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Speaker 1: I ended my engagement and today I'm moving out. There

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Speaker 1: wasn't any betrayal, he didn't cheat or anything. Honestly, I

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Speaker 1: just changed my mind. It's really important for me to

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Speaker 1: own my narrative instead of letting people assume and start rumors.

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Speaker 1: Ending my engagement was the hardest thing I think I've

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Speaker 1: ever had to do in my entire life. If sharing

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Speaker 1: my story helps just one person, then it's worth it.

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Speaker 2: Today we have someone who went viral on social media

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Speaker 2: for letting us know that she ended things with her fiance.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Dear Future WiFi, Naya Gonzale.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Hey, the things that I wanted in a relationship

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Speaker 1: were very different than what it is today.

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Speaker 3: He was just so fun.

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Speaker 1: We were going out a lot, just living a fast life.

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Speaker 1: As I grew older, those things became less important to me,

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Speaker 1: and I think the things that he and I connected

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Speaker 1: on were no longer there. He was no longer my

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Speaker 1: best friend, he became my roommate.

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Speaker 4: Whose ideal was it to move in together?

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Speaker 3: Honestly, it was me I was pushing to move in together.

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Speaker 1: His parents were so adamant on us being married before

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Speaker 1: making that step.

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Speaker 5: Men are being so triggered by your experience. They already

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Speaker 5: believe it before you even did it. All you did

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Speaker 5: was validate their fear if you go against your own

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Speaker 5: core values. Let them move in with you, and then

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Speaker 5: you put a ring on their finger, and this is

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Speaker 5: your ups and leaves you for no reason.

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Speaker 3: I think what got lost was the dating.

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Speaker 4: You have breakups before, haven't you has it felt like this?

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Speaker 5: It's okay when you get that grafted with somebody, You're

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Speaker 5: not just breaking up with him, You're breaking up with

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Speaker 5: the family. Some people may not understand how hard.

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Speaker 1: And that is also the future that you talked about.

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Speaker 1: We talked about kids and what that would look like.

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Speaker 1: It's just breaking up with everything. I wanted so badly

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Speaker 1: for him to be the one I didn't want it

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Speaker 1: to be anyone else.

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Speaker 6: How did it end? If you don't mind.

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Speaker 7: Sharing that, what started as a search for understanding became

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Speaker 7: a journey of transformation.

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Speaker 4: Every letter that I wrote led me to this day.

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Speaker 4: The day I.

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Speaker 5: Got married November twenty second, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 2: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 2: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 2: of my soul. At the very thought of you.

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Speaker 5: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 5: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 4: You are the award, the.

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Speaker 5: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing

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Speaker 5: and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 2: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 2: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 4: This isn't just our story. This it's for all of us.

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Speaker 4: I'm a Terrasaar Whitfield.

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Speaker 6: I'm Ashley are Whitfield.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to the podcast.

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Speaker 5: Welcome to a Different Wifey Podcast. I'm your host of

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Speaker 5: Tara Sar Whitfield, and.

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Speaker 6: I'm Ashley R. Whitfield.

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Speaker 5: Listen, are you still shacking up with us? If you're

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Speaker 5: still shacking up with us, come on, can we get

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Speaker 5: a commedy. This is season eleven. I want you to

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Speaker 5: stop right now. Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make

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Speaker 5: sure you're on your notification bell. She'd be notified about

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Speaker 5: upcoming episodes. Oh listen, we're all on this journey. I

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Speaker 5: know the book Student of Love was released on January

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Speaker 5: the thirteenth.

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Speaker 4: Have you gotten a copy of that book? Listen?

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Speaker 5: Love is not about finding the right person. It's about

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Speaker 5: becoming the right person, you know what. Let's take a

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Speaker 5: moment and watch this promo video. Student of Love releases

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Speaker 5: January thirteenth. But I want to share with you a

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Speaker 5: voice memo I received via text from my friend Rachel Silver.

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Speaker 5: Now always hire Rachel when I'm working on major projects

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Speaker 5: to help me ide aid and organize my thoughts and ideas.

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Speaker 5: And I did that with Student Love, and she challenged

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Speaker 5: me a lot with some of my thoughts and ideas.

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Speaker 4: But listen, listen, listen, listen.

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Speaker 8: To this, Hayley Terris. I'm super, super excited because in

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Speaker 8: a few weeks, I am going to be.

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Speaker 1: A married woman.

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Speaker 8: And as I reflect not only just on the relationship

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Speaker 8: that he and I have, but just over the last

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Speaker 8: few years, how God has really placed people like you

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Speaker 8: on my life to just help to bring forth new

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Speaker 8: insight and new purpose and help to bring forth growth.

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Speaker 8: I've always known that we would create something that would

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Speaker 8: impact the world, but I didn't always know that we

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Speaker 8: would create something that would impact my world. And so

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Speaker 8: as we were working on our last project, as you

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Speaker 8: were sharing your stories and sharing you know, just about

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Speaker 8: being a Student of Love and just about navigating this

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Speaker 8: thing called love. It really allowed me to to gain

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Speaker 8: new insight. It allowed me to process, not just internally,

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Speaker 8: cause you know I was processing verbally too, talking to

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Speaker 8: you about things as well, and even when it wasn't

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Speaker 8: about me, just really allowed that space and I appreciate that.

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Speaker 8: And even when I didn't agree with everything that you

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Speaker 8: were saying, cause I didn't let me not, I agree

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Speaker 8: with a lot of it, but not all of it,

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Speaker 8: I was still like, well, you know what, let me

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Speaker 8: try this out. Let me see what this is like

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Speaker 8: in real life. And so I got to try that

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Speaker 8: out while I was dating when I was dating him,

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Speaker 8: and I'm like, hey, I guess you know, maybe Willie

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Speaker 8: Terence is saying it's working a little bit because apparently

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Speaker 8: I'm getting married a.

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Speaker 1: Couple of weeks.

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Speaker 5: So it's just really been cool.

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Speaker 8: And it's been called applying the things that God has

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Speaker 8: given you in my life, and I'm just I just

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Speaker 8: I'm just really grateful.

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Speaker 4: What are you waiting on? Pre order this book now?

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Speaker 5: Listen if you haven't gotten this book yet, what are

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Speaker 5: you waiting for? What better way to attract the love

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Speaker 5: that you desire? In twenty twenty six and the grab

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Speaker 5: a hold a student of love and to become everything

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Speaker 5: that you desire.

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Speaker 4: Actually, who do you have on a podcast today?

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Speaker 6: Today?

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Speaker 2: We have someone who went viral on social media for

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Speaker 2: letting us know that she ended things with her fiance.

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Speaker 2: My new homie. Welcome to dear future wifey Naya Gonzog.

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Speaker 4: So what's up, Naya?

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Speaker 1: Hey?

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Speaker 4: Hey, how do you feel?

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Speaker 3: I'm nervous?

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Speaker 5: What are you nervous about? To be honest, be vulnerable?

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Speaker 5: What are you nervous about?

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Speaker 3: Not y'all making me cry?

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Speaker 5: Already listen, I understand we're in a sensitive space. I

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Speaker 5: don't want anybody to think that the decision that you

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Speaker 5: made was taken lightly. People can assume that people can

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Speaker 5: look at it and see you smile in the video

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Speaker 5: and make it seem like you're some savage woman. But

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Speaker 5: I really truly believe that you're a woman of God

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Speaker 5: and that when you made this decision, you made this

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Speaker 5: decision consulting with the Holy Spirit.

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Speaker 4: Is that an assumption I'm making?

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Speaker 6: No, not at all?

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Speaker 4: Okay? And so a lot of women desire marriage.

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Speaker 5: A lot of women wait for the day that someone

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Speaker 5: gets on their knee and propose to them.

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Speaker 4: You had that moment. Was that the first time that's

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Speaker 4: ever happened.

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Speaker 3: To you ending an engagement?

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Speaker 4: No, having an engagement?

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Speaker 3: Yes it was Yes.

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Speaker 5: First time somebody ever proposed to you and you made

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Speaker 5: decision to end it.

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Speaker 4: Why is this making you emotional?

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Speaker 1: We were together for four years, and I think when

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Speaker 1: you enter relationships you never thinking that it's going to end.

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Speaker 1: And what makes it a lot harder, I think is

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Speaker 1: being online and sharing so much.

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Speaker 3: I share.

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Speaker 1: Everything, my whole entire life. I shared when I tore

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Speaker 1: my achilles. I share everything, and so for me, my

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Speaker 1: platform has always been about being authentic and that meant

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Speaker 1: also sharing. Ending my engagement and that in and of

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Speaker 1: itself was really really hard, and I also, you know,

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Speaker 1: just having to share it publicly too, But that was

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Speaker 1: a choice that I made. Being in social media is

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Speaker 1: a choice that I made. That's a career that I

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Speaker 1: chose to be in. And so when you're dealing with

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Speaker 1: something so personal but also it's public, it just makes

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Speaker 1: it ten times harder.

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Speaker 4: Well, I'm gonna ask lead in this, what would you

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Speaker 4: like to ask about it?

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Speaker 2: I love that you're transparent. I think that's going to

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Speaker 2: help a lot of people. I would love to just

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Speaker 2: hear a little bit about you know, what happened. Everyone

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Speaker 2: may not have seen the post, so we're starting from

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Speaker 2: scratch and just bring us up to speed if we're

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Speaker 2: not aware what happened.

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Speaker 3: It was never like one specific thing. I think when

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Speaker 3: he and I met, I was so young. We were

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Speaker 3: long distance.

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Speaker 1: I was a news anchor in Waco and he was

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Speaker 1: living in Dallas.

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Speaker 4: Did you say so young? What is that?

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Speaker 1: I was I think twenty six or twenty seven, and

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Speaker 1: so well, I'm thirty one now, so what's thirty one

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Speaker 1: minus four? So we Yeah, I was in Waco and

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Speaker 1: we were long distance, and I think the things that

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Speaker 1: I wanted in a relationship from a man at that

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Speaker 1: time we're very different than what it is today and

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Speaker 1: what it's been the last year.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: We were so young and we were honestly like, the

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Speaker 1: thing that I was so attracted to about him was

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Speaker 1: that he was just so fun and we connected on

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Speaker 1: so many different things.

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Speaker 3: We used to go to the gym together.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, we were going out a lot, you know, just

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Speaker 1: going out to the club and just living a fast life.

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Speaker 1: And as I grew older, those things became less important

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Speaker 1: to me, and I think the things that he and

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Speaker 1: I connected on were no longer there. So we weren't

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Speaker 1: going out, we weren't working out together. We were barely

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Speaker 1: hanging out together and doing things that you know, build

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Speaker 1: emotional intimacy. So I think that was the biggest change

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Speaker 1: was he was no longer my best friend.

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Speaker 3: He became my roommate.

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Speaker 5: And so y'all were physically y'all were actually when you

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Speaker 5: say roommate, y'all were actually living together. I'm yeah, How

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Speaker 5: long were y'all dating before y'all decide to move in

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Speaker 5: with each other?

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Speaker 3: I believe two years?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and that was here in the Dallas Fort Worth metroplex.

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Speaker 3: Yes, getting up.

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Speaker 4: So when did you relocate from Waco to.

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Speaker 3: Dallas in twenty twenty two?

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Speaker 4: In twenty twenty two?

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Speaker 5: And so at what stage y'all were engaged for eight

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Speaker 5: months before you called it off? Where there any Let

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Speaker 5: go back to the moment that we're gonna go ahead

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Speaker 5: and put this in reverse. How did y'all meet?

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Speaker 6: Social media?

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Speaker 5: So y'all met on social media? Did you slide in

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Speaker 5: his DM? Did he slide in yours?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 1: I followed him on Instagram and then I was kind

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Speaker 1: of like waiting on him to slide of my DMS

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Speaker 1: and then he wouldn't, so I was like, I think

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Speaker 1: he I followed him for like two weeks waiting for

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Speaker 1: him to say something, and just when I was about

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Speaker 1: to unfollow him, he messaged me and he responded to

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Speaker 1: a story of my Apple Watch and it was me

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Speaker 1: ending a workout, and I thought I was so slick.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, something about let's do like a

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Speaker 1: workout competition or something.

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Speaker 3: But I need your number too.

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Speaker 1: And so he gave me his number, and then I

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Speaker 1: remember his area code was eight one six, so he

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Speaker 1: was from Kansas City. And then that was kind of

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Speaker 1: our connection there. And then honestly, it kind of just

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Speaker 1: happened so fast. Yeah, I mean he was exactly what

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Speaker 1: I needed at that time.

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Speaker 5: And then when did y'all take it from just a

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Speaker 5: DM exchange to now we go together?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I had driven to Dallas a couple of times. I

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Speaker 1: went with my roommate at the time, Madison. We Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we drove to Dallas, we went out. He used to

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Speaker 1: have a hookah business, so we he was doing something

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Speaker 1: at like a rooftop and so we met him there

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Speaker 1: and that was our very first meeting.

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Speaker 3: And I really liked him.

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Speaker 1: He was really kind, he was sweet, very attractive, so

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Speaker 1: and we just we just stayed in touch. And he

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Speaker 1: was driving back and forth from Dallas to Waco to

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Speaker 1: see me, and I was, you know, doing the same

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Speaker 1: on the weekends.

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Speaker 2: Did y' all know each other's families? Did you get

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Speaker 2: to at what point did you meet his family?

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Speaker 1: And I want to say it was I know it

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Speaker 1: was in November because I had gone home with him

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Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving and we went on a big family cruise

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Speaker 1: and that was the first time i'd really met like everyone,

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Speaker 1: I met his dad first on accident and then on accident. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: on accident, he surprised him. He flew to Dallas and yeah,

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Speaker 1: he just so happened to just kind of surprise him

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Speaker 1: and he was like I'm here and he was like,

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Speaker 1: oh shoot, so she so I.

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Speaker 3: Guess you're doing this and yeah.

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Speaker 4: And so I like to.

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Speaker 5: So in the book Student of Love, I teach people

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Speaker 5: how to define your core values and then date according

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Speaker 5: to your core values.

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Speaker 4: What you said at.

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Speaker 5: The very beginning is something that's making my ears perk

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Speaker 5: up because you said what I liked or desired back

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Speaker 5: then changed just four years later. So my question to

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Speaker 5: you is what were you looking for back then? Because

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Speaker 5: you might if I asked you something like what was

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Speaker 5: your core values? Then it may go up your head.

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Speaker 5: You're like, I'm twenty seven years old. I'm not even

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Speaker 5: thinking about a core value. He looked good, so you

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Speaker 5: may just and we like to go hang out.

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Speaker 4: He was fine.

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Speaker 5: You know, it's that which has nothing to do with

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Speaker 5: core values, which is even interesting. What was it that

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Speaker 5: attracted you to him? You said, y'all went out. He

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Speaker 5: looked nice. Did you think further than that to say

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Speaker 5: this is what I desire in a husband or were

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Speaker 5: you just here for it? Wasn't even thinking like that.

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Speaker 5: It's more casual that progressively turned something more.

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Speaker 3: Permanent, I think.

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Speaker 1: So I had been single for I think a year

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Speaker 1: and a half before I met him, so I didn't

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Speaker 1: think that it would turn into what it turned into. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: I wasn't very intentional, I would say, But at the

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Speaker 1: same time, I did know, you know, I wanted someone

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Speaker 1: who was a man of God, who you know, went

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Speaker 1: to church. His family, he comes from a great family.

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Speaker 1: He grew up going to church, and I knew there

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Speaker 1: were like I knew the things, but I don't think

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Speaker 1: that I put emphasis on those things and really was

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Speaker 1: like intentional in that.

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 1: In the four years we've been together, I can count

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Speaker 1: on one hand how many times he and I went

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Speaker 1: to church together. So I said I wanted that, but

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Speaker 1: I also wasn't intentional in you know, making that effort,

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Speaker 1: I think.

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Speaker 3: And so now as a thirty one.

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Speaker 1: Year old woman, and I'm really you know, looking for

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Speaker 1: alignment in my relationships, even with friends, not just romantic

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Speaker 1: relationships either. I am very like, I know exactly what

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Speaker 1: it is I want and what is that.

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Speaker 3: I want.

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Speaker 1: Emotional intimacy, emotional safety, connection, definitely one hundred percent, I

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Speaker 1: have to have spiritual transparency and.

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Speaker 3: Definitely just be equally yoked.

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't necessarily have to be like one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent equal, you know, because when I'm not showing up

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Speaker 1: the way that I want to, sometimes like I expect

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Speaker 1: my partner to hold me accountable and pick me up

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Speaker 1: and vice versa. But I do you know, think that

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Speaker 1: that's that is really important for me.

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Speaker 5: There's a bit of cognitive distiness when you say this

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Speaker 5: is what I wanted. I wanted a man of God,

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Speaker 5: I wanted this, this, this, and you admitted that what

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Speaker 5: you desired, you recognize that it wasn't in alignment with

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Speaker 5: your heart's desire, which is where cognitive distiness comes into play.

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Speaker 5: To laborate more on that is this would you have

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Speaker 5: whose idea was it to move in together?

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Speaker 1: Honestly, it was me. I was pushing to move together.

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Speaker 1: I was more so pushing for the engagement. I know,

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Speaker 1: I knew he wanted to get engaged. I know he

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Speaker 1: wanted to be married, but it was definitely me who

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Speaker 1: was more like, we have to be engaged before we

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Speaker 1: get married.

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Speaker 3: I don't or not get married.

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Speaker 1: We have to be engaged if we're going to move

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Speaker 1: in together, like I at least want that if we're

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Speaker 1: you know, his parents were so adamant on us being

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Speaker 1: married before making that step, right, And I'm sure now

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Speaker 1: he's probably you know, kicking himself in the butt like

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Speaker 1: I should have listened, you know, But I mean, we all,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 5: I think it's good that we get an opportunity to

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Speaker 5: learn from our decisions, learn from our mistakes. Like I said,

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Speaker 5: you're only thirty one years old. As the old folks say,

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Speaker 5: just maybe just keep living, just keep living. But the

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Speaker 5: reality and I'm glad that you're giving voice to this

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Speaker 5: because he had influence around him, parents that say, hey,

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Speaker 5: you want you might want to be married before you start,

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Speaker 5: before you start playing house, as we used to say.

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Speaker 5: And then you say, well, no, we're going to move together.

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Speaker 5: You admit that you pushed less live together, and he's like, see,

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Speaker 5: And the thing about it is this, and I want

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Speaker 5: every man to understand this part.

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Speaker 4: And this is what leadership is.

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Speaker 5: Leadership is saying, hey, I know you're pushing for us

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Speaker 5: to move together, but no, you said you want a

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Speaker 5: man of God. This is how man of God does.

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Speaker 5: I'm not shacking up with you. I created that as

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Speaker 5: a moniker for my podcast to literally say it's a

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Speaker 5: fun way of saying I know you're watching the podcast.

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Speaker 5: A lot of people watch the podcast, but they don't

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Speaker 5: make a commitment to just hit the free little thing

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Speaker 5: to subscribe. And that's what we do in these relationships.

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Speaker 5: We don't subscribe. We won't get married, we won't go

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Speaker 5: to that next step, but we want all the benefits

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Speaker 5: of it. We want to watch entertained do all the

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Speaker 5: other stuff with the people we're dating. But then we

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Speaker 5: don't want to make that full time commitment. So it's

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Speaker 5: interesting that that's how my podcast has started out. And

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Speaker 5: then this is what your lived experience is. You said, hey, listen,

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Speaker 5: his parents said, don't do this. I know he's probably

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Speaker 5: kis this stuff in the butt for making that happen.

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Speaker 5: What made you desire that though? What made you desire desire?

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Speaker 5: You said, Hey, I know you want to marry me,

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Speaker 5: but let's live together first.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I just loved him. I just wanted to be Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I wanted to be in his skin.

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Speaker 8: Like.

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, we moved in together, and it just seemed like.

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Speaker 1: We we were on track to We were talking about

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Speaker 1: marriage and at the time, you know, we were so

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Speaker 1: locked in, like we're going to get married, so you know,

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Speaker 1: we're skipped we might skip a step, but we're you know,

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Speaker 1: it's going to happen. So we really felt that way,

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Speaker 1: and we were so you know, like I said, we

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Speaker 1: and we were having those conversations about marriage and it

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Speaker 1: just felt like it felt right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it didn't feel like we were rushing it.

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Speaker 1: And actually I tore my achilles right before, so it

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Speaker 1: kind of came around the right time. Because my lease ended,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't go up and downstairs and elevators and stuff,

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Speaker 1: so us moving in together, it honestly was helpful in

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Speaker 1: that way too. So there was like life that happened.

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Speaker 2: What did your parents say about the whole like moving

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Speaker 2: in together?

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Speaker 3: They really didn't have any kind of pushback on it.

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Speaker 1: They trust me to make good decisions, and I think

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Speaker 1: they felt like if I was making that decision, I

402
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Speaker 1: was making that decision from a good place, or you know,

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Speaker 1: whatever the case might be. So they didn't really have

404
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Speaker 1: the same pushback the way his parents did. But also,

405
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Speaker 1: my parents are much younger, and so, you know, they

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Speaker 1: come from a different time, different place and era where

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Speaker 1: you know, you just that's not a thing.

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Speaker 4: So you said your parents said, his parents are like that.

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Speaker 1: His parents, my parents are much younger, so they're cool

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Speaker 1: with so they're a little bit more my parents.

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Speaker 3: Yeah they're together, but they live separated.

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Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, but they're married.

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Speaker 5: They're married and so and so when y'all moved together,

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Speaker 5: felt like it's the best decision. Would you do it

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Speaker 5: again next person that God brings into your life? Would

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Speaker 5: you cohabitate before y'all even get married? What are your

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Speaker 5: views about that?

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure. I'm not one hundred percent sure. I think.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure that if we weren't living together, that

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Speaker 1: the issues that came about would have come about. To

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Speaker 1: know that that wasn't what was needed in marriage, I

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Speaker 1: guess so I'm not one hundred percent sure.

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Speaker 6: Are you comfortable sharing.

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Speaker 4: The issues, even some of them, even one thing?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say, I think, and.

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Speaker 5: Listen before you answer. I'm gonna tell you why that's important. Ah,

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Speaker 5: My brothers, men believe that women you just can't please them.

428
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Speaker 5: You can give the woman everything, like you even showed

429
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Speaker 5: me a real did somebody share with you, like you

430
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Speaker 5: give this woman this? You go against your own core values,

431
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Speaker 5: let them move in with you, and then you put

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Speaker 5: a ring on their finger, and this you ups and

433
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Speaker 5: leaves you for no reason. Like men are being so

434
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Speaker 5: triggered by your experience because they're going they already believe

435
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Speaker 5: it before you even did it. All you did was

436
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Speaker 5: validate their fear. You validate their fear in saying that, See,

437
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 5: you can give a woman and I've seen it. I've

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Speaker 5: seen this person who is married. Now I can applaud

439
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Speaker 5: you for not even getting married and making decision that

440
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Speaker 5: you felt like was best for your life. It was

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Speaker 5: a lady that went viral that was married and said,

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Speaker 5: I've been married with my husband X amount of years.

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Speaker 5: He is so perfect, he is so great, he takes

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Speaker 5: care of me, he does this, and I mean she

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Speaker 5: said nothing bad in that video and said I just

446
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Speaker 5: didn't want to be married anymore.

447
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 4: And people are like, what in the world.

448
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,639
Speaker 5: You know how devastating that would be to give the

449
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 5: woman everything that she desired, and she admits, no, my

450
00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 5: husband takes care of me, he loves me. Well, he's

451
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 5: a great father, he's great everything. I just didn't want

452
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 5: to get be married anymore. You know how traumatizing that

453
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 5: is to a man, because a lot of men don't

454
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 5: even believe, they don't even see that as an example,

455
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 5: and most of us. And then to become the example

456
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,680
Speaker 5: that you want to see and it still don't work out,

457
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 5: they become the red pill community. Those people like don't

458
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 5: trust women, I hate women. They this and it just

459
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 5: gets very toxic. And so the Dear Future WIFEI podcast

460
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 5: tries to create a safe space for people to share

461
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 5: that ideo secrecies, intricacies of relationships.

462
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 4: You say, well, this is what I felt. It's not

463
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 4: some flighty moment.

464
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 5: That I had this is what I really experienced, And

465
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 5: not by no means uncover that, brother, But I'm just

466
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 5: saying something that you felt, whether it was God that

467
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 5: showed you or didn't that said this is what I

468
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 5: felt that I couldn't live long term with.

469
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, So.

470
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: I will say when we first moved in together, I

471
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: was working my full time job as a news anchor.

472
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:33,360
Speaker 3: And then.

473
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 1: A year ago, in September, we made the decision that

474
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,119
Speaker 1: it was best for me to leave the job. My

475
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 1: contract had ended. They offered me to renew it, and

476
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: I decided, we decided together that okay, we're not going

477
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 1: to do that anymore. So I started my own business

478
00:25:54,440 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: and he said that he would take care of everything financially.

479
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 1: So that became the norm for our household.

480
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 3: But I think in that what got lost was the dating.

481
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 3: So I think.

482
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: Because he was paying all of the bills, it was like, Okay,

483
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: now I don't have to put an effort over here.

484
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 1: And I don't think that in his mind he was

485
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: thinking that way. I don't think that it was intentional

486
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: or anything like.

487
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 4: That, but.

488
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,680
Speaker 3: There was just no.

489
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 1: Emotional intimacy, and so that's when we started. I suggested

490
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 1: that we go to couple's therapy to try and you know,

491
00:26:52,320 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: get that back. And actually it was before we before

492
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,840
Speaker 1: I quit my job, there was it was, it was

493
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 1: already kind of brewing before then, and then I quit

494
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: my job, and then it was even kind of more

495
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 1: so because now I had a lot more free time,

496
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: and so he works from home. I'm at home, and

497
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: so I'm like, you know, hang out with me, Let's

498
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 1: go do something, Let's go to the gym or you know,

499
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:27,439
Speaker 1: like I wanted to spend time with him, and it

500
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 1: just I think it was just we just stopped spending time,

501
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 1: We stopped dating, we stopped doing the things that I

502
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 1: guess like brought us together. And as time went on,

503
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:51,159
Speaker 1: I think in my mind, I thought, Okay, he's working

504
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 1: really hard. I'm gonna let him grind it out, and

505
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 1: I'm going.

506
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 3: To do the same.

507
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: And so I started getting clients and getting really busy,

508
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 1: and then I met women who are you know, engaged

509
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,360
Speaker 1: or in long term relationships too, so you know, going

510
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: out to the club and that wasn't even a thing

511
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,120
Speaker 1: for me, Like we were going to girl dinners and

512
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 1: you know, so that wasn't a thing.

513
00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 3: And it's crazy because the very thing that.

514
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 1: I thought would help, like just by me taking time

515
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 1: and like like giving him the time is what ultimately

516
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: like drove us apart because I grew in so many

517
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 1: ways and he was still kind of just like stuck

518
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: in his rhythm and flow, and it like became really

519
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: a pair on my birthday, like he had no idea

520
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 1: what to do or like get me because he's just

521
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 1: like I don't know, So he just didn't do anything.

522
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 2: You guys weren't connecting, You weren't finding time to connect.

523
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 6: Did you talk about that with him?

524
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, we talked about it. I mean we talked about

525
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 3: it a lot.

526
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 1: It was.

527
00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 3: Like a broken record.

528
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 1: I felt like response, you know, he's working a lot,

529
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: and it wasn't that you know, he didn't want to

530
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,360
Speaker 1: and I and I really like understood where he was

531
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 1: coming from. But at the same time, it's like you

532
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 1: work from home though like just an hour, you know,

533
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: like just take a second. I don't know, And I

534
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:55,000
Speaker 1: think I started to become very resentful. So then the

535
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 1: resentment got so bad that then it was just like

536
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: now I'm attracted, Now I don't even want Like it

537
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,239
Speaker 1: just kind of started trickling down and to to the

538
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: point where it just felt like exhausting to try. At first,

539
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 1: trying was like not necessarily exciting, but it was like,

540
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: you know, we're getting We're gonna try to get somewhere,

541
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: and I'm on the hamster wheel and then I eventually

542
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 1: like you just get tired and you don't want to

543
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: just get off.

544
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 2: Now did you say he was paying, he was taking

545
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 2: on the bills. How do you think that that weighed

546
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 2: on him?

547
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 3: You know, for as a man, I think so, I

548
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 3: think so.

549
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: I mean it had to have so, you know, I

550
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: mean half of my half of everything was taken away,

551
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: so you know, it wasn't like I was when we

552
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 1: were living together and we were engaged and I was

553
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,959
Speaker 1: still working, I didn't necessarily pay half of everything, but

554
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 1: I it probably evened out to half, so you know,

555
00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: I did contribute financially still, and it was only when

556
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: I quit that that stopped.

557
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 3: So I do think that.

558
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 6: Did he start to kind of emotionally disconnect around that time?

559
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: It was already before that, it was all yeah, we

560
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: already were in therapy for the emotional intimacy and like

561
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: wanting to connect before I quit my job. And then

562
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: I think, I don't necessarily think it got worse. I

563
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: just think it was more apparent for me because I

564
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 1: wasn't leaving to go to work and then coming back,

565
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: you know, so now it was just like highlighted.

566
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 4: So interesting.

567
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 5: It's so interesting because I'm one of those people that

568
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,719
Speaker 5: don't believe every relationship is supposed to work. So I

569
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 5: understand the lessons that you're supposed to glean from those

570
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 5: relationships that don't work. But then I also can hear

571
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 5: moments of and I'll just share this with you, what

572
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 5: would you do you're married and you experienced the exact

573
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 5: same thing in marriage, would you divorce?

574
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: No?

575
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:19,880
Speaker 4: Why not?

576
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 3: Because I am married? That's that's the difference.

577
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people online, a lot of

578
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: the backlash thing I got was, oh, well, you wasted

579
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 1: his time and you were engaged, and like that's but

580
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 1: I mean, the not I don't want to say the

581
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: point of being engaged is to be able to walk away.

582
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 3: But it wasn't official yet.

583
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: You know. We were still in that period, that trial

584
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: period and figuring it out, and I mean we really

585
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,239
Speaker 1: really did try to get in alignment, and it just

586
00:32:56,600 --> 00:33:00,479
Speaker 1: it just wouldn't happen. And I was so unhap happy

587
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: and it really. I mean when I ended it. We

588
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: were in couple's therapy when it happened, so it wasn't

589
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: just all of a sudden. I don't think it was

590
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: a shock when I told him that I didn't want to,

591
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 1: you know, continue on anymore.

592
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 4: You said, was in the shot.

593
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 1: I don't think so I would be surprised if he

594
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: said that he was surprised.

595
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 4: What was his response?

596
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 1: He said, well, he had like a smirk on his face,

597
00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: and he was like I saw this coming or I

598
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: felt like this was coming, and I'm thank you for

599
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: being honest.

600
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 3: And then that was pretty much.

601
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 5: It was that the last time, y'all spot or did

602
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 5: he continue trying to put effort to hopefully make you

603
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 5: change you mind?

604
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: No, we actually continued living together up until.

605
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 3: A couple of weeks ago. So yeah, we went.

606
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: So we actually went on a break in July, and

607
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: we were living together but living in separate bedrooms. And

608
00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: then in October is when I decided that we were

609
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: going to not continue. And that was early October, and

610
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: then I moved out a couple of days before Christmas.

611
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 4: So when did you officially call it off? What date

612
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 4: was it?

613
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 6: It was?

614
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 1: I think like October third or something. It was a Thursday, So.

615
00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,880
Speaker 5: It was in October when people seeing this video recently

616
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 5: and like you made that decision the day before. No, no,

617
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 5: So this happened in October, and you took some months

618
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 5: to get yourself together, mostly spiritually and everything, and then

619
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 5: said now I'll share this with the world because you

620
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 5: shared with the world that you were engaged. Yes, And

621
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,359
Speaker 5: I've heard a lot of people say, I didn't want

622
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 5: to feel like a fraud sharing this happy moment and

623
00:34:56,760 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 5: then when it ends, then I can't share that as well,

624
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 5: you feel the I did.

625
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: And there were a lot of people asking me again,

626
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,400
Speaker 1: like I said, I share a lot online of my life.

627
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 1: So there were a lot of women like, you know,

628
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,600
Speaker 1: where's the wedding content? Because I did post me trying

629
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: on dresses at one point and looking at venues and

630
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: then it just kind of stopped, and so women were asking,

631
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: you know, where the dresses were, and the content was

632
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 1: you know or are you still engaged? And there was

633
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 1: a point where I did stop wearing my rings, so

634
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: even though we were on a break, like I would

635
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: wear my ring in public settings, like big public settings,

636
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: and then you know, if I was going to the

637
00:35:36,600 --> 00:35:38,840
Speaker 1: grocery store or something. I didn't really wear it, but

638
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: it just.

639
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 5: I don't know, so you were wearing it even so

640
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,239
Speaker 5: you're talking about after was it the break or.

641
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:50,879
Speaker 1: The fight out, even during the break the break, Yeah,

642
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 1: I would wear it in places where I knew a

643
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: lot of people knew me to be engaged and knew

644
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 1: us to be together, and so I would wear my

645
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: ring then. But if I knew, like I was going

646
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: to the gas station or like somewhere, no one would know,

647
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: I didn't wear it.

648
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:11,800
Speaker 6: So you were keeping up appearances.

649
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,919
Speaker 5: Yeah, and so you said that, and again you talk

650
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 5: about a couple of things that make it very problematic

651
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 5: if you live together with somebody, because you don't go

652
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 5: through like a typical breakup. It feels more like a

653
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:27,919
Speaker 5: divorce because now you got to find somewhere to live.

654
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 5: There has never been a situation where I've dated anybody

655
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 5: that went it ended. I had to find somewhere to live,

656
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:33,719
Speaker 5: or they had to find somewhere to live.

657
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 4: It just ended.

658
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 5: It's like a typical I always believed that there should

659
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 5: be different levels of access, and so if people can

660
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 5: look at it. For instance, I'll use a major celebrity

661
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 5: you go to a concert, most.

662
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 4: People just get general admission.

663
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 5: Some people just may be out in the outside. They

664
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:54,239
Speaker 5: may come out through the where the back door terance

665
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:55,960
Speaker 5: is and stand out. They couldn't even get a ticket,

666
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:58,040
Speaker 5: so they're standing out there hoping to get a glimpse

667
00:36:58,040 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 5: of the celebrity when they walk out or come out

668
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 5: to see and wave at them. Some people get a

669
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,080
Speaker 5: chance to get a ticket getting general admission. Some people

670
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,960
Speaker 5: get VIP. You saw that with Chris Brown, and everybody

671
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:09,959
Speaker 5: got a chance to take these little pictures with Chris Brown,

672
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 5: so they got a little bit different access. And then

673
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 5: some people get an all access pass. All access passes

674
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 5: are people that typically work with the artists. They're on

675
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 5: the team of the artists and or they work at

676
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 5: the venue and they can come and go. They can

677
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 5: go from the audience all the way to the backstage.

678
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:28,319
Speaker 5: They get to see everything all access. Unfortunately, some of

679
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 5: us give people all access passes when they only should

680
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 5: have gotten general admission. And so what I want people

681
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 5: to do is say, come on, let's all carte those

682
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 5: access levels to different people to say hold on until

683
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:45,680
Speaker 5: we get married. I can't make nobody do nothing, but

684
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 5: I don't believe someone should get that all access pass.

685
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 5: Having bank account information, y'all in each other's bank accounts,

686
00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:54,600
Speaker 5: and y'all even married. You know what I'm saying, because

687
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 5: if you break up, y'all gotta go sit down with

688
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 5: the banker. Can you get her name off my account? Well,

689
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:00,919
Speaker 5: she has to come on here a signer. Well, we don't,

690
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 5: we don't, we don't talk. Well, I can't remove her

691
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 5: name off the bank account unless she shows up. Be like,

692
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 5: you know, I ain't want to talk to you.

693
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:09,880
Speaker 4: But can you come up to the bank. You know

694
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do nothing.

695
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,839
Speaker 5: That's half my money too, So it feels like a

696
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 5: whole divorce instead of just saying, God, I know you're sovereign.

697
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 5: I know you said, let's do things decency in order.

698
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 5: I don't have to rush a breakup. I don't have

699
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,759
Speaker 5: to rush a failure. And if I do things in

700
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 5: your way, then even when it doesn't work out, it's

701
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 5: to the best of what you would want, not the worst.

702
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,160
Speaker 5: And so that's the reason why I asked, y'all said,

703
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 5: would you do it again? You're like, well, no, because

704
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:37,280
Speaker 5: the first thing you thought about was that the reason

705
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,760
Speaker 5: why we broke up wasn't relegated to us living together.

706
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:43,000
Speaker 5: And that's not the question I was asking. I was

707
00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 5: wanting to know with the experience that you've been through,

708
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,440
Speaker 5: knowing that y'all live together, knowing y'all in two separate rooms,

709
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying, like that is that's an

710
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 5: awful feeling.

711
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 4: I tell Ashley this all the time.

712
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 5: I say, listen, and we were freshly married, being married

713
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 5: when this episode runs about two months, it will be

714
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 5: painful for me to sleep in another room and she's

715
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 5: sleeping the bed. I just don't I just don't want

716
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 5: I did that too much being single, Like I don't

717
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 5: want to feel single being married. We gonna lay together

718
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:13,840
Speaker 5: and we're gonna deal with whatever we gotta deal with

719
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,319
Speaker 5: each other in the same bed. I don't want to

720
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 5: relegate myself into a separate room. You know, Let's work

721
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:21,359
Speaker 5: it out. And so that's what I had to do

722
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 5: as a single person dealing with my single life, sleeping alone.

723
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:25,399
Speaker 4: I'm not trying to do that marry.

724
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 5: But then some people put themselves in that position in

725
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 5: a dating relationship with where they're at odds and then

726
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:34,359
Speaker 5: they liveing in separate bedrooms or whatnot, and then you're

727
00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 5: trying to figure out when can you move. Wait, some

728
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 5: people I talked to somebody before that said that they

729
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 5: waiting for the least to end, and they just renewed

730
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 5: the least and so they done broke up. So now

731
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,760
Speaker 5: they got to live with each other until the least expires.

732
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 5: So you gotta live eleven more months with somebody that

733
00:39:49,920 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 5: you ain't with. Now you gotta traumatize yourself watching them.

734
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 5: Other people they like, I ain't holding my life up,

735
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 5: and you like, so you're bring up another woman over here? Yeah,

736
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 5: you a roommate at this point, you know what I'm saying.

737
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,359
Speaker 5: And you like, you like, what did I sign up for?

738
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 5: So they're like, it's best that you don't come home

739
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 5: tonight because I got this chick standing over you like this.

740
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 5: When I say I've heard it all in my dms

741
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:14,279
Speaker 5: from people asking me advice about certain things, I'd be like,

742
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:15,319
Speaker 5: why would you do that? Like?

743
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:16,800
Speaker 4: Why would you do that to yourself?

744
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 5: I had a friend that was on the podcast last month, Christina,

745
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 5: who got to hold divorce and still living with her husband.

746
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:30,240
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, And I'm like, what were

747
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 5: people create these crazy scenarios for their lifestyle that just

748
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 5: cause continual trauma to themselves. When God is so sovereign

749
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 5: just to do things in decens in order that the

750
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,799
Speaker 5: pain of a breakup is pain enough, a pain of

751
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 5: a felt engagement is even more. But then when you

752
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 5: got to go through all this other stuff that you're

753
00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:54,720
Speaker 5: going through, and it's just because I saw the video

754
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 5: where you moving out or whatever, and I was like,

755
00:40:57,239 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 5: I know that's trauma right there. I know that hurts.

756
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,399
Speaker 5: You got to find your own life. Your friends come

757
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 5: together to help you move out. Now they're witnessing this transition.

758
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,799
Speaker 5: It's a whole lot of just trauma where you go

759
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 5: and it literally, if I asked you, it probably felt

760
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 5: like a divorce. It just felt like, Wow, why did

761
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,800
Speaker 5: it feel like that? Have you ever spared? You have

762
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 5: breakups before?

763
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:19,840
Speaker 4: Haven't you?

764
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 5: What has it felt like this?

765
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 3: This was?

766
00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 1: This was different in the sense that I think before

767
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 1: because I wasn't engaged when I broke up with someone,

768
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: it was much easier to walk away.

769
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:38,720
Speaker 3: Of course the breakup.

770
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 1: Was sad, but it still was like, once I detached

771
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: and I feel that in my soul that's not my person,

772
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,759
Speaker 1: I can walk away and never look back. Really you

773
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: don't blocks, and I've never spent the block ever ever,

774
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 1: But with this it was different because we were engaged

775
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: and it was public. I made it public, I talked

776
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 1: about it. I put him in some of my content,

777
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: so there was even more of like an incentive to

778
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 1: make it work and to figure it out. And and

779
00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 1: because we were living together, there was just so many

780
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:22,280
Speaker 1: things that, honestly, because we were engaged, did feel like marriage,

781
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,720
Speaker 1: even though I knew we weren't married, so.

782
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 3: I could walk away, but I still tried, like so

783
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 3: hard to make it work.

784
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 5: People assume that you probably that was probably easy for you.

785
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:38,080
Speaker 5: I want you to spend a little moment about what

786
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 5: made it so hard, because even what you're saying now,

787
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 5: I understand when you say, I made it public, so

788
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 5: now I have this different incentive to make it work

789
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:48,880
Speaker 5: so I don't look like a failure in front of everybody.

790
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,359
Speaker 4: But I want you to elaborate on that as best

791
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 4: as you can.

792
00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 3: I think what made it really hard, especially like.

793
00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 1: In the months where we were in therapy and I

794
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: was honestly like fighting with myself like do I stay,

795
00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 1: do I not stay? I'm unsure he and I are

796
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 1: having these conversations back and forth. You know, there were

797
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: moments where he even told me, you know, if you

798
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 1: want to walk away, like you can one hundred percent

799
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 1: walk away, I won't hold you, know, hold you to

800
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:33,080
Speaker 1: the fire. But I still, like, I wanted to make

801
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:36,360
Speaker 1: it work. And I remember at the time he was

802
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: saying he was working on this project, and he was like,

803
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 1: just give me to the end of the project. Just

804
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,040
Speaker 1: give me to the end of the project. And I

805
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 1: think the project ended like October thirty first or something

806
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:49,759
Speaker 1: like that. And I ended it, mind you, at the

807
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: beginning of October, and come to find out, he was

808
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 1: still working on that project after the deadline. And I

809
00:43:56,440 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 1: just remember thinking in my mind, like what if I

810
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:04,920
Speaker 1: still kept waiting and trying to, you know, ford these

811
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: things that he's working on to to come to fruition

812
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: or finish or work.

813
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 3: And that's what made it hard, though, was.

814
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,080
Speaker 1: Knowing, like he's such a good person and he's such

815
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: a great guy.

816
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:22,280
Speaker 3: I love his family.

817
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:30,320
Speaker 4: It's okay.

818
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 5: And I was wanting you to touch on family and

819
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 5: how and you said it on your own, because when

820
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 5: you get that grafted with somebody, you're not just breaking

821
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 5: up with him, you're breaking up with the family and

822
00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 5: it people. Some people may not understand how hard that is.

823
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 5: But I'm glad that you will take a moment and

824
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 5: you you you share what that meant for you to

825
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 5: have to also break up with the family.

826
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I talked to his mom a lot,

827
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 1: and I could like even as we were kind of

828
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 1: going through that last the last maybe six months, I

829
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 1: thank you.

830
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,359
Speaker 3: I definitely.

831
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 1: Kind of talked to her less and less and I

832
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 1: knew I could tell they knew there was something going on.

833
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 1: They just didn't know what. And I know he didn't

834
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: say He's very private and out of you know, respect

835
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 1: for him. I just didn't want I knew she would ask,

836
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 1: so I kind of distanced myself a little bit because

837
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:56,279
Speaker 1: I didn't want to lie either.

838
00:45:58,760 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 3: But it was really hard. I think.

839
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 1: The thing that make that made the breakup so hard

840
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 1: is you know, you have these memories with this person, right,

841
00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 1: and you look at them and you see just all

842
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 1: the history that you had, and you just the also

843
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 1: the future that you talked about, right, you know, we

844
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 1: talked about kids and just our future and what that

845
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: would look like. And I just it's just breaking up

846
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:47,280
Speaker 1: with everything. But at the same time, It's like I

847
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: wanted so badly for him to be.

848
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,600
Speaker 3: Like the one.

849
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:59,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want it to meet anyone else, and so

850
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 1: I was like hoping and praying like things would get

851
00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: better and he would change, or things would change, or

852
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: the circumstances would change or get better. And as time

853
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:19,560
Speaker 1: went on, I started realizing that I don't think there

854
00:47:19,600 --> 00:47:21,279
Speaker 1: were going to change, because I don't think that he

855
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 1: truly wanted them to.

856
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 3: And I don't fall him for that.

857
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 1: He has his own goals and ambitions for the things

858
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: that he wants to do, and when I met him,

859
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 1: those weren't those things. It came after we got engaged

860
00:47:39,080 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: and I was there with him through you know a

861
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 1: lot of different business ventures that he wanted to, you know, try,

862
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 1: and I was very supportive, and it just got to

863
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 1: a point where it just felt like, where are we going,

864
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: Where are we being you know, led?

865
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 3: Where are you leading us? And I just couldn't trust

866
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:04,719
Speaker 3: in it anymore.

867
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:11,799
Speaker 4: That's the truth and trust in the leadership? Hell, what

868
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:12,720
Speaker 4: are you thinking asla?

869
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 2: I guess going back to leadership, was that mostly about

870
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 2: his career choices? Was that more about like his leadership

871
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:28,719
Speaker 2: in terms of you communicating your emotional needs and kind

872
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 2: of connectivity needs.

873
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: I will say our communication was actually really good. We

874
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:38,800
Speaker 1: had great communication. I could come to him about anything

875
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 1: and no judgment whatsoever. We'll figure it out. But then

876
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 1: it really never got figured out. And I do sympathize

877
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 1: with the fact that, I mean, he works a lot.

878
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:52,000
Speaker 3: He really does.

879
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:58,319
Speaker 1: And it's funny because the relationship that I had before him,

880
00:48:58,360 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 1: the guy was so lazy.

881
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,719
Speaker 3: He didn't want to work at a literally, so that

882
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 3: I met him and I was like, oh, thank you Jesus.

883
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 3: You know he works, like, yes, I got work right exactly.

884
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 1: And you know, my parents always my I have there's

885
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: all girls in my family, so you know, my parents

886
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 1: always taught us to like work ethic is so important,

887
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 1: you know, have a job, have your own money, and

888
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 1: you know not It's crazy because in this circumstance, I

889
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:31,280
Speaker 1: didn't think that that advice that she gave me, always

890
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: have your own stuff because if you're not happy, you

891
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:38,440
Speaker 1: can go. That ended up being something that like I

892
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:41,439
Speaker 1: remembered her saying, and I was able to do that,

893
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 1: you know, instead of having to stay because he was

894
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,439
Speaker 1: paying all the bills and I relied on him financially.

895
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: One hundred percent that I couldn't, you know, move out

896
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 1: or do what I needed to do. So I will say,

897
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,080
Speaker 1: you know, from a parent standpoint, that was something that

898
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 1: I was able to take away. But I do sympathize

899
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: with the fact that, you know, he did work a lot,

900
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: and I do think that he wanted to be like

901
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: he wanted to meet me there, he just couldn't get there.

902
00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 2: So the leadership, so he lacked the ability to get

903
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 2: you guys.

904
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 3: To I think.

905
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 1: Everything with him was surrounded by work. So it was

906
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 1: just work, work, work, work work. I have to be

907
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:45,080
Speaker 1: the one to suggest let's go to church on Sunday,

908
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 1: or I have to be the one to suggest that

909
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 1: we do things, and it just always it just never

910
00:50:54,719 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: felt like we're in lockstep in totality.

911
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 2: Okay, so what how did it end? If you don't

912
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 2: mind sharing that.

913
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 5: Oh, before she say that, I want to ask you this,

914
00:51:12,280 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 5: because that's gonna go somewhere else. I just wanted to

915
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 5: ask about why do you think he worked so much?

916
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:17,800
Speaker 6: That's good.

917
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what his ultimate goal is, to be honest,

918
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:28,919
Speaker 1: because when I was working, he worked a lot. When

919
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:32,799
Speaker 1: it's crazy to say, but when we went on a

920
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:35,840
Speaker 1: break in July, it didn't really feel like a break

921
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 1: because we already weren't sleeping together because he worked so

922
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 1: much he would fall asleep on the couch or like,

923
00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 1: honestly some days not sleep at all, So we sleeping

924
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: together was not a norm anyway. So it was just

925
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 1: very like, I don't know, I don't know what his

926
00:51:57,880 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 1: work goals are. I do know that he's an entrepreneur

927
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: and he really wants to be his own boss.

928
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,640
Speaker 5: And when you what type of family did he come from?

929
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 5: Did he come from a family that was successful or

930
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 5: very driven family where his father was an entrepreneur or

931
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,440
Speaker 5: father was successful, they grow up poor?

932
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:15,399
Speaker 4: Was it the opposite wall.

933
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: No, he grew up in a very you know, two

934
00:52:18,080 --> 00:52:22,800
Speaker 1: parent household. His both of his parents worked, His dad

935
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: had a very you know, successful career in his field.

936
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:33,360
Speaker 1: And yeah, I mean his whole family, I mean his

937
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,800
Speaker 1: he's the youngest. His older siblings are married, they have children,

938
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:41,719
Speaker 1: so he's the you know, the last one to you know,

939
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 1: get it right.

940
00:52:42,640 --> 00:52:45,399
Speaker 5: So I'm talking about in regards to money to find

941
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 5: why would you think, yo, man, your fiance.

942
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 4: Would work so much.

943
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 3: I'm not I don't know, I mean, I.

944
00:52:55,000 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 4: Know, man, works so much.

945
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:58,800
Speaker 6: I know why my husband works so much.

946
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:00,799
Speaker 4: That works so much.

947
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 6: My husband wants to give me a soft life.

948
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:16,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I do think he I will say

949
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:18,280
Speaker 1: he did.

950
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:24,280
Speaker 3: There were so there was some back and forth after

951
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 3: we ended things.

952
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:33,120
Speaker 1: And one of the things that I do like that

953
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:37,520
Speaker 1: does like I don't want to say like replays in

954
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 1: my mind, but that sticks out.

955
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,800
Speaker 3: And he always said that there were.

956
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: Things that he tried to shield me from is not

957
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:59,960
Speaker 1: to become stressed for me, and that's one thing that

958
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 1: I find like so commendable about him. But at the

959
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:11,360
Speaker 1: same time, knowing like who I am.

960
00:54:09,520 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 3: And just how I.

961
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 1: Move in the world, and I'm not afraid to work.

962
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 1: I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. There were

963
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:27,760
Speaker 1: things that I'm I was a little frustrated by because

964
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 1: if we are talking about marriage together, right, transparency is

965
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 1: so important.

966
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 3: And I think.

967
00:54:38,680 --> 00:54:44,200
Speaker 1: Had I known the things that he felt stressed out

968
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 1: about then that I know now, I don't know that.

969
00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't say we would or we wouldn't

970
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 1: be where we are today, but I do know that

971
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:01,279
Speaker 1: I probably wouldnt went back to work on my own.

972
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: He wouldn't have had to ask.

973
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:08,600
Speaker 5: So this is interesting because actually asked you a question

974
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:11,440
Speaker 5: about leadership of questions like, oh, we have really great communication.

975
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:12,840
Speaker 4: No you didn't.

976
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 5: You had great you telling him what you felt and

977
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 5: he not responding. That's why you didn't see action behind it.

978
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 5: Communication is not just somebody saying something. Somebody hearing them

979
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,719
Speaker 5: is somebody doing something. And finally after the breakup, he

980
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,160
Speaker 5: was able to tell you what really was the issue,

981
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:32,759
Speaker 5: which made you say, had I known.

982
00:55:34,000 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 4: What I knew? Now what I knew then? Not saying we.

983
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 5: Could have stayed together, but would have helped something. And

984
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 5: that's what I wanted to uncover. I wanted to get

985
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:47,359
Speaker 5: you to start thinking about the breakdown that with all

986
00:55:47,480 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 5: good intents and purposes, he was working as hard as

987
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 5: he was because certain things wasn't working out the way

988
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 5: he needed to work out to provide a life for

989
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:59,200
Speaker 5: you so that you did not have to work, so

990
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 5: you can fulfill your dream, that you could chase your

991
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:07,399
Speaker 5: entrepreneurial endeavors. That is so essential because, like you said,

992
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 5: what you experienced before is something totally opposite. Sometimes we

993
00:56:10,840 --> 00:56:12,520
Speaker 5: got to be careful for the things that we pray for,

994
00:56:12,640 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 5: because we can pray for certain things, get it and

995
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:16,839
Speaker 5: then be like, uh, I don't want it this way,

996
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 5: and the dude is sitting there like, now, your.

997
00:56:19,520 --> 00:56:22,360
Speaker 4: Last dude couldn't even do this. I do this, and

998
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:23,280
Speaker 4: it's still a problem.

999
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying is at the end of the day,

1000
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,680
Speaker 5: I wanted you to communicate, why do you think he

1001
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 5: worked so hard?

1002
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,839
Speaker 4: And the truth is so you didn't have to work

1003
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:35,919
Speaker 4: so hard. That's it.

1004
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:41,640
Speaker 5: He worked so hard so that you didn't have to

1005
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:43,720
Speaker 5: work so hard. And you said at the very beginning

1006
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 5: where he said, we agreed. Now, this is great communication.

1007
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:50,720
Speaker 5: We agreed that I will come off of my job,

1008
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 5: not renew my contract with the station, and then go

1009
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:58,640
Speaker 5: ahead and pursue something else. What was that entrepreneur job,

1010
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:02,160
Speaker 5: entrepreneur endeavor that you decide to pursue. It was it

1011
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 5: content creation?

1012
00:57:03,040 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 1: It was content creation and then also a digital marketing agency.

1013
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,399
Speaker 3: So of course I have my platform as an.

1014
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: Influencer making money from brand deals, but I also help

1015
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 1: businesses with their social media and their content creation and

1016
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:18,480
Speaker 1: marketing and stuff.

1017
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:20,960
Speaker 5: So because I heard you said you had a couple

1018
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:22,520
Speaker 5: of clients, and so that's what we were talking about.

1019
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 4: Clients. You were working with their.

1020
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 5: Standpoint, and so you were starting that off, you know,

1021
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,640
Speaker 5: and then you felt like you were strongly supported from

1022
00:57:31,640 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 5: a financial standpoint for him to cover everything else. He

1023
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:43,200
Speaker 5: did a few See, I'm always rally behind my brothers. Yeah,

1024
00:57:43,240 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 5: because as men, I'm sorry to this brother that he

1025
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 5: couldn't communicate earlier what his need was or I.

1026
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:55,040
Speaker 4: Ain't gonna say his need, thank you, Holy Spirit. His

1027
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 4: fear was. His fear was I'm about to marry this

1028
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,919
Speaker 4: woman that I can't take care of. It's his fear. See,

1029
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:07,960
Speaker 4: as men, we're programmed to be what providers and protect us.

1030
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:08,840
Speaker 4: That's it.

1031
00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 5: We're not taught to be emotionally intelligent enough to say, hey,

1032
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 5: right now, I can't protect you. I'm afraid I can't.

1033
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 5: I can't provide for you. I just lost my job.

1034
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 4: Like men aren't programmed to do that.

1035
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:25,720
Speaker 5: They'll go, I gotta figure it out, like he said

1036
00:58:25,760 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 5: to you and took you off the job.

1037
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 4: We'll figure it out. We're gonna figure this out together.

1038
00:58:29,920 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 5: But when he's trying to find the nuances of trying

1039
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 5: to figure it out and he can't, and he said,

1040
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:36,479
Speaker 5: I can't tell it that because she's gonna stress out.

1041
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 5: I don't want her to get another job. Because if

1042
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 5: she go gets another job, it looks like I failed.

1043
00:58:42,720 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 5: That's what this brother is saying. And so he knows

1044
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:47,479
Speaker 5: that he told you something to come off your job,

1045
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 5: and he says he got together and then to get together,

1046
00:58:50,240 --> 00:58:52,080
Speaker 5: he said, don't worry, I don't care if I gotta

1047
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 5: work twenty four hours a day to make this pop off,

1048
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 5: I will do it because you deserve it. And no,

1049
00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:01,959
Speaker 5: he knows, he knows your work ethic. He know you'll

1050
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 5: be like, you ain't got to do it by yourself.

1051
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 5: I got you, booth.

1052
00:59:05,200 --> 00:59:05,720
Speaker 7: He know that.

1053
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 4: He's like, but I told you not to and I

1054
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 4: got you.

1055
00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 5: I see you trying to jumpstart your your business.

1056
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,680
Speaker 4: I see you're doing this content creation. I got this.

1057
00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:18,200
Speaker 4: I want to show you what kind of man I got.

1058
00:59:18,280 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 4: I got this, what kind of man I am? I

1059
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 4: got this?

1060
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 5: And I just want to encourage men out there that

1061
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 5: you don't have to have it all together. I'm gonna

1062
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:29,960
Speaker 5: tell you an episode that just shout out to Jason Wilson.

1063
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 5: Jason Wilson came on my podcast. Jason Wilson is a

1064
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:39,400
Speaker 5: man that literally helps men unlock emotional intelligence and debunk

1065
00:59:39,640 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 5: toxic masculinity. He has this amazing young male mentorship program

1066
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 5: called the Cave The Cave of Adulum in Detroit, where

1067
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 5: he teaches young boys emotional intelligence through martial arts.

1068
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 4: And I have.

1069
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 5: Never forgot this one line, he said on my podcast.

1070
00:59:57,080 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 5: At a point where he was struggling married, his wife

1071
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:04,640
Speaker 5: was the bread winner, she was an RN making money.

1072
01:00:05,000 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 5: He started working multiple jobs to try to make ends meet,

1073
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 5: and to the point that he almost killed himself fall

1074
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:17,600
Speaker 5: a forklift fell on him off of a dock. But

1075
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:19,760
Speaker 5: he said something so key, He said, I had to

1076
01:00:19,840 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 5: learn something. Me and Nicole got it together together. Most

1077
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,560
Speaker 5: men have never programmed that. We're never taught to get

1078
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:31,880
Speaker 5: it together with your wife. It's like, I got you.

1079
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 5: If you don't want to work, don't work, you don't

1080
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:35,120
Speaker 5: want to do this this and he know he can't

1081
01:00:35,120 --> 01:00:37,120
Speaker 5: do it on his own. That's why I believe that

1082
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 5: most men die before women out of stress, because they

1083
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 5: carry all this stuff. Your fiance, your ex fiance, was

1084
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:48,720
Speaker 5: carrying stress for months longer than he was willing to

1085
01:00:48,800 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 5: admit it to you. And you said, all you had

1086
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:53,520
Speaker 5: to do is just tell me, and I would have

1087
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 5: lifted that up off you. But Jason Wilson said, we

1088
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:03,280
Speaker 5: got it together together. And that's why I'm glad you

1089
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,720
Speaker 5: were able to unpack this, because at the end of

1090
01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:10,560
Speaker 5: the day, your ex fiance is going to feel seen

1091
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:13,120
Speaker 5: by me even saying that, and not just him other

1092
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 5: men who say because I'm telling y'all and I need

1093
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:18,760
Speaker 5: every woman to hear this right now. When I ask men,

1094
01:01:19,360 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 5: and y'all seen him on my podcast, and I'll ask them,

1095
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 5: why aren't you married? They say, I'm not where I

1096
01:01:25,200 --> 01:01:28,360
Speaker 5: want to be financially, And I say to them, what

1097
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 5: if you linking up with your purpose partner helps you

1098
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 5: get there faster? I will give you your suitable helper.

1099
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 5: We get it all wrong. I'm going to provide you

1100
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:45,120
Speaker 5: your suitable helper. And even when I read that before,

1101
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 5: I said, well, God, why would you give him his

1102
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 5: suitable helper?

1103
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:50,040
Speaker 4: After he done named all the animals he should have?

1104
01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:52,800
Speaker 4: They could have cut that down about you know, why

1105
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,320
Speaker 4: would you have him do all that work?

1106
01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:56,440
Speaker 5: God said, because that was the work he was supposed

1107
01:01:56,440 --> 01:01:58,760
Speaker 5: to do in this single season. I had so much

1108
01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 5: more in store for him as a married couple that

1109
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 5: he needs his wife for. I tell Ashley this all

1110
01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 5: the time, and I'll tell the audience this all the

1111
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 5: time I said, I built their future Wifie podcasts over

1112
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 5: the last five and a half years and it's become

1113
01:02:13,400 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 5: one of the biggest relationship podcasts in the black community.

1114
01:02:16,640 --> 01:02:19,920
Speaker 5: But this is nothing compared to what it is and

1115
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:22,120
Speaker 5: what it's going to be with her beside me. I

1116
01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:25,600
Speaker 5: knew it because I'm humble enough to know that God

1117
01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 5: brought me my suitable helper that the things that will

1118
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:33,640
Speaker 5: be able to accomplish together is ten X. But a

1119
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:35,560
Speaker 5: lot of men to understand that, they try to get

1120
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:38,040
Speaker 5: there first and then go get their woman. The truth

1121
01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:41,320
Speaker 5: be told is that now they're vetting that suitable helper

1122
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:46,080
Speaker 5: through very discriminated eyes, wondering if their motives is correct,

1123
01:02:46,080 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 5: because you're like, oh, now you want because I had

1124
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:50,040
Speaker 5: this back then, you didn't want me Now now, y'all

1125
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 5: O me.

1126
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:52,560
Speaker 9: We say stuff like that, you know what I'm saying,

1127
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 9: And we say that instead of just saying, but if

1128
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:57,400
Speaker 9: you had your suitable helper when you didn't have nothing

1129
01:02:57,440 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 9: and you built something together, then you able to say, Okay,

1130
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:01,959
Speaker 9: I see what you did God.

1131
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:04,600
Speaker 5: And so my thing is this, I'm not here to

1132
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:06,440
Speaker 5: say you made a bad decision. You made the best

1133
01:03:06,480 --> 01:03:08,760
Speaker 5: decision you made in the time you made your decision.

1134
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:11,080
Speaker 5: This is your learning, This is your growth if you

1135
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 5: learn the nuggets that is you're supposed to learn. This's

1136
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 5: what I talk about in the book Student of Love,

1137
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:19,200
Speaker 5: is that the heartbreak taught you something, learn from it,

1138
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 5: grow from it. But what I am saying is when

1139
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:26,520
Speaker 5: you are afforded the opportunity to experience love again, experience

1140
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:30,040
Speaker 5: it through the mindset of being able to be fully

1141
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 5: aware of what you're receiving, and you don't have to

1142
01:03:32,640 --> 01:03:35,080
Speaker 5: go to the other end and go wow, I wish

1143
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:38,120
Speaker 5: I had known that then. And even to that brother

1144
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:41,080
Speaker 5: for your I was about to say his name, your

1145
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:44,760
Speaker 5: ex fiance, that he's able to look and go, Okay,

1146
01:03:45,120 --> 01:03:48,320
Speaker 5: this hurt. But I recognize my own blind spots. I'm

1147
01:03:48,320 --> 01:03:51,160
Speaker 5: gonna make sure that I articulate this stuff early. If

1148
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 5: I want my suitable helper, I'm going to say that

1149
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 5: and trust that person in this vulnerable moment and say,

1150
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:58,360
Speaker 5: ain't God together, ain't God all together? I need you,

1151
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:01,480
Speaker 5: and then see if she's your suitable happer to be

1152
01:04:01,480 --> 01:04:03,160
Speaker 5: able to say, oh, we win the trenches together, and

1153
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:03,760
Speaker 5: you go wow.

1154
01:04:04,120 --> 01:04:04,919
Speaker 4: Men actually had.

1155
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 5: This funny joke we were on the way getting their

1156
01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:10,000
Speaker 5: hair bread today and we had a conversation that I

1157
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:13,240
Speaker 5: want to do with my nephew taking him, I said,

1158
01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 5: give him the scenario. I said, what would you do

1159
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 5: if you were at this fancy restaurant which she and

1160
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,840
Speaker 5: I went to celebrate. Went to this nice restaurant yesterday

1161
01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 5: to celebrate our first major daytime talk show which is

1162
01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:24,920
Speaker 5: on the Tamin.

1163
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:26,320
Speaker 4: Hall show that we did that air yesterday.

1164
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,880
Speaker 5: And we were sitting there and I said, man, I

1165
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:31,520
Speaker 5: remember it was a time in my life I couldn't

1166
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:32,960
Speaker 5: even afford to eat at a restaurant like this.

1167
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 4: And I said, I said.

1168
01:04:34,840 --> 01:04:37,840
Speaker 5: I want to know what would my nephew son, who

1169
01:04:37,920 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 5: I adopted, what would he do if he sat here?

1170
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 5: He was trying to be impressive to a woman and

1171
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 5: brought her here and couldn't afford the meal. Say he

1172
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:48,000
Speaker 5: only had one hundred dollars, but the meal is seventy

1173
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,880
Speaker 5: five dollars eighty dollars? What would he do in that scenario?

1174
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:52,480
Speaker 5: And so I played it with her. I said, what

1175
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:55,600
Speaker 5: would you do if I took you out to eat?

1176
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 5: You know, we just started dating, our first date, and

1177
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:01,680
Speaker 5: I took you to this nice restaurant, and I said, oh, okay,

1178
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:05,520
Speaker 5: I got about one hundred dollars waiting for this check

1179
01:05:05,560 --> 01:05:08,840
Speaker 5: to come through, and in it came through, but I

1180
01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:10,960
Speaker 5: got one hundred dollars. I'm gonna let you go and

1181
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,800
Speaker 5: order whatever you want to order, and then I'll just order,

1182
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 5: you know, maybe a glass of water.

1183
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:18,800
Speaker 4: Let you eat.

1184
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 5: I said, what would you do in the scenario like

1185
01:05:20,800 --> 01:05:22,440
Speaker 5: that if that happened? And what would you What did

1186
01:05:22,480 --> 01:05:22,800
Speaker 5: you say?

1187
01:05:23,640 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 2: I said, if you told me at one hundred dollars,

1188
01:05:26,280 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 2: I'm looking at these menu prices on the menu, I

1189
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 2: would say, why are we here, Let's go get a pizza.

1190
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:31,959
Speaker 8: Yeah.

1191
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,920
Speaker 5: And I said, but I done got you all dressed up,

1192
01:05:34,040 --> 01:05:36,280
Speaker 5: You got your heels on, hair done, make up done,

1193
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:39,280
Speaker 5: you got a nice outfit on. And I'm all dressed up,

1194
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:42,000
Speaker 5: and you tell me we could go to a pizza place.

1195
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:42,680
Speaker 4: All dressed up?

1196
01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:43,720
Speaker 6: Absolutely?

1197
01:05:43,920 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 5: And I said that man will look at her and

1198
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 5: say I found my wife, because you're not judging me

1199
01:05:50,800 --> 01:05:55,600
Speaker 5: based upon a present situation. You're looking at the bigger picture.

1200
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,560
Speaker 5: And he says, oh, she can rock with me, And

1201
01:05:57,600 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 5: so I say, with men, instead of pretending like you

1202
01:06:00,480 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 5: got it all together, that properly.

1203
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,320
Speaker 4: And see and test and say I ain't got it.

1204
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:10,520
Speaker 5: Let be so vulnerable and let your woman know that

1205
01:06:10,560 --> 01:06:11,560
Speaker 5: you ain't got together.

1206
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 4: But if she's the right one, we can get it

1207
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:13,960
Speaker 4: together together.

1208
01:06:14,200 --> 01:06:17,959
Speaker 2: And then you know, if he's really a good guy,

1209
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:19,960
Speaker 2: he'll say, why don't you take the rest of the

1210
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:26,720
Speaker 2: pizza home with you tomorrow? That's way better than the

1211
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 2: expensive restaurant where exactly we're like counting our coins.

1212
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 6: Who wants to do that?

1213
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:34,840
Speaker 5: It's funny, And I love the fact that you said,

1214
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:36,400
Speaker 5: had he told you that, you would have gotten to

1215
01:06:36,440 --> 01:06:36,880
Speaker 5: the trenches?

1216
01:06:36,920 --> 01:06:38,640
Speaker 4: And why why would you?

1217
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 3: Because that's just what I do.

1218
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:49,040
Speaker 1: That's that's what I was taught because I loved him.

1219
01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:49,360
Speaker 4: Hmm.

1220
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:53,760
Speaker 5: Yeah, y'all making me most know, y'all got to keep it. Actually,

1221
01:06:53,760 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 5: you talk, because I'm messed up right now.

1222
01:06:56,480 --> 01:07:01,400
Speaker 2: It sounds like as much as the communication was good,

1223
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 2: there was missing communication. And I think that sometimes the

1224
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:14,920
Speaker 2: hardest hills to climb are the ones where maybe we

1225
01:07:15,000 --> 01:07:19,680
Speaker 2: can communicate effectively, but our words are missing, or we

1226
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:22,120
Speaker 2: don't know how to put them together, or we're afraid

1227
01:07:22,160 --> 01:07:25,560
Speaker 2: to put them together. Because it takes courage to have

1228
01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:31,520
Speaker 2: certain conversations. I think now that we kind of have

1229
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:36,120
Speaker 2: the backstory as we sort of finish out, I would

1230
01:07:36,200 --> 01:07:42,280
Speaker 2: love to know what was just for you the last

1231
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 2: straw where you said, this doesn't feel right, this isn't

1232
01:07:48,600 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 2: where I want to be forever, And how did you

1233
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:58,120
Speaker 2: decide to ultimately say that this chapter of my life

1234
01:07:58,680 --> 01:07:59,160
Speaker 2: is ending.

1235
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:01,280
Speaker 5: I'm glad you were to come back there. Great job,

1236
01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:13,360
Speaker 5: Great job, co host.

1237
01:08:13,960 --> 01:08:18,600
Speaker 1: I think it was honestly, I kind of touched on

1238
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:23,559
Speaker 1: it before I had said, you know, I decided that

1239
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:27,759
Speaker 1: I would instead of because I did feel bad always.

1240
01:08:27,880 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 1: I felt almost like I was like nagging him, like

1241
01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:32,680
Speaker 1: let's go do this, let's do that. You don't do this,

1242
01:08:32,720 --> 01:08:33,559
Speaker 1: you don't buyd me flowers.

1243
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:33,840
Speaker 3: You don't.

1244
01:08:33,840 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 1: You know, like it's like you don't, you don't, you don't.

1245
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:38,960
Speaker 1: And I felt bad because I could see him working. Yeah,

1246
01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:45,280
Speaker 1: and so I just in that time where I kind

1247
01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:49,959
Speaker 1: of honestly in a way focused on me to give him,

1248
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:54,679
Speaker 1: like to let him have his space and figure it out,

1249
01:08:55,080 --> 01:09:02,320
Speaker 1: I found myself in a weird way, and I met

1250
01:09:03,120 --> 01:09:04,879
Speaker 1: women who.

1251
01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:15,080
Speaker 3: Just like spoke life to me. You know, things.

1252
01:09:16,439 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 1: Just started falling away, but like also into place, and

1253
01:09:26,880 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 1: I got like just things became more clear. I just

1254
01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:36,400
Speaker 1: started becoming more clear, and it just felt like our

1255
01:09:36,720 --> 01:09:42,320
Speaker 1: time was running its course, and it just started to

1256
01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:44,559
Speaker 1: feel like we were kind of kicking the can down

1257
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:52,080
Speaker 1: the road. And I was still trying to make it work.

1258
01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 1: But I think I was trying to make it work

1259
01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:56,200
Speaker 1: out of guilt.

1260
01:09:57,439 --> 01:10:00,080
Speaker 3: Knowing what he had in best.

1261
01:10:00,120 --> 01:10:04,559
Speaker 1: Did and just the time and the energy, and you know,

1262
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:12,360
Speaker 1: both of us, and I just knew that that's that

1263
01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:21,799
Speaker 1: wasn't a good reason to stay. But there really wasn't

1264
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 1: a straw. It just time.

1265
01:10:25,479 --> 01:10:28,400
Speaker 3: And I think us going on the break.

1266
01:10:29,840 --> 01:10:33,800
Speaker 1: Was the I don't want to say it gave me

1267
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,599
Speaker 1: the confidence or the courage to do what I felt

1268
01:10:36,640 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 1: like maybe was there, but it it it almost like

1269
01:10:43,439 --> 01:10:49,080
Speaker 1: gave me the It almost like primed my emotions for it.

1270
01:10:49,120 --> 01:10:51,759
Speaker 1: Like I went, I was, we were on the break

1271
01:10:51,960 --> 01:10:57,000
Speaker 1: and I was going through the grief, and then it

1272
01:10:57,200 --> 01:11:01,320
Speaker 1: just happened like we were in therapy, and.

1273
01:11:02,880 --> 01:11:09,719
Speaker 3: I remember she said something like, how do you guys

1274
01:11:09,760 --> 01:11:15,000
Speaker 3: want to move forward? And I just I just said it.

1275
01:11:15,439 --> 01:11:17,799
Speaker 3: I can't. I can't do it anymore.

1276
01:11:18,520 --> 01:11:28,920
Speaker 2: And I love that you got around women, and I

1277
01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:32,240
Speaker 2: love that you did what you needed to do to

1278
01:11:32,400 --> 01:11:37,840
Speaker 2: thine own self be true, because once you say I do,

1279
01:11:39,240 --> 01:11:46,719
Speaker 2: you are committed. And I believe that whatever your spirit

1280
01:11:47,360 --> 01:11:51,719
Speaker 2: was discerning, there will be learnings. You will look back,

1281
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:55,040
Speaker 2: you will say and see where you could have done better.

1282
01:11:56,439 --> 01:11:59,600
Speaker 2: But when you take those vows, I believe that you

1283
01:11:59,640 --> 01:12:05,400
Speaker 2: will take them forever. I believe that you are brilliant

1284
01:12:06,040 --> 01:12:11,240
Speaker 2: and beautiful and delight and that God has so much

1285
01:12:11,520 --> 01:12:15,680
Speaker 2: in store for you as a wife. And so I

1286
01:12:15,760 --> 01:12:22,720
Speaker 2: want you during this season to stay encouraged, stay connected

1287
01:12:23,760 --> 01:12:29,559
Speaker 2: to great women, to great people, seek wisdom, watch this back,

1288
01:12:30,520 --> 01:12:36,280
Speaker 2: take notes, listen to what people who are why say,

1289
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:41,320
Speaker 2: and drown out the people on the internet who are

1290
01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:42,519
Speaker 2: trying to destroy you.

1291
01:12:42,920 --> 01:12:44,479
Speaker 4: Yep, that's real.

1292
01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:49,720
Speaker 5: Thank you and getting your word, read your word, and

1293
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:52,639
Speaker 5: discover what it is that who God says you are.

1294
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:56,599
Speaker 5: Because again a lot of people don't give people grace

1295
01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:59,559
Speaker 5: the journey. But if they were honest with themselves, oh

1296
01:12:59,600 --> 01:13:00,760
Speaker 5: my god, they will tell you.

1297
01:13:00,800 --> 01:13:03,040
Speaker 4: They just people. I laugh at people on social media

1298
01:13:03,040 --> 01:13:04,559
Speaker 4: because I'd be like, you know, you wouldn't put.

1299
01:13:04,439 --> 01:13:10,040
Speaker 5: Your business at five in the video. You know, you

1300
01:13:10,040 --> 01:13:12,120
Speaker 5: wouldn't do what you did last week in the video.

1301
01:13:12,360 --> 01:13:13,720
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying that's why I laugh at

1302
01:13:13,760 --> 01:13:16,280
Speaker 5: people like that, and so I don't look at your

1303
01:13:16,360 --> 01:13:18,559
Speaker 5: journey and your story like, oh, I can't believe she

1304
01:13:18,600 --> 01:13:20,080
Speaker 5: did that. I'd be like, it's a part of the journey.

1305
01:13:20,360 --> 01:13:22,479
Speaker 5: It's the reason why I wrote this book. I said,

1306
01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:25,240
Speaker 5: this is the journey. If people don't give up on

1307
01:13:25,280 --> 01:13:29,360
Speaker 5: the journey and they can learn from the decisions they

1308
01:13:29,479 --> 01:13:31,960
Speaker 5: made and overcome it and grow and grow and grow

1309
01:13:32,120 --> 01:13:35,000
Speaker 5: still look back, and then you'll understand why that no

1310
01:13:35,320 --> 01:13:36,680
Speaker 5: in the past needed to be.

1311
01:13:36,640 --> 01:13:38,840
Speaker 4: A no when you wanted it to be a yes.

1312
01:13:39,200 --> 01:13:43,000
Speaker 5: When you when you I'm telling you, Nayan, no one

1313
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:46,200
Speaker 5: knows how hard it was for you to end it,

1314
01:13:46,560 --> 01:13:50,280
Speaker 5: but you you can't convince nobody that you can tell

1315
01:13:50,320 --> 01:13:52,800
Speaker 5: that you can. Sad tears this whole episode, and people

1316
01:13:52,840 --> 01:13:55,439
Speaker 5: like they fake, she ain't cry for real?

1317
01:13:55,960 --> 01:13:56,760
Speaker 4: Now why you ended?

1318
01:13:56,760 --> 01:13:58,360
Speaker 5: If you're gonna be crying today, they'd be making up

1319
01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:00,960
Speaker 5: all kinds of times like what are you thinking of?

1320
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:03,120
Speaker 4: Drowned that nonsense out.

1321
01:14:03,160 --> 01:14:06,080
Speaker 5: The reason why is because you went through the process

1322
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:09,160
Speaker 5: and it still hurts, not did it hurt being it

1323
01:14:09,320 --> 01:14:12,719
Speaker 5: still hurts. And so that's the part of the journey.

1324
01:14:12,760 --> 01:14:16,000
Speaker 5: That's the part of your journey. And I'll ask you

1325
01:14:16,040 --> 01:14:17,840
Speaker 5: this just for the sake of asking, do you still

1326
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:18,679
Speaker 5: desire marriage?

1327
01:14:18,960 --> 01:14:19,320
Speaker 3: I do?

1328
01:14:19,720 --> 01:14:20,080
Speaker 6: I do.

1329
01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:23,920
Speaker 4: What would you do different this time around?

1330
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:31,439
Speaker 1: I would be more intentional, honestly and not come off

1331
01:14:31,439 --> 01:14:36,599
Speaker 1: my square. It's funny because before I met him, I

1332
01:14:36,760 --> 01:14:39,720
Speaker 1: was so in my word and I was so like

1333
01:14:40,640 --> 01:14:45,320
Speaker 1: locked in with Christ and just my faith and my

1334
01:14:45,439 --> 01:14:50,720
Speaker 1: journey spiritually, and it did, you know, the last four

1335
01:14:50,800 --> 01:14:54,000
Speaker 1: years kind of become like an on and off thing.

1336
01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:59,120
Speaker 1: And I think in this season now, like that's my

1337
01:14:59,320 --> 01:15:02,759
Speaker 1: main focus. I mean, I've been to church every Sunday

1338
01:15:02,760 --> 01:15:05,320
Speaker 1: since I've left and moved out.

1339
01:15:05,479 --> 01:15:05,879
Speaker 8: And.

1340
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:11,160
Speaker 1: I've been in my Bible and I've just really fol

1341
01:15:11,479 --> 01:15:14,920
Speaker 1: been focusing. Like that's what has been keeping me honestly,

1342
01:15:15,000 --> 01:15:18,519
Speaker 1: Like afloat, people ask me, are you okay, I'm like, girl, yes,

1343
01:15:18,640 --> 01:15:23,040
Speaker 1: like I'm not, you know, because I know where my

1344
01:15:23,160 --> 01:15:28,240
Speaker 1: heart is, you know, and I know, like I know

1345
01:15:28,439 --> 01:15:31,280
Speaker 1: it's gonna be okay. So I don't have I do

1346
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:35,400
Speaker 1: believe in marriage, and I do. I've learned so much

1347
01:15:35,960 --> 01:15:40,400
Speaker 1: from the last four years and even you know, going

1348
01:15:40,439 --> 01:15:43,040
Speaker 1: through the engagement and the emotions that come out of

1349
01:15:43,080 --> 01:15:45,519
Speaker 1: it and just what it takes to be a fiance.

1350
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:49,320
Speaker 1: We were kind of playing fake marriage, you know, So

1351
01:15:49,920 --> 01:15:52,599
Speaker 1: even having to take on certain roles in that way,

1352
01:15:52,920 --> 01:15:55,000
Speaker 1: I've learned, you know, the kind of woman I want

1353
01:15:55,040 --> 01:15:56,960
Speaker 1: to be, the kind of woman I don't want to be,

1354
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:02,640
Speaker 1: and and what I want and I don't want in

1355
01:16:02,680 --> 01:16:07,880
Speaker 1: a relationship, and how to navigate hardships, you know, because

1356
01:16:07,920 --> 01:16:11,240
Speaker 1: in marriage you can't walk away. And so I think,

1357
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:15,520
Speaker 1: you know, God taught me surrender, He taught me obedience,

1358
01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:20,840
Speaker 1: but most importantly, he taught me how to trust. When

1359
01:16:20,880 --> 01:16:23,760
Speaker 1: I met him, I did not trust men whatsoever. I

1360
01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:28,240
Speaker 1: mean when I say at that time, he was exactly

1361
01:16:28,240 --> 01:16:31,800
Speaker 1: what I needed. I did not think that there was

1362
01:16:31,840 --> 01:16:34,320
Speaker 1: a man on earth who didn't cheat like in.

1363
01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:38,040
Speaker 4: Which is why you land in that video. Tell me

1364
01:16:38,080 --> 01:16:38,639
Speaker 4: he didn't cheat.

1365
01:16:38,760 --> 01:16:40,280
Speaker 1: No, he did, you know, And I really, and I

1366
01:16:40,400 --> 01:16:45,200
Speaker 1: honestly I said those words because I knew that if

1367
01:16:45,240 --> 01:16:49,760
Speaker 1: I didn't say something, it was going to assume and

1368
01:16:49,800 --> 01:16:52,080
Speaker 1: then he would get the backlash or someone you know,

1369
01:16:52,120 --> 01:16:54,479
Speaker 1: and I just wanted it to be. He's on on

1370
01:16:54,479 --> 01:16:57,000
Speaker 1: social media, he can't really defend himself. So I was like,

1371
01:16:57,160 --> 01:17:06,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to say it this way, and and.

1372
01:17:03,600 --> 01:17:08,880
Speaker 3: You know, like it just it's still yeah, but yeah,

1373
01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:09,280
Speaker 3: I've learned.

1374
01:17:09,320 --> 01:17:13,840
Speaker 1: I've learned so much, and the lessons that I take,

1375
01:17:14,240 --> 01:17:16,519
Speaker 1: you know, going forward, I think will carrying me through.

1376
01:17:16,640 --> 01:17:19,320
Speaker 1: And of course, you know, the journey is the journey.

1377
01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:25,240
Speaker 1: It's lifelong, and I'm I'm excited for this next chapter.

1378
01:17:26,320 --> 01:17:28,200
Speaker 5: No, that's the reason why I had you come on here,

1379
01:17:28,280 --> 01:17:30,840
Speaker 5: because I don't know if it's in your bio what

1380
01:17:30,920 --> 01:17:32,840
Speaker 5: does your bio say? Does your bio say about you've

1381
01:17:32,840 --> 01:17:33,400
Speaker 5: been a Christian?

1382
01:17:34,280 --> 01:17:37,000
Speaker 1: I think I might, I might say, what do you say?

1383
01:17:37,240 --> 01:17:38,600
Speaker 1: Woman of God or something.

1384
01:17:38,680 --> 01:17:40,160
Speaker 5: Said something like that, And I said, okay, I can

1385
01:17:40,160 --> 01:17:42,559
Speaker 5: talk to him, because if you out here, just over

1386
01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:45,160
Speaker 5: here breaking hearts and you and I can't hold you

1387
01:17:45,200 --> 01:17:47,479
Speaker 5: accountable to the Bible, then it's just we're just going

1388
01:17:47,560 --> 01:17:50,000
Speaker 5: to have just a wasted conversation, right, you know. But

1389
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:53,240
Speaker 5: because I read that and I told asked, I was like, oh,

1390
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:54,120
Speaker 5: she's a Christian.

1391
01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:56,120
Speaker 4: Let's let's le let's talk to her.

1392
01:17:56,560 --> 01:18:00,800
Speaker 5: Because that's why I say that your decision had to

1393
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:04,519
Speaker 5: not just be based on you, it had to be

1394
01:18:05,000 --> 01:18:07,519
Speaker 5: well I assume That's why I said, Am I accurate

1395
01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:08,280
Speaker 5: in assuming that?

1396
01:18:08,640 --> 01:18:11,679
Speaker 4: Is that I assume that you had to check it through.

1397
01:18:11,680 --> 01:18:14,839
Speaker 5: And then I remember you said something about seeking therapy

1398
01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:16,800
Speaker 5: and having therapy, So I said, okay, so she has

1399
01:18:16,840 --> 01:18:20,080
Speaker 5: therapy around her. She's a woman of God, she's she's

1400
01:18:20,120 --> 01:18:23,759
Speaker 5: consulting with God. And then now you even told about

1401
01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:26,679
Speaker 5: the family and all that. Then it's like, all right,

1402
01:18:27,000 --> 01:18:29,320
Speaker 5: you made this decision and it was the best decision

1403
01:18:29,320 --> 01:18:30,120
Speaker 5: you could possibly make.

1404
01:18:31,040 --> 01:18:33,880
Speaker 4: That's just it. It doesn't even matter what I think.

1405
01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:36,240
Speaker 5: It doesn't matter what Accid think, no matter what nobody think,

1406
01:18:36,280 --> 01:18:38,240
Speaker 5: don't even matter what his parents think, no matter what

1407
01:18:38,320 --> 01:18:39,000
Speaker 5: your parents think.

1408
01:18:39,600 --> 01:18:40,760
Speaker 4: When you say I do.

1409
01:18:41,080 --> 01:18:42,919
Speaker 5: And this is why I want people to fully understand,

1410
01:18:43,439 --> 01:18:47,679
Speaker 5: is that an engagement is an engagement. But even at

1411
01:18:47,760 --> 01:18:52,479
Speaker 5: the wedding, they say, do anyone else see any just

1412
01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:54,760
Speaker 5: cause for these people not to be married? They asked

1413
01:18:54,760 --> 01:18:58,559
Speaker 5: the people that. Then they asked the person do you

1414
01:18:58,720 --> 01:19:01,360
Speaker 5: la teris? Except ask asked do you accept the tists?

1415
01:19:01,360 --> 01:19:03,360
Speaker 5: At any point either of us could have said no,

1416
01:19:04,360 --> 01:19:06,639
Speaker 5: and they'd be like, what we just wasted every by time,

1417
01:19:06,680 --> 01:19:09,599
Speaker 5: we'll pack up your stuff, we're gonna go to this reception.

1418
01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:11,280
Speaker 5: Still eat the food though, but it ain't gonna be

1419
01:19:11,320 --> 01:19:13,599
Speaker 5: no wedding. They still wait for you to do that,

1420
01:19:13,720 --> 01:19:16,960
Speaker 5: and then the efficient still wakes to after all that's

1421
01:19:17,000 --> 01:19:20,400
Speaker 5: over it to sign and decree it as final. So

1422
01:19:20,760 --> 01:19:24,040
Speaker 5: it's processing. Some people be like, got this ring and

1423
01:19:24,080 --> 01:19:29,000
Speaker 5: then she called it off listen. At the beginning of

1424
01:19:29,080 --> 01:19:32,280
Speaker 5: last year, I said the Dear Future WiFi podcast, I

1425
01:19:32,360 --> 01:19:34,840
Speaker 5: wanted to be a safe place where we increase marriage

1426
01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:37,600
Speaker 5: rates in the black community and decrease divorce statistics.

1427
01:19:39,360 --> 01:19:41,240
Speaker 4: And we did both. At the end of the.

1428
01:19:41,320 --> 01:19:44,439
Speaker 5: Day, You're going to have a healthy marriage once that

1429
01:19:44,520 --> 01:19:48,760
Speaker 5: takes place, and we decreased divorce statistics while having you

1430
01:19:49,120 --> 01:19:51,720
Speaker 5: be able to be brave enough not to step out

1431
01:19:51,760 --> 01:19:54,439
Speaker 5: into something that you wasn't one hundred percent sure about.

1432
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:57,920
Speaker 5: You don't deserve that. He don't deserve that. Neither one

1433
01:19:57,920 --> 01:20:00,840
Speaker 5: of your families deserved that, and the world and the

1434
01:20:01,040 --> 01:20:03,879
Speaker 5: Christian faith do not deserve another divorce.

1435
01:20:04,280 --> 01:20:05,960
Speaker 4: And so that's the reason why I can celebrate you,

1436
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:06,760
Speaker 4: I can salute you.

1437
01:20:07,720 --> 01:20:13,120
Speaker 5: I can also empathize with my brother who said, like,

1438
01:20:13,200 --> 01:20:15,240
Speaker 5: I did all this, and and you said, I bet

1439
01:20:15,280 --> 01:20:17,120
Speaker 5: you're kicking themselves right now just even moving in.

1440
01:20:17,360 --> 01:20:18,000
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying.

1441
01:20:18,760 --> 01:20:20,880
Speaker 5: It's interesting because I didn't know how y'all met, but

1442
01:20:20,960 --> 01:20:23,960
Speaker 5: you sat there and pretty much was like, hey, can

1443
01:20:24,000 --> 01:20:27,040
Speaker 5: I get your numbers? Can get your numbers so we

1444
01:20:27,040 --> 01:20:29,599
Speaker 5: can work on this little fitness thing. But even him like, see,

1445
01:20:29,880 --> 01:20:32,120
Speaker 5: see it just I thought she liked me. I thought

1446
01:20:32,200 --> 01:20:32,760
Speaker 5: she want me.

1447
01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:35,200
Speaker 4: And it's not so much about that.

1448
01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:37,360
Speaker 5: It's about the fact that at the end of the day,

1449
01:20:37,400 --> 01:20:39,920
Speaker 5: and I want people to understand, what's not supposed to

1450
01:20:39,920 --> 01:20:43,080
Speaker 5: work out ain't supposed to work out. It just is like,

1451
01:20:43,880 --> 01:20:46,840
Speaker 5: celebrate that. And I know you wouldn't feel good about

1452
01:20:46,920 --> 01:20:49,439
Speaker 5: him celebrating it didn't work out. Thank Lord, you saved

1453
01:20:49,479 --> 01:20:51,880
Speaker 5: me from Naya. You know what I'm saying, That's not

1454
01:20:51,920 --> 01:20:54,599
Speaker 5: where you want. But the reality is we all need

1455
01:20:54,640 --> 01:20:58,680
Speaker 5: to look at failed relationships as that to say, for

1456
01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:02,240
Speaker 5: I know the plans you have for me, you know,

1457
01:21:02,400 --> 01:21:04,640
Speaker 5: for I know the plans you have for me to

1458
01:21:04,720 --> 01:21:07,559
Speaker 5: prosper me and give me a great future. That is

1459
01:21:07,600 --> 01:21:11,479
Speaker 5: what we all need to understand, is that God gives

1460
01:21:11,560 --> 01:21:13,439
Speaker 5: us a great future. When I look back on every

1461
01:21:13,479 --> 01:21:16,639
Speaker 5: relationship that didn't work out. I told actually this, uh

1462
01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:20,160
Speaker 5: in August, after about less than a month of us dating,

1463
01:21:20,880 --> 01:21:24,639
Speaker 5: I said, I real well, April, I said August April,

1464
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:28,479
Speaker 5: where I said, what did I I.

1465
01:21:28,479 --> 01:21:30,760
Speaker 4: Won't even read it. What did I say?

1466
01:21:31,160 --> 01:21:35,120
Speaker 5: I think it's in your phone where I talked about

1467
01:21:35,439 --> 01:21:36,080
Speaker 5: you gave she.

1468
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:38,280
Speaker 4: Helped me.

1469
01:21:38,280 --> 01:21:40,679
Speaker 5: Meeting her and knowing who she was in my life

1470
01:21:41,040 --> 01:21:45,960
Speaker 5: made every fair relationship makes sense because it's literally saying

1471
01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:46,760
Speaker 5: that it just.

1472
01:21:46,800 --> 01:21:48,120
Speaker 4: Did not work out.

1473
01:21:48,320 --> 01:21:53,720
Speaker 5: And had I committed to any of that knowing that

1474
01:21:53,920 --> 01:21:57,000
Speaker 5: this would come into my life, I would have made

1475
01:21:57,000 --> 01:22:02,040
Speaker 5: a bad decision she made, she made. I'm trying not

1476
01:22:02,080 --> 01:22:05,080
Speaker 5: to get emotional here. When you meet the person that

1477
01:22:05,120 --> 01:22:10,439
Speaker 5: God has grafted for your heart, everything that didn't work out,

1478
01:22:10,520 --> 01:22:14,120
Speaker 5: you say it still worked out for my good. And

1479
01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:16,479
Speaker 5: I want to edit that scripture that says it worked

1480
01:22:16,479 --> 01:22:20,400
Speaker 5: out for my great because God gave me a woman

1481
01:22:20,560 --> 01:22:23,880
Speaker 5: so great that no matter what we.

1482
01:22:23,760 --> 01:22:25,880
Speaker 4: Go through, I'm willing to go through it with her.

1483
01:22:26,520 --> 01:22:28,880
Speaker 5: Like even when I hear you say certain things, and

1484
01:22:28,920 --> 01:22:31,200
Speaker 5: I'll be honest, because why you're certain saying certain things

1485
01:22:31,720 --> 01:22:34,800
Speaker 5: about stuff that didn't work out, I go, I'll go

1486
01:22:34,880 --> 01:22:37,040
Speaker 5: through that with Ashley. I'll go through that with Ashley.

1487
01:22:37,120 --> 01:22:39,040
Speaker 5: There's nothing I wouldn't I wouldn't tap out. And I

1488
01:22:39,080 --> 01:22:41,000
Speaker 5: told her that, I said, you're gonna just get rid

1489
01:22:41,040 --> 01:22:42,479
Speaker 5: of me, because at the end of the day, ain't

1490
01:22:42,479 --> 01:22:45,040
Speaker 5: going nowhere. I ain't going nowhere. I'm gonna honor you,

1491
01:22:45,080 --> 01:22:47,280
Speaker 5: i'mna be faithful to you. I ain't going nowhere. So

1492
01:22:47,320 --> 01:22:49,160
Speaker 5: the reality of it is, I told her that she's

1493
01:22:49,240 --> 01:22:51,639
Speaker 5: my ultimate due over. I've been through a divorce before,

1494
01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:55,040
Speaker 5: and I was able to rectify my mind in my

1495
01:22:55,200 --> 01:22:59,280
Speaker 5: heart and create core values of what I desired and

1496
01:22:59,320 --> 01:23:03,040
Speaker 5: what I wanted. And I didn't compromise until I got

1497
01:23:03,080 --> 01:23:05,840
Speaker 5: what I wanted. And so I encourage you the same

1498
01:23:06,120 --> 01:23:07,720
Speaker 5: as you go through your case. I'm gonna give you

1499
01:23:07,760 --> 01:23:09,680
Speaker 5: the book Student of Love, and I want you to

1500
01:23:09,720 --> 01:23:11,680
Speaker 5: take this book home, and I want you to read it,

1501
01:23:11,760 --> 01:23:13,760
Speaker 5: and I want you to share back with me the

1502
01:23:13,840 --> 01:23:16,559
Speaker 5: nuggets that you learn from. And I guarantee you gonna

1503
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:19,280
Speaker 5: be like WHOA. I wish I had this before I

1504
01:23:19,320 --> 01:23:23,200
Speaker 5: even said, before I even accepted the engagement. It's gonna,

1505
01:23:23,240 --> 01:23:28,320
Speaker 5: it's gonna, it's gonna be has to go ahead, closes out.

1506
01:23:28,320 --> 01:23:29,559
Speaker 5: I tell her what she need to do next because

1507
01:23:29,560 --> 01:23:31,320
Speaker 5: she have me preach. I love when I see people

1508
01:23:31,320 --> 01:23:33,639
Speaker 5: in this process, because I love the process that you're

1509
01:23:33,640 --> 01:23:34,240
Speaker 5: in right now.

1510
01:23:34,280 --> 01:23:36,000
Speaker 4: It's ugly so ugly process you're in.

1511
01:23:36,000 --> 01:23:39,880
Speaker 5: Right now because because it's you're getting the opinions of

1512
01:23:39,920 --> 01:23:42,240
Speaker 5: other people in the park, in the in the in

1513
01:23:42,280 --> 01:23:44,400
Speaker 5: the place in your life where you're still trying to

1514
01:23:44,439 --> 01:23:48,960
Speaker 5: find clarity within yourself, because you like, like, if you

1515
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:52,120
Speaker 5: didn't think at all throughout this interview or prior to

1516
01:23:52,280 --> 01:23:54,200
Speaker 5: what is he gonna think when he sees the interview,

1517
01:23:54,479 --> 01:23:58,519
Speaker 5: then you're dead inside. Your mind is like, I won't

1518
01:23:58,560 --> 01:24:00,479
Speaker 5: say too much stuff. Even when she ad asked you,

1519
01:24:00,560 --> 01:24:02,439
Speaker 5: because I watched I'm i'ma tell you what I do.

1520
01:24:02,800 --> 01:24:05,240
Speaker 5: When Ashley asked you, what was the question? You asked

1521
01:24:05,240 --> 01:24:08,120
Speaker 5: about what are some things that do you mind sharing

1522
01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:12,360
Speaker 5: some things that? What had your word because I don't

1523
01:24:12,360 --> 01:24:15,280
Speaker 5: want to change your wording about about her ex?

1524
01:24:15,520 --> 01:24:16,479
Speaker 4: How did she word it to you?

1525
01:24:16,680 --> 01:24:20,559
Speaker 1: She said, what were some of the things that led

1526
01:24:20,600 --> 01:24:23,839
Speaker 1: to kind of the disconnect or distress?

1527
01:24:23,880 --> 01:24:24,559
Speaker 4: And I watched you.

1528
01:24:24,520 --> 01:24:29,840
Speaker 5: Sit there and go, what am I comfortable sharing? I

1529
01:24:29,840 --> 01:24:32,160
Speaker 5: don't want to say that. I don't want to say that.

1530
01:24:32,479 --> 01:24:34,559
Speaker 5: I don't want to say that. What am my company?

1531
01:24:34,640 --> 01:24:39,200
Speaker 4: I just said? Okay, So so I had to start

1532
01:24:39,240 --> 01:24:41,519
Speaker 4: trying to get you together because in your mind, you're

1533
01:24:41,600 --> 01:24:43,479
Speaker 4: like I can't all that.

1534
01:24:43,600 --> 01:24:46,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, you can just see people go through their thought

1535
01:24:46,520 --> 01:24:49,439
Speaker 5: process because the reality of it is is like, you're

1536
01:24:49,479 --> 01:24:52,240
Speaker 5: still gotta protect And you said this and it didn't

1537
01:24:52,240 --> 01:24:55,280
Speaker 5: follow deaf ears later on, after after I Askedy asked

1538
01:24:55,280 --> 01:24:56,559
Speaker 5: you a question, but later on you say, he's a

1539
01:24:56,600 --> 01:24:57,280
Speaker 5: very private person.

1540
01:24:57,600 --> 01:25:01,400
Speaker 4: They don't have social media, so it's like, oh.

1541
01:25:00,960 --> 01:25:03,640
Speaker 5: This stuff could go viral in this other world to

1542
01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:06,800
Speaker 5: go do whatever, and then and then he can't even

1543
01:25:07,000 --> 01:25:09,280
Speaker 5: defend himself, you know what I'm saying. So and I

1544
01:25:09,320 --> 01:25:11,599
Speaker 5: heard you say that, and that was and that was cool.

1545
01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:14,599
Speaker 5: And so the reality of that is, I understand you're

1546
01:25:14,640 --> 01:25:15,760
Speaker 5: still covering him.

1547
01:25:15,880 --> 01:25:18,040
Speaker 4: You're still trying to make sure.

1548
01:25:17,840 --> 01:25:19,840
Speaker 5: You know, you got family that's gonna look at it,

1549
01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:22,200
Speaker 5: you got all of that, uh, And so you're still

1550
01:25:22,280 --> 01:25:25,280
Speaker 5: navigating all that, And so I understand it.

1551
01:25:25,600 --> 01:25:27,720
Speaker 4: And at the end of the day, you deal well

1552
01:25:27,760 --> 01:25:28,400
Speaker 4: in this interview.

1553
01:25:28,520 --> 01:25:31,400
Speaker 5: And I'm glad that you trusted us enough to be

1554
01:25:31,560 --> 01:25:35,280
Speaker 5: vulnerable in this because the wound is still a little open,

1555
01:25:35,560 --> 01:25:37,240
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. It's still a little open wound,

1556
01:25:37,520 --> 01:25:39,840
Speaker 5: and so we got to be careful that we don't

1557
01:25:39,880 --> 01:25:43,160
Speaker 5: infect it while it's healing or have you running off

1558
01:25:43,160 --> 01:25:45,240
Speaker 5: because you see, I ain't doing no content no more.

1559
01:25:45,439 --> 01:25:45,960
Speaker 4: Forget this.

1560
01:25:46,000 --> 01:25:48,439
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go give me a job at telemarketing at age.

1561
01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:50,760
Speaker 5: I ain't gonna do nothing this content creation. Have you

1562
01:25:50,760 --> 01:25:54,479
Speaker 5: ever felt that in this process?

1563
01:25:55,760 --> 01:25:58,000
Speaker 3: No? No, not really, not really.

1564
01:25:58,120 --> 01:26:01,880
Speaker 1: And I think because I know, like, it doesn't have

1565
01:26:01,920 --> 01:26:06,080
Speaker 1: to be my end all be all. But I've also

1566
01:26:06,160 --> 01:26:11,240
Speaker 1: been in TV for ten years, so I've heard a lot.

1567
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:13,400
Speaker 3: Worse than what you know, some people have said on

1568
01:26:13,439 --> 01:26:13,920
Speaker 3: the internet.

1569
01:26:14,640 --> 01:26:15,959
Speaker 4: Real people be talking about.

1570
01:26:16,720 --> 01:26:19,720
Speaker 1: Oh for sure. I remember the first time I ever

1571
01:26:19,880 --> 01:26:22,800
Speaker 1: had braids in my hair. Oh lord, the amount of

1572
01:26:22,840 --> 01:26:26,360
Speaker 1: emails I got about having braids in my hair on

1573
01:26:26,439 --> 01:26:31,240
Speaker 1: the anchor desk was insane. So, yeah, I thick skin.

1574
01:26:31,479 --> 01:26:34,400
Speaker 1: And then I played sports, so you know, you just

1575
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:37,960
Speaker 1: I played basketball, so you just you know, tough skin.

1576
01:26:39,200 --> 01:26:39,920
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1577
01:26:39,960 --> 01:26:42,200
Speaker 5: But was this the first time on social media wid

1578
01:26:42,280 --> 01:26:44,840
Speaker 5: during your content career that you got negative? Yeah?

1579
01:26:44,920 --> 01:26:48,040
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah. And I was not expecting.

1580
01:26:48,240 --> 01:26:53,080
Speaker 1: The video to go viral the way that it did.

1581
01:26:55,120 --> 01:26:57,679
Speaker 3: It was just all very unexpected. I knew.

1582
01:26:59,280 --> 01:27:01,479
Speaker 1: For you know, I know a lot of people are like,

1583
01:27:01,520 --> 01:27:03,760
Speaker 1: why did she post on? Like why did she post it?

1584
01:27:03,880 --> 01:27:08,120
Speaker 1: The the leaving the engagement isn't the problem. It was

1585
01:27:08,240 --> 01:27:11,920
Speaker 1: you posting it online for everyone to see. But for me,

1586
01:27:12,680 --> 01:27:15,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, that's what I do. I'm an I'm

1587
01:27:15,040 --> 01:27:18,320
Speaker 1: an influencer. I'm a content creator. I create content. I

1588
01:27:18,360 --> 01:27:22,360
Speaker 1: literally show the whole entire process of me tearing my

1589
01:27:22,400 --> 01:27:25,200
Speaker 1: achilles and going through having to walk again, you know,

1590
01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:29,559
Speaker 1: and just everything my engagement itself. I remember vogging the

1591
01:27:29,560 --> 01:27:32,400
Speaker 1: whole thing, like, oh, I think I'm gonna get engaged today.

1592
01:27:32,560 --> 01:27:34,679
Speaker 3: Like you know, there was a whole thing.

1593
01:27:34,840 --> 01:27:37,880
Speaker 1: There was a whole like I and I vlog everything,

1594
01:27:38,479 --> 01:27:41,479
Speaker 1: so I didn't know, but like I kind of had

1595
01:27:41,520 --> 01:27:44,920
Speaker 1: an inkling, So yeah, there was yeah, I mean.

1596
01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:46,360
Speaker 4: Jokes with me talking about.

1597
01:27:52,080 --> 01:27:52,439
Speaker 3: Surprised.

1598
01:27:53,439 --> 01:27:54,000
Speaker 4: I was just like.

1599
01:27:57,520 --> 01:27:59,280
Speaker 6: That, he said, I love you so.

1600
01:27:59,439 --> 01:28:01,040
Speaker 4: Much because I was about to tell me.

1601
01:28:01,160 --> 01:28:03,120
Speaker 6: It was like I know this, Yeah, he was like no,

1602
01:28:03,160 --> 01:28:05,080
Speaker 6: but like so much.

1603
01:28:07,680 --> 01:28:10,000
Speaker 5: Because I was about to tell her that because when

1604
01:28:10,000 --> 01:28:13,000
Speaker 5: I tell you, I can't stand lying to her.

1605
01:28:13,280 --> 01:28:15,000
Speaker 4: And that's the first time I ever had the lot

1606
01:28:15,080 --> 01:28:16,720
Speaker 4: of her. You know, I'm lying to.

1607
01:28:16,680 --> 01:28:20,960
Speaker 5: Her for quote unquote her good because I'm proposed, you know,

1608
01:28:21,120 --> 01:28:25,080
Speaker 5: planning this proposal. But it was eating me up. And

1609
01:28:25,120 --> 01:28:29,840
Speaker 5: even right before I proposed. I said, listen, I hate

1610
01:28:29,920 --> 01:28:32,719
Speaker 5: and I'm glad that God changed my heart so much

1611
01:28:33,080 --> 01:28:35,439
Speaker 5: that I hated lying to her.

1612
01:28:35,400 --> 01:28:37,040
Speaker 4: Even when it was for a good cause.

1613
01:28:37,520 --> 01:28:39,360
Speaker 5: I knew God had changed me, He had changed some

1614
01:28:39,400 --> 01:28:40,800
Speaker 5: stuff because back in the day I lied to it

1615
01:28:40,840 --> 01:28:42,800
Speaker 5: one like, hey, I lied to my wife, like hey,

1616
01:28:42,840 --> 01:28:43,639
Speaker 5: this is what it is.

1617
01:28:43,680 --> 01:28:45,280
Speaker 4: Where I just came from lying.

1618
01:28:45,560 --> 01:28:49,160
Speaker 1: I'm interested to know how did you propose? What was

1619
01:28:49,160 --> 01:28:50,920
Speaker 1: the process, like the.

1620
01:28:50,840 --> 01:28:52,880
Speaker 4: Process of the planning or the process of what the.

1621
01:28:52,880 --> 01:28:55,439
Speaker 3: Proposal was planning, and just the whole thing.

1622
01:28:55,680 --> 01:28:58,559
Speaker 5: I wrote a song with my friend Mike Bethie and

1623
01:28:58,640 --> 01:29:01,200
Speaker 5: I songwriter.

1624
01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:02,479
Speaker 4: We wrote a song.

1625
01:29:02,760 --> 01:29:05,680
Speaker 5: I asked her to give me the notes of all

1626
01:29:05,720 --> 01:29:07,760
Speaker 5: the stuff. She had kept notes of things that I

1627
01:29:07,760 --> 01:29:11,160
Speaker 5: had said to her, quotables quotables she called it quotables,

1628
01:29:11,160 --> 01:29:12,559
Speaker 5: And I said, can you do me a favor and

1629
01:29:12,640 --> 01:29:13,639
Speaker 5: just send me those whatever?

1630
01:29:13,640 --> 01:29:15,439
Speaker 4: I just wanted to look at it. That wasn't the

1631
01:29:15,479 --> 01:29:17,719
Speaker 4: tip off, was it? No? Okay?

1632
01:29:17,720 --> 01:29:17,960
Speaker 1: Good?

1633
01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:20,200
Speaker 6: I was like, oh, he's reflecting on the things that

1634
01:29:20,240 --> 01:29:20,639
Speaker 6: he said.

1635
01:29:20,720 --> 01:29:21,000
Speaker 1: Good.

1636
01:29:21,160 --> 01:29:22,600
Speaker 4: So then I told her to send that to me.

1637
01:29:22,880 --> 01:29:26,320
Speaker 5: And then my friend came to my house and we

1638
01:29:26,360 --> 01:29:30,400
Speaker 5: wrote this song together called Marry Me. And then I

1639
01:29:30,479 --> 01:29:33,839
Speaker 5: called up Warren Campbell. He's the pastor of Cali Worship.

1640
01:29:33,880 --> 01:29:36,240
Speaker 5: That's the church where I first met her at when

1641
01:29:36,280 --> 01:29:38,240
Speaker 5: they had booked me to do the Dear Future WiFi

1642
01:29:38,320 --> 01:29:41,240
Speaker 5: podcast there in November twenty sixth of twenty twenty three.

1643
01:29:41,680 --> 01:29:44,720
Speaker 5: And so I called him and said, listen, I would

1644
01:29:44,760 --> 01:29:47,200
Speaker 5: love you to produce this song. And I said, I

1645
01:29:47,280 --> 01:29:50,360
Speaker 5: met her at your church when I was visiting, and

1646
01:29:50,600 --> 01:29:51,760
Speaker 5: I just I would love for you to be a

1647
01:29:51,760 --> 01:29:54,040
Speaker 5: part of it. He said, bet got you. So he

1648
01:29:54,080 --> 01:29:57,200
Speaker 5: produced this. He produced the track, This multi Grammy Award

1649
01:29:57,240 --> 01:30:01,640
Speaker 5: winner producer produced the t I said, cool. Then I

1650
01:30:01,680 --> 01:30:05,200
Speaker 5: had my boy Kenny Lattimore actually sing the song. So

1651
01:30:05,479 --> 01:30:07,160
Speaker 5: we had to lie to her to tell her why

1652
01:30:07,240 --> 01:30:10,360
Speaker 5: we were coming to LA to record the song because

1653
01:30:10,360 --> 01:30:12,960
Speaker 5: that first album was to record it, and then I

1654
01:30:13,000 --> 01:30:14,920
Speaker 5: was gonna record it and have him sing it in

1655
01:30:14,960 --> 01:30:15,519
Speaker 5: the proposal.

1656
01:30:15,720 --> 01:30:18,160
Speaker 4: So we did all of that, and then.

1657
01:30:18,280 --> 01:30:21,680
Speaker 6: I got Kenny to lie, Yeah, Keny to lie n lie.

1658
01:30:21,800 --> 01:30:23,600
Speaker 5: Well, he told the truth. He said he needed me

1659
01:30:23,720 --> 01:30:27,320
Speaker 5: to record him recording the song, and that's why I

1660
01:30:27,360 --> 01:30:29,160
Speaker 5: went to LA to record the song.

1661
01:30:29,560 --> 01:30:31,880
Speaker 6: Made me believe that it was for Kenny's album.

1662
01:30:33,080 --> 01:30:38,320
Speaker 5: The album of his Heart and so we did that.

1663
01:30:38,400 --> 01:30:40,080
Speaker 4: So I go to LA and I was like, guess what,

1664
01:30:40,160 --> 01:30:42,320
Speaker 4: I'm gonna come to La tomorrow. I'll be able to

1665
01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:43,479
Speaker 4: see you. You know what I'm saying.

1666
01:30:44,000 --> 01:30:46,200
Speaker 2: Okay, I forgot about everything else because I was like, yeah,

1667
01:30:47,680 --> 01:30:51,320
Speaker 2: I like that, and you never thought you never, No,

1668
01:30:51,439 --> 01:30:53,879
Speaker 2: I did, but just he was doing a good job at.

1669
01:30:53,720 --> 01:30:56,400
Speaker 5: First, and then it started falling bore started falling apart

1670
01:30:56,560 --> 01:30:58,679
Speaker 5: because I told her that I had to figure out

1671
01:30:58,760 --> 01:31:01,400
Speaker 5: how do I get her to the church on the day.

1672
01:31:02,080 --> 01:31:03,160
Speaker 4: How did I get on the church?

1673
01:31:03,720 --> 01:31:07,120
Speaker 5: I told her that Warren Campbell and Erica Campbell was

1674
01:31:07,160 --> 01:31:10,920
Speaker 5: thinking about bringing their reality show back and they want

1675
01:31:10,960 --> 01:31:13,720
Speaker 5: to do some have me involved some kind of way,

1676
01:31:14,080 --> 01:31:16,479
Speaker 5: so they needed me to come to have a meeting.

1677
01:31:16,880 --> 01:31:21,040
Speaker 5: And then and then I said, because when we were

1678
01:31:21,080 --> 01:31:24,240
Speaker 5: travel at times, she would be my road manager, you know.

1679
01:31:24,520 --> 01:31:27,040
Speaker 5: And I said, and I need you to go ahead

1680
01:31:27,040 --> 01:31:29,280
Speaker 5: and come along with me to be like my manager

1681
01:31:29,320 --> 01:31:30,840
Speaker 5: or whatever. She said, we why don't you have your

1682
01:31:30,840 --> 01:31:33,360
Speaker 5: publishers go or whatever? I said, I ain't proposed to

1683
01:31:33,360 --> 01:31:34,599
Speaker 5: my publishers, That's what I want to.

1684
01:31:34,520 --> 01:31:37,760
Speaker 4: Say to it. I was like, I don't want to

1685
01:31:37,760 --> 01:31:38,320
Speaker 4: be on Campra.

1686
01:31:38,520 --> 01:31:42,880
Speaker 5: I said, it's not gonna be a big deal, just

1687
01:31:43,040 --> 01:31:44,759
Speaker 5: and I'm over talking about being on the whole reality.

1688
01:31:46,320 --> 01:31:49,479
Speaker 4: It's just I'm just saying they may be recording the

1689
01:31:49,560 --> 01:31:52,559
Speaker 4: behind the scenes of leading to it and so this,

1690
01:31:52,720 --> 01:31:54,679
Speaker 4: and so I called I.

1691
01:31:54,600 --> 01:31:57,240
Speaker 5: Called Warren Campbell on the phone, didn't and I called

1692
01:31:57,280 --> 01:32:01,360
Speaker 5: him on the phone with you. I caught him with you,

1693
01:32:01,439 --> 01:32:04,120
Speaker 5: and he started trying to talk, so he a whole passes,

1694
01:32:04,200 --> 01:32:06,960
Speaker 5: so he ain't lying, he's talking around it. And she

1695
01:32:07,000 --> 01:32:09,920
Speaker 5: said he gave it away the way the way, but

1696
01:32:09,960 --> 01:32:12,800
Speaker 5: she stidn't tell me, and I was like, she was

1697
01:32:12,840 --> 01:32:13,640
Speaker 5: just like, how was.

1698
01:32:13,640 --> 01:32:14,360
Speaker 6: I supposed to say?

1699
01:32:14,439 --> 01:32:18,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think my pastor is not.

1700
01:32:18,920 --> 01:32:21,280
Speaker 5: Because he was talking all in circles that didn't even

1701
01:32:21,360 --> 01:32:23,920
Speaker 5: make sense. And so I was like, I hope she believed.

1702
01:32:23,920 --> 01:32:25,679
Speaker 6: It's like, I know he's not lying because he wouldn't

1703
01:32:25,720 --> 01:32:25,920
Speaker 6: do that.

1704
01:32:26,040 --> 01:32:29,360
Speaker 5: And so he's just talking. He's leaving so much open room.

1705
01:32:29,479 --> 01:32:31,679
Speaker 5: He's not talking directly. She's like, oh, y'all playing songs.

1706
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:33,840
Speaker 5: So then I talked to her mom, talked to her friends,

1707
01:32:33,880 --> 01:32:36,559
Speaker 5: got her family all there, and then I get her

1708
01:32:36,560 --> 01:32:39,280
Speaker 5: to the church. We walk in. It was after church

1709
01:32:39,320 --> 01:32:43,160
Speaker 5: service and we walked. She walks through and all her

1710
01:32:43,160 --> 01:32:45,760
Speaker 5: family and friends are almost thirty people there handing her

1711
01:32:45,840 --> 01:32:48,920
Speaker 5: roses as she walks down, and then Kenny Latimore is

1712
01:32:48,960 --> 01:32:51,720
Speaker 5: on on stage. I walk up there and tell her

1713
01:32:51,760 --> 01:32:54,160
Speaker 5: what this moment is. And then killing Kenny comes out

1714
01:32:54,240 --> 01:32:56,840
Speaker 5: and sing that sings the song that I wrote for

1715
01:32:56,880 --> 01:32:58,360
Speaker 5: her called Marry Me.

1716
01:32:58,720 --> 01:32:59,360
Speaker 1: I love it that.

1717
01:33:00,120 --> 01:33:01,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was beautiful.

1718
01:33:01,960 --> 01:33:06,400
Speaker 5: And then and then after that, put your fingers and

1719
01:33:06,439 --> 01:33:09,200
Speaker 5: then I went and did I took her to an

1720
01:33:09,280 --> 01:33:13,120
Speaker 5: engagement lunch. And what happened was a couple of weeks

1721
01:33:13,120 --> 01:33:17,040
Speaker 5: prior to that, we had did the podcast in Chicago

1722
01:33:17,400 --> 01:33:20,759
Speaker 5: at Living Word Church and this other couple had talked

1723
01:33:20,760 --> 01:33:22,679
Speaker 5: to me. Well, this guy had talked to me prior

1724
01:33:22,720 --> 01:33:24,840
Speaker 5: to that saying he was engaged and he wanted well,

1725
01:33:24,920 --> 01:33:27,200
Speaker 5: he was had this girlfriend that he wanted to propose to,

1726
01:33:27,240 --> 01:33:29,080
Speaker 5: and they were on the panel. I said, do it

1727
01:33:29,439 --> 01:33:32,080
Speaker 5: at my podcast, do it. I'll have you on the panel.

1728
01:33:32,240 --> 01:33:34,640
Speaker 5: I helped them put it all together and he proposed.

1729
01:33:34,800 --> 01:33:37,080
Speaker 5: So then after that, all of us, you know, the

1730
01:33:37,080 --> 01:33:38,720
Speaker 5: people that were on the panel, we went off to

1731
01:33:38,720 --> 01:33:39,519
Speaker 5: eat and then.

1732
01:33:39,439 --> 01:33:40,240
Speaker 4: She sat next to me.

1733
01:33:40,280 --> 01:33:43,000
Speaker 5: She said, when we get engaged, I want you to

1734
01:33:43,000 --> 01:33:45,320
Speaker 5: make sure you get our family together, go eat like this,

1735
01:33:45,400 --> 01:33:47,280
Speaker 5: and I'm like, girl, when I want an engagement, I

1736
01:33:47,280 --> 01:33:49,120
Speaker 5: want engagement. Then I was like, she was last week,

1737
01:33:49,120 --> 01:33:51,479
Speaker 5: already had planned that set up. That's already set up

1738
01:33:51,520 --> 01:33:54,559
Speaker 5: and everything, and so that was interesting. And so then

1739
01:33:54,560 --> 01:33:56,920
Speaker 5: when that moment happened, I was like, that was already

1740
01:33:57,000 --> 01:33:58,680
Speaker 5: when you made that, we already had planned that a

1741
01:33:58,680 --> 01:34:03,439
Speaker 5: week ago. Because that the dude proposed, uh what was

1742
01:34:03,479 --> 01:34:07,000
Speaker 5: that the fourth the fifth? July the fifth, and then

1743
01:34:07,160 --> 01:34:10,200
Speaker 5: I proposed to her July the thirteenth.

1744
01:34:10,040 --> 01:34:11,040
Speaker 3: Oh wow, so it's.

1745
01:34:11,000 --> 01:34:12,519
Speaker 4: Literally the week before.

1746
01:34:12,880 --> 01:34:14,800
Speaker 5: And so it was just it was just this this,

1747
01:34:14,800 --> 01:34:16,000
Speaker 5: this this big old moment.

1748
01:34:16,080 --> 01:34:17,799
Speaker 4: But that was beautiful.

1749
01:34:18,000 --> 01:34:20,639
Speaker 6: It was so beautiful. It was so beautiful. He did

1750
01:34:20,640 --> 01:34:21,479
Speaker 6: a really good job.

1751
01:34:22,680 --> 01:34:24,599
Speaker 4: And I just, like I said, I just hated lying.

1752
01:34:24,640 --> 01:34:27,360
Speaker 2: I was like he said that in the proposal. He

1753
01:34:27,439 --> 01:34:29,120
Speaker 2: was like, I'm just really happy that we're here because

1754
01:34:29,160 --> 01:34:29,640
Speaker 2: I can't lie.

1755
01:34:29,640 --> 01:34:29,960
Speaker 6: Ton.

1756
01:34:30,680 --> 01:34:33,240
Speaker 4: I was taking trips, but I knew.

1757
01:34:33,320 --> 01:34:35,000
Speaker 6: I was like, you're going to Florida.

1758
01:34:35,400 --> 01:34:37,720
Speaker 5: I told I was going to Florida because fam you

1759
01:34:38,080 --> 01:34:43,480
Speaker 5: had booked me to do the commencement for their graduation

1760
01:34:43,600 --> 01:34:47,640
Speaker 5: for the summer. Summer session, and I said, yeah, they

1761
01:34:47,640 --> 01:34:49,320
Speaker 5: want me to come out there to kind of walk

1762
01:34:49,360 --> 01:34:51,960
Speaker 5: the walk the campus and talk to me about some

1763
01:34:51,960 --> 01:34:55,000
Speaker 5: stuff before I do that next month. And but I

1764
01:34:55,040 --> 01:34:57,839
Speaker 5: had through the Philadelphia to meet with the Philadelphia Diamond

1765
01:34:57,840 --> 01:34:59,679
Speaker 5: Company for this ring.

1766
01:34:59,640 --> 01:35:02,439
Speaker 3: To we love the Philly They so dope.

1767
01:35:02,560 --> 01:35:05,360
Speaker 5: So I had got this custom ring designed for sitting

1768
01:35:05,400 --> 01:35:07,920
Speaker 5: on her hand, but this custom ring designed for her,

1769
01:35:08,400 --> 01:35:13,000
Speaker 5: and and that's twelve carriages right there. Got the customering

1770
01:35:13,120 --> 01:35:15,519
Speaker 5: designed for her. But I had to go get it,

1771
01:35:15,720 --> 01:35:17,240
Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying. And so I told her

1772
01:35:17,240 --> 01:35:19,519
Speaker 5: I was in Florida to go get to go talk

1773
01:35:19,560 --> 01:35:22,439
Speaker 5: to I had all these missions and she talked to

1774
01:35:22,479 --> 01:35:24,960
Speaker 5: me on them and people that I'm like, oh, I'm

1775
01:35:25,439 --> 01:35:27,559
Speaker 5: it was. It was bad because I'm like, does this

1776
01:35:27,640 --> 01:35:29,840
Speaker 5: flight make sense? Because she said something about why are

1777
01:35:29,920 --> 01:35:32,640
Speaker 5: you going way over here on a connecting Why are

1778
01:35:32,680 --> 01:35:34,559
Speaker 5: you going to Detroit? Because I had a connecting flight,

1779
01:35:35,320 --> 01:35:38,240
Speaker 5: uh from from with Dell to go from Dallas to

1780
01:35:38,320 --> 01:35:41,080
Speaker 5: Detroit to Detroit to Philly. He said, why are you

1781
01:35:41,120 --> 01:35:43,679
Speaker 5: going all up to Detroit to go to Florida.

1782
01:35:43,760 --> 01:35:44,960
Speaker 4: I said, I don't run the.

1783
01:35:44,880 --> 01:35:49,120
Speaker 5: Airlines to pass about the questions.

1784
01:35:49,120 --> 01:35:50,240
Speaker 4: So I have to tell you another lie.

1785
01:35:50,280 --> 01:35:55,679
Speaker 5: I don't run the airlines, shoot the connective, I said, Yeah,

1786
01:35:55,840 --> 01:35:58,160
Speaker 5: I had my homeboy come with the shoot behind the

1787
01:35:58,200 --> 01:35:58,920
Speaker 5: scenes or whatever.

1788
01:35:59,439 --> 01:35:59,880
Speaker 4: I said.

1789
01:36:00,240 --> 01:36:02,640
Speaker 5: I don't know why that's it. This is she caught me.

1790
01:36:02,880 --> 01:36:05,920
Speaker 5: Why you go away Detroit to go to Florida. I

1791
01:36:05,920 --> 01:36:11,360
Speaker 5: don't know, but yeah, so that's what ended up happening.

1792
01:36:11,439 --> 01:36:13,519
Speaker 6: So I better get back home.

1793
01:36:15,080 --> 01:36:17,040
Speaker 5: It was such a it was such a beautiful moment.

1794
01:36:17,080 --> 01:36:19,760
Speaker 5: But again, here's the moment. What is this moment that

1795
01:36:19,800 --> 01:36:20,799
Speaker 5: we're leading up to, Ashley?

1796
01:36:21,240 --> 01:36:24,640
Speaker 2: This moment is all about you and your key to

1797
01:36:24,720 --> 01:36:28,400
Speaker 2: love that you want to leave with us before you leave.

1798
01:36:28,680 --> 01:36:30,440
Speaker 6: Okay, so reaching that box.

1799
01:36:33,760 --> 01:36:36,559
Speaker 5: And there's gonna be a pin and a key there.

1800
01:36:36,840 --> 01:36:38,519
Speaker 5: You can just go ahead and grab the whole box.

1801
01:36:38,720 --> 01:36:41,160
Speaker 5: You'll use that the right on top of it, and

1802
01:36:42,000 --> 01:36:44,800
Speaker 5: right on there a key that you would like to leave,

1803
01:36:44,840 --> 01:36:48,240
Speaker 5: a key to love and sign it with your name.

1804
01:36:48,880 --> 01:36:49,960
Speaker 4: What do you think about this episode?

1805
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:51,519
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, look, I think we have the same

1806
01:36:52,439 --> 01:36:53,000
Speaker 6: I didn't want to.

1807
01:36:53,040 --> 01:36:55,200
Speaker 5: I didn't want to say yeah, yeah, well not then

1808
01:36:55,200 --> 01:36:56,519
Speaker 5: I'm gonna cut them out and they ain't gave me

1809
01:36:56,560 --> 01:36:56,960
Speaker 5: no money.

1810
01:36:57,200 --> 01:36:59,840
Speaker 4: Shoot, you ain't did a brand deal with him.

1811
01:36:59,840 --> 01:37:05,120
Speaker 5: You have you, we're not going to say their name.

1812
01:37:05,479 --> 01:37:09,000
Speaker 5: Cut that out and gave me no money. Waitway would

1813
01:37:09,000 --> 01:37:09,920
Speaker 5: you think about this episode?

1814
01:37:10,640 --> 01:37:13,679
Speaker 6: I thought it was really good. I think that there's

1815
01:37:13,800 --> 01:37:15,240
Speaker 6: a lot of learnings.

1816
01:37:16,400 --> 01:37:20,400
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of growth, and I think

1817
01:37:21,720 --> 01:37:24,400
Speaker 2: that this is going to bless a lot of people

1818
01:37:24,920 --> 01:37:28,080
Speaker 2: who may be going through things, and a lot of times,

1819
01:37:28,080 --> 01:37:32,920
Speaker 2: like you said, people go through them privately, not publicly.

1820
01:37:33,360 --> 01:37:37,840
Speaker 2: So I think her public testimony will bless people, maybe

1821
01:37:37,880 --> 01:37:39,880
Speaker 2: many of them who are dealing with things privately.

1822
01:37:40,520 --> 01:37:45,639
Speaker 5: M And again, I thank her for for the bravery

1823
01:37:45,840 --> 01:37:49,559
Speaker 5: sitting on this Sitting on this podcast is no easy

1824
01:37:49,840 --> 01:37:54,200
Speaker 5: feat because you expose yourself. And it's good that I

1825
01:37:54,240 --> 01:37:55,960
Speaker 5: didn't know what I was walking into. I didn't know

1826
01:37:55,960 --> 01:37:59,200
Speaker 5: what her background was, and so I'm always sensitive to

1827
01:37:59,320 --> 01:38:04,240
Speaker 5: exposing somebody while their wounds are still open to public opinion,

1828
01:38:04,720 --> 01:38:09,120
Speaker 5: especially knowing that I hadn't tracked what the negative commentary

1829
01:38:09,360 --> 01:38:12,839
Speaker 5: was outside of what I saw on her page or whatnot.

1830
01:38:13,160 --> 01:38:17,400
Speaker 5: But I didn't know how viral it had become until

1831
01:38:17,479 --> 01:38:20,000
Speaker 5: she started sharing video like oh yeah, this is somebody said

1832
01:38:20,000 --> 01:38:21,519
Speaker 5: and they said this on here in Twitter, and I

1833
01:38:21,560 --> 01:38:23,760
Speaker 5: was like I don't even check on Twitter, but to

1834
01:38:23,880 --> 01:38:28,599
Speaker 5: even though read it and then we'll have you.

1835
01:38:29,000 --> 01:38:29,880
Speaker 3: Oh, I did not know.

1836
01:38:30,280 --> 01:38:32,599
Speaker 4: People always forget that it was wrong.

1837
01:38:32,680 --> 01:38:33,080
Speaker 1: This was wrong.

1838
01:38:33,160 --> 01:38:33,920
Speaker 4: Right there, you'll listen.

1839
01:38:34,520 --> 01:38:39,240
Speaker 5: But yeah, so just to know that she was transparent

1840
01:38:39,240 --> 01:38:43,920
Speaker 5: and vulnerable to actually share that speaks volumes.

1841
01:38:46,040 --> 01:38:54,920
Speaker 1: Okay, So I put the microphone close to your myth, police.

1842
01:38:54,360 --> 01:38:57,440
Speaker 3: I put that the key to love is loving fearlessly.

1843
01:38:58,200 --> 01:38:59,720
Speaker 4: Why do you say that I.

1844
01:38:59,760 --> 01:39:06,920
Speaker 1: Feel even though it didn't work out, I know that

1845
01:39:08,000 --> 01:39:16,479
Speaker 1: I loved truly and really hard, and I think I'm

1846
01:39:16,520 --> 01:39:21,560
Speaker 1: not afraid to love, and that's what makes me hopeful

1847
01:39:21,640 --> 01:39:26,600
Speaker 1: for you know, my next chapter. And still with marriage,

1848
01:39:26,720 --> 01:39:34,759
Speaker 1: I know, Yeah, I loved fearlessly and I'm not afraid.

1849
01:39:34,760 --> 01:39:38,000
Speaker 1: I'm still not afraid. I'm not jaded, I'm not afraid.

1850
01:39:38,040 --> 01:39:42,200
Speaker 1: It doesn't make me look at love differently.

1851
01:39:44,160 --> 01:39:48,000
Speaker 4: That's good. Go ahead, hanging on that empty hook up.

1852
01:39:48,040 --> 01:39:48,240
Speaker 1: There.

1853
01:39:48,880 --> 01:39:52,360
Speaker 4: May the love you share today outlived the season.

1854
01:39:52,000 --> 01:39:55,759
Speaker 2: You're in, may carry you through the days when words

1855
01:39:55,800 --> 01:39:58,280
Speaker 2: are few and faith has to do the talking.

1856
01:39:58,640 --> 01:40:01,240
Speaker 4: Y'all give it up for my homie, now your desireless of.

1857
01:40:01,200 --> 01:40:01,960
Speaker 3: The week sail, Oh.

1858
01:40:03,600 --> 01:40:08,679
Speaker 5: Ladarian rusted suddenly into Child Protective Services in twenty fifteen,

1859
01:40:09,320 --> 01:40:13,960
Speaker 5: my nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

1860
01:40:14,000 --> 01:40:19,320
Speaker 5: outside of kinship slim to none? Rmione, sixteen years old,

1861
01:40:19,560 --> 01:40:23,120
Speaker 5: black a boy with five years in the Falster care

1862
01:40:23,200 --> 01:40:26,640
Speaker 5: system before I even knew his name. The likelihood have

1863
01:40:26,680 --> 01:40:27,680
Speaker 5: ever been adopted?

1864
01:40:28,560 --> 01:40:31,000
Speaker 4: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

1865
01:40:32,520 --> 01:40:35,519
Speaker 5: While Laderian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely

1866
01:40:35,560 --> 01:40:39,040
Speaker 5: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system, I

1867
01:40:39,120 --> 01:40:42,439
Speaker 5: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been

1868
01:40:42,479 --> 01:40:44,679
Speaker 5: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1869
01:40:44,720 --> 01:40:47,120
Speaker 5: was doing well in college. It was my time to

1870
01:40:47,120 --> 01:40:53,720
Speaker 5: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

1871
01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:58,000
Speaker 5: There are just two many of our black children stuck

1872
01:40:58,280 --> 01:41:01,800
Speaker 5: in ambiguity and in the of the Falster care system.

1873
01:41:02,280 --> 01:41:05,400
Speaker 5: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

1874
01:41:06,040 --> 01:41:08,519
Speaker 4: Fast forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to

1875
01:41:08,560 --> 01:41:09,160
Speaker 4: this other.

1876
01:41:09,000 --> 01:41:11,639
Speaker 5: Young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt

1877
01:41:11,640 --> 01:41:15,120
Speaker 5: them also on Ile Babe, Starting over with parenting should

1878
01:41:15,160 --> 01:41:16,080
Speaker 5: have been enough.

1879
01:41:16,160 --> 01:41:16,320
Speaker 4: Right.

1880
01:41:16,360 --> 01:41:19,120
Speaker 5: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

1881
01:41:19,160 --> 01:41:22,280
Speaker 5: bring awareness to the countless young Black Kings and the

1882
01:41:22,280 --> 01:41:26,799
Speaker 5: Falster care system should have decreased my agitation. Right, Joining

1883
01:41:26,800 --> 01:41:29,760
Speaker 5: the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization

1884
01:41:29,840 --> 01:41:33,040
Speaker 5: that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false

1885
01:41:33,160 --> 01:41:37,400
Speaker 5: care should have led to some type of resolve. Right, No,

1886
01:41:37,439 --> 01:41:40,360
Speaker 5: not at all. None of it felt like I had

1887
01:41:40,439 --> 01:41:45,000
Speaker 5: done enough. I now realized that every one of those

1888
01:41:45,080 --> 01:41:48,920
Speaker 5: experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

1889
01:41:49,840 --> 01:41:53,920
Speaker 5: Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of

1890
01:41:53,920 --> 01:41:57,320
Speaker 5: the art home for foster boys. Our first location will

1891
01:41:57,360 --> 01:42:00,000
Speaker 5: be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize

1892
01:42:00,120 --> 01:42:04,040
Speaker 5: the whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to

1893
01:42:04,080 --> 01:42:08,120
Speaker 5: advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and

1894
01:42:08,280 --> 01:42:13,479
Speaker 5: limitless options that they thought were impossible. Though the young

1895
01:42:13,560 --> 01:42:15,800
Speaker 5: Kings will attend the local public schools that are in

1896
01:42:16,080 --> 01:42:19,679
Speaker 5: proximity to King of Royale, our at home curriculum will

1897
01:42:19,720 --> 01:42:23,400
Speaker 5: broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending various

1898
01:42:23,400 --> 01:42:28,200
Speaker 5: cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about

1899
01:42:28,240 --> 01:42:32,400
Speaker 5: current events and even relevant historical contexts. Introducing them to

1900
01:42:32,479 --> 01:42:36,320
Speaker 5: gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals on

1901
01:42:36,360 --> 01:42:40,160
Speaker 5: our form and on site stables. We just launched our

1902
01:42:40,280 --> 01:42:43,400
Speaker 5: startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two point

1903
01:42:43,400 --> 01:42:44,120
Speaker 5: eight million dollars.

1904
01:42:44,160 --> 01:42:45,639
Speaker 4: Now why two point eight million dollars.

1905
01:42:46,439 --> 01:42:48,800
Speaker 5: Well, In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in

1906
01:42:48,800 --> 01:42:52,080
Speaker 5: which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the

1907
01:42:52,120 --> 01:42:55,240
Speaker 5: homeless community. One of the most notable successes was that

1908
01:42:55,280 --> 01:43:00,759
Speaker 5: one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

1909
01:43:01,120 --> 01:43:03,320
Speaker 5: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

1910
01:43:03,360 --> 01:43:06,720
Speaker 5: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

1911
01:43:06,760 --> 01:43:11,000
Speaker 5: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with

1912
01:43:11,080 --> 01:43:14,639
Speaker 5: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

1913
01:43:14,680 --> 01:43:15,840
Speaker 4: I knew if at.

1914
01:43:15,720 --> 01:43:19,160
Speaker 5: That time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,

1915
01:43:19,640 --> 01:43:22,799
Speaker 5: we would have raised at least two point eight million

1916
01:43:22,880 --> 01:43:25,720
Speaker 5: dollars that could have really established long term support for

1917
01:43:25,800 --> 01:43:29,040
Speaker 5: the homeless community, or at least started a long term

1918
01:43:29,040 --> 01:43:33,639
Speaker 5: initiative to do so. This is my do over, this

1919
01:43:33,840 --> 01:43:37,320
Speaker 5: is our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at

1920
01:43:37,320 --> 01:43:41,519
Speaker 5: the root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys who

1921
01:43:41,640 --> 01:43:46,160
Speaker 5: are already disproportionately represented in the American FOSSi care system.

1922
01:43:46,680 --> 01:43:49,879
Speaker 5: I'm a TerraSAR Wickfield. I've been nominated for three Regional

1923
01:43:49,920 --> 01:43:52,840
Speaker 5: Emmys documenting my work with the homeless as well as

1924
01:43:52,880 --> 01:43:57,759
Speaker 5: my personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades, the greatest award

1925
01:43:57,800 --> 01:44:03,639
Speaker 5: for me is truly providing infrastructure for a transformed life.

1926
01:44:03,880 --> 01:44:07,240
Speaker 5: Visit Kingdom Royal dot com for more details, Crown a

1927
01:44:07,320 --> 01:44:17,880
Speaker 5: king and make a donation today. I hope you enjoyed

1928
01:44:17,960 --> 01:44:21,400
Speaker 5: this episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit,

1929
01:44:21,880 --> 01:44:25,759
Speaker 5: live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving.

1930
01:44:26,200 --> 01:44:28,519
Speaker 4: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and

1931
01:44:28,560 --> 01:44:29,200
Speaker 4: YouTube channel.

1932
01:44:29,400 --> 01:44:32,920
Speaker 5: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

1933
01:44:33,160 --> 01:44:36,000
Speaker 4: You welcome your support. Simply share our podcast with your

1934
01:44:36,000 --> 01:44:36,719
Speaker 4: friends and family.