Speaker 1: The ZM podcast Network.
Speaker 2: My mind just like snapped and it took a long
Speaker 2: time to recover. I really am just a boy trying
Speaker 2: to enjoy himself. I do that non apologetically. All I
Speaker 2: feel is just a deep sense of gratitude, Like I
Speaker 2: am so overwhelmingly grateful for just existence.
Speaker 3: Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Hope Israel,
Speaker 3: the podcast. The podcast designed to help you feel a
Speaker 3: little less alone, a bit more inspired, and of course,
Speaker 3: as always, a lot more hopeful. Now, today's guest is
Speaker 3: a guy that you will know. You will have seen
Speaker 3: his face. He is the man behind the twenty two hat.
Speaker 3: He is the man involved in I think one of
Speaker 3: TikTok's most famous love triangles.
Speaker 1: It's Oliver Mills. Now Oliver.
Speaker 3: For those of you who may have listened to last
Speaker 3: season of the podcast, he was on last season. If
Speaker 3: you haven't listened to the episode, please pause this one
Speaker 3: right now, go back, listen to his other one, and
Speaker 3: then come back to this one. Because the man who
Speaker 3: is sitting in front of me today on this episode
Speaker 3: is so different to the person who sat down with
Speaker 3: me a year ago. The growth that Oliver's had has
Speaker 3: been phenomenal, and his mental health journey is one. As
Speaker 3: we all know, mental health goes up and down, and
Speaker 3: it's such a journey to kind of live with.
Speaker 1: But he lived a lot of his life with depression.
Speaker 3: He had hospital stays, and the last time that I
Speaker 3: sat down with him, he was really in the mindset
Speaker 3: that his depression was his identity and it's just who
Speaker 3: he was and no matter what he did, it would
Speaker 3: never change. But now he's began to realize a lot
Speaker 3: of the stuff around self care and the importance of
Speaker 3: being kind to yourself. And this episode we talking about
Speaker 3: everything from of course, the iconic Taylor Swift moment, what happened,
Speaker 3: how the heck did he get chosen for this hat,
Speaker 3: the fact Taylor Swift thinks he's the funniest person on earth, like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, what to this love triangle? To dealing
Speaker 3: with mental health and the career that he's in. It's
Speaker 3: really kind of an update on life, but also helping
Speaker 3: you understand that what you necessarily see on a screen
Speaker 3: of maybe someone's life going really well doesn't always mean
Speaker 3: that that is what's matching what's going on externally or
Speaker 3: kind of internally. I guess that everyone is fighting a
Speaker 3: beat or everyone is going through something, and Oliver is
Speaker 3: amazing at articulating the things that he struggles with, but
Speaker 3: how he manages to cope with those. So Oliver Mills
Speaker 3: his story Taylor Swift twenty two hat all of that's
Speaker 3: coming up right after this.
Speaker 1: Oliver Mills, Hey, goodness, you're back.
Speaker 3: I think you were like maybe one of two guests
Speaker 3: that I've had on twice and I had to do
Speaker 3: it because your life has changed a little bit like
Speaker 3: jurassically changed.
Speaker 1: The last time you were here, you were very different.
Speaker 3: You had a smashed phone that you were trying to
Speaker 3: record your things on.
Speaker 2: You were run TikTok, no it on TikTok. For those
Speaker 2: listening watching, is it we video and not?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah we are as soon.
Speaker 2: As me and Jay's finished our last part cause she
Speaker 2: gave me her home. So from that and from that
Speaker 2: day forth, on the drive home, I was like, I
Speaker 2: will vanquish her enemies until the day. I adore you.
Speaker 1: I adore you.
Speaker 2: It's such a force for light in New Zealand especially
Speaker 2: but the world.
Speaker 1: Oh you're so sweet.
Speaker 2: Knock it out of the park.
Speaker 3: I mean, you're knocking out of the park right now,
Speaker 3: and I really it makes me. Every time I see
Speaker 3: you online, it just fills me with joy because the
Speaker 3: person that I met the very first time we were
Speaker 3: at Kessie Henderson's launch thing or party at whatever it
Speaker 3: was album party thing and seeing this passionate I was
Speaker 3: about to say little, but that's bold of me to
Speaker 3: say when I can't touch the floor on this chair
Speaker 3: that I'm sitting in.
Speaker 1: But this passionate kid.
Speaker 3: Who just was so like you were so excited, the
Speaker 3: world was soberg but there was also so much going
Speaker 3: on for you. And who sits in front of me
Speaker 3: now is just a different person to who sat in
Speaker 3: front of me last time.
Speaker 1: So much has happened, lots and lots and lots so.
Speaker 3: Like, literally so much that Okay, so I need to
Speaker 3: I honestly don't even know where to start. Like, first
Speaker 3: of all, I've never sabbed so much when I saw
Speaker 3: you get the twenty two hatch from Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2: It's ridiculous. No, I don't. I actually still don't really
Speaker 2: know how to talk about it. Like I've seen so
Speaker 2: many videos of that happening and I forget that, like
Speaker 2: I have the memory from my eyes and going back
Speaker 2: to that is like, what the hell is going on?
Speaker 3: I can't believe that have you had a moment of
Speaker 3: like you literally nearly missed the Oliver, like lots of those.
Speaker 2: Like more than anything right now, all I feel every
Speaker 2: day is just a deep sense of gratitude, Like I
Speaker 2: am so overwhelmingly grateful for just existence. Really I feel
Speaker 2: very very lucky. I can't believe I get to be
Speaker 2: here with you, Like this is truly this is a dream,
Speaker 2: very serious. I absolutely adore you. I think you were
Speaker 2: so wonderful. I really adore you.
Speaker 3: And that's why, like from the moment that I met you,
Speaker 3: I was like I just need Like you're gonna have
Speaker 3: such a huge impact this world, and your joy is
Speaker 3: infictious and it's contagious. And to be able to even
Speaker 3: look at Oliver that was sitting here last season, and
Speaker 3: to be able to tell you, like, this is what
Speaker 3: your life is going to look like in.
Speaker 1: A year and one year.
Speaker 3: The kid who sat here before was still very unsure
Speaker 3: of life, was still very you know, mental health was
Speaker 3: always up and down anyway, but like didn't know what.
Speaker 1: His purpose was, didn't know. And now you're out here,
Speaker 1: you're traveling. You went to London.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had I had a big brand deal in London,
Speaker 2: like my first ever. That was my first ever brand deal.
Speaker 2: It's the first time I got paid from anything TikTok
Speaker 2: or and social media or anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were like really broke when I saw you
Speaker 1: last time as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my phone was cracked, like yes, how it happened
Speaker 2: was Jazz was like, do you want to take a photo?
Speaker 2: I was like no, no, sorry, Like my my TikTok
Speaker 2: wasn't opening on that phone. It was like an iPhone ten.
Speaker 2: But it was beat all hell and and you gave
Speaker 2: me a phone and then it really has been up that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I went to London, like I've never traveled, Like I've
Speaker 2: really not done much living really, I did most of
Speaker 2: it in here for the first like how many years.
Speaker 2: But now we're actually like going out and seeing the world.
Speaker 3: Can we can we do a bit of a recap
Speaker 3: for those whom we didn't hear the last episode of
Speaker 3: your Journey before this year, because this year has been
Speaker 3: absolute Like I look at it and I so understand
Speaker 3: it because I remember when this happened for me, different
Speaker 3: didn't have Taylor Swift telling me I'm the funniest person.
Speaker 3: But I remember my life exploding and being like, oh
Speaker 3: my gosh, like what has happened? But I would love
Speaker 3: to go back, Like you, can you talk about what
Speaker 3: your life was like before this In the last year
Speaker 3: and kind of leading up to that, you had a really.
Speaker 1: Hard battle with your mind? Can you tell us what happened? I?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was depressed at sixteen fifteen and sixteen from
Speaker 2: a really bad breakup and my mind just like snapped
Speaker 2: it and it took a long time to recover. And
Speaker 2: then I struggled through and stumbled through existence for a
Speaker 2: long time, and then was at university and moved around
Speaker 2: there and I don't really like school and never really
Speaker 2: liked school, so like there was going to university was
Speaker 2: a bit silly. I have a degree that I haven't finished.
Speaker 1: What degree was it?
Speaker 2: Philosophy and psychology?
Speaker 1: That makes so much sense.
Speaker 2: For Visah' sorry what an arrogant thing?
Speaker 1: No, like literally, with the way that you talk, it
Speaker 1: makes so much sense.
Speaker 2: I couldn't do so psychology great, like straight a's no
Speaker 2: problem at all. Philosophy, what are we talking about? Like
Speaker 2: can we actually say something that has meaning and value
Speaker 2: rather than like, here's what this white man thinks, and
Speaker 2: this white man disagreed and hadn't I what are we doing?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, correct, I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I couldn't get into it, but then stumbled upon techtoc
Speaker 2: like just started uploading random videos of me singing in
Speaker 2: the car, and then it took off, and Christmas last year,
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm just gonna We're just gonna do this,
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna see what happens. And so I moved
Speaker 2: home to them Mount with lips, started living with Mum
Speaker 2: and Dad, and then it all just started falling into place.
Speaker 1: And I really don't know where I am now, which
Speaker 1: younger Oliver would have never believed because you were struggling
Speaker 1: to even stay alive a while ago.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like like really quite quite seriously was nearly not here.
Speaker 3: And the amount of times that I just see you're
Speaker 3: posting or just seeing stuff have you come up and
Speaker 3: just this immense like I can't even explain how proud
Speaker 3: I am that, like, because I've seen you in that
Speaker 3: his space of just like this is my identity, nothing's
Speaker 3: ever going to change, and for you to experience what
Speaker 3: real hope is, like you couldn't even answer that question
Speaker 3: last time.
Speaker 1: You couldn't answer what the meaning of hope was.
Speaker 2: When you were like, like, so is there hope? And
Speaker 2: I was like, don't make me tell them that there's not.
Speaker 1: Well, you also believed that depression was just who you were.
Speaker 1: How has that shifted for you? No, you still believe
Speaker 1: that's who.
Speaker 2: You are, not who I am. But like, God, this
Speaker 2: is a step forward we're making straight. It's no, it's
Speaker 2: more for me. It's that like I have a very
Speaker 2: sensitive mind. Yeah, Like I broke my arm when I
Speaker 2: was sixteen or seventeen or whatever, and it healed wrong,
Speaker 2: and I have bad knees and so like I'm very
Speaker 2: careful with them, and it's the same with my brain.
Speaker 2: I take at the moment, I just take an incredible
Speaker 2: amount of care with myself and my peace and what
Speaker 2: allows me to get through. And a lot of the
Speaker 2: time for me, that's doing nothing. Really, I don't do
Speaker 2: a lot. I spend a lot of time just just
Speaker 2: getting through. And I like that for me. I really
Speaker 2: need that for me.
Speaker 3: Well, that also is such a significant difference, even though
Speaker 3: it might kind of feel the same, the fact that
Speaker 3: you're even able to be.
Speaker 1: Like I'm actually just really sensitive, Like I've got you.
Speaker 3: Know, like this stuff that just impacts you a lot
Speaker 3: more than it might impact someone else, just because of
Speaker 3: the way that you've developed and for you to be
Speaker 3: able to see that and understand that and take.
Speaker 1: Care of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm very I'm very gentle with myself. I know
Speaker 2: a lot about what I need. And for the longest
Speaker 2: time I fought against that because it felt like I
Speaker 2: was fighting against the the illness. But it's no, it's
Speaker 2: it's more like accepting what I am. And that's like
Speaker 2: someone who will uh stray into really really dark thoughts. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and so I'm just I'm just gentle with myself, trying
Speaker 2: to try and be very kind with myself. I protect
Speaker 2: my peace over pretty much anything good without being hedonistic.
Speaker 2: That's that's always the worry. But like coming here, like
Speaker 2: I drove here from Tott and I literally just drove in.
Speaker 2: This is for me, Like I adore you. I can't
Speaker 2: believe that I get to do this, and so and
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm driving back.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you drove up here just for this.
Speaker 2: Of course. Yeah, no, I'll do I'll do anything for you.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I I owe you the world. I know,
Speaker 2: not at all.
Speaker 1: Not at all.
Speaker 3: It's been my my absolute greatest pleasure just watching you
Speaker 3: live this crazy life. And I mean the moment with
Speaker 3: Taylor Swift is like we have we have to talk
Speaker 3: about all of it, because first of all, every video
Speaker 3: I'd ever seen was children getting it.
Speaker 2: Yep, but should have been a kid.
Speaker 3: And then suddenly it's Oliver no, no, no, how iconic?
Speaker 1: Is this right? Okay? Can you can you tell? Like
Speaker 1: what happened? So get to this concert?
Speaker 2: Usually so yeah, Taylor Swift gives out a twenty two hat,
Speaker 2: a hat signed with during her song twenty two too,
Speaker 2: usually a child, usually a sick child. So we got
Speaker 2: there in the mediate last start finding all the you know,
Speaker 2: all the maker Wish kids, and I'm pushing them out
Speaker 2: of the way, shoving them care and getting all these
Speaker 2: little things. And then I got to the stage and
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, I'm here, and she saw me.
Speaker 2: She was like, I think it was supposed to be
Speaker 2: a child, but like you're here too, and that's fine.
Speaker 2: It was ridiculous. It was the most unbelievable thing that's
Speaker 2: ever happened.
Speaker 1: And Taylor specifically requested it to be you yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: Which is I don't know I don't know how no
Speaker 3: one that is or if that's something you want to
Speaker 3: be knowing, But like that was something that wasn't random,
Speaker 3: Like she chose you, Oliver. That seems amable, Like it
Speaker 3: wasn't her team that just saw you and was like,
Speaker 3: oh we should bring Like she chose you because of
Speaker 3: the light that you bring and how funny you are.
Speaker 2: I can't believe she should should have been a child.
Speaker 1: But happy, right, I mean, I'm thrilled for you. You're standing there,
Speaker 1: You're what should have come towards you.
Speaker 2: She would have been a set kid. But I'm happy
Speaker 2: to take it right.
Speaker 1: What's going through your brain as you're standing there?
Speaker 2: Oh, nothing at all?
Speaker 3: Like what's going through your brain when you find out
Speaker 3: you are going to get the twenty two hat?
Speaker 2: I did? I mean nothing, Like what what do you mean?
Speaker 2: First of all, like they they came and got us
Speaker 2: and moved us to VIP and like even that, I
Speaker 2: was like, what are we doing? Like this is so shue,
Speaker 2: But this was so last minute. It was like we
Speaker 2: found out I found out I was going to Eras
Speaker 2: like a week before we went wow and then yeah,
Speaker 2: one of her teams said, well, we were walking down
Speaker 2: to VIP like it's just leading me no this, and
Speaker 2: I was like I don't know what to do about
Speaker 2: that or with that at all.
Speaker 1: I would have just left. Yeah, I couldn't have handled it.
Speaker 1: I would have just I would have just exited the building.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No. Yeah. So it was just like, okay, let's
Speaker 2: just uh, let's just enjoy the concert. And it's eras is.
Speaker 2: Have you seen have you been?
Speaker 1: I haven't. I couldn't get tickets.
Speaker 2: We have to go? Yes, please, It's the most unbelievable show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've seen every single video. I watch every video.
Speaker 2: It's ridiculous, feel like a movie. And because we were
Speaker 2: in VIP, sorry like this, sorry anyway, So I was
Speaker 2: in VIP with my with my twenty two hats and
Speaker 2: it's basically don Julio like that was like Ben's full
Speaker 2: of and you know, it was ridiculous. It was ridiculous.
Speaker 2: But I don't I I really don't know how to
Speaker 2: speak about it quite quite earnestly, because it's so unfathomable.
Speaker 2: You know. I had like people that bullied me in
Speaker 2: school messaging me on Instagram like hey man, congrats, and
Speaker 2: that's how you know, Yeah, that's how you know I'm
Speaker 2: right now. We good. It's been pretty high after that,
Speaker 2: it was. It was ridiculous.
Speaker 3: I just I remember seeing the video and messaging you immediately,
Speaker 3: and I'm pretty sure the first thing that I said.
Speaker 1: To you was, Oliver, you nearly missed this. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: that was the first.
Speaker 3: Obviously you were still and you still are now, just like, literally,
Speaker 3: what the heck? No, But as an outsider who knew
Speaker 3: your story and seeing this and being like, boy, if
Speaker 3: you had gone through I was not being here and
Speaker 3: the way that you had tried to and believe that
Speaker 3: you should not be here, you would not be standing
Speaker 3: in front of Taylor Swift getting this damn hat dancing along.
Speaker 2: Like. I had moments like that during Enchanted, where like
Speaker 2: just literally looking up and this like it's like this
Speaker 2: quasi religious song amongst one hundred thousand people, every single
Speaker 2: person in the stadium is singing it, and I was
Speaker 2: looking up and I was like, we made it. Like
Speaker 2: I really can't believe I'm gonna cry. I'm here.
Speaker 1: I'm literally gonna cry.
Speaker 2: I can't believe I got there. I had. I had
Speaker 2: lots of moments like that during the concert of just
Speaker 2: like we I really nearly missed all of this.
Speaker 3: I think I'm legitimately there are tears forming in my eyeballs.
Speaker 3: I'm so emotion about it because I also remember, and
Speaker 3: it was not that long ago, having a similar moment
Speaker 3: I was at Pang and which side note also insane
Speaker 3: concert when you're flying around this is amazing, what are
Speaker 3: you doing?
Speaker 2: Get done?
Speaker 1: But just standing there.
Speaker 3: And looking up and I remember just starting to cry
Speaker 3: and having this moment of like I really missed this,
Speaker 3: Like and it's just those moments of like not even
Speaker 3: the big crazy things that happen in life, but just
Speaker 3: a moment of being amongst all of these people and
Speaker 3: being like, holy crap, like I had.
Speaker 2: I'd had the adverse moments of like experiencing a pain
Speaker 2: so great that like this is so great that it
Speaker 2: can't be worth it. And I had that at the
Speaker 2: Swift content. I've had it many times since, of like
Speaker 2: this is so good that everything is worth it. That
Speaker 2: that during enchanted of me, like literally like looking up
Speaker 2: and there's all these lights and it's all the whole
Speaker 2: standium is purple. I got you one of these, actually,
Speaker 2: I forgot to bring it for you. Yeah, Hella Swift's
Speaker 2: touched this as well. It's long lived, which.
Speaker 1: Is Taylor fIF just touched this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this was one of the ones on my on
Speaker 2: my hands. I had to forgot about it level of course,
Speaker 2: of course.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Oliver, Oh my godness, this is Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh.
Speaker 2: I was in my room this morning, like which one, Like,
Speaker 2: there's like a hundred I had. I had like a
Speaker 2: you know, down to my elbows of and I'm like
Speaker 2: screwing through.
Speaker 1: If you could look back at Oliver a year.
Speaker 3: Ago and tell him what was about to happen, what
Speaker 3: would like, how do you how do you talk to.
Speaker 1: Oliver from a year ago?
Speaker 2: I wouldn't tell him anything, you know, like he had
Speaker 2: to be who he was to experience what he did.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, no, I'd never betray my former self
Speaker 2: with do this differently, Like I you know, I'm.
Speaker 3: Just so thankful that your former self chose to fight
Speaker 3: every single day to be here, and not just for
Speaker 3: these massive, crazy successful moments.
Speaker 1: But just for you and who you are and seeing.
Speaker 3: You develop as just like you're really coming into yourself
Speaker 3: and you're finding yourself and you are finding your place
Speaker 3: in the world, and the fact that you had to
Speaker 3: like people will never understand how hard you had to
Speaker 3: fight to just be okay with yourself and to be
Speaker 3: okay in your own company. And I think that happens
Speaker 3: a lot of the time when people see people becoming
Speaker 3: successful in.
Speaker 1: Any area, but especially online. You see these highlights.
Speaker 3: But you've been so incredible as well at being so
Speaker 3: transparent about kind of the ups and the downs and
Speaker 3: showing the whole journey, and a lot of people can
Speaker 3: still be like, yeah, it just kind of snapped and
Speaker 3: then it was great, and now he's just lived this
Speaker 3: perfect life in the case.
Speaker 2: No, I was at Starship right. They locked me away.
Speaker 2: They took my shoelacers and the drawer street from my ship.
Speaker 2: I was there.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, did that I don't think we did.
Speaker 2: And I went to the and see if you was
Speaker 2: that the child family unit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hang out with the kids through all the time.
Speaker 2: I'd love to go.
Speaker 1: Back, but you go back together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love to. They had me in the in
Speaker 2: the ward where like you're not allowed outside it here. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was. It was bad.
Speaker 1: We did not talk about this shike psych Wold experiences.
Speaker 1: How old were.
Speaker 2: You sixteen, I think, or maybe sixteen or seventeen. I
Speaker 2: can't remember if I got my tattoos at seventeen. I
Speaker 2: can't remember if I had tattoo.
Speaker 1: What was it that legit into the psyched?
Speaker 2: Oh, it was just like a string of At some point,
Speaker 2: your parents, like my parents just couldn't do anything. We
Speaker 2: tried everything, and then I think I had a quasi
Speaker 2: attempt or something. I clearly have learned a new word
Speaker 2: of said quasi like six times. Yeah, yeah, I think
Speaker 2: I had an attempt. And then they just drove me.
Speaker 2: It was the most like picturesque, picturesque horror story I
Speaker 2: think you ever seen. Like we drove. I was in
Speaker 2: the hospital. I don't remember it because you know, I'm
Speaker 2: all drugged. Yeah, absolutely, And then we drove Mum and
Speaker 2: Dad will sound the story way worse in a storm
Speaker 2: in a van and like a big in a white van.
Speaker 2: They drove me from turn on the hospital to Starship
Speaker 2: in a white van in Mum's tailing in the in
Speaker 2: the ute and there's like through a massive storm. I
Speaker 2: don't remember any of it. But then you woke up
Speaker 2: in CF.
Speaker 1: So do you remember going into see if.
Speaker 2: You a little bit? I remember the fact I remember
Speaker 2: being in there the first night and screaming at the
Speaker 2: top of my lungs, like like pushing everyone, running away,
Speaker 2: getting it, finding the corner of the room, screaming at
Speaker 2: the top of my lungs, like yelling at them. Just
Speaker 2: I was just psychotic, and then being like the next
Speaker 2: day being like, man, I can't believe I'm in here
Speaker 2: with these crazy people. I think about it, I'm like wait,
Speaker 2: hold on, and I'm looking around. I'm like, man, these
Speaker 2: guys are these guys are crazy and it and I'm like,
Speaker 2: hold on, I'm here too, like no shoelacers.
Speaker 1: The lacers.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I remember my first ever time getting admitted to
Speaker 3: the psych ward and it was like two o'clock in
Speaker 3: the morning when I got put in, and so I
Speaker 3: was like taking through a back entrance and I literally
Speaker 3: remember being like I'm in jail, like Shoelacers gone, hoot eastring.
Speaker 2: Gone, everything, phone charger gone.
Speaker 3: And I also went into the high ka, which is
Speaker 3: like the one on one like someone's looking at you.
Speaker 1: All the time, and I remember line for your drugs. Yes,
Speaker 1: everyone's like.
Speaker 3: But also just like like it was a good place
Speaker 3: for me to be in regards like stabilizing me.
Speaker 1: But it's a wild experience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I I it needs more sunlight.
Speaker 3: Aren't you so glad that you weren't active on social
Speaker 3: media as much when you were there?
Speaker 1: Like goodness, I'm just so thankful crashed out.
Speaker 2: You know what was then? When I was there though?
Speaker 2: Pokemon Go. So Pokemon Go was just there and there
Speaker 2: was a remember the gym, you'd like fight at the gym.
Speaker 2: There was a gym just outside and so I was
Speaker 2: in the corner like reach trying to get that, trying
Speaker 2: to get jiggly path or whatever or.
Speaker 1: Like, did you play the volleyball outside with the you know,
Speaker 1: they didn't.
Speaker 2: I don't think they let me. Oh no, they did
Speaker 2: let me over there. And there was a drum set
Speaker 2: and I was on the drum set.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, the drum set is still there, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2: And it was beat to shirt and I I think,
Speaker 2: I know it was fun. Yeah. They let me through
Speaker 2: the doors to the other to the other side.
Speaker 3: Could you imagine little all of us sitting in there
Speaker 3: in their site called like knowing the life that you
Speaker 3: were about to have, like not just like I often
Speaker 3: think about this with myself and like those moments of
Speaker 3: being like nothing's gonna change this as who I am
Speaker 3: like and when you I don't think people understand when
Speaker 3: you live a life genuinely believing you are going to
Speaker 3: die young. Like everything else that comes after that is
Speaker 3: it feels unreal, Like you had your next birthday and
Speaker 3: you're like, I wasn't supposed to be here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were working on borrow time, and that's beautiful.
Speaker 2: I'm happy to I mean.
Speaker 1: When I just start paying bills and I was like,
Speaker 1: I wasn't planning on being here.
Speaker 2: How lucky to be able to pay bills? What an
Speaker 2: incredible thing to be able to experience.
Speaker 3: You've been able to just do so many freaking things.
Speaker 3: And obviously t Swift was one.
Speaker 4: You went to the UK and then you you're this
Speaker 4: triangle thing blew up and I was so confused for
Speaker 4: so long as to what was going on. But I
Speaker 4: was like, it's me, and then it's her name Aar
Speaker 4: and then Yuval and just triangle and then suddenly you're
Speaker 4: the new version of Bridges and what happened?
Speaker 1: Do you even know?
Speaker 2: It was ridiculous? Yeah? No, he really found my house
Speaker 2: by the way, he'd like, he did send those flowers
Speaker 2: to my house.
Speaker 1: Talking is not okaycourage.
Speaker 2: That I met im On on this Audible shoot and
Speaker 2: we got along really well. I think about that a
Speaker 2: lot actually, Like on that Audible shoot, Aarme and Brittany
Speaker 2: and were the first two friends I made in the
Speaker 2: industry through a job. Like I can't believe. I mean,
Speaker 2: two of the most incredible women you've ever come across, really,
Speaker 2: and I get to call them friends? What a what
Speaker 2: a blessing? But yeah, I met im through this thing
Speaker 2: and she had a thing going on with u vaile
Speaker 2: some online where they would he would find her or whatever,
Speaker 2: and she made some videos with me and then they
Speaker 2: brought me and it was you know, it was fun
Speaker 2: at the start. It really was fun and and it
Speaker 2: was good. It just it got ridiculous, like it was
Speaker 2: very I'm quoted in Time magas. Wow, Like there's an
Speaker 2: article and I have a quote in Time? What are
Speaker 2: we doing? Like that was ridiculous, but I had It
Speaker 2: was very like I had no idea what was God
Speaker 2: was very like, I mean all of my content, I
Speaker 2: just opened my phone and pressed play. There's nothing planned.
Speaker 2: And that was the Bridgeton speech. It was just like, was.
Speaker 1: It not planned?
Speaker 2: No, of course not.
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Actually that doesn't surprise me at all,
Speaker 1: no speak, and.
Speaker 2: I'm leaning into it to be ridiculous because like ridiculous
Speaker 2: is fun. But then it just got they got a
Speaker 2: bit the best thing out of it. Like I feel
Speaker 2: so blessed to have been a part of that. They
Speaker 2: raised our man, you've all raised somewhere near half a
Speaker 2: million dollars for Palestinian families. It's incredible, Like what a
Speaker 2: you know, so like I can't believe I was lucky
Speaker 2: enough to be a part of that.
Speaker 1: Was it ed all hard on your mental health? Having
Speaker 1: this sudden Yeah, of course, like everyone watching, Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I find I find the notoriety of whatever we do
Speaker 2: quite unbearable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's weird, right, It's weird because it then
Speaker 3: starts to translate into the real world, like when it's
Speaker 3: online and then you start to go out and you
Speaker 3: get stopped all the time, and you're like, wait, people
Speaker 3: actually know me.
Speaker 2: I like when people come up to me. I prefer
Speaker 2: I have a lot of like problems with self hate,
Speaker 2: and so when people are like pointing and steering and
Speaker 2: like taking photos from a distance, you can you can
Speaker 2: tell like you like, we know, we know what's happening.
Speaker 1: We can see it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that freaks me out because in my head I'm thinking,
Speaker 2: like they just thinking, look at that loser tech talk
Speaker 2: dorg over there with his stupid shoes, you.
Speaker 3: Know, and me now yeah yeah, those of you who
Speaker 3: can't see that's where wearing the same shoes, just different
Speaker 3: fonts and.
Speaker 2: It's dumb haircut, like where do you get their hair
Speaker 2: at the toilet stool? And I'm just in my head
Speaker 2: like they hate me, this goob from Meet the Robinson's,
Speaker 2: like they all hated me.
Speaker 1: Where does the self hate come from?
Speaker 2: I don't know, I really don't. I have no problems
Speaker 2: with self esteem, like a my self worth is non existent,
Speaker 2: but self esteem no problem. Like I can be ridiculous
Speaker 2: and sing online clearly, but when it comes down to it,
Speaker 2: like I struggle to I don't know. I think I
Speaker 2: know all the things wrong with me, and they're the
Speaker 2: loudest in my head. Yeah, but I've been doing a
Speaker 2: lot recently to I mean, attempt to see myself from
Speaker 2: someone else's shoes. I'm quite like, you know, I'm quite nice,
Speaker 2: quite kind. Yeah you are from there?
Speaker 3: Yeah you do really like the amount of time that
Speaker 3: you need to be able to sit and understand the
Speaker 3: person you might, but I also understand, like when you've
Speaker 3: had the life that you have had, like the self worth,
Speaker 3: the self worth and the like being able to just
Speaker 3: be out there and be extravertied and be yourself Like,
Speaker 3: I understand that dynamic, and it's so confusing. And I
Speaker 3: think being in the world that you are now, where
Speaker 3: you have people every single day being like I love you,
Speaker 3: but you know that they don't actually know you personally,
Speaker 3: and I think that can then impact it more because
Speaker 3: you're like, well, you don't actually know me, and you're
Speaker 3: hearing millions of people be like I love you, And
Speaker 3: I think that can also really affect your self worth
Speaker 3: because people are seeing a version of you. And I
Speaker 3: know that's something that I struggle with a lot, is
Speaker 3: feeling like I was hearing I love you more from
Speaker 3: random people around the world than people in my life.
Speaker 1: That the self worth can struggle in that environment.
Speaker 3: Have you found it more or less as your kind
Speaker 3: of profile has grown? The self worth?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Not real, Like I really at the moment, what I'm
Speaker 2: really doing is just I really am just a boy
Speaker 2: trying to enjoy himself and I do that non apologetically.
Speaker 1: Right now, tell me that the top three things that
Speaker 1: you love about yourself.
Speaker 2: Oh god, I'm really funny. I'm really funny. I am kind,
Speaker 2: I am kind, and I do love unapologetically and I'll
Speaker 2: never stop. It's not love bombing when I actually love
Speaker 2: you and I do love you.
Speaker 3: There is definitely a line between love bombing and love.
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm clarified.
Speaker 2: I don't do it though, I mean it. I really do. Okay,
Speaker 2: I really do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you do.
Speaker 3: And and I ask you that because I also think
Speaker 3: that that's the kind of thing that's important to remember when,
Speaker 3: especially when you're talking about trying to see yourself from
Speaker 3: other people and how other people experience you and interact
Speaker 3: with you and in your presence. Like every time I've
Speaker 3: been around you, I'm like, this guy is awesome. Like
Speaker 3: you're so fun, you're so kind. When you came over
Speaker 3: to get the phone and you're just sitting on the
Speaker 3: floor with my dog, like she loves you, by the way,
Speaker 3: she's we've got another one now.
Speaker 2: Animals. Animals love me. That's my thing recently. Actually, it's like,
Speaker 2: uh yeah, when you're padd a dog and it don't
Speaker 2: walk off.
Speaker 3: Highly recommend just standing in a dog park and then
Speaker 3: they all come to you and you're like, drink.
Speaker 1: This is the best thing.
Speaker 2: I live at the mountain. The beach is just riddled
Speaker 2: with dogs.
Speaker 1: I love them out. It's such a beautiful place.
Speaker 2: My favorite.
Speaker 3: What are the things that you do for yourself when
Speaker 3: you are struggling mentally? I do like going out, being
Speaker 3: at the beach, being in nature. Do you sit by yourself?
Speaker 3: Do you I know, you listen to a lot of music.
Speaker 3: You sing because you can sing, I.
Speaker 2: Think at the moment, like it's less so like one
Speaker 2: particular thing. It used to be like, you know, I
Speaker 2: need to exercise or I need to do this, but
Speaker 2: I just I just take great care with being really
Speaker 2: kind to myself, like the whole thing of you know,
Speaker 2: when you get really bad and then you have to
Speaker 2: celebrate brushing your teeth. Yeah, really truly celebrate that. And
Speaker 2: I just do that, you know, I really do that.
Speaker 2: If I have two days pray, do nothing but scroll
Speaker 2: and taketok, Hey, that's fine, Like it's one great long
Speaker 2: life and falling to the wayside for the period. It
Speaker 2: is just not as big of a drama as you're
Speaker 2: going to try and make it out to be.
Speaker 3: Well also being in a world where everything that you're
Speaker 3: seeing is like all those videos are like here's my
Speaker 3: five to nine before my nine to five, and being like, oh,
Speaker 3: I didn't wake up at four am.
Speaker 1: Therefore I'm so unproductive.
Speaker 2: So that stuff doesn't work for me.
Speaker 1: No neither.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, like I you know, I had a month
Speaker 2: where I was going a bit at like two and
Speaker 2: that's what I needed at the time, and I have
Speaker 2: no problem with that. And then I had sometimes where
Speaker 2: I'm like incredibly introverted and I and you know, the
Speaker 2: people around me respect that and understand that, like he's
Speaker 2: just doing this thing. But then I have times where
Speaker 2: I'm like I want to see a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Now I just I'm just that's my thing at the moment.
Speaker 2: Like for my mental health, it's I just notice myself
Speaker 2: as someone going through the world really giving it there all,
Speaker 2: Like I really, I really believe that, like everyone is
Speaker 2: trying their hardest all the time, and be kind to
Speaker 2: yourself about that. You know. It's so I used to
Speaker 2: so much like I should be doing this, and then
Speaker 2: all of the stress was like I'm doing not doing
Speaker 2: the things that I want. But I'm you know, I'm.
Speaker 3: Existing which is so freaking important to everyone who's listening
Speaker 3: to this, who also is flooded on TikTok with this,
Speaker 3: like feeling like you're not doing enough and you're not
Speaker 3: enough and oh should I should be doing all of
Speaker 3: these things?
Speaker 1: Like if all that you did is brush your teeth,
Speaker 1: like that's it's it's your existence.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you take that at your own pace.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, what else do you think in the last
Speaker 3: year since we last spoke, what else has changed in
Speaker 3: your life?
Speaker 2: My relationship with my parents has never been better.
Speaker 1: Oh I love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah that'll that'll kill me. Hold on, Yeah, no, I
Speaker 2: moved home. I moved home for Christmas too, because I
Speaker 2: was just like our flat disbanded. I didn't really know
Speaker 2: where to go, and I was like, I'll go home
Speaker 2: for Christmas and then we'll see I haven't left. And yeah.
Speaker 2: The biggest thing with that is like they really seem
Speaker 2: to appreciate what I am and I've never really felt
Speaker 2: that because I've been so lost forever and maybe this
Speaker 2: is the first time in a long time I haven't
Speaker 2: truly felt lost, And so, yeah, mate, my relationship with
Speaker 2: my parents, both individually and then as a as a unit,
Speaker 2: has never been better and that oh my god, that.
Speaker 1: It's really beautiful. Has it been like literally moving home
Speaker 1: is what's done?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I think we we have
Speaker 2: like a greater respect for each other. I just love
Speaker 2: them dearly. And they're really good, you know, they're just
Speaker 2: they're just they're actually just good people. And yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: So sweet and such, like it's such a huge thing.
Speaker 3: And to have that, especially in the career that you
Speaker 3: have and to be such a public life and to
Speaker 3: just have that stability and to feel understood and I
Speaker 3: mean the gravity of what you just said of feel
Speaker 3: like feeling the way that you do now and that
Speaker 3: you've never felt like that before is huge. And it
Speaker 3: is also like so testament to you and you kind
Speaker 3: of choosing to go back home and obviously like then
Speaker 3: choosing to and all of that, Like, especially when you
Speaker 3: are an adult, I feel like there's so much stigma
Speaker 3: attached to that as well of like having to go
Speaker 3: back home for a bit.
Speaker 1: It's all good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's I think we all understand that it's an
Speaker 2: in between, but it's more that like they just have me.
Speaker 2: Like the people in my life that I call family
Speaker 2: of friends that have had they just have me, like
Speaker 2: my unit is unseparable, and they all know I require
Speaker 2: a bit of care, like a bit, a bit more
Speaker 2: of a gentle, delicate care, and they offer that like
Speaker 2: tough love doesn't work on at all. You know, I'll disappear,
Speaker 2: You'll never hear from me again, tough love and I've
Speaker 2: lost I've lost relationships because of because of the fact
Speaker 2: that I require a greater level of care. And at
Speaker 2: the time that's tragic and like it has been so devastating,
Speaker 2: but I need to look after me in the way
Speaker 2: that works for me. And yeah, how.
Speaker 3: Do you think other people, like in your unit specifically,
Speaker 3: that have stuck around this whole time, how do.
Speaker 1: They view you?
Speaker 2: Ridiculous? I'm ridiculous. I'm ridiculous, Like I have no plans
Speaker 2: ever for anything. I'm cow polk. I float with the wind.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't. I
Speaker 2: don't make plans for anything. I can't. It's it's stressful
Speaker 2: some things, obviously, you know.
Speaker 3: But when you look at your self worth and the
Speaker 3: things that you believe about yourself, and then you realize
Speaker 3: that these people have.
Speaker 1: Stuck around for good reason. Why have they stuck around
Speaker 1: they have to, you know, we don't have to.
Speaker 2: I'll show up on their doorsteps. No, it's my visterer.
Speaker 2: And Flynn, he's not a friend, he's you know, he's family.
Speaker 2: And he was saying that the other day. He's like,
Speaker 2: I've been around too long, Like there's really nothing that
Speaker 2: we could do that would separate. But yeah, it's they
Speaker 2: have a patience with me that I am just very
Speaker 2: grateful for.
Speaker 3: How important have those relationships been within your mental health journey?
Speaker 2: What's everything to me? No, I am only alive because
Speaker 2: of the people around me. Really, you'll you'll throw that
Speaker 2: back on me and say like, no, it's you, and
Speaker 2: I understand.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I can. I can absolutely understand. Those people
Speaker 3: are important forever.
Speaker 2: I just thought that, like you know, happiness or like
Speaker 2: peace was something like entirely internal and it's just such
Speaker 2: a it's wrong, like it's such a we cannot separate
Speaker 2: ourselves from the greater unit. And I think figuring out
Speaker 2: your place and that is what you need to do.
Speaker 3: It's so huge. And I know that you said that.
Speaker 3: I'll just throw it back at you what you just said,
Speaker 3: but I'm not going to because one thing that I noticed,
Speaker 3: I do a lot of I get to do a
Speaker 3: lot of travel, and I'm so lucky to do that.
Speaker 1: And amongst that travel, I've ended up in a lot.
Speaker 3: Of like very deep out villages and like Cambodia or Africa.
Speaker 3: And what's been really striking to me is that these
Speaker 3: people who have absolutely nothing are the happiest people I've
Speaker 3: ever met. And that's because their entire life is operating
Speaker 3: on this family.
Speaker 1: Like everyone, it's about people. You know, your neighbors.
Speaker 3: If someone sudden happens to someone's parents, the whole village
Speaker 3: takes them in, whereas here in the Western world we
Speaker 3: don't even know our neighbors half the time.
Speaker 2: Unbearable, there's too much going on all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's also become so like based on things,
Speaker 3: and we're not happy if we don't have the certain things,
Speaker 3: and we've taken away that kind of the need for
Speaker 3: human connection, which is for me when I go to
Speaker 3: these places, I'm like, these people are happier than we
Speaker 3: ever will be, Like they know pure joy because they're not.
Speaker 1: Comparing anything to anyone else.
Speaker 3: All they know is that they love hard and they
Speaker 3: are so loved by every single person around them. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but how like to be able to take that kind
Speaker 3: of concept and bring it into our lives and like
Speaker 3: understand the importance of friendships and community and connection, and
Speaker 3: it is something that when you're struggling like you were
Speaker 3: and probably at times still are, like mental health is
Speaker 3: a nonlinear journey.
Speaker 2: That was my move. Yeah me too, yeah, my my,
Speaker 2: what do you call it? Trauma? Response was I would
Speaker 2: just isolate and you know, disappear as much as I can.
Speaker 2: And that has its place, certainly, But you need someone
Speaker 2: to go to. You need because you have to say
Speaker 2: things to people. I find talk therapy like unbelievably helpful.
Speaker 2: Some people don't.
Speaker 1: Are you still in therapy now?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I pop in it out. I have the same
Speaker 2: therapist as I've had since I was sixteen. God, when
Speaker 2: I was sixteen, like starting therapy, I ran through them.
Speaker 2: I just obliterated therapists and psychologists and psychiatrists. You know.
Speaker 2: They kicked me out of cams like you know we
Speaker 2: had Oh my gosh, we.
Speaker 1: Got kicked out of cams. That's hard to do.
Speaker 2: I didn't respect them, I hated them. They were reading
Speaker 2: from a book, you know, and I can't have a
Speaker 2: conversation with a textbook or an idea. And then I
Speaker 2: sat down with my therapist in a and I think
Speaker 2: within five minutes I've been through like seven at this point.
Speaker 2: Within five minutes he swore and I said I. I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: you might be a real person. And then later on,
Speaker 2: like ten minutes later, he called. He was like, don't
Speaker 2: bullshit me. And he called me out because I was
Speaker 2: taking a pass, you know, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: hold on, and he was a you know, he he
Speaker 2: he was a forklift driver, was his Wow, you know
Speaker 2: who came into counseling and.
Speaker 1: Finding the right therapist is so important.
Speaker 3: I literally feel like I've only just found the right
Speaker 3: one be with her for a few years now.
Speaker 2: That's the problem. It's so hard to attempt to go
Speaker 2: and find one, and people get so put off when
Speaker 2: it doesn't work immediately, because it doesn't a lot of
Speaker 2: the time, you keep pushing. It's a person like you
Speaker 2: have to find the person that gets you. A lot
Speaker 2: of them don't know, a lot of them don't. But man,
Speaker 2: when you find that one, yeah, unbelievable.
Speaker 3: And it's so like, obviously every therapist is so different
Speaker 3: and some people really like the like and how does
Speaker 3: it make you feel like the real soft thing.
Speaker 1: I can't do it.
Speaker 2: I can't soft like probably he grabs me and it's like,
Speaker 2: let's sit in there.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm like tough life, and I stare.
Speaker 2: At it and like look at the minutes or it's
Speaker 2: very intense.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: My therapist a while ago, I've been doing a lot
Speaker 3: of trauma therapy, which is so fun and it's.
Speaker 1: Been a wild time.
Speaker 3: But I remember her saying a while ago, like I
Speaker 3: every time that the emotions would come up, I would
Speaker 3: turn away from her and do everything I could to
Speaker 3: not feel it. And she was like, Jazz, you have
Speaker 3: this tendency to block anything that's related to sadness. And
Speaker 3: I was like, no, I don't, and she was like, no,
Speaker 3: you do. There's something that's so like you're so afraid
Speaker 3: of it. And we began to realize that for me,
Speaker 3: growing up the way that I did, and especially the
Speaker 3: mental health journey that I was on, sadness was so
Speaker 3: intricately linked with not wanting to be here that I
Speaker 3: was so afraid that if I felt emotion of sadness,
Speaker 3: I would not be able to get out of it
Speaker 3: and it would like overtake me and four me to
Speaker 3: then have someone who would sit there.
Speaker 1: I would lose it. I would bore my eyes out.
Speaker 3: You would just sit with me, and then I would
Speaker 3: be fine and she would be like.
Speaker 4: We're still here, Like you're okay, You're gonna be okay.
Speaker 3: And it made so much sense when I realized that
Speaker 3: I had been doing that and blocking it because for
Speaker 3: so long it meant crisis for me.
Speaker 1: Like for so long if I felt these things, I'm
Speaker 1: not getting out of it. I'm running to the nearest something.
Speaker 3: And like so when something like no, I know all
Speaker 3: too well, like edit, Yeah, it's a weird thing. To
Speaker 3: then kind of grow up and mature and be able
Speaker 3: to recognize those trauma responses that you have and finding
Speaker 3: a therapist who can understand that is so important.
Speaker 1: How old were you when you met your therapists?
Speaker 2: Sixteen or seventeen. We really tried everything, like we were
Speaker 2: going as spiritual healers. Towards the end, Mum was like,
Speaker 2: let's just do whatever anyone you know, like throwing stuff
Speaker 2: at the wall.
Speaker 1: At this point, I mean you kind of have to eigh.
Speaker 2: We ran out of you know, It's like at some point,
Speaker 2: maybe the guy with magic hands that you know, all,
Speaker 2: maybe he will help, and he did, Yeah, and he
Speaker 2: did a little bit.
Speaker 3: Well you literally we had someone a phenomenal Malti girl
Speaker 3: who went through a spiritual healer and worked for her.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is amazing.
Speaker 3: Depending on who you are as a person and kind
Speaker 3: of the things that something that works for me is
Speaker 3: not going to work for you, and vice versa, and
Speaker 3: so finding that person that you can click with and
Speaker 3: the therapist like for you to be able to like
Speaker 3: find that person who will just bring you and be like,
Speaker 3: I'm calling you on your bullshit? Isn't it so good
Speaker 3: to find that person?
Speaker 2: Your healing journey is your own, and you have to
Speaker 2: stick around long enough to find out what works for
Speaker 2: you because something really.
Speaker 1: Well, Oliver, you would have never said that last year.
Speaker 2: No, of course not. No, maybe I won't say it
Speaker 2: next year. What's how we go? No?
Speaker 1: You will. You will because you've experienced now.
Speaker 3: And I'm not talking about again, like I need to
Speaker 3: make it so abundantly clear, I'm not talking about like
Speaker 3: career excess success, sorry, but the moments that you've had,
Speaker 3: like at the at the Taylor Swift concert, not getting
Speaker 3: the hat, but the moment of looking up and being like,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Like I'm here.
Speaker 3: Like, because you've experienced those moments, you'll know what that
Speaker 3: is the next time that life depths, because life does,
Speaker 3: you will know what it is that you're aiming towards
Speaker 3: getting back to you and you will know that that's
Speaker 3: what hope is, because last time you.
Speaker 1: Didn't know what hope was, it wasn't just very lost. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: what do you think hope is to you now?
Speaker 2: I think it's just like a faith like belief that
Speaker 2: it will get better like it is. And I say
Speaker 2: faith not in a religious way, but in a way
Speaker 2: that's like when you get that bad that you like
Speaker 2: lose hope, it's you have to just really believe that
Speaker 2: it will get better. And it's so impossible to see
Speaker 2: when you're that bad.
Speaker 1: If you could be in the same room as little
Speaker 1: sixteen year old Oliver, you could be in that high
Speaker 1: care psych wood sitting opposite him, what would you say
Speaker 1: to him?
Speaker 2: Listen, yeah, just listen.
Speaker 1: What do you think he would say?
Speaker 2: He'd probably screamed for like twenty minutes and then and
Speaker 2: then he just say I'm tired and it hurts. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's okay?
Speaker 1: Was it a.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you ever found out or not,
Speaker 3: Like with with your depression and the stuff that you
Speaker 3: were dealing with, was it it like a chemical thing
Speaker 3: for you or was it situational because obviously it came
Speaker 3: from like started, I guess from the breakup that you
Speaker 3: had was something that had been there beforehand.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure it's bad enough that like it must
Speaker 2: be chemical, yeah, just because it was. You know, it's
Speaker 2: so ridiculous. I have I have a good life, beingly
Speaker 2: on paper, like, yeah, have a very good life, but
Speaker 2: I have a brain that attacks itself and quite aggressively,
Speaker 2: and so yeah.
Speaker 3: What's so interesting is that with a brain like yours
Speaker 3: and like mine as well, I mean not mine came
Speaker 3: from a lot of trauma stuff as well, and these
Speaker 3: beliefs that kind of develops with me. But also the
Speaker 3: way that your brain functions and does go in these
Speaker 3: really lows is also the exact same brain that has
Speaker 3: this wild creativity and these beautiful moments and can see
Speaker 3: things that other people can't see, and like carries this
Speaker 3: lightness and this kindness that.
Speaker 1: You have, Like I know that for me.
Speaker 3: So I've got ADHD and what I remember, shut.
Speaker 1: Up, do you have ADHD.
Speaker 2: Who knows, I've got a whole bunch of stuff.
Speaker 1: You should get tested.
Speaker 2: I can find out on TikTok, now, can't you? You just
Speaker 2: like that?
Speaker 1: I mean, that's legitimately how I found out.
Speaker 2: If you see hashtag ADHD on TikTok means you have.
Speaker 2: But I think that's how it works, right.
Speaker 3: They probably would go a little bit further to say
Speaker 3: you should talk to someone.
Speaker 1: I started seeing these videos and was like this.
Speaker 3: I just thought this is who I was like as
Speaker 3: a person, like this is just me, And I was like, no,
Speaker 3: this is a disorder. And but the thing is right,
Speaker 3: my HD brain that like I struggle to do so
Speaker 3: many normal everyday things, is the same brain that my
Speaker 3: impulsivity is what has broke through most of my career
Speaker 3: and has allowed me to do so much of the things.
Speaker 3: And there was a thing that I saw or some
Speaker 3: psychologist says that people with ADHD don't just think outside
Speaker 3: the box, they create an entire new one.
Speaker 1: And without saying you have ADHD, I feel like you are.
Speaker 3: That person as well, who has this wildly creative brain
Speaker 3: that you don't just think outside of the box like
Speaker 3: you do create an entire new thing, and I love
Speaker 3: like you post so unapology, unapologetically, like twelve million times
Speaker 3: a day sometimes and then not at all other times.
Speaker 3: When I first met you, you were posting like six
Speaker 3: even eight times a day.
Speaker 2: It was a lot. Yeah, it was just like.
Speaker 3: Wok is because your brain was just going and you
Speaker 3: were like, post, post, post post.
Speaker 2: It's fun. I find it. I do what I feel
Speaker 2: like I should do at the time.
Speaker 3: Do you feel like you have Do you have gratitude
Speaker 3: for your the way that your brain works in that?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, My ability to improv is for my ability
Speaker 2: to what's it called when you bring things on to
Speaker 2: yourself manifest Yeah, my my skills. I went to the
Speaker 2: Travis Kelcey's School of Manifestation. Like, I'm right up there
Speaker 2: like everything. I really do believe that everything happens exactly
Speaker 2: when it's supposed to.
Speaker 3: What do you think of the first signs for you
Speaker 3: that you need to take moments for yourself?
Speaker 1: What starts happening in your world that you're like, oh, Oliver,
Speaker 1: I just I do it.
Speaker 2: I intrinsically, I act. I act out what I need.
Speaker 2: Most of the time. I find myself acting out what
Speaker 2: I need most of the time. Yeah, so I'll just start.
Speaker 2: It's it's more the mental shift of accepting that because
Speaker 2: before I would I realized now that like, that's what
Speaker 2: I need if I'm doing nothing, if I'm scoring on
Speaker 2: tiktalk for days at a time, that's what I need
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 1: Right now, that's your screen time on TikTok before.
Speaker 2: Do you want to know it? Yeah? Really?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Right now? Cheerfull them up?
Speaker 3: Okay, hang on, Oliver's Oliver's going to get his phone,
Speaker 3: because as we need to find out from two people
Speaker 3: that spend their lives on TikTok, what our what our
Speaker 3: screen time is.
Speaker 1: In a way that I'm nervous, don't understand.
Speaker 3: This is a very important information that we must find
Speaker 3: I'm actually kind of nervous, to be honest.
Speaker 1: Who do you think's gonna have higher?
Speaker 2: My last week's oat of screen time was fourteen hours
Speaker 2: and thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: That's not terrible. No, mine was ten hours and thirty
Speaker 1: eight Yeah, but that.
Speaker 2: Doesn't make any total total screen time of one hundred
Speaker 2: and one hours?
Speaker 3: And wait last week? Hang on, how do I then
Speaker 3: we go to the week before?
Speaker 2: Oh, what was the week before? Is this daily average?
Speaker 1: My week before.
Speaker 2: More than fourteen and a half hours.
Speaker 1: Thirty three hours, thirty three hours.
Speaker 2: Talking about Oh that's total screen time, babe, I'm blowing that.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, we're just talking about TikTok.
Speaker 1: We're just.
Speaker 2: I'm different all of that. I'm like done one of
Speaker 2: the My god, let's got brain rop for brain rock.
Speaker 1: Can I can I read your time out of your
Speaker 1: total screen time? Oliver's total screen time last week?
Speaker 4: One hundred and one hours even one hundred and one
Speaker 4: hours and a week.
Speaker 1: Oh, let's find out two four six.
Speaker 3: That's like you've spent almost four consecutive days. I am
Speaker 3: this is the life of people who live their lives online.
Speaker 3: That's that's that's impressive. I'm really Oh you still want
Speaker 3: the same phone cases when I gave you the phone,
Speaker 3: of course, Please gave me this phone that's really cute.
Speaker 2: Until the end of time, I will vanquish your enemies
Speaker 2: and come what you call like, I really am here.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, this is Taylor Swift. You look like
Speaker 3: you're worshiping Taylor Swift.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean she is to be worshiped.
Speaker 1: I still cannot.
Speaker 3: I feel I'm now one degree away from Taylor sworft
Speaker 3: By that's my girl, that's honestly, and being in those moments,
Speaker 3: Like the only thing I can ever even slightly related
Speaker 3: to is when I was in Vegas and got to
Speaker 3: go backstage with Lady Gaga and.
Speaker 1: Was just, wit, what did I tell you this? I
Speaker 1: hung out with her, I'll throw up so oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: So I worked with her mum for a while and
Speaker 3: I was going to Vegas with my friend and she
Speaker 3: Gaga's my message and was like, Hey, do you want
Speaker 3: to come backstage? It's her final jazz concert that she
Speaker 3: was doing her residency in Vegas, and so we were
Speaker 3: like yeah.
Speaker 1: So we go backstage thinking that.
Speaker 3: We would like maybe get to like see her quickly,
Speaker 3: like take a photo with Gaga. If fat no, we
Speaker 3: can give it a family wristband. We go into this
Speaker 3: little family room. There's like four of us in there,
Speaker 3: and Gaga comes in before the show and she's chilling
Speaker 3: in there for like an hour. She's got a track
Speaker 3: sit on, She's sitting there talking to me about mental
Speaker 3: health and like all the stuff.
Speaker 2: That we do.
Speaker 1: She's so I was just like in awe, And then I.
Speaker 3: Was like, I can't ask for a photo that this
Speaker 3: is such an inappropriate time to ask for a photo,
Speaker 3: but I do have, like there's like this sneaky like
Speaker 3: little thing that I took on my phone just to
Speaker 3: prove I was there, because no one's gonna believe me
Speaker 3: when I'm like I was backstage.
Speaker 2: With I don't have to believe you. You know what
Speaker 2: You're life.
Speaker 1: It's such an insane moment.
Speaker 2: That's Lady Gaga's I love her and she's yeah, she's
Speaker 2: the she is one of the queens. Yeah, like she
Speaker 2: really paved the way.
Speaker 3: And she's so she's so genuine, Like I was at
Speaker 3: an event the night before. I won't know her, but
Speaker 3: as another aid list SLIBS event who's also quite quite
Speaker 3: bigger mental health and just it was quite a striking
Speaker 3: contrast between someone that looked like they were possibly not
Speaker 3: how do I say this like tick a box kind
Speaker 3: of thing, like this is social responsibility to probably do this,
Speaker 3: whereas Gaga was so human genuinely invested and like wanted
Speaker 3: to create change and wanted to like see what we
Speaker 3: could do, and like before her concert she does this
Speaker 3: like preer circle side stage, she invited us down like
Speaker 3: holding hands with her and this bloody praer circle I'm like,
Speaker 3: what is this is crazy?
Speaker 2: It's Gaga and like Chapel Rome.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those people.
Speaker 2: I love Chaperone so much. They make me feel encouraged
Speaker 2: to indulge in ridiculous and I just adore that. I
Speaker 2: just find that just to be so wonderful because it's good.
Speaker 2: We don't have a lot of that New Zealand. We
Speaker 2: don't have there's no characters in New Zealand to like
Speaker 2: model like you know, anything off.
Speaker 3: Have you experienced tool poppy syndrome of New Zealand, Yeah,
Speaker 3: of course I have.
Speaker 2: It's weird island nation. It's going to happen, you know,
Speaker 2: it's it's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: It's a weird it's a really weird thing.
Speaker 3: For those of you who aren't from New Zealand, we're
Speaker 3: obviously so far away from the world, and there's a
Speaker 3: thing called tool poppy syndrome, which is basically like no
Speaker 3: one is allowed to rise above the rest, and so
Speaker 3: if anyone has seen to be succeeded in any kind
Speaker 3: of way, New Zealand kind of tends.
Speaker 1: To cut them down quite fast.
Speaker 3: And it's really weird when you then go to America,
Speaker 3: Like I got so used when people would ask me
Speaker 3: what I did, or like love America what I do,
Speaker 3: and I would just be like, I work in mental health.
Speaker 1: And then my friend Nix who like she just wanted
Speaker 1: dancing with the stars, and I was.
Speaker 3: Like about, I walk your shits. Dan On Bennison, I'm
Speaker 3: learning to us Americans.
Speaker 2: I love them, I love I love I love Americans.
Speaker 2: I find them so wonderfully optimistic. Their optimism comes with
Speaker 2: delusions of grande. But I will take it. I will
Speaker 2: take the delusion if it means the optimism truly, I will. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I Bobby they they they like Trojan Horse Tour Bobby
Speaker 2: in with under the guise of humility. Hey me humble,
Speaker 2: Hey man, I'm I'm winning though. Yeah, Like I'm up
Speaker 2: right now, like rather than like trying to make me humble,
Speaker 2: come up here with me, dude. It's great.
Speaker 3: And you also not with people like us? What's keeping
Speaker 3: us the most humble our own damn brains? Like, trust
Speaker 3: me when I say we don't need to be.
Speaker 2: I hate me more than you ever could, sir, So
Speaker 2: I'll stop you right there.
Speaker 3: It's not gonna Yeah, what does the next year look
Speaker 3: like for you?
Speaker 2: Ridiculous? Yeah? Can you tell us anything I need at
Speaker 2: Ariana Grande. That's my that's my day. One that'll happen.
Speaker 1: I love this for you.
Speaker 2: No, whatever, what is the next year? Look like I
Speaker 2: might do a show. I think I'm going to do
Speaker 2: a show. I had plans to do a show called
Speaker 2: The Olive Show.
Speaker 1: Yes, I saw this, but I do this, yeah, just
Speaker 1: it just felt there.
Speaker 2: It just wasn't ready and I had a bunch of
Speaker 2: stuff move around in my life that I wasn't ready for.
Speaker 2: And so yeah, I think I will. I think I
Speaker 2: will do that, but I might move overseas for that.
Speaker 2: I might move somewhere to do that, or you know,
Speaker 2: or maybe sell the show to something. It's quite it's
Speaker 2: quite hard. Yes, it was just me, like I have
Speaker 2: it set up in my garage where I was going
Speaker 2: to do it. But you know, I found quite quickly
Speaker 2: I was lacking a lot of the skill required. Yes,
Speaker 2: I mean like we have producers out there that know
Speaker 2: how hard it is to create anything, yeah, and also.
Speaker 1: Creatives.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was like, I'll just do that, and
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I have no idea what I'm doing,
Speaker 2: so but no, that'll that'll happen. I just need to
Speaker 2: figure out what it is.
Speaker 1: Can you get around with other creatives and they help
Speaker 1: you figure it out?
Speaker 2: Yeah, no exactly, But otherwise, like I really am just
Speaker 2: where I'm supposed to be, exactly where I'm supposed to
Speaker 2: be there, I'm just I'm just pottering.
Speaker 1: And I have already asked you kind of what I
Speaker 1: always do.
Speaker 3: Is the last last question in regards to what Hope
Speaker 3: means to you, So I'm not going to make you
Speaker 3: answer that again, but I would love you to give
Speaker 3: advice to any person that is listening to this or
Speaker 3: watching this, whatever platform they may be doing. So, people
Speaker 3: that are struggling with their own minds, that feel outcasts,
Speaker 3: that feel like there is no hope for them, that
Speaker 3: feel like you did in that ward and like you
Speaker 3: did last year, what would you say to them?
Speaker 2: It's dreadful. You just have to hold on, you really do.
Speaker 2: Just have to hold on. There will come a day
Speaker 2: soon where you won't recognize the pain you feel now,
Speaker 2: and that is worth all of the strife. Just get
Speaker 2: there and then we'll be good.
Speaker 1: I love that, love you, I love you.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for coming up and for doing
Speaker 3: another episode.
Speaker 1: Another season of Hope is real. Honestly, it's been Yes,
Speaker 1: can we actually, of course we need to.
Speaker 3: There's so much that happens in your life in a year,
Speaker 3: like it's so it's so wild seeing it unfold, and
Speaker 3: I am so like, I know that you obviously have
Speaker 3: achieved so much in the last year, but just for
Speaker 3: who you are, Like, I'm so.
Speaker 1: Freaking proud of you.
Speaker 3: You fought so hard, harder than most people will comprehend
Speaker 3: to have the life that you have, to be able
Speaker 3: to be in the situations that you are, to be
Speaker 3: able to face the things that you do.
Speaker 1: It hasn't been easy for you.
Speaker 3: And you have freaking, like tooth and nail, fought this
Speaker 3: shiz and you have done it, and you're here and
Speaker 3: you have more optimism, you have more hope. You're not
Speaker 3: the same person that was sitting here a year ago,
Speaker 3: and that's just testament to your freaking hard work and
Speaker 3: the people around you and the people you've surrounded yourself with.
Speaker 1: But you did that, all of it. You did it.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, thank you so much for.
Speaker 2: Coming, happy to be here always.
Speaker 3: Well there you have it, guys, Thank you so much
Speaker 3: for staying and for listening to this episode. And like
Speaker 3: I've said, at the beginning, and I always say, if
Speaker 3: anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought
Speaker 3: anything up for you, you feel like you need to talk
Speaker 3: to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest
Speaker 3: thing that you can do right now is to talk
Speaker 3: to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from
Speaker 3: a friend, a family member, or if you don't know
Speaker 3: who to talk to, then if you live in Alta
Speaker 3: Doola here you can call or text one seven three
Speaker 3: seven at any time to talk to a trained counselor.
Speaker 1: Or if you live.
Speaker 3: Overseas, go to dub dub dub dot the Voices of
Speaker 3: Hope dot org for a list of international helplines. Remember
Speaker 3: that no matter what it is that you're facing, no
Speaker 3: matter what it is that you're going through, that in
Speaker 3: all things, hope is real and change is possible.
Speaker 1: I'll see you guys next week.