Speaker 1: With the Heads Podcast Network.
Speaker 2: Hi, welcome back to another episode of Slow It Down.
Speaker 2: I am your host, PJ Harding, and I am loving
Speaker 2: hearing your feedback on all of the episodes that we've
Speaker 2: released so far.
Speaker 1: Don't be shy to get in touch.
Speaker 2: Let me know what's resonating, what's not resonating, what you
Speaker 2: want to hear more of this podcast.
Speaker 1: Obviously, I am on a journey.
Speaker 2: To work out how people find peace and the chaos.
Speaker 2: It's not about getting rid of the chaos, but it's
Speaker 2: about working out what rituals and practices people do to
Speaker 2: stay sane in this crazy world, and it is certainly
Speaker 2: extra crazy at the moment. This week, I am joined
Speaker 2: by an incredible woman who's all but I first came
Speaker 2: into contact with I can't remember if it was the
Speaker 2: end of last year or the beginning of this year.
Speaker 2: And when I saw her, I thought, she is captivating.
Speaker 2: She has a real enthusiasm for life, an infectious energy.
Speaker 1: And she knows what she wants.
Speaker 2: And I thought, that's what we need on the podcast
Speaker 2: this week, a bit of uplifting talk.
Speaker 1: So I wanted to get.
Speaker 2: Inside the brain of Cassandra Grodd. She is an author, podcaster,
Speaker 2: and content creator, and in this episode we talk about confidence.
Speaker 2: Has she always been as confident as she appears online?
Speaker 2: The answer is no, and the process that she's gone
Speaker 2: on is really interesting and that journey that she has
Speaker 2: taken to feel really comfortable in her own skin, So
Speaker 2: we dive into that in so much more. I hope
Speaker 2: you get a lot out of this chat, like I
Speaker 2: did my conversation with Cassandra Grod. I do just want
Speaker 2: to do a trigger warning before we get into the podcast,
Speaker 2: as there is content that is sensitive in nature as
Speaker 2: we discuss topics such as eating disorders. So I would
Speaker 2: encourage you to take a break during the episode if
Speaker 2: it all becomes too much, or make an informed decision
Speaker 2: that this content isn't right for you.
Speaker 1: Okays, welcome to slow it down.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much and honored to be here.
Speaker 2: I first came across you when we were on a
Speaker 2: bit of a conference with Hannah Krera and it was
Speaker 2: like this beautiful weekend session and that's when I first
Speaker 2: got to hear you. And I must say, you have
Speaker 2: very beautiful, infectious energy that you kind of.
Speaker 1: Just want more of. I think you've got such a
Speaker 1: zest for life.
Speaker 4: Ah, what a compliment, I would say the exact same.
Speaker 2: Thing to you, because I know that it's possibly not
Speaker 2: always been like that, and I feel like you have
Speaker 2: been on a real journey of coming to love yourself.
Speaker 1: Is that right correct?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 2: Because you've got two books out called Bully and Karling,
Speaker 2: and can you run through just quickly the premise of
Speaker 2: those two books and how you ended up freaking writing
Speaker 2: books in the first place.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: So. I struggled really intimately with an eating disorder through
Speaker 4: my teenage years. So I had bulimia from I remember
Speaker 4: having balimic tendencies from when I was quite tiny, and
Speaker 4: I dissected all about where that came from and a
Speaker 4: lot of therapy, but it was something that I just
Speaker 4: lived with and it was this incredible secret and it
Speaker 4: held hands with anxiety disorder, which I was medicated for
Speaker 4: at one point, body dysmorphia, everything under that category, and
Speaker 4: writing and creativity for me was an outlet and it
Speaker 4: was something that just happened really, really naturally. And at
Speaker 4: the same time, I joined social media right when it
Speaker 4: was booming, and I remember when it first came out
Speaker 4: and I was seventeen, and we posted photos of like
Speaker 4: tank and sushi and like how weird friends in high
Speaker 4: school were filtered, and I coincided with the platform that
Speaker 4: is Instagram, and I just naturally was someone who sort
Speaker 4: of gained attention.
Speaker 3: And when I.
Speaker 4: First joined social media, I was in a very very
Speaker 4: dark place in terms of how I saw myself and
Speaker 4: how I perceived myself, and I was presenting myself as
Speaker 4: something I wasn't in a way. And one day I
Speaker 4: shared a piece of writing and I was living in
Speaker 4: the UK at the time, and I remember I went
Speaker 4: to the bathroom and I came back and I had
Speaker 4: fifty d ms PJ Wow, And I was like, shut
Speaker 4: the front door. I'm Kylie Jenner. Everybody can leave.
Speaker 3: This is the most success any human has ever experienced.
Speaker 4: And there was this massive encouragement for me to keep going,
Speaker 4: and I just started sharing writing my platform built. People
Speaker 4: were like, give us a book. And I had no
Speaker 4: idea what the frick I was doing. I just the
Speaker 4: whole thing was me and free answers that I hired
Speaker 4: off Fiber and great friends of mine.
Speaker 3: And put the book out Lightning Head Earth, and it
Speaker 3: did exceptionally well.
Speaker 4: It was third on the Amazon best sellers and remained
Speaker 4: up there. It stayed on the charts for quite a
Speaker 4: while and I went on to do my second one.
Speaker 4: So to answer your question, I think writing was the
Speaker 4: a sort of a pinnacle point of an incredible journey
Speaker 4: i'd have I'd had with discovering myself through this eating disorder,
Speaker 4: and that's what the books are about, essentially.
Speaker 2: And so you were talking about how like the life
Speaker 2: that you were projecting online differed from how you were feeling.
Speaker 2: What was the process of aligning your true self with
Speaker 2: what you were projecting out there.
Speaker 3: It's funny because when.
Speaker 4: I say that it could be taken in a negative context,
Speaker 4: it actually worked really positively for me because it was
Speaker 4: this breath of air where I would post online as
Speaker 4: the super confident girl, and I think somewhere along the
Speaker 4: way my brain started to go, oh, wait, we actually
Speaker 4: can be that person. So it was potentially a little
Speaker 4: bit of a fake it till you make it, and
Speaker 4: it was also a moment of showing myself what's possible.
Speaker 4: Social media gets a really bad, bad stick of it,
Speaker 4: but it actually worked quite harmoniously for me as long
Speaker 4: as I was doing the inner work at the same time.
Speaker 3: And I think doing the inner.
Speaker 4: Work working through the trauma, working through the things in
Speaker 4: my childhood, working through the shadow, finding this radical acceptance
Speaker 4: of myself and my body and forgiving myself. That's when
Speaker 4: the presentation and the image and what I actually believed
Speaker 4: to be true lined up.
Speaker 3: And it didn't.
Speaker 4: It wasn't overnight like it was. I'm about to be
Speaker 4: twenty eight, so I've been on this platform posting photos
Speaker 4: of myself for a wee while.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so interesting that you actually found it worked
Speaker 2: and your favorite and it was almost like, I guess,
Speaker 2: not like a mood board, but you'd be kind of
Speaker 2: trying to curate how you wanted to feel. And as
Speaker 2: long as you were doing that kind of internal work,
Speaker 2: then you really felt like you eventually kind of got
Speaker 2: there And did that take a lot of I don't know, obviously,
Speaker 2: this is because I know you're a bit of a
Speaker 2: gym when it comes to manifestation. Is that when you
Speaker 2: really started getting that into gear as well?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, well, I'll butcher this.
Speaker 4: I don't know the exact you know, someone listening out
Speaker 4: there will give me a lot of shit for this.
Speaker 1: I butcher all my quotes.
Speaker 2: If you're about to butcher right, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: Wasn't there.
Speaker 4: I know, right, like I say things on mine and
Speaker 4: I'm like right. So there was a study done, I
Speaker 4: believe it was by Harvard, and they measured the strongest
Speaker 4: emotion that can be admitted from the human body. And
Speaker 4: how they measured this, dear God, don't ask me, but
Speaker 4: they did. And the strongest emotion or state of being
Speaker 4: that a human could be in was authenticity.
Speaker 3: So it was on the scale. Authenticity was right up.
Speaker 4: And then it was forgiveness I believe in, then gratitude
Speaker 4: And when we think of that word you through out there,
Speaker 4: that's manifestation.
Speaker 3: It's very commercial.
Speaker 4: Now, what manifestation means is that you are as close
Speaker 4: to living your authentic life as possible.
Speaker 3: So if you've got your.
Speaker 4: Ship pointed in your true direction and you're not pretending,
Speaker 4: and it takes going through the layers of where am
Speaker 4: I not being myself right? Where am I performing? Where
Speaker 4: am I pushing? Where am I moving something uphill? Where
Speaker 4: am I people pleasing? Where am I saying yes when
Speaker 4: I should be saying no? And it's manifestation is actually
Speaker 4: just about lifting your self respect. So for something like
Speaker 4: healing and eating disorder, which is quite a disrespectful behavior
Speaker 4: to do to yourself. Naturally, in that process, I found
Speaker 4: my way to manifestation.
Speaker 3: And so manifestation can be really.
Speaker 4: Spiritual and crystals and whatnot, but then it can also
Speaker 4: be really tangible and just like when you treat yourself right,
Speaker 4: the universe treats you right. That's what started to really
Speaker 4: click and change for me, and it changed everything. It
Speaker 4: changed how I look physically. That energy that you talk about,
Speaker 4: that zest for life, that positivity that cut path full.
Speaker 4: It all started with how I was treating myself. And
Speaker 4: if I was going to binge and purge over a
Speaker 4: toilet four days a week, that's not a very great
Speaker 4: way that I can four days week, four times a day. Rather,
Speaker 4: it's not a great way that I can tell myself
Speaker 4: and any other aspect of my life that I come first.
Speaker 2: Wow, Authenticity is like obviously another word that's thrown around
Speaker 2: a lot, but it's probably something that a lot of
Speaker 2: people really really struggle to be truly authentic, whether it's
Speaker 2: being in a job that they.
