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Speaker 1: If I were to asked y'all, what was the hardest

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Speaker 1: thing y'all had to deal with in your marriage?

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Speaker 2: What would that be?

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Speaker 3: I would probably say for me, it was when we

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Speaker 3: lost the baby.

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Speaker 4: Yes, sat grief is a.

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Speaker 3: Weird thing when you're not angry.

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Speaker 4: At God, we lost this child. But this happened to

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Speaker 4: her like they had to go in and cut her

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Speaker 4: tube oth and then us realizing that they didn't just

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Speaker 4: cut a part of her too, but it cut her

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Speaker 4: whole right too, And nobody told us that.

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Speaker 3: And that's why it was so difficult for us to

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Speaker 3: get pregnant. Doc is my bonus mom. I called Doc

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Speaker 3: and I'm telling her what happened, and she's like, mm hmm, okay, well,

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Speaker 3: I'm just gonna tell you this. You talking like you

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Speaker 3: don't know who God is there it is, so at

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Speaker 3: the end of the day, you gonna get pregnant and

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Speaker 3: watch it be on the right side. I don't care

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Speaker 3: what they say. By the time my da I was

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Speaker 3: supposed to come on, I was like, where's that. Oh

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Speaker 3: my god, I'm pregnant. They said, let's do an ultra

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Speaker 3: sound to make sure it's in the right placement this time.

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Speaker 4: So she goes to the left and there's nothing, like,

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Speaker 4: you don't see anything on the left side.

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Speaker 3: First of all, I was worried about the left over

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Speaker 3: it and the blood flow. She was like, no, it came

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Speaker 3: from over here. And then she goes she said, oh,

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Speaker 3: you don't have a tube over here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how if y'all were to name this

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Speaker 1: episode based on what y'all shared today, what would.

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Speaker 2: Be the name of this episode?

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Speaker 4: Love after Loss?

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Dear Future WIFEI podcast the Blacks.

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Speaker 3: How y'all doing, Hey, Hey, you're doing good? Thank you

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Speaker 3: for having us. I was not taught to be a wife.

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Speaker 3: My mom was a single mom before, so I watched

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Speaker 3: her do everything, and then when being in relationships, I'm

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Speaker 3: still watching her carry it all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I didn't ever expect that I would have the marriage

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Speaker 3: that I have today.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know anything about marriage or how a husband

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Speaker 4: was supposed to act to a wife. But I knew

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Speaker 4: how I was supposed to act as a person, So

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Speaker 4: I knew that I was going to treat her the

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Speaker 4: best way I knew how.

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Speaker 3: I started to realize, I'm like, what do I want

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Speaker 3: in a partner? I want you to be able to

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Speaker 3: trust me. I want you to be able to be

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Speaker 3: vulnerable with me, So how can I desire those things

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Speaker 3: for myself? But I'm not willing to give that to you.

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Speaker 3: I'm afraid of vulnerability while I'm asking you to be

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Speaker 3: vulnerable to me.

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Speaker 5: What made you know that she was the one that

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Speaker 5: you wanted to commit to for the first time?

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Speaker 6: So what started as a search for understanding became a

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Speaker 6: journey of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me

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Speaker 6: to this day, the day.

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Speaker 1: I got married November twenty second, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 5: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 5: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 5: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 1: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 1: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 2: You are the award, the.

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Speaker 1: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing,

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Speaker 1: and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 5: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 5: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 6: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 6: I'm the terrassaar Whitfield.

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Speaker 3: Ashley are wet Fielder. Welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Dear Future Wife Podcast. I'm your host

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Speaker 1: of Tarissar Whitfield and.

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Speaker 5: I'm Ashley our Whitfield.

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Speaker 1: Listen, are you still shacking up with us? If you're

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Speaker 1: still shacking up with us, come on, can we get

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Speaker 1: a commitment? Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure

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Speaker 1: you tun on your notification bell should be notified about

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Speaker 1: upcoming episodes. Let me tell you why it's so important

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Speaker 1: for you to subscribe to the podcast. Well, a lot

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Speaker 1: of advertisers, a lot of brands, when they're deciding how

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Speaker 1: to allocate their funds, they want to check and see

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Speaker 1: what kind of built in audience these platforms have. And

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Speaker 1: also I get a lot of y'all that complain that

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Speaker 1: we've had a live event or we went live on

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Speaker 1: YouTube and y'all didn't know about it. Well, that's how

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Speaker 1: you learned about it is to be subscribed and to

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Speaker 1: make sure that you turn on your notification bell. Remember,

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Speaker 1: the mission of the Dear Future wifeie podcast is to

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Speaker 1: increase marriage rates and decrease divorced statistics while providing these

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Speaker 1: tools so that we can do relationships a whole lot better.

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Speaker 1: So each guest is curated for that purpose. I know

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Speaker 1: a lot of y'all make question while we get certain

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Speaker 1: guests on the podcast, either you learn something from them

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Speaker 1: or what not to do, or you learn what to

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Speaker 1: do or give you hope.

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Speaker 2: On this thing called love.

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Speaker 1: I want to personally invite you to the one voyage

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Speaker 1: cruise that set sell October the twenty sixth through November

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Speaker 1: the first. Make sure that you use the code wifey.

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Speaker 1: We're going to be doing the Dear Future Wife podcast

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Speaker 1: live on the ship again. Those that joined us last year,

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Speaker 1: y'all knew how amazing it was.

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Speaker 2: At that time, Ashley.

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Speaker 5: Was your manager.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she was my manager.

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Speaker 1: So when people saw us on the cruise ship, even

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Speaker 1: though we were keeping our relationship private, they were like,

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Speaker 1: I know you ain't on a cruise with some with

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Speaker 1: another woman. That's got to be her, Like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: is it is?

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Speaker 2: It? Is it?

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Speaker 1: And so this time she gets to walk around full

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Speaker 1: glory and actually join me as a co host of

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Speaker 1: their Future Wifey. So it's going to be an amazing event.

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Speaker 1: Make sure you click the link in the description. Well,

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Speaker 1: today's episode is gonna be fun. This past week's episode.

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Speaker 1: We did it live at BCI and they were a

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Speaker 1: part of the panel, and I want to get more

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Speaker 1: information out of them about their story because they have

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Speaker 1: an extremely impactful story, and so I invited them to

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Speaker 1: come on the podcast for their solo episode.

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Speaker 2: So, without further ado, well to Dear Future Wife podcast.

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Speaker 2: My homies, the Blacks, how y'all doing good? Thank you

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Speaker 2: for having us call you this money.

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Speaker 4: You can call me money. You came, mister blak. Come

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Speaker 4: when they're just don't call me late for dinner, whatever

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Speaker 4: you want to do, because.

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Speaker 1: I've noticed every time I looked at my in my comments,

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Speaker 1: they'd be like money, money, Money, and I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I've been calling them by his government name, Mindarius, and

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Speaker 1: you like, no, just call me money. So as long

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Speaker 1: as I don't call you late for dinner and Hayley,

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Speaker 1: so listen man, Thank y'all so much for coming on

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Speaker 1: the Deer Future Wifey podcast. Actually, now you get a

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Speaker 1: chance to have a conversation with them and hear how

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Speaker 1: dynamic their story is.

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Speaker 5: That's right, you said, my homebies, but they're really our home.

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Speaker 2: Our home is now.

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Speaker 1: Because before we started recording, they was swapping skincare.

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Speaker 7: Routines, and I got you those kind of essentials that

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Speaker 7: you need to be able to get.

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Speaker 3: You know, ready quickly, Look, you can't keep the good stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So my dares looking like they just they just

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Speaker 1: the whole conversation sharing about micro blade and then.

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Speaker 3: Their tips is waking up. Put water in a rag on.

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Speaker 4: I face all. We need to do whatever works well.

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Speaker 1: We want to celebrate you, because today, what did you

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Speaker 1: just do?

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Speaker 3: Y'all? I've paid off my student loans today I'm done

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Speaker 3: with South Yes, we.

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Speaker 2: Made was the was the was the other woman in

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Speaker 2: y'all relationship.

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Speaker 3: She was doing too much for one of us my money.

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Speaker 3: You need to handle that, Okay, we can.

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Speaker 2: Okay. So y'all have been married for how many years?

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Speaker 5: Now?

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Speaker 3: Three?

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Speaker 4: Three?

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Speaker 2: Three years? What's the date? Which one?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? I was about to say, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Had two dates.

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Speaker 1: Y'all had a date that y'all got married that no

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Speaker 1: one else knew, and then the date that your family and.

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Speaker 2: Friends knew about.

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Speaker 4: So the May twentieth is when we got married in

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Speaker 4: the States, and then July twenty eighth is when we

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Speaker 4: got married in Greece.

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Speaker 2: But y'all celebrate both days.

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Speaker 4: So we celebrate. July is what we celebrate.

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Speaker 1: Yes, so that's what y'all consider y'all got. But the license,

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Speaker 1: what does that say? The twentieth the twentieth May?

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Speaker 3: Okay, like on the twentieth of May, it's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: happy anniversary. But this so what we're doing, right.

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Speaker 5: So what made y'all do it that way?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 4: As far as getting married in Greece, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, the two separate dates, I'll say this. When

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Speaker 3: it came to getting married in May, one part was

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Speaker 3: I realized once we were going like through the paperwork

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Speaker 3: trying to figure everything out, that they wanted us to

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Speaker 3: melt something. At one point, I said, I don't need

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Speaker 3: to find out ten years later that we're not legally

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Speaker 3: married because something got lost somewhere. So I was like,

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Speaker 3: let's legally do it in the States. But we didn't

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Speaker 3: tell anybody at the time because a lot of people

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Speaker 3: already felt some type of way about us getting married

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Speaker 3: in Greece, and we didn't plan on doing anything either

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Speaker 3: than actually, let's go get married and then we're gonna

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Speaker 3: like we got married with my pastor and then we

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Speaker 3: went back home. And so we didn't want people to

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Speaker 3: be offended that they weren't invited to that, but we

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Speaker 3: wanted it to be private between the two of us,

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Speaker 3: so we kept that one a secret, and for the longest,

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Speaker 3: everybody just thought Greece was it. And I want to say,

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Speaker 3: last year, I think is when a lot of people

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Speaker 3: found out.

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Speaker 4: It's like, oh, maybe right now, a lot of people

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Speaker 4: right now, there's a lot of y'all that didn't know that.

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Speaker 4: Ny twentieth is when we got married. It really don't matter, y'all,

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Speaker 4: because it's the day we celebrate or don't celebrate. Actually

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Speaker 4: do July twenty eighth, Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Y'all celebrate July twenty eighth. And so the day we're

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Speaker 1: recording this episode of July, what's.

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Speaker 2: The day's day?

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Speaker 3: Sixteen sixteen sixteenth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so y'all be celebrating y'all's four years. It would

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Speaker 1: be four years, right, or.

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Speaker 2: Be three?

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Speaker 1: So y'all's been saying, y'all have been married for three

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Speaker 1: years because of the main because of the may. Okay, so.

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Speaker 4: We all hear.

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Speaker 5: We all hear that you for getting us up to speed.

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Speaker 1: So what's the thing that I'm asking both of y'all this,

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Speaker 1: What has Mariage taught you about yourself in these last

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Speaker 1: three years.

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Speaker 3: Ooh I said this online and they ate me up

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Speaker 3: for it. Really, yeah, I don't like apologize now I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna do it, but it really made it made me

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Speaker 3: realize how prideful I could be, for sure, because I

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Speaker 3: can know I'm wrong and i'd be like, ah, but

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Speaker 3: when I got married. When I got married, it was

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Speaker 3: one of those things that I'm like, okay, look or

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Speaker 3: really not even just got married, because it was one

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Speaker 3: of those things that show up just being in a relationship.

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Speaker 3: But I started thinking to myself, for starters, the Holy

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Speaker 3: Spirit was sining conviction quickly, and I mean we just

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Speaker 3: had this conversation and maybe ten minutes later, it's like, now,

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Speaker 3: go fix it. And I'm sitting here like now from

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Speaker 3: the time that the Holy Spirit is given, like, go

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Speaker 3: fix it. I might have said so maybe two hours later,

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Speaker 3: but because I'm the whole time, I'm sitting here like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I gotta go in here and tell

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Speaker 3: this man and I was wrong.

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Speaker 8: I gotta say I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: He is so patient too, so that makes matters worse

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Speaker 3: because I'm just like and he just sit there and

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Speaker 3: was like okay, So I gotta come back and come

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Speaker 3: find you. Mm hmmmmm. He because he I'll say this.

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Speaker 2: I remember.

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Speaker 3: I remember one incident specifically where we standing in the

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Speaker 3: kitchen and it was something I think I had to

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Speaker 3: do with like travel, and I wanted to go on

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Speaker 3: like these particular dates because I was like, this is

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Speaker 3: when it's supposed to be. And I can't remember what

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Speaker 3: was going on, but I had the dates completely wrong.

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Speaker 3: But I was going so hard about these dates and

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Speaker 3: we don't like. He doesn't argue, so he's just like,

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Speaker 3: are you sure I don't think that's the case, and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I think it is. He's like, okay, Haley.

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Speaker 3: And then I had to go to the store. I'm

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Speaker 3: driving a Dollar General and then I like, on my

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Speaker 3: way there, I'm like it hits me. I'm like, actually, let.

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Speaker 2: Me go check.

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Speaker 3: So I go look and immediately I feel so guilty

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Speaker 3: because I was like, no, I'm telling you, like you're

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Speaker 3: always forgetting stuff. This is what it is. I came

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Speaker 3: back home. I walked in the house. I see him

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Speaker 3: he's washing dishes. I go into the room. I come

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Speaker 3: back out and I'm looking and I'm like, okay, I

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Speaker 3: got to tell him I'm sorry. I go to him

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, hey, because I try to give like

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Speaker 3: a real apology though I wanted to be thoughtful, so

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Speaker 3: I was first thing I started. I was apologizing. I

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Speaker 3: shouldn't have said this the way that I did, and

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Speaker 3: I understand that, like my tone of voice was not it.

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Speaker 3: I was talking down and I was wrong. I went

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Speaker 3: back and I looked, and you were right, And he's

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Speaker 3: just sitting there like thank you, and he came with me.

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Speaker 3: He'll give me a hug. But I don't like apologizing,

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Speaker 3: he said, live yeah, I'm made a video about it.

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Speaker 3: Like the next day, I said, y'all know one thing

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Speaker 3: that I realized, I hate apologizing, Like it eats me up.

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Speaker 3: Now I'm gonna do it because I love my man

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Speaker 3: and I like a healthy marriage, but it's eating me

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Speaker 3: up from the time that I do it, and then

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Speaker 3: afterwards I feel good, but like leading up to it,

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Speaker 3: I do not like it.

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Speaker 2: They say back, Oh.

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Speaker 3: My gosh, this is so toxic. I can't believe it.

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Speaker 3: Anybody who loves their person, they just wouldn't be this

285
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Speaker 3: hard to apologize. I'm like, okay, y'all, y'all st I'm like,

286
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Speaker 3: I'm I'm being transparent. Me and pride, we talk. We

287
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Speaker 3: be tussling, but you know what, I'm not gonna let

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Speaker 3: it win. I ain't gonna let it win. But we

289
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Speaker 3: do be tussling long time.

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Speaker 4: They not even apologizing for comment right now, I don't

291
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Speaker 4: have nobody to apologize too.

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Speaker 2: So it's a little something that taught you.

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Speaker 4: So I'll say for me, I guess I would say

294
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Speaker 4: I was too patient. So whenever we would have conflict

295
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Speaker 4: a lot of times early on before marriage, I would

296
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Speaker 4: be like, Okay, let me think about it. And then

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Speaker 4: it will be next week and she would be like,

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Speaker 4: have you thought about it? Like, oh no, let me

299
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Speaker 4: think about it, and then another week would come and

300
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Speaker 4: now she is so mad about it. But I'm I'm

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Speaker 4: a person who was like, oh, it'll die down. Like

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Speaker 4: it'll die down, we won't worry about it. We've had

303
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Speaker 4: good days, It'll be okay. And then we had to

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Speaker 4: come to a compromise. We'd be like, Okay, if you

305
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Speaker 4: say you're gonna think about it, you have to think

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Speaker 4: about it within the next hour or two, and then

307
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Speaker 4: we will talk about it. So now I've gotten to

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Speaker 4: the point where if they're if I feel a way

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Speaker 4: or I feel like she feels a way. Let's talk

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Speaker 4: about this right now. Let's let's go ahead and get

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Speaker 4: this off our chest. Now. I don't like to go

312
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Speaker 4: to sleep mad at each other, like we we got

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Speaker 4: on that early on. I feel like I was like

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Speaker 4: because the first time I did that, when I was

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Speaker 4: pushing dates back, I was like, I don't like how

316
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Speaker 4: this feels. I don't like going to sleep and either

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Speaker 4: like if you're in Winston and I was in north

318
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Speaker 4: and I was in Shelby, we're not calling and staying

319
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Speaker 4: on the phone the whole time or whatever, and I'm like,

320
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Speaker 4: just what if something happens And the last thing I

321
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Speaker 4: remember is us having this back and forth about nothing.

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Speaker 4: And I didn't even want to face it. So early on,

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Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, let's just make sure that we

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Speaker 4: don't even go to sleep angry at each other.

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Speaker 1: And so you would avoid it, Yes, I was very avoidant,

326
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Speaker 1: but you always liked that growing up.

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Speaker 4: I would say with conflict, yeah, maybe so I would,

328
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Speaker 4: I think, so, Maybe I don't. I really don't have

329
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Speaker 4: a lot of conflict. I don't. I don't have a

330
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Speaker 4: lot of people who are like mad at me or like,

331
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Speaker 4: I don't know I haven't been a person who like

332
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Speaker 4: gets in trouble or anything like that.

333
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Speaker 2: So he was a good kids.

334
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Speaker 4: Let's say.

335
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Speaker 3: Yeah, the most I can say I can say from

336
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,360
Speaker 3: the outside, like looking in, he is somebody with his friends.

337
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,920
Speaker 3: He dresses addresses things like very quickly.

338
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Speaker 2: Okay.

339
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:04,800
Speaker 3: But I can see with like like family dynamics, maybe

340
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,840
Speaker 3: a little bit difference like okay, because I don't want

341
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,760
Speaker 3: it to be like a big bigger deal than what

342
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:09,240
Speaker 3: it like.

343
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Speaker 4: What it is, knowing too, because this is my first

344
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Speaker 4: like she was my first girlfriend, first wife, first, all

345
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Speaker 4: of that. Like, So I'm like, she was your first girlfriend,

346
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:22,880
Speaker 4: first girlfriend for sure? Now age what age where we met?

347
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,560
Speaker 4: Twenty I was twenty two?

348
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Speaker 1: Maybe so you went to college play basketball. This is

349
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Speaker 1: the first girlfriend you ever had?

350
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Speaker 4: Girlfriend?

351
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 3: Yes, girl, girlfriend, I'm not saying what I normally say,

352
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,120
Speaker 3: but she is.

353
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Speaker 4: The first girl to ever have a title for me

354
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Speaker 4: for sure? For sure.

355
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:45,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, girlfriend, I'm like, first I committed to.

356
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:48,520
Speaker 4: Yes, for sure, deadly the first person I committed to.

357
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Speaker 2: You know what, how did you feel about that? Did

358
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:52,280
Speaker 2: you feel special?

359
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:57,080
Speaker 3: I suppose so, like because after the fact, because we

360
00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,520
Speaker 3: were friends first, when we became friends, always thought it

361
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,320
Speaker 3: was weird. I was like, you ain't never had a girlfriend?

362
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,560
Speaker 3: And I was like, and know when because we were friends,

363
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,200
Speaker 3: I knew some things. I was like, and you don't

364
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,320
Speaker 3: nobody I remember. I used to say this all the

365
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:14,000
Speaker 3: time when we met. I said, there's this one individual.

366
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,640
Speaker 3: I thought she was bad. I said, why not? He

367
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,040
Speaker 3: was like, he said, I'm not ready? What did you say?

368
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,920
Speaker 3: He said, until I'm ready to commit, That's what it is.

369
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,560
Speaker 3: Until I know that I can be faithful to a person,

370
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,920
Speaker 3: I'm not going to get in a relationship.

371
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,080
Speaker 2: That's good. I respect that.

372
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:28,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's good.

373
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,080
Speaker 1: And so how did you feel about her co signing

374
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 1: on this other girl? Did it make you want her more?

375
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,040
Speaker 1: Or did you still don't care about the girl when

376
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,200
Speaker 1: she said yeah, because he said she was trying to

377
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,960
Speaker 1: basically run run the play and be like, look, I'm

378
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,480
Speaker 1: shaking head.

379
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 4: Nah. I think I was at that point stuck in

380
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,680
Speaker 4: my ways. And we talk about a lot how I

381
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,440
Speaker 4: don't have a lot of males in my life who

382
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,800
Speaker 4: have shown me what a healthy relationship looks like. I've

383
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 4: seen a lot of single women or women who have

384
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,800
Speaker 4: men in their life that they have more bad days

385
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 4: and good And I didn't want to be a person

386
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 4: who was like that. Yes, I still took away some

387
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,520
Speaker 4: of those things, as in I was doing things I

388
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,159
Speaker 4: probably shouldn't have been. But at the same time, I

389
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,120
Speaker 4: don't want to give them no empty promises. I don't

390
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:14,040
Speaker 4: want to be hurting anybody's feelings or like telling any

391
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:17,280
Speaker 4: lies to anybody in any aspect. So even if it's

392
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:21,120
Speaker 4: a thing of if somebody finds out that I'm doing

393
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,520
Speaker 4: something with somebody else, yes I am. I will tell

394
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,399
Speaker 4: you straight up. I was not holding anything back and

395
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:28,080
Speaker 4: never I always wanted to be a person where I

396
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 4: was up front because I saw it hurt so many women.

397
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,480
Speaker 2: In my life. Yeah, that's real.

398
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,640
Speaker 1: And so did you appreciate that transparency and that honesty

399
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,919
Speaker 1: as you know by you being his friend?

400
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,960
Speaker 3: Oh I did, I really did. I will say, especially

401
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 3: in college, everybody out here in these streets and they

402
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 3: keeping it a secret and they hit people on. So

403
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,040
Speaker 3: the one thing I used to say is, well, at

404
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,159
Speaker 3: least you ain't leave nobody on. I guess they know

405
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:50,359
Speaker 3: what it is and this is what they si. I

406
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,399
Speaker 3: don't know for you know, you do? You have fun?

407
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:58,360
Speaker 5: So what made you know that she was the one

408
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,800
Speaker 5: that you wanted to commit to for.

409
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 4: The time, So what made me know? And it's crazy though, because.

410
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:06,000
Speaker 2: It's crazy.

411
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 4: We're talking to our friends about this because they made

412
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,480
Speaker 4: a comment saying that one of their one of them

413
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,760
Speaker 4: did something and was like, you are the perfect mate,

414
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,560
Speaker 4: but just not for me. And at that point in time,

415
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,359
Speaker 4: I was still this guy who she was trying to

416
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:19,800
Speaker 4: get to get with, this other person who was not

417
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,959
Speaker 4: ready for comedic relationship. And I'm like, you are the

418
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,320
Speaker 4: person like you you are right here in my face,

419
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,199
Speaker 4: but I just don't know what to do with that

420
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,880
Speaker 4: because I had never been in a relationship. I never

421
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 4: had these feelings for anybody, and I didn't know how

422
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 4: to approach those feelings. And I told her this while

423
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:40,399
Speaker 4: we were friends. I was like, am I told her

424
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 4: straight up, like I have these feelings for you, Like

425
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,720
Speaker 4: I definitely could see myself with you, but I don't know.

426
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,120
Speaker 4: I don't know how to do this right now. And

427
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,720
Speaker 4: I was like, you can you can answer me right now,

428
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,400
Speaker 4: or you don't have to say anything. And we were

429
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,960
Speaker 4: coming back from where she's from our drive back quiet,

430
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:57,720
Speaker 4: I turned.

431
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:04,639
Speaker 3: Radio hour because okay, I'm gonna say this. He was

432
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 3: acting weird in the car, and I thought because I

433
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 3: told him we was going to my grandmama's house and

434
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 3: she lived in the hood, and I told him. I says,

435
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,240
Speaker 3: they're in the car. He adin't stay in the car. So, like,

436
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 3: when we get back in the car and we leave it,

437
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 3: I'm seeing her thinking he's judging me. I'm like, why

438
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,239
Speaker 3: are you looking at me like this?

439
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 4: Mind you, neither of us know each other's home life,

440
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 4: so she don't even know.

441
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:24,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're from that.

442
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:27,959
Speaker 3: Yeah. So I'm sitting here thinking like you judging me?

443
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 3: And this, that and the third I'm like, goodness, And

444
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 3: so he was looking at me. I'm like, what's up?

445
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,439
Speaker 3: He tells me all of this, all of that, just

446
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:37,280
Speaker 3: lets it all out, and then he goes on to say,

447
00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,959
Speaker 3: but I can't really do nothing about it because I'm

448
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,119
Speaker 3: not ready for a relationship. And you don't have to

449
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,400
Speaker 3: say anything if you don't want to. So I turned

450
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:48,120
Speaker 3: the radio, y'all, and I added I added this song

451
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 3: to my playlist in case you didn't know, which is

452
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,159
Speaker 3: a country song. It's a man telling this woman in

453
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 3: case you don't know, I love you.

454
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:57,320
Speaker 6: Yes.

455
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,000
Speaker 3: I thought it was the funniest thing. It's on my

456
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 3: playlist to this day.

457
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 2: After that was.

458
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 3: Off, after we got to get I'm like, there was

459
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 3: no point in me knowing this information. So what I

460
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,600
Speaker 3: did was I just started dating. I'm like, not that

461
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,520
Speaker 3: I wasn't dating before, but I wasn't so openly dating

462
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,360
Speaker 3: a lot because like we didn't have anything going on.

463
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I need you to see what you're

464
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 3: missing out on and let's go, because why are you.

465
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 2: Telling me so you was crushing on him? Then?

466
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:34,439
Speaker 3: I look, I was now, I was freshly. It was

467
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 3: my first time being single in my dual life. I

468
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 3: was specially out of a relationship at the time, and

469
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 3: I kept thinking, like, he is kind of cute, but

470
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,919
Speaker 3: I also know what you're about.

