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Speaker 1: This man drafted up a purity contract, which means keep

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Speaker 1: your hands off my daughter.

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Speaker 2: You feel like I was doing too much.

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Speaker 3: I was surprised when it didn't come earlier.

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Speaker 4: We have our daughter and our son in love the

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Speaker 4: terrier and told past, oh my grand baby Claire.

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Speaker 2: Look at you.

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Speaker 4: During the wedding, you heard some negative people talk about

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Speaker 4: see his daughter ain't there. She don't approve of this marriage.

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Speaker 4: What would you like to say to that?

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Speaker 5: That's so silly. My dad is my best friend. I

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Speaker 5: love Ashley. She's so kind, she's sweet. You just feel

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Speaker 5: like a safe space. So I think it's very silly.

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Speaker 5: And everyone thought that I did not support this because

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Speaker 5: I was the first person to be able to see

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Speaker 5: this transpired and I had a baby Claire was three months.

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Speaker 5: Because I've had people say, well, why could they just

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Speaker 5: postpone it, I'm like, postpone their wedding.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what made you marry this woman?

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Speaker 3: We became adults together through all of that.

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Speaker 1: You get to learn pretty quick if the person massiges

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Speaker 1: was the right person. And I knew, even when I

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Speaker 1: didn't have the money to do it, I proposed I say,

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Speaker 1: I'll figure out the rest of that later on, I

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Speaker 1: had a very inexpensive.

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Speaker 5: Perspective around that.

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Speaker 6: A lot of young men are afraid to propose because

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Speaker 6: they feel like they can't.

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Speaker 5: Afford to well.

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Speaker 1: People hear cheap, they hear one thousand, they hear two thousand.

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Speaker 1: It couldn't have been more than like one hundred and

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Speaker 1: fifty dollars.

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Speaker 4: I want to salute you as a man for covering

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Speaker 4: my daughter property. I would be remiss if I didn't

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Speaker 4: celebrate you this Father's Day.

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Speaker 3: I see a logo in this bag hold on, but

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Speaker 3: well they'll go.

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Speaker 2: Do you see?

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Speaker 4: Letteria was born my senior year of high school, two

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Speaker 4: weeks before I walked across the stage. She came to

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Speaker 4: my graduation as a baby. That changed the trajector of

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Speaker 4: my life. I walked down the ol with her in

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Speaker 4: my arms. People are amazed by how transparent I am

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Speaker 4: on dear future wife, but it's because I started that

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Speaker 4: out in my private life. I remember a conversation that

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Speaker 4: you and I had where I first told you about

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Speaker 4: the infidelity that I had. The greatest thing I had

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Speaker 4: to do is confess my thoughts with someone that looked

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Speaker 4: at me like superman. You have been very open about

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Speaker 4: the journey of an angel.

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Speaker 5: Baby unpacked that you don't want to hear this part, Dad.

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Speaker 4: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

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Speaker 4: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

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Speaker 4: this day, the day I got married November twenty second,

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Speaker 4: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 7: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 7: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 7: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 4: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 4: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 2: You are the award, the.

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Speaker 4: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing

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Speaker 4: and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 7: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 7: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 4: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 4: I'm the Terisaar Whitfield.

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Speaker 5: I'm Ashley our Whitfield. Welcome to.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Diffuture Wife podcast. I'm your host.

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Speaker 6: Laterisar Wifield, and I'm Ashley are Witfield.

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Speaker 2: Listen? Are you still shacking up with us? Come on?

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Speaker 4: If you're still shacking up with us. We're season eleven.

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Speaker 4: Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure you turn

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Speaker 4: on your notification bell. She'll be notified about upcoming episodes.

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Speaker 2: Listen.

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Speaker 4: Ash and I were looking through the analytics a couple

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Speaker 4: of days ago, and.

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Speaker 2: What do we find.

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Speaker 6: We found that fifty two percent of you who tune

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Speaker 6: in every week are not subscribed.

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Speaker 2: So what's what's up with that?

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Speaker 5: What's up with that?

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Speaker 4: I know y'all want somebody to make a commitment to y'all,

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Speaker 4: but y'all haven't been making a commitment to the podcast

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Speaker 4: that has been healing you, that have been giving you

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Speaker 4: wisdom and knowledge on your relationship journey, whether you're married, single, divorce.

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Speaker 4: We do a lot of work making sure that we

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Speaker 4: put this content out consistently on a weekly basis, and

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Speaker 4: the least you can do is hit a subscription. But

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Speaker 4: and it's free. It's absolutely free. Let me tell you

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Speaker 4: why that's important. It's because a lot of advertisers.

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Speaker 2: We're signed to Urban one.

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Speaker 4: As a podcast network, and when they're trying to sell

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Speaker 4: ads for the podcast, they look at the subscribers. They

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Speaker 4: look at how many people are viewing daily and weekly,

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Speaker 4: and that's how they determine whether or not they want.

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Speaker 2: To support the podcast.

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Speaker 4: And if we can't get support, then guess what we

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Speaker 4: have to get off the air. So we need y'all

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Speaker 4: to do the small ask and hit that subscription button. Well,

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Speaker 4: today's episode is extremely special to us. This is going

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Speaker 4: to be a special Father's Day episode. And without further ado, Ashley,

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Speaker 4: who do we have?

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Speaker 2: We have?

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Speaker 4: She doesn't, she doesn't, she doesn't look at that says

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Speaker 4: she wanted to redo it so that she could introduce them.

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Speaker 2: But here we go. So without further.

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Speaker 4: Ado, we have our daughter and our son in the tear. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and tay Cosby.

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Speaker 5: Let's go.

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Speaker 2: Look at them. Oh my bad, I am being to

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Speaker 2: throw shade on you. Claire.

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Speaker 4: Hello, my granddaughter, my grand baby, Claire, Claire.

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Speaker 2: Look at you? How you doing, Claire?

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Speaker 5: And see how you doing?

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Speaker 4: Oh okay, okay, all right now you don't want it,

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Speaker 4: all right, So we're gonna try to do this as

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Speaker 4: much as possible with Claire in the episode.

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Speaker 2: How old is Claire, y'all?

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Speaker 5: She just turned ten months today. She is a ball

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Speaker 5: of fun and chaos.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, have you on the chaos?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? No, no, she should. I just switch back.

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Speaker 4: I'll just switched back and forth. As y'all keep going

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Speaker 4: back and forth, you can be with me. So let

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Speaker 4: me ask you this Latario, how do you feel being

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Speaker 4: on their Future WIFEI podcast?

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Speaker 3: Again?

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Speaker 4: You were on here with Laderian and ARMANI. How many

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Speaker 4: years ago?

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Speaker 5: Is that a long time? Like at the very beginning?

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Speaker 2: So it's like four years ago? Yeah, four or five

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Speaker 2: years ago?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a long time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. You weren't even married then, were you.

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Speaker 5: I don't think so.

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Speaker 2: No, you wasn't even married.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no, because I kept saying that I can't wait

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Speaker 4: to have y'all on as a cousin.

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Speaker 5: Yes, once we get married.

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Speaker 2: Hey, what made you marry this woman?

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Speaker 3: Starting there?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean there's tons of things that I can say.

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Speaker 1: But we've known each other for a very long time.

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Speaker 1: For anyone who doesn't know our story, we started dating

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Speaker 1: in high school back in twenty thirteen, but we've known

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Speaker 1: each other since we were in the seventh grade. So

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Speaker 1: there's been just so many experiences. We went off to

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Speaker 1: college together, we became adults together, and whether so many storms,

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Speaker 1: not our own making, just dealing with life and becoming adults.

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Speaker 1: And through all of that, I think you get to

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Speaker 1: learn pretty quick if the person besides you was the

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Speaker 1: right person.

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Speaker 3: And I knew, so even when I didn't have the money.

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Speaker 1: To do it, I proposed. I was like, I'll figure

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Speaker 1: out the rest of that later on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the story of how you came to be.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but out of all that, I just knew that's

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Speaker 1: what I wanted to be with. So I proposed. I

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Speaker 1: had a very inexpensive ring. I got what I could,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, we'll make the wedding thing work.

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Speaker 5: So can you put perspective around that?

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Speaker 6: Because a lot of young men are afraid to propose

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Speaker 6: because they feel like they can't afford to. So put

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Speaker 6: a little bit of like perspective around.

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Speaker 1: How it couldn't have been yeah, oh yeah, no, it

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Speaker 1: couldn't have been more than like one hundred and fifty dollars.

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Speaker 3: And that's gonna be like a huge shock.

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Speaker 1: Because when people hear cheap, they hear one thousand, they

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Speaker 1: hear two thousand.

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Speaker 3: Like that's not cheap, I mean actually cheap.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, So I think that goes to speak to

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Speaker 1: more of her as a woman. I can't just say

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Speaker 1: like four men and you know your partner, like for

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Speaker 1: some women, I think it to them, it is important,

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Speaker 1: Like they find value in the ring, like how big

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Speaker 1: the wedding is, Like all those things play a part

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Speaker 1: into like what they look and I've dreamed about their

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Speaker 1: entire life, so I can take that away from them.

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Speaker 1: But to her credit, she valued marriage above a wedding.

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Speaker 1: She valued marriage above the cost of a ring. She

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Speaker 1: was like, that's my person. That's why I want to

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Speaker 1: be with how we make that happen. We make that happen.

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Speaker 1: And at that time I wasn't as successful as I

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Speaker 1: am today.

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Speaker 3: So I think.

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Speaker 1: You, as a man, you get to really appreciate that perspective,

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Speaker 1: Like you get to really appreciate when somebody is like

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Speaker 1: I want you, the other stuff doesn't matter when that

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Speaker 1: seems to be different a lot of the time.

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Speaker 3: So I want to give more credit there. But if you.

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Speaker 1: Are self harming in that way, and you're just kind

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Speaker 1: of like self sabotaging and thinking that the money is

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Speaker 1: the problem, like don't let that blocker be there before

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Speaker 1: you actually proposed the idea, and if there's hesitation, then

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Speaker 1: it's there. But I just wouldn't like cut that off immediately.

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Speaker 1: I would have an open and honest conversations and be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you're my person. I want to be with you. This

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Speaker 1: is where we are right now. That's not where we'll

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Speaker 1: always be.

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Speaker 4: That part, Soltario, What made you have that philosophy?

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Speaker 5: I just liked him and I was tired I don't

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Speaker 5: want to say tired of being his girlfriend, because I

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Speaker 5: wasn't afraid I wasn't going to be able to be

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Speaker 5: with him. It just didn't matter to me. I just

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Speaker 5: knew I was going to spend the rest of my

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Speaker 5: life with him, and I knew it would be happy.

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Speaker 5: And that's just what I knew. So I wasn't worried

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Speaker 5: about like. I wasn't one of those girls who like

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Speaker 5: had a Pinterest board of like weddings or like rings

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Speaker 5: that I had in mind. I just found a man

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Speaker 5: that I love and that was enough for me, I guess.

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Speaker 2: And so money was never an issue for you, No,

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Speaker 2: it wasn't. And so and we talked about that about

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Speaker 2: the ring.

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Speaker 4: He first got the ring as a promise ring because

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Speaker 4: you had lost your promise ring, and so he went

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Speaker 4: to go replace it and then said, no, this is

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Speaker 4: the real thing. What made you pivot like that day?

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Speaker 1: You know, I think after being together for so long,

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Speaker 1: it feels like I was about to make a second promise,

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Speaker 1: Which what's the point in that? Like I made the

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Speaker 1: first promise the first time, and the gap in time

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Speaker 1: from her losing the promise ring to me getting the

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Speaker 1: second one, it's like we're not the same people. It's

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Speaker 1: when I initially made that first promise, and the new

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Speaker 1: promise felt like it was supposed to be something bigger.

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Speaker 3: It felt like it was supposed to be permanent.

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Speaker 1: So I felt crazy on the inside if I would

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Speaker 1: have tried to string her along with another promise ring,

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Speaker 1: and clearly the opportunity presented itself to be like no,

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Speaker 1: like do.

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Speaker 3: What you're supposed to do, like another promise ring. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's my third one.

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Speaker 5: But that's a good point. I was happy just to

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Speaker 5: get a new ring after losing one.

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Speaker 2: All right, So let's talk about this. Y'all got together

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Speaker 2: at what age? And how old are y'all?

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Speaker 5: Now we were seventeen, so our junior summer going into

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Speaker 5: senior year. So yeah, seventeen, and now we just turned

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Speaker 5: thirty a month and a half too.

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Speaker 2: I was supposed to have no boyfriend, No, no, no.

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Speaker 5: We've been this, you know, It's funny. Remember when I

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Speaker 5: was like he was gonna take man to day for

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Speaker 5: a one year anniversary. He was like one year or

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Speaker 5: what being together was? Had no boyfriend. I'm like that

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Speaker 5: this man has been picking me up for the past year.

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Speaker 5: We have had Valentine's Day, Christmas. What did you think

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Speaker 5: this was?

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Speaker 2: I was class you think that was?

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Speaker 4: I thought there was some friends that first of all. Literally,

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Speaker 4: so listen, it's not I'm slow slow. This is what

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Speaker 4: they told me, Like Tay she went to Booker t

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Speaker 4: He went to school way out and foreign, not for

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Speaker 4: interot and so they would they couldn't see each other.

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Speaker 5: We were seeing each other. How he was to see

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Speaker 5: me like weekly, maybe like twice sometimes.

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Speaker 2: Your senior year. Yeah, yeah, that was in your senior

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Speaker 2: hold On.

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Speaker 5: We started dating on your summer senior year. Senior whole

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Speaker 5: senior year we were together. We started dating in the summertime.

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Speaker 5: I was like our first couple of dates, like at

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Speaker 5: North Park or something. She said she was seventeen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm thinking, were you doing that when you was

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Speaker 2: at your mama house? No, I was. I know that

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Speaker 2: you would see, hold On said at North Park? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I remember.

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Speaker 4: Why do our only time I remember y'all seeing each

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Speaker 4: other is when the first time he asked to see

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Speaker 4: you was at school and he asked, could he stopped

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Speaker 4: by at school to come bring you a gift for

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Speaker 4: Valentine's Day.

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Speaker 5: That's when you decided to let him in your life,

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Speaker 5: I guess because you took me to the mall to

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Speaker 5: go see him in North Park and a friend.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, I took you there to go see if

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Speaker 4: my brain thinking he came and picked you up, and

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Speaker 4: I was like, that, ain't you took me there?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 2: I was like when I said I got to go

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Speaker 2: to that, I.

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Speaker 5: Said, I don't remember him coming, build up, pick me up?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, we didn't jump straight into that.

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Speaker 2: Yes, amen.

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Speaker 4: So y'all knew each other from the seventh grade. And

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Speaker 4: but seventh grade, y'all was just cool. Y'all were just friends.

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Speaker 5: Like him, well what was cool? But I liked him.

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Speaker 1: I was like, and then what you think the thing is?

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Speaker 1: This is where things get funny because I liked her

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Speaker 1: as well. But we were initially good friends.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, you don't know, like somebody's nice

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Speaker 3: to you, but we're cool, you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Like you don't want to break that and like kind

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Speaker 1: of make it awkward when things are going good, just

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Speaker 1: like they are.

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Speaker 3: So I never like acted on anything. And obviously no,

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Speaker 3: that is she So I think.

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Speaker 2: She's having what she want to do bottle.

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Speaker 3: Now we can try to get your bottle. Yeah, she

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Speaker 3: just wanted to live with her mama.

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Speaker 2: M she said, I want to.

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Speaker 5: Know, didn't actually great because you would have lost it.

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Speaker 4: It would have been here right now, be alive right now.

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Speaker 4: About this boy that she knew, that is so funny.

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Speaker 4: So in seventh grade, you you didn't know really what

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Speaker 4: it was. And one thing that I've always liked about

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Speaker 4: Tay is Tay was more on the side of the

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Speaker 4: nice guy, the little nerdy guy, the guy that wasn't

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Speaker 4: out there, you know, trying to date a bunch of

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Speaker 4: girls and all that. He was just a very He's

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Speaker 4: the guy that you want to take home to meet

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Speaker 4: your dad. So it's like, so when I met him,

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Speaker 4: I never was like, what are your intentions?

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Speaker 2: You know, I was never like that. I was just like,

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Speaker 2: this is a good dude.

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Speaker 8: Uh.

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Speaker 2: And we'll get to that a little later. But so

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Speaker 2: in the seventh grade, she was crushing on you. You

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00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,960
Speaker 2: didn't know what it was. You was like, let's be friends.

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Speaker 4: What happened going into the senior year of high school

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Speaker 4: that made y'all start whatever y'all was.

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Speaker 2: This is funny.

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Speaker 1: I know you're gonna want to jump into this for sure,

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Speaker 1: but so funny story is. I know, I don't know

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Speaker 1: where you want to start with this because I don't

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Speaker 1: know if.

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Speaker 5: You started talking, like literally, how we started talking again.

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Speaker 1: How we first came back to see each other. This

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Speaker 1: is the funny thing. So I'm in a summer engineering camp.

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Speaker 1: You're speaking to like nerdy camp. We're telling the whole story.

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Speaker 1: So I'm in summer engineering camp again, testament to the

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Speaker 1: nerdy kid, and I'm having a good time and enjoying

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Speaker 1: my life. Of course, young somebody is a little like

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Speaker 1: interested in me, so I end up dating somebody. We

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Speaker 1: get to the graduation ceremony and lo and behold this

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Speaker 1: girl that I'm dating ends up walking with no other militarium.

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Speaker 5: She was like my best friend were really cool?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was like, man, I me and that

339
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,280
Speaker 1: girl were like super cool back in the day, like

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00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 1: we had such a good friendship. Like I was like yeah, man,

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Speaker 1: Like I'll reach out to her later but again still

342
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:46,520
Speaker 1: thinking like I did, Like nothing came of it. She

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00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,560
Speaker 1: never like acted like she was interested in me, so

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, we're just friends, we'll talk whatever.

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Speaker 3: And of course, like that's how that kind of proceeded.

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Speaker 1: Time passed, no longer with that girl and from us

347
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,360
Speaker 1: just still being friends on social media and stuff like that.

348
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,520
Speaker 1: I end up dating different people and you got to

349
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Speaker 1: see the guy, yeah, as did she.

350
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Speaker 3: She wasn't just waiting on me.

351
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Speaker 1: And after you start seeing like the character of some

352
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Speaker 1: people and just kind of like how some people operate

353
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Speaker 1: through life. I was like, I feel like there was

354
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,480
Speaker 1: something back there, Like I'm like, maybe I'm tripping you

355
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,240
Speaker 1: start replaying all these memories and things like was that crazy?

356
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:20,680
Speaker 4: Was I not?

357
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:24,040
Speaker 1: So I end up texting him and I was like, hey,

358
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,360
Speaker 1: like never crossed that boundary before, but like I've liked you,

359
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 1: and like I felt like there might have been.

360
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Speaker 3: Something there, But.

361
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 1: I'm interested in getting to know you if you're interested

362
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Speaker 1: in getting know me. And she told me no, because

363
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Speaker 1: she had a boyfriend.

364
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:47,000
Speaker 5: Somebody only boyfriend that you would ever count, well, I

365
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:47,880
Speaker 5: don't count that boy.

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Speaker 4: Well, so that's what you told me, that boy don't

367
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Speaker 4: count you're talking about the woman with the church with us.

368
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Speaker 2: At that time.

369
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Speaker 5: I don't remember details. You want to let's go, Let's

370
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Speaker 5: go with him because I'm not like that. Boy don't

371
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Speaker 5: count Okay, okay, yeah, because this boy.

372
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,760
Speaker 4: Didn't count, man, and he was in number in Texas

373
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:13,960
Speaker 4: homeboy time about oh yeah he over here were going

374
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,680
Speaker 4: to church and all that he was talking so bad

375
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:20,359
Speaker 4: about me. Yeah, I saw it on his Facebook. I'm

376
00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,600
Speaker 4: in the I'm in the backseat. We over here going

377
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Speaker 4: to church and this is I said, Oh, that's all

378
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,680
Speaker 4: I love you to see. She ain't gonna be in

379
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:30,639
Speaker 4: a picture a whack dude. And then and then come

380
00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,520
Speaker 4: find out later wrong in life. I found out that

381
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 4: Tay never was taking the church like that. He walked

382
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,399
Speaker 4: himself to church. Yeah, so think about the memory that

383
00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,159
Speaker 4: I have. The first memory I talked about was you

384
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:45,960
Speaker 4: having a quote unquote boyfriend which don't count.

385
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Speaker 2: And this guy is upset that I invited him to

386
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Speaker 2: church with you.

387
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:55,120
Speaker 4: And then later on I found out that Tay found

388
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,800
Speaker 4: out it was a church down the street and walked

389
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Speaker 4: himself to church.

390
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,120
Speaker 2: You'll just sit sitting there.

391
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:05,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I hate her, boy, That's why I was dating

392
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,199
Speaker 5: at the time, but I'm not are So I was like, well,

393
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,360
Speaker 5: I have a boyfriend.

394
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: You know.

395
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 5: I respected that, Like what did you say? What was

396
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 5: your follow up text? Because that's the funny part. Yeah,

397
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,120
Speaker 5: she's a hunky.

398
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, she definitely was. It's a little bit. It's just

399
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,240
Speaker 3: the tiniest corner left her past.

400
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:22,879
Speaker 5: She's gonna be wasted.

401
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,520
Speaker 2: Look, she's gone, she's gonna go sleep having that.

402
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, she probably will end up sleep simming but good.

403
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:33,360
Speaker 2: So Yeah.

404
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,119
Speaker 1: I ended up texting her back after she said that,

405
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, cool, let me know when y'all

406
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:37,159
Speaker 1: break up.

407
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:40,159
Speaker 2: Well played.

408
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,359
Speaker 5: And I was offended because you know, you're not thinking

409
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 5: date somebody to break up. I wasn't thinking this is

410
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 5: my husband. But I was just like cocky.

411
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:49,399
Speaker 3: We broke up.

412
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,840
Speaker 5: I said, you know what text tape?

413
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 2: How long was you with him? I don't know, you

414
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 2: don't remember.

415
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,040
Speaker 4: It had to be like that.

416
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 5: I don't now, I really don't know.

417
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 2: Don't count. Yeah, have any relationships.

418
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,680
Speaker 5: I'd be like, that is a kid, you don't talk

419
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,800
Speaker 5: and day you jumped right into like boyfriend and girlfriend, yeah.

420
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: And then lasts for thirty five hours.

421
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, And you'd be like, oh no, you'd be sad

422
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:14,439
Speaker 5: and you move on.

423
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 2: When you break up it. Yep, he prophesied, yep. And

424
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,399
Speaker 2: then what happened? So you called him?

425
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,520
Speaker 5: I texted him and I was like, hey, I'm single,

426
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,679
Speaker 5: and then we talked on the phone the whole entire night.

427
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,800
Speaker 1: Yes, literally all night like, and that's what the thing was.

428
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 1: I text you back and he was like, I don't

429
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 1: know why you text me.

430
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:33,680
Speaker 3: Just call me.

431
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 5: I'm on the phone first. Me too, Yeah, me too.

432
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:37,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

433
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 1: So that's how that happened. And we would talk all

434
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 1: the time, get to know each other better, and that's

435
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:43,679
Speaker 1: how that happened.

436
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 2: And then so, y'all senior his senior year.

437
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 4: I remember there's a picture on social media that went

438
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 4: viral with me standing behind you. You had went and

439
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 4: brought her a gift, and I was looking at you

440
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 4: like being mugging you, y'all sitting in the picture. You

441
00:19:57,720 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 4: had called because typically I would pick up the t

442
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:04,199
Speaker 4: area after school and we'll head like resioning schools all

443
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 4: with I'm picking up and you called an asked.

444
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 2: Can I wait a little? First of all, could you

445
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,639
Speaker 2: see her? And would it be.

446
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 4: Though it may be a little inconvenient for me to wait,

447
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 4: could I allow y'all to spend some time together while

448
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 4: you brought it that gift, you remember that, and what

449
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 4: was that conversation?

450
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:28,679
Speaker 3: Like, so you mean like between us from okay, gotcha?

451
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: Yeah?

452
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,119
Speaker 1: I think for me, I try to put myself in

453
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,479
Speaker 1: the other person's shoes, and I'm imagining, like all right,

454
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,800
Speaker 1: I'm reaching out, I'm trying to see somebody's daughter. I'm

455
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 1: like asking to bring her stuff because I can't even

456
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 1: imagine like a little boy trying to give her a necklace,

457
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: like it's going right back, like like a little bracelet.

458
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 3: It's going right back, like whoever gave it to you,

459
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 3: It's going back.

460
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:50,280
Speaker 2: There's a wasting investment.

461
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean like you don't ever know, like

462
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 3: what's to somebody appropriate.

463
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: I know, like you're staying some like dating in general,

464
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 1: like boyfriends in general and all that stuff.

465
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,360
Speaker 3: So I can expect the stance that you took.

466
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: So I think it's really easy to be like all right,

467
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,800
Speaker 1: it's a clear line of he wants to protect his

468
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 1: daughter if I want to pursue her, like, how do

469
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 1: I operate in a safe space to not not be

470
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: there for her, not like follow like what you are

471
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 1: expecting her dating life to look like. So that's where

472
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 1: that really came from. I was like, I can't just

473
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 1: like imagine me just pop it up and like I

474
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: got gifts, I got that. You're like, I'm trying to go.

475
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 1: I got stuff to do, I got places to be. Yeah,

476
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: I mean, like you never just want to like throw

477
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,119
Speaker 1: yourself into somebody else's life when they are the parents.

478
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 1: They're the ones making like the the ultimate decisions of

479
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 1: what like they want for their children, and especially hopefully

480
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 1: you have power over influencing who they date. So I'm like,

481
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: clearly this man loves his daughter, he wants the best

482
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 1: for her. I'm very interested in her. I want what's

483
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 1: best for her. I'm gonna find a way to find

484
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: some middle ground to make sure that I'm like respecting

485
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 1: everybody's boundary.

486
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 2: You thought that as a senior in high schoo I did.

487
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 3: I did, so was it?

488
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 6: So?

489
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 4: What did you know about me at that time? If

490
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 4: you can recall, what did you know about me involved

491
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 4: in her life or not involved in her life? What

492
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,399
Speaker 4: did you just know about me period that made you

493
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 4: have that level of respect to even want to call me?

494
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 1: I would say, honestly, not really anything. I think we've

495
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 1: had very little conversations or like again through me talking

496
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 1: to her, maybe you have some input or things that

497
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: you would say that I think initially set the tone

498
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 1: without us having to have like a just flat out,

499
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 1: like lay everything on the table type of conversation. I

500
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 1: think the way you like carry yourself the representation of

501
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 1: like who your daughter is.

502
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 2: Like.

503
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 1: I think depending on her personality and the things that

504
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,879
Speaker 1: she involved herself with, you definitely get a feel for

505
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 1: like what that family's like. And if she wasn't who

506
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 1: she was and raised the way that she was raised,

507
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have been interested in the first place.

508
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 2: Go deep.

509
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 1: But I think that really like set the foundation for

510
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 1: me to understand like who I was dealing with and

511
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: what type of family I was dealing with.

512
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 6: So when you met her, what values were? What values

513
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,440
Speaker 6: are attached to what you just said?

514
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 1: I would say self respect first, Like I don't think

515
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: she's ever done anything that I've seen that she like

516
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: boy crazy or like has a certain rapper reputation amongst

517
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: like any group of boys. I think that's like again first,

518
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,520
Speaker 1: because it's very easy to if those values aren't instilled

519
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 1: in you at home, kind of operate differently, And it's

520
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 1: not hard for reputations to move around, especially when you kids,

521
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 1: like one person blink three times in one space.

522
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,600
Speaker 3: Everybody in the whole room knowing, and now everybody in

523
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 3: and like I got.

524
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 1: Kids at other school. You heard about that kids, so

525
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 1: like you can't keep anything under wrap. So I just

526
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 1: think her reputation and how she carried herself or self respect.

527
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: I think she was well spoken from a point of

528
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,640
Speaker 1: like respecting other people. Like again, she was a good

529
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,520
Speaker 1: a good person and a good friend to have, even

530
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 1: in the seventh grade. So I think talking to her

531
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: more and more are going into our junior and senior year,

532
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 1: Like that was just like a continuation.

533
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 4: How important was it, Lataria for me to approve of

534
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 4: the guy that you dated?

535
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,920
Speaker 5: It was the importance like it was. It wasn't I

536
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 5: lived with you, So how how am I going to

537
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,320
Speaker 5: want to go on a day with the guy that

538
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 5: you don't know? Nor like that wasn't an option.

539
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 4: Well, you could be rebellious. You'd be like, I don't

540
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 4: care what you say. I like them and I don't care,

541
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 4: and I'm running away from home.

542
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 2: You see that a lot. You see girls and be

543
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 2: like I don't care what you say.

544
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 4: I'm running away from home, so that she runs out

545
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 4: runs away from home with Johnny.

546
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 5: I guess it was never that deep for me. Why

547
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 5: because at that point, I'm choosing a little boy over

548
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 5: my dad. So that's weird. Like I'm saying, Oh, Dad,

549
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna be with this boy who can't take

550
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 5: care of me. But does that makes sense?

551
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:47,239
Speaker 4: Uh?

552
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 6: So it wasn't.

553
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,119
Speaker 5: It wasn't like a conscious decision. I disrespected you and

554
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 5: I loved you, so I want you to you know,

555
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 5: we're we're friends, like you're my dad, but you're my

556
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 5: friend too. Like you taught me about dating and love

557
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 5: boys say this, like like you taught me all these

558
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 5: things to look out for. So it was almost like

559
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 5: as if I was talking to my friend and wanted

560
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 5: my friend to like my boyfriend. It felt very similar

561
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 5: to that.

562
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 2: I So why didn't feel like a daddy that was

563
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 2: just hating? Like why couldn't it?

564
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 4: That felt like because there's an extreme, there's a there's

565
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 4: an ideology where you go, you, oh, you don't know,

566
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,840
Speaker 4: I know more than you, and you're not gonna like

567
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,399
Speaker 4: any boy, because that's what that's you know, that's the

568
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 4: rhetoric of saying nobody's gonna be good enough for me.

569
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't expect you to like anybody.

570
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 4: I know.

571
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 5: The thing is you were friends, like not friends, but

572
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 5: like when I would bring my friends around, you got

573
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 5: along with them. There was different. You mentored people, You

574
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:44,040
Speaker 5: mentored people's sons. You never were mean or like judgmental

575
00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 5: or stand offish to anybody. So it really wasn't, like

576
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 5: I said, the thought never popped into my head for

577
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 5: me to be thinking that you were jealous or doing

578
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 5: too much hate knowing Yeah, I was like, this is

579
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,080
Speaker 5: my dad. My dad not gonna let me be waiting. No,

580
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 5: just anybody, So like I just respected it.

581
00:25:58,880 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 2: What did you like about Tay?

582
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 5: You know when you mentioned that he was like the

583
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 5: like the stereotypical I guess, nice guy. He was my

584
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 5: first nice guy. He was like the first guy I

585
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 5: didn't have to like try to impress or chase to

586
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 5: like me or like. He just liked me, and I

587
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 5: just liked him and I can be myself around him.

588
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 5: I could just talk to him all the time. I

589
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 5: wasn't too pushy, I wasn't overbearing. I wasn't what's the

590
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 5: word clingy like I just could just be his friend

591
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 5: and it was just natural, which.

592
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 4: Is key and I'm glad you said that, is that

593
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 4: you had a propensity for toxicity. You were attracted to

594
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 4: the worst by.

595
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 5: Even as a junior in high school. That's crazy.

596
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I was like, why do you like the

597
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:42,680
Speaker 2: worst the worst woman?

598
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 5: Yeah?

599
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 2: And where do you think that comes from?

600
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 5: I don't know. I'm not going to pretend like I know.

601
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,400
Speaker 5: I don't know. I just think it's like, that's your environment,

602
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 5: that's the boys that are out there. So you're like, well,

603
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 5: so and so likes him, so he must be a catch.

604
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 5: I guess, so he it's cute. And then you start

605
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 5: thinking that dating or people having these tending today something

606
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 5: very petty is I remember like having boys that I

607
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,679
Speaker 5: liked in high school and they would go to parties

608
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 5: and they would like dance for girls, like torking with them.

609
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 5: And I used to be so upset about that because

610
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,159
Speaker 5: I'm like, why would you want to if you're in

611
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 5: a relationship, why would you want to do that? And

612
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 5: then I had boys in my ear and girls in

613
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 5: my ear saying, cause that's not cheating, that's normal. So

614
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 5: then I said, Okay, I guess that's normal. I guess

615
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 5: my standards are just weird. And I don't well, I

616
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 5: don't want to like not be liked because like I'm

617
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,359
Speaker 5: doing too much. So let me just accept that you

618
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,080
Speaker 5: go to parties and you dance on people. That's just

619
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:36,159
Speaker 5: the reality of what it is. But then now I

620
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 5: started dating day and I was going to parties and

621
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 5: he was like, you on to parties? Like, first of all,

622
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 5: he was he was turned off, like why are you

623
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 5: going to parties to do what? Like people go to

624
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 5: parties to meet people and today and dance. You have

625
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 5: a boyfriend, why are you doing that? But he didn't

626
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 5: tell me I couldn't go, obviously, he came seventh grade.

627
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 5: He just said okay, and I would invite him. He'd

628
00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 5: be like, I'm not going.

629
00:27:58,119 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 3: So were you did?

630
00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 2: You can see yourself Christian back then?

631
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:01,879
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely?

632
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 2: And so you had the standard where you just didn't

633
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 2: believe in going to parties like that.

634
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it bleeds into both.

635
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: I think it at my core comes from like morality

636
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 1: and that comes from my Christian background, so hand in hand,

637
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: but it.

638
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 5: Party.

639
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:24,680
Speaker 6: I'm aware, I'm aware standing.

640
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 5: That hard walk for God. I went to a few

641
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 5: parties myself.

642
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 3: Yes, there's nothing wrong with whatever you want to do.

643
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 3: I'm just saying for me when I'm.

644
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: In my house, that's in my house, just my standards

645
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: for myself. And I think, like, I know what the

646
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,360
Speaker 1: environment is, I know what you're putting yourself around. People

647
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: like you think you're want to want to.

648
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 3: Pull you here.

649
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 5: People are also shooting back.

650
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 4: Then, Yeah, and so my whole philosophy was like, hey, before,

651
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 4: I you know, rededicated my life Christ when I was

652
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 4: eighteen years old, when I was you're about to come

653
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 4: into this world. So those that don't know, Letteria was

654
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 4: born my senior year of high school, two weeks before

655
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 4: I walked across the stage. She came to my graduation

656
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 4: as a baby, and that changed the trajector of my life.

657
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 2: That December the twenty sixth, I gave my life to

658
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 2: Christ and never looked back.

659
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 4: No.

660
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 2: Twenty second, December twenty second, I gave my life to

661
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:36,360
Speaker 2: Christ and never looked back. And I walked down the

662
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 2: aisle with her in my arms.

663
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 4: And so at eighteen, I didn't believe in going to parties.

664
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 4: From that point on, I was just like Nope, Because

665
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 4: the night before I went to church.

666
00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 2: I was in this club.

667
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,800
Speaker 4: Those that live in Dallas, y'all remember this club called Lakeside,

668
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 4: And so I was in Lakeside and.

669
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 2: Then the music is going on.

670
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 4: You heard Luke song, It's your Birthday, It's your Birthday,

671
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 4: popped that Kouchie Pop, that Kouchi Baby, all this crazy music,

672
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 4: these words, and I remember listening and I had this

673
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 4: standard to where if I met a girl at a club,

674
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 4: I would never meet a girl. I want to ask

675
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 4: her phone number. Kept saying, I don't want no woman.

676
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 4: If I meet at a club, and then I would

677
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,040
Speaker 4: dance with you because I love to dance. But I'm

678
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 4: not gonna get your phone number. I'm not gonna go

679
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 4: home with you.

680
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: That's just it. And I'm gonna leave you where I

681
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 2: met you.

682
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 4: But that night, I was sitting in that environment and

683
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: I just saw spirits floating over people's heads. I just

684
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 4: started seeing spirits. People are drinking, and I just kept

685
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 4: seeing these spirits. I said, what in the world is this?

686
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 4: My homeboy, Monterrey Bible shout out to Mantre Bible. He

687
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 4: had invited me to come to church the next day.

688
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 4: He said, I want you to come to church. I said,

689
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 4: we I'm gonna go to this club first and then

690
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 4: and then if I get up early in the morning,

691
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 4: I'll go to church with you. He's like, man, just please,

692
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 4: and I was like, I can't make you no promises.

693
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 4: And so I saw these spirits just floating over people's

694
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 4: head and I was like, what in the world is this?

695
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 4: And I'm watching people and everything start moving slow. I

696
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 4: just kept hearing the music like and it just sounded

697
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 4: like that, and I was around. I said, what in

698
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,640
Speaker 4: the world, And of course I didn't drink. I never

699
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 4: drank a day of my life. So I'm watching this

700
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:07,440
Speaker 4: and I'm going, what is God trying to show me?

701
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,000
Speaker 4: And God said, look at this environment, look at the

702
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 4: spiritual warfare that's going on. And I was just looking around.

703
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:16,600
Speaker 4: I was listening to the music. And then people will

704
00:31:16,640 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 4: say I don't listen to the words to the music.

705
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 4: I just listened to the beat, and I was like, no,

706
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 4: I'm really big on words. So I would listened to

707
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,959
Speaker 4: the words and they'll be like all the ages come

708
00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 4: to danth and they run out there. And I was like,

709
00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 4: if I call this woman that as she wants, she

710
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 4: will slap me. But if the music calls her that

711
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,800
Speaker 4: she runs out and dances to it. I said, this

712
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 4: is weird. So I just started being very, very overly

713
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,000
Speaker 4: analytical about everything that was going on, just watching the

714
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 4: spiritual ramifications of everything.

715
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 2: And then you know the girl sitting up there, she's

716
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 2: dancing dudes up by.

717
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 4: I said that if the music wasn't playing, and I

718
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 4: walked up to a girl on the street and put

719
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 4: my penis against her buttocks, she gonna slap me and

720
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 4: it's a sexual assault case.

721
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 2: But if music is playing, we can say it's dancing.

722
00:31:59,240 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 2: It's cool.

723
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 4: And she's like, I don't want you dancing, all right, cool,

724
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 4: but I'll get a chance to get a quick little feel.

725
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 2: Like that if the music is playing. So I was looking.

726
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 4: I was like, wow, this is amazing. How you can

727
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 4: do this in this environment. Outside of this environment, it's

728
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 4: not okay. And I just started watching. And then guy

729
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 4: said I want you to go to church in the morning,

730
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 4: and I was like, all right. Left there called up

731
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 4: Mantrede that early that morning, at seven o'clock in the morning.

732
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 4: I said, you don't have to catch the bus, because

733
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 4: he would catch the bus to go to church. I said,

734
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 4: I'm gonna pick you up, and I'm gonna go to church.

735
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 4: I had Lataria because my mom used to watch all

736
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 4: the time. My mom is right over there, y'all, hopefully

737
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 4: she'll make appearance, but my mom she was at home.

738
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 4: I got Lataria when I came back. I came home

739
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 4: and I went to church. And my life has never

740
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 4: been the same. And so when you see pictures and videos,

741
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 4: we weren't even much videos. I don't know if you

742
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 4: saw the video that I posted last year when I

743
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 4: did or the year before last, Eyebot, But when you

744
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 4: look back at pictures seeing us, how tight and we

745
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 4: will stick as thieves as that when you were that young,

746
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 4: What do you think about that?

747
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 5: I want clear to have that. That's really what I think.

748
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 5: I'm like, I can't wait for her to realize how

749
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,160
Speaker 5: cool it is having a dad that loves her. That's

750
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 5: all I think. I talk about that all the time.

751
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 2: She talks about that a lot.

752
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's a really important thing for her.

753
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 1: And she says like tons of affirmations, like such a

754
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 1: great dad, like she has such a great dad. Like

755
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: so I think she again, she really values like her

756
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:33,400
Speaker 1: having a present father and somebody who's like actively wanting

757
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:34,719
Speaker 1: to be in her life and be there for all

758
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 1: the moments.

759
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 3: So those things are true.

760
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,800
Speaker 4: Let me tell you what's so different about what you

761
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 4: are able to do that I didn't and it just

762
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 4: wasn't even meant to be. But you married the mother

763
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,280
Speaker 4: of your child, and you married her before she became

764
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 4: the you know, before she became a mother of your child,

765
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 4: and so that's that's so beautiful that you created the standard.

766
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,200
Speaker 4: Y'all create the standard together? How important or maybe I

767
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:04,800
Speaker 4: don't know, since I don't know a lot of stuff

768
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 4: about when y'all was dating.

769
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:07,640
Speaker 2: Was y'all ever trying to have kids before y'all got mad?

770
00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 5: Absolutely, like a fear like that was like like the

771
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:19,920
Speaker 5: concept of the concept theoretically.

772
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 4: Speaking, theoretically, that's what you was talking about. In case

773
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 4: y'all sat too close and accidentally that.

774
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 3: Makes I was very scarious.

775
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 2: That was very serious. Amen. Amen, that makes a whole

776
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 2: lot of nonsense.

777
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 3: On the record.

778
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 2: On the record, y'all go.

779
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 4: Y'all decided to go off to college together, wau.

780
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,280
Speaker 5: We just liked each other. We were like because honestly,

781
00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 5: when you think about it, we started dating our junior

782
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 5: summer going to senior year, we just really like got close.

783
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 5: It had just hit a year, and I think in

784
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 5: my head, I was thinking, if we go to separate colleges,

785
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,160
Speaker 5: we're not going to survive. And that's not saying I

786
00:34:58,200 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 5: didn't like him enough for hitting like me enough, but

787
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 5: it's kind of just like real you're just separate. Like

788
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 5: he would have his own life, I would have my

789
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 5: own life, and we would try our best to make

790
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,879
Speaker 5: it work, but realistically speaking, it just wasn't gonna work.

791
00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 4: And so y'all just decided to go to Texas A

792
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 4: and M in Corporus Christian. We was at a whole

793
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 4: little plottin scheme y'all came up with, because y'all had

794
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,040
Speaker 4: to have. Y'all just said, we're gonna go to school

795
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 4: together and then apply together.

796
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 2: Like what was all that about?

797
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 5: We just applied to the same school. Yeah, and then

798
00:35:26,520 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 5: if we both happened to get into the same school,

799
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,319
Speaker 5: then it was like, maybe it's not to be, uh huh,

800
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 5: And it just had it happened, it.

801
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:38,399
Speaker 2: Happened, let's rewind it back. Y'all went to prom together.

802
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:38,839
Speaker 4: We did.

803
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 2: We did. How special was that? That was?

804
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 5: Funking?

805
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:42,880
Speaker 8: No?

806
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,879
Speaker 5: No, it was fun. I think the coolest thing about

807
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 5: us having these memories together from high school is it

808
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 5: just creative memories for us to show our children, Like,

809
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 5: look at it, we were a prom together, because not

810
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 5: everybody can do that. So I think those the memories

811
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 5: that we created in that moment. We didn't realize we

812
00:35:58,120 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 5: were creating memories. We were just living in the moment.

813
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 5: But now looking back at us as seniors, were like,

814
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 5: we were eighteen years old, and we thought we just

815
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 5: were grown and knew this and knew that, and we

816
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,320
Speaker 5: didn't know nothing. But now we're learning something.

817
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, we learned exactly exactly.

818
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 2: Wow, what do y'all think y'all knew back then that

819
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 2: that you come to find out you didn't know.

820
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 5: I really thought that being an adult adult was easy,

821
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,160
Speaker 5: like you just go to work and you get married,

822
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 5: have today, Yeah whatever you want to do, easy fun.

823
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 2: It was all about you get to make your own yeah.

824
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, bedtime, they'll see what you want to Yeah,

825
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: let's go. It was just simple in the morning, come on, yeah,

826
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: let's go.

827
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:36,359
Speaker 7: Yeah.

828
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 4: So, looking back at knowing that y'all went to prom together,

829
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 4: explain what happened at prim what was that create the

830
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:43,960
Speaker 4: scene from your prom.

831
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 5: I feel like I probably have more of a perspective

832
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 5: on that. You definitely that boys just get dressed. Like

833
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 5: for me, I remember him asking me the prom, and

834
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 5: I was very excited. I knew we were going to

835
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:59,759
Speaker 5: prom together. But going back to twenty fourteen, that sounds whatever. Yeah,

836
00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 5: twenty fourteen, that's when promposals started. So like he had

837
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 5: to ask me to promise. Because we were together, doesn't

838
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 5: mean we're just automatically going yeah, yeah, you have to

839
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 5: ask me. Yeah. Yeah, No, I get that he needed. Yeah,

840
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 5: I'm gonna just go and if you go, we go.

841
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 4: Yeah.

842
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, approached me correctly. Yeah, So I remember, I remember

843
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 5: you created a video of it, which is so funny

844
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 5: because I feel like in those moments they just seemed

845
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 5: like something silly your dad wanted to record. But now

846
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 5: I'm like, we have a video of you asking me

847
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 5: to prompt, Like that's really cute. And then so I

848
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 5: remember that day getting dressed. She rented a hotel for

849
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 5: for you know, for me to get dressed in and

850
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 5: then I got a makeup done, I was playing my dress.

851
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,719
Speaker 5: I remember you rented a horse drawn carriage. It was

852
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,959
Speaker 5: a white horse, and then you had the horse wear

853
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 5: like royal blue whatever horses wear, I guess we wore

854
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 5: royal blue. And then Tay came to the hotel. We

855
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 5: walked downstairs. You had a photographer for their got professional

856
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 5: pictures taking, so that was because not everyone gets that.

857
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 5: And then we went to oh then the oh okay,

858
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 5: so I prom was in downtown and so it was

859
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 5: really cool riding the carriage through the streets of downtown

860
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 5: because everybody's like looking at me, like you look so pretty,

861
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 5: and I'm like waved like a little and then he

862
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 5: was there. It was it was like a fairy tale,

863
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 5: It really was. It was just like it was nice.

864
00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 4: Did you feel like I was too strict because I

865
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 4: didn't let you hang out promising?

866
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,200
Speaker 5: Yes, But now that I'm an adult, not at all

867
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 5: too strict, Like Claire's not going to be home at

868
00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 5: eleven maybe eleven thirty, maybe eleven thirty, give me.

869
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,480
Speaker 2: Because there's a dairy experience the same thing, just if

870
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 2: you about them up.

871
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 5: But he had to hang out a little bit.

872
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:45,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he came home at twelve twelve o'clock.

873
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 4: He did.

874
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 2: Twelve o'clock, he did, but.

875
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 6: It's curfew, like you know, well, he wasn't driving, but

876
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,840
Speaker 6: technically he's supposed.

877
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,160
Speaker 2: To be home by twelve by state.

878
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, guidelines, But you know, back then, the same thing,

879
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:01,759
Speaker 4: but those parents didn't care.

880
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 5: Hotels, they were going to party, they were having all

881
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 5: kinds of stuff. But I was so jealous. I was like,

882
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 5: I want to go to the party, but my dad

883
00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 5: won't let me. And I was the only person of

884
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,839
Speaker 5: my friends whose parents wouldn't let them do the after

885
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 5: prom activities because the prom is just kind of like

886
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 5: you get cute and class and take pictures. But the

887
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,399
Speaker 5: real turn up was after prom. I hear.

888
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 2: That's what I heard, and.

889
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,400
Speaker 4: That's why I want the darn to hear that La

890
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 4: Darren shout out to the Darren. He's doing the switch

891
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,960
Speaker 4: in the day. But he experienced the same thing where

892
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 4: he was just like, man, I want to dang, the

893
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:35,239
Speaker 4: friends are.

894
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 6: Going here or whatever, and but then after the fact

895
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 6: he was like the party wasn't apparently even that.

896
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 5: It's never so I was like, yeah, we just sat

897
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 5: there and chilled and so and so was lad in

898
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 5: the corner. It's never like how they hype it up

899
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:47,400
Speaker 5: to be.

900
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, you just want to be there just because so

901
00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 4: tell you did you feel a certain way, Well, you're

902
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 4: gonna go to party, so.

903
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 3: You so I wouldn't even trip it on that.

904
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,160
Speaker 1: So with that whole time based thing, I think sometimes

905
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 1: it feels like the moment can get cut because you're

906
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: enjoying the day. Everything is like it's so much like

907
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:04,200
Speaker 1: anticipation leading up to the event.

908
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,680
Speaker 4: And he wasn't for me to cut off that moment

909
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 4: for sure, good job, I want the moment to get

910
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 4: too out of control.

911
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 3: What great job?

912
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 2: Se If you keep that same energy with Claire.

913
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 5: Wow, No, absolutely, I don't even worry about you.

914
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 3: Don't even have to project into the future. I can

915
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 3: tell you today.

916
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, come back at three in the morning.

917
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:39,280
Speaker 5: No, no, let go Claire. You'll be home by eleven.

918
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 3: I'll be right outside.

919
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 4: But isn't that crazy though? As teenagers you feel like

920
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 4: your parents have been extremely strict, but they're being protective

921
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,359
Speaker 4: and they're using wisdom at the end of the day,

922
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,759
Speaker 4: because I've heard so many bad situations that happened after

923
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,360
Speaker 4: prom not just pregnant to see, but people getting the

924
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 4: car accidents, they're dying. It's people, like I said, somebody

925
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 4: come to party, shoot it up. It's all kind of

926
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 4: crazy stuff. That's like, it's just not necessary for one

927
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:10,960
Speaker 4: night and it's.

928
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 5: Just prom and people feel grown too, yeah, because that's the.

929
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 4: First time they ever feel grown because they like, I'm

930
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 4: dressed up, this is my senior year, I'm graduating. In

931
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,799
Speaker 4: the teenager's mind, I am grown. And my mom never

932
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 4: gave me a curfew. She never gave me a curfew.

933
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:30,760
Speaker 2: To look at it? Did you ever give me a curfew? Mama? Really?

934
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 5: So he can be out to two three?

935
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 2: I would come home at two o'clock in the morning,

936
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:35,600
Speaker 2: come home when.

937
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 5: I feel like we have a lot of like you know, Leeway,

938
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 5: look at you whole kid right now, right.

939
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 8: He was.

940
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 4: But then I rained myself in my senior year and

941
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 4: so prom I went out and came right back home

942
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 4: because I was just like, it's not it's not necessary.

943
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 4: But then like on like what I did from Thursday

944
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 4: to Sundays, I would club. This is my senior Towards

945
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 4: the end of my senior year, going in the summer,

946
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 4: I would just be club and it got so boring.

947
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,280
Speaker 4: That's the reason why I don't even go to clubs

948
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:13,040
Speaker 4: now or period.

949
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 2: It's like, what is that?

950
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 4: But I did all of that through eighteen all the

951
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 4: way to yeah, eighteen that December, I was still eighteen,

952
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 4: and I was like, this is this is this is crazy.

953
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 4: So I got all out of my system, as they say,

954
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 4: so it wasn't attractive to me. So then I also said,

955
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 4: you know what, I want to teach my daughter what

956
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,640
Speaker 4: healthy boundaries look like.

957
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:34,759
Speaker 2: And I wasn't.

958
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 4: Even though you talk about how close friends we were

959
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 4: or are, which is true, I still never want to

960
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,200
Speaker 4: be more of a friend.

961
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: Than a father too.

962
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 5: Oh never.

963
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was like, no, we're gonna be friends, We're

964
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 4: gonna be cool. You can talk to me about You just.

965
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 5: Meant like it's an open door policy. You can tell

966
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 5: me whatever you know. But like, I'm your dad, Did you.

967
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:53,880
Speaker 2: Feel like that you could tell me anything?

968
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 5: I did? For sure?

969
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 2: We had some interesting conversations.

970
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, you think we had conversations that weren't typical

971
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 4: of a father and daughter to talk about.

972
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 5: Maybe, but I feel like they should be talked about

973
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 5: because I, for example, I want to be Claire's first

974
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 5: like example or perspective on a lot of things in

975
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 5: her life. So I mean, I don't want her to'll

976
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 5: be learning certain things from her friends who are just

977
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 5: as naive as she is.

978
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 4: How important was it that your friends would call me

979
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:25,280
Speaker 4: an ask for advice?

980
00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 5: Number One, It made me realize how important and like

981
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 5: lucky I was to have a father, not even if

982
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,880
Speaker 5: I'm gonna say a father figure, but a father because

983
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,120
Speaker 5: they didn't have that. So it made me think, like,

984
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 5: this is an important thing, like because you never were

985
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 5: not in my life, you know, so for me, your

986
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 5: presence of my life was normal. So to see my

987
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:52,640
Speaker 5: friends use you as like a second parent in a way,

988
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 5: like a person to seek advice from, it was kind

989
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 5: of cool. Sometimes it would annoy.

990
00:43:57,239 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 2: Me though, but it was cool because school and you

991
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 2: had a whole problem.

992
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 5: Started running up to you and I'm like, this is

993
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 5: my dad, Yeah, chill out.

994
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 4: You got mad one day I went to the school.

995
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 4: And every time I would go to the school, they

996
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 4: would be like dad, Yes, that's.

997
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:17,280
Speaker 5: What I'm getting mad. Why would you say dad? Everybody

998
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 5: looking like so, who daddy?

999
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 4: Is that my dad? Yeah?

1000
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 5: That's crazy.

1001
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 2: It was a white boys and girls.

1002
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 4: They just all run to me and say dad, and

1003
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 4: they will run up and bum rushed me and hug me.

1004
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 4: Lataria got mad one day she went and started peeling

1005
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 4: the kids off that's my dad.

1006
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 2: She started.

1007
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 4: We're talking about in high school. We're talking like juniors

1008
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 4: over it. Junior year in high school, she started grabbing

1009
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,920
Speaker 4: kids and pushing them off, pushing them, I said later she.

1010
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 2: Said, that's my dad, and they're gonna hug me like

1011
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 2: she ain't seen me because.

1012
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 5: They were run up first. I'm like, what were you

1013
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 5: calling emotionally in that moment. Jealous? Yeah, but I didn't

1014
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 5: even know why it was jealous because I'm like, I

1015
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,800
Speaker 5: get to see him every day. But I'm like, no,

1016
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 5: that's I think the word dad is what got to me.

1017
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 5: I was like, no, that it's my dad. I don't

1018
00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 5: know what you're gonna call him, but dad is reserved

1019
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 5: for me.

1020
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 4: What conversation that Kaylyn had with you, that that brought

1021
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 4: you to tears and brought in perspective, remember that.

1022
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 5: I do like he didn't. His dad wasn't very close

1023
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:20,840
Speaker 5: in his life. So he just said, like, seeing you

1024
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 5: in my life kind of like gave him hope and away,

1025
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 5: or it gave perspective of like how different life could

1026
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 5: be if you do have a father in your life.

1027
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,320
Speaker 5: So when I got that perspective, not gonna lie being immature,

1028
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 5: it was like, I was still kind of irritated because

1029
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 5: I'm a kid too, you know, it's hard to turn

1030
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 5: those emotions off, and said, Okay, I'm fine now. But

1031
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 5: it did give me perspective to where I was like, okay,

1032
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 5: just be patient, be gentle.

1033
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 4: She came home that day she was like, Kaylen was

1034
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 4: crying in class and was saying that he wished he

1035
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:51,879
Speaker 4: had a father like that and all that, and she said,

1036
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 4: I'm being a brat.

1037
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, she said, as I was a lot of times

1038
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 5: when I was that age, so.

1039
00:45:58,320 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 3: You can see that for sure.

1040
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 5: Absolutely all the ways I just was a brat like

1041
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 5: and I wasn't like a brat in like a I

1042
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 5: wanted everything my way kind of thing. It was more

1043
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 5: so when I didn't get something that I thought that

1044
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 5: I deserved, I was like, I would take offense to it.

1045
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 5: But I think it was because you just would just

1046
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 5: give me everything I want to be honest. So when

1047
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,240
Speaker 5: you would set the boundary like no, you're in trouble,

1048
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 5: I'm like, he's for real, what do you mean?

1049
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1050
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 5: And it really hit my senior year, so he didn't.

1051
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:33,200
Speaker 5: So you didn't get in trouble much. I did, but

1052
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 5: his his punishments were really different. The way my dad

1053
00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 5: would punish me is he would talk to me for

1054
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 5: like a long time and make me explain. So, why

1055
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 5: do you make a decision? You know, I want you

1056
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 5: to take me step by step how what brought you

1057
00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:51,399
Speaker 5: to that point? And so the reason he's laughing, why

1058
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:52,480
Speaker 5: are you laughing.

1059
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 6: Because because we just had this conversation with Ladarian and

1060
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 6: I said, do you ever give consequences?

1061
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 4: And I.

1062
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 5: Said, what are the consequences? And he said, well, I've

1063
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:10,239
Speaker 5: never thought about that.

1064
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,920
Speaker 6: I said, because in life, there are consequences for everything

1065
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:17,920
Speaker 6: you do when you become an adult, Right you walk

1066
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 6: out here, you break the law, there's a consequence. Right

1067
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 6: You you go to college, you don't submit your papers,

1068
00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 6: there's a consequence. You don't go to class, there's a consequence.

1069
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:29,800
Speaker 6: You run a red light, there's a consequence. So I

1070
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 6: was like, what are the consequences here? And so I'm

1071
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 6: really glad to hear this from you.

1072
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 5: No, it's good. It's good because he's so good but

1073
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 5: he loves to have a conversation.

1074
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,279
Speaker 6: But we've been talking a lot about consequences and how

1075
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 6: they don't have to be you know, the harshest of

1076
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 6: the heart.

1077
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,360
Speaker 5: But what are they because it has to be something.

1078
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 6: Yeah, just for learning in the future, right, Like when

1079
00:47:56,440 --> 00:48:01,640
Speaker 6: we put a consequence in place, it discourages fully that behavior.

1080
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 5: And gieshu we unpactic.

1081
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,120
Speaker 2: Then, so you said I didn't give Do you think

1082
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 2: I gave consequences or not?

1083
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 4: Because you said, all I do was have you break

1084
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 4: down and rethink how you did it, well, how you are,

1085
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 4: how your rose to the decision that you made. What

1086
00:48:17,719 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 4: would have been different if should I have did that

1087
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 4: and then gave your consequence or just do like I

1088
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 4: think the congressparent did and just give your consequence.

1089
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 5: I think the conversation aspect was helpful because it really

1090
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 5: made me think, like, well, why did I do that?

1091
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 5: Gain that was dumb, So it made me have to

1092
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 5: really rethink, like why did I make that decision? But

1093
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:39,759
Speaker 5: you didn't really give me any consequences, like you didn't

1094
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,799
Speaker 5: take my phone or you didn't take TV. I could

1095
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 5: still kind of go places.

1096
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,359
Speaker 3: You not say this after they can no longer get

1097
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 3: in trouble.

1098
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 6: You could, but no, but the conversation is absolutely essential,

1099
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:00,759
Speaker 6: like even even as when they're young, like I did

1100
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 6: this in education, like you do want to explain what

1101
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 6: it is. So it's not just like because I said so,

1102
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,400
Speaker 6: because you're basically teaching people how to make decisions or

1103
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,320
Speaker 6: you're teaching your children how to process all of that

1104
00:49:12,760 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 6: when they're going through it, when they're up against the challenge.

1105
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 6: And then I feel like it's two there's two parts

1106
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:19,439
Speaker 6: to it. Like you said, if we're having the issue,

1107
00:49:19,520 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 6: let me take away the.

1108
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:21,880
Speaker 5: Phone or let me you know.

1109
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 6: But he's I always just say, I always tell Ladarian

1110
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 6: he is such a safe space.

1111
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 5: Yes, because there is no comment you can say.

1112
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 4: It is.

1113
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 3: So I'm gonna give you more credit.

1114
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 5: And he took my galaxy and from.

1115
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 6: Wait, he'll be like your grounded Ladarian. Okay, what kind

1116
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 6: of computer do you want? Literally, well, let me get

1117
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:55,200
Speaker 6: you the moment.

1118
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 5: Over here and next, by the way, he actually is

1119
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 5: a is a two thousand dollars computer.

1120
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's grand.

1121
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 2: College computer.

1122
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 5: He does, and he does, but it's just that the consequent.

1123
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'm gonna tell y'all my problem because I

1124
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:14,360
Speaker 4: can speak about my problem, go for it. My problem

1125
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 4: is I offer grace. Yeah, Letteria said this one day.

1126
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 4: Matter of fact, I'm not even gonna say it. What

1127
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 4: did I because you just brought up the phone situation.

1128
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:25,480
Speaker 4: What did you say to me? And when you got

1129
00:50:25,560 --> 00:50:25,919
Speaker 4: that phone?

1130
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 5: I remember, I said that that's something that like Jesus

1131
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 5: or God would do. They would bless you with something

1132
00:50:32,120 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 5: even though you don't deserve it, but they would say,

1133
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 5: I'm going to give you this, learn from your mistake,

1134
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 5: and take care of this.

1135
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:42,440
Speaker 4: And she said that to me cry because she was

1136
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 4: in trouble. So so the truth was, she was in trouble.

1137
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:47,440
Speaker 4: I did ground her, and she knew that. When I

1138
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,759
Speaker 4: get really upset, then it's like, you know what, like

1139
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 4: because there's been times I whooped her, But I'm gonna

1140
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:57,280
Speaker 4: talk to you way more. I probably whooped twice twice

1141
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 4: in our whole life. Yeah, but I'm going to talk

1142
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 4: to you for a long time, a long time.

1143
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 3: It sounds like the talking was the punishment.

1144
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:12,600
Speaker 2: Hearing it.

1145
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:15,759
Speaker 5: I won't go to bed. I'll go to bed at

1146
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,279
Speaker 5: midnight and lunarium will still be up. I'm like, how

1147
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 5: long y'all talking? It'll be like two of them more

1148
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 5: like what kind of cover? So you gonna talk?

1149
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 4: Because I wanted to talk to him and give get

1150
00:51:24,520 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 4: some understanding because the thing about it was is that

1151
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 4: I grew up in a generation and my mom can

1152
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 4: attest to it, is that they'll just whoop you, and

1153
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 4: that's the consequence, and then you do. You never have

1154
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 4: a conversation about what you did, why you did it,

1155
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,640
Speaker 4: was this because at that time, your frontal lobe ain't

1156
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 4: even developed, So you're the part of your brain where

1157
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 4: you're making logic, reasoning, it's not even there, and so

1158
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 4: you're just making decisions and you get a whooping because

1159
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 4: you ain't supposed to do it, but no one is

1160
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 4: talking to you about why and what's an alternative. And

1161
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 4: so maybe I went to extreme and just said we're

1162
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:57,279
Speaker 4: gonna talk. We're gonna talk, and I want to get

1163
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 4: to a place to where you can artic, you lay

1164
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:03,080
Speaker 4: what you did wrong and how you won't do it again.

1165
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:05,399
Speaker 4: That's all I care about. And if you can get

1166
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 4: to that point, then I don't hold grudges. I don't

1167
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:11,880
Speaker 4: I don't be like, well, that's why you did this yesterday.

1168
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 5: I don't care you didn't bring it up later.

1169
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:16,759
Speaker 2: I don't bring it up. It'd be done. I just

1170
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 2: be like, you've learned that, it's fine. We move on. Now,

1171
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 2: let's go get something neat, you know what I'm saying it.

1172
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:26,439
Speaker 5: I was like, this is great.

1173
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:31,719
Speaker 6: I think the key word is and I don't like

1174
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 6: this word balance because I feel like we're more like

1175
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:38,360
Speaker 6: life is more about harmony. But I do think that

1176
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 6: with children there is just the balance in providing like, Okay,

1177
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,800
Speaker 6: this is what happens in the real world, you know,

1178
00:52:45,640 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 6: so there is consequences for actions. Also there's a healthy

1179
00:52:50,000 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 6: amount of talking, which he excels, and he excels, so

1180
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 6: that's the.

1181
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 2: That's the key and so but that's my whole thing

1182
00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:05,920
Speaker 2: is that.

1183
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:08,840
Speaker 4: And then also having a daughter, I didn't want to

1184
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,239
Speaker 4: just always have to hit you, you know what I'm saying.

1185
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 2: And I didn't want consequences. Hold on, I'm talking about

1186
00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 2: I don't want to. Yeah, I'm talking about that side.

1187
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 2: That's why I mean, my extreme was I didn't want

1188
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:20,120
Speaker 2: to hit her.

1189
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 4: And so then when it came to the phone, it

1190
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 4: was like, well, dang, I'm gonna need to call you

1191
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 4: at school trying to pick you up, so I'm gonna

1192
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:28,480
Speaker 4: need you have a phone.

1193
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 2: And then I remember what I did. I did lock

1194
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 2: your phone up to where you can only call.

1195
00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 5: But did you see how that's kind of like, because

1196
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 5: I got my phone, but you know that I could

1197
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 5: call you, my mom and one friend. Yes, but why

1198
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 5: let me call a friend?

1199
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 3: It feel too hard? You got a heart? Okay, call her.

1200
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 5: This papa. You canna let you?

1201
00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:04,879
Speaker 2: Did you tell us? She said, give me a friend.

1202
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 5: She's in trouble. She's like, oh thanks dad.

1203
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:10,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know it was reconnaisance. You want to know

1204
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 3: who is the most important friend?

1205
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 2: You know? In Prinson they still let you have a

1206
00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:15,959
Speaker 2: guest list.

1207
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, funnybody get the visitor, I say, because I didn't

1208
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 4: want man.

1209
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just it was just what it was.

1210
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:34,280
Speaker 2: And my whole thing was to operate in a level

1211
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:34,880
Speaker 2: of grace.

1212
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 4: But again, when you have two parents, especially with like

1213
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,760
Speaker 4: when Ashley and I have a kid, then we'll have balance.

1214
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:43,080
Speaker 1: You know.

1215
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 4: That's why I believe that it takes balance like that

1216
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 4: to be like I'm this and she's like, oh no,

1217
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:50,359
Speaker 4: I'm this, and it's like, hey, what your mama say?

1218
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 2: You know, you can always say what your mama say.

1219
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

1220
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,839
Speaker 4: So that's cool. Instead of man, mom being a little

1221
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 4: too hard or whatever, Hey what did she say? You

1222
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 4: know your mama said this? Whatever y'all do this, but nah,

1223
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 4: she and then you have the balance you can play

1224
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,440
Speaker 4: good cop, bad cop all the time. So that's why

1225
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 4: I believe is it's better when you grow up in

1226
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 4: a two parent household because y'all both get balanced.

1227
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:14,279
Speaker 6: So between you two, now that you are a parent,

1228
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 6: how will you or what is the balance? What do

1229
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 6: you feel like even the strict one?

1230
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:22,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what's funny about that, It is depending

1231
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,840
Speaker 1: on the situation and who it is to and like

1232
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 1: we we change so much, Like if you want to

1233
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: talk to our pets, I'm the lenient one. She's the

1234
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 1: stricter one, and like I'm like, all right, like this

1235
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: what you said and like she said you got to

1236
00:55:34,560 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 1: be in here. I did say this, but it's you

1237
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 1: and me like.

1238
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 5: Like you.

1239
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think like when it comes to her,

1240
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 1: we both have our different things that were like more

1241
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:52,680
Speaker 1: leanient on like I'm like the chill like food parent.

1242
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 3: Like she's so like she can't have this ship like

1243
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:55,640
Speaker 3: this is.

1244
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:59,360
Speaker 1: Too you're throwing out, You're following out in the spirit's

1245
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,759
Speaker 1: like she love we're talking about it. But yeah, I

1246
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 1: definitely see like or I'm more leaning in some areas

1247
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 1: she might be more concerned and the more cautious parent.

1248
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 1: But in the other situations she surprised me and I'm like,

1249
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:12,600
Speaker 1: you sure that's good, and she's like, yes, let her

1250
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:13,320
Speaker 1: go on and do this.

1251
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,839
Speaker 2: And an experiment, did you say going leather?

1252
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 3: Where you going?

1253
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,840
Speaker 5: I can't think of the examples that he's using, but

1254
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 5: we brought up one conversation or as a friend date

1255
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:29,760
Speaker 5: about kind of like the way like someone was dressed,

1256
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:31,879
Speaker 5: like a girl was dressed like to like a part

1257
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 5: homecoming and she had like a little cute like dress

1258
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,279
Speaker 5: and it was a halter im like that was so

1259
00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 5: cute and he was like, absolutely not. And it made

1260
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 5: me think, oh, that's going to be an issue because

1261
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:45,839
Speaker 5: I'm going to be the one shopping with her.

1262
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:48,279
Speaker 1: I mean, your perspective is just totally different, Like you've

1263
00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 1: been at that age, You've wanted to wear this, so

1264
00:56:50,800 --> 00:56:51,319
Speaker 1: you got like a.

1265
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 2: Little bit get into it about that.

1266
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:55,240
Speaker 3: I can imagine. I can imagine.

1267
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 2: So that's what we're talking about. Strict about.

1268
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 4: I'm strict about showing all that he ain't no compromising

1269
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 4: that where she wanted.

1270
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:04,279
Speaker 2: To wear lipstick and make up and I lifstick, but

1271
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:06,560
Speaker 2: make up and all that strict.

1272
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 6: Well wait now that we're talking about strict and I'm

1273
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,160
Speaker 6: not going to say too much on it, but we

1274
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:11,560
Speaker 6: just did.

1275
00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:14,440
Speaker 5: We took some pictures and there was a dress that

1276
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 5: he wanted me to wear it. The dress was see through.

1277
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 2: They wanted you to wear it.

1278
00:57:18,640 --> 00:57:23,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, He's like, you ain't seen that. You could see

1279
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 5: everything through colored?

1280
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 6: It was no, no, it was my whole body. It

1281
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,640
Speaker 6: had literally okay, I had spanks on, but you could

1282
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,120
Speaker 6: see the spanks. I didn't have spanks on.

1283
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 5: You would be able to.

1284
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 2: Just photoshop it out. I know.

1285
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 5: So I'm like, Okay, I think I'm a little bit more.

1286
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 5: She's more.

1287
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 4: She's more conservative on dress at all. Just from her

1288
00:57:45,680 --> 00:57:48,920
Speaker 4: her dress, she's not gonna show nothing. But I respect

1289
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:51,320
Speaker 4: that a lot. But I do believe that she's a

1290
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:53,760
Speaker 4: little extreme. Like she'd be like, oh, you can see

1291
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 4: a little cleavage, and I'd be like, it's because you

1292
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 4: got cleavan. Can you just hide it all the time.

1293
00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 4: She's like, I don't want she only want to see

1294
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 4: the little little line. You don't want to see that.

1295
00:58:04,040 --> 00:58:04,080
Speaker 9: No.

1296
00:58:04,320 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 5: I had like a okay, I have a few outfits.

1297
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,520
Speaker 4: That will not show I promise you can y'all go

1298
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 4: look on this episode. You can go look if you

1299
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 4: can find a picture.

1300
00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 5: Where you're showing herd the wedding.

1301
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, I gots a wedding dress that was like that. Yeah,

1302
00:58:16,840 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 2: and that was it.

1303
00:58:18,640 --> 00:58:26,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, you show a little leg I oh no, I'll be.

1304
00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 2: Pulling out dress. I said, where it is? Where it is?

1305
00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 2: She'd be like willow crop talk.

1306
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:35,520
Speaker 5: Oh no, no, I'm learning something. I never knew this.

1307
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 5: I will though I have. I do show a little skin.

1308
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:46,720
Speaker 2: Yeah all the time. You see this right here, you

1309
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:51,600
Speaker 2: see skin? Yes, arm. She's like, no strap, nothing like that.

1310
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 5: No, halter t.

1311
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:55,040
Speaker 6: I will wear spaghetti strap in the summer. I have

1312
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 6: a couple of outfits like we were on the honeymoon.

1313
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 6: This wasn't about me, I don't know. Just like talking

1314
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 6: about your dad.

1315
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,000
Speaker 2: You're saying you said that you brought up the.

1316
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 5: Shooting with shocked the that'll be inter secret the sea

1317
00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 5: through nature of it. But go ahead, Yeah you were

1318
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 5: talking about growing.

1319
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 2: No, she don't like showing none of that stuff.

1320
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 4: And I didn't pick the dress out, the design to

1321
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 4: pick the dress out for her to take photos and

1322
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 4: I was like, she looked good.

1323
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,160
Speaker 2: And another thing, it's gonna be hard for me to

1324
00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 2: look at her looking good and.

1325
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:27,040
Speaker 5: Say, yeah, you look fine for everyone to be seeing me.

1326
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 2: But it was all it was hitting like you. You

1327
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 2: don't see no breast, you don't see none of that stuff.

1328
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 6: Legs, you saw, you see the dress got down to her.

1329
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:38,280
Speaker 6: They wanted to put pasties on, yeah, just to show

1330
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:39,120
Speaker 6: the no so.

1331
00:59:39,160 --> 00:59:40,640
Speaker 5: That you couldn't see behind.

1332
00:59:40,400 --> 00:59:42,800
Speaker 2: That the silver part was crossing the part.

1333
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 5: But you could also see around the breast.

1334
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but just it's just skin.

1335
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:53,240
Speaker 4: It's like you can see y'all can walk around on

1336
00:59:53,280 --> 00:59:57,160
Speaker 4: the beach with brown panties on, with bron panties in,

1337
00:59:57,280 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 4: but you can't have a full covered dress.

1338
00:59:59,080 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 2: That's the fool wedding dress.

1339
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 5: Because the I'm at the beach, that's what I'm seeing.

1340
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,200
Speaker 2: More skin than I could ever see because I'm going

1341
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:06,800
Speaker 2: in the water.

1342
01:00:07,080 --> 01:00:09,800
Speaker 4: But before you get there, I'm seeing you and literally

1343
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 4: broad panties because that's what that's what a swim suit.

1344
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 5: I wore swim suit when we went to Jamaica.

1345
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,920
Speaker 2: You had a cover, you had covered, had two and

1346
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:18,360
Speaker 2: you had short piece.

1347
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:23,439
Speaker 5: Oh yeah yeah yeah with some daisy dudes soft. Yeah,

1348
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 5: you could see a little you can see a little

1349
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 5: mid drift and Claire is going to be able, so

1350
01:00:30,320 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 5: they're going to have the same.

1351
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, because yeah, because the Terrier used to get

1352
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 4: mad at me sophomore and junior year and wouldn't want

1353
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:42,520
Speaker 4: to wear a little short because at the school she

1354
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 4: went to, she went to perform in our school, so

1355
01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:46,000
Speaker 4: they was dressed like everything.

1356
01:00:46,280 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 5: We were expressing ourselves.

1357
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:51,320
Speaker 4: She's a form of creativity, and so she looked at

1358
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 4: them little girls and be like, oh, I want dressed

1359
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:55,240
Speaker 4: like that too, And she got want to wear little

1360
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 4: short skirts and short whatever because she was all real slim,

1361
01:00:58,880 --> 01:01:00,800
Speaker 4: and so she was like, well, it's so I was

1362
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 4: like no, no, no, not at all, and she would

1363
01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,760
Speaker 4: get mad at me. One time she got in trouble.

1364
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:14,080
Speaker 4: Oh I got some consequences for you. I forgot about this.

1365
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 5: When he would come up with consequence, they'll be very

1366
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 5: creative because already know what he's talking about talking about.

1367
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:23,520
Speaker 5: I was doing not grade in school. I was focused.

1368
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 5: I was cute, though, and he saw that. It was

1369
01:01:25,800 --> 01:01:27,800
Speaker 5: like that's an issue because while you're cute, but your

1370
01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:31,400
Speaker 5: grades aren't cute. So he made he went to the store.

1371
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:34,280
Speaker 5: He went to the store and purchased uniforms for me,

1372
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:37,880
Speaker 5: and I had to wear uniforms.

1373
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:39,440
Speaker 3: At school that didn't require No one had uniforms.

1374
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:41,720
Speaker 5: I remember having on these little blue Bermuda shorts and

1375
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 5: a white collar shirt. Didn't mix up and get a

1376
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:46,480
Speaker 5: kaki in a blue and a black. I had to

1377
01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:49,840
Speaker 5: get all the same four pair of shorts, the same

1378
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:52,240
Speaker 5: collar shirts, and I had to wear that to school.

1379
01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 5: And I don't even know how long it was, but

1380
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 5: it feel like he turned into Everybody was like, why

1381
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 5: are you going on uniforms? And I had to explain it.

1382
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:00,680
Speaker 5: It was embarrassing, and then I did it for so

1383
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 5: long they got used to it. I just was wearing uniforms,

1384
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 5: and I got to I take what I said, You

1385
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 5: went to a.

1386
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:09,920
Speaker 4: Performing arts school where they dressing like they come in

1387
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 4: to dresses, and she's dressing like she going to a

1388
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:15,440
Speaker 4: regular school in DSD where they have to wear khakis,

1389
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,040
Speaker 4: like literally a uniform.

1390
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 2: That was like, I didn't know you had it in

1391
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,480
Speaker 2: you because I'm telling you pushed me there.

1392
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:23,560
Speaker 4: I'll be like, oh this ain't this ain't gonna you

1393
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 4: ain't learning to hold on like this. And another time,

1394
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:34,200
Speaker 4: what happened going into your graduation? Y'all had senior, whether

1395
01:02:34,360 --> 01:02:36,640
Speaker 4: senior holler or whatever. They go running through the hall

1396
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 4: game and you got mad, and what happened?

