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Speaker 1: She said, if we end up together and we lose

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Speaker 1: all this, we can just get a studio apartment together,

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Speaker 1: get some Roman noodles.

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Speaker 2: As long as we in that together, we can rebuild

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Speaker 2: this together.

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Speaker 1: I just want you to know that I was already

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Speaker 1: getting the ring ready in my head, like this is it, this.

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Speaker 3: Is it all this?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, congratulations. But that's not what's important to me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah he has all that, but like, does he worship that?

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Speaker 4: Does that define him? So the question that I asked

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Speaker 4: him is if he lost everything, how would he respond?

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Speaker 5: Welk to differ you dre Wife podcast, My homies Bishop

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Speaker 5: Joseph Walker and doctor Stephanie Walker.

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Speaker 3: Welco to differ Dwife podcast, What's Up?

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Speaker 5: No one would ever believe how cool and chill you are,

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Speaker 5: that you oversee all these churches.

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Speaker 2: Just copy Joseph, got to start bucks?

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Speaker 3: What's your name?

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Speaker 2: I don't be like Bishop Joseph.

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Speaker 3: Want to walk in the therapist.

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Speaker 1: You don't fit on the top. God never we say

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Speaker 1: that you're gonna make your title grade? He said, it

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Speaker 1: make your name great.

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Speaker 3: My name is makes your name grade? How did y'all meet?

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Speaker 6: That?

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Speaker 2: Been mad?

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Speaker 1: Eleven years my wife passed away with cancer, and that

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Speaker 1: was three years a widow.

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Speaker 2: I was in a conference in Florida.

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Speaker 1: I sat down next to this pastor from Boston and

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Speaker 1: he'd said to me, the Lord just told me that

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Speaker 1: I'm to find your wife. At that time, I've heard

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Speaker 1: this quite often, you know. I said, Okay, I'm gon

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Speaker 1: let it happen.

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Speaker 4: I was on faculty in Boston and Harvard. I get

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Speaker 4: a call from my pastor and he's like, is there

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Speaker 4: a website that people can go to you to get

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Speaker 4: more information about you? And then he calls me back again.

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Speaker 4: He's like, no, I mean a website with like pictures

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Speaker 4: of you. My first thought was that's creepy, but then

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Speaker 4: I realized that he was trying to set me up.

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Speaker 2: I date by sight. I don't date by faith. I

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Speaker 2: need to see how old were you at the time

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Speaker 2: when y'all met.

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Speaker 4: Thirty two years old, living my best life. No one's

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Speaker 4: thinking about I want to marry a pastor. He told

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Speaker 4: me he was a pastor, and I was like.

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Speaker 7: Are you crazy? I can't my cards.

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Speaker 8: You were apprehensive about dating a pastor, so stepping into

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Speaker 8: that role?

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Speaker 9: What was that process like?

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Speaker 5: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

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Speaker 5: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

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Speaker 5: this day, the day I got married November the twenty second,

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Speaker 5: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 10: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 10: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 10: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 5: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 5: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 3: You are the award, the honor God placed.

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Speaker 5: Before me, the recognition of growth, healing, and becoming the

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Speaker 5: man I needed to be.

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Speaker 10: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 10: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 3: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 3: I'm a tearist.

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Speaker 9: Are Whitfield, I'm Ashley Are Whitfield. Welcome to the.

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Speaker 5: Welcome to Dear Future WiFi podcast. I'm your host of

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Speaker 5: teris Ar Whitfield and.

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Speaker 9: I'm Ashley are Whitfield.

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Speaker 5: Listener, are you still shacking up with us? If you're

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Speaker 5: still shacking up with us, come on, can we get

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Speaker 5: a commitment? Hit that description button and subscribe. Make sure

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Speaker 5: you're telling your notification bells, you'll be notified about upcoming episodes. Man,

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Speaker 5: I've been reading all the dms the story shares about

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Speaker 5: the book Student of Love. Thank y'all so much for

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Speaker 5: rocking with me and for purchasing the book and my audible.

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Speaker 5: Continue to keep spreading the messes, keep leaving reviews on

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Speaker 5: the sites that help build the algorithms. So keep doing

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Speaker 5: what you're doing, you know what. Matter of fact, for

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Speaker 5: those that don't know about Student of Love, here's a

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Speaker 5: brief commercial take a look. Student of Love releases January thirteenth.

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Speaker 5: But I want to share with you a voice memo

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Speaker 5: I received via text from my friend Rachel Silver. Now

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Speaker 5: always hire Rachel when I'm working on major projects to

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Speaker 5: help me ide aid and organize my thoughts and ideas,

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Speaker 5: and I did that with Student of Love, and she

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Speaker 5: challenged me a lot with some of my thoughts and ideas.

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Speaker 3: But listen, listen, listen, listen.

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Speaker 6: To this, Hailey Terris. I'm super super excited because in

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Speaker 6: a few weeks, I am going to be a married woman.

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Speaker 6: And as I reflect not only just on the relationship

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Speaker 6: that he and I have, but just over the last

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Speaker 6: few years, how God has really placed people like you

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Speaker 6: on my life to just help to bring forth new

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Speaker 6: insight and new purpose and help to bring for growth.

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Speaker 6: I've always known that we would create something that would

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Speaker 6: impact the world, but I didn't always know that we

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Speaker 6: would create something that would impact my world. So as

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Speaker 6: we were working on our last project, as you were

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Speaker 6: sharing your stories and sharing, you know, just about being

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Speaker 6: a student of love and just about navigating this thing

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Speaker 6: called love, it really allowed me to to gain new insight.

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Speaker 6: It allowed me to process, not just internally, cause you know,

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Speaker 6: I was processing verbally too, talking to you about things

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Speaker 6: as well. And even when it wasn't about me, you

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Speaker 6: just really allowed that space and I appreciate that. And

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Speaker 6: even when I didn't agree with everything that you were saying,

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Speaker 6: cause I didn't, I mean I agree with a lot

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Speaker 6: of it, but not all of it, I was still like, well,

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Speaker 6: you know what, let me try this out. Let me

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Speaker 6: see what this is like in real life. And so

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Speaker 6: I got to try that out while I was dating.

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Speaker 6: I was dating him, and I'm like, hey, I guess you.

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Speaker 9: Know, maybe Willie Terence is saying it's working.

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Speaker 6: A little bit, because apparently I'm getting married in a

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Speaker 6: couple of weeks.

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Speaker 1: So it's just really been cool.

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Speaker 6: And it's been called applying the things that God has

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Speaker 6: given you in my life. And I'm just I just

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Speaker 6: I'm just really grateful.

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Speaker 3: What are you waiting on pre order this book?

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Speaker 1: Now?

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Speaker 5: Remember, love isn't about finding the right person, It's about

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Speaker 5: becoming the right person. And today we have exciting guests

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Speaker 5: on the Dear Future WIFEI podcasts.

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Speaker 3: Actually, who do we have? Don't do that? You want

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Speaker 3: to be introduced like that? Okay?

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Speaker 5: But so Ashley still wants me to take the lead,

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Speaker 5: which I love about us.

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Speaker 3: She says, I like a man who can lead.

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Speaker 5: So we have our friends on the Dear Future Wifeie

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Speaker 5: podcast today, without further ado, Welcome to a Dear Future

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Speaker 5: Wife podcast.

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Speaker 3: My homies, Bishop.

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Speaker 5: Joseph Walker and doctor Stephanie Walker.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the Dear Future Wife podcast. What's what's going on?

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Speaker 2: What happened to is y'all?

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Speaker 5: So we got a chance to hang out with y'all?

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Speaker 5: That was last month, wasn't that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Last month? Got chance in December we were married a

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Speaker 5: week after freshly married, and we were sitting there around

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Speaker 5: these veterans in the game.

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Speaker 3: How many years have y'all.

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Speaker 7: Been married eighteen years?

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Speaker 2: Man, eighteen years?

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Speaker 3: You want to call you Bishop of Joseph?

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Speaker 6: What man?

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Speaker 2: Call me Joseph?

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Speaker 3: Call you Joseph.

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Speaker 5: Promise it fine. It just feels so, you know, I

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Speaker 5: like Joseph. Man, okay, Joseph, but actually ain't gonna listen to.

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Speaker 1: You, Bishop, bishop, been, doctor stella.

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Speaker 5: I'll call you bishopming. There you go, all right, because

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Speaker 5: Joseph just don't feel right. How many years have y'all

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Speaker 5: been married?

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Speaker 3: Eighteen years?

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Speaker 2: Eighteen?

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Speaker 3: May just have to look at her to find out,

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Speaker 3: because I know y'all both.

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Speaker 4: Pause to see if he was going to get a

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Speaker 4: right and I realized he was pausing to try to

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Speaker 4: because he.

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Speaker 7: Was still calculating this.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, I count my I found my coins for

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Speaker 1: these anniversaries, so I trust me.

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Speaker 2: I know, I know what time it is.

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Speaker 5: To this bishop, what has been the greatest lesson that

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Speaker 5: marriage has taught you?

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Speaker 3: And I go to ask you the same thing, doctor stuff.

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Speaker 1: Wow, the greatest lesson marriage taught me being married to

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Speaker 1: this woman has been I think just really what real

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Speaker 1: intimacy is like. It is intimate to see, like really

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Speaker 1: being connected to a person in every area and having

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Speaker 1: a sense of connection that is that you can anticipate

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Speaker 1: the person's needs and you can have a strong level

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Speaker 1: of communication and to be able to understand what a

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Speaker 1: person's love language is and to be intentional about that.

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Speaker 1: That's what it's taught me. But it's pause and pay attention.

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Speaker 1: How about that, Paul's and pay attention?

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Speaker 3: All right, doctor Stephanie. What has mariage taught you?

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Speaker 7: Well, I think it's taught me.

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Speaker 4: Like the true meaning of love, right, So it's about

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Speaker 4: not just loving the parts of a person that you

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Speaker 4: absolutely love and fell in love with, but as you're

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Speaker 4: growing as a couple, you're learning to love those other

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Speaker 4: aspects of that individual. And it's also taught me the

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Speaker 4: true meaning of for better or for worse, the true meaning, Yes,

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Speaker 4: the true meaning, because I think when people get married,

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Speaker 4: you deal with the superficialities, right, you deal with the

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Speaker 4: for better, for better, for better for better. Yeah, But

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Speaker 4: like real marriage is about the ups and the downs,

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Speaker 4: choosing to love you every day even when I don't.

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Speaker 7: Like you, yeah, you know, And so I.

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Speaker 3: Can't ever imagine the day where you just don't like Joseph.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, what's just unbelievable.

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Speaker 8: You guys mentioned knowing each other's love languages, which is

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Speaker 8: really powerful because my husband had doctor Gary Chapman on

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Speaker 8: the podcast and he actually wrote the forward to Student

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Speaker 8: of Love, so which was huge. Tell us a little bit, well,

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Speaker 8: if you don't mind, what is doctor Steph's love language

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Speaker 8: and what is your love?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? So all about all about presence time That that's

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Speaker 1: groundsyo for her being president, investing that time it means

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Speaker 1: everything to her. So I love languages quality time absolutely, yeah,

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Speaker 1: period period.

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Speaker 2: I mean, thank God for the presence, but the presence.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, She'll take the presence though, but.

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Speaker 3: She wants you to abide with spend some time. What

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Speaker 3: about what about Bishop?

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Speaker 4: His love language is uh, affirmations of affirmation and gifts.

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Speaker 7: He loves gifts, loves gifts, loves gifts.

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Speaker 4: He don't want you to forget about an anniversary, a

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Speaker 4: birthday celebration. But he needs you to hear you say

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Speaker 4: amazing things about him and to be able to recognize

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Speaker 4: when he's doing the right thing and showing up and

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Speaker 4: being present and going above and beyond. He needs to

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Speaker 4: hear that you recognize that what.

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Speaker 1: I'm putting the dishes up and I'm like, make you

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Speaker 1: know that I'm doing it.

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Speaker 2: What did I do this morning?

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Speaker 8: He made the bed this morning, and he said, there's

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Speaker 8: something over there for you to make sure that you know.

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Speaker 8: I thought maybe there was like a box or a gift.

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Speaker 9: Said go look, go look, it was the bed.

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Speaker 7: He made it up to you. Wanted you to see it.

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Speaker 9: He wanted me to see it.

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Speaker 3: He wanted me to see not just I made that

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Speaker 3: bed up. Yeah, I know this.

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Speaker 7: God man that made me words of affirmation.

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Speaker 3: That's hilarious.

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Speaker 5: So let's let's let's just turn back the wheels of

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Speaker 5: time or the hands of time and go back.

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Speaker 1: How did y'all meet? So I'll tell my side of

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Speaker 1: it and let her to her side of it. But

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Speaker 1: I was, I was widowed. I've been married eleven years.

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Speaker 1: My wife passed away with cancer, and I was three

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Speaker 1: years of widow. And so in that wilderness of widowhood,

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you them, be honest, I have to repent

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Speaker 1: to all the single people in my church because I was,

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Speaker 1: you know, telling them.

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Speaker 2: It's not that bad. You know, you got to trust God.

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Speaker 1: And I got in that wilderness, I was like, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: it really is that bad. He But but I was

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Speaker 1: in a conference in Florida and I was, you know, uh,

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Speaker 1: doing a leadership conference and this I sat down next

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Speaker 1: to this pastor from Boston and he'd said to me,

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Speaker 1: the Lord just told me that I'm to find your wife.

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Speaker 1: And of course at that time, i'd heard this quite

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Speaker 1: often over the three years. You know, all you know

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Speaker 1: this person, that person and whatever and so. But I

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Speaker 1: felt such a kindred spirit. I felt authenticity, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I said, okay, all right, man, I'm gona let it happen.

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Speaker 1: So then, of course he then introduces me to her.

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Speaker 1: It's a blind date and she could pick it up

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Speaker 1: from there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So I was on faculty in Boston Harvard and I

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Speaker 4: get a call from my pastor and in the meanwhile,

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Speaker 4: I had joined the church. And because I was previously

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Speaker 4: a public health student, you know, he like the church.

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Speaker 4: A lot of movers and shakers went to the church

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Speaker 4: in terms of the city government and all that. So

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Speaker 4: he was constantly introducing me to people. So he calls

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Speaker 4: me and he's like, hey, I want you to go

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Speaker 4: to lunch to have a friend coming to town. And

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Speaker 4: then I was like, okay, cool because I figured it

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Speaker 4: was about business. And then he hangs up and he

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Speaker 4: calls me back, and he's like, is there a website

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Speaker 4: that people can go to to get more information about you?

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Speaker 4: And again, like we were on faculty, there's a website,

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Speaker 4: like everybody has their faculty, you know at.

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Speaker 9: Harvard by the way.

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Speaker 4: Harvard, And so I say yes, I him to the

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Speaker 4: website and then he calls me back again he's like, no,

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Speaker 4: I mean a website with like pictures, like pictures of you.

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Speaker 7: And I was like oh. At first, my first thought

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Speaker 7: was that's creepy. But then I realized.

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Speaker 4: That he was trying to set me up and I

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Speaker 4: was like, are you trying to set me up on

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Speaker 4: a blind date? I was like, no, I'm good. He

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Speaker 4: was like, you're not good because I just met your

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Speaker 4: last boyfriend.

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Speaker 7: He was like, no, you're not good, right.

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Speaker 4: And so then he wouldn't let me get He wouldn't

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Speaker 4: let me get off the phone until I allowed him.

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Speaker 4: I promised him that it would be okay for him

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Speaker 4: to give my phone number to this one here, and

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Speaker 4: they ended up calling me the next day. Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: we chatted for maybe, you know what, like thirty forty

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Speaker 4: five minutes. And then that was a Friday, and then

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Speaker 4: a weekend went through, and then on Monday, he called

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Speaker 4: me and we've been together ever since.

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Speaker 3: Did you see the picture though?

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Speaker 2: And he's like, oh yeah, because date, I date by sight,

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Speaker 2: date fate, So.

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Speaker 3: This one, yeah, I need to see.

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Speaker 2: I'm not trying to be Jacob. I'm trying to see.

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Speaker 1: So I get in this tent and so yeah, yeah

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Speaker 1: he saw so yes, So yeah, what you.

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Speaker 3: Think when you first saw her?

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Speaker 2: Oh God, oh God?

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Speaker 1: I said, oh yes, Lord Jesus, you give you the

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Speaker 1: desires of your heart.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because I wanted to full package your house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, absolutely, yes, but God desires so as far

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Speaker 1: as the desires of my heart.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, And so you hit up the next day and

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Speaker 5: she said that y'all were inseparable after that moment.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, we talked, man.

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Speaker 1: We we actually start talking in late May early June,

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Speaker 1: and we talked, I mean.

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Speaker 2: Every day for hours.

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Speaker 1: In her schedule, she'd been on call to the hospital,

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Speaker 1: I'll be running around the country and we'd be on

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Speaker 1: the phone that night, waking up in the morning, you

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Speaker 1: gotta go, we gotta go.

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Speaker 2: Phone asleep on the phone. We had the most robust conversations.

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Speaker 1: They were very deep and one of the most interesting

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Speaker 1: things about our coversations and the reason I knew she

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Speaker 1: was the one because she never really dealt with the

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Speaker 1: shallow issues, Like she really wanted to go at those

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Speaker 1: deeper issues about me, which just armed me, which really

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Speaker 1: did it kind of cause because most folks deal with

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Speaker 1: that whole peripheral stuff, you know, she was.

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Speaker 2: Really going to the core.

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Speaker 1: And uh, those conversations really let me realize this, this

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Speaker 1: woman is really different. And I think she was a

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Speaker 1: signed to me.

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Speaker 3: A sign to you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely, a sign.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: You see, there are a lot of attachments in life.

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Speaker 2: Something that's attached.

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Speaker 1: It's like a U haul if you bomps, it's gonna

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Speaker 1: fall off, and you hall is not attached to the

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Speaker 1: warranty bumper is assigned to the car, so it's a

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Speaker 1: part of it. So I felt that God had assigned

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Speaker 1: her to me because I believe that a person who's

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Speaker 1: a sign is a sign to where you're going.

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Speaker 2: Not always where you are there.

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Speaker 1: It is so we dated our actuality and not in

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Speaker 1: our potentiality.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I'm gonna throw something at you. I'm going yeah,

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Speaker 5: And when she thought so real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she talked earlier about that, like for better, for worse,

350
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Speaker 1: like the ideas we evolved and we're becoming becoming, And

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Speaker 1: if you want a person to be like ready made,

352
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Speaker 1: you really grow with that person and then arrive.

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Speaker 2: At that place of destiny or together. And that's kind

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Speaker 2: of what we realize.

355
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Speaker 3: Bishop.

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Speaker 5: I think people, especially a lot of single people, need

357
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Speaker 5: to understand that because I see it all the time.

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Speaker 5: I see it in an these social media streets where

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Speaker 5: people are wanting ready made people not realizing that, and

360
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Speaker 5: then you hear these this god awful thing, we grew apart.

361
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Speaker 5: That means that you chose somebody that didn't evolve with you,

362
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Speaker 5: or you didn't grow with that person, and so at

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Speaker 5: the end of the day, you hit the nail on

364
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Speaker 5: the head. She was assigned to you because you knew

365
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Speaker 5: that she was somebody that could meet you in every

366
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Speaker 5: stage of your life, and vice versa.

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Speaker 1: That God, God kind of sees up the road. He

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Speaker 1: knows where you're going, right, he knows things you don't know.

369
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Speaker 1: And so you look at this person, You're like, wow,

370
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Speaker 1: like we're together, we love each other. And God's like,

371
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Speaker 1: I called you together for purposes greater than yourself, right,

372
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Speaker 1: It's bigger than you. And so when you understand that,

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Speaker 1: that's what you fight for and that we've kind of

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Speaker 1: kind of set ourselves to do. We realize, Wow, there's

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Speaker 1: so much God wants to do through us, and that's

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Speaker 1: what a enemy attacks, not us, but the thing, right,

377
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Speaker 1: so we wake up every day fight for the thing.

378
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Speaker 3: Definitely.

379
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Speaker 5: I got to hear you talk. What did you see

380
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Speaker 5: in that moment? And how old were you at the

381
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Speaker 5: time when y'all met?

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Speaker 7: I was thirty two.

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Speaker 3: Okay, did you desire marriage at thirty two?

384
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Speaker 7: Absolutely?

385
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Speaker 3: So You've always been a woman that desire marriage?

386
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Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I means even as a little kid. My

387
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Speaker 4: parents they've been married for almost seventy years.

388
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Speaker 3: Oh really yeah, And.

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Speaker 4: So like I knew that I was built for marriage,

390
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Speaker 4: Like in mind, there was nothing about me in my

391
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Speaker 4: mind that ever said I don't want to get married.

392
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Speaker 4: But I wanted the right person. I didn't want any person.

393
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Speaker 4: And by the time I I met him, I had

394
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Speaker 4: just I won't say recently, probably like a year out

395
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Speaker 4: of a relationship, and I was at this place of

396
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Speaker 4: contentment where I was able to say, like, Lord, even

397
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Speaker 4: though those are the desires of my heart.

398
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Speaker 7: I'm fine.

399
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Speaker 4: Like I love my life, I love my career, I

400
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 4: love my friends, my family, I'm traveling around the world.

401
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 4: I'm doing what I want to do in my own time,

402
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:29,240
Speaker 4: in my own space. If it be your will, then

403
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Speaker 4: let that person find me. Let me find that person.

404
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,360
Speaker 4: And if it's not, I'm okay with that because I love.

405
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Speaker 2: Me, So hold on.

406
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 3: So you tell me you were genuinely okay with that.

407
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Speaker 7: I was at peace. If you never got married, I

408
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Speaker 7: was at peace.

409
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Speaker 4: And I think, like literally, it was probably about two

410
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Speaker 4: weeks before I met him that I was like down

411
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Speaker 4: on my knees like saying that very thing, because I

412
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Speaker 4: was like, I'm done, I'm over it, Like I don't

413
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Speaker 4: if I go to another didn't and waste my time.

414
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Speaker 7: If I go to another movie.

415
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Speaker 4: If I go to another get dressed and come home

416
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Speaker 4: feeling defeated.

417
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Speaker 11: I mean, what is the point?

418
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Speaker 4: Like when you go out and I realize that you've

419
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Speaker 4: wasted your time, it's like you're like, Okay, I have

420
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Speaker 4: to go to work in the morning. I'm not only

421
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Speaker 4: did this not work, but I'm exhausted.

422
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Speaker 7: I'm tired. I just wasted a cute outfit, Like what

423
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Speaker 7: is this? That took a lot. It takes a lot

424
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Speaker 7: of effort.

425
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Speaker 4: For women to get up, get dressed to your hair,

426
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Speaker 4: show your best self, and you're like, that wasn't even worth.

427
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Speaker 9: It wasn't even worth.

428
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Speaker 4: I'd rather stay home, eat popcorn, watch a really good movie,

429
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Speaker 4: catch up on whatever, and make.

430
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Speaker 7: Myself better for whoever in the process.

431
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 4: And that's the conversation literally that I had with God,

432
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Speaker 4: Like I don't want to play anymore. This is not

433
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:58,199
Speaker 4: play play. This is about destiny. And if I have

434
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Speaker 4: to wait, then I wait. And if this is the

435
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 4: season that you have me in, I'm okay with that.

436
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 4: But I think that's why he was able to show

437
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 4: up in that season because I think frequently we think

438
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Speaker 4: that we're waiting on God or we're waiting on whatever,

439
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,159
Speaker 4: but frequently God is waiting on us to get to

440
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,159
Speaker 4: that point. Had he delivered him when I was in

441
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Speaker 4: a different season continue, So, thirty two years old, living

442
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Speaker 4: my best life, no one's thinking about I want to

443
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Speaker 4: marry a pastor. Like when my in that conversation where

444
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 4: my pastor was trying to introduce me to him. The

445
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 4: reason that I said he made me promise to allow

446
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 4: him to give me him my phone number is because

447
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 4: I said no.

448
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 9: He told me he was a.

449
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 7: Pastor and I was like, are you crazy? I can't.

450
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:48,879
Speaker 7: This is not my card that I.

451
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:50,719
Speaker 3: Like.

452
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 7: But I didn't.

453
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 4: I clearly didn't understand, but I was also and I

454
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 4: had these preconceived notions of what that meant, not just

455
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 4: for him, but for me. Absolutely, if I'm content in

456
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 4: my life, do I want to live in a fish bowl?

457
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 4: That's not a choice that you're choosing to make, making

458
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 4: those sacrifices. And so when he called me the next day,

459
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 4: in my mind, I'm like, Okay, this is nice. But

460
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 4: then he kept talking and he was so funny and

461
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 4: engaging and so normal and just so down to earth,

462
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 4: and I was just like, okay, lord, this is different,

463
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 4: you know. And so then the weekend went by, and

464
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 4: I'm thinking, okay, well, he's a pastor. I don't want

465
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,159
Speaker 4: to bother him on a Sunday or a weekend. And

466
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 4: so then Monday when he calls me, and the conversations

467
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,360
Speaker 4: were just so rich and so deep, and one thing

468
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 4: that I'd never done with anyone else. I never told

469
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 4: him what I wanted or what I was looking for,

470
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 4: because I feel like when you do that, it's easy for.

471
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,480
Speaker 7: Somebody to morph into that.

472
00:22:54,560 --> 00:23:01,199
Speaker 4: Absolutely two three four months trickery, right, get what they want.

473
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:05,239
Speaker 4: So I never exposed that to him, and he was

474
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: just he was exactly what I was asking God for

475
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 4: and exactly what I was looking for.

476
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 7: He just didn't know, Like he didn't know that from

477
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 7: my lips.

478
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 3: MM, it was walking confirmation.

479
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,200
Speaker 8: What was that like, because you said that you had

480
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 8: like you were apprehensive about dating a pastor, so stepping

481
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 8: into that role, what was that process like?

482
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 4: Because so I basically told him, like one day he

483
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 4: was like, well, did you google me? And I was like, what,

484
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 4: I don't want to know, bit I want to.

485
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 12: Know jealousy To answer your question, I basically told him

486
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 12: that he could not talk to me about church, not

487
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 12: be I mean, I love the Lord, but I didn't want.

488
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 4: To know that side of him, because that's not real.

489
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 3: You didn't want to know the job side of him.

490
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 7: Yeah, because that's perception.

491
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 4: You can be standing in front of ten twenty thousand

492
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 4: people and preach amazing and do whatever, but they don't

493
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 4: know you. Yeah, you want to do right whatever's out

494
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 4: there in the world. That's not the real you. That's

495
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 4: just people's perceptions and ideations of who they think that

496
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 4: you are. And I just made it clear to him

497
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 4: that if this is going somewhere, I don't want that

498
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 4: person because that person's not real.

499
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 7: I want the real you.

500
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 4: I need to know who you are, where you're from,

501
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 4: what you've done, all the background, the baggage, the skeletons.

502
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 4: That's who I want to get to know.

503
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 5: It's good, you know it's good. So that was one

504
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 5: of the things that attracted me most of y'all. I

505
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:49,000
Speaker 5: remember when I we all did a conference together last

506
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 5: year that last year you're full last year. Yeah, that's

507
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 5: hired to mension yea, and y'all were up before me,

508
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 5: and I looked at them.

509
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 3: I said, I like them. You're so real.

510
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 5: And then to hear that the office of bishop was

511
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 5: before your name proceeded to now said this.

512
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 3: Is a bishop threw me off. I said, who are

513
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 3: these people?

514
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:15,560
Speaker 5: I know these people, and I remember Whitney had told

515
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:17,560
Speaker 5: me about you, and I was like, I said, let's

516
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 5: take a picture, and I sent it to Whitney. I said,

517
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 5: your pastor is sitting right here. I said, this man

518
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 5: is so freaking Clusius. I told you. I said, they're

519
00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 5: so real, they just so honest. So my question to

520
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,159
Speaker 5: you was that were you always like that? Though Bishop Joseph,

521
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,439
Speaker 5: you tell me that walking in the office that you

522
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 5: are in, you have always been transparent like this.

523
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:43,320
Speaker 2: No, no, not at all entered, doctor Steph.

524
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know who basically, you know, really showed me

525
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: a path toward what that looked like to be authentic,

526
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,880
Speaker 1: not only within our marriage, but I think in terms

527
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 1: of my ministry in general.

528
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 3: That's good.

529
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: You know, in ministry, you know, you do morph into

530
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: what these expectations of other people. Now, you often live

531
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: in this space of a lot of pastors are struggling

532
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 1: and hurting and not not really willing to share that,

533
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: and I willing to share their struggles. And I found

534
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: out after being married to her, this is why it's

535
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: important to marry the right person. Yes, because they you

536
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: know again that assigned to you, they make you better,

537
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 1: They enhance you. And my ministry, you know, began to

538
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 1: get you know, reach greater places and reached more people

539
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 1: who were looking for that authenticity. I was able to

540
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: preach in a place where I was more honest because

541
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: I was living it right and I was living my

542
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,960
Speaker 1: struggles talking about it honestly, talking about my journey and uh,

543
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: and of course that's kind of how our whole ministry

544
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: evolved together, you know, out there our journey, our truth,

545
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: our life, and that that is what we do every

546
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: single day. And so yeah, she she really she unwrapped

547
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 1: your boy.

548
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 3: She took the passket off.

549
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 2: Man, I'm brand new.

550
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 4: Just think like in this generation, right, you've got people

551
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 4: that are constantly looking and searching on Facebook, Instagram, whatever,

552
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,160
Speaker 4: and all they know is the superficial, right, and that's

553
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 4: why it doesn't work.

554
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 12: Right.

555
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 4: You're looking for somebody, but you're not giving that person

556
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,000
Speaker 4: the space or grace to not be the person that

557
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:25,280
Speaker 4: you see on the gram, right by allowing them or

558
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 4: creating a safe space for them to be damaged, for

559
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 4: them to be you know, hurting or imperfect.

560
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 5: Right.

561
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,639
Speaker 4: When you do that, then that's how relationships grow. Relationships

562
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:42,120
Speaker 4: don't grow from you know, falsehoods or what have you.

563
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 4: You know, and we say all the time like we're

564
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 4: not perfect people by any stretch of the imagination, but

565
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 4: we're perfect for one another.

566
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:48,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

567
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, And so how long were y'all dating before you

568
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 5: knew that she was the one?

569
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 1: Oh? I knew honestly, I knew after about three weeks

570
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 1: that she was the one. I had gone to Boston

571
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:05,959
Speaker 1: and we hung out and I knew then and we

572
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 1: actually got engaged three months later.

573
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 3: M let me ask you, how long did it take

574
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 3: you to know?

575
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:13,400
Speaker 7: Two weeks?

576
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,439
Speaker 5: Two weeks, so three weeks and two weeks? And so

577
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,359
Speaker 5: what did he do in those two weeks that made

578
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 5: you believe that he.

579
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 3: Was the one? Just the.

580
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 4: I would say, the authenticity, just the way that he thought,

581
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 4: like his thought process.

582
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 6: He was just.

583
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 7: So smart and.

584
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:36,239
Speaker 3: Just.

585
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 4: He wasn't stuck in a specific way of thinking. He

586
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 4: was loving, He loved his family, He loved his mama.

587
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 7: Make sure the man loves his mama yea or the.

588
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 4: Mother figures that are in their life, because how he

589
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 4: treats them is how he's going to treat you.

590
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:55,840
Speaker 7: So that put a pen.

591
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 3: People say that, why do you believe it?

592
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 4: Because whatever you're doing on a daily basis. I heard

593
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 4: Michelle Obama say this, it's the person that you're practicing

594
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 4: to be. So even from childhood, like you can see

595
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 4: how you know, you think about adults and you think

596
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 4: back on their childhood, Well, that's how they became. And

597
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 4: now those are the attitudes that they developed. They didn't

598
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 4: just develop them overnight. Right, You can't teach character. You

599
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:26,360
Speaker 4: can teach somebody to do things, but you can't teach character.

600
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 4: Character evolves and develops over time. Right, and so I

601
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 4: truly believe that how you you know, and even like

602
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 4: I don't want to say the smaller people in life,

603
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 4: but like people who you feel like you're, you know,

604
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 4: maybe more superior on the ladder, how you treat those people?

605
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 4: That matters? Like how do you treat the waiter? How

606
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 4: do you treat the person who opens the door for you?

607
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 4: How do you treat someone a stranger that you don't know,

608
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 4: who don't see you in line and get in line

609
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:55,760
Speaker 4: in front of you accidentally, Like how do you treat

610
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 4: normal people?

611
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 7: You know?

612
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 4: It's not about how you treat the celebrity or how

613
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 4: you treat your boss. It's about how you treat the

614
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 4: little people in line.

615
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so in those three weeks, what did you

616
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 5: see in that moment?

617
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 1: There was one moment that summed it up for me.

618
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: She looked at me, she said, you know, because God

619
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: had been good to both of us. Be very clear,

620
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,560
Speaker 1: she didn't need me. She was doing it.

621
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 2: She was.

622
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 3: Listen, listen, listen to me, Listen to me.

623
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: This woman wasn't looking for somebody to come and save

624
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:34,720
Speaker 1: a chick. No, no, no, no. She was good, real good, right,

625
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 1: and God had been really good to me.

626
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:36,479
Speaker 6: Right.

627
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: I've been pastoring at that time. Man, I was seventeen

628
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: years so she looked, she came, and she looked, you know,

629
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 1: she knew that God it blessed me. And she said,

630
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 1: let me tell you something. She was pat me on

631
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: my you know. She said, if we if we end

632
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:59,880
Speaker 1: up together and we lose all this house, car, whatever,

633
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: we can just get a studio apartment together, get some

634
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,719
Speaker 1: Roman noodles. As long as we in there together, we

635
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,080
Speaker 1: can rebuild this together. I just want you to know that.

636
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: You said that. Listen, you said that, brother Letia came

637
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:13,080
Speaker 3: right here.

638
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 1: I was already getting the ring ready in my head, like,

639
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 1: this is it, this is it, this is it?

640
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 3: You know what? That's so important.

641
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 5: Ashley said something similar to that in our wedding vows,

642
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 5: and one of my close friends reposted the video and said,

643
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 5: this is what he wants his wife to say to him.

644
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 5: He's been married twice and he said he just wants

645
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 5: the next woman to be able to say that, to

646
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 5: be able to be We hear that in the vowels

647
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 5: all the time, which you say for better, for worse,

648
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,160
Speaker 5: for richard, for poor, but when you know, the heart

649
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 5: of the woman is saying, you.

650
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 3: Ain't got to have all this as long as we together,

651
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 3: that's it.

652
00:31:47,640 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 13: Man offside, And she said that to you man, and

653
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 13: it just at your heart.

654
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 3: That was it.

655
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 2: I knew.

656
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 1: I knew in that very moment, this this is who

657
00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 1: God said to me, This is who God aside to me.

658
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 3: What made you say that?

659
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 4: Because it was real, like, you know, we're not going

660
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 4: to sit here in act, but I new. I grew

661
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 4: up in La inner city, Los Angeles. He grew up

662
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 4: in Shreveport, Louisiana, you know, small town, I mean, on

663
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 4: the side of the road, like we didn't you look,

664
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 4: people look at us and make the assumption that we've

665
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 4: been this yeah, you know, and letting him know in

666
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 4: that moment that all this yeah, yeah, yeah, congratulations. But

667
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 4: that's not what's important to me because there's a lot

668
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 4: of people who have all that and are crazy and

669
00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 4: are selfish and self centered and you know, all the things, right, Like,

670
00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 4: I'd rather take someone with less who is true to

671
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 4: the core and is a good person and loves the Lord,

672
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 4: then has all that, because we can build that together, right,

673
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 4: Like yeah, So, I mean I think that that was

674
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,400
Speaker 4: where that was coming from and it was real and

675
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 4: you know, that actually stemmed from a conversation that we

676
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,680
Speaker 4: were having because what I asked him, because again you're

677
00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 4: trying to get to know the person and like what

678
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 4: their real motives are, Like, yeah he has all that,

679
00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 4: but like does he worship that?

680
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 7: Does that define him?

681
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 4: So the question that I asked him is if he

682
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 4: lost everything, how would he respond?

683
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 3: What?

684
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 4: You are you the type of person that's gonna jump

685
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:40,000
Speaker 4: off the bridge hang yourself, Like what do you like?

686
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 7: How what are you gonna do? And then that's when

687
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 7: I said that.

688
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good.

689
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:47,640
Speaker 9: That's good.

690
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 8: So you you, a lot of people who are dating

691
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 8: are adverse to long distance, but when you guys started,

692
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 8: you were long distance.

693
00:33:57,160 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 4: That's funny though, because if if it's what's for you

694
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 4: is for you, and if it's of God, it's going

695
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:05,479
Speaker 4: to be easy.

696
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 7: Like I was.

697
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 4: You know, my history is that I'm a serial monogamer.

698
00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 4: Previous to getting married, I went from one relationship to

699
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 4: the next relationship to the next relationship. I was very

700
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:21,000
Speaker 4: rarely without a boyfriend. But sometimes you can be in

701
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 4: the same city and your schedules don't aligne up. Everything

702
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 4: seems so difficult and so hard. He was thousands of

703
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 4: miles away, and we were together almost every week, and

704
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,320
Speaker 4: it was just so easy.

705
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:36,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

706
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 2: Wow, with all of my schedules, all that.

707
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 4: Him traveling around the world, me being in the hospital

708
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,320
Speaker 4: all night trying to you know, my family's in California,

709
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,280
Speaker 4: I'm more family in DC. I'm in Boston, he's in Nashville,

710
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 4: And so easily our life sinked.

711
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 2: Really yeah?

712
00:34:52,320 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, so you propose three months after first meeting her, absolutely,

713
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 5: what did your accountability partners say to you?

714
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,560
Speaker 3: Were they saying you were resting it?

715
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 1: Or oh god? That had a variety of response. I asked, something,

716
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: you crazy? You single your bathall said, man, y'all y'all crazy.

717
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 1: Y'all are crazy now. But they meant well, we laughed

718
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: at Peanut Gallery. But no, I mean for the people

719
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,360
Speaker 1: that genuinely cared about me and had known what I

720
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: had gone through and knew what I desired, they really

721
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:38,319
Speaker 1: were happy for me. And you know, I remember my mother.

722
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: My mother was so protective. Oh Mama bear. Oh and

723
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 1: that wasn't like that kid that you know, I was like,

724
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: you know, just the mama's child in terms of that.

725
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:51,680
Speaker 1: But Mama was very much like protective in that season

726
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 1: of my life because she didn't know, she saw she

727
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:58,240
Speaker 1: Oh my god, she she got the mail and everything.

728
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 3: So yeah, reaching to her.

729
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: You know, I can't help you, baby, I can't help

730
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 1: your baby. But but but but when when she met

731
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 1: Steph and she knew how I talked about her communication,

732
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:18,959
Speaker 1: she knew and how she made me feel. She saw

733
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: the change happening in me. This woman changed me, like

734
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 1: she she she made me a better person. How I dressed,

735
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: you know, you know, I moved it a little bit

736
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 1: more conservative, you know, you know back in the day,

737
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 1: you know, preachers we were, you know, don't you say it,

738
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 1: but you know we wore you know, a little different.

739
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,040
Speaker 3: She had tightened up.

740
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,319
Speaker 1: You know, she opened me up to hey, you you know,

741
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: your audience is fast. You want to walk in the

742
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:51,879
Speaker 1: rooms a little different and you know, it really helped

743
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 1: me be a little more sentimental areas that I had

744
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 1: not done. I was a little bit more dogmatic about things,

745
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,240
Speaker 1: and we have some real conversations and it just blessed

746
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: me and so I so they my accountability folks were

747
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 1: very much happy for me, and they showed up to

748
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: the wedding. They showed up and they were proud and

749
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 1: man and they loved her, so they knew she was good. Man.

750
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 5: What about your side, Stephanie. What your friends saying you

751
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 5: about to marry a pastor? What was your family saying.

752
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 3: Her dad when he first met me?

753
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 2: This a true story. I can't make this up.

754
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. Dad's in l A.

755
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:23,799
Speaker 1: You know, l A got church in every corner, so

756
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,920
Speaker 1: he'd have any context, any concept of what.

757
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:28,719
Speaker 2: So he meets me.

758
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,400
Speaker 1: I show up at a baseball hat jeans. You know,

759
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:32,400
Speaker 1: I'm like in Vegas.

760
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 7: And meanwhile, you think my daughter is a doctor. She

761
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 7: living life.

762
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 2: I mean this preacher and he tells.

763
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 7: Her he's like, he's not.

764
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 3: He said, he ain't gonna make it the greatest big

765
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 3: my god.

766
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 2: The preature you don't lay back, because that is you

767
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 2: don't lay back.

768
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:15,200
Speaker 3: We're not gonna walk around with a curgic colog Yeah.

769
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, But everyone was pretty supportive because I think by

770
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 4: that time, his friends knowing him and his desires, my

771
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 4: friends and family knowing me and my desires, and also

772
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 4: knowing that we were at the stage you know this

773
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 4: is I'm not here to play.

774
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,040
Speaker 7: I'm not here to waste time. Don't waste your time.

775
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 4: I mean we had one conversation where it was late

776
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 4: at night and I was just basically like, look, it

777
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,120
Speaker 4: was actually before we met in person, because we met

778
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,640
Speaker 4: on the phone, remember, and then eventually flew out to

779
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 4: Boston and we met in person for the there was

780
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 4: a first meeting in person.

781
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 5: So how long was that between the conversation on the

782
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 5: phone and meeting in person?

783
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 3: How much time that?

784
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:53,080
Speaker 4: Yeah?

785
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 7: About three weeks?

786
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:54,760
Speaker 3: Three weeks.

787
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 5: So when you said you knew she was one of

788
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 5: the three weeks that was the first time you met us.

789
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 4: It was before we met, before we met in person, same,

790
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:05,399
Speaker 4: before we actually met in person. Yeah, you had seen

791
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 4: his picture too, I know he said he saw yours. Yeah,

792
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 4: but yes, yes, yes, yes, yes eventually yeah.

793
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:15,400
Speaker 2: That was right before FaceTime.

794
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, and.

795
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:26,320
Speaker 7: What were they gonna say?

796
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, you about right before we met.

797
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 2: We were having a conversation.

798
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 3: Yes, she's like what we talked about knowing he.

799
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 9: Was the one, right two weeks?

800
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:47,919
Speaker 7: Yeah, you're to cut this out. Where is that going

801
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,239
Speaker 7: with that? Because it's actually really good.

802
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, we left Vegas, came back, and then she asked

803
00:39:55,600 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 1: about He asked about the three weeks before or did

804
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 1: you know when?

805
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 9: Did you know this was before you guys had seen

806
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:04,359
Speaker 9: each other.

807
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 3: We've seen each other in person.

808
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 7: Yeah, oh yes, okay, okay, so.

809
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:18,200
Speaker 4: We eventually decided to meet in person, and you know

810
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 4: the conversation that we had before he flew out. Look

811
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 4: at the end of the day that we don't have

812
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,919
Speaker 4: time to play. I'm thirty two, about to be thirty three.

813
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 4: He's eight years older than me. You know, I like you.

814
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 4: I think that you're an amazing person. But like, if

815
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 4: you don't like what you see and there is no

816
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 4: real you know, chemistry, don't drag me along, and I

817
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 4: won't drag you along. Like, let's respect each other enough

818
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 4: to say this was good, but this is not where

819
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:52,799
Speaker 4: we're going to take this any any longer. Like just

820
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:57,879
Speaker 4: really being very intentional, right, because it happens all the time, Right,

821
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 4: you meet up and you're like, oh, you know, there's

822
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 4: no chemistry, right, and you're just like, Okay, what do

823
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,479
Speaker 4: I do now? I don't want you being and living

824
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 4: in limbo. I don't want to live in limbo. I

825
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 4: don't want you dragging me along. Look, my clock is

826
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 4: sicken you know, and you know again, what's for you

827
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,919
Speaker 4: is for you. And if this isn't for me, I'm

828
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 4: very confident that God has something even more amazing in store.

829
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 4: And if I'm thinking that you're amazing and you're not it,

830
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, God is getting ready to blow my

831
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:30,919
Speaker 4: mind and I don't want to waste time.

832
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's good, and it's interesting because what I want

833
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 5: to ask you is like, prior to meeting him, you

834
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 5: had just told God you reconciled in your mind that hey,

835
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 5: I'm good, I don't need no such peace. So how

836
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 5: did that switch so quickly? I'm talking about in the

837
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 5: matter of a couple of days. You open your mind up.

838
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:51,399
Speaker 3: To meet him.

839
00:41:51,800 --> 00:41:55,240
Speaker 5: He's a pastor, yes, so that wasn't on your vision board.

840
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 5: And then you're like, I'm cool and now I meet

841
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 5: this guy. And then literally two weeks later you feel

842
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 5: God say this is your husband.

843
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:07,239
Speaker 4: I love that question because God said to me, you

844
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 4: have not because you asked not.

845
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 7: And I was like, what does that mean?

846
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 2: I do ask?

847
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:14,240
Speaker 7: I had been asking for every years?

848
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 6: What do I mean?

849
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 7: I've been asking?

850
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 12: Like?

851
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 4: And what he said to me was, you've been asking

852
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 4: for what you think I can give you and not

853
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:29,960
Speaker 4: for the desires of your heart. And so in that

854
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 4: moment he challenged me, like I'm God, but you acting

855
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 4: like I'm Bubba from next door, Like what can Buba?

856
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 7: You know? What can they give me? What can God do?

857
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 3: Like?

858
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 4: Are you afraid to ask me? And of course like

859
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 4: you think back, like you think that you're asking, but

860
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 4: you're sometimes you are short changing yourself because you're like,

861
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 4: that's not possible. People think that my standards are too high.

862
00:42:54,120 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 4: So I took a journal and I wrote down everything

863
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 4: that I could possibly think to ask, because I was like, well,

864
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 4: if God's going to challenge me, let me put it

865
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 4: on paper. He said, write it down, make a plane.

866
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 4: But what I did, though, I didn't just write what

867
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 4: I wanted. I wrote why I wanted. I wanted to

868
00:43:13,600 --> 00:43:18,600
Speaker 4: justify my reasoning. So it wasn't like, look, I asked

869
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:21,759
Speaker 4: for somebody who had, I believe agree, not because I'm bougie,

870
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 4: but because that would mean that they really valued education

871
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 4: in their life.

872
00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:28,560
Speaker 7: I even asked for somebody who was Greek. You did,

873
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 7: I sure did? Isn't that weird?

874
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 4: I wrote because I wanted someone who understood that and

875
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,920
Speaker 4: understood sort of you know the black history behind that,

876
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 4: and like you know, yeah, they might have gone to college,

877
00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:44,880
Speaker 4: but like they had to be a scholar in order

878
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,760
Speaker 4: to get into these Greek letter organizations. They believed in service.

879
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 4: You know, I wanted somebody who could play tennis because

880
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 4: I played tennis. I wanted somebody who traveled around the world.

881
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 7: I got.

882
00:43:56,120 --> 00:44:00,360
Speaker 12: So you just wanted to call no, because what do

883
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 12: they say?

884
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 4: He said, you asked not. You have not because you

885
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 4: asked not? Like, what are those things that you enjoy

886
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 4: in life? You want a partner in that? What are

887
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 4: those things that you love to do? And honestly, some

888
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:16,200
Speaker 4: of those things he didn't love to do, but he

889
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:19,359
Speaker 4: was willing to do this. It's good, right, Like some

890
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:24,000
Speaker 4: things that he enjoys. I'm like, uh, but I do

891
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 4: it because it makes him happy. And I love to

892
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 4: see the joy in his face when he's engaging in

893
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 4: those activities.

894
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 3: What does he do that you heard about?

895
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:40,800
Speaker 7: He forgive me, y'all. He loves going to HBCU football games.

896
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 3: I was in the band.

897
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 2: Marching Back Human JUPI and she loves all that too.

898
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 3: But she's like, I just.

899
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 2: I don't, I don't. It doesn't do anything for me.

900
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 7: So I love No, I love going to HBC. You

901
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 7: have time. He want to stay for the whole game, and.

902
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 4: Anybody who's gone to HBC, you know you don't go

903
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 4: for the whole game.

904
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 9: You go for a half time.

905
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 7: Like that's the show.

906
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 2: Like it's just.

907
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 3: So we compromise. She likes to ski.

908
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 2: I'm not a skier, like, I'm not scared not doing

909
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 2: so we suffer.

910
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,120
Speaker 7: It's brown people don't ski.

911
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:28,240
Speaker 1: Well that's true, just not many, not many in general.

912
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:36,000
Speaker 3: But so we make compromise. So I'm not Yeah, I'm gone.

913
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:37,200
Speaker 7: No, No, you try.

914
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:40,520
Speaker 3: I try. I did try.

915
00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 2: I did try, and I didn't necessarily like it.

916
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,800
Speaker 7: And and so.

917
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 1: Family's a learning and I just go to bars and

918
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 1: noble to wait for him to get there.

919
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 2: That he does, That's what I do.

920
00:45:56,520 --> 00:46:02,720
Speaker 4: And he does like the sleigh ride, the mobiles.

921
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:13,120
Speaker 9: Yeah, where's your favorite?

922
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,879
Speaker 8: Oh me, I snowboarded a little bit, but I fall

923
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 8: really hard. So that's not exciting because you were in

924
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 8: a lot of pain the next day.

925
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 9: But where is your favorite place to ski?

926
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 7: More recently, we like to go to where do we?

927
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 2: Park City?

928
00:46:29,280 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 4: Yeah?

929
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:31,279
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, park City?

930
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 9: Yeah yeah, yeah.

931
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 7: The kids love it. The altitude is not too high.

932
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 7: Like we went to Breckenridge.

933
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:38,840
Speaker 4: Our kids had to be helicopter hard off the mountain

934
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 4: because he was it had mountain sickness. So we have

935
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,000
Speaker 4: to find like medium type of elevation.

936
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 3: I forgot about that. Yeah, it's a.

937
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 7: Whole different world.

938
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, but they have beautiful trails, They're wide, they're long.

939
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 4: It's just I feel like it's as close to Heaven

940
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 4: that you can get out in the wilderness.

941
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 7: It's just why the beautiful snow.

942
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 5: I mean, are you out doorsy type all around? So

943
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:07,799
Speaker 5: you like beaches and forests and mountains and all.

944
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 4: That, well, not the mountains because of lions and tigers

945
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 4: and bears. Oh my god, I'm still black.

946
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 3: So you go from beaches to snow cap mountains.

947
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:25,320
Speaker 8: You have like the Black Ski Club, Yeah okay, yeah yeah.

948
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 4: So when I was younger, we used to do Black

949
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:32,239
Speaker 4: Ski Week. Yeah, oh good, you should.

950
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 7: You should.

951
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 5: You should challenging and it ain't cheap either because all

952
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 5: the all the gear and all.

953
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:41,920
Speaker 2: That's the whole different thing.

954
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 3: That's a whole different world. Yes, it's just.

955
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 5: I'm open to doing stuff. I'm gonna tell you something

956
00:47:48,280 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 5: that's really funny. Ashley has gotten me into football. Yeah,

957
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 5: you learn football, man, football. I watched the Super Bowl.

958
00:47:56,719 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 5: That's about it. That's it. I'm good and so or

959
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 5: I'll go for you know, go for the Cowboys as

960
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 5: long as they make it so you see all short that.

961
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 3: So I'd be like, what football eason over?

962
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 5: So But actually, now my algorithms on YouTube be pulling

963
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 5: up football videos. I said, I said, I forgot. She's

964
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 5: on my YouTube account. She's showing she is a fanatic

965
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,800
Speaker 5: with football. So that's something. Who do I like this

966
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 5: team that was our nemesis in the nineties.

967
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 9: The name the Niners San Francisco.

968
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:37,080
Speaker 5: It takes a lot of great pain for me to say,

969
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,120
Speaker 5: but I would have bought her adventures forty nine ers

970
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 5: pull over it.

971
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 3: Last week and I just you know, So that's one

972
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:45,759
Speaker 3: of those things.

973
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 5: I was like, I can't believe like she has me

974
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 5: in football, like this, literally in football where she whited

975
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 5: she knowing that she knows who got traded will be

976
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:58,280
Speaker 5: It was so awkward, Like we were we were dating.

977
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,439
Speaker 5: We'll be like in the Delta Land and she'll get

978
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:10,839
Speaker 5: in debates with guys about football and I'm just I'm

979
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,919
Speaker 5: just sitting there and she just letting and listen, y'all

980
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 5: traded this and so and so this and coach so

981
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 5: and so, this this.

982
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 3: I'm just sitting there looking just.

983
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 8: His friends would be making jokes about the Cowboys, and

984
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 8: I was like, you don't understand they're being disrespectful to you.

985
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 10: Right now, I'm like, this is true, Like, yeah, we

986
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:27,200
Speaker 10: do need to be better.

987
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 5: Did you watch a documentary of Jerry Jones and all

988
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 5: that on Netflix? You know, I'm talking about the film

989
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 5: side of it. She's like, you know, but she that's

990
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:39,680
Speaker 5: the thing that I have been growing accustomed to to

991
00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:41,879
Speaker 5: be trying to have these conversations with us. So it's

992
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 5: so it's so different for me to be a black

993
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 5: man in the South and you know where everything's about

994
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 5: to be, you know about football, and then here she

995
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 5: is from the West Coast, a woman, and she's like football, football, football.

996
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 3: So that's one of the things that I've been But.

997
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 4: That's love, though, right Wanting to get involved with those

998
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 4: says is that you previously had no interest in we

999
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:06,280
Speaker 4: were That's how you know's love. But I didn't think, Oh,

1000
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 4: I'm you know, la girl, la New York, Philly, Boston.

1001
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 4: Now I'm gonna move to Nashville. That wasn't in the cards.

1002
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 4: But when he asked me to marry him, I didn't

1003
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 4: think twice about moving down to Nashville.

1004
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 7: I was like, okay, let's go.

1005
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:21,240
Speaker 3: Were you still working?

1006
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 7: I was still working and you just gave up yourself.

1007
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 4: For thirty seconds, I thought, well, maybe i'll commute.

1008
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 2: But here's the true story.

1009
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:31,879
Speaker 3: It's your story.

1010
00:50:32,080 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: So I'm asking her about when she comes to Nashville,

1011
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 1: when you're come to Nashville. I hadn't proposed yet, and

1012
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 1: you know, she's obviously you know, looking at me, looking

1013
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:41,439
Speaker 1: at her finger. At the same time, I'm like, I'm

1014
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: not about to walk away from this to come to nothing.

1015
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:46,360
Speaker 2: What's what's this about?

1016
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm making phone calls.

1017
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 1: So I got a friend who's like really high up

1018
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: at Vanderbilt ahead of HR. Like I'm like, hey, I explained, Hey,

1019
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,360
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm kind of knowing any of this. Yeah,

1020
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,839
Speaker 1: I'm in love this is she is. So when they

1021
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:07,560
Speaker 1: realize who she is, I can't make this. Oh, so

1022
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: he calls the head of the whole like department hospital,

1023
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: first hospital, and then the hospital head realized who she is,

1024
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 1: calls the head of the department and says, essentially, I

1025
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: know there's no positions, but you got to make one

1026
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,840
Speaker 1: for this one. And I never said this in my

1027
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 1: whole life. What I'm getting ready to say, I've never

1028
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: in my whole life seeing this. This girl comes down,

1029
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,680
Speaker 1: They're like, essentially, here's just tell us what it would

1030
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: take for you to be here.

1031
00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:32,439
Speaker 2: What you want.

1032
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:37,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, give you that paper. She's never had to

1033
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:41,600
Speaker 1: apply for her job. It's crazy, like she's just always relationships.

1034
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: And she came to Nashals again, it goes to alignment,

1035
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: it goes to assignment, and then she walks into Vanderbilt

1036
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: and basically gets everything that she wants.

1037
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:50,120
Speaker 3: Wow.

1038
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:54,279
Speaker 9: Wow, And Vanderbilt is great. I mean obviously you we're

1039
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 9: at Harvard.

1040
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's crazy and I'm like, yeah, so that's

1041
00:51:58,680 --> 00:51:59,839
Speaker 1: why I got your job.

1042
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:00,440
Speaker 6: Wow.

1043
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 2: And now it's got the ring.

1044
00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 3: Let's go.

1045
00:52:02,360 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 2: Let's go.

1046
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 5: Wait.

1047
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,359
Speaker 9: So she got the ring, so walk us through that

1048
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:07,319
Speaker 9: time and because what.

1049
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 4: He said was are you going to move down to Nashville?

1050
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 4: You should be looking for a job. And I was like,

1051
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:12,840
Speaker 4: I don't see any evidence.

1052
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 7: Anywhere. I know that's we're not doing the case. God

1053
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 7: is God of order.

1054
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: I presented the case that was a very strong possibility,

1055
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 1: and they present the offer. I knew then it was

1056
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,320
Speaker 1: kind of happening simultaneously. And so when she got the offer,

1057
00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 1: then of course obviously the ring came right after that

1058
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: and it was rest with history.

1059
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 9: So how long was that? You knew in three weeks?

1060
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:36,279
Speaker 2: Three?

1061
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 3: I knew in three weeks.

1062
00:52:38,600 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 1: I started kind of enagling this negotiation piece somewhere around

1063
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:49,240
Speaker 1: late July early August, because that's when they the hospital

1064
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:52,319
Speaker 1: started getting new staff in July, right and so, and

1065
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 1: they didn't have any positions.

1066
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:56,400
Speaker 4: So it was also two thousand and eight when the

1067
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 4: stock market was hiring, freeze oversity stopped hiring.

1068
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 2: Wow, you got a triple diamond over here.

1069
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:08,000
Speaker 3: On a higher high.

1070
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 1: Phreeze when the market drive, Yeah, she's a triple diamond.

1071
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:14,240
Speaker 1: They called her and and uh it was just perfect

1072
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 1: and they were like wow, like she's gonna come here.

1073
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:24,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it worked out.

1074
00:53:24,120 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 8: Man.

1075
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:25,839
Speaker 2: It was like the greatest thing ever.

1076
00:53:25,920 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 3: Man.

1077
00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, we want to see her.

1078
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: See her in that space though, and to bring that

1079
00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: level of empathy that they needed, uh, and people of

1080
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,880
Speaker 1: color who were dealing with those she's a neoetologist and

1081
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 1: so you can imagine intensive care doctor for babies. You

1082
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 1: can imagine a lot of folks who come through there

1083
00:53:43,320 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: who look like us, and and other brown people and

1084
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 1: other minorities who come through. Sometimes, you know, people of

1085
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: faith need someone to kind of walk you through that

1086
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:54,799
Speaker 1: process who have a level of empathy and faith.

1087
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,200
Speaker 2: And she balanced that so perfectly. I saw her do it.

1088
00:53:57,239 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, you're so good at what you do,

1089
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 2: and like, ah, it was.

1090
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 3: Amazing, Stephanie. Would you a problem to these people while

1091
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:04,840
Speaker 3: when you were having your kids?

1092
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 7: Yes, of course, Oh my god.

1093
00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,279
Speaker 4: So the part of it is like one you're on

1094
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:17,799
Speaker 4: the other side in medicine, like you know who to

1095
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:21,880
Speaker 4: go to, like my colleagues delivered my kids, My friends

1096
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 4: delivered my kids. Like my daughter was in the operating

1097
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 4: room when my son was born, and they don't allow

1098
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:27,839
Speaker 4: kids in the.

1099
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 1: Back, dress in scrubs, like a doctor looking through them,

1100
00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 1: looking at the look look looking through the glass at everything.

1101
00:54:36,960 --> 00:54:38,920
Speaker 1: And we have a picture of it. And she's like

1102
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 1: so intrigued by her brother's being born, was six, and

1103
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: she wanted to wanted she dressed up in scrubs, put

1104
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 1: on that the scope and wanted to go to her

1105
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 1: process and watched it and like fascinating.

1106
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 2: Looking like yeah, no, did she watched it?

1107
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:55,880
Speaker 3: Watch it?

1108
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 2: Watch watched it, watched she watched it.

1109
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 3: She watched the whole.

1110
00:55:02,320 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 1: Yes, and with her grandmother up and watched and just

1111
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 1: like yeah wow.

1112
00:55:08,440 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 2: And she still she says, up and watch what's that y'all?

1113
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:17,080
Speaker 1: Watch like six seven hours a day?

1114
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 7: Yes, splash Ballerinas.

1115
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:30,520
Speaker 9: Wait, so how did you propose?

1116
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 2: So I'm in New York.

1117
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 1: I get the ring in New York, and uh, I

1118
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 1: have a I had this little little added shade not

1119
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:40,879
Speaker 1: look kind of like a little little proud of bag.

1120
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:43,080
Speaker 2: It was kind of cool, you know, and.

1121
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:44,200
Speaker 7: And I want to call it a purse.

1122
00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 2: So I took out the dinner, had all her friends

1123
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:53,319
Speaker 2: come up.

1124
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 4: It was rewind so he had he flew me down

1125
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:00,319
Speaker 4: to Atlanta. He was preaching in Atlanta. Oh yeah, And

1126
00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 4: it was maybe a day or two before my birthday.

1127
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 4: And so this is September, mind you, my birthday, September seventeenth.

1128
00:56:07,360 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 4: And we have dinner with some friends.

1129
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: She's turn at thirty three.

1130
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 7: I'm turning thirty three.

1131
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 4: We drive back home the next day and he's like, oh,

1132
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:20,040
Speaker 4: we're gonna go to lookout Mountain and Ruby Falls, which

1133
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 4: is like lookout mountains taking you to the top that

1134
00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 4: I realized in retrospect, and the Ruby Falls is going

1135
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 4: down below. So you know, he's trying to symbolize I'll

1136
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 4: take you to tap, I'll take you to be able

1137
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:32,960
Speaker 4: to be together, to the you know, until the depths

1138
00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 4: of the earth.

1139
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:36,640
Speaker 7: And then we get to his house, probably about.

1140
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,960
Speaker 4: Eleven o'clock at night, ten o'clock at night, and I'm

1141
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 4: walking through the door and there's a surprise party and

1142
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 4: all my friends and family from around the country are there.

1143
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 4: All the friends that I've met since knowing him are

1144
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:53,440
Speaker 4: in his house. And I look at the fireplace and

1145
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 4: there's thirty three gifts going up both sides of the fireplace,

1146
00:56:57,719 --> 00:56:59,400
Speaker 4: a gift for every life.

1147
00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 7: For every life.

1148
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 4: And so I'm thinking, that's you know, like that's it,

1149
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 4: Like it's bad, Like oh my gosh, like this is

1150
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 4: such a big deal. Who celebrate thirty three years? And

1151
00:57:08,760 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 4: so he just threw me a surprise party. And then

1152
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:13,799
Speaker 4: the next day we went to brunch and then we

1153
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,480
Speaker 4: went to dinner, and at dinner he.

1154
00:57:16,520 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 2: Proposed, yeah, what made you do it?

1155
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 1: The day after, not the day of? I want her

1156
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 1: birthday to be. I want to remember that birthday is

1157
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 1: separate from our engagement day.

1158
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:26,600
Speaker 3: So it was good.

1159
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, but I wanted her friends to be there though. Yeah.

1160
00:57:30,080 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 3: They stayed the next day. Oh yeah, it was.

1161
00:57:32,200 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 1: It was hilarious too, because what was I was, I was,

1162
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 1: I was pulling it out.

1163
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 3: This is so funny.

1164
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:38,959
Speaker 1: I'm pulling out I'm getting on one day and here's

1165
00:57:38,960 --> 00:57:47,640
Speaker 1: the first that's happening.

1166
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 11: I'm like, you know, will you marry me? She goes, yeah,

1167
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 11: it was the funnies.

1168
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 6: It's like.

1169
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:07,840
Speaker 7: It's all on record.

1170
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:17,680
Speaker 14: Gosh, It's like you we know that we're heading that direction,

1171
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,120
Speaker 14: but like in that moment, you're thinking three months.

1172
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,880
Speaker 4: You're not thinking, I'm thinking this is going to happen months.

1173
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 4: You know, like you're thinking, this is great, Okay, we

1174
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 4: might be engaged in a year. But everything was happening

1175
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:33,960
Speaker 4: like it felt like a year. Like when you're with

1176
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 4: someone and you get your you know them at that.

1177
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:41,400
Speaker 3: And the conversations y'all have conversations, see'll recovering ground.

1178
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,440
Speaker 5: Which I tell people is that when you're dating the

1179
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 5: right person and you're asking the right questions, you can

1180
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,200
Speaker 5: cover ground in a couple of months. That takes some

1181
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 5: people years and that's just real. And so y'all are

1182
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:54,919
Speaker 5: having those in depth conversations. And then when you look

1183
00:58:55,280 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 5: culatively the amount of hours that y'all spent on the phone,

1184
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 5: most people may not spend that amount of time talking

1185
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 5: to somebody on a weekly basis. And so when you

1186
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 5: put the hours to it, you be like, wow, we

1187
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 5: spent a year worth of hours talking to somebody.

1188
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 7: Every day for hours every day.

1189
00:59:12,480 --> 00:59:15,840
Speaker 5: Yes, And so did you have a shot clock in

1190
00:59:15,880 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 5: your mind, Stephanie that had he not proposed you in

1191
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 5: a year, two years or whatever, that you would have

1192
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 5: walked away or you just knew it was headed that way.

1193
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 7: No, I just felt that it was headed that way.

1194
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,680
Speaker 4: But you know, like again serial monogramer here, I am right.

1195
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,200
Speaker 4: You know I was in relationship for one year, two years,

1196
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:33,680
Speaker 4: five years, one really, you know what I mean? And like,

1197
00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:38,200
Speaker 4: in my mind, this was not even part of the algorithm. Yeah,

1198
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,320
Speaker 4: for this to happen in such a short period of time.

1199
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:42,720
Speaker 4: But when it's God, it's God. And it's so interesting

1200
00:59:42,760 --> 00:59:46,880
Speaker 4: because God plants seeds too. So right before I met him,

1201
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:49,840
Speaker 4: I had met like three different couples. One couple got

1202
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:53,720
Speaker 4: married in two weeks. You were married for fifty years. Wow,

1203
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 4: one couple got married and they had just met online.

1204
00:59:57,400 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 4: And this is like when online dating wasn't very popular.

1205
01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:03,800
Speaker 4: My girlfriends in the hospital, I was just like, okay, okay, Laurie,

1206
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 4: what are you trying to say? No, that's not for me, right,

1207
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:09,959
Speaker 4: But again that's when it wasn't popular, right. But then again,

1208
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 4: God is planning these seeds, like doing things that are

1209
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:18,800
Speaker 4: unconventional to get to where I God want you to be.

1210
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,240
Speaker 4: And so then in my mind, I was like, this

1211
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:25,320
Speaker 4: is going to look different, so just be open, like

1212
01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 4: whatever it is that God, that God is getting ready

1213
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 4: to do, it's going to be something that's unexpected.

1214
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 3: And you were in total surrender.

1215
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,440
Speaker 7: I was in total surrender.

1216
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:37,240
Speaker 5: You said you met somebody that had been married. They've

1217
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,479
Speaker 5: known each other for two weeks, and they've been married for.

1218
01:00:39,400 --> 01:00:43,480
Speaker 4: Fifty years plus now because that was eighteen years ago.

1219
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 3: Two weeks. And what about you, old Bishop Walker?

1220
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 5: Yes, you know you lost your wife, those those vows

1221
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 5: through sickness and and health to death, dew we part

1222
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,960
Speaker 5: and you've experienced that. How did you deal with a

1223
01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:05,960
Speaker 5: level of fear to take vows again? Knowing that you

1224
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 5: had just came out of losing your wife. Oh yeah,

1225
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 5: of course, oh yeah, oh yeah. And I think going

1226
01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:15,160
Speaker 5: through therapy helped me. Grief therapy was very, very important

1227
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 5: and for me the reason I knew again you asked

1228
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 5: earlier about accountability partners and people kind of what were

1229
01:01:24,840 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 5: their thoughts about it, and now a lot of people

1230
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:28,640
Speaker 5: who signed on and say, hey, this is this is good,

1231
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:31,680
Speaker 5: She's the one. But I believe this with all of

1232
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:36,440
Speaker 5: my heart that I felt in my spirit that my

1233
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:40,920
Speaker 5: lay wife said to me it's okay now and she

1234
01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 5: I never felt that with anybody else I dated.

1235
01:01:44,080 --> 01:01:47,240
Speaker 1: I felt that because if you knew my lay wife,

1236
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,800
Speaker 1: she was a Delta two. You knew my lay wife,

1237
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 1: she was very protective of me, and I knew that

1238
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 1: she would not I would not have the peace I

1239
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: had had not she gave me a release to say

1240
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 1: that she's the one. I trust you with her. Really,

1241
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 1: I never felt that in it. Never, never, because you know,

1242
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:12,160
Speaker 1: you live with that level of it, is it okay?

1243
01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to do you know? And I just

1244
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:17,160
Speaker 1: knew it. And that's the moment my grief pivoted to

1245
01:02:17,240 --> 01:02:19,000
Speaker 1: a place where I repositioned her in my heart and

1246
01:02:19,000 --> 01:02:22,440
Speaker 1: I knew I could love again completely this person. Yeah,

1247
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:24,960
Speaker 1: I reposist and reposition her in my heart and I

1248
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 1: could say yeah.

1249
01:02:25,840 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 5: And what about you, Stephanie, did you have any anks

1250
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 5: about marrying somebody that had been married before?

1251
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:38,480
Speaker 4: And especially of course because you coming from a family

1252
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 4: whose parents were married for so long, you think true love,

1253
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 4: my one true love? Yeah, Like do you want to

1254
01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:52,040
Speaker 4: be playing backseat to somebody for the rest of your life?

1255
01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:56,360
Speaker 4: Like will it feel like I have to fulfill someone

1256
01:02:56,360 --> 01:03:01,120
Speaker 4: else's shoes? Like how do you It's one thing to

1257
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 4: compete with the human person who's here on earth, but

1258
01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:08,200
Speaker 4: to have to compete with an entity that's not present,

1259
01:03:08,720 --> 01:03:12,200
Speaker 4: that's a different kind of pressure. Right, And then the

1260
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 4: question of can he truly love again? Is that even possible?

1261
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:18,080
Speaker 7: Right?

1262
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 4: And God dealt with me in that area, I mean,

1263
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:24,040
Speaker 4: he vas and I spoke to my pastor about this,

1264
01:03:24,080 --> 01:03:27,400
Speaker 4: because again, this is real. This isn't like something that's

1265
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:31,520
Speaker 4: make believe. I struggle with that for a minute, like, Okay,

1266
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,800
Speaker 4: you're telling me that he's been married before, Like how

1267
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 4: do I Why would I put myself in that position

1268
01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:39,680
Speaker 4: to fall in love with somebody who's already in love

1269
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:40,840
Speaker 4: with somebody else.

1270
01:03:42,360 --> 01:03:42,840
Speaker 3: That's deep.

1271
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:45,400
Speaker 5: Let me ask you this, which is a whole another

1272
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:50,720
Speaker 5: dynamic is here. It is falling into the role of

1273
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 5: first lady. I know you don't prefer that title, but

1274
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,720
Speaker 5: here it is a woman that has already been in

1275
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 5: that position. How did you feel transitioned into that and

1276
01:04:00,080 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 5: making that your own?

1277
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:15,960
Speaker 4: For me, again, many conversations about making sure that I'm

1278
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 4: showing up as myself and my fullness and my authenticity.

1279
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 4: I'm not here to take someone's spot. I'm not here

1280
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:28,680
Speaker 4: to pretend to be something that I'm not. The Only

1281
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:32,760
Speaker 4: thing that I'm best at is being myself. Take it

1282
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 4: or leave it, you know. And that was his out,

1283
01:04:37,160 --> 01:04:40,520
Speaker 4: like for real, for real, take it or leave.

1284
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:41,400
Speaker 7: It, you know.

1285
01:04:41,720 --> 01:04:44,640
Speaker 4: Like my mentality. And I'm not saying, you know, be

1286
01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 4: stubborn and stupid, but I mean, like, I'm strong willed.

1287
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:49,560
Speaker 4: I don't let people walk all over me. I don't

1288
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 4: follow the crowd. Like if the crowd's going this way,

1289
01:04:51,920 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 4: I'm that person that's like I think there's a shortcut,

1290
01:04:55,840 --> 01:04:57,920
Speaker 4: and it's worked in my life. You know. If the

1291
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 4: crowd is standing in front of the elevator, everybody stays,

1292
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,720
Speaker 4: and I'm that person that's gonna walk up and push

1293
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:05,320
Speaker 4: the button, because somebody probably forgot to push the button, you.

1294
01:05:05,360 --> 01:05:05,880
Speaker 7: Know what I mean.

1295
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 12: And so like.

1296
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:12,959
Speaker 4: Being able to talk to him about who I am

1297
01:05:13,720 --> 01:05:17,240
Speaker 4: and will he accept me? Right? And I don't know

1298
01:05:17,320 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 4: that I was necessarily concerned about the thoughts of other people.

1299
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 4: And again, you never know why God makes you and

1300
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 4: gives you the personality that you have. Like I have

1301
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 4: that personality. I don't care what people think. I don't

1302
01:05:29,760 --> 01:05:32,640
Speaker 4: know where it came from, you know, I just feel

1303
01:05:32,680 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 4: like I mean, I've kind of always been kind of bullheaded.

1304
01:05:37,080 --> 01:05:38,200
Speaker 7: I just know what.

1305
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:41,640
Speaker 4: I want and I go for it. And I know

1306
01:05:41,720 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 4: my parents have instilled in me since a young girl

1307
01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:47,600
Speaker 4: that I can do all things through Christ and I'm

1308
01:05:47,680 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 4: more than capable. And don't let anybody tell you that

1309
01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 4: you can't, because you can. That sort of mindset, and

1310
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:57,480
Speaker 4: so just being able to have those conversations with him

1311
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,880
Speaker 4: and feel calm that if.

1312
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:03,680
Speaker 7: He was okay with it, I was okay with it, right.

1313
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:06,600
Speaker 4: But again, you know, I'm a physician, I'm a nerd,

1314
01:06:06,840 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 4: so I don't I went to the bookstore and I

1315
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:11,000
Speaker 4: got every single book I could find on being the first.

1316
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:12,720
Speaker 7: Lady, what does it mean?

1317
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:15,080
Speaker 4: Like, you know, what is this like if I'm going

1318
01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:17,640
Speaker 4: to marry this person, let me study this like who,

1319
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 4: like what do they do?

1320
01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:19,280
Speaker 7: What's the role?

1321
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:22,920
Speaker 4: And what I realized is there was a certain pettigree

1322
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:27,480
Speaker 4: in terms of what people's expectations were. And I realized

1323
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:31,360
Speaker 4: that I would be different and that there's certain people

1324
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:33,600
Speaker 4: that wouldn't like it. Yeah, And I had to look

1325
01:06:33,640 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 4: myself in the mirror and ask myself, are you going

1326
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:38,360
Speaker 4: to be okay with this? And then ask him are

1327
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:40,400
Speaker 4: you going to be okay with this? Are you okay

1328
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:42,200
Speaker 4: with me being me and showing up as me and

1329
01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,400
Speaker 4: not wearing the big hats and the long dresses and

1330
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 4: the big nails, And are you okay with that?

1331
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:49,080
Speaker 7: And as long as you are, then.

1332
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:50,720
Speaker 4: We can roll, just like we would roll if we

1333
01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 4: were broke and in the you know, little studio, We're

1334
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:55,520
Speaker 4: going to roll and.

1335
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:56,479
Speaker 7: Make this our world.

1336
01:06:56,440 --> 01:06:58,480
Speaker 4: Because he used to say this thing like, you know,

1337
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:00,640
Speaker 4: I want to introduce you to my world and I

1338
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:03,160
Speaker 4: and I you know, I had to shake him of that,

1339
01:07:03,480 --> 01:07:06,080
Speaker 4: like this is not your world, Like we're coming together,

1340
01:07:06,360 --> 01:07:09,960
Speaker 4: we are creating a new world. I'm not coming to

1341
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:15,000
Speaker 4: move into your planet in orbit like we need to

1342
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:18,760
Speaker 4: make sure that whatever we're coming together, we're coming together

1343
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:21,800
Speaker 4: and well, we're building our own What.

1344
01:07:21,840 --> 01:07:25,560
Speaker 1: She did, though, was carved out, I think courageously, her

1345
01:07:25,560 --> 01:07:29,920
Speaker 1: own identity in that role that gave so many pastor's

1346
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:34,960
Speaker 1: wives freedom without her even knowing it, because there is

1347
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:38,080
Speaker 1: this template of what it's supposed to be. And she

1348
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:43,760
Speaker 1: never lost herself in me or in it, and we

1349
01:07:43,800 --> 01:07:47,160
Speaker 1: have not lost us in it. And I think that

1350
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:48,920
Speaker 1: has been and I gave a permission to do that,

1351
01:07:48,960 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 1: like be who you are. Mount Zion Church loves her.

1352
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 2: The way she is. They love Doctor's Staffy.

1353
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:57,840
Speaker 1: They couldn't imagine it any other way, in full gospel,

1354
01:07:57,880 --> 01:08:00,720
Speaker 1: the same way, and so I think it's it's it's refreshing,

1355
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:04,080
Speaker 1: particularly when people have their own careers, their own paths,

1356
01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:06,600
Speaker 1: and those things can be affirmed in the faith community

1357
01:08:06,640 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 1: and you can walk your own journey alongside your husband

1358
01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:11,080
Speaker 1: and your wife, et cetera.

1359
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:13,360
Speaker 2: I think it's just important to keep that identity.

1360
01:08:14,000 --> 01:08:16,880
Speaker 5: Was it hard for you to deconstruct those ideas in

1361
01:08:16,920 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 5: your mind?

1362
01:08:17,360 --> 01:08:20,040
Speaker 1: Absolutely not, because I'd already deconstructed those as a pastor.

1363
01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm not a typical bishop, you know, I don't walk

1364
01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:24,080
Speaker 1: around with fit the Foama bears. And I don't walk

1365
01:08:24,120 --> 01:08:26,160
Speaker 1: around with you know, I don't walk around with a

1366
01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:28,320
Speaker 1: collar a church, you know, curage your collar at the

1367
01:08:28,400 --> 01:08:28,960
Speaker 1: church picnic.

1368
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 2: You know.

1369
01:08:29,280 --> 01:08:35,120
Speaker 1: I'm just down the earth. I'm a Starbucks you know, fanatic, nerdy.

1370
01:08:36,120 --> 01:08:38,320
Speaker 1: You'll catch me every day at Starbucks and by myself,

1371
01:08:38,479 --> 01:08:41,599
Speaker 1: my had on, you know, my joys and just doing

1372
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:43,960
Speaker 1: my thing mind and my own business. People talk to me,

1373
01:08:44,080 --> 01:08:45,960
Speaker 1: not even tho I'm a pastor. I'm by them the church.

1374
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:48,440
Speaker 1: They have no idea until they get to the point.

1375
01:08:48,479 --> 01:08:50,000
Speaker 1: Know just no, miss.

1376
01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:53,320
Speaker 3: Joseph, No, not just the pastor of bishop. Well you're

1377
01:08:53,439 --> 01:08:55,719
Speaker 3: past past Yeah, that's true.

1378
01:08:56,000 --> 01:09:00,360
Speaker 1: However, I do think that again it goes to, you know,

1379
01:09:01,160 --> 01:09:04,040
Speaker 1: being able to not lose the common touch. And I

1380
01:09:04,080 --> 01:09:06,559
Speaker 1: think that place of authenticity that she lives in, that

1381
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:08,479
Speaker 1: I live in, we live in together.

1382
01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:09,759
Speaker 2: I think it's created.

1383
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,680
Speaker 1: I think the growth we see, the relationships we have,

1384
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:13,920
Speaker 1: I think that's what it's all about.

1385
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:16,200
Speaker 4: And like when you are allowed to walk in your

1386
01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 4: authenticity and you do it in front of people, that

1387
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 4: gives them the permission to do the same. And I

1388
01:09:23,960 --> 01:09:26,559
Speaker 4: think that's why we see the amazing growth that we

1389
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:32,280
Speaker 4: see around us, right, because frequently again going back Instagram generation,

1390
01:09:32,520 --> 01:09:37,479
Speaker 4: Facebook generation, like everybody's living this superficial life and nobody's happy. Yes,

1391
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,320
Speaker 4: you know, you got all these friends, but lonely, yes, right,

1392
01:09:41,360 --> 01:09:44,360
Speaker 4: because nobody really knows you when you're able to operate

1393
01:09:45,040 --> 01:09:49,840
Speaker 4: in your ugly right and you're imperfection and be okay

1394
01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:52,400
Speaker 4: with it, truly okay, and not just have a fake smile,

1395
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 4: but a real authentic smile is shining from the inside. Okay, Yeah, okay, yet, no,

1396
01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:02,120
Speaker 4: my legs aren't perfect. No, this isn't and I'm okay

1397
01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,920
Speaker 4: with it. Yeah, and I hope you're okay. And if

1398
01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:07,920
Speaker 4: you're not, guess what I'm okay?

1399
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:09,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah.

1400
01:10:09,960 --> 01:10:10,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1401
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:12,839
Speaker 5: Let me ask you this because people may not even

1402
01:10:13,080 --> 01:10:15,680
Speaker 5: you know, they hear me call you a bishop. But

1403
01:10:16,160 --> 01:10:19,479
Speaker 5: explain what a bishop is and explain the office in

1404
01:10:19,520 --> 01:10:20,519
Speaker 5: which you preside over.

1405
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:21,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1406
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:25,559
Speaker 1: So, bishop is simply a consecrated pastor in the Lord's

1407
01:10:25,640 --> 01:10:28,439
Speaker 1: Church and they serve a variety of roles. Bishop is

1408
01:10:28,479 --> 01:10:32,559
Speaker 1: simply a pastor's pastor. And for me, uh, you know,

1409
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:36,919
Speaker 1: I'm the bishop firstly of the Mount Zion Church Nashville, Tennessee.

1410
01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:40,800
Speaker 1: But I'm presiding Bishop of Full Gospel International, which means

1411
01:10:40,800 --> 01:10:45,280
Speaker 1: I oversee hundreds of churches around the world and hundreds

1412
01:10:45,280 --> 01:10:48,040
Speaker 1: of bishops and pastors, et cetera. So as presiding bishop,

1413
01:10:48,120 --> 01:10:51,519
Speaker 1: you oversee the bishops who oversee the pastors and et cetera.

1414
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:54,559
Speaker 1: And so, uh, it's a it's a great mantle, it's

1415
01:10:54,560 --> 01:10:59,040
Speaker 1: a heavy mantle. But more importantly, I think it's just

1416
01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:02,960
Speaker 1: important to reckonize that responsibility that wave re choirs. I

1417
01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:05,960
Speaker 1: think someone to walk alongside you who understands it, you know,

1418
01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:06,920
Speaker 1: can help you carry it.

1419
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:09,840
Speaker 5: So no one would ever believe that the way you

1420
01:11:09,920 --> 01:11:12,920
Speaker 5: just carried yourself, how cool and chill you are, then

1421
01:11:13,240 --> 01:11:15,160
Speaker 5: you oversee all these churches.

1422
01:11:15,320 --> 01:11:18,120
Speaker 3: That's the reason why I want to say that, like

1423
01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:23,320
Speaker 3: hold on full of God. What that mind has been

1424
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:25,759
Speaker 3: shovel right now? Especially say full Gospel.

1425
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,080
Speaker 1: Just God be Joseph. I tell you to go to stars,

1426
01:11:28,439 --> 01:11:33,240
Speaker 1: go to star to star Bucks, go to Starbucks. I

1427
01:11:33,280 --> 01:11:37,360
Speaker 1: go Starbucks, Ashley, star Bus and.

1428
01:11:37,240 --> 01:11:38,160
Speaker 3: People, what's your name?

1429
01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:40,680
Speaker 1: I don't be like Bishop Joseph, want to walk in

1430
01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:44,840
Speaker 1: the therapyst that don't fit on the cup. Joseph fits

1431
01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:49,200
Speaker 1: on the cup. Apostle, So don't hit on the cup.

1432
01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:51,840
Speaker 1: God never said you're gonna make your title grade.

1433
01:11:51,880 --> 01:11:54,800
Speaker 3: You say you make your name great, name, make your

1434
01:11:55,040 --> 01:11:57,400
Speaker 3: name great. I'm gonna tell you this.

1435
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:00,920
Speaker 5: As we was getting were looking at venues to get

1436
01:12:00,960 --> 01:12:04,439
Speaker 5: married at in Los Angeles, and they were walking what

1437
01:12:04,720 --> 01:12:08,240
Speaker 5: church was at West Angeles? Were at West Angels was

1438
01:12:08,240 --> 01:12:10,640
Speaker 5: walking and and and I walked on the stage or

1439
01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:12,400
Speaker 5: whatever to look at the place. And I was like,

1440
01:12:13,080 --> 01:12:14,639
Speaker 5: I actually come up here. You said you can't walk

1441
01:12:14,720 --> 01:12:16,880
Speaker 5: up on the stage. How you think gonna get married

1442
01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:20,920
Speaker 5: up here? I mean, but normally had to give you

1443
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:32,519
Speaker 5: permission to walk up. I said, Lord, so there's no

1444
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:38,920
Speaker 5: way she's gonna call you Joseph College Bishop Joseph. That's

1445
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:42,519
Speaker 5: a compromise you'll make. Y'all wrote this amazing book called

1446
01:12:42,640 --> 01:12:44,439
Speaker 5: Becoming a Couple of Destiny.

1447
01:12:44,880 --> 01:12:47,920
Speaker 3: What is the heart of this book? The co authored

1448
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:49,160
Speaker 3: this together. This is exactly right.

1449
01:12:49,240 --> 01:12:51,439
Speaker 1: We wrote it in separate rooms and all kind of

1450
01:12:51,439 --> 01:12:54,880
Speaker 1: a line together. Essentially, the premise of the book is

1451
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:58,680
Speaker 1: that we recognize that God brings two people together for

1452
01:12:58,800 --> 01:13:02,080
Speaker 1: purposes greater than him saying yes, and that actually that

1453
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:06,520
Speaker 1: purpose leads to destiny. And when you understand destiny and destination?

1454
01:13:07,120 --> 01:13:09,599
Speaker 1: What is the destination that God has for your life?

1455
01:13:10,360 --> 01:13:14,400
Speaker 1: God doesn't bring people together because he is attempting to.

1456
01:13:16,080 --> 01:13:17,639
Speaker 3: Merge two lives.

1457
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:20,840
Speaker 2: He's allowing two histories to collide.

1458
01:13:21,120 --> 01:13:26,519
Speaker 1: And it's that those two historical realities colliding, I think

1459
01:13:26,520 --> 01:13:31,120
Speaker 1: in that whole place, that's a beautiful tapestry of why

1460
01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:34,479
Speaker 1: God has brought you together because your story, my story

1461
01:13:34,560 --> 01:13:37,120
Speaker 1: matters toward destiny.

1462
01:13:36,680 --> 01:13:38,400
Speaker 7: And they compliment each other each other.

1463
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:40,800
Speaker 3: How was that writing a book together? He said, y'all

1464
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:41,760
Speaker 3: wrote in separate.

1465
01:13:41,479 --> 01:13:43,439
Speaker 4: Rooms, and it came It was interesting because we had

1466
01:13:43,439 --> 01:13:47,080
Speaker 4: the idea to write the book right after, shortly after

1467
01:13:47,080 --> 01:13:50,080
Speaker 4: we got married, because we came from such divergent lives,

1468
01:13:50,080 --> 01:13:53,800
Speaker 4: and people kept asking like, how did this happen? You know,

1469
01:13:54,280 --> 01:13:57,719
Speaker 4: and more importantly, how is it working? Because it's clearly

1470
01:13:57,760 --> 01:14:01,120
Speaker 4: working right, And we just said, like, what are some

1471
01:14:01,240 --> 01:14:03,800
Speaker 4: of the top top are the major topics that all

1472
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,559
Speaker 4: have have come up in our relationship and we just

1473
01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:08,840
Speaker 4: listened to them, and I said, you know, well, it'd

1474
01:14:08,840 --> 01:14:10,639
Speaker 4: be funny if we just went in our own direction

1475
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:14,880
Speaker 4: and went by ourselves and wrote, you know, And when

1476
01:14:14,880 --> 01:14:17,519
Speaker 4: we came back, we ended up actually writing about the

1477
01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:23,760
Speaker 4: same exact instances, but from two different persons. And so

1478
01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:28,040
Speaker 4: it's like he said, she said, almost of the same

1479
01:14:29,920 --> 01:14:31,919
Speaker 4: events in our marriage.

1480
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:35,719
Speaker 1: How we were raised, you know, her being from Los Angeles,

1481
01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:38,800
Speaker 1: me being from Shreeport, Louisiana, Southern, being raised in a

1482
01:14:38,880 --> 01:14:41,919
Speaker 1: Southern household, the role of me, and how we understood

1483
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:43,920
Speaker 1: theo of women, and how she understood that growing up,

1484
01:14:43,920 --> 01:14:48,320
Speaker 1: and how those worlds collided, how we process, you know, challenges,

1485
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:51,840
Speaker 1: and how do we to a tight people function in

1486
01:14:51,880 --> 01:14:54,799
Speaker 1: the same place. You know, this proverbial tennis match. Sometimes

1487
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:58,120
Speaker 1: when you're having a conversation, proverbial ping poem, we call it,

1488
01:14:58,280 --> 01:15:00,120
Speaker 1: you know, every argument.

1489
01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:04,800
Speaker 3: People, Yeah, you know so.

1490
01:15:05,360 --> 01:15:06,720
Speaker 2: And then, of course one of the things she said

1491
01:15:06,720 --> 01:15:08,160
Speaker 2: so often, do you want to be righted? Do you

1492
01:15:08,200 --> 01:15:09,040
Speaker 2: want to be married?

1493
01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:10,240
Speaker 3: Right?

1494
01:15:10,520 --> 01:15:12,000
Speaker 2: And so all of those things are.

1495
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,680
Speaker 4: Giving each other space and grace to be ourselves and

1496
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:17,559
Speaker 4: not being swallowed in the vortex of someone else's shadow

1497
01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:19,320
Speaker 4: in terms of everything that they're doing.

1498
01:15:20,680 --> 01:15:22,439
Speaker 5: And you want to be righted? Do you want to

1499
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:24,479
Speaker 5: be married? That's it, let's name of your next book.

1500
01:15:25,600 --> 01:15:30,800
Speaker 5: We'll take it your next book. You want to be writed?

1501
01:15:30,840 --> 01:15:32,720
Speaker 5: Do you want to be married? That is a New

1502
01:15:32,800 --> 01:15:35,360
Speaker 5: York Times best that type of just spoke to me.

1503
01:15:38,840 --> 01:15:40,800
Speaker 5: It is you want to be righted? Do you want

1504
01:15:40,800 --> 01:15:42,439
Speaker 5: to be married? Everybody needs that.

1505
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:43,400
Speaker 3: Uh.

1506
01:15:43,760 --> 01:15:47,200
Speaker 5: They're having an amazing YouTube channel and you also have

1507
01:15:47,360 --> 01:15:48,559
Speaker 5: do y'all call it a podcast?

1508
01:15:48,560 --> 01:15:49,360
Speaker 3: Is just a YouTube show?

1509
01:15:49,439 --> 01:15:50,320
Speaker 2: The podcast?

1510
01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:53,639
Speaker 1: Now we're excited about YouTube channel and it's a podcast

1511
01:15:53,680 --> 01:15:56,280
Speaker 1: ideation that as you know, and we're excited about it.

1512
01:15:56,360 --> 01:15:57,360
Speaker 3: Come down YouTube channel.

