1
00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:12,693
Speaker 1: You're listening to a podcast from News Talks'd be follow

2
00:00:12,773 --> 00:00:16,173
Speaker 1: this and our Wide Ranger podcast now on iHeartRadio.

3
00:00:16,733 --> 00:00:18,372
Speaker 2: So how can you know who you are if you

4
00:00:18,413 --> 00:00:20,453
Speaker 2: don't know where you came from? That was the question

5
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,933
Speaker 2: that this year spooned Herald reporter Rachel Mayer to embark

6
00:00:23,973 --> 00:00:25,973
Speaker 2: on a journey to find the other half of her

7
00:00:26,412 --> 00:00:28,853
Speaker 2: at DNA. Her story is up on the Herald right now.

8
00:00:28,893 --> 00:00:31,253
Speaker 2: The headline is my donor and Me what it was

9
00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:34,373
Speaker 2: like meeting my spom donor after years of wondering. It's

10
00:00:34,373 --> 00:00:36,773
Speaker 2: a great read and Rachel joins us in the studio

11
00:00:36,893 --> 00:00:39,133
Speaker 2: right now. Hi, Rachel, Hey guys.

12
00:00:38,813 --> 00:00:40,572
Speaker 3: Now, Rachel, can you take us back to when you

13
00:00:40,653 --> 00:00:44,013
Speaker 3: were eight years old and first learned you were donor conceived?

14
00:00:44,772 --> 00:00:46,333
Speaker 3: How did that hit you as a child.

15
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:50,092
Speaker 4: Well, it is recommended eight years old is like the bear,

16
00:00:50,812 --> 00:00:54,813
Speaker 4: the earliest age you should be telling kids, because before

17
00:00:54,853 --> 00:00:57,933
Speaker 4: then they don't really have any sense of people coming

18
00:00:57,973 --> 00:01:00,133
Speaker 4: from anywhere, you know what I mean. You're only just

19
00:01:00,173 --> 00:01:02,572
Speaker 4: saying to be like, where do babies come from? And

20
00:01:02,613 --> 00:01:04,493
Speaker 4: things like that, and you're only just saying to get

21
00:01:04,493 --> 00:01:06,813
Speaker 4: a sense of self. And so they recommend it before

22
00:01:06,853 --> 00:01:09,573
Speaker 4: you start kind of building up any kind of wider

23
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,253
Speaker 4: sense of self about who you are. That's when you

24
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:15,693
Speaker 4: explain it then, And so it wasn't exactly earth shattering.

25
00:01:15,733 --> 00:01:17,932
Speaker 4: I write in my piece that we were told when

26
00:01:17,932 --> 00:01:20,453
Speaker 4: my parents did go to McDonald's and they distracted us

27
00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:22,413
Speaker 4: was taping meals and we went on a merry way.

28
00:01:22,572 --> 00:01:25,372
Speaker 4: And it wasn't until I was about eleven when I

29
00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:28,053
Speaker 4: started looking at my friend's parents and being out and

30
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:31,533
Speaker 4: being really curious at putting together the different parts of

31
00:01:31,572 --> 00:01:33,933
Speaker 4: them that made them up, and feeling quite sad that

32
00:01:33,932 --> 00:01:36,372
Speaker 4: I couldn't do the same. And I was also obsessed

33
00:01:36,493 --> 00:01:40,932
Speaker 4: with show Missing Pieces with David Lomas, fantastic show, and

34
00:01:40,973 --> 00:01:43,773
Speaker 4: I would picture myself like going through it with David

35
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:47,133
Speaker 4: Lomas and finding my sperm donor with Prance across the

36
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:50,973
Speaker 4: field together and race this big hug with the big

37
00:01:51,093 --> 00:01:52,293
Speaker 4: music and all of that.

38
00:01:53,293 --> 00:01:56,413
Speaker 3: So you talk about wondering and worrying about who your

39
00:01:56,493 --> 00:01:59,573
Speaker 3: donor might be as you got older from a what

40
00:02:00,173 --> 00:02:02,413
Speaker 3: were your concerns and fears.

41
00:02:02,813 --> 00:02:04,893
Speaker 4: Well, it's really the basis of why I decided to

42
00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:08,813
Speaker 4: share the story, because when you research anything to do

43
00:02:08,853 --> 00:02:11,933
Speaker 4: with donor linking, there's very few positive stories.

44
00:02:11,973 --> 00:02:13,493
Speaker 5: They're kind of considered boring.

45
00:02:14,293 --> 00:02:16,733
Speaker 4: It's always Oh, I found out my sperm donor was

46
00:02:16,773 --> 00:02:20,133
Speaker 4: a crazed scientist who fathered five hundred children like all

47
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:22,613
Speaker 4: the documentary said or the other horror story. One that

48
00:02:22,693 --> 00:02:26,133
Speaker 4: I really was really anxious about was the ones of

49
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,173
Speaker 4: marrying your half.

