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Speaker 1: God separately told both of us to not date anyone,

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Speaker 1: and it was at the very time that she and

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Speaker 1: I started getting really cool. The problem was we started

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Speaker 1: catching feelings about six months into that commandment, and we're like, well,

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Speaker 1: this isn't dating.

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Speaker 2: We have my homies Alexis and Brian Cole.

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Speaker 3: How did y'all be?

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Speaker 1: Long story short, there was another friend in the friend

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Speaker 1: group that I started dating that didn't work out.

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Speaker 4: Did you have a rule in your mind that you

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Speaker 4: wouldn't date your friends?

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Speaker 5: Ex Yes, I would like to clarify before I get

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Speaker 5: came for in the comments.

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Speaker 4: Let's talk a little bit about the cold when you

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Speaker 4: talk about what you could have thwarted is a ten

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Speaker 4: year marriage, the kids that you'll have, the stories y'all have,

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Speaker 4: building legacy together because of a loyalty at nineteen years

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Speaker 4: that do.

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Speaker 3: You even hang around that girl now? Exactly? Y'all started

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Speaker 3: holding hands.

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Speaker 4: Too long and then y'all became boyfriend and girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, we had a hiccup. We call it the valley.

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Speaker 1: We were both virgins when we met. We wanted so

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Speaker 1: bad to be pure. We both had purity rings when

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Speaker 1: we had sex. I was like the poster child for Christianity.

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Speaker 1: In my church, so many prophecies were said about my life,

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Speaker 1: and so much of it was around being a virgin,

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Speaker 1: and now my identity is tied to something that's action based.

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Speaker 1: I found myself saying, my entire purpose, identity, everything I

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Speaker 1: was called on this earth to do, is now void

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Speaker 1: because of one act. And I started tail spinning and

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Speaker 1: I said, I can't do this right now. I don't

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Speaker 1: even know how to do this right now because I

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Speaker 1: don't know who I am anymore.

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Speaker 3: How did you say that to her now?

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Speaker 6: I believe not well. Right after that, I feel like

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Speaker 6: we got hate with other things.

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Speaker 5: That's when the whole Trayvon Martin conversation came in and

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Speaker 5: we were.

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Speaker 1: Talking about that there is a crossroads that white people

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Speaker 1: come to when it comes to the conversation of race.

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Speaker 1: I can choose to acknowledge for my entire life, have

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Speaker 1: not thought about this the right way. When you come

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Speaker 1: to that admission, you have to go back and think,

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Speaker 1: how many people have I heard with the wrong mindset?

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Speaker 1: And how do I, as a husband cover her if

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Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm covering her from?

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Speaker 6: That doesn't even make sense.

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Speaker 4: What is something that you believe that people really don't

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Speaker 4: understand the about y'all. What started as a search for

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Speaker 4: understanding became a journey of transformation. Every letter that I

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Speaker 4: wrote led me to this day, the day I got

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Speaker 4: married November twenty second, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 2: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time.

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Speaker 6: That's how long.

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Speaker 2: I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber of

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Speaker 2: my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 4: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 4: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are

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Speaker 4: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition

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Speaker 4: of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 2: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 2: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 4: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 3: I'm the terrorists are Whitfield.

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Speaker 6: I'm Ashley are Wetfield.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the past.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to your dear future WIFEI Podcast, I'm your host,

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Speaker 4: La Terras are Whitfield.

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Speaker 6: And I'm Ashley are Witfield.

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Speaker 4: Listen, are you still shacking up with us? If you're

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Speaker 4: still shacking up with us, come on, can we get

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Speaker 4: a commitment? Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure

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Speaker 4: you turn on your notification bell so you'll be notified

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Speaker 4: aby upcoming episodes.

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Speaker 3: Now listen.

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Speaker 4: I know y'all get used to me saying that over

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Speaker 4: and over again, but it breaks my heart every time

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Speaker 4: I see somebody leave a comment and say, you know what,

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Speaker 4: I decide to subscribe after watching this episode.

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Speaker 3: But I've been watching it for four years.

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Speaker 4: Now, what's the deal with these commitment issues y'all? Have?

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Speaker 3: Come on?

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Speaker 4: It's so simple, it's free, and it shows potential advertisers

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Speaker 4: and sponsors that we are really engaged in this content

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Speaker 4: and they look at the subscribers and so make sure

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Speaker 4: you do subscribe.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much.

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Speaker 4: We're on our goal to reach a million, and it

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Speaker 4: takes everybody to and it's the first time I've ever

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Speaker 4: put a goal. At first, I sat one hundred thousand.

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Speaker 4: After we reach one hundred thousand, I've got away from

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Speaker 4: all goals. But now let's go ahead and give y'all

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Speaker 4: some motivation. So let's try to get to a million subscribers.

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Speaker 4: Have y'all gotten the book Student of Love? If you

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Speaker 4: haven't gotten a book, Student of Love. What are you

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Speaker 4: waiting for? This book is going to help aid you

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Speaker 4: so we can show up better in our love lives.

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Speaker 4: Remember I said, love isn't about finding the right person,

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Speaker 4: It's about becoming the right person, and so Student of

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Speaker 4: Love will definitely help us get there. So take a

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Speaker 4: moment and watch this promo video.

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Speaker 3: I have a confession.

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Speaker 4: I really I hate is a strong word, but I

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Speaker 4: really dislike recording videos trying to encourage people to purchase

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Speaker 4: my new book, Student of Love.

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Speaker 3: I really do.

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Speaker 4: Y'all see me on my podcasts all the time, encouraging

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Speaker 4: y'all to support other authors, But when it comes to me, man,

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Speaker 4: I just don't like it.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest with you, and I know a

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Speaker 3: lot of y'all could attest to it.

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Speaker 4: Trying to be selsy and convince people to purchase your product.

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Speaker 3: It's just so uncomfortable. Good Lord.

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Speaker 4: Had a conversation with my editor, Lisa Joe, and she

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Speaker 4: was trying to encourage me to post more videos and

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Speaker 4: I said, Lisa Joe, I'm tired of posting videos. And

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Speaker 4: I said, it just feels like I'm trying to sell people.

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Speaker 4: And she said that's the problem. Don't try to sell them,

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Speaker 4: serve them, she said, w Publishing, we don't focus on sales,

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Speaker 4: we focus on service. She said, Remember you told me

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Speaker 4: at the beginning of this journey that your mission is

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Speaker 4: to increase marriage rates in the black community, decrease divorced statistics,

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Speaker 4: and provide a guide to help them do relationships a

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Speaker 4: lot better. I said, all right, regurgitating what I said

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Speaker 4: to her back to me, I said, how this white

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Speaker 4: lady from South Africa gonna put me in check? And

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Speaker 4: I said, you know what I can do that if

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Speaker 4: I can refocus and not try to sell and serve,

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Speaker 4: then I'll I won't stop creating videos, I won't stop

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Speaker 4: creating graphics and stories and reels to try to encourage us,

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Speaker 4: encourage us.

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Speaker 3: To do relationships a lot better.

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Speaker 4: So I'm not gonna sell you on purchasing Student of Love.

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Speaker 3: Nope.

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Speaker 4: But what I will do is ask you, as a

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Speaker 4: matter of fact, I will beg you to join me

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Speaker 4: on the journey to increase marriage raising the Black community,

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Speaker 4: decrease divorced statistics, and just maybe maybe this tool can

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Speaker 4: help us do relationships a whole lot better. So that's

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Speaker 4: all I got.

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Speaker 3: Are you gonna join me again.

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Speaker 4: It's available on audiobook a love y'all been asking me

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Speaker 4: is it available audiobook? Absolutely, make sure you go check it.

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Speaker 4: Check it out on audible. And those around the I

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Speaker 4: say the other Big D because Dallas is the original

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Speaker 4: Big D.

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Speaker 3: Don't y'all say nothing either.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that's crazy.

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Speaker 3: It's the truth.

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Speaker 7: Is the truth.

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Speaker 4: I ain't in yet, they can't. Y'all supposed to be

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Speaker 4: signing right now. This is the real Big D right here.

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Speaker 4: And so we're going to be in Detroit Mars the

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Speaker 4: twenty first. We have an all star line up doing

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Speaker 4: Student of Love and Dear Future WIFEI Podcast Live.

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Speaker 3: It's going to be an amaze event. Are you looking

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Speaker 3: forward to that?

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Speaker 6: I'm really excited.

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Speaker 3: We're going to have another live event.

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Speaker 4: Those that came to the Dallas event, they talked about

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Speaker 4: how amazing it was, and I don't want you all

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Speaker 4: to miss it. So visit the link of the description

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Speaker 4: and get your tickets right now. It's going to be

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Speaker 4: at the Fisher Theater. Is going to be an amazing

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Speaker 4: I'm so excited to talk to today's guests on the podcast.

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Speaker 3: Who do you have Ashley?

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Speaker 2: We have my homies Alexis and Brian Cole.

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Speaker 6: Detroit.

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Speaker 4: The big dude is the real big couch man. Let

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Speaker 4: me tell you something. The way I discovered y'all was

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Speaker 4: through Ashley. Ashley, what made you invite them on the podcast?

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Speaker 6: I just like them.

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Speaker 4: They She sent me videos of y'all where you took

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Speaker 4: your wife to get her hair done in the middle

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Speaker 4: of the night. Basically, what time did you take her there?

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Speaker 1: Well, she she actually went there because it was the

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Speaker 1: night before we were going to Africa the next day.

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Speaker 6: We were a climate Kelmanjarro. Then, you know, during.

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Speaker 1: That trash, she decided that she won the way till

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Speaker 1: the night before to get her hair done, which is

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Speaker 1: perfectly okay because I'm like, it's your schedule, it's fine.

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Speaker 1: But then she was having some emotional challenges that.

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Speaker 6: We was a lot that was going on.

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Speaker 1: I was exhausted, and now it was eight pm and

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Speaker 1: she was starting to get her hair braided. So I've

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Speaker 1: been in the game long enough to know we're not

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Speaker 1: getting out of there until four or five am.

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Speaker 6: Uh huh.

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Speaker 1: So she actually went to the girl's house and I

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Speaker 1: put up the kids with my parents and had them

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Speaker 1: sleep overnight there. So I surprised her and she didn't

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Speaker 1: even tell me what address she was going to. I

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Speaker 1: had to look at find my friends and just find

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Speaker 1: the location and just trail her like.

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Speaker 6: An assassin's spy or something.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm taking all my skills and talents

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Speaker 1: here to find her. I got some wine, bread, and

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Speaker 1: I stayed up all night with her while she got

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Speaker 1: her hair done.

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Speaker 6: We watched movies. We had a great time, and we

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Speaker 6: were great time.

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Speaker 4: And then I went to Africa the next day. Yes,

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Speaker 4: how long was that flight? From Detroit?

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Speaker 1: It's eleven hours to Amsterdam, in twelve hours to Tangania.

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Speaker 6: It was a very long day.

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Speaker 4: Y'all went and climbed killing Majara, Mount Kilmanjaro.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and we went with Compassion, which it was amazing.

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Speaker 5: That part was great to see what they're doing. After that,

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Speaker 5: we were there for what ten days?

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Speaker 7: No, it was like fourteen fifteen days total trip. Yeah,

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Speaker 7: but we were there for ten days and then we

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Speaker 7: on the morning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Then seven days yep, seven days on Mount Kilmanjarro.

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Speaker 3: So where were y'all staying at? Like on a mountain?

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Speaker 3: They had.

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Speaker 1: Seven days, seven days in sleeping bags in thirty degree

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Speaker 1: weather at night, and y were.

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Speaker 3: So why did you do this?

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Speaker 5: Well, you know, I'll say I was going to say,

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Speaker 5: there's some influences that I've done for him and the

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Speaker 5: influences that he's done for me.

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Speaker 1: And people see most of the other side, but I'm like, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: come over to my side.

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Speaker 6: There was only a few black people.

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Speaker 5: So there it was funny is that there were these

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Speaker 5: other two guys that were on the call and they

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Speaker 5: didn't realize that they were climbing Killiman Jarrow and I

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Speaker 5: could tell that they didn't know that they were climbing,

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Speaker 5: like they were on the call, like how.

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Speaker 6: Tall is it? How many? I think got over one

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Speaker 6: night thing?

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Speaker 5: So when I saw them, it was it was three

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Speaker 5: black people including myself, and we were looking at each

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Speaker 5: other like what are we doing?

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Speaker 6: Y'all?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: They were like like hold my hand. We stayed together

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Speaker 6: the entire trip, like in the.

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Speaker 7: Day yeah, seven days, yea.

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Speaker 1: The last night the day we summit is a sixteen

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Speaker 1: hours of hiking straight like nobod.

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Speaker 3: You have to come back down. They don't have no helicopter.

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Speaker 3: Pick y'all up.

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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, there's a helicopter three thousand. I tell Brian.

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Speaker 6: I was like, it's one of those.

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Speaker 5: It's one of those moments where either you lock in

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Speaker 5: or the police are getting called, like you gotta lock in,

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Speaker 5: or you're going to or you know.

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Speaker 4: So what did that do for y'all as a married

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Speaker 4: couple to be able to accomplish this task together?

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Speaker 1: Actually, I think it was probably the biggest accomplishment outside

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Speaker 1: of running you know, our social media together. But I

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Speaker 1: would say it's the biggest accomplishments we had together. More

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Speaker 1: so a spiritual and emotional moment for her because of

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Speaker 1: the like emotional climate of what we were going through

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Speaker 1: at the time.

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Speaker 3: Yeah climate.

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Speaker 5: I was going through a major John Brian and I

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Speaker 5: at the time we lost a baby a year yeah

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Speaker 5: before then, and I didn't realize that I was struggling

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Speaker 5: with so much fear because when you lose a baby,

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Speaker 5: you start to question, well, is God going to take

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Speaker 5: care of my kids?

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Speaker 6: Is He going to protect us?

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Speaker 5: Because this wasn't I didn't feel protected in this moment,

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Speaker 5: and I've never felt that before when it came to God.

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Speaker 6: I've never felt that at all.

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Speaker 5: So I didn't know what it felt like to experience that,

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Speaker 5: and so for the longest of time, I was for

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Speaker 5: the longest of time I was going through this journey like, Okay,

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Speaker 5: I feel a little bit of fear, but it's not

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Speaker 5: something I need to make known. It's not something I

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Speaker 5: need to talk about. It's just something that I'm gonna,

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Speaker 5: you know, just keep moving forward with and eventually, as

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Speaker 5: I pray, as I continue to you know, talk to

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Speaker 5: God about it, It'll go away.

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Speaker 6: And it wasn't.

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Speaker 5: And I didn't realize that it was an underlining, just

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Speaker 5: fear that was coming with me constantly every day, and

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Speaker 5: it was growing, it was becoming rooted in me to

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Speaker 5: the point where God was like, you need to have

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Speaker 5: something drastic to change and to shift, to break it off,

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Speaker 5: to break it off, and.

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Speaker 6: So he told me to do this thing.

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Speaker 5: Somebody called us and asked us if we wanted to

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Speaker 5: join Compassion and do this vision trip.

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Speaker 7: I said yes, so Brian will sign up. That sounds great,

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Speaker 7: Brian will sign up for the Mount kil party.

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Speaker 6: I was like, come on. I was like, I.

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Speaker 5: Will absolutely go and do Compassion, but I'm going to

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Speaker 5: fly back home and Brian will continue to do the

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Speaker 5: Mount Kilmanyarra.

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Speaker 6: See Lexi's so brave to fly home by herself from Africa.

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Speaker 6: She's like, no, I got it.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, never in life have you offered to fly

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Speaker 1: anywhere by herself.

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Speaker 5: I was like, no, like, I'm not, I'm not, I'm

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Speaker 5: not doing it. But when I tell you, it was

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Speaker 5: so free. That summer night was the hardest, one of

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Speaker 5: the hardest nights of my life.

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Speaker 6: I already didn't want to go.

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Speaker 5: I already was afraid to leave my kids at home

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Speaker 5: for that long, considering the fear that I had. And

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Speaker 5: I'm my god, I'm not even prepared for this. Brian

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Speaker 5: is going up this mountain. He's done a half marathon.

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Speaker 5: He's done, he's he's ran, he's done many many things.

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Speaker 5: He's done a half, he's done.

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Speaker 6: Up a little bit. I'm not great at it, but

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Speaker 6: he's done iron half, iron man all.

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Speaker 3: Really.

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Speaker 5: And when I tell you, he was up on that

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Speaker 5: mountain and I saw him tired, and I said, whoa,

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Speaker 5: you're tired.

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Speaker 6: I said, what about me this? I said, oh my god,

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Speaker 6: i'mbout to die because the breathing.

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Speaker 1: Huh No, No, when you get to the top, it's

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Speaker 1: it's a step by step.

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Speaker 6: It's like take a step, take a breath, really, take

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Speaker 6: a breath.

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Speaker 5: No, people were throwing up, people were passing out peep

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Speaker 5: like every five steps.

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Speaker 6: Brian, I were just okay, take a break.

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Speaker 1: We were falling on the floor because they start you,

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Speaker 1: and you know, we don't need to keep talking. But

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Speaker 1: they start you at midnight in the pitch black. That's

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Speaker 1: when you start sum at night because it's so hard

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Speaker 1: and the climate is so the sun is so close

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Speaker 1: to you that you can't be at the top for

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Speaker 1: more than fifteen minutes. So they try to get you

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Speaker 1: there as early to sunrise as possible. So you you

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Speaker 1: hike for like eight nine hours to get to the top,

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Speaker 1: but you start at midnight in the pitch back.

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Speaker 6: All you have this little light to see where your

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Speaker 6: feet are.

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Speaker 5: And mentally they said, mentally you you would be less

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Speaker 5: likely to make it up top if you saw it

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Speaker 5: in the daylight.

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Speaker 6: It's best that you climb at night and we don't

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Speaker 6: see the top.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: There was a point the sun started to peek over

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Speaker 1: and I looked down and I saw a four thousand

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Speaker 1: foot drop that if I took a misstep like three

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Speaker 1: feet that way, I was going to be cooked.

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Speaker 6: And it was like, oh, this is real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And there was points where I found myself even

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Speaker 1: wavering because like I was so fatigued and tired, your

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Speaker 1: body starts kind of doing I mean, it.

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Speaker 6: Was it was wild.

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Speaker 5: I was like, well, I really got you to come

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Speaker 5: do No, it was a while because I was a

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Speaker 5: moment I was mad. I got like I felt like

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Speaker 5: I was up on the mountain like I was it

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Speaker 5: was in biblical time, like I was.

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Speaker 6: Hiliarrious coming down with ten commandments.

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Speaker 5: But it was one of those moments where I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 5: I'm going up this mountain.

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Speaker 6: I can't see anything.

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Speaker 5: We were the last people to make it, and I'm

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Speaker 5: pretty sure Brian could make it, you know what, could

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Speaker 5: go faster if he wasn't with me, because I was

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Speaker 5: struggling hard, and I remember just telling God, I'm like, Lord,

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Speaker 5: I see everybody else. They're this small. They're this small.

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Speaker 5: You can see them up on the top. They're this small.

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Speaker 5: That means I have a long way to go. And

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Speaker 5: I was like, how in the world am I going

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Speaker 5: to make it? I am already exhausted, and I know

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Speaker 5: I have hours left and hours oh hours, And I

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Speaker 5: remember God telling me this and I still keep it

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Speaker 5: to this day. It was like, I'm not I'm not

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Speaker 5: asking you to worry about the top. I'm asking you

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Speaker 5: to put your lamp to your feet, one foot my feet,

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Speaker 5: one foot in front of the other. And I'm not

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Speaker 5: nobody asked you to worry about that. And I literally

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Speaker 5: put my lamp to my feet and I followed the

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Speaker 5: God and to the point I did not look up

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Speaker 5: again until I got to the top.

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Speaker 6: And when I tell you, I bawled my eyes out.

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Speaker 6: I bawed my eyes out.

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Speaker 5: And I never felt so free from fear in my

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Speaker 5: life like that that you released.

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Speaker 3: What you had been caring for that year about the

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Speaker 3: loss of y'all child.

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Speaker 5: Oh, absolutely, Because before every time I would bring it up,

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Speaker 5: I would I would cry.

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Speaker 6: It was a major shift, like night and day.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like and I would talk to you as if

391
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Speaker 5: I'm talking you were laughing, And then you bring up grief,

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Speaker 5: and you bring up lost and I say, you know,

393
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Speaker 5: I lost baby, and I'm fine, nothing's happening, and then

394
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Speaker 5: tears would just come. And now I can talk about

395
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Speaker 5: it and be free without knowing the why, and not

396
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Speaker 5: knowing what the reason is. It's just I trust God

397
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Speaker 5: enough that he loves me enough to take me all

398
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Speaker 5: the way to Africa to climb out kilimandral to do

399
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Speaker 5: one of the hardest things of my life, so I

400
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Speaker 5: could be free, amer.

401
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Speaker 3: I can be free.

402
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Speaker 1: The one thing she's not saying is that the reason

403
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Speaker 1: why it wasn't just the loss of a baby. This

404
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,080
Speaker 1: baby was supposed to be a miracle child because we

405
00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,440
Speaker 1: have been struggling to uh to conceive naturally for five

406
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 1: years at that point, and we went through IVF to

407
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Speaker 1: have our first child, we went through IVF to have

408
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Speaker 1: our second child. We were in the middle of the

409
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Speaker 1: IVF process to have our second child, we had scheduled

410
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Speaker 1: the insemination date, and then we got naturally pregnant.

411
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Speaker 6: Oh yeah, right, So we're like, I mean, yeah, and

412
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Speaker 6: here's the problem. My family is full of prophets.

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Speaker 1: So you tell a family full of prophets the baby,

414
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Speaker 1: this is a missle.

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Speaker 5: I mean, everybody's crying, everybody is just into everybody's like,

416
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Speaker 5: this is a miracle from God, Oh my God, goodness.

417
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Speaker 5: And I'm protecting this baby, probably more than I have

418
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Speaker 5: protected any of my pregnancies.

419
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Speaker 6: And then six weeks later we lost it.

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Speaker 1: So now it's like, Okay, God, at this point, we

421
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Speaker 1: weren't even asking for this blessing. We weren't asking for

422
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Speaker 1: this miracle and you decided to give it and then

423
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Speaker 1: take away right back. So like the confusion behind God's

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Speaker 1: goodness and why that was.

425
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Speaker 5: Hard because losing a baby is a lot within itself.

426
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Speaker 5: But then to have the one baby that was natural

427
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Speaker 5: and then we lose that.

428
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Speaker 6: That was tough.

429
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Speaker 3: What you think about it.

430
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Speaker 6: Well, it just I froze my eggs.

431
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Speaker 2: So we met and I was freezing my eggs, and

432
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,320
Speaker 2: so we we think a lot about like having a child.

433
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Speaker 2: We talk a lot about what that process is like,

434
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Speaker 2: in the miracle that it takes to actually have a child. Absolutely,

435
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Speaker 2: I have not been pregnant before, but my heart grieves

436
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Speaker 2: for you, and I'm so happy that you took that

437
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 2: experience and knew that God was creating the testimony on

438
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Speaker 2: the other side of it. And it's so beautiful to

439
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 2: see your little babies now running around on Instagram. I

440
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 2: think that's part of what just makes me feel so

441
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Speaker 2: connected to you guys, is I feel like you guys

442
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 2: are all about faith and family and that's just I

443
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Speaker 2: don't know, that's.

444
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Speaker 6: How how what else could you ask for in a

445
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Speaker 6: in a family?

446
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Speaker 2: So I feel like God has has blessed you tremendously,

447
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,199
Speaker 2: but some people might not know that test and so

448
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Speaker 2: I'm glad that people are seeing the other side of

449
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 2: what you went through and hearing that story to know

450
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 2: what it took to get to where you are now too.

451
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 4: And so hmm, let's go back. How did y'all meet?

452
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,440
Speaker 4: That's your question before we'll meet.

453
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 3: How long y'all been married?

454
00:20:55,840 --> 00:21:00,439
Speaker 5: We've been married for years and I think it'll almost

455
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 5: be ten and a half?

456
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 6: Is it ten and a half? Are we really counting?

457
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,679
Speaker 6: I care about half? I care about it. We graduated

458
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,120
Speaker 6: we were ten.

459
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 3: And a half.

460
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 4: And so how did y'all meet?

461
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 1: Briefly, long story short, it sounds worse than it really is.

462
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,680
Speaker 6: I heard a laugh from the other side of the studio.

463
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 6: I appreciate that.

464
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,639
Speaker 1: So long story short, my best friend was dating her

465
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 1: best friend at the time. There was another friend in

466
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 1: the friend group that I started dating, and that didn't

467
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: work out. She went a different direction in life. She

468
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 1: and I broke up. She then kind of cut off

469
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 1: all of her friends in that friend group for whatever reason.

470
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,480
Speaker 1: And it was after that point that I was still

471
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,440
Speaker 1: cool with the group, and so we hung out in

472
00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,680
Speaker 1: a lot of group settings, Lexi happened to be there,

473
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:57,119
Speaker 1: in fact, because Lexi was cool with her. At one point,

474
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,400
Speaker 1: she was having nothing for me, like I was trying

475
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,280
Speaker 1: to have civil conversation. I'm not trying to I'm not

476
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 1: trying to get I'm trying to have civil conversation.

477
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,359
Speaker 6: She's like, M'm no, sounds like you did something.

478
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,159
Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, cool, cool, I don't need to

479
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: be your friend, that's fine. And then, uh, somehow, just

480
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: slowly hanging with the groups, we started to connect, We

481
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,399
Speaker 1: started to bond. We became best friends for at least

482
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:28,320
Speaker 1: a year before one day in a park somewhere, her

483
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 1: head landed on my lap and we were like, this

484
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: feels good, this feels right. I think we might go

485
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 1: in a different direction here, and then you know, the

486
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:36,400
Speaker 1: rest is history.

487
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,160
Speaker 5: If you if you were to talk to our friends,

488
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 5: they would say that we were dating longer than that

489
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 5: time because we were always just holding each other's hands talking.

490
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 2: I know, you know.

491
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 6: We were in an awkward time of life, but.

492
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 3: That's my homegirl. It just makes it awkward.

493
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 4: No, it don't like when you talk about what you

494
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:03,280
Speaker 4: could have thwarted is a ten year marriage ongoing, the

495
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 4: kids that you have, the stories y'all have, building legacy

496
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 4: together because of a loyalty at nineteen years that do.

497
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:10,880
Speaker 3: You even hang around that girl now?

498
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 5: No, exactly now, I think, but I think truly that

499
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,400
Speaker 5: is true. Age does play a role because I think about,

500
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 5: regardless if these people did you wrong or whatever, love

501
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 5: is such a powerful feeling and I think about the

502
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 5: people that I know that have divorced. It was a

503
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 5: bad relationship, but the love that you feel, and I've

504
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,160
Speaker 5: realized that in so many situations as an adult, I'm like, wow,

505
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 5: why are you still around this, dude?

506
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:40,879
Speaker 6: Why are you still thinking about this dude?

507
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,719
Speaker 5: But at the end of the day, that feeling is

508
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,399
Speaker 5: so strong and you can't give it to everybody. But

509
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 5: when you do, yeah, it hits so it hits you

510
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 5: so deep and it's hard to pull out that route.

511
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 2: But no, I just I love the process though, because

512
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 2: I do think for women like if you're my best friend,

513
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 2: I can't like, yeah, that's.

514
00:23:59,400 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 4: What I mean.

515
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 2: There are boundaries that I think that are just like

516
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,440
Speaker 2: girl code call it. But to your point, I think

517
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:11,520
Speaker 2: that for people who might have stumbled upon a friend

518
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 2: group and you believe like I've always been like if

519
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 2: that's your husband, I don't want to block that. And

520
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,400
Speaker 2: so I think there's like this healthy balance right where

521
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,040
Speaker 2: women will be like, no, sis, because you don't want.

522
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 6: To be thinking like you looking at my man, and

523
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:30,200
Speaker 6: that that feels it's a fine line. Fine sometimes sometimes.

524
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,399
Speaker 4: Sometimes you want sometimes they get I love the fact

525
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:37,160
Speaker 4: of asking permission or asking uh, but I say, sometimes

526
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 4: it gets so silly to where to say that a

527
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 4: dude walks. And that's why I say a lot of

528
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 4: men aren't shooting their shot like they should be. Is

529
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 4: that you see both of y'all And if I go

530
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 4: and I go shoot my shot at her and she's like.

531
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 3: Well, no, I don't really interested it.

532
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 4: And if I were to say, well what about you,

533
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 4: You're like you try to talk to my friends like

534
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:55,359
Speaker 4: it was nothing.

535
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:56,000
Speaker 3: She didn't like.

536
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 6: We got to get past.

537
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 4: This, just like what is that at the end of

538
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 4: the day, y'all both end up being single, you know

539
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 4: what I'm saying.

540
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,360
Speaker 3: And it's like, why couldn't it be the situation like no.

541
00:25:05,359 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 6: That's my time that I'm not going to be a

542
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 6: second choice though I'm not gonna be a you need to.

543
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 3: So it's the best of walking forwarth there saying which

544
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 3: one of y'all.

545
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,439
Speaker 5: Won't be No, I would say, you choose who you

546
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 5: want and then you can be friends. I think that's

547
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 5: the thing friendship is so much, is such a strong bond.

548
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 5: I would say, like, hey, let's all just get to

549
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 5: know each other. Let's hang out. They don't even got

550
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 5: to talk. Let's just hang out.

551
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 3: Y'all get the game, then that's.

552
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,840
Speaker 2: What alex is the game, but don't shoot your shot

553
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:45,120
Speaker 2: instead of shooting no relationship friends, and then you can

554
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 2: make a decision, like you always say, based on knowing

555
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 2: more than just how you look, because now you know

556
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:52,159
Speaker 2: this is you.

557
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 6: Just la we talking about.

558
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:59,280
Speaker 1: That's like we're talking idealistically right now. Practically this is

559
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: a hard to file.

560
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 4: The other event, you're gonna be like, hey, hey, how

561
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 4: you know you can talk to you just just friends

562
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 4: for for six months?

563
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 6: What we aspressed which one of our friends should actually

564
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 6: be with this ersus? You know. I feel like that

565
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,919
Speaker 6: that test is gonna fail every time. That's gonna get

566
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 6: a little tricky.

567
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 1: But I also think that in general, when we ask

568
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: questions like that to the general public, I think people

569
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,640
Speaker 1: have so many stories and their friendships are not always

570
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 1: mature friendships. There's a lot of everyone's got a toxic

571
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: you know friend or example or one time or this

572
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: that creates the belief systems that they operate in.

573
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 6: And I'm like, but what if you actually have mature friends.

574
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: Yes, there's so many things that we can do in

575
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 1: our marriage and our relationships with our friends or not

576
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: with our friends because we're just all mature. Yeah, so

577
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:45,880
Speaker 1: I feel like that that changes the dynamic.

578
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, it does, and it should at least.

579
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 4: And so y'all, y'all started holding hands too long and

580
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 4: then y'all became boyfriend and girlfriend?

581
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 3: Is that what happened?

582
00:26:54,040 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 6: Yet we were we were together for four years.

583
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 1: That four years before marriage. We dated for four years.

584
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: We had a hit up. We call it the valley.

585
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 3: And what happened in the valley? Brian and who took

586
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 3: you out to the valley?

587
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 6: The devil? The devil?

588
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 7: No?

589
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: We we you know, found out we were both virgins

590
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: when we met each other, and that was the way

591
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 1: it was supposed to be. And it was about I

592
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,880
Speaker 1: don't know, two years into the relationship. Are so ish

593
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: that we messed up and to the point where we

594
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: were we wanted so bad to be pure, like it

595
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:38,920
Speaker 1: really actually completely messed up my mindset and my spiritual life.

596
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 1: We actually both had when we had sex, to the

597
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 1: point where I struggled so much with understanding who I

598
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:51,240
Speaker 1: was even after this juncture, like now admitting to myself

599
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 1: that I am no longer pure, right and holy, and

600
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,360
Speaker 1: that admission changed my identity and my.

601
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 5: Identity shifting of that. Those came from the church, though,

602
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 5: it came because I do think that that was a

603
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 5: huge thing of what you were taught about yourself and

604
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 5: who you were.

605
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: I think the problem was when you see, I was

606
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: like the poster child for Christianity in my church, my parents,

607
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:21,760
Speaker 1: the assistant pastors, we were helping found the church. You know,

608
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: it was starting our basement as a Bible study and

609
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: it grew and and when you're in the behind the scenes,

610
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: it's so interesting the level of pressure and expectation that

611
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:36,360
Speaker 1: gets put on you. And I'll even say prophecies specifically,

612
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 1: So so many prophecies were said about my life and

613
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: who I was supposed to be, and so much of

614
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: it was around being a vigent and being you know, pure,

615
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 1: and being the champion and the the you know person

616
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: that was supposed to be that for other people, and

617
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: that began to attach my calling and purpose to this thing.

618
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 6: It wasn't to me or who God said I was.

619
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 6: It was to what I'm supposed to do.

620
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:05,040
Speaker 1: And now my identity is tied to something that's action based.

621
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 3: Right.

622
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: So the problem was for me was I was getting

623
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: prophecies left and right, but people weren't coding the prophecy properly.

624
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 1: They would just say it, but never gave me, as

625
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 1: a child and as a young teenager, understanding of the

626
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: context in which that is framed. And so with no context,

627
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: with no understanding of how to approach that, how to

628
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: think about it, how to operate in God's grace, how

629
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: to move and flow, and know who you are despite

630
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 1: what you do, all of these concepts, I found myself saying,

631
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: my entire purpose, identity, my world, everything I was called

632
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: on this earth to do is now void because of

633
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: one act. And so I struggled heavily and I started

634
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: tail spinning, and I said, I can't do this right now.

635
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: I don't even know how to do this right now

636
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 1: because I don't know who I am anymore.

637
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 4: Wow, you literally said you don't know who you are anymore.

638
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 4: And then how did you say that to her?

639
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 6: Probably not well, I don't even remember what he said. Yeah,

640
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 6: he I.

641
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 3: Remember women they don't forget.

642
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 6: I did not forget. No, I remember getting.

643
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 5: We were talking through it because we were like, you know,

644
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 5: we have to come to the realization that we're just

645
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 5: not what we thought we were, and he was he

646
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 5: I remember he was going to a church conference and

647
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 5: I was like, so do you know? I was going

648
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 5: to come with him? He's like, do you not want

649
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 5: me to come? He was like, I don't know.

650
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 6: And then I said I didn't know anything.

651
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 5: Are you Are you breaking up with me? And he

652
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 5: said I don't know. And I'm like, well you do know,

653
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 5: you know if you're breaking up with me or not.

654
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 5: He was like, I just need time to think. And

655
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 5: I said, well what does that mean for us? And

656
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 5: he was like I need to figure some things out

657
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 5: and then I gotta go and he hung.

658
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 6: Up, and so that part, but it sounds like it

659
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 6: could have happened.

660
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then my mom, I mean, my our family

661
00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 5: was very invested in our relationships. So my mom called

662
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 5: him to talk about what's going on, and of course

663
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 5: we weren't sharing that we weren't virgins, and so I

664
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,280
Speaker 5: remember that she was like, you know, I think Brian's

665
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 5: a good I think he's trying to figure out who

666
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 5: he is. And my mom really believed that. And I

667
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 5: was like, no, I'm taking all his stuff back, everything

668
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 5: that he's given me, and I'm going to go on

669
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 5: my journey of healing and be done. And we did

670
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 5: not talk for a few months. A few months. We

671
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 5: didn't talk for a few months.

672
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 3: How old y'all still nineteen right the time?

673
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 4: One twenty one, twenty one. Yeah, and so y'all just

674
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 4: stopped talking. Y'all just wing cold turkey, y'all when y'all

675
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 4: going to the same church.

676
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 6: No, no, not at the time.

677
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 3: So did y'all see each other around?

678
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 5: Now?

679
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 6: I tell you one thing I am very much of.

680
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 5: I'm working on my healing journey, and I don't I'm

681
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 5: not I'm not tempted to call you.

682
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 6: Really just do the tiptoe in out the cold. I

683
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 6: grew up with brothers. I didn't grow with I grew

684
00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 6: with a man. I grew with man.

685
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 5: I had one woman that was my mother, but I

686
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:04,960
Speaker 5: grew up with mainly men, and so I would.

687
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 4: Pay that for people that don't know because you keep

688
00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 4: saying that I grew up with men.

689
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,040
Speaker 5: With because I feel like that there's a level of

690
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 5: sensitivity that women have that is beautiful and it is

691
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 5: a gift and I but I and I have also

692
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 5: been around a lot of men which have taught me

693
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 5: to not fall into traps of tiptoeing back and forth

694
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 5: because I believe that I believe that that has caught

695
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 5: some women in a trap of getting like, oh, let

696
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 5: me call them and see.

697
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 6: Let me that that brings middle ground.

698
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 5: And I feel like a lot of times, regardless if

699
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 5: they want to be good, sometimes men sometimes want to

700
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,080
Speaker 5: have their cake and eat it too and be in

701
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 5: this middle ground of I don't know where I am,

702
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 5: but I do.

703
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 6: Like talking to you.

704
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 5: I don't know how I feel, but I do like,

705
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 5: but I want to I want to call you. I

706
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 5: want to go out with you. And so my brothers

707
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 5: taught me no, like you and my dad, no, you

708
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 5: stick to where you are and if he wants you,

709
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 5: if he really wants to be with you, then he

710
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,360
Speaker 5: will call you and we can work it out then.

711
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,040
Speaker 6: But until then, I am moving forward.

712
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: LEXI knew her worth like she she was that girl

713
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 1: who was like, I know what my value is and

714
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 1: I know how I should be pursued, and if you

715
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: don't know what you want, I don't have time for it.

716
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 1: And it was it was a very sobering experience where

717
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 1: I was looking at it like I just need a break,

718
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: I just need I just need time. But I also

719
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: didn't know what that meant, how long that would be.

720
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: I can't promise you anything, but I don't want you

721
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 1: to see anyone, and I don't know too many.

722
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 4: I wasn't trying to see nobody, period, because you feel

723
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 4: unworthy of everything at this point. It was so so

724
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 4: was it purity culture that taught y'all that, Like, who

725
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 4: did your parents tell y'all be very I know what

726
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 4: was spoken over your life as a man to be

727
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 4: called for, you know, to be.

728
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 3: This abstinate man?

729
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 4: No matter of fact, what was the framing of what

730
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 4: they spoke over your life? Give me your virginity was

731
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 4: attached to your calling?

732
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:56,040
Speaker 3: In what way?

733
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 8: They were saying that because of what God was supposed

734
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 8: to you me for which is what which was to

735
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 8: lead a revitalization in our youth to back to purity,

736
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,439
Speaker 8: and that I was supposed to be the one to.

737
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: Do that that part. And I was supposed to give

738
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 1: them an example, and you're supposed to be the example.

739
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 1: You're supposed to be the one that said you can

740
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: do this because I did it. You're as if they

741
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: were saying, basically, this is going to be your testimony

742
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:25,439
Speaker 1: and your story. No like period, there's no other if.

743
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 1: And but there's no room for any anything. I mean,

744
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: from from infancy to.

745
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 6: Seriously as a child, I mean seven eight nine. As

746
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 6: soon as I started to understand what we.

747
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 5: Were talking about, Yeah, it was so many other you

748
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 5: know callings too, And not to say that they weren't

749
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,640
Speaker 5: true or anything, but if the pressure of a young

750
00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 5: child to have that you know, type of calling on

751
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,799
Speaker 5: his life, it is, it's it's heavy, it's weighty, and.

752
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 1: The don't teach you how to handle that as a

753
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 1: child with a child mindset and you know, just mischievousness

754
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 1: or curiosity or whatever the case may be.

755
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 6: How do you handle that and how do you control that?

756
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:12,799
Speaker 1: Not even just control, but how do you properly give

757
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 1: understanding to that in the context of God's grace, in

758
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: God's identity and purpose and all of that.

759
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, because well, in the church are never gonna speak

760
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 4: much about God's grace because that gives you an open door.

761
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 4: It's almost like if I say and if you do fail,

762
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,400
Speaker 4: God's going to cover you, and then they think if

763
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 4: I hear.

764
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 6: Oh man, I'm outside.

765
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

766
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 2: Well, I was just going to ask, like, what what

767
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 2: did you learn during that process that then made you

768
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:40,840
Speaker 2: come back?

769
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 6: What was that learning like about yourself?

770
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

771
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,280
Speaker 1: So what I went through a journey that was actually

772
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 1: quite interesting and revealing, and it was revealed to me

773
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 1: over the course of years since that point, but it

774
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: started at that juncture, which was and I laugh about

775
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: this because my favorite rapper, Truth has a song about

776
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 1: my testimony and he talks about his story and how

777
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: his testimony wasn't like all the other testimonies out there

778
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 1: because he was a church boy. And so I always

779
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:13,839
Speaker 1: had this thought of, like, my testimony is not cool enough.

780
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: I never did drugs. I never did, you know, all

781
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: this stuff out in the world. I wasn't doing parties

782
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 1: and this and that, Like, I never came from a

783
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 1: bad situation. So I felt like I wasn't legitimate enough

784
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: as a Christian to share my story. And in that

785
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 1: moment I started to actually understand that there was so

786
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 1: much in my testimony that I didn't realize was even there.

787
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,759
Speaker 1: And I call it covert sin versus Overtsin overt is

788
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: what we hear most of the pastors using as examples

789
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 1: on Sunday mornings, which is you smoking marijuana, you out

790
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 1: here doing this and doing you know, getting drunk and

791
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,240
Speaker 1: partying and sleeping around.

792
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 6: Those are like your top three four sins.

793
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 1: It to scare the young people, right, And I started

794
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: realizing there's so much more inside of me that is

795
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: messed up and disgusting and vile to God, that I'm

796
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,840
Speaker 1: not giving enough credit to the enemy. It's like almost

797
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: like I was devaluing jealousy, arrogance, self righteousness, you know,

798
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,319
Speaker 1: all of these things that are in a lot of

799
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: church people and a lot of church kids, especially who

800
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,400
Speaker 1: grew up the way that I grew up, and I

801
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,720
Speaker 1: downplayed them for so years, so many years. God started

802
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: to show me He's like, I hate that just as much. Yes,

803
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,359
Speaker 1: So your story about being a virgin, sure, that was

804
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:28,359
Speaker 1: possibly my perfect you know will there, that was what

805
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: you were supposed to do, But you have a whole

806
00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:32,760
Speaker 1: lot of other mess that you need to take yourself

807
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 1: and your value and understand that you are actually value

808
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: lists without me right and saying that I'm the one

809
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: that gives you that value. I'm the one who created you.

810
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 1: I'm the one who creates your identity. And then the

811
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,920
Speaker 1: grace message coming in and bolstering that on top. I

812
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 1: went down this pathway of understanding what truly is my story?

813
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 6: Who truly am I?

814
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 1: And I started to be built up by God back

815
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 1: into who he saw me, and that confidence allowed me

816
00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:00,320
Speaker 1: to come back into the relationship and apologize because I'm like,

817
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 1: you didn't deserve me walking away. You didn't deserve me

818
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,760
Speaker 1: being confused and trying to fake find myself. You deserve

819
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: someone who knows who they are and knows how to

820
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 1: lead you. And granted nineteen twenty years old, but I

821
00:38:12,719 --> 00:38:15,320
Speaker 1: was I was shooting for marriage. We were both amy

822
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: for marriage, and it was like, if that's what we're

823
00:38:16,719 --> 00:38:18,640
Speaker 1: going for, that's we need to be aspiring at a

824
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 1: higher level.

825
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 3: And what you say.

826
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 5: When he came back and said that we can talk,

827
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,320
Speaker 5: we can talk, and that's what we did. We talked,

828
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 5: and I think right after that I felt like we

829
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,000
Speaker 5: got hit with other things. So we were at the time.

830
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 5: I think that's when the whole Trayvon Martin conversation came

831
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 5: in and we were talking about that.

832
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 6: So it was that was very deep.

833
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 5: That was very deep, like God brought that conversation to

834
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 5: light because we needed to talk about a few things

835
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 5: before we even got to marriage.

836
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 3: So explained what did that opened up? What that conversation

837
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 3: opened up?

838
00:38:52,520 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 5: So so with us being in an interating relationship, there

839
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 5: is we have different cultures, we have different dynamics, and

840
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 5: with Brian and also being around Brian's family, there was

841
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 5: just unaware. They were unaware of the details and the

842
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 5: suffering and the hurt and the pain that is still

843
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 5: happening historically. But yeah, that's happening today because you can

844
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,360
Speaker 5: know the history and all that, but you don't see

845
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 5: the what is it?

846
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 6: What is the word I'm thinking of? The impact?

847
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 5: No, the underlining, the underlining impact that is happening day

848
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 5: to day with us. So when Trayvon Martin happened, it

849
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 5: was one of those conversations of you don't see the

850
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 5: racism that's happening here.

851
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:50,160
Speaker 1: It's happening from a logical, statistical, fact oriented perspective right

852
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 1: as unfortunately many white people do. And that's how they

853
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 1: analyze and filter through instances, and they don't understand again, context, atmosphere, climate,

854
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: behind all of this. I didn't understand what was framing

855
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,879
Speaker 1: the situation, and it took many hard conversations to get

856
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: to that point because we determined there are just things

857
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 1: that we refuse to get married until we are on

858
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: the same page about. We refused to not be on

859
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: the same page with this topic because we can't bring

860
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:21,800
Speaker 1: kids into the world.

861
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 6: We can't face the world if we're not together.

862
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 3: We can't face the world.

863
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:31,359
Speaker 4: That's the most important thing, because if she feels one way,

864
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,000
Speaker 4: you feel another way. And then y'all posting a picture

865
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 4: on social media and you see all the stuff that's

866
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 4: happening now, and then y'all just be arguing because it's like,

867
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 4: how could you not see this? How did you not

868
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:44,720
Speaker 4: see this going on? You like it's.

869
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:45,759
Speaker 6: Not a big deal? Why are you?

870
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 1: And howard do I, as a husband cover her If

871
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm covering her from?

872
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:58,359
Speaker 6: That doesn't even make sense. And then you think from

873
00:40:58,400 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 6: her perspective.

874
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: Of I I need to feel covered, I need to

875
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 1: feel secure, to feel safe, but you don't even know

876
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: what the threat is. So if I can't understand what

877
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm even facing or what I'm even being threatened from.

878
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 1: I don't know what tools to use, what weapons to use.

879
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 1: I don't even know how to go to God in prayer, right,

880
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: So these conversations had to come to the surface. And

881
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 1: so we you know, we went through difficult conversations and

882
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 1: we weren't holding back.

883
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 6: We were we were like, no, no, no, let's get

884
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 6: to the route.

885
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 1: And and the thing that I will say, the reason

886
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,920
Speaker 1: why it worked for us is because there is a

887
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 1: crossroads that white people come to, and in general, when

888
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 1: it comes to the conversation of race, there's a crossroads.

889
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: And that crossroads is I can choose to acknowledge that

890
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:51,120
Speaker 1: I actually, for my entire life, have not thought about

891
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 1: this the right way. Because when you come to that admission,

892
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: you have to go back and think, how many people

893
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: have I hurt with the wrong mindset, how many people

894
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: have I taught down to didn't even realize it. How

895
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 1: many people have I allowed suffering to continue because I

896
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 1: didn't say something because I was unaware. There's so much

897
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 1: baggage that comes with that that most people choose the

898
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,840
Speaker 1: other ute, which is just easier to say the facts

899
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:15,479
Speaker 1: don't support and this, that and the other excuse making,

900
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,760
Speaker 1: excuse making to you know, to not acknowledge the reality.

901
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 6: And so I made the choice.

902
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 1: I was willing to change my mindset that has been

903
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,399
Speaker 1: ingrained in me my entire life, because I always thought

904
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 1: I was around the culture in church culture. I went to,

905
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:36,760
Speaker 1: you know, Apostolic church. You know, my whole life black people.

906
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: There's no white people in sight at my church, right,

907
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: So but I always thought that that meant I got it,

908
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: you know, like it kind of took like I got

909
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: a black.

910
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 6: Friend to the next level.

911
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:48,479
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I got a lot of black friends,

912
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 1: I must not be racist.

913
00:42:53,719 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 6: So it took meeting her.

914
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 1: She was the first person that took me aside and

915
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 1: was like, no, you can't say that, you can't think

916
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: like that.

917
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:05,680
Speaker 6: Why do you Why? Why poking, prodding, getting to the root.

918
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: And that caused me to realize, oh wait, I don't

919
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:12,839
Speaker 1: have this right and I'm willing to do the work

920
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: to understand and empathize.

921
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 5: And you know what's crazy is that because we're an

922
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,000
Speaker 5: inter ethnic relationship, we talk about this on our platform

923
00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 5: and we get so many dms that is saying, look,

924
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:27,479
Speaker 5: I haven't talked to my husband about this. We haven't

925
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 5: had this yeah, other couples, we haven't had this conversation.

926
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 6: Married for thirty years, we never talked about it once,

927
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 6: and it bothers me.

928
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 3: How do you think that's possible?

929
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 4: So by you've been in an inter ethnic relationship, How

930
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:41,120
Speaker 4: is that possible with all the stuff that's going on

931
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:42,840
Speaker 4: that we see constantly.

932
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:47,760
Speaker 6: I don't know. Confused, but what.

933
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,919
Speaker 2: It's really too difficult to talk about exactly, and people

934
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:56,319
Speaker 2: would rather just like tiptoe away from it.

935
00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 5: Think of any hard conversation that you had. And there's

936
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 5: a bunch of married people that just choose to not

937
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:04,720
Speaker 5: talk about the hard conversations.

938
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, but typically that's a hard conversation. That's me and you.

939
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 4: So it's like, I don't want to tell you something

940
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 4: that bothers me, but to say, hey, you see this

941
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,400
Speaker 4: video with this man getting stumped on well, you know,

942
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 4: like having a conversation to see what their natural reaction

943
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,720
Speaker 4: would be, because that's what so put like this. People

944
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 4: use their future WiFi podcast to have those tough conversations

945
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 4: just watching the other couple.

946
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 3: So what you think.

947
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 4: About when they said that, you know, he cheated on

948
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:31,399
Speaker 4: her and she forgave, and what do you think about that? Well,

949
00:44:31,400 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 4: I'm telling you cheat on me, ain't gonna never or

950
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 4: whatever it is. You just have a conversation with another

951
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 4: as a third party instead of just do I not

952
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,880
Speaker 4: tell my mate? We don't act like we see nothing

953
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,719
Speaker 4: on social media when all this stuff has been amplified

954
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 4: and hispanics are getting deported, and like you just just

955
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 4: don't talk about nothing, like, don't even bring it up,

956
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:50,400
Speaker 4: because I've want to have that conversation.

957
00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:52,359
Speaker 5: I think I think you would be surprised how many

958
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 5: people decide to not have this conversation or not.

959
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 6: To go in depth. This is crazy, right, yeah, crazy,

960
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 6: That's how I had. That's how I had. Yeah, So

961
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:04,800
Speaker 6: what do they say to be like I had? I

962
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 6: had a co worker.

963
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 1: I had a coworker who saw some of our stuff

964
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 1: and he came up to me at the Times a

965
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:13,040
Speaker 1: few years ago and he was like, how do you

966
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: guys talk about this?

967
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 6: And I was like, how do you how do you

968
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:16,320
Speaker 6: not talk about this?

969
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 1: Right? Help me understand you? Right, I'm confused that you're confused.

970
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 1: So he was like, we actually chose, we made a

971
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: decision not to bring up race because we knew it

972
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: was a touchy subject for each other, and so we

973
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 1: just decided let's just not talk about it because we

974
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: want our marriage to be whole. We want to be

975
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 1: like your marriage is very fragmented, right, man, it's not whole.

976
00:45:38,280 --> 00:45:41,439
Speaker 1: It's it's scary actually because we talk about this where

977
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, yeah, if you just if you

978
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:45,800
Speaker 1: just keep your house cale, I've you heard this analogy before, Like,

979
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:47,320
Speaker 1: if you just keep your house clean, clean up for

980
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes every night, you know, make sure the floors

981
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,279
Speaker 1: are going to make sure, then then everything's going to

982
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: be fine. We're like, what if a hurricane hits right,

983
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 1: like you're talking about tidying up? What if a storm

984
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: comes that is irrefutable and in a scape and you

985
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 1: have to figure out how do you hold on to

986
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: each other in that story and you don't have anything

987
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: to hold on too. What are you going to do

988
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:11,280
Speaker 1: when when something happens to your child and a police

989
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 1: officer does XYZ to your child and she's freaking out,

990
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:19,320
Speaker 1: And now it's forcing the conversation from a situation that

991
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:20,840
Speaker 1: you never intended or thought would have.

992
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 5: That's what I don't want. I don't want life to

993
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 5: force a conversation. I want us to be proactive, not reactive. Yeah,

994
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 5: that's huge for us.

995
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:34,800
Speaker 2: So I just wanted to say I studied African American

996
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 2: studies and I went to a white schools. In my

997
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 2: entire life, I was one of the only black kids there,

998
00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 2: and you could sit in white privilege. And I want

999
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 2: to say this publicly because you're making me a little emotional,

1000
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:55,840
Speaker 2: how just aware you are, how thoughtful you are, and

1001
00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:00,759
Speaker 2: how much you care about covering my beautiful And I

1002
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:03,839
Speaker 2: want to say that a lot of people, a lot

1003
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 2: of white people, they won't take the time to learn,

1004
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 2: They won't take the time to have the conversation because

1005
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 2: it is scary and you don't have to.

1006
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,319
Speaker 6: But the way you're using your voice right now, yes,

1007
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 6: I want you to know that.

1008
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 2: I want to celebrate you for being bold enough to

1009
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,960
Speaker 2: say what you're saying because I know the climate of

1010
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 2: what we're living right now, and you know where this

1011
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 2: is going. So I just want to thank you for

1012
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:35,479
Speaker 2: saying I know what I have because white privilege says

1013
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 2: you're going to see things from my perspective, But that's

1014
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:39,440
Speaker 2: not the way Brian says it.

1015
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 6: So I just want to celebrate you right.

1016
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 3: Now publicly, and the fact you started doing that at

1017
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,240
Speaker 3: a young age. You know what I'm saying. And it's like, because,

1018
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,120
Speaker 3: like you said, you started off with saying, I don't

1019
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 3: understand what you see.

1020
00:47:49,320 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 4: I don't understand what you're talking about, Lexus, but then

1021
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,720
Speaker 4: your mind started opening up to sit in the trenches,

1022
00:47:54,800 --> 00:47:56,880
Speaker 4: and most people would have just said, we'll forget this

1023
00:47:56,960 --> 00:47:57,800
Speaker 4: is I don't understand it.

1024
00:47:58,040 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 3: I ain't gonna be with no white dude, and you

1025
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 3: like to.

1026
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,840
Speaker 1: Be because it would be easier, right, we wouldn't have

1027
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: had to deal with all this and go through the

1028
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 1: hardship of these conversations.

1029
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 5: We're just with our people and I'm gonna be honest.

1030
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 5: Being on social media and hearing what you said almost

1031
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,280
Speaker 5: made me. I was like, don't cry on this podcast,

1032
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 5: don't get me, don't get me. But being on social

1033
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:26,399
Speaker 5: media and you have the stereotypes of what people think

1034
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 5: of me with people think of Brian, and for him

1035
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 5: to constantly show up in those moments for me is

1036
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:39,359
Speaker 5: something I don't think a lot of people experience when

1037
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,800
Speaker 5: it comes to being an inter ethnic relationship. You know,

1038
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 5: they just want to have a good time, They just

1039
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:45,439
Speaker 5: want to have fun. But for us to talk about

1040
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 5: the hard topics, the topics that people don't want to hear,

1041
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 5: nor do they really care to sometimes hear from me

1042
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:55,359
Speaker 5: because I'm in a relationship with the white man. It's

1043
00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:58,720
Speaker 5: it's hard. You know, you get called we get called names.

1044
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 5: I get called names. I screenshot a kind message today

1045
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 5: somebody said up for the auction, you know, so let

1046
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:06,759
Speaker 5: me help you.

1047
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 4: Understand that, because of course I'm on the outside looking in,

1048
00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:13,800
Speaker 4: and it looks like people are more accepting of a

1049
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:15,319
Speaker 4: black woman being with a white man.

1050
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:16,919
Speaker 3: You don't feel that in general?

1051
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:17,439
Speaker 6: I would agree.

1052
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:21,399
Speaker 5: In general, in general, I would agree like I think

1053
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 5: it's hard, Yes, I think that our community exactly. To

1054
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:29,279
Speaker 5: give you example, somebody, I'm not going to say this

1055
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,839
Speaker 5: person because I don't think that that person deserves any

1056
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 5: type of recognition, But there was a person that has

1057
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:38,359
Speaker 5: a very high following on YouTube, that spent that spent

1058
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 5: a whole video twenty minutes and in an interacting relationship.

1059
00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 6: Coming for us.

1060
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 3: They're in a relationship.

1061
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, his wife coming at us. That's what I mean

1062
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 6: when I say that, what mostly me?

1063
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 3: Actually?

1064
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:54,839
Speaker 6: Yeah, about who he? Oh, No, it's about both of us.

1065
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 6: It was about both of us.

1066
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 5: It was about how we are handling, how we handle

1067
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,719
Speaker 5: each other in their inner ethnic relationship. Everything you said,

1068
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:05,759
Speaker 5: they don't believe. They think we're doing too much. They

1069
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,359
Speaker 5: think that we're They think that we're doing too much.

1070
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 5: They think that we're doing too much.

1071
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:09,040
Speaker 6: With our kids.

1072
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 5: We had a video which I don't know if you saw,

1073
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:15,240
Speaker 5: that talked about how Brian feels. Brian was very strong

1074
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 5: and yes, I have a mixed child, but that doesn't

1075
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 5: mean that I can teach him everything. I want to

1076
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 5: make sure that he's around other black strong men that

1077
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,839
Speaker 5: he can that they can also learn from them as well.

1078
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,280
Speaker 6: They were like, that is ridiculous, you're.

1079
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 4: Man.

1080
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, so.

1081
00:50:34,200 --> 00:50:37,880
Speaker 3: Stop, but I'll tell you ignorance. I'm telling you.

1082
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 4: Because I should be used to something that ignorant, but

1083
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 4: my mind can't even understand it.

1084
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 3: So I want to go slow, act like I'm in kindergarten.

1085
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 4: So you're saying, you actually said that you can't teach

1086
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 4: your kids everything about being black, and you said I

1087
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:58,799
Speaker 4: want to be intentional about putting these kids around other

1088
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 4: strong black men, and that black man found a problem

1089
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 4: with what you said.

1090
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,839
Speaker 6: Yes, he felt a couple of things.

1091
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 1: Number One, he felt that I was saying in doing so,

1092
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: I was saying that my child is black, which is

1093
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 1: not true. We teach our kids, we publicly teach our

1094
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:17,319
Speaker 1: kids that you are both white and black.

1095
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 5: Yes, and we talk about that what society will view you, Yes,

1096
00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 5: we want to make sure that what society will view

1097
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 5: you as black. But in this house, I want you

1098
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 5: to understand that you are both black and white.

1099
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 1: Well, they felt I was denying my whiteness and denying

1100
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 1: the child his whiteness because of this, and that in

1101
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:42,879
Speaker 1: doing so that I'm making Uh, I'm shaming myself because

1102
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,479
Speaker 1: I'm reducing myselself saying because they were like, why can't

1103
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 1: you just raise me be a good person? And I

1104
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 1: was like, oh, so you don't believe racism exists. You're

1105
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: that type godact all I needed to know. But I've

1106
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 1: never had somebody good person.

1107
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 5: But I've never had somebody like spend twenty minutes talking

1108
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:00,760
Speaker 5: about of our children.

1109
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:05,600
Speaker 6: Showed our videos, so they went through them and dissected them. Yeah,

1110
00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:08,840
Speaker 6: I mean in a very very high profile YouTuber.

1111
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 5: And I was like, you know what, I don't want

1112
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 5: to respond because I think that's what this person wants.

1113
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,759
Speaker 5: Because they made multiple tiktoks going viral off of us

1114
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 5: and is this recent?

1115
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is this year a few weeks ago?

1116
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 3: Oh real reason?

1117
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, so this was something that was.

1118
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,239
Speaker 3: But this was so crazy. It's a black man. And

1119
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you this.

1120
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:36,000
Speaker 4: I had a black woman, my friend Cassie, married to

1121
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 4: a white man called guy rested. So he just passed

1122
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 4: away in August. Saving married for thirty three years when

1123
00:52:42,280 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 4: he passed away. Beautiful couple, loved them, had them on

1124
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,880
Speaker 4: the episode three days, episode hit one hundred thousand views,

1125
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 4: went crazy when super viral the next week. I had

1126
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 4: a black guy married to a white woman. Matter of fact,

1127
00:52:56,120 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 4: there's getting married that for following weekend and say who

1128
00:53:01,239 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 4: that video?

1129
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:03,400
Speaker 3: People like I don't want to see this.

1130
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 4: I can't believe this black man to the white But

1131
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 4: when I had the black woman married to the white man,

1132
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 4: does he got a brother?

1133
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:15,239
Speaker 3: Tell me this? This is crazy. So I'm saying, it's

1134
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:19,279
Speaker 3: interesting to hear that you get all the hate that

1135
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:19,799
Speaker 3: you get.

1136
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,400
Speaker 4: And I'm saying, and of course I'm looking at it

1137
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:25,560
Speaker 4: from a tunnel vision, saying from a black audience, I

1138
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 4: know black women.

1139
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 3: Do you get hate from black women?

1140
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 6: Yeah? I get hate from black women. I get hate

1141
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:32,560
Speaker 6: from black men.

1142
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:34,840
Speaker 4: I know black men would give you hat just like

1143
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 4: the black women will give the black man.

1144
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 3: Hate for chooses.

1145
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I will say a lot. I would say

1146
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 5: the majority of black women love, love us. But it

1147
00:53:43,840 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 5: is a mix of who is talking. There's a mix

1148
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 5: of who's talking when it comes to negativity, it's a

1149
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:52,279
Speaker 5: mixture of black women black men, because there is this

1150
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 5: thought of like not mixing our race, not not your

1151
00:53:56,560 --> 00:54:00,360
Speaker 5: your dilute. I hear the word diluting our rape and

1152
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 5: I don't know if this is appropriate to say the word,

1153
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 5: but people would call I get called a bedwinch every day, every.

1154
00:54:08,239 --> 00:54:09,760
Speaker 6: When I know I'm not even joking.

1155
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 5: Dm me messaged me in the comments whether whether I

1156
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 5: get it from Facebook, TikTok, because you know we're on Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, YouTube,

1157
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 5: one of them is going to say it in a day.

1158
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 1: So I think, actually the the most hurtful thing that

1159
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,240
Speaker 1: that Lexi did struggle with because some of the comments

1160
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:32,240
Speaker 1: were like whatever, you'll brush it off. To be honest,

1161
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 1: most of them don't hurt me, and but I know

1162
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 1: that her experience is very different, and so protecting her

1163
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,760
Speaker 1: emotional state of mind and how she's you know, feeling,

1164
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:43,120
Speaker 1: because sometimes just it's so much that it's like, okay,

1165
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 1: it's it's it's weighty. But the thing that I think

1166
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,359
Speaker 1: hurt you the most was when a number of black

1167
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 1: people there was there were certain conversations that were happening.

1168
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,480
Speaker 1: I want to say it was I'll leave that out.

1169
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 1: Things were happening in the country and the climate was thick. Uh.

1170
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 1: A lot of people were saying that she doesn't have

1171
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,800
Speaker 1: a voice as a black woman anymore because she married me,

1172
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 1: and that she can't comment on things in black culture

1173
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 1: because her voice was stripped of her because she's not

1174
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:11,359
Speaker 1: with me. So they're taking away her blackness and her

1175
00:55:11,480 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 1: ability to say as a black woman, I'm hurt by this.

1176
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 4: You can't say that, yeah, this is good, this is

1177
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 4: educating me because I said, I had no idea about that, Like,

1178
00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 4: this is really educating me. Matter of fact, I even

1179
00:55:22,239 --> 00:55:24,080
Speaker 4: told Ashley when she invited y'all, I was like, oh,

1180
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 4: it'd be great. They're gonna love them, because I knew

1181
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:29,359
Speaker 4: that in the past. I'm talking about three years ago

1182
00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 4: whenever I had Cassie on. I think it was the

1183
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 4: second year of my podcast, it was just everybody loved me,

1184
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 4: and I.

1185
00:55:34,920 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 6: Hope they do.

1186
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:40,200
Speaker 4: I have the platform, so I say that. But what

1187
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 4: also in the same thing, I told her, I would

1188
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 4: be nervous for it to be the other way around.

1189
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that's real though, because that's real. And let

1190
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 5: me tell you, we hear those comments a lot. I

1191
00:55:54,640 --> 00:55:56,799
Speaker 5: actually told Brian I wanted to do a video where

1192
00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,719
Speaker 5: I'm like, I really want to have the conversation of

1193
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,840
Speaker 5: why you why is it so different?

1194
00:56:03,760 --> 00:56:05,360
Speaker 6: Because I see both.

1195
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 5: I don't like people to stereotypically view me, so I'm

1196
00:56:08,560 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 5: not gonna stereotypically view somebody that's on the opposite end.

1197
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:12,960
Speaker 6: Have I seen that though?

1198
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 5: And also talk about what society has told you about

1199
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 5: a black male with a white woman and the same

1200
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 5: with us, what society has told us. These are all

1201
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:27,319
Speaker 5: and you could hear this from comedians. Comedians have talked

1202
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:29,080
Speaker 5: about you know, I had to let go of y'all,

1203
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:30,160
Speaker 5: I had to go.

1204
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:31,320
Speaker 6: Jamie Fox.

1205
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 5: Literally just said that in his Netflix Netflix sent up.

1206
00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:40,640
Speaker 5: He was like, y'all, I'm sorry, I'm gonna stop. I'm

1207
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,439
Speaker 5: gonna stop being with the white bunnies, That's what he said.

1208
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,239
Speaker 5: And he was like, I'm gonna come back to y'all,

1209
00:56:45,960 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 5: but other people like man, y'all to y'all too strong,

1210
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 5: I had to go somewhere else, which is calling calling

1211
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,280
Speaker 5: white people sensitive, the white women's sensitive.

1212
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 6: So it's a lot of.

1213
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 5: TV, it's a lot of what we were taught growing up.

1214
00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:03,520
Speaker 5: Instead of actually having the conversation, Let's ask real people

1215
00:57:04,280 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 5: what they think about this conversation. The sad thing is

1216
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:09,879
Speaker 5: is that you have this other person that went off

1217
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:13,480
Speaker 5: on us that is pushing that stereotype.

1218
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 6: It's pushing that stereotypes.

1219
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:17,080
Speaker 4: I said, the hypocrisy of it all, I'm like now,

1220
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 4: but that's the part that makes my mind be like,

1221
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:23,400
Speaker 4: you put a video out talking about them and you're

1222
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 4: in the same situation.

1223
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 2: But I understand when people say I only date this,

1224
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:33,600
Speaker 2: right or don't I won't date somebody who looks like me.

1225
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:35,000
Speaker 6: I think the.

1226
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 2: Beauty in it is where all God's children and you

1227
00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 2: should because God don't see any of this. That's what

1228
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:43,960
Speaker 2: really if you really want to talk about it, when

1229
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 2: we get to heaven, if you don't like white people,

1230
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:48,200
Speaker 2: you don't like black people. If you think you're making

1231
00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:51,440
Speaker 2: it to heaven, we're gonna all be there, right that's

1232
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 2: the truth. But I think that I understand the challenge

1233
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:58,000
Speaker 2: of someone saying that I don't date that because I

1234
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,640
Speaker 2: just don't like somebody, like I don't like black men,

1235
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 2: I don't like white women. And you are that because

1236
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 2: that's what your mom looks like, that's what your dad

1237
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 2: is exactly.

1238
00:58:05,920 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 6: That's the conversation that, Yeah, that's weird.

1239
00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:10,840
Speaker 2: That's a weird, you know, But when you fall in

1240
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 2: love with someone, however they look, if they love you,

1241
00:58:15,160 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 2: if they cover you, if they're an example of God's

1242
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:19,200
Speaker 2: love for.

1243
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:21,960
Speaker 6: You, that's it. Yes, that's it.

1244
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:25,800
Speaker 2: That's all that's needed. You don't owe anybody an explanation.

1245
00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 2: Haters can hate because that's what they're doing. They're mad

1246
00:58:29,320 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 2: at themselves and they're actually saying more about where they

1247
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 2: are than where you guys are.

1248
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 5: And I will say that it's I tell Brian, like,

1249
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:41,800
Speaker 5: having this conversation has so many sides to it, because,

1250
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 5: like you said, it's okay if you want to be

1251
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 5: with somebody that looks like your mom, like, looks like

1252
00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 5: your culture, looks like what you've been around.

1253
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 6: But it is weird.

1254
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:54,080
Speaker 5: Sometimes this is where some people come and talk about

1255
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 5: us because they have this assumption that Brian because he's white,

1256
00:58:58,160 --> 00:59:00,040
Speaker 5: and there's some people that we know that have I

1257
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,360
Speaker 5: have done this, they only have dated white they only

1258
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 5: have dated black women, and it becomes more of an

1259
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:08,520
Speaker 5: exotic thought yeah than actually, like no, I just like

1260
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:12,840
Speaker 5: this person who happens to be black, and they have

1261
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 5: that assumption about us, and I'm like, no, Brian is

1262
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:17,920
Speaker 5: dated all types of women and all types of types

1263
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 5: of cultures and like that.

1264
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 6: People to me, you're so cold. I know that's why

1265
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:36,040
Speaker 6: I put him here. But that's a that's a real thing.

1266
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:40,840
Speaker 5: So the other side is that I empathize so much

1267
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 5: on why people think the way they think, whether it

1268
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 5: be whether it's about us.

1269
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 3: Did you date with different races that know that people

1270
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:49,479
Speaker 3: have this? Did you date different races?

1271
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, yeah, no, not all. This is my first

1272
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:55,320
Speaker 6: white person. We were young. We couldn't get through everybody.

1273
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 3: Back then, be real short.

1274
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 6: But I did it mainly black. I did it mainly black.

1275
01:00:02,840 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 5: This was I had one person that was Latino, but

1276
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 5: that I mainly dated black. So this was the first

1277
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:13,000
Speaker 5: time for me being with a white person. But there's

1278
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:16,000
Speaker 5: literally times where I have these moments where I'm around

1279
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 5: Brian or around Brian's family. I'm like, wow, it's like

1280
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 5: the movies. It's like, wow, y'all really white picket fence

1281
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:23,080
Speaker 5: over here.

1282
01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:24,920
Speaker 6: Because I grew up in the hood, I was like,

1283
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 6: we had family movie.

1284
01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 3: Now.

1285
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 6: She was like this is nice. Oh wow, I love this.

1286
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:38,560
Speaker 6: What are you guys gonna get that Christmas tradition? She's

1287
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 6: like this, I want traditions.

1288
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:41,280
Speaker 3: I was telling.

1289
01:00:41,440 --> 01:00:44,480
Speaker 5: I'm like, I know, I didn't go to like apple orchard,

1290
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 5: apple orchard, I didn't go to.

1291
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 6: Cider mills, cider mills. I was like, wow, what we do?

1292
01:00:55,640 --> 01:00:57,680
Speaker 5: Say they go up north and you know, go to

1293
01:00:58,160 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 5: you know, go hang out there. That's what a lot

1294
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:01,320
Speaker 5: of white peop they go up north. And I was like, oh,

1295
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 5: I'm going up north until it.

1296
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:08,360
Speaker 3: Turned when we want to get away from slavery, we went.

1297
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 6: I was a little nurse. We've gone so far, we

1298
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 6: got to up there.

1299
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:20,560
Speaker 3: We don't want to.

1300
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:29,280
Speaker 4: So when you think about that, as y'all been navigating that,

1301
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 4: how do y'all make sure that y'all don't bring in

1302
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 4: what's on social media into your household?

1303
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 3: How do y'all protect that?

1304
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 6: Are you talking about which just what's going on with

1305
01:01:38,960 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 6: the world or in the comments.

1306
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 1: Y'all, I think we're way beyond that, to be honest,

1307
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:46,280
Speaker 1: and I don't want to sound like any type of way,

1308
01:01:46,320 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 1: but we When I say we worked through our stuff

1309
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:53,160
Speaker 1: before marriage, when I say like, there has not been

1310
01:01:53,440 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 1: a topic, I can't even remember how long it's been

1311
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 1: since we were like at war with each other about

1312
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:02,440
Speaker 1: So it's one of those things that we're we're there's refinement,

1313
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,760
Speaker 1: there's fine tuning, there's tweaking, there's check ins, there's you know, how.

1314
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:07,520
Speaker 6: Do you feel about that? How should I feel about that?

1315
01:02:07,520 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 6: You know, give me context?

1316
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:14,280
Speaker 1: Okay, great, but no one's comments and no situation politically

1317
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 1: socially has impacted us, thank god. And it's a testimony

1318
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 1: to the work that we did young and that's why

1319
01:02:20,920 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 1: I mean we champion this in marriage in general.

1320
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:25,000
Speaker 6: It's like what is dating for?

1321
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: Y'all have to do the hard work then, so you

1322
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:31,640
Speaker 1: don't have to be surprised in marriage. There was nothing

1323
01:02:31,680 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 1: that surprised me about her in a negative way, like

1324
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 1: little things, sure, but I wasn't like I can't even

1325
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 1: recognize you. I can't believe this. What did I marry into?

1326
01:02:40,760 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to have that moment, I don't

1327
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:44,000
Speaker 1: want to wake up and go oh shoot.

1328
01:02:44,360 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 5: Honestly, our conversation about raise had us do like we wrote,

1329
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 5: We wrote a rope of what I was saying. We

1330
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:54,520
Speaker 5: wrote a workbook that talked about how to have heart

1331
01:02:54,640 --> 01:02:58,880
Speaker 5: conversations because that had That was one of the main

1332
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:01,800
Speaker 5: hard conversations that we had to have and that actually

1333
01:03:01,920 --> 01:03:05,520
Speaker 5: sparked us with other hard conversations and marriage because we

1334
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:07,800
Speaker 5: just have a willingness to hear each other out.

1335
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 3: That's good.

1336
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 6: That's what we call it. Is willing is to change.

1337
01:03:10,120 --> 01:03:12,880
Speaker 6: You know, a little pluck, but we get it.

1338
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:14,200
Speaker 3: Just go and say where you can get it.

1339
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 5: Oh, you can get it on our website. We have

1340
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 5: Hello at the Cold. We have the Coal brand dot com,

1341
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 5: so you can order it there. And but it's called

1342
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 5: the willingness to change and it the goal is to

1343
01:03:24,160 --> 01:03:27,240
Speaker 5: learn how to have how to create a safe space

1344
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:29,000
Speaker 5: having hard conversations.

1345
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 1: Because by having these conversations, it created like a template

1346
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,720
Speaker 1: for us to follow for other things that we then

1347
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:36,480
Speaker 1: had to face in marriage. It was like, okay, empathy,

1348
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:39,360
Speaker 1: creating a safe space, creating a safe environment to be

1349
01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:42,560
Speaker 1: heard and understood. And then we started getting deeper and reading.

1350
01:03:42,880 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 1: You know a lot of books about this and understanding. Okay,

1351
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 1: we have converson readers. Yeah, conversations aren't about like debates

1352
01:03:50,440 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 1: and arguing and getting your point across. It's about hearing understanding.

1353
01:03:53,880 --> 01:03:55,760
Speaker 1: It's not to even get on the same page. It's

1354
01:03:55,840 --> 01:03:59,480
Speaker 1: to feel understood and with understanding one another, then what

1355
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:01,200
Speaker 1: are we going to do about it? Then what's the

1356
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:04,040
Speaker 1: next step and the decision making? So it created that

1357
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:04,760
Speaker 1: blueprint for us.

1358
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 3: That's good.

1359
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:07,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's never a conversation where I feel like, oh,

1360
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:10,600
Speaker 5: I can't have it. It's like we're just open to

1361
01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:14,080
Speaker 5: having the hard conversations and talking through it if we

1362
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 5: need space. We always talk about how sometimes we got

1363
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 5: to text each other, you know, when it's too dead,

1364
01:04:19,520 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 5: we got to tach other from another room. It's just

1365
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 5: the same thing. I don't care what anybody says. It

1366
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:26,600
Speaker 5: works for us for us. For us, we will be

1367
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:27,360
Speaker 5: in mad conversation.

1368
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 1: I said, give me a second, I'm gonna go to

1369
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:31,520
Speaker 1: the living room and each other and I would text

1370
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 1: because when I text, I can read what I'm saying

1371
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:37,080
Speaker 1: and review it, delete and change. What I can do

1372
01:04:37,120 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 1: is delete my words. Okay, Yeah, so I text it

1373
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, okay, that's thought out. Now we

1374
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:43,080
Speaker 1: can come back there, you.

1375
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:45,439
Speaker 3: Go get it, funneled it through chat GPT. How does

1376
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 3: it sound right?

1377
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:47,320
Speaker 2: Yes?

1378
01:04:48,720 --> 01:04:54,120
Speaker 5: But actually, but actually Melissa Frederick's afforded our book, so

1379
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:55,880
Speaker 5: that was really cool.

1380
01:04:56,040 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 6: She read it, she loved it.

1381
01:04:57,160 --> 01:04:59,520
Speaker 3: So yeah, that's good. That's good.

1382
01:05:00,640 --> 01:05:03,320
Speaker 4: Let's go back. So how did it get to the

1383
01:05:03,360 --> 01:05:06,080
Speaker 4: place of proposal? How did that take place? How to

1384
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 4: go about that? Walk us through that briefly?

1385
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 1: Uh. I think it was one of those moments where

1386
01:05:12,880 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 1: I wasn't naive to think, like I have to be

1387
01:05:15,160 --> 01:05:17,680
Speaker 1: perfect to be ready, you know, It's like, okay, perfection

1388
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:19,720
Speaker 1: is something that we'll never get to. But it's a

1389
01:05:20,520 --> 01:05:22,400
Speaker 1: it's a journey in a process. So I think we

1390
01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:24,600
Speaker 1: did get to the point where we felt very on

1391
01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:27,480
Speaker 1: the same page. Yes, And that's where it truly locked

1392
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:29,800
Speaker 1: in for us, is we feel on the same page.

1393
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:32,240
Speaker 1: We feel like if we don't take the next step,

1394
01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:35,320
Speaker 1: we're just be laboring this point in our in our journey.

1395
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 6: But he did try to play me, Oh, I got

1396
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:39,960
Speaker 6: her good and the purpose to do what you do?

1397
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:44,400
Speaker 6: I faked an argument beforehand. I was getting too close

1398
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 6: to knowing that was.

1399
01:05:47,440 --> 01:05:50,800
Speaker 1: So we were driving and we were driving and I

1400
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:53,440
Speaker 1: was like, I was like, baby, I wants to take

1401
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:54,960
Speaker 1: go on a nice date. You know, want you to

1402
01:05:55,000 --> 01:05:56,720
Speaker 1: get your nailed. That's the hard part when you say

1403
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:59,600
Speaker 1: get your nailed. An old man cares about the nails,

1404
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:01,760
Speaker 1: but you know they care so the moment you say

1405
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 1: get your nails.

1406
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:07,040
Speaker 6: So I had to divert it hard. I knew it

1407
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:07,400
Speaker 6: was coming.

1408
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:09,160
Speaker 1: So we were driving and I was like, get your nails.

1409
01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:13,880
Speaker 1: Then she goes nails and she was like are you

1410
01:06:15,360 --> 01:06:16,680
Speaker 1: And I was and I looked at her and I

1411
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:18,480
Speaker 1: was like are you serious?

1412
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 6: And she's like, what do you mean? I was like,

1413
01:06:22,680 --> 01:06:25,080
Speaker 6: you actually think we're ready for that right now?

1414
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:28,960
Speaker 3: It was like the ring.

1415
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:34,000
Speaker 5: He stopped the car and he like like it was dramatic.

1416
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,920
Speaker 5: He stopped the car, was like, let's see for the

1417
01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:41,440
Speaker 5: whole production, like like you like that? That looks like

1418
01:06:41,560 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 5: are you serious?

1419
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:42,560
Speaker 4: Right now?

1420
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:43,640
Speaker 6: Whoa?

1421
01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:46,200
Speaker 5: And he was like, are you serious to think we're

1422
01:06:46,200 --> 01:06:51,600
Speaker 5: ready for marriage? And I said okay. I was like

1423
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:54,520
Speaker 5: what do you what are you trying to say? And

1424
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 5: he was like, I mean, I just think we have

1425
01:06:56,520 --> 01:06:58,000
Speaker 5: a lot of things that we need to work on.

1426
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:02,479
Speaker 5: And I don't want you to uh misread what I'm saying,

1427
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:04,080
Speaker 5: like I'm just trying to do something that's.

1428
01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:08,560
Speaker 6: I mean, Brian can act. He was, he was ready,

1429
01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:11,960
Speaker 6: He was ready. The problem was I was anywhere.

1430
01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:13,880
Speaker 3: Years so far.

1431
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:16,600
Speaker 6: Because now she didn't want to go on the date.

1432
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 5: That she was pissed, I said, actually, cancel it, cancel it.

1433
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:23,560
Speaker 6: I said, I don't want to go.

1434
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:23,720
Speaker 1: No.

1435
01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:26,120
Speaker 5: I caught him next day because I was crying. I

1436
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 5: caught him next day and I said, you know what,

1437
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:29,080
Speaker 5: I think I need some time to think.

1438
01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 9: You know that you know that video that's like at

1439
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 9: that moment, I knew what was at this moment I got.

1440
01:07:37,400 --> 01:07:44,600
Speaker 9: I bet you wonder how did we get here? I said,

1441
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 9: we need to break up.

1442
01:07:46,240 --> 01:07:47,600
Speaker 1: We need some time to think. Because I was her

1443
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:54,400
Speaker 1: full time so so I convinced her to finally go

1444
01:07:54,480 --> 01:07:57,520
Speaker 1: on the date with me. The problem was, so I

1445
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 1: had planned this whole thing. I was a little extravagant.

1446
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:02,960
Speaker 1: So I had a Limo pull up. You know, she

1447
01:08:03,040 --> 01:08:04,120
Speaker 1: I was supposed take her on the day and I

1448
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 1: was like, where are your this dress?

1449
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:05,320
Speaker 3: You know?

1450
01:08:05,360 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 1: Where you know get you the other So I had

1451
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,640
Speaker 1: a Limo pull up and she doesn't know about the limo.

1452
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:13,440
Speaker 1: She thinks I'm pulling up, so whenever I pull up,

1453
01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:15,040
Speaker 1: being the gentleman that I am, I go to her

1454
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,040
Speaker 1: door and I get her and I'm bringing the car.

1455
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:20,200
Speaker 6: Well, this time, I call her. I'm at the location.

1456
01:08:20,240 --> 01:08:23,000
Speaker 5: I'm already irritated to I'm already irritated with him to

1457
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:23,559
Speaker 5: go on to day.

1458
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:25,320
Speaker 1: All right, the limo's just there, so I need her

1459
01:08:25,360 --> 01:08:27,519
Speaker 1: to come out and see the limo as a shock factor.

1460
01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:30,840
Speaker 1: I'm in the park where i'm proposing call her. Baby,

1461
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:33,240
Speaker 1: I need you to come outside. We're running a little

1462
01:08:33,320 --> 01:08:35,400
Speaker 1: late the dinner reservations here. I just need you to

1463
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:35,920
Speaker 1: come outside.

1464
01:08:36,680 --> 01:08:39,360
Speaker 6: Are you kidding me? Not only do you say X

1465
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:41,679
Speaker 6: y Z, but you can't even come to the door.

1466
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,400
Speaker 6: I mean the clapping. I could hear it in the background.

1467
01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:47,360
Speaker 6: I was like, ah, I was like, right now exactly,

1468
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:50,760
Speaker 6: so you can't even come to the door. The dec

1469
01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 6: I was like, oh my lord, I'm crazy. I'm crazy.

1470
01:08:54,120 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 1: I don't know whether to crack up or freak out.

1471
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:59,679
Speaker 1: So I was like, baby, I understand. I'm just asking

1472
01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 1: you please come to the door.

1473
01:09:01,479 --> 01:09:02,720
Speaker 6: Thank you. And I had to hang up because I

1474
01:09:02,800 --> 01:09:07,120
Speaker 6: was like, I can't any oh, buddy, I don't know.

1475
01:09:07,920 --> 01:09:11,240
Speaker 6: I'm about to crash out.

1476
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:14,560
Speaker 5: So I was like, did you really hang out on me?

1477
01:09:14,640 --> 01:09:17,800
Speaker 5: So I'm opening the door yelling I'm mad.

1478
01:09:18,840 --> 01:09:21,280
Speaker 6: I guess guy. I was like oh, I said, oh,

1479
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:23,360
Speaker 6: but I got a limo. And I was like, oh,

1480
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:26,880
Speaker 6: he got me a lemo.

1481
01:09:27,160 --> 01:09:28,760
Speaker 5: I was like, this was it was, But I in

1482
01:09:28,840 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 5: my mind I still didn't think because the way he

1483
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:33,680
Speaker 5: is good, the way he went off on me, I

1484
01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:35,800
Speaker 5: was like, Oh, this is an apology, Limo.

1485
01:09:36,960 --> 01:09:43,080
Speaker 6: An apology. He doesn't again, so I was like, oh,

1486
01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 6: this is an apology. Limo. He's trying to say, sorry,

1487
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:46,519
Speaker 6: I forget. Let me get this limo.

1488
01:09:48,000 --> 01:09:48,479
Speaker 3: She says, it.

1489
01:09:48,520 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 1: Matches my shoes. This is nice picture apology. So the limo,

1490
01:09:56,720 --> 01:09:58,320
Speaker 1: she's thinking, the limo is gonna take he to the restaurant.

1491
01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:00,640
Speaker 1: Limo pulls up to our favorite park. Favorite park has

1492
01:10:00,640 --> 01:10:03,200
Speaker 1: two sides split by a lake. The one side takes

1493
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,240
Speaker 1: her to where this doc is. That's like a release.

1494
01:10:05,360 --> 01:10:07,599
Speaker 6: This park is like our park. It's our very special,

1495
01:10:07,640 --> 01:10:08,280
Speaker 6: beautiful park.

1496
01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:11,559
Speaker 1: We've had arguments there, we've had makeup there, We've had

1497
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:13,920
Speaker 1: like hard conversations. We have all these beautiful moments that

1498
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:18,240
Speaker 1: accumulated our relationship. So she gets there and I set

1499
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:20,320
Speaker 1: up the whole dock as like an art gallery. We

1500
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:23,240
Speaker 1: had like drape what is it, drape, pipe, pipe and drape,

1501
01:10:23,280 --> 01:10:28,519
Speaker 1: I don't call them outside, And I had exhibits tables

1502
01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:31,160
Speaker 1: with lit cloth and had all these little things that

1503
01:10:31,240 --> 01:10:33,360
Speaker 1: were like special memories to us and moments for us

1504
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:36,680
Speaker 1: in our relationship, pivotal moments. And you know, because my

1505
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 1: goal was to have her by herself before I propose,

1506
01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:42,840
Speaker 1: before her family Seesar starts making a big deal, I

1507
01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:45,120
Speaker 1: wanted her to have a moment of reflection, to go

1508
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:48,360
Speaker 1: through our history and appreciate the gravity of what was happening,

1509
01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:51,160
Speaker 1: and just to be able to internalize that have and

1510
01:10:51,360 --> 01:10:52,759
Speaker 1: just actually be present.

1511
01:10:53,240 --> 01:10:55,560
Speaker 6: So each thing had a description.

1512
01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:56,960
Speaker 1: That she would be like an art gallery piece, so

1513
01:10:57,040 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 1: it would describe what that moment meant to us, what

1514
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,320
Speaker 1: it meant to me all this so she basically walked

1515
01:11:01,320 --> 01:11:03,080
Speaker 1: through our whole timeline of our relationship.

1516
01:11:03,479 --> 01:11:04,360
Speaker 6: Got back in the limo.

1517
01:11:04,479 --> 01:11:06,479
Speaker 5: You would have like little cars that sayd like historians

1518
01:11:06,520 --> 01:11:08,920
Speaker 5: say that this was when Brian and Alexis did this.

1519
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:12,600
Speaker 6: It was very sweet, It was dramatic, you.

1520
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:15,800
Speaker 3: Know, my type of time I like that. I like that,

1521
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:17,639
Speaker 3: So then you had to take her somewhere else.

1522
01:11:17,840 --> 01:11:20,400
Speaker 5: She's back in the limo comes over. I was getting

1523
01:11:20,400 --> 01:11:22,200
Speaker 5: proposed to then, so I was already crying.

1524
01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:23,240
Speaker 6: I was already crying.

1525
01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:24,720
Speaker 3: To exhibit, you knew what time.

1526
01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:27,519
Speaker 6: I knew what time was. Yeah, there's no apology exhibits.

1527
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:31,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I still thought I was going to a

1528
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,679
Speaker 5: dinner because I looked over. You can't see the other side.

1529
01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:35,559
Speaker 5: It's a lake in between the other side of the park,

1530
01:11:35,840 --> 01:11:37,400
Speaker 5: and there was a bunch of trees, so you couldn't

1531
01:11:37,439 --> 01:11:38,240
Speaker 5: see the other side.

1532
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:42,120
Speaker 6: So the other side pulls up. The families there, friends

1533
01:11:42,200 --> 01:11:42,559
Speaker 6: are there.

1534
01:11:42,800 --> 01:11:45,439
Speaker 1: There's a little pathway that is covered with rose petals,

1535
01:11:45,479 --> 01:11:47,679
Speaker 1: and there's a podium. At the bottom of the podium

1536
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:50,200
Speaker 1: there's three five different color roses.

1537
01:11:50,320 --> 01:11:52,160
Speaker 6: Because that meant something to us in our dating.

1538
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:55,799
Speaker 5: How he asked me to be his girlfriend was very dramatic,

1539
01:11:55,880 --> 01:11:58,040
Speaker 5: too on time for that. Really quick, really quick of

1540
01:11:58,120 --> 01:12:00,920
Speaker 5: this one is that he had he had put me

1541
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:03,519
Speaker 5: on a scavenger hunt and each person had a different rose.

1542
01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:06,760
Speaker 6: It started with friendship, ended with rose colors.

1543
01:12:06,960 --> 01:12:08,240
Speaker 3: Different friendship.

1544
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:11,559
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, so we had everybody had a different colored

1545
01:12:11,680 --> 01:12:14,519
Speaker 5: rolls and he had a meaning a little awkward went.

1546
01:12:14,400 --> 01:12:19,519
Speaker 6: To that purity one. But you know, white rose, we

1547
01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:26,000
Speaker 6: weren't here that the pretty dark bro.

1548
01:12:27,600 --> 01:12:30,240
Speaker 1: So so we had all the colored roses there that

1549
01:12:30,320 --> 01:12:33,800
Speaker 1: signified that moment and all the different levels of relationship

1550
01:12:33,840 --> 01:12:36,559
Speaker 1: that were incorporated in our history and got done.

1551
01:12:36,479 --> 01:12:38,519
Speaker 6: On one need did the proposal and all that good stuff.

1552
01:12:38,560 --> 01:12:40,720
Speaker 3: So who I was there?

1553
01:12:42,040 --> 01:12:44,880
Speaker 6: My family, her family, some of our best friends, and

1554
01:12:44,960 --> 01:12:46,280
Speaker 6: then and then who was not there?

1555
01:12:46,439 --> 01:12:49,679
Speaker 1: Was a lady from the church who called me and said,

1556
01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:51,560
Speaker 1: I thought you called me mama, and I thought I

1557
01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:53,000
Speaker 1: was closer in my life to you.

1558
01:12:53,640 --> 01:12:56,400
Speaker 6: And we got a few calls. People were not happy

1559
01:12:56,439 --> 01:12:59,760
Speaker 6: that they were not invited. It's very true.

1560
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:02,840
Speaker 3: He was not there.

1561
01:13:04,280 --> 01:13:06,640
Speaker 4: So when you talked to her, you talked to her

1562
01:13:06,720 --> 01:13:09,000
Speaker 4: family prior to proposal, correct talk to her dad.

1563
01:13:09,439 --> 01:13:11,360
Speaker 3: What her dad say? What was that conversation?

1564
01:13:12,280 --> 01:13:16,080
Speaker 1: It was really awkward because her dad is a very

1565
01:13:16,120 --> 01:13:18,920
Speaker 1: busy man and this is the first time I've asked

1566
01:13:19,000 --> 01:13:20,559
Speaker 1: him to meet me somewhere out of.

1567
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:23,240
Speaker 6: The blue, so like it was kind of like why,

1568
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:25,960
Speaker 6: you know, I was like, can we meet? I really

1569
01:13:26,000 --> 01:13:28,320
Speaker 6: want to talk to you about what it was like.

1570
01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:30,679
Speaker 3: My phone?

1571
01:13:31,080 --> 01:13:32,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I had to convince him to meet me

1572
01:13:33,120 --> 01:13:35,880
Speaker 1: at a random pop belly for lunch, you know and

1573
01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:38,000
Speaker 1: Telegraph in twelve mile and you know, we sat there

1574
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:41,360
Speaker 1: and uh, then I had the conversation and he was

1575
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:44,760
Speaker 1: very proud, he was very honored that I respected that

1576
01:13:45,160 --> 01:13:47,759
Speaker 1: and you know, came to him first, and he obviously

1577
01:13:47,800 --> 01:13:49,879
Speaker 1: gave his blessing, but he was he was very excited,

1578
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:51,160
Speaker 1: very good conversation.

1579
01:13:51,320 --> 01:13:53,519
Speaker 4: So what did that feel as a woman to see

1580
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:56,240
Speaker 4: that he went through all that work, that detail to

1581
01:13:57,360 --> 01:13:58,479
Speaker 4: ask you to be his wife?

1582
01:14:00,160 --> 01:14:02,600
Speaker 6: Honestly, I would say that.

1583
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:14,240
Speaker 1: Affirmations all that, Yeah, yeah, oh my god, I'm sorry.

1584
01:14:14,479 --> 01:14:15,200
Speaker 6: Back to your moment.

1585
01:14:18,800 --> 01:14:23,120
Speaker 5: I will say that Brian, that was the normal for

1586
01:14:23,240 --> 01:14:27,920
Speaker 5: me to be honest, and it's not to sound uh

1587
01:14:28,720 --> 01:14:31,040
Speaker 5: what is it arrogant or I don't know. But Brian

1588
01:14:31,240 --> 01:14:34,600
Speaker 5: showed me who he was when we were dating. So

1589
01:14:34,840 --> 01:14:38,160
Speaker 5: by the time that he proposed me, it was beautiful.

1590
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:40,639
Speaker 5: I was in awe, but I have been in awe

1591
01:14:40,920 --> 01:14:46,240
Speaker 5: of Brian and what he's done for years. How Brian

1592
01:14:46,439 --> 01:14:48,920
Speaker 5: was the person that when we just started dating, he

1593
01:14:49,080 --> 01:14:51,800
Speaker 5: would I would randomly maybe touch something that I would like,

1594
01:14:51,880 --> 01:14:54,519
Speaker 5: he would notice it, and then a few a few

1595
01:14:54,560 --> 01:14:58,519
Speaker 5: weeks later he would surprise me and have those things together.

1596
01:14:58,960 --> 01:15:00,880
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying Brian, and you know, it wasn't

1597
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:03,080
Speaker 5: like you know, stacking that time. We didn't have money,

1598
01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:06,320
Speaker 5: we were you know, young and whatever. But he would

1599
01:15:06,439 --> 01:15:09,040
Speaker 5: do stuff for me like that. He would surprise me

1600
01:15:09,160 --> 01:15:13,040
Speaker 5: all the time. He would he'd made a huge colage.

1601
01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:14,639
Speaker 5: He used to call me baby cakes. He would make

1602
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:16,400
Speaker 5: a huge collage print produce moment.

1603
01:15:16,520 --> 01:15:18,280
Speaker 6: But it stuck.

1604
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:23,160
Speaker 5: I love baby cakes. But he put the he would

1605
01:15:23,200 --> 01:15:25,479
Speaker 5: cut out the word baby cakes. This is a huge frame,

1606
01:15:25,920 --> 01:15:28,920
Speaker 5: and he printed out our whole journey of our relationship

1607
01:15:29,200 --> 01:15:32,759
Speaker 5: and made it into the words like he's He's always

1608
01:15:32,840 --> 01:15:36,479
Speaker 5: been like that. So I feel like that was something

1609
01:15:36,560 --> 01:15:38,840
Speaker 5: that was just a part of him. And I just

1610
01:15:38,920 --> 01:15:41,479
Speaker 5: continue to feel So.

1611
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:42,519
Speaker 3: Who taught you that?

1612
01:15:44,040 --> 01:15:46,960
Speaker 4: I honestly don't know, so that romantic side. Nobody sat

1613
01:15:47,040 --> 01:15:49,479
Speaker 4: down to you and told you that you just was innate?

1614
01:15:50,080 --> 01:15:51,639
Speaker 6: Yeah, I honestly don't.

1615
01:15:51,760 --> 01:15:52,160
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1616
01:15:52,880 --> 01:15:57,439
Speaker 1: It's it's just I sometimes wonder, I really do, because

1617
01:15:57,640 --> 01:16:00,360
Speaker 1: she was the first person that I loved, So I

1618
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,080
Speaker 1: wonder if it was just the love that I have

1619
01:16:03,240 --> 01:16:06,000
Speaker 1: or that brought it out. That's because I just I

1620
01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:10,160
Speaker 1: wasn't taught or like given examples of to that anywhere

1621
01:16:10,200 --> 01:16:13,320
Speaker 1: near that degree in the relationships that I had seen

1622
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:15,400
Speaker 1: and my parents, I'll say, my parents.

1623
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:16,400
Speaker 6: Have a beautiful marriage.

1624
01:16:16,479 --> 01:16:19,720
Speaker 1: They're been married for a long time, almost forty years

1625
01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:22,439
Speaker 1: coming up on, so I mean they've had a beautiful love.

1626
01:16:22,560 --> 01:16:26,920
Speaker 6: But that wasn't the dynamic. So I think it was

1627
01:16:27,120 --> 01:16:29,400
Speaker 6: just the depth of love that I have for this

1628
01:16:29,560 --> 01:16:33,320
Speaker 6: girl that just brought it out of me. I really do.

1629
01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:36,519
Speaker 5: I wonder if but I always wonder where it came from,

1630
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:38,559
Speaker 5: because I always wondered where it came from.

1631
01:16:39,160 --> 01:16:42,200
Speaker 4: And it's interesting because like a lot of men, we're

1632
01:16:42,280 --> 01:16:44,960
Speaker 4: not taught that. I have never seen an sit down

1633
01:16:44,960 --> 01:16:46,320
Speaker 4: and say what you want to do for the woman?

1634
01:16:46,400 --> 01:16:47,840
Speaker 3: Is you want to do? You know, we don't have

1635
01:16:47,920 --> 01:16:50,840
Speaker 3: those conversations at all. I don't know a friend.

1636
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:53,479
Speaker 4: I don't know anybody that I've known who said their

1637
01:16:53,560 --> 01:16:55,120
Speaker 4: father taught them how to be romantic.

1638
01:16:55,160 --> 01:16:56,479
Speaker 6: But I would love to do that for my son.

1639
01:16:56,680 --> 01:16:56,960
Speaker 3: Me too.

1640
01:16:57,160 --> 01:16:59,400
Speaker 4: I loved that's what I do for my nephew's son.

1641
01:16:59,560 --> 01:17:02,479
Speaker 4: I said, down and we was talking about that the

1642
01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:04,840
Speaker 4: other day in the fifth grade. I had him go

1643
01:17:04,960 --> 01:17:07,320
Speaker 4: get all the girls in his class.

1644
01:17:07,400 --> 01:17:08,439
Speaker 3: For Valentine's Day.

1645
01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:12,200
Speaker 4: We went to Walmart, got a little gift bag, got

1646
01:17:12,200 --> 01:17:14,679
Speaker 4: a little Teddy bear, got little chocolates, did this stuff.

1647
01:17:14,680 --> 01:17:16,320
Speaker 4: I told him to write something on each card and

1648
01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:18,240
Speaker 4: give it to each girl. You know, at first he

1649
01:17:18,320 --> 01:17:20,200
Speaker 4: was like, wow, I do that. I said, listen, I'm

1650
01:17:20,240 --> 01:17:23,000
Speaker 4: putting in the game, I'm putting together teaching.

1651
01:17:23,000 --> 01:17:23,360
Speaker 3: And he did.

1652
01:17:23,400 --> 01:17:25,400
Speaker 6: It doesn't make you soft to do these things. No,

1653
01:17:25,600 --> 01:17:27,040
Speaker 6: hat to show the ability and affection.

1654
01:17:27,200 --> 01:17:29,800
Speaker 5: Now, I will say, and this is also maybe this

1655
01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:33,320
Speaker 5: is different, but my dad definitely tell my brothers that.

1656
01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:36,200
Speaker 5: My dad tell my brothers that my dad made my

1657
01:17:36,320 --> 01:17:39,720
Speaker 5: brothers get me Valentine's Day gifts. I mean it was

1658
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:42,400
Speaker 5: just up until recently my brother stopped giving me Valentine's

1659
01:17:43,040 --> 01:17:45,400
Speaker 5: liked to our daughter. Now they give it to my

1660
01:17:45,520 --> 01:17:49,000
Speaker 5: daughter now, and my dad still gives me Valentine's Day

1661
01:17:49,040 --> 01:17:53,280
Speaker 5: gifts and they I always saw, you know, my parents

1662
01:17:53,320 --> 01:17:56,160
Speaker 5: aren't together anymore, but during the time, I always saw

1663
01:17:56,200 --> 01:17:59,120
Speaker 5: my dad do extravagant things for my mom. And he

1664
01:17:59,560 --> 01:18:03,800
Speaker 5: always taught my brothers to do big things, and whether

1665
01:18:03,840 --> 01:18:05,920
Speaker 5: it was flowers or gifts or whatever, but he always

1666
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:09,000
Speaker 5: made sure that I got, you know, gifts and stuff

1667
01:18:09,080 --> 01:18:10,320
Speaker 5: like that, so that'd.

1668
01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:10,759
Speaker 3: Have been interesting.

1669
01:18:10,880 --> 01:18:13,960
Speaker 4: Then that was another god win for you, the fact

1670
01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:16,519
Speaker 4: that your husband does that, because if he didn't, you'd

1671
01:18:16,520 --> 01:18:19,240
Speaker 4: be like, now my daddy would happen.

1672
01:18:19,560 --> 01:18:21,679
Speaker 5: But I also think, isn't it isn't there a level

1673
01:18:21,720 --> 01:18:24,519
Speaker 5: where we look for something that is familiar to us.

1674
01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:28,200
Speaker 5: And I'm thankful that I do have something, you know,

1675
01:18:28,400 --> 01:18:32,240
Speaker 5: not my you know, my family is not you know, perfect,

1676
01:18:33,439 --> 01:18:36,560
Speaker 5: But I'm really grateful that those things were taught of

1677
01:18:36,680 --> 01:18:39,240
Speaker 5: what a man should do. My dad was very much

1678
01:18:39,320 --> 01:18:41,400
Speaker 5: opening doors for me. My dad didn't you know, I

1679
01:18:41,600 --> 01:18:43,680
Speaker 5: was that girl. I was the only girl, so I

1680
01:18:43,840 --> 01:18:47,400
Speaker 5: was treated as such. And so that is what I

1681
01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:50,400
Speaker 5: looked for in a man, is someone who would take

1682
01:18:50,439 --> 01:18:53,439
Speaker 5: care of me, who would show love in unique ways.

1683
01:18:53,439 --> 01:18:55,519
Speaker 5: And it didn't have to be As I mentioned, these

1684
01:18:55,560 --> 01:18:58,160
Speaker 5: things weren't costly, you know, they didn't they didn't they

1685
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:00,320
Speaker 5: weren't even need to be like, you know, expensive gifts.

1686
01:19:00,360 --> 01:19:02,760
Speaker 5: They were just thoughtful gifts. And to this day, Brian

1687
01:19:02,880 --> 01:19:03,839
Speaker 5: is extremely thoughtful.

1688
01:19:04,160 --> 01:19:06,280
Speaker 1: One of the videos we made was I made a

1689
01:19:06,360 --> 01:19:10,120
Speaker 1: quick video of like telling men how to think about

1690
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:13,280
Speaker 1: their woman because it's not even like the flowers and

1691
01:19:13,360 --> 01:19:15,600
Speaker 1: chocolate alone. It's like, if she doesn't like flowers, then

1692
01:19:15,600 --> 01:19:16,240
Speaker 1: don't get her flowers.

1693
01:19:16,320 --> 01:19:16,400
Speaker 3: Right.

1694
01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:19,280
Speaker 1: Yeah know, you're a woman, know what she likes? So

1695
01:19:19,360 --> 01:19:21,680
Speaker 1: all you think of is like, what atmosphere do I

1696
01:19:21,720 --> 01:19:24,679
Speaker 1: want to set for her to be her best self?

1697
01:19:25,040 --> 01:19:25,920
Speaker 1: What are her interests?

1698
01:19:26,000 --> 01:19:28,639
Speaker 6: What does she like? And just start to tailor small

1699
01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:29,200
Speaker 6: things to that.

1700
01:19:29,400 --> 01:19:31,519
Speaker 1: It'll go so far, Like it doesn't need to be

1701
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 1: over complicated, but just show that you're paying attention, you're

1702
01:19:35,080 --> 01:19:36,800
Speaker 1: seeing her, you're thinking about her.

1703
01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:41,160
Speaker 3: It's that simple, that simple look. I asked you guys

1704
01:19:41,200 --> 01:19:42,800
Speaker 3: some questions. What you got in your mind?

1705
01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:47,240
Speaker 2: Well, I did want to know you talked about your

1706
01:19:47,280 --> 01:19:49,000
Speaker 2: siblings and how you grew up, but I didn't.

1707
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:50,439
Speaker 6: I don't know how you grew up. Are you an

1708
01:19:50,479 --> 01:19:51,000
Speaker 6: only child?

1709
01:19:51,280 --> 01:19:54,240
Speaker 1: I have two brothers, older and younger, a middle child,

1710
01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:57,240
Speaker 1: and I had the syndrome for a minute, both of us, both.

1711
01:19:57,120 --> 01:19:59,599
Speaker 5: Of us are middle children. Really yeah, but I didn't

1712
01:19:59,600 --> 01:20:01,800
Speaker 5: get them child syndrome. I actually like my parents didn't

1713
01:20:01,840 --> 01:20:08,720
Speaker 5: pay attention to me. I can get away with okay, Yeah, yeah,

1714
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:09,960
Speaker 5: I dated some wrong people.

1715
01:20:10,680 --> 01:20:14,320
Speaker 3: Middle child. Yeah, middle child as well, and she was

1716
01:20:14,320 --> 01:20:14,759
Speaker 3: the only.

1717
01:20:14,680 --> 01:20:15,800
Speaker 6: Child I was the only child.

1718
01:20:16,080 --> 01:20:26,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, only child complex, I got what I want? Only child.

1719
01:20:27,080 --> 01:20:29,320
Speaker 4: My question, y'all, as we begin to wrap up, is

1720
01:20:29,400 --> 01:20:32,240
Speaker 4: simply this, what is something that you believe that people

1721
01:20:33,200 --> 01:20:33,920
Speaker 4: really don't.

1722
01:20:33,800 --> 01:20:35,840
Speaker 3: Understand about y'all? That people.

1723
01:20:37,320 --> 01:20:42,640
Speaker 4: Find the most misunderstood thing about y'all. It could be

1724
01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:45,600
Speaker 4: either you personally, what you touched on some things, and

1725
01:20:45,880 --> 01:20:49,160
Speaker 4: based on y'all's relationships and things they misunderstand about y'all dynamic.

1726
01:20:49,479 --> 01:20:50,120
Speaker 3: But what is there?

1727
01:20:50,240 --> 01:20:52,519
Speaker 4: Is there anything you would like to just say on

1728
01:20:52,680 --> 01:20:56,479
Speaker 4: dear future WiFi podcasts clear up anything that give people

1729
01:20:56,840 --> 01:20:59,880
Speaker 4: a wrinkle in their brain to say, this is me,

1730
01:21:00,280 --> 01:21:00,760
Speaker 4: this is us.

1731
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:03,880
Speaker 6: I about to say, I got some.

1732
01:21:06,800 --> 01:21:09,600
Speaker 5: I would say, and I don't know if it's the

1733
01:21:09,600 --> 01:21:12,360
Speaker 5: same as you, it may be different, but I would

1734
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:14,360
Speaker 5: say the biggest thing is that when what we get

1735
01:21:14,479 --> 01:21:17,800
Speaker 5: on social media, when we talk about our relationship and

1736
01:21:17,840 --> 01:21:21,320
Speaker 5: our dynamic and the things that we have done, the

1737
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:23,400
Speaker 5: things that we work on, I think they immediately go like,

1738
01:21:23,479 --> 01:21:26,000
Speaker 5: I need to find a brother, I need to find this.

1739
01:21:26,720 --> 01:21:30,439
Speaker 5: This does not happen off of race. This does not

1740
01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:33,160
Speaker 5: happen just because of culture. This happens because of work

1741
01:21:33,800 --> 01:21:36,320
Speaker 5: and the work that we put in. We put in

1742
01:21:36,920 --> 01:21:39,120
Speaker 5: deep work to make sure that we are in a

1743
01:21:39,360 --> 01:21:44,200
Speaker 5: healthy relationship, not just a comfortable relationship, not just a

1744
01:21:44,479 --> 01:21:47,800
Speaker 5: you know, we just living together relationship, but a healthy, fun,

1745
01:21:48,320 --> 01:21:52,000
Speaker 5: loving relationship that it requires work, but it is beautiful

1746
01:21:52,000 --> 01:21:55,080
Speaker 5: because we do the deep work. We're not just existing here.

1747
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:58,080
Speaker 5: And I think that's one of the things that it

1748
01:21:58,160 --> 01:22:01,479
Speaker 5: can be misunderstood. We can show the reels of the

1749
01:22:01,560 --> 01:22:03,599
Speaker 5: things that we do, that we that we have struggle,

1750
01:22:03,720 --> 01:22:06,679
Speaker 5: we talk about a kind of argument. We've posted those things,

1751
01:22:07,040 --> 01:22:09,720
Speaker 5: and I love that people care about the transparency of

1752
01:22:09,800 --> 01:22:12,559
Speaker 5: it all. But I don't think they They don't always

1753
01:22:12,560 --> 01:22:15,519
Speaker 5: see those reels. They don't always see those moments. So

1754
01:22:16,240 --> 01:22:18,439
Speaker 5: if you could walk away with something, it would be

1755
01:22:18,840 --> 01:22:22,800
Speaker 5: to do the deep work to have the healthy and

1756
01:22:22,960 --> 01:22:26,040
Speaker 5: fun and loving conversations. It's beautiful to be married, and

1757
01:22:26,840 --> 01:22:30,280
Speaker 5: it requires more of you. So that's what I would say.

1758
01:22:30,439 --> 01:22:32,639
Speaker 4: You say, y'all posted arguments, or you're talking about earth

1759
01:22:32,680 --> 01:22:33,320
Speaker 4: the actual.

1760
01:22:33,080 --> 01:22:35,920
Speaker 5: He So we posted about what we you know, like,

1761
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:38,000
Speaker 5: we got into an argument yesterday and this is what

1762
01:22:38,120 --> 01:22:39,920
Speaker 5: we did, this is how we got it was my

1763
01:22:40,040 --> 01:22:42,040
Speaker 5: fault or you know, we talk about those things because

1764
01:22:42,080 --> 01:22:44,160
Speaker 5: we believe in having. We don't want you to just

1765
01:22:44,200 --> 01:22:46,519
Speaker 5: see our pages as a highlight reel. We wanted to

1766
01:22:46,600 --> 01:22:50,000
Speaker 5: be authentic, transparent, and that's what I feel a lot

1767
01:22:50,040 --> 01:22:52,160
Speaker 5: of our audience says that we're transparent. I want to

1768
01:22:52,240 --> 01:22:55,560
Speaker 5: keep that, but I want you to know that with that,

1769
01:22:55,800 --> 01:22:58,000
Speaker 5: it's not just oh it's beautiful.

1770
01:22:57,640 --> 01:22:57,800
Speaker 1: Is this?

1771
01:22:58,160 --> 01:22:59,840
Speaker 3: No, we do work? Yeah? Good.

1772
01:23:00,439 --> 01:23:04,880
Speaker 6: I think mine is a segmented version of that same thing.

1773
01:23:05,840 --> 01:23:08,120
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes people can see the things that

1774
01:23:08,160 --> 01:23:10,240
Speaker 1: I do for her or hear the stories like the proposal,

1775
01:23:10,680 --> 01:23:13,600
Speaker 1: and they think that this is I'm just like this

1776
01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:15,880
Speaker 1: twenty four to seven, and that oh it just me

1777
01:23:16,080 --> 01:23:18,800
Speaker 1: so so nice to be with this man. It just

1778
01:23:18,880 --> 01:23:21,080
Speaker 1: must be so easy to be with this man. I'm

1779
01:23:21,120 --> 01:23:23,799
Speaker 1: actually not easy to be with. And that's the reality.

1780
01:23:23,800 --> 01:23:26,040
Speaker 1: And I'm not going to downplay myself. I think I'm great,

1781
01:23:26,439 --> 01:23:29,120
Speaker 1: but I also know that there are things that I

1782
01:23:29,160 --> 01:23:33,560
Speaker 1: struggle with mentally to overcome and to understand myself and

1783
01:23:33,680 --> 01:23:35,880
Speaker 1: understand the world and how I present to the world,

1784
01:23:35,960 --> 01:23:39,040
Speaker 1: and just different things that I have that she has

1785
01:23:39,120 --> 01:23:41,160
Speaker 1: to deal with, you know, and that she has to

1786
01:23:41,280 --> 01:23:45,240
Speaker 1: work with me through. And I I think I just

1787
01:23:45,320 --> 01:23:48,680
Speaker 1: would want people to understand that to that point, like

1788
01:23:48,800 --> 01:23:51,240
Speaker 1: life is not a highlight reel. It's not that our

1789
01:23:51,280 --> 01:23:53,080
Speaker 1: marriage is something that we're not presenting, because it really is.

1790
01:23:53,200 --> 01:23:55,920
Speaker 1: We're actually really in love. We actually have so much

1791
01:23:56,320 --> 01:23:58,639
Speaker 1: fun and so many more good times than bad. Yeah,

1792
01:23:58,880 --> 01:24:02,960
Speaker 1: but there is is work on myself too that sometimes

1793
01:24:02,960 --> 01:24:04,400
Speaker 1: I just want to post videos like here's the five

1794
01:24:04,439 --> 01:24:07,599
Speaker 1: things I'm working on as a person, Like I struggle

1795
01:24:07,680 --> 01:24:10,599
Speaker 1: with jumping and creating patterns out of things that only

1796
01:24:10,640 --> 01:24:12,640
Speaker 1: happened one time and that can hurt her.

1797
01:24:12,960 --> 01:24:15,400
Speaker 6: I struggle with doing X, Y Z, and that can hurt.

1798
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:18,479
Speaker 1: Now we work through those things and I am growing

1799
01:24:18,520 --> 01:24:20,920
Speaker 1: in those but I want them to understand the process

1800
01:24:20,960 --> 01:24:24,720
Speaker 1: of growth and to not fantasize about where what they

1801
01:24:24,800 --> 01:24:27,479
Speaker 1: see us doing and where they see us at. Again,

1802
01:24:27,720 --> 01:24:30,880
Speaker 1: I love our relationship, like this is the greatest marriage

1803
01:24:30,960 --> 01:24:33,800
Speaker 1: that I know of. I will always say our love

1804
01:24:33,880 --> 01:24:36,439
Speaker 1: is the best love I know and and you can

1805
01:24:36,520 --> 01:24:37,000
Speaker 1: fight me on that.

1806
01:24:37,160 --> 01:24:37,880
Speaker 6: But I.

1807
01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:45,880
Speaker 3: But whole month.

1808
01:24:50,439 --> 01:24:53,639
Speaker 5: Don't mean people, don't mean people. So we learned a lot.

1809
01:24:55,000 --> 01:24:56,720
Speaker 5: I just feel like we need to just talk.

1810
01:24:57,680 --> 01:25:01,240
Speaker 6: The other day, I was like, what you learn on

1811
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:05,240
Speaker 6: your honeymoon, what you learn? What you learn, But that's

1812
01:25:05,280 --> 01:25:05,760
Speaker 6: a real thing.

1813
01:25:05,880 --> 01:25:08,040
Speaker 5: One of the things that we talk about is Brian

1814
01:25:08,120 --> 01:25:14,080
Speaker 5: being neurodivergent, so that's a whole different problems. So, like

1815
01:25:14,200 --> 01:25:16,280
Speaker 5: he talked about is that sometimes the way that he

1816
01:25:16,520 --> 01:25:19,360
Speaker 5: processes is too much to process in its head. So

1817
01:25:19,840 --> 01:25:23,040
Speaker 5: when he is thinking about something, it can cause a

1818
01:25:23,080 --> 01:25:26,960
Speaker 5: lot of anxiety and doesn't know how to process. So

1819
01:25:27,080 --> 01:25:30,559
Speaker 5: sometimes he's putting patterns and things that just happened once

1820
01:25:31,280 --> 01:25:33,680
Speaker 5: because he's thinking about the future.

1821
01:25:33,479 --> 01:25:36,080
Speaker 6: So quickly in fast versus learning.

1822
01:25:36,160 --> 01:25:38,200
Speaker 5: And we have a therapist that we talk to that

1823
01:25:38,880 --> 01:25:41,840
Speaker 5: teaches you how to slow down these thoughts and be

1824
01:25:41,960 --> 01:25:45,600
Speaker 5: able to slow down your thinking and have healthy conversations

1825
01:25:45,960 --> 01:25:49,840
Speaker 5: with someone who is neurodivergent, because it's not the fact

1826
01:25:49,880 --> 01:25:52,320
Speaker 5: that they don't have things in there is, but they

1827
01:25:52,360 --> 01:25:55,000
Speaker 5: have too much in their head and it causes them

1828
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:57,599
Speaker 5: to get anxious and not slow down.

1829
01:25:57,640 --> 01:25:59,479
Speaker 1: And when you're trying to process all of these things

1830
01:25:59,520 --> 01:26:02,640
Speaker 1: at the same time time and someone's asking for your

1831
01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:04,479
Speaker 1: attention over here, and someone's pulling you over here, and

1832
01:26:04,600 --> 01:26:06,840
Speaker 1: Lexi's like, hey, I need you. It's it's I can

1833
01:26:06,880 --> 01:26:08,479
Speaker 1: get a little snippy. I can get a little short

1834
01:26:08,520 --> 01:26:11,120
Speaker 1: because I'm I'm like trying to hold it all together.

1835
01:26:11,200 --> 01:26:13,160
Speaker 1: There's so much happening here that no one can see.

1836
01:26:13,520 --> 01:26:16,840
Speaker 1: So it's like, Okay, I'm trying to process. Uh, just

1837
01:26:16,920 --> 01:26:19,240
Speaker 1: time with the therapist. Yeah, I think we just really

1838
01:26:19,320 --> 01:26:21,080
Speaker 1: were uncovering, Like why do you think like that?

1839
01:26:21,280 --> 01:26:21,680
Speaker 3: What where?

1840
01:26:21,920 --> 01:26:24,439
Speaker 6: How do you how'd you put that together? And why

1841
01:26:24,479 --> 01:26:24,960
Speaker 6: did you think that?

1842
01:26:25,479 --> 01:26:27,600
Speaker 1: I'll give you a quick example. Uh, the day I

1843
01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:30,240
Speaker 1: took the Act in high school was the scariest day

1844
01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:33,679
Speaker 1: of my life because right before, like literally the night before,

1845
01:26:33,800 --> 01:26:35,720
Speaker 1: this is where my mind went. Today is the most

1846
01:26:35,760 --> 01:26:38,160
Speaker 1: important day of my entire life because today determines what

1847
01:26:38,280 --> 01:26:40,080
Speaker 1: college I get into, which determines what job I get,

1848
01:26:40,120 --> 01:26:42,400
Speaker 1: which determines what wife I get, which determines what I

1849
01:26:42,439 --> 01:26:43,840
Speaker 1: can do here, like how much money I make it.

1850
01:26:44,160 --> 01:26:46,400
Speaker 6: This sets me up for the rest of my life.

1851
01:26:46,439 --> 01:26:48,720
Speaker 1: If I don't score well here, the rest of my

1852
01:26:48,800 --> 01:26:51,320
Speaker 1: life could be ruined in this moment as of space.

1853
01:26:51,640 --> 01:26:54,800
Speaker 4: Since the when you lost your abstinence, you broke your

1854
01:26:54,800 --> 01:26:58,280
Speaker 4: absence journey, all the way in my life is ruined.

1855
01:26:58,600 --> 01:27:00,760
Speaker 6: Yes, yeah, I went down the floet world. I saw

1856
01:27:00,840 --> 01:27:03,759
Speaker 6: the end and it was like that's it. This leads nowhere.

1857
01:27:04,280 --> 01:27:04,479
Speaker 3: Wow.

1858
01:27:05,360 --> 01:27:07,759
Speaker 5: And for the longest when we were see a therapist,

1859
01:27:08,080 --> 01:27:10,519
Speaker 5: we were we we are very much believers. You give

1860
01:27:10,600 --> 01:27:12,519
Speaker 5: us tools, we're going to work on the tools, We're

1861
01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:12,800
Speaker 5: going to.

1862
01:27:12,840 --> 01:27:13,240
Speaker 6: Do the work.

1863
01:27:13,800 --> 01:27:17,680
Speaker 5: And there was a year when I'm like, we're doing

1864
01:27:17,760 --> 01:27:20,599
Speaker 5: the tools, but it's not you're not it's not working

1865
01:27:20,680 --> 01:27:22,280
Speaker 5: for you, Like this is not working.

1866
01:27:22,880 --> 01:27:24,000
Speaker 6: And it was a year.

1867
01:27:24,080 --> 01:27:25,840
Speaker 5: It was a very hard year for our marriage. And

1868
01:27:25,920 --> 01:27:28,360
Speaker 5: it was almost we were under a pressure cooker. And

1869
01:27:28,400 --> 01:27:31,120
Speaker 5: when a when you're under a pressure cooker, all that

1870
01:27:31,200 --> 01:27:35,120
Speaker 5: stuff comes out in full form. So it when it's

1871
01:27:35,240 --> 01:27:38,200
Speaker 5: like we're doing the work. I'm listening to you, like

1872
01:27:38,320 --> 01:27:40,599
Speaker 5: we're doing it, but it's not working, Like what's happening?

1873
01:27:40,640 --> 01:27:43,880
Speaker 5: And that's a scary thing to have tools and it's

1874
01:27:43,920 --> 01:27:45,600
Speaker 5: not working in your marriage. It's not That means that

1875
01:27:45,680 --> 01:27:47,519
Speaker 5: we're trying and it's not working.

1876
01:27:48,040 --> 01:27:49,599
Speaker 4: So what year?

1877
01:27:49,680 --> 01:27:51,760
Speaker 3: What's that? That was?

1878
01:27:51,840 --> 01:27:54,439
Speaker 6: Twenty twenty four was actually the hardest year of our marriage.

1879
01:27:54,479 --> 01:27:57,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, how many years at that point, it's twenty

1880
01:27:57,320 --> 01:27:59,519
Speaker 5: twenty yeah, eight eight eight eight.

1881
01:28:00,040 --> 01:28:01,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. What was crazy is twenty twenty five was the

1882
01:28:01,880 --> 01:28:05,519
Speaker 1: best year of our marriage because the pressure cooker that

1883
01:28:05,640 --> 01:28:09,200
Speaker 1: we were in situationally at the time, created an environment

1884
01:28:09,240 --> 01:28:10,920
Speaker 1: for all these things that come to the surface that

1885
01:28:11,240 --> 01:28:12,920
Speaker 1: even though we've been doing work for all these years,

1886
01:28:13,040 --> 01:28:15,800
Speaker 1: like there was layers to it. Once it came and

1887
01:28:15,880 --> 01:28:20,479
Speaker 1: we reidentified, we got different tools, we implemented the different tools,

1888
01:28:20,960 --> 01:28:23,599
Speaker 1: and with that, we're like, oh, we can handle these

1889
01:28:23,680 --> 01:28:26,120
Speaker 1: things now now that we just understand what's going on,

1890
01:28:26,600 --> 01:28:27,720
Speaker 1: we know how to handle and.

1891
01:28:27,800 --> 01:28:30,720
Speaker 6: Work with each other. So it created an amazing year

1892
01:28:30,760 --> 01:28:31,559
Speaker 6: for us. The next year.

1893
01:28:31,840 --> 01:28:34,080
Speaker 4: Let me ask us what made y'all go to social media?

1894
01:28:34,439 --> 01:28:37,799
Speaker 4: What made y'all tell y'all story and bring the world

1895
01:28:38,040 --> 01:28:39,120
Speaker 4: into y'all's.

1896
01:28:39,000 --> 01:28:41,280
Speaker 6: Jesus speaking to the Lord?

1897
01:28:42,000 --> 01:28:45,240
Speaker 5: Because I wasn't going to do it for years. I

1898
01:28:45,520 --> 01:28:48,640
Speaker 5: was telling I was I remember talking to somebody and

1899
01:28:48,680 --> 01:28:51,280
Speaker 5: we were actually young about ministers at the time, and

1900
01:28:52,120 --> 01:28:54,120
Speaker 5: I remember talking to somebody. I was like, well, I

1901
01:28:54,280 --> 01:28:56,320
Speaker 5: just want to bring people to our house and talk

1902
01:28:56,400 --> 01:28:59,599
Speaker 5: about just how we can all connect being.

1903
01:28:59,560 --> 01:29:00,320
Speaker 6: Young and married.

1904
01:29:00,360 --> 01:29:02,600
Speaker 5: At the time, we were newly married, and I just

1905
01:29:02,720 --> 01:29:04,799
Speaker 5: want to talk, like I'm not trying to give no advice,

1906
01:29:05,080 --> 01:29:07,800
Speaker 5: I'm just trying to talk. And she was like, well,

1907
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:09,240
Speaker 5: why don't you start a YouTube? I was like, Oh,

1908
01:29:09,320 --> 01:29:12,840
Speaker 5: everybody's starting the YouTube trendy. I don't want to be trendy.

1909
01:29:13,320 --> 01:29:16,080
Speaker 5: And she said, well, how many people are going to

1910
01:29:16,160 --> 01:29:18,880
Speaker 5: your young a Doll Ministry? And I said, you know,

1911
01:29:19,040 --> 01:29:21,080
Speaker 5: maybe like twenty. So she said, so if you have

1912
01:29:21,200 --> 01:29:24,400
Speaker 5: forty people and you're talking about Christ and you're talking

1913
01:29:24,400 --> 01:29:28,400
Speaker 5: about God, are how many how many people do you

1914
01:29:28,479 --> 01:29:29,679
Speaker 5: talk about God daily?

1915
01:29:30,800 --> 01:29:30,960
Speaker 4: Do you?

1916
01:29:31,080 --> 01:29:34,160
Speaker 5: Did you talk about God to anybody today? And Ebeth,

1917
01:29:34,960 --> 01:29:37,560
Speaker 5: I still, I still give her a recognition of that.

1918
01:29:37,760 --> 01:29:40,760
Speaker 5: And I said, you're right, I'm going to do it.

1919
01:29:41,080 --> 01:29:42,760
Speaker 6: And then I didn't. And I waited two years after that.

1920
01:29:45,920 --> 01:29:50,080
Speaker 5: The lawyer, you know, because God can, God will pass

1921
01:29:50,160 --> 01:29:52,000
Speaker 5: you up and have somebody else do the work.

1922
01:29:52,400 --> 01:29:55,160
Speaker 6: So I was like, you know what, I'm going to

1923
01:29:55,240 --> 01:29:55,439
Speaker 6: do it.

1924
01:29:55,640 --> 01:29:57,840
Speaker 5: And I remember our friend Marie at the time and

1925
01:29:57,920 --> 01:30:01,840
Speaker 5: my friend Jana, who was a very strong YouTuber. She

1926
01:30:02,840 --> 01:30:04,960
Speaker 5: came to my house. She said, what you doing because

1927
01:30:04,960 --> 01:30:07,479
Speaker 5: I've been talking about this she said yeah for two years.

1928
01:30:07,520 --> 01:30:09,040
Speaker 5: She was like, what you're doing? And I was like,

1929
01:30:09,080 --> 01:30:10,960
Speaker 5: I'm not doing anything. She's like, okay, I brought my camera.

1930
01:30:11,000 --> 01:30:15,760
Speaker 5: I'm coming over. And she's a very strong but very

1931
01:30:15,880 --> 01:30:19,160
Speaker 5: hard teacher. She came set up the camera and she

1932
01:30:19,240 --> 01:30:22,080
Speaker 5: said I'm only going to do this once. You're going

1933
01:30:22,160 --> 01:30:23,840
Speaker 5: to record me, and the next time you're going to

1934
01:30:23,880 --> 01:30:25,160
Speaker 5: do it on your own, because if you're trying to

1935
01:30:25,200 --> 01:30:27,439
Speaker 5: really be a YouTuber, I can't be here every time.

1936
01:30:27,720 --> 01:30:31,439
Speaker 6: So you're going to first first two videos that day

1937
01:30:32,439 --> 01:30:33,519
Speaker 6: and then after that.

1938
01:30:34,280 --> 01:30:36,439
Speaker 5: She was like, Okay, well next week, do the same

1939
01:30:36,520 --> 01:30:41,519
Speaker 5: thing without me, And she was very strong us in

1940
01:30:41,520 --> 01:30:43,240
Speaker 5: the deep end, But I but I would not be

1941
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:45,120
Speaker 5: here today if it wasn't for Janay.

1942
01:30:45,560 --> 01:30:50,640
Speaker 3: She but then you get over the hump of actually uploading.

1943
01:30:50,600 --> 01:30:51,200
Speaker 6: Well, she was.

1944
01:30:54,000 --> 01:30:55,760
Speaker 3: No, No, it's a mean.

1945
01:30:56,400 --> 01:30:59,560
Speaker 5: I didn't see this as it getting this big. I

1946
01:30:59,600 --> 01:31:01,800
Speaker 5: didn't think think you would get this big. I didn't

1947
01:31:01,840 --> 01:31:03,920
Speaker 5: know anything about making money on social media.

1948
01:31:04,040 --> 01:31:06,720
Speaker 6: I didn't know any of that. So for me, I'm like, well,

1949
01:31:06,760 --> 01:31:09,000
Speaker 6: I'm I'm just going to be talking to my forty people.

1950
01:31:09,439 --> 01:31:11,519
Speaker 5: I actually woke up middle night breathing heavy when I

1951
01:31:11,560 --> 01:31:16,479
Speaker 5: got five hundred people. But to me, I genuinely it's

1952
01:31:16,640 --> 01:31:21,200
Speaker 5: humbling because I don't see our community as followers. These

1953
01:31:21,240 --> 01:31:24,439
Speaker 5: people have been with us and yeah, these are my friends,

1954
01:31:24,479 --> 01:31:27,160
Speaker 5: these are my This has been our community for since

1955
01:31:27,160 --> 01:31:30,880
Speaker 5: two thousand nineteen. It's been our community doing it for

1956
01:31:30,960 --> 01:31:32,720
Speaker 5: a minute. Yeah, we've been doing it, and so for

1957
01:31:32,880 --> 01:31:34,560
Speaker 5: us to be this is us full time, this is

1958
01:31:34,600 --> 01:31:37,160
Speaker 5: what we do and it's such a blessing. But I

1959
01:31:38,160 --> 01:31:40,600
Speaker 5: think that's what humbles me is that it makes me

1960
01:31:40,680 --> 01:31:44,160
Speaker 5: not feel so nervous about it is I've been I

1961
01:31:44,240 --> 01:31:45,000
Speaker 5: thought it was forty.

1962
01:31:45,439 --> 01:31:46,599
Speaker 6: I thought it was always forty.

1963
01:31:46,640 --> 01:31:47,160
Speaker 2: So I see it.

1964
01:31:47,240 --> 01:31:54,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, YouTube on YouTube, YouTube is three hundred. On TikTok

1965
01:31:55,080 --> 01:31:58,080
Speaker 5: is for eighty, on Facebook is five fifteen.

1966
01:31:58,800 --> 01:32:04,320
Speaker 6: And then surprisingly, our our main is Instagram.

1967
01:32:05,200 --> 01:32:06,680
Speaker 3: You got five hundred in one year.

1968
01:32:07,040 --> 01:32:12,360
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know, but you know that is our friend.

1969
01:32:12,640 --> 01:32:16,240
Speaker 6: But because they're great, they make great content, Thank you,

1970
01:32:16,520 --> 01:32:16,760
Speaker 6: Thank you.

1971
01:32:17,160 --> 01:32:20,439
Speaker 4: Certain platforms that take off faster, and we still don't

1972
01:32:20,479 --> 01:32:23,519
Speaker 4: understand the algorithms of what makes something just take off.

1973
01:32:23,600 --> 01:32:26,040
Speaker 3: And and then TikTok y'all got what is it for.

1974
01:32:26,160 --> 01:32:29,360
Speaker 6: Eighty and then Instagram Instagram four sixteen?

1975
01:32:29,479 --> 01:32:31,559
Speaker 1: So yeah, when I tell you, it'll be the video

1976
01:32:31,600 --> 01:32:33,439
Speaker 1: that you spend the least amount of time, I'm telling

1977
01:32:33,439 --> 01:32:34,479
Speaker 1: you like, oh that's what did it?

1978
01:32:34,600 --> 01:32:37,240
Speaker 6: Okay? Cool, that's great.

1979
01:32:39,200 --> 01:32:41,959
Speaker 3: So how do y'all feel? How do y'all feel knowing.

1980
01:32:41,800 --> 01:32:47,479
Speaker 6: That before does your mom have a TikTok or love

1981
01:32:47,600 --> 01:32:49,960
Speaker 6: your preach off the wall.

1982
01:32:50,479 --> 01:32:51,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I brought up your sibling. I was like,

1983
01:32:52,000 --> 01:32:56,200
Speaker 2: how many kids does she? Because she is powerful? Post

1984
01:32:56,280 --> 01:32:56,840
Speaker 2: more of her.

1985
01:32:59,360 --> 01:32:59,640
Speaker 4: We have.

1986
01:32:59,800 --> 01:33:03,200
Speaker 5: We we've been having conversations. I'm I'm technically her social

1987
01:33:03,280 --> 01:33:05,600
Speaker 5: media managers, so I need to work on it and

1988
01:33:05,720 --> 01:33:07,960
Speaker 5: be more and be more proactive because we were pushing

1989
01:33:08,000 --> 01:33:11,000
Speaker 5: and it was I mean, she was moving faster than us.

1990
01:33:11,080 --> 01:33:13,719
Speaker 5: I said, to be fair, I'm like the followers. People

1991
01:33:13,760 --> 01:33:19,000
Speaker 5: were following her fast, and she got on Facebook videos.

1992
01:33:19,240 --> 01:33:22,240
Speaker 5: Off the two videos, Facebook and Instagram, we're growing fast.

1993
01:33:22,280 --> 01:33:25,040
Speaker 1: I think she got thirteen thousand followers off too videos

1994
01:33:25,320 --> 01:33:26,160
Speaker 1: and on Facebook.

1995
01:33:26,640 --> 01:33:29,200
Speaker 6: On Facebook. The problem is not to.

1996
01:33:29,200 --> 01:33:32,519
Speaker 1: Get too personal, but my dad had cancer. He has cancer,

1997
01:33:32,640 --> 01:33:35,760
Speaker 1: so when that happened, that took her kind of off

1998
01:33:35,840 --> 01:33:38,040
Speaker 1: the grid. So she's been pretty heavily invested in that.

1999
01:33:38,160 --> 01:33:38,920
Speaker 3: Right now, let's.

2000
01:33:39,000 --> 01:33:41,840
Speaker 4: Keeping prayer, thank you, thank you, or anything else asked

2001
01:33:41,920 --> 01:33:43,760
Speaker 4: before I tell them to pull out the All right,

2002
01:33:43,880 --> 01:33:47,560
Speaker 4: grab the box, grab the Uh there's going to be

2003
01:33:47,800 --> 01:33:48,840
Speaker 4: two piece of paper there.

2004
01:33:49,080 --> 01:33:51,320
Speaker 3: Y'all can move it to grab it and on it.

2005
01:33:51,600 --> 01:33:53,519
Speaker 4: Just grab the whole box, and y'all can write on

2006
01:33:53,680 --> 01:33:57,840
Speaker 4: the box, take a marker there, you're right, a key to.

2007
01:33:57,960 --> 01:34:00,519
Speaker 3: Love, You're right now, something that that you want to

2008
01:34:00,640 --> 01:34:05,639
Speaker 3: leave with our audience. You'll write it down and then

2009
01:34:05,720 --> 01:34:07,559
Speaker 3: you'll hang it up. You'll read it before you hang

2010
01:34:07,640 --> 01:34:07,880
Speaker 3: it up.

2011
01:34:08,160 --> 01:34:10,840
Speaker 4: But take a moment and write down whatever, or write

2012
01:34:10,920 --> 01:34:13,960
Speaker 4: down a word key to love, a statement, a sentence.

2013
01:34:14,080 --> 01:34:16,040
Speaker 4: It could be a word whatever you want to leave.

2014
01:34:16,920 --> 01:34:19,559
Speaker 4: It can be a sentence, it can be a model

2015
01:34:19,680 --> 01:34:22,200
Speaker 4: that you live by. It can be a powerful word.

2016
01:34:22,360 --> 01:34:24,360
Speaker 4: But sign your name on it and we'll have you

2017
01:34:25,240 --> 01:34:26,040
Speaker 4: read it shortly.

2018
01:34:26,320 --> 01:34:28,120
Speaker 6: So what'd you think about today's.

2019
01:34:29,360 --> 01:34:29,840
Speaker 3: But that's.

2020
01:34:31,360 --> 01:34:35,040
Speaker 6: Becoming an interviewer now, So what'd you think about today's episode?

2021
01:34:35,479 --> 01:34:36,560
Speaker 3: Well, I really enjoyed it.

2022
01:34:36,760 --> 01:34:37,080
Speaker 6: I was.

2023
01:34:37,960 --> 01:34:40,360
Speaker 3: I love when I'm able to learn something I didn't

2024
01:34:40,600 --> 01:34:45,440
Speaker 3: with my own assumption. I didn't think that that Alexis

2025
01:34:45,479 --> 01:34:48,360
Speaker 3: got a lot of negativity from even black women. I

2026
01:34:48,520 --> 01:34:48,920
Speaker 3: just didn't.

2027
01:34:49,160 --> 01:34:51,080
Speaker 4: I didn't because I'm on my side of the world

2028
01:34:51,080 --> 01:34:53,760
Speaker 4: where I see when I had an episode, everybody was,

2029
01:34:54,040 --> 01:34:56,760
Speaker 4: you know, loving, And I see what pops up in my.

2030
01:34:56,880 --> 01:34:59,920
Speaker 3: News feed is people like celebrated.

2031
01:35:00,160 --> 01:35:03,120
Speaker 4: I see a lot of black women influencers of people

2032
01:35:03,160 --> 01:35:05,640
Speaker 4: that's been married to or married to white men, that

2033
01:35:05,760 --> 01:35:08,639
Speaker 4: they're trying to encourage other black women to do the same,

2034
01:35:09,920 --> 01:35:12,479
Speaker 4: which bothers me, And it bothers me to the degree

2035
01:35:12,640 --> 01:35:17,360
Speaker 4: of the fact that I hate that black men haven't

2036
01:35:17,400 --> 01:35:19,880
Speaker 4: been showing up the way that they need to show up,

2037
01:35:20,320 --> 01:35:23,240
Speaker 4: where it's been forced to say, if you want to

2038
01:35:23,280 --> 01:35:25,479
Speaker 4: get treated better, go to a white man.

2039
01:35:25,840 --> 01:35:27,040
Speaker 3: I don't like that narrative.

2040
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:29,960
Speaker 4: I'm the type of person love who you love, be

2041
01:35:30,200 --> 01:35:32,400
Speaker 4: who you're gonna be with, But I don't like it

2042
01:35:32,640 --> 01:35:35,880
Speaker 4: because of the mistreatment that a lot of black men

2043
01:35:36,000 --> 01:35:36,519
Speaker 4: have been doing.

2044
01:35:36,840 --> 01:35:37,479
Speaker 3: I don't like that.

2045
01:35:39,200 --> 01:35:41,480
Speaker 4: But I love the fact that they were very transparent

2046
01:35:41,520 --> 01:35:44,120
Speaker 4: and open and honest and opened up and taught me

2047
01:35:44,160 --> 01:35:44,920
Speaker 4: a whole lot of stuff.

2048
01:35:45,840 --> 01:35:46,280
Speaker 3: What about you.

2049
01:35:46,760 --> 01:35:49,040
Speaker 6: I just know that this episode is going to bless

2050
01:35:49,160 --> 01:35:49,840
Speaker 6: a lot of people.

2051
01:35:50,640 --> 01:35:52,040
Speaker 3: We're trying to talk all sexy right now.

2052
01:35:55,080 --> 01:35:57,360
Speaker 6: She just got a sexy voice. That's a radio voice.

2053
01:35:58,520 --> 01:35:59,200
Speaker 6: It's perfect.

2054
01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:03,040
Speaker 2: I'm just so excited that I found them on social

2055
01:36:03,160 --> 01:36:06,400
Speaker 2: media and that they responded, and I'm just I just

2056
01:36:06,479 --> 01:36:06,960
Speaker 2: can't wait.

2057
01:36:06,920 --> 01:36:11,040
Speaker 6: To hear the testimonies, and y'all leave Alexis alone in

2058
01:36:11,120 --> 01:36:13,160
Speaker 6: the comments period.

2059
01:36:13,520 --> 01:36:15,920
Speaker 4: Dear future wife, on Dear Future Wife, You're gonna get

2060
01:36:15,920 --> 01:36:17,840
Speaker 4: a lot of nothing. They're gonna they're gonna celebrate you

2061
01:36:17,920 --> 01:36:20,240
Speaker 4: like crazy on this platform. It's to help this platform

2062
01:36:20,360 --> 01:36:23,400
Speaker 4: with relationships. They're gonna love to mess out it absolutely.

2063
01:36:23,439 --> 01:36:24,200
Speaker 6: The way around.

2064
01:36:25,560 --> 01:36:26,920
Speaker 3: It was a black man with a white woman.

2065
01:36:29,400 --> 01:36:29,640
Speaker 1: I know.

2066
01:36:29,800 --> 01:36:33,360
Speaker 6: The li fam is always loving, always gonna show love.

2067
01:36:33,600 --> 01:36:36,679
Speaker 4: They just it's because what happens when it's a black

2068
01:36:36,800 --> 01:36:39,920
Speaker 4: man that chose a white woman, then every black woman

2069
01:36:40,000 --> 01:36:44,640
Speaker 4: that watches my podcast feels overlooked, you know. And and

2070
01:36:44,760 --> 01:36:46,760
Speaker 4: I was like, and I always tell them, this is

2071
01:36:46,800 --> 01:36:49,320
Speaker 4: what I try to tell people. You weren't gonna have

2072
01:36:49,320 --> 01:36:52,200
Speaker 4: them anyway. The reality is sometimes you get so mad

2073
01:36:52,280 --> 01:36:55,679
Speaker 4: and upset about somebody that didn't choose you, but be okay,

2074
01:36:55,760 --> 01:36:58,000
Speaker 4: there were never going to choose you. And that's not

2075
01:36:58,240 --> 01:37:01,519
Speaker 4: just based on somebody's races. On anybody in your life

2076
01:37:01,560 --> 01:37:04,000
Speaker 4: that doesn't see you and acknowledge you for who you.

2077
01:37:04,080 --> 01:37:05,280
Speaker 3: Are, that's not your person.

2078
01:37:05,560 --> 01:37:08,320
Speaker 4: So often we get so hung up on who didn't

2079
01:37:08,400 --> 01:37:10,800
Speaker 4: chose us instead of opening our mind and our hearts

2080
01:37:10,840 --> 01:37:12,200
Speaker 4: to the person that really wants us.

2081
01:37:12,640 --> 01:37:12,920
Speaker 1: And so.

2082
01:37:14,479 --> 01:37:17,120
Speaker 4: I've never got triggered. I never look at a black

2083
01:37:17,160 --> 01:37:18,760
Speaker 4: woman with a white man and be like.

2084
01:37:18,840 --> 01:37:19,720
Speaker 3: Oh, so you with them.

2085
01:37:19,760 --> 01:37:21,640
Speaker 4: I'd be like, all right, cool, Like it's like I

2086
01:37:21,760 --> 01:37:23,800
Speaker 4: always know that my person is out there, so I'm

2087
01:37:23,840 --> 01:37:26,360
Speaker 4: not gonna get mad because you chose somebody, Like how

2088
01:37:26,400 --> 01:37:29,920
Speaker 4: do I internalize somebody me? My only person is you.

2089
01:37:31,760 --> 01:37:34,799
Speaker 4: Let's get that understood. So and so that's the reality

2090
01:37:34,880 --> 01:37:36,880
Speaker 4: of it. I will share this before I ask you

2091
01:37:36,880 --> 01:37:39,400
Speaker 4: all all questions. One time I said on my podcast

2092
01:37:39,439 --> 01:37:42,160
Speaker 4: what was on IG Live? I said that I can't

2093
01:37:42,160 --> 01:37:44,599
Speaker 4: wait to marry my black queen or whatever. And then

2094
01:37:44,640 --> 01:37:48,760
Speaker 4: somebody asked her always on a live and my friend

2095
01:37:48,840 --> 01:37:51,080
Speaker 4: Elsa asked me, so you tell me you and Mary

2096
01:37:51,439 --> 01:37:53,680
Speaker 4: a white woman. I said no, I said, because I

2097
01:37:53,800 --> 01:37:56,400
Speaker 4: knew that my heart was for a black woman.

2098
01:37:57,360 --> 01:37:58,880
Speaker 3: And that was my thing.

2099
01:37:59,000 --> 01:38:01,800
Speaker 4: But in that same conversation, I say, but against whoever

2100
01:38:01,840 --> 01:38:03,479
Speaker 4: may or whoever they want to marry you mayor whatever

2101
01:38:03,560 --> 01:38:05,000
Speaker 4: you want to I just said that my person is

2102
01:38:05,000 --> 01:38:07,680
Speaker 4: gonna be a black woman. And so and then there

2103
01:38:07,720 --> 01:38:09,320
Speaker 4: was some white women that DM me, I ain't gonna

2104
01:38:09,320 --> 01:38:11,280
Speaker 4: follow you no more because you're saying that you you

2105
01:38:11,479 --> 01:38:13,439
Speaker 4: only marry a white a black woman.

2106
01:38:13,439 --> 01:38:17,320
Speaker 5: And I was like, how does what my preference, right, Bill,

2107
01:38:17,479 --> 01:38:19,560
Speaker 5: and you want to be with somebody that you I

2108
01:38:19,680 --> 01:38:21,880
Speaker 5: think that is okay that you want to be with

2109
01:38:22,080 --> 01:38:24,080
Speaker 5: someone that you are.

2110
01:38:24,520 --> 01:38:26,479
Speaker 6: You know, it looks like your mom likely it's it's

2111
01:38:26,560 --> 01:38:30,559
Speaker 6: just people. The other side is weird. The other side

2112
01:38:30,680 --> 01:38:32,800
Speaker 6: is weird. I don't want to be with someone who

2113
01:38:32,960 --> 01:38:37,719
Speaker 6: looks at me doesn't look that coming from a weird place.

2114
01:38:37,920 --> 01:38:39,599
Speaker 1: But if you say I want to be with someone

2115
01:38:39,640 --> 01:38:45,080
Speaker 1: who has the same experiencing history, understanding, samely dynamic, that

2116
01:38:45,200 --> 01:38:45,599
Speaker 1: makes sense.

2117
01:38:45,600 --> 01:38:49,240
Speaker 4: Because I said, people get mad at people's preferences and

2118
01:38:49,280 --> 01:38:51,639
Speaker 4: it's like that's my that's my choice or whatever.

2119
01:38:52,640 --> 01:38:54,880
Speaker 3: But let me have y'all read the what y'all have

2120
01:38:55,760 --> 01:38:56,599
Speaker 3: to love, Okay.

2121
01:38:57,200 --> 01:38:59,280
Speaker 5: I put one willingness to change. That's something that we

2122
01:38:59,400 --> 01:39:02,840
Speaker 5: have said in our vows since we've been married. It's

2123
01:39:02,920 --> 01:39:05,080
Speaker 5: kind of like it has been like a foundation for

2124
01:39:05,240 --> 01:39:08,280
Speaker 5: us because we believe that if you're willing to change

2125
01:39:08,320 --> 01:39:10,920
Speaker 5: your mindset and say like hey, I was wrong about that,

2126
01:39:11,760 --> 01:39:16,960
Speaker 5: that that gives growth, That gives us just being on

2127
01:39:17,040 --> 01:39:21,960
Speaker 5: a higher level of maturity and build continuously building foundation.

2128
01:39:22,600 --> 01:39:24,080
Speaker 6: And then I also put accountability.

2129
01:39:24,160 --> 01:39:26,439
Speaker 5: I feel like it is very hard and I don't

2130
01:39:26,439 --> 01:39:27,960
Speaker 5: want to say for just women, I feel like men

2131
01:39:28,080 --> 01:39:32,000
Speaker 5: and women period to find accountability in their relationship where

2132
01:39:32,000 --> 01:39:35,639
Speaker 5: they can just talk about the hard things to someone else,

2133
01:39:36,200 --> 01:39:38,719
Speaker 5: like it is okay, I love my husband. My husband's

2134
01:39:38,720 --> 01:39:41,920
Speaker 5: my best friend, and I would also annoy her, yes,

2135
01:39:42,040 --> 01:39:43,760
Speaker 5: And I would like to be able to find a

2136
01:39:43,960 --> 01:39:47,559
Speaker 5: safe person to talk about like, hey, this is what's

2137
01:39:47,600 --> 01:39:47,840
Speaker 5: going on.

2138
01:39:47,960 --> 01:39:48,680
Speaker 6: Can you pray for me?

2139
01:39:49,160 --> 01:39:49,800
Speaker 3: Can you be with me?

2140
01:39:49,880 --> 01:39:52,080
Speaker 5: And that doesn't always have to be a therapist to me.

2141
01:39:52,240 --> 01:39:55,000
Speaker 5: I feel like it's just an accountability partner, like, hey,

2142
01:39:55,160 --> 01:39:57,759
Speaker 5: keep me in line on these things. So I believe

2143
01:39:57,840 --> 01:40:00,800
Speaker 5: that every relationship should have accountability.

2144
01:40:01,160 --> 01:40:05,360
Speaker 1: Good good Mine is intentionality is key. I think when

2145
01:40:05,360 --> 01:40:18,360
Speaker 1: you look like my proposals key, it's a tagline. So

2146
01:40:18,960 --> 01:40:20,920
Speaker 1: I think when you look at like my proposal as

2147
01:40:20,920 --> 01:40:24,439
Speaker 1: an example, when you are intentional with someone, you're showing

2148
01:40:24,479 --> 01:40:26,720
Speaker 1: them the value that they mean to you, but you're

2149
01:40:26,800 --> 01:40:29,519
Speaker 1: putting in the effort in the work that we believe

2150
01:40:29,520 --> 01:40:31,840
Speaker 1: are the ingredients to a healthy marriage. So I think

2151
01:40:32,479 --> 01:40:36,360
Speaker 1: intentionality is the backbone of a successful relationship. When you

2152
01:40:36,479 --> 01:40:39,360
Speaker 1: look at so many people who have divorced, who just

2153
01:40:39,720 --> 01:40:42,400
Speaker 1: fell out of love, right when did they stop doing

2154
01:40:42,439 --> 01:40:45,360
Speaker 1: the little things for each other. It wasn't always because

2155
01:40:45,439 --> 01:40:47,559
Speaker 1: she he or she cheated. It was because he usually

2156
01:40:47,600 --> 01:40:49,120
Speaker 1: got our coffee in the morning, and then one day

2157
01:40:49,120 --> 01:40:51,280
Speaker 1: he stopped getting her coffee. If you watch This is Us,

2158
01:40:51,360 --> 01:40:52,679
Speaker 1: that was an example that was given.

2159
01:40:52,760 --> 01:40:52,880
Speaker 3: Right.

2160
01:40:53,439 --> 01:40:56,280
Speaker 1: Uh, it's like it's one day you just stop doing

2161
01:40:56,280 --> 01:40:58,519
Speaker 1: the little things. One day you just stop paying close attention.

2162
01:40:58,840 --> 01:41:01,160
Speaker 1: And everybody, I have to believe I heard it so

2163
01:41:01,240 --> 01:41:04,599
Speaker 1: many times. So many people say, well, if it came

2164
01:41:04,720 --> 01:41:06,599
Speaker 1: down to it, I'd stop being a workaholic and I'd

2165
01:41:06,640 --> 01:41:08,360
Speaker 1: focus on my marriage. Well, if it came down to it,

2166
01:41:08,360 --> 01:41:09,960
Speaker 1: I wouldn't golf as much. I would make sure I'd

2167
01:41:10,000 --> 01:41:11,160
Speaker 1: do this. Well, if it came down to it, I'd

2168
01:41:11,200 --> 01:41:12,120
Speaker 1: stop my shopping havocus.

2169
01:41:12,120 --> 01:41:12,760
Speaker 6: I know he doesn't like that.

2170
01:41:14,080 --> 01:41:17,160
Speaker 1: But most people don't realize the moment that it's now,

2171
01:41:17,680 --> 01:41:20,080
Speaker 1: this is the moment to stop. They go past that

2172
01:41:20,200 --> 01:41:22,920
Speaker 1: moment where now it's too late and they're like, oh, no,

2173
01:41:23,240 --> 01:41:25,559
Speaker 1: I need to Now they're scrambling trying to repair what's

2174
01:41:25,560 --> 01:41:29,200
Speaker 1: already broken. It's like, no, if you're paying attention, if

2175
01:41:29,240 --> 01:41:32,320
Speaker 1: you're intentional, you'll notice this might be a moment I

2176
01:41:32,400 --> 01:41:35,320
Speaker 1: need to step back. We actually one moment we said,

2177
01:41:35,360 --> 01:41:37,840
Speaker 1: do we need to pause social media? Like our marriage

2178
01:41:37,840 --> 01:41:39,640
Speaker 1: is before all this. We need if I need to

2179
01:41:39,680 --> 01:41:42,000
Speaker 1: go get a job to pay bills, but we need

2180
01:41:42,080 --> 01:41:43,040
Speaker 1: to focus on our marriage.

2181
01:41:43,240 --> 01:41:43,920
Speaker 6: That trumps it.

2182
01:41:44,320 --> 01:41:46,960
Speaker 1: But you need to have awareness that that's even a

2183
01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:49,360
Speaker 1: conversation that needs to be had right now. Now they

2184
01:41:49,400 --> 01:41:51,680
Speaker 1: got we didn't get to that point, but you got

2185
01:41:51,760 --> 01:41:52,360
Speaker 1: to be intentional.

2186
01:41:52,680 --> 01:41:54,400
Speaker 3: I'm good, that's really good.

2187
01:41:55,120 --> 01:41:57,240
Speaker 2: Oh we we didn't ask do you guys have anything

2188
01:41:57,360 --> 01:42:00,960
Speaker 2: coming up or anything that people should be looking out for?

2189
01:42:01,640 --> 01:42:05,360
Speaker 6: It sounds like we should, Okay. I was like, man,

2190
01:42:06,520 --> 01:42:09,000
Speaker 6: I'll be honest. In my mind, I was like, do

2191
01:42:09,040 --> 01:42:13,320
Speaker 6: you want to do any projects? I don't know where I.

2192
01:42:13,400 --> 01:42:15,640
Speaker 5: Was going to say, that's it because we do a

2193
01:42:15,720 --> 01:42:18,639
Speaker 5: lot to support us on social media is our biggest thing.

2194
01:42:18,960 --> 01:42:23,560
Speaker 5: That's what we appreciate. We are we honestly, this is

2195
01:42:23,640 --> 01:42:27,720
Speaker 5: something that is very underrear, but we are. We are

2196
01:42:27,800 --> 01:42:30,080
Speaker 5: building a manuscript to talk about some of the time,

2197
01:42:30,280 --> 01:42:33,400
Speaker 5: the conversations when it comes to inter ethnic relationships, and

2198
01:42:33,479 --> 01:42:37,320
Speaker 5: we've been building a lot on hearing from other people.

2199
01:42:37,400 --> 01:42:39,680
Speaker 5: So if you are in an inter ethnic relationship, I

2200
01:42:39,720 --> 01:42:41,479
Speaker 5: would love to hear your story what do you think

2201
01:42:41,479 --> 01:42:46,080
Speaker 5: about this conversation and share it with us, because the

2202
01:42:46,240 --> 01:42:48,280
Speaker 5: truth is is that a lot of people don't believe

2203
01:42:48,320 --> 01:42:50,840
Speaker 5: that this conversation needs to happen. And so we are

2204
01:42:50,960 --> 01:42:55,559
Speaker 5: working with a a book agent to talk about these

2205
01:42:55,640 --> 01:42:58,720
Speaker 5: topics and actually have this conversation. But to do that,

2206
01:42:58,920 --> 01:43:01,360
Speaker 5: we need people to really share these stories and be

2207
01:43:01,479 --> 01:43:04,479
Speaker 5: authentic about them. So that's the biggest thing.

2208
01:43:04,760 --> 01:43:07,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we and we love having these conversations. So

2209
01:43:07,680 --> 01:43:11,880
Speaker 1: we do speak engagements at churches or events. So if

2210
01:43:11,960 --> 01:43:13,920
Speaker 1: someone's out there and you want us to come, We

2211
01:43:14,120 --> 01:43:16,840
Speaker 1: love to engage in these types of topics and conversations

2212
01:43:16,920 --> 01:43:17,840
Speaker 1: and just you know, spread that.

2213
01:43:18,080 --> 01:43:18,920
Speaker 6: Yes, that's good.

2214
01:43:19,080 --> 01:43:22,200
Speaker 3: I love all that. How can people find you? So?

2215
01:43:22,400 --> 01:43:25,120
Speaker 5: You can find us on Instagram. You can find us

2216
01:43:25,160 --> 01:43:28,800
Speaker 5: on Instagram at Underscore, the Cold Life, Underscore YouTube, the

2217
01:43:28,880 --> 01:43:33,320
Speaker 5: Cold Life Facebook, the Cold Life TikTok, the Cold Life.

2218
01:43:33,720 --> 01:43:35,880
Speaker 6: And our email is Hello at the Cool brand dot com.

2219
01:43:35,960 --> 01:43:38,320
Speaker 5: Yes, if you're looking for speaking engagements and for us

2220
01:43:38,439 --> 01:43:40,920
Speaker 5: to talk about some of these topics, definitely, Hello at

2221
01:43:40,920 --> 01:43:41,760
Speaker 5: the Cool brand dot com.

2222
01:43:42,360 --> 01:43:43,960
Speaker 4: All right, so go ahead and take a moment and

2223
01:43:44,680 --> 01:43:47,360
Speaker 4: hang those up on the first available wrongs at the top.

2224
01:43:47,560 --> 01:43:54,720
Speaker 6: Okay, beautiful, beautiful. It's because I like you close to me.

2225
01:43:55,040 --> 01:44:00,400
Speaker 3: Oh that's why. Yeah, alright, well I really enjoyed the episode,

2226
01:44:00,439 --> 01:44:00,680
Speaker 3: didn't you.

2227
01:44:00,880 --> 01:44:01,200
Speaker 4: I did.

2228
01:44:01,640 --> 01:44:04,360
Speaker 6: I'm glad we approve.

2229
01:44:04,520 --> 01:44:09,200
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yall, y'all, y'all, your first guest gets to raise.

2230
01:44:09,280 --> 01:44:10,200
Speaker 3: She gets to raise out the.

2231
01:44:10,240 --> 01:44:13,679
Speaker 6: Day I didn't get fired. I'm still in my probation period.

2232
01:44:18,360 --> 01:44:25,080
Speaker 6: Yea performance coming up. You're I got the white people great?

2233
01:44:25,840 --> 01:44:27,680
Speaker 6: Thank you so much again. I appreciate it.

2234
01:44:27,840 --> 01:44:30,800
Speaker 4: Thank you' all for coming. May the love you share

2235
01:44:30,840 --> 01:44:32,640
Speaker 4: today outlived the season you're in.

2236
01:44:33,120 --> 01:44:35,240
Speaker 6: May it carry you through the days when words are

2237
01:44:35,320 --> 01:44:36,800
Speaker 6: few and faith has.

2238
01:44:36,720 --> 01:44:38,920
Speaker 3: To do the talking. Y'all give it up for the cold, y'all.

2239
01:44:39,760 --> 01:44:40,479
Speaker 6: Thank you, guys.

2240
01:44:41,800 --> 01:44:46,839
Speaker 4: Ladaria rusted suddenly into child protective services in twenty fifteen.

2241
01:44:47,520 --> 01:44:52,120
Speaker 4: My nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

2242
01:44:52,160 --> 01:44:57,439
Speaker 4: outside of kinship slim to none. Rmione, sixteen years old,

2243
01:44:57,720 --> 01:45:01,320
Speaker 4: black a boy with five years in the Falster care

2244
01:45:01,400 --> 01:45:04,800
Speaker 4: system before I even knew his name. The likelihood of

2245
01:45:04,880 --> 01:45:09,160
Speaker 4: ever being adopted, yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

2246
01:45:10,680 --> 01:45:13,280
Speaker 4: While Laderian and our MONI were trying to survive and

2247
01:45:13,360 --> 01:45:17,040
Speaker 4: barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falter care system.

2248
01:45:17,120 --> 01:45:20,360
Speaker 4: I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having

2249
01:45:20,439 --> 01:45:22,439
Speaker 4: been a single father with a daughter who at that

2250
01:45:22,560 --> 01:45:24,040
Speaker 4: point was doing well in college.

2251
01:45:24,520 --> 01:45:26,160
Speaker 3: It was my time to live my life right.

2252
01:45:27,240 --> 01:45:27,479
Speaker 2: Wrong.

2253
01:45:28,600 --> 01:45:31,880
Speaker 3: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

2254
01:45:32,840 --> 01:45:36,160
Speaker 4: There are just too many of our Black children stuck

2255
01:45:36,479 --> 01:45:39,759
Speaker 4: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falster care system.

2256
01:45:40,479 --> 01:45:44,479
Speaker 4: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast

2257
01:45:44,520 --> 01:45:46,800
Speaker 4: forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this

2258
01:45:46,960 --> 01:45:49,360
Speaker 4: other young king, but I felt God instructed me to

2259
01:45:49,479 --> 01:45:50,000
Speaker 4: adopt him.

2260
01:45:50,000 --> 01:45:50,920
Speaker 3: Also on al Babe.

2261
01:45:51,800 --> 01:45:54,840
Speaker 4: Starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right, Working

2262
01:45:54,880 --> 01:45:57,519
Speaker 4: with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring

2263
01:45:57,600 --> 01:46:00,759
Speaker 4: awareness to the countless young Black kings in the foster

2264
01:46:00,880 --> 01:46:05,040
Speaker 4: care system should have decreased my agitation. Right join the

2265
01:46:05,080 --> 01:46:08,400
Speaker 4: board of directors of Advantage Adoption and organization that helps

2266
01:46:08,479 --> 01:46:11,920
Speaker 4: find permanent adoptive homes for children in Falter care should

2267
01:46:11,920 --> 01:46:13,519
Speaker 4: have led to some type of resolve.

2268
01:46:13,640 --> 01:46:18,000
Speaker 3: Right. No, not at all. None of it felt like

2269
01:46:18,160 --> 01:46:19,160
Speaker 3: I had done enough.

2270
01:46:20,240 --> 01:46:24,320
Speaker 4: I now realized that every one of those experiences was

2271
01:46:24,439 --> 01:46:28,919
Speaker 4: land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission. Kingdom Royale.

2272
01:46:29,800 --> 01:46:32,439
Speaker 4: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

2273
01:46:32,520 --> 01:46:35,680
Speaker 4: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

2274
01:46:35,720 --> 01:46:38,719
Speaker 4: the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole

2275
01:46:38,840 --> 01:46:43,400
Speaker 4: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,

2276
01:46:43,680 --> 01:46:47,559
Speaker 4: and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless.

2277
01:46:47,080 --> 01:46:50,000
Speaker 3: Options that they thought were impossible.

2278
01:46:51,200 --> 01:46:53,519
Speaker 4: Though the young Kings will attend the local public schools

2279
01:46:53,520 --> 01:46:56,880
Speaker 4: that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal, our at home

2280
01:46:56,960 --> 01:47:01,120
Speaker 4: curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating the arts, attending

2281
01:47:01,200 --> 01:47:06,080
Speaker 4: various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions

2282
01:47:06,120 --> 01:47:10,439
Speaker 4: about current events and even relevant historical contexts, introducing them

2283
01:47:10,520 --> 01:47:14,080
Speaker 4: to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals

2284
01:47:14,360 --> 01:47:18,080
Speaker 4: on our form and on site stables. We just launched

2285
01:47:18,200 --> 01:47:21,280
Speaker 4: our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two

2286
01:47:21,320 --> 01:47:22,320
Speaker 4: point eight million dollars.

2287
01:47:22,360 --> 01:47:24,800
Speaker 3: Now why two point eight million dollars? Well.

2288
01:47:24,840 --> 01:47:27,200
Speaker 4: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

2289
01:47:27,240 --> 01:47:31,160
Speaker 4: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

2290
01:47:31,400 --> 01:47:33,519
Speaker 3: One of the most notable successes.

2291
01:47:33,200 --> 01:47:36,240
Speaker 4: Was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty

2292
01:47:36,400 --> 01:47:40,680
Speaker 4: eight million views. However, one of my biggest regrets is

2293
01:47:40,720 --> 01:47:42,960
Speaker 4: that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in

2294
01:47:43,080 --> 01:47:47,160
Speaker 4: implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community. So

2295
01:47:47,360 --> 01:47:51,320
Speaker 4: throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm

2296
01:47:51,360 --> 01:47:54,360
Speaker 4: not maximizing that moment. I knew if at that time

2297
01:47:54,960 --> 01:47:57,880
Speaker 4: just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we

2298
01:47:57,960 --> 01:48:01,400
Speaker 4: would have raised at least two points eight million dollars

2299
01:48:01,560 --> 01:48:04,000
Speaker 4: that could have really established long term support for the

2300
01:48:04,080 --> 01:48:07,800
Speaker 4: homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative

2301
01:48:07,840 --> 01:48:08,200
Speaker 4: to do so.

2302
01:48:09,280 --> 01:48:13,360
Speaker 3: This is my due over, this is our new beginning.

2303
01:48:13,560 --> 01:48:17,040
Speaker 4: Together, we can attack this at the route by specifically

2304
01:48:17,160 --> 01:48:22,280
Speaker 4: helping our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented

2305
01:48:22,479 --> 01:48:24,160
Speaker 4: in the American fossil care system.

2306
01:48:24,840 --> 01:48:26,080
Speaker 3: I'm the Terrysarwickfield.

2307
01:48:26,080 --> 01:48:29,479
Speaker 4: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work

2308
01:48:29,520 --> 01:48:32,439
Speaker 4: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

2309
01:48:33,040 --> 01:48:37,439
Speaker 4: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

2310
01:48:37,640 --> 01:48:43,280
Speaker 4: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot

2311
01:48:43,360 --> 01:48:46,920
Speaker 4: com for more details, Crown of King and make a

2312
01:48:47,000 --> 01:48:56,960
Speaker 4: donation today. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the

2313
01:48:57,000 --> 01:49:02,440
Speaker 4: Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently,

2314
01:49:02,960 --> 01:49:03,920
Speaker 4: and don't stop loving.

2315
01:49:04,360 --> 01:49:06,640
Speaker 3: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and

2316
01:49:06,680 --> 01:49:07,360
Speaker 3: YouTube channel.

2317
01:49:07,560 --> 01:49:11,040
Speaker 4: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Little Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

2318
01:49:11,320 --> 01:49:14,160
Speaker 3: Be welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your

2319
01:49:14,200 --> 01:49:14,880
Speaker 3: friends and family.