WEBVTT - Dear Future Business Partner (Guests: Charles & Jonsi McGill) 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:04.480 I was very superficial. I had one of those stupid lists. 0:00:04.600 --> 0:00:06.160 Why do you call that list superficial? 0:00:06.280 --> 0:00:08.280 You know when little girls were thinking of like, oh, 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:12.520 prince charming, and it's over time that prince charming turned 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.000 into what my ideal husband would be. 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.840 I think it's interesting because a lot of women think 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:19.759 like that. 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:21.400 I ain't never met a man that thought like that. 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:25.320 I had this list. 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:27.400 A lot of people can fit the list. 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:30.280 It's not like we go, she has to look like this, 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.159 she has to be this hight, this skin tone, she 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:33.760 gotta be fine. 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:36.559 Women be having a picture in their brains. 0:00:36.600 --> 0:00:39.159 You talked about starting off as a young girl, but 0:00:39.280 --> 0:00:43.200 we hear prince charming and prince charming. If we focus 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:46.480 on even that name, he's just charming and the physical 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.199 attributes of him. We just start creating this. And so 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:51.040 this is what happens a lot, and this is the truth. 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.080 And women get mad about it. They go, he married 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.320 this type, but he keeps liking this on social media. 0:00:57.440 --> 0:01:00.000 When I say this to women, they may not understand. 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:02.720 And there's a different category that men put wives in 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:04.759 and women that he put that he. 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:08.000 Just smashed in. And that is two distinct categories. 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:10.959 And women confused themselves to be like, but he married this, 0:01:11.080 --> 0:01:11.920 and be like, yeah, he. 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:14.040 Spent his life with that. He gave that to his name. 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:16.280 Just looks. Proof is in the push. 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:19.240 I remember talking to, you know, one of the mentors 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.200 that I had. He said, if you ever find a 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:24.000 woman that's too good to be true, married, I've apposed 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:25.760 to it, like right after, because I was like, I 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:27.800 need to make sure that this stays in my life. 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:29.840 And that was it for me. I need to make 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:31.080 sure this stays in my life. 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:35.679 Look at she looked at she melt and over. We 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:39.320 got your little one doing the technical side of the 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:40.200 episode today. 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:43.039 Yeah, shout out to CJ. 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:44.320 So. 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.160 So we we drafted CJ. 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:49.800 So if y'all hear me sometimes given technical direction to him. 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:52.040 Let's just jump into y'all love story, all right. 0:01:57.520 --> 0:02:01.200 What started as a search for understanding became a journey 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:02.240 of transformation. 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.680 Every letter that I wrote led me to this day. 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:07.400 The day I. 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:11.120 Got married November the twenty second, twenty twenty five. 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:17.399 Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:21.880 long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:23.960 of my soul. At the very thought of you. 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:29.000 This journey has culminated with you as both the award 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:32.440 and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:36.359 the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition 0:02:36.440 --> 0:02:39.000 of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be. 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:44.760 And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance, 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:49.240 the gift promised to those who refuse to faint. 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:54.240 This isn't just our story, this is for all of us. 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:56.880 I'm the Terisaur Whitfield. 0:02:56.480 --> 0:03:00.920 And I'm Ashley are Windfield. Welcome to the Dear Future Podcast. 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.240 Welcome to the Dear Future Wife Podcast. I'm your host Litarisar. 0:03:09.720 --> 0:03:12.440 With hild and I'm Ashley are with filter listen? 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:14.480 Are you still shacking up with us? Come on, if 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:16.560 you're still shacking up with us, can we get a commitment? 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:20.080 Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure you turn 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:23.919 on your notification bell so you be notified about upcoming episodes. 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:26.720 It is so important for you to hit that subscription button. 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.280 We do these episodes on a weekly basis, and we 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:33.520 spend so much time, energy and finances making sure that 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:37.480 we deliver this content free of charge to you. And 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:40.160 so the way you show your support and appreciation is 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:42.680 simply hitting that subscription button and make sure you turn 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:45.680 your notification bell because a lot of times people are saying, 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.800 how do I know when y'are going live on Wednesdays 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.720 at nine am Central Standard time. Well, the way you 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:55.720 find out is you get a notification email let you 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:58.680 know that we are about to go live thirty minutes 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:00.920 before we actually go lives, or make sure you hit 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:05.200 that notification bell man. Today's episode is gonna be quite fun. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.480 I got my people on the podcast, I got my buddies, uh, 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:12.040 and we're gonna we're gonna unpack how they've been instrumental 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:16.080 and building the brand of one of my projects. So, 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:18.599 without further ado, welcome to a Dear Future WIFEI podcast. 0:04:18.720 --> 0:04:23.840 My homies Charles and Johnson mcgil how y'all doing really. 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:25.880 Excited to be here. Thank you so much for. 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:28.680 Having us guys, Thank you so much. Charles, can you 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:30.240 put your microphone closer to close? 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.200 Yeah? Right there, right there, so listen. 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:38.120 We got your little one doing the the technical side 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:39.320 of the episode today. 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:43.600 Yeah, shout out to CJ. 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.040 So so we we we drafted CJ. So if y'all 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:46.320 hear me. 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:50.279 Sometimes given technical direction, to them like right now, CJ. 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:54.960 Go to the camera three and so we're training up 0:04:55.000 --> 0:04:56.479 a child in the way they should go. 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:56.920 Amen. 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.680 And it's this actually a blessing because a lot parents 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.880 won't bring their kids to something like that. You know, 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:07.800 we really try to immerse them in everything that we do. 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:11.040 We tell them about our clients to inspire them. So 0:05:11.240 --> 0:05:14.000 you letting him do that is like, thank you so much. 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:15.279 This actually really this. 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:17.600 Is a total alignment in so many ways because we 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:20.800 actually recently decided to even take them out of school 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:23.760 and homeschool them so that they can, you know, better 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:25.960 grow their talents. Because this boy they want, the one 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:27.760 that's listened to us right now. During the State he 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:29.320 even saying he wanted to be a billionaire since he 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:34.640 was five years old in front of it, and he 0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:37.120 also was able to explain asked them at five years old, 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:38.360 I'm like, what does that even mean? 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:39.440 Like how do you become a billiaire? 0:05:39.440 --> 0:05:40.640 He said, well, you pay a lot of people, do 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:44.040 a lot of things at five years old. I said, hey, man, 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:48.000 that's it. So this boy's been understanding things. He's been 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.640 breaking down business ideas to me for a while. He's 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:53.120 now ten and and and the school told us at 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.320 this point, They're like, we just don't have anything for him, 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:57.640 and so we're like, listen, we don't want to block 0:05:57.680 --> 0:05:59.599 his blessing. We want to figure this thing out. So 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:00.920 who knows, Maybe this is it. 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:01.440 Man. 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:04.960 It's cool because what I've always found, it's all about exposure. 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:10.280 Ashley was a former school teacher in her earlier life 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:14.120 in her twenties. But she talks about exposing kids and 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:17.520 she's really, I mean, let me not even speak on it. 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:20.760 You right here, So what do you think about exposing 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:21.880 kids and stuff like this. 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:27.160 Well, experiences are what make kids, basically, they set them 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:30.840 up for life. And so when there's a lack of exposure, 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.800 sometimes we don't even know how high we can go 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:35.040 or what is possible. 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:35.640 Right. 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.960 We did Teach for America shout out to Teach for 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:42.160 America together actually the same year I just found out. 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.280 Yeah, the world go to the wire shot. 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:48.599 SoJ I want you, when you see us talking as 0:06:48.640 --> 0:06:51.160 a as a group, go to camera three. So go 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:53.680 to camera three and let us sit on camera three 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:54.240 for a little bit. 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:59.000 Yeah. I was Miami cor Yeah, and I was New. 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:04.880 York City core. Crazy. That is crazy. We're not the 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:05.760 same age though. 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:07.200 You want to make sure you say that. 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:09.880 Yeah, yeah, I always say that. 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:14.920 You remind me. That's right, that's clear. 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:22.880 He was a little older when he got into the court. 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:26.680 I went the non conventional path. I didn't go directly 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:28.920 out of college. Uh So, I just I was actually 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.480 a community organizer out in Oakland and decided just to 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:34.920 apply because people had said, well, when I was organizing, 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:37.480 they were like, you know, you should help out more people, 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:39.800 you help out the kids. And I never thought about 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:42.200 being a teacher. I was like no, you know, like, 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:43.520 like what do you mean. They're like, well, there's there's 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:46.520 only two percent of you know, the population of teachers 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:49.280 is black males. And I thought about it. I was like, well, 0:07:49.440 --> 0:07:52.200 the only black male teacher. I only had one. And 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:54.160 that one that I had was my junior year in 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.080 high school and he was the reason why I went 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.200 to college. And so I thought, well, maybe if I 0:07:58.200 --> 0:08:00.400 could help out somebody else, you know. So that's why 0:08:00.520 --> 0:08:03.000 I just applied, just went online and you know what 0:08:03.080 --> 0:08:03.880 grade did you teach? 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:04.880 Seventh grade math? 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:05.280 Wow? 0:08:05.680 --> 0:08:06.440 In North Miami. 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:08.239 Oh that's dope, that's dope. 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:09.920 And I went on to become a principal. 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:13.440 Yes, yes, at the same school. 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:16.080 No, no, no, no no. I went from Miami. 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:18.520 Then I went to New York to become a dean 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.720 out there, and went to grad school out there, and 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:24.440 then met John C. And then we moved to Sacramerica, went. 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:33.600 To grad school at Columbia. 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:31.640 And then I came out to California, where I became 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:32.360 principal out there. 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:34.960 It was everywhere. Yeah, man, so you went to New 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:36.760 York and that's where she taught. 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:38.480 Where did you teach? 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:42.640 I taught at Excellence Boys Charter School, so. 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:48.040 Yes, yeah, yeah, he's your Canarsie. Oh my god. 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:51.440 Yeah yeah so that was but that was twenty thirteen, 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.000 I think, so were you still there? 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:53.360 No. 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:57.000 I left in twenty twelve and then I went I 0:08:57.040 --> 0:09:00.520 went back to LA to work at the Broad Center. Okay, yeah, 0:09:00.559 --> 0:09:04.080 that's crazy, and he did. 0:09:04.120 --> 0:09:04.240 So. 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:08.760 I taught all boys kindergarten and first really really impactful 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:13.200 teaching all little black boys, like I loved, loved it. 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:14.680 So that's awesome. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:18.439 Common school, so you know exactly the type of teaching 0:09:18.480 --> 0:09:20.480 that we were doing and how yes. 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:25.839 Yes, yeah back then, you know I was I think 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:28.839 I was like the second cohort at Hunter College, which 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.079 is now Relay Graduate School of Education. So it was 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:35.640 like back then, like Dave Levin was one of our professors, 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:39.360 which if people don't know, Dave is one of the 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:42.960 founders of KIP, so you know KIP as we know 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:45.520 it today. Like I used to just sit in grad 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:47.960 school and be like, this is really cool. 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:49.680 So yeah, we were. 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:55.200 We were definitely trailblazing some ideas at uncommon, some that 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:59.360 were found to be great and some maybe not so great, 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:02.160 you know, But I think we just give ourselves grace 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:06.400 because we were trying to really create opportunities in neighborhoods 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:10.240 where people had forgotten about our kids. And I'm gonna 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:12.520 say our kids were forgotten about. 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:20.480 Unexpected when stuff comes into the conversation that's so uncommon. 0:10:22.440 --> 0:10:22.960 Exactly. 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:27.440 And then one more thing just about exposure is like 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.600 I do think that for our kids, like a lot 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.920 of times, if we don't show them what's possible, then 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:35.439 we're just raising them. 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:36.280 And they don't know. 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:39.360 They don't even know that's a career, that's an option 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:41.480 or wow, people get paid to do that. 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.679 And so it is really cool to have CJ here today. 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:48.800 Learning about what you know behind the scenes looks like, 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:53.080 so that when he does become the owner of several studios, yeah, 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:54.360 whatever that is. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:56.360 He can be like, well, I started when I was ten. 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:03.240 Remember, I'm gonna Benna be a little older that need 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.000 to come bless me. That's it, you know, So see 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:09.960 back into my life. Bions of dollars you're gonna have, 0:11:10.600 --> 0:11:11.560 We're gonna be a billionaire. 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:13.000 Ain't gonna it ain't gonna. 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:23.840 Hurt to you know, Girey, Yeah, man, But that's what 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:27.040 I'm talking about. It's these things that happen that you 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.559 get exposure at a young age and you don't realize 0:11:29.600 --> 0:11:31.880 the impact that it had. That's the reason why I've 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:34.360 always been the type that I leave with an open 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.840 hand to give kids. I remember we were growing up 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:38.960 they say, if you can see it, you can achieve it, 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.440 you know, And so that we used to say that 0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:44.920 in kindergarten a lot, and growing up in the hood, 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:50.040 growing up in very low economic environments, taught me that 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:52.320 I don't have to be the product of my environment. 0:11:52.640 --> 0:11:55.040 And so when I see a young kid, I'd be like, hey, 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:58.040 and these kids know so much so quickly. If they 0:11:58.080 --> 0:12:00.120 know how to play some of these advanced games, on 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.560 the iPad. They can clearly learn how to do some 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:05.400 switching on some cameras work for them. So that's how 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:07.600 I look at it. Let's just jump into y'all's love story, 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:11.120 all right. Y'all celebrated ten years of marriage in February. 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:18.360 This February of twenty twenty six was ten years Caulationngratulations, congratulations, 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:20.440 And just I didn't know what y'all lived in so 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:21.439 many different. 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:24.040 States, oh man, So let me go back to that. 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.640 Y'all met in New York and then how many times 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:27.840 did y'all move from states? 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:29.640 How many states did y'all experience living together? 0:12:30.000 --> 0:12:34.680 So we met New York. Yes, it's actually a cute 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:40.280 little story, all right, all right, So it was it 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:41.520 was it was a dark ready night. 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:44.760 It was. 0:12:46.720 --> 0:12:47.400 Street in Harlem. 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:51.120 Yeah, before we get there. Hold on, I was traveling 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.319 from Knarsi to Harlem. And for those who've been to 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.880 New York, you guys know how long that community. This 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:59.880 is hour plus. My phone had actually died, completely died, 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.480 like it was damage. It just it just wasn't gonna work, 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.440 you know it Stow's the iPhone And I was really 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:08.640 upset because on the train, like that's that's my piece 0:13:08.720 --> 0:13:11.000 is to listen to music, listen to the audio books, 0:13:11.040 --> 0:13:13.760 you know, podcast something, and I didn't have it, and 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:15.440 I was so upset. So I had to go a 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:17.640 whole hour and a half on the train with all 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:19.240 the you know, the different stuff on the train. 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:21.600 I want to say too. 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:24.120 But then I ended up getting off on the wrong 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:26.720 stop and it was raining, so I had to walk 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:28.400 to one twenty five. I out of want sixteenth. I 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.400 got to walk to one twenty fifth in the rain. 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:33.240 I'm upset, and I went to the AT and T store. 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.679 That's when John Cy was working. And when I got in, 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:36.800 actually I was upset. 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:37.040 I was. 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.880 I was an irate customer. I got in, I saw 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:41.760 there was a que I saw my name. Seemed like 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:44.800 people was playing around and before, like years ago, I 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.880 used to work at AT and T store myself. So I'm 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:49.160 looking at it and I'm like, dang, these people, ain't 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:49.560 you know. 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:50.680 I'm like, come on, man. 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.120 By the time she came to me, I saw her, 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:57.240 and I mean I thought she was was pretty, but 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:58.760 I was I was like, I don't care about that, 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:02.480 You're about to get this work. So I was I 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:05.760 was pretty, you know, just very direct with her, and 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:08.439 she was was like very kind, you know, she was 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:11.360 just kind of smiling at me and laughing. And I 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.160 ended up, you know, kind of just you know, kind 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:15.600 of pressing, and she ended up saying something to me, 0:14:15.960 --> 0:14:17.320 and it caught me off guard and I was like 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:19.640 hold on. I was like, you being condescending and she 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:21.520 was like no, and she gave me a big old 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.400 smile and I was like, man, I'm tripping. 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:25.560 I'm being a jerk right now. 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.840 And so I said, you know, I got to reset this. 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.120 I gotta figure this thing out. Because then she went 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:32.720 to the counter and she was kind of fixing my phone. 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.440 There was some music playing, and I saw her kind 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:37.520 of swaying back and forth doing a little dance right. 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:39.680 A little shoulder behind, a little it was a little 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:41.520 little hip action, a little little bit she was. 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:43.400 She wasn't like full on dancing, but it was, you know, 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:45.520 she was just enjoying herself, like she was having fun. 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.360 And I looked at her and I was just like wow, 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:51.320 like she is. God, I need to change this around. 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:53.320 I started thinking to myself like how can I how 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:58.400 can I somehow get this number because I'm tripping and somehow, 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:02.880 so she came back and I said, you know, I 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:04.360 was looking at her and I was like, hey, you know, 0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:08.400 is there any way that you know, we could uh, 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:12.200 you know, like talk about something, you know, work together 0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:14.720 or something, because I was doing like a podcast and 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:17.160 I was doing a blog at the time, and I 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:18.800 told her about the blog and she said that she 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.200 had been doing articles and she was also an editor. 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:23.680 So I was like, hey, is there any ways that 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:25.560 I could you know, get your number or something like 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:28.480 that so you can maybe work together on my website. 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:30.080 She was like yeah, sure. 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:33.400 But in the midst of all this, this is the 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:35.280 crazy thing that happened. In the midst of all this, 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.960 I heard a word that came to my spirit and 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:41.960 it was family. And I knew it was something that 0:15:42.000 --> 0:15:44.560 I had to pay attention to. And so I stopped 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:46.800 as I was trying to you know, transition and get 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:50.440 her number, and I said, you know, where are you from? 0:15:50.520 --> 0:15:51.400 Where are your people from? 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:51.720 Right? 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:54.120 Cause I'm thinking, is she family? Is God telling me 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:55.920 that this is my cousin? I need to stop. 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:03.360 So you know, you know, I'll asking we're people from? 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.480 And she's telling me, you said North Carolina And I'm like, Noah, 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:08.880 my people ain't from there, and so I'm like okay. 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:12.240 So anyway, I ended up trying to, you know, get 0:16:12.240 --> 0:16:14.600 the number, and so I asked her for her information. 0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:17.000 She gave me a business card, and so I asked her, 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:19.120 I said, you know, is this your number? And she 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.120 was like, yeah, it's my number. I was like, is 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:24.200 this like your business number or your number and she 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.880 was like no, it's my number, and so I said okay, 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:29.320 So but also I want to I want to also 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:31.640 like pause because she gets up substantized because I say 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:33.960 my side, but she doesn't tell her side. So what 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:36.560 was happening to you while we were doing all day? 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:36.760 So? 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.040 Actually I was supposed to leave. So that's why I 0:16:39.080 --> 0:16:42.680 say God brought us together because I'd been there from 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:44.880 the morning. I was supposed to leave hours before that, 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.680 but I stayed to help out. And then you know, 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.000 it was like really he came in like right at 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:55.520 closing times. I was like this dude walking in, And 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:58.960 so when the customer service girl came to ask me 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:01.680 if I could help somebody, I just kind of peeked 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:03.240 out and I was like, oh, he's kind of cute. 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:07.040 I am. I'll just stay in hell. I need some 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:11.439 extra money anyway. So but then I went out, you know, 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:13.560 after I got my little iPad and everything, I went 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:16.479 out and as I started to walk towards him, I 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:20.359 saw like this golden orange glow around him. Really yeah, 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:23.800 and I'd never seen that before, and I'm like, I'm 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:26.880 supposed to help him for some reason. It like, even 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:30.199 when I talk about it now and re kind of 0:17:30.280 --> 0:17:32.960 imagining that in my mind, I get chilled sometimes. But 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.000 you know that's why I say God, for some reason, 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.199 God was speaking to both of us in different ways 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:45.480 in that moment. It was it was orange and golden, 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:48.320 and it was amazing just all around him. And then 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:49.720 I go up to him and he's. 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:56.000 All, so, so you were around when I grew up 0:17:56.040 --> 0:18:04.440 about the movie Last Dragon where he had got yeah, yeah, glow, 0:18:05.000 --> 0:18:05.560 But I didn't know. 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:10.080 I wouldn't focus on none of that, that's right. 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:15.840 And so how did that transition from that meeting at 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:17.840 her job to something greater? 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.040 Yeah? So I ended up calling her and you know, 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.719 setting up a time for us to get together. And 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.080 when we first we we said, we you know, have 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:26.919 go to dinner, right, But I didn't know if it 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.119 was a date or not. And and you know, I 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:30.439 don't think she knew if we didn't know if it 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:32.560 was a date or not, but I know that, uh 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.439 you know, when I arrived, she had me waiting for 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:37.679 a little bit. At least it was an hour, so. 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:39.280 You know, I take a little time to get ready. 0:18:39.680 --> 0:18:42.720 God, so I felt like I was was. 0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:44.560 Also a little test, like, let me see if he 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:45.399 can tolerate that. 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:49.199 Usually I felt like I was being tested, so I 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:50.800 was like, let me just be chilled. You know, she 0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:53.440 came down. I didn't know it was a date until. 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:56.720 I saw her. So you were sitting outside, sitting car, 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:58.920 waiting for an hour? For an hour? Was it really 0:18:58.920 --> 0:18:59.720 an hour? Yes? 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:00.240 Not? 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.399 Yeah, I don't And before that, I said, hey, there 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:06.520 was a store on the other side of town and 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.200 that sells the seasoning that I really liked. And I 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:10.760 don't have a car. I knew he had a car. 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:12.840 I was like, hey, before you come, can you just 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:13.960 pop by the store? 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:18.640 Oh yeah, And it was not even out the way. 0:19:18.880 --> 0:19:20.960 But it was the most random season I ever. I 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:22.960 had never even heard of this thing, and so I 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.000 had to go look. And it wasn't like obvious. I 0:19:25.000 --> 0:19:27.000 had to go look. I ask people like I was like, 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:29.840 so it took me a minute, but I was just like, 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:30.879 why am I even doing this? 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:34.040 But you still got there and then had to wait, Yeah, 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:36.200 with the store still wait. 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:41.800 So I was like, oh, but I'm thinking, like I 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:44.040 don't know if this is professional or not. And so 0:19:44.119 --> 0:19:46.479 I'm just you know, I'm a studious person, and I'm like, 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:48.560 if you give me a task, I task oriented, So 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:50.560 I'm gonna go do the thing. So I was just 0:19:50.560 --> 0:19:52.399 sitting there, but I was thinking myself, am I playing 0:19:52.400 --> 0:19:53.000 myself right now? 0:19:53.200 --> 0:19:56.320 Like what that's about? Maybe just be patient to figure 0:19:56.359 --> 0:19:56.640 this out. 0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:58.760 But then when she when she came down, oh man, 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:00.600 and I saw the way she looked, I was like, okay, 0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:06.840 this is a date. Uh. She had like a white top. 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:09.760 I forgot the texture. I'm gonna say, cashme or what. 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:11.679 I don't know what the texture was, but it was 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:13.560 this white top. And it was just because when she 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:16.280 at the store, she'd have no makeup on. She was 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:19.080 like wearing baggy clothes, so you couldn't really you know, 0:20:19.200 --> 0:20:21.600 you knew she was a beautiful person, but you couldn't tell. 0:20:21.880 --> 0:20:24.800 But when she came out and she you know, oh man, 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.040 I was like, oh man, this, Yeah, this is definitely 0:20:27.040 --> 0:20:28.200 a date, and so. 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:35.080 I don't know what. So we end up going to 0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:36.680 the restaurant and then afterward as. 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:39.840 To the movies, and then we were in the movie together, 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:42.280 uh you know, he getting clothes and things like that. 0:20:42.480 --> 0:20:44.760 And the thing that I remember the most was just her. 0:20:45.160 --> 0:20:47.240 She was kind of motioning, you know, towards me, and 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:49.119 she kind of had her hair kind of you know, 0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:51.720 hit me in that little bit and I was just like, man, 0:20:52.119 --> 0:20:54.040 I was like, man, this is this is a moment. 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:55.720 And then we had our first kiss in the theater 0:20:56.359 --> 0:20:57.880 and I just I still remember it to this day, 0:20:57.920 --> 0:21:00.040 like it still gives me chills, like thinking about it, 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:02.639 because right after we got done kissing, I remember just 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:04.199 looking I was like, I'm in trouble. 0:21:05.280 --> 0:21:08.960 I was like, I'm in trouble. This is why was 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:09.520 you in trouble? 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:13.399 Because I could just see like I wasn't going nowhere. 0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:15.679 You're talking from that moment, you knew that. 0:21:15.760 --> 0:21:18.040 From that moment, I was like, this is different. This 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:20.840 is something that because at the time, and I say 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:23.320 this about our us getting together because we both in 0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:26.160 our thirties, is that we had our eyes wide open. 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:27.120 Right. 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:29.960 We have been through you know, I've been through a 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:33.040 previous marriage, I had kids. Uh you know, Johnsy was 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:35.199 just you know, a single person, but had been you 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:35.960 know through. 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:38.960 You know, dating in New York City for a black woman, 0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:41.719 it's not easy, not theiest. 0:21:42.040 --> 0:21:42.240 You know. 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:43.920 We let me ask you, as we said, as a 0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:45.840 black woman, what's the difference in New York. 0:21:46.440 --> 0:21:49.800 Well, it just seems harder for us because you know, 0:21:50.000 --> 0:21:56.440 there's there's there seems to be a lack of compatible 0:21:57.160 --> 0:22:00.480 black men for us. That's how I felt, and a 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:02.199 lot of my friends felt when we were in our 0:22:02.240 --> 0:22:05.919 twenties dating it was really hard. And then the ones, 0:22:06.440 --> 0:22:08.800 you know, the the fellas that were out there, they 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:11.280 just they just went to play the field. And you know, 0:22:11.600 --> 0:22:15.239 I'm I'm in finance and doing all this stuff, and 0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:18.239 they just wanted to, you know, be reckless. And so 0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:21.119 it was really hard finding a mate. So when I 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:23.600 met Charles, I was like I had kind of given 0:22:23.680 --> 0:22:28.000 up at that point. I'm like, it is what mind 0:22:28.560 --> 0:22:31.439 I was. I was even from a young age. I 0:22:31.520 --> 0:22:34.800 was just it's so funny because when I was a teenager, 0:22:34.880 --> 0:22:38.800 God put on my spirit that I would have a 0:22:38.840 --> 0:22:41.520 business with my husband. I would have a husband and 0:22:41.560 --> 0:22:46.080 we be working together. Really yes, it's. 0:22:47.600 --> 0:22:51.680 Yeah, we want to get back to that God just God, 0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:52.560 just that. 0:22:52.760 --> 0:22:54.760 He really is. And I didn't grow up in the 0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:57.679 church or anything like that. I didn't, uh you know. 0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:00.800 I went to church occasionally with my family on Easter. 0:23:01.440 --> 0:23:03.920 That was an extent. But I always, you know, I 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:07.520 would pray, and you know, pray through a lot of 0:23:08.080 --> 0:23:11.040 you know, a lot of things. But that was always 0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:13.720 something that had been on my spirit. And then as 0:23:13.760 --> 0:23:17.199 I got older and older into my thirties, I was 0:23:17.280 --> 0:23:20.920 just like, Okay, maybe maybe this isn't you know, maybe 0:23:20.920 --> 0:23:22.080 this isn't meant for me. 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:25.240 All right, And so in the movies, you got your 0:23:25.280 --> 0:23:27.840 first kiss and you you you locked in, you like, 0:23:27.960 --> 0:23:28.760 You're like, this. 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:30.000 Is this is this is it for me? 0:23:30.280 --> 0:23:32.040 Yeah, we were pretty much insuperable. 0:23:32.080 --> 0:23:33.440 After that was your marriage mind? 0:23:33.960 --> 0:23:39.480 Uh no, uh socause I already already did that. 0:23:39.640 --> 0:23:41.600 Yeah, so after that, you just said I'll never get 0:23:41.640 --> 0:23:42.440 married again. Yeah. 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:44.840 Before I met her, I was just like, I'm gonna 0:23:44.840 --> 0:23:47.280 do my my George, George Clooney, you know at the time, 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:49.560 you know, he was like the you know, the old guy, 0:23:49.640 --> 0:23:51.640 the bachelor, right, So I was like, yeah, I'm gonna 0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:54.320 do that basket exactly. I was, I'm gonna do that, 0:23:54.400 --> 0:23:56.520 like I was, you know what I'm saying, and and 0:23:56.520 --> 0:23:59.119 and so I had my my feel if you will. Yeah, 0:23:59.240 --> 0:24:01.960 I knew that I want, you know, something serious, But 0:24:02.119 --> 0:24:05.120 I just I wasn't like trying to you know, find 0:24:05.160 --> 0:24:08.240 I wasn't actively pursuing anything. I wasn't you know, looking, 0:24:08.359 --> 0:24:10.320 you know, and I wasn't praying about it. I was 0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:12.440 just like I was just like, you know what, God, 0:24:12.480 --> 0:24:14.280 I'm gonna go ahead and just you know, be the 0:24:14.280 --> 0:24:15.280 best version of myself. 0:24:15.480 --> 0:24:16.480 That's what I was. That's what it was. 0:24:16.480 --> 0:24:17.960 I was just working on me, just trying to be 0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:20.919 the best version myself. And that's all I was focused on. 0:24:21.080 --> 0:24:26.160 And so when that happened, like that kiss happened because 0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:29.640 it rearranged my whole thought because I went from from being, 0:24:29.720 --> 0:24:31.199 you know, I'm gonna be a bachelor to now and 0:24:31.240 --> 0:24:32.399 be like I got to marry this. 0:24:34.160 --> 0:24:36.240 I was like, oh God, how did you know that? Johnsy? 0:24:38.160 --> 0:24:39.960 You know, he just switched that quick was he did? 0:24:40.000 --> 0:24:41.159 He started acting different. 0:24:41.480 --> 0:24:45.399 Well, you know what after after that first date and 0:24:45.480 --> 0:24:48.120 maybe after like a couple of weeks we did we 0:24:48.560 --> 0:24:51.320 like he said, we were inseparable. I was always at 0:24:51.320 --> 0:24:54.480 his place. We were always together. I just you know, 0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:58.359 I stopped hanging with my friends as much, and we 0:24:58.760 --> 0:25:00.240 just spent so much time. 0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:01.800 To get you'll spend so much time together that you 0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:03.040 got pregnant six month later. 0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:06.960 Shout out to c J. 0:25:09.200 --> 0:25:09.639 That's how you. 0:25:12.200 --> 0:25:12.600 Didn't know. 0:25:16.359 --> 0:25:19.360 Get married first? 0:25:19.600 --> 0:25:21.320 He had a question. I think he's done the matthe 0:25:21.359 --> 0:25:23.560 yet It's like. 0:25:23.520 --> 0:25:27.120 We're celebrating ten years of marriage and I'm ten. Put 0:25:27.119 --> 0:25:27.960 that together. 0:25:30.400 --> 0:25:34.719 And so at what point, so y'all got had this 0:25:34.760 --> 0:25:39.520 whirlwind love where y'all six months in get pregnant, and 0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:43.200 then at that moment that you start saying, who brought 0:25:43.280 --> 0:25:46.879 up the conversation about marriage at this point? Because because 0:25:47.280 --> 0:25:49.040 Charles wasn't thinking about marriage. 0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:52.960 Well, I think after I got pregnant, then yeah, he 0:25:53.080 --> 0:25:56.040 was like, okay, we have to because he's always been 0:25:56.119 --> 0:26:00.399 very mature. He's a very mature person. He's very you know, 0:26:00.800 --> 0:26:02.320 he's just like a little old man. 0:26:05.520 --> 0:26:06.200 I've been called. 0:26:09.280 --> 0:26:12.520 He's super wise and super smart. So I think he 0:26:12.680 --> 0:26:15.439 just kind of put the puzzle pieces together, like okay, 0:26:16.400 --> 0:26:21.320 maybe because you know what, it's funny. God probably handed 0:26:21.359 --> 0:26:25.560 that too, because I don't know if we it may 0:26:25.600 --> 0:26:28.280 have taken us a lot longer to get married if 0:26:28.320 --> 0:26:32.880 that hadn't happened. That because I was still kind of 0:26:32.960 --> 0:26:37.800 like on the fence of like, you know, you know, 0:26:38.040 --> 0:26:40.280 still kind of thinking in the back of my way 0:26:40.280 --> 0:26:43.240 back in my mind, marriage wasn't going to happen for me. 0:26:43.320 --> 0:26:45.679 Even though we were having a great time, you know, 0:26:45.800 --> 0:26:49.080 hanging out and getting to know each other and spending 0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:53.160 time together and having deep, wonderful conversations about, you know, 0:26:53.720 --> 0:26:58.160 eventually what we want to do in life, I didn't 0:26:58.200 --> 0:27:01.240 think it's gonna Yeah, I think, like I think, we 0:27:01.240 --> 0:27:03.640 were both at a place where we just enjoying each other. 0:27:04.240 --> 0:27:06.240 And you know, I think because of what we have 0:27:06.359 --> 0:27:10.200 been through, we both had in our mind that this 0:27:10.240 --> 0:27:12.680 could be short. Just at any moment, this can end. 0:27:12.840 --> 0:27:16.320 And we were okay with that because I think, yeah, 0:27:16.359 --> 0:27:19.720 because I mean, it's eyes wide open. We were very 0:27:19.760 --> 0:27:21.840 mature about it, like we we knew that, you know, 0:27:22.000 --> 0:27:25.040 like we we both had passed, you know, we we 0:27:25.040 --> 0:27:29.920 we weren't people who were necessarily like lacking interest from 0:27:29.920 --> 0:27:32.320 other people, you know, like I know, John c is 0:27:32.320 --> 0:27:35.200 a highly sought after person, you know, what. 0:27:35.160 --> 0:27:42.240 She is now she's always been bad. 0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:44.000 She always been bad, right, I mean, so I know 0:27:44.160 --> 0:27:47.160 she had suitors. I know all types of people wanted 0:27:47.200 --> 0:27:49.520 it right and you know I do, Okay, right, So 0:27:49.720 --> 0:27:50.120 I wasn't. 0:27:50.160 --> 0:27:51.080 I wasn't lacking for. 0:27:54.600 --> 0:27:57.240 No hard feelings, no hard feelings, and so you know, 0:27:57.400 --> 0:27:59.120 it wasn't. And that's why I think we were able 0:27:59.160 --> 0:28:02.840 to kind of just resting in the relationship because we 0:28:02.840 --> 0:28:04.920 were clear about who we were and what we had, 0:28:04.920 --> 0:28:06.399 and we had options and we knew that, but we 0:28:06.480 --> 0:28:09.119 kept choosing each other. That's the thing that I was 0:28:09.200 --> 0:28:12.840 just like so like amazed by is that every day 0:28:13.240 --> 0:28:15.679 and no matter what situation it was, we kept choosing 0:28:15.720 --> 0:28:18.560 each other. And so when that when when she got pregnant, 0:28:19.000 --> 0:28:22.560 it wasn't like oh man, you know, it was like okay, it. 0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:24.639 Was like, oh, she doesn't trap me trying to blame 0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:29.520 her when you're the one that was participating. We tried 0:28:29.520 --> 0:28:33.640 to blame the woman for them getting pregnant. 0:28:35.320 --> 0:28:35.720 It was not. 0:28:37.480 --> 0:28:37.879 Eyes for this. 0:28:37.960 --> 0:28:44.800 But we know the day it happened, okay, because it was. 0:28:44.760 --> 0:28:49.880 That it was that kind of day. So right, Yeah, 0:28:49.920 --> 0:28:50.640 we had a good time. 0:28:50.800 --> 0:28:54.400 So you know Father's Day. 0:28:54.520 --> 0:28:59.360 Yeah, So she was like she I don't want to 0:28:59.440 --> 0:29:02.480 say everything that happened, but but it was very intentional 0:29:02.800 --> 0:29:04.640 and she wanted to celebrate me and we had a 0:29:04.640 --> 0:29:05.080 great time. 0:29:06.600 --> 0:29:11.680 A few weeks later we re member Father's Day. The 0:29:11.720 --> 0:29:13.520 other day we'd be like, boy, we had a time. 0:29:15.320 --> 0:29:18.840 It was very intense, very it was very very you. 0:29:18.760 --> 0:29:26.000 Want to celebrate him and so and so it was 0:29:26.040 --> 0:29:28.880 an understanding. It was cool. You were just like, hey, listen, 0:29:29.200 --> 0:29:32.720 we're choosing each other every day. She's pregnant, I'm finna 0:29:32.760 --> 0:29:33.240 choose her. 0:29:33.480 --> 0:29:33.960 When did that? 0:29:34.160 --> 0:29:36.680 When did God bring back to your mind that word 0:29:36.720 --> 0:29:37.960 that dropped in your spirit? 0:29:38.280 --> 0:29:39.840 Family? Wow? 0:29:39.960 --> 0:29:43.480 So as we recording, obviously I let her know that 0:29:43.520 --> 0:29:44.320 I had kids. 0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:46.760 How many kids? You have three? 0:29:46.920 --> 0:29:49.520 I have three, three daughters from a previous marriage. They're 0:29:49.560 --> 0:29:51.800 all grown now. So I got twenty five, twenty two, 0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:56.560 and twenty and so, you know, she was aware of 0:29:56.600 --> 0:30:01.160 that and she was okay with it. As we you know, 0:30:01.240 --> 0:30:04.600 once she got pregnant, we wanted the kids to meet her, 0:30:05.080 --> 0:30:07.640 and she came and flew out and met the kids, 0:30:08.320 --> 0:30:11.080 and then she met my mom and my family and 0:30:11.160 --> 0:30:15.160 just my family's from California. They were in Cali, so 0:30:15.200 --> 0:30:19.840 I was in New York, Sacramento. And so as she 0:30:19.920 --> 0:30:23.160 kept meeting people, like the way that they just fell 0:30:23.160 --> 0:30:25.400 in love with her in a similar way that that 0:30:25.720 --> 0:30:28.280 I did. And the thing about it is like as 0:30:28.280 --> 0:30:30.360 soon as we got together, and I don't want to 0:30:30.400 --> 0:30:33.240 get into too much of this, but no one really 0:30:33.320 --> 0:30:35.760 knew about her when I was in New York. But 0:30:35.920 --> 0:30:39.160 shortly after we got together, God started to make it 0:30:39.200 --> 0:30:41.760 so that I would be able to come back and 0:30:41.800 --> 0:30:45.600 be with my girls because the previous relationship wasn't it 0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:48.080 wasn't great, and so there was I just do a 0:30:48.080 --> 0:30:50.480 lot of traveling. So I would travel back to California 0:30:50.520 --> 0:30:51.840 when I was Miami, when I was in New York, 0:30:52.120 --> 0:30:54.600 I'd be traveling back every month or two to go 0:30:54.720 --> 0:30:57.200 see them, right, And that was something I was constantly. 0:30:57.200 --> 0:30:59.360 I was working two three jobs. I was constantly doing that. 0:31:00.080 --> 0:31:03.520 Did it around that time that we got together, Uh, 0:31:03.880 --> 0:31:07.120 they're my kid's mother. They she decided that, you know, 0:31:07.760 --> 0:31:09.800 why don't you come back and let's try to do 0:31:09.880 --> 0:31:11.040 some co parenting kind of thing. 0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:15.640 And so back Wet City, Sacramento, Sacramento. So you're going 0:31:15.920 --> 0:31:18.520 coast to coast, yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:20.960 And so when we got together, it just all started 0:31:21.040 --> 0:31:22.600 kind of happening, and I started I was like, God, 0:31:22.640 --> 0:31:24.920 this this, this is, this is this is kind of crazy. 0:31:24.960 --> 0:31:26.920 As soon as I get with her, all of a sudden, 0:31:26.960 --> 0:31:28.640 now you know, I'm able to come back. 0:31:28.720 --> 0:31:30.080 You know, we're we're going to work things out. 0:31:30.560 --> 0:31:33.240 And just a lot of my relationships started getting better too, 0:31:33.800 --> 0:31:36.200 like just healing, and and then and a lot of 0:31:36.240 --> 0:31:38.920 another crazy thing that happened as soon as we moved 0:31:39.000 --> 0:31:43.600 back and we're doing the cold parenting thing. I ended 0:31:43.680 --> 0:31:45.960 up getting a principal job in Sacramento. Then I got 0:31:45.960 --> 0:31:49.280 a principal job in Stockton, which is nearby a Sacramento. 0:31:50.240 --> 0:31:52.959 I'm at the school in Stockton, and while I'm at 0:31:52.960 --> 0:31:55.720 the school in Stockton, someone comes up to me and says, hey, 0:31:56.320 --> 0:32:00.520 you know, I know your mom. And I'm like, uh, mom, 0:32:00.560 --> 0:32:03.720 like you know, and I'm thinking my mom, my stepmom? 0:32:03.840 --> 0:32:04.920 Who actually, who's my mom? 0:32:04.960 --> 0:32:08.640 Who raised me? My mom? My biological mom. I didn't really, 0:32:09.240 --> 0:32:12.280 you know, grow up with like that. And so I'm like, 0:32:12.320 --> 0:32:16.400 who are you talking about? And then long story short, 0:32:16.760 --> 0:32:20.040 ended up being her my biological mom. She somehow found 0:32:20.080 --> 0:32:21.960 out that I had moved to Stockton and I was 0:32:21.960 --> 0:32:25.400 a principal at the school met that knew that girl 0:32:25.440 --> 0:32:27.600 and I was her principal, this little girl that was 0:32:28.080 --> 0:32:33.120 you know. And then when she met my logical mom, 0:32:33.200 --> 0:32:36.440 met my wife, the way they hit it off, it 0:32:36.520 --> 0:32:38.680 was just like all this stuff kept happening, like you know, 0:32:38.800 --> 0:32:41.600 like just family from everywhere, and it was all like 0:32:41.680 --> 0:32:43.440 I could see Johnsy was like at the root of 0:32:43.440 --> 0:32:45.480 it because she would be bringing people together, she'd be 0:32:45.560 --> 0:32:48.120 telling me to call people, she'd be connecting things and 0:32:48.200 --> 0:32:51.400 it's just like, so yes, the family word that has 0:32:51.520 --> 0:32:55.480 been like she's been that since the whole ten years, 0:32:55.520 --> 0:32:58.600 like I've I'm closer than anyone everyone because of her. 0:32:58.960 --> 0:32:59.840 You see what God did. 0:33:00.920 --> 0:33:05.800 God drop that word in your spirit at the first 0:33:05.920 --> 0:33:10.480 encounter of her, and then God began to heal your bloodline. 0:33:10.720 --> 0:33:14.520 He allowed you to start establishing family with john Z 0:33:14.960 --> 0:33:18.440 and then started healing. You're talking about your biological mama, 0:33:18.520 --> 0:33:20.920 who you didn't have a relationship with at all, now 0:33:21.000 --> 0:33:24.280 comes back into your life because your ex wife is 0:33:24.320 --> 0:33:28.320 now welcoming you back with a co parenting situation across 0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:28.960 the country. 0:33:29.520 --> 0:33:30.440 That's what I'm saying. It was. 0:33:30.480 --> 0:33:33.000 It was amazing, Yes, and every I say every year 0:33:33.640 --> 0:33:36.880 God reminds me of that word and who Johnsy represents 0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:40.120 because even when things are you know, you know, family 0:33:40.160 --> 0:33:45.160 is sometimes scenes get get a little questionable. John Cy 0:33:45.240 --> 0:33:47.440 is that person that constant for me who's been like, hey, 0:33:47.480 --> 0:33:50.600 give them a call, give them a text, let's try 0:33:50.600 --> 0:33:52.920 to reach out. Let's you know, let's do something. 0:33:53.240 --> 0:33:53.520 Wow. 0:33:53.680 --> 0:33:56.760 So you know, yeah, and were you very close with 0:33:56.840 --> 0:33:57.480 your family? 0:33:58.400 --> 0:33:59.800 Your family is all you're from. 0:33:59.840 --> 0:34:04.120 The So I was raised in New York and my 0:34:04.200 --> 0:34:06.760 mom I was raised by a single mother. I didn't 0:34:06.800 --> 0:34:09.080 have a father growing up. So that's part of the 0:34:09.120 --> 0:34:14.560 reason why I, you know, wanted to be with Charles 0:34:14.600 --> 0:34:18.960 because in my mind, I always growing up as a kid, 0:34:18.960 --> 0:34:20.520 I would be like, oh, if I had a dad, 0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:23.960 he would do this and this, and you know, wanted 0:34:24.080 --> 0:34:28.880 a father figure. And I have a stepfather who's been 0:34:29.600 --> 0:34:32.000 kind of in and out of my life since I 0:34:32.040 --> 0:34:35.880 was a child, who's for some reason I was an 0:34:35.920 --> 0:34:40.840 adult who's more consistent in my life. But I didn't 0:34:41.120 --> 0:34:43.799 really have a father. And so when I saw how 0:34:43.840 --> 0:34:46.799 he was with his girls, how much he loved them, 0:34:47.120 --> 0:34:50.799 and just you know, those are like his little princesses, 0:34:52.400 --> 0:34:55.680 and how wonderful they were because of him, I was like, 0:34:56.239 --> 0:34:59.520 you know, this is who I want to have children. 0:35:00.200 --> 0:35:00.960 Yeah. 0:35:01.040 --> 0:35:04.799 So, but yeah, being raised by a single mom was 0:35:04.840 --> 0:35:08.960 not easy. It was just, you know, family was not 0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:14.000 really like a strong a strong point, especially after so 0:35:14.040 --> 0:35:16.719 when I was fourteen, my brother was murdered by the 0:35:16.760 --> 0:35:20.920 police in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and so that kind of really 0:35:21.000 --> 0:35:25.960 shook our family. It was really, you know, super devastating, 0:35:26.160 --> 0:35:28.799 and I don't think we ever really healed from it 0:35:28.840 --> 0:35:34.040 as a family. And so hearing him say that, you know, 0:35:34.200 --> 0:35:37.680 I know the importance of all those connections and being 0:35:37.719 --> 0:35:41.120 in each other's lives, So you know, that's why, that's 0:35:41.160 --> 0:35:44.839 why I wanted him to pursue those relationships as best 0:35:44.880 --> 0:35:45.280 he could. 0:35:46.680 --> 0:35:47.560 That is beautiful. 0:35:47.800 --> 0:35:51.080 And so after how long did it take y'all to 0:35:51.120 --> 0:35:54.399 get married after y'all got pregnant? 0:35:55.120 --> 0:35:55.480 Months? 0:35:55.640 --> 0:35:58.000 Right? I mean yeah, yeah, So we got. 0:35:57.920 --> 0:36:01.200 We met in January and then found out I was 0:36:01.239 --> 0:36:05.920 pregnant like the fall, and then we got married in 0:36:06.000 --> 0:36:08.520 that following February the next year. 0:36:09.160 --> 0:36:12.879 So from a literally a year from meeting each other, 0:36:12.960 --> 0:36:13.720 y'all got married. 0:36:13.880 --> 0:36:17.000 Yeah, and we've been inseparable like that even year. We 0:36:17.080 --> 0:36:19.520 kind of sometimes count that year that you know, we 0:36:19.520 --> 0:36:22.040 were just dating because we just were always together, like 0:36:22.320 --> 0:36:23.960 you know, it just it seemed like we just were 0:36:24.000 --> 0:36:25.400 locked in. M hm. 0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:28.080 And so what did your parents say on both side 0:36:28.080 --> 0:36:31.000 when you said, hey, I'm pregnant and hey we're married. 0:36:31.040 --> 0:36:35.800 Who my mama was? She was because she's old school, 0:36:36.040 --> 0:36:38.960 you know. She She's like, he better marry you. 0:36:40.200 --> 0:36:41.920 What's going what's gonna happen? 0:36:42.040 --> 0:36:48.560 She was like, I'm gonna have a shotgun, Like you 0:36:48.560 --> 0:36:50.840 don't have to do that, you know, it's it's fine, 0:36:51.320 --> 0:36:52.120 it's gonna happen. 0:36:52.880 --> 0:36:56.759 Yeah, I mean, I'm my family. So my mom who 0:36:57.640 --> 0:36:59.960 who I really was? You know, who mattered to me 0:37:00.200 --> 0:37:01.960 the opinion of the matter the most. My stepmom, but 0:37:02.040 --> 0:37:05.920 my mom when she met her, and my mom is, 0:37:06.200 --> 0:37:10.040 you know, very spiritual. She's the spiritual core of the 0:37:10.200 --> 0:37:15.640 entire family. She told me, she said, she said, son, 0:37:16.040 --> 0:37:19.120 because I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past, 0:37:19.560 --> 0:37:21.440 some stuff that not only broke my heart, but my 0:37:21.480 --> 0:37:22.879 mom's heart. Because you don't want to see me hurt. 0:37:23.239 --> 0:37:26.440 And so, you know, we we kind of together agreed 0:37:26.480 --> 0:37:28.640 that I probably should just stay single, like you know, 0:37:29.480 --> 0:37:31.919 and my mom told me, she's like, you know, it's 0:37:31.920 --> 0:37:33.319 going to take a very special woman. 0:37:34.000 --> 0:37:39.000 She tells me that he's going to take a special woman. 0:37:42.239 --> 0:37:44.160 I think that even though you know, you can kind 0:37:44.160 --> 0:37:45.279 of see it that way, but I didn't take that 0:37:45.280 --> 0:37:47.440 as this because he's. 0:37:47.360 --> 0:37:51.760 Just very particular. You know, he's very particular. He's very smart, 0:37:51.960 --> 0:37:54.680 so he needs someone to kind of, you know, be 0:37:54.840 --> 0:37:58.600 his intellectual equal. And you know, he's just and he 0:37:58.680 --> 0:38:00.640 needs a lot of love because he has a big heart, 0:38:01.000 --> 0:38:05.160 and people a lot of times take advantage of that, 0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:08.960 even in business. They do. So it's like, you know, 0:38:09.160 --> 0:38:11.200 I have to be his protector in business too. 0:38:12.360 --> 0:38:14.319 So so she said that, and I knew that. And 0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:17.840 then when she met her, she said, she said that 0:38:17.840 --> 0:38:21.279 that woman loves you. She said, she said, son, she 0:38:21.480 --> 0:38:24.439 loves you, and I could tell you that no matter 0:38:24.480 --> 0:38:28.319 what happens, you know, she gonna stay with you, right, 0:38:28.520 --> 0:38:31.960 it's gonna be okay. So when she gave me that, yeah, 0:38:31.960 --> 0:38:33.759 you cause my mom, he's fiercely in tune, you know 0:38:33.800 --> 0:38:35.600 what I mean. And actually, you know my mom, I 0:38:35.600 --> 0:38:37.640 don't want to say about the past, but it wasn't 0:38:37.640 --> 0:38:40.799 the same reaction for anybody else. She never said that 0:38:40.840 --> 0:38:44.000 about anybody else, So when she met Johnsy in particular, 0:38:44.080 --> 0:38:46.120 she was like this and that's what's important. 0:38:46.160 --> 0:38:47.200 She knew to say it that way. 0:38:47.280 --> 0:38:50.360 This woman loves you because there's been other times, I 0:38:50.400 --> 0:38:53.080 think when I was in situations where you know, people 0:38:53.160 --> 0:38:56.200 might have gotten me for different reasons, but but the 0:38:56.239 --> 0:38:58.080 core of it like being that love. And when my 0:38:58.120 --> 0:39:01.000 mom says love, because my mom she represents family, she's 0:39:01.000 --> 0:39:04.080 the core. She's the one that she's the glue. I 0:39:04.080 --> 0:39:06.040 think her and Johnsy have the same understanding of what 0:39:06.080 --> 0:39:09.400 that means. It's that unconditional kind of love. And I 0:39:09.440 --> 0:39:12.040 was just telling Johnsy the other day that, like, she's 0:39:12.080 --> 0:39:15.239 the only person in my life that actually reminds me 0:39:15.760 --> 0:39:18.640 of what unconditional love is because when I when I 0:39:18.640 --> 0:39:20.240 was growing up, there's so many people that get divorced 0:39:20.280 --> 0:39:23.680 in different things, and you know, like you start tripping like, 0:39:23.760 --> 0:39:26.920 hey dude, like I ain't got to put up with this. 0:39:27.600 --> 0:39:29.000 That's how I was raised, you know, in a lot 0:39:29.040 --> 0:39:32.839 of ways. And so with her though, it's it's never that, 0:39:33.040 --> 0:39:35.200 you know, it's like, hey, okay, we can we can fight, 0:39:35.239 --> 0:39:37.160 we can argue, we could do whatever. The end of 0:39:37.160 --> 0:39:40.480 the day, we're gonna stay together, Like that's not that's 0:39:40.520 --> 0:39:43.160 not an option. And my mom is like that too. 0:39:43.280 --> 0:39:45.360 My mom is like, she's she's a die hard, but 0:39:45.480 --> 0:39:48.600 she loves you. She loves hard and she's committed, and 0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:52.120 so you know, she recognized that with Johnsy and so yeah, 0:39:52.280 --> 0:39:54.719 you know family and my mom was like, yeah, this 0:39:54.840 --> 0:39:57.160 she she loves you. I said, okay, I want to 0:39:57.320 --> 0:40:00.560 also mention too that while we were dating and recording, 0:40:01.520 --> 0:40:05.960 her family was advocating for her. John Z's family and 0:40:06.000 --> 0:40:08.000 her friends. I never I've never been in a situation 0:40:08.080 --> 0:40:10.080 like this. Anytime I got, you know, getting serious to somebody, 0:40:10.520 --> 0:40:12.280 you know, you meet their family, their friends or whatever. 0:40:12.760 --> 0:40:14.480 They'll tell you about the person. You kind of get 0:40:14.520 --> 0:40:18.080 a sense. This was the only time I ever experienced 0:40:18.120 --> 0:40:21.520 was people were advocating, saying like, you got a good one, 0:40:22.920 --> 0:40:26.680 this girl right here, don't mess this up. They were 0:40:26.719 --> 0:40:28.640 like and not on some cliches that they were like, 0:40:28.680 --> 0:40:30.520 she is a really good person. 0:40:30.960 --> 0:40:32.520 And I'm surprised you around this long. 0:40:33.040 --> 0:40:36.440 You know, I'm surprised you still like, I'm surprised how 0:40:36.440 --> 0:40:37.720 many months, Like, I'm. 0:40:37.560 --> 0:40:44.120 Surprised, Oh it was. It was. I was very superficial. 0:40:45.320 --> 0:40:48.920 I was superficial. I had like one of those stupid 0:40:49.040 --> 0:40:53.440 lists of like qualifications and stuff like that. But it 0:40:53.480 --> 0:40:57.040 was Yeah, but that I think that was a sign 0:40:57.640 --> 0:41:00.840 of everything that led me to him, because none of 0:41:00.880 --> 0:41:04.560 that mattered anymore. It was like his heart and who 0:41:04.640 --> 0:41:08.640 he is as a person was just like, So explain that. 0:41:08.640 --> 0:41:10.319 I want you to unpack that, because that's a good 0:41:10.320 --> 0:41:13.359 thing to talk about. You had this list, and you 0:41:14.360 --> 0:41:17.600 qualified the list by being superficial. You said, I was 0:41:17.760 --> 0:41:23.480 very superficial. But then when you start speaking about you 0:41:23.520 --> 0:41:27.480 speak about Charles from Whiles, talk about the core values, 0:41:28.080 --> 0:41:30.400 the soft skills that he has. He has a good heart, 0:41:30.440 --> 0:41:34.040 he's very loving, he's very this. So was your list 0:41:34.120 --> 0:41:34.880 absent of that? 0:41:35.960 --> 0:41:40.359 No, I mean I was very attracted to him. 0:41:41.560 --> 0:41:42.839 I'm talking of your original list. 0:41:42.880 --> 0:41:46.200 When you say superficial, why do you call that list superficial? 0:41:48.080 --> 0:41:52.239 Because I think I had an image of who I 0:41:52.280 --> 0:41:56.680 wanted to marry in my mind. I had, like, you know, 0:41:57.040 --> 0:42:00.479 this picture of you know who we're little girls thinking 0:42:00.440 --> 0:42:04.480 of like, oh, Prince Charming, and so over time that 0:42:04.600 --> 0:42:08.319 Prince Charming turned into what my ideal husband would be, 0:42:09.000 --> 0:42:12.080 and so I mean it was just. 0:42:14.120 --> 0:42:14.719 Ridiculously. 0:42:14.880 --> 0:42:18.399 I think it's interesting because a lot of women think 0:42:18.600 --> 0:42:20.120 like that, but men don't. 0:42:20.719 --> 0:42:22.560 I ain't never met a man that thought like that. Like, 0:42:22.640 --> 0:42:23.319 men don't have. 0:42:25.600 --> 0:42:27.800 Like I had this list, well no not. 0:42:27.800 --> 0:42:31.279 Not A lot of people can fit the list. So 0:42:31.320 --> 0:42:33.800 it's not like y'all have an image in your brain. 0:42:33.920 --> 0:42:36.560 It's not like we go, she has to look like this, 0:42:36.719 --> 0:42:40.400 she has to be this hype, this skin tone, this whatever, this. 0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:42.600 It just be like she just gotta be a good one. 0:42:42.640 --> 0:42:45.200 She gotta be fine, like like that, like she gotta 0:42:45.200 --> 0:42:45.560 be fine. 0:42:45.640 --> 0:42:46.399 What does that mean? 0:42:46.480 --> 0:42:49.560 It's whatever he determines fines with the multiple women he 0:42:49.600 --> 0:42:52.640 may meet. Women be having a picture in their brain. 0:42:53.000 --> 0:42:54.960 And when you don't fit that, like you don't hear 0:42:55.040 --> 0:42:57.440 men talk about she got to be this height, she 0:42:57.480 --> 0:42:58.319 gotta be that, don't. 0:42:58.320 --> 0:43:00.520 We don't do that. Women do that all all the time. 0:43:00.840 --> 0:43:02.520 So that's why I want to know when you had 0:43:02.560 --> 0:43:07.040 this list and you and you called it superficial, what 0:43:07.200 --> 0:43:09.919 made you create that? Because you talked about starting off 0:43:09.960 --> 0:43:13.239 as a young girl, where we hear prince charming and 0:43:13.719 --> 0:43:17.439 prince charming if we focus on even that name, he's 0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:21.080 just charming. But it's like in the in the physical 0:43:21.200 --> 0:43:24.000 attributes of them, we just start creating this and then 0:43:24.040 --> 0:43:27.120 you hear this whole. I remember I had we had 0:43:27.160 --> 0:43:30.759 Coras on the podcast and she made the comment that 0:43:31.880 --> 0:43:34.399 he just has to be five nine, What do you say? 0:43:34.440 --> 0:43:37.480 Five ten? He has to be at least nine as 0:43:37.920 --> 0:43:39.200 at least five to nine, And. 0:43:39.160 --> 0:43:40.960 So she put that on and everybody was like, I 0:43:40.960 --> 0:43:43.239 mean they just going in about five. And then you 0:43:43.280 --> 0:43:44.879 had a lot of women saying, oh, yeah, at least 0:43:44.920 --> 0:43:47.319 five nine because she's a taller woman. But you would 0:43:47.360 --> 0:43:51.640 just hear them argue with that. Men don't get that specific. 0:43:51.760 --> 0:43:54.120 Maybe not as specific, but I've certainly heard some men 0:43:54.160 --> 0:43:57.320 be like, I like her at least five five, five 0:43:57.360 --> 0:44:00.080 to five seven, I like brown eyes. 0:44:00.120 --> 0:44:00.480 Like I. 0:44:03.520 --> 0:44:07.239 Think okay, I would say I would say if a 0:44:07.280 --> 0:44:09.759 man said something about likely it has something to do 0:44:09.800 --> 0:44:12.160 with something physical. I mean, just to be real, like 0:44:12.320 --> 0:44:15.080 like for me, like I say, it wasn't to me 0:44:15.120 --> 0:44:17.520 about like how tall a woman was. It was for 0:44:17.600 --> 0:44:19.160 me like if I got if I came and wrap 0:44:19.200 --> 0:44:21.279 my arms around you. You know what I'm saying, do 0:44:21.640 --> 0:44:24.640 we match? You know what I'm saying doesn't line up right? 0:44:24.680 --> 0:44:26.520 That that's the kind of thing, And so that could 0:44:26.560 --> 0:44:28.840 be different heights. I don't know what the height is, 0:44:28.880 --> 0:44:31.200 but like or you know, some things like for I say, 0:44:31.400 --> 0:44:33.600 from my perspective, it was like when I hold your hand, 0:44:33.920 --> 0:44:35.359 you know, how does it feel when I hold your hand? 0:44:36.239 --> 0:44:37.919 How does it feel when we do certain things? 0:44:37.960 --> 0:44:47.080 And so when all that came together, that's. 0:44:44.040 --> 0:44:47.240 I think a lot of women think men are more superficial. 0:44:46.600 --> 0:44:50.320 Than y'all short girls, short girls. 0:44:50.080 --> 0:44:53.759 But then also they tall, they will they're not They're 0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:54.799 not that specific. 0:44:54.920 --> 0:44:56.000 They're open. 0:44:56.040 --> 0:44:59.640 They may have a preference and say I prefer this. 0:44:59.640 --> 0:45:04.520 But I also take this, and women be like this, Yeah, 0:45:04.760 --> 0:45:06.920 we be like we like this. I'm telling you, I've 0:45:06.920 --> 0:45:07.759 been a man my whole life. 0:45:09.320 --> 0:45:11.719 Yeah, but when I'm talking about the men were talking 0:45:11.760 --> 0:45:15.200 about you were an and meaning that they would date 0:45:15.239 --> 0:45:18.600 you if you look, they'll also date another girl that's taller. 0:45:19.360 --> 0:45:21.879 You think women women are like because do I think 0:45:21.920 --> 0:45:26.560 that women may have a type or they may have preferences, 0:45:26.760 --> 0:45:31.440 but because the way that we're wired emotionally, right, I 0:45:31.480 --> 0:45:34.879 think actually men are created to be more like If 0:45:34.880 --> 0:45:38.320 they're not attracted to you in the beginning, it probably 0:45:38.400 --> 0:45:42.240 is going to be that. But because of oxytocin in women, 0:45:42.760 --> 0:45:47.080 I find that we can fall for more than just 0:45:47.160 --> 0:45:48.279 the physical if. 0:45:48.200 --> 0:45:48.839 You allow it. 0:45:49.040 --> 0:45:53.120 Yeah, because y'fore Yeah, but I just let the man 0:45:53.160 --> 0:45:58.000 talk to you, like attracted to Every time I've had 0:45:58.000 --> 0:46:02.160 people on the podcast with women, they said that he 0:46:02.320 --> 0:46:05.839 was initially not my preference, and I decide to date 0:46:05.920 --> 0:46:09.160 outside of what I used to go for all the time, 0:46:09.320 --> 0:46:12.360 and then that's where they found their husband. Every single 0:46:12.360 --> 0:46:13.960 time I talked to some about it, they'd be like, yeah, 0:46:14.080 --> 0:46:15.919 to typically I wouldn't have done this, and I said, 0:46:15.960 --> 0:46:17.960 let me go ahead. I got tired of dating these 0:46:18.000 --> 0:46:19.719 type of guys they ain't worked out. So I gave 0:46:19.840 --> 0:46:22.359 this guy a chance and experienced the greatest love they've 0:46:22.360 --> 0:46:23.160 ever experienced. 0:46:23.360 --> 0:46:25.960 But they had to get away from this list that 0:46:26.040 --> 0:46:26.480 they've had. 0:46:26.960 --> 0:46:30.440 Uh. They had to get away from whatever they told 0:46:30.480 --> 0:46:33.439 themselves through all the books that they've read, through all 0:46:33.480 --> 0:46:36.799 the podcast whatever they've listened to in their life that 0:46:36.880 --> 0:46:38.480 had formulated that mindset. 0:46:38.760 --> 0:46:40.120 They had to undo somethings. 0:46:40.200 --> 0:46:41.920 I can name a couple of your guy friends I 0:46:41.960 --> 0:46:44.719 want right now that have made the same kind of 0:46:44.760 --> 0:46:47.160 woman and gotten the same kind of married. 0:46:47.239 --> 0:46:52.520 I keep saying Mary married. They didn't work dating. I 0:46:52.520 --> 0:46:53.720 don't know nobody. 0:46:53.320 --> 0:46:58.600 Else, I'm going to have their men have their lists. 0:46:59.080 --> 0:47:04.640 I'm sorry I had yeah, so I'll say for for me, 0:47:05.520 --> 0:47:08.080 like because at the time, like I said, it wasn't 0:47:08.080 --> 0:47:10.880 look I wasn't looking for a list. It was about qualities. 0:47:10.920 --> 0:47:13.080 It was about always so like. 0:47:14.040 --> 0:47:16.000 To say that at that time. But I'm sure what 0:47:16.120 --> 0:47:18.600 he was when you were in your marriage. 0:47:20.560 --> 0:47:25.879 About exactly, Okay, I told Okay, we had a lot 0:47:25.920 --> 0:47:28.400 of I had a lot of choices, A lot of choices, 0:47:28.440 --> 0:47:31.000 a lot of short, tall, I had lots of different races, 0:47:31.040 --> 0:47:34.040 Like I didn't all that didn't matter, you know, it 0:47:34.080 --> 0:47:38.720 was because I exactly I'm not doing that. It was okay, 0:47:38.840 --> 0:47:41.160 but but but it wasn't that. It was the moments 0:47:41.160 --> 0:47:44.640 that I had with with that person, right and if like, 0:47:44.719 --> 0:47:46.440 would you like I said that that first kiss, like 0:47:46.440 --> 0:47:48.359 I ain't had I didn't know, it ain't no light, 0:47:48.440 --> 0:47:51.720 but that nothing happened to me like that with anybody 0:47:51.760 --> 0:47:54.239 else but you. So when that happened, that's when I 0:47:54.280 --> 0:47:56.480 was like, Okay, this is different. I'm in trouble, you 0:47:56.520 --> 0:47:57.080 know what I'm saying. 0:47:57.320 --> 0:48:00.600 Like, think about he said the first date, you ain't 0:48:00.600 --> 0:48:02.880 even gave him none yet, and he thought that a 0:48:03.480 --> 0:48:04.560 kiss that. 0:48:04.600 --> 0:48:06.440 Is so innocent a kids. 0:48:07.080 --> 0:48:10.080 So that's why I want women to hear that so much, 0:48:10.160 --> 0:48:13.359 because men want moments, they want that peace, they want 0:48:13.400 --> 0:48:14.360 to feel that safety. 0:48:14.400 --> 0:48:17.280 The first word he said in his mind that came family, 0:48:17.840 --> 0:48:19.919 not baby Mama. Didn't. 0:48:19.960 --> 0:48:21.400 He didn't get in his mind and be like, oh ya, 0:48:21.440 --> 0:48:23.040 I'm gonna hit that. That's gonna be great, that's all. 0:48:23.040 --> 0:48:25.080 The first thing I thought is that he said family. 0:48:25.280 --> 0:48:26.279 Where that word come from? 0:48:26.560 --> 0:48:28.160 Is this my kim folk. I need to kind of 0:48:28.320 --> 0:48:30.319 figure out what this is. I don't want to get, 0:48:30.480 --> 0:48:32.480 you know, caught up with one of my cousins or something. 0:48:32.560 --> 0:48:35.760 So he started feeling this sense of safety and family 0:48:35.960 --> 0:48:38.319 is a word that's supposed to bring safety to you, 0:48:38.440 --> 0:48:42.000 and most men always say they want peace. It's like 0:48:42.320 --> 0:48:44.040 you'll see a one and you've seen it. You may 0:48:44.080 --> 0:48:47.359 see somebody walking around with a woman and he'd be like, 0:48:47.520 --> 0:48:49.920 how she get him? You're like, she must got some money, 0:48:50.320 --> 0:48:52.080 you know, she must got this. And then if you 0:48:52.120 --> 0:48:53.839 ever talked to him, be like, no, this woman, I've 0:48:53.840 --> 0:48:56.200 never felt more peaceful, I've never felt more seen. 0:48:56.280 --> 0:48:58.239 And you'd be like, oh, and. 0:48:58.239 --> 0:49:00.359 To add on to what you're saying, like when we 0:49:00.360 --> 0:49:02.719 were dating, just hearing from her family talk about how 0:49:02.760 --> 0:49:05.520 a great woman she was. They weren't saying, oh man, 0:49:05.560 --> 0:49:06.319 you got a bad one. 0:49:06.360 --> 0:49:06.880 She fine. 0:49:07.600 --> 0:49:09.600 We already knew that. Everybody knew that. It was about 0:49:09.600 --> 0:49:12.520 her character. It was like who she was, you know, 0:49:12.640 --> 0:49:14.880 her work, ethic, like all these different things. These are 0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:16.680 the things I'm looking for because you know, I'm thinking, 0:49:16.760 --> 0:49:18.720 you know, I want to build an empire with somebody. 0:49:18.800 --> 0:49:20.200 You know, if I'm gonna do it, if I'm gonna 0:49:20.239 --> 0:49:22.080 stop being a bachelor and I'm gonna stop doing this, 0:49:22.120 --> 0:49:23.960 I'm gonna build with someone. And so all the things 0:49:23.960 --> 0:49:26.120 that they told me about her, you know, how smart 0:49:26.160 --> 0:49:28.399 she was, all the different stuff. I was like, yeah, 0:49:28.400 --> 0:49:30.680 this is it. Like, because you know, you said, you 0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:32.640 know you want someone you looked at me like someone 0:49:32.680 --> 0:49:34.560 that would be you know, compatible in terms of you know, 0:49:34.680 --> 0:49:37.560 raising your children. Yeah, the same thing I'm thinking, like 0:49:37.840 --> 0:49:39.440 this is almost spend the rest of my life with. 0:49:39.560 --> 0:49:43.359 You know, she I and Johnson can laugh together like 0:49:43.400 --> 0:49:44.960 that was the thing to our marvel, that we would 0:49:44.960 --> 0:49:47.480 spend all day together and wouldn't get tired of each other. 0:49:47.719 --> 0:49:54.360 No, she was just talking about that. Yeah, we just 0:49:54.360 --> 0:49:55.879 sit up there and do that. We'd be sitting at. 0:49:55.800 --> 0:49:57.480 The half the house of watching Now she got me 0:49:57.480 --> 0:49:58.080 watching suits. 0:49:58.080 --> 0:49:58.879 I'm late to the game. 0:49:59.360 --> 0:49:59.600 I think. 0:49:59.800 --> 0:50:02.360 Keep We don't talk about that enough, like more married 0:50:02.360 --> 0:50:05.640 couples don't talk about how you can just well, you 0:50:05.960 --> 0:50:08.200 really know it's the one for you, you can still 0:50:08.239 --> 0:50:09.919 the whole day with us. 0:50:11.239 --> 0:50:14.040 I always just say we're on the same wavelength. You're hungry, 0:50:14.080 --> 0:50:15.879 I'm hungry. You want to go do this. I want 0:50:15.880 --> 0:50:17.879 to go do this. You want to watch this. We're 0:50:17.920 --> 0:50:21.160 gonna go work. We're gonna work like we just laptops. 0:50:21.200 --> 0:50:21.799 Watching TV. 0:50:23.040 --> 0:50:25.040 COVID was one of the best things for us, and 0:50:25.080 --> 0:50:26.960 I thought it was one of the best tests of 0:50:27.000 --> 0:50:30.120 our marriage because we saw a lot of people that 0:50:30.840 --> 0:50:32.520 but when we got together like that, we got to 0:50:32.520 --> 0:50:34.440 hang out with each other all day, all the time. 0:50:35.480 --> 0:50:37.600 Oh man, it was like, you know, that's how we 0:50:37.640 --> 0:50:42.000 gain all this stuff. We was chilling and we really 0:50:42.120 --> 0:50:43.960 enjoyed that. And I think that we fell more in 0:50:44.000 --> 0:50:46.560 love because we're like, man, we really understand each other 0:50:46.600 --> 0:50:48.640 and we're and the thing is, we're completely different people, 0:50:49.200 --> 0:50:52.480 you know, we are not We don't think about things 0:50:52.480 --> 0:50:54.120 the same way, like but but we have such a 0:50:54.120 --> 0:50:56.480 deep love and respect for each other that, you know, 0:50:56.719 --> 0:50:58.839 like it doesn't matter what happens, like you know, that's 0:50:58.840 --> 0:51:00.279 this is my person, you know. 0:51:00.960 --> 0:51:05.040 Yeah, And for clarity, I will say, women, I believe 0:51:05.040 --> 0:51:08.920 we have more on our checklist by far. It is 0:51:09.000 --> 0:51:11.560 way Even studies show that it's harder for a woman 0:51:11.600 --> 0:51:14.000 to say yes to a second date. Usually if a 0:51:14.000 --> 0:51:16.000 man just has like a fine time with you, he 0:51:16.120 --> 0:51:17.400 enjoyed the conversation. 0:51:16.960 --> 0:51:17.640 He'll be like yes. 0:51:17.760 --> 0:51:21.280 Women will be like, I can't see it. He doesn't 0:51:21.320 --> 0:51:23.719 meet the you know, so we have far more. But 0:51:23.840 --> 0:51:25.920 all I'm saying is I don't think that men are 0:51:26.000 --> 0:51:29.840 without criteria without yeah, so I'm just if. 0:51:29.719 --> 0:51:31.880 We're waiting the scale for sure. 0:51:32.120 --> 0:51:35.000 Women, I think we have we have more on our lists, 0:51:35.239 --> 0:51:36.920 but men are not without lists. 0:51:37.000 --> 0:51:39.840 Yeah, no, we have a list, but we have a list. 0:51:40.080 --> 0:51:44.000 But it's ambiguous. It's like, she gotta look good. What 0:51:44.040 --> 0:51:46.600 does that mean? At least look good to him. It's 0:51:46.640 --> 0:51:49.000 not that she has to be a specific height, it 0:51:49.040 --> 0:51:51.040 has to be this, she has to be it's not 0:51:51.160 --> 0:51:54.280 specific men. Are you other think men aren't more specific? 0:51:54.360 --> 0:51:56.440 Like that we're just more ambiguous? Why women be like, 0:51:56.480 --> 0:51:59.400 what do you want? Does he really want? He literally says, 0:51:59.480 --> 0:52:01.400 I just want to woman I can I'm attracted to 0:52:01.680 --> 0:52:04.719 that I can sleep with and be turned on by. 0:52:04.960 --> 0:52:05.840 And you be like, what is that? 0:52:06.120 --> 0:52:08.359 Yeah, I'll tell you one other thing too, when we 0:52:08.360 --> 0:52:10.320 were when we were dating, I'm. 0:52:10.120 --> 0:52:14.000 Talking about marriage, not somebody. He just you just smashing dashing. Exact, 0:52:14.040 --> 0:52:16.280 you're gonna go for the high level just to smash 0:52:16.320 --> 0:52:18.000 and dash, But they don't mean nothing. 0:52:18.719 --> 0:52:19.160 Marriage. 0:52:19.360 --> 0:52:23.120 Yeah, it gets a little bit more looser as far 0:52:23.200 --> 0:52:24.040 as the. 0:52:26.000 --> 0:52:28.080 What you call the preferences. 0:52:28.320 --> 0:52:30.520 It's just gonna go back into I want somebody to 0:52:30.560 --> 0:52:33.200 be a good mother to my kids, somebody that that 0:52:33.200 --> 0:52:35.520 that is peace. That's why all social media away talking 0:52:35.520 --> 0:52:36.600 about pe piece piece piece piece. 0:52:36.640 --> 0:52:38.360 But I also hear men say like if this is 0:52:38.400 --> 0:52:40.960 gonna be the one woman that I have forever, like 0:52:41.000 --> 0:52:42.520 the yeah. 0:52:42.640 --> 0:52:43.279 What does that mean? 0:52:43.360 --> 0:52:46.680 But sometimes yeah, I think also it depends on appetite 0:52:46.719 --> 0:52:49.160 what they've been exposed to. I think some men are 0:52:49.200 --> 0:52:51.759 really not trying to set themselves up for failure, and 0:52:51.840 --> 0:52:54.800 so they do put a little emphasis on making sure 0:52:54.880 --> 0:52:57.719 that like this is some of those things that I 0:52:57.760 --> 0:53:00.279 know that I quote unquote fall for I want to 0:53:00.280 --> 0:53:02.399 make sure I'm getting so that I don't fall out 0:53:02.400 --> 0:53:03.600 of this in LUSS. 0:53:03.640 --> 0:53:05.239 So this is what happens a lot, and this is 0:53:05.280 --> 0:53:07.200 the truth, and women get mad about it. They go, 0:53:08.000 --> 0:53:10.920 he married this type, but he keeps liking this on 0:53:10.960 --> 0:53:11.680 social media. 0:53:12.080 --> 0:53:15.600 He keeps it seems like he likes this type. 0:53:15.960 --> 0:53:20.040 And the bottom line is that he married what he 0:53:20.200 --> 0:53:23.160 married because that was safety. Yes, he has to get 0:53:23.239 --> 0:53:26.080 healed from some of those toxic attractions that he may have, 0:53:26.520 --> 0:53:29.000 but what he chose that he could spend life with 0:53:29.719 --> 0:53:33.560 may sometimes not being congruent with what you see as 0:53:33.640 --> 0:53:36.560 the stuff he's liking on social media. So you see 0:53:36.600 --> 0:53:38.440 that a lot and you be like, why is he 0:53:38.600 --> 0:53:40.600 liking this? Why are you? Because they be in arguments 0:53:40.600 --> 0:53:42.680 with each other. I've had people in the podcast say well, 0:53:42.680 --> 0:53:43.759 why are you liking this? 0:53:43.920 --> 0:53:46.000 And he's like, I mean, yeah, she looked good, but 0:53:46.480 --> 0:53:48.839 I married you. And then they get mad and be like, 0:53:48.840 --> 0:53:49.840 but why you like that. 0:53:49.920 --> 0:53:52.680 He's like, I still got os, but I married you. 0:53:52.920 --> 0:53:56.359 And that's what I believe. The tension is when I 0:53:56.480 --> 0:53:59.040 say this to women, they may not understand there's a 0:53:59.080 --> 0:54:02.200 different category that men put wives in and women that 0:54:02.280 --> 0:54:05.200 he put that he just smashed in and that is 0:54:05.239 --> 0:54:08.360 two distinct categories, and women confused themselves to be like, 0:54:08.600 --> 0:54:10.719 but he married this, and be like, yeah, he spent 0:54:10.760 --> 0:54:12.600 his life with that. He gave that to his name. 0:54:12.920 --> 0:54:15.640 The other stuff he never married, you know what I'm saying. 0:54:15.680 --> 0:54:18.080 And so it's like, just look, it's just proof is 0:54:18.080 --> 0:54:19.799 in the pudding on there. 0:54:20.280 --> 0:54:23.040 So one of the things as I was deciding, you know, 0:54:23.239 --> 0:54:25.640 it is just something I'm gonna do, and I was, 0:54:25.719 --> 0:54:28.800 I was, I was torn because, you know, having fulfilled 0:54:28.840 --> 0:54:33.520 marriage before, just feeling like maybe this wasn't meant for me, 0:54:33.880 --> 0:54:35.480 but then meeting her and then kind of being in 0:54:35.480 --> 0:54:38.200 this whirlwind of like, oh man, this, this is this, 0:54:38.200 --> 0:54:40.759 this is gonna happen probably, But should I do this? 0:54:41.120 --> 0:54:44.160 I remember talking to, you know, one of the mentors 0:54:44.160 --> 0:54:46.799 that I had at the time. I asked him older 0:54:46.800 --> 0:54:48.839 gentlemen who had been married for a long time. I 0:54:48.840 --> 0:54:51.680 asked him, you know, like what should I do? And 0:54:51.719 --> 0:54:53.480 so he said, I'm gonna give you this piece of advice. 0:54:54.040 --> 0:54:57.560 He said, if you ever find a woman that's too 0:54:57.600 --> 0:55:02.960 good to be true, marrier. And so as I started 0:55:02.960 --> 0:55:06.440 to think about it, and I thought about John Cy, 0:55:06.680 --> 0:55:08.800 and I thought about you know, of course she's beautiful, 0:55:08.840 --> 0:55:11.520 she's amazing, so that that check. But then I thought 0:55:11.560 --> 0:55:14.399 of all these other things, you know, these intangibles, all 0:55:14.400 --> 0:55:17.360 these other things about her, and then the family word 0:55:17.400 --> 0:55:19.279 and all that, and then the people talk and it's 0:55:19.280 --> 0:55:22.080 just so much going on. That was like, this is 0:55:22.120 --> 0:55:24.919 too good. We were hanging out, were chilling. She ain't 0:55:25.000 --> 0:55:26.839 She's not like you know, she's not you know. 0:55:26.840 --> 0:55:29.480 Like high maintenance. She don't. You know, she didn't. 0:55:29.040 --> 0:55:32.160 Care if I whinding dined her or if we didn't 0:55:32.200 --> 0:55:32.879 matter what we did. 0:55:32.920 --> 0:55:34.920 As long as we were together. She was having a 0:55:34.920 --> 0:55:35.359 good time. 0:55:35.560 --> 0:55:37.960 And it was it wasn't like, you know, its just 0:55:38.080 --> 0:55:39.960 I was just like, this is so amazing, Like how 0:55:40.040 --> 0:55:42.839 is this even happening? Like and I found you and 0:55:42.880 --> 0:55:44.960 we met this way, and so it said to me, 0:55:45.120 --> 0:55:47.440 this is too good to be true. And once I 0:55:47.560 --> 0:55:50.360 realized that it wasn't, it wasn't. Shortly it was shortly 0:55:50.360 --> 0:55:52.799 after that put a ring on her. I proposed to 0:55:52.800 --> 0:55:55.000 her like right after, cause I was like, I need 0:55:55.000 --> 0:55:57.160 to make sure that this stays in my life. And 0:55:57.200 --> 0:55:58.080 that was it for me. 0:55:58.200 --> 0:55:59.960 I need to make sure this stays in my life. 0:56:00.520 --> 0:56:02.279 When I said, you said that, look at she look 0:56:02.360 --> 0:56:04.040 at she melted over. 0:56:08.840 --> 0:56:17.360 You get you doing that father's dance? Coming in? She 0:56:17.560 --> 0:56:18.399 just stared at him. 0:56:18.600 --> 0:56:21.040 But that's the truth, and that's what I want men 0:56:21.120 --> 0:56:24.120 to understand, is that that moment, you don't want to 0:56:24.200 --> 0:56:27.400 ever let it go. When I made that phone conversation, 0:56:27.640 --> 0:56:30.200 I made that phone called the Ashley that last week 0:56:30.239 --> 0:56:32.640 of February of last year, I told her, I said, 0:56:32.640 --> 0:56:34.839 it's got to be more like I told her straight up, 0:56:34.880 --> 0:56:37.480 I said, you gonna have to get rid of me 0:56:37.880 --> 0:56:40.000 because I'm finna put a full court press on you 0:56:40.120 --> 0:56:43.120 like you gonna have I done experience what I experienced 0:56:43.120 --> 0:56:44.840 when I and it was just a dream that I 0:56:44.880 --> 0:56:47.960 was like, I could see my life with her. I said, 0:56:48.360 --> 0:56:51.000 but we just friends. I don't even we ain't even 0:56:51.200 --> 0:56:53.360 we haven't even went on a date. At that point, 0:56:53.560 --> 0:56:56.240 I said, I am going to do a full court 0:56:56.280 --> 0:56:58.640 press on you and we finished just figure out what 0:56:58.719 --> 0:56:59.200 this is. 0:56:59.440 --> 0:57:03.480 But it is that moment of saying that I see. 0:57:03.400 --> 0:57:06.279 A person that can be in my life forever and 0:57:06.760 --> 0:57:08.640 I want to see what that's like. And I didn't 0:57:08.640 --> 0:57:10.919 want to sabotage it. I didn't want to. I didn't 0:57:10.960 --> 0:57:12.960 want to man, explain it. I said, Wow, you don't 0:57:13.000 --> 0:57:15.320 really know it. She live over here, she in California. 0:57:15.360 --> 0:57:16.919 You there, how you're gonna make that work? She ain't 0:57:16.920 --> 0:57:19.400 never All the stuff you can build up in your mind, 0:57:20.080 --> 0:57:23.000 you can build up monuments in your mind to make 0:57:23.040 --> 0:57:26.120 you believe it can't happen, or you can say not 0:57:26.240 --> 0:57:28.520 my will, let I will be done. Guy, I'm gonna 0:57:28.520 --> 0:57:31.640 go and whatever obstacle presents itself, we're gonna jump right 0:57:31.680 --> 0:57:32.120 on over it. 0:57:32.120 --> 0:57:33.440 We're gonna just keep jumping over it. 0:57:33.680 --> 0:57:35.760 And that's what But that's the part that a lot 0:57:35.760 --> 0:57:38.760 of men and I just want to encourage men to 0:57:39.040 --> 0:57:42.680 take the challenge of your masculinity and your manhood is 0:57:42.720 --> 0:57:47.160 to make a decision. Ashley's favorite definition of the word 0:57:47.240 --> 0:57:48.480 the decision. 0:57:48.520 --> 0:57:49.760 What is it to decide is what. 0:57:49.960 --> 0:57:51.560 To cut off all other options? 0:57:51.640 --> 0:57:53.320 Yes, cut off all other options. 0:57:53.560 --> 0:57:55.640 That's what the side is and what a lot of 0:57:55.760 --> 0:57:59.120 men do, which shoot me and my boy was in 0:57:59.120 --> 0:58:02.160 the same situations, like you don't have to decide. You 0:58:02.200 --> 0:58:04.720 can just date multiple women for as long as that 0:58:04.840 --> 0:58:08.000 lasts and then and there's always gonna be a new woman. 0:58:08.320 --> 0:58:10.320 Or you can sit there and say no, I'm gonna 0:58:10.320 --> 0:58:12.600 cut off all options and I'm gonna marry this one. 0:58:12.800 --> 0:58:15.560 And that's the part that men aren't honest. We had 0:58:15.840 --> 0:58:19.400 the couple that's on this week's episode, The Davis Is. 0:58:19.920 --> 0:58:22.880 She said, Monica said that she was dating this guy 0:58:22.880 --> 0:58:25.760 in Houston, and the guy said she started talking to 0:58:25.840 --> 0:58:28.800 him about being exclusive, and he said, why would I 0:58:28.880 --> 0:58:31.160 be exclusive with one woman when I live in Houston? 0:58:31.400 --> 0:58:33.160 He said, there's too many women here. Why would I 0:58:33.240 --> 0:58:35.280 do that? He just said it straight up. She's like, well, 0:58:35.320 --> 0:58:38.120 I gotta respect his honesty. He said, why be with 0:58:38.280 --> 0:58:41.680 one woman? And that's unfortunately what a lot of men 0:58:41.800 --> 0:58:45.520 believe because they don't understand the challenge of being with 0:58:45.560 --> 0:58:48.800 one woman. You're gonna have to go through life with 0:58:48.920 --> 0:58:51.880 that person and vice versa. There are decisions that's going 0:58:51.960 --> 0:58:54.440 to be made that it takes y'all collectively to come. 0:58:54.320 --> 0:58:56.840 To those decisions. But it's easy to be like, oh, 0:58:56.960 --> 0:58:58.680 that's too hard, Let me just go find somebody else. 0:58:58.760 --> 0:59:00.000 Let me date this person, date this person. 0:59:00.120 --> 0:59:02.240 So when you do life with somebody, those are some 0:59:02.320 --> 0:59:05.760 real decisions. How did you make the decision from going 0:59:05.800 --> 0:59:07.680 from New York and then y'all went, did y'all not 0:59:07.760 --> 0:59:08.800 moving back to California. 0:59:09.400 --> 0:59:10.439 Yep, we back. 0:59:10.680 --> 0:59:14.040 It was the co parenting opportunity that was there, so 0:59:14.160 --> 0:59:18.040 to be with my daughters more often. And you know, 0:59:18.120 --> 0:59:19.800 John cy was was was game for that. 0:59:19.840 --> 0:59:21.000 Were y'all married at that time. 0:59:21.400 --> 0:59:23.720 Yeah, we had just got married and she was pregnant. 0:59:23.760 --> 0:59:25.360 So we drove across the country. 0:59:25.440 --> 0:59:27.680 No j was three months old. 0:59:27.760 --> 0:59:30.160 Yeah, we just had him, and so we. 0:59:30.200 --> 0:59:32.200 All drove all away from New York to California. 0:59:32.200 --> 0:59:35.280 He sure did. He was superman during that drive too, 0:59:35.320 --> 0:59:38.920 because that desert three days. 0:59:39.520 --> 0:59:44.080 Yep, but we did it. We did it like, you know, 0:59:44.120 --> 0:59:44.880 twelve hours. 0:59:44.640 --> 0:59:46.680 And then we did it when we moved back to 0:59:46.840 --> 0:59:47.400 when we went to. 0:59:47.920 --> 0:59:48.840 Twelve hours at a time. 0:59:48.880 --> 0:59:50.840 That's what it is, you know, the twelve hours you stop, 0:59:51.000 --> 0:59:53.480 you rest somewhere and doing nothing. Twelve That's how I 0:59:53.520 --> 0:59:55.680 looked at it, you know, like I was going to work. 0:59:55.800 --> 0:59:59.560 He's like very task oriented, like plan he's the planner. 0:59:59.640 --> 1:00:01.680 That's I love them too. 1:00:03.280 --> 1:00:04.840 Nature you were a good tea. 1:00:07.120 --> 1:00:08.600 So y'all moved all the way there, and how long 1:00:08.600 --> 1:00:09.320 do y'all stay there? 1:00:11.640 --> 1:00:14.640 So we agree that when because I didn't like Sacramento, 1:00:15.160 --> 1:00:19.480 it's lovely, it's a lovely place. But being from Harlem. 1:00:20.960 --> 1:00:23.760 Place and I'm from the state, I'm from the great 1:00:23.760 --> 1:00:25.880 state of California, so I overstand. 1:00:26.280 --> 1:00:31.960 Yeah, and people don't understand too. California is a big state. 1:00:32.000 --> 1:00:34.600 I was born in l A, but raised in New York. 1:00:34.640 --> 1:00:36.360 We left when I was like six or seven. 1:00:36.400 --> 1:00:39.920 Were born what city in l A, l A l A, 1:00:40.120 --> 1:00:43.080 l A, l A not not Yeah, No, in l A. 1:00:44.920 --> 1:00:48.240 I was born at u C. L A Hospital. But 1:00:49.480 --> 1:00:52.040 a lot of people don't understand that living in so 1:00:52.240 --> 1:00:54.560 cal is very different from North cal And when you're 1:00:54.600 --> 1:00:58.120 from Harlem and you're used to being around I was 1:00:58.200 --> 1:01:01.120 raised around black activists. My mom was an editor at 1:01:01.200 --> 1:01:04.680 you know, a black newspaper in Brooklyn, So I'm just 1:01:04.840 --> 1:01:06.720 used to being immersed in blackness. 1:01:06.800 --> 1:01:09.720 This explains the Oakland activists connection. 1:01:09.880 --> 1:01:12.720 Yeah, we got a lot of those connections because actually 1:01:12.720 --> 1:01:15.320 I was I was raised in all parts of California. 1:01:15.360 --> 1:01:16.680 I used to live in l A too. I was 1:01:16.680 --> 1:01:18.880 in the Crenshaw area. I went to fifty nine Street 1:01:18.920 --> 1:01:19.640 Elementary School. 1:01:22.280 --> 1:01:24.440 People that know know in terms of what that was. 1:01:25.240 --> 1:01:28.040 But you know, uh, and I've lived all these tarp places. 1:01:28.520 --> 1:01:30.760 I was doing activism and getting into that. So that's 1:01:31.000 --> 1:01:33.480 when I was doing the website. The website was actually 1:01:33.960 --> 1:01:37.240 about like, uh like it. It's called Social Intellects, and 1:01:37.280 --> 1:01:41.120 it was about like activism and you know, basically uplifting 1:01:41.200 --> 1:01:43.520 those intellectuals that are out there that are you know, 1:01:43.760 --> 1:01:46.880 really really championing like you know, social justice causes. And 1:01:47.000 --> 1:01:49.120 that's what it was about. And so we talked about that. 1:01:49.200 --> 1:01:50.680 She was like, oh yeah, all right, about stuff like 1:01:50.680 --> 1:01:52.800 that and you know, edit stuff and so yeah, we 1:01:52.840 --> 1:01:53.480 had that connection. 1:01:54.600 --> 1:02:01.840 That's dope, that's a lot of interest. So then y'all stayed. 1:02:02.000 --> 1:02:05.160 Yeah, so we were in Sacramento and we agreed that. 1:02:05.440 --> 1:02:09.120 I was like, look, Charles, there's just not enough blackness. 1:02:11.240 --> 1:02:13.439 So what are we going to do about that? So 1:02:13.560 --> 1:02:17.760 we said, okay, when the youngest girl, his youngest daughter 1:02:17.840 --> 1:02:21.080 turns eighteen, then we'll move someplace else. So it was 1:02:21.120 --> 1:02:27.080 between Houston or back to Harlem, or Atlanta. So we 1:02:27.280 --> 1:02:28.280 landed on in Atlanta. 1:02:28.640 --> 1:02:30.840 Yeah, and y'all been living in Atlanta how long? 1:02:31.040 --> 1:02:31.760 For three years? 1:02:31.800 --> 1:02:31.880 Now? 1:02:32.120 --> 1:02:32.520 Yea? 1:02:33.080 --> 1:02:33.760 How do you like it? 1:02:34.360 --> 1:02:36.760 Oh? We love it because there's a lot of blackness. 1:02:38.080 --> 1:02:40.720 It's so funny. 1:02:40.760 --> 1:02:43.439 One of my cousins said, I like Atlanta because it's 1:02:43.480 --> 1:02:45.160 like living in Wakanda. 1:02:45.200 --> 1:02:48.560 It really is. It really is. When we first moved there, 1:02:48.640 --> 1:02:52.600 our youngest son, Malcolm, was like, we were in a 1:02:52.760 --> 1:02:56.000 Kroger in the grocery store and he looked around. He 1:02:56.080 --> 1:02:59.400 was like, Mommy, are these our cousins? Because we had 1:02:59.480 --> 1:03:04.480 never seen that many black people before because at his school, 1:03:04.560 --> 1:03:08.320 he was the only class. 1:03:11.080 --> 1:03:19.960 You know, was that c J. 1:03:20.120 --> 1:03:27.040 That's that was Yeah, that sounds like, all right, we're 1:03:27.040 --> 1:03:27.720 in the right place. 1:03:30.920 --> 1:03:36.000 It's hilarious and so y'all, so when did you stop 1:03:36.080 --> 1:03:37.440 teaching in Atlanta? 1:03:38.080 --> 1:03:41.200 No, I stopped teaching, uh in New York. So I 1:03:41.320 --> 1:03:43.960 got promoted from a teacher to a dean. You know 1:03:44.000 --> 1:03:47.000 that happens a lot, actually knows that, Like, you know, 1:03:47.320 --> 1:03:50.240 when you're a really good teacher, they promote you to leadership. 1:03:50.520 --> 1:03:53.720 So I became a dean and then became a principal. 1:03:54.120 --> 1:03:56.720 And really what that was about just impact, Like you know, 1:03:57.000 --> 1:03:59.479 I was able to impact you know, the thirty kids 1:03:59.480 --> 1:04:01.120 in front of me. I wanted to figure out a 1:04:01.160 --> 1:04:03.200 way to impact the school in the community. And so 1:04:03.200 --> 1:04:04.080 that's why I became principal. 1:04:04.200 --> 1:04:05.240 Was award winning teacher. 1:04:05.960 --> 1:04:07.120 Thank you, that's right. 1:04:07.240 --> 1:04:10.600 Yes, he was the ward the highest mass scores in 1:04:11.040 --> 1:04:12.480 Miami's middle. 1:04:14.040 --> 1:04:17.320 It was the gains. Yeah, not not so so you know, 1:04:17.400 --> 1:04:19.120 you know how it is so like the people who 1:04:19.160 --> 1:04:21.920 got the highest scores, those the sexy numbers, those were 1:04:21.960 --> 1:04:24.000 the people they were touting. I had the highest gains. 1:04:24.440 --> 1:04:26.400 So the kids that I had, they gave me all 1:04:26.440 --> 1:04:27.880 the kids that did not pass. 1:04:27.640 --> 1:04:28.280 The state tests. 1:04:28.280 --> 1:04:31.000 They would have the lowest scores, and so for for 1:04:31.120 --> 1:04:33.840 those kids, a lot of those kids end up passing, 1:04:34.200 --> 1:04:36.680 but it wasn't like ninety percent of them didn't pass. 1:04:36.760 --> 1:04:39.160 It was like maybe seventy some percent, but they started 1:04:39.160 --> 1:04:41.400 off at like zero percent. The other people who got 1:04:41.400 --> 1:04:44.120 the notoriety, they had kids where eighty percent of them 1:04:44.120 --> 1:04:46.120 had already passed, and then they knocked them up to 1:04:46.160 --> 1:04:48.520 eighty five or ninety percent pass right, So that gain 1:04:48.560 --> 1:04:49.560 is only really ten percent. 1:04:49.720 --> 1:04:50.640 Mine is a lot larger. 1:04:50.720 --> 1:04:51.560 Had the greatest growth. 1:04:51.600 --> 1:04:51.800 Yeah. 1:04:51.880 --> 1:04:55.800 Yeah, so even as a principal in Stockton, he really 1:04:56.640 --> 1:05:00.400 transformed those kids' lives because he had That's what reason 1:05:00.400 --> 1:05:04.320 why he left the principalship, because it was really stressful 1:05:04.320 --> 1:05:06.640 for him because he wanted to do so much at 1:05:06.640 --> 1:05:09.480 that school. He got the new uniforms. He was trying 1:05:09.520 --> 1:05:14.000 to build a soccer film. He instituted e gaming. 1:05:13.760 --> 1:05:16.640 And just started. 1:05:16.960 --> 1:05:20.320 He was a principal. Yeah, so he left education when 1:05:20.360 --> 1:05:22.720 we were in when we were in Stockton. 1:05:23.720 --> 1:05:26.160 But yeah, I just want to celebrate you because, like 1:05:26.200 --> 1:05:27.840 you said, I don't want to gloss over the fact 1:05:27.880 --> 1:05:30.760 there's not a lot of black men in education and 1:05:30.840 --> 1:05:34.160 a lot of I think the rhetoric around that is 1:05:34.200 --> 1:05:36.680 like why would a black man go teach? But that 1:05:36.880 --> 1:05:40.480 is one of the most powerful physicians. 1:05:39.880 --> 1:05:41.320 That a black man can be in. 1:05:41.640 --> 1:05:45.440 So I just want to salute you because you know, I, 1:05:45.520 --> 1:05:49.080 as an all boys teacher, would say that I thought 1:05:49.120 --> 1:05:52.360 I did well, but I certainly the few black men 1:05:52.400 --> 1:05:54.640 that we had that were at the school, I can 1:05:54.720 --> 1:05:59.240 honestly say that their physical presence at the school did 1:05:59.480 --> 1:06:02.360 so much for those boys that I taught. It was 1:06:02.400 --> 1:06:05.280 the difference between like we'd be like sitting star and 1:06:05.280 --> 1:06:07.160 they would sit like this for me, but when that 1:06:07.240 --> 1:06:11.600 black man walk in, they'd be like do you. And 1:06:11.680 --> 1:06:15.080 so our kids even just shine when they have the 1:06:15.160 --> 1:06:18.000 presence of like a black man in that space. So 1:06:18.040 --> 1:06:21.280 I just want to salute you for that, and just 1:06:21.360 --> 1:06:25.000 any man that's thinking about like should I do should 1:06:25.000 --> 1:06:26.520 I Should I be a part of education? 1:06:26.520 --> 1:06:27.960 Should I become an educator? 1:06:28.280 --> 1:06:28.360 Like? 1:06:28.480 --> 1:06:31.400 Yes, do it. It's a great job. It's a great career. 1:06:31.800 --> 1:06:36.080 And women, please, when you see men in education, celebrate them. 1:06:36.280 --> 1:06:39.360 Don't tell them that you want them to be something 1:06:39.400 --> 1:06:41.800 else or that's not good enough for you, or that's 1:06:41.840 --> 1:06:43.520 not a good career choice. 1:06:43.520 --> 1:06:44.840 Because it's an excellent career. 1:06:44.920 --> 1:06:46.200 You must need a career choice. 1:06:46.280 --> 1:06:51.240 Yeah, absolutely, absolutely So Atlanta, y'all and Atlanta. 1:06:50.800 --> 1:06:53.880 Now and y'all were how did. 1:06:55.200 --> 1:06:59.000 Panda Commission come to play and explain what Panda Commission is? 1:06:59.200 --> 1:06:59.439 Yeah? 1:06:59.520 --> 1:07:00.240 Yeah, okay. 1:07:00.280 --> 1:07:03.000 So so when I was a principal and you know, 1:07:03.120 --> 1:07:06.080 we were deciding that, you know, possibly I need to 1:07:06.080 --> 1:07:08.880 look at something else. Because it was March twenty eighteen, 1:07:08.960 --> 1:07:11.440 March twenty nineteen, I was in the er do distress. 1:07:12.000 --> 1:07:14.480 So the second time that it happened, my wife she 1:07:14.680 --> 1:07:17.080 you know, she's you know, when you got this hospital bed, 1:07:17.160 --> 1:07:19.360 she's like, listen, we can't lose you to a job, 1:07:19.880 --> 1:07:21.600 like you know, you got to do something else. You 1:07:21.640 --> 1:07:24.880 were stressed like that, stressed like that because you know 1:07:24.960 --> 1:07:27.040 it's it's you got to understand, like you know, I 1:07:27.160 --> 1:07:30.160 was to stop right here, Jonesy what you just had 1:07:30.160 --> 1:07:30.760 a flashback? 1:07:30.840 --> 1:07:32.000 What was that? Oh? 1:07:32.040 --> 1:07:36.400 That was all the stories of things that were happening 1:07:36.440 --> 1:07:39.640 to him when he was a principal, of all the 1:07:39.680 --> 1:07:43.840 resistance he was getting, of all the you know, it 1:07:43.880 --> 1:07:45.840 was just it was overwhelming. 1:07:46.440 --> 1:07:49.080 It was a lot. It was a lot. You know, 1:07:49.200 --> 1:07:52.760 you when you focus on the kids, and you know this, 1:07:53.080 --> 1:07:54.840 when you focus on the kids and you center them 1:07:55.160 --> 1:07:58.640 and their needs and make everything about them, there's some 1:07:58.680 --> 1:08:01.400 people who have, you know, objections to that. They want 1:08:01.400 --> 1:08:03.000 you to keep the status quo. They want you to 1:08:03.080 --> 1:08:06.120 kind of keep things where they are. These kids were brilliant. 1:08:06.240 --> 1:08:09.200 These kids had so much that they could do, and 1:08:09.240 --> 1:08:12.160 I wanted to expose them to more. I wanted them 1:08:12.160 --> 1:08:15.560 to you know, we had kids that would routinely at 1:08:15.560 --> 1:08:19.240 the time only apply to state schools. Those kids were 1:08:19.360 --> 1:08:21.840 good enough to go to Stanford in Berkeley and Ivy 1:08:21.920 --> 1:08:25.120 League schools, and so I made sure they did that. 1:08:25.400 --> 1:08:27.599 But in order for me to make sure that path happened, 1:08:27.600 --> 1:08:32.080 I had to to change things in structures and processes 1:08:32.400 --> 1:08:34.840 and connections and different things like you know, like I 1:08:34.880 --> 1:08:37.680 had connected with people to do like flying programs, you know, 1:08:37.720 --> 1:08:40.040 like for like Princeton and Penn and things like that. 1:08:40.400 --> 1:08:42.720 You know that kind of stuff. Someone has to to 1:08:43.120 --> 1:08:45.960 see that and also make it happen. And so I 1:08:46.040 --> 1:08:47.640 was doing a lot of things that were focused on 1:08:47.680 --> 1:08:51.240 the kids only, and not that I was disregarding the teachers, 1:08:51.240 --> 1:08:53.439 because I know that if you have a great teach 1:08:53.479 --> 1:08:55.519 the teachers are happy, you have happy kids, right, So 1:08:55.520 --> 1:08:58.240 I was also investing in them as well, but I 1:08:58.280 --> 1:09:01.080 think they weren't used to, and you know, is uncommon 1:09:01.160 --> 1:09:04.880 the expectations and how you go about like really pouring 1:09:04.920 --> 1:09:06.679 into people and even investing in them. 1:09:07.000 --> 1:09:07.519 If they're not. 1:09:07.560 --> 1:09:10.320 Ready for it, yeah, they could push back a lot, 1:09:10.479 --> 1:09:11.920 you know what I mean. Like even if you try 1:09:11.960 --> 1:09:14.040 to like try to bring family along and you know, 1:09:14.040 --> 1:09:15.599 you trying to help out your little brother or something 1:09:15.600 --> 1:09:17.320 like that, you like, hey man, this is how you 1:09:17.360 --> 1:09:19.920 do X y Z, and they ain't ready, they gonna 1:09:19.960 --> 1:09:20.600 push back on you. 1:09:20.680 --> 1:09:23.160 Because it's more. It's more than just having a career. 1:09:23.360 --> 1:09:25.320 You really have to give your life to the work. 1:09:25.600 --> 1:09:27.240 So you have to think about yourself as kind of 1:09:27.280 --> 1:09:30.519 like an activist because this whole idea of like work 1:09:30.560 --> 1:09:35.639 life balance, like it doesn't yeah, I live for my kids, 1:09:35.720 --> 1:09:39.760 So I totally understand and have seen that. You know, 1:09:39.840 --> 1:09:47.759 even just with education shifting that you know, prioritizing kids solely, 1:09:47.920 --> 1:09:50.879 there is like you know, some and not saying solely, 1:09:51.000 --> 1:09:54.760 but just there can be some pushback because people are like, 1:09:55.160 --> 1:09:57.680 hold on, I don't know if COVID I think did 1:09:57.720 --> 1:10:00.760 some of this too. People are very in tune with 1:10:00.920 --> 1:10:03.200 like the balance of it all, and they want to 1:10:03.280 --> 1:10:06.200 leave by a certain time. And so when you're coming 1:10:06.200 --> 1:10:09.799 with the spirit of like anything for yeah, yeah, anything 1:10:09.840 --> 1:10:10.479 for the kids. 1:10:10.720 --> 1:10:12.360 I got it from Teach for America because you know, 1:10:12.560 --> 1:10:14.599 it's like, you know, student centered, you know, like what's 1:10:14.640 --> 1:10:16.880 best for the student. Yes, if you if you shift 1:10:16.880 --> 1:10:20.400 the perspective of whatever you're whatever you're doing in your classroom, 1:10:20.760 --> 1:10:23.040 whatever it is, if you shift the perspective to what's 1:10:23.080 --> 1:10:25.360 best for the student and not what's best for me 1:10:25.400 --> 1:10:27.439 as the adult or what do I feel like doing 1:10:27.520 --> 1:10:28.000 or what you know? 1:10:28.040 --> 1:10:28.599 Am I like? 1:10:28.640 --> 1:10:30.479 If you shift that, then you you there a lot 1:10:30.479 --> 1:10:32.800 of the whole world opens up in terms of what 1:10:33.200 --> 1:10:35.839 you know it should be possible and could be possible. 1:10:36.160 --> 1:10:38.360 And since I was the principal and I had the resources, 1:10:38.600 --> 1:10:40.880 we we actually were, you know, the school that had 1:10:40.880 --> 1:10:44.200 the most money in the whole network, and but a 1:10:44.200 --> 1:10:46.280 lot of people didn't know that, and we weren't using 1:10:46.360 --> 1:10:48.880 the resources I felt like in the best way to 1:10:48.960 --> 1:10:51.400 center the kids. And so when I started to do that, 1:10:51.439 --> 1:10:53.960 I think people just weren't you know, weren't weren't used 1:10:54.000 --> 1:10:56.240 to that. So it was stressful to have to keep 1:10:56.560 --> 1:11:01.400 advocating and keep explaining that, you know, especially because it's like, man, 1:11:01.400 --> 1:11:04.120 I'm trying to I'm trying to do everything I can. 1:11:04.160 --> 1:11:06.479 Can't y'all see this, and so it was just really hard, 1:11:06.880 --> 1:11:08.799 and so you know, you get you get stressed. 1:11:08.840 --> 1:11:08.960 Man. 1:11:08.960 --> 1:11:11.080 I actually I didn't even know what it was until, 1:11:11.160 --> 1:11:14.120 you know, I'm starting to have these like you know episodes, 1:11:14.200 --> 1:11:15.479 you know, and I'm just like, I gotta go to 1:11:15.520 --> 1:11:16.599 the hospital, like I'm tripping. 1:11:16.640 --> 1:11:17.920 You went to the hospital twice. 1:11:17.760 --> 1:11:21.000 Twice, Yeah, yeah, just like your heart was racing. Yeah, 1:11:21.000 --> 1:11:22.720 I found out I had high blood pressures. That was 1:11:22.720 --> 1:11:24.479 the first time if you found out out was was 1:11:24.520 --> 1:11:27.400 because of something like that. Because things were so stressful, 1:11:27.640 --> 1:11:29.080 you know, I ended up like I think one time, 1:11:29.080 --> 1:11:30.479 I felt like I had like a panic attacker. So 1:11:30.520 --> 1:11:32.400 I don't know what it was like, you know, how 1:11:32.439 --> 1:11:34.479 to describe. Only it wasn't a heart attack to call. 1:11:34.560 --> 1:11:38.200 It was the call of mild or something. I don't 1:11:38.200 --> 1:11:40.439 know what it was, but anyway it was, it was 1:11:40.560 --> 1:11:44.519 it was to the hospital, and I knew that, you know, 1:11:44.720 --> 1:11:48.040 I was highly stressed out, and so we needed to 1:11:47.800 --> 1:11:51.599 to pivot. And so our first pivot actually was John 1:11:51.600 --> 1:11:53.120 cy I taught our boys how to read at the 1:11:53.120 --> 1:11:56.880 age of two, both our boys, right exactly. 1:11:57.040 --> 1:12:03.439 Talking about I was like, what child, Yeah. 1:12:03.400 --> 1:12:06.720 God, my boy, you know, And I'm the teacher. I'm 1:12:06.760 --> 1:12:07.360 the educator. 1:12:07.479 --> 1:12:10.040 But she's at the house and she's teaching them, and 1:12:10.080 --> 1:12:11.479 I'm and I'm looking at this. 1:12:11.439 --> 1:12:13.320 And I'm like, these boys two years old over here 1:12:13.320 --> 1:12:14.000 reading me books. 1:12:14.000 --> 1:12:17.040 This is crazy. And so at the time when we transitioned, 1:12:17.960 --> 1:12:20.800 the first business was actually in home preschool because I 1:12:20.840 --> 1:12:22.479 was like, well, you taught our boys how to read, 1:12:22.960 --> 1:12:24.720 and I know how to run a school, so why 1:12:24.720 --> 1:12:26.920 don't we just combine these efforts and just help out 1:12:26.920 --> 1:12:30.519 more kids. And so we opened up and you know, initially, 1:12:30.560 --> 1:12:31.960 I'll tell I'll say, and this is the story we 1:12:31.960 --> 1:12:34.280 always tell, but initially it was crickets. When we first 1:12:34.280 --> 1:12:36.719 opened up. It was crickets because we were doing traditional marketing. 1:12:37.080 --> 1:12:41.160 We were Walmart handed out, I got a pre school. 1:12:44.600 --> 1:12:46.000 I'll teach you how to read it all that. 1:12:46.520 --> 1:12:47.000 It was like. 1:12:49.560 --> 1:12:51.360 So I started, I said, I don't know if people 1:12:51.520 --> 1:12:54.280 search for childcare this way, like I think they just 1:12:54.320 --> 1:12:54.839 go online. 1:12:54.840 --> 1:12:56.240 He probably go to Facebook or something. 1:12:56.479 --> 1:12:58.160 So at the time, actually, the whole time I was 1:12:58.160 --> 1:12:59.960 a principal, I was studying digital marketing on the side. 1:13:00.160 --> 1:13:02.120 I always been someone who knew how to build websites 1:13:02.160 --> 1:13:02.640 and stuff like that. 1:13:02.680 --> 1:13:04.599 And I was rebranded his school too. 1:13:05.240 --> 1:13:06.559 That was one of the first things I did. 1:13:06.640 --> 1:13:11.280 Yeah, everybody the parents. 1:13:10.640 --> 1:13:13.479 Branded school, got them new gear, outfits all that, like 1:13:13.800 --> 1:13:15.639 make sure everybody was flying because that's if. 1:13:15.479 --> 1:13:18.360 You know what Deon say. You know. 1:13:20.120 --> 1:13:23.000 They pay good, right, So I was like, I want 1:13:23.040 --> 1:13:25.960 everybody to feel like, you know, they look good. So anyway, 1:13:26.439 --> 1:13:29.800 so when it came to the preschool, I was like, 1:13:29.840 --> 1:13:31.760 you know, digital marketing is something that I've been doing 1:13:31.800 --> 1:13:33.920 on the side, and so I looked at all the 1:13:33.960 --> 1:13:35.960 websites in the area, and I looked at how people 1:13:35.960 --> 1:13:38.000 were marketing, and I was like, I feel like I 1:13:38.040 --> 1:13:40.680 could do it better. And so I built a website, 1:13:40.760 --> 1:13:42.599 and I did the marketing and I did like ads 1:13:42.640 --> 1:13:44.640 and things like that, and we went from you know, 1:13:44.680 --> 1:13:48.160 basically having nobody checking for us to having our daycare 1:13:48.240 --> 1:13:50.519 full within weeks and then we had like a forty 1:13:50.560 --> 1:13:53.280 parent like waitless, you know, and then we started helping 1:13:53.280 --> 1:13:55.240 and we were having so many people were referring people 1:13:55.400 --> 1:13:57.559 to other daycares, you know, to help fill them out 1:13:57.600 --> 1:14:00.519 because the needs were there, but people just didn't trusted 1:14:00.600 --> 1:14:03.720 and they didn't they didn't they didn't have something. I'll say, 1:14:03.760 --> 1:14:05.960 it's a brand that they could trust, right, and so 1:14:06.000 --> 1:14:08.080 they saw the website, they saw the brand, and they 1:14:08.080 --> 1:14:10.439 saw the marketing. And then the thing is, I knew 1:14:10.840 --> 1:14:12.080 it if they were come in the house and they 1:14:12.080 --> 1:14:14.800 saw Johnsy and we had you know, some fresh baked 1:14:14.800 --> 1:14:16.880 cookies in the back, and we had it laid out 1:14:16.920 --> 1:14:18.400 the way it's supposed to because we had a two 1:14:18.439 --> 1:14:20.719 story and our bottom floor was a total daycare. 1:14:21.080 --> 1:14:22.519 So I made it look like a school. 1:14:22.520 --> 1:14:25.679 We had different sections, differentiating instruction, we had different things. 1:14:25.920 --> 1:14:28.200 Our backyard was decked out. So I knew if they 1:14:28.200 --> 1:14:30.759 could just come and see what we had, they would, 1:14:30.760 --> 1:14:33.360 you know, sign up. And sure enough, man, people start 1:14:33.400 --> 1:14:34.280 coming and. 1:14:34.200 --> 1:14:34.800 They walk in. 1:14:34.880 --> 1:14:36.920 They was like, oh my god, you got Johnsy there 1:14:36.960 --> 1:14:39.040 smiling at them and tell them how you know, She's 1:14:39.040 --> 1:14:41.280 gonna love on they child and you know, and provide education. 1:14:41.400 --> 1:14:43.960 And then our boys are there and they're three years 1:14:44.000 --> 1:14:46.439 old and reading. They was like, oh yeah. So we 1:14:46.560 --> 1:14:47.960 had people signing up left. 1:14:47.800 --> 1:14:52.719 And right, and then COVID happened and shut us down. 1:14:53.479 --> 1:14:55.479 That's what shut us down. And actually I was at 1:14:55.479 --> 1:14:57.920 the time, so we when we got shut down, we 1:14:57.960 --> 1:14:58.680 actually had a good time. 1:14:58.720 --> 1:15:01.040 The first two weeks we got back to us. 1:15:01.880 --> 1:15:03.600 It was just me and my wife and we was 1:15:03.680 --> 1:15:06.760 chilling and you know, but I realized. I was like, man, hey, babe, 1:15:06.760 --> 1:15:08.680 we ain't got paid. And she was like, what you 1:15:08.760 --> 1:15:10.760 gonna do about that? And I was like, man, it's 1:15:10.760 --> 1:15:11.559 been two three weeks. 1:15:11.560 --> 1:15:12.800 She's like, ye, what you're gonna do about it? 1:15:13.720 --> 1:15:15.880 Like man, So I went upstairs and I was on 1:15:15.920 --> 1:15:17.960 my laptop and I was I was praying, asking God 1:15:17.960 --> 1:15:19.880 what should I do? And actually at the time, I 1:15:19.920 --> 1:15:21.840 was redesigning a friend's website because I didn't like the 1:15:21.840 --> 1:15:24.200 way it looks. I was just bored, and God spoke 1:15:24.240 --> 1:15:26.479 to me, said, you're doing it now. You know, he said, 1:15:26.520 --> 1:15:27.840 this is what you do. And so I went and 1:15:27.840 --> 1:15:31.559 made a Facebook post and and put out that, Hey, 1:15:31.880 --> 1:15:34.160 I'm building sites, I'm building funnels. I'm just you know, 1:15:34.800 --> 1:15:37.360 and next thing, I know you our first month. 1:15:37.160 --> 1:15:38.080 We did five figures. 1:15:39.040 --> 1:15:43.080 Shortly after that we ended up being subcontract to do 1:15:43.120 --> 1:15:45.759 some websites for funnels for Eric Thomas, the Hip hop Preacher. 1:15:46.439 --> 1:15:49.160 And then once that's once people started knowing that we 1:15:49.160 --> 1:15:51.760 were behind that, you know, that was the start of. 1:15:51.720 --> 1:15:57.679 Paying yep PANDIC commission. And I've had my experience working 1:15:57.680 --> 1:15:58.160 with y'all. 1:15:59.240 --> 1:16:01.679 Charles is really quick at what he does. 1:16:03.240 --> 1:16:07.480 And shout out to Candace for the introduction to my publicist, 1:16:07.479 --> 1:16:10.080 Candace lab Better, and she was like, Terrris. 1:16:10.280 --> 1:16:11.840 She kept telling me over and over again, you need 1:16:11.840 --> 1:16:13.080 to get your website. Get website. 1:16:13.080 --> 1:16:14.920 I said, Man, people don't worry about website no more 1:16:15.160 --> 1:16:16.400 I care about Instagram. 1:16:16.479 --> 1:16:18.680 I ain't gonna do that, Terrs. Need a website, need 1:16:18.680 --> 1:16:19.240 a website. 1:16:19.560 --> 1:16:22.439 And so she introduced me to y'all and I'm very 1:16:22.520 --> 1:16:24.719 when I said, I'm so particularly like, if we're gonna 1:16:24.760 --> 1:16:26.280 do it, it gotta be right. That's just how I 1:16:26.280 --> 1:16:28.320 look at stuff. And I'd be like, man, Canda Is 1:16:28.320 --> 1:16:30.360 don't want these people, and they whack and they stuff 1:16:30.400 --> 1:16:32.800 be lame. I could have been on. That's what I 1:16:32.840 --> 1:16:34.479 told her, I said, So I started off. I said, 1:16:34.479 --> 1:16:36.240 I'm gonna do it on my own. Forgive you said, 1:16:36.240 --> 1:16:37.800 I need the website off in the building. So I 1:16:37.800 --> 1:16:40.840 built my website, and then she introduced me to y'all. 1:16:40.840 --> 1:16:43.720 I said, look, Charles, up what I did. He' like, 1:16:43.920 --> 1:16:47.400 that's nice. I see where you were going, what you 1:16:47.400 --> 1:16:50.519 were trying to you. I said, hold on, I thought 1:16:50.560 --> 1:16:52.680 this was good. I'm gonna take what you do and 1:16:52.720 --> 1:16:54.240 expand I said, all right, we're gonna see what you're 1:16:54.240 --> 1:16:56.040 gonna do. Man, you sent me that thing. I said, 1:16:56.600 --> 1:17:01.200 that's what I'm talking about. I looked amazed. Matter of fact, 1:17:01.200 --> 1:17:03.320 I'm gonna drop a video right here so y'all can 1:17:03.360 --> 1:17:06.719 see the process of our first call that we had 1:17:07.000 --> 1:17:10.559 and how he took my idea and expounded on my 1:17:10.640 --> 1:17:14.439 imagination and created the website for Student of Love. 1:17:16.360 --> 1:17:19.200 So the Terris, I know that you have been in 1:17:19.240 --> 1:17:21.200 your production studio all. 1:17:21.120 --> 1:17:23.559 Night, but we got to get this website up. 1:17:23.600 --> 1:17:26.120 So I'm went ahead and I called my people, Carls 1:17:26.160 --> 1:17:28.920 and John Z Charles and john Z. Thank you, thank you, 1:17:29.000 --> 1:17:31.759 thank you for hopping on this call with me tonight. 1:17:33.439 --> 1:17:37.719 The situation is we are about to launch his new book. 1:17:38.000 --> 1:17:40.760 I spent the night in my studio last night. I 1:17:40.840 --> 1:17:44.120 came here at noon yesterday. I made Cannibs a promise 1:17:44.160 --> 1:17:47.160 that I will not leave my studio until this website 1:17:47.200 --> 1:17:47.559 is done. 1:17:47.720 --> 1:17:50.840 On call list the white flag, all. 1:17:50.800 --> 1:17:54.599 Right, I'm waving, I'm tapping out. And so she sent 1:17:54.640 --> 1:17:57.439 me a link to your page, to your website. And 1:17:57.520 --> 1:18:00.320 y'all the truth, y'all, y'all, y'all the best, And so 1:18:00.840 --> 1:18:04.560 I bow down. O here, do what y'all do. I 1:18:04.600 --> 1:18:07.040 don't even want to show y'all what I built. Already, 1:18:07.280 --> 1:18:09.880 y'all are the experts in this. Hey, I'm gonna stay 1:18:09.880 --> 1:18:11.680 a student of love. I'm gonna let y'all do what 1:18:11.760 --> 1:18:14.720 y'all do. Let me go home, all right? That is 1:18:14.720 --> 1:18:17.639 that a deal that works? And we got you, Yeah, gotcha. 1:18:17.720 --> 1:18:20.519 You stay in your zonner, genius, and we'll take care 1:18:20.520 --> 1:18:20.720 of it. 1:18:20.880 --> 1:18:22.479 Get out the way and let y'all do what y'all do. 1:18:23.040 --> 1:18:27.200 Height damn good ready and quick question, the y'all fits 1:18:27.280 --> 1:18:29.080 Wi Fi too, because the whole time he. 1:18:29.040 --> 1:18:32.360 Was talking about he has worked so hard. 1:18:32.240 --> 1:18:34.639 I'm trying to get this website up that his whole 1:18:34.800 --> 1:18:38.559 video was stuck with him like this, Can you know 1:18:38.600 --> 1:18:39.160 what y'all's in? 1:18:39.240 --> 1:18:39.640 John Ny? 1:18:40.200 --> 1:18:43.759 Just tell Literarius how he can find y'all online again, 1:18:43.880 --> 1:18:45.760 just in case he needs to remind him how great 1:18:45.840 --> 1:18:46.439 y'all are. 1:18:47.000 --> 1:18:52.120 Yes, you can go to UH Paniccommission, dot com, Panda Commission. 1:18:52.439 --> 1:18:55.679 You can also search us on Instagram at Panic Commission 1:18:56.960 --> 1:18:59.519 that works as well, or Facebook at Pandic Commission. 1:18:59.600 --> 1:19:03.519 So every Pande commission, make sure there's no asset at 1:19:03.600 --> 1:19:06.440 the end. 1:19:10.120 --> 1:19:16.120 How study? 1:19:18.840 --> 1:19:20.240 How pass every great? 1:19:26.520 --> 1:19:28.679 So when you when you when you first took on 1:19:28.800 --> 1:19:33.639 this opportunity to do Student of Love? You know, this 1:19:33.720 --> 1:19:36.320 is my baby, My book was about to come come out. 1:19:36.920 --> 1:19:38.080 How did you approach it? 1:19:38.840 --> 1:19:38.960 So? 1:19:39.280 --> 1:19:42.240 You know, for me, everything that I do is about intentionality. 1:19:42.560 --> 1:19:44.320 And and I recognized too that you were a very 1:19:44.320 --> 1:19:47.519 intentional person as well. And I remember us talking and 1:19:47.520 --> 1:19:49.200 I kind of, you know, do my research. You know, 1:19:49.240 --> 1:19:50.800 I was looking up some of your stuff and I 1:19:50.840 --> 1:19:52.720 already was aware of who you were, but I was, 1:19:52.840 --> 1:19:54.880 you know, doing more, you know, trying to really and 1:19:54.920 --> 1:19:57.599 I realized that you had a keen eye for video, 1:19:58.200 --> 1:20:01.080 like your stuff looks amazing, like this, that's amazing, right, 1:20:01.320 --> 1:20:04.760 And so I knew that I had to be very particular, right, 1:20:04.920 --> 1:20:06.759 and I understood there was gonna be a high level 1:20:07.080 --> 1:20:09.559 of excellence as you were expecting, because that's who you 1:20:09.600 --> 1:20:12.280 were as a person. And so I was just looking 1:20:12.320 --> 1:20:14.840 at a lot of different things. And I also realized, 1:20:15.040 --> 1:20:16.160 to me, it seemed like you had a lot of 1:20:16.160 --> 1:20:19.240 intentionality around the cover and the story that the cover 1:20:19.320 --> 1:20:22.479 was telling. And so I wanted to make sure that 1:20:22.520 --> 1:20:25.840 the site honored that honored that story because for me, 1:20:26.200 --> 1:20:28.280 when you design websites, it's one thing just to get 1:20:28.320 --> 1:20:30.160 it done and get it done quick. That's cool, But 1:20:30.200 --> 1:20:32.759 can you tell a visual story? Can you make somebody 1:20:32.840 --> 1:20:33.439 feel something? 1:20:33.960 --> 1:20:34.160 Right? 1:20:34.520 --> 1:20:37.920 And oftentimes the sites that we create, people don't realize that. 1:20:37.960 --> 1:20:40.400 But sometimes me and Johnson we'll sit back and we'll 1:20:40.400 --> 1:20:43.320 talk about what do we want people to feel when 1:20:43.400 --> 1:20:45.840 they see the site. What are the words that should 1:20:45.840 --> 1:20:49.800 come to their head as they scroll right, And we 1:20:49.880 --> 1:20:52.240 know we got it locked in when we do the 1:20:52.360 --> 1:20:54.280 site and they see it and they start saying the 1:20:54.320 --> 1:20:58.000 same words that we said we were brainstorming, right, But 1:20:58.040 --> 1:20:59.120 that's how intentional we have to be. 1:20:59.160 --> 1:21:00.840 And it doesn't happen overnight. You know, it's gonna take 1:21:00.880 --> 1:21:01.560 some iterations. 1:21:01.760 --> 1:21:03.800 Yeah, you know, and I think I don't know how 1:21:03.800 --> 1:21:06.360 many you saw, but usually before you even see one, 1:21:06.600 --> 1:21:08.600 we've already done three or four versions of it, just 1:21:08.640 --> 1:21:09.480 to see. 1:21:09.240 --> 1:21:09.920 Three or four. 1:21:10.040 --> 1:21:12.960 That's typically what we do, yes, before you even see it, 1:21:13.000 --> 1:21:15.320 just to make sure that it's something that speaks to 1:21:15.400 --> 1:21:18.600 us because we want to we want to feel it ourselves, 1:21:18.960 --> 1:21:20.960 hoping that when you see it it feels the same way. 1:21:21.920 --> 1:21:24.479 So, Johnsy, what did you think when he presented you 1:21:24.640 --> 1:21:27.000 and told you about Student of Love? What was your 1:21:27.040 --> 1:21:30.320 first concept or idea idea? What did you take away 1:21:30.320 --> 1:21:34.719 from asa were ide eighting with the concept and idea? 1:21:35.479 --> 1:21:39.800 Well, that whole concept was mostly Charles. I am not 1:21:39.920 --> 1:21:44.639 the designer. He is, you know, the brains behind all that. 1:21:44.720 --> 1:21:48.679 But I was really excited and you know, and excited 1:21:48.800 --> 1:21:53.599 for him too, because I know he he's a fan 1:21:53.640 --> 1:21:57.320 of the show, and so that gives him like a 1:21:57.360 --> 1:22:01.519 better connection and under standing. Like a lot of the 1:22:01.560 --> 1:22:05.960 clients we work with, he is already in admiration of 1:22:06.040 --> 1:22:09.639 things that they're doing. So when he creates it's like 1:22:10.200 --> 1:22:13.920 it's with that care and that admiration. So I was 1:22:13.960 --> 1:22:14.719 really excited. 1:22:14.760 --> 1:22:18.639 But Johnson's like my emotional barometer, right she So if 1:22:18.640 --> 1:22:21.000 I'm like if I if I don't know if I'm 1:22:21.040 --> 1:22:23.840 in tune emotionally, I check in with her because her 1:22:24.040 --> 1:22:26.799 her her emotion like she's always in tune. It seems 1:22:26.840 --> 1:22:29.120 like she just has a pulse. And so if I'm 1:22:29.120 --> 1:22:31.280 trying to go for a feeling and I show her 1:22:31.520 --> 1:22:33.920 and she don't get that feeling, then I feel like, Okay, 1:22:33.960 --> 1:22:36.200 I gotta I gotta rework this, right. But if I 1:22:36.200 --> 1:22:38.120 show it to her and she's like whoa and she 1:22:38.160 --> 1:22:41.439 gets to me that feeling, I'm like, okay, likely, yeah, 1:22:43.960 --> 1:22:45.599 so I know what she saw and she was like, yeah, 1:22:45.640 --> 1:22:46.040 that's dope. 1:22:46.080 --> 1:22:48.880 Yeah it was. It was. It was definitely on brand perfect. 1:22:49.080 --> 1:22:53.280 It was. It made me happily bow down and be 1:22:53.400 --> 1:22:58.680 like I down to a great one. Do what you 1:22:58.760 --> 1:22:59.120 do better. 1:22:59.120 --> 1:23:02.880 And that wasn't even like when when you guys had 1:23:02.880 --> 1:23:07.800 your call the first call I was, I was like, 1:23:07.960 --> 1:23:11.240 you know, I could tell how particular you were, you know, 1:23:11.280 --> 1:23:15.240 aside from you know what Charles mentioned before, but I 1:23:15.320 --> 1:23:18.599 knew that you really cared about how your website would 1:23:18.600 --> 1:23:21.920 be presented. Because you care about your community, you care 1:23:21.960 --> 1:23:25.000 about the people reading the book, You care about you know, 1:23:25.479 --> 1:23:28.760 people who are watching your videos and consuming. I could 1:23:28.800 --> 1:23:32.320 feel that on the call with you, so you know, 1:23:32.439 --> 1:23:34.759 I was like, Oh, he's in great hands with Charles, 1:23:34.800 --> 1:23:35.720 but he doesn't even know it. 1:23:36.880 --> 1:23:39.400 He just kept saying, she said, listen, y'all gonna work 1:23:39.439 --> 1:23:42.400 so well together. Matter of fact, before y'all came today, 1:23:42.640 --> 1:23:44.920 she told me today she's like, you're gonna love them. 1:23:44.920 --> 1:23:45.679 They're just so amazed. 1:23:45.680 --> 1:23:47.160 I said, y'all, I'll talk to him on the phone 1:23:47.200 --> 1:23:49.479 for Simon, but they're very open with their story. You're 1:23:49.520 --> 1:23:52.839 gonna truly love them. My publisher when we did the book, 1:23:53.160 --> 1:23:56.320 I was a guy that literally went and bought a desk. 1:23:56.439 --> 1:23:58.519 That desk and the picture and I went and bought 1:23:58.600 --> 1:24:01.559 a desk founded on eBay, drove all the way to Frisco, 1:24:01.720 --> 1:24:03.760 got the desk from this lady who was selling it, 1:24:04.160 --> 1:24:06.559 took it to a studio, took photos of all the 1:24:06.600 --> 1:24:09.559 angles of the desk and said, I'm gonna present it 1:24:09.560 --> 1:24:13.160 to my publisher and say, this is the desk I 1:24:13.200 --> 1:24:16.640 want as the cover. You know, and me and the 1:24:16.760 --> 1:24:19.280 art department was going back and forth the colors. I 1:24:19.560 --> 1:24:22.600 don't want this color, I want this color to the lead. 1:24:23.439 --> 1:24:27.000 The lead of the art director had to get involved 1:24:27.040 --> 1:24:30.160 on my cover because I was just like, I'm not 1:24:30.200 --> 1:24:32.720 liking this, I need this, and she was like, I 1:24:32.760 --> 1:24:34.519 think I know what the Tears wants. So then she 1:24:34.640 --> 1:24:36.320 got involved. It was like all right, let's get it. 1:24:36.360 --> 1:24:38.599 And I was like then I went crazy, like if 1:24:38.640 --> 1:24:40.639 you nail it, you give me what I want. It's 1:24:40.720 --> 1:24:44.160 like because again, I'm an artist, so I'm a graphic designer, 1:24:44.240 --> 1:24:45.519 so I can design stuff. And I'd be like, now 1:24:45.560 --> 1:24:47.479 if I could do it by myself, I don't need you. 1:24:47.479 --> 1:24:49.639 You need to be able to present me something that 1:24:49.720 --> 1:24:51.880 I haven't thought of or I can't do on my own. 1:24:52.200 --> 1:24:55.439 And that's what Panda Commission did with the website because 1:24:55.479 --> 1:24:58.719 I attempted to build a website, which would have been okay, 1:24:59.280 --> 1:25:00.879 but I don't want Hey, I want greatness. 1:25:00.960 --> 1:25:03.240 So I went to the people that could produce greatness. 1:25:03.240 --> 1:25:06.200 So how would you What would you say, I'm sure 1:25:06.800 --> 1:25:10.720 because you're a researcher, Yes, you know your competition. If 1:25:11.040 --> 1:25:13.240 you believe in that, I always say, we are we 1:25:13.280 --> 1:25:15.160 look in the mirror and we are our own competition. 1:25:15.479 --> 1:25:18.080 But what would you say makes you stand out as 1:25:18.120 --> 1:25:21.600 a company and how do you approach building websites in 1:25:21.640 --> 1:25:23.200 a way that really makes you. 1:25:23.160 --> 1:25:24.519 Unique phenomenal question? 1:25:24.680 --> 1:25:27.559 Yeah, I would say intentionality. I mean a lot of 1:25:27.960 --> 1:25:32.240 we have been glamored, especially recently by speed, right, And 1:25:32.280 --> 1:25:34.519 I understand everyone says, you know, money loves speed, and 1:25:34.520 --> 1:25:36.680 I get that, and there's there's definitely true to that, 1:25:37.080 --> 1:25:39.920 but there's also something about branding and having something that 1:25:40.160 --> 1:25:43.320 lasts long, and having something that foundationally speaks to who 1:25:43.360 --> 1:25:45.560 you are and what you're about and represents you to 1:25:45.600 --> 1:25:48.880 the fullest. I think we've gotten so used to, you know, this, 1:25:48.880 --> 1:25:51.519 this this culture where everything's so fast and we think 1:25:51.560 --> 1:25:53.800 that everything's so transactional that we don't we don't try 1:25:53.800 --> 1:25:56.000 to do anything with staying power. And so for me, 1:25:56.120 --> 1:25:58.960 when I approach it, I'm approaching it like an artist, right, 1:25:59.080 --> 1:26:00.920 I'm approaching it likes and when it's like, Okay, this 1:26:01.000 --> 1:26:03.880 is this is something that's going to represent this individual, 1:26:03.960 --> 1:26:07.280 represent me too as a creator, represent them, but also 1:26:07.280 --> 1:26:09.040 something that's gonna have impact, We're trying to get it 1:26:09.080 --> 1:26:10.639 to convert. We're trying to get to tell a story. 1:26:10.760 --> 1:26:12.400 We're trying to get it to do all these things. 1:26:12.439 --> 1:26:13.160 I could do it. 1:26:13.120 --> 1:26:16.520 Fast, and it could be transactional. It can have all 1:26:16.560 --> 1:26:19.400 the elements right and have a button that you can purchase. 1:26:19.920 --> 1:26:24.000 But oftentimes, especially when we're doing something that matters and 1:26:24.000 --> 1:26:26.280 we're trying to impact lives, it needs to be more 1:26:26.280 --> 1:26:28.880 intentional than that. And so that's how I approach it. 1:26:28.880 --> 1:26:31.280 And so you know, because I approach it that way, 1:26:31.360 --> 1:26:33.599 not everybody wants that. Some people just wanted to quick fast. 1:26:33.600 --> 1:26:36.479 I know McDonald's got burgers, right, I don't know if 1:26:36.520 --> 1:26:38.599 they sell the best burgers. I don't know if you're 1:26:38.600 --> 1:26:40.880 gonna have the most amazing burger you've ever had. I 1:26:40.920 --> 1:26:42.640 don't know if it's gonna be a burger that's going 1:26:42.720 --> 1:26:45.000 to be memorable that you're gonna talk about or try 1:26:45.000 --> 1:26:47.880 to replicate and at home, it ain't gonna be all that, 1:26:48.000 --> 1:26:48.840 but it's gonna feed you. 1:26:49.040 --> 1:26:53.040 I never want to make a McDonald's burger, you. 1:26:52.960 --> 1:26:53.479 Know what I'm saying. 1:26:53.560 --> 1:26:55.439 But that's the thing I think now, especially when it 1:26:55.439 --> 1:26:58.200 comes to websites and branding andortainthing like that, people just 1:26:58.200 --> 1:27:00.000 want it quick. They just want something and that's cool. 1:27:00.600 --> 1:27:02.640 You can do that, but just understand that that's what 1:27:02.680 --> 1:27:05.479 it represents to the people who are seeing it. And so, 1:27:05.680 --> 1:27:07.840 but what the clients that I work with Oftentimes, they're 1:27:07.840 --> 1:27:10.400 coming to me because they want something different and they 1:27:10.400 --> 1:27:12.960 want something that represents them to the fullest, and they're 1:27:12.960 --> 1:27:14.920 looking at a higher level. They're looking at their brand 1:27:15.200 --> 1:27:17.599 and they're looking at it like longevity because you their 1:27:17.720 --> 1:27:20.200 established brand. They're like, I'm not just gonna have this 1:27:20.240 --> 1:27:22.760 out here just to be you know, especially there're gonna 1:27:22.760 --> 1:27:25.200 bee hundred thousand people looking at it or however, so 1:27:25.200 --> 1:27:28.040 I wanted to connect and so that's why they work 1:27:28.080 --> 1:27:28.880 with someone like me. 1:27:30.280 --> 1:27:30.760 That's good. 1:27:31.280 --> 1:27:34.280 So how was it as we get ready to wrap 1:27:34.400 --> 1:27:37.920 up a lot of people do purpose together, they work together, 1:27:38.360 --> 1:27:42.400 building business together. What was that like with y'all? And 1:27:42.520 --> 1:27:48.080 what was the positive and the negative have been on 1:27:48.120 --> 1:27:53.200 this journey as been co founders Pande Commission, You know. 1:27:53.200 --> 1:27:57.920 What, It's a question I get asked pretty frequently, like 1:27:58.479 --> 1:28:00.960 how is it working with your spouse? Because so many people, 1:28:02.040 --> 1:28:05.519 you know, have this fantasy of working with their spouse 1:28:05.960 --> 1:28:10.960 And sometimes I did, I really did, and you know, 1:28:11.040 --> 1:28:14.479 it doesn't always work out for whatever reason, but it's 1:28:14.520 --> 1:28:21.120 been Initially was very easy for us, and probably because 1:28:21.160 --> 1:28:23.719 I didn't have as much of a hand in Panic Commission. 1:28:24.200 --> 1:28:25.920 And then as the years going on. 1:28:25.800 --> 1:28:29.320 And we started, she was doing the preschool downstairs, and 1:28:29.320 --> 1:28:32.280 then I started panting commission upstairs because after COVID had 1:28:32.400 --> 1:28:34.960 kind of weighed down a little bit, we reopened the 1:28:35.760 --> 1:28:39.120 daycare center. So she was so she was doing it downstairs. 1:28:39.160 --> 1:28:40.760 I was doing panting upstairs. So really it was just 1:28:40.760 --> 1:28:42.960 me starting and then right so. 1:28:42.920 --> 1:28:45.600 I would help them with things like you know, copywriting 1:28:45.720 --> 1:28:49.439 and you know, reviewing things. But you know, for the 1:28:49.479 --> 1:28:52.400 most part, initially it was him, and then once we 1:28:52.479 --> 1:28:57.080 closed the preschool, I I helped and stepped in a 1:28:57.120 --> 1:29:00.080 little bit more, but so much so that, you know, 1:29:00.120 --> 1:29:01.800 I have a few more followers and things like that. 1:29:01.800 --> 1:29:04.600 I'm a bit louder, and you know, I'm more, I 1:29:04.640 --> 1:29:09.160 have more interpersonal skills. He's an introvert. I'm an extrovert. 1:29:09.160 --> 1:29:11.599 I like talking to people. So I would be talking 1:29:11.600 --> 1:29:14.080 to people about Panic Commission, and they would think that 1:29:14.200 --> 1:29:16.280 I'm the owner and I was the one doing the 1:29:16.320 --> 1:29:19.439 designs and stuff like that. And so it got to 1:29:19.520 --> 1:29:23.520 a point where it became really stressful for us because 1:29:24.000 --> 1:29:28.080 you know, people didn't really understand our dynamic and that 1:29:28.240 --> 1:29:33.400 he's really the head of Panic Commission and running the 1:29:33.439 --> 1:29:36.760 operations and managing the team and managing the clients and 1:29:36.800 --> 1:29:41.520 all the you know, designs and everything, and so it 1:29:41.520 --> 1:29:43.960 it came to a contention because people were like, well, 1:29:44.200 --> 1:29:45.599 you know, we got to get john Cy to come 1:29:45.600 --> 1:29:48.720 and speak. We got to get her to speak. I 1:29:48.760 --> 1:29:51.280 want to, you know, talk to John c. She's the head. 1:29:51.520 --> 1:29:54.559 She can help me. Oh yeah, sure. 1:29:54.800 --> 1:29:55.280 And like. 1:29:57.439 --> 1:30:00.080 Do brand audits and all this stuff. And I'm like, 1:30:00.200 --> 1:30:01.400 this is this is charge. 1:30:01.479 --> 1:30:06.000 She wasn't even getting award. People was putting nominar for 1:30:06.120 --> 1:30:12.080 business and I'm like, oh it was, I mean it 1:30:12.160 --> 1:30:14.360 was it was Panda Commission, but it was her name. 1:30:14.479 --> 1:30:18.880 Yeah, And so you know, and then on top of that, 1:30:19.080 --> 1:30:22.240 I'm you know, trying to do things in the house, 1:30:22.320 --> 1:30:26.240 will be mommy and you know, take the kids here 1:30:26.280 --> 1:30:28.880 and there, and then you know, just trying to get 1:30:28.920 --> 1:30:33.160 back to rebuilding myself and you know, now we're on 1:30:33.200 --> 1:30:35.719 this weight loss journey. But I had to step away 1:30:35.720 --> 1:30:40.599 from Panda Commission in order to kind of revisit who 1:30:40.640 --> 1:30:44.080 I am and kind of think about what I want 1:30:44.120 --> 1:30:47.400 to do long term within the company outside of Panda, 1:30:47.880 --> 1:30:49.760 you know, as a mother, because now we're going to 1:30:49.880 --> 1:30:53.599 homeschool our kids. But I had I stepped away from 1:30:53.600 --> 1:30:56.400 Panda commission for like several months. 1:30:56.680 --> 1:31:00.040 Yeah, so you know, to be clear, it was just 1:31:00.080 --> 1:31:04.639 misalignment in a lot of different ways, and I wanted 1:31:04.760 --> 1:31:06.639 I want Johnson to be in the front. She's amazing 1:31:06.680 --> 1:31:10.519 at it. She brings attention, like like I can't. We 1:31:10.640 --> 1:31:13.360 tested this out in different ways, like literally, she would 1:31:13.360 --> 1:31:16.240 do a post that I may have wrote or we 1:31:16.280 --> 1:31:19.360 wrote together and posted, and I would do the same 1:31:19.360 --> 1:31:22.760 exact thing. Hers would blow up in a way and 1:31:22.840 --> 1:31:25.599 minus of crickets right, and we would do this various things. 1:31:25.640 --> 1:31:28.400 We kept testing this out and it was just notable. 1:31:28.479 --> 1:31:31.559 Like Okay, clearly you do want people want to see, right, 1:31:31.600 --> 1:31:34.040 so let's let's try to leverage that. And what happens 1:31:34.080 --> 1:31:36.040 is I think is really Johnsy's heart. You know, she's 1:31:36.280 --> 1:31:39.080 she wants to help, and so people were asking for help, 1:31:39.360 --> 1:31:41.479 and so she wanted to help, and so she would does. 1:31:41.360 --> 1:31:43.000 I see people, you know, And then I had with 1:31:43.040 --> 1:31:47.559 these blag websites, horrible branding and looking like a hot 1:31:47.600 --> 1:31:51.200 mess and I have a heart for black business because 1:31:51.200 --> 1:31:53.360 that's what I grew up around in New York. 1:31:53.240 --> 1:31:56.320 You know, and that's I feel like being a black 1:31:56.400 --> 1:31:59.360 business owner and helping other black business owners is a 1:31:59.360 --> 1:32:02.080 way of acting, just like education as a way of 1:32:02.120 --> 1:32:06.840 activismin this ministry. And so you know, that's how that's 1:32:06.880 --> 1:32:09.920 one way we can rebuild our community as black people. 1:32:10.280 --> 1:32:13.160 And so you know, it hurts my heart when I 1:32:13.200 --> 1:32:17.759 see that. I'll be talking about it. And so she 1:32:18.160 --> 1:32:23.760 looked at website. We'll get you right, we get you right. 1:32:26.760 --> 1:32:30.240 She's I feel so bad. I was like, I'm sorry, 1:32:30.240 --> 1:32:33.600 this is about it's about commission. 1:32:34.479 --> 1:32:34.919 Commission. 1:32:37.400 --> 1:32:39.759 So she'd be saying stuff, and the thing was because 1:32:39.800 --> 1:32:42.519 she was you know, uh, you know, being seen as 1:32:42.520 --> 1:32:45.240 the co founder or as the leader, everything she said 1:32:45.280 --> 1:32:48.080 was pretty much gospel. So when she would say certain things, 1:32:48.640 --> 1:32:51.320 you know, I had to back it up as a company. 1:32:51.560 --> 1:32:53.120 But there were some things that she said that that 1:32:53.240 --> 1:32:55.400 wasn't in alignment in terms of how we actually operated 1:32:55.479 --> 1:32:58.160 or how things were actually done. And so it got 1:32:58.200 --> 1:33:00.360 to a point where, you know, and I tell her, 1:33:00.360 --> 1:33:02.200 I was like, okay, if you if you're gonna do that, 1:33:02.520 --> 1:33:05.200 if you're going to be that person, right because I 1:33:05.400 --> 1:33:07.719 went to you know, I went to Columbing Business coming 1:33:07.720 --> 1:33:11.680 to Columbia Business School, I finished the Chief Marketing Officer program. 1:33:11.760 --> 1:33:15.040 When I first started to do this work, I immediately 1:33:15.040 --> 1:33:17.839 went to school like I didn't like just like a principle, 1:33:17.880 --> 1:33:19.679 like you know, I'm like, okay, I could teach some people, 1:33:19.680 --> 1:33:22.360 but let me make sure i'm educated. Make sure I'm 1:33:22.400 --> 1:33:24.800 educated by the best too. So going to Columbing Business 1:33:24.800 --> 1:33:27.759 School and actually like learning how marketing works and branding 1:33:27.760 --> 1:33:29.840 and all this stuff works, I'm approaching it from a 1:33:29.880 --> 1:33:32.519 different lens. And so I didn't mind her, you know, 1:33:32.880 --> 1:33:35.559 representing us, but I wanted her to represent us to 1:33:35.640 --> 1:33:37.759 the fools and not just be all you know, emotion 1:33:37.920 --> 1:33:40.559 or how she ever she was feeling. Because she said, hey, 1:33:40.880 --> 1:33:42.479 yeah we could do that, and we could do this, 1:33:42.560 --> 1:33:45.880 and yeah you haven't done next week, and I'd be like, whoa, whoa, 1:33:46.040 --> 1:33:48.400 you don't know that we got like four other projects. 1:33:48.400 --> 1:33:50.200 You ain't no way I could deliver that, or if 1:33:50.200 --> 1:33:52.280 I did, it would be like super stressful for everybody. 1:33:52.720 --> 1:33:55.400 So I just wanted that alignment. And so we were 1:33:55.400 --> 1:33:57.720 having some trouble with that because John Cy, she's a 1:33:57.760 --> 1:33:58.360 feeling person. 1:33:58.360 --> 1:33:59.080 So she didn't want to. 1:33:59.280 --> 1:34:01.000 She didn't want me to botto her in in terms 1:34:01.000 --> 1:34:02.880 of be like, hey, don't say that, don't say this, 1:34:03.040 --> 1:34:05.920 don't say that, you know, and I don't want to 1:34:05.960 --> 1:34:07.240 do that. But then at the time, I was like, 1:34:07.280 --> 1:34:10.120 you have to understand, like there's real action that happens 1:34:10.200 --> 1:34:12.720 when you speak, so when you say things or even 1:34:12.760 --> 1:34:15.040 a promotion sometimes she wanted to do it was an 1:34:15.040 --> 1:34:16.880 amazing idea, but I was like, we did that promotion 1:34:17.000 --> 1:34:19.840 right now, and let's say we had ten people sign 1:34:19.920 --> 1:34:22.240 up today and they expecting it. 1:34:22.320 --> 1:34:25.160 We said it'd be done in five days. Ten people like, 1:34:25.240 --> 1:34:26.120 ain't no way. 1:34:26.360 --> 1:34:27.840 And so I would have to put a pause on 1:34:27.880 --> 1:34:30.360 that because you know, we couldn't fulfill that. And the 1:34:30.400 --> 1:34:32.479 thing is, you know, part of your brand is your fulfillment, 1:34:32.560 --> 1:34:34.800 right can you deliver on what you what you said? 1:34:35.120 --> 1:34:36.720 And so I wanted us to have more alignment. And 1:34:36.760 --> 1:34:39.080 so since we couldn't really connect on that in a 1:34:39.120 --> 1:34:41.559 way that that I felt like, I guess we both 1:34:41.560 --> 1:34:43.920 were frustrated because we didn't really see each other, you 1:34:43.920 --> 1:34:46.120 know each other's point at the time, we had to 1:34:46.160 --> 1:34:48.200 do that separation. Well, so we say we had a 1:34:48.240 --> 1:34:51.160 separation in business right, our marriage were strong. This is 1:34:51.240 --> 1:34:53.200 funny thing that happened is that as soon as we 1:34:53.520 --> 1:34:56.479 separated in business right, Johnson was no longer doing things. 1:34:56.560 --> 1:34:58.040 She even went goest online for a while. 1:34:58.120 --> 1:35:01.560 No, I deleted all my social media. Yes, I was done. 1:35:01.400 --> 1:35:05.080 She was like, I've checked out. We actually had a 1:35:05.160 --> 1:35:08.840 really great time in terms of our marriage, like it could, 1:35:08.880 --> 1:35:10.760 you know, because before we would you know, getting little, 1:35:10.840 --> 1:35:13.680 you know, discussions about the business that weren't really you know, 1:35:13.880 --> 1:35:15.920 feeling good. But then once we got back to just 1:35:15.960 --> 1:35:18.800 being us, it was amazing, right, And so then we 1:35:18.840 --> 1:35:21.280 had to really think about it. It's like, okay, is 1:35:21.320 --> 1:35:23.599 this you know, like we got to really figure out 1:35:23.680 --> 1:35:26.160 how can we do this at the same time, because 1:35:26.479 --> 1:35:29.200 one thing that did happen when she was absent was that, 1:35:30.200 --> 1:35:33.280 you know, we were pretty much absent online, right, because 1:35:33.320 --> 1:35:35.360 she is a person that brings the attention. So I 1:35:35.720 --> 1:35:38.240 need her and I need her ideas. And so I 1:35:38.280 --> 1:35:40.440 think now we're at a place now where she understands 1:35:40.479 --> 1:35:43.800 that fulfillment has to connect with ideas, Execution has to 1:35:43.840 --> 1:35:46.840 connect with vision. It can't just be all, you know, 1:35:46.880 --> 1:35:49.720 we just gonna do conquer the world and there's no 1:35:49.800 --> 1:35:51.920 actual plan in execution on how to do that. 1:35:52.200 --> 1:35:55.000 And so now so now her position is brand ambassador, 1:35:55.280 --> 1:35:59.240 correct perfect correct, perfectly with what she enjoys doing, what 1:35:59.479 --> 1:36:03.200 she loves doing, and she can open up social media. 1:36:03.000 --> 1:36:03.519 Back up. 1:36:05.880 --> 1:36:11.519 Last weekend, first week and I've been back, welcome back, 1:36:13.040 --> 1:36:14.479 welcome back to thank you. 1:36:14.920 --> 1:36:17.360 Yes, And I think learning from. 1:36:19.040 --> 1:36:21.200 I think learning from this too, Like I know, I 1:36:21.200 --> 1:36:22.679 got to get out of her way when it comes 1:36:22.720 --> 1:36:22.920 to that. 1:36:23.320 --> 1:36:26.759 It's a balance, just like leaning into each other's guests 1:36:26.840 --> 1:36:29.800 is what it is. Because you know, I have the 1:36:29.840 --> 1:36:32.680 gift of being the extrovert and having all these ideas, 1:36:32.840 --> 1:36:35.880 but I can't execute. Yeah, you know, I need him 1:36:36.200 --> 1:36:38.120 in order to execute on all those things. 1:36:38.560 --> 1:36:40.200 And the same thing, you know, like me, I don't 1:36:40.200 --> 1:36:42.040 think of all those different things in terms of like 1:36:42.400 --> 1:36:44.400 I mean, she's got amazing ideas, and I'm all right, 1:36:44.479 --> 1:36:46.120 let's okay, we can't do five of those things. We 1:36:46.160 --> 1:36:48.639 could do one, you know, like it, give me, give 1:36:48.640 --> 1:36:50.080 me some time, and we do that one and let's 1:36:50.120 --> 1:36:51.960 move on to the next one. But I need her 1:36:52.000 --> 1:36:53.960 for that because she has amazing ideas. 1:36:54.160 --> 1:36:55.360 That's good, that's good. 1:36:55.800 --> 1:36:58.840 Well, here's a part of the podcast where you grab 1:36:58.920 --> 1:37:02.920 that box. Y'all grabbed that box. Take the whole box 1:37:02.920 --> 1:37:06.360 as a marker and a key and a piece of paper. 1:37:06.720 --> 1:37:10.559 I want y'all individually to write a key to love. 1:37:12.200 --> 1:37:16.080 Write a key to love. Ask you what you think? 1:37:16.240 --> 1:37:19.760 What do you think about this episode? Well, and y'all 1:37:19.760 --> 1:37:22.000 can use the boxing, write and keep the box. Yeah, 1:37:22.360 --> 1:37:23.960 y'all can write on top of it. 1:37:24.600 --> 1:37:28.880 I loved it. You know, I did teach for America. 1:37:29.680 --> 1:37:30.839 I did teach for America. 1:37:30.920 --> 1:37:33.000 So of course the conversation is near and dear to 1:37:33.040 --> 1:37:36.719 my heart. It's not every day you meet like minded people. 1:37:37.120 --> 1:37:40.640 You know. My motto is when thinking about. 1:37:40.360 --> 1:37:44.000 Teaching or educating that if they don't learn the way 1:37:44.040 --> 1:37:46.080 we teach, we need to teach the way. 1:37:45.920 --> 1:37:46.599 That they learn. 1:37:47.160 --> 1:37:49.280 And a lot of people say that's doing too much, 1:37:49.560 --> 1:37:52.600 like here's my curriculum. They just need to kind of 1:37:52.640 --> 1:37:54.639 get on board. And you know, but when he talks 1:37:54.640 --> 1:37:58.880 about like differentiated instruction and how they meet the needs 1:37:58.920 --> 1:38:01.800 of their kids, it's like, I think that every kid 1:38:01.920 --> 1:38:07.479 deserves that level of like just support, right, and so 1:38:07.680 --> 1:38:11.720 meeting them where they are learning, taking the time to 1:38:11.840 --> 1:38:15.120 learn how they learn, to set them up for success, 1:38:15.360 --> 1:38:17.479 So hearing that, of course, and then just knowing that 1:38:17.520 --> 1:38:21.880 they're from the West Coast, which is the best coast, 1:38:22.320 --> 1:38:24.680 you know, the West Coast, and then just seeing how 1:38:24.680 --> 1:38:29.200 they went through all of these seasons together and then 1:38:29.800 --> 1:38:33.320 you know today now they have this thriving business and 1:38:33.360 --> 1:38:36.720 they are working out what it looks like to you know, 1:38:36.800 --> 1:38:41.080 work together it through different iterations of their you know 1:38:41.200 --> 1:38:44.320 marriage and then of their business marriage. So I just 1:38:44.360 --> 1:38:47.639 think it's really beautiful to see that evolution and how 1:38:47.640 --> 1:38:52.680 they take their strengths and perceived weaknesses and then you know, 1:38:53.320 --> 1:38:56.080 use them together to create something special. 1:38:56.439 --> 1:39:01.320 Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. I'm not going to say nothing. I'll 1:39:01.360 --> 1:39:04.040 let you talk. What you said was just great. I 1:39:04.080 --> 1:39:06.280 said everything in the interview and you summed it up. 1:39:06.400 --> 1:39:09.200 I said that last week and you said, but you 1:39:09.320 --> 1:39:09.599 did you. 1:39:09.520 --> 1:39:11.679 Tell me I talk a lot during the interview. 1:39:11.760 --> 1:39:12.400 I talked a lot. 1:39:13.080 --> 1:39:13.960 No, not more than me. 1:39:14.320 --> 1:39:15.760 Okay, no more. 1:39:15.880 --> 1:39:20.000 Here's more so you you you summed it up perfectly 1:39:20.320 --> 1:39:22.840 and everything you said. And while they were talking about 1:39:22.880 --> 1:39:26.880 teaching the kid john Z teaching the sons how to 1:39:27.320 --> 1:39:29.360 read that too, I said, that's the Ashley thing. 1:39:29.479 --> 1:39:31.439 Yes it is. I told him I said, you have 1:39:31.600 --> 1:39:33.400 no idea. Like one of my. 1:39:33.400 --> 1:39:36.439 Pet peeves is people look at kids and they'll say, oh, 1:39:36.479 --> 1:39:38.880 he just he's too young to know any better. And 1:39:38.920 --> 1:39:42.800 I'm like, you don't know how smart kids are. Like 1:39:42.880 --> 1:39:45.680 that's what made me a successful kindergarten teachers. I used 1:39:45.720 --> 1:39:48.680 to talk to my kids like they were teenager, Like 1:39:48.720 --> 1:39:49.960 I don't baby them. 1:39:50.000 --> 1:39:50.800 I talked to them. 1:39:50.840 --> 1:39:53.760 I teach them, I have conversations with them, and then 1:39:53.800 --> 1:39:57.120 you realize how smart like kids really are. So that 1:39:57.240 --> 1:40:00.360 really was close to my heart because my kid will 1:40:00.400 --> 1:40:01.680 be doing that too. 1:40:04.400 --> 1:40:07.599 You're to tell them where you talk. I did, but 1:40:07.680 --> 1:40:09.479 the school. But what city? 1:40:09.880 --> 1:40:12.320 Oh, Bedsty, Brooklyn, New York. 1:40:12.400 --> 1:40:13.799 Yeah, she was out there in Bestue. 1:40:14.240 --> 1:40:16.280 She used to say, Bedsty do or die. 1:40:16.360 --> 1:40:20.280 Yes, I lived in Bedsty for a while when my 1:40:20.320 --> 1:40:24.080 mom was working at a newspaper there. And it's you know, 1:40:24.360 --> 1:40:26.639 there was when I was growing up. There was nothing 1:40:26.960 --> 1:40:30.519 like uncommon schools for kids you know out there, and 1:40:30.560 --> 1:40:33.559 it's just there's such a need. There's such a need, 1:40:33.640 --> 1:40:35.760 because I agree with you. When I was doing the 1:40:35.800 --> 1:40:41.000 preschool seeing kids, they're already set in their personalities by 1:40:41.040 --> 1:40:44.680 the age. People don't understand that when kids are toddlers, 1:40:45.000 --> 1:40:47.720 you know, there were born with our personalities and it 1:40:47.800 --> 1:40:52.639 develops over time. And just seeing kids, you know, click 1:40:52.680 --> 1:40:56.040 when something clicks with them, and how their capacity to 1:40:56.160 --> 1:41:00.639 learn and their passion to learn is like, people don't 1:41:00.640 --> 1:41:01.719 really understand that. 1:41:01.800 --> 1:41:04.120 And the other kids that we brought in, Johnson was 1:41:04.120 --> 1:41:06.639 teaching them too. I mean they came in not even 1:41:06.680 --> 1:41:10.000 knowing any of the letters, not knowing much of anything, 1:41:10.320 --> 1:41:13.360 and left us, you know, reading, you know, she was 1:41:13.439 --> 1:41:15.639 able to replicate it and and and people ask how 1:41:15.680 --> 1:41:19.080 and why. Honestly, what it is is high expectations. Yep, 1:41:19.680 --> 1:41:23.000 you know. Expectations are self fufilming prophecies. Right, So what'd 1:41:23.000 --> 1:41:25.760 you do with your little key there? Right here? 1:41:27.160 --> 1:41:31.120 She got? 1:41:31.200 --> 1:41:32.760 But real quick, before we move on, I just want 1:41:32.760 --> 1:41:36.720 to say, because I think there's a misconception or misunderstanding 1:41:36.840 --> 1:41:39.719 rather about charter schools. 1:41:39.800 --> 1:41:42.519 And I love what you said. There was nothing like that. 1:41:42.960 --> 1:41:45.639 And I know sometimes people say charter schools are trying 1:41:45.640 --> 1:41:50.120 to privatize education, and it gets real political. But I 1:41:50.800 --> 1:41:54.000 just think, and I'm not talking about every charter school, 1:41:54.680 --> 1:41:57.120 but I just want people to hear that there are 1:41:57.320 --> 1:41:59.800 a lot of good charter schools. That started with the 1:42:00.160 --> 1:42:06.880 tension of providing alternative options to failing schools in neighborhoods 1:42:06.920 --> 1:42:11.280 and communities that had been forgotten about and underserved, and 1:42:11.320 --> 1:42:16.680 no one was thinking about creating better options in a 1:42:16.720 --> 1:42:21.320 lot of our neighborhoods, and so not everybody gets it right. 1:42:21.760 --> 1:42:24.960 There are some bad charter schools, But I just want 1:42:25.040 --> 1:42:28.280 to celebrate those charter schools that are in those neighborhoods, 1:42:28.280 --> 1:42:31.280 serving our communities that have been forgotten about and who 1:42:31.560 --> 1:42:33.799 have the heart of what you said for our kids, 1:42:33.840 --> 1:42:36.040 because that's so important. 1:42:36.360 --> 1:42:38.160 So go ahead and read what's on those key to love. 1:42:38.280 --> 1:42:39.080 Thanks for sharing that. 1:42:39.080 --> 1:42:42.160 All right, you don't get me all passion should for 1:42:42.240 --> 1:42:43.000 charter school. 1:42:44.640 --> 1:42:46.840 She was talking. I was like, oh, she needs to 1:42:47.320 --> 1:42:49.480 go ahead and your education. 1:42:50.600 --> 1:42:53.160 It's near and dear to my heart, I have no 1:42:53.280 --> 1:42:53.880 free time. 1:42:56.360 --> 1:42:59.719 So I wrote the key. The key to a successful 1:42:59.760 --> 1:43:02.280 mayriorgriage is leading into each other's gifts. 1:43:02.800 --> 1:43:03.479 That's perfect. 1:43:03.560 --> 1:43:05.799 That's good because that's how our marriage is let. 1:43:07.120 --> 1:43:10.160 And I wrote, if you want to improve your marriage, 1:43:10.439 --> 1:43:12.280 improve yourself perfect. 1:43:12.680 --> 1:43:16.120 Well said, do you mind if c J c J 1:43:16.280 --> 1:43:20.000 makes a cameo he walking and walking here J hit 1:43:20.080 --> 1:43:25.240 camera four and walking here and wave after I can see. 1:43:25.080 --> 1:43:27.439 You with That's the whole time. 1:43:28.160 --> 1:43:34.600 You come on, buddy, come on, shy. 1:43:33.880 --> 1:43:34.280 Come on. 1:43:34.520 --> 1:43:36.719 A moment I said, I hope you didn't fall asleep. 1:43:41.479 --> 1:43:53.160 Look cool now yeah, your head off, listen, man, Thank 1:43:53.240 --> 1:43:57.000 y'all so much. Y'all did a fantastic job. How can 1:43:57.000 --> 1:43:58.000 people connect with y'all? 1:43:58.720 --> 1:44:02.280 So they can go to panic dot com spelled just 1:44:02.320 --> 1:44:05.760 like I said, Panda and commission. They can also go 1:44:05.840 --> 1:44:10.280 to our instagrams or Facebook. Actually I am I am 1:44:10.400 --> 1:44:12.400 Charles McGill on Facebook. 1:44:12.600 --> 1:44:16.360 And at missus john Cy across all platforms, across all 1:44:16.360 --> 1:44:23.559 platform Also check out our podcast because we're come sit 1:44:26.560 --> 1:44:34.840 entrepreneurship and hearty turn around about that Mike, he doesn't 1:44:34.840 --> 1:44:40.680 even understand. You don't know nothing about He wants to 1:44:40.680 --> 1:44:41.360 be a YouTuber. 1:44:41.640 --> 1:44:45.160 So yeah, so they've been so they drove here from 1:44:45.280 --> 1:44:50.479 Atlanta twelve hours yesterday's about twelve hours, right, twelve hours yesterday, 1:44:50.960 --> 1:44:53.960 and and they've been tugging it. 1:44:54.000 --> 1:44:56.479 They've been trying to see who can stay up the latest. 1:44:57.560 --> 1:44:59.320 I know they had a challenge. 1:44:59.560 --> 1:44:59.880 I don't. 1:45:00.200 --> 1:45:03.160 He woke me up at like four so and. 1:45:03.040 --> 1:45:07.720 Then he was sleepwalking right. 1:45:09.640 --> 1:45:12.120 Right up here. You don't realize you all on this camera. 1:45:13.479 --> 1:45:17.040 I wanted to also mention check out our podcast because 1:45:17.520 --> 1:45:21.439 you know, Charles is a great educator and one of 1:45:21.439 --> 1:45:23.679 the things that we wanted to do is educate more 1:45:23.680 --> 1:45:27.040 people about branding. So if you go to YouTube, it's 1:45:27.200 --> 1:45:31.400 brand Currency and you can just learn a little bit 1:45:31.400 --> 1:45:34.599 more about what a successful brand takes. 1:45:34.720 --> 1:45:38.080 Good good. It's also available on Apple podcasts and everywhere 1:45:38.080 --> 1:45:39.320 you listen to your audio path. 1:45:39.640 --> 1:45:43.880 Yes so good, good Malcolm. 1:45:43.560 --> 1:45:45.280 Malcolm, say hi to everybody. 1:45:46.600 --> 1:45:50.599 All right, go back, just go back to sleep. You good, 1:45:50.600 --> 1:45:51.360 it's your show. 1:45:51.920 --> 1:45:55.280 You never had any kids on with their parents. 1:45:54.400 --> 1:45:59.360 The first time my grand baby, my grand baby Claire, 1:46:00.160 --> 1:46:02.519 I mean well last week since we recorded this will 1:46:02.520 --> 1:46:06.719 probably airing about three weeks. But yeah, it was first 1:46:06.720 --> 1:46:11.080 time have my little brand baby and I had it 1:46:11.120 --> 1:46:14.240 was a daughter in season two or three or something. 1:46:15.520 --> 1:46:17.280 Thing came off a little bit and walked off as 1:46:17.280 --> 1:46:21.000 a single father and he married. Now, but I was like, hey, 1:46:21.760 --> 1:46:24.120 package deal, I think that was the named episode package 1:46:24.160 --> 1:46:24.719 Deal or something. 1:46:25.479 --> 1:46:26.880 But listen, thank y'all so much. 1:46:26.960 --> 1:46:29.559 Make sure y'all go out and go to a YouTube 1:46:29.680 --> 1:46:32.200 channel and support their podcast. 1:46:32.280 --> 1:46:33.160 Brand Currency. 1:46:33.600 --> 1:46:36.479 It's available everywhere you listen to your favorite podcast, So 1:46:36.640 --> 1:46:40.120 make sure that y'all subscribed to their channel and listen. 1:46:40.200 --> 1:46:41.840 I just want to just thank y'all for the work 1:46:41.840 --> 1:46:46.200 that y'all been doing. Building business is great, but building 1:46:46.200 --> 1:46:49.600 the family is even greater. And so ask and I 1:46:49.720 --> 1:46:53.920 salute you. I'm being intentional about this word family and 1:46:53.960 --> 1:46:57.640 the importance of family, and so salute to y'all. So 1:46:57.800 --> 1:47:00.439 may the love you shared today outlived the sea year in, 1:47:01.040 --> 1:47:01.920 may carry. 1:47:01.640 --> 1:47:03.639 You through the days when words are. 1:47:03.560 --> 1:47:06.479 Few and faith has to do the talking. Y'all give 1:47:06.520 --> 1:47:09.360 it up for the mcgills, y'all. You do, so, thank y'all. 1:47:10.400 --> 1:47:15.920 Ladarian rusted suddenly into child protective services in twenty fifteen. 1:47:16.160 --> 1:47:18.800 My nephew, black a boy. 1:47:19.400 --> 1:47:24.439 The likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship, slim to none. Rmione, 1:47:25.200 --> 1:47:29.240 sixteen years old, black a boy with five years in 1:47:29.280 --> 1:47:31.679 the false care system before I even knew his name. 1:47:32.479 --> 1:47:34.480 The likelihood have ever been adopted? 1:47:35.400 --> 1:47:37.840 Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none. 1:47:39.320 --> 1:47:42.320 While Ladarian and OURMIONI were trying to survive and barely 1:47:42.400 --> 1:47:45.840 thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system, I 1:47:45.920 --> 1:47:49.240 was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been 1:47:49.280 --> 1:47:51.479 a single father with a daughter who at that point 1:47:51.520 --> 1:47:53.920 was doing well in college. It was my time to 1:47:53.960 --> 1:47:54.800 live my life right. 1:47:55.880 --> 1:47:56.160 Wrong. 1:47:57.240 --> 1:48:03.080 I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just two many 1:48:03.240 --> 1:48:06.680 of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the 1:48:06.760 --> 1:48:10.160 limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I 1:48:10.240 --> 1:48:14.160 legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast forward to twenty nineteen. 1:48:14.200 --> 1:48:16.360 I had no ties to this other young king, but 1:48:16.400 --> 1:48:19.000 I felt God instructed me to adopt them also, and 1:48:19.040 --> 1:48:23.120 I o bate. Starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right, 1:48:23.200 --> 1:48:25.960 Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help 1:48:26.000 --> 1:48:29.080 bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the 1:48:29.120 --> 1:48:32.200 Falster care system should have decreased my agitation. 1:48:32.360 --> 1:48:32.559 Right. 1:48:33.280 --> 1:48:35.880 Joining the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and 1:48:36.080 --> 1:48:39.560 organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in 1:48:39.600 --> 1:48:42.160 false care should have led to some type of resolve. 1:48:42.240 --> 1:48:42.439 Right. 1:48:42.840 --> 1:48:46.920 No, not at all. None of it felt like I 1:48:47.000 --> 1:48:51.559 had done enough. I now realized that every one of 1:48:51.560 --> 1:48:55.759 those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission. 1:48:56.680 --> 1:48:59.080 Kingdom Royal, Kingdom. 1:48:58.840 --> 1:49:00.840 Royal would be a lucky to re state of the 1:49:00.960 --> 1:49:04.240 art home for foster boys. Our first location will be 1:49:04.280 --> 1:49:07.400 in the Dallas Fortward Metroplex. We will utilize the whole 1:49:07.439 --> 1:49:12.120 person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves, 1:49:12.280 --> 1:49:16.479 and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that 1:49:16.520 --> 1:49:21.120 they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will attend 1:49:21.120 --> 1:49:23.800 the local public schools that are in proximity the King 1:49:23.880 --> 1:49:27.720 of Royale, our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview 1:49:27.720 --> 1:49:31.719 through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning 1:49:31.760 --> 1:49:35.960 about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and 1:49:36.040 --> 1:49:40.720 even relevant historical contexts, introducing them to gardening and landscaping, 1:49:40.800 --> 1:49:44.080 and even caring for our animals on our form and 1:49:44.200 --> 1:49:48.599 on site stables. We just launched our startup capital campaign 1:49:48.800 --> 1:49:51.000 with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars. 1:49:51.000 --> 1:49:52.479 Now why two point eight million dollars? 1:49:53.280 --> 1:49:53.439 Well. 1:49:53.479 --> 1:49:55.840 In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which 1:49:55.880 --> 1:49:59.799 I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community. 1:50:00.080 --> 1:50:02.320 One of the most notable successes was that one of 1:50:02.320 --> 1:50:06.719 the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. 1:50:07.160 --> 1:50:08.280 However, one of. 1:50:08.200 --> 1:50:10.639 My biggest regrets is that I didn't raise a single 1:50:10.720 --> 1:50:14.000 dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable plan for 1:50:14.040 --> 1:50:18.639 the homeless community. So throughout the years, with much remorse, 1:50:19.080 --> 1:50:21.960 I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment. I knew 1:50:22.160 --> 1:50:24.920 if at that time just ten percent of the viewers 1:50:24.960 --> 1:50:28.360 donated one dollar, we would have raised at least two 1:50:28.360 --> 1:50:31.760 point eight million dollars that could have really established long 1:50:31.840 --> 1:50:35.040 term support for the homeless community, or at least started 1:50:35.080 --> 1:50:38.960 a long term initiative to do so. This is my 1:50:39.080 --> 1:50:43.200 do over, this is our new beginning. Together, we can 1:50:43.240 --> 1:50:47.160 attack this at the route by specifically helping our homeless 1:50:47.200 --> 1:50:51.839 Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in the American 1:50:51.840 --> 1:50:55.800 fossil care system. I'm the Terra Sarwickfield. I've been nominated 1:50:55.840 --> 1:50:58.879 for three regional Emmys documenting my work with the homeless 1:50:59.000 --> 1:51:02.920 as well as my personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades, 1:51:03.520 --> 1:51:07.800 the greatest award for me is truly providing the infrastructure 1:51:08.040 --> 1:51:13.160 for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details, 1:51:13.720 --> 1:51:24.120 Crown a king and make a donation today. I hope 1:51:24.160 --> 1:51:26.919 you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI Podcast. 1:51:27.040 --> 1:51:32.559 Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving. 1:51:33.000 --> 1:51:35.320 Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife you 1:51:35.320 --> 1:51:39.160 YouTube channels. We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, 1:51:39.200 --> 1:51:39.719 and Stitcher. 1:51:39.960 --> 1:51:42.800 You welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your 1:51:42.800 --> 1:51:43.519 friends and family.