WEBVTT - Sara Chatwin: Let your kids be bored 0:00:05.761 --> 0:00:09.721 You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks be. 0:00:29.721 --> 0:00:30.641 And welcome back. 0:00:30.921 --> 0:00:33.001 This is the Parents Quite on the Weekend Collective. 0:00:33.001 --> 0:00:33.641 I'm Tim Beverage. 0:00:33.681 --> 0:00:35.481 By the way, if you miss any of the previous hours, 0:00:35.601 --> 0:00:39.441 we had Calvin Davidson from Coal Logic just chatting about well, 0:00:39.521 --> 0:00:42.961 the upcoming o CR announcement changes are known home ownership 0:00:43.001 --> 0:00:45.281 rates revealed that by the census. But then probably the 0:00:45.601 --> 0:00:49.961 really interesting one is the government underwriting developers and whether 0:00:50.001 --> 0:00:51.481 that will make a difference to our housing stock. But 0:00:51.521 --> 0:00:53.001 you can check that out and also the panel with 0:00:53.041 --> 0:00:55.921 Pete wolf Camp and Joe McCarroll. You can go to 0:00:55.961 --> 0:00:58.761 it wherever you your your podcast and look for the 0:00:58.801 --> 0:01:01.521 week look for the Weekend Collective and away you go. Actually, 0:01:01.521 --> 0:01:03.321 don't go to where I We just got to iHeartRadio. 0:01:03.361 --> 0:01:05.521 That's nice and easy for you. Any wait, now it's 0:01:05.521 --> 0:01:08.081 time for the Parents quae on. My guest is she's 0:01:08.081 --> 0:01:10.241 almost keetting the stage. We needs no introduction, but I 0:01:10.241 --> 0:01:12.921 do like to introduce my guests. She's a psychologist at 0:01:13.001 --> 0:01:16.201 Mind Works and her name is Sarah chap One. 0:01:16.241 --> 0:01:17.561 Hello Sarah, how are you Tim? 0:01:17.681 --> 0:01:17.801 Hi? 0:01:17.961 --> 0:01:19.521 And can I just say to the listeners that you 0:01:19.561 --> 0:01:21.681 were having a wee dance to that intro? 0:01:21.961 --> 0:01:23.041 Are they know that? Now? 0:01:23.161 --> 0:01:23.401 I know? 0:01:23.561 --> 0:01:26.161 And it was very cute, very sweet, lovely heartwarming. 0:01:26.201 --> 0:01:30.721 In fact, let's not overplay that one. I moved a 0:01:30.761 --> 0:01:31.161 little bit. 0:01:32.161 --> 0:01:33.561 It's just as sledge. 0:01:33.201 --> 0:01:34.761 Isn't it? I think? Isn't it? Where our family? I 0:01:34.761 --> 0:01:35.081 don't know? 0:01:35.281 --> 0:01:39.001 Anyway, Hello, now what we're going to talk about. We 0:01:39.001 --> 0:01:40.361 want your calls on know E one hundred and eighty 0:01:40.361 --> 0:01:44.601 ten eighty or text nine to nine two. Is the 0:01:44.641 --> 0:01:47.801 school holiday thing? And just the really simple question that 0:01:47.801 --> 0:01:50.601 I think a lot of parents go through is and 0:01:50.641 --> 0:01:52.201 a lot of parents work so that all of a 0:01:52.201 --> 0:01:54.241 sudden maybe they're taking some time to spend time with 0:01:54.281 --> 0:01:55.881 their kids or I don't know whether they can, or 0:01:55.961 --> 0:01:58.401 they've got to keep working through. But this idea that 0:01:58.441 --> 0:02:01.401 you've got to keep your kids entertained all the time 0:02:01.481 --> 0:02:03.881 or stimulated. Like of course, when they go to school, 0:02:03.881 --> 0:02:05.321 you don't worry about that because they gain from. 0:02:05.201 --> 0:02:07.201 Class to class and they're learning this and that. But 0:02:07.241 --> 0:02:07.641 when at. 0:02:07.561 --> 0:02:11.561 School holiday time and kids, I mean, perhaps it's also 0:02:11.921 --> 0:02:14.841 modern parenting that sometimes you just have to find things 0:02:14.841 --> 0:02:17.201 for them to do because you're still at work but 0:02:17.281 --> 0:02:20.401 I do think it's it's a temptation almost. Is it 0:02:20.481 --> 0:02:23.921 driven by guilt almost or what that you feel you've 0:02:23.961 --> 0:02:27.001 got to provide your kids with stimulations something all the time, 0:02:27.001 --> 0:02:29.441 as opposed to, yeah, you know, just send them out 0:02:29.441 --> 0:02:31.201 into the garden with a ball and see what happens. 0:02:31.281 --> 0:02:33.481 Well, I like that latter one. I do think that 0:02:33.561 --> 0:02:36.041 for some parents there is a feeling of pressure that 0:02:36.081 --> 0:02:39.081 they have to, you know, provide the stimulation and be 0:02:39.161 --> 0:02:44.001 doing things and keep kids active physically mentally. I guess 0:02:44.001 --> 0:02:47.241 I'm a little bit og on the whole thing. Well, 0:02:47.281 --> 0:02:49.601 you know, originally I kind of like the concept of 0:02:49.681 --> 0:02:52.361 allowing them to rest. So I'm a bit of an 0:02:52.361 --> 0:02:56.121 old schooler. I like the holidays to have some component 0:02:56.201 --> 0:02:59.921 of rest associated with, you know, the break from school, 0:02:59.921 --> 0:03:02.001 because you know, these kids have a lot going on, 0:03:02.361 --> 0:03:04.401 and more so today with social media and all of 0:03:04.401 --> 0:03:07.281 that stuff that perhaps you, Timmy and I didn't have 0:03:07.321 --> 0:03:08.481 so much of a now day. 0:03:09.321 --> 0:03:12.601 And well, I have this memory come back that oh, 0:03:12.681 --> 0:03:14.841 by the way, I forgot what OG is, but it's original. 0:03:14.881 --> 0:03:15.881 Basically, it's old school. 0:03:16.001 --> 0:03:19.161 How unhipp is that for me to not to have 0:03:19.161 --> 0:03:20.281 forgotten what OG means? 0:03:20.281 --> 0:03:22.001 Well, it seems a little good old og. 0:03:23.161 --> 0:03:25.721 Is og still a thing expression for you? 0:03:25.881 --> 0:03:27.321 Are you saying I'm a bit out of touch with 0:03:27.401 --> 0:03:30.721 mentioning og? No? I think og is still pretty pretty good. 0:03:30.801 --> 0:03:32.961 You can use it. It's modern Dave Vernacula. 0:03:32.641 --> 0:03:34.761 Okay o, G Yeah, And I sort of had the 0:03:35.841 --> 0:03:39.161 here and there. But because I just you know, look 0:03:39.201 --> 0:03:42.401 back to my school holidays. I think we just I 0:03:42.521 --> 0:03:45.641 just generally amused yourself or something unless you were going 0:03:45.641 --> 0:03:46.241 on holiday. 0:03:46.401 --> 0:03:48.681 I think that's great and I and I wish that 0:03:48.761 --> 0:03:51.801 more parents would, you know, enable their children to lean 0:03:51.841 --> 0:03:54.241 into green space and to go out in the backyard 0:03:54.241 --> 0:03:56.241 and all the rest of it. But today there are 0:03:56.241 --> 0:03:58.561 other things that play. You have social media, and as 0:03:58.601 --> 0:04:01.161 you mentioned before, there are parents. They're working, so it's 0:04:01.201 --> 0:04:03.361 a really busy time. It's hard to manage that. So 0:04:04.081 --> 0:04:06.201 for some kids, you know, you get to the holiday 0:04:06.241 --> 0:04:09.161 and there are holiday programs because mum and dad are 0:04:09.201 --> 0:04:09.481 tied out. 0:04:09.561 --> 0:04:11.521 And that's a reality of being a moten parent. 0:04:11.481 --> 0:04:14.601 That is. And I mean, the holiday programs are great, 0:04:14.641 --> 0:04:16.921 some of them are wonderful. But I also think that 0:04:16.961 --> 0:04:19.161 we need to be mindful of the fact that, you know, 0:04:19.241 --> 0:04:22.201 kids do need to break they need a rest. They 0:04:22.201 --> 0:04:24.641 don't need to be stimulated, you know, with regard to 0:04:24.641 --> 0:04:26.121 maths and reading and all the rest of it. In 0:04:26.161 --> 0:04:29.241 their holiday, perhaps doing other stuff that's you know, not 0:04:29.481 --> 0:04:33.681 so mentally and physically taxing, but just getting out there, 0:04:33.681 --> 0:04:35.281 getting amongst it. I mean, we had a lovely day 0:04:35.281 --> 0:04:37.281 in Auckland and I think around the country today, did 0:04:37.321 --> 0:04:37.881 you do What. 0:04:37.841 --> 0:04:39.641 Did you do in your school holidays when you were 0:04:39.801 --> 0:04:43.441 you know, mumming and working, No, when you were a child. 0:04:43.441 --> 0:04:45.881 When I was a child, oh no, I did. I 0:04:45.921 --> 0:04:48.001 amuse myself a bit, you know, out in the backyard, 0:04:48.161 --> 0:04:52.601 did some sports, hung around with friends. Mum would encourage 0:04:52.641 --> 0:04:57.441 outside activity, you know, a bit of definitely play, drawing art, 0:04:57.481 --> 0:04:59.321 you know, a little bit of TV here and there. 0:04:59.321 --> 0:05:02.281 But of course, you know, social media just wasn't the deal. 0:05:02.601 --> 0:05:05.241 And I'm not talking about when dinosaurs walk the earth him. 0:05:05.241 --> 0:05:07.921 If you're going to make comments inviting you. 0:05:08.241 --> 0:05:11.281 Invited your own insults, not at all. But I was 0:05:12.161 --> 0:05:14.801 thinking of the differences between the environment that kids have, 0:05:16.601 --> 0:05:19.721 the environment that kids have maybe lets in the larger 0:05:19.801 --> 0:05:22.241 centers anyway, is that when I grew up, I grew 0:05:22.321 --> 0:05:24.801 up in rod and we lived on we literally had 0:05:24.841 --> 0:05:27.921 two sections. In one section, my dad had a vegetable 0:05:27.921 --> 0:05:30.201 garden and we had apple, an app a couple of 0:05:30.241 --> 0:05:33.161 apple trees, a plump, a couple of plumb trees. I 0:05:33.201 --> 0:05:35.681 mean literally we'd be climbing trees and picking fruit and 0:05:35.721 --> 0:05:37.601 just I don't know, mowing the lawn and kicking the 0:05:37.681 --> 0:05:40.681 rugby ball around at home. Yes, whereas these days kids, 0:05:42.081 --> 0:05:46.921 most children have a much smaller, much smaller land print. 0:05:47.201 --> 0:05:49.641 What's the expression, But there's more less room to plan 0:05:50.001 --> 0:05:51.481 unless they go down. 0:05:51.361 --> 0:05:51.761 To the park. 0:05:52.001 --> 0:05:54.281 The landscape is a little more narrow and yeah, but 0:05:54.361 --> 0:05:57.161 there are lovely parks around, and there are lovely walks. 0:05:57.161 --> 0:05:59.361 But parents also have to be a little bit vigilant of, 0:05:59.721 --> 0:06:01.561 you know, just sending kids to those places. 0:06:01.601 --> 0:06:03.521 That's what I mean, as opposed to just go out 0:06:03.521 --> 0:06:06.721 in the backyard, job done and before you know, you're 0:06:07.001 --> 0:06:09.561 you know, banging nails into something or you. 0:06:09.481 --> 0:06:12.681 Know, except that, you know, there's there's nothing wrong with 0:06:12.801 --> 0:06:16.041 kicking a ball around or having a few little things 0:06:16.081 --> 0:06:18.361 that kids can do, you know, buckets and spades and 0:06:18.401 --> 0:06:20.961 also you mentioned gardening stuff like that, you know, walking around. 0:06:21.641 --> 0:06:25.841 I think today with parents working, they tend to organize outings, 0:06:25.881 --> 0:06:27.601 because then they can put a bit of a plan 0:06:27.681 --> 0:06:29.961 in place so that kids get a little bit of 0:06:29.961 --> 0:06:33.961 those after school kind of adventures and classes and that 0:06:34.041 --> 0:06:36.401 kind of format, as well as time with their parents. 0:06:37.561 --> 0:06:40.161 In terms of activities, it might even be a visit 0:06:40.201 --> 0:06:43.081 to the museum, an art gallery, you know, something like that. 0:06:43.241 --> 0:06:44.721 I think that sort of stuff is good. 0:06:44.761 --> 0:06:46.961 You know, Sorry, my phone's just gone off because I 0:06:47.001 --> 0:06:47.641 forgot to mute it. 0:06:47.641 --> 0:06:48.361 Sorry people if. 0:06:48.241 --> 0:06:55.361 You radio, yes, radio, because you know, if you're listening 0:06:55.361 --> 0:06:57.601 with your parent and you reckon, you've got you've worked 0:06:57.601 --> 0:06:59.961 it out with your kids. I mean, how did you 0:07:00.001 --> 0:07:03.001 go about just making your own decisions around how much 0:07:03.041 --> 0:07:05.001 stimulation to provide your kid. Did you feel a real 0:07:05.161 --> 0:07:07.681 responsibility that I've just got to fill every second of 0:07:07.721 --> 0:07:09.401 the day for them, or do you actually sort of 0:07:10.721 --> 0:07:13.041 trust them to for their brains to kick in and 0:07:13.041 --> 0:07:16.401 find their own amusement. And you see, the temptation for 0:07:16.441 --> 0:07:18.401 a lot of parents is like can I use my 0:07:18.401 --> 0:07:21.241 phone for a bit mum, dad? And here you go 0:07:21.361 --> 0:07:23.401 and five hours have gone, are you still on your phone? 0:07:23.561 --> 0:07:25.681 Well that's not only in the holidays though, I mean, 0:07:25.721 --> 0:07:27.601 as parents we do have to have a look at 0:07:27.641 --> 0:07:31.481 you know, the device time, and that's a completely separate issue. 0:07:31.481 --> 0:07:35.361 But yeah, I think parents shouldn't feel the guilt and 0:07:35.401 --> 0:07:39.201 they shouldn't feel the pressure to be doing something every 0:07:39.361 --> 0:07:42.921 moment of that, you know, during that holiday time, because 0:07:43.001 --> 0:07:45.201 kids just need to reset. It's a little bit of 0:07:45.241 --> 0:07:47.441 a reset from one term to the next. They need 0:07:47.481 --> 0:07:51.161 to rejuvenate, just let themselves be and do that kind 0:07:51.161 --> 0:07:53.001 of stuff that you know feeds the soul. 0:07:53.521 --> 0:07:54.561 So we want to have from you on r. 0:07:54.561 --> 0:07:56.921 Eight hundred and eighty, ten and eighty. Actually the simple 0:07:57.001 --> 0:08:01.321 question is do you feel the need to constantly entertain 0:08:02.001 --> 0:08:04.361 or fine stimulation. 0:08:03.881 --> 0:08:04.561 For your kids? 0:08:05.561 --> 0:08:07.521 Have you got have you got a good balance there? 0:08:07.521 --> 0:08:08.641 They actually find that, you know it. 0:08:08.801 --> 0:08:10.161 Just give them a little bit of time and they 0:08:10.201 --> 0:08:11.761 might say they're bored for a bit, but believe it 0:08:11.841 --> 0:08:14.201 or not, their brains will actually finally find something to 0:08:14.241 --> 0:08:18.081 amuse themselves with. School holiday dilemma for every family, I 0:08:18.081 --> 0:08:20.641 would say, should you allow your kids to be bored? 0:08:20.801 --> 0:08:24.241 And when would you provide them with something as a distraction? 0:08:24.441 --> 0:08:26.641 What's the balance for you? Love to have your cause 0:08:26.681 --> 0:08:29.241 on eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. You can also 0:08:29.401 --> 0:08:32.081 text on nine two nine two and we'll be back 0:08:32.121 --> 0:08:32.601 in just a moment. 0:08:32.681 --> 0:08:33.321 This is News Talks. 0:08:33.521 --> 0:08:35.161 Be My guest is Sarah Chapman. By the way, she's 0:08:35.161 --> 0:08:37.521 a psychologist. She knows a bit about the stuff. So 0:08:37.881 --> 0:08:39.801 that's that's what we've got her in, of course, isn't it. 0:08:40.041 --> 0:08:41.121 I hope that what makes sense? 0:08:41.641 --> 0:08:42.801 Good good. I just wanted to check that. 0:08:42.921 --> 0:08:44.761 Imagine if you were like, I'm just making it up. 0:08:45.321 --> 0:08:47.001 I'm just somebody who've walked in off the street. 0:08:47.161 --> 0:09:13.041 That's right, quarter past five News Talks, he'd be welcome 0:09:13.041 --> 0:09:14.841 back to the parents quite I'm Tim Beverage, my guest 0:09:14.881 --> 0:09:17.881 to Sarah chat One, and she's a psychologist at Mind Works, 0:09:18.241 --> 0:09:20.721 and we're talking about just entertaining your kids throughout the 0:09:20.721 --> 0:09:22.441 course of the holiday. But there's a thing where we're 0:09:22.521 --> 0:09:28.121 just talking about in the break Sarah about well there 0:09:28.201 --> 0:09:30.921 was a bit of a divide there, but parents who 0:09:30.921 --> 0:09:32.681 feel guilty or something You've had contrast. 0:09:33.161 --> 0:09:35.841 I had a little text from somebody who said that 0:09:35.921 --> 0:09:40.041 they do feel guilt about providing stimulation, but not necessarily 0:09:40.121 --> 0:09:42.121 in the way that we were speaking in terms of 0:09:42.361 --> 0:09:44.561 none of their kids' friends are in the country at 0:09:44.561 --> 0:09:46.481 the moment. They've all gone on overseas trips and this 0:09:46.561 --> 0:09:51.041 parent is going, wow, you know, if only I wish, 0:09:51.281 --> 0:09:54.241 And so you know, there are people that use a 0:09:54.281 --> 0:09:57.641 holiday to go overseas now that we're post COVID, and 0:09:57.681 --> 0:10:00.921 that also puts a little layer of pressure on parents 0:10:00.961 --> 0:10:03.721 to perhaps step up to that. You know, I don't 0:10:03.721 --> 0:10:05.521 feel that, and I don't think people shoul feel that, 0:10:05.521 --> 0:10:08.721 because it's a very individual decision as to what you 0:10:08.801 --> 0:10:12.481 do with your children as parents. Texts of the Destiny. 0:10:12.601 --> 0:10:14.041 I think there is quite a big gap in New 0:10:14.121 --> 0:10:18.081 Zealand society in terms of, you know, with people who 0:10:18.081 --> 0:10:20.801 can't afford to do it, because actually, you know, if 0:10:20.801 --> 0:10:22.681 you can afford to take your kids on a overseas 0:10:22.721 --> 0:10:25.281 holiday every year or two, then you would have to 0:10:25.281 --> 0:10:28.001 be on a and own a house and you know, 0:10:28.121 --> 0:10:29.881 be able to deal with the mortgage and things like that. 0:10:29.921 --> 0:10:33.241 You either you or you and your partner need to 0:10:33.241 --> 0:10:35.281 earn a that's a lot of money. 0:10:35.281 --> 0:10:38.401 It's a big ask, and so many families can't be 0:10:39.041 --> 0:10:41.041 all over that kind of situation. So I would say 0:10:41.041 --> 0:10:44.881 to the person that text, and don't be pressured. Don't 0:10:44.881 --> 0:10:48.641 feel pressured by that kind of you know that that 0:10:48.881 --> 0:10:52.481 raising that to that bar because you would be amongst 0:10:52.521 --> 0:10:54.841 a big group that just haven't got those kind of 0:10:55.001 --> 0:10:58.041 situations at the forefront. And you know, I think it's 0:10:58.041 --> 0:11:01.481 okay to enjoy our country, particularly at this time of 0:11:01.481 --> 0:11:04.281 the year when we're coming into such lovely times and 0:11:04.361 --> 0:11:06.681 there are plenty of things to do with your children 0:11:06.961 --> 0:11:07.921 during holiday times. 0:11:08.561 --> 0:11:10.841 Yeah, well, look, we're very lucky we had we did. 0:11:11.041 --> 0:11:13.681 We actually were one of those families once in a lifetime. 0:11:13.801 --> 0:11:15.801 Hopefully it'll be more than once in a lifetime. Luckyly 0:11:15.881 --> 0:11:16.321 twice in. 0:11:16.321 --> 0:11:19.081 Two years my way. But I bought my lotto ticket. 0:11:19.121 --> 0:11:22.841 But we had a skiing holiday overseas in Europe which 0:11:22.921 --> 0:11:25.561 was absolutely magnificent. But then again we also I've got 0:11:25.721 --> 0:11:28.081 really really you know when you've had a good holiday, 0:11:28.121 --> 0:11:30.961 because your memory of it remains strong. Yeah, there are 0:11:30.961 --> 0:11:33.881 holidays I've had where I remember vaguely, but you have a. 0:11:33.881 --> 0:11:35.441 Very clear image of what we're done. 0:11:35.441 --> 0:11:38.041 On that holiday, we did Dusty Sound and we went 0:11:38.081 --> 0:11:41.041 down to Tiano, and I just it was such a 0:11:41.081 --> 0:11:43.841 fantastic holiday because it was different and you because there 0:11:43.881 --> 0:11:47.401 was something about there was even just the question around holidays. 0:11:47.401 --> 0:11:50.041 But I'm getting off the track here, But because as 0:11:50.041 --> 0:11:50.721 a psychologist. 0:11:50.801 --> 0:11:52.281 I wanted to just ask about. 0:11:52.281 --> 0:11:55.641 When you it's just the way brains need to evolve 0:11:55.681 --> 0:11:57.401 as well. And if you're trying to fill in the 0:11:57.481 --> 0:11:59.361 gaps all the time for your kids. 0:11:59.521 --> 0:12:01.561 Are you making them in need of that? Are you 0:12:01.601 --> 0:12:02.561 making them weedy? 0:12:02.841 --> 0:12:05.921 And intuitively, I would think yes, because it's a bit 0:12:06.041 --> 0:12:10.841 like if you create a vacuum, in other words, you 0:12:10.881 --> 0:12:14.121 don't give the kids that stimulation, then it will get 0:12:14.241 --> 0:12:16.841 Their brains will find a way of filling that in. 0:12:17.081 --> 0:12:20.321 And I wonder if it stifles creativity and just normal 0:12:20.881 --> 0:12:24.481 mental development if you're constantly here's the new thing that 0:12:24.561 --> 0:12:26.801 you know, here's the new game, here's the new video game, 0:12:26.841 --> 0:12:28.921 this or that, to fill your minds in as opposed 0:12:28.961 --> 0:12:30.921 to I don't know, just. 0:12:31.201 --> 0:12:34.561 Well, I mean, there is overstimulation syndrome, so you know, 0:12:34.601 --> 0:12:36.881 those are the words around that kind of feeling, and 0:12:36.961 --> 0:12:41.041 that is when kids, you know, can become increasingly anxious 0:12:42.161 --> 0:12:44.881 and very very het up because they are not being 0:12:44.921 --> 0:12:48.961 stimulated to a very high level all the time, because 0:12:49.001 --> 0:12:52.521 the parents in effect have set up a structure whereby 0:12:52.601 --> 0:12:57.121 the kids are needing that constant input. So I don't 0:12:57.321 --> 0:13:00.041 think that that's necessarily good for anyone for example, the 0:13:00.241 --> 0:13:03.281 parents are just overwhelmed and often exhausted by it, and 0:13:03.321 --> 0:13:07.401 the children similarly. But also there's a need that's created 0:13:07.481 --> 0:13:10.921 there and you know, hence you end up with a 0:13:10.961 --> 0:13:12.961 highly anxious child sometimes. 0:13:13.121 --> 0:13:13.321 Yeah. 0:13:13.441 --> 0:13:16.001 Actually, we've got a message it from Stu, who's a 0:13:16.001 --> 0:13:19.241 school principle, and I think he puts the issue quite 0:13:19.321 --> 0:13:22.201 nice and cleanly. He said, kids, he said, you could 0:13:22.401 --> 0:13:24.441 disagree with this or not, but he said, kids need 0:13:24.481 --> 0:13:27.921 to be bored and life is not a constant excitement package. 0:13:28.121 --> 0:13:30.241 They can be their most creative. This is what made 0:13:30.241 --> 0:13:32.281 me ask about that. Actually, they can be their most 0:13:32.321 --> 0:13:36.081 creative when they need to make or create something, and 0:13:36.161 --> 0:13:36.961 school is not. 0:13:36.881 --> 0:13:39.121 A school is not an excitement machine either. 0:13:40.161 --> 0:13:43.121 I love that. Yeah, but I and I think you know, 0:13:43.241 --> 0:13:47.041 he's speaking to a good pause, a bit of a reset, 0:13:47.161 --> 0:13:51.721 a nice break can have some you know, beneficial implications 0:13:51.721 --> 0:13:54.641 for children, but also for parents. I mean, I was 0:13:54.641 --> 0:13:56.281 talking to a parent the other day who was just 0:13:56.401 --> 0:14:02.081 having a really nice time being around her children in 0:14:02.161 --> 0:14:04.641 the home during the first week of the holidays, because 0:14:04.641 --> 0:14:07.601 they were just close. It wasn't like they all got 0:14:07.681 --> 0:14:10.121 up at you know, seven o'clock to be it's good 0:14:10.121 --> 0:14:12.041 way ASU eighte thirty and then she goes off. She 0:14:12.161 --> 0:14:15.881 was just enjoying that proximity, that closeness and just being 0:14:15.881 --> 0:14:18.281 able to, you know, go for a walk with the kids. 0:14:18.521 --> 0:14:21.121 I quite like that, just hanging out without the sense 0:14:21.201 --> 0:14:22.601 that we've I. 0:14:22.481 --> 0:14:24.881 Think that's that there are deadlines or time frames. 0:14:25.001 --> 0:14:26.321 We've got to do this or we have to do that. 0:14:26.401 --> 0:14:29.121 I think just to go. I mean, I've got some things. 0:14:29.161 --> 0:14:31.641 I'm going to be having a few days off, and 0:14:31.681 --> 0:14:32.961 we're in the middle of doing a whole lot of 0:14:32.961 --> 0:14:35.361 DIY stuff. But I was thinking, oh, well, I might 0:14:35.441 --> 0:14:37.041 just I've actually mentioned him, my girls, you want to 0:14:37.041 --> 0:14:38.721 help me putty a few holes and get. 0:14:38.681 --> 0:14:41.521 Rid of but dad, well, funny things, labor. 0:14:41.641 --> 0:14:43.481 It's the stuff that I used to love doing if 0:14:43.521 --> 0:14:46.481 I was you know, when if the builder came around, 0:14:47.961 --> 0:14:49.361 I was the right hand man. 0:14:49.401 --> 0:14:51.521 Really, it's probably had a little tool belt on and 0:14:53.001 --> 0:14:54.481 out to find something to do. 0:14:54.841 --> 0:14:57.681 It's lovely, I mean, because kids take forever to do something. 0:14:57.521 --> 0:15:00.721 Anyway, But that's okay. Those are the things that we've 0:15:00.801 --> 0:15:03.961 kind of lost in terms of the you know, social 0:15:04.001 --> 0:15:07.401 media that's crept and device use and all of those 0:15:07.481 --> 0:15:09.521 things that have crept into the children's repertoire of. 0:15:09.921 --> 0:15:11.801 The constant need for them to check their messages and 0:15:11.841 --> 0:15:14.601 things as well, and that and that is a difficult 0:15:14.641 --> 0:15:17.241 one because it's sort of like, can you just you 0:15:17.281 --> 0:15:18.801 know your friend's still going to be And I know 0:15:18.841 --> 0:15:20.561 there's that social pressure that I have somebod who sent 0:15:20.601 --> 0:15:22.401 me a message, I need to check see if they've replied, 0:15:23.201 --> 0:15:24.961 And I guess as adults we do that, but also 0:15:25.001 --> 0:15:26.441 I quite like put them a phone down and going 0:15:26.481 --> 0:15:27.601 it doesn't exist for a little bit. 0:15:27.641 --> 0:15:29.721 But I mean, we've talked about this before, and there 0:15:29.801 --> 0:15:32.841 need to be checks and balances in place. And remember him, 0:15:33.161 --> 0:15:36.081 as a parent, you don't need to be your children's 0:15:36.121 --> 0:15:39.001 friend because at some point in the parenting experience you 0:15:39.041 --> 0:15:42.401 will have to make some hard and very unpopular decisions, 0:15:43.081 --> 0:15:45.441 and you know, put things in place that mean that 0:15:45.921 --> 0:15:48.441 you know, friendship and contact is minimized a little bit 0:15:48.481 --> 0:15:51.721 while you actually enjoy the quality of a parent child relationship. 0:15:51.921 --> 0:15:54.241 Do you think kids get to sleep in as much 0:15:54.281 --> 0:15:56.041 as I might and my me and my brothers might 0:15:56.081 --> 0:15:57.881 have been able to because no, I don't think somebody 0:15:57.881 --> 0:16:00.001 has also sented to message saying hi Tim, I reckon. 