Speaker 1: You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks be.
Speaker 2: And welcome back.
Speaker 1: This is the Parents Quite on the Weekend Collective.
Speaker 2: I'm Tim Beverage.
Speaker 1: By the way, if you miss any of the previous hours,
Speaker 1: we had Calvin Davidson from Coal Logic just chatting about well,
Speaker 1: the upcoming o CR announcement changes are known home ownership
Speaker 1: rates revealed that by the census. But then probably the
Speaker 1: really interesting one is the government underwriting developers and whether
Speaker 1: that will make a difference to our housing stock. But
Speaker 1: you can check that out and also the panel with
Speaker 1: Pete wolf Camp and Joe McCarroll. You can go to
Speaker 1: it wherever you your your podcast and look for the
Speaker 1: week look for the Weekend Collective and away you go. Actually,
Speaker 1: don't go to where I We just got to iHeartRadio.
Speaker 1: That's nice and easy for you. Any wait, now it's
Speaker 1: time for the Parents quae on. My guest is she's
Speaker 1: almost keetting the stage. We needs no introduction, but I
Speaker 1: do like to introduce my guests. She's a psychologist at
Speaker 1: Mind Works and her name is Sarah chap One.
Speaker 2: Hello Sarah, how are you Tim?
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 3: And can I just say to the listeners that you
Speaker 3: were having a wee dance to that intro?
Speaker 2: Are they know that? Now?
Speaker 4: I know?
Speaker 3: And it was very cute, very sweet, lovely heartwarming.
Speaker 2: In fact, let's not overplay that one. I moved a
Speaker 2: little bit.
Speaker 1: It's just as sledge.
Speaker 2: Isn't it? I think? Isn't it? Where our family? I
Speaker 2: don't know?
Speaker 1: Anyway, Hello, now what we're going to talk about. We
Speaker 1: want your calls on know E one hundred and eighty
Speaker 1: ten eighty or text nine to nine two. Is the
Speaker 1: school holiday thing? And just the really simple question that
Speaker 1: I think a lot of parents go through is and
Speaker 1: a lot of parents work so that all of a
Speaker 1: sudden maybe they're taking some time to spend time with
Speaker 1: their kids or I don't know whether they can, or
Speaker 1: they've got to keep working through. But this idea that
Speaker 1: you've got to keep your kids entertained all the time
Speaker 1: or stimulated. Like of course, when they go to school,
Speaker 1: you don't worry about that because they gain from.
Speaker 2: Class to class and they're learning this and that. But
Speaker 2: when at.
Speaker 1: School holiday time and kids, I mean, perhaps it's also
Speaker 1: modern parenting that sometimes you just have to find things
Speaker 1: for them to do because you're still at work but
Speaker 1: I do think it's it's a temptation almost. Is it
Speaker 1: driven by guilt almost or what that you feel you've
Speaker 1: got to provide your kids with stimulations something all the time,
Speaker 1: as opposed to, yeah, you know, just send them out
Speaker 1: into the garden with a ball and see what happens.
Speaker 3: Well, I like that latter one. I do think that
Speaker 3: for some parents there is a feeling of pressure that
Speaker 3: they have to, you know, provide the stimulation and be
Speaker 3: doing things and keep kids active physically mentally. I guess
Speaker 3: I'm a little bit og on the whole thing. Well,
Speaker 3: you know, originally I kind of like the concept of
Speaker 3: allowing them to rest. So I'm a bit of an
Speaker 3: old schooler. I like the holidays to have some component
Speaker 3: of rest associated with, you know, the break from school,
Speaker 3: because you know, these kids have a lot going on,
Speaker 3: and more so today with social media and all of
Speaker 3: that stuff that perhaps you, Timmy and I didn't have
Speaker 3: so much of a now day.
Speaker 1: And well, I have this memory come back that oh,
Speaker 1: by the way, I forgot what OG is, but it's original.
Speaker 2: Basically, it's old school.
Speaker 1: How unhipp is that for me to not to have
Speaker 1: forgotten what OG means?
Speaker 3: Well, it seems a little good old og.
Speaker 2: Is og still a thing expression for you?
Speaker 3: Are you saying I'm a bit out of touch with
Speaker 3: mentioning og? No? I think og is still pretty pretty good.
Speaker 3: You can use it. It's modern Dave Vernacula.
Speaker 1: Okay o, G Yeah, And I sort of had the
Speaker 1: here and there. But because I just you know, look
Speaker 1: back to my school holidays. I think we just I
Speaker 1: just generally amused yourself or something unless you were going
Speaker 1: on holiday.
Speaker 3: I think that's great and I and I wish that
Speaker 3: more parents would, you know, enable their children to lean
Speaker 3: into green space and to go out in the backyard
Speaker 3: and all the rest of it. But today there are
Speaker 3: other things that play. You have social media, and as
Speaker 3: you mentioned before, there are parents. They're working, so it's
Speaker 3: a really busy time. It's hard to manage that. So
Speaker 3: for some kids, you know, you get to the holiday
Speaker 3: and there are holiday programs because mum and dad are
Speaker 3: tied out.
Speaker 1: And that's a reality of being a moten parent.
Speaker 3: That is. And I mean, the holiday programs are great,
Speaker 3: some of them are wonderful. But I also think that
Speaker 3: we need to be mindful of the fact that, you know,
Speaker 3: kids do need to break they need a rest. They
Speaker 3: don't need to be stimulated, you know, with regard to
Speaker 3: maths and reading and all the rest of it. In
Speaker 3: their holiday, perhaps doing other stuff that's you know, not
Speaker 3: so mentally and physically taxing, but just getting out there,
Speaker 3: getting amongst it. I mean, we had a lovely day
Speaker 3: in Auckland and I think around the country today, did
Speaker 3: you do What.
Speaker 1: Did you do in your school holidays when you were
Speaker 1: you know, mumming and working, No, when you were a child.
Speaker 3: When I was a child, oh no, I did. I
Speaker 3: amuse myself a bit, you know, out in the backyard,
Speaker 3: did some sports, hung around with friends. Mum would encourage
Speaker 3: outside activity, you know, a bit of definitely play, drawing art,
Speaker 3: you know, a little bit of TV here and there.
Speaker 3: But of course, you know, social media just wasn't the deal.
Speaker 3: And I'm not talking about when dinosaurs walk the earth him.
Speaker 3: If you're going to make comments inviting you.
Speaker 1: Invited your own insults, not at all. But I was
Speaker 1: thinking of the differences between the environment that kids have,
Speaker 1: the environment that kids have maybe lets in the larger
Speaker 1: centers anyway, is that when I grew up, I grew
Speaker 1: up in rod and we lived on we literally had
Speaker 1: two sections. In one section, my dad had a vegetable
Speaker 1: garden and we had apple, an app a couple of
Speaker 1: apple trees, a plump, a couple of plumb trees. I
Speaker 1: mean literally we'd be climbing trees and picking fruit and
Speaker 1: just I don't know, mowing the lawn and kicking the
Speaker 1: rugby ball around at home. Yes, whereas these days kids,
Speaker 1: most children have a much smaller, much smaller land print.
Speaker 1: What's the expression, But there's more less room to plan
Speaker 1: unless they go down.
Speaker 2: To the park.
Speaker 3: The landscape is a little more narrow and yeah, but
Speaker 3: there are lovely parks around, and there are lovely walks.
Speaker 3: But parents also have to be a little bit vigilant of,
Speaker 3: you know, just sending kids to those places.
Speaker 1: That's what I mean, as opposed to just go out
Speaker 1: in the backyard, job done and before you know, you're
Speaker 1: you know, banging nails into something or you.
Speaker 3: Know, except that, you know, there's there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 3: kicking a ball around or having a few little things
Speaker 3: that kids can do, you know, buckets and spades and
Speaker 3: also you mentioned gardening stuff like that, you know, walking around.
Speaker 3: I think today with parents working, they tend to organize outings,
Speaker 3: because then they can put a bit of a plan
Speaker 3: in place so that kids get a little bit of
Speaker 3: those after school kind of adventures and classes and that
Speaker 3: kind of format, as well as time with their parents.
Speaker 3: In terms of activities, it might even be a visit
Speaker 3: to the museum, an art gallery, you know, something like that.
Speaker 2: I think that sort of stuff is good.
Speaker 1: You know, Sorry, my phone's just gone off because I
Speaker 1: forgot to mute it.
Speaker 2: Sorry people if.
Speaker 1: You radio, yes, radio, because you know, if you're listening
Speaker 1: with your parent and you reckon, you've got you've worked
Speaker 1: it out with your kids. I mean, how did you
Speaker 1: go about just making your own decisions around how much
Speaker 1: stimulation to provide your kid. Did you feel a real
Speaker 1: responsibility that I've just got to fill every second of
Speaker 1: the day for them, or do you actually sort of
Speaker 1: trust them to for their brains to kick in and
Speaker 1: find their own amusement. And you see, the temptation for
Speaker 1: a lot of parents is like can I use my
Speaker 1: phone for a bit mum, dad? And here you go
Speaker 1: and five hours have gone, are you still on your phone?
Speaker 3: Well that's not only in the holidays though, I mean,
Speaker 3: as parents we do have to have a look at
Speaker 3: you know, the device time, and that's a completely separate issue.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I think parents shouldn't feel the guilt and
Speaker 3: they shouldn't feel the pressure to be doing something every
Speaker 3: moment of that, you know, during that holiday time, because
Speaker 3: kids just need to reset. It's a little bit of
Speaker 3: a reset from one term to the next. They need
Speaker 3: to rejuvenate, just let themselves be and do that kind
Speaker 3: of stuff that you know feeds the soul.
Speaker 2: So we want to have from you on r.
Speaker 1: Eight hundred and eighty, ten and eighty. Actually the simple
Speaker 1: question is do you feel the need to constantly entertain
Speaker 1: or fine stimulation.
Speaker 2: For your kids?
Speaker 1: Have you got have you got a good balance there?
Speaker 2: They actually find that, you know it.
Speaker 1: Just give them a little bit of time and they
Speaker 1: might say they're bored for a bit, but believe it
Speaker 1: or not, their brains will actually finally find something to
Speaker 1: amuse themselves with. School holiday dilemma for every family, I
Speaker 1: would say, should you allow your kids to be bored?
Speaker 1: And when would you provide them with something as a distraction?
Speaker 1: What's the balance for you? Love to have your cause
Speaker 1: on eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. You can also
Speaker 1: text on nine two nine two and we'll be back
Speaker 1: in just a moment.
Speaker 2: This is News Talks.
Speaker 1: Be My guest is Sarah Chapman. By the way, she's
Speaker 1: a psychologist. She knows a bit about the stuff. So
Speaker 1: that's that's what we've got her in, of course, isn't it.
Speaker 1: I hope that what makes sense?
Speaker 2: Good good. I just wanted to check that.
Speaker 1: Imagine if you were like, I'm just making it up.
Speaker 3: I'm just somebody who've walked in off the street.
Speaker 1: That's right, quarter past five News Talks, he'd be welcome
Speaker 1: back to the parents quite I'm Tim Beverage, my guest
Speaker 1: to Sarah chat One, and she's a psychologist at Mind Works,
Speaker 1: and we're talking about just entertaining your kids throughout the
Speaker 1: course of the holiday. But there's a thing where we're
Speaker 1: just talking about in the break Sarah about well there
Speaker 1: was a bit of a divide there, but parents who
Speaker 1: feel guilty or something You've had contrast.
Speaker 3: I had a little text from somebody who said that
Speaker 3: they do feel guilt about providing stimulation, but not necessarily
Speaker 3: in the way that we were speaking in terms of
Speaker 3: none of their kids' friends are in the country at
Speaker 3: the moment. They've all gone on overseas trips and this
Speaker 3: parent is going, wow, you know, if only I wish,
Speaker 3: And so you know, there are people that use a
Speaker 3: holiday to go overseas now that we're post COVID, and
Speaker 3: that also puts a little layer of pressure on parents
Speaker 3: to perhaps step up to that. You know, I don't
Speaker 3: feel that, and I don't think people shoul feel that,
Speaker 3: because it's a very individual decision as to what you
Speaker 3: do with your children as parents. Texts of the Destiny.
Speaker 1: I think there is quite a big gap in New
Speaker 1: Zealand society in terms of, you know, with people who
Speaker 1: can't afford to do it, because actually, you know, if
Speaker 1: you can afford to take your kids on a overseas
Speaker 1: holiday every year or two, then you would have to
Speaker 1: be on a and own a house and you know,
Speaker 1: be able to deal with the mortgage and things like that.
Speaker 1: You either you or you and your partner need to
Speaker 1: earn a that's a lot of money.
Speaker 3: It's a big ask, and so many families can't be
Speaker 3: all over that kind of situation. So I would say
Speaker 3: to the person that text, and don't be pressured. Don't
Speaker 3: feel pressured by that kind of you know that that
Speaker 3: raising that to that bar because you would be amongst
Speaker 3: a big group that just haven't got those kind of
Speaker 3: situations at the forefront. And you know, I think it's
Speaker 3: okay to enjoy our country, particularly at this time of
Speaker 3: the year when we're coming into such lovely times and
Speaker 3: there are plenty of things to do with your children
Speaker 3: during holiday times.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, look, we're very lucky we had we did.
Speaker 1: We actually were one of those families once in a lifetime.
Speaker 1: Hopefully it'll be more than once in a lifetime. Luckyly
Speaker 1: twice in.
Speaker 2: Two years my way. But I bought my lotto ticket.
Speaker 1: But we had a skiing holiday overseas in Europe which
Speaker 1: was absolutely magnificent. But then again we also I've got
Speaker 1: really really you know when you've had a good holiday,
Speaker 1: because your memory of it remains strong. Yeah, there are
Speaker 1: holidays I've had where I remember vaguely, but you have a.
Speaker 3: Very clear image of what we're done.
Speaker 1: On that holiday, we did Dusty Sound and we went
Speaker 1: down to Tiano, and I just it was such a
Speaker 1: fantastic holiday because it was different and you because there
Speaker 1: was something about there was even just the question around holidays.
Speaker 1: But I'm getting off the track here, But because as
Speaker 1: a psychologist.
Speaker 2: I wanted to just ask about.
Speaker 1: When you it's just the way brains need to evolve
Speaker 1: as well. And if you're trying to fill in the
Speaker 1: gaps all the time for your kids.
Speaker 3: Are you making them in need of that? Are you
Speaker 3: making them weedy?
Speaker 1: And intuitively, I would think yes, because it's a bit
Speaker 1: like if you create a vacuum, in other words, you
Speaker 1: don't give the kids that stimulation, then it will get
Speaker 1: Their brains will find a way of filling that in.
Speaker 1: And I wonder if it stifles creativity and just normal
Speaker 1: mental development if you're constantly here's the new thing that
Speaker 1: you know, here's the new game, here's the new video game,
Speaker 1: this or that, to fill your minds in as opposed
Speaker 1: to I don't know, just.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, there is overstimulation syndrome, so you know,
Speaker 3: those are the words around that kind of feeling, and
Speaker 3: that is when kids, you know, can become increasingly anxious
Speaker 3: and very very het up because they are not being
Speaker 3: stimulated to a very high level all the time, because
Speaker 3: the parents in effect have set up a structure whereby
Speaker 3: the kids are needing that constant input. So I don't
Speaker 3: think that that's necessarily good for anyone for example, the
Speaker 3: parents are just overwhelmed and often exhausted by it, and
Speaker 3: the children similarly. But also there's a need that's created
Speaker 3: there and you know, hence you end up with a
Speaker 3: highly anxious child sometimes.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually, we've got a message it from Stu, who's a
Speaker 1: school principle, and I think he puts the issue quite
Speaker 1: nice and cleanly. He said, kids, he said, you could
Speaker 1: disagree with this or not, but he said, kids need
Speaker 1: to be bored and life is not a constant excitement package.
Speaker 1: They can be their most creative. This is what made
Speaker 1: me ask about that. Actually, they can be their most
Speaker 1: creative when they need to make or create something, and
Speaker 1: school is not.
Speaker 2: A school is not an excitement machine either.
Speaker 3: I love that. Yeah, but I and I think you know,
Speaker 3: he's speaking to a good pause, a bit of a reset,
Speaker 3: a nice break can have some you know, beneficial implications
Speaker 3: for children, but also for parents. I mean, I was
Speaker 3: talking to a parent the other day who was just
Speaker 3: having a really nice time being around her children in
Speaker 3: the home during the first week of the holidays, because
Speaker 3: they were just close. It wasn't like they all got
Speaker 3: up at you know, seven o'clock to be it's good
Speaker 3: way ASU eighte thirty and then she goes off. She
Speaker 3: was just enjoying that proximity, that closeness and just being
Speaker 3: able to, you know, go for a walk with the kids.
Speaker 1: I quite like that, just hanging out without the sense
Speaker 1: that we've I.
Speaker 3: Think that's that there are deadlines or time frames.
Speaker 1: We've got to do this or we have to do that.
Speaker 1: I think just to go. I mean, I've got some things.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be having a few days off, and
Speaker 1: we're in the middle of doing a whole lot of
Speaker 1: DIY stuff. But I was thinking, oh, well, I might
Speaker 1: just I've actually mentioned him, my girls, you want to
Speaker 1: help me putty a few holes and get.
Speaker 3: Rid of but dad, well, funny things, labor.
Speaker 1: It's the stuff that I used to love doing if
Speaker 1: I was you know, when if the builder came around,
Speaker 1: I was the right hand man.
Speaker 3: Really, it's probably had a little tool belt on and
Speaker 3: out to find something to do.
Speaker 1: It's lovely, I mean, because kids take forever to do something.
Speaker 3: Anyway, But that's okay. Those are the things that we've
Speaker 3: kind of lost in terms of the you know, social
Speaker 3: media that's crept and device use and all of those
Speaker 3: things that have crept into the children's repertoire of.
Speaker 1: The constant need for them to check their messages and
Speaker 1: things as well, and that and that is a difficult
Speaker 1: one because it's sort of like, can you just you
Speaker 1: know your friend's still going to be And I know
Speaker 1: there's that social pressure that I have somebod who sent
Speaker 1: me a message, I need to check see if they've replied,
Speaker 1: And I guess as adults we do that, but also
Speaker 1: I quite like put them a phone down and going
Speaker 1: it doesn't exist for a little bit.
Speaker 3: But I mean, we've talked about this before, and there
Speaker 3: need to be checks and balances in place. And remember him,
Speaker 3: as a parent, you don't need to be your children's
Speaker 3: friend because at some point in the parenting experience you
Speaker 3: will have to make some hard and very unpopular decisions,
Speaker 3: and you know, put things in place that mean that
Speaker 3: you know, friendship and contact is minimized a little bit
Speaker 3: while you actually enjoy the quality of a parent child relationship.
Speaker 1: Do you think kids get to sleep in as much
Speaker 1: as I might and my me and my brothers might
Speaker 1: have been able to because no, I don't think somebody
Speaker 1: has also sented to message saying hi Tim, I reckon.
Speaker 1: Some of our teams should be able to sleep in
Speaker 1: in the holidays. This is when their major bones growing
Speaker 1: and need stillness for this to happen, and have a
Speaker 1: rest for their brains to have a sleep from all
Speaker 1: that stimulation, which can be overwhelming.
Speaker 2: I'm right, and I'm right on us.
Speaker 3: I love that that well, that is an ogy kind
Speaker 3: of attitude as well. I mean, that is allowing a child,
Speaker 3: you're so I wrote that is allowing you know, a teenager,
Speaker 3: a child to just, you know, disconnect. I mean, we
Speaker 3: love a level of connection, but I'm not so sure
Speaker 3: that we love so much social media connection. I like
Speaker 3: face to face connection. I like catching up with people,
Speaker 3: and children need to know that that is an option
Speaker 3: to but also rest, relaxing, just chilling out. That gives
Speaker 3: a child, you know, space to figure things out and
Speaker 3: work things through.
Speaker 1: I wonder if we've if our attitude to this is
Speaker 1: changed in a not so good way that we as
Speaker 1: a society or so. I don't want to sound all
Speaker 1: leuctury by the way, I know we a society. It
Speaker 1: sounds like I'm at the pulpit, But what I mean
Speaker 1: is that we've evolved in a way that we almost
Speaker 1: feel that doing nothing as lazy as opposed to actually,
Speaker 1: guess what, it's just relaxing.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 3: I definitely think that there would be sudden.
Speaker 1: There's an undercurrent of yeah, what else should I be
Speaker 1: doing with my time right now?
Speaker 3: But I also think there's another thing that kicks into play,
Speaker 3: it comes into play, which is that, because of parental guilt,
Speaker 3: they try to stack and you know, put so much
Speaker 3: in a day so that they feel like they're really
Speaker 3: engaging with their children. Often what that leaves is a
Speaker 3: parent who isn't engaging with their children, but they're sending
Speaker 3: them places or you know, they're throwing them into a
Speaker 3: situation where they're just following behind their children. So you've
Speaker 3: got to create a balance. And I mean it's moderation,
Speaker 3: isn't it. Moderation in all things gives you a really
Speaker 3: good outcome. So you know, a little bit of social media,
Speaker 3: a little bit of outside time, bit of parent child time,
Speaker 3: bit of friend time. I mean, if you can get
Speaker 3: a really nice balance in all of those areas during
Speaker 3: a holiday, I think you've really achieved. I mean that's
Speaker 3: a big tick.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Another one says, I mean this is more of a statement.
Speaker 1: We can either agree with it. I think we're pulling
Speaker 1: agree with it. A problem we find with some children
Speaker 1: at school is obviously from a I imagine from a teacher,
Speaker 1: is that they have been so and they've been stimulated
Speaker 1: and overmanaged at home, and then when they're asked to
Speaker 1: think for themselves, they don't cope.
Speaker 3: Well that, of course, you see that a lot when
Speaker 3: children transition from school to a tertiary educate, a place
Speaker 3: of tertiary education, whereby at school they have been managed,
Speaker 3: at home they have been managed, and then university nobody
Speaker 3: really cares. You are in charge of yourself and the
Speaker 3: deadlines are just there and you have to abide by that.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I mean that's.
Speaker 2: When some people go off the rails.
Speaker 1: They discover alcohol, and they discover they don't have to
Speaker 1: really go to that lecture.
Speaker 2: They can borrow someone else's nuts before you not.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, alcohol, marijuana, none of that really works to
Speaker 3: improve your brain at all.
Speaker 2: No, let's take some calls Mia.
Speaker 5: Hello, Hi, I'm just pulling out of the driveway and
Speaker 5: then switched off. I'm saying, you know about kids being
Speaker 5: bored and how they've got to find their own things
Speaker 5: to do, and I look next door. I've got a
Speaker 5: two story house, and here's that. I think he's ten
Speaker 5: year old, and the son and the daughter who's I
Speaker 5: don't know, I think she's seven.
Speaker 1: The top, oh dear.
Speaker 5: The top windows open, and they're proceeding to climb out
Speaker 5: onto the roof.
Speaker 3: A little bit of parental attention could be the order
Speaker 3: of the day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's an example of them crowding their own fun,
Speaker 1: which is probably not on the safety scale, is it. No?
Speaker 5: No, no, But hey, you know you've goallet kids do
Speaker 5: these things, don't they because you know they could fall
Speaker 5: and break their arm, but they won't do that.
Speaker 3: Again, that's a hard lesson.
Speaker 1: I would probably want them not to be on the roof.
Speaker 1: What about you, I mean, do you remember what you
Speaker 1: I don't know if you've got.
Speaker 5: Kids or well, yeah, I've got thrown up kids and
Speaker 5: now I've got four grandchildren. But I yeah, I'm a
Speaker 5: kind I've had a lot of a child and it
Speaker 5: was it was very hard for me to step out
Speaker 5: of my comfort zone to still let my living children
Speaker 5: do the things that kids need to do, because you know,
Speaker 5: you're very conscious of what can happen. But hey, they
Speaker 5: all survived, and.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sorry to hear that. That's it.
Speaker 1: I can't think of a worse thing to have to
Speaker 1: deal with in your life.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, but you know, I'm proud that I've
Speaker 5: managed to step through that there. And you know, my
Speaker 5: kids grew up doing things that most kids you know,
Speaker 5: should be doing, and luckily and grew up in the
Speaker 5: era where we didn't have screens, and that might have
Speaker 5: been a different thing.
Speaker 3: That's probably a big help. But you've definitely triumphed. And
Speaker 3: very sorry to hear about your last that's.
Speaker 1: Leah, It's just a question. I was just thinking. It
Speaker 1: must be that you say you've got grandkids? Now, Yes,
Speaker 1: how much of a thrill was it to have grandkids?
Speaker 1: When you think when you've been through and then you
Speaker 1: see another generation, that must be amazing to become the grandma,
Speaker 1: isn't it.
Speaker 5: I tell you I've longed and longed to be a
Speaker 5: grandpiarent and I was like, what is going on here?
Speaker 5: And then we've had four grandchildren in two years. My
Speaker 5: heart is full.
Speaker 3: Oh that is marvelous. Wow, that's a lot.
Speaker 5: Yeah, our last little granddaughter arrived on just on the
Speaker 5: first of October, so yes, we're very happy.
Speaker 3: I congrass.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm hitting the trivia again on this. While
Speaker 1: we got I'm always fascinated with what name have you
Speaker 1: got as a grandparent, because and was.
Speaker 3: There there were so many to choose?
Speaker 1: Did you choose your own order that those grandchildren just
Speaker 1: accidentally called you NINGI or something or no?
Speaker 5: No, well know, wanted to be called Mimi.
Speaker 3: I went, I wanted to be called that.
Speaker 5: And my darling son in law, who who is a
Speaker 5: lovely cat, said, oh, you mean like Mary Pete, you know,
Speaker 5: because it's Mary for weeze or urine or something like that.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I didn't know that. Oh dear,
Speaker 3: it's also French.
Speaker 2: It's also French. I would say, can you know?
Speaker 3: So now?
Speaker 5: I thought, oh, okay, well now so now I'm g
Speaker 5: that's not yeah, yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Memi and went into the g that's very European cosmopolitan.
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 1: I'm actually it was quite Hey, thanks Mia, and I'm.
Speaker 3: Great and congratulations, what a great life.
Speaker 5: Oh thank you.
Speaker 2: Take care. I'm not sure about the climbing on the
Speaker 2: roof thing.
Speaker 1: Actually, I don't know are you going to be are
Speaker 1: you planning on being a grandmar at some stage.
Speaker 3: At some stage mind up to you though, was iterhaps
Speaker 3: a little bit young. And I am putting no pressure
Speaker 3: on any of them because I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, that's why I said, are you planning as
Speaker 1: opposed to look at you, you must be a grandma.
Speaker 3: But I'm not going to let them call me mem that's.
Speaker 1: Me actually, funny enough, my SASA, one of my my
Speaker 1: my girl's grandma is Mimi.
Speaker 3: Only a bit of an inform her of the linguistic
Speaker 3: difficulties with that name.
Speaker 1: I like the story of Actually there was a friend
Speaker 1: of my mum's whose her name was Ninny.
Speaker 2: I don't know where that came.
Speaker 1: And the grandfather was known as no No because I
Speaker 1: think he said no a few too many times to him,
Speaker 1: I don't know, with the kids doing whatever, no no,
Speaker 1: and he became no No, which I think became a
Speaker 1: of endearment. Another one to say. So, Actually, there is
Speaker 1: another issue that's tied in with kids amusing themselves, and
Speaker 1: it's about the how to deal with to keep them
Speaker 1: safe when it comes to social media and dealing with
Speaker 1: strangers online and how you managed that and how you
Speaker 1: actually teach your kids about that without freaking them out.