1513
01:15:57,560 --> 01:16:02,320
Speaker 1: There you go, a couple of destiny, couple of dusk life,

1514
01:16:02,560 --> 01:16:03,400
Speaker 1: journey our truth.

1515
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:04,120
Speaker 3: There it is.

1516
01:16:04,320 --> 01:16:08,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, And like you always say, don't don't shock what us.

1517
01:16:08,080 --> 01:16:09,640
Speaker 3: Come subscribe, comescribe.

1518
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:14,559
Speaker 5: I'm gonna put a link in the description. I need

1519
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:18,360
Speaker 5: y'all to go over and subscribe. Subscribe. I got a

1520
01:16:18,479 --> 01:16:21,360
Speaker 5: chance to hang out at their house. I love how

1521
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:25,280
Speaker 5: how informable podcast is. It's just you get a chance

1522
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:27,880
Speaker 5: to just meet them, just like y'all hearing them right now.

1523
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:31,120
Speaker 5: Be very relatable, so cool, and that's what I love

1524
01:16:31,160 --> 01:16:34,439
Speaker 5: about y'all. Y'all able to drop wisdom, drop gyms, drop

1525
01:16:34,600 --> 01:16:38,519
Speaker 5: years of this, eighteen years of marriage, and it doesn't

1526
01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:41,680
Speaker 5: feel like you're talking at somebody or preaching at them.

1527
01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:43,760
Speaker 5: That's why people are going to be so amazed, like,

1528
01:16:43,800 --> 01:16:46,680
Speaker 5: Holy Bishop Daby, what it's just gonna mess their mind up,

1529
01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:48,519
Speaker 5: because that's what it was. When I first met y'all,

1530
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:51,840
Speaker 5: I was looking on the standings, said what like it

1531
01:16:51,920 --> 01:16:54,400
Speaker 5: made my brain be like, I like them, I need

1532
01:16:54,400 --> 01:16:57,280
Speaker 5: them on my podcast. I like them because that's what

1533
01:16:57,320 --> 01:17:00,519
Speaker 5: I look for, is authentic people. And out of how

1534
01:17:00,640 --> 01:17:05,800
Speaker 5: big God takes y'all, y'all steal Steph and Joseph and

1535
01:17:05,920 --> 01:17:08,720
Speaker 5: I and I absolutely admire that. So make sure y'all

1536
01:17:08,800 --> 01:17:11,800
Speaker 5: run out go to should they get the book on

1537
01:17:11,880 --> 01:17:14,160
Speaker 5: Amazon website, Joseph Walker.

1538
01:17:13,920 --> 01:17:17,360
Speaker 2: Three dot org. Get that book, Go to joseph org.

1539
01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:20,280
Speaker 1: That's our website, and you can obviously get all of

1540
01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:22,280
Speaker 1: our other books things out there that that are there

1541
01:17:22,479 --> 01:17:24,000
Speaker 1: and know how to connect with us.

1542
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:26,360
Speaker 5: He said, all their books, because I ain't just one,

1543
01:17:26,400 --> 01:17:28,800
Speaker 5: ain't wrote one. Look, I'm just still on my my

1544
01:17:28,840 --> 01:17:29,280
Speaker 5: one book.

1545
01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:30,240
Speaker 3: But it's a great book. Though.

1546
01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:34,960
Speaker 1: How many books you got, well, i've been fourteen, fourteen fourteen.

1547
01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:37,240
Speaker 1: We're working on our second book together of that, so

1548
01:17:37,360 --> 01:17:38,320
Speaker 1: we're excited.

1549
01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:41,760
Speaker 5: So fourteen, yes, sir man, I'm proud of it. Man,

1550
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:46,160
Speaker 5: you actually have created a really big book club. You

1551
01:17:46,160 --> 01:17:47,960
Speaker 5: have a huge book club by one people.

1552
01:17:48,120 --> 01:17:48,320
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1553
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:50,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, that book club has over over six hundred people.

1554
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:54,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we've it's been a blessing and uh, you

1555
01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:58,479
Speaker 1: know we've had authors on from PJ. Morton and Ricky

1556
01:17:58,520 --> 01:18:01,719
Speaker 1: Smile and Oprah's been on two three times. And guess what, y'all,

1557
01:18:01,840 --> 01:18:05,280
Speaker 1: guess what terrors in Nashville coming on to talk about

1558
01:18:05,320 --> 01:18:06,080
Speaker 1: their new books.

1559
01:18:06,360 --> 01:18:08,160
Speaker 3: Were so excited.

1560
01:18:07,880 --> 01:18:08,920
Speaker 2: Feature in y'all's book.

1561
01:18:09,960 --> 01:18:12,360
Speaker 1: You're going to join the book club text book club,

1562
01:18:12,439 --> 01:18:15,040
Speaker 1: the seven eight to two eight, Yes, you can say

1563
01:18:15,040 --> 01:18:16,720
Speaker 1: it again, text bookok Club.

1564
01:18:16,520 --> 01:18:18,600
Speaker 2: To seven eight to two eight, that's what you do.

1565
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:21,479
Speaker 1: And you could join it's called Next Level Leader book

1566
01:18:21,560 --> 01:18:24,720
Speaker 1: Club and it's Astay book Club. It's by Zoom and

1567
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:27,280
Speaker 1: we have some great books that we're doing that dope.

1568
01:18:27,280 --> 01:18:28,840
Speaker 3: But you hear your job, you know open being on

1569
01:18:28,880 --> 01:18:29,599
Speaker 3: there about three.

1570
01:18:29,479 --> 01:18:35,040
Speaker 8: Times three three times, three times.

1571
01:18:36,160 --> 01:18:42,400
Speaker 9: It's a small.

1572
01:18:42,680 --> 01:18:45,759
Speaker 3: That's talk about. The conference is normally take place.

1573
01:18:46,040 --> 01:18:48,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so we have a relationship conference is gonna

1574
01:18:48,040 --> 01:18:51,639
Speaker 1: take place in June, and uh go to Mount Zion

1575
01:18:51,760 --> 01:18:55,280
Speaker 1: Nashville dot org mt ZI Nashville dot org for more information.

1576
01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:58,200
Speaker 1: You'll see it posted somewhere probably around April or so

1577
01:18:58,320 --> 01:19:00,519
Speaker 1: we'll be talking about that, and of course these wonderful

1578
01:19:00,520 --> 01:19:03,320
Speaker 1: people will be a part of that relationship conference and

1579
01:19:03,400 --> 01:19:05,599
Speaker 1: we'll be doing some time with them and big books

1580
01:19:05,600 --> 01:19:07,519
Speaker 1: signing and all of that. So we're a waking all

1581
01:19:07,560 --> 01:19:10,599
Speaker 1: of Nashville, all surrounding areas. If you're in Memphis, wherever

1582
01:19:10,640 --> 01:19:12,360
Speaker 1: you are, if you're driving distance, you got to make

1583
01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:14,200
Speaker 1: it to this relationship conference. We've done a couple of

1584
01:19:14,200 --> 01:19:17,000
Speaker 1: destiny conference for years, and now we're doing a relationship

1585
01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:20,599
Speaker 1: conference making the single folks together also, and all the folks,

1586
01:19:20,680 --> 01:19:23,679
Speaker 1: whatever your relationship status is, it can be a part

1587
01:19:23,720 --> 01:19:24,000
Speaker 1: of it.

1588
01:19:24,280 --> 01:19:27,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's June fifth, that's.

1589
01:19:27,120 --> 01:19:32,200
Speaker 2: Exactly right, that weekend. Yes, yes, you're ready. We are ready.

1590
01:19:31,600 --> 01:19:33,720
Speaker 7: We're ready when I.

1591
01:19:33,400 --> 01:19:35,800
Speaker 5: Actually step into this, you know, being able to be

1592
01:19:35,840 --> 01:19:38,799
Speaker 5: at these live events because everybody knows actually real private

1593
01:19:38,840 --> 01:19:40,879
Speaker 5: but they see her coming more into herself.

1594
01:19:40,920 --> 01:19:44,160
Speaker 3: She's amazing, she does, she does a phenomenal job. So I.

1595
01:19:47,479 --> 01:19:52,759
Speaker 5: Sued, I'll tell you I chose wrong, but you're amazing.

1596
01:19:52,840 --> 01:19:54,880
Speaker 5: Like that's one thing. But I saw that in her

1597
01:19:55,000 --> 01:19:56,760
Speaker 5: from day one, you know what I'm saying. I was like,

1598
01:19:56,920 --> 01:20:00,519
Speaker 5: she's great, and she's more apprehensive because she's an overthinker.

1599
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:02,679
Speaker 3: But she's just great. She's just she's great.

1600
01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:06,599
Speaker 5: And so you know, you can say I'm biased, but

1601
01:20:06,840 --> 01:20:10,040
Speaker 5: I'm really not. You know, you're really, really phenomenally easy.

1602
01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:11,759
Speaker 4: To shine when you have the right person by your side.

1603
01:20:12,280 --> 01:20:15,920
Speaker 4: You men have the right support, You have a phenomenal cheerleader.

1604
01:20:16,560 --> 01:20:20,240
Speaker 8: And so yeah, whenever I get nervous, just look into

1605
01:20:20,320 --> 01:20:20,799
Speaker 8: his eyes.

1606
01:20:20,840 --> 01:20:26,200
Speaker 7: Exactly see there you go. I love your love.

1607
01:20:27,439 --> 01:20:30,120
Speaker 3: That's my heart. Man, it's a trip. We both got l.

1608
01:20:30,080 --> 01:20:38,000
Speaker 7: A girls, and he's still smiling.

1609
01:20:39,240 --> 01:20:42,360
Speaker 2: We have a mantra. We have a mantra. We believe

1610
01:20:42,400 --> 01:20:43,360
Speaker 2: that you put it in the book.

1611
01:20:43,400 --> 01:20:45,599
Speaker 1: We talk about her in our YouTube channel, and uh,

1612
01:20:45,720 --> 01:20:48,080
Speaker 1: I think it kind of is a summation of you

1613
01:20:48,120 --> 01:20:51,519
Speaker 1: guys relationship. And I was as well managed la women right,

1614
01:20:52,000 --> 01:20:53,040
Speaker 1: she'll finish your statement.

1615
01:20:53,080 --> 01:20:57,240
Speaker 7: Watch what you are looking for is looking for you.

1616
01:21:00,120 --> 01:21:05,759
Speaker 3: What you are looking for is look for you. That's good.

1617
01:21:02,880 --> 01:21:05,040
Speaker 2: That's good.

1618
01:21:06,120 --> 01:21:10,799
Speaker 5: Why because you know what, so in these singles threes,

1619
01:21:10,840 --> 01:21:14,120
Speaker 5: you're you're feeling like you're looking for something that's just

1620
01:21:14,240 --> 01:21:15,120
Speaker 5: not out there.

1621
01:21:16,479 --> 01:21:18,960
Speaker 1: Running from you, like you like you pursue of something

1622
01:21:18,960 --> 01:21:22,200
Speaker 1: that find it, But but it's actually looking for you

1623
01:21:23,000 --> 01:21:25,960
Speaker 1: and when it, when you find it, you know it. Yeah,

1624
01:21:26,160 --> 01:21:27,759
Speaker 1: that's that's what That's why I took.

1625
01:21:27,640 --> 01:21:29,559
Speaker 2: Three I knew it three weeks.

1626
01:21:29,600 --> 01:21:30,080
Speaker 3: I knew it.

1627
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:31,280
Speaker 2: You were looking for me.

1628
01:21:31,640 --> 01:21:32,439
Speaker 3: You were looking for me.

1629
01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:36,320
Speaker 2: And so Eve wakes up and Adam says.

1630
01:21:37,080 --> 01:21:39,599
Speaker 3: You are bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.

1631
01:21:39,640 --> 01:21:41,040
Speaker 2: All this time we've been.

1632
01:21:41,400 --> 01:21:45,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, man, I always said that, you know you want

1633
01:21:45,160 --> 01:21:47,599
Speaker 5: your answered prayer. There's the prayers that you are praying,

1634
01:21:47,680 --> 01:21:50,759
Speaker 5: and then you meet that person, you're their answer prayer

1635
01:21:50,800 --> 01:21:53,840
Speaker 5: and vice versa. You want, so, I just want this

1636
01:21:53,960 --> 01:21:58,360
Speaker 5: to be encouragement to singles out there. You know you're

1637
01:21:58,360 --> 01:22:01,559
Speaker 5: growing weary and you're well doing. Says, do not grow weary,

1638
01:22:01,720 --> 01:22:05,080
Speaker 5: and you're well doing for in due season, you shall

1639
01:22:05,080 --> 01:22:07,800
Speaker 5: reap if you faint, not in due season. And so

1640
01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:11,519
Speaker 5: your due season is coming and it's going to all

1641
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:14,639
Speaker 5: make sense. I remember Askal and I when we were dating.

1642
01:22:14,760 --> 01:22:15,639
Speaker 3: She said that.

1643
01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:20,559
Speaker 5: It all makes sense while all those other relationships didn't

1644
01:22:20,600 --> 01:22:23,360
Speaker 5: work out. And I said the same thing, it all

1645
01:22:23,400 --> 01:22:26,400
Speaker 5: makes sense. And Steph, you said this about the relationship

1646
01:22:26,479 --> 01:22:29,720
Speaker 5: using five years a year here, two years, been in

1647
01:22:29,760 --> 01:22:33,760
Speaker 5: all these relationships and then quote unquote giving up and said,

1648
01:22:33,800 --> 01:22:37,160
Speaker 5: I don't want to put a lipstick on again and

1649
01:22:37,240 --> 01:22:39,679
Speaker 5: waste my time. I don't want to put another pair

1650
01:22:39,680 --> 01:22:42,840
Speaker 5: of heels on and waste gas going on another date

1651
01:22:43,040 --> 01:22:45,920
Speaker 5: and waste my time. And then you look past all

1652
01:22:46,040 --> 01:22:48,920
Speaker 5: that and see where God has brought you eighteen years

1653
01:22:48,960 --> 01:22:52,160
Speaker 5: married to this covenant partners, all the great exploits that

1654
01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:54,040
Speaker 5: you have done, the souls that have been brought to

1655
01:22:54,080 --> 01:22:57,800
Speaker 5: the kingdom because of this united mayorage that y'all have,

1656
01:22:58,320 --> 01:23:01,320
Speaker 5: and you say, oh, it all made sense.

1657
01:23:01,640 --> 01:23:02,519
Speaker 3: It all made sense.

1658
01:23:03,280 --> 01:23:07,160
Speaker 5: So here's a part of the podcast, the first five,

1659
01:23:07,320 --> 01:23:10,679
Speaker 5: well the first ten seasons of the Dear Future Wifey Podcast.

1660
01:23:10,760 --> 01:23:13,479
Speaker 5: I wrote a letter to my future Wifey and now

1661
01:23:14,080 --> 01:23:16,760
Speaker 5: we created the Keys of Love, ashley Na. And so

1662
01:23:16,800 --> 01:23:18,679
Speaker 5: if you open up that box, there will be a

1663
01:23:18,720 --> 01:23:22,320
Speaker 5: piece of paper a key, and you can just grab

1664
01:23:22,360 --> 01:23:24,000
Speaker 5: the whole box and y'all can both write on it.

1665
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:26,000
Speaker 5: But I want y'all to write.

1666
01:23:25,680 --> 01:23:30,080
Speaker 3: A key to love. Give her one, and you.

1667
01:23:30,120 --> 01:23:34,479
Speaker 5: Take another, grab that that sharpie and write some nugget

1668
01:23:34,520 --> 01:23:38,320
Speaker 5: that you want to leave on that wall as a

1669
01:23:38,400 --> 01:23:41,880
Speaker 5: key to love. Actually, what you think about this? What

1670
01:23:41,920 --> 01:23:43,240
Speaker 5: do you think about this episode?

1671
01:23:43,960 --> 01:23:46,559
Speaker 9: Well, you know, I love them. Well, we left Dashville.

1672
01:23:46,600 --> 01:23:47,719
Speaker 9: I said, can we go back?

1673
01:23:48,200 --> 01:23:50,000
Speaker 3: No, You're like, can we keep them, like we can

1674
01:23:50,040 --> 01:23:52,439
Speaker 3: take them home or something? Can we keep them? Say,

1675
01:23:52,760 --> 01:23:54,479
Speaker 3: these are grown folks, we can't take them home with

1676
01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:55,160
Speaker 3: I know their.

1677
01:23:55,080 --> 01:24:00,720
Speaker 8: Kids meet them, but it's a blessing to see them.

1678
01:24:00,760 --> 01:24:02,839
Speaker 8: I thought we were gonna have to wait much longer.

1679
01:24:04,800 --> 01:24:08,000
Speaker 8: Doctor Steph. Being from La, she's a Delta, she's my

1680
01:24:08,040 --> 01:24:14,720
Speaker 8: big sister. So I just felt like, you know, meeting her.

1681
01:24:13,880 --> 01:24:15,760
Speaker 9: I'm like, I got a blessing. I didn't even know,

1682
01:24:15,840 --> 01:24:17,640
Speaker 9: Like you told me we're going to Bishop's house. I

1683
01:24:17,640 --> 01:24:18,599
Speaker 9: didn't realize I.

1684
01:24:18,600 --> 01:24:19,559
Speaker 6: Was gonna you know.

1685
01:24:19,600 --> 01:24:21,960
Speaker 8: So that was the that was the icing on the

1686
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:24,679
Speaker 8: cake for me. So I'm so happy that they came

1687
01:24:24,760 --> 01:24:26,360
Speaker 8: down here to spend today with us.

1688
01:24:26,439 --> 01:24:28,680
Speaker 5: What was something about the episode that spoke to you

1689
01:24:28,720 --> 01:24:29,880
Speaker 5: the most, the.

1690
01:24:29,880 --> 01:24:32,920
Speaker 8: Last part about what you were just saying about what

1691
01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:36,719
Speaker 8: I said to you and everything else not working out,

1692
01:24:38,400 --> 01:24:45,200
Speaker 8: and and why God just how intentional God is that

1693
01:24:45,240 --> 01:24:49,120
Speaker 8: he'll allow you to go through a season, but he

1694
01:24:49,320 --> 01:24:55,400
Speaker 8: has He doesn't make mistakes, and so he will produce

1695
01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:59,160
Speaker 8: for you your husband. You just go through these seasons

1696
01:24:59,400 --> 01:25:02,080
Speaker 8: to row into the person that God wants you to

1697
01:25:02,120 --> 01:25:03,200
Speaker 8: be in covenant.

1698
01:25:03,720 --> 01:25:04,240
Speaker 3: Y'all read it.

1699
01:25:04,680 --> 01:25:06,479
Speaker 5: So pull the microphone close to your mouth, if you will,

1700
01:25:06,600 --> 01:25:08,120
Speaker 5: please and read your quote.

1701
01:25:08,160 --> 01:25:10,519
Speaker 3: Yea, y'all signed your name at the bottom. Yes, perfect, Yes,

1702
01:25:10,560 --> 01:25:11,000
Speaker 3: all right.

1703
01:25:12,760 --> 01:25:16,360
Speaker 4: So I said, give your spouse the space and grace

1704
01:25:16,400 --> 01:25:18,920
Speaker 4: to grow and learn to forgive.

1705
01:25:19,439 --> 01:25:24,000
Speaker 3: Learn to forgive. Why is this important, the growth and.

1706
01:25:23,960 --> 01:25:28,639
Speaker 4: The forgiveness Because marriage is not static. It's a journey.

1707
01:25:28,680 --> 01:25:34,280
Speaker 4: It's not an event. The person that you married is

1708
01:25:34,280 --> 01:25:37,240
Speaker 4: not going to be the same person five, ten, fifteen,

1709
01:25:37,280 --> 01:25:39,800
Speaker 4: twenty years from the day that you married them. And

1710
01:25:39,840 --> 01:25:42,280
Speaker 4: so by giving them the space and grace to grow,

1711
01:25:42,479 --> 01:25:45,160
Speaker 4: that gives them the space and grace to make mistakes,

1712
01:25:45,280 --> 01:25:47,760
Speaker 4: to stumble, to fall, to note that you're still going

1713
01:25:47,800 --> 01:25:50,360
Speaker 4: to be there to pick them up if necessary, that

1714
01:25:50,400 --> 01:25:52,439
Speaker 4: you're not going to run because they make a mistake

1715
01:25:52,560 --> 01:25:55,479
Speaker 4: or they have a misstep. And then learn to forgive,

1716
01:25:56,160 --> 01:26:01,480
Speaker 4: you know, because people are people and people will make mistakes.

1717
01:26:02,600 --> 01:26:05,000
Speaker 4: But you also have to learn to like love them

1718
01:26:05,040 --> 01:26:07,759
Speaker 4: through those mistakes, right, and that creates the safe space

1719
01:26:08,120 --> 01:26:09,360
Speaker 4: for them to do the same for you.

1720
01:26:09,800 --> 01:26:11,120
Speaker 3: It's good. Yeah, good.

1721
01:26:11,479 --> 01:26:14,400
Speaker 1: I reiterated what I said on what you're looking for

1722
01:26:15,320 --> 01:26:17,640
Speaker 1: is look at the year because I want to memorialize that,

1723
01:26:19,160 --> 01:26:22,439
Speaker 1: because I wanted people to really know that it's okay

1724
01:26:22,479 --> 01:26:25,680
Speaker 1: to look and believe that what you're looking for you'll find.

1725
01:26:26,720 --> 01:26:28,960
Speaker 7: And don't compromise, and don't compromise.

1726
01:26:29,200 --> 01:26:33,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, all right, well y'all go hanging on those empty

1727
01:26:33,479 --> 01:26:34,519
Speaker 5: wrongs up there.

1728
01:26:36,240 --> 01:26:38,200
Speaker 9: What was your favorite part of the episode?

1729
01:26:38,200 --> 01:26:39,320
Speaker 3: Big man?

1730
01:26:40,960 --> 01:26:43,360
Speaker 5: You know, I love intentionality. I love it when people

1731
01:26:43,840 --> 01:26:45,920
Speaker 5: right at the top right there. Yeah, I love when

1732
01:26:45,920 --> 01:26:48,679
Speaker 5: people are intentional. I love that both of them knew

1733
01:26:48,760 --> 01:26:52,120
Speaker 5: that they were each other's person early on, you know,

1734
01:26:52,280 --> 01:26:54,639
Speaker 5: two weeks and three weeks without even beating each other

1735
01:26:54,720 --> 01:26:57,840
Speaker 5: face to face. They knew just from conversation. I believe

1736
01:26:57,920 --> 01:27:00,120
Speaker 5: so much growth can take place, so much learn and

1737
01:27:00,160 --> 01:27:03,320
Speaker 5: it can take place just in conversation, and so just

1738
01:27:03,400 --> 01:27:05,120
Speaker 5: meeting each other face to face was the.

1739
01:27:05,479 --> 01:27:10,439
Speaker 3: Icing on the cake. So I really enjoyed that. May

1740
01:27:10,520 --> 01:27:13,960
Speaker 3: the love you share today outlived the season you're in.

1741
01:27:14,479 --> 01:27:17,200
Speaker 8: Matt carry you through the days when words are few

1742
01:27:17,520 --> 01:27:19,360
Speaker 8: and faith has to do the talking.

1743
01:27:20,000 --> 01:27:21,600
Speaker 3: Thank y'all so much. I'll give it up for the

1744
01:27:21,640 --> 01:27:22,400
Speaker 3: walk of both.

1745
01:27:24,400 --> 01:27:29,479
Speaker 5: Ladarian thrusted suddenly into child Protective Services in twenty fifteen,

1746
01:27:30,120 --> 01:27:34,759
Speaker 5: my nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

1747
01:27:34,800 --> 01:27:40,120
Speaker 5: outside of kinship slim to none. Ormione sixteen years old,

1748
01:27:40,320 --> 01:27:43,920
Speaker 5: black a boy with five years in the foster care

1749
01:27:44,000 --> 01:27:45,639
Speaker 5: system before I even knew his name.

1750
01:27:46,439 --> 01:27:50,160
Speaker 3: The likelihood have ever been adopted? Yep, you guessed it.

1751
01:27:50,800 --> 01:27:51,800
Speaker 3: Slim to none.

1752
01:27:53,280 --> 01:27:56,320
Speaker 5: While Laderian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely

1753
01:27:56,360 --> 01:27:59,720
Speaker 5: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falster care system, I

1754
01:27:59,840 --> 01:28:03,200
Speaker 5: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been

1755
01:28:03,240 --> 01:28:05,439
Speaker 5: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1756
01:28:05,520 --> 01:28:07,880
Speaker 5: was doing well in college. It was my time to

1757
01:28:07,920 --> 01:28:14,520
Speaker 5: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

1758
01:28:15,439 --> 01:28:18,799
Speaker 5: There are just two many of our black children stuck

1759
01:28:19,080 --> 01:28:22,600
Speaker 5: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falster care system.

1760
01:28:23,080 --> 01:28:26,160
Speaker 5: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

1761
01:28:26,800 --> 01:28:28,120
Speaker 3: Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

1762
01:28:28,160 --> 01:28:30,360
Speaker 5: I had no ties to this other young king, but

1763
01:28:30,400 --> 01:28:32,960
Speaker 5: I felt God instructed me to adopt them also on

1764
01:28:33,040 --> 01:28:36,880
Speaker 5: all bab starting over with parenting should have been enough.

1765
01:28:36,960 --> 01:28:37,120
Speaker 3: Right.

1766
01:28:37,160 --> 01:28:39,920
Speaker 5: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

1767
01:28:39,960 --> 01:28:43,040
Speaker 5: bring awareness to the countless young black Kings and the

1768
01:28:43,080 --> 01:28:47,559
Speaker 5: Falster care system should have decreased My agitation right joined

1769
01:28:47,600 --> 01:28:50,720
Speaker 5: the board of directors of Advantage Adoption and organization that

1770
01:28:50,800 --> 01:28:54,120
Speaker 5: helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false care

1771
01:28:54,240 --> 01:28:56,120
Speaker 5: should have led to some type of resolve.

1772
01:28:56,240 --> 01:29:00,640
Speaker 3: Right, No, not at all. None of it felt like

1773
01:29:00,760 --> 01:29:01,840
Speaker 3: I had done enough.

1774
01:29:02,840 --> 01:29:06,960
Speaker 5: I now realized that every one of those experiences was

1775
01:29:07,040 --> 01:29:09,719
Speaker 5: land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

1776
01:29:10,640 --> 01:29:11,479
Speaker 3: Kingdom Royal.

1777
01:29:12,400 --> 01:29:15,080
Speaker 5: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

1778
01:29:15,120 --> 01:29:18,320
Speaker 5: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

1779
01:29:18,360 --> 01:29:21,360
Speaker 5: the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole

1780
01:29:21,439 --> 01:29:26,080
Speaker 5: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,

1781
01:29:26,280 --> 01:29:30,439
Speaker 5: and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that

1782
01:29:30,479 --> 01:29:35,040
Speaker 5: they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will attend

1783
01:29:35,080 --> 01:29:38,360
Speaker 5: the local public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal.

1784
01:29:38,800 --> 01:29:42,640
Speaker 5: Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating

1785
01:29:42,640 --> 01:29:46,200
Speaker 5: in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and

1786
01:29:46,320 --> 01:29:50,799
Speaker 5: engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant

1787
01:29:50,880 --> 01:29:55,320
Speaker 5: historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and even

1788
01:29:55,400 --> 01:29:57,280
Speaker 5: caring for our animals on.

1789
01:29:57,160 --> 01:29:59,160
Speaker 3: Our form and on site stables.

1790
01:30:00,000 --> 01:30:03,280
Speaker 5: We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal

1791
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:05,439
Speaker 5: of raising two point eight million dollars. Now why two

1792
01:30:05,439 --> 01:30:06,640
Speaker 5: point eight million dollars?

1793
01:30:07,240 --> 01:30:07,439
Speaker 3: Well.

1794
01:30:07,439 --> 01:30:09,840
Speaker 5: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

1795
01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:13,799
Speaker 5: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

1796
01:30:14,000 --> 01:30:16,200
Speaker 3: One of the most notable successes.

1797
01:30:15,800 --> 01:30:18,880
Speaker 5: Was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty

1798
01:30:19,000 --> 01:30:23,280
Speaker 5: eight million views. However, one of my biggest regrets is

1799
01:30:23,320 --> 01:30:25,600
Speaker 5: that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in

1800
01:30:25,680 --> 01:30:29,840
Speaker 5: implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community. So

1801
01:30:29,920 --> 01:30:33,960
Speaker 5: throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm

1802
01:30:33,960 --> 01:30:35,400
Speaker 5: not maximizing that moment.

1803
01:30:35,479 --> 01:30:36,639
Speaker 3: I knew if at that.

1804
01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:39,920
Speaker 5: Time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,

1805
01:30:40,439 --> 01:30:43,599
Speaker 5: we would have raised at least two point eight million

1806
01:30:43,680 --> 01:30:46,519
Speaker 5: dollars that could have really established long term support for

1807
01:30:46,560 --> 01:30:49,800
Speaker 5: the homeless community, or at least started a long term

1808
01:30:49,840 --> 01:30:54,439
Speaker 5: initiative to do so. This is my do over, this

1809
01:30:54,640 --> 01:30:58,120
Speaker 5: is our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at

1810
01:30:58,120 --> 01:31:02,280
Speaker 5: the route by specifically helping our homeless Black boys, who

1811
01:31:02,439 --> 01:31:07,000
Speaker 5: are already disproportionately represented in the American Fossil Care System.

1812
01:31:07,439 --> 01:31:08,680
Speaker 3: I'm a Terra Sarwidfield.

1813
01:31:08,720 --> 01:31:12,120
Speaker 5: I've been nominated for three Regional Emmys documenting my work

1814
01:31:12,120 --> 01:31:15,120
Speaker 5: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

1815
01:31:15,640 --> 01:31:20,080
Speaker 5: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

1816
01:31:20,240 --> 01:31:25,920
Speaker 5: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot

1817
01:31:25,960 --> 01:31:29,559
Speaker 5: com for more details Crown of King and make a

1818
01:31:29,600 --> 01:31:39,640
Speaker 5: donation today. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the

1819
01:31:39,640 --> 01:31:45,120
Speaker 5: Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently,

1820
01:31:45,600 --> 01:31:48,439
Speaker 5: and don't stop loving. Make sure to subscribe to our

1821
01:31:48,479 --> 01:31:51,840
Speaker 5: Dear Future Wife and YouTube channel. We're available on Apple Podcasts,

1822
01:31:51,880 --> 01:31:53,719
Speaker 5: Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

1823
01:31:54,160 --> 01:31:57,080
Speaker 3: Welcome your support. Simply share our podcast with your friends

1824
01:31:57,080 --> 01:31:57,479
Speaker 3: and family.