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Speaker 1: He said, an application process. You didn't have.

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Speaker 2: My buddy Craig filled out no application.

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Speaker 3: Did I Did I need some references? Give me three references.

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Speaker 1: You didn't have no references?

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Speaker 3: Yes, I did.

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Speaker 2: Didn't.

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Speaker 3: We did call the references and actually had he had interviews.

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Speaker 3: A few friends of mine said they would have never

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Speaker 3: done it. I said, well, that's why you would never

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Speaker 3: marry me.

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Speaker 2: That's it. Welcome to Bear Future Wifey podcast Kadiza and Craig,

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Speaker 2: Sharif Drinker.

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Speaker 1: How y'all doing.

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Speaker 4: We're doing great this one.

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Speaker 5: I also wanted to hear how you felt when you

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Speaker 5: initially got that application.

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Speaker 4: Little ego, who are you thinking?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 2: A little bit of that?

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Speaker 7: And then what I realized that this application was.

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Speaker 4: For her, but it was really about me.

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Speaker 7: There is and if I couldn't write anything on this paper,

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Speaker 7: who in mine to.

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Speaker 4: Be in her space and her face?

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Speaker 2: You're in law school at the time he was working

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Speaker 2: at budget. You weren't the type of woman back then

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Speaker 2: that said he has to be a doctor, going to

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Speaker 2: be like the Huxtables and.

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Speaker 1: All that stuff.

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Speaker 3: I had a must have less and a nice to

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Speaker 3: have less, right, and that must have less with somebody

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Speaker 3: who was gone first and foremost who gave reverence to God,

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Speaker 3: somebody who was a family person, and then also somebody

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Speaker 3: who had character integrity. Then I also said tall, I

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Speaker 3: ain't gonna lie.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, Kadija, how much we spent on our life?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Probably, like I was gonna say fifteen hundred, but

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Speaker 3: maybe eighteen hundred dollars. Yeah, we had a budget wedding.

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Speaker 3: Like we said, we had no money really and my

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Speaker 3: husband's I worked at budget and you had a budget exactly.

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Speaker 7: I would not be who I am and what I

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Speaker 7: do without.

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Speaker 3: Just want to hear it is power, we imagine my

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Speaker 3: mission to get it, grow it, and give it away

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Speaker 3: is a leadership journey about what it looks like to

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Speaker 3: stand up in places that are not built for us,

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Speaker 3: to leave with impact and integrity, and to help people

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Speaker 3: understand how to use that power and that the power

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Speaker 3: that we have at home is connected to the power

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Speaker 3: that we have in the world.

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Speaker 2: You talk to a lot of successful black men, what

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Speaker 2: do they say is the tension in the dating tool?

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Speaker 7: They are not willing to sacrifice their peace to deal

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Speaker 7: with crazy because I have worked on myself and I'm

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Speaker 7: not giving this up just because.

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Speaker 2: What do you hear from the women.

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Speaker 3: I'm hearing a lot of things.

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Speaker 6: But.

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Speaker 2: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

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Speaker 2: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

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Speaker 2: this day, the day I got married November twenty second,

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 9: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 9: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 9: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 2: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 2: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are

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Speaker 2: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition

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Speaker 2: of growth, healing and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 9: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 9: the gift promised to those who were fuse to faint.

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Speaker 2: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 2: I'm a Terrassaar Whitfield.

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Speaker 3: I'm Ashley our with Field.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Dear Future Wife Podcasts. Welcome to Dear

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Speaker 2: Future Wifie podcast. I'm your host of Terra Sar.

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Speaker 3: Wifield and I'm Ashley our with Field.

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Speaker 1: Listen, are you still shacking up with us?

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Speaker 2: Come on? If you're still shacking up with us, come on,

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Speaker 2: can we get a commitment? Hit that subscription button and subscribe.

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Speaker 2: Make sure you turn on your notification bell so you'll

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Speaker 2: be notified about upcoming episodes. Now y'all heard me say this,

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Speaker 2: it's so important for you to subscribe to the Dear

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Speaker 2: Future WIFEI podcast. Why. It's because we have a lot

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Speaker 2: of sponsors and advertisers who want to be connected to

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Speaker 2: the Dear Future WIFEI Podcast, but they want to know

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Speaker 2: that we have an engage audience that is consistent. ASA

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Speaker 2: and I looked over the metrics and the analytics, and

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Speaker 2: we found that fifty.

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Speaker 3: Two percent, fifty two percent.

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Speaker 2: Of people who listen to the podcast aren't even subscribed.

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Speaker 1: That's a problem.

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Speaker 3: That is a major problem.

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Speaker 2: That means you find value in the content but won't

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Speaker 2: hit a free subscription button. But I bet you if

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Speaker 2: I check your Netflix account, you subscribe to that agent.

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Speaker 9: Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: Heymen, So I want you to make sure that you

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Speaker 2: subscribe to the Dear Future WIFEI podcast so we can

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Speaker 2: continue to put content out there for you and make

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Speaker 2: it free. A lot of podcasts that you may like,

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Speaker 2: a lot have gone to Patreon where they have to

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Speaker 2: get paid for the content, and they charge you for

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Speaker 2: it in order to subsidize the cost that it takes

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Speaker 2: to put on these episodes every week. So just do

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Speaker 2: your part. Hit that subscription button. Listen. Today's episode is

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Speaker 2: gonna be extremely fun. We got Wisdom sitting on the

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Speaker 2: yellow couch, Ashley's personal friends. She's been knowing them for years?

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Speaker 2: How long you been knowing them?

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Speaker 3: How?

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Speaker 2: I ask them? How will will?

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Speaker 10: Will?

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Speaker 5: I believe I probably would say twenty fourteen is when

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Speaker 5: I met fourteen?

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Speaker 2: So you want to introduce to me on music? Introduce

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Speaker 2: them you?

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Speaker 3: I like the way you introduce our guests.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So without further ado, welcome to give you to

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Speaker 1: wife the.

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Speaker 2: Podcast, our homies, Produzia and Craig so Drinker. How y'all doing?

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Speaker 4: We're doing great? This one good Listen.

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Speaker 2: We're excited to have you on the podcast. Why why

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Speaker 2: don't you want to talk to them?

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Speaker 5: Well, I you know, besides the fact that we go

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Speaker 5: so far back, I am super excited because my big sis,

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Speaker 5: my mentor, my sorority sister has a brand new book

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Speaker 5: out with such great nuggets and information that we all

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Speaker 5: need to consume, and so I'm excited about that, but

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Speaker 5: most importantly, I'm excited about their love journey and how

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Speaker 5: they came to be because I think it will offer

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Speaker 5: a lot of great wisdom and nuggets to are awesome

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Speaker 5: lit fam Kadijia.

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Speaker 2: Yes, what do you do for a living? We're gonna

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Speaker 2: go ahead and just talk about what you do so

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Speaker 2: we can understand how you came to be well.

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Speaker 3: First and foremost today as not only in my author

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Speaker 3: thank you so much Ash for that, but also I

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Speaker 3: oversee a business affairs department at and so I spend

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Speaker 3: my days overseeing deal making and strategy for the network

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Speaker 3: and production studios.

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Speaker 2: Let's go.

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Speaker 1: Nework number one news network.

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Speaker 2: And so we're going to unpack a lot of that

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Speaker 2: just by understanding how you think, because I feel that's

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Speaker 2: quite interesting and Craig has to deal with that on

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Speaker 2: a database.

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Speaker 4: Every day every day.

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Speaker 2: Craig, Yes, sir, what do you do? Who are you king?

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Speaker 7: I am the CEO of a private foundation that focus

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Speaker 7: on the city of north called the Victoria Foundation.

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Speaker 2: And so what I love about your story I had

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Speaker 2: people hear me say this over and over again. I

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Speaker 2: had guests on the podcast, Jason Wilson, who's out of Detroit.

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Speaker 2: He built the Cave of Adulum, which is this young

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Speaker 2: male leadership program. And he and his wife Nicole when

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Speaker 2: they first met was she was an rin making way

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Speaker 2: more money than he made, and he worked two jobs

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Speaker 2: in order just to help support the family and felt

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Speaker 2: quite less than and was working hisself to the bones,

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Speaker 2: to the point to where he almost literally died because

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Speaker 2: a forklift almost fell on him when he fell off

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Speaker 2: of a loading dock backed up, and he said he

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Speaker 2: was looking up to the heavens and he had to

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Speaker 2: had to relearn what masculinity was because he felt like

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Speaker 2: being you know, being a man, being a husband, you

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Speaker 2: have to be a provider financially. And he said, I'm

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Speaker 2: I'm I'm hurting myself. I don't even realize I have

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Speaker 2: this partner here to help me. And he left me

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Speaker 2: with this quote and he said he and his wife

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Speaker 2: got it together together. He said, we got it together

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Speaker 2: together mean and that we're both we just we didn't

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Speaker 2: come into this marriage ready made, as you and I discussed,

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Speaker 2: as we all discussed prior to this episode, that we

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Speaker 2: helped build each other to where we want to be.

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Speaker 7: Uh.

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Speaker 2: Before we unpack how y'all came to be and how

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Speaker 2: y'all got married? How does that quote resonate with you?

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Speaker 2: Creg Well, that has been that.

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Speaker 7: I think the secret source of our marriage is that

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Speaker 7: our communication around anything we wanted to do, whether it's

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Speaker 7: Kadida's early career journey and things that you want to do,

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Speaker 7: we set down every time and had a conversation like like,

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Speaker 7: what do you want to do? How does it going

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Speaker 7: to impact the other person? And let's figure out what's

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Speaker 7: the best way to kind of manage all the change

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Speaker 7: that's going to happen with any decision we needed to make.

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Speaker 2: Well, how did you who taught you that? Because a

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Speaker 2: lot of times we're introduced to more of the toxic

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Speaker 2: side of masculinity where I ain't gonna discuss, you ain't

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Speaker 2: gonna discuss with me what you're gonna do, You're gonna

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Speaker 2: come support what I gotta do, you gotta come follow me,

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Speaker 2: and it's not we're going to have this healthy conversation

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Speaker 2: about partnership.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I wish I had a clear example to say

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Speaker 7: I love this from. I think it was just how

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Speaker 7: I grew up, you know, very close with my mom

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Speaker 7: before she passed, and I just just.

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Speaker 4: Learned from her just the nurturing side.

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Speaker 7: It helped me understand and listen, I pick up that

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Speaker 7: skill by sitting in the kitchen with her for for years,

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Speaker 7: for years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, how important was that, Kadesion, Oh?

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Speaker 3: It was huge. Was game changer because to your point,

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Speaker 3: I've I've grown up in spaces where masculine masculinity looked

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Speaker 3: toxic actually right, and power looked like it was abusive

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Speaker 3: in many ways. And so for me to have a

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Speaker 3: husband and a person who was a partner in power

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Speaker 3: and in love be able to say to me some

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Speaker 3: version of let's talk about it, right, that's important and

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Speaker 3: that's part of what I was looking for and made.

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Speaker 3: So it's a big it's a big deal.

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Speaker 7: Well let's go I would add that if I made

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Speaker 7: go ahead, that it didn't start off like that right away.

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Speaker 7: You know, we came in as two individuals in love, right,

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Speaker 7: and you're.

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Speaker 4: Staying called love.

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Speaker 7: And then we had to learn how to live together

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Speaker 7: and like each other every day while still being in love.

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Speaker 8: And so we learned.

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Speaker 7: So I'll be honest, the first year or so, it

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Speaker 7: was a lot of who's going to be the strong one?

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Speaker 4: And I think for me it came down to the

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Speaker 4: point of what was most important.

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Speaker 7: Was it more important for me to win this fight

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Speaker 7: or is it really more important for me to build

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Speaker 7: for the future. And I opted to build for the

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Speaker 7: future and not try to win a fight.

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Speaker 2: And you said it took about a year to get

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Speaker 2: to that, Yeah, I think so a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it was about the year. The first year

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Speaker 3: was a little rocky, but I think also to Craig's point,

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Speaker 3: it was because we were still understanding each other. We're

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Speaker 3: trying to figure out who we are as new people

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Speaker 3: to a marriage, because you're not the same person you

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Speaker 3: were as an individual, and then you have to start

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Speaker 3: to consider other people's personalities, feelings, timing, Do I say

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Speaker 3: this now, do I not say this now? I had

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Speaker 3: to learn how to figure out, like how to pause things,

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Speaker 3: maybe address it a little bit later, even if I

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Speaker 3: really thought it was important to say, maybe not at

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Speaker 3: the moment. So it was a lot of things that

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Speaker 3: we all be both learned, I think, in the process early.

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Speaker 3: But again, it's really a question of whether or not

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Speaker 3: you want to be right or you want to be

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Speaker 3: right together, you know what I'm saying, And you can

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Speaker 3: be right personally about a particular issue, but you can

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Speaker 3: sacrifice your relationship oftentimes just because you want to make

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Speaker 3: a point versus actually trying to get right with the

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Speaker 3: other person. Years be married twenty nine in September nine, and.

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Speaker 7: We dated for eleven months before we got married. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 7: so it's not like we had like years together. So

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Speaker 7: when we got together, that first year was a little

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Speaker 7: intense because again, we were learning some things that normally

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Speaker 7: people have courtships over along a period of time.

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Speaker 4: Maybe they revealed themselves, but you know, we didn't have that.

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Speaker 5: Now, did you all have like some like oversight or

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Speaker 5: people kind of guiding you or was this really trial

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Speaker 5: by fire?

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Speaker 3: Excellent question. Well let me say this so, well, so

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Speaker 3: we did have folks giving us some oversight in some

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Speaker 3: ways because I actually, you know, we'll talk a little

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Speaker 3: bit about this through the application process that I asked

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Speaker 3: him to fill out and he.

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Speaker 1: Said, an application process, Yeah you had.

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Speaker 2: You didn't have, My buddy Craig filled out no application

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Speaker 2: digit I did, Oh, we're gon, we're gonna get to that.

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Speaker 2: Go ahead now, you said, yeah, Because.

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Speaker 3: I think a big part of it was I wanted

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Speaker 3: to understand who Craig was in totality, and I wanted

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Speaker 3: him to actually lay out who he was. Also, I

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Speaker 3: thought it was important to have transparency up front, to

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Speaker 3: have clarity and to make sure we understood what this

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Speaker 3: was gonna be. I didn't know what it was yet,

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Speaker 3: so I was like, well, tell me about yourself. And so,

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Speaker 3: long story short, I asked him not only to fill

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Speaker 3: out an application to tell me you know who he was,

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Speaker 3: give us some mission statement of sorts to read through,

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Speaker 3: give me a sense of your resume. I need some references,

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Speaker 3: give me three references. Yes, yes I did. You didn't

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Speaker 3: call the We did call the references, and actually we

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Speaker 3: had and he had interviews. He had to sit and

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Speaker 3: talk to some people that I asked him to talk

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Speaker 3: to to make sure that they could vouch for, you know,

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Speaker 3: for me, like whether or not he was somebody I

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Speaker 3: should pursue or you know, and understand like what this

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Speaker 3: was going to be. And I was twenty four years old.

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Speaker 1: Who told you do that?

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Speaker 3: I just knew that I had enough life experience that

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Speaker 3: I saw you on this a long time, said, because

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Speaker 3: I knew what it looked like if we didn't ask

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Speaker 3: the questions. And so I was like, ask these questions

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Speaker 3: up front and more importantly, half other people help in

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Speaker 3: the process, like make it a communal process. So that's

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Speaker 3: just not me bringing somebody home. It's like my mama

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Speaker 3: and my auntie, my cousins. Everybody's like, Okay, who is

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Speaker 3: this young man that wants to talk to you? And

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Speaker 3: then let's see, let's see if we can all talk

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Speaker 3: to him together as a conducial So it wasn't just.

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Speaker 2: No boyfriend situation. Now when you were talking to him,

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Speaker 2: you were betting husband.

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Speaker 3: I was betting husband. I was betting and to be honest,

302
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Speaker 3: I was on a hiatus from dating anybody. So I

303
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Speaker 3: was like, if you want to be in my space,

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Speaker 3: we need to understand what this even is. What what

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Speaker 3: are you coming with? Who are you and how are

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Speaker 3: you going to show up? And how are you going

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Speaker 3: to help improve my life? Like what are you bringing

308
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Speaker 3: to the party? Twenty four years?

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Speaker 5: So it was the appletic was that, like the first

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Speaker 5: time y'all met, Like at what point?

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Speaker 3: So it was a few months into it, So a

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Speaker 3: few months and so a good friend of I was

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Speaker 3: introduced us and have been trying to for a while,

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Speaker 3: and I was and I was like, no, I'm not

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Speaker 3: really interested. I'm in law school. I have a lot

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Speaker 3: going on, a lot in my life. I moved back home.

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Speaker 3: My mother was fighting cancer, my little sister was six

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Speaker 3: years old. I had a lot going on. I was

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Speaker 3: in Jersey City, but I moved ba to the projects

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Speaker 3: in Harlem. I went back to Harlem to my two bedroom,

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Speaker 3: three bedroom house, apartment whatever we lived in at that point.

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Speaker 3: And the crazy part was, I was like, I don't

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Speaker 3: have time. So who is this young man who's so nice?

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Speaker 3: Nice young man, but don't have time. I didn't have

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Speaker 3: time for this.

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Speaker 2: I didn't have time.

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Speaker 4: She thought, Well, that's why.

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Speaker 3: I was like, okay, so what is it that you're

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Speaker 3: trying to accomplish? And so he actually had the truth.

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Speaker 3: He told that he came to me. He said he

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Speaker 3: wanted to do an event. He wants to plan a

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Speaker 3: pro a program. Well, he wants to plan a program.

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Speaker 3: He did, but I didn't know that was a program.

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Speaker 3: And so fast forward we find out that the program

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Speaker 3: was the wedding. But I didn't know that was the program.

336
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Speaker 3: I thought of what he said, it was a youth program,

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Speaker 3: because both of us work with young people a lot.

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Speaker 3: So that was the thing that he said wanted to

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Speaker 3: get to me. So he finally came over one day

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Speaker 3: and we've taught had this conversation. I said, well, if

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Speaker 3: this is what you you're trying to do, I need

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00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,840
Speaker 3: to understand more about you. But you're gonna have to

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Speaker 3: fill out some paperwork and then you're gonna have to

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Speaker 3: sit for some interviews and we're gonna have to understand

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Speaker 3: this whole thing. And I'm just serious. And it's a

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Speaker 3: few friends of mine said they would have never done it,

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Speaker 3: and I said, well, that's why you would never married me.

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Speaker 1: That's it because you have.

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Speaker 3: To understand so you know, like the the requirements of

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Speaker 3: what it is that you need. And I think this

351
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Speaker 3: was my own purpose and process of vetting. You don't

352
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Speaker 3: have to do this particular thing, but I think that

353
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Speaker 3: everybody should be vetted. Everybody should have a process everybody,

354
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Speaker 3: however you choose to do it. You need to be

355
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Speaker 3: able to say to yourself, I deserve somebody who has X,

356
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Speaker 3: and I'm bringing why and I'm looking for z fuss

357
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Speaker 3: to bill together. And that's what I personally did at

358
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Speaker 3: twenty four, and I thought it worked out.

359
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Speaker 2: What do you think I was just gonna say that

360
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Speaker 2: when she first told you well, first, when the friend said,

361
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Speaker 2: I have a friend that I would like to introduce

362
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Speaker 2: you to.

363
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Speaker 7: So actually they had shared that with our friend that

364
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,080
Speaker 7: is a couple. The wife shared it with her that

365
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,200
Speaker 7: she wanted U has onone for me. I didn't I

366
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Speaker 7: didn't know any okay, So actually we met at a conference.

367
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Speaker 3: I didn't know that all these.

368
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Speaker 8: Years, I didn't know that.

369
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Speaker 2: I never knew that.

370
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Speaker 8: I never knew that.

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Speaker 3: She just told me. She just told you, So then

372
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Speaker 3: why are you You saw me like you didn't really

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Speaker 3: want me.

374
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Speaker 4: So let's make the record straight.

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Speaker 7: I was actually it was a conference, one day conference,

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Speaker 7: and I was actually working at the conference.

377
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Speaker 4: So I was volunteering to work at the conference.

378
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Speaker 2: And when the.

379
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Speaker 7: Friend introduced us, I was actually in the middle of

380
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Speaker 7: making sure things from one workshop to the other was

381
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Speaker 7: transitioning properly. And we met, I said, you know, pleasure.

382
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Speaker 8: To meet you.

383
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Speaker 7: She took me as being rude. My mom was thinking

384
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Speaker 7: about the program using work mode.

385
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Speaker 8: I was in work mode right because I was there

386
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Speaker 8: to do.

387
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Speaker 4: I was showing who I was committed.

388
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Speaker 1: To be focused.

389
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Speaker 7: And then later on at the end of the program,

390
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,159
Speaker 7: we had a chance to sit down and communicate and

391
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Speaker 7: we exchange numbers and I pursued her.

392
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Speaker 8: Right, this is true different.

393
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Speaker 7: He was interested, But I would say I would say

394
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:46,919
Speaker 7: though before that when she when she came in, I

395
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 7: noticed a lot of people in that conference who I respected.

396
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Speaker 7: The excitement and joy that they displayed by seeing her

397
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Speaker 7: made me say who is this woman? Because people and

398
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 7: I really like had deep love and respect for and

399
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,920
Speaker 7: for them to be that excited about.

400
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,399
Speaker 4: This person coming in the door, I was like, wow,

401
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:07,640
Speaker 4: I know.

402
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 2: Who this is.

403
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,880
Speaker 8: I need to know who this is, right, exactly sweet.

404
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,159
Speaker 2: And so you felt that he wasn't that interested and

405
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,200
Speaker 2: he was acting shy.

406
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 3: Well yeah, because at first when she introduced us, she

407
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,239
Speaker 3: was like, you know, you know, this is Kditra, this

408
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,520
Speaker 3: is Craig, you know. So I was like, I sounded

409
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:25,120
Speaker 3: like him. He was like like he k like went

410
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 3: over and did something else and I was like, oh, okay,

411
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,360
Speaker 3: well that was interesting, right, And then I didn't even

412
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:32,760
Speaker 3: know if that was him until she said, oh, that's

413
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,639
Speaker 3: who I want you to meet, and I was like,

414
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:37,119
Speaker 3: oh okay. I said, well he was interesting, you know,

415
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,480
Speaker 3: like he was cute, but he was interested. He was

416
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,720
Speaker 3: gone on to something else he did. But the thing

417
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,320
Speaker 3: I will tell you though, is that so as we

418
00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 3: moved to the next room, because it's all these different

419
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,720
Speaker 3: pans and all this stuff that was, you know, on

420
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,679
Speaker 3: the program. So I sit down at the table and

421
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 3: then you know, I'm sitting next to some other people chatting,

422
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 3: and then I see you that he's sitting next to me,

423
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:58,640
Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh, it's you. Okay. Then I get

424
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 3: up and I move because I'm talking to somebody use

425
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 3: again and just moving around the room, and I realized,

426
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh with you again. Oh he's next to

427
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 3: me again. And everyplace I moved, I felt like he

428
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:07,560
Speaker 3: was sitting next to me each time.

429
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:08,640
Speaker 1: Was you doing that on purpose?

430
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,679
Speaker 4: I think I have a different recollection.

431
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:16,879
Speaker 7: But I'm gonna let her own it, right, I'm prone

432
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 7: to forget his own number.

433
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,479
Speaker 8: It was cute.

434
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 3: It was cute, but I mean, I'll I'll just put

435
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 3: it this way. We were connected a few times in

436
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 3: that during that day because I kept I kept feeling

437
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,520
Speaker 3: like he was right. Then I was like, oh boy,

438
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,640
Speaker 3: he is just really like moving around the room too.

439
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,680
Speaker 3: Is he following me? And then when we were time

440
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 3: to leave, he gave me his card, and on the

441
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,639
Speaker 3: card he gave me a few numbers, and I mean

442
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,439
Speaker 3: a few by like five. I was like, I was like,

443
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,600
Speaker 3: he had a beep of two. I was like, this is.

444
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Speaker 8: Late nineties, right, I'm.

445
00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,680
Speaker 3: Like, dude, I'm not gonna be calling me all these places.

446
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 3: Just call me exactly by the back of the car.

447
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,840
Speaker 3: And so I was like, Okay, so clearly he's gonna

448
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 3: call me. You just called me, d he called me call? Yeah.

449
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 3: How long did you wait to call.

450
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:03,400
Speaker 8: Later that week?

451
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 3: It was, yeah, a couple of days, A.

452
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 7: Couple of days a Saturday maybe by that Wednesday.

453
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,960
Speaker 2: And when you called, what were you calling for?

454
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 4: You know, that's a great question, what would you call

455
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 4: them for?

456
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 7: When I was I was fulfilling my commitment and said

457
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 7: I was going to call on your word.

458
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,440
Speaker 4: I was on my word.

459
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 7: And I was curious one to follow up on the

460
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 7: project because we did say that we wanted to write

461
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,399
Speaker 7: an article around the program that we had pulled together,

462
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 7: and she had volunteered to.

463
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,000
Speaker 4: You know, she was a journalist for the Muslim journals.

464
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 4: She was one of their staff writers.

465
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 7: And so I reached out from the stat on behalf

466
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,400
Speaker 7: of the organization to fill in any information she may

467
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 7: have needed. So that was part one, and then Bartu

468
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 7: is that I did want to know who this person was.

469
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 2: At what point did it turn romantic instead of it

470
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 2: start off with interest? What made you interested more in

471
00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 2: her on a romantic level?

472
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 8: You know, as we started talking right away, it went quickly.

473
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 7: From you know how when you sometimes you meet someone

474
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 7: it's light and nonsubstantive.

475
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 4: I was kind of shifted quickly to more substance.

476
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 7: Her mom was, you know, she mentioned earlier, was recovering

477
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 7: from cancer. I had lost my mother about a decade

478
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 7: before that, so I knew the serieses of that we

479
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 7: talked about. I think I shared with you some of

480
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 7: the things I remember my mom going through, particularly with

481
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:42,959
Speaker 7: chemo and radiation, Like, hey, this may happen, medicine may

482
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 7: have advanced, but this is what we So we ended

483
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 7: up having conversations.

484
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,119
Speaker 4: At that level, like really early.

485
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,800
Speaker 7: She was in law school, so I realized she was

486
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 7: balancing a lot with her mom, with law school, her

487
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,320
Speaker 7: other assignment she had with law school, and she had

488
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,719
Speaker 7: a little sister that she had to make sure moved around.

489
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 7: So I was in Jersey, she was in New York,

490
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 7: and you know, I would drive from Jersey to New

491
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 7: York sometimes just to take her from law school and

492
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,920
Speaker 7: drive her home. Really, and we would just at midnight,

493
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 7: yeah really, and then drive back home just so we

494
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 7: can continue the conversation.

495
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 2: That's good. Yeah, that's good. So she was twenty three,

496
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 2: and y'all have an age difference, what four years, five years?

497
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 2: And so you drove over there to pick up What

498
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 2: did that mean to you for him to want that

499
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 2: level of quality time, even if it's just an hour

500
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 2: or so.

501
00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:31,239
Speaker 3: No, it's it was a game changer, because I mean,

502
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 3: you know, I was literally like my days were crazy,

503
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 3: I literally were I was in the law school classes

504
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,880
Speaker 3: during the day. I would get my little sister at

505
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 3: like three o'clock from school. I would take her home.

506
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 3: I would go get them fed, go back to law

507
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 3: school to deal my cases. I had some cases in

508
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 3: the clinic that I was litigating in and then I

509
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 3: had classes and homework and my professors were there helping me,

510
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 3: and they understood like all the challenges, and so by

511
00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 3: the time I get out of the look out of

512
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 3: the library, it was like, I don't know, some version

513
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: of like midnight, one o'clock in the morning.

514
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 2: Wow.

515
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 3: And then Craig would be waiting outside in the car

516
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 3: to take me home, then to drive back to Jersey

517
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 3: just to make sure I got home. Okay. Yeah, so

518
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 3: it was really yeah. Yeah, and sometimes I think it's

519
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,920
Speaker 3: had to be there like a five or six o'clock

520
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 3: some days. Yeah, she was.

521
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 4: All right, all right, right.

522
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 2: You would go and sit outside wait till she leave,

523
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,959
Speaker 2: take up there, and then go back home and then

524
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,720
Speaker 2: probably go to sleep about three hours and then go

525
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 2: to work four hours and get it and go to work.

526
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

527
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 4: I remember when when our first early interactions.

528
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 7: I came over one Saturday and you didn't know.

529
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 4: I said something about I will cook. He was like cook.

530
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 4: She know I know how to cook.

531
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,120
Speaker 3: He knows how to cook.

532
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 7: And so we went to the supermarket to buy some food.

533
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 7: And I think she was still skeptical if I know

534
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 7: how to cook. And we're in the supermarket and we

535
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 7: were we were fighting over paying at the register.

536
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,640
Speaker 4: And I was like, I'm not going to let like yeah.

537
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 8: She was like I got it.

538
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

539
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 7: So I went and we took the food back to

540
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 7: her mother's apartment and.

541
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 4: I cooked the meal for her mom. A little sister

542
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 4: in Kadiji, and we all had dinner together.

543
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,119
Speaker 2: Things like that.

544
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 7: Yeah, the first time I actually went to the matter

545
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 7: of fact, the first time I went to go see

546
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 7: Khadija a couple I think a week or so after

547
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 7: we first met, uh, I spent more time sitting the

548
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 7: couch talking to her mother than talking to Kdija.

549
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't know much about talk for like two hours.

550
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 4: I talked for two hours on the couch.

551
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. I was in the kitchen cooking and organizing things.

552
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 3: And my mother said to me at the end of

553
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 3: the night, he was a nice young man. I said, oh,

554
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 3: was he? I didn't know much because I didn't get

555
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 3: to talk with him that much. He said, oh, yeah,

556
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 3: he's funny too. She had all these things to say,

557
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,440
Speaker 3: and I kept saying, that's interesting. I didn't get to

558
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 3: see much. I didn't get to know him, you know,

559
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 3: that much that evening. But but then he came back

560
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 3: and then so I got to talk to him more.

561
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 3: But my mother had all the details.

562
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, so, so did your mom. Did

563
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 2: you get a sense of approval when your mom was

564
00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,680
Speaker 2: talking about him.

565
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 3: M you know how your mama do. When she was like,

566
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 3: he's a nice young man, she went right there. I

567
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:11,399
Speaker 3: was like, okay, Mama. Once came in at one time, right,

568
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 3: But it was really comfortable.

569
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,439
Speaker 7: Yeah, it was really comfortable sitting there talking with her mom.

570
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 4: And even today we're still cool. We have a special

571
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 4: relationship with your mother in.

572
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so funny. They're like two peas in the pod.

573
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 2: Yeah something.

574
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: But you see how beautiful that is.

575
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,199
Speaker 2: You said you lost your mom ten years prior to

576
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, meeting her mom, and then the first

577
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 2: encounter you have was more of a connection with her

578
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,640
Speaker 2: mom than even the woman that you were interested in, exactly.

579
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,639
Speaker 2: That's the beautiful It's just how God works. It's like,

580
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,440
Speaker 2: why did that have to happen like that, you know

581
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. It's like why y'all could have met

582
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 2: somewhere else? Your mom couldn't even didn't even have to

583
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,520
Speaker 2: be a part of that discussion, right, And then it

584
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,119
Speaker 2: was like this moment that you got a chance with

585
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:00,920
Speaker 2: her mom and you said you are still think of

586
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 2: thieves his very day. Yeah, yeah, this is absolute beautiful.

587
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 2: I love not hear moments like that.

588
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 5: You say something I was about to say, so we

589
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 5: wanted to all. I also wanted to hear how you

590
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 5: felt when you initially got that application, because I think

591
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 5: it's one thing to know it's coming, but then it's

592
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,160
Speaker 5: another thing to be on the receiving end of it.

593
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 4: So two things, well, a few things.

594
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 7: One I knew I couldn't share this with none of

595
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 7: my homeboys for they to clown me right to.

596
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 2: Application all that.

597
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 3: Now when they found out, they're.

598
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:39,479
Speaker 7: Like, what, yeah, I'm catching it now. For some from

599
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 7: my friends who read their book, like, yo, man, you didn't.

600
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:43,399
Speaker 4: Tell me that.

601
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,440
Speaker 7: You don't come up in conversations things we just know. Yeah,

602
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 7: So one show it was. It was that first one.

603
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 7: I think the second one was a little ego like.

604
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 2: Who are you thinking?

605
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 6: Right?

606
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 7: A little bit of that, but then you you have

607
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 7: this this more I speak for me.

608
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 4: I had this moment and I was.

609
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:06,399
Speaker 7: Like, hmm, let's pause for a second. And then what

610
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 7: I realized that this application was for her, but it

611
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 7: was really about me.

612
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 2: There it is right, there is.

613
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 4: And if I couldn't write anything on this.

614
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 7: Paper, if I didn't have any people who I could

615
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,040
Speaker 7: put up to say, let me speak to his.

616
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 4: Character there it is? Who am I to be in

617
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 4: her space and her face?

618
00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 2: Yep?

619
00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 7: I would say that that was That was probably more

620
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 7: in the more deep into subconscious.

621
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 4: As almost married thirty years.

622
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 8: I could admit it, and I can admit it now loud.

623
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,399
Speaker 7: But really it came out there and I had to

624
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 7: look at that. When I wrote it, I was like.

625
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:51,880
Speaker 4: Hmm, not bad.

626
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,440
Speaker 7: You got some gaps here, not so much for her,

627
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 7: but some things that you still want to do for yourself.

628
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, so lit up.

629
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: So then what stage that the app case and get introduced.

630
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 3: Oh so we were probably talking like about three months.

631
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 3: And then I was like, okay, look, you know I

632
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,640
Speaker 3: have spent a lot of time in my life analyzing

633
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 3: all the things that were twenty four at twenty four ye.

634
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 2: You know years old talk about right, that's but you

635
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 2: know you.

636
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,439
Speaker 5: See a lot of twenty four and so were you

637
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,479
Speaker 5: guys fit? Like what did you? How did you all?

638
00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:32,199
Speaker 5: Because some people don't believe in boyfriend girlfriends, people do like,

639
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 5: what would you how would you describe your relationship?

640
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 3: Three months? So I think three months you were about.

641
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 7: To say, No, I don't want to get this wrong.

642
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 3: I don't get this wrong. I wouldn't say we were

643
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 3: a boyfriend and girlfriend because I don't think that that

644
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: was I think that we were trying to understand if

645
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 3: this was going to be a courtship for me or

646
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 3: a commitment because I was I was interested in being

647
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 3: then girlfriend. I was like, I don't have time for it,

648
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 3: So what is it that we're doing here? But that

649
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 3: was the application process. It was like, this is the

650
00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 3: reason why the application needs to come up, because if

651
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: you you can come and hang out with us and

652
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 3: talk we were friends, that's nice, but what are we doing?

653
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 3: I need to understand that. So that was actually really

654
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 3: my way of nudging to say, put on paper, bro,

655
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,960
Speaker 3: what you're trying to do here? I need to understand it.

656
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 3: Do you remember how you said?

657
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,920
Speaker 5: Because I know a lot of the women, Okay, walk

658
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 5: us through how you communicated to him?

659
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 3: Yeah. So I think we were putting dishes that we

660
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 3: were cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and he was helping.

661
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 3: I think I was washing, he was drying or whatever

662
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 3: the dishes and we were chatting, and I was just like,

663
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 3: you know, so what are we doing?

664
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 4: I was putting up.

665
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:37,520
Speaker 3: Okay, well okay, well we were we were together, we

666
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 3: were doing the dish. We were doing the dishes together.

667
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 3: I think I asked him something like, so what is this?

668
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 3: What are we doing?

669
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 2: Like?

670
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 3: How what do we what are you what's happening here exactly?

671
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 3: Because you know, now, mind you, I had already said,

672
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,479
Speaker 3: you know, I was done with a lot of other

673
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 3: stuff in life, and I was just trying to make sure,

674
00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: like I don't need anybody else to take care of

675
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 3: per se. I don't mind being a partner in something,

676
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 3: but I need to understand, like what is it that

677
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: the person is bringing. So I asked him, I salf so,

678
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 3: you know, I have some ideas about how we can

679
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 3: get to what we're trying to do, but what is

680
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 3: it that you want to do? And he was like,

681
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 3: you know, I want to be with you. I think

682
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,920
Speaker 3: that was his answer. And I was like, well what

683
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 3: does that look like? And then he was like, you know,

684
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 3: like together and I was like, okay, well I have

685
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 3: I have a process figure and then he said, well

686
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 3: what are you thinking. I was like, I'll get back

687
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,880
Speaker 3: to you, but it's going to require an application. And

688
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 3: then I was like it was that, and then I said,

689
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 3: I'll give you some stuff and you can get back

690
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 3: to me and we'll have a because you have a

691
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 3: two week process time to kind of get all your

692
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 3: paperwork together, and then i'll let you know after you submittion.

693
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:42,880
Speaker 3: How did you have this application pre made? No? Created

694
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,880
Speaker 3: it right? No, it was It wasn't making. I had

695
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 3: to organize it and stuff. But I knew what in

696
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 3: my mind I was percolating like what I needed to know,

697
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 3: And I was like, we're going to need to figure

698
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 3: out some things, and I want to see it on paper,

699
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 3: because you know, listen, we do all this stuff for jobs,

700
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 3: for internships, for colleges, right, we do all the business

701
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 3: stuff to make sure that we get the job right.

702
00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 3: We got the right position, the right title, the right everything.

703
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 3: And then in our lives we were just floating our

704
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: lives when something take up space, right, we always want

705
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 3: to be chosen. We don't want to do the choosing.

706
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 3: I want to be choosing and chosen. And so I

707
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 3: was like, we're gonna need to have a process here,

708
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 3: and I want him that's right, right, And I want

709
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 3: him to feel like also that he is getting the

710
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 3: best that he needs for him because maybe we weren't

711
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 3: just compatible, we would have a good time together. Maybe

712
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 3: we weren't supposed to be married. Just figure that out

713
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 3: real quick, right, And then we have our parents and

714
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 3: now I love ones helping us navigate this to ask

715
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 3: the questions to and then the other thing is that

716
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 3: the one thing I loved about Craig. After he finished

717
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 3: his process and I told him he was accepted.

718
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: You have permission to move on to the next.

719
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 3: And let me tell you what he did. He said,

720
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 3: said that was such an excellent process. Would you mind

721
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 3: doing the same thing for me? I need you to

722
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 3: fill out an application too.

723
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 2: I said, I said.

724
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 3: I clutched my parents for a second, but I said, right,

725
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 3: that makes sense. Let me get let me get to

726
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 3: the world. It's the application in the book. It's not

727
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 3: you know why why because those of you'll want to application,

728
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to ask me.

729
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 4: To get that.

730
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 3: Afraid I didn't get that for a free But anyway,

731
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 3: get the book because the book is good.

732
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 4: Crib yes, sir.

733
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: Well, first I'm gonna ask you, so, when you got

734
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: the application, how long did it take you to turn

735
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 2: it in?

736
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 4: Oh? I definitely took all I took them for two weeks.

737
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, As I mentioned, you know, like first like yeah,

738
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,479
Speaker 7: and then you just kind of like yeah, and then

739
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 7: you realize you.

740
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 8: Don't have those things readily available.

741
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 7: So I had to like sit down and be thoughtful

742
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 7: and you know what is ah, what is my mission statement?

743
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 4: What is some things I want to accomplish?

744
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 7: So I had to spend some time being not only reflective,

745
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 7: but that is just so good to me and but

746
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 7: also for me to start thinking thinking forward.

747
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 2: Right.

748
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,000
Speaker 7: You know, at the time Kadidi was in her list

749
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 7: year of law school and at the time I didn't

750
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:13,120
Speaker 7: even have my college dugree. Right, so it's like, hm, wow, oh,

751
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 7: but I wasn't intimidated by that. It was just a

752
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 7: reflection point in my life.

753
00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 2: Is like, hmmm, why weren't.

754
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:26,240
Speaker 1: You intimidated by that? A lot of men would find.

755
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 2: Intimidation behind an intelligent, educated woman, especially from the realm

756
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 2: of law, Like that's the whole you like, Lord, this

757
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 2: later going to be debating stuff.

758
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 8: But that's that's true. That's I didn't say that didn't happen.

759
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 7: That didn't happen, But I enjoyed it because that was

760
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 7: about mine expansion, the expansion, and I really loved that.

761
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 7: So I wasn't intimidated by it. And she just mentioned

762
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 7: now it could have we could have come to the

763
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 7: conclusion that we weren't compatible, but it wasn't from a

764
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,719
Speaker 7: sense of me being intimidated by her and what she was,

765
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 7: the lofty things she had already accomplished in that good

766
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 7: likely to accomplish it. She was I thought, was a

767
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 7: very fascinating person, had all these experiences. We had similar upbringings,

768
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 7: but different enough that it was still exciting.

769
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 4: You know.

770
00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 2: So what would you say about this condesia because you said,

771
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 2: here it is. He even said you had lofty goals ambition.

772
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 2: You're in law school at the time. My buddy Craig,

773
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: he was working at budget. Yeah, budget, And so you

774
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 2: weren't the type of woman back then that said I

775
00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 2: see myself married to another attorney and we can do this,

776
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 2: or he has to be a doctor. We're going to

777
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 2: be like the Huxtables and all that stuff. Like you

778
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 2: didn't have this ideology at twenty four. You had all

779
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 2: this other stuff figured out, You had applications and all that.

780
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: You didn't see that in your future, or.

781
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 2: You were like I was looking more for character.

782
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 3: Well, I was looking more for a character for sure,

783
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 3: because I mean, the thing I I knew also is

784
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 3: that you could have somebody who has money, power, titles,

785
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 3: but it didn't necessarily mean that their person was going

786
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:08,919
Speaker 3: to be good for me. In my own life right.

787
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 3: I was standing on my own business too, so I

788
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 3: knew I could take care of myself ultimately. But what

789
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 3: I was looking for, I had a must have less

790
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 3: and a nice to have less right, and that must

791
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 3: have less with somebody who was God fearing first and foremost,

792
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,800
Speaker 3: who gave reverence to God. Somebody who was a family

793
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 3: person who understood how to care for their families. And

794
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 3: then also somebody who had character, integrity, who was loyal,

795
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 3: who understood, who was caring, who was nurturing all those things.

796
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 3: I think that sometimes we, you know, we don't really

797
00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 3: think about as much, and sometimes in relationships when we're

798
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:38,959
Speaker 3: thinking about is he going to be? And I also

799
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,719
Speaker 3: said tall, I ain't gonna lie somebody taller than me.

800
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 3: I was like, somebody taller than me, but on the

801
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 3: nice to have list with some other things. And I

802
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:47,920
Speaker 3: was like, you know, if they want to have or

803
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 3: he wants to have, you know, a career, an extra

804
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,760
Speaker 3: Y or Z, that's fine. Long as he's fulfilled and happy.

805
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 2: Right as he fulfilled and happy, why don't we hear

806
00:35:58,440 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 2: more of that?

807
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, as long as he's fulfilling happy.

808
00:36:02,080 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 2: I've never heard anybody say that it's always based on

809
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:11,239
Speaker 2: the woman's fulfillment and validation of his career choice. And

810
00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 2: we always and I hate when people say this. They'll

811
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 2: use the teacher as the lowest standard or something like.

812
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,839
Speaker 2: I mean they say, if they were a teacher, would

813
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 2: I be comfortable? Like you know, how fulfilling that to

814
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 2: be an actual teacher? How much reference that as I

815
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 2: have for our teachers? And then you'll be like, I mean,

816
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 2: let's say that. I mean, people ask them, could you

817
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,359
Speaker 2: be married to a school teacher? Like that's like that's

818
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 2: low and I'm like, what so that means so much

819
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 2: to hear you say, as long as he's fulfilled, because

820
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 2: if that person's calling is to be a gym coach,

821
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: to be a teacher, to be whatever it is, then

822
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 2: that's what makes them happy.

823
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: That's what makes them satisfy.

824
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 2: And who are you to come into their life and

825
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 2: be like mm hmm, that's this is I.

826
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,800
Speaker 3: Can never accept this and you like that's fine.

827
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 2: That's why I've always want to be like that's all

828
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:08,200
Speaker 2: you want to be like, yeah, should I not? You know,

829
00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 2: my daddy was this and I've always wanted to do

830
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 2: that and be like, no, that's not good enough to

831
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 2: and so how did you adopt that ideology at twenty four,

832
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 2: at the old age of two, because you've been on

833
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 2: the firth a long time, So at twenty four years old,

834
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 2: how did you learn that, especially been around peers that

835
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 2: may not have thought.

836
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:28,840
Speaker 1: The same way.

837
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I don't think that we the first and foremost.

838
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 3: I think each one of us is valuable in our

839
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,239
Speaker 3: own right, right. I think that every single person has

840
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 3: a story that is worth hearing, being told, respected, And

841
00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 3: so you know, I'm not here to tell people what

842
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 3: they need to be and what they don't need to be.

843
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 3: I think a lot of times people prescribe things on

844
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 3: other people that they haven't fulfilled in their own lives.

845
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 3: And so for me, I was just focusing on being

846
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 3: whole myself, like, because you should do the best that

847
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 3: you can do what you have, right, And we came

848
00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 3: from very humble beginnings and right, both of us, so

849
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 3: we understood. I was in Harlem, he was in Newark, right,

850
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 3: and we both grew up in very challenging circumstances at times.

851
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,840
Speaker 3: And so you know, I was just trying to stand

852
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 3: up and use my power as best I possibly could,

853
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,320
Speaker 3: and then make sure I share what I had with

854
00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 3: other people so they could actually do the same thing

855
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 3: for themselves and other people as well. That power sharing

856
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:20,400
Speaker 3: is so important to me. So I wasn't trying to

857
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,880
Speaker 3: change him. I just wanted somebody who was willing to

858
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 3: work with me and to help me become better at

859
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 3: who I wanted to be. And I think that's just

860
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,399
Speaker 3: so important. I think so often sometimes people get married

861
00:38:30,440 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 3: and think that I have to change the person. I

862
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 3: got to make my husband do this. I had to

863
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 3: build amand this n't build a beer, right. You know

864
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. This is like we need to be

865
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 3: working together in concert to make sure that we're fulfilling

866
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 3: who we can ultimately be our best selves. And usually

867
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,839
Speaker 3: the person that you marry, if they can bring out

868
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,320
Speaker 3: the best in you. I mean, that's really what partnership

869
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 3: truly is about. So I didn't really care what he

870
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,320
Speaker 3: did for a job as long as it was legal,

871
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 3: it was wholesome.

872
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 8: That's good.

873
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,560
Speaker 3: Legal and wholesome. I was good, you know what I'm saying.

874
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 7: But I think that's been one of our our secret

875
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 7: sources of superpowers is around sitting down having these conversations

876
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 7: around you know, where we were individually and what are

877
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,359
Speaker 7: some of our aspirations and not being afraid to talk

878
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 7: about that, and then hear from the other person how

879
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 7: we could be supportive. So could he just finish his

880
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 7: law school? I ended up going back to school finishing

881
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 7: my undergrad degree, and then later a few years later,

882
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 7: you know, got my MBA. In between that, we Kadiza,

883
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 7: we had a conversation around she wanted to focus up.

884
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 7: She had the opportunity to grow in her career and

885
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 7: was like, hey, let's have this conversation.

886
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 4: We got this little baby.

887
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 8: You work in the city.

888
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 7: I'm on this side. It's easier for me to drop

889
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,560
Speaker 7: the baby off in the morning, pick pick the baby up,

890
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 7: whatever we need to do, so you can have these

891
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 7: pursuits that you gonna make you feel feel fulfilled and

892
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 7: not just be limited to you have to be a

893
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,960
Speaker 7: mother now come home like, no, what are the things

894
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 7: that's gonna make you feel like you're a full person.

895
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 7: And then when my opportunities came, we did the same thing.

896
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 7: So even when the book, when Kadida decided she was

897
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 7: gonna write this book, like okay.

898
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:14,800
Speaker 3: That's a third baby, right and powery imagine, yes, really.

899
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,560
Speaker 8: You need your writing time you need to go do that.

900
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 7: I got it right, you know, don't worry about this,

901
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 7: don't worry about that. And so we've always been really

902
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 7: good and listening and helping each other kind of reach

903
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 7: their dreams and inspire for more.

904
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,120
Speaker 2: When I said I love hearing healthy, when I say,

905
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 2: it does something to me because I know the disconnect

906
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 2: and why the black experience is what it is is

907
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 2: because we don't hear enough healthy examples and what reign

908
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:50,759
Speaker 2: supreme on social media is the toxic examples. And they

909
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 2: don't hear like you, like we hear so much about

910
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,520
Speaker 2: people looking for ready made people like you need to

911
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 2: be if you're going to be an attorney, be an attorney.

912
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 2: Don't be in the process of becoming one. Don't be

913
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,120
Speaker 2: when you're failing the test. I don't want you while

914
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:09,280
Speaker 2: you failing. I need you passed and passing, already, attorney, already,

915
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,919
Speaker 2: a partner, already, all this stuff, and it's like, yeah,

916
00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 2: like how many How easy is it for anybody to

917
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 2: choose the finished product of anything?

918
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 3: Oh it's so easy. Yeah, it's so easy. And I've

919
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 3: had people I told you, people have told me that

920
00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,319
Speaker 3: they would have never married a man like Craig who

921
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:28,240
Speaker 3: was working at budget as a manager without having at

922
00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 3: a college degree, right, let alone like not that's just

923
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 3: an undergraduate degree, not alone a graduate degree.

924
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 2: Right.

925
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 3: So it was like you were already on your way,

926
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 3: you know. And I'm like, but see you missing the point,

927
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,080
Speaker 3: missed it, you know. And so I think so many

928
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 3: people miss the opportunity to find really good people, to

929
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 3: get partners in life that really could compliment and then

930
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 3: to build something together, which is more beautiful in my opinion,

931
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 3: Like you know what I mean, you know, I get

932
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 3: when I think about the fact that Craig was going

933
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 3: to school at night after he left his job. During

934
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 3: the day, we were paying for his school. And then

935
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 3: then he would another job and they start paying for

936
00:42:01,360 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 3: his school. And the next thing, you know, he finished that,

937
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 3: he graduated with honors. It was wonderful.

938
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 2: I was there.

939
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was beautiful. Then I went to his next

940
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:10,920
Speaker 3: thing and he got his NBA and we had a

941
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 3: little baby girl and she was in the class with

942
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 3: him some nights. He would say in the class, yes

943
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,840
Speaker 3: and taken with him. The class should be in the

944
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 3: back of the class sometimes with them, and that all

945
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:23,200
Speaker 3: the all the graduate students should be taking terms playing

946
00:42:23,200 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 3: with her to make sure they'd gotten from a quantum

947
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 3: accounting or whatever the case is they were taking for

948
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 3: his NBA. And then I would because I was working

949
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 3: late in the city. I was at my job, you know,

950
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 3: doing meeting up pulling midnight hours sometimes right. And then

951
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 3: he was like, I got don't worry, I got it.

952
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,399
Speaker 3: You just get home safely. You know what I'm saying.

953
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 3: He maybe any fool for every child that we had

954
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 3: never ate draw food. Every Sunday was the day. But

955
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 3: he was making baby food. And I used to eat

956
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,640
Speaker 3: it too, because it's so darned I did. That's what

957
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,600
Speaker 3: was delicious. It was like sweet potatoes and carrots and

958
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 3: apples and sweepertails and carrots together. And I'd be like,

959
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 3: and every time I traveled, I was nursing both big kids.

960
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 3: I would travel with them on my trips, and he

961
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 3: would say he would freeze the food who had pass

962
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 3: and things now would care with me. My sister would

963
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 3: meet me on the trip and so she can help

964
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 3: me take care of those kids. But he would pack

965
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:06,360
Speaker 3: all the food and events.

966
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 2: So I'm saying, when I say, God and all his

967
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 2: infinite wisdom knew that even his upbringing from his mom

968
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 2: teaching him how to cook, will be necessary for him

969
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 2: to even make custom made baby food for y'all's.

970
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,759
Speaker 3: Kids, right, you know, it's like every little.

971
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 2: Intricate details that your vision couldn't even see it. If

972
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,919
Speaker 2: you were only stuck on the right now, you'll never

973
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 2: be able to see what was going to take place

974
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,760
Speaker 2: years later. And what's so I think so many people

975
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 2: have are so short sighted and their dating process that

976
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 2: they don't even know how to discern the type of

977
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:54,400
Speaker 2: character that they need.

978
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 1: In a husband.

979
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,399
Speaker 2: A lot of people still be hung up on your

980
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 2: height requirement or prefer I ain't gonna say requirement because yeah,

981
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 2: because you said bust have and would like to have.

982
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 2: So they'd be like, what she would like to have?

983
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 2: Oh no, that's a must have, like really, like really,

984
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,959
Speaker 2: so as long as he's this height while you're sitting

985
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 2: up there lugging the kids, sitting at your office with

986
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 2: the baby, so you're cool with that, And they'd be like,

987
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,879
Speaker 2: oh no, no, I need a man at least gonna

988
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 2: have to share in that. Okay, now you just said

989
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 2: you in the future you want somebody sharing that, So

990
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:30,920
Speaker 2: what are you willing to negotiate to, and a lot

991
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 2: of times they're just not using wisdom on what they

992
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 2: consider a none negotiable. A lot of times people are

993
00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: calling stuff that's the none negotiable, and you be like,

994
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 2: when you got married, you'll realize that that is not

995
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:44,880
Speaker 2: a true negotiable. This just don't make sense, don't And

996
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 2: so I get excited when I hear couples that has

997
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: been married almost thirty years that are able to come

998
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 2: and say, let me tell you this, even the experience

999
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:56,479
Speaker 2: that the people around y'all, and this is what God

1000
00:44:56,560 --> 00:45:00,839
Speaker 2: is showing me in your NBA program. The people got

1001
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: a chance to witness what fatherhood looks like.

1002
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 3: That's right.

1003
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 2: The fact that because typically you wouldn't see a father

1004
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: with the kids sitting up here while there in school,

1005
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,359
Speaker 2: that mama backed her be the one taking care of

1006
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:14,919
Speaker 2: that kid, because you ain't finna come in. I ain't

1007
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 2: gonna be walking around with no kid like that. We're

1008
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,399
Speaker 2: not gonna do that. That's a mother's job. So they

1009
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 2: got a chance to witness not only what fatherhood looks like,

1010
00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,600
Speaker 2: but husbandry on the truest sense of what husbandry looks like.

1011
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 2: So I get excited when I hear stuff like that,

1012
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:31,720
Speaker 2: because I'll be like, God, we just get it so wrong.

1013
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 2: And you hear a key thing where you said the

1014
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 2: stuff that y'all got a chance to experience while y'all

1015
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 2: were getting it together together, that that's what brings a

1016
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 2: deeper bond with each other.

1017
00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 1: You're like, man, you remember.

1018
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 2: We were struggling. You remember we went had and you

1019
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 2: remember when we didn't have. Like people can look at

1020
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 2: us right now and say this. We could ask you

1021
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,839
Speaker 2: to celebrate and say, hey, you over here working with

1022
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 2: one of the biggest with the number one news station,

1023
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 2: But what happened before that, what happened in the interim,

1024
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 2: That's right, that's.

1025
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 3: What fortifies your marriage.

1026
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 5: So a lot of times people want the end result

1027
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,360
Speaker 5: without doing the work.

1028
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 3: That it takes to get there.

1029
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,320
Speaker 5: And everybody can acknowledge like, oh, if I want muscles,

1030
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:11,759
Speaker 5: I can't just go to the gym for one day, right,

1031
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 5: There's like some consistency that I have to put into

1032
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 5: to grow muscles. And so hearing the story, I think

1033
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:21,240
Speaker 5: it is so helpful for everyone because it's like, Okay,

1034
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,760
Speaker 5: this is the work that we put in to get

1035
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 5: the harvest that we wanted, but without you know, planning

1036
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 5: the right seeds and then watering them time after time

1037
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 5: and growing though you know you don't get that harvest.

1038
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 2: You had a woo statement when I said the struggle.

1039
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 2: Let's talk about the struggle. What kind of struggle that

1040
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 2: y'all go through as y'all was in the interim and

1041
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:41,800
Speaker 2: the build up stage.

1042
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 4: Oh well it was.

1043
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 2: It was.

1044
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 7: It was a list of things, and I'm so there.

1045
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 7: Of course, is getting to know each other's struggle.

1046
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 2: Put the microphone closer to you. You're trying to get

1047
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 2: all booted up with y'all boot up.

1048
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 7: Well, you know, it's the struggle of getting to know

1049
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 7: each other and getting to know yourself differently as a

1050
00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 7: husband and as a wife. Right, I'm a different person

1051
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 7: than I was before the day we got married. Right,

1052
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 7: So it was that struggle. And then it was the

1053
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:12,280
Speaker 7: reality of the financial struggle. Right, you know, we realized

1054
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,359
Speaker 7: earlier she ain't have a lot. I have a lot.

1055
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,520
Speaker 4: But let's try to figure out how we build something together.

1056
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 7: I think one one key moment we had we were

1057
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:21,360
Speaker 7: set down women.

1058
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 4: The insurance lady came. She's laughing.

1059
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 7: So these lady's came to sell us some financial services

1060
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 7: and you know, we were, you know, making pittings at

1061
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,280
Speaker 7: the time, and she sat down, she was sisters walking

1062
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 7: us through everything, and she was like, well.

1063
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:41,400
Speaker 8: It looks like if you all just can script and

1064
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 8: save some more money. I was like, no, that's not

1065
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:45,600
Speaker 8: the issue. We need to make more money.

1066
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 3: She said, cut back on this, cut back on it.

1067
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:48,880
Speaker 3: We didn't cut back on everything, and.

1068
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 8: Then that's to cut back, go down to bone.

1069
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:56,360
Speaker 7: But then and that point though, we would still find

1070
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 7: ways to be able to show each other joy and

1071
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:04,320
Speaker 7: appreciation even when we didn't have a lot of financial resources.

1072
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 7: In the it was it could be a card, it

1073
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 7: could be sometimes I will find an.

1074
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 3: Outfit for her, a shop for me, shop for a

1075
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 3: lot of time.

1076
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 4: Right and she would come home and be a few

1077
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 4: outfits there for her, things like that.

1078
00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 7: But those things let me know that when if we

1079
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 7: can go through this, we can.

1080
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 1: Build for the long term part.

1081
00:48:24,880 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 7: And everything we've been doing was we talked about this

1082
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 7: last night. The balance between living in the moment and

1083
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:38,439
Speaker 7: appreciating the moment while always thinking about the future life

1084
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 7: that you want to have together.

1085
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,799
Speaker 3: That's good, yeah, because you know the thing is that

1086
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 3: and you know, I've started to realize I was telling Craig,

1087
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 3: there's so many people that we start to actually that

1088
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 3: we know who's plan for retirement. Sometimes one of the

1089
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,960
Speaker 3: spouse's passes away before they even get there, right, And

1090
00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 3: so you're pushing everything off until like when we retire,

1091
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 3: we're going to do all these things versus like we

1092
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:00,799
Speaker 3: want to do some things now, but we're also going

1093
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 3: to keep planning for some other things. And so I think,

1094
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 3: you know, we're just trying to be grateful. One. I

1095
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,080
Speaker 3: think just gratitude is everything to me. I think we

1096
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:10,080
Speaker 3: both just tall our kids this too, Like you know,

1097
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:12,840
Speaker 3: if you're grateful, you will get more, Like you just

1098
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 3: have to be grateful. Yeah, the same thing. It's just

1099
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:19,120
Speaker 3: so important. And then and then the other thing is,

1100
00:49:20,640 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 3: you know, I laugh oftentimes when I think about, like

1101
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 3: going back, I was talking about the credit card. Craig

1102
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 3: and I had two credit cards that we share, and

1103
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:29,719
Speaker 3: I think that one of them had a limit like

1104
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 3: a three hundred dollars and we would like we were.

1105
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,839
Speaker 11: Literally like pay off the secure one, right, you gotta

1106
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:38,239
Speaker 11: put your money down, and we were like, oh my gosh,

1107
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 11: we got to build out credit right, and literally you

1108
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 11: put boys up next to you and you're like, we

1109
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 11: got two ninety already spent.

1110
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 3: We got ten dollars laugh. And then you built, you

1111
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 3: paid off and that's got the same thing.

1112
00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 8: It was.

1113
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,840
Speaker 3: At those priorities order. What the crazy part is is

1114
00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 3: that I was thinking about that and I was like,

1115
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 3: you know, just how like we just can't act only

1116
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,440
Speaker 3: kept working in that way, and then next thing, you know,

1117
00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 3: we were able to buy a house one time, you know,

1118
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 3: one year, and the next time the first.

1119
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,520
Speaker 1: Time you get an unsecured car.

1120
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:10,960
Speaker 8: That's right, you go from.

1121
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 2: A secure car to unsecure. They be like, hey, we're

1122
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 2: going to send you your deposit back. You was like, yeah,

1123
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 2: they start you off at that three hundred dollars credit limit,

1124
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 2: get back and then they give you five hundred and

1125
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 2: I'm earning trust.

1126
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 3: You know what I forgot about that, That's right, That

1127
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 3: is that was a graduation.

1128
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 1: You did something.

1129
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 2: It's like every milestone that shows you that you're in

1130
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 2: trusted before you ever get trusted with a whole mortgage.

1131
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 3: That's true. Actually that is true though. But by the

1132
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,399
Speaker 3: time we did that and we got that little house Stough,

1133
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 3: we were so excited. We were like, oh, we want

1134
00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 3: to come up in that little key house, but it

1135
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 3: was it was all the you know, all those small.

1136
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 2: Things like that.

1137
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 4: And we got married in ninety seven.

1138
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:56,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, September.

1139
00:50:55,600 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 7: Of ninety seven. June of twenty of two thousand. Yeah,

1140
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 7: this all happened at the same time. We're moving into

1141
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 7: our first house. We're going to a Ruble for vacation,

1142
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:08,799
Speaker 7: and we.

1143
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:09,399
Speaker 2: Were a new car.

1144
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:11,280
Speaker 1: The Rubles where we spent the honeymoon.

1145
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:20,399
Speaker 3: We have such great memories about a Yeah, that's great.

1146
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, but we were committed to this.

1147
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 7: And then to your point, when you are make the commitment,

1148
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 7: things is kind of they speed up and they magnify

1149
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 7: that much much more because we were committed to each

1150
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 7: other into the process for each other.

1151
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 5: Yeah, So what did you say to those people who

1152
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 5: questioned you?

1153
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 3: Like, I didn't have to say much because they see

1154
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 3: me now. So I was like, they know, they come around.

1155
00:51:49,520 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 3: I just like, I don't have to say much. I

1156
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,239
Speaker 3: think they just you know, it's like, you know, the

1157
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 3: the evidence is here, you know where we are, and

1158
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,880
Speaker 3: you know, I think a part of also is reminding

1159
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 3: people because a lot of times a those people don't

1160
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 3: get married ever, they don't find their person, and you know,

1161
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 3: you miss perfect exactly and not progress, right, And so

1162
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 3: I think, you know, like just being able to really

1163
00:52:12,440 --> 00:52:14,760
Speaker 3: you know, be a resource for people. I'm always happy

1164
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:16,719
Speaker 3: to tell people and share with them like a better

1165
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 3: way to operate in terms of looking for me. But

1166
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 3: I think also really what I wanted to say to

1167
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 3: folks is you know, we are all of us or

1168
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 3: works in progress, and so you know, such this this

1169
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 3: is something wonderful about building together as you both know. Also,

1170
00:52:32,560 --> 00:52:34,920
Speaker 3: it's such something beautiful about being able to go back

1171
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 3: and talk about those memories and like how you start off,

1172
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 3: or even things that you you thought probably you know

1173
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 3: you had together that you realize you didn't have it together.

1174
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:44,799
Speaker 3: Or even when you lose you think you got something

1175
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 3: and you lose it and you have to regain it.

1176
00:52:46,600 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 3: You know, all those things matter, right, Trust in relationships,

1177
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,320
Speaker 3: building trust, you know, it's not just about the financial stuff,

1178
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:55,799
Speaker 3: not just about the accolades and the degrees, but it's

1179
00:52:55,800 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 3: also about like how do you establish trust in a

1180
00:52:57,840 --> 00:52:59,920
Speaker 3: relationship and how do you build that so that you

1181
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:02,360
Speaker 3: all and all of us can be in these relationships

1182
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 3: that where we really ultimately feel like we're with the

1183
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:07,560
Speaker 3: person who we can put our heart in their hands, right,

1184
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:09,439
Speaker 3: And so for me, like I can put my heart

1185
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 3: in Craig's hands, and I know he ain't gonna just

1186
00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:13,120
Speaker 3: like squish it up. It's gonna be like a situation

1187
00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 3: where it's gonna be it's gonna be like that surgeon

1188
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 3: who's like, this is the last heart we got, We

1189
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 3: got have to put this in this person's boy, this

1190
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 3: is all we have in the world. So I think

1191
00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 3: that's really important for me to be in that space

1192
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:28,400
Speaker 3: and to be emotionally and psychologically safe, right, And the

1193
00:53:28,480 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 3: relationship is really really important.

1194
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:32,480
Speaker 2: Y'all get there though, when you look at twenty nine

1195
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:36,040
Speaker 2: years how did you get to a place? You got

1196
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:37,760
Speaker 2: this grown twenty four year.

1197
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 10: Old, you know, you.

1198
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 2: Got this twenty nine year old and y'all dating, and

1199
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 2: y'all trying to figure out why y'all are because a

1200
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 2: lot of times, Kadija and Craig y'all too young to

1201
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:52,640
Speaker 2: be getting married. You know, y'all get married at twenty

1202
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 2: fold twenty y'all don't even know each y'all't even know

1203
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 2: y'all selves, So y'all shouldn't even get married, which I

1204
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:02,399
Speaker 2: literally debunked that ideaology, uh, in my book Student of Love.

1205
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 2: But a lot of times people think that y'all too young.

1206
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 2: Go learn a little bit, go experience, find out who

1207
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 2: you are, and then after you know who you are,

1208
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 2: then get married and that makes a healthier relationship. And

1209
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:18,839
Speaker 2: so how did y'all deal with the becoming of yourselves

1210
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,760
Speaker 2: and the becoming of a wife and title of a husband,

1211
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:25,160
Speaker 2: and how y'all find safety with each other while just

1212
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 2: trying to navigate just life as a whole.

1213
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, you want to go first, you know what. I

1214
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,279
Speaker 3: think one of the most important things really for me

1215
00:54:33,320 --> 00:54:36,439
Speaker 3: was being open to the fact that I was really

1216
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:39,280
Speaker 3: independent as a young person. I was in my mind

1217
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 3: self sufficient in some ways, and I wanted to make

1218
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 3: sure that what I knew that I had to I'm

1219
00:54:44,440 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 3: gonna have to give up some of this right, some

1220
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 3: of this ego. I had to kind of figure out,

1221
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 3: like how to try to focus on being more vulnerable

1222
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 3: as a woman. I think that was hard for me

1223
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 3: because I was so used to fixing things for so

1224
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 3: many other people, and so being vulnerable was one those

1225
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 3: things I know, I.

1226
00:55:06,120 --> 00:55:09,960
Speaker 1: Think didn't I think I brought out here for a reason.

1227
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 3: That we used to you know, listen, we've been running

1228
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 3: you know, you run them life, you're trying to you know,

1229
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,400
Speaker 3: you're doing all these things. And so so for me

1230
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 3: to be able to have someone who I could say,

1231
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 3: oh wait, holds up, I can have you help me

1232
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,480
Speaker 3: in this Like that's that's hard, right, but it was beautiful.

1233
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 3: That is hard. It is hard, right, But I think

1234
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 3: that's how we got there because I had to start

1235
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 3: to sit back to and say, girl, let him help you,

1236
00:55:35,280 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 3: like you know, you're helping everybody else. Girl, let him

1237
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:37,920
Speaker 3: help you.

1238
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:37,960
Speaker 7: You know.

1239
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 3: And that was that was a moment for me when

1240
00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 3: when when I started to do that, it changed a

1241
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:45,839
Speaker 3: lot of things, Like the argument stopped on some things.

1242
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,360
Speaker 3: We were ladying by some of the simplest things and

1243
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 3: I was like, well we aren't about that, and he's like,

1244
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:52,319
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to help you. I'm like, oh help

1245
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 3: me for he was like, because that's what I do.

1246
00:55:58,280 --> 00:55:58,960
Speaker 2: I want to help you.

1247
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 3: And I'm like okay. And once I got to that

1248
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 3: place where I was like, yeah, well that's the thing though,

1249
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:08,160
Speaker 3: right for for the kindness. So when I got past

1250
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 3: those things and I was like, girl, let this man

1251
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,239
Speaker 3: help you. Child, You've been asking for somebody to be

1252
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 3: here for you and then you got to help come

1253
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:16,720
Speaker 3: on now. And that was actually really a game changer

1254
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:18,959
Speaker 3: for me and my own experience. I think in terms

1255
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 3: of the relationship, and then I think for you, Craig,

1256
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:22,200
Speaker 3: you do.

1257
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:22,879
Speaker 4: You want to do it.

1258
00:56:26,480 --> 00:56:29,400
Speaker 8: To set you out?

1259
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 7: And for you, well, it's been our journey, you know,

1260
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 7: coming from a personality type that is used to helping

1261
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,359
Speaker 7: and having someone who wants to help you is kind

1262
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 7: of awkward, Like why you want to do why you

1263
00:56:48,640 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 7: want to do that?

1264
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 8: I'm used to being doing that. And so.

1265
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 4: We use this term like we.

1266
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,480
Speaker 7: Try to outdo each other in goodness we try to

1267
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:01,360
Speaker 7: that's we try to outdo each other and good we

1268
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:02,560
Speaker 7: don't try to outdo each.

1269
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:04,839
Speaker 4: Other and other stuff and like who gets the most likes?

1270
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,279
Speaker 3: Like I'm not on social media that much, He's not

1271
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:09,000
Speaker 3: on social at all?

1272
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:10,799
Speaker 8: Right, Like that, it's like.

1273
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:12,200
Speaker 4: How do we just can.

1274
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 7: Do these things just for the joy of it. But then,

1275
00:57:18,120 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 7: as you know, trust is built over time, and I

1276
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:25,440
Speaker 7: trusted her like on this journey when we first got married,

1277
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 7: and then this this this milestones when you go, wow,

1278
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 7: we're still here. Wow that that that argument didn't didn't

1279
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 7: cause us to break up. Or say things. The one

1280
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:45,440
Speaker 7: one instance that I remember, we were moved into the

1281
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 7: house and look about so so so. On the weekends

1282
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 7: a lot, her mom used to come over, right, So

1283
00:57:55,320 --> 00:58:00,439
Speaker 7: one Friday, her mom, her mom came over. I picked

1284
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 7: them up from the train station, and for some reason,

1285
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 7: soon we get in the car, she and I bickering

1286
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 7: about I can't remember what, but all the way home

1287
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:09,680
Speaker 7: it was like a ten minute drive home, we bickering.

1288
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,080
Speaker 7: We're in the house for like twenty minutes, we bickering,

1289
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 7: and then I was like, oh, it's seven o'clock. We

1290
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,959
Speaker 7: got this dinner reservation. The argument was over. Her mother

1291
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:21,880
Speaker 7: was like, what the hell just happened? Because her mom

1292
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 7: had always made like arguments always ascarated to the different

1293
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,760
Speaker 7: types of of your mom and s head, but different

1294
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 7: types of intensity. I did that way. And then when

1295
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 7: we went to dinner, she said, I gotta ask you

1296
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:39,320
Speaker 7: our question. How was yall able to turn it off?

1297
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 7: And this be at this dinner like nothing like five

1298
00:58:41,480 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 7: minutes ago. But it was just that moment, right, But

1299
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 7: because we had we had trust that that was just

1300
00:58:48,040 --> 00:58:48,640
Speaker 7: a moment.

1301
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 4: It wasn't. It wasn't a relationship.

1302
00:58:51,160 --> 00:58:54,360
Speaker 7: And to be honest, it's still a journey, right, and

1303
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 7: it's the it's the beauty part of this work where

1304
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 7: you still could find that you still have other things

1305
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:03,960
Speaker 7: and about yourself, you still can share and that person

1306
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,440
Speaker 7: is learning about you in a good way. Like you

1307
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:09,600
Speaker 7: got bigger aspirations, you got bigger dreams.

1308
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 4: You know.

1309
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:12,280
Speaker 7: We getting to an age like, so, what's next? Our

1310
00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 7: kids are grown now, my kids are finishing college. You've

1311
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 7: done this, you're doing the things in your career.

1312
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 4: What's next for us?

1313
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 7: What's next for you? How can I support? She's asking

1314
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:24,960
Speaker 7: me the same question, Craig, what do you want to

1315
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 7: do next? And so we get a chance to slowly

1316
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:33,360
Speaker 7: and properly reveal ourselves and put ourselves on the tape,

1317
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:36,120
Speaker 7: to make ourselves vulnerable, to let each other know that

1318
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 7: we still need each other throughout your journey.

1319
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 2: Let me ask you, how did y'all learn how to

1320
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:42,800
Speaker 2: not build monuments out of a moment?

1321
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:49,760
Speaker 3: M I think for me personally, I just recognize that

1322
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 3: I've seen what the result is. And you can lose

1323
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 3: a lot of a lot of trusting each other and

1324
00:59:56,200 --> 01:00:00,840
Speaker 3: also real respect when people tier other down. And so

1325
01:00:01,080 --> 01:00:03,560
Speaker 3: even when we argue, we had some rules about how

1326
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,919
Speaker 3: we debate, like you know, you can't. You can debate

1327
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:08,280
Speaker 3: the issue, but don't tear each other down, like you

1328
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 3: can't call you know, name call in. This is some

1329
01:00:10,600 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 3: things we don't do. We don't you know, you ain't

1330
01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:14,439
Speaker 3: no good, we don't do that, right. It's like, no, no,

1331
01:00:14,640 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 3: let me tell you how I felt in the moment.

1332
01:00:16,360 --> 01:00:19,000
Speaker 3: Let me tell you how you hurt me. Or let

1333
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:20,920
Speaker 3: me say when you said that you hurt me, because

1334
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 3: this is and then when you do it that way,

1335
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:24,480
Speaker 3: it's a whole other thing because now it's like, wait,

1336
01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 3: hold up, your feelings are real, Like I was hurt

1337
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:27,920
Speaker 3: by that.

1338
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 2: You can't.

1339
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:29,920
Speaker 3: I can't tell him he wasn't hurt because when he

1340
01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:31,920
Speaker 3: says he was hurt, then I'm like, okay, well that

1341
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:35,080
Speaker 3: wasn't my intention, right, So now it's about what do

1342
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 3: we what's the real thing we're trying to debate because

1343
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:40,080
Speaker 3: I think sometimes too, you know, oftentimes we were arguing

1344
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 3: about something, but it's not even about that thing, So

1345
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:45,760
Speaker 3: what is underlying here? Like what's that under the surface?

1346
01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:47,919
Speaker 3: So I'm like, what's the real thing? And sometimes Craig

1347
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 3: we used to go he was like, cause, what's the

1348
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:51,360
Speaker 3: real thing yit, baby, what's the real thing, because you're

1349
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 3: saying this, but it's not really that. It has to

1350
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:57,280
Speaker 3: be about something else. And I'm like, okay, well that's true. Yeah,

1351
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,160
Speaker 3: but those are the kinds of things should be able.

1352
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:02,439
Speaker 3: So people have to know each other enough one, I think,

1353
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 3: to care for each other, because that's what I'm saying.

1354
01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:06,919
Speaker 3: You have to like the person, you have to care

1355
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 3: for the person, and the love will grow when you

1356
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 3: do those things right. But but it can't. When I

1357
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:14,280
Speaker 3: first my Craig, I wasn't he was cute all but

1358
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:15,960
Speaker 3: I didn't know him like to be. I wasn't on

1359
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 3: romanticized by the whole thing. It wasn't hoiw I got

1360
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 3: to understand who he was in his heart that I

1361
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 3: started to say, Oh, I really like him. He's a

1362
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:26,240
Speaker 3: nice person. His soul is kind, he is a purified soul.

1363
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:26,400
Speaker 6: Oh.

1364
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 3: I love this fact that he thinks about all these

1365
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:30,920
Speaker 3: other things. So but I didn't know that from the outset.

1366
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:33,800
Speaker 3: I had to know that by knowing him better, right,

1367
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:35,040
Speaker 3: So I feel like a lot of.

1368
01:01:37,480 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 8: I mean, she had to learn what was underneath that

1369
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 8: budget uniform.

1370
01:01:45,200 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 7: That's right around the intensity of being intensity in the moment.

1371
01:01:50,640 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 7: One thing I I think we have grown and is

1372
01:01:55,680 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 7: a lot of times and those intense moments when someone

1373
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 7: is expressing how they feel, sometimes we like to say, well,

1374
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:05,600
Speaker 7: you do the same thing.

1375
01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 8: And what we.

1376
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 7: Had to come to the agreement on is like, let's

1377
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 7: stay in a moment, let me own whoever it is,

1378
01:02:13,560 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 7: let me own my part of it, and not go, well,

1379
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 7: well you do the same thing, and so like this

1380
01:02:18,520 --> 01:02:22,200
Speaker 7: has some adult ownership or some of our own issues.

1381
01:02:22,520 --> 01:02:24,840
Speaker 7: We can get to the other stuff later, but not

1382
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:28,280
Speaker 7: like discredit how you feel and what your experience was

1383
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:31,120
Speaker 7: and so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's go some time.

1384
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1385
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:36,600
Speaker 5: So a lot of people would say, like, man, marriage

1386
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:38,760
Speaker 5: is too that sounds too challenging.

1387
01:02:39,160 --> 01:02:39,640
Speaker 3: It sounds a.

1388
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:42,160
Speaker 5: Little bit like struggle of like y'all, y'all been together

1389
01:02:42,240 --> 01:02:46,440
Speaker 5: for twenty nine years, but y'all still argue, Like I

1390
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,439
Speaker 5: got more peace alone because right like now, people say,

1391
01:02:49,520 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 5: I don't really need to get married. I'll just switch

1392
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 5: the person out. This way, I don't have to do

1393
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 5: the work. I don't have to argue because I don't

1394
01:02:57,560 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 5: want to be trying to.

1395
01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 3: You know, I got it, learned them.

1396
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:02,920
Speaker 5: And that sounds like a lot of work, and I

1397
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:04,600
Speaker 5: just have so much peace alone.

1398
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,560
Speaker 3: What would you say to that? Yeah, I mean there's

1399
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:11,040
Speaker 3: just you know, listen, I don't knock people for whatever

1400
01:03:11,080 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 3: they choose to do with their own lives. If they

1401
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 3: choose to be solo and they that's sort of what

1402
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:18,960
Speaker 3: they think fulfills them, that is okay. But for me,

1403
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,720
Speaker 3: as a person who loves humanity, I like to be

1404
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:24,760
Speaker 3: with people. I love to be in a relationship with

1405
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 3: a mate that understands me and is simply trying to

1406
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 3: grow themselves and I'm trying to grow to It's something beautiful,

1407
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 3: really beautiful about growing with somebody, right, And see, It's like,

1408
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:36,560
Speaker 3: I mean, look, you know, when you have children, it's

1409
01:03:36,560 --> 01:03:39,320
Speaker 3: a different situation because you're literally trying to raise people.

1410
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 3: But when you're in a relationship, as you know, a

1411
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:46,600
Speaker 3: married couple, there's something beautiful when you connect with someone

1412
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:49,480
Speaker 3: else's soul and you have decided that you want to

1413
01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:52,680
Speaker 3: grow together. It's a choice. And so for me it's

1414
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:55,440
Speaker 3: just a beautiful choice. And to have someone like Craig

1415
01:03:56,760 --> 01:03:59,120
Speaker 3: stand beside me and work with me on all the

1416
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:00,640
Speaker 3: things in life that I want to do and the

1417
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:02,520
Speaker 3: things that he wants to do, right, there for him.

1418
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:05,080
Speaker 3: It's great. I mean, it's nothing like it. It's just

1419
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:08,120
Speaker 3: you know, and again it's being chosen and choosing at

1420
01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 3: the same time. And I think that's for me, that's

1421
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:12,160
Speaker 3: just a wonderful thing. So I don't knock people who

1422
01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:13,840
Speaker 3: don't want to be married. I get it if if

1423
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:15,240
Speaker 3: that's something they don't want to put the work in

1424
01:04:15,240 --> 01:04:18,439
Speaker 3: for it, because marriage is work, but it's beautiful work.

1425
01:04:18,560 --> 01:04:20,240
Speaker 3: It's a beautiful struggle in my opinion.

1426
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 7: Yeah, correct, echo what Kadizus said that we don't knock

1427
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:29,920
Speaker 7: people for their choice.

1428
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:32,000
Speaker 4: We just know what works for us.

1429
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:34,600
Speaker 7: And yes, it's been twenty nine years.

1430
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:38,920
Speaker 4: It doesn't seem like twenty nine years, right, It seems

1431
01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 4: like yesterday.

1432
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 7: Right, it seems like and you look up and go,

1433
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:44,440
Speaker 7: oh my gosh, it's been twenty nine years.

1434
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:44,959
Speaker 4: Now.

1435
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:48,280
Speaker 7: I know people who've been married two years and he

1436
01:04:48,360 --> 01:04:50,400
Speaker 7: feels like it's been one hundred years.

1437
01:04:50,480 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 4: Yep, yep, right, And I want to I want to

1438
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:57,040
Speaker 4: use this word carefully.

1439
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:03,920
Speaker 7: You know, people don't they don't submit to marriage, right

1440
01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:06,720
Speaker 7: and the work that it entails to get there.

1441
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 4: And I submit. Oh, I know that could be.

1442
01:05:09,880 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 8: Cuss words, right, Oh, that's what the man wants like,

1443
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:13,640
Speaker 8: we don't. We don't use that.

1444
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 7: In in our relationship. Submit, we don't use roles in

1445
01:05:16,840 --> 01:05:19,760
Speaker 7: the house. It's like whoever is available, if the dishes

1446
01:05:19,840 --> 01:05:22,880
Speaker 7: is done, I get home first, I'm doing the dishes.

1447
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:23,920
Speaker 4: If I'm home.

1448
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 7: Right and it's time to cook, it's time to cook.

1449
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:29,200
Speaker 7: It's not like has a role, I have a roll.

1450
01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 12: You got the trash too young, I said, well, baby.

1451
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 7: So yeah, so that that piece around like, it's a lot.

1452
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 4: Yes, it is a lot of work.

1453
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:55,200
Speaker 8: But I can imagine choosing to have to.

1454
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:57,080
Speaker 4: Swap you have to use the term swap out.

1455
01:05:58,440 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 2: That's a lot of words.

1456
01:05:59,720 --> 01:06:00,640
Speaker 3: That's a lot of words.

1457
01:06:01,600 --> 01:06:05,120
Speaker 8: That's a lot of no return on investment, right that part.

1458
01:06:05,360 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 2: I want you to say that again, return on investment, right, Yeah,

1459
01:06:11,280 --> 01:06:12,320
Speaker 2: the whole way.

1460
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:16,320
Speaker 4: I don't believe God is the all norm.

1461
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:20,720
Speaker 7: I firmly believe I would not be who I am

1462
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:23,400
Speaker 7: and what I do without this one here.

1463
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:23,919
Speaker 2: It is.

1464
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:26,400
Speaker 4: Bottom line.

1465
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:31,400
Speaker 7: I make no bones about that at all. Right, And

1466
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:35,120
Speaker 7: this is front and center. This has to be front

1467
01:06:35,200 --> 01:06:38,040
Speaker 7: center after God. This is front and center in our life.

1468
01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:40,440
Speaker 2: Let me ask you this, Craig uh. You talk to

1469
01:06:40,480 --> 01:06:46,000
Speaker 2: a lot of successful black men yes, what do they

1470
01:06:46,080 --> 01:06:49,080
Speaker 2: say is the tension in the dating pool? What do

1471
01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 2: they say is the challenge? And those who desire marriage.

1472
01:06:55,400 --> 01:07:00,440
Speaker 7: From the male perspective, I think that again, it depends

1473
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:01,280
Speaker 7: on their age range.

1474
01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 4: I talk to younger men and men from what age

1475
01:07:05,040 --> 01:07:06,320
Speaker 4: you say young to what.

1476
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:11,240
Speaker 7: I would say, I'm talking those thirty ish on up

1477
01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:12,120
Speaker 7: to my age.

1478
01:07:13,120 --> 01:07:15,800
Speaker 4: Your age is what I'm be approaching. I'll be sixty

1479
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:16,360
Speaker 4: in November.

1480
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 2: Yeah it is.

1481
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:21,240
Speaker 4: And so you know, you're talking about folks who are young.

1482
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:26,560
Speaker 7: Men, who are degreed, who have careers, who have built things,

1483
01:07:26,600 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 7: who have worked on themselves and through all the aspects

1484
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:34,600
Speaker 7: of mental health, physical health, all those things, spiritual health.

1485
01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:40,080
Speaker 7: And so they are ready and they sometimes men are

1486
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:45,080
Speaker 7: getting a bad rap about dang ready. And what I

1487
01:07:45,120 --> 01:07:47,960
Speaker 7: hear from the men I know who are standing on business,

1488
01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:52,760
Speaker 7: they are not willing to sacrifice their peace and well

1489
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:56,520
Speaker 7: being to deal with crazy. And the crazy comes in

1490
01:07:56,560 --> 01:07:59,640
Speaker 7: a lot of different forms. It's not just the sister

1491
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:01,760
Speaker 7: and the street. It could also be the sister in

1492
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:05,160
Speaker 7: the boatroom and they're like, you know what, I will

1493
01:08:05,320 --> 01:08:08,200
Speaker 7: rather exit out and let me be labeled.

1494
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:09,200
Speaker 8: I can't deal with.

1495
01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:09,720
Speaker 4: A strong woman.

1496
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:12,360
Speaker 7: No, I don't deal with crazy, And I'm not going

1497
01:08:12,400 --> 01:08:14,560
Speaker 7: to deal with crazy. And I will go ahead and

1498
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:17,600
Speaker 7: continue to search for my queen or my maid or

1499
01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:20,960
Speaker 7: my my partner some other form. But I'm not going

1500
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:23,919
Speaker 7: to stay in something because I have worked on myself

1501
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:28,200
Speaker 7: and I'm not giving this up just because and and

1502
01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 7: and they and they are steadfast abound staying away from

1503
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:33,320
Speaker 7: crazy at all costs.

1504
01:08:33,479 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 1: So define what they see crazy.

1505
01:08:35,800 --> 01:08:38,120
Speaker 8: As it runs.

1506
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:42,680
Speaker 4: It runs the gamut of it could be narcissism.

1507
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:44,960
Speaker 8: And I think we used this word earlier in terms

1508
01:08:44,960 --> 01:08:46,080
Speaker 8: of I've made it.

1509
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:50,080
Speaker 7: I got a successful career, I got followers, I got all.

1510
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:51,760
Speaker 8: This stuff, and you don't. You ain't living up to

1511
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:52,880
Speaker 8: my to my.

1512
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:54,160
Speaker 4: Standard, or you know.

1513
01:08:54,439 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 7: Or people are dealing with untreated trauma and and toxic

1514
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:03,320
Speaker 7: lifestyles that are getting in aware of them being their

1515
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:07,559
Speaker 7: best selves, let alone trying to be a partner for someone.

1516
01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 7: So they are still getting aware of their own best

1517
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:13,040
Speaker 7: selves because they haven't dealt with their own trauma, untreated trauma.

1518
01:09:14,200 --> 01:09:20,200
Speaker 2: And so you're finding marriage minded men who aren't getting

1519
01:09:20,240 --> 01:09:24,160
Speaker 2: married currently because they feel like they're just running into

1520
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:26,720
Speaker 2: a lot of toxic women. But then a lot of

1521
01:09:26,800 --> 01:09:29,679
Speaker 2: men have to carry the burden of if you want

1522
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:32,320
Speaker 2: to get married, you could just get married. But who

1523
01:09:32,400 --> 01:09:37,840
Speaker 2: they're choosing are women that aren't women that they can

1524
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:40,519
Speaker 2: see as wives. Basically, yeah, yeah, some.

1525
01:09:42,400 --> 01:09:43,519
Speaker 4: What I've heard some of them.

1526
01:09:43,600 --> 01:09:46,720
Speaker 7: Some they feel some women are addicted to the lifestyle

1527
01:09:47,160 --> 01:09:52,080
Speaker 7: of being single and being pursued, not because they want

1528
01:09:52,120 --> 01:09:52,479
Speaker 7: to be caught.

1529
01:09:52,479 --> 01:09:53,599
Speaker 4: They just like being pursued.

1530
01:09:54,439 --> 01:09:57,439
Speaker 2: See. People don't talk about that part that they like

1531
01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,000
Speaker 2: the attention, the attention.

1532
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:00,599
Speaker 1: They like the attention of.

1533
01:10:00,439 --> 01:10:04,400
Speaker 2: Being that girl, that woman that a lot of dudes

1534
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:07,800
Speaker 2: look at on social media, look her at on the

1535
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:10,280
Speaker 2: job and be like Ooh, I want her, and they

1536
01:10:10,439 --> 01:10:13,120
Speaker 2: like and then you'll see it show up when they

1537
01:10:13,120 --> 01:10:15,200
Speaker 2: get married. A lot of times they'll end up get

1538
01:10:15,200 --> 01:10:18,920
Speaker 2: married and they'll still seek that attention. I'm not gonna

1539
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:22,599
Speaker 2: speak about a specific person, but it was this couple,

1540
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:27,559
Speaker 2: this NBA star whose wife said that she doesn't feel

1541
01:10:27,600 --> 01:10:30,400
Speaker 2: desirable anymore because a lot of men don't hit on

1542
01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:31,040
Speaker 2: her anymore.

1543
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:33,400
Speaker 1: And this man is.

1544
01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:37,000
Speaker 2: A high level basketball player, And I was like, what

1545
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:39,759
Speaker 2: would that make me feel like if my wife said

1546
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:43,760
Speaker 2: that she doesn't feel desirable because other men aren't hitting

1547
01:10:43,760 --> 01:10:46,200
Speaker 2: on her, I'll be like a message.

1548
01:10:46,320 --> 01:10:48,120
Speaker 1: Like is that what you that's what you want?

1549
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:49,160
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

1550
01:10:49,360 --> 01:10:51,800
Speaker 2: But she went viral saying that, and I was like

1551
01:10:52,120 --> 01:10:54,519
Speaker 2: and then some women was like why I kind of

1552
01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:58,160
Speaker 2: understand because you do want to know that you're desirable

1553
01:10:58,240 --> 01:11:01,680
Speaker 2: by a lot of men. And I'm like, what, Like,

1554
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:05,360
Speaker 2: I've never ever thought like as a as a married man,

1555
01:11:05,400 --> 01:11:08,599
Speaker 2: I never sit there and say, Astley, I mean all

1556
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:11,400
Speaker 2: these stalker women that used to stop me while I

1557
01:11:11,439 --> 01:11:16,720
Speaker 2: was single, I missed them. They used to wish I

1558
01:11:16,760 --> 01:11:19,240
Speaker 2: was getting gifts like I used to. I just I

1559
01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:22,200
Speaker 2: just don't feel desirable anymore. It's like, no, that's called

1560
01:11:22,240 --> 01:11:26,360
Speaker 2: a midlife crisis. So it's like, where does that come

1561
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:29,639
Speaker 2: into play. You're about to say something.

1562
01:11:29,479 --> 01:11:34,000
Speaker 7: About, you know, just thinking about what people can get

1563
01:11:34,040 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 7: caught up in the attention they get for from others

1564
01:11:38,080 --> 01:11:39,839
Speaker 7: around getting married.

1565
01:11:40,920 --> 01:11:42,760
Speaker 8: Right, you're getting married.

1566
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:45,360
Speaker 7: You know you're gonna right, but how many Well there

1567
01:11:45,560 --> 01:11:49,800
Speaker 7: is the same attention on yourself there for the work

1568
01:11:49,840 --> 01:11:51,839
Speaker 7: of the of the marriage life.

1569
01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:52,559
Speaker 2: It is.

1570
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:56,840
Speaker 4: It's not it's not about getting married, right, because you

1571
01:11:56,880 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 4: know how much we spend on our way probably.

1572
01:12:00,120 --> 01:12:03,240
Speaker 3: Like I was gonna say, fifteen hundred but maybe eighteen

1573
01:12:03,320 --> 01:12:06,240
Speaker 3: hundred dollars. Yeah, we had a budget wedding. Like we said,

1574
01:12:06,240 --> 01:12:07,960
Speaker 3: we had no money really and my husband's I worked

1575
01:12:07,960 --> 01:12:11,400
Speaker 3: at budget and you had a budget. That's right, he

1576
01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:13,000
Speaker 3: said to me. He was like, we're not going into

1577
01:12:13,040 --> 01:12:15,400
Speaker 3: debt over a wedding. We're gonna use what we have.

1578
01:12:15,520 --> 01:12:17,760
Speaker 3: We're gonna get people to help us. And we had

1579
01:12:17,760 --> 01:12:20,400
Speaker 3: a friend who gave us a discount on catering. People

1580
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:24,200
Speaker 3: are putting the decorations up and the master we literally

1581
01:12:24,439 --> 01:12:28,240
Speaker 3: we used my uncle's time share for our honeymoon Saint Martin.

1582
01:12:28,439 --> 01:12:29,800
Speaker 3: I mean it was like and then we came back

1583
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:31,240
Speaker 3: and he was like, we're just not gonna go into debt.

1584
01:12:31,280 --> 01:12:31,720
Speaker 2: We don't have to.

1585
01:12:34,200 --> 01:12:37,080
Speaker 3: Listen. And then we went to all them darned time

1586
01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:37,360
Speaker 3: she had.

1587
01:12:37,400 --> 01:12:43,240
Speaker 2: Means yeah, yeah, yeah, everything an hour and a half

1588
01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:43,599
Speaker 2: to sit.

1589
01:12:44,720 --> 01:12:46,280
Speaker 3: In fact, I said him one day, I said, listen,

1590
01:12:46,400 --> 01:12:48,320
Speaker 3: we havepping through our honeymoon. Now we're going no more

1591
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:50,439
Speaker 3: meetings anything else. We had a free boat ride, a

1592
01:12:50,439 --> 01:12:52,400
Speaker 3: free carving to a free I said, a free day.

1593
01:12:52,479 --> 01:12:53,160
Speaker 3: I said, that's enough.

1594
01:12:54,000 --> 01:12:56,920
Speaker 2: Can do that.

1595
01:12:58,400 --> 01:13:01,040
Speaker 1: We can upgrade the room. We're gonna try to get.

1596
01:13:00,600 --> 01:13:03,479
Speaker 3: Say, I mean that we do what you gotta do.

1597
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:06,519
Speaker 1: Said, We're not gonna buy it.

1598
01:13:06,520 --> 01:13:09,880
Speaker 3: We're going to the beach. Right after that, my stomach growling.

1599
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:10,760
Speaker 3: Can we go eat?

1600
01:13:10,920 --> 01:13:12,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, they said you come and eat with you with

1601
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:14,679
Speaker 2: one of my part of the presentation, that man sitting

1602
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:16,360
Speaker 2: across the table while were eating. I was like, this

1603
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:22,680
Speaker 2: is crazy, yeah, exactly.

1604
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:25,600
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. Do you know the first book I

1605
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:28,840
Speaker 3: gave you, Smart Money Moves for African Americans.

1606
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:32,320
Speaker 8: So our first conversation was really about.

1607
01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:35,240
Speaker 3: Financing money in the future, building wealth.

1608
01:13:35,360 --> 01:13:35,519
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1609
01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:36,800
Speaker 3: He was like, and he said, I need you to

1610
01:13:36,840 --> 01:13:39,280
Speaker 3: read this book. Talk to you about this book. I

1611
01:13:39,280 --> 01:13:42,080
Speaker 3: was like, okay, I'm still trying to get smart with

1612
01:13:49,280 --> 01:13:51,559
Speaker 3: I'm trying to stay right on that track my head.

1613
01:13:52,200 --> 01:13:53,880
Speaker 3: But he did. He was very he was very This

1614
01:13:53,960 --> 01:13:55,040
Speaker 3: is the thing too that I was going to say,

1615
01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:56,960
Speaker 3: and I'm glad you said that, because the truth is

1616
01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,519
Speaker 3: that so Craig was very well read. I mean he

1617
01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:02,400
Speaker 3: is still to this day, but he was very well read.

1618
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:04,160
Speaker 3: And there were books that we could talk about, things

1619
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:05,760
Speaker 3: that we read that I can connect with him on

1620
01:14:05,880 --> 01:14:07,920
Speaker 3: and just experiences and I would say, oh my gosh.

1621
01:14:07,960 --> 01:14:10,160
Speaker 3: And at one point I said, did you like go

1622
01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:11,880
Speaker 3: to law school some because he'd always try. I thought

1623
01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:13,400
Speaker 3: he was a lawyer and then he's like, not just

1624
01:14:13,400 --> 01:14:17,280
Speaker 3: play one on TV. But he had all these you know,

1625
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:20,240
Speaker 3: he had the vernacular, he had the intellect, and he

1626
01:14:20,280 --> 01:14:22,439
Speaker 3: also had the curiosity, which I thought was really great,

1627
01:14:22,920 --> 01:14:24,519
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. And that excited me too.

1628
01:14:24,560 --> 01:14:26,040
Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, this is a guy who

1629
01:14:26,080 --> 01:14:29,000
Speaker 3: likes to learn. He's a life learner. I love life learners.

1630
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:31,160
Speaker 3: I'm just like people who like to learn, who are

1631
01:14:31,160 --> 01:14:34,479
Speaker 3: interested in things and people and understand just how big

1632
01:14:34,520 --> 01:14:36,559
Speaker 3: we are yet small at the same time, you know,

1633
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:40,800
Speaker 3: and just the interconnectedness of the humanity that we that

1634
01:14:40,840 --> 01:14:43,240
Speaker 3: we exist in. It's just it's fascinating. So for me,

1635
01:14:43,320 --> 01:14:45,599
Speaker 3: I was just super excited that, you know, he brought

1636
01:14:45,600 --> 01:14:47,600
Speaker 3: all those other little things this is That was the

1637
01:14:47,640 --> 01:14:49,439
Speaker 3: actually on the muscapitalist too, by the way.

1638
01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:51,679
Speaker 5: And I love what you said because so many women

1639
01:14:51,760 --> 01:14:53,639
Speaker 5: I hear them say like he has to make six

1640
01:14:53,720 --> 01:14:56,880
Speaker 5: figures or whatever that is. But if you when you

1641
01:14:56,920 --> 01:14:59,840
Speaker 5: look at the traits of a person, that's so much

1642
01:15:00,040 --> 01:15:03,160
Speaker 5: stronger because what you're really looking for is not the

1643
01:15:03,400 --> 01:15:06,880
Speaker 5: dollar assign attached to his job, right, because if he

1644
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:10,559
Speaker 5: loses his job tomorrow, and he's not ambitious, you're going

1645
01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:13,920
Speaker 5: to be homeless. So behind the money, you have to

1646
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:17,640
Speaker 5: unpack what those traits are about a person, because if

1647
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:20,800
Speaker 5: he's ambitious, when he loses the job, he's gonna still

1648
01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:23,519
Speaker 5: be ambitious and he's going to get another job. But

1649
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:26,439
Speaker 5: if you only look at the six figures, then what

1650
01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:30,240
Speaker 5: happens when he loses that, right, because that's the thing

1651
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:33,040
Speaker 5: that you're valuing, So it's only a self fulfilling prophecy.

1652
01:15:33,200 --> 01:15:35,360
Speaker 5: He gonna lose it and then you're gonna be stuck

1653
01:15:35,400 --> 01:15:38,639
Speaker 5: with somebody where you prioritize the fact that on paper

1654
01:15:38,680 --> 01:15:40,840
Speaker 5: they had this. Now when they don't have it, they

1655
01:15:40,840 --> 01:15:42,160
Speaker 5: don't know how to recover.

1656
01:15:41,960 --> 01:15:44,559
Speaker 2: That's right, and they and they can get to a

1657
01:15:44,600 --> 01:15:47,600
Speaker 2: place of want to unlive themselves because that's value is

1658
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:49,360
Speaker 2: only a tach y'all.

1659
01:15:49,360 --> 01:15:51,760
Speaker 1: Remember when Ronan.

1660
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:56,200
Speaker 2: Broke my heart to hear so many people can you know,

1661
01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:59,320
Speaker 2: I can't say the word on social but unlive themselves?

1662
01:15:59,400 --> 01:16:01,080
Speaker 1: Jumping off readis and stuff.

1663
01:16:00,840 --> 01:16:03,920
Speaker 2: Because the job went bankrupt because they lost their four

1664
01:16:04,040 --> 01:16:06,559
Speaker 2: one k and all that you need somebody whose value

1665
01:16:06,680 --> 01:16:09,040
Speaker 2: is attached to us in their bank account. And I

1666
01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:11,439
Speaker 2: was just like, wow, these people a company had that

1667
01:16:11,560 --> 01:16:14,720
Speaker 2: level of control. Fact that there's so many other companies

1668
01:16:14,760 --> 01:16:17,280
Speaker 2: to go work for. But because they felt like they

1669
01:16:17,439 --> 01:16:21,920
Speaker 2: lost their futures, that's their their four one k's their retirements.

1670
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:24,840
Speaker 2: They said, I no longer have value on this earth. Well,

1671
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:26,800
Speaker 2: you see, this is why come on.

1672
01:16:26,800 --> 01:16:28,840
Speaker 3: Teach, this is why I wrote this book to let

1673
01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:31,759
Speaker 3: me say this power, imagine power, we imagine my mission

1674
01:16:31,880 --> 01:16:34,280
Speaker 3: to get it, grow it and give it away. Because

1675
01:16:35,160 --> 01:16:37,360
Speaker 3: we live in a time of urgency where people have

1676
01:16:37,439 --> 01:16:39,720
Speaker 3: to be able to stand to their own power, but

1677
01:16:39,760 --> 01:16:41,960
Speaker 3: more importantly, for people to be able to understand that

1678
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:45,840
Speaker 3: their value is not connected to their titles, to their

1679
01:16:45,880 --> 01:16:48,200
Speaker 3: to where they work, to the companies, that we don't

1680
01:16:48,200 --> 01:16:51,120
Speaker 3: get built up by companies and jobs, that we come

1681
01:16:51,200 --> 01:16:54,000
Speaker 3: as people who get built up by communities and families,

1682
01:16:54,439 --> 01:16:59,120
Speaker 3: and that we in our essence right have innate qualities.

1683
01:16:59,400 --> 01:17:02,160
Speaker 3: Right as we talk about the Declaration of Independence, you know,

1684
01:17:02,320 --> 01:17:04,760
Speaker 3: all these inalible rights that we have. But more importantly,

1685
01:17:05,080 --> 01:17:08,960
Speaker 3: but God has given us these wonderful values and qualities

1686
01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:11,080
Speaker 3: that we have internally that we don't even know we

1687
01:17:11,120 --> 01:17:13,960
Speaker 3: oftentimes have because we don't tap into them. And so

1688
01:17:14,040 --> 01:17:16,600
Speaker 3: the power that we really are we own actually is

1689
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:18,639
Speaker 3: power that we get from outside of all these other

1690
01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:24,120
Speaker 3: things that we assign value to. Right And so for me, really,

1691
01:17:24,280 --> 01:17:25,920
Speaker 3: I know what it likes to feel powerless. I know

1692
01:17:25,920 --> 01:17:27,920
Speaker 3: what it's likes to feel powerless. I've been there right

1693
01:17:28,040 --> 01:17:30,920
Speaker 3: where people told you you weren't enough, you weren't supposed

1694
01:17:30,920 --> 01:17:32,360
Speaker 3: to be in the circle because you didn't do the

1695
01:17:32,439 --> 01:17:34,600
Speaker 3: right things, you don't know the right people. And so

1696
01:17:34,800 --> 01:17:36,960
Speaker 3: I wanted people to understand that this was a time

1697
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:39,720
Speaker 3: and place where we all should be thinking about who

1698
01:17:39,760 --> 01:17:42,160
Speaker 3: are we at our essence, what do we bring, what

1699
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:44,320
Speaker 3: power do we have, and then how do we use

1700
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:46,320
Speaker 3: that power to help other people? How do we share

1701
01:17:46,360 --> 01:17:48,439
Speaker 3: that power? And that's really what this book is about.

1702
01:17:48,560 --> 01:17:51,559
Speaker 3: So it's a it's a business book that is wrapped

1703
01:17:51,640 --> 01:17:53,880
Speaker 3: around a story that happens to be my life story,

1704
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:56,880
Speaker 3: but more importantly is a leadership journey about what it

1705
01:17:56,880 --> 01:17:59,120
Speaker 3: looks like to stand up in places that are not

1706
01:17:59,160 --> 01:18:01,640
Speaker 3: built for us, to leave with impact and integrity, and

1707
01:18:01,680 --> 01:18:04,680
Speaker 3: to help people understand how to use that power and

1708
01:18:04,720 --> 01:18:07,040
Speaker 3: that the power that we have at home is connected

1709
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:08,920
Speaker 3: to the power that we have in the world. It's

1710
01:18:08,920 --> 01:18:11,639
Speaker 3: not separate. You can never entangle it. And so people

1711
01:18:11,720 --> 01:18:13,840
Speaker 3: oftentimes think that when you're at work, you're one person

1712
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:16,160
Speaker 3: and you're home with somebody else. But I believe that

1713
01:18:16,240 --> 01:18:18,720
Speaker 3: who we are is who we are, and so that's

1714
01:18:18,720 --> 01:18:21,000
Speaker 3: really what this book is early about ultimately, and I want.

1715
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:22,960
Speaker 2: You all to go click the link in the description

1716
01:18:24,160 --> 01:18:27,200
Speaker 2: and go get this book. It's available on Amazon everywhere

1717
01:18:27,240 --> 01:18:29,680
Speaker 2: you purchase your favorite books. Make sure that you go

1718
01:18:29,840 --> 01:18:33,640
Speaker 2: get this book. You're about to say something, Craig.

1719
01:18:33,439 --> 01:18:35,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, I want to go back to something asking you

1720
01:18:35,160 --> 01:18:40,000
Speaker 7: you were mentioning around people. You know, people sometimes wanting

1721
01:18:40,520 --> 01:18:45,160
Speaker 7: a spouse with money, or do you want money? Somebody

1722
01:18:45,160 --> 01:18:46,840
Speaker 7: who makes a lot of money and they got a

1723
01:18:46,840 --> 01:18:50,040
Speaker 7: lot of power, right, But what good is that if.

1724
01:18:49,960 --> 01:18:52,719
Speaker 4: The person is not generous and kind?

1725
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:53,240
Speaker 2: Yep?

1726
01:18:53,400 --> 01:18:53,519
Speaker 6: Right?

1727
01:18:53,640 --> 01:18:53,880
Speaker 4: Right?

1728
01:18:53,920 --> 01:18:56,920
Speaker 7: So he can he in this case, he can have

1729
01:18:57,680 --> 01:19:00,200
Speaker 7: a lot of money. But if he's not generous, do.

1730
01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:01,000
Speaker 1: You never see it?

1731
01:19:01,439 --> 01:19:01,599
Speaker 2: Right?

1732
01:19:05,840 --> 01:19:07,719
Speaker 7: He's going to do line the way where it only

1733
01:19:07,760 --> 01:19:13,799
Speaker 7: benefits him. But he has power and he's not kind.

1734
01:19:14,479 --> 01:19:15,320
Speaker 4: How is that going to show?

1735
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:17,519
Speaker 8: Right?

1736
01:19:18,120 --> 01:19:21,040
Speaker 7: So, like, what are the things that again we talked about,

1737
01:19:21,120 --> 01:19:22,559
Speaker 7: what are the things that we value?

1738
01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:25,760
Speaker 4: There are the things that we believe that we actually truly.

1739
01:19:25,800 --> 01:19:29,479
Speaker 7: Need and desire in our relationships, and we need to

1740
01:19:29,479 --> 01:19:31,760
Speaker 7: just be really clear about what those things are and

1741
01:19:31,800 --> 01:19:32,280
Speaker 7: what they're not.

1742
01:19:33,160 --> 01:19:33,639
Speaker 3: That's good.

1743
01:19:34,720 --> 01:19:35,639
Speaker 2: Good, that's good.

1744
01:19:36,560 --> 01:19:37,960
Speaker 1: How long did it take you to write this book?

1745
01:19:38,760 --> 01:19:39,000
Speaker 8: You know?

1746
01:19:39,160 --> 01:19:41,559
Speaker 3: A little I would say a little bit less than

1747
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:44,479
Speaker 3: two years, baby, like a little over over a year

1748
01:19:44,479 --> 01:19:44,880
Speaker 3: and a half.

1749
01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:49,760
Speaker 2: In the process of writing, your learning about yourself on

1750
01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:53,519
Speaker 2: a different level of certain lessons that you are now uncovering,

1751
01:19:53,560 --> 01:19:55,840
Speaker 2: you go, wow, I remember I went through that. I

1752
01:19:55,840 --> 01:19:57,840
Speaker 2: didn't think I was gonna make it through that. What

1753
01:19:57,880 --> 01:19:59,960
Speaker 2: were some of those aha moments? As you was right,

1754
01:20:00,040 --> 01:20:02,880
Speaker 2: and Craig mentioned his homeboys reading the book and said,

1755
01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:03,519
Speaker 2: hold on.

1756
01:20:05,120 --> 01:20:06,200
Speaker 1: She'd have made you go through that.

1757
01:20:06,320 --> 01:20:11,000
Speaker 2: He was like, hey, listen, so what were some of

1758
01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:12,920
Speaker 2: those aha moments for you? You know?

1759
01:20:13,040 --> 01:20:15,240
Speaker 3: I think you know, writing is one of those processes

1760
01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:17,960
Speaker 3: where you it's so personal, but at the same time

1761
01:20:18,000 --> 01:20:20,240
Speaker 3: you know it's going to become so public, so you

1762
01:20:20,360 --> 01:20:21,800
Speaker 3: have to get out of your own head. I think

1763
01:20:21,800 --> 01:20:24,600
Speaker 3: at times where you start to self edit before you

1764
01:20:24,640 --> 01:20:27,200
Speaker 3: really get to put the truth down. So putting the

1765
01:20:27,200 --> 01:20:29,240
Speaker 3: truth down is so important first, I think, and then

1766
01:20:29,320 --> 01:20:31,479
Speaker 3: and then coming back later on and saying you know what, Okay,

1767
01:20:31,479 --> 01:20:33,320
Speaker 3: maybe I don't want to say that part right, But

1768
01:20:33,360 --> 01:20:35,880
Speaker 3: for me, the AHA moment really was that I wanted

1769
01:20:35,880 --> 01:20:38,559
Speaker 3: this to be a book that showed highs and lows.

1770
01:20:38,600 --> 01:20:39,880
Speaker 3: I didn't want it just to be like I did

1771
01:20:39,880 --> 01:20:42,120
Speaker 3: all these great things in life. I wanted people to know,

1772
01:20:42,200 --> 01:20:44,040
Speaker 3: like what it meant to be in the valley and

1773
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:47,280
Speaker 3: on the mountaintop, right, because I think so often we

1774
01:20:47,439 --> 01:20:51,000
Speaker 3: get excited about the end product going back to what

1775
01:20:51,040 --> 01:20:53,000
Speaker 3: as she was saying, right, but we don't want to

1776
01:20:53,000 --> 01:20:54,800
Speaker 3: hear REALI about what it took to get to get

1777
01:20:54,800 --> 01:20:56,840
Speaker 3: that diamond shining right, and how we had to cut

1778
01:20:56,840 --> 01:20:58,679
Speaker 3: that up and stuff like that. And so I felt

1779
01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:01,240
Speaker 3: like for me, I wanted people to recognize that this

1780
01:21:01,360 --> 01:21:05,680
Speaker 3: was really a story about how do we get powerful

1781
01:21:06,360 --> 01:21:08,840
Speaker 3: on an everyday basis, right, not when you like on

1782
01:21:08,920 --> 01:21:11,160
Speaker 3: a stage, like what does it mean to be powerful?

1783
01:21:11,240 --> 01:21:14,240
Speaker 3: Just like cleaning your dishes, walking to school, you know,

1784
01:21:14,479 --> 01:21:16,840
Speaker 3: driving your card work, Like what does that look like?

1785
01:21:16,880 --> 01:21:18,559
Speaker 3: And so I wanted people to have a real sense

1786
01:21:18,600 --> 01:21:21,559
Speaker 3: of the connectivity between what that looked like for me

1787
01:21:21,960 --> 01:21:24,280
Speaker 3: as an individual and what it can mean for other people,

1788
01:21:24,360 --> 01:21:26,960
Speaker 3: and particularly young people. I think who struggle with this

1789
01:21:27,080 --> 01:21:29,320
Speaker 3: notion of how they have to achieve certain things and

1790
01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:31,360
Speaker 3: get to certain places by a certain period of time.

1791
01:21:31,720 --> 01:21:34,439
Speaker 3: And I just thought, personally, I was a kid who was,

1792
01:21:34,520 --> 01:21:36,719
Speaker 3: as you know, at twenty four, who had a checklist

1793
01:21:36,960 --> 01:21:39,880
Speaker 3: on life about what needed to happen by when I

1794
01:21:39,920 --> 01:21:43,479
Speaker 3: needed to also tell people that we have to take breaks, right,

1795
01:21:43,720 --> 01:21:46,519
Speaker 3: because the truth is that, as you see in the book,

1796
01:21:46,600 --> 01:21:48,920
Speaker 3: there are times in the book where well, I don't

1797
01:21:48,920 --> 01:21:51,840
Speaker 3: do so well. Actually I lose it a little bit, right,

1798
01:21:51,920 --> 01:21:54,360
Speaker 3: There's some losses here, and I had to step back

1799
01:21:54,400 --> 01:21:58,200
Speaker 3: and redefine and reimagine what power really was. Because the

1800
01:21:58,320 --> 01:22:00,680
Speaker 3: lesson that I was taught about power was it a

1801
01:22:00,720 --> 01:22:02,920
Speaker 3: corrupt version of what power was. And so I needed

1802
01:22:02,920 --> 01:22:06,040
Speaker 3: to redefine and reimagine what power should be, what it

1803
01:22:06,120 --> 01:22:08,479
Speaker 3: can be, and hopefully what it will be for all

1804
01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:10,320
Speaker 3: of us. And so that's what I'm trying to help

1805
01:22:10,360 --> 01:22:13,200
Speaker 3: people understand about the power that we have and the

1806
01:22:13,240 --> 01:22:15,000
Speaker 3: power that we hold, and the power that we must

1807
01:22:15,040 --> 01:22:16,240
Speaker 3: share with other people.

1808
01:22:17,760 --> 01:22:21,960
Speaker 2: Good these That's amazing because even reading this book can

1809
01:22:22,000 --> 01:22:25,000
Speaker 2: help people understand, like you said, from their personal life,

1810
01:22:25,160 --> 01:22:28,760
Speaker 2: how to prioritize things of importance yeah, because even when

1811
01:22:28,760 --> 01:22:31,839
Speaker 2: you say that power the title or use the word power,

1812
01:22:32,320 --> 01:22:36,400
Speaker 2: you know, the first thing people go to is a

1813
01:22:36,520 --> 01:22:38,880
Speaker 2: high level of that. You know, I got to be

1814
01:22:38,960 --> 01:22:41,680
Speaker 2: the CEO of this. It's more of a control on

1815
01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:44,800
Speaker 2: a high level. Some may end up going to the

1816
01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:47,320
Speaker 2: TV show Power, you know what I'm saying, where that's

1817
01:22:47,400 --> 01:22:50,320
Speaker 2: a different corrupt level of power. That's instead of saying,

1818
01:22:50,360 --> 01:22:53,360
Speaker 2: how can I show up with power in my everyday life?

1819
01:22:53,560 --> 01:22:55,840
Speaker 2: It may be even hard just getting out the bed

1820
01:22:55,920 --> 01:22:58,680
Speaker 2: because people may be struggling with depression. But I'm going

1821
01:22:58,760 --> 01:23:01,800
Speaker 2: to take power over this situation and get up.

1822
01:23:02,040 --> 01:23:05,000
Speaker 3: And that's and that's in chapter what I'll tell you.

1823
01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:08,400
Speaker 3: I think it's chapter three the Power Tank. But no,

1824
01:23:08,439 --> 01:23:11,439
Speaker 3: but that's real and that too, right, because we have

1825
01:23:11,600 --> 01:23:14,360
Speaker 3: all these things that we are trying to accomplish oftentimes

1826
01:23:15,360 --> 01:23:17,719
Speaker 3: and we're checking off these lists, and we've been told

1827
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:21,120
Speaker 3: that power looks a certain way, right, and so we

1828
01:23:21,240 --> 01:23:24,320
Speaker 3: have to we have to dismantle this myth of what

1829
01:23:24,360 --> 01:23:26,439
Speaker 3: power really is and we have to reclaim it. And

1830
01:23:26,479 --> 01:23:29,360
Speaker 3: I think that's really what you know. Somebody said to

1831
01:23:29,400 --> 01:23:31,040
Speaker 3: the other day who was the principal of a school,

1832
01:23:31,040 --> 01:23:32,960
Speaker 3: and she said, I'm reading this book and I'm in tears,

1833
01:23:33,000 --> 01:23:34,920
Speaker 3: and I'm like, really, she says, you know what, because

1834
01:23:34,960 --> 01:23:38,160
Speaker 3: you actually you're helping me understand that I shouldn't be

1835
01:23:38,240 --> 01:23:40,680
Speaker 3: running from power, I should be running toward power so

1836
01:23:40,720 --> 01:23:43,320
Speaker 3: I can share with other people. I said, absolutely, we've been.

1837
01:23:43,439 --> 01:23:46,280
Speaker 3: We've been relinquishing our power, giving it up to other

1838
01:23:46,320 --> 01:23:49,600
Speaker 3: people so they can abuse it, and then not recognizing

1839
01:23:49,640 --> 01:23:51,680
Speaker 3: that we're not standing in our own power, with the

1840
01:23:51,760 --> 01:23:54,519
Speaker 3: rights that we have to be in that space, and

1841
01:23:54,600 --> 01:23:57,479
Speaker 3: losing it, and then we're wondering why things are crumbling

1842
01:23:57,520 --> 01:24:00,599
Speaker 3: around us. Right, So, so much for me is about

1843
01:24:00,640 --> 01:24:03,160
Speaker 3: making sure that we reclaim what we know we're supposed

1844
01:24:03,160 --> 01:24:05,160
Speaker 3: to have and do the right thing with it. God

1845
01:24:05,200 --> 01:24:07,160
Speaker 3: has given it to us for a reason. It's alone,

1846
01:24:07,479 --> 01:24:09,559
Speaker 3: it's a beautiful loan, and it's supposed to be used

1847
01:24:09,560 --> 01:24:11,600
Speaker 3: for good things, and that's what I'm hoping to do.

1848
01:24:12,080 --> 01:24:14,479
Speaker 2: We asked Craig a minute to go about what he

1849
01:24:14,479 --> 01:24:18,479
Speaker 2: hears from his single uh men that he talks to.

1850
01:24:18,920 --> 01:24:20,960
Speaker 2: What do you hear from the single women?

1851
01:24:21,800 --> 01:24:24,720
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I'm hearing a lot of things, but

1852
01:24:25,280 --> 01:24:30,439
Speaker 3: I can't say everything. No, right, right, But what I

1853
01:24:30,479 --> 01:24:32,519
Speaker 3: think I mean, Listen, I hear that it's hard out

1854
01:24:32,520 --> 01:24:34,320
Speaker 3: there of the day in game, it's hard out there.

1855
01:24:34,720 --> 01:24:38,799
Speaker 3: It's difficult. Sometimes you know, they're looking for the husband,

1856
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:41,879
Speaker 3: the brother to try to you know, get you know, uh,

1857
01:24:41,960 --> 01:24:45,479
Speaker 3: the marriage proposal hopefully. But at the same time, you know,

1858
01:24:45,520 --> 01:24:48,160
Speaker 3: I think sometimes people are not ready, right, and you know,

1859
01:24:48,200 --> 01:24:49,240
Speaker 3: we alluded to some of that.

1860
01:24:49,720 --> 01:24:52,559
Speaker 2: I think I have you told women that have spoken

1861
01:24:52,640 --> 01:24:55,439
Speaker 2: to you about Yeah, these men ain't stepping up, they're

1862
01:24:55,479 --> 01:24:58,880
Speaker 2: not doing this. And as you've been assessing them, you say,

1863
01:24:59,520 --> 01:25:01,360
Speaker 2: maybe you know, ready for marriage. Some stuff that you're

1864
01:25:01,360 --> 01:25:03,160
Speaker 2: saying right now ready?

1865
01:25:03,439 --> 01:25:06,320
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'll tell sis is easily to say, Okay,

1866
01:25:06,320 --> 01:25:08,760
Speaker 3: well listen you let me tell you about how sort

1867
01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:10,720
Speaker 3: of you're gonna need to work on yourself. Because the thing,

1868
01:25:10,760 --> 01:25:13,599
Speaker 3: a large part of what I think we miss is

1869
01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:16,240
Speaker 3: we want other people to be ready made, but we're

1870
01:25:16,280 --> 01:25:18,759
Speaker 3: not really ready to sort of come to the party

1871
01:25:19,600 --> 01:25:21,479
Speaker 3: prepare it either, quite honestly, and so we have to

1872
01:25:21,520 --> 01:25:23,280
Speaker 3: figure out some of those other pieces that are missing

1873
01:25:23,400 --> 01:25:25,680
Speaker 3: within ourselves. But I do I will say this, I

1874
01:25:25,720 --> 01:25:28,000
Speaker 3: have a lot of hope for relationships and people. I

1875
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:29,799
Speaker 3: think that we just have to do the work on ourselves.

1876
01:25:30,040 --> 01:25:32,360
Speaker 3: I think Craig always says, get a good therapist. I

1877
01:25:32,360 --> 01:25:35,920
Speaker 3: think that's true, right, People need to really be prepared

1878
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:37,559
Speaker 3: just to kind of do the self work and then

1879
01:25:37,600 --> 01:25:41,680
Speaker 3: more importantly, to be graceful with other people. I think

1880
01:25:41,800 --> 01:25:44,439
Speaker 3: too often we don't get people grace to be able

1881
01:25:44,479 --> 01:25:47,439
Speaker 3: to grow and we recognize that we're all growing and

1882
01:25:47,479 --> 01:25:50,960
Speaker 3: we're never complete. And so for me, I just think that,

1883
01:25:51,000 --> 01:25:52,799
Speaker 3: you know, I tell sisters all the time, like, you're

1884
01:25:52,880 --> 01:25:55,600
Speaker 3: gonna just have to try to reimagine what it is

1885
01:25:55,640 --> 01:25:58,120
Speaker 3: that you think you're really looking for and get down

1886
01:25:58,160 --> 01:26:00,960
Speaker 3: to bare bones, what is it that you really need

1887
01:26:01,280 --> 01:26:03,360
Speaker 3: and want in a mate versus all the stuff that

1888
01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:05,600
Speaker 3: your friends tell you that you should have, Right, I

1889
01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:07,280
Speaker 3: think a lot of it is big ball and and

1890
01:26:07,320 --> 01:26:09,280
Speaker 3: all that stuff. And you know we got to work

1891
01:26:09,320 --> 01:26:11,920
Speaker 3: on that. Yeah, yeah, well, and I have one.

1892
01:26:12,080 --> 01:26:14,639
Speaker 5: So we talked a little bit about how you had

1893
01:26:14,680 --> 01:26:18,000
Speaker 5: Kadeza do the application process, but you never shared the

1894
01:26:18,040 --> 01:26:20,600
Speaker 5: results of what you found out when you called her references.

1895
01:26:23,000 --> 01:26:29,320
Speaker 4: Okay, I am.

1896
01:26:29,280 --> 01:26:32,360
Speaker 7: So glad you brought that because.

1897
01:26:34,880 --> 01:26:39,479
Speaker 4: It was what's the word, so what I'm looking for?

1898
01:26:41,160 --> 01:26:44,800
Speaker 3: It was a very important moment, defining.

1899
01:26:44,720 --> 01:26:47,640
Speaker 7: A very defining moment, right, the world, I think is

1900
01:26:47,520 --> 01:26:51,880
Speaker 7: the cinema, which one the world is like when something's

1901
01:26:51,920 --> 01:26:54,640
Speaker 7: really important that at this moment and it come back

1902
01:26:54,680 --> 01:26:54,880
Speaker 7: to me.

1903
01:26:55,120 --> 01:26:55,360
Speaker 2: Okay.

1904
01:26:57,040 --> 01:27:01,439
Speaker 7: Speaking to one of the references, it was an older

1905
01:27:01,920 --> 01:27:05,679
Speaker 7: sister from our community that had a lot of respect

1906
01:27:05,720 --> 01:27:10,679
Speaker 7: for and who known Kadija make your whole life. And

1907
01:27:11,320 --> 01:27:14,640
Speaker 7: she said to me, she said, you know, Craig, I

1908
01:27:14,800 --> 01:27:18,439
Speaker 7: know you have a lot of respect for you. She said,

1909
01:27:18,720 --> 01:27:25,599
Speaker 7: my concern is it's about Kadija. We the older sister

1910
01:27:25,640 --> 01:27:30,519
Speaker 7: in the community, looked to Kadija as this bright light, right,

1911
01:27:31,200 --> 01:27:35,920
Speaker 7: and we worry that who she marries, would they look

1912
01:27:36,000 --> 01:27:39,320
Speaker 7: to put her in a cage, a cage exactly what

1913
01:27:39,400 --> 01:27:40,879
Speaker 7: someone says, a cage?

1914
01:27:41,080 --> 01:27:44,679
Speaker 8: Right, What will you try to confine her?

1915
01:27:45,520 --> 01:27:48,320
Speaker 7: Right when you try to, will whoever marry her try

1916
01:27:48,400 --> 01:27:49,479
Speaker 7: to confine her?

1917
01:27:49,680 --> 01:27:51,080
Speaker 4: Because you see that a lot with.

1918
01:27:51,640 --> 01:27:55,200
Speaker 7: You know these roles, and I'm the man, and you

1919
01:27:55,240 --> 01:27:58,720
Speaker 7: see this right, particularly times in religious communities, right, the

1920
01:27:58,800 --> 01:28:02,160
Speaker 7: man is right and so you and I remember saying

1921
01:28:02,160 --> 01:28:05,880
Speaker 7: to I said, you know, I really appreciate what you said,

1922
01:28:06,160 --> 01:28:09,559
Speaker 7: and I still I like to believe I hold onto

1923
01:28:09,600 --> 01:28:13,120
Speaker 7: this in my heart that I said to her that

1924
01:28:13,760 --> 01:28:15,080
Speaker 7: if I ever felt that I was.

1925
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:17,200
Speaker 4: Getting to a place where I was trying to confine her.

1926
01:28:17,280 --> 01:28:20,640
Speaker 6: I would let her go mmmm, because she needs to

1927
01:28:20,640 --> 01:28:23,479
Speaker 6: be who she was, and if being with me would

1928
01:28:23,640 --> 01:28:27,040
Speaker 6: limit what she had to offer to herself into the world,

1929
01:28:27,840 --> 01:28:29,400
Speaker 6: I would have to get out of the way.

1930
01:28:29,600 --> 01:28:32,840
Speaker 4: I like to believe. I still believe that. So that's

1931
01:28:32,840 --> 01:28:33,760
Speaker 4: why I think you would.

1932
01:28:33,960 --> 01:28:36,760
Speaker 7: I would, That's why I should.

1933
01:28:37,280 --> 01:28:37,840
Speaker 2: She knows me.

1934
01:28:37,880 --> 01:28:42,400
Speaker 7: Actually, I'm I'm a vaccine guy, right, she said.

1935
01:28:43,040 --> 01:28:44,760
Speaker 4: She let me know this was important to her.

1936
01:28:46,680 --> 01:28:47,240
Speaker 2: This podcast.

1937
01:28:47,320 --> 01:28:49,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I was like, I need you to come.

1938
01:28:53,080 --> 01:28:54,080
Speaker 3: It's behind the I'm a.

1939
01:28:55,320 --> 01:28:58,800
Speaker 7: God, that's my spot, right that I could plan out

1940
01:28:58,800 --> 01:28:59,599
Speaker 7: a bunch of stuff.

1941
01:29:00,640 --> 01:29:04,439
Speaker 4: I like to see things from a different purview. But

1942
01:29:04,600 --> 01:29:05,960
Speaker 4: she said this was important to him.

1943
01:29:06,000 --> 01:29:07,120
Speaker 8: Like, okay, then we're going.

1944
01:29:07,479 --> 01:29:08,120
Speaker 2: Thank you Craig.

1945
01:29:08,280 --> 01:29:10,400
Speaker 8: Of course he get to see this.

1946
01:29:10,400 --> 01:29:13,080
Speaker 7: This is wonderful wife of yours, and you can see

1947
01:29:13,080 --> 01:29:13,960
Speaker 7: you again in person.

1948
01:29:14,479 --> 01:29:14,880
Speaker 4: Was great.

1949
01:29:15,520 --> 01:29:20,240
Speaker 7: But because this is important to her and her sharing

1950
01:29:20,360 --> 01:29:21,680
Speaker 7: of her message.

1951
01:29:21,680 --> 01:29:25,200
Speaker 4: To people across the country and across the world, you know,

1952
01:29:25,320 --> 01:29:27,519
Speaker 4: it is my duty to be here and support her.

1953
01:29:28,120 --> 01:29:31,479
Speaker 2: I'm trying out to cry, well, because that's so important.

1954
01:29:31,520 --> 01:29:33,439
Speaker 2: I just think more men need to hear that. Man,

1955
01:29:34,200 --> 01:29:36,920
Speaker 2: I think that I just matter of fact, I ain't

1956
01:29:36,920 --> 01:29:39,519
Speaker 2: gonna say think. I know. More men need to hear that.

1957
01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:43,600
Speaker 2: More couples period need to hear that is to support

1958
01:29:43,800 --> 01:29:48,040
Speaker 2: your spouse. It's like, it's not marriage is never meant

1959
01:29:48,040 --> 01:29:51,000
Speaker 2: to be comfortable, and so many people are looking for

1960
01:29:51,040 --> 01:29:54,479
Speaker 2: a comfortable marriage. It's like, you be what I am,

1961
01:29:54,840 --> 01:29:59,040
Speaker 2: and you be what I like, be exactly who I am,

1962
01:29:59,240 --> 01:30:02,040
Speaker 2: and it's like, well, white thing, God brought that person

1963
01:30:02,080 --> 01:30:02,400
Speaker 2: to you.

1964
01:30:02,720 --> 01:30:04,120
Speaker 1: I remember growing up where.

1965
01:30:04,000 --> 01:30:07,160
Speaker 2: A Paul ab Duel had this song you take two

1966
01:30:07,160 --> 01:30:09,800
Speaker 2: steps forward and I'll take two steps back. We come

1967
01:30:09,840 --> 01:30:12,280
Speaker 2: together because opposite is a track. And I remember when

1968
01:30:12,280 --> 01:30:14,080
Speaker 2: I was hearing as a young kid, I said, oh,

1969
01:30:14,320 --> 01:30:16,599
Speaker 2: why would I want to be somebody opposite? That even

1970
01:30:16,600 --> 01:30:19,879
Speaker 2: makes sense to me? I said, how does opposites attract?

1971
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:22,240
Speaker 2: The only thing that I could liken it to at

1972
01:30:22,240 --> 01:30:25,280
Speaker 2: that age was magnets and you take you take the

1973
01:30:25,320 --> 01:30:27,840
Speaker 2: polarity of a magnet. If they're both positive, it's going

1974
01:30:27,920 --> 01:30:30,400
Speaker 2: to push it apart. And I used to always try

1975
01:30:30,400 --> 01:30:34,240
Speaker 2: to force it to move and shift and shift, and

1976
01:30:34,280 --> 01:30:35,760
Speaker 2: I'd be like, all right, so I'm flipping on the

1977
01:30:35,760 --> 01:30:38,839
Speaker 2: negative side. And I try to push it in repel itself,

1978
01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:40,839
Speaker 2: and then when you put the negative in the positive,

1979
01:30:40,920 --> 01:30:44,559
Speaker 2: it comes together. And I said, but still, why would

1980
01:30:44,600 --> 01:30:48,320
Speaker 2: I want to marry somebody that is the opposite of me?

1981
01:30:49,040 --> 01:30:51,800
Speaker 2: And my mind goes to that paullab Duel song that

1982
01:30:51,840 --> 01:30:54,559
Speaker 2: says that if you can understand how to sentuate the

1983
01:30:54,640 --> 01:30:58,080
Speaker 2: positive in each relationship of that person and know that

1984
01:30:58,120 --> 01:31:01,599
Speaker 2: person has something in you in them that you need,

1985
01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:04,760
Speaker 2: and vice versa, then that's when you have what you

1986
01:31:04,840 --> 01:31:07,640
Speaker 2: call the beauty of marriage. You said, this is beautiful,

1987
01:31:07,680 --> 01:31:10,920
Speaker 2: This beautiful thing that happens when y'all two come together

1988
01:31:10,920 --> 01:31:14,320
Speaker 2: as husband and wife. That is the I call it

1989
01:31:14,400 --> 01:31:18,200
Speaker 2: synergetic emergence in my book. It's like the you get

1990
01:31:18,240 --> 01:31:21,360
Speaker 2: the synergy and it emerges into something even greater than

1991
01:31:21,360 --> 01:31:24,640
Speaker 2: the sum of the sum together, is greater than the individual.

1992
01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:28,640
Speaker 2: You said that he talks about how he could have

1993
01:31:28,720 --> 01:31:32,080
Speaker 2: never become who he is to this day without you,

1994
01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:36,559
Speaker 2: this powerful woman. Do you agree? Could you have become something?

1995
01:31:36,600 --> 01:31:40,080
Speaker 2: Could you have still done everything you've done without Craig? Here?

1996
01:31:40,400 --> 01:31:41,040
Speaker 3: Not this way?

1997
01:31:41,560 --> 01:31:41,720
Speaker 2: Well?

1998
01:31:41,720 --> 01:31:42,760
Speaker 1: Why not this way?

1999
01:31:42,920 --> 01:31:46,160
Speaker 3: Because I think because I think Craig softened me. Also,

2000
01:31:46,360 --> 01:31:51,680
Speaker 3: I was really like so focus, No, I was, but

2001
01:31:51,680 --> 01:31:57,840
Speaker 3: but but I was very like, very like, it needs

2002
01:31:57,880 --> 01:32:00,560
Speaker 3: to happen this way now that you know, and I

2003
01:32:00,600 --> 01:32:03,360
Speaker 3: think that Craig and my children all would say also.

2004
01:32:03,400 --> 01:32:06,200
Speaker 3: I think just the children that we have together, our girls.

2005
01:32:06,800 --> 01:32:09,880
Speaker 3: I think just that whole experience has softened me in

2006
01:32:09,880 --> 01:32:13,439
Speaker 3: some ways and helped me also prioritize things differently, right

2007
01:32:13,880 --> 01:32:16,360
Speaker 3: and understand like what the parties really were in life.

2008
01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:18,920
Speaker 3: Like the goals and stuff were great, but you know,

2009
01:32:18,960 --> 01:32:21,360
Speaker 3: you can't live life for goals just to check them off.

2010
01:32:21,400 --> 01:32:23,240
Speaker 3: It's really about like how do you share You go home,

2011
01:32:23,280 --> 01:32:25,439
Speaker 3: people have all kinds of goals that they've achieved, they

2012
01:32:25,439 --> 01:32:28,280
Speaker 3: go home and you're alone, right, and so like, you know,

2013
01:32:28,360 --> 01:32:30,320
Speaker 3: to be able to take a step back and just

2014
01:32:30,320 --> 01:32:32,160
Speaker 3: to say, you know what, though, this is an important

2015
01:32:32,200 --> 01:32:35,240
Speaker 3: goal that we did together actually, right, because everything that

2016
01:32:35,280 --> 01:32:37,559
Speaker 3: we do, anything that I've won, anything that he's won,

2017
01:32:37,600 --> 01:32:39,759
Speaker 3: we've done it together. So we can I get excited

2018
01:32:39,760 --> 01:32:41,040
Speaker 3: when he's like, I'm like I had a year of

2019
01:32:41,040 --> 01:32:43,599
Speaker 3: like, like last year we celebrated Craig like twelve times with awards.

2020
01:32:43,600 --> 01:32:45,880
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, we out there. You know, they're like,

2021
01:32:45,920 --> 01:32:48,080
Speaker 3: but it's not your what I'm like, but it is

2022
01:32:48,200 --> 01:32:51,000
Speaker 3: not got we got this right? And then he's like, please,

2023
01:32:51,160 --> 01:32:53,160
Speaker 3: let's go. We got your book. We got we got

2024
01:32:53,200 --> 01:32:55,400
Speaker 3: our book. He said, this book is a birth birth,

2025
01:32:55,439 --> 01:32:57,160
Speaker 3: this book. I don't know how long now, But the

2026
01:32:57,240 --> 01:33:01,320
Speaker 3: point is is that we really I think we see

2027
01:33:01,520 --> 01:33:03,960
Speaker 3: our wins as our wins, like you know what I mean,

2028
01:33:04,120 --> 01:33:05,680
Speaker 3: And I think that's really important. So I don't think

2029
01:33:05,720 --> 01:33:07,479
Speaker 3: that I would be the person that I am, And

2030
01:33:07,479 --> 01:33:10,519
Speaker 3: I'm not even sure I would have done things that

2031
01:33:10,600 --> 01:33:15,360
Speaker 3: I've done in many ways without Craig. And I'm not

2032
01:33:15,400 --> 01:33:18,599
Speaker 3: so sure because I don't know. Yeah, have you know?

2033
01:33:18,760 --> 01:33:20,840
Speaker 3: I mean, I had goals. I was really driven, but

2034
01:33:20,840 --> 01:33:23,439
Speaker 3: I think at the same time there was this is

2035
01:33:23,479 --> 01:33:25,160
Speaker 3: not just about what you do, is how you do it?

2036
01:33:26,240 --> 01:33:30,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, the opposition you kind of touched on.

2037
01:33:31,680 --> 01:33:34,599
Speaker 7: You know, we do have different personality, but they work

2038
01:33:34,680 --> 01:33:40,680
Speaker 7: well together where you know, she's super type A personality

2039
01:33:41,240 --> 01:33:45,000
Speaker 7: and I come in right, but I can always make

2040
01:33:45,040 --> 01:33:48,200
Speaker 7: her laugh no matter how intense.

2041
01:33:47,800 --> 01:33:50,560
Speaker 8: And crazy it is. She was like, why are you

2042
01:33:50,600 --> 01:33:51,800
Speaker 8: going to make me laugh? Right?

2043
01:33:52,600 --> 01:33:55,720
Speaker 7: She ended up laughing, But some of her type A

2044
01:33:55,880 --> 01:33:59,720
Speaker 7: personality at times rubbed off on me and then This

2045
01:34:00,240 --> 01:34:03,320
Speaker 7: has shown up with our children because we are different,

2046
01:34:03,320 --> 01:34:04,400
Speaker 7: we are different approaches.

2047
01:34:04,840 --> 01:34:07,480
Speaker 4: They need different pieces of us.

2048
01:34:07,120 --> 01:34:10,519
Speaker 7: Absolutely, and we know we say you're going to be

2049
01:34:10,560 --> 01:34:14,200
Speaker 7: the best one for this conversation. With time, you know

2050
01:34:14,360 --> 01:34:17,679
Speaker 7: you handle that part right. And so we we spend

2051
01:34:17,720 --> 01:34:21,200
Speaker 7: a lot of time. We do a lot of breaking

2052
01:34:21,280 --> 01:34:23,960
Speaker 7: down like who needs to do what part and let

2053
01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:25,680
Speaker 7: the best person do it in the job and not

2054
01:34:25,800 --> 01:34:27,640
Speaker 7: like I got to be the ones got to be

2055
01:34:27,680 --> 01:34:28,320
Speaker 7: the hard one.

2056
01:34:28,479 --> 01:34:31,920
Speaker 4: Let me be this type. What's the best one, best

2057
01:34:32,080 --> 01:34:33,920
Speaker 4: person who needs to show up for this role at

2058
01:34:33,920 --> 01:34:34,320
Speaker 4: the moment.

2059
01:34:34,680 --> 01:34:36,920
Speaker 2: I love that because I pushed askle in that a lot.

2060
01:34:37,040 --> 01:34:42,080
Speaker 2: With even my son, my nephew's son. He don't like

2061
01:34:42,880 --> 01:34:45,360
Speaker 2: the son because I adopt him. It's my nephew. But

2062
01:34:46,840 --> 01:34:49,519
Speaker 2: I always say, don't tell them. You should be like, well,

2063
01:34:49,600 --> 01:34:52,320
Speaker 2: I mean, I said you because she's really good at

2064
01:34:52,400 --> 01:34:55,559
Speaker 2: certain things that I'm just not, you know, and she's

2065
01:34:55,600 --> 01:35:00,519
Speaker 2: not even a biological parent. But I'd be like, say it,

2066
01:35:00,560 --> 01:35:02,760
Speaker 2: and I want her to trust the wisdom that God

2067
01:35:02,840 --> 01:35:05,960
Speaker 2: has given her to say say it. If you see

2068
01:35:05,960 --> 01:35:08,920
Speaker 2: a gap. It's not meant for me to go say it,

2069
01:35:08,920 --> 01:35:11,559
Speaker 2: It's meant for you to find your place in his

2070
01:35:11,720 --> 01:35:13,960
Speaker 2: life and say it and he receives it.

2071
01:35:14,040 --> 01:35:15,160
Speaker 1: He appreciates it.

2072
01:35:15,360 --> 01:35:18,360
Speaker 2: He tells a letter thank you, thank you Auntie Ashley,

2073
01:35:19,280 --> 01:35:20,599
Speaker 2: you know, for telling me this or whatever.

2074
01:35:20,600 --> 01:35:21,360
Speaker 1: I needed to hear that.

2075
01:35:21,680 --> 01:35:24,120
Speaker 2: But I want her to trust her god giving wisdom

2076
01:35:24,160 --> 01:35:27,240
Speaker 2: to do so. Another thing that's happened, dear future wife.

2077
01:35:27,240 --> 01:35:32,760
Speaker 2: He existed five years prior to us getting married, and

2078
01:35:33,280 --> 01:35:37,600
Speaker 2: I built this amazing following this, this trusted audience that

2079
01:35:37,880 --> 01:35:40,880
Speaker 2: I nicknamed the lit faun, which stands for learning, living

2080
01:35:41,000 --> 01:35:42,920
Speaker 2: intentionally and transparently.

2081
01:35:43,280 --> 01:35:45,240
Speaker 1: And so this awesome audience.

2082
01:35:45,240 --> 01:35:48,040
Speaker 2: But I will always tell them over and over again,

2083
01:35:48,240 --> 01:35:50,320
Speaker 2: don't get just used to me, because at the end

2084
01:35:50,320 --> 01:35:53,360
Speaker 2: of the day, what I built was great, but it

2085
01:35:53,520 --> 01:35:57,040
Speaker 2: pales in comparison to whoever God brings as my wife.

2086
01:35:57,520 --> 01:36:00,559
Speaker 2: The greatest honor I ever received is when I read

2087
01:36:00,640 --> 01:36:04,719
Speaker 2: comments where people say, no offense, Lataaris, your podcast was good,

2088
01:36:05,240 --> 01:36:12,080
Speaker 2: but now it's great. That's the greatest accomplishment because I

2089
01:36:12,120 --> 01:36:14,360
Speaker 2: don't I don't have an ego where I say, because

2090
01:36:14,360 --> 01:36:17,640
Speaker 2: think about the reverse, your podcast was great before, but

2091
01:36:17,840 --> 01:36:20,080
Speaker 2: it's all right now. Since I'd be like, oh Lord,

2092
01:36:20,120 --> 01:36:22,559
Speaker 2: what in the world, Like I know what she brings

2093
01:36:22,600 --> 01:36:24,840
Speaker 2: to it, and so the beautiful thing about it is

2094
01:36:24,880 --> 01:36:28,599
Speaker 2: it should always be an elevation and so as doing

2095
01:36:28,600 --> 01:36:34,000
Speaker 2: a job phenomenal. I love when people talk about how

2096
01:36:34,080 --> 01:36:38,000
Speaker 2: amazing you are, how much value you add to the conversation.

2097
01:36:38,439 --> 01:36:42,679
Speaker 2: After we just did this live yesterday and for worth

2098
01:36:43,160 --> 01:36:45,680
Speaker 2: this couple when of my friends shout out to to

2099
01:36:45,840 --> 01:36:51,080
Speaker 2: Tisha and they were talking about how we need we need.

2100
01:36:50,800 --> 01:36:51,960
Speaker 1: Her feminine energy.

2101
01:36:52,000 --> 01:36:54,320
Speaker 2: We want to hear more from her. She has so

2102
01:36:54,439 --> 01:36:58,280
Speaker 2: much to offer, and so that's what I love hearing.

2103
01:36:58,280 --> 01:36:59,479
Speaker 2: And as she's like, I don't want to be one

2104
01:36:59,520 --> 01:37:01,320
Speaker 2: of the overt talk I want to do this, I said,

2105
01:37:01,280 --> 01:37:02,320
Speaker 2: you're never gonna overtalk.

2106
01:37:02,360 --> 01:37:03,920
Speaker 1: You're never going to say too much.

2107
01:37:04,320 --> 01:37:06,320
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. And I said, you have

2108
01:37:06,439 --> 01:37:10,480
Speaker 2: so much wisdom and value to add to the conversation.

2109
01:37:10,800 --> 01:37:13,599
Speaker 2: Just trust the God in you to just be you.

2110
01:37:13,600 --> 01:37:16,840
Speaker 2: You are enough, you are worthy, you are qualified, and

2111
01:37:16,960 --> 01:37:18,719
Speaker 2: you're absolutely amazing. I love you.

2112
01:37:18,800 --> 01:37:19,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, she is.

2113
01:37:19,960 --> 01:37:23,519
Speaker 2: I love it, absolutely amazing. Don't tell everybody real quick

2114
01:37:23,560 --> 01:37:26,920
Speaker 2: as we conclude, how y'all met? Yeah?

2115
01:37:27,200 --> 01:37:30,880
Speaker 3: Oh so, oh my goodness. So Ashley, Well, first of all,

2116
01:37:31,000 --> 01:37:36,800
Speaker 3: my sorrow, baby sorrow actually is one of our extraordinary

2117
01:37:38,120 --> 01:37:42,160
Speaker 3: Executive vi P. I mean, I mean I would just say,

2118
01:37:42,240 --> 01:37:45,679
Speaker 3: like event planning, everything from the Black Entertainment Sports Lawyers

2119
01:37:45,680 --> 01:37:49,080
Speaker 3: Association conferences that I used to chair. I was on

2120
01:37:49,080 --> 01:37:51,880
Speaker 3: the board for out of and chaired the board as well.

2121
01:37:52,000 --> 01:37:55,400
Speaker 3: And the acronym for Beesla exactly Beesla that is right

2122
01:37:55,840 --> 01:37:59,080
Speaker 3: out to be shout out to all those Diesel lawyers

2123
01:37:59,080 --> 01:38:02,400
Speaker 3: and babies and so Ashley is. I mean, she just

2124
01:38:02,479 --> 01:38:04,479
Speaker 3: has handled so we gave her so much to do

2125
01:38:05,240 --> 01:38:07,120
Speaker 3: over the years and we've watched her. She was a

2126
01:38:07,120 --> 01:38:15,560
Speaker 3: baby's looker. It's been like yeah, it's been over a

2127
01:38:15,600 --> 01:38:19,200
Speaker 3: decade easily, but she has been she is from day one.

2128
01:38:19,439 --> 01:38:22,200
Speaker 3: She is a I mean like a no nonsense, like

2129
01:38:22,400 --> 01:38:24,960
Speaker 3: a fiery I mean Sarah. She she is on She

2130
01:38:25,040 --> 01:38:27,000
Speaker 3: is on fire with her stuff. She she was about

2131
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:30,120
Speaker 3: the business from day one. Handles everything so well, so

2132
01:38:30,200 --> 01:38:35,160
Speaker 3: excellently beyond professional, but just I mean takes things like

2133
01:38:35,640 --> 01:38:36,960
Speaker 3: did you think about this? What do you think about that?

2134
01:38:36,960 --> 01:38:37,640
Speaker 3: What about this thing?

2135
01:38:37,680 --> 01:38:37,880
Speaker 2: You know?

2136
01:38:38,160 --> 01:38:40,479
Speaker 3: So talk about type A. She's very on top two,

2137
01:38:40,640 --> 01:38:43,719
Speaker 3: which I love, so her thinking is excellent, but also

2138
01:38:43,880 --> 01:38:47,280
Speaker 3: she's just about the business and she always elevates what

2139
01:38:47,320 --> 01:38:50,599
Speaker 3: we do and what we bring, and we give the

2140
01:38:50,640 --> 01:38:54,840
Speaker 3: biggest talent to Ashley to basically to take care of,

2141
01:38:55,120 --> 01:38:58,559
Speaker 3: to curate ideas with, and she just has been a

2142
01:38:58,600 --> 01:39:01,280
Speaker 3: fantastic partner in that work. So that's how we actually

2143
01:39:01,280 --> 01:39:03,080
Speaker 3: first met. And then you know, we're sore rus. So

2144
01:39:03,120 --> 01:39:04,680
Speaker 3: we have all these things that we do, you know,

2145
01:39:04,720 --> 01:39:06,840
Speaker 3: at the conference and other places, and it's just been

2146
01:39:06,880 --> 01:39:09,559
Speaker 3: great to watch her grow with her business. I can't

2147
01:39:09,560 --> 01:39:11,760
Speaker 3: believe she's like this grown woman now.

2148
01:39:13,760 --> 01:39:14,240
Speaker 2: I told him.

2149
01:39:14,280 --> 01:39:19,760
Speaker 5: I was like, they probably think of a child exactly right.

2150
01:39:19,800 --> 01:39:21,840
Speaker 3: But it's so beautiful to see that. You know that

2151
01:39:21,920 --> 01:39:25,400
Speaker 3: you all have built such a beautiful union and just

2152
01:39:25,439 --> 01:39:29,559
Speaker 3: this amazing enterprise together. I think it's just a beautiful thing.

2153
01:39:29,720 --> 01:39:32,880
Speaker 3: And you know, it's just everything that she deserves you too.

2154
01:39:34,640 --> 01:39:39,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was funny because about saying I snuck to

2155
01:39:39,439 --> 01:39:42,200
Speaker 2: Beesla this year, but I just she took me to

2156
01:39:42,840 --> 01:39:46,519
Speaker 2: Visla last year and we were in line getting some

2157
01:39:46,520 --> 01:39:49,800
Speaker 2: food and I shared with you because she has spoke

2158
01:39:49,880 --> 01:39:51,960
Speaker 2: so highly of you, and I said, I said, you know,

2159
01:39:53,200 --> 01:39:55,040
Speaker 2: now people don't know this, but we're getting married.

2160
01:39:55,080 --> 01:39:55,960
Speaker 1: And you said, does she know?

2161
01:39:58,000 --> 01:39:58,360
Speaker 10: I did?

2162
01:39:59,040 --> 01:40:01,880
Speaker 3: I was like, didn't know? I didn't know if he

2163
01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:04,680
Speaker 3: was a stalker. He was just like, I like her.

2164
01:40:04,800 --> 01:40:07,200
Speaker 3: She's so cute. I like miss Ashley. I was like, wait,

2165
01:40:07,240 --> 01:40:10,040
Speaker 3: does she know? Yeah, I want to make sure I'll

2166
01:40:10,080 --> 01:40:11,280
Speaker 3: give the okay.

2167
01:40:11,320 --> 01:40:13,760
Speaker 4: First she told me that story. I cracked up. I

2168
01:40:13,880 --> 01:40:25,240
Speaker 4: was like, oh my godfring.

2169
01:40:20,040 --> 01:40:23,640
Speaker 3: On my finger, so cute, and she was like I

2170
01:40:23,680 --> 01:40:26,719
Speaker 3: would know. I was like what, And then I realized.

2171
01:40:26,720 --> 01:40:30,800
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, your future. That's the

2172
01:40:30,880 --> 01:40:34,320
Speaker 3: reason nobody downs. Okay, but it was so beautiful, Oh

2173
01:40:34,360 --> 01:40:38,439
Speaker 3: my gosh, how I mean listen, I mean to be honest,

2174
01:40:38,600 --> 01:40:40,479
Speaker 3: she was the best person for that whole thing, because

2175
01:40:40,520 --> 01:40:42,760
Speaker 3: I was like, because you know, she's she's very like,

2176
01:40:42,800 --> 01:40:47,439
Speaker 3: she's she holds she can hold a secret, holdret So

2177
01:40:47,479 --> 01:40:47,800
Speaker 3: you can.

2178
01:40:47,760 --> 01:40:50,760
Speaker 2: Speak on to how a lot of times early on

2179
01:40:50,840 --> 01:40:54,000
Speaker 2: people are like, uh, he kept her secret, you know

2180
01:40:54,040 --> 01:40:56,880
Speaker 2: all that type of stuff. I said, yeah, she preferred that. Yeah,

2181
01:40:58,240 --> 01:41:02,440
Speaker 2: And so you know, I know in your experience people.

2182
01:41:04,000 --> 01:41:06,040
Speaker 3: She's about the business. Behind the scenes. She's just like,

2183
01:41:06,080 --> 01:41:09,280
Speaker 3: y'all go ahead. But but that's why, that's that's what happens.

2184
01:41:09,280 --> 01:41:13,559
Speaker 3: So oftentimes, you know, oftentimes God gives those kinds of

2185
01:41:13,600 --> 01:41:15,960
Speaker 3: blessings and these kinds of opportunities to people who can

2186
01:41:16,000 --> 01:41:18,120
Speaker 3: handle it in a certain way, because you know, a

2187
01:41:18,120 --> 01:41:19,960
Speaker 3: lot of times folks can't handle it and you have

2188
01:41:20,040 --> 01:41:22,720
Speaker 3: to be really discerning in that way. So yeah, that

2189
01:41:22,880 --> 01:41:29,400
Speaker 3: this is this makes sense. This all makes sense. I

2190
01:41:29,439 --> 01:41:35,559
Speaker 3: mean it's funny. You know, like, girl, you're not.

2191
01:41:37,840 --> 01:41:38,519
Speaker 2: He's like, she knows.

2192
01:41:38,680 --> 01:41:42,599
Speaker 3: I was like, okay to you.

2193
01:41:43,360 --> 01:41:46,519
Speaker 2: Oh man, we've been talking and they need to do

2194
01:41:46,760 --> 01:41:49,360
Speaker 2: a relationship. They need to do dear future wife yet, Beesla,

2195
01:41:49,439 --> 01:41:52,960
Speaker 2: that will be such a really powerful moment to have

2196
01:41:53,080 --> 01:41:55,040
Speaker 2: these and it could get heated.

2197
01:41:57,520 --> 01:42:03,040
Speaker 7: Have some breakouts, seers and.

2198
01:42:01,040 --> 01:42:03,160
Speaker 8: Some stuff going over there.

2199
01:42:03,200 --> 01:42:08,240
Speaker 3: How much it's great, I think fantastic it's coming.

2200
01:42:09,800 --> 01:42:13,080
Speaker 2: That would be hot to have their future wife happen.

2201
01:42:13,280 --> 01:42:16,360
Speaker 2: It would be so so fun. But listen, here's the

2202
01:42:16,400 --> 01:42:19,800
Speaker 2: part of the episode where y'all write a key to love.

2203
01:42:19,880 --> 01:42:22,360
Speaker 2: Pick up that box there, if you will please, and

2204
01:42:22,600 --> 01:42:25,320
Speaker 2: inside there's a key and there's a marker. Y'all can

2205
01:42:25,400 --> 01:42:26,960
Speaker 2: use the box that you can use your book to

2206
01:42:26,960 --> 01:42:30,440
Speaker 2: write on on yours, but grab a marker.

2207
01:42:30,439 --> 01:42:31,680
Speaker 4: And shiny y.

2208
01:42:33,640 --> 01:42:45,200
Speaker 3: You know what, everything that shiny ain't always better is

2209
01:42:45,200 --> 01:42:47,080
Speaker 3: a key, Okay, so.

2210
01:42:47,000 --> 01:42:49,839
Speaker 2: We can touch so y'all write down a word, a sentence,

2211
01:42:49,880 --> 01:42:52,160
Speaker 2: a phrase, whatever you want to leave with the audience

2212
01:42:52,200 --> 01:42:54,599
Speaker 2: will have you read it after you write it, and

2213
01:42:54,640 --> 01:42:57,960
Speaker 2: then you'll go hang it up on that available wrong

2214
01:42:58,240 --> 01:42:59,200
Speaker 2: on that wall there.

2215
01:42:59,600 --> 01:43:02,160
Speaker 3: So don't get to sign your name.

2216
01:43:02,080 --> 01:43:04,160
Speaker 8: Word or free, but you don't say it out that.

2217
01:43:07,800 --> 01:43:11,040
Speaker 2: He's ID eight and and build a word or phrase

2218
01:43:11,520 --> 01:43:13,040
Speaker 2: that you would like to leave as a key to love.

2219
01:43:13,080 --> 01:43:15,360
Speaker 2: What do you think is a key to love that

2220
01:43:15,439 --> 01:43:17,479
Speaker 2: you want to leave so astley? What'd you think you

2221
01:43:17,920 --> 01:43:18,800
Speaker 2: had your people on here?

2222
01:43:19,120 --> 01:43:19,719
Speaker 7: I did?

2223
01:43:20,080 --> 01:43:22,839
Speaker 3: I mean, I just love the application process.

2224
01:43:23,040 --> 01:43:26,400
Speaker 5: I love getting really clear early on about what it

2225
01:43:26,479 --> 01:43:30,400
Speaker 5: is that you know you need because I think it

2226
01:43:30,680 --> 01:43:32,800
Speaker 5: helps you identify who you are.

2227
01:43:33,760 --> 01:43:35,759
Speaker 3: And I thought it was so smart that Craig had

2228
01:43:35,840 --> 01:43:36,439
Speaker 3: her do it.

2229
01:43:36,520 --> 01:43:38,599
Speaker 1: In return, Craig keep the same as.

2230
01:43:38,680 --> 01:43:43,160
Speaker 5: Yes, but not as a like, well it's an ego thing,

2231
01:43:43,240 --> 01:43:44,639
Speaker 5: I have to do it, you have to do it.

2232
01:43:44,680 --> 01:43:47,679
Speaker 5: But because after you know, he said the word yeah,

2233
01:43:47,760 --> 01:43:50,640
Speaker 5: then he was like, wait, I actually this is really helpful.

2234
01:43:50,960 --> 01:43:54,720
Speaker 5: And so I think when we approach, you know, our

2235
01:43:54,960 --> 01:43:58,760
Speaker 5: interaction with each other with such intentionality, it can be

2236
01:43:58,840 --> 01:44:01,719
Speaker 5: really really helpful to set us up for success and clearly.

2237
01:44:01,880 --> 01:44:04,360
Speaker 5: Twenty nine years later it was valuable.

2238
01:44:04,479 --> 01:44:06,920
Speaker 2: Yep. Well you'll never have to give an application to

2239
01:44:06,960 --> 01:44:07,920
Speaker 2: nobody because I ain't going.

2240
01:44:07,800 --> 01:44:11,840
Speaker 1: Nowhere that you'll never be able to use that. We

2241
01:44:11,920 --> 01:44:13,160
Speaker 1: can we can do evaluations.

2242
01:44:13,160 --> 01:44:15,040
Speaker 2: That's what student Love talks about, is we can do

2243
01:44:15,160 --> 01:44:19,160
Speaker 2: reviews with each other and talk about areas of improvement

2244
01:44:20,200 --> 01:44:24,280
Speaker 2: and have that. So we'll have on the job training,

2245
01:44:24,479 --> 01:44:25,439
Speaker 2: on the job training.

2246
01:44:25,680 --> 01:44:28,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe even the report car report card.

2247
01:44:28,439 --> 01:44:29,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, we do a report card.

2248
01:44:29,640 --> 01:44:32,760
Speaker 3: Yeah.

2249
01:44:30,439 --> 01:44:35,559
Speaker 4: I like her report cards. When she was younger, she.

2250
01:44:39,200 --> 01:44:39,679
Speaker 1: The same.

2251
01:44:41,320 --> 01:44:44,200
Speaker 8: We got, we got the same people.

2252
01:44:44,320 --> 01:44:48,960
Speaker 2: She got this whole biography, this is about them, about you,

2253
01:44:51,680 --> 01:44:55,200
Speaker 2: about everything. I was like you, it's beautiful though. So

2254
01:44:55,200 --> 01:44:57,440
Speaker 2: that's one thing that I really enjoyed. She did a biography,

2255
01:44:57,600 --> 01:44:59,280
Speaker 2: was it for your seventh grade project?

2256
01:44:59,280 --> 01:44:59,800
Speaker 3: Eighth grade?

2257
01:45:00,040 --> 01:45:01,200
Speaker 1: A biography of eighth grade?

2258
01:45:01,520 --> 01:45:04,760
Speaker 2: And it's just, I mean, a thick book and had

2259
01:45:04,800 --> 01:45:08,719
Speaker 2: pictures and everything. And in the earlier part of us dating,

2260
01:45:09,080 --> 01:45:11,240
Speaker 2: she pulled that book out and I sat there and

2261
01:45:11,280 --> 01:45:13,559
Speaker 2: I was reading through all that, and it taught me

2262
01:45:14,240 --> 01:45:17,360
Speaker 2: little girl eighth grade Ashley, and I.

2263
01:45:17,280 --> 01:45:18,800
Speaker 3: Was just like, did you write this?

2264
01:45:18,920 --> 01:45:22,360
Speaker 2: I was intelligence. It's like I was like you couldn't

2265
01:45:22,360 --> 01:45:26,240
Speaker 2: have back then. I was like, there's no way. An

2266
01:45:26,240 --> 01:45:29,160
Speaker 2: eighth grader wrote this, like there's no way, and she

2267
01:45:29,280 --> 01:45:31,280
Speaker 2: was like yeah. And then I got a chance to

2268
01:45:31,320 --> 01:45:33,400
Speaker 2: go visit the school that she went to, and it's

2269
01:45:33,439 --> 01:45:36,560
Speaker 2: like one of the most prestigious schools in southern California.

2270
01:45:36,800 --> 01:45:42,439
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, I went to business school.

2271
01:45:42,439 --> 01:45:45,040
Speaker 2: I looked at those those other ethnicities walking around.

2272
01:45:45,520 --> 01:45:46,639
Speaker 3: He was like, everybody was there.

2273
01:45:47,960 --> 01:45:50,320
Speaker 1: I said, okay, it's it's a different level here different.

2274
01:45:50,360 --> 01:45:52,519
Speaker 1: It's different to what y'all write on y'all to.

2275
01:45:52,520 --> 01:45:57,040
Speaker 3: Love, I wrote, reverence and respect is the key to love.

2276
01:45:57,240 --> 01:45:58,160
Speaker 1: Why is that important?

2277
01:45:58,720 --> 01:46:02,000
Speaker 2: Reverence? We don't hear that word spoken to in a relationship.

2278
01:46:02,080 --> 01:46:02,679
Speaker 2: Why do you say.

2279
01:46:02,960 --> 01:46:05,599
Speaker 3: Well, I say reverence because I'm also thinking about reverence

2280
01:46:05,600 --> 01:46:08,880
Speaker 3: with our creator first and foremost. Okay, right where, I

2281
01:46:08,920 --> 01:46:11,880
Speaker 3: think that's where it begins. And I think that when

2282
01:46:11,880 --> 01:46:15,280
Speaker 3: we connect with our creator in a way that he

2283
01:46:15,320 --> 01:46:18,280
Speaker 3: would have us connect with him, he also gives us

2284
01:46:18,280 --> 01:46:20,519
Speaker 3: the tools and the way in which we can understand

2285
01:46:20,520 --> 01:46:23,040
Speaker 3: how it is important to connect with humanity. And so

2286
01:46:23,479 --> 01:46:26,519
Speaker 3: in a relationship, in any relationship, reverence is important. But

2287
01:46:26,560 --> 01:46:29,240
Speaker 3: I think particularly in a marriage actually to be able

2288
01:46:29,280 --> 01:46:32,639
Speaker 3: to reverence one another the souls. We have a survey,

2289
01:46:32,680 --> 01:46:35,120
Speaker 3: we talk about reverencing the souls that bore us, but

2290
01:46:35,200 --> 01:46:38,639
Speaker 3: reverencing each other also in that space. And then also respect,

2291
01:46:38,720 --> 01:46:41,839
Speaker 3: I think is so important because again, you can like somebody,

2292
01:46:41,920 --> 01:46:43,800
Speaker 3: you can love somebody, but if you don't respect them,

2293
01:46:44,120 --> 01:46:48,240
Speaker 3: it's really hard to really connect on the level of trust.

2294
01:46:48,640 --> 01:46:50,240
Speaker 3: And you don't have love without trust.

2295
01:46:50,680 --> 01:46:54,000
Speaker 2: Really. Yeah, create, Oh you got to get your microphone,

2296
01:46:55,240 --> 01:46:55,559
Speaker 2: all right.

2297
01:46:55,640 --> 01:46:59,720
Speaker 7: Yeah, I wrote a few things. The first thing I

2298
01:46:59,720 --> 01:47:01,760
Speaker 7: wrote is, you.

2299
01:47:01,720 --> 01:47:02,840
Speaker 4: Know, we have to love love.

2300
01:47:04,800 --> 01:47:08,120
Speaker 7: I like that, but I just know I love and

2301
01:47:08,200 --> 01:47:11,200
Speaker 7: I just love black love. So I'm sitting here watching

2302
01:47:11,240 --> 01:47:15,000
Speaker 7: YouTube and thinking about some of our friends and others

2303
01:47:15,040 --> 01:47:18,759
Speaker 7: that we have in our circle and watching the couples

2304
01:47:18,880 --> 01:47:19,920
Speaker 7: go through their growth.

2305
01:47:20,760 --> 01:47:22,080
Speaker 4: It's because they love love.

2306
01:47:22,240 --> 01:47:25,040
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, and they love being in love with each other.

2307
01:47:25,479 --> 01:47:28,400
Speaker 7: And I have here openness. Can I come and be

2308
01:47:28,479 --> 01:47:32,439
Speaker 7: transparent and open with my full self? Can I be

2309
01:47:32,520 --> 01:47:36,719
Speaker 7: honest with you as I be honest with myself and

2310
01:47:37,880 --> 01:47:40,479
Speaker 7: hold on to the fun. It's going to be a

2311
01:47:40,520 --> 01:47:44,519
Speaker 7: lot of you know, long nights, but hold on to

2312
01:47:44,600 --> 01:47:46,840
Speaker 7: that fun. Find the fun, and this as well.

2313
01:47:47,600 --> 01:47:49,640
Speaker 2: Long nights greg be long nights.

2314
01:47:50,520 --> 01:48:01,000
Speaker 10: Long days, long long nights can't be a bad thing.

2315
01:48:04,680 --> 01:48:06,519
Speaker 4: But hold on the fun.

2316
01:48:06,640 --> 01:48:10,800
Speaker 7: We get so caught up on these checklists, accomplishments.

2317
01:48:10,000 --> 01:48:12,599
Speaker 4: And deadlines that sometimes don't really matter.

2318
01:48:12,680 --> 01:48:15,400
Speaker 7: Sometimes just find a moment to have a good laugh

2319
01:48:15,640 --> 01:48:19,280
Speaker 7: yeah there with each other and figure out how we

2320
01:48:19,479 --> 01:48:21,599
Speaker 7: just have a little fun in this crazy world.

2321
01:48:22,479 --> 01:48:25,920
Speaker 2: Thank y'all so much for blessing us again. Make sure

2322
01:48:26,040 --> 01:48:30,719
Speaker 2: y'all get this book, Power Reimagine. Get the book Power

2323
01:48:30,920 --> 01:48:35,559
Speaker 2: to I mean Power Reimagine available everywhere. Matter of fact.

2324
01:48:35,560 --> 01:48:38,080
Speaker 1: Shout out your social media Craig, I know you don't know.

2325
01:48:38,400 --> 01:48:42,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm Kadida Drinker on Instagram. Could you just reef

2326
01:48:42,360 --> 01:48:45,920
Speaker 3: drink it on Facebook? And actually this is Craig Drinker.

2327
01:48:47,040 --> 01:48:49,320
Speaker 3: I give him my last name. Sometimes drinking, but it's

2328
01:48:49,320 --> 01:48:51,320
Speaker 3: just joking on my teeth and I'm not a massive

2329
01:48:51,320 --> 01:48:53,839
Speaker 3: with him. But this is Craig Drinker and he's actually

2330
01:48:53,840 --> 01:48:56,040
Speaker 3: on Facebook. Believe it or not. He doesn't really post,

2331
01:48:56,040 --> 01:48:56,960
Speaker 3: but he's the actual.

2332
01:48:57,000 --> 01:49:00,080
Speaker 2: Ther So go go go follow him and make and

2333
01:49:00,120 --> 01:49:03,519
Speaker 2: get scared. Yow was coming.

2334
01:49:03,280 --> 01:49:05,800
Speaker 7: From follow us.

2335
01:49:05,960 --> 01:49:08,160
Speaker 3: You know, we love to talk about power and more importantly,

2336
01:49:08,200 --> 01:49:09,880
Speaker 3: how we can share our power with the world.

2337
01:49:10,479 --> 01:49:13,479
Speaker 2: Well listen, May the love y'all share today, outlive the

2338
01:49:13,520 --> 01:49:14,280
Speaker 2: season you're in.

2339
01:49:14,800 --> 01:49:20,640
Speaker 5: May it carry you through the days when words are few.

2340
01:49:20,640 --> 01:49:23,080
Speaker 2: And faith has to do the talking. Y'all.

2341
01:49:23,120 --> 01:49:24,519
Speaker 1: Give it up for the drinkers, y'all.

2342
01:49:24,560 --> 01:49:27,920
Speaker 3: All, thank thank you so much, thank you for having him.

2343
01:49:28,080 --> 01:49:29,519
Speaker 3: I love y'all, Love you.

2344
01:49:30,479 --> 01:49:35,599
Speaker 2: Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective Services in twenty fifteen.

2345
01:49:36,240 --> 01:49:40,879
Speaker 2: My nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

2346
01:49:40,880 --> 01:49:46,200
Speaker 2: outside of kinship, slim to none, Harmione, sixteen years old,

2347
01:49:46,439 --> 01:49:50,040
Speaker 2: black a boy with five years in the foster care

2348
01:49:50,120 --> 01:49:53,559
Speaker 2: system before I even knew his name. The likelihood have

2349
01:49:53,600 --> 01:49:57,920
Speaker 2: ever been adopted? Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

2350
01:49:59,360 --> 01:50:02,040
Speaker 2: While Darian and our money were trying to survive and

2351
01:50:02,080 --> 01:50:05,799
Speaker 2: barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system,

2352
01:50:05,840 --> 01:50:09,120
Speaker 2: I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having

2353
01:50:09,160 --> 01:50:11,200
Speaker 2: been a single father with a daughter who at that

2354
01:50:11,280 --> 01:50:13,880
Speaker 2: point was doing well in college. It was my time

2355
01:50:13,920 --> 01:50:20,640
Speaker 2: to live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

2356
01:50:21,560 --> 01:50:24,920
Speaker 2: There are just too many of our black children stuck

2357
01:50:25,200 --> 01:50:28,720
Speaker 2: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falseter Care System.

2358
01:50:29,200 --> 01:50:33,160
Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladaria. Fast

2359
01:50:33,200 --> 01:50:35,599
Speaker 2: forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this

2360
01:50:35,640 --> 01:50:38,120
Speaker 2: other young king, but I felt God instructed me to

2361
01:50:38,200 --> 01:50:41,679
Speaker 2: adopt them also in al Babe. Starting over with parenting

2362
01:50:41,760 --> 01:50:44,599
Speaker 2: should have been enough. Right, working with various foster care

2363
01:50:44,640 --> 01:50:47,880
Speaker 2: and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless

2364
01:50:48,000 --> 01:50:50,840
Speaker 2: young Black Kings and the Falster Care system should have

2365
01:50:50,920 --> 01:50:54,800
Speaker 2: decreased My agitation. Right joined the board of directors of

2366
01:50:54,800 --> 01:50:57,919
Speaker 2: Advantage of Adoption in the organization that helps find permanent

2367
01:50:58,000 --> 01:51:01,120
Speaker 2: adoptive homes for children and false should have led to

2368
01:51:01,160 --> 01:51:05,880
Speaker 2: some type of resolve. Right, No, not at all. None

2369
01:51:05,880 --> 01:51:09,240
Speaker 2: of it felt like I had done enough. I now

2370
01:51:09,360 --> 01:51:13,519
Speaker 2: realized that every one of those experiences was land the

2371
01:51:13,520 --> 01:51:19,320
Speaker 2: fundamental foundation for my life's mission. Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal

2372
01:51:19,400 --> 01:51:21,640
Speaker 2: would be a luxury, state of the art home for

2373
01:51:21,760 --> 01:51:24,960
Speaker 2: foster boys. Our first location will be in the Dallas

2374
01:51:24,960 --> 01:51:28,640
Speaker 2: Fortwork Metroplex. We will utilize the whole person approach that

2375
01:51:28,720 --> 01:51:33,080
Speaker 2: instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves, and enlightens

2376
01:51:33,120 --> 01:51:37,160
Speaker 2: them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they thought

2377
01:51:37,439 --> 01:51:41,479
Speaker 2: were impossible. Though, the young Kings will attend the local

2378
01:51:41,560 --> 01:51:45,120
Speaker 2: public schools that are in proximity to Kingdom Royal. Our

2379
01:51:45,200 --> 01:51:48,800
Speaker 2: at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in

2380
01:51:48,840 --> 01:51:53,000
Speaker 2: the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and engaging

2381
01:51:53,040 --> 01:51:58,080
Speaker 2: in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts.

2382
01:51:58,360 --> 01:52:02,200
Speaker 2: Introducing them to gardening, landscaping, and even caring for our

2383
01:52:02,320 --> 01:52:06,320
Speaker 2: animals on our form and on site stables. We just

2384
01:52:06,400 --> 01:52:09,800
Speaker 2: launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising

2385
01:52:09,840 --> 01:52:11,920
Speaker 2: two point eight million dollars. Now why two point eight

2386
01:52:11,920 --> 01:52:12,920
Speaker 2: million dollars?

2387
01:52:13,360 --> 01:52:13,519
Speaker 6: Well.

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01:52:13,560 --> 01:52:15,920
Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

2389
01:52:15,960 --> 01:52:19,879
Speaker 2: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

2390
01:52:20,120 --> 01:52:22,400
Speaker 2: One of the most notable successes was that one of

2391
01:52:22,400 --> 01:52:27,679
Speaker 2: the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

2392
01:52:28,000 --> 01:52:30,240
Speaker 2: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

2393
01:52:30,240 --> 01:52:33,640
Speaker 2: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

2394
01:52:33,640 --> 01:52:37,880
Speaker 2: plan for the homeless community. So, throughout the years, with

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01:52:38,000 --> 01:52:41,519
Speaker 2: much remorse, I reflect and I'm not maximizing that moment.

2396
01:52:41,600 --> 01:52:44,559
Speaker 2: I knew if at that time just ten percent of

2397
01:52:44,560 --> 01:52:47,439
Speaker 2: the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at

2398
01:52:47,520 --> 01:52:51,000
Speaker 2: least two point eight million dollars that could have really

2399
01:52:51,120 --> 01:52:54,120
Speaker 2: established long term support for the homeless community, or at

2400
01:52:54,160 --> 01:52:58,200
Speaker 2: least started a long term initiative to do so. This

2401
01:52:58,840 --> 01:53:02,679
Speaker 2: is my due over, this is our new beginning. Together,

2402
01:53:02,960 --> 01:53:06,280
Speaker 2: we can attack this at the root by specifically helping

2403
01:53:06,400 --> 01:53:11,280
Speaker 2: our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in

2404
01:53:11,320 --> 01:53:15,120
Speaker 2: the American fossil care system. I'm the Terisarwidfield. I've been

2405
01:53:15,320 --> 01:53:18,439
Speaker 2: nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work with the

2406
01:53:18,520 --> 01:53:23,000
Speaker 2: homeless as well as my personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades,

2407
01:53:23,600 --> 01:53:27,880
Speaker 2: the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure

2408
01:53:28,120 --> 01:53:32,639
Speaker 2: for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more

2409
01:53:32,720 --> 01:53:43,960
Speaker 2: details Crown of King and make a donation today. I

2410
01:53:44,000 --> 01:53:47,000
Speaker 2: hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast.

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01:53:47,120 --> 01:53:52,639
Speaker 2: Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.

2412
01:53:53,080 --> 01:53:55,360
Speaker 2: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and

2413
01:53:55,439 --> 01:53:59,280
Speaker 2: YouTube channel. We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify,

2414
01:53:59,320 --> 01:54:02,519
Speaker 2: and Stitcher. Welcome to your support. Simply share our podcast

2415
01:54:02,640 --> 01:54:03,639
Speaker 2: with your friends and family.