1 00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:10,453 Speaker 1: You're listening to the Saturday Morning with Jack team podcast 2 00:00:10,573 --> 00:00:11,413 Speaker 1: from News Talks. 3 00:00:11,453 --> 00:00:15,133 Speaker 2: That'd be and Valentine's Day might have passed for twenty 4 00:00:15,173 --> 00:00:20,373 Speaker 2: twenty six, but clinical psychologist Google Sutherland is always thinking 5 00:00:20,373 --> 00:00:23,173 Speaker 2: about love, and he's with us this morning with some 6 00:00:23,293 --> 00:00:23,893 Speaker 2: dating advice. 7 00:00:24,933 --> 00:00:27,653 Speaker 3: Yeah, Kira Jack, I thought I could rename myself for 8 00:00:27,733 --> 00:00:32,013 Speaker 3: today's slots doctor mclovem, so that you know, I could give. 9 00:00:31,853 --> 00:00:35,333 Speaker 2: Out don't just need today's slot, doggle you know that. 10 00:00:35,893 --> 00:00:39,013 Speaker 3: Yeah, I could consider a complete land change, really couldn't. 11 00:00:39,053 --> 00:00:41,413 Speaker 3: I I was interested in this area of kind of 12 00:00:41,413 --> 00:00:45,093 Speaker 3: online dating and meeting because I don't know about you, 13 00:00:45,173 --> 00:00:48,333 Speaker 3: but I've met a number of couples recently, just not 14 00:00:48,333 --> 00:00:52,413 Speaker 3: not professionally, just personally, you know who you know, we've 15 00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,333 Speaker 3: known one of the one of the two or one 16 00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:56,333 Speaker 3: of the peer and they've broken up and got into 17 00:00:56,333 --> 00:00:57,973 Speaker 3: a new relationship, and you go, how did you guys 18 00:00:57,973 --> 00:01:02,533 Speaker 3: meet in this new relationship And they slightly sheepishly say, oh, yeah, 19 00:01:02,573 --> 00:01:05,573 Speaker 3: we kind of meet online. And it's like, oh, and 20 00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:08,413 Speaker 3: it's some I think. Look, I think it's good because, 21 00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,133 Speaker 3: you know, if you think about it out, if you're 22 00:01:12,253 --> 00:01:13,893 Speaker 3: just sort of been in a job for a while, 23 00:01:13,933 --> 00:01:16,213 Speaker 3: and you know, been in sort of your local community 24 00:01:16,253 --> 00:01:18,893 Speaker 3: for a while and you haven't met anybody. It's like, well, 25 00:01:18,893 --> 00:01:23,293 Speaker 3: how do I actually meet somebody? So I think it's 26 00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:26,333 Speaker 3: I think it's obviously it's got its very dark side 27 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:28,053 Speaker 3: and downfalls, but I think it can be a really 28 00:01:28,053 --> 00:01:31,293 Speaker 3: great thing. So I was interested to see this new research. 29 00:01:31,373 --> 00:01:35,133 Speaker 3: So this was this research was about not so much 30 00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:38,213 Speaker 3: sort of meeting on an online dating app and then 31 00:01:38,253 --> 00:01:41,453 Speaker 3: going out. This was about having a first date online. 32 00:01:41,493 --> 00:01:45,613 Speaker 3: You know, so I first, Wow, like a literal online date, 33 00:01:45,933 --> 00:01:49,453 Speaker 3: Like a literal online. 34 00:01:48,373 --> 00:01:51,053 Speaker 2: Online you are having a date online? 35 00:01:51,533 --> 00:01:54,893 Speaker 3: This Yeah, so this is it. We've got our first date. 36 00:01:55,213 --> 00:01:57,693 Speaker 3: And you know, you could conceive of something like that. Hey, 37 00:01:57,733 --> 00:02:01,893 Speaker 3: it's like I'm in Auckland, you're in Wellington, and you know, 38 00:02:03,573 --> 00:02:05,453 Speaker 3: neither of us have got the time or the or 39 00:02:05,493 --> 00:02:09,173 Speaker 3: the or the fun to travel. So let's let let's 40 00:02:09,173 --> 00:02:13,653 Speaker 3: have this first and quote date, you know, online And 41 00:02:13,653 --> 00:02:18,613 Speaker 3: and they surveyed people and this would reflect my kind 42 00:02:18,653 --> 00:02:21,133 Speaker 3: of what I would have thought going in. They surveyed 43 00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:25,093 Speaker 3: people and they found that people thought that an online 44 00:02:25,253 --> 00:02:27,213 Speaker 3: first date, compared to an in person first date, it 45 00:02:27,253 --> 00:02:31,733 Speaker 3: would be shorter, less enjoyable, people would feel less attracted 46 00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:34,213 Speaker 3: to one another and much less chance of a second date. 47 00:02:34,733 --> 00:02:36,693 Speaker 3: And I kind of went, yeah, yeahs that's what it 48 00:02:36,693 --> 00:02:39,813 Speaker 3: makes sense. Yeah yeah, yeah. So then they they actually 49 00:02:39,813 --> 00:02:42,893 Speaker 3: then they looked at people who had an online date 50 00:02:43,693 --> 00:02:46,693 Speaker 3: first date versus people that hadn't in person first date, 51 00:02:47,053 --> 00:02:51,253 Speaker 3: and that, you know, the first prediction was right. Indeed, 52 00:02:51,253 --> 00:02:54,613 Speaker 3: that an online first date was indeed tended to be shorter, 53 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:57,013 Speaker 3: sort of an hour, an hour and a bit compared 54 00:02:57,013 --> 00:02:58,693 Speaker 3: to a couple of hours or three hours if you 55 00:02:58,693 --> 00:03:02,613 Speaker 3: were in person. But apart from that, there was actually 56 00:03:02,613 --> 00:03:07,293 Speaker 3: no real, no real big difference in so people rated 57 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:11,173 Speaker 3: it just as enjoyable. They said that they felt just 58 00:03:11,253 --> 00:03:12,893 Speaker 3: you know, there was no kind of difference in levels 59 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,973 Speaker 3: of attraction depending on whether you were online or in person, 60 00:03:16,293 --> 00:03:19,013 Speaker 3: and there was a slight chance, not a massive one, 61 00:03:19,013 --> 00:03:22,093 Speaker 3: but a slight chance that actually, if you met online 62 00:03:22,173 --> 00:03:24,813 Speaker 3: and an online first date, you are more likely to 63 00:03:24,853 --> 00:03:26,613 Speaker 3: go on a second date than if you met in person. 64 00:03:28,533 --> 00:03:29,813 Speaker 2: I'm surprised by that result. 65 00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:33,293 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, me too. I was like, dow, gosh, 66 00:03:33,293 --> 00:03:36,933 Speaker 3: it's like, really is that? But yeah, so yeah, so 67 00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:39,173 Speaker 3: that was interesting, And then I thought, well, you know 68 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:42,653 Speaker 3: what it was. I was reading another story not long 69 00:03:42,733 --> 00:03:44,773 Speaker 3: after that that talked about you know, how can you 70 00:03:44,893 --> 00:03:48,333 Speaker 3: tell if somebody is really interested in you? Thought, well, 71 00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:52,013 Speaker 3: that'll be relevant for a first date. I mean, this 72 00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:54,733 Speaker 3: is relevant that this sort of this is like a 73 00:03:54,773 --> 00:03:57,493 Speaker 3: micros skill or sort of you know what you might 74 00:03:57,533 --> 00:04:00,373 Speaker 3: crudely call sort of body language. But we don't call 75 00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:02,533 Speaker 3: a body language you've got a psychology because it sounds 76 00:04:02,573 --> 00:04:07,453 Speaker 3: a bit flasher. But you know, so one of the 77 00:04:07,453 --> 00:04:09,493 Speaker 3: sort of micro skills that you can look forward to 78 00:04:09,493 --> 00:04:13,653 Speaker 3: see if people are interested is when you are talking 79 00:04:13,693 --> 00:04:18,653 Speaker 3: to them, how much are they blinking? And if they 80 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:22,693 Speaker 3: are not blinking very much at all, it suggests that 81 00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:26,573 Speaker 3: they are probably quite interested in what you were saying 82 00:04:26,773 --> 00:04:29,533 Speaker 3: to you. And if they're doing lots of obviously, if 83 00:04:29,533 --> 00:04:31,533 Speaker 3: they're looking away, that's a dead give way. But if 84 00:04:31,573 --> 00:04:34,213 Speaker 3: they're looking at you but doing lots of blinking, they're 85 00:04:34,293 --> 00:04:37,173 Speaker 3: probably not as interested in you as if they are 86 00:04:37,293 --> 00:04:39,373 Speaker 3: compared to if they weren't doing a lot of blinking. 87 00:04:40,373 --> 00:04:42,653 Speaker 3: And so that's a nice little tip to look out. 88 00:04:42,693 --> 00:04:46,013 Speaker 3: You know, everybody be staring intently into each other's eyes. 89 00:04:46,733 --> 00:04:48,853 Speaker 3: Are you really blinking? How much do you blink anyway, 90 00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:52,253 Speaker 3: but it's apparently quite a good indicator of how much 91 00:04:52,533 --> 00:04:54,813 Speaker 3: interest there is in the other person. 92 00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:58,893 Speaker 2: See that's funny because I always thought that the more 93 00:04:58,973 --> 00:05:01,813 Speaker 2: you blink, the more nervous you are as well. 94 00:05:03,093 --> 00:05:06,293 Speaker 3: Look, that's a potential confound and I think they can 95 00:05:06,453 --> 00:05:12,973 Speaker 3: rolled for that. The idea here is that blinking interrupts 96 00:05:13,373 --> 00:05:17,253 Speaker 3: the flow of information into our brain. So when you 97 00:05:17,293 --> 00:05:23,213 Speaker 3: are intently interested in something or someone, you tend to, 98 00:05:23,853 --> 00:05:27,253 Speaker 3: perhaps without awenness, suppress the amount of blinking that you do. 99 00:05:27,533 --> 00:05:31,733 Speaker 3: You know, you it's almost like a concentration, and your 100 00:05:32,173 --> 00:05:34,613 Speaker 3: level of blinking reduces because every time you blink, it 101 00:05:34,653 --> 00:05:38,653 Speaker 3: sort of disrupts information flow into the brain. So less 102 00:05:38,653 --> 00:05:41,973 Speaker 3: blinking means there's more information coming. You're absorbing at your intent, 103 00:05:42,373 --> 00:05:44,893 Speaker 3: and it's probably not a it's not a deliberate act 104 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:48,933 Speaker 3: in many times. But and of course you have to, 105 00:05:49,093 --> 00:05:51,893 Speaker 3: especially dating, you have to, you know, take into account 106 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,653 Speaker 3: the fact that people are a bit nervous and you know, 107 00:05:54,773 --> 00:05:56,973 Speaker 3: it's difficult holding eye contact and what do they mean 108 00:05:57,013 --> 00:06:00,173 Speaker 3: by this? But in general, yeah, the less people blink, 109 00:06:00,213 --> 00:06:02,853 Speaker 3: the more interested they are in the speaker and what 110 00:06:02,893 --> 00:06:05,053 Speaker 3: the person's saying. So that you know, if you're having 111 00:06:05,093 --> 00:06:07,413 Speaker 3: an online data or an in person we're just having 112 00:06:07,453 --> 00:06:11,173 Speaker 3: conversations with some watch out for look at their blink rate. 113 00:06:11,213 --> 00:06:13,413 Speaker 3: I mean, you need to get a baseline, but yeah, 114 00:06:13,533 --> 00:06:15,413 Speaker 3: you know, but but yeah, watch out for their blink right, 115 00:06:15,453 --> 00:06:17,933 Speaker 3: if they're continually blinking, they might might you might want 116 00:06:17,973 --> 00:06:21,053 Speaker 3: to be quiet and yeah, and spin the conversation back 117 00:06:21,053 --> 00:06:22,213 Speaker 3: to then that's. 118 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,133 Speaker 2: Very very interesting. So okay, there's a two fascinating little 119 00:06:25,133 --> 00:06:27,493 Speaker 2: piece of advice. It's been a long time since I 120 00:06:27,533 --> 00:06:30,973 Speaker 2: was on the app. Yeah, and when I was on 121 00:06:31,573 --> 00:06:34,013 Speaker 2: and when I was doing that, we we Because first 122 00:06:34,013 --> 00:06:36,173 Speaker 2: of all, I think I feel like the stigma about 123 00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:38,773 Speaker 2: kind of meeting online is just totally you know, there 124 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,573 Speaker 2: was maybe a stigma in like two thousand and one, 125 00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:43,693 Speaker 2: but these days it's a very rational and sensible way 126 00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:48,013 Speaker 2: for people to agree. But I don't recall anyone ever 127 00:06:48,093 --> 00:06:54,853 Speaker 2: saying let's have a chat on zoom or yeah being 128 00:06:54,893 --> 00:06:56,293 Speaker 2: a thing. But maybe that's a bit more of a 129 00:06:56,293 --> 00:06:57,053 Speaker 2: phenomenon now. 130 00:06:57,893 --> 00:07:01,333 Speaker 3: Well, you know, if you think about geographical distance, like 131 00:07:01,413 --> 00:07:03,613 Speaker 3: if you if you're if you're doing dating apps and 132 00:07:03,653 --> 00:07:06,133 Speaker 3: you know, you meet some i mean mistakes that if 133 00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:10,013 Speaker 3: you like, yeah, that's right. Somebody's in Auckland, somebody's in Dunedin. Well, 134 00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,333 Speaker 3: am I really going to fork out? You know, you know, 135 00:07:12,373 --> 00:07:14,893 Speaker 3: several hundred bucks you know for a for a plane 136 00:07:14,933 --> 00:07:16,853 Speaker 3: flight and then accommodation. 