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Speaker 1: Can I say something controversial though, I think you should

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Speaker 1: marry your type. I've seen people say that the person

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Speaker 1: they're married to wasn't their type. I think that's weird.

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Speaker 1: It catches up to you finding somebody attractive matters. I

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Speaker 1: think being sexually attracted somebody matters. I think all those

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Speaker 1: things matter.

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Speaker 2: But this is what I want to push back on.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes people types are so unhealthy. I tell people, divorce

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Speaker 2: your type and marry your core values.

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Speaker 1: I think the Church has hijacked a lot of people

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Speaker 1: from pursuing their type because they made it seem like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's only spiritual. No no, no no, but she's not only.

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Speaker 3: Come on, come on. This morning I woke up, I said,

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Speaker 3: you have the prettiest break.

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Speaker 1: I always said, you don't need to marry the best

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Speaker 1: looking person you've ever met. You just need to marry

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Speaker 1: the best person you ever met. I married the best

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Speaker 1: person I've ever read. That's what I'm talking about, and

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Speaker 1: she just happened to be bind.

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Speaker 2: This couple is so keendom minded that they're putting on

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Speaker 2: a huge event that represents the Kingdom of God. Welcome

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Speaker 2: to the deffer to Wifey Podcasts, My Homies, The Ring goals.

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Speaker 3: How y'all doing?

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Speaker 1: What's going on?

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Speaker 4: Man?

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Speaker 3: What's going on?

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Speaker 5: Said that?

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Speaker 1: I got a pit in my stomach, Like, God, why

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Speaker 1: did you tell me to do that?

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Speaker 2: Why are you crazy enough to put on the known conference.

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Speaker 1: There's a long list, but I will start with the

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Speaker 1: first one God told me to.

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Speaker 6: People struggle with this every day. They're like, I heard

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Speaker 6: from the Lord. I know this is the laying. Finances

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Speaker 6: are one of the number one, if not the number

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Speaker 6: one cause of doors. Is there a balance or do

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Speaker 6: you just trust out?

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Speaker 1: So? I think I think trusting God is two things.

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Speaker 1: Are your gifts opening doors? Because if they're not, you

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Speaker 1: may not be gifted in that area. Right. I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to hijack our finances for a dream because guess what.

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Speaker 1: God called me to provide for my family. Before Adam

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Speaker 1: had Eve, he had a job. My job is to provide.

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Speaker 1: And I think to spoil my wife and not just provide.

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Speaker 1: I think to spoil my wife.

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Speaker 2: I want to I want to take a couple of

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Speaker 2: steps with that, so so my audists can know who

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Speaker 2: are y'all? How did y'all bet each Yadhood told people

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Speaker 2: that y'all married? I ain't told people nothing about y'all.

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Speaker 2: We start talking about business and relationship with all that,

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Speaker 2: So we're gonna go step back.

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Speaker 3: How y'all be married?

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Speaker 2: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

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Speaker 2: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

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Speaker 2: this day, the day I got married, November the twenty second,

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 5: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 5: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 5: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 2: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 2: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 3: You are the award, the.

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Speaker 2: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing,

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Speaker 2: and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 5: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 5: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 2: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 3: I'm the Terrassaar.

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Speaker 5: Whitfield, I'm Ashley are Whittenbilt. Welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Differ You to Wife podcast. I'm your host

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Speaker 2: laterras Ar.

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Speaker 7: Whitfield and I'm Ashley are Whitfield.

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Speaker 3: Listen.

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Speaker 2: Are you still shacking up with us? Come on, if

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Speaker 2: you're still shacking up with us, can we get a commitment?

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Speaker 2: Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure you turn

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Speaker 2: on your notification bell should be notified about upcoming episodes.

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Speaker 3: Let me just say this, y'all.

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Speaker 2: A lot of y'all have gotten used to me saying

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Speaker 2: that over the years, and sometimes you just hear it

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Speaker 2: and you don't even respond. You'd be like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: you know, I'm already subscribed. Take a moment, go look

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Speaker 2: and see if you, in fact have subscribed to the podcast.

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Speaker 2: And if you have subscribed, then go and hit that

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Speaker 2: notification beill. The notification bell alerts you. A lot of

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Speaker 2: people get excited when they see us go live, but

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Speaker 2: they don't know how other people are notified. They're notified

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Speaker 2: because they turn on their notification bell and thirty minute

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Speaker 2: before an episode is released, YouTube sends it out and

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Speaker 2: notifies you to come in tune in. So there that

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Speaker 2: is now listen. Today's episode is really really dope. I

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Speaker 2: love talking to Kingdom minded couples. This couple is so

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Speaker 2: keendom minded that they're putting on a huge event that

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Speaker 2: represents the Kingdom of God. So, without further ado, welcome

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Speaker 2: to the Dear Future WiFi podcast, My Homies, the Ring Goals,

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Speaker 2: How y'all doing?

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Speaker 1: What's going on?

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Speaker 8: Man?

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Speaker 3: Is going on here?

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Speaker 1: That I gotta put in my stomach? Like God, why'd

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Speaker 1: you tell me to do that? You got you gotta

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Speaker 1: got nervous? Like, yeah, it is a huge event.

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Speaker 2: Why are you nervous? This is the first time doing this,

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Speaker 2: right Tom? And of course that comes with a lot

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Speaker 2: of anks. But why are you crazy enough to put

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Speaker 2: on the known conference?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a long list, but I will start with

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Speaker 1: the first one. God told me too, So there's I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to say any names to protect the innocent.

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Speaker 1: But it was a conference at Discipleship Conference a few

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Speaker 1: years ago and a lot of people I knew went

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Speaker 1: to it, and it was like, oh my god, it

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Speaker 1: was amazing. Just at a third I'm like, yeah, that's amazing.

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Speaker 1: There's thousands of people in there and it was Discipleship Conference.

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Speaker 1: I said how many people got discipled? And it looked

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Speaker 1: at me like I had ten heads and they said, oh,

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Speaker 1: nobody got discipled. I said, wait, thousands of people Discipleship conference.

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Speaker 3: Nobody got disciples conference?

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Speaker 1: Yes, it was a discipleship conference and nobody got disciple.

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Speaker 1: So I'm seeing clips and you know, people are talking

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Speaker 1: about relationships. If you dating this too long, you have

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Speaker 1: it's like, I'm just like, it just felt like a

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Speaker 1: missed opportunity. So I had a conversation with a mentor

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Speaker 1: of mine and he was asking the same thing, how

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Speaker 1: do we get young people disciples? How do we get this?

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Speaker 1: And the third he asked me what would a conference

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Speaker 1: or something like that look like? And we just started

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Speaker 1: kind of opening and around that, and I couldn't sleep,

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Speaker 1: Like the Lord kind of just held this stronghold on

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Speaker 1: me for weeks. I told my wife, I said, I

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Speaker 1: think they need to start a conference. I think God

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Speaker 1: is telling me to do a conference. And kind of,

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Speaker 1: you know, everything else kind of matriculated from there and

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Speaker 1: it became this bigger thing, this whole Coachella for Christians.

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Speaker 1: That's that was point much later because really for me,

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Speaker 1: we kind of reversed engineer. How we did it was

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Speaker 1: about what happens when a conference is over. That's where

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Speaker 1: I started it. We want people to be able to

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Speaker 1: to connect to what's our next steps, So people are

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Speaker 1: gonna be able to join groups we have hundred of

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Speaker 1: people signed up to join groups, one hundred of people

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Speaker 1: signed up to get disciples, to be disciplers, to get baptized. Right,

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Speaker 1: so people are taking our next steps. So then the

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Speaker 1: other part that I've always had a passionate about, I

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Speaker 1: feel like there's not enough ambitious Christians. I think we

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Speaker 1: kind of like, I'm gonna get me a nice job

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Speaker 1: and nice house, I'm gonna give me a spouse, and

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Speaker 1: I'm good and I talk to my friends. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't take faith to do any of those things, right,

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Speaker 1: So why are we living this kind of mediocre lifestyle?

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Speaker 1: But yet we supposed to live by faith. But yet

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Speaker 1: my guy said that he gives us tools to build wealth.

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Speaker 1: He says, greater things will you do than I? So

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Speaker 1: it was just this thing, like we want to fuel

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Speaker 1: this conference is to fuel your faith to build a

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Speaker 1: big life. You know, our pastor always talks about building

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Speaker 1: a big life, going from glory to glory to glory.

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Speaker 1: And if I'm being honest, I don't think enough of

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Speaker 1: us operator think that way.

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Speaker 2: Ask you is now, Yolka, when you hear your husband

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Speaker 2: with these big, lofty goals and I know you've been

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Speaker 2: on the journey, He's probably been a.

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Speaker 3: Whole lot of ideas.

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Speaker 2: He had lost a bunch of money that veiled a

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Speaker 2: lot of stuff. How do you stay committed to the

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Speaker 2: purpose that when he gets these downloads from God?

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm just assumed.

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Speaker 2: That you're supportive, so I need to ask you, are

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Speaker 2: you supportive of this?

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Speaker 4: I'm so supportive of it.

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Speaker 9: So when I met my husband, I knew that one

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Speaker 9: of the most important things about him is that he

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Speaker 9: loves God right. And I also knew that he loved

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Speaker 9: God more than me right, So that means he's going

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Speaker 9: to God about things. And he does go to God

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Speaker 9: about a lot of things. So the fact that he

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Speaker 9: gets these ideas or these downloads and he just runs

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Speaker 9: with it and his audacity is so admirable.

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Speaker 1: He's so.

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Speaker 9: It's not it's not easy at first for me, But

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Speaker 9: I trust God, and I trust to God in him,

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Speaker 9: and I trust that he hears from God. So even

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Speaker 9: though it's not easy, we're both all walking by faith.

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Speaker 2: How do you deal with the uneasiness at the women

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Speaker 2: that's sitting here listening to podcasts dating dreamers? What what's

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Speaker 2: on my what's on my wall?

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Speaker 3: In there? The what's what's on my name tag on

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Speaker 3: my office. I forget the visionary, the visionary.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so my name tag is the visionary on

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Speaker 2: my on my door when I got the studio years ago.

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Speaker 2: And so when you're married to a visionary, those that

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Speaker 2: them finances.

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Speaker 3: Go both ways.

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Speaker 2: At the end of the day, he's taking money out

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Speaker 2: the household to cast vision We on the other side

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Speaker 2: of the hindsight, being twin two, and he's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: sometimes it's hard, it's hard.

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Speaker 3: But how do you deal with it? How how do

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Speaker 3: you show up in that situation?

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Speaker 9: Prayer I knew all the time, like literally pray without ceasing.

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Speaker 9: You know. Sometimes I'll take time and I'll just meditate,

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Speaker 9: like Lord, this is really really hard. You see what's happening,

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Speaker 9: and you know that I can be a control freak

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Speaker 9: about the finances, and he knows that I could be

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Speaker 9: a control freak about the finances. And I'm not liking

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Speaker 9: how this is looking, but I know that you have

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Speaker 9: a plan. So I'm like, I asked God for the strength.

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Speaker 9: I ask God for wisdom as to how to address

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Speaker 9: him on certain things that I may be uncomfortable with.

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Speaker 9: And also I just ask for peace because the enemy

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Speaker 9: will try to come and you know, plant things in

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Speaker 9: my head, tell me things, show me things online, had

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Speaker 9: me compare my life to other people's life.

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Speaker 1: But you know, the.

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Speaker 9: Internet is not but you see it and when you're

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Speaker 9: feeling those feelings, it's kind of like, well, dag, but

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Speaker 9: you have to hold on to the promise that God

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Speaker 9: gave you. We have to hold onto his word and

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Speaker 9: you just gotta have turnal vision. But it wasn't easy

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Speaker 9: at first. It took years to develop that what project?

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Speaker 3: What project did y'all do?

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Speaker 2: That it failed and then made y'all have to have

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Speaker 2: a really come to Jesus conversation about how we need

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Speaker 2: to do life together.

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Speaker 1: Hmm, yeah, I don't really feel but maybe I was.

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Speaker 1: Will say some things took a little bit longer for it.

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Speaker 1: So the thing about me, when we were in premirial counseling,

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Speaker 1: I told my wife, you know, because finances was a thing.

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Speaker 1: She comes from a good family. I come from craziness, right,

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Speaker 1: so I was definitely a little more cavalier. I've never

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Speaker 1: been one for the preservation of money, right, That's just why.

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Speaker 1: And my wife promistration, Yeah, I'm going to spend it, right,

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Speaker 1: And my wife comes from. You know, she don't believe.

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Speaker 1: But I remember I said something. We have a conversation.

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm gonna put on a payment plan. She said,

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Speaker 1: I payment plan, like we don't like you don't. That's

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Speaker 1: not where she comes from, right, and me, I'm very

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Speaker 1: much like I'm going to make it happen, like I'm

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Speaker 1: going whatever it takes. So I think early on, so

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Speaker 1: in premier kinds the reason why I don't think we

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Speaker 1: really have a project that felt in premier council. I'll

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Speaker 1: let her know because I knew what a pain point was.

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Speaker 1: I said, hey, give me three years. I said, if

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Speaker 1: this doesn't take off in three years, I'll keep my

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Speaker 1: full time job going into it, but you know, I'll

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Speaker 1: let it go. I'm not going to allow my dream

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Speaker 1: to kind of interfere with our life or to hide

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Speaker 1: jack our finances. Right, So I said, give me three years.

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Speaker 1: And that was in premirital counseling. So funny thing after

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Speaker 1: we got married twenty eighteen, had a good job, you know,

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Speaker 1: six figures whatever the case may be, it was a

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Speaker 1: good job. Lost that job halfway into the first year

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Speaker 1: of marriage, really half way into the first year of marriage. Listen,

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Speaker 1: my wife. My wife is so sweet. She was now

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Speaker 1: sweet that she said, well, you gotta do something because

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Speaker 1: she was a working so she was like, you gotta

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Speaker 1: do something. So I'm like, all right, so I'm in

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Speaker 1: mind you. So I'm still like budding in my magazine

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Speaker 1: and all those other things. Like it hasn't yet where

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Speaker 1: I'm paying myself. It's like just you know, it's clothes,

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Speaker 1: but it ain't that closed. But so, you know, working

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Speaker 1: doing all the things, and then get a new job

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Twenty twenty happens and lose a new

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Speaker 1: job like three months in because they shut it all down,

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Speaker 1: the whole, the whole, the vision, the whole district exactly,

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Speaker 1: and just kind of started emerging because you know, money

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Speaker 1: just that and the third So I'm applying for jobs

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Speaker 1: that there I'm about to go on and you know,

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Speaker 1: she said, wait, mind you. This is my wife who

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Speaker 1: before marriage would worry about everything. She said, hey, don't

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Speaker 1: take that job interview. Why don't you just focus on

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Speaker 1: the business. You said that, she said, She said, when

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Speaker 1: you focus her zach words is when you focus on

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Speaker 1: the business, it thrives.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, I knew that. The business is what the lord

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Speaker 9: called him to do. And I knew that the gifts

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Speaker 9: and talents that he has directly connected to what he

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Speaker 9: was doing. And I know that your gifts will make

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Speaker 9: room for you. Yes, so when you stay in the

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Speaker 9: lane that God gives you with your gifts and your

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Speaker 9: talents to things that come natural to you.

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Speaker 4: Just it was just working.

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Speaker 3: So how did you switch that shortly?

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Speaker 2: The first time you like, you gotta do something, you

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Speaker 2: gotta do this, and then the next job you was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we trust God it that's a good question.

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Speaker 4: That's really a switch.

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Speaker 9: It was talking by faith because I knew I knew

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Speaker 9: what it was. But sometimes it takes time for your

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Speaker 9: feelings to catch up with you.

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Speaker 7: Yea.

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Speaker 4: So it was not an amazing.

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Speaker 1: And it worked out.

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Speaker 3: So how did you feel to hear her now say that?

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Speaker 1: I tell her all the time. So we every every anniversary,

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Speaker 1: we kind of kind of do a pre you know, world,

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Speaker 1: we waste this. And the third and one of the

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Speaker 1: things I said, so I said, I don't know, you

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Speaker 1: know how liberty it was. So I already would jump

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Speaker 1: through hoops free, but now it was just like oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: like it just took me up another notch, like oh,

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Speaker 1: We're definitely going to win because you know, I believe

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Speaker 1: we're two people in the I think the biggest thing

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Speaker 1: in marriage and we maybe get to it is agreement. Right.

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Speaker 1: I think it was three you know, blessings. That's when

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Speaker 1: God commands a blessing. So I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: division casting because that's I'm one hundred percent of visionary casting.

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Speaker 1: Vision was having my wife be like, not only do

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Speaker 1: I believe in you, but I believe in you so

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Speaker 1: much that I'm going to support you in any kind

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Speaker 1: of way, even if it means, you know, me putting

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Speaker 1: aside my worries because me putting aside my ants and

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Speaker 1: learning how to walk through their agreement.

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Speaker 2: Right, yea.

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Speaker 9: My parents, oh yeah, people are very involved in my life.

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Speaker 4: And when I told them.

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Speaker 3: You're talking about don't while you're.

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Speaker 4: Married, Yeah, very much.

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Speaker 9: When I told them it was getting ready to happen,

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Speaker 9: They're looking at me like I'm crazy, right, And you know,

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Speaker 9: life is happening, and you know, sometimes bills a short

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Speaker 9: help and I'm asking my parents for help, and after

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Speaker 9: some time they're just like, girl, something, you got to

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Speaker 9: do something else working, And I'm like, I hear you,

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Speaker 9: but we can't do that.

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Speaker 4: This is what God is calling us to. Either you

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Speaker 4: can help or you can't.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, So is there because I think that's interesting. I

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Speaker 6: know a lot of like entrepreneurs and people who are

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Speaker 6: working just to walk us through for people, is it

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Speaker 6: is it five years? Is it ten years? Is there

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Speaker 6: a time on?

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Speaker 4: Do you or how do you?

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Speaker 1: Do?

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Speaker 7: You get another job? If you can't pay your bills?

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Speaker 7: Do you let your family?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 6: Because I know we get so many messages from people

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Speaker 6: who are trying to navigate in a relationship because as

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Speaker 6: you know, like finances are one of the number one,

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Speaker 6: if not the number one cause of divorce, right, and

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Speaker 6: so people struggle with this every day. They're like I

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Speaker 6: heard from the Lord. I know this is the lane.

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Speaker 6: Is there a balance or do you just you just

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Speaker 6: trust out?

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Speaker 1: So I think I think trusting God is two things. Right. So,

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Speaker 1: like my wife said, are your gifts opening doors? Because

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Speaker 1: if they're not, you may not be gifted in that error, right,

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Speaker 1: So I think so intentionality is really good and being

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Speaker 1: like because sometimes baby, sometimes if you will be tripping

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Speaker 1: and be like no one wants to buy nobody, nobody

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Speaker 1: wants it, or you know, but I think the other

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Speaker 1: thing too is and this is the reason why in

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Speaker 1: premdal counseling I made that known. So I said, give

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Speaker 1: me three years if this is not profitable. I gave

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Speaker 1: because but that's how I always was. I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to hijack our finances for a dream because

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Speaker 1: guess what God called me to provide from my family.

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Speaker 1: God didn't respectfully if it's through the magazine, if it's

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Speaker 1: through me, great, But my number one goal before Adam

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Speaker 1: had Eve, he had a job. My job is to provide.

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Speaker 1: And I think to spoil my wife. Not just provide.

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Speaker 1: I think to spoil my wife. So for me, it

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Speaker 1: was I made sure from the gate that ego is checked. Hey,

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Speaker 1: if it don't work out, cool because the Lord will

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Speaker 1: make a way. There'll be there's other things, so we'll

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Speaker 1: be fine. Right. So I went into it with that.

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Speaker 1: After she gave me the nudge, I just to go

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Speaker 1: forward with it. It did start to like really take

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Speaker 1: off able to start paying I mean like in a

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Speaker 1: big way, so you know, paying myself to say a

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Speaker 1: third so much so where if I took another job,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't because I needed it. It was something that you know,

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Speaker 1: I cared about something I was invested in and if

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Speaker 1: it if it went away, it wasn't going to rack us. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like so much so so.

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Speaker 1: God has been so kind and so gracious in that regard.

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Speaker 1: But to be more specific about your question, I think

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Speaker 1: two things. Is your spouse on board. If they are not,

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Speaker 1: I think you got to take a little bit more time.

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Speaker 1: You gotta go a longer route. You might say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I was given this ten years. I might have to

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Speaker 1: go along because I gotta still work this full time

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Speaker 1: job until my spouse is actually at a point where

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Speaker 1: they're like, okay, I'm comfortable with you.

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Speaker 2: You're saying that in some people, like my spouse just

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Speaker 2: don't believe in me, I've married the wrong person because

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Speaker 2: you don't believe in me.

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Speaker 1: You married the person that you married, and so you listen,

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Speaker 1: I tell you listen. That's a whole other conversation. How

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Speaker 1: about get to know the person that you're gonna married.

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Speaker 1: Let's start there, because's a lot of people married to

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Speaker 1: people they don't know, and that's all. It opens a

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Speaker 1: whole nether can of words. But the one is the

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Speaker 1: one you chose. So you chose that person, and I

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Speaker 1: think you need to be the one is the one

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Speaker 1: you chose, right, But I think you also you have

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Speaker 1: to like marriage. There's no space in marriage for selfishness.

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Speaker 1: So as much as you want to do something, if

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Speaker 1: your spouse is not on board, you have to validate

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Speaker 1: her feelings. Me being a very black and white person,

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Speaker 1: that's something I had to learn and how to be

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Speaker 1: more gentle because I mean, because I could be like that, right,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm doing this, I'm doing this in

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Speaker 1: the third like it's easy for me to get there,

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Speaker 1: But I still have to validate how she feels, right,

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Speaker 1: because the last thing you want, nothing fels like success

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Speaker 1: is I'm being successful. My wife resents me yes, right.

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Speaker 1: So so again, actually to your point, I think is

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Speaker 1: your spouse on board? If not, they might need a

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Speaker 1: little bit more proof. Everybody can't walk by faith. That's

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Speaker 1: not everybody's not eybody's gifted this, So it's proof of concept,

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Speaker 1: all right. Let me show them a little bit more progress. Hey, bay,

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Speaker 1: let me show you where to check some balances. Hey

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Speaker 1: we made twelve percent more. Hey I sold this many more.

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Speaker 1: Hey we're getting this many more? Eyes? Can we can? We?

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Speaker 1: And then small things. Can I put this amount here?

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Speaker 1: I would ask my wife. I'm like, hey, this is

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Speaker 1: what I need to do. This is where I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to get. How much of our money? Are you comfortable

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Speaker 1: with us doing this? Right? Right? I'm like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: want to spend this. Are you cool with that? So

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Speaker 1: you start taking baby stuffs? And then when she starts

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Speaker 1: saying oh, she said, oh you okay? Right. So the

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Speaker 1: beautiful thing about my wife is she did start by

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Speaker 1: faith though, right. It was very much like, don't go

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Speaker 1: on that job interview, just just do the business right.

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Speaker 1: And at that time she was still working, so she

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Speaker 1: was still a teacher, and you know, so we were

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Speaker 1: you know, and I had other stuff like we were

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Speaker 1: we were we were doing okay, but it was it

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Speaker 1: wasn't thriving yet, you know what I mean. So I

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Speaker 1: think the two things A where's your spouse at that?

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Speaker 1: In that gap of how close are we to resolve?

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Speaker 1: How close are we to one? This in this dream

437
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,280
Speaker 1: that I feel like the Lord called me to? And

438
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,560
Speaker 1: then is it opening doors? Like are things happening? You know?

439
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 1: So when I respect and I'm not trying to brag

440
00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 1: or you know, be pompous, but when we see certain

441
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,320
Speaker 1: people inviting me, Like when I got invited to the

442
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,080
Speaker 1: White House and stuff like that, were like, okay, the

443
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: right people are noticing, right. So it's things like that

444
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 1: that I.

445
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 7: Think preface will make room for you and bring you before.

446
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 3: I had preface that White House invitation that was what, Oh.

447
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:25,240
Speaker 1: My goodness, that was what twenty four It was right before.

448
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 1: It was right before we came to Maryland, so it

449
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,480
Speaker 1: was twenty twenty three, so it was it was, yes,

450
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:31,640
Speaker 1: it was so that June it was the first time

451
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 1: that Juneteenth was going to be celebrated on the White

452
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,400
Speaker 1: House lawn and it was primarily a lot of black

453
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 1: media that was invited and one of the literally the

454
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 1: right hand uh to President Biden at that time for

455
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 1: his media staffage, Like they reached out just like, hey,

456
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,640
Speaker 1: we love your platform just sad in the third would

457
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,400
Speaker 1: you like to be a part of I'm like what absolutely?

458
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 1: At first, I was like, yo, is this real, like

459
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,639
Speaker 1: like a thing? And I told my wife and we

460
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 1: were kind of geeked. And then we started being invited

461
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,920
Speaker 1: to stuff. So we got invited to the Christmas the

462
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,159
Speaker 1: Vice President's reception and then the next year the president.

463
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,040
Speaker 1: So it was pretty amazing to be like, wow, like

464
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,199
Speaker 1: the right people are seeing because you know, I'm my

465
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:10,920
Speaker 1: own critic, and I'm like, my ambition like is way

466
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,160
Speaker 1: up there. So I'm like, if I'm not top three,

467
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,640
Speaker 1: I'm not where I need to be yet. So there's

468
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:16,680
Speaker 1: still a lot of room. But those things I think

469
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 1: helped us understand like, Okay, it's in the right direction

470
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,719
Speaker 1: and this is a God thing, because I think that's

471
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:23,160
Speaker 1: the other thing. People need to be honest. Everything that

472
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: we want God to bless God didn't tell us to do,

473
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,479
Speaker 1: and I think we like to over spiritualize everything, right.

474
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 1: We like to be like, oh, well, if I want

475
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 1: to do it is because God told me to do it.

476
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 1: Are you sure? You know? And one thing about me,

477
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 1: I'm not arrogant enough to believe that I understand my

478
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 1: own theology as much as I understand God's. So I'm

479
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 1: never going into this thing like oh yeah, I know

480
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: this is what God wants me to do. I'm constantly

481
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 1: going back and checking like, hey, hey Lord, be good.

482
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 1: We on the right track. And then you know, the

483
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 1: beautiful thing about my relationship with my father is that

484
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 1: he'll give me these little moments and I'm like, oh,

485
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 1: like you heard me, Like it makes me want to cry,

486
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:00,440
Speaker 1: Like I'm literally like wow, like you care about little

487
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,479
Speaker 1: mustard seed that you told me to go plant, and

488
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:05,680
Speaker 1: it's really becoming something bigger where it's not only taking

489
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 1: care of my family or my wife was able to

490
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 1: stay home with our children, which is a huge benefit, right,

491
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 1: and just survive off of this this this dream you

492
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: gave me, you know what I mean, Like we're able

493
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,120
Speaker 1: to literally live off of this seed that the Lord

494
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 1: gave me. And now you know, it's starting to be

495
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 1: able to feed other people too, and it is humbling

496
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: and it's beautiful. So that's that's what I would say.

497
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,040
Speaker 1: Make sure y'all on one accord and get as close

498
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 1: to that as possible as long as that takes. And

499
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,239
Speaker 1: then are are you are doors being open? Like are

500
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: things getting easier? Are you getting more access to the

501
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:34,879
Speaker 1: things in the direction? In the right direction?

502
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 2: And then the piggyback off you was talking about when

503
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 2: and just because it's successful, like you may find, Uh,

504
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 2: it grieves me when I see certain secular artists get

505
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,679
Speaker 2: on stage and say I like to thank God for this,

506
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 2: and I was like, none of your music going by God?

507
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,439
Speaker 2: It's everything against God. You talk about this that's in

508
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 2: this woman and right, and you're gonna say God, I said,

509
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 2: don't give me credit for somebody to take part in

510
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 2: on them like I wouldn't even even tell my my

511
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 2: my kids or whatever.

512
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 3: When they're posting certain videos.

513
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 2: I said, you're not representing me, right, if you're sitting

514
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 2: online and you posting certain stuff like that, don't sit

515
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 2: there and be saying, oh my, you know, my my, my,

516
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 2: my dad got me this camera and got don't I

517
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,160
Speaker 2: don't want to be attached to No.

518
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 3: I know I didn't do that.

519
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 1: I didn't for that.

520
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,440
Speaker 2: Give me this camera without you none, this be possible?

521
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 2: Oh no, hold on, Now that's what people be doing

522
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 2: and giving God credit. You'd be like, all your music

523
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 2: is anti Christ, so how you're gonna give Christ credit

524
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,640
Speaker 2: for it? And then certain people be like, because I've

525
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 2: talked to people, you know, my my nephew son, where

526
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 2: I'm talking to him about. You know, he may see

527
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,440
Speaker 2: certain people be successful they look up to as as

528
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 2: secular artists and be like, God to win it, bless them,

529
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:43,679
Speaker 2: God to win to God that money, I say, the

530
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 2: devil God gives to you. I'm saying, so, don't over

531
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 2: here be saying just because somebody got fancy cars and

532
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 2: big houses and selling.

533
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 3: Multiple albums or whatever, that is God in that.

534
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,880
Speaker 2: And just because they say that doesn't mean that God

535
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 2: did it, you know, And I say, so, be very

536
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 2: mindful of that.

537
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 1: And I think talent. I think sometimes we forget talent

538
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 1: and annoying is not the same. Somebody, somebody could just

539
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 1: be talented as something, so they made money, they made

540
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 1: the right connection set, and God has no part of

541
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 1: that at all. Right, And that's why I said nothing

542
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 1: fels like success, because that's we just had this conversation

543
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,400
Speaker 1: up here. I said, I don't want to do anything

544
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: successful if I didn't do it with God. That's scary.

545
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 1: Like I'd rather fall on my butt. I'd rather have

546
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 1: to go repair Like, No, I don't want to Extaldus

547
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:26,919
Speaker 1: thirty three says, Lord, do not send me if your

548
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: present does not go with me, because how would be

549
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 1: able to distinguish your people from them? I too fast, Lord,

550
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 1: do not send me if you do not go with me,

551
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,960
Speaker 1: for how would they be able to distinguish your people

552
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,400
Speaker 1: from them? I'm scared of success without God. I'm scared

553
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,960
Speaker 1: of it. I don't know, thank you, Like I want

554
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 1: to make sure Lord, when I get there, you already

555
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: you there already? Yes, right, because that's a scary thing

556
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: because again you and it's I think it's harder to

557
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: come back from because you, like whob was already successful,

558
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: already ain't made money?

559
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 3: Why would I.

560
00:23:56,680 --> 00:24:00,399
Speaker 1: You know, it's so much harder. So yeah, that's hears me.

561
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 1: I'd rather see the person feeling and like, hey, God

562
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: is with me than the person is there and think

563
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 1: God is with them.

564
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 2: I want to I want to take a couple of

565
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 2: steps from that, so so my audists can know who

566
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 2: are y'all? How did y'all meet each other? How long

567
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 2: y'all married? Are y'all even married?

568
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: Like?

569
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:15,199
Speaker 3: What is this?

570
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: So let's.

571
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 3: Wen told people that y'all married. I ain't told people

572
00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 3: nothing about y'all. We start talking about business and relationship

573
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 3: and all that. So we're gonna go step back. How

574
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 3: long y'all been married?

575
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 4: Eight years?

576
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 1: Yeah?

577
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 3: Check? Since you remember?

578
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 1: Yes, you don't want to be remember suching I reve all.

579
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 2: Eight years in February. I'll just celebrate eight years, all right,

580
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 2: So let's go back. How did y'all meet? Now?

581
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 3: What age where y'all when y'all.

582
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: Met, You want to tell a sertain baby, y'allo. So

583
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 1: it's so funny. So all right, let's go all the

584
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 1: way back because we so we've been together about twelve

585
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,480
Speaker 1: years now, right, so we quartered like four and a

586
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 1: half years before we got married.

587
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,840
Speaker 3: So you want everybody to notice, he said, accorded. That's

588
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 3: a different.

589
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,360
Speaker 1: Word today, very yeah, very different. So a mutual friend

590
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: of ours, he went to college undergrade with my wife,

591
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 1: and he invited me. We were living in the same area.

592
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:17,280
Speaker 1: He invited me to this Christian confer concert rap concert.

593
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 1: Christian rap concert artists named Praise One. I didn't even

594
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: know who Praise One was, but I love being around

595
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 1: other believers, so I was just like, yeah, sure, i'll go.

596
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:25,320
Speaker 1: So we go.

597
00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:27,359
Speaker 3: He's always been saving huh No.

598
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,400
Speaker 1: But the time you got no listen, I can still

599
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: make a mess like a food fight. No, I wish,

600
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: I wish no. So you know, but you know, in

601
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: my adult life, I've thrived or strived for righteousness. Let's

602
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: put it.

603
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 3: That's what age where y'all.

604
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 1: So when we met, I was twenty six, you were

605
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 1: twenty five. No, you were in your first masters Well.

606
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 4: You know what, you're right, yeah, her first masters.

607
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,679
Speaker 1: Then yeah she has two masters. Okay, yeah, yeah, right,

608
00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: that's gone. It was a yeah masters program.

609
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 7: What are your masters in?

610
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 9: So the first one is from Eastern University and it

611
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 9: is a Master of Urban Studies and Positive Youth Development.

612
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 9: And the second one is from Lincoln University and it's

613
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 9: in elementary Education with a concentration in special education.

614
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 7: I love that. I love that. Yeah, my masters is

615
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 7: in early childhood Development.

616
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 5: Yeah.

617
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: So so we go to this Christian rap concert and

618
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 1: Andrew introduces me to three women. I'm not going to

619
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:34,879
Speaker 1: say all their names, but he introduced me to the

620
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 1: first one, introduced me to the second one. Then he

621
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 1: introduced me to Naioka. Thinking anything of it, It's like, okay, hi,

622
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: nice to meet you, a blah. So, you know, having

623
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 1: a good time, and I was kind of checking out

624
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: the world first one he introduced me to, so you know,

625
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: we felt like we was just bobbing. But I was

626
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,680
Speaker 1: in that stage where I wasn't just going to like, hey,

627
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 1: let me get your number type of thing. Right. I

628
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 1: was very much in this state. I had just my

629
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 1: two books was the Bible and then I can date

630
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,879
Speaker 1: in Goodbye THO was the only I lived by those

631
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,159
Speaker 1: two books in my life, remember that book, Josh Harris, Like,

632
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,280
Speaker 1: I lived by those two books in this season in

633
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 1: my life. So this is context exactly. So it's just

634
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 1: for context. So after it was over, I hit Andrew.

635
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,640
Speaker 1: I said, hey, what's the deal with such and such,

636
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: Like what's her story? You know she really serious about

637
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: goh blah blah. He was like, oh, yeah, she's great

638
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: to send, you know, like see if there's you know,

639
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 1: any mutual interest or Senate third Andrew he ain't do nothing.

640
00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:20,960
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to follow up, like, hey, like did

641
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: you ever So he's like, oh, yeah, I forgot, but

642
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,679
Speaker 1: I will by this time the very next week. So

643
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: the very next week we met at another Christian rap concert.

644
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 1: So it's a true phrase one and in some locals.

645
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,120
Speaker 1: So this time she walks up and if you got

646
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,239
Speaker 1: to tell the other part of the story of the

647
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: first night we've met, because that's important. So the second time,

648
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 1: one week later, she walked up to me and says, so,

649
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: what do you do because I'm with a lot of

650
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,119
Speaker 1: artists and musicians and stuff like that, So she's assuming

651
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: maybe I'm I said, no, you know, I'm actually in

652
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 1: the process of trying to start my own magazine and

653
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,680
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah, and I'm just like, who's this

654
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: girl asking me these questions? Like she's gonna ask I

655
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: was like, why she asked me all these questions? You know,

656
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,679
Speaker 1: now I'm gonna pause, tell them why you did not

657
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: say anything to me the first time? But why you

658
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:05,400
Speaker 1: said something next week?

659
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 9: So I was at this concert because I was there

660
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 9: with my at the time boyfriend and he was a

661
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 9: musician with this rapper artist guy played the base and

662
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 9: I didn't say anything really to him because I was

663
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 9: in a relationship.

664
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:21,200
Speaker 1: But she thought it was fine.

665
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:25,120
Speaker 4: Though, Oh my god, who was this chocolate man?

666
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,399
Speaker 1: Had on? My little whalers jacket a little glass got

667
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: perfect vision? Yeah, I gotship. And then then by the

668
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 1: next week I got im.

669
00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:38,080
Speaker 3: Broke up by there.

670
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 9: Yeah, Actually we were on our way out. He wanted

671
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 9: to do something different with his life that didn't really

672
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,560
Speaker 9: match up with what I wanted for my future. So

673
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 9: he decided to break up with me, which was fine

674
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 9: because we was on again, off again all the time.

675
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 9: Like he would go on like these fasts and not

676
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 9: talk to me for like a month or two months,

677
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 9: and I'm just like, this is too inconsistent for me.

678
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 1: On fast from like just just don't from everything.

679
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 9: Nothing, And randomly I would get an email like hey,

680
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 9: a whole ball email. I'm like, okay, all right, this

681
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 9: is very different. And it was my first relationship. I

682
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 9: didn't start dating until I got to college, so I

683
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 9: didn't think that that's what I wanted for my life,

684
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 9: and I didn't know how that was going to materialize.

685
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 9: So I'm just glad that it ended the way that

686
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 9: it did. We don't have any of our feelings, but

687
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 9: don't talk anymore.

688
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 1: Greg God, I'm a center bottle of champagne because anyway.

689
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 3: Thank you very much.

690
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: So then social media, you know, we start following on

691
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: social media, and there was a Jesus Culture concert about

692
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 1: to happen Affilate at the Tower, and I'm hYP I

693
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: love Jesus Culture. At this time, I'm like I'm going.

694
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, who else is going? And she comment She's like, oh,

695
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 1: I'm going to be there, so I'm like great, she

696
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 1: ain't come.

697
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 9: So paper and I didn't finish my paper, and I wasn't.

698
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 3: I'm very studious. I don't complete myself.

699
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 1: But you noticed that we had a lot of mutual friends.

700
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:03,960
Speaker 1: We have a lot of mutual friends. So our friend Shanina,

701
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: she said, hey, what's the deal with you know dash?

702
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: Because people coming next? I ran track blah blah. So anyway,

703
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: and she's like, so she needed hit me up, like,

704
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 1: oh my girl not not feeling you. I'm like, who

705
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 1: is not? Not? Like? I didn't really remember her name,

706
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 1: and so I was like, let me go see who

707
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: this person is. So I looked at her pictures and

708
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,880
Speaker 1: I came to this one picture. I said, oh, that

709
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: thing behind her? Okay, all right, I said, all right.

710
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: So I said, but before I do that, because again

711
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,479
Speaker 1: reading this book, I don't believe in dating people multiple

712
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 1: people at one time. I know people tell you to

713
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 1: go crazy. That just wasn't me, and it wasn't It

714
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: wasn't good for my temperament, if I'm being honest. So

715
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 1: I was like, I ain't gonna play myself like that

716
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:39,479
Speaker 1: cause I was at that time. I was like, really,

717
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 1: and we'll talk about like the very first conversation that

718
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: me and my wife had, I was just like, yo,

719
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 1: I'm waiting till marriage for sex. If you're not waiting,

720
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: there's no point of us talking. She was like, bye, boy,

721
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 1: I'm still a version. I was like, okay, cool, like

722
00:30:49,120 --> 00:30:51,719
Speaker 1: we're on the same page. But anyway, so before before

723
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,120
Speaker 1: I responded to Shanina about us maybe talking, I went

724
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,600
Speaker 1: back to Andrew one more time. I said, yo, you

725
00:30:57,600 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 1: thought you.

726
00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 3: Were doing something about if you not.

727
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm the one with a kid.

728
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 2: Already, all right, my standards, my standards, not sleeping.

729
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 3: Nobody.

730
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: Did you know that I'm not. But I didn't say

731
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: that I was. I was feeling myself, so you know.

732
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: So anyway, I reached out to Andrew and he was like, oh, no,

733
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 1: I mentioned it, but they said that. I said, all right,

734
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. You know, I'm a It's all good.

735
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: So I hit shanein. I said, hey, I don't believe in,

736
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: I said, I'll talk to her. I said, but I

737
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:35,719
Speaker 1: don't believe in going on days one on one when

738
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 1: I first meet somebody has to be You was like

739
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: that when I say this book was my bible, this

740
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: was my I was like, yeah, I was. I was like,

741
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: I'm not. I was like, I'm not doing one on

742
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: one the first time. I said, it needs to be

743
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: a group. So it was like supposed to be like

744
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 1: nine of us. Everybody dropped out, so she wounded up

745
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: having to bring one of her college friends. And we

746
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: were seeing my friend Kneita was performing at Warm Daddy,

747
00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 1: so we went. I was already there and her friend

748
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: came and I was just like, yo, she's really pretty.

749
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,320
Speaker 1: So I already again already because she was cute. And

750
00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: first conversation that we had, I was like, I know

751
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: there's something special about her, like I know it from

752
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: the rip. I think I was still in my self

753
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: sabotaged days or I was just like, I don't know that.

754
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 1: And the third because I knew it was either she

755
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 1: was going to be something in my life. I just

756
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: knew it, but I was doing so much, trying to

757
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: start business. All the things I definitely in my mom

758
00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: was self sabotaged and a little bit if I'm being honest,

759
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,719
Speaker 1: but yeah, so anybody. So that's how I met. And

760
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 1: then five months later I asked her if I could

761
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 1: court her exclusively, and she was crazy enough to say yes.

762
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 3: So why so what was it about her?

763
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 2: And you admitted that you were in yourself sabotage days,

764
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 2: which is very important because a lot of people men

765
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 2: and women will meet somebody that they believe that there's

766
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 2: a future with can build it, and your.

767
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 3: Own self is like trying to sabotage person.

768
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 1: I love that you asked that, and my wife probably

769
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 1: remembers what I always say. I tell people, do not

770
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: decide to be with somebody until you find out that

771
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: they're crazy. So I found out that my wife was crazy.

772
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 1: She was over my house and we got into an argument.

773
00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,760
Speaker 1: I was just like, man, you can leave, and she

774
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not leaving. She was walking up and

775
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:03,440
Speaker 1: down studs, praying and talking in tongues and all this

776
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: other stuff I'm and I was just like, all right,

777
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,160
Speaker 1: whatever because I'm very introverted by I'm also like stubborn,

778
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 1: so I was like whatever. So you know, she was

779
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: just like she was just like, you just did it,

780
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 1: but I'm not going to blah blah. So she was

781
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: just saying all her things, doing her things. So when

782
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 1: she eventually left, you know, I prayed, and you know,

783
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 1: I realized I was wrong, and I called her later.

784
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 1: I said, yo, like I was wrong. I repent and

785
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,800
Speaker 1: asked for you know, apology and just standing third. But

786
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: it was then I was just like if you don't.

787
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,640
Speaker 1: I think most people move because they like somebody. I

788
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: think you shouldn't move until you find out what you

789
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 1: dislike about somebody. Is that the level of crazy that

790
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 1: you can deal with? Right? And most people don't do that.

791
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: It's like, oh I do like them, there stole this

792
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 1: or great? Have you seen him in enough where you

793
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: know what you dislike? And I realized you know certain

794
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: stuff that I did dislike. And she was kind of crazy.

795
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 3: So why would you? Why would you? Why would you walking, pacing, praying, speaking.

796
00:33:54,840 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 1: And she was house Yeah, she was paying, speaking.

797
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 9: Like I got a good thing in front of him,

798
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 9: and you're basically pushing me.

799
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,800
Speaker 1: Out, she said, She said, you're pushing me.

800
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 4: Stop being crazy. I need you to know that this

801
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 4: is your good thing. I felt called to this man.

802
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:18,919
Speaker 1: Yeah I did.

803
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 9: I felt called to him. And my friends would look

804
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 9: at me like I was crazy.

805
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: When I didn't have a car, I didn't have a

806
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,040
Speaker 1: driver's license, didn't have a driver license, didn't have a

807
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: driver's license.

808
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 4: No, wait, you had your driver's license.

809
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: I think I No, I got it afterwards, after I

810
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:33,640
Speaker 1: scratched up the car.

811
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 7: I got it after No, you did.

812
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 3: You're right, right, right?

813
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: Because we got good by I didn't have a car yet.

814
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: I had just got my driver's license that year, so

815
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:42,840
Speaker 1: I was like twenty six when I got my driver's license.

816
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:43,239
Speaker 3: And who car?

817
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 1: You? A friend of mine?

818
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 4: His mentor?

819
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, one of my mentors.

820
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,759
Speaker 4: But what's really cool about it about it?

821
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:51,840
Speaker 1: All? Right? Manda was a mercede and he was just

822
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: like just a car, Like, it's just a car. But

823
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: you're right, I didn't have to drive, but I didn't,

824
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 1: you know, so I didn't. So you know, people have

825
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,879
Speaker 1: stuff to say, why you with the got you got

826
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 1: to drive him around? Blah blah blah, continue.

827
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 9: Baby, Yeah, and sometimes I questioned it too, But the

828
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 9: closer we got, the more I got to know him,

829
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,399
Speaker 9: it was just like the Lord was just like, this

830
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 9: is your husband, and I'm a need for you to

831
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,879
Speaker 9: just just just be patient with him. Be patient with him.

832
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 9: He got some things that he needs to grow from

833
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 9: and change, and you're going to help him.

834
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 4: So that's what happened up happening.

835
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 1: But I'm not Usually my first impressions with me aren't

836
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,680
Speaker 1: always crown. It's either you love me or you dislike it.

837
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:36,000
Speaker 1: But you eventually be like, oh, he's he's the sweetest,

838
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 1: most social person. But it takes it. It does take

839
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: some time to I'm very black and white. I'm just

840
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 1: very pedantic, and I think buttic purdantic, so I'm just yeah,

841
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: it essentially means that you are you are as black

842
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 1: as white as possible as like yes is yes, no,

843
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 1: it's no, like I don't there's no grace for me right,

844
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 1: and I function that way and everything, so I think

845
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 1: because and I'm confident, so people just you know, it's

846
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 1: easy to rub people the wrong way when at first

847
00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: mean they're like, oh, he's a no it all or

848
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,479
Speaker 1: whatever the case be, stuff like that.

849
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,800
Speaker 9: And then when we first met or during our dating period,

850
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,879
Speaker 9: there were a lot of changes that were happening with me,

851
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 9: not so much inside but outside because you talked. We

852
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 9: talked about earlier how he didn't like the way that

853
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 9: I dressed when we first met, so he was like

854
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 9: buying me clothes, and I'm like, okay, cool. I never

855
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 9: had anybody dressing me before, so some of the clothes

856
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 9: that I was wearing was different than what I normally wore.

857
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,799
Speaker 1: My wife she got a body, and she didn't say

858
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:33,200
Speaker 1: it with modest I'm like, I thought, I thought the

859
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:34,840
Speaker 1: whole modesty nonsense was crazy.

860
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 9: I'm like, you're alosed, and they would call me like, hey, girl,

861
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 9: to make sure that man not trying to change you.

862
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,239
Speaker 9: I need you to be yourself. I need you to

863
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 9: just make sure that your voice is being heard at

864
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 9: all the time. And I'm just like, Okay, I get it.

865
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 9: But I feel like I'm in a transitional point in

866
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 9: my life because I was approaching my thirties. So I

867
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:57,880
Speaker 9: don't think there's anything wrong with a little bit of change.

868
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,399
Speaker 9: So getting the scrutiny from other people was a lot.

869
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:08,640
Speaker 9: Feeling the feelings that I had with his strong personality,

870
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:13,040
Speaker 9: but knowing that I feel like I'm called to this man,

871
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:16,680
Speaker 9: and just sitting in it. Yeah, it was a lot,

872
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 9: but I'm really grateful for it.

873
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 2: You gotta think about even that, how that was even

874
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 2: a long time, Like when you really look at the

875
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 2: five months, and so now we're going to go to

876
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 2: five months. What happened after that fifth month where you

877
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,799
Speaker 2: just said five months? She was like this is her

878
00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 2: and she sees a side of you that she says

879
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 2: that I wasn't even sure that he liked me.

880
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 3: What did you What was.

881
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 2: Going on with your mind and your heart and that

882
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 2: made you articulate. However, you articulated her to give her

883
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 2: a different vantage point.

884
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 1: So I think it was. I know, one of the

885
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: things she always says that I was intentional from the jump,

886
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 1: so I kind of let her know I'm not just

887
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 1: trying to date around it. This was you know, this

888
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: was going to be a thing where it was either

889
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: you know, we pack up and say hey, this this

890
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,480
Speaker 1: isn't working, or that we move forward as you know,

891
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,640
Speaker 1: as a couple. Because again, we liked each other. He

892
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,279
Speaker 1: was hugging. We was hanging out a lot, like we

893
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 1: would be up to two three in the morning the car,

894
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 1: just talking, huh hugging.

895
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just hugging.

896
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: I just yeah, yeah, yeah, Like you know, so like

897
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: we were there super saying yeah, not hunching, hugging, like yeah,

898
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 1: we were like she kissed me first and I was

899
00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,359
Speaker 1: and I told her that was a problem. I was like, yeah,

900
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: you can't be doing that.

901
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,279
Speaker 3: But it was kissing until y'all got married.

902
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: No, No, I think that's I know some people, but

903
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: that wasn't my that's not my testimony. But yeah, so anyway,

904
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 1: so like we we were, we were there was moments

905
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: like where I think she knew I was into her

906
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 1: at least found her attractive and stuff like that, and

907
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:43,480
Speaker 1: we talked a lot, like we talked a lot, so

908
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 1: I think it was just more that I was never

909
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 1: it was never like I'm again, I was not trying

910
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,480
Speaker 1: to impress her like I said it before. I wasn't

911
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:51,919
Speaker 1: trying to get her to like me. I was trying

912
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: to get her to know me. And then once you

913
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: know me, if this is if this is your brand

914
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 1: of coffee, because I am an acquired chase, it does.

915
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 1: I am not always easy to love. My wife is

916
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: so easy to love, like she's just wanted the sweetest people, right,

917
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: So it's it's kind of that. So when I asked her, hey,

918
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 1: you know, I want to court you exclusively, like are

919
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: you cool with that? I think that also was just

920
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: added like he's again being intentional.

921
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 2: So what was your response? He said, I want to

922
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 2: court you exclusively? What do you would you allow me that?

923
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 2: What do you remember we.

924
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:24,760
Speaker 1: Were at dinner, Let's do this, Yeah, because.

925
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 9: You already Because I'm a very committed person, I have

926
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 9: a lot of stick to itiveness. I don't really get

927
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 9: rid of my friends easily. You have to really do

928
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 9: something terrible to me for me to like let you go,

929
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,439
Speaker 9: and like I told you, I felt called to this man.

930
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 4: So I was just like.

931
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 1: And we never woke up, like we always talk about,

932
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 1: like but yeah, and then you know, we just never

933
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 1: broke up. So, you know, a couple of years and

934
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:55,839
Speaker 1: you know, we started talking about premieral counseling and things

935
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:58,040
Speaker 1: like that, and then we went through premier to counseling.

936
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 1: And again, because I'm a recovering profect, I wanted, like

937
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 1: people used to get on her, like why is it

938
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 1: taking so long? The third it was, it was it

939
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 1: was weird, But it took four years to get married, right, yes,

940
00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 1: so it was four yeah, four and some change and

941
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 1: but a lot of stuff happened though. So the year

942
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,840
Speaker 1: the year before that, I lost my mother. So literally

943
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:17,320
Speaker 1: the year.

944
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 3: Time of year before you got married, y'all correct.

945
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: So the year I proposed, I lost my mother that January.

946
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: I proposed that September, So you know, so there's that's

947
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 1: a whole other monks. But also respectfully, like, I'm not

948
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: a cheap guy. So I knew two things. I knew

949
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: I wanted to put her in the house, and I

950
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 1: knew I wanted to get her a good ring, and

951
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:36,399
Speaker 1: so I spent months just going around finding out what's

952
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 1: the quality diamond right, right? And I found out a

953
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,560
Speaker 1: lot of this stuff that people have was crap. I

954
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: was like, oh, you're going to k jeweler, like that's

955
00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: gallery that's not a good diamond. You got s one

956
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 1: that's not a good diamond. You got princess cut that

957
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: ain't a good diamond. So it narrowed it down to

958
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: two places, even Tiffany's or Hearts on fire. So it

959
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: was going to cost some money, right, So duse are

960
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 1: things that because I'm a planner that I'm like, I

961
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: don't care because the other thing I always say to people,

962
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,160
Speaker 1: forever is a lot longer than four years. And one

963
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: of the things, one of the claims of thing for

964
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: us is unfortunately we've been even long enough. We we're

965
00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 1: in that season. We went to the first year we

966
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: were together, we went to like twelve weddings in the

967
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 1: calendar year, twelve and one one calendar year. Half of

968
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 1: them are divorced. Now, oh wow, half of them are divorced, right, yeah,

969
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 1: And you know, and I think one of the things

970
00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 1: with me and my wife look back on is like

971
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:27,959
Speaker 1: when I say, like, this is like this is my dog,

972
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 1: like this is like I like her, like I like

973
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: being around her. Like I'm an introvert. I enjoyed my

974
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: own company. I really only company I enjoyed more than

975
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 1: my own is my wife's, Like I truly enjoy her company. Right,

976
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: So when we look back, she's seen me in those

977
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: four years. She seen me lose a job, She's seen

978
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: me burn through credit cards. She's my wife was so sweet.

979
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 1: I remember she because she knows I'm an introverse. So

980
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 1: and I was working in retail, so I was in

981
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 1: retail management, so I have to be extroverts. I'm burnt

982
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 1: out when I get home. So she would come over

983
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,000
Speaker 1: and just I remember she came over. She just put

984
00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:58,280
Speaker 1: groceries to my fridge and left like that's it, just

985
00:41:58,520 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: and just left.

986
00:41:59,480 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 3: Right.

987
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:01,400
Speaker 1: So it was stuff like that that she was doing.

988
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,959
Speaker 1: I'm just like, yo, like like I'm this girl gonna

989
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 1: get everything when this blow, she gonna get everything. But

990
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,319
Speaker 1: you know, so anyway, so it was it was. It

991
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 1: was a lot of that. But we had those four years.

992
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: We got a chance to really experience each other. So

993
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 1: in marriage, there's really nothing that can throw nothing like,

994
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 1: you know, she knows my proclivity, she knows my you know,

995
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 1: my error, and I can communicate and be vulnerable with

996
00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 1: those things. Hey I'm feeling this way. Hey, I'm feeling

997
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: this way. Hey, Just like I can do those things,

998
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 1: and I learned how to communicate my emotions, especially in

999
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 1: premier counseling, just like, hey, that hurt my feelings. I

1000
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: don't like when you do that. Right, So all those things,

1001
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: So we have four years of that. Most people don't

1002
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:40,520
Speaker 1: have that, So.

1003
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:42,040
Speaker 7: Four years courting?

1004
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 3: Correct?

1005
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,520
Speaker 7: Did you at any point in time?

1006
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you feel that way? Baby?

1007
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 2: You got a whole lot of calls, your friends tilled

1008
00:42:51,560 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 2: about white. You take so long, it's four years in amazing.

1009
00:42:54,960 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 9: So I knew that he was a planner, and I

1010
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,359
Speaker 9: knew that he was getting his stuff together. I knew

1011
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 9: what was happening soon, like right before it happened. I

1012
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 9: didn't know exactly when it was going to happen, but

1013
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 9: I knew it was happening soon, and I could be

1014
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 9: a patient person. So I was just like, Okay, it's

1015
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 9: taken a long for y'all. But she said no, because

1016
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 9: we were like we were hanging out, were traveling.

1017
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 4: We had a lot of experiences, so I mean no.

1018
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,239
Speaker 1: And we were having experiences that you know, like I'm

1019
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 1: gonna hopeless romantic. So every birthday, you know, I was

1020
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: doing something that you know that show her like, oh,

1021
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 1: I'm we locked in. You know, a helicopters, how air

1022
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 1: balloon rods like we're doing you know, surprise birthday parties

1023
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 1: like all the things like so like she knows like, oh,

1024
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 1: I'm locked in. I'm committed. It's just an.

1025
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 6: Outside But so you already had a kid, correct, which

1026
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:42,760
Speaker 6: means that you weren't a virgin.

1027
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: Correct.

1028
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 7: So four years I know, I know, but four years

1029
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,360
Speaker 7: did that. I'm just trying to figure.

1030
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 6: So it didn't feel like a lot you're being intimate,

1031
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 6: Well hold on real quick, because it's like you're being intimate,

1032
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 6: you're getting to know someone, you're falling for someone. So

1033
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:01,719
Speaker 6: what was that process like of just being like, look,

1034
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 6: I'm this close to you, but I'm not gonna touch that.

1035
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: I love that. So two things the things I used

1036
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 1: to always say when we were hugging and kissing and

1037
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 1: hot and bothered. I used to say, I want to

1038
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 1: present your faultless and blameless before the Lord and sometimes

1039
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: she'd be like, oh whatever, and then you know, sometimes

1040
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, you gotta get away from me.

1041
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:20,799
Speaker 1: But this is what I always tell people. You don't

1042
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: have to love somebody to have sex with them. You

1043
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 1: can go bet a stranger. You have to love them

1044
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 1: not to And for me, it was like, I love

1045
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,439
Speaker 1: you enough that I want to present your faults blames

1046
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 1: me for the Lord. So I'm not gonna do that, right,

1047
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,600
Speaker 1: I'm just I refuse Like I was, just like I

1048
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 1: was dead set, and the closer we got, the easier

1049
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:38,840
Speaker 1: it became. Before you know, before I was sure like

1050
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:40,360
Speaker 1: I loved her and stuff like that, it might have

1051
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: been a little harder. I might have thought about it,

1052
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:43,960
Speaker 1: might have wanted to. But the closer we got, the

1053
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 1: easier it became. And I think because I think most

1054
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: of men, a lot of stuff is mental, is fantasy,

1055
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 1: is all the other things, especially if you grew up

1056
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 1: like I did, you know, you know, early encounters with

1057
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: sex and foreign and all those different things, so you

1058
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 1: kind of have that. And I think, but once you

1059
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,839
Speaker 1: humanized a person, it's hard to look at them that way.

1060
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,360
Speaker 1: And so because the way my wife carried herself, the

1061
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 1: way that she treated me the way she treated other people,

1062
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: it was easier to kind of like, nah, like I'm

1063
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:12,839
Speaker 1: just I'm not even going to play that, especially because

1064
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:16,240
Speaker 1: I knew, like I was sharing earlier, before premial counseling,

1065
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: I knew I wanted to marry her. It was not

1066
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 1: until after premier council I knew I was going to

1067
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 1: marry her. So it was just like, hey, I'm going

1068
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:24,560
Speaker 1: to I'm not messing this up because I want to

1069
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:26,919
Speaker 1: make sure that that's that's part of our testimony, right,

1070
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: and I have a kid and we're raising our kids

1071
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,399
Speaker 1: that way, right, So those things just meant a little

1072
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,719
Speaker 1: bit more to me. So it was easier for my

1073
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: conviction to override my feelings because listen, she fine, So

1074
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 1: you know, listen, I've been looking listen, you know, so

1075
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 1: you know it wasn't yeah, so but it was, like

1076
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:46,799
Speaker 1: I said, it became easy because I'm like, yo, I

1077
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:49,400
Speaker 1: really love her. Yeah, so it became easier.

1078
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 3: So y'all got married. You were what thirty one, thirty two?

1079
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 1: So I was thirty one, she was thirty correct, Yeah, yep, exactly.

1080
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 3: You're thirty one and thirty ye y'all were young.

1081
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,879
Speaker 2: What did anybody tell y'all, y'all were getting married too young,

1082
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 2: even though you tell y'all to hurry up.

1083
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 9: No, it was very much I'm glad y'all get married

1084
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,279
Speaker 9: now because it's a long time.

1085
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: And that was only from her camp. My camp was

1086
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: was cool because I had a lot of older people.

1087
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 4: They were cool. I think they just kept their opinions

1088
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 4: to themselves. They know who you are. I think that's

1089
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 4: really what it was. We're not just going to say anything.

1090
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 1: Sure, that is true, because people listen tell me that

1091
00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: I have no I don't have Yeah, I don't have

1092
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: a passive bone in my body. So you know about

1093
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 1: the spirit feeld tomperments very polaric. Yeah, so that is true.

1094
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 1: But I will say but I've talked to people about

1095
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: even even before I said yes about even talking to Na,

1096
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 1: I had a lot of mutual friends that we kind

1097
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:43,719
Speaker 1: of skipped over that they knew her again. So like

1098
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: one of my closest friends who are now our son's godfather,

1099
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 1: they went to undergrad together. My other friend who was

1100
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: the best man in my wedding, they worked together at

1101
00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: a nonprofit. I had a really close female friend that

1102
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 1: also went to school, and I asked them all about her, like, hey,

1103
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: what's the deal with this person that they're And it

1104
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 1: was consistent. Everybody said the same things about Nyoka. Everybody

1105
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: said the same exact things. That's why I knew. I

1106
00:47:03,800 --> 00:47:06,760
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, her character is consistent. Who she is consistent,

1107
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 1: and it's you know, so it just it just became easier.

1108
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: But I think I think because I'm not passive. One

1109
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 1: of the things that I think we talked about my

1110
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 1: wife would I think she went through life kind of

1111
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: like where people just thought she was like the model

1112
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: Christian girl and then you get married and I'm calling

1113
00:47:24,719 --> 00:47:26,960
Speaker 1: you all stuff and she's like, ain't nobody ever told

1114
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: me this? So when I'm telling you that you selfish,

1115
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 1: are you being self right? Seal or judgmental or lazy?

1116
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 1: She ain't nobody ever told me these things. But you

1117
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: can't hide in marriage. So but anyway, so all those things,

1118
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: we've seen each other for four years, like we knew

1119
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: each other. So when we was at Altar, we knew

1120
00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 1: we was marrying, you know, So I think those four

1121
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 1: years was a blessing. And you know, now we like

1122
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,040
Speaker 1: there's no deal breakers, like we we locked in.

1123
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 3: Like, so, how was Nyoka this co parenting situation.

1124
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 9: Co parenting has been such a journey for me. It's

1125
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 9: better now, but it was hard in the beginning. I

1126
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 9: grew up in a Jamaican home and there is a

1127
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 9: certain style of parenting that I'm accustomed to and very

1128
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:17,879
Speaker 9: familiar with, and my husband is on the opposite side

1129
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 9: of that spectrum. So finding the balance between the two

1130
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 9: was a challenge. It challenged my patients in some areas

1131
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 9: because that's I said. I tend to be patient, but

1132
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:35,919
Speaker 9: with this, please do what I said to do. Please, please,

1133
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:36,759
Speaker 9: don't talk back to me.

1134
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 1: Please do it.

1135
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 9: The first time. Let's not I'm not repeating myself. So

1136
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 9: I had to learn how to communicate. He taught me

1137
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 9: a lot of things. After a while, when I saw

1138
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 9: things were not working, he would just coach me. He

1139
00:48:55,280 --> 00:49:00,799
Speaker 9: would tell me, like, go sit with her, just room,

1140
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 9: ask her how her day was. Have regular conversation because

1141
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:06,720
Speaker 9: a lot of our conversations were just like do this.

1142
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:07,040
Speaker 4: Do that?

1143
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 3: Do your first daughter correct?

1144
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, do this, do that? A lot of commands.

1145
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:13,879
Speaker 1: And she's just like her father. So she had two

1146
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 1: in the house.

1147
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 9: Yes, just like them, Yes, carbon copy. She is a

1148
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 9: little softer because she's female, but yes, they are the

1149
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 9: same person.

1150
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1151
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 9: He I just had to learn how to apologize, he

1152
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 9: would tell me, because I didn't do that very much.

1153
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,759
Speaker 9: We just had to learn how to communicate a little

1154
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:49,879
Speaker 9: bit better. I met her when she was eight years

1155
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 9: old and that was cool. And then there was a

1156
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 9: four year blip where we didn't see each other. And

1157
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 9: then she came back when he got custody, and we

1158
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 9: told you guys earlier that I became a mom of two.

1159
00:50:02,640 --> 00:50:06,479
Speaker 9: Like at the same time, she wasn't really happy about

1160
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:09,640
Speaker 9: the baby coming because she just got back with her dad,

1161
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:13,120
Speaker 9: you know, And I was excited, and I was just like,

1162
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 9: why can't this kid be excited?

1163
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 4: Like I just don't get it.

1164
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:18,759
Speaker 9: But I'm not understanding that she's dealing with her own

1165
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,840
Speaker 9: perspective of her story and I don't know her story.

1166
00:50:22,840 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 4: He knows the story, but I don't know the story.

1167
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:26,839
Speaker 9: So I'm just like I can't get through to her,

1168
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 9: like we're bumping heads. I want her to respect me

1169
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 9: as a parent, but in order to get the respect,

1170
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 9: you have to earn it, and I didn't know how

1171
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 9: to earn it because, like I told you, Caribbean parents

1172
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 9: do what I said, because I'm grown and you're a child,

1173
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 9: you know, so I had to soften up in a.

1174
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:45,360
Speaker 4: Lot of areas.

1175
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 9: And I think, I think now i'm better.

1176
00:50:49,239 --> 00:51:05,920
Speaker 2: I'm Caribbean that.

1177
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,919
Speaker 1: Because I grew up and I grew up that way too,

1178
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 1: But I just have a very different, you know, perspective

1179
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 1: on parenting. And I think the other thing too that

1180
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:11,760
Speaker 1: my wife mentioned during this this season, you know again

1181
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 1: she's praying it. And we just got full custody of

1182
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:18,479
Speaker 1: a thirteen year old, right, so fourteen right, fourteen year old,

1183
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 1: So it's a different dynamic. But also my wife wanted

1184
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 1: to make sure that she never felt like she was

1185
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 1: trying to replace her mom. Yeah, so you want to speak.

1186
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,720
Speaker 2: To that a little bit around that she was sixteen,

1187
00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:31,840
Speaker 2: So I got full customed my daughter at sixteen.

1188
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:33,319
Speaker 3: So you say you want to speak up, to speak

1189
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 3: to you, to speak to that part.

1190
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:36,799
Speaker 1: And I know that was a lot of the attension too,

1191
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 1: of like, well, I don't know how much parents are

1192
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:40,800
Speaker 1: or what or where they want.

1193
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 9: To overstep my boundaries because her mom is very present

1194
00:51:43,160 --> 00:51:45,840
Speaker 9: in her life, and I wanted her to know that

1195
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:49,840
Speaker 9: I respect your mother, I respect y'all's relationship, and I

1196
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 9: respect it. That's that's the other part I got to

1197
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,400
Speaker 9: talk about. I respect the relationship that you have with

1198
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 9: your father, but I want to feel like a part

1199
00:51:57,160 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 9: of your life as well. And I don't think that

1200
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 9: I felt that initially, and I don't think she let

1201
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 9: me be a part of her life initially in the

1202
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:06,239
Speaker 9: way that I was expecting it. And it took time

1203
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,520
Speaker 9: for that, because, like I said, I have to earn

1204
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:09,040
Speaker 9: the respect.

1205
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 4: We have to build a relationships.

1206
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: It was a lot of communicating this way. They both

1207
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:13,839
Speaker 1: wanted the same things sitting know how to communicate it.

1208
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: They were literally both asking for the same thing. My

1209
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 1: daughter wanted to feel like she was initiating, my wife

1210
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,160
Speaker 1: wanted to feel like she was letting her in, and

1211
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 1: they were just they were just going like this this

1212
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 1: entire time.

1213
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 4: And then the other part of that was I wanted.

1214
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 9: They have a really tight relationship. And a lot of

1215
00:52:31,600 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 9: times I felt like the third wheel. I felt like

1216
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 9: I didn't have a place and I didn't know where

1217
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 9: to place myself. Like he would just say, just jump in,

1218
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,399
Speaker 9: and I'm just like, but y'all got this thing going on.

1219
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,440
Speaker 9: I don't really know how to do it. Y'all got

1220
00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,240
Speaker 9: a lot of common interests. Y'all be talking, nerd talking,

1221
00:52:47,400 --> 00:52:51,160
Speaker 9: and I don't do all of that. Yeah, so I

1222
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 9: didn't know how to fit in. But I don't think

1223
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:56,360
Speaker 9: it was necessarily me having to fit in. It's me

1224
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 9: forming my own relationship so that we have our own

1225
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 9: bind situation.

1226
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's how it is now. My daughter would

1227
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:04,480
Speaker 1: just call her, you know, and they'll be talking or

1228
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:07,200
Speaker 1: ask her advice and all the things. Like my wife

1229
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 1: did such a great job of that. And you know,

1230
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 1: being a parent of two, especially somebody else's child at

1231
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:14,640
Speaker 1: the same time, it took a lot of work.

1232
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 9: And I didn't realize that at a certain point, I

1233
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 9: was experiencing jealousy, Like I was very jealous of their

1234
00:53:20,600 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 9: relationship because I wanted to be a part of it.

1235
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 9: And he would tell me. He'd be like, how are

1236
00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:27,080
Speaker 9: you jealous of a fourteen year old? And I'm just like,

1237
00:53:28,239 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 9: I'm not.

1238
00:53:28,640 --> 00:53:31,560
Speaker 4: Jealous, but I am.

1239
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 9: But I didn't have a name for it, and I

1240
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:35,720
Speaker 9: didn't really know what that looked like in that situation

1241
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 9: because I had never experienced it.

1242
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 4: I come from a two parent home. There's no like,

1243
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.

1244
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,560
Speaker 9: So I had to come to terms with that and

1245
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:45,000
Speaker 9: really just accept it. And that's how I was able

1246
00:53:45,040 --> 00:53:47,719
Speaker 9: to move past it by doing the things that he suggested.

1247
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:49,839
Speaker 9: So I learned a lot of my parenting from him,

1248
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 9: which is a blessing.

1249
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,319
Speaker 6: But I commend you for saying that, because I know

1250
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 6: a lot of women who haven't been married. That's one

1251
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,279
Speaker 6: of the things or the reasons that they won't date

1252
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:01,880
Speaker 6: a man that has kids. Don't necessarily say it, but

1253
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:03,759
Speaker 6: a part of it is like I don't really want

1254
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 6: to be competing, right or I don't like whatever that

1255
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:10,120
Speaker 6: dynamic is. It does add a layer of complexity. So

1256
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 6: for you stepping into that and fully loving him, I

1257
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 6: think that's a really really beautiful thing.

1258
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, so did that change? How did let's start? Let's

1259
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:22,839
Speaker 2: touch on this about y'all's own kids. So first year,

1260
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 2: you said, what did you say to what do you

1261
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 2: say to her before y'all got married?

1262
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:28,439
Speaker 3: How long did you want?

1263
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,720
Speaker 1: I said, I want you to myself for three years?

1264
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:33,399
Speaker 1: I said, three years, and then we can start trying

1265
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 1: to have a kid.

1266
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 3: That was what happened. What happened was.

1267
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 1: We had, we had we had the first one year

1268
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:41,279
Speaker 1: to ourselves. We was out in South Street at four

1269
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,240
Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning, E and ice cream and then bam,

1270
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:48,960
Speaker 1: literally right after that. So after year one we got pregnant.

1271
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 9: Yeah, all right, anniversary was February, and I got pregnant

1272
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:52,400
Speaker 9: in April.

1273
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:59,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, yep, that means that the child was born that

1274
00:54:59,239 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 3: same year.

1275
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 1: Then nex Oll was born in December twenty nineteen. Yep. Yeah,

1276
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:07,800
Speaker 1: we got married February twenty eighteen. Maxell was born December

1277
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen. It is December thirty of twenty nineteen.

1278
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 9: Yeah, he was supposed to be born January seventeen, but

1279
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 9: he wanted to come earlier.

1280
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1281
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:17,560
Speaker 1: He was a big boy too. He was a big boy. Yeah.

1282
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:23,560
Speaker 2: How was that feeling of giving birth to your first.

1283
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:25,320
Speaker 9: It was awesome because I always wanted to be a mom.

1284
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 9: When I was a teenager, I said I want to

1285
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 9: have ten children. Yeah, but I had three.

1286
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 3: Come wrong, I.

1287
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:35,920
Speaker 9: Don't know, because I told I told you I'm very nurturing.

1288
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 9: So I just wanted to be a mom and I

1289
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 9: work with kids. I love being around kids. You have

1290
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:45,799
Speaker 9: only have one, and that's another thing too. Like me

1291
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,880
Speaker 9: and my brother, we're pretty close and we're very close

1292
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:51,920
Speaker 9: in age, but it was just us, like when he

1293
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 9: wanted to go do his own thing. I didn't have

1294
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 9: nobody to play with, and I like to play. I

1295
00:55:55,560 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 9: liked to do things with people. So I wanted it

1296
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:00,960
Speaker 9: to be so aware if one kid was busy with

1297
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,359
Speaker 9: another kid, the other kid had somebody else to play with.

1298
00:56:06,160 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 4: Exactly that nobody's ever.

1299
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 7: That makes sense to me.

1300
00:56:12,160 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, that's a lot of kids.

1301
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 7: That's why our grandparents had like thirteen.

1302
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 1: One.

1303
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:26,839
Speaker 4: No, I don't think that it was like you know what,

1304
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:29,560
Speaker 4: they just kept yep.

1305
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:35,720
Speaker 9: But yeah, first, he's such a joy, and he's so

1306
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 9: smart and so inquisitive and so much like his daddy

1307
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 9: in a lot of ways, but very just sweet. And

1308
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 9: the relationship between the oldest and the youngest, like she

1309
00:56:48,400 --> 00:56:50,600
Speaker 9: wasn't happy about him at first, but once he was born,

1310
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 9: you know, they she she grew to love him and

1311
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,680
Speaker 9: they're awesome together. Like he even calls her now on

1312
00:56:57,719 --> 00:57:01,080
Speaker 9: her iPad when on his iPad when she's school, and

1313
00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 9: you know, they played roadblocks together and all the kind

1314
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:07,839
Speaker 9: of things. But I just love the opportunity to start over,

1315
00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 9: I guess because my first experience with parenting was with

1316
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,160
Speaker 9: an older child. But now I have the chance to

1317
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 9: like write some of the wrongs that I made with

1318
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 9: the older one. Even though it was a short span

1319
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 9: of time, I still learned a lot in that time

1320
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 9: frame because I didn't want to mess it up with

1321
00:57:21,520 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 9: this young one. And it's not to say that I

1322
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 9: haven't made any mistakes, because I'm a human, but if

1323
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:28,360
Speaker 9: I make right, But if I make a mistake, I

1324
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:30,560
Speaker 9: can go to him and say, hey, Maxwell, I'm sorry,

1325
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 9: Mommy was not feeling her best or Mommy's not feeling

1326
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 9: her best right now, let's talk about this later.

1327
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 4: And he understands that.

1328
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,439
Speaker 3: But the daughter that he brought into the marriage, what

1329
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 3: do you What does she call you?

1330
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:46,520
Speaker 4: She calls me mom. Now, initially it was miss nine.

1331
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 9: That's how I introduced myself to her when she was eight,

1332
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,439
Speaker 9: So I was Miss nigh up until she.

1333
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 1: Was twenty, right, pretty much? Pretty much?

1334
00:57:56,800 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, hey mommy, Well didn't melt you when she said that.

1335
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 9: Yes, But I also didn't really acknowledge it too much

1336
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 9: because I didn't want to mess it up because you

1337
00:58:10,680 --> 00:58:12,800
Speaker 9: know how when you acknowledge them, it's like I ain't

1338
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 9: doing it. But yes, I appreciate it, and it feels

1339
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 9: like all the hard work that I've paid I got

1340
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:22,640
Speaker 9: the trophy.

1341
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really beautiful to see, you know, and you know,

1342
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 1: my daughter, my daughter is amazing, like absolutely amazing. But

1343
00:58:31,920 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 1: there was a lot of a lot of parenting to

1344
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 1: be done right and from the household that she came

1345
00:58:38,360 --> 00:58:41,080
Speaker 1: from to our household was very different as well, so

1346
00:58:41,120 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 1: there was a lot of unlearning and just different things

1347
00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:46,400
Speaker 1: and her maturation, you know, being able to kind of

1348
00:58:46,440 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 1: see life without you know, rose colored glasses, all those

1349
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 1: different things also and should be honest, there was parts

1350
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: that she did have to start to let my wife

1351
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 1: in and start to you know, be more open and

1352
00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 1: be more kind again they were I would just watch

1353
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 1: sometimes to be like asking for the same thing, like

1354
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,440
Speaker 1: what is happening because I could see it clearly. And

1355
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 1: I would also make sure you know one of the

1356
00:59:07,040 --> 00:59:09,960
Speaker 1: things too. I think you talked about competing. I think

1357
00:59:10,160 --> 00:59:12,960
Speaker 1: I try, and I'll let you say rather I did

1358
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 1: a good job of it. I try to also let

1359
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,680
Speaker 1: them know like, hey, this is your mom and this

1360
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 1: is the high art. But me and my wife on

1361
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 1: the side, I will also say like, hey, but you

1362
00:59:22,400 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 1: have to have grace because she was here first, Like respectfully,

1363
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 1: you did marry somebody who had a child, so understand

1364
00:59:28,080 --> 00:59:30,040
Speaker 1: where she's coming from. But I always try to make

1365
00:59:30,080 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 1: sure that like there's no question about it, like this

1366
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 1: is why it's like, this is mom, this is where

1367
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 1: the hierarchy stands. So and I think, you know that

1368
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 1: took a little getting used to it, but I think

1369
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 1: she did a good job of that.

1370
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 2: Let me touch on this before we run out of time,

1371
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:45,760
Speaker 2: because it's an important thing. I've had a shoot quite

1372
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:49,800
Speaker 2: a few guests that have experienced loss of their child

1373
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 2: being born and miscarriages, and so I want y'all to

1374
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:59,320
Speaker 2: touch on that child number three, you know, the second

1375
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:01,200
Speaker 2: child that y'all tried to concede together.