1397
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:42,240
Speaker 5: I was threatened to not be able to walk, So.

1398
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:45,520
Speaker 2: I told her she so what happened was she got mad?

1399
01:02:45,920 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, she got mad at the at the principal to come,

1400
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 4: this is fun. So the senior year, all the kids run.

1401
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 4: The seniors run through the hallways and just scream in

1402
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 4: the middle of the kids.

1403
01:02:57,640 --> 01:02:58,360
Speaker 2: They taking chests.

1404
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:01,440
Speaker 4: They're doing next called senior chot. They will run and

1405
01:03:01,520 --> 01:03:05,680
Speaker 4: just screamed and so and so. The principal said, just.

1406
01:03:05,720 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 2: Break it down like that.

1407
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:09,160
Speaker 5: But no, it was the last day of school and

1408
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 5: that was us taking our liberty to self.

1409
01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:13,480
Speaker 2: But the other kids are taking tests.

1410
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 4: They're taking for real tests, so they run down hollowd

1411
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,640
Speaker 4: So what the teachers did, the principal said, they called

1412
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 4: them all out to the courtyard, said we have a

1413
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 4: meeting for the seniors in the courtyard. They got into

1414
01:03:24,360 --> 01:03:26,560
Speaker 4: the courtyard and they locked the doors where they were

1415
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,280
Speaker 4: stuck in the center of the courtyard and like y'all

1416
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:29,640
Speaker 4: can scream all y'all want to out.

1417
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:33,080
Speaker 2: Here, So the terrier the kids got mad.

1418
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 4: They banging on the door I used to go to

1419
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,480
Speaker 4: the school so much and work around the school and

1420
01:03:37,640 --> 01:03:40,040
Speaker 4: sell shirts and do all this stuff to everybody in

1421
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:43,040
Speaker 4: the school knew me, right. So the principal, the assistant

1422
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:46,520
Speaker 4: principal called me because the terrier was banging on the

1423
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 4: door cussing, he said, And then they told her, I'm

1424
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:02,280
Speaker 4: gonna call your and she said, I don't care.

1425
01:04:02,280 --> 01:04:04,320
Speaker 5: So kept cussing and kept cussing.

1426
01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:09,720
Speaker 4: That man called me, mister Whitfield, your daughter is throwing

1427
01:04:09,880 --> 01:04:12,800
Speaker 4: a fit because she can't come into the hallways and

1428
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:13,600
Speaker 4: run and do this.

1429
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 2: And she told me what it was.

1430
01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:17,480
Speaker 4: And I was like, and she said what I told

1431
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,400
Speaker 4: her that I was gonna call you, And she said,

1432
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:20,120
Speaker 4: I don't care.

1433
01:04:20,240 --> 01:04:20,680
Speaker 2: Call him.

1434
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 4: Oh Jesus, well, Jesus, because they told her, they said,

1435
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,520
Speaker 4: if you don't calm down, you're not gonna get a walk,

1436
01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:29,920
Speaker 4: get a chance to walk across stage.

1437
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,520
Speaker 2: She said, so I don't care. I said, Oh, she's

1438
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 2: gonna keep that energy.

1439
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:36,800
Speaker 4: Then man they called I told her. Man, I called her,

1440
01:04:36,840 --> 01:04:38,560
Speaker 4: I said, guess what, you ain't gonna walk across stad.

1441
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:42,000
Speaker 5: Remember what the punishment was for you? Okay, you know

1442
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:42,680
Speaker 5: how to do a little.

1443
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:50,920
Speaker 4: And so I told her. She couldn't walk across the stage.

1444
01:04:51,360 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 4: She cried for two days. Please please, I'll do anything.

1445
01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 4: I got it right where she wanted push the microphone

1446
01:04:57,520 --> 01:04:59,800
Speaker 4: and what did I tell you, dude? Keep it?

1447
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:04,320
Speaker 5: My school was out. Everybody summer vacation and started. Yeah,

1448
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 5: for the seniors. He had me up at the school.

1449
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:09,040
Speaker 2: Close to your mouth all the way.

1450
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:13,640
Speaker 5: Yes, he had me up at the school basically being

1451
01:05:13,760 --> 01:05:18,560
Speaker 5: like the assistant to like all the like secretarial like

1452
01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:21,360
Speaker 5: people who are printing papers and doing stuff. I was

1453
01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 5: the I was their assistant for probably like a week

1454
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 5: a week and then we're told and he and then

1455
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:31,000
Speaker 5: even then he was like, you're not doing this to

1456
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:34,200
Speaker 5: be able to walk. You're doing this because you disrespect

1457
01:05:34,360 --> 01:05:37,480
Speaker 5: your the staff here. Now you have to help. And

1458
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:41,200
Speaker 5: then made me ask my principal at that time, like

1459
01:05:41,360 --> 01:05:43,280
Speaker 5: after me doing all that work, like if he lets

1460
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 5: you walk, he lets you walk, but I'm not talking

1461
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:47,200
Speaker 5: to him. You have to figure that out. And so

1462
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:49,880
Speaker 5: I like was like please please, I really want to walk,

1463
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:51,160
Speaker 5: And then he let me walk.

1464
01:05:51,480 --> 01:05:56,000
Speaker 4: I clean the auditorium, yeah, I was like. And then

1465
01:05:56,000 --> 01:05:59,000
Speaker 4: they kept telling the assistant principal was like the terrorists.

1466
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:00,640
Speaker 4: I think that's enough she did. I said, no, no,

1467
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:02,360
Speaker 4: you got anything else? As a test where I have

1468
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 4: nothing else, We have nothing else to do, find something.

1469
01:06:05,120 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 4: She had the janitorial cat because they watched. She's like,

1470
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:10,960
Speaker 4: she's been here all week. We have nothing else for

1471
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:11,560
Speaker 4: her to do.

1472
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:13,400
Speaker 2: Nothing else.

1473
01:06:13,480 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 5: What I think about it?

1474
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 3: Got everything?

1475
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,640
Speaker 2: She was driving the school. Yeah, mad, she said. Everybody

1476
01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 2: else they over here meeting at this.

1477
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 4: My friends are beating at I said, guess what your

1478
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:26,760
Speaker 4: summer vacation they started, yet you're still in school because you.

1479
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:27,480
Speaker 2: Don't know how to act.

1480
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:30,280
Speaker 4: And that girl went and worked for them for free

1481
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 4: for a whole week, going to school everybody else out.

1482
01:06:32,440 --> 01:06:34,480
Speaker 4: She would go to school when they went like the

1483
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:36,080
Speaker 4: typical time you're supposed to go to school, and.

1484
01:06:36,160 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 6: She would leave when it was Yeah, but then you

1485
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 6: saw right like you made amends and then you were

1486
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,880
Speaker 6: able to actually get back on tracks.

1487
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:46,640
Speaker 4: So I love that. Yeah, trying to make me go

1488
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 4: here be a pump, trying to make me stack guys,

1489
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 4: let run over me.

1490
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:49,760
Speaker 8: Dad.

1491
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 4: He was certain to get his problems back because I

1492
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 4: was like, I said, I don't recall, just do whatever

1493
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:58,200
Speaker 4: she wants to. I would give her grace where I

1494
01:06:58,280 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 4: knew it worked when she said, you're loving me like

1495
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:04,720
Speaker 4: Jesus does, is that when I don't deserve it, you'll

1496
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 4: still bless me anyway. And I literally while she was crying,

1497
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:10,760
Speaker 4: I shed some tears and I was like, Wow, that's

1498
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:11,920
Speaker 4: extremely important.

1499
01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:14,600
Speaker 2: So y'all go off to college.

1500
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:17,280
Speaker 4: Before y'all went out to college, well going getting ready

1501
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:20,000
Speaker 4: to problem that we left out is that I took

1502
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:23,040
Speaker 4: you to prepare for prom tay when it got you

1503
01:07:23,120 --> 01:07:26,200
Speaker 4: fitted for your tuxedo, addressed you, we took a little

1504
01:07:26,240 --> 01:07:27,080
Speaker 4: dope photo with that.

1505
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:28,440
Speaker 2: How important was that?

1506
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:30,080
Speaker 3: That was awesome?

1507
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:33,440
Speaker 1: I think for numerous reasons, but the two that I'll

1508
01:07:33,440 --> 01:07:37,920
Speaker 1: stick to is it's not normal to be courting someone

1509
01:07:38,120 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 1: and then their dad to be like either liking you

1510
01:07:40,840 --> 01:07:43,240
Speaker 1: enough or interested enough to even be like willing to

1511
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 1: be a part of that moment or wanting to because

1512
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:51,360
Speaker 1: you offered. And then two like me growing up single mom,

1513
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:55,320
Speaker 1: like I didn't have that father figure that that man present.

1514
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:59,920
Speaker 3: So I think for me, like, what's weird is you

1515
01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:00,960
Speaker 3: don't know what you don't know.

1516
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 1: So it's like just being there kind of seeing that,

1517
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:05,320
Speaker 1: making sure I got this right, get getting the tie right?

1518
01:08:05,400 --> 01:08:05,840
Speaker 3: How you do this?

1519
01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 7: Man?

1520
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:07,680
Speaker 3: You put this on like this, you get this jacket

1521
01:08:07,760 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 3: on like that, like it was cool.

1522
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:12,720
Speaker 1: It was cool because again, I don't think many people

1523
01:08:12,760 --> 01:08:14,600
Speaker 1: will be sitting their daughter off to promise somebody and

1524
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:16,880
Speaker 1: then involved enough to be like, I'm gonna make sure

1525
01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:18,000
Speaker 1: all the way together too, like.

1526
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,240
Speaker 4: And my cue for that was that if I could

1527
01:08:22,520 --> 01:08:26,800
Speaker 4: love who she loves, that makes the love even greater,

1528
01:08:27,520 --> 01:08:30,479
Speaker 4: because if I can show you that, it's not just

1529
01:08:31,160 --> 01:08:33,240
Speaker 4: because I never want to be a type of father

1530
01:08:33,600 --> 01:08:37,960
Speaker 4: that quote unquote choose sides, whereas like whatever she says is,

1531
01:08:38,080 --> 01:08:40,400
Speaker 4: she got to be right, because if you must have

1532
01:08:40,439 --> 01:08:42,560
Speaker 4: did something, if she did this, I always want to

1533
01:08:42,600 --> 01:08:44,080
Speaker 4: be the person that was level had to be like

1534
01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:46,920
Speaker 4: what happened, all right, let's talk about it and be

1535
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,240
Speaker 4: able to share her heart to you and your heart

1536
01:08:49,280 --> 01:08:50,040
Speaker 4: to her so that.

1537
01:08:50,120 --> 01:08:51,320
Speaker 2: There could be clear understanding.

1538
01:08:51,400 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 4: I want to make sure that the love became the

1539
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:56,800
Speaker 4: main thing, and not choosing sides like that's why I

1540
01:08:56,960 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 4: liked it.

1541
01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:58,960
Speaker 2: I been mean to tell you this Lateria, I never

1542
01:08:59,080 --> 01:09:00,880
Speaker 2: liked to you anyway. I just been pretending. You know

1543
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,000
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, like that's that's that's that's toxic.

1544
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:04,840
Speaker 4: I always want to be somebody to be like, no,

1545
01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:06,960
Speaker 4: that's a good dude, and be able to identify there's

1546
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:07,799
Speaker 4: nobody perfect.

1547
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:09,559
Speaker 2: It's just people that are learning.

1548
01:09:09,680 --> 01:09:11,479
Speaker 4: And if y'all could give each other the grace to

1549
01:09:11,640 --> 01:09:14,160
Speaker 4: learn in the process, y'all can have something amazing together.

1550
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:14,800
Speaker 2: Uh.

1551
01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:16,880
Speaker 4: Before y'all went off to college, I made you sign

1552
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:18,519
Speaker 4: some paperwork. What was that paperwork? Ta?

1553
01:09:18,760 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 3: Oh god?

1554
01:09:20,640 --> 01:09:22,360
Speaker 1: This is this is hilarious because I don't know if

1555
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:25,200
Speaker 1: anybody's ever heard of this before, but this man drafted

1556
01:09:25,280 --> 01:09:29,400
Speaker 1: up essentially a purity contract, as in, you sign these

1557
01:09:29,439 --> 01:09:32,240
Speaker 1: papers as you're going off the school, which means keep

1558
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,280
Speaker 1: your hands off my daughter. I might have to bring

1559
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:35,920
Speaker 1: it back. I might need to I might need to copy.

1560
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:41,280
Speaker 1: I might need to copy emails, Yeah, I might. I

1561
01:09:41,360 --> 01:09:43,439
Speaker 1: might need to get the original drafts. Make sure I

1562
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:44,280
Speaker 1: messed nothing up.

1563
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:46,000
Speaker 2: When I did that. You feel like I was doing

1564
01:09:46,040 --> 01:09:46,400
Speaker 2: too much?

1565
01:09:47,280 --> 01:09:50,280
Speaker 3: No, I mean again, stage has been said. We didn't

1566
01:09:50,320 --> 01:09:50,759
Speaker 3: just meet.

1567
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:53,560
Speaker 5: Expected it.

1568
01:09:54,439 --> 01:09:56,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was surprised when it didn't come earlier.

1569
01:09:56,360 --> 01:09:59,479
Speaker 2: Just kidd No.

1570
01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:02,240
Speaker 1: But like a big change like that, and like sending

1571
01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:05,519
Speaker 1: your kid off somewhere, I can't even project forward to

1572
01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:08,000
Speaker 1: even think like trying to send her to a school anywhere.

1573
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, you're gonna be right down in the street

1574
01:10:09,400 --> 01:10:10,479
Speaker 3: at unt or something like that.

1575
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:13,599
Speaker 1: I don't know where you think you going, Yeah, but yeah,

1576
01:10:13,640 --> 01:10:15,439
Speaker 1: it's like a scary thing, like you're sending your kid

1577
01:10:15,479 --> 01:10:19,880
Speaker 1: off somewhere nonetheless with a boy like you thinking the worst,

1578
01:10:20,080 --> 01:10:22,960
Speaker 1: you're hoping for the best, but anything is possible. So

1579
01:10:23,520 --> 01:10:25,599
Speaker 1: I wouldn't like really bugged out a tripping too much

1580
01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:27,800
Speaker 1: about it. I just know in the moment of what

1581
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,680
Speaker 1: was going on, like I was willing to like be

1582
01:10:30,840 --> 01:10:31,960
Speaker 1: open mind that didn't embrace it.

1583
01:10:32,720 --> 01:10:36,400
Speaker 4: And then what happened when y'all didn't uphold my contract,

1584
01:10:37,680 --> 01:10:38,479
Speaker 4: I don't remember.

1585
01:10:39,360 --> 01:10:43,120
Speaker 5: I felt really bad, but it really not saying I

1586
01:10:43,160 --> 01:10:45,920
Speaker 5: didn't feel bad for disappointing you, but I felt bad

1587
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:48,240
Speaker 5: because like, like when I was younger, I went to

1588
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:50,800
Speaker 5: like purity classes that I had a purity ring. So

1589
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 5: I was like, dang, I met, I can't undo that.

1590
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:58,479
Speaker 5: So I failed. And that sounds like a strong word

1591
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:01,320
Speaker 5: to say, That's how it felt, because I was And.

1592
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:05,479
Speaker 4: It was interesting because you were reluctant to tell me

1593
01:11:05,600 --> 01:11:06,960
Speaker 4: about it, And what made you.

1594
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:10,599
Speaker 5: Decide to tell me because my roommate told on me. Wow,

1595
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:15,400
Speaker 5: Because my roommate was like she basically vocalized to her

1596
01:11:15,600 --> 01:11:18,360
Speaker 5: mother that Tay was over there all the time. And

1597
01:11:18,439 --> 01:11:19,960
Speaker 5: then in my head I was like, well, I'm guilty

1598
01:11:20,240 --> 01:11:23,160
Speaker 5: because what is he over here for all the time? Yeah,

1599
01:11:23,240 --> 01:11:25,120
Speaker 5: and I'm like no, no, we just watched TV, like

1600
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:27,720
Speaker 5: you know. It just felt like and I just from

1601
01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:29,960
Speaker 5: then that's when the conviction I think started, because I

1602
01:11:30,080 --> 01:11:32,920
Speaker 5: was like, dang, I can't like it's out like this

1603
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:34,120
Speaker 5: is this is what it is, so.

1604
01:11:35,920 --> 01:11:37,919
Speaker 2: And so and so what was that conversation?

1605
01:11:38,120 --> 01:11:41,200
Speaker 5: Like I remember I was crying. I think I had

1606
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:43,120
Speaker 5: a hard time getting it out. I think you may

1607
01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:45,360
Speaker 5: have had to like ask me and then we say

1608
01:11:45,439 --> 01:11:47,880
Speaker 5: like yes or eventually, because I could not just come

1609
01:11:47,920 --> 01:11:50,559
Speaker 5: out and say that to you. But that was very hard.

1610
01:11:50,680 --> 01:11:54,040
Speaker 5: That was like top three, like hard conversations with your dad.

1611
01:11:54,120 --> 01:11:54,599
Speaker 5: It was hard.

1612
01:11:54,880 --> 01:11:56,000
Speaker 2: And then how did I respond?

1613
01:11:56,720 --> 01:11:58,840
Speaker 5: I don't remember your response, which means you're probably just

1614
01:11:58,960 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 5: kind of like, well, you did it.

1615
01:12:02,880 --> 01:12:06,320
Speaker 2: So so and that's how it was.

1616
01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:09,080
Speaker 4: I literally said, and I said, and I guarantee you this.

1617
01:12:09,200 --> 01:12:12,960
Speaker 4: I said, I remember this specifically, and I said, and

1618
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:15,920
Speaker 4: I bet you. Now, y'all have arguments over trivial stuff.

1619
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:19,040
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and then you said yeah yeah.

1620
01:12:19,120 --> 01:12:21,720
Speaker 4: I said, because what happens is Pandora box is now

1621
01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:25,639
Speaker 4: open and the Bible says never awaken love before it's time.

1622
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:28,240
Speaker 2: And I said that now y'all are just arguing over

1623
01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:30,120
Speaker 2: stupid stuff. Huh. You was like, how you know that?

1624
01:12:30,240 --> 01:12:31,519
Speaker 2: I said, because that's just what happens.

1625
01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:34,519
Speaker 4: I said, y'all could be so great together, so cool together,

1626
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:37,400
Speaker 4: getting along, and then you do you introduce sin into

1627
01:12:37,439 --> 01:12:39,519
Speaker 4: the relationship, and now look at what happened.

1628
01:12:39,560 --> 01:12:41,200
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, weould be fighting over oh you know

1629
01:12:41,240 --> 01:12:43,000
Speaker 2: what we find interview and this this?

1630
01:12:43,160 --> 01:12:46,439
Speaker 4: I said that hard yeah, and and my whole thing

1631
01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:49,320
Speaker 4: is I'm always pray with you, I'm always pray for you,

1632
01:12:49,439 --> 01:12:52,600
Speaker 4: I'm always pray over you. And I am talking to

1633
01:12:52,680 --> 01:12:54,840
Speaker 4: Tay and told him saying things like, hey, y'all deal

1634
01:12:54,880 --> 01:12:55,200
Speaker 4: with y'all.

1635
01:12:55,240 --> 01:12:55,880
Speaker 2: Did y'all wrong?

1636
01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:59,200
Speaker 4: And so my whole thing is this what I've always

1637
01:12:59,360 --> 01:13:01,400
Speaker 4: tried to. I ain't gonnaven say what I tried to.

1638
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:04,120
Speaker 4: I'm gonna ask you, what do you think I was

1639
01:13:04,240 --> 01:13:06,479
Speaker 4: trying to show you through my parenting style.

1640
01:13:09,800 --> 01:13:12,479
Speaker 5: I've never thought about that before, but I think you

1641
01:13:12,560 --> 01:13:15,680
Speaker 5: were trying to show me like kind of like what

1642
01:13:15,920 --> 01:13:19,840
Speaker 5: grace means, and kind of like making a mistake, but

1643
01:13:20,040 --> 01:13:22,000
Speaker 5: like you don't have to become your mistake. Just because

1644
01:13:22,000 --> 01:13:23,599
Speaker 5: you made a mistake, you can still grow from them.

1645
01:13:23,600 --> 01:13:28,600
Speaker 5: It's important to learn from your mistakes. I think you

1646
01:13:28,720 --> 01:13:31,280
Speaker 5: also taught me how to be a good parent, even

1647
01:13:31,320 --> 01:13:33,559
Speaker 5: though when you were parenting me, I didn't think about

1648
01:13:33,600 --> 01:13:35,479
Speaker 5: how to be a good parent. But now when I

1649
01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:38,320
Speaker 5: think about me, I can just see myself talking clear,

1650
01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:41,160
Speaker 5: you're off and you get in trouble, and I'll be like, sorry,

1651
01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:42,160
Speaker 5: this is what I know how to do.

1652
01:13:44,880 --> 01:13:47,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, sorry, let's put framework around. Though you'd be like

1653
01:13:47,800 --> 01:13:49,400
Speaker 6: five hour conversation, you.

1654
01:13:49,479 --> 01:13:52,000
Speaker 4: Know five when I talked to be like, well, talking

1655
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:54,360
Speaker 4: Latia about Ladarian, but there will be five it'd be

1656
01:13:54,400 --> 01:13:54,840
Speaker 4: about hour.

1657
01:13:55,600 --> 01:13:57,640
Speaker 5: And how many hours does your uncle talk to you?

1658
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:05,000
Speaker 3: If you didn't hear that hours.

1659
01:14:06,800 --> 01:14:07,120
Speaker 2: Hours.

1660
01:14:07,240 --> 01:14:10,320
Speaker 3: Yes, we're gonna start sitting stopwatches.

1661
01:14:11,360 --> 01:14:19,679
Speaker 2: Beginning of this year. What we were talking about New Year's?

1662
01:14:19,680 --> 01:14:20,519
Speaker 2: What happened New Year's?

1663
01:14:27,240 --> 01:14:33,080
Speaker 6: Yes, it can be a four it could be a

1664
01:14:33,160 --> 01:14:35,519
Speaker 6: four or five hour conversations.

1665
01:14:35,680 --> 01:14:39,439
Speaker 2: Parent, very present happened.

1666
01:14:39,439 --> 01:14:41,320
Speaker 4: I'm gonna tell you what happened to a couple of

1667
01:14:41,360 --> 01:14:44,120
Speaker 4: weeks ago or last week, I think that was last week.

1668
01:14:45,720 --> 01:14:49,120
Speaker 4: Laterry the Ladarian did something he wasn't supposed to do again,

1669
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:51,439
Speaker 4: and I was real short with him, I said, I

1670
01:14:52,760 --> 01:14:55,760
Speaker 4: when I say. The next day he told me he

1671
01:14:55,920 --> 01:14:59,720
Speaker 4: felt what did you say you felt? He felt like

1672
01:14:59,760 --> 01:15:00,400
Speaker 4: I didn't care?

1673
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:02,760
Speaker 5: I would too, he said.

1674
01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:04,800
Speaker 2: I said why. He said, because you didn't talk to

1675
01:15:04,880 --> 01:15:06,040
Speaker 2: me like you don't me talk to you.

1676
01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:08,160
Speaker 4: I said, because I got so tired of telling you

1677
01:15:08,240 --> 01:15:10,120
Speaker 4: the same stuff over and over again that I didn't

1678
01:15:10,120 --> 01:15:13,200
Speaker 4: want to waste another breath. And he said, and I

1679
01:15:13,400 --> 01:15:16,439
Speaker 4: felt it. He said, I'd rather you talk to me

1680
01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:19,280
Speaker 4: because it shows that you care. Because the key what

1681
01:15:19,439 --> 01:15:21,280
Speaker 4: you have been telling our money. One time you said,

1682
01:15:21,479 --> 01:15:24,280
Speaker 4: if the Terris don't talk to you, that means he

1683
01:15:24,320 --> 01:15:27,040
Speaker 4: don't care. Yeah, if I don't have a long conversation,

1684
01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:30,040
Speaker 4: which it means it's a rap, I'm already checking out.

1685
01:15:30,080 --> 01:15:32,519
Speaker 4: I feel like it's impossible. I feel like you just

1686
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:34,880
Speaker 4: it's just I ain't finna waste the breath. I'd be like,

1687
01:15:35,000 --> 01:15:37,320
Speaker 4: all right, And that's that's why I did with La Darren.

1688
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:38,280
Speaker 2: I was so done.

1689
01:15:38,439 --> 01:15:40,840
Speaker 4: I was like, all right, I'm done. He sat there

1690
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:43,200
Speaker 4: and walked off, and I watched him walk into his

1691
01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:46,560
Speaker 4: room like feeling like a complete failure. And because what

1692
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:49,400
Speaker 4: happens in the conversations is going to start off with

1693
01:15:49,520 --> 01:15:51,560
Speaker 4: me talking about what you did wrong, how can you

1694
01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:53,840
Speaker 4: fix that, why you do that, all that, and then

1695
01:15:53,920 --> 01:15:55,840
Speaker 4: by the end of it, I'm going to edify you

1696
01:15:55,960 --> 01:15:58,000
Speaker 4: at the end and be like, Okay, now what can

1697
01:15:58,040 --> 01:15:59,960
Speaker 4: you do? Can you make a bad decision? I believe

1698
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:01,479
Speaker 4: you could do this, this, this, It's gonna come back

1699
01:16:01,479 --> 01:16:04,599
Speaker 4: to the edification process and then I'll send you off

1700
01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:05,000
Speaker 4: with grace.

1701
01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:05,320
Speaker 2: Yes.

1702
01:16:06,080 --> 01:16:09,599
Speaker 4: But when that moment, I was like, this kid is hopeless,

1703
01:16:09,880 --> 01:16:11,560
Speaker 4: Like I can tell him something one day and the

1704
01:16:11,640 --> 01:16:12,439
Speaker 4: next day you forget it.

1705
01:16:12,520 --> 01:16:14,280
Speaker 2: And I literally was just like, I don't even care.

1706
01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:16,040
Speaker 5: It's not hopeless. He's just a teenager.

1707
01:16:16,120 --> 01:16:18,519
Speaker 4: Yes, but I felt hopeless in it and didn't and

1708
01:16:18,720 --> 01:16:21,479
Speaker 4: literally didn't even have that conversation with him, and he

1709
01:16:21,600 --> 01:16:23,919
Speaker 4: felt that. The next day we had a deeper conversation

1710
01:16:23,960 --> 01:16:25,599
Speaker 4: about it because he brought it up. He's like, can

1711
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,080
Speaker 4: we talk about this, this, this, this, this, And he said, well,

1712
01:16:28,160 --> 01:16:30,200
Speaker 4: thank you for talking to me today, because yesterday it

1713
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:31,720
Speaker 4: hurt me when you didn't want to talk. I said,

1714
01:16:31,720 --> 01:16:33,920
Speaker 4: I thought my long conversations frustrate you. He was like, no,

1715
01:16:34,080 --> 01:16:35,240
Speaker 4: it shows that you cared.

1716
01:16:35,800 --> 01:16:37,439
Speaker 3: And I was like, I think it does a little

1717
01:16:37,439 --> 01:16:37,800
Speaker 3: bit of both.

1718
01:16:39,120 --> 01:16:40,880
Speaker 5: I was gonna say because I forgot about that part.

1719
01:16:40,920 --> 01:16:43,040
Speaker 5: But like, at the end of the conversations with you,

1720
01:16:43,479 --> 01:16:46,920
Speaker 5: I always left feeling feeling good. I never felt like,

1721
01:16:47,120 --> 01:16:49,080
Speaker 5: oh my god, I just feel like a horrible person.

1722
01:16:49,400 --> 01:16:51,400
Speaker 5: You weren't like yelling at me or cussing at me

1723
01:16:51,520 --> 01:16:54,120
Speaker 5: or anything crazy like you said. You would start off

1724
01:16:54,160 --> 01:16:56,080
Speaker 5: with me explaining myself and then you were like poor

1725
01:16:56,120 --> 01:16:58,519
Speaker 5: love back into me, and so you're better than they're smart,

1726
01:16:58,600 --> 01:17:01,360
Speaker 5: You're this or that. I didn't I didn't think about

1727
01:17:01,400 --> 01:17:02,760
Speaker 5: that because when in the moment, when you're a kid,

1728
01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:05,720
Speaker 5: you're just like, oh my god, to me, I'll be

1729
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:06,360
Speaker 5: here forever.

1730
01:17:08,520 --> 01:17:08,760
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1731
01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:11,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, I always we always.

1732
01:17:12,800 --> 01:17:16,639
Speaker 4: Down please a consequence, Yeah, because it don't be a consequence,

1733
01:17:16,720 --> 01:17:18,720
Speaker 4: because I feel like, let's talk through it. I don't

1734
01:17:18,760 --> 01:17:20,960
Speaker 4: have to give you a consequence after that, because at

1735
01:17:20,960 --> 01:17:24,599
Speaker 4: the end of the day, I believe that given instruction,

1736
01:17:24,760 --> 01:17:26,680
Speaker 4: having a conversation and sending you on your way to

1737
01:17:26,840 --> 01:17:29,160
Speaker 4: something greater, that we can go do that show me

1738
01:17:29,360 --> 01:17:31,560
Speaker 4: that you've learned from this moment and do better. I

1739
01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:33,479
Speaker 4: don't have to say and now I'm gonnaunish you. When

1740
01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:35,000
Speaker 4: it gets to that point, then I just be like you,

1741
01:17:35,160 --> 01:17:37,479
Speaker 4: just you, just you just hard hited. Now I got

1742
01:17:37,560 --> 01:17:39,759
Speaker 4: to give you a consequence. And when I give a consequence,

1743
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:40,920
Speaker 4: it's gonna be well thought out.

1744
01:17:41,280 --> 01:17:44,400
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So before you leave on that, I want

1745
01:17:44,439 --> 01:17:47,400
Speaker 1: to one give you props on the conversation things. I

1746
01:17:47,479 --> 01:17:49,880
Speaker 1: know we talked a lot about the balance between ensuring

1747
01:17:49,920 --> 01:17:53,240
Speaker 1: you're like having that communication because I think what that

1748
01:17:53,360 --> 01:17:56,080
Speaker 1: does is it especially I've gotten to see the effects

1749
01:17:56,120 --> 01:18:02,280
Speaker 1: of that. It separates the problem the child and instead

1750
01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:04,879
Speaker 1: of them feeling like a bad kid that makes bad mistakes,

1751
01:18:04,920 --> 01:18:07,120
Speaker 1: you're talking through what actually happened, and you're letting them

1752
01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:09,320
Speaker 1: know that you're upset with what's happened, like they're not

1753
01:18:10,680 --> 01:18:13,120
Speaker 1: in and of itself the problem. So I think that's

1754
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:16,000
Speaker 1: important too. And then the consequence, of course, the terrence exists.

1755
01:18:16,080 --> 01:18:18,840
Speaker 1: But if consequences are the only thing that happened, then

1756
01:18:18,880 --> 01:18:21,000
Speaker 1: we could say, okay, well, if somebody goes to jail once, they.

1757
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:22,080
Speaker 3: Won't be back. And that's not the case.

1758
01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:26,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, So the reform part of that and the guiding

1759
01:18:26,960 --> 01:18:29,160
Speaker 1: part of that is important because I think if you're

1760
01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:33,200
Speaker 1: having those conversations early, they expect that it feels weird.

1761
01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:35,400
Speaker 1: Like Laderian just pointed out, it feels weird when it

1762
01:18:35,439 --> 01:18:38,120
Speaker 1: doesn't happen. So when they get older, you're like, Okay,

1763
01:18:38,240 --> 01:18:40,400
Speaker 1: now they're in the teen years or almost eighteen, they're

1764
01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:43,360
Speaker 1: reaching that point to where they are armed with this

1765
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:46,120
Speaker 1: knowledge that you've instilled in them, and they're starting to

1766
01:18:46,160 --> 01:18:50,599
Speaker 1: feel independent, but you're still like playing tug of war

1767
01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:52,639
Speaker 1: trying to keep that influence and ensuring that they still

1768
01:18:52,760 --> 01:18:55,400
Speaker 1: listen to instructions although they're like, well, you've been preparing

1769
01:18:55,439 --> 01:18:57,400
Speaker 1: me for this. So I think both sides can kind

1770
01:18:57,400 --> 01:19:00,479
Speaker 1: of struggle with that transition. But the way that you're

1771
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:04,600
Speaker 1: going about it, as they enter adult adulthood, she's entered adulthood,

1772
01:19:06,240 --> 01:19:08,320
Speaker 1: you still have that space, that space to talk because

1773
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:09,800
Speaker 1: you don't you no longer have the ability to give

1774
01:19:09,800 --> 01:19:13,280
Speaker 1: the consequences at all. That's gone, but you can always

1775
01:19:13,280 --> 01:19:15,439
Speaker 1: still have that conversation. So I think that's important to

1776
01:19:15,479 --> 01:19:19,479
Speaker 1: point out the importance of that. Yes, And separately, I

1777
01:19:19,560 --> 01:19:24,040
Speaker 1: think on the parents side, if you're superheated with whatever,

1778
01:19:24,240 --> 01:19:26,840
Speaker 1: just happened if we jumped straight into deciding a consequence.

1779
01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:29,640
Speaker 1: I think, imagine if judges got to do that, Like,

1780
01:19:30,400 --> 01:19:33,280
Speaker 1: imagine if whoever you just wrong got to immediately give

1781
01:19:33,320 --> 01:19:36,200
Speaker 1: you a consequence like what that looked like. But they

1782
01:19:36,280 --> 01:19:38,280
Speaker 1: get to understand what they did wrong, but you also

1783
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:40,160
Speaker 1: get an understanding of where their head was that and

1784
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:41,519
Speaker 1: how they ended up where they were. And I think

1785
01:19:41,520 --> 01:19:44,160
Speaker 1: you can relate to that a lot better and maybe

1786
01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:45,840
Speaker 1: not come down as hard and come from a place

1787
01:19:45,880 --> 01:19:48,519
Speaker 1: of understanding. So that's why a lot of consequences probably

1788
01:19:48,520 --> 01:19:51,160
Speaker 1: didn't follow. The talks went long enough that he understood

1789
01:19:51,240 --> 01:19:54,360
Speaker 1: enough and related enough to not jump down too hard.

1790
01:19:54,840 --> 01:19:56,920
Speaker 4: And what I also used to do is I will

1791
01:19:57,000 --> 01:19:59,960
Speaker 4: always share transparent these mistakes I made.

1792
01:20:00,320 --> 01:20:00,760
Speaker 5: It's true.

1793
01:20:00,960 --> 01:20:03,080
Speaker 2: I will always say that I will always lead.

1794
01:20:03,120 --> 01:20:05,680
Speaker 4: I'll be like, listen, when I was your age, I

1795
01:20:05,840 --> 01:20:08,439
Speaker 4: did this, this, this, this, and you're better than I

1796
01:20:08,640 --> 01:20:11,240
Speaker 4: am when I was your age. I'm always I said

1797
01:20:11,320 --> 01:20:13,439
Speaker 4: to Ladarian all the time, I say, Ladarien, you are

1798
01:20:13,520 --> 01:20:15,680
Speaker 4: a virgin. I said when I was your age, I

1799
01:20:15,840 --> 01:20:17,880
Speaker 4: was not. I was giving birth to my first child.

1800
01:20:18,160 --> 01:20:20,720
Speaker 4: So you're doing great at this. You're you're doing I'm

1801
01:20:20,960 --> 01:20:22,760
Speaker 4: always say what you're doing. I'd be like, now, are

1802
01:20:22,800 --> 01:20:25,200
Speaker 4: you telling me the truth? Though I don't want to

1803
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:27,920
Speaker 4: give you props? And it's a lot, yeah, I said,

1804
01:20:27,960 --> 01:20:29,559
Speaker 4: because I want to give you. I want to tell

1805
01:20:29,560 --> 01:20:32,200
Speaker 4: you what you're doing right where I wasn't doing right,

1806
01:20:32,640 --> 01:20:35,760
Speaker 4: you know. And or I'll say stuff like when I

1807
01:20:35,960 --> 01:20:38,120
Speaker 4: was like looking for jobs whatever I said. When I

1808
01:20:38,160 --> 01:20:40,120
Speaker 4: was a job, I had to go find it myself.

1809
01:20:40,200 --> 01:20:42,840
Speaker 4: I didn't have a parent going through my resume like

1810
01:20:42,960 --> 01:20:45,240
Speaker 4: Ash is doing with you. I didn't have nobody.

1811
01:20:45,160 --> 01:20:47,600
Speaker 2: Taking me to the job. I didn't have that. And

1812
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:49,240
Speaker 2: I said, and I'm giving.

1813
01:20:48,960 --> 01:20:52,320
Speaker 4: You all these tools and support and asses come along

1814
01:20:52,439 --> 01:20:54,600
Speaker 4: making sure that your resume is right, making sure that

1815
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:58,280
Speaker 4: when you do an application that you're answering it properly,

1816
01:20:58,360 --> 01:20:59,559
Speaker 4: and all that I didn't have, all that I had

1817
01:20:59,560 --> 01:21:02,080
Speaker 4: to learn from myself. So how dare you have all

1818
01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:05,040
Speaker 4: this help and you still not doing it? Like so

1819
01:21:05,160 --> 01:21:07,680
Speaker 4: I said, Are we are we hindering you because we're

1820
01:21:07,720 --> 01:21:08,559
Speaker 4: helping you too much?

1821
01:21:09,000 --> 01:21:09,200
Speaker 2: Or what?

1822
01:21:09,760 --> 01:21:12,960
Speaker 4: And so those are type of conversations that we would

1823
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:15,920
Speaker 4: be having. I'm always lead with my mistakes. I'm always

1824
01:21:15,960 --> 01:21:17,720
Speaker 4: show you the scars in my hand. I'm gonna say

1825
01:21:17,760 --> 01:21:19,680
Speaker 4: this is what I did. I made mistakes because I

1826
01:21:19,800 --> 01:21:23,439
Speaker 4: want you ever thinking that you're I remember a conversation

1827
01:21:23,560 --> 01:21:25,560
Speaker 4: that you and I had where I first told you

1828
01:21:25,680 --> 01:21:29,519
Speaker 4: about the infidelity that I had because you were beating

1829
01:21:29,560 --> 01:21:32,120
Speaker 4: yourself up, saying, I feel like a failure. I feel

1830
01:21:32,200 --> 01:21:35,479
Speaker 4: like because you were struggling in science and didn't feel

1831
01:21:35,520 --> 01:21:37,360
Speaker 4: like you were the most talented kid at the school,

1832
01:21:37,600 --> 01:21:40,400
Speaker 4: and you were like beating yourself up really really bad,

1833
01:21:40,800 --> 01:21:42,639
Speaker 4: I mean really bad.

1834
01:21:42,840 --> 01:21:43,439
Speaker 2: And I told her.

1835
01:21:43,520 --> 01:21:45,680
Speaker 4: He was like, and you're just so perfect. I just

1836
01:21:45,760 --> 01:21:48,439
Speaker 4: wish my life could be like yours. You're so talented,

1837
01:21:48,760 --> 01:21:51,120
Speaker 4: everybody likes you. You're this, this, this, this this.

1838
01:21:51,760 --> 01:21:53,880
Speaker 2: And then that's when I told you I'm not perfect.

1839
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:57,800
Speaker 2: I cheated on my wife and he was like what.

1840
01:21:58,680 --> 01:22:02,040
Speaker 4: And so I'm always with transparency because I don't want

1841
01:22:02,160 --> 01:22:05,000
Speaker 4: nobody on this earth to think that I got it

1842
01:22:05,080 --> 01:22:05,559
Speaker 4: all together.

1843
01:22:06,120 --> 01:22:07,600
Speaker 2: People are amazed.

1844
01:22:07,160 --> 01:22:09,680
Speaker 4: By how transparent I am on dear future wife, but

1845
01:22:09,760 --> 01:22:12,040
Speaker 4: it's because I started that out in my private life.

1846
01:22:12,360 --> 01:22:18,080
Speaker 4: There's nobody outside of you and my wife now since

1847
01:22:18,120 --> 01:22:20,040
Speaker 4: I'm married, but there was at that time, was you,

1848
01:22:21,080 --> 01:22:26,120
Speaker 4: nobody who's approval that I sought greater than you. So

1849
01:22:26,240 --> 01:22:28,160
Speaker 4: it didn't matter what nobody else said. You know what

1850
01:22:28,160 --> 01:22:33,000
Speaker 4: I'm saying, Like even now, what my wife thinks about me,

1851
01:22:33,360 --> 01:22:36,120
Speaker 4: it's superiod to anybody else. So people can sit on

1852
01:22:36,200 --> 01:22:37,960
Speaker 4: social media say whatever they want to say, and I'd

1853
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:39,439
Speaker 4: be like, I don't have to go home, y'all. Y'all

1854
01:22:39,479 --> 01:22:42,240
Speaker 4: don't mean nothing to me. You mean nothing to me.

1855
01:22:42,800 --> 01:22:45,400
Speaker 4: What does my wife say about me? And so the

1856
01:22:45,479 --> 01:22:47,599
Speaker 4: greatest thing I had to do is confess my faults

1857
01:22:47,640 --> 01:22:50,000
Speaker 4: with someone that looked at me like superman, you know,

1858
01:22:50,320 --> 01:22:52,120
Speaker 4: And so that was a lot.

1859
01:22:52,280 --> 01:22:54,200
Speaker 2: What did that do for you? To show you the

1860
01:22:54,320 --> 01:22:55,719
Speaker 2: frailties of your father?

1861
01:22:56,520 --> 01:22:59,400
Speaker 5: It was honestly heartbreaking because I did think that you

1862
01:22:59,520 --> 01:23:02,640
Speaker 5: were perfect And that sounds so silly when I say it,

1863
01:23:02,760 --> 01:23:05,439
Speaker 5: but that's that's truly what I thought. And then, you know,

1864
01:23:05,600 --> 01:23:08,000
Speaker 5: even being young, I realized that that was like a

1865
01:23:08,160 --> 01:23:11,880
Speaker 5: really big mistake. You can make it a marriage, it's

1866
01:23:11,960 --> 01:23:15,439
Speaker 5: being unfaithful. So I think that did exactly what you

1867
01:23:15,520 --> 01:23:18,240
Speaker 5: amantive to do at that time, which made me think, wow, well,

1868
01:23:18,800 --> 01:23:22,400
Speaker 5: yes I am feeling science, but like I'm not like

1869
01:23:22,680 --> 01:23:26,880
Speaker 5: irredeemable or I'm not this horrible person who doesn't deserve whatever,

1870
01:23:27,080 --> 01:23:30,640
Speaker 5: like it did exactly what you expected for it to do.

1871
01:23:31,560 --> 01:23:33,320
Speaker 2: Why is it important as a parent?

1872
01:23:33,439 --> 01:23:36,120
Speaker 4: And maybe y'all may not adopt that same philosophy, or

1873
01:23:36,160 --> 01:23:40,160
Speaker 4: maybe y'all will to lead with your own.

1874
01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:42,439
Speaker 2: Transparency and vulnerability as a parent. Do you feel like

1875
01:23:42,479 --> 01:23:43,040
Speaker 2: that's important?

1876
01:23:43,120 --> 01:23:45,000
Speaker 1: Hey, yeah, I'm gonna jump in on this one because

1877
01:23:45,000 --> 01:23:46,360
Speaker 1: I got to see the other side of that. So

1878
01:23:46,920 --> 01:23:49,640
Speaker 1: as all of this is happening, like I'm there, I

1879
01:23:49,720 --> 01:23:50,040
Speaker 1: got to.

1880
01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:51,920
Speaker 3: See she's having such a good time.

1881
01:23:52,720 --> 01:23:55,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I got to see like the impact of that,

1882
01:23:55,640 --> 01:23:58,400
Speaker 1: like to go from viewing someone like you said as Superman,

1883
01:23:58,479 --> 01:24:02,200
Speaker 1: it's perfect who. A lot of the qualities that she

1884
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:04,479
Speaker 1: likes that I have, like the way that I carry myself,

1885
01:24:04,560 --> 01:24:07,320
Speaker 1: the way that I lead, like they resemble you, and

1886
01:24:07,400 --> 01:24:11,000
Speaker 1: that's what she looked for. So I think for a

1887
01:24:11,160 --> 01:24:13,519
Speaker 1: brief period in time it kind of heightened like lack

1888
01:24:13,560 --> 01:24:15,599
Speaker 1: of trust, and that like spread to me as well,

1889
01:24:15,680 --> 01:24:19,120
Speaker 1: like if this man can do this, like this boy

1890
01:24:19,320 --> 01:24:22,160
Speaker 1: can do whatever. But I think that it was really

1891
01:24:22,200 --> 01:24:25,559
Speaker 1: important to do that because I think as she got

1892
01:24:25,680 --> 01:24:29,559
Speaker 1: some mourn the perfect image of you, she created space

1893
01:24:29,840 --> 01:24:33,439
Speaker 1: to have grace for you as a human. And I

1894
01:24:33,520 --> 01:24:36,040
Speaker 1: think it's too easy to see someone who's like all

1895
01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:39,439
Speaker 1: capable and always shows up and it's always reliable and

1896
01:24:40,040 --> 01:24:42,919
Speaker 1: a like this not perfect. And I think that practice

1897
01:24:42,960 --> 01:24:46,240
Speaker 1: and that understanding like got to bleed over into trying

1898
01:24:46,280 --> 01:24:48,920
Speaker 1: to grow with me, like going from kids to adults.

1899
01:24:50,080 --> 01:24:52,880
Speaker 1: So I think without that, like you can hold very

1900
01:24:52,960 --> 01:24:55,960
Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations for another person if you have a standard

1901
01:24:56,000 --> 01:25:00,439
Speaker 1: of perfection, and we might want to seem perfect, But

1902
01:25:00,800 --> 01:25:03,559
Speaker 1: I don't think that does any good to whoever's modeling

1903
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:05,280
Speaker 1: their future relationship out For you.

1904
01:25:06,760 --> 01:25:10,200
Speaker 2: That was so well said, Yeah, it's real something about that.

1905
01:25:11,680 --> 01:25:12,320
Speaker 8: Uh, And.

1906
01:25:13,960 --> 01:25:16,400
Speaker 2: So did you feel like you started developing trust issues

1907
01:25:16,439 --> 01:25:16,760
Speaker 2: with Tay?

1908
01:25:17,000 --> 01:25:22,120
Speaker 5: Absolutely? Yeah. And I'm surprised you remember that because I

1909
01:25:22,200 --> 01:25:25,640
Speaker 5: literally was like, if my dad it's like capable of

1910
01:25:25,760 --> 01:25:30,000
Speaker 5: doing something like that, what is this? That's really how

1911
01:25:30,040 --> 01:25:30,400
Speaker 5: it felt.

1912
01:25:30,520 --> 01:25:33,040
Speaker 6: I will say something about what Lateria said, though, because

1913
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:36,360
Speaker 6: I can definitely relate to that, because when your father

1914
01:25:37,040 --> 01:25:40,800
Speaker 6: does something like that, it feels like, oh my gosh,

1915
01:25:41,280 --> 01:25:44,800
Speaker 6: like if if he can do that, then of course

1916
01:25:45,120 --> 01:25:47,880
Speaker 6: any man that I'm with can can do that as well.

1917
01:25:48,680 --> 01:25:53,519
Speaker 6: So I certainly relate to that because it's not that

1918
01:25:53,640 --> 01:25:57,240
Speaker 6: they did it to you, but it sets the kind

1919
01:25:57,280 --> 01:26:01,200
Speaker 6: of framework for what you know is possible. And especially

1920
01:26:01,280 --> 01:26:03,400
Speaker 6: when you see your dad or your grandfather or the

1921
01:26:03,479 --> 01:26:05,280
Speaker 6: men in your life as that like pillar.

1922
01:26:05,720 --> 01:26:07,759
Speaker 5: Now you're like, oh, man.

1923
01:26:08,120 --> 01:26:10,479
Speaker 6: If he had it together and he did that, and

1924
01:26:10,560 --> 01:26:13,160
Speaker 6: I thought, you know, it really is like having the

1925
01:26:13,280 --> 01:26:14,800
Speaker 6: rug pulled from underneath you.

1926
01:26:15,120 --> 01:26:16,080
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, it was.

1927
01:26:16,120 --> 01:26:18,320
Speaker 4: Real and I felt like And I told her one

1928
01:26:18,400 --> 01:26:21,599
Speaker 4: day in the last episode that we did a couple

1929
01:26:21,640 --> 01:26:24,080
Speaker 4: of years ago. I said, I did do that to you,

1930
01:26:24,320 --> 01:26:27,599
Speaker 4: And I apologize because as a man, we are showing

1931
01:26:27,800 --> 01:26:33,000
Speaker 4: our daughters what it looks like to love a woman properly.

1932
01:26:33,439 --> 01:26:36,439
Speaker 4: And if you show any signs of a chink in

1933
01:26:36,479 --> 01:26:41,040
Speaker 4: your armor where you're doing something that's ungodly, operating in sin,

1934
01:26:41,360 --> 01:26:46,960
Speaker 4: whatever that is, I'm showing her that this is your expectation.

1935
01:26:47,240 --> 01:26:47,880
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

1936
01:26:48,280 --> 01:26:51,679
Speaker 4: And I took it to heart. I took it to heart.

1937
01:26:51,760 --> 01:26:54,360
Speaker 4: But I remember God telling me to tell her that.

1938
01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:58,479
Speaker 4: And her response was I hate cheaters. And when I

1939
01:26:58,560 --> 01:27:00,640
Speaker 4: said that, I hate cheaters, and I looked at her,

1940
01:27:00,640 --> 01:27:02,280
Speaker 4: I was like, thanks. I just sat there and I

1941
01:27:02,400 --> 01:27:02,760
Speaker 4: just took it.

1942
01:27:03,080 --> 01:27:04,360
Speaker 6: I took it on the chin and I was like,

1943
01:27:05,520 --> 01:27:07,960
Speaker 6: but I want to say to that because I know

1944
01:27:08,160 --> 01:27:10,280
Speaker 6: a lot of men feel like that and they wear

1945
01:27:10,439 --> 01:27:12,439
Speaker 6: that for their family, and I just want to say,

1946
01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:15,519
Speaker 6: we're not our mistakes. I think you said that, and

1947
01:27:15,640 --> 01:27:19,559
Speaker 6: so I think that you know you made a mistake,

1948
01:27:20,400 --> 01:27:22,799
Speaker 6: and the important thing is the work.

1949
01:27:22,640 --> 01:27:25,920
Speaker 5: That you do to not become the mistake.

1950
01:27:26,080 --> 01:27:28,280
Speaker 6: Right, not to sit in that and dwell in that,

1951
01:27:28,439 --> 01:27:32,200
Speaker 6: because sometimes when we dwell in the mistake or the

1952
01:27:32,280 --> 01:27:35,160
Speaker 6: decision or the action, then we actually make it bigger

1953
01:27:35,240 --> 01:27:37,639
Speaker 6: than it is. Right now, you are that person because

1954
01:27:37,680 --> 01:27:40,280
Speaker 6: you walk around It's kind of like sometimes when you're dealing,

1955
01:27:40,560 --> 01:27:43,479
Speaker 6: you know, with depression, or you're depressed, and you won't

1956
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:45,840
Speaker 6: go outside and you won't go try to get a job,

1957
01:27:45,920 --> 01:27:49,599
Speaker 6: or you won't like literally, you are giving your body

1958
01:27:49,720 --> 01:27:52,720
Speaker 6: more space to dwell in that. And so what I

1959
01:27:52,920 --> 01:27:55,160
Speaker 6: just want to celebrate you for is that you didn't

1960
01:27:56,240 --> 01:27:59,160
Speaker 6: sit in it. You didn't say, well, I am this,

1961
01:27:59,439 --> 01:28:02,400
Speaker 6: I'm a cheat, like I can never be better. You

1962
01:28:02,600 --> 01:28:05,800
Speaker 6: literally built a whole platform to show the world how

1963
01:28:06,320 --> 01:28:09,639
Speaker 6: you healed publicly, so that you can show up as

1964
01:28:09,760 --> 01:28:12,400
Speaker 6: this mighty man of valor who you've always been because

1965
01:28:12,439 --> 01:28:16,080
Speaker 6: your heart was always pure, your heart ain't never not

1966
01:28:16,280 --> 01:28:16,760
Speaker 6: been pure.

1967
01:28:17,320 --> 01:28:19,400
Speaker 5: I know I just did a double negative there, but

1968
01:28:19,800 --> 01:28:20,880
Speaker 5: your heart, now.

1969
01:28:20,840 --> 01:28:24,920
Speaker 6: Your heart, can't nobody take Yes, It's always been pure.

1970
01:28:25,960 --> 01:28:29,200
Speaker 6: So the mistakes that you made, even Lettaria saw that

1971
01:28:29,320 --> 01:28:32,479
Speaker 6: they were momentary lapses, but they had nothing to do

1972
01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:34,280
Speaker 6: with the man that you are, in the heart that

1973
01:28:34,400 --> 01:28:37,400
Speaker 6: you have and the type of husband that you are

1974
01:28:37,560 --> 01:28:40,240
Speaker 6: to me. And as we celebrate Father's Day, I just

1975
01:28:40,320 --> 01:28:42,599
Speaker 6: want you to know that God broke the mold when

1976
01:28:42,640 --> 01:28:43,240
Speaker 6: he made you.

1977
01:28:44,840 --> 01:28:45,320
Speaker 2: Trying to give me.

1978
01:28:47,400 --> 01:28:50,080
Speaker 6: God broke the mold when he made this one right here.

1979
01:28:51,720 --> 01:28:56,120
Speaker 6: So everything about you strives to be perfect.

1980
01:28:55,840 --> 01:28:56,800
Speaker 5: And to be better.

1981
01:28:57,200 --> 01:28:59,360
Speaker 6: And I just want you to know that I'm proud

1982
01:28:59,400 --> 01:29:02,880
Speaker 6: of the work that you've done, but most importantly, I'm

1983
01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:04,360
Speaker 6: proud that it doesn't just stop.

1984
01:29:05,240 --> 01:29:06,160
Speaker 5: It's continuous.

1985
01:29:06,560 --> 01:29:08,640
Speaker 2: A man, thank you for recognizing that.

1986
01:29:10,200 --> 01:29:11,960
Speaker 4: I'm gonna keep going because if I you know my

1987
01:29:12,040 --> 01:29:14,519
Speaker 4: Loveland words, look at her smile, I'm like.

1988
01:29:18,439 --> 01:29:20,400
Speaker 2: Plitarian When you met her, what did you say?

1989
01:29:21,000 --> 01:29:23,240
Speaker 5: I loved Ashley from the moment I talked to her

1990
01:29:23,280 --> 01:29:28,080
Speaker 5: on the phone. It just felt like it sounds cheesy

1991
01:29:28,120 --> 01:29:29,479
Speaker 5: to say a broath of fresh air. That's what it

1992
01:29:29,560 --> 01:29:35,120
Speaker 5: felt like. It just felt like, finally, that's what First,

1993
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:38,040
Speaker 5: I'm being honest, it was like finally, because I know

1994
01:29:38,080 --> 01:29:40,560
Speaker 5: people don't get to hear my perspective on you know this,

1995
01:29:41,280 --> 01:29:43,560
Speaker 5: But my dad didn't bring people around me that he

1996
01:29:43,760 --> 01:29:46,920
Speaker 5: was just talking to or dating. Like when I met Ashley,

1997
01:29:47,000 --> 01:29:49,800
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, this is serious, Like this is

1998
01:29:50,120 --> 01:29:52,240
Speaker 5: in fact, you told me it was serious. I was like,

1999
01:29:52,520 --> 01:30:01,519
Speaker 5: this is Ashley. I'm marrying her facts Ashley, And I'm like, hey, yeah,

2000
01:30:02,680 --> 01:30:04,600
Speaker 5: you were there but very straight up told me what

2001
01:30:04,720 --> 01:30:07,040
Speaker 5: it was from the beginning. And that's what I expect

2002
01:30:07,080 --> 01:30:09,200
Speaker 5: from him, and that's exactly how.

2003
01:30:09,160 --> 01:30:12,600
Speaker 4: You move so and of course a lot of it

2004
01:30:12,840 --> 01:30:16,560
Speaker 4: was funny because during the wedding they were like you

2005
01:30:16,960 --> 01:30:19,760
Speaker 4: heard some negative people talking out see his daughter ain't there.

2006
01:30:20,080 --> 01:30:23,559
Speaker 4: She's yeah, she don't approve of this marriage. What would

2007
01:30:23,560 --> 01:30:24,200
Speaker 4: you like to say to that?

2008
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:28,320
Speaker 5: That's so silly. First of all, my dad is my

2009
01:30:28,400 --> 01:30:32,600
Speaker 5: best friend. I love him. I love Ashley just you know,

2010
01:30:32,800 --> 01:30:35,960
Speaker 5: based off y'all being together, but even as as a person,

2011
01:30:36,479 --> 01:30:38,800
Speaker 5: like when people ask me about you, people have asked

2012
01:30:38,800 --> 01:30:41,599
Speaker 5: me about her about you, Like she's so kind, she's sweet,

2013
01:30:41,680 --> 01:30:45,000
Speaker 5: and like her soul is just so pure and soft.

2014
01:30:45,200 --> 01:30:48,000
Speaker 5: She just feels like a like a teacher, like your

2015
01:30:48,080 --> 01:30:52,080
Speaker 5: favorite teacher. Was like, yeah, and I knew that, but

2016
01:30:52,280 --> 01:30:54,240
Speaker 5: like that's the best way I could describe it. I'm like,

2017
01:30:54,320 --> 01:30:57,040
Speaker 5: she feels like your favorite teacher who you sit after

2018
01:30:57,120 --> 01:30:59,720
Speaker 5: class with, and you just like trumpa dump on. He said, Oh,

2019
01:31:00,160 --> 01:31:02,840
Speaker 5: and howm I have this going on? Just mad at me?

2020
01:31:03,160 --> 01:31:05,720
Speaker 5: You just feel like a like a safe space. So

2021
01:31:05,840 --> 01:31:07,880
Speaker 5: I think it's very, very silly that everyone thought that

2022
01:31:08,120 --> 01:31:10,960
Speaker 5: I did not support this because I was the first

2023
01:31:11,040 --> 01:31:13,519
Speaker 5: person to be able to see this transpire, and I

2024
01:31:13,560 --> 01:31:15,800
Speaker 5: had a baby. Claire was three months and I was

2025
01:31:15,880 --> 01:31:20,200
Speaker 5: in my early postpartum, I was breastfeeding. I was scared

2026
01:31:20,240 --> 01:31:22,800
Speaker 5: of her getting COVID, and so it was November. You know,

2027
01:31:22,880 --> 01:31:26,320
Speaker 5: it was the last thing anybody should have concluded was

2028
01:31:26,360 --> 01:31:29,280
Speaker 5: that I didn't support it. But people like negativity, so

2029
01:31:29,520 --> 01:31:31,639
Speaker 5: I can't really blame them from jumping to that conclusion.

2030
01:31:32,000 --> 01:31:33,320
Speaker 5: And you sent a voice.

2031
01:31:33,560 --> 01:31:35,560
Speaker 6: I don't know if people knew or picked up on that,

2032
01:31:36,120 --> 01:31:38,920
Speaker 6: but but you were actually the first person because it

2033
01:31:39,000 --> 01:31:42,040
Speaker 6: was the mystery bride and your dad didn't know that

2034
01:31:42,200 --> 01:31:45,000
Speaker 6: we did that. Shout out to Jen, our wedding planner,

2035
01:31:45,040 --> 01:31:46,479
Speaker 6: who really was like, let's do this.

2036
01:31:46,640 --> 01:31:47,439
Speaker 5: This is a good idea.

2037
01:31:47,880 --> 01:31:52,040
Speaker 6: But Jen actually had asked for me to send it

2038
01:31:52,160 --> 01:31:55,160
Speaker 6: back to you, to have you take my name out,

2039
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:58,120
Speaker 6: so that you because you said something, and you said

2040
01:31:58,160 --> 01:32:01,479
Speaker 6: you and Ashley, and so I guess that moment was

2041
01:32:01,520 --> 01:32:04,840
Speaker 6: supposed to be like people not seeing me until like

2042
01:32:05,000 --> 01:32:08,719
Speaker 6: I walked out, but I intentionally left it in because

2043
01:32:08,760 --> 01:32:11,919
Speaker 6: I wanted you to introduce me to everyone.

2044
01:32:12,200 --> 01:32:14,000
Speaker 5: And I loved that. Thank you for doing that. I

2045
01:32:14,080 --> 01:32:17,120
Speaker 5: actually watched it on my phone on YouTube in the car.

2046
01:32:17,240 --> 01:32:19,160
Speaker 5: In the car we were parked at Walmart. She needed

2047
01:32:19,200 --> 01:32:22,000
Speaker 5: formula and stuff and Tay it was inside. I remember

2048
01:32:22,080 --> 01:32:24,200
Speaker 5: when because I mean, you just told me like, hey,

2049
01:32:24,240 --> 01:32:27,040
Speaker 5: can you just send your dad and encouraging word for

2050
01:32:27,240 --> 01:32:28,720
Speaker 5: like if you know you're not going to be here,

2051
01:32:28,800 --> 01:32:30,280
Speaker 5: so just something you want to send him down the

2052
01:32:30,320 --> 01:32:34,040
Speaker 5: aisle with. That's what happened. So when I took in

2053
01:32:34,160 --> 01:32:36,800
Speaker 5: that moment and I said Ashley, and I knew what

2054
01:32:36,920 --> 01:32:39,880
Speaker 5: I said, and I was like she took the name out,

2055
01:32:39,960 --> 01:32:42,920
Speaker 5: Like I was freaking out. I'm like, oh my gosh,

2056
01:32:42,960 --> 01:32:45,120
Speaker 5: I have ruined it. I don't know listen to it.

2057
01:32:45,560 --> 01:32:47,519
Speaker 5: And then I saw the comments coming in like everybody

2058
01:32:47,640 --> 01:32:50,960
Speaker 5: was like Ashley, I was actually actually I was liken,

2059
01:32:52,400 --> 01:32:54,240
Speaker 5: but then it became beautiful because I was like, wait

2060
01:32:54,280 --> 01:32:56,840
Speaker 5: a minute, I got to announced.

2061
01:32:57,880 --> 01:32:57,920
Speaker 2: That.

2062
01:32:58,200 --> 01:32:59,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, I loved it.

2063
01:33:00,160 --> 01:33:01,840
Speaker 2: I was like, where's this voice coming home?

2064
01:33:02,720 --> 01:33:03,479
Speaker 3: I said, who is?

2065
01:33:05,120 --> 01:33:08,040
Speaker 4: I'm not frona cry. I'm not f the cry. I'm

2066
01:33:08,040 --> 01:33:10,280
Speaker 4: gonna sit here and hold it. And I was like wow,

2067
01:33:10,840 --> 01:33:13,680
Speaker 4: I was like that that that was extremely special to.

2068
01:33:13,720 --> 01:33:17,519
Speaker 5: Me because go ahead, I wanted to say too, I've

2069
01:33:17,600 --> 01:33:19,200
Speaker 5: never experienced fomo like that.

2070
01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:20,120
Speaker 2: That was.

2071
01:33:20,400 --> 01:33:23,719
Speaker 5: I'm like, I didn't see the wedding. I wasn't there.

2072
01:33:23,920 --> 01:33:27,000
Speaker 5: It looked fun. Everyone was beautiful. Like that is the

2073
01:33:27,200 --> 01:33:31,599
Speaker 5: height of like som like. But I can't get that back.

2074
01:33:31,880 --> 01:33:34,120
Speaker 5: I don't want to say I regret not going. I

2075
01:33:34,200 --> 01:33:36,920
Speaker 5: regret the situation because had I not had a baby,

2076
01:33:37,479 --> 01:33:39,320
Speaker 5: had she been six months, I would have went. You know,

2077
01:33:39,479 --> 01:33:41,080
Speaker 5: had it been in a different season, I would have went.

2078
01:33:41,320 --> 01:33:43,360
Speaker 5: But it was never a situation where I was upset

2079
01:33:43,400 --> 01:33:45,240
Speaker 5: with y'all. I wanted you guys to postpone it because

2080
01:33:45,240 --> 01:33:47,479
Speaker 5: I've had people say, well, why could they just postpone it?

2081
01:33:47,640 --> 01:33:51,719
Speaker 5: I'm like, postpone their wedding. Listen to what you're saying

2082
01:33:51,800 --> 01:33:54,360
Speaker 5: this sounds crazy, and I'm not a selfish person.

2083
01:33:58,080 --> 01:34:00,599
Speaker 2: Yeah, because if I would said six minds still too.

2084
01:34:00,600 --> 01:34:04,280
Speaker 5: Soon, yeah, I would have been like, no, I'm scared,

2085
01:34:04,320 --> 01:34:05,320
Speaker 5: she's but terry.

2086
01:34:05,320 --> 01:34:06,880
Speaker 2: What do you think it's I'll let you know when

2087
01:34:06,920 --> 01:34:07,400
Speaker 2: it gets.

2088
01:34:10,560 --> 01:34:12,720
Speaker 5: That was never a thought, like they're going to get

2089
01:34:12,720 --> 01:34:14,880
Speaker 5: married without me there, they don't, Like, I never thought that.

2090
01:34:15,760 --> 01:34:17,720
Speaker 2: So I was about to put that in there to

2091
01:34:18,160 --> 01:34:19,400
Speaker 2: tell how you feel missing out.

2092
01:34:20,400 --> 01:34:20,600
Speaker 4: You know.

2093
01:34:21,920 --> 01:34:24,720
Speaker 1: I was in a similar headspace of just like surviving.

2094
01:34:26,400 --> 01:34:28,960
Speaker 1: Like I was still off from work, so just like

2095
01:34:29,120 --> 01:34:31,080
Speaker 1: being able to take time off that's also awesome, But

2096
01:34:32,479 --> 01:34:34,760
Speaker 1: I was off for what four months? Yeah, they give

2097
01:34:34,760 --> 01:34:36,320
Speaker 1: me four months off, so I got to be there,

2098
01:34:36,400 --> 01:34:38,160
Speaker 1: be a part of everything. And like I'm right in

2099
01:34:38,200 --> 01:34:39,960
Speaker 1: the trenches too, So it's like I'm trying to see,

2100
01:34:40,080 --> 01:34:43,839
Speaker 1: like what does that look like? Flying like diaper bags, bottles, formula,

2101
01:34:44,120 --> 01:34:45,480
Speaker 1: like bottle warmers.

2102
01:34:45,160 --> 01:34:48,479
Speaker 3: Like well she take it cold? Like yeah, it's just

2103
01:34:48,520 --> 01:34:49,400
Speaker 3: like a lot of unknown.

2104
01:34:49,520 --> 01:34:52,160
Speaker 1: So I think I kind of balanced in between, like

2105
01:34:52,280 --> 01:34:54,280
Speaker 1: the same like the fomo, like everybody having a good

2106
01:34:54,320 --> 01:34:57,200
Speaker 1: time dressed nice, looking good, good.

2107
01:34:58,320 --> 01:35:01,200
Speaker 5: Eating good, eating good a dancing.

2108
01:35:01,320 --> 01:35:05,160
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, having fun, they hare turning up.

2109
01:35:05,200 --> 01:35:07,240
Speaker 3: I'm I even know you hadn't had moves right where

2110
01:35:07,280 --> 01:35:07,800
Speaker 3: that comes from.

2111
01:35:08,760 --> 01:35:11,400
Speaker 4: We really really, really really missed y'all. One thing that

2112
01:35:11,560 --> 01:35:15,720
Speaker 4: y'all did, which was such a wise thing was when

2113
01:35:15,840 --> 01:35:16,679
Speaker 4: y'all got married.

2114
01:35:17,080 --> 01:35:19,840
Speaker 2: Y'all were like, let's just talk about that. When y'all

2115
01:35:19,880 --> 01:35:20,280
Speaker 2: was about to.

2116
01:35:20,240 --> 01:35:23,920
Speaker 5: Get married, Well, we had been engaged for probably about

2117
01:35:23,920 --> 01:35:26,080
Speaker 5: two or three years, and then we were just like,

2118
01:35:26,280 --> 01:35:28,479
Speaker 5: we should get married. Why are we still engaged? And

2119
01:35:28,600 --> 01:35:31,439
Speaker 5: so I was crazy and it was October or something,

2120
01:35:31,720 --> 01:35:33,760
Speaker 5: and I said we should get married by the end

2121
01:35:33,760 --> 01:35:36,439
Speaker 5: of the year. What year was this? Twenty twenty two,

2122
01:35:36,680 --> 01:35:39,720
Speaker 5: which is funny, we've for like, we remembered it last night.

2123
01:35:39,760 --> 01:35:42,719
Speaker 5: We always forget when our wedding was. We've been together

2124
01:35:42,800 --> 01:35:45,439
Speaker 5: for so long it just feels like time just keeps

2125
01:35:45,960 --> 01:35:48,639
Speaker 5: just going. But yeah, December twenty twenty two.

2126
01:35:49,439 --> 01:35:53,280
Speaker 2: And so my mom and sober Western the exact date.

2127
01:35:54,720 --> 01:35:57,639
Speaker 5: December twenty ninth, twenty twenty two.

2128
01:35:58,040 --> 01:36:01,639
Speaker 3: I'm saying thirty, but go ahead, having days.

2129
01:36:01,479 --> 01:36:07,320
Speaker 5: In December thirty one? Yeah, okay, thirtieth it was I'm sorry.

2130
01:36:08,439 --> 01:36:10,600
Speaker 5: We don't get offended. You don't get no, no, no,

2131
01:36:12,040 --> 01:36:14,719
Speaker 5: So good. Yeah, December thirty.

2132
01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:16,760
Speaker 1: I feel like that's how little of emphasis we put

2133
01:36:16,840 --> 01:36:19,519
Speaker 1: on the things outside of the relationship itself, like the ring,

2134
01:36:19,640 --> 01:36:21,519
Speaker 1: the wedding, that that there were things that we wanted

2135
01:36:21,560 --> 01:36:23,320
Speaker 1: to do. There were ceremonial and a part of it,

2136
01:36:23,840 --> 01:36:27,040
Speaker 1: but being together for so long and intending for that

2137
01:36:27,200 --> 01:36:29,880
Speaker 1: to be forever, the focus is always on the relationship itself.

2138
01:36:29,920 --> 01:36:33,479
Speaker 1: So we yeah, we lapsed on those the other things

2139
01:36:33,520 --> 01:36:37,040
Speaker 1: that the minor details sometimes because they to us are minor.

2140
01:36:37,120 --> 01:36:37,760
Speaker 2: Which is a trip.

2141
01:36:37,840 --> 01:36:40,960
Speaker 4: Because y'all were like, y'all gave me perspective by the ring,

2142
01:36:41,120 --> 01:36:43,200
Speaker 4: saying it don't need to cost a lot of money,

2143
01:36:43,880 --> 01:36:45,040
Speaker 4: it's the meaning behind it.

2144
01:36:45,439 --> 01:36:48,080
Speaker 2: And I was like, who raised this shot?

2145
01:36:48,200 --> 01:36:48,360
Speaker 4: Yeah?

2146
01:36:48,360 --> 01:36:49,680
Speaker 5: You were like, I didn't raise you like that. I

2147
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:51,880
Speaker 5: don't know. I just love him.

2148
01:36:52,360 --> 01:36:54,880
Speaker 4: Where'd you get this from? And I respected it this

2149
01:36:55,040 --> 01:36:57,960
Speaker 4: He said the wedding. I want to have a big

2150
01:36:58,120 --> 01:37:01,240
Speaker 4: wedding for her. And we started off down that route

2151
01:37:01,280 --> 01:37:03,080
Speaker 4: where I was gonna do this big wedding for her,

2152
01:37:03,240 --> 01:37:06,800
Speaker 4: and they just stopped me in my tracks and told

2153
01:37:06,840 --> 01:37:09,360
Speaker 4: me straight up, like, no, we want something simple.

2154
01:37:10,080 --> 01:37:12,960
Speaker 2: I said, simple, Like what she's talking about.

2155
01:37:12,960 --> 01:37:14,439
Speaker 4: I don't care if we had a wedding on the

2156
01:37:14,560 --> 01:37:17,600
Speaker 4: side of the road, like Kaylin and Kyra did. If

2157
01:37:17,680 --> 01:37:21,080
Speaker 4: y'all been rocking with me before the whole duration of

2158
01:37:21,120 --> 01:37:24,920
Speaker 4: Dear Future Wifey Kaylin and Kyra on the podcast, and

2159
01:37:25,520 --> 01:37:27,720
Speaker 4: they had made their first million by the age of

2160
01:37:27,840 --> 01:37:32,280
Speaker 4: nineteen doing prank videos on each other. Moved from California

2161
01:37:32,400 --> 01:37:37,280
Speaker 4: to Dallas and came on the podcast, and now they

2162
01:37:37,360 --> 01:37:41,439
Speaker 4: became one of y'all's closest friends. And they just had

2163
01:37:41,479 --> 01:37:45,200
Speaker 4: a wedding when they got married, they just got just right,

2164
01:37:45,320 --> 01:37:47,560
Speaker 4: just pulled off the field. Had his uncle that was

2165
01:37:47,600 --> 01:37:49,519
Speaker 4: a past or something and they just they married him.

2166
01:37:49,520 --> 01:37:52,560
Speaker 4: It's just on the side of the field. And but

2167
01:37:52,680 --> 01:37:54,600
Speaker 4: Terry like, we could just have something like that. And

2168
01:37:54,640 --> 01:37:57,519
Speaker 4: I was like, this is not the vision, yeah, that

2169
01:37:57,720 --> 01:38:02,960
Speaker 4: I had when you were brought into this earth, you know,

2170
01:38:03,360 --> 01:38:05,479
Speaker 4: And she was just like, I want So what happened

2171
01:38:05,600 --> 01:38:08,160
Speaker 4: was I got this venue because this other lady called

2172
01:38:08,200 --> 01:38:12,800
Speaker 4: off her her her wedding, and so she gave me

2173
01:38:12,960 --> 01:38:16,680
Speaker 4: her venue half the price of what it was and

2174
01:38:17,200 --> 01:38:20,559
Speaker 4: got the venue. And I asked the terrier and takeo

2175
01:38:20,640 --> 01:38:22,280
Speaker 4: look at they looked at they said they want it.

2176
01:38:22,479 --> 01:38:24,400
Speaker 4: I asked them to push the date where it was

2177
01:38:24,680 --> 01:38:27,080
Speaker 4: something really cool. They went to go look at other venues,

2178
01:38:27,120 --> 01:38:29,320
Speaker 4: said we're gonna do this. Then halfway through it, they

2179
01:38:29,479 --> 01:38:31,040
Speaker 4: just like, I don't want to have a big wedding.

2180
01:38:31,520 --> 01:38:35,160
Speaker 4: I was like, we're talking about what you want, we

2181
01:38:35,200 --> 01:38:38,000
Speaker 4: talking about what we won't. She was like, we don't

2182
01:38:38,000 --> 01:38:41,360
Speaker 4: want that. I said, okay, So I repurposed that venue,

2183
01:38:41,479 --> 01:38:43,880
Speaker 4: and that's how I ended up doing Black Love Matters,

2184
01:38:43,920 --> 01:38:45,639
Speaker 4: where I did a whole wedding.

2185
01:38:45,760 --> 01:38:49,840
Speaker 2: I gifted it to other people. But then y'all decide to.

2186
01:38:50,040 --> 01:38:55,599
Speaker 4: Have a quaint wedding in the clahouse of y'all's apartment.

2187
01:38:56,200 --> 01:38:58,760
Speaker 5: It's called a micro wedding, which is like less than

2188
01:38:58,800 --> 01:39:01,479
Speaker 5: twenty people. And I was that important for y'all because

2189
01:39:01,520 --> 01:39:03,680
Speaker 5: I just really wanted the people there who knew us,

2190
01:39:03,720 --> 01:39:06,160
Speaker 5: who loved us, who supported us. From like the very

2191
01:39:06,200 --> 01:39:08,720
Speaker 5: beginning of our relationship. I didn't really care too much

2192
01:39:08,760 --> 01:39:14,679
Speaker 5: about hosting or celebrating with other people. And that sounds

2193
01:39:14,760 --> 01:39:16,600
Speaker 5: really like, well, you wouldn't want people a part of

2194
01:39:16,640 --> 01:39:20,560
Speaker 5: your big day, which yes, but that wasn't what I

2195
01:39:20,680 --> 01:39:22,639
Speaker 5: was focused on. I just wanted to finally get married,

2196
01:39:22,880 --> 01:39:24,760
Speaker 5: So that's what made it to where I didn't have to.

2197
01:39:25,080 --> 01:39:27,400
Speaker 5: We had all of garden catered. Like if that doesn't

2198
01:39:27,439 --> 01:39:30,560
Speaker 5: tell y'all, how like basic and simple like we can be.

2199
01:39:30,680 --> 01:39:32,800
Speaker 5: We just wanted to get married. We're on the like

2200
01:39:32,880 --> 01:39:35,360
Speaker 5: twenty four in our clubhouse. It was beautiful, it was nice.

2201
01:39:35,680 --> 01:39:38,479
Speaker 5: I made the decor, my mom helped set it up.

2202
01:39:38,560 --> 01:39:39,599
Speaker 5: His mom bought the cake.

2203
01:39:41,040 --> 01:39:41,920
Speaker 3: How much would you say?

2204
01:39:42,040 --> 01:39:46,960
Speaker 5: Like just yeah, how three thousand dollars and my dress

2205
01:39:47,360 --> 01:39:50,120
Speaker 5: and his suit. His suit was probably like eight hundred.

2206
01:39:50,160 --> 01:39:53,000
Speaker 5: My dress was probably like eight hundred. And then yeah,

2207
01:39:53,120 --> 01:39:56,240
Speaker 5: and then photography, oh yeah, And I remember when we

2208
01:39:56,320 --> 01:39:57,880
Speaker 5: did the math on it a while ago. We added

2209
01:39:57,920 --> 01:40:01,320
Speaker 5: all that in total, three thousand dollars including photography and makeup.

2210
01:40:03,600 --> 01:40:05,000
Speaker 2: And that's how simply it can be.

2211
01:40:05,920 --> 01:40:09,880
Speaker 4: Get married, create covenant, and nothing becomes about money. And

2212
01:40:10,000 --> 01:40:12,599
Speaker 4: what I want to apply y'all at, what I want

2213
01:40:12,600 --> 01:40:16,280
Speaker 4: to apply y'all for is that y'all never made finances

2214
01:40:16,640 --> 01:40:20,639
Speaker 4: an issue in y'all's marriage, from a ring to the wedding,

2215
01:40:21,040 --> 01:40:23,080
Speaker 4: to a dress to anything.

2216
01:40:23,600 --> 01:40:24,760
Speaker 2: Uh so much so that.

2217
01:40:26,960 --> 01:40:29,320
Speaker 4: It was some tension that we had while you were

2218
01:40:29,360 --> 01:40:32,160
Speaker 4: in college with y'all started living together. So y'all hear

2219
01:40:32,200 --> 01:40:34,559
Speaker 4: me beginning the podcast, and I say, are y'all still

2220
01:40:34,600 --> 01:40:35,439
Speaker 4: shacking up with us?

2221
01:40:35,760 --> 01:40:39,080
Speaker 2: It's because of her. Y'all was shacking up.

2222
01:40:40,360 --> 01:40:41,280
Speaker 7: What was that like?

2223
01:40:41,720 --> 01:40:43,880
Speaker 4: And you know, to have to tell me that y'all

2224
01:40:43,960 --> 01:40:47,120
Speaker 4: was living together, knowing that my stance was totally against that.

2225
01:40:47,880 --> 01:40:51,240
Speaker 3: Well, when it was cost effective were expensive?

2226
01:40:51,800 --> 01:40:53,040
Speaker 5: We were sleeping together every.

2227
01:40:52,960 --> 01:40:57,479
Speaker 2: Night, and then like he had back to you because yeah, yeah, like.

2228
01:40:57,520 --> 01:40:59,479
Speaker 5: That he had an apartment, I had an apartment. We

2229
01:40:59,560 --> 01:41:01,919
Speaker 5: were together every night, so it was cost effective.

2230
01:41:02,160 --> 01:41:05,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean we always ended up like spending majority

2231
01:41:05,040 --> 01:41:07,240
Speaker 1: of our days at one place or the other. So

2232
01:41:07,920 --> 01:41:10,519
Speaker 1: when you started going back at those finances and you're

2233
01:41:10,560 --> 01:41:13,400
Speaker 1: always spending time, it's a commitment to make for sure,

2234
01:41:13,560 --> 01:41:15,920
Speaker 1: to be like, well I'm always here anyway, so like

2235
01:41:16,000 --> 01:41:19,519
Speaker 1: why not just make it one place? But I think

2236
01:41:20,120 --> 01:41:22,759
Speaker 1: that was the leading part. But two, I think actually

2237
01:41:22,760 --> 01:41:24,160
Speaker 1: I can't even say the leading part. The leading part

2238
01:41:24,240 --> 01:41:25,639
Speaker 1: is for sure that we just wanted to spend time together.

2239
01:41:25,640 --> 01:41:27,960
Speaker 1: We want to be around each other, and even if

2240
01:41:28,000 --> 01:41:29,600
Speaker 1: we weren't living together, and you kind of have that

2241
01:41:29,640 --> 01:41:31,600
Speaker 1: little like, well I got somewhere to go to like

2242
01:41:32,200 --> 01:41:33,519
Speaker 1: at some point you got to rip the band aid

2243
01:41:33,560 --> 01:41:37,519
Speaker 1: off anyways, And I don't condone everyone doing that.

2244
01:41:38,240 --> 01:41:39,920
Speaker 3: That's just our story and how that worked out.

2245
01:41:39,920 --> 01:41:42,160
Speaker 1: So I wouldn't say, like everybody, that's for everybody, because

2246
01:41:42,160 --> 01:41:44,600
Speaker 1: everyone's situation is not the same. Like I don't know

2247
01:41:44,640 --> 01:41:47,439
Speaker 1: the character of all men and all women. So you

2248
01:41:47,560 --> 01:41:50,120
Speaker 1: can follow in those steps and find yourself in a

2249
01:41:50,160 --> 01:41:53,559
Speaker 1: little bit of trouble. If someone's character isn't right, you're

2250
01:41:53,640 --> 01:41:56,040
Speaker 1: gonna go through a lot of conflicts. Like it can

2251
01:41:56,080 --> 01:41:58,320
Speaker 1: be minor. You talking about like trivial things like to

2252
01:41:58,560 --> 01:42:00,960
Speaker 1: brush out this here, this thing, totally see it. It

2253
01:42:00,960 --> 01:42:02,840
Speaker 1: don't matter if anything going on that can be a

2254
01:42:02,880 --> 01:42:04,720
Speaker 1: big problem. It started off small, but now it's the

2255
01:42:04,840 --> 01:42:06,720
Speaker 1: tone of how you said it to me, and now

2256
01:42:06,800 --> 01:42:08,720
Speaker 1: it's like, oh well you responded in like a more

2257
01:42:08,760 --> 01:42:10,960
Speaker 1: animated way, and now we beefing. But it started with

2258
01:42:11,000 --> 01:42:14,599
Speaker 1: a toilet, see you know what I mean. So I think, again,

2259
01:42:14,960 --> 01:42:17,479
Speaker 1: that's not for everybody all. I go as far as

2260
01:42:17,479 --> 01:42:19,080
Speaker 1: to say it is not for anybody. Don't take the

2261
01:42:19,160 --> 01:42:19,920
Speaker 1: risk if you don't have to.

2262
01:42:21,080 --> 01:42:25,840
Speaker 2: But I did. I did. I think at what point

2263
01:42:25,880 --> 01:42:27,040
Speaker 2: did you know you're gonna marry her?

2264
01:42:27,160 --> 01:42:30,560
Speaker 1: I think it became like super apparent just early on

2265
01:42:30,720 --> 01:42:32,240
Speaker 1: in the college days, I think as you got to

2266
01:42:32,880 --> 01:42:36,400
Speaker 1: go through your first hardships, whether it's I blew all

2267
01:42:36,520 --> 01:42:40,120
Speaker 1: my student money and now I'm working and I'm barely

2268
01:42:40,160 --> 01:42:42,479
Speaker 1: making it the class, I'm like, I'm like, you're going

2269
01:42:42,520 --> 01:42:44,320
Speaker 1: through what it feels like life hitting me with this.

2270
01:42:44,439 --> 01:42:47,360
Speaker 1: My grade is not what I want to be, but

2271
01:42:47,840 --> 01:42:53,000
Speaker 1: you kind of have that, Okay, But yeah, I think

2272
01:42:53,080 --> 01:42:55,479
Speaker 1: that as you start to go through those things, the

2273
01:42:55,479 --> 01:42:57,479
Speaker 1: same way you would look to your parent and be like, hey,

2274
01:42:57,760 --> 01:43:00,479
Speaker 1: like this is where I'm at, this is where I'm

2275
01:43:00,479 --> 01:43:02,439
Speaker 1: trying to be, and like how they respond to that.

2276
01:43:03,479 --> 01:43:06,000
Speaker 1: It showed me like, Okay, this is somebody that I

2277
01:43:06,040 --> 01:43:07,720
Speaker 1: can do life with because I'm doing it like I'm

2278
01:43:07,960 --> 01:43:10,240
Speaker 1: doing training and wheels were own a little bit, but

2279
01:43:10,439 --> 01:43:11,400
Speaker 1: like I'm doing it.

2280
01:43:11,600 --> 01:43:14,200
Speaker 3: So yeah, that had to be like the first like

2281
01:43:14,320 --> 01:43:15,160
Speaker 3: year or so of college.

2282
01:43:15,160 --> 01:43:18,200
Speaker 4: So I knew, even though I didn't agree with y'all

2283
01:43:18,280 --> 01:43:21,360
Speaker 4: living together while y'all were in college, and when y'all

2284
01:43:21,479 --> 01:43:25,760
Speaker 4: moved to Dallas, I actually helped y'all move. You did.

2285
01:43:25,920 --> 01:43:28,160
Speaker 5: You're the only person who helped us move to Nobody

2286
01:43:28,479 --> 01:43:30,360
Speaker 5: helped us. I will never forget everybody was decided for

2287
01:43:30,439 --> 01:43:31,960
Speaker 5: us to come back, and nobody helped us move.

2288
01:43:32,280 --> 01:43:32,439
Speaker 6: Man.

2289
01:43:32,520 --> 01:43:34,760
Speaker 1: When I tell you there was a it was our

2290
01:43:35,120 --> 01:43:37,880
Speaker 1: head board was expensive head board. We got one of

2291
01:43:37,920 --> 01:43:41,400
Speaker 1: the bigger things that we splurage them. But all I

2292
01:43:41,439 --> 01:43:44,120
Speaker 1: got is an image of that head board around your shoulder.

2293
01:43:47,960 --> 01:43:51,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I didn't want to carry it. Yeah,

2294
01:43:52,800 --> 01:43:54,840
Speaker 1: so I vividly remember.

2295
01:43:54,640 --> 01:43:56,280
Speaker 3: Seeing you do that. So that was that was cool?

2296
01:43:56,360 --> 01:43:56,840
Speaker 3: That was cool.

2297
01:43:58,160 --> 01:44:00,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, because again I was dread and moving it like

2298
01:44:00,560 --> 01:44:02,439
Speaker 1: I was too cheap to hire movers. I'm gonna do

2299
01:44:02,479 --> 01:44:04,240
Speaker 1: it all. It can take me two days, I'm gonna

2300
01:44:04,280 --> 01:44:08,160
Speaker 1: do all of it. Yeah, I'm not giving nobody five

2301
01:44:08,240 --> 01:44:10,080
Speaker 1: six hundred dollars. It's gonna be me if it.

2302
01:44:10,120 --> 01:44:13,439
Speaker 4: Tell you something was so interesting is that when my

2303
01:44:13,600 --> 01:44:16,719
Speaker 4: daughter told me that you paid off for her, paid

2304
01:44:16,760 --> 01:44:18,240
Speaker 4: off her past student loans.

2305
01:44:19,400 --> 01:44:20,240
Speaker 2: What made you do that?

2306
01:44:21,600 --> 01:44:22,880
Speaker 1: I did it because I didn't want it to be

2307
01:44:22,920 --> 01:44:25,920
Speaker 1: a blocker for her, Like I have conversations with her

2308
01:44:25,960 --> 01:44:28,320
Speaker 1: and where she wants to be, and a lot of

2309
01:44:28,360 --> 01:44:31,479
Speaker 1: it centered around like the regrets of what school looked like.

2310
01:44:31,640 --> 01:44:34,400
Speaker 1: Like I think especially as you hit ages where you

2311
01:44:34,439 --> 01:44:36,920
Speaker 1: see people who stayed in school graduating, they're getting the

2312
01:44:36,960 --> 01:44:40,200
Speaker 1: big job there, maybe going as far as to like

2313
01:44:40,320 --> 01:44:42,680
Speaker 1: having the wedding because like the finances are there, like

2314
01:44:42,720 --> 01:44:44,960
Speaker 1: they're starting life, and that what you want to say,

2315
01:44:44,960 --> 01:44:49,360
Speaker 1: the American dream where everything's going perfect. That wasn't our case.

2316
01:44:49,800 --> 01:44:53,320
Speaker 1: That's not how things played out. And I was like

2317
01:44:53,560 --> 01:44:55,439
Speaker 1: that that was just something that we talked about a

2318
01:44:55,479 --> 01:44:57,439
Speaker 1: ton that just kept revisiting. And one day I was like,

2319
01:44:57,880 --> 01:45:00,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pay this off one way or another. So

2320
01:45:00,160 --> 01:45:02,280
Speaker 1: I was like, take my car. I think my limit

2321
01:45:02,360 --> 01:45:04,559
Speaker 1: might have been just about that, like six thousand, sixty

2322
01:45:04,600 --> 01:45:07,360
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars something like that. I was like, gone, no,

2323
01:45:07,479 --> 01:45:10,000
Speaker 1: my excuses, Like so if that's what you want, we

2324
01:45:10,040 --> 01:45:11,600
Speaker 1: can go after that. Whether it was you wanted to do,

2325
01:45:11,720 --> 01:45:13,639
Speaker 1: I think at the time it was interior designed. Yeah,

2326
01:45:14,160 --> 01:45:16,280
Speaker 1: she has an eye for it, didn't have to go

2327
01:45:16,320 --> 01:45:18,680
Speaker 1: to school for it. But sometimes certain jobs look for

2328
01:45:18,760 --> 01:45:21,719
Speaker 1: stuff like that. But again, she decorates our house. Everybody,

2329
01:45:21,800 --> 01:45:24,080
Speaker 1: so everybody is pulling her and every which way to

2330
01:45:24,080 --> 01:45:26,200
Speaker 1: get her to design something, to decorate something for him.

2331
01:45:26,240 --> 01:45:27,880
Speaker 1: But I was like, if that's what you want to do,

2332
01:45:28,000 --> 01:45:29,840
Speaker 1: I'm taking the obstacle away and we'll figure it out.

2333
01:45:29,880 --> 01:45:30,240
Speaker 5: And we did.

2334
01:45:30,360 --> 01:45:33,080
Speaker 1: That is gone paid it off. I don't think about it.

2335
01:45:33,360 --> 01:45:35,439
Speaker 1: I don't look forward. I'm not gonna miss the six thousand.

2336
01:45:35,479 --> 01:45:39,000
Speaker 1: But what I thought was I would rather pay six

2337
01:45:39,080 --> 01:45:41,639
Speaker 1: thousand dollars in her eventually not continue school.

2338
01:45:41,680 --> 01:45:43,040
Speaker 3: Then that be something that she regretted.

2339
01:45:43,400 --> 01:45:46,439
Speaker 2: That's good, that's good. What that means to you, Liitaria,

2340
01:45:47,080 --> 01:45:48,000
Speaker 2: It was very.

2341
01:45:49,760 --> 01:45:51,840
Speaker 5: It was like a reminder of like he really does

2342
01:45:51,960 --> 01:45:54,080
Speaker 5: love me for me. And one thing I also do

2343
01:45:54,200 --> 01:45:56,920
Speaker 5: want to say is to go back and the school

2344
01:45:57,000 --> 01:45:59,720
Speaker 5: that we actually went to together. I didn't get it

2345
01:45:59,720 --> 01:46:01,760
Speaker 5: into to it when I first applied to I don't

2346
01:46:01,760 --> 01:46:02,400
Speaker 5: know if you remember that.

2347
01:46:02,800 --> 01:46:03,040
Speaker 2: Yep.

2348
01:46:03,520 --> 01:46:06,919
Speaker 5: I actually was denied and then I had to appeal

2349
01:46:07,680 --> 01:46:09,599
Speaker 5: and he helped me my appeal letter. When I say

2350
01:46:09,640 --> 01:46:13,759
Speaker 5: help me, he basically wrote up, like you're going to school.

2351
01:46:15,320 --> 01:46:20,840
Speaker 3: I told her I was a GPT for yeah, yeah,

2352
01:46:20,880 --> 01:46:22,479
Speaker 3: and then you go there and then don't go there.

2353
01:46:22,920 --> 01:46:23,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

2354
01:46:24,200 --> 01:46:28,519
Speaker 4: But it was all on academic probab Yeah, I said,

2355
01:46:28,560 --> 01:46:32,080
Speaker 4: good lord girl, the Matario is like very very lazy

2356
01:46:32,120 --> 01:46:32,599
Speaker 4: in school.

2357
01:46:32,840 --> 01:46:34,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know that just wasn't her thing.

2358
01:46:34,920 --> 01:46:38,160
Speaker 4: Yes, And I was like, I don't pay for failure,

2359
01:46:38,600 --> 01:46:41,439
Speaker 4: I said, I said, I'm paying for you to I

2360
01:46:41,560 --> 01:46:43,360
Speaker 4: pay for your apartment, I pay for your stuff. I

2361
01:46:43,439 --> 01:46:45,920
Speaker 4: do that, I got your car, I said, but I'm

2362
01:46:45,960 --> 01:46:48,200
Speaker 4: not gonna pay for failure. If you're not going to school,

2363
01:46:48,680 --> 01:46:51,160
Speaker 4: you're not going to class, you're not doing your work.

2364
01:46:51,360 --> 01:46:52,599
Speaker 2: You're on your own at that point.

2365
01:46:53,040 --> 01:46:54,840
Speaker 5: So I told you I get some consequences, which I

2366
01:46:54,880 --> 01:46:56,840
Speaker 5: did want to say. That was a part of the

2367
01:46:57,200 --> 01:46:59,800
Speaker 5: reason to why that kind of led us to moving

2368
01:46:59,880 --> 01:47:02,840
Speaker 5: in together, because then you stop not saying this is

2369
01:47:02,880 --> 01:47:05,480
Speaker 5: the bad thing, but you stopped paying all of my rents,

2370
01:47:05,479 --> 01:47:08,160
Speaker 5: like when I'm paying half of it. Then I'm like, well, okay,

2371
01:47:09,240 --> 01:47:10,840
Speaker 5: I kind of want to live with this guy. I'm

2372
01:47:11,000 --> 01:47:13,479
Speaker 5: you know, with I'm like on this flinting rate with him,

2373
01:47:13,600 --> 01:47:15,639
Speaker 5: and we can live together and then he saves money

2374
01:47:15,640 --> 01:47:17,439
Speaker 5: and not save money. But I didn't want to go

2375
01:47:17,520 --> 01:47:19,720
Speaker 5: back to saying that was another hard conversation for us

2376
01:47:19,800 --> 01:47:22,880
Speaker 5: to have because I knew, under no circumstances would you

2377
01:47:22,960 --> 01:47:25,479
Speaker 5: be like, Okay, have fun, congratulations, do a good job.

2378
01:47:25,520 --> 01:47:27,200
Speaker 5: I know you were not going down easy. I knew

2379
01:47:27,200 --> 01:47:29,759
Speaker 5: it wasn't going to be a resolve to the conversation

2380
01:47:29,960 --> 01:47:33,160
Speaker 5: unless I decided not to move in with him. So

2381
01:47:33,280 --> 01:47:37,559
Speaker 5: you definitely held your ground. I held mine, like Tate said,

2382
01:47:37,600 --> 01:47:38,960
Speaker 5: I don't recommend anybody to do that.

2383
01:47:39,400 --> 01:47:39,960
Speaker 2: And I told her.

2384
01:47:40,040 --> 01:47:43,000
Speaker 4: She was like, see, I'm very very level headed. I'd

2385
01:47:43,000 --> 01:47:45,519
Speaker 4: be like, this is where I stand. Where are you staying?

2386
01:47:45,920 --> 01:47:50,720
Speaker 4: Or Dad, I'm moving in right. It's really I'd be like,

2387
01:47:51,000 --> 01:47:53,400
Speaker 4: this is why you shouldn't. This is why you shouldn't.

2388
01:47:53,439 --> 01:47:55,320
Speaker 4: This is why I say this. This is statistics, this

2389
01:47:55,360 --> 01:47:56,720
Speaker 4: is blah blah blah blah blah, this is what the

2390
01:47:56,760 --> 01:47:59,240
Speaker 4: spiritual ramifications are. But that I want to do this

2391
01:47:59,240 --> 01:48:02,639
Speaker 4: because this is okay. Now, I ain't gonna hold no grudges,

2392
01:48:02,800 --> 01:48:04,280
Speaker 4: ain't gonna give you no cold shoulder.

2393
01:48:04,320 --> 01:48:06,680
Speaker 2: We're gonna still keep talking. I ain't gonna even bring

2394
01:48:06,760 --> 01:48:08,960
Speaker 2: it up. No more bring that up again.

2395
01:48:09,200 --> 01:48:11,120
Speaker 5: No, but you just stop paying my phone bill, my

2396
01:48:11,160 --> 01:48:12,439
Speaker 5: car insurance, my car notes.

2397
01:48:12,600 --> 01:48:16,679
Speaker 3: Ye well, my dad.

2398
01:48:16,600 --> 01:48:18,360
Speaker 5: Said, and then now we have to figure those things

2399
01:48:18,400 --> 01:48:18,840
Speaker 5: out together.

2400
01:48:20,120 --> 01:48:22,680
Speaker 3: Advanced though it wasn't just dropped on us randomly like

2401
01:48:22,760 --> 01:48:24,640
Speaker 3: it was. That was the condition. It was like, this

2402
01:48:24,840 --> 01:48:25,360
Speaker 3: is what you're doing.

2403
01:48:26,160 --> 01:48:28,559
Speaker 5: Okay, I'm not paying anything starting those days.

2404
01:48:28,880 --> 01:48:31,559
Speaker 4: This is what I told her, I said, listen, right now,

2405
01:48:32,280 --> 01:48:36,599
Speaker 4: I have authority and spiritual authority over you. I mean,

2406
01:48:36,800 --> 01:48:40,920
Speaker 4: I'm covering you financially everything. If you decide to go

2407
01:48:41,080 --> 01:48:44,640
Speaker 4: under somebody else's covering, he needs to cover you. And

2408
01:48:44,760 --> 01:48:47,320
Speaker 4: I said, I'm not going to be paying for you

2409
01:48:47,479 --> 01:48:50,320
Speaker 4: to have a living boyfriend. That's not gonna happen. I'm

2410
01:48:50,360 --> 01:48:53,600
Speaker 4: not gonna be paying for y'all to be in you know,

2411
01:48:53,840 --> 01:48:58,479
Speaker 4: fornication and sin. I'm not paying for that. So I said,

2412
01:48:58,520 --> 01:49:02,559
Speaker 4: I hear deem, he's showing the proof. I'll be forgetting.

2413
01:49:02,560 --> 01:49:07,000
Speaker 2: I'll be forgetting to it because I leave with Grace.

2414
01:49:07,120 --> 01:49:09,080
Speaker 2: And then I'd just be like, Okay, do what you're

2415
01:49:09,120 --> 01:49:10,920
Speaker 2: going to do. And they moved in and I and

2416
01:49:11,040 --> 01:49:12,479
Speaker 2: I because I was like, wyn't you move back to

2417
01:49:12,560 --> 01:49:14,320
Speaker 2: Dallas when I want to stay here. I want to

2418
01:49:14,360 --> 01:49:16,320
Speaker 2: do this. I was like, you ain't in school. You

2419
01:49:16,400 --> 01:49:18,400
Speaker 2: know what? You want to stay in Corpus CHRISTI for it.

2420
01:49:18,479 --> 01:49:19,960
Speaker 2: You ain't in school. I just want to stay here

2421
01:49:19,960 --> 01:49:21,519
Speaker 2: because you want to be grown cool.

2422
01:49:22,080 --> 01:49:24,360
Speaker 4: You have a covering. And I told her this specifically.

2423
01:49:24,439 --> 01:49:27,040
Speaker 4: I said, I haven't given you away yet. I said,

2424
01:49:27,040 --> 01:49:29,080
Speaker 4: there's going to be a moment in the wedding where

2425
01:49:29,320 --> 01:49:32,320
Speaker 4: when you get married, I'm going to give you away

2426
01:49:32,400 --> 01:49:34,920
Speaker 4: to him. And when I give you to him, you

2427
01:49:35,000 --> 01:49:37,320
Speaker 4: can no longer call me for you can.

2428
01:49:37,439 --> 01:49:37,640
Speaker 3: I can.

2429
01:49:37,680 --> 01:49:39,479
Speaker 4: I'll help you out if you need help or whatever,

2430
01:49:39,640 --> 01:49:43,160
Speaker 4: But I no longer have spiritual authority.

2431
01:49:42,760 --> 01:49:44,360
Speaker 2: Over you and a spiritual covering.

2432
01:49:44,520 --> 01:49:46,599
Speaker 4: I said, your husband will be that and I will

2433
01:49:46,640 --> 01:49:49,000
Speaker 4: respect that covering through and through.

2434
01:49:49,640 --> 01:49:52,320
Speaker 2: And uh. And I said, so if you're expecting to

2435
01:49:52,400 --> 01:49:54,559
Speaker 2: do that, now go ahead and do it.

2436
01:49:55,160 --> 01:49:57,000
Speaker 5: I said, but how did that feel?

2437
01:49:57,040 --> 01:49:57,200
Speaker 9: Take?

2438
01:49:57,880 --> 01:50:01,800
Speaker 1: The thing is, it was, in a strange way, a

2439
01:50:02,000 --> 01:50:05,599
Speaker 1: good thing for me. It was reassuring because you're essentially

2440
01:50:05,640 --> 01:50:08,519
Speaker 1: presenting a girl with like, hey, you have your dad

2441
01:50:08,800 --> 01:50:11,320
Speaker 1: who has been there for you forever, who has taken

2442
01:50:11,400 --> 01:50:16,200
Speaker 1: care of these things financially forever. On the table is

2443
01:50:16,360 --> 01:50:19,280
Speaker 1: you continue this relationship with faith that this person is

2444
01:50:19,360 --> 01:50:22,439
Speaker 1: taking that over or you gonna find yourself paying your

2445
01:50:22,479 --> 01:50:24,080
Speaker 1: phone bill in six months when you break up with you.

2446
01:50:25,240 --> 01:50:27,479
Speaker 3: So it's like, so it was never.

2447
01:50:29,240 --> 01:50:32,080
Speaker 1: Clearly a doubt that we were going to be together

2448
01:50:32,160 --> 01:50:34,600
Speaker 1: and continue to be together, because you're you're risking, like

2449
01:50:35,479 --> 01:50:39,160
Speaker 1: at that point, semi permanent assistance up until someone else

2450
01:50:39,240 --> 01:50:42,400
Speaker 1: is able to take over that covering. But you're faced

2451
01:50:42,439 --> 01:50:45,839
Speaker 1: with that choice, like in the face of technically uncertainty.

2452
01:50:45,840 --> 01:50:48,599
Speaker 1: You're not married, so like those vows have not been made.

2453
01:50:48,680 --> 01:50:50,559
Speaker 1: Like I did not have to continue to do anything,

2454
01:50:50,800 --> 01:50:54,840
Speaker 1: but in my character I did. But like even through

2455
01:50:54,920 --> 01:50:56,519
Speaker 1: ups and downs, through pettiness and want to be like

2456
01:50:56,560 --> 01:50:58,000
Speaker 1: all right, well you pay your phone, but this mothery like,

2457
01:50:58,040 --> 01:50:58,519
Speaker 1: well I don't have it.

2458
01:50:58,560 --> 01:50:59,479
Speaker 3: Now, you don't got a phone on it.

2459
01:51:00,080 --> 01:51:00,640
Speaker 2: Now you call him?

2460
01:51:00,680 --> 01:51:03,760
Speaker 3: Daddy said he's not doing it. Like so I mean

2461
01:51:03,800 --> 01:51:06,639
Speaker 3: that was a big legal faith. Yeah, it's like, wait,

2462
01:51:07,080 --> 01:51:08,240
Speaker 3: let me see your stuff move out.

2463
01:51:08,280 --> 01:51:09,960
Speaker 5: First, I need.

2464
01:51:11,680 --> 01:51:13,439
Speaker 3: Everything need to be at least on the moving truck,

2465
01:51:14,680 --> 01:51:16,000
Speaker 3: and then I send you the money for it.

2466
01:51:16,320 --> 01:51:20,040
Speaker 1: But no, Yeah, I think that was important because that

2467
01:51:20,240 --> 01:51:22,920
Speaker 1: transition was like, all right, you're choosing to live a

2468
01:51:23,040 --> 01:51:25,120
Speaker 1: grown lifestyle. This is what that looks like. And you

2469
01:51:25,200 --> 01:51:27,320
Speaker 1: get to make the conscious decision. So if anything came

2470
01:51:27,400 --> 01:51:30,080
Speaker 1: up in the future, like you can go back to

2471
01:51:30,160 --> 01:51:32,080
Speaker 1: that moment. There's a pivotal moment of you making a

2472
01:51:32,160 --> 01:51:34,760
Speaker 1: conscious decision to take on these extra responsibilities. So I

2473
01:51:34,840 --> 01:51:36,880
Speaker 1: think from that point on, like, that's kind of how

2474
01:51:36,880 --> 01:51:38,479
Speaker 1: I've operated with nineteen.

2475
01:51:39,200 --> 01:51:42,240
Speaker 5: I think we're twenty one at that time. Combray was

2476
01:51:42,280 --> 01:51:43,559
Speaker 5: after my twenty first birthday.

2477
01:51:44,120 --> 01:51:46,040
Speaker 2: Yeap, oh, there's a blur.

2478
01:51:46,200 --> 01:51:49,479
Speaker 3: Been together so long as three it was one of them,

2479
01:51:50,360 --> 01:51:51,320
Speaker 3: and y'all got married at.

2480
01:51:51,240 --> 01:51:51,919
Speaker 2: What as.

2481
01:51:53,840 --> 01:51:55,800
Speaker 5: Twenty two whatever twenty twenty two was.

2482
01:51:56,160 --> 01:51:59,920
Speaker 1: We're twenty six, twenty six, I think twenty six is right, sure,

2483
01:52:00,640 --> 01:52:02,559
Speaker 1: yeah they six years old.

2484
01:52:02,640 --> 01:52:07,599
Speaker 5: Yeah, but yeah, I'm so young. Like now that I'm

2485
01:52:07,640 --> 01:52:09,800
Speaker 5: looking back, I'm like that it feels young.

2486
01:52:09,960 --> 01:52:12,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I don't want to get past this because

2487
01:52:12,360 --> 01:52:15,559
Speaker 4: this was a very defining moment of childbirth and how

2488
01:52:15,720 --> 01:52:20,040
Speaker 4: Claire came to be. Uh. You have been very open,

2489
01:52:20,320 --> 01:52:22,840
Speaker 4: especially you share time on Facebook not too long ago

2490
01:52:23,360 --> 01:52:28,600
Speaker 4: about the journey of an angel baby unpacked that so.

2491
01:52:29,880 --> 01:52:33,080
Speaker 5: Literally the day we you don't want to hear this part, dad,

2492
01:52:33,240 --> 01:52:34,840
Speaker 5: the day we got married, we were like we should

2493
01:52:34,840 --> 01:52:37,679
Speaker 5: start trying to have a baby, and immediately began trying

2494
01:52:37,680 --> 01:52:40,519
Speaker 5: to have a baby. And then years came, like a

2495
01:52:40,600 --> 01:52:43,120
Speaker 5: year past, and I started kind of getting nervous because

2496
01:52:43,120 --> 01:52:45,760
Speaker 5: I was just kind of like everyone gets pregnant, Like

2497
01:52:45,800 --> 01:52:47,519
Speaker 5: why am I not getting pregnant. It was a very

2498
01:52:48,600 --> 01:52:51,720
Speaker 5: weird feeling. But then you see y'allline like, oh, we

2499
01:52:51,760 --> 01:52:53,719
Speaker 5: can take up to a year for even healthy couples

2500
01:52:53,760 --> 01:52:55,920
Speaker 5: to get pregnant. So I was like, okay, fine, and

2501
01:52:56,080 --> 01:52:58,640
Speaker 5: then I noticed that I had like a kind of

2502
01:52:58,720 --> 01:53:03,400
Speaker 5: a a hard spot in my stomach, and so I

2503
01:53:03,479 --> 01:53:05,600
Speaker 5: went to the doctor and they ended up finding a

2504
01:53:06,720 --> 01:53:10,640
Speaker 5: what they just said was a fibroid ended up not

2505
01:53:10,680 --> 01:53:12,640
Speaker 5: being a fibroid spoiler alert, but they said it was

2506
01:53:12,680 --> 01:53:16,360
Speaker 5: a fibroid. They thought it was a fibroid or endometriosis.

2507
01:53:16,560 --> 01:53:19,920
Speaker 5: So they ended up scheduling what they call it topic

2508
01:53:20,000 --> 01:53:26,080
Speaker 5: sorry at laparoscopic surgery to get open, like you know,

2509
01:53:26,200 --> 01:53:28,800
Speaker 5: get in there and see what was that lump in

2510
01:53:28,880 --> 01:53:31,960
Speaker 5: my stomach. And it ended up being a tumor I

2511
01:53:32,000 --> 01:53:37,280
Speaker 5: can't think of the name cyst. And it was a

2512
01:53:37,400 --> 01:53:40,160
Speaker 5: five pound dermoid cyst. It was huge. It was like

2513
01:53:40,240 --> 01:53:44,840
Speaker 5: a trilateral like three parts fuse together, also fuse on

2514
01:53:44,960 --> 01:53:47,679
Speaker 5: my right ovary. They could not find my right ovary,

2515
01:53:47,840 --> 01:53:51,479
Speaker 5: so they removed the ovary and the fallopian tube. And

2516
01:53:51,600 --> 01:53:54,320
Speaker 5: then I woke up to that news again. I thought

2517
01:53:54,360 --> 01:53:56,960
Speaker 5: I had a fibroid, or I thought that I had edometriosis.

2518
01:53:57,120 --> 01:53:59,320
Speaker 5: But I woke up to finding out that, oh, you

2519
01:53:59,479 --> 01:54:02,320
Speaker 5: have half as many eggs as you went to sleep with,

2520
01:54:03,000 --> 01:54:05,600
Speaker 5: and that actually wasn't as traumatizing to me in the

2521
01:54:05,720 --> 01:54:08,400
Speaker 5: moment as I think it could have been. So I

2522
01:54:08,520 --> 01:54:11,960
Speaker 5: thank my family for y'all. Remember y'all being there, thank

2523
01:54:12,200 --> 01:54:13,760
Speaker 5: you know, because y'all were kind of nervous. I remember

2524
01:54:13,800 --> 01:54:16,400
Speaker 5: y'all whispering being like, did they tell her what happened?

2525
01:54:17,160 --> 01:54:21,040
Speaker 5: And I was like, yes, they told me what happened, Okay, yeah,

2526
01:54:22,600 --> 01:54:27,000
Speaker 5: And so it still took a year to get pregnant,

2527
01:54:27,200 --> 01:54:30,080
Speaker 5: and then I actually we conceived Claire, not Claire.

2528
01:54:30,120 --> 01:54:32,360
Speaker 4: We're talking about that journey because there's a lot of

2529
01:54:32,440 --> 01:54:35,520
Speaker 4: women that may be on that journey where that faith

2530
01:54:36,000 --> 01:54:37,600
Speaker 4: and it wasn't coming.

2531
01:54:37,680 --> 01:54:39,080
Speaker 2: And what was you doing to.

2532
01:54:41,440 --> 01:54:44,560
Speaker 4: To manifest your your your your child and what things

2533
01:54:44,600 --> 01:54:47,440
Speaker 4: that you put in play to keep you hopeful and

2534
01:54:47,560 --> 01:54:48,240
Speaker 4: moving in faith.

2535
01:54:48,640 --> 01:54:51,560
Speaker 5: It was hard. It for sure, without a doubt, was

2536
01:54:51,600 --> 01:54:54,120
Speaker 5: the hardest thing I've ever went through individually as a woman,

2537
01:54:55,240 --> 01:54:57,960
Speaker 5: because you know, you get told like, as a woman,

2538
01:54:58,000 --> 01:54:59,720
Speaker 5: you're supposed to have a baby, that's the one thing

2539
01:54:59,760 --> 01:55:02,240
Speaker 5: you're supposed to do. So I was kind of carrying

2540
01:55:02,360 --> 01:55:05,600
Speaker 5: some shame of not conceiving, even though no one around

2541
01:55:05,680 --> 01:55:07,920
Speaker 5: me knew I was conceived. I was trying to conceive,

2542
01:55:08,000 --> 01:55:11,640
Speaker 5: but I knew. I remember every single month, even months

2543
01:55:11,680 --> 01:55:13,920
Speaker 5: where I knew we weren't hitting those fertile days and

2544
01:55:13,960 --> 01:55:16,640
Speaker 5: fertile windows. Anybody who's trying to concede, you know what

2545
01:55:16,720 --> 01:55:18,240
Speaker 5: that means. If you're not conceiving, you don't even know

2546
01:55:18,280 --> 01:55:21,320
Speaker 5: what fertile days You're like, wait, talking about times where

2547
01:55:21,360 --> 01:55:23,960
Speaker 5: I know we didn't hit those, I would still take

2548
01:55:24,000 --> 01:55:26,240
Speaker 5: a test and it'd be negative and would bob my

2549
01:55:26,320 --> 01:55:28,560
Speaker 5: eyes out because it was negative. I'm like, oh my gosh,

2550
01:55:28,680 --> 01:55:30,080
Speaker 5: why is this not you know, why is this not

2551
01:55:30,200 --> 01:55:33,640
Speaker 5: happening to me? It was hard. Mother's Day was hard.

2552
01:55:34,240 --> 01:55:38,280
Speaker 5: Father's Day was hard, Christmas was Every big holiday where

2553
01:55:38,320 --> 01:55:40,640
Speaker 5: you can think about people spending time with their families

2554
01:55:40,800 --> 01:55:42,720
Speaker 5: was hard. It came to a point to where when

2555
01:55:42,720 --> 01:55:46,080
Speaker 5: I was going to family gatherings and people weren't asking

2556
01:55:46,240 --> 01:55:48,400
Speaker 5: we're not gonna have a kid, but like just seeing

2557
01:55:48,480 --> 01:55:52,760
Speaker 5: people with their children kind of like emphasize my lack

2558
01:55:53,080 --> 01:55:54,920
Speaker 5: I guess as like a woman. And that was really

2559
01:55:55,120 --> 01:55:59,680
Speaker 5: really really hard for me. And also to add Tay

2560
01:55:59,720 --> 01:56:02,360
Speaker 5: and then he was he was unemployed for like a year,

2561
01:56:02,960 --> 01:56:05,160
Speaker 5: so it was like this weird balance of being like, well,

2562
01:56:05,200 --> 01:56:08,080
Speaker 5: maybe God's trying to protect us from like having this

2563
01:56:08,280 --> 01:56:10,480
Speaker 5: baby in this moment, knowing it'll be hard from us.

2564
01:56:10,800 --> 01:56:12,960
Speaker 5: But then I was also arguing with God in my

2565
01:56:13,080 --> 01:56:14,800
Speaker 5: head because I'm like, God, it takes nine months for

2566
01:56:14,880 --> 01:56:16,800
Speaker 5: the baby to cook, so like, you might as well

2567
01:56:16,840 --> 01:56:18,520
Speaker 5: put the baby in there and then they'll be cooking

2568
01:56:18,600 --> 01:56:19,440
Speaker 5: and then he'll get a job.

2569
01:56:20,440 --> 01:56:20,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

2570
01:56:20,720 --> 01:56:23,640
Speaker 5: I was just grasping that straws at that point. And

2571
01:56:23,840 --> 01:56:27,760
Speaker 5: so I remember this the biggest time ever of me

2572
01:56:27,840 --> 01:56:31,320
Speaker 5: getting a negative test. It was before Father's Day and

2573
01:56:32,280 --> 01:56:34,400
Speaker 5: I just knew I was pregnant. I was like, I

2574
01:56:34,520 --> 01:56:37,760
Speaker 5: am pregnant. I ordered stuff from Amazon to tell Tay

2575
01:56:37,800 --> 01:56:40,160
Speaker 5: that I was pregnant. I was so excited. I took

2576
01:56:40,200 --> 01:56:44,400
Speaker 5: a test and it said negative, and I bawled on

2577
01:56:44,600 --> 01:56:47,680
Speaker 5: the floor like for like an hour, and I prayed

2578
01:56:47,720 --> 01:56:50,600
Speaker 5: to God. I said, God, why would you put this

2579
01:56:50,800 --> 01:56:53,040
Speaker 5: desire to be a mother in my heart if you're

2580
01:56:53,160 --> 01:56:56,320
Speaker 5: not going to give me a child to mother. It

2581
01:56:56,440 --> 01:56:59,720
Speaker 5: felt almost like a like a sick joke, for lack

2582
01:56:59,760 --> 01:57:02,440
Speaker 5: of better words. It just felt like I just felt

2583
01:57:02,480 --> 01:57:06,480
Speaker 5: like I wasn't whole. And I felt really guilty for

2584
01:57:06,560 --> 01:57:08,960
Speaker 5: feeling that way because I have a husband I have dogs,

2585
01:57:09,000 --> 01:57:11,320
Speaker 5: I have family, I was loved, so it's like, what

2586
01:57:11,480 --> 01:57:15,160
Speaker 5: about being a mother was so big to me? But

2587
01:57:15,280 --> 01:57:17,760
Speaker 5: it was just a feeling. And when you get that

2588
01:57:17,840 --> 01:57:19,840
Speaker 5: feeling as a woman, it's like you can't shake it,

2589
01:57:20,280 --> 01:57:22,760
Speaker 5: Like you can't shake it until that baby is literally

2590
01:57:23,240 --> 01:57:25,000
Speaker 5: in your arms, not even your stomach. It has to

2591
01:57:25,040 --> 01:57:27,000
Speaker 5: be in your arms for you to get past that feeling.

2592
01:57:27,960 --> 01:57:30,920
Speaker 5: And then that same day, one of my best friends,

2593
01:57:31,000 --> 01:57:33,400
Speaker 5: my best friend, basically called me and told me that

2594
01:57:33,480 --> 01:57:36,840
Speaker 5: she was pregnant. And when I tell you, that was

2595
01:57:36,960 --> 01:57:41,760
Speaker 5: my biggest test of like faith, because I remember her

2596
01:57:41,920 --> 01:57:44,400
Speaker 5: telling me that, and she specifically wanted to FaceTime and

2597
01:57:44,480 --> 01:57:47,160
Speaker 5: she told me on face time, and my heart just

2598
01:57:47,480 --> 01:57:51,640
Speaker 5: feel with just like pain because it was her second baby.

2599
01:57:51,720 --> 01:57:54,560
Speaker 5: I hadn't had my first. I'm comparing myself like dang,

2600
01:57:54,640 --> 01:57:56,280
Speaker 5: what am I doing wrong? What are we doing wrong?

2601
01:57:56,720 --> 01:57:58,320
Speaker 5: And I remember I got off the phone with her

2602
01:57:59,240 --> 01:58:05,080
Speaker 5: and Tay said, hey, let's talk about something, and I'm like,

2603
01:58:05,160 --> 01:58:07,480
Speaker 5: what's up. He's like, how do you feel you took

2604
01:58:07,520 --> 01:58:10,280
Speaker 5: the news of your friend telling you that she was pregnant?

2605
01:58:10,720 --> 01:58:12,240
Speaker 5: I said, I mean she told me, Like what is it?

2606
01:58:12,400 --> 01:58:14,360
Speaker 5: He's like, you don't think that you were being standoffish

2607
01:58:15,040 --> 01:58:18,360
Speaker 5: or like kind of rude or kind of like insensitive.

2608
01:58:18,720 --> 01:58:21,240
Speaker 5: And I was offended that he came to be like

2609
01:58:21,320 --> 01:58:23,360
Speaker 5: that because I'm like, well, you know, I'm struggling, like, well,

2610
01:58:23,600 --> 01:58:25,280
Speaker 5: how do you expect me to act? He's like, well,

2611
01:58:25,320 --> 01:58:28,880
Speaker 5: you can't act like that. Even when your face with that,

2612
01:58:29,120 --> 01:58:31,160
Speaker 5: which I understand was hard, it doesn't give you the

2613
01:58:31,200 --> 01:58:34,440
Speaker 5: excuse to be standoffish. My argument was that I wasn't rude.

2614
01:58:34,440 --> 01:58:36,080
Speaker 5: I didn't yell at her, I didn't roll my eyes.

2615
01:58:36,400 --> 01:58:38,400
Speaker 5: He's like, but you weren't even excited, and it was

2616
01:58:38,520 --> 01:58:41,080
Speaker 5: very apparent to see that. And then at that moment

2617
01:58:41,240 --> 01:58:43,720
Speaker 5: I took a step back, and I remember the sermon

2618
01:58:43,800 --> 01:58:47,280
Speaker 5: that I had near that time at church talked about

2619
01:58:47,440 --> 01:58:50,520
Speaker 5: making things idle in your life, and I realized that

2620
01:58:50,680 --> 01:58:53,600
Speaker 5: I made becoming a mother and idol in my life

2621
01:58:53,760 --> 01:58:56,640
Speaker 5: where nothing else mattered. And I just worshiped the idea

2622
01:58:56,720 --> 01:58:59,560
Speaker 5: of being a mother to someone and those that could

2623
01:58:59,600 --> 01:59:03,000
Speaker 5: be something. I think that it's okay, you couldn't idolize

2624
01:59:03,040 --> 01:59:05,560
Speaker 5: worse things. I realized it had reached up plants where

2625
01:59:05,600 --> 01:59:09,040
Speaker 5: it was unhealthy. And then so fast forward some months,

2626
01:59:09,960 --> 01:59:14,360
Speaker 5: I actually conceived. I think it was October twenty twenty four,

2627
01:59:15,200 --> 01:59:17,720
Speaker 5: and I was so excited I told it. I always

2628
01:59:17,760 --> 01:59:20,520
Speaker 5: told myself that when I conceived, I wouldn't tell anybody

2629
01:59:20,640 --> 01:59:22,960
Speaker 5: until I was exing myou. I told everybody to I

2630
01:59:23,080 --> 01:59:25,040
Speaker 5: peede on the stick, I said, I'm pregnant, everybody. I

2631
01:59:25,160 --> 01:59:27,520
Speaker 5: was so excited. That was the best feeling ever. And

2632
01:59:27,600 --> 01:59:29,560
Speaker 5: the men take croud about it, and it was just

2633
01:59:29,720 --> 01:59:32,200
Speaker 5: it was the best feeling ever. And I was pregnant

2634
01:59:32,320 --> 01:59:36,200
Speaker 5: for two weeks technically six weeks in pregnancy time, but

2635
01:59:36,280 --> 01:59:38,400
Speaker 5: two weeks of knowing that I was pregnant, and I

2636
01:59:38,480 --> 01:59:41,720
Speaker 5: had a miscarriage while I was at work, and that

2637
01:59:43,680 --> 01:59:47,600
Speaker 5: I can't even recall to you what that moment was

2638
01:59:47,880 --> 01:59:52,520
Speaker 5: because I think I just like turned into myself. I

2639
01:59:52,680 --> 01:59:55,400
Speaker 5: was like, everyone around me was like, how are you like?

2640
01:59:55,480 --> 01:59:57,920
Speaker 5: I feel like everyone was walking on eggshells around me.

2641
01:59:58,360 --> 02:00:01,120
Speaker 5: But I was assuring everybody, I'm fine, I'm fine, don't

2642
02:00:01,120 --> 02:00:04,160
Speaker 5: worry about it. I'm fine. I was not fine. I

2643
02:00:04,320 --> 02:00:07,720
Speaker 5: was bawling my eyes out, I was crying. Hey was

2644
02:00:07,760 --> 02:00:08,480
Speaker 5: worried about me?

2645
02:00:09,520 --> 02:00:09,720
Speaker 4: I was.

2646
02:00:09,880 --> 02:00:12,720
Speaker 5: I wasn't fine at all. But then I said, you

2647
02:00:12,800 --> 02:00:15,640
Speaker 5: know what you got pregnant once you can get pregnant again.

2648
02:00:15,840 --> 02:00:18,000
Speaker 5: I don't want to try it, but I know we

2649
02:00:18,080 --> 02:00:20,440
Speaker 5: can get pregnant again. And then here this man is

2650
02:00:20,560 --> 02:00:23,280
Speaker 5: being like, we have to try, Like you cannot get

2651
02:00:23,360 --> 02:00:26,640
Speaker 5: pregnant again unless we try to get pregnant again, Like

2652
02:00:27,000 --> 02:00:29,440
Speaker 5: this is what it has to be. So we prayed

2653
02:00:29,440 --> 02:00:33,080
Speaker 5: about it together. He was already involved in me tracking

2654
02:00:33,120 --> 02:00:35,080
Speaker 5: my cycles and everything like that. But him being the

2655
02:00:35,160 --> 02:00:38,400
Speaker 5: analytical person that he is, when he can understand the

2656
02:00:38,480 --> 02:00:42,000
Speaker 5: science behind something, he's like, Okay, well, Google says that

2657
02:00:42,160 --> 02:00:45,360
Speaker 5: if you do this and this and this increases your

2658
02:00:45,440 --> 02:00:52,320
Speaker 5: chances and increases your chances of conceiving. And so we

2659
02:00:52,520 --> 02:00:59,000
Speaker 5: actually conceived Claire sorry December twenty twenty four, so the

2660
02:00:59,160 --> 02:01:01,840
Speaker 5: cycle after I had my miscarriage. So about a month

2661
02:01:01,880 --> 02:01:03,080
Speaker 5: after I had my miscarriage.

2662
02:01:03,480 --> 02:01:06,480
Speaker 4: I remember that phone conversation. I just got finished during

2663
02:01:06,560 --> 02:01:09,680
Speaker 4: the interview and I was driving. I had pulled on

2664
02:01:09,760 --> 02:01:12,400
Speaker 4: the side of the road because you were just I

2665
02:01:12,480 --> 02:01:15,680
Speaker 4: was like that, and I forgot your exact words because

2666
02:01:15,680 --> 02:01:19,080
Speaker 4: they were so strong where you was like pretty much,

2667
02:01:20,360 --> 02:01:21,960
Speaker 4: I'm not a woman if I can't have a kid,

2668
02:01:22,680 --> 02:01:24,720
Speaker 4: and I said no, And I.

2669
02:01:26,760 --> 02:01:29,720
Speaker 2: Knew in that moment. Don't try to male explain it.

2670
02:01:30,080 --> 02:01:35,520
Speaker 2: Just listen. And you were just going like what value

2671
02:01:35,600 --> 02:01:37,920
Speaker 2: do I have if I can't be a mother? What

2672
02:01:38,280 --> 02:01:40,840
Speaker 2: is my purpose? What is this? Like? Why?

2673
02:01:41,600 --> 02:01:43,320
Speaker 4: And I just sat there and I said, this is

2674
02:01:43,400 --> 02:01:46,360
Speaker 4: one thing I can't fix. And as a father, always

2675
02:01:46,480 --> 02:01:48,440
Speaker 4: jumped to try to fix certain things, and I was like,

2676
02:01:48,760 --> 02:01:51,520
Speaker 4: I can't. I can't do nothing. And then God, after

2677
02:01:51,520 --> 02:01:53,160
Speaker 4: I got the phone and said you can't do nothing.

2678
02:01:53,520 --> 02:01:55,360
Speaker 4: So I can't do nothing, he said you can pray,

2679
02:01:56,000 --> 02:01:59,200
Speaker 4: and I was like yeah, but he said, why does

2680
02:01:59,240 --> 02:02:03,720
Speaker 4: it have to be a butt pray? And I prayed,

2681
02:02:04,200 --> 02:02:06,520
Speaker 4: and at first I wanted to pray a prayer that

2682
02:02:07,080 --> 02:02:09,200
Speaker 4: if you don't have a kid, let you be okay

2683
02:02:09,280 --> 02:02:12,640
Speaker 4: with it, but my faith be like I don't like ifs.

2684
02:02:13,200 --> 02:02:15,320
Speaker 2: So I said, God, let her have a kid, like,

2685
02:02:15,560 --> 02:02:18,120
Speaker 2: let her have a child, because I do.

2686
02:02:18,360 --> 02:02:22,880
Speaker 4: Not want my daughter going through this earth feeling like

2687
02:02:23,360 --> 02:02:26,880
Speaker 4: she is less than period. And I was like, I

2688
02:02:26,880 --> 02:02:28,960
Speaker 4: ain't gonna tell her that though then I prayed that prayer.

2689
02:02:29,040 --> 02:02:32,200
Speaker 4: I'm just going to just be like hey and let

2690
02:02:32,280 --> 02:02:34,480
Speaker 4: it be what it is. And I was just silent,

2691
02:02:34,560 --> 02:02:36,440
Speaker 4: but I cried in that car and I was like God,

2692
02:02:36,480 --> 02:02:39,560
Speaker 4: because I will never understand what that feels like as

2693
02:02:39,640 --> 02:02:43,000
Speaker 4: a woman. I can only speak up about it from

2694
02:02:43,000 --> 02:02:45,960
Speaker 4: a male standpoint, but as a woman to feel like that,

2695
02:02:46,480 --> 02:02:48,440
Speaker 4: and to know all the steps that you were doing

2696
02:02:48,520 --> 02:02:51,040
Speaker 4: in order to position yourself into that, and how much

2697
02:02:51,920 --> 02:02:55,240
Speaker 4: pushback you got from even your friends that said, why

2698
02:02:55,280 --> 02:02:57,400
Speaker 4: do you make like all you want to be is

2699
02:02:57,440 --> 02:02:58,120
Speaker 4: a mother.

2700
02:02:57,960 --> 02:03:00,920
Speaker 5: And a wife like that it you don't have any

2701
02:03:01,000 --> 02:03:03,840
Speaker 5: career like and he was like, that's what I want.

2702
02:03:03,960 --> 02:03:06,080
Speaker 4: And at first you felt ashamed about it, and then

2703
02:03:06,120 --> 02:03:07,480
Speaker 4: you start saying, no, it's okay.

2704
02:03:07,640 --> 02:03:09,160
Speaker 2: Then I want to be a mother and a wife

2705
02:03:09,320 --> 02:03:10,080
Speaker 2: like that's okay.

2706
02:03:11,840 --> 02:03:16,400
Speaker 4: And I never knew that until you were struggling being

2707
02:03:16,440 --> 02:03:20,280
Speaker 4: a mother, And I was like, oh you thought that,

2708
02:03:20,600 --> 02:03:22,160
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, where did that come from?

2709
02:03:22,240 --> 02:03:25,640
Speaker 4: By the way, what part that your whole purpose and

2710
02:03:25,720 --> 02:03:28,400
Speaker 4: desiring life to be a mother and a wife.

2711
02:03:28,480 --> 02:03:31,200
Speaker 2: You didn't have any type of career ambitions.

2712
02:03:32,000 --> 02:03:34,480
Speaker 5: I you know, you said I didn't dograde in school,

2713
02:03:34,840 --> 02:03:37,880
Speaker 5: not saying because I didn't degrade in school, I'm Georgia.

2714
02:03:37,920 --> 02:03:38,960
Speaker 2: I guess that's all I got.

2715
02:03:39,280 --> 02:03:41,440
Speaker 5: That's not at all what happened. But when I think

2716
02:03:41,520 --> 02:03:45,640
Speaker 5: about what brings me joy and what brings me personally purpose.

2717
02:03:46,440 --> 02:03:48,760
Speaker 5: I love my husband, I want to I think I

2718
02:03:48,800 --> 02:03:52,560
Speaker 5: think about our future together, having children and raising them

2719
02:03:52,640 --> 02:03:55,480
Speaker 5: and taking them on family trips and like all kinds

2720
02:03:55,480 --> 02:03:56,960
Speaker 5: of things like that, Like those are the things that

2721
02:03:57,120 --> 02:03:59,600
Speaker 5: actually brought me joy. So it made me think because

2722
02:03:59,640 --> 02:04:01,360
Speaker 5: I used to struggle with the idea of why did

2723
02:04:01,440 --> 02:04:04,360
Speaker 5: I have a passion, Like why are I good at anything?

2724
02:04:04,640 --> 02:04:06,720
Speaker 5: Like what is my thing that I'm going to be

2725
02:04:06,800 --> 02:04:10,000
Speaker 5: good at? And then I kind of just realized one day,

2726
02:04:10,120 --> 02:04:13,040
Speaker 5: like I think I'm supposed to just be a good

2727
02:04:13,160 --> 02:04:15,480
Speaker 5: mom and a good wife, and like, to me, that

2728
02:04:15,720 --> 02:04:18,560
Speaker 5: is kingdom work. Like that, that's an amazing thing, is

2729
02:04:18,640 --> 02:04:21,160
Speaker 5: to be a mom and a wife, a good mom

2730
02:04:21,200 --> 02:04:23,960
Speaker 5: and a good wife. So I stop being ashamed of

2731
02:04:24,080 --> 02:04:26,280
Speaker 5: it and just embrace it. And it doesn't mean And

2732
02:04:26,320 --> 02:04:28,240
Speaker 5: I do want to take back on, you know, saying

2733
02:04:28,320 --> 02:04:30,480
Speaker 5: the things that I said when like I don't have

2734
02:04:30,720 --> 02:04:33,080
Speaker 5: value without being able to bear children. That is not

2735
02:04:33,200 --> 02:04:35,200
Speaker 5: true at all, Like that was just me speaking from

2736
02:04:35,240 --> 02:04:38,200
Speaker 5: a place of hurt. Even if I did not have children,

2737
02:04:38,280 --> 02:04:40,640
Speaker 5: if God did not want me to have children, that

2738
02:04:40,800 --> 02:04:42,840
Speaker 5: means that that is not what I was supposed to

2739
02:04:42,920 --> 02:04:44,800
Speaker 5: do and that would be a very hard pill to swallow,

2740
02:04:45,520 --> 02:04:48,040
Speaker 5: and it's easier on hindsight to say that. But yeah,

2741
02:04:48,560 --> 02:04:51,560
Speaker 5: I do think that that's just where my heart led me.

2742
02:04:51,760 --> 02:04:53,960
Speaker 5: And then now that I'm a mom and a wife,

2743
02:04:55,120 --> 02:04:58,680
Speaker 5: I'm happy, like I just feel fulfilled every day, I

2744
02:04:58,760 --> 02:05:02,320
Speaker 5: feel joy, I feel I just feel complete.

2745
02:05:02,960 --> 02:05:05,360
Speaker 2: How did you feel about that, knowing that she was

2746
02:05:05,400 --> 02:05:06,560
Speaker 2: struggling through all bit.

2747
02:05:07,680 --> 02:05:08,760
Speaker 3: From the entirety of it.

2748
02:05:09,000 --> 02:05:11,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, So going back to the loss, I think

2749
02:05:11,720 --> 02:05:13,440
Speaker 1: that was you kind of said a lot of the

2750
02:05:13,440 --> 02:05:15,800
Speaker 1: same things that I went through. I think we, at

2751
02:05:15,880 --> 02:05:17,960
Speaker 1: different points in her life, got to play the role

2752
02:05:18,040 --> 02:05:21,880
Speaker 1: of like mister fix it. Like I think every problem

2753
02:05:21,960 --> 02:05:25,000
Speaker 1: she's faced in the tenure of us dating is somehow

2754
02:05:25,480 --> 02:05:27,800
Speaker 1: ended up right in front of me, and I've embraced it.

2755
02:05:28,040 --> 02:05:28,600
Speaker 3: I've fixed it.

2756
02:05:29,280 --> 02:05:31,120
Speaker 1: I have a bad habit of sometimes fixing everything and

2757
02:05:31,160 --> 02:05:33,240
Speaker 1: sometimes like hold on, mister fix it, like listen.

2758
02:05:33,960 --> 02:05:35,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that was one of the.

2759
02:05:35,520 --> 02:05:38,160
Speaker 3: Few times that when that happened.

2760
02:05:38,160 --> 02:05:42,240
Speaker 1: I think it's easy for people to if it's not

2761
02:05:42,360 --> 02:05:45,520
Speaker 1: like heavy on your heart to be a parent when

2762
02:05:45,640 --> 02:05:46,520
Speaker 1: loss happens early.

2763
02:05:46,560 --> 02:05:47,879
Speaker 3: I think it's like way differently.

2764
02:05:48,000 --> 02:05:52,200
Speaker 1: I think people view someone being like six months along

2765
02:05:52,600 --> 02:05:56,640
Speaker 1: as just leaps and bounds worse to somebody emotionally than

2766
02:05:56,680 --> 02:05:58,160
Speaker 1: it would be if it was like a like two

2767
02:05:58,200 --> 02:06:01,920
Speaker 1: to three week pregnancy in that case, and just to

2768
02:06:02,000 --> 02:06:05,200
Speaker 1: see her go through those phases and like the helplessness

2769
02:06:05,280 --> 02:06:08,200
Speaker 1: of like it's zero things that I can do. I

2770
02:06:08,280 --> 02:06:10,680
Speaker 1: can pray with you, I can pray for you, I

2771
02:06:10,800 --> 02:06:14,040
Speaker 1: can like hug you, hold you, I can assure you,

2772
02:06:14,280 --> 02:06:15,960
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I can't fix

2773
02:06:16,040 --> 02:06:16,720
Speaker 1: what the problem is.

2774
02:06:16,800 --> 02:06:18,920
Speaker 3: I can't like hold a child in.

2775
02:06:18,960 --> 02:06:21,120
Speaker 1: Your womb for nine months until it's ready to come out.

2776
02:06:22,280 --> 02:06:27,280
Speaker 1: So I think like that was very humbling, and I

2777
02:06:27,400 --> 02:06:31,720
Speaker 1: think it opened up the door for me to, I guess,

2778
02:06:31,800 --> 02:06:34,760
Speaker 1: like understand my own emotions better because I think a

2779
02:06:34,840 --> 02:06:37,360
Speaker 1: lot of times you just as a man in general,

2780
02:06:37,400 --> 02:06:38,920
Speaker 1: you go through so many phases of life that you

2781
02:06:39,120 --> 02:06:42,120
Speaker 1: just overcome, overcome, overcome, overcome, and you just kind of

2782
02:06:42,240 --> 02:06:44,880
Speaker 1: like you harden a little bit, like you get you

2783
02:06:44,960 --> 02:06:46,760
Speaker 1: get that that thick skin, you get tougher. So as

2784
02:06:46,800 --> 02:06:49,880
Speaker 1: you handle the problem, it just doesn't phaze you the same,

2785
02:06:50,360 --> 02:06:52,480
Speaker 1: and you feel it and it's stings, but you you

2786
02:06:52,600 --> 02:06:55,720
Speaker 1: somehow find a way to continue to move forward almost

2787
02:06:55,760 --> 02:06:57,600
Speaker 1: so fast that you don't really process, and I think

2788
02:06:57,680 --> 02:07:01,120
Speaker 1: she forced me to like see they're in process, and

2789
02:07:01,240 --> 02:07:03,320
Speaker 1: like process what it's like to have somebody else as

2790
02:07:03,360 --> 02:07:06,440
Speaker 1: well be going through strong emotions. And it gave me

2791
02:07:06,520 --> 02:07:09,040
Speaker 1: an opportunity to be the quote unquote strong one and

2792
02:07:09,160 --> 02:07:10,560
Speaker 1: make sure that we were continue to moving forward.

2793
02:07:10,560 --> 02:07:13,600
Speaker 3: Otherwise we wouldn't have tried. And I can't stay with certainty.

2794
02:07:13,600 --> 02:07:15,960
Speaker 1: If we didn't try as like quickly as we did,

2795
02:07:16,200 --> 02:07:17,720
Speaker 1: it wouldn't be this baby right here.

2796
02:07:17,840 --> 02:07:19,960
Speaker 3: So I think that was important.

2797
02:07:20,040 --> 02:07:21,240
Speaker 2: And Claire was born what was.

2798
02:07:21,240 --> 02:07:25,560
Speaker 5: A date, August five.

2799
02:07:25,080 --> 02:07:30,120
Speaker 2: And that wasn't an easy situation. Well what touched real

2800
02:07:30,240 --> 02:07:32,400
Speaker 2: quickly on how that came to be.

2801
02:07:32,800 --> 02:07:35,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, So I actually had Claire at thirty five weeks

2802
02:07:35,600 --> 02:07:38,960
Speaker 5: in one day, so that's about or was it thirty

2803
02:07:38,960 --> 02:07:40,800
Speaker 5: four weeks in one day? I don't know, but I

2804
02:07:40,880 --> 02:07:43,800
Speaker 5: had her about five weeks early because I developed pretty clampsia,

2805
02:07:44,160 --> 02:07:47,080
Speaker 5: which means I had high blood pressure, and they I

2806
02:07:47,240 --> 02:07:50,200
Speaker 5: was getting constant headaches, so they just felt like it

2807
02:07:50,280 --> 02:07:52,280
Speaker 5: was better to induce me. She was doing well, so

2808
02:07:52,440 --> 02:07:54,960
Speaker 5: to protect me, they induced me. And that was very

2809
02:07:55,040 --> 02:07:57,920
Speaker 5: scary because I didn't want to have a baby in

2810
02:07:57,920 --> 02:07:59,160
Speaker 5: the nick you like, you know, you hear on the

2811
02:08:00,240 --> 02:08:02,560
Speaker 5: on social media like having babies and the NIKKEI was

2812
02:08:02,600 --> 02:08:05,640
Speaker 5: like scary, So that was that was very scary for me.

2813
02:08:07,040 --> 02:08:08,760
Speaker 5: But it's kind of like I didn't I didn't even

2814
02:08:08,760 --> 02:08:10,320
Speaker 5: have time to be scared because they were just like,

2815
02:08:10,360 --> 02:08:12,120
Speaker 5: We're like, I just went in for a headache and

2816
02:08:12,160 --> 02:08:13,440
Speaker 5: they're like, well, we're docing you tonight.

2817
02:08:13,600 --> 02:08:16,840
Speaker 1: So so yeah, they came about pretty quick. I think

2818
02:08:17,320 --> 02:08:19,320
Speaker 1: there there were some fears because I mean, you just

2819
02:08:19,440 --> 02:08:21,280
Speaker 1: do not know. You don't know like the condition of

2820
02:08:21,360 --> 02:08:24,160
Speaker 1: your child. I think through their ultrasounds they were like

2821
02:08:25,160 --> 02:08:27,040
Speaker 1: it was wrong in hindsight, but they were saying she's

2822
02:08:27,040 --> 02:08:29,400
Speaker 1: gonna be like four pounds, which is like very small.

2823
02:08:30,560 --> 02:08:31,960
Speaker 3: That was not the case. She was like six and

2824
02:08:32,000 --> 02:08:32,600
Speaker 3: a half pounds.

2825
02:08:33,480 --> 02:08:36,000
Speaker 1: So we'll work harder on the on the medicine side

2826
02:08:36,000 --> 02:08:38,880
Speaker 1: to get that get the sonograms up. But yeah, I

2827
02:08:38,920 --> 02:08:40,480
Speaker 1: think you just have all these concerns you don't know,

2828
02:08:40,640 --> 02:08:42,840
Speaker 1: like the health of your wife, the health of your child,

2829
02:08:44,280 --> 02:08:46,360
Speaker 1: going in and messing with the process and like trying

2830
02:08:46,400 --> 02:08:48,280
Speaker 1: to force something to happen early, like I don't know

2831
02:08:48,360 --> 02:08:48,880
Speaker 1: what that looks like.

2832
02:08:48,920 --> 02:08:50,000
Speaker 3: That's not how God intended.

2833
02:08:51,320 --> 02:08:55,000
Speaker 1: So again, there was concerns for sure, but I think

2834
02:08:55,400 --> 02:08:58,480
Speaker 1: it just happened so fast. You just pray, you move forward,

2835
02:08:58,520 --> 02:09:01,640
Speaker 1: you continue to go, and thankfully we can say in

2836
02:09:01,680 --> 02:09:03,680
Speaker 1: hindsight that it was a pretty good experience overall in

2837
02:09:03,800 --> 02:09:05,040
Speaker 1: terms of like how everything played out.

2838
02:09:06,120 --> 02:09:10,280
Speaker 4: Claire came into this earth, and a few months ya

2839
02:09:10,640 --> 02:09:12,480
Speaker 4: after she was born, y'all said that y'all want to

2840
02:09:12,520 --> 02:09:14,520
Speaker 4: have y'all second child around what time?

2841
02:09:14,920 --> 02:09:17,880
Speaker 5: Probably when she was like two, yeah, But then as

2842
02:09:18,120 --> 02:09:21,240
Speaker 5: the weeks and months were cricketbi we were like maybe five.

2843
02:09:21,960 --> 02:09:22,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were like.

2844
02:09:23,040 --> 02:09:25,680
Speaker 5: Maybe we would be only parents of one. Yeah, that

2845
02:09:25,800 --> 02:09:26,520
Speaker 5: sounds fun.

2846
02:09:26,360 --> 02:09:28,160
Speaker 2: Too, uh huh. And then what happened.

2847
02:09:30,680 --> 02:09:33,960
Speaker 5: Claire hit four months. I said, Tay, my periods late,

2848
02:09:34,280 --> 02:09:36,760
Speaker 5: but I know I'm not pregnant. He's like, yeah, you're

2849
02:09:36,840 --> 02:09:39,000
Speaker 5: just probably, you know, you just stop breastfeeding. You probably

2850
02:09:39,080 --> 02:09:42,480
Speaker 5: your body's still regulating. And I didn't have any pregnancy tests.

2851
02:09:42,480 --> 02:09:44,520
Speaker 5: So I went on my neighborhood's Facebook group. And it

2852
02:09:44,600 --> 02:09:46,960
Speaker 5: was also during the winter storm too, in fact, so

2853
02:09:47,040 --> 02:09:49,400
Speaker 5: I went to my neighborhood's Facebook group and I said, hey,

2854
02:09:49,680 --> 02:09:52,680
Speaker 5: any I posted anonymously. I said do any women have

2855
02:09:52,760 --> 02:09:55,840
Speaker 5: any spare pregnancy tests? And what's funny is the woman

2856
02:09:55,840 --> 02:09:58,080
Speaker 5: who had a spare pregnancy test was a woman who

2857
02:09:58,280 --> 02:10:01,320
Speaker 5: gave me free formula when I was breastfeeding Clear giving

2858
02:10:01,320 --> 02:10:05,480
Speaker 5: her formula, and I pete on the stick and before

2859
02:10:05,520 --> 02:10:07,920
Speaker 5: I even could blink, it was two lines on it.

2860
02:10:08,400 --> 02:10:09,080
Speaker 3: Oh, it was fast.

2861
02:10:09,120 --> 02:10:12,520
Speaker 5: That's the fastest ever at all the times I beg

2862
02:10:12,760 --> 02:10:13,839
Speaker 5: to see two lines.

2863
02:10:16,680 --> 02:10:18,680
Speaker 2: And then y'all's first response was what.

2864
02:10:19,400 --> 02:10:22,280
Speaker 5: Who mine or his? Y'all go first?

2865
02:10:22,680 --> 02:10:24,600
Speaker 1: I mean for me, it was initial like shock. I

2866
02:10:24,680 --> 02:10:27,240
Speaker 1: think I just didn't think it was possible, like we

2867
02:10:27,640 --> 02:10:31,480
Speaker 1: worked so hard to get a child. Yeah, and then

2868
02:10:31,560 --> 02:10:33,920
Speaker 1: just random like and here's another one like it said, Okay, well,

2869
02:10:33,920 --> 02:10:37,480
Speaker 1: I guess I guess it. Maybe it can be easy

2870
02:10:37,520 --> 02:10:39,200
Speaker 1: and sometimes if you just want it bad enough, I

2871
02:10:39,240 --> 02:10:41,280
Speaker 1: guess some extra obstacles got to come up first.

2872
02:10:42,440 --> 02:10:43,480
Speaker 2: And then what was your response?

2873
02:10:43,680 --> 02:10:46,480
Speaker 5: I took it hard, if I could be honest, I was.

2874
02:10:46,880 --> 02:10:51,120
Speaker 5: I cried, I sobbed, I bawled, tying it up, just

2875
02:10:51,200 --> 02:10:52,880
Speaker 5: taking Clear out and was like, I'm gonna give you

2876
02:10:52,960 --> 02:10:55,800
Speaker 5: some space, and he just left the room with Claire

2877
02:10:56,480 --> 02:11:00,120
Speaker 5: because I was thinking why, like I am like like

2878
02:11:00,360 --> 02:11:04,560
Speaker 5: in the thick of postpartum, just finished, like breastfeeding, was

2879
02:11:04,640 --> 02:11:07,960
Speaker 5: worn out from that, just started back work. Nowhere near

2880
02:11:08,280 --> 02:11:11,080
Speaker 5: like feeling like I'm getting the grasp of stuff. I

2881
02:11:11,240 --> 02:11:13,480
Speaker 5: was happy because I kind of got back skinny quickly,

2882
02:11:13,920 --> 02:11:16,000
Speaker 5: but other than that, I was I just really took

2883
02:11:16,000 --> 02:11:19,360
Speaker 5: it really really hard. That we conceived a baby four

2884
02:11:19,440 --> 02:11:20,880
Speaker 5: months postpartum.

2885
02:11:21,600 --> 02:11:23,280
Speaker 4: Isn't that crazy? And this is what happens to us?

2886
02:11:23,760 --> 02:11:25,360
Speaker 4: She a very praying prayer. I just want to be

2887
02:11:25,440 --> 02:11:27,720
Speaker 4: a mom and a wife. I just wanted kids, only

2888
02:11:27,760 --> 02:11:30,680
Speaker 4: be a mother. Well do this have two kids back

2889
02:11:30,720 --> 02:11:33,120
Speaker 4: to back? And she's like, oh God, God. He's like,

2890
02:11:33,320 --> 02:11:37,720
Speaker 4: oh my god, you are so like what's wrong with

2891
02:11:37,800 --> 02:11:40,200
Speaker 4: these people? Why they always complain about everything I DIDNET

2892
02:11:40,240 --> 02:11:42,160
Speaker 4: gave you what you wanted. Now you're mad because it

2893
02:11:42,520 --> 02:11:44,440
Speaker 4: didn't happen when you want it. You want to happen

2894
02:11:44,520 --> 02:11:46,960
Speaker 4: two years or three years later, five years later. You

2895
02:11:47,080 --> 02:11:50,400
Speaker 4: want to happen on your timing. When God knew that

2896
02:11:50,600 --> 02:11:53,000
Speaker 4: maybe five years later you may not be able to

2897
02:11:53,080 --> 02:11:56,400
Speaker 4: have a kid. So God says, in all my infinite wisdom,

2898
02:11:56,760 --> 02:11:58,280
Speaker 4: this is the time of the season for you to

2899
02:11:58,320 --> 02:12:00,920
Speaker 4: have it. It's not based on your convenience. It's based

2900
02:12:01,000 --> 02:12:03,720
Speaker 4: on my timing. And how long did it take you

2901
02:12:03,800 --> 02:12:05,920
Speaker 4: to reconcile to get to a place where you said, God,

2902
02:12:06,000 --> 02:12:07,240
Speaker 4: not my will, but that I will be.

2903
02:12:07,240 --> 02:12:09,920
Speaker 5: Done, Probably like a good three months. It took me

2904
02:12:10,000 --> 02:12:10,320
Speaker 5: a while.

2905
02:12:10,520 --> 02:12:14,000
Speaker 2: And then three months, what did you end up accepting?