0:16:00.041 --> 0:16:03.121 Some of our teams should be able to sleep in 0:16:03.121 --> 0:16:05.401 in the holidays. This is when their major bones growing 0:16:05.401 --> 0:16:07.521 and need stillness for this to happen, and have a 0:16:07.561 --> 0:16:09.361 rest for their brains to have a sleep from all 0:16:09.401 --> 0:16:11.281 that stimulation, which can be overwhelming. 0:16:11.761 --> 0:16:13.361 I'm right, and I'm right on us. 0:16:13.441 --> 0:16:15.681 I love that that well, that is an ogy kind 0:16:15.681 --> 0:16:18.521 of attitude as well. I mean, that is allowing a child, 0:16:19.201 --> 0:16:23.041 you're so I wrote that is allowing you know, a teenager, 0:16:23.121 --> 0:16:27.441 a child to just, you know, disconnect. I mean, we 0:16:27.561 --> 0:16:30.361 love a level of connection, but I'm not so sure 0:16:30.401 --> 0:16:33.441 that we love so much social media connection. I like 0:16:33.521 --> 0:16:36.041 face to face connection. I like catching up with people, 0:16:36.081 --> 0:16:38.481 and children need to know that that is an option 0:16:38.521 --> 0:16:43.201 to but also rest, relaxing, just chilling out. That gives 0:16:43.361 --> 0:16:45.641 a child, you know, space to figure things out and 0:16:45.681 --> 0:16:46.441 work things through. 0:16:46.601 --> 0:16:48.801 I wonder if we've if our attitude to this is 0:16:49.841 --> 0:16:53.041 changed in a not so good way that we as 0:16:53.281 --> 0:16:55.841 a society or so. I don't want to sound all 0:16:55.921 --> 0:16:57.681 leuctury by the way, I know we a society. It 0:16:57.681 --> 0:17:00.041 sounds like I'm at the pulpit, But what I mean 0:17:00.121 --> 0:17:03.201 is that we've evolved in a way that we almost 0:17:03.241 --> 0:17:06.441 feel that doing nothing as lazy as opposed to actually, 0:17:06.481 --> 0:17:08.081 guess what, it's just relaxing. 0:17:08.521 --> 0:17:08.721 Oh. 0:17:08.801 --> 0:17:11.121 I definitely think that there would be sudden. 0:17:11.041 --> 0:17:13.481 There's an undercurrent of yeah, what else should I be 0:17:13.481 --> 0:17:14.601 doing with my time right now? 0:17:15.161 --> 0:17:18.001 But I also think there's another thing that kicks into play, 0:17:18.081 --> 0:17:22.161 it comes into play, which is that, because of parental guilt, 0:17:22.561 --> 0:17:26.481 they try to stack and you know, put so much 0:17:26.601 --> 0:17:29.081 in a day so that they feel like they're really 0:17:29.121 --> 0:17:32.481 engaging with their children. Often what that leaves is a 0:17:32.521 --> 0:17:35.321 parent who isn't engaging with their children, but they're sending 0:17:35.321 --> 0:17:37.561 them places or you know, they're throwing them into a 0:17:37.561 --> 0:17:40.481 situation where they're just following behind their children. So you've 0:17:40.481 --> 0:17:42.961 got to create a balance. And I mean it's moderation, 0:17:43.081 --> 0:17:46.921 isn't it. Moderation in all things gives you a really 0:17:46.961 --> 0:17:49.361 good outcome. So you know, a little bit of social media, 0:17:49.521 --> 0:17:52.241 a little bit of outside time, bit of parent child time, 0:17:52.321 --> 0:17:54.521 bit of friend time. I mean, if you can get 0:17:54.521 --> 0:17:57.881 a really nice balance in all of those areas during 0:17:57.881 --> 0:18:00.001 a holiday, I think you've really achieved. I mean that's 0:18:00.001 --> 0:18:00.481 a big tick. 0:18:00.881 --> 0:18:01.201 Yeah. 0:18:01.441 --> 0:18:03.521 Another one says, I mean this is more of a statement. 0:18:03.561 --> 0:18:04.961 We can either agree with it. I think we're pulling 0:18:05.241 --> 0:18:07.441 agree with it. A problem we find with some children 0:18:07.441 --> 0:18:10.601 at school is obviously from a I imagine from a teacher, 0:18:11.441 --> 0:18:14.521 is that they have been so and they've been stimulated 0:18:14.601 --> 0:18:18.041 and overmanaged at home, and then when they're asked to 0:18:18.121 --> 0:18:20.721