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Speaker 1: Buckle up. Anything can happen here. Tell you Hammer.

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Speaker 2: And Nigel present Caller Roulette.

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Speaker 1: So unresponsible respected radio programs. You call in to talk

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Speaker 1: to the hosts, the producer will get your name, they'll

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Speaker 1: find out what you want to talk about. They'll even

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Speaker 1: coach you up a little bit. We don't do any

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Speaker 1: of that around here. Nah. We don't really take calls

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Speaker 1: a lot. But when we do, we fly by the

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Speaker 1: seat of our pants. All we have is a name.

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Speaker 1: We have no idea what these people want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: On the other side of this phone bank. We call

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Speaker 1: a caller Roulette. Considering how well we do on this show,

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Speaker 1: Nige and all of the money that we bring in,

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Speaker 1: this is a really dangerous and.

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Speaker 2: Bad idea pretty much. Even that last segment wasn't you know?

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Speaker 2: Are you okay with this?

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Speaker 1: Wasn't that hot? No, we're going to try to know.

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Speaker 2: We're going to try to make up for it by

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Speaker 2: doing Collar Roulette.

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Speaker 1: We are limping to the finish. My friend, if you

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Speaker 1: are on hold, you guys know the rules. Keep it brief,

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Speaker 1: don't swear. Allison is the dump button ready? I guess

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Speaker 1: let's rock and roll. Jason is up first. Jason what's

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Speaker 1: up man.

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Speaker 3: Hi guys, I just wanted to tell you a quick

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Speaker 3: story about a topic you were talking about the other

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Speaker 3: day when you were talking about people who held grudges

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Speaker 3: for a long periods of time. Okay, I am currently

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Speaker 3: fifty seven years old. I got in a street fight

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Speaker 3: with a neighbor kid when I was ten years old.

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Speaker 3: Fast forward to about a year ago, my wife got

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Speaker 3: a Facebook message from a guy who said, Hey, is

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Speaker 3: your husband's name Jason, and said my last name? She said,

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Speaker 3: yes it is. He said, well, my friend just said

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Speaker 3: that he got in a fight with him when he

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Speaker 3: was a kid, and he unfriended me. So this guy

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Speaker 3: has shut the grudge against me for almost fifty years

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Speaker 3: over something that happened when we were children.

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Speaker 2: Are you sure, Jason Hammer, I was gonna say I

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Speaker 2: kind of respect it, to be honest, man, I kind

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Speaker 2: of appreciate the uh, the level of pettiness that's required

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Speaker 2: to do the research, talk to somebody and then do

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Speaker 2: it right to your face. Dude, my co host can

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Speaker 2: hold a grudge, trust me.

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Speaker 1: It's not my best quality, I admit, but man, I

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Speaker 1: can't help myself. It's the inner hick that comes out.

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Speaker 1: Jason my man. I appreciate you. John is up next. John,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show.

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Speaker 4: Hey, how you got doing tonight?

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Speaker 1: Great brother?

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Speaker 4: Good Hey, I had a question. You know, if you

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Speaker 4: drove yourself to walmartn't want you. You probably get there twice.

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Speaker 4: I'm just using Walmart. I don't care about them. What's

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Speaker 4: up with NASA and not being able to go to

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Speaker 4: the Moon anytime soon. I don't understand that they forget

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Speaker 4: how to get there.

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Speaker 1: I do you want to jump on this one?

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Speaker 5: I mean.

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Speaker 2: I could hide in my car and go two miles

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Speaker 2: down the road and go to Walmart. Going to the

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Speaker 2: moon is a tad more complicated, right.

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Speaker 4: Well, I mean so you're asking, well, you know, I mean,

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Speaker 4: I'm sure they're not going in aluminum oil as much

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Speaker 4: as they did in the last time. But I just

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Speaker 4: don't understand why it seems to be so difficult.

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Speaker 2: Is it important for you to go to the moon?

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Speaker 2: Is it important for the United States? So?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, fair enough, of course, fair enough for a tricky

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Speaker 1: Thank you for that. It's a tricky John. John likes

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Speaker 1: Star Trek and he's pissed off or not at the Moon.

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Speaker 1: We opened the segment up. We were thinking somebody wants

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Speaker 1: to talk about ferendums. Maybe somebody wants to get into

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Speaker 1: Eric Kirk, you know, not really wanting an apology from

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Speaker 1: Jimmy Kimmel, and we so far we've got a fifty

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Speaker 1: year old grudge and a Trekkie that's pissed off for

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Speaker 1: not doing more stuff with the Moon. I love this segment, man,

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Speaker 1: this is awesome. They're not doing this in any other show,

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Speaker 1: is it okay?

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Speaker 6: Eric?

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Speaker 1: Is up next? Eric, Welcome to The Hammer and Nigel Show.

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Speaker 1: What's up?

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Speaker 7: Hey, what's happening? Guys? So things real quick? Statistically speaking,

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Speaker 7: two percent of all US presidents has slept with their subordinates.

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Speaker 7: What do you think about that?

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Speaker 1: I think that's a little on the low side. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be honest with you. I know at least one,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to bet there's a lot more.

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Speaker 7: And second thing, Micah Parsons for League MVP this year

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Speaker 7: to heck with Sauce Gardner.

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Speaker 1: Michah Parsons bad man, bad bad man, now Defensive Player

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Speaker 1: of the Year. I'll give that to you maybe, but MVP.

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Speaker 1: I'm still hitching my wagon right now to the Jonathan Taylor.

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Speaker 1: It was an off week last week the wheels fell off.

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Speaker 1: But Jonathan Taylor, that's my guy. It's hard for a

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Speaker 1: running back to win the MVP Award. It's kind of

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Speaker 1: a quarterback's award, right, same thing with the Heisman Trophy.

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Speaker 1: But every once in a while you get a Travis

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Speaker 1: Hunter like last year, or you get a Jonathan Taylor

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Speaker 1: like this year that's got a chance to do it.

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Speaker 1: Heisman Trophy winner was a receiver and a defensive back

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Speaker 1: last year and this year. I know everybody's talking about

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Speaker 1: Drake may and Baker Mayfield. I'm still in on the

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Speaker 1: JT train. Joseph is up next. Joseph, what's the Hammer

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Speaker 1: and Nigel show?

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Speaker 8: Hey?

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Speaker 6: What are you doing?

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Speaker 8: Brother?

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Speaker 6: A long time list? Her first time Coloray Allison, you

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Speaker 6: gotta set this up so it's Nigel and Hammer at

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Speaker 6: the zoo and you got to pay money to feed

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Speaker 6: the monkeys and the throat poop at them and let

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Speaker 6: them do what they do.

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Speaker 9: Wait, wait, so we let the we put them in

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Speaker 9: the cage with the monkeys.

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Speaker 6: Well that's excellent, Yes, are we are?

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Speaker 10: Hammer just wants poo thrown at you?

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Speaker 4: Guys?

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Speaker 2: Are Hammer and I throwing the poo or the monkeys.

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Speaker 6: To feed? These feed these monkeys so long that when

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Speaker 6: you come by that they're gonna throw something at you

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Speaker 6: or do something. But all of a sudden, you are

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Speaker 6: dirty minded or who said that? Somebody's dirty minded?

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Speaker 1: Thanks Joseph, I appreciate that.

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Speaker 10: Oh, I see what he did. They're dirty because it's pooh.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 9: Maybe maybe if I were to open a hammer, Nigel

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Speaker 9: petting zoo, I would charge people, you know how, like

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Speaker 9: you can buy feeding so you can give like flamingos

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Speaker 9: or birds food. I would I would sell beers so

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Speaker 9: people would buy beer for you, and they'd hold it

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Speaker 9: up to you and be like, here, it's a Miller

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Speaker 9: light hammer.

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Speaker 1: It scratched me behind the and their head. I'm okay

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Speaker 1: with the monkey flinging poo as long as I can

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Speaker 1: throw mine back, Like I want to teach the monkey

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Speaker 1: eye for an eye. Like if the monkey wants to

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Speaker 1: throw poo at me, that's fine. I get it. He's

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Speaker 1: a wild creature in the jungle. But you know what,

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Speaker 1: so am I. So I'm gonna have much bigger logs

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Speaker 1: to chuck at that.

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Speaker 2: Little fits Seinfeld episode about that.

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Speaker 1: You stop it. So that's where the line was drawn.

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Speaker 1: Allison all the things we've said on this show. That's

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Speaker 1: the line that's broken you.

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Speaker 10: Yes, the image of you throwing your own turns.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Actually that may have broken me too, if

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Speaker 2: you wanted me to be completely honest.

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Speaker 1: Steve is up next, Steve with the Hammer and Nigel Show.

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Speaker 8: Okay, I'm a spoiler rich guy, but I'm really spoiled

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Speaker 8: when I watch TV. I like to be able to

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Speaker 8: rewind it. Somebody needs to invent something, or I can

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Speaker 8: rewind the radio so when I missed something, I can

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Speaker 8: play it back again.

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Speaker 2: Well there's the podcast, I agree, Yeah, and YouTube as well.

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Speaker 6: I'm in the car.

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Speaker 5: I'm in the car.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, if you're in the car and you remember

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Speaker 1: what was funny, what you'd like to rewind. I know

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Speaker 1: it sounds like a lot of work, and trust me,

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Speaker 1: I'm the last guy that likes to do a lot

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Speaker 1: of work. But uh yeah, get the podcast, go on

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Speaker 1: YouTube and you can go back, rewind it and listen

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Speaker 1: to all the dirty things Nige says, all the things

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Speaker 1: Allison does, all the vaping mat Bear does.

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Speaker 2: Never have said anything dirty.

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Speaker 1: Steve, what do you did you say? You're a spoiled

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Speaker 1: rich guy.

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Speaker 2: Is that what you said, old guy.

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Speaker 8: Spoiled old guy.

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Speaker 1: Oh, oh, spoiled old guy. Okay, okay, I thought you

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Speaker 1: said rich. What do you do for a living? Stage,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna count Okay, so you might be a rich guy,

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Speaker 1: you might be living. Yeah, it's pretty solid. Respectable work man, Steve.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you. Let's go to Chuck, Chuck, Welcome to

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Speaker 1: the Hammer of Nigel.

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Speaker 11: Yeah, what's up, hey, guys, just I was thinking, and

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Speaker 11: you had a story earlier about the lady that was

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Speaker 11: like hitting the crack pipe when she was on oxygen.

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Speaker 12: Yes, and she could make a comeback.

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Speaker 11: Yeah, she can come back.

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Speaker 12: I mean Cryer made a comeback after something like that happened.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, with that Blew came back.

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Speaker 12: It's highly possible. I really I want to say something though.

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Speaker 12: I mean, right after nine to eleven, there was this

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Speaker 12: little joke that was going around. It was like twenty

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Speaker 12: five years after nine to eleven. A father and son

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Speaker 12: are walking to New York City and they see this

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Speaker 12: big monument and the little boy looks at dad and

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Speaker 12: he says, hey, Dad.

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Speaker 6: What's that.

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Speaker 12: He said, Well, it's the monument they built for the

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Speaker 12: Twin Towers. And the little boy says what were the

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Speaker 12: twin towers? And so there were these two huge buildings

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Speaker 12: that stood up until these these Arab terrorists flew into him,

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Speaker 12: and the little boy says, Dad, what are Arab terrorists?

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Speaker 12: And twenty five years later, here we are. It makes

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Speaker 12: you wonder, doesn't it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, there's a lot to unpack in that story there, Chuck.

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Speaker 1: I'll let the audience kind of make their own decisions

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Speaker 1: on that one, which is fancy talk for I'm not

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Speaker 1: touching that one with a ten footfall us there. Let

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Speaker 1: me not, because I don't understand what he's trying to say.

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Speaker 1: This is about mom Damie possibly winning the mayoral race

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Speaker 1: in New York tonight. Okay, that's where I think he

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Speaker 1: was trying to go. But you know, there's some things

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Speaker 1: that you and I Nige have to tread lightly on

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Speaker 1: as professional broadcasters. Eggshells if you will, Charles, You know what, Charles,

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Speaker 1: you get to bring us home? What's up? Charles?

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Speaker 11: Well?

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Speaker 5: All right, well, God bless you guys, and of course

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Speaker 5: Alison and mistress of all media on Earth. You know,

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Speaker 5: every time you turn around, we've got another Sydney Sidney

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Speaker 5: Sweeney promoting her the movies plus promoting her promoters, of course,

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Speaker 5: but if you dig up, I know I can sneak

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Speaker 5: that one and I'll keep her breast of this anyway.

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Speaker 5: The Quinton Tarantino's movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

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Speaker 5: come out in twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 7: Love it.

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Speaker 5: I think it might be the first time she was

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Speaker 5: ever on film. When old Brad Pitt brings the hitchhiker

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Speaker 5: gurl to the Respawning ranch, which is Manson, girls are loaded,

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Speaker 5: there's a squeaky Foam tells his other girl named Snake,

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Speaker 5: go see who that is, and guess who that snake

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Speaker 5: girl is. It's Sydney herself, like a little cheeni bopper

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Speaker 5: before and there's been people talking about, oh she's had

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Speaker 5: plastic knock.

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Speaker 2: That out because I loved it.

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Speaker 5: That was before you pore you, of course, but that's

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Speaker 5: another But here's the catch. She don't take her clothes

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Speaker 5: off if there's anybody. Yeah, but she plays a cute

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Speaker 5: but watch her eyes as she walks by brad Pitt's

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Speaker 5: because that was one of the earliest things she said

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Speaker 5: she ever involved. She was told hate the person that

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Speaker 5: you're looking at, and she said she almost broke her

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Speaker 5: art having to look meant at Brad Pitt what oh what?

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Speaker 5: What acting right there, folks? But Allison's still best. There

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Speaker 5: is still the best on the ears. We'll leave it

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Speaker 5: at Fad. But anyway, that once upon a time in Hollywood,

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Speaker 5: if you have never seen it, uh, it was Taran

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Speaker 5: Judah actually twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 2: I think it was time to hang up on Charles.

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Speaker 10: That was an interesting fact though.

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Speaker 1: Remember earlier when I said, we're limping to the finish,

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Speaker 1: Thanks Charles, We're crawling, We're this is like Rosie O'Donnell

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Speaker 1: on the treadmill. That is where the show is gone.

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Speaker 10: I kind of like my hammer on Nigel Pettings idea.

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Speaker 1: As long as I can throw a poop, it's the

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Speaker 1: Hammer and Nigel show.