2906
02:12:14,720 --> 02:12:19,080
Speaker 5: I accepted that I'm supposed to be pregnant. I may

2907
02:12:19,160 --> 02:12:21,200
Speaker 5: not think I'm supposed to be caring a baby. I

2908
02:12:21,280 --> 02:12:24,400
Speaker 5: may think this was an accident or a mistake, but

2909
02:12:24,560 --> 02:12:26,880
Speaker 5: this child was never a mistake. Just because I didn't

2910
02:12:26,920 --> 02:12:29,240
Speaker 5: plan for it doesn't mean it was a mistake. Because

2911
02:12:29,280 --> 02:12:31,520
Speaker 5: me and Tay are such like serial planners. We left

2912
02:12:31,520 --> 02:12:33,920
Speaker 5: planning out the next step for our life. We didn't

2913
02:12:34,160 --> 02:12:37,920
Speaker 5: get to plan this. So it felt like hope, sorry,

2914
02:12:38,320 --> 02:12:40,440
Speaker 5: figure that out, good luck with that. It felt like

2915
02:12:40,440 --> 02:12:45,440
Speaker 5: an obstacle. But then I realized, maybe God wants this

2916
02:12:45,560 --> 02:12:49,080
Speaker 5: baby here for a reason. Facts maybe maybe Claire is

2917
02:12:49,080 --> 02:12:51,080
Speaker 5: supposed to be a big sister or somebody really close

2918
02:12:51,120 --> 02:12:52,920
Speaker 5: in age it. Maybe it's even about you at all,

2919
02:12:53,400 --> 02:12:55,560
Speaker 5: Like stop thinking it's about you, and what was you

2920
02:12:56,040 --> 02:12:59,120
Speaker 5: like Claire gets to have a little sibling, Like how

2921
02:12:59,200 --> 02:13:03,440
Speaker 5: cool is that? Yeah? Yeah? And then I remember after

2922
02:13:03,600 --> 02:13:06,600
Speaker 5: finding out the gender and finding out it was a boy,

2923
02:13:07,360 --> 02:13:11,240
Speaker 5: it was confirmation of, oh, yeah, God wanted us to

2924
02:13:11,680 --> 02:13:16,440
Speaker 5: have this exact story. We didn't get pregnant in college,

2925
02:13:16,560 --> 02:13:19,000
Speaker 5: we didn't get pregnant when we were living together. We

2926
02:13:19,040 --> 02:13:22,080
Speaker 5: didn't get pregnant we were engaged. We got pregnant at

2927
02:13:22,120 --> 02:13:23,920
Speaker 5: twenty nine years old. That seems like a pretty good

2928
02:13:23,960 --> 02:13:25,520
Speaker 5: age to have a child, you know, in terms of

2929
02:13:25,680 --> 02:13:28,240
Speaker 5: like everything that we've been through together, Like it may

2930
02:13:28,320 --> 02:13:32,480
Speaker 5: feel like a team pregnancy, but it's not so. So Yeah,

2931
02:13:32,520 --> 02:13:34,960
Speaker 5: it took me three months to realize, like, this baby

2932
02:13:35,400 --> 02:13:37,560
Speaker 5: is a blessing. And that was also a struggle that

2933
02:13:37,640 --> 02:13:40,080
Speaker 5: I had because being a part of the trying to

2934
02:13:40,160 --> 02:13:45,200
Speaker 5: conceive community, I felt guilty for being frustrated that I

2935
02:13:45,320 --> 02:13:47,000
Speaker 5: was pregnant when I know that there are women who

2936
02:13:47,120 --> 02:13:49,280
Speaker 5: want to be pregnant right now. So that was definitely

2937
02:13:49,320 --> 02:13:52,240
Speaker 5: something that I struggled with and prayed about, and honestly

2938
02:13:52,440 --> 02:13:55,120
Speaker 5: forced me to get over my own self quicker because

2939
02:13:55,120 --> 02:13:58,120
Speaker 5: it was just like, girl, what are you crying about?

2940
02:13:58,360 --> 02:14:00,680
Speaker 5: Like two years ago you were crying to get pregnant,

2941
02:14:00,720 --> 02:14:02,960
Speaker 5: and now you're pregnant, So what are you crying about? No,

2942
02:14:03,120 --> 02:14:04,760
Speaker 5: you don't know how you how you know you're going

2943
02:14:04,840 --> 02:14:07,240
Speaker 5: to afford this or afford that or make these things work.

2944
02:14:07,680 --> 02:14:09,640
Speaker 5: But it's going to like it's going to work out.

2945
02:14:10,000 --> 02:14:11,400
Speaker 2: How do you feel to tell you? How long did

2946
02:14:11,400 --> 02:14:13,720
Speaker 2: it take you to come around and accept?

2947
02:14:14,360 --> 02:14:14,520
Speaker 8: You know?

2948
02:14:14,800 --> 02:14:17,240
Speaker 1: I think for me it was a lot quicker because

2949
02:14:17,320 --> 02:14:22,040
Speaker 1: my problems were not necessarily struggling with like the idea

2950
02:14:22,080 --> 02:14:24,040
Speaker 1: of being apparent to a second child so early.

2951
02:14:24,320 --> 02:14:25,960
Speaker 3: I think, again, I get to skip a lot of

2952
02:14:26,000 --> 02:14:26,320
Speaker 3: the stuff.

2953
02:14:26,360 --> 02:14:28,960
Speaker 1: I'm not growing a stomach, I'm not about to sit

2954
02:14:29,000 --> 02:14:32,160
Speaker 1: on the table and give birth, so I can quicker

2955
02:14:32,360 --> 02:14:34,520
Speaker 1: get to this child's a blessing, like I'm ready to

2956
02:14:34,560 --> 02:14:36,600
Speaker 1: receive them. I think for me, initially, the biggest things

2957
02:14:36,640 --> 02:14:40,680
Speaker 1: are just like I just like, I mean, just sorted

2958
02:14:40,720 --> 02:14:42,280
Speaker 1: out her daycare situation.

2959
02:14:42,880 --> 02:14:45,160
Speaker 3: She was so expensive, is it?

2960
02:14:45,920 --> 02:14:46,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

2961
02:14:46,200 --> 02:14:49,280
Speaker 1: I mean again standard raids where we're around fifteen hundred

2962
02:14:49,280 --> 02:14:51,520
Speaker 1: dollars a month and they'll give you a nice little

2963
02:14:51,520 --> 02:14:52,880
Speaker 1: tempercent discount for the second one.

2964
02:14:53,120 --> 02:14:57,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank Yeah, So I'm yeah, we'll be paying somebody

2965
02:14:57,200 --> 02:14:57,720
Speaker 3: mortgage soon.

2966
02:14:57,800 --> 02:14:59,840
Speaker 2: But yeah, god, that's crazy.

2967
02:15:00,040 --> 02:15:00,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

2968
02:15:00,240 --> 02:15:01,600
Speaker 1: I think that's where I was focused on because I

2969
02:15:01,600 --> 02:15:03,880
Speaker 1: think I came out of a season of again not

2970
02:15:04,040 --> 02:15:05,880
Speaker 1: working for like a year, and again I wasn't just

2971
02:15:05,920 --> 02:15:08,480
Speaker 1: not doing anything for anybody who wants to know, but

2972
02:15:08,720 --> 02:15:10,920
Speaker 1: just kind of going through a season of training and

2973
02:15:10,960 --> 02:15:14,040
Speaker 1: building myself up to be able to reach this point

2974
02:15:14,160 --> 02:15:15,680
Speaker 1: of like providing in the way that I can.

2975
02:15:15,840 --> 02:15:15,960
Speaker 7: Now.

2976
02:15:18,200 --> 02:15:20,960
Speaker 1: Everything was intentional, Like I made so many intentional like

2977
02:15:21,280 --> 02:15:24,280
Speaker 1: calculated risk and steps to like build myself up to

2978
02:15:24,920 --> 02:15:27,320
Speaker 1: double my income, a little more than double my income.

2979
02:15:27,360 --> 02:15:28,880
Speaker 1: It's like, Okay, this is where we have to be

2980
02:15:29,400 --> 02:15:32,120
Speaker 1: to afford everything that this little girl will want, like

2981
02:15:32,720 --> 02:15:34,280
Speaker 1: have her a home that she can come back to

2982
02:15:34,440 --> 02:15:37,080
Speaker 1: that she'll be raised in, Like I just I envisioned that,

2983
02:15:37,280 --> 02:15:40,000
Speaker 1: so I think another kid coming early.

2984
02:15:40,080 --> 02:15:41,280
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, this is overlapping.

2985
02:15:41,440 --> 02:15:43,120
Speaker 1: Like I was hoping you will be in school or

2986
02:15:43,160 --> 02:15:44,880
Speaker 1: going to school soon, and I only got to juggling

2987
02:15:44,960 --> 02:15:46,200
Speaker 1: for a little bit. It's like it's gonna be at

2988
02:15:46,240 --> 02:15:48,800
Speaker 1: the same time almost, like y'all are I hate to

2989
02:15:48,840 --> 02:15:51,640
Speaker 1: say it, but there's only a couple months separating them

2990
02:15:51,680 --> 02:15:53,120
Speaker 1: being in the same grade. But we're like we want

2991
02:15:53,120 --> 02:15:55,480
Speaker 1: to talk too much about that. Yeah, for real, but

2992
02:15:55,560 --> 02:15:57,080
Speaker 1: it's only a couple months separating that.

2993
02:15:58,600 --> 02:16:01,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, well we definitely want to say, y'all doing an

2994
02:16:01,320 --> 02:16:04,840
Speaker 4: amazing job. There's no textbook to show you how to

2995
02:16:04,960 --> 02:16:07,480
Speaker 4: do this thing. You just experienced it through the grace

2996
02:16:07,560 --> 02:16:11,560
Speaker 4: of God. And I know y'all read and chat GPT

2997
02:16:12,040 --> 02:16:15,960
Speaker 4: questions and answers to all life situations of parenting.

2998
02:16:16,720 --> 02:16:18,800
Speaker 2: But just know, y'all doing an amazing job.

2999
02:16:19,200 --> 02:16:21,240
Speaker 4: I want to salute you as a man for covering

3000
02:16:21,320 --> 02:16:23,840
Speaker 4: my daughter properly, for being a mighty man of valor

3001
02:16:23,960 --> 02:16:29,160
Speaker 4: that has like you know as a father. We wonder

3002
02:16:29,320 --> 02:16:33,720
Speaker 4: what type of man will our daughter Mary. We may

3003
02:16:33,800 --> 02:16:35,560
Speaker 4: have a new question whether or not our daughter will

3004
02:16:35,600 --> 02:16:38,000
Speaker 4: get married. I never had a question whether or not

3005
02:16:38,160 --> 02:16:40,600
Speaker 4: she would get married. I just wanted to know who

3006
02:16:40,760 --> 02:16:44,640
Speaker 4: this man was. And you've exceeded my expectations. And I

3007
02:16:44,760 --> 02:16:48,760
Speaker 4: have extremely high expectations. You've exceeded it. You've covered her

3008
02:16:48,959 --> 02:16:52,040
Speaker 4: in ways that and you said this earlier about the

3009
02:16:52,120 --> 02:16:56,120
Speaker 4: way that I covered her. You came in and just

3010
02:16:56,280 --> 02:16:58,880
Speaker 4: did that. And what was so great about it is

3011
02:16:58,959 --> 02:17:01,400
Speaker 4: that I could see back in the rest, even when

3012
02:17:01,440 --> 02:17:04,720
Speaker 4: you weren't employed during that season or whatever. I never

3013
02:17:04,800 --> 02:17:06,840
Speaker 4: sat there and made you feel less than I was, Like,

3014
02:17:06,920 --> 02:17:08,920
Speaker 4: you got it. This is what the season, y'all in

3015
02:17:09,120 --> 02:17:12,040
Speaker 4: right now. This is fine, no big deal. You always

3016
02:17:12,440 --> 02:17:15,640
Speaker 4: in that season you studied so you can level up

3017
02:17:15,720 --> 02:17:17,960
Speaker 4: in your next position. You went and got a different

3018
02:17:18,000 --> 02:17:22,080
Speaker 4: certification so that you could level up in your next employment.

3019
02:17:22,120 --> 02:17:24,520
Speaker 4: I remember y'all called about whether or not y'all gonna

3020
02:17:24,520 --> 02:17:26,680
Speaker 4: go forward with this house that y'all y'all live in now.

3021
02:17:27,040 --> 02:17:28,720
Speaker 4: He was like, well, how we gonna do this? I

3022
02:17:28,840 --> 02:17:31,080
Speaker 4: was like, if you wait, it's going to be longer

3023
02:17:31,160 --> 02:17:33,320
Speaker 4: to qualify for it. Get it right now so you

3024
02:17:33,360 --> 02:17:36,080
Speaker 4: can get out of paying rent. And y'all can shoot

3025
02:17:36,120 --> 02:17:38,400
Speaker 4: if y'all gonna struggle paying for it, y'all struggle paying

3026
02:17:38,480 --> 02:17:40,920
Speaker 4: for a house instead of struggling paying for an apartment.

3027
02:17:41,320 --> 02:17:44,680
Speaker 4: And y'all did that, and look y'all doing great, have

3028
02:17:44,840 --> 02:17:49,200
Speaker 4: y'all first home. So again, I salute you. Oftentimes. I

3029
02:17:49,280 --> 02:17:51,760
Speaker 4: had my buddy David Burrows on the podcast a few

3030
02:17:51,879 --> 02:17:54,920
Speaker 4: years ago, and that's one of Ashley's favorite episodes, and

3031
02:17:55,000 --> 02:17:58,640
Speaker 4: they talk about how being a man, talked about how

3032
02:17:59,080 --> 02:18:03,000
Speaker 4: being a man is in hair that oftentimes we're not celebrated,

3033
02:18:04,160 --> 02:18:08,480
Speaker 4: and I would be remiss if I didn't celebrate you

3034
02:18:08,680 --> 02:18:11,520
Speaker 4: this Father's Day, Ladarian.

3035
02:18:12,400 --> 02:18:16,120
Speaker 3: Oh lord, I see a logo in this bag. Hold on,

3036
02:18:18,440 --> 02:18:20,640
Speaker 3: what logo do you see? Because you know I am.

3037
02:18:22,080 --> 02:18:31,000
Speaker 1: Not a materialistic person at all, but if somebody makes me, oh,

3038
02:18:31,080 --> 02:18:32,000
Speaker 1: if somebody makes me.

3039
02:18:37,240 --> 02:18:39,480
Speaker 3: Look at that a nice Gucci box.

3040
02:18:39,640 --> 02:18:43,840
Speaker 1: Oh mind, Claire said, let me get in yeah, come on,

3041
02:18:44,920 --> 02:18:46,080
Speaker 1: Oh they're playing no games.

3042
02:18:46,640 --> 02:18:48,000
Speaker 3: They playing no games.

3043
02:18:48,280 --> 02:18:49,039
Speaker 2: Throw the box down.

3044
02:18:55,720 --> 02:18:59,080
Speaker 3: All right, let's go ahead and unveil this again. Packaging

3045
02:18:59,240 --> 02:18:59,680
Speaker 3: is crazy.

3046
02:19:00,520 --> 02:19:02,600
Speaker 2: All right, I got the wrong one. But Darren, you

3047
02:19:02,680 --> 02:19:04,960
Speaker 2: got a wrong box. Nope, too late.

3048
02:19:06,760 --> 02:19:09,000
Speaker 6: So let me just jump in here and say that

3049
02:19:09,720 --> 02:19:12,840
Speaker 6: he was gonna surprise you, but then I wasn't gonna

3050
02:19:12,920 --> 02:19:15,080
Speaker 6: let him not get his surprise today too.

3051
02:19:17,440 --> 02:19:19,840
Speaker 5: Wow, I also went shopping.

3052
02:19:20,560 --> 02:19:23,160
Speaker 2: Wow, And thank you for.

3053
02:19:24,760 --> 02:19:25,720
Speaker 8: You know what? You know what?

3054
02:19:26,480 --> 02:19:30,600
Speaker 1: I think you are an awesome father. I really want

3055
02:19:30,680 --> 02:19:34,200
Speaker 1: to take the time to celebrate you. I really want

3056
02:19:34,240 --> 02:19:36,480
Speaker 1: to make sure that you feel appreciated this Father's Day.

3057
02:19:37,120 --> 02:19:38,200
Speaker 3: So this is my gift to you.

3058
02:19:40,360 --> 02:19:40,960
Speaker 4: Is that? Is that?

3059
02:19:41,120 --> 02:19:44,160
Speaker 3: The that was that the one under the All right,

3060
02:19:44,320 --> 02:19:45,880
Speaker 3: I let you help out last time. You know what,

3061
02:19:46,040 --> 02:19:48,440
Speaker 3: this ain't that bad. This ain't that bad. It's really

3062
02:19:48,480 --> 02:19:50,240
Speaker 3: going all out. Not a spect of dust can get

3063
02:19:50,280 --> 02:19:52,640
Speaker 3: on this Okay, I feel some tread on there.

3064
02:19:52,879 --> 02:19:53,320
Speaker 2: You look at that?

3065
02:19:54,280 --> 02:19:56,720
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, yeah, no, for sure, for sure, I got

3066
02:19:56,840 --> 02:20:00,000
Speaker 1: a I got plenty of fits with all of these colors,

3067
02:20:00,120 --> 02:20:02,600
Speaker 1: so I can mix a match and be the flies

3068
02:20:02,640 --> 02:20:07,040
Speaker 1: person in my office. Y'all can wear like ten shoes

3069
02:20:07,160 --> 02:20:11,400
Speaker 1: or anything. These centers are like super casual. You know,

3070
02:20:11,520 --> 02:20:12,040
Speaker 1: it's awesome.

3071
02:20:12,560 --> 02:20:13,400
Speaker 5: Happy Fathers.

3072
02:20:16,920 --> 02:20:18,080
Speaker 3: Then got some new shoes.

3073
02:20:18,840 --> 02:20:19,560
Speaker 2: We pay you too much?

3074
02:20:21,120 --> 02:20:26,320
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I don't know that

3075
02:20:26,440 --> 02:20:27,520
Speaker 3: is so funny, but thank you.

3076
02:20:27,640 --> 02:20:28,920
Speaker 5: I really appreciate fathers.

3077
02:20:29,160 --> 02:20:31,959
Speaker 2: Happy father Day so much. Happy Father's Day.

3078
02:20:31,959 --> 02:20:38,200
Speaker 5: Times too well and uh times too times too and

3079
02:20:38,320 --> 02:20:41,080
Speaker 5: the Darren, can you grab the other bag in there

3080
02:20:41,160 --> 02:20:41,600
Speaker 5: as well?

3081
02:20:43,800 --> 02:20:48,160
Speaker 6: Because like I said, we got to celebrate mister dear

3082
02:20:48,280 --> 02:20:50,600
Speaker 6: future wifey my husband, so I had to just buy

3083
02:20:50,720 --> 02:20:55,199
Speaker 6: him a few gifts as well, and we got started already.

3084
02:20:55,520 --> 02:20:57,480
Speaker 6: So we went to Burke Williams at the top of

3085
02:20:57,520 --> 02:20:59,840
Speaker 6: the month, just you know, so he could have a

3086
02:21:00,720 --> 02:21:04,440
Speaker 6: special facial because your dad, do you know that about

3087
02:21:04,520 --> 02:21:09,160
Speaker 6: him facial? But I also went shopping because I know

3088
02:21:09,280 --> 02:21:11,840
Speaker 6: how much he loves Gucci, so I just wanted to

3089
02:21:11,879 --> 02:21:13,039
Speaker 6: spoil him a little bit.

3090
02:21:14,000 --> 02:21:18,640
Speaker 2: Furnesday on Wednesday. I was that nice.

3091
02:21:20,440 --> 02:21:20,760
Speaker 4: This is.

3092
02:21:23,000 --> 02:21:26,680
Speaker 5: Would not open the other ones first, I wanted you

3093
02:21:26,879 --> 02:21:27,560
Speaker 5: to hold.

3094
02:21:27,520 --> 02:21:28,440
Speaker 2: Already looked at him.

3095
02:21:29,959 --> 02:21:30,320
Speaker 4: Look at this.

3096
02:21:32,560 --> 02:21:36,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, there you go today.

3097
02:21:39,080 --> 02:21:40,360
Speaker 3: That's right clean.

3098
02:21:40,400 --> 02:21:43,199
Speaker 4: Look look at the bottom of on the bottom Gucci

3099
02:21:43,240 --> 02:21:45,320
Speaker 4: while I walk put in the sand and Gucci.

3100
02:21:45,360 --> 02:21:48,240
Speaker 5: You should be sponsoring the amen.

3101
02:21:48,640 --> 02:21:52,720
Speaker 2: Amen. Yeah, this is a nice Yeah, I like these.

3102
02:21:53,080 --> 02:21:55,920
Speaker 2: These are dope. These are look great with jeans, they

3103
02:21:55,959 --> 02:21:58,280
Speaker 2: look great with a suit, they look great with shorts.

3104
02:21:58,920 --> 02:22:03,160
Speaker 2: You can wear it with everything. This is nice, Thank you,

3105
02:22:03,320 --> 02:22:03,960
Speaker 2: thank you, thank you.

3106
02:22:04,760 --> 02:22:07,280
Speaker 4: And then she just she want me to pull out

3107
02:22:07,320 --> 02:22:09,800
Speaker 4: the other shoes and act surprised like I just didn't

3108
02:22:09,800 --> 02:22:10,040
Speaker 4: see it.

3109
02:22:10,240 --> 02:22:12,080
Speaker 5: Yes, and what else is in there?

3110
02:22:12,600 --> 02:22:12,640
Speaker 2: What?

3111
02:22:13,680 --> 02:22:13,880
Speaker 4: Yeah?

3112
02:22:13,959 --> 02:22:15,360
Speaker 5: No, no, keep going in the other bed.

3113
02:22:15,840 --> 02:22:21,920
Speaker 2: That's all doing. My mom would pass out or she

3114
02:22:22,000 --> 02:22:36,040
Speaker 2: knew how much the shoes are excitement. Yeah, I was like,

3115
02:22:36,120 --> 02:22:36,440
Speaker 2: what is it?

3116
02:22:37,720 --> 02:22:40,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a different kind of box, pretty girl, I

3117
02:22:40,959 --> 02:22:42,560
Speaker 4: want to take it real nice and.

3118
02:22:44,280 --> 02:22:49,320
Speaker 2: Well I can't see this in here.

3119
02:22:51,760 --> 02:22:56,880
Speaker 4: This is a belt be the shoes. Yeah, you know,

3120
02:22:57,160 --> 02:23:03,360
Speaker 4: a little little Gucci belt, say Guky. She got the

3121
02:23:03,440 --> 02:23:04,600
Speaker 4: knockoff verse called Kuky.

3122
02:23:08,320 --> 02:23:09,720
Speaker 1: You know they put a lot of effort into that

3123
02:23:09,800 --> 02:23:12,600
Speaker 1: packaging with that knockoff package.

3124
02:23:13,200 --> 02:23:13,520
Speaker 2: You're young.

3125
02:23:13,640 --> 02:23:16,200
Speaker 4: Got somebody real good if they can packaging with the

3126
02:23:16,280 --> 02:23:17,240
Speaker 4: sticker and everything.

3127
02:23:17,400 --> 02:23:19,680
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, they they fooled me.

3128
02:23:20,080 --> 02:23:23,320
Speaker 4: Yeah for real, the whole bag and everything. This is beautiful.

3129
02:23:23,760 --> 02:23:27,560
Speaker 4: Look at this, got the belt and the shoes.

3130
02:23:27,720 --> 02:23:30,600
Speaker 2: What is it? How do you do this well?

3131
02:23:31,080 --> 02:23:31,280
Speaker 4: Like that?

3132
02:23:32,600 --> 02:23:33,000
Speaker 2: You see this?

3133
02:23:33,120 --> 02:23:33,280
Speaker 6: Mom?

3134
02:23:33,360 --> 02:23:34,400
Speaker 2: You see my Father's Day.

3135
02:23:34,320 --> 02:23:39,360
Speaker 5: Gift all before father. It's not even Father's Day.

3136
02:23:39,320 --> 02:23:40,760
Speaker 2: Yet, in Father's Day.

3137
02:23:44,959 --> 02:23:45,920
Speaker 3: I wonder what's her name?

3138
02:23:46,480 --> 02:23:47,960
Speaker 5: I wonder what is he?

3139
02:23:48,280 --> 02:23:55,280
Speaker 3: Oh, you're gonna be stepping clean.

3140
02:23:55,480 --> 02:23:59,880
Speaker 4: Wow, these are nice. Look at the bottom. It's a

3141
02:24:00,040 --> 02:24:01,240
Speaker 4: rubber bottom, which is great.

3142
02:24:01,360 --> 02:24:04,360
Speaker 5: Those are very you. Yeah, you were a shoe like

3143
02:24:04,440 --> 02:24:05,120
Speaker 5: a dress shoe.

3144
02:24:05,480 --> 02:24:07,280
Speaker 2: It's nice. Yep, this is nice.

3145
02:24:07,320 --> 02:24:10,600
Speaker 3: Yeah that's top tier right there, he says, top tier.

3146
02:24:10,920 --> 02:24:13,400
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, absolutely. The ground will thank you for walking

3147
02:24:13,440 --> 02:24:13,600
Speaker 3: on it.

3148
02:24:16,200 --> 02:24:18,920
Speaker 4: Got my dress shoes. See what happened was I misplaced

3149
02:24:19,000 --> 02:24:21,560
Speaker 4: my brown shoes. So she's been hearing me talk about

3150
02:24:22,200 --> 02:24:23,240
Speaker 4: my brown shoes.

3151
02:24:23,320 --> 02:24:24,200
Speaker 7: I don't know what it was.

3152
02:24:24,440 --> 02:24:26,560
Speaker 5: I lost a whole pair of Gucci shoes.

3153
02:24:26,600 --> 02:24:29,400
Speaker 4: I had some Gucci dress shoes and I wore when

3154
02:24:29,400 --> 02:24:31,680
Speaker 4: I did an interview in January, and I ain't seen

3155
02:24:31,760 --> 02:24:32,560
Speaker 4: them since she's been.

3156
02:24:32,480 --> 02:24:34,199
Speaker 5: Looking for the shoe hotel or something.

3157
02:24:34,560 --> 02:24:37,320
Speaker 2: Well, the we're here in Dallas and I don't know word.

3158
02:24:37,760 --> 02:24:41,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so I appreciate you for even getting me

3159
02:24:41,040 --> 02:24:43,360
Speaker 4: a gift because it is what what I've always told

3160
02:24:43,400 --> 02:24:44,000
Speaker 4: you to get me for.

3161
02:24:44,280 --> 02:24:47,400
Speaker 5: Uh, word to write me a letter. That's what he

3162
02:24:47,560 --> 02:24:49,640
Speaker 5: was saying, write me a letter something like kind and

3163
02:24:50,800 --> 02:24:51,560
Speaker 5: words affirmation.

3164
02:24:51,800 --> 02:24:54,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, words of affirmation, and so, uh, that's right. Here

3165
02:24:54,959 --> 02:24:57,640
Speaker 4: means a lot because I also like the dressing. I

3166
02:24:57,760 --> 02:25:00,600
Speaker 4: love I love this, but it's it's hard for me

3167
02:25:00,760 --> 02:25:02,520
Speaker 4: to receive gifts.

3168
02:25:02,640 --> 02:25:05,000
Speaker 2: Are you like that? Are you real funny about getting gifts?

3169
02:25:06,080 --> 02:25:06,440
Speaker 3: Gifts?

3170
02:25:06,520 --> 02:25:09,080
Speaker 1: But I'm also funny with praise At times it just depends,

3171
02:25:09,160 --> 02:25:12,400
Speaker 1: like I feel like it's not just that things are

3172
02:25:12,400 --> 02:25:14,560
Speaker 1: an expectation. I think I just kind of operate in

3173
02:25:14,640 --> 02:25:16,680
Speaker 1: the space of like I do it because you know

3174
02:25:16,720 --> 02:25:18,280
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, I don't do it looking for

3175
02:25:18,520 --> 02:25:21,280
Speaker 1: so sometimes when it comes, it feels like, all right, now,

3176
02:25:21,280 --> 02:25:23,120
Speaker 1: you're embarrassed me doing a little extra, Like you a

3177
02:25:23,520 --> 02:25:25,240
Speaker 1: little extra spotlight than I was expecting.

3178
02:25:25,360 --> 02:25:27,240
Speaker 5: We couldn't seen a happy birthday for his birthday at the.

3179
02:25:27,240 --> 02:25:30,920
Speaker 1: Restaurant, it's weird for me because I think like a

3180
02:25:31,000 --> 02:25:33,440
Speaker 1: lot of times, like what you're being thanked for is

3181
02:25:33,560 --> 02:25:36,000
Speaker 1: sometimes like the impact that you have in other people's lives,

3182
02:25:36,000 --> 02:25:38,000
Speaker 1: And I think for me it's.

3183
02:25:37,920 --> 02:25:41,560
Speaker 3: Weird, but like I more so appreciate just seeing that

3184
02:25:41,640 --> 02:25:45,680
Speaker 3: you enjoyed it. So I think again the same.

3185
02:25:45,560 --> 02:25:48,120
Speaker 1: Is for you because words of affirmation, they're affirming you

3186
02:25:48,320 --> 02:25:51,680
Speaker 1: the things that you do. They appreciate those actions. I

3187
02:25:51,760 --> 02:25:53,360
Speaker 1: really just want to see it, like if you're happy

3188
02:25:53,480 --> 02:25:55,880
Speaker 1: and you seem like you enjoy life and like you're

3189
02:25:56,240 --> 02:25:58,320
Speaker 1: she just mentioned like she feels fulfilled in being like

3190
02:25:58,360 --> 02:26:00,400
Speaker 1: a wife and a mom. If I'm contributing to that that,

3191
02:26:00,480 --> 02:26:03,120
Speaker 1: I'm happy with it regardless, and like I just don't

3192
02:26:03,160 --> 02:26:06,640
Speaker 1: really look to receive like a lot of validation for it.

3193
02:26:06,800 --> 02:26:09,440
Speaker 1: I guess like I appreciate it. I definitely appreciate it,

3194
02:26:10,200 --> 02:26:12,720
Speaker 1: but I think like it can be a little weird

3195
02:26:12,920 --> 02:26:15,600
Speaker 1: to receive at times, like two big of gestures for

3196
02:26:15,720 --> 02:26:19,680
Speaker 1: me to give you those, Oh, I appreciate it.

3197
02:26:19,760 --> 02:26:22,400
Speaker 3: Don't get me right, because it's something I wouldn't do

3198
02:26:22,480 --> 02:26:22,920
Speaker 3: for myself.

3199
02:26:23,040 --> 02:26:28,080
Speaker 1: But I think it's still a little weird at times,

3200
02:26:28,160 --> 02:26:30,120
Speaker 1: like receiving things for stuff that you do just because

3201
02:26:30,680 --> 02:26:32,280
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna stop doing it whether you did or

3202
02:26:32,280 --> 02:26:34,440
Speaker 1: didn't do it. So I appreciate the thought, and I

3203
02:26:34,480 --> 02:26:37,840
Speaker 1: appreciate the sentiment, and I'm definitely gonna wear them.

3204
02:26:38,040 --> 02:26:39,600
Speaker 4: Well, let me tell you that's the reason why I

3205
02:26:39,760 --> 02:26:43,440
Speaker 4: did go above and get you some really, really nice

3206
02:26:43,480 --> 02:26:46,400
Speaker 4: shoes is because I got a call from you a

3207
02:26:46,480 --> 02:26:48,200
Speaker 4: few months ago where you were like, you know what

3208
02:26:48,600 --> 02:26:51,560
Speaker 4: I've been thinking. You've been talking about wanting to build legacy,

3209
02:26:52,120 --> 02:26:54,400
Speaker 4: and this is a conversation you had with me, and

3210
02:26:54,480 --> 02:26:58,400
Speaker 4: you said, I found a way through a platform to

3211
02:26:58,560 --> 02:27:01,720
Speaker 4: create you are a whole infrastructure for dear future wifey

3212
02:27:01,840 --> 02:27:04,840
Speaker 4: that can create more engagement with your audience, that can

3213
02:27:04,879 --> 02:27:07,640
Speaker 4: build an ecosystem for them to get more.

3214
02:27:07,680 --> 02:27:09,160
Speaker 2: Value out of dear future Wifey.

3215
02:27:09,520 --> 02:27:14,200
Speaker 4: The fact that you thought like that is everything that

3216
02:27:14,480 --> 02:27:18,520
Speaker 4: I wanted as I build legacy with family. And so

3217
02:27:18,640 --> 02:27:20,160
Speaker 4: when you said that, and I was like, and then

3218
02:27:20,400 --> 02:27:22,920
Speaker 4: a lot of times I'm not as responsive because you're like, well, dang,

3219
02:27:23,160 --> 02:27:25,640
Speaker 4: I'm creating all this and you still ain't told me whatever.

3220
02:27:25,800 --> 02:27:28,320
Speaker 4: And I'm juggling, I'm traveling, I'm doing all this, Claire,

3221
02:27:28,320 --> 02:27:33,480
Speaker 4: I'm talking Claire, I'm talking and so, so what happened

3222
02:27:33,680 --> 02:27:36,560
Speaker 4: was when you started operating like that, I was like, man,

3223
02:27:36,680 --> 02:27:40,080
Speaker 4: that's that's that's that's extremely great that you have the

3224
02:27:40,240 --> 02:27:42,760
Speaker 4: forethought to do that and the type of work.

3225
02:27:42,840 --> 02:27:44,760
Speaker 2: And Lateria called me up one.

3226
02:27:44,760 --> 02:27:49,760
Speaker 4: Day she said that, uh, Tay hasn't heard from you,

3227
02:27:49,879 --> 02:27:52,080
Speaker 4: and he's been sitting that he sent you some stuff

3228
02:27:52,480 --> 02:27:55,080
Speaker 4: and you don't know how you feel or did you

3229
02:27:55,160 --> 02:27:57,120
Speaker 4: see it or do you like it or what or whatever,

3230
02:27:57,160 --> 02:27:58,560
Speaker 4: because she's finna go to bat for you.

3231
02:27:58,959 --> 02:28:00,840
Speaker 2: And I was like, no, no, it's not that.

3232
02:28:01,000 --> 02:28:03,160
Speaker 4: It's just that when I get on the phone with him,

3233
02:28:03,400 --> 02:28:05,000
Speaker 4: I want to make sure I have my ducks in

3234
02:28:05,040 --> 02:28:07,520
Speaker 4: a row that I can spend ample time. As you

3235
02:28:07,640 --> 02:28:10,320
Speaker 4: hear Ashley throwing shade that it may take three, four

3236
02:28:10,440 --> 02:28:13,480
Speaker 4: hours or five hours. So I know that if I'm

3237
02:28:13,520 --> 02:28:15,360
Speaker 4: just gonna be really quick with you, then I'm not

3238
02:28:15,520 --> 02:28:19,560
Speaker 4: giving you the attention that is necessary. So but what

3239
02:28:19,720 --> 02:28:22,720
Speaker 4: I could have done was like, hey, let's schedule time

3240
02:28:23,040 --> 02:28:24,760
Speaker 4: so we can actually have time only hear you.

3241
02:28:24,760 --> 02:28:27,400
Speaker 2: My undivided attention and not something real short. And so.

3242
02:28:28,959 --> 02:28:31,560
Speaker 4: Again I already apologized to you for that. But what

3243
02:28:31,800 --> 02:28:35,320
Speaker 4: you did was greatly appreciated. And the other stuff that

3244
02:28:35,400 --> 02:28:38,160
Speaker 4: you started working on, you haven't even showed me yet.

3245
02:28:38,240 --> 02:28:39,720
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, You like I done worked

3246
02:28:39,760 --> 02:28:41,920
Speaker 4: on this or whatever, I'd be like, God, this dude,

3247
02:28:42,040 --> 02:28:45,640
Speaker 4: is just because again here's another one of my flaws.

3248
02:28:45,879 --> 02:28:48,160
Speaker 4: It's hard for me to receive that. It's hard for

3249
02:28:48,280 --> 02:28:51,080
Speaker 4: me to receive that somebody that I didn't give money to,

3250
02:28:51,720 --> 02:28:53,840
Speaker 4: I didn't pay to do this. They took it upon

3251
02:28:53,920 --> 02:28:57,039
Speaker 4: themselves to say, let me create this for a vision

3252
02:28:57,080 --> 02:28:59,920
Speaker 4: that you have. So in all honesty, it made me

3253
02:29:00,120 --> 02:29:02,040
Speaker 4: uncomfortable because the first thing I started doing was like,

3254
02:29:02,320 --> 02:29:03,400
Speaker 4: how much I need to pay them for this? I

3255
02:29:03,400 --> 02:29:04,920
Speaker 4: don't know how much time he did whatever, and you

3256
02:29:04,959 --> 02:29:06,400
Speaker 4: ain't came to me and said you owe me.

3257
02:29:06,520 --> 02:29:07,080
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

3258
02:29:07,120 --> 02:29:09,040
Speaker 4: You're like, no, this is what I'm doing to build

3259
02:29:09,600 --> 02:29:14,280
Speaker 4: our family. And so I celebrate you. I thank you

3260
02:29:14,440 --> 02:29:17,240
Speaker 4: so much for having the vision, the insight, and the

3261
02:29:17,320 --> 02:29:20,440
Speaker 4: forethought to create what you created that I can't wait

3262
02:29:20,520 --> 02:29:24,039
Speaker 4: to introduce to this audience. So I salute you, king,

3263
02:29:24,160 --> 02:29:26,120
Speaker 4: I appreciate you, I love you, and I thank you

3264
02:29:26,240 --> 02:29:27,840
Speaker 4: so much. I thank you so much.

3265
02:29:27,959 --> 02:29:30,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I appreciate that I appreciate. That's super sweet to say.

3266
02:29:30,360 --> 02:29:30,800
Speaker 2: I think.

3267
02:29:32,160 --> 02:29:35,320
Speaker 1: Finding ways to use what I'm passionate about to impact

3268
02:29:35,440 --> 02:29:39,240
Speaker 1: like family and legacy, and just like I think everybody

3269
02:29:39,280 --> 02:29:41,160
Speaker 1: searches for like what those skills are and what they're

3270
02:29:41,200 --> 02:29:43,320
Speaker 1: good at. And it took me a lot of ups

3271
02:29:43,360 --> 02:29:45,440
Speaker 1: and downs, lefts and rights and circles in life to

3272
02:29:46,280 --> 02:29:48,880
Speaker 1: end up in my trade of software engineering. And I

3273
02:29:48,959 --> 02:29:52,800
Speaker 1: think from building things all the time, I'm like, what

3274
02:29:52,920 --> 02:29:54,199
Speaker 1: can I do that I'm passionate about.

3275
02:29:54,240 --> 02:29:57,000
Speaker 3: What can I do that can impact somebody? Impact like

3276
02:29:57,120 --> 02:29:58,360
Speaker 3: my family, our family?

3277
02:29:58,920 --> 02:30:01,320
Speaker 2: All right, grab that box there, I want you to

3278
02:30:01,360 --> 02:30:02,280
Speaker 2: write a key to love.

3279
02:30:02,760 --> 02:30:05,560
Speaker 5: Can I say something Father's Day?

3280
02:30:05,720 --> 02:30:06,080
Speaker 2: Go ahead?

3281
02:30:06,320 --> 02:30:08,720
Speaker 5: I just wanted to point. I just wanted to say

3282
02:30:08,800 --> 02:30:10,760
Speaker 5: something because I feel like Father's Day is one of

3283
02:30:10,840 --> 02:30:14,560
Speaker 5: those like underwhelming holidays people don't necessarily like you get

3284
02:30:14,600 --> 02:30:17,480
Speaker 5: on Father's Day on Facebook on Father's dancy Mother's Day

3285
02:30:17,520 --> 02:30:23,080
Speaker 5: post like y'all yeah, you know that, sty doing that,

3286
02:30:23,240 --> 02:30:24,840
Speaker 5: And I just feel like, can we not do that?

3287
02:30:25,000 --> 02:30:27,840
Speaker 5: Be don't we do that? There also are fathers who

3288
02:30:27,879 --> 02:30:29,080
Speaker 5: deserve to be celebrated and.

3289
02:30:29,160 --> 02:30:31,960
Speaker 6: Highlighted, or if you don't have a father that you

3290
02:30:32,080 --> 02:30:35,760
Speaker 6: want to celebrate celebrate any man who's had an impact

3291
02:30:36,640 --> 02:30:41,800
Speaker 6: exactly anybody. But let's stop posting mothers on Father's Day.

3292
02:30:43,600 --> 02:30:46,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, I can do it. I'm like, I get your point,

3293
02:30:46,560 --> 02:30:48,880
Speaker 5: but it seems like hate field and I feel like

3294
02:30:49,080 --> 02:30:52,040
Speaker 5: me and fathers deserve to have a love. Yes, you know,

3295
02:30:52,080 --> 02:30:54,200
Speaker 5: because you go out on Mother's Day, because my first

3296
02:30:54,240 --> 02:30:56,280
Speaker 5: Mother's Day this past Mother's Day, and you see like

3297
02:30:56,600 --> 02:30:59,039
Speaker 5: everyone with their families and the mothers are getting doted

3298
02:30:59,080 --> 02:31:01,520
Speaker 5: on and love you it on Facebook, the Facebook post.

3299
02:31:01,920 --> 02:31:05,160
Speaker 5: So I just feel like fathers deserve to have that too. Yes,

3300
02:31:05,480 --> 02:31:11,360
Speaker 5: So I wanted to just say that I agree. Oh like,

3301
02:31:11,680 --> 02:31:16,000
Speaker 5: oh sorry, well, I wanted to tell you Happy Father's Day,

3302
02:31:17,080 --> 02:31:20,400
Speaker 5: Happy Father's Day. I would not be the woman that

3303
02:31:20,480 --> 02:31:25,440
Speaker 5: I am right now without you. And it took me, like,

3304
02:31:25,720 --> 02:31:28,600
Speaker 5: not really far into my adulthood to realize the impact

3305
02:31:28,640 --> 02:31:31,040
Speaker 5: of having a good father on a daughter, especially. I

3306
02:31:31,160 --> 02:31:35,039
Speaker 5: know men need fathers too, but I think daughters also

3307
02:31:35,240 --> 02:31:37,520
Speaker 5: need fathers. It's just shaped the kind of woman that

3308
02:31:37,600 --> 02:31:40,360
Speaker 5: I am. I wanted to say, I know, take pretty

3309
02:31:40,400 --> 02:31:43,640
Speaker 5: much said that a lot of the things that he has,

3310
02:31:44,120 --> 02:31:46,000
Speaker 5: like you have, like the simate, like I guess the

3311
02:31:46,040 --> 02:31:49,360
Speaker 5: big one is like work at work ethic. I've seen

3312
02:31:49,480 --> 02:31:51,360
Speaker 5: him stay up to like two or three in the

3313
02:31:51,440 --> 02:31:53,360
Speaker 5: morning working all the things that he's worked on that

3314
02:31:53,440 --> 02:31:55,080
Speaker 5: you didn't ask him for, but just at a just

3315
02:31:55,200 --> 02:31:57,640
Speaker 5: true passion. And that reminds me so much of you,

3316
02:31:57,959 --> 02:32:00,720
Speaker 5: because growing up I just saw you working, working, working.

3317
02:32:00,800 --> 02:32:02,880
Speaker 5: People didn't understand what you did. People would say, what

3318
02:32:02,920 --> 02:32:06,600
Speaker 5: does your dad do? I'm like everything, he's an artist's

3319
02:32:07,000 --> 02:32:08,960
Speaker 5: that's just what he does. So I just want you

3320
02:32:09,080 --> 02:32:12,080
Speaker 5: to know that you know all your hard work does

3321
02:32:12,200 --> 02:32:15,080
Speaker 5: not go unnoticed. I love you. You are still my

3322
02:32:15,240 --> 02:32:17,520
Speaker 5: very best friend to this day. I love you so much,

3323
02:32:17,560 --> 02:32:19,240
Speaker 5: and thank you so much for being a daddy to me.

3324
02:32:19,440 --> 02:32:20,959
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, daughter, You're welcome.

3325
02:32:22,600 --> 02:32:24,480
Speaker 5: And then to my husband, I just wanted to say

3326
02:32:24,600 --> 02:32:26,840
Speaker 5: thank you so much for being the man that you

3327
02:32:27,000 --> 02:32:29,920
Speaker 5: are to our family. I used to call us a

3328
02:32:30,000 --> 02:32:32,280
Speaker 5: small family, but I don't think we're considered a small

3329
02:32:32,360 --> 02:32:34,800
Speaker 5: family no more. I feel like if it's four of us,

3330
02:32:35,440 --> 02:32:38,080
Speaker 5: that's just a family. So thank you so much for

3331
02:32:38,400 --> 02:32:40,360
Speaker 5: I see you work day in and day out. You

3332
02:32:40,640 --> 02:32:43,480
Speaker 5: travel to work, you commute to work, You make life

3333
02:32:43,560 --> 02:32:45,640
Speaker 5: so easy for being I want you to know that

3334
02:32:45,879 --> 02:32:48,240
Speaker 5: I do I do value all the work that you

3335
02:32:48,360 --> 02:32:50,760
Speaker 5: put in every single day for our family. The way

3336
02:32:50,800 --> 02:32:54,720
Speaker 5: that Claire lights up the room when she smiles. Here

3337
02:32:54,760 --> 02:32:56,320
Speaker 5: are smile lights up the room when you walk in.

3338
02:32:56,480 --> 02:32:58,640
Speaker 5: I love that. I can't wait to see you guys'

3339
02:32:58,760 --> 02:33:02,440
Speaker 5: relationship blossom, that she gets to realize how lucky she

3340
02:33:02,680 --> 02:33:04,959
Speaker 5: is for having a dad that loves her. I also

3341
02:33:05,080 --> 02:33:07,040
Speaker 5: used to get jealous at the fact that she looks

3342
02:33:07,160 --> 02:33:09,720
Speaker 5: like you, But I'm like my dad too, so I

3343
02:33:09,800 --> 02:33:12,800
Speaker 5: can't even be mad. But I love you, and thank

3344
02:33:12,840 --> 02:33:13,760
Speaker 5: you for being a good daddy.

3345
02:33:14,160 --> 02:33:14,400
Speaker 3: Thank you.

3346
02:33:14,560 --> 02:33:16,520
Speaker 2: That was them. I love it now.

3347
02:33:16,600 --> 02:33:19,840
Speaker 4: Y'all grabbed that box right there, okay, and I want

3348
02:33:19,920 --> 02:33:23,879
Speaker 4: y'all to get it's two keys in there and two markers, well,

3349
02:33:23,920 --> 02:33:25,720
Speaker 4: two pieces of paper. I want y'all to use the

3350
02:33:25,800 --> 02:33:27,920
Speaker 4: top of it to write down a key to love.

3351
02:33:28,520 --> 02:33:30,120
Speaker 2: What do you think of seeing this little one right here?

3352
02:33:30,520 --> 02:33:30,640
Speaker 5: Oh?

3353
02:33:30,680 --> 02:33:33,840
Speaker 6: Well, it's so cool because I don't know if if

3354
02:33:33,920 --> 02:33:36,160
Speaker 6: the world knows, but I got to meet Claire when she.

3355
02:33:36,320 --> 02:33:38,800
Speaker 5: Was two days old. She was like fresh out the wound.

3356
02:33:38,920 --> 02:33:41,240
Speaker 6: She was fresh out, and I didn't even think like

3357
02:33:41,360 --> 02:33:43,680
Speaker 6: that I was supposed to be allowed to hold this

3358
02:33:43,920 --> 02:33:48,200
Speaker 6: beautiful gift from God and Lataria put her in my arms.

3359
02:33:48,280 --> 02:33:50,320
Speaker 3: So it is it is started crying.

3360
02:33:50,879 --> 02:33:54,920
Speaker 5: Hey, I my eyes were sweating. It was a long day.

3361
02:33:55,480 --> 02:33:59,760
Speaker 6: I was tired, and just to see it's like it's

3362
02:33:59,840 --> 02:34:03,320
Speaker 6: like watching a miracle. So I try not to get emotional,

3363
02:34:03,440 --> 02:34:06,400
Speaker 6: but I just babies are such a gift from God

3364
02:34:07,200 --> 02:34:10,679
Speaker 6: that I feel the presence of God around.

3365
02:34:12,520 --> 02:34:15,200
Speaker 5: Around babies, and I do. I do want Mom to

3366
02:34:15,320 --> 02:34:16,280
Speaker 5: come make a cameo.

3367
02:34:16,959 --> 02:34:17,280
Speaker 2: She can.

3368
02:34:17,400 --> 02:34:19,840
Speaker 4: When they get I'm gonna have them go and put

3369
02:34:19,879 --> 02:34:21,440
Speaker 4: the key up there, and I'm gonna tell the Darren

3370
02:34:21,480 --> 02:34:23,119
Speaker 4: and come here, and my mom come here, and I'm

3371
02:34:23,120 --> 02:34:24,960
Speaker 4: gonna talk to them about two minutes and then they leave.

3372
02:34:25,480 --> 02:34:29,160
Speaker 2: All right. So what was the key that you wrote me? Yeah,

3373
02:34:29,240 --> 02:34:30,640
Speaker 2: push the microphone closer about.

3374
02:34:34,520 --> 02:34:38,240
Speaker 5: So, I wrote, the key to love is growth growth.

3375
02:34:38,440 --> 02:34:42,400
Speaker 2: Did you write your name? And it's a good one.

3376
02:34:42,520 --> 02:34:46,440
Speaker 3: No, I did not pull this guy back. So for me,

3377
02:34:46,800 --> 02:34:49,040
Speaker 3: the key to love is choosing to love each version

3378
02:34:49,120 --> 02:34:49,920
Speaker 3: your partner becomes.

3379
02:34:51,400 --> 02:34:52,199
Speaker 2: Why is that important?

3380
02:34:53,000 --> 02:34:55,680
Speaker 3: I think, as she said, I am not the same person.

3381
02:34:56,560 --> 02:34:57,119
Speaker 3: I think.

3382
02:34:59,000 --> 02:35:01,640
Speaker 1: I don't really believe in the whole like cupid mentality

3383
02:35:01,680 --> 02:35:03,360
Speaker 1: of like it's love at first sight and it's just

3384
02:35:03,760 --> 02:35:06,640
Speaker 1: sunshine and rainbows from that point forward. There's a lot

3385
02:35:06,680 --> 02:35:08,240
Speaker 1: of growth that happens. So I think that bleeds into

3386
02:35:08,280 --> 02:35:11,440
Speaker 1: what you said accidentally, but I think there's a lot

3387
02:35:11,520 --> 02:35:15,560
Speaker 1: of growth. Yeah, that ends up happening. And like she

3388
02:35:15,680 --> 02:35:19,360
Speaker 1: saw the vision, I saw the vision. She was a

3389
02:35:19,400 --> 02:35:21,720
Speaker 1: great person at heart, and she strived to be an

3390
02:35:21,760 --> 02:35:25,000
Speaker 1: even better person than I did too. And as long

3391
02:35:25,120 --> 02:35:27,360
Speaker 1: as that is the core of your being, your good

3392
02:35:27,400 --> 02:35:28,880
Speaker 1: people that love each other and want the best for

3393
02:35:28,959 --> 02:35:31,440
Speaker 1: each other, I think it can and will work out.

3394
02:35:31,520 --> 02:35:33,600
Speaker 3: It just won't always be easy. I don't think it

3395
02:35:33,640 --> 02:35:34,480
Speaker 3: ever will be easy.

3396
02:35:35,800 --> 02:35:37,760
Speaker 1: So it's a conscious decision that we've made and we've

3397
02:35:37,800 --> 02:35:40,360
Speaker 1: continued to make, and we'll continue to make, is to

3398
02:35:40,800 --> 02:35:44,680
Speaker 1: love the forever changing and forever growing and adapting to

3399
02:35:45,080 --> 02:35:48,600
Speaker 1: like what our new reality is because we have one

3400
02:35:48,640 --> 02:35:50,039
Speaker 1: new change and another one coming.

3401
02:35:50,200 --> 02:35:54,560
Speaker 4: Yep, that's good, all right, sign your name and put

3402
02:35:54,600 --> 02:35:57,720
Speaker 4: the and then go hang it up on that both

3403
02:35:57,760 --> 02:36:01,520
Speaker 4: of y'all put on that available hook. Well, thank y'all

3404
02:36:01,560 --> 02:36:04,520
Speaker 4: so much for showing up, being transparent and vulnerable.

3405
02:36:04,879 --> 02:36:07,720
Speaker 2: Made the love you share today outlived the season you

3406
02:36:07,840 --> 02:36:09,080
Speaker 2: in man carry you.

3407
02:36:09,120 --> 02:36:12,120
Speaker 5: Through the days when words are few, and faith has

3408
02:36:12,200 --> 02:36:12,920
Speaker 5: to do the talking.

3409
02:36:13,360 --> 02:36:18,480
Speaker 4: Y'all give it up for the cosmic though, all right,

3410
02:36:18,520 --> 02:36:23,600
Speaker 4: So listen, dear future wifey family also known as lit

3411
02:36:23,720 --> 02:36:28,560
Speaker 4: fam and Love Scholars. Since this is a special holiday

3412
02:36:28,720 --> 02:36:31,400
Speaker 4: Father's Day, I would be remiss if I didn't bring

3413
02:36:31,959 --> 02:36:37,400
Speaker 4: my nephew son La Darien, and my mom, Lilian Whitfield

3414
02:36:37,560 --> 02:36:40,920
Speaker 4: on the podcast. They were just sitting here because my

3415
02:36:41,040 --> 02:36:43,960
Speaker 4: mom was here in case Claire needed to step out

3416
02:36:45,040 --> 02:36:48,000
Speaker 4: and so she could watch her. And then Ladarien was

3417
02:36:48,080 --> 02:36:51,040
Speaker 4: lucky enough today to be off, and so I wanted

3418
02:36:51,120 --> 02:36:53,760
Speaker 4: him to do the switching for the episode today.

3419
02:36:53,879 --> 02:36:57,640
Speaker 2: So how y'all doing. I'm doing great, pretty good. What

3420
02:36:57,879 --> 02:37:01,200
Speaker 2: was it like raising me up? Mother?

3421
02:37:01,320 --> 02:37:02,520
Speaker 3: Like you're doing what you want to do?

3422
02:37:04,600 --> 02:37:06,880
Speaker 2: Explained you pretty much raising yourself.

3423
02:37:06,959 --> 02:37:08,240
Speaker 3: I guess I don't know what you do.

3424
02:37:10,360 --> 02:37:13,400
Speaker 9: I was raising myself, yeah, cause you have things in

3425
02:37:13,480 --> 02:37:15,440
Speaker 9: your mind what you want to do, and you need it.

3426
02:37:17,040 --> 02:37:18,160
Speaker 5: So I just praised God.

3427
02:37:18,240 --> 02:37:18,720
Speaker 3: You did it.

3428
02:37:19,640 --> 02:37:20,879
Speaker 2: Asked to ask him question.

3429
02:37:21,240 --> 02:37:23,560
Speaker 6: Well, I think I know about the raising part, but

3430
02:37:23,640 --> 02:37:26,240
Speaker 6: I guess so you said, he kind of did his

3431
02:37:26,400 --> 02:37:30,200
Speaker 6: own thing and he raised himself in some ways. So

3432
02:37:30,280 --> 02:37:33,240
Speaker 6: when you look back now at the father that he

3433
02:37:33,480 --> 02:37:37,160
Speaker 6: is at the man that he is. What are you

3434
02:37:37,400 --> 02:37:38,160
Speaker 6: most proud of?

3435
02:37:39,320 --> 02:37:42,840
Speaker 9: Well, I'm looking at because he always put you know, well,

3436
02:37:42,879 --> 02:37:47,800
Speaker 9: he kind of liked me family first, and like I say,

3437
02:37:48,320 --> 02:37:51,680
Speaker 9: he just believe in family. Like I said, I knew

3438
02:37:51,720 --> 02:37:55,160
Speaker 9: the night when God saved him, so God showed him.

3439
02:37:55,240 --> 02:37:55,840
Speaker 2: I was at church.

3440
02:37:57,120 --> 02:37:57,879
Speaker 9: I didn't know it was him.

3441
02:37:58,600 --> 02:37:59,440
Speaker 5: What did God show you?

3442
02:38:00,440 --> 02:38:03,560
Speaker 9: He showed me a similar way. A lot of rain

3443
02:38:03,840 --> 02:38:06,400
Speaker 9: dropped me falling down into similar salvation.

3444
02:38:07,800 --> 02:38:08,840
Speaker 2: It was in my family.

3445
02:38:09,560 --> 02:38:12,480
Speaker 9: I didn't know it till the next day that was him.

3446
02:38:13,640 --> 02:38:16,080
Speaker 9: So I just praised God because my prayers always been

3447
02:38:16,160 --> 02:38:20,160
Speaker 9: you know, on my family, and he have come along ways,

3448
02:38:20,320 --> 02:38:23,080
Speaker 9: you know. And uh, and I thank God for him

3449
02:38:23,080 --> 02:38:25,600
Speaker 9: because of the day that I you know, one thing

3450
02:38:25,720 --> 02:38:28,320
Speaker 9: I thought about, asking God, you know, who's gonna take

3451
02:38:28,360 --> 02:38:31,000
Speaker 9: care of me when I got old, I didn't ever

3452
02:38:31,080 --> 02:38:35,000
Speaker 9: gonna be him? And uh, but that's where it came

3453
02:38:35,080 --> 02:38:35,440
Speaker 9: out to be.

3454
02:38:36,680 --> 02:38:37,959
Speaker 3: And I thank God for him.

3455
02:38:40,040 --> 02:38:43,120
Speaker 9: And like I said, he put me, you know, into everything,

3456
02:38:43,160 --> 02:38:44,880
Speaker 9: a lot of stuff. I didn't understand a lot of

3457
02:38:44,920 --> 02:38:46,840
Speaker 9: ways that he was going through, but I know he goes.

3458
02:38:47,240 --> 02:38:49,400
Speaker 9: When y'all was talking about him talking a long time

3459
02:38:49,520 --> 02:38:51,080
Speaker 9: I know what you.

3460
02:38:51,120 --> 02:38:52,640
Speaker 2: Know about that. He talking.

3461
02:38:53,920 --> 02:38:54,320
Speaker 4: Like you had.

3462
02:38:54,400 --> 02:38:58,560
Speaker 5: I said, we're not in court. Wait what do you say, mom?

3463
02:38:58,879 --> 02:38:59,480
Speaker 2: Not in court?

3464
02:39:00,280 --> 02:39:05,120
Speaker 5: In court? That is funny, That is hilarious.

3465
02:39:05,160 --> 02:39:08,000
Speaker 4: I always get in trouble growing up for talking in

3466
02:39:08,160 --> 02:39:11,320
Speaker 4: class and talking a lot in school, and you always

3467
02:39:11,400 --> 02:39:12,280
Speaker 4: get on you see.

3468
02:39:12,520 --> 02:39:14,360
Speaker 2: The teacher then said you were talkative. You got in

3469
02:39:14,400 --> 02:39:14,920
Speaker 2: trouble again.

3470
02:39:14,959 --> 02:39:17,480
Speaker 4: I was like, hey, that's just maybe I'll be something

3471
02:39:17,520 --> 02:39:20,520
Speaker 4: where talking is necessary, and hence the Dear You Dwarfy

3472
02:39:20,600 --> 02:39:21,440
Speaker 4: podcast here we have.

3473
02:39:23,280 --> 02:39:28,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, congratulations, you just graduated high school. How you feel? Honestly?

3474
02:39:30,000 --> 02:39:33,080
Speaker 8: Okay, I can say this when it happened, and I

3475
02:39:33,200 --> 02:39:35,960
Speaker 8: told you the day before I was low key stressed

3476
02:39:35,959 --> 02:39:37,560
Speaker 8: about a lot of stuff and I was feeling bad,

3477
02:39:37,600 --> 02:39:40,880
Speaker 8: and we had the conversation about like, don't worry about

3478
02:39:40,879 --> 02:39:43,200
Speaker 8: that stuff, leave that in the past because tomorrow's all day.

3479
02:39:43,560 --> 02:39:45,040
Speaker 2: And it's like, what this? So I enjoyed it.

3480
02:39:45,080 --> 02:39:48,959
Speaker 8: I appreciate you for bringing my grandma Deontae. I appreciate

3481
02:39:49,000 --> 02:39:52,520
Speaker 8: my mama for going. I appreciate my dad for coming.

3482
02:39:53,000 --> 02:39:54,920
Speaker 8: It was a really happy moment. I appreciate you for

3483
02:39:55,080 --> 02:39:58,120
Speaker 8: uh what's the name. Oh yeah, I keep you going.

3484
02:39:58,120 --> 02:40:00,280
Speaker 8: I almost forgot my goodness, sorry about that. And I

3485
02:40:00,360 --> 02:40:04,840
Speaker 8: appreciate you for having at dinner afterwards too, So I

3486
02:40:04,959 --> 02:40:07,320
Speaker 8: really appreciate that. So I really enjoyed my day because

3487
02:40:07,320 --> 02:40:07,440
Speaker 8: of it.

3488
02:40:10,080 --> 02:40:15,279
Speaker 4: You've gone through an unconventional journey of fatherhood. It's interesting

3489
02:40:15,400 --> 02:40:17,840
Speaker 4: because of course you never call me father, you never

3490
02:40:17,920 --> 02:40:21,840
Speaker 4: call me dad, you call me uncle. What happens in

3491
02:40:21,920 --> 02:40:26,760
Speaker 4: your mind as we approach Father's Day? Uh, with knowing

3492
02:40:26,879 --> 02:40:30,680
Speaker 4: that I played the position and the role of father.

3493
02:40:31,160 --> 02:40:32,440
Speaker 4: But yeah, and still I don't.

3494
02:40:32,280 --> 02:40:32,880
Speaker 2: Have that title.

3495
02:40:35,480 --> 02:40:39,959
Speaker 8: Okay with me, I'm like, you deserve the title. It's

3496
02:40:40,000 --> 02:40:41,720
Speaker 8: not like, oh, you don't deserve it, and I'm like that,

3497
02:40:41,760 --> 02:40:44,520
Speaker 8: it's like that. It's literally just it feels weird calling

3498
02:40:44,560 --> 02:40:47,959
Speaker 8: you my father because blood related, you're my uncle. You're

3499
02:40:47,959 --> 02:40:55,480
Speaker 8: my mom's brother, so it feel weird calling you my father. Also, yeah,

3500
02:40:55,480 --> 02:40:56,280
Speaker 8: I look him his father.

3501
02:40:56,400 --> 02:40:57,080
Speaker 2: I call him uncle.

3502
02:40:57,120 --> 02:40:59,440
Speaker 8: Plus I've been even before I even got a doctored

3503
02:40:59,440 --> 02:41:02,160
Speaker 8: by Uncle Terry was like, it kind of.

3504
02:41:02,160 --> 02:41:02,680
Speaker 3: Just stuck with me.

3505
02:41:03,200 --> 02:41:06,000
Speaker 2: So what do you want to ask them?

3506
02:41:07,000 --> 02:41:12,680
Speaker 6: I guess as you think about Father's Day, and I

3507
02:41:12,760 --> 02:41:16,199
Speaker 6: guess the most important thing that you've learned from your uncle?

3508
02:41:16,680 --> 02:41:17,920
Speaker 5: What would you say that is.

3509
02:41:23,160 --> 02:41:25,560
Speaker 8: It's a lot of things, so it's a good few things.

3510
02:41:25,560 --> 02:41:27,960
Speaker 8: So you know, we haven't talked as off, So I

3511
02:41:28,080 --> 02:41:33,280
Speaker 8: say this is more recent because you know me, I

3512
02:41:33,280 --> 02:41:35,040
Speaker 8: don't really talk about my problems and nothing like that.

3513
02:41:36,640 --> 02:41:38,360
Speaker 8: And I've been trying to be more better with like

3514
02:41:38,520 --> 02:41:40,360
Speaker 8: become better with that. And I say, that's probably the

3515
02:41:40,640 --> 02:41:43,040
Speaker 8: thing I learned the most, is be more transparent with

3516
02:41:43,120 --> 02:41:45,840
Speaker 8: people because I'm not like and I'm still saying right now,

3517
02:41:45,840 --> 02:41:48,560
Speaker 8: I'm still not perfect with that, but I've been trying

3518
02:41:48,600 --> 02:41:52,240
Speaker 8: to like tell like people I care about how I'm

3519
02:41:52,240 --> 02:41:55,040
Speaker 8: feeling and stuff like that. That's all recently, you know,

3520
02:41:55,080 --> 02:41:56,920
Speaker 8: all the other stuff. I've been talking about that stuff too,

3521
02:41:56,920 --> 02:41:59,240
Speaker 8: and I usually wouldn't talk about that like at all.

3522
02:41:59,520 --> 02:42:00,560
Speaker 2: I just can to myself.

3523
02:42:00,760 --> 02:42:05,440
Speaker 6: So I say that, So tell him how you feel

3524
02:42:05,480 --> 02:42:08,240
Speaker 6: about him, because you know words mean everything to him.

3525
02:42:08,280 --> 02:42:10,440
Speaker 6: So take this moment to share how you feel.

3526
02:42:11,520 --> 02:42:13,720
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll have to.

3527
02:42:13,760 --> 02:42:14,600
Speaker 2: Keep it g because I want to.

3528
02:42:14,600 --> 02:42:17,440
Speaker 8: I want to get most of them because at times

3529
02:42:17,480 --> 02:42:19,160
Speaker 8: when I started speaking to my feelings, I started getting

3530
02:42:19,160 --> 02:42:25,480
Speaker 8: most of it just like him. But okay, hold up,

3531
02:42:26,560 --> 02:42:29,680
Speaker 8: oh boy, I appreciate everything you've done for me.

3532
02:42:31,400 --> 02:42:32,000
Speaker 2: Like genial lee.

3533
02:42:32,120 --> 02:42:34,080
Speaker 8: You literally took me out of false care when I

3534
02:42:34,160 --> 02:42:38,200
Speaker 8: was seven, and that's been that's literally ten years ago,

3535
02:42:38,280 --> 02:42:43,600
Speaker 8: or I'm gonna be eleven years ago. You didn't ask

3536
02:42:43,680 --> 02:42:46,640
Speaker 8: for this, You didn't. What's it you didn't. You wasn't Basically,

3537
02:42:46,800 --> 02:42:48,640
Speaker 8: you wasn't supposed to. This wasn't supposed to happen like

3538
02:42:49,000 --> 02:42:53,960
Speaker 8: I wasn't your son essentially, but you treated you always

3539
02:42:54,000 --> 02:42:55,840
Speaker 8: treat me as when you took me as your son.

3540
02:42:57,920 --> 02:42:59,720
Speaker 2: I just really think about sself. You're the closest person

3541
02:42:59,800 --> 02:43:01,560
Speaker 2: I had because.

3542
02:43:01,440 --> 02:43:05,440
Speaker 8: We've been like literally even before Almight, you know all

3543
02:43:05,480 --> 02:43:06,720
Speaker 8: that stuff, it was just me and you for a

3544
02:43:06,840 --> 02:43:10,760
Speaker 8: good two three years. So I just want to say

3545
02:43:10,800 --> 02:43:14,160
Speaker 8: I really appreciate everything you've done for me, and you're

3546
02:43:14,160 --> 02:43:15,280
Speaker 8: the best that anybody could have.

3547
02:43:18,600 --> 02:43:22,280
Speaker 2: Don't cry. If you start crying, I might start crying.

3548
02:43:22,280 --> 02:43:23,120
Speaker 3: I ain't trying to cry on him.

3549
02:43:26,440 --> 02:43:29,160
Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you.

3550
02:43:30,440 --> 02:43:32,840
Speaker 4: God has positioned you for greatness if you allow it.

3551
02:43:33,200 --> 02:43:35,080
Speaker 4: As you get ready to go to college, I want

3552
02:43:35,120 --> 02:43:36,800
Speaker 4: you to be a mighty man of valor. I want

3553
02:43:36,840 --> 02:43:39,279
Speaker 4: you to be a man that doesn't have to always

3554
02:43:39,360 --> 02:43:41,840
Speaker 4: make mistakes to learn from them, but you can look

3555
02:43:41,879 --> 02:43:44,320
Speaker 4: at other people's mistakes and learn from their mistakes, and

3556
02:43:44,440 --> 02:43:46,560
Speaker 4: you can just do the right thing for righteous sake.

3557
02:43:46,959 --> 02:43:49,240
Speaker 4: You can literally say, God, who have you called me

3558
02:43:49,320 --> 02:43:51,320
Speaker 4: to be? I don't have to go through a difficult

3559
02:43:51,440 --> 02:43:53,880
Speaker 4: journey and then be on the outside of it, or

3560
02:43:53,959 --> 02:43:56,039
Speaker 4: be at the rock bottom and then learn to build

3561
02:43:56,080 --> 02:43:56,640
Speaker 4: myself up.

3562
02:43:56,760 --> 02:43:57,160
Speaker 3: I can be.

3563
02:43:57,320 --> 02:43:59,360
Speaker 2: I can use wisdom and learn right now, and I

3564
02:43:59,360 --> 02:44:01,560
Speaker 2: don't have to make the same mistakes. And so I

3565
02:44:01,680 --> 02:44:02,240
Speaker 2: believe in you.

3566
02:44:02,560 --> 02:44:04,960
Speaker 4: I trust the God in you, and I want you

3567
02:44:05,560 --> 02:44:07,640
Speaker 4: always say what for you to do better than I've

3568
02:44:07,680 --> 02:44:09,800
Speaker 4: ever done. I want you to be a better man

3569
02:44:09,920 --> 02:44:12,440
Speaker 4: than I ever was and who I am, and I

3570
02:44:12,600 --> 02:44:15,840
Speaker 4: want you to accomplish more than I've ever accomplished, because

3571
02:44:16,160 --> 02:44:18,440
Speaker 4: you can stand on my shoulders and get there faster,

3572
02:44:18,720 --> 02:44:20,039
Speaker 4: said I told that to Lutaria.

3573
02:44:20,240 --> 02:44:21,959
Speaker 2: You can stand on my shoulders and get there faster.

3574
02:44:22,160 --> 02:44:25,200
Speaker 4: Whatever I am and whatever you see that you admire

3575
02:44:25,280 --> 02:44:28,400
Speaker 4: about me, you can be that and more because you

3576
02:44:28,640 --> 02:44:31,760
Speaker 4: have me and you actually now you got a bonus

3577
02:44:31,879 --> 02:44:34,880
Speaker 4: mom where you got asley that you see she relentless.

3578
02:44:40,360 --> 02:44:43,680
Speaker 8: Okay, not just on me conversations, you have other people.

3579
02:44:43,680 --> 02:44:49,440
Speaker 8: I see it so reless, yes, but she sold that secure,

3580
02:44:49,520 --> 02:44:52,240
Speaker 8: so good thing. She ain't gonna let she ain't gonna

3581
02:44:52,320 --> 02:44:54,520
Speaker 8: let you fail this. No, and if you fail, there

3582
02:44:54,520 --> 02:44:55,640
Speaker 8: ain't gonna be easy failing her.

3583
02:44:55,800 --> 02:44:59,440
Speaker 2: She's gonna keep on. She's gonna stay on you. And so.

3584
02:45:01,640 --> 02:45:04,680
Speaker 4: Again, thank you for being that type of woman that

3585
02:45:05,440 --> 02:45:07,520
Speaker 4: can cover him and stay consistent.

3586
02:45:08,200 --> 02:45:13,480
Speaker 2: Y'all give it up for my son. We've been here,

3587
02:45:15,000 --> 02:45:15,960
Speaker 2: We'll be with you.

3588
02:45:17,360 --> 02:45:22,440
Speaker 4: Ladarian rusted suddenly into child protective Services in twenty fifteen.

3589
02:45:23,120 --> 02:45:25,720
Speaker 2: My nephew, black a boy.

3590
02:45:26,360 --> 02:45:29,880
Speaker 4: The likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship, slim to

3591
02:45:29,959 --> 02:45:35,640
Speaker 4: none Rmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with five

3592
02:45:35,800 --> 02:45:38,200
Speaker 4: years in the FALSIL care system before I even knew

3593
02:45:38,240 --> 02:45:42,640
Speaker 4: his name. The likelihood have ever been adopted? Yep, you

3594
02:45:42,760 --> 02:45:48,000
Speaker 4: guessed it. Slim to none. While Ladarian and Ourmiani were

3595
02:45:48,040 --> 02:45:51,000
Speaker 4: trying to survive and barely thrive in an overpopulated and

3596
02:45:51,120 --> 02:45:54,040
Speaker 4: underfunded FALSI care system, I was living my own life,

3597
02:45:54,160 --> 02:45:57,240
Speaker 4: doing well professionally, having been a single father with a

3598
02:45:57,360 --> 02:45:59,600
Speaker 4: daughter who at that point was doing well in college.

3599
02:46:00,120 --> 02:46:03,039
Speaker 4: It was my time to live my life right wrong.

3600
02:46:04,200 --> 02:46:09,959
Speaker 4: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just two many

3601
02:46:10,200 --> 02:46:13,600
Speaker 4: of our Black children stuck in ambiguity and in the

3602
02:46:13,720 --> 02:46:17,080
Speaker 4: limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I

3603
02:46:17,200 --> 02:46:21,080
Speaker 4: legally adopted my nephew, Ladarian. Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

3604
02:46:21,160 --> 02:46:23,320
Speaker 4: I had no ties to this other young king, but

3605
02:46:23,360 --> 02:46:26,440
Speaker 4: I felt God instructed me to adopt them also in Ilbate.

3606
02:46:27,400 --> 02:46:30,400
Speaker 4: Starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right, Working

3607
02:46:30,480 --> 02:46:33,080
Speaker 4: with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring

3608
02:46:33,160 --> 02:46:36,360
Speaker 4: awareness to the countless young Black kings and the Falster

3609
02:46:36,440 --> 02:46:40,600
Speaker 4: care system should have decreased My agitation. Right joined the

3610
02:46:40,680 --> 02:46:43,680
Speaker 4: board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization that

3611
02:46:43,760 --> 02:46:47,080
Speaker 4: helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false care

3612
02:46:47,240 --> 02:46:49,080
Speaker 4: should have led to some type of resolve.

3613
02:46:49,240 --> 02:46:53,560
Speaker 2: Right, No, not at all. None of it felt like

3614
02:46:53,760 --> 02:46:57,440
Speaker 2: I had done enough. I now realized that.

3615
02:46:57,720 --> 02:47:01,480
Speaker 4: Every one of those experiences was land the fundamental foundation

3616
02:47:01,640 --> 02:47:02,680
Speaker 4: for my life's mission.

3617
02:47:03,640 --> 02:47:04,440
Speaker 2: Kingdom Royal.

3618
02:47:05,400 --> 02:47:08,040
Speaker 4: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

3619
02:47:08,120 --> 02:47:11,280
Speaker 4: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

3620
02:47:11,320 --> 02:47:14,720
Speaker 4: the Dallas Fortward Metroplex. We will utilize the whole person

3621
02:47:14,800 --> 02:47:19,000
Speaker 4: approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves

3622
02:47:19,280 --> 02:47:23,320
Speaker 4: and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that

3623
02:47:23,480 --> 02:47:28,040
Speaker 4: they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will attend

3624
02:47:28,080 --> 02:47:31,320
Speaker 4: the local public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal,

3625
02:47:31,760 --> 02:47:35,600
Speaker 4: our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating

3626
02:47:35,600 --> 02:47:39,160
Speaker 4: in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and

3627
02:47:39,280 --> 02:47:43,720
Speaker 4: engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant

3628
02:47:43,840 --> 02:47:48,280
Speaker 4: historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and even

3629
02:47:48,360 --> 02:47:52,080
Speaker 4: caring for our animals on our form and on site stables.

3630
02:47:52,840 --> 02:47:56,240
Speaker 4: We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal

3631
02:47:56,280 --> 02:47:57,920
Speaker 4: of raising two point eight million dollars.

3632
02:47:57,959 --> 02:47:59,360
Speaker 2: Now why two point eight million dollars?

3633
02:48:00,240 --> 02:48:00,400
Speaker 3: Well.

3634
02:48:00,440 --> 02:48:02,800
Speaker 4: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

3635
02:48:02,840 --> 02:48:06,720
Speaker 4: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

3636
02:48:07,000 --> 02:48:09,240
Speaker 4: One of the most notable successes was that one of

3637
02:48:09,280 --> 02:48:14,400
Speaker 4: the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

3638
02:48:14,879 --> 02:48:17,080
Speaker 4: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

3639
02:48:17,120 --> 02:48:20,480
Speaker 4: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

3640
02:48:20,520 --> 02:48:24,600
Speaker 4: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with

3641
02:48:24,879 --> 02:48:28,360
Speaker 4: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

3642
02:48:28,480 --> 02:48:31,400
Speaker 4: I knew if at that time just ten percent of

3643
02:48:31,440 --> 02:48:34,320
Speaker 4: the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at

3644
02:48:34,400 --> 02:48:37,880
Speaker 4: least two point eight million dollars that could have really

3645
02:48:38,000 --> 02:48:40,960
Speaker 4: established long term support for the homeless community, or at

3646
02:48:41,040 --> 02:48:43,800
Speaker 4: least started a long term initiative to do so.

3647
02:48:44,879 --> 02:48:48,960
Speaker 2: This is my do over, This is our new beginning.

3648
02:48:49,120 --> 02:48:52,599
Speaker 4: Together, we can attack this at the route by specifically

3649
02:48:52,760 --> 02:48:57,880
Speaker 4: helping our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented

3650
02:48:58,080 --> 02:48:59,720
Speaker 4: in the American fossil care system.

3651
02:49:00,440 --> 02:49:01,680
Speaker 2: I'm the Terisar Whickfield.

3652
02:49:01,680 --> 02:49:05,080
Speaker 4: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work

3653
02:49:05,120 --> 02:49:08,040
Speaker 4: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

3654
02:49:08,640 --> 02:49:13,359
Speaker 2: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly.

3655
02:49:13,200 --> 02:49:18,879
Speaker 4: Providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot

3656
02:49:18,920 --> 02:49:22,520
Speaker 4: com for more details, Crown a king and make a

3657
02:49:22,600 --> 02:49:32,560
Speaker 4: donation today. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the

3658
02:49:32,600 --> 02:49:38,039
Speaker 4: Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently,

3659
02:49:38,560 --> 02:49:39,520
Speaker 4: and don't stop loving.

3660
02:49:39,959 --> 02:49:42,240
Speaker 2: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and

3661
02:49:42,280 --> 02:49:42,960
Speaker 2: YouTube channel.

3662
02:49:43,160 --> 02:49:46,640
Speaker 4: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

3663
02:49:46,920 --> 02:49:50,000
Speaker 4: Welcome your support, simply share our podcasts with your friends

3664
02:49:50,040 --> 02:49:50,480
Speaker 4: and family.