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Speaker 1: Daily bespoke content that you won't find on the radio

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Speaker 1: show The Dark Breakfast Podcast.

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Speaker 2: So we're just recording now, yeah, yeah, are we actually recording?

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Speaker 2: So it'll play a little bit of it bad damn

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Speaker 2: jerrym and blah blah blah. And then.

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Speaker 3: Check one too. Is this working?

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Speaker 4: Hello? Just back of a little bit?

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Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Hello, I could tune you up, Jerry about

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Speaker 3: that first link out there? Is that working? Can hear me?

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Speaker 3: I'll tell you this. Turn Guy Williams down, he talks that.

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Speaker 5: Good morning, Welcome, Guy Walliams is on the podcast today.

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Speaker 4: Nice to be here, Good to have you here. Man.

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Speaker 3: What time do you call this?

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Speaker 4: I call this? I was in Perth and now my

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Speaker 4: body clocks stuff.

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Speaker 3: That's a brutal flight.

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Speaker 4: My career has been going bad, and now I'm working

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Speaker 4: in the mines.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, little five fi action and just in between the gigs?

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Speaker 4: Is it between the gigs? You know how it is?

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Speaker 3: If we see you with a full sleeve tattoo and

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Speaker 3: Bali knicks you, no, we'll know exactly what's on.

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Speaker 4: Let me tell you that. Let me ask you this

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Speaker 4: about the about the FIFO culture, about the Perth guy.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I've lived a privileged life of leisure for

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Speaker 4: most of my life, So I don't. I don't relate

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Speaker 4: to the working class like you guys do. Here. You

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Speaker 4: guys are down in the com wines every day, probably

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Speaker 4: doing some fox. He's heading out chocolate bars.

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Speaker 3: Oh we've been there, don't that's such? Yeah, we've been there.

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Speaker 4: What's up with the photo realistic tattoos of celebrities?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's a cultural It is a cultural phenomenon.

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Speaker 3: I know what you're talking about it. No, I don't

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Speaker 3: have it. No, but my family live in Kalgoli, which

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Speaker 3: is six hours in land from Perth.

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Speaker 4: Beautiful.

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Speaker 3: I've got family with various times lived in Perth, so

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Speaker 3: I'm familiar with the lifestyle.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And you've got to think about who are their cultural icons.

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Speaker 3: Who do these people look up to? They look up

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Speaker 3: to NRL players and NRL players, they get photo realistic

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Speaker 3: tattoos of people's faces.

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Speaker 4: So it's a trickle down fashion.

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Speaker 3: That's so. For example, Adam Reynolds, who's plays for the Broncos,

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Speaker 3: he has a full thigh tattoo of post Malone's face

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Speaker 3: on his thighs. Makes sense and that, Yeah, and then

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Speaker 3: it's trickled down economics from there.

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Speaker 4: And that's a dangerous game because post Malone is like

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Speaker 4: I would say, like, I mean, he's past his prime now,

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Speaker 4: but he's still alive, yes, and could at any time

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Speaker 4: become you know, get canceled. Yeah, was a huge Cagno fan.

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Speaker 4: I mean, he's come back now, but he went full

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Speaker 4: Nazi here for a while. I don't have his picture

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Speaker 4: on my arm.

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Speaker 3: That's the equivalent of you know, people named their daughter

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Speaker 3: Kalisi before the last season of Game of Thrones came out.

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Speaker 3: It's exactly that same sort of thing. I feel like

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Speaker 3: post Malone might have been in the Epstein files.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I was looking for Jerry's name and then was, well,

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Speaker 3: what about Paul Holmes's daughter?

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Speaker 5: Is she's got a photo realistic picture of Paul Holmes

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Speaker 5: on her thigh?

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Speaker 3: Wow? Wow, Now, well that's quite intense.

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Speaker 4: That's a very intense, especially if.

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Speaker 5: Paul Holmes fan, you know b fan back in the day,

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Speaker 5: and then you.

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Speaker 3: She would have met him though, you know what I mean, Like,

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Speaker 3: whereas having post Malone or Kanne on you, at least

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Speaker 3: she was someone.

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Speaker 4: Who has deceased, because yeah, if you go with someone

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Speaker 4: who's still alive, they can still red. But so I'd say,

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Speaker 4: if you are going to get a photo realistic person, yes,

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Speaker 4: go with someone who has passed, and that way their

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Speaker 4: legacy is kind of locked in as far as we know.

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Speaker 3: You'd want to be certain, wouldn't you.

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Speaker 4: You'll be certain it's all good. But also just I

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Speaker 4: reckon real life people as well, like NRL stars or

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Speaker 4: whatever is a bit better than like heath Lys Joker,

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Speaker 4: and I love I love that movie. Don't get me wrong.

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Speaker 4: It's a great movie of the Dark Knight. But Heathley

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Speaker 4: just there's a few two mini out there in New Zealand.

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Speaker 4: I think we need to come back on the heath

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Speaker 4: lygious jokers.

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Speaker 3: I have seen a few of those. Yeah. So Dian

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Speaker 3: under tells a great story of he was over I

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Speaker 3: think either in Australia or Balley. There's an NRL player

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Speaker 3: whose name is Todd Carney.

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Speaker 6: Yeah you engined, well remember him? But he the one

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Speaker 6: who pioneered bubbling, the bubblin, the bubbler, the bubbler Pineyer.

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Speaker 6: Now he's got a tattoo of his dad's name on

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Speaker 6: his throat. Wow, his dad's name is Darryl.

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Speaker 3: And Die tells this great story of meeting a guy

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Speaker 3: coming up to him saying, hey mate, mess a fan.

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Speaker 3: You know how the Warrior is going to go this

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Speaker 3: year whatever? And he noticed that he this guy there's

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Speaker 3: random punder that character Diet also had Darryl tattooed on

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Speaker 3: his throat and he's like, is your dad's name Daryl?

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Speaker 3: Is that nut just Big Todd?

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Speaker 4: CARN'TI there?

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Speaker 3: So he got Darryl tattooed on his throat? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it seems like a wacky radio stunt, doesn't it in

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Speaker 3: the throat test genuinely does. So you've been over in

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Speaker 3: Western Australia.

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Speaker 4: Guy, I've been Perth? Yeah, Perth. Did you go over

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Speaker 4: to Rotto? I actually went to Rott Oh yeah yeah nice,

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Speaker 4: just see the kepper Burrows. Yeah, I I well you

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Speaker 4: got it's not quackers, you know. That's that's good. That's

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Speaker 4: a good effort for a deep cut of Wistern. Australian note,

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Speaker 4: because not many people even know that Perth exists, let

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Speaker 4: alone about the Quackers.

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Speaker 5: I only know I have all of my Perth knowledge

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Speaker 5: from the nineteen eighty seven America's Cup Challenge, So everything

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Speaker 5: I know about the Freemantle doctor. Yeah, the title Relief

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Speaker 5: had a Freemantle. I know about the Quakers, although I

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Speaker 5: was confused with Kappa Baros and that that doctor.

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Speaker 3: Did the doctor come in about three thirty as.

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Speaker 4: Doctor the way to describe the wind.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, mantal doc comes in off the Indian Ocean.

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Speaker 4: And then I had some Kiwi fan friends fans I

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Speaker 4: now call my friends fan shout to Charlotte Hobson. She said,

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Speaker 4: that's why they're called the Freemantle Dockers, this AFL team.

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Speaker 4: That's not what. No, they call the Fremantle doctors for

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Speaker 4: people who work on the docks, not because of the

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Speaker 4: light wind that comes in ah Okay.

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Speaker 3: Which is called the doctor. So they'd be called the

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Speaker 3: Freemantle doctors. If they were named they would they.

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Speaker 4: Would be called that. But Mania, it's interesting. It's interesting

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Speaker 4: the Quakers, the Quakers. You bring that up because it

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Speaker 4: was it was funny but weirdly traumatic at the same time.

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Speaker 4: And I thought, rottenest right, this tourist attraction, right, which

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Speaker 4: they tell you when you land in Perth. Can I

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Speaker 4: say it's a ten out of ten. It's one of

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Speaker 4: the best places I've been in my life.

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Speaker 3: It's beautiful.

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Speaker 4: Rotteney Asylan. Right, it's got beautiful beaches, beautiful quakers. They

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Speaker 4: genuinely are like, so the most amazing creature because you

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Speaker 4: can do selfies with it. It's like comes right up

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Speaker 4: to you.

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Speaker 3: They smile.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but sharky. That's sharky. But it's also very Whaley.

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Speaker 5: It's on the Humpback Highway.

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Speaker 4: So wait, Whaley doesn't outweigh the sharkiness.

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Speaker 3: Well, don't they repel, wouldn't they repel some of the sharks.

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Speaker 3: They attrack themtrack the shark.

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Speaker 5: I think they live in I think they coexist right

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Speaker 5: as part of the marine environment. I think they co exist.

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Speaker 4: Perth people before they go into the water, they actually

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Speaker 4: look up a shark app which I assume they had

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Speaker 4: like tracking devices on these sharks. No, it's just some

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Speaker 4: bastard and a helicopter flying up and down his human eyes. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and then he logs on this shitty app and that

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Speaker 4: that is what keeps them safe. And they're stay away

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Speaker 4: from that beach because there's shark. There's a shark there

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Speaker 4: right now.

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Speaker 5: That's real sharky tiger sharks or something out there.

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Speaker 3: They're not good ones.

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Speaker 4: And do you know what's funny, Yeah, the bad bad sharks,

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Speaker 4: bad sharks. This is what's funny though, is that they

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Speaker 4: built a shark net And I'm like, great, the shark

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Speaker 4: problem is solved. We swimming in the lake, the sharks

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Speaker 4: from outside the lake. The sharknit is dangerous the sharks.

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Speaker 4: So they're getting rid of.

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Speaker 3: The shark nets. On the shark gets stuck in it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not normally a political creakness gone mad sort

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Speaker 4: of guys, political freakness gone mad.

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Speaker 3: That is the point of the sharknit. Yeah, and from

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Speaker 3: time to time somehow shark gets inside the net and

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Speaker 3: is now stuck in there.

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Speaker 4: Worth you. But apparently they've moved on to some sort

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Speaker 4: of like electromagnetic ways of repelling the sharks now. But yeah,

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Speaker 4: they're quite sharky.

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Speaker 3: That makes more sense to me, that does.

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Speaker 5: It's quite sharknick focused Australia. Like the big sharknit is

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Speaker 5: quite a big industry in Australia. They got them all

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Speaker 5: up the oldie as well. I mean they don't seem

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Speaker 5: to stop any sharks. The other thing there is they

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Speaker 5: kill other fish of course, get caught in the bloody nets. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: that's right, so that they're a net. I mean it

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Speaker 5: stops it kills fish.

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Speaker 4: But why does it? Why? Why why does sharks attack

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Speaker 4: in Australia and not in New Zealand because we were sharks.

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Speaker 4: That's a great point. Southland Sharks NBL team up.

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Speaker 3: The Southland Sharks.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, muckl I think just more like New Zealanders, and

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Speaker 5: I think the sharks have there are more like Australians. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: an early thing for the sharks Australia is a brutal

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Speaker 5: how to go for the jugular. We can't really be bothered.

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Speaker 3: We can't. Yeah, plenty of food around here. We're all good.

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Speaker 1: Jerry Wells and Mania Stuart find them on Instagram at

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Speaker 1: Hadarki Breakfast. Jerry and Manaia joined the complaint the Hadaki

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Speaker 1: Breakfast discussion group on Facebook for more.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but just to finish my my long, big story,

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Speaker 4: which is it really a story. It's more of a

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Speaker 4: political rant. I got to I got to Rottenest. They're like,

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Speaker 4: you got to go there for all these reasons, the

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Speaker 4: vintage lighthouses, the quakers, the beaches. As soon as I

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Speaker 4: got off the boat, turns out Rottneys Island is the

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Speaker 4: site of an indigenous genocide. You should know that. That's

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Speaker 4: the dyke irony of it though, way you know, they're like, surprise,

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Speaker 4: we tricked you again. But like there's hundreds of bodies

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Speaker 4: and they'n't even looked up the whole, the even scan

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Speaker 4: the whole on hundreds of bodies buried under what was

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Speaker 4: the children's camping site. That's crazy, right, You've at least

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Speaker 4: got to give Kiwis a heads up on the brochure

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Speaker 4: that we're heading to basically like the Australian Auschwitz or

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Speaker 4: something like that. It's crazy, right.

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Speaker 3: But the Quakers a kid ruins. I'm glad I didn't

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Speaker 3: know that when I went there. Yeah, would have just

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Speaker 3: dampened the whole experience.

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Speaker 4: It puts a damper on the whole. I'm going to say,

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Speaker 4: do the research when you leave the island, obviously, but

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Speaker 4: it's a crazy thing to not at least give you

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Speaker 4: a head Like if you went to Auschwitz to check

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Speaker 4: out their amazing historic trains, you would at least want

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Speaker 4: to heads up that, hey, this is also the site

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Speaker 4: of that. And this is what I realized. Now it

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Speaker 4: seems like I'm downplaying the value of Auschwitz. I'm not.

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Speaker 4: I want to just re winde my way out of

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Speaker 4: that and apologize for even trying to make that joke.

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Speaker 4: But my point was going to be is that I

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Speaker 4: don't know, it's Australia. Just just everywhere I go in Australia,

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Speaker 4: they fed me up, you know, they fed me up,

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Speaker 4: even Perth in general, just the way I'm digging myself the.

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Speaker 3: Vibe in general. I'll dig out with a pleasant story

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Speaker 3: about quackers. My my cousin went over there on a

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Speaker 3: stag do and they well got drugs. So you would

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Speaker 3: have noticed all of the all of the shops and

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Speaker 3: all of the houses on the genocidal territory you visited

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Speaker 3: as a plast they all have knee high doors to

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Speaker 3: stop the crackers. Yeah. Yeah, So they were on a

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Speaker 3: stag doer and they got wasted and they fell asleep

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Speaker 3: with the doors open, and they woke up just covered

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Speaker 3: in quockets all on the bed and the bed and

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Speaker 3: your bags pulling everything apart.

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Speaker 4: Yes, that's adorable.

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Speaker 3: Are they curious these quakers? Are they well no natural

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Speaker 3: predators because as guy I mentioned, they killed them all.

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Speaker 3: But but so so they don't they like key You

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Speaker 3: know that you can just walk straight up to them

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Speaker 3: and picked them up annoyingly. They are the size, shape

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Speaker 3: and weight of a rugby ball if you're gonna try

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Speaker 3: and kick, if you're gonna kick an animal over across bar,

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Speaker 3: and you couldn't design it better than a quaker. Okay,

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Speaker 3: but yeah, so no natural predators said that you can

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Speaker 3: walk right up to them? Are they just on Rotney Styland?

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Speaker 4: Just?

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Speaker 3: I think there's one other island in Australia. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's not a nice name for an island. Is it

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Speaker 3: Rotto again?

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Speaker 4: Again? It has like a beautiful indigenous name. But they

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Speaker 4: one Dutch guy went there and said they look like rats,

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Speaker 4: so he called it Ratnest Island. That's what it's called.

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Speaker 4: Rotney Stadium. Yeah, disgusting and then they killed him.

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Speaker 3: So so the comedy fists.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, man, Yeah, I'm excited. I'm promoting something and promoting

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Speaker 4: We're going to chrish chich for the first time.

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Speaker 3: Are the comedy gallas? Never been to cross Chit?

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Speaker 4: You never been a crash Chit? God, that's a real

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Speaker 4: I was born there, I left, never had gone back.

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Speaker 3: That the new stadium that's drawn you back? What is it?

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Speaker 3: What is it that's brought you back?

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Speaker 4: I don't know. Just I think they've spin off for

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Speaker 4: a blog once saying like, why isn't the comedy fistal

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Speaker 4: come to crash it? And I think that is that's

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Speaker 4: quite a good point. So why are we leaving money

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Speaker 4: on the table? So we're gonna We're going to crash

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Speaker 4: it for the first time ever and it's exciting. Speaking

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Speaker 4: of Die Inward, the hostess die Inward as well, which

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Speaker 4: is pretty special for me because he he gave my

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Speaker 4: gave me my for better or worth, gave me my

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Speaker 4: start in the comedy game. So yeah, yeah, crush Woman's Hospital. Yeah, yes,

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Speaker 4: I was shut We're probably related.

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Speaker 3: But that's how that works.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't be a woman to be born there though.

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Speaker 3: That's no, you don't. But they do kick you out

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Speaker 3: pretty quickly if you're not. I got tossed. There's there's

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Speaker 3: been a scandal with third hospital. Isn't there? I got

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Speaker 3: I got boldt it's not there.

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Speaker 4: The scandal that it doesn't exist.

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Speaker 3: You were there.

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Speaker 4: I went there to try and deliver my baby. And

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Speaker 4: this is very scandalous. So when is it?

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Speaker 3: When is the I don't know, I've done know, but

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Speaker 3: just you can google these things.

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Speaker 4: What's with the information? So I don't worry about it

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Speaker 4: just google it. We're coming to Chrish, We're coming to

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Speaker 4: one and we're coming to Auchland. When are we?

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you've got a month? Times have

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Speaker 3: you got a month? And my Irick may or something

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Speaker 3: isn't a may it's a good time.

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Speaker 4: It feels like it was. I didn't realize The Comedy

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Speaker 4: girla responsored by a mayonnaise company and the big pun

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Speaker 4: I was like, we need to move out of may

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Speaker 4: and they're stuck there because of Mayo. That's the reason

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Speaker 4: why they that.

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Speaker 3: Two things to get why the mayonnaise sponsored the Comedy Girl?

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Speaker 3: Are we playing this like? Are we playing this podcast

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Speaker 3: like today?

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Speaker 5: Yes, this is the deepest tease we've ever done for

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Speaker 5: a promotion and a few months the bloody thing even.

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Speaker 4: You even talked to us about it. But we appeel

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Speaker 4: hear this. They'll be buying so many tickets they will

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Speaker 4: be phizzy for it.

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Speaker 3: So tickets have already gone on, tickets haven't even gone.

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Speaker 2: On Saturday Comedy Fisto dot Co do on in zid

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Speaker 2: and it's may On in Auckland.

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Speaker 4: You're gonna say for contract or reasons, you got to

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Speaker 4: say Mayo Mayo.

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Speaker 2: For Mayo and Wellington and Mayo is the third Mayon Mayonse,

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Speaker 2: the third Sunday Mayon the town Hall in Chicha.

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Speaker 3: Would it killed the comedy festival to go to Dunedin?

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Speaker 4: You know what? Just my okay, we're struggling Wellington enough

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Speaker 4: as it has also been Auckland as well. See you

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Speaker 4: there all.

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Speaker 5: Right, okay, hey what else is happening? So I feel

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Speaker 5: like you've been in Australia. I follow you on on

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Speaker 5: the socials.

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Speaker 4: So I wouldn't I wouldn't recommend that I'm so bad

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Speaker 4: on there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a lot of traveling.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well that I mean, that's my job. I'm a comedian.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, if you.

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Speaker 4: Always go you on tour. I'm always on tour. That's

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Speaker 4: my life.

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Speaker 3: You're got to go to where the people are because

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Speaker 3: you can't tell the same jokes. The same people.

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Speaker 4: Bombed everywhere in New Zealand, so IM going to go

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Speaker 4: bomb in Australia. It's called doing New Zealand Warriors is

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Speaker 4: what it's called. But now I I I stand a

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Speaker 4: lot of quist hotels. How do we feel about the Queen? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: You see this is a class thing, though, Jeremy, because

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Speaker 4: you're as how you've been a possibly too long. I think.

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Speaker 4: I think for you maybe a Quiest hotel has a

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Speaker 4: step down, but for me and Mayah, working classmen from

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Speaker 4: tim Adoo killed.

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Speaker 5: Look, I don't mind a Quist. I'll take that over

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Speaker 5: an Ibis. Ibis can go shove it up their ass.

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Speaker 5: Those things I don't, I don't know good by them.

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Speaker 5: There's something about an Ibis that no person has ever

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Speaker 5: enjoyed walking out of that Ibis. Every person that's ever

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Speaker 5: walked down of an Ibis said I feel like I need

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Speaker 5: a shower. There's something about it that just the the

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Speaker 5: set up. It's not creaking on the fact that it's

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Speaker 5: like I was staying a ship motel any day other week.

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Speaker 3: I actually don't care about that.

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Speaker 5: But there's something about an Ibis that lacks any kind

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Speaker 5: of soul.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it's the way it's designed that somehow they've somehow

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Speaker 5: managed to make sure the doors open the wrong way

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Speaker 5: and if you're single roue, everything is not quite right.

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Speaker 5: It's there's something about them.

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Speaker 3: They've got the housekeeping that insists on barging into the

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Speaker 3: house no matter how many times you say no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm going. There's no no, no, no, I coming now,

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Speaker 3: no no, no, no no.

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Speaker 5: It's like a holiday in like there's nobody that ever

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Speaker 5: took a holiday. When on a holiday, it's only people

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Speaker 5: that ever been on a holiday and has always been business.

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Speaker 4: It's soulless, Like it's like I love McDonald's. Don't get

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Speaker 4: me wrong. I grew up my dad operated at McDonald's,

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Speaker 4: but like it's the McDonald's vacation of like these big

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Speaker 4: chains that have no soul whatsoever. They reak of cleaning products.

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Speaker 4: Nothing is clean Years. It's the it's that bloody years

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Speaker 4: bro that they put in their own that it's the

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Speaker 4: race we're a lonely businessman go to. I'm going to

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Speaker 4: say something darker. Yeah, masturbate. That's where they go to masturbate.

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Speaker 4: That's what it was. They should call it a masturbation

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Speaker 4: lodge and at least then you'd go for a for

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Speaker 4: a laugh. The mastabatorium.

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Speaker 5: Massurbatorian one giant, bloody mess to.

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Speaker 3: This is the ibis, isn't it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah? But they're all you can mastivate in all a

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Speaker 4: peel wondering like where can I get this experience? It

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Speaker 4: doesn't have to be an ibis. You can you can

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Speaker 4: masturbate and Sheraton.

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Speaker 3: Double Tree by Hilton Double Tree one of my favorites.

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Speaker 3: It sounded like an air read when I masturbated the

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Speaker 3: Double Tree. Don't you masturbating the best Wiston? Recently? I

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Speaker 3: did business.

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Speaker 4: Actually, you're right.

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Speaker 3: That was in Houston, next to the George H. W.

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Speaker 3: Bush Memorial Airport, and I had a pizza on the way,

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Speaker 3: so it was quite dangerous.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it added a lot of.

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Speaker 3: Pressure, a lot of time pressure to the whole situation.

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Speaker 3: Jo Is on the way with the meat lovers from Domino's.

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Speaker 3: How long have we got here?

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Speaker 5: I'm still recording is a good place to win for

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Speaker 5: coming in.

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Speaker 4: Guy Hey, thank you for having me on your show

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Speaker 4: once again, and thank you to the people of Old

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Speaker 4: New Zealand for welcoming and me into the ear drums.

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Speaker 4: I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: MATERII and manyah catch the radio show from six thirteen weekdays,

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Speaker 1: The Hordakey Breakfast