471
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't know.

472
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 3: I don't know.

473
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 5: Are you guys the same age?

474
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 4: Two years older?

475
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:50,919
Speaker 5: Okay?

476
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 4: So you were too, You be twenty eight this year.

477
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:56,359
Speaker 4: Let's relax.

478
00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 5: So he was twenty two, you were twenty yes, okay.

479
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,679
Speaker 1: Okay, So, and so in your mind, you was just like,

480
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,919
Speaker 1: all right, Oftenna, you was doing it to make him jealous?

481
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, A part of it was definitely was jealousy. Then

482
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,680
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, fine, there was no point in

483
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,359
Speaker 3: you telling me this, but now I'm about to make

484
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 3: you feel some type of way.

485
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 2: Let you feel that type of way.

486
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,400
Speaker 4: I'll say early on, early on, No, because I set

487
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 4: her up on one of her days because we were friends.

488
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 4: We were friends.

489
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,520
Speaker 1: So you mean even after you done poured your heart

490
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 1: out sort of kind of ish, then you said, all right,

491
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with it. So I'm

492
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 1: gonna find you somebody else that knows what to do

493
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: with how I feel about you.

494
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:41,439
Speaker 3: So I saw this person after a basketball game and

495
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 3: I was walking like, okay, we're at a basketball game.

496
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 3: We're leaving. We had all driven there together, and I

497
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 3: go up to find money. I'm like, we're about to leave,

498
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,119
Speaker 3: and he was at the trunk with car with another individual,

499
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,880
Speaker 3: and so I walk up and I'm about to tell money.

500
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, we're about to leave. This guy steps

501
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 3: in front of money and says, hey, my name is whatever.

502
00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 3: I said, my name is Haley. The next day, I

503
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 3: FaceTime money is in the morning and he did. He

504
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 3: didn't have his headphones in and I didn't know who

505
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,239
Speaker 3: he was with, but I said, buddy from last night

506
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 3: was fine, like, can you hook can you hook me up?

507
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 3: He turns the camera around yes, and he heard it

508
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 3: and he was like, so he sent me his number

509
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 3: and I was.

510
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 4: Like, okay, more the story didn't work out.

511
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 3: This is where it really dawned on me my feels

512
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:26,919
Speaker 3: for him. When I was out on the date with

513
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 3: this guy. The whole time I was thinking, if I

514
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,399
Speaker 3: kissed this man or it goes anywhere with this man,

515
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 3: I would not have a chance with him.

516
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 2: Is that true? For really?

517
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:41,159
Speaker 4: For sure? Why me and him were teammates. We played

518
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,120
Speaker 4: on the same basketball team together, Like you said, we

519
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 4: was hanging out with me and him working. So if that,

520
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 4: if they would have went any step further, they would

521
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:49,480
Speaker 4: have this wouldn't be it.

522
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: So in your mind you already so even when you

523
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 1: gave her the then you you literally said, if what

524
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: she conducts herself in this lets.

525
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,280
Speaker 2: Me know what you've done.

526
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,400
Speaker 4: Lay you get fouled and hit two free throws. Either

527
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:05,120
Speaker 4: way it goes.

528
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:06,640
Speaker 3: You try to sabotize the day.

529
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 4: Though I didn't try to sabotize.

530
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 5: The day, but he tried to sabize.

531
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 4: So I'll say it from my point of view the

532
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 4: way Hailey says it is so like Haley said, we

533
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 4: all hung out together all the time, not this guy. No, no, no.

534
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 4: We had a group. It was four of us and

535
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 4: we always hung out together. And on this particular day,

536
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,360
Speaker 4: which was today, she was going out on the date

537
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 4: with the guy. Haley is am I the whole day,

538
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 4: though not not just the night, she is the whole day.

539
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 4: So me, I forgot that because she told me weeks

540
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 4: before that they were going on the date. So it's

541
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 4: maybe two weeks later. I don't forgot this ain't my date, right.

542
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,080
Speaker 4: So I'm with the other two people in our group

543
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 4: and they're asking where Haley is. They're calling her. I'm

544
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,720
Speaker 4: calling her. She's not answer my phone call, she's not

545
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 4: texting back. Even though she knows that I'm supposed to

546
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:55,360
Speaker 4: know where she's at, she's still not even telling me, like, hey,

547
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 4: I'm with such and sing say nothing. So it dawned

548
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 4: on me maybe like right before she was about to

549
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,680
Speaker 4: come back, and I was like, oh, I know where

550
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 4: she's at. And I said it out loud to the

551
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 4: other two in the group, and I was like, I

552
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:12,679
Speaker 4: wasn't supposed to tell y'all. Though I didn't say it

553
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,880
Speaker 4: to them, but I was like, I was not supposed

554
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 4: to say it to y'all. And one of our friends

555
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 4: called Haley calling her text in there you better not

556
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 4: be with that man. You better not like she going in,

557
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 4: I'm wow, why she hating?

558
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 2: Let's just say this.

559
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 3: There's time I went out with someone that was not black,

560
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 3: and so she was like, ain't no way.

561
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 1: And I'm.

562
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,760
Speaker 3: No, like, hold on, let me see. You weren'tupposed to

563
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 3: know yet.

564
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 2: It's a secret.

565
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 4: Which that wasn't me though, it was God. And he

566
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 4: brought us here. He brought us here, He brought us here.

567
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,920
Speaker 3: We wouldn't be here today anyway.

568
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: I was just he said, you just said the name loud.

569
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 2: Ye let me just calling. Oh that's hilarious.

570
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,359
Speaker 1: And so from that point on, how did it transition

571
00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:22,000
Speaker 1: from that we friends? Straight platonic friends? Or were y'all

572
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 1: kissing cousins? Okay, y'all just straight platonic friends? And then

573
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: how did that? How did it transition?

574
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 3: So fall of.

575
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: Twenty nineteen, so how long is this from the from

576
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,359
Speaker 1: that conversation that he had how many months later?

577
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,359
Speaker 3: A couple of months because like it was right before summer.

578
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, didn't you tell him how the date went?

579
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,360
Speaker 3: I did. I did tell him how the date went.

580
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 3: I think I went on a date like right after that,

581
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 3: and I.

582
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 4: Was like, yeah, because Haley. Haley was dating, but it

583
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 4: was a It wasn't a thing of like how modern

584
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 4: dating is now. You know, people go on dates. They

585
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 4: you spend this money on me. I got to come

586
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 4: back to.

587
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 2: Your own though.

588
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 4: Haley was send a long dissertation about what we are

589
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 4: and are not doing and if you try to do

590
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,920
Speaker 4: these things, I'm going home.

591
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 3: Because Okay.

592
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,480
Speaker 4: When she told me the message, I was like.

593
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:18,360
Speaker 5: The dat.

594
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 3: I thought it was the craziest thing people out here thinking, Oh,

595
00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 3: you take me out on the date, you buy a cheeseburger,

596
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 3: and you about to get something. I'm like, what is that?

597
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 3: First of all? That right, it's crazy to me. So

598
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 3: I'm like okay, And of course I'm like, of course,

599
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: I'm sitting here like okay. I don't want there to

600
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 3: be a misunderstanding when we go out. So one, I

601
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 3: am expecting that you were coming to pick me up

602
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 3: and you are paying for the date. That is like

603
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,880
Speaker 3: my thought process. So I want you to know when

604
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:49,840
Speaker 3: that is what my expectation is. But if you are

605
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 3: expecting anything, I'm not even kissing you on the first day.

606
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 3: I don't know where your lips been. I don't know

607
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 3: you could have some stuff. I was so serious about it,

608
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 3: so I always send a message if a guy asked

609
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 3: me out. And it actually got to the point of like,

610
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,199
Speaker 3: this is the date that I want to come, this

611
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 3: is what we want to do, I'm like, okay, I

612
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 3: just need you to know these are my expectations and

613
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 3: this is what I am not doing. So if that

614
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 3: makes you uncomfortable, I don't then don't come. The ball

615
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 3: is in your court, but it's for you to decide.

616
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 3: And then I also put something in there. I do

617
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 3: not care how great you think the date is going.

618
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:25,679
Speaker 3: Do not try me. Yes, I was, because that's how

619
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 3: I fuck, and especially now, I think it'd be even

620
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 3: worse today the way social media. But you literally told

621
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 3: guys that they pay for your That was my expectation

622
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 3: for sure.

623
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 2: I'm not.

624
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 3: I was. Look, I was always taught when it came

625
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 3: to dating, Like the guy is coming to pick you up,

626
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 3: he's not honking his horn. Now if they came and

627
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,000
Speaker 3: picked me up from like school, you can't come to

628
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 3: my dorm room. So like, okay, you text me let

629
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,160
Speaker 3: me know you're there, but you're opening my car door.

630
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 3: You are setting the date, you are telling me where

631
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,520
Speaker 3: we are going. You can ask me my interest, but

632
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: you figure that out like that. Ain't got nothing to

633
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 3: do with me. So what I need to figure out

634
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,359
Speaker 3: is what I'm wearing and I'm gonna just show up

635
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:07,920
Speaker 3: and have a good time.

636
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 2: Who taught you to do that?

637
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 3: I think I had everything to do with like the

638
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 3: women of the church that I was going to at

639
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 3: the time, because I remember like vividly, I was having

640
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 3: a conversation one day with I call him Uncle John,

641
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 3: and he was like, he said, whatever you do, don't

642
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 3: date a boom, And so he started talking about like

643
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 3: what a guy like which you should expect from a guy,

644
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,879
Speaker 3: but then his wife and his wife's sister and so on.

645
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: We were like having more conversations. And this started when

646
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 3: I was like my freshman year in high school. So

647
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 3: I started being around more women who set expectations of

648
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,000
Speaker 3: what you should expect from a man, and more so

649
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 3: along the lines of if you don't have these things

650
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 3: and you don't have like a standard, there's not a

651
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 3: goal anywhere, so they think they can give you just anything.

652
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 3: So I was like, okay, so let's I could do that.

653
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 3: I could do that.

654
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's good.

655
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 1: And so you create these standards and guys will still

656
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 1: trying to push the boundaries.

657
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 2: And then and then how would you respond on the day?

658
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 3: Oh no, you can get me home, Like did anyone

659
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 3: ever not pay? Oh yes, yes, Oh my goodness, even

660
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 3: though you told him what this This was the summer

661
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 3: twenty nineteen. He wanted to go see the movie that

662
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 3: just came out. It was Aladdin and it had Will

663
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 3: Smith in it. And we get up there and he

664
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 3: was like one ticket. I was shook. I was like,

665
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 3: hold hold on. And this was an individual who had

666
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 3: been trying to holler at me. I'm in college now.

667
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 3: They've been trying to holler at me since high school.

668
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 3: And I was just home for the summer. So I'm like,

669
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 3: and this is what you're doing? Yeah home?

670
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 4: And that was her last summer single.

671
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,080
Speaker 3: It was my last s was single.

672
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 1: And so why is she telling you these stories about

673
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: how guys were moving?

674
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 2: What did you think about that? I don't know.

675
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,239
Speaker 4: I don't think in the moment, I don't think I

676
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 4: was thinking anything of it. But I do think the

677
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 4: distance during the summer made me reflect on what I

678
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 4: really wanted and what I wanted after college because we

679
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 4: were both going into our last year and I knew

680
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 4: if I didn't capitalize on this when we went back,

681
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 4: then that was gonna be it. Because she lived in

682
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 4: Georgia and I was in North Carolina. It was like,

683
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 4: when was I You thought about that? Yes, over the

684
00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 4: summer for sure?

685
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 2: You said when we get back to school?

686
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 4: When?

687
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 2: When?

688
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 4: When did we start day out? And when we got

689
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 4: back September? When do you go back to college in August? Ye?

690
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 4: So this was the thing because we talked almost every

691
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 4: day over the summer because she you studied abroad in China,

692
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,239
Speaker 4: and we talked almost every day even though she was

693
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 4: what was the time difference twelve hour or something like that.

694
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it was twelve hour time difference. And he

695
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,959
Speaker 3: was working third shifts, so he would call me on

696
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 3: his breaks because it'll be during the day for me.

697
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 3: It's crazy. Part is like we didn't talk at the

698
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: beginning of the summer at all, Right, We didn't talk

699
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 3: until like found out that it was like a rumor

700
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 3: about us. So I was like, guess what, guess who

701
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 3: apparently is together? And I texted him and told him

702
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 3: that and then from that day forward.

703
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 4: Her being in China, meet being in North Carolina, gets together.

704
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 2: Really, there was a whole room about y'all being together.

705
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,239
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Yes, that was the whole Let's give

706
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 3: him something to talk about in September, then.

707
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 2: Give him something, And.

708
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: So September came around, and so now he puts action

709
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: behind the words that he spoke a few months prior.

710
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 1: How did you receive that? Was you like, I don't

711
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,720
Speaker 1: know if he's still this player, I don't know? Or

712
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: you again, when I asked you earlier, the fact that

713
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: he was willing to commit to you, did you find

714
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: that to be special? And he was like, well no,

715
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,600
Speaker 1: because I knew how he was, you know, I know

716
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: as a.

717
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 2: Friend, you knew where the bodies were buried.

718
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:52,880
Speaker 1: So when he steps to you in September, why did

719
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: you take him seriously?

720
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 3: Well? First I grilled him with questions because I was like,

721
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 3: don't play with men.

722
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 4: First off, she was excited asking these questions. She wasn't

723
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 4: like this, but she was very excited.

724
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 3: She started laughing, was like, stop playing. Yep, he said, no,

725
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 3: I'm serious, because first of all, you would have thought

726
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 3: he was about to tell me his cat died like

727
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 3: the way he was approaching his conversation, he seemed really sad.

728
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 3: He was so serious. I was like, what's going on?

729
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 3: Like people, I thought, I'm bad happen? But then when

730
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 3: he said it, I was like, I was like for real?

731
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 3: He said yeah. I said, okay, hold on, like legitimately,

732
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 3: you want to start dating now the way that I

733
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 3: look at dating, like we are not in a relationship.

734
00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,720
Speaker 3: We are taking our time to see if we want

735
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 3: to have a relationship, but we're dating exclusively. That's what

736
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 3: you're saying, he said, yeah. I said, okay, So if

737
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 3: we take a picture together and I put it on

738
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 3: Snapchat story or Instagrams or whatever, and somebody slides up

739
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 3: and you know the ones I'm talking about, what is

740
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 3: your response? And he starts laughing and I'm like, okay,

741
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 3: hold on and what if? And I just start giving

742
00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 3: like so many because I want to be clear what

743
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 3: is happening. I love good clear communication, clarity.

744
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 4: Maybe she was clear, but not so clear because you

745
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:09,440
Speaker 4: know how all y'all said the dating like y'all are

746
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 4: seeing it you on each other. Yeah, No, I meant

747
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 4: we were together.

748
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 2: We're together.

749
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 4: That is because I said, this is my first one.

750
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

751
00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 4: So when I asked that, I meant like, we are together?

752
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:19,800
Speaker 2: What you said? You said?

753
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaker 1: And I was like, how she talking about we're going

754
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 1: to go back to this other process in a way.

755
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, he told how I felt.

756
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,960
Speaker 1: He said, I don't know what to do with these emotions.

757
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 1: He spent the summer reflecting, thinking, found watch dating other folks,

758
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: and then he said, listen, this is what I want

759
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 1: to do.

760
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: And You're like, Dayton, because I did take into the

761
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 3: consideration that, like, you've never been in a relationship with

762
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 3: so are you sure that this is really what you want?

763
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 2: Are you?

764
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,400
Speaker 3: I'm like, are you sure you want to be committed

765
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 3: to one person? I'm sitting here. I didn't know and

766
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 3: I didn't find out until I think it was two

767
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 3: weeks in. Somebody he introduced me to somebody That's what

768
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 3: it was on campus because he was everybody's ran on

769
00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,440
Speaker 3: campus and he was like, Oh, whoever this person was,

770
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 3: this is my girlfriend, Hailey. I said, oh, that's me.

771
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:14,359
Speaker 7: When we do that, that's what okay.

772
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:16,000
Speaker 2: Do that.

773
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 3: I don't remember that, I said, you didn't ask me?

774
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,879
Speaker 3: He said, what are you talking about? I was like, no,

775
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 3: that's not what you said.

776
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 4: So that's another two dates we have because you'll say

777
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 4: we got together in October, and.

778
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, we got to get September. It was September.

779
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 1: So you was expecting will you go with me yes

780
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 1: or no type of question because you said.

781
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 3: Yes because I looked, I look, are we dating? Are

782
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 3: we in a relationship? Because dating can be dating exclusively

783
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 3: or dating multi what is happening? So that's where my

784
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 3: questions were geared towards that evening. So when he didn't say, oh, no,

785
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 3: I want a relationship, what did you said?

786
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 2: Remember saying money?

787
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 5: Yeah?

788
00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 4: I do, Yeah, I do remember saying exclusively talking. I'm

789
00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 4: pretty sure that's that's what we use.

790
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 2: Exclusively talking.

791
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 4: Yes, And that's probably where the miscommunication came in at

792
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 4: because when I when I said exclusively talking, I meant

793
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 4: we are together. I ain't talk.

794
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this because I was

795
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,280
Speaker 1: talking to my nephew son about this yesterday.

796
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,960
Speaker 2: According I want to hear both of y'all's.

797
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 1: Chronology of what exclusivity or this say from marriage. So

798
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: I want y'all to go from all the way. I

799
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 1: ain't gonna start off with the first word, but whatever

800
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 1: that word.

801
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 2: Is, then this and then this and then this and

802
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 2: this and this all the way to marriage. What are

803
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 2: those stages?

804
00:35:35,560 --> 00:35:37,920
Speaker 4: So nahen would be first see what she says.

805
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,280
Speaker 2: I want to see what she thinks.

806
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:45,840
Speaker 3: Sorry, ideally, like if I know you friendship, dating in

807
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 3: the marriage or relationship the marriage. I don't like the

808
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 3: whole talking thing because what is that?

809
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 1: Like?

810
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 3: Did y'all just change the word for dating?

811
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 2: So no, no engagement then just just talking and their marriage?

812
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, give me every.

813
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:05,560
Speaker 3: Step okay, okay, so friendship, dating, relationship, engagement, marriage, All.

814
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:06,440
Speaker 2: Right, what do you say?

815
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 4: So I would have said dating because I wouldn't even

816
00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 4: thought about friendship. If it's two people who don't even yeah,

817
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:18,000
Speaker 4: I would have said dating, relationship, engagement marriage.

818
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 2: What would you say?

819
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: Ooh?

820
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 5: I would have said friendship. Then I would have I think,

821
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 5: I say it, don't worry about them, No, definitely friendship first.

822
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:36,279
Speaker 5: Then I would say, there's this conversation that shifts the

823
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 5: friendship to dating. So I don't want to skip that

824
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 5: because that's a pivotal moment. I called that like a

825
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 5: like an AHA moment. All yes, the friendship, then you

826
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 5: got to have the aha moment. Then you you start

827
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,319
Speaker 5: you know, dating. Now you set your intentions hopefully in

828
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,759
Speaker 5: that aha moment and both parties have a greed. So

829
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 5: now we're dating. But I for me, you know, I

830
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,400
Speaker 5: like it to be a relationship. So at the point

831
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 5: that we're dating, it's just going to be me. So

832
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,359
Speaker 5: I don't know if that's dating and relationship because I'm

833
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 5: processing this out loud.

834
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 3: Let's go to you.

835
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: I believe friendship, dating none exclusively, dating exclusively, engagement marriage.

836
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,800
Speaker 1: And so that's because I believe that in the friendship

837
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: you're having a conversation is getting the chance to know

838
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:35,680
Speaker 1: whether that's somebody you want to be with.

839
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 2: Then you're dating none exclusively, that.

840
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 1: Person as a friend can be a part of that

841
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: along with other people. Then you start saying, hey, listen,

842
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 1: I want you now, I'm exclusive with you. I don't

843
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 1: believe me personally, that's just how I roll. I don't

844
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: believe you should get exclusive with anybody unless you feel

845
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: like that's the person you want to marry. And so

846
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,360
Speaker 1: because you just exclusive for what you just I just

847
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: took you off the market so your husband can't find you.

848
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:02,400
Speaker 4: What do you take.

849
00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 2: I said.

850
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 1: It's this funny meme that went viral during COVID it

851
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 1: said men be like, get dressed so I can take

852
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 1: you for granted.

853
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, so, and that's one thing I definitely believe if

854
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 5: it's gonna be if we're going to have the title

855
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 5: of a relationship, it's got to have intentions, and the

856
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 5: intention has to be we're trying to see if we

857
00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 5: can make marriage of a thing.

858
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,760
Speaker 1: And then I also think too based on age, because

859
00:38:29,880 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: I don't expect Ladarian at seventeen years old to be

860
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 1: talking about I'm exclusive with her.

861
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 2: That means I'm gonna marry her. You're exclusive with her.

862
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: So you ain't distracted, y'all be together, especially talking about

863
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:41,240
Speaker 1: college age and young people whatever.

864
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 5: What age would you say that is that it shifts after.

865
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 1: Well depends on your maturity level. But when you start

866
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:52,240
Speaker 1: learning that you desire marriage and you want to be married,

867
00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 1: then that can happen at Because I had Kaitlin and

868
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: Kiro that was on the podcast, It were nineteen years

869
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 1: old when they got married. You know, it's people that

870
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:02,240
Speaker 1: had that got married young in their twenties.

871
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 2: They know Josh and Jalika. Josh, how was Josh twenty one?

872
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, ye, twenty one, and he like, this is what

873
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 1: I want to do, you know, and so it just

874
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 1: depends on when you know who you are and know

875
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: what God's word is over your life, then you I

876
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 1: need my purpose partner, because I always know that a

877
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 1: lot of men when they prolonged marriage, it's.

878
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,839
Speaker 2: Like they matter of fact, I'm not gonna say that yet.

879
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about it because I want to know

880
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 1: what happened to this player that made him decide to

881
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: say I want to be exclusive with this woman and

882
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: then the maturation phase of marriage.

883
00:39:39,440 --> 00:39:41,319
Speaker 2: So I don't want to give that out just yet,

884
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:42,319
Speaker 2: and I will cover this.

885
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 4: I was gonna say to what you were saying that

886
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 4: I knew I wanted to be with her, but like

887
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 4: I said, I didn't. I hadn't any marriage, no, So

888
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 4: I didn't even think about marriage at all. That was

889
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 4: not nothing I thought about. It was just I knew

890
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 4: I wanted to be with you, and as time progressed

891
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 4: and we started growing closer together, I knew I wanted

892
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 4: to be with you forever. So and I know how

893
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 4: much she talked about marriage, I'm like, well, if this

894
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 4: is something that I'm going to do, then I know

895
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 4: that I need to be married. So that is that

896
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 4: is kind of how early on the marriage phase came

897
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 4: up for our relationship because I wasn't I wasn't hip

898
00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 4: to this at all. No, this wasn't something that I.

899
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 2: Wasn't even him to commitment. No, I wouldn't think about it.

900
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,360
Speaker 1: That's why I said, it's a beautiful maturation that you

901
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 1: went through because you like, no, nobody can't even say

902
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 1: that I'm their man. And then something God woke something

903
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: up in you where you said, I want to.

904
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 2: Be with you right right, I want you to be

905
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 2: my girlfriend.

906
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:37,760
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

907
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:41,879
Speaker 1: So that's a that's a hard pill to swallow. And

908
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 1: then the fact that you said it before she said it,

909
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 1: you introduced her as such. That's a whole different level

910
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:52,040
Speaker 1: of declaration from a man speaking a word to say,

911
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,640
Speaker 1: this is my girlfriend, right, you.

912
00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 2: Know what I'm saying.

913
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: And she looking like hold on, when if that happened?

914
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 1: You're like, well, it happened and stuff, and she like,

915
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: I don't know. But the fact that you knew what

916
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,319
Speaker 1: you wanted her to be and spoke about it, So

917
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 1: what happened from that moment you had a clarifying conversation

918
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: after that encounter with the person on the yard and

919
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 1: then what happened you was like, okay, we cool, Yeah,

920
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 1: we go together real bad.

921
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, okay, this is not in I

922
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:26,360
Speaker 3: will say like. I didn't tell nobody for a minute though,

923
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:30,400
Speaker 3: why because I just I think another part of me

924
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,239
Speaker 3: was like, are you I just need to make sure

925
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 3: you for real, like you serious? Because so put.

926
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,280
Speaker 1: Context around here, because people may see this nice, safe,

927
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: sanctified man right here. But he was a start for

928
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: a basketball player. So let's so let's let's talk about

929
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: Let's put context around.

930
00:41:44,520 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 3: Let's talk about it. Yeah, okay, another thing, another thing

931
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:52,000
Speaker 3: I knew so being that I knew money beforehand. I

932
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,400
Speaker 3: knew that he was a very genuine person and I

933
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 3: really appreciated how he carried himself. And he is somebody

934
00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,400
Speaker 3: he cannot be pressured into anything if he does not

935
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 3: want to do it, if he has not made his

936
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: mind up about it, he will not do it, no

937
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 3: matter who wants him to do the thing. So there

938
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 3: was a certain level of comfort in knowing that. But

939
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 3: then I'm also thinking back to the fact that like

940
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:16,320
Speaker 3: for starters, you've been out here in any streets. I

941
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 3: ain't out here any streets, and on top of that,

942
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 3: you've never been committed, so are you Are you sure

943
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 3: this is what you want? Are you sure that you

944
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,279
Speaker 3: are good with cutting everything else off and it's just

945
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 3: you and me? So I think a big portion of

946
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 3: it had to do with the fact that, like I was,

947
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 3: I was in it, but I was also waiting for

948
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 3: the shoe to drop, and that was my thing. I'm like, Okay,

949
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,080
Speaker 3: we're going, We're gonna see it because what you're not

950
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 3: don't don't make me look crazy out here any streets now,

951
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 3: because like I said, that summer, there was already a

952
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 3: rumor and I'm like, no, I'm not with this man.

953
00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,000
Speaker 3: And now I'm with this man.

954
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 4: So I'm like.

955
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 9: This.

956
00:42:54,440 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 4: And early on I posted her in October. In October

957
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 4: actually right away, I honestly don't even know. Like thinking back,

958
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, I knew that, I knew that this was

959
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 4: my girlfriend. Like I said, I said that early on,

960
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 4: And a lot of things that I've seen is like

961
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 4: people are proud of and we talked about this recently,

962
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 4: proud of our accomplishments, things that we've done, just in everything,

963
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 4: and whenever we are proud of them, we post them

964
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 4: to teach. So whenever, I was like, I'm proud of

965
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:32,839
Speaker 4: who my girlfriend is. So whenever we after our first date,

966
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 4: I posted it my girl and it was our first date.

967
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 3: But everybody he had on his socials with North Carolina,

968
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 3: so I was like, oh, none of my people don't

969
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,000
Speaker 3: see that.

970
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 2: That's the one.

971
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 3: I was proud. I just wanted to be sure you

972
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:55,960
Speaker 3: was gonna last.

973
00:43:59,040 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 4: Am I still get.

974
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 2: Change my name?

975
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:09,759
Speaker 5: And but I just understand that because I was the

976
00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 5: same way.

977
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 3: I don't.

978
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 5: I think when things are on social media that is

979
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 5: very public and germanent, and so I kind of agree,

980
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 5: like you want to make sure that what you're posting

981
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 5: on social media is going to last, because it's definitely

982
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 5: going to live forever.

983
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 1: But Money said, hey, I love that you have to

984
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:34,359
Speaker 1: clean up any past residue. So when you decide to

985
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 1: be with her, you made sure all hearts and minds

986
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 1: were clear.

987
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 2: Yep, and you have you have to deal with none

988
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 2: of that foolishness.

989
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 3: I was actually surprised because I was. I was because

990
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 3: another thing that I was just thinking about was when

991
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:54,200
Speaker 3: it came to like communication, conflict resolution, all of these

992
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:56,400
Speaker 3: other things that they say and people tell you all

993
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 3: the time, like oh, you don't know until you get

994
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 3: in a relationship. Your first relationship is probably not going

995
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 3: to be like the one you got to learn. These

996
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 3: things have experience and you ain't got none of that.

997
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,439
Speaker 3: So in my head, I'm sitting here thinking like, oh

998
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 3: my gosh, we ain't had an argument yet. We ain't

999
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,800
Speaker 3: had like real conflict yet. In a friendship we have,

1000
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 3: but in a relationship, I don't know how you are.

1001
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 3: So I was a little bit worried that with that

1002
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 3: lack of experience, since you already had a lack of

1003
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 3: commit with everybody, you could just walk away. Is that

1004
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 3: going to be something that you do? So I was

1005
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 3: pleasantly surprised in a lot of situations where he was

1006
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 3: just kind of willing to grow and improve, and I'm like,

1007
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 3: I ain't get no kind of push back, Like now

1008
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 3: what he was saying earlier about being avoidant, that was

1009
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 3: something that we had to discuss. I think that was

1010
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 3: probably one of the longest things for it, Like to

1011
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 3: learn in our relationship is like, look, I can give

1012
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,879
Speaker 3: you some time, but I ain't give you two weeks

1013
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:58,760
Speaker 3: of again because I need I need solutions.

1014
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,040
Speaker 4: Oh my god, and how to talk about oh yeah,

1015
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 4: to talk to each other there, yes or something we

1016
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:02,879
Speaker 4: tackled early on, I.

1017
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 3: Didn't realize like I could be so I'm somebody like

1018
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 3: I've never cussed, I never do anything like. I don't

1019
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 3: like I could debate you. I could be I could

1020
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 3: debate you down, okay, But I was like, I'm not

1021
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 3: going to do that to money. And I thought because

1022
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 3: I wasn't like this aggressive person with him, that I

1023
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,279
Speaker 3: was good. And then one day he looked at me.

1024
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 3: Were having a conversation and he left. Actually we had

1025
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 3: a conversation, he kind of got quiet, and then later

1026
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 3: on that day we talked again and he was like,

1027
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:34,720
Speaker 3: I didn't appreciate that when we were talking about this earlier,

1028
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 3: we didn't agree, and you talked to me like I

1029
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:40,120
Speaker 3: was a child. And I started to notice because he

1030
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 3: this wasn't the first time, but I had never noticed

1031
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,919
Speaker 3: it before, so I started to notice it more after that.

1032
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 3: And he was like, you do it a lot and

1033
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 3: I don't like it. And in my head I'm like, well,

1034
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,920
Speaker 3: I'm not yelling, I'm not cussing. I'm like, I didn't realize.

1035
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 3: I didn't realize, like I take that tone of like

1036
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 3: like I'm talking to a kindergartener when I'm mad, and

1037
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,399
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, okay, I need to work on that. So,

1038
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 3: like he was saying, we had to learn how the

1039
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 3: person best receives or not conflict, but like criticism or

1040
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,880
Speaker 3: if you disagree. So I'm like, okay, I gotta I

1041
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:10,319
Speaker 3: got to work on my tone all right.

1042
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 4: And I had to learn that she is not one

1043
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 4: of my homeboys. So a lot of times, when you know,

1044
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 4: guys are watching the game or something, it's like the

1045
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 4: loudest person talks. So a lot of times when I

1046
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 4: would think something and she's in the middle of saying

1047
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 4: something to me, I'm just gonna spit out what I

1048
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 4: have to say, and now she isn't even finishing the thought,

1049
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:27,680
Speaker 4: and it makes it seem like I'm not even listening

1050
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 4: or character listen to what she has to say. So

1051
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 4: we had to tackle that early on because I would

1052
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 4: be like, well, no, I didn't mean that. I meant this,

1053
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:35,640
Speaker 4: and she hadn't even finished.

1054
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,919
Speaker 5: I'm like, God, that's good.

1055
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 1: And it's interesting that you pointed out like how you

1056
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,440
Speaker 1: would talk to a man, because a man never says

1057
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 1: let me finish talking like a man. You're interrupting me.

1058
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 1: A man would never say that, Man, you're not letting

1059
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 1: me finish my thoughts. We just talked over We over

1060
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: talk each other cool. We understand which one of the

1061
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:02,320
Speaker 1: things I had to learn. I come from a family.

1062
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 1: It's seven of us, so mom and dad five, it

1063
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 1: was five kids, and we would just all talk over

1064
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: each other and we could all everybody get that point across.

1065
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 2: We can all talk. It'd be loud.

1066
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 1: But then being married, I recognized that if I try

1067
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,240
Speaker 1: that with her, she'd be like, you're not letting me finish,

1068
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,440
Speaker 1: And I'm like, just talk like we'll talk while I'm talking.

1069
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,440
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. It's like, it's.

1070
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: You have to learn the skill set of communication, like

1071
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 1: y'all said, to allow the other person to receive it

1072
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 1: the way that's best suited for them. Instead of saying

1073
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 1: I was raised, like we all just talked together. You

1074
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, That's just that's just how it

1075
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:45,319
Speaker 1: is or whatnot. But it's good that y'all tackled that

1076
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:48,440
Speaker 1: early on. Was that in y'all dating, relationship or marriage?

1077
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 3: I think I think we really honed in on it

1078
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 3: after we got engaged, because it's my premial counsel wasn't coming,

1079
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 3: Like I was excited to do premial counselor, and it

1080
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 3: was it coming until I think it was like ten

1081
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 3: weeks out from our wedding day. But we were planning

1082
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:06,799
Speaker 3: for over years. I was like, what are we gonna do?

1083
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,360
Speaker 3: We need like, let's do some stuff. So, like I

1084
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 3: started like doing so much research about conflicts and marriage,

1085
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,879
Speaker 3: the reasons like top reasons for divorce, things like that,

1086
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 3: and I made a journal and we went to like target.

1087
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:20,239
Speaker 3: He got his journal, I got mine. And one of

1088
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 3: the things that kept coming up was communication while we're researching.

1089
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 3: So it came like a bunch of subsections and one

1090
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:30,600
Speaker 3: of them was the question was like how do you

1091
00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 3: best receive criticism? And so we had to kind of

1092
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 3: sit there and sit with that. And when that came up,

1093
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 3: the conversation that we had previously about him not liking

1094
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 3: like how talking had already happened before, but when we

1095
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:44,960
Speaker 3: started doing that, it was like, okay, he like I

1096
00:49:45,000 --> 00:49:47,680
Speaker 3: have to sit here and say, oh, I like it

1097
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 3: best when like if I've done something, talk to me

1098
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 3: in this way. And I had to be able to

1099
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 3: put words to it because I can't just be mad

1100
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 3: at you if I can't even articulate what I want

1101
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 3: you to do, and I'm like, okay, I got to

1102
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 3: put words to it, and him doing the same. So

1103
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 3: when we came back together and had this conversation about it,

1104
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, we could do this. But I

1105
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:10,479
Speaker 3: do think that the reason why we probably communicated about

1106
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 3: it in a non like blowing up type of way

1107
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:16,279
Speaker 3: earlier on had a lot to do with the fact

1108
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 3: that we were used to being in households where everybody

1109
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:21,360
Speaker 3: is like blowing up at each other. So it's like

1110
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:22,759
Speaker 3: that's the one thing that we did not want to

1111
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 3: have in our relationship, but we didn't fine tune that

1112
00:50:25,880 --> 00:50:27,759
Speaker 3: and really figure it out. And it's something that has

1113
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 3: continued to like change and grow though like it started

1114
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 3: with that journal, but we've had this conversation like, well

1115
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 3: after marriage and then updating things as things like have changed.

1116
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 5: That's good.

1117
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 2: That's good.

1118
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:43,960
Speaker 1: So you were that intentional about So his mindset was

1119
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 1: never saw marriage, never heard the ogs talk about the

1120
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 1: value of marriage.

1121
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 2: What was your upbringing, What were you taught or not taught?

1122
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 3: I was not taught to be a wife. I was

1123
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:59,200
Speaker 3: not taught to really like value men. I guess or

1124
00:50:59,239 --> 00:51:00,880
Speaker 3: how a man could be in my life. I was

1125
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 3: very much like, I can do bad all by myself.

1126
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 3: I need to figure it out. Ain't nobody got my

1127
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 3: back with me kind of thing. My mom was a

1128
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 3: single mom before, so I watched her do everything, and

1129
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:17,720
Speaker 3: then when being in relationships, I'm still watching her carry

1130
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 3: at all. So it was one of those things like

1131
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,640
Speaker 3: not only having to see her carry it, but I

1132
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 3: think it was a big thing where I internalized, like

1133
00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 3: I'm hearing what she says about men and with her

1134
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:29,839
Speaker 3: how her relationships are going, and I'm like, okay, that's

1135
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:33,400
Speaker 3: shaping it. But also I'm internalizing like I can't depend y'all.

1136
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 3: Y'all really bumped out her, I can't do this, So

1137
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 3: I'm like, I gotta have me, and that's I really,

1138
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 3: I don't know. I didn't. I didn't ever expect that

1139
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 3: I would have the marriage that I have today, And

1140
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,839
Speaker 3: I think because of what I saw it was like

1141
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 3: and a value in that like and then also coming

1142
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 3: from a family of most of the women in my

1143
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 3: family they're not married, and then like these are open

1144
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:03,840
Speaker 3: conversation that we have had or they're like, this is

1145
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 3: my old lady and where it's like, Okay, you get

1146
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:08,320
Speaker 3: that tide, but you'll never get this side of wife.

1147
00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 3: But I'm seeing them, yes, I'm seeing everybody not I'm

1148
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,560
Speaker 3: seeing a lot of women not being valued, not being

1149
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 3: taken care of. So it's like, I need to be

1150
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,879
Speaker 3: able to do this. I need to have my own job.

1151
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 3: If that's two jobs, I got to have two jobs.

1152
00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 3: I need to pay for my own car, my own house,

1153
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 3: and I also need to be able to hold it down,

1154
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 3: which it translated very aggressively, and I didn't realize that

1155
00:52:28,560 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 3: at first. I had a lot of like my one

1156
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:34,360
Speaker 3: of my closest friends are my bonus mom doc. They

1157
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,680
Speaker 3: would say all the time. In my first relationship, they're like,

1158
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 3: you're so mean to him, and I'm like, no, I'm not.

1159
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:43,360
Speaker 3: But I also wasn't emotionally available, and I always had

1160
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 3: in my head like I can't really rely on you

1161
00:52:46,840 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 3: and I don't want you to think that I need you,

1162
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 3: so I'm not going to give that to you. And

1163
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:53,359
Speaker 3: that that was that was hard. I don't think that

1164
00:52:53,560 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 3: my mindset shifted in desiring to be married until we

1165
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,359
Speaker 3: got together and maybe like a year and a half

1166
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:05,440
Speaker 3: of being like being together because I will say this,

1167
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 3: I am not like a serial dater type of person

1168
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 3: as far as relationships, like, I'm not jumping in a

1169
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 3: relationship here there in the third I want something. I

1170
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 3: want something serious. I'm not playing these games with you.

1171
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:19,160
Speaker 3: But I also was not like, Okay, we're going to

1172
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 3: get married within this timeframe, by this age, we have

1173
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 3: these kids. And so when we started dating and about

1174
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 3: a year in, a year and a half in, I

1175
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:29,239
Speaker 3: was like, you know.

1176
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:33,400
Speaker 4: What, I changed your mind.

1177
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:38,240
Speaker 3: Because after I got out of the phase of waiting

1178
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 3: for the other shoot to drop, I'm like, you know what,

1179
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 3: I can see you.

1180
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 5: So a lot of women, I think, deal with this

1181
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:49,880
Speaker 5: because it's there's a trust issue. And so walk women

1182
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:54,319
Speaker 5: who may be even going through this now, and just

1183
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 5: like they have their guard up, they're like, you know what,

1184
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 5: I can take care of myself, and they haven't fully

1185
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:03,720
Speaker 5: submitted or surrendered to the process of being with their

1186
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 5: purpose partner. What would you say that that's good?

1187
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 3: Ooh, that is good? I would, honestly, I would start

1188
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:15,600
Speaker 3: out with at some point I had to learn to

1189
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 3: trust myself and who I chose to be with. I

1190
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 3: think that is a big thing because when you grow

1191
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:26,160
Speaker 3: up seeing people make decisions that you're like, why would

1192
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:27,760
Speaker 3: you do this or why would you be with that person?

1193
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 3: I think a part of it comes to be like,

1194
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:33,000
Speaker 3: am I making that same decision and I'm just not

1195
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 3: seeing it? Because I can see that this is a

1196
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 3: bad decision, but I'm wondering, why can't you see it?

1197
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:39,759
Speaker 3: So a part of me is like, can I even

1198
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:41,320
Speaker 3: trust the decisions that I'm making with the person that

1199
00:54:41,360 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 3: I'm being with? And once I kind of got past

1200
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 3: that hurdle, I started to realize, I'm like, what do

1201
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 3: I want in a partner? And with the things that

1202
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 3: I want, I want you to be able to trust me.

1203
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 3: I want you to be able to be vulnerable with me,

1204
00:54:56,680 --> 00:54:58,600
Speaker 3: to be able to open up to me, and I

1205
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 3: want to be that friend for you. So how can

1206
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,760
Speaker 3: I desire those things for myself? But I'm not willing

1207
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 3: to give that to you. I'm afraid of vulnerability while

1208
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 3: I'm asking you to be vulnerable to me, And that part,

1209
00:55:09,080 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 3: I think that was probably the hardest thing for me

1210
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 3: to really get over, cause when it comes to I

1211
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 3: was scared of vulnerability, like all I'd ever seen is

1212
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:21,080
Speaker 3: people take advantage of it, And so I had this mindset.

1213
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 3: At one point, I said, you know what, even if

1214
00:55:25,480 --> 00:55:27,799
Speaker 3: I'm vulnerable with you and you know that I love you,

1215
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 3: it is my choice to allow you to take advantage

1216
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 3: of that. So my vulnerability is not going to be

1217
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:35,719
Speaker 3: my weakness. It is going to be my strength. But

1218
00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 3: I had to, like I had to tell myself that,

1219
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:41,520
Speaker 3: and it wasn't like an overnight thing. It wasn't like

1220
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:43,319
Speaker 3: now I know this, Okay, I'm going to do it.

1221
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:46,960
Speaker 3: Like it was a continuous step every step of the

1222
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,839
Speaker 3: way of like, Okay, I can trust him with this, Oh,

1223
00:55:48,840 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 3: I can trust him with that, and slowly but surely,

1224
00:55:51,280 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 3: like I'm breaking my walls down, especially when it came

1225
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:57,200
Speaker 3: to like having your guard up and not really having

1226
00:55:57,360 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 3: a consistent and strong father figure showing you what it

1227
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 3: means to really be taken care of in a way

1228
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:06,600
Speaker 3: that or how you should be taken care of, how

1229
00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 3: you should be loved. So like I'm trying to figure

1230
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 3: it out, like I'm putting the pieces together and I

1231
00:56:11,880 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 3: don't have the whole picture, but it's like, okay, take

1232
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:16,880
Speaker 3: it step by step. So I think one of the

1233
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 3: biggest things, one of the biggest things I would say

1234
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:23,239
Speaker 3: is one learn to trust yourself, but not in a

1235
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:25,319
Speaker 3: way where you're fooling yourself either, because I do think

1236
00:56:25,360 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 3: it's very easy to lie to yourself. It's very easy

1237
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 3: to say, well, I've never had something this good growing up,

1238
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 3: so this has to be like, it's better than this

1239
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 3: has to be good when the reality of it is no. Like,

1240
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 3: just because it's better than what you saw does not

1241
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:41,160
Speaker 3: mean it's the thing that you need to keep around,

1242
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 3: because that thing can break you. So at the end

1243
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:49,120
Speaker 3: of the day, I really started taking notes about I

1244
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 3: go back to what Uncle John said he was giving, well,

1245
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,160
Speaker 3: not even just what he was like a conversation that

1246
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:59,800
Speaker 3: he was having with me, but I started watching marriages

1247
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:03,280
Speaker 3: that I could tell we're good marriages, and the way

1248
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 3: that he was with his wife, the way that he

1249
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:09,160
Speaker 3: was with his daughters, the way like I just was

1250
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:13,439
Speaker 3: really okay, I can I can see and it wasn't

1251
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:15,840
Speaker 3: in a belittling kind of way. But I also noticed

1252
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 3: that she was not tearing him down either, like they

1253
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 3: could have open disagreements in front of people, and it

1254
00:57:20,760 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 3: just looked like a simple conversation. It's like, oh, you

1255
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:24,800
Speaker 3: know what, you're right Like now, I took me a

1256
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 3: minute to figure that out when I got in a relationship.

1257
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 3: But those are things, like those were nuggets that I

1258
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 3: was taking in And I'm like, you need to surround

1259
00:57:31,840 --> 00:57:34,000
Speaker 3: yourself with other married people that are healthy, Like you

1260
00:57:34,080 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 3: need to see something that is good, because so many

1261
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 3: people take what they see and like this is that's

1262
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:41,360
Speaker 3: bad and like applied across the board when that's not

1263
00:57:41,360 --> 00:57:41,720
Speaker 3: the case.

1264
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:44,320
Speaker 1: I want to give the definition because you touched on

1265
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:50,040
Speaker 1: walking in vulnerability and you said being able to be

1266
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:53,640
Speaker 1: vulnerable and if you are hurt in the process, then

1267
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:59,440
Speaker 1: basically that your responsibility is vulnerability. Vulnerable means being exposed

1268
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:04,840
Speaker 1: to the possible ability of being physically, emotionally or mentally harmed, attacked,

1269
00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:09,320
Speaker 1: or influenced. It's derived from the Latin word vulneraire, meaning

1270
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 1: to wound. It describes someone or something that lacks protection,

1271
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:18,360
Speaker 1: is defenseless, or is highly susceptible to damage. And isn't

1272
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 1: that amazing that we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

1273
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:25,560
Speaker 1: And the fear that you had was, ooh, if you

1274
00:58:25,640 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 1: hurt me, ooh, if the shoe drops, Ooh, if you

1275
00:58:27,560 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 1: leave me, ooh if I put my heart in your

1276
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 1: hands and you do me wrong, and that's the key

1277
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,479
Speaker 1: that we have to operate in in order for love

1278
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: to flourish. Jesus Christ, the Bible says that he didn't

1279
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 1: They didn't take his life.

1280
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:42,480
Speaker 2: He gave his life. He became vulnerable.

1281
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:46,160
Speaker 1: He just said, here, you can't just you can't kill

1282
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,240
Speaker 1: a savior unless he allows you to kill him. He says,

1283
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be vulnerable to y'all. And that's what birthed

1284
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 1: our salvation. And so kudos, first of all, brilliant question

1285
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,479
Speaker 1: Ashley to even ask her that question, because a lot

1286
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:05,080
Speaker 1: of men may meet a woman that has been raised

1287
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:07,000
Speaker 1: a certain way and be like mm hmm, she too

1288
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 1: much work, and they just give up.

1289
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:10,439
Speaker 2: They be like, I'm not going to deal with that.

1290
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: So my question you money, is were you aware of

1291
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:17,920
Speaker 1: that when you were seeing that, when you were seeing

1292
00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:21,959
Speaker 1: those characteristics, in those those traits that she had. What

1293
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 1: how did you internalize it the traits when she was

1294
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: when she was coming at you, where she felt like

1295
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 1: she got this wall up, she wouldn't let you penetrate.

1296
00:59:31,840 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: She's not speaking about marriage early on, she's just like, hey,

1297
00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 1: i'm chilling. You probably ain't thinking about marriage either, like

1298
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 1: you said, So you're like, this is good.

1299
00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. So I was just I

1300
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 4: would say, I was just going with the flow, but

1301
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 4: still being the best person I knew to be, because,

1302
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 4: like I said, I didn't know anything about marriage or

1303
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 4: how a husband was supposed to act to a wife,

1304
00:59:52,000 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 4: but I knew how I was supposed to act as

1305
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 4: a person. So I knew that I was going to

1306
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 4: treat her at the best way I knew how, and

1307
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 4: I did. I feel like I did that already in

1308
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 4: our friendship as a friend, Yeah, And I feel like

1309
01:00:03,200 --> 01:00:06,200
Speaker 4: it just intensified whenever we got together. It was like, oh, okay,

1310
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 4: so you I know I heard you talk about wanting

1311
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 4: this beforehand when you were going out on dates. Well,

1312
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 4: I am your your partner now, so I'm going to

1313
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:15,120
Speaker 4: do these things that I heard you talk about last

1314
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 4: summer and last seme that's when we were in school.

1315
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:18,600
Speaker 4: So I just picked up on the things that I

1316
01:00:18,640 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 4: heard her talk about that she would wanting a partner,

1317
01:00:20,600 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 4: and I just tackled. I did all of those things

1318
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 4: that she was asking for.

1319
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 3: I didn't scare you at all.

1320
01:00:24,960 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1321
01:00:25,160 --> 01:00:27,360
Speaker 1: I was about saying that it didn't scare you when

1322
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:28,960
Speaker 1: she started acting a certain way.

1323
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 4: You know why I don't because I think if it

1324
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 4: would have scared me, I never would have asked her

1325
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:35,720
Speaker 4: in the first place to be with me, because I

1326
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:38,400
Speaker 4: was I was already at a place where it's like,

1327
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 4: this is something I want and it's something I want

1328
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 4: to obtain, So I'm going to do this and whatever

1329
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:43,920
Speaker 4: it takes to have her with me for the rest

1330
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 4: of my life, I'm willing to do that.

1331
01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 2: Really, Yes, for sure, yea.

1332
01:00:53,920 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 4: Even with like helping her with She was trying to

1333
01:00:57,280 --> 01:00:59,080
Speaker 4: go to law school at first, and I'm like, well,

1334
01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 4: you might as well go next year. So she got

1335
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 4: an apartment in Winston dating while we were dating, Like

1336
01:01:05,640 --> 01:01:07,760
Speaker 4: we got our bachelors. We got our bachelors the same year,

1337
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:10,640
Speaker 4: but it was COVID, so she stayed in Georgia. I

1338
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:12,240
Speaker 4: was in North Carolina, and I'm like, well, you want

1339
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 4: to get your masters, you want to go to wake

1340
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:16,200
Speaker 4: for us, you might as well go ahead up there

1341
01:01:16,200 --> 01:01:18,919
Speaker 4: and go ahead move in. It was only two hours

1342
01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:20,720
Speaker 4: away from me, and she was four and a half

1343
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 4: hours away from me in George, Georgia. Yes, so then

1344
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:25,800
Speaker 4: we spent a lot more time together. She would come

1345
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 4: down or I would go up and I think we

1346
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:31,240
Speaker 4: kind of built a stronger connection then up until the

1347
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 4: point we got engaged, which is a day that she

1348
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:35,960
Speaker 4: feels like she almost ruined anyway.

1349
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 3: But I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how like

1350
01:01:40,280 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 3: your patience, what.

1351
01:01:41,840 --> 01:01:43,440
Speaker 2: Happened happened, what happened on Engage.

1352
01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:48,240
Speaker 4: To make a long story short, I knew what I

1353
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:49,960
Speaker 4: was going to do. I didn't know how to do it.

1354
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:53,280
Speaker 4: As I've said before, I didn't know any drawn out

1355
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 4: like get a venue, whatever, the all the stuff. No,

1356
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:59,000
Speaker 4: I just I did New Year's. My cousin has a

1357
01:01:59,000 --> 01:02:02,120
Speaker 4: New Year apart New Year's paraty every year. At this

1358
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 4: point in time, Haley really wasn't wanting to do anything

1359
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:06,080
Speaker 4: for New Years. But I was like, you're really gonna

1360
01:02:06,120 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 4: have fun. You're gonna have fun, You're gonna love, You're

1361
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:11,080
Speaker 4: gonna enjoy it. And she woke up the next day

1362
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:13,080
Speaker 4: and was like, oh, we can't go because my clothes

1363
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:15,560
Speaker 4: are in Winston. And I'm like, oh, okay, put some

1364
01:02:15,560 --> 01:02:17,760
Speaker 4: clothes on, let's go. Once is two hours away, so

1365
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,320
Speaker 4: she's thinking, we drive the Winston two hours, we drive back,

1366
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 4: nobody's gonna want to go. We come back, so it's

1367
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 4: four hour.

1368
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:26,600
Speaker 1: We spent on the road four hours just to.

1369
01:02:26,520 --> 01:02:28,200
Speaker 4: Get an outfit. And she's like, I'm tired. I want

1370
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:29,880
Speaker 4: to take a nap. I let it take a nap.

1371
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,680
Speaker 4: She gets up and she sees it, I'm getting ready.