1376
01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 3: What did y'all experience?

1377
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 9: So it wasn't surprise because obviously we weren't expecting to

1378
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:13,840
Speaker 9: be pregnant, not that we were awarding it either. I

1379
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 9: was pregnant, and I waited a few days before I

1380
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 9: told him. Really yeah, I didn't tell him initially because

1381
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:26,800
Speaker 9: of the first experience that I had. He wasn't very receptive.

1382
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 9: So I waited because I wanted to keep the joy

1383
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 9: to myself. And then I walked into the room one

1384
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 9: day and I said, Hey, I'm pregnant, and.

1385
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 4: He was just like what, And I'm just like yeah,

1386
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:47,160
Speaker 4: so I let him sit with it.

1387
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:48,680
Speaker 3: How does this keep happening?

1388
01:00:49,760 --> 01:00:51,800
Speaker 1: Like biology?

1389
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 9: The reason why I ended up telling him is because

1390
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 9: I was bleeding. As I was telling him, I was

1391
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:04,240
Speaker 9: bleeding and it was like a lot, and I just

1392
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:07,600
Speaker 9: didn't know what was happening. And he just was like, yeah,

1393
01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:09,320
Speaker 9: you should probably go to the doctor about that. So

1394
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 9: I told him that I have my appointment to go

1395
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 9: get checked out, and I was that's when they told me.

1396
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 9: And it was really really hard because I knew that

1397
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 9: I wanted to have more than one child, so I

1398
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:24,040
Speaker 9: already had the son and the second one, you know whatever.

1399
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:26,720
Speaker 4: That was really hard.

1400
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 9: Yeah, and I thought that maybe after that we probably

1401
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:33,919
Speaker 9: wouldn't have any more kids because he was very adam

1402
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 9: it about not wanting any more kids. He just wanted

1403
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:38,880
Speaker 9: the oldest one and then the first one and then

1404
01:01:38,920 --> 01:01:39,439
Speaker 9: that was it.

1405
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:40,480
Speaker 4: So I don't know.

1406
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 1: I don't though, yeah, yeah you.

1407
01:01:45,320 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 9: Did, I should give you grace, But initially I wanted

1408
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,840
Speaker 9: to hold on to that and I was just scared

1409
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:54,160
Speaker 9: that I wasn't going to be able to have any

1410
01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 9: more kids. Because I want to be in agreement with

1411
01:01:56,720 --> 01:01:58,800
Speaker 9: my husband. I want to make sure that we're on

1412
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 9: the same page.

1413
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 4: But then it happened again. But that was really really

1414
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 4: hard to go through.

1415
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 3: Sons.

1416
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:10,880
Speaker 4: It wasn't months, it was a few weeks, it was

1417
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 4: a few weeks. It was about it was about seven weeks.

1418
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 1: I forgot its unique name and let me so let

1419
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,600
Speaker 1: me preference. So we talked about it earlier, and Ashley

1420
01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 1: had mentioned just the parenting and why parenting means so

1421
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 1: much to me. So when when the child that we lost,

1422
01:02:29,120 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 1: it was tough for me for two reasons because A

1423
01:02:33,120 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 1: I didn't really respond my best, you know, when we

1424
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:39,000
Speaker 1: got pregnant with our son, and I was like, okay,

1425
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:42,760
Speaker 1: this time I've responded better. I were in an okay situation,

1426
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 1: like it's fine, it is what it is. So then

1427
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:47,360
Speaker 1: when it happened, it kind of felt like, oh dag,

1428
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,360
Speaker 1: like you know, maybe okay, maybe this is just not

1429
01:02:50,400 --> 01:02:52,680
Speaker 1: in the cars, maybe this is what we're supposed to

1430
01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 1: just have, you know, to say. A third and just

1431
01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: seeing my wife kind of still carry that and for

1432
01:02:58,320 --> 01:03:00,000
Speaker 1: days and me try to comfort her as best as

1433
01:03:00,040 --> 01:03:03,360
Speaker 1: possible and have conversation and get her agency to feel

1434
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:06,480
Speaker 1: every range of emotion was really important. And I think

1435
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:09,160
Speaker 1: I think that helped heal me, and it was just

1436
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:11,640
Speaker 1: allowing her to express every range of emotion as well.

1437
01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 1: So when she did that, it was helpful for me

1438
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:16,000
Speaker 1: to also know that I can feel these things. So

1439
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:17,920
Speaker 1: if it popped up or I thought about it, and

1440
01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 1: again it didn't take long before we got pregnant again,

1441
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,080
Speaker 1: I was just like, Okay, you know this is you know,

1442
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 1: it's still in the cars for us. But it was

1443
01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 1: concerning because, like I said, she almost died with our

1444
01:03:26,520 --> 01:03:28,720
Speaker 1: first child, and then we lose our second child. So

1445
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:32,040
Speaker 1: all those things are mixed emotions. But the reason why,

1446
01:03:32,080 --> 01:03:35,400
Speaker 1: So parenting means so much to me, Like I take

1447
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:39,200
Speaker 1: it so serious. I think parenting when intentionality is everything,

1448
01:03:39,200 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 1: I think it just matters. And I think ninety nine

1449
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 1: percent of the problems in the world is bad parenting,

1450
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 1: abs and parenting or lack of parenting. And I think,

1451
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,600
Speaker 1: you know, Ashley asked me a great question earlier, what

1452
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 1: does bad parenting look like? I think when you don't

1453
01:03:51,120 --> 01:03:53,160
Speaker 1: give your kids a frame of reference but the things

1454
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:56,000
Speaker 1: you know they're enebledly going to walk into or experience,

1455
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:59,840
Speaker 1: that's bad parenting. When you glaze over opportunities to talk

1456
01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:02,320
Speaker 1: to them in situations are allowed because listen, if you

1457
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:04,920
Speaker 1: don't parent your kids, somebody or something else will. Is

1458
01:04:04,960 --> 01:04:07,280
Speaker 1: that everybody's trying to parent your kid. Everybody has a

1459
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:10,440
Speaker 1: message for your kid, everybody right, and you have to

1460
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: be able to do that. So for me, it's not

1461
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:15,000
Speaker 1: that it's a bad thing having children. I just know

1462
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:18,360
Speaker 1: the sweat equity it takes, not the mission of financial

1463
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,439
Speaker 1: might be paid tuition for you know, for a top

1464
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 1: twenty school in the country. It ain't cheap, you know

1465
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 1: what I mean? You know, so dloso is intentional, and

1466
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:28,080
Speaker 1: I have my wife can of test this. I have

1467
01:04:28,200 --> 01:04:30,280
Speaker 1: every conversation with them, me and my son, like I

1468
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 1: talk to him, I give him a frame of reference

1469
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 1: or what I want him to see masculinity as. When

1470
01:04:34,240 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 1: he's being kind, I'm like, that's really mainly of you.

1471
01:04:36,360 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 1: I love that you did that, I love how conye was,

1472
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 1: I love how you're protecting your friend. That's really mainly

1473
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,640
Speaker 1: like I attribute those things. So I give him a

1474
01:04:42,640 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 1: frame of reference so nobody else will be able to

1475
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 1: tell him that he's not being mad like no, no, no, no,

1476
01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:48,240
Speaker 1: this is what that is. Same thing I share with

1477
01:04:48,320 --> 01:04:49,920
Speaker 1: you guys. With my oldest daughter, to my olders, or

1478
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:51,760
Speaker 1: you have a great body, have a great shape, you're gorgeous,

1479
01:04:51,760 --> 01:04:53,480
Speaker 1: just that. And third, because I don't want the first

1480
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:55,400
Speaker 1: person to compliment her to be somebody that wants something

1481
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 1: from her. Right, So all these like, parenting is not

1482
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 1: glazing over things or hoping you don't run into it,

1483
01:05:01,080 --> 01:05:03,280
Speaker 1: or waiting till they run into something and they be

1484
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:07,000
Speaker 1: like no, Like parenting is all those conversations. And I

1485
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,959
Speaker 1: have every conversation with my kids. You know, my son

1486
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 1: is six and I have every conversation with him. Hey,

1487
01:05:12,320 --> 01:05:14,120
Speaker 1: this is how people do things. You still need to

1488
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:16,439
Speaker 1: give people dignity this that. And third, before my daughter

1489
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 1: went to an all girls high school and you know,

1490
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: we had a conversation by sexuality and all these other things.

1491
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,280
Speaker 1: I said, hey, you know, just because that's not how

1492
01:05:23,360 --> 01:05:24,800
Speaker 1: we live and how we are, you still need to

1493
01:05:24,800 --> 01:05:27,439
Speaker 1: get people dignity. You still need to treat people with respect, right,

1494
01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:30,320
Speaker 1: and all those things. So our convictions are our convictions.

1495
01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 1: So you know, be critical, right, but never partnered with defiance. Right.

1496
01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 1: And you don't have to treat you have to know

1497
01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 1: who you are, but you don't have to, you know,

1498
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:40,000
Speaker 1: treat people less than you. So all these conversations, like

1499
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:43,400
Speaker 1: we constantly. My daughter is twenty one, I still parent her.

1500
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 1: I will parent her till she dies. You know. I

1501
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 1: don't raise my kids to make a live and I

1502
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:49,959
Speaker 1: raised them to make an impact, right. All these things

1503
01:05:50,000 --> 01:05:51,880
Speaker 1: come from cast and vision from when they were young.

1504
01:05:52,040 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 1: CAS's vision for my daughter when she was eight. That's

1505
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:55,440
Speaker 1: why we always knew my daughter's gonna go to a

1506
01:05:55,440 --> 01:05:56,760
Speaker 1: top school. I told her she was going to Harvard

1507
01:05:56,800 --> 01:05:58,880
Speaker 1: when she was eight. So she goes to the University

1508
01:05:58,880 --> 01:06:01,240
Speaker 1: of Sellar, California and Trojan and fight on you know.

1509
01:06:02,040 --> 01:06:03,640
Speaker 1: You know, so we always she got into nothing but

1510
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:07,760
Speaker 1: top school. She only applied the top school. Yeah, so

1511
01:06:07,800 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 1: we yeah, but she did that because I went there, right,

1512
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:13,560
Speaker 1: she was just being sweet. But you know, but we

1513
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:16,240
Speaker 1: said that you're a standard in our household, and standards

1514
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:22,800
Speaker 1: are also part of parenting time. She's in California, Yeah, California, California,

1515
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:27,640
Speaker 1: us C taking names toppling regimes, you know, and series

1516
01:06:27,640 --> 01:06:30,680
Speaker 1: about her faith and building relationships. But so that's the

1517
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 1: other thing, like when you parent and you study your kids,

1518
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:34,640
Speaker 1: you know the kids, people will be like, you're not

1519
01:06:34,720 --> 01:06:36,439
Speaker 1: afraid this in her No, because I know the child

1520
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 1: I parented, right, Yeah, like we know who we parented. No,

1521
01:06:40,680 --> 01:06:43,240
Speaker 1: she's gonna be fine, and she's gonna she's gonna ruffle

1522
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:45,440
Speaker 1: feathers and she's going to disrupt, like we know who

1523
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:49,920
Speaker 1: we parented. Yes, I'm telling.

1524
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 7: That's really good.

1525
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:54,960
Speaker 6: You know, I taught I but when I first graduated

1526
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:57,400
Speaker 6: from college, my first job was being a teacher, and

1527
01:06:57,480 --> 01:07:01,000
Speaker 6: I learned quickly that a lot of I won't say

1528
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:03,400
Speaker 6: a lot, but there were many of my parents that

1529
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 6: felt like a lot of the job of kind of

1530
01:07:05,920 --> 01:07:09,240
Speaker 6: what you're discussing fell on the teachers. And I had

1531
01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:11,240
Speaker 6: to explain to so many of them that it has

1532
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:14,520
Speaker 6: to be a partnership, right, And so when I'm asking

1533
01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 6: you to like review this objective at night, like with

1534
01:07:17,760 --> 01:07:21,160
Speaker 6: your son or your daughter, like, well, I taught all boys,

1535
01:07:21,400 --> 01:07:23,080
Speaker 6: but when I'm asking you to do it, I'm not

1536
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 6: attacking your parenting. But it's just that we have to

1537
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 6: be in partnership because I only have this amount of

1538
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 6: time during the day to get through this, and I

1539
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:34,040
Speaker 6: don't want to leave anyone behind. So I need your help.

1540
01:07:34,320 --> 01:07:37,080
Speaker 6: Can you review this with them? And I had, you know,

1541
01:07:37,160 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 6: one parent just get I mean, she blew up. She

1542
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 6: went to the principal. She tried to get me fired,

1543
01:07:43,320 --> 01:07:45,240
Speaker 6: and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no no no,

1544
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:46,760
Speaker 6: I wasn't attacking your parenting.

1545
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:48,520
Speaker 7: I just need your partnership.

1546
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:51,280
Speaker 6: And so I was like, oh my gosh, like we

1547
01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:53,000
Speaker 6: have to and I only talk for a short amount

1548
01:07:53,040 --> 01:07:55,280
Speaker 6: of time, but in that time I was able to see,

1549
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 6: like I was like, oh, when I was coming up,

1550
01:07:57,680 --> 01:08:00,440
Speaker 6: you know, my whole family had flashcards for me, it

1551
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 6: was all about the community. We placed emphasis on community,

1552
01:08:04,320 --> 01:08:07,400
Speaker 6: raising each other. And now people feel sort of like, well,

1553
01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:10,320
Speaker 6: this is my child, and so for better or for worse,

1554
01:08:10,440 --> 01:08:13,439
Speaker 6: it's different. But when we when we really all look

1555
01:08:13,520 --> 01:08:16,880
Speaker 6: at the totality of what parenting is, it's so nice

1556
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:19,640
Speaker 6: to hear how involved you are in every aspect of

1557
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:22,599
Speaker 6: their lives. Because I really do believe that. You know,

1558
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:25,759
Speaker 6: it says the quote it takes a village.

1559
01:08:25,840 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think we can't pass the buck, and

1560
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:31,879
Speaker 1: too much you see passing the buck, you know, especially

1561
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:33,840
Speaker 1: you know in the faith. I think it's even worse.

1562
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 1: You know, we want everybody we send the Christian schools

1563
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:37,720
Speaker 1: because we don't want to see something theology at home.

1564
01:08:37,840 --> 01:08:39,280
Speaker 1: My kid and gotta go to a Chrisian school. They

1565
01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:41,439
Speaker 1: don't get the Bible in the house, you know, they don't.

1566
01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:42,760
Speaker 1: I don't have to be afraid of what they're going

1567
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:44,479
Speaker 1: to see on Netflix, because I already parented them. I

1568
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,280
Speaker 1: already talked to them about what they're going to see.

1569
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:48,519
Speaker 1: What the world is right, And I think we we

1570
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:50,280
Speaker 1: have to stop trying to pass the buck and we

1571
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:52,840
Speaker 1: have to do the hard half, the hard conversations. Have

1572
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:55,519
Speaker 1: honest conversations, be honest about who we are and what

1573
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:57,880
Speaker 1: we do when we mess up our kids. All those

1574
01:08:57,920 --> 01:08:59,519
Speaker 1: things is more calt thans are. And they see that

1575
01:09:00,160 --> 01:09:01,960
Speaker 1: it's six, it'll come to me. He can say, hey, Dad,

1576
01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:04,479
Speaker 1: I really didn't like the way you said that to me, right,

1577
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,200
Speaker 1: because I gave it, We cultivated a space for him

1578
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:07,559
Speaker 1: to do that.

1579
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:09,760
Speaker 2: He's six, and let's talk about the six year. That's

1580
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:14,680
Speaker 2: the youngest, No, no, three year. And so now we

1581
01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:19,360
Speaker 2: talked about the the unfortunate loss of child number two

1582
01:09:19,479 --> 01:09:22,640
Speaker 2: between y'all, child number three between the both y'all, and

1583
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:27,559
Speaker 2: then so this fourth child slash third child, Uh, how

1584
01:09:27,600 --> 01:09:28,439
Speaker 2: did that come?

1585
01:09:28,840 --> 01:09:37,920
Speaker 9: Yeah, you want to tell your version, Yes, honestly, it

1586
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,200
Speaker 9: really was a surprise. I didn't expect she set me up.

1587
01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:42,080
Speaker 1: She set me.

1588
01:09:42,560 --> 01:09:45,400
Speaker 9: I communicated with him the things I needed to communicate.

1589
01:09:46,240 --> 01:09:49,559
Speaker 1: But then I ask you, right, So we was having

1590
01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:51,720
Speaker 1: a good time. We had just came from we were

1591
01:09:52,320 --> 01:09:53,760
Speaker 1: where we go for your birthday. Well, we was in

1592
01:09:53,760 --> 01:09:56,439
Speaker 1: New York for your birthday. Just had a good old time,

1593
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:59,519
Speaker 1: you know, no kids, it was that year. It was, yeah,

1594
01:09:59,600 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 1: it was a we went to New York when we

1595
01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:04,080
Speaker 1: went to uh we went to the Liberty Game and

1596
01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:06,240
Speaker 1: all the things. So it was that year, was I

1597
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:09,679
Speaker 1: remember because that was Yeah, it was cute anyway, remember

1598
01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:11,800
Speaker 1: because because she was like a fine we went to

1599
01:10:11,800 --> 01:10:13,840
Speaker 1: a Lion King play, so it was just it was

1600
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:16,240
Speaker 1: just great. So I'm like, this is great. I got

1601
01:10:16,240 --> 01:10:18,559
Speaker 1: my white fact. You know, our son is getting older,

1602
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:20,360
Speaker 1: he communicating and stuff, so we like, we're a little

1603
01:10:20,360 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 1: more comfortable leaving him with people because we really not

1604
01:10:22,439 --> 01:10:24,640
Speaker 1: like that. So we were a little more comfortable. And

1605
01:10:24,680 --> 01:10:27,479
Speaker 1: then I remember before it happened, because I was checking

1606
01:10:27,479 --> 01:10:29,439
Speaker 1: in my head, I'm like, yo, you all be here,

1607
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:31,240
Speaker 1: and she's like, no, no, no, I'm sure. I'm like

1608
01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:34,280
Speaker 1: you sure, I promise you Before we did the d

1609
01:10:34,479 --> 01:10:35,719
Speaker 1: she said, I'm sure.

1610
01:10:35,880 --> 01:10:36,439
Speaker 4: I was sure.

1611
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:38,160
Speaker 1: Sure, she was not sure.

1612
01:10:45,200 --> 01:10:47,120
Speaker 4: So, yeah, it's supposed to be.

1613
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:49,719
Speaker 1: She was never supposed to be here. She's amazing. Again,

1614
01:10:50,160 --> 01:10:52,519
Speaker 1: she's more like my oldest and she is like my son.

1615
01:10:52,600 --> 01:10:55,200
Speaker 1: She's a little firecracker, miss a little independent, would go

1616
01:10:55,240 --> 01:10:57,240
Speaker 1: off and go do her own thing. My son, he's

1617
01:10:57,240 --> 01:10:59,000
Speaker 1: like the social one. Like he's he's going to be

1618
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,880
Speaker 1: the popular like everybody, likes to play with everybody. He's

1619
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:06,000
Speaker 1: a pretty kid like yeah, very articulate, you know, reading

1620
01:11:06,000 --> 01:11:09,320
Speaker 1: on you know, second grade, third grade level, all the

1621
01:11:09,320 --> 01:11:11,320
Speaker 1: things that you want, you know, your kid to be like.

1622
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:15,639
Speaker 1: He's he's those things. And then y'all a little fire

1623
01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:18,640
Speaker 1: cracker and she's just something different. But I will I

1624
01:11:18,680 --> 01:11:21,760
Speaker 1: would share this. I was pissed when I found out

1625
01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:24,320
Speaker 1: we was pregnant. I was hot, we were in transition,

1626
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:27,800
Speaker 1: trying to buy a bigger house, all the things, and

1627
01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:29,840
Speaker 1: you know, it brought a lot of tension on our marriage.

1628
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:32,960
Speaker 1: And that was the most tense season of our marriage.

1629
01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 1: And you know, and again, like my wife said, one

1630
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:38,040
Speaker 1: of the things that's the hallmark of me, I'm gonna

1631
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:40,240
Speaker 1: go talk to God. I'm gonna tell him I'm frustrated.

1632
01:11:40,240 --> 01:11:42,679
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell Hi, I'm up set, tell all these things,

1633
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:44,880
Speaker 1: and then he's gonna put me on place, and Mommy,

1634
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:46,599
Speaker 1: who I am and who I have a covenant with?

1635
01:11:46,800 --> 01:11:48,439
Speaker 1: I've been covenant with him. I have a covenant with

1636
01:11:48,479 --> 01:11:50,640
Speaker 1: my wife. Right, So all the stupid stuff, all the

1637
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:54,320
Speaker 1: stupid feelings I'm allowing to you know, dictate how I'm feeling.

1638
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:57,160
Speaker 1: It has to see so you know it did. And

1639
01:11:57,200 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 1: then sure enough, you know we the next year, that

1640
01:12:00,439 --> 01:12:03,479
Speaker 1: very next year probably started on the best trajectory of

1641
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:06,559
Speaker 1: our marriage since, like we moved later right after, like

1642
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,080
Speaker 1: you had a baby, put it yet, hold us so

1643
01:12:09,080 --> 01:12:11,599
Speaker 1: I jord to, graduated high school, had a brand new baby,

1644
01:12:11,880 --> 01:12:13,800
Speaker 1: moved to a new state, put a kid in college,

1645
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:19,720
Speaker 1: all in like the same summer.

1646
01:12:18,240 --> 01:12:20,640
Speaker 9: We moved our entire house house yep, and moved to

1647
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:21,400
Speaker 9: the state to.

1648
01:12:26,200 --> 01:12:29,160
Speaker 1: Ye yep uh and it. But every since then, like

1649
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:31,679
Speaker 1: are like we've just been tighter. It's just got better

1650
01:12:31,720 --> 01:12:34,400
Speaker 1: every since then. And I think a lot of that

1651
01:12:34,640 --> 01:12:36,479
Speaker 1: is how my wife handled me, and that I think

1652
01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:38,559
Speaker 1: she gave me unlike the first time, she gave me

1653
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:40,960
Speaker 1: space to fill everything right, Because one of the things

1654
01:12:41,000 --> 01:12:44,120
Speaker 1: always say in my household is like, well, anger for

1655
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:45,720
Speaker 1: one is not a sin for too. I should be

1656
01:12:45,760 --> 01:12:48,400
Speaker 1: able to express every range of emotion to y'all if

1657
01:12:48,479 --> 01:12:51,040
Speaker 1: y'all can, and y'all give y'all space to I need

1658
01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:53,519
Speaker 1: that too, So give me time to process all my

1659
01:12:53,560 --> 01:12:55,960
Speaker 1: feelings as well too. And I think my wife learned

1660
01:12:56,000 --> 01:12:57,639
Speaker 1: how to do that this second go around.

1661
01:12:57,800 --> 01:13:00,000
Speaker 3: Well, how did you do that without taking offense?

1662
01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:02,360
Speaker 2: It's just like here, it is, I have a we

1663
01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:06,559
Speaker 2: have a child, come and you participate in this, and

1664
01:13:06,760 --> 01:13:10,519
Speaker 2: how do you allow him the space to emote without

1665
01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:15,480
Speaker 2: taking it personally? So or because he may be articulated,

1666
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:19,240
Speaker 2: we're well, but it may not be truly what you

1667
01:13:19,240 --> 01:13:20,160
Speaker 2: were feeling there.

1668
01:13:20,560 --> 01:13:24,519
Speaker 9: So I had a lot of wise counsel. I have

1669
01:13:24,680 --> 01:13:28,400
Speaker 9: some trusted mentors that I just shared what my experience was.

1670
01:13:28,840 --> 01:13:31,360
Speaker 9: They knew both of us, and they're the ones that

1671
01:13:31,439 --> 01:13:34,880
Speaker 9: told me that I need to allow him to be upset. Really, yes,

1672
01:13:35,680 --> 01:13:37,719
Speaker 9: I need to because that's how he feels. And there's

1673
01:13:37,800 --> 01:13:41,040
Speaker 9: nothing wrong with being upset. You know, you don't know

1674
01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:43,760
Speaker 9: exactly what's going on in his head. So whatever is

1675
01:13:43,760 --> 01:13:45,799
Speaker 9: going on in his head is clashing with the information

1676
01:13:45,840 --> 01:13:47,920
Speaker 9: that you just shared with him. So he has a

1677
01:13:47,920 --> 01:13:50,919
Speaker 9: feeling about it and he should be allowed to express

1678
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:51,400
Speaker 9: that feeling.

1679
01:13:51,439 --> 01:13:52,960
Speaker 3: It got to be the most mature thing I've heard.

1680
01:13:54,200 --> 01:13:59,080
Speaker 1: We are old people in our lives, people that have

1681
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:00,439
Speaker 1: been married twenty thirty four years.

1682
01:14:00,479 --> 01:14:04,520
Speaker 3: Okay, that's support. I'm glad you put reference around because.

1683
01:14:04,640 --> 01:14:06,960
Speaker 1: Our pri Middal counselor was married forty two years.

1684
01:14:06,960 --> 01:14:07,519
Speaker 3: That's what I'm talking.

1685
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:11,160
Speaker 2: Shout out to them, That's what I'm talking about because

1686
01:14:11,240 --> 01:14:15,120
Speaker 2: a lot of times in this weak mindset of individuals,

1687
01:14:15,120 --> 01:14:17,760
Speaker 2: now they call that struggle. Look, anything that makes you

1688
01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:21,840
Speaker 2: struggle their go, that's a struggle. They have this ideology

1689
01:14:21,920 --> 01:14:24,040
Speaker 2: that everything is supposed to be perfect.

1690
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:26,479
Speaker 3: He's supposed to respond the right way.

1691
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:30,840
Speaker 2: Even I was sitting there clinching because I was, like

1692
01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:33,360
Speaker 2: he said, at the very beginning, he wasn't really looking

1693
01:14:33,400 --> 01:14:35,519
Speaker 2: at checking for you, he was checking out the other girl.

1694
01:14:35,880 --> 01:14:37,400
Speaker 3: But then I was like, I got nervous.

1695
01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:39,800
Speaker 2: I said, see these people that are immature, they'll be like,

1696
01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:42,280
Speaker 2: see why is that? But then it made me feel

1697
01:14:42,280 --> 01:14:44,080
Speaker 2: better when you say, now I was already in a relationship.

1698
01:14:44,120 --> 01:14:46,880
Speaker 1: I said, but here I'm.

1699
01:14:46,520 --> 01:14:49,439
Speaker 2: Trying to adopt the mindset of small minded people that

1700
01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:53,640
Speaker 2: makes them feel comfortable instead of saying every iteration of

1701
01:14:53,680 --> 01:14:56,200
Speaker 2: a person's journey isn't supposed to make you feel comfortable.

1702
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:59,320
Speaker 2: God don't make us feel comfortable. Jesus in the Garden

1703
01:14:59,320 --> 01:15:02,000
Speaker 2: of smy did not feel comfortable. And so we have

1704
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:06,000
Speaker 2: this ideology in this faith world that everything is supposed

1705
01:15:06,040 --> 01:15:08,719
Speaker 2: to be comfortable, and if it's not comfortable, then it's struggling,

1706
01:15:08,720 --> 01:15:10,040
Speaker 2: and if it's struggle, is not God.

1707
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:11,320
Speaker 1: Can I say something controversial?

1708
01:15:11,520 --> 01:15:12,200
Speaker 3: Please go ahead.

1709
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:15,639
Speaker 1: I do you know what I'm going I do think

1710
01:15:15,680 --> 01:15:18,920
Speaker 1: it's weird that we have this culture where I've seen

1711
01:15:19,040 --> 01:15:22,000
Speaker 1: people say that the person they're married to wasn't their type.

1712
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:24,120
Speaker 1: I think that's weird. I think you should marry your type.

1713
01:15:24,280 --> 01:15:27,120
Speaker 1: I think what happens when you do not do that,

1714
01:15:27,240 --> 01:15:29,360
Speaker 1: or you marry him for any other for all these

1715
01:15:29,400 --> 01:15:32,120
Speaker 1: other reasons, It catches up to you like you need

1716
01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:34,679
Speaker 1: to you want to resent in that person. You wind up,

1717
01:15:34,800 --> 01:15:38,320
Speaker 1: you know, having this unrealistic expectation of these people, like, no,

1718
01:15:38,360 --> 01:15:40,559
Speaker 1: you should marry your type. Like my wife was find

1719
01:15:40,560 --> 01:15:42,280
Speaker 1: from the jump. I thought she was find from the jump.

1720
01:15:42,360 --> 01:15:44,800
Speaker 1: I thought she had an amazing body from the jump, right,

1721
01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:47,920
Speaker 1: So I think it's weird that that seems to be.

1722
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:50,240
Speaker 1: They think that's more complimentary. I think that's weird. Why

1723
01:15:50,280 --> 01:15:52,800
Speaker 1: wouldn't you just marry your type because it sounds like

1724
01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:56,120
Speaker 1: you're saying you subtle, right, it sounds like you're saying, oh,

1725
01:15:56,320 --> 01:15:58,240
Speaker 1: this person on my type, but then God changed my

1726
01:15:58,360 --> 01:16:00,439
Speaker 1: oh whatever, Like no, I think you should make I

1727
01:16:00,479 --> 01:16:03,639
Speaker 1: think finding somebody attractive matters. I think some being sexually

1728
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:06,679
Speaker 1: attracted to somebody matters. I think all those things matter.

1729
01:16:06,960 --> 01:16:09,840
Speaker 1: So I think it's I think it's so though it

1730
01:16:09,880 --> 01:16:12,120
Speaker 1: was the first, like the first person that we were

1731
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,400
Speaker 1: kind of just bob is just because that person was friendlier,

1732
01:16:14,400 --> 01:16:16,840
Speaker 1: Like my wife was in a relationship, so she wasn't

1733
01:16:16,880 --> 01:16:19,080
Speaker 1: exactly like she was. She just said high. But we

1734
01:16:19,120 --> 01:16:20,880
Speaker 1: didn't have any other interaction through to night because she

1735
01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:22,880
Speaker 1: had a boyfriend that was on the stage. The other

1736
01:16:22,920 --> 01:16:25,040
Speaker 1: one I'm assuming was single. We just had a little

1737
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:27,880
Speaker 1: bit more you know, conversation above whatever the case may be.

1738
01:16:28,080 --> 01:16:30,400
Speaker 1: But no, from the jump, I have one hundred percent

1739
01:16:30,439 --> 01:16:32,360
Speaker 1: tell the men all the time, please, and then the

1740
01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:34,360
Speaker 1: other than communication your needs, like when I need something,

1741
01:16:34,400 --> 01:16:36,639
Speaker 1: I tell my wife like yo, it's been three days,

1742
01:16:36,640 --> 01:16:38,360
Speaker 1: like we need to we need to get in where

1743
01:16:38,360 --> 01:16:39,800
Speaker 1: we feel the we need to go steal some time

1744
01:16:39,840 --> 01:16:45,040
Speaker 1: away because I'm not going to want exactly right right right,

1745
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:47,320
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go ahead and bank. And I

1746
01:16:47,320 --> 01:16:49,439
Speaker 1: think the moment you stop being a lot of people

1747
01:16:49,800 --> 01:16:51,719
Speaker 1: step out and do a whole bunch of stupid stuff

1748
01:16:51,880 --> 01:16:54,320
Speaker 1: because they're too passive to communicate their needs.

1749
01:16:54,439 --> 01:16:56,240
Speaker 2: I tell my wife my needs. But this is what

1750
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:59,840
Speaker 2: I want to push back on. Sometimes people types are

1751
01:17:00,040 --> 01:17:04,560
Speaker 2: so unhealthy. You may have adopted your type through the

1752
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:07,320
Speaker 2: familiar spirits, and so you may have been for twenty

1753
01:17:07,360 --> 01:17:09,040
Speaker 2: years you like the girl with the big booty, the

1754
01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:11,320
Speaker 2: girl that's like that, and that never worked out for you.

1755
01:17:11,600 --> 01:17:13,759
Speaker 2: And so God says, I need to heal your type

1756
01:17:13,840 --> 01:17:16,240
Speaker 2: because what you think is your type.

1757
01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:17,839
Speaker 3: I want to give you my type.

1758
01:17:17,920 --> 01:17:20,120
Speaker 2: And so what happens is is that it's not that

1759
01:17:20,160 --> 01:17:22,040
Speaker 2: they find their wives unattractive.

1760
01:17:22,120 --> 01:17:25,000
Speaker 3: Is that their typical type. Even I hear women say this.

1761
01:17:25,320 --> 01:17:28,680
Speaker 2: My type is a man that's six got to be,

1762
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:31,320
Speaker 2: got to do this, and it'd be like, okay, that's cool,

1763
01:17:31,400 --> 01:17:34,439
Speaker 2: that's a preference, But is that your type? Because your type,

1764
01:17:34,439 --> 01:17:36,080
Speaker 2: which I talk about in Student of Love, not a

1765
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:40,000
Speaker 2: shameless plug, but your type should be something that are

1766
01:17:40,080 --> 01:17:43,519
Speaker 2: those soft skills that a person has, those intangibles that's

1767
01:17:43,560 --> 01:17:46,360
Speaker 2: not based on physical appearance. Because I've known so many

1768
01:17:46,439 --> 01:17:49,080
Speaker 2: people that married their type, and me maybe you know,

1769
01:17:49,120 --> 01:17:51,360
Speaker 2: look at the six people of the twelve people that

1770
01:17:51,400 --> 01:17:54,080
Speaker 2: got married that got divorced, that they married their type

1771
01:17:54,080 --> 01:17:56,000
Speaker 2: and that type wasn't good enough. It would have it

1772
01:17:56,040 --> 01:17:58,800
Speaker 2: was those core issues. Would they say? The number one

1773
01:17:58,840 --> 01:18:01,960
Speaker 2: issue is communication with relationships. And that's what you keep

1774
01:18:01,960 --> 01:18:04,320
Speaker 2: talking about. I was talking about I communicate, I tell this,

1775
01:18:04,640 --> 01:18:07,360
Speaker 2: and so your type may be something physical, but what's

1776
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:10,400
Speaker 2: lacking is that person don't talk. He's not a good communicator,

1777
01:18:10,960 --> 01:18:13,400
Speaker 2: too emotionally, get mad, walk out the house, getting the car,

1778
01:18:13,479 --> 01:18:15,080
Speaker 2: drive down the street. You don't know if they're gonna

1779
01:18:15,080 --> 01:18:17,840
Speaker 2: come back that day. But your type look good, he fine,

1780
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:20,280
Speaker 2: he making money, he doing that. But then what's not

1781
01:18:20,400 --> 01:18:23,160
Speaker 2: keeping that marriage sustainable is that they're not there or

1782
01:18:23,280 --> 01:18:25,120
Speaker 2: the wife is the same way.

1783
01:18:25,200 --> 01:18:26,599
Speaker 3: She fine as I'll get.

1784
01:18:26,439 --> 01:18:28,600
Speaker 1: Out, but she's so supervisial.

1785
01:18:28,760 --> 01:18:30,759
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, You're like, God, my wife,

1786
01:18:30,840 --> 01:18:33,720
Speaker 2: just I bet not lose my job, because if I

1787
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:36,720
Speaker 2: lose my job, I'm losing her because her type was

1788
01:18:36,760 --> 01:18:38,960
Speaker 2: a man that made this kind of money and so

1789
01:18:39,400 --> 01:18:41,240
Speaker 2: I love at the beginning of the conversation when you

1790
01:18:41,280 --> 01:18:43,439
Speaker 2: said to tell her that and.

1791
01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:46,040
Speaker 3: She said that to you, it made you stand like.

1792
01:18:46,120 --> 01:18:49,960
Speaker 2: Superman, and you was like, I'm gonna make sure two things.

1793
01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:53,160
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make sure that I'm extremely successful, and you're

1794
01:18:53,200 --> 01:18:57,120
Speaker 2: gonna benefit. For all the journey, the heartaches that we've

1795
01:18:57,160 --> 01:18:59,479
Speaker 2: been through financing, you're gonna benefit. And I'm gonna make

1796
01:18:59,520 --> 01:19:02,920
Speaker 2: you the recipient of this blood sweating. I had so

1797
01:19:03,000 --> 01:19:05,519
Speaker 2: just giving language around the type. Sometimes people say it,

1798
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:08,240
Speaker 2: and sometimes people hear from a toxic mindset, but I

1799
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:10,760
Speaker 2: had I had a buddy on the podcast, Albanir, who

1800
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:13,879
Speaker 2: said he was never gonna get married, and then UH

1801
01:19:14,400 --> 01:19:17,200
Speaker 2: decided to get married and said, hey, but I had to.

1802
01:19:17,960 --> 01:19:20,360
Speaker 2: And I tell people, divorce your type and marry your

1803
01:19:20,360 --> 01:19:23,040
Speaker 2: core values. That's what I talk about, Dear Future and

1804
01:19:23,439 --> 01:19:25,800
Speaker 2: Student of Love. Divorce your type and marry your core

1805
01:19:25,880 --> 01:19:28,639
Speaker 2: values because a lot of times your type is stopping

1806
01:19:28,680 --> 01:19:32,280
Speaker 2: you from identifying your core values. And sometimes people think

1807
01:19:32,320 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 2: their type is their core values. And sometimes I ask you,

1808
01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:37,760
Speaker 2: what's your core value? Like yeah, because I say because

1809
01:19:37,760 --> 01:19:39,400
Speaker 2: if you say what's your type, You're going to tell

1810
01:19:39,479 --> 01:19:42,120
Speaker 2: everything if I say, what's your core value? Go, let

1811
01:19:42,160 --> 01:19:44,320
Speaker 2: me think about that. What is my core values? What

1812
01:19:44,400 --> 01:19:47,280
Speaker 2: do I really want? And so that's thing we're you

1813
01:19:47,280 --> 01:19:47,880
Speaker 2: about to say something.

1814
01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:50,680
Speaker 1: Okay, no, I was gonna say that's great. And I

1815
01:19:50,680 --> 01:19:55,800
Speaker 1: think that's when people supersede their physical their physical type

1816
01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:57,840
Speaker 1: with their attributes. Everything you just said one hundred percent,

1817
01:19:57,880 --> 01:20:00,240
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes people, you know, they forget that

1818
01:20:00,280 --> 01:20:02,479
Speaker 1: you also need the other side of it too, because pop.

1819
01:20:02,320 --> 01:20:05,639
Speaker 3: The balloon is what people popping, like the shoes.

1820
01:20:05,840 --> 01:20:16,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, my wife watches that. I like what you said

1821
01:20:16,240 --> 01:20:17,960
Speaker 1: because one of the things one hundred percent true. You

1822
01:20:18,040 --> 01:20:20,200
Speaker 1: can have a you can have an unhealthy type. But

1823
01:20:20,400 --> 01:20:22,280
Speaker 1: you know what I think it is. I think societal

1824
01:20:22,320 --> 01:20:24,720
Speaker 1: would tell Society told us that had to be a type. Right.

1825
01:20:25,000 --> 01:20:27,840
Speaker 1: So growing up as a dark skinned young man, people

1826
01:20:27,960 --> 01:20:30,000
Speaker 1: was shot that I found dark skinned woman was attractive.

1827
01:20:30,080 --> 01:20:34,240
Speaker 1: Like people were right because of what society told them.

1828
01:20:34,240 --> 01:20:36,200
Speaker 1: Only light skin with long hair, dark skin man, light

1829
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:40,200
Speaker 1: light skinned women. And I'm like, noah, I love, I'm

1830
01:20:40,240 --> 01:20:43,200
Speaker 1: obsessed me with a brown, dark skinned woman, Like that's

1831
01:20:43,280 --> 01:20:46,360
Speaker 1: always been my type. But that wasn't that wasn't where

1832
01:20:46,360 --> 01:20:48,280
Speaker 1: the type stopped. Because I see beauty in a lot

1833
01:20:48,320 --> 01:20:50,200
Speaker 1: of different shades, Like I've seen lighter women and just

1834
01:20:50,400 --> 01:20:52,439
Speaker 1: the third are attractive, right. But what I mean by that,

1835
01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:55,519
Speaker 1: I think again, I've just seen it too often where

1836
01:20:56,280 --> 01:20:58,920
Speaker 1: the they'll say, oh, I didn't marry my type, but

1837
01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:03,519
Speaker 1: then you're doing other stuff with people that quote unquote tight. Right,

1838
01:21:03,600 --> 01:21:05,040
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, no, you should marry your tight,

1839
01:21:05,120 --> 01:21:07,599
Speaker 1: but it shouldn't just be looked to your point. Should

1840
01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:11,000
Speaker 1: be exactly I say about my wife that I love

1841
01:21:11,080 --> 01:21:13,080
Speaker 1: that I knew when when the looks fade and the

1842
01:21:13,080 --> 01:21:15,400
Speaker 1: body fade, all those things. She's sweet and I think

1843
01:21:15,439 --> 01:21:18,439
Speaker 1: some things should supersede other things, right, and the fact

1844
01:21:18,439 --> 01:21:20,600
Speaker 1: that her sweetness that's never going to go away, like

1845
01:21:20,640 --> 01:21:22,880
Speaker 1: she'll be that till she's ninety. So I do think

1846
01:21:22,960 --> 01:21:25,160
Speaker 1: everything you say is one hundred percent true. But I

1847
01:21:26,040 --> 01:21:28,120
Speaker 1: just think people I think the church has hijacked a

1848
01:21:28,120 --> 01:21:31,160
Speaker 1: lot of people from pursuing are tight because they made

1849
01:21:31,160 --> 01:21:32,599
Speaker 1: it seem like, oh, it's only spiritual.

1850
01:21:32,640 --> 01:21:37,840
Speaker 8: No no, no, no, it's both physical man, exactly right,

1851
01:21:38,080 --> 01:21:43,880
Speaker 8: But she's not only thank you, come on, come on.

1852
01:21:44,240 --> 01:21:45,640
Speaker 2: This morning, I woke up, I said, you have the

1853
01:21:45,640 --> 01:21:55,400
Speaker 2: prettiest breast. That's the prettiest.

1854
01:21:58,040 --> 01:22:04,439
Speaker 1: Time, one hundred percent. And I think I just think

1855
01:22:04,479 --> 01:22:07,320
Speaker 1: that matters. I think we need to free people to

1856
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:09,880
Speaker 1: be okay with finding somebody attractive. But to your point,

1857
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:11,920
Speaker 1: it cannot stop there because and my wife looked the

1858
01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:14,400
Speaker 1: way she looked, but she was airhead or she had

1859
01:22:14,400 --> 01:22:18,880
Speaker 1: no you know, like, yeah, exactly back.

1860
01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:21,800
Speaker 2: To the street, you go, exactly, go yeah, Because at

1861
01:22:21,800 --> 01:22:23,680
Speaker 2: the end of the day, it's the core values that

1862
01:22:23,720 --> 01:22:26,240
Speaker 2: make it sustainable. Because be told, you can go on

1863
01:22:26,320 --> 01:22:28,640
Speaker 2: social media and see a bunch of pretty women, a

1864
01:22:28,680 --> 01:22:30,880
Speaker 2: bunch of hands and it didn't work.

1865
01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:33,000
Speaker 3: Out and dated all the I did, she was the

1866
01:22:33,040 --> 01:22:34,000
Speaker 3: baddest one. What happened.

1867
01:22:34,040 --> 01:22:35,960
Speaker 2: I just couldn't see myself whatever for the rest of

1868
01:22:35,960 --> 01:22:38,960
Speaker 2: my life. But she was everything you wanted statically. This

1869
01:22:39,080 --> 01:22:41,800
Speaker 2: man was everything you wanted statically. But oh my god,

1870
01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:43,519
Speaker 2: it was so hard to get a conversation out of

1871
01:22:43,520 --> 01:22:43,880
Speaker 2: this man.

1872
01:22:44,080 --> 01:22:44,639
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

1873
01:22:44,640 --> 01:22:46,760
Speaker 2: But he looked good, though, Yeah, he looked good. I

1874
01:22:46,800 --> 01:22:49,400
Speaker 2: love kissing my love rub than six pack. But you

1875
01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:50,400
Speaker 2: couldn't last six months.

1876
01:22:50,600 --> 01:22:52,639
Speaker 1: Always said, you don't need to marry the best looking

1877
01:22:52,640 --> 01:22:54,080
Speaker 1: person you ever met. You just need to marry the

1878
01:22:54,080 --> 01:22:56,000
Speaker 1: best person you ever met. I married the best person

1879
01:22:56,000 --> 01:22:57,960
Speaker 1: I've ever met, That's what I'm talking about, and she

1880
01:22:58,040 --> 01:22:58,840
Speaker 1: just happened to be fine.

1881
01:22:58,920 --> 01:23:01,840
Speaker 3: I love how you maade to early. If you chose it, that's.

1882
01:23:01,680 --> 01:23:03,920
Speaker 1: The one, exactly you chose it. That Like, people be like,

1883
01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:05,800
Speaker 1: how do I know the one? Like the Bible, the

1884
01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:08,120
Speaker 1: Bible said are suitable meat. The one you choose is

1885
01:23:08,160 --> 01:23:11,320
Speaker 1: the one. That's just the way it is. So yeah,

1886
01:23:11,400 --> 01:23:14,400
Speaker 1: people if you will be tripping, they be trying to like, nah, Doc,

1887
01:23:14,520 --> 01:23:19,240
Speaker 1: you chose that one, you know, so yeah, it make it,

1888
01:23:19,280 --> 01:23:21,400
Speaker 1: make it work, make it work, make it work. And

1889
01:23:21,439 --> 01:23:23,360
Speaker 1: it is work. And I think the more you know

1890
01:23:23,439 --> 01:23:26,120
Speaker 1: the person is the work becomes easier because you want

1891
01:23:26,120 --> 01:23:27,680
Speaker 1: to do it together. You know you you do it

1892
01:23:27,720 --> 01:23:30,120
Speaker 1: fourhands that you used to do it too, right, So

1893
01:23:30,160 --> 01:23:31,840
Speaker 1: and I think if you don't know the person but

1894
01:23:31,880 --> 01:23:34,439
Speaker 1: you're married, it's gonna it's a little bit more work,

1895
01:23:34,479 --> 01:23:35,559
Speaker 1: but you still got to make it work.

1896
01:23:35,680 --> 01:23:38,760
Speaker 3: Still gotta make it work. So the Known Conference is

1897
01:23:38,800 --> 01:23:39,559
Speaker 3: coming up.

1898
01:23:40,160 --> 01:23:44,280
Speaker 1: To six to seventh June sixth and seventh, super Punk Man.

1899
01:23:44,360 --> 01:23:49,160
Speaker 1: The lineup is Bananas. You guys will be there, yes, yes, yes, yes,

1900
01:23:50,080 --> 01:23:50,439
Speaker 1: I'm going.

1901
01:23:50,400 --> 01:23:53,120
Speaker 2: To hit the stage have a conversation, have the podcast,

1902
01:23:53,600 --> 01:23:55,879
Speaker 2: have some exciting guests at the Known conference.

1903
01:23:56,680 --> 01:23:58,040
Speaker 3: How can people purchase tickets?

1904
01:23:58,120 --> 01:24:00,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, so they can go Known Conferences with s dot com.

1905
01:24:01,040 --> 01:24:03,559
Speaker 1: I also have a coupon code for you guys. For

1906
01:24:03,600 --> 01:24:05,720
Speaker 1: anybody who listens to this, we're gonna give you a

1907
01:24:06,520 --> 01:24:09,519
Speaker 1: d FW pod. So that's the code. They can use

1908
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:11,759
Speaker 1: it give fifteen percent off of their tickets. So anyone

1909
01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:14,040
Speaker 1: who listens and in your community, they can listen. But

1910
01:24:14,080 --> 01:24:16,439
Speaker 1: yet Known Conferences dot Com, they can go to the Instagram.

1911
01:24:16,479 --> 01:24:20,599
Speaker 1: It's all in there. So yeah, yeah, yes, in DC,

1912
01:24:20,800 --> 01:24:23,040
Speaker 1: so Washington, DC, at the Naval Yard like we have.

1913
01:24:23,160 --> 01:24:25,759
Speaker 1: It's outside so it's a conference, but it's festival style,

1914
01:24:25,960 --> 01:24:28,600
Speaker 1: so they'll be activations, there be food vendors, all the

1915
01:24:28,600 --> 01:24:30,479
Speaker 1: stuff of DJ is gonna be incurredb We have the

1916
01:24:30,760 --> 01:24:33,840
Speaker 1: entire naval yard that we are taking over and taking

1917
01:24:33,920 --> 01:24:36,439
Speaker 1: territory for the Kingdom, and the goal is that this

1918
01:24:36,479 --> 01:24:38,800
Speaker 1: will become the biggest sessile in the DMV and then

1919
01:24:38,800 --> 01:24:41,400
Speaker 1: in the country, because there's nothing at scale like this

1920
01:24:41,800 --> 01:24:43,920
Speaker 1: for for for the faith, there's just not You either

1921
01:24:43,920 --> 01:24:46,160
Speaker 1: have one or the other. You either have respectfully the

1922
01:24:46,240 --> 01:24:48,439
Speaker 1: same you know, step and repeat type of conference in

1923
01:24:48,479 --> 01:24:51,280
Speaker 1: somebody's church or somebody's you know hall, where it's just

1924
01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:52,800
Speaker 1: a couple of books that you can buy and some

1925
01:24:52,840 --> 01:24:55,519
Speaker 1: t shirts and it's just the same, right, Or you

1926
01:24:55,520 --> 01:24:58,200
Speaker 1: go to one with our white brothers and sisters, there's

1927
01:24:58,240 --> 01:25:01,080
Speaker 1: just music, right, but there's nothing else usually. Let's be honest,

1928
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:04,160
Speaker 1: this is a scale where creatives can find their voice

1929
01:25:04,160 --> 01:25:06,360
Speaker 1: and their faith, people can find our next steps, people

1930
01:25:06,360 --> 01:25:09,479
Speaker 1: can find community and enjoy and actually like hear from

1931
01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:11,880
Speaker 1: different people that you wouldn't usually see in the same room.

1932
01:25:12,120 --> 01:25:14,599
Speaker 1: And we were intentional about that lineup. We were intentional

1933
01:25:14,600 --> 01:25:16,680
Speaker 1: about who we dropped, we were intentional about who we

1934
01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:19,200
Speaker 1: added right, because we wanted just to feel like something

1935
01:25:19,320 --> 01:25:22,240
Speaker 1: that you've never experienced before, our creatives and our like

1936
01:25:22,280 --> 01:25:24,519
Speaker 1: think about what you've been doing your entire life, there

1937
01:25:24,560 --> 01:25:26,200
Speaker 1: was nothing like this for you where you can hear

1938
01:25:26,240 --> 01:25:28,120
Speaker 1: from other Christian creatives.

1939
01:25:27,800 --> 01:25:30,880
Speaker 3: Exists, right, Relationships and marriages never heard.

1940
01:25:30,920 --> 01:25:32,760
Speaker 1: Never right? So why do we have to go to

1941
01:25:33,320 --> 01:25:35,840
Speaker 1: the world's version of these things. I shouldn't have to

1942
01:25:35,840 --> 01:25:38,960
Speaker 1: go to complex connor I shouldn't have to go to

1943
01:25:39,040 --> 01:25:40,960
Speaker 1: those things. We should be able to have our own thing.

1944
01:25:41,520 --> 01:25:43,240
Speaker 1: I'll share this because I lived by one of these

1945
01:25:43,280 --> 01:25:46,280
Speaker 1: quotes by Martin Luther. He says, the Christian shoemaker does

1946
01:25:46,320 --> 01:25:48,680
Speaker 1: not do his duty by putting crosses on shoes. He

1947
01:25:48,680 --> 01:25:51,080
Speaker 1: does his duty by making good shoes. Our job is

1948
01:25:51,120 --> 01:25:54,280
Speaker 1: to make stuff good. So when the when the grapes

1949
01:25:54,280 --> 01:25:56,120
Speaker 1: fall from the ground from our vineyards, we don't go

1950
01:25:56,200 --> 01:25:58,120
Speaker 1: back for them, but we leave them for the stranger

1951
01:25:58,160 --> 01:25:59,800
Speaker 1: and the soldier areas so they may come and ask,

1952
01:26:00,000 --> 01:26:02,599
Speaker 1: what are these festivals of y'ah li? That's what we're doing.

1953
01:26:03,080 --> 01:26:03,920
Speaker 1: That's what we're doing.

1954
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:07,400
Speaker 3: That was good, boy. You sound like you got a conference.

1955
01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:09,320
Speaker 1: Conference coming up?

1956
01:26:10,360 --> 01:26:12,479
Speaker 3: What so what made you call it? What made you

1957
01:26:12,680 --> 01:26:14,840
Speaker 3: marketed as the Christians?

1958
01:26:15,000 --> 01:26:17,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that that kind of came later. So non

1959
01:26:17,439 --> 01:26:20,600
Speaker 1: conference really started out this idea of I believe to

1960
01:26:21,200 --> 01:26:24,200
Speaker 1: the vulnerability and relationship that God cares about most so

1961
01:26:24,280 --> 01:26:26,439
Speaker 1: much that he took on an additional nature just so

1962
01:26:26,439 --> 01:26:28,120
Speaker 1: he could say he know how we feel. Right, So

1963
01:26:28,240 --> 01:26:30,920
Speaker 1: relationship matter that much to him, right, And I think

1964
01:26:30,960 --> 01:26:33,080
Speaker 1: it's the same thing I think to be known and

1965
01:26:33,200 --> 01:26:35,400
Speaker 1: in discipleship is that I also have to let you

1966
01:26:35,479 --> 01:26:37,240
Speaker 1: know me. I got to bring you into my life.

1967
01:26:37,240 --> 01:26:39,360
Speaker 1: Discipleship ain't this thing where I'm sitting up here and

1968
01:26:39,400 --> 01:26:41,960
Speaker 1: giving you instructions. It's like in the Bible they walk

1969
01:26:42,040 --> 01:26:44,760
Speaker 1: so closely the sand from his sandals will fall on them.

1970
01:26:44,920 --> 01:26:47,920
Speaker 1: So it's to be known, Like discipleship and relationship that

1971
01:26:47,960 --> 01:26:49,840
Speaker 1: God cares about is to be known, to know God

1972
01:26:49,840 --> 01:26:51,600
Speaker 1: and to know each other and to be known. And

1973
01:26:51,600 --> 01:26:52,520
Speaker 1: that's the vulnerability.

1974
01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:52,800
Speaker 3: Right.

1975
01:26:52,960 --> 01:26:55,840
Speaker 1: It's so easy to be a popular Christian person and

1976
01:26:55,880 --> 01:26:57,880
Speaker 1: you say all these cool things on your podcast, but

1977
01:26:57,920 --> 01:27:00,120
Speaker 1: don't nobody know you up close? And it wasn't you

1978
01:27:00,120 --> 01:27:03,559
Speaker 1: know part of partisan Fontaine says, the ones who know

1979
01:27:03,640 --> 01:27:05,160
Speaker 1: you don't love you, and the ones that love you

1980
01:27:05,240 --> 01:27:08,200
Speaker 1: don't know you, right, And I think that's what a

1981
01:27:08,240 --> 01:27:11,120
Speaker 1: lot of this is because they're not known. There's no

1982
01:27:11,240 --> 01:27:14,000
Speaker 1: you haven't allowed people to get up close, right, discipleship

1983
01:27:14,200 --> 01:27:16,400
Speaker 1: the brothers that our disciple that people are close to me,

1984
01:27:16,479 --> 01:27:17,880
Speaker 1: like they see the way I talk to my wife,

1985
01:27:17,920 --> 01:27:19,240
Speaker 1: they see the way I talk to my kids, they

1986
01:27:19,240 --> 01:27:21,160
Speaker 1: see my flaws, they see where I messed up, So

1987
01:27:21,360 --> 01:27:25,120
Speaker 1: all those things, that's discipleship. So that's to be known, right, No, God,

1988
01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:28,000
Speaker 1: that's first and foremost right. And then allow the vulnerability

1989
01:27:28,000 --> 01:27:30,240
Speaker 1: of other people to know you. So the Coachella for

1990
01:27:30,320 --> 01:27:31,960
Speaker 1: Christians kind of came about. It was kind of coining

1991
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:34,400
Speaker 1: through social media really, and it kind of just took

1992
01:27:34,439 --> 01:27:36,160
Speaker 1: off and I started thinking about it, like, yeah, because

1993
01:27:36,160 --> 01:27:39,040
Speaker 1: of this festival style outside on the grass, there's there's

1994
01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:40,960
Speaker 1: no chairs or anything like that, so we will be

1995
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:43,479
Speaker 1: on the grass for the main stage. You bring your

1996
01:27:43,560 --> 01:27:45,320
Speaker 1: yoga mat or your beach towel, and it's going to

1997
01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:45,920
Speaker 1: be a good time.

1998
01:27:46,280 --> 01:27:48,880
Speaker 2: I love it because it coincides with the mission of

1999
01:27:48,920 --> 01:27:51,720
Speaker 2: our church. Our church is to know Christ and make

2000
01:27:51,800 --> 01:27:54,200
Speaker 2: Christ known, and so that was so perfect.

2001
01:27:54,200 --> 01:27:57,040
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, I love all this.

2002
01:27:57,520 --> 01:28:01,559
Speaker 2: So so now what do you think knowing that your

2003
01:28:01,680 --> 01:28:05,040
Speaker 2: husband is birthing this and now y'all a partner together

2004
01:28:05,120 --> 01:28:07,920
Speaker 2: to bring this to the world. How do you feel

2005
01:28:08,120 --> 01:28:10,639
Speaker 2: being in a marriage that keeps God as a center.

2006
01:28:11,360 --> 01:28:13,720
Speaker 4: I feel blessed ultimately.

2007
01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:20,880
Speaker 9: I feel proud to see the progress, to see the

2008
01:28:20,920 --> 01:28:23,760
Speaker 9: successes and the failures.

2009
01:28:24,680 --> 01:28:28,320
Speaker 4: I feel less stressed because it's coming out. All this

2010
01:28:28,360 --> 01:28:30,839
Speaker 4: is about to be over, and I'm.

2011
01:28:30,680 --> 01:28:34,880
Speaker 9: Excited for the ones to come. You know, the connections

2012
01:28:34,880 --> 01:28:37,280
Speaker 9: that are being made, the lives that are being changed,

2013
01:28:37,640 --> 01:28:41,080
Speaker 9: the people who will know Christ, the people who will

2014
01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:44,720
Speaker 9: get deeper in community because we need each other. We

2015
01:28:44,800 --> 01:28:47,200
Speaker 9: need to be connected to other people of the faith

2016
01:28:47,240 --> 01:28:51,240
Speaker 9: in order to grow. I'm just excited about what's getting

2017
01:28:51,240 --> 01:28:55,599
Speaker 9: ready to happen. And I'm really proud of you and

2018
01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:59,559
Speaker 9: the things that you're doing, your audacity, your love for God,

2019
01:28:59,640 --> 01:29:00,800
Speaker 9: and your trust in God.

2020
01:29:01,280 --> 01:29:05,479
Speaker 3: So yeah, my mental job said y'all the other day

2021
01:29:05,520 --> 01:29:06,000
Speaker 3: and said.

2022
01:29:07,720 --> 01:29:10,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, we were making app and he's he had such

2023
01:29:10,760 --> 01:29:16,920
Speaker 1: a sweet seriousness about God that I think is very pallable, especially,

2024
01:29:17,080 --> 01:29:19,080
Speaker 1: and I told you, like, I respect to two type

2025
01:29:19,080 --> 01:29:20,880
Speaker 1: of men. I respect more men who really love their

2026
01:29:20,920 --> 01:29:23,880
Speaker 1: wives well and men who are genuinely sincere about the

2027
01:29:23,880 --> 01:29:25,920
Speaker 1: things that they're pursuing. Right, And he just seems like

2028
01:29:25,960 --> 01:29:28,880
Speaker 1: he's really serious about what he's doing for God, And

2029
01:29:28,920 --> 01:29:30,120
Speaker 1: those are the type of man that we want to

2030
01:29:30,120 --> 01:29:32,200
Speaker 1: be a part of it, right. And I'm not being

2031
01:29:32,200 --> 01:29:34,479
Speaker 1: sexist like obviously with women, but me specifically, Like, I

2032
01:29:34,560 --> 01:29:36,920
Speaker 1: just respect those type of men a lot more. Didn't

2033
01:29:36,920 --> 01:29:38,720
Speaker 1: see a lot of that growing up, right, there was

2034
01:29:38,800 --> 01:29:40,240
Speaker 1: it was it was just weird, and the things that

2035
01:29:40,320 --> 01:29:43,240
Speaker 1: we think are mainly is weird crazy.

2036
01:29:43,560 --> 01:29:45,720
Speaker 2: It was then opposite, like you saw a young man

2037
01:29:46,120 --> 01:29:47,799
Speaker 2: one years old on whatever you like?

2038
01:29:48,200 --> 01:29:49,000
Speaker 3: You loving God?

2039
01:29:51,040 --> 01:29:51,360
Speaker 1: Like what?

2040
01:29:51,880 --> 01:29:53,800
Speaker 2: And then the man that's in the for selling dope

2041
01:29:54,280 --> 01:29:56,040
Speaker 2: and all this other stuff running out the women.

2042
01:29:56,439 --> 01:29:57,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's all right.

2043
01:29:57,520 --> 01:30:00,479
Speaker 2: It was so strange in the neighborhood. But with a

2044
01:30:00,520 --> 01:30:02,519
Speaker 2: system in the car boom. I want to be like

2045
01:30:02,600 --> 01:30:05,720
Speaker 2: that the God I'm saving myself and man, you right,

2046
01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:09,040
Speaker 2: you know for real virgin you use virgin as a

2047
01:30:09,080 --> 01:30:09,479
Speaker 2: way of.

2048
01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:13,559
Speaker 1: Christ, and that's man. I know we out of time.

2049
01:30:13,600 --> 01:30:16,160
Speaker 1: But that's another thing. Purity is not tort to men

2050
01:30:16,200 --> 01:30:18,599
Speaker 1: the same way. It's tort at all. It's so strange.

2051
01:30:18,760 --> 01:30:21,800
Speaker 1: I tell you all the time. I wish hurdle some

2052
01:30:21,840 --> 01:30:24,160
Speaker 1: of the things, ah my like some of the things

2053
01:30:24,160 --> 01:30:26,439
Speaker 1: that still come up with my menu when I'm overwhelmed

2054
01:30:26,439 --> 01:30:28,720
Speaker 1: and stressed. I'm like, man, I wish I would avoid it.

2055
01:30:28,800 --> 01:30:30,800
Speaker 1: And I guess what my son will. I'm gonna make

2056
01:30:30,800 --> 01:30:33,519
Speaker 1: sure Maxwell do right. And I just I wish it

2057
01:30:33,640 --> 01:30:36,240
Speaker 1: was different. And the interesting dichotomy is the men that

2058
01:30:36,280 --> 01:30:39,800
Speaker 1: I started to find reverence for. It was like five

2059
01:30:39,840 --> 01:30:42,280
Speaker 1: percenters there. It's a sect of like Islam, and it's

2060
01:30:42,320 --> 01:30:46,320
Speaker 1: because they moved differently exactly. It was discipline even with

2061
01:30:46,360 --> 01:30:48,320
Speaker 1: their wives and stuff like that, and what the things

2062
01:30:48,320 --> 01:30:50,400
Speaker 1: they listened to was more conscious and things like that,

2063
01:30:50,520 --> 01:30:52,639
Speaker 1: and I resonated with them. And one of the things

2064
01:30:52,640 --> 01:30:54,160
Speaker 1: that brought me to the faith. You asked me, but

2065
01:30:54,280 --> 01:30:55,439
Speaker 1: I say it, all my life, I was not I

2066
01:30:55,479 --> 01:30:56,960
Speaker 1: was not raising the church or anything. I didn't get

2067
01:30:57,000 --> 01:30:59,639
Speaker 1: saved until I was twelve. And one of the things

2068
01:31:00,120 --> 01:31:02,439
Speaker 1: that happened is I asked a lot of questions, but

2069
01:31:02,479 --> 01:31:05,000
Speaker 1: I learned that from them, so I questioned everything. So

2070
01:31:05,040 --> 01:31:06,840
Speaker 1: then when I got said, I barely went to church,

2071
01:31:06,880 --> 01:31:08,560
Speaker 1: but I went the Bible study every Wednesday, just to

2072
01:31:08,640 --> 01:31:12,639
Speaker 1: question everything. And I figured out that God is a god,

2073
01:31:12,640 --> 01:31:14,800
Speaker 1: that evidence matters to God. That's the reason why he

2074
01:31:14,840 --> 01:31:17,320
Speaker 1: took on an additional nature, Like that's evidence to prove

2075
01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:19,280
Speaker 1: to us he is exactly what said. I tell you

2076
01:31:19,280 --> 01:31:21,120
Speaker 1: all the time. If it wasn't for the life and

2077
01:31:21,240 --> 01:31:23,519
Speaker 1: death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I'd be an atheist

2078
01:31:23,720 --> 01:31:26,320
Speaker 1: because I'm very much an intellectual on very much things

2079
01:31:26,360 --> 01:31:28,720
Speaker 1: have to make sense. But the fact that Jesus took

2080
01:31:28,800 --> 01:31:30,960
Speaker 1: you know that Jesus existed, that he took on his

2081
01:31:31,080 --> 01:31:32,760
Speaker 1: nature and he's one hundred percent God. I was like,

2082
01:31:33,160 --> 01:31:35,560
Speaker 1: oh no, like evidence matters, right, So I asked a

2083
01:31:35,560 --> 01:31:37,559
Speaker 1: whole bunch of questions. But those are the type of

2084
01:31:37,560 --> 01:31:38,920
Speaker 1: men that I started to see. I was just like

2085
01:31:39,240 --> 01:31:41,760
Speaker 1: what you were talking about, Oh, that ain't manly, like like,

2086
01:31:41,840 --> 01:31:44,120
Speaker 1: that's corny, like you the whack one. Like those people

2087
01:31:44,160 --> 01:31:45,800
Speaker 1: are corny. So yeah, a great point.

2088
01:31:46,000 --> 01:31:48,160
Speaker 2: But good now, something that can probably be wrapped up

2089
01:31:48,160 --> 01:31:49,200
Speaker 2: in one of your keys of love.

2090
01:31:49,600 --> 01:31:50,559
Speaker 3: To grab that box.

2091
01:31:50,880 --> 01:31:52,680
Speaker 2: I want GI, you and your wife to write a

2092
01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:55,320
Speaker 2: kid to Love Separate, y'all right, when individually y'all can

2093
01:31:55,400 --> 01:31:57,320
Speaker 2: use the box to write on. So grab that, put

2094
01:31:57,320 --> 01:31:59,000
Speaker 2: in your lap, put the whole thing in your lap.

2095
01:31:59,040 --> 01:31:59,320
Speaker 1: Okay.

2096
01:31:59,720 --> 01:32:03,440
Speaker 9: Yeah, I'm a woman of few words and great observation

2097
01:32:03,640 --> 01:32:07,880
Speaker 9: and great observation. But I guess you call it keta love. Yeah,

2098
01:32:08,080 --> 01:32:10,960
Speaker 9: My keda love is in all you're doing. Honor God.

2099
01:32:11,520 --> 01:32:14,840
Speaker 9: Are you doing everything that you do, the way you

2100
01:32:14,880 --> 01:32:17,160
Speaker 9: conduct yourself, the way you love your spouse, the way

2101
01:32:17,160 --> 01:32:19,280
Speaker 9: you love your children, the way you love your community.

2102
01:32:19,680 --> 01:32:23,960
Speaker 9: If you honor God, you'll be honoring to them because

2103
01:32:24,040 --> 01:32:26,120
Speaker 9: you know they're his children, and you want to be

2104
01:32:26,160 --> 01:32:27,160
Speaker 9: the best representation.

2105
01:32:27,400 --> 01:32:31,439
Speaker 1: So so sweet and so chish, all right, I put

2106
01:32:31,640 --> 01:32:35,800
Speaker 1: in between sex and work reside in the beauty of

2107
01:32:35,840 --> 01:32:40,240
Speaker 1: simple moments. I think I think we either think marriage

2108
01:32:40,280 --> 01:32:41,719
Speaker 1: is going to be a twenty four hour home fest

2109
01:32:41,760 --> 01:32:44,160
Speaker 1: it is not, or we think that, you know, it's

2110
01:32:44,240 --> 01:32:46,719
Speaker 1: just it's just the works, getting the kids here, paying

2111
01:32:46,720 --> 01:32:48,880
Speaker 1: for school. To say the third, the moments that I

2112
01:32:49,000 --> 01:32:51,479
Speaker 1: enjoy most in my marriage is when we're just up,

2113
01:32:51,840 --> 01:32:55,879
Speaker 1: just keyking about nothing, two o'clock in the morning, just

2114
01:32:55,880 --> 01:32:58,599
Speaker 1: just each other, you know, six o'clock in the morning,

2115
01:32:58,720 --> 01:33:02,479
Speaker 1: just each other, just nexting. I think intimacy is so

2116
01:33:02,560 --> 01:33:06,599
Speaker 1: important that I think everything bursts out of having true intimacy.

2117
01:33:06,600 --> 01:33:08,200
Speaker 1: And I'm glad that we waited because I think we

2118
01:33:08,320 --> 01:33:11,200
Speaker 1: learned intimacy without having to ever do anything, which is

2119
01:33:11,200 --> 01:33:14,479
Speaker 1: why we truly just enjoy being around each other. So yeah,

2120
01:33:14,479 --> 01:33:15,400
Speaker 1: so that's my key to love.

2121
01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:17,720
Speaker 2: Thank y'all so much for blessing us on the Dear

2122
01:33:17,720 --> 01:33:21,439
Speaker 2: Future WiFi podcast. Made the love you share today outlived

2123
01:33:21,520 --> 01:33:22,479
Speaker 2: the season you're in.

2124
01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:26,040
Speaker 7: May carry you through the days when words are few.

2125
01:33:26,160 --> 01:33:28,000
Speaker 4: And faith has to do the talking.

2126
01:33:28,200 --> 01:33:28,400
Speaker 1: Y'all.

2127
01:33:28,439 --> 01:33:29,679
Speaker 3: Give it up for the Ringdoves, y'all.

2128
01:33:31,080 --> 01:33:36,560
Speaker 2: Laderian thrusted suddenly into child protective services in twenty fifteen,

2129
01:33:36,800 --> 01:33:41,439
Speaker 2: my nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

2130
01:33:41,479 --> 01:33:46,800
Speaker 2: outside of kinship slim to none. Rmione, sixteen years old,

2131
01:33:47,040 --> 01:33:50,639
Speaker 2: black a boy with five years in the foster care

2132
01:33:50,680 --> 01:33:52,360
Speaker 2: system before I even knew his name.

2133
01:33:53,120 --> 01:33:56,880
Speaker 3: The likelihood have ever been adopted? Yep, you guessed it.

2134
01:33:57,479 --> 01:33:58,479
Speaker 3: Slim to none.

2135
01:34:00,040 --> 01:34:02,640
Speaker 2: While Ladarian and our money were trying to survive and

2136
01:34:02,680 --> 01:34:06,360
Speaker 2: barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system,

2137
01:34:06,400 --> 01:34:09,719
Speaker 2: I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having

2138
01:34:09,760 --> 01:34:11,760
Speaker 2: been a single father with a daughter who at that

2139
01:34:11,840 --> 01:34:14,479
Speaker 2: point was doing well in college. It was my time

2140
01:34:14,520 --> 01:34:21,160
Speaker 2: to live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

2141
01:34:22,120 --> 01:34:25,479
Speaker 2: There are just two many of our black children stuck

2142
01:34:25,760 --> 01:34:29,280
Speaker 2: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falter care system.

2143
01:34:29,760 --> 01:34:32,880
Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

2144
01:34:33,520 --> 01:34:34,799
Speaker 3: Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

2145
01:34:34,840 --> 01:34:37,040
Speaker 2: I had no ties to this other young king, but

2146
01:34:37,080 --> 01:34:39,680
Speaker 2: I felt God instructed me to adopt them also in

2147
01:34:39,720 --> 01:34:43,559
Speaker 2: an babe starting over with parenting should have been enough.

2148
01:34:43,640 --> 01:34:43,800
Speaker 1: Right.

2149
01:34:43,840 --> 01:34:46,639
Speaker 2: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

2150
01:34:46,640 --> 01:34:49,760
Speaker 2: bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the

2151
01:34:49,760 --> 01:34:54,240
Speaker 2: Falster care system should have decreased My agitation right joined

2152
01:34:54,280 --> 01:34:57,280
Speaker 2: the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization

2153
01:34:57,360 --> 01:35:00,679
Speaker 2: that helps find permanent adoptive homes for Chill and fossil

2154
01:35:00,680 --> 01:35:04,879
Speaker 2: Care should have led to some type of resolve. Right, No,

2155
01:35:04,920 --> 01:35:07,840
Speaker 2: not at all. None of it felt like I had

2156
01:35:07,920 --> 01:35:12,479
Speaker 2: done enough. I now realized that every one of those

2157
01:35:12,560 --> 01:35:16,400
Speaker 2: experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

2158
01:35:17,320 --> 01:35:18,160
Speaker 3: Kingdom Royal.

2159
01:35:19,080 --> 01:35:21,800
Speaker 2: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

2160
01:35:21,800 --> 01:35:25,000
Speaker 2: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

2161
01:35:25,040 --> 01:35:28,040
Speaker 2: the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole

2162
01:35:28,120 --> 01:35:32,760
Speaker 2: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,

2163
01:35:32,960 --> 01:35:37,120
Speaker 2: and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that

2164
01:35:37,160 --> 01:35:39,360
Speaker 2: they thought were impossible.

2165
01:35:40,479 --> 01:35:40,679
Speaker 3: Though.

2166
01:35:40,680 --> 01:35:42,920
Speaker 2: The young Kings will attend the local public schools that

2167
01:35:42,960 --> 01:35:46,840
Speaker 2: are in proximity to Kingdom Royal. Our at home curriculum

2168
01:35:46,960 --> 01:35:50,439
Speaker 2: will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending

2169
01:35:50,520 --> 01:35:55,400
Speaker 2: various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions

2170
01:35:55,400 --> 01:35:59,760
Speaker 2: about current events and even relevant historical contexts. Introducing them

2171
01:35:59,760 --> 01:36:03,600
Speaker 2: to gardening and landscaping. And even caring for our animals

2172
01:36:03,640 --> 01:36:07,439
Speaker 2: on our form and on site stables. We just launched

2173
01:36:07,479 --> 01:36:10,559
Speaker 2: our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two

2174
01:36:10,640 --> 01:36:11,639
Speaker 2: point eight million dollars.

2175
01:36:11,680 --> 01:36:13,320
Speaker 3: Now why two point eight million dollars?

2176
01:36:13,920 --> 01:36:14,120
Speaker 1: Well.

2177
01:36:14,120 --> 01:36:16,519
Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

2178
01:36:16,560 --> 01:36:20,479
Speaker 2: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

2179
01:36:20,720 --> 01:36:23,000
Speaker 2: One of the most notable successes was that one of

2180
01:36:23,000 --> 01:36:28,280
Speaker 2: the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

2181
01:36:28,600 --> 01:36:30,800
Speaker 2: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

2182
01:36:30,840 --> 01:36:34,200
Speaker 2: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

2183
01:36:34,240 --> 01:36:38,479
Speaker 2: plan for the homeless community. So, throughout the years, with

2184
01:36:38,560 --> 01:36:42,120
Speaker 2: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

2185
01:36:42,160 --> 01:36:43,360
Speaker 3: I knew if at that.

2186
01:36:43,400 --> 01:36:46,639
Speaker 2: Time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,

2187
01:36:47,120 --> 01:36:50,280
Speaker 2: we would have raised at least two point eight million

2188
01:36:50,360 --> 01:36:53,200
Speaker 2: dollars that could have really established long term support for

2189
01:36:53,280 --> 01:36:56,519
Speaker 2: the homeless community, or at least started a long term

2190
01:36:56,520 --> 01:37:01,439
Speaker 2: initiative to do so. This is my duo, this is

2191
01:37:01,520 --> 01:37:04,880
Speaker 2: our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at the

2192
01:37:04,960 --> 01:37:09,360
Speaker 2: root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys, who are

2193
01:37:09,400 --> 01:37:14,320
Speaker 2: already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system. I'm

2194
01:37:14,360 --> 01:37:17,799
Speaker 2: a Tarisarwick Phiel. I've been nominated for three Regional Emmys

2195
01:37:17,840 --> 01:37:20,439
Speaker 2: documenting my work with the homeless as well as my

2196
01:37:20,560 --> 01:37:25,360
Speaker 2: personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades, the greatest award for

2197
01:37:25,479 --> 01:37:31,120
Speaker 2: me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life.

2198
01:37:31,360 --> 01:37:35,000
Speaker 2: Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details, Crown a king

2199
01:37:35,840 --> 01:37:45,519
Speaker 2: and make a donation today. I hope you enjoyed this

2200
01:37:45,600 --> 01:37:49,559
Speaker 2: episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember belt live

2201
01:37:49,880 --> 01:37:54,280
Speaker 2: intentionally and transparently and don't stop loving. Make sure to

2202
01:37:54,320 --> 01:37:57,519
Speaker 2: subscribe to our Dear Future WIFEI YouTube channel. We're available

2203
01:37:57,520 --> 01:38:00,360
Speaker 2: on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Ditcher.

2204
01:38:00,640 --> 01:38:03,439
Speaker 3: Be welcome your support. Simply share our podcast with your

2205
01:38:03,479 --> 01:38:04,200
Speaker 3: friends and family.