Speaker 1: Just aren't quite aligned with.
Speaker 2: A relationship, living where they're not quite you know, content with.
Speaker 2: So you were saying, like going through all the things
Speaker 2: that you know you're not.
Speaker 1: Oh, I can't remember how you exactly worded.
Speaker 3: It, but the way you're pretending.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So would you like, do you have a tangible
Speaker 2: way that people listening right now can kind of do
Speaker 2: a checklist in their brain if they're being authentic, because
Speaker 2: sometimes it is. It's one of those things that's really
Speaker 2: hard to measure.
Speaker 4: I would say that the first thing you need to
Speaker 4: do is you need to listen to your body. So
Speaker 4: you need to take the space, whether that's five minutes
Speaker 4: in the morning, five minutes at night, whether you're at
Speaker 4: that job that you hate that you don't really need
Speaker 4: cash to give you a checklist because you know you.
Speaker 3: Fricking hate it there.
Speaker 4: And I like to put my hands on my womb
Speaker 4: or like lower stomach if you hate that word everyone
Speaker 4: hates sorry wom.
Speaker 2: Hey, Wom's beautiful. Something quite confronting about the word worm.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's so beautiful.
Speaker 4: But like, yeah, yeah, it's like kind of near moist,
Speaker 4: it is. I'm with you, but you can, you know,
Speaker 4: you put your hands on your womb and take a
Speaker 4: deep breath and really notice where your breath is heading,
Speaker 4: how deep it's going in. And I like to ask myself,
Speaker 4: what do I need to know? And also you can
Speaker 4: ask yourself what's true. So when you sit with your
Speaker 4: body and it might tell you nothing, or it might
Speaker 4: tell you everything. It might tell you so many things
Speaker 4: that aren't true, you're a bit confronted.
Speaker 3: But you're going to.
Speaker 4: Start to feel tension towards what won't be right. And
Speaker 4: I think you were talking earlier about this podcast being
Speaker 4: about people who.
Speaker 3: Move very fast.
Speaker 4: And if you're moving fast and a big player, and
Speaker 4: we will arm we have loads of things going on
Speaker 4: in our life that five minutes every morning, every evening,
Speaker 4: in the middle of your day, where you ask yourself,
Speaker 4: have I been honest with myself?
Speaker 3: Or am I betraying myself right?
Speaker 4: And that sense of betrayal to the self will come
Speaker 4: through very strongly in your body, and it's going to
Speaker 4: give you quite a strong compass and my experience of
Speaker 4: what's working and what's not. And beyond that, pay attention
Speaker 4: to how you feel at the end of little things,
Speaker 4: end of a meeting, end of a friend hangout, end
Speaker 4: of a date. Do you leave and you feel like
Speaker 4: high energy? Do you leave and you feel low energy?
Speaker 4: And so getting out of our head and all this
Speaker 4: like mental thinking and YadA YadA, and actually listening to
Speaker 4: our feeling level of what feels good and what works
Speaker 4: for us.
Speaker 3: That's my tangible tip.
Speaker 4: That's something that I practiced every single day for authenticity.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that, and I because I've I have a
Speaker 2: little bit of worm from time to time, and like
Speaker 2: you often hear about like the full body yees, like
Speaker 2: getting that full body yees, but that can take a
Speaker 2: while again to really.
Speaker 1: Get in tune with yourself.
Speaker 2: And so it comes down to I supose that regular practice,
Speaker 2: so you you really start to know what the signals
Speaker 2: mean in your body when there is that insane resistance
Speaker 2: right when it's like, nah, this isn't right, because your
Speaker 2: body ultimately knows. It's a very great tip that I
Speaker 2: think we can walk away with today. So thank you course.
Speaker 2: So what about when kes is feeling really blur or
Speaker 2: really yuck and she's in a bit of a rut.
Speaker 2: How do you navigate through that and how do you
Speaker 2: often reset?
Speaker 4: I have two answers for that. The first answer is
Speaker 4: my practices. So I am very very grounded and loyal
Speaker 4: to my practices. And when I start to feel off track,
Speaker 4: I notice that I've slipped from the things that make
Speaker 4: me feel great. So my morning routine is so sacred
Speaker 4: to me. It is meticulous, it is perfected. It is
Speaker 4: like I'm the most annoying person you'd ever mate, but
Speaker 4: I'm on an empty stomach. People tell me, I saw
Speaker 4: you walking and you were smiling, like you looked insane.
Speaker 3: You were smiling so much.
Speaker 1: And it's because I have this.
Speaker 4: Walking meditation and sometimes I chant, and sometimes I put
Speaker 4: my arms out and I say my affirmation and I
Speaker 4: come back from this walk and I'm blowing and people
Speaker 4: are sort of like, my alarm hasn't gone.
Speaker 2: Off, So so talk I throw your meticulous routine.
Speaker 1: I want to hear it.
Speaker 3: Okay, So it starts six a m.
Speaker 4: And I have a bone broth with so I'm not
Speaker 4: sure if anyone knows much about bone broth. It's very
Speaker 4: good for your collagen, YadA.
Speaker 3: YadA on drop and then I will have some supplements.
Speaker 4: So I take my Eve Wellness, blood, sugar Babe, and
Speaker 4: vitamin C and.
Speaker 3: Then I go for my walk. My walk is forty five.
Speaker 4: Minutes, and I listen to a walking meditation of myself
Speaker 4: or of doctor Joe Despenser.
Speaker 1: Oh, he's the man.
Speaker 3: He's the man.
Speaker 2: I was listening to us audiover the other day, although
Speaker 2: I was trying to drive long distances, and I must
Speaker 2: say it was not the best thing to stay awake.
Speaker 1: In the car, but some of his serving voice knowledge.
Speaker 1: I think meditation that I do it's unreal amazing.
Speaker 3: I love that everyone needs to do it. It's like
Speaker 3: you go through who you used to be, who you.
Speaker 4: Want to be, and you actually like I like walking
Speaker 4: through my meditation because I literally walk into the person
Speaker 4: I'm trying to become.
Speaker 3: Come back. If it's a really good day, I'm going
Speaker 3: to the gymeral plates.
Speaker 4: If it's not that type of day, I'm sitting and
Speaker 4: doing twenty.
Speaker 3: Minutes of breath work. I do Awaken breathwork. You have
Speaker 3: incredible shout out Awaken, look as Mac hewe awesome guy.
Speaker 4: I'll journal anything that comes up. Then I'm having my breakfast,
Speaker 4: which is high protein the rest of my supplements. I'm showering,
Speaker 4: and then I go and I have my coffee after
Speaker 4: I've eaten an hour and a half after I wake up.
Speaker 3: Everybody's super important changed my whole life.
Speaker 2: And wait, wait, you have the coffee an hour after you'veden.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, sorry, an hour after I've waken up.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 4: Food and tummy high proteins, and then I'll go and
Speaker 4: I like to sit with my coffee and make it
Speaker 4: a moment and really enjoy it and be slow with it.
Speaker 4: And that's my slow little moment, and I go through
Speaker 4: my day and my to do list, and that's how
Speaker 4: I start my morning.
Speaker 1: I love.
Speaker 2: I mean, I have a toddler, so I can imagine
Speaker 2: other parents out there right now, are like the sounds
Speaker 2: like a dream routine, And yes, I can maybe doing
Speaker 2: about of kids. So like, look, everyone has to kind
Speaker 2: of work around the time that they've got. But I
Speaker 2: love the dedication that you've got and you just know
Speaker 2: that for you and when you don't do that, then
Speaker 2: you start feeling out of alignment.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, my whole.
Speaker 4: Thing with it is is that that's my life changed
Speaker 4: when I got a morning routine, because that's how I
Speaker 4: tell the universe that I come first. So before I
Speaker 4: go to that big meeting or before I'm doing things
Speaker 4: for everyone else, I'm doing.
Speaker 3: Something for me.
Speaker 4: And I swear when I started admitting that into the world,
Speaker 4: the whole world started to go, oh, okay, you come first.
Speaker 3: You're prioritizing yourself.
Speaker 4: So I'm sure everyone can't do the cast Rod two
Speaker 4: hours all the morning routine, because sometimes Cas Grod can't
Speaker 4: do that. Even if it's like the five minute chicken
Speaker 4: with your body, have it stacked, do that in the shower.
Speaker 4: You can take a couple of supplements for yourself. You
Speaker 4: can have a nourishing breakfast whilst you're making your families.
Speaker 4: Incorporate it in a way that works for you.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I love that. Do you even feel self doubt or
Speaker 1: and secure?
Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundred percent so you of course yes.
Speaker 1: Taught me through it.
Speaker 2: Taught me through what happens when you when you feel
Speaker 2: all of that, well, it.
Speaker 3: Normally comes for me.
Speaker 4: I wonder if you relate to this after I've put
Speaker 4: something out so I don't really doubt myself free launching it.
Speaker 4: I have this very bizarre confidence that I get from
Speaker 4: my dad, who's super German. He thinks everything he does
Speaker 4: is great, and like, I'm just like this is awesome, Like, guys,
Speaker 4: look at this photo.
Speaker 3: I look amazing. Wow. And then I put it out
Speaker 3: there and I'm like I hate everything about this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or I sometimes will just have imposter syndrome, and
Speaker 4: I think that there's people who are more qualified or
Speaker 4: more you know, gorgeous or skinnier or funnier or better
Speaker 4: or smarter or whatever it is. Your little brain comes
Speaker 4: in and I just tell my brain that for me,
Speaker 4: that voice, you're allowed to sit in the car.
Speaker 3: You're not allowed to drive.
Speaker 4: I can hear you, and you're in the passenger seat,
Speaker 4: and you're never going to go away because you're a
Speaker 4: part of me, and my role here is to love
Speaker 4: every part of me. I'm not going to throw you
Speaker 4: out of the car, but I'm going to be like,
Speaker 4: I get your.
Speaker 3: Opinion, I'm going to show you the other option.
Speaker 4: So I think hearing it and acting on it is
Speaker 4: two different things. And I'm grateful that now I'm at
Speaker 4: the place where my big girl pants drive the car.
Speaker 1: Most of the time.
Speaker 4: But of course that voice is there sometimes, and sometimes
Speaker 4: I think just letting yourself have a really bad day
Speaker 4: is also really important. You know, eat some yummy food,
Speaker 4: sit in your bed, cancel some plans.
Speaker 3: It's like you're a.
Speaker 2: Human and knowing it's a bad day, not a bad life,
Speaker 2: but just it's going to happen.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so I always say to myself, like, you
Speaker 4: can take today or tonight, but then tomorrow you wake
Speaker 4: up and you move forward.
Speaker 2: So you kind of allow you kind of give yourself
Speaker 2: that permission to just dump to emotion, dump right absolutely.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, and have your things that you enjoy, like I
Speaker 4: love reality TV shows and I love you know, pizza
Speaker 4: or whatever it is.
Speaker 3: Whatever, you just need to nourish. The soul sometimes important.
Speaker 4: And I think to all this stuff we talk about
Speaker 4: in wellness, I think it's important to see it as
Speaker 4: a lifestyle and not as some eight week course or
Speaker 4: one week push or summer's come and glow up thing.
Speaker 3: It's like, you're in this.
Speaker 1: The life has to be sustainable.
Speaker 3: It has to be sustainable.
Speaker 4: So if I do my meditation, you know, three times
Speaker 4: a week, that's awesome because I'm doing that consistently.
Speaker 2: And it has to be something you look forward to
Speaker 2: as well. A yes, yes, you don't want to look
Speaker 2: at it as punishment.
Speaker 3: What about for you? Do you feel insecure and get down?
Speaker 1: Oh? I definitely do. I find like I get through waves.
Speaker 2: I'll have times where I'm like, ah, you know that
Speaker 2: doesn't really impact me. But I've definitely throughout the years
Speaker 2: when I was younger, I definitely compared myself to other people,
Speaker 2: you know, in some of the positions, and then I'm
Speaker 2: in the having quite perfony, going oh my god, why
Speaker 2: why would I even compare myself because we are genuinely
Speaker 2: such different people. Yes we may be in some of
Speaker 2: the jobs, but all of us human beings are so unique.
Speaker 2: And until you can actually fully embrace that and dive
Speaker 2: into that and lean into it.
Speaker 1: You're just going to be a shit version, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean?
Speaker 2: You're never going to be the best version until you
Speaker 2: completely embrace at all. So but I'm still learning, and
Speaker 2: I still find that random things will trigger me and
Speaker 2: I'll just be you know, thrown off course and I'll
Speaker 2: be like, oh my god, am I doing I could
Speaker 2: have been doing better if I did this or this,
Speaker 2: and like, yeah, the inner dialogue loves to take over sometimes,
Speaker 2: But I just love to pack other people's brains and
Speaker 2: show that this is such like a human response, like
Speaker 2: we do all go through these moments and we're not
Speaker 2: We can't just be confident one hundred percent of the time.
Speaker 1: And I love how you admit that you don't make
Speaker 1: it till you make it sometimes I take.
Speaker 3: It till I make it all the time. Success level.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, like Taylor I'm a big TAILOSWOFT fan
Speaker 4: and Taylorsoft has a song.
Speaker 3: I can do it with a broken heart.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3: You know you're good when you can do it with
Speaker 3: a broken heart.
Speaker 4: And I think for anyone who sees someone like yourself
Speaker 4: or you know, someone who's kind of face forward in
Speaker 4: their industry, a lot of the times you don't see
Speaker 4: the broken heart because you see the light in the
Speaker 4: eyes that you've worked so hard to also be able
Speaker 4: to do at the same time. And that doesn't mean
Speaker 4: that there isn't shadows behind the camera whatever's going out there.
Speaker 2: I listened to one of your podcast episodes talking about
Speaker 2: how important it was to remember that you are the
Speaker 2: main character in your life and you're not meant to
Speaker 2: play the sidekick, and it's so easy to get like
Speaker 2: caught up and that narrative of being in someone else's life.
Speaker 1: Well, other story. Do you want to talk through that
Speaker 1: a little bit?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was I love that you brought that up
Speaker 4: because it's been a real struggle for me. I've really
Speaker 4: really struggled with being in someone else's story, and it's
Speaker 4: a pattern that I.
Speaker 3: Actually repeat to this very day.
Speaker 4: And I think I get it from my upbringing because
Speaker 4: my dad was very successful as a musician.
Speaker 3: He still is, so.
Speaker 4: I kind of was always going along with my parents'
Speaker 4: succeeds in their work. And I'm have an older brother,
Speaker 4: but he's a lot older, so I kind of felt
Speaker 4: like the little sidekick to them.
Speaker 3: They are great parents. It's not a bad thing, but
Speaker 3: it's just.
Speaker 4: Interesting to analyze because I've often attracted these sort of
Speaker 4: big friendships or big personalities, and I'm someone who loves
Speaker 4: to help. I love to give advice, I love to love,
Speaker 4: I love to care.
Speaker 3: I'm so hard on my sleeve, but.
Speaker 4: In to my detriment occasionally and to my detriment where
Speaker 4: I wouldn't take the space to go, huh, is this
Speaker 4: what I want? Is this the food I want to eat?
Speaker 4: And is this where I want to be? Is? Do
Speaker 4: I still want to stay out this late? Do I
Speaker 4: want to drink alcohol? Do I want to behave like this?
Speaker 4: Am I gossiping and bitching because I think it's cool
Speaker 4: to this person? Or There were so many tiny ways
Speaker 4: it started to show up, And then I noticed that
Speaker 4: when I pulled back and stood in my power that
Speaker 4: some of those quite captivating, big personality people lost.
Speaker 3: Interest in me.
Speaker 4: Wow, I wasn't simply fanning their fire. And that's okay,
Speaker 4: that's divine. I think everyone comes into our life to
Speaker 4: teach us something. So all love to anyone who but yeah,
Speaker 4: it's been a real thing for me.
Speaker 3: Of I'm allowed to come.
Speaker 4: First, and anyone out there who struggles with it, what
Speaker 4: I work on.
Speaker 3: This is like my little tip for.
Speaker 4: It is any tiny way that you can practice using
Speaker 4: your voice, even if you people please and then you
Speaker 4: leave and you come back and you're like.
Speaker 3: No, this is sorry problem.
Speaker 4: I'm recommunicating even if it's like that, and it will
Speaker 4: be messy and it will be clunky, but do it.
Speaker 4: So if you're at the cafe and they give you
Speaker 4: the wrong milk, say something with kindness. Let's say something.
Speaker 4: If the food's not right, say something right. If you
Speaker 4: don't want to go to that party, don't just say yes,
Speaker 4: negotiate compromise. Hey, I'm not wanting to be out right now.
Speaker 4: Can I take you for a walk and a coffee
Speaker 4: the next morning? So not so much seeing it as
Speaker 4: black and white, but seeing it as I can negotiate
Speaker 4: for something that also works for me. So that's yeah,
Speaker 4: it's been a big journey. But that's my little tip
Speaker 4: right now is honoring your voice.
Speaker 2: That's why do I know so many people pleasers. I
Speaker 2: feel like I know so many reformed, reformed people plasers
Speaker 2: that are like on the road to being way more assertive.
Speaker 2: But why is it so ingrained? Is it particularly a
Speaker 2: woman thing?
Speaker 3: I think it's quite kiwi.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe it is a kiwi thing.
Speaker 4: I think it is quite like even my time in Australia,
Speaker 4: I find them a lot more assertive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And maybe that's what helped me because I did
Speaker 2: live in Australia for a few years and I look
Speaker 2: back at the things that I used to accept and
Speaker 2: again it's still an ongoing journey. But like you would
Speaker 2: feel so uncomfortable, you know, standing up or voicing where
Speaker 2: you're coming from, and you'd almost have to apologize for
Speaker 2: every little thing that you wanted to say. And it's
Speaker 2: like no, no, hag about No, there is nothing wrong
Speaker 2: with just affirming your boundaries or stating your opinion or
Speaker 2: your perspective or why you feel good. But like it's
Speaker 2: still so much easier said than done.
Speaker 4: It's very hard, and it's hard because it means that
Speaker 4: you have.
Speaker 3: To respect yourself and your life.
Speaker 4: You have to say with true confidence, my story comes first.
Speaker 4: And you know, and I think like for me in
Speaker 4: the past, it was like, oh, this, this person's story
Speaker 4: is cooler than mine. They've got cooler things going on,
Speaker 4: They've got more success, they've got more money, more whatever
Speaker 4: they have. Like, let's go with their idea and way
Speaker 4: of being and getting swept.
Speaker 3: Up in someone else and to find that personal.
Speaker 4: Like darma of no, like I'm allowed to take up
Speaker 4: space too, we can do what I want to do.
Speaker 4: Is super super challenging. It's super challenging. It's a journey
Speaker 4: that I'm on.
Speaker 2: Also, do you I know that you loved a butcher
Speaker 2: a quote, but are there a number of quotes that
Speaker 2: you do sometimes come back to in your life to
Speaker 2: keep you on track?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I have. This is a quote by Louise Hay.
Speaker 1: Love her.
Speaker 4: Oh, if you haven't discovered Louise Hey, discover Louise Hay.
Speaker 4: She's like the godmother of all the self help work
Speaker 4: you've ever heard.
Speaker 1: She like Life Loves You is one of her books.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can heal your life.
Speaker 1: That's it.
Speaker 4: You can heal your body anyway. She has an affirmation
Speaker 4: and it is all as well in my.
Speaker 1: World simpole, simpole, I live by that.
Speaker 4: I live by another quote that's my own, which is
Speaker 4: time to do the impossible. So when I'm faced with
Speaker 4: something really crazy or really full on, I just say
Speaker 4: time to do the impossible, and that really helps me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, those are my two little gems. Do you have
Speaker 3: anything you live by?
Speaker 2: I see this is over. Not off the top of
Speaker 2: my head, I've thrown you under the bus. No, I'm
Speaker 2: sure I do. Did you assay saying did I read
Speaker 2: something that you see more as more.
Speaker 1: More is more?
Speaker 3: That's another great one.
Speaker 2: So then I don't know if it would have flied.
Speaker 2: I think I get overwhelmed. How do how does how
Speaker 2: do you translate that to you?
Speaker 4: I love everything like I'm just like I want the
Speaker 4: bright color, the sparkly outfit.
Speaker 3: I want to be half naked wearing mesh. I want
Speaker 3: like the.
Speaker 4: Most outrageous birthday cake, Like give me all of it,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean? Like I just I love
Speaker 4: it like I love and tense people. I love people
Speaker 4: who love life. I love loud people. I love being funny.
Speaker 4: I love doing new things and going on adventures and
Speaker 4: just biting off more than I can chew.
Speaker 3: And that's kind of who I am.
Speaker 4: So for me, more is more is just like I think,
Speaker 4: especially for women and New Zealanders as well.
Speaker 1: You know, a little tall Bobby syndrome is real.
Speaker 4: I don't even say it, but I think a lot
Speaker 4: of people sort of like to bring into the background
Speaker 4: or or they're scared to be too much. And I
Speaker 4: love being too much. I think being too much is
Speaker 4: the best thing in the world. And anyone who thinks
Speaker 4: they're too much, come and hang out with me. We
Speaker 4: can start a crew. And how much more applies to
Speaker 4: my life?
Speaker 1: What does success mean to you? How would you define success?
Speaker 3: Learning? Applied learning?
Speaker 4: So if I'm going into a situation similar to what
Speaker 4: I've been into the past, but I'm handling it differently,
Speaker 4: Like maybe one of those tough conversations we were talking about,
Speaker 4: maybe you know you mentioned sometimes you get triggered. The
Speaker 4: best feeling for me is when I noticed somewhere I
Speaker 4: would have gotten triggered and I didn't. So those moments
Speaker 4: where you feel your reaction shift and you're turning up
Speaker 4: differently you're applying yourself differently. That to me is success.
Speaker 4: It's evolution. I really believe that we're here to evolve
Speaker 4: as people, as humankind, as your individual soul and self.
Speaker 4: And any way, even if the plan and the route
Speaker 4: that I've been thrown is not what I would have
Speaker 4: ever wished for myself, if I've found a deeper connection
Speaker 4: to me and an invitation to love myself further, and
Speaker 4: I've taken it, and I can feel that that.
Speaker 2: Success, I love that is. That is some seriously profound
Speaker 2: words there. I love that, guess And if you were
Speaker 2: will wrap this up soon. But if you were to
Speaker 2: give eighteen year old Casts some advice, knowing everything that
Speaker 2: she's about to go through, I'm really throwing you under
Speaker 2: the bus here with like quotes and advice.
Speaker 1: But what would you say, eighteen year old Cares?
Speaker 4: What would I say to eighteen year old Cares? I
Speaker 4: think I would say do everything, and more like, don't
Speaker 4: hold back, go as deep into it as you can.
Speaker 4: So if you're heartbroken, be really heartbroken, because one day
Speaker 4: you're going to have the love of your life.
Speaker 3: If you're poor, be really poor.
Speaker 4: One day you won't be say yes to every trip
Speaker 4: every festival, drink every drink, try everything, Take every experience
Speaker 4: you can, because looking back on it, every experience I
Speaker 4: had was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Speaker 4: So I would tell her to press on the accelerator
Speaker 4: and to stop worrying so much about being perfect, because
Speaker 4: I think when I was eighteen, I was really, really,
Speaker 4: really worried about being perfect, and I would have preferred
Speaker 4: to be a certain weight on the scale then, and
Speaker 4: that would have sat in my head at events, at
Speaker 4: dates and at university. I would have hid so much
Speaker 4: about the scale and what it had said that morning.
Speaker 4: And that is not a measure of who you are,
Speaker 4: who your soul is, what you're capable of, how loving
Speaker 4: you are, your energy, how beautiful you are.
Speaker 3: It's nothing. It's literally actually nothing.
Speaker 4: And so take the experiences that mean something and take
Speaker 4: them seriously and get out of your own way.
Speaker 2: I guess it's crazy when you do kind of have
Speaker 2: that epiphany of how much time you've wasted worrying about
Speaker 2: things that I were really really skewed in your head
Speaker 2: and we're not real.
Speaker 1: Like, for example, I look back, like you know.
Speaker 2: In Facebook, memories pop up on Facebook and it's like
Speaker 2: ten years ago, and I just remember being so fixated
Speaker 2: on big thighs, whatever it was. I look back and
Speaker 2: I'm like, shit, I'd killed for that body, and you
Speaker 2: just don't have appreciation in the moment. And I think
Speaker 2: that is a real killer looking back at all the
Speaker 2: time that you spent stupidly worrying and focusing on the
Speaker 2: wrong things.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's just so. And you get a bit older
Speaker 3: and you're just like what.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it Jess gets more and more. You get
Speaker 2: older and older and you're like, hang on, like those
Speaker 2: you're living in your prime.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And now worry is a personal jail cell yeap, yes,
Speaker 4: bars imposed by you, and it's armor to the rest
Speaker 4: of the world. And you're losing so much of your
Speaker 4: freedom from your own mind. And that's why I'm really
Speaker 4: passionate about what I do and that's why I have
Speaker 4: my podcast and what I'm trying to get ahead for
Speaker 4: people is like you can free yourself because it's so
Speaker 4: it seems so silly, but I know how ingrained it
Speaker 4: is to hold yourself back from like love or from
Speaker 4: a beautiful life because you're like, well, I want to
Speaker 4: be five kg's list.
Speaker 2: Yes, I am talking about like just doing it and
Speaker 2: jumping in.
Speaker 1: I love the.
Speaker 2: Idea of just also failing spectacularly, Like we're so scared
Speaker 2: of failure, right, but actually failure it should be a word,
Speaker 2: because even if you do fail or how you perceive
Speaker 2: to fail, you're learning something along the way, and that's
Speaker 2: that's leading you to something else.
Speaker 4: And as long as you know that everything you're every
Speaker 4: step you're taking, it's because you're interested in it.
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter how it lands.
Speaker 4: You know, sometimes something might land and you're like, awesome,
Speaker 4: everyone loved it.
Speaker 3: And then sometimes it doesn't land and you're like, that
Speaker 3: was cool.
Speaker 2: We move on following the nudgers. I like the idea
Speaker 2: of following the nudges. And again that's coming back to
Speaker 2: like tuning into your gut and your intuition and stuff,
Speaker 2: but really learning your in a navigation system and working
Speaker 2: art we truly want to go next. And yeah, it
Speaker 2: might not always work, but at least you're kind of
Speaker 2: being true to yourself.
Speaker 4: Do you have like a great failure that taught you
Speaker 4: and led you to where you are today, Like it
Speaker 4: was part of the kind of puzzle and.
Speaker 2: It always makes sense down the track, Like at the
Speaker 2: time you're like, this fucking sucks, but down the track
Speaker 2: you're like, thank god that didn't work out.
Speaker 1: That was a blessing.
Speaker 2: Well, cass Look, it has just made an absolute honor
Speaker 2: having you on. Today's so nice to get to know
Speaker 2: you a little better. And I'm sure that you're staying
Speaker 2: busy writing more. So hopefully watch this space and more
Speaker 2: to come from cas Grod so much more.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 4: It's been your like the best energy, so much fun
Speaker 4: and so great.
Speaker 3: So it's I'm so excited to be on your podcast.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Cares. That was my chat with
Speaker 2: Cassandra Grog. I say, Cassandra, I called a cass through
Speaker 2: the whole chat.
Speaker 1: Let's just say with cass And as I said.
Speaker 2: Going into the chat, I just love her enthusiastic energy,
Speaker 2: I love her commitment to herself and people may have
Speaker 2: felt overwhelmed listening to her daily routine.
Speaker 1: It's not that you have to go and do that.
Speaker 2: But what I like about what she said is that
Speaker 2: it's showcased their true dedication to yourself, and that looks
Speaker 2: so different for everyone. And if you are, you know,
Speaker 2: a time poor parent and you really struggle to get
Speaker 2: those things, and in the day work out, you know,
Speaker 2: prioritize what it is that you need and then make
Speaker 2: sure that you sched your time for that.
Speaker 1: I say this, do I do it a lot of
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 2: No, But I'm telling you this, so then I remind
Speaker 2: myself to do it. I love the chat around being
Speaker 2: the main character in the story, bringing back that main
Speaker 2: character energy and not just being a pushover and kind
Speaker 2: of going into that autopilot mode where you start doing
Speaker 2: things because others around you are doing it, and then
Speaker 2: you realize, actually, this is just betraying myself. I actually
Speaker 2: don't want to do this isn't the life I want
Speaker 2: to live. So stepping back being really conscious on what
Speaker 2: it is the life that you want to have for yourself.
Speaker 2: And then I loved also the check in, the checking in.
Speaker 1: After certain events, whether it is doing a task for
Speaker 1: work or catching up with a.
Speaker 2: Certain friend, spending time with colleagues, checking in after each event,
Speaker 2: working out hard did that make you feel and going
Speaker 2: into the body, because the body talks and we always
Speaker 2: forget that. And I know it may sound where we're
Speaker 2: going into the resounding yes of the body when you
Speaker 2: feel that, but I think the more in tune we get,
Speaker 2: the more clear those messages become. So they were my
Speaker 2: main takeaways from CASS this week. A real refreshing episode
Speaker 2: and I hope you got something out of it. I
Speaker 2: will be back next Sunday with another episode of Slow
Speaker 2: It Down.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining me.