WEBVTT - Dougal Sutherland: Dealing with the fallout from a bad exam result 0:00:05.761 --> 0:00:09.401 You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks 0:00:09.521 --> 0:00:10.841 ed B, News. 0:00:10.601 --> 0:00:12.641 Talk zed B. Thank you very much for joining me. 0:00:12.641 --> 0:00:15.601 I'm Jason Walls in for Tim Beveridge on the Weekend 0:00:16.121 --> 0:00:20.441 Collective here up in the beautiful Auckland offices. Such a 0:00:20.521 --> 0:00:23.881 stunning day in Auckland. Such as stunning, stunning day, and 0:00:23.921 --> 0:00:26.361 I hope wherever you are around the country you are 0:00:26.361 --> 0:00:29.761 having such a beautiful time as well in terms of 0:00:29.801 --> 0:00:32.161 your weather and your day as well. Thank you so 0:00:32.241 --> 0:00:34.281 much for Ed who was in before. I was talking 0:00:34.321 --> 0:00:37.721 about his charcoal barbecue and about some of the sausages 0:00:37.761 --> 0:00:40.881 that he's got in, some steaks, some dry age steaks 0:00:40.881 --> 0:00:43.161 that he's throwing on there. Made my mouth water while 0:00:43.161 --> 0:00:45.561 I was talking with him. But now, fantastic discussion and 0:00:45.601 --> 0:00:47.441 we're going to move on because it is now the 0:00:47.521 --> 0:00:51.561 parent Squad part of the show and we're going to 0:00:51.641 --> 0:00:55.001 be talking to Doogled Sutherland, who is a he's a 0:00:55.041 --> 0:01:00.961 psychologist at the Umbrella Wellington at Umbrella Wellington, Doogle. Good evening, 0:01:01.041 --> 0:01:02.561 good evening, good afternoon. 0:01:02.601 --> 0:01:04.961 Good afternoon. Jason, you're getting a hit of yourself the 0:01:05.201 --> 0:01:06.961 slightly Well, it's almost evening. 0:01:07.041 --> 0:01:09.681 I'll tell you what. I talked to a talkback caller 0:01:09.721 --> 0:01:13.001 a couple of days ago and I kept saying, you know, oh, 0:01:13.081 --> 0:01:16.561 good afternoon, good afternoon, and it was that five past five. 0:01:16.641 --> 0:01:18.561 He's like, no, no, no, it's good evening now, because 0:01:18.561 --> 0:01:20.681 the evening technically starts at five pm. 0:01:21.241 --> 0:01:23.081 I thought that too. I thought, yeah, I thought five 0:01:23.081 --> 0:01:25.721 o'clock was evening. It does fit. It feels like it 0:01:25.761 --> 0:01:27.961 feels good though, five o'clock to be the evening. I reckon. 0:01:28.001 --> 0:01:29.801 It's like, yeah, now, we're just going to kick under 0:01:29.801 --> 0:01:31.001 the evening now. I think it's good. 0:01:31.081 --> 0:01:33.241 I reckon. We have to change it during the seasons though, 0:01:33.281 --> 0:01:36.481 because during summer it still feels like the afternoon and 0:01:36.521 --> 0:01:38.801 the evening's not feel about six. But in winter or 0:01:38.921 --> 0:01:41.041 by four thirty, I'm like, it is the dead of night. 0:01:41.201 --> 0:01:44.041 Yeah, by five o'clock it's pretty much good night when 0:01:44.041 --> 0:01:45.321 you're in winter, isn't well. 0:01:45.361 --> 0:01:47.081 Tell you what. I lived in the northeast of England 0:01:47.081 --> 0:01:49.121 for a number of years and in summer it was 0:01:49.161 --> 0:01:51.481 still it was still light outside at like ten ten 0:01:51.641 --> 0:01:54.921 thirty pm. And then during the winter we were coming 0:01:54.921 --> 0:01:57.441 home from school and it was the Christmas lights were 0:01:57.561 --> 0:02:00.841 shining bright because it was just so dark amazing. 0:02:01.241 --> 0:02:04.201 Look, Dunedin's still a bit like that. I'm originally from 0:02:04.281 --> 0:02:06.441 Dunedin and it's still like you know, and I was 0:02:06.441 --> 0:02:09.201 in Central Otago at summer and it's still light there 0:02:09.241 --> 0:02:12.761 at nine o'clock nine thirty at night, you know, which 0:02:12.801 --> 0:02:14.761 is it's great when it happens, but it does get 0:02:14.841 --> 0:02:16.241 dark quicker in the winter there, don't it. 0:02:16.321 --> 0:02:17.801 Yeah, you know, I've never been to Dunners. 0:02:18.361 --> 0:02:19.121 Oh really, No. 0:02:19.361 --> 0:02:20.961 Everybody keeps telling me that I need to go, and 0:02:21.001 --> 0:02:23.601 I definitely do. I'll tell you it's down that the 0:02:23.761 --> 0:02:26.001 New Zealand safety video that makes me keep wanting to go, 0:02:26.161 --> 0:02:27.801 you know how He's like, oh, I'm the seafood done 0:02:27.801 --> 0:02:30.681 here seafood fan. So that convinced me. 0:02:31.361 --> 0:02:34.201 Yeah. Nice. Oh yeah, gosh, you're missing how far what's 0:02:34.201 --> 0:02:36.681 the further south you've been Queenstown? 0:02:36.961 --> 0:02:39.761 Wait, there's Queenstown further south than christ Church. 0:02:40.441 --> 0:02:42.281 Yeah, Queenstown is further south and christ the. 0:02:42.361 --> 0:02:43.441 Queen then Queenstown. 0:02:44.121 --> 0:02:46.081 Yeah yeah, yeah, We've got You've got a whole whole 0:02:46.121 --> 0:02:49.521 section of the country to the mainland really to go 0:02:49.561 --> 0:02:50.121 and explore. 0:02:50.601 --> 0:02:53.441 Well, maybe when I have some time off between shows 0:02:53.521 --> 0:02:55.681 and what I do in my day job down in Wellington, 0:02:55.721 --> 0:02:57.841 I can explore the country. Doogot, thank you so much 0:02:57.881 --> 0:03:01.561 for joining us. By now everybody will be aware NCEE 0:03:01.561 --> 0:03:04.801 exam results have been released and many out there will 0:03:04.801 --> 0:03:06.961 be less than pleased with how they did. 0:03:07.041 --> 0:03:07.241 Now. 0:03:07.281 --> 0:03:10.321 Every parent wants their child to be their best, But 0:03:10.401 --> 0:03:14.001 how can we push our children to improve without destroying 0:03:14.041 --> 0:03:17.321 their self confidence? And as parents deal with the fallout 0:03:17.321 --> 0:03:20.401 of these exam results, many have had to return to 0:03:20.521 --> 0:03:24.161 work while the school holidays drag on with only twenty 0:03:24.241 --> 0:03:27.401 days annually for most people, How can anyone manage to 0:03:27.441 --> 0:03:31.481 find or afford health our childcare for the long longest 0:03:31.481 --> 0:03:33.601 school break of the year. And how can you maintain 0:03:33.641 --> 0:03:37.121 a sense of normality with such different routines. And that's 0:03:37.121 --> 0:03:39.841 what we're going to be talking to doogled about this afternoon, 0:03:39.921 --> 0:03:42.801 and we're this evening rather and we will be welcoming 0:03:42.841 --> 0:03:45.441 your calls. Oh eight hundred eighty ten eighty if you 0:03:45.441 --> 0:03:47.681 want to get involved in the conversation and direct some 0:03:48.121 --> 0:03:50.961 questions to doogld because he's the expert. I'm just like 0:03:51.041 --> 0:03:53.481 I was with Ed, just the loud mouth, talking head 0:03:54.161 --> 0:03:56.201 with a piece of paper in front of me, but doogle. 0:03:56.721 --> 0:04:00.481 I'm interested from your perspective, what should a parent's initial 0:04:00.521 --> 0:04:03.761 response to be when the exam results come in. 0:04:05.081 --> 0:04:08.921 Well, look, I'm speaking not only as a psychologist here 0:04:08.961 --> 0:04:11.601 but as a parent as well. My daughter's just got 0:04:11.641 --> 0:04:16.401 her she's just finished level three in CEA and so 0:04:16.441 --> 0:04:20.161 she got her results. I can't remember what day it was. 0:04:20.161 --> 0:04:20.801 Was it Thursday? 0:04:21.361 --> 0:04:23.281 Iday week? 0:04:23.521 --> 0:04:27.241 Yeah? Yeah, And look, funny enough, she was, like many 0:04:27.321 --> 0:04:29.721 kids around the country, she was a bit nervous. She 0:04:29.921 --> 0:04:33.161 wasn't sure how she was going to go. She is 0:04:33.281 --> 0:04:36.281 going up to Auckland the year to do midwiffery and 0:04:36.321 --> 0:04:39.601 so she needed to get biology in CEA level three 0:04:39.961 --> 0:04:42.601 and she she didn't think she did very well in 0:04:42.641 --> 0:04:44.841 the exam, so she was a bit nervous about that 0:04:45.241 --> 0:04:49.241 and had already in fact done things like she'd enrolled 0:04:49.241 --> 0:04:52.681 in summer school at Takurda, the correspondent school, to try 0:04:52.681 --> 0:04:57.241 and pick up credits should she need them. So and look, 0:04:57.321 --> 0:04:59.641 many kids will be in that position and parents too, 0:04:59.681 --> 0:05:04.281 and it is a nervous time. I think. Firstly, when 0:05:04.361 --> 0:05:06.401 exam res are it's come through and they're still pretty 0:05:06.401 --> 0:05:10.361 fresh for many people. Now, of course, your role really 0:05:10.401 --> 0:05:12.241 as a parent at this point is just to be 0:05:12.481 --> 0:05:17.001 supportive and to be and celebrate if they if they've 0:05:17.001 --> 0:05:21.641 got their results and they've achieved them, and commiserate and 0:05:21.721 --> 0:05:25.561 support them and be empathetic if they've not got the results. 0:05:26.681 --> 0:05:29.961 You know, really pay attention to the emotions that your 0:05:30.041 --> 0:05:32.921 kids are feeling right now. Now is not the time 0:05:33.041 --> 0:05:36.321 to start, you know, lecturing them about oh, yes, well 0:05:36.401 --> 0:05:38.441 I told you should have worked harder. I told you 0:05:38.441 --> 0:05:40.401 should you know, didn't I say that you shouldn't have 0:05:40.441 --> 0:05:44.001 been you know? Now is not that time. There will 0:05:44.001 --> 0:05:46.121 be a time for that, but now is not that time. 0:05:46.201 --> 0:05:48.641 So now I think really that the initial focus for 0:05:48.681 --> 0:05:51.761 the next week or two, just well they digest these results, 0:05:51.841 --> 0:05:54.521 is just to focus on their emotions and just to 0:05:54.601 --> 0:05:58.681 be as I say, celebrated if they've achieved, and commiserate 0:05:58.881 --> 0:06:01.921 and be empathic if they have not achieved what they'd hoped. 0:06:02.361 --> 0:06:03.841 How'd your door to do? Did she do her? In 0:06:03.921 --> 0:06:04.641 the end? 0:06:04.441 --> 0:06:07.201 She did do all right, Yeah she did. She did. 0:06:07.241 --> 0:06:10.121 She got what she needed to in biology, and she 0:06:10.201 --> 0:06:13.841 did pretty well in another couple of subjects. But I'm 0:06:13.841 --> 0:06:16.281 not sure how useful photography or design are going to 0:06:16.281 --> 0:06:18.281 be from midwive. But she did, she did well in 0:06:18.401 --> 0:06:20.881 those but she got what she needed in her bio 0:06:21.001 --> 0:06:24.601 and she was she was she was stoked and and 0:06:24.601 --> 0:06:26.841 and that's cool and and and lots of kids will 0:06:26.881 --> 0:06:29.921 be in that position that they've got what they need. Look, 0:06:29.961 --> 0:06:32.041 I think the other thing, and this might be an 0:06:32.081 --> 0:06:35.401 important lesson for kids to learn too, is that look 0:06:36.121 --> 0:06:39.121 exam results, whilst they mean a lot at the time 0:06:39.321 --> 0:06:41.681 that they're in the grand scheme of life, it's a 0:06:41.681 --> 0:06:44.321 bit of a wrinkle if you don't get what you 0:06:44.601 --> 0:06:47.841 what you want or what you need. And I think 0:06:47.881 --> 0:06:50.841 as adults and parents, that's one of the roles that 0:06:50.881 --> 0:06:55.001 we can plays helping give some perspective that yeah, it 0:06:55.121 --> 0:06:58.321 might feel like it's really really bad, but actually heaps 0:06:58.361 --> 0:07:01.441 of people don't get the results they want and it 0:07:01.601 --> 0:07:04.681 works out all right in the end for them. And 0:07:04.681 --> 0:07:08.561 and you know, my son he finished school, oh gosh, 0:07:08.601 --> 0:07:10.841 he's mid twenties now, so he finished school a few 0:07:10.881 --> 0:07:12.881 years ago. He finished at the end of level two. 0:07:12.921 --> 0:07:17.161 He didn't do level three. And but he's actually