Speaker 3: Well, of course that does come into holiday time too,
Speaker 3: because a lot of parents do opt to allow a
Speaker 3: little bit more of the so media these days to
Speaker 3: creep into a holiday repertoire because you've got a bit
Speaker 3: of extra time and perhaps not so many options that
Speaker 3: you're thinking of, you know, out loud, so you perhaps
Speaker 3: point your kids in that direction. But it's I mean,
Speaker 3: it's a really weird it can be a very weird landscape.
Speaker 3: I love social media in terms of its accessibility to
Speaker 3: information and allowing you know, connection in that way, but
Speaker 3: it can also allow really negative connection. And if you
Speaker 3: think you know all about it as a parent, you don't.
Speaker 1: It's kids, I mean, because I think that actually the
Speaker 1: schools do a good job in the space of teaching
Speaker 1: kids about stranger danger, just in terms of general out
Speaker 1: and about strange danger, not online stuff. And there's a
Speaker 1: I mean, there's a way of doing it, I guess where,
Speaker 1: Because what you're trying to teach your kids about is
Speaker 1: stuff that can be quite dark and really awful. But
Speaker 1: you don't want to introduce that theme into their lives.
Speaker 1: You want to protect them from.
Speaker 3: It without that you don't want to freak them out.
Speaker 2: You do.
Speaker 1: Without telling them all the reasons why. Yes, I guess
Speaker 1: that sums it up, isn't it.
Speaker 3: Well. A lot of people start messaging though failarly on
Speaker 3: with kids.
Speaker 1: Ye, And what I mean is, how do you describe
Speaker 1: why you know if you because you have to give
Speaker 1: a bit of context for things like if you hear
Speaker 1: from someone honey that you don't recognize or such and such,
Speaker 1: I don't want you to talk to them and then
Speaker 1: they'll say, well, you know, you just delete that or
Speaker 1: you tell me. I guess that's part of it, as
Speaker 1: well as having a relationship where your kids will keep
Speaker 1: you up to date with what's happening. Yes, but also
Speaker 1: how do you just tell them that to feel confident
Speaker 1: that they just shouldn't engage with people who they don't know.
Speaker 3: Like all life explain the worst of it. Yeah, But
Speaker 3: like all life lessons, it takes time. With regard to
Speaker 3: the you know, the parenting messages that you're sending through.
Speaker 3: You have to be repetitious. You have to be consistent.
Speaker 3: I mean, when you talk your daughters to say please
Speaker 3: and thank you, it wasn't just a off. You had
Speaker 3: to keep saying say please, say thank you to gram
Speaker 3: or whatever. So with the messaging in and around this
Speaker 3: kind of topic area. I mean, you have to keep
Speaker 3: the messaging going because this is a continuous threat. If
Speaker 3: your children are online a lot, this threat isn't going away.
Speaker 3: There are horrible people that want to do horrible things,
Speaker 3: you know a lot of the time. And whilst you
Speaker 3: don't want to freak your children out, they do need
Speaker 3: to know that they are children and they need to
Speaker 3: come to you as their parents, as the architects of
Speaker 3: their destiny, as the people who are tasked with the good,
Speaker 3: the bad, and the ugly decision making up until a
Speaker 3: certain age. You know, they it's great if they feel
Speaker 3: comfortable that they can come to you and have those
Speaker 3: conversations because they do need to know that it you know,
Speaker 3: that kind of landscape. The digital social media environment is
Speaker 3: one that is large and has a lot of different
Speaker 3: people in some good, some bad.
Speaker 1: The scary thing in this study that's come out is
Speaker 1: that more more than sixty percent of children interact online
Speaker 1: with people they don't know on a daily basis, despite
Speaker 1: being aware of the day and look, we're talking about
Speaker 1: grooming without I mean, obviously we're aware of the time
Speaker 1: slots were not going to go right into that, but
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a large number of people of kids
Speaker 1: not listening to, hopefully the advice that they're getting.
Speaker 3: Well, that's right, because you know, as a child, you
Speaker 3: will probably push parameters because you're learning and you're growing
Speaker 3: and you're experimenting. I mean, you remember when you were
Speaker 3: a young kid, the various things you did. It wasn't
Speaker 3: you know, you weren't doing what your parents told you
Speaker 3: to do all the time. And now we have social media,
Speaker 3: so that's just another environment that children are operating within,
Speaker 3: and you know, they will push some boundaries, they will
Speaker 3: push parameters, they'll do a few little naughty things that
Speaker 3: they shouldn't be doing.
Speaker 1: I guess the question is how do you you always
Speaker 1: get that child. You can tell them not to touch
Speaker 1: the stove, not to touch the stove, but there'll always
Speaker 1: be a child who has to find out by touching
Speaker 1: the stove. And on an online situation, you don't want those.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's why the kids are still wary of
Speaker 1: them still clicking. Is it curiosity?
Speaker 3: Well, it's very accessible. They might hear stories from their
Speaker 3: friends that they might do this, whether their friends are
Speaker 3: doing it or not, as irrelevant. If a person says, old, yes,
Speaker 3: I am it means it's true. So you know, kids
Speaker 3: do it because it's out there, it's accessible, and they're curious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, at least. Actually, one thing they do do is
Speaker 1: I think that they talk to it, their friends about
Speaker 1: it as well, and I think as a cohort kids
Speaker 1: are more aware of what's wrong, even even if they're
Speaker 1: still talking to stranger.
Speaker 3: But that can work both ways. Yeah, because if a
Speaker 3: stranger is really you know, fun and saying really cool
Speaker 3: things and getting them involved in stuff that can work,
Speaker 3: that they all, you know, jump on board with that.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: Let's take another call Shane High.
Speaker 4: Yeah, loving the program, guys. It's a great subject you're
Speaker 4: talking about. I think it's one of the most important
Speaker 4: subjects I do education out there for many years now
Speaker 4: in regards to helping families in Australia, and there's a
Speaker 4: great awareness out there that I talk because I've been
Speaker 4: doing it for so many years. You see how the
Speaker 4: sort of generations are really concerned about their children with
Speaker 4: the social media exposure. We've been doing advocacy work through
Speaker 4: the government, and the government are actually now putting bands
Speaker 4: on social media. They're laying up the legislation of that
Speaker 4: with children and.
Speaker 1: The age limit. Australia is actually legislating for it, aren't they.
Speaker 1: I must say, I do quite like that idea.
Speaker 2: Do you support it?
Speaker 4: To Shane, I'd still been modeled on how they're going
Speaker 4: to approach it, you know, with people who already look,
Speaker 4: this is an addiction to you were sort of wondering,
Speaker 4: you know, is it just curiosity? It's more I look
Speaker 4: at generational social engineering of the you know, the human
Speaker 4: being within this social system for many years, and it's
Speaker 4: more conditioning that's been marketed where these screens are captivating
Speaker 4: what I call modern Pavlovian conditioning, where the child's being
Speaker 4: captivated with.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: I think you've got a point where.
Speaker 3: Shane starts in it's embryonic phases. It starts as curiosity
Speaker 3: and absolutely for some kids that can end it in addiction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, anything else before we've got to go in
Speaker 1: a moment shame any last weeks idea.
Speaker 4: You know, it's just basic stuff, you know what I
Speaker 4: have the case the workout theories. Don't let them do
Speaker 4: screen work when the sun goes down because the biology
Speaker 4: of the body is used to having darkness when the
Speaker 4: sun goes up and down, and just try to get there.
Speaker 4: That'll help their sleeping patterns. And don't have carbs with
Speaker 4: these screens because both of them combining are creating a
Speaker 4: massive problem with hydrolys Actually interesting.
Speaker 1: Interesting, Yeah, I hadn't heard that one before, but actually
Speaker 1: quite like that rule of the when the sun goes
Speaker 1: down sat as the phone.
Speaker 2: Although daylight saving is not going to help you.
Speaker 1: Their shame because I have to rethink that if you're
Speaker 1: an invercargol and some of them be on their phone
Speaker 1: still about ten thirty.
Speaker 2: But I think we know what Shane means.
Speaker 3: I think Shane, that was great.
Speaker 2: Good on you. Hey, there we go, time flies, sir.
Speaker 2: I know we're going to go to the sports wrapping.
Speaker 1: Just hey, thanks for coming.
Speaker 3: It's my pleasure. As always, I.
Speaker 2: Want to check out your work or how to get
Speaker 2: in the hold of you.
Speaker 3: As they do after the show. Very popular show to me,
Speaker 3: mindwork stock co dot in z.
Speaker 1: Stop flirting with me popularity and you're dancing.
Speaker 3: It was your dancing.
Speaker 5: There we go?
Speaker 3: What was it again, mindwork stock co dot inzed.
Speaker 2: Excellent, Thanks so much, so much, see.
Speaker 3: You next time.
Speaker 2: Excellent.
Speaker 1: We'll be back in just a moment. Nick Beuley is
Speaker 1: joining us for the Sports Rap News Talks. He'd be
Speaker 1: nineteen minutes to six.
Speaker 5: For more from the Weekend Collective.
Speaker 1: Listen live to news Talks it'd be weekends from three pm,
Speaker 1: or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio