WEBVTT - Oliver Mills: Being kinder to yourself 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:02.640 The ZM podcast Network. 0:00:04.080 --> 0:00:06.280 My mind just like snapped and it took a long 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:09.440 time to recover. I really am just a boy trying 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:13.880 to enjoy himself. I do that non apologetically. All I 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:16.760 feel is just a deep sense of gratitude, Like I 0:00:16.800 --> 0:00:20.480 am so overwhelmingly grateful for just existence. 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:26.439 Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Hope Israel, 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:29.520 the podcast. The podcast designed to help you feel a 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:32.479 little less alone, a bit more inspired, and of course, 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:37.519 as always, a lot more hopeful. Now, today's guest is 0:00:38.440 --> 0:00:40.600 a guy that you will know. You will have seen 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:43.800 his face. He is the man behind the twenty two hat. 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:46.600 He is the man involved in I think one of 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:48.880 TikTok's most famous love triangles. 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:51.280 It's Oliver Mills. Now Oliver. 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:53.520 For those of you who may have listened to last 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:56.000 season of the podcast, he was on last season. If 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.560 you haven't listened to the episode, please pause this one 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:01.000 right now, go back, listen to his other one, and 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.440 then come back to this one. Because the man who 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:06.240 is sitting in front of me today on this episode 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.040 is so different to the person who sat down with 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:11.800 me a year ago. The growth that Oliver's had has 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:16.240 been phenomenal, and his mental health journey is one. As 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:18.560 we all know, mental health goes up and down, and 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:20.479 it's such a journey to kind of live with. 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:22.959 But he lived a lot of his life with depression. 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:25.880 He had hospital stays, and the last time that I 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:28.679 sat down with him, he was really in the mindset 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:31.760 that his depression was his identity and it's just who 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:33.479 he was and no matter what he did, it would 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.039 never change. But now he's began to realize a lot 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.399 of the stuff around self care and the importance of 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.360 being kind to yourself. And this episode we talking about 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:47.520 everything from of course, the iconic Taylor Swift moment, what happened, 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:49.640 how the heck did he get chosen for this hat, 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.720 the fact Taylor Swift thinks he's the funniest person on earth, like, 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:56.200 oh my gosh, what to this love triangle? To dealing 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.840 with mental health and the career that he's in. It's 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.720 really kind of an update on life, but also helping 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.800 you understand that what you necessarily see on a screen 0:02:04.920 --> 0:02:08.560 of maybe someone's life going really well doesn't always mean 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:12.200 that that is what's matching what's going on externally or 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:14.679 kind of internally. I guess that everyone is fighting a 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.800 beat or everyone is going through something, and Oliver is 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:21.040 amazing at articulating the things that he struggles with, but 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.360 how he manages to cope with those. So Oliver Mills 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.240 his story Taylor Swift twenty two hat all of that's 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:28.800 coming up right after this. 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:35.480 Oliver Mills, Hey, goodness, you're back. 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:38.320 I think you were like maybe one of two guests 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:40.760 that I've had on twice and I had to do 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:42.880 it because your life has changed a little bit like 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:44.160 jurassically changed. 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:46.840 The last time you were here, you were very different. 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:49.080 You had a smashed phone that you were trying to 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:50.160 record your things on. 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:55.040 You were run TikTok, no it on TikTok. For those 0:02:55.080 --> 0:02:56.760 listening watching, is it we video and not? 0:02:56.880 --> 0:02:58.880 Yeah, yeah we are as soon. 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:00.440 As me and Jay's finished our last part cause she 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:03.960 gave me her home. So from that and from that 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:05.920 day forth, on the drive home, I was like, I 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:10.320 will vanquish her enemies until the day. I adore you. 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:11.600 I adore you. 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.720 It's such a force for light in New Zealand especially 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:15.160 but the world. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:16.160 Oh you're so sweet. 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:17.080 Knock it out of the park. 0:03:17.120 --> 0:03:19.040 I mean, you're knocking out of the park right now, 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.799 and I really it makes me. Every time I see 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:24.320 you online, it just fills me with joy because the 0:03:24.320 --> 0:03:26.760 person that I met the very first time we were 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:30.800 at Kessie Henderson's launch thing or party at whatever it 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:35.240 was album party thing and seeing this passionate I was 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:36.800 about to say little, but that's bold of me to 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:38.640 say when I can't touch the floor on this chair 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:39.240 that I'm sitting in. 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:42.440 But this passionate kid. 