Speaker 1: You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talk Sedby.
Speaker 2: So welcome back to the Weekend Collective. I'm Tim Beverage
Speaker 2: and this is the Parents Squad. By the way, if
Speaker 2: you miss any of the previous hours fascinating conversation with
Speaker 2: Nick good Or from core Logic just about the softening
Speaker 2: of the market and what's happening and what we might see.
Speaker 3: As a change when it's going to change.
Speaker 2: But you can check out the podcast A week in
Speaker 2: Collective on iHeartRadio, and also a really lively panel with
Speaker 2: Mark Chrysel and Shane to Poe as well, covering a
Speaker 2: bunch of things that he called Harker the pro to
Speaker 2: yes them right down to some slightly more mischievous topics
Speaker 2: shall we say, which I don't need to repeat again,
Speaker 2: but anyway, I check that out we podcast. But right
Speaker 2: now it's time for the Parents Squad and my guest
Speaker 2: is Sarah Chatwin, a psychologist.
Speaker 3: Hello, Sarah, liked it.
Speaker 2: You know, you know it's only because we've had the
Speaker 2: discussions at Sarah or Sarah and then and when my
Speaker 2: mind's racing suddenly it goes.
Speaker 3: All you just go to a bad default. Which one
Speaker 3: was it?
Speaker 2: Now I always have to assume that when the when
Speaker 2: the H is missing, it's Sarah. So anyway, welcome, How
Speaker 2: are you really good?
Speaker 4: How are you?
Speaker 3: I'm not too bad.
Speaker 2: It sounds like the panel was.
Speaker 4: Very you know, liberating and uplifting and energetic.
Speaker 2: If only we could have broadcast the bits that were
Speaker 2: in the ads, that would have been anyway. Hey, you know, look,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of in politics right now. And of
Speaker 2: course we've seen the Hekoy and there was a school
Speaker 2: principal who was encouraging kids to go on up. We've
Speaker 2: seen TV and xetic executives getting a bit of getting
Speaker 2: a bit of heat for going on it and posting
Speaker 2: on their social media.
Speaker 3: But at an early age.
Speaker 2: So obviously parents influence their children because they're their parents.
Speaker 2: But you know, while their frontal lobes are developing, managing
Speaker 2: their political views, encouraging and doctrinating them. You know, there's
Speaker 2: parents who make a point probably of trying to impart
Speaker 2: to their children why their view of the universe and
Speaker 2: the world and politics is the right one?
Speaker 3: Is there?
Speaker 2: Where's the line we should parents back off and say, well,
Speaker 2: you know, I do believe this, but actually I should
Speaker 2: probably let little Jimmy or little Julie make up our
Speaker 2: own mind.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let them be kids. Well, I mean, I think
Speaker 4: we've got to take age into consideration when you are
Speaker 4: thinking about, you know, indoctrination. I don't like that word,
Speaker 4: and I don't think parents should do that to children.
Speaker 4: But I think if you're talking about young children, I mean,
Speaker 4: is there really a need for them to be part
Speaker 4: of a political environment when they've got a lot of
Speaker 4: other stuff going on? And you're quite right, I mean,
Speaker 4: you know, minds are developing, but children pick up on
Speaker 4: their parents' emotions, and that includes responses to political ideology.
Speaker 4: So if there is a child growing up in a
Speaker 4: very politicized kind of environment, they are going to pick
Speaker 4: up on it. I think a key point is that
Speaker 4: if children of any age come to you as a
Speaker 4: parent asking questions, then sure open the pathways of communication up.
Speaker 4: If you are attending a political event as a family,
Speaker 4: well in who's to question that because that's a parenting
Speaker 4: choice and parents are obviously the architects of their children's destiny. However,
Speaker 4: you know, kids probably need time to just be kids,
Speaker 4: and they've got a lot to deal with and there's
Speaker 4: a lot of growth that occurs you know, physiologically, brain wise,
Speaker 4: and also they're not necessarily equipped. They are not equipped
Speaker 4: from an early age even in terms of you know,
Speaker 4: cerebral stuff to deal with huge and complex issues because
Speaker 4: they have very rudimentary brains that are still you know, in.
Speaker 2: Terms of unless they have been unless they are that
Speaker 2: special kid who's a huge consumer of history and politics
Speaker 2: and things, then really the view of the world is
Speaker 2: pretty limited.
Speaker 4: Hey, and you are not that child at five or
Speaker 4: four or six or seven. I mean, children's anxiety can
Speaker 4: be exacerpated by their parents' ideology indirectly and unintentionally. But
Speaker 4: kids can pick up on you know, anger or you know,
Speaker 4: robust discussion that tips over into you know, emotional stuff,
Speaker 4: and they can have heightened levels of anxiety. So I
Speaker 4: guess parents possibly just need to take a you know,
Speaker 4: take a breath, take a pause, and think, so is
Speaker 4: this necessary? Is this what I really want from my child?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So, look, I want to hear from you.
Speaker 2: We want to hear from you on eight hundred and
Speaker 2: eighty ten eighty How hard should you push your political
Speaker 2: ideals onto your kids? Because there is also the question
Speaker 2: that arises that, for instance, this is not political at all.
Speaker 2: But my dad was a forestry scientist and he loved nature,
Speaker 2: and look so do I. But he would often when
Speaker 2: we're going for a walk or something, he'd rattle off
Speaker 2: the names of the different species, and it probably meant
Speaker 2: the last thing I ever wanted to do was to
Speaker 2: be a forestry scientists.
Speaker 4: That right, he was probably hoping for the exact opposite.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think actually, to be honest, I think
Speaker 2: he was just sharing what he loved. But I think
Speaker 2: sometimes if you expect that you pushing your views onto
Speaker 2: your kids is going to mean that they're going to
Speaker 2: end up voting for your political sort of choices. I mean,
Speaker 2: rebellion does tend to play a part with kids, doesn't it.
Speaker 4: Well, certainly, if you're heading into those adolescent years and
Speaker 4: you haven't had a a specially good relationship with your parent,
Speaker 4: and you know there's a hard influence in a specific direction,
Speaker 4: you might find that absolutely kids will go in the
Speaker 4: opposite direction. But I mean, is that right to do
Speaker 4: that as a parent? Is it right not to just
Speaker 4: allow kids options and opportunities and allow them an understanding
Speaker 4: of all views and then see where it lands with
Speaker 4: that particular child. Is that not a more fair way
Speaker 4: to go about.
Speaker 2: I should share probably what I do with my kids
Speaker 2: in that. And they've asked a few questions and expressed
Speaker 2: different points of view because they've seen a headline of something.
Speaker 2: And I'll usually just ask them a couple of questions
Speaker 2: and say or I'll tell them, look, my opinion is
Speaker 2: slightly different to that, but I don't tell them that
Speaker 2: they're wrong. I say, you'll have to make up your
Speaker 2: own mind. I literally say that. I said, look, my
Speaker 2: opinion is this. I think you need to make up
Speaker 2: your own mind. But it's worth considering. Here are a
Speaker 2: few questions you could ask yourself about that. Why why
Speaker 2: are we not hearing that other side of the story,
Speaker 2: or why is that wrong? And can you imagine a
Speaker 2: situation where that person's point of view is just as valid?
Speaker 2: And then I leave it there, and the way they.
Speaker 4: Go, you're presenting your position in a more fair light,
Speaker 4: and you're giving them the opportunity to ask questions and
Speaker 4: have questions answered. So that's a dialogue, that's not a monologue,
Speaker 4: that's a that's not a type of indoctrination. That's giving
Speaker 4: children some information allowing them to run with it and
Speaker 4: then you know, I'm a great proponent of leave, of
Speaker 4: opening those pathways of communication and allowing children to come
Speaker 4: back to you, you know when and if they want.
Speaker 4: But I think indoctrination, no forcing kids to do stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh, indoctrination. It's such a strong word, but effectively I mean,
Speaker 2: I mean it's an inflammatory word, isn't it. But without
Speaker 2: getting carried away with ourselves, you could argue any form
Speaker 2: of instruction and telling your kids how the world works
Speaker 2: as indoctrination. I mean religions, the classic one. I mean, oh,
Speaker 2: I mean I've been thinking politics and almost almost ignoring
Speaker 2: the elephant in the room of what the big issues
Speaker 2: in life are. Because some might say that if you
Speaker 2: take your kids to long to church or not, I
Speaker 2: guess you're in I mean, most parents, if they are religious,
Speaker 2: they will it's not POSI fool around. They will indoctrinate
Speaker 2: their kids into their religion because they believe it's not
Speaker 2: just a question of political thing. They are convinced that
Speaker 2: this is the way things are.
Speaker 4: And then children come to a certain age, where as
Speaker 4: you say there could be rebellion, there is a lot
Speaker 4: more question asking. I mean, teenagers will not just sit
Speaker 4: there and allow their parents to say this is what
Speaker 4: it is, this is how it goes, this is what
Speaker 4: you will do. They say, But hang on, I feel
Speaker 4: like this or I want to do this. So there
Speaker 4: is a point where it becomes more of a discussion.
Speaker 4: So indoctrination, I mean, sure, you know, I'm not sure
Speaker 4: about people out there who indoctrinate. I don't personally know many.
Speaker 4: I know a lot of people who give kids options
Speaker 4: and allow them to have a discussion at an appropriate age.
Speaker 4: But certainly, as a parent, you have a responsibility to
Speaker 4: care for your children, and I guess some parents have
Speaker 4: different ways of doing that than others. But yeah, I
Speaker 4: think indoctrination is just another it's an inflammatory term. I
Speaker 4: mean influence.
Speaker 2: Istry slightly mischievously, but only you've got that mischievous look.
Speaker 3: It's a wonderful thing about radio.