137 00:07:16,413 --> 00:07:19,533 Speaker 2: And if you're doing a long distance thing. Absolutely, But 138 00:07:19,533 --> 00:07:21,093 Speaker 2: it's more the thing I'm thinking about is like, if 139 00:07:21,093 --> 00:07:24,293 Speaker 2: you're in the same city and you're you know, because 140 00:07:24,893 --> 00:07:27,253 Speaker 2: I feel like meeting in person. I mean, obviously you're 141 00:07:27,253 --> 00:07:29,053 Speaker 2: gonna want to meet and person at some point, but 142 00:07:29,493 --> 00:07:31,333 Speaker 2: the good thing about meeting in person is I feel 143 00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:33,973 Speaker 2: like I would be leaning on a lot of the 144 00:07:34,533 --> 00:07:38,333 Speaker 2: physical surroundings for the small talk kicking things off. Have 145 00:07:38,373 --> 00:07:40,413 Speaker 2: you been here before? Yeah, they've got a going thing here. 146 00:07:40,453 --> 00:07:43,413 Speaker 2: Yeah I was one, you know, like I kind of 147 00:07:43,773 --> 00:07:46,333 Speaker 2: larm that and it's just you and someone on zoom. 148 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:50,053 Speaker 2: All of a sudden, you got a nice up there. 149 00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:54,413 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's all on blur. I can't see, yeah, exactly. 150 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:54,773 Speaker 1: Yeah. 151 00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,053 Speaker 3: I wonder if that's though, why they're a bit shorter, 152 00:07:57,213 --> 00:08:00,333 Speaker 3: you know, because there's absolutely as much of that small talk. 153 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,893 Speaker 3: But because and again that's why I think the result 154 00:08:02,893 --> 00:08:05,053 Speaker 3: was quite interesting, because it was like, surely it won't 155 00:08:05,053 --> 00:08:07,093 Speaker 3: be as good and people are never second No, it 156 00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:09,733 Speaker 3: wasn't wasn't wasn't true at all. People were just as like, 157 00:08:09,773 --> 00:08:11,973 Speaker 3: if not slightly more likely to have a second date. 158 00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,973 Speaker 3: And the second date might have been in person. That's 159 00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:15,973 Speaker 3: quite good probably if you're if you're a bit socially 160 00:08:16,013 --> 00:08:18,093 Speaker 3: anxious too, you know that you've got a bit more 161 00:08:18,093 --> 00:08:22,813 Speaker 3: control over your environment. You could even see it later. Yeah, yeah, okay, 162 00:08:22,933 --> 00:08:26,613 Speaker 3: the connection my wife I was going down. Sorry, yeah, 163 00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:29,173 Speaker 3: but so you know, that's great use of technology. 164 00:08:29,213 --> 00:08:31,533 Speaker 2: Maybe no, very nice. Hey, thank you so much, really 165 00:08:31,573 --> 00:08:31,973 Speaker 2: good to chat. 166 00:08:32,013 --> 00:08:32,253 Speaker 3: Google. 167 00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:35,293 Speaker 2: There's always do google something from Umbrella Wellbeing or what 168 00:08:35,333 --> 00:08:38,213 Speaker 2: did you call doctor love? He callt himself this one. 169 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,973 Speaker 2: Put that on a business card. 170 00:08:40,973 --> 00:08:44,933 Speaker 1: Google for more From Saturday Morning with Jack Tame, listen 171 00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,813 Speaker 1: live to news talks that'd be from nine am Saturday, 172 00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:50,093 Speaker 1: or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio.