1
00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,320
Speaker 1: You said it sounded like you were crying from a

2
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,080
Speaker 1: deep place because I was. Yeah, because there was an

3
00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,000
Speaker 1: end to his life, but for me it was a

4
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,160
Speaker 1: beginning of life without him. But it said unthinkable that

5
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,520
Speaker 1: none of us want to entertain.

6
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,680
Speaker 2: Welcome to Dear Future Wifey podcast my sister in Christ,

7
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:15,640
Speaker 2: Cassandra Robinson.

8
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:16,919
Speaker 3: The last time we saw.

9
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:21,319
Speaker 2: You on the podcast, you were with your loving husband call.

10
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,000
Speaker 3: That was three years ago. What has happened since then?

11
00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,640
Speaker 1: Karl has transitioned. Grief is multi layered.

12
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,840
Speaker 2: Like you said, it's still fresh. It's not even two

13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,680
Speaker 2: muths at this point. How have you been navigating it?

14
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,879
Speaker 1: Some days I do extremely well because I know that

15
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:38,040
Speaker 1: those are the days that God is carrying me. And

16
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:40,559
Speaker 1: then there are days when God watches over me, he

17
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,840
Speaker 1: lets me sit in it for a little bit before

18
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:46,320
Speaker 1: I feel that reassuring presence that His arms are around me.

19
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,319
Speaker 1: And then there are days when I have a lot

20
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,920
Speaker 1: of joy because I'm full. I have thirty three years married,

21
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:56,560
Speaker 1: thirty six years together, a beautiful, blissful, funny, crazy, laughable

22
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,280
Speaker 1: memories that I can pull from. It's a deep well,

23
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,080
Speaker 1: if you would. And then there are moments where I'm angry.

24
00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:06,360
Speaker 1: I feel like at fifty eight I deserved an eighty

25
00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:11,280
Speaker 1: something ninety something attendance at my husband's Homegoing believers have

26
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,520
Speaker 1: said to me, in this process, all that you.

27
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,759
Speaker 3: Know about God, all that you know about God, all that.

28
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,360
Speaker 1: You know about God, all the worth that you have

29
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:20,760
Speaker 1: in you, you just need to have faith, Nah Cas.

30
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,399
Speaker 1: My ambition in being here today is to share a

31
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,760
Speaker 1: level of honesty regarding grief that we don't often hear

32
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,520
Speaker 1: as believers. He said something to me while dating me.

33
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:36,039
Speaker 1: He says, I will empty myself of everything I have

34
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,800
Speaker 1: to make you happy. As much as my heart grieves

35
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,959
Speaker 1: his absence, I can, with absolute certainty and assurance tell

36
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,840
Speaker 1: you that man emptied every ounce, every fiber of love

37
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,480
Speaker 1: in him into me. And I can say, standing over

38
00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,440
Speaker 1: my husband declining, leaving out of this life, literally singing

39
00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:59,880
Speaker 1: and praying him over every fiber of love I had

40
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,880
Speaker 1: in my heart for him I gave it.

41
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,720
Speaker 3: Is that your wedding ring, now it is I just.

42
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,360
Speaker 1: That's gonna make good cry a little, but I'm going

43
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:11,079
Speaker 1: to get through it.

44
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,840
Speaker 2: The Dear Future WIFEI podcast has global impact from Texas.

45
00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,600
Speaker 1: I have been on this journey of healing and self

46
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,000
Speaker 1: discovery and this podcast has been a vital part of

47
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:23,760
Speaker 1: my process.

48
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:29,400
Speaker 4: God's establishing through you a legacy, a display of freedom,

49
00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,720
Speaker 4: founding authentic spirituality, California.

50
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:36,480
Speaker 1: I learned so much as a single man through your podcast,

51
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,079
Speaker 1: and continue to learn so much as.

52
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,720
Speaker 3: Now a married man Nigeria.

53
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:44,280
Speaker 1: This is just therapy for me. You know, I've been healed.

54
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,600
Speaker 1: I've been strengthening in my convictions on the st to

55
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:48,560
Speaker 1: do single hoop.

56
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,280
Speaker 4: Better Amsterdam way that you've shown us how it is

57
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:57,160
Speaker 4: possible for a man to be as intentional as you

58
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,480
Speaker 4: are New Jersey.

59
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,240
Speaker 1: I appreciate your vulnerability.

60
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,960
Speaker 2: I appreciate just being able to see that there is

61
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,840
Speaker 2: life after divorce to New York.

62
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,440
Speaker 1: I am a single woman, so these episodes really give

63
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,960
Speaker 1: me hope and courage that God does have a husband

64
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:11,400
Speaker 1: for me.

65
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:16,640
Speaker 2: Discover, uncover and recover love. I'm latera Sar Whitfield and

66
00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,760
Speaker 2: this is season ten of the Dear Future Wifie Podcasts.

67
00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,440
Speaker 2: Welcome to Dear Future Wifie podcast. I'm your host, latera

68
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,560
Speaker 2: Sar Whitfield. Listen, are you still shacking up with us?

69
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,480
Speaker 2: If you're still shacking up with us, come on, can

70
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,720
Speaker 2: we get a commitment. Hit that subscription button and subscribe.

71
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,679
Speaker 2: Make sure you turn on your notification bell so you'll

72
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:37,160
Speaker 2: be notified about upcoming episodes. As y'all know, we're in

73
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 2: the thick of pre ordering the book Student of Love.

74
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,800
Speaker 2: I thank God so much for allow me to birth

75
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:49,440
Speaker 2: this book. I've taken stories from the podcast, and I've

76
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:53,360
Speaker 2: shared stories from the guests, the nuggets that I've gleaned

77
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,400
Speaker 2: from the guests, and I've compilded in this book along

78
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,720
Speaker 2: with my own personal life. Y'all get an in depth

79
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,400
Speaker 2: look at some of the stories I've never shared before

80
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,600
Speaker 2: and how I've become a Student of Love. Take a

81
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:10,880
Speaker 2: moment and watch this promo video. I was married, cheated,

82
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,680
Speaker 2: flown out of marriage. These eyes have seen the pain

83
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:21,200
Speaker 2: of failure, but also the possibility of redemption. These ears

84
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:25,000
Speaker 2: have heard the lies you'll never change, but they've also

85
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:30,240
Speaker 2: caught the whisper of truth. But Ris, you can learn

86
00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:35,000
Speaker 2: love on the level you've never known. This finger once

87
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,560
Speaker 2: carried a val I wasn't ready to honor. Today is empty,

88
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,599
Speaker 2: but it's unashamed. It's waiting on a covenant I'll protect

89
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:45,240
Speaker 2: with wisdom.

90
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:45,880
Speaker 3: Will you married?

91
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,040
Speaker 1: I'm no expert.

92
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,120
Speaker 3: I'm just a fellow student.

93
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,840
Speaker 2: I've sat in Love's classroom, even spent time with detention,

94
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,960
Speaker 2: but now I live with intention. That's why I wrote

95
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:02,479
Speaker 2: Student of Love, because learning love never ends. Sit next

96
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:06,080
Speaker 2: to me and cheat off of my paper. Cheat, Tony

97
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,760
Speaker 2: shall use a better word.

98
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:11,400
Speaker 3: Let's just cut to the chase. Pre order this.

99
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,480
Speaker 2: Book and start the journey on becoming a true student

100
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,080
Speaker 2: of Love class.

101
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:17,640
Speaker 3: It's now in session.

102
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:33,919
Speaker 2: Hi, so listen man, this episode it's very powerful. Why

103
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,440
Speaker 2: it's because this guest, y'all fell in love with her

104
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,320
Speaker 2: and her spouse when they were on the podcast three

105
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:41,920
Speaker 2: years ago.

106
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,880
Speaker 1: It was June of twenty twenty two.

107
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,280
Speaker 2: They capture the hearts of people everywhere, and so without

108
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,919
Speaker 2: further ado, we'll get into it and you'll see her.

109
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:56,280
Speaker 2: Welcome to a Differ Future Wifey podcast, My homie, my friend,

110
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,680
Speaker 2: my sister in Christ, Cassandra Robinson.

111
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:04,840
Speaker 1: How you doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing.

112
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,520
Speaker 2: The last time we saw you on the podcast, you

113
00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 2: were with your loving husband call.

114
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,360
Speaker 3: That was three years ago. What has happened since then?

115
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:25,320
Speaker 1: You know, it's pretty amazing how that Carl has transitioned.

116
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:31,320
Speaker 1: And that isn't amazing. What's amazing is the aftermath, the aftermath,

117
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,880
Speaker 1: and you know, I coined the word amazing because grief

118
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,560
Speaker 1: is multi layered. I mean, there's so many different layers

119
00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:41,360
Speaker 1: to grief. But what's amazing is I've had this show

120
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:44,440
Speaker 1: of community and my village in a way that I

121
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 1: never knew that I would ever need it. I never

122
00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,159
Speaker 1: knew that my village would show up in the way

123
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:54,080
Speaker 1: that they have, and that has been the glue. That's

124
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,680
Speaker 1: been the determining factor as to whether or not I

125
00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:59,560
Speaker 1: get out of bed in the morning, whether or not

126
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,599
Speaker 1: I chew used to keep showing up. It's really been

127
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:05,880
Speaker 1: that village. And we'll get into more of how grief

128
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,080
Speaker 1: is multi layered, the memories, the impact Karl made on

129
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,280
Speaker 1: my life, the impact I was able to make on his,

130
00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,800
Speaker 1: the you know forever more vows that we you know,

131
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,600
Speaker 1: made to one another, and how that we honored those

132
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,560
Speaker 1: vows and we kept them to the very end. But

133
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,200
Speaker 1: in this space, it's been all village.

134
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,720
Speaker 2: Today is October the third, while we're recording this episode.

135
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:33,520
Speaker 2: And when did you lose your husband, Carl?

136
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:34,640
Speaker 3: What was the date?

137
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,440
Speaker 1: Well, first, let me say there's only one man on

138
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,560
Speaker 1: the planet. Then I would agree to do this for

139
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:46,480
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at him. That's you. Yeah, that's you.

140
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,080
Speaker 1: You and I just share a beautiful bond brother sister,

141
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,000
Speaker 1: and we have for some time. And that's why I

142
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:56,240
Speaker 1: just I didn't consider it anything but a honor to

143
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,800
Speaker 1: be here to share our story. But Carl transitioned to

144
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,000
Speaker 1: August twenty ninth, and so it's still very fresh. It's

145
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,280
Speaker 1: still very new. Even in your introduction when you said

146
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:08,040
Speaker 1: she and her spouse. Just to hear that word and

147
00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:14,600
Speaker 1: to realize that my spouse no longer remains, yeah, it

148
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:15,520
Speaker 1: just hits different.

149
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:26,000
Speaker 2: I attended the homegoing service. There was a moment in

150
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:31,280
Speaker 2: the service that shook me to the core of my

151
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:37,120
Speaker 2: soul when I heard you well out and up until

152
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,719
Speaker 2: that point, and I hate when people say you were

153
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,240
Speaker 2: doing so good, you were you were, you were being strong.

154
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,080
Speaker 2: I hate that terminology, but you were holding it in

155
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,400
Speaker 2: and then that moment.

156
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:54,440
Speaker 3: What happened in that moment, just.

157
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:59,520
Speaker 1: The realization of the finality of death. I know that

158
00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:01,640
Speaker 1: as a Blue Lever, you know, we're taught and we

159
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,080
Speaker 1: believe that. You know, to the believer, death is life,

160
00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,880
Speaker 1: and it is because it's the life thereafter. But in

161
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:12,040
Speaker 1: the natural death is an end. And in that moment,

162
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,600
Speaker 1: having watched that, if you recall, there was a video

163
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,760
Speaker 1: presentation that was happening at that moment, and the music

164
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,079
Speaker 1: was very, very deep, and it was moving and it

165
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:24,720
Speaker 1: was reflective, and just all those elements coming together was

166
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:30,120
Speaker 1: just screaming to me, this is an end to his life.

167
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,200
Speaker 1: It's an end to that bliss, It's an end to

168
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,720
Speaker 1: that unity. It's an end to those deep conversations. It's

169
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,240
Speaker 1: an end to that early morning kiss on the forehead

170
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,360
Speaker 1: or kiss on the cheek. It's an end to all

171
00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:44,480
Speaker 1: the things that I grew to love and to depend

172
00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,320
Speaker 1: on and to look forward to. And in that moment,

173
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:52,160
Speaker 1: the realization of the end was too great. It was

174
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,360
Speaker 1: just too great. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

175
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,240
Speaker 1: I had to just release. And it was a very

176
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,840
Speaker 1: you know, you said it sounded like you were crying

177
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:05,400
Speaker 1: from a deep placement, because I was. Because it was

178
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:10,040
Speaker 1: in that realization that there was a death and there

179
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:13,640
Speaker 1: was an end that I also realized it was a

180
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,560
Speaker 1: new beginning for me because there was an end to

181
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,760
Speaker 1: his life, but for me it was a beginning of

182
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:24,079
Speaker 1: life without him. And it's said unthinkable that we all

183
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,560
Speaker 1: know will happen at some point in our lives, but

184
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,120
Speaker 1: it said unthinkable that none of us want to entertain.

185
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,280
Speaker 1: And there I was at a time that I wasn't

186
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:39,640
Speaker 1: honestly prepared. I wasn't really prepared for that realization, but

187
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,360
Speaker 1: there it was my new reality.

188
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,280
Speaker 2: Those years, thirty three years of love shared. I was

189
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:49,599
Speaker 2: talking to you one day and you said that we

190
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:54,400
Speaker 2: built a love empowre. That stuck with me, Cassie. What

191
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,880
Speaker 2: do you mean by a love empire?

192
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:07,280
Speaker 1: Empire speaks of control, kingdom speaks of lordship. We built

193
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,480
Speaker 1: an empire based upon what we were able to control,

194
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,320
Speaker 1: and we were able to control how we responded to

195
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,319
Speaker 1: one another. We were able to control how we reacted

196
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:20,040
Speaker 1: to one another. We were able to control what we allowed

197
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,880
Speaker 1: into our union, what we disallowed into our union, how

198
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,080
Speaker 1: far our limitations were with one another. We were able

199
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,960
Speaker 1: to control all of those things. And in doing so,

200
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,800
Speaker 1: the empire that we built was one of honor. It

201
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,120
Speaker 1: was one of love, It was one of respect, but

202
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:39,280
Speaker 1: it was also one of order. There were certain things

203
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,559
Speaker 1: that we didn't tolerate in our union. We didn't even

204
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,240
Speaker 1: tolerate it in our home. And if we sense that

205
00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:47,280
Speaker 1: maybe someone that we had invited to our home, crossed

206
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,880
Speaker 1: the threshold and the spirit of the house change. We

207
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,160
Speaker 1: addressed it, really, oh, we addressed it.

208
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:52,920
Speaker 3: You know.

209
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,000
Speaker 1: The misconception about Carl, and you know this, but the

210
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,960
Speaker 1: misconception about Carl is that because he was a soft

211
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,400
Speaker 1: spoken man, because he was a reserved man, a man

212
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,200
Speaker 1: of few words, that he was weak. And that couldn't

213
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,280
Speaker 1: be further from the truth. Carl was a man's man.

214
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,880
Speaker 1: He was a man of absolutes. His yea's were yeah,

215
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:13,400
Speaker 1: and his names were nay. And when he said to

216
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,400
Speaker 1: me no, it was a for sure no it trust me.

217
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:21,720
Speaker 1: I tried it. Trust Yes he did. And that was

218
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 1: the point of yes he did, Yes he did. His

219
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,560
Speaker 1: nose were null. But we would address it because the

220
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:34,280
Speaker 1: empire that we had built matter to us. It meant

221
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,160
Speaker 1: something to us, and it was important to us that

222
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,960
Speaker 1: we protect what we built. And that's why I referred

223
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,880
Speaker 1: to it as an empire. Now here's the thing. The

224
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:47,480
Speaker 1: empire was subject to kingdom, to his lordship. So we

225
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,680
Speaker 1: did it as unto him, never desiring to be the

226
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,240
Speaker 1: couple that looked down on people, and oh look at us,

227
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,240
Speaker 1: and we not pinning roses upon ourselves or anything like that.

228
00:12:56,600 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 1: But look at us as we follow him. So when

229
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,160
Speaker 1: people would compliment us and say, oh my god, you

230
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,720
Speaker 1: guys are perfect, we would quickly correct that, no, there's

231
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:07,760
Speaker 1: no perfection in us.

232
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,839
Speaker 3: Trust me, How have you been navigating this?

233
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 2: Like you said, it's still fresh, it's not even two

234
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,200
Speaker 2: months at this point.

235
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:18,840
Speaker 3: How have you been navigating it?

236
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,840
Speaker 1: Some days I do extremely well because I know that

237
00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:27,160
Speaker 1: those are the days that God is carrying me. But

238
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,800
Speaker 1: the truth is, I've come to the end of myself.

239
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,280
Speaker 1: I am a bit of a wordsmith. I love words,

240
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,280
Speaker 1: I love etymology, I love the derivations. I love to

241
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,679
Speaker 1: study words, what they mean, where they came from a

242
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:45,280
Speaker 1: proper context. And yet in this season, more often than

243
00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:50,120
Speaker 1: I care to share, I've been rendered speechless. Don't have

244
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,520
Speaker 1: the words. So some days I'm great because those are

245
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:55,600
Speaker 1: the days that God carries me. And then there are

246
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,120
Speaker 1: days when God watches over me, he lets me sit

247
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,840
Speaker 1: in it for a little bit before I feel that

248
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,680
Speaker 1: reassuring presence that His arms are around me. And that's

249
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,920
Speaker 1: healthy because it's helping to build me and strengthen me

250
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:13,000
Speaker 1: in the places where grief is tearing me down. And

251
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,720
Speaker 1: then there are days when I have a lot of

252
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,640
Speaker 1: joy because I'm full. I'm full. I have thirty three

253
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:23,400
Speaker 1: years married, thirty six years together, a beautiful, blissful, funny, crazy,

254
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:27,880
Speaker 1: laughable memories that I can pull from. It's a deep well,

255
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,560
Speaker 1: if you would, and I can pull from that well

256
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,240
Speaker 1: of those great memories. And then there are moments where

257
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:41,360
Speaker 1: I'm angry because I feel like, at fifty eight, I

258
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:48,680
Speaker 1: deserved an eighty something ninety something attendance at my husband's homegoing.

259
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,480
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I deserved to be fifty eight

260
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:59,880
Speaker 1: and my husband sixty two, and I'm sitting in his

261
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:04,240
Speaker 1: homegoing service on the front row, and people are now

262
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:08,440
Speaker 1: referring to me as a widow. There's something about that,

263
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:14,840
Speaker 1: even now that's a little horrowing. There's something about the words,

264
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:24,160
Speaker 1: just saying the words the terrorists, widow, single. There's just

265
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,320
Speaker 1: something about even speaking it in the light of day

266
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:33,920
Speaker 1: that hits so heavy. And I think that if we're honest,

267
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:38,480
Speaker 1: and that's my goal, that's my ambition in being here today,

268
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:42,360
Speaker 1: is to share a level of honesty regarding grief that

269
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:46,520
Speaker 1: we don't often hear as believers. Yeah, because believers have

270
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,760
Speaker 1: said to me in this process. If I'm very, very transparent.

271
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,000
Speaker 1: Believers have said all that you know about God, all

272
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:54,880
Speaker 1: that you know about God, all that you know about God,

273
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,120
Speaker 1: all the word that you have in you, Believers have

274
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,920
Speaker 1: said to me, you just need to have faith.

275
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,080
Speaker 3: Nah, cassy nah.

276
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,200
Speaker 2: I mean the Bible I read people used to God

277
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,520
Speaker 2: would have people moor with sackcloth and ashes for.

278
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:15,880
Speaker 1: Years. But these are these are well meaning believers who

279
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:20,920
Speaker 1: are part of a system that I believe they've allowed

280
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,240
Speaker 1: themselves to be so engrossed in that they failed themselves.

281
00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,320
Speaker 1: I'm not going to blame the leaders, because ultimately we're

282
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,440
Speaker 1: responsible for our own learning, but I believe people have

283
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 1: failed themselves and become so heavenly minded that they lack

284
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 1: common sense.

285
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 2: So they would say that about what though about my

286
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:39,720
Speaker 2: process of grief?

287
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:44,040
Speaker 1: So like like you should be fine, You're gonna be okay.

288
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:50,000
Speaker 1: I don't worry about you. You're gonna be okay. Okay.

289
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 1: I don't really know how to process that because when

290
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 1: you were grieving and when you were down, when you

291
00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,840
Speaker 1: were in a trench, when you were in a valley,

292
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 1: Karl and I were there, You're talking about a whole life, right, Yeah,

293
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,000
Speaker 1: it's a whole life. It's like my husband.

294
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,119
Speaker 2: They're not talking about like you lost a job and

295
00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:13,080
Speaker 2: you're going, come on, you'll get another one. They're literally

296
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,800
Speaker 2: saying stuff like that, like you'll be all right, just

297
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,800
Speaker 2: weeping man door for a night, but joy coming in

298
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,120
Speaker 2: the morning.

299
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,280
Speaker 1: I've heard that. I can't tell you how many times

300
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 1: that's been said to me by well meaning believers, because

301
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,480
Speaker 1: I just refuse to believe that some of these statements

302
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:32,880
Speaker 1: and some of these ill thought encouragements were really spoken

303
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:38,719
Speaker 1: out of malice. I really believe they're thinking they're encouraging me,

304
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:39,800
Speaker 1: they're trying to help me.

305
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,399
Speaker 2: What would you say for those that don't know, Like

306
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 2: people are very ill informed on dealing with grief, what

307
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,760
Speaker 2: would you say if you were to give a couple

308
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:58,879
Speaker 2: of key tips, how does one help someone that is

309
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,360
Speaker 2: experiencing a law of a loved one.

310
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,800
Speaker 1: I think it goes a long way to say someone

311
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,800
Speaker 1: to someone who's navigating grief, who's navigating the loss of

312
00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:12,280
Speaker 1: their spouse, their soul made, even their mother or father,

313
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,840
Speaker 1: whomever it is that a person is grieving, even if

314
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:20,959
Speaker 1: you've experienced the loss of your spouse, every individual is different.

315
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,639
Speaker 1: So what I would say to that person is. You

316
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 1: are in my thoughts, you are in my prayers. I

317
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 1: am praying for you. I wish that I could do

318
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,520
Speaker 1: more than that, but this is what I know that

319
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 1: I can do, and I'm believing that the prayers that

320
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,720
Speaker 1: I am praying for you, that God will honor my prayers.

321
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,920
Speaker 1: To me, that says you're concerned about me.

322
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:42,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

323
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 1: To me, that says I may not be able to

324
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,840
Speaker 1: feel exactly what you're feeling, because no one can feel

325
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,119
Speaker 1: what another person is feeling. You may have walked through death,

326
00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,640
Speaker 1: you may have navigated the death of a loved one,

327
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 1: but the way you navigated that was the way you

328
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,359
Speaker 1: navigated that. Can't I don't have the right to assume

329
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 1: that the way you navigated death is the way that

330
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 1: I should take upon myself to navigate death. And I

331
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,919
Speaker 1: don't have the right to assume that because I'm also

332
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,560
Speaker 1: navigating death, that I can relate to you, because we're

333
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:19,400
Speaker 1: all authentic. So I would just say, you're in my heart,

334
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,320
Speaker 1: You're in my prayers. I'm praying for you. I thought

335
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:25,359
Speaker 1: about you today, and I wish that there were more

336
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,240
Speaker 1: than that that I could do. In fact, is there

337
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,240
Speaker 1: more that I can do? Is there a physical need.

338
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 1: Is there a material need that I could maybe meet

339
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:39,399
Speaker 1: to help lighten your load. Here's the other thing I

340
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:44,880
Speaker 1: hate to hear, if you need anything, just let me know.

341
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 2: And you feel like that because what you feel like

342
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,640
Speaker 2: they should just create whatever it is that they should give.

343
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,159
Speaker 1: I think that when a person is grieving, and a

344
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,520
Speaker 1: person is sad, and you say to them, if there's

345
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 1: anything that you need one a husband and a provider

346
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: of the home no longer remains. That's a need. And

347
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 1: I'm not a person to ask people for anything, you

348
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,160
Speaker 1: know me, you know, my heart.

349
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 2: Which makes it crazy because I say anything you need

350
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 2: now you got to come out of grief to say, hey,

351
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,640
Speaker 2: well can you pay my car?

352
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:18,880
Speaker 1: Note?

353
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 3: Like, like, what does that feel like?

354
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 1: I think that that's an invitation. I honestly feel like

355
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 1: that's an invitation for a person to either divulge like

356
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,680
Speaker 1: some personal need that they have to you, you know,

357
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:33,159
Speaker 1: or for them to ask you or to maybe beg

358
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 1: you know, for somebody to come, you know, to their

359
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:37,399
Speaker 1: need or to meet a need. And I don't think

360
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 1: that that's fair. I think that it's a better posture

361
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 1: to say I care about you, I'm concerned about you.

362
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 1: Here's what God has put in my heart that part

363
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 1: to do to help you. And I'm not even referring

364
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 1: to anything financial because I don't believe in that. And

365
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 1: you know, asking people, you know, please help me out,

366
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 1: I don't believe in that. I do believe in meeting

367
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,680
Speaker 1: the felt need. Yes, if you can see that there

368
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:03,440
Speaker 1: is a need, and you feel that there is a need,

369
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,360
Speaker 1: I believe, as God has prospered you, as you see

370
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 1: God and asking for a direction, I believe that you

371
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: should do that. You know, He gives see to the

372
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,680
Speaker 1: sowerp you know what I'm saying. So as you sow,

373
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,679
Speaker 1: you reap. I believe you should do that. But I

374
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 1: don't believe you should put pressure on a person who's

375
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 1: already in a valley to have to name out for

376
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: you what you can do to help them. And I

377
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 1: think people like you said, they just don't know.

378
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 2: That's the reason I'm glad that we're having this conversation,

379
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 2: because people are stepping on land mines don't even realize.

380
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,120
Speaker 1: That you just need a little bit more sensitivity.

381
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 2: And then if you put yourself in that situation always,

382
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 2: that's what empathy is, is put yourself in that situation

383
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 2: and say.

384
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 3: What would I want somebody to say to me?

385
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:45,440
Speaker 1: Sure?

386
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 2: And the reality is sometimes like even you navigating this,

387
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 2: I'll just call it you and just talk to you.

388
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 3: Just just talk say hi, you know.

389
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,960
Speaker 2: What I'm saying, and just have a conversation about what

390
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 2: you're doing.

391
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 1: See if we can get some laughs, popping or whatever.

392
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,639
Speaker 2: We will crack some jokes or whatever, and then just

393
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 2: get off the phone instead of like, so, what you need?

394
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 3: What you know?

395
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 2: It's just one of those things that we were so

396
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 2: programmed to do. The thing which is like if you

397
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 2: need anything, and I bet you probably heard that a

398
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,639
Speaker 2: thousand times at the funeral, if you need anything, just

399
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 2: let me know.

400
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna let you know. It's just you're just

401
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 1: wasting words.

402
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 2: I'm not going to call you and say, hey, by

403
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 2: the way you said if I need anything, I'm homeing

404
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 2: right now to the house right make sure you get

405
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 2: four because my daughter's here right now, her husband here,

406
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 2: Go get four platesent Like, who's going to say that,

407
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. So at the end of

408
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 2: the day, it's just people just don't know, and they're

409
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 2: trying to show up.

410
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: They just don't.

411
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 1: But by the same token. If I could just jump

412
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 1: in and add this by the same token. God has

413
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 1: just shown me in such a beautiful, magnificent way. I

414
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,159
Speaker 1: started out by saying that village is very important. In

415
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 1: this season of my life. God has just surrounded me

416
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 1: with quality individuals that just show up. They show up

417
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: in places where sometimes there's a need, and sometimes it's

418
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 1: just their way of showing their affection and that they care.

419
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 1: And it's been very resemblance of what I was raised around.

420
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 1: You know, as I was raised in the hood in

421
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: Oak Cliff. When someone died on the block, the whole

422
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: block turned up. You know, the women in the neighborhood

423
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: would prepare meals and they take food to that person's home,

424
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,919
Speaker 1: and the men would show up. If there was a

425
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: woman that was being left by the husband, you know,

426
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: being deceased, those men would cut the yard. Those men

427
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 1: would make sure that the grass was watered. Those men.

428
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 1: If the house needed painting, those men would come together

429
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: and they would do hard labor to make sure that

430
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 1: that need, that felt need was met. And God has

431
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,199
Speaker 1: just beautifully given me a demonstration of that. In this

432
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: season of life. We've hardly we myself, my daughter, my son.

433
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 1: Our family have hardly paid for a meal for weeks now.

434
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,719
Speaker 1: I've hardly had an alone moment for weeks now because

435
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 1: our village has just shown up in such a magnificent way.

436
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:02,439
Speaker 1: It's just God's way. I know. It is of saying,

437
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 1: I know that this is a new normal. I know

438
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,919
Speaker 1: that this is a tremendous burden, a tremendous way that

439
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: you're navigating. But I got you another thing that they

440
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 1: used to do in the hood.

441
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 2: You know, I'm throw it off. Is there get airbrush shirts?

442
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 2: Would you had want of airbrush shirts? To call face

443
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 2: on the on the shirt? You know what I'm saying,

444
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:20,240
Speaker 2: take you back to Oak Cliff.

445
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: I think I'm good. I'm good with the air but

446
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: you ain't. Like I remember some of those walk around

447
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:31,919
Speaker 1: whatever in our hearts.

448
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 2: Walking around with all the shirts everybody was, but it

449
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 2: felt like that's how you have to you.

450
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: Know, shirt at the shirt.

451
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 3: You you got to have the shirt. That's what made

452
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:45,160
Speaker 3: it official.

453
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 2: Is there a time where you feel like but you

454
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 2: do want to be alone, that you have people around

455
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 2: you all the time, You like, gosh, can people just

456
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: let me just breathe for.

457
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 3: Like two days?

458
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 1: It's interesting you asked that I was at my sister's

459
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 1: and shout out to my sister Brenda, who just totally

460
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,679
Speaker 1: opened her home to me and my adult children, her

461
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 1: niece and nephew and our extended family. Four weeks and

462
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,399
Speaker 1: it was open ended. But there became a time a

463
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 1: few weeks ago, I woke up one morning, I sat

464
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 1: onside the bed and I heard the Holy Spirit as

465
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: clearly as I'm speaking to you, and he said, Cassie,

466
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:30,359
Speaker 1: face it. Because prior to that time everything had pretty

467
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 1: much been a blur. I was going through it. I

468
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: was navigating, but honestly I was just existing through it.

469
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 1: I wasn't really allowing my heart to really feel it

470
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: and face it. And I asked God, I said face it,

471
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 1: and God said go home. And I just remember just sobbing.

472
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:54,400
Speaker 1: I mean, just like a heavy, gut wrenching cry. And

473
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: I feared in that moment. I feared what would that

474
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 1: be like? How would I manage with absolutely no one

475
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,719
Speaker 1: in the house. And just the gravity of that was

476
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: just too much to handle. And I sat there for

477
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: some time just crying and weeping. And when I was done,

478
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: just like a good father, It's almost like God tapped

479
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: me on the should and said I'm still here, go home.

480
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: I took the balance of the day to gather my things.

481
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: Didn't realize how I had moved into my sisters stuff everywhere.

482
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,959
Speaker 2: So put this in context. How many how long were

483
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 2: you there?

484
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 1: I was at my sisters for two weeks, two weeks

485
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 1: closer to three weeks. In fact, it was heading into

486
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 1: three weeks that I was at my sister's and so

487
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: I gathered my things fast forward. When I pulled into

488
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 1: the driveway, I was a wreck. In fact, I couldn't

489
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: hardly get my face clear to pull into the garage.

490
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:02,560
Speaker 1: I mean, it just emptied me because I just felt

491
00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 1: the coldness of that driveway. I never felt turning into

492
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: my driveway feeling cold like I felt it that day.

493
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: I managed to get in, get in the garage. I

494
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: may have set in the car for about half an

495
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 1: hour just dreading it. Got out, got in the house,

496
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I'm gonna do this. I

497
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: walked in and I have a strong spring on my

498
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: garage door, so when the door slammed, it startled me

499
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: and I just stood there like immobilized. It felt like

500
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 1: I was paralyzed, like my legs were like a thousand pounds,

501
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 1: and every step of the way, I'm literally having to

502
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 1: coach myself into being in this space with absolutely no one.

503
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: And it had been my obedience to God and my choice,

504
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,520
Speaker 1: because remind you, my village was calling me the whole time,

505
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: texting me you are right, You're not by yourself, and

506
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,719
Speaker 1: I'm not answering them because I have to do this

507
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: face it. I get to the kitchen. I have a

508
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 1: large island in the kitchen, and I remember leaning over

509
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: the island, just kind of resting my hands there, and

510
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 1: I asked, God, why did you send me back? And

511
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 1: God answered me, God said, because you need to face this.

512
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: Some struggles and trials can only be conquered by facing

513
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 1: it and going through it. And I had become a

514
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 1: master at getting around because I've been getting around Carl's

515
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: sickness for a year and a half. It wasn't until

516
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: that night, alone in the house, filling the cold of

517
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 1: every room, knowing that Karl was not in his favorite chair,

518
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: but yet he was everywhere. It was not a wall

519
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 1: that I could turn to where I didn't see my husband.

520
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: It wasn't a piece of furniture that I could sit

521
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 1: on or pass by what I'd seeing. He was everywhere

522
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:25,400
Speaker 1: in the house and yet he was nowhere. What a dichotomy.

523
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: So how am I to navigate this moment by moment?

524
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: My mother said something to me once. She said, baby girl,

525
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: sometimes you only have faith for the step you're standing on.

526
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 3: God about.

527
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 1: La Terras. In that moment, I only had faith for

528
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: that step that I was standing on. I may have

529
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: stayed a up to four am, afraid to go to sleep.

530
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 1: By four am, my body just won and I woke

531
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: up about nine and I woke up. I had wet

532
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 1: my pillow and I said, I made it. I made it.

533
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: In that moment, it was as if I had won

534
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: the lottery because I made it. So then I was

535
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 1: confronted with, okay, it's the next day. I can just

536
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 1: go back to my sisters. I don't have to stay here,

537
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,520
Speaker 1: and I challenged myself. I said, I'm going to see

538
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: if I can make it through the week. I made it.

539
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: About that third day, it was getting heavy and my

540
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: Besty call said I'm checking on you. Said okay, she said,

541
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: I'm coming, but got it looking guilty. Of looking guilty,

542
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: she just showed up. And it was good because that

543
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 1: afforded me my voice. I could talk about it, and

544
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: I had someone to hear me and to listen. And

545
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: it couldn't have been anyone else, because anybody else would

546
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: have been interjecting. She just sat, She was just a

547
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: sounding bore. She just listened, and I was able to

548
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 1: get it out because the terras. I hadn't spoken of

549
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: it in a year and a half. I had just

550
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: been navigating my husband's decline. What did it feel like

551
00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 1: laying in that bed for the first time. It felt

552
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: like torture because it was a letting go and an

553
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: embracing at the same time. I was letting go of

554
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 1: everything that I knew, that I loved, that I had

555
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 1: banked on, that I had set my mind on, that

556
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 1: I was confident in, that I was certain of all

557
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 1: of the things that Carl was and that I believed

558
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: in and that I hoped for, and that I built

559
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: a life on. I had to let that go. But

560
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 1: then I had to embrace a will to do what

561
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:49,000
Speaker 1: I said. See, I may call a promise. God gave

562
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 1: us time. My husband declined over a year and a half,

563
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 1: and we talked about all the things, all the hypothetical situations,

564
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:00,719
Speaker 1: all the scenarios, ask all the hardcore questions and had

565
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: the hard conversations, and in the very end, I mean

566
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: the very end, he said to me, Cassie, what I

567
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: want for you is you are full of life and

568
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 1: full of love. You have a lot of love to give.

569
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: You are still full of life. I want your heart

570
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,360
Speaker 1: to love again. I said, no, we're going to change

571
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 1: the subject. I don't hear that. Let's just talk about

572
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:28,360
Speaker 1: something else, and he refused. He was very, very descript

573
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 1: and very adamant about the fact that his wish for

574
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 1: me was that I go on living. So I'm lying

575
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: there in this torture of letting him go, but I'm

576
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: forced to face my decision. And my promise to him

577
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 1: was that I would live. That's the torture because I'm crying.

578
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: I have this anguish going on. But I got this reminder.

579
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: But you gave your word that you were not going

580
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: to just lay here and be depressed. Your word to him,

581
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 1: your vow to him was that you would live. And

582
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: then came God. Everything I said prior to then came

583
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:17,200
Speaker 1: God was my flesh, dealing with my flesh. Then came

584
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: my surrender, my truth surrender. Well, then God helped me

585
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 1: give me the strength to keep my vow to live

586
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 1: and not just lay here, because the temptation was or

587
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 1: I could just cover on up, just lay in his

588
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: bed all week.

589
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:44,959
Speaker 3: Y'all took vows.

590
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 2: At the start of your marriage till death do we part,

591
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 2: And here was a vow that y'all took as he

592
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 2: was declining, and death do you start?

593
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 3: And God just spoke that to me.

594
00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 2: It's like to live, start to imagine your life without them,

595
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 2: which it has to be the most tortuous thing to

596
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 2: ever do.

597
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 3: And to actually feel like.

598
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 2: You're forsaking him by like you want me to move on?

599
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 2: Like what are you saying that you move on and

600
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 2: be happy without you? That's a that's a conundrum that

601
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,080
Speaker 2: I'm in right now. That doesn't resonate with my spirit.

602
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 2: And it's like to hear you say that in the

603
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:32,280
Speaker 2: juxtaposition between moving on but maintaining the memories is something

604
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 2: that like I'll never sit here, and like I understand

605
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 2: how that is, I just don't. It's even the reason

606
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,399
Speaker 2: why I asked about the bed situation because a lot

607
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 2: of people, in their singleness, they lay in that bed

608
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 2: and they go I can't wait till I have somebody

609
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:50,480
Speaker 2: laying on that side of the bed with me and

610
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 2: they that's the goal. I remember my first Dear future

611
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 2: wifey letter I wrote, and this is before I ever

612
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 2: did the podcast. It was a letter I put on Facebook.

613
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 2: I said, as I lay in my queen size bed,

614
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 2: it's a stark reminder that my queen is missing.

615
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: And so me as a man land in that bed.

616
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:11,719
Speaker 2: I knew that that space over there was missing, and

617
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 2: now here it is. You've had that for thirty three years,

618
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 2: and now you're in the same position where you're looking

619
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,319
Speaker 2: and going, my king is missing. Yeah, It's like, I

620
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 2: don't even know what that feels like. I remember doing

621
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 2: an episode where Judge Lynn told her and Judge Lynn

622
00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,319
Speaker 2: she was grieving out loud on social media and just

623
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 2: letting people go through that journey. But the day I

624
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 2: flew out to Phoenix, Arizona to shoot her episode, on

625
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 2: her kitchen table was all of her late husband's clothes.

626
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 2: Her his sister, which was her sister in love, came

627
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 2: to travel and said, you got to get rid of

628
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,880
Speaker 2: these clothes. You can't this two years later, you got

629
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 2: to get rid of these clothes, And they were all

630
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 2: on the kitchen table and I walked in and I

631
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 2: was like wow, And then she was like, yeah, my

632
00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 2: sister and law came down here to get this stuff out.

633
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,279
Speaker 2: After I left, I called her and I said, was

634
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 2: the task completed? She said no, I couldn't let her

635
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 2: get rid of those clothes. So the sister flew all

636
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 2: the way in to clean out the closet and that

637
00:37:20,760 --> 00:37:23,440
Speaker 2: trip was wasted because it didn't it didn't happen. And

638
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: so those are the different stages that I've never even

639
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,920
Speaker 2: thought of about how hard is it to pack up

640
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 2: the belongings of the lates spouse and be like where

641
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 2: do I do I go donate it? Do I say, hey,

642
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,799
Speaker 2: what family member? Do y'all want to just piece mill it?

643
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 2: What do you want? Do you want this old jacket

644
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 2: that he had in the military? Like what does that

645
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 2: look like?

646
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:42,040
Speaker 3: You know?

647
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 2: And it's like all those processes are moments of grief

648
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:50,319
Speaker 2: of letting go. Where are you at even in that

649
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,280
Speaker 2: mindset you just finally made it back to the house.

650
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 2: Have you when you walk into y'all's closet do you

651
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 2: feel a bit of torture when you sit in the

652
00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 2: closet and see his clothes and you smell it, you know,

653
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:02,320
Speaker 2: in the closet.

654
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 3: What does that do to you internally?

655
00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: Well, He's everywhere, and the smallest thing can remind me

656
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: of him, and the greatest thing can remind me of him.

657
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 1: It could be a song, it could be a scent,

658
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 1: it could be a sock. It could be his shoes,

659
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 1: it could be his clothes, It could be the closet,

660
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: it could be the pantry, his favorite thing to eat.

661
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: When he would go and just stand at the pantry

662
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: and I would complain about why are you just standing

663
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: there with the door hanging open? And he would stand

664
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 1: in the refrigerator with the door hanging open, deciding what

665
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 1: he wanted to eat. It's all those things. Yeah, But

666
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: what I'm finding is that God is giving me a

667
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: supernatural grace, and it's moment by moment by moment by moment.

668
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 1: I have started packing his things. I haven't completed it,

669
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 1: but I made the start because what keeps me moving

670
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 1: is that I invited God in. I wrestle with the flesh.

671
00:38:57,840 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: So I'm being very transparent. It hasn't all been from

672
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: day one, God, your will be done. That's a lie. Yeah,

673
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,760
Speaker 1: It's been a lot of flesh. It's been a lot

674
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: of sadness. It's been a range of emotions. But I

675
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 1: invited God into all of it. And that night, lying

676
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: in that bed, I said, then God help me. So

677
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,640
Speaker 1: God answered me, and God said, well, then I'll help you.

678
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 1: And when I arrive at the end of myself what

679
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: I'm capable of doing, every time he picks me up

680
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: like a loving father, He carries me. He gives me

681
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: strategy as to how to do and what to do.

682
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 1: What I've decided and what I've learned about my part

683
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 1: of this journey, this part of the journey that I'm in,

684
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: excuse me, is that I do better in the mornings

685
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: than I do at night. And so I've made a

686
00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: goal for myself to try to get as much of

687
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: the project done in the mornings as possible, and at

688
00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: night give myself a break, give myself permission to just

689
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,919
Speaker 1: sit in how wherever the wave comes in, not try

690
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 1: to predict it, not try to manage it, not try

691
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 1: to control how far it goes and for how long

692
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,320
Speaker 1: I'm crying, but to just accept it as it comes.

693
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:16,799
Speaker 1: Because I'm reminded of the fact that me asking God

694
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: to help, see, here's a misconception. When we say God

695
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 1: help me, God doesn't come to enhance. God comes to

696
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 1: take a thing over. So any time we invite God

697
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:31,439
Speaker 1: into anything, baby, he comes to handle it. And when

698
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 1: you really really desire for God to come in and

699
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 1: help you, what you're really saying is God take it. Yes,

700
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: God handle it. Yes, God take control of it. But

701
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,600
Speaker 1: then on the other side of that, because he's a

702
00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 1: gentleman and he acts with the act of our will,

703
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: we got to let it. And I'm now in the

704
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 1: face because of community, because of village. I can't get

705
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 1: away from that tonight. I'm now in the place of

706
00:40:56,560 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: letting God handle it because I have the right people

707
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,759
Speaker 1: in my space. Divine alignment is important when you're going

708
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: through grief. I have the right people in my space

709
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 1: to remind me, since God got it, you don't have

710
00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 1: to carry that by yourself. You don't have to have

711
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 1: the answer to that. Let God do it.

712
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:23,880
Speaker 2: And when did that? When did the moment of Cassie

713
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: handling it? When did the transfer of responsibility take place?

714
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 1: I think that next morning, that first night was a

715
00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: rough night. I think I was like, you know, who

716
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: was at it? In the word had the thorn I

717
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: think I wrestled with that thing through the night. So

718
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 1: for me, it was like the breaking of day, if

719
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 1: you would, like, right around about eight or so. I

720
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,879
Speaker 1: think I slept to like about nine. But about eight

721
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: I felt, even in my sleep, I felt like a lifting.

722
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,320
Speaker 1: I felt that there was a shift, there was something

723
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: transforming within me. I didn't have the fullness of it

724
00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: until that next day, just kind of going throughout the house,

725
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 1: working throughout the house, you know, you know, watering the plants,

726
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 1: getting things. These people had sent so many floral arrangements

727
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: and some of them have been left outside, and so

728
00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,000
Speaker 1: you know, getting that in and just kind of handling

729
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: the house that I literally let go. I felt it

730
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: within me that I was letting go.

731
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 2: Did you feel any type of guilt packing up the

732
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 2: first thing, when you start packing stuff up, did you

733
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:25,520
Speaker 2: feel any guilt?

734
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: Oh, tremendous, tremendous. I felt in a sense that I

735
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 1: was kind of betraying the memory of him, or trying

736
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 1: to hurry his memory away. And that was also, I mean,

737
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:42,280
Speaker 1: the enemy gets in there when we're in transition. You know, transition.

738
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: To think about transition is that you're in and in

739
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 1: between space. You're not where you were, but you're certainly

740
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: not where you're going. And the enemy knows that. And

741
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 1: that's a very very vulnerable space to be in because

742
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 1: you're in between. You're in between destinations. You're in between

743
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 1: where you started and where you're going to. You're in between,

744
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:01,960
Speaker 1: I mean, where you were and where you're about to be.

745
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: And the enemy knows that. If I can, if I

746
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 1: can get her, if I have a chance at getting her,

747
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 1: I need to get her in this space right here,

748
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 1: because this is where it's critical for her to make

749
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: a wrong decision.

750
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,320
Speaker 3: Cassy, you preaching right now, No, I want you.

751
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 2: I want you to keep on talking about that in

752
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:23,280
Speaker 2: between because it's some people single right now that they're faithing,

753
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 2: they're believing God now. They ain't what they used to

754
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 2: be back in the day. They ain't making these unwise

755
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 2: decisions with how they dated in the past. They're in

756
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,840
Speaker 2: this in between states. They know that God says, my

757
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 2: husband is right around the corner. I want you to

758
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 2: speak to that single man, that single woman about how

759
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 2: to manage this in between stage.

760
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 1: Well, I can only speak out of my business, I

761
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 1: coined that little phrase. I can only speak to you

762
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,799
Speaker 1: out of who I am. And what I did was

763
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 1: I learned how to praise God while I was waiting.

764
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: I learned that there was power in the wait. Sometimes

765
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: the greatest revelation is while you're waiting, not when you

766
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,880
Speaker 1: arrive at your destination. Sometimes the greatest impact is while

767
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: you're believing for that thing. Sometimes the greatest download you'll

768
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,720
Speaker 1: ever get from God is while you are believing. Sometimes

769
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: God will settle you. Sometimes God will steady you while

770
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: you're believing with the revelation of what He has prepared

771
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: for you. But if you spend all of your in

772
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: between time lamenting where you were or hoping for what

773
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,240
Speaker 1: is unknown and what is yet to come, you're missing

774
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: what's happening in the moment. Yes, I just learned to

775
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: live in the moments. There's a phrase that's going around

776
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: on social media that says, while you're waiting on God

777
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 1: to open the door, praise him in the hallway. I've

778
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 1: learned to be grateful, I say all the time. Gratitude

779
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 1: is my garment. It's my garment. I drape myself in gratitude.

780
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: You know we're so big. La terius to this end,

781
00:44:57,560 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 1: asking God, what is your will for me? What is

782
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,680
Speaker 1: your will? For he laid it out in the word.

783
00:45:02,719 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: In everything, give thanks for this is the will of

784
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 1: God in Christ Jesus concerning you, teach even in between,

785
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:16,359
Speaker 1: in the in between moments, in the transitional moments, in

786
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: that period of waiting God, I still thank you. I

787
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 1: thank you for those things that you have sheltered me from.

788
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:25,800
Speaker 1: I thank you for what you delivered me from, because

789
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 1: that was in my past was not for my good.

790
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 1: And I thank you for what you are preparing for

791
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,040
Speaker 1: me that I know not of, but because I trust you,

792
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 1: I know it's for my good. It's in the moment.

793
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,280
Speaker 1: Give him thanks in the moment. Why are you still waiting?

794
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,839
Speaker 1: And here's the last thing I want to say about that.

795
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 1: Sometimes the weight is designed to protect you some things.

796
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 1: If God were to allow it as quickly as you

797
00:45:53,120 --> 00:46:00,280
Speaker 1: desire it, it would consume you. I've lived that. One's

798
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 1: got to give you exactly what you want in the

799
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 1: time that you ask for it, exactly the way you

800
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 1: ask for it, and it'll utterly destroy you. Yes, And

801
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 1: I believe in doing so, God is teaching you a

802
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 1: lesson about timing and trust. Either you trust me or

803
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:22,399
Speaker 1: you don't. Either you believe me or you don't, and

804
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:26,399
Speaker 1: if you don't, then here's one result. And if you do,

805
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 1: then I lay out my promise to you. What has

806
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: God spoken to you in this season about what his

807
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 1: plans are for you. It's a little heavy and kind

808
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 1: of scary. Actually, Karl and I were building over thirty

809
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: six years together, thirty three years married. We were building

810
00:46:56,680 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: something and God said to me, your eyes will behold it.

811
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 1: What you were in the process of will manifest. You'll

812
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 1: see it, you'll touch it, you'll live it, you'll experience it.

813
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:27,080
Speaker 1: And it's scary. That's a little scary, wow, because it's

814
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 1: so big. I've asked God for some things. They're not

815
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: little things. I've asked God for some things because my

816
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 1: heart is to really make an impact. That really is

817
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 1: my heart. It really is my heart, and I know

818
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: in order to do that I need some things manifested.

819
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 3: You feel like.

820
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 2: In the first vision of this, of course, you probably

821
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 2: visualize call been alongside of you with the manifestation of

822
00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 2: the things that you ask God for.

823
00:48:08,719 --> 00:48:10,800
Speaker 3: How are you reconciling that in your mind?

824
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 2: Knowing that you may be single, you may remarry, but

825
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 2: the person that you had that vision that forecasting with

826
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:24,440
Speaker 2: is no longer here and now it's another unknown with

827
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 2: the unknown.

828
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 3: How have you reconciled that.

829
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 1: I'm not doing very well at that one? You know me,

830
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 1: I'm transparent, I'm honest. I'm just not doing very well

831
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 1: at that one. Because you know, when you love someone

832
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 1: as completely as I loved my husband, it was just

833
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 1: a completion to that love. There were no perforations and

834
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,480
Speaker 1: our love, I love had been tested and had been

835
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:54,919
Speaker 1: trying to be true. It wasn't perfect, but God had

836
00:48:55,800 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: so built up and reinforced what we had, and it

837
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 1: was because we learned how to base it on proper love,

838
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 1: which is a biblical foundation. So I couldn't even fathom

839
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 1: the manifestation with anyone else and I still can't. And

840
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 1: I think that is the journey that I am on.

841
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 1: I believe God will lead me in this journey to

842
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:25,799
Speaker 1: an epiphany and to a revelation. But I'm not doing well, yeah,

843
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: because I don't desire that to be anyone else.

844
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 3: And see, I know that would be my problem.

845
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 2: That's the reason why I could ask those questions because

846
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 2: everything that I prayed for, everything that even this podcast,

847
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 2: this podcast was birth Dear Future Wifey, It wasn't dear

848
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 2: future Latis. It was dear future wifey. So everything, every

849
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:49,120
Speaker 2: conversation that I've had is pushing me towards the manifestation

850
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 2: of this woman. Then I marry this woman and not

851
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 2: knowing how many years I have with this person, whether

852
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 2: it's me, where whether she experienced a loss of me

853
00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 2: or I experienced a loss of her, and to know

854
00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 2: there's certain things that I know that God is going

855
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:09,240
Speaker 2: to grant me through covenant that if either that changes,

856
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 2: then I'm sitting there like, well, hold on, now, this

857
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 2: wasn't a part of my plan. My plan was with

858
00:50:14,719 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 2: this person. I said to that, do we part. I

859
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 2: want to grow old like you were saying, like, there's

860
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:23,439
Speaker 2: nothing inside of me that can reconcile me not being

861
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,359
Speaker 2: eighty ninety years old sitting on the porch. I'll say

862
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 2: that all the time. I say that on the podcast.

863
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:29,840
Speaker 2: I said, me and my future wife, We're going to

864
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:31,839
Speaker 2: be old and gray, sitting on the porch and rock

865
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,799
Speaker 2: and chair, sip and lemonade. That is a vision that

866
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:37,400
Speaker 2: I have in my mind. So then the undo that

867
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:41,959
Speaker 2: where I pass away at an age as not eighty

868
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 2: ninety something years old, then it's like hold on, God,

869
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 2: I'm sitting up there like, hold on, my God, did

870
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 2: you not read my notes? And my notes I was

871
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:49,920
Speaker 2: supposed to be this, you know what I'm saying, And

872
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 2: so that's why.

873
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 3: And then God told me how to deal with this.

874
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:54,719
Speaker 2: A lot of people on my podcasts know that I've

875
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 2: been transparent about the fear that I used to have

876
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 2: with being made and then losing the love of my life.

877
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 2: And then I've been able to tackle that fear by

878
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 2: saying no, God doesn't give us a spirit of fear.

879
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:11,759
Speaker 2: And so I'm having this conversation with you as well

880
00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 2: to be able to say no, don't be fearful of it.

881
00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:17,520
Speaker 2: Understand the value of the days and the minutes you

882
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 2: get with that person so that you're maximizing your moment

883
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:25,800
Speaker 2: with that person. So you're not handling it. You're have

884
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:30,239
Speaker 2: hazardly handling that relationship. Every day's not promised. Treat that

885
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 2: as a as an honor that you get a chance

886
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,120
Speaker 2: to spend. When you talk about the garment of gratitude,

887
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: to be able to carry that to be like, I

888
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 2: am gracious that God has giving us another day to

889
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:43,839
Speaker 2: wake up with each other. This conversation that we're having

890
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 2: right now I'm going to carry it for the rest

891
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:50,760
Speaker 2: of my life because I'm sitting across from a grieving

892
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:53,480
Speaker 2: and I know you don't like this word widower, but

893
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 2: you're a widow. You're literally in this space, and so

894
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 2: I have to always understand that, Hey, listen Laterius, the

895
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:06,720
Speaker 2: wife that God has given you, honor her every single day.

896
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 2: And another thing that spoke to me at the homegoing

897
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:13,359
Speaker 2: service was how well people spoke of Karl.

898
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 3: When I said, that is.

899
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 2: Goals, you know, and and and they said that I

900
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 2: forgot who stood up there that said, we don't have

901
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:25,480
Speaker 2: to lie. Like a lot of a lot of funerals,

902
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 2: you'd be like, what can I say about this rascal?

903
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 2: We got to make up something. He was a good man.

904
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:32,839
Speaker 2: Everybody like you know, you lying? He ain't never been

905
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:33,319
Speaker 2: a good man?

906
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:34,439
Speaker 3: Right well?

907
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 1: He that was my brother, y'all know. Y'all know he was.

908
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,760
Speaker 2: He was who he was. You know, he's gotta find

909
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 2: ways to say it. Everybody spoke about him. But what

910
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 2: everybody said that I love so much was how much

911
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 2: he loved you?

912
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 3: Like that?

913
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 2: That's it, though, dirt on my coughing, that's what I

914
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 2: want to go out. That is me doing My big

915
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,000
Speaker 2: one as a student of love is to be able

916
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,319
Speaker 2: to say, because I say this all the time when

917
00:53:04,360 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 2: people invite me on their platforms and they say, we

918
00:53:06,920 --> 00:53:08,879
Speaker 2: have this relationship expertly tell I said, hold on, I ain't.

919
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 3: No, I ain't no expert. Now, don't throw that on me.

920
00:53:11,719 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 3: I am not that.

921
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 2: And then I've said the only person that can deem

922
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:17,839
Speaker 2: me with that title is my future wife. He after

923
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 2: being loved by me properly, that's what you said early,

924
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 2: proper love, been loved by me properly after several years,

925
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,720
Speaker 2: that's who can say, Oh, he he is an expert

926
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,319
Speaker 2: on love and everybody ain't gonna experience that.

927
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 3: You know, she will experience that.

928
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 2: And what I heard when I say when I shed tears,

929
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:40,520
Speaker 2: was when I heard how well call loved you. And

930
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:42,600
Speaker 2: I was sitting I was like, God, that's what I want.

931
00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:45,280
Speaker 2: My wife's that's what I want. I want I want

932
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 2: that that that weilling that Cassie just did. I want

933
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:53,280
Speaker 2: her to do that, and I feel it into heavens

934
00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:56,319
Speaker 2: where I go, Wow, she was loved well by me,

935
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 2: and it's a loss, not somebody like old.

936
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:01,720
Speaker 1: I'm glad out the way. Shoot, now I can finally

937
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:02,399
Speaker 1: find somebody else.

938
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:02,879
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying.

939
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 2: It's people that I've heard that they spoused leave and

940
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 2: they like, thank you.

941
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:09,720
Speaker 3: I got a sigh of relief.

942
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 2: This person was hell on wheels for the last ten

943
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:13,800
Speaker 2: years of my life.

944
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 3: I don't want that.

945
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,520
Speaker 2: I want somebody to be able to say, no, I've

946
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 2: experienced a great loss. But that's what I love about

947
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 2: call is that he loved you well. Wasn't always like that?

948
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 2: Was he always loving you well? Even in your immaturity?

949
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 2: Y'all got married, you were in your late twenties. Did

950
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 2: you believe that that was being love well back then?

951
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:39,319
Speaker 1: I believe that Carl dated me well, and so I

952
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:43,319
Speaker 1: believe that the preface of love was in place, and

953
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:46,719
Speaker 1: the preface is what really wooed me. The fact that

954
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 1: he dated me well gave me confidence that he could

955
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 1: love me well. And I can truly say this man

956
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 1: loved me well from day one. Not perfect, but well.

957
00:54:59,400 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 3: Yeah.

958
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: And he said something to me while dating me. He says,

959
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:09,439
Speaker 1: I'll promise you this that I will empty myself of

960
00:55:09,520 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 1: everything I have to make you happy the terrace. As

961
00:55:16,239 --> 00:55:22,200
Speaker 1: sad as I am that my soulmate is not here

962
00:55:22,280 --> 00:55:30,280
Speaker 1: with me as much as my heart grieves his absence,

963
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: as heavy as the weight of that gets and trusts me.

964
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: I'm strong right now on this camera, but I have

965
00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:41,279
Speaker 1: moments and they can come without warning where I am

966
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:49,240
Speaker 1: just rendered absolutely wrong. However, I can, with absolute certainty

967
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:53,840
Speaker 1: and assurance tell you that Karl Robertson left the face

968
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:59,240
Speaker 1: of this planet absolutely empty. That man emptied every ounce,

969
00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 1: every fiber of love in him into me. And I

970
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 1: can say with absolute certainty that standing over my husband declining,

971
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 1: leaving out of this life, literally singing and praying him

972
00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:18,680
Speaker 1: over as he transitioned, I emptied myself of every fiber

973
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:21,920
Speaker 1: of love I had in my heart for him. I

974
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 1: gave it. Carl had the best doctors, Carl had the

975
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 1: best hospitals, He had the best nurses, the best texts.

976
00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:33,280
Speaker 1: Karl went to the best rehab facilities. When his health

977
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 1: declined to where he needed to go to a different facility.

978
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:41,480
Speaker 1: I chose the absolute best our insurance could cover, and

979
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: what they couldn't cover, I made up for on my own,

980
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:48,719
Speaker 1: because he deserved every ounce of love and care that

981
00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:51,520
Speaker 1: I had in me. Because that's exactly what I had.

982
00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 1: For thirty three years, we emptied ourselves for one another

983
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 1: and sleep at night even though it's hard, knowing that

984
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:06,520
Speaker 1: I did everything I could for my husband and that

985
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 1: man did everything he could for me. Emptied myself empty.

986
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 3: He said, I'm going to empty myself.

987
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 1: That's what he said to me while dating me. And

988
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:26,000
Speaker 1: at first I was like, that's a good line. I

989
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 1: wonder where you were. Who did he hear that from

990
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: empty myself? Oh? That sounds really good. But then words

991
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 1: become power Yes when their reality. Yes, he lived it,

992
00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 1: he did it, and so did I, and so did I.

993
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 1: I live to care for that man. You know. I've

994
00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:57,439
Speaker 1: heard people say when the spouse becomes ill, the other

995
00:57:57,520 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 1: that's the caregiver. I've heard them say, you just give

996
00:57:59,840 --> 00:58:04,439
Speaker 1: up your whole life. I don't feel like I gave

997
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 1: up my life. I feel like my life changed. I

998
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: feel like there was a change of roles in my life.

999
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,640
Speaker 1: I was no longer just his spouse, his lover, his friend,

1000
00:58:16,720 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 1: his confidante. I became his caregiver. But it wasn't like

1001
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 1: all on, I gotta take care of my husband. It

1002
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,520
Speaker 1: was like, I get to take care of my husband.

1003
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: It was my privilege, it was my joy, It was my.

1004
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 2: Honor, good Lord, Cassie Jesus, I get to take care

1005
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:37,240
Speaker 2: of my husband.

1006
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was happy to do it.

1007
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:53,400
Speaker 3: When I say this.

1008
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 2: To teach people how to choose, because when I say,

1009
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:02,960
Speaker 2: we be choosing people just so poorly, you know what

1010
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 2: I'm saying.

1011
00:59:03,520 --> 00:59:04,000
Speaker 1: It's like.

1012
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:11,720
Speaker 2: The scripture says, charm is deceptive and beauty doesn't last,

1013
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,040
Speaker 2: but a woman who fears and reverences God is greatly

1014
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 2: to be praised. When we really understand the magnitude the

1015
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:25,400
Speaker 2: gravity of that scripture, you wouldn't just be swiping on

1016
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 2: these dating apps and ooh she fine, that's gonna be

1017
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:29,120
Speaker 2: my wifey.

1018
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,840
Speaker 1: Ooh she fine. On Instagram, Ooh that's wifey right there.

1019
00:59:32,680 --> 00:59:35,560
Speaker 2: Because you find it got a big booty that qualifies

1020
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 2: her as being your wifey. But the minute you get sick,

1021
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 2: she like, ain't been take care of you. You better

1022
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,200
Speaker 2: go get with these home help people. That ain't. That

1023
00:59:43,440 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 2: ain't what I signed up for. I've seen a real

1024
00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 2: that some woman said that about a husband, like I

1025
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,400
Speaker 2: didn't sign up all that, you know what I'm saying.

1026
00:59:52,440 --> 00:59:54,600
Speaker 2: And I was like, you didn't sign up for that.

1027
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:57,040
Speaker 2: That is the very vow that you took. Unless y'all

1028
00:59:57,080 --> 00:59:59,760
Speaker 2: wrote your own vowel, but you wrote in the val

1029
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 2: says through sickness and in health that was a value

1030
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 2: to it. He's like, I ain't gonna be doing all that.

1031
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:07,560
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna be wiping you up behind you. I'm

1032
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:12,439
Speaker 2: not doing that. And it greeves my heart that men leave.

1033
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 2: I have friends that are nurses. They said, you be,

1034
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 2: you have no idea about how many men leave their

1035
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 2: wives in the hospital when they're fighting terminal illness.

1036
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 3: And they're like, I can't do all that. I can't.

1037
01:00:26,080 --> 01:00:28,600
Speaker 1: But you know, well, the terraces what you're saying, it's

1038
01:00:28,640 --> 01:00:32,360
Speaker 1: absolutely true. I wish that I could say that I

1039
01:00:32,440 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: don't know, you know scenarios or couples where this has happened,

1040
01:00:36,200 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 1: but unfortunately I know several. But here's the thing. I

1041
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:44,040
Speaker 1: think we need to factor in the dating space. While

1042
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 1: you're so preoccupied with the snatchways and the big behind

1043
01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:52,000
Speaker 1: you know, and you know you big here, you know,

1044
01:00:52,040 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 1: while you're so preoccupied with all of that, have that

1045
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:58,280
Speaker 1: conversation in the dating space. So then what does this

1046
01:00:58,400 --> 01:01:01,200
Speaker 1: look like if I become terminally ill? What if this

1047
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,800
Speaker 1: looks like if life happens. I'm in a car wreck,

1048
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 1: it renders me paralyzed. What does it look like when

1049
01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:10,360
Speaker 1: worse becomes worse? Not just from better to worse, but

1050
01:01:10,400 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 1: when worse becomes worse? What does that look like for you?

1051
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:18,800
Speaker 1: And I? So, if I am sick to the point

1052
01:01:18,840 --> 01:01:24,000
Speaker 1: where I'm paralyzed, I'm a paraplegic. I'm now in a wheelchair.

1053
01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:26,920
Speaker 1: I can do very little for myself. Many would call

1054
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:30,520
Speaker 1: me in a vegetated state. Is that your exit or

1055
01:01:30,560 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 1: do you stay? Those are the real conversations that most

1056
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 1: people dating don't think to have talk about it.

1057
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 3: Because they don't want to be negative.

1058
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:42,960
Speaker 1: They don't want to put that out there in the

1059
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:46,800
Speaker 1: quote unquote universe. But that's real life absolutely. So what

1060
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 1: happens is you build a marriage on shallow ground. That

1061
01:01:52,440 --> 01:01:57,120
Speaker 1: part so when real life happens, you don't have any foundation,

1062
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: and so that shallow ground. Just to send a rates

1063
01:02:01,280 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 1: and I have friends who have been together in marriage

1064
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:10,200
Speaker 1: because remember, length doesn't mean strength. The amount of years

1065
01:02:10,240 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 1: that you've been married doesn't necessarily mean you've had a

1066
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,440
Speaker 1: strong marriage for that many years. I know people that

1067
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 1: have been married for twenty five years and miserable twenty four.

1068
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:22,320
Speaker 1: You just got healed a year ago. But you've been

1069
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 1: in this twenty five years, So at what point do

1070
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:32,000
Speaker 1: you factor in where you stand in the event of

1071
01:02:32,040 --> 01:02:35,760
Speaker 1: life happening? And if you don't talk about it in

1072
01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 1: the dating space, it's not too late in the first

1073
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:42,479
Speaker 1: few years of marriage. At some point, educate yourself, take

1074
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:44,360
Speaker 1: responsibility for your own learning.

1075
01:02:52,400 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 3: How's your daughter doing, how your kids doing?

1076
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 1: They're navigating? I think my kids have shown me a

1077
01:02:58,840 --> 01:03:02,480
Speaker 1: strength that I didn't realize. Say had to be really honest.

1078
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 1: You know, when you're raising your children, you pour your

1079
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:07,480
Speaker 1: heart and your soul into them, and you hope for

1080
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:09,720
Speaker 1: the best. You pray that they're gonna use it and

1081
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 1: that they're they're taking it and they're being sponges of

1082
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:16,680
Speaker 1: all the good and the constructive. But when you see

1083
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 1: it walked out before you, it's very humbling. I saw

1084
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:24,720
Speaker 1: my son stand in stature and strength that I never

1085
01:03:24,760 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 1: knew he had. I saw my daughter be strong for

1086
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,120
Speaker 1: me in ways that I didn't think she was capable of.

1087
01:03:31,160 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 1: And then I saw her show up for herself in

1088
01:03:34,480 --> 01:03:36,560
Speaker 1: ways that I didn't even think she was equipped to.

1089
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:43,520
Speaker 1: Because God is their foundation and he's making the difference

1090
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:46,120
Speaker 1: in how they're navigating this, and then I just allow

1091
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:50,160
Speaker 1: them the freedom to not be well. It's okay to

1092
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:55,560
Speaker 1: not be okay. And I think the issue is me

1093
01:03:55,800 --> 01:04:00,360
Speaker 1: pulling myself back to not try to fix them. Yeah,

1094
01:04:00,560 --> 01:04:01,440
Speaker 1: not being okay.

1095
01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:05,080
Speaker 2: You know, it just hit me. They got the privilege

1096
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:08,720
Speaker 2: to at least have their father at their weddings.

1097
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:10,600
Speaker 1: He did both of them.

1098
01:04:10,480 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 2: Both of them, because your son got married, well last

1099
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 2: year with a couple.

1100
01:04:13,680 --> 01:04:15,520
Speaker 1: Five years five years ago, five years now.

1101
01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 2: So Camille got who got married, first son, the son

1102
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:21,160
Speaker 2: got married and then Camille.

1103
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:23,400
Speaker 3: So he got a chance to walk his daughter down.

1104
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:25,480
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, and meet both his grandbabies.

1105
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 3: You see what I'm saying?

1106
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks, and everything go.

1107
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,800
Speaker 3: Well. You're looking good, just sounding good.

1108
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 2: I can't wait to just see the next iteration of

1109
01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,959
Speaker 2: your life. What God is going to do. He's done

1110
01:04:46,960 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 2: some amazing things through your life. I'm only I'm only

1111
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 2: known you married, so I don't even know whose single

1112
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:54,000
Speaker 2: Castie is.

1113
01:04:54,240 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, I don't even know who

1114
01:04:56,400 --> 01:04:56,840
Speaker 1: she is.

1115
01:04:57,240 --> 01:04:59,240
Speaker 2: You don't even know who she is because this is

1116
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:04,560
Speaker 2: a different era of your life. Yeah, what else would

1117
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:07,360
Speaker 2: you like to share before we conclude what may be

1118
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:07,919
Speaker 2: on your heart.

1119
01:05:10,240 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 1: Just that if you are grieving a spouse, a child,

1120
01:05:15,360 --> 01:05:20,000
Speaker 1: a parent, a friend, a cousin and aunt whomever, allow

1121
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:24,200
Speaker 1: yourself the space and time to process and to heal

1122
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:30,520
Speaker 1: before you go back full fledg into your life. Can

1123
01:05:30,560 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: you speak to married couples right now? I can remember

1124
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:41,120
Speaker 1: your vowels. We stand at altars, we stand before judges,

1125
01:05:41,880 --> 01:05:45,000
Speaker 1: we stand in homes, and we declare our love to

1126
01:05:45,040 --> 01:05:47,880
Speaker 1: one another that I will love you forever. I love

1127
01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:49,760
Speaker 1: you with my whole heart. I love you with all

1128
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:54,360
Speaker 1: that I have. And initially it sounds good, but when

1129
01:05:54,400 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 1: life hits, remember your vowels, not just to the other individual,

1130
01:05:59,800 --> 01:06:03,520
Speaker 1: but as unto God. Carl and I vow to love

1131
01:06:03,560 --> 01:06:06,439
Speaker 1: one another to the very end, unto God. And I'm

1132
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 1: gonna tell you, as strong as that love is that

1133
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 1: we had for one another, nothing prepared me for holding

1134
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:17,040
Speaker 1: my husband's warm hand and that warm hand growing cold.

1135
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:21,880
Speaker 1: But it's a satisfaction that I'll take to my grave,

1136
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 1: and knowing that till the very end, I kept my vow.

1137
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:32,800
Speaker 2: You know, I was joking with you and said that

1138
01:06:32,840 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 2: you never say, and it just proved that people go,

1139
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:37,840
Speaker 2: look at this whole episode. You never said not one time.

1140
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,600
Speaker 2: I'm jealous. No, you did not. I'm telling you. I

1141
01:06:40,640 --> 01:06:43,840
Speaker 2: was waiting on it. I'm halfway listening to you because

1142
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:45,440
Speaker 2: I'm like, when she's gonna say, I told you never

1143
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:48,360
Speaker 2: say uh, you never say oh, you are a professional

1144
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 2: public speaker. You never say watch you're gonna watch. You

1145
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,200
Speaker 2: gonna be like I didn't say it. I'm telling you,

1146
01:06:55,040 --> 01:06:57,400
Speaker 2: I don't know how you got like that, but just

1147
01:06:57,640 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 2: I'm jealous. I was like, oh, listen that. She still

1148
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 2: ain't never said it. Yeah, you're you notice that because

1149
01:07:05,160 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 2: I want to. I want to remove the ums out

1150
01:07:07,080 --> 01:07:09,000
Speaker 2: of my my my vocabulary.

1151
01:07:09,120 --> 01:07:12,160
Speaker 1: I think you're very fluid, amazing. I slide with the umb,

1152
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:13,560
Speaker 1: I make it sound like a word.

1153
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:17,160
Speaker 2: Like so as you just not just keep on talking,

1154
01:07:17,240 --> 01:07:20,600
Speaker 2: but you just you're very It's like every word has

1155
01:07:20,640 --> 01:07:23,280
Speaker 2: a place and it's just so eloquent. And I'd be like,

1156
01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 2: I was listening to you the whole time. I'm going like,

1157
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 2: you don't say like, you don't say, you don't say

1158
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:29,800
Speaker 2: feel of words, you don't say none of that. You

1159
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:33,440
Speaker 2: don't notice that if you listen to yourself everything, I

1160
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:35,920
Speaker 2: could have a sound bite out of just everything.

1161
01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 3: You're so easy to edit, so I could just go

1162
01:07:39,480 --> 01:07:40,000
Speaker 3: and here's a.

1163
01:07:40,040 --> 01:07:43,240
Speaker 2: Thought, and then here's a thought, and every every thought

1164
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 2: is just well placed. It's amazing. So yeah, it's great.

1165
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:50,240
Speaker 2: So that's what you do well. In my mind, Rihanna

1166
01:07:50,440 --> 01:07:54,960
Speaker 2: right told you. She don't be saying, yes, recorded all this,

1167
01:07:55,040 --> 01:08:00,760
Speaker 2: you can talk. It's my podcast. Yeah, uh, this is

1168
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:01,840
Speaker 2: what you don't know.

1169
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:02,800
Speaker 1: We call.

1170
01:08:04,560 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 3: Paplay. So it says that she's.

1171
01:08:11,440 --> 01:08:19,960
Speaker 1: Just yeah, that's like a computer.

1172
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:24,759
Speaker 2: That's true, that's how you talk. I'm like, that is

1173
01:08:25,200 --> 01:08:27,639
Speaker 2: and it's a very notice book. I'm like, she's very eloquent.

1174
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:31,000
Speaker 2: I'm like, I want to do that one day. Man,

1175
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 2: you you're the bomb.

1176
01:08:32,320 --> 01:08:34,840
Speaker 3: Well, listen, how can we support you? What you got

1177
01:08:34,840 --> 01:08:35,160
Speaker 3: going on?

1178
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:36,800
Speaker 2: Last time you just here, we just we we used

1179
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:38,320
Speaker 2: to start buying up a whole lot of Uh.

1180
01:08:38,439 --> 01:08:42,040
Speaker 1: I took the chicken salad down for a little bit.

1181
01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:48,160
Speaker 1: But I'm finally pretty close to finishing my book. I've

1182
01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:51,360
Speaker 1: been writing just, uh, the story of my life and

1183
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:55,080
Speaker 1: and certainly you know, the chapters of Carl and I

1184
01:08:55,160 --> 01:08:57,360
Speaker 1: were all throughout, but just the story of my life.

1185
01:08:57,439 --> 01:08:59,479
Speaker 1: God has just done some miraculous things over the course

1186
01:08:59,520 --> 01:09:02,360
Speaker 1: of my life and delivered me from a lot that

1187
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:04,599
Speaker 1: I believe will help a lot of people.

1188
01:09:04,680 --> 01:09:06,599
Speaker 2: Well, when you get fish right and you come right

1189
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:08,479
Speaker 2: back on to this Yellow Couch so we can promote

1190
01:09:08,479 --> 01:09:13,000
Speaker 2: it and the book sales. So yeah, definitely, definitely. I

1191
01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:16,519
Speaker 2: bet that book is going to be rich. He's gonna

1192
01:09:16,520 --> 01:09:20,960
Speaker 2: be loaded. Well, listen, I still want some chicken salad.

1193
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:23,280
Speaker 3: So you can.

1194
01:09:23,120 --> 01:09:27,760
Speaker 2: Get some chicken salad. It's just available to the general salad.

1195
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:29,799
Speaker 2: Y'all don't even understand what I'm talking about. That smoked

1196
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:33,000
Speaker 2: chicken salad. Oh Jesus, it is good. I'm gonna make

1197
01:09:33,080 --> 01:09:33,799
Speaker 2: us say.

1198
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 1: Man, thank you, Hey man.

1199
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:38,360
Speaker 2: I felt that in my son or I heard I

1200
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:42,160
Speaker 2: felt that in my spirit right there, listen, thank you

1201
01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:44,759
Speaker 2: so much for blessing Yellow Couch. Thank you for sharing

1202
01:09:44,760 --> 01:09:49,800
Speaker 2: your story. Yeah, I know stuff like this. It's uncomfortable

1203
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:53,400
Speaker 2: for me to have a conversation this close to a loss, But.

1204
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 3: I thank God that I have you to be able.

1205
01:09:58,240 --> 01:10:01,559
Speaker 2: To say, hey, I trust this this sacred space to

1206
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:04,960
Speaker 2: share this because you have no idea how many people

1207
01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:07,599
Speaker 2: are going to be blessed by the story. They're going

1208
01:10:07,640 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 2: to just be like, You're going to be helping people

1209
01:10:10,120 --> 01:10:14,479
Speaker 2: walk through their grief process. Something that you said in

1210
01:10:14,520 --> 01:10:17,200
Speaker 2: the episode may help them go box up the close,

1211
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:20,639
Speaker 2: It may help them. Let me ask you this before

1212
01:10:20,680 --> 01:10:24,240
Speaker 2: I conclude, is that your wedding ring on it is?

1213
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:25,519
Speaker 3: I just.

1214
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:30,000
Speaker 1: That's going to make you cry a little, but I'm

1215
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:37,200
Speaker 1: going to get through it. It was a life mission

1216
01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:42,439
Speaker 1: for Karl to upgrade my ring. And we had come

1217
01:10:42,479 --> 01:10:46,880
Speaker 1: into a bit of a windfall financially, and some things

1218
01:10:46,920 --> 01:10:48,640
Speaker 1: happened in his health and we ended up having to

1219
01:10:48,640 --> 01:10:54,200
Speaker 1: spend out a lot of that elsewhere and he saved.

1220
01:10:54,360 --> 01:10:58,880
Speaker 1: He worked over time and heart and he saved. And

1221
01:10:58,960 --> 01:11:01,280
Speaker 1: it was a life mission for him to upgrade my ring.

1222
01:11:02,400 --> 01:11:06,160
Speaker 1: And it just feels like a betrayal to remove it

1223
01:11:06,880 --> 01:11:11,120
Speaker 1: right now. I don't know when that will happen, and

1224
01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:16,280
Speaker 1: when that will come, I'm not in a hurry. This

1225
01:11:16,320 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 1: is just one way that he's very close to me.

1226
01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:21,759
Speaker 1: It's good, Yeah, that's good.

1227
01:11:22,439 --> 01:11:24,280
Speaker 3: That's beautiful. Make it a necklace?

1228
01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:27,799
Speaker 1: Well what I also a wear this whether it matches

1229
01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:32,400
Speaker 1: anything or not. Carl was a very simple man. This

1230
01:11:32,479 --> 01:11:36,880
Speaker 1: is his wedding band and this just gold man and

1231
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:38,960
Speaker 1: he was a very simple man. I try to upgrade

1232
01:11:39,000 --> 01:11:42,200
Speaker 1: this logold band. Oh my god, it was my nemesis.

1233
01:11:42,800 --> 01:11:45,840
Speaker 1: I was like, honey, I'll just get you like you know,

1234
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:48,960
Speaker 1: a chrome, when I'll give you, you know, something black. I'm

1235
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:52,320
Speaker 1: my goodness, please just let me know. He loved a

1236
01:11:52,360 --> 01:11:57,320
Speaker 1: gold band, and when he transitioned and the funeral directors

1237
01:11:57,360 --> 01:12:00,760
Speaker 1: came to get him, I realized, oh my god, I

1238
01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:03,760
Speaker 1: did not get his gold band. So when I went

1239
01:12:03,800 --> 01:12:06,439
Speaker 1: there to make arrangements, the first thing out of my

1240
01:12:06,479 --> 01:12:10,559
Speaker 1: mouth was, I need my husband's band. They said, it's okay.

1241
01:12:11,120 --> 01:12:14,000
Speaker 1: We checked it in. It was in the safe, and

1242
01:12:14,040 --> 01:12:17,640
Speaker 1: it's like when they went to get it and I

1243
01:12:17,760 --> 01:12:21,080
Speaker 1: put it around my necklace, it was just like a

1244
01:12:21,120 --> 01:12:25,680
Speaker 1: resolve in me that, okay, I can get through this now.

1245
01:12:25,680 --> 01:12:30,320
Speaker 1: I can't really tell you much about anything else following

1246
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:34,360
Speaker 1: that meeting and then that time there, but just having

1247
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:37,960
Speaker 1: it and having it close to me is just that

1248
01:12:38,160 --> 01:12:42,679
Speaker 1: reminder of the simplicity of who he was. But yet

1249
01:12:42,960 --> 01:12:47,240
Speaker 1: he was extremely profound, one of the most brilliant minds

1250
01:12:47,280 --> 01:12:50,400
Speaker 1: I've ever encountered. But he was so comfortable with no

1251
01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:54,400
Speaker 1: light on his face. He was never under any drest

1252
01:12:54,479 --> 01:12:59,760
Speaker 1: to prove himself to anybody. Was often the most confident

1253
01:13:00,080 --> 01:13:03,519
Speaker 1: and the most prepared and the most capable in the

1254
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:10,760
Speaker 1: room and was content that no one knew it. It's like,

1255
01:13:10,880 --> 01:13:14,000
Speaker 1: how do you do that? You have so much knowledge

1256
01:13:14,479 --> 01:13:22,840
Speaker 1: and never saw the light? Kay? This simplicity, right, you said?

1257
01:13:22,880 --> 01:13:27,120
Speaker 1: Can I please, don't you change my rights? Adamant about it? No, ma'am,

1258
01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:27,960
Speaker 1: I'm good.

1259
01:13:29,680 --> 01:13:32,200
Speaker 2: Because that one is blinging on your finger. It's a

1260
01:13:32,360 --> 01:13:34,040
Speaker 2: whole house on your finger.

1261
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:38,719
Speaker 3: Lord God, deal.

1262
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:44,120
Speaker 2: With honey, good Lord. Yeah, that'd be very hard to

1263
01:13:44,200 --> 01:13:47,320
Speaker 2: part with you. Just yeah, in your own time and

1264
01:13:47,479 --> 01:13:50,800
Speaker 2: do what you do. How can people follow you?

1265
01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:54,599
Speaker 1: You can follow me on Instagram, I'm on TikTok, I'm

1266
01:13:54,640 --> 01:13:58,400
Speaker 1: on Facebook, Assundra music on all of those, or just

1267
01:13:58,479 --> 01:14:02,400
Speaker 1: my name I think on TikTok, but under music on

1268
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:06,400
Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook send me friend requests.

1269
01:14:05,920 --> 01:14:08,799
Speaker 2: And y'all don't know. Maybe y'all your first time seeing

1270
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:11,760
Speaker 2: on the podcast. She can sing, so hopefully she starts

1271
01:14:11,800 --> 01:14:15,080
Speaker 2: doing a whole lot more of that again. But yeah,

1272
01:14:15,200 --> 01:14:18,800
Speaker 2: she yeah, she's a she's a worshiper, she's a songstress.

1273
01:14:20,040 --> 01:14:23,559
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, yes, stop yourself.

1274
01:14:23,800 --> 01:14:24,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, I ain't gonna do it.

1275
01:14:24,880 --> 01:14:26,400
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna do it because she can't never be

1276
01:14:26,439 --> 01:14:29,920
Speaker 2: in my presence without us I'm gonna try to be nice.

1277
01:14:31,120 --> 01:14:36,639
Speaker 3: Christ is my favorite foundation, little rock.

1278
01:14:38,920 --> 01:14:39,760
Speaker 1: Or you're just gonna singing.

1279
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:45,840
Speaker 2: But yeah, you just said earlier you was talking about

1280
01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:48,639
Speaker 2: the foundation thing that that was in my spirit. You're

1281
01:14:48,680 --> 01:14:51,160
Speaker 2: tired in. I'm gonna let it go. God bless you guys.

1282
01:14:51,160 --> 01:14:54,040
Speaker 2: See y'all, y'all just see on social media and worship

1283
01:14:54,040 --> 01:14:55,120
Speaker 2: with her. Y'all be blessed.

1284
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:58,200
Speaker 1: You are a mass.

1285
01:14:58,600 --> 01:15:00,720
Speaker 3: Stay tuned to the end for a letter to my

1286
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:01,360
Speaker 3: future wife.

1287
01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:04,720
Speaker 1: Writing these love letters you.

1288
01:15:08,920 --> 01:15:14,040
Speaker 2: Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective services In twenty fifteen,

1289
01:15:14,680 --> 01:15:20,120
Speaker 2: my nephew, black a boy, the likelihood have been adopted outside.

1290
01:15:19,720 --> 01:15:21,880
Speaker 3: Of kinship slim to none?

1291
01:15:22,560 --> 01:15:27,679
Speaker 2: Rmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with five years

1292
01:15:27,680 --> 01:15:30,200
Speaker 2: in the Falster care system before I even knew his name.

1293
01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,000
Speaker 2: The likelihood have ever been adopted?

1294
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:36,320
Speaker 3: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

1295
01:15:37,840 --> 01:15:40,840
Speaker 2: While Ladarian and OURMIONI were trying to survive and barely

1296
01:15:40,920 --> 01:15:44,360
Speaker 2: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system, I

1297
01:15:44,439 --> 01:15:47,760
Speaker 2: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been

1298
01:15:47,800 --> 01:15:50,000
Speaker 2: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1299
01:15:50,040 --> 01:15:52,439
Speaker 2: was doing well in college. It was my time to

1300
01:15:52,479 --> 01:15:59,040
Speaker 2: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

1301
01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:03,360
Speaker 2: There are just two many of our black children stuck

1302
01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:07,120
Speaker 2: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falter care system.

1303
01:16:07,640 --> 01:16:10,719
Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladaria.

1304
01:16:11,360 --> 01:16:12,679
Speaker 3: Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

1305
01:16:12,720 --> 01:16:14,880
Speaker 2: I had no ties to this other young king, but

1306
01:16:14,920 --> 01:16:17,519
Speaker 2: I felt God instructed me to adopt them also in

1307
01:16:17,560 --> 01:16:21,639
Speaker 2: il bate. Starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right,

1308
01:16:21,680 --> 01:16:24,479
Speaker 2: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

1309
01:16:24,479 --> 01:16:27,600
Speaker 2: bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the

1310
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:32,080
Speaker 2: Falster care system should have decreased My agitation. Right joined

1311
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:35,120
Speaker 2: the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization

1312
01:16:35,200 --> 01:16:38,360
Speaker 2: that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false

1313
01:16:38,479 --> 01:16:40,679
Speaker 2: care should have led to some type of resolve.

1314
01:16:40,760 --> 01:16:40,960
Speaker 3: Right.

1315
01:16:41,320 --> 01:16:45,439
Speaker 2: No, not at all. None of it felt like I

1316
01:16:45,520 --> 01:16:50,040
Speaker 2: had done enough. I now realized that every one of

1317
01:16:50,080 --> 01:16:54,240
Speaker 2: those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

1318
01:16:55,160 --> 01:16:56,040
Speaker 3: Kingdom Royal.

1319
01:16:56,920 --> 01:16:59,639
Speaker 2: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

1320
01:16:59,640 --> 01:17:02,840
Speaker 2: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

1321
01:17:02,880 --> 01:17:05,920
Speaker 2: the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize the whole

1322
01:17:05,960 --> 01:17:10,600
Speaker 2: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for themselves,

1323
01:17:10,800 --> 01:17:15,000
Speaker 2: and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options that

1324
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:19,639
Speaker 2: they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will attend

1325
01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:22,320
Speaker 2: the local public schools that are in proximity the King

1326
01:17:22,400 --> 01:17:26,160
Speaker 2: of Royale, our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview

1327
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:30,160
Speaker 2: through participating in the arts, attending various cultural events, learning

1328
01:17:30,240 --> 01:17:34,479
Speaker 2: about and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and

1329
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:39,240
Speaker 2: even relevant historical contexts, Introducing them to gardening and landscaping,

1330
01:17:39,320 --> 01:17:42,600
Speaker 2: and even caring for our animals on our form and

1331
01:17:42,720 --> 01:17:47,040
Speaker 2: on site stables. We just launched our startup capital campaign

1332
01:17:47,320 --> 01:17:49,479
Speaker 2: with the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.

1333
01:17:49,520 --> 01:17:50,960
Speaker 3: Now why two point eight million dollars?

1334
01:17:51,800 --> 01:17:51,960
Speaker 1: Well.

1335
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 2: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

1336
01:17:54,400 --> 01:17:58,320
Speaker 2: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

1337
01:17:58,560 --> 01:18:00,840
Speaker 2: One of the most notable successes was that one of

1338
01:18:00,840 --> 01:18:06,120
Speaker 2: the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,

1339
01:18:06,439 --> 01:18:08,639
Speaker 2: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise

1340
01:18:08,680 --> 01:18:12,040
Speaker 2: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable

1341
01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:16,280
Speaker 2: plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years, with

1342
01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:19,960
Speaker 2: much remorse, I reflect and I'm not maximizing that moment.

1343
01:18:20,040 --> 01:18:21,200
Speaker 1: I knew if at that.

1344
01:18:21,280 --> 01:18:24,479
Speaker 2: Time just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar,

1345
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:28,160
Speaker 2: we would have raised at least two point eight million

1346
01:18:28,200 --> 01:18:31,080
Speaker 2: dollars that could have really established long term support for

1347
01:18:31,120 --> 01:18:34,360
Speaker 2: the homeless community, or at least started a long term

1348
01:18:34,360 --> 01:18:39,000
Speaker 2: initiative to do so. This is my do over, this

1349
01:18:39,160 --> 01:18:42,639
Speaker 2: is our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at

1350
01:18:42,680 --> 01:18:46,840
Speaker 2: the root by specifically helping our homeless Black boys who

1351
01:18:47,000 --> 01:18:51,480
Speaker 2: are already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system.

1352
01:18:52,000 --> 01:18:53,240
Speaker 3: I'm a terisar Wickfield.

1353
01:18:53,240 --> 01:18:56,639
Speaker 2: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work

1354
01:18:56,680 --> 01:18:59,639
Speaker 2: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

1355
01:19:00,200 --> 01:19:04,639
Speaker 2: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

1356
01:19:04,760 --> 01:19:10,479
Speaker 2: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit kingdomoryal dot

1357
01:19:10,479 --> 01:19:14,120
Speaker 2: com for more details, Crown a King and make a

1358
01:19:14,160 --> 01:19:27,000
Speaker 2: donation today. Man, I hope y'all found value in that episode. Gosh,

1359
01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:30,920
Speaker 2: that was so powerful. This letter is short and sweet.

1360
01:19:32,240 --> 01:19:36,800
Speaker 2: Dear future wifey with you, every minute will matter. I'll

1361
01:19:36,800 --> 01:19:39,599
Speaker 2: empty myself for selfishness pride and fear.

1362
01:19:40,160 --> 01:19:42,400
Speaker 3: I'll love you fiercely, laugh.

1363
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:45,680
Speaker 2: With you often, and hold you close because life is

1364
01:19:45,760 --> 01:19:51,240
Speaker 2: but a vapor Until my final breath, it's you till death.

1365
01:19:51,680 --> 01:19:55,120
Speaker 3: Do us part, your future healthy.

1366
01:19:55,560 --> 01:19:57,960
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future

1367
01:19:57,960 --> 01:20:02,960
Speaker 2: Wife podcast. Remember be lit to live intentionally and transparently,

1368
01:20:03,439 --> 01:20:04,400
Speaker 2: and don't stop loving.

1369
01:20:04,840 --> 01:20:07,160
Speaker 1: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife you

1370
01:20:07,160 --> 01:20:07,920
Speaker 1: YouTube channels.

1371
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:08,840
Speaker 3: We're available on.

1372
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:11,519
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

1373
01:20:11,760 --> 01:20:12,839
Speaker 3: We welcome your support.

1374
01:20:13,080 --> 01:20:15,360
Speaker 1: Simply share our podcasts with your friends and family.