1372
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 4: What are you doing? The party starts in like two hours.

1373
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:39,920
Speaker 4: We went got them clothes, it's time to put them on.

1374
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:42,680
Speaker 4: This whole time, she is like dreading it, like I

1375
01:02:42,680 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 4: don't want to go, Like I want to stay here.

1376
01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 4: Why can't we just spend it here together? And whenever

1377
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:48,800
Speaker 4: she saw me down on one knee at twelve o'clock,

1378
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 4: she just started bawling because all she could think about

1379
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:54,080
Speaker 4: was how well she says is I don't I didn't

1380
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 4: really take it take offense to it because I knew

1381
01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 4: what I was gonna do that night. But she just

1382
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:00,080
Speaker 4: felt bad because of how she was that then. I

1383
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 4: I was just like, I know you're gonna have fun.

1384
01:03:01,840 --> 01:03:03,400
Speaker 4: Like every time she said something, I was like, you're

1385
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:04,840
Speaker 4: gonna enjoy it. I feel like.

1386
01:03:06,440 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 3: I know this man really loved me because I was mean,

1387
01:03:10,960 --> 01:03:13,400
Speaker 3: that was a great that was a great version. I

1388
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 3: was mean, I know I was I did not want

1389
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 3: to I said no, it was to the point to

1390
01:03:21,040 --> 01:03:22,480
Speaker 3: where he was like, we're gonna have a good We're

1391
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:23,800
Speaker 3: gonna have a good time. I said, I bet you

1392
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:24,200
Speaker 3: I won't.

1393
01:03:24,840 --> 01:03:27,800
Speaker 4: She definitely said that because I'm I'm at home, but.

1394
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 3: I'm let me say at the house, I don't want

1395
01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:31,240
Speaker 3: you go you have fun. I'm stay here.

1396
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:32,160
Speaker 2: I don't want to be around you.

1397
01:03:32,880 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 3: I bet you one hundred dollars.

1398
01:03:34,440 --> 01:03:36,720
Speaker 1: He said, I'm not going to enjoy myself. I don't

1399
01:03:36,760 --> 01:03:41,480
Speaker 1: want to told you to the party without you. So

1400
01:03:41,480 --> 01:03:43,160
Speaker 1: so you the type if you say I don't want

1401
01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:45,080
Speaker 1: to go, you don't try to handcuff.

1402
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:46,439
Speaker 2: Him and staying, do you.

1403
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 3: Because he's an extrovert in the relationship, I am like,

1404
01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 3: I'm okay with being at the house, but I also

1405
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:54,480
Speaker 3: don't feel like I trust you, and I wouldn't be

1406
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:55,920
Speaker 3: in a relationship with you if I don't trust you.

1407
01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:59,200
Speaker 3: So go have fun. But you're also not in questionable environments,

1408
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:01,640
Speaker 3: like you don't put yourself positions to make me question you.

1409
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:04,520
Speaker 3: And he's very transparent before things happen. He's like, we

1410
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:06,440
Speaker 3: have a conversations, so go have fun. I'm here, I'm

1411
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 3: be sleep probably or watch it or watching something that

1412
01:04:08,720 --> 01:04:11,000
Speaker 3: you don't want to watch with me, but I'm gonna

1413
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 3: have a good time.

1414
01:04:12,040 --> 01:04:14,560
Speaker 1: You said something powerful. You say he doesn't put himself

1415
01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:15,920
Speaker 1: in questionable environment.

1416
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:18,000
Speaker 4: That's good, Yes, And I was gonna say that. I

1417
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,680
Speaker 4: don't even like After we got together, I stopped going out.

1418
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 4: I didn't go out to clubs or bars anymore with

1419
01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 4: my friends. I just kind of stayed back behind because

1420
01:04:25,680 --> 01:04:29,440
Speaker 4: I felt like people are going out to try to

1421
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:31,840
Speaker 4: get the different girls and mingle and do stuff. And

1422
01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 4: why am I paying money to go watch a friend

1423
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:36,440
Speaker 4: try to mingle with a girl like that. That just

1424
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,560
Speaker 4: does not make sense. And I don't drink, never have drunk,

1425
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:41,520
Speaker 4: So you can't even say a thing of like social

1426
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 4: drinking because I don't do it. And I can see

1427
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 4: if it was a thing where I did drink, but

1428
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 4: I don't. So it's like, what am I. I'm gonna

1429
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 4: stay at home with the person I'm with. I don't

1430
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:52,040
Speaker 4: have to watch y'all do this tell me about it afterwards.

1431
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, So did y'all feel like y'all are missing anything?

1432
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:02,000
Speaker 4: Now I've been in a relationship, I feel like I'm

1433
01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 4: glad we got a relationship when we did, because hearing

1434
01:05:04,640 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 4: stories about our friends when they're out and this girl dad,

1435
01:05:08,240 --> 01:05:09,800
Speaker 4: and then they find out the girl was and who

1436
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:11,400
Speaker 4: they thought she was. But you met her at this

1437
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:14,080
Speaker 4: club at two am. Obviously she's not gonna be who

1438
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:20,560
Speaker 4: you met at two am. So it's like, obviously, I.

1439
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:22,200
Speaker 3: Do think a lot of people trying to paint this

1440
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:25,320
Speaker 3: picture that like if you're getting a committed relationship young

1441
01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:28,080
Speaker 3: and you getting married young, like you're gonna get to

1442
01:05:28,120 --> 01:05:30,240
Speaker 3: this place where you feel like you just missed out

1443
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:31,920
Speaker 3: on all these options and all this that and the

1444
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,120
Speaker 3: third and I'm like, y'all like.

1445
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:39,040
Speaker 8: That struggle, like like there's a lot of uncertainty when

1446
01:05:39,040 --> 01:05:39,440
Speaker 8: it comes.

1447
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 3: I gotta guess how this person feels. People don't know

1448
01:05:42,440 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 3: how to say it, like I got It's just a

1449
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:47,000
Speaker 3: lot of back and forth, like are we gonna be

1450
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:50,280
Speaker 3: committed all we night? Like I'm gonna be real. I

1451
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:53,919
Speaker 3: like stability, and people look, people be like, oh that's boring.

1452
01:05:53,960 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 3: They get to a place where they realize it's just boring.

1453
01:05:55,840 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 3: Give me boring, give me we rubbing our feet together

1454
01:06:00,240 --> 01:06:02,840
Speaker 3: our anime episode. I don't won't.

1455
01:06:03,400 --> 01:06:05,520
Speaker 4: And I'll say social media has messed up a lot

1456
01:06:05,520 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 4: more than we're willing to accept because I have a

1457
01:06:07,640 --> 01:06:10,480
Speaker 4: lot of friends who grew up in two parent households,

1458
01:06:10,600 --> 01:06:16,040
Speaker 4: parents together for forty fifty years, and they use examples

1459
01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:19,960
Speaker 4: of celebrities who have been in relationships and it didn't

1460
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:21,720
Speaker 4: work out. And I'm like, why not look at your home,

1461
01:06:22,880 --> 01:06:26,400
Speaker 4: that part your mom and daddy's still together. Why are

1462
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,040
Speaker 4: we looking at this man? First off, he got tens

1463
01:06:29,040 --> 01:06:33,080
Speaker 4: of twenties and fifties and millions of dollars. You don't.

1464
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,320
Speaker 2: Why are you comparing yourself to man?

1465
01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:39,600
Speaker 4: We got to stop doing that. Social media has messed

1466
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 4: up a lot of people's perceptional reality, and I just

1467
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:45,360
Speaker 4: hate it because I would I did not grow up

1468
01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:47,600
Speaker 4: with a two parent household, and I feel like I'm

1469
01:06:47,640 --> 01:06:50,160
Speaker 4: searching this and I'm trying to make sure that my

1470
01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:52,480
Speaker 4: kid grows up in a two parent household and it

1471
01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:54,480
Speaker 4: stays that way, and she sees and if we have

1472
01:06:54,520 --> 01:06:56,920
Speaker 4: a son or another daughter, they see what it's like

1473
01:06:57,280 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 4: to have a healthy two parent household. And I have

1474
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:03,960
Speaker 4: friends who have that and they are chasing something totally different.

1475
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:07,280
Speaker 4: But they will say but they will say they're looking

1476
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:09,080
Speaker 4: for their wife, and I'm like, no, you're not.

1477
01:07:12,560 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 5: And that's so good about social media because it does

1478
01:07:15,320 --> 01:07:19,760
Speaker 5: present like this illusion of options, and so people feel like,

1479
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:23,680
Speaker 5: why would I work hard here because I can just

1480
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:27,080
Speaker 5: respond back to this person who is in my d MS.

1481
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:32,200
Speaker 5: But the truth is that whatever you whenever you plan

1482
01:07:32,280 --> 01:07:34,760
Speaker 5: a seed, then you have to give it time. There

1483
01:07:34,800 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 5: will be a harvest. So wherever your time is spent,

1484
01:07:38,160 --> 01:07:41,680
Speaker 5: you're going to reap a harvest there. And you know

1485
01:07:41,880 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 5: it's not always easy. Like he's trying to plant the

1486
01:07:44,360 --> 01:07:47,360
Speaker 5: tree in our front yard right now and it keeps falling.

1487
01:07:47,120 --> 01:07:50,880
Speaker 4: Down because I haven't said that to them. You got

1488
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:51,560
Speaker 4: to reap the harvest.

1489
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:54,760
Speaker 3: The harvest it takes time.

1490
01:07:54,960 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 5: Like this tree is going to it's going to grow,

1491
01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 5: but right now it's just a little shape.

1492
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:01,560
Speaker 2: Okay, So this is a tree.

1493
01:08:01,600 --> 01:08:04,680
Speaker 1: It's a tree that my gardener playing in the yard

1494
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:08,600
Speaker 1: and he didn't anchor it down well. And so it's

1495
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,040
Speaker 1: been there for about two years. And the tree that

1496
01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:13,880
Speaker 1: was planning at the same time it's flourishing, it's growing.

1497
01:08:14,120 --> 01:08:17,559
Speaker 1: This other tree hasn't. It's probably half the size of

1498
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:19,200
Speaker 1: the it's a cypress, it's an.

1499
01:08:19,120 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 2: Italian cypress, and it's leaning. It was leaning over.

1500
01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:26,320
Speaker 1: So yesterday I went exactly but it was leaning all

1501
01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:29,080
Speaker 1: the way over. So I went and got some steaks.

1502
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:32,360
Speaker 1: I put in the ground and then it rained. And

1503
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:35,040
Speaker 1: when it rained, because I put it where I have

1504
01:08:35,160 --> 01:08:37,679
Speaker 1: the flowers at where where it rained, the soil broke

1505
01:08:37,800 --> 01:08:40,439
Speaker 1: loose and the tree was leaning again broke loose. So

1506
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:42,880
Speaker 1: then right before we came today.

1507
01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:45,559
Speaker 2: I put it. Well last night, I stuck it.

1508
01:08:45,439 --> 01:08:48,120
Speaker 1: In the harder part of the ground, and then it

1509
01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:50,760
Speaker 1: rained again and the wind, the wind blew it real

1510
01:08:50,840 --> 01:08:51,880
Speaker 1: hard and it broke.

1511
01:08:51,640 --> 01:08:53,960
Speaker 2: The little the little cable. It's a good lord. So

1512
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,120
Speaker 2: I went back tied it back down to leave.

1513
01:08:56,720 --> 01:08:59,120
Speaker 1: Uh. And she's using a great example because what she

1514
01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:01,519
Speaker 1: is saying is that oftentimes, if you're spending all your

1515
01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:04,320
Speaker 1: time planting your seeds at the club, planting your seeds

1516
01:09:04,320 --> 01:09:07,679
Speaker 1: at the bars, planting your seeds online on dating apps,

1517
01:09:07,720 --> 01:09:10,439
Speaker 1: just running through different women, running through different men, then

1518
01:09:10,479 --> 01:09:11,759
Speaker 1: that's where you're gonna reap your harvest.

1519
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:13,040
Speaker 2: But if you get in the.

1520
01:09:12,960 --> 01:09:15,280
Speaker 1: Mindset of saying, no, I want to build a foundation

1521
01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:18,920
Speaker 1: in something solid, then you get those same toxic people

1522
01:09:18,960 --> 01:09:22,040
Speaker 1: criticizing what y'all have, saying y'all got married to young

1523
01:09:22,240 --> 01:09:24,800
Speaker 1: and you like, how well, I mean, because you don't

1524
01:09:24,800 --> 01:09:26,920
Speaker 1: really know yourself yet and he don't really know hisself.

1525
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:28,400
Speaker 1: What if y'all wake up one day and say, y'all

1526
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:29,639
Speaker 1: want to be with each other no more?

1527
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 2: But what if that day never comes?

1528
01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:34,519
Speaker 1: That option is an option of that day never comes

1529
01:09:34,880 --> 01:09:36,920
Speaker 1: one of the most powerful things. And I couldn't write

1530
01:09:36,960 --> 01:09:40,439
Speaker 1: this if I wanted to. My nephew came to me.

1531
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:44,160
Speaker 1: And what came to Ashley when we spent Christmas together

1532
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:45,439
Speaker 1: the first time meeting her?

1533
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,479
Speaker 2: What did they say to you? What did Deonta say

1534
01:09:49,479 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 2: to you on Christmas?

1535
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 5: That you looked calm?

1536
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 1: He said, I've never seen my uncle this calm and settled.

1537
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:01,760
Speaker 1: And I said, I said, why do you say that?

1538
01:10:02,040 --> 01:10:04,280
Speaker 1: He said, because normally, like when we're spending Christmas or

1539
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:06,920
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving at your house, you run around, you doing all this.

1540
01:10:07,240 --> 01:10:09,880
Speaker 2: He said, Now you just you just chilling.

1541
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:13,760
Speaker 1: People will never know what that meant because they're not

1542
01:10:14,120 --> 01:10:17,000
Speaker 1: a part of my personal life. But in my vows,

1543
01:10:17,080 --> 01:10:19,679
Speaker 1: I said, I feel settled without settling.

1544
01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:21,559
Speaker 2: I said that in my vows.

1545
01:10:21,600 --> 01:10:24,040
Speaker 1: And many people may have seen it online and be like, Okay,

1546
01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:25,479
Speaker 1: that sound cool, or what are you trying to say that?

1547
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:26,880
Speaker 2: He settled? What are you trying? You know?

1548
01:10:26,920 --> 01:10:30,719
Speaker 1: They have toxified comment, but my family validated the fact

1549
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:35,439
Speaker 1: that my spirit is settled. I feel so at I

1550
01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:38,040
Speaker 1: wake up sometimes and I'd be like, this is my life.

1551
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:40,680
Speaker 2: I tell her, I said, I feel so I.

1552
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 1: Feel chilled, like obstacles can come our way. And I'd

1553
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:45,479
Speaker 1: be like, ain't no big deal.

1554
01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:46,120
Speaker 4: We got it.

1555
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:50,600
Speaker 1: I don't care what happens in life. I feel in

1556
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:54,160
Speaker 1: my soul. I got my partner, my teammate, and I'd

1557
01:10:54,160 --> 01:10:55,240
Speaker 1: be like, we're good.

1558
01:10:55,920 --> 01:10:56,400
Speaker 2: We're good.

1559
01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:59,559
Speaker 1: And that's what I want more men to get a

1560
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:05,520
Speaker 1: chance to experience that you're no longer wondering and wondering.

1561
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:09,080
Speaker 1: You're wondering who your spouse is, or wondering who this

1562
01:11:09,120 --> 01:11:11,200
Speaker 1: person is, or even if you're not even in marriage,

1563
01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:13,320
Speaker 1: mind that you just wondering who's the next woman you're

1564
01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:17,080
Speaker 1: gonna lay with? Basically, and you find yourself wandering through

1565
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:21,120
Speaker 1: the wilderness. God has a promised land for you if

1566
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:23,800
Speaker 1: you sell your spirit enough and say, God, who is

1567
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:24,600
Speaker 1: it that you have in the.

1568
01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:26,240
Speaker 2: Store for me? I value marriage.

1569
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:28,920
Speaker 1: I'm not going to toxify marriage by thinking, well, what

1570
01:11:29,040 --> 01:11:31,920
Speaker 1: if I'm married. I ask people this question all the time,

1571
01:11:32,560 --> 01:11:33,599
Speaker 1: would you like to get married?

1572
01:11:33,600 --> 01:11:33,960
Speaker 2: One day?

1573
01:11:34,160 --> 01:11:37,200
Speaker 1: I mean, if it's the right person, that's the obvious.

1574
01:11:40,880 --> 01:11:42,519
Speaker 1: I mean, if it's the right I ain't trying to

1575
01:11:42,560 --> 01:11:44,439
Speaker 1: get married to the wrong person. I said, do you

1576
01:11:44,439 --> 01:11:45,920
Speaker 1: want to get would you like to get married one day?

1577
01:11:46,360 --> 01:11:49,880
Speaker 1: And they'll come with the negative fear, not if it's

1578
01:11:49,920 --> 01:11:50,599
Speaker 1: the wrong person.

1579
01:11:50,720 --> 01:11:52,759
Speaker 2: I didn't ask you that.

1580
01:11:52,760 --> 01:11:55,760
Speaker 5: That's so much trauma, because what is speaking is your

1581
01:11:55,800 --> 01:11:58,960
Speaker 5: trauma is whatever that last situation that didn't work out.

1582
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:02,839
Speaker 5: Your speak to that instead of getting ready for your future.

1583
01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:06,320
Speaker 3: I did a this was I think twenty twenty one.

1584
01:12:06,640 --> 01:12:08,879
Speaker 3: I posted on my story one of those little questions

1585
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:13,200
Speaker 3: and I said, what is your standpoint on submission? Would

1586
01:12:13,240 --> 01:12:20,240
Speaker 3: you ever submit the number of people? Verbatim said, And

1587
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:22,160
Speaker 3: I don't know if this was like popular on social

1588
01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:25,120
Speaker 3: media at the time, but why would I do that?

1589
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:29,479
Speaker 3: He would lead me to hell, I said, and like

1590
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:34,000
Speaker 3: the number of I'm so serious. I would shock because

1591
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:35,840
Speaker 3: I'm looking at them. I'm like, I started, I start

1592
01:12:35,880 --> 01:12:38,800
Speaker 3: talking to one person because the other people were like,

1593
01:12:38,880 --> 01:12:41,800
Speaker 3: that's basically slavery. But there was this one person that

1594
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:45,599
Speaker 3: said that she was actively in a relationship. So I said, okay,

1595
01:12:45,720 --> 01:12:47,920
Speaker 3: my question is why would you choose to be with

1596
01:12:47,960 --> 01:12:50,200
Speaker 3: somebody that you feel like is going to lead you

1597
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:54,599
Speaker 3: to right if you submitted, because that is a cuss word.

1598
01:12:54,640 --> 01:12:56,719
Speaker 3: It is something that like you don't do. But people

1599
01:12:56,800 --> 01:13:01,679
Speaker 3: immediately went to the like negative side, and I'm like, okay,

1600
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:04,280
Speaker 3: I think there is a misunderstanding which I was on

1601
01:13:04,320 --> 01:13:06,040
Speaker 3: the other side at one point once upon a time,

1602
01:13:06,400 --> 01:13:09,280
Speaker 3: of what submission looks like. But I was also that

1603
01:13:09,479 --> 01:13:11,600
Speaker 3: was that was during the shift of me starting to

1604
01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:13,600
Speaker 3: value like, oh yeah, I would think I want to

1605
01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:15,720
Speaker 3: be a wife. So I'm having these conversations more and

1606
01:13:15,760 --> 01:13:18,519
Speaker 3: I realized, like there's very much a distorted view of

1607
01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:22,200
Speaker 3: what marriage is, what submission is, what leading is. And

1608
01:13:22,240 --> 01:13:24,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's kind of sad, but you know.

1609
01:13:24,400 --> 01:13:29,120
Speaker 5: The crazy part is is that submission literally is to

1610
01:13:29,240 --> 01:13:34,320
Speaker 5: come under the mission or the vision. So it's interesting that,

1611
01:13:34,439 --> 01:13:37,080
Speaker 5: like I feel like pop culture has made it mean

1612
01:13:37,200 --> 01:13:40,200
Speaker 5: something that it doesn't. It just means, like, what is

1613
01:13:40,240 --> 01:13:44,400
Speaker 5: the mission? When you guys get together, what is the mission?

1614
01:13:44,760 --> 01:13:46,600
Speaker 5: And everybody. It's funny to me because you can go

1615
01:13:46,640 --> 01:13:51,400
Speaker 5: to school for twenty years and all these objectives or

1616
01:13:51,479 --> 01:13:54,519
Speaker 5: course or silibate, you can like follow everything that your

1617
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:57,640
Speaker 5: professor is asking, but the moment, it's like, okay, for

1618
01:13:57,760 --> 01:14:01,200
Speaker 5: our household, these are our mission. Now you don't want

1619
01:14:01,240 --> 01:14:04,519
Speaker 5: to submit to that, which is really just saying, hey,

1620
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:06,800
Speaker 5: I'm on the team and I want to do my part,

1621
01:14:07,120 --> 01:14:10,000
Speaker 5: but you are the person who ultimately and this is

1622
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,840
Speaker 5: what I don't get and I'm gonna be off my

1623
01:14:11,920 --> 01:14:15,400
Speaker 5: high horse. But like, this is great for women because

1624
01:14:15,439 --> 01:14:19,160
Speaker 5: now you take the pressure God gives to you. He

1625
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:25,920
Speaker 5: puts that right here on your shoulders. Don't no, but

1626
01:14:26,040 --> 01:14:28,040
Speaker 5: just to my ladies, it's like, now we get to

1627
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,120
Speaker 5: be like, okay, cool.

1628
01:14:30,080 --> 01:14:32,000
Speaker 3: You got it, you know, and I do.

1629
01:14:32,080 --> 01:14:33,320
Speaker 5: Okay. I want to say one more thing. We just

1630
01:14:33,360 --> 01:14:36,640
Speaker 5: went to my family reunion. My cousin said to me,

1631
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:40,520
Speaker 5: my older cousin, my mom's first cousin, She said, I

1632
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:44,200
Speaker 5: love this version of you because she was at our wedding.

1633
01:14:44,439 --> 01:14:46,720
Speaker 5: But people haven't. My family hasn't gotten to see me

1634
01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:50,240
Speaker 5: interact with him outside of that. And they said, you

1635
01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:55,040
Speaker 5: just feel so light, you feel so soft, and so

1636
01:14:55,080 --> 01:14:58,120
Speaker 5: that's what I just for me. It made my heart

1637
01:14:58,200 --> 01:15:01,240
Speaker 5: smile because I said to myself, if I said, this

1638
01:15:01,320 --> 01:15:05,719
Speaker 5: is what resting and femininity looks like, and the sooner

1639
01:15:05,760 --> 01:15:07,880
Speaker 5: week because I grew up with a single momb So

1640
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:10,760
Speaker 5: I know, you know, running a business, I know how

1641
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:14,160
Speaker 5: to fight, I N D E, P E and D

1642
01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:15,200
Speaker 5: E and T.

1643
01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:16,920
Speaker 2: Do you know what that means?

1644
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:20,880
Speaker 5: You know all of that? Like I got that, but

1645
01:15:21,040 --> 01:15:24,439
Speaker 5: like to be able to be like this man has

1646
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:28,639
Speaker 5: me yes is a beautiful thing. So I just want

1647
01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:32,120
Speaker 5: to come against all the naysayers with the submission because

1648
01:15:32,160 --> 01:15:33,680
Speaker 5: it's actually a beautiful thing.

1649
01:15:34,040 --> 01:15:35,040
Speaker 2: It is.

1650
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:40,519
Speaker 1: Let's jump into this. It was a moment in y'all's marriage.

1651
01:15:40,640 --> 01:15:42,400
Speaker 1: If I were to asked, y'all, what was the hardest

1652
01:15:42,400 --> 01:15:43,160
Speaker 1: thing y'all had to.

1653
01:15:43,120 --> 01:15:44,920
Speaker 2: Deal with in your marriage? What would that be?

1654
01:15:46,360 --> 01:15:50,839
Speaker 4: Oh O, in our marriage? In our marriage?

1655
01:15:51,680 --> 01:15:54,720
Speaker 3: Well, okay, I would probably say for me, it was

1656
01:15:54,760 --> 01:16:00,240
Speaker 3: when we lost the baby. Yes, It's like during that time,

1657
01:16:01,720 --> 01:16:04,800
Speaker 3: I was like like he was doing everything for me.

1658
01:16:05,120 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 3: I was so in such a dark place, and I remember, like,

1659
01:16:12,560 --> 01:16:16,360
Speaker 3: grief is a weird thing when you're not angry at God.

1660
01:16:17,200 --> 01:16:19,000
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of people expect you to

1661
01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:21,000
Speaker 3: be angry at God when things happen, and I think

1662
01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,760
Speaker 3: it would have been easier to deal with it if

1663
01:16:22,800 --> 01:16:28,240
Speaker 3: I was angry. But it's like I can understand, well, okay,

1664
01:16:29,240 --> 01:16:32,120
Speaker 3: before we lost the baby. It's like a Friday. I'm

1665
01:16:32,200 --> 01:16:35,120
Speaker 3: driving and we had a doctor's appointment that day, and

1666
01:16:35,400 --> 01:16:38,439
Speaker 3: on my way to go to one of his basketball games.

1667
01:16:39,439 --> 01:16:41,760
Speaker 3: I'm just talking to God like we've just been having conversations,

1668
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:44,320
Speaker 3: and the Holy Spirit lays on my heart to pray.

1669
01:16:44,760 --> 01:16:47,960
Speaker 3: So I start praying. And as I'm praying, like the

1670
01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:52,200
Speaker 3: Holy Spirit lays on my heart to pray, God, you

1671
01:16:52,200 --> 01:16:54,280
Speaker 3: are still good even if I never meet my baby.

1672
01:16:54,479 --> 01:16:57,080
Speaker 2: Oh my God, and I start calling.

1673
01:16:57,120 --> 01:17:00,360
Speaker 3: I start crying. I'm crying. I'm crying, but I just

1674
01:17:00,439 --> 01:17:02,760
Speaker 3: keep saying it. I'm like, God, you were still good

1675
01:17:02,800 --> 01:17:04,439
Speaker 3: even if I never meet my baby. And I'm like,

1676
01:17:04,479 --> 01:17:08,759
Speaker 3: why am I saying this? So get to the school,

1677
01:17:09,479 --> 01:17:11,519
Speaker 3: go to the basketball game. I never tell money about this.

