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Speaker 1: He just led with that clarity. I never had to

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Speaker 1: wonder where I was with him. I feel like it

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Speaker 1: takes women's heart out of fight or flight when men

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Speaker 1: do that.

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Speaker 2: Say that one more time.

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Speaker 1: It takes women's heart out of fight or flight when

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Speaker 1: you can leave with clarity.

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Speaker 3: You were praying for my son long before he became

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Speaker 3: your husband.

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Speaker 1: We can pray for our future children. Why can't we

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Speaker 1: pray for our future husband. Oh that's just idle, that's

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Speaker 1: like name it and claim it. No, I think it

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Speaker 1: is partnering and faith.

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Speaker 2: You are the host of Dear Future Husband. How did

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Speaker 2: that idea come about?

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Speaker 1: I saw your podcast and I thought I can just

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Speaker 1: copy and paste them. It was a sweet little incident.

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Speaker 1: I was praying for my future husband, you were praying

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Speaker 1: for your future wifey, And from that was birth this

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Speaker 1: podcast of and how do we do that?

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Speaker 2: Well?

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Speaker 1: I was used to which so many singles do today,

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Speaker 1: is I find a relationship? And then I say, okay, God,

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Speaker 1: can you bless this?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: Rather than I need you to put blinders on my

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Speaker 1: eyes because in this digital age there are so many options.

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Speaker 1: And then I got to this point of Lord, I

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Speaker 1: want you to guide me through this like I'm blind,

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Speaker 1: and so I started soaking in information, walking through this healing.

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Speaker 1: And then I got this brown leather Bible on Amazon,

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Speaker 1: because of course a guy would like brown leather. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that my husband will love this. One day, I'd have

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Speaker 1: my quiet time first, just pray with the Lord, and

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Speaker 1: then after that I just start praying for my future husband,

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Speaker 1: writing him letters, highlighting scripture, which turned from like sweet

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Speaker 1: prayers to really interceding for him. And when we got married,

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Speaker 1: he would look at that gift I gave him on

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Speaker 1: our wedding day and sometimes see that month you were

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Speaker 1: interceding for that. Let me tell you what I was

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Speaker 1: going through during that time. You don't know that. In

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Speaker 1: the time, you don't know what you're interceding for, so

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Speaker 1: you can feel crazy. I'm sure you did. Writing letters

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Speaker 1: like dear so and so that I just pray is

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Speaker 1: out there, but it's powerful.

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Speaker 4: Did you have superficial stuff on your list when you

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Speaker 4: look back at it?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Do I hate that? My husbands sixty two and

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Speaker 1: handsome and Italian.

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Speaker 2: No, let's get to.

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Speaker 4: How did the relationship blossom to the point of will

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Speaker 4: you marry me?

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Speaker 2: What happened?

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Speaker 4: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

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Speaker 4: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

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Speaker 4: this day, the day I got married.

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Speaker 2: November twenty second, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 3: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 3: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 3: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 4: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 4: and the reward of my pursuit of love.

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Speaker 2: You are the award, the.

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Speaker 4: Honor God placed before me, the recognition of growth, healing,

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Speaker 4: and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 3: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 3: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 2: This isn't just story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 2: I'm the Terra Sar Whitfield.

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Speaker 3: I'm Ashley are Webfield.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Theater podcast.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to Different to Wifey Podcast. I'm your host, La

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Speaker 4: Terra Sar Whitfield. Listen, are you still shacking up with us?

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Speaker 2: Come on?

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Speaker 4: If you're still shacking up with us, can we get

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Speaker 4: a commitment? Hit that subscription button and subscribe. Make sure

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Speaker 4: you're telling your notification bells you'll be notified about upcoming episodes. Hey,

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Speaker 4: here's another episode without my lovely wife Ashley. She will

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Speaker 4: be back at the time that we're recording this is

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Speaker 4: on February the twelfth. She'll be coming back to Dallas.

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Speaker 4: I'm the thirteenth to do an event with me for

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Speaker 4: Valentine's Day as well as spend Valentine's Day together, our

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Speaker 4: first Valentine's together.

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Speaker 2: So looking forward to that. But listen, I noticed in

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Speaker 2: the analytics that.

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Speaker 4: So many of y'all watch the podcast, but still it's

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Speaker 4: about forty seven percent that haven't subscribed.

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Speaker 2: What is the problem? Y'all got commitment issues? Now?

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Speaker 4: How are y'all believing God for your future partners but

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Speaker 4: you can't and commit to a podcast that's free? Come on,

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Speaker 4: come on, go ahead, hit that subscription button. Subscribe doesn't

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Speaker 4: cost you anything.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 4: I've been really looking forward to having this conversation with

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Speaker 4: this woman of God. Matter of fact, we'll unpack it

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Speaker 4: as we begin to talk, and you'll know our commonality

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Speaker 4: in our brands that we have. So without further ado,

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Speaker 4: welcome to Dear Future Wifey podcast my hombie Christian Bevie.

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Speaker 4: She's in the building what's going on, Chrisha Ye? Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 4: so listen. I did your podcast in December where you

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Speaker 4: out the Blue called Ashley to come on.

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Speaker 2: To the set. She was like, what in the world.

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Speaker 2: So you were the first person to have ever in

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Speaker 2: viewed Ashley.

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Speaker 1: So I love it. I'm so grateful.

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Speaker 2: That's a fun fact.

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Speaker 1: It's sweet. Since she's not here today, we just got

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Speaker 1: to preemptively do that on our show.

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Speaker 4: See Saturday works, Say it works. You are the host

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Speaker 4: of Dear Future Husband. How did that idea come about?

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Speaker 1: I saw your podcast and I thought I can just

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Speaker 1: copy and paste them. That's what your followers thought, and

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Speaker 1: I love that. You know, you're talking about the people

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Speaker 1: that haven't committed, but the ones that have committed to

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Speaker 1: your show, they're loyal, they're faithful. No, it's it was

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Speaker 1: a sweet little incident where there's just you know, this

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Speaker 1: heart posture we both have of Hey, I was praying

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Speaker 1: for my future husband. You were praying for your future wifey,

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Speaker 1: And from that was birth this podcast of man, how

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Speaker 1: do we do that?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 1: How do we do that with intention? And there's so

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Speaker 1: much that we hear of like just be content, single us,

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Speaker 1: just be content. I'm like, what does that mean? How

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Speaker 1: do you be content? Do you sit at home and

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Speaker 1: you're just fine and you're like, I'm good, I'm good,

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Speaker 1: or can you actively pray into that desire? And that

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Speaker 1: was just a journey that I took, and it became

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Speaker 1: a podcast, and now it became two books, and hopefully

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Speaker 1: now it becomes some rest because we've been grinding hard.

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Speaker 1: You know what that's like?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, but that's kind.

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Speaker 1: Of how it all came to be.

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Speaker 2: I wanted your husband on the podcast today. Where is he.

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Speaker 1: He's got home with the kiddos. He actually has like

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Speaker 1: one hundred degree fever. He's been holding down the floor degree.

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Speaker 1: There's like the spiritual tack around even getting to be here.

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Speaker 1: So I'm glad just to be with you to speak

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Speaker 1: on this topic because I mean, it's so real. I

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Speaker 1: woke up on launch day helping take care of my

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Speaker 1: my sweet husband. It wasn't just yay books out, let's

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Speaker 1: go celebrate. It was there's a book on marriage, and

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Speaker 1: I get to actively step in the marriage this morning.

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Speaker 4: What a gift Lon's day was?

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Speaker 2: When for your book?

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Speaker 1: What it was two days ago?

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Speaker 2: Two days ago? What was the day?

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Speaker 1: Was it the tenth the tenth.

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Speaker 4: It was the tenth as available on Amazon everywhere that

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Speaker 4: you purchased books, all retailers. And then I asked you,

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Speaker 4: which is interesting. I said, well, where's your book? I

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Speaker 4: need to I need to prop up your book. Hold

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Speaker 4: your book?

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Speaker 2: And what did you say?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So launch day happens. We had an amazing Gallantine's event

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Speaker 1: that night to celebrate the singles and everyone. But I

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Speaker 1: get home at ten sick, husbands in my bed, My

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Speaker 1: toddler's in bed with him there asleep. My suitcase is

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Speaker 1: in there, and so I thought I'll just pack in

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Speaker 1: the morning the twenty minutes before I go to the

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Speaker 1: airport at five am, and I remembered my clothes and

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Speaker 1: my makeup, but I forgot my book. So it's on Amazon.

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Speaker 1: You'll go check it out.

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Speaker 4: People don't understand this life that we live, especially with

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Speaker 4: writing a book. Again, congratulations for being an author. Uh,

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Speaker 4: this is your second book.

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Speaker 1: This is my second and third solo book.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so you did two of them. You did a

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Speaker 4: companion book, Yeah, you did. You did two of them.

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Speaker 2: The other book is is it a work book with

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Speaker 2: the book of the journal, a.

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Speaker 1: Prayer journal, Yeah, prayer journal, promp scripture, space to write letters,

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Speaker 1: space to write your vowels, and that's the goal ist

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Speaker 1: to give that to your husband on your wedding day

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Speaker 1: as a gift.

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Speaker 2: Tell them the name of the book.

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Speaker 1: It's called the Dear Future Husband Prayer Journal, Yes, and

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Speaker 1: the other book.

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Speaker 2: So it's two of them, right, the Prayer Journal and

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Speaker 2: then the other one is what.

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Speaker 1: It's called Future Husband Present Prayers. And that's really a

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Speaker 1: why you can pray, how to pray, and what to

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Speaker 1: pray for your future spouse.

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Speaker 4: So let's go back. Let's go back to seven years ago. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: seven years ago, you were twenty three years old, correct,

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Speaker 4: and that's when you got married. But when did you

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Speaker 4: start dating your husband?

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Speaker 1: We met, started dating, got engaged, and married all the

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Speaker 1: same year. Okay, so within seven months and.

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Speaker 4: That was eighteen so okay, seven months y'all met, got

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Speaker 4: engaged and married all within seven months.

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Speaker 2: Okay. How did that come to be?

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Speaker 1: That came through a lot of preparatory prayer? That came

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Speaker 1: from this girl wanting to be in a relationship for

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Speaker 1: so long, wanting to be loved and not handling that well,

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Speaker 1: not knowing what to do with that desire. Thinking, okay,

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Speaker 1: this is how the world dates. I'll try that out.

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Speaker 1: That didn't work. This is how to date in the church,

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Speaker 1: which is like, here's as much advice to go on

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Speaker 1: sometimes and I'm like, I feel like I'm missing part

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Speaker 1: of the equation here. And then I got to this

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Speaker 1: point of Lord, I want you to guide me through this,

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Speaker 1: like I'm blind, Like, let's go back from the get go.

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Speaker 1: I need to be with me every step I was

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Speaker 1: used to, which so many singles do today, is I

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Speaker 1: find a relationship. And then I say, okay, God, can

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Speaker 1: you bless this yes, rather than I need you to

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Speaker 1: put blinders on my eyes, because in this digital age,

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Speaker 1: there are so many options, there are so many ways

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Speaker 1: to get romantically involved, to fall head over your heels.

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Speaker 1: And so I just said, Lord, until this next person

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Speaker 1: is my future husband, I cannot date them because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to mess up my heart their heart. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to waste this precious time. And so when

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Speaker 1: I met my husband, I threw my phone in the

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Speaker 1: back of my car. I said, Lord, I was out

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Speaker 1: a red light. I wasn't driving. Don't you can't pull

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Speaker 1: me up anymore. It's been years, And I said, Lord,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to mess this up. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to go down this road again if it's not what

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Speaker 1: you lead. And some people were like that's legalistic, like

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Speaker 1: you can't test God like that. I was just like,

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Speaker 1: I trust you way more than I trust myself in

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Speaker 1: this area. And so I met him how to read Well.

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Speaker 1: We technically met on Instagram. I had met this friend

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Speaker 1: that I started praying for her future husband. She started

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Speaker 1: praying for mine. We started writing letters. That's about when

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Speaker 1: I started my home praying for my future husband journey,

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Speaker 1: and we were encouraging each other. It was great. Same

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Speaker 1: season back in Alabama. And then she gets into cosmetology

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Speaker 1: school and she leaves me. I was like, you can't

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Speaker 1: leave me, like you were my friend, you were my confidant,

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Speaker 1: Like what are you doing? But she has a friend

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Speaker 1: that I met randomly when I was visiting her and

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Speaker 1: she said, I'm applying for this church internship and it's

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Speaker 1: so great, and I was like, that sounds like something

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Speaker 1: I'd like to be doing. But here I am graduate college,

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Speaker 1: go back home to the same job I was doing

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Speaker 1: before college. This feels like two steps back, lord. But

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Speaker 1: I was like, that's great, wonderful. She comes to visit

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Speaker 1: me randomly one day or she comes to the town

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Speaker 1: I lived in, asked me to hang out. We hang out,

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Speaker 1: she takes a picture. My husband was at that ministry

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Speaker 1: she was applying for. He's tasked with like the background

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Speaker 1: checks on social media, and he sees this photo she

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Speaker 1: took with me, which, by the way, ladies, that photo.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh I look terrible, Please don't post it.

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Speaker 1: She's like, just be confident.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So the next time you're like, I'm not gonna post

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Speaker 1: a picture because I don't look good, do it? You

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Speaker 1: might meet your husband absolutely, And so he sees that photo.

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Speaker 1: He reaches out later and then he goes extreme gentleman mode.

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Speaker 1: He said, I'd like your phone number. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to text you, I don't want to DM you. I

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Speaker 1: just want to call you and set up a date.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, oh, I want to call you

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Speaker 4: and set up a date.

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Speaker 5: Yes.

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Speaker 2: He automatically came out the.

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Speaker 1: Gate like, yes, he knew that he wanted to be married.

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Speaker 1: He didn't want to just date around. Dating was a

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Speaker 1: means to an end, not something to entertain. And so

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Speaker 1: that clarity that gentleman is I was like, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: can work with this, and then apparently I grilled him

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Speaker 1: on our first date we met, and he loved it.

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Speaker 1: He was like, yes, this woman has a vision. We

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Speaker 1: met the first the parents on the first date.

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Speaker 4: What holo, hold on? This is going extremely fast. I

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Speaker 4: thought the seven months was fast, but the first date

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Speaker 4: was fast. Yeah, we don't forget the first date. The

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Speaker 4: first interaction was fast. He streight up said, forget all

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Speaker 4: the pleasantries. I want to go on a date with you.

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Speaker 2: Period.

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Speaker 1: Well yeah, He's just like, I don't want to get

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Speaker 1: your number. I want to ask you on a date.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be in your area this time.

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Speaker 2: Let's do it.

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Speaker 1: He's like, I don't want to do the Hey, how

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Speaker 1: you're doing tell me about yourself on text? Because what really,

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Speaker 1: what are you gaining from that?

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Speaker 2: You don't understan like we are around the same age.

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Speaker 1: Yeah we were.

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Speaker 4: So he was twenty three years old approaching you with

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Speaker 4: intentionality like that? M okay, So then how did you

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Speaker 4: end up meeting his parents on the first date.

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Speaker 1: So my mom drove me to our day area and

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Speaker 1: she just gets all of the car before she met him.

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Speaker 1: Before I met him, she hopped all the car. She's

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's her personality. And and then we go

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Speaker 1: on our date. We go the first stop, we get

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Speaker 1: out of the car, turn the corner to this cute

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Speaker 1: little like Farmer's marketplace on the beach, and then his

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Speaker 1: parents come out and they're like, hey, what are the

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Speaker 1: odds to this day. We dispute if that was intentional

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Speaker 1: or a coincidence. I think it was like subconscious or something.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like shaking his mom's hand. Who if you

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Speaker 1: don't know her, She's like the legendary woman in the faith.

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Speaker 1: And I didn't know his dad at the time. I

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Speaker 1: knew who his mom was, and I'm just shaking her hand,

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like I should apologize already. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I don't make the mark because I just met

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Speaker 1: this man and I'm meeting his family. But it was

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Speaker 1: so sweet and John and Lisa Pevere they're authors, preachers,

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Speaker 1: or they're.

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Speaker 4: Giants in the ministry, what it is, they are legendary

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Speaker 4: in the ministry. And you had no idea of who

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Speaker 4: his parents were.

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Speaker 1: I had seen one sermon from his mom. She posted

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Speaker 1: a video and she said that God does not love

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Speaker 1: his children equally, he loves them uniquely. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this woman's telling the truth. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that's heresy, Like what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: Because I've got some stuff in my closet? Does he

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Speaker 1: love me less? But that's really the only thing I'd seen.

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Speaker 1: Probably that's why I was intimidated to be like, I

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Speaker 1: hope I make the mark for what you want and

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Speaker 1: your husband or your son to date. But so yeah,

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Speaker 1: there was there was nothing slow or casual. It was

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Speaker 1: but it was fun.

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Speaker 2: But they let y'all go out on y'all little date

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Speaker 2: and they just hung in the back.

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Speaker 4: And then after that moment, was it something you said

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Speaker 4: you were grilling him, acting like you were an attorney?

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Speaker 4: So what questions that you asked on that first date

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Speaker 4: that you said he liked but you realized that was

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Speaker 4: what interrogating?

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Speaker 2: What were you doing?

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Speaker 1: Well, you know he wouldn't say that way, And I'm

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Speaker 1: glad And that's not my mo. Like my MO before

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Speaker 1: was like tell me you like me, like fall in

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Speaker 1: love with me? What do you want me to be?

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Speaker 1: But at this point in time, I was like what

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Speaker 1: am I? Who am I getting involved with? Like what

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Speaker 1: are your intentions? And so we look, we had fun,

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Speaker 1: We hung out and talked for hours, So there was

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Speaker 1: just natural progression, not how many kids do you want?

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Speaker 1: Where are you going to live? And when you're going

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Speaker 1: to propose to me? It was tell me the visions

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Speaker 1: that are on your heart, Like what does the Lord

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Speaker 1: place his dreams inside of you?

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Speaker 4: Well, you said that at twenty three years old, Yes,

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Speaker 4: I did. You said, tell me the visions that the

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Speaker 4: Lord has placed inside your heart?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: And you know what's crazy. There were some that were

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Speaker 1: so specific that he had given both of us where

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Speaker 1: I had never even talked about those with anyone else,

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Speaker 1: and I had never heard anyone talk about those. And

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Speaker 1: it was just these like God winks of something special

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Speaker 1: within this person in this connection.

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Speaker 4: Just that stuff that gives me emotional because when you

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Speaker 4: think about the omniscience of God, that's where he shows

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Speaker 4: up best. And if you surrender your love life to him,

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Speaker 4: he can show it through confirmations, just like he did

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Speaker 4: on the first date. So I never looked at it

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Speaker 4: as even though I'm using the framing of it like

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Speaker 4: it happened, but seven months that's not by worldly standards.

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Speaker 2: That may be fast, but God does.

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Speaker 4: Suddenly, you know what I'm saying, And we told God

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Speaker 4: I wanted healing, and it took him seven months to

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Speaker 4: heal us we'll say it took a long time. We

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Speaker 4: want it suddenly. And so I love how the first

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Speaker 4: date is going. It's interesting that you met the parents

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Speaker 4: and all that, the first encounter and the sense of

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Speaker 4: unworthiness that you felt at the very beginning, but then

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Speaker 4: you pressed along. You didn't self sabotage, which is powerful,

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Speaker 4: and so that in those in that first date, the

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Speaker 4: questions that you were asking, what made you decide to

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Speaker 4: operate differently? You said before you would operate with do

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Speaker 4: you love me? Do you want to marry me? Do

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Speaker 4: you want to do this? And you're kind of vying

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Speaker 4: for their affection like this, this time you reversed it

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Speaker 4: and said, no, it's not like you're he has to

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Speaker 4: present himself as being worthy of you.

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Speaker 2: But you're saying, let me know what I'm getting into.

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Speaker 2: I have a I have a decision to make as well.

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Speaker 4: It's not that I have to persuade you to be

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Speaker 4: with me that at this time, I gotta see what

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Speaker 4: I'm getting involved into. What happened in the past that

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Speaker 4: caused you to change your mindset?

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Speaker 1: And it Yeah, I learned how to actually guard my

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Speaker 1: heart because the Lord went before that time period and

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Speaker 1: healed my heart. There was so much within I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know twenty three is young, but there's so much

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Speaker 1: within high school nowadays, in those like pre adolescent times

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Speaker 1: where we are letting our hearts go out a whim

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Speaker 1: that we are awakening love before the due time. And

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Speaker 1: so there's like a box full of things you have

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Speaker 1: to untether, whether you've never kissed someone or you have

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Speaker 1: basically been husband and wife with someone you weren't committed to. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: there's just this nature of we start to take this

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Speaker 1: precious desire that I believe is innate, it is God given,

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Speaker 1: because marriage is this beautiful institution, but we begin depositing

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Speaker 1: parts of our heart and all these other situationships, relationships,

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Speaker 1: even just the idolization of marriage, watching rom coms like

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Speaker 1: you Can give your Heart to all these pieces. And

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Speaker 1: my time of prayer started with the Lord healing things

400
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Speaker 1: within me, showing me why other relationships didn't work out,

401
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Speaker 1: showing me things i'd carried from people that had hurt

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Speaker 1: me and from people that I had heard, and so

403
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Speaker 1: there was this ownership and awareness and this more awe

404
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Speaker 1: and sacredness around relationships that I began to slowly uncover

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Speaker 1: rather than this huge need. I knew there was a

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Speaker 1: need and that didn't go anywhere, but there was a

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Speaker 1: awakening and understanding to why that need was important because

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Speaker 1: marriage is a beautiful institution.

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Speaker 4: What was that process like, though? Did you have anybody

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Speaker 4: coaching you? Was it just you going to church reading

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Speaker 4: your word? Where you picking up reading materials that you

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Speaker 4: join the purity? What was going on before pinky promises

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Speaker 4: and all that stuff?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 2: What did that look like for you?

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Speaker 1: The Holy Spirit in YouTube coached me a lot. Honestly.

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Speaker 1: I remember watching Michael Todd's thing on like singleness and dating.

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Speaker 1: I remember watching like Priscilla Shire just I wanted to

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Speaker 1: almost covet anything I could because, like I said, I

420
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Speaker 1: graduated college, I had friends getting their dream careers. I

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Speaker 1: had friends that were getting married. And here I am

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Speaker 1: going back to Lower Alabama, where I thought I've seen

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Speaker 1: the dating pool. I've either dated all of them, where

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Speaker 1: my friends have dated them, there's nothing left.

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Speaker 2: What was the city in Alabama?

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Speaker 1: It's called a mobile Alabama mobile.

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Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, I'm done shows a mobile? Oh fine, yeah

428
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Speaker 4: the plays out there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's great, not necessarily a great place for dating

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Speaker 1: at that time. Maybe it's better now, but they probably.

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Speaker 2: Put in the comments.

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Speaker 4: No, still the same girl, where'd you find your man?

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Speaker 1: Colorado?

434
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Speaker 2: Colorado?

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Speaker 1: He found me, Actually he found me. But I had

436
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Speaker 1: all this time available to me. I had, you know,

437
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Speaker 1: I'd work all day and then go home at night

438
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Speaker 1: and go to the gym. You know, I do these

439
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,760
Speaker 1: things where I had time to invest in in podcasts,

440
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Speaker 1: I had time to sit and reflect. I had time

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Speaker 1: just to soak up the word. And let me be clear,

442
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 1: I came from a great college before then, in a

443
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 1: great college ministry and internship, but I was so used

444
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,399
Speaker 1: to performative by nature. I'm a firstborn daughter. I'm a

445
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:12,119
Speaker 1: high achiever, and so I think sometimes I was soaking in,

446
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 1: but I wasn't really reflecting and letting some of the

447
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,479
Speaker 1: things the Holy Spirit was saying be things that were

448
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 1: actually taught within me, you know, Student of Love. I

449
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 1: wasn't actually taking the test. I was just regurgitating the information.

450
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 1: And so I had this time of let it soak in.

451
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,720
Speaker 1: I had this friend that was my accountability partner that

452
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 1: I said, but then she moves, and I'm like, well,

453
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,159
Speaker 1: I've had something great with us but now I just

454
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,280
Speaker 1: have me. I have this time to sit, and so

455
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: I started soaking in information, walking through this healing. And

456
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 1: then I got this brown leather Bible on Amazon, because

457
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: of course a guy would like brown leather, So my

458
00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 1: husband will love this. One day and I start praying

459
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,320
Speaker 1: for him. I know I would have my quiet time first,

460
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 1: I would have my Bible, just pray with the Lord,

461
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: and then after that, I'd just start praying for my

462
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 1: future husband him letters, highlighting scripture, which turned from like

463
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: sweet prayers to really interceding for him. And when we

464
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,440
Speaker 1: got married, he would look at that gift I gave

465
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,440
Speaker 1: him on our wedding day and sometimes see that month

466
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: you were interceding for that. Let me tell you what

467
00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,280
Speaker 1: I was going through during that time. And you don't know.

468
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:20,200
Speaker 1: You don't know that in the time, you don't know

469
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,840
Speaker 1: what you're interceding for, so you can feel crazy. I'm

470
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 1: sure you did, writing letters like dear so and so

471
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,920
Speaker 1: that I just pray is out there, but it's powerful.

472
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 2: Who in that process? What did it look like?

473
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,560
Speaker 4: Did you ever grow weary and you're well doing you

474
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 4: know you're praying for your future husband. Was you continue

475
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 4: you're still dating around that time, were you still experiencing heartbreak?

476
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 2: Like what did that look like in that process?

477
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 4: And how long would that process last from you surrendering

478
00:21:51,800 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 4: everything the god to the day that you met him?

479
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 2: What was that process? How long was that?

480
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think it's really powerful to not break it

481
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 1: down as like this len your formula, because too much

482
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 1: in our relationships we do that and we either start

483
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 1: to compare our stories to someone else and we feel

484
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 1: like something was stolen from us. If we're following the

485
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: steps and someone does it shorter, we're like, hey, wait, wait,

486
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 1: this is like a diarist and the Woman of the

487
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: Blood situation, like I was her first use my Jesus.

488
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: That's great for you. We love that for you, but wait,

489
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 1: in line, it's not formulaic. And there was times where

490
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 1: I was going in feeling strong and then i'd you know,

491
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: i'd get discouraged, I'd get disheartened, and then I'd be like, okay,

492
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 1: we have to pull ourselves back up. And so it

493
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,920
Speaker 1: wasn't just like this uphill like I'm feeling great, I'm

494
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 1: doing well. There was dips. There was high moments. I

495
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:43,640
Speaker 1: will say there was there was like one week where

496
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 1: I finally was getting asked out and it was like

497
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 1: two people at the same time, and I was like, yes,

498
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 1: the options are coming in. I was like, okay, Lord,

499
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 1: if none of these are from you, then just take

500
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,440
Speaker 1: it away, thinking Okay, one's going to get out of

501
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: the way and the other one's going to be like

502
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,880
Speaker 1: here I am, maybe am yours? And no they both

503
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 1: ghosted me. The very next day. I was like, shoot,

504
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: that prayer worked a little too. My feelings are hurt.

505
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: Prayer is powerful, but man, I don't I.

506
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 2: Need to do over on that one.

507
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, like slowly ripped the band aid off they which

508
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,359
Speaker 1: is good, which was such a good thing. But then

509
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: there was other times where I was like, Okay, I'm

510
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,040
Speaker 1: getting a little weary of this. And one night I

511
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: was praying, like Lord, have I is there someone out

512
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 1: there that I haven't met yet? Like is that even

513
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 1: a real possibility? And I went to sleep that night

514
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 1: had a dream where I'm walking out into this area

515
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 1: of somewhere I'd never been this like fieldy place, and

516
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,680
Speaker 1: then I see these this group of people in the

517
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,959
Speaker 1: distance and they're clapping and cheering, and I'm walking towards them,

518
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,120
Speaker 1: wondering what's going on and I realize I'm holding hands

519
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,800
Speaker 1: with someone and I look up and it's this man

520
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 1: with wavy hair, this great smile, and he says, this

521
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 1: is our engagement party. I was like okay, like amazing,

522
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 1: and he puts on his glasses and then I wake

523
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 1: up and I think that's somewhere I've never been and

524
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 1: it's someone I've never met, and it's my engagement party.

525
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 1: So I'm guessing that's my husband. And so little things

526
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,640
Speaker 1: like that, I feel like we're encouragements along the way.

527
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 1: And let me tell you on our second date, we're

528
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 1: doing long distance. Since we're doing like a little FaceTime

529
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,880
Speaker 1: movie night, he's in the care package. It was real cute,

530
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: but then halfway through he said, hold on, I have

531
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 1: to put my glasses on. And as soon as he

532
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 1: came into frame it hit me, which was such a

533
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 1: kind thing from the Lord because coming from being that

534
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:38,480
Speaker 1: hopeless romantic before, I could have easily gone to the

535
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 1: next guy I saw. The next day, we're in glasses

536
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,960
Speaker 1: and be like, it's you. You're my husband. But I

537
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: think when we have that expectation and hope in partnership

538
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,400
Speaker 1: with prayer, he will guide us in guarding our heart

539
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: in a way. It's like, I'm not going to let

540
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 1: you get over excited, but I'm still going to do

541
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 1: those sweet little thing yeah along the way.

542
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,840
Speaker 2: What did you say to him when he did?

543
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 5: Oh?

544
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: I didn't say it. I didn't tell him about it

545
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 1: until much later, but in my heart, I was like,

546
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: it's you.

547
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:06,639
Speaker 4: It's you.

548
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: But on our first day, when my mom she was there,

549
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 1: she picked me back up. We get in the car

550
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 1: and she said, I think you met your future husband.

551
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 2: Your mom said that on the first day. Did she

552
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 2: say why she thought that?

553
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 4: She?

554
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 1: I mean, she just really liked him. I think she

555
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 1: saw gold in him, which is so comforting. I think

556
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 1: you do need to have your people involved, whether you're

557
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: you're younger and it's your parents. I mean, hopefully if

558
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 1: you're older, it's still your family, because family is such

559
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: a gift. But like, have people in that evaluation process

560
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 1: with you. It brings so much clarity. It's not in

561
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 1: your own life.

562
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: Have you always been like that? You involved your mom?

563
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 4: No? Are you kidding?

564
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:46,959
Speaker 1: In high school, it's like you don't know what you're

565
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: talking about. He loves me, He's the best she knew

566
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 1: she always do. Shout out to Sonya.

567
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 2: Has he was.

568
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 4: He like that when he dated, I always had his

569
00:25:58,119 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 4: parents involved.

570
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 1: He didn't much real yeah, well I mean he would,

571
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,439
Speaker 1: but he just I mean, everyone has like their their spells,

572
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 1: especially when you're like eighteen years old. But he was

573
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 1: really good about being like the whole you know, when

574
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: you know, you know. Yes, he would assert his knowing

575
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: so much quicker.

576
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 2: He had a cutoff game he did, which.

577
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,680
Speaker 1: Like, I'm thankful because I'm like, okay, yay, I don't

578
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 1: have a lot of old girlfriends to deal with. But

579
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: he would go on a date and if it wasn't,

580
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 1: you know, necessarily going down the right path, he would

581
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 1: call that girl later and say, hey, thanks so much

582
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 1: for your time. He would leave with clarity. He wouldn't ghost. Hey,

583
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 1: well he would lovingly, but wouldn't you rather somebody say

584
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: I believe in that, you know, like a job application,

585
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming in the terrace. I

586
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: don't see this as a role, but I really appreciate you.

587
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 1: Rather than did I get the job or not? No

588
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: one's calling me back. I don't know what to do.

589
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 2: I totally agree with that.

590
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 4: I talk about that and Student of Love give people

591
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 4: clarity because people be holding on to love that they

592
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 4: think is blossoming, and you have no intentions with that person,

593
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 4: and you have to treat people and care for each

594
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 4: other's hearts well instead of just like you said, having

595
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 4: somebody like.

596
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:12,760
Speaker 2: Well, he loves me, he loves me, not he loves me,

597
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 2: he loves me.

598
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,479
Speaker 4: That's what I grew up on, where you're pulling pedals

599
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,800
Speaker 4: from flowers doing that. And at the end of the day,

600
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 4: I love how your husband operated. We're saying, hey, listen,

601
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,440
Speaker 4: it was a great interview you had looking at other

602
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 4: candidates at the time. My wife, Christian is on the way.

603
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 1: Look, I don't know how I got elevated to the

604
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: second round of interviewsing other people didn't. I'm still am

605
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 1: shocked he sees as much of me as he does,

606
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:41,639
Speaker 1: but I'm so grateful for.

607
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 4: So let me let's get to how did the relationship

608
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 4: blossom to the point of will you marry me?

609
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 2: What happened?

610
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 4: Is y'all going on dates? You meet the family? Yeah, like,

611
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,520
Speaker 4: what conversation started happening? Did he say, hey, listen, I

612
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 4: really see you as my wife and I'm not way

613
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 4: a long time this is what is going to be?

614
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 2: Or how did that happen.

615
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, he really ascertained the idea that he said, I

616
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 1: date to Mary. I'm not saying I have to marry

617
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,880
Speaker 1: you tomorrow if I enjoined dating. But I don't want

618
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: to do this just to have fun with you. I

619
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 1: want to have fun with you, but I wanted to

620
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: lead to something intentional. And that was like music to

621
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 1: my ears. Where have you been on my life? And

622
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: can you do a masterclass to all my friend's boyfriends?

623
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 1: And he just led with that clarity. I never had

624
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: to wonder where I was with him. That's good, which,

625
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: like I feel like it takes women's heart out of

626
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,359
Speaker 1: fight or flight when men do that.

627
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 2: Say that one more time. It takes women's It.

628
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: Takes women's hearts out of fight or flight when you

629
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 1: can leave with clarity.

630
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 4: So you were able to just rest. You were able

631
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 4: to just submit. And a lot of times we hear

632
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 4: so much the rhetoric of women submit, submit, submit, but

633
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 4: we don't realize is that what you just said can

634
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,480
Speaker 4: cause a woman to submit before she ever becomes your wife,

635
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 4: because she can rest in you. That's what submission is

636
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 4: to say, hey, listen, I ain't holding up weapons to

637
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 4: try to fight you back.

638
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 2: I'm just here.

639
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 4: And so that's what I love about what you said,

640
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 4: is that the fight or flight you say, hold on,

641
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 4: I can just I can just rest and be led.

642
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 4: And like I said, that was refreshing because you never

643
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 4: experienced that before.

644
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: Right, And I'm chasing if you try to figure things out.

645
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 1: I feel like when we hear submission that you either think, Okay,

646
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna PLoP down here and sit on my

647
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: knees and like wait on you to look at me,

648
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 1: or it's I'm chasing after you. But I think submission

649
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: is a man that says like I'm gonna hold up

650
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: my hand, this is what I'm presenting. Let's walk together

651
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,040
Speaker 1: and let me like, let me guard you, let me

652
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: lead you, let me, you know, do all these things.

653
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: That is my mantle and my gift to get to

654
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 1: do to you. And I think that for men watching,

655
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,479
Speaker 1: that allows her to operate in a nature where it's

656
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: going to be loving to you, it's going to be

657
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 1: free to or she's gonna be happy, she's gonna be joyful.

658
00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 2: And so how did the proposal go?

659
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 4: Oh?

660
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 1: I love their proposal. I'm pretty sure we had an

661
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: angel encounter at our proposal because you know it was

662
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 1: the same place that we met and got engaged or no, well,

663
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: of course it was the same place we met, and

664
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,880
Speaker 1: so we're going on this date. He and asked his parents, like,

665
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: where's a good restaurant to go to. We go to

666
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: the first one and they had like this really cute

667
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: this is in Colorado. This is in Florida, Florida, okay

668
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 1: m hm. And they had like this really cool pool

669
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: in the middle. But then these kids come when they

670
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: start slashing with floaties and he's like, this is not

671
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 1: this is not the vibe. Like that's great, this is

672
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: not the vibe for a proposal. And so we go

673
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 1: to this other area and we go in this restaurant.

674
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 1: He's like, hey, can we have like a table for two?

675
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: And they said, sorry, we don't have anything left. And

676
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: so he's walking out and I'm just thinking, okay, where

677
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: we're gonna go, But his mind he's like, I gotta

678
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: get the restaurant, like we're on a deadline here, and

679
00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 1: so in his mind he's like, praying, Lord, do we

680
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 1: where do we go? We walk out of this door

681
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: and this woman comes out of nowhere be lines to us,

682
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,320
Speaker 1: and she said, hey, y'all look so cute. Y'all should

683
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: go to this restaurant, one we'd never heard of, and

684
00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 1: we just think, okay, like look at each other, do

685
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: you want to try that? She's gone, like she's just

686
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: just gone after that, so we're like, okay, like let's

687
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 1: try that out. We go to this restaurant and it's

688
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 1: like this elevator thing. It kind of feels like a

689
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: VIP club. And we walk up to this elevator and

690
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: we say, hey, do you happen to have any availability

691
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: for two? She's like, I don't know, like let me

692
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: check searches through ask someone else, and she said, yeah,

693
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 1: we have two, like one small table left. Go to

694
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: this elevator. It's this rooftop overlook restaurant. So we're seeing

695
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 1: all of Florida and we have this great location, have dinner,

696
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 1: and then he takes me to this sweet little area.

697
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: My mom is there, my best friend, my sister, and

698
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:56,200
Speaker 1: he blindfolds me and walks me out and then just

699
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 1: gets on his knees. I was so nervous. I don't

700
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 1: even remember what he said. You probably relate, I don't know,

701
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 1: you just got you just had a proposal, But yeah,

702
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 1: I shake the blindfold off, and it's a beautiful area.

703
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 1: We propose, he proposes, and it's just the easiest yes ever.

704
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 1: And that exact spot is actually where we got married

705
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: just a few months after that.

706
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 4: It was the easiest yes ever. And that exact spot

707
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:23,680
Speaker 4: was where we got married.

708
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 2: You know, we shared so much in common.

709
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 4: The same place that I met my wife was the

710
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 4: place that I proposed to her, and the same place

711
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 4: that I got married, Yes, Cali Worship Center. And so

712
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 4: I just love, I just love how God just des stuff.

713
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 4: That's why I said, we're not we don't own the originality,

714
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 4: so to speak. That I used to hear there's nothing

715
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 4: new under the sun, and that's what I'm talking about.

716
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,560
Speaker 4: It's like those moments of intentionality, That's what That's what

717
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 4: I love. My heart just leaps when I hear stuff

718
00:32:57,440 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 4: like that. What made you decide to get married at

719
00:32:59,600 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 4: the same.

720
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: Well, one it was gorgeous, but two I'm just such

721
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: a sentimental person too. I'm like, oh, this is the spot.

722
00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 1: And we also named the spot is called Alice al

723
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: Ys and now our daughter's middle name is Alice. So

724
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,959
Speaker 1: we're just continuing to get that worship center. You're going

725
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 1: to dedicate your future children there exactly.

726
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 4: You know what in the Bible, when God did something miraculous,

727
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 4: they would build an altar in that place. And so

728
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 4: that's how I looked at it for our wedding, is

729
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:35,480
Speaker 4: that that altar we're building a Literally we're at the

730
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 4: altar taking vals, and that's a place of remembrance.

731
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,479
Speaker 2: And so God would tell Moses build an altar right here.

732
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 4: So you know that I did it, and you can

733
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 4: look back at this altar and say, if God did

734
00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 4: it before, he'll do it again. And so I love

735
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,640
Speaker 4: you said, Alice, you named your child out how many

736
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 4: kids y'all have?

737
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: We two?

738
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 2: You have two kids, both girls, a boy girl.

739
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 1: What if a boy and a girl. And that boy

740
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: is the sweetest thing at that Valentine's event, he was

741
00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: holding out. No one told him to do this. He

742
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 1: grabs flowers, goes to the entrance and starts welcoming the

743
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: women in with flowers. No one told him to do that.

744
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: He's three years old. And I'm just like you, sweet

745
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: angel child. It's just the sweetest thing. But I also

746
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 1: love what you said about like creating an alter out

747
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: of the special things the Lord does, because on the

748
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: days or the seasons where marriage is hard, which is

749
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 1: just every single couple goes through that.

750
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

751
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: Godsman's Institute does research, and he said, even happy couples

752
00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,719
Speaker 1: have conflict, even they go through tough times. And so

753
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 1: the days that that happens, I remember, the Lord knit

754
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,000
Speaker 1: us together so incredibly strategically.

755
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 2: I don't have to.

756
00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 1: Worry, Oh no, did I marry the wrong person? Like

757
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: is this all going downhill? We have those like Bethtful

758
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: type alter moments, but look what the Lord did. Surely

759
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 1: he didn't just start messing it up along the way.

760
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 4: And that's why we have to submit our thinking to

761
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 4: the wisdom of God, because we can get in our

762
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 4: own feelings, our own emotion and say just what you say, like,

763
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:00,799
Speaker 4: oh I heard the wrong person.

764
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:01,520
Speaker 2: I messed this up.

765
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,600
Speaker 4: And God said, like, children of Israel, do you not

766
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 4: realize you were in the wilderness, remember when you were single, Like,

767
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 4: let's go back to them single seasons, when you were

768
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 4: waiting on this person in your life.

769
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 2: Now I give it to you.

770
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 4: Now you go through some little hard time, you go, well,

771
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,360
Speaker 4: I want to go back to send me back to Egypt.

772
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:21,800
Speaker 4: He said, this is your promise. Land understand rest in

773
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 4: it is not going to be perfect. Jesus' life wasn't

774
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 4: even perfect. So how there a perfect human being that

775
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 4: could literally come to earth, did not live a perfect life,

776
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 4: didn't even come into this earth perfect. So it's like,

777
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 4: and I'm not talking about his DNA, but I'm talking

778
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:38,919
Speaker 4: about them born in a manger, you know what I'm saying.

779
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 4: That's not the ideal situation to be the perfect situation

780
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,719
Speaker 4: to give birth in, you know, or be born in.

781
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,400
Speaker 4: And he went through trials, he went through tribulation, and

782
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 4: then we go through some little trouble times in our

783
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,919
Speaker 4: relationship like I don't want to be here.

784
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,760
Speaker 2: No more to say right, and guys like oh.

785
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:01,279
Speaker 4: Ye, little Faith, how long do I have to be

786
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 4: with How long must like terry with you? The reality

787
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 4: is that you got to go back to those moments.

788
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 4: In the last episode, I said that, even as we

789
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 4: struggle in our Christian walk, go back to that secret place,

790
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,000
Speaker 4: Go back to that place where you know you encountered God.

791
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,800
Speaker 4: You said something so powerful where you said that we

792
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:24,480
Speaker 4: believe that an angel was present in our proposal.

793
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 1: Why I just think that the Lord does delight in

794
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: this desire for marriage and I know some people think, well,

795
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,360
Speaker 1: you know, it says in Genesis it's better, it's not

796
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 1: good for a man to be alone. And then Paul's like,

797
00:36:39,080 --> 00:36:41,760
Speaker 1: you should be single? Which one is it? Yeah, both

798
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,440
Speaker 1: of those. And when we break it down, I think

799
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:47,440
Speaker 1: it's in Matthew fifteen where he's addressing his disciples and

800
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 1: he's saying, it's not so much which one, it's that

801
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,800
Speaker 1: you make an active choice in whichever route to do

802
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: that for kingdom intent that part. And I think a

803
00:36:57,600 --> 00:36:59,360
Speaker 1: lot of people that are single today are doing that

804
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 1: not by choice, but honestly by complaint. And I say

805
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,479
Speaker 1: that with love and say, well, there's no good guys

806
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 1: out here, so I'm just going to be single. That

807
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 1: is not saying Lord, this is my arena and I

808
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:11,359
Speaker 1: step into it to honor you as saying, well, here

809
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 1: I am. I'm gonna complain about this area. And you know,

810
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: it shocked me so much as I was reading in Jeremiah,

811
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 1: and honestly, poor Jeremiah. I mean, he's sitting here lamenting

812
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: for this nation that's so lost, so backwards, and he's saying, Lord, like,

813
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,879
Speaker 1: will you heal them? Will you heal them? The Lord says, wait,

814
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: I want to do something different, and then he just

815
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 1: says one little complaint of like, well, why am I

816
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:35,720
Speaker 1: even here? And the Lord says, you need to stop repent,

817
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,360
Speaker 1: and if you do, I will restore you to my

818
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 1: mouth peace. We are image bearers of Christ. So how

819
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 1: we show up in singleness and marriage and relationships. The

820
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 1: Bible is saying, it doesn't matter if it's hard out there,

821
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter if other people are not doing it well.

822
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: I need you to do it well without complaint, but

823
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,560
Speaker 1: to glorify me because I can work on that. I

824
00:37:58,640 --> 00:37:59,759
Speaker 1: can bless that.

825
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 4: That's good.

826
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 2: That's so good, That's so good. I was talking to somebody.

827
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 4: At my book signing last week in New York, and

828
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 4: I asked, because I don't ever want to assume everybody

829
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 4: wants to get married. And so when I was writing

830
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 4: an autograph in the book and I said, do you

831
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 4: want to be married? And they said, if it's the

832
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 4: right person. I said, why, who says I want to

833
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:22,360
Speaker 4: be married to the wrong person? Like, why do you

834
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 4: preference it like that I want to be married to

835
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,640
Speaker 4: the right person. I said, why don't you just say

836
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 4: I want to be married?

837
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 2: Just let that be what it is.

838
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,360
Speaker 4: God knows you're the heart is to marry the right person.

839
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 4: You don't have to have an addendum to what you're saying.

840
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 4: And Okay, you're right, I said, because what made you

841
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 4: say that? And then they said, well, because I always

842
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 4: think about how bad it would be being married to

843
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,239
Speaker 4: the wrong person. I said, now you're leading with fear,

844
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:46,279
Speaker 4: saying that I want to be married to the right

845
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 4: person and not realizing the purity of your heart is marriage.

846
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 4: Or you're also saying I don't want to be married

847
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 4: unless it's with the right person, which we all know

848
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 4: that that's what be without saying you know, shouldn't you

849
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 4: shouldn't have to say that you want to be married

850
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 4: to the right person. But I said, just change your

851
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 4: language just to say I want to be married and

852
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 4: just let it. That's enough, Just that is enough. And

853
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 4: there's like, yeah, I never thought of it like that.

854
00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:12,799
Speaker 4: And I said, just lead with that. And I said,

855
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 4: because so often in these dayton streets, these social media streets,

856
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 4: we keep hearing marriage be so negative. So how did

857
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 4: you keep your heart settled and not becoming bitter or

858
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:31,319
Speaker 4: jaded or cynical around marriage? Yeah, when you watch bad

859
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 4: relationships happen with you and your friends. What made you

860
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:35,959
Speaker 4: not say I'm just about to be a career woman

861
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 4: because you said you're a high achiever, then that can

862
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 4: make you say I'm going to be achieving and the

863
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 4: thing that the things I have control over. So I'm

864
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 4: gonna focus on that from a career standpoint and forget relationships.

865
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you hit the nail on the head

866
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,719
Speaker 1: there that you know, how we think about it is

867
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 1: how we're going to lead out. And even when you

868
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 1: mentioned something else self sabotageing earlier, we can do that

869
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 1: so much in relationships, either for telling ourselves there's no

870
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,880
Speaker 1: good options, there's no point in waiting. Every relationship is

871
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 1: just going to break my heart. That's going to be

872
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:10,120
Speaker 1: our thought going into those. And you know, death and

873
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:12,439
Speaker 1: life is in the power of the tongue. It's also

874
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,960
Speaker 1: in our brain patterns, like what the box you create

875
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 1: for your life you're going to live in. And so

876
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that it should just be easy to

877
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 1: be single. I'm not saying that dating is easy. It's

878
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: actually quite hard. But I do believe that with prayer

879
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:32,440
Speaker 1: and wisdom it can be more simplistic and during that

880
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: time of not trying to be dated, not trying to

881
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,359
Speaker 1: just pretend I didn't have this desire there and put

882
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 1: all that effort into a career or something else. I

883
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: just knew that desire wasn't going anywhere no matter what

884
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: I tried, and so I thought, well, why not fully

885
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,920
Speaker 1: put that into put it at the Lord's feet, Like

886
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:52,760
Speaker 1: what do you want to do with this? And Hebrews

887
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:54,920
Speaker 1: eleven talks about faith and it says faith is the

888
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: assurance of things not yet seen. It's this hope of

889
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: It makes no sense that I should want to get

890
00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:05,240
Speaker 1: married because I'm seeing friends get heartbroken. I'm seeing married couples,

891
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 1: you know, to resolve all these things. But I have

892
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 1: a hope that's not contingent on reality or practicality. It's

893
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 1: on something that I can't put a finger on. And

894
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: that's childlike faith. That doesn't mean it's easy. That's not

895
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,720
Speaker 1: me and Lataire saying like, oh, just get it together.

896
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 1: People's desire. It's saying, you know, everything with these books

897
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 1: is there is so much I can say that is

898
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:30,600
Speaker 1: realistic and is this is the problem with dating. But

899
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: that's not that's not my mission. My mission is to

900
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:36,600
Speaker 1: have outlandish hope and to give that to people because

901
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 1: I have a relationship that I do not deserve. I

902
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 1: have the Lord giving me wisdom and dreams and things

903
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 1: that were not just because I prayed. It was out

904
00:41:44,719 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 1: of his kindness. And that's what I want to say

905
00:41:46,760 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: to everyone, is that's real, that's possible.

906
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 4: Outlandish hope. I like that outlandish hope that you have

907
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 4: a list while you were dating, that you have a

908
00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 4: list Stone, No, I lead you in that. What was

909
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,439
Speaker 4: on your list? Or did you have a list?

910
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:06,439
Speaker 1: I did have a list?

911
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 2: Okay.

912
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 1: I just funny that Michael Todd thing I was going through.

913
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 1: He's like, throw out your list.

914
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 2: I was like, but I like, like I worked, What

915
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:16,840
Speaker 2: if I just like.

916
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 1: Study my list?

917
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 4: You know, like.

918
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,359
Speaker 1: I you know, no, no discredit to him, but I think,

919
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 1: you know, there's so much in the church that is

920
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,879
Speaker 1: like good advice. And to be fair, there was such

921
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 1: a swing in like the sixties and seventies with you know,

922
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: the sexual revolution and all these things that really started

923
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 1: to sway what courting looked like, what marriage looked like.

924
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:38,880
Speaker 1: And so I think there was like this response to

925
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 1: dating culture rather than keeping with church culture and advice.

926
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 1: I mean, we see that Isaac's wife, Abraham sent a

927
00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: messenger and he said, go to a woman that is

928
00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 1: of good faith, good family. She's going to be servant hearted. Like,

929
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,040
Speaker 1: so there was this list there. Maybe it's not written

930
00:42:57,120 --> 00:43:01,399
Speaker 1: down on this paper or still like look for this woman. Yeah,

931
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: but even that messenger was praying, Lord, when I get there,

932
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,600
Speaker 1: will this be this woman that serves not just me

933
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,280
Speaker 1: but me and my camel? And so she's servant hearted.

934
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 1: I'm believing she's beautiful, she's gracious. There are characteristics that

935
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:17,320
Speaker 1: we should be looking for, because without a vision, people perish.

936
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: If you just go into dating, like, I don't know,

937
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 1: just some guy somewhere, I'll date him. What really, what

938
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: journey is there in that you're kind of just sitting

939
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: here waiting for anything. And so I say, you know,

940
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 1: have a list, make it descriptive, but maybe not make

941
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: it definite, like let the Lord highlight things, speak into things,

942
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 1: pray them to him. And maybe you're praying and you think, oh,

943
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 1: I want a guy that's artsy and fun and adventurous,

944
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,840
Speaker 1: and the Lord starts teaching you things about yourself and

945
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 1: he said, actually, a good partner to you would be

946
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: a little bit more stoic and loyal and you know

947
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: so things. So I think pray into those, let the

948
00:43:56,640 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 1: Lord speak into them. But surely anything that's scripts based,

949
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,520
Speaker 1: anything that's a biblical character.

950
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 4: Did you have superficial stuff on your list when.

951
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 2: You look back at it?

952
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

953
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,320
Speaker 1: Do I hate that my husband sixty two, un handsome

954
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: and Italian?

955
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 6: No?

956
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 2: I do not. I do not not.

957
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 1: My thank you Jesus. I had that dream and I

958
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 1: was like, I can receive that vision.

959
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 2: I can receive that Jesus says six to Oh God.

960
00:44:28,360 --> 00:44:32,400
Speaker 4: What do you say to friends and or listeners of

961
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:35,919
Speaker 4: your podcast if they are stuck in just the physical part?

962
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think there's the verse of we

963
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: we know in part and we prophesy in part. I

964
00:44:41,560 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 1: think whatever you have a vision for knowing that, like

965
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 1: this is my own caliber of strength, and there has

966
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 1: to be the supernatural emphasis on it. So if you

967
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 1: even if you had a great list and you think

968
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 1: that's the end all be all, I'm like, well, would

969
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 1: you not want more, some more holy wisdom than just

970
00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:01,520
Speaker 1: your human wisdom? And so, especially if you are just

971
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: stuck on the physicals or even the career stuff, I

972
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:07,320
Speaker 1: think you know, there's the whole debate of like women

973
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 1: marry their father and people that have like father wounds.

974
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: My husband and my father are really alike. I thought, oh,

975
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,680
Speaker 1: I need to be with someone that's like me, like artsy,

976
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: and really, when I look at it, I thought I

977
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 1: needed to be with someone that had the other end

978
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: of things that I felt I lacked in. So I

979
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 1: wanted to be creative, but I thought, huh, I'm not

980
00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 1: really confident in that. I'm a little bit more insecure.

981
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 1: I don't want the public speak funny anything like that.

982
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: So if someone else is that same end of the stick,

983
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: then I'll be like a complete they will complete me.

984
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 1: My husband was handsome and all these things, but he

985
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: showed up in ten shoes at the beach and I

986
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:50,479
Speaker 1: love him, so I can say this, like ten shoes

987
00:45:50,520 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 1: at the beach and like not necessarily fashioning, and you

988
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 1: know some of these things where I thought, okay, not

989
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 1: necessarily the package I had in mind, But the heart

990
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 1: is still there. There's things where it's like he grew

991
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: a confidence in me. I can help with his wardrobe,

992
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,800
Speaker 1: like little things like that where when we just stifle it,

993
00:46:08,880 --> 00:46:11,520
Speaker 1: which is so easy when everything is visual right now,

994
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:16,279
Speaker 1: online dating yes, everyone's presenting their highlight reels like there's

995
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,800
Speaker 1: a journey and there's a purpose in being together, like

996
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,680
Speaker 1: you're going to pull things out of each other. So

997
00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:24,439
Speaker 1: that person's not going to be the total package, because

998
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 1: they're going to be working for that. Your whole marriage

999
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: into that.

1000
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 4: When I say thank you for saying that, I think

1001
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 4: you said some people free, because that's what I get

1002
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 4: so sick and tired of. And the people that I've

1003
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 4: had on the podcast that have been married thirty forty

1004
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:39,799
Speaker 4: years or whatever, they all give a testimony about how

1005
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 4: that person was, and they always use the Some of

1006
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:45,120
Speaker 4: them use the exact example that you use about maybe

1007
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 4: from a fashion standpoint, they like that person don't even

1008
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 4: like clothes. Like my buddy Boche pab Boche Williams, he

1009
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 4: wasn't in the fashion well terror was, so as she

1010
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 4: was working with him as his marketing manager, she was like, hey,

1011
00:46:58,040 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 4: you need to look like this and look like that,

1012
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 4: and then falling in love while she was working with him,

1013
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:05,040
Speaker 4: and he every time you see him, he's gonna be

1014
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 4: bur buried down and Gucci down, and Louis this and

1015
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 4: Louis that, and they just she just elevated his appearance

1016
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 4: like that, which is so cool because at the end

1017
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 4: of the day, if you're looking for somebody to have.

1018
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 2: It all together, then why do they need you exactly?

1019
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: Why don't I don't recognize myself when I got married

1020
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 1: like that girl had some great stuff going. But he's

1021
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,800
Speaker 1: helped strengthen me and the Lord. I don't want to

1022
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,360
Speaker 1: say that your partner is just your your savior, but

1023
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 1: he's pulled things in out of me that he saw

1024
00:47:32,760 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: that I did it, and I'm so grateful for that.

1025
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: Name something, confidence, security, peace, that's striving, you know, has gone.

1026
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: He's grounded me in boldness and clarity in so many ways.

1027
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 1: And because he is stoic, he is like he could

1028
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,720
Speaker 1: be an incredible lawyer because he's just like this deep thinker,

1029
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: I mean, twenty three years old saying I want a

1030
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 1: date with marriage. He's a man of deep convictions and

1031
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:04,239
Speaker 1: he doesn't sway from that. And it's something that I

1032
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,400
Speaker 1: needed so much going from dating and hearing you know,

1033
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 1: I had my heart posture was to be with someone

1034
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 1: that honored the Lord with their purity, and I had

1035
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 1: friends telling me, you're gonna have to lower your standards.

1036
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 1: No guy does that and I believed them. And that's

1037
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: so sad because I you know, of course, I'm like, well,

1038
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,720
Speaker 1: the guys at my high school are the only example

1039
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,880
Speaker 1: of men out there, which is so so silly, But

1040
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:33,839
Speaker 1: but it's just, you know, you can hear so many

1041
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,560
Speaker 1: things out there you could get so discouraged. But I

1042
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: think it's really beautiful that there are for any woman listening,

1043
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:44,319
Speaker 1: there are men that chase after the Lord, and it's

1044
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,319
Speaker 1: going to be evident in how they lead and how

1045
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 1: they live their life. They're going to want to do

1046
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,960
Speaker 1: that for them. But then they'll also the women that

1047
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 1: do want to get married and not just entertain the

1048
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 1: idea because sadly, there are men in the church that

1049
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: are good men, but when it comes to relationships they

1050
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:02,799
Speaker 1: fall apart. I think I'm curious what you think. From

1051
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:05,000
Speaker 1: what I've seen through some other friends, relationships and women

1052
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: I've spoke to, I think that happens a lot when

1053
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 1: men don't have other men in their lives. They don't

1054
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 1: know how to be vulnerable, they don't know how to

1055
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 1: lean in with the accountability.

1056
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 4: You just answered the question that's the main thing is

1057
00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 4: what's not modeled for us? And I said this on

1058
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 4: stage at the Church of New York this past weekend.

1059
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:27,520
Speaker 4: But I talked about the fact that men we don't

1060
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 4: have that represented.

1061
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:30,760
Speaker 2: We are modeled.

1062
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 4: What we model is the toxic masculinity, which is what

1063
00:49:35,080 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 4: your friends was telling you about. You're not your standards

1064
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 4: are too high. You just need to find men are

1065
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 4: going to sleep with a lot of women. Accept that.

1066
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,719
Speaker 4: Why is because that's what we were taught. I'm taught

1067
00:49:45,719 --> 00:49:51,280
Speaker 4: about the early age. We're taught, hey, sow your royal oats.

1068
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:54,839
Speaker 4: Now why are we taught that? Like what to sow

1069
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:58,080
Speaker 4: your royal like to literally spread our seed around? Just

1070
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 4: go and sleep with as many women as p gospel

1071
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 4: And they said in the context of one day, you're

1072
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 4: going end up getting married if you decide, and you

1073
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 4: don't want to be missing out on all this other stuff.

1074
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 4: So go get all under your belt now so that

1075
00:50:12,160 --> 00:50:14,800
Speaker 4: you know and then think about what happens. This is

1076
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 4: what typically happens in the groom suite. Didn't happen to mind,

1077
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 4: because I had mighty men of valor around me. But

1078
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 4: they go, well, you're gonna get the old ball chain

1079
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:29,399
Speaker 4: or what I'm gonna walk down the aisle and that's

1080
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:31,759
Speaker 4: gonna leave me with I'm gonna have a ball and chain.

1081
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 2: No one ever looks forward to prison. No one looks

1082
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 2: forward to jail.

1083
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 4: And you're telling your homeboy that that's that's what he

1084
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 4: has to look forward to. And then they always back

1085
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 4: ended with, well, I guess if the guy single, well,

1086
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,560
Speaker 4: you left all these women to me. Now you know

1087
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 4: I got all of them.

1088
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 2: I hope you.

1089
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 4: I hope you good with just having the same old

1090
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,319
Speaker 4: vagina for the rest of your life. Like it's all

1091
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 4: negative because like what so then the guys sitting there like, dang,

1092
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 4: did I really get everything out? And you think that

1093
00:51:01,680 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 4: you can get it out, You think that you can

1094
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:07,800
Speaker 4: sleep with so many women that you could get tired

1095
00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 4: of sleeping with so many women instead of saying no,

1096
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:14,440
Speaker 4: it's in discipline that really mature is a man, not

1097
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 4: in just variety. And so the reality is that that's

1098
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 4: what's taught, and then we regurgitated over and over again,

1099
00:51:21,440 --> 00:51:23,879
Speaker 4: and then our young boys get taught the same thing,

1100
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 4: and so you grow up and be like, a man

1101
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 4: will be a man. And that's the that's the stuff

1102
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 4: that I want to eradicate, is that saying a man

1103
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:37,720
Speaker 4: will be a man and it's always compared to something negative.

1104
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 4: It's not like even when you if you were telling

1105
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 4: somebody right now, Yeah, my husband he led with intentionality,

1106
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 4: said I date for mayors and they say a man

1107
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 4: will be a man.

1108
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:48,800
Speaker 2: That you will never hear them say that.

1109
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 4: They'll say the negative stuff, they'll say that about but

1110
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,520
Speaker 4: I want to reframe that where they go, yeah, a

1111
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 4: man will be a man, to say that a man

1112
00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 4: will step up, go after what he desires, operate and honor,

1113
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 4: operated integrity, operate with clarity. Everything is say a man

1114
00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 4: will be a man. And so that's what I would

1115
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:09,879
Speaker 4: rather hear. And so yeah, it just hasn't been.

1116
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:12,800
Speaker 1: Modeled right because what is man like? What is that

1117
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 1: definition that the men are striving to because I think

1118
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,759
Speaker 1: men are so vision focused. I think that you guys

1119
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:22,360
Speaker 1: have this great caliber to have this like warrior mentality

1120
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 1: of like, oh I'm going to chase after that. But

1121
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: if that is being modeled as you know, this self focused. Look,

1122
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 1: the more that we devalue servanthood and family and focus,

1123
00:52:33,200 --> 00:52:36,280
Speaker 1: the more that we're going to have devalued relationships because

1124
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 1: the vision is just so skewed and it's not the

1125
00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 1: right heart posture and you know, we see young boys.

1126
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: I think the characteristic today is the average age is

1127
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 1: eleven years old, that they're introduced to pornography. Yes, and

1128
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,720
Speaker 1: so like there's like this infusion and almost like trying

1129
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 1: to throw this net. I think the enemy is doing

1130
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 1: of like men, this is the camp that you're in. Yes,

1131
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 1: and so I think we have to be vigilant as fathers,

1132
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: as mothers, as mentors to come alongside and say that's

1133
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,320
Speaker 1: not what God's best is for you as couples, like

1134
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,439
Speaker 1: you don't have to test drive the car. As women,

1135
00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 1: you don't have to prove your worth. Like look, it's

1136
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:13,919
Speaker 1: up to eighty five percent of couples that cohabitate before

1137
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,399
Speaker 1: they get married, they're more likely for divorce rather than

1138
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 1: the vision is how I'm working towards this great thing

1139
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 1: and it is worth it. It's not a ball and chain.

1140
00:53:23,640 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: It's a companion that's hunkered down with me. And statistics

1141
00:53:28,040 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 1: also show that men that are married have higher happiness.

1142
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:35,320
Speaker 1: Like why do we not say that stuff rather than oh, sorry, buddy,

1143
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 1: you have the game buddy here for you today, but

1144
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 1: gosh hate it for you?

1145
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:44,399
Speaker 4: Like why they say the statistics show that men earn

1146
00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 4: money earn more money while being married, live healthier lives.

1147
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:51,960
Speaker 4: The question is this to the God, that's the Christian

1148
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:57,240
Speaker 4: man that's honoring God. Why is it that most women

1149
00:53:57,680 --> 00:54:00,879
Speaker 4: in the church don't find him most attractive, the one

1150
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 4: that's honoring and he's a virgin. I've heard Christian women say,

1151
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 4: ain't no way, I'm a married a virgin guy. He

1152
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,680
Speaker 4: look at it as well, I need a man that's

1153
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 4: gonna They'll say this, I lead, I need my husband

1154
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:13,719
Speaker 4: at least know what he's doing, you know.

1155
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 2: And so it's like, what like and that said?

1156
00:54:17,760 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 4: And so now you hear these gods and er men

1157
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 4: they're they're they're virgins, and they literally says, I'm saving

1158
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:26,080
Speaker 4: myself from my marriage.

1159
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:30,040
Speaker 2: But he may not be cool enough for the Christian

1160
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 2: woman to want. Have you seen your homegirls or were

1161
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 2: you even like that back in the day.

1162
00:54:34,480 --> 00:54:37,800
Speaker 4: Didn't want that type of guy, thankfully not.

1163
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,759
Speaker 1: I mean I wanted that guy's attention. I wanted the

1164
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 1: cool guy's attention. But once I thought about it, I

1165
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:45,120
Speaker 1: don't really want to be with that pressure of the

1166
00:54:45,160 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 1: guy that thinks sex is performative. Yeah, I don't want

1167
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:50,319
Speaker 1: to be in that image because no woman can ever

1168
00:54:50,719 --> 00:54:54,439
Speaker 1: reach that pinnacle. No man can reach that pinnacle as well.

1169
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 1: But let me tell you if I can just dispel that, like,

1170
00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 1: because I do think women are hurt in their own

1171
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 1: version of a w you're saying about the men. Women

1172
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:03,719
Speaker 1: have that too, and you know, the romance novels, the

1173
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:07,840
Speaker 1: rom coms, everything that's more like palatable is heightened for

1174
00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: men and for women when it comes to relationships. But

1175
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 1: the times that I am so thankful that sex is

1176
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 1: not performative. I mean after having my children, when I'm like,

1177
00:55:18,760 --> 00:55:20,840
Speaker 1: whose body is this? How do I get it to

1178
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:24,920
Speaker 1: work again? The patience my husband has, the care that

1179
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:29,239
Speaker 1: comes into that intimate setting, the way that you know

1180
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,879
Speaker 1: it's more about connection, the amount of times we laugh

1181
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 1: in those settings. No one's seeing that on our rated

1182
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:40,840
Speaker 1: big screen. And because I'm like, you can't capture that

1183
00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:47,799
Speaker 1: in just this heightened like lusty scene. That is something

1184
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:52,040
Speaker 1: that comes from intimate connection, that is God given. I

1185
00:55:52,080 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 1: think people are playing husband and wife and dating right

1186
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: now and they don't have the grace that comes with

1187
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,320
Speaker 1: commitment and covenant, and that's why they're saying, well, we

1188
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:01,400
Speaker 1: dated for three years and then it just fell apart.

1189
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 1: So I'm glad I didn't get married to that person,

1190
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:08,839
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking we fell apart because you're not It's

1191
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:11,319
Speaker 1: not easy to navigate tough times together. It's not easy

1192
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,520
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable with someone. But you need that safety

1193
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:17,359
Speaker 1: and commitment almost like you know, a fireplace, Like there's

1194
00:56:17,400 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 1: something beautiful that can be kindled when it's in the

1195
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:21,399
Speaker 1: spot where it can actually grow.

1196
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 2: Hood.

1197
00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:27,680
Speaker 4: That was good, Good Lord, that was good. You said

1198
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 4: that your husband come into your life nurturing. How did

1199
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:37,320
Speaker 4: he nurture you to start walking in more boldness? You know?

1200
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:39,960
Speaker 1: I think what he did is he saw some of

1201
00:56:40,000 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: the drive that I already had, but I'm aware that

1202
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: there were insecurities and inadequacies of not fully developing, and

1203
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:51,839
Speaker 1: so he halted some of those desires. I think that's

1204
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,320
Speaker 1: especially important in like a ministry setting, is not just

1205
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 1: to let the creative drive kind of put the cart

1206
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 1: before the horse in a different way. Yeah, And so

1207
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 1: he he like helped me back in some areas and

1208
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 1: watched as I grow, and then he'd launched me forward.

1209
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: And he also saw his father do that to his mother,

1210
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 1: and so I think he had that great example, which

1211
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 1: again is so beneficial, Like legacy is a marriage because

1212
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,600
Speaker 1: we need to be taught by other people. But he

1213
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:18,960
Speaker 1: would launch me forward, he'd encourage me, he'd help me develop,

1214
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 1: and he just believes in me so so much more

1215
00:57:23,640 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 1: than just you know, like from a good job. He

1216
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 1: actually believes that I have something within me, which is

1217
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 1: not as easy to do. It's one thing to be like,

1218
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:33,360
Speaker 1: great job with Terrists on your show, it's another for

1219
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 1: Ashley to you know, call you up before and say, Hey,

1220
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: we're going to pray together. I'm gonna make sure you're

1221
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: grounded in faith, not just showing up, but showing up.

1222
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 4: Well, she's saying that because that's what actually did a

1223
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:45,880
Speaker 4: minute ago before we started recording. She was like, hey,

1224
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 4: because she knows we prayed before every episode, and I

1225
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 4: didn't even think about including her in it because you know,

1226
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 4: she's normally present here and I've been doing that before.

1227
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 4: I've always done this since day one day Future Wife,

1228
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 4: and so she was like, hey, are we going to pray?

1229
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 4: And I was like, well, which also sparked an idea

1230
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 4: that I said, one day, we may do an episode

1231
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 4: when she's sitting here on an iPad and we're interviewing

1232
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 4: the guests, which would be hilarious.

1233
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is so important.

1234
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 4: Did you feel any pressure married to someone whose parents

1235
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:18,880
Speaker 4: are who they are?

1236
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:24,480
Speaker 1: Probably a little bit in the beginning and then now

1237
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:27,160
Speaker 1: not at all. But what I love about them is

1238
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,880
Speaker 1: what you see is what you get. There is no

1239
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 1: honor off switch for them, and you know that's in

1240
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:36,960
Speaker 1: the good and the bad. They're intentional with how they

1241
00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: navigate conflict, but they don't shy away from it. That's good,

1242
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,160
Speaker 1: which I thought, for coming from the South, if you

1243
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 1: fought you were going to get a divorce, like it

1244
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,840
Speaker 1: was just inevitable. Like happy couples don't fight. And I've

1245
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:50,040
Speaker 1: seen them be passionate and Italian and you know, like

1246
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:53,120
Speaker 1: you did this to me and said he do it

1247
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:56,520
Speaker 1: to hip? What are you doing? They don't actually have

1248
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 1: the accent, but I it'd be funny if they did.

1249
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 1: They come together just as passionately and like they apologize intently.

1250
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:07,880
Speaker 1: Like I've just watched a lot from what they model.

1251
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 2: It's good that they don't hide that from y'all.

1252
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, they had some of the details out there,

1253
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 1: like name calling in front of someone else and putting

1254
00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 1: this narrative, but they don't just you know, brush under

1255
00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 1: the rug and put on a smiley, happy face like

1256
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:24,440
Speaker 1: we need a second, we'll be back, or you know,

1257
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:26,640
Speaker 1: which is so refreshing, Like you need to learn how

1258
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 1: to fight, you need to learn how to together.

1259
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 4: That's getting me emotional because that's what I believe that

1260
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 4: in the church, and healthy relationships don't show because you

1261
00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:40,400
Speaker 4: even said that, you said, I thought that if you

1262
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 4: got an argument, you're definitely getting a divorce. It's like,

1263
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:45,960
Speaker 4: where did we learn that from. It's because we were

1264
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 4: taught that. We were taught that everything had to be perfect.

1265
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 4: If God brought that person in your life, you should

1266
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:54,160
Speaker 4: have no conflict because God is just great and he

1267
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 4: knew what you needed and knew what they needed, and

1268
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 4: y'all gonna get together to live happily ever after. And

1269
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 4: not realizing that happily ever after comes with tension. It's

1270
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 4: the reality that we're going to have conflict, but we're

1271
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:08,240
Speaker 4: going to still have joy in the midst of chaos.

1272
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 4: And so that's what's so important. And I'm glad that

1273
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,520
Speaker 4: the Beviers allow you to see that, so you can

1274
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:16,440
Speaker 4: see how how many years have they been married?

1275
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 1: Oh goodness, I think four decades. I think they're ond

1276
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:20,640
Speaker 1: like forty forty five.

1277
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 4: Years, and to know that that's how you get to

1278
01:00:22,280 --> 01:00:24,960
Speaker 4: forty years. You know, that's how long you get to

1279
01:00:25,040 --> 01:00:28,200
Speaker 4: forty five? Is that through this tension? So that y'all

1280
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:31,360
Speaker 4: been married seven years? You go, oh, because the truth

1281
01:00:31,440 --> 01:00:34,080
Speaker 4: be told. Statistics show that that seven year itch is

1282
01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:36,400
Speaker 4: the greatest challenge you have to go through. Really, I

1283
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 4: did a hole ted talk about that during COVID, but

1284
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 4: they say studies showed that around the seven year mark,

1285
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 4: people say, I'm kind of bored. It's a movie that

1286
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 4: came out years ago called seven year Itch, and it's

1287
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:53,920
Speaker 4: like saying, well, it kind of wears off. The newness

1288
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,320
Speaker 4: of everything wears off, and you go try to seek

1289
01:00:56,400 --> 01:01:00,480
Speaker 4: something else, and I'm glad that in this season that

1290
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:03,440
Speaker 4: you're in your life. You're like, hey, listen, we understand

1291
01:01:03,600 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 4: that conflict will arise, disagreements will arise, whatever it is,

1292
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 4: but we have an example of four decades to show

1293
01:01:11,800 --> 01:01:14,920
Speaker 4: that they've experienced seven years and eight year in twenty year,

1294
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 4: in twenty two, and you have something to say, Hey, listen,

1295
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,680
Speaker 4: it's for Christ, I live, for Christ, I die, and

1296
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:23,280
Speaker 4: we're going to stand on this covenant that God allowed

1297
01:01:23,360 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 4: us to have and never forget that God is the

1298
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:27,160
Speaker 4: one who brought us together.

1299
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, those altered moments, those beth of moments.

1300
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 4: My question to you is this, Oh yeah, so then

1301
01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 4: how did Now we're at the part of how did

1302
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,160
Speaker 4: dear future wife he come about? And when did you start,

1303
01:01:39,200 --> 01:01:41,680
Speaker 4: I mean, dear future husband come about and made you

1304
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:44,400
Speaker 4: decide to start making a podcast? You were writing letters

1305
01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:49,640
Speaker 4: seven years ago, and what made you decide to say, hey,

1306
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 4: let's make it a podcast. Yeah.

1307
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:53,640
Speaker 1: So, I don't know what the prompt was, but We're

1308
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,960
Speaker 1: living in Colorado, probably a year married, and I did

1309
01:01:56,000 --> 01:01:59,480
Speaker 1: this like random video talking about how I started praying

1310
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 1: for my future husband. I had maybe a thousand followers

1311
01:02:02,760 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 1: on Instagram, like nothing big at all. We moved to

1312
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:08,480
Speaker 1: Nashville maybe a year or two later, and we go

1313
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:11,479
Speaker 1: to this conference and we're just there in the back.

1314
01:02:11,680 --> 01:02:13,440
Speaker 1: I have my two month old with me, so I'm

1315
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 1: just kind of like floating in and out, and this

1316
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 1: group of girls come and flood me and they're like, hey,

1317
01:02:19,800 --> 01:02:22,000
Speaker 1: we saw your video, like we're going to start praying

1318
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:25,440
Speaker 1: for her our future husbands. And these are affluential, like

1319
01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:28,200
Speaker 1: godly women. They had they had followings, they had influence

1320
01:02:28,240 --> 01:02:30,040
Speaker 1: like they had mentors. And first of all, I'm like,

1321
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 1: how did you see that video? How did you remember it?

1322
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:39,240
Speaker 1: But wow, no, I don't even know how many views

1323
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 1: it as now, but it was nothing crazy. I was

1324
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 1: really shocked by it. But then that showed me, hey,

1325
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 1: maybe this is for other people than just me. And

1326
01:02:47,680 --> 01:02:50,040
Speaker 1: I just feel like this was such a gift again

1327
01:02:50,080 --> 01:02:51,800
Speaker 1: that I did not deserve and I not do the

1328
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:55,840
Speaker 1: perfect thing, but that model really became a transformational tool.

1329
01:02:55,960 --> 01:02:59,320
Speaker 1: That Bible that I had was almost like this tangible

1330
01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:02,320
Speaker 1: hope that I to carry. Yeah, And so I thought, well,

1331
01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:04,400
Speaker 1: let me just start talking on it. I'll do a podcast.

1332
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:06,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to call it your Future Husband, because I

1333
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 1: don't want to call Christian Mavie podcast. No one's going

1334
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:10,800
Speaker 1: to listen to that. Who is that? Is that a guy?

1335
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:14,640
Speaker 1: I don't know? And so to your future husband because

1336
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 1: I thought me and I was writing letters to my husband,

1337
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 1: maybe other women want to do the same thing. And

1338
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,720
Speaker 1: that was about three years ago. When halfway through people

1339
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 1: started saying what Bible did you order? Or like how

1340
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: did you write letters? And I thought, you know what,

1341
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:31,920
Speaker 1: let me just make this actual resource absolutely for you

1342
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 1: to go through.

1343
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:34,880
Speaker 4: See I love how that works out. It's like people

1344
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:37,360
Speaker 4: keep asking for the very thing you go, Oh God,

1345
01:03:37,520 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 4: I hear you. Let me go ahead and create that

1346
01:03:40,800 --> 01:03:45,120
Speaker 4: which everyone is asking for future husband present prayers.

1347
01:03:47,000 --> 01:03:48,640
Speaker 2: What do you want people to take away from this?

1348
01:03:50,680 --> 01:03:53,440
Speaker 1: I want people to have the permission to hope, have

1349
01:03:53,560 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 1: the permission to pray, have like we were saying earlier,

1350
01:03:57,640 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 1: like this new model of what is possible, because everything

1351
01:04:00,960 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 1: within culture and dating and relationships is going to tell you,

1352
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:08,320
Speaker 1: you know, the negative side of things, or this is

1353
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,720
Speaker 1: what's possible on paper. But I just think there's this

1354
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:13,800
Speaker 1: whole other camp that we're not aware of. Is you know,

1355
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 1: praying for your future husband and doesn't mean you're obsessed,

1356
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:18,600
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it's going to be an idol in your life.

1357
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:20,800
Speaker 1: But it means that you're just saying, Lord, I have

1358
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:24,280
Speaker 1: his desire that I will be done, whether that is

1359
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:26,400
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going to stay single for ten more

1360
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 1: years or for the rest of my life, or it

1361
01:04:28,520 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 1: is I'm going to release this desire. I have some

1362
01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:33,080
Speaker 1: women that are part of your future husband that have

1363
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:35,640
Speaker 1: been praying for three years, and their faith is just

1364
01:04:35,760 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 1: as beautiful and passionate. They have like treasure box as

1365
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:40,840
Speaker 1: they call a like Oh I got a postcard in

1366
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:42,919
Speaker 1: this area, or this achievement I can't wait to share

1367
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:45,440
Speaker 1: with him. But it's living with this mindset of if

1368
01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:47,960
Speaker 1: I have his desire for marriage, I'm going to act

1369
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:51,560
Speaker 1: like I am already married, because my commitment is not

1370
01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 1: to find someone to meet me. It's to be dedicated

1371
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:58,120
Speaker 1: to this person. That means I act dedicated in singleness.

1372
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:02,040
Speaker 1: I dedicated in dating, not because I'm obsessed with that idea.

1373
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:04,320
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to be skewed by how dating

1374
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 1: looks right now are just my own selfish whims of love.

1375
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to live in a committed way which is

1376
01:05:10,560 --> 01:05:13,200
Speaker 1: honorable to him. Whenever we do meet.

1377
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:18,479
Speaker 4: God, that's good. Good Lord, that is so good. God,

1378
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:21,960
Speaker 4: that's so good. I just love when people walk in

1379
01:05:22,040 --> 01:05:25,720
Speaker 4: their purpose. And matter of fact, I'm gonna ask you

1380
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 4: this without even assuming, because I know you've gotten tons

1381
01:05:28,840 --> 01:05:32,880
Speaker 4: of testimonies from people who have listened to your podcast

1382
01:05:32,960 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 4: that you provided hop for. Do you recall a story

1383
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:39,480
Speaker 4: or testimony that someone has DMD you and shared with you.

1384
01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 1: Probably the ones that are on my mind the most

1385
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:46,440
Speaker 1: are from this past Gallentine's event, which is so sweet

1386
01:05:46,560 --> 01:05:48,760
Speaker 1: to get to share the birthing of this book with

1387
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,600
Speaker 1: other women, because I truly don't believe it's because I

1388
01:05:51,680 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 1: did everything perfect or I wrote the perfect book, or

1389
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:57,440
Speaker 1: I have the best podcast. Probably don't even have the

1390
01:05:57,480 --> 01:06:04,720
Speaker 1: best podcast that starts with your future. But I feel

1391
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:07,200
Speaker 1: like I was really literarious stumbled onto something that was

1392
01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:11,680
Speaker 1: just such a beautiful invitation. And so some of the

1393
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 1: women were saying they came in and they said, I've

1394
01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 1: really been discouraged in this area of desire, which is,

1395
01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:20,360
Speaker 1: you know, these are women that paid to come to

1396
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:22,360
Speaker 1: this event, and so I'm like, I feel like you

1397
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,400
Speaker 1: would be really bought into praying for your future husband,

1398
01:06:24,440 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 1: but you're even saying it's hard out there. My heart

1399
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 1: is disappointed. I'm frustrated, I have questions, But you know,

1400
01:06:32,920 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 1: the testimonies that come in of you know, getting to

1401
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:38,280
Speaker 1: hear other people's testimonies fuels my faith and I just

1402
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:41,800
Speaker 1: want to applaud that because it takes a very pure

1403
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:44,680
Speaker 1: heart to not turn that to synicalism of what worked

1404
01:06:44,680 --> 01:06:46,000
Speaker 1: for them it's not going to work for me, but

1405
01:06:46,080 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 1: to let your faith be stirred up. I love that

1406
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:52,600
Speaker 1: David would come into his time of prayer frustrated, angry,

1407
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,360
Speaker 1: like God, go kill these people, like go take them out.

1408
01:06:55,520 --> 01:06:58,280
Speaker 1: My life is horrible. But his time of prayer turned

1409
01:06:58,360 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 1: what could be frustration, which could be complaint, into this

1410
01:07:02,520 --> 01:07:05,320
Speaker 1: place of telling his soul, his soul rise again. I

1411
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:07,919
Speaker 1: trust the nature of the Lord. I'm going to prayer

1412
01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:10,280
Speaker 1: or not just for an answer, but to entertain, you know,

1413
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:12,720
Speaker 1: the holiness that is of the Lord, and say, will

1414
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 1: you uplift my heart? Will you show me? Will you

1415
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:19,440
Speaker 1: established my steps? And so you know that that's available

1416
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:21,800
Speaker 1: for all of us, whether you're you know, maybe you're

1417
01:07:21,880 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 1: married and you're waiting to have children, like we never

1418
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:27,240
Speaker 1: graduate from this area of having to put faith over fear.

1419
01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:31,240
Speaker 1: And so it's just this this invitation that's constant. And

1420
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:34,120
Speaker 1: so that's I think the greatest testimony is when women

1421
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 1: can say this has helped me hope again, and that's

1422
01:07:36,840 --> 01:07:38,040
Speaker 1: just my hope for them.

1423
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 2: Oh God, that was so good.

1424
01:07:41,520 --> 01:07:44,440
Speaker 4: Well, here's a part of the podcast where you grab

1425
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 4: that book that box, it's a piece of paper in there,

1426
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:52,000
Speaker 4: and you write a key to love. And so you write, yeah,

1427
01:07:52,000 --> 01:07:54,400
Speaker 4: all right, grab that and write a key to love.

1428
01:07:55,440 --> 01:07:59,440
Speaker 4: And I'm going to call Ashley right now. So that

1429
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:04,280
Speaker 4: she can say the ending part with me because I

1430
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:08,160
Speaker 4: don't even know it. Uh So you'll read the Key

1431
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:14,919
Speaker 4: to Love and then you gonna hang it on that wrong.

1432
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:19,000
Speaker 4: Let's see, can you write with that one or do

1433
01:08:19,000 --> 01:08:20,439
Speaker 4: you need that market use a sharpie?

1434
01:08:21,360 --> 01:08:25,880
Speaker 2: Yeah? Bye, I need you to say something. Bye.

1435
01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:35,000
Speaker 4: Trying to get a suitcase downstairs. Yeah, let's see. But yeah, man,

1436
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:39,320
Speaker 4: it's a lot of work making this book pop. And

1437
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:46,240
Speaker 4: I see it's already charted and it's doing great, right

1438
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:48,439
Speaker 4: right right, Yeah, in the same category. It's like this

1439
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:50,760
Speaker 4: is it just I see that moment and I just

1440
01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:53,360
Speaker 4: I just get it. I get really emotional. I'm a

1441
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:55,479
Speaker 4: very I just I look back because I never thought

1442
01:08:55,479 --> 01:08:57,960
Speaker 4: about this stuff, Like when I started this podcast off,

1443
01:08:58,080 --> 01:09:00,760
Speaker 4: I never I never saw none of this for me,

1444
01:09:01,560 --> 01:09:05,800
Speaker 4: and then God just makes it happen. And it's all

1445
01:09:05,840 --> 01:09:08,720
Speaker 4: about surrender. And that's what I want to encourage everybody,

1446
01:09:08,920 --> 01:09:11,559
Speaker 4: is just being a heart posture of surrender. You don't

1447
01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:12,800
Speaker 4: need to figure it all out.

1448
01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:15,800
Speaker 1: That'll just frustrate you.

1449
01:09:16,040 --> 01:09:19,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, take that and read what you wrote.

1450
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:24,280
Speaker 1: To rely on holy wisdom rather than your own strength.

1451
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 1: Explain there are times, even in my marriage where we're

1452
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:33,679
Speaker 1: in a conflict, and I think, oh, I just want

1453
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:35,920
Speaker 1: to be right, I just want him to understand. But

1454
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:38,080
Speaker 1: then the Holy Spirit WI whisper something like, well are

1455
01:09:38,120 --> 01:09:41,640
Speaker 1: you seeking to understand him? What is my invitation to

1456
01:09:41,720 --> 01:09:46,760
Speaker 1: connect y'all right now? And it completely transforms the trajectory

1457
01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:49,160
Speaker 1: of that day, of that season. And so I'm just

1458
01:09:49,240 --> 01:09:51,000
Speaker 1: so thankful that a quarter of three strands is not

1459
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:54,120
Speaker 1: easily broken. Yeah, there's my husband, myself, and then holy

1460
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 1: wisdom that you know the two are united and they

1461
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:59,840
Speaker 1: become one. But I think holy wisdom from the Lord.

1462
01:09:59,800 --> 01:10:04,160
Speaker 6: Ke some one that's good, take a moment, go hang

1463
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:08,200
Speaker 6: it up on the one of those wrongs, one that's available,

1464
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:16,240
Speaker 6: and let me And so we'll just have all these

1465
01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:19,559
Speaker 6: these filled up with all these nice little quotes. Let

1466
01:10:19,640 --> 01:10:21,400
Speaker 6: me see if she can say this last part. I

1467
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:30,000
Speaker 6: forgot the words to it. Hold On, Rihanna, do you

1468
01:10:30,080 --> 01:10:34,639
Speaker 6: know that quote made the love you share today? I'll

1469
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:38,759
Speaker 6: live the season you you're in, made it something somewhere

1470
01:10:38,880 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 6: faith And hold on, I know what I do. She's

1471
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:44,360
Speaker 6: trying to grab that. Lookers, let me just go to YouTube.

1472
01:10:45,160 --> 01:10:56,439
Speaker 2: Hold on, mu uh where is well? Shoot, we had it.

1473
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:58,880
Speaker 2: We had a memorize my part memorized. I just never

1474
01:10:58,920 --> 01:10:59,679
Speaker 2: memorize her part.

1475
01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:04,800
Speaker 4: I never thought about what if when when she's not

1476
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,920
Speaker 4: doing it, because when I did it by myself last week.

1477
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:15,000
Speaker 5: But yeah, like them explain it because it's just naturally

1478
01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:22,240
Speaker 5: in me. And if I'm already and y'all share today,

1479
01:11:22,560 --> 01:11:24,000
Speaker 5: outlive the season you're in.

1480
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:27,320
Speaker 3: May carry you through the days when words are few

1481
01:11:27,600 --> 01:11:29,640
Speaker 3: and faith has to do the talking.

1482
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:33,880
Speaker 2: Y'all give it up for this. Okay? May I carry

1483
01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:41,400
Speaker 2: you through? What I say? Held on, y'all share today,

1484
01:11:41,680 --> 01:11:43,160
Speaker 2: outlive the season you're in.

1485
01:11:43,880 --> 01:11:46,439
Speaker 3: May carry you through the days when words are few,

1486
01:11:46,760 --> 01:11:47,799
Speaker 3: and faith has.

1487
01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:49,519
Speaker 2: To do the talking. Y'all give it up for this.

1488
01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 2: Faith has to do the talking.

1489
01:11:50,960 --> 01:11:55,559
Speaker 4: May I carry you through days where words are few

1490
01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:58,720
Speaker 4: and faith has to do the talking where words are few?

1491
01:11:59,600 --> 01:12:07,080
Speaker 2: All right, good, all right? What was the shot? Go

1492
01:12:07,200 --> 01:12:09,479
Speaker 2: to that one?

1493
01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:14,120
Speaker 4: So Christian made the love you share today? Outlive the

1494
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:17,120
Speaker 4: season you're in. May it carry you through the days

1495
01:12:17,240 --> 01:12:20,320
Speaker 4: where words are few and fate has to do the talking.

1496
01:12:20,640 --> 01:12:23,320
Speaker 4: Y'all give it up for my home Christian Berge Ladarian

1497
01:12:24,280 --> 01:12:27,799
Speaker 4: thrust it suddenly into child protective services. In twenty fifteen,

1498
01:12:28,479 --> 01:12:33,080
Speaker 4: my nephew black A boy. The likelihood have been adopted

1499
01:12:33,120 --> 01:12:39,000
Speaker 4: outside of kinship slim to none. Ourmione, sixteen years old black,

1500
01:12:39,680 --> 01:12:42,679
Speaker 4: a boy with five years in the Falster care system

1501
01:12:42,720 --> 01:12:46,000
Speaker 4: before I even knew his name, The likelihood have ever

1502
01:12:46,080 --> 01:12:46,759
Speaker 4: been adopted?

1503
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:50,120
Speaker 2: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

1504
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:54,639
Speaker 4: While Ladarian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely

1505
01:12:54,720 --> 01:12:58,080
Speaker 4: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falster care system, I

1506
01:12:58,240 --> 01:13:01,559
Speaker 4: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been

1507
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:03,760
Speaker 4: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1508
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:06,200
Speaker 4: was doing well in college. It was my time to

1509
01:13:06,280 --> 01:13:12,840
Speaker 4: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

1510
01:13:13,800 --> 01:13:17,120
Speaker 4: There are just two many of our black children stuck

1511
01:13:17,439 --> 01:13:20,719
Speaker 4: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falster care system.

1512
01:13:21,439 --> 01:13:25,439
Speaker 4: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast

1513
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:27,760
Speaker 4: forward to twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this

1514
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:30,320
Speaker 4: other young king, but I felt God instructed me to

1515
01:13:30,439 --> 01:13:33,960
Speaker 4: adopt them also in Il Babe, starting over with parentings

1516
01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:36,840
Speaker 4: should have been enough. Right, Working with various foster care

1517
01:13:36,880 --> 01:13:40,080
Speaker 4: and adoption agencies to help bring awareness to the countless

1518
01:13:40,240 --> 01:13:43,040
Speaker 4: young Black kings and the Falster care system should have

1519
01:13:43,160 --> 01:13:47,000
Speaker 4: decreased my agitation. Right, Joining the board of directors of

1520
01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:51,120
Speaker 4: Advantage Adoption and organization that helps find permanent adoptive homes

1521
01:13:51,320 --> 01:13:53,439
Speaker 4: for children in false care should have led to some

1522
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:54,479
Speaker 4: type of resolve.

1523
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:58,920
Speaker 2: Right, No, not at all. None of it felt like

1524
01:13:59,120 --> 01:13:59,960
Speaker 2: I had done enough.

1525
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:05,280
Speaker 4: I now realize that every one of those experiences was

1526
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:09,799
Speaker 4: land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission. Kingdom Royal.

1527
01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:13,400
Speaker 4: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

1528
01:14:13,479 --> 01:14:16,640
Speaker 4: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

1529
01:14:16,680 --> 01:14:19,679
Speaker 4: the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole

1530
01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:24,360
Speaker 4: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,

1531
01:14:24,640 --> 01:14:28,720
Speaker 4: and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that

1532
01:14:28,840 --> 01:14:30,960
Speaker 4: they thought were impossible.

1533
01:14:32,160 --> 01:14:32,320
Speaker 2: Though.

1534
01:14:32,360 --> 01:14:34,519
Speaker 4: The young Kings will attend the local public schools that

1535
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:38,440
Speaker 4: are in proximity to Kingdom Royal. Our at home curriculum

1536
01:14:38,640 --> 01:14:42,080
Speaker 4: will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts, attending

1537
01:14:42,160 --> 01:14:47,040
Speaker 4: various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted discussions

1538
01:14:47,080 --> 01:14:51,400
Speaker 4: about current events and even relevant historical contexts, Introducing them

1539
01:14:51,479 --> 01:14:55,040
Speaker 4: to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our animals.

1540
01:14:55,320 --> 01:14:59,040
Speaker 4: On our form and on site stables. We just launched

1541
01:14:59,120 --> 01:15:02,240
Speaker 4: our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising two

1542
01:15:02,280 --> 01:15:03,280
Speaker 4: point eight million dollars.

1543
01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:04,719
Speaker 2: Now why two point eight million dollars?

1544
01:15:05,600 --> 01:15:07,920
Speaker 4: Well. In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in

1545
01:15:07,960 --> 01:15:11,200
Speaker 4: which I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the

1546
01:15:11,280 --> 01:15:14,320
Speaker 4: homeless community. One of the most notable successes was that

1547
01:15:14,439 --> 01:15:19,799
Speaker 4: one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

1548
01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:22,439
Speaker 4: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

1549
01:15:22,520 --> 01:15:25,840
Speaker 4: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

1550
01:15:25,880 --> 01:15:29,960
Speaker 4: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with

1551
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:33,719
Speaker 4: much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment.

1552
01:15:33,840 --> 01:15:36,760
Speaker 4: I knew if at that time just ten percent of

1553
01:15:36,800 --> 01:15:39,680
Speaker 4: the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at

1554
01:15:39,760 --> 01:15:43,240
Speaker 4: least two point eight million dollars that could have really

1555
01:15:43,360 --> 01:15:46,320
Speaker 4: established long term support for the homeless community, or at

1556
01:15:46,439 --> 01:15:48,280
Speaker 4: least started a long term.

1557
01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:52,640
Speaker 2: Initiative to do so. This is my do over, this

1558
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:54,320
Speaker 2: is our new beginning.

1559
01:15:54,520 --> 01:15:57,960
Speaker 4: Together, we can attack this at the route by specifically

1560
01:15:58,120 --> 01:16:02,560
Speaker 4: helping our homeless Black boy is who are already disproportionately

1561
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:07,040
Speaker 4: represented in the American fossil care system. I'm a Teri Sarwickfield.

1562
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:10,439
Speaker 4: I've been nominated for three Regional Emmys, documenting my work

1563
01:16:10,479 --> 01:16:13,400
Speaker 4: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

1564
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:18,400
Speaker 4: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

1565
01:16:18,560 --> 01:16:24,240
Speaker 4: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot

1566
01:16:24,320 --> 01:16:27,880
Speaker 4: com for more details, crown a king and make a

1567
01:16:27,960 --> 01:16:37,920
Speaker 4: donation today. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the

1568
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:43,400
Speaker 4: Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently,

1569
01:16:43,920 --> 01:16:44,880
Speaker 4: and don't stop loving.

1570
01:16:45,320 --> 01:16:47,600
Speaker 2: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and

1571
01:16:47,640 --> 01:16:48,320
Speaker 2: YouTube channel.

1572
01:16:48,520 --> 01:16:52,000
Speaker 4: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

1573
01:16:52,280 --> 01:16:55,120
Speaker 2: You welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your

1574
01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:55,840
Speaker 2: friends and family.