50
00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:28,893
Speaker 5: Brother or sifts these stories.

51
00:02:29,013 --> 00:02:33,053
Speaker 4: Yes, So in twenty nineteen I reached out to tell

52
00:02:33,093 --> 00:02:36,132
Speaker 4: your associates to ask, you know, do I have any

53
00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:38,933
Speaker 4: half siblings floating around out there? And I found out

54
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:40,293
Speaker 4: that I had a half sister born in the same

55
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,373
Speaker 4: year as me, two thousand and a half brother born

56
00:02:42,373 --> 00:02:44,773
Speaker 4: in two thousand and one, wow, to two separate families.

57
00:02:44,813 --> 00:02:46,773
Speaker 4: And from then on I just didn't date anyone.

58
00:02:47,813 --> 00:02:49,893
Speaker 2: That was my work around.

59
00:02:50,933 --> 00:02:53,972
Speaker 3: This must be must have been a complex part. How

60
00:02:53,972 --> 00:02:56,412
Speaker 3: did you decide what to say in the first letter?

61
00:02:56,532 --> 00:02:59,813
Speaker 3: And how did you address Well, we'll find out soon

62
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,733
Speaker 3: his name is Wayne, But how did you address Wayne

63
00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:02,493
Speaker 3: in the first letter?

64
00:03:02,733 --> 00:03:05,653
Speaker 4: What do you say you do donor to who? Maybe

65
00:03:05,693 --> 00:03:07,333
Speaker 4: my father? Are you out there?

66
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:07,573
Speaker 1: Like?

67
00:03:07,613 --> 00:03:10,093
Speaker 4: It was just a you know, speaking to the void.

68
00:03:10,453 --> 00:03:13,132
Speaker 4: So I just said, cured her. I have had these

69
00:03:13,173 --> 00:03:15,533
Speaker 4: three pieces of paper on you. It says you're identifiable.

70
00:03:16,933 --> 00:03:19,573
Speaker 4: I hope that's still the case. I just kept my

71
00:03:19,653 --> 00:03:23,293
Speaker 4: information really really brief. I am a journalist and that

72
00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:25,053
Speaker 4: can be quite a controversial job. Who know, And I

73
00:03:25,053 --> 00:03:26,973
Speaker 4: don't know who this man was. We sar half you know,

74
00:03:27,053 --> 00:03:29,373
Speaker 4: I have it half as DNA, but he's a perfect stranger.

75
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:32,493
Speaker 4: He could have changed a lot since he donated. Who knows,

76
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:36,493
Speaker 4: And so it was just really really brief, just like, please.

77
00:03:36,253 --> 00:03:38,013
Speaker 5: Reply if you want to, It's all good. If not,

78
00:03:38,533 --> 00:03:38,853
Speaker 5: just like.

79
00:03:38,853 --> 00:03:42,413
Speaker 2: Please, Yeah, And then you got a response back from Wayne.

80
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,133
Speaker 2: How did you feel when you got that letter back?

81
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,732
Speaker 4: Did not expect to be as emotional as I did,

82
00:03:47,773 --> 00:03:49,613
Speaker 4: and I think I didn't. I put a lot of

83
00:03:49,613 --> 00:03:52,133
Speaker 4: my fears just to the back of my brain when

84
00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:53,933
Speaker 4: I started the process, and when I opened it up,

85
00:03:54,053 --> 00:03:57,133
Speaker 4: it was immediately clear that he was just the loveliest,

86
00:03:57,413 --> 00:03:59,293
Speaker 4: kindest guy. I think one of the words was like

87
00:03:59,493 --> 00:04:02,573
Speaker 4: something I dreamed of had finally signed to be a fruit.

88
00:04:02,693 --> 00:04:05,053
Speaker 4: He was just so excited that I reached out to him.

89
00:04:05,373 --> 00:04:09,413
Speaker 4: And coincidentally, just the week I had sent my letter,

90
00:04:09,773 --> 00:04:11,933
Speaker 4: he had moved recently to Tims from living in the

91
00:04:11,933 --> 00:04:14,453
Speaker 4: White from other part of White Coat of Ages and

92
00:04:14,493 --> 00:04:17,212
Speaker 4: he had reached out to fertility Associates to re update

93
00:04:17,253 --> 00:04:19,933
Speaker 4: his information from then and he got a call back,

94
00:04:19,973 --> 00:04:21,493
Speaker 4: so he was expecting it but to be like, oh,

95
00:04:22,213 --> 00:04:24,493
Speaker 4: something was inted wrong, but it was actually that that

96
00:04:24,573 --> 00:04:27,293
Speaker 4: had my letter, and he was just beyond shocked. He

97
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:28,333
Speaker 4: told me later like he.

