1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:02,480
Speaker 1: I said, why wouldn't I say certain stuff. It's not

2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,080
Speaker 1: landing like it should land, She said, tells you, not me.

3
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,440
Speaker 1: God say stuff. She said, I've heard it all from guys.

4
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:09,600
Speaker 1: God say a whole lot of stuff, but nobody has

5
00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:11,520
Speaker 1: produced a ring yet. And I said, if you don't

6
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,600
Speaker 1: have a ring on your finger by September the first,

7
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,040
Speaker 1: then block me, because that means I was another guy.

8
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,960
Speaker 2: That played with you and wasted your time.

9
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,040
Speaker 1: This woman set up a Google calendar request said block

10
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:23,880
Speaker 1: La Terras by September the first, and invited me to

11
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:24,759
Speaker 1: the calendar request.

12
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,680
Speaker 3: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you for the first

13
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:32,159
Speaker 3: time on this podcast, mister and missus La Terra's wit Phil.

14
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,960
Speaker 3: I'm going to just rip off the band aid and

15
00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,600
Speaker 3: ask the question that everybody's asking.

16
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:39,280
Speaker 4: Girl, how was the sex.

17
00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:42,840
Speaker 2: Moderator of this conversation?

18
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,000
Speaker 1: This is my personal therapist and our pre engagement therapist

19
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,560
Speaker 1: as well as going to be our mayriage counselor Love

20
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:50,599
Speaker 1: mac Pherson.

21
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,440
Speaker 3: Oh, it is such an od of you. All people

22
00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:56,000
Speaker 3: will think, oh, she's new to this. No, you have

23
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,760
Speaker 3: been behind the scenes in this industry for how many years?

24
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,160
Speaker 5: Twelve years working.

25
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,880
Speaker 6: With a lot of big brands and a lot of

26
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,800
Speaker 6: big artists, and so I always said, I love that

27
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:07,360
Speaker 6: for them.

28
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,080
Speaker 5: I love that they get that attention.

29
00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:12,959
Speaker 6: I'm really good at supporting them and making sure that

30
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,240
Speaker 6: they look great when they sit here. And so it's

31
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:20,960
Speaker 6: funny how God works. I spent the first part of

32
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:25,320
Speaker 6: my life working very hard, and that made me really happy.

33
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,399
Speaker 6: I accomplished things that I never thought were possible.

34
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 5: But if I'm.

35
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,920
Speaker 6: Honest, the thing that I wanted the most was family.

36
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,920
Speaker 6: God had told me a few months prior, he said,

37
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,400
Speaker 6: the reason I'm making you wait for your husband is

38
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,760
Speaker 6: because your husband has a big calling over his life.

39
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,280
Speaker 2: Imagine her telling me that.

40
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,959
Speaker 1: And I said, but the guys that she was dating

41
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:48,560
Speaker 1: didn't seem to be match this description. But I ain't

42
00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,600
Speaker 1: gonna hate. And I said, all right, I'm gonna help

43
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:53,120
Speaker 1: you find your partner. We did a live that people

44
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,640
Speaker 1: have been finding It's like this is when they first

45
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,880
Speaker 1: had their first connection. It was funny on the live

46
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,600
Speaker 1: and she said, I hope you're successful and doing this

47
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,559
Speaker 1: so that me and my husband can then come join

48
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,520
Speaker 1: you on the Yellow Cow.

49
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,079
Speaker 4: Oh and look at you all today on the Yellow Cow.

50
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:09,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

51
00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:13,480
Speaker 3: That aged well, And before you saw him, he saw you.

52
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,080
Speaker 4: So the terrorists want to talk about that.

53
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,400
Speaker 1: What started as a search for understanding became a journey

54
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,320
Speaker 1: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to

55
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 1: this day, the day I got married November the twenty second,

56
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,360
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five.

57
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:39,119
Speaker 6: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how long.

58
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:39,880
Speaker 5: I'll love you.

59
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,040
Speaker 6: Those lyrics echo through every fiber of my soul at

60
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,160
Speaker 6: the very thought of you.

61
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:50,200
Speaker 1: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

62
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,640
Speaker 1: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are

63
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,560
Speaker 1: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition

64
00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,200
Speaker 1: of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be.

65
00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:02,799
Speaker 5: And you are the.

66
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:08,360
Speaker 6: Reward, the blessing given after endurance, the gift promised to

67
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,919
Speaker 6: those who refuse to faint.

68
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:15,400
Speaker 1: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

69
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:17,320
Speaker 2: I'm a Terrasaar.

70
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:21,000
Speaker 5: Whitfield and I'm Ashley R. Whitfield. Welcome to the future.

71
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,360
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Dear Future Wifie podcast. I'm your host

72
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,440
Speaker 1: of Terra Sar Wifield. Listen, are you still shacking up

73
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:32,640
Speaker 1: with us? If you're still shacking up with us, come on.

74
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,200
Speaker 1: Can we get a commitment? This is season eleven.

75
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:35,960
Speaker 2: What are you doing?

76
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:40,080
Speaker 1: Make a commitment and subscribe. I'm so excited to be

77
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:44,839
Speaker 1: kicking off season eleven with the woman who all these

78
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:50,000
Speaker 1: letters were written to, written about, written for, my lovely wife.

79
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,560
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Dear Future WIFEI Podcast. My new co host,

80
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,520
Speaker 1: Ashley are Goodfield.

81
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,320
Speaker 5: How you doing, Queen, I'm amazing. I'm so happy to

82
00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:58,920
Speaker 5: be here with you.

83
00:03:59,000 --> 00:03:59,920
Speaker 2: Ready, are you nervous?

84
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:00,800
Speaker 5: A little bit?

85
00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,560
Speaker 2: A little bit, a little bit cy Astley.

86
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 1: She's not the type that wants the public spotlight, and

87
00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:08,400
Speaker 1: so y'all give her grace. This is going to be

88
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:13,760
Speaker 1: an amazing episode. And you know we're on the yellow couch.

89
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,720
Speaker 1: First of all, let's take a moment and well we'll

90
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,719
Speaker 1: cut to that later. We'll talk about this new set

91
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,640
Speaker 1: and I know you see this new set that we're

92
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:28,720
Speaker 1: sitting on, but I want to first introduce the moderator

93
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,520
Speaker 1: of this conversation, the person that will be the only

94
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,000
Speaker 1: person sitting in that new.

95
00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:34,920
Speaker 2: White chair that we have.

96
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:40,080
Speaker 1: This is my personal therapist and our pre engagement therapist

97
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,160
Speaker 1: as well as going to be our mayriorage counselor Love

98
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:44,200
Speaker 1: mac Pherson.

99
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,960
Speaker 3: Oh it is such a thought to you all. And

100
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,280
Speaker 3: I am not gonna get any makeup on this couch,

101
00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:50,520
Speaker 3: all right.

102
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,400
Speaker 2: I was supposed to put some Scots guard on it

103
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:53,960
Speaker 2: and get a chance to Oh.

104
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,000
Speaker 4: You should have done that.

105
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:58,000
Speaker 3: Okay, But I'm gonna be really, really careful because I

106
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,880
Speaker 3: am the only one who will get to sit at

107
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,159
Speaker 3: this seat. But you know what, this is not my

108
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 3: first honor. My first honor was when you all chose me,

109
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 3: and La Terras chose me. That was also an honor

110
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,240
Speaker 3: as well. And so I just want to create a

111
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,880
Speaker 3: safe space and then just kind of let you all

112
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,760
Speaker 3: know a few of the rules that I have to

113
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,480
Speaker 3: abide by. First of all, I know more about you

114
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,919
Speaker 3: all than anybody, and even some of the rumors and

115
00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,680
Speaker 3: myths and things like that, I'm like, oh no, that's

116
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,920
Speaker 3: not true. So but I cannot. You know, I am

117
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:34,160
Speaker 3: bound by confidentiality. So I'll take you, I'll ask questions,

118
00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:36,480
Speaker 3: you take me where you want to go. Okay, that's

119
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,279
Speaker 3: how we're going to do this thing. But I just

120
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:41,640
Speaker 3: know it's nothing high. So I'm looking forward to this conversation.

121
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,320
Speaker 1: Good good, There was no better person than you, Rihanna.

122
00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:47,200
Speaker 1: Can we just get a shot of this wide shot

123
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,800
Speaker 1: so they could just see how beautiful this set is.

124
00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:53,560
Speaker 1: This set was designed and built by my hombie, oh

125
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:57,359
Speaker 1: Keith Jackson of Deep Drama Design. He and his team

126
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,039
Speaker 1: designed this set, and he came in for the last

127
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,560
Speaker 1: four days and changed the podcast studio that I have

128
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:10,039
Speaker 1: for Dear Future Wifie podcasts to this amazing set. I

129
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,440
Speaker 1: also redesigned the logo. I want to bring something fresh

130
00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,320
Speaker 1: because God granted me with somebody beautiful and fresh, so

131
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:20,240
Speaker 1: I want to just rebrand the Dear Future Wifie podcast

132
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:24,080
Speaker 1: So everything that I've done is with intentionality so that

133
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:28,320
Speaker 1: you guys can continue to consume this content. And so

134
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,360
Speaker 1: shout out to my boy O'keith Jackson. He used to

135
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,360
Speaker 1: design all my sets for my national touring plays based

136
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 1: out of Detroit, so you know I don't gate keep.

137
00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:40,760
Speaker 1: So if you are looking to expand your podcast to

138
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:44,039
Speaker 1: a different level, from a different esthetic, than reach out

139
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,600
Speaker 1: to him. I'll have a link in the description to

140
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,480
Speaker 1: Deep Drama Design, So shout out to him. So love

141
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:51,400
Speaker 1: the balls in your court.

142
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,440
Speaker 4: You know I love the fact I love this set.

143
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:56,520
Speaker 3: First of all, it's so fitting that as you created

144
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,400
Speaker 3: a new home for Ashley, you create a new home

145
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,360
Speaker 3: for your podcast.

146
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,120
Speaker 6: I love that.

147
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,800
Speaker 3: Okay, So let's just first of all, just say it's

148
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,520
Speaker 3: been it looked like over five years for you being

149
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:11,520
Speaker 3: on the pursuit of a wife, which is excellent. Now,

150
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,280
Speaker 3: the way that you pursued LA terrorists and I'm coming

151
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,640
Speaker 3: to you astually, but the way that you pursued is

152
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:25,119
Speaker 3: rom com type of It is the glass slipper type

153
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,880
Speaker 3: of pursuit. Everybody wants to be pursued that way. I'm

154
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,560
Speaker 3: gonna take you on a journey through this podcast. I

155
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:35,720
Speaker 3: want to take you from single life to connecting. You know,

156
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,960
Speaker 3: first before we connect, seeing, then connecting because those are

157
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:44,280
Speaker 3: not the same, and then after that married. Okay, so

158
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,680
Speaker 3: we're gonna take four steps, but before we even go down,

159
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,040
Speaker 3: I'm gonna jump all the way ahead. I'm going to

160
00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:51,680
Speaker 3: just rip off the band aid and ask the question

161
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,239
Speaker 3: that everybody's asking, girl, how was the sex?

162
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:06,720
Speaker 1: Student of Love releases January thirteenth. But I want to

163
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,600
Speaker 1: share with you a voice memo I received via text

164
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:15,160
Speaker 1: from my friend Rachel Silver. Now always hire Rachel when

165
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,160
Speaker 1: I'm working on major projects to help me ide aid

166
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,960
Speaker 1: and organize my thoughts and ideas, and I did that

167
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,840
Speaker 1: with Student of Love, and she challenged me a lot

168
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,360
Speaker 1: with some of my thoughts and ideas.

169
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,720
Speaker 2: But listen, listen, listen, listen.

170
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,560
Speaker 4: To this, Hayley Terris.

171
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:35,760
Speaker 7: I'm super super excited because in a few weeks, I

172
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:40,040
Speaker 7: am going to be a married woman. And as I

173
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,040
Speaker 7: reflect not only just on the relationship that he and

174
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,800
Speaker 7: I have, but just over the last few years, how

175
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,120
Speaker 7: God has really placed people like you on my life

176
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:53,080
Speaker 7: to just help to bring forth new insight and new

177
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:57,920
Speaker 7: purpose and help to bring for growth. I've always known

178
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,760
Speaker 7: that we would create something that would pack the world,

179
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:04,160
Speaker 7: but I didn't always know that we would create something

180
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 7: that would impact my world. And so as we were

181
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,040
Speaker 7: working on our last project, as you were sharing your

182
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,280
Speaker 7: stories and sharing, you know, just about being a Student

183
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,960
Speaker 7: of Love and just about navigating this thing called love,

184
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,400
Speaker 7: it really allowed me to to gain new insight. It

185
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,080
Speaker 7: allowed me to process, not just internally, cause you know,

186
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,880
Speaker 7: I was processing verbally too, talking to you about things

187
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,679
Speaker 7: as well, and even when it wasn't about me, just

188
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,160
Speaker 7: really allowed that space.

189
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,240
Speaker 5: And I appreciate that.

190
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,000
Speaker 7: And even when I didn't agree with everything that you

191
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,199
Speaker 7: were saying, because I didn't let me not agree with

192
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:36,840
Speaker 7: a lot of it.

193
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:37,520
Speaker 5: But not all of it.

194
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,600
Speaker 7: I was still like, well, you know what, let me

195
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,400
Speaker 7: try this out. Let me see what this is like

196
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,280
Speaker 7: in real life. And so I got to try that

197
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:47,440
Speaker 7: out while I was dating. I was dating him, and

198
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,800
Speaker 7: I'm like, hey, I guess you know, maybe willing Terence

199
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,160
Speaker 7: is saying it's working a little bit because apparently I'm

200
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,280
Speaker 7: getting married in a.

201
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:55,920
Speaker 5: Couple of weeks.

202
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,319
Speaker 7: So it's just really been cool. And it's and call

203
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,559
Speaker 7: applying the things that God has given you in my life.

204
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,920
Speaker 7: And I'm just I just I'm just really grateful.

205
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,920
Speaker 2: What are you waiting on preorder this book?

206
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:11,120
Speaker 6: Now?

207
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,160
Speaker 3: No, no, no, we're gonna we're gonnare gonna come back to that. Okay,

208
00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:23,480
Speaker 3: they gonna say to the end, just because they want

209
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:24,360
Speaker 3: to know your answer.

210
00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,400
Speaker 4: All right, We're gonna come back to the end. But

211
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,800
Speaker 4: let's just go in the order that I just told you.

212
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:34,240
Speaker 8: Okay, all right, the first one is Chans.

213
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,320
Speaker 3: I just want to talk to you about the single life, okay,

214
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:41,440
Speaker 3: because it couldn't have been people see the pursuit. But

215
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:44,400
Speaker 3: what I know is that a lot of times people

216
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:50,000
Speaker 3: have unreasonable expectations of the emotions men particularly go through

217
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,560
Speaker 3: and when you look at how you have to put

218
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:57,360
Speaker 3: yourself in a position of rejection. It's very vulnerable to

219
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,640
Speaker 3: be out there and people know what you're searching for

220
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,680
Speaker 3: now and then to have to go through that sometimes

221
00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:07,000
Speaker 3: even publicly where you are. You know what did what

222
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,520
Speaker 3: was single life in the spot life for you?

223
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,360
Speaker 2: It was very interesting.

224
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,280
Speaker 1: I'm glad you opened up with that, because, yeah, everybody,

225
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,000
Speaker 1: I'm being vulnerable writing letters to my future wife here.

226
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,480
Speaker 1: I remember when I first started writing letters. It was

227
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,640
Speaker 1: on Facebook before I ever did the podcast. It was

228
00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,640
Speaker 1: three years before even launching the podcast. And a good

229
00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,280
Speaker 1: friend of mine, she'll probably hate that I'm saying this,

230
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,560
Speaker 1: but she was like, lateris that's lame. You're over here

231
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,160
Speaker 1: writing letters to your future wife. He likes, that's just lame.

232
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,120
Speaker 1: And I remember listening to that and saying, are people

233
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,400
Speaker 1: looking at me lame? Because I have a deep desire

234
00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:43,600
Speaker 1: to get married and I'm writing letters to this woman?

235
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,680
Speaker 2: And God said, what did I tell you do? I said, okay.

236
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,720
Speaker 1: So then when the Dear Future WiFi podcast came around

237
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,560
Speaker 1: and I said, I want to write letters to my

238
00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:55,400
Speaker 1: future wife at the end of each Episode's that thought

239
00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,959
Speaker 1: that she had said to me, saying that that may

240
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,199
Speaker 1: be perceived as lame. It hit me and I was like,

241
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,920
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and be vulnerable. And so with men,

242
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,880
Speaker 1: we're so programmed to be protected, protective over our hearts.

243
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,559
Speaker 2: But that's the first layer of vulnerability.

244
00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,400
Speaker 1: When you have the vision, the purpose, the desire that's

245
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,440
Speaker 1: in your heart to thine.

246
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,360
Speaker 2: Own self be true.

247
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,959
Speaker 1: So at the end of the day, I will always

248
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,440
Speaker 1: get rooted and grounded to the things that are in

249
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:19,840
Speaker 1: my heart.

250
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna show up authentically. This is just who I am.

251
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,520
Speaker 1: Whether some people look at his lame, some people may

252
00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:26,880
Speaker 1: look at it as performative, some people look at us whatever.

253
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,680
Speaker 1: I'm a very creative soul and so to be. On

254
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,240
Speaker 1: the Dear Future WIFEI podcast inviting people into my personal journey,

255
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,200
Speaker 1: it was very vulnerable.

256
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,319
Speaker 2: It was hard. I ran into stalkers along the.

257
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:41,679
Speaker 1: Way, people moving to Dallas buying for my affection, people

258
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,360
Speaker 1: sending letters to my pastor saying this is my husband,

259
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,240
Speaker 1: I need you to talk to them. People sending letters

260
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:49,720
Speaker 1: and gifts all in the mail.

261
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:50,360
Speaker 2: I mean.

262
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 1: It began to be really, really distracting, and so it

263
00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:56,640
Speaker 1: took a lot of prayer. It took a lot of prayer.

264
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,240
Speaker 1: You said something at the very beginning where being able

265
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,920
Speaker 1: to see, and so I had to get the odds

266
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,080
Speaker 1: of Christ and say, I want to be able to

267
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,800
Speaker 1: see and discern who my wife is because there's a

268
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,520
Speaker 1: lot of quote unquote opportunities. I don't look at it

269
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:12,280
Speaker 1: as options because I'm very specific in what I desire,

270
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,040
Speaker 1: but there were a lot of opportunities to get distracted.

271
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:21,120
Speaker 3: You know when you say that if you have always

272
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:25,440
Speaker 3: kind of been this guy who was I don't want

273
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,520
Speaker 3: to use the word fixated, but you kind of like

274
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:32,280
Speaker 3: you loved loved, you love romance since a boy I

275
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,760
Speaker 3: did you wanted just ye, you.

276
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:39,400
Speaker 1: Talked about that even in our counseling sessions. But yeah,

277
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,440
Speaker 1: I always want to treat my mom right. So I

278
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,959
Speaker 1: watched how my dad wasn't the best husband, and so

279
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,280
Speaker 1: I used to find myself supplementing the love that he

280
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,560
Speaker 1: didn't give her. And so I used to tell my

281
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,040
Speaker 1: mom at a young age, I'm gonna take care of you,

282
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:59,120
Speaker 1: not even thinking that that's what her husband is supposed

283
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 1: to do. I should be making vows like that to

284
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,280
Speaker 1: my mom, to say I'm gonna take care of you

285
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,679
Speaker 1: when she I didn't grow up with a single you know,

286
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:09,640
Speaker 1: parent like that, and so I remember always wanting to

287
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,000
Speaker 1: take care of my mom, buy her clothes, make sure

288
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,920
Speaker 1: that she's looking beautiful. Even to this very day, you know,

289
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,680
Speaker 1: I take care of my mom. I told my mom

290
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,240
Speaker 1: about what is a now since twenty seventeen, I said,

291
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,600
Speaker 1: you'll never have to worry about paying another bill, and

292
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,280
Speaker 1: so I said, I'll take care of you.

293
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,320
Speaker 2: And it got hard.

294
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,200
Speaker 1: It was times where I couldn't even pay my own bills,

295
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,920
Speaker 1: but I made sure that I took care of my mom.

296
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,520
Speaker 1: And so I've always been a hopeful romantic, whether it

297
00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,400
Speaker 1: was caring for my mom or when God blessed me

298
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,840
Speaker 1: with my daughter Lutia at the age of eighteen, was

299
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,160
Speaker 1: making sure that I covered her heart and care for

300
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 1: her properly.

301
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:46,480
Speaker 3: Your caring even was beyond just caring. It was giving

302
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:50,240
Speaker 3: your mom enjoyable experiences, and I think that was the

303
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,880
Speaker 3: different A lot of people will take care of my mom,

304
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,320
Speaker 3: pay her bills and stuff like that. You wanted your

305
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:59,240
Speaker 3: mom to experience, like happiness, and I think that's what

306
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:07,040
Speaker 3: a lot of people misread your performance sometimes and I

307
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,720
Speaker 3: did too. I was one of those skeptics. Before I

308
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,360
Speaker 3: knew you and everything I told, I was also one

309
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,160
Speaker 3: of them, thinking this can't be real because then he

310
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,960
Speaker 3: still got dear future wifey up on the board and

311
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,080
Speaker 3: he should have. You know, he'll have to end this

312
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:23,080
Speaker 3: podcast out who's going to end their career to get married?

313
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 3: This is just so I did. I was wanted to skeptic,

314
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,600
Speaker 3: so I understand that. But as I began to learn

315
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,800
Speaker 3: you and this was stuff that you didn't tell me,

316
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,280
Speaker 3: I told you told me.

317
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:38,400
Speaker 1: I said, I remember our first counseling session. I'm trying

318
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,320
Speaker 1: not to even because even I already know you've can

319
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,960
Speaker 1: take me, and I'm gonna try my best not to cry.

320
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,120
Speaker 4: And I want you to be real in this.

321
00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:44,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, but.

322
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, during our first counseling session that I had solo

323
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,800
Speaker 1: with you, I just never heard no one like see

324
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,760
Speaker 1: me like that. And you said, you've always tried to

325
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,520
Speaker 1: protect your mom. You've always been a protective, You've always

326
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 1: tried to take care of her. And she said, I

327
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 1: just see that little boy always trying to take care

328
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,200
Speaker 1: And I sat there in that moment and I was

329
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,800
Speaker 1: going really and my mind started flash back into the

330
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:16,320
Speaker 1: young boiler Aris where I was like, well, I'm gonna

331
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,800
Speaker 1: say the young Terry because that's what my family called me,

332
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:23,200
Speaker 1: is Terry. And I remember looking at my mom. I said, honestly,

333
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,560
Speaker 1: my dad don't ever like kiss my mom. He don't

334
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 1: hold in hand, he don't show any type of affection.

335
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,320
Speaker 1: I remember, and yeah, So we had a conversation about

336
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 1: how for one of their anniversaries, my dad never really

337
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:39,320
Speaker 1: celebrated their anniversary, birthday, Valentine's Day, no holidays, and I said,

338
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,760
Speaker 1: I am going to create a moment where they could

339
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,400
Speaker 1: have an enjoyable dinner together. And I went and got

340
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,640
Speaker 1: them some gift cars from Ruth Chris. And it wouldn't

341
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,280
Speaker 1: even give cars, it was gift certificates. It was on paper.

342
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,520
Speaker 1: And I had them go to Ruth's Chris and I like, beg,

343
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,680
Speaker 1: my dad, please make sure you show up take her there.

344
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,800
Speaker 1: This is your anniversary, you know. I said, take the ruse, Chris,

345
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,680
Speaker 1: it'd be nice. And he was like, well, I ain't

346
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,800
Speaker 1: got no money to do. I said, I'll give you

347
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,080
Speaker 1: the money for it. I got the gift certificate and

348
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:08,879
Speaker 1: I also give you money a tip to people, just

349
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,040
Speaker 1: please do this for her, And they went enjoyed themselves.

350
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,600
Speaker 1: But that's pretty much the last day they ever been

351
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,880
Speaker 1: on and that was probably about probably ten years ago

352
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:19,000
Speaker 1: or something, you know.

353
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,160
Speaker 2: And you talked about how I try to create these.

354
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,200
Speaker 1: Experiences, and I'm glad you were transparent with me saying

355
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,359
Speaker 1: that sometimes that can look performative, it's not.

356
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 2: It's me showing my heart.

357
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,439
Speaker 1: Now, if I was some basic dude that didn't, I

358
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,719
Speaker 1: was like, I just mediocre.

359
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 2: I don't do anything in my life mediocre like this set.

360
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,359
Speaker 1: What would it look like if I was so intentional

361
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,960
Speaker 1: about making sure this set looks great? But then I

362
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,880
Speaker 1: don't create experiences for the woman I love, whether it's

363
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,600
Speaker 1: my mom, my kids, or even my wife. Now, Ashley,

364
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,879
Speaker 1: about making it in a form of excellence. Everything I

365
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,760
Speaker 1: do is going to be in the spirit of excellence

366
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,879
Speaker 1: to the best of my ability, and so that shows

367
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:59,240
Speaker 1: up in every area of my life.

368
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 3: I love that you gave the audience that because a

369
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 3: lot of times people don't understand where the performance came

370
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 3: from where they have seen performance it. Performance can have

371
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,600
Speaker 3: a negative kind of tone too, but also a lot

372
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,200
Speaker 3: of the things that we master are come straight out

373
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,920
Speaker 3: of our traumas it comes straight out of the things

374
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 3: that we didn't like, Like, we can sit here and

375
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,880
Speaker 3: talk about the terrorist, the one who wanted to give

376
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 3: his mom experiences, but we could also sit here and

377
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,040
Speaker 3: talk about the terrorists who watched his mom not have

378
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,800
Speaker 3: those experiences.

379
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 4: What was he experiencing?

380
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:38,439
Speaker 3: What was he feeling when he loved this woman, she

381
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:43,280
Speaker 3: loved him, and he not seeing So he literally out

382
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 3: of that the child's mind. He has mastered the art

383
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:51,200
Speaker 3: of experiences and burst this. He birthed a whole podcast

384
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,239
Speaker 3: out of that. And let me tell you something that

385
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,280
Speaker 3: is not unique. What I find is that it's so

386
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 3: normal that God will take the lowest parts the traumas

387
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:05,720
Speaker 3: of our experiences and take them and what the doublement

388
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,560
Speaker 3: for evil, God meant for good. And he will turn

389
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,000
Speaker 3: that thing, put the glory on it, put the and

390
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,720
Speaker 3: release it for the world to experience. So I just

391
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,919
Speaker 3: want you to, you know, to own that. And you

392
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:20,400
Speaker 3: don't have to be in you know, to be defensive

393
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,160
Speaker 3: over that, but to own that. And I'm just really

394
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 3: glad you shared that that deep moment.

395
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: And that's what I've done. It's like I give myself

396
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 1: permission to be, you know, even with Ashley. As we

397
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,359
Speaker 1: get into that It's like, I'll learn whatever it is

398
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 1: that she sees love and I'll go, all right, I'll

399
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:37,480
Speaker 1: do that.

400
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:38,400
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

401
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,680
Speaker 1: So it's my whole point is not performance at all.

402
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,600
Speaker 1: It's me meeting the need of that person. And so

403
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm just a person that heck. I wrote a book

404
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,719
Speaker 1: called student Love. I study people, and I go, all right,

405
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 1: my mom sees this, this is the deficiency. I want

406
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,359
Speaker 1: my mom to be loved this way my daughter. I

407
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,359
Speaker 1: elected not to go to college because I want to

408
00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 1: be president in my daughter's life. When she was born,

409
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,879
Speaker 1: my senior in high school, I said, this is how

410
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna show up as a father, and so I

411
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 1: adopted two kids. I said, I hate for a kid

412
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,119
Speaker 1: to be thrust it into this world without having a

413
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,800
Speaker 1: mother or father in their life. I can be a father.

414
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,400
Speaker 1: I can't be a mother, but I can be a father.

415
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 1: I can show up in that way. And so I

416
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 1: just love people. I love people, and I will always

417
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: give myself permission to show up to the best of

418
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 1: my ability.

419
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 2: And that's showing up with excellence.

420
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 3: You know a lot of times. And actually, don't think

421
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 3: I haven't gotten I'm not kidding. I wanted to tackle

422
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,880
Speaker 3: him for single or just for one more time, because

423
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 3: a lot of times we think it's just through our

424
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 3: negative experiences that we learned how to experience love, or

425
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 3: we choose how to experience love, and we do. We

426
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 3: learn from our parents how they experience love with each

427
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 3: other and how they experienced love with us. Another area

428
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 3: that I found was that was out of a type

429
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 3: of love you received. It wasn't just the type of

430
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 3: love you didn't like to sing, It was also the

431
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 3: type of love you received. And one of the things

432
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 3: that I loved you talking about. I don't know if

433
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,719
Speaker 3: you want to share about how your mother expressed her

434
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 3: love through pray, you're gonna say that.

435
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 2: You're gonna say that.

436
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, my mom would pray anoint my pillow when I

437
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,359
Speaker 1: was doing crazy stuff, getting kicked out of school for

438
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: taking the gun to school my sophomore year in high school.

439
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: She would always pray when she found me doing something

440
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 1: that wasn't of God, and she'll be like, I'm praying

441
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: for you. And so I said, you know what, a

442
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 1: God would niche on me a lot to my mama.

443
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,159
Speaker 1: So my mom be like, I know my mom was

444
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: to come to me and say, what happens in the

445
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 1: dark comes to light and I'd be like, Lord, what

446
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 1: is it?

447
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 2: She said, Oh, yeah, I know what you're doing. What

448
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 2: am I doing it? She'll tell me. I'd be like,

449
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 2: how do you know that?

450
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 1: She said, you think God's gonna allow me to be

451
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,640
Speaker 1: ignorant to my kids?

452
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 8: Like?

453
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,360
Speaker 2: God is gonna always tell me?

454
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: And I said, I want a woman in my life,

455
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 1: whoever my wife is, to be a praying woman. A

456
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,960
Speaker 1: woman that, if I'm not operate than my best self,

457
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 1: that would lay hands on me and pray for me,

458
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 1: that wouldn't break me down with her words, but will

459
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 1: anoint my pillows and say, you know what, God doesn't

460
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 1: lead me ignorant to what my husband is going through,

461
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pray for you. And so that was one

462
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 1: of my core values that I wanted to praying woman.

463
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: I wanted a woman to God because I grew up

464
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: poor mom didn't have much to offer, but she did

465
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: offer a very very solid prayer life.

466
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 4: What a beautiful experience for a child to grow up

467
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 4: with that. That's a blessing.

468
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 3: Okay, Actually your turn basically the same thing. Now, your

469
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,399
Speaker 3: life was a little bit different because you were in

470
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 3: circles that a lot of you know, it was not

471
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 3: the same circles that La Terras was in. Okay, La

472
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 3: Terras was talking about his poverty.

473
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:50,440
Speaker 4: Yours was still different experience, right, it was.

474
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 6: I grew up very middle class. I grew up in

475
00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 6: Alta Dina, which is a very middle class neighborhood with

476
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,119
Speaker 6: a lot of black families, and I went to private school.

477
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 6: I did have a single mom, but she was superwoman,

478
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 6: and she somehow made it feel like we belonged in

479
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 6: spaces and circles that you know, were only literally because

480
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 6: of God. So I never lacked. I was an only grandchild.

481
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 6: My Christmases were really special. Our holidays were spent together

482
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 6: as family, and I had a very very positive upbringing.

483
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 4: Now, were you that Jack and Jill girl? I was?

484
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 4: My kids will be.

485
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 6: I wasn't in Jack and Jill, but I was very

486
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 6: involved in church and dance and a lot of other

487
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 6: kind of extracurricular activities.

488
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,159
Speaker 5: So I grew up involved in the community.

489
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,919
Speaker 3: If you were saying, if you were to say you

490
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 3: talk about your mom being a single mom, are there

491
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 3: ways that shaped you in anything that shaped you in

492
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 3: single life? As you were waiting to be pursued, okay,

493
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:15,880
Speaker 3: pursued with a quickness, like you know, okay. Was there

494
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 3: anything that you felt that shaped you and maybe shaped

495
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 3: some of your challenges as a single woman.

496
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

497
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 6: My mom is very independent, so I was taught to

498
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 6: be incredibly independent. I'm a go getter by nature and

499
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 6: definitely a perfectionist, and so I think that really fares

500
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 6: well when you're doing work and in business. I think

501
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 6: that it can it can be challenging in a relationship,

502
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,919
Speaker 6: especially once you get to a certain place in life where,

503
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 6: you know, in my late thirties, so even things like

504
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 6: you know, getting a new air conditioning installed were different

505
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 6: because I was like, wait, I know how to do this.

506
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:09,640
Speaker 6: I you know, I got my whole house remodeled alone.

507
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 6: And so having helpmate was an interesting experience for me

508
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 6: because there was some relinquishing, relinquishing of control that had

509
00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 6: to happen.

510
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:26,679
Speaker 3: Did you need to Was control an issue with you?

511
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 5: I think so?

512
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:33,439
Speaker 3: I think that why? Because control, actually the foundation of

513
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 3: control was fear.

514
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 4: What did you fear?

515
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 5: I think when you.

516
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 6: Like buy a house and you start to kind of

517
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 6: take care of yourself and then you have employees that

518
00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:49,440
Speaker 6: are relying on you, you start to feel that weight.

519
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 6: And so for me, the control factor was always trying

520
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 6: to put myself in a position where everyone who relied

521
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 6: on me would be able to me.

522
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:00,880
Speaker 7: Right.

523
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 6: I never like to say if I tell you like

524
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 6: I'm hiring you and you're gonna get paid, Oh, you're

525
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 6: gonna get paid. If I take on a mortgage, oh

526
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 6: that mortgage is gonna get paid. I just have always

527
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:17,880
Speaker 6: felt an obligation or responsibility to be a good steward

528
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,719
Speaker 6: over the things that God gives me. And so I

529
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:25,000
Speaker 6: think the control and fear comes from being very calculated

530
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 6: about the things that I say yes to, whether it's

531
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 6: a car note, whether it's a new couch, whether I'm

532
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 6: read decorating, you know, my home. I always felt the

533
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 6: weight of It's kind of like getting an A in school.

534
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 3: Right, did little Ashley ever fear anything? Little Ashley and

535
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 3: you don't have to share anything you don't want to share?

536
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know I did.

537
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 6: I mean I think when you grow up as an

538
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 6: only child and your mom is taking care of so much.

539
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 6: I remember a day when she came home and there

540
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 6: was a box on the table or on the kitchen counter,

541
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 6: and my mom wasn't downstairs so I went upstairs because

542
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 6: I thought it was odd that all of the stuff

543
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 6: that used to be at her office was in the box.

544
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 6: And so I went upstairs and I said, how was

545
00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 6: your day? And she said, well, it wasn't It wasn't great.

546
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 6: You know, I lost my job today. And I remember saying,

547
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 6: what are we going to do? And she said, the

548
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 6: same thing we've been doing. We're gonna survive. And she

549
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,720
Speaker 6: said if I have to clean houses, whatever I have

550
00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 6: to do. She said, nothing is too big and nothing

551
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,159
Speaker 6: is too small. But your life isn't going to change.

552
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 6: And I think in that moment, I realized resilience. But

553
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 6: I realized that there was like a there was a

554
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,439
Speaker 6: woman inside of me that nothing could shake or break

555
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 6: because I stood on the shoulders of my mom. Obviously,

556
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 6: when you're going to private school, these are really expensive schools.

557
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 6: You know, you got mortgages to pay. My mom was

558
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 6: able to push past that, and I always saw her

559
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 6: be able to come out more resilient and more strong,

560
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 6: and so I would say the thing that I feared

561
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 6: was just what if it was too much?

562
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 5: How could I help? What could I do to support?

563
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 6: I felt like, you know, I was having these nice experiences.

564
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 6: I'm involved in all these extracurriculars, anything I wanted to do,

565
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 6: any trips that I wanted to take. My mom always

566
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 6: worked to be able to support that, and I think

567
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 6: I feared that it was too much and I wanted

568
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 6: to figure out as a kid, like how can I

569
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 6: take this weight off of her?

570
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 3: That's interesting that the scenario because we didn't talk about

571
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,640
Speaker 3: this and counseling at all. This my first time hearing

572
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,880
Speaker 3: this story. But the scenario that you brought was the

573
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 3: box story. And when I ask you about independence, you

574
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,760
Speaker 3: talked about work, and so those are both related to

575
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,600
Speaker 3: each other. You said, I want people to get paid.

576
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 3: You literally just now showed up like your mom, but

577
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 3: you did it to your employees and not to your

578
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 3: child because you don't have children yet. So just watching that,

579
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 3: I will do whatever is necessary to make sure nothing

580
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 3: changes you just did the nothing.

581
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 4: Changes that your mom did.

582
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 3: How will that affect you though as a married person,

583
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 3: because there will be.

584
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 4: There will be times when you will have to not.

585
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 3: Necessarily choose your career, but you will have to have

586
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 3: a work life balance. There will be times as a

587
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 3: married woman of forty two years, I do leave money

588
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 3: on the table and choose my husband. On Saturdays, I

589
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 3: could fill my clock, my schedule up, but that's my

590
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 3: dating time with my husband. If not Saturday, if I'm

591
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 3: somewhere speaking, then it's going to be another day. Then

592
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 3: I'm going to not take on that money and spend

593
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 3: time with my spouse. How do you feel, Ashley, that

594
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 3: you get to balance the fact that it's all good,

595
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,960
Speaker 3: I don't have to work and fear the box that

596
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 3: I would bring home.

597
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 4: How do you manage that?

598
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 7: Well?

599
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 6: I think it's been a transition. I really trust my husband.

600
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:50,239
Speaker 6: So some people know I've left LA full time and

601
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 6: now I live in Dallas the majority of the time.

602
00:30:54,480 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 6: Which was a conversation, and so I think that for me,

603
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 6: I spent the first part of my life working very

604
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 6: hard and that made me really happy. I accomplish things

605
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 6: that I never thought were possible. But if I'm honest,

606
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 6: the thing that I wanted the most was family. When

607
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 6: I think about the women in my family, they taught

608
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 6: us to value family, they weren't teaching me to value

609
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 6: working hard.

610
00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 5: And I think we live.

611
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 6: In a society where sometimes women feel bad if they're

612
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 6: not getting to the bag, or they're not achieving at

613
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 6: a high level. So I never felt like there was

614
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 6: a real space to open up and say like I

615
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 6: want to be a wife, I want to be a mom,

616
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 6: because that often doesn't feel good enough. But my true desire,

617
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 6: my true, my true.

618
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 5: Goal is it.

619
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:03,000
Speaker 6: My first goal is to be an amazing wife to

620
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 6: this handsome man sitting next to me.

621
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 5: And everything else comes after that.

622
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 6: I'm really really grateful for the amazing work that we've

623
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 6: done and will continue to do.

624
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 5: But my priority is my home.

625
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 6: It's building my home, it's building our life together, and

626
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 6: I believe if I honor God in that way through

627
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 6: this covenant, everything else will follow.

628
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 4: I love that.

629
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,440
Speaker 3: I love That's a good transition over to seeing the

630
00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 3: portion where we'd say we see we saw each other,

631
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 3: because your story is that you were first friends and

632
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 3: you saw each other. Now you are a beautiful woman,

633
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 3: so of course you've got options. Okay, it's not like

634
00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 3: you walk in bark or any of that stuff. Okay,

635
00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 3: you're a beautiful woman that you saw and Laterra saw

636
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 3: how beautiful you were too, and he was like, oh yeah.

637
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 2: Absolutely amen.

638
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 3: But before you saw him, I'm talking about the La

639
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 3: terras you see now, before you saw him. He saw you,

640
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 3: so Laterra's you want to talk about that?

641
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: So I was doing the podcast at Kylie Worship, Warren

642
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 1: Campbell and Erica Campbell's church November the twenty sixth of

643
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. They had booked me to do the podcast,

644
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: and after the podcast, I was in the sanctuary, you know,

645
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 1: greeting people. Then Ashley walked up and was like, hey,

646
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,280
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed the podcast. A couple of my friends

647
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: had been on your podcast before, and I was like,

648
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 1: oh really. I grabbed her hand and started walking through

649
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: the sanctuary, walked right into the lib beholding her hand.

650
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I grabbed this woman

651
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: hand and I caught myself said she could be here

652
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:54,800
Speaker 1: with a man. I don't know what made me do that.

653
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 1: I've never done no mess like that before, so I

654
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 1: was like, I just grabbed this woman's hand. So then

655
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 1: I just tried to play it off and I was like, so,

656
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: how are you doing? At first I thought she was young.

657
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 1: I thought she was like twenty five, so I really

658
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 1: thought it was awkward that I grabbed a hand because

659
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,879
Speaker 1: he looks young, and I was like, this old young girl,

660
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: she probably aging my daughter.

661
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:13,839
Speaker 2: Like, absolutely, this is not what I want.

662
00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 1: And then but I just felt the connection of drawing

663
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: towards her, which I kept saying, I said, why do

664
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,279
Speaker 1: I just feel like I've known this woman before? And

665
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: so that's what it was. So then I told her.

666
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 1: She said, hey, my friend Brayley Evans is in town.

667
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: She's been on your podcast before. Maybe we can go

668
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 1: out to eat later on tonight, all of us.

669
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 2: And I said yeah. I got to be cool. You know,

670
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 2: we were just some friends about to hang out with

671
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 2: each other and everything. I said, cool.

672
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:41,760
Speaker 1: So I had another tape of the podcast that evening,

673
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,400
Speaker 1: and so that evening it got a little late. I

674
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 1: talked to her the next morning. I said, hey, listen,

675
00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 1: my flight leaves later on this afternoon. I would love

676
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 1: to see you before I leave.

677
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 2: She said, well, I.

678
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 1: Got you know, because I told her DM me, which

679
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: I was hoping she DM me, and she did. So

680
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 1: I was like getting ready to do the second the

681
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 1: second episode that night, and I kept.

682
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 2: Checking my DM said she ain't. She ain't DM me.

683
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, well, worst case scenario, because she had

684
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 1: facetimed Brayley in the lobby, I said, worst case scenario

685
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 1: is she doesn't hit me up. I'll hit up Brayley

686
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 1: and be like, hey, your friend said hey, you know,

687
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 1: maybe we can you know, see each other later on

688
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 1: this evening. And so Brayley when I ended up calling Brayley, Yeah,

689
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: I called Brayley later on that night and she was like, now, listen,

690
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 1: she's a boss chick. She's a good woman. You know,

691
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:35,879
Speaker 1: you a good dude, She a good woman. Maybe y'all

692
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:37,399
Speaker 1: can talk. I was like, no, I just met this woman.

693
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 1: I don't know it like that, Like I just, you know,

694
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: met her as a friend and that's it or whatever.

695
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 1: I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I said, you're trying

696
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,560
Speaker 1: to play match makease. She said, I'm just saying. So

697
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:46,880
Speaker 1: I was just like, all right, whatever.

698
00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 2: So then when I called Ash the next morning, I said,

699
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:50,759
Speaker 2: I'll be flying out. Is there ay where I can

700
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 2: see you? If only for fifteen minutes.

701
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 1: I just want to see her because again I just

702
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,399
Speaker 1: was finding myself very curious about getting to know.

703
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:57,919
Speaker 2: More about her.

704
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: She said, well, I have a meeting that's around the

705
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: downtown area, around you know, close around that time.

706
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 2: Maybe we'll be able to see each other.

707
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: I said, no, it's going to happen, like, no, I

708
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 1: don't want no, maybe I need to see you, and

709
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 1: she was like okay. So then so then she ended

710
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: up calling me and I was like, I'm on my

711
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 1: way to the airport dropping off my rental car at

712
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 1: the rental car place. Can you meet me at the

713
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:22,759
Speaker 1: rental car place. She came, We got in the car,

714
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,320
Speaker 1: went across the street to like this little coffee shop

715
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: thing or whatnot, had Miss smoothie. And when we were

716
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 1: in the car, she was talking to one of her

717
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,000
Speaker 1: friends and she was telling her friends she's gonna be

718
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,759
Speaker 1: out of pocket for the next couple of days because

719
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 1: she was getting her eggs frozen.

720
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 2: And I was like, hm hm.

721
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 1: So when she got off the call, because it was

722
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: coming through the speakerphone in her car.

723
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 2: I said, so you're getting your eggs frozen?

724
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 1: She said yeah. I said, it was making you decide

725
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: to do that. She said, well, the doctor said, you know,

726
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five years old. Because then the lobby I'd

727
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: asked her how old she was. She was thirty five.

728
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,759
Speaker 1: I said, good, I said, I said, my desire is

729
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: to be with a woman. No, no younger than thirty five.

730
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,720
Speaker 1: So I was like good. So then so then she said,

731
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: my doctor's telling me that very much freezing your eggs

732
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:03,240
Speaker 1: as an insurance policy.

733
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, cool.

734
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 1: And then when I got on the plane, I called

735
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: I was kept thinking about on the plane.

736
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,480
Speaker 2: I said, why I keep thinking about this woman? I said,

737
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 2: all right. I landed, called her, talked to her, and then.

738
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 1: I said, you know about the egg thing, and I

739
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 1: started having another conversation with about She said, well, the

740
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 1: doctors see about three to four follicles, you know, three

741
00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,959
Speaker 1: or four eggs, and they want to see double because

742
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 1: I'm spending all this money getting these eggs frozen. They

743
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 1: want to be worthwhile because of you know, quite a

744
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 1: few eggs may die off or whatnot. I said, okay,

745
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 1: do you mind if I pray with you? She said okay.

746
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 1: I said, I'm ana pray that God gives you double

747
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 1: that when you go to the doctor they see double.

748
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 1: She was like okay. So then I prayed with her.

749
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,800
Speaker 1: The next day she called me. She said, you would

750
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 1: not believe this. I said, what happened? She said, The

751
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: doctor said, what happened in the last twenty four hours?

752
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: We see double? What happened?

753
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:57,759
Speaker 2: What did you say? The doctor? And they said that.

754
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,919
Speaker 5: I said, I think I know what happened. I think

755
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:02,800
Speaker 5: I know what happened.

756
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 2: And she was a little reluctant about even calling me.

757
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 1: You know, after that, She's like, I don't want to

758
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,399
Speaker 1: buy him, I don't want thing. And I was like, no,

759
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 1: I needed that praise report. So when she called me

760
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: and said that, I said, did I just pray for

761
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: my future kids? And I said, nah, I don't want

762
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 1: to be awaredough, let me just get to know. I

763
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,000
Speaker 1: only known at this point about forty eight hours. So

764
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 1: I said I'm just gonna I'm just gonna get to

765
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: know her. And then so about five days later, as

766
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 1: we were getting just a chance to just know each

767
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,320
Speaker 1: other as friends, she made the comment about how whoever

768
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: she were to marry, the husband would either be living

769
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 1: in LA or have to move to LA. And I said, so,

770
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,439
Speaker 1: you tell me if your husband lived a different state,

771
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 1: you wouldn't you wouldn't date them, you wouldn't, you wouldn't move.

772
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: She's like, no, which is how I would live and

773
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,200
Speaker 1: die in LA. He said, I'm gonna live and die

774
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 1: in LA. So I was just like okay. And so

775
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,760
Speaker 1: we just basically just friends on each other at that time,

776
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: and it was just cool. And then about what about

777
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,680
Speaker 1: six months later, she and I would be continued talking

778
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 1: to each other or whatnot, and she'd talk to me

779
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 1: about guys she's dating.

780
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,240
Speaker 2: I'll talk to about women I was dating.

781
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,359
Speaker 1: And then one day she was dating this guy and

782
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 1: she was asking my advice about this guy, and I

783
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 1: asked where he lived, lived in a different state, and

784
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,160
Speaker 1: then she said, yeah, things work out. I could see

785
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,360
Speaker 1: myself moving. I said, oh, so you changed. She was like,

786
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: what you mean. I said, you remember when you told

787
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: me about six to seven months ago you said you

788
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 1: would never move, And she said, she's got silent on

789
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: the phone. I said, you must really like this guy. Huh,

790
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 1: And then she got silent. She didn't rebuttal it. She

791
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 1: just took it all in. I said, okay, cool, and

792
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,320
Speaker 1: that's all it was. So I knew that God was

793
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: opening up her mind to something new, and we just

794
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 1: continued to stay friends.

795
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 3: How did what did you think but that this guy

796
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 3: was enough for her to change her mind?

797
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,759
Speaker 4: But you initially were not well.

798
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,399
Speaker 1: The way I looked at it was I didn't quite

799
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 1: shoot my shot at that point, so I didn't have

800
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: to experience rejection. I was just getting to know her,

801
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: which I tell people all the time. Just vet people

802
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,319
Speaker 1: from a friendship standpoint without having an expectation so that

803
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:07,239
Speaker 1: you don't internalize the rejection. You're just like, Okay, this

804
00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,399
Speaker 1: person wants somebody and you know that lives there.

805
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 2: I don't live in LA. It just is what it is.

806
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 1: So it's not like I said, hey, will you be

807
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: with me because I want to. I want to be

808
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: with you and you say I ain't gonna never move

809
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: to whatever, and I go home.

810
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:18,399
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.

811
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 1: It was just me in the vetting process, so I

812
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,880
Speaker 1: didn't internalize it at that point. I just felt like

813
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,720
Speaker 1: because I used to be very reluctant about dating people

814
00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 1: on this as myself because I didn't want to. My

815
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 1: whole thing was I never wanted somebody to uproot their

816
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 1: life because of me and then to regret it later.

817
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,279
Speaker 2: Like I didn't want to move here, and I moved here,

818
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 2: and this is.

819
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,200
Speaker 1: No if you if you're the type of person that

820
00:40:40,320 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: desired moving and that's no big deal to you, then

821
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: that's cool. I felt like we were aligned, But if

822
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 1: you were like I would never live in You're just

823
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: not my person.

824
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 4: Okay, and so what changed you?

825
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 6: I think time, you know, for me, I know, life

826
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 6: is all about season, and I think when I first

827
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,760
Speaker 6: met him my business, it felt like I had prayed

828
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 6: to God to help me feel settled because I just

829
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,720
Speaker 6: felt like I was always traveling, I was always moving,

830
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,200
Speaker 6: I was trying to get my house together. And when

831
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 6: I met him, I had just got my house like

832
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 6: completely remodeled. It felt good to me. My business was

833
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,759
Speaker 6: doing well. I was like, oh no, the blessings are

834
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,200
Speaker 6: here in La. This is where I need to be.

835
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 6: And so I kept thinking that, you know, promotion comes

836
00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:33,880
Speaker 6: from God. I kept thinking that God would have my

837
00:41:34,000 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 6: husband also be in LA because all of these blessings

838
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 6: were indoors were opening up in LA. So it wasn't

839
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 6: that I told him, you know, or that I was

840
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 6: completely closed off to it, but just in that season,

841
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,879
Speaker 6: I felt like there was so much alignment in LA

842
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 6: that I was where God wanted me to be.

843
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,960
Speaker 3: So that makes perfect sense because you are settled and

844
00:41:56,080 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 3: probably back then you're settled, that's your initial settlement there. Yeah,

845
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:05,440
Speaker 3: so you just just feeling really good about your progress

846
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:10,440
Speaker 3: and so and then security is huge for you because

847
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 3: of your past and because of your mom. It's security

848
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,800
Speaker 3: is a big deal. So this that that needs to

849
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 3: happen right there. Now, let's let's take it to let's

850
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:24,359
Speaker 3: move it up fast forward a few years and there's

851
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 3: a reconnection somehow.

852
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

853
00:42:27,360 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: I had a conversation with her, like she and I

854
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: would be talking all the time. Matter of fact, in

855
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:38,760
Speaker 1: uh December I did. She'd be talking about guys that

856
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 1: that that.

857
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 2: She was dating.

858
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: I was like, these guys are just not the type

859
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:43,480
Speaker 1: of guys that she needs to be with.

860
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 2: But I ain't gonna hate.

861
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 1: I'm always giving advice to try to make it work

862
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:50,000
Speaker 1: so that she can experience she trying her best to

863
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 1: make it work and it don't work out.

864
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 2: And so I've never a hated like that, like he

865
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: don't need to be with him.

866
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 1: But then one day I told her after she was

867
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:00,440
Speaker 1: single again, and I said, all right, I'm help you

868
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 1: find your partner. We did a live that people have

869
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:05,719
Speaker 1: been finding. They was like, this is when they first

870
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: had their first connection. They went and I did a

871
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 1: live on December the twentieth, the twenty twenty four. I

872
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: had talked to her a couple of days prior. I said, actually,

873
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 1: how would you feel if I try to help you

874
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 1: find your person.

875
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 2: And she was like, you know, I'll be open to it.

876
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 1: And I said I want to do it on my

877
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: IG and she was like, you know, I don't like

878
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:28,439
Speaker 1: all that attention. And then she said, all right, I'll

879
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,200
Speaker 1: do something different. I've never done nothing like that before,

880
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 1: but hey, let's try it.

881
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:33,879
Speaker 2: I said.

882
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:34,240
Speaker 4: Cool.

883
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,719
Speaker 1: So I set it up to do it one day

884
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 1: and she thought I had forgotten. I hit up a

885
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: few minutes before we went live, said you're ready. She's like, oh,

886
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:47,719
Speaker 1: hold on, she said, hold I want you to call me.

887
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,160
Speaker 1: So I called her, video called her and she was like, okay,

888
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 1: it's my lighting set up.

889
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:54,439
Speaker 2: How do I look? I said, you look great. We're

890
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 2: gonna do it.

891
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 1: She's like, oh my god, I'm so nervous, so nervous.

892
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 1: And I said just look at me. I said, if

893
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: you get nervous just looking at me, this is gonna

894
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:02,920
Speaker 1: be a conversation with your friend. It's gonna be okay.

895
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 1: And so we did the live. People are in the comments.

896
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 1: So I'm like, why don't y'all date? Y'all look great together, y'all,

897
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:10,799
Speaker 1: y'all should date, y'all should date. I just kept ignoring it,

898
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: like I ain't finna feed into all that. I was

899
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: dating somebody else at the time, and so I said,

900
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 1: I'm not feeding into that.

901
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:17,800
Speaker 2: Let them chime in in the in the in the

902
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 2: chat about it. And that was that. After the it

903
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 2: was funny on.

904
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 1: The live and she said, uh, what did you say?

905
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 1: You said, I hope you're successfully in doing this so

906
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 1: that me and my husband can then come join you

907
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 1: on the yellow cap.

908
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,359
Speaker 4: And look at you all today on the yellow cow.

909
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:38,520
Speaker 5: Yeah.

910
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:43,000
Speaker 3: That aged well, that was almost a year ago.

911
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:44,720
Speaker 2: She said, well maybe, and.

912
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 1: Then you can start He said, did you say I

913
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:47,360
Speaker 1: can start a matchmaking service?

914
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 5: He said, I didn't say that.

915
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:51,600
Speaker 2: And then you can start a matchmaking service. This would

916
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 2: be great. I said, we can.

917
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be my business partner.

918
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,440
Speaker 2: Were gonna start a match making service. So that's what

919
00:45:00,560 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 2: ended up happening.

920
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 1: And so then fast forward to in February, I had

921
00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: a conversation she had just ended it with a guy

922
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: that she was dating again, and I was just like, I.

923
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 2: Just got frustrated that conversation.

924
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,840
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, these guys, I said, I

925
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,919
Speaker 1: can cover you better than any of these other guys

926
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:22,080
Speaker 1: can never cover you. I don't know why you choosing

927
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:23,919
Speaker 1: these type of guys. They don't see you, they don't

928
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 1: cover you properly. They just you're not even aligned spiritually.

929
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,919
Speaker 1: It's like, why are you wasting your time with these dudes?

930
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: And I just went in, but what did you say

931
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 1: about fifteen minutes and twenty minutes?

932
00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:34,439
Speaker 5: It was an hour?

933
00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 2: No hour exaggerated, it was an hour. So I just

934
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 2: snapped and she said, what did you think about that?

935
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 1: Then?

936
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,400
Speaker 6: I mean, I at that moment, I was like, let

937
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 6: me be quiet, let me listen, because you said your

938
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 6: picker is off, and here I am.

939
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 5: I'm being transparent with you.

940
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,720
Speaker 6: And so I was like, well, maybe he's onto something

941
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 6: like let me listen, and you were cooking, babe.

942
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 3: He did he make you feel like like he's saying, Okay,

943
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,360
Speaker 3: at this point, I'm going to throw my hat in

944
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 3: the ring. And you knew that during that call, that

945
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 3: whole hour, not fifteen minute calls. You learned that he

946
00:46:14,280 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 3: was throwing his officially throwing his hat in the ring

947
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 3: as a possibility. Yes, And so you had to at

948
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 3: that point your whole eyesight has to shift.

949
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 4: Tell me about the shifting of the eyesight. Well, I

950
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:28,479
Speaker 4: think that.

951
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 6: Was also why I was quiet for that long, because

952
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 6: I was processing. It's a strong opening when you say

953
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 6: I could cover you better than all these dudes.

954
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:38,800
Speaker 4: That because you have to make a decision.

955
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 3: Is he coming out of friend zone yes, and being

956
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 3: put as a possibility, yes, exactly. That's a big space,

957
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 3: that's a big jump as a promotion, and you have

958
00:46:47,719 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 3: to really process it. Talk to me about the processing,

959
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 3: because it's some women who have put some people who

960
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 3: are friend zone there. They have friend zone their husband

961
00:46:56,760 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 3: because he didn't initially bring chemistry, and chemistry can be

962
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 3: very much over ready to go to the gym and

963
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,440
Speaker 3: you have extra chemistry because it's the same hor modil

964
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 3: of responses. So you have to be careful about that

965
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:13,480
Speaker 3: whole chemistry thing. But you had friend zone him. Now

966
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 3: you're thinking, hey, he might be able to come out

967
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 3: the gate into the other zone. Tell me about the process.

968
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:25,719
Speaker 3: Bless somebody and help them.

969
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 6: Well, no, for me, then that's so good what you

970
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 6: said about the hormones that produced at the gym and

971
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,360
Speaker 6: all of that happening. But what I knew was that

972
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 6: the reason he was able to speak to me the

973
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:41,279
Speaker 6: way he was is because I already trusted him. So

974
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 6: in those silent moments as I was listening to him one,

975
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 6: I knew that I could trust his heart and his

976
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 6: motive for me, because the entire time that we were friends,

977
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 6: he had been a stand up you know, gentleman. He

978
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 6: had never tried, He had never you know, he had

979
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 6: only encouraged me, and he had only showed up as

980
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,480
Speaker 6: the friend that I needed in every season.

981
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 4: So let me just interrupt you on one thing.

982
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:11,760
Speaker 3: Also, notice how he has showed up the first time

983
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 3: with the love that his mother used to give it

984
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 3: pray for he praying for you.

985
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:23,839
Speaker 4: Yeah, go ahead, that's good, told you love.

986
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 2: But you's gonna connect some dots.

987
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:28,920
Speaker 1: By the way, she used to do that all the

988
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 1: time in our therapy, says she'll connect some dots about

989
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:33,160
Speaker 1: something that happened when I was eight years old, or

990
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:34,919
Speaker 1: something that happened to ask hi when she was four,

991
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:36,839
Speaker 1: and in the common thrill, you'd be.

992
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 4: Like, Wow, that's why you're loved, good lord.

993
00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 3: So the question, oh you were, so you were in

994
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 3: the process of processing whether he should come out friend zone.

995
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 6: Yes, but I knew by the way he had showed

996
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,920
Speaker 6: up as a friend that you know, I trusted him,

997
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 6: and so that for me, it made me take what he.

998
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 5: Was saying at face value.

999
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:10,520
Speaker 6: And I think sometimes you think, or you know, you

1000
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 6: might think that someone is trying to plan and plot

1001
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 6: or there's some ulterior motives. I knew his heart for

1002
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:19,239
Speaker 6: me was pure because he had been coaching me with

1003
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,919
Speaker 6: these other guys that you know, I was dealing with,

1004
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 6: and it was all genuine yea. And so for me,

1005
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,720
Speaker 6: I heard his heart in that moment and I thought, Wow,

1006
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 6: I really respect and admire him. He's got a lot

1007
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 6: of information and now he's telling me, right, this is

1008
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 6: someone that I admire that my picker is off. So

1009
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:44,320
Speaker 6: and I'm like, well, and he's making points because look,

1010
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 6: not to share all my business, but he knows the

1011
00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:49,560
Speaker 6: details of some of these things. So he's not just

1012
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 6: saying surface level stuff. He's like going in about decisions

1013
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 6: that I've made and what I've done. And so for me,

1014
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:03,319
Speaker 6: in that moment, I I don't there was I wasn't

1015
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 6: at the point where I had the change of heart

1016
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,720
Speaker 6: to not, you know, be friends.

1017
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 5: But my heart posture was let me hear what this is.

1018
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:15,240
Speaker 6: Let me discern what this is, because what he's saying

1019
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 6: is truth, which can be a little uncomfortable. And then

1020
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:22,280
Speaker 6: I said, wow, God had told me a few months prior,

1021
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:24,879
Speaker 6: he said, the reason I'm making you wait for your

1022
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 6: husband is because your husband has a big calling over

1023
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:28,919
Speaker 6: his life.

1024
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:31,560
Speaker 1: She had the nerd to tell me that. So she

1025
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:33,920
Speaker 1: was telling me that. I said, like a couple of

1026
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:37,840
Speaker 1: months I was in what month was at, October November?

1027
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: And she was sharing that, and I said, imagine her

1028
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 1: telling me that. And I said, hmm, but the guys

1029
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:47,760
Speaker 1: that she was dating didn't seem to be description.

1030
00:50:47,960 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 2: I was like, what is that? So I just like,

1031
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying.

1032
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 1: And so that's why I felt like it was my

1033
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: duty to help introduce her to whoever this person is

1034
00:50:56,480 --> 00:51:00,120
Speaker 1: from my platform with people who are intentional. And so

1035
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 1: I was like, that would be great. That would be

1036
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 1: the greatest gift that I could give her. Because Ashley

1037
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: is such an amazing woman, like she is really really dope.

1038
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 1: So as a friend, I was like, she's a good woman.

1039
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:13,439
Speaker 1: I just want her to be with a good man

1040
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 1: that's going to cover her heart properly, that's going to

1041
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,879
Speaker 1: take care of her, that's going to put a ring

1042
00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 1: on her finger, that's going to give her kids that

1043
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: she can have the life that she desired, because I

1044
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 1: felt like she was just thrust it into this they

1045
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 1: called this boss chick persona. But like she said, her

1046
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: real heart was wanting to be a mother, wanting to

1047
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:32,239
Speaker 1: be a wife. And I was like, so she's just

1048
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 1: doing this, you know, as a you know, to be

1049
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 1: productive in this single life. But what she really wants

1050
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 1: is something else. And I said, God, I just want

1051
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 1: her to have the desires of her heart.

1052
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 7: Wow.

1053
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,439
Speaker 5: Well and that's good, babe.

1054
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 6: For the other thing I was thinking, and this, well,

1055
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:54,040
Speaker 6: I'm going to say it. God gave Adam vision first.

1056
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 6: And I often, as an independent woman, was always concerned

1057
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:02,919
Speaker 6: about me getting the vision or I can see where

1058
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 6: I'm going. And so I had this moment because the

1059
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,160
Speaker 6: Holy Spirit had told me that my husband had a

1060
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,240
Speaker 6: big calling and that's why I was waiting where I said,

1061
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 6: is this that God? And so I literally had to

1062
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 6: be stilled to say is this Adam having the vision first?

1063
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:25,359
Speaker 6: And me saying okay, Eve listen, And so there were

1064
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:28,799
Speaker 6: so many emotions, but I definitely had to sit in

1065
00:52:28,840 --> 00:52:32,240
Speaker 6: that and I wanted to be aware of that because

1066
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 6: I know I can often be in the in the

1067
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 6: driver's seat, and so for the first time what he

1068
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:41,919
Speaker 6: was saying caused me to be like, hold on, get

1069
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,279
Speaker 6: in the passenger seat.

1070
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,120
Speaker 3: That's really huge, And I'm gonna tell you why it's

1071
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 3: really huge. It is because once again, we learn how

1072
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 3: to have relationships by how our parents have relationship with

1073
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:58,440
Speaker 3: each other and how they have relationship with us. You

1074
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:02,040
Speaker 3: were around a lot of very very strong, independent women

1075
00:53:02,440 --> 00:53:06,400
Speaker 3: who did not have to ask have anybody chime in

1076
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 3: about the air conditioning being extalled. Okay, so you actually

1077
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:15,000
Speaker 3: did not master those skills. So this was your first

1078
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 3: time cultivating these skills. There is a point in which

1079
00:53:19,680 --> 00:53:22,560
Speaker 3: you didn't get these skills from home, and you might

1080
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,399
Speaker 3: have got the opposite. But you have to learn these

1081
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:28,560
Speaker 3: skills if you're going to have healthy relationships. You got

1082
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 3: to know what's in your bag that you walked out

1083
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 3: of your house with. But you also got to know

1084
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:35,840
Speaker 3: what is missing in your back. And one of it

1085
00:53:35,920 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 3: is what you just said. You needed to know how

1086
00:53:38,600 --> 00:53:43,760
Speaker 3: to pause, let somebody else insert and actually listen.

1087
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that was probably when you talk about the

1088
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 1: air conditioning thing. I remember I told her because she

1089
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 1: was in la I was in Dallas as when I

1090
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 1: was dating, and I said, I'm gonna help take care

1091
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 1: of that because I got tired of guys popping up

1092
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: the freaking contractors be She's like, it's hot in here.

1093
00:54:01,520 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, you hot, you hot, and I'm listening

1094
00:54:03,400 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 2: to it on the phone. We don't VI. I said,

1095
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,480
Speaker 2: hold on, I got to remove you out of it.

1096
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:09,400
Speaker 1: These being in your house flirting with you making you

1097
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 1: feel extremely uncomfortable. Because she was like, this makes me

1098
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: so uncomfortable. And I said, I'm gonna do something about it.

1099
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:15,920
Speaker 1: I'm booking the flight right now to fly out there.

1100
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: That flight was expensive. Let me tell you something. I

1101
00:54:17,680 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 1: was like, Jesus, this thing costs a lot. So I

1102
00:54:19,920 --> 00:54:22,799
Speaker 1: booked that flight for the next day flew out there.

1103
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:24,839
Speaker 1: But I was telling her ahead of time. She's like,

1104
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,839
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I need several different quotes from different people.

1105
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 2: And she busy. That's the thing about it, actually me.

1106
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:32,960
Speaker 1: This girl be working so hard, and so now you

1107
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 1: got this added thing where she has this whole ac

1108
00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 1: unit go out.

1109
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 4: It's hot.

1110
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:41,360
Speaker 1: The hottest days in LA during the summer, it was

1111
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: a whole heat wave.

1112
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 2: She was in the sweating.

1113
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 1: I said, man, I went on instacart, ordered a bunch

1114
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 1: of fans to go to a house. I said, hey,

1115
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:51,359
Speaker 1: they'll be there in the hour. She was like, what

1116
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,319
Speaker 1: I said, My woman came sitting up this sweating. So

1117
00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 1: I had fans brought to her house and then I

1118
00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: booked the flight to go see her. And I said, now, please,

1119
00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 1: I'm finna go get these post from these different folks,

1120
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 1: which is very uncomfortable because you're like, I don't know

1121
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 1: these people, where are they at or whatnot. So I'm

1122
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:08,920
Speaker 1: calling these air conditioning companies getting quotes, and you know,

1123
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:10,480
Speaker 1: she was like, I can do it.

1124
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 2: You know I can do that. You know, I know

1125
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 2: la better I do.

1126
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:15,360
Speaker 1: I said, let me do it, and she was like,

1127
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 1: but I can, let me do it, just let me

1128
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:22,080
Speaker 1: do this. Were we even engaged then, We weren't engaged.

1129
00:55:22,200 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 1: We weren't even engaged then. That was probably the month

1130
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 1: before we got engaged. And I was just like, let

1131
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 1: me do it, and she was just like all right,

1132
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:29,480
Speaker 1: but I could tell.

1133
00:55:29,239 --> 00:55:32,760
Speaker 2: How uncomfortable it made it. She was so uncomfortable.

1134
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 1: Then we went there and together we negotiated with this

1135
00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 1: contractor that was we won that.

1136
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 2: We got the heating and.

1137
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 1: The ac for the price that people were quoting just

1138
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 1: for the ac So we came together and we negotiated great.

1139
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: I said, see, we make a great team. And she

1140
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: was just like, oh my god, that was great. And

1141
00:55:56,640 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 1: I'm talking about saved a lot of money from that.

1142
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 1: And so it was that I said, let's just work

1143
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 1: with each other on our strengths.

1144
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 2: Let's just do that.

1145
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:05,879
Speaker 1: And so that was a milestone that we had where

1146
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: as she could take care of it.

1147
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,480
Speaker 2: She didn't need me to do that, you know what

1148
00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 2: I'm saying.

1149
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 1: But it was a thing of saying, focus on what

1150
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: you focus on and let me do that. Now she'd

1151
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:18,040
Speaker 1: be like, what you're doing? Like now she resting that.

1152
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 1: She don't want to pick up the trash and take nothing. Now,

1153
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,960
Speaker 1: she don't want to. You know, I accidentally forgot to

1154
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 1: fill up the gas when we were traveling for our wedding,

1155
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,800
Speaker 1: going out of town, and she came back she said

1156
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: the car wasn't full. I said, I forgot, girl. We

1157
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 1: was running around dropping you off that thing, getting your

1158
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:36,719
Speaker 1: hair done and all that. But now she's resting in

1159
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:38,080
Speaker 1: that to allow me to.

1160
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 2: Just do that.

1161
00:56:38,840 --> 00:56:40,880
Speaker 1: She go to the airport, she don't need to know

1162
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:42,640
Speaker 1: where we're going. She don't know what gate we're going

1163
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,600
Speaker 1: out of. I have all the flight stuff in my phone.

1164
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:47,879
Speaker 1: She just walks around wanting to carry a bag.

1165
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:50,640
Speaker 2: I said, I got it. I got all these bags.

1166
00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 1: Carrying and all that, and I said, be soft, I

1167
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 1: want you to just walk around and didn't know.

1168
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 2: I got you.

1169
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 3: I love that. And I'm going to tell you why

1170
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 3: I love it so much is because a lot of times,

1171
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:03,319
Speaker 3: you know, there's this whole movement of I want the

1172
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 3: feminine woman, you know La Terra's When I went to

1173
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 3: UH this year, me and my family, we went to

1174
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 3: the African American Museum and.

1175
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 4: History, the History in Washington, d C.

1176
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:19,440
Speaker 3: I wanted them to, you know, in case anything changes,

1177
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 3: But we took them, took my family there. And one

1178
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:25,880
Speaker 3: of the things that I noticed, I would I would

1179
00:57:25,920 --> 00:57:28,439
Speaker 3: go and look at the pictures and I would look

1180
00:57:28,520 --> 00:57:32,280
Speaker 3: into the eyes of the black women and and what

1181
00:57:32,440 --> 00:57:37,240
Speaker 3: brought me sadness is that I never saw femininity. I

1182
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:42,720
Speaker 3: saw hardness that trauma presented. I saw a hardness that

1183
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 3: work presented. And I said, God just really revealed the

1184
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:54,640
Speaker 3: requirement for femininity is that the estrogen levels of a

1185
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:58,560
Speaker 3: woman need to be higher than the man. And that

1186
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 3: comes from being able to feel safe taken care of

1187
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 3: running the bubble bath therapy brunches that literally raises your

1188
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 3: estrogen levels. And we have so much tystosterone in us

1189
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:16,200
Speaker 3: because we are required to be at them at offices

1190
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 3: and workplaces and things like that, or in the field

1191
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 3: and then raise kids. There is no covering, and there

1192
00:58:25,400 --> 00:58:28,480
Speaker 3: was no covering, and you could see there was no covering,

1193
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:30,720
Speaker 3: and so a lot of times what I have to

1194
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 3: talk to men about there is a price to pay

1195
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 3: for the feminine woman you want. If you don't, if

1196
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 3: you don't show up to pay for that price, don't

1197
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 3: expect it.

1198
00:58:40,720 --> 00:58:42,640
Speaker 4: But do not just think that it's going to be.

1199
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:44,920
Speaker 3: That would be like after you come from the fields,

1200
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 3: after you dine, worked all day, after you still raising

1201
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:51,680
Speaker 3: your kids and the master and then traumatized you, you're

1202
00:58:51,720 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 3: gonna still sit there and say I'm not attracted to

1203
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:56,400
Speaker 3: you because you're not feminine out here.

1204
00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 2: That's good.

1205
00:58:58,120 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 3: We've got to understand our DNA and we need to

1206
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 3: make sure that we step up as a people and

1207
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 3: protect protect women who are not even used to being protected,

1208
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:12,240
Speaker 3: to cover women who are not even used to seeing

1209
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:16,600
Speaker 3: that we're having that experience, knowing and and and once

1210
00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 3: we do that, we can cultivate the femininity and the

1211
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 3: woman and the e that she always desired in the

1212
00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 3: first place.

1213
00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 4: That's good, Okay, I'm coming off of.

1214
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:30,960
Speaker 2: Mine and that good, good, good, good good important it is.

1215
00:59:31,000 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 1: And I said, I'm glad that you said that, because

1216
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:35,800
Speaker 1: I always looked at it as the responsibility been on

1217
00:59:35,840 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: the man, you know, while our value to respect it

1218
00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 1: everything that Ashley has accomplished, you know, I just I

1219
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:45,920
Speaker 1: don't like that she has to work so hard. I'm

1220
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 1: always come and try to support her work. I'm like,

1221
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 1: you do it, but let me take a load off

1222
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:52,200
Speaker 1: of you. Still do what you do, but let me

1223
00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: take a load off of you, which we experienced last week.

1224
00:59:55,480 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

1225
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 2: We'll go. You can share that story about.

1226
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 5: New York out the flights to Canada.

1227
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:03,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So he.

1228
01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,080
Speaker 5: Was working as my assistant.

1229
01:00:07,720 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 6: He was working hard as my assistant to rebook my

1230
01:00:11,200 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 6: team so that they could make it to Toronto.

1231
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to flong with flight agents and the gate

1232
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 1: agents and all that working through stuff. I mean, it's

1233
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 1: just but that's what I believe. She does that a

1234
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,440
Speaker 1: lot for me, you know why we're doing trips before

1235
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:27,000
Speaker 1: we you know, we'll talk about that, how we curated

1236
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 1: this whole mystery bride thing, and how she would be

1237
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:32,000
Speaker 1: my role manager and help out with some stuff, and

1238
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:32,479
Speaker 1: you know.

1239
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 4: You know, and I'm always a balance. You know.

1240
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 3: If I'm going to touch on the men what they

1241
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 3: need to do for the woman, I'm also going to

1242
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 3: touch on the woman what they need to do for

1243
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,480
Speaker 3: the man. That's just how I roll. So I'm going

1244
01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 3: to also add to what I just said. It's so

1245
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 3: important that women who wants this masculine guy they not

1246
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 3: emasculate him. And the way to do that is through criticism.

1247
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 3: So a man, I believe inn eight knows that he

1248
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 3: is supposed to do the honor that God placed him in.

1249
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 3: And so what ends up happening is estrogen is released

1250
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:08,240
Speaker 3: in a man when we are critical, when he cannot

1251
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:10,840
Speaker 3: get it right, when he seems like he's given his

1252
01:01:10,920 --> 01:01:14,400
Speaker 3: best and he's always failing. And so as our mouths

1253
01:01:14,440 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 3: began to touch him with certain negative words and negative things,

1254
01:01:20,080 --> 01:01:25,120
Speaker 3: is that produces the estrogen in him. And so you're like,

1255
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,080
Speaker 3: why am I not attracted to you? You're not attracted

1256
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,440
Speaker 3: to what you have spoken out of him. You're not

1257
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 3: attracted to women, So that's why you're not attracted to

1258
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:38,520
Speaker 3: overly feminine, estrogen filled man that your words have created.

1259
01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:42,480
Speaker 3: And so I am just saying both need to take

1260
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:47,080
Speaker 3: care of each other to produce the spouses. And a

1261
01:01:47,080 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 3: lot of times when we see stuff like you all

1262
01:01:49,240 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 3: sitting on this couch, we think, oh, he spoke all

1263
01:01:52,280 --> 01:01:54,720
Speaker 3: these words and she just appeared to out the Scott. No,

1264
01:01:55,200 --> 01:01:59,760
Speaker 3: there is a process and is still ongoing. You don't

1265
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:01,720
Speaker 3: just you don't just show up on the couch and

1266
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 3: be You still are not You are still not the

1267
01:02:05,240 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 3: letters yet, but you will continue going from faith to

1268
01:02:10,160 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 3: faith and glory to glory. And I'm telling you that

1269
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 3: as a forty three year old woman with my husband

1270
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 3: right out there in the lobby, we each forty two years,

1271
01:02:20,120 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 3: forty two years married. It's not old, Jerry. It's so

1272
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:34,600
Speaker 3: important there it really is for you to.

1273
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:36,960
Speaker 2: We got to stop and just say congratulations, been married

1274
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:39,920
Speaker 2: for forty two years two. That is beautiful to me.

1275
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:42,520
Speaker 4: Let me tell you something. I am. I am blessed.

1276
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 3: But I tell couples all the time, that's not a

1277
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:49,919
Speaker 3: flex y'all, because you can have of You can have souls,

1278
01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:51,640
Speaker 3: not soul mats, but salemate.

1279
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,760
Speaker 4: You could be living with you'll sellmate.

1280
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 3: Wow, and so and we will sit there and congratulate

1281
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:01,920
Speaker 3: people for staying in trauma and call it godliness. And

1282
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,720
Speaker 3: that was just your low self esteem. That was not

1283
01:03:05,080 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 3: and that was you silence and muted by abuse. And

1284
01:03:08,080 --> 01:03:10,880
Speaker 3: so don't get me, don't take me there. Thank God.

1285
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:13,440
Speaker 3: I still like my husband and I love them, But

1286
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 3: the hardest part is liking them. Okay, the hardest part

1287
01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:20,720
Speaker 3: you will experience is not loving, because that's a decision.

1288
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:23,880
Speaker 4: You all have decided to love, but to like each other.

1289
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 4: Guess what.

1290
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 3: Sixty percent of people's UH couples have unresolved issues that

1291
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:33,360
Speaker 3: just are recurring and never resolve. Unless you clean up

1292
01:03:33,360 --> 01:03:36,440
Speaker 3: that pile in the corner of your room of unresolved,

1293
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:40,560
Speaker 3: you won't like your spouse. You you can not like

1294
01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:42,920
Speaker 3: your kids at certain points in their life, right, so

1295
01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:50,240
Speaker 3: you can not like them. So there was some points

1296
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:57,040
Speaker 3: in those teenage but do you see what I'm saying. Absolutely,

1297
01:03:57,880 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 3: it's really really important. And so well, let I love

1298
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 3: the fact of how you am at so I want

1299
01:04:04,680 --> 01:04:07,680
Speaker 3: to get to the connection. There was a point in

1300
01:04:07,720 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 3: when you all made a decision that he was coming

1301
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 3: out of the friend zone.

1302
01:04:12,400 --> 01:04:13,280
Speaker 4: So tell me about that.

1303
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:16,360
Speaker 1: So it was the last day of February. Just got

1304
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,480
Speaker 1: finished doing the podcast at Tasha Cobbs Church. There's always

1305
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 1: these moments happen when I'm doing the podcast. So I

1306
01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: did the podcast at Tasha Cobb Church. People have been

1307
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 1: prophesying over me that I was going to meet my

1308
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:29,919
Speaker 1: wife that year, well this year, in twenty twenty five,

1309
01:04:30,240 --> 01:04:31,439
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty four.

1310
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 2: In September twenty twenty four.

1311
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:34,960
Speaker 1: I prophesied that I'll be married by the end of

1312
01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five. And I remember when I did that podcast.

1313
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 1: Well before I did the podcast that day, I had

1314
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:45,000
Speaker 1: called you and we had our therapy session, and you

1315
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:48,120
Speaker 1: just started unearthing some stuff in my childhood that just

1316
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:51,680
Speaker 1: messed me up. And I just I remember just going

1317
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:56,320
Speaker 1: silent on that call and just crying profusely. I just

1318
01:04:56,320 --> 01:04:58,080
Speaker 1: couldn't even get words together. I said, I know I

1319
01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:00,360
Speaker 1: should be talking right now, but I just I just

1320
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm gone. So I was just crying. But it began

1321
01:05:03,200 --> 01:05:07,680
Speaker 1: to just unlock this desire that I ain't gonna say unlock.

1322
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:09,720
Speaker 1: It just reinstilled the hope that I had that when

1323
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:12,240
Speaker 1: I started looking over my life and when you start

1324
01:05:12,280 --> 01:05:14,880
Speaker 1: talking about the passion of love that I had for

1325
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 1: my mom, I was like, I want to get that

1326
01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:18,920
Speaker 1: to my wife, but I don't want to be so

1327
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:23,760
Speaker 1: damaged or jaded by people that I've dated in the past,

1328
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:27,600
Speaker 1: where I feel like making that step towards somebody would

1329
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:30,560
Speaker 1: just end up where it was wasted. It was it

1330
01:05:30,600 --> 01:05:32,880
Speaker 1: was just worthless, Like why you invest this time? I

1331
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:35,440
Speaker 1: didn't want to invest my time in another woman and

1332
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 1: it didn't go anywhere. I just I just didn't want

1333
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:37,880
Speaker 1: to do it.

1334
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 2: And so I had a conversation with you, and.

1335
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:46,080
Speaker 1: I told you that I had a conversation with you

1336
01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 1: a few weeks later, so on.

1337
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 2: That I had a dream.

1338
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 1: I had talked to Ashley the night that the next

1339
01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 1: night and she was talking on the phone.

1340
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:57,520
Speaker 2: I was talking the phone with her. She was in

1341
01:05:58,240 --> 01:05:59,040
Speaker 2: what city was that?

1342
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:03,240
Speaker 1: She was in Indiana where her male cousin she had

1343
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,520
Speaker 1: did an event there, and then her male cousin's friend

1344
01:06:06,680 --> 01:06:08,240
Speaker 1: was trying to holler at her, and so I was

1345
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 1: on the phone with her. She said, this guy keeps

1346
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:12,080
Speaker 1: trying to talk to me and trying to kiss on

1347
01:06:12,120 --> 01:06:12,880
Speaker 1: me and all this stuff.

1348
01:06:12,920 --> 01:06:14,480
Speaker 2: This this is very weird. This guy is strange.

1349
01:06:14,560 --> 01:06:16,640
Speaker 1: So I just laughed at it, got off the phone,

1350
01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:18,880
Speaker 1: had a dream that she was with this other guy,

1351
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:21,600
Speaker 1: and so I called her. I said, Hey, were you

1352
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:23,880
Speaker 1: with this guy last night? And she's talking about what

1353
01:06:23,960 --> 01:06:25,720
Speaker 1: I said, the guy that was firting with you? And

1354
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 1: she said no, no, what are you talking about? And

1355
01:06:29,400 --> 01:06:30,960
Speaker 1: I said, I just had this dream and it's the

1356
01:06:30,960 --> 01:06:33,439
Speaker 1: first time I ever ever felt jealous of you being

1357
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:36,560
Speaker 1: with the guy. And she said no, and I said oh.

1358
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:38,640
Speaker 1: I said, well, I need to unpack this. I know

1359
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 1: we've been friends for at that time about a year

1360
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:43,760
Speaker 1: and three months. And I said, so I want to

1361
01:06:44,040 --> 01:06:45,760
Speaker 1: I want to see if there's more to this. I

1362
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:49,480
Speaker 1: want to see if there's more beyond friendship. And uh,

1363
01:06:49,520 --> 01:06:50,960
Speaker 1: I said, I want to take you on a date.

1364
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 1: Because anytime I went to LA we would go to

1365
01:06:53,400 --> 01:06:55,040
Speaker 1: lunch or go to dinner whatever.

1366
01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:55,520
Speaker 2: Straight platonic.

1367
01:06:55,840 --> 01:06:57,440
Speaker 1: And so I said, I want to see something more,

1368
01:06:57,760 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 1: you know, something romantic between us. I said, okay. I said,

1369
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:04,160
Speaker 1: what's your earliest availability. He said, March the eighteenth. I

1370
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 1: booked the flight to LA on March eighteenth, and I said,

1371
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:09,360
Speaker 1: I will be seeing you on March eighteenth. And so

1372
01:07:09,680 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 1: from that time on, we just started talking more and more.

1373
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:15,919
Speaker 1: And I called my boy Kenny Lattimore, who's my best man,

1374
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:18,800
Speaker 1: and I said, where's a good place for me to

1375
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:21,120
Speaker 1: take her out in La? He told me this restaurant,

1376
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:24,400
Speaker 1: and I flew to La, took her on the took

1377
01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:27,240
Speaker 1: her on the date, but literally, probably about a few

1378
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:29,840
Speaker 1: days before I got there, I ended up telling her,

1379
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:33,280
Speaker 1: I said, you know what, I'm committed. Before the commitment,

1380
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm Finn, suspend all other options of dating other people.

1381
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:39,520
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm Finn. Just lock in with you. If

1382
01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:41,520
Speaker 1: it don't work out with you, it just don't work out.

1383
01:07:41,720 --> 01:07:44,960
Speaker 1: But I'm going to give you my undivided attention period

1384
01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:46,960
Speaker 1: and that's what I did. So on March the eighteenth,

1385
01:07:47,000 --> 01:07:47,720
Speaker 1: I didn't look back.

1386
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 3: So what happened on March eighteenth? What did you see

1387
01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,480
Speaker 3: an experience on the eighteenth? I'm talking to you now.

1388
01:07:55,720 --> 01:07:59,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, Well, on March eighteenth, he came to La. We

1389
01:07:59,200 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 5: went on our.

1390
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:05,120
Speaker 6: First date, and I knew after that date that we

1391
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:08,840
Speaker 6: could be more. So I'm still going through the process

1392
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:12,160
Speaker 6: of like, you know, my heart and wanting to see

1393
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:16,640
Speaker 6: actions and words aligned, and so for me, March was

1394
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:19,439
Speaker 6: a process of just hearing what he was saying, but

1395
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:22,400
Speaker 6: getting to see him kind of walk that out. And

1396
01:08:22,439 --> 01:08:25,920
Speaker 6: so on March the eighteenth, I was optimistic, but I

1397
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:28,720
Speaker 6: was I would say, cautiously optimistic.

1398
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 3: Okay, So he had went and placed himself in a

1399
01:08:32,240 --> 01:08:39,520
Speaker 3: committed relationship and you were still saying maybe.

1400
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 1: And what I meant by that from a commitment was

1401
01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:45,679
Speaker 1: that I didn't tell her that she couldn't date nobody else.

1402
01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:49,240
Speaker 1: I just said, listen, I'm just I'm not dating nobody else.

1403
01:08:49,400 --> 01:08:50,840
Speaker 1: I just didn't want no more distractions.

1404
01:08:50,920 --> 01:08:55,120
Speaker 4: So you, I mean, that was a very vulnerable move.

1405
01:08:56,040 --> 01:09:00,559
Speaker 3: And to place your heart into this is, this is

1406
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:04,360
Speaker 3: what I see, this is what I believe, and I'm

1407
01:09:04,400 --> 01:09:06,599
Speaker 3: going to act in this.

1408
01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:09,320
Speaker 4: Truth give you my almost like an act of faith.

1409
01:09:09,200 --> 01:09:12,920
Speaker 1: It was, and I did that a lot in the dating.

1410
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:16,040
Speaker 1: Even in the book, I wrote in before I've ever

1411
01:09:16,080 --> 01:09:19,760
Speaker 1: proposed to her. In the dedication of the book, I

1412
01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:24,120
Speaker 1: wrote in there to my you know, missus Ashley R. Whitfield.

1413
01:09:24,439 --> 01:09:26,200
Speaker 1: I called her my wife in the book. And when

1414
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:29,280
Speaker 1: I turned in the final copy the this is before

1415
01:09:29,400 --> 01:09:32,439
Speaker 1: I proposed. So my editor was like, I mean my

1416
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:35,519
Speaker 1: My editor was like, you sure you want to do

1417
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:38,280
Speaker 1: this and I said absolutely. She said, well, you stepping

1418
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:41,960
Speaker 1: big and she said, okay, that's a that's a very

1419
01:09:42,000 --> 01:09:42,559
Speaker 1: bold move.

1420
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:44,920
Speaker 2: And I was like, this is what I'm standing on it.

1421
01:09:45,200 --> 01:09:48,760
Speaker 1: But I I just it just don't get more intentional that.

1422
01:09:48,840 --> 01:09:51,040
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm always lead with intention. I want to

1423
01:09:51,080 --> 01:09:55,000
Speaker 1: show her that I was very intentional about her. I say,

1424
01:09:55,040 --> 01:09:59,200
Speaker 1: it's a difference between getting attention and intention, and so

1425
01:09:59,320 --> 01:10:03,080
Speaker 1: sometimes when and confuse attention with intention, and so I said,

1426
01:10:03,160 --> 01:10:04,920
Speaker 1: I want to show you you're used to God's giving

1427
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:05,759
Speaker 1: you a bunch of attention.

1428
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:07,280
Speaker 2: I'm going to give you intention.

1429
01:10:07,479 --> 01:10:10,440
Speaker 4: Now let's let's compare that to assumption.

1430
01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:11,320
Speaker 1: Hmm.

1431
01:10:12,560 --> 01:10:15,000
Speaker 3: I don't know what do you think was it? Did

1432
01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:19,120
Speaker 3: you assume? Did you hear from God? Did you is

1433
01:10:19,160 --> 01:10:21,160
Speaker 3: this faith? What was that?

1434
01:10:21,439 --> 01:10:24,240
Speaker 1: I just wanted to give her my best. And so

1435
01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:26,760
Speaker 1: even though she asked me, she was like, did you

1436
01:10:26,800 --> 01:10:28,640
Speaker 1: hear from God to say this? I said, no, I

1437
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,040
Speaker 1: didn't hear from God saying that. He just told me

1438
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:34,160
Speaker 1: I've become so rooted in my core values of what

1439
01:10:34,240 --> 01:10:36,720
Speaker 1: I desired in a woman. And she was that, So

1440
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:39,720
Speaker 1: I said, I remember telling her this in March. I said, listen,

1441
01:10:39,760 --> 01:10:41,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you my all.

1442
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,000
Speaker 1: If it doesn't work out, it's not gonna because of me,

1443
01:10:43,640 --> 01:10:45,240
Speaker 1: you know. I said, I'm gonna give you my all.

1444
01:10:45,520 --> 01:10:46,240
Speaker 4: That is so good.

1445
01:10:46,360 --> 01:10:48,320
Speaker 3: And this is the reason why I double back on

1446
01:10:48,360 --> 01:10:50,400
Speaker 3: that is because this is what I find. When people

1447
01:10:50,439 --> 01:10:52,960
Speaker 3: sit on the couch and are looking for they will

1448
01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:58,520
Speaker 3: do exactly what you did, expecting the exact same results. Yeah,

1449
01:10:58,560 --> 01:11:02,400
Speaker 3: and it's not a foreign is not. And there was

1450
01:11:02,439 --> 01:11:04,559
Speaker 3: a lot of vulnerability in there. There was a lot

1451
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:07,360
Speaker 3: of risk in there. And I'm not saying thank god

1452
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:10,280
Speaker 3: it worked out, but it was not God told me

1453
01:11:10,320 --> 01:11:12,960
Speaker 3: to do this because I've seen people by wedding dresses

1454
01:11:13,040 --> 01:11:15,639
Speaker 3: and God told me that, or man said that this

1455
01:11:15,680 --> 01:11:17,599
Speaker 3: is you gonna be my right, and it didn't work out.

1456
01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 4: Nobody. The feelings were not the same.

1457
01:11:19,560 --> 01:11:22,519
Speaker 3: So I just wanted to put the disclaimer on the

1458
01:11:22,560 --> 01:11:26,439
Speaker 3: package of this which you just did. You may not

1459
01:11:26,479 --> 01:11:28,560
Speaker 3: want to try to set home all the time, okay,

1460
01:11:28,720 --> 01:11:32,080
Speaker 3: and so you may you may not, But the best

1461
01:11:32,080 --> 01:11:35,000
Speaker 3: thing is to be led on your own, not by

1462
01:11:35,080 --> 01:11:37,760
Speaker 3: the lit of terrorists, but by God exactly.

1463
01:11:37,800 --> 01:11:39,799
Speaker 2: And because the reality was that.

1464
01:11:41,080 --> 01:11:42,560
Speaker 1: I just had to I remember you told me this,

1465
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:45,080
Speaker 1: So this is in one of our counseling sessions in March.

1466
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:49,080
Speaker 1: I said, Love, it's this woman that I've known for

1467
01:11:49,080 --> 01:11:50,800
Speaker 1: about a year and four months at that times a

1468
01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:53,439
Speaker 1: year and four months. And I said, we've been friends,

1469
01:11:53,520 --> 01:11:56,759
Speaker 1: We've been cool. She's asked me advice about gods, she's dated.

1470
01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:59,839
Speaker 1: I've given the advice, and we just really really solid.

1471
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 1: I just really like as a friend. And we just

1472
01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:04,639
Speaker 1: went on our first day a week or so ago,

1473
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:08,200
Speaker 1: and you know, I said that I was going to

1474
01:12:08,320 --> 01:12:10,280
Speaker 1: be married by the end of this year.

1475
01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:13,240
Speaker 2: Like now, this got me a little nervous.

1476
01:12:12,920 --> 01:12:15,479
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. So what is this you said?

1477
01:12:15,960 --> 01:12:18,400
Speaker 1: You challenged me, You basically called me a whimp. Without

1478
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:21,240
Speaker 1: calling me a whimp, you said, well, you always said

1479
01:12:21,240 --> 01:12:23,240
Speaker 1: you want to go from friend to fiance, so now

1480
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:25,959
Speaker 1: here's your chance stand on it. And then you said,

1481
01:12:26,120 --> 01:12:30,519
Speaker 1: what if you were giving her advice, teaching her, teaching

1482
01:12:30,560 --> 01:12:32,360
Speaker 1: her how to treat you by the advice you were

1483
01:12:32,400 --> 01:12:35,280
Speaker 1: giving her on treating these other guys. And when I said,

1484
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:37,479
Speaker 1: when you said that to me, I was like, oh

1485
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:41,760
Speaker 1: my god, what if that's Wow? That's powerful. And so

1486
01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:45,040
Speaker 1: I said, okay, and you said, so go ahead, this

1487
01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:46,120
Speaker 1: is gonna take courage.

1488
01:12:46,280 --> 01:12:48,000
Speaker 3: I love that you brought that up because now that

1489
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:50,840
Speaker 3: gives me the freedom to bring this up. And then

1490
01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:52,840
Speaker 3: the reason why, because you know I'm gonna keep a

1491
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:54,920
Speaker 3: confidential till you bring it up. You bring it up, okay,

1492
01:12:54,960 --> 01:12:57,960
Speaker 3: you love it on the open field. This is the thing.

1493
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,719
Speaker 3: What you what You may not realize about that at Ashley.

1494
01:13:01,160 --> 01:13:04,400
Speaker 3: He had never we had in our concert session. We

1495
01:13:04,479 --> 01:13:09,080
Speaker 3: never talked about future wifey. We had not to that moment,

1496
01:13:09,439 --> 01:13:14,720
Speaker 3: had anything. We were unpacking traumas and family and la

1497
01:13:14,760 --> 01:13:19,000
Speaker 3: terrace himself and it was all about it had nothing

1498
01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:21,599
Speaker 3: to do. And at the end and if the session

1499
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:27,559
Speaker 3: had gone over, he really he decides to say five

1500
01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:29,680
Speaker 3: the way.

1501
01:13:30,160 --> 01:13:31,240
Speaker 4: That's when I knew it was fear.

1502
01:13:31,920 --> 01:13:34,599
Speaker 3: That's when I knew it was fear because I said, oh,

1503
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:40,639
Speaker 3: so he decides, I'm out here, but should I tell

1504
01:13:40,680 --> 01:13:45,080
Speaker 3: her because maybe I would be forced to do go

1505
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:48,599
Speaker 3: beyond my comfort zone, do extra work. And that's when

1506
01:13:48,640 --> 01:13:50,840
Speaker 3: I was just like, I am not gonna coddle you.

1507
01:13:50,880 --> 01:13:58,920
Speaker 2: Sir, take courage.

1508
01:13:54,920 --> 01:14:00,920
Speaker 1: I'm afraid it's a moment right now.

1509
01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:02,320
Speaker 2: And I was like, I am.

1510
01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:07,840
Speaker 1: I said, I was afraid because I had literally prophesied

1511
01:14:07,840 --> 01:14:10,080
Speaker 1: that I'd be married by the end of day end

1512
01:14:10,080 --> 01:14:12,840
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty five, and I was like, how is

1513
01:14:12,840 --> 01:14:14,880
Speaker 1: that going to happen? And we just went on our

1514
01:14:14,880 --> 01:14:19,040
Speaker 1: first date on March the eighteenth, and the fact of

1515
01:14:19,640 --> 01:14:22,840
Speaker 1: here it is my friend who told me that she's

1516
01:14:22,920 --> 01:14:26,240
Speaker 1: trying to wrestle with getting me out the friend zone

1517
01:14:26,280 --> 01:14:28,960
Speaker 1: in her mind and leaning into me. One of the

1518
01:14:28,960 --> 01:14:31,360
Speaker 1: conversations that we had, we had a conversation where she

1519
01:14:31,439 --> 01:14:32,840
Speaker 1: said she straight up told me.

1520
01:14:32,880 --> 01:14:35,000
Speaker 2: I said, why wouldn't I say certain stuff.

1521
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:37,760
Speaker 1: It's not landing like it shouldn't land And I said,

1522
01:14:37,760 --> 01:14:39,760
Speaker 1: I'm telling you this stuff. I'm being intentional with you,

1523
01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:41,320
Speaker 1: and it is not landing. She said, well, tell you're

1524
01:14:41,320 --> 01:14:43,680
Speaker 1: not me. God say stuff. She said, I've heard it

1525
01:14:43,760 --> 01:14:45,839
Speaker 1: all from guys. God say a whole lot of stuff.

1526
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:48,719
Speaker 1: And then she said, but nobody has produced a ring yet,

1527
01:14:48,880 --> 01:14:54,000
Speaker 1: Nobody has been that intentional. And I said, Okay, if

1528
01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:55,960
Speaker 1: you don't have a ring on your finger by September

1529
01:14:55,960 --> 01:14:58,280
Speaker 1: the first, then block me, because that means I was

1530
01:14:58,320 --> 01:15:02,000
Speaker 1: another guy that played with you wasted your time. This

1531
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:06,560
Speaker 1: woman set up a Google calendar request said block Plataris

1532
01:15:06,600 --> 01:15:07,880
Speaker 1: by September.

1533
01:15:09,160 --> 01:15:12,360
Speaker 2: A reg on my finger and invited me to the

1534
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:13,160
Speaker 2: calendar request.

1535
01:15:13,520 --> 01:15:16,200
Speaker 1: I said, okay, all right, but in that moment I

1536
01:15:16,200 --> 01:15:18,559
Speaker 1: had already planned to propose to her in July.

1537
01:15:19,040 --> 01:15:23,719
Speaker 3: Wow, you know this is a good insert for truth

1538
01:15:23,840 --> 01:15:29,720
Speaker 3: versus myth because I think, like myth is, Ashley was

1539
01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:34,679
Speaker 3: this thirsty girl who kind of sought Latis out because

1540
01:15:34,720 --> 01:15:37,280
Speaker 3: she was so busy looking for her husband.

1541
01:15:37,560 --> 01:15:38,840
Speaker 4: What is the truth about that?

1542
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:45,880
Speaker 3: And I'm asking you because I will say, and I'm

1543
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:47,640
Speaker 3: not going to give you the answer to that, but

1544
01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:52,360
Speaker 3: i will say, from my perspective, that's probably the furthest

1545
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:55,439
Speaker 3: from the truth. And I was kind of really shocked

1546
01:15:55,600 --> 01:15:59,080
Speaker 3: that it wasn't the truth because I saw you, like,

1547
01:15:59,720 --> 01:16:03,280
Speaker 3: if this don't work out, I don't care if your

1548
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:05,679
Speaker 3: name is Latis or whatever deuces.

1549
01:16:06,040 --> 01:16:11,320
Speaker 4: And I saw you have the have the courage and.

1550
01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:14,320
Speaker 3: The ability for it to be right, soul foil until

1551
01:16:14,320 --> 01:16:15,280
Speaker 3: you would have walked away.

1552
01:16:15,800 --> 01:16:22,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, I like I said, I want what God wants

1553
01:16:22,920 --> 01:16:27,680
Speaker 6: for me. I saw that, and I wanted to make sure.

1554
01:16:27,400 --> 01:16:31,720
Speaker 5: That this was that I knew Latteris.

1555
01:16:31,760 --> 01:16:35,400
Speaker 6: He was one of my best friends and I also

1556
01:16:35,400 --> 01:16:37,559
Speaker 6: didn't want to mess that up, right, Like I was like,

1557
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:41,280
Speaker 6: oh man, he's been so influential in my life as

1558
01:16:41,280 --> 01:16:44,920
Speaker 6: a friend and that's working, and right, I don't know

1559
01:16:44,920 --> 01:16:46,719
Speaker 6: if this other thing is gonna work.

1560
01:16:47,479 --> 01:16:48,880
Speaker 5: And so I took my time.

1561
01:16:49,560 --> 01:16:51,879
Speaker 6: But the most important thing that I wanted to preserve

1562
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:54,559
Speaker 6: was the friendship that we had. And I was worried,

1563
01:16:54,640 --> 01:16:56,800
Speaker 6: like if this don't go well, do I lose that?

1564
01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:58,880
Speaker 6: Like now I don't have my friend? Like now who

1565
01:16:58,880 --> 01:16:59,960
Speaker 6: am I praying with on Friday?

1566
01:17:00,520 --> 01:17:02,719
Speaker 5: Who am I doing praise and worship with at home

1567
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:05,480
Speaker 5: in the living room? On YouTube?

1568
01:17:05,600 --> 01:17:08,639
Speaker 2: Just looking up on what'sappen on.

1569
01:17:08,520 --> 01:17:13,120
Speaker 6: WhatsApp because you should have an iPhone, but because.

1570
01:17:12,800 --> 01:17:14,240
Speaker 5: You have the Android, we have to do it on

1571
01:17:14,280 --> 01:17:19,800
Speaker 5: what's happened anyway. Yeah, I.

1572
01:17:22,280 --> 01:17:26,120
Speaker 6: Really wanted to hear from God, and I knew that

1573
01:17:26,680 --> 01:17:30,400
Speaker 6: God had been blessing me in my single season more

1574
01:17:30,439 --> 01:17:34,040
Speaker 6: than I could ever have imagined. But I know that

1575
01:17:34,240 --> 01:17:38,880
Speaker 6: this decision is the most important decision that you can

1576
01:17:38,920 --> 01:17:39,639
Speaker 6: make in life.

1577
01:17:39,720 --> 01:17:40,040
Speaker 3: And so.

1578
01:17:41,600 --> 01:17:45,599
Speaker 6: I was a little bit slower to come around. And

1579
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:50,439
Speaker 6: I'm just really grateful that Lateri's had the courage. I'm

1580
01:17:50,439 --> 01:17:54,040
Speaker 6: really grateful that you worked with him, and like I said,

1581
01:17:54,120 --> 01:17:57,920
Speaker 6: he is my atom. Where I didn't have vision, he

1582
01:17:58,000 --> 01:18:02,160
Speaker 6: did and he didn't give up on me. So he said,

1583
01:18:02,880 --> 01:18:06,400
Speaker 6: you may not see all of the core values and

1584
01:18:06,520 --> 01:18:11,520
Speaker 6: alignment that I'm seeing, but for me, that's true submission.

1585
01:18:12,680 --> 01:18:16,559
Speaker 6: And it's been amazing to see the vision and even

1586
01:18:16,680 --> 01:18:20,840
Speaker 6: for him to share areas that I didn't see where

1587
01:18:20,880 --> 01:18:23,080
Speaker 6: we were connecting because I'm just like, this is my friend,

1588
01:18:23,120 --> 01:18:25,479
Speaker 6: but of course we're connecting in all of these ways,

1589
01:18:25,560 --> 01:18:29,160
Speaker 6: because this is why he's my friend. And so that

1590
01:18:29,400 --> 01:18:32,519
Speaker 6: I would say to people who are you know, I

1591
01:18:32,840 --> 01:18:36,639
Speaker 6: understand that expression, like I've friendzoned my husband more now

1592
01:18:36,680 --> 01:18:41,639
Speaker 6: than ever because those similarities that you feel, or those

1593
01:18:41,880 --> 01:18:44,280
Speaker 6: points that make you want to draw to that person,

1594
01:18:45,240 --> 01:18:48,680
Speaker 6: or that just transparency that you feel that maybe you

1595
01:18:48,760 --> 01:18:51,040
Speaker 6: don't feel with the person who you're dating because you

1596
01:18:51,080 --> 01:18:53,479
Speaker 6: feel like you have to perform or you have to

1597
01:18:53,520 --> 01:18:56,280
Speaker 6: be your best self. Like he didn't get my best self,

1598
01:18:56,280 --> 01:18:58,080
Speaker 6: he just got the real version of me. I'm like,

1599
01:18:58,120 --> 01:19:01,040
Speaker 6: oh my gosh, I'm dealing with you know whatever it was.

1600
01:19:01,360 --> 01:19:04,280
Speaker 6: And he never said wow, you know, he always just said, well,

1601
01:19:04,360 --> 01:19:07,920
Speaker 6: let me help you. And that is why it was

1602
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:13,160
Speaker 6: so easy to say, okay, God, I see what you did.

1603
01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:18,200
Speaker 6: You hid him from me, yes, so that I could

1604
01:19:18,320 --> 01:19:21,839
Speaker 6: he could mend parts of my heart that were broken,

1605
01:19:22,600 --> 01:19:25,799
Speaker 6: and that he could allow me to say he got

1606
01:19:25,800 --> 01:19:30,800
Speaker 6: to see me like which is real intimacy, right, He

1607
01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:33,479
Speaker 6: got to see a different side of me because it

1608
01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:38,920
Speaker 6: wasn't showered in me trying to perform to be around

1609
01:19:39,000 --> 01:19:42,559
Speaker 6: him or to you know, get the man that quote

1610
01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:45,559
Speaker 6: unquote the girls who moved to Dallas wanted or whatever.

1611
01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:50,479
Speaker 6: I was authentically myself and then we were both able

1612
01:19:50,520 --> 01:19:52,400
Speaker 6: to say you're who I want.

1613
01:19:52,920 --> 01:19:55,599
Speaker 3: I love that part And the reason why I wanted

1614
01:19:55,640 --> 01:19:58,519
Speaker 3: to kind of bring that out is because it's a

1615
01:19:58,840 --> 01:20:03,320
Speaker 3: very vulnerable place to be a woman, and a lot

1616
01:20:03,360 --> 01:20:05,120
Speaker 3: of times this is This is one of the things

1617
01:20:05,160 --> 01:20:09,879
Speaker 3: that I have seen is working with Relationship Certified Relationship,

1618
01:20:09,920 --> 01:20:12,920
Speaker 3: Marriage and Family counselor one of the things that I've

1619
01:20:12,920 --> 01:20:18,600
Speaker 3: seen is that women have this learned helplessness when it

1620
01:20:18,680 --> 01:20:22,600
Speaker 3: comes to being able to believe.

1621
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:23,280
Speaker 4: That they can be chosen.

1622
01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:28,800
Speaker 3: They they give all of their power to the man

1623
01:20:28,960 --> 01:20:33,320
Speaker 3: to choose, but they have a choice too. Absolutely, you

1624
01:20:33,520 --> 01:20:36,080
Speaker 3: have to be a part of this choice. Just because

1625
01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:39,479
Speaker 3: somebody chooses you and they're the wrong person. Does not

1626
01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:45,320
Speaker 3: mean out of of uh feeling that you are going

1627
01:20:45,360 --> 01:20:51,599
Speaker 3: to scarcity exactly, scarcity mindset. You decide that I am

1628
01:20:51,600 --> 01:20:54,080
Speaker 3: going to receive this or accept it. And that's the

1629
01:20:54,080 --> 01:20:56,200
Speaker 3: part that I wanted to to bring out about you.

1630
01:20:56,600 --> 01:20:59,360
Speaker 3: I did admire the fact that you, no matter how

1631
01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:01,639
Speaker 3: good Terrace was and he was good to he's been

1632
01:21:01,680 --> 01:21:04,880
Speaker 3: good to you. He was very intentional, had all of

1633
01:21:04,880 --> 01:21:07,160
Speaker 3: the things. You knew where he was going. You know

1634
01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:09,559
Speaker 3: what train you got on? We going to the marriage train.

1635
01:21:10,040 --> 01:21:12,759
Speaker 3: And this ain't because sometimes women get on this training

1636
01:21:12,840 --> 01:21:15,000
Speaker 3: and it's like where are we?

1637
01:21:15,160 --> 01:21:17,120
Speaker 4: What are we? Like where you're going?

1638
01:21:17,240 --> 01:21:19,120
Speaker 3: You know, Oh no, no, I'm not going over there

1639
01:21:19,120 --> 01:21:21,000
Speaker 3: to the marriage but that's not what this train is.

1640
01:21:21,120 --> 01:21:22,760
Speaker 3: You better get off at the next stop because you're

1641
01:21:22,760 --> 01:21:25,000
Speaker 3: trying to get to the marriage and so, but you

1642
01:21:25,400 --> 01:21:28,599
Speaker 3: knew what train you were on, but you still decided

1643
01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:31,320
Speaker 3: I still have a choice on whether I'm gonna go

1644
01:21:31,600 --> 01:21:36,960
Speaker 3: that far. Absolutely, And I love the fact that age

1645
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:41,040
Speaker 3: didn't make you desperate enough to jump on that train

1646
01:21:41,720 --> 01:21:45,120
Speaker 3: in spite of because I saw if this does not align,

1647
01:21:45,880 --> 01:21:48,639
Speaker 3: guess what you can. I'm sure you'll make it there.

1648
01:21:49,200 --> 01:21:50,840
Speaker 3: But I won't be on the seat in the seat

1649
01:21:50,880 --> 01:21:51,320
Speaker 3: next to you.

1650
01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:53,960
Speaker 1: It was two moments too that she also wanted to

1651
01:21:54,000 --> 01:21:57,320
Speaker 1: clear up, is that when when you were in the car,

1652
01:21:57,400 --> 01:21:59,920
Speaker 1: and we've shared this before, whether it's New York time

1653
01:22:00,120 --> 01:22:03,479
Speaker 1: or whatever, we'd have been all kind of publications. What

1654
01:22:03,760 --> 01:22:06,599
Speaker 1: clarity would you want to bring about when you heard

1655
01:22:06,720 --> 01:22:11,120
Speaker 1: my voice on the Diffue WiFi podcast about saying that, yeah,

1656
01:22:11,120 --> 01:22:11,640
Speaker 1: I'll share it.

1657
01:22:12,240 --> 01:22:15,559
Speaker 6: Well, when I was driving on the freeway, I was

1658
01:22:15,640 --> 01:22:19,320
Speaker 6: listening to your podcast, and I knew that he carried

1659
01:22:19,360 --> 01:22:22,840
Speaker 6: the sound of my husband. I think someone said that

1660
01:22:22,920 --> 01:22:25,479
Speaker 6: I heard his voice and I knew he was my husband.

1661
01:22:25,960 --> 01:22:30,240
Speaker 6: I didn't know that I knew that God the way

1662
01:22:30,320 --> 01:22:33,559
Speaker 6: he sounded what he was communicating like, I heard his

1663
01:22:33,720 --> 01:22:36,320
Speaker 6: voice and I knew that that was what my husband

1664
01:22:36,360 --> 01:22:39,000
Speaker 6: would sound like. Now I was in LA and I

1665
01:22:39,040 --> 01:22:41,080
Speaker 6: knew he was in you know, somewhere else. I don't

1666
01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:43,040
Speaker 6: think I knew exactly where you were. But I was like,

1667
01:22:43,160 --> 01:22:45,880
Speaker 6: our paths don't cross. I'm never going to meet him,

1668
01:22:46,200 --> 01:22:49,559
Speaker 6: So I wasn't. I wasn't trying to like find him

1669
01:22:49,600 --> 01:22:53,120
Speaker 6: on Instagram or tell him that, you know, God told

1670
01:22:53,160 --> 01:22:55,679
Speaker 6: me he was the one that very much.

1671
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:57,200
Speaker 1: Wasn't because that would have turned me off out of

1672
01:22:57,240 --> 01:22:59,519
Speaker 1: ran for the heels, because I got so many women

1673
01:22:59,560 --> 01:23:01,680
Speaker 1: saying that, so that would have scared me. But but

1674
01:23:01,920 --> 01:23:03,360
Speaker 1: and she took a long time to tell me that,

1675
01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:06,880
Speaker 1: like I had been like extremely intentional with her, and

1676
01:23:06,920 --> 01:23:08,439
Speaker 1: I was like, good Lord, what is going on?

1677
01:23:08,520 --> 01:23:10,160
Speaker 2: And she said, let me tell you this story? And

1678
01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:12,000
Speaker 2: she told me. I was like, well, why are you

1679
01:23:12,080 --> 01:23:14,439
Speaker 2: making me work so hard? You said that, like what

1680
01:23:14,600 --> 01:23:14,920
Speaker 2: is that?

1681
01:23:15,040 --> 01:23:17,320
Speaker 1: And then she had another moment where her friend Daphne

1682
01:23:17,320 --> 01:23:20,640
Speaker 1: shout out to Daphne her matron of honor, that's what

1683
01:23:20,760 --> 01:23:23,640
Speaker 1: called her. Matron of honors shared that, well, you're the

1684
01:23:23,720 --> 01:23:25,599
Speaker 1: shell story you share March seventh.

1685
01:23:25,640 --> 01:23:29,000
Speaker 6: Of March seventh, she called me. She said, I can't

1686
01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:32,960
Speaker 6: shake this. The Holy Spirit, you know, keeps working on me.

1687
01:23:33,200 --> 01:23:35,320
Speaker 6: And lateris is your husband?

1688
01:23:36,760 --> 01:23:41,040
Speaker 5: I said? And to her, I said, I know.

1689
01:23:42,439 --> 01:23:45,080
Speaker 6: And he felt like I should have shared with him

1690
01:23:45,080 --> 01:23:47,160
Speaker 6: in that moment that I said, I knew, but I

1691
01:23:47,240 --> 01:23:50,400
Speaker 6: knew what God was doing and I wanted to let

1692
01:23:50,560 --> 01:23:55,120
Speaker 6: it play out. I wanted to walk it out because

1693
01:23:55,200 --> 01:23:56,639
Speaker 6: I know that.

1694
01:23:58,080 --> 01:23:59,160
Speaker 5: The Bible says.

1695
01:23:58,920 --> 01:24:02,160
Speaker 6: To be sober and be vigilant for your adversary go

1696
01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:05,599
Speaker 6: with about seeking who he can devour. And I knew

1697
01:24:05,600 --> 01:24:08,240
Speaker 6: for me, my heart was one of the areas where

1698
01:24:08,360 --> 01:24:11,439
Speaker 6: if I moved too quickly, if I exposed like he

1699
01:24:11,439 --> 01:24:13,640
Speaker 6: would know because I told him right. So I just

1700
01:24:13,680 --> 01:24:16,680
Speaker 6: knew everything had to happen in its time. And it

1701
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:19,360
Speaker 6: wasn't that I didn't want him to know that I

1702
01:24:19,400 --> 01:24:22,800
Speaker 6: had received that information, but again, I just wanted to

1703
01:24:22,880 --> 01:24:27,160
Speaker 6: let his actions and his words align, And so.

1704
01:24:27,200 --> 01:24:29,200
Speaker 1: I told her for the first two months of us

1705
01:24:29,240 --> 01:24:30,920
Speaker 1: day nice to joke and be like, why don't you

1706
01:24:30,920 --> 01:24:32,240
Speaker 1: just have the faith of Daphne?

1707
01:24:32,320 --> 01:24:34,240
Speaker 2: Because Deafhne said something so key.

1708
01:24:34,280 --> 01:24:38,880
Speaker 1: She said, she said, God said that's your husband because

1709
01:24:38,880 --> 01:24:42,200
Speaker 1: he has a good heart. And the woman I dated

1710
01:24:42,280 --> 01:24:44,920
Speaker 1: prior to her said, if it don't work out with me,

1711
01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:48,679
Speaker 1: just know whoever you decide to get with, make sure

1712
01:24:48,720 --> 01:24:51,160
Speaker 1: that they protect your heart because you have a good heart.

1713
01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:53,000
Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, this is interesting.

1714
01:24:53,200 --> 01:24:57,200
Speaker 1: So when she said that, like literally probably two months later,

1715
01:24:57,640 --> 01:25:00,160
Speaker 1: I was like, well, why did you just tell me that?

1716
01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:03,200
Speaker 1: Like that was so much confirmation. You got me out here,

1717
01:25:03,479 --> 01:25:05,760
Speaker 1: like why can't why aren't my words landing? Why is

1718
01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:08,720
Speaker 1: this not working? What's going on? And I used to

1719
01:25:08,760 --> 01:25:10,759
Speaker 1: joke with every like, just have the faith of Daphne.

1720
01:25:10,800 --> 01:25:13,519
Speaker 1: You just have the faith of Daphne, because she never

1721
01:25:13,560 --> 01:25:15,800
Speaker 1: said that. What she said back to her was, I know,

1722
01:25:16,240 --> 01:25:19,600
Speaker 1: she just said, Daphne told me this. And so for

1723
01:25:19,680 --> 01:25:21,719
Speaker 1: all this, you know, for weeks and weeks and weeks,

1724
01:25:21,760 --> 01:25:23,920
Speaker 1: I kept saying, I don't know why you can't see

1725
01:25:23,920 --> 01:25:24,639
Speaker 1: what Daphne said.

1726
01:25:24,640 --> 01:25:27,360
Speaker 2: You have the faith of Daphne. So shout out to Daphne.

1727
01:25:27,720 --> 01:25:28,679
Speaker 4: Shout out to Daphne.

1728
01:25:30,200 --> 01:25:33,519
Speaker 1: Oh what I told her. One day Albanir and Amber

1729
01:25:33,560 --> 01:25:35,839
Speaker 1: were on the podcast. So this is the month of February,

1730
01:25:35,880 --> 01:25:38,519
Speaker 1: and February just everything just started coming to her head.

1731
01:25:38,880 --> 01:25:43,439
Speaker 1: In the month of February Albanir and Amber. Albanir had

1732
01:25:43,479 --> 01:25:47,320
Speaker 1: moved to Dallas, forsaken all others, so he left the

1733
01:25:47,400 --> 01:25:50,000
Speaker 1: church he was with who you know who passed. It

1734
01:25:50,040 --> 01:25:51,599
Speaker 1: wasn't in the line with them getting married and all

1735
01:25:51,600 --> 01:25:54,000
Speaker 1: that stuff. So he came and did the came and

1736
01:25:54,000 --> 01:25:56,960
Speaker 1: did the podcast had a new start in Dallas. Literally

1737
01:25:57,000 --> 01:25:58,720
Speaker 1: like four days after he moved to Dallas. It came

1738
01:25:58,720 --> 01:26:02,120
Speaker 1: into podcast and they sharing their story with me. Prior

1739
01:26:02,160 --> 01:26:04,000
Speaker 1: to the podcast, went out to eat and he shared

1740
01:26:04,040 --> 01:26:06,439
Speaker 1: it with me at Papado's and then on the podcast

1741
01:26:06,439 --> 01:26:07,040
Speaker 1: he shared it.

1742
01:26:07,160 --> 01:26:08,160
Speaker 2: So I called up asked.

1743
01:26:08,240 --> 01:26:11,160
Speaker 1: I said, man, I need you to watch this episode

1744
01:26:11,640 --> 01:26:16,559
Speaker 1: with Albiner and Amber. I said, tell me what you

1745
01:26:16,560 --> 01:26:19,320
Speaker 1: think about it, because he had met her at one

1746
01:26:19,360 --> 01:26:22,240
Speaker 1: of their live events. His live event, he said, he

1747
01:26:22,280 --> 01:26:24,200
Speaker 1: normally don't be out there in the libry talking to

1748
01:26:24,240 --> 01:26:26,800
Speaker 1: women and you know, spending private time with them.

1749
01:26:27,040 --> 01:26:30,519
Speaker 2: And I said, and her friend had told her.

1750
01:26:31,240 --> 01:26:34,760
Speaker 1: Her sister said that's your husband, and she's like, girl,

1751
01:26:34,760 --> 01:26:38,120
Speaker 1: you crazy. But prior to that, he had told she

1752
01:26:38,240 --> 01:26:41,920
Speaker 1: was watching a YouTube video and said he sounds like

1753
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:42,559
Speaker 1: my husband.

1754
01:26:43,160 --> 01:26:45,840
Speaker 2: And she said, but I'll probably never ever meet him.

1755
01:26:46,360 --> 01:26:49,000
Speaker 1: He comes on tour, comes to Dallas, saying the meeting

1756
01:26:49,040 --> 01:26:50,960
Speaker 1: each other, she wasn't going to stay around and talk

1757
01:26:51,040 --> 01:26:53,519
Speaker 1: to him. She was just like, I'm gonna leave. It's

1758
01:26:53,560 --> 01:26:55,439
Speaker 1: gonna be all these other people in his face. And

1759
01:26:55,439 --> 01:26:58,120
Speaker 1: her sister said, no, just theay, just say hi to

1760
01:26:58,200 --> 01:27:00,800
Speaker 1: him or something. She stayed said hi to them, and

1761
01:27:00,840 --> 01:27:03,200
Speaker 1: they ended up having a connection a little later and

1762
01:27:03,280 --> 01:27:06,040
Speaker 1: ended up getting married. And so when I was watching,

1763
01:27:06,040 --> 01:27:09,320
Speaker 1: when I was interviewing them, we were sitting at Popados

1764
01:27:09,320 --> 01:27:11,240
Speaker 1: and they were talking first, and they were sharing the

1765
01:27:11,320 --> 01:27:14,000
Speaker 1: story and actually her face kept popping up in my

1766
01:27:14,479 --> 01:27:15,320
Speaker 1: mind and I.

1767
01:27:15,280 --> 01:27:16,679
Speaker 2: Said, this is strange.

1768
01:27:16,720 --> 01:27:19,839
Speaker 1: It sounds like so now I waited till the episode released.

1769
01:27:19,880 --> 01:27:23,160
Speaker 1: I said, Ashley, watch the episode. I just did, you know,

1770
01:27:23,280 --> 01:27:25,600
Speaker 1: to see if she's gonna say, hey, this reminds me

1771
01:27:25,640 --> 01:27:26,240
Speaker 1: of us.

1772
01:27:26,640 --> 01:27:29,639
Speaker 2: No, didn't work out. She watched that episode and did

1773
01:27:29,720 --> 01:27:30,599
Speaker 2: you even watch the episode?

1774
01:27:30,720 --> 01:27:33,160
Speaker 5: I did. It was so good. It was really good.

1775
01:27:33,240 --> 01:27:34,799
Speaker 2: Didn't even she didn't even see the connection.

1776
01:27:34,920 --> 01:27:38,040
Speaker 1: I just said, Okay, that didn't land like I needed

1777
01:27:38,040 --> 01:27:41,559
Speaker 1: to land, I said February. So then I lean into

1778
01:27:41,960 --> 01:27:43,680
Speaker 1: going off saying you know what I can come you

1779
01:27:43,680 --> 01:27:46,080
Speaker 1: by these other guys. And then later on, about a

1780
01:27:46,120 --> 01:27:48,679
Speaker 1: week later, I ended up telling her straight up like, hey, listen,

1781
01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,160
Speaker 1: this is what it is. I want to take you

1782
01:27:51,240 --> 01:27:52,800
Speaker 1: out on a date. I just want to see if

1783
01:27:52,840 --> 01:27:55,120
Speaker 1: we can see each other from a romantic standpoint.

1784
01:27:55,200 --> 01:27:57,640
Speaker 4: Bible says, take courage. It didn't take him. Courage, it

1785
01:27:57,840 --> 01:28:01,799
Speaker 4: take it, so you gotta take it now. Okay.

1786
01:28:01,840 --> 01:28:05,840
Speaker 3: So we have gone from single to seeing each other

1787
01:28:06,200 --> 01:28:10,639
Speaker 3: to connecting with each other, and now we are ladies

1788
01:28:10,720 --> 01:28:13,400
Speaker 3: and gentlemen, I present to you for the first time

1789
01:28:13,439 --> 01:28:20,799
Speaker 3: on this podcast, mister and missus La Terra's with Phil. Yes, okay, now,

1790
01:28:21,400 --> 01:28:25,120
Speaker 3: what are some of the best surprises that you have

1791
01:28:25,240 --> 01:28:27,720
Speaker 3: received since marriage? And I'm not talking about gifts. I'm

1792
01:28:27,720 --> 01:28:30,240
Speaker 3: just saying, just like, oh, look at that perk.

1793
01:28:30,640 --> 01:28:31,479
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna tell you this.

1794
01:28:31,960 --> 01:28:34,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you a moment as we were dating

1795
01:28:34,280 --> 01:28:37,840
Speaker 1: that that was just a guy moment we were I

1796
01:28:37,960 --> 01:28:41,560
Speaker 1: was on WhatsApp, I said on FaceTime, but I was

1797
01:28:41,600 --> 01:28:44,160
Speaker 1: on Wedsay. I'm talking to her and I was shaving

1798
01:28:44,200 --> 01:28:47,920
Speaker 1: my head. I had my shirt off, and I have

1799
01:28:47,960 --> 01:28:52,160
Speaker 1: a birthmark on my right rib and she said, hey,

1800
01:28:53,080 --> 01:28:56,200
Speaker 1: I got that same birthmark. I said, are you for real?

1801
01:28:56,360 --> 01:28:58,840
Speaker 1: She said yeah, and then she showed me her rib.

1802
01:28:58,920 --> 01:29:03,800
Speaker 1: We have the exact matching birthmarks on our rib, on

1803
01:29:03,840 --> 01:29:07,280
Speaker 1: our right rib. When I said why, it blew me away.

1804
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:11,320
Speaker 1: First of all, my birthday March twenty, nineteen seventy eight.

1805
01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:14,679
Speaker 1: Her birthday is Marton thirty first, nineteen eighty eight, where

1806
01:29:14,720 --> 01:29:20,600
Speaker 1: exactly ten years two days apart. My name is lateris r. Whitfield,

1807
01:29:20,880 --> 01:29:24,160
Speaker 1: middle name being Ravon. Her middle name is Raynell. So

1808
01:29:24,200 --> 01:29:28,879
Speaker 1: it's like I was like, it just got really, really freaky.

1809
01:29:29,080 --> 01:29:32,639
Speaker 1: It just these coincidences. It's like this, where is all

1810
01:29:32,640 --> 01:29:35,120
Speaker 1: this alignment coming? But she was sharing is about the

1811
01:29:35,120 --> 01:29:37,439
Speaker 1: fact that on our Friday nights we would have worship.

1812
01:29:37,720 --> 01:29:40,479
Speaker 1: So you know, people would assume that me being mister

1813
01:29:40,520 --> 01:29:43,639
Speaker 1: dear future wife here, I'm dating women, women flying all in,

1814
01:29:43,720 --> 01:29:44,760
Speaker 1: I'm flying all out.

1815
01:29:44,800 --> 01:29:46,840
Speaker 2: I'm just that's not my case.

1816
01:29:46,880 --> 01:29:49,479
Speaker 1: I'll be sitting there in this studio working, been by myself,

1817
01:29:49,680 --> 01:29:52,040
Speaker 1: sitting up here. I used to say, I'm lame as

1818
01:29:52,040 --> 01:29:54,400
Speaker 1: a bachelor. I just say, my life's supposed to be bad.

1819
01:29:54,479 --> 01:29:56,519
Speaker 1: This I told myself. This is now share this was asked.

1820
01:29:56,560 --> 01:29:58,960
Speaker 1: I said, Now, if I'm not married by the end

1821
01:29:58,960 --> 01:30:01,559
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty five, in twenty twenty six, I'm being

1822
01:30:01,600 --> 01:30:03,200
Speaker 1: these streets. That's just what it is. I'm going to

1823
01:30:03,280 --> 01:30:06,280
Speaker 1: be in these streets. I'm from the day across the globe.

1824
01:30:06,640 --> 01:30:08,720
Speaker 1: And so because I was spending all my Friday nights

1825
01:30:08,760 --> 01:30:10,680
Speaker 1: sitting on the phone, sitting up here talking to her

1826
01:30:10,920 --> 01:30:14,719
Speaker 1: as my homegirl, We're playing worship music and worshiping God.

1827
01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:17,719
Speaker 1: And I used to say, I'm such a lame bachelor.

1828
01:30:17,840 --> 01:30:21,680
Speaker 1: I said, these people be on these internet streets assuming.

1829
01:30:21,200 --> 01:30:23,600
Speaker 2: What my lifestyle is and it's just not that. And

1830
01:30:23,800 --> 01:30:25,439
Speaker 2: so she got a chance to watch that.

1831
01:30:26,520 --> 01:30:30,080
Speaker 1: But the biggest surprise for me from the when we

1832
01:30:30,120 --> 01:30:34,479
Speaker 1: got married, during our ceremony is that God allowed the

1833
01:30:34,640 --> 01:30:38,680
Speaker 1: worship experience to take place in our ceremony, which was

1834
01:30:38,720 --> 01:30:42,920
Speaker 1: showing publicly what we did privately those Friday nights where

1835
01:30:42,960 --> 01:30:46,400
Speaker 1: I was saying, dang, I'm just this lame bachelor sitting

1836
01:30:46,400 --> 01:30:49,519
Speaker 1: on the phone with this blatonic friend having worship moments

1837
01:30:50,479 --> 01:30:55,000
Speaker 1: when I could be sharing these moments with my future wife.

1838
01:30:55,000 --> 01:30:57,400
Speaker 1: He then God said, I got you.

1839
01:30:57,479 --> 01:31:00,479
Speaker 3: Y'all have all the practice. But the moment that was

1840
01:31:00,479 --> 01:31:03,599
Speaker 3: my favorite moment of the of the wedding as well.

1841
01:31:03,760 --> 01:31:05,679
Speaker 1: Love. I was in the puddle teers. I was on

1842
01:31:05,720 --> 01:31:09,160
Speaker 1: that floor crying. I didn't care who saw me. I

1843
01:31:09,160 --> 01:31:11,720
Speaker 1: didn't care. I was just it was a pubblunteers. I

1844
01:31:11,840 --> 01:31:14,479
Speaker 1: was just because I was. I was in awe of God.

1845
01:31:15,000 --> 01:31:18,599
Speaker 1: I said, God, you curated this. I couldn't make this happen.

1846
01:31:18,640 --> 01:31:21,240
Speaker 1: I couldn't manufacture it. I couldn't say, well, I'm gonna

1847
01:31:21,280 --> 01:31:23,080
Speaker 1: go to Cali worship on this day and I'm gonna

1848
01:31:23,080 --> 01:31:24,640
Speaker 1: meet this woman and I'm gonna tell her this and

1849
01:31:25,720 --> 01:31:28,200
Speaker 1: just just couldn't. I didn't even think that we would

1850
01:31:28,200 --> 01:31:31,599
Speaker 1: come back around from a moment of where we felt

1851
01:31:31,640 --> 01:31:34,960
Speaker 1: like there was misalignment just by geographical area, that we

1852
01:31:35,000 --> 01:31:38,719
Speaker 1: would come back around and be like, oh, we're gonna

1853
01:31:38,720 --> 01:31:39,599
Speaker 1: be together like.

1854
01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:40,479
Speaker 2: You know you can.

1855
01:31:40,600 --> 01:31:43,200
Speaker 3: I'll tell you why that was my favorite moment. My

1856
01:31:43,280 --> 01:31:47,120
Speaker 3: name is love. I love worship like I love praise.

1857
01:31:47,120 --> 01:31:50,240
Speaker 3: Its cool, yeah, I love it, but I love love.

1858
01:31:50,400 --> 01:31:53,200
Speaker 3: I just see myself dancing with the Holy Spirit right

1859
01:31:53,200 --> 01:31:56,400
Speaker 3: to But what I loved is we were able to

1860
01:31:56,479 --> 01:31:59,960
Speaker 3: witness intimacy on the stage with each other, but we saw.

1861
01:31:59,840 --> 01:32:01,200
Speaker 4: Intimacy with God there.

1862
01:32:01,240 --> 01:32:05,080
Speaker 3: It is the level of intimacy that you all showed

1863
01:32:05,840 --> 01:32:09,880
Speaker 3: with your Savior and y'all were separated in different positions.

1864
01:32:10,120 --> 01:32:13,759
Speaker 3: It was all about the intimacy this way. I love

1865
01:32:13,960 --> 01:32:16,360
Speaker 3: that and so that was that's why that was my

1866
01:32:16,400 --> 01:32:19,479
Speaker 3: favorite because I'm gonna tell you it is those that

1867
01:32:19,600 --> 01:32:23,040
Speaker 3: intimacy there, it is that produces this intimacy there.

1868
01:32:23,040 --> 01:32:23,320
Speaker 2: It is.

1869
01:32:23,360 --> 01:32:25,839
Speaker 3: Okay, so you know we got to circle back around

1870
01:32:25,880 --> 01:32:26,559
Speaker 3: to that question.

1871
01:32:27,560 --> 01:32:34,240
Speaker 4: Was the sad and don't go on to detail, do

1872
01:32:34,320 --> 01:32:34,680
Speaker 4: not give me.

1873
01:32:37,840 --> 01:32:41,200
Speaker 5: Detail, But I am so happy.

1874
01:32:41,479 --> 01:32:45,280
Speaker 8: Okay, that's that's m saying, uh, and I assume that

1875
01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:46,960
Speaker 8: brother man over there to.

1876
01:32:48,120 --> 01:32:52,479
Speaker 2: You, I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy, big one.

1877
01:32:52,680 --> 01:32:55,000
Speaker 3: And you know what and the and the reason why

1878
01:32:55,080 --> 01:32:57,639
Speaker 3: I did bring that up. For those who think this

1879
01:32:57,680 --> 01:33:01,559
Speaker 3: is not a Christian question, this is huge Christian questions

1880
01:33:01,760 --> 01:33:08,040
Speaker 3: because fifty, well actually twenty five to thirty percent of

1881
01:33:08,080 --> 01:33:14,360
Speaker 3: people you're around your age are dealing with sexual dissatisfaction,

1882
01:33:14,560 --> 01:33:17,720
Speaker 3: in sexual issues in their relationship. And I'm not just

1883
01:33:17,760 --> 01:33:20,800
Speaker 3: talking about something like, you know, erectile dysfunction or any

1884
01:33:20,840 --> 01:33:25,040
Speaker 3: of that, but there's libido issues. There are issues with

1885
01:33:25,280 --> 01:33:30,160
Speaker 3: the high stress parenting will affect that and it absolutely

1886
01:33:30,479 --> 01:33:32,280
Speaker 3: affects the relationship.

1887
01:33:32,320 --> 01:33:34,559
Speaker 4: And it's one of the top four reasons for divorce.

1888
01:33:35,000 --> 01:33:38,479
Speaker 3: And so we have to as a as a Christian community,

1889
01:33:38,520 --> 01:33:42,600
Speaker 3: we have to address that issue when we're talking to

1890
01:33:42,720 --> 01:33:46,120
Speaker 3: couples about marriage. And that's why I'm so transparent about it.

1891
01:33:46,520 --> 01:33:50,599
Speaker 3: And so because one of the things that I tell

1892
01:33:50,640 --> 01:33:56,920
Speaker 3: people is that my libido does not direct my love life.

1893
01:33:57,200 --> 01:33:58,000
Speaker 4: My love does.

1894
01:33:58,400 --> 01:34:01,760
Speaker 3: That's good because see, we can allow our bodies to

1895
01:34:01,880 --> 01:34:02,960
Speaker 3: tell us what to do.

1896
01:34:03,439 --> 01:34:04,760
Speaker 4: We have to tell our bodies to do.

1897
01:34:05,240 --> 01:34:07,639
Speaker 3: You can't lose weight by saying well, when my body

1898
01:34:07,640 --> 01:34:10,559
Speaker 3: feels like not eating them that kept them cupcakes, I'll

1899
01:34:10,560 --> 01:34:14,679
Speaker 3: stop or exercise. When my body tell me that wants

1900
01:34:14,680 --> 01:34:17,479
Speaker 3: to go out and walk or or lift weights, I'll

1901
01:34:17,520 --> 01:34:21,200
Speaker 3: do that. We don't depend on our bodies for anything

1902
01:34:21,400 --> 01:34:24,760
Speaker 3: of success, and we can't depend on our bodies for

1903
01:34:25,760 --> 01:34:28,920
Speaker 3: our libidos and our love life and our intimacy life.

1904
01:34:29,000 --> 01:34:30,680
Speaker 3: And so I just want that's a nugget that I

1905
01:34:30,720 --> 01:34:33,120
Speaker 3: want to drop with you all. But and you may

1906
01:34:33,240 --> 01:34:35,200
Speaker 3: not have been there just yet because you all are

1907
01:34:35,200 --> 01:34:36,280
Speaker 3: so brand new at it.

1908
01:34:36,760 --> 01:34:38,920
Speaker 4: But for somebody who's watching.

1909
01:34:38,920 --> 01:34:42,000
Speaker 3: They need to know that they do any thoughts about that.

1910
01:34:42,680 --> 01:34:45,280
Speaker 1: No, I love exactly what you're saying, because I do

1911
01:34:45,479 --> 01:34:49,439
Speaker 1: understand people would joke about me when I said that

1912
01:34:49,520 --> 01:34:53,640
Speaker 1: I wanted a woman who would be free sexually, that

1913
01:34:53,760 --> 01:34:56,679
Speaker 1: somebody that wouldn't make me have to struggle to even

1914
01:34:56,720 --> 01:34:58,880
Speaker 1: sleep with my wife. You hear so many men be like, yeah,

1915
01:34:59,000 --> 01:35:00,920
Speaker 1: my wife as left with me in six months. My

1916
01:35:00,960 --> 01:35:03,799
Speaker 1: wife ain't dead, and it's like, why getting these committed

1917
01:35:03,840 --> 01:35:07,880
Speaker 1: relationships and you're going to starve your spouse out either way.

1918
01:35:08,640 --> 01:35:11,640
Speaker 1: I've heard men doing that to their wives, and I

1919
01:35:11,680 --> 01:35:13,599
Speaker 1: was like, why would you do that, and so I'm

1920
01:35:13,600 --> 01:35:16,519
Speaker 1: glad that you're bold enough to have these conversations, because

1921
01:35:16,680 --> 01:35:19,240
Speaker 1: that's what the Bible says. The Bible says, enjoy the

1922
01:35:19,240 --> 01:35:22,120
Speaker 1: wife of your youth. May her breast satisfy you always

1923
01:35:22,160 --> 01:35:26,040
Speaker 1: and say made her mind, and say made her spirit.

1924
01:35:26,280 --> 01:35:27,280
Speaker 2: He said, made her breast.

1925
01:35:27,640 --> 01:35:33,920
Speaker 3: Absolutely they it was very factual, explicit. Now, this the

1926
01:35:33,960 --> 01:35:37,479
Speaker 3: other thing that as a married couple, one of the

1927
01:35:37,520 --> 01:35:40,400
Speaker 3: greatest challenges and probably one of the number one that

1928
01:35:40,479 --> 01:35:45,679
Speaker 3: I see in every single couple, and I can't even

1929
01:35:45,800 --> 01:35:50,599
Speaker 3: think of right now, maybe two percent and I'm being

1930
01:35:50,680 --> 01:35:55,040
Speaker 3: generous that have not had to struggle with communication issues.

1931
01:35:55,680 --> 01:35:57,000
Speaker 4: And the reason.

1932
01:35:56,680 --> 01:36:01,360
Speaker 3: Why is because of the power of communication, the power

1933
01:36:01,400 --> 01:36:04,120
Speaker 3: that God placed in our in our mouths, and if

1934
01:36:04,120 --> 01:36:06,240
Speaker 3: he placed it in it there because.

1935
01:36:06,200 --> 01:36:07,559
Speaker 4: He spoke the worlds with it.

1936
01:36:07,960 --> 01:36:10,479
Speaker 3: And we are made in the image and likeness of God,

1937
01:36:10,560 --> 01:36:15,320
Speaker 3: and our mouths what we say and speak is so powerful.

1938
01:36:15,400 --> 01:36:18,519
Speaker 3: Not just to communicate, is a minister as always saying,

1939
01:36:18,600 --> 01:36:21,479
Speaker 3: not just to communicate, but to create. And so the

1940
01:36:21,600 --> 01:36:26,360
Speaker 3: creation of things can really make or break a relationship.

1941
01:36:27,000 --> 01:36:30,879
Speaker 3: And I think for you all, you know, that's probably

1942
01:36:30,920 --> 01:36:33,800
Speaker 3: something that you all have to work.

1943
01:36:33,880 --> 01:36:34,800
Speaker 4: That's the becoming.

1944
01:36:35,720 --> 01:36:38,280
Speaker 3: And so tell me some of the things that you've

1945
01:36:38,360 --> 01:36:42,599
Speaker 3: learned about you, not about your mate, something you've learned

1946
01:36:42,600 --> 01:36:45,880
Speaker 3: about you and communication that you may have had to

1947
01:36:45,960 --> 01:36:49,519
Speaker 3: unlearn or perfect or do better. Let's let's have a

1948
01:36:49,600 --> 01:36:52,160
Speaker 3: vulnerable moment for the people. And I don't say you

1949
01:36:52,200 --> 01:36:53,400
Speaker 3: have to go way deep into.

1950
01:36:53,240 --> 01:36:53,920
Speaker 7: All you just.

1951
01:36:55,560 --> 01:36:57,000
Speaker 5: Is that.

1952
01:36:59,320 --> 01:37:05,679
Speaker 6: Something that I've learned about communication is that it's so

1953
01:37:05,760 --> 01:37:10,240
Speaker 6: important for me to be aware of the different style

1954
01:37:10,439 --> 01:37:17,760
Speaker 6: of communication that my husband has. I think that sometimes

1955
01:37:17,880 --> 01:37:22,280
Speaker 6: I can think that the way that I communicate is

1956
01:37:22,320 --> 01:37:26,919
Speaker 6: the best way to communicate, or I have a different

1957
01:37:27,240 --> 01:37:31,040
Speaker 6: way of focusing on the way that words come together.

1958
01:37:32,800 --> 01:37:40,720
Speaker 6: I've had to learn that my husband style is really effective.

1959
01:37:41,560 --> 01:37:49,240
Speaker 6: And I am working on the words that I use

1960
01:37:49,720 --> 01:37:53,160
Speaker 6: because I know how important words.

1961
01:37:52,800 --> 01:37:53,800
Speaker 5: Are to him.

1962
01:37:54,040 --> 01:37:56,880
Speaker 6: And sometimes I say that meaning is more important than

1963
01:37:56,920 --> 01:38:01,080
Speaker 6: the words that I What I'm mean is more important

1964
01:38:01,080 --> 01:38:05,360
Speaker 6: than the words that I use for him, the words

1965
01:38:05,640 --> 01:38:08,719
Speaker 6: that I use are sometimes more important than the meaning.

1966
01:38:09,439 --> 01:38:13,200
Speaker 6: And so that's that feels like a small nuance, but

1967
01:38:13,280 --> 01:38:15,920
Speaker 6: it can actually be something that's very big.

1968
01:38:16,120 --> 01:38:17,920
Speaker 4: So so so good.

1969
01:38:18,320 --> 01:38:21,120
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing that, ask you, because that is

1970
01:38:21,320 --> 01:38:26,120
Speaker 3: the communication styles. So what you're hearing is two different things.

1971
01:38:26,320 --> 01:38:29,120
Speaker 3: What you're saying is not what he's experiencing. And so

1972
01:38:29,160 --> 01:38:33,439
Speaker 3: you really do have to learn how to communicate, just

1973
01:38:33,479 --> 01:38:36,879
Speaker 3: as though you were speaking to somebody in a foreign language.

1974
01:38:36,960 --> 01:38:40,000
Speaker 3: You have to learn how to communicate with not just

1975
01:38:40,080 --> 01:38:44,800
Speaker 3: the generical communication, but with Laterra's with your husband La

1976
01:38:44,920 --> 01:38:46,320
Speaker 3: Terra's figgyback on that.

1977
01:38:46,360 --> 01:38:49,960
Speaker 1: One One of the things that I prayed the guy

1978
01:38:50,000 --> 01:38:52,240
Speaker 1: while I was doing Differuture Wifey podcast is to make

1979
01:38:52,280 --> 01:38:55,240
Speaker 1: me a better listener. And so I would get a

1980
01:38:55,280 --> 01:38:57,519
Speaker 1: lot of joy when people would comment. And I never

1981
01:38:57,560 --> 01:38:59,720
Speaker 1: shared that with people publicly, but when people are like, gosh,

1982
01:38:59,720 --> 01:39:01,519
Speaker 1: you said, good listener. I just did an interview with

1983
01:39:01,920 --> 01:39:04,360
Speaker 1: the Dallas Morning News right before this, and that lady

1984
01:39:04,400 --> 01:39:06,160
Speaker 1: said I brought up something that she said at the

1985
01:39:06,160 --> 01:39:09,000
Speaker 1: beginning of the interview, and she said, gosh, you're just

1986
01:39:09,040 --> 01:39:09,799
Speaker 1: such a good listener.

1987
01:39:09,800 --> 01:39:11,519
Speaker 2: I noticed that with your guests. Well.

1988
01:39:11,600 --> 01:39:15,160
Speaker 1: In marriage, because I'm more emotionally invested in it, I

1989
01:39:15,200 --> 01:39:19,680
Speaker 1: think that I struggle in that meaning that communication. We

1990
01:39:19,880 --> 01:39:22,320
Speaker 1: look at communication as what we say most of the time,

1991
01:39:22,400 --> 01:39:26,200
Speaker 1: but you know, most of communication is listening, and so

1992
01:39:27,120 --> 01:39:30,720
Speaker 1: I find times where she says, you're not listening to me,

1993
01:39:30,760 --> 01:39:33,920
Speaker 1: You're not hearing me. And there's a difference between hearing

1994
01:39:33,960 --> 01:39:36,719
Speaker 1: somebody and listening hearing. You can just hear the sound

1995
01:39:36,760 --> 01:39:39,559
Speaker 1: of coming from their voice, but am I really listening

1996
01:39:39,640 --> 01:39:42,320
Speaker 1: to her intent? So it's basically what she said is

1997
01:39:42,360 --> 01:39:46,280
Speaker 1: that oftentimes I find myself struggling with the intent in

1998
01:39:46,320 --> 01:39:49,400
Speaker 1: which she's trying to communicate. And I used to be

1999
01:39:50,360 --> 01:39:53,120
Speaker 1: I'm getting better at it, but get very defensive.

2000
01:39:53,400 --> 01:39:55,479
Speaker 2: You know. I'd be like, so are you saying that?

2001
01:39:55,640 --> 01:39:58,519
Speaker 1: I don't are you saying and I'll get defensive about

2002
01:39:58,560 --> 01:40:02,160
Speaker 1: it instead of saying, what is the heart posture in

2003
01:40:02,840 --> 01:40:05,080
Speaker 1: what you are saying? How are you trying to communicate that?

2004
01:40:05,240 --> 01:40:07,320
Speaker 1: Is that an attack on me? Or are you just

2005
01:40:07,360 --> 01:40:10,439
Speaker 1: saying this is a room for growth. I was in

2006
01:40:10,439 --> 01:40:13,360
Speaker 1: Puerto Rico when we were doing the audiobook for Student

2007
01:40:13,400 --> 01:40:16,719
Speaker 1: of Love, and I had this aha moment while reading

2008
01:40:16,720 --> 01:40:19,040
Speaker 1: my book. I wrote the book as a single man,

2009
01:40:19,439 --> 01:40:22,439
Speaker 1: and so I'm in the studio recording this audiobook and

2010
01:40:22,479 --> 01:40:27,360
Speaker 1: the director who was coming in by zoom, what's critiquing me?

2011
01:40:27,640 --> 01:40:30,840
Speaker 1: Hey you pronounced that word incorrectly. Hey say it this way,

2012
01:40:31,080 --> 01:40:33,639
Speaker 1: Hey say it that way. Very gentle, very calm telling

2013
01:40:33,680 --> 01:40:35,160
Speaker 1: me how to correct certain things.

2014
01:40:35,280 --> 01:40:37,280
Speaker 2: Was like, hey, you kind of just rushed through that sentence.

2015
01:40:37,280 --> 01:40:39,160
Speaker 2: Can you do that again? And I remember at one

2016
01:40:39,200 --> 01:40:41,920
Speaker 2: point I was like, you can't hear what I'm saying.

2017
01:40:42,160 --> 01:40:44,320
Speaker 1: I thought that in my mind, like how many times

2018
01:40:44,479 --> 01:40:46,519
Speaker 1: I don't read this whole book. I'm reading this whole book,

2019
01:40:46,520 --> 01:40:49,240
Speaker 1: so I'm getting tired. But I recognized something that moment,

2020
01:40:49,600 --> 01:40:52,920
Speaker 1: this total stranger, I gave grace in a way that

2021
01:40:53,000 --> 01:40:55,519
Speaker 1: I didn't give grace to my at that time, she

2022
01:40:55,600 --> 01:40:58,599
Speaker 1: was my fiance. I wasn't giving her that same level

2023
01:40:58,640 --> 01:41:01,160
Speaker 1: of grace where I looked that what the man was saying,

2024
01:41:01,240 --> 01:41:05,200
Speaker 1: knowing that his assignment in that session was to get

2025
01:41:05,240 --> 01:41:08,920
Speaker 1: the best recording out of me. And when I left

2026
01:41:08,920 --> 01:41:12,000
Speaker 1: that studio, I went back to that hotel in Puerto Rico,

2027
01:41:12,080 --> 01:41:13,880
Speaker 1: I said, Ashley, I apologize.

2028
01:41:13,880 --> 01:41:15,920
Speaker 2: He said, well, what I said, I was recording the

2029
01:41:15,960 --> 01:41:16,639
Speaker 2: audio book.

2030
01:41:16,880 --> 01:41:19,200
Speaker 1: You know, God began to convict my heart about I

2031
01:41:19,280 --> 01:41:21,320
Speaker 1: don't give you that same level of grace. I'll get

2032
01:41:21,320 --> 01:41:23,880
Speaker 1: defensive with you when you say something that's correcting me

2033
01:41:24,000 --> 01:41:26,120
Speaker 1: or trying to get the best version out of me.

2034
01:41:26,640 --> 01:41:29,519
Speaker 1: You know, when there's a retake, when you're telling me something,

2035
01:41:29,520 --> 01:41:31,680
Speaker 1: I'll get defensive. But when this guy had me do

2036
01:41:31,800 --> 01:41:34,599
Speaker 1: several retakes on one sentence, I kept saying, Okay, I

2037
01:41:34,680 --> 01:41:36,880
Speaker 1: know the end result is he wants me to deliver

2038
01:41:37,040 --> 01:41:40,439
Speaker 1: the best delivery in this audio book. I said, I

2039
01:41:40,479 --> 01:41:42,760
Speaker 1: apologize you, and I'm gonna do a better job not

2040
01:41:42,840 --> 01:41:45,400
Speaker 1: to get defensive when you call for a retake.

2041
01:41:45,960 --> 01:41:48,839
Speaker 3: That is so good. I really really love that story

2042
01:41:49,280 --> 01:41:52,200
Speaker 3: my first time hearing it. And as you were saying that,

2043
01:41:52,280 --> 01:41:58,400
Speaker 3: I said, and because he is invested in giving you experiences,

2044
01:41:58,439 --> 01:42:01,240
Speaker 3: and when he does not get you the experience you

2045
01:42:01,320 --> 01:42:03,040
Speaker 3: want to get, he.

2046
01:42:05,240 --> 01:42:07,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, throw me off.

2047
01:42:08,160 --> 01:42:08,479
Speaker 7: Happened?

2048
01:42:08,680 --> 01:42:09,240
Speaker 2: What did happen?

2049
01:42:09,760 --> 01:42:09,960
Speaker 1: Best?

2050
01:42:13,200 --> 01:42:15,080
Speaker 2: I'm doing well?

2051
01:42:15,120 --> 01:42:15,960
Speaker 5: And that you asked?

2052
01:42:16,000 --> 01:42:18,960
Speaker 6: What was I think he answered about the thing about

2053
01:42:19,000 --> 01:42:21,240
Speaker 6: being married or the best part or what surprise?

2054
01:42:21,400 --> 01:42:23,439
Speaker 3: But but I will I want to say one more

2055
01:42:23,439 --> 01:42:26,280
Speaker 3: thing before I just have him actually answer that question.

2056
01:42:26,960 --> 01:42:29,720
Speaker 3: The one of the other things is Latari's. One of

2057
01:42:29,760 --> 01:42:33,160
Speaker 3: the things that I saw is when you were talking,

2058
01:42:33,280 --> 01:42:34,759
Speaker 3: I'm not a good listener.

2059
01:42:35,680 --> 01:42:38,440
Speaker 4: I think the opposite.

2060
01:42:38,920 --> 01:42:43,200
Speaker 3: You are a photographic listener and and and you don't

2061
01:42:43,200 --> 01:42:47,679
Speaker 3: forget and so literally you hear words just like Ashley

2062
01:42:47,800 --> 01:42:51,400
Speaker 3: was saying you hear the words, and that's why you

2063
01:42:51,479 --> 01:42:57,400
Speaker 3: will quote me from months ago and I'd be like, yeah,

2064
01:42:58,160 --> 01:43:02,160
Speaker 3: I go back and it's like, okay, that's yeah, I

2065
01:43:02,160 --> 01:43:10,559
Speaker 3: did say that, and so you don't. But he's he's

2066
01:43:10,600 --> 01:43:14,400
Speaker 3: going to remember, and so you'll be saying I didn't

2067
01:43:14,439 --> 01:43:16,360
Speaker 3: say that, and he was like, yes, you did, you

2068
01:43:16,400 --> 01:43:21,519
Speaker 3: said this, this this, But in actuality, what your meaning

2069
01:43:21,760 --> 01:43:25,439
Speaker 3: was it? Something? U And I just I'm just saying

2070
01:43:25,720 --> 01:43:27,400
Speaker 3: and this is this is beyond you all. I'm just

2071
01:43:27,400 --> 01:43:30,320
Speaker 3: talking about how couples do. You may be saying something

2072
01:43:30,400 --> 01:43:34,479
Speaker 3: like I'm just so tired of working this job. I

2073
01:43:34,960 --> 01:43:37,280
Speaker 3: just need rest. I just need to just get like

2074
01:43:37,320 --> 01:43:38,400
Speaker 3: a month off.

2075
01:43:40,360 --> 01:43:41,320
Speaker 4: Well a month.

2076
01:43:41,400 --> 01:43:45,160
Speaker 8: He will plan for you, like I'm gonna make sure

2077
01:43:45,479 --> 01:43:47,960
Speaker 8: by we're gonna set a date, we're gonna do by

2078
01:43:48,080 --> 01:43:49,720
Speaker 8: this day, you're gonna be off your job.

2079
01:43:49,880 --> 01:43:54,559
Speaker 3: Let's talk about selling your business. You're like, whoa, I'm

2080
01:43:54,600 --> 01:43:57,960
Speaker 3: just you're trying to control what I'm my I love

2081
01:43:58,000 --> 01:44:06,960
Speaker 3: my business. No, you said you said, you said me

2082
01:44:07,120 --> 01:44:10,599
Speaker 3: and he's protecting and see a lot of times, well

2083
01:44:10,680 --> 01:44:14,439
Speaker 3: people don't know the difference between covering and control.

2084
01:44:15,040 --> 01:44:15,879
Speaker 4: There's a difference.

2085
01:44:16,160 --> 01:44:19,599
Speaker 3: And so you have to know the heart of your husband,

2086
01:44:19,720 --> 01:44:21,719
Speaker 3: and you have to know the heart of your wife.

2087
01:44:21,840 --> 01:44:23,679
Speaker 3: And you have to listen not just to the words,

2088
01:44:23,680 --> 01:44:26,840
Speaker 3: because even the Bible says the letter killeth and you will,

2089
01:44:27,040 --> 01:44:29,280
Speaker 3: but the spirit gives life, and so the spirit in

2090
01:44:29,280 --> 01:44:31,920
Speaker 3: which somebody says it, and you will see people preach.

2091
01:44:32,360 --> 01:44:34,840
Speaker 3: I will listen to people preach the letter of the law.

2092
01:44:35,040 --> 01:44:37,479
Speaker 3: And I said, they don't they don't have the they

2093
01:44:37,479 --> 01:44:40,920
Speaker 3: don't understand the character of God. They are not incorporating

2094
01:44:40,960 --> 01:44:43,679
Speaker 3: the love of God. People say, oh, he hates divorce.

2095
01:44:44,720 --> 01:44:47,200
Speaker 3: Did you did you hear did you read a few

2096
01:44:47,320 --> 01:44:50,960
Speaker 3: verses up? Why he said that? He said that because

2097
01:44:50,960 --> 01:44:54,120
Speaker 3: the men were abusing the women. That was a voice

2098
01:44:54,160 --> 01:44:56,760
Speaker 3: towards the women who did not have the right to

2099
01:44:56,920 --> 01:44:59,040
Speaker 3: ask for a divorce. I'm not saying God loves divorce,

2100
01:44:59,080 --> 01:45:01,479
Speaker 3: and that's not what my point is. My point is

2101
01:45:01,520 --> 01:45:04,439
Speaker 3: that that was a statement of compassion. And he was like,

2102
01:45:04,439 --> 01:45:06,880
Speaker 3: get off of my altars, and you sent there weeping,

2103
01:45:06,920 --> 01:45:09,400
Speaker 3: and you doing the wife of your youth wrong. As

2104
01:45:09,520 --> 01:45:12,080
Speaker 3: I hate it because of what it does to those

2105
01:45:12,120 --> 01:45:14,559
Speaker 3: women and how it hurts them so bad, and we

2106
01:45:14,600 --> 01:45:15,639
Speaker 3: all hate hate that and.

2107
01:45:15,560 --> 01:45:18,519
Speaker 1: Would leave them out destitute because women couldn't own anything.

2108
01:45:18,600 --> 01:45:19,599
Speaker 2: They couldn't own property.

2109
01:45:19,680 --> 01:45:23,559
Speaker 1: So when you hear the story about Ruth, her husband

2110
01:45:23,560 --> 01:45:25,400
Speaker 1: died and she had nothing to her name because women

2111
01:45:25,400 --> 01:45:27,599
Speaker 1: couldn't own anything back then as a single person.

2112
01:45:27,720 --> 01:45:30,800
Speaker 3: Absolutely, so it was a statement of compassion. And he says,

2113
01:45:30,880 --> 01:45:33,840
Speaker 3: and you calls them to commit adultery. Why do you

2114
01:45:33,880 --> 01:45:36,600
Speaker 3: call them commit adultery because they have nothing and you

2115
01:45:36,680 --> 01:45:40,320
Speaker 3: won't give them the bill of divorce. And therefore, because

2116
01:45:40,360 --> 01:45:42,240
Speaker 3: they don't have the bill of divorce, they have to

2117
01:45:42,280 --> 01:45:45,080
Speaker 3: marry somebody else just to survive, and they have not

2118
01:45:45,240 --> 01:45:47,439
Speaker 3: been divorced yet. Why because once you give them that

2119
01:45:47,479 --> 01:45:53,639
Speaker 3: bill of divorce, according to your premarital prenuptial agreement, the cultura,

2120
01:45:53,920 --> 01:45:57,400
Speaker 3: you have to give the twelfth silver morcis or silver

2121
01:45:57,479 --> 01:45:59,599
Speaker 3: or whatever, the ships of silver, whatever. And I know

2122
01:45:59,600 --> 01:46:03,559
Speaker 3: we get pretty I want to do, but we have

2123
01:46:03,680 --> 01:46:07,880
Speaker 3: to see the heart of God. The character of God

2124
01:46:08,120 --> 01:46:13,040
Speaker 3: is loving us and not here to to strike us down.

2125
01:46:13,360 --> 01:46:15,160
Speaker 4: And we need to be able to experience that.

2126
01:46:15,439 --> 01:46:19,120
Speaker 3: And when you are wounded a lot of times, you

2127
01:46:19,120 --> 01:46:22,840
Speaker 3: see in these marriages, we will misread the words of

2128
01:46:22,880 --> 01:46:25,960
Speaker 3: our mate, and we will the person who loved us,

2129
01:46:26,200 --> 01:46:28,559
Speaker 3: we will no longer feel safe with them because they

2130
01:46:28,560 --> 01:46:31,760
Speaker 3: said something but it came out of his was I

2131
01:46:31,880 --> 01:46:35,479
Speaker 3: just I'm not you might well, why are you defensive?

2132
01:46:36,000 --> 01:46:39,120
Speaker 3: It's because of my love for you. I am wanting

2133
01:46:39,160 --> 01:46:41,760
Speaker 3: to protect you. I want to give you every experience.

2134
01:46:42,240 --> 01:46:44,360
Speaker 3: Why are you trying to And I'm not saying this

2135
01:46:44,400 --> 01:46:45,920
Speaker 3: is what you did and I'm just saying this, I'm

2136
01:46:45,960 --> 01:46:49,800
Speaker 3: just kind of using scenarios. We have to see the

2137
01:46:49,840 --> 01:46:52,559
Speaker 3: heart of our mate towards us, and we have to

2138
01:46:52,600 --> 01:46:56,760
Speaker 3: also see when Satan has used our words and our

2139
01:46:56,800 --> 01:47:00,439
Speaker 3: communication to actually divide us, and we have to get

2140
01:47:00,439 --> 01:47:01,040
Speaker 3: back on track.

2141
01:47:01,120 --> 01:47:04,040
Speaker 4: So that's that's.

2142
01:47:04,439 --> 01:47:09,160
Speaker 3: What is one of the most the beautiful surprise you

2143
01:47:09,240 --> 01:47:11,880
Speaker 3: experienced since been there? Well, I guess you kind of

2144
01:47:11,880 --> 01:47:15,280
Speaker 3: did say yours already, didn't you. I'm going to reverse it.

2145
01:47:15,520 --> 01:47:17,600
Speaker 3: What is one of the greatest challenges?

2146
01:47:17,760 --> 01:47:17,920
Speaker 7: Well?

2147
01:47:17,960 --> 01:47:21,000
Speaker 5: Wait, can I say my surprise? Oh you didn't say

2148
01:47:21,120 --> 01:47:21,639
Speaker 5: my surprise?

2149
01:47:21,840 --> 01:47:26,160
Speaker 6: Okay, answer, But my surprise is just how God has

2150
01:47:26,240 --> 01:47:31,759
Speaker 6: literally graced my husband for me. I feel like because

2151
01:47:31,760 --> 01:47:33,640
Speaker 6: he's my best friend. I don't know if that's some

2152
01:47:33,800 --> 01:47:37,280
Speaker 6: of it, but it's like I just moved to Dallas

2153
01:47:37,280 --> 01:47:39,840
Speaker 6: maybe a week and a half ago today when we're

2154
01:47:39,880 --> 01:47:43,360
Speaker 6: recording this and I feel like there are all these

2155
01:47:43,400 --> 01:47:45,639
Speaker 6: things in this vision for the home that I thought

2156
01:47:45,680 --> 01:47:48,080
Speaker 6: I would have a chance to do as.

2157
01:47:47,920 --> 01:47:50,880
Speaker 5: A wife, and I haven't done that.

2158
01:47:51,000 --> 01:47:52,000
Speaker 6: But he just.

2159
01:47:53,760 --> 01:47:54,679
Speaker 5: He gives me grace.

2160
01:47:54,800 --> 01:47:58,800
Speaker 6: We've been traveling together all over the world and it's

2161
01:47:58,800 --> 01:48:02,120
Speaker 6: so easy to around with him. And I don't take

2162
01:48:02,160 --> 01:48:04,800
Speaker 6: that for granted because I know when you get two

2163
01:48:04,800 --> 01:48:07,880
Speaker 6: people together and they're on like a different page and

2164
01:48:07,960 --> 01:48:11,639
Speaker 6: a different time, like traveling can be the hardest thing

2165
01:48:11,720 --> 01:48:15,760
Speaker 6: to do with someone. But the amount of grace that

2166
01:48:15,880 --> 01:48:17,960
Speaker 6: he's given me and just that I feel like I

2167
01:48:18,000 --> 01:48:20,760
Speaker 6: get to do life with my best friend. So it's

2168
01:48:20,800 --> 01:48:25,200
Speaker 6: great because if in a moment we miscommunicate or we

2169
01:48:25,280 --> 01:48:29,160
Speaker 6: don't communicate, well, he's the person I want to go tell.

2170
01:48:29,080 --> 01:48:33,160
Speaker 5: That we're not communicating. I'd be like, you know what,

2171
01:48:37,880 --> 01:48:41,240
Speaker 5: you're two men. So it's been like every it's just

2172
01:48:41,280 --> 01:48:44,720
Speaker 5: been the grace that I get. Like I I just I.

2173
01:48:44,720 --> 01:48:47,519
Speaker 6: Still have suitcases out, so I in my mind I

2174
01:48:47,520 --> 01:48:50,559
Speaker 6: would have all my suitcases together, and I was very organized.

2175
01:48:50,840 --> 01:48:52,439
Speaker 2: She's a very organized That's.

2176
01:48:52,320 --> 01:48:54,599
Speaker 3: Where I was going because she she had already revealed

2177
01:48:54,600 --> 01:48:57,280
Speaker 3: that she's kind of a perfectionist. And so what I

2178
01:48:57,360 --> 01:48:59,639
Speaker 3: was going to ask is, but do you give yourself

2179
01:48:59,680 --> 01:49:00,519
Speaker 3: the same grace.

2180
01:49:02,040 --> 01:49:05,040
Speaker 1: No, that's the reason why I tell I said, why

2181
01:49:05,040 --> 01:49:07,160
Speaker 1: are you tripping? I mean, we come home and all

2182
01:49:07,200 --> 01:49:09,760
Speaker 1: the stuff is still I said, so what like I said,

2183
01:49:09,960 --> 01:49:12,440
Speaker 1: I said, look at what you're doing. You're doing interviews

2184
01:49:12,439 --> 01:49:14,559
Speaker 1: for the first time. Like we just did the Tammeron

2185
01:49:14,640 --> 01:49:19,040
Speaker 1: Hall show last night. Yesterday afternoon, we did two shows

2186
01:49:19,120 --> 01:49:23,920
Speaker 1: in Houston. We did a show she wasn't even supposed

2187
01:49:23,960 --> 01:49:27,240
Speaker 1: to be on Christian Bevere's podcast, Dear Future Husband. And

2188
01:49:27,280 --> 01:49:29,479
Speaker 1: in the middle of her interview and me, she said,

2189
01:49:29,520 --> 01:49:30,559
Speaker 1: and let's bring Astley.

2190
01:49:30,640 --> 01:49:32,360
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm not trying to come up there.

2191
01:49:32,640 --> 01:49:34,760
Speaker 1: I said, go ahead, come up here. She literally sat

2192
01:49:34,840 --> 01:49:37,479
Speaker 1: on the arm of the couch to do the interview.

2193
01:49:37,479 --> 01:49:39,479
Speaker 1: It's a chair, you know what I'm saying. And so

2194
01:49:39,800 --> 01:49:42,360
Speaker 1: she's well, and that's why I keep telling I was like, listen,

2195
01:49:42,479 --> 01:49:46,640
Speaker 1: I thank you for stepping outside of everything that like,

2196
01:49:46,720 --> 01:49:48,719
Speaker 1: remember love, but we can keep it real so people

2197
01:49:48,720 --> 01:49:51,960
Speaker 1: can hear this. She said, I don't want to do

2198
01:49:52,040 --> 01:49:54,519
Speaker 1: any of these public interviews. I'll be willing to be

2199
01:49:54,600 --> 01:49:57,400
Speaker 1: the co host of Dear Future WIFEI podcast interviewing other

2200
01:49:57,400 --> 01:50:00,639
Speaker 1: people about their stuff, and I will own do one

2201
01:50:00,720 --> 01:50:04,040
Speaker 1: interview about talking about our personal life on Dear Future

2202
01:50:04,040 --> 01:50:08,200
Speaker 1: Wifey Well, when I tell you my interview, which was

2203
01:50:08,240 --> 01:50:11,000
Speaker 1: this interview, but before this interview, we did about three

2204
01:50:11,080 --> 01:50:12,400
Speaker 1: or four Wow, you know what I'm saying.

2205
01:50:12,800 --> 01:50:14,920
Speaker 2: And so I was like, oh my god.

2206
01:50:15,120 --> 01:50:17,519
Speaker 1: I made a promise to her that I wouldn't do this,

2207
01:50:17,680 --> 01:50:20,559
Speaker 1: but my publicists been setting up stuff and the people,

2208
01:50:20,880 --> 01:50:22,800
Speaker 1: once they know I'm coming on, They're like, can we

2209
01:50:22,840 --> 01:50:25,000
Speaker 1: talk to the wife? I would love to meet her.

2210
01:50:25,040 --> 01:50:28,120
Speaker 1: She's so amazing. I heard the Ashley vows and I

2211
01:50:28,200 --> 01:50:29,840
Speaker 1: just want to talk to her. And I was like, God,

2212
01:50:29,920 --> 01:50:32,280
Speaker 1: y'alln't understand. Asked, don't be wanting to do this stuff?

2213
01:50:32,600 --> 01:50:35,880
Speaker 1: And so I even apologized her. I said, Ashley, I'm

2214
01:50:35,920 --> 01:50:39,280
Speaker 1: sorry that I told you that we would not do

2215
01:50:39,360 --> 01:50:42,439
Speaker 1: any interviews except for Dear Future Wife where they're interviewing us.

2216
01:50:42,479 --> 01:50:44,840
Speaker 1: But this is beyond my control. Let me tell you something.

2217
01:50:44,880 --> 01:50:45,559
Speaker 1: I'll share this.

2218
01:50:45,840 --> 01:50:46,280
Speaker 2: We did.

2219
01:50:46,680 --> 01:50:51,000
Speaker 1: We did a Tameron Hall show and they did the

2220
01:50:51,000 --> 01:50:53,400
Speaker 1: pre interview with me and then they asked me this question.

2221
01:50:53,479 --> 01:50:56,680
Speaker 1: They said, how does your wife know that she can

2222
01:50:56,720 --> 01:50:58,200
Speaker 1: trust you that you want sheet again.

2223
01:50:58,680 --> 01:51:01,240
Speaker 2: I said, don't ask me, ask her her, and they

2224
01:51:01,240 --> 01:51:02,080
Speaker 2: said will she be there?

2225
01:51:02,120 --> 01:51:04,040
Speaker 1: I said, yes, should be there, And I said, matter

2226
01:51:04,040 --> 01:51:06,320
Speaker 1: of fact, can you cut to the audience and just

2227
01:51:06,360 --> 01:51:08,360
Speaker 1: ask her that question. They said okay. I said, but

2228
01:51:08,400 --> 01:51:09,920
Speaker 1: hold on first, let me ask her to see if

2229
01:51:09,920 --> 01:51:10,840
Speaker 1: she's okay.

2230
01:51:10,520 --> 01:51:11,280
Speaker 2: With me doing that.

2231
01:51:11,600 --> 01:51:13,560
Speaker 1: But at that time, we had did a couple of interviews,

2232
01:51:14,400 --> 01:51:16,479
Speaker 1: which was I don't even know what day this was,

2233
01:51:16,560 --> 01:51:19,840
Speaker 1: this weekend, Friday and Saturday. Well, Friday, we did two

2234
01:51:19,880 --> 01:51:23,599
Speaker 1: interviews in Houston. So I said, I'll ask her and

2235
01:51:23,640 --> 01:51:26,720
Speaker 1: then I asked her. She was like, okay, all right,

2236
01:51:26,800 --> 01:51:28,360
Speaker 1: So they're gonna ask me this question. I'm gonna work

2237
01:51:28,360 --> 01:51:30,000
Speaker 1: on my rebubbal.

2238
01:51:30,240 --> 01:51:30,599
Speaker 2: I said.

2239
01:51:30,600 --> 01:51:30,880
Speaker 4: Cool.

2240
01:51:31,400 --> 01:51:35,880
Speaker 1: We get to the studio, Tamern had the idea of saying, well,

2241
01:51:35,880 --> 01:51:37,760
Speaker 1: we're just gonna bring her up on stage and we'll

2242
01:51:37,760 --> 01:51:39,840
Speaker 1: do a nuvice and we'll do a segment with her there.

2243
01:51:39,920 --> 01:51:41,680
Speaker 1: We just want to talk to So I come there

2244
01:51:41,680 --> 01:51:43,759
Speaker 1: because she went there early to get her hair and makeup,

2245
01:51:44,120 --> 01:51:45,040
Speaker 1: and I show up.

2246
01:51:45,080 --> 01:51:47,000
Speaker 2: She said, Babe, let me tell you something.

2247
01:51:47,040 --> 01:51:49,080
Speaker 1: I said what, and she said, now they want me

2248
01:51:49,120 --> 01:51:51,760
Speaker 1: to actually be on the couch being interviewed, and I said,

2249
01:51:52,600 --> 01:51:54,479
Speaker 1: so I started getting nervous. I said, are you okay

2250
01:51:54,479 --> 01:51:55,840
Speaker 1: with that? First of all, she even telled me she

2251
01:51:55,880 --> 01:51:58,439
Speaker 1: told my publicists to tell me. And I said, so,

2252
01:51:58,439 --> 01:52:00,320
Speaker 1: how do you feel about that? Because I love that.

2253
01:52:00,680 --> 01:52:03,240
Speaker 1: But she's like, and this is where she shows me

2254
01:52:03,280 --> 01:52:06,040
Speaker 1: her heart. She said, I don't want the attention on

2255
01:52:06,160 --> 01:52:09,240
Speaker 1: your book. I don't want to take the attention you

2256
01:52:09,280 --> 01:52:11,840
Speaker 1: are on here. This is your dream you want to

2257
01:52:11,840 --> 01:52:14,240
Speaker 1: be on Tameron Hall, and I don't want to take

2258
01:52:14,320 --> 01:52:15,960
Speaker 1: any attention from you.

2259
01:52:15,840 --> 01:52:16,559
Speaker 2: And your book.

2260
01:52:17,040 --> 01:52:19,439
Speaker 1: And I said, and that's why I chose you, because

2261
01:52:19,479 --> 01:52:23,080
Speaker 1: you have the heart to know the wherewithal to say people.

2262
01:52:23,320 --> 01:52:26,559
Speaker 1: It's funny because people literally be like, and Ashley, you

2263
01:52:26,600 --> 01:52:27,559
Speaker 1: hold the book with him?

2264
01:52:27,760 --> 01:52:29,360
Speaker 2: She said, I didn't write this book. They said, you

2265
01:52:29,360 --> 01:52:31,200
Speaker 2: didn't write the book with him? She said no.

2266
01:52:31,280 --> 01:52:33,240
Speaker 1: They was like, oh, well, just hold the book anyway.

2267
01:52:33,320 --> 01:52:35,000
Speaker 1: Let's take a picture. So she's sitting there holding a

2268
01:52:35,000 --> 01:52:37,720
Speaker 1: book like she's the author of something. And so she's like,

2269
01:52:37,800 --> 01:52:40,320
Speaker 1: I just don't like that, Like this is your moment.

2270
01:52:40,439 --> 01:52:45,320
Speaker 1: I don't want to detract from your moment. And then

2271
01:52:45,360 --> 01:52:48,080
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I said, but what you don't

2272
01:52:48,080 --> 01:52:51,439
Speaker 1: realize is that you're the manifestation of these words I

2273
01:52:51,439 --> 01:52:53,680
Speaker 1: wrote in my book. And I told her, and I

2274
01:52:53,720 --> 01:52:56,479
Speaker 1: said this in the book. I said, the only person

2275
01:52:56,800 --> 01:53:00,040
Speaker 1: that will be able to grade me on how I

2276
01:53:00,040 --> 01:53:03,599
Speaker 1: I'm loving is you. Their future wife is great. It's amazing.

2277
01:53:03,640 --> 01:53:06,080
Speaker 1: I can share nuggets and truths on this podcast. It

2278
01:53:06,120 --> 01:53:09,360
Speaker 1: can help everybody else life. But if my wife is

2279
01:53:09,400 --> 01:53:12,519
Speaker 1: not happy and please with me, if she's not at peace,

2280
01:53:12,600 --> 01:53:15,759
Speaker 1: if she doesn't feel safe with me, you know, forget

2281
01:53:15,800 --> 01:53:18,160
Speaker 1: all this. It's like I did all this stuff in vain.

2282
01:53:18,439 --> 01:53:20,840
Speaker 1: And so I told her that, I said, listen this

2283
01:53:20,920 --> 01:53:24,439
Speaker 1: book you are. I'm going to be your greatest pupil,

2284
01:53:24,520 --> 01:53:26,280
Speaker 1: is what I said in the vows. And I said,

2285
01:53:26,280 --> 01:53:28,240
Speaker 1: I will sit at your feet and learn how to

2286
01:53:28,280 --> 01:53:29,040
Speaker 1: love you properly.

2287
01:53:30,400 --> 01:53:31,760
Speaker 4: So good, let me tell you.

2288
01:53:33,080 --> 01:53:36,320
Speaker 3: I love what you're saying, because I think we might

2289
01:53:36,360 --> 01:53:40,040
Speaker 3: have spent a whole session on just this issue, her

2290
01:53:40,479 --> 01:53:44,400
Speaker 3: being okay with being in the spotlight and so and

2291
01:53:44,439 --> 01:53:48,160
Speaker 3: it was not forced, it was okay, well you need

2292
01:53:48,200 --> 01:53:51,960
Speaker 3: to this is who she is, you know, and just

2293
01:53:52,439 --> 01:53:55,479
Speaker 3: and you are changing on your own. So that's that's

2294
01:53:55,560 --> 01:53:58,559
Speaker 3: really good. That's really good. If we had decided it

2295
01:53:58,600 --> 01:53:59,640
Speaker 3: was not gonna be anything for us.

2296
01:54:00,000 --> 01:54:02,320
Speaker 6: Well, and I look at it as like what God

2297
01:54:02,400 --> 01:54:05,799
Speaker 6: is doing, because I will say that my social media

2298
01:54:06,240 --> 01:54:11,640
Speaker 6: has expanded very quickly, but what I value are the

2299
01:54:11,680 --> 01:54:16,600
Speaker 6: messages that people are sending me, and what we represent

2300
01:54:16,880 --> 01:54:19,479
Speaker 6: to so many people is hope.

2301
01:54:20,000 --> 01:54:22,360
Speaker 5: And so I'm getting women saying can you start a

2302
01:54:22,400 --> 01:54:23,160
Speaker 5: women's group?

2303
01:54:23,400 --> 01:54:26,519
Speaker 6: Like we want to hear from you, And that for

2304
01:54:26,560 --> 01:54:29,800
Speaker 6: me is why I have the courage to sit here

2305
01:54:29,920 --> 01:54:30,400
Speaker 6: right now.

2306
01:54:31,000 --> 01:54:34,280
Speaker 5: Because while he said three or four interviews, I counted.

2307
01:54:33,960 --> 01:54:36,360
Speaker 2: Six because we did a lot.

2308
01:54:36,640 --> 01:54:39,960
Speaker 6: We did so much, and so I went from saying

2309
01:54:40,000 --> 01:54:42,160
Speaker 6: we would do this one with you love.

2310
01:54:43,680 --> 01:54:46,000
Speaker 2: New York Town, in New York towns and.

2311
01:54:45,880 --> 01:54:47,120
Speaker 4: Stuff, that's seven.

2312
01:54:47,320 --> 01:54:52,000
Speaker 6: So here we are doing way more than what I

2313
01:54:52,040 --> 01:54:54,720
Speaker 6: could have imagined. And here I am wanting to be

2314
01:54:54,800 --> 01:55:00,080
Speaker 6: at home getting the house together, doing very domestic things

2315
01:55:00,120 --> 01:55:02,840
Speaker 6: and not liking the fact that I don't have any

2316
01:55:02,920 --> 01:55:04,680
Speaker 6: Christmas Christmas decoration.

2317
01:55:04,720 --> 01:55:07,880
Speaker 5: I don't have a Christmas tree, my Christmas menu isn't ready.

2318
01:55:07,920 --> 01:55:09,600
Speaker 2: We didn't send out Christmas cards.

2319
01:55:09,480 --> 01:55:12,880
Speaker 6: Haven't sent out Christmas cards or thank you cards for

2320
01:55:12,920 --> 01:55:15,960
Speaker 6: our wedding, which I'm embarrassed to say publicly.

2321
01:55:15,560 --> 01:55:17,520
Speaker 5: Because I don't know what date it is now, but.

2322
01:55:17,520 --> 01:55:21,240
Speaker 3: We're so behind. We see the lack of grace. Okay,

2323
01:55:21,360 --> 01:55:25,400
Speaker 3: she's given us in real time. Okay, thank you. The

2324
01:55:25,440 --> 01:55:28,600
Speaker 3: same breath that she says seven interviews, she still says.

2325
01:55:28,600 --> 01:55:29,760
Speaker 4: No Christmas cards.

2326
01:55:30,640 --> 01:55:41,200
Speaker 8: You know. That's okay, that's the next session. We'll talk

2327
01:55:41,240 --> 01:55:41,720
Speaker 8: about that.

2328
01:55:43,360 --> 01:55:43,560
Speaker 2: Now.

2329
01:55:43,600 --> 01:55:46,960
Speaker 3: Here's the thing. This is the thing. People will think, Oh,

2330
01:55:47,040 --> 01:55:50,200
Speaker 3: she's new to this. No, you have been behind the

2331
01:55:50,280 --> 01:55:58,920
Speaker 3: scenes in this this industry of Hollywood for how many years?

2332
01:55:58,640 --> 01:55:59,720
Speaker 5: Over a decade?

2333
01:56:00,240 --> 01:56:04,600
Speaker 4: Twelve years, in the highest levels of this industry.

2334
01:56:04,800 --> 01:56:05,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have.

2335
01:56:06,320 --> 01:56:08,760
Speaker 6: Working with a lot of big brands and a lot

2336
01:56:08,760 --> 01:56:12,200
Speaker 6: of big artists, And so I always said, I love.

2337
01:56:12,000 --> 01:56:17,040
Speaker 5: That for them. I love that they get that attention.

2338
01:56:17,280 --> 01:56:19,920
Speaker 6: I'm really good at supporting them and making sure that

2339
01:56:19,960 --> 01:56:22,120
Speaker 6: they look great when they sit here.

2340
01:56:23,480 --> 01:56:26,200
Speaker 5: And so it's funny how God works.

2341
01:56:27,720 --> 01:56:31,360
Speaker 6: But what I will say is that though I'm not

2342
01:56:31,520 --> 01:56:35,560
Speaker 6: incredibly comfortable, I think it's mainly because I know that

2343
01:56:35,600 --> 01:56:36,680
Speaker 6: the Internet can.

2344
01:56:36,520 --> 01:56:39,960
Speaker 5: Be a not safe space, right, and people.

2345
01:56:39,680 --> 01:56:43,760
Speaker 6: Can be very vicious and take the good things that

2346
01:56:43,800 --> 01:56:47,240
Speaker 6: you're trying to do and make those evil or just

2347
01:56:47,360 --> 01:56:48,720
Speaker 6: really try to destroy you.

2348
01:56:48,880 --> 01:56:52,320
Speaker 5: And that breaks my heart because I always.

2349
01:56:52,000 --> 01:56:54,520
Speaker 6: Tell my husband, I don't know how you do it,

2350
01:56:54,760 --> 01:56:57,200
Speaker 6: you know what I mean, Like, for all of the

2351
01:56:57,240 --> 01:57:00,680
Speaker 6: good that you try to put into the world, people

2352
01:57:00,720 --> 01:57:03,240
Speaker 6: will take it, they'll spin it, and they'll try to

2353
01:57:03,440 --> 01:57:06,080
Speaker 6: just assassinate who you are and the good that you do.

2354
01:57:06,480 --> 01:57:09,480
Speaker 6: I never wanted that, and so for me, what God

2355
01:57:09,600 --> 01:57:12,360
Speaker 6: is delivering me from and what you said, the hardest

2356
01:57:12,440 --> 01:57:16,320
Speaker 6: thing that we're dealing with is people's opinions. But what

2357
01:57:16,400 --> 01:57:19,880
Speaker 6: I take such courage in is that my messages, my

2358
01:57:20,040 --> 01:57:24,280
Speaker 6: dms are so positive, my family and my friends are

2359
01:57:24,320 --> 01:57:25,640
Speaker 6: ready to respond to.

2360
01:57:25,720 --> 01:57:29,440
Speaker 5: People in the comments. My sister in love.

2361
01:57:31,360 --> 01:57:34,680
Speaker 2: Come, come, come chill.

2362
01:57:35,320 --> 01:57:39,120
Speaker 6: And so I just take such courage in knowing that,

2363
01:57:39,280 --> 01:57:41,320
Speaker 6: like you know, when you do work, when you put

2364
01:57:41,320 --> 01:57:43,600
Speaker 6: yourself out there, when you become a leader, there's going

2365
01:57:43,680 --> 01:57:44,440
Speaker 6: to be a tax.

2366
01:57:45,480 --> 01:57:48,720
Speaker 5: And so you know, I'm just I mean, but I

2367
01:57:48,720 --> 01:57:51,240
Speaker 5: would say that is the challenge.

2368
01:57:50,760 --> 01:57:54,120
Speaker 6: That I'm dealing with, right is that I feel like

2369
01:57:54,280 --> 01:57:56,160
Speaker 6: I try to put a lot of good out into

2370
01:57:56,200 --> 01:57:59,280
Speaker 6: the world, and so when people have hurtful things to say,

2371
01:57:59,320 --> 01:57:59,760
Speaker 6: it's like.

2372
01:58:00,240 --> 01:58:02,760
Speaker 2: Man, yeah, I can't even do that.

2373
01:58:02,640 --> 01:58:05,480
Speaker 5: That's not even that's not how it happened. That's not

2374
01:58:05,600 --> 01:58:06,240
Speaker 5: who I am.

2375
01:58:06,960 --> 01:58:08,520
Speaker 6: Talk to people who know me, they're going to give

2376
01:58:08,520 --> 01:58:10,480
Speaker 6: you a whole different story. But then I realized, like

2377
01:58:10,680 --> 01:58:12,640
Speaker 6: people are just concerned with.

2378
01:58:12,840 --> 01:58:16,760
Speaker 1: Toxicity, yeah, which was a big misconception where they were like,

2379
01:58:16,880 --> 01:58:19,040
Speaker 1: even when I did the whole thing about a mystery bride,

2380
01:58:19,120 --> 01:58:21,400
Speaker 1: they were like, he's hiding her and this or whatever.

2381
01:58:21,400 --> 01:58:24,240
Speaker 2: I like, y'all have no idea. Ashley is enjoying us.

2382
01:58:24,240 --> 01:58:25,280
Speaker 2: She didn't want all that.

2383
01:58:25,640 --> 01:58:27,320
Speaker 1: So I had to try to find a way to

2384
01:58:27,480 --> 01:58:31,440
Speaker 1: gently bring her into this because, oh God, like, can

2385
01:58:31,520 --> 01:58:38,520
Speaker 1: you imagine why we're trying to navigate our own relationship circumstances.

2386
01:58:38,720 --> 01:58:41,160
Speaker 1: We're going through therapy, and then we also got to

2387
01:58:41,200 --> 01:58:44,280
Speaker 1: deal with the world chiming in saying whatever in the

2388
01:58:44,280 --> 01:58:46,840
Speaker 1: midst of we're trying to solidify this thing. So it's

2389
01:58:46,920 --> 01:58:49,880
Speaker 1: like she told me straight up, she said, listen, give

2390
01:58:49,920 --> 01:58:52,920
Speaker 1: me as much time as possible not to be thrust

2391
01:58:53,000 --> 01:58:54,400
Speaker 1: in the public spotlight.

2392
01:58:54,560 --> 01:58:58,640
Speaker 3: I said, I actually asked you that question in the

2393
01:58:58,720 --> 01:59:01,840
Speaker 3: session because you I brought it up. You know, I

2394
01:59:01,880 --> 01:59:04,560
Speaker 3: wouldn't be saying this, And I asked you, was it

2395
01:59:04,680 --> 01:59:06,560
Speaker 3: more difficult, and you said, actually, it's easier.

2396
01:59:08,240 --> 01:59:09,160
Speaker 5: You remember that.

2397
01:59:12,320 --> 01:59:15,200
Speaker 3: It ain't a Terrance Stole. I got a little something

2398
01:59:15,560 --> 01:59:18,200
Speaker 3: up in here. No you did, you asked me, and

2399
01:59:18,200 --> 01:59:21,160
Speaker 3: then you said, no, actually, it's easier, and I was

2400
01:59:21,200 --> 01:59:21,800
Speaker 3: happy for that.

2401
01:59:22,320 --> 01:59:23,120
Speaker 5: It's easier.

2402
01:59:23,480 --> 01:59:26,160
Speaker 6: It's easier because so many people know him. And now

2403
01:59:26,160 --> 01:59:28,520
Speaker 6: we're at the airport. It's like five o'clock in the morning,

2404
01:59:28,560 --> 01:59:29,400
Speaker 6: and people are like.

2405
01:59:29,600 --> 01:59:31,880
Speaker 5: Hey, can I get a big picture? And I'm like, oh,

2406
01:59:31,920 --> 01:59:34,640
Speaker 5: this is new, this is new. The bags under my.

2407
01:59:34,640 --> 01:59:37,440
Speaker 1: Head, the flight attenth, the person at the front desk,

2408
01:59:37,440 --> 01:59:39,520
Speaker 1: they stepping over the thing to take pictures with us,

2409
01:59:39,600 --> 01:59:44,280
Speaker 1: and was like wow. She was like, so now she

2410
01:59:44,360 --> 01:59:46,240
Speaker 1: has to be more conscious about Okay, now when I

2411
01:59:46,280 --> 01:59:48,160
Speaker 1: get ready I go out, I got to be very

2412
01:59:48,160 --> 01:59:50,320
Speaker 1: self aware about what I look like, you know.

2413
01:59:50,320 --> 01:59:52,080
Speaker 2: And which is different from me as a man. I

2414
01:59:52,080 --> 01:59:55,200
Speaker 2: don't care you take a picture of me, is what is.

2415
01:59:55,480 --> 01:59:57,920
Speaker 1: But for my wife, now I have to be very

2416
01:59:57,960 --> 01:59:59,920
Speaker 1: patient to be like, Okay, she's gonna have to spend

2417
02:00:00,000 --> 02:00:01,520
Speaker 1: a little bit more time with her hair, spend a

2418
02:00:01,560 --> 02:00:04,560
Speaker 1: little bit more time but maybe getting makeup whatever that is,

2419
02:00:04,880 --> 02:00:08,040
Speaker 1: because she knows that she and then she'll be like.

2420
02:00:08,040 --> 02:00:09,080
Speaker 2: Can't see the picture you took.

2421
02:00:09,120 --> 02:00:12,000
Speaker 1: Let me look at it, let me delete that, deleted

2422
02:00:12,000 --> 02:00:13,960
Speaker 1: out somebody phone here, take another one, you.

2423
02:00:13,920 --> 02:00:16,240
Speaker 6: Know, because if you post a bad picture of me,

2424
02:00:16,360 --> 02:00:17,640
Speaker 6: I'm not going to repost it.

2425
02:00:19,480 --> 02:00:22,240
Speaker 4: So let's let's let's segment over here.

2426
02:00:22,560 --> 02:00:26,240
Speaker 3: What I want to do is, you know what, before

2427
02:00:26,280 --> 02:00:29,760
Speaker 3: I even segment, I want to comment this. The Bible

2428
02:00:29,800 --> 02:00:34,200
Speaker 3: says love beareth all things, and a lot of times

2429
02:00:34,240 --> 02:00:37,120
Speaker 3: people think, oh, you're supposed to bear everything, you know,

2430
02:00:37,280 --> 02:00:38,800
Speaker 3: like whatever somebody does to you.

2431
02:00:38,880 --> 02:00:40,720
Speaker 4: That's not what the that is talking about.

2432
02:00:40,960 --> 02:00:45,000
Speaker 3: It's actually referring to when it says bear, it's like

2433
02:00:45,040 --> 02:00:49,080
Speaker 3: a roof. That word is like a rooftop and a

2434
02:00:49,160 --> 02:00:52,320
Speaker 3: roof on a house where if there's water, if there's rain,

2435
02:00:52,360 --> 02:00:57,040
Speaker 3: if there's hurricane, if there's sun, the roof covers external forces.

2436
02:00:57,640 --> 02:01:02,320
Speaker 3: And so when we talk about relationships and the external

2437
02:01:02,360 --> 02:01:05,120
Speaker 3: forces that will try to come into your home, there

2438
02:01:05,200 --> 02:01:09,800
Speaker 3: has to be intentionality to say our love will bear

2439
02:01:10,720 --> 02:01:14,320
Speaker 3: the heat that's coming from the social media, and the

2440
02:01:14,360 --> 02:01:17,520
Speaker 3: winds that are trying to stop us, the temptations, all

2441
02:01:17,560 --> 02:01:21,400
Speaker 3: of that from the external. So when we're talking about

2442
02:01:21,440 --> 02:01:25,280
Speaker 3: internal that's when you have to start working on you.

2443
02:01:25,280 --> 02:01:27,440
Speaker 3: You don't want the forces that you're bearing to be

2444
02:01:27,560 --> 02:01:30,480
Speaker 3: on the inside, because it's talking about the forces about

2445
02:01:30,600 --> 02:01:34,720
Speaker 3: on the outside. Yes, so let's just kind of I'm

2446
02:01:34,720 --> 02:01:37,960
Speaker 3: going to do what kind of a rapid rocket round? Okay,

2447
02:01:38,160 --> 02:01:40,360
Speaker 3: And only thing you get to do is point to

2448
02:01:40,440 --> 02:01:42,800
Speaker 3: yourself or your spouse.

2449
02:01:43,000 --> 02:01:44,640
Speaker 4: Okay, all right?

2450
02:01:45,960 --> 02:01:52,640
Speaker 3: Who overthinks the most, Who takes the longest getting dressed,

2451
02:01:56,240 --> 02:01:59,840
Speaker 3: Who is most indecisive on what they want to eat

2452
02:02:00,080 --> 02:02:06,520
Speaker 3: when it's time to eat out, Who falls asleep first

2453
02:02:06,560 --> 02:02:21,000
Speaker 3: after sex like, who forgives faster, Who loves harder emotionally?

2454
02:02:22,840 --> 02:02:23,440
Speaker 4: Okay?

2455
02:02:23,480 --> 02:02:27,040
Speaker 3: All right, that's all for you right there, all right.

2456
02:02:27,600 --> 02:02:32,600
Speaker 3: And the last thing is that I kind of want

2457
02:02:32,640 --> 02:02:35,840
Speaker 3: to end on. This is something I did with my

2458
02:02:35,960 --> 02:02:40,360
Speaker 3: daughters as I grew up. Sometimes they would have arguments,

2459
02:02:40,440 --> 02:02:42,680
Speaker 3: of course, you know the kids, they have arguments, and

2460
02:02:42,720 --> 02:02:45,680
Speaker 3: we would always do this. I would say, you have

2461
02:02:45,720 --> 02:02:48,160
Speaker 3: to name five things. And I'm not saying you all

2462
02:02:48,160 --> 02:02:50,840
Speaker 3: are arguing, but I would say, name five things. You

2463
02:02:50,840 --> 02:02:53,600
Speaker 3: have to you have to start each sentence off saying

2464
02:02:53,640 --> 02:02:57,240
Speaker 3: I love you, because and by the time they finished

2465
02:02:57,240 --> 02:02:59,440
Speaker 3: saying I love you, and it can just be superficial.

2466
02:02:59,840 --> 02:03:01,800
Speaker 3: And so I'm going to even though you all are

2467
02:03:01,840 --> 02:03:04,640
Speaker 3: not arguing. You love each other. I'm going to give

2468
02:03:04,680 --> 02:03:07,440
Speaker 3: you all the opportunities. I'm gonna start actually with you,

2469
02:03:07,520 --> 02:03:11,040
Speaker 3: Latai's five. No, it's gonna take too long. I'll give

2470
02:03:11,080 --> 02:03:14,000
Speaker 3: you three, all right. I love you just one. I

2471
02:03:14,080 --> 02:03:15,720
Speaker 3: love you because he said.

2472
02:03:15,640 --> 02:03:17,560
Speaker 2: He went to five to three to one.

2473
02:03:19,440 --> 02:03:21,400
Speaker 3: La Teris writes a book. When you start t alling

2474
02:03:21,440 --> 02:03:24,280
Speaker 3: my love, I'm in in sessions with him. So I'm like,

2475
02:03:24,400 --> 02:03:26,040
Speaker 3: if I give him three, we're gonna be here for

2476
02:03:26,080 --> 02:03:28,800
Speaker 3: another half hour. Give me just one.

2477
02:03:28,840 --> 02:03:31,920
Speaker 4: Good. I love you because I love.

2478
02:03:31,800 --> 02:03:34,720
Speaker 1: You because your heart for Christ and your love for

2479
02:03:34,840 --> 02:03:38,000
Speaker 1: me and the love for my kids showed me that

2480
02:03:38,200 --> 02:03:41,640
Speaker 1: I chose wisely the woman that has now taken my

2481
02:03:41,720 --> 02:03:42,200
Speaker 1: last name.

2482
02:03:42,640 --> 02:03:45,040
Speaker 4: Mmmm, that was good. I could have given you a

2483
02:03:45,040 --> 02:03:46,120
Speaker 4: couple more. All right?

2484
02:03:46,200 --> 02:03:49,320
Speaker 5: Why did you make me go after your vows?

2485
02:03:49,320 --> 02:03:50,520
Speaker 2: You went out there and you killed it.

2486
02:03:50,680 --> 02:03:56,960
Speaker 5: I know, Oh my gosh. I love you because your

2487
02:03:57,040 --> 02:04:02,280
Speaker 5: God's best for me, because you understand my heart and

2488
02:04:02,320 --> 02:04:07,360
Speaker 5: the intricacies of me that no other person has ever understood,

2489
02:04:08,840 --> 02:04:12,160
Speaker 5: and because you see me in ways that I don't

2490
02:04:12,200 --> 02:04:13,240
Speaker 5: even see myself.

2491
02:04:15,360 --> 02:04:24,200
Speaker 3: Wow, that was powerful. You all are powerful. Don't do that,

2492
02:04:24,280 --> 02:04:26,120
Speaker 3: you know, what I love some. And I'm gonna tell

2493
02:04:26,120 --> 02:04:29,400
Speaker 3: you I love you all because I love you all

2494
02:04:29,440 --> 02:04:34,080
Speaker 3: because one thing I found out, this is not fake,

2495
02:04:35,760 --> 02:04:40,440
Speaker 3: the passion that you all have shared, it's not.

2496
02:04:41,040 --> 02:04:43,760
Speaker 4: Perfect, it's real.

2497
02:04:45,120 --> 02:04:50,160
Speaker 3: You all don't just see the areas that you need

2498
02:04:50,200 --> 02:04:50,760
Speaker 3: to grow in.

2499
02:04:51,200 --> 02:04:54,000
Speaker 4: You do something about it. And I don't like to give.

2500
02:04:54,040 --> 02:04:55,960
Speaker 3: My mother will always say don't give your pearls to

2501
02:04:56,000 --> 02:04:58,920
Speaker 3: the swine, and as the Bible says that, and I

2502
02:04:58,960 --> 02:05:02,280
Speaker 3: didn't find the spirit of a swine in you all

2503
02:05:02,840 --> 02:05:04,920
Speaker 3: where you're given the best in saying this is what

2504
02:05:04,960 --> 02:05:06,240
Speaker 3: you need to do, this is what you need to

2505
02:05:06,280 --> 02:05:09,160
Speaker 3: work on, and you never did it. I saw you

2506
02:05:09,200 --> 02:05:14,680
Speaker 3: all work on some things that people would think and

2507
02:05:14,720 --> 02:05:18,680
Speaker 3: I hear this. Oh well, when your right now, when

2508
02:05:18,720 --> 02:05:21,520
Speaker 3: God send you the right person, it don't have to

2509
02:05:21,520 --> 02:05:22,160
Speaker 3: be like this.

2510
02:05:22,320 --> 02:05:25,760
Speaker 4: Sweetheart, baby deer. Let me tell you something.

2511
02:05:26,240 --> 02:05:29,800
Speaker 3: Two people in a relationship trying to relate to each

2512
02:05:29,840 --> 02:05:33,800
Speaker 3: other from two different populations, worlds, families, whatever the case

2513
02:05:33,840 --> 02:05:38,240
Speaker 3: may be, You're going to have conflict. There's going to

2514
02:05:38,280 --> 02:05:42,640
Speaker 3: be challenges. There's god to be a need to grow relationships.

2515
02:05:42,720 --> 02:05:47,280
Speaker 3: Expose that. It doesn't cure that, it exposes it. When

2516
02:05:47,360 --> 02:05:52,240
Speaker 3: God shows you who you are. It's not to sit

2517
02:05:52,320 --> 02:05:57,400
Speaker 3: and look at that's like saying we caught it. It's

2518
02:05:57,480 --> 02:06:01,440
Speaker 3: you your first stage cancer, but treatment for it. You

2519
02:06:01,480 --> 02:06:04,840
Speaker 3: have a really good chance of recovering from it. And

2520
02:06:04,880 --> 02:06:07,720
Speaker 3: you decide, I don't believe in doctors. I don't need

2521
02:06:07,760 --> 02:06:11,320
Speaker 3: to do anything about I don't need to follow any prescriptions.

2522
02:06:12,760 --> 02:06:13,400
Speaker 4: That's crazy.

2523
02:06:14,000 --> 02:06:16,560
Speaker 3: And what I'm saying to you is what I've witnessed

2524
02:06:16,760 --> 02:06:18,840
Speaker 3: and what I'll encourage you all to continue to do.

2525
02:06:19,320 --> 02:06:22,520
Speaker 3: As it is exposed the areas of your childhood, the

2526
02:06:22,600 --> 02:06:25,880
Speaker 3: areas of your wounding, the areas of your past relationship.

2527
02:06:26,120 --> 02:06:30,080
Speaker 3: As God begins to continue to expose those daily, you

2528
02:06:30,160 --> 02:06:33,600
Speaker 3: stop and say, you know what, if I need to

2529
02:06:33,640 --> 02:06:37,160
Speaker 3: give myself more grace, why because He's placed somebody in

2530
02:06:37,200 --> 02:06:38,960
Speaker 3: your life to show you what.

2531
02:06:38,880 --> 02:06:43,240
Speaker 4: Grace looks like. That's the area he's growing you.

2532
02:06:43,760 --> 02:06:46,360
Speaker 3: When he's shown you somebody where it says, listen to

2533
02:06:46,440 --> 02:06:50,520
Speaker 3: my heart and not just my words. You take heed,

2534
02:06:51,080 --> 02:06:54,320
Speaker 3: and you learn a new language, and you have new ears,

2535
02:06:54,560 --> 02:06:57,400
Speaker 3: and you don't just listen just for God to speak,

2536
02:06:57,560 --> 02:07:02,240
Speaker 3: but others you give them the same reference, reverence, and

2537
02:07:02,400 --> 02:07:04,560
Speaker 3: honor of listening to their heart.

2538
02:07:04,640 --> 02:07:06,000
Speaker 4: Because of the relationship.

2539
02:07:06,800 --> 02:07:10,520
Speaker 3: And I just love you all because when I walk

2540
02:07:10,560 --> 02:07:14,160
Speaker 3: away and after I've said this, guess what you all

2541
02:07:14,240 --> 02:07:15,320
Speaker 3: were gonna put this into action?

2542
02:07:15,640 --> 02:07:22,000
Speaker 1: Absolutely well listen, thank you so much love for wow. Yeah,

2543
02:07:22,080 --> 02:07:24,360
Speaker 1: this is this was this was this was beautiful. That's

2544
02:07:24,360 --> 02:07:27,880
Speaker 1: why I know why God allow you to enter into

2545
02:07:27,960 --> 02:07:30,800
Speaker 1: our lives and do what you do. You're very passionate

2546
02:07:30,880 --> 02:07:33,480
Speaker 1: about this work. It's not just work, but it's kingdom work.

2547
02:07:34,000 --> 02:07:38,240
Speaker 1: And uh, you're one of the leaders and champions in

2548
02:07:38,280 --> 02:07:40,880
Speaker 1: trying to preserve marriages and try to heal people so

2549
02:07:40,920 --> 02:07:42,680
Speaker 1: that when they show up in marriage, that they show

2550
02:07:42,760 --> 02:07:45,560
Speaker 1: up as their authentic self and their healed self. And

2551
02:07:45,640 --> 02:07:49,040
Speaker 1: so hey, listen, lit found make sure that y'all go support,

2552
02:07:49,240 --> 02:07:53,360
Speaker 1: go follow love Macpherson's social media page. Uh, do you

2553
02:07:53,400 --> 02:07:57,440
Speaker 1: have any openings for therapy sessions? Because when I say this,

2554
02:07:57,560 --> 02:07:58,800
Speaker 1: your calendar find.

2555
02:07:58,680 --> 02:08:02,280
Speaker 3: To get full, so you know, but actually I am

2556
02:08:02,560 --> 02:08:05,120
Speaker 3: about in twenty twenty six. What I want people to

2557
02:08:05,160 --> 02:08:09,520
Speaker 3: do is stay stay tuned for the Love Seat podcast

2558
02:08:09,600 --> 02:08:10,320
Speaker 3: that's coming.

2559
02:08:11,240 --> 02:08:13,800
Speaker 4: Yes, and of course I'm going to ask you all

2560
02:08:13,840 --> 02:08:14,320
Speaker 4: on the show.

2561
02:08:17,280 --> 02:08:21,040
Speaker 2: Y'all know she don't invite us. We're offended. We're offended.

2562
02:08:21,320 --> 02:08:23,400
Speaker 1: But hey, make sure y'all stay tuned so that when

2563
02:08:23,400 --> 02:08:26,080
Speaker 1: she launches a podcast, I'm gonna drop a link in

2564
02:08:26,120 --> 02:08:28,320
Speaker 1: our community tab so y'all can go and run her

2565
02:08:28,400 --> 02:08:32,400
Speaker 1: numbers up. She follow me on social media, Yeah, follow

2566
02:08:32,440 --> 02:08:36,320
Speaker 1: on social media at love Macpherson, right, yes, I love Macpherson,

2567
02:08:36,480 --> 02:08:39,680
Speaker 1: and it'll be a link in the description. But one

2568
02:08:39,720 --> 02:08:42,360
Speaker 1: thing about Love and Ashley can attest to this is

2569
02:08:42,400 --> 02:08:45,760
Speaker 1: that she's so different from a therapist. She you know,

2570
02:08:45,960 --> 02:08:49,240
Speaker 1: most therapists hear what you what you say, and then

2571
02:08:49,640 --> 02:08:53,080
Speaker 1: go through a diagnosis. But Love hears something in a

2572
02:08:53,160 --> 02:08:56,920
Speaker 1: spiritual realm that she'll say something that you didn't say,

2573
02:08:57,360 --> 02:08:59,600
Speaker 1: and it'd be so on point. It's been times that

2574
02:08:59,800 --> 02:09:03,320
Speaker 1: we there's been times we got in our counseling sessions

2575
02:09:03,640 --> 02:09:06,680
Speaker 1: and at the very beginning she should just start saying stuff.

2576
02:09:06,680 --> 02:09:08,520
Speaker 1: We're like, hold on, we were gonna tell you what

2577
02:09:09,040 --> 02:09:13,080
Speaker 1: are we doing? We just had this conversation five minutes ago.

2578
02:09:13,280 --> 02:09:15,480
Speaker 1: God stop telling this lady our stuff. We ain't ready

2579
02:09:15,520 --> 02:09:17,760
Speaker 1: to talk to Love about this. Why are you bringing

2580
02:09:17,800 --> 02:09:19,880
Speaker 1: this up? And so it was so many moments like

2581
02:09:19,960 --> 02:09:22,320
Speaker 1: that that told us and taught us that we were

2582
02:09:22,320 --> 02:09:25,440
Speaker 1: in the right hands, and she will handle you with

2583
02:09:25,840 --> 02:09:27,120
Speaker 1: grace anything you.

2584
02:09:27,080 --> 02:09:27,440
Speaker 2: Want to say.

2585
02:09:27,440 --> 02:09:37,840
Speaker 1: As you close out, Ashley, we did it.

2586
02:09:34,640 --> 02:09:35,400
Speaker 2: So we did it.

2587
02:09:35,440 --> 02:09:38,360
Speaker 1: Hey, make sure a Student of Love drops January the thirteenth.

2588
02:09:38,360 --> 02:09:39,520
Speaker 2: Make sure you get this book.

2589
02:09:39,720 --> 02:09:42,400
Speaker 1: Love is not about finding the right person, It's about

2590
02:09:42,440 --> 02:09:43,720
Speaker 1: becoming the right person.

2591
02:09:44,080 --> 02:09:46,320
Speaker 2: And so here she goes, she got the book right here.

2592
02:09:46,600 --> 02:09:47,320
Speaker 2: Get this book.

2593
02:09:47,400 --> 02:09:49,680
Speaker 1: Let me tell you some publishers need to see that

2594
02:09:49,800 --> 02:09:53,000
Speaker 1: this book is in hot demand for pre orders. I've

2595
02:09:53,040 --> 02:09:55,919
Speaker 1: been doing a lot of press Astley. I've been dragging

2596
02:09:55,960 --> 02:09:58,640
Speaker 1: her along with me on this press tour. She's been

2597
02:09:58,680 --> 02:10:01,320
Speaker 1: showing up doing amazing in the interviews.

2598
02:10:01,360 --> 02:10:02,040
Speaker 2: But this book.

2599
02:10:02,080 --> 02:10:04,960
Speaker 1: I wrote this book because I wanted to help heal

2600
02:10:05,080 --> 02:10:07,800
Speaker 1: us prior to taking these vows, and so that we

2601
02:10:07,840 --> 02:10:09,480
Speaker 1: can become a student of love. And it's not just

2602
02:10:09,600 --> 02:10:12,280
Speaker 1: romantic love, but it's love all the way around. Love

2603
02:10:12,320 --> 02:10:16,000
Speaker 1: with family, love with coworkers, love with just mankind. So

2604
02:10:16,080 --> 02:10:18,800
Speaker 1: make sure you purchase this book Student of Love, so

2605
02:10:18,840 --> 02:10:22,360
Speaker 1: that you could become a lifelong learner of love. Hey,

2606
02:10:22,640 --> 02:10:24,080
Speaker 1: this is a new thing that I'm adding to the

2607
02:10:24,080 --> 02:10:25,960
Speaker 1: podcast at the end of the day, Future Wifey Podcast.

2608
02:10:26,040 --> 02:10:27,800
Speaker 1: I used to write letters to my future wife. So

2609
02:10:27,840 --> 02:10:31,400
Speaker 1: now I'm asking the guests to write a key to love,

2610
02:10:31,720 --> 02:10:34,960
Speaker 1: and so love. You'll be the first person. You'll take this.

2611
02:10:36,040 --> 02:10:39,520
Speaker 9: You can handle this book and you hand that to her,

2612
02:10:39,840 --> 02:10:42,480
Speaker 9: and you'll write a key to love, just a statement

2613
02:10:43,760 --> 02:10:47,040
Speaker 9: about love, some little tip.

2614
02:10:47,600 --> 02:10:48,840
Speaker 4: So you want me to write it right now?

2615
02:10:48,920 --> 02:10:51,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, write it right now. Okay, write it right now, and.

2616
02:10:51,720 --> 02:10:54,240
Speaker 1: Then you'll take it and then you'll hang it up

2617
02:10:54,320 --> 02:10:55,960
Speaker 1: right there in that center thing.

2618
02:10:56,440 --> 02:11:02,520
Speaker 2: Okay, when you write it down, then you actually read it.

2619
02:11:07,720 --> 02:11:23,200
Speaker 2: Did good? How do you feel you did great? Okay,

2620
02:11:23,360 --> 02:11:24,200
Speaker 2: you wrote your name on it.

2621
02:11:24,600 --> 02:11:27,840
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, So I want to have a whole wall

2622
02:11:28,160 --> 02:11:31,320
Speaker 1: of different guests or no, you can.

2623
02:11:31,440 --> 02:11:32,200
Speaker 2: You can say it right now.

2624
02:11:32,240 --> 02:11:36,640
Speaker 3: So what I wrote here is you must grow up

2625
02:11:36,960 --> 02:11:39,960
Speaker 3: to love. The Bible says when I was a child,

2626
02:11:40,000 --> 02:11:43,280
Speaker 3: I spoke as a child. I thought as a child.

2627
02:11:43,320 --> 02:11:45,200
Speaker 3: I spoke as a child, I understood as a child,

2628
02:11:45,440 --> 02:11:47,879
Speaker 3: or reasoned as a child. When I became an adult,

2629
02:11:48,200 --> 02:11:51,160
Speaker 3: I put away childish things. We must heal the inner

2630
02:11:51,240 --> 02:11:54,480
Speaker 3: child in order to love correctly. That's why I always

2631
02:11:54,480 --> 02:11:57,880
Speaker 3: take you back, because that child wants love. It was

2632
02:11:57,920 --> 02:12:01,320
Speaker 3: burst in love. God is love, and so the little

2633
02:12:01,360 --> 02:12:04,240
Speaker 3: girl and the little boy always wants to love and

2634
02:12:04,240 --> 02:12:07,480
Speaker 3: they want love from each other. But the little boy

2635
02:12:07,520 --> 02:12:11,360
Speaker 3: and the little girl cannot run an adult relationship. You've

2636
02:12:11,440 --> 02:12:14,880
Speaker 3: got to put them to bed, and you've got to

2637
02:12:14,960 --> 02:12:20,720
Speaker 3: grow up and love correctly, love differently, love maturely, love

2638
02:12:20,840 --> 02:12:21,520
Speaker 3: like God.

2639
02:12:22,040 --> 02:12:23,560
Speaker 2: Good good, so gold.

2640
02:12:23,600 --> 02:12:26,080
Speaker 1: If you will please take that, put it right there

2641
02:12:26,200 --> 02:12:29,760
Speaker 1: on the center hook. You'll be the first person to

2642
02:12:29,800 --> 02:12:31,440
Speaker 1: put that there.

2643
02:12:31,440 --> 02:12:31,960
Speaker 2: It is.

2644
02:12:33,760 --> 02:12:37,640
Speaker 1: You got to grow up to love. You got to

2645
02:12:37,680 --> 02:12:41,200
Speaker 1: grow up to love. So what do you think about that, Ashley,

2646
02:12:41,280 --> 02:12:44,040
Speaker 1: to have a key to love, the keys to love.

2647
02:12:43,880 --> 02:12:48,080
Speaker 2: To have this yep, right there for you to put that.

2648
02:12:48,160 --> 02:12:51,240
Speaker 1: And so I'll take a key down after each episode

2649
02:12:51,280 --> 02:12:53,200
Speaker 1: and people will write a key to love, and so

2650
02:12:53,360 --> 02:12:55,040
Speaker 1: that center one will be the very first one.

2651
02:12:55,120 --> 02:12:55,520
Speaker 5: I love it.

2652
02:12:56,200 --> 02:12:56,640
Speaker 2: I'm good.

2653
02:12:56,840 --> 02:12:57,640
Speaker 5: I love quotes.

2654
02:12:57,680 --> 02:13:00,960
Speaker 1: I love wisdom, ye all that and all that I

2655
02:13:01,000 --> 02:13:02,680
Speaker 1: get and get wisdom and understanding.

2656
02:13:03,040 --> 02:13:03,280
Speaker 2: Hey.

2657
02:13:03,400 --> 02:13:07,880
Speaker 1: So this includes the first episode of season eleven, Episode

2658
02:13:08,000 --> 02:13:11,960
Speaker 1: one of the Dear Future Wifie podcasts with my new co.

2659
02:13:11,960 --> 02:13:15,240
Speaker 2: Host, Ashley Whitfield. Y'all, thank y'all so much.

2660
02:13:15,400 --> 02:13:18,040
Speaker 1: Make sure that y'all follow our social media follow us

2661
02:13:18,040 --> 02:13:20,880
Speaker 1: on Dear Future Wifie podcast and everywhere. You listen to

2662
02:13:20,920 --> 02:13:25,320
Speaker 1: your favorite podcast, tell your friends, tell your family about it. Support, support, support,

2663
02:13:25,680 --> 02:13:28,960
Speaker 1: God bless you, and remember, don't stop loving. Matter of fact,

2664
02:13:29,000 --> 02:13:30,880
Speaker 1: we're gonna come up with a new little thing. That's

2665
02:13:30,880 --> 02:13:33,560
Speaker 1: what I said in my single season. So I want

2666
02:13:33,920 --> 02:13:36,360
Speaker 1: after this episode, I want us to ide eight and

2667
02:13:36,400 --> 02:13:38,760
Speaker 1: come up with a new slogan for that.

2668
02:13:38,840 --> 02:13:41,200
Speaker 2: All right, dear, all right, y'all be blessed.

2669
02:13:41,920 --> 02:13:47,040
Speaker 1: Ladarium rusted suddenly into child protective services in twenty fifteen.

2670
02:13:47,640 --> 02:13:50,320
Speaker 2: My nephew, black a boy.

2671
02:13:50,920 --> 02:13:52,800
Speaker 1: The likelihood have been adopted outside of.

2672
02:13:52,840 --> 02:13:55,360
Speaker 2: Kinship slim to none?

2673
02:13:55,560 --> 02:14:00,680
Speaker 1: RMIONI, sixteen years old, black a boy with five years

2674
02:14:00,680 --> 02:14:03,200
Speaker 1: in the Falster care system before I even knew his name.

2675
02:14:04,000 --> 02:14:06,000
Speaker 1: The likelihood have ever been adopted?

2676
02:14:06,920 --> 02:14:09,280
Speaker 2: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

2677
02:14:10,840 --> 02:14:13,480
Speaker 1: While Ladarian and our MONI were trying to survive and

2678
02:14:13,520 --> 02:14:17,200
Speaker 1: barely thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded Falseter care system,

2679
02:14:17,240 --> 02:14:20,560
Speaker 1: I was living my own life, doing well professionally, having

2680
02:14:20,600 --> 02:14:22,640
Speaker 1: been a single father with a daughter who at that

2681
02:14:22,720 --> 02:14:25,320
Speaker 1: point was doing well in college. It was my time

2682
02:14:25,360 --> 02:14:32,080
Speaker 1: to live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

2683
02:14:33,000 --> 02:14:36,360
Speaker 1: There are just too many of our Black children stuck

2684
02:14:36,640 --> 02:14:40,120
Speaker 1: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falter care system.

2685
02:14:40,640 --> 02:14:43,720
Speaker 1: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian.

2686
02:14:44,360 --> 02:14:45,680
Speaker 2: Fast forward to twenty nineteen.

2687
02:14:45,720 --> 02:14:47,880
Speaker 1: I had no ties to this other young king, but

2688
02:14:47,920 --> 02:14:50,520
Speaker 1: I felt God instructed me to adopt him also in

2689
02:14:50,560 --> 02:14:54,640
Speaker 1: an babe. Starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right,

2690
02:14:54,720 --> 02:14:57,480
Speaker 1: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

2691
02:14:57,520 --> 02:15:00,600
Speaker 1: bring awareness to the countless young Black kings and the

2692
02:15:00,640 --> 02:15:05,040
Speaker 1: Falster care system should have decreased. My agitation right join

2693
02:15:05,120 --> 02:15:08,120
Speaker 1: the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization

2694
02:15:08,200 --> 02:15:11,360
Speaker 1: that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false

2695
02:15:11,520 --> 02:15:13,680
Speaker 1: care should have led to some type of resolve.

2696
02:15:13,760 --> 02:15:13,960
Speaker 2: Right.

2697
02:15:14,360 --> 02:15:18,440
Speaker 1: No, not at all. None of it felt like I

2698
02:15:18,520 --> 02:15:23,040
Speaker 1: had done enough. I now realized that every one of

2699
02:15:23,080 --> 02:15:27,280
Speaker 1: those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

2700
02:15:28,200 --> 02:15:29,000
Speaker 2: Kingdom Royal.

2701
02:15:29,920 --> 02:15:32,640
Speaker 1: Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of the art

2702
02:15:32,680 --> 02:15:35,840
Speaker 1: home for foster boys. Our first location will be in

2703
02:15:35,880 --> 02:15:38,920
Speaker 1: the Dallas Fort Word Metroplex. We will utilize the whole

2704
02:15:38,960 --> 02:15:43,000
Speaker 1: person approach that instills identity, empowers them to advocate for

2705
02:15:43,080 --> 02:15:47,800
Speaker 1: themselves and enlightens them regarding new perspectives and limitless options

2706
02:15:47,840 --> 02:15:52,320
Speaker 1: that they thought were impossible. Though the young Kings will

2707
02:15:52,320 --> 02:15:55,120
Speaker 1: attend the local public schools that are in proximity to

2708
02:15:55,200 --> 02:15:59,200
Speaker 1: Kingdom Royal. Our at home curriculum will broaden their worldview

2709
02:15:59,240 --> 02:16:03,600
Speaker 1: through participate the arts, attending various cultural events, learning about

2710
02:16:03,640 --> 02:16:07,800
Speaker 1: and engaging in multifaceted discussions about current events and even

2711
02:16:07,880 --> 02:16:12,560
Speaker 1: relevant historical contexts. Introducing them to gardening and landscaping, and

2712
02:16:12,640 --> 02:16:15,800
Speaker 1: even caring for our animals on our form and on

2713
02:16:15,920 --> 02:16:20,400
Speaker 1: site stables. We just launched our startup capital campaign with

2714
02:16:20,480 --> 02:16:22,520
Speaker 1: the goal of raising two point eight million dollars.

2715
02:16:22,520 --> 02:16:24,960
Speaker 2: Now why two point eight million dollars? Well.

2716
02:16:25,000 --> 02:16:27,360
Speaker 1: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which

2717
02:16:27,400 --> 02:16:31,320
Speaker 1: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.

2718
02:16:31,560 --> 02:16:33,840
Speaker 1: One of the most notable successes was that one of

2719
02:16:33,840 --> 02:16:36,720
Speaker 1: the videos went viral, garnering twenty.

2720
02:16:36,560 --> 02:16:38,480
Speaker 2: Eight million views.

2721
02:16:38,680 --> 02:16:41,360
Speaker 1: However, one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't

2722
02:16:41,440 --> 02:16:44,400
Speaker 1: raise a single dollar to help in implementing a more

2723
02:16:44,440 --> 02:16:48,279
Speaker 1: sustainable plan for the homeless community. So throughout the years,

2724
02:16:49,120 --> 02:16:52,959
Speaker 1: with much remorse, I reflect that I'm not maximizing that moment,

2725
02:16:53,040 --> 02:16:55,960
Speaker 1: I knew if at that time just ten percent of

2726
02:16:56,000 --> 02:16:58,880
Speaker 1: the viewers donated one dollar, we would have raised at

2727
02:16:58,959 --> 02:17:02,440
Speaker 1: least two point eight million dollars that could have really

2728
02:17:02,560 --> 02:17:05,520
Speaker 1: established long term support for the homeless community, or at

2729
02:17:05,600 --> 02:17:09,640
Speaker 1: least started a long term initiative to do so. This

2730
02:17:10,240 --> 02:17:14,120
Speaker 1: is my do over, This is our new beginning. Together,

2731
02:17:14,400 --> 02:17:17,720
Speaker 1: we can attack this at the route by specifically helping

2732
02:17:17,800 --> 02:17:22,720
Speaker 1: our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in

2733
02:17:22,760 --> 02:17:24,599
Speaker 1: the American fossil care system.

2734
02:17:25,000 --> 02:17:26,240
Speaker 2: I'm the Terisar Whickfield.

2735
02:17:26,240 --> 02:17:29,640
Speaker 1: I've been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work

2736
02:17:29,680 --> 02:17:32,640
Speaker 1: with the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey.

2737
02:17:33,200 --> 02:17:37,640
Speaker 1: Despite those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly

2738
02:17:37,760 --> 02:17:43,480
Speaker 1: providing the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot

2739
02:17:43,480 --> 02:17:47,120
Speaker 1: com for more details Crown of King and make a

2740
02:17:47,160 --> 02:17:57,160
Speaker 1: donation today. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the

2741
02:17:57,200 --> 02:18:02,679
Speaker 1: Dear Future Wife podcast. Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently,

2742
02:18:03,160 --> 02:18:04,120
Speaker 1: and don't stop loving.

2743
02:18:04,560 --> 02:18:06,840
Speaker 2: Make sure to subscribe to our Dear Future Wife and

2744
02:18:06,879 --> 02:18:07,560
Speaker 2: YouTube channel.

2745
02:18:07,720 --> 02:18:11,240
Speaker 1: We're available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher.

2746
02:18:11,480 --> 02:18:14,320
Speaker 1: We welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your

2747
02:18:14,360 --> 02:18:15,080
Speaker 1: friends and family.