1678
01:17:11,840 --> 01:17:14,760
Speaker 3: We had a marriage retreat that we can did that

1679
01:17:15,439 --> 01:17:20,800
Speaker 3: Monday rolls around and I'm in so much pain. Later

1680
01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:22,519
Speaker 3: on that night, there was a look.

1681
01:17:22,600 --> 01:17:23,200
Speaker 5: There was blood.

1682
01:17:23,200 --> 01:17:25,840
Speaker 3: It was a lot. So call a friend. She says,

1683
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:28,920
Speaker 3: wait till in the morning. See what happens. Next morning,

1684
01:17:29,040 --> 01:17:32,760
Speaker 3: same situation. We go to the hospital. I get told

1685
01:17:32,840 --> 01:17:35,719
Speaker 3: that we need to be rolled back for emergency surgery

1686
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:41,040
Speaker 3: and that it was an ex topic pregnancy. So in

1687
01:17:41,080 --> 01:17:43,800
Speaker 3: that moment, like I forgot about the prayer, but like

1688
01:17:43,880 --> 01:17:49,200
Speaker 3: we're just praying. Money is just holding me, and I

1689
01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:52,719
Speaker 3: remember when I woke up that night, like we get home,

1690
01:17:52,800 --> 01:17:54,840
Speaker 3: we get past all that, and it's like really hitting me,

1691
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:56,799
Speaker 3: like we don't have the we don't have the baby anymore.

1692
01:17:57,840 --> 01:18:01,519
Speaker 3: And God reminds me of what I just like four

1693
01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:07,080
Speaker 3: days before, and it really hits me that, like God

1694
01:18:07,160 --> 01:18:10,200
Speaker 3: will keep you he I mean, and he was preparing

1695
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:13,840
Speaker 3: my heart for it. So though like I'm not mad

1696
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:16,920
Speaker 3: at God, I still have this grief, I still have

1697
01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:19,400
Speaker 3: this loss. I still miss this person I never met,

1698
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:21,519
Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh my God. So I'm trying to

1699
01:18:21,560 --> 01:18:23,080
Speaker 3: figure out what to do with the end of that process.

1700
01:18:23,120 --> 01:18:24,760
Speaker 3: I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to

1701
01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,320
Speaker 3: go anywhere, and I remember I'm praying every single day.

1702
01:18:27,439 --> 01:18:30,240
Speaker 3: Was I remember waking up to like Money praying over me,

1703
01:18:30,960 --> 01:18:35,880
Speaker 3: and I'm like, Okay, God, I'm grateful for who you

1704
01:18:35,960 --> 01:18:38,920
Speaker 3: are and you are still good and I still trust you,

1705
01:18:39,080 --> 01:18:41,320
Speaker 3: and even if I never know why, you are still

1706
01:18:41,400 --> 01:18:45,280
Speaker 3: good God. But this hurts. This hurts so bad, and

1707
01:18:45,320 --> 01:18:48,960
Speaker 3: I need somewhere to put this because I can't Oh

1708
01:18:49,000 --> 01:18:52,320
Speaker 3: my goodness. And I just felt like I'm in bed

1709
01:18:52,400 --> 01:18:54,439
Speaker 3: and he's going to go to work, and then he's

1710
01:18:54,439 --> 01:18:56,200
Speaker 3: coming back and he's finding me in the same place.

1711
01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:57,680
Speaker 3: He's getting me out of bed, and he's taking me

1712
01:18:57,720 --> 01:19:00,160
Speaker 3: to the bathroom to brush my teeth. He's put me

1713
01:19:00,160 --> 01:19:03,120
Speaker 3: in the shower to take a shower, like he's doing

1714
01:19:03,160 --> 01:19:06,200
Speaker 3: all of these things, and I'm like, you know what, God,

1715
01:19:06,680 --> 01:19:09,320
Speaker 3: I'm so grateful that even I don't know what to

1716
01:19:09,360 --> 01:19:10,880
Speaker 3: do with this, and I know he doesn't know what

1717
01:19:10,960 --> 01:19:14,160
Speaker 3: to do with this either, but he's still carrying me

1718
01:19:14,960 --> 01:19:17,360
Speaker 3: and like, you gave me this person, and I'm so

1719
01:19:17,520 --> 01:19:20,880
Speaker 3: grateful for that. But there was also like after I

1720
01:19:20,920 --> 01:19:22,400
Speaker 3: finally came out of that, there was a lot of

1721
01:19:22,439 --> 01:19:25,160
Speaker 3: guilt that hit me because I'm like, did you have

1722
01:19:25,240 --> 01:19:29,200
Speaker 3: time to grief? Like the whole time for a good minute.

1723
01:19:29,400 --> 01:19:31,760
Speaker 3: I'm like, you just were doing everything I need, but

1724
01:19:31,840 --> 01:19:34,839
Speaker 3: I wasn't even checking on you. I wasn't really focused

1725
01:19:34,880 --> 01:19:36,600
Speaker 3: on you. And I think what was hard for me

1726
01:19:36,720 --> 01:19:39,960
Speaker 3: is not just the grief, but also realizing like I

1727
01:19:40,000 --> 01:19:43,800
Speaker 3: feel like I left him alone and I'm asking him

1728
01:19:44,360 --> 01:19:46,760
Speaker 3: now like after the fact that he's like he's like

1729
01:19:47,360 --> 01:19:50,800
Speaker 3: he was hurting, but he's like, I understood that this

1730
01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:53,519
Speaker 3: happened to you, like this happened with us, but this

1731
01:19:53,600 --> 01:19:56,920
Speaker 3: happened to you. And that was just a hard Like

1732
01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:58,640
Speaker 3: that was just a hard thing. I don't think I

1733
01:19:58,640 --> 01:20:01,880
Speaker 3: stopped feeling guilty about that or a little a good

1734
01:20:01,880 --> 01:20:05,720
Speaker 3: little minute and be honest, but that even though it

1735
01:20:05,760 --> 01:20:08,160
Speaker 3: was the hardest thing that we had ever experienced, I

1736
01:20:08,200 --> 01:20:11,040
Speaker 3: think it was also something that like it just made

1737
01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:14,040
Speaker 3: me realize, like, this is my person, this is my person.

1738
01:20:14,200 --> 01:20:17,000
Speaker 3: Because after that, we were getting people that was like

1739
01:20:17,439 --> 01:20:20,000
Speaker 3: my husband just was like treated like it was an

1740
01:20:20,080 --> 01:20:22,280
Speaker 3: everyday thing because so many women have gone through so

1741
01:20:22,360 --> 01:20:25,120
Speaker 3: it's not that deep. Like at least it wasn't like

1742
01:20:25,240 --> 01:20:29,120
Speaker 3: after she got here, after he got here, and I'm like,

1743
01:20:29,200 --> 01:20:32,640
Speaker 3: oh my god. And it made me that much more grateful.

1744
01:20:32,920 --> 01:20:35,479
Speaker 3: And I'm not saying that like it's a good thing

1745
01:20:35,520 --> 01:20:37,439
Speaker 3: we went through something like that, but I am saying

1746
01:20:37,520 --> 01:20:40,080
Speaker 3: that though it was the hardest thing, it is also

1747
01:20:40,160 --> 01:20:44,400
Speaker 3: something that further solidified like this is my purpose part

1748
01:20:44,439 --> 01:20:47,160
Speaker 3: and this is my person. And that was that was

1749
01:20:47,200 --> 01:20:50,320
Speaker 3: so disrespected, that was so disrespectfully difficult. I'm not gonna lie,

1750
01:20:50,560 --> 01:20:52,720
Speaker 3: how did you know what she needed. How did you

1751
01:20:52,800 --> 01:20:55,240
Speaker 3: know how to support her during that time?

1752
01:20:55,400 --> 01:20:56,439
Speaker 2: And so before you answer.

1753
01:20:56,280 --> 01:20:58,120
Speaker 1: That, I just want to give that scripture because you

1754
01:20:58,160 --> 01:21:01,280
Speaker 1: said it's not a good thing that happened, but it

1755
01:21:01,320 --> 01:21:04,680
Speaker 1: was something that happened. And the scripture says, for I know,

1756
01:21:04,880 --> 01:21:07,519
Speaker 1: all things work together for the good of them that

1757
01:21:07,680 --> 01:21:10,320
Speaker 1: loved God into the called according to his purpose. And

1758
01:21:10,360 --> 01:21:13,120
Speaker 1: so that's so powerful because it doesn't say that everything

1759
01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:15,960
Speaker 1: is going to be good that happens, but it's gonna

1760
01:21:16,000 --> 01:21:18,000
Speaker 1: work out for your good. So I just wanted to

1761
01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:20,519
Speaker 1: put that scripture in there and go ahead.

1762
01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:23,720
Speaker 4: And I will say I think around that time I

1763
01:21:23,760 --> 01:21:27,040
Speaker 4: had dealt with so much grief or loss at that

1764
01:21:27,080 --> 01:21:30,600
Speaker 4: point in time that I don't want to say I

1765
01:21:30,680 --> 01:21:31,840
Speaker 4: was just all the way numb to it, because I

1766
01:21:31,880 --> 01:21:34,639
Speaker 4: did feel a way because this was our first kid,

1767
01:21:35,240 --> 01:21:37,720
Speaker 4: and we did lose this like like she said, we

1768
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:40,760
Speaker 4: lost this child, but this happened to her, like they

1769
01:21:40,800 --> 01:21:43,840
Speaker 4: had to go in and cut her tube open, and

1770
01:21:43,880 --> 01:21:47,400
Speaker 4: like she the whole process was just crazy, just cutting

1771
01:21:47,400 --> 01:21:50,320
Speaker 4: her tube open and then us realizing that they or

1772
01:21:50,360 --> 01:21:52,240
Speaker 4: they didn't just cut a part of her too, but

1773
01:21:52,520 --> 01:21:55,280
Speaker 4: they cut her whole right tube like and nobody told

1774
01:21:55,320 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 4: us that until last.

1775
01:21:57,240 --> 01:22:02,639
Speaker 3: Year or afterwards, that my entire right tube had been

1776
01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:05,360
Speaker 3: completely removed. And that's why it was so difficult for

1777
01:22:05,479 --> 01:22:08,000
Speaker 3: us to get pregnant, because we were told at the time,

1778
01:22:08,680 --> 01:22:11,000
Speaker 3: both before the surgery that it would only be a

1779
01:22:11,040 --> 01:22:13,080
Speaker 3: portion and then my six week postop that it was

1780
01:22:13,120 --> 01:22:15,760
Speaker 3: just a portion that was removed. The pregnant and getting

1781
01:22:15,760 --> 01:22:19,479
Speaker 3: pregnant shouldn't be an issue, and it was a whole thing.

1782
01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:21,680
Speaker 3: And I found out a year later because I was

1783
01:22:21,720 --> 01:22:26,519
Speaker 3: in excruciating pain. I went to my OB and she

1784
01:22:26,720 --> 01:22:29,840
Speaker 3: was like she She's like, are you guys trying Are

1785
01:22:29,880 --> 01:22:31,599
Speaker 3: you on birthnay? Ch'all said, no, we're trying to get pregnant.

1786
01:22:31,720 --> 01:22:34,200
Speaker 3: And she just says it must be frustrated trying to

1787
01:22:34,200 --> 01:22:37,280
Speaker 3: get pregnant with only one operating ovary. Wow, And like

1788
01:22:37,560 --> 01:22:39,320
Speaker 3: you know why she up and now And I was like,

1789
01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:40,479
Speaker 3: hold on, what did you just say?

1790
01:22:40,720 --> 01:22:41,320
Speaker 2: Wow?

1791
01:22:41,439 --> 01:22:43,840
Speaker 3: And like the nurse left the room and she looked

1792
01:22:43,880 --> 01:22:46,760
Speaker 3: up and she was like, you know, you only have

1793
01:22:46,920 --> 01:22:50,120
Speaker 3: like one that you're you're really able to use. And

1794
01:22:50,120 --> 01:22:52,760
Speaker 3: I said, what are you talking about? And she leaves

1795
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:56,240
Speaker 3: the room. She comes back, she informs me that the

1796
01:22:56,280 --> 01:22:59,720
Speaker 3: person who did our my procedure had been fired that

1797
01:22:59,880 --> 01:23:05,880
Speaker 3: year year for like discrepancies with patients, issues with his surgeries,

1798
01:23:06,000 --> 01:23:08,439
Speaker 3: the way that he logged stuff, et cetera. But I

1799
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:10,840
Speaker 3: told her, like verbatim, this is what I was told.

1800
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:14,360
Speaker 3: And then I said, I leave room for misunderstanding because

1801
01:23:14,360 --> 01:23:16,120
Speaker 3: I was going through grief. And then at one point,

1802
01:23:16,240 --> 01:23:17,519
Speaker 3: like I was on, they all had me on a

1803
01:23:17,560 --> 01:23:20,360
Speaker 3: bunch of different drugs. But then I didn't call I

1804
01:23:20,360 --> 01:23:22,160
Speaker 3: didn't tell money what happened. I didn't tell my mom

1805
01:23:22,160 --> 01:23:24,080
Speaker 3: what happened. But I called them and I asked them

1806
01:23:24,360 --> 01:23:27,240
Speaker 3: because they were both there. I said, what happened when

1807
01:23:27,800 --> 01:23:30,160
Speaker 3: I had my extopic pregnancy went through surgery? Can you

1808
01:23:30,200 --> 01:23:32,320
Speaker 3: tell me what the doctor said? Can you tell me

1809
01:23:32,360 --> 01:23:34,800
Speaker 3: what they said? Six weeks later in post off? And

1810
01:23:34,840 --> 01:23:38,439
Speaker 3: it was the same thing verbatim, so my obi had

1811
01:23:38,680 --> 01:23:41,040
Speaker 3: She basically told me. She said, since you don't have

1812
01:23:41,360 --> 01:23:44,439
Speaker 3: your right to you're dependent upon your left so when

1813
01:23:44,479 --> 01:23:47,240
Speaker 3: you're right, when eggs drop from your right side, they

1814
01:23:47,280 --> 01:23:51,200
Speaker 3: don't have anywhere to travel. Yeah, but the way that

1815
01:23:51,240 --> 01:23:52,600
Speaker 3: God works is so crazy.

1816
01:23:52,439 --> 01:23:55,639
Speaker 4: Where you say that, Okay, I was gonna say sorry

1817
01:23:55,680 --> 01:23:57,559
Speaker 4: before she said that, I was gonna say, in dealing

1818
01:23:57,600 --> 01:24:00,679
Speaker 4: with a lot of loss, I know how it felt

1819
01:24:00,760 --> 01:24:03,519
Speaker 4: to be even surrounded by a lot of people but

1820
01:24:03,600 --> 01:24:06,360
Speaker 4: still feel alone, like you have no help, nobody's there

1821
01:24:06,400 --> 01:24:09,599
Speaker 4: for you, or nobody's actually there to help you with anything.

1822
01:24:09,640 --> 01:24:12,360
Speaker 4: So even though we sleeping in the same bed every night,

1823
01:24:12,600 --> 01:24:14,679
Speaker 4: or we're at the same house or whatever, I still

1824
01:24:14,720 --> 01:24:17,160
Speaker 4: wanted her to feel like she had somebody there helping

1825
01:24:17,200 --> 01:24:19,639
Speaker 4: her out so that she didn't have to tackle everything.

1826
01:24:19,720 --> 01:24:22,400
Speaker 4: I'm gonna clean the house, I'm I'm taking care of dinner.

1827
01:24:22,479 --> 01:24:24,720
Speaker 4: I'm making sure I'm going out and getting stuff for us.

1828
01:24:24,840 --> 01:24:26,360
Speaker 4: Like she said she would be in bed all day. No,

1829
01:24:26,439 --> 01:24:28,280
Speaker 4: let me get you up. We need to move around.

1830
01:24:28,320 --> 01:24:30,040
Speaker 4: I don't want you to sulk in this, and I

1831
01:24:30,120 --> 01:24:31,599
Speaker 4: want you to know that I'm here for you every

1832
01:24:31,600 --> 01:24:33,360
Speaker 4: step of the way. And that was kind of where

1833
01:24:33,360 --> 01:24:35,560
Speaker 4: my mindset was at during that process.

1834
01:24:35,960 --> 01:24:38,559
Speaker 5: That's good, that's real good. And to be able to

1835
01:24:38,680 --> 01:24:41,960
Speaker 5: draw on the experiences that you had to show up,

1836
01:24:42,000 --> 01:24:46,560
Speaker 5: because I know sometimes we hear men not knowing exactly

1837
01:24:46,600 --> 01:24:48,800
Speaker 5: how to show up for women like that. So I

1838
01:24:49,240 --> 01:24:49,960
Speaker 5: salute you for that.

1839
01:24:50,760 --> 01:24:53,360
Speaker 1: For me, they'll just leave the one right and be

1840
01:24:53,479 --> 01:24:55,800
Speaker 1: like I don't know how to deal with you right now,

1841
01:24:55,880 --> 01:24:58,000
Speaker 1: So go figure out my own.

1842
01:24:57,840 --> 01:24:59,720
Speaker 4: Life, because she was that for me when my mom

1843
01:24:59,720 --> 01:25:01,400
Speaker 4: pad Like I didn't know how to deal.

1844
01:25:01,280 --> 01:25:04,240
Speaker 2: With the feelings, and that was prior to that happened before.

1845
01:25:04,000 --> 01:25:07,000
Speaker 4: That happened before, and I didn't know what I was

1846
01:25:07,040 --> 01:25:08,880
Speaker 4: dealing with or what was going on. And she was

1847
01:25:09,160 --> 01:25:11,240
Speaker 4: that person for me that helped me get through this.

1848
01:25:11,280 --> 01:25:14,439
Speaker 4: And then literally right after that, her grandma passed away

1849
01:25:14,720 --> 01:25:17,240
Speaker 4: like it was twenty at the end of twenty one

1850
01:25:17,479 --> 01:25:20,000
Speaker 4: and then the beginning of twenty two, these having back

1851
01:25:20,040 --> 01:25:22,880
Speaker 4: to back and then so I just knew and us

1852
01:25:22,920 --> 01:25:24,920
Speaker 4: dealing with that and being that person for each other

1853
01:25:25,240 --> 01:25:27,240
Speaker 4: no matter what came up in life. I know that

1854
01:25:27,320 --> 01:25:29,120
Speaker 4: I want to be that person for you to make

1855
01:25:29,160 --> 01:25:30,799
Speaker 4: sure that you don't ever feel like you're alone.

1856
01:25:30,840 --> 01:25:33,559
Speaker 1: So your mom passed in twenty one, and then her

1857
01:25:33,560 --> 01:25:35,920
Speaker 1: grandma on twenty two, and y'all lost y'all child in

1858
01:25:35,920 --> 01:25:38,519
Speaker 1: twenty three, and where year was at twenty four?

1859
01:25:38,640 --> 01:25:43,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is what marriage is about. Like people look

1860
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:48,040
Speaker 5: for the wrong thing. They are focused on the bank account,

1861
01:25:48,200 --> 01:25:51,519
Speaker 5: the look, but like when you go through life together

1862
01:25:51,760 --> 01:25:55,880
Speaker 5: like this, like that's that's what really solidified.

1863
01:25:55,400 --> 01:25:57,280
Speaker 1: And it solidifies the fact why y'all had to get

1864
01:25:57,280 --> 01:26:00,360
Speaker 1: married when y'all did, because y'all needed each other to

1865
01:26:00,400 --> 01:26:02,920
Speaker 1: go through it. You would have lost your because you

1866
01:26:03,040 --> 01:26:06,439
Speaker 1: would have lost your your your mom when you did.

1867
01:26:06,840 --> 01:26:09,639
Speaker 1: And you know, at the end of the day, you've

1868
01:26:09,720 --> 01:26:11,120
Speaker 1: just been going through it by yourself, you know what

1869
01:26:11,120 --> 01:26:13,200
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But now you got your partner to help

1870
01:26:13,240 --> 01:26:15,519
Speaker 1: you go through it. You know she was gonna lose

1871
01:26:15,560 --> 01:26:18,400
Speaker 1: her grandma. She needed she needed you. It's like, that's

1872
01:26:18,400 --> 01:26:22,120
Speaker 1: what solidifies for I know all things work together for

1873
01:26:22,160 --> 01:26:23,960
Speaker 1: the good of them that loved God into the called

1874
01:26:23,960 --> 01:26:26,800
Speaker 1: according to his purpose. When I when that scripture just

1875
01:26:27,000 --> 01:26:30,679
Speaker 1: washes over y'all and you are able to see those

1876
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:34,360
Speaker 1: iterations throughout your marriages, throughout your marriage and be able

1877
01:26:34,400 --> 01:26:37,639
Speaker 1: to see that, Wow, this right here happened and God

1878
01:26:37,720 --> 01:26:40,200
Speaker 1: saw through. This right here happened, and God saw through

1879
01:26:40,479 --> 01:26:43,479
Speaker 1: And now we're experiencing a loss together. And it's so

1880
01:26:43,600 --> 01:26:49,160
Speaker 1: unfortunate oftentimes where a child is lost and the mother

1881
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:52,679
Speaker 1: gets all the attention, all the everything, and and the father.

1882
01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:56,160
Speaker 1: Because I interviewed a couple before and the guy said,

1883
01:26:56,320 --> 01:26:59,120
Speaker 1: no one ever checked on me. And he said that

1884
01:26:59,120 --> 01:27:02,320
Speaker 1: that's different from what Money said. Money said, I knew

1885
01:27:02,320 --> 01:27:04,160
Speaker 1: that I had to do this for her. The loss

1886
01:27:04,280 --> 01:27:08,200
Speaker 1: happened to us, but how you word it, happened to us,

1887
01:27:08,240 --> 01:27:09,559
Speaker 1: but how you how you worded.

1888
01:27:09,320 --> 01:27:12,160
Speaker 4: It, it happened. This was a thing that happened between us,

1889
01:27:12,160 --> 01:27:12,439
Speaker 4: but to.

1890
01:27:12,479 --> 01:27:14,519
Speaker 2: Her, yeah, between us, but to her.

1891
01:27:15,320 --> 01:27:19,680
Speaker 1: Other people say, I lost my child too, and no

1892
01:27:19,720 --> 01:27:22,599
Speaker 1: one checked on me. And everybody came and gave all

1893
01:27:22,680 --> 01:27:25,640
Speaker 1: attention to the mother. The wife did all this, and

1894
01:27:25,680 --> 01:27:27,800
Speaker 1: the man's just sitting there like as if they didn't

1895
01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:31,160
Speaker 1: lose their child, and yeah, and so it's it's that's

1896
01:27:31,160 --> 01:27:33,320
Speaker 1: the reason I'm glad that she circled back, because that

1897
01:27:33,400 --> 01:27:35,080
Speaker 1: was my next question I was going to ask you

1898
01:27:35,600 --> 01:27:37,519
Speaker 1: is how did you cope with it? How did you

1899
01:27:37,600 --> 01:27:40,160
Speaker 1: deal with it? Did you get the need that you

1900
01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:43,560
Speaker 1: get your that you grieved properly, because a lot of

1901
01:27:43,640 --> 01:27:46,240
Speaker 1: men don't grieve, They just bury it.

1902
01:27:46,600 --> 01:27:48,840
Speaker 4: And I will say people who checked on us, I

1903
01:27:48,840 --> 01:27:50,400
Speaker 4: will say, there was a lot of people who checked

1904
01:27:50,439 --> 01:27:52,200
Speaker 4: on who would come and make sure he was okay.

1905
01:27:52,200 --> 01:27:53,840
Speaker 4: But they will pull me to the side and they

1906
01:27:53,840 --> 01:27:55,679
Speaker 4: would say, hey, I want to check on you as well,

1907
01:27:55,960 --> 01:27:57,760
Speaker 4: because I know a lot of times the men do,

1908
01:27:57,960 --> 01:27:59,439
Speaker 4: like you said, they don't get checked on. And there

1909
01:27:59,479 --> 01:28:01,880
Speaker 4: was a lot of my family and our friends who

1910
01:28:02,240 --> 01:28:04,280
Speaker 4: made sure they also checked on me as well.

1911
01:28:04,400 --> 01:28:04,840
Speaker 2: That's good.

1912
01:28:04,960 --> 01:28:07,880
Speaker 1: Thank y'all to the community that actually checked on him,

1913
01:28:07,920 --> 01:28:11,519
Speaker 1: because men will isolate and they just build resentment and

1914
01:28:11,560 --> 01:28:14,120
Speaker 1: then they just they start self medicating.

1915
01:28:14,280 --> 01:28:15,840
Speaker 2: You said you don't drink, but then that'd be the

1916
01:28:15,840 --> 01:28:17,400
Speaker 2: time you started drinking. You know what I'm saying.

1917
01:28:17,720 --> 01:28:22,360
Speaker 1: You start self medicating on stuff that's very unnecessary. But

1918
01:28:22,840 --> 01:28:25,439
Speaker 1: glory to God that y'all went through that. And then

1919
01:28:25,720 --> 01:28:29,200
Speaker 1: what's the praise report? So y'all went through Yeah, the

1920
01:28:29,280 --> 01:28:29,840
Speaker 1: praise report.

1921
01:28:29,920 --> 01:28:32,919
Speaker 4: So no, no right, no right to.

1922
01:28:32,200 --> 01:28:35,559
Speaker 3: I've just learned this information from Obi. Then I called Doc.

1923
01:28:35,720 --> 01:28:37,920
Speaker 3: Doc is my bonus mom. So I called Doc and

1924
01:28:37,960 --> 01:28:40,559
Speaker 3: I'm telling her what happened, and she's like mm hmmm

1925
01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:43,479
Speaker 3: mm hmmm mm hmm. Okay, Well, I'm just gonna tell

1926
01:28:43,479 --> 01:28:45,880
Speaker 3: you this because you talking like you don't know who

1927
01:28:45,920 --> 01:28:47,960
Speaker 3: God is there it is so at the end of

1928
01:28:48,000 --> 01:28:50,200
Speaker 3: the day, you gonna get pregnant and watch it be

1929
01:28:50,280 --> 01:28:52,040
Speaker 3: on the right side. I don't care what they say.

