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Speaker 1: You're listening to a podcast from news Talk zed B.

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Speaker 1: Follow this and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about surrogacy. This is on the back of

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Speaker 2: a story by The Wall Street Journal which uncovered in

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Speaker 2: the largely unregulated you with surrogacy industry, wealthy Chinese elites

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Speaker 2: using American mothers to have children.

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Speaker 3: This is interesting from Ryan. When you have all the

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Speaker 3: money in the world, DNA is the next big thing.

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Speaker 3: Happens a lot more than we know. Some already have

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Speaker 3: fifty to one hundred kids. So is that saying that

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Speaker 3: you've got all the money in the world, but there's

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Speaker 3: a sort of immortality part of spreading your DNA around.

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Speaker 2: I suppose it would be so you are.

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Speaker 3: Having a bigger footprint on the world because you know

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Speaker 3: you remain mortal.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've hit the billionaire goal and the next thing

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Speaker 2: is have lots of kids.

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Speaker 3: Dominique, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 4: Hi, thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for giving us a call. So you have a

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Speaker 2: wonderful story. You have a baby on the way via surrogacy.

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Speaker 4: I do. I actually had it. I haven't been listening

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Speaker 4: to the show, but a friend of mine text and

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Speaker 4: was like, Hey, do you talking on the radio? They're

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Speaker 4: looking for someone who is going through surrogacy. So my

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Speaker 4: husband and I am currently expecting a little girl six

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Speaker 4: months away after like a five year journey with IVF,

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Speaker 4: and we are expecting her vias furrogacy, which is very cool.

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Speaker 3: How did you thank you so much for it, for

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Speaker 3: bringing in and thank your friends for getting hold of

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Speaker 3: you for us, this is this is great and great

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Speaker 3: to hear your story. So once you decided to go

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Speaker 3: the sarrogathy surrogacy past, how did you approach that dominique?

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Speaker 4: So in New Zealand, it's quite a complex procedure. It's

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Speaker 4: not something we could just decide. We had to be

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Speaker 4: I guess offered by our medical practitioners. Our like fertility

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Speaker 4: doctors recommended that it might be the only way that

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Speaker 4: it would sort of happen for us. And so you

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Speaker 4: go in front of the New Zealand Ethics Committee to

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Speaker 4: get approval, you've got to have a bit of a

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Speaker 4: history with a fertility clinic of not being able to

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Speaker 4: get pregnant or you know, IVF not working, which we had,

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Speaker 4: and so once we were offered that as an option

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Speaker 4: in New Zealand, it's it's completely altruistic. So we couldn't

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Speaker 4: go to like an agency how they've got in America

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Speaker 4: and offer to pay someone. So I put it on

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Speaker 4: our social media and an old friend of mine reached out.

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Speaker 4: We have been back. We had lots of people reaching

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Speaker 4: out that ultimately went with an old friend, which was

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Speaker 4: amazing because the other problem with the law in New

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Speaker 4: Zealand is that the birth mother is seen as the

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Speaker 4: legal parent, and the birth mother has up until a

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Speaker 4: year after your child is born to change their mind

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Speaker 4: because we have to adopt our baby once she's born.

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Speaker 4: And so yeah, a little bit scary if you get

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Speaker 4: someone that does change their mind, they've got a whole

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Speaker 4: year to decide that.

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Speaker 3: What was the motivation for the old friend to do

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Speaker 3: the surrogacy, because you know, as you were saying, for

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Speaker 3: it's not a it can't be a commercial venture here

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Speaker 3: in New Zealand, it has to be altruistic from the

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Speaker 3: sarg mother.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, look, she is just one of those people that,

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Speaker 4: in fact, when I posted on social media, I knew

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Speaker 4: that she would be someone that would offer because that's

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Speaker 4: just so in her nature. And I mean, I can't

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Speaker 4: understand how anyone, you know, could possibly want to give,

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Speaker 4: Like it's just the biggest gift that you could give someone.

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Speaker 4: And I think that is exactly the reason why she would,

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Speaker 4: you know, want to do it. She's got two little

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Speaker 4: boys of her own, and you know, just said it's

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Speaker 4: something that she had thought about previously, and just like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: just a very very good, amazing kind person.

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Speaker 2: What a wonderful person. So you mentioned before you had

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Speaker 2: the five years of IVF and unfortunately unsuccessful. So the

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Speaker 2: conversation you and your partner had when you were looking

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Speaker 2: at what next, how how did that journey go when

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Speaker 2: you were thinking about surrogacy and looking further into.

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Speaker 4: It, it was I think something neither of us had

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Speaker 4: ever really thought we would be those people that were

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Speaker 4: going down this you know road. It was a huge

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Speaker 4: relief when the doctor suggested that we looked down this

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Speaker 4: past because you know, after like several rounds and so

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Speaker 4: the failures, you just it does start to really like

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Speaker 4: eat away at you. So, yeah, we were both relieved,

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Speaker 4: and thankfully my partner was also very open to the

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Speaker 4: idea of surrogacy. You know, it's it's our DNA, so

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Speaker 4: it's it's still our child, you know, biologically, it's still

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Speaker 4: our child, I think, which was really important for us.

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Speaker 4: You know, I know some people open to adoption that

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Speaker 4: wasn't I mean, I hadn't been considered at that point.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, for us, I think it was really important

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Speaker 4: having a child that was our own DNA.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: Now I mentioned before that commercial surrogacy is illegal in

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Speaker 3: New Zealand, but you are allowed to reimburse the surrogate

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Speaker 3: reasonable expenses. You must feel, you know, the weight of

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Speaker 3: wanting to look after this old friend that's doing this

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Speaker 3: for you. So how are you supporting them in a

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Speaker 3: non commercial way, not paying them, but how you reporting

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Speaker 3: them with their needs and just day to day.

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Speaker 4: Honestly I would I would happily buy her anything she

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Speaker 4: asked for, but she again, she's not the kind of

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Speaker 4: person that is going to do that. That just is

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Speaker 4: so against every bit of who she is. But like

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Speaker 4: I said, she does have two little boys, which very

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Speaker 4: very big into dirt bikes motorcycles, so they've got to

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Speaker 4: they've got to do it. Bikes coming for Christmas from

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Speaker 4: from Santa. Yeah, I'm very excited to see some videos

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Speaker 4: of them receiving early hours of the morning.

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Speaker 3: So just to confirm, because I might have misheard that.

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Speaker 3: So there's the game. Mates are from you and your husband?

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Speaker 3: Is that correct?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, they call it an embryo. I want to get

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Speaker 4: to that stage. Yes, embryos okay, yeah, no no, so yeah,

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Speaker 4: it is our embryo which was transferred and yeah, four

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Speaker 4: months ago.

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Speaker 3: So Dominique, have you have you talked about the birthday?

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Speaker 3: And you know and and and who I guess you

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Speaker 3: know it takes your daughter home after the birth. How

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Speaker 3: that's going to run?

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Speaker 4: So again in New Zealand, you've got a social worker

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Speaker 4: that gets assigned to you the minute you start this process,

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Speaker 4: and we have to ring that social worker the minute

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Speaker 4: my surrogate surrogate goes into labor and they basically prepare

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Speaker 4: start to prepare the documents that will allow you to

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Speaker 4: take your child home straight after birth. So they leave

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Speaker 4: they you're not legally adopting the child that day. That's

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Speaker 4: a six month process that happens six months after birth.

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Speaker 4: But you do get to take your baby home as

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Speaker 4: a I think it's under like a legal guardian it

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Speaker 4: kind of situation.

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Speaker 3: So you and your husband will be there for the birth.

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Speaker 3: You're there, We're well we will so I mean it's

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Speaker 3: to my years.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like quite a daunting thing that you've gone through,

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Speaker 2: a beautiful thing, but adorting thing, and you mentioned your

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Speaker 2: doctor suggested it as a potential. Are there organizations processes

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Speaker 2: in place to guide you through what you need to

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Speaker 2: do to make it as easy as possible.

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Speaker 4: Not really there. So once you kind of get told

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Speaker 4: that this could be an option for you, they panned

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Speaker 4: you like a document stating the steps of like where

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Speaker 4: to next, and then it's on you to find a surrogate,

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Speaker 4: to make contact with all the right people, lawyers, social workers.

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Speaker 4: There isn't an agency who sort of manages it all

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Speaker 4: for you. And so through this process I met several

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Speaker 4: other girls, you know, woman families that have been through similar,

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Speaker 4: you know, a similar process and began to sort of

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Speaker 4: tack off the boxes one by one of you know,

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Speaker 4: finding a social worker, finding a lawyer for myself, finding

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Speaker 4: a lawyer for our surrogate, having to go through the

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Speaker 4: IVF process again, so you know, it was it took

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Speaker 4: me about a year all up, working working my way

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Speaker 4: through that process. And then again you have to put

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Speaker 4: together a large amount of information to get approval by

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Speaker 4: the New Zealand EFS Committee. And one of the hardest

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Speaker 4: parts about surrogacy in New Zealand is obviously finding the surrogate.

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Speaker 4: So unless you know someone who has sort of offered,

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Speaker 4: and it's not a conversation that's often had, you know,

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Speaker 4: around a drink or over the dinner table, it's really

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Speaker 4: tricky and hence the need for us to put it

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Speaker 4: on social media. You know, we didn't really know where

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Speaker 4: to start that conversation. When we posted it, we had

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Speaker 4: an overwhelming response from like our community of people I

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Speaker 4: guess around us. I think maybe like sixteen people responded

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Speaker 4: with genuine interest in helping us, which was mind blowing. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: people shared our you know, our Instagram post over and

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Speaker 4: over again, and you know, thousands of people had seen it,

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Speaker 4: and I began sort of working my way through the

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Speaker 4: messages and then, you know, my friend, my old friend's

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Speaker 4: name popped up, and that was very reassuring because even

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Speaker 4: before so once you start, you get told that you

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Speaker 4: have to know someone for at least six months. So

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Speaker 4: if someone had reached out and it wasn't someone I knew,

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Speaker 4: I needed to know them for six months before I

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Speaker 4: could even sort of start the conversation, which six months

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Speaker 4: is not not a hell of a lot of time

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Speaker 4: to trust somebody with with that, you know, so we

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Speaker 4: were really hopeful that someone we knew already would reach out,

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Speaker 4: which ended up happening.

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Speaker 3: Dominic, thank you so much for talking to us today

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Speaker 3: and thank you being for being so open. It's it's

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Speaker 3: really really interesting. Now you're in the situation where you

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Speaker 3: and your partner are going to be the biological parents.

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Speaker 3: So it's it's very different from adoption and how things

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Speaker 3: go forward. But what kind of relationship do you see

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Speaker 3: the surrogate mother having with your with your daughter going forward?

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Speaker 4: If any, It's definitely will be part of her story.

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Speaker 4: And again it's something that then the counselors that we

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Speaker 4: work through work with, they tell you that it has

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Speaker 4: to be known to that child, like every child has

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Speaker 4: a right to know how they came into this world.

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Speaker 4: So by New Zealand's law, it is actually on us

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Speaker 4: to all to share the information. It's not information we

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Speaker 4: can withhold. So for us, I guess it'll just be

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Speaker 4: it will just be part of her story of how

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Speaker 4: you know, she came to be. I mean, she is

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Speaker 4: an old friend of mine, so I've always had a

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Speaker 4: friendship with her. It's not you know now it's just

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Speaker 4: because yeah, yeah, yeah, so so it's nice. It'll just

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Speaker 4: be continued, you know, and probably change slightly. You know,

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Speaker 4: we'll probably see him more than I did previously.

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Speaker 3: And so you say it's going to be part of

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Speaker 3: your daughter's story. When will let stories start? If you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: They sort of advise you that the minute your chrial

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Speaker 4: starts asking, that's that's a conversation. And there's lots of

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Speaker 4: resources they've given us, like nice books for children, you know,

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Speaker 4: because again like mystarrogate, she's got two little kids who

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Speaker 4: are going to be asking, you know, where this baby

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Speaker 4: is going when the baby arrives and then doesn't come home,

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Speaker 4: you know, so there's there's books around that both for

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Speaker 4: her kids to sort of have an understanding and make

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Speaker 4: the full circle connection, you know, because there are only

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Speaker 4: like six and four.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yes, right, I see. And so are they

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Speaker 3: any concerns from you that you know she's had two

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Speaker 3: boys now having a girl, you know, is there any

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Speaker 3: concerns that you know what I'm asking?

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Speaker 4: Look, I do know what you're asking. I do know

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Speaker 4: there are not Maybe maybe if I didn't know her,

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Speaker 4: like sure that would cross your mind. As her husband

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Speaker 4: said to my husband, you know, like you one thousand

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Speaker 4: percent need to pick up this baby. I did not

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Speaker 4: sign up for another one. So we reassured him that,

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Speaker 4: you know, we will be absolutely taking her home. You know.

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Speaker 4: They didn't want any more children. And actually that's part

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Speaker 4: of the you know, that's part of the process they

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Speaker 4: and they get asked, you know, do you want more kids?

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Speaker 4: The ant has to be not. You can't they can't

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Speaker 4: say yeah, yeah, we kind of do. You know, you

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Speaker 4: probably wouldn't get approved.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Dominique, it's been wonderful to chat with you and

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Speaker 2: so so happy that you've got a beautiful baby on

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Speaker 2: the way in another three months. And can I just say,

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Speaker 2: you know, is knowing the pain of having trouble having children,

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Speaker 2: it's a wonderful thing that has happened to you and

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Speaker 2: your partner. And thank you very much for having a

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Speaker 2: chat with us.

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Speaker 4: Much appreciate it. Guys.

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Speaker 2: Have a great day you too. What a great call

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Speaker 2: from Dominique.

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