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Speaker 1: We are in the ship at b C. I oh,

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Speaker 1: come on, praise the Lord my name? So will Johnson?

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Speaker 1: Come on and give him glory? We're not What about

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Speaker 1: La Terryce? This is my show.

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Speaker 2: I'm kidding sis a gleanings. How did y'all meet? We

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Speaker 2: were friends? Actually she was in another relationship.

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Speaker 1: You took that woman from that man, and you up

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Speaker 1: here preaching.

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Speaker 2: I did. If she could be taken, she wasn't had.

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Speaker 1: Seen the Greek had me.

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Speaker 2: She had no ring, she had no ring. He had

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Speaker 2: good intentions.

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Speaker 3: But if she could be taken, she wasn't had caryer

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Speaker 3: And these four years have been single?

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Speaker 2: Have you dated? Yes? And what has your experience been

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Speaker 2: like for you to give that gasp?

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Speaker 4: Y'all be dating. It's trash, it's trash, it's awful, But

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Speaker 4: I truly believe that it's purposeful.

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Speaker 2: So doublas.

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Speaker 3: If guy presented your wife to you today, you would

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Speaker 3: be married to her within the next two years.

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Speaker 5: If I were to find the right one, if we're

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Speaker 5: equally yo, I'll get married this year.

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Speaker 2: When was your last serious relationship? What you mean by serious?

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Speaker 3: I don't know what you tell me to talk to

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Speaker 3: the blacks. What made you ask her to marry you.

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Speaker 6: Whenever we started dating, I knew I wanted to marry it.

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Speaker 6: It was just a part of me getting means.

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Speaker 2: A lot of times women may look at that as

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Speaker 2: an excuse.

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Speaker 3: If God introduced you to the love of your life,

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Speaker 3: would you accept the ring from him if it was

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Speaker 3: only one hundred.

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Speaker 2: And fifty dollars? Yes, So we're going to just jump

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Speaker 2: right on in there.

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Speaker 3: And then, Tianna, how has these day the streets been

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Speaker 3: treating you?

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Speaker 7: Honestly, I've dated, I've been engaged before. I'm in my thirties.

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Speaker 7: I'm also a version, so I'm waiting to marriage and

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Speaker 7: celebrate that.

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Speaker 2: Will hold on for you?

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Speaker 1: Ask me anything, y'all bet a booties married people like

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Speaker 1: y'all booing us single people?

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Speaker 2: Okay? Will you desire marriage? I do.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely love the thought of taking care of someone else.

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Speaker 8: I love that.

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Speaker 2: So I lived my life like I am married.

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Speaker 3: Explain what started as a search for understanding became a

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Speaker 3: journey of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me

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Speaker 3: to this day. The day I got married, November the

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Speaker 3: twenty second, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 9: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 9: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 9: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 3: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 3: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are

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Speaker 3: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition

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Speaker 3: of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 9: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 9: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 3: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 3: I'm the Terisaar.

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Speaker 10: Whitfield Ashley are with film.

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Speaker 9: Welcome to What's Up?

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Speaker 3: What's up? How y'all doing? Oh y'all in here today?

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Speaker 2: Huh? Listen?

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Dear Future WiFi podcast. I'm your host Lttera

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Speaker 3: Sar Wifield. Are you still shacking up with us? If

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Speaker 3: you're still shacking up with us, come on, can we

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Speaker 3: get a commitment? Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make

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Speaker 3: sure you turn on your notification bells. You'll be notified

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Speaker 3: about upcoming episodes.

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Speaker 2: We are in the shah at BC. I how y'all doing? Listen?

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Speaker 3: Man, this is I've heard that this has been going

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Speaker 3: absolutely fantastic, and so we've curated an amazing group of panelists.

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Speaker 3: Before we get started, I want to make sure that

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Speaker 3: y'all get the book, Student of Love.

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Speaker 2: Throw the graphic up on the screen. Student of Love.

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Speaker 3: It's your guide to discover, uncover, and recover healthy relationships.

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Speaker 3: And so I'll be out in the lobby to sell

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Speaker 3: the books, sign, autograph the book, and hugging next and

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Speaker 3: show my appreciation of y'all for rocking with me for

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Speaker 3: the last six years. How y'all feeling, yeah, So listen,

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Speaker 3: we're gonna jump right on in. We're gonna introduce our

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Speaker 3: amazing group of panelists. We're gonna start from my right

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Speaker 3: and we're gonna go all the way around. Start with

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Speaker 3: my brother, Dallas.

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Speaker 2: What's going on all y'all doing? My name is Dallas.

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Speaker 3: You see trying to talk all sex, and you see

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Speaker 3: what you're doing already, trying to talk all sex.

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Speaker 2: Go ahead, then, Dallas.

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Speaker 5: Yes, sir, my name is Dallas Jones. I live in Atlanta, Georgia.

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Speaker 5: I'm twenty seven and I'm glad.

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Speaker 2: To be here. All right.

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Speaker 11: Hello, my name is Erica Glenn. I am the wife

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Speaker 11: of pastor Jermalon Glenn. We've been married for twenty one years.

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Speaker 2: I'm Jermome Glenn. I'm Erica's husband. Oh, come on, praise

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Speaker 2: the Lord. My name so.

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Speaker 1: Will Johnson come on and give him glory?

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Speaker 8: What not?

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Speaker 2: Worried about La Terrance? This is my show. I'm kidding.

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Speaker 1: My name is Will Johnson, Holst and creative choir, rehearsal

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Speaker 1: with friends.

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Speaker 2: Give it up for go ahead, Queen.

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Speaker 4: My name is cary A Pace and that's all I got.

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Speaker 12: I just love the Lord.

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Speaker 4: My name is Carye Pace.

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Speaker 13: I'm nervous just a little bit. Okay, that's okay, girl,

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Speaker 13: that's okay.

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Speaker 8: Hey, y'all.

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Speaker 4: My name is Hayley Black.

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Speaker 2: How y'all doing tonight Chicago?

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Speaker 6: I've always gonna say that, and i' and I'm on

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Speaker 6: Darius Black.

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Speaker 8: I am the funny half of Beefing with the Blacks.

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Speaker 4: Oh for me, y'all.

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Speaker 7: My name is Tiana Clark. I am a sergeant in

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Speaker 7: the Army. I'm also a former Miss California, USA.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, so we're gonna just jump right on in there.

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Speaker 3: And then, Tiana, how has these Dayton streets been treating you?

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Speaker 2: Or how have you been treating these dating streets.

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Speaker 7: Man, I would say the dating streets have been teaching

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Speaker 7: me a lot about discernment and patience. I've really been

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Speaker 7: allowing God to just lead me in this season. It's

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Speaker 7: definitely because I've obviously I've dated, I've been engaged before.

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Speaker 7: I'm in a season of purity right now. I'm also

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Speaker 7: in my thirties. I'm also a version, so I'm waiting

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Speaker 7: to marriage, you know, so I have There's a lot

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Speaker 7: that you know, I can speak on in regards to

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Speaker 7: just my my walk in general. I'm also currently writing

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Speaker 7: my second book that's called Uncompromise, so I'll be speaking

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Speaker 7: about purity, dating and just being uncompromised in you know,

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Speaker 7: in the modeling world as well, because I've done modeling

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Speaker 7: as well, So just being uncompromised as believers when it

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Speaker 7: comes to in uncertain settings.

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Speaker 3: Maybe ask you, just Tianna, with the world being what

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Speaker 3: it is and how sex has always been so sensational lives,

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Speaker 3: and I'll go as far to say, normalize, why have

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Speaker 3: you taken such a stand protecting your virginity?

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Speaker 13: For me, it goes back to God's design.

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Speaker 7: I as I've developed my relationship with the Lord, I

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Speaker 7: just realized how good of a father he is. And

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Speaker 7: I've come to just understand the reason why he tells us,

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Speaker 7: you know what's best for us. It doesn't come from

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Speaker 7: an authoritative place, but it's more so he is my

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Speaker 7: loving father, and I've come to understand that what he

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Speaker 7: what he tells me, what he says in his word,

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Speaker 7: is for my good. And I've just come to understand that,

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Speaker 7: you know, God's way is the best way.

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Speaker 13: Like I've tried.

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Speaker 7: Doing things my way before, whether it's in dating, whether

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Speaker 7: it's jobs, whether it's in hollywoods I'm from California, so

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Speaker 7: whatever it is, like it doesn't work, So.

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Speaker 13: It's not it's not fulfilling.

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Speaker 7: And so just knowing that God's way, especially in dating,

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Speaker 7: for me, it's it's definitely kept me on track.

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Speaker 3: And so I'll ask you this, and I'm gonna come

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Speaker 3: back to you a little later. But you've in Hollywood.

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Speaker 3: You understand the lifestyle out there, you understand the temptation

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Speaker 3: out there.

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Speaker 2: And you said you just moved into your thirties. How

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Speaker 2: old are you? I'm thirty one, thirty one, and.

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Speaker 3: You feel she must be thirty one two, and so

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Speaker 3: going into your thirties a lot of women feel, like

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Speaker 3: you said, a sense of grief to feel like they're behind.

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Speaker 3: How have you been reconciling that and how have you

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Speaker 3: been dealing with that in your life?

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Speaker 7: Oh, I've definitely experienced that because I feel like we have,

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Speaker 7: especially as women, we have a timeline that we kind

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Speaker 7: of set for ourselves and just by society as well,

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Speaker 7: and especially me, I kind of get in my head

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Speaker 7: a lot, you know, like, Lord, what am I doing wrong?

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Speaker 13: Is it? Is it something that I'm not doing?

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Speaker 7: And I think the Lord's really taught me that I

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Speaker 7: am in a season of pruning, and I am not

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Speaker 7: only in a waiting season. It's not just about waiting,

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Speaker 7: but what am I doing in this season? To like,

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Speaker 7: what is God asking me to do? And where where

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Speaker 7: is he asking me to meet him? Obviously it's it's

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Speaker 7: to grow my relationship with him, but it's also to

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Speaker 7: be a light as well.

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Speaker 13: And so that's just definitely been Yeah.

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Speaker 3: That's good. That's good, y'all. Give it up for y'all.

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Speaker 3: Dallas Mouth will just hop over there to you. So,

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Speaker 3: Dallas are you single?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely? Absolutely absolutely yes? All right? So you you proudly single? Right? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Do you desire meriage. Absolutely, Why do you desire marriage?

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Speaker 2: I love the questions? Good question, A good question. Why

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Speaker 2: do I desire marriage? Marriage?

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Speaker 5: I feel like for me, growing up in a two

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Speaker 5: parent household, I've seen what it's supposed to look like like.

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Speaker 2: I see how my father treats my mother. I see

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Speaker 2: how my mother looks at.

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Speaker 5: My dad, and I think that's always been something that

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Speaker 5: for me, I just wanted at some point in my

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Speaker 5: life that I also wanted to have a relationship as such.

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Speaker 5: And so I don't know, man, I'm a lover boy.

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Speaker 5: I have been for as long as I can remember.

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Speaker 3: And hear those little murmurs out there, they said, well,

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Speaker 3: thank you Jesus, halleluj yah, thank you God, I bless you.

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Speaker 3: You told me you were going to show up and

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Speaker 3: meet them. They're over their prophesign right now. They prayed

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Speaker 3: that they were going to run into a U at

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Speaker 3: BCI that's what they I felt that in the spirit.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yes, sir, man, I'm just a lover boy. I

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Speaker 5: love and that's that's just the way I am. So

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Speaker 5: I definitely des our marriage for sure.

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Speaker 2: So are you currently dating intensely?

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Speaker 3: Like you said, you're twenty seven years old, right, and

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Speaker 3: have you put in your mind, well, I ain't really

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Speaker 3: ready to get married just yet, you know, I'll be.

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Speaker 2: About thirty five or thirty two. Or are you intentional?

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Speaker 3: Where if God presented your wife to you today, you

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Speaker 3: will be married to her within the next two years.

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Speaker 5: Man, I told myself, if I were to find the

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Speaker 5: right one, everything a lignes the way it's supposed to line.

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Speaker 5: If we're equally yoke, I'll get married this year. Like

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Speaker 5: I get married this year. And so I'm finally in

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Speaker 5: the season where I am being intentional because like kindidly speaking,

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Speaker 5: I haven't always been this way, like truthfully speaking, I haven't.

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Speaker 2: So I finally am being intentional.

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Speaker 3: Let me give him more in the mindset, I can't

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Speaker 3: hear him that. Well, keep talking, Hey.

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Speaker 2: I'll hear me. Hello, hear me, she said, yeah, okay, you.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, man, I am being intentional.

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Speaker 5: And if, like I mentioned, if I find that that

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Speaker 5: right one that, like I mentioned, if everything is aligned,

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Speaker 5: then for sure we can get married this year.

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Speaker 2: We can do it. Let's do it. That's good. That's good.

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Speaker 2: So you're intentional. I like to hear that.

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Speaker 3: And you've seen what a healthy marriage looks like and

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Speaker 3: so you're not jaded thinking that you're too young to

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Speaker 3: get married, that you believe that you need to be

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Speaker 3: single a little bit longer. You're extremely intentional. When was

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Speaker 3: your last serious relationship?

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Speaker 2: My last serious relationship? What you mean by serious? What?

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Speaker 2: Oh know? You tell me?

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Speaker 3: I let you quantify on you qualified weather was serious?

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Speaker 2: And what you call serious?

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Speaker 5: Because you got to remember, I just told you I'm

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Speaker 5: here to be as honest as possible.

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Speaker 2: So when you say here's what your future wife is.

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Speaker 5: My last extended relationship was twenty twenty four. But the

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Speaker 5: last relationship and did this past October?

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Speaker 2: And that fix months? Huh?

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Speaker 5: Six months? That's a span of six months. So that's

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Speaker 5: why I say when you say it was serious, like,

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Speaker 5: you know what, what exactly do you mean by that?

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Speaker 5: But my last relationship was in October any lasted for.

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Speaker 3: Six So you tell me what you mean by that.

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Speaker 3: I need the women to understand how you think. So

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Speaker 3: if you said my last serious relationship was before this

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Speaker 3: last relationship, was this last relationship in October a real

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Speaker 3: relationship or was it a situationship?

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Speaker 5: It away, It definitely was closer to the realm of

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Speaker 5: the situationship.

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Speaker 2: It was it was it was Amen.

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Speaker 3: So we're gonna unpack this because we got to understand

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Speaker 3: how we get in situationships. We're gonna talk about how

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Speaker 3: we get into those things because we're gonna we're gonna

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Speaker 3: really really talk and unpack. Because you're extremely intentional. You

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Speaker 3: value marriage, you desire marriage, and so when you look

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Speaker 3: back hindsight being twenty twenty, what allowed you to move

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Speaker 3: into a situationship rather than being intentional and holding out

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Speaker 3: for your purpose partner?

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Speaker 2: That's a good that's a good question.

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Speaker 5: So so here I'm gonna start here. My story is

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Speaker 5: a little different, right. So, I'm a PK, grew up

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Speaker 5: in the church. I'm a drummer.

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Speaker 3: You had me, good, Lord, say why y'all gonna counsel

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Speaker 3: my boy like that? Y don't get somewhere and sat down.

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Speaker 3: She done got triggered. She done thought about our ax.

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Speaker 3: His name was John John, and she done got triggered.

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Speaker 3: She had to go walk it off, walk it off,

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Speaker 3: walk it off, Yes, sir, yeah, man. So I'm a pek.

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Speaker 3: I'm a PK. I'm a drummer.

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Speaker 5: I grew up in the church, and so for as

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Speaker 5: long as I can remember, so many days throughout the week.

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Speaker 5: I'm in church on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and then Sunday again,

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Speaker 5: so like I'm in church constantly. And so I think

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Speaker 5: for me, once I grew up and I got the

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Speaker 5: freedom of moving out of the crib, and you know,

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Speaker 5: I'm in college, I finally had this this new found

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Speaker 5: again freedom to be able to move around how rosso please.

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Speaker 5: And so for me, I just I transitioned to this,

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Speaker 5: this this different type of lifestyle. You can player, whatever

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Speaker 5: you wanna call the player, all of that, anything synonymous

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Speaker 5: with that, and that's what I had going on for

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Speaker 5: a long time.

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Speaker 2: So I would get into.

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Speaker 5: A relationship, get out of that relationship, do what I wanted.

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Speaker 5: Get into a relationship, get out of a relationship, do

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Speaker 5: what I wanted. And so I think for this last

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Speaker 5: situationship that you asked me about, she had caught me

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Speaker 5: in a period in which I was moving however I

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Speaker 5: wanted to move, and in my eyes, again kindidly speaking,

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Speaker 5: this was just just another girl to me. Now having

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Speaker 5: so much time passed, I finally moved into a space

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Speaker 5: where it's like, you know, I kind of liked this girl.

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Speaker 5: You know, I actually loved this girl. So the issue

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Speaker 5: with that is that I had already been doing what

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Speaker 5: I wanted to. She asked for transparency, and I wasn't

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Speaker 5: being honest with the girl, right, So once it came

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Speaker 5: time for me want to take her serious and she

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Speaker 5: found out about everything that was transpiring, she's like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I'm never mind.

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Speaker 2: So as to.

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Speaker 5: So me now being head over heels for the girl

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Speaker 5: and her, you know, like deuces, I kind of realized

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Speaker 5: what my actions can cause, right, moving and moving around

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Speaker 5: in ways that I've never even like, I don't know

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Speaker 5: how I got there, but I did get there. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: and yeah, I lost something that I loved, and so

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Speaker 5: I vowed to myself, you know, I don't want to

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Speaker 5: ever feel this again. I don't want to go through

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Speaker 5: this again. And so now I'm finally becoming a man

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Speaker 5: that I know I'm supposed to be. Like if I

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Speaker 5: were to put a if I were to put a

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Speaker 5: word on this season of my life, that word would

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Speaker 5: be purpose, right, Another word would be commitment. And I'm

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Speaker 5: just so focused on what I'm supposed to do. And

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Speaker 5: so that kind of takes us back to the first

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Speaker 5: question on me being intentional.

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Speaker 2: So I finally made it.

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Speaker 5: I'm proud of myself and praise God.

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Speaker 3: Listen, Dallas, I gotta salute your King. See a lot

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Speaker 3: of times men don't feel like they have a safe

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Speaker 3: space and share. And I wanted y'all to hear in

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Speaker 3: real time how times women respond to the truth and

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Speaker 3: transparency of a man sharing his journey. A lot of

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Speaker 3: y'all are getting triggered by his own journey because a

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Speaker 3: lot of y'all were in those same situationships before and

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Speaker 3: got mishandled. So you hear a goud sharing his truth

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Speaker 3: and then you like, oh, no, I want to and

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Speaker 3: then you already cut them off before you got to

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Speaker 3: the testimony.

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Speaker 2: So I want you.

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Speaker 3: To be very wise and keen that when God places

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Speaker 3: your purpose partner, your husband in your life, he's gonna

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Speaker 3: come with the story. And if you create a safe

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Speaker 3: space for him, you can go from just a boyfriend

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Speaker 3: to a wife to a husband. You can actually have covenant.

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Speaker 3: But you what men are looking for is safety. Women

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Speaker 3: y'all say the same thing. Y'all say, y'all looking for safety. Well,

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Speaker 3: safety is being present, not being judgmental, and allowing each

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Speaker 3: other to share your truths and say, hey, listen the

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Speaker 3: way and that's exactly how God receives us.

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Speaker 2: Right, he says, it's nothing too big for him.

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Speaker 3: So he says, cast all your cares on me because

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Speaker 3: I care for you.

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Speaker 2: And that's what you want your spouse to do, is

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Speaker 2: be able to say, Hey, this is what I did.

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Speaker 3: I'm not proud of it, but I want your grace.

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Speaker 3: The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins, and

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Speaker 3: so is your love capable of covering the multitude of

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Speaker 3: sins that your spouse may present to you? Amen? Amen,

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Speaker 3: that was good. I'm gonna take up offer for myself. Listen,

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Speaker 3: let's go ahead and just I'm gonna save y'all for last.

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Speaker 3: Y'all have been in the game for the longest. Let's

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Speaker 3: talk to the blacks. How long have y'all been married?

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Speaker 8: We've been married almost three years in July.

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Speaker 6: Well, actually, our actual date is in May, so we've

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Speaker 6: been made for three years now.

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Speaker 3: Three years, three years. So when you say actual, let's

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Speaker 3: unpack that. What you mean by actual.

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Speaker 14: Well, our wedding date was sept for July twenty eight,

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Speaker 14: and we snuck off to Georgia and got married in

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Speaker 14: May and didn't tell anybody we did that until two

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Speaker 14: years later. So people just finding out that we've been

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Speaker 14: married for three years May rather than.

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Speaker 3: July, all right, made y'all choose that path to go

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Speaker 3: in like sneak off.

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Speaker 6: So we actually didn't get married in the States. We

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Speaker 6: got married in Greece. And before we went there, we

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Speaker 6: wanted to make sure that we did all the legal

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Speaker 6: things in the US close to We wanted to make

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Speaker 6: sure that we did all the legal procedures here in

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Speaker 6: the US to make sure that we were legally married

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Speaker 6: here in our country. So we got married in May

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Speaker 6: in the state of Georgia, and then in July we

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Speaker 6: flew out and we had a beautiful wedding in Greece.

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Speaker 2: All right, How long y'all date we dated? We dated?

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Speaker 6: We started dating in twenty nineteen, the end of twenty nineteen,

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Speaker 6: and I proposed on New Years of twenty twenty one,

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Speaker 6: going into twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 4: So we got married both two okay, we were okay,

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Speaker 4: three years.

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Speaker 3: When we got married, So three years before y'all got married.

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Speaker 3: What made you? I'm gonna ask up both this question.

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Speaker 3: What made you ask her to marry you?

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Speaker 2: What made me?

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Speaker 8: Add?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, she's asked me this question before, and I told her,

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Speaker 6: since whenever we started dating, I knew I wanted to

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Speaker 6: marry it. It was just a part of me getting

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Speaker 6: the means. I didn't have the means when we first

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Speaker 6: started dating, so whenever I did get the means, that

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Speaker 6: was the first thing I did.

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Speaker 3: Let me ask you this because a lot of times

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Speaker 3: women may look at that as an excuse. They go, oh, man,

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Speaker 3: just because a lot of men say, I'm just trying

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Speaker 3: to get myself together.

403
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Speaker 2: I'm trying to get my finances together.

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Speaker 3: So I want you to unpack that as a man,

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Speaker 3: what do you mean by I didn't have the means.

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Speaker 6: So at the time we were in college when we

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Speaker 6: first got together, and I was working at the Boys

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Speaker 6: and Girls Club as like after school care director, making

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Speaker 6: like eight dollars an hour, I didn't have the means

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Speaker 6: to go and buy a ring. I knew what kind

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Speaker 6: of rings she wanted before we ever started dating, and

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Speaker 6: I knew that I couldn't give her what she wanted

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Speaker 6: before then, And that was I mean, that was when

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Speaker 6: we first started dating.

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Speaker 8: But it didn't take.

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Speaker 6: Me three five, ten years before I knew I know

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Speaker 6: what I want to work towards, and I know what

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Speaker 6: I need to do to work towards this. So I

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Speaker 6: worked my tea and I made sure that I got

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Speaker 6: down on one knee, and I made sure that she

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Speaker 6: was my wife because I know this is who I wanted.

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Speaker 2: To be with. That's good.

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Speaker 3: I want to ask this question. I want to ask

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Speaker 3: the audience this question. I just shared her real last week.

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Speaker 3: I had my daughter and my son in love on

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Speaker 3: the podcast, and he proposed to her with a ring

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Speaker 3: that cost one hundred and fifty dollars and they went

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Speaker 3: to college together. And I posed this question to my

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Speaker 3: social media audience, is if God introduced you to the

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Speaker 3: love of your life, would you accept the ring.

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Speaker 2: From him if it was only one hundred and fifty dollars? Yes? Yes,

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Speaker 2: So y'all really believe that? All right, let me ask

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Speaker 2: you this.

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Speaker 6: I was gonna say, also, I have not seen healthy

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Speaker 6: marriages relationships growing up, so all I know is what

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Speaker 6: I've seen through socials. So all I know is I

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Speaker 6: wanted to get her what she wanted. It wasn't a

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Speaker 6: thing of I have an uncle or grandpa or dad

439
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,679
Speaker 6: who did it with what they had, and I know

440
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 6: that that is the way, that is a great way

441
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:02,199
Speaker 6: to do it.

442
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 8: And with whatever you have.

443
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 6: Most women are are content with getting what you have

444
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,720
Speaker 6: right at that moment and then getting the upgrade later on.

445
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 6: A lot of women are okay with that. But I

446
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,600
Speaker 6: did not know that starting out. I do know that now,

447
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 6: But like I said, I didn't have positive men in

448
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 6: my life who were married to teach me that.

449
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 2: That's good, that's good.

450
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 3: And see, that's the reason why I want to reframe

451
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,879
Speaker 3: what social media has conditioned us, because if the accord

452
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 3: to your algorithms, it may say something totally different than

453
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 3: what y'all just said in the audience, Where y'all be

454
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,640
Speaker 3: okay with that because you hear so much about the

455
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 3: man having to provide one hundred percent and he has

456
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 3: to get her, you know, a ring that's three times

457
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 3: his monthly salary and all this nonsense. When I believe

458
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 3: that you should chase character versus charats, character overcrits, and

459
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 3: if you focus on that, you get the soft skills

460
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 3: that you desire and you need in order to have

461
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 3: a sustainable marriage. Let's talk to you hat where you

462
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 3: okay with that or what were you open to You

463
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,160
Speaker 3: told them that your dream ring.

464
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 2: Were you the type that said if you didn't get

465
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 2: this ring, then.

466
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 14: You can't have me, not at all, especially being that,

467
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 14: like realistically we were broke, like we got we came

468
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 14: right out of college. So my mindset was really centered

469
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,120
Speaker 14: around the things that I saw. I'm from a small

470
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,879
Speaker 14: town in Georgia, and in that small town in Georgia,

471
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 14: it is a two income household.

472
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 12: Both of y'all are doing this.

473
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 13: If you get an.

474
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 14: Upgrade, it's because you work for it for years down

475
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 14: the line or whatever the case may be. Like realistically,

476
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 14: it's based on finances and the size of the ring

477
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 14: or how much the ring was. It wasn't about like

478
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 14: the love at that point. Now, when it was time

479
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 14: and you could afford a upgrade, then yeah, let's do that.

480
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:46,159
Speaker 2: Kryer.

481
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 3: Karyer, what has your journey been like? Well, let me

482
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 3: ask you, is I don't want to assume that every

483
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 3: single person wants to get married.

484
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,680
Speaker 2: Do you desire marriage?

485
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 5: I do?

486
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 2: Why?

487
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 4: I desire marriage, for one, because.

488
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,920
Speaker 2: I believe the microphone closer?

489
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 12: Okay, can y'all hear me?

490
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 4: Okay, So I desire marriage for a number of reasons,

491
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 4: But I didn't see it growing up at all. I

492
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 4: come from a single parenthood, Well a single home, and

493
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 4: I know that I always desired love. Like anytime I

494
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,400
Speaker 4: was in a relationship where I wasn't satisfied or feeling

495
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 4: like I was getting what I deserved, I knew that

496
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 4: that was not for me. I knew that there was more.

497
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 4: So I always desired love because I give love.

498
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,359
Speaker 12: And what was the other question?

499
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 2: Was the question?

500
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 3: Well, that was the main question, and the other question,

501
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,400
Speaker 3: the follow up would be did you have a timeline

502
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,920
Speaker 3: in your mind of when you thought you would be married?

503
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 4: By yes, I was in relationship for five years, so yeah,

504
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 4: I did. But I thank God for the no because

505
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,199
Speaker 4: I didn't know that I would end up becoming a

506
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 4: Christian and really starting to live out life the way

507
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 4: I'm supposed to. Because when you're living in the world,

508
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,439
Speaker 4: you having sex, you're drinking, you're doing all the things.

509
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 4: And if I would have got married to that, where

510
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 4: would I be? Where would I be?

511
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 2: Some of y'all don't want to give God praise for

512
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 2: the no.

513
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:05,639
Speaker 4: Thank you Jesus for the no.

514
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 2: Give God praise for the no.

515
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 3: And I'm glad that you saw it as such because

516
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 3: you said, had I gotten married, I was in a

517
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 3: relationship for five years, and had I got married, and

518
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 3: where would I be right now?

519
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 2: Explain that. Explain who you were then and who you

520
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 2: are now.

521
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,719
Speaker 4: Okay, So who I was was a girl who was

522
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 4: looking for love and a man. I didn't grow up

523
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 4: with the father, so I didn't have a man affirming me. Ever,

524
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 4: so when you don't have love in the home, you

525
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 4: search for it, and most of the time, for women,

526
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 4: you find that love in a man, most likely the

527
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:41,719
Speaker 4: wrong man. That's not leading you to Christ, that's not

528
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 4: making sure that you're being holy, that's leading you to sex,

529
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 4: that's having you in the club like you're doing this

530
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 4: all of the things that you think are loved because

531
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:53,240
Speaker 4: of what you see growing up. And that's who I was.

532
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 4: I was really just concerned about him. I wanted to

533
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,640
Speaker 4: make him happy. I wanted to do what he wanted

534
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 4: to do. And now I am a woman who has

535
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 4: been single for four years. Yeah, I haven't see.

536
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,000
Speaker 2: Giving her praise. You ain't given yourself praise? Have been

537
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 2: single for four years?

538
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 4: Okay? The reason I've been single for four years and

539
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 4: the first thing that I start doing was solo traveling,

540
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 4: solo dating. When I first when the breakup first happened,

541
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 4: I wasn't truly walking with the Lord. So I did

542
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:26,119
Speaker 4: the whole journaling thing, I travel, I just focused on myself.

543
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 4: I dated myself a lot. But two years ago I

544
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 4: got saved in October of twenty twenty four.

545
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 2: Give God some praise. Yes, hear that date again?

546
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:39,479
Speaker 4: October What October twenty twenty four? Yes, Yes, I went

547
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 4: to ASK two forty two conferences and it changed my life. Yes,

548
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 4: I was there. Okay, so I had went there. But

549
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 4: who I am now is truly a woman that is

550
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 4: focused on purpose. And I understand that even mirriages for

551
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 4: the building of God's kingdom. It's not just about me.

552
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 4: So I do I desire it. I truly desire what

553
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 4: the Lord wants for me. So if it means that,

554
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 4: I wait, I'll wait. If it means that it's five

555
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 4: years down the line, it will be five years down

556
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,480
Speaker 4: the line, and I'm going to do it upstaining, okay,

557
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 4: with our lex close, and I'm gonna glorify God with

558
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,960
Speaker 4: my body. That's just what we ask.

559
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:12,959
Speaker 2: So let me ask you this. So all right, So

560
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 2: you're willing to do that.

561
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 3: So you you meet a guy and you feel like

562
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 3: he's the one, He's everything on your checklist, let me

563
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 3: ask you, do you have a checklist?

564
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 12: I used to?

565
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: All right, what was on that checklist before?

566
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:29,680
Speaker 4: Tall dark skim I love the tall, dark skinned man

567
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 4: that had like just good character. But but I'm.

568
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:37,479
Speaker 2: None wrong with that. So so what you tear your

569
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 2: listen up? You said you used to?

570
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 4: I did.

571
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you're open.

572
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 3: So you're telling me you're open to whoever God brings

573
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 3: you from a physical.

574
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 4: Standpoint, absolutely, But I do believe that God will give

575
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 4: me someone that's cute. I don't believe that just because

576
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,719
Speaker 4: you're a Christian you gotta be with an ugly man.

577
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 4: Let's be clear, No, I believe my man is going

578
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 4: to be a fine man of God.

579
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, m hm.

580
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 3: So you said God is gonna give you the desires

581
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 3: of your heart.

582
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 4: I believe so.

583
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,000
Speaker 3: And you're saying that as long as you find him attractive,

584
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter all the specifics.

585
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 4: I believe that he has to be a man of integrity,

586
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 4: a man of character, a man that truly loves the

587
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 4: Lord in real life, not social media, not in front

588
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 4: of people, but like in your daily life, how you

589
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 4: are living your daily life? Are you truly surrendered to Christ?

590
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 4: I believe that that is what I'm looking for. So yeah, and.

591
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 2: These four years have been single? Have you dated? Yes?

592
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 4: Yes, I have?

593
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 3: And what has your experience been like for you to

594
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 3: give that gasp when I asked that question?

595
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 4: So, y'all, y'all be dating. It's trash, it's trash, it's awful.

596
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 4: But I truly believe that that it's purposeful. I believe

597
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 4: that even when you step out of doing certain things,

598
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 4: like when you start walking with the Lord, you stop

599
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 4: having sex, you stop king, you start smoking, that eliminates

600
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: a lot of men. So I don't just go on dates.

601
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 4: I don't be talking to people all the time.

602
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 12: I don't do that.

603
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 4: I'm just truly trying to just be obedient.

604
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 2: And wait, are you hopeful? Am I hopeful? Are you hopeful?

605
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 12: Absolutely?

606
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 4: I believe that a man is in my future.

607
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 2: Yes.

608
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 4: Absolutely.

609
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 3: And let me ask you, what is your preferred age

610
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 3: range in dating?

611
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 12: I'm how old?

612
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:24,719
Speaker 3: Am I?

613
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 4: Okay? So I'm about to be twenty five. My birthday's

614
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 4: next month, so yeah, I would say six seven, I

615
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 4: would say, like, I don't know, I would say the

616
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 4: highest maybe thirty two, maybe thirty two. I'm mature, so

617
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 4: a lot of people in my age aren't.

618
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 2: And then what's the youngest.

619
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 4: The youngest is twenty five. But I will say, truly speaking,

620
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 4: if it's from the Lord, he can be whatever you know,

621
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 4: if it's from the Lord. If it's from the Lord,

622
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 4: it should be in good timing, should be around my

623
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 4: age or higher.

624
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Y'all give it

625
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 2: up for y'all.

626
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,920
Speaker 1: Will hold on before you ask me anything, y'all better booties.

627
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: Married people like y'all booing us single people. Okay, anything

628
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: I say, dude, don't be holding it against me.

629
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 2: I got a tour to go on. Will do you

630
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 2: desire marriage? I do why.

631
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: I absolutely love the thought of taking care of someone else.

632
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 4: I love that.

633
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 2: I love.

634
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 1: I love the thought of me having so I lived

635
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: my life like I am married.

636
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: Explain.

637
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 1: When I go home, I literally spend at least about

638
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: an hour or two hours doing nothing, and I pretty

639
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: much spend that time to say, if I had a

640
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: wife or a kid, this would be the time I'm

641
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 1: spending with them. They will not see me coming home

642
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: and I get automatically get on my MacBook or I

643
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,200
Speaker 1: automatically do whatever I take the time. I'll go to

644
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 1: costco win a car. I'll annoy the other side of

645
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 1: the car I have. I have four chairs at my

646
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 1: table at home. I annoy every one of those chairs.

647
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 1: I pray over us.

648
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: And and what and what are you praying over those

649
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 3: chairs I'm praying for?

650
00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: I ask the Lord specifically, Lord, I would I want

651
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 1: a family. I would love for it to have people

652
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: that have my last name, and not just that because

653
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 1: I have a wonderful legacy. My soul makes are boats

654
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: in the Lord. I have a wonderful legacy to leave someone.

655
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,160
Speaker 1: I have so many ideas and so many things there

656
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: are so there are notebooks at my house that if

657
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: I had a kid, he would never be without that

658
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: he would he would never have have to wonder what

659
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: he's gonna.

660
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,440
Speaker 2: Do next year. I've I've, I've planned for it.

661
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: So yes, I desired marriage because I love the thought

662
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: of taking care of somebody else.

663
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 2: That is beautiful? Real quick? Can I get that?

664
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,600
Speaker 3: Can I get the dear future wifey logo on the

665
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 3: back screen?

666
00:31:56,160 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 2: Please? Will that? Beautiful?

667
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 4: It is?

668
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:03,800
Speaker 1: So?

669
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 2: How has this dating journey been for you? Then? Oh

670
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 2: it's the worst. I'm kidding.

671
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 1: I can probably echo everybody else a single on the

672
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: platform that it said, it is a learning lesson, so

673
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: I learn more about me now. I love therapy and

674
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: Jesus okay, and I don't go to therapy for nobody

675
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: else but me. I go to figure me out so

676
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: I can be more aware of how I'm responding in

677
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: certain situations. I go to figure out how I give

678
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: in certain situations. Am I being too open to something?

679
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 1: Am I missing something? What did I say in this

680
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: situation that I probably could have said differently? Because you're

681
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 1: not always right, Kevin, that's my middle name. You're not

682
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: always right. It's okay.

683
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:51,479
Speaker 2: You may feel like you're right.

684
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 1: You can say it in your preachy tone all you

685
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: want to, but it's wrong.

686
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,719
Speaker 2: And I go for those particular reasons.

687
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: So the dating journey itself, i've not too long ago. Recently,

688
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: probably around March, I stopped talking to someone and I

689
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 1: intentionally did that. Now, I did text her on her

690
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: birthday because I remembered it was in my phone, So

691
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: I did text on her birthday. I wasn't in toxic hallelujah,

692
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: I gotta save it. But we stopped talking because I'm

693
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 1: not a fan of dating the strong friend, because they

694
00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 1: feel like they have to fix things and when you

695
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:31,840
Speaker 1: are a man that is healing and learning yourself and

696
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 1: you come in with nothing to fix, sometimes you get mistreated.

697
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 3: You will you're talking about something. Now, yeah, y'all don't.

698
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 3: Y'all don't want to talk about that. I want you

699
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,440
Speaker 3: to unpack that for the people that may not understand

700
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 3: what you're talking about.

701
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: So, in my experience with her, I will never demean

702
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,479
Speaker 1: any woman that I've ever dated. I never demean anything. No,

703
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 1: I'll talk about my experience with you, but I won't.

704
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: I won't tell your character down because you still belong

705
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: to God. Hello, somebody. So with her, it was more so.

706
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: She felt like she had to fix stuff.

707
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: And I kept coming every day like, hey, you don't

708
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: got to do that.

709
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 2: What do you need me to do? You need me

710
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 2: to do something for you?

711
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 7: Good?

712
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 2: Did you eat today? Did you you got gas in

713
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 2: your car?

714
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: I'm one of them if we don't look well, I'm

715
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 1: not one of them.

716
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 2: For you. Hello, we got written a few. No, but

717
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 2: I'm one of those.

718
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 1: And so that that feeling like something to fix when

719
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: she had nothing for her to have to do for me,

720
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: it was almost like, well, you just think you perfect. No,

721
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm perfect. I just think I'm okay

722
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 1: and I want to be okay for you. So what

723
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:42,520
Speaker 1: do you need today?

724
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 8: Are you good?

725
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 2: How was work?

726
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:46,320
Speaker 1: We got to a point where we couldn't talk about

727
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,359
Speaker 1: her work. She wanted to talk about mine. I went

728
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 1: my job all day. I don't want to talk about

729
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: my job. I will, but I would like to hear

730
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: about your day. Tell me something that's going on with that.

731
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 1: And I think because she had nothing to fix, she

732
00:34:58,400 --> 00:34:59,799
Speaker 1: felt like she had nothing to talk about.

733
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 2: When I say, do y'all understand what he's talking about?

734
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 2: I feel like yeah. But so she just.

735
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,720
Speaker 3: Said, I believe that you always have something to fix,

736
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:13,879
Speaker 3: but it shouldn't be somebody trying to fix you. So

737
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,280
Speaker 3: what happens is is that if you get into somebody's

738
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 3: life saying I'm going to fix you, then that's not

739
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 3: what God placed you in their.

740
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:20,960
Speaker 2: Life to be.

741
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:25,399
Speaker 3: You can be a mirror reflecting whatever that person needs

742
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 3: to deal with, but it shouldn't be a.

743
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 2: Situation where somebody.

744
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 3: No one wants to be fixed by nobody, nobody.

745
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 2: I don't know. No. Did y'all ever want to fix

746
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 2: each other?

747
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 3: Did y'all ever say my job is to fix you?

748
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 2: No?

749
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 15: I think that a woman is going to lean into

750
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 15: wanting to help you because her original role in identity

751
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 15: is to be a help make so she's going to

752
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 15: come in and she can't help but help. So if

753
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:49,920
Speaker 15: you don't give her something to help, then she's going

754
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 15: to help herself, right, because she's wired to help. So

755
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 15: the curious question would probably be how can I help you?

756
00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:57,799
Speaker 10: Right?

757
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 2: What is it you're building? What is it your work?

758
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: You know? On what you want to do together?

759
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 15: Because if God assigned us to be together, it's more

760
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 15: than just for love. It has to be what it

761
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 15: is that we're after to try to connect and try

762
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 15: to collaborate.

763
00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 2: On something right.

764
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 15: And so I think that if sometimes people have a

765
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,480
Speaker 15: unhealthy perspective of a man thinking that he's broken and

766
00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,439
Speaker 15: you got to fix him, as opposed to help him,

767
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 15: they're not the same thing. I don't need you to

768
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,879
Speaker 15: think at good, but I do need you to help

769
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 15: me so I can ten times myself. Because if one

770
00:36:29,600 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 15: can put a thousand of flight, two could put ten

771
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 15: thousands of flight. And if we get together, we got

772
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 15: to do more than just double our efforts. We have

773
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 15: to ten times our efforts. So in ten times in

774
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 15: our efforts. Then it's important that you come to the

775
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 15: table understanding who you are, what you do, what you

776
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 15: bring in, how your connection to me creates a collaboration,

777
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:51,040
Speaker 15: and then I provide what it is that I'm trying

778
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 15: to accomplish, what we're trying to do. So there's vision there,

779
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,959
Speaker 15: there's collaboration, there, there's mutual respect there.

780
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 2: You're gifted.

781
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 15: You're working in dominion, power and a throw you made

782
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 15: in the image and likeness of God in the same

783
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 15: manner of which I am.

784
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 2: We're equaling dominion.

785
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,399
Speaker 15: We just have different roles, and so as we begin

786
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,080
Speaker 15: to understand what our roles are and how we play

787
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 15: that out. Then yes, God gave Adam such a huge

788
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 15: assignment that then it was too much for him to

789
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,279
Speaker 15: accomplish on his own. He said, no, man, this man

790
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 15: that knows his purpose, this man that understands his identity,

791
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,960
Speaker 15: this man that is after my plan for his life.

792
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 2: Should not be alone.

793
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 15: I'm gonna make someone that is suitable and complimentary that

794
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 15: can come into his life and then ten times as effort,

795
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 15: so they can do more together than they could ever

796
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:36,840
Speaker 15: do by themselves.

797
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:37,959
Speaker 2: Oh that's good, that's good.

798
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 1: That's what I was trying to say to you want

799
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 1: to call them. I was just trying to say that, well,

800
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 1: well you know what you missing. You was missing one

801
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: thing that was good. You missed one thing. You should

802
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: have said it in the.

803
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: Greek fixed me.

804
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 15: I think that, I think that if I often say that. Unfortunately,

805
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:02,360
Speaker 15: usually what a woman learns about a man she learned

806
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 15: from a woman, and usually a broken woman. So if

807
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 15: a broken woman trains another woman how to love a man,

808
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 15: she's gonna train her through her trauma. And then when

809
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 15: she's trained through her trauma and she gets a good

810
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 15: man that doesn't need fixing but does need help, then

811
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,400
Speaker 15: she doesn't know how to insert herself in a space

812
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 15: where she can be useful unless she thinks that she

813
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 15: has to dominate in a space where she has to

814
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 15: fix something that's not broken.

815
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,839
Speaker 1: You want to know the real thing though, being an

816
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: influential person, and influential people can tell you this. Dating

817
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 1: is sometimes hard because people feel like they don't have

818
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: anything to measure up to your stuff. Yeah, and I'm

819
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: not asking you to come and measure up to me.

820
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 1: I'm asking you to be you meet me where you are.

821
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 1: Let's just be people. All platforms aside all numbers and

822
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 1: I don't even know them. Two hundred forty five thousand folk.

823
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,799
Speaker 1: If I don't know them, but I want to get

824
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: to know you. And I don't want you to come

825
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: and want to know my things of figure out how

826
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: you fit in my picture. I would rather us figure

827
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,000
Speaker 1: out how we can beat each other for each other

828
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: with each other.

829
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,000
Speaker 2: Good pastor Glenn, you just you just.

830
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 3: Unpacked some stuff that is so good at what you said.

831
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 3: And I want to make sure that everybody receives what

832
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 3: he just spoke about, because that's what it looks like

833
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 3: when see fathers are so missing out of their kids' life,

834
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 3: and when you can create or give your kids identity

835
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 3: and instruction and tutelage as a father teaching their daughters

836
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:37,399
Speaker 3: how to govern the hearts of God's sons, then that's

837
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 3: where you create a healthy relationship. So, sister Glenn, let's

838
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 3: let's talk about this.

839
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,240
Speaker 2: How did y'all meet?

840
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 11: We actually met a long time ago. I just never

841
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 11: we our past never crossed. We were in the same

842
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 11: spaces and places, but our past never crossed. He's best

843
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 11: He was good friends with my cousin, good friends with

844
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 11: my sister. But I never saw him so he was

845
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 11: there but never saw him.

846
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 4: And then he went, he came and preached.

847
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 11: He was living in Chicago, and he came and preached

848
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,279
Speaker 11: to my grandfather's church in Grand Rappids, Michigan. And then

849
00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 11: he claims that I was trying to hit on all

850
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 11: over me and invite him to our choir anniversary.

851
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 12: And I was just doing my job.

852
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 15: But I know the sexy voice now that it wasn't

853
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,040
Speaker 15: It wasn't a regular phone call anyway.

854
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 11: So then he fast forward, he comes, he moves to

855
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,359
Speaker 11: Grand Rapids to become the executive pastor at my grandfather's church.

856
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 11: And I was working in ministry, he was working in ministry.

857
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:40,919
Speaker 11: We looked up and we had spent every single day

858
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 11: together in the summer working in ministry.

859
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 12: And then I think what that was? In May, you

860
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 12: moved and by November.

861
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:55,919
Speaker 11: No October October he asked me to marry him.

862
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,279
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, five months.

863
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 3: But when y'all was working together, where y'all just y'all

864
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 3: were just friends at that.

865
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 2: Point, right, Yeah, we were friends.

866
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 15: Actually she was in another relationship she had.

867
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: Yes, you took that woman from that man and you

868
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 1: up here preaching.

869
00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 15: I did, I did, if I if she could be taken,

870
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 15: she wasn't.

871
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 2: Had well see you in the Greek had me if

872
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 2: she could be taken, she wasn't. Had she had no ring,

873
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 2: she she she had no rings.

874
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 5: She had ring.

875
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 15: He had good intentions, but if she could be taken,

876
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 15: she wasn't.

877
00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 4: Had to make a.

878
00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 2: T shirt and so and so.

879
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 15: Yes, we were just it was the friendship. It was

880
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,959
Speaker 15: what you said about safety. It was in a short time.

881
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,279
Speaker 15: First of all, I was in a space where I

882
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,279
Speaker 15: was looking for I was mature enough to know what

883
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,800
Speaker 15: I wanted. We were both in our thirties, you know

884
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,600
Speaker 15: what I'm saying. Unfortunately, I had just gone through a

885
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:13,240
Speaker 15: divorce because I was married and I going through a divorce,

886
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 15: and my ex wife said she just didn't want to

887
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 15: be married to my calling. It wasn't that she didn't

888
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 15: care about me, but she said, you know, I kind

889
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,359
Speaker 15: of thought I could do this, but I don't want

890
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 15: to do this, you.

891
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,120
Speaker 2: Know, And I can respect that.

892
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 15: At the time, Yes, painful, it was disrespectful. It was

893
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 15: dishonorable because you knew who I was before we got married,

894
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,320
Speaker 15: so you should have thought about that before we got me.

895
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: But she didn't understand the weight of it. She didn't

896
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 3: understand the way and oh yes.

897
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 2: Let's talk.

898
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 3: So you just talked about a scripture that says that

899
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 3: God will give you a suitable help, you know, Shane

900
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 3: on her she just wasn't suitable.

901
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 2: She wasn't and I respected it.

902
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:54,240
Speaker 15: Later I understood that it actually what felt like rejection

903
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 15: actually was love because you actually loved me enough to

904
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 15: say that I respect you, and you're calling too much

905
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 15: to get in the way of that.

906
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 2: And that's the key.

907
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 3: A lot of people have put their calling to the

908
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 3: side because they're trying to please the person instead of

909
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 3: please God exactly.

910
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 2: And that's why I say it's so important.

911
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,400
Speaker 3: A lot of times on Dear Future Wifey podcast, I

912
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 3: don't say you know your wife or your husband. I

913
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 3: always say your purpose partner because I've seen people seen

914
00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:25,759
Speaker 3: people divorce wives and husbands, but it's so hard for

915
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,120
Speaker 3: them to divorce their purpose. That's right, And so when

916
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 3: you meet what you have. Now, look at what y'all doing.

917
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. That's the reason why y'all

918
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 3: have a thriving marriage ministry because that's purpose partner right there.

919
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 2: It just shows up differently.

920
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 15: I say thank you for that right exactly, and so

921
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 15: coming in that space and moving to the city within

922
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 15: that place, then the relationship wasn't really it wasn't really

923
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 15: about a relationship at first.

924
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 2: It was just friendship. It was ministry, it was life.

925
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 15: It was we were spending time together, and it was

926
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 15: such fast friends because my heart safely trusted in there

927
00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 15: and immediately nurturing and insightful and whis and all the

928
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 15: stuff that I was trying to work and cultivate in

929
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 15: a previous relationship was automatic.

930
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 2: Here. It was she was.

931
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:13,920
Speaker 15: Groomed for her, grandma taught her, her grandfather taught you know,

932
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,360
Speaker 15: it was just there. And here she was in a

933
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 15: space post thirty, thinking it's never gonna happen for her

934
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 15: and it's never gonna come. And I wasn't everything on

935
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 15: her list? And has she not? Has she just considered

936
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 15: my condition and not asked why I was in the

937
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 15: condition that I was in. She would have missed me

938
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 15: because a lot of women dismiss a man because they

939
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:37,359
Speaker 15: don't ask why you don't match up with the list,

940
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 15: and you say, he didn't do this, he doesn't have that,

941
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,320
Speaker 15: he doesn't have that, he doesn't have that, But why

942
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 15: because sometimes the arrested development. Sometimes the lack of fatherhood,

943
00:44:45,239 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 15: sometimes the absence in a particular area of life doesn't

944
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 15: make him a project. But at least if you can

945
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 15: understand the why, then you can maybe see yourself in

946
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,080
Speaker 15: a different condition, in a position that open you, opens

947
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 15: you up to a relationship that otherwise you would have missed.

948
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 15: And so we sat and we talked, and we could

949
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 15: talk for hours without stress and strain and spend time

950
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 15: together and laughing, and it just evolved very organically and

951
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 15: very naturally. And it was almost before I knew it.

952
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 15: I was like, yo, I like her. Like I called

953
00:45:15,680 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 15: my friends and I was like, yo, I think I'm

954
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 15: about to ask this girl to marry.

955
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 2: He's like, bro, you just got out. Like what you doing?

956
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 2: He's like, pump your brains? Don't you want to explore

957
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 2: a little bit?

958
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,760
Speaker 15: I said, I really don't, because just because my marriage

959
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 15: didn't work don't mean I wanted didn't want.

960
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: To be married.

961
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 15: Yes, I'm not a I'm not a boyfriend. I'm a

962
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 15: I'm a husband. I'm a husband, and and and and

963
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 15: if I stay out here in these boyfriend streets too long,

964
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 15: it's gonna be a mess. You understand, Like I'm not.

965
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 15: I'm not made for that. And so I know what

966
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:50,960
Speaker 15: I'm made for. And now I'm I'm I'm I think

967
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,319
Speaker 15: I found right in my face to what I was

968
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:57,919
Speaker 15: looking for the whole time. And the and the key

969
00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 15: was the scripture says his heart does safe trust in her.

970
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 15: And before I knew it, you just talked about that

971
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 15: safe space. Before I knew it, she had created such

972
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,760
Speaker 15: a safe space that it was non threatening. I wasn't

973
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 15: really trying to pull her from the guy. It's just

974
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 15: if he was not, if he didn't realize that he

975
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 15: ain't talked to her all day because she been talking

976
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 15: to me.

977
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:22,800
Speaker 3: I mean, he ain't.

978
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:24,880
Speaker 15: Realized she ain't called him back yet. You know what

979
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 15: I'm saying. It was just preoccupy. He's still looking for

980
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 15: her right now, you know, and so and so I

981
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:41,919
Speaker 15: am from Chicago, you know what I'm saying.

982
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,800
Speaker 1: She didn't call down at the t mobens that changed

983
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: my numbre.

984
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 15: It was so before I knew it, it was it

985
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 15: was that kind of organic, natural almost God had kind

986
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,239
Speaker 15: of put it in front of us, like what you're

987
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:56,719
Speaker 15: gonna do?

988
00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 2: You know?

989
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 15: And so it didn't take a long time because she

990
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 15: was ready I was ready. So five months we understood

991
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 15: that's what it was that we wanted. I flew to

992
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 15: Atlanta to ask her father for her hand in marriage.

993
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 15: I asked her mother, I asked her grandfather, I asked

994
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,320
Speaker 15: everybody if it was good, and then I asked her

995
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 15: if she would be my favorite for life, and she

996
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:18,959
Speaker 15: said yes.

997
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:27,480
Speaker 2: And twenty one years later God and the.

998
00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 3: Number twenty one stands for restoration, and so God was.

999
00:47:31,280 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 2: Restoring the whole three things.

1000
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:36,439
Speaker 3: You said something so key, and I don't want people

1001
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 3: to miss it, because this was the dichotomy between what

1002
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 3: he was saying about his ex versus what.

1003
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 2: You experienced with her.

1004
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 3: He experienced a woman that was trying to fix him,

1005
00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 3: and you experienced a woman that you said was inquisitive

1006
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:54,319
Speaker 3: enough to ask questions. And in the questions you can

1007
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:55,560
Speaker 3: find where you can help.

1008
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:56,320
Speaker 2: That's right.

1009
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,400
Speaker 3: So when the Bible says I would give you a

1010
00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 3: suitable helper if you asked the right questionquestion is if

1011
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 3: you ask me, hey, I noticed your car just ran

1012
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 3: out of gas on the.

1013
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 2: Side of the street. You know, do you need help?

1014
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 3: You can find out whether I need some money to

1015
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,840
Speaker 3: fill the tank up or just a gas tank to

1016
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:13,600
Speaker 3: go fill it up.

1017
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 15: Proverbs say that a man's heart is a deep well.

1018
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,760
Speaker 15: A man's heart is a deep well, and a wise

1019
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 15: person knows how to draw it out. And there's a

1020
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 15: difference between questioning your man and asking him questions. And

1021
00:48:28,840 --> 00:48:32,399
Speaker 15: sometimes ladies say, well, my husband doesn't have anything to say,

1022
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,840
Speaker 15: or my man doesn't have anything to say. But even

1023
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:38,720
Speaker 15: his silence is saying something. His silence is saying something.

1024
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 15: His silence perhaps is not saying that he doesn't know

1025
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,040
Speaker 15: what to say. He might be saying he can't say

1026
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 15: it to you. He might be saying that he can't

1027
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:47,920
Speaker 15: trust you with his vulnerability. Because a man wants to

1028
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 15: be vulnerable as long as you don't make him a victim,

1029
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:52,759
Speaker 15: as long as you don't turn around and use the

1030
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:57,280
Speaker 15: vulnderability against him. In a moment of weakness, he provides clarity,

1031
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:01,399
Speaker 15: and then later on sit down, and then and then

1032
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 15: later on you use that You use that weakness, You

1033
00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 15: use that weakness against him as a weapon.

1034
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 2: Right and so and so a man's heart is a.

1035
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 15: Deep wells saying that don't question him, but ask him

1036
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 15: questions and be patient enough to wait for the questions

1037
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 15: to evolve, to give the answers, because he's if there's

1038
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 15: curiosity there, he wants he wants to confide in you.

1039
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 15: He doesn't want to hold anything secrets in his head.

1040
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 15: He just want to know that he could trust you

1041
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:35,440
Speaker 15: with his truth. He just want to know that he

1042
00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:38,399
Speaker 15: could tell you what's really on his mind, whether he's

1043
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 15: proud of it or not proud of it, a shame

1044
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,520
Speaker 15: of it, or proud of or feel good about it,

1045
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 15: and that you can manage and handle that truth in

1046
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 15: a manner that you'll cover them and protect them and care.

1047
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 2: For him who that is good. Have you ever thought

1048
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 2: about leading the marriage ministry? You need to do one

1049
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 2: for single people. I'm finna say what must I do

1050
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:03,439
Speaker 2: to be saved? I think that's I think that's good.

1051
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,240
Speaker 15: My wife, my wife always say all the time, baby,

1052
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,399
Speaker 15: you can, you can jump in place. My wife says

1053
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,840
Speaker 15: all the time that she was married, she was single

1054
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 15: longer than she's been married. Even now with twenty one

1055
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 15: years under our belt, she's been single longer than she

1056
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,040
Speaker 15: was married. And what we learned is that to have

1057
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 15: people don't make a whole relationship. Two whole people make

1058
00:50:24,520 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 15: a whole relationship, and single people don't spend enough time

1059
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:31,359
Speaker 15: being single, because just because you're not married don't mean

1060
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,000
Speaker 15: you're single. And when you think about it, there's so

1061
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 15: many unmarried people that haven't been single in a very

1062
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 15: long time, and so they've gone from especially women, because

1063
00:50:40,640 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 15: women are adaptable. And so because women are adaptable, if

1064
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:48,399
Speaker 15: you've been unmarried but not single, then when someone asks you,

1065
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,319
Speaker 15: you know, coming to America, what do you like? You

1066
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:53,359
Speaker 15: don't know what I like because you've been adaptable. You've

1067
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 15: been so adaptable to every relationship that you don't you've

1068
00:50:56,600 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 15: lost touch of your identity in a sense of wholeness

1069
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:01,319
Speaker 15: and completeness.

1070
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:02,839
Speaker 2: So if two whole.

1071
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 15: People spend time being whole and then find themselves in

1072
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 15: a relationship, that marriage will be more successful than if

1073
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 15: two people that never were really single or never really

1074
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 15: embrace their married space God in a relationship because it

1075
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 15: takes two people that understands purpose, identity, and what they

1076
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 15: want out of life to come together for them to

1077
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 15: have a successful relationship.

1078
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:27,479
Speaker 2: Oh that's good, that's good.

1079
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,600
Speaker 3: I want to ask you Erica real quick, so he said,

1080
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 3: he done. You know, it's a whole saying that says,

1081
00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:34,759
Speaker 3: don't let your boyfriend stop.

1082
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 2: You from meeting your husband.

1083
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 3: And so this is in real life right here, it's

1084
00:51:39,160 --> 00:51:41,399
Speaker 3: in real life. It's a whole saying, don't let your

1085
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:44,600
Speaker 3: boyfriend getting away of your husband. And so my question

1086
00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:49,799
Speaker 3: to you is what made you decide to entertain my

1087
00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,920
Speaker 3: brother here to the point of marriage and let go

1088
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 3: of the other guy.

1089
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 11: Well, I think because my husband says that we never

1090
00:51:58,680 --> 00:52:01,319
Speaker 11: dated or accorded because he doesn't believe in it.

1091
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 12: I do.

1092
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:05,440
Speaker 11: So my the way that I look at it is

1093
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 11: that you're gathering data.

1094
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:07,960
Speaker 12: You're gathering information.

1095
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 11: So for me, I would tell a guy, listen, hey,

1096
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,800
Speaker 11: we not exclusive. So if you see me with somebody,

1097
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 11: don't look at me crazy. We were not exclusive because

1098
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 11: we ain't married. So I'm trying to figure this thing out.

1099
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 11: I wasn't a player. I was honest. I was you

1100
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:26,960
Speaker 11: only call me a player because I'm a woman.

1101
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,480
Speaker 2: A woman. Was just I was just to fred you

1102
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 2: all the.

1103
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 11: Time, right, and so I had to I kept I

1104
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:37,880
Speaker 11: kept things open in light and this guy, he just

1105
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 11: really wouldn't close the deal, you know what I'm saying.

1106
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 11: But I think that that was God's protection of me,

1107
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 11: because I think to this day he's still not married

1108
00:52:45,960 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 11: for whatever reason. But I think that you just you.

1109
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 11: I had to be able to be open and to

1110
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 11: know that I had options. And when it looked like

1111
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 11: me conversating with my husband was we were friends, and

1112
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,840
Speaker 11: I was friends with the other guy, but I always

1113
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:05,440
Speaker 11: knew that I had to be with a man that

1114
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:09,200
Speaker 11: was very smart, that was very intelligent, that was very spiritual.

1115
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:11,200
Speaker 12: And so when you started on.

1116
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 11: My list, you didn't start checking the boxes. Then I

1117
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 11: was like, well, let me shift my attention to something else.

1118
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:20,480
Speaker 11: Because I know I'm a wife. I know that I'm

1119
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 11: going to be married. It's just a matter of time

1120
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:27,040
Speaker 11: and a matter of conversation. So it wasn't really difficult

1121
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 11: for me to let him go. Like I literally tried

1122
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 11: to let him go when I felt that we were

1123
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 11: like getting really close, and I try to let him go,

1124
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 11: and he still he was looking at me.

1125
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:37,839
Speaker 12: He's like, no, I think we just need to spend

1126
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 12: more time together.

1127
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,640
Speaker 11: I think I think because you travel too much, we

1128
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 11: don't have enough time to be together. And I was like,

1129
00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,239
Speaker 11: I said, no, this ain't working, like we just we

1130
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,040
Speaker 11: should just let it go. And I had to, really

1131
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 11: I had to just leave it alone and literally get

1132
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 11: in my car and go back home.

1133
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 12: Because he did not receive what I was trying to

1134
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:54,879
Speaker 12: say to him.

1135
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 11: So I think just being open and I think also

1136
00:53:58,120 --> 00:54:01,799
Speaker 11: y'all as unmarried people, because I can't say single, but

1137
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 11: unmarried people. You need to be able every woman. Let

1138
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 11: me say this, girls, women, ladies. Every man that you

1139
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:15,480
Speaker 11: meet is not your husband. He is not your husband,

1140
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:18,080
Speaker 11: He is not your boo. He just might be a

1141
00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:20,800
Speaker 11: really good friend. He might be the person that helps

1142
00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:22,759
Speaker 11: you with your business. He might be a person that

1143
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:25,959
Speaker 11: connects you with another person. But if you immediately make

1144
00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 11: him your boo and your man, you have closed out

1145
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 11: the possibility of what he the purpose of the relationship was,

1146
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:35,480
Speaker 11: what it was supposed to be for you. So he

1147
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:37,759
Speaker 11: asked you out on a date, and before you even

1148
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 11: get to the day, you already planned how many bridesmaids

1149
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:42,280
Speaker 11: is gonna be there, and what your wedding is gonna

1150
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 11: look like, all of these things. And if you just

1151
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 11: learn how to be a man's friend, his sister, maybe

1152
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 11: you need to look at him be and your brother.

1153
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:53,480
Speaker 12: Then you wouldn't touch him until it was time.

1154
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 11: You just wouldn't touch him because the one thing, and

1155
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:59,600
Speaker 11: I want to say this about the ring I bought

1156
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,799
Speaker 11: my own self a ring because when I got when

1157
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:04,840
Speaker 11: I became thirty, because we didn't get married until I

1158
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 11: was thirty four. But when I became thirty, I was like,

1159
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:10,880
Speaker 11: you know what, I really won't I really want to

1160
00:55:10,920 --> 00:55:12,840
Speaker 11: get married lord. And the lord was like, do you

1161
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:15,239
Speaker 11: want a wedding or do you want a marriage? And

1162
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 11: I was like, hmm, I can't really answer that question.

1163
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,680
Speaker 11: So I went out and I brought me a carrot.

1164
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 11: I put that on my finger. My mother was like,

1165
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:25,239
Speaker 11: I'm crazy. She's like, ain't nobody gonna marry you because

1166
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:26,439
Speaker 11: you got this carrot on your hand.

1167
00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:27,080
Speaker 12: And I said, I.

1168
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 11: Want to take care of that because I don't want

1169
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:31,240
Speaker 11: that to be the reason why I have this marriage.

1170
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 12: I don't want that. So I brought me a carrot.

1171
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 11: Little did I know that the carrot that I bought

1172
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:40,760
Speaker 11: for myself was the baseline of what he was gonna

1173
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 11: give me. And I'm not saying, and I'm the chick.

1174
00:55:45,040 --> 00:55:46,799
Speaker 11: I would have took one hundred and fifty dollars ring.

1175
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:48,239
Speaker 12: I really would. It wouldn't have bothered me.

1176
00:55:48,560 --> 00:55:51,520
Speaker 11: But based upon what I gave myself, what I did

1177
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 11: for myself made him have to upgrade to do something

1178
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:58,920
Speaker 11: greater because I loved myself enough to do something for myself.

1179
00:55:59,520 --> 00:56:01,640
Speaker 11: So make sure that you like you to the point

1180
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 11: where somebody has to upgrade whatever they give to you

1181
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 11: because you know you and you love you to the

1182
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:08,479
Speaker 11: point where you no, Sir, I need you to tend

1183
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 11: times that now because I need a whole bunch of stuff.

1184
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 11: I just need you to know my worth. I just

1185
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 11: need to know you. I just need you to know

1186
00:56:14,600 --> 00:56:16,319
Speaker 11: that I'm worth all of that and more.

1187
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:20,640
Speaker 4: And you did that, bab second one, Eric, let.

1188
00:56:20,560 --> 00:56:21,080
Speaker 2: Me ask you this.

1189
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 3: He said that you had to overcome some of the

1190
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:28,360
Speaker 3: things that you didn't quote unquote desire, some list that

1191
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:32,879
Speaker 3: you had. What made you decide to give him a shot?

1192
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 12: What to give him a shot?

1193
00:56:38,120 --> 00:56:43,239
Speaker 11: I think because I decided to do something different. It

1194
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 11: wasn't that I couldn't get married. Many were called, but

1195
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:51,239
Speaker 11: nobody was chosen and that choice was me. So it

1196
00:56:51,280 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 11: wasn't because I couldn't get married. It was just that

1197
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:57,399
Speaker 11: they didn't just meet the criteria. And on top of that,

1198
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 11: I played house. I was like, I'm gonna show you

1199
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:04,759
Speaker 11: you don't know.

1200
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 12: I'm that girl, I'm that wife.

1201
00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 11: I can cook this, I can sold food this, I

1202
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:10,560
Speaker 11: got bena to put in in my back pocket.

1203
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:11,800
Speaker 12: I can lay it down.

1204
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 11: I can have sex with you like all the stuff

1205
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 11: I'm playing house with, no ring, no certificate, no covenant,

1206
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,120
Speaker 11: no nothing. And what God will do is the principles

1207
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 11: still remain the same. What happens when Mary couples. When

1208
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 11: when you sleep with somebody you married to them? Yeah, yeah,

1209
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 11: so how many people are you married to? No judgment

1210
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 11: because I'm that girl. I was that girl too, Okay,

1211
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 11: I'm trying to help you. And then what happens is

1212
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 11: you sleep with this person and God' is like, oh

1213
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,040
Speaker 11: so you want to act married, So let me give

1214
00:57:42,080 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 11: you all of the Mary folks problems with no annointy,

1215
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 11: no grace, no direction, no discernment, and no wisdom. And

1216
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,400
Speaker 11: then you trying to figure out how you was a

1217
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 11: real cool headed girl and now all you sudden in

1218
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,920
Speaker 11: this relationship you cuckoo for Coco pus because the enemy

1219
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 11: is running rampant in your life because you're breaking a covenant.

1220
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 11: So for me, I just had to I had to

1221
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 11: do it differently. And so I said, Lord, I like him,

1222
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 11: he is fine, and I know he a preacher, and

1223
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 11: I need you to keep me so I don't mess

1224
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 11: up with the preacher.

1225
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 2: She is trying to tempt me. Y'all.

1226
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 12: I need you, I need you to help me.

1227
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:29,120
Speaker 11: And so what I did every single night, every single

1228
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 11: time that I talked to him, I made sure my

1229
00:58:31,080 --> 00:58:35,640
Speaker 11: conversations were clear, conscious, and I looked at him as

1230
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 11: my brother.

1231
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:38,040
Speaker 12: And then before I went went to.

1232
00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 11: Bed, I said, Lord, who you got to take this?

1233
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:45,439
Speaker 11: Take take this please. I don't need no dreams about him.

1234
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 11: I don't need none of that. I need to be clear.

1235
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 11: And because I hadn't slept with him, because I hadn't

1236
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 11: slept with him, I had a clear conscious and a

1237
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,920
Speaker 11: clear mind, and my emotions were mine.

1238
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 12: They were not all over the world. He didn't have them.

1239
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:08,720
Speaker 11: He didn't have my emotions nor my body until the

1240
00:59:08,800 --> 00:59:10,880
Speaker 11: night that we got married. And I was not a virgin,

1241
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 11: but I was a virgin to him. And so I

1242
00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 11: did it the wrong way all the other times, and

1243
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 11: the one time that I did it God's way, I

1244
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 11: got my husband.

1245
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 2: The Bible was clear, I want you, nice to meet you.

1246
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,920
Speaker 3: I got him, said, don't awaken love before it's time.

1247
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,160
Speaker 3: And that is so cool. And the Bible says, be

1248
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 3: sober minded. And I love how you said that you

1249
00:59:34,880 --> 00:59:37,600
Speaker 3: didn't want to engage in any sexual acts with him

1250
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,000
Speaker 3: because you know how your mind would be, and so

1251
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:42,800
Speaker 3: you kept your mind clear and sober so you could

1252
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 3: hear the voice of God to discern whether or not

1253
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:48,360
Speaker 3: this was your husband or whether he was the John

1254
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 3: the Baptist before Jesus, you know what I'm saying. And

1255
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 3: so that's having a clear mind got you here. And

1256
00:59:55,480 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 3: I'm so glad did you find encouragement listening to her?

1257
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 3: Just say that because you're pointed out you town. We

1258
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 3: got about thirty minutes left and now we're going to

1259
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 3: do a Q and A in about ten minutes. But

1260
01:00:08,480 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 3: I want to talk to some brothers. As y'all been

1261
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 3: hearing this unpacked? What do you think about this, Dallas?

1262
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 3: Like when you hear their journey? Do you feel encouragement

1263
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 3: when you hear when you hear the women speak about

1264
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:25,439
Speaker 3: their journeys and how they desire marriage and the type

1265
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 3: of men that they've run into.

1266
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 2: Which side are you on? Are you on the one.

1267
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 3: That the guys that you feel like God has positioned

1268
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 3: you to show up as a husband in the season

1269
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:39,600
Speaker 3: of your life, or do you feel like just how

1270
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:41,360
Speaker 3: have you been internalizing this conversation.

1271
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 5: It's been very helpful, very insightful for me, just to

1272
01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 5: see that there is obvious proof right that it is

1273
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 5: possible and that my partner is out there and that

1274
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:53,880
Speaker 5: love can be found for me. I do honor the

1275
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 5: fact and I love the fact that you were very

1276
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,920
Speaker 5: intentional in your season in the way that you were

1277
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 5: leading her towards right, was that you wanted to be

1278
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 5: the outcome, because That's what I'm looking to do, right.

1279
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 5: I want to be intentional, and I don't want any

1280
01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:11,360
Speaker 5: other outlining factors of like sex or just any sort

1281
01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 5: of vices that I might have been struggling with before.

1282
01:01:13,080 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 5: I don't want any of these factors to go into

1283
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 5: what it is that I'm looking to do with this

1284
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 5: next woman, right, my next walk. I want to do

1285
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:22,200
Speaker 5: it the best way. I want to do it the

1286
01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:25,040
Speaker 5: right way and so and I want to do a

1287
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:28,240
Speaker 5: God's way. Absolutely that's her and so this is just

1288
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 5: all it's just giving me proof.

1289
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 2: It's giving me hope.

1290
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:32,400
Speaker 5: And I knew it was true before, like I know

1291
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:34,240
Speaker 5: it's out there, but again, this is this is just

1292
01:01:34,280 --> 01:01:36,320
Speaker 5: proof that it will be found.

1293
01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 3: So let me ask you this, do y'all believe in

1294
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:41,800
Speaker 3: a woman shooting her shot? This is for the whole pandem.

1295
01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 3: She said yeah, you said yeah, and she felt that

1296
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 3: in that spirit she said yeah, she said yeah. Will

1297
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:50,960
Speaker 3: said no, what do you say, Tiana?

1298
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 7: So me, personally, I don't think that a woman should

1299
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 7: shoot her shot per se. But I think there are

1300
01:01:59,160 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 7: ways that we can make our self available and show interest.

1301
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 2: How do you do that, Jana?

1302
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 7: That includes open body language, you know, facing them, eye contacts, smiling,

1303
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 7: dressing in a way that makes you feel confident and

1304
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 7: feminine and beautiful. Also engaging conversation, asking them questions as well.

1305
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:20,280
Speaker 7: You know, when you are out on a date, it's

1306
01:02:20,320 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 7: not it shouldn't just.

1307
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 13: Be about you. You should also be.

1308
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:27,640
Speaker 7: Interested in the man as well, and just yeah, just

1309
01:02:27,720 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 7: having open body language, open conversation.

1310
01:02:31,360 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 2: So, Karry, what you say, did you shoot your shot? So?

1311
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 4: I never have, but I do believe that you can.

1312
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:43,120
Speaker 3: And how would you do it? Start liking a bunch

1313
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:44,240
Speaker 3: of pictures on social media?

1314
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:44,919
Speaker 2: No?

1315
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:50,520
Speaker 4: I agree. I believe that you can do subtle things,

1316
01:02:50,560 --> 01:02:52,920
Speaker 4: but not too much. I do believe that men are pursuers,

1317
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:55,160
Speaker 4: and I believe that if a man truly wants you,

1318
01:02:56,160 --> 01:02:57,520
Speaker 4: He'll do what he gotta do to get you.

1319
01:02:57,880 --> 01:03:00,080
Speaker 3: Will do you believe that if a man really wants you,

1320
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:01,400
Speaker 3: do what you need to do.

1321
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:02,280
Speaker 2: To pursue you.

1322
01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 1: I think that that's that can be true. It is

1323
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:07,480
Speaker 1: very true that if he wants you, he'll do it, obviously.

1324
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:11,320
Speaker 3: So but well, a lot of these women feel like

1325
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 3: these men aren't operating like that, that men are so afraid.

1326
01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 3: I read this survey that says that this was the

1327
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 3: generation ze or whatever would be the they're the most

1328
01:03:23,000 --> 01:03:27,080
Speaker 3: least connected generation, that marriage rates will be lower because

1329
01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 3: they don't don't shoot.

1330
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:29,600
Speaker 2: They shot like that.

1331
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,240
Speaker 3: So so women feel like they gotta take matters in

1332
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:32,920
Speaker 3: their own hands.

1333
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think guys, Uh, it depends. I guess culture

1334
01:03:36,560 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 1: wherever you're from. I live in Memphis, not from there,

1335
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 1: but I live there. The women there, they're a little rough. Okay,

1336
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna talk to you because ain't nobody else gonna

1337
01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:49,240
Speaker 1: say a man, they're a little rough.

1338
01:03:49,800 --> 01:03:50,280
Speaker 2: Okay.

1339
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 1: I've walked up to one and I said, Hey, I

1340
01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:55,800
Speaker 1: think you're really pretty, I said, and it's a room

1341
01:03:55,840 --> 01:03:58,200
Speaker 1: for la crowded people. I said, Hey, would you mind

1342
01:03:58,200 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 1: if we sat there at that table?

1343
01:03:59,560 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 2: Had to come.

1344
01:04:00,680 --> 01:04:02,439
Speaker 1: I said, we can sit in the light where people

1345
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 1: can see us. Your friends are right here, and she said,

1346
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:09,640
Speaker 1: you can talk to us. And I said, oh no, no, no,

1347
01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 1: you're fine, it's all right. You have a good night.

1348
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 1: Because because if that's the case, I'm okay. You can

1349
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:21,720
Speaker 1: easily just say hey, no, I'm not interested. But that's

1350
01:04:21,800 --> 01:04:24,280
Speaker 1: not the case nowadays, because there are some weird people

1351
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:27,400
Speaker 1: out there, men and women, and some of them can

1352
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:30,360
Speaker 1: be a little difficult. I think that it's okay for

1353
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:33,960
Speaker 1: a woman to make her like you say, like body language,

1354
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:35,920
Speaker 1: like let us know eye contact, don't do too much

1355
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:36,080
Speaker 1: of it.

1356
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:37,120
Speaker 2: Because I'm a single.

1357
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 1: Man and I'm trying to live right before I die.

1358
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:41,720
Speaker 1: You do too much of that eye stuff, and you

1359
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:43,800
Speaker 1: look God like, you can look good like God made

1360
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:49,560
Speaker 1: you all right. But I don't believe in them shooting

1361
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:53,600
Speaker 1: their shot for me personally, because it takes the pursuit away. Yes,

1362
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 1: I was raised by grown men who took care. My

1363
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:04,920
Speaker 1: granddaddy do did everything. He carpenter, electrician, farm, all that stuff.

1364
01:05:05,080 --> 01:05:07,120
Speaker 1: I watched him do that. He put other people to work.

1365
01:05:07,160 --> 01:05:09,360
Speaker 1: I do the same thing nowadays. I'd be like, hey, buddy,

1366
01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:11,000
Speaker 1: I needed to come ride with me. Let's go do this.

1367
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:14,640
Speaker 1: I'm just like that, but it takes the pursuit away

1368
01:05:14,960 --> 01:05:17,640
Speaker 1: and doesn't give me an opportunity to show you I'm interested.

1369
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:20,800
Speaker 1: I would like to at least show you that I'm interested.

1370
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,040
Speaker 1: So shooting your shot at me is cool, but I

1371
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:25,400
Speaker 1: just rather than like, you just get that body language

1372
01:05:25,400 --> 01:05:26,080
Speaker 1: like you're interested.

1373
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:28,880
Speaker 2: But it's not common.

1374
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:30,640
Speaker 4: I believe it's not that common for men to be

1375
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:36,280
Speaker 4: that intentional. But the men, yeah, Like you have to

1376
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:38,120
Speaker 4: play a guessing game with a lot of men, whether

1377
01:05:38,160 --> 01:05:40,280
Speaker 4: they truly want to pursue you, whether they like you,

1378
01:05:40,360 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 4: whether they just want to have fun. And I believe

1379
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:44,360
Speaker 4: that so many times you don't have a lot of

1380
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:48,520
Speaker 4: experiences where where men come up to you and be like, hey,

1381
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 4: I would love to really chat with you because I

1382
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:52,440
Speaker 4: think you're beautiful. That ain't been happening.

1383
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 3: Have y'all had that experience with a guy I approach

1384
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:55,280
Speaker 3: you all in real life?

1385
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:56,120
Speaker 2: No?

1386
01:05:56,240 --> 01:05:59,919
Speaker 4: Hello, they be quiet? What you want you want to why?

1387
01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:01,680
Speaker 2: Some people be shy.

1388
01:06:01,480 --> 01:06:06,680
Speaker 4: Though, But if you want it, what you're gonna do

1389
01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:07,160
Speaker 4: about it?

1390
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:07,760
Speaker 2: Okay?

1391
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:11,600
Speaker 1: Some people are shy to a fault because you don't

1392
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 1: necessarily know what the other person is given as well,

1393
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:15,880
Speaker 1: So two things are true in that moment. So while

1394
01:06:16,520 --> 01:06:19,200
Speaker 1: he's seemingly he don't know what he want, we don't

1395
01:06:19,200 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 1: know what you won't either. We don't know if you're

1396
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:25,240
Speaker 1: gonna want us back, right, But then we're afraid of

1397
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 1: rejection too, and a lot of people don't think men are.

1398
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:29,240
Speaker 2: But we go ahead.

1399
01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:31,680
Speaker 8: Brother, you know you're you're absolutely right.

1400
01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:34,760
Speaker 6: But I think social media has disconnected us from reality.

1401
01:06:35,280 --> 01:06:37,600
Speaker 6: Like you're saying, you're giving these subtle reminders that like, oh,

1402
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:39,200
Speaker 6: I am interested in you. A lot of men don't

1403
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:40,760
Speaker 6: pick up on that because they see what they see

1404
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 6: on social media and they only know what they see

1405
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:46,120
Speaker 6: on their and like you said, what are you doing

1406
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,600
Speaker 6: like in pictures, a lot of people think, oh, I

1407
01:06:48,680 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 6: like three pictures.

1408
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 8: If she don't respond back, she's not interested.

1409
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:56,760
Speaker 1: I like your story, and now the content now on

1410
01:06:56,880 --> 01:06:59,400
Speaker 1: certain posts. If I like your story, then that's what

1411
01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 1: it means, right, And that's not what that means.

1412
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:04,760
Speaker 4: If a guy liked my story, I'm not responding to him.

1413
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:09,640
Speaker 1: If be responded like, you're absolutely true. I do think

1414
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 1: that because of the social media norms nowadays, a lot

1415
01:07:12,520 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 1: of content that you do see. It's people rejecting relationships

1416
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 1: as well, So it builds rejection in some people's hearts,

1417
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:21,360
Speaker 1: and it makes them not want to pursue, because that's consumption.

1418
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:24,400
Speaker 1: If you consume rejection, then you will fore you out rejection.

1419
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:27,560
Speaker 3: In my book Student of Love, I say a man

1420
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:31,200
Speaker 3: should pursue and not persuade, and a woman should present

1421
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:32,680
Speaker 3: and not pursue.

1422
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 2: And what that looks like is the proverbial handkerchief.

1423
01:07:36,880 --> 01:07:39,120
Speaker 3: Back in the day, a woman would just walk by

1424
01:07:39,120 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 3: a man she was interested in and drop her handkerchief,

1425
01:07:41,520 --> 01:07:43,160
Speaker 3: and a guy would come behind and pick it up

1426
01:07:43,200 --> 01:07:45,840
Speaker 3: and say, excuse me, miss, you drop this, and he'll

1427
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:48,280
Speaker 3: go hand it to her whatever, and then he may

1428
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:50,840
Speaker 3: walk her home or give her a ride home, or

1429
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:53,600
Speaker 3: have a conversation and ask her to take her out

1430
01:07:53,640 --> 01:07:56,560
Speaker 3: one day. I believe that we've missed the art of that,

1431
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:59,320
Speaker 3: and you gotta get rejected. That's just how it was

1432
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:01,480
Speaker 3: I grew upause I'm forty eight years old. I mean,

1433
01:08:01,480 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 3: that's how you get better with how to shoot your shot.

1434
01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:06,120
Speaker 3: You sharpen up your game a little bit better, but

1435
01:08:06,160 --> 01:08:12,280
Speaker 3: you gotta experience rejection. Rejection is simply redirection, and you

1436
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:15,600
Speaker 3: got understand. Everybody isn't your person, So it's okay. If

1437
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:18,240
Speaker 3: the wrong person rejects you, you have to look at

1438
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:21,439
Speaker 3: it like that. Your person will accept you, just like

1439
01:08:21,479 --> 01:08:24,080
Speaker 3: they talked about the person she was dating before it

1440
01:08:24,280 --> 01:08:26,640
Speaker 3: was the wrong person. When he showed up, he was

1441
01:08:26,680 --> 01:08:29,599
Speaker 3: the right person. And so the right person you will

1442
01:08:29,680 --> 01:08:33,280
Speaker 3: never be right for the wrong person. And you got

1443
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:35,360
Speaker 3: to be able to accept that. You gotta be able

1444
01:08:35,360 --> 01:08:37,519
Speaker 3: to accept that. But I'm old school. I don't believe

1445
01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:39,720
Speaker 3: that a woman should technically shoot a shot, but I

1446
01:08:39,720 --> 01:08:41,120
Speaker 3: do believe that she should.

1447
01:08:40,800 --> 01:08:42,640
Speaker 2: Present herself, just walk and say hi.

1448
01:08:42,840 --> 01:08:44,800
Speaker 3: It's okay to say hi, don't be out of like, so,

1449
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:45,559
Speaker 3: what's your phone number?

1450
01:08:45,600 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 2: Can I call you? Can't take you out? You know

1451
01:08:47,160 --> 01:08:48,439
Speaker 2: you ain't gotta do it all. I say hey, how

1452
01:08:48,479 --> 01:08:50,720
Speaker 2: you doing? And then he'd be like hey, and then

1453
01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:52,160
Speaker 2: that'll open up the conversation.

1454
01:08:52,320 --> 01:08:54,479
Speaker 3: And so I believe we just need to have more

1455
01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:58,760
Speaker 3: healthier interactions with each other and get offline and have

1456
01:08:58,840 --> 01:08:59,560
Speaker 3: some conversations.

1457
01:08:59,640 --> 01:09:01,000
Speaker 2: Let me ask all this before.

1458
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:02,439
Speaker 3: I opened up to a Q and a how many

1459
01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 3: y'all believe it's okay to shoot your shot at church?

1460
01:09:07,520 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 2: I'm clapping?

1461
01:09:08,760 --> 01:09:11,040
Speaker 3: How many y'all disagree that you shouldn't shoot your shot

1462
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:11,479
Speaker 3: at church.

1463
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:13,880
Speaker 2: Y'all just too saved.

1464
01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:18,080
Speaker 1: Don't you come and grab me and shot.

1465
01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:20,559
Speaker 3: We're talking about in the middle of service, while you're

1466
01:09:20,560 --> 01:09:21,320
Speaker 3: in praise and worship.

1467
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:23,360
Speaker 2: I'm talking about in the building of the church.

1468
01:09:23,680 --> 01:09:25,360
Speaker 3: Is it okay for a man to come up to

1469
01:09:25,439 --> 01:09:27,400
Speaker 3: you and say, I was noticing you worshiping.

1470
01:09:27,479 --> 01:09:29,880
Speaker 2: I was attracted to your spirit. Now im messing with you.

1471
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:33,040
Speaker 3: But is it okay for a man to say, Hey,

1472
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:35,240
Speaker 3: I've been noticing you coming to the service all time.

1473
01:09:35,280 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 3: I would just like to get an opportunity to talk

1474
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:39,000
Speaker 3: to you. Maybe we could sit in the liby and talk.

1475
01:09:39,120 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 3: Is that okay? Okay, don't make it too hard, don't

1476
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:43,879
Speaker 3: make the entry point so difficult.

1477
01:09:44,000 --> 01:09:45,240
Speaker 2: Let me get the house lights up.

1478
01:09:45,280 --> 01:09:47,840
Speaker 3: There's a microphone in the center out here's a Q

1479
01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:51,800
Speaker 3: and A addressed the panel. Ask a question, not give

1480
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:53,200
Speaker 3: a whole testimony, Just ask a.

1481
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:56,879
Speaker 15: Question, because yeah, if you don't, if you can't pursue

1482
01:09:56,920 --> 01:10:00,519
Speaker 15: inside of the same worship, talking from where you're supposed

1483
01:10:00,560 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 15: to find.

1484
01:10:00,920 --> 01:10:10,080
Speaker 7: That conversation, just to talk about what the relationship.

1485
01:10:10,920 --> 01:10:14,200
Speaker 3: Great entry point right there, Go ahead, ask a question,

1486
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:15,120
Speaker 3: introduce yourself.

1487
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:22,320
Speaker 16: Hi, my name is sequoyacuse. Sorry, so this question is

1488
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:27,920
Speaker 16: for the pastor I'm so sorry I forgot your name. Yes, yes, yes,

1489
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 16: So I am recently divorced, just of a month ago,

1490
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 16: and I'm a person who got saved and did.

1491
01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:37,960
Speaker 2: What God told me to do.

1492
01:10:38,160 --> 01:10:41,200
Speaker 16: I was I waited, I was asked it for five

1493
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:43,719
Speaker 16: years and then got married and thought I'm.

1494
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:44,599
Speaker 12: At the finish line.

1495
01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:45,200
Speaker 2: This is it.

1496
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:45,880
Speaker 12: I'm done.

1497
01:10:46,400 --> 01:10:48,680
Speaker 16: I really didn't think I would be single again, but

1498
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:52,240
Speaker 16: here I am single again. Two questions. One for you

1499
01:10:52,320 --> 01:10:54,800
Speaker 16: as the only divorced person I know. If someone else

1500
01:10:54,880 --> 01:10:57,360
Speaker 16: is divorced, go ahead and chime in. As a divorced

1501
01:10:57,479 --> 01:11:01,120
Speaker 16: person who found someone who you thought would you would

1502
01:11:01,120 --> 01:11:01,320
Speaker 16: be with.

1503
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:02,559
Speaker 2: You, we get more in the mind tos.

1504
01:11:02,560 --> 01:11:06,439
Speaker 3: Please sorry, that's not you, it's just the yeah, yes,

1505
01:11:06,920 --> 01:11:07,280
Speaker 3: go ahead.

1506
01:11:07,479 --> 01:11:09,400
Speaker 16: As someone who did what God was supposed to do.

1507
01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:11,799
Speaker 16: You were following your calling and then you got married,

1508
01:11:11,880 --> 01:11:14,240
Speaker 16: and then for that person to turn around and say

1509
01:11:14,360 --> 01:11:15,799
Speaker 16: I don't want to be married to you anymore.

1510
01:11:16,040 --> 01:11:19,679
Speaker 12: How did you reconcile with God over that? And then too?

1511
01:11:20,360 --> 01:11:23,720
Speaker 16: How were you able to get remarried without like I

1512
01:11:23,720 --> 01:11:26,160
Speaker 16: don't know if you had like biblical justification for.

1513
01:11:26,160 --> 01:11:28,320
Speaker 12: The first marriage ending.

1514
01:11:28,560 --> 01:11:31,040
Speaker 16: I do, but I know there's also a scripture that

1515
01:11:31,080 --> 01:11:34,040
Speaker 16: talks about not remarrying a divorced woman.

1516
01:11:34,120 --> 01:11:35,559
Speaker 2: So as long as a person alive.

1517
01:11:35,920 --> 01:11:38,160
Speaker 3: People hit me up talking about it, you can't remarried

1518
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 3: because your wife is still alive.

1519
01:11:39,520 --> 01:11:42,040
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm supposed to kill it. What are

1520
01:11:42,080 --> 01:11:46,240
Speaker 2: y'all saying? What? You know? It just gets real weird

1521
01:11:46,280 --> 01:11:47,000
Speaker 2: out there, But go ahead and.

1522
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:49,880
Speaker 16: Talk about I recall the first one is how you

1523
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 16: reconciled with God after doing what he's what, you know,

1524
01:11:52,439 --> 01:11:54,559
Speaker 16: following the calling, and then getting married, and then that

1525
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:55,839
Speaker 16: person rejected.

1526
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:59,639
Speaker 15: Well, I mean number one, as I said, I'm sorry

1527
01:11:59,640 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 15: that you experiencing that divorce.

1528
01:12:01,880 --> 01:12:02,280
Speaker 2: Is a death.

1529
01:12:02,640 --> 01:12:07,400
Speaker 16: And people, I'm grateful for the underful opportunity to divorce.

1530
01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:12,360
Speaker 15: I'm good, yeah, I know, but but for me, I

1531
01:12:12,400 --> 01:12:15,720
Speaker 15: never pass over that. Uh my divorce was my was

1532
01:12:15,760 --> 01:12:19,040
Speaker 15: my greatest failure. It was my greatest failure. I never

1533
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:21,840
Speaker 15: I never act like, oh well, so well, she didn't

1534
01:12:21,840 --> 01:12:24,160
Speaker 15: want none of that. It's not God's design, it's not

1535
01:12:24,280 --> 01:12:24,719
Speaker 15: his plan.

1536
01:12:25,040 --> 01:12:28,000
Speaker 2: It's a death. Two becomes one. It's a death.

1537
01:12:28,040 --> 01:12:30,360
Speaker 15: It's a ripping apart, a tearing a part of a family,

1538
01:12:30,439 --> 01:12:33,200
Speaker 15: a generation. Uh, something in my head that I never

1539
01:12:33,240 --> 01:12:35,599
Speaker 15: wanted to see happened to my bloodline and my family.

1540
01:12:35,760 --> 01:12:38,160
Speaker 15: Something my parents went through, my grandparents went through, and

1541
01:12:38,200 --> 01:12:40,519
Speaker 15: I said, not me. And here I was smack dab

1542
01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:42,639
Speaker 15: in the middle of what I said would never happen.

1543
01:12:42,800 --> 01:12:45,160
Speaker 15: So it was a death with a death. I grieved,

1544
01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:48,720
Speaker 15: I cried, I mourned. I didn't understand. I was confused.

1545
01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:52,040
Speaker 15: I asked God, why did this happen? How did this happen?

1546
01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:53,360
Speaker 15: God didn't choose her for me.

1547
01:12:53,439 --> 01:12:53,960
Speaker 2: I chose her.

1548
01:12:53,960 --> 01:12:57,840
Speaker 15: I believe God stopped choosing wives after Adam said the

1549
01:12:57,880 --> 01:13:00,120
Speaker 15: woman you gave me. God said, oh, the woman I

1550
01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:02,479
Speaker 15: gave you. Bet he that finds a wife find a

1551
01:13:02,479 --> 01:13:04,280
Speaker 15: good thing. I bet you find the next time.

1552
01:13:04,400 --> 01:13:06,360
Speaker 2: Oh I'm glad you just said that. That is so

1553
01:13:07,080 --> 01:13:07,840
Speaker 2: go ahead.

1554
01:13:07,560 --> 01:13:09,880
Speaker 15: I bet you find the next one on your own,

1555
01:13:09,920 --> 01:13:11,920
Speaker 15: and you won't blame me. So I didn't blame God.

1556
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:13,920
Speaker 15: It was my choice. It was my decision, and I

1557
01:13:13,920 --> 01:13:16,559
Speaker 15: didn't even blame her. We were young, we made a choice.

1558
01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:19,040
Speaker 15: We made a decision. I never act like I wish

1559
01:13:19,120 --> 01:13:21,919
Speaker 15: it never happened, because my oldest son is a product

1560
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:24,880
Speaker 15: of that marriage. To say I wish it never happened,

1561
01:13:24,880 --> 01:13:27,479
Speaker 15: would erase him, like back to the future when they

1562
01:13:27,520 --> 01:13:30,439
Speaker 15: started tampering with the future, it would erase him. So

1563
01:13:30,479 --> 01:13:32,840
Speaker 15: I would never erase my son. I would never say

1564
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:35,160
Speaker 15: I wish he wasn't here, I wish that never happened.

1565
01:13:35,200 --> 01:13:37,400
Speaker 15: All of it was needed, all of it was necessary.

1566
01:13:37,560 --> 01:13:39,840
Speaker 15: I mourned it, I grieved it. I got on the altar.

1567
01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:42,519
Speaker 15: I felt like a failure. I felt like my life

1568
01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:44,880
Speaker 15: was in shambles and that was all falling apart. I

1569
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:47,679
Speaker 15: had to rebuild, start from scratch. I left her everything.

1570
01:13:47,760 --> 01:13:50,240
Speaker 15: I started from nothing. I started from the ground up,

1571
01:13:50,560 --> 01:13:52,679
Speaker 15: all the way, I did, all the work, all the healing,

1572
01:13:52,760 --> 01:13:55,479
Speaker 15: and then I still got to this point where I

1573
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:57,760
Speaker 15: was like, maybe it's just not for me. Maybe I'm

1574
01:13:57,800 --> 01:14:00,480
Speaker 15: just gonna be single because I too, as a teenager

1575
01:14:00,600 --> 01:14:04,439
Speaker 15: nineteen years old, sexually actor, promiscuous in the world, being me,

1576
01:14:04,600 --> 01:14:07,439
Speaker 15: doing me. Then when I got saved, for seven years

1577
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:11,080
Speaker 15: leading up to that marriage, I practiced abstinence. So here

1578
01:14:11,120 --> 01:14:14,240
Speaker 15: I am seven years after being sexually active. Now I

1579
01:14:14,280 --> 01:14:16,760
Speaker 15: have no sex for seven years. I do it God's way.

1580
01:14:17,040 --> 01:14:19,400
Speaker 15: I think this is for life. And now you tell

1581
01:14:19,479 --> 01:14:24,479
Speaker 15: me after our invitations actually included the calling that is

1582
01:14:24,479 --> 01:14:26,519
Speaker 15: on my life that you no longer want to be married,

1583
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,120
Speaker 15: and that was the reason why. And I had to

1584
01:14:29,160 --> 01:14:32,560
Speaker 15: deal with the reconciliation of that. So when that chapter closed,

1585
01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:35,040
Speaker 15: that's where the death, that's where the grief was, and

1586
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:35,559
Speaker 15: I didn't.

1587
01:14:35,800 --> 01:14:36,200
Speaker 2: I didn't.

1588
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:39,760
Speaker 15: I didn't spiritualize it. I mourned it, I grieved it.

1589
01:14:39,840 --> 01:14:41,840
Speaker 15: I dealt with it as a failure as it was.

1590
01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:44,639
Speaker 15: And I grabbed my son, held him close and said,

1591
01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:47,200
Speaker 15: even though me and your mama didn't work, we will work, okay.

1592
01:14:47,720 --> 01:14:49,080
Speaker 2: I and I stood in that.

1593
01:14:49,120 --> 01:14:53,040
Speaker 15: Space, so that reconciliation brought closer that I had a

1594
01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:53,839
Speaker 15: clear consciousness.

1595
01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:56,160
Speaker 2: I didn't ask for a divorce, so according to scripture,

1596
01:14:56,720 --> 01:14:57,080
Speaker 2: I was.

1597
01:14:57,320 --> 01:15:00,080
Speaker 15: I wasn't the one that was petitioning to do so,

1598
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:02,439
Speaker 15: I was the one. I was the one that did

1599
01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:05,320
Speaker 15: not file for divorce, even though I wanted to and

1600
01:15:05,360 --> 01:15:08,440
Speaker 15: have rights to. She decided that it was her grandfather

1601
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:11,360
Speaker 15: that walked me through the grace of that and.

1602
01:15:11,280 --> 01:15:11,880
Speaker 2: How that went.

1603
01:15:12,080 --> 01:15:14,439
Speaker 15: He asked me to be patient, even though I was

1604
01:15:14,479 --> 01:15:16,840
Speaker 15: ready to not be patient because she was doing what

1605
01:15:16,920 --> 01:15:18,880
Speaker 15: she was doing and I was over here doing what

1606
01:15:18,920 --> 01:15:19,360
Speaker 15: I was doing.

1607
01:15:19,400 --> 01:15:20,360
Speaker 2: Trying to go for God.

1608
01:15:20,560 --> 01:15:23,200
Speaker 15: And then that patience, she finally served me the papers,

1609
01:15:23,320 --> 01:15:26,800
Speaker 15: which in my mind released me, freed me from the situation.

1610
01:15:27,240 --> 01:15:31,040
Speaker 15: And so in that regards, that's how I had fresh slate,

1611
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:34,400
Speaker 15: clean slate. And now I'm just in this place where

1612
01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:38,320
Speaker 15: here we are, and then I meet my wife now

1613
01:15:37,840 --> 01:15:40,599
Speaker 15: and now. And it was people in her family also

1614
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:44,559
Speaker 15: that used that scripture against us to try to suggest

1615
01:15:44,600 --> 01:15:47,479
Speaker 15: that we should not be married because I was once married.

1616
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:50,320
Speaker 15: And then her mama wrote them a long letter and

1617
01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:54,479
Speaker 15: invited him to not come to our wedding, okay, and

1618
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:57,880
Speaker 15: disinvited him and said, you're entitled to your perspective and

1619
01:15:57,920 --> 01:16:00,920
Speaker 15: your opinion, but we need everybody in the room.

1620
01:16:00,360 --> 01:16:02,800
Speaker 2: To be connected to the covenant that's happening.

1621
01:16:02,479 --> 01:16:04,960
Speaker 15: Here, and if you can't sit in the room and

1622
01:16:05,000 --> 01:16:07,080
Speaker 15: be a part of the covenant, then you can't come

1623
01:16:07,120 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 15: to the wedding. And so she disinvited him. We reconcile

1624
01:16:11,080 --> 01:16:13,920
Speaker 15: that that didn't work, but that doesn't mean this wouldn't work,

1625
01:16:14,160 --> 01:16:17,320
Speaker 15: and we committed and connected to the relationship that we

1626
01:16:17,320 --> 01:16:20,920
Speaker 15: were in. And I made a file that I would

1627
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:24,599
Speaker 15: not penalize my wife for any of the problems that

1628
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:28,360
Speaker 15: I had in my own other relationship, so I had

1629
01:16:28,400 --> 01:16:30,479
Speaker 15: to do the work I had to heal. I had

1630
01:16:30,520 --> 01:16:34,599
Speaker 15: to not allow that stain or that steing to happen

1631
01:16:34,680 --> 01:16:37,480
Speaker 15: to me so that I wouldn't project that here. That's maturity,

1632
01:16:37,720 --> 01:16:40,080
Speaker 15: that's growth, and that's what I decided to do. And

1633
01:16:40,120 --> 01:16:42,360
Speaker 15: even though that marriage would short lived and didn't work,

1634
01:16:42,640 --> 01:16:46,000
Speaker 15: her long term relationship with her BOO was actually longer

1635
01:16:46,000 --> 01:16:50,080
Speaker 15: than my marriage. So she was in a situationship longer

1636
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:52,320
Speaker 15: than I was in a marriage ship. And we both

1637
01:16:52,360 --> 01:16:54,880
Speaker 15: had maturity enough to come and say we gonna be

1638
01:16:54,960 --> 01:16:57,120
Speaker 15: what we wanted and what we desire and not what

1639
01:16:57,200 --> 01:16:59,280
Speaker 15: we had, because if we keep doing what we had,

1640
01:16:59,320 --> 01:17:03,400
Speaker 15: we'll project and reproduce inside of our covenant what didn't

1641
01:17:03,479 --> 01:17:06,680
Speaker 15: happen right outside of the covenant. So make sure you

1642
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,320
Speaker 15: heal your baggage so you don't bring no baggage.

1643
01:17:08,960 --> 01:17:11,839
Speaker 2: To your supers. That's good. I'll answer them both questions.

1644
01:17:12,120 --> 01:17:15,040
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. I'll go short.

1645
01:17:15,800 --> 01:17:19,760
Speaker 17: Hey everyone, my name is Aretha Boomer, So first, dear

1646
01:17:19,880 --> 01:17:23,439
Speaker 17: future WIFEI podcast has been a tremendous blessing to me,

1647
01:17:24,040 --> 01:17:25,839
Speaker 17: and I pray one day I'll be on your podcast.

1648
01:17:25,880 --> 01:17:29,479
Speaker 12: I'm gonna speaker in resistence. Okay, so my name, I'm.

1649
01:17:31,439 --> 01:17:34,280
Speaker 17: I'm thirty four years old. I've been single for twelve years.

1650
01:17:34,320 --> 01:17:37,160
Speaker 17: I've been standing from sex for twelve years. I have

1651
01:17:37,200 --> 01:17:40,840
Speaker 17: a strong desire for marriage. I believe that God is

1652
01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:43,680
Speaker 17: going to use my master to break generational curses and

1653
01:17:43,680 --> 01:17:48,080
Speaker 17: build your generational wealth. So how do I maintain the

1654
01:17:48,200 --> 01:17:50,839
Speaker 17: desire for marriage without making it into idle?

1655
01:17:52,360 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 2: That's good. I want a woman to speak on that.

1656
01:17:55,960 --> 01:17:56,880
Speaker 12: I guess I could start.

1657
01:17:57,280 --> 01:18:00,599
Speaker 13: Okay, so it just says that I would.

1658
01:18:01,200 --> 01:18:06,400
Speaker 7: I would say, first of all, continue to stay around community,

1659
01:18:06,560 --> 01:18:09,639
Speaker 7: continue to stay connected to the lore. Also, X, don't

1660
01:18:09,680 --> 01:18:14,280
Speaker 7: be afraid to express your your emotions, your desires, your wants,

1661
01:18:14,360 --> 01:18:17,360
Speaker 7: everything to God. Like one of the things that you

1662
01:18:17,400 --> 01:18:21,679
Speaker 7: had asked us about earlier, literis was lists. For me personally,

1663
01:18:21,760 --> 01:18:26,160
Speaker 7: I still keep a list. My list has changed. That's

1664
01:18:26,200 --> 01:18:30,360
Speaker 7: because I've realized as I've grown, Like obviously, I don't

1665
01:18:30,400 --> 01:18:33,040
Speaker 7: desire the same the same things.

1666
01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:33,920
Speaker 13: That I did like years ago.

1667
01:18:34,080 --> 01:18:38,080
Speaker 7: But I still think it's important to be very specific

1668
01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 7: in our prayers. Obviously, yes, you know, submit those things

1669
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:45,599
Speaker 7: to the Lord, because uh he he, what he desires

1670
01:18:45,640 --> 01:18:49,280
Speaker 7: for us is supersedes what we desire for ourselves, but

1671
01:18:49,439 --> 01:18:53,280
Speaker 7: definitely stay connected to community, grow your relationship with the Lord.

1672
01:18:53,439 --> 01:18:57,360
Speaker 7: Make sure that you find a man who lines up

1673
01:18:57,360 --> 01:19:00,599
Speaker 7: with the Lord, like in his relationship with the Lord.

1674
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:02,960
Speaker 13: As well as.

1675
01:19:02,920 --> 01:19:05,120
Speaker 7: Like asking questions, Like I said, ask them questions, what

1676
01:19:05,160 --> 01:19:07,759
Speaker 7: does his walk look like? Because just because they say

1677
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:10,280
Speaker 7: they are a Christian or they are a man of God,

1678
01:19:10,600 --> 01:19:12,560
Speaker 7: or even in your friendships, just because they say that

1679
01:19:12,600 --> 01:19:15,320
Speaker 7: they're a woman of God, like what does that look like?

1680
01:19:15,640 --> 01:19:15,800
Speaker 8: Right?

1681
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:18,960
Speaker 7: And so just like when we enter into a covenant

1682
01:19:19,040 --> 01:19:22,000
Speaker 7: of marriage, I feel like our friendships are kind of

1683
01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:27,360
Speaker 7: covenants as well because they influence us. And so also

1684
01:19:27,479 --> 01:19:31,080
Speaker 7: realize that the places that you go or that you

1685
01:19:31,240 --> 01:19:34,000
Speaker 7: used to go, or that you used to attend, you

1686
01:19:34,080 --> 01:19:36,439
Speaker 7: may not be able to attend those places anymore.

1687
01:19:36,520 --> 01:19:39,160
Speaker 3: You may not be able to Well, she's speaking more,

1688
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:43,200
Speaker 3: she's speaking more of an idol like to literally, how

1689
01:19:43,280 --> 01:19:45,719
Speaker 3: I hear a lot of women say like they will

1690
01:19:45,800 --> 01:19:48,760
Speaker 3: be nothing if they don't have a husband, if they

1691
01:19:48,800 --> 01:19:49,519
Speaker 3: don't get married.

1692
01:19:49,800 --> 01:19:52,280
Speaker 2: So how does she prioritize marriage?

1693
01:19:52,320 --> 01:19:55,519
Speaker 3: But don't put it above God, because the God the

1694
01:19:55,520 --> 01:19:58,639
Speaker 3: Bible says thou shall not be any you know, graving

1695
01:19:58,720 --> 01:20:01,320
Speaker 3: images or idols above me. So what happens a lot

1696
01:20:01,320 --> 01:20:04,439
Speaker 3: of times in a woman's life, they'd be like, if

1697
01:20:04,479 --> 01:20:07,639
Speaker 3: I don't get married, then this, and so she's saying,

1698
01:20:07,720 --> 01:20:09,439
Speaker 3: how does she find that balance?

1699
01:20:09,560 --> 01:20:09,840
Speaker 2: Okay?

1700
01:20:10,120 --> 01:20:13,839
Speaker 7: I think it goes back to identity and just knowing

1701
01:20:14,320 --> 01:20:18,519
Speaker 7: that you have a purpose whether or not you're in

1702
01:20:18,560 --> 01:20:23,240
Speaker 7: a relationship or not, and because that's going to kind

1703
01:20:23,280 --> 01:20:27,160
Speaker 7: of keep things in order. So when you're not over

1704
01:20:27,280 --> 01:20:32,200
Speaker 7: obsessing about a relationship or Lord, like what season am

1705
01:20:32,200 --> 01:20:34,439
Speaker 7: I in or just kind of the season that God

1706
01:20:34,520 --> 01:20:37,000
Speaker 7: has you in, and you just stay focused on Him,

1707
01:20:37,160 --> 01:20:39,760
Speaker 7: I think that's going to put things back into order.

1708
01:20:39,840 --> 01:20:42,840
Speaker 7: So it's God first, right, and then it's your relationship

1709
01:20:42,880 --> 01:20:43,639
Speaker 7: with him second.

1710
01:20:44,200 --> 01:20:48,400
Speaker 3: Good good, good, thank you, thank you, thank you. Gonna

1711
01:20:48,439 --> 01:20:50,040
Speaker 3: try to get through as many questions as possible.

1712
01:20:50,080 --> 01:20:51,240
Speaker 2: Let's go really quick.

1713
01:20:51,439 --> 01:20:55,559
Speaker 18: Taj Ups from Ohio twenty four years old. My question

1714
01:20:55,720 --> 01:20:59,760
Speaker 18: is both to Pastor Glenn and the singles.

1715
01:21:00,720 --> 01:21:03,360
Speaker 8: I was divorced two years ago.

1716
01:21:04,240 --> 01:21:05,200
Speaker 2: I chose divorce.

1717
01:21:06,200 --> 01:21:09,840
Speaker 18: I married young, and so I was in the military

1718
01:21:09,880 --> 01:21:16,440
Speaker 18: recently got out questioned divorce being a red flag nowadays.

1719
01:21:16,560 --> 01:21:19,719
Speaker 18: I do want to know why and how soon should

1720
01:21:19,720 --> 01:21:20,360
Speaker 18: I bring it up?

1721
01:21:20,439 --> 01:21:20,720
Speaker 8: Right now?

1722
01:21:20,760 --> 01:21:23,840
Speaker 18: I'm bringing it up immediately straight off, right, and then

1723
01:21:23,880 --> 01:21:26,160
Speaker 18: why is it a divorce for the singles?

1724
01:21:26,240 --> 01:21:27,479
Speaker 2: Right? Why is this a thing?

1725
01:21:28,360 --> 01:21:31,920
Speaker 18: Because I'm a preacher, right, and so I'm quick, I'm like, hey,

1726
01:21:32,240 --> 01:21:34,400
Speaker 18: you know I got divorced. I chose wrong. I was

1727
01:21:34,439 --> 01:21:38,519
Speaker 18: young and then I am a husband. Like Pastor Glenn said,

1728
01:21:38,560 --> 01:21:40,840
Speaker 18: you know who you are and you know what you want,

1729
01:21:41,160 --> 01:21:42,080
Speaker 18: and so you'll.

1730
01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:44,640
Speaker 2: Shop wherever that thing is.

1731
01:21:44,680 --> 01:21:47,519
Speaker 18: And mine is in Christian settings, right, so in church

1732
01:21:48,120 --> 01:21:51,519
Speaker 18: when I travel on cruises, right, self care and stuff

1733
01:21:51,560 --> 01:21:53,599
Speaker 18: like that. So those are my two questions for both

1734
01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:57,479
Speaker 18: Pastor Glenn, the married couples and the singles.

1735
01:21:57,520 --> 01:21:59,840
Speaker 1: I got you on the second question you ask, appreciate

1736
01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:02,880
Speaker 1: it divorce? When you say you bring it up right away,

1737
01:22:02,920 --> 01:22:05,479
Speaker 1: sometimes that's a defense tactic, just so that somebody doesn't

1738
01:22:05,520 --> 01:22:07,599
Speaker 1: judge you for something that you dealt with.

1739
01:22:08,479 --> 01:22:09,840
Speaker 2: I used to do the same thing.

1740
01:22:10,080 --> 01:22:12,880
Speaker 1: Where I would automatically just bring to the table the

1741
01:22:13,000 --> 01:22:15,960
Speaker 1: flaw and give them an opportunity. And I called it choice,

1742
01:22:16,000 --> 01:22:19,240
Speaker 1: but it really was defense because if you can't receive

1743
01:22:19,320 --> 01:22:21,760
Speaker 1: that from me, then I automatically know you're not for me.

1744
01:22:22,080 --> 01:22:24,160
Speaker 1: But that's not true because you don't know what somebody

1745
01:22:24,200 --> 01:22:26,680
Speaker 1: can receive if you just automatically throw it at them.

1746
01:22:26,760 --> 01:22:28,560
Speaker 1: Get to know them first is what I had to

1747
01:22:28,640 --> 01:22:29,120
Speaker 1: learn how to.

1748
01:22:29,040 --> 01:22:30,640
Speaker 18: Do rather than transparency.

1749
01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:34,680
Speaker 1: Question transparent. Transparency is cool. There's nothing wrong with transparency.

1750
01:22:34,840 --> 01:22:37,000
Speaker 1: I do believe it. It offers an opportunity for people

1751
01:22:37,040 --> 01:22:38,639
Speaker 1: to ask the questions that they don't know to ask.

1752
01:22:38,680 --> 01:22:39,920
Speaker 2: I learned that from your podcast.

1753
01:22:40,479 --> 01:22:46,000
Speaker 1: But the beautiful part is transparency doesn't mean overshare. Yeah,

1754
01:22:46,720 --> 01:22:49,160
Speaker 1: so give people an opportunity to get to know you

1755
01:22:49,439 --> 01:22:51,160
Speaker 1: and not the thing that you went through.

1756
01:22:52,320 --> 01:22:57,360
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, as a good perspective, go ahead.

1757
01:22:59,600 --> 01:23:02,519
Speaker 15: The other question, the other question you asked was was

1758
01:23:02,560 --> 01:23:03,479
Speaker 15: what connected to that?

1759
01:23:03,760 --> 01:23:06,080
Speaker 2: Say it again? That's so yeah.

1760
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:09,240
Speaker 18: So with that me being, you know, divorced at a

1761
01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:11,080
Speaker 18: young age and stuff like that, I do want to

1762
01:23:11,160 --> 01:23:12,840
Speaker 18: know how did you.

1763
01:23:12,880 --> 01:23:13,840
Speaker 2: Know as soon?

1764
01:23:15,360 --> 01:23:15,800
Speaker 3: But what do you do?

1765
01:23:17,000 --> 01:23:19,240
Speaker 18: Let's go here because I forgot what is some of

1766
01:23:19,280 --> 01:23:22,160
Speaker 18: your advice to me? I've been listening to you right

1767
01:23:22,200 --> 01:23:24,840
Speaker 18: What is some of your advice for somebody that is

1768
01:23:24,960 --> 01:23:27,840
Speaker 18: mirrored right there in the same situation that you once

1769
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:28,400
Speaker 18: went through.

1770
01:23:29,479 --> 01:23:32,080
Speaker 15: I think that it's really what he just said, having

1771
01:23:32,120 --> 01:23:35,800
Speaker 15: a clear perspective of where you are healing properly and

1772
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:38,240
Speaker 15: knowing what it is that you're after. If you're looking

1773
01:23:38,240 --> 01:23:40,680
Speaker 15: for a wife, then look for a wife and maintain that.

1774
01:23:40,720 --> 01:23:43,760
Speaker 15: Don't look for a girlfriend, look for a wife. Be

1775
01:23:43,920 --> 01:23:48,120
Speaker 15: clear about what it is that you're after, and lead

1776
01:23:48,160 --> 01:23:52,120
Speaker 15: it with integrity, and in that space, then it is

1777
01:23:52,200 --> 01:23:56,479
Speaker 15: your responsibility to find, but finding with the integrity, so

1778
01:23:56,520 --> 01:23:59,080
Speaker 15: you're not kind of like dipping around. When she says

1779
01:23:59,120 --> 01:24:02,040
Speaker 15: we didn't date, that's what she means. I wasn't afforded

1780
01:24:02,080 --> 01:24:05,240
Speaker 15: the opportunity to be a dater because of my position.

1781
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:08,400
Speaker 15: I couldn't be Oh, you like her, then you with her,

1782
01:24:08,520 --> 01:24:11,080
Speaker 15: because then you get a reputation. So I protected the

1783
01:24:11,160 --> 01:24:14,680
Speaker 15: integrity of who of my name by not by not

1784
01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:16,320
Speaker 15: dibbling and dabbling.

1785
01:24:15,920 --> 01:24:16,479
Speaker 2: But looking.

1786
01:24:16,840 --> 01:24:20,960
Speaker 15: Because Bible says when Adam saw Eve, he said, whoa man?

1787
01:24:21,439 --> 01:24:23,919
Speaker 15: This this bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

1788
01:24:24,040 --> 01:24:26,960
Speaker 15: He identified her when he saw her. So I think,

1789
01:24:27,200 --> 01:24:30,680
Speaker 15: you keep looking, you keep pursuing, but you keep your integrity,

1790
01:24:30,880 --> 01:24:34,040
Speaker 15: so you protect your name and your reputation so you

1791
01:24:34,080 --> 01:24:36,800
Speaker 15: don't be noted as the preacher that's a serial dater.

1792
01:24:36,960 --> 01:24:37,360
Speaker 2: That part.

1793
01:24:37,360 --> 01:24:38,040
Speaker 8: Appreciate it.

1794
01:24:38,439 --> 01:24:41,719
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you so much, it's a little.

1795
01:24:41,520 --> 01:24:41,960
Speaker 18: Tall to me.

1796
01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:44,240
Speaker 12: Something take down. My name is Brianna.

1797
01:24:44,240 --> 01:24:45,880
Speaker 10: I'm gonna try to keep this question a little quick,

1798
01:24:45,880 --> 01:24:49,799
Speaker 10: but it's a twofold. So I know I'm a wife

1799
01:24:50,080 --> 01:24:52,360
Speaker 10: and I want marriage, desire marriage. I know God get

1800
01:24:52,439 --> 01:24:54,559
Speaker 10: the desires of her heart when it aligns with his.

1801
01:24:54,760 --> 01:24:58,479
Speaker 10: And but my issue is I approached dating from an

1802
01:24:58,520 --> 01:25:01,400
Speaker 10: intentional lens, and I know what I want, and the

1803
01:25:01,439 --> 01:25:05,080
Speaker 10: more work that God does on me and forces me

1804
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:10,360
Speaker 10: to do on myself, I know that he keeps the

1805
01:25:10,880 --> 01:25:15,240
Speaker 10: playing field very limited, which I get as intentional. But

1806
01:25:15,320 --> 01:25:20,160
Speaker 10: I do feel that for one the I get the

1807
01:25:20,160 --> 01:25:23,559
Speaker 10: wrong attention and I don't understand for the life of

1808
01:25:23,600 --> 01:25:25,840
Speaker 10: me why. I know this counterfeits, but it's also like

1809
01:25:26,760 --> 01:25:30,599
Speaker 10: completely the very opposite of anything that aligns with anything

1810
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:32,120
Speaker 10: I'm about, and I don't get it.

1811
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:33,559
Speaker 5: I don't.

1812
01:25:33,680 --> 01:25:35,880
Speaker 10: It's not anything I give off, I don't think. But

1813
01:25:36,920 --> 01:25:40,000
Speaker 10: I So what's the question I'm trying to understand, like

1814
01:25:40,840 --> 01:25:44,680
Speaker 10: how I can read away the counterfeits.

1815
01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:45,719
Speaker 12: And my other part.

1816
01:25:45,600 --> 01:25:48,920
Speaker 10: Is just like I also I feel like there's a

1817
01:25:48,920 --> 01:25:52,559
Speaker 10: lot of plausible deniables, like in terms of male friends

1818
01:25:52,560 --> 01:25:53,720
Speaker 10: and things like that as well.

1819
01:25:55,080 --> 01:26:02,760
Speaker 3: So what's the question.

1820
01:26:04,960 --> 01:26:07,280
Speaker 2: You said. You said, there's a lot of plausible denivels

1821
01:26:07,280 --> 01:26:07,879
Speaker 2: as friends.

1822
01:26:08,920 --> 01:26:11,479
Speaker 10: Basically, how do I keep away people who are either

1823
01:26:11,560 --> 01:26:14,240
Speaker 10: unintentional who are not lined with the standard that I want,

1824
01:26:14,320 --> 01:26:18,120
Speaker 10: that are not saved that but keep coming my way,

1825
01:26:18,439 --> 01:26:22,479
Speaker 10: and people who are just friends but hide behind so

1826
01:26:22,600 --> 01:26:23,560
Speaker 10: real quickly.

1827
01:26:23,960 --> 01:26:26,519
Speaker 2: The light attracts everything you're going.

1828
01:26:26,600 --> 01:26:29,920
Speaker 3: You're gonna attract flies, You're gonna track butterflies, You're gon

1829
01:26:29,920 --> 01:26:32,400
Speaker 3: attract at all. It's your discernment whether or not you

1830
01:26:32,560 --> 01:26:35,679
Speaker 3: entertain that which you are attracting. So you can't get

1831
01:26:35,680 --> 01:26:38,640
Speaker 3: mad that you're attracting everything. You just don't have to

1832
01:26:38,760 --> 01:26:41,519
Speaker 3: entertain everything that you're attracting. So it's more of a

1833
01:26:41,680 --> 01:26:44,519
Speaker 3: you situation where you just say, oh no, your gift

1834
01:26:44,520 --> 01:26:47,040
Speaker 3: of discernment says, I'm not you know you, you I

1835
01:26:47,200 --> 01:26:49,160
Speaker 3: met you, You ain't. You ain't getting none of my time.

1836
01:26:49,280 --> 01:26:51,840
Speaker 3: That's it through your gift of discernment. But you ain't

1837
01:26:51,840 --> 01:26:54,720
Speaker 3: got to entertain everything that you're attracting. And it's a

1838
01:26:54,760 --> 01:26:57,439
Speaker 3: lot of women that may be a little envious of

1839
01:26:57,479 --> 01:27:01,440
Speaker 3: saying you're attracting all this. Please let me act some options,

1840
01:27:01,720 --> 01:27:03,839
Speaker 3: you know, so I can least say no to the options.

1841
01:27:04,120 --> 01:27:05,760
Speaker 3: But so that's why I said, a lot of times

1842
01:27:05,800 --> 01:27:08,160
Speaker 3: what you may feel is something that may be negative,

1843
01:27:08,439 --> 01:27:11,640
Speaker 3: that it is positive because you're just sifting through the

1844
01:27:12,479 --> 01:27:15,880
Speaker 3: nonsense and you got to determine whether or not. You

1845
01:27:16,240 --> 01:27:18,760
Speaker 3: don't entertain that too long where it's stopping you from

1846
01:27:18,760 --> 01:27:20,960
Speaker 3: meeting the person that you're supposed to meet. I want

1847
01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:22,720
Speaker 3: to say something to the guy that just left that's

1848
01:27:22,800 --> 01:27:24,880
Speaker 3: twenty two years old, the fact that or twenty what

1849
01:27:24,880 --> 01:27:27,720
Speaker 3: do you say, twenty four, twenty four got married at

1850
01:27:27,720 --> 01:27:31,720
Speaker 3: twenty two, The fact that you still desire marriage at

1851
01:27:31,720 --> 01:27:34,360
Speaker 3: that young age. I want to salute you and applaud

1852
01:27:34,439 --> 01:27:36,000
Speaker 3: you because you're young.

1853
01:27:36,200 --> 01:27:37,600
Speaker 2: You're young, and you still.

1854
01:27:37,360 --> 01:27:41,000
Speaker 3: Desire, you have a value around marriage, and so I

1855
01:27:41,040 --> 01:27:43,240
Speaker 3: don't want to let that just, you know, follow on

1856
01:27:43,280 --> 01:27:46,720
Speaker 3: deaf ears that I salute you King for still desiring

1857
01:27:46,800 --> 01:27:49,960
Speaker 3: marriage after going through a divorce, because a lot of

1858
01:27:50,000 --> 01:27:52,080
Speaker 3: times at that young age, when you get hurt, you'd

1859
01:27:52,080 --> 01:27:52,439
Speaker 3: be like, all.

1860
01:27:52,439 --> 01:27:52,960
Speaker 2: Right, I'm done.

1861
01:27:53,000 --> 01:27:55,160
Speaker 3: I'm too young to even do this in the first place,

1862
01:27:55,320 --> 01:27:57,479
Speaker 3: and you wait the thirty forty fifty years old before

1863
01:27:57,520 --> 01:27:59,320
Speaker 3: you do it again. So I just want you to

1864
01:27:59,680 --> 01:28:02,000
Speaker 3: not go weird and you're well doing for induce season,

1865
01:28:02,000 --> 01:28:03,719
Speaker 3: you shall reap if you faint.

1866
01:28:04,200 --> 01:28:08,000
Speaker 15: Not we're about to say King Terris, I was gonna say, uh,

1867
01:28:08,400 --> 01:28:10,919
Speaker 15: And I mean that's in love, but in all honesty,

1868
01:28:11,040 --> 01:28:15,240
Speaker 15: if you continue to attract something that you think is

1869
01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:17,960
Speaker 15: opposite of you, that there's a phrase.

1870
01:28:17,760 --> 01:28:18,759
Speaker 2: Called soul searching.

1871
01:28:19,280 --> 01:28:22,720
Speaker 15: I always say that the soul attracts what the soul is, right,

1872
01:28:23,280 --> 01:28:26,400
Speaker 15: and sometimes that is not.

1873
01:28:26,640 --> 01:28:29,000
Speaker 2: Attractive when you see what you keep drawing.

1874
01:28:29,479 --> 01:28:31,519
Speaker 15: But you have to ask yourself, what is it in

1875
01:28:31,680 --> 01:28:35,920
Speaker 15: me that keeps thinking that you have a shot with me?

1876
01:28:36,600 --> 01:28:39,479
Speaker 2: What is in me? What has I told my daughter?

1877
01:28:39,600 --> 01:28:43,280
Speaker 15: I told my daughter I said, if a man ever

1878
01:28:43,640 --> 01:28:47,519
Speaker 15: tries to get in a relationship with you without coming

1879
01:28:47,560 --> 01:28:51,879
Speaker 15: through me, he's testing you. He's not testing me, because

1880
01:28:51,960 --> 01:28:55,920
Speaker 15: he understands our relationship. And if he think he can

1881
01:28:55,960 --> 01:28:58,760
Speaker 15: go around me to get right to you, then he's

1882
01:28:58,760 --> 01:29:02,680
Speaker 15: seeing how real relationship is, if that's even an opportunity.

1883
01:29:03,040 --> 01:29:06,600
Speaker 15: Because the soul attracts what the soul is. And so

1884
01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:11,320
Speaker 15: if you keep seeing these reoccurring scenarios that keep showing

1885
01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:14,200
Speaker 15: up in your relationship life, you have to go sit

1886
01:29:14,280 --> 01:29:19,080
Speaker 15: with yourself and ask yourself, what in my history? What brokenness,

1887
01:29:19,120 --> 01:29:24,519
Speaker 15: what openness? What neediness? Do I keep projecting that thinks

1888
01:29:24,600 --> 01:29:28,559
Speaker 15: that you can approach me in this manner, that continues

1889
01:29:28,640 --> 01:29:31,559
Speaker 15: to think that I'm gonna settle for that or be

1890
01:29:31,720 --> 01:29:35,040
Speaker 15: open to that, And if I don't sit with my soul. So,

1891
01:29:35,320 --> 01:29:37,799
Speaker 15: because we talk a lot in church about flesh and spirit,

1892
01:29:38,000 --> 01:29:39,920
Speaker 15: but we don't talk about soul. But a man is

1893
01:29:39,960 --> 01:29:42,720
Speaker 15: three parts body, soul, and spirit. And what happens to

1894
01:29:42,760 --> 01:29:45,160
Speaker 15: your life happens to your soul. And the soul is

1895
01:29:45,200 --> 01:29:47,800
Speaker 15: the part of you that makes decisions. The soul is

1896
01:29:47,840 --> 01:29:51,000
Speaker 15: your will, your emotions, So all of that, everything that

1897
01:29:51,040 --> 01:29:53,479
Speaker 15: you've gone through has gone through your soul. And if

1898
01:29:53,479 --> 01:29:55,559
Speaker 15: you don't have a real that's why they call it

1899
01:29:55,600 --> 01:29:58,080
Speaker 15: soul ties. If you don't have a real sit down

1900
01:29:58,080 --> 01:30:01,120
Speaker 15: with your soul and healing your soul, then you can't

1901
01:30:01,200 --> 01:30:05,439
Speaker 15: even attract what it is that your spirit desires, because

1902
01:30:05,439 --> 01:30:08,760
Speaker 15: your soul keeps filtering through your flesh what it is

1903
01:30:08,800 --> 01:30:12,120
Speaker 15: that you really want. And so it's not spirit soul body,

1904
01:30:12,400 --> 01:30:15,720
Speaker 15: it's body soul, spirit, And so your flesh keep being

1905
01:30:15,760 --> 01:30:18,639
Speaker 15: in front of what your spirit desire is and your

1906
01:30:18,680 --> 01:30:21,559
Speaker 15: soul is filtering those decisions. That's why you keep on

1907
01:30:22,040 --> 01:30:26,280
Speaker 15: attracting what you think is different from what you want.

1908
01:30:26,479 --> 01:30:29,000
Speaker 2: So sit with your soul and let your soul heal.

1909
01:30:29,080 --> 01:30:30,879
Speaker 2: He restores mind, soul.

1910
01:30:31,120 --> 01:30:34,720
Speaker 15: Let your soul heal properly so that you can be

1911
01:30:34,760 --> 01:30:36,680
Speaker 15: in a healthy space, so you can give the love

1912
01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:39,439
Speaker 15: that you desire properly, so then the love that you

1913
01:30:39,560 --> 01:30:42,400
Speaker 15: desire can be the same love that you're attracted to.

1914
01:30:42,720 --> 01:30:45,839
Speaker 3: And then be comfortable if your phone is dry, because

1915
01:30:46,479 --> 01:30:48,880
Speaker 3: you got to get comfortable then because if you ain't

1916
01:30:48,880 --> 01:30:51,240
Speaker 3: getting nobody when you go into the gas station talking

1917
01:30:51,280 --> 01:30:54,400
Speaker 3: about hey, little mama, you show it's fine that stops.

1918
01:30:54,760 --> 01:30:56,559
Speaker 3: Don't feel like something is wrong with you where you

1919
01:30:56,560 --> 01:30:58,800
Speaker 3: gotta go get surgery and go get a BBL and

1920
01:30:58,840 --> 01:31:00,080
Speaker 3: start trying to get stuff.

1921
01:31:00,240 --> 01:31:01,200
Speaker 2: To be more attractive.

1922
01:31:01,600 --> 01:31:04,200
Speaker 3: You gotta be okay, be okay with the people not

1923
01:31:04,320 --> 01:31:07,720
Speaker 3: giving you unhealthy attention, because that's the key, because you're

1924
01:31:07,720 --> 01:31:09,800
Speaker 3: start saying, oh, I got to do something. Am I

1925
01:31:09,800 --> 01:31:12,160
Speaker 3: getting too old now that I'm not attracting anybody?

1926
01:31:12,360 --> 01:31:16,600
Speaker 2: So don't start devaluing yourself. Did y'all enjoy this? Y'all?

1927
01:31:16,600 --> 01:31:18,960
Speaker 3: First of all, let's give it up for Jackie Horrbrook

1928
01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:23,040
Speaker 3: for having the vision and the mindset to birth something

1929
01:31:23,160 --> 01:31:29,400
Speaker 3: as challenging, as huge, as impactful, as transforming as BCI.

1930
01:31:29,720 --> 01:31:32,160
Speaker 2: I salute you, queen. You've been doing an amazing job.

1931
01:31:32,200 --> 01:31:35,200
Speaker 3: I've been watching you carry the bird and then laboring

1932
01:31:35,520 --> 01:31:37,240
Speaker 3: with this vision for years.

1933
01:31:37,240 --> 01:31:39,080
Speaker 2: And I speak right now the name of Jesus.

1934
01:31:39,120 --> 01:31:41,080
Speaker 3: If the Lord opens up the windows of heaven and

1935
01:31:41,160 --> 01:31:43,640
Speaker 3: pour you out blessings, you don't have room enough to

1936
01:31:43,720 --> 01:31:47,320
Speaker 3: receive that everything that you are desiring God to accomplish

1937
01:31:47,320 --> 01:31:50,160
Speaker 3: with BCI, that he does it, and he does it suddenly,

1938
01:31:50,240 --> 01:31:51,400
Speaker 3: in the name of Jesus.

1939
01:31:51,640 --> 01:31:53,760
Speaker 2: Listen, thank y'all so much. We meet you out in

1940
01:31:53,800 --> 01:31:55,640
Speaker 2: the lobby to sign my books. Thank you. You got

1941
01:31:55,720 --> 01:31:56,200
Speaker 2: to say something.

1942
01:31:56,280 --> 01:31:58,200
Speaker 15: I got books at the table too. We rolle over

1943
01:31:58,360 --> 01:32:01,519
Speaker 15: like oh to talk talk like over twenty five books.

1944
01:32:01,520 --> 01:32:04,599
Speaker 15: But we got like six relationship books, soul session book,

1945
01:32:04,720 --> 01:32:07,639
Speaker 15: we got a power couple's book, we got a books

1946
01:32:07,680 --> 01:32:10,280
Speaker 15: about couples goals, all of that. So meet us out

1947
01:32:10,280 --> 01:32:13,760
Speaker 15: on the table, g rated sex, about your sexuality. We

1948
01:32:13,840 --> 01:32:16,760
Speaker 15: got a book called Toxic Relationships to teach you how

1949
01:32:16,800 --> 01:32:19,280
Speaker 15: not to be in them. So yeah, we'll be out

1950
01:32:19,280 --> 01:32:21,479
Speaker 15: there next to you, so come see us too, all right,

1951
01:32:21,640 --> 01:32:21,960
Speaker 15: that's good.

1952
01:32:22,000 --> 01:32:23,799
Speaker 3: I'm gona have to get y'all on just an episode,

1953
01:32:23,920 --> 01:32:25,960
Speaker 3: just y'all too, just we got to unpack it because

1954
01:32:26,000 --> 01:32:29,679
Speaker 3: y'all there are such a wealth of wisdom. I love

1955
01:32:29,760 --> 01:32:32,759
Speaker 3: sitting at the feet of wisdom, and so I salute

1956
01:32:32,800 --> 01:32:33,640
Speaker 3: y'all for what y'all do.

1957
01:32:33,720 --> 01:32:34,000
Speaker 2: Y'all.

1958
01:32:34,000 --> 01:32:37,120
Speaker 3: So dope, y'all, y'all, just dope. Twenty one years, twenty

1959
01:32:37,160 --> 01:32:39,000
Speaker 3: one years. That's beautiful. I need that in my life.

1960
01:32:39,000 --> 01:32:41,679
Speaker 2: Can y'all just say we miss you Ashley one, two three,

1961
01:32:42,560 --> 01:32:42,880
Speaker 2: miss you?

1962
01:32:43,000 --> 01:32:46,080
Speaker 3: As my bride is in Los Angeles right now. So

1963
01:32:46,240 --> 01:32:48,040
Speaker 3: this is the first time in a while that I've

1964
01:32:48,040 --> 01:32:50,800
Speaker 3: been doing the Dear Future WIFEI podcast by myself. She's

1965
01:32:50,840 --> 01:32:53,840
Speaker 3: working a lot of events this week, and so have

1966
01:32:53,920 --> 01:32:56,280
Speaker 3: y'all been joined the podcast since I've been Mary Good?

1967
01:32:57,000 --> 01:32:58,120
Speaker 2: Yes, And so as.

1968
01:32:58,080 --> 01:33:00,920
Speaker 3: We said on the podcast, this for all of us.

1969
01:33:00,960 --> 01:33:04,719
Speaker 3: I want everybody who desires marriage and desires to connect

1970
01:33:04,720 --> 01:33:07,120
Speaker 3: with your purpose partner that if God did it for us,

1971
01:33:07,360 --> 01:33:08,120
Speaker 3: he can do it for you.

1972
01:33:08,240 --> 01:33:08,960
Speaker 2: God bless out.

1973
01:33:09,439 --> 01:33:14,519
Speaker 3: Ladarian thrusted suddenly into child protective Services in twenty fifteen,

1974
01:33:15,160 --> 01:33:19,839
Speaker 3: my nephew Black, a boy the likelihood have been adopted

1975
01:33:19,840 --> 01:33:20,799
Speaker 3: outside of kinship.

1976
01:33:21,560 --> 01:33:22,280
Speaker 2: Slim to none.

1977
01:33:23,080 --> 01:33:28,200
Speaker 3: Rmione sixteen years old, black, a boy with five years

1978
01:33:28,200 --> 01:33:30,719
Speaker 3: in the Falster care system before I even knew his name.

1979
01:33:31,520 --> 01:33:33,520
Speaker 3: The likelihood have ever been adopted?

1980
01:33:34,439 --> 01:33:36,840
Speaker 2: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

1981
01:33:38,360 --> 01:33:41,360
Speaker 3: While Ladarian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely

1982
01:33:41,439 --> 01:33:44,880
Speaker 3: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system, I

1983
01:33:44,960 --> 01:33:48,280
Speaker 3: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been

1984
01:33:48,320 --> 01:33:50,519
Speaker 3: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1985
01:33:50,560 --> 01:33:52,960
Speaker 3: was doing well in college. It was my time to

1986
01:33:53,000 --> 01:33:54,640
Speaker 3: live my life right.

1987
01:33:54,880 --> 01:33:55,240
Speaker 6: Wrong.

1988
01:33:56,280 --> 01:34:02,120
Speaker 3: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just two many

1989
01:34:02,280 --> 01:34:05,720
Speaker 3: of our black children stuck in ambiguity and in the

1990
01:34:05,800 --> 01:34:09,200
Speaker 3: limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I

1991
01:34:09,280 --> 01:34:11,240
Speaker 3: legally adopted my nephew Ladaria.

1992
01:34:11,880 --> 01:34:14,360
Speaker 2: Fast forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to

1993
01:34:14,400 --> 01:34:15,000
Speaker 2: this other.

1994
01:34:14,880 --> 01:34:17,439
Speaker 3: Young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt

1995
01:34:17,479 --> 01:34:21,000
Speaker 3: them also in il bate. Starting over with parenting should

1996
01:34:21,040 --> 01:34:23,640
Speaker 3: have been enough. Right, Working with various foster care and

1997
01:34:23,680 --> 01:34:27,200
Speaker 3: adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless young

1998
01:34:27,280 --> 01:34:30,440
Speaker 3: Black kings and the Falster care system should have decreased

1999
01:34:30,439 --> 01:34:34,200
Speaker 3: my agitation. Right joining the board of directors of Advantage

2000
01:34:34,200 --> 01:34:37,879
Speaker 3: of Adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes

2001
01:34:38,000 --> 01:34:40,280
Speaker 3: for children in false care should have led to some

2002
01:34:40,360 --> 01:34:44,920
Speaker 3: type of resolve. Right, No, not at all. None of

2003
01:34:44,960 --> 01:34:48,880
Speaker 3: it felt like I had done enough. I now realized

2004
01:34:49,439 --> 01:34:53,080
Speaker 3: that every one of those experiences was land the fundamental

2005
01:34:53,120 --> 01:34:58,559
Speaker 3: foundation for my life's mission. Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal would

2006
01:34:58,600 --> 01:35:00,560
Speaker 3: be a luxury, state of the art a home for

2007
01:35:00,720 --> 01:35:03,880
Speaker 3: foster boys. Our first location will be in the Dallas

2008
01:35:03,920 --> 01:35:07,280
Speaker 3: Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole person approach

2009
01:35:07,479 --> 01:35:11,439
Speaker 3: that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves, and

2010
01:35:11,560 --> 01:35:15,720
Speaker 3: enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that they

2011
01:35:15,840 --> 01:35:20,200
Speaker 3: thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will attend the

2012
01:35:20,240 --> 01:35:23,400
Speaker 3: local public schools that are in proximity the King of Royal.

2013
01:35:23,840 --> 01:35:27,680
Speaker 3: Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating

2014
01:35:27,680 --> 01:35:31,240
Speaker 3: in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about and

2015
01:35:31,360 --> 01:35:35,879
Speaker 3: engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even relevant

2016
01:35:35,920 --> 01:35:40,400
Speaker 3: historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and even

2017
01:35:40,439 --> 01:35:44,200
Speaker 3: caring for our animals on our form and on site stables.

2018
01:35:44,920 --> 01:35:48,280
Speaker 3: We just launched our startup capital campaign with the goal

2019
01:35:48,360 --> 01:35:50,000
Speaker 3: of raising two point eight million dollars.

2020
01:35:50,040 --> 01:35:51,479
Speaker 2: Now why two point eight million dollars?

2021
01:35:52,320 --> 01:35:54,640
Speaker 3: Well, In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in

2022
01:35:54,680 --> 01:35:57,960
Speaker 3: which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the

2023
01:35:58,000 --> 01:36:01,120
Speaker 3: homeless community. One of the most notable successes was that

2024
01:36:01,160 --> 01:36:06,639
Speaker 3: one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

2025
01:36:06,960 --> 01:36:09,160
Speaker 3: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

2026
01:36:09,200 --> 01:36:12,560
Speaker 3: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

2027
01:36:12,600 --> 01:36:16,840
Speaker 3: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with

2028
01:36:16,920 --> 01:36:20,479
Speaker 3: much remorse, I reflect and I'm not maximizing that moment.

2029
01:36:20,560 --> 01:36:21,720
Speaker 2: I knew if at that.

2030
01:36:21,800 --> 01:36:25,000
Speaker 3: Time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,

2031
01:36:25,520 --> 01:36:28,679
Speaker 3: we would have raised at least two point eight million

2032
01:36:28,720 --> 01:36:31,600
Speaker 3: dollars that could have really established long term support for

2033
01:36:31,640 --> 01:36:34,880
Speaker 3: the homeless community, or at least started a long term

2034
01:36:34,880 --> 01:36:39,519
Speaker 3: initiative to do so. This is my do over, this

2035
01:36:39,680 --> 01:36:43,160
Speaker 3: is our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at

2036
01:36:43,160 --> 01:36:47,360
Speaker 3: the route by specifically helping our homeless Black boys who

2037
01:36:47,520 --> 01:36:51,959
Speaker 3: are already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system.

2038
01:36:52,520 --> 01:36:56,160
Speaker 3: I'm a TERI Ssarwhickfield I've been nominated for three regional Emmys,

2039
01:36:56,200 --> 01:36:58,800
Speaker 3: documenting my work with the homeless as well as my

2040
01:36:58,920 --> 01:37:03,680
Speaker 3: personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades, the greatest award for

2041
01:37:03,840 --> 01:37:09,479
Speaker 3: me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life.

2042
01:37:09,720 --> 01:37:13,360
Speaker 3: Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details, crown a king

2043
01:37:14,200 --> 01:37:23,880
Speaker 3: and make a donation today. I hope you enjoyed this

2044
01:37:24,000 --> 01:37:27,320
Speaker 3: episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit,

2045
01:37:27,720 --> 01:37:32,519
Speaker 3: live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving. Make sure

2046
01:37:32,600 --> 01:37:35,080
Speaker 3: to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and YouTube channel.

2047
01:37:35,240 --> 01:37:38,719
Speaker 3: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

2048
01:37:39,000 --> 01:37:41,880
Speaker 2: You welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your

2049
01:37:41,880 --> 01:37:42,599
Speaker 2: friends and family.