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Speaker 1: Well, I've been rocking doing this podcast going on six years,

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Speaker 1: and season eleven is the first season where I've been

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Speaker 1: able to have a co host, my lovely wife, Ashley Whitfield.

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Speaker 1: And unfortunately today she's not here, but she's loving it.

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Speaker 1: She reads all the messages that y'all send her, letting

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Speaker 1: them know she's doing an amazing job.

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Speaker 2: This is a fun fact.

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Speaker 1: Since I've been divorced over ten years ago, I never

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Speaker 1: spent Valentine's Day with a love interest, even when I dated,

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Speaker 1: because I want to reserve that day for my future wife.

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Speaker 1: So I want to encourage you to date for her self.

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Speaker 1: It agrees with my heart when I talk to some

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Speaker 1: people who say that they feel lame going to eat

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Speaker 1: by themselves, and I just want to encourage you and

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Speaker 1: your becoming. You have to be willing to spend time

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Speaker 1: with yourself if you expect somebody else to spend time

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Speaker 1: with you. Take a good book, matter of fact, get

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Speaker 1: Student of Love, shameless plug, go to dinner and open

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Speaker 1: up your book and read. I want to be married,

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Speaker 1: not for some platform, not because of dear future wifey

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Speaker 1: because you heard people say I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: married because I have this platform, and if I got married,

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Speaker 1: then what do I do with dear future wife. All

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Speaker 1: these people believe in whatever they believe, but God knew.

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Speaker 1: I believe that marriage is so representative of God's relationship

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Speaker 1: with the church, and.

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Speaker 2: So I want to exemplify that.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to encourage people who believe that mayorage doesn't

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Speaker 1: work that it does. I wanted to prove to myself

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Speaker 1: that I could be a good husband, because in the

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Speaker 1: past I was a terrible one. I wanted an ultimate duo.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to love a woman well sacrificially. I want

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Speaker 1: to show my nephew son La Darien what it looks

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Speaker 1: like modling by example, serving a woman well who sacrifice.

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Speaker 2: And serve it to and love and honor and respect.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be everything that God told me that

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Speaker 1: I could be, and the greatest maturation phase that a

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Speaker 1: man could ever go through, it's been a husband. I

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Speaker 1: highlighted some key things in this book. I read a

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Speaker 1: comment when I was telling people that they should get

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Speaker 1: Student of Love. They said, well, why don't you read

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Speaker 1: stuff from the book. So I said, you know what,

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Speaker 1: this is a perfect episode.

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Speaker 3: To do that.

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Speaker 1: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

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Speaker 1: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

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Speaker 1: this day, the day I got married November twenty second,

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 4: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 4: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 4: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 1: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 1: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 2: You are the award, the.

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Speaker 1: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing

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Speaker 1: and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 4: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 4: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 1: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 1: I'm the Terra saar Whitfield.

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Speaker 3: I'm Ashley R.

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Speaker 4: Redbelt.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Future podcast.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Dear Future Wifie podcast. I'm your hostler

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Speaker 1: Tera sar Wickfield. Listen, are you still shacking up with us?

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Speaker 1: If you're still shacking up with us, come on, can

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Speaker 1: I get a commitment? Hit that subscription button and subscribe.

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Speaker 1: Make sure you turn on your notification bell. She'll be

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Speaker 1: notified about upcoming episodes. You know what, I really do

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Speaker 1: need y'all to subscribe. I've seen comments where people said,

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Speaker 1: you know what, it was an episode I just did

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Speaker 1: with the Sykes, and they said, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: finally decided to subscribe after watching this episode. I'm like, really,

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Speaker 1: we're going on six years with the Dear Future Wifie

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Speaker 1: podcast and I don't know how long this particular viewer

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Speaker 1: have been watching the podcast, but then they said they're

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Speaker 1: finally going to subscribe. It's free, y'all. And what that

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Speaker 1: does is it helps boost the algorithms YouTube to let

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Speaker 1: YouTube know that over six hundred and fifty five thousand

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Speaker 1: of y'all are interested in this content, and it sends

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Speaker 1: y'all notification When I do Lives Live premiers or even

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Speaker 1: when I'm about to release an episode, it will notify you.

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Speaker 1: But it also lets advertisers. This year, I want to

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Speaker 1: really dig deep and start pursuing advertisers and sponsors, and

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Speaker 1: they look at your YouTube analytics and say, oh, you

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Speaker 1: have this many people checking for you, and so it

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Speaker 1: will greatly, greatly, greatly help Dear Future WiFi podcasts continue

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Speaker 1: to reach and impact lives all across the world. So

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Speaker 1: can you do me a favor and hit that subscription button. Well,

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Speaker 1: I've been rocking doing this podcast, like I said, going

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Speaker 1: on six years and season eleven is the first season

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Speaker 1: where I've been able to have a co host, my

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Speaker 1: lovely wife, Ashley Whitfield. And unfortunately today she's not here.

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Speaker 1: Why is because Ashley is working her company, Doorhawks is

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Speaker 1: an amazing company that manages that manages the VIP check

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Speaker 1: in for major events, and so for the last two

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Speaker 1: weeks she's been working.

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Speaker 2: First week, Grammy.

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Speaker 1: Week, I went to LA and spent about eight days

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Speaker 1: there making sure that I could assist her and make

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Speaker 1: sure that you know, she had everything taken care of

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Speaker 1: before she had to go to work every day. And

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Speaker 1: this week she's doing the Super Bowl. So I'm recording

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Speaker 1: this episode the Friday prior to the release of this episode.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, it's a little fee a little lonely.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 1: Let me tell you some one of the the biggest

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Speaker 1: gifts I have in my life right now is my

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Speaker 1: wife Ashley. I mean, she is everything to me and

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Speaker 1: I'll randomly send her text messages and say I miss you.

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Speaker 1: That is all that is the message, because I miss

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Speaker 1: waking up next to her, going to bed next to her,

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Speaker 1: having conversations. I mean, we stick together like glue, and

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Speaker 1: so we're always in each other's face. And she always,

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Speaker 1: as she says, always want to be in my skin.

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Speaker 1: And so we'll reconnect on February thirteenth. Oh yeah, February thirteenth,

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Speaker 1: we'll be doing the Live Dear Future WiFi podcasts as

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Speaker 1: well as Student of Love in Grand Prairie, Texas. So

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Speaker 1: those that live in the DFW Metroplex pull up. It's

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Speaker 1: going to be an amazing event. Go to GP black

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Speaker 1: Experience dot com to get your tickets. Act one it's

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Speaker 1: going to be broken down to two acts. Act one

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Speaker 1: is going to be where I do Student of Love.

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Speaker 1: We're going to go into a modern day classroom where

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Speaker 1: everything's about love and relationships, and I'm gonna be calling

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Speaker 1: on people from the audience for class participation.

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Speaker 2: Bring them up.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna talk all things that I cover in the

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Speaker 1: book Student of Love, and it's gonna be fun. Then

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Speaker 1: Act too is my girl Kitty Rose is gonna hit

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Speaker 1: the stage. We're gonna have a conversation, talk to the audience,

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Speaker 1: Q and A. But it'll be a Dear Future Wifie

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Speaker 1: podcast live with my wife Ashley. She will be co

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Speaker 1: hosting that with me, So make sure you go to

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Speaker 1: GP Black Experience dot com and get your ticket. I've

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Speaker 1: been getting a lot of emails and dms with people saying,

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Speaker 1: when you're gonna come to my city, when you're gonna

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Speaker 1: come to my country, when you're gonna come to my island.

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Speaker 1: We're planning for all of that, and so if you

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Speaker 1: have a part of an amazing ministry or an organization

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Speaker 1: that would like to bring us in, then hey, just

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Speaker 1: go ahead and email me at Dear Future Wifie Podcasts

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Speaker 1: at gmail dot com and let me know we would

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Speaker 1: love to take a look at your bookings. I want

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Speaker 1: to talk with planning on a tour for Student of

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Speaker 1: Love where I do book signings and can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet y'all. Can't wait to see y'all. Let me give

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Speaker 1: y'all an update. So, at the time of this recording,

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Speaker 1: I've been married two months and well when it releases

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Speaker 1: about two months and three weeks, the twenty second of

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Speaker 1: February will be three months.

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Speaker 2: And it's been fun.

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Speaker 1: It's been quite an adjustment because we have two locations

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Speaker 1: live in Dallas, but Ashley still has her place in

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Speaker 1: LA because she does a lot of work in LA,

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Speaker 1: and so where we've been juggling trying to spend time

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Speaker 1: in LA as well as Dallas. Ashley has been adjusting

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Speaker 1: extremely well as a co host. Wouldn't you say? She

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Speaker 1: was really a little apprehensive went stepping into that. But

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Speaker 1: she's loving She's killing it. She's doing an amazing job

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Speaker 1: as my co host. She reads all the messages that

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Speaker 1: y'all send her telling her how fabulous she's doing as

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Speaker 1: the co host. So diar future wifey and so y'all

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Speaker 1: keep showing my lovely wife love, letting them know that

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Speaker 1: you get value out of her. And as the episodes

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Speaker 1: continue to go forth and she gets more comfortable than

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Speaker 1: she'll begin to open up and share more about her

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Speaker 1: personal life and all of that. You know what since Valentine?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, let me tell you what happened today. So

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Speaker 1: the reason why I'm recording this episode by myself is

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Speaker 1: a guest that I had scheduled for today. A few

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Speaker 1: hours prior to recording, they text me, I want to

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Speaker 1: have the husband and a wife, and the husband had

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Speaker 1: to be he had an important meeting to be a

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Speaker 1: part of so he couldn't come, and I want to

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Speaker 1: have the husband and wife on the episode, and so

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Speaker 1: they hit me and said, hey, do you want just

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Speaker 1: me or how do you want to do this? And

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Speaker 1: then she said she felt lad to just do it

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Speaker 1: with her husband because I was like, hey, I really

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Speaker 1: like having couples.

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Speaker 2: Now let me tell you this.

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Speaker 1: I really disliked doing the episodes by myself where I'm

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Speaker 1: just talking, because puts a lot of pressure on you

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Speaker 1: to try to keep people engaged and entertained for an hour.

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Speaker 1: But God told me to go forth and do it,

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Speaker 1: and so we're gonna get a lot of value out

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Speaker 1: of this episode. I want to show y'all that's going

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Speaker 1: to require me to edit this video. I'm gonna put

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Speaker 1: this in here. Hopefully I'm able to edit this, but

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Speaker 1: I'm going to show y'all the proposal. Y'all originally saw

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Speaker 1: the mystery bride revealed as just her hand on my shoulder.

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Speaker 2: But I'm gonna go ahead and show y'all.

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Speaker 1: Since this is Valentine's Week, I'm gonna go ahead and

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Speaker 1: show y'all the the proposal.

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Speaker 2: So take a look at this. So here's the deal.

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Speaker 1: I had to come up with an idea to get

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Speaker 1: accid to go to Kinli Worship. And what I told

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Speaker 1: her was that see, at this time, no one knew

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Speaker 1: shit and I was dating.

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Speaker 2: So I said, you could be.

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Speaker 1: My manager assisting me to meet with Warren and Erica

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Speaker 1: about the reality show that they were going to be

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Speaker 1: bringing back and.

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Speaker 2: My involvement in that reality show.

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Speaker 1: So I said, hey, I need you to act as

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Speaker 1: my manager for this meeting that we're going to have

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Speaker 1: right right listen.

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Speaker 2: That was the best I can come up with. My

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Speaker 2: Here it goes. Would you just look like a you

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Speaker 2: know the front door?

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Speaker 5: Yes, this is where we met.

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Speaker 1: Yep, Okay, so I guess I wanted to just welcome.

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Speaker 5: Remember then remember right here?

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I can't hold kin you're holding him.

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Speaker 6: Oh I'm good teacher, delicious baby from my brother.

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Speaker 3: Texture.

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Speaker 5: I think you maybe, girl, says the sho I.

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Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome, Welcome. So you said that you would be

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Speaker 1: able to predict this, did you? You said you just knew?

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Speaker 3: Did you?

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Speaker 2: This is the place that you and I met.

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Speaker 1: I was doing the podcast here in November and we

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Speaker 1: grabbed hands in that center hour and walked out of

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Speaker 1: this sanctuary I caught myself and said, why am I

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Speaker 1: holding this stranger's hand? And but I felt a divine connection.

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Speaker 1: What's see where you sitting there? You remember see here and.

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Speaker 4: Sitting there, I was sitting at the end.

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Speaker 1: All at all, at the very end on this road.

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Speaker 1: Have a seat right here in this on right here

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Speaker 1: in this see everybody y'all can be seeing now.

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Speaker 7: So expected, But I already knew. It's just like days

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Speaker 7: shape it it was you love to go over like

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Speaker 7: we had it stop me when you don't want to

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Speaker 7: ride to had to but our eyes could see if

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Speaker 7: you know.

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Speaker 8: It was you.

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Speaker 4: Gonna lave you.

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Speaker 8: I tried to come back to real eye.

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Speaker 9: I can't ignore what it shure with me, cur everything

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Speaker 9: I've been waiting.

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Speaker 3: Ething for this morning.

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Speaker 9: I see my destiny kid the en.

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Speaker 6: No, the star was.

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Speaker 8: Into me so married I comedy like you are already

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Speaker 8: in mind. You want to my gird me in time

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Speaker 8: after time.

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Speaker 6: You know I was you.

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Speaker 8: Odal, I see your dager prints are.

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Speaker 6: So love you.

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Speaker 8: I gave you this week of log.

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Speaker 7: I need you, Yeah, girl is ms houry mad.

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Speaker 3: I can't deny that God is shore with me.

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Speaker 8: Lord, there is a love as mentality, so Mary.

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Speaker 7: So or.

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Speaker 8: Me Yeah, thank you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for allowing me to sing that to me. Maeh,

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Speaker 1: thank you, King, thank you, thank you. When I started

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Speaker 1: my podcast five years ago, I was writing to my

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Speaker 1: future Wifey, not realizing that I would meet her at

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Speaker 1: this very church. I would write letters at the end

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Speaker 1: of my podcast to my future wife here, and it

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Speaker 1: feels so good to see her realized, and so in

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Speaker 1: customary fashion, it would only be right to write a

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Speaker 1: letter to you, dear future Wifey. We're standing in the

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Speaker 1: midst of a miracle. My present has finally caught.

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Speaker 2: Up with the future, and it's you.

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Speaker 1: You are here. In my heart, I feel settled. Without settling,

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Speaker 1: my soul rests in your love. My mind is clear

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Speaker 1: in your presence. You didn't just welcome my children. You

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Speaker 1: wove yourself into the fabric of their lives. You didn't

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Speaker 1: merely accept my children. You assimilated. Lataria is a married

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Speaker 1: adult building the life of her own, Yet you gracefully

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Speaker 1: assimilated into her world Through sweet text messages. You reminded

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Speaker 1: her she was on your mind even when she wasn't

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Speaker 1: in the room. She once prayed that I marry a

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Speaker 1: woman who could be her friend. You must have been

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Speaker 1: sitting beside God when that request rose to heaven. Because

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Speaker 1: you didn't force your way into her heart. You simply fit, effortlessly, naturally, beautifully.

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Speaker 1: You became exactly who she asked for. You aren't just

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Speaker 1: concerned with Ladarian. You made his journey personally. You champion

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Speaker 1: his future with the fierce love of a mother, stopping

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Speaker 1: at nothing to ensure he's equipped for life beyond high school.

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Speaker 1: Your wisdom doesn't just guide him, it touches the deepest

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Speaker 1: corners of my heart. Words can't fully express how your

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Speaker 1: love for my children moves me, but please know this.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for loving them like they're yours, and for

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Speaker 1: proven that loving me means loving all of me. I'm

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Speaker 1: intrigued by the way your mind forecast the future. I'm

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Speaker 1: captivated by the rhythm of your breath, the quiet melody

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Speaker 1: that soothes my soul. I'm in awe of your ratan smile,

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Speaker 1: your contagious laugh, your stunning beauty inside and out. You

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Speaker 1: are a gift without a return receipt, and I will

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Speaker 1: handle you with reverence, with care, with intention. The Lord

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Speaker 1: is granted me the ultimate do over, and I will

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Speaker 1: love you with precision. A year and a half ago,

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Speaker 1: right here at Cali Worship, I first laid eyes on

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Speaker 1: you without thinking, I grabbed your hand in the center

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Speaker 1: oil as we walk towards the lobby. Then I caught

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Speaker 1: myself let go trying to play a cool but something

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Speaker 1: in we already knew. Though we had just met, it

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Speaker 1: felt like we'd always known each other. It was as

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Speaker 1: if my body was calling itself to itself. Bone of

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Speaker 1: my bone, flesh of my flesh. We remained strictly platonic

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Speaker 1: friends until four months ago, when everything shifted. Who would

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Speaker 1: have thought that Cali Worship booking the Dear Future WIFEI

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Speaker 1: podcast would turn into me desiring to book you for life.

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Speaker 2: Ashley.

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Speaker 1: You are my best friend. It would be my greatest

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Speaker 1: honor to take you from friend to fiance.

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Speaker 2: So now as I kneel in submission.

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Speaker 1: To you and my heavenly father, I asked you a

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Speaker 1: question that will redefine our future, reshape our legacy, and

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Speaker 1: give our new lives new purpose.

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Speaker 2: My Black Queen, will you marry me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Man, It took a lot of planning to pull

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Speaker 1: that off. She would be calling me and I'll tell

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Speaker 1: her Like Kenny Lattimore, was at my house one day

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Speaker 1: and we came up with this idea. Well, I came

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Speaker 1: up with this idea to tell her that I'll be

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Speaker 1: coming to LA to record him working on a song

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Speaker 1: in the studio, which I used to do with with

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Speaker 1: my boy Kenny. I would go and film bts of

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Speaker 1: him recording. As a matter of fact, I actually recorded

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Speaker 1: my team and I Tony Pettiford. We shot three of

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Speaker 1: Kenny Lattimore's music videos when I was doing video production,

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Speaker 1: and so I told Ashley that We'll be coming to

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Speaker 1: LA to record this song, which we did, and so

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Speaker 1: we recorded him recording the proposal song, so that song

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Speaker 1: was professionally recorded. I had Warren campbell Man to have

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Speaker 1: a Grammy Award winning producer work on your song. Shout

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Speaker 1: out to Warren campbell Man when I tell you. When

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Speaker 1: I called him and asked him to uh produce this song,

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Speaker 1: he was like, sure, I got you. I was like,

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Speaker 1: hold on, now, I can't afforde. I know you say

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Speaker 1: you got me, but I know you calls some coins

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Speaker 1: and I ain't. I got no money to be paying you,

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Speaker 1: Like this is the terrorists. I got you. He said

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Speaker 1: it would be an honor to do this. So I

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Speaker 1: just want to let you know in front of the

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Speaker 1: world Warren that I deeply appreciate you for showing me

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Speaker 1: love and blessing this song with your artistry, your gifts,

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Speaker 1: your skills.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: And shout out to Cali Worship for allowing me to

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Speaker 1: host my proposal at your amazing.

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Speaker 2: Ministry.

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Speaker 1: Man, it's amazing because to know that I first set

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Speaker 1: eyes on Ashley in that church and to know the

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Speaker 1: full circle experience was me proposing to her on July

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Speaker 1: the thirteenth and then having our wedding there. I know, VI,

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Speaker 1: I'm the twenty second come on man. Yeah, Man, God

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Speaker 1: is amazing. He is absolulutely amazing. I want this episode.

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about a couple of points in

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Speaker 1: this episode.

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Speaker 2: Hey, I want to encourage you.

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Speaker 1: I want to encourage you because I remember every Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day I had never This is a fun fact. I

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Speaker 1: since I've been divorced over ten years ago, I never

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Speaker 1: spent Valentine's Day with a love interest or a woman.

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Speaker 1: I was never in a relationship around Valentine's Day. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I remember every when Valentine's would come around I

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Speaker 1: would say I was going to be intentional about being

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Speaker 1: alone spend that day so that I could feel what

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Speaker 1: it felt like to be without a person in my life,

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Speaker 1: to be without love in my life, quote unquote, as

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Speaker 1: far as romantic standpoint, And I'll tell you this, even

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Speaker 1: when I dated. As I was dating, I wouldn't allow

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Speaker 1: woman to spend Valentine's Day with me. I wouldn't because

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Speaker 1: because I want to reserve that day for my future wifey.

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm a reserved this day for my future wifey,

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Speaker 1: and I want to feel what it felt like to

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Speaker 1: be by myself and alan so that when God blessed

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Speaker 1: me with my purpose partner, that I would remember how

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Speaker 1: it felt been by myself and I would honor that day.

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Speaker 1: I would honor her presence. I did the same thing

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Speaker 1: for a Christmas. That did the same thing for any holiday,

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Speaker 1: including my birthday. I said, I'm gonna spend it alone

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Speaker 1: so that I could reserve that time and space for

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Speaker 1: my future wifey. So I want to encourage you, don't

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Speaker 1: go get a placeholder. I know how tempting it may

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Speaker 1: be to say, man, I ain't about to spend Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day by myself I'm gonna go call up SO and so,

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Speaker 1: get me a little cuddle buddy, get me somebody that

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Speaker 1: I can just hang out with. I want to challenge

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Speaker 1: you to just spend it with you and God. Spend

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Speaker 1: it in this intimate moment with just you and God,

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Speaker 1: and embrace the love that He has given you. And

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Speaker 1: I'm not telling y'all to do something that I didn't do.

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Speaker 1: I did it every single Valentine's Day for ten years.

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Speaker 1: Ten years. Would just spend time alone. I take myself

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Speaker 1: out on a date, take myself out to a restaurant,

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Speaker 1: take myself out to go get a manicure, pedicure, of

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Speaker 1: massage or facial I would take myself. I would date myself.

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Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to date yourself. It greeves

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Speaker 1: my heart when I talk to some people who say

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Speaker 1: that they feel lame going to eat by themselves, or

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00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: feel lame going to the movies by themselves, or going

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Speaker 1: somewhere by themselves, and I just want to encourage you.

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Speaker 1: It's powering that it's powering. Your growth is powering your maturity,

401
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 1: is power in your becoming, because in your becoming, you

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Speaker 1: have to be willing to spend time with yourself. If

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Speaker 1: you expect somebody else to spend time with you, so

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00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: spend time with yourself.

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Speaker 2: You don't.

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Speaker 1: You won't look lame. You won't take a good book.

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Speaker 1: Matter of fact, get Student of Love, shameless plug get

408
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:28,240
Speaker 1: Student of Love. Take yourself out on a date, Go

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Speaker 1: to dinner and open up your book and read. Go

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Speaker 1: to a park, sit, read, spend time with yourself, and

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Speaker 1: you're never alone because God is always with you.

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Speaker 2: He said, I'll never.

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Speaker 1: Leave you, nor forsake you. Let me look up the

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Speaker 1: word for sake, he said, I will never leave you,

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Speaker 1: nor forsake you. Let's see how the definition of for

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Speaker 1: sake is. For sake means abandon somewhere one or something, renounce,

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Speaker 1: or give up. He says, I will never abandon you.

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Speaker 1: I will never renounce or give up on you. That's powerful,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know who I'm talking to right now,

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Speaker 1: but you need to hear that you've done some things

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Speaker 1: in your life that you're not proud of. You made

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Speaker 1: some choices. You've entertained things that you know you shouldn't

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Speaker 1: have entertained, and you've entertained people that you know you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't have entertained. Hey, I'm the first to tell you

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Speaker 1: that's me too. But God says, I will never leave

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Speaker 1: you nor forsake you. He knows something else. If you

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Speaker 1: haven't given your life to Christ, or if you have

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Speaker 1: given your life to Christ here in a backsliding condition,

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Speaker 1: His word says, I am married to the backslider. See,

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Speaker 1: there's no separation from God.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 1: The Bible says, nothing can separate me from the love

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Speaker 1: of God. So even while you may be married, you

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00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: may be married right now and you and your spouse

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00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: are separated, living in two different residences trying to figure

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00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: out if y'all going to stay married. Talking to you

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00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: right now, God says, I'm married to the backslider.

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Speaker 2: And so I want to encourage you.

439
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: Those that are married that's facing turmoil or a decision

440
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 1: right now, I want you to truly begin to fast

441
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: for God to heal your marriage. Shoot your spouse a

442
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: text and say, I know we don't see eye to

443
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: eye on a lot of things, but can you please

444
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 1: join me in just fasting for twenty four hours. Fast

445
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:41,160
Speaker 1: twenty four hours so God can give us direction on

446
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: how we're going to move forward with this marriage. Who

447
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm talking to somebody yeah, because that

448
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 1: was not where I was about to go. I was

449
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: about to talk about people that are in a backslating

450
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 1: condition that tried Christianity and tried God, and you were

451
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 1: on fire for God, but you experience church hurt, you

452
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 1: experienced somebody betraying you a friend, or you may started

453
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: reading quote unquote too much and begin to be so

454
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: knowledgeable that you begin to outthink God and say God

455
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 1: can't be real because if God was real, why do

456
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: we have this? And why are people suffering? And why

457
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 1: do we have that? And you're in a backslitting condition

458
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 1: and you're giving up on God. I want you to

459
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 1: know that God hasn't given up on you. He's still

460
00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: married to you. Stop cheating on him, stop having spiritual infidelity.

461
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: His love never fails. I want to challenge you to

462
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: go back to that secret place where you knew you

463
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 1: knew him. I'm not talking about after all the influx

464
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: of information that you got, all the pain that you experienced.

465
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 1: I'm talking about that moment, the moment when you gave

466
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: your life to Christ and nobody could shake your faith.

467
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: You knew that you knew that, you knew that you

468
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 1: experience God, You experience his love. You experience his power,

469
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: you experience his mercy, you experience his forgiveness. Go back

470
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: to that place. God is speaking to me right now

471
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: to tell you to go back to that place where

472
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 1: you knew God was real. Go back there and God

473
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: will meet you right there, and He will reveal again. See,

474
00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 1: God ain't afraid of you. God ain't scared of you.

475
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: He ain't scared of your questions. He's not scared of

476
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 1: your problems. He's not scared of your disbelief. It's a

477
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: scripture that says, help me with my unbelief. I want

478
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:03,960
Speaker 1: to find that scripture, Help me with my unbelief. Scripture

479
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:13,520
Speaker 1: The Mixture of Faith in Days Matthew nine twenty three

480
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 1: through twenty five. Matthew nine three through twenty five. Jesus

481
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,359
Speaker 1: said to him, if you can believe, all things are

482
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 1: possible to him who believes. Immediately, the father of the

483
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: child cried out and said, with tears, Lord, I believe.

484
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 2: Help my unbelief.

485
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he

486
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,760
Speaker 1: rebuked the unclean spirit, saying it death and dumb spirit.

487
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,640
Speaker 1: I command you come out of him and enter him.

488
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: No more. Help my unbelief. So God knows you've been

489
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:51,200
Speaker 1: through some things. God knows that you may be dealing

490
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 1: with a sick child that you've been praying, You've been fasting,

491
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:58,319
Speaker 1: you've been laying on the altar. You've gotten your friends

492
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,799
Speaker 1: and family members, even the pastor praying to see this

493
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 1: child here and to no avail. You feel like God

494
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,520
Speaker 1: has failed you. Maybe you dealing with the love when

495
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: a family member, friend, a spouse that's balanced sickness and illnesses,

496
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,280
Speaker 1: and you said, now, God, if you're real. I heard

497
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 1: that you said that if I had the faith the

498
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,600
Speaker 1: grain of a mustard seed, I could speak to a

499
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 1: mountain and it be casting to the sea. I heard

500
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 1: you say that, Well, I believe, and nothing is changing.

501
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 1: Help me, Holy Spirit, continue to press for it. Push push.

502
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 1: The acronym for push is pray until something happens.

503
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 2: Keep praying.

504
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: I pray that your faith fails not. Do not grow,

505
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 1: and you're well doing, for in due season you shall

506
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 1: reap if you faint not. And I know it gets hard.

507
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,719
Speaker 1: I know it gets hard. I know that even as singles.

508
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,959
Speaker 1: A lot of y'all, I was about to say to us,

509
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: but a lot of y'all so used to saying, I

510
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 1: was single. But a lot of us could, I mean

511
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 1: a lot of y'all could feel like, you know, God

512
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:33,440
Speaker 1: failed you, that your practicing abstinence, your pan ties and

513
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: offering your serving and ministry, you're doing the right thing.

514
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:42,280
Speaker 1: You're dating with intention. You've been patiently waiting on God,

515
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 1: and God hasn't come through. I pray that your faith fails, not,

516
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: for in due season you shall reap if you faint.

517
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 7: Not.

518
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: I'm telling you a lot of people didn't believe that

519
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: our was truly desiring marriage. And when I tell you

520
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:12,200
Speaker 1: I truly desired marriage. I want to be married, not

521
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,879
Speaker 1: for some platform, not because of dear future wifey. Because

522
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:17,840
Speaker 1: you heard other people say I don't want to be

523
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,720
Speaker 1: married because I have this platform. And if I got married,

524
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 1: then what do I do with dear future wifey? Then

525
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 1: Yet other people said, oh, he has to get married

526
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 1: because he can't stay single so long during dear future wife.

527
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:32,839
Speaker 1: All these people believe in whatever they believe. But God

528
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 1: knew truly my heart, and my heart was to get

529
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: married for quite a few reasons. Number one is because

530
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 1: I wanted to honor God with my life. I had

531
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: been honoring Him with my life. You know, as a

532
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 1: single man. But I believe that marriage is so representative

533
00:37:56,719 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 1: of God's relationship with the church. To exemplify that, I

534
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:04,839
Speaker 1: wanted to encourage people who believe that mayors doesn't work

535
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: that it does. I wanted to prove to myself that

536
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 1: I could be a good husband, because in the past

537
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 1: I was a terrible one. I wanted to I wanted

538
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 1: an ultimate do over. I wanted to love a woman

539
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 1: well sacrificially. I wanted to be able to serve a

540
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:31,839
Speaker 1: woman well sacrificially. I want to show my nephew son

541
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: thea Darien what it looks like modeling by example, serving

542
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 1: a woman well through sacrifice and servitude and love and

543
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:49,520
Speaker 1: honor and respect. I wanted to be everything that God

544
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 1: told me that I could be. And the greatest maturation

545
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 1: phase that a man could ever go through, it's being

546
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:00,839
Speaker 1: a husband, because being a husband ain't fair. I don't

547
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:06,359
Speaker 1: know if y'all saw that episode with David Burr, shout

548
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 1: out to my boy David Burr's but being a husband

549
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 1: ain't fair. Powerful, powerful episode, you know what. I highlighted

550
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:22,480
Speaker 1: some key things in this book. I read a comment

551
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,840
Speaker 1: when I was telling people that they should get student

552
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 1: of love.

553
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 2: They said, well, why don't.

554
00:39:26,520 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: You read stuff from the book, like, stop telling people

555
00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: to buy it without giving us information what's in the book?

556
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 1: So I said, you know what, this is a perfect

557
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 1: episode to do that. And so I'm gonna jump to

558
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: those that have the book. I'm gonna jump to page

559
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:46,399
Speaker 1: thirty six. No no, no, no, no, no, I want

560
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 1: to jump to was that? I just higher? All right,

561
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:56,360
Speaker 1: I'm jumped to thirty six thirty six? Present don't pursue

562
00:39:56,400 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: the power of authenticity. The distinction between using and persuading

563
00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: goes hand in hand with understanding roles and connection. For women,

564
00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 1: this often means embracing the power of presenting rather than pursuing.

565
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:13,320
Speaker 1: Let me explain, presenting isn't passive. It's positioning. It's showing

566
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:16,920
Speaker 1: up as your authentic self, standing confidently and your values

567
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 1: and creating space for mutual interest to emerge naturally. It's

568
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 1: not about chasing someone down or trying to convince them

569
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:29,840
Speaker 1: why they should choose you. That's persuading, and as we've

570
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: already covered, persuasion out of ego leads to toxicity.

571
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 2: So what does presenting look like?

572
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: It means you're engaged in your purpose, focus on your

573
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: growth and living in alignment with your values. You're not

574
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:44,919
Speaker 1: sending fifteen text messages in a row or planning how

575
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 1: to accidentally bump into someone for the third time this week.

576
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 1: You're showing up who you are through your actions, your character,

577
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,279
Speaker 1: and your energy. You're not hiding your interest, but you're

578
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 1: also not forcing it. I'm gonna jump over here on

579
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:02,359
Speaker 1: page thirty seven. A man in the seeing phase, all

580
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 1: she needs to do is be herself. You see, the

581
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 1: seeing phase is the moment when a man is in

582
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: the right place spiritually and emotionally to be able to

583
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:15,360
Speaker 1: recognize the woman who aligns with his purpose, values and vision.

584
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: I want to stop there and just add this nugget.

585
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 1: See a lot of times people are asking me. I'll

586
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 1: get dms where people say, well, how do I make

587
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: a man recognize me? You don't have to make a

588
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 1: man recognize you. When I met Ashley, all she did

589
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 1: was walk up to me and tell me that she

590
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: enjoyed it, enjoyed the podcast, and that she had a

591
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 1: couple of friends that had been on the podcast before

592
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 1: I knew it. Divine connection. I grabbed her hand and

593
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:42,799
Speaker 1: walked out the sanctuary. She didn't have to persuade me.

594
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: She just presented, I want you to know that you're

595
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 1: already great the way you are. Does that mean you're perfect? No,

596
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 1: none of us are perfect, But you're already great the

597
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:58,359
Speaker 1: way you are. Those quirks, those idio secrecies, the things

598
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 1: that other guys found as a problem out there are

599
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 1: a toxic trait. Then go ahead and get that fixed,

600
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: get healed from that, go to therapy, go uncover that

601
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: so you can deal with that. But I'm talking about

602
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 1: little nuances that you have where a man may say,

603
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:13,800
Speaker 1: I don't like the way you giggle. I don't like

604
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 1: the way you do this, like little stuff like that,

605
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: your little quirks. The guy that God brings into your life,

606
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: your husband, he gonna say, you know, I like when

607
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 1: you do that. I like the little giggle when you do.

608
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 1: You're like, really, no one else ever liked that. You

609
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 1: be like, oh, he's gonna say, well, I'm not everybody else,

610
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 1: And they weren't supposed to like that. Because you're my

611
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 1: wife and brothers. You not left out the equation. The

612
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: things about you that other women complained about. Again, I'm

613
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 1: not talking about toxic traits, things that you need to

614
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,879
Speaker 1: fix and get healed from and delivered from. But I'm

615
00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:50,279
Speaker 1: talking about little quirks, little things about you. We hear

616
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 1: a lot of conversations on the podcast and on social

617
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 1: media where they talk about height and women talk about

618
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: they need a man of a certain height.

619
00:42:58,800 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 2: Well you ain't.

620
00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: You can do about the height that you are the

621
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 1: woman that God brings into your life, She's gonna love

622
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: that about you. She's gonna love it whatever it is

623
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: about you. She's going to love you for you. And

624
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:17,919
Speaker 1: that's what I want people to focus on. Stop trying

625
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 1: to pursue the wrong people and trying to persuade them

626
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 1: to see you as the one. No, you're not their one,

627
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:28,320
Speaker 1: and that's okay. Recently I went to the odd doctor

628
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,120
Speaker 1: for an updated exam. When I wrote this book, I

629
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:32,720
Speaker 1: said that, and then I just went to an exam

630
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:33,439
Speaker 1: last week.

631
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 2: That's interesting. But wait.

632
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 1: Recently I went to the eyd doctor for an updated exam.

633
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: I knew my vision had changed, but I didn't realize

634
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 1: how much until the doctor said, you need bifocals. I

635
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 1: sat there like, good lord, am I getting old. Bifocals

636
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 1: help you see both near and far. The bottom of

637
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: the lens. I mean the top part of the lens

638
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 1: sharpens what's at a distance. The bottom brings what's right

639
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:00,360
Speaker 1: in front of you into focus. Now, there was seasons

640
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,919
Speaker 1: of my life where I couldn't recognize what was far

641
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 1: or near because my prescription hadn't been updated. I needed

642
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: a proper eye exam. During an eye exam, they put

643
00:44:10,000 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: that big machine in front of your face and start

644
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 1: flipping those lenses.

645
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 2: Is this, is it better? Like this or like this?

646
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 2: That's what God had to.

647
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 1: Do with me, flip the lenses on my heart until

648
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 1: my spiritual vision lined up with his purpose. I had

649
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 1: to go through a process to actually be able to

650
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: see myself first as a man who is worthy of

651
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 1: a wife. And that's what positioned me to recognize the

652
00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: one who is most suitable for me. Then Pastor Aventer

653
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 1: Gray says something profound. The Bible says, I will give

654
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:46,040
Speaker 1: you a suitable helper. That means she has the suit

655
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:50,839
Speaker 1: that's able able to cover him, able to walk with him,

656
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:54,879
Speaker 1: able to handle who he is. That's what the see

657
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: and phase is. It's not about looking harder, it's about

658
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 1: seeing better. You can't recognize the right one when you're

659
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 1: still walking around with the blurry spirit and trust me.

660
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 1: She could be doing acrobatic flips like she's auditioning for

661
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: circus lay, and you still wouldn't notice her. In this phase,

662
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:16,360
Speaker 1: she doesn't need to chase, persuade, or perform. When a

663
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 1: woman exists authentically, confident in her identity and align with

664
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 1: her values, the right man will recognize her and understand

665
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: her significance in his life. She was hidden, yes, but

666
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 1: still see notice and sought by the one meant to

667
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 1: see her. The connection happens not because she demanded it,

668
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 1: but because she was simply herself and he saw her.

669
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: Presenting is impassive. It's an active choice to stand firm

670
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: in who you are while creating space for mutual recognition.

671
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: I need you to get that. It's trusting that the

672
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 1: right connection will emerge without force or manipulation. Oh if

673
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:01,839
Speaker 1: I could tell y'all some of the things I went

674
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 1: through while I was single. People moving the dallas to

675
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 1: try to position themselves to accidentally bump into me, or

676
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: to go to my church, or to send messages to

677
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: my pastor telling him to convince me that they were

678
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 1: my wife. Come on, come on, and if you are

679
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: in that position right now, man or woman, where you're

680
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: sitting there in limerens.

681
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 2: Let me tell you all what limerians is.

682
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,239
Speaker 1: I need to tell you all this because a lot

683
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:42,120
Speaker 1: of times people are believing God for something that God

684
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: didn't tell you.

685
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 2: These people, what's your spouse?

686
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 1: Limerence is an intense, involuntary state of romantic obsession and infatuation,

687
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:57,360
Speaker 1: characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and a desperate craving

688
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:02,720
Speaker 1: for reciprocation from a limerate op from a liberate object.

689
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 1: What are the four stages of limbers? It's good? The

690
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: four stages of limbris describe the progression of intense obsessive infatuation,

691
00:47:10,680 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 1: typically moving from attraction that's initial fascination to obsession that's

692
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 1: the intrusive thoughts and idealization and elation and despair, extreme

693
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: highs from perceived reciprocation and lows from uncertainty. And so

694
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: in limericks, you feel like you heard God say that

695
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 1: this is your person, and you start pursuing that person.

696
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: And they don't even know nothing about you. They don't

697
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,520
Speaker 1: even know your name, they don't know your existence. But

698
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,520
Speaker 1: you believe God said it. You believe it, you're acting

699
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:42,480
Speaker 1: on it, You're moving on it, and you watch this

700
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:46,479
Speaker 1: particular person go marry somebody else and you're believing God.

701
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 1: Still they married the wrong person. It's really supposed to

702
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 1: be you. God works in decency, in order, and he

703
00:47:52,719 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 1: will never, ever ever cause you to go through no

704
00:47:56,080 --> 00:48:00,160
Speaker 1: stuff like that. He does stuff in decency. And or

705
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:05,719
Speaker 1: I want to jump over here to the theory that

706
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,240
Speaker 1: I have. I really believe in going from Friend to Fiance.

707
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 1: I really really believe that. And so I'm going to

708
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:17,879
Speaker 1: turn the page fifty two from Friend to Fiance and all, yeah,

709
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 1: let me let y'all know that it is available on audiobook.

710
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 1: A lot of people have been hitting me up and

711
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: saying they have it on audiobook, and yeah, it's powerful.

712
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 1: I actually listened to it on audiobook. And I'm gonna

713
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 1: tell you why. I actually listen and I read my

714
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 1: own book because I'm still a student of love. Just

715
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 1: because I wrote it doesn't mean that I get everything

716
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,760
Speaker 1: right in my own book. I'm still learning. I'm still learning,

717
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: I'm still in process. So on page fifty two from

718
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:48,839
Speaker 1: Friend the Fiance, the Right kind of Love story, that's

719
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 1: just my thoughts, my opinion. I often say that I

720
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:54,040
Speaker 1: want to go from friend of fiance, and people often

721
00:48:54,080 --> 00:48:56,319
Speaker 1: shake their heads or roll their eyes, as if my

722
00:48:56,440 --> 00:49:00,959
Speaker 1: desire is naivety. Many people mistakenly believe that friendship makes

723
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 1: relationships to comfortable and diminishes excitement, like we need the

724
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: sparks first.

725
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 2: This could be further from the truth.

726
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:13,360
Speaker 1: Research shows that comfort allows couples to take emotional risks

727
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: and explore new aspects of their connection. When you're secure

728
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:21,320
Speaker 1: in your friendship, you're free to be vulnerable, sexy, goofy,

729
00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:24,240
Speaker 1: or even imperfect without fear of judgment.

730
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: Isn't that true?

731
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 1: Like your homegirls and your homeboys, you ain't trying to

732
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 1: put on airs with them. You get around them, you

733
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 1: don't care what you've, what you do, what you say,

734
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,760
Speaker 1: what you look like. They see you flaws in awe

735
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 1: and you know that they will accept you because of that.

736
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 1: But then when you find somebody that you're romantically involved

737
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 1: with or in at those beginning stages, you have a

738
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 1: tendency to try to put on your best performance.

739
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: And one of.

740
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:54,439
Speaker 1: The things that I got delivered from very early is

741
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:56,279
Speaker 1: I say, you know what, I'm never going I'm gonna

742
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,479
Speaker 1: let people see me for who I am. You're gonna

743
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: either like me or hate me, but if you're my person,

744
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,319
Speaker 1: you're going to truly get to know who I am,

745
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,239
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna show up authentic. That's just who I was.

746
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 1: So I would tell people at the beginning on a

747
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 1: first date. On the first date, I was like, hey, listen,

748
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 1: I cheated on my ex wife multiple times.

749
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 2: How you feel about that.

750
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 1: I would just lead with my scars because I didn't

751
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: want somebody to be blindsided if they had the mindset

752
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 1: that once a cheater, always a cheater. That now you

753
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: meet me, you start falling in love with me, and

754
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,800
Speaker 1: then you find out from an episode or a friend

755
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 1: of a friend, you know how you feel about him

756
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: cheating on his ex wife. What I thought you said

757
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 1: you would never date a cheater. I didn't know he

758
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:38,879
Speaker 1: did that. I don't know why he never told me that.

759
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 1: And now you know everybody's uncomfortable that situation. Now, I

760
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: don't let you know straight up right right off the jump,

761
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 1: consider the stories of couples who have endured significant challenges,

762
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:55,759
Speaker 1: whether financial hardship, health issues, or personal losses, and many

763
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: of these stories, it's the friendship between the partners that

764
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 1: provides the resilience needed to weather the storm. Take the

765
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 1: Martins for example, did y'all see the episode? In the

766
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: episode is love Blind? They shared how their love grew

767
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,839
Speaker 1: stronger as the wife navigated complete blindness and a life

768
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 1: changeing illness because they weren't just married, they were best friends.

769
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 1: Or consider Michael and Chavn Bethany. Now Michael was one

770
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 1: of the groomsmen in my wedding, been known their brother

771
00:51:25,680 --> 00:51:29,200
Speaker 1: for over twenty plus years, he said. Or consider Michael

772
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:32,000
Speaker 1: or Chavion Bethany, who shared their journey a balance and

773
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,359
Speaker 1: ministry and personal life along with the pressures that come

774
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: with public visibility. They made it through two decades of

775
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:41,719
Speaker 1: challenges because their deep rooted friendship provided the resilience to

776
00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 1: make it through. There are so many cases where a

777
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,800
Speaker 1: partner leaves the relationship in the midst of hardship or

778
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 1: health concerns. Couples who share a deep friendship often describe

779
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 1: feeling like they're in it together. And that's what I

780
00:51:53,600 --> 00:51:56,319
Speaker 1: want for us to be in it together with our

781
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 1: purpose partners no matter what life throws at them. This

782
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: sense of unity, woven together with shared values and a

783
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 1: deep sense of care and admiration, becomes a source of

784
00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 1: strength It's time to reframe how we think about love.

785
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:11,359
Speaker 1: Instead of seeing friendship as a separate category or a

786
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 1: precursor to romance, we should recognize it as the backbone

787
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:20,320
Speaker 1: of lasting connection. Research, personal stories, and real life examples

788
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 1: like Kadeen and de vole Ellis all point to the

789
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: same truth. Friendship cements the foundation of enduring relationships. As

790
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 1: doctor Godman emphasizes the best relationships of those where partners

791
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 1: respect and genuinely enjoy each other's company. It's not just

792
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 1: about surviving together, It's about thriving together, built on a

793
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:48,160
Speaker 1: foundation of friendship that makes everything else possible. So tell me,

794
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: do you believe in that? Do you believe in going

795
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 1: from friend to fiance? Do you believe in marrying your

796
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 1: best friends? I want you to drop a comment. I

797
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,800
Speaker 1: want you to drop a comment and say whether or

798
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:08,000
Speaker 1: not you believe that or not the influence of your environment.

799
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,480
Speaker 1: Even in writing this book, I've retreated away to my

800
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:13,719
Speaker 1: own private islands to commune with God. Now I ain't

801
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 1: talking about my own private island. It was a private

802
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:19,239
Speaker 1: island that I call home to get away from distractions

803
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,680
Speaker 1: and allow Him to pour into me so I know

804
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:24,480
Speaker 1: what to pour out to you and into my relationships. Okay,

805
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 1: maybe I'm not really on my own island. I'm just

806
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:31,400
Speaker 1: embraced the Bahamas as my own. It's a home away

807
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 1: from home. The people are absolutely beautiful, and I'm not

808
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 1: talking about their appearance, though of course I recognize God's

809
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:40,839
Speaker 1: art in their smiles and voices. Their hospitality is what

810
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 1: stands out. The friendliness and welcoming environment creates a unique

811
00:53:45,520 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 1: sense of warmth and belonging, and it's just the way

812
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:53,279
Speaker 1: people naturally interact here. Life here feels lighter, feel with

813
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:56,280
Speaker 1: laughter and ease. The rhythm of everyday life is joyful,

814
00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 1: from the sounds of music drifting through the air to

815
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:02,240
Speaker 1: laughter in the streets. It's a place where even strangers

816
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:06,720
Speaker 1: feel like family, creating an atmosphere that feels comforting and safe.

817
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 1: Then there's the crystal clear waters, vibrant coral reefs, swaying

818
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 1: palm trees, and stunning sunsets that make you feel surrounded

819
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:16,600
Speaker 1: by His presence.

820
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 2: Inhalations of the coastal.

821
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:25,400
Speaker 1: Breezes, clearly bodily and spiritual, clear bodily and spiritual airways.

822
00:54:25,440 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: Every detail of the natural let me go back, every

823
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 1: detail of the natural landscape feels sacred, as though you're

824
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:35,239
Speaker 1: stepping into a masterpiece of his work. The pace of

825
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 1: life is lower and more intentional, allowing you to rest,

826
00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:44,600
Speaker 1: excel and feel that peace. The Bahamas isn't just a place,

827
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: it's a feeling. It's where natural beauty, spiritual connection, and

828
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,880
Speaker 1: cultural warmth come together to create refuge, just a space

829
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:55,120
Speaker 1: where your soul feels at peace and your heart feels alive.

830
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 1: Everything about the Bahamas, a people, the food, the laughter,

831
00:54:58,239 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 1: nature aligns with what should feel like. It's not just

832
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:06,760
Speaker 1: a destination. It's a reminder of how good it feels

833
00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:10,280
Speaker 1: to belong and where I am allows me to recreate

834
00:55:10,360 --> 00:55:14,360
Speaker 1: some of this where I'm going. I'm intentional and focused

835
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,840
Speaker 1: on creating an environment that nurtures my spirit and aligns

836
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 1: with my values. Regardless of where my future wife and

837
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 1: I live or visit. We still may have to come

838
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 1: to visit the island to get these tropical breezes, but

839
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 1: we can cultivate a similar sense of peace, joy, and

840
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:33,399
Speaker 1: belonging right at home. I actually implement this now, whether

841
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 1: I'm engaging in a deep conversation, being kind of those

842
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: around me, finding solutions and advocating for others, or simply

843
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:41,800
Speaker 1: creating an environment of laughter for my friends or family

844
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:45,080
Speaker 1: and my home. I curated an environment that prioritizes peace,

845
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:49,919
Speaker 1: spiritual connection, and wholeness. I had no idea I would

846
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 1: find myself traveling here writing this or the very day

847
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,400
Speaker 1: I took on the very day I took my vows

848
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 1: nineteen years ago, talk about God's intentionality.

849
00:55:58,080 --> 00:55:59,799
Speaker 2: Only he could script something like this.

850
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:02,719
Speaker 1: Here I am pinning a book reflecting our lessons I've

851
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: learned about love on the same day. I once stood

852
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 1: at the altar full of hope and commitment, but I

853
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,280
Speaker 1: flunked the greatest lesson and dropped out of school.

854
00:56:10,360 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 2: Yep, I was a mayor's dropout.

855
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 1: And you know what added to the pain of the

856
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: failure having to tell my daughter, Man, let me tell

857
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:22,680
Speaker 1: you something. When I was recording this book. I record

858
00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 1: the book in Puerto Rico and I was with Ashley.

859
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:31,280
Speaker 1: Ashley was booked for a job to work there. And

860
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 1: what mother's dad was that in November October, thing of

861
00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 1: November in November, and I was there with her, and

862
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:42,200
Speaker 1: I said, I'm gonna go ahead record the audiobook. So

863
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:45,400
Speaker 1: I had planned it to record the audio book, and

864
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,880
Speaker 1: it was so powerful and as I was reading this audiobook,

865
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: it was certain things that was just leaping out at me,

866
00:56:50,520 --> 00:56:53,800
Speaker 1: because remember I wrote this book while I was single,

867
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:59,440
Speaker 1: didn't know who my wife was, and turned in the

868
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 1: fire On manuscript a couple of months after Ashton and

869
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,919
Speaker 1: I started dating. And so I'm recording the audio book

870
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 1: and I'm like, wow, Like, now I have to apply

871
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 1: these lessons in my book that I wrote, and now

872
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 1: I have to implement. I'm trying to see do I

873
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:28,280
Speaker 1: want to talk about this? I want to?

874
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 2: I want to. I want to.

875
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: I want to leave stuff for y'all to discover. I

876
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 1: do want to leave this with y'all. This lesson ate, Yeah,

877
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 1: I'll do lesson eight. Read something lesson eight. Look how

878
00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:48,480
Speaker 1: the book look I designed the way the pages look

879
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 1: in the dope lesson eate be comfortable being uncomfortable. The

880
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 1: lesson before the lesson growth is uncomfortable. Whether it's in relationships,

881
00:57:56,840 --> 00:58:00,040
Speaker 1: personal development, or faith. The biggest transformations happen in the

882
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 1: moments we'd rather avoid.

883
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 2: But here's the thing. You can't grow and stay the same.

884
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:09,160
Speaker 1: This chapter is an invitation to embrace discomfort as a

885
00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:11,360
Speaker 1: key to your next level. Are you willing to sit

886
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 1: in the tension. Let's go there. Listen, learning doesn't mean

887
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 1: being perfect. If perfection is what you're seeking, go find

888
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 1: a circle. No, this book is about understanding yourself so

889
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 1: that you can better respect the partners, and it's about

890
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:33,120
Speaker 1: occasionally pushing through discomfort to achieve it. You ever hear

891
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 1: of growing pains, and no, I'm not talking about the

892
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 1: hit TV show from back in the day, the one

893
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 1: that brought us through life lessons, both the funny and

894
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:44,640
Speaker 1: the heartfelt learned in the family setting, although come to

895
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: think of it, I did love one particular scene where

896
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 1: the characters were all growing up and went on a cruise.

897
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:53,440
Speaker 1: Someone said I think I'm falling for you, and the

898
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 1: response was, come on in the water is fine. It's

899
00:58:58,280 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 1: funny how moments like that's stick with us, like snapshots

900
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 1: of wisdom hidden in entertainment. But I digress. What I'm

901
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:08,680
Speaker 1: really talking about is that actual growing pains of a child.

902
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:11,760
Speaker 1: It's not always pleasant, but it's a sign that growth

903
00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 1: is happening. Growth, whether physical or emotional, is rarely without

904
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:23,160
Speaker 1: its discomforts. For a child, it might appear as a

905
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 1: dull ache in the limbs after a day of running, jumping,

906
00:59:26,240 --> 00:59:29,520
Speaker 1: and stretching muscles that are still catching up with the

907
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 1: rapidly growing body. There are nights when those tiny bones

908
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:35,600
Speaker 1: and joints throb, keeping that child awake, twisting and turning

909
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 1: as their body adjusts to its new dimensions. Even when

910
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 1: the discomforts so size, the changes continue beneath the surface. Muscles,

911
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: strengthening bones, lengthening nerves, adapting, all part of an unseen

912
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: process that builds resilience and strength. Yet how often do

913
00:59:51,640 --> 00:59:54,920
Speaker 1: we hear a child say, please let me stop growing.

914
00:59:56,040 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: These growing pains are uncomfortable, but they're all so inevitable.

915
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: Sure the child may cry out in the moment, but

916
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:08,560
Speaker 1: they never wish away the growth itself. They intuitively understand

917
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: that the pain is temporary and the growth is necessary.

918
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:16,400
Speaker 1: Boys might wonder how tall they'll get, especially when Leslie's

919
01:00:16,720 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 1: been taller than them since the third grade. So despite

920
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 1: the discomfort, they don't ask for the process to stop.

921
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,920
Speaker 1: They understand in their way that it's part of becoming

922
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: who they're meant to be. Now, let's shift to adults.

923
01:00:29,160 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 1: Our growing pains look different. They don't necessarily strike in

924
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 1: the middle of the night with physical aches. Instead, they

925
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 1: linger in the heart and mind. For us, growth often

926
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:47,760
Speaker 1: means confronting our fears, stepping into vulnerability and feeling and

927
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 1: facing uncomfortable truths. It's the gut wrenching moment of admitting

928
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:55,560
Speaker 1: to your partner I don't feel heard or I don't

929
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 1: feel valued. It's the quiet agony of setting boundaries with

930
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:02,560
Speaker 1: someone you love but who you know is taking advantage

931
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:06,360
Speaker 1: of your kindness. Unlike a child's aching limbs, these pains

932
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 1: are in a passing phase, a press on us until

933
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:14,720
Speaker 1: we decide to face them. I'm gonna jump all the

934
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 1: way to page one twenty three and just read this

935
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 1: last paragraph. We're gonna talk about emotional intelligence EI. Emotional

936
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:26,360
Speaker 1: intelligence is the backbone of navigating the discomfort of growth

937
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:30,920
Speaker 1: and relationships. Instead of avoiding conflict or pretending everything is okay,

938
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,000
Speaker 1: you learn to manage yourself and understand others in ways

939
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:38,760
Speaker 1: that foster connection, clarity, and progress. According to doctor Travis

940
01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:43,280
Speaker 1: brad Berry, EI can be broken down into four key

941
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:49,560
Speaker 1: skills self awareness, self management, social awareness, and relationship management.

942
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:54,280
Speaker 1: Self awareness is recognizing your emotions and understanding how they

943
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:56,800
Speaker 1: influence your thoughts and actions. It's been able to say

944
01:01:56,880 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 1: I'm frustrated because I feel unheard, instead of lashing out

945
01:02:01,160 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 1: to shutting down.

946
01:02:02,040 --> 01:02:02,280
Speaker 2: See.

947
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:05,720
Speaker 1: Self management is the next step controlling those emotions so

948
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:09,120
Speaker 1: they don't control you. It's that moment when you take

949
01:02:09,160 --> 01:02:13,760
Speaker 1: a breath instead of reacting impulsively, staying composed even when

950
01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 1: the conversation gets tense. Self awareness is where the focus

951
01:02:17,600 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 1: shifts outward, picking up on the emotions and cues of

952
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,440
Speaker 1: the people around you. It's the ability to sense your

953
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:28,720
Speaker 1: partner's frustration or sadness even if they haven't expressed it explicitly,

954
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 1: and understand the context behind it. Relationship management ties everything together.

955
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:37,320
Speaker 1: It's about leveraging your self awareness, self management, and social awareness,

956
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:42,480
Speaker 1: communicate effectively, build trust, and resolve conflicts. This is where

957
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: the beauty happens, when tough conversations become opportunities for deeper connection. Take,

958
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:52,480
Speaker 1: for instance, Cornelius and HEATHERN. Lensley y'all remember that episode

959
01:02:52,600 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 1: who shared this story on Dear Future Wifey While celebrating

960
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 1: their ten years of marriage, Cornelius ask Heather do you

961
01:02:57,920 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: like me?

962
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:00,360
Speaker 2: Who load of question?

963
01:03:00,800 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 1: Do you like me? She didn't hesitate no. She then

964
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:06,960
Speaker 1: turned the question back on him, do you like me?

965
01:03:08,040 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 1: He also replied no, and there they were sitting in

966
01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:16,320
Speaker 1: the middle of not just dinner but their marriage, face

967
01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 1: with the brutal truth. They had built businesses together, they

968
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:22,800
Speaker 1: had pastored or churse together. From the outside looking in,

969
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 1: they were thriving, but in reality they were like ships

970
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:28,480
Speaker 1: passing in the night, so busy with their mutual projects

971
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 1: and individual lives that they didn't know each other any more. Listen,

972
01:03:39,760 --> 01:03:44,080
Speaker 1: I want you all to get this book. Man. This

973
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:48,760
Speaker 1: book will help you to identify your core values. Not

974
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 1: only will it help you identify your core values and

975
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 1: create your core values, but it will teach you what

976
01:03:53,760 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 1: love really is.

977
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 2: I start the book off and I have to.

978
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:05,760
Speaker 1: Identify the eight types of love. Cow of y'all have

979
01:04:05,800 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 1: heard of the eight types of love? A god pay,

980
01:04:10,080 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 1: A god pay. Love is love with our conditions. I

981
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:17,200
Speaker 1: break down how that shows up. Eros are arrows, the

982
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:24,280
Speaker 1: passionate but fleeting love, ludus the love of playfulness for mania.

983
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,640
Speaker 1: When love becomes obsession, we see a lot of that

984
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 1: and lifetime movies philateia. That's called your self love. So

985
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:40,640
Speaker 1: a lot of people we hear a lot about that,

986
01:04:40,760 --> 01:04:44,520
Speaker 1: especially with single women. As we focus on self love,

987
01:04:47,440 --> 01:04:49,760
Speaker 1: my stomach growling can y'all hear that my stomach growling.

988
01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:53,480
Speaker 1: But that's self love that's extremely important, and a lot

989
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 1: of men we need to really understand what self love

990
01:04:55,680 --> 01:05:00,560
Speaker 1: is too, and focus on self love, Philia, the love

991
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:04,080
Speaker 1: of friends. You know, those that visit Philadelphia know about

992
01:05:04,120 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 1: Philadelphia the brotherly city.

993
01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:09,240
Speaker 2: That's where they get that from.

994
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 1: Pragma, the love that last story, gay, the family bond

995
01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:18,120
Speaker 1: that shapes us. And those are the eight types of love.

996
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,800
Speaker 1: And so I want y'all to become students of love,

997
01:05:22,040 --> 01:05:24,480
Speaker 1: to learn what love looks like when it shows up

998
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 1: in your life. Always talk about when you meet a

999
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:31,080
Speaker 1: particular guy and you like, I think he really loved me.

1000
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:33,120
Speaker 1: He loved me, but all he wants to do is

1001
01:05:33,160 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 1: Netflix and chill and smash. You know, he's pre zening

1002
01:05:37,680 --> 01:05:40,840
Speaker 1: Arrow's love, the erotic love, but he's not giving you

1003
01:05:40,920 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 1: that a goadpe love. And you find yourself getting frustrated, mad, upset,

1004
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 1: sad because you're not getting the type of love that

1005
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:52,160
Speaker 1: you want. You may have the type of love where

1006
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 1: somebody just sees you as a friend, you know, a brother,

1007
01:05:56,000 --> 01:06:00,280
Speaker 1: a sister, and you may try to transition that brotherlyuly

1008
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 1: relationship into a romantic relationship with a Student of Love,

1009
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:06,240
Speaker 1: I talk about that. I talk about sometimes when you're

1010
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:10,120
Speaker 1: trying to transition to love from a friend to fiance

1011
01:06:10,280 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 1: and it's not mutual, be okay with that, Be okay

1012
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:16,960
Speaker 1: with love not going the way that you expected to go,

1013
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 1: which I talk about Student of Love.

1014
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:22,360
Speaker 2: To rid yourself of expectation.

1015
01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:27,200
Speaker 1: When you meet people, don't have expectations, don't have expectations

1016
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:36,439
Speaker 1: on them. Let what is to be become, Let it evolve. Yeah, man,

1017
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:39,000
Speaker 1: want to have this conversation with you.

1018
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:42,520
Speaker 2: Oh, let me show you this. Let me show you

1019
01:06:42,520 --> 01:06:43,920
Speaker 2: what God did. So.

1020
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:45,720
Speaker 1: I used to work at the Dallas one of the

1021
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:48,160
Speaker 1: news in sales.

1022
01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:51,000
Speaker 2: It used to be years ago when I was.

1023
01:06:51,840 --> 01:06:54,800
Speaker 1: How long ages that I was twenty twenty one, twenty two,

1024
01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 1: And look what they did.

1025
01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:57,440
Speaker 2: They did a whole.

1026
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:01,560
Speaker 1: It's a second time they've done a cover story on

1027
01:07:01,720 --> 01:07:04,400
Speaker 1: me and the Dallas Worn News. They did one when

1028
01:07:04,440 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 1: I was doing my plays and I was torn plays.

1029
01:07:09,400 --> 01:07:10,560
Speaker 1: A lot of y'all don't know. I used to be

1030
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:13,600
Speaker 1: a national tour and playwright, director and producer. But they

1031
01:07:13,600 --> 01:07:16,760
Speaker 1: did a whole story on my book Student of Love,

1032
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:22,560
Speaker 1: and they talked about my marriage and wedding to my

1033
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:29,400
Speaker 1: beautiful bride. Can I just encourage y'all that whatever you're

1034
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:33,400
Speaker 1: believing God for in twenty twenty six, that God can

1035
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 1: do it everything and anything but fail, He could do

1036
01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:47,720
Speaker 1: it every and anything but fail. Do you really believe that?

1037
01:07:49,240 --> 01:07:51,360
Speaker 1: I know you probably sit in church services and you

1038
01:07:51,440 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 1: hear it. Oh God can do everything but fail, but

1039
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 1: you feel like He's failed you. I need you to

1040
01:07:59,600 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 1: a ju 's your mindset? The Bible says, as a

1041
01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:09,680
Speaker 1: man thinketh, so is he. When I start the Dear

1042
01:08:09,720 --> 01:08:12,160
Speaker 1: Few Dwife podcast, I know I was creating. I had

1043
01:08:12,200 --> 01:08:14,920
Speaker 1: no idea, I didn't have a clue. I said, what

1044
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:17,040
Speaker 1: I will do and when I have control over is

1045
01:08:17,080 --> 01:08:20,439
Speaker 1: my healing. I don't have no control over how many

1046
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:23,519
Speaker 1: people watch the podcast, how many views each episode gets,

1047
01:08:23,720 --> 01:08:26,840
Speaker 1: how many subscribers I get on the YouTube channel, have

1048
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 1: no control over that. But what I do have control

1049
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,400
Speaker 1: over is my healing. So I create the Dear FU

1050
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:35,320
Speaker 1: Uwife podcast as my personal journey to discover, uncover and

1051
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:39,240
Speaker 1: recover love that I have control over. And so I

1052
01:08:39,320 --> 01:08:42,400
Speaker 1: want you to take control over the things you have

1053
01:08:42,479 --> 01:08:44,479
Speaker 1: control over and the things you don't.

1054
01:08:45,000 --> 01:08:45,759
Speaker 2: Give it to God?

1055
01:08:46,400 --> 01:08:51,439
Speaker 1: Why his word declares, cast all your cares on me,

1056
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:56,760
Speaker 1: because I care for you. He cares for you, He

1057
01:08:56,800 --> 01:09:02,160
Speaker 1: loves you, he adores you, and he wants the best

1058
01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 1: for you. He has plans to prosper you. Give you

1059
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:09,720
Speaker 1: a great future, give you a great reward. Do you

1060
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:12,320
Speaker 1: believe that? I want you to believe that. I want

1061
01:09:12,360 --> 01:09:16,759
Speaker 1: you to be encouraged. I want you to set goals

1062
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:22,200
Speaker 1: this year, set intentions this year, intentions on matters of

1063
01:09:22,200 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 1: the heart, and start speaking it. I remember Faith Jenkins,

1064
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:30,759
Speaker 1: good buddy of mine, said that she put sticky notes

1065
01:09:30,800 --> 01:09:33,000
Speaker 1: all on her window, I mean out a window in

1066
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:36,040
Speaker 1: her mirror in her bathroom when she was single. She

1067
01:09:36,080 --> 01:09:37,920
Speaker 1: was like, I'm tired of going through I don't want

1068
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:40,559
Speaker 1: to go through another heartbreak. I'm sick of it. And

1069
01:09:40,680 --> 01:09:45,000
Speaker 1: she puts sticky notes up and just started declaring what

1070
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:47,880
Speaker 1: her husband would be, who she would be, what she wanted.

1071
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:51,800
Speaker 1: And then she met my buddy Kenny Lattimore. It was

1072
01:09:51,800 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 1: hooked up by Aaron. Lindsey had a little hook up

1073
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:57,960
Speaker 1: and said, I got somebody I want you to meet.

1074
01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:03,240
Speaker 1: Matter of fact, leave a comment if you prefer being

1075
01:10:03,240 --> 01:10:05,360
Speaker 1: hooked up? Would you prefer instead of being on these

1076
01:10:05,439 --> 01:10:08,880
Speaker 1: dating apps or trying to figure out these things in

1077
01:10:08,920 --> 01:10:12,439
Speaker 1: these social media streets. Would you prefer somebody connecting you

1078
01:10:12,800 --> 01:10:17,400
Speaker 1: somebody I call it referral referral based dating. Would you

1079
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:22,280
Speaker 1: prefer that? Leave a comment. Listen, I'm not going to

1080
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:26,240
Speaker 1: continue just being before y'all, but I did want to

1081
01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:28,720
Speaker 1: just leave that with y'all. Hopefull y'all got value out

1082
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:32,120
Speaker 1: of this episode. Hopefully you go out get the book

1083
01:10:32,120 --> 01:10:35,800
Speaker 1: Student of Love, get the audiobook Student of Love. Let's

1084
01:10:35,920 --> 01:10:40,639
Speaker 1: make this book a huge success, and not just because

1085
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:45,719
Speaker 1: of numbers, but because of the fact that I chase service.

1086
01:10:46,120 --> 01:10:47,200
Speaker 2: I want to serve you.

1087
01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:49,120
Speaker 1: I want this book to serve your love life, to

1088
01:10:49,200 --> 01:10:52,600
Speaker 1: serve your even platonic relationships, so that we can do

1089
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,720
Speaker 1: relationships better and we can grow, we can heal, we

1090
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:57,479
Speaker 1: can create a legacy of love that we all can

1091
01:10:57,560 --> 01:11:01,360
Speaker 1: with your black, White, Hispanic, Asian. And then I want

1092
01:11:01,439 --> 01:11:04,920
Speaker 1: us all to be able to meet in the classroom

1093
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,640
Speaker 1: of love and do love a whole lot better. It's

1094
01:11:07,680 --> 01:11:10,320
Speaker 1: too much bickering in these social media streets. It's too

1095
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:15,479
Speaker 1: much fighting, it's too much animosity and hatred. I want

1096
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:20,080
Speaker 1: us to be conduits of love. Matter of fact, I'll

1097
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:32,440
Speaker 1: leave y'all with this, this last little bit I'll leave this.

1098
01:11:32,439 --> 01:11:35,760
Speaker 1: This is for the readers of this book. May your

1099
01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:39,200
Speaker 1: life be a love letter written by God's own hand.

1100
01:11:40,000 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 1: May any lesson that challenges you in larger capacity, and

1101
01:11:44,080 --> 01:11:48,680
Speaker 1: may your territory expand. May warring Angel stand guard to

1102
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:52,439
Speaker 1: shield and protect you from every fiery dart. May you

1103
01:11:52,520 --> 01:11:59,240
Speaker 1: love without fear, heal without shame, and build without borders.

1104
01:11:59,800 --> 01:12:03,840
Speaker 1: And when people meet you, may they say they encountered

1105
01:12:03,880 --> 01:12:08,920
Speaker 1: more than a person. They encountered love itself. Because when

1106
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:13,920
Speaker 1: you carry God's love, you don't just change relationships, you

1107
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:20,920
Speaker 1: change the world. But Terra Sarwickfield, thank you for indulging

1108
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:24,040
Speaker 1: me in this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast.

1109
01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:27,719
Speaker 1: Next week I'll be dropping the episode with Christian Bevere,

1110
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:31,240
Speaker 1: she's the host of Dear Future Husband. And then the

1111
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:36,439
Speaker 1: episode after that, my lovely wife, Ashley Whitfield will be

1112
01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:42,120
Speaker 1: joining me back on the podcast. And yeah, it's gonna

1113
01:12:42,120 --> 01:12:45,520
Speaker 1: be an amazing adventure. We'll be doing the podcast in Detroit,

1114
01:12:46,760 --> 01:12:49,880
Speaker 1: so everybody out there and the d make sure you

1115
01:12:49,880 --> 01:12:51,880
Speaker 1: pull up. It's going to be an amazing event. There

1116
01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:54,839
Speaker 1: will be a link in the description to get tickets,

1117
01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:58,400
Speaker 1: So get your tickets now, get it early because it

1118
01:12:58,479 --> 01:13:01,360
Speaker 1: will sell out. And when you see this panel, when

1119
01:13:01,400 --> 01:13:04,680
Speaker 1: you see how this event is going to be, Oh,

1120
01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:06,840
Speaker 1: it's going to be really really dope. So it's gonna

1121
01:13:06,840 --> 01:13:11,280
Speaker 1: be Student of Love again at one then, Dear Future

1122
01:13:11,320 --> 01:13:14,400
Speaker 1: wifey podcast, what we're gonna do. Dear Future Wife and

1123
01:13:14,400 --> 01:13:17,760
Speaker 1: Student of Love. We have a matt Nae show and

1124
01:13:17,880 --> 01:13:20,280
Speaker 1: a show in the evening time at the Fisher Theater.

1125
01:13:20,640 --> 01:13:23,799
Speaker 1: So make sure link in the description get your tickets

1126
01:13:23,960 --> 01:13:27,720
Speaker 1: right now and we will see you in Detroit. And

1127
01:13:28,040 --> 01:13:32,599
Speaker 1: upcoming dates will be announced as they come available. Go

1128
01:13:32,680 --> 01:13:35,840
Speaker 1: to Studentolove dot com for the itinerary. And those that

1129
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:38,599
Speaker 1: been wanting the jackets, the Letterman jackets, you can get

1130
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:42,679
Speaker 1: that at Dear Futurewifi dot com to get your Letterman jacket.

1131
01:13:42,880 --> 01:13:48,799
Speaker 1: God bless you, and remember don't stop loving Ladarim thrust

1132
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:53,280
Speaker 1: it suddenly into child protective Services. In twenty fifteen, my nephew,

1133
01:13:53,840 --> 01:13:57,760
Speaker 1: Black a boy the likelihood have been adopted outside of

1134
01:13:57,840 --> 01:14:03,920
Speaker 1: kinship slim to none Rmione, sixteen years old, black a

1135
01:14:04,000 --> 01:14:07,200
Speaker 1: boy with five years in the Falter care system before

1136
01:14:07,200 --> 01:14:11,000
Speaker 1: I even knew his name. The likelihood have ever been adopted.

1137
01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:14,320
Speaker 2: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

1138
01:14:15,840 --> 01:14:18,839
Speaker 1: While Laderian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely

1139
01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:22,360
Speaker 1: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system, I

1140
01:14:22,439 --> 01:14:25,760
Speaker 1: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been

1141
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:28,000
Speaker 1: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1142
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:29,200
Speaker 1: was doing well in college.

1143
01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:31,320
Speaker 2: It was my time to live my life right.

1144
01:14:32,360 --> 01:14:32,639
Speaker 5: Wrong.

1145
01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:39,559
Speaker 1: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just too many

1146
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:43,200
Speaker 1: of our Black children stuck in ambiguity and in the

1147
01:14:43,240 --> 01:14:46,680
Speaker 1: limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I

1148
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:48,720
Speaker 1: legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

1149
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:51,840
Speaker 2: Fast forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to

1150
01:14:51,880 --> 01:14:52,479
Speaker 2: this other.

1151
01:14:52,320 --> 01:14:54,920
Speaker 1: Young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt

1152
01:14:55,000 --> 01:14:58,439
Speaker 1: him also in an babe starting over with parenting should

1153
01:14:58,520 --> 01:15:01,120
Speaker 1: have been enough. Right, Working with various foster care and

1154
01:15:01,160 --> 01:15:04,679
Speaker 1: adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young

1155
01:15:04,760 --> 01:15:07,880
Speaker 1: Black Kings and the Falster care system should have decreased

1156
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:08,680
Speaker 1: my agitation.

1157
01:15:08,880 --> 01:15:09,080
Speaker 2: Right.

1158
01:15:09,800 --> 01:15:12,360
Speaker 1: Joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and

1159
01:15:12,560 --> 01:15:16,040
Speaker 1: organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in

1160
01:15:16,120 --> 01:15:20,719
Speaker 1: Falseter care should have led to some type of resolve right. No,

1161
01:15:20,760 --> 01:15:23,679
Speaker 1: not at all. None of it felt like I had

1162
01:15:23,760 --> 01:15:28,320
Speaker 1: done enough. I now realized that every one of those

1163
01:15:28,400 --> 01:15:32,240
Speaker 1: experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

1164
01:15:33,160 --> 01:15:37,320
Speaker 1: Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royale would be a luxury, state of.

1165
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:38,960
Speaker 2: The art home for foster boys.

1166
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:42,480
Speaker 1: Our first location will be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex.

1167
01:15:42,600 --> 01:15:46,200
Speaker 1: We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity,

1168
01:15:46,520 --> 01:15:50,240
Speaker 1: empowers them to advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding

1169
01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:55,200
Speaker 1: new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible.

1170
01:15:56,320 --> 01:15:56,519
Speaker 2: Though.

1171
01:15:56,520 --> 01:15:58,760
Speaker 1: The young Kings will attend the local public schools that

1172
01:15:58,800 --> 01:16:02,040
Speaker 1: are in proximity that King of Royal. Our at home

1173
01:16:02,080 --> 01:16:05,719
Speaker 1: curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts,

1174
01:16:05,840 --> 01:16:10,600
Speaker 1: attending various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted

1175
01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:15,400
Speaker 1: discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts, introducing

1176
01:16:15,439 --> 01:16:18,639
Speaker 1: them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our

1177
01:16:18,720 --> 01:16:22,720
Speaker 1: animals on our form and on site stables. We just

1178
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:26,240
Speaker 1: launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising

1179
01:16:26,280 --> 01:16:27,439
Speaker 1: two point eight million dollars.

1180
01:16:27,479 --> 01:16:28,960
Speaker 2: Now why two point eight million dollars?

1181
01:16:29,760 --> 01:16:32,120
Speaker 1: Well, in twenty seventeen, I created a web series in

1182
01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:35,439
Speaker 1: which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the

1183
01:16:35,439 --> 01:16:38,559
Speaker 1: homeless community. One of the most notable successes was that

1184
01:16:38,600 --> 01:16:44,120
Speaker 1: one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

1185
01:16:44,439 --> 01:16:46,639
Speaker 1: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

1186
01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:50,040
Speaker 1: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

1187
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:54,320
Speaker 1: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with

1188
01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:57,960
Speaker 1: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

1189
01:16:58,000 --> 01:17:00,960
Speaker 1: I knew if at that time just ten percent of

1190
01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:03,840
Speaker 1: the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at

1191
01:17:03,920 --> 01:17:07,439
Speaker 1: least two point eight million dollars that could have really

1192
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:10,519
Speaker 1: established long term support for the homeless community, or at

1193
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:12,680
Speaker 1: least started a long term.

1194
01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:14,360
Speaker 2: Initiative to do so.

1195
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:19,080
Speaker 1: This is my due over, this is our new beginning. Together,

1196
01:17:19,400 --> 01:17:22,679
Speaker 1: we can attack this at the route by specifically helping

1197
01:17:22,800 --> 01:17:27,680
Speaker 1: our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in

1198
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:31,559
Speaker 1: the American fossil care system. I'm a Terisarwickfield. I've been

1199
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:34,880
Speaker 1: nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work with the

1200
01:17:34,920 --> 01:17:39,480
Speaker 1: homeless as well as my personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades,

1201
01:17:40,040 --> 01:17:44,320
Speaker 1: the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure

1202
01:17:44,520 --> 01:17:49,680
Speaker 1: for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details,

1203
01:17:50,200 --> 01:18:00,599
Speaker 1: Crown of King and make a donation today. I hope

1204
01:18:00,640 --> 01:18:03,400
Speaker 1: you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast.

1205
01:18:03,560 --> 01:18:09,080
Speaker 1: Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.

1206
01:18:09,520 --> 01:18:12,519
Speaker 1: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future WIFEI YouTube channel.

1207
01:18:12,680 --> 01:18:16,200
Speaker 1: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

1208
01:18:16,439 --> 01:18:19,280
Speaker 2: Be welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your

1209
01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:20,040
Speaker 2: friends and family.