1930
01:28:52,560 --> 01:28:56,240
Speaker 3: I said, Okay, Doc, you're right. I'm gonna trust the Lord.

1931
01:28:56,280 --> 01:28:58,720
Speaker 3: I'm gonna trust the Lord, she said, on.

1932
01:28:58,760 --> 01:29:04,680
Speaker 10: The side that has the common Yes, I said, And

1933
01:29:05,080 --> 01:29:06,920
Speaker 10: I set up a point like at the end of

1934
01:29:06,920 --> 01:29:09,360
Speaker 10: that appointment with her, we had set up appointment for

1935
01:29:09,360 --> 01:29:12,160
Speaker 10: two weeks out to do eggertry well to see how

1936
01:29:12,240 --> 01:29:15,800
Speaker 10: healthy like the left side was right, and she was like,

1937
01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:17,360
Speaker 10: we need to wait till your next cycle comes out,

1938
01:29:17,360 --> 01:29:18,080
Speaker 10: and say, okay, cool.

1939
01:29:18,680 --> 01:29:20,880
Speaker 3: So by the time my next cycle was supposed to

1940
01:29:20,880 --> 01:29:25,200
Speaker 3: come on, I was like, where's that? And I go.

1941
01:29:25,400 --> 01:29:27,479
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna take a pregnancy test, which

1942
01:29:27,520 --> 01:29:29,519
Speaker 3: it didn't make any sense because I have been late

1943
01:29:29,560 --> 01:29:31,000
Speaker 3: for extended periods of time, but this was like a

1944
01:29:31,080 --> 01:29:33,400
Speaker 3: day late. So I take a pregnant test. But I

1945
01:29:33,439 --> 01:29:34,640
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not gonna look at it because I'm

1946
01:29:34,640 --> 01:29:35,520
Speaker 3: tired of disappointment.

1947
01:29:36,280 --> 01:29:36,880
Speaker 2: Hours.

1948
01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:39,599
Speaker 3: I want to say, like maybe four or five hours,

1949
01:29:39,840 --> 01:29:41,040
Speaker 3: because I just left in the bathroom and I went

1950
01:29:41,040 --> 01:29:42,920
Speaker 3: about my business. We had we had men coming up

1951
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:48,320
Speaker 3: to the house to redo the floors, so I wasn't

1952
01:29:48,360 --> 01:29:51,080
Speaker 3: even thinking about it. And then I dawned on me

1953
01:29:51,160 --> 01:29:53,160
Speaker 3: after he left for a basketball game. Oh go check.

1954
01:29:53,439 --> 01:29:56,320
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh my god, I'm pregnant. I was like, wait,

1955
01:29:56,520 --> 01:30:02,080
Speaker 3: but he's not here in the car, and then he

1956
01:30:02,120 --> 01:30:04,080
Speaker 3: called me on my way home, like, oh my god,

1957
01:30:04,240 --> 01:30:06,240
Speaker 3: So I come home. I tell him and we set

1958
01:30:06,280 --> 01:30:09,200
Speaker 3: up an appointment immediately because my Obi wanted to make sure.

1959
01:30:09,200 --> 01:30:11,400
Speaker 3: She said, your chances are an increased for etopic pregnancy

1960
01:30:11,439 --> 01:30:13,320
Speaker 3: after the first by like four or five percent, So

1961
01:30:13,320 --> 01:30:17,800
Speaker 3: we had appointment immediately. Explain atypical pregnancy is so an

1962
01:30:17,840 --> 01:30:21,360
Speaker 3: exopic pregnancy is when you're essentially the baby doesn't travel

1963
01:30:21,360 --> 01:30:24,160
Speaker 3: all the way through your filopian tube. Instead, the baby

1964
01:30:24,160 --> 01:30:26,240
Speaker 3: gets stuck and doesn't make it to the uterus, so

1965
01:30:26,280 --> 01:30:30,040
Speaker 3: they begin to grow. Now it's not a viable fetus,

1966
01:30:30,080 --> 01:30:32,559
Speaker 3: but it will continue to grow and sometimes it can

1967
01:30:32,640 --> 01:30:35,360
Speaker 3: rupture the tube and it can kill both you and

1968
01:30:35,400 --> 01:30:39,519
Speaker 3: the baby. So we caught it, and my Obie did

1969
01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:42,800
Speaker 3: explain that my twoe had ruptured and that's why they

1970
01:30:42,840 --> 01:30:44,479
Speaker 3: had to remove it. But it was not conveyed in

1971
01:30:44,560 --> 01:30:48,360
Speaker 3: the notes or anything like that. But we caught it,

1972
01:30:48,800 --> 01:30:52,200
Speaker 3: take care of it, got surgery and everything, and I

1973
01:30:52,400 --> 01:30:55,960
Speaker 3: ended up being okay. But basically there's no viable pregnancy

1974
01:30:55,960 --> 01:30:59,639
Speaker 3: that can come from that. But that being said, we

1975
01:31:00,240 --> 01:31:02,240
Speaker 3: went up they said let's do an ultra sound to

1976
01:31:02,280 --> 01:31:05,160
Speaker 3: make sure it's in the right placement this time. So

1977
01:31:05,200 --> 01:31:08,040
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, great, and as we're doing it,

1978
01:31:08,040 --> 01:31:09,800
Speaker 3: it's like, oh, there it is, okay great, yeah, da

1979
01:31:09,840 --> 01:31:12,920
Speaker 3: da da, And she said, oh my goodness, Oh do

1980
01:31:12,960 --> 01:31:16,120
Speaker 3: you want to see like which over it was? And

1981
01:31:16,200 --> 01:31:19,240
Speaker 3: she goes over to the right side and not only

1982
01:31:19,360 --> 01:31:21,840
Speaker 3: is it enlarge, but there's so much like blood flow.

1983
01:31:21,920 --> 01:31:23,400
Speaker 3: She was like, it's so healthy this, that and the

1984
01:31:23,439 --> 01:31:28,160
Speaker 3: third and I said, hold on. I was like, what

1985
01:31:28,200 --> 01:31:30,559
Speaker 3: are saying. That's not bout I ain't got.

1986
01:31:30,520 --> 01:31:35,920
Speaker 5: A tube over there and was like, So she goes

1987
01:31:35,920 --> 01:31:38,080
Speaker 5: to the left and there's nothing, like you don't see

1988
01:31:38,080 --> 01:31:39,160
Speaker 5: anything on the left side.

1989
01:31:39,240 --> 01:31:40,640
Speaker 3: I was first of all, I was worried about the

1990
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:42,559
Speaker 3: left over it and the blood flow. She was like, no,

1991
01:31:42,840 --> 01:31:45,040
Speaker 3: it came from over here. And then she goes she said, oh,

1992
01:31:45,280 --> 01:31:49,960
Speaker 3: you don't have a tube over here. I don't know

1993
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:54,040
Speaker 3: how like I don't know and she said, but that

1994
01:31:57,280 --> 01:31:58,120
Speaker 3: doctor sits them.

1995
01:31:58,160 --> 01:32:02,280
Speaker 4: I said, what just happened from the right ovary to

1996
01:32:02,320 --> 01:32:03,040
Speaker 4: the left tube?

1997
01:32:03,600 --> 01:32:05,759
Speaker 3: That is what happened, yes, And I said.

1998
01:32:05,880 --> 01:32:08,120
Speaker 4: The baby came from the right ovary.

1999
01:32:09,560 --> 01:32:10,719
Speaker 3: It doesn't make any sense.

2000
01:32:11,240 --> 01:32:14,080
Speaker 4: I said, okay, And it's crazy that doc said that,

2001
01:32:14,160 --> 01:32:15,639
Speaker 4: because that's exactly what happened.

2002
01:32:15,680 --> 01:32:18,000
Speaker 3: That's exactly what happened. And I'm talking to my doctor

2003
01:32:18,040 --> 01:32:19,599
Speaker 3: about it, and she's sitting here like she said, I'm

2004
01:32:19,600 --> 01:32:21,719
Speaker 3: gonna be honest, I have never seen this happen before.

2005
01:32:22,160 --> 01:32:24,680
Speaker 3: I don't know what to tell you, and I'm like,

2006
01:32:25,080 --> 01:32:26,880
Speaker 3: it's the Lord, it's the Lord.

2007
01:32:28,160 --> 01:32:30,160
Speaker 4: Ain't no explanation for it. We can't. We don't have one.

2008
01:32:30,200 --> 01:32:31,000
Speaker 4: Doctors don't either.

2009
01:32:32,800 --> 01:32:34,360
Speaker 5: Let me tell you about my guys.

2010
01:32:34,680 --> 01:32:36,280
Speaker 2: I know all things work together.

2011
01:32:37,680 --> 01:32:44,960
Speaker 9: And now six months, oh my gosh, I have to

2012
01:32:45,000 --> 01:32:47,840
Speaker 9: see pictures.

2013
01:32:48,320 --> 01:32:50,639
Speaker 2: Don't take your kid. She won't take your kids.

2014
01:32:52,040 --> 01:32:55,760
Speaker 5: I just I mean, Auntie Ashley could just babe like

2015
01:32:55,800 --> 01:33:00,160
Speaker 5: a night out. I got you. I was afore. I'm

2016
01:33:00,160 --> 01:33:08,200
Speaker 5: a teacher, so as I so I'm I'm safe.

2017
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:11,400
Speaker 2: How did it feel giving birth to this miracle child?

2018
01:33:12,160 --> 01:33:15,760
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, it was like such a sense of

2019
01:33:17,120 --> 01:33:20,759
Speaker 3: I can't believe her here, Like God, it is insane

2020
01:33:20,800 --> 01:33:26,680
Speaker 3: when they say birth is a crazy experience. I still like,

2021
01:33:26,800 --> 01:33:29,000
Speaker 3: once she came out, I couldn't. I couldn't put together.

2022
01:33:29,040 --> 01:33:30,479
Speaker 3: And he like, oh my god, you just came out

2023
01:33:30,479 --> 01:33:33,880
Speaker 3: of me and the whole time I was in labor forever.

2024
01:33:34,200 --> 01:33:41,280
Speaker 3: But it's like thirty hours unmedicated. It was, oh, I'm

2025
01:33:41,320 --> 01:33:45,360
Speaker 3: scared of needles.

2026
01:33:43,280 --> 01:33:47,120
Speaker 4: Wow, she's so scared of needles that she had a

2027
01:33:47,200 --> 01:33:49,479
Speaker 4: dental procedure done this year without the numbing.

2028
01:33:49,600 --> 01:33:50,360
Speaker 2: You lie.

2029
01:33:53,160 --> 01:33:55,360
Speaker 4: So scared of the numb and needles. She was like, no, y'all,

2030
01:33:55,400 --> 01:33:57,679
Speaker 4: just do it and said the open.

2031
01:34:03,200 --> 01:34:05,479
Speaker 3: He was like the whole time, he said, are you okay?

2032
01:34:05,560 --> 01:34:08,719
Speaker 3: And I'm surprised, but I'm like, I'm like, yeah, tears

2033
01:34:08,760 --> 01:34:09,240
Speaker 3: rolling now.

2034
01:34:11,360 --> 01:34:12,000
Speaker 2: In your mouth.

2035
01:34:13,600 --> 01:34:15,360
Speaker 3: This is the crazy thing I've ever done. Because he

2036
01:34:15,479 --> 01:34:18,640
Speaker 3: convinced me to go and try like the needle like

2037
01:34:18,680 --> 01:34:20,760
Speaker 3: He's like, because I had to have another procedure done,

2038
01:34:21,120 --> 01:34:23,040
Speaker 3: and I was like, okay, I'm gonna do it. He said,

2039
01:34:23,240 --> 01:34:26,519
Speaker 3: they numb it first, Haley, and they do the jail first.

2040
01:34:26,800 --> 01:34:28,920
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do it. And it was I said, I

2041
01:34:28,920 --> 01:34:31,480
Speaker 3: can't believe I did that to myself.

2042
01:34:32,000 --> 01:34:34,160
Speaker 2: It's crazy people drilling.

2043
01:34:35,640 --> 01:34:36,120
Speaker 3: I did.

2044
01:34:36,800 --> 01:34:39,559
Speaker 8: Like he said, he said, okay, if that's what you want,

2045
01:34:40,840 --> 01:34:42,680
Speaker 8: Like I think it was gonna be a procedure and

2046
01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:45,519
Speaker 8: he'd be like, I'm sorry, I can't do that. There's liability, No,

2047
01:34:45,760 --> 01:34:50,040
Speaker 8: he said, And I cried the whole time, but like

2048
01:34:50,640 --> 01:34:51,639
Speaker 8: I didn't flinch.

2049
01:34:51,760 --> 01:34:54,160
Speaker 2: I was that is crazy.

2050
01:34:54,560 --> 01:34:56,559
Speaker 5: Wow, he let me do it.

2051
01:34:56,640 --> 01:34:59,479
Speaker 3: Now. I do have a newdist now though, because some

2052
01:34:59,520 --> 01:35:01,360
Speaker 3: of the things and what needed to be So I'm like,

2053
01:35:01,360 --> 01:35:02,280
Speaker 3: that's probably why he let.

2054
01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:04,559
Speaker 4: Me do it, but that that is the reason why

2055
01:35:04,600 --> 01:35:07,280
Speaker 4: she did the natural birth, because she is so afraid of.

2056
01:35:07,320 --> 01:35:10,200
Speaker 3: Needles that they stick in your back. And then I

2057
01:35:10,200 --> 01:35:11,599
Speaker 3: didn't know you had to have a cat of the two.

2058
01:35:11,640 --> 01:35:14,559
Speaker 1: I said, oh uh and if they and if you

2059
01:35:14,640 --> 01:35:16,440
Speaker 1: move while they're doing it, you can be paralyzed.

2060
01:35:16,520 --> 01:35:17,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

2061
01:35:17,240 --> 01:35:19,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm telling you right now today I said, oh,

2062
01:35:20,040 --> 01:35:20,760
Speaker 3: I'm not doing that.

2063
01:35:21,479 --> 01:35:24,280
Speaker 4: She did a great job and yeah, thirty hours.

2064
01:35:24,320 --> 01:35:26,160
Speaker 3: I didn't do it at the hospital either though, So

2065
01:35:26,520 --> 01:35:27,680
Speaker 3: that was the other because I didn't want to be

2066
01:35:27,680 --> 01:35:29,920
Speaker 3: pressured into getting it. So I went to a birthing

2067
01:35:29,960 --> 01:35:32,160
Speaker 3: center where it wasn't given.

2068
01:35:32,040 --> 01:35:35,439
Speaker 4: An option, tried the pool.

2069
01:35:35,560 --> 01:35:37,439
Speaker 3: She ended up. I ended up on the floor because

2070
01:35:38,240 --> 01:35:39,679
Speaker 3: she wasn't acting right in the pool.

2071
01:35:39,880 --> 01:35:42,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's crazy. She was in the Captain Morgan position

2072
01:35:43,400 --> 01:35:45,160
Speaker 4: for I was the bed.

2073
01:35:45,040 --> 01:35:47,360
Speaker 3: The floor, the toilet, the shower, back to the pool.

2074
01:35:47,800 --> 01:35:49,439
Speaker 3: Leilani did not want to come out. I want her

2075
01:35:49,439 --> 01:35:51,040
Speaker 3: to come out in that pool, and she was acting up.

2076
01:35:52,720 --> 01:35:55,760
Speaker 4: He shout out, shout out a Natural Beginner's birth center though,

2077
01:35:55,800 --> 01:35:56,760
Speaker 4: because they did their thing.

2078
01:35:57,000 --> 01:35:57,400
Speaker 5: Yeah they did.

2079
01:35:59,560 --> 01:36:04,360
Speaker 3: I'm look, she came out on the Florida I was like, look, okay,

2080
01:36:04,640 --> 01:36:06,880
Speaker 3: Natural thirty hours.

2081
01:36:06,920 --> 01:36:10,040
Speaker 2: Women, y'all women, the superhero y'all from Superhero.

2082
01:36:10,320 --> 01:36:13,599
Speaker 3: But I'll say this, I heard a lot of horror

2083
01:36:13,640 --> 01:36:18,280
Speaker 3: stories beforehand, and I don't think it was as bad

2084
01:36:18,439 --> 01:36:21,040
Speaker 3: as I thought it was going to be based on

2085
01:36:21,080 --> 01:36:23,759
Speaker 3: the stories that I was told. But I was praying

2086
01:36:23,800 --> 01:36:25,920
Speaker 3: the whole time. I'm like, I'm in there.

2087
01:36:25,960 --> 01:36:29,880
Speaker 8: You're like, God, I can't do this because I need

2088
01:36:29,920 --> 01:36:32,280
Speaker 8: you to meet me.

2089
01:36:33,160 --> 01:36:35,599
Speaker 3: I thought I was scaring the duel and the midwif

2090
01:36:35,600 --> 01:36:37,280
Speaker 3: because at one point I'm going off in tons. I'm like, God,

2091
01:36:37,320 --> 01:36:39,719
Speaker 3: you're gonna be here with me. Your president is gonna

2092
01:36:39,720 --> 01:36:40,720
Speaker 3: be in this room.

2093
01:36:41,040 --> 01:36:41,200
Speaker 5: This.

2094
01:36:41,320 --> 01:36:42,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gave me.

2095
01:36:42,600 --> 01:36:43,880
Speaker 3: I can't do this if you're not here.

2096
01:36:44,160 --> 01:36:44,400
Speaker 2: Teach.

2097
01:36:44,680 --> 01:36:47,240
Speaker 3: Look, and that's the only way we got through that.

2098
01:36:47,240 --> 01:36:47,920
Speaker 4: That's good.

2099
01:36:48,439 --> 01:36:50,439
Speaker 1: I want to touch on this before we wrap up

2100
01:36:50,439 --> 01:36:54,040
Speaker 1: because we always talk about purpose partners and people see

2101
01:36:54,120 --> 01:37:00,360
Speaker 1: y'all have this phenomenal social media presence. Y'all have eight

2102
01:37:00,439 --> 01:37:03,599
Speaker 1: hundred and how much? Eight hundred and what thousand? On Instagram?

2103
01:37:03,640 --> 01:37:05,439
Speaker 4: Seventy eight eight seventy I think.

2104
01:37:05,479 --> 01:37:07,919
Speaker 2: Eight seventy something. What do y'all have on TikTok?

2105
01:37:08,160 --> 01:37:11,160
Speaker 4: One point seven mil? Just hit one point seven one point.

2106
01:37:10,960 --> 01:37:14,480
Speaker 5: Seven that's dope. Y'all been working exactly.

2107
01:37:14,880 --> 01:37:15,960
Speaker 3: Look, I got a crazy boss.

2108
01:37:16,040 --> 01:37:18,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, this started what two years ago?

2109
01:37:19,120 --> 01:37:21,519
Speaker 4: Uh, basically three, because it would have been twenty twenty

2110
01:37:21,520 --> 01:37:22,280
Speaker 4: three at the end.

2111
01:37:22,200 --> 01:37:24,439
Speaker 3: Like right after we got there December of twenty three.

2112
01:37:24,280 --> 01:37:26,439
Speaker 4: That we were still working our jobs.

2113
01:37:26,800 --> 01:37:32,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then how did this come to Besso?

2114
01:37:32,439 --> 01:37:33,839
Speaker 2: Yes, to start doing content?

2115
01:37:34,280 --> 01:37:39,240
Speaker 4: I encouraged her, Yeah, she well, I saw everybody just

2116
01:37:39,320 --> 01:37:42,040
Speaker 4: making videos like I didn't. We didn't have TikTok at first.

2117
01:37:42,040 --> 01:37:44,639
Speaker 4: So when everybody was getting TikTok in like twenty twenty COVID,

2118
01:37:44,920 --> 01:37:47,000
Speaker 4: we didn't have it, and then we got it like

2119
01:37:47,040 --> 01:37:49,280
Speaker 4: twenty twenty one, and I'm seeing the stuff and I'm like,

2120
01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:52,040
Speaker 4: we can do this, like this is this is not

2121
01:37:52,120 --> 01:37:55,120
Speaker 4: hard stuff, and she's like, no, I don't want to

2122
01:37:55,120 --> 01:37:56,880
Speaker 4: do it. So then I made videos by myself, but

2123
01:37:56,920 --> 01:37:59,800
Speaker 4: it was just like random sounds. That was like no

2124
01:37:59,840 --> 01:38:02,360
Speaker 4: strategy to it at all. I was just doing bs

2125
01:38:02,439 --> 01:38:05,240
Speaker 4: stuff like you're talking about nothing. I literally just did

2126
01:38:05,360 --> 01:38:09,360
Speaker 4: sounds sound like I would do sounds and put words

2127
01:38:09,400 --> 01:38:09,800
Speaker 4: over the.

2128
01:38:09,800 --> 01:38:12,520
Speaker 2: Sounds like sounds.

2129
01:38:12,520 --> 01:38:15,160
Speaker 4: It was nothing, literally, and I don't know how, but

2130
01:38:15,200 --> 01:38:17,320
Speaker 4: I got ten thousand followers off of it in like

2131
01:38:17,360 --> 01:38:19,599
Speaker 4: a year. But then when I encouraged her to do it,

2132
01:38:19,600 --> 01:38:21,800
Speaker 4: after I got ten thousand, within like two or three months,

2133
01:38:21,840 --> 01:38:22,960
Speaker 4: she got one hundred thousand followers.

2134
01:38:23,000 --> 01:38:25,040
Speaker 2: And I'm like, in two or three months, yes, what

2135
01:38:25,160 --> 01:38:25,839
Speaker 2: was your content?

2136
01:38:26,240 --> 01:38:28,439
Speaker 3: My content? I was doing my skincare because I was

2137
01:38:28,520 --> 01:38:31,160
Speaker 3: learning good skincare, but I was also telling stories. I

2138
01:38:31,160 --> 01:38:33,680
Speaker 3: started talking about like I did a series about my

2139
01:38:33,720 --> 01:38:36,080
Speaker 3: mom and the way that she grew up and everybody

2140
01:38:36,080 --> 01:38:37,280
Speaker 3: love a good ghetto series.

2141
01:38:39,200 --> 01:38:41,519
Speaker 4: And then after you grew, after you grew, you did

2142
01:38:41,520 --> 01:38:42,599
Speaker 4: the Biblical baddies.

2143
01:38:42,600 --> 01:38:45,760
Speaker 3: Oh, yes, I did. I did Biblical Baddies. It was

2144
01:38:45,800 --> 01:38:46,559
Speaker 3: coming from me for that.

2145
01:38:46,680 --> 01:38:47,400
Speaker 2: What was that about?

2146
01:38:49,200 --> 01:38:53,880
Speaker 3: Episode? Everybody? I said, Sarah had to be fine because

2147
01:38:53,920 --> 01:38:57,599
Speaker 3: Abraham over here lying not once, but twice about this girl.

2148
01:38:57,640 --> 01:38:59,519
Speaker 3: Because think you won't kill me?

2149
01:38:59,560 --> 01:38:59,800
Speaker 2: Fuck?

2150
01:39:00,160 --> 01:39:02,400
Speaker 3: I said, she was older age. I said, oh, I

2151
01:39:02,439 --> 01:39:04,639
Speaker 3: want to be that fine, that's how bad I want

2152
01:39:04,680 --> 01:39:06,800
Speaker 3: to be. And like I'm telling the story but in

2153
01:39:06,840 --> 01:39:09,240
Speaker 3: a kind of like a funny way. Yes, And if

2154
01:39:09,240 --> 01:39:12,840
Speaker 3: we talked about Leah and Rachel, like imagine being so bad.

2155
01:39:13,320 --> 01:39:17,840
Speaker 3: He worked fourteen years for you, I mean, and you

2156
01:39:17,840 --> 01:39:19,360
Speaker 3: don't get nothing before then.

2157
01:39:20,760 --> 01:39:21,320
Speaker 4: Nothing.

2158
01:39:22,640 --> 01:39:24,479
Speaker 3: Like I said, that's what I need to look like,

2159
01:39:24,479 --> 01:39:25,839
Speaker 3: what I gotta do? What's the workout?

2160
01:39:25,880 --> 01:39:26,200
Speaker 2: Richard?

2161
01:39:27,560 --> 01:39:29,360
Speaker 5: About es I did?

2162
01:39:32,320 --> 01:39:34,200
Speaker 3: I was going in. I talked about Elsa. I talked

2163
01:39:34,200 --> 01:39:38,559
Speaker 3: about Ruth like the Kin's memory, Dame, I said, listen.

2164
01:39:39,280 --> 01:39:41,600
Speaker 4: So that was a method to her. Man there was

2165
01:39:41,680 --> 01:39:43,639
Speaker 4: he was just making sound and I was just making sounds.

2166
01:39:43,680 --> 01:39:46,120
Speaker 4: And then in twenty twenty three, after we got married

2167
01:39:46,160 --> 01:39:49,160
Speaker 4: in November, we did like three actual couple videos. All

2168
01:39:49,200 --> 01:39:50,840
Speaker 4: three of them took off, and I was like, wait

2169
01:39:50,880 --> 01:39:53,240
Speaker 4: a minute, let me change this talk about that. This

2170
01:39:53,280 --> 01:39:56,240
Speaker 4: one was like one of them was like we're married,

2171
01:39:56,600 --> 01:39:59,639
Speaker 4: and it was like the trend where it's like we're married,

2172
01:39:59,760 --> 01:40:02,479
Speaker 4: so of course whatever whatever, And we went back and

2173
01:40:02,479 --> 01:40:04,559
Speaker 4: forth doing that, and then we did when the target

2174
01:40:04,680 --> 01:40:08,360
Speaker 4: videos was like a random woman walking up in Target.

2175
01:40:08,160 --> 01:40:10,640
Speaker 3: Like hitting on you, Howard, You that.

2176
01:40:10,920 --> 01:40:14,320
Speaker 4: Is really what took us off because we did those

2177
01:40:14,400 --> 01:40:17,439
Speaker 4: like every week after that, and we were getting one

2178
01:40:17,520 --> 01:40:21,760
Speaker 4: hundred thousand followers every month, every hundred thousand followers every

2179
01:40:21,760 --> 01:40:24,360
Speaker 4: month for the first eight months. It was eight or

2180
01:40:24,439 --> 01:40:28,720
Speaker 4: nine months from November to December January. It just kept

2181
01:40:28,720 --> 01:40:29,519
Speaker 4: coming hundred thousand.