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.720 Who just was so like you were so excited, the 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:47.440 world was soberg but there was also so much going 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.400 on for you. And who sits in front of me 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:53.520 now is just a different person to who sat in 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:54.520 front of me last time. 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.120 So much has happened, lots and lots and lots so. 0:03:58.160 --> 0:03:59.920 Like, literally so much that Okay, so I need to 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.360 I honestly don't even know where to start. Like, first 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:05.680 of all, I've never sabbed so much when I saw 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.880 you get the twenty two hatch from Taylor Swift. 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:12.280 It's ridiculous. No, I don't. I actually still don't really 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:14.400 know how to talk about it. Like I've seen so 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:17.200 many videos of that happening and I forget that, like 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:20.960 I have the memory from my eyes and going back 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.040 to that is like, what the hell is going on? 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:24.919 I can't believe that have you had a moment of 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:29.960 like you literally nearly missed the Oliver, like lots of those. 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:35.280 Like more than anything right now, all I feel every 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:38.200 day is just a deep sense of gratitude, Like I 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:44.600 am so overwhelmingly grateful for just existence. Really I feel 0:04:44.680 --> 0:04:46.200 very very lucky. I can't believe I get to be 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:50.000 here with you, Like this is truly this is a dream, 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.760 very serious. I absolutely adore you. I think you were 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:54.880 so wonderful. I really adore you. 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:56.719 And that's why, like from the moment that I met you, 0:04:56.800 --> 0:04:59.000 I was like I just need Like you're gonna have 0:04:59.040 --> 0:05:01.880 such a huge impact this world, and your joy is 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:05.599 infictious and it's contagious. And to be able to even 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:08.360 look at Oliver that was sitting here last season, and 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:10.360 to be able to tell you, like, this is what 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:11.680 your life is going to look like in. 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:13.600 A year and one year. 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:16.800 The kid who sat here before was still very unsure 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:19.760 of life, was still very you know, mental health was 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:23.480 always up and down anyway, but like didn't know what. 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:29.000 His purpose was, didn't know. And now you're out here, 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:30.679 you're traveling. You went to London. 0:05:30.960 --> 0:05:33.480 Yeah, I had I had a big brand deal in London, 0:05:33.480 --> 0:05:35.800 like my first ever. That was my first ever brand deal. 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:38.800 It's the first time I got paid from anything TikTok 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.080 or and social media or anything. 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:41.479 Yeah, you were like really broke when I saw you 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:42.400 last time as well. 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:47.640 Yeah, my phone was cracked, like yes, how it happened 0:05:47.680 --> 0:05:49.040 was Jazz was like, do you want to take a photo? 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.120 I was like no, no, sorry, Like my my TikTok 0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:55.240 wasn't opening on that phone. It was like an iPhone ten. 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:58.680 But it was beat all hell and and you gave 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:01.720 me a phone and then it really has been up that. Yeah, 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.000 I went to London, like I've never traveled, Like I've 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:09.760 really not done much living really, I did most of 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:12.280 it in here for the first like how many years. 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.120 But now we're actually like going out and seeing the world. 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:15.840 Can we can we do a bit of a recap 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.719 for those whom we didn't hear the last episode of 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.279 your Journey before this year, because this year has been 0:06:22.000 --> 0:06:26.120 absolute Like I look at it and I so understand 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.719 it because I remember when this happened for me, different 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:30.920 didn't have Taylor Swift telling me I'm the funniest person. 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:34.640 But I remember my life exploding and being like, oh 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:37.040 my gosh, like what has happened? But I would love 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:39.680 to go back, Like you, can you talk about what 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:41.800 your life was like before this In the last year 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:44.159 and kind of leading up to that, you had a really. 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:48.360 Hard battle with your mind? Can you tell us what happened? I? 0:06:49.360 --> 0:06:54.320 Yeah, I was depressed at sixteen fifteen and sixteen from 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:58.359 a really bad breakup and my mind just like snapped 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.920 it and it took a long time to recover. And 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:04.960 then I struggled through and stumbled through existence for a 0:07:05.000 --> 0:07:08.080 long time, and then was at university and moved around 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:10.360 there and I don't really like school and never really 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:12.360 liked school, so like there was going to university was 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:14.200 a bit silly. I have a degree that I haven't finished. 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:15.560 What degree was it? 0:07:15.640 --> 0:07:17.000 Philosophy and psychology? 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:18.720 That makes so much sense. 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:20.240 For Visah' sorry what an arrogant thing? 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:23.160 No, like literally, with the way that you talk, it 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:23.960 makes so much sense. 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:26.960 I couldn't do so psychology great, like straight a's no 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:29.400 problem at all. Philosophy, what are we talking about? Like 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:32.880 can we actually say something that has meaning and value 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.400 rather than like, here's what this white man thinks, and 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:38.080 this white man disagreed and hadn't I what are we doing? 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:39.400 Like, yeah, correct, I couldn't. 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:41.880 I couldn't get into it, but then stumbled upon techtoc 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:44.240 like just started uploading random videos of me singing in 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:51.840 the car, and then it took off, and Christmas last year, 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:54.560 I was like, I'm just gonna We're just gonna do this, 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.240 like I'm gonna see what happens. And so I moved 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:59.520 home to them Mount with lips, started living with Mum 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:02.320 and Dad, and then it all just started falling into place. 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:06.440 And I really don't know where I am now, which 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:08.720 younger Oliver would have never believed because you were struggling 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:11.000 to even stay alive a while ago. 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:17.200 Yeah, like like really quite quite seriously was nearly not here. 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:22.520 And the amount of times that I just see you're 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:24.640 posting or just seeing stuff have you come up and 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:28.120 just this immense like I can't even explain how proud 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:32.760 I am that, like, because I've seen you in that 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:35.960 his space of just like this is my identity, nothing's 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.360 ever going to change, and for you to experience what 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:40.720 real hope is, like you couldn't even answer that question 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:41.240 last time. 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.120 You couldn't answer what the meaning of hope was. 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.400 When you were like, like, so is there hope? And 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:47.320 I was like, don't make me tell them that there's not. 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:51.360 Well, you also believed that depression was just who you were. 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:54.840 How has that shifted for you? No, you still believe 0:08:54.880 --> 0:08:55.320 that's who. 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:57.440 You are, not who I am. But like, God, this 0:08:57.559 --> 0:09:00.760 is a step forward we're making straight. It's no, it's 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.199 more for me. It's that like I have a very 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.880 sensitive mind. Yeah, Like I broke my arm when I 0:09:05.960 --> 0:09:10.160 was sixteen or seventeen or whatever, and it healed wrong, 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:12.000 and I have bad knees and so like I'm very 0:09:12.040 --> 0:09:14.440 careful with them, and it's the same with my brain. 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:17.240 I take at the moment, I just take an incredible 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:22.440 amount of care with myself and my peace and what 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.160 allows me to get through. And a lot of the 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:27.160 time for me, that's doing nothing. Really, I don't do 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:30.520 a lot. I spend a lot of time just just 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:32.920 getting through. And I like that for me. I really 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:33.640 need that for me. 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.200 Well, that also is such a significant difference, even though 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:39.480 it might kind of feel the same, the fact that 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:40.360 you're even able to be. 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:43.360 Like I'm actually just really sensitive, Like I've got you. 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:45.760 Know, like this stuff that just impacts you a lot 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.400 more than it might impact someone else, just because of 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:50.240 the way that you've developed and for you to be 0:09:50.280 --> 0:09:52.839 able to see that and understand that and take. 0:09:52.760 --> 0:09:53.360 Care of that. 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.760 Yeah, I'm very I'm very gentle with myself. I know 0:09:56.880 --> 0:10:00.720 a lot about what I need. And for the longest 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:02.960 time I fought against that because it felt like I 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.959 was fighting against the the illness. But it's no, it's 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.640 it's more like accepting what I am. And that's like 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:16.680 someone who will uh stray into really really dark thoughts. Yeah, 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.319 and so I'm just I'm just gentle with myself, trying 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:21.440 to try and be very kind with myself. I protect 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:26.479 my peace over pretty much anything good without being hedonistic. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.440 That's that's always the worry. But like coming here, like 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:31.640 I drove here from Tott and I literally just drove in. 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:34.600 This is for me, Like I adore you. I can't 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:35.920 believe that I get to do this, and so and 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:37.080 I'm just I'm driving back. 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:38.640 I can't believe you drove up here just for this. 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:40.800 Of course. Yeah, no, I'll do I'll do anything for you. 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.520 Oh my gosh, I I owe you the world. I know, 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:44.360 not at all. 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:46.160 Not at all. 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.320 It's been my my absolute greatest pleasure just watching you 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:54.679 live this crazy life. And I mean the moment with 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.719 Taylor Swift is like we have we have to talk 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:01.560 about all of it, because first of all, every video 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:03.600 I'd ever seen was children getting it. 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:04.839 Yep, but should have been a kid. 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:09.200 And then suddenly it's Oliver no, no, no, how iconic? 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.400 Is this right? Okay? Can you can you tell? Like 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:13.640 what happened? So get to this concert? 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.200 Usually so yeah, Taylor Swift gives out a twenty two hat, 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.160 a hat signed with during her song twenty two too, 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:22.680 usually a child, usually a sick child. So we got 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.360 there in the mediate last start finding all the you know, 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:27.360 all the maker Wish kids, and I'm pushing them out 0:11:27.360 --> 0:11:29.640 of the way, shoving them care and getting all these 0:11:29.720 --> 0:11:31.640 little things. And then I got to the stage and 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:33.440 I was like, hey, I'm here, and she saw me. 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.040 She was like, I think it was supposed to be 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:38.720 a child, but like you're here too, and that's fine. 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:43.920 It was ridiculous. It was the most unbelievable thing that's 0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:44.679 ever happened. 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:48.120 And Taylor specifically requested it to be you yeah, yeah. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.120 Which is I don't know I don't know how no 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:51.520 one that is or if that's something you want to 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:54.840 be knowing, But like that was something that wasn't random, 0:11:55.480 --> 0:12:01.600 Like she chose you, Oliver. That seems amable, Like it 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:03.840 wasn't her team that just saw you and was like, 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.480 oh we should bring Like she chose you because of 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:08.439 the light that you bring and how funny you are. 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:10.920 I can't believe she should should have been a child. 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:14.280 But happy, right, I mean, I'm thrilled for you. You're standing there, 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:15.760 You're what should have come towards you. 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:17.400 She would have been a set kid. But I'm happy 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:18.120 to take it right. 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:19.880 What's going through your brain as you're standing there? 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:20.760 Oh, nothing at all? 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:22.360 Like what's going through your brain when you find out 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.400 you are going to get the twenty two hat? 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:28.200 I did? I mean nothing, Like what what do you mean? 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:30.400 First of all, like they they came and got us 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:33.040 and moved us to VIP and like even that, I 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.360 was like, what are we doing? Like this is so shue, 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.760 But this was so last minute. It was like we 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:40.360 found out I found out I was going to Eras 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.520 like a week before we went wow and then yeah, 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:45.000 one of her teams said, well, we were walking down 0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:49.120 to VIP like it's just leading me no this, and 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.120 I was like I don't know what to do about 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.040 that or with that at all. 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:56.400 I would have just left. Yeah, I couldn't have handled it. 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:58.360 I would have just I would have just exited the building. 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:01.480 Yeah. No. Yeah. So it was just like, okay, let's 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:04.040 just uh, let's just enjoy the concert. And it's eras is. 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:05.080 Have you seen have you been? 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:06.560 I haven't. I couldn't get tickets. 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:11.319 We have to go? Yes, please, It's the most unbelievable show. 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:13.959 Yeah, I've seen every single video. I watch every video. 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:16.840 It's ridiculous, feel like a movie. And because we were 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:20.640 in VIP, sorry like this, sorry anyway, So I was 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:22.960 in VIP with my with my twenty two hats and 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:26.520 it's basically don Julio like that was like Ben's full 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:29.839 of and you know, it was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.240 But I don't I I really don't know how to 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:36.760 speak about it quite quite earnestly, because it's so unfathomable. 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:39.960 You know. I had like people that bullied me in 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:42.480 school messaging me on Instagram like hey man, congrats, and 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:44.800 that's how you know, Yeah, that's how you know I'm 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.160 right now. We good. It's been pretty high after that, 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:50.440 it was. It was ridiculous. 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.480 I just I remember seeing the video and messaging you immediately, 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:55.760 and I'm pretty sure the first thing that I said. 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:58.280 To you was, Oliver, you nearly missed this. Yeah, like 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:00.000 that was the first. 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:03.520 Obviously you were still and you still are now, just like, literally, 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:06.120 what the heck? No, But as an outsider who knew 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:10.280 your story and seeing this and being like, boy, if 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.839 you had gone through I was not being here and 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:14.680 the way that you had tried to and believe that 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:16.959 you should not be here, you would not be standing 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:21.520 in front of Taylor Swift getting this damn hat dancing along. 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:26.080 Like. I had moments like that during Enchanted, where like 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:29.200 just literally looking up and this like it's like this 0:14:29.400 --> 0:14:33.320 quasi religious song amongst one hundred thousand people, every single 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:34.680 person in the stadium is singing it, and I was 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:37.560 looking up and I was like, we made it. Like 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:40.080 I really can't believe I'm gonna cry. I'm here. 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.120 I'm literally gonna cry. 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:44.080 I can't believe I got there. I had. I had 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.160 lots of moments like that during the concert of just 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:50.280 like we I really nearly missed all of this. 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:54.720 I think I'm legitimately there are tears forming in my eyeballs. 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:57.560 I'm so emotion about it because I also remember, and 0:14:57.600 --> 0:14:59.360 it was not that long ago, having a similar moment 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:03.160 I was at Pang and which side note also insane 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:08.680 concert when you're flying around this is amazing, what are 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:09.040 you doing? 0:15:09.160 --> 0:15:09.680 Get done? 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:12.440 But just standing there. 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:14.560 And looking up and I remember just starting to cry 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:17.600 and having this moment of like I really missed this, 0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:22.440 Like and it's just those moments of like not even 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.480 the big crazy things that happen in life, but just 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:28.280 a moment of being amongst all of these people and 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:31.840 being like, holy crap, like I had. 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:36.960 I'd had the adverse moments of like experiencing a pain 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.480 so great that like this is so great that it 0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:41.520 can't be worth it. And I had that at the 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.120 Swift content. I've had it many times since, of like 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:48.000 this is so good that everything is worth it. That 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.560 that during enchanted of me, like literally like looking up 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:53.280 and there's all these lights and it's all the whole 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:55.360 standium is purple. I got you one of these, actually, 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.600 I forgot to bring it for you. Yeah, Hella Swift's 0:15:58.600 --> 0:16:00.560 touched this as well. It's long lived, which. 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:01.440 Is Taylor fIF just touched this. 0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:03.480 Yeah, this was one of the ones on my on 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:07.160 my hands. I had to forgot about it level of course, 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:08.400 of course. 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.680 Oh my gosh, Oliver, Oh my godness, this is Oh 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:12.040 my gosh. 0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:14.000 I was in my room this morning, like which one, Like, 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.800 there's like a hundred I had. I had like a 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.920 you know, down to my elbows of and I'm like 0:16:20.000 --> 0:16:20.600 screwing through. 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:22.560 If you could look back at Oliver a year. 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:26.200 Ago and tell him what was about to happen, what 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:27.760 would like, how do you how do you talk to. 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:28.680 Oliver from a year ago? 0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:30.680 I wouldn't tell him anything, you know, like he had 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.400 to be who he was to experience what he did. 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:37.680 And so yeah, no, I'd never betray my former self 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:41.400 with do this differently, Like I you know, I'm. 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.440 Just so thankful that your former self chose to fight 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:45.880 every single day to be here, and not just for 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:49.960 these massive, crazy successful moments. 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.480 But just for you and who you are and seeing. 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:57.120 You develop as just like you're really coming into yourself 0:16:57.120 --> 0:16:59.560 and you're finding yourself and you are finding your place 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:01.480 in the world, and the fact that you had to 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:04.840 like people will never understand how hard you had to 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.800 fight to just be okay with yourself and to be 0:17:07.880 --> 0:17:11.760 okay in your own company. And I think that happens 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:13.720 a lot of the time when people see people becoming 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:14.800 successful in. 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:18.200 Any area, but especially online. You see these highlights. 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:20.600 But you've been so incredible as well at being so 0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.119 transparent about kind of the ups and the downs and 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:25.600 showing the whole journey, and a lot of people can 0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:27.320 still be like, yeah, it just kind of snapped and 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:29.199 then it was great, and now he's just lived this 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:30.520 perfect life in the case. 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.640 No, I was at Starship right. They locked me away. 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:35.200 They took my shoelacers and the drawer street from my ship. 0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:36.000 I was there. 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.120 Oh my god, did that I don't think we did. 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:40.760 And I went to the and see if you was 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:42.080 that the child family unit. 0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:43.880 Yeah, I hang out with the kids through all the time. 0:17:43.920 --> 0:17:44.560 I'd love to go. 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.200 Back, but you go back together. 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.280 Yeah, I love to. They had me in the in 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:51.440 the ward where like you're not allowed outside it here. Yeah, 0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:52.920 it was. It was bad. 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:57.960 We did not talk about this shike psych Wold experiences. 0:17:58.000 --> 0:17:58.640 How old were. 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:02.399 You sixteen, I think, or maybe sixteen or seventeen. I 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:03.960 can't remember if I got my tattoos at seventeen. I 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:05.160 can't remember if I had tattoo. 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:08.080 What was it that legit into the psyched? 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:12.680