Speaker 2: But yeah, but I guess that's the question about we
Speaker 2: want you. You want to influence your children to be
Speaker 2: good people, to have a good set of values, and
Speaker 2: to have successful you know, have I mean even defining
Speaker 2: success for them. It will be up for them in
Speaker 2: the end. But you want to set them up to
Speaker 2: be happy, I guess, And it is an interesting question
Speaker 2: as to how far you push certain things, because I
Speaker 2: know lots of people who have, for instance, very religious
Speaker 2: parents and they're completely non religious because somehow it didn't
Speaker 2: rub off even though.
Speaker 4: Yea, even though it was there. Well, I guess, and
Speaker 4: I've known families like that too, and I've I've actually
Speaker 4: been very impressed with the fact that the parents have
Speaker 4: remained on their course, but equally they've accepted that their children,
Speaker 4: you know, have made different decisions as they've become teenagers
Speaker 4: and beyond, and the family unit still works. It doesn't
Speaker 4: mean I mean, it's more about having views and being
Speaker 4: you know, responsible in terms of your parenting of young children,
Speaker 4: and then allowing children to kind of, you know, do
Speaker 4: their thing and make their own decisions as they age
Speaker 4: and as they get to a point where they're able
Speaker 4: to do that. But I mean, there is a reason
Speaker 4: that we don't let seven year olds vote.
Speaker 2: There is a rest Well, actually I would, I would say,
Speaker 2: and there's a reason we don't.
Speaker 3: After sixteen year old's vote.
Speaker 4: Well, that's right.
Speaker 2: I mean, how long have you really been around forming
Speaker 2: a bit of experience in the world. There are exceptions.
Speaker 2: I work with someone who's an exception to that it
Speaker 2: was politically active from quite an early age, but.
Speaker 4: Generally yeah, well, you know, life is all about continuums,
Speaker 4: so you are going to have exceptions and then everybody
Speaker 4: you know, everything else in between. But yeah, I mean,
Speaker 4: I think that giving children the opportunity to see all sides,
Speaker 4: to hear different stories, to gather facts from several sources,
Speaker 4: whether it's parents, grandparents, and then to you know, encourage
Speaker 4: them to make their own decisions under the umbrella of
Speaker 4: you know, of course there's influence you know in the
Speaker 4: family home and in the parental and family set up,
Speaker 4: but I just don't think pushing them into things and
Speaker 4: necessarily yeah, I mean, for a lot of kids, having
Speaker 4: a day off school to go to a political rally
Speaker 4: is just a day off school, doesn't mean that much.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, I'm I don't know what.
Speaker 2: I haven't crossed that bridge yet. If my kids wanted
Speaker 2: to take time off school to go attend a political rally,
Speaker 2: and I don't really know what I think because my
Speaker 2: as someone who's not quite at that cusp of making
Speaker 2: those decisions, Yeah, I would lean to you, blomen whilest
Speaker 2: at school and do your classes. You take time off
Speaker 2: when you're second when you've got Yeah, I think schools
Speaker 2: for school.
Speaker 3: You read about it in the news.
Speaker 4: You know, and you can see it online. You can
Speaker 4: access you know, the visuals and the input another way
Speaker 4: without taking time off.
Speaker 2: I can imagine the only it would be probably cause related.
Speaker 2: If if the cause was I want to be able
Speaker 2: to vote at sixteen versus eighteen, maybe I'd say, okay.
Speaker 3: If you really feel it strong. None, I think i'd
Speaker 3: be nut. But I don't know.
Speaker 2: I could change my mind on that one and flip
Speaker 2: flop you what did you do as a as a
Speaker 2: mum with did you ever have to face those.
Speaker 4: No, I actually didn't know. That wasn't something I came
Speaker 4: up against. I probably would have had the discussion because
Speaker 4: I really like leaving those pathways of communication open. But
Speaker 4: I think that it would depend for me on the
Speaker 4: child on the day, what they had going on at school.
Speaker 4: For example, if it was a teacher's only day, no
Speaker 4: problem there because they're not at school. If it was
Speaker 4: an exam day, no, I.
Speaker 3: Think that's an easy one.
Speaker 2: Okay, you've got an exam line.
Speaker 4: Well, but if it was equally, if it was a
Speaker 4: class that I felt they needed to attend, because perhaps
Speaker 4: that was a subject that they found difficult. No, I
Speaker 4: would probably say, probably go to school. What are your
Speaker 4: reasons for you know, because this is really important in
Speaker 4: terms of your ongoing education. You can access the information
Speaker 4: on the TV, through a print media or online, so
Speaker 4: there are options where by children don't have to miss
Speaker 4: out on school or things like that. But of course
Speaker 4: there are also family dictates, and a lot of families,
Speaker 4: you know, think it's important for their children to be
Speaker 4: part of a ekoi or a political event or something
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 2: The question around attending a protest is I guess it's
Speaker 2: just what are the questions you would ask as a
Speaker 2: parent for yourself as to how you responded to that.
Speaker 2: And I think what you've suggested, Yeah, if they've got
Speaker 2: some important classes age wise, I mean, look, if they're
Speaker 2: eight or nine and then whatever to protest, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you're kidding. But when you get to the say fifteen
Speaker 2: or sixteen or seventeen, maybe there is a nuance to
Speaker 2: that you can be a little flexible.
Speaker 4: And I think that if you're an authoritative parent and
Speaker 4: you choose that more flexible parenting style, then you will
Speaker 4: be open to having conversations with your children. I mean
Speaker 4: children can benefit or so the research suggests, from learning
Speaker 4: to be open to different viewpoints even if you don't
Speaker 4: agree with them and they don't agree with them, but
Speaker 4: just letting that information wash over them, seeing how it lands,
Speaker 4: seeing how to fix them can be you know, enlightening
Speaker 4: at the very least.
Speaker 3: Okay, we want to have from you on the political front.
Speaker 2: If your kids want to go and join a protest,
Speaker 2: is it something you should encourage or Tom, you know what,
Speaker 2: stay at school. You've got other priorities. You can protest
Speaker 2: when you've when you've got a job, your employee gives
Speaker 2: your permission, I don't know, give us a call. And
Speaker 2: in terms of your own political opinions, how much should
Speaker 2: you push those on your kids? Given that it might
Speaker 2: not be a winning scenario If they're this type of
Speaker 2: child who is likely to say what a mum and
Speaker 2: dad believe, I'll do exactly the opposite. So it's not
Speaker 2: always a winning tactics. So what that starts?
Speaker 3: Do you take to that?
Speaker 2: I eight one hundred eighty ten eighty text nine two
Speaker 2: nine two. My guest is Sarah chap when she's a
Speaker 2: psychologist with now tell us where people can get.
Speaker 4: In touch with you, so mind work stock coo dot
Speaker 4: in Z. I am happy to answer any questions and
Speaker 4: I've had some lovely feedback from people listening to the
Speaker 4: Parenting Squad. You're quite a popular guide to with these conversations.
Speaker 3: I'll have to get you back things like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, it's twenty two past five News Talks ed B.
Speaker 4: Love me.
Speaker 5: Listen.
Speaker 3: Thank you so you can see.
Speaker 4: Stands so.
Speaker 5: Dostal you can see.
Speaker 2: Just welcome back to News Talks ed B. This is
Speaker 2: the weekend collective and the Parents Squad my guest to
Speaker 2: Sarah chap when she's a psychologist talking about politics in
Speaker 2: the home and how much you should shove your politics
Speaker 2: on your kids. And we're going to I think we're
Speaker 2: going to move to the with a a little bit
Speaker 2: more conversation. We're gonna take some calls in a second.
Speaker 2: But I think there is a good argument that maybe
Speaker 2: politics should be just left out altogether of the family
Speaker 2: home and talk about anything. But is something we're going
Speaker 2: to explore in a moment. But first let's take some calls. Matthew, Hello,
Speaker 2: hello there.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I agree that you should leave politics out in
Speaker 6: the home. Yep, where if you could come home and
Speaker 6: they say I want to go to this protest. A
Speaker 6: good question to ask them is why, what do they
Speaker 6: understand about the protest? What do they really understand? And
Speaker 6: where do they get the information? Is that a free
Speaker 6: that's talk them into it?
Speaker 4: And what is their motivation? Those are great questions, Matthew.
Speaker 4: That is exactly what I would be asking the kids
Speaker 4: if they popped up with that.
Speaker 6: Yes, and do they understand what it means if they
Speaker 6: get what they want? Do they really understand everything's interconnected?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 6: In protest about how the British came to New Zealand
Speaker 6: and colonized and it was a bad thing, you know what,
Speaker 6: I think it wasn't the greatest thing. But if you
Speaker 6: want to carry on that now you're actually dividing the country.
Speaker 6: So you've got to ask people what does it do
Speaker 6: for everyone?
Speaker 2: What would what would you say if they just said
Speaker 2: I want to go because my friends are all going
Speaker 2: and it sounds like it's an important issue, ask.
Speaker 6: Them the thing about it? So, yeah, okay, we'll go,
Speaker 6: but really and ask them to observe what they see.
Speaker 6: Ask other people at their process why are you here?
Speaker 6: And you'll find most people don't know why they're.
Speaker 2: Actually that's probably that's actually that is actually quite a
Speaker 2: good bit of advice, Matthew to just ask you because
Speaker 2: if you're going to go on this, talk to people
Speaker 2: and ask them why they're up, you know, why that
Speaker 2: they're protesting, and have some conversations because.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not a bad idea, but we do.
Speaker 4: Have to be aware of peer group pressure. It's not
Speaker 4: always the best reason to do anything, really, but I
Speaker 4: get it.
Speaker 3: It's yeah, yeah, thanks, we call mate, appreciate it.
Speaker 5: Jan.
Speaker 3: Hi, It's Jen, Yes, I know hello Jan? How are you?
Speaker 4: He got your name right? Jack?
Speaker 7: It sounded like a high parent. Now that's South Wellington
Speaker 7: Intermediate principle allowing their children the day off to go
Speaker 7: and join that protest in Wellington. The eleven twelve year
Speaker 7: old children, their parents will have to drive them into
Speaker 7: central City to the Parliament and if anything, if they
Speaker 7: can go by the last protest where it became extremely
Speaker 7: violent and dangerous all hell broke out. I think any
Speaker 7: parent that wants to go in there and risk putting
Speaker 7: their children through all that sort of helf need to
Speaker 7: have their heads checked.
Speaker 3: Actually, that is a point, isn't it.
Speaker 7: At school as well?
Speaker 3: That is a point.
Speaker 2: Actually, if there's a potential for violence and things, I
Speaker 2: mean we can think about that, we can think about
Speaker 2: protests that have gone the wrong way. I hadn't even
Speaker 2: thought about that from that personal.
Speaker 4: Safety and that's what parents have.
Speaker 7: To play with them as well. So it's a very
Speaker 7: bad decision making. The better thing those parents need to
Speaker 7: take their children home and keep them right out of it.
Speaker 7: That's my opinion.
Speaker 2: Well, because we've got that, thanks, thanks Jans Jan, because
Speaker 2: we've got that issue where yeah, the Wellington Girls principal,
Speaker 2: Oh no, sorry, there's sorry, there's a there are some
Speaker 2: there was a principal who was encouraging kids to go
Speaker 2: on the protest or the he coin things like that,
Speaker 2: and let's keep the politics out of it. But I
Speaker 2: tend to think, well, there's a political aspect of that
Speaker 2: that school principles should simply keep. I mean, as public servants,
Speaker 2: you should keep your own thoughts and encouragements on politics
Speaker 2: out of it.
Speaker 4: But also, how do they know the setup in each
Speaker 4: one of those children's families. I mean, there may not
Speaker 4: have been mum and dad's available, as Jan mentioned, to
Speaker 4: get the children to point a and to have them
Speaker 4: monitor and look after them. And equally, she pointed out
Speaker 4: she made a valid point about violence or if something happens,
Speaker 4: I mean, maybe even somebody carrying a glass bottle or
Speaker 4: something breaks and it cuts. I mean, there are so
Speaker 4: many things that can happen, and we really need to
Speaker 4: look after our children. And of course, again age dependent,
Speaker 4: you can't just be putting children up for this. It
Speaker 4: has to be a well thought out and strategized kind
Speaker 4: of plan if you are a parent that wants your
Speaker 4: children your child to engage in this.
Speaker 3: There is another angle you mentioned.
Speaker 2: We were just chatting before we came back on air,
Speaker 2: and it's about how political discussions around in the home
Speaker 2: actually can be the cause of anxiety in kids, and
Speaker 2: maybe there's an to just avoid it all together.
Speaker 4: Well, there is an argument for that. I'm not sure
Speaker 4: you know whether some families who are politicized would react
Speaker 4: to that. But what I think we've got to understand
Speaker 4: is children's brains are developing. They don't have, you know, experience,
Speaker 4: and it's very age dependent. And I think they are
Speaker 4: not only listening to their parents' words, they're sensitive to
Speaker 4: their parents' facial expressions and tone of voice. So you know,
Speaker 4: a lot of political conversations get fairly aggressive, and you know,
Speaker 4: the tone is raised and it can become quite volatile,
Speaker 4: and children are very sensitized to this. So when I
Speaker 4: was looking at the research term, I do do a
Speaker 4: bit of prep for these, you know, I know you
Speaker 4: wouldn't believe it, would you, but I do. I was
Speaker 4: reading over and over again that the research suggests that,
Speaker 4: you know, these kind of conversations, particularly for children ten
Speaker 4: and under, are quite anxiety provoking. So that's not what
Speaker 4: I'd want to put my kid through.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, as soon as you mentioned that about the anxiety,
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just especially if I mean, I don't
Speaker 2: know how couples go and they've got different points of
Speaker 2: view on politics. Probably they don't talk about politics, i'd
Speaker 2: say most of the time. But as soon as you
Speaker 2: mentioned the prospects for a bit of anxiety, I suddenly thought, actually,
Speaker 2: you know what, I just keep the political talk well
Speaker 2: out of it.
Speaker 4: Well, that also speaks too, adults not bringing children into
Speaker 4: adult conversation, and that is dictated by the culture of
Speaker 4: the family. For example, there are a lot of families,
Speaker 4: particularly families you know, undergoing a little bit of you know,
Speaker 4: whether it's separation or those kind of issues where parents
Speaker 4: bring children and sometimes small children are four, five, six
Speaker 4: to ten into adult conversation and it's just not right.
Speaker 4: Children don't cope well with that. They want to be children.
Speaker 4: In fact, I was talking to a colleague about this
Speaker 4: issue and he said that some kids actually feel like
Speaker 4: they'd like to go and live in a desert island
Speaker 4: rather than hear mum and dad you know, fight or
Speaker 4: get aggressive about politics or religion or any of those things.
Speaker 4: They just don't want to be part of it.
Speaker 2: That also ties into just arguing in front of the
Speaker 2: kids actually, and how much you should avoid that, because
Speaker 2: how much should you avoid having because there is that
Speaker 2: example of you know, not avoiding reality that of course
Speaker 2: mum and dad are going to have arguments, but we
Speaker 2: love each other and we talk and seeing you also
Speaker 2: work it out as well.
Speaker 4: Yes, well that's nice if parents, well it's not nice
Speaker 4: to argue, but if parents argue and then are able
Speaker 4: to explain to their children why it happened, and you know,
Speaker 4: tempers were a bit afraid, and I was a bit tired,
Speaker 4: and you know, we got into this and we're terribly sorry.
Speaker 4: We shouldn't do this.
Speaker 2: All the time.
Speaker 4: That's okay. But a lot of parents argue and then
Speaker 4: just leave their kids anchored to that space without any
Speaker 4: explanation or kindness around how to get out of that space.
Speaker 4: So we've got to Yeah, I mean, I don't think
Speaker 4: arguing in front of kids is what we want, but
Speaker 4: certainly it is part of that family landscape. But if
Speaker 4: you can talk to your children about what happens and
Speaker 4: that there is a lot of love in the situation,
Speaker 4: and you know, these things do pop up from time
Speaker 4: to time. But I mean, if you're exposing children to
Speaker 4: aggressive political talk or you know, volatile conversations, I don't
Speaker 4: think that's going to end well for their psychological or
Speaker 4: you know, psycho emotional well being.
Speaker 2: Okay, look, let's take some more calls on this.
Speaker 5: Pete, Hello, they great, Hi, Pete can look. I just
Speaker 5: want to say quickly, me and my son he's he three.
Speaker 5: Now we've got a mocapoon a grandson. He's ten, lovely
Speaker 5: and I go around the once a week to stay overnight.
Speaker 5: So me and my son two a bit of meat
Speaker 5: of the old said and talk about politics. But we
Speaker 5: don't do it in aggressive men. It's call and nice. No,
Speaker 5: I say the good stuff. I talk back there, Timber,
Speaker 5: I'm just saying dim he does that. He didn't in
Speaker 5: my son when he was eight years of age, John
Speaker 5: the serious protast with the GE proteast genetic engineered food,
Speaker 5: and the any thing I told him was that GE
Speaker 5: food is pressed to food in we're proteasting, they have
Speaker 5: real food. Really stated, Well, it's basically where we're talking
Speaker 5: them about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, did you explain that you've been eating a
Speaker 2: lot of GE food because you probably have been, Pete.
Speaker 3: But anyway, Hey, thanks for call th right.
Speaker 2: Regarding as if you text here, indoctrination isn't needed for
Speaker 2: the children of the wealthy who tend to automatically.
Speaker 3: Oh, this is an interesting one. It does sound a
Speaker 3: little loteresting. Well okay, okay, I'll start it again.
Speaker 2: Indoctrination. Indoctrination isn't needed for the children of the wealthy
Speaker 2: who tend to automatically lean to the right, because it's
Speaker 2: the ideology that suits the continuance of the status quo
Speaker 2: that allows their ongoing comfort. Regards Owen, I think that's
Speaker 2: one hundred percent wrong, and I think that the kids
Speaker 2: who the kids who haven't had to work for the
Speaker 2: money can be quite free with their political values because
Speaker 2: easy coming. It's I think you will often find that
Speaker 2: kids who are born into wealth can quite comfortably be
Speaker 2: to the left side of the ledger because and their
Speaker 2: parents might be to the right because they'll have a
Speaker 2: view as to what got them there and et cetera,
Speaker 2: and they might be leaning conservatively.
Speaker 3: But I don't know.
Speaker 4: I think Owen got very deep and of course you
Speaker 4: can make broad generalizations like that, and I'm not sure
Speaker 4: that that's helpful as it and I.
Speaker 2: Somehow think that, I don't know, we've just had cold
Speaker 2: planned town. I'm guessing that Chris Martin, Gwyneth Powtrow's kids
Speaker 2: probably mildly liberal, and their liberal and left in their
Speaker 2: points of view, and.
Speaker 4: Yet gazillionaires, well maybe not.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Thanks for your text on that, Tim, Brain development
Speaker 2: miss is the concept of consequences until about twenty five
Speaker 2: years old. Based on this, voting, smoking, drinking should be
Speaker 2: all pushed out to twenty five years Well, you can
Speaker 2: make an.
Speaker 3: Argument for that.
Speaker 4: I actually think you can make an argument for that,
Speaker 4: because who was that Texter? Did we have a name?
Speaker 2: L K LK?
Speaker 4: You know so much research suggests that, you know, the
Speaker 4: brain is an ongoing and very unknown landscape, even for
Speaker 4: the best of neurosurgeons and doctors. So yeah, there is
Speaker 4: an argument to be made for pushing things like certainly
Speaker 4: you know, alcohol, drugs, anything like that, not that you
Speaker 4: should probably stay away from all of that, tim to
Speaker 4: be honest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, another one here. My eleven year old son came
Speaker 2: home from school on Friday and his teacher was talking
Speaker 2: about the protest. One kid said, why are they protesting?
Speaker 2: And the teacher's answer was, David Seymour was trying to
Speaker 2: steal all of our land because we owned all That's
Speaker 2: who reckoning to primary school kids.
Speaker 3: Oh out, wow, that's just the teachers an idiot.
Speaker 4: Well that's really not I mean, if you look at
Speaker 4: the research, language like that is quite anxiety provoking. That's
Speaker 4: not empowering children to handle a situation. That's not encouraging
Speaker 4: them to listen to each other and to understand other
Speaker 4: people's points of view. So that's clearly not a great
Speaker 4: stance to take as a teacher. That's very a biased stance, right.
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, I'm forgetting whether you agree with the opinion
Speaker 2: or not, just the fact that a teacher would express
Speaker 2: that political opinion to kids who she's she or he
Speaker 2: are responsible for teaching. I think is should be a
Speaker 2: sackable offense, to be honest. But anyway, that's me being
Speaker 2: a little bit inflammatory. But I frown upon it, so
Speaker 2: we put it that way. Twenty two minutes to six,
Speaker 2: News Talk said, be we'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 2: We loved your cause that The simple question is around
Speaker 2: the politics. I think the clearest way to put it
Speaker 2: is in the families? Is politics best left out altogether?
Speaker 2: Because you know what political discussions? Are they ever really
Speaker 2: that happy? Are you just contributing to the anxiety of
Speaker 2: your household? Leave it out, Just talk about something else.
Speaker 2: I don't know the weather, how their sports going, how
Speaker 2: their English is going, or you know, the maths or whatever,
Speaker 2: anything but politics.
Speaker 3: What do you reckon?
Speaker 2: Oh, one hundred and eighty ten to eighty twenty two
Speaker 2: minutes to six, and welcome back to the Weekend Collective.
Speaker 2: I'mton Beveridge. I think if from Man Travers is planning
Speaker 2: on doing any coldplay, we've stolen most of his thunder
Speaker 2: by playing for your coldplayer songs, so I'm not sure
Speaker 2: what he's got planned From my day, but we'll maybe
Speaker 2: have a quick chat with him or work it out.
Speaker 2: So I can just give you a little teaser. But
Speaker 2: this is the parents Squad, my guest to Sarah Chat
Speaker 2: when she's a psychologist with Mind Works, and we're talking
Speaker 2: about whether you should leave political discussion basically out of
Speaker 2: the family home or are you one of those parents
Speaker 2: who you know you believe in the ex political party
Speaker 2: and you're going to tell your kid why they should
Speaker 2: follow along in your footsteps as well, because it's the
Speaker 2: only way to look at life.
Speaker 3: Eight hundred eighty ten. Eight Oh.
Speaker 2: By the way, Steve asked me some forgot asks me
Speaker 2: if I've got COVID because he's heard me calping in
Speaker 2: the ground there. No, I don't, Steve, Thanks for asking.
Speaker 3: It's just one of those bugs I know, just that
Speaker 3: Eric of a little about three or four weeks ago.
Speaker 3: Every now and again, it's just irritating.
Speaker 4: But no, it's not nice.
Speaker 3: I don't think I'm the only one.
Speaker 4: No, you're certainly not just getting back.
Speaker 2: To the the the political side of things and the
Speaker 2: arguing in.
Speaker 3: Front of children.
Speaker 2: How do how should you manage that if your parents
Speaker 2: are thinking? You know, because obviously when you're in an
Speaker 2: argument from a mind, you're not really thinking logically because
Speaker 2: you're having an argument because you're annoyed and something.
Speaker 4: So as we've had this conversation and it's and it's
Speaker 4: gone on, I'm thinking to myself, Okay, what's one of
Speaker 4: the better case scenarios that we can work with? What
Speaker 4: about this for parents? What about parents? You know, mums
Speaker 4: and dads. They come together. They probably you know, they're
Speaker 4: not brought up by the same parents, are they, so
Speaker 4: they you know, they get mad, they come together, they're together.
Speaker 4: Whatever they have differing political political views, what say they
Speaker 4: are able to talk about politics whenever they want to,
Speaker 4: you know, amongst themselves. But why don't parents just wait
Speaker 4: until their children ask them and see what crops up?
Speaker 6: There?
Speaker 4: Isn't that a more organic way of children coming to
Speaker 4: a place where they actively either want to be involved
Speaker 4: because they're generating questions around it. So in more politicized households,
Speaker 4: you might be having slightly younger children asking the questions
Speaker 4: and mums and dads answer them. The research says that
Speaker 4: if children are asking these questions, it's great to answer them,
Speaker 4: but it's also extremely important to allow children the opportunity
Speaker 4: to see all sides of the issues and to acknowledge
Speaker 4: all perspectives. So that is quite nice. So I guess
Speaker 4: an answer to your question, maybe if mums and dads
Speaker 4: keep their views to themselves, that's adult talk. Over and above,
Speaker 4: say to the age of ten twelve, and then let's
Speaker 4: see when the kids come to them and start asking questions.
Speaker 4: When they do answer those questions, allow them as much
Speaker 4: information as you can give them, you know that's relevant
Speaker 4: and acceptable for that age group, and then take it
Speaker 4: from there. Is that not a more measured and reasonable approach.
Speaker 2: Another question here says what about the kids? What about
Speaker 2: for the kids themselves? Is it healthy for them to
Speaker 2: be learning so much at a young age, and obviously
Speaker 2: on the politics things, when they really should be focusing
Speaker 2: on some simpler things like basic maths and English.
Speaker 4: I love keeping things really simple. I think we have
Speaker 4: with social media. Things have gone absolutely crazy in terms
Speaker 4: of the input that children have, and it's not necessarily
Speaker 4: healthy input when you think of all of that, and
Speaker 4: it's so nice to be able to just decompress, you know,
Speaker 4: lean into green space, get out in the environment, play,
Speaker 4: get active, exercise, So politics would be down my list.
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, I've suddenly forgotten about the elephant in the room.
Speaker 2: That is probably the political issue.
Speaker 4: We've had so many elephants in this room till.
Speaker 2: There are there's a heap which makes up for the
Speaker 2: one that was shipped over to Australia.
Speaker 3: In Australia, I was sad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is the big issue around climate because that is
Speaker 2: one of the issues where schools talk about it from
Speaker 2: a science point of view. One would hope it's mainly
Speaker 2: from the science point of view.
Speaker 3: But.
Speaker 2: I think I'm not sure where to go with it
Speaker 2: because I'll be honest, sometimes when I see stuff on
Speaker 2: the climate on the news and it's, you know, another
Speaker 2: headline about something bad, I.
Speaker 3: Just switch it off doom and gloom.
Speaker 2: Because I think that it's of all the anxiety inducing
Speaker 2: issues in politics, it's probably the issue around climate change
Speaker 2: where kids are told there's this problem. If we don't
Speaker 2: do this, then you know, we're all screwed. And I
Speaker 2: really push back against that sort of narrative because it's
Speaker 2: so full of despair and negativity.
Speaker 4: Well, that's correct. I mean, there's a lot of things
Speaker 4: that are changing in terms of us stepping back from
Speaker 4: deficit to oriented approaches, which you know, you know they're
Speaker 4: sca mungering, and you know it's really harmful for children.
Speaker 4: Now you imagine a five year old hearing that, gee,
Speaker 4: if we don't clean up our environment, the world's going
Speaker 4: to explode. I mean, when we use a motive language,
Speaker 4: and we when we allow children of certain ages, you know,
Speaker 4: those younger age groups to listen to this, of course,
Speaker 4: it can have harmful and damaging effects. I've heard of
Speaker 4: kids having flashbacks and nightmares over this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: So I guess my generation was about nuclear war because
Speaker 2: we really were. My generation was terrified of nuclear war.
Speaker 2: I just say to my kids, look, you know, look
Speaker 2: at the amazing progress that humanity has made, and the
Speaker 2: things invented will find a way.
Speaker 4: There will be souts to navigate our way through.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I remind them of what, you know, because
Speaker 2: this generation catastrophizes everything as oh that's a summary, that's
Speaker 2: no sorry. At the moment, a lot of the stuff
Speaker 2: in the media is catastrophizing things.
Speaker 4: I agree, and I just.
Speaker 2: Say, well, imagine what it was like growing up in
Speaker 2: World War Two. You would have thought that that was
Speaker 2: the end. And every generation has these things. But we
Speaker 2: find our way through so.
Speaker 4: And also we take personal responsibility to do our personal
Speaker 4: thing for the environment, So you know, we pick up
Speaker 4: our rubbish and we do what we can do because
Speaker 4: that's all we have control over. So it's it's nice
Speaker 4: to be teaching those lessons to kids. But also yeah,
Speaker 4: you know, kind of debunking or down playing that really
Speaker 4: doomsday stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and chill out, mum and dad. If you
Speaker 2: happen to be a climate activist, don't give your kids
Speaker 2: all sorts of hang ups over it. And I'm not
Speaker 2: saying we avoid it, but yeah, but yeah, I think
Speaker 2: for me it's probably I leave the politics off the
Speaker 2: table until the kids bring it up.
Speaker 4: It's probably it's quite a nice reasonable approach to, you know,
Speaker 4: bringing that conversation. If that conversation occurs, deal with it.
Speaker 3: Then face Sarah.
Speaker 2: Lovely to see you again, Tom, I mean, Tim got
Speaker 2: it right. I know you did well done. If you
Speaker 2: want to check out Sarah's Sarah's work, or you want
Speaker 2: to get in touch, go and look for mind Works
Speaker 2: mindworks dot co dot nz.
Speaker 4: That's the one.
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll catch you again.
Speaker 2: We'll be wrapping sport in just a moment with Jason Pine,
Speaker 2: and this is News Talk seed B. It's twelve minutes
Speaker 2: to second.
Speaker 1: For more from the weekend collective, listen live to News
Speaker 1: Talk SEDB weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
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