2182
01:40:29,560 --> 01:40:31,200
Speaker 2: I was like, and what was your frequency, y'all posting

2183
01:40:31,240 --> 01:40:31,719
Speaker 2: every week?

2184
01:40:32,240 --> 01:40:34,200
Speaker 4: I was trying to post like every day. Yeah, two

2185
01:40:34,280 --> 01:40:35,000
Speaker 4: three times a day.

2186
01:40:35,040 --> 01:40:37,479
Speaker 3: It was crazy, really, I mean, and we both working

2187
01:40:37,479 --> 01:40:40,040
Speaker 3: full time. Come he's coming home at eleven o'clock after

2188
01:40:40,120 --> 01:40:42,080
Speaker 3: because he was a coach after a basketball game out

2189
01:40:42,080 --> 01:40:43,960
Speaker 3: of town. Like, okay, let's run these three videos before

2190
01:40:43,960 --> 01:40:46,120
Speaker 3: I take a shower, Like, come on, let's go in the.

2191
01:40:46,080 --> 01:40:47,479
Speaker 4: Next day while I was at work on my lunch,

2192
01:40:47,479 --> 01:40:49,599
Speaker 4: I would post one at twelve, I'll post one after

2193
01:40:49,800 --> 01:40:51,760
Speaker 4: like three, and then I would post one after practice

2194
01:40:52,640 --> 01:40:56,680
Speaker 4: every single day, every single day, Saturday, Sundays and Saturday too,

2195
01:40:56,720 --> 01:40:58,160
Speaker 4: because that would be the days we don't so we

2196
01:40:58,200 --> 01:41:00,160
Speaker 4: did the target videos. We don't have a target in

2197
01:41:00,200 --> 01:41:02,280
Speaker 4: our city, so we would have to drive to Gastonia

2198
01:41:02,479 --> 01:41:04,479
Speaker 4: was like thirty minutes away, and we would do the

2199
01:41:04,560 --> 01:41:05,959
Speaker 4: videos then when we had time.

2200
01:41:06,240 --> 01:41:08,400
Speaker 3: Because I don't know why those type of videos didn't

2201
01:41:08,400 --> 01:41:09,479
Speaker 3: work in any store of Target.

2202
01:41:09,720 --> 01:41:10,599
Speaker 9: It was like.

2203
01:41:10,520 --> 01:41:10,800
Speaker 2: We did.

2204
01:41:14,320 --> 01:41:14,840
Speaker 10: Everywhere.

2205
01:41:14,960 --> 01:41:17,519
Speaker 3: I said, oh but that one Target one went craz

2206
01:41:17,880 --> 01:41:18,280
Speaker 3: keep going on.

2207
01:41:20,640 --> 01:41:22,000
Speaker 2: Video every time.

2208
01:41:23,200 --> 01:41:25,080
Speaker 4: Oh my god. We got at least ten of those

2209
01:41:25,160 --> 01:41:26,200
Speaker 4: videos at least.

2210
01:41:26,920 --> 01:41:28,720
Speaker 3: I didn't like that, and I felt bad because we

2211
01:41:28,720 --> 01:41:29,719
Speaker 3: didn't even shop at Target.

2212
01:41:30,400 --> 01:41:31,240
Speaker 4: We didn't even shop.

2213
01:41:31,439 --> 01:41:33,040
Speaker 3: We were just making videos like it was our studio.

2214
01:41:33,080 --> 01:41:35,240
Speaker 3: We was clocking in at and you got people in

2215
01:41:35,240 --> 01:41:36,719
Speaker 3: the conversation that y'all had Target.

2216
01:41:38,439 --> 01:41:40,599
Speaker 5: Y'all don't feel bad. You promoted them.

2217
01:41:43,800 --> 01:41:47,479
Speaker 1: With y'all no lord, and y'all was getting So a

2218
01:41:47,560 --> 01:41:49,880
Speaker 1: video that y'all have with Target, what do you think

2219
01:41:49,920 --> 01:41:50,880
Speaker 1: has the most views?

2220
01:41:50,920 --> 01:41:54,639
Speaker 4: Like, I mean, one of those videos probably about twelve million.

2221
01:41:55,960 --> 01:41:58,960
Speaker 4: All of them had over a million, like ten digits

2222
01:41:59,600 --> 01:42:02,080
Speaker 4: double d. At least three of them had ten million

2223
01:42:02,080 --> 01:42:05,360
Speaker 4: plus and then some of them have eight million, six million,

2224
01:42:05,880 --> 01:42:08,439
Speaker 4: like the lowest on those were probably like eight hundred thousand.

2225
01:42:09,160 --> 01:42:10,960
Speaker 4: And that was and that's why we kept doing them.

2226
01:42:13,040 --> 01:42:15,680
Speaker 2: Y'all would get one hundred thousand followers a month.

2227
01:42:15,720 --> 01:42:17,720
Speaker 3: It was insane. It was to the point where, like

2228
01:42:18,080 --> 01:42:21,000
Speaker 3: when we started meeting other creators who had been in

2229
01:42:21,040 --> 01:42:23,200
Speaker 3: the game a lot longer than us. They were like,

2230
01:42:23,479 --> 01:42:25,960
Speaker 3: how did y'all do it wrong? I don't know nothing

2231
01:42:25,960 --> 01:42:27,680
Speaker 3: about it. I can't even tell you. I can't even

2232
01:42:27,720 --> 01:42:30,240
Speaker 3: tell you now how to replicate that again, because like

2233
01:42:30,320 --> 01:42:32,040
Speaker 3: after we hit the eight or nine month, it was

2234
01:42:32,080 --> 01:42:34,679
Speaker 3: like eight hundred nine hundred thousand. Once we hit that range,

2235
01:42:34,920 --> 01:42:37,040
Speaker 3: it wasn't like it maybe went down to like fifty

2236
01:42:37,080 --> 01:42:39,000
Speaker 3: thousand in the month and then maybe thirty and then

2237
01:42:39,200 --> 01:42:41,599
Speaker 3: it was real. It got real slow after that.

2238
01:42:41,520 --> 01:42:43,240
Speaker 4: And then we were thinking, like, what are we doing wrong?

2239
01:42:43,400 --> 01:42:47,320
Speaker 1: But it was like, yeah, I bet y'all was I

2240
01:42:47,320 --> 01:42:50,639
Speaker 1: bet y'all was like, please don't close down TikTok. When

2241
01:42:50,680 --> 01:42:53,120
Speaker 1: that whole thing was going, was talking about TikTok you

2242
01:42:53,200 --> 01:42:54,479
Speaker 1: was like, Trump, don't you mess this up.

2243
01:42:55,120 --> 01:42:57,639
Speaker 3: I immediately said, Okay, I need to start posting on Instagram.

2244
01:42:58,120 --> 01:42:59,519
Speaker 3: Let me let me go over there, let me go

2245
01:42:59,720 --> 01:43:01,360
Speaker 3: in the establish an audience over there.

2246
01:43:02,680 --> 01:43:05,080
Speaker 5: But it's I think, like, obviously you guys did a

2247
01:43:05,080 --> 01:43:07,240
Speaker 5: lot right, But it really is like the you guys

2248
01:43:07,320 --> 01:43:11,919
Speaker 5: factor because you're so relatable, you make content that clearly

2249
01:43:12,040 --> 01:43:14,639
Speaker 5: speaks to people, and you guys are just like real

2250
01:43:14,760 --> 01:43:18,439
Speaker 5: and transparent. But like, don't take yourselves too seriously, and

2251
01:43:18,479 --> 01:43:21,360
Speaker 5: so what is there not to love about following you

2252
01:43:21,400 --> 01:43:22,559
Speaker 5: guys and watching your.

2253
01:43:22,439 --> 01:43:25,280
Speaker 1: Content and what do y'all have like and creating content?

2254
01:43:25,320 --> 01:43:27,479
Speaker 1: Do y'all have any boundaries of what y'all won't share

2255
01:43:27,560 --> 01:43:29,719
Speaker 1: publicly Christian?

2256
01:43:30,240 --> 01:43:33,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, my daughter daughter right now? Yeah, well her face,

2257
01:43:33,760 --> 01:43:37,719
Speaker 4: so her face okay, yeah, not like the head. Yeah,

2258
01:43:37,760 --> 01:43:38,080
Speaker 4: but we.

2259
01:43:38,000 --> 01:43:41,920
Speaker 3: Also don't make content really surrounded by her either, like

2260
01:43:42,000 --> 01:43:44,400
Speaker 3: she may be in like a vog or something, or

2261
01:43:44,880 --> 01:43:47,120
Speaker 3: I will be on my page and talk about her

2262
01:43:47,360 --> 01:43:49,960
Speaker 3: or talk about motherhood, but like, she didn't sign up

2263
01:43:50,000 --> 01:43:54,599
Speaker 3: for this, and I have patients, but like, I don't

2264
01:43:54,600 --> 01:43:55,960
Speaker 3: care what you think about what I got going on

2265
01:43:56,000 --> 01:43:57,680
Speaker 3: when it comes to my child, and I don't want

2266
01:43:57,680 --> 01:44:00,160
Speaker 3: her on social media because people are very ruthless when

2267
01:44:00,200 --> 01:44:03,439
Speaker 3: it comes to kids, and I don't just want to

2268
01:44:03,640 --> 01:44:04,160
Speaker 3: that crazy.

2269
01:44:05,040 --> 01:44:07,479
Speaker 2: Well, we have an exclusive picture of their daughter right now.

2270
01:44:11,200 --> 01:44:17,479
Speaker 2: Dropped the picture. This is when she's teething. This look

2271
01:44:17,479 --> 01:44:18,040
Speaker 2: at this picture.

2272
01:44:20,120 --> 01:44:23,240
Speaker 1: But yeah, that is cool that y'all have those boundaries, like, hey, listen,

2273
01:44:23,240 --> 01:44:26,920
Speaker 1: we're gonna we're gonna keep our kid, you know, anonymous.

2274
01:44:27,920 --> 01:44:31,240
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna ask you all this question again, now,

2275
01:44:31,280 --> 01:44:35,320
Speaker 1: since we've come all the way around full circle, why

2276
01:44:35,360 --> 01:44:40,120
Speaker 1: did God allow you to marry her and him?

2277
01:44:40,680 --> 01:44:42,160
Speaker 2: Why did he choose this.

2278
01:44:42,080 --> 01:44:45,960
Speaker 1: Partner for y'all to be married hindsight being twenty twenty

2279
01:44:46,000 --> 01:44:47,360
Speaker 1: as you look across his journey.

2280
01:44:47,800 --> 01:44:50,280
Speaker 4: Why, I'm gonna say, for me, it gave me a

2281
01:44:50,320 --> 01:44:53,120
Speaker 4: different perception of life, because I will say we have

2282
01:44:53,240 --> 01:44:58,000
Speaker 4: similar backgrounds, but we perceived life a different way because

2283
01:44:58,000 --> 01:45:00,360
Speaker 4: Haley was a person where she had not seen a

2284
01:45:00,400 --> 01:45:02,200
Speaker 4: lot of things. I hadn't seen the people traveling, I

2285
01:45:02,200 --> 01:45:03,759
Speaker 4: hadn't seen the marriage. I hadn't seen all this stuff.

2286
01:45:03,760 --> 01:45:05,680
Speaker 4: So I wanted I was a person who was I

2287
01:45:05,720 --> 01:45:07,360
Speaker 4: have not seen these things. So I'm okay with not

2288
01:45:07,439 --> 01:45:10,120
Speaker 4: having it. So even in taking our first trip, which

2289
01:45:10,200 --> 01:45:12,080
Speaker 4: was to the dr but it was a group trip,

2290
01:45:12,360 --> 01:45:14,519
Speaker 4: and I'm telling her, like, we don't do that, like

2291
01:45:14,600 --> 01:45:18,000
Speaker 4: that's not that's not what we do, and everybody know

2292
01:45:18,040 --> 01:45:22,120
Speaker 4: who he is. But I was but like, like I said,

2293
01:45:22,120 --> 01:45:25,800
Speaker 4: I just felt like, and now I'm trying to go

2294
01:45:25,800 --> 01:45:28,720
Speaker 4: out to the country once a year. But she just

2295
01:45:28,760 --> 01:45:33,280
Speaker 4: opened my eyes up to just to life in general.

2296
01:45:33,360 --> 01:45:36,840
Speaker 4: Like she has brought a whole different perception of life

2297
01:45:36,880 --> 01:45:39,040
Speaker 4: for me in the way I view people, the way

2298
01:45:39,080 --> 01:45:41,240
Speaker 4: that I view myself, the way that I view her

2299
01:45:41,320 --> 01:45:43,760
Speaker 4: in just different situations. And I feel like she was

2300
01:45:43,760 --> 01:45:45,919
Speaker 4: putting my life to just change my sense of reality

2301
01:45:46,320 --> 01:45:48,880
Speaker 4: that Hayley, Oh that's.

2302
01:45:48,800 --> 01:45:54,240
Speaker 1: Not I don't Why did y'all choose money to be

2303
01:45:54,320 --> 01:45:54,920
Speaker 1: your husband?

2304
01:45:55,680 --> 01:45:56,880
Speaker 2: Could have been anybody else?

2305
01:45:57,080 --> 01:45:59,719
Speaker 1: Why any of them dates?

2306
01:46:01,560 --> 01:46:09,720
Speaker 3: There was never I think God knew I needed somebody

2307
01:46:10,360 --> 01:46:15,160
Speaker 3: that could help me heal certain parts of things when

2308
01:46:15,240 --> 01:46:18,360
Speaker 3: it came to how I viewed men, how I viewed

2309
01:46:18,360 --> 01:46:22,400
Speaker 3: a husband, how I viewed a father, and when it

2310
01:46:22,439 --> 01:46:23,439
Speaker 3: comes to being with money.

2311
01:46:23,479 --> 01:46:24,040
Speaker 4: There's so.

2312
01:46:25,520 --> 01:46:33,760
Speaker 3: Many things that I realized I've healed through in being

2313
01:46:33,800 --> 01:46:37,880
Speaker 3: married to him, being able at I just tell him

2314
01:46:38,240 --> 01:46:42,240
Speaker 3: not a long story, but we had my niece for

2315
01:46:42,320 --> 01:46:44,320
Speaker 3: like two weeks. We got her to like two weeks

2316
01:46:44,360 --> 01:46:47,000
Speaker 3: at the time. She's in Georgia, right, and I was

2317
01:46:47,000 --> 01:46:48,800
Speaker 3: spelling some time with a whole time that we had her.

2318
01:46:49,720 --> 01:46:52,880
Speaker 3: And she leaves second home and I'm washing dishes, money

2319
01:46:52,880 --> 01:46:54,280
Speaker 3: comes out the room and I was like, I just

2320
01:46:54,320 --> 01:46:56,599
Speaker 3: need you to know. I need to talk to you,

2321
01:46:57,400 --> 01:47:02,000
Speaker 3: and I don't want you to be upset, but I

2322
01:47:02,080 --> 01:47:06,120
Speaker 3: need to say this. The entire time that my niece

2323
01:47:06,200 --> 01:47:10,280
Speaker 3: was here, I felt like I was on edge and

2324
01:47:10,320 --> 01:47:13,880
Speaker 3: I felt like, there is no way somebody can be

2325
01:47:14,680 --> 01:47:20,200
Speaker 3: this caring, this supportive, this loving, and this attentive without

2326
01:47:20,280 --> 01:47:25,080
Speaker 3: some twisted ulterior motive. And I'm not talking about it

2327
01:47:25,120 --> 01:47:29,400
Speaker 3: from a standpoint of you have a questionable character. I'm

2328
01:47:29,479 --> 01:47:33,360
Speaker 3: realizing that in you, God is healing what I didn't

2329
01:47:33,400 --> 01:47:37,200
Speaker 3: think could be possible. And he walks over to He

2330
01:47:37,240 --> 01:47:39,360
Speaker 3: didn't say anything, he like, he just walks over to

2331
01:47:39,439 --> 01:47:41,320
Speaker 3: me and he hugs me, and he says, I'm so

2332
01:47:41,439 --> 01:47:44,519
Speaker 3: sorry that you had to experience that, but you don't

2333
01:47:44,520 --> 01:47:50,760
Speaker 3: have to worry. And it's like that, I'm seeing with

2334
01:47:51,240 --> 01:47:54,640
Speaker 3: like him becoming a father, and I'm seeing what it

2335
01:47:54,680 --> 01:47:57,320
Speaker 3: means for somebody to really like I want to be

2336
01:47:57,360 --> 01:48:00,360
Speaker 3: a dad and I love being a dad. I want

2337
01:48:00,360 --> 01:48:02,759
Speaker 3: to be a husband and I love being a husband.

2338
01:48:02,800 --> 01:48:05,880
Speaker 3: I want to love you, even when you're not the

2339
01:48:05,920 --> 01:48:10,080
Speaker 3: easiest to love. That is he goes so much when

2340
01:48:10,120 --> 01:48:13,679
Speaker 3: you see people so quickly ready to leave, so quickly,

2341
01:48:13,720 --> 01:48:15,559
Speaker 3: ready to throw on a towel that you're not worth it,

2342
01:48:15,600 --> 01:48:18,160
Speaker 3: And have somebody sit here and be like, yo, this

2343
01:48:18,320 --> 01:48:22,680
Speaker 3: is what I signed up for. And like truly be

2344
01:48:22,880 --> 01:48:26,960
Speaker 3: patient and love you through it like that, Oh my

2345
01:48:27,040 --> 01:48:29,960
Speaker 3: gosh that and it just kind of dawned on me.

2346
01:48:30,479 --> 01:48:30,920
Speaker 4: In May.

2347
01:48:31,840 --> 01:48:35,400
Speaker 3: We were sitting in church and I'm holding Leilani and

2348
01:48:35,520 --> 01:48:38,920
Speaker 3: I'm looking down at her, and it was like, I see,

2349
01:48:39,120 --> 01:48:40,200
Speaker 3: like and that was this year.

2350
01:48:40,240 --> 01:48:40,720
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, I.

2351
01:48:40,760 --> 01:48:42,600
Speaker 3: See why you gave me this man.

2352
01:48:42,720 --> 01:48:46,360
Speaker 11: I see why you put me with him, specifically, the

2353
01:48:46,400 --> 01:48:48,600
Speaker 11: way that he talks to me, the way that he

2354
01:48:48,680 --> 01:48:50,880
Speaker 11: has patience even when I have an attitude, the way

2355
01:48:50,880 --> 01:48:54,400
Speaker 11: that he will not He's never ever raised his voice.

2356
01:48:54,080 --> 01:48:57,400
Speaker 3: At me being angry. There's never been like a knockout,

2357
01:48:57,479 --> 01:49:00,200
Speaker 3: drag out type of thing. You gave me somebody who

2358
01:49:00,200 --> 01:49:03,400
Speaker 3: could show me the exact opposite of what I expected

2359
01:49:03,400 --> 01:49:05,839
Speaker 3: to get when it came to a relationship, a husband

2360
01:49:06,000 --> 01:49:08,040
Speaker 3: and a father, what I expected to get in a

2361
01:49:08,080 --> 01:49:11,519
Speaker 3: man that has healed me on so many levels. I

2362
01:49:12,240 --> 01:49:17,559
Speaker 3: know I needed that, and like, I love you, I

2363
01:49:17,680 --> 01:49:19,639
Speaker 3: love you. I'm trying not to let no tears drop

2364
01:49:19,680 --> 01:49:20,559
Speaker 3: because I did my makeup.

2365
01:49:23,360 --> 01:49:27,960
Speaker 4: You won't cry for me, he.

2366
01:49:27,880 --> 01:49:29,639
Speaker 2: Said, you won't. You want to mess up your bakeup

2367
01:49:29,640 --> 01:49:30,120
Speaker 2: for him, right?

2368
01:49:32,280 --> 01:49:37,599
Speaker 3: But no, I was like I needed that. I genuinely. Yeah,

2369
01:49:38,080 --> 01:49:40,000
Speaker 3: you're a great man, you're a great woman.

2370
01:49:40,920 --> 01:49:43,160
Speaker 1: But it's a great opportunity for y'all to grab that box.

2371
01:49:43,479 --> 01:49:45,800
Speaker 1: Do you have any other questions asked before we write?

2372
01:49:45,800 --> 01:49:48,000
Speaker 2: To keep the love that was?

2373
01:49:48,760 --> 01:49:50,519
Speaker 5: That was very beautiful, beautiful, and.

2374
01:49:52,200 --> 01:49:56,599
Speaker 1: Yeah what I love about. Y'all can grab the box

2375
01:49:56,640 --> 01:49:58,440
Speaker 1: and I'll talk while y'all grabbed the box.

2376
01:49:58,800 --> 01:49:59,320
Speaker 4: There to start.

2377
01:50:00,040 --> 01:50:02,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you go get the pin out.

2378
01:50:02,080 --> 01:50:06,000
Speaker 1: Each one of y'all get your own yeah key and

2379
01:50:06,000 --> 01:50:10,040
Speaker 1: then you write a sentence phrase, word whatever you want

2380
01:50:10,080 --> 01:50:13,200
Speaker 1: to write your key to love, and sign your name

2381
01:50:14,560 --> 01:50:15,120
Speaker 1: no cheating.

2382
01:50:18,520 --> 01:50:21,160
Speaker 5: So what did you think about this episode?

2383
01:50:21,680 --> 01:50:29,960
Speaker 1: I thought this episode was absolutely beautiful. I talk about

2384
01:50:30,160 --> 01:50:35,040
Speaker 1: marrying young in chapter see the eleven or thirty eleven

2385
01:50:35,120 --> 01:50:37,840
Speaker 1: or something in Student of Love, and I love when

2386
01:50:37,840 --> 01:50:38,360
Speaker 1: I see.

2387
01:50:38,160 --> 01:50:40,200
Speaker 2: The fruit of that, when I see.

2388
01:50:40,320 --> 01:50:43,879
Speaker 1: When you marry young, it's not going to be easy

2389
01:50:44,320 --> 01:50:46,360
Speaker 1: no matter what age you get married, because we can

2390
01:50:46,479 --> 01:50:49,880
Speaker 1: argue getting married in your thirties or forties or fifties.

2391
01:50:50,560 --> 01:50:53,360
Speaker 2: Those couples are said in their ways.

2392
01:50:53,800 --> 01:50:57,320
Speaker 1: They may come together with different assets, They may have

2393
01:50:57,360 --> 01:51:00,559
Speaker 1: gone through divorce, they may have gone through having kids

2394
01:51:00,760 --> 01:51:02,840
Speaker 1: prior to meeting each other. They may have all these

2395
01:51:02,880 --> 01:51:08,479
Speaker 1: things that they bring into the marriage prior to they

2396
01:51:08,520 --> 01:51:12,719
Speaker 1: have those obstacles to go and you know, journey through.

2397
01:51:14,000 --> 01:51:16,240
Speaker 1: And then you get these other people that get married

2398
01:51:16,280 --> 01:51:19,479
Speaker 1: young and then they have the maturation phase and mature through.

2399
01:51:19,800 --> 01:51:22,640
Speaker 1: But that's the beauty of marriage. And so I just

2400
01:51:22,880 --> 01:51:28,080
Speaker 1: loved hearing their story, hearing their journey, hearing their you know,

2401
01:51:28,240 --> 01:51:31,439
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a fan of going from friend of fiance.

2402
01:51:31,680 --> 01:51:35,599
Speaker 1: I love the fact that Gods did an okie dokee

2403
01:51:36,479 --> 01:51:38,360
Speaker 1: on money because he was like, I ain't even think

2404
01:51:38,400 --> 01:51:41,320
Speaker 1: about marriage, and here he is talking about when you

2405
01:51:41,360 --> 01:51:44,000
Speaker 1: beat my girlfriend. So for yes or no, you go

2406
01:51:44,040 --> 01:51:47,240
Speaker 1: from that moment to hey, I'm gonna propose to you

2407
01:51:47,360 --> 01:51:48,840
Speaker 1: right here in this apartment, Like what's up?

2408
01:51:48,880 --> 01:51:51,080
Speaker 2: Will you be my wife? You know to know that,

2409
01:51:51,760 --> 01:51:52,680
Speaker 2: And a lot of.

2410
01:51:52,680 --> 01:51:56,839
Speaker 1: Guys use and it's a real it's a real excuse

2411
01:51:56,920 --> 01:51:58,680
Speaker 1: when they say, I've never seen it, so how do

2412
01:51:58,720 --> 01:52:01,080
Speaker 1: you expect me to ever have it as real?

2413
01:52:01,320 --> 01:52:04,599
Speaker 2: But you can also be what was never shown to you, yep.

2414
01:52:04,680 --> 01:52:07,800
Speaker 1: And I love that he was mad enough that he

2415
01:52:08,240 --> 01:52:10,719
Speaker 1: knew God enough to say I don't have to see

2416
01:52:10,720 --> 01:52:13,120
Speaker 1: it to be it. And as young kids, we were

2417
01:52:13,120 --> 01:52:15,320
Speaker 1: always taught. If you can see it, you can achieve it.

2418
01:52:15,360 --> 01:52:17,800
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, which is true, But also

2419
01:52:17,880 --> 01:52:19,880
Speaker 1: what happens if you don't have it. Then you can

2420
01:52:19,880 --> 01:52:21,840
Speaker 1: look to the heels with for what's coming, Your help,

2421
01:52:21,880 --> 01:52:23,559
Speaker 1: your health coming from the Lord. So you can look

2422
01:52:23,600 --> 01:52:25,400
Speaker 1: at God and say, God, teach me how to be

2423
01:52:25,439 --> 01:52:28,000
Speaker 1: a husband, teach me how to be a man, and

2424
01:52:28,040 --> 01:52:31,000
Speaker 1: teach me how to be a father. And I bet

2425
01:52:31,040 --> 01:52:34,040
Speaker 1: your money had no idea that the way he was

2426
01:52:34,160 --> 01:52:38,519
Speaker 1: fashioned would be healing. Haley in the in the in

2427
01:52:38,560 --> 01:52:40,920
Speaker 1: the Bible says, and as they went, they were healed.

2428
01:52:41,240 --> 01:52:43,800
Speaker 1: And so as y'all were going thro y'all's journey of love,

2429
01:52:44,280 --> 01:52:46,160
Speaker 1: y'all were finding healing for both y'all.

2430
01:52:46,479 --> 01:52:47,320
Speaker 2: It's reciprocal.

2431
01:52:47,400 --> 01:52:50,879
Speaker 1: He was finding healing in his mindset of not believing

2432
01:52:50,880 --> 01:52:52,040
Speaker 1: that it was attainable.

2433
01:52:53,040 --> 01:52:54,960
Speaker 2: So what was your takeaway? What do you like about

2434
01:52:55,000 --> 01:52:55,800
Speaker 2: this episode?

2435
01:52:56,000 --> 01:52:56,160
Speaker 7: Well?

2436
01:52:56,400 --> 01:52:59,080
Speaker 5: I loved what you said, and then I think one

2437
01:52:59,080 --> 01:53:01,240
Speaker 5: of the parts that I love the most was how

2438
01:53:01,520 --> 01:53:06,479
Speaker 5: Haley was talking about communication and just how intentional they

2439
01:53:06,560 --> 01:53:10,639
Speaker 5: have been in terms of learning what the other person

2440
01:53:10,800 --> 01:53:15,559
Speaker 5: needs when communicating, because they saw that as a challenge.

2441
01:53:15,640 --> 01:53:18,559
Speaker 5: And I love that they met that challenge head on

2442
01:53:18,680 --> 01:53:21,320
Speaker 5: and just said, we're not gonna let the things that

2443
01:53:21,560 --> 01:53:25,080
Speaker 5: cause other people to stumble affect us. And so I

2444
01:53:25,120 --> 01:53:27,839
Speaker 5: think that takes like both people to do that work.

2445
01:53:28,200 --> 01:53:30,519
Speaker 5: And I just thought the way that she described it

2446
01:53:30,640 --> 01:53:35,000
Speaker 5: was so beautiful and her temperament matching. I mean, I

2447
01:53:35,000 --> 01:53:38,040
Speaker 5: could just keep going on, but her being like I

2448
01:53:38,120 --> 01:53:40,519
Speaker 5: was a little bit difficult in him being like, I'm

2449
01:53:40,520 --> 01:53:43,080
Speaker 5: not gonna argue, and then I'm gonna have to come,

2450
01:53:43,400 --> 01:53:45,640
Speaker 5: you know, and meet you and have these conversations. Like

2451
01:53:45,720 --> 01:53:49,519
Speaker 5: the whole just the whole transparency of it all. I

2452
01:53:49,560 --> 01:53:51,240
Speaker 5: think it is really healing.

2453
01:53:51,479 --> 01:53:54,400
Speaker 1: So and I love that. I love that about y'all

2454
01:53:54,520 --> 01:53:57,519
Speaker 1: is that a lot of men are very they'll just

2455
01:53:57,560 --> 01:53:59,559
Speaker 1: walk away, you know what I'm saying. It's like we're

2456
01:53:59,680 --> 01:54:03,479
Speaker 1: trained that if a woman has been difficult, challenging, argumentative, whatever,

2457
01:54:03,479 --> 01:54:04,280
Speaker 1: we just walk away.

2458
01:54:04,680 --> 01:54:06,200
Speaker 2: And then men just keep doing that.

2459
01:54:06,400 --> 01:54:09,360
Speaker 1: And I would watch that on TV shows where they'll

2460
01:54:09,400 --> 01:54:11,120
Speaker 1: have an argument and what the dude do getting the

2461
01:54:11,120 --> 01:54:13,720
Speaker 1: car and drive off, take a long drive down the.

2462
01:54:13,640 --> 01:54:14,479
Speaker 2: Street, you know what I'm saying.

2463
01:54:14,520 --> 01:54:16,559
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what happens if you get in a

2464
01:54:16,600 --> 01:54:17,280
Speaker 1: car accident?

2465
01:54:17,360 --> 01:54:18,920
Speaker 2: And die, you know what I'm saying.

2466
01:54:19,280 --> 01:54:22,240
Speaker 1: And it's good that you remove yourself out of that situation,

2467
01:54:22,400 --> 01:54:25,160
Speaker 1: but that can't be a coping mechanism that anytime there's

2468
01:54:25,640 --> 01:54:27,800
Speaker 1: a conflict you get in a car and drive off,

2469
01:54:28,040 --> 01:54:30,400
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, because that can lead to

2470
01:54:30,479 --> 01:54:32,880
Speaker 1: a different level of insecurity with that woman to be like, well,

2471
01:54:32,880 --> 01:54:34,760
Speaker 1: where he goes he about to go be with another woman?

2472
01:54:34,760 --> 01:54:36,280
Speaker 1: What was he doing is he's on the phone talking

2473
01:54:36,520 --> 01:54:39,960
Speaker 1: because you're avoiding the situation. And so I love the

2474
01:54:40,000 --> 01:54:43,800
Speaker 1: fact that you were fearful because that was motivated by

2475
01:54:43,920 --> 01:54:45,640
Speaker 1: fear when you were like, I'm gonna go read to

2476
01:54:45,680 --> 01:54:47,560
Speaker 1: make sure it don't work out. But it was also

2477
01:54:47,640 --> 01:54:50,160
Speaker 1: wisdom because you said, I'm gonna read these books to

2478
01:54:50,280 --> 01:54:54,520
Speaker 1: figure out what causes marriage is to break down. Because

2479
01:54:55,040 --> 01:54:57,640
Speaker 1: your mindset was always like I'm waiting for the shooter drop.

2480
01:54:57,680 --> 01:54:59,040
Speaker 2: I'm waiting this it's too good to be true. It's

2481
01:54:59,040 --> 01:55:00,320
Speaker 2: it's too good to be true, is too good to

2482
01:55:00,360 --> 01:55:00,720
Speaker 2: be true?

2483
01:55:01,160 --> 01:55:05,040
Speaker 1: But it caused you to start being proactive and start saying, well,

2484
01:55:05,080 --> 01:55:07,640
Speaker 1: let me make sure that it doesn't you know, So

2485
01:55:08,400 --> 01:55:09,280
Speaker 1: that's great when.

2486
01:55:09,240 --> 01:55:12,080
Speaker 4: You write for your Key to Love, I said, be

2487
01:55:12,120 --> 01:55:14,080
Speaker 4: willing to grow and change. If you always do what

2488
01:55:14,120 --> 01:55:16,920
Speaker 4: you always did, you'll always be what you've always been.

2489
01:55:17,920 --> 01:55:20,080
Speaker 1: That's good, that's good. Look at her now, she's like,

2490
01:55:20,080 --> 01:55:20,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to remind.

2491
01:55:20,840 --> 01:55:24,400
Speaker 3: I want to say I wrote mine first. I need

2492
01:55:24,480 --> 01:55:29,840
Speaker 3: y'all to know I wrote I put willingness to grow,

2493
01:55:30,080 --> 01:55:32,240
Speaker 3: improve and love through the ups and downs.

2494
01:55:32,360 --> 01:55:32,800
Speaker 2: That's good.

2495
01:55:33,200 --> 01:55:35,160
Speaker 4: Trying to be like me so bad that you change

2496
01:55:35,160 --> 01:55:39,320
Speaker 4: the last name. First, first she moved to my state,

2497
01:55:39,400 --> 01:55:42,160
Speaker 4: then my city, changed the last name, and now she's

2498
01:55:42,240 --> 01:55:43,600
Speaker 4: right now in the same things as me.

2499
01:55:43,760 --> 01:55:46,280
Speaker 2: You know, you gotta looking.

2500
01:55:46,320 --> 01:55:46,480
Speaker 6: Look.

2501
01:55:46,640 --> 01:55:53,040
Speaker 3: Look, I can't say I put it if it is

2502
01:55:53,080 --> 01:55:55,040
Speaker 3: on willingness, because something.

2503
01:55:55,160 --> 01:55:59,360
Speaker 5: If you're willing get work, you're willing willing heart.

2504
01:55:59,400 --> 01:56:00,680
Speaker 2: That's what the bouble talks about.

2505
01:56:01,080 --> 01:56:05,400
Speaker 1: Listen, take a stand, go hang those both on the

2506
01:56:05,440 --> 01:56:06,040
Speaker 1: same hook.

2507
01:56:06,320 --> 01:56:10,560
Speaker 2: Find a hook up there, and you gotta go herself.

2508
01:56:10,640 --> 01:56:11,600
Speaker 2: Y'all both gotta go do the way.

2509
01:56:12,200 --> 01:56:14,920
Speaker 5: And while they're doing that, ask me the question again

2510
01:56:14,960 --> 01:56:18,040
Speaker 5: so I can redeem myself. No question was great, No, no, no,

2511
01:56:18,080 --> 01:56:19,520
Speaker 5: the question what did.

2512
01:56:19,480 --> 01:56:22,600
Speaker 3: You say about the phases?

2513
01:56:21,080 --> 01:56:23,240
Speaker 4: I order?

2514
01:56:23,320 --> 01:56:25,760
Speaker 2: All right, so we're going to ask this question again. Okay,

2515
01:56:25,880 --> 01:56:26,680
Speaker 2: So what.

2516
01:56:26,760 --> 01:56:31,840
Speaker 1: Are the phases of a relationship romantic relationship.

2517
01:56:31,960 --> 01:56:37,120
Speaker 5: Okay, there's the friendship first. Then there's a defining moment,

2518
01:56:37,320 --> 01:56:41,400
Speaker 5: which is a conversation, it's the aha moment. But I thought,

2519
01:56:41,400 --> 01:56:43,480
Speaker 5: I think defining is like a better way to describe it.

2520
01:56:43,480 --> 01:56:46,600
Speaker 5: So it's something defining, and then you can decide how

2521
01:56:46,640 --> 01:56:49,800
Speaker 5: you want to date, if you want to just you know,

2522
01:56:50,240 --> 01:56:53,200
Speaker 5: not be exclusive, or if you want to say, let's

2523
01:56:53,240 --> 01:56:55,600
Speaker 5: just lock in with each other because I really want

2524
01:56:55,640 --> 01:56:58,320
Speaker 5: to prioritize this. So then that would be like the

2525
01:56:58,360 --> 01:57:02,920
Speaker 5: third and fourth phase. And then but but again, I

2526
01:57:02,920 --> 01:57:05,440
Speaker 5: don't think you should get committed unless you're like very

2527
01:57:05,440 --> 01:57:07,600
Speaker 5: intentional and you think that this could be or forever,

2528
01:57:08,080 --> 01:57:12,360
Speaker 5: and then then you get engaged and then uh, and

2529
01:57:12,360 --> 01:57:14,680
Speaker 5: then you get married. Bam.

2530
01:57:15,040 --> 01:57:16,400
Speaker 2: Did we go through those phases?

2531
01:57:16,720 --> 01:57:17,080
Speaker 3: We did?

2532
01:57:18,080 --> 01:57:20,920
Speaker 2: Okay, So how how was our phase?

2533
01:57:22,800 --> 01:57:23,200
Speaker 3: It was?

2534
01:57:23,280 --> 01:57:25,720
Speaker 5: It was friendship defining moment?

2535
01:57:26,080 --> 01:57:27,160
Speaker 2: What was the defining moment?

2536
01:57:27,640 --> 01:57:29,160
Speaker 5: Well, you called me and you were like.

2537
01:57:29,560 --> 01:57:31,960
Speaker 2: Hey, what I say?

2538
01:57:33,080 --> 01:57:36,000
Speaker 5: I could cover you better than all them other in

2539
01:57:36,080 --> 01:57:43,520
Speaker 5: words defining and he meant it, this was my friend

2540
01:57:43,520 --> 01:57:46,400
Speaker 5: and he was like, I gotta tell you something, I

2541
01:57:46,400 --> 01:57:49,720
Speaker 5: could cover you better than all them others. I said, oh, okay,

2542
01:57:49,720 --> 01:57:56,200
Speaker 5: I'm listening, so defining right, yeah, and then and then dating, yeah,

2543
01:57:56,360 --> 01:58:00,400
Speaker 5: March eighteenth, or courting is better. It's courting better where

2544
01:58:00,400 --> 01:58:02,120
Speaker 5: if you want to go all biblical and all saved

2545
01:58:02,160 --> 01:58:07,320
Speaker 5: and sanctified according engagement marriage, that's my order and I'm

2546
01:58:07,320 --> 01:58:07,880
Speaker 5: sticking to it.

2547
01:58:08,200 --> 01:58:08,360
Speaker 3: Now.

2548
01:58:08,400 --> 01:58:09,080
Speaker 5: Back to Yeah, I.

2549
01:58:10,920 --> 01:58:15,240
Speaker 1: Like it, but it's the same thing as friends watching

2550
01:58:15,280 --> 01:58:18,480
Speaker 1: each other date other people. And it was like, and

2551
01:58:18,560 --> 01:58:21,600
Speaker 1: like you said, I'm seeing what these other people keep

2552
01:58:21,600 --> 01:58:24,120
Speaker 1: feeling at I hear what your needs are because I

2553
01:58:24,120 --> 01:58:25,840
Speaker 1: remember one time I just got frustrated when she talking me.

2554
01:58:25,960 --> 01:58:26,560
Speaker 2: I got frustrated.

2555
01:58:26,560 --> 01:58:30,840
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm hearing what you desire. I see

2556
01:58:30,840 --> 01:58:33,840
Speaker 1: the type of woman that you are. How are these

2557
01:58:33,880 --> 01:58:35,160
Speaker 1: guys mishandling you?

2558
01:58:35,360 --> 01:58:38,360
Speaker 2: Like? I know how I know how to serve you.

2559
01:58:38,640 --> 01:58:40,040
Speaker 4: And it's not hard things.

2560
01:58:43,440 --> 01:58:44,080
Speaker 3: I can do that.

2561
01:58:46,920 --> 01:58:48,720
Speaker 2: Do that.

2562
01:58:49,240 --> 01:58:50,120
Speaker 4: That's a challenge to.

2563
01:58:51,800 --> 01:58:54,080
Speaker 5: What he's like, I'm excel in that.

2564
01:58:55,720 --> 01:58:56,640
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact.

2565
01:58:56,720 --> 01:59:02,040
Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, here's my resume. I can

2566
01:59:02,160 --> 01:59:03,160
Speaker 2: do that. Well.

2567
01:59:03,200 --> 01:59:05,920
Speaker 1: Listen, it was a pleasure talking to y'all. Y'all were

2568
01:59:06,000 --> 01:59:12,040
Speaker 1: so vulnerable. That's gonna be the word of I made call.

2569
01:59:12,400 --> 01:59:13,960
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this. I used to say this

2570
01:59:14,040 --> 01:59:17,040
Speaker 1: in the earlier season of Dear Future Wife. If y'all

2571
01:59:17,120 --> 01:59:20,960
Speaker 1: were to name this episode based on what y'all shared today,

2572
01:59:21,360 --> 01:59:23,840
Speaker 1: what would be the name of this episode? You can

2573
01:59:23,880 --> 01:59:27,280
Speaker 1: put your microphone close to your money. Both y'all can talk.

2574
01:59:27,320 --> 01:59:29,680
Speaker 1: Y'all can have two different titles you want to. I

2575
01:59:29,720 --> 01:59:31,640
Speaker 1: just want to hear what y'all think about this story,

2576
01:59:31,720 --> 01:59:34,680
Speaker 1: y'all journey, y'all love journey. If it was a lifetime movie,

2577
01:59:34,680 --> 01:59:35,480
Speaker 1: what would it be called?

2578
01:59:35,760 --> 01:59:38,640
Speaker 2: Love after loss? Love after loss? What would you call it?

2579
01:59:40,920 --> 01:59:45,200
Speaker 3: I'll probably stick with the vulnerability topic and say you'll

2580
01:59:45,240 --> 01:59:47,400
Speaker 3: find vulnerable, You'll find strength in your vulnerability.

2581
01:59:47,640 --> 01:59:51,000
Speaker 2: You'll find strength in your vulnerability. That's good. Listen, may

2582
01:59:51,080 --> 01:59:52,360
Speaker 2: the love you shared today?

2583
01:59:52,920 --> 01:59:54,800
Speaker 1: No, let me ask you this for our close anything

2584
01:59:54,840 --> 01:59:59,000
Speaker 1: that we can support, y'all got anything coming up? What

2585
01:59:59,040 --> 02:00:02,280
Speaker 1: should we tell our listeners a lookout for?

2586
02:00:02,800 --> 02:00:07,160
Speaker 3: Come on, you guys are looking at the founders of

2587
02:00:07,240 --> 02:00:10,440
Speaker 3: Black Collective, so be on the lookout this year. There

2588
02:00:10,440 --> 02:00:13,400
Speaker 3: will be an update this fall of what you can expect.

2589
02:00:13,520 --> 02:00:16,840
Speaker 3: You'll already know a couple of conversations about journals and

2590
02:00:16,920 --> 02:00:18,880
Speaker 3: merch and things that we've been working on as a

2591
02:00:18,880 --> 02:00:21,920
Speaker 3: young married couple, because marriage is not just for people

2592
02:00:21,960 --> 02:00:24,600
Speaker 3: who are older. You can have a happy, healthy marriage,

2593
02:00:24,640 --> 02:00:27,160
Speaker 3: and you can be proactive. You don't have to be

2594
02:00:27,200 --> 02:00:29,360
Speaker 3: erotic dot and go through the streets and struggle first.

2595
02:00:29,440 --> 02:00:33,360
Speaker 3: I promise you, yes, but be on the lookout for

2596
02:00:33,360 --> 02:00:33,800
Speaker 3: that this fall.

2597
02:00:33,920 --> 02:00:36,360
Speaker 2: The Black collective, the Black Collective. I love it. I

2598
02:00:36,400 --> 02:00:39,160
Speaker 2: love it. May the love you share today outlive the

2599
02:00:39,200 --> 02:00:39,800
Speaker 2: season you're.

2600
02:00:39,720 --> 02:00:42,800
Speaker 5: In, may carry you through the days when words are

2601
02:00:42,920 --> 02:00:45,240
Speaker 5: few and faith has to do the talking.

2602
02:00:45,360 --> 02:00:49,040
Speaker 2: Y'all give it up for the black y'all. I'm glad

2603
02:01:00,800 --> 02:01:06,880
Speaker 2: because I know I'll do it. What they said, what

2604
02:01:06,880 --> 02:01:07,280
Speaker 2: they said.

2605
02:01:07,480 --> 02:01:11,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the love you share today, outlive the season

2606
02:01:11,200 --> 02:01:11,800
Speaker 1: you're in.

2607
02:01:11,880 --> 02:01:14,400
Speaker 5: May carry you through the days when words are few

2608
02:01:14,640 --> 02:01:16,240
Speaker 5: and it has to do the talking.

2609
02:01:21,280 --> 02:01:22,000
Speaker 3: And you know it.

2610
02:01:24,520 --> 02:01:30,280
Speaker 4: We go, okay, let's do it, amen.

2611
02:01:34,160 --> 02:01:39,240
Speaker 1: Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective Services. In twenty fifteen,

2612
02:01:39,880 --> 02:01:44,520
Speaker 1: my nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

2613
02:01:44,560 --> 02:01:49,880
Speaker 1: outside of kinship slim to none Rmione, sixteen years old,

2614
02:01:50,120 --> 02:01:53,720
Speaker 1: black a boy with five years in the foster care

2615
02:01:53,760 --> 02:01:57,200
Speaker 1: system before I even knew his name. The likelihood have

2616
02:01:57,280 --> 02:02:01,560
Speaker 1: ever been adopted Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

2617
02:02:03,080 --> 02:02:05,720
Speaker 1: While Ladarian and our MONI were trying to survive and

2618
02:02:05,760 --> 02:02:09,440
Speaker 1: barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system,

2619
02:02:09,480 --> 02:02:12,800
Speaker 1: I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having

2620
02:02:12,840 --> 02:02:14,880
Speaker 1: been a single father with a daughter who at that

2621
02:02:14,960 --> 02:02:17,560
Speaker 1: point was doing well in college. It was my time

2622
02:02:17,600 --> 02:02:18,600
Speaker 1: to live my life right.

2623
02:02:19,600 --> 02:02:19,960
Speaker 10: Wrong.

2624
02:02:21,000 --> 02:02:26,840
Speaker 1: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just too many

2625
02:02:27,000 --> 02:02:30,440
Speaker 1: of our Black children stuck in ambiguity and in the

2626
02:02:30,520 --> 02:02:33,920
Speaker 1: limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I

2627
02:02:34,000 --> 02:02:35,959
Speaker 1: legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

2628
02:02:36,600 --> 02:02:37,920
Speaker 2: Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

2629
02:02:37,960 --> 02:02:40,120
Speaker 1: I had no ties to this other young king, but

2630
02:02:40,160 --> 02:02:42,720
Speaker 1: I felt God instructed me to adopt them also in

2631
02:02:42,800 --> 02:02:46,880
Speaker 1: I obabe starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right,

2632
02:02:46,920 --> 02:02:49,720
Speaker 1: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

2633
02:02:49,720 --> 02:02:52,840
Speaker 1: bring awareness to the countless young Black Kings and the

2634
02:02:52,880 --> 02:02:55,920
Speaker 1: Falter care system should have decreased my agitation.

2635
02:02:56,120 --> 02:02:56,320
Speaker 2: Right.

2636
02:02:57,040 --> 02:02:59,640
Speaker 1: Joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption, in

2637
02:02:59,720 --> 02:03:03,320
Speaker 1: organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in

2638
02:03:03,360 --> 02:03:07,960
Speaker 1: Falsil care should have led to some type of resolve right, No,

2639
02:03:08,040 --> 02:03:10,920
Speaker 1: not at all. None of it felt like I had

2640
02:03:11,000 --> 02:03:15,560
Speaker 1: done enough. I now realized that every one of those

2641
02:03:15,640 --> 02:03:19,480
Speaker 1: experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

2642
02:03:20,400 --> 02:03:24,480
Speaker 1: Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of

2643
02:03:24,520 --> 02:03:27,920
Speaker 1: the art home for foster boys. Our first location will

2644
02:03:27,920 --> 02:03:30,680
Speaker 1: be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize

2645
02:03:30,680 --> 02:03:34,600
Speaker 1: the whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to

2646
02:03:34,680 --> 02:03:38,720
Speaker 1: advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and

2647
02:03:38,840 --> 02:03:42,440
Speaker 1: limitless options that they thought were impossible.

2648
02:03:43,560 --> 02:03:43,760
Speaker 2: Though.

2649
02:03:43,760 --> 02:03:46,000
Speaker 1: The young Kings will attend the local public schools that

2650
02:03:46,040 --> 02:03:49,920
Speaker 1: are in proximity to Kingdom Royal. Our at home curriculum

2651
02:03:50,040 --> 02:03:53,520
Speaker 1: will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending

2652
02:03:53,600 --> 02:03:58,480
Speaker 1: various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions

2653
02:03:58,520 --> 02:04:02,640
Speaker 1: about current events and even in relevant historical contexts, introducing

2654
02:04:02,680 --> 02:04:05,840
Speaker 1: them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our

2655
02:04:05,960 --> 02:04:09,960
Speaker 1: animals on our form and on site stables. We just

2656
02:04:10,080 --> 02:04:13,480
Speaker 1: launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising

2657
02:04:13,520 --> 02:04:15,600
Speaker 1: two point eight million dollars. Now why two point eight

2658
02:04:15,600 --> 02:04:18,960
Speaker 1: million dollars? Well, in twenty seventeen, I created a web

2659
02:04:19,000 --> 02:04:21,960
Speaker 1: series in which I performed random acts of kindness for

2660
02:04:22,080 --> 02:04:25,360
Speaker 1: targeting the homeless community. One of the most notable successes

2661
02:04:25,600 --> 02:04:28,640
Speaker 1: was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty

2662
02:04:28,800 --> 02:04:33,080
Speaker 1: eight million views. However, one of my biggest regrets is

2663
02:04:33,080 --> 02:04:35,400
Speaker 1: that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in

2664
02:04:35,480 --> 02:04:39,600
Speaker 1: implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community. So,

2665
02:04:39,720 --> 02:04:43,680
Speaker 1: throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect and I'm

2666
02:04:43,760 --> 02:04:45,200
Speaker 1: not maximizing that moment.

2667
02:04:45,280 --> 02:04:46,400
Speaker 2: I knew if at.

2668
02:04:46,280 --> 02:04:49,720
Speaker 1: That time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,

2669
02:04:50,240 --> 02:04:53,400
Speaker 1: we would have raised at least two point eight million

2670
02:04:53,440 --> 02:04:56,320
Speaker 1: dollars that could have really established long term support for

2671
02:04:56,360 --> 02:04:59,760
Speaker 1: the homeless community, or at least started a long term.

2672
02:04:59,560 --> 02:05:00,480
Speaker 2: Initial to do.

2673
02:05:00,560 --> 02:05:06,320
Speaker 1: So this is my do over, this is our new beginning. Together,

2674
02:05:06,640 --> 02:05:09,960
Speaker 1: we can attack this at the route by specifically helping

2675
02:05:10,040 --> 02:05:14,960
Speaker 1: our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in

2676
02:05:15,000 --> 02:05:16,920
Speaker 1: the American fossil care system.

2677
02:05:17,240 --> 02:05:18,480
Speaker 2: I'm a terisarwhee Field.

2678
02:05:18,480 --> 02:05:21,880
Speaker 1: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work

2679
02:05:21,920 --> 02:05:24,880
Speaker 1: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

2680
02:05:25,440 --> 02:05:29,879
Speaker 1: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

2681
02:05:30,000 --> 02:05:35,720
Speaker 1: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot

2682
02:05:35,720 --> 02:05:39,360
Speaker 1: com for more details, crown a king and make a

2683
02:05:39,400 --> 02:05:42,839
Speaker 1: donation today.

2684
02:05:47,480 --> 02:05:49,840
Speaker 6: I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future

2685
02:05:49,880 --> 02:05:50,680
Speaker 6: WIFEI podcast.

2686
02:05:50,800 --> 02:05:56,320
Speaker 1: Remember belt live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.

2687
02:05:56,760 --> 02:05:59,760
Speaker 2: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future WIFEI YouTube channel,

2688
02:06:00,160 --> 02:06:03,720
Speaker 2: available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher. We

2689
02:06:03,880 --> 02:06:06,840
Speaker 2: welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your friends

2690
02:06:06,840 --> 02:06:07,280
Speaker 2: and family.