1
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,680
Speaker 1: It's goods.

2
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,840
Speaker 2: It's the second of September in the Year of Our Lord,

3
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,519
Speaker 2: twenty twenty four. Welcome Rgie Bespoke you Doc. He's to

4
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,200
Speaker 2: the Daily Bespoke podcast today. We've got He's not here

5
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:46,800
Speaker 2: yet because it's their new system where week we start

6
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,320
Speaker 2: the pot and people come in and just we just

7
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:51,920
Speaker 2: throw them into the deep end, don't we.

8
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:57,120
Speaker 1: We've got got bloody Lance. That's right, Lance Yeah. Lance Bird,

9
00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,000
Speaker 1: former police negotiator Lance Bird.

10
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the author of a new book called Anxiety

11
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:10,200
Speaker 2: is a Worry. Yeah, Understanding and Maintaining Anxiety. Also wrote

12
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,080
Speaker 2: the book The Dark Side of the Brain, and he

13
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,000
Speaker 2: was a police negotiator for many years.

14
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,919
Speaker 1: I've been beavering away some questions or morning actually books,

15
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,840
Speaker 1: and so my first question is, and this is one

16
00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,080
Speaker 1: that I've crafted, what's it like to be a police negotiator?

17
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,160
Speaker 2: It's not bad? That is not bad? First question, and

18
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,360
Speaker 2: I ask him, oh, caf.

19
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,040
Speaker 1: He finishes the interview and walks out.

20
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,120
Speaker 2: How you know how people say that the world is

21
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:43,560
Speaker 2: more anxiety reducing than ever. I call bas on that.

22
00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:46,360
Speaker 2: I think it would be pretty anxiety inducing being in

23
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,880
Speaker 2: the middle of World War two, don't you And that

24
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,040
Speaker 2: would be pretty anxious time with your kids overseas fighting

25
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:57,880
Speaker 2: and wars, or being overseas fighting wars. The year was

26
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:03,360
Speaker 2: at five point thirty six when that Icelandic volcano covered

27
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,960
Speaker 2: the whole earth and blocked out the sun for a year.

28
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:07,920
Speaker 1: Stressful times.

29
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,600
Speaker 2: That was stressful, stressful in new crops, and you didn't

30
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,440
Speaker 2: know anything about what was happening, and you thought that

31
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,040
Speaker 2: it was the end of the world. And suddenly the

32
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,079
Speaker 2: sun didn't rise one morning. You're like, well, that's annoying

33
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,400
Speaker 2: because we need that. And then the plague kit because

34
00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,720
Speaker 2: the crops failed and people were unwell, and also the

35
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,680
Speaker 2: Roman Empire had broken down one hundred years before that,

36
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:30,920
Speaker 2: so it was just absolutely more rule, genocide and fighting

37
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,080
Speaker 2: all the time. But now people say that it's an

38
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,839
Speaker 2: anxiety anxious time. Why are people more anxious now than

39
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 2: they were then?

40
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,639
Speaker 1: Wasn't that the worst year? They sort of reckon, that's

41
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:45,040
Speaker 1: possibly the worst year ever in recorded history. Yeah, there

42
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,600
Speaker 1: would have been a worse year some other time that

43
00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:48,480
Speaker 1: we don't know anything about. I mean, those early days

44
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,320
Speaker 1: of Earth when there were just volcanoes going off the

45
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:55,040
Speaker 1: whole time, and there was no anything I was thinking

46
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:55,360
Speaker 1: about it.

47
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:59,280
Speaker 2: We sit in this false sense of security. I mean

48
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,040
Speaker 2: Lake Tope war was not created that long ago. I

49
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:07,160
Speaker 2: mean Marcus Aurelius's sun commedis was aware that something weird

50
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:07,600
Speaker 2: had happened.

51
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:08,880
Speaker 1: Was that two thousand years ago them?

52
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:13,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, roughly I think one one hundred and sixty

53
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 2: five or something ad AD. Yeah, So that's in the

54
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:24,400
Speaker 2: terms of geological and the Earth that is like that.

55
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:26,359
Speaker 2: So that means that could happen now.

56
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,560
Speaker 1: I mean less volcanoes now than they've ever been.

57
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,200
Speaker 2: Well, it's just that if you compact history, right, so

58
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:36,440
Speaker 2: the volcanoes go off, yeah, but you know, human in

59
00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:38,160
Speaker 2: terms of human lives and the amount of lives, and

60
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,960
Speaker 2: there was no one in New Zealand at the time.

61
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,840
Speaker 2: It feels like they don't go off that often, but

62
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:46,440
Speaker 2: they're still just going off in terms of the great

63
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:50,120
Speaker 2: march of time. So if one went off that long ago,

64
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:53,080
Speaker 2: it could go off tomorrow. And that that I mean

65
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,080
Speaker 2: that was written about in China, and it was written

66
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:58,720
Speaker 2: about in Italy that some weird ship was in the

67
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,880
Speaker 2: sky and it blocked out the sun and crops were

68
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,640
Speaker 2: fucked up, and that was just Tope wore blowing up.

69
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,360
Speaker 2: So that could happen. That happened. Now, that would be

70
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,760
Speaker 2: the end of our country. How did the fucking excuse me,

71
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:14,600
Speaker 2: how did the fucking kiwis and such survive that? How

72
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,360
Speaker 2: did all our fucking fauna?

73
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,320
Speaker 1: Maybe it didn't, maybe it had a bit of a changeover, but.

74
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:26,880
Speaker 2: The more were around when the first Polynesians arrived.

75
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,560
Speaker 1: It's true. Well it must have gone in a direction, right.

76
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,640
Speaker 1: So when the ash, the plumes and all of that

77
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,919
Speaker 1: stuff took off. Have you seen the wind?

78
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,840
Speaker 2: Have you seen that big that was? There's a lot

79
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,360
Speaker 2: of man so, yeah, I know, but there was. It's

80
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,320
Speaker 2: hanging out the back of commotists in Italy.

81
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. But when it went up right, Okay, so I'm

82
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,640
Speaker 1: just imagining this. I wasn't there, but what I imagined?

83
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:51,799
Speaker 2: Where were you or something?

84
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:53,080
Speaker 3: Me?

85
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, pray goo? Is therea that?

86
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:57,719
Speaker 3: I think?

87
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,080
Speaker 1: So it went up right because it was a mountain,

88
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,960
Speaker 1: Yeah was it? I don't know. It's the opposite of

89
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,640
Speaker 1: one now I think. I think it was a mountain.

90
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,800
Speaker 1: And so then it just blew the ship out of itself.

91
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,640
Speaker 1: But all of the ash and it must have gone

92
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,039
Speaker 1: on for quite a long time. It wasn't just a

93
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,719
Speaker 1: sort of a day or a week or anything like that.

94
00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:17,839
Speaker 1: It must have blown for quite a long time to

95
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,440
Speaker 1: blow itself completely. But in that time that that ash

96
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:24,960
Speaker 1: is gone, it's buggering off to Italy. It's buggering off

97
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,440
Speaker 1: to the rest of the earth. You know, it's not

98
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:29,760
Speaker 1: just sitting around. I mean, it's kind of work. It's

99
00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:34,000
Speaker 1: kind of worse for eventually, it's worse for all right,

100
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,120
Speaker 1: I see what you're saying, because it gets blown. It

101
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,039
Speaker 1: was like a long, thin place day one average for

102
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,560
Speaker 1: New Zealand. Yeah, I imagine ship. Did you see the

103
00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,560
Speaker 1: lightning storm that was last week in Auckland. There was

104
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:49,159
Speaker 1: one just above my house. The whole house rocked. I

105
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,680
Speaker 1: got quite scared. It was, you know, because you tell

106
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,360
Speaker 1: how far away it is from the distance between the

107
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,640
Speaker 1: flesh and the bank, because of the speed of light

108
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,279
Speaker 1: compared to the speed of south and this was.

109
00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:05,039
Speaker 2: Like flash oh yeah, right, it was quite fucking full on.

110
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,839
Speaker 2: And then all the alarm suit off on the street

111
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:07,480
Speaker 2: like a disaster.

112
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:07,640
Speaker 4: Me.

113
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:11,240
Speaker 1: Hey, something weird happened to me on Caroline Saturday morning.

114
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:17,920
Speaker 1: I was watching Hugo's rugby game and it was absolutely heaving. Now,

115
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,599
Speaker 1: like I'm talking to wrenchal heaving the kind of heaving

116
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,640
Speaker 1: that only normally lasts five minutes. It lasted forty minutes.

117
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:27,680
Speaker 1: It just kept going, going, going, playing rugby. Yeah, and

118
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,600
Speaker 1: then there was lightning and bang right above me, and

119
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:31,480
Speaker 1: I felt I had an.

120
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,040
Speaker 2: Umbrella risky and lightning mate or what.

121
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,440
Speaker 1: It was I meant to do? I don't know. It's

122
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,120
Speaker 1: going to be lightning.

123
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,520
Speaker 2: Better to get wet than get a bloody lightning stroke.

124
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:43,000
Speaker 1: And it felt it go through my through my thing.

125
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,520
Speaker 1: So your thing I felt go through my thing. You're

126
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:51,120
Speaker 1: downstairs the stick of my umbrella rod? Did it feel good?

127
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,800
Speaker 1: And you think? No? It freaked me out because it

128
00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,000
Speaker 1: was sitting on my shoulder and that's the but it

129
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,560
Speaker 1: gave me a little static like a well, I've got

130
00:06:58,560 --> 00:06:58,920
Speaker 1: a question.

131
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,920
Speaker 2: You did Hugo's team adept to the conditions and sort

132
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,000
Speaker 2: of shut things down and playing ten men rugby?

133
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,559
Speaker 1: They lost?

134
00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:07,400
Speaker 2: Are they fling flying it around like they were.

135
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,240
Speaker 1: Too focused on They were two at halftime. When they

136
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,640
Speaker 1: came in for the halftime huddle, there was a giant puddle.

137
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm going to say fifty percent of the

138
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,720
Speaker 1: field was underwater. Yeah, it was the next level, but

139
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,240
Speaker 1: there was a giant puddle and they all ran towards it,

140
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,480
Speaker 1: and then did they caught their hands behind their back

141
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,080
Speaker 1: and they all dived head first, sliding into the puddle.

142
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,800
Speaker 1: See I main, Come on, ye play rugby. You don't

143
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,520
Speaker 1: see the all blacks doing that deep. You're there to

144
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,640
Speaker 1: play rugby. You know you're twelve.

145
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,480
Speaker 2: Come on, I remember being playing in wet conditions and

146
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,160
Speaker 2: you would sort of engineer the entire situation so you

147
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,640
Speaker 2: could end up just falling into the puddle.

148
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,560
Speaker 1: If you were playing football on this, it would have

149
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:43,440
Speaker 1: been a disaster. They all just would have stopped, would

150
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:45,280
Speaker 1: have just gone into the saw a couple of cases

151
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:46,480
Speaker 1: the puddle.

152
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,760
Speaker 5: And lining up a slide tackle from twenty meters away

153
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:51,880
Speaker 5: so you can do it through the puddle.

154
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,040
Speaker 1: Did they still get their oranges? Yeah, they got the oranges. Yep.

155
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,600
Speaker 2: No, they still heat those oranges up and microwave for

156
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,480
Speaker 2: thirty seconds to give.

157
00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,160
Speaker 1: Them the mate. No mate, because it wasn't actually that

158
00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,640
Speaker 1: cold wheeling. It was not quite warm. But at the

159
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,560
Speaker 1: end of it, and this was quite shocking. Can you

160
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,040
Speaker 1: get that micro in front? Mate?

161
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,440
Speaker 2: Can you keep that a mic right close up to

162
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:11,840
Speaker 2: your mouth?

163
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,640
Speaker 1: You're looking out there? Anything you look at it and

164
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:15,040
Speaker 1: as you've.

165
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,200
Speaker 2: Seen about it, fished away from your mouth about fished

166
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,680
Speaker 2: away from miss just talk straight into my shoulder, just

167
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,040
Speaker 2: the front. Twenty five years broadcasting experience, and you still

168
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,960
Speaker 2: haven't worked out that if you start talking over here

169
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,280
Speaker 2: because you're looking at the girls walking past, you still

170
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:28,680
Speaker 2: hear something.

171
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:32,800
Speaker 1: You can still hear something to the front. I actually

172
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,480
Speaker 1: missed that to the front. People don't people showy as well?

173
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,920
Speaker 2: I was going to say that, Ellie, isn't your fashion

174
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,200
Speaker 2: runway for you to just ogle people what you're supposed

175
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:41,880
Speaker 2: to be doing a podcast?

176
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:45,440
Speaker 4: Mate, Mate, their eyes aren't below the bottom of their back, okaye,

177
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,560
Speaker 4: eyes up here.

178
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,640
Speaker 1: They can see through at us looking at them. I'll

179
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:49,480
Speaker 1: just put that out of there.

180
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,320
Speaker 2: I don't suppose you didn't put your neck out of quickly.

181
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,560
Speaker 2: You flipped around there, okay, you feel it? Right after

182
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:54,320
Speaker 2: the whiplash.

183
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,760
Speaker 1: As I was saying interrupted.

184
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,200
Speaker 2: To the front, two of the guys on this team

185
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,360
Speaker 2: that the chowy of what kind of from dirty water,

186
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,560
Speaker 2: puddle water, showy pard water dur the game, they did

187
00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,160
Speaker 2: a showy and recognition.

188
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:20,880
Speaker 6: He no, thanks, it's even worse from you what just

189
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,479
Speaker 6: turning around and going those thanks there was no offer.

190
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,880
Speaker 1: Made mash do not make a video of that. Do

191
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,719
Speaker 1: not make a video of that. So anyway they did

192
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,839
Speaker 1: it was one of them your sons or not. No,

193
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,880
Speaker 1: that's good, that wasn't. But I'm wondering whether i'd like

194
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,840
Speaker 1: to check and actually with their dads today and see

195
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:42,720
Speaker 1: what any of them got kept a bactor? Do you if.

196
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,480
Speaker 2: No see traits and young people that suggest how they're

197
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,000
Speaker 2: going to pave later on. If I see a kid

198
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:51,440
Speaker 2: doing a bog water showy, I'm like, that guy's going

199
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,880
Speaker 2: to be real party. That guy's going to be a

200
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:55,920
Speaker 2: good time at parties.

201
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,079
Speaker 1: Hondy p Is it anyone not done a showy here?

202
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,080
Speaker 4: Those will be the two guys that are going to

203
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,680
Speaker 4: attake a university, I'd say, yeah, out of that group,

204
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:03,600
Speaker 4: you have done a show.

205
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:05,760
Speaker 1: I've never done a show man. Have you done a

206
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:06,960
Speaker 1: show that makes sense to me?

207
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,360
Speaker 2: Have I done a showy?

208
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've done a show. Is it a relatively new thing?

209
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:11,440
Speaker 3: This show?

210
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,880
Speaker 1: I don't want to Yeah, I think it is pretty new. Yeah,

211
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,479
Speaker 1: in the last twenty years. I'd say it's pretty disgusting,

212
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:17,680
Speaker 1: it's pretty grim.

213
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,320
Speaker 4: I don't know if you really want to be doing one,

214
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,760
Speaker 4: especially like a football boot a footy booter for a game,

215
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,240
Speaker 4: especially worth e Coli.

216
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,080
Speaker 1: Water down at Western Springs? Is that what's in the

217
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,199
Speaker 1: water down there? Oh? Imnagine it would be. I mean

218
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,040
Speaker 1: it's got mud.

219
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:31,120
Speaker 4: Oh were you playing at Western Springs at the bottom

220
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:31,520
Speaker 4: of the hill.

221
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:32,040
Speaker 1: Yeah?

222
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,040
Speaker 4: Oh man, how does the water drain out of there?

223
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:39,160
Speaker 1: It doesn't. It's basically it's like the lowest point in Auckland.

224
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, because they were going to have concerts there a

225
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,040
Speaker 4: few years ago and they just keep raining and they

226
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,760
Speaker 4: can not drain the thing fast enough.

227
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,600
Speaker 1: During those floods, those Anniversary weekend floods, she was underwater

228
00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:49,360
Speaker 1: down there. Yeah.

229
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:50,800
Speaker 4: We're going to take a break and then we're going

230
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:57,880
Speaker 4: to come back potentially with this Lance burt It, that's.

231
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,800
Speaker 1: One that's main coffee. Welcome, Lance burt It. It's nice

232
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,040
Speaker 1: to see you again. Lance, Thanks so much. Great to

233
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,120
Speaker 1: be here. Lance. You've got a new book out and

234
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,640
Speaker 1: it's called Anxiety Is a Worry.

235
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,199
Speaker 2: You'll go to guide on living well and an increasingly

236
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:17,760
Speaker 2: anxious world, Understanding and managing anxiety. Interesting is that we

237
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,040
Speaker 2: were just talking before about this. It's funny how people

238
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 2: are more anxious now, but it's probably not the most

239
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,480
Speaker 2: worrying or anxious time in the history of humanity to

240
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,400
Speaker 2: live in real terms, if you know what I mean.

241
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,960
Speaker 2: Like so, say, for example, being in the middle of

242
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,359
Speaker 2: World War two would have been a more arguably anxiety

243
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,960
Speaker 2: inducing time, but people weren't necessarily as anxious as they

244
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:41,720
Speaker 2: are now.

245
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,280
Speaker 3: Because in those days they had to think, right, these days,

246
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,719
Speaker 3: we don't. We just somebody's done a video. Would you

247
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,280
Speaker 3: just ask me a question? I went straight to my

248
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,640
Speaker 3: phone to google it. Yeah, right, so you don't have

249
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:56,160
Speaker 3: to think you're not joining your prefrontal cortex. Ninety percent

250
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,240
Speaker 3: of the brain's effort's done in the background. They call

251
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:01,839
Speaker 3: it system one now, so that's the unconscious and subconscious.

252
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,720
Speaker 3: Only ten percent of our day is spent in our

253
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,840
Speaker 3: prefrontal cortex. Every fifteen seconds, our brain wanders off and

254
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,200
Speaker 3: we don't realize it. Right, So while I'm talking to you,

255
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,160
Speaker 3: I've already thought about I've got lunch, to reassure myself

256
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:16,760
Speaker 3: that I've stopped off in the right hair and got lunch.

257
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,600
Speaker 3: So the brain has about a fifteen second span of

258
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,400
Speaker 3: staying in the moment and then just wanders off.

259
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, and simulates a lot of it as well, doesn't it.

260
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,600
Speaker 2: So it's actually, you know, when you actually look out

261
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,040
Speaker 2: what you're seeing, a lot of it is just being

262
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:32,520
Speaker 2: made up.

263
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:36,920
Speaker 3: It's well, that's what anxiety is. Anxiety is fear about

264
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,760
Speaker 3: something that hasn't happened and will probably never happen. Yeah,

265
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,960
Speaker 3: it's always future based. That's the difference between fear. Fear

266
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,400
Speaker 3: is something that is real and you are going to

267
00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:50,400
Speaker 3: do something and you can see it. Anxiety isn't it

268
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,240
Speaker 3: Basically it's just inside your head.

269
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,120
Speaker 2: And what's the difference between anxiety and worry?

270
00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:58,360
Speaker 3: So worry so worrying. So the definition of anxiety is

271
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:03,840
Speaker 3: worrying thoughts. Right, anxiety is continuously worrying, and it's debilitating.

272
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:10,040
Speaker 3: We all get anxious, we all have anxiety, but true anxiety.

273
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,520
Speaker 3: But anxiety is not a thing. There's so many different

274
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,400
Speaker 3: types of anxiety. But the general thing we talk about

275
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,880
Speaker 3: with anxiety is it's overpowering. Now, most people who have anxiety,

276
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,720
Speaker 3: true anxiety, can't even get out of bed. Yeah, and

277
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,000
Speaker 3: they're just grateful they woke up in the morning. Wow,

278
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,839
Speaker 3: that's pretty it's debilitating.

279
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting because was it really originally is obviously

280
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,640
Speaker 1: a part of our brain that we needed to make

281
00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:41,960
Speaker 1: sure that we were protected against certain things that were

282
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,120
Speaker 1: going I mean, it was a lot of animals for example,

283
00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,160
Speaker 1: wouldn't it be able to experience.

284
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,559
Speaker 3: It's well, yeah, that's we're going to go with that

285
00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,280
Speaker 3: one hundred places. So animals do have a limbic system,

286
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,720
Speaker 3: but not not as advanced as are so all the

287
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,640
Speaker 3: worryings done in the limbic system now, dogs, dolphins, and

288
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,800
Speaker 3: horses have very advanced. So there's a connection between humans

289
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,720
Speaker 3: and those three us because because of that, Yeah, because

290
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,880
Speaker 3: because they have advanced the limbic systems from us. Well

291
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,480
Speaker 3: could be because because it is a part of the

292
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,000
Speaker 3: brain that grows what is the limbic system, So it's

293
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,120
Speaker 3: the what they call the emotional brain. So in there

294
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,840
Speaker 3: it's the basil ganglia, all these weird terms you've heard of.

295
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,520
Speaker 3: It's got the amygdala and our hyper campus and those

296
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,400
Speaker 3: are two big ones. So going back to your start

297
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:28,360
Speaker 3: of you know, we're wired. So our brain has one

298
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:30,200
Speaker 3: purpose to keep us alive. That's all it's there for.

299
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,400
Speaker 3: The informations just are nice to have, and it runs

300
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,000
Speaker 3: on instinct and that's in our stem. Our stem is

301
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,880
Speaker 3: hard wiring of the brain, and so it's wired to

302
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,400
Speaker 3: get up, go out, get some food, come back, clean

303
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,160
Speaker 3: the cave, have a feed, go to sleep.

304
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:44,600
Speaker 1: That's it.

305
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:48,240
Speaker 3: Just don't die six right, that comes along. So that's

306
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:51,280
Speaker 3: part of the Messlow's basic layer. Yes, that's all good.

307
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,400
Speaker 1: If you can get.

308
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,640
Speaker 2: Migler's fight, flight and fornication.

309
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,720
Speaker 3: Well yeah, well so that's what happens during COVID. That's

310
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,520
Speaker 3: why the COVID baby's right a sense of security by

311
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,280
Speaker 3: having sex. In other words, we're procreating, right, which is

312
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,480
Speaker 3: we are building the building humanity. We're adding to the population,

313
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,920
Speaker 3: of course, so we're wined for that. Now. The brain

314
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,640
Speaker 3: is continuously looking for danger to avoid it, and that's

315
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,680
Speaker 3: the purpose of the amigdala. So don't go down by

316
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,240
Speaker 3: the river. The last time you went down by the river,

317
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:21,560
Speaker 3: a crocodile came out to nearly ate you. So the

318
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:27,200
Speaker 3: brain registers river crocodile, Avoid all rivers or you will die. However,

319
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,960
Speaker 3: the brain doesn't register you got away from the crocodile.

320
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,800
Speaker 3: So what the brain should be reminding you is a

321
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,400
Speaker 3: doubt to that crocodile. Bring on the next one. And

322
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,160
Speaker 3: that's what we need to do today because we are

323
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,360
Speaker 3: wired to hide.

324
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, because say if you are invited, like in a

325
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,880
Speaker 2: very simple way, so you've got social anxiety and you're

326
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:51,280
Speaker 2: invited to a party and you don't go, your brain

327
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,240
Speaker 2: goes you didn't go, and you didn't die.

328
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,400
Speaker 1: So not going was safe and success.

329
00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,640
Speaker 3: So you get you get a reward of dopamine.

330
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 1: That was good.

331
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,760
Speaker 2: That was good, we didn't die. So let's just stay

332
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:05,840
Speaker 2: in our room. Now, that's good.

333
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:10,240
Speaker 3: So understanding neurochemicals and how they work on neurotransmitters, so

334
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,920
Speaker 3: we only learn from one dopamins the only neurochemical we

335
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,080
Speaker 3: learn from. Now what neuroscience, you know, brain imaging is

336
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 3: finding is that you get a reward by doing those things,

337
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,440
Speaker 3: but the brain is wide. Get to the top of

338
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,600
Speaker 3: the mountain, I'll reward you right, here's your dopamine. What

339
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,640
Speaker 3: we have to do today is start taking on dopamine

340
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,600
Speaker 3: more often and regulated amounts and regular amounts. For example,

341
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,680
Speaker 3: we now need to get dopamine when we plan to

342
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 3: do the mountain, when we start to organize things, we

343
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,720
Speaker 3: get people together, when we start to train and at

344
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 3: little short steps. Right now, what dopamine does, it's like

345
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 3: putting water into clay. It makes water and clay makes

346
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 3: it soft and malleable. Same with the brain. With dopamine,

347
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,760
Speaker 3: it's the only chemical we learn from So every time

348
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,120
Speaker 3: you do something.

349
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,120
Speaker 1: You learn from it.

350
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,360
Speaker 3: That's how we end up with procrastination. That's how we

351
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,720
Speaker 3: end up with worry. Now, every time you worry about something,

352
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,879
Speaker 3: it never happens, right, it never does. No, it's because

353
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,800
Speaker 3: the brain over exaggerates wor catastrophizing. So when it doesn't happen,

354
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,680
Speaker 3: your brain wi wards you. With dopamin it says, now

355
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,760
Speaker 3: here's the pattern. See something, worry intensely about it, it

356
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:19,440
Speaker 3: won't happen.

357
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 2: Then go, that's that's interesting because I read this book

358
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,440
Speaker 2: by doctor Judson Brewer.

359
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:26,440
Speaker 3: And you're anxiety.

360
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that's what he said. He said, it's

361
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:28,680
Speaker 2: close to addiction.

362
00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,680
Speaker 1: Well, it is addictive. Anxiety is addictive.

363
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,359
Speaker 3: Phones of addicted. I mean how many times we will

364
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:34,920
Speaker 3: sit here with our phone up. I don't I put

365
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,280
Speaker 3: it away now on purpose because I have addictive personality. Yeah,

366
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,600
Speaker 3: I can see you, I can see it personality.

367
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, terribly.

368
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 2: I actually I was down in christ Church and I

369
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,720
Speaker 2: met someone down in the hotel bar and I left

370
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,919
Speaker 2: my phone up in my room extentley, and I just

371
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 2: realized how addicted I was because I was sitting down

372
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:56,320
Speaker 2: there having this string. There was no reason I wasn't

373
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,680
Speaker 2: looking for. I didn't need any communication. But the whole

374
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,000
Speaker 2: time I'm sitting there, going know my phones in my

375
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:02,920
Speaker 2: room and not here. I know my phones in the room,

376
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:03,360
Speaker 2: not here.

377
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:04,440
Speaker 1: Rings.

378
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's I was fighting the urge to get

379
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,240
Speaker 2: in the lift and go up and get my phone.

380
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 2: And then finally I did. He went to the toilet,

381
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,640
Speaker 2: this guy, and I went up straight up the lift,

382
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,159
Speaker 2: got my phone, came back down and there was two

383
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,760
Speaker 2: pointless text messages on there, and I thought, Jesus Christ.

384
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:21,080
Speaker 3: You gotta right, And this is this is what's leading

385
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,520
Speaker 3: to our young having more anxiety than anyone else. There's

386
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,520
Speaker 3: a number of factors involved. Number one, we're born curious,

387
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,199
Speaker 3: and we satisfy that curiosity and every way. And now

388
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 3: I'm sitting in front of you talking and you have

389
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:37,160
Speaker 3: a whole selection of Britannica encyclopedias.

390
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 2: It's a lot of a pat That's how we used to.

391
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,919
Speaker 3: I used to if I wanted something, I had to

392
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 3: go there and look it up. Old bollocks to that,

393
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 3: I'll just ask somebody, right, we'll go and find out.

394
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:48,360
Speaker 3: I'll go and you know, put that cord on the

395
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 3: wall and see if I get electrocuted. That's how we

396
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,520
Speaker 3: learned a little bit dangerous, of course, But today we

397
00:18:54,640 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 3: learn from just looking and that we're satisfying, oversatisfying our curiosity.

398
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:05,600
Speaker 3: Therefore we're getting over amounts of dopamine and we're disconnecting

399
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,520
Speaker 3: and we have now more information in our brain than

400
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 3: ever in history, and so it's making us hyper vigilant.

401
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,320
Speaker 3: So I hear people talk about how young oh they're soft.

402
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:21,120
Speaker 3: They are not soft. They are hyper vigilant to risk.

403
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,040
Speaker 3: They know because they've seen it in videos. They know

404
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:28,120
Speaker 3: more about stuff. I've heard young kids talk on TikTok

405
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 3: and I'm thinking, you must have been a come back

406
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,119
Speaker 3: as as a child, but you're an adult. It's because

407
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 3: they know so much, but they over know and their

408
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:39,800
Speaker 3: brain hasn't developed to get to the capacity of being

409
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,359
Speaker 3: able to rationalize what those thoughts are.

410
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,800
Speaker 2: So because you see, like on TikTok and stuff, if

411
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:47,560
Speaker 2: there's any piece of violence anywhere in the world, like

412
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,879
Speaker 2: someone coming up and just punching someone, yep, then that

413
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 2: pops up and everyone looks at it. And then so

414
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 2: you're saying that, then the middleagoes that's risky, the world's risky,

415
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 2: and so walking down the street now as a risk

416
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 2: even though we shouldn't even know about that piece of violence.

417
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 3: And so this is the way it works. We end

418
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 3: up with these whole lot of irrational thoughts that we

419
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 3: never previously had. We you know, we're the sum of

420
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,160
Speaker 3: the five people we grew up with because in my day,

421
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 3: in particular, we didn't have all of this stuff. In fact,

422
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,919
Speaker 3: I remember when we got TV, our first TV. But

423
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,480
Speaker 3: when I talk with my generation about you know, a

424
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 3: lot of these young people, I just say, well, hang on,

425
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 3: we got TV. Do you remember when color TV came out?

426
00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: Yeah?

427
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, it wasn't that great. Did you go outside and

428
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 3: play silence? I know you didn't. And you we invented

429
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:42,399
Speaker 3: TV TV dinners so we could sit and watch TV

430
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 3: without leaving it because you'd missed something because you couldn't

431
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 3: record it.

432
00:20:46,359 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 1: Right.

433
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 3: So we've had our addiction. Every generation has their addiction,

434
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 3: and we have to learn how to use it properly.

435
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,240
Speaker 3: And you watch what will happens. As soon as we

436
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 3: show people how to you learn to use it, and

437
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 3: the brain will adapt, but we don't adapt by getting

438
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 3: to the top of the mountain as quickly. In other words,

439
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 3: total immersion into this stuff will not work. In fact,

440
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 3: scan the Navy and countries six months ago banned electronics

441
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,040
Speaker 3: and primary skills for use. So it must have a

442
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,600
Speaker 3: stylust because we're hardwired to write with a pen on

443
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 3: a piece of paper. You know, you give a child

444
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,239
Speaker 3: a pen, never seen it before? Where to draw? Leave

445
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:25,560
Speaker 3: it for an hour? Comeback, Where's child drawn? Everywhere? On

446
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 3: the walls and on each other? So we're did humans

447
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,400
Speaker 3: first learn to draw on the walls and on each other?

448
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,359
Speaker 3: So it's hardwired, right, So that's why journaling and that

449
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 3: sort of stuff is very very good for us. So

450
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:40,399
Speaker 3: coming back to the road and life itself, we have

451
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,600
Speaker 3: to be able to take on challenges. Now, it's sixty

452
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,439
Speaker 3: to eighty days to change a habit, so that's just

453
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 3: a normal habit. You imagine that that habit is Fear

454
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 3: is something that generally is irrational. It is made up

455
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 3: in your head and will never happen. It's hard for

456
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,439
Speaker 3: people to get out of that, so you have to

457
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 3: break it into smaller chunks. Now every time you do that,

458
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,480
Speaker 3: and you acknowledge them by ticking them off. And what

459
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 3: that does is regulate the dopamine. And it's a dope.

460
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,600
Speaker 3: Meat is a motivator, a human motivator. You know, you

461
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 3: have a list of things you want to tick off,

462
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 3: and you tick them all off and then you get right, well,

463
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,200
Speaker 3: I've done a couple of other things. You write those

464
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 3: down and you tack those off as well, And that's

465
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 3: just to get the dopamine. So it's about breaking it

466
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 3: down into small chunks and getting used to the uncomfortableness.

467
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:32,120
Speaker 3: We've got to try and get comfortable in the uncomfortable,

468
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 3: but we don't rush at it. Get thrown off a horse,

469
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 3: they say you should get back on it. Rubbish bollocks,

470
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,560
Speaker 3: because if the horse throws you have a second time.

471
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 3: You'll never go to horses and will do anything adventurous.

472
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 3: It's about getting back slowly into these things.

473
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 2: Essentially. I talk to the some neuroscientists at Oxford called

474
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 2: Dr Angela Ryanick. I believe, but I might be talking

475
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 2: about the beer there. But she does cognitive behavioral therapy

476
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 2: just by like if someone she's got to rip the

477
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: band age off approach. So what she does is if

478
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 2: someone's claustrophobic. She puts them in a cupboard, a cupboard

479
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 2: for you know, to do it all at once, right, Yeah,

480
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:17,160
Speaker 2: and so that's what she's doing, doing experiments on now.

481
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 1: Yeah good luck.

482
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well it's I think clinically it works, but it's

483
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 2: just hard day to day life for people to do it.

484
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's well from what the research

485
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,200
Speaker 3: that I've been doing recently is when you push things

486
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 3: like that, and you push them to the very end,

487
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,119
Speaker 3: you could end up leading them into PDSD, and it

488
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 3: has happened. PDSD is increasingly expert.

489
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 2: I think it's probably a bit different when you're let

490
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 2: in by people and white coats and they go, we're

491
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 2: going to put you in a padded thing were there,

492
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 2: and we're talking to you through rather than you know,

493
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 2: like someone just at home that's scared to go to

494
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 2: a party.

495
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 1: You know, like you hear grabbed by the hit.

496
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 2: But what do you think about that, like, because I

497
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 2: mean that's an approach that parents have, Like you've got

498
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 2: a kid, and I know lots of people have kids

499
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 2: that are just getting everything in their room. You know,

500
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,479
Speaker 2: they're playing game, they're on their phone, they're you know

501
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:08,479
Speaker 2: even finding their sexual activity in their room. And you know,

502
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 2: do you just grab them by the hair and throw

503
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 2: them out into the street.

504
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 3: No, you don't, really, no, no, no, no. Tough love

505
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 3: in all those programs do not work. It's about that

506
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 3: the child has to learn, and they have to learn

507
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,439
Speaker 3: at their pace. Now there's a book being written by

508
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 3: so USA. Can't think of us how to pronounce that,

509
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 3: but he's in the sixth edition Neuroscientific Way of Educating People,

510
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 3: and he talks about all of that's stuff. The way

511
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 3: we learn to change our patterns. That's out. This is

512
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 3: how the brain works. We have a one hundred billions of

513
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 3: billions of neurons in our head.

514
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 1: They look like oak trees.

515
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 3: One oak tree joins another oak tree joins another oak tree,

516
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 3: and that forms a pattern, right, and that's a hard

517
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 3: wide pattern. And what they're finding through he's finding through

518
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,400
Speaker 3: his work is with teaching, is that must be exciting.

519
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 3: So we must get excited about what we're doing. Very

520
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,679
Speaker 3: hard to get excited about getting pulled by the hair

521
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 3: and throw of the party. So he also and then

522
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 3: we go onto the other part of this. What neuroscience

523
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 3: is saying is when we get those release of dopamine

524
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 3: for achieving something small, it joins a new oak tree,

525
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:19,400
Speaker 3: a new a new sign AAPS connection, which is that's

526
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 3: a sign apps connection, so that we've got the sign

527
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 3: apps connections outed. So if you want to break a

528
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 3: pattern of any sort, you just break it into smaller

529
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: parts and each time you achieve, you slowly join off

530
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,439
Speaker 3: and you take your pathway, your neural pathway, on a

531
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 3: slightly different direction outside, and then you just you build

532
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 3: a new one.

533
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 2: Ah right, yeah, you build.

534
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 3: A new one to get to the end. And you know,

535
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 3: if you've got like anxieties, that's a general one as

536
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 3: social anxiety disorder. Well, that one is because I have

537
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 3: a fear of going to a party, and what people say,

538
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't go to parties. I believe it

539
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 3: or not. I'm an interview. I just I don't like people.

540
00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 3: We don't like being around people. It's really uncomfortable for me.

541
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 2: And you gave us a nice hug when you arrived.

542
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: Well that's just for me for you? What about Lance? Okay?

543
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 1: What about what about I mean, I'm currently in a

544
00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 1: situation with teenagers. What about kids? Because it's very very

545
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 1: difficult because I think as parents a lot of us

546
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 1: know that devices are in teenagers hands, left completely to

547
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 1: their own device, with devices that can be massively problematic. However,

548
00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,680
Speaker 1: for a lot of kids, it's a social connection through

549
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,720
Speaker 1: through Snapchat. And if you all of a sudden come

550
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: down on your children and say, right, you're not allowed

551
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 1: to communicate with us, or I'm going to monitor this,

552
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,600
Speaker 1: and all the other parents are not doing that, then

553
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: you can ostracize your children, and then you create a

554
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,159
Speaker 1: new anxiety, which is with their friends. How do you

555
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:45,640
Speaker 1: navigate that successfully?

556
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 3: Do you think the problem at the moment was I'll

557
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 3: take a leap here to go to the fact of

558
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 3: banning phones at schools. Right, So New York has just

559
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:01,440
Speaker 3: reversed that ban in schools because of the harm it's causing. Now,

560
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 3: when you look at the research about this, this is

561
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 3: adults reading research that adults have done. The reporting from

562
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,679
Speaker 3: children is self reported in those studies, so they are

563
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 3: It's one you've got poor information. Two you've got a

564
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 3: different mind thinking about that data and what you can

565
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:29,400
Speaker 3: do with it. We all base our I guess our

566
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 3: learnings are all based in our past. This is a

567
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 3: new world. People have to sort of understand the I

568
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: mean So what neuroscience done is it's fantastic. It's underpin

569
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 3: psychology now and psychologists are going back to relearn about

570
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 3: the brain because some of the things that they got

571
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 3: taught years ago weren't quite right according to the neural

572
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 3: part of what they've said, the way the brain lights up.

573
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 3: So coming back to your point, we all must learn

574
00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:00,880
Speaker 3: one thing, and that is discipline, because discipline provides us

575
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 3: with a sense of control. We fear one thing in life,

576
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,440
Speaker 3: and that's loss of property, loss of life, loss of dignity,

577
00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 3: loss of control. When you take something away, they've lost

578
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 3: control of it, leaving them with the phone and saying

579
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 3: don't touch it. It's the old marshmallow experiment from years

580
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 3: ago too. If you can stop, don't dig that marshmallow.

581
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 3: I'm not going to tee you how long, but if

582
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 3: you wait long enough, I'll give you two. And so

583
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 3: those that waited long enough got too and they got

584
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,640
Speaker 3: a double reward. And that's pretty much what we're talking

585
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 3: about here. Children. It's not their time on device, it's

586
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: what they're doing on the device. And some people use

587
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 3: it and I've got a close family member who's used

588
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 3: it to support to get out of depression with somebody

589
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 3: else overseas in Australia and another one in America, and

590
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 3: they've all connected together. Now that's what mobile phones are for.

591
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 3: That's what our smartphones are about. You take that away.

592
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 3: That's gone, So we don't we're not asking children what

593
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 3: you're doing. A lot of the researchers just generalizations. It's

594
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 3: not based on proper valid information. And so I've gone

595
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,160
Speaker 3: and looked at metadata gone right outside of the scope

596
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,880
Speaker 3: of anxiety. And then when I find a topic, I

597
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 3: go even further outside. I want to know more information

598
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 3: about And that's how you sort of end up with

599
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 3: something that I guess is a holistic approach to managing

600
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 3: that you put things back onto the person. So with

601
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 3: your teenager, you just put it back onto them and

602
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 3: say are you able to tell me what you're on,

603
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 3: how long you're doing it for, and why you need it,

604
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 3: and just explore why and say, yeah, what looks is it?

605
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 3: But just know that at the moment, until your brain

606
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 3: fully is adapt fully adapts, it's going to be open

607
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 3: to take you into different places. The way they've set

608
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 3: up all information and as you say, it goes to

609
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 3: this real negative place all the time. You know, the

610
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 3: most dangerous stuff. So what are you doing? When you

611
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 3: see that? You'll be surprised the number of well, you

612
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 3: probably won't be the number of teenagers that go, I

613
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 3: don't watch that stuff. You know, I doom scroll. The

614
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 3: reason I doom scroll on X is just because I

615
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 3: just kind of like the fights, and you know, I

616
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 3: was thinking what and I got there and I'm going,

617
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 3: what are you doing? Lance? Yeah, a sixty six year

618
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 3: old man doom scrolling fighting on X. There's something wrong

619
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 3: with your brain, boy, And I stopped myself and so

620
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 3: I don't do it anymore because it just it's actually

621
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:34,960
Speaker 3: wanted to avoid. But it's about giving them the opportunity

622
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 3: to control their own devices, knowing what the outcome of

623
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 3: it is if they don't.

624
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 2: So would you go? So would you set challenges where

625
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 2: you say, so you're on there? How do you feel

626
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 2: about that? Because my kids refit to their phones is

627
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 2: brain rot. They're like, oh god, a brain rot, and

628
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 2: that's something that a lot of their friends are calling it.

629
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 2: So I just did some brain roight, that person's that

630
00:30:57,080 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 2: person's And they kind of judge other people that are

631
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 2: on Tiktote too, match go, They talk about these people,

632
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 2: so you know, they kind of they know, they know

633
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 2: that it's bad, most of them. I mean, my kids

634
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 2: might be lucky in their regard. So do you just

635
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 2: say but I still see them on the phone. Like

636
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 2: I actually got home. I've been away for the weekend,

637
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 2: got home for Father's Day dinner, and I looked around

638
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 2: and both my sons and my girlfriend were on their phones,

639
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 2: sitting on the couch, and I was like, what the

640
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:26,120
Speaker 2: fuck are we doing here? Like, yeah, so do you go?

641
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 2: You know, you don't take the phone right off them?

642
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 2: But would you say you go get off the phone?

643
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 1: Now?

644
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 3: No, you wouldn't know. So when's a good time to

645
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,959
Speaker 3: get off the phone? Did you say that to them?

646
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 3: When's a good time to get.

647
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: Off the phone?

648
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 2: When's a good time?

649
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, when's a good time? Change your language? And they well,

650
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 3: now you're go, oh.

651
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's quite good. That's quite good. I quite like that.

652
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 2: So you don't get off your phone. It's Father's Day

653
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 2: of bloody young, grateful little shits.

654
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ.

655
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 2: I pay for everything around here.

656
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 3: Oh no, you're taking me back.

657
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 1: This is the weird. So you go, when would be

658
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 1: a good time?

659
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 3: When it's a good time talk.

660
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 1: Now, who's a.

661
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 2: Good time for you? You know, you come to me

662
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 2: when you've decided it's a good time to not be

663
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 2: on your phone.

664
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 1: Come out on the opposite of that as a period.

665
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 3: Because we're wired in vital flight. So you we're wired

666
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 3: to push to guide, to help, don't help people, help

667
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 3: people help themselves.

668
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 2: Right, So we learn our parenting is get away from

669
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 2: the edge of that cliff, don't You're right?

670
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 3: Exactly right, we've got to you've got well, you know

671
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 3: you need to go the near the air of the

672
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 3: edge of the cliff, but you do need to know

673
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 3: what the boundaries are, how close to the cliff you

674
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 3: can go.

675
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 2: This makes so much sense. So you say to them

676
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 2: that and then they go, oh, I'm going to do

677
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 2: the choice of putting my phone down to be part

678
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 2: of the situation. So I've of one that's round rather

679
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 2: than lost, if you know what I mean.

680
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 3: So it's always about giving them the sense that it

681
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 3: was my decision. Yeah, So when we when we be

682
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 3: good fust because you could also start with it's great

683
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 3: that we all can come together on Father's Day. Right,

684
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 3: that's a little snarky, sarci. And you walk past and

685
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 3: sit down and turn the TV on. Yeah, but I

686
00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 3: prefer the one is. Look, when when's a good time

687
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,360
Speaker 3: for us to all chat over dinner?

688
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: Paps?

689
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 3: In other words, And you've also given them a bit

690
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 3: of a guide as to when you're going to put

691
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 3: your phone down and the phones don't go to the table.

692
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,959
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, no, but no need for a phone at

693
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: the table.

694
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 2: But that is interesting. The worst thing you can do

695
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 2: is you're on your phone and then you decide you're

696
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 2: a piece of shit and you put the phone down

697
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 2: and go Jesus Christ. We all spend too much time

698
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 2: on our bloody phone. Everyone get off your phone. They're like,

699
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: I've just been copying you.

700
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: But I've got a worse thing. So what I do

701
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,400
Speaker 1: is if I'm on my phone, I don't even want

702
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: my kids to see me on my phone because I think, well,

703
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: if I'm on my phone, then they'll see that. So

704
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 1: what happens sometimes is I'll be in the lounge and

705
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: I'll be on my phone, and then I'll hear the

706
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 1: kids coming up the stairs and I'll be like, oh,

707
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: quickly put my phone down beside me. But then I

708
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: think about that, so I'm really being sneaky.

709
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 3: So I going to what now you're you're getting probably

710
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 3: a bit of quartisole with that. It's only a bit

711
00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 3: of guilt. I just went on my phone because we

712
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 3: were talking about phones, and then involuntarily, I just was

713
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 3: on my phone. Mine's always the way.

714
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: It's between me and Lance the whole time, and it's

715
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: been calling to me. But i've it feels good. When

716
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 1: you see it and you don't touch it is.

717
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 3: Something eff you've nailed it.

718
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 2: I was on my phone because this is what high

719
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:15,479
Speaker 2: schools are.

720
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:15,919
Speaker 1: About, right.

721
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 3: Banning it doesn't work because they're going to end up

722
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:22,920
Speaker 3: treat the street, the school teacher will end up getting

723
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 3: a they'll get the burn a fine. But there was

724
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 3: another phone somewhere else, and so they're misusing it. They're

725
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 3: getting rapid hits of it now in the bathrooms when

726
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 3: they get you know, in between breaks and things, they're

727
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 3: getting these rapid hits and and lots of lots of

728
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:42,120
Speaker 3: research out here around. Look, the discipline that we're trying

729
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 3: to teach our children, they're not learning because you don't

730
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:48,320
Speaker 3: learn discipline through discipline. In my day, it was you

731
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,719
Speaker 3: got the whack I had. My dad had a great

732
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 3: web belt. He was in the military, and it was

733
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,799
Speaker 3: you know, you got that the web. All that did

734
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 3: was make me angrier and more defiant. Push on people,

735
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 3: they push back. Under stand human nature, understand people. And

736
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: when you do that, you think, oh, what's the different

737
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,719
Speaker 3: way of dealing with this. Then what's the way that

738
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 3: I can put it back on them? And they have

739
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: to they will learn from it.

740
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, no, I like what you're saying is but

741
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 1: the problem is if you're really tired and you come

742
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 1: home and you just want everything to be okay. You've

743
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 1: had a long day at work, it's been stressful, and

744
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 1: you come home and then something someone's pushing up against

745
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,600
Speaker 1: you and they don't do what you want, especially if

746
00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 1: they're a cat, and you think a second, you're not

747
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: going to come back at me here, and then you

748
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 1: put your foot down and then they put their foot then,

749
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: but it's like you're not going anywhere. And that time

750
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: sometimes when I find if I'm tired, I don't have

751
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: the ability. I just don't have the patience at that

752
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 1: moment to be able to just sit down and go, hey, look,

753
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 1: come on, we I just feel my blood boil right,

754
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 1: And a lot of it is tired for me. Anyway.

755
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 1: A lot of it is just my state of mind

756
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 1: going into the first thing.

757
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 3: Absolutely it is. Or if you get triggered to a

758
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 3: massive degree, right, so down, thing you can when that happens,

759
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 3: I want you to do this right now, breathe out slowly,

760
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 3: as slowly as you can. Just breathe out slowly. Just

761
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 3: keep breathing out. And when you think you breathe out,

762
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 3: just breathe out more, and now you'll be calm. We're

763
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 3: wired to take a deep breath right. See, now you're calm,

764
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 3: You're completely drop down, and now your rational part of

765
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:21,320
Speaker 3: your brain is engaged. When you breathe out, your heart

766
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 3: rate goes down. What we're wired to do is when

767
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 3: we see something that annoys us as to go. And

768
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 3: what that does is get a rush of adrenaline. And

769
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 3: it's cortisol. It's not to your adrenaline, it's cortisol. Cortisol

770
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,760
Speaker 3: is glucose into the blood. It's a rush of sugar,

771
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 3: and it keeps you in that heightened state for long

772
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 3: periods of time. Breathing controls your thoughts. You watch us,

773
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,319
Speaker 3: We're going to do it. A sigh, right, so I'm

774
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 3: gonna all do it. And those that are listening can

775
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 3: do it with us. I'm going to take a big,

776
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 3: deep breath, fully inflate your lungs, and I'm going to

777
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 3: get you to sigh as hard as you can and

778
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 3: ask your questions. Here we go, big deep breath, then

779
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 3: go sigh as hard as you can. Now quickly think

780
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: of something apart from food, was there anything else?

781
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 1: Nothing? Nothing? Nothing?

782
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,759
Speaker 3: And so what that does? So when we are even

783
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:12,799
Speaker 3: when we're talking, when we're engaged, we short breathe. Even

784
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 3: we're excited, we short breathe. And that's short breathing. We're

785
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 3: not getting enough oxygen into our brain. So because the lvoline,

786
00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,480
Speaker 3: our lungs collapse, we have alvolo. That's how the oxygen

787
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 3: gets into the through lvol line into the blood becomes hemoglobin.

788
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,399
Speaker 3: Brain runs on two fields. Oxygen mean the biggest one.

789
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 3: If you don't get enough or if you get too

790
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,759
Speaker 3: much oxygen into your brain, it will screw your thoughts over.

791
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 3: So if you sigh, it completely clears your head. When

792
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:41,919
Speaker 3: you side the lvoline, fully reinflate, rush of oxygen into

793
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,280
Speaker 3: your brain, fires it up, joins you to the prefront

794
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 3: or cortex and goes what.

795
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah it was a what what? It was

796
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:50,400
Speaker 1: a what what?

797
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you just go at that point so yeah, yeah,

798
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 3: well this is the sort of One of the things

799
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,040
Speaker 3: I did with the warriors of years ago gone by

800
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 3: was the side they get round in a big hug

801
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,439
Speaker 3: and do the sigh, and you do it and then

802
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: they get more. They've taken on other breathing techniques now though,

803
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,120
Speaker 3: I feel are overbreathing because when you are, because when

804
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 3: you overbreathe, you put too much fuel in the car.

805
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 3: What happens, right, So just do one one's enough and

806
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 3: then from there it's breathing in and out as slowly

807
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 3: as you can without thinking, without counting. Six seconds and

808
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 3: six seconds out is the ultimate timing. But it's just

809
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 3: slowing your breathing slows your heart, which slows your head.

810
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 1: That's it.

811
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,399
Speaker 3: I mean, you know the other thing that we're told

812
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,200
Speaker 3: that if you get angry for any reason, think of

813
00:38:38,239 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 3: something nice. The brain doesn't work that way because you're

814
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 3: in a completely different part of your brain. It can't.

815
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:50,240
Speaker 3: The Amigdala sparked up and said, where's all the danger

816
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 3: eighty percent of our memories of negative things, Let's go

817
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 3: through that first and see what's there, so it's not

818
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 3: you can't do that. You physically can't until you breathe.

819
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 3: So if you sigh or breathe out very slowly, then

820
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:06,240
Speaker 3: you may be able to control your thoughts. Breathing controls your.

821
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 1: Thoughts unspurredette your books. Anxiety is a worry. Thank you

822
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 1: so much for coming in. It's been absolutely.

823
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 2: Fascinating, bloody interesting. Hello, I'm Matt Heath.

824
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 5: You have been listening to the Matt and Jerry Daily

825
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 5: Bespoke podcast. Right now you can listen to our Radio

826
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 5: Highlights podcast, which you will absolutely get barred up about anyway,

827
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 5: Sit to download, like, subscribe, writer, review all those great things.

828
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,280
Speaker 5: It really helps myself and Jerry and to a lesser extent,

829
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 5: Mash and Ruder. If you want to discuss anything raised

830
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 5: in this pod, check out the Conclave, a Matt and

831
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 5: Jerry Facebook discussion group. And while I'm plugging stuff, my

832
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,720
Speaker 5: book A Lifeless Punishing Thirteen Ways to Love the Life.

833
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 2: You've Got is out now get it wherever you get

834
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:49,280
Speaker 2: your books, or just google the bastard. Anyway you seem busy,

835
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 2: I'll let you go. Bless blessed, blessed, give them a

836
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,239
Speaker 2: taste of key we from me,