just 0:07:17.241 --> 0:07:20.361 last year graduated from aut with a degree and he 0:07:20.481 --> 0:07:23.081 went back and did it later. So you know, even 0:07:23.121 --> 0:07:25.081 though it may seem like the end of the world, 0:07:25.161 --> 0:07:27.761 there was always another path, and I think that's a 0:07:27.841 --> 0:07:29.321 useful message for our kids to have. 0:07:29.641 --> 0:07:32.121 Oh absolutely, I remember when I was in year I 0:07:32.241 --> 0:07:34.761 was year twelve, at the end of year twelve, and 0:07:34.961 --> 0:07:37.361 I was look, I was, we were done, and toyleroant 0:07:37.401 --> 0:07:41.201 our actually actually and I was getting my results and 0:07:41.321 --> 0:07:43.241 you know, you'd just log on and this is about 0:07:43.241 --> 0:07:46.161 fifteen years ago now, and we logged onto this the 0:07:46.201 --> 0:07:48.281 computer at the house that we were staying at and 0:07:48.321 --> 0:07:50.361 I remember going through all my results and I was 0:07:50.441 --> 0:07:53.281 really nervous. And the English ones were fine, the Maths 0:07:53.281 --> 0:07:56.041 ones were fine. And then I got to physics, and 0:07:56.081 --> 0:07:59.321 I had studied so hard for physics. I thought I 0:07:59.401 --> 0:08:01.441 was going to be doing really well. I was really 0:08:01.481 --> 0:08:03.761 excited and then I clicked on and I'd failed every 0:08:03.801 --> 0:08:06.681 single paper. I couldn't believe it. And I do remember 0:08:07.161 --> 0:08:10.921 having that guttural feeling that my life is over, like 0:08:10.961 --> 0:08:12.681 I didn't want to do anything to do with physics. 0:08:12.761 --> 0:08:17.161 I hated science. I was an English guy all going up, 0:08:17.521 --> 0:08:20.681 despite the fact that dyslexic. But I remember my parents 0:08:20.721 --> 0:08:23.201 were really good about it because I didn't I could 0:08:23.241 --> 0:08:25.441 tell that they were probably like, what do we do here? 0:08:25.481 --> 0:08:27.561 Because I was the oldest child, it was quite a 0:08:27.561 --> 0:08:29.241 lot of failure for me. And they were really good 0:08:29.281 --> 0:08:32.001 because they gave me my space. They didn't they definitely 0:08:32.041 --> 0:08:34.161 didn't lecture me. They didn't say, well if you did 0:08:34.201 --> 0:08:36.241 more of this. But I was a bit of a 0:08:36.281 --> 0:08:38.401 brat about it as well, because I didn't even tell 0:08:38.441 --> 0:08:40.241 them for quite some time. They were just like, how 0:08:40.241 --> 0:08:43.881 to do good? Well, it was good, it was all right. 0:08:43.921 --> 0:08:46.161 So what would be a vice to parents if you 0:08:46.241 --> 0:08:49.001 have got a kid that just kind of withdrawers? Is 0:08:49.041 --> 0:08:50.681 a year, It's okay, it's fine. 0:08:51.681 --> 0:08:55.241 Look, I think I think your your tale, Jason as 0:08:55.281 --> 0:08:58.441 a nice one, really just illustrates the importance of giving 0:08:59.241 --> 0:09:03.961 young people some space. You know. Look, parents of teenagers 0:09:04.041 --> 0:09:08.121 know that that we not always the first port of 0:09:08.241 --> 0:09:11.881 call for kids to share their emotions with it. You know, 0:09:12.441 --> 0:09:15.561 their friends are often much more important, and they might 0:09:15.601 --> 0:09:18.001 have told their friends and they might not have told 0:09:18.041 --> 0:09:21.601 you as a parent. But look, just giving your kids 0:09:21.601 --> 0:09:27.361 some space to digest it. Try to avoid nagging or 0:09:27.601 --> 0:09:31.121 asking questions after question. I know you'll be curious. You know, 0:09:31.281 --> 0:09:34.001 I went to work on Thursday going, oh god, I 0:09:34.001 --> 0:09:35.721 wonder what the result is the results are going to 0:09:35.721 --> 0:09:38.801 be like, and I just had to sort of, you know, 0:09:38.921 --> 0:09:42.041 quell that curiosity, just waiting for her to come to 0:09:42.081 --> 0:09:44.921 me and let me know. And I think, you know, 0:09:44.961 --> 0:09:47.921 if your teen is a bit sullen and a bit withdrawn, 0:09:48.441 --> 0:09:50.961 you might make a few educated guesses about what's gone 0:09:50.961 --> 0:09:54.321 on with the results. But just give them a little 0:09:54.321 --> 0:09:58.441 bit of time and pick your moment. I think that 0:09:58.521 --> 0:10:01.121 there might be a moment when everybody else is out 0:10:01.121 --> 0:10:03.041 of the house and it's just you and them alone, 0:10:03.441 --> 0:10:05.361 and that might be the moment to say, hey, look, 0:10:05.401 --> 0:10:07.521 how did those results go on? You know, you've said 0:10:07.561 --> 0:10:09.121 they're fine, but you know, give us, give us the 0:10:09.161 --> 0:10:13.361 detail exactly how how did you go? But just choose 0:10:13.401 --> 0:10:15.921 your moments as much as you can and let them 0:10:15.961 --> 0:10:16.481 come to you. 0:10:16.721 --> 0:10:18.841 So what about if it's a situation where you have 0:10:19.241 --> 0:10:21.121 one of your kids and you know that they should 0:10:21.161 --> 0:10:24.121 have been studying more in their study time. They've been 0:10:24.201 --> 0:10:27.161 mucking around, they've been on tech took, they've been doing 0:10:27.201 --> 0:10:29.601 all sorts of stuff. They've been doing everything but study. 0:10:29.641 --> 0:10:32.001 You've been on their back time and time again. Then 0:10:32.041 --> 0:10:34.921 they do get their results coming through and as could 0:10:34.921 --> 0:10:38.441 be expected, they're not very good. What's the balance there? 0:10:38.521 --> 0:10:40.721 How how do you say I'm proud of you and 0:10:40.841 --> 0:10:42.961 you need to work harder at the same time. 0:10:44.161 --> 0:10:47.481 Look, I think you know. I think in parenting we 0:10:47.561 --> 0:10:50.521 often talk about kind of the Goldilocks zone, and that's 0:10:50.721 --> 0:10:54.201 and and that's again a good a good idea here, 0:10:54.481 --> 0:10:57.881 and the Goldilock zone is kind of it's right in 0:10:57.921 --> 0:11:01.681 the middle. There you're not being too strict on them 0:11:01.681 --> 0:11:04.681 and too harsh and lecturing them, and and at the 0:11:05.161 --> 0:11:06.721 not the other end of the spectrum, you're not being 0:11:06.841 --> 0:11:10.361 lax and say, oh well, it doesn't really matter. So 0:11:10.481 --> 0:11:15.161 the Goldilock zone for that situation. I think when when 0:11:15.201 --> 0:11:19.041 teens haven't done too well is again firstly being there 0:11:19.081 --> 0:11:21.921 to support their emotions. They will be bummed about it, 0:11:22.041 --> 0:11:26.081 probably more than you are as a parent. So remember 0:11:26.121 --> 0:11:29.281 it's their exam results, not yours, and they will be 0:11:29.321 --> 0:11:34.401 bummed and they look, they will know probably give them 0:11:34.401 --> 0:11:38.441 some credit. They will know that probably they haven't studied 0:11:38.521 --> 0:11:41.681 as hard as they could. And I think rather than 0:11:41.841 --> 0:11:44.441 lecturing them and saying well you should have studied and 0:11:44.481 --> 0:11:47.801 blah blah lah, I think again, picking your moment when 0:11:47.881 --> 0:11:50.761 when the moment's right, and the emotions perhaps died down 0:11:50.801 --> 0:11:54.441 a bit and they're communicating with you. Just get them 0:11:54.521 --> 0:11:59.401 to reflect on it, avoid avoid trying to tell them 0:11:59.401 --> 0:12:02.001 what they should have done differently, and help them to 0:12:02.281 --> 0:12:05.681 unpack what they think they could have done differently. And 0:12:05.721 --> 0:12:09.681 I think that's a much better way of them actually 0:12:09.801 --> 0:12:13.041 learning the lesson from what's happened, because this is one 0:12:13.081 --> 0:12:16.281 of life's lessons really that they can learn from. So 0:12:16.801 --> 0:12:19.401 asking them, look, what do you think you know? What 0:12:19.881 --> 0:12:24.441 do you think led to this result? Is there anything 0:12:24.481 --> 0:12:26.321 that you could have done differently? Do you think without? 0:12:27.361 --> 0:12:29.321 They don't need you to tell them they should have 0:12:29.321 --> 0:12:33.081 studied more, that's pretty evident from the results. But getting 0:12:33.121 --> 0:12:36.081 them to reflect and figure out, support them to figure 0:12:36.121 --> 0:12:38.481 out what they're going to do next. Don't make the 0:12:38.561 --> 0:12:42.241 decisions for them, get them, but just help them be 0:12:42.441 --> 0:12:45.041 there as guard rails I guess as they're trying to 0:12:45.081 --> 0:12:46.801 make the decision about what to do next. 0:12:46.961 --> 0:12:50.641 Yeah, some sailient advice there, just while if you're listening 0:12:50.681 --> 0:12:53.641 at home, oh, eight hundred and eighty, if you've got 0:12:53.641 --> 0:12:56.361 some stories about how your parents reacted to your exam results, 0:12:56.441 --> 0:12:58.841 or how did you react to your kid's results, when 0:12:58.841 --> 0:13:00.761 they were good, when there were bad, if they were 0:13:00.761 --> 0:13:02.681 anywhere in between, we'd love to hear from them. And 0:13:02.721 --> 0:13:04.601 if you have some questions for do Gold as well, 0:13:05.081 --> 0:13:06.881 we'll be more than happy to put you on air 0:13:06.961 --> 0:13:10.001 to talk with him. I was wondering if we could 0:13:10.041 --> 0:13:12.281 do something a little bit outside the box here, because 0:13:12.521 --> 0:13:16.121 I understand what you were saying in theory. In practice, 0:13:16.201 --> 0:13:18.641 I'm struggling to comprehend it the little bit more So, 0:13:18.681 --> 0:13:21.081 can we do a bit of role playing here? Can 0:13:21.121 --> 0:13:24.641 I be a teen who has not studied and listen 0:13:24.641 --> 0:13:27.081 to everybody that's always texting and you sound like you're 0:13:27.081 --> 0:13:30.041 twelve years old? I'm not. I'm well above twelve. I 0:13:30.081 --> 0:13:33.041 won't tell you how old, but I'm married and I 0:13:33.081 --> 0:13:36.921 have a house, So there's your gate. So can I 0:13:36.961 --> 0:13:39.281 be the teen who hasn't studied despite the fact that 0:13:39.321 --> 0:13:41.001 my parents have told me time and time again. I 0:13:41.001 --> 0:13:44.321 think this might be a good perspective for some parents 0:13:44.361 --> 0:13:46.961 listening to try and figure out how to maintain this. Okay, 0:13:48.121 --> 0:13:51.361 so we'll begin with you asking me how the results went, 0:13:51.481 --> 0:13:54.401 and we can skip past the sort of Okay, I'll 0:13:54.401 --> 0:13:55.401 just come right out and tell. 0:13:55.281 --> 0:14:00.041 You, Yeah, okay, co general Jesse, How did the how 0:14:00.041 --> 0:14:01.481 did you're inca results go? 0:14:02.281 --> 0:14:06.521 They're all right? English? Was achieved? Got not achieved in 0:14:06.681 --> 0:14:09.121 all the sciences though, and then not achieved in p 0:14:09.561 --> 0:14:12.281 as well, but then yeah, achieved in geography though. 0:14:12.721 --> 0:14:16.161 Okay, that's so achieved and not geography? And what was 0:14:16.201 --> 0:14:17.441 the other one? You said? English? 0:14:17.641 --> 0:14:18.081 Yeah? 0:14:18.521 --> 0:14:21.361 Yeah, yeah, okay, good good good? And and and how 0:14:21.521 --> 0:14:24.561 are you how are you feeling about the not achieveds? 0:14:24.801 --> 0:14:26.761 All right? 0:14:29.681 --> 0:14:32.681 Were you? Were you surprised? Like? Did you is that 0:14:32.721 --> 0:14:35.841 what you kind of expected you would get? Or were 0:14:35.841 --> 0:14:38.561 you hoping for an achieved or what was the deal? Yeah? 0:14:38.601 --> 0:14:40.521 I was hoping for an achieved. I thought I did 0:14:40.561 --> 0:14:43.801 all right for a merit but yeah. 0:14:43.881 --> 0:14:47.161 Yeah, yeah yeah yeah what what what do you reckon 0:14:47.281 --> 0:14:49.161 lead to that kind of the not achieved? 0:14:50.161 --> 0:14:52.761 Ah? I suppose I could have studied a little bit harder. 0:14:53.361 --> 0:14:58.001 Mm hmmm. How did that was? Was? Was it? How 0:14:58.001 --> 0:14:59.721 did well? How did you? How did you go? How 0:14:59.721 --> 0:15:02.841 did you get on so well with geography and English? Well? 0:15:02.881 --> 0:15:05.441 I like those, you know, I feel like I'm good 0:15:05.441 --> 0:15:08.521 at English geography. I know about erosion and stuff. It's 0:15:08.561 --> 0:15:10.441 just those other ones. Yeah, I just didn't really get 0:15:10.481 --> 0:15:12.361 it because they didn't get it, didn't study as much. 0:15:13.001 --> 0:15:16.281 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think too. During the year you 0:15:16.441 --> 0:15:18.601 kind of said that that those are a little bit 0:15:18.641 --> 0:15:21.241 harder for you and you're not quite enjoying them as 0:15:21.321 --> 0:15:26.281 much as your other subjects. Is there anything that like, 0:15:26.601 --> 0:15:30.401 you know, I mean, they're done now, can't we can't 0:15:30.481 --> 0:15:32.561 change results, and you know, I'm a bit bummed about them, 0:15:32.561 --> 0:15:35.561 but I'm sure you are too. What's your plan? What 0:15:35.601 --> 0:15:38.041 are you thinking of for twenty twenty five? Are you 0:15:38.121 --> 0:15:41.201 gonna Are you gonna or are you close enough that 0:15:41.281 --> 0:15:43.681 you could get a few credits over summer school or 0:15:43.681 --> 0:15:45.041 something like that, or are you going to have to 0:15:45.081 --> 0:15:46.801 repeat those completely for the year. 0:15:47.081 --> 0:15:49.721 No, well I can repeat them next year, but or 0:15:49.761 --> 0:15:51.601 I could do them in summer school. I was close 0:15:51.681 --> 0:15:53.761 enough that it wasn't a complete rad off. 0:15:53.801 --> 0:15:56.721 So okay, okay, cool, Well watch what's what? What do 0:15:56.721 --> 0:15:58.521 you what do you reckon? You want to do? What's 0:15:58.601 --> 0:16:00.881 what's a good plan? I mean, I'm you know, I can. 0:16:01.401 --> 0:16:04.481 We're going to support you whatever, right you're You're You're 0:16:04.521 --> 0:16:08.481 our sun. It sounds weird, doogle. 0:16:08.521 --> 0:16:10.561 That was phenomenal. You did a great job. I felt like, 0:16:10.601 --> 0:16:13.241 I feel very mentored by you right now and how 0:16:13.281 --> 0:16:15.721 you've brought it back that was fantastic. And we're getting 0:16:15.761 --> 0:16:17.761 a couple of texts coming through about how well we 0:16:17.801 --> 0:16:20.601 did that, So you know the oxen, but I do 0:16:20.681 --> 0:16:24.201 I like how you You weren't too probing, you know, 0:16:24.281 --> 0:16:26.761 and you let even though I was a bratty, little 0:16:27.241 --> 0:16:30.361 emotional team, you let me lead the conversation. And at 0:16:30.361 --> 0:16:32.241 one point I was even you know, you said, well 0:16:32.241 --> 0:16:35.041 what made you think? Why do you think that you 0:16:35.081 --> 0:16:37.121 got to that point? And I found myself saying, oh, well, 0:16:37.121 --> 0:16:39.281 I guess I didn't study very much, and instead of 0:16:39.321 --> 0:16:42.401 chastising me, you said, oh, well, what's the next option? 0:16:42.521 --> 0:16:45.121 So would that be? Your advice to parents is just 0:16:45.321 --> 0:16:48.161 letting the kids and the teens lead the conversation and 0:16:48.201 --> 0:16:49.721 you just sort of chiming and where you. 0:16:49.681 --> 0:16:54.481 Can absolutely I think you know, parents of teens, especially 0:16:54.841 --> 0:16:59.001 parents of male teens, you know we've all had that, 0:16:59.321 --> 0:17:00.921 and you know you and I were both male teens 0:17:00.921 --> 0:17:03.161 as well, so we know what it's like firsthand to 0:17:03.281 --> 0:17:07.281 just be that grumpy all was fun? Right? Just you know, 0:17:07.561 --> 0:17:10.481 I think less is often more just creating that space 0:17:11.601 --> 0:17:13.961 for them to come to you. But the other thing 0:17:14.001 --> 0:17:16.041 that probably added to you and I doing such a 0:17:16.081 --> 0:17:18.961 great performance that no doubt we're going to get nominated 0:17:18.681 --> 0:17:24.121 award when yeah, is that there's not the emotional connection. 0:17:24.241 --> 0:17:28.161 And I think you know you're just just so listeners 0:17:28.161 --> 0:17:32.401 are clear, there's no biological relationship between your eye and 0:17:32.481 --> 0:17:36.161 so you're not really my son. So so, but but 0:17:36.721 --> 0:17:38.801 you know, when it is your kith and kin, when 0:17:38.801 --> 0:17:41.921 it's your kids, there is And I know this myself. 0:17:41.961 --> 0:17:43.801 I find it it's much easier for me to give 0:17:43.841 --> 0:17:47.081 advice to somebody that sometimes when it is to deal 0:17:47.121 --> 0:17:49.681 with my own kids, because for me, there's that emotion 0:17:50.561 --> 0:17:53.001 and and and I don't have that when I'm speaking 0:17:53.001 --> 0:17:54.881 to somebody that's not my own kid, because I don't 0:17:54.881 --> 0:17:58.241 have that personal connection. So often, as parents, when you're 0:17:58.281 --> 0:18:01.921 having these difficult conversations, one of the things is how 0:18:01.961 --> 0:18:05.961 to manage your own emotions. Like if I'm feeling really 0:18:06.121 --> 0:18:09.121 annoyed and brassed off at you, because actually you were 0:18:09.361 --> 0:18:11.681 you should have studied much more, and you and I 0:18:11.841 --> 0:18:14.641 both know that, and it really ticks me off that 0:18:14.681 --> 0:18:17.201 you haven't. And now look what you've done, and now 0:18:17.281 --> 0:18:21.681 what's going to happen this year. But that's that emotion. 0:18:21.961 --> 0:18:24.521 Expressing that emotion to you to your kid when you're 0:18:24.521 --> 0:18:27.441 having this discussion is not going to be useful for 0:18:27.481 --> 0:18:32.041 that conversation. They will know you're disappointed with them. They 0:18:32.081 --> 0:18:35.841 will know that you're that you feel, you know, down 0:18:35.881 --> 0:18:38.681 about it, just like they do. So for parents, it's 0:18:38.761 --> 0:18:42.601 often about managing your emotions so that those don't seep 0:18:42.641 --> 0:18:47.801 in and color the conversation in a different way. You know, yes, 0:18:48.081 --> 0:18:49.641 there will be a time as a parent that you 0:18:49.681 --> 0:18:52.521 need to let off your own steam about God, bluddy Jason. 0:18:52.521 --> 0:18:55.121 I told him to get on with his study and 0:18:55.161 --> 0:18:57.681 he didn't do it, and now look at him. But 0:18:57.761 --> 0:19:01.281 that's a conversation with another adult. You know, if you've 0:19:01.321 --> 0:19:03.521 got a partner, have a conversation with them, or if 0:19:03.521 --> 0:19:05.641 you don't have a partner, have a commonversation with a 0:19:05.681 --> 0:19:09.281 friend or a family member. But that's not the conversation 0:19:09.441 --> 0:19:11.721 to have with the young person because all they're here 0:19:12.161 --> 0:19:15.761 as your anger or your frustration. They won't hear anything else. 0:19:15.801 --> 0:19:18.441 So emotion management, I think is a real key for 0:19:18.561 --> 0:19:19.761 anything in parenting. 0:19:19.881 --> 0:19:22.201 Really, yeah, we'll be back after this. Thank you very 0:19:22.281 --> 0:19:25.321 much for your thoughts. So far Google News Talk z B. 0:19:25.441 --> 0:19:38.721 It's just about five point thirty News Talk z BE 0:19:38.921 --> 0:19:41.001 with Jason Walls filling in for Tim Beverage on the 0:19:41.041 --> 0:19:44.641 Weekend Collective. Before we get back to Googled, a couple 0:19:44.721 --> 0:19:47.641 of texts about our award winning performance. Then ha ha ha, 0:19:47.841 --> 0:19:50.281