98
00:04:28,413 --> 00:04:30,813
Speaker 5: Was crying when I got his letter. I cried, like

99
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,333
Speaker 5: his very emotional was gorgeous.

100
00:04:32,933 --> 00:04:35,653
Speaker 3: So you first saw what he look like in a photo?

101
00:04:35,773 --> 00:04:37,093
Speaker 5: Was that correct? Yeah?

102
00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:40,653
Speaker 3: And did did you immediately recognize parts of yourself and him?

103
00:04:40,693 --> 00:04:43,933
Speaker 5: It was nuts. I can't explain the experience to a

104
00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:47,173
Speaker 5: single other person. You have to go through yourself. I

105
00:04:47,173 --> 00:04:48,493
Speaker 5: had found out his first his.

106
00:04:48,453 --> 00:04:51,173
Speaker 4: Full name through an email, and I wanted to wait

107
00:04:51,253 --> 00:04:54,053
Speaker 4: to see him in person, but I two sleepless nights later,

108
00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:57,053
Speaker 4: I just could not wait, and so I researched a

109
00:04:57,053 --> 00:04:59,413
Speaker 4: photo and I was actually at my desk and I

110
00:04:59,573 --> 00:05:01,333
Speaker 4: lipped back as soon as I saw him because my

111
00:05:01,373 --> 00:05:03,653
Speaker 4: eyes were staring back at me the exact same color

112
00:05:03,853 --> 00:05:06,013
Speaker 4: I have. My eyes are slightly different shapes, which I

113
00:05:06,053 --> 00:05:09,213
Speaker 4: just thought was like some you know, something genetic, but

114
00:05:09,293 --> 00:05:12,453
Speaker 4: he has that exact same thing, the same smile.

115
00:05:12,973 --> 00:05:15,373
Speaker 5: It was absolutely insane and.

116
00:05:15,293 --> 00:05:18,133
Speaker 2: Your parents went on to meet Wayne as well. What

117
00:05:18,373 --> 00:05:20,453
Speaker 2: was that meeting? Like, I mean, you told that beautiful

118
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:22,733
Speaker 2: story about how your mum reacted, but that must have

119
00:05:22,813 --> 00:05:24,853
Speaker 2: been quite full on for them as well.

120
00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:27,213
Speaker 4: Yeah, so we went and we met him at Mission

121
00:05:27,213 --> 00:05:29,133
Speaker 4: Bay with my older brother and my twin sister who

122
00:05:29,493 --> 00:05:30,613
Speaker 4: obviously so was this.

123
00:05:30,533 --> 00:05:32,293
Speaker 3: The first meeting with him? Yeah, they came to the

124
00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:32,813
Speaker 3: first meeting.

125
00:05:32,973 --> 00:05:34,933
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I met them.

126
00:05:35,733 --> 00:05:38,493
Speaker 4: I met with him, Me and my siblings met with

127
00:05:38,533 --> 00:05:40,893
Speaker 4: him independently for like half an hour just beside the fountain,

128
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:43,573
Speaker 4: and then we met up with my parents at the

129
00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:46,213
Speaker 4: at a restaurant nearby. And I did that just because

130
00:05:46,253 --> 00:05:49,013
Speaker 4: I again, he was a stranger to me. I'd emailed him,

131
00:05:49,053 --> 00:05:51,293
Speaker 4: i'd text him and things, but I just wanted to

132
00:05:51,813 --> 00:05:54,413
Speaker 4: include my entire family in that. And you just never

133
00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:57,013
Speaker 4: know when you're entering into this. You don't know what

134
00:05:57,253 --> 00:05:59,493
Speaker 4: the other people's expectations are.

135
00:05:59,613 --> 00:06:01,053
Speaker 5: I didn't know at that time.

136
00:06:01,213 --> 00:06:03,253
Speaker 4: If he thought he was going to take a fatherly

137
00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:05,413
Speaker 4: role in my life, and so I kind of wanted

138
00:06:05,413 --> 00:06:06,853
Speaker 4: to bring my dad there to be like, I already

139
00:06:06,893 --> 00:06:09,493
Speaker 4: have a dad, but ended up being not a worried

140
00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:11,133
Speaker 4: at or he doesn't want to take that kind of role.

141
00:06:11,173 --> 00:06:13,293
Speaker 4: He just wanted to meet me, and you know, see

142
00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:14,653
Speaker 4: what we came up to be.

143
00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:19,973
Speaker 3: Yeah, So talk us through how you feel now compared

144
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:22,893
Speaker 3: to how you did before meeting Wayne.

145
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:27,853
Speaker 4: I kind of waited until I didn't feel like I

146
00:06:27,893 --> 00:06:29,493
Speaker 4: was going to be a kind of missing part of

147
00:06:29,493 --> 00:06:30,933
Speaker 4: myself to do it, because I didn't want to go

148
00:06:31,013 --> 00:06:34,213
Speaker 4: out and look for him with some kind of ulterior

149
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:36,733
Speaker 4: motive or anything like that. But after the fact, I

150
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:40,373
Speaker 4: definitely feel like I know myself better. It's it's there's

151
00:06:40,373 --> 00:06:42,293
Speaker 4: a lot of talking Maori principles about knowing who you

152
00:06:42,333 --> 00:06:44,493
Speaker 4: are and your fucker puppa, and I think that's kind

153
00:06:44,533 --> 00:06:47,213
Speaker 4: of what I've discovered and what's really really important for

154
00:06:47,253 --> 00:06:48,893
Speaker 4: me to go on now and live my life as

155
00:06:48,893 --> 00:06:51,093
Speaker 4: an adult. I'm almost twenty five, and I feel like

156
00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:54,213
Speaker 4: I definitely, for the first time, truly know who I

157
00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:56,053
Speaker 4: am and what makes me me.

158
00:06:57,693 --> 00:07:01,053
Speaker 3: Fantastic. And I guess finally, Rachel, would you recommend this

159
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,853
Speaker 3: to other donor children, and if so, what advice would

160
00:07:03,893 --> 00:07:04,413
Speaker 3: you give them?

161
00:07:05,093 --> 00:07:05,373
Speaker 5: Oh?

162
00:07:05,453 --> 00:07:08,213
Speaker 4: Man, I wouldn't try this experience in the world. I'd recommend

163
00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:11,013
Speaker 4: it a thousand, a thousand times over. I'm hoping that

164
00:07:11,093 --> 00:07:13,533
Speaker 4: now I get to meet my two half siblings. I

165
00:07:13,613 --> 00:07:14,813
Speaker 4: might have a dream that they're going to see my

166
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,933
Speaker 4: video and email, like I think I might be.

167
00:07:16,933 --> 00:07:18,093
Speaker 5: Related to you all on.

168
00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:22,013
Speaker 4: The advice to just go out into it without expectation,

169
00:07:22,173 --> 00:07:25,533
Speaker 4: do not listen to the horror stories. They are much

170
00:07:25,733 --> 00:07:28,893
Speaker 4: much more rare than people would like you to believe. Like,

171
00:07:29,053 --> 00:07:30,893
Speaker 4: this is what I wanted to do when sharing my story.

172
00:07:30,933 --> 00:07:33,973
Speaker 4: Hopefully people can see that very often it's a very positive,

173
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:35,293
Speaker 4: very cool experience.

174
00:07:35,453 --> 00:07:39,173
Speaker 3: And it didn't affect adversely your relationship with your parents

175
00:07:39,173 --> 00:07:39,893
Speaker 3: that you grew up with.

176
00:07:40,253 --> 00:07:40,653
Speaker 5: No.

177
00:07:40,653 --> 00:07:43,293
Speaker 4: No, I mean I was always, as you can imagine,

178
00:07:43,373 --> 00:07:45,893
Speaker 4: was anxious that my dad might react in a certain way.

179
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:49,533
Speaker 4: But he has been the most incredible figure and just

180
00:07:49,573 --> 00:07:51,733
Speaker 4: proven what kind of dad he is and proven that

181
00:07:51,773 --> 00:07:54,093
Speaker 4: it doesn't take biology to make you a dad. It

182
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:56,693
Speaker 4: takes a lot more than that, and he's only been

183
00:07:56,973 --> 00:07:59,293
Speaker 4: incredibly happy and incredibly supportive of us.

184
00:07:59,453 --> 00:08:00,253
Speaker 3: Yeah. That's beautiful.

185
00:08:00,373 --> 00:08:03,053
Speaker 2: Yeah, beautiful story. And you didn't even need David Lomax

186
00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:03,533
Speaker 2: on the end.

187
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,533
Speaker 5: No, No, although you know, if he wants.

188
00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:10,893
Speaker 3: To, mession is a pretty missing pieces placed.

189
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:13,293
Speaker 4: They're definitely inspired by it.

190
00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:16,653
Speaker 2: Yeah, really nice to chat with you, Rachel and all

191
00:08:16,693 --> 00:08:17,413
Speaker 2: the best O.

192
00:08:17,573 --> 00:08:18,253
Speaker 5: Thank you guys.

193
00:08:19,493 --> 00:08:22,133
Speaker 1: For more from News Talks at b listen live on

194
00:08:22,213 --> 00:08:25,173
Speaker 1: air or online, and keep our shows with you wherever

195
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,813
Speaker 1: you go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio