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Speaker 1: The Zitim podcast network.

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Speaker 2: So I started on the show. I was nineteen, she

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Speaker 2: was sixteen, and I was basically the vehicle for any

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Speaker 2: teen issue you could have playing a character five days

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Speaker 2: a week and going where do you start? And where

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Speaker 2: does she stop? And so yeah, I think that was

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Speaker 2: probably the polarizing bit for me.

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Speaker 1: Hey guys, here we are again.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back to another episode of Hope is of the podcast,

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Speaker 3: the podcast designed to help you feel a little less alone,

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Speaker 3: a bit more inspired, and of course, as always a

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Speaker 3: lot more hopeful. Now today's episode, we have an icon,

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Speaker 3: a legend. I would go as far as say New

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Speaker 3: Zealand Royalty Angela Bloomfield. You may have seen her on

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Speaker 3: your screens growing up on Shortland Street. You may have

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Speaker 3: seen her on such shows as Celebritish Treuter Island Dancing

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Speaker 3: with the Stars, and as a matter of fact, on

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Speaker 3: this podcast we both talk about our experiences on their

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Speaker 3: kind of sharing.

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Speaker 1: We both did those two shows.

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Speaker 3: I didn't do Shortland Street obviously, but she did, and

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Speaker 3: she talks about a whole bunch of different stuff, I guess,

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Speaker 3: kind of living life in the public eye, but then

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Speaker 3: also dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and doing that on

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Speaker 3: set in front of a bunch of people, she talks

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Speaker 3: of an experience that she had where she began to

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Speaker 3: realize that this was more than just anxiety, that she

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Speaker 3: was really getting pushed into the side of panic attacks.

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Speaker 1: And not really knowing how to deal with that.

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Speaker 3: Angela opens up about her divorce and her postpartum depression

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Speaker 3: and everything that happened along those times.

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Speaker 1: For her.

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Speaker 3: It was a really difficult time that she managed to

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Speaker 3: really fight through. She's got some beautiful moments, some beautiful

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Speaker 3: realizations in this episode, and it's been such an honor

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Speaker 3: to be able to sit with her and hear her

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Speaker 3: story as someone that I grew up watching. I remember

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Speaker 3: watching her when I was younger on the TV, and

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Speaker 3: to sit with her now and kind of hear her

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Speaker 3: wisdom has been incredible. So I hope that you guys

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Speaker 3: enjoy this episode. As always, If anything and here triggers you,

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Speaker 3: please it's okay to take time, It's okay to talk

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Speaker 3: to people, but other than their Angela's story is coming

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Speaker 3: up right after this.

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Speaker 1: Angela, Welcome to Hope It's All the podcast. First of all,

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Speaker 1: how are you?

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Speaker 2: I'm great? Thank you for having me to meet.

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited for you to be here.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'm setting amongst New Zealand royalty right now.

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Speaker 2: Really I do will skip it up and died. I

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Speaker 2: don't know.

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Speaker 1: It used to be.

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Speaker 3: No, you still are, like I just anyone who kind

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Speaker 3: of has watched TV in the last twin When were

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Speaker 3: you first.

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Speaker 2: Cast on Shortland Street ninety two?

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Speaker 1: That's before I was born.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a little bit older than you.

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Speaker 1: Wow, so many mini years.

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Speaker 2: Many years that you. I feel like that beginning a.

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Speaker 3: Lot of people have just kind of grown up with you,

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Speaker 3: which is Yeah, that's a vibey gear, yeah, which is amazing,

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Speaker 3: and I want to I want to talk about that

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Speaker 3: so in kind of that even just your hold journey

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Speaker 3: with that, so you're there for such a long time.

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Speaker 3: But before we do that, as I was kind of

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Speaker 3: researching for this podcast, I realized we've got two exactly

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Speaker 3: the same TV shows, reality TV shows that we're cloth done,

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Speaker 3: Dancing with the Stars and Slebrity Treasure Island.

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Speaker 2: This is correct.

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Speaker 1: I've got to ask which one did you prefer.

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Speaker 2: It's funny because so I did Dancing with the Stars

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Speaker 2: like fifteen years ago, and then so when I reflect

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Speaker 2: upon it. I'm like, I feel like I couldn't do

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Speaker 2: that now because it's really rigorous, as you've experienced, and

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Speaker 2: so I think I would probably right now do a

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Speaker 2: Treasure Island again because I feel like it's not that

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Speaker 2: whole performing live on a dance that you've taken a

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Speaker 2: week to learn. Likes that's next level kind of stuff.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing achievement stuff like really pat yourself on the

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Speaker 2: back stuff, but it's it requires so much of you

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Speaker 2: physically and mentally.

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Speaker 3: I feel like people need to know like it's live,

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Speaker 3: like it's as live as gets and I think people

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Speaker 3: don't sometimes understand that. And I don't know about you,

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Speaker 3: but like when you do the big like light the

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Speaker 3: rehearsal right before the live show, and I feel like

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Speaker 3: everything tends to go wrong there the amount of times

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Speaker 3: that we caked lifts on my finale dance, we did

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Speaker 3: the dirty dancing lift and in the rehearsal right before

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Speaker 3: I went right over into the judges desk, like, did

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Speaker 3: you have any incidences like in those rehearsals where you

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Speaker 3: caked it?

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Speaker 2: We didn't have. I didn't have anything like that, but

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Speaker 2: I certainly had that feeling of like not maybe not

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Speaker 2: quite heading it or still not being where I needed

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Speaker 2: it to be. And then I don't drink coffee. And

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Speaker 2: there was one night I know, I don't know how

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Speaker 2: it got through life, but so there was one night,

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Speaker 2: this is fifteen years ago, where I was feeling quite

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Speaker 2: low in energy. So I had like a three month

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Speaker 2: four month old baby when I did Dancing at the Stars,

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Speaker 2: so she went from three months to six months over

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Speaker 2: that time. And there was one weekend I was feeling

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Speaker 2: real tired. It was a two dance show and I thought,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to have a red bull. I don't drink

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Speaker 2: coffee and I've never really can know, and I suddenly

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Speaker 2: it was oh, I remember. I still feel like really

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Speaker 2: angry at myself, but I did it because I got

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Speaker 2: really floppy and I couldn't hit anything sharply and I

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Speaker 2: knew it was the red bull. And that was the

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Speaker 2: night I went home and it was just this whole

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Speaker 2: kind of like, yeah, this whole kind of like why

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Speaker 2: did I do that? I could have been so much better?

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Speaker 1: Well, how far did you make it through?

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Speaker 2: I was only not in two shows, so wow, it

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Speaker 2: felt good?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty far.

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Speaker 2: But at that time it was an early days I

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Speaker 2: got eliminated. It felt like the shortened street person was

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Speaker 2: eliminated at the female was eliminated on the same show.

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Speaker 2: I know that's controversial to say it's not actually about that,

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Speaker 2: but it would just so happen, not Mariamah or people

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Speaker 2: later on, but it was the same week. It was like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we've got bums and seats, now you can go.

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Speaker 1: It's so ruthers.

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Speaker 3: When I was doing it, I genuinely can't comprehend how

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Speaker 3: you did this with a three month old, Like I

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Speaker 3: had no humans that I was looking after and I

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Speaker 3: couldn't function, or.

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Speaker 2: I had two humans I was talking after. One would

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Speaker 2: just happen to be a little baby. I think for me,

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Speaker 2: like if you know me, well, you know that I

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Speaker 2: tend to pack it in, not intentionally, but like, well,

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Speaker 2: this just seems to be the right time to do it.

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Speaker 2: And when they asked me to do it, and my

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Speaker 2: brain I went, oh, third season, such a synic, probably

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Speaker 2: won't do more than four. I've got to do it now.

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Speaker 2: There won't be another chart retrospect. I was so wrong,

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Speaker 2: and so I just and I hadn't been on Telly

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Speaker 2: for a couple of years, and I hadn't been working,

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Speaker 2: I'd been a mum, and I think there was a

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Speaker 2: piece of me that wanted to earn some money and

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Speaker 2: have some worth in that space, and also just wanted

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Speaker 2: to get back out there and do something that was

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Speaker 2: me centric. But I don't want to boys who not

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Speaker 2: at all.

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Speaker 1: Not at all, do you.

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Speaker 2: But for me, the contract was I'm a real contract person,

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Speaker 2: and it basically said, we're in Wellington all weekend and

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Speaker 2: through the course of the week, you need to do

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Speaker 2: ten hours of dance training. And I was like, I

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Speaker 2: can do that. I can do that with my babies.

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Speaker 2: And then it was about the fifth show and I

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Speaker 2: was talking to I think Lorraine Downs's partner, dance partner,

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Speaker 2: and he was just like, I don't know how you're

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Speaker 2: doing it, and I said, it is. We're all doing

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Speaker 2: it the same way, aren't We's like two hours of

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Speaker 2: dance a day and he was like what, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, well, the contract like two hours of dance

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Speaker 2: training a day was like on a lorrain and I

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Speaker 2: are in the studio eight hours a day, six hours

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Speaker 2: a day. And I went I went, well, I didn't

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Speaker 2: kind of go, you're cheating, but in my brain it

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Speaker 2: had never been suggested to me that we could dance

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Speaker 2: more than ten hours, and I committed to ten hours

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Speaker 2: a week and on a two dance week, that was

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Speaker 2: not a lot of time for Johnny. And he didn't

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Speaker 2: ever say to me, hey, have you got more hours

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Speaker 2: than you? And I just cried and cried and cried,

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Speaker 2: and I lost all well to live and went well

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Speaker 2: if I know when you know, it was just and

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Speaker 2: that was it. It just it just fell over. Oh.

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Speaker 1: I we were doing like.

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Speaker 3: We were in the studio up to ten hours a

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Speaker 3: day for were eleven weeks straight. Didn't have a single

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Speaker 3: day off because were you doing two shows or one show?

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Speaker 2: We did one show?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so we did the two So we were doing

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Speaker 3: the Sunday Mondays and then yeah, Davi your dancing by

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Speaker 3: like the Wednesday, and so we literally had no days off.

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Speaker 1: It was crazy.

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Speaker 3: And by the end of it, you're just like so

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Speaker 3: exhausted and just so ready to be done.

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Speaker 1: But I felt like I felt that same exhaustion.

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Speaker 3: Ready to be done when I did Treasure Island as well,

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Speaker 3: which was more recent for you.

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Speaker 1: When did you do Treasure Island?

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Speaker 2: I did Treasure Island in twenty twenty.

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Speaker 1: Wow, Oh, so that would have been the COVID twenty twenty.

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Speaker 2: No, so that's when we came out. It was the

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Speaker 2: one out of the COVID. Oh yeah, so no, so

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Speaker 2: we meant to do it twenty twenty and we did

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Speaker 2: it twenty twenty one, right, so it got ditched and

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Speaker 2: then reprised. And yeah, when I look back home, man,

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Speaker 2: that was a whole different kind of broken. And it's

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Speaker 2: for me, And it seems so basic to say out aloud.

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Speaker 2: And I don't know why I didn't think of it

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Speaker 2: as going to be the niggle point. But I think

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Speaker 2: a lack of food, a lack of sleep, and a

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Speaker 2: lack of connection to people that mean something to you,

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Speaker 2: for me personally just derails me. And I didn't think

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Speaker 2: about that as a thing. I was so obsessed with,

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Speaker 2: you know, perception and people going they're going to try

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Speaker 2: and bait you and turn you into this agitated person.

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Speaker 2: I was like, no, I can, you know I can.

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Speaker 2: And it just wasn't about that. It was stripping away

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Speaker 2: basic need no food, no sleep, a real sense of

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Speaker 2: like I'm having to survive and no person there that's

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Speaker 2: like your person. Yeah, yeah, it was.

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Speaker 3: It sounds like we had kind of similar Rish experiences

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Speaker 3: with Treasure Island and then even kind of the aftermath.

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Speaker 3: I was talking to a of mine this morning saying

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Speaker 3: that I was about to interview and they were just like, man,

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Speaker 3: I think she had a real rough time on the

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Speaker 3: island of what that whatever they eat it was, which again,

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Speaker 3: people do not comprehend that reality TV is not reality,

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Speaker 3: Like there's so many things that can be edited and skewed,

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Speaker 3: and like, I know that for me, a lot of

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Speaker 3: the times the producers would really kind of try and

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Speaker 3: pull out a story or be like, well, did you

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Speaker 3: see those people like over there talking and when you're

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Speaker 3: tired and you haven't eaten and all of that, you're like,

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Speaker 3: oh my gosh, everyone hates me, Like I was, just

225
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Speaker 3: it was it was so hard. Did you when when

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Speaker 3: the show then came out, what was the response like,

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Speaker 3: and how did you feel?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? That's a whole different ballgame, isn't it. And and

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Speaker 2: that's also the thing that I was very unprepared for.

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Speaker 2: And that was the worst part of it because when

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Speaker 2: I was we still call it the island, even though

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Speaker 2: in nor the Island. When we were on the island,

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Speaker 2: I thought I was pretty good at well not pretty good.

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Speaker 2: It's my default. If there's a camera there, then we're working,

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Speaker 2: you know, if there's a mic on me, then we're working.

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Speaker 2: And as soon as they went I was in rest mode.

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Speaker 2: So I think a lot of people were like, oh, wow,

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Speaker 2: you really got into it. And I was like, when

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Speaker 2: the camera was there, like when the camera's not there,

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Speaker 2: I was just sitting there, you know, chilling, doing nothing.

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Speaker 2: So I definitely gave good I'm here to play a

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Speaker 2: game for you know, the show, But yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: When it came to air, I was just I was

244
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Speaker 2: really thrown by what other people had said about me,

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Speaker 2: which I didn't expect to be thrown by and also

246
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Speaker 2: didn't expect to have it said about me, and it

247
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Speaker 2: felt so it felt so left of field because I

248
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Speaker 2: couldn't see the person that they were seeing, and they

249
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Speaker 2: almost had created this really competitive person. I was like,

250
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Speaker 2: it's just not me. I'm just you've asked me to

251
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Speaker 2: play a game. I'm here and I'm playing it when

252
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Speaker 2: you were here filming. But that's the beginning and the

253
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Speaker 2: end of it. And yeah, I think for me, I

254
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Speaker 2: was started off with a whole lot of you know,

255
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Speaker 2: Sports Stars was a very different sort of personality type

256
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Speaker 2: to mine, and it was all and we got very

257
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Speaker 2: quickly into what you're here to offer, what you bring,

258
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Speaker 2: and it became really clear immediately that they felt I

259
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Speaker 2: bought nothing because I didn't have any physical strength, and

260
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Speaker 2: I was just like so thrown by, Oh, I'm in

261
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Speaker 2: this space nothing that you see of value. And so

262
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Speaker 2: it did take a good sort of eight days or

263
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Speaker 2: something for them to be a team adjustment. And then

264
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:56,680
Speaker 2: I found people but were also not sports stars, that

265
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,880
Speaker 2: were just having fun and doing best thing ready for

266
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Speaker 2: and which is something that actors do, like basically, you know,

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Speaker 2: the best thing about your day or something that you learned,

268
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Speaker 2: and I felt really comforted and that for me was

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Speaker 2: where the fun happened. And watching it was exactly like that.

270
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Speaker 2: So it started off being really hard to watch, and

271
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Speaker 2: I literally would watch it with all my family and

272
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Speaker 2: all my friends, so we'd all be watching it at

273
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Speaker 2: the same time and in like a zoom so that

274
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Speaker 2: in the ads we could mute it and they could

275
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Speaker 2: sit there and I could debrief and they were going,

276
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Speaker 2: no that read well and like because I just needed

277
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Speaker 2: so much kind of off the ledge chat and I

278
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Speaker 2: didn't think I thought I was stronger than that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I really, I mean I literally felt the same.

280
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Speaker 3: Like watching I think what was really hard about something

281
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Speaker 3: like that is one everything that you experience is obviously

282
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Speaker 3: so long before it even years, like it's everything that

283
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Speaker 3: happens on the island, and then suddenly you're seeing it

284
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Speaker 3: back and it's kind of different to what you remember.

285
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Speaker 1: And I was.

286
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Speaker 3: Really taken aback by the fact that I didn't know

287
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,760
Speaker 3: how it was going to come across or how people

288
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,760
Speaker 3: what people were going to say. And I was actually

289
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 3: pretty much fine through the whole thing until they there

290
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,200
Speaker 3: was a storyline that didn't actually happen that came out

291
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Speaker 3: for mine.

292
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Speaker 1: And then finding out and seeing.

293
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Speaker 3: It with the rest of the country I think is

294
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,960
Speaker 3: a really hard thing as well, Like you're hearing these

295
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 3: things about yourself alongside everyone else, and it's it's really difficult.

296
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Speaker 3: And I mean, but there are such fun moments on

297
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Speaker 3: that show as well, right, but I do think like

298
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Speaker 3: it it just tests you so much with like you said,

299
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:34,560
Speaker 3: not eating, not doing any of that, and not having

300
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Speaker 3: people like there was one night I went up with

301
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,360
Speaker 3: the producer and just like lost, like bawling my eyes

302
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,480
Speaker 3: out to the point of like I need to quit,

303
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Speaker 3: Like I cannot do this.

304
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Speaker 1: She's like no, stay And I ended up.

305
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Speaker 3: Getting eliminated a few days later anyway, so which I'm

306
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,800
Speaker 3: very thankful for now. I mean, my first shower after

307
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,280
Speaker 3: that show, and it was like brown as it was

308
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,400
Speaker 3: like as the showers going. It was so gross because

309
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,920
Speaker 3: we were in Queen, Wanica and the lake was freezing,

310
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Speaker 3: so like we didn't want to be out there, but

311
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Speaker 3: you know, it was just disgusting.

312
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Speaker 1: But how doy TV's weird?

313
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Speaker 3: Do you think it was also hard for you because

314
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,680
Speaker 3: you've grown up, like you've done all of your a

315
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Speaker 3: lot of your on screen stuff.

316
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Speaker 1: You're playing someone else and all these shows it's you.

317
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that's been And I don't want to

318
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Speaker 2: take anything away from the people that watched the show

319
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Speaker 2: and watched me and supported me and actually enjoyed me,

320
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Speaker 2: because that that's important. But we're breaking it down into

321
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Speaker 2: actually what it was like. But I think, yes, since

322
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Speaker 2: since doing stuff outside of scripted work, which has only

323
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Speaker 2: happened in the last set of ten years, I and

324
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Speaker 2: also doing my new job, you know, real estate, it's

325
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Speaker 2: that real thing of like who am I? Who am I?

326
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Speaker 2: Playing a character? Five days a week and going where

327
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Speaker 2: do you start and where does she stop? And so yeah,

328
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Speaker 2: I think that was probably the polarizing bit for me.

329
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Speaker 2: I was myself on TV, but it was me and

330
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Speaker 2: I was saying it, and there was nothing, you know,

331
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Speaker 2: and I didn't say anything bad about anybody or anything,

332
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Speaker 2: but you could see that I was emotionally fraught and

333
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:17,680
Speaker 2: struggling and watching yourself in that space and knowing that

334
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,320
Speaker 2: everyone else is watching as well. It's just like opening

335
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,000
Speaker 2: your diary or opening your ribcage and going come in

336
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,400
Speaker 2: and see all the that layers underneath. And I was

337
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,800
Speaker 2: just like, oh, I don't know if I can have

338
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 2: people see me this fragile.

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Speaker 3: I fully understand that, and I think, you know, for me,

340
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,600
Speaker 3: that's kind of been what I got. I hate saying

341
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,920
Speaker 3: it's such a weird thing to say. What I got

342
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,000
Speaker 3: knowing for was literally like, here's all of my life trauma.

343
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 3: And so people saw that. But for people that have

344
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,160
Speaker 3: grown up or have kind of lived careers like yourself

345
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,080
Speaker 3: or like sports stars or people that have been in

346
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 3: the public eye, and there is this kind of way

347
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,040
Speaker 3: that you need to hold yourself when you get used

348
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,920
Speaker 3: to holding yourself to kind of be able to, I

349
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 3: guess handle that. To then have people see some of

350
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 3: the stuff that you're struggling with is like it's hard,

351
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,200
Speaker 3: and it's frightening and it's scary. But I also think

352
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,080
Speaker 3: it's what humanizes you. And it's like you can be

353
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,560
Speaker 3: this rock star five days a week on TV and

354
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 3: also be a real life human and I think people

355
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:21,280
Speaker 3: often disconnect that and only see you as this person

356
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,159
Speaker 3: who they were seeing on TV, but actually there's so

357
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,200
Speaker 3: much more behind there.

358
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Speaker 1: How old were you when you got cast on Fallen Street?

359
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,520
Speaker 2: I was nineteen woweah?

360
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,360
Speaker 1: And you were on it for how many years?

361
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:37,080
Speaker 2: I mean about twenty five? But sometime some parts of

362
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,560
Speaker 2: that I was directing, and then most of the time

363
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,199
Speaker 2: I was acting.

364
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,280
Speaker 3: Dang, I was reading. While I was doing the research

365
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,520
Speaker 3: for this. There was kind of someone who did like

366
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,040
Speaker 3: a roundup of your character, which I was just like,

367
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,440
Speaker 3: oh my gosh. It was not like a round but

368
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:52,439
Speaker 3: just like the things that your character went through, and

369
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,520
Speaker 3: I just I was shook by all of this. You

370
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,920
Speaker 3: survived full marriages? No, it says you survived full marriage.

371
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 1: Did you know? Was it a lie? Well?

372
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 2: I mean, let's see, she got married to Nick Harrison,

373
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 2: for the the what do you do in university to

374
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 2: get the money when you're married. I didn't go to university.

375
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,119
Speaker 1: I don't know. The yeah allowancy.

376
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 2: Thing, yeah, something like that. So that wasn't a that

377
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,359
Speaker 2: was a wedding. It was like a you know, a

378
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 2: protesting thing. Okay, so it wasn't a real wedding. And

379
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 2: then there was no one else. And then before they

380
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,159
Speaker 2: brought me back. At one point I came back for

381
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 2: like a special birthday or something and so and had

382
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 2: an affair with Chris and I had I don't know

383
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:37,440
Speaker 2: if I was married to him, but I had a partner.

384
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,120
Speaker 2: And then Chris Warner is the person that I married, So.

385
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,080
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know where they got marriages from. Four people.

386
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:46,840
Speaker 1: Cautless explosions.

387
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 2: I mean, there's always an explosion. There's always on Shorty Street.

388
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,800
Speaker 2: I've been in a part of them and I've filmed them,

389
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,880
Speaker 2: and they tend to be pretty awesome but also very

390
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,880
Speaker 2: you get one hit at it, right. So I had

391
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 2: the major one one day where Rachel is an alcoholic

392
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,159
Speaker 2: and she'd been driving drunk and she caused a terrible

393
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 2: accident and there was a burning car and there was

394
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 2: a baby in the back of the burning car. Oh,

395
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,000
Speaker 2: I had to get the baby out and then I

396
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,439
Speaker 2: had to run away, and the key shot was me

397
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 2: running with the baby and the car exploding in the background.

398
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,960
Speaker 2: You get one shot it at multiple cameras, and I remember,

399
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 2: you know, you just don't want to do anything terrible

400
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 2: that's going to muck it up. And I feel like

401
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,359
Speaker 2: my reaction or my physical arch to the bang was

402
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,440
Speaker 2: just a little bit overcooked. And I'll never forget it.

403
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 3: How many explosions can one hospital like, it's quite concerning,

404
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,400
Speaker 3: you know, well.

405
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 2: You know, it's a soap opera, and I know, thirty

406
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,959
Speaker 2: years old, and it should be at least it There

407
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 2: should be at least an explosion a year, so you know,

408
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,880
Speaker 2: if we're talking about a rate of.

409
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 3: I mean this is her alcoholism was in this as well.

410
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,280
Speaker 3: I read an eating disorder. Was that a part of it?

411
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 2: Definitely? So I started on the show, I was nineteen,

412
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,359
Speaker 2: she was sixteen, and I was basically vehicle for any

413
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 2: teen issue you could have. So, you know, she was

414
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 2: the daughter of separated parents. She had bolimia and anorexia,

415
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,760
Speaker 2: she had STDs, she hadn't it's anything. It was just

416
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 2: that thing of like every couple of months. Okay, what

417
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 2: do teenagers go through this? So yeah, but alcoholism was

418
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,640
Speaker 2: the resounding because her dad was an alcoholic, Right, how

419
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 2: was that portraying that? I mean, this sounds terrible but

420
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:40,159
Speaker 2: fun but also at times, and I suppose this is

421
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,920
Speaker 2: where we're unpacking it. Right when I was probably in

422
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 2: the depths of one of the longer times that they

423
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 2: traversed the alcoholism, I got really unwell, and so my

424
00:20:54,640 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 2: body because you're basically telling yourself that you have nothing,

425
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,560
Speaker 2: You're worth nothing, you know, And so that was the

426
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 2: state I was sitting in for a couple of months,

427
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 2: because that was what my character was doing, just having

428
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:13,280
Speaker 2: outbursts and being in a really bad place and everyone

429
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 2: was trying to help, and she's pushing people away. So

430
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 2: it lasts for quite a while, and I remember just

431
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 2: getting this rational over my body and just feeling crap

432
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 2: and going to the doctor and they you know, did

433
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 2: tests and things. But it was just that I was

434
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 2: feeding myself the message that I was a piece of

435
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 2: shit and my body was trying to survive. So that's

436
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 2: when I started learning about meditation and power of thought,

437
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 2: and I got some strategies courtesy of another actor, which

438
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 2: I still share with people to other actors to this day,

439
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 2: about how to sort of breathe yourself back in and

440
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 2: breathe the character out, and just little rituals that you

441
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 2: can do so that when you do finally walk in

442
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 2: the door, you're as close to you as you can

443
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,600
Speaker 2: be as opposed to because you've got to think, when

444
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 2: I go home, I'm learning my lines for the next day.

445
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 2: And at the point at that time, I was living alone,

446
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 2: and so it was just very immersed in a lot

447
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 2: of self kind of achiness, and my body just didn't cope.

448
00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 3: I mean, that's such a like a physical example of

449
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,440
Speaker 3: what the power of thoughts is, right Like the fact

450
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 3: that obviously, for you, it was a character that then

451
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 3: morphed into you weren't able to get away from those thoughts.

452
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 3: And then for people who may be struggling with these

453
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 3: thoughts themselves, and then to be constantly dwelling on it

454
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,560
Speaker 3: and thinking about it like that literally your body starts

455
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: to believe it and have those responses to it. And

456
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 3: the fact that you, who were portraying another character, that

457
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,639
Speaker 3: started to kind of leak over to your everyday life

458
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,239
Speaker 3: is such a crazy kind of representation of that, like

459
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,719
Speaker 3: how how do you separate those things when you've got

460
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 3: this character going through so many crazy things and like

461
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,560
Speaker 3: you said, you're at that point, you're living alone and

462
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,240
Speaker 3: you're learning lines and next. I don't know people know

463
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 3: that Chortland Street at that time was or is the

464
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 3: fastest like what's it called moving TV show?

465
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 2: Like multi camera? Yeah, like Last turn Around TV. Yeah,

466
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 2: we do it really fast, and I think, yeah. I

467
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 2: also got my training on the set of Shortened Street.

468
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 2: So I didn't go to a drama school where you're

469
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 2: taught how to manage building a character and a toolbooks,

470
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 2: a toolbox of sort of like ways of finding your emotions,

471
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 2: and so my way of finding my emotions and teaching

472
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,480
Speaker 2: myself was to think bad things. And I remember when

473
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,879
Speaker 2: I was very young, I reveled in it. I remember

474
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,159
Speaker 2: me and my brother were brushing washing the dishes and

475
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 2: I was on washing and he was on drying, and

476
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: I was like watch this, and I sort of turned

477
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 2: away and I was washing the dishes and I was

478
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,800
Speaker 2: just thinking awful things, like about our parents dying and stuff.

479
00:23:53,119 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 2: And then I turned around and I'm like crying. He's like,

480
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm like, I know, so impressed with myself,

481
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 2: but like, you need to learn safe ways of engaging

482
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 2: emotion and it eventually needs to come not from source

483
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 2: spots or your own trauma. And as an actor, yeah,

484
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 2: once you've experienced this a few times and you know

485
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 2: ways of doing that. And I think the other thing

486
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 2: that I was sort of traversing around that time when

487
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 2: I was playing those sort of more challenging storylines was

488
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 2: there was kind of the height of shortened Street and

489
00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 2: so at the same time, whenever I left the house,

490
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: there was just eyes on me. And it was also

491
00:24:42,160 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 2: a fun time in the nineties where we were getting

492
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 2: invited to parties and there was just this very strange

493
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 2: world that I was suddenly a part of. So on

494
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 2: the one hand, I'm just trying to be a really

495
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,919
Speaker 2: good actor and was very invested in my character, and

496
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,679
Speaker 2: on the weekends, I'm sort of trying to blow it

497
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 2: off and partying, and yeah, it was just a lot.

498
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 3: I can't even imagine, like, especially at the peak of

499
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 3: that show, like literally the whole country was blooming watching it,

500
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,680
Speaker 3: and I know, like even for me, since I came

501
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:15,199
Speaker 3: out of Lockdown and TikTok Blew up, Like I have

502
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 3: so much social anxiety now because I just there's eyes

503
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:20,959
Speaker 3: on me all the time, and I can't even imagine,

504
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,159
Speaker 3: for you going eyes on you on the screen all

505
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,160
Speaker 3: week and then step outside your house and more eyes

506
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 3: on you again.

507
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,159
Speaker 1: Like it's a lot, like a lot to deal with.

508
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:31,879
Speaker 3: And I know that you've spoken a bit about this

509
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,439
Speaker 3: in an interview that I read anyway about starting to

510
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 3: experience panic attacks.

511
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 1: Can you kind of explain the first time.

512
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,680
Speaker 3: That you remember feeling anxiety and then the first time

513
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:43,240
Speaker 3: that you experienced a panic attack.

514
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny because I knew we were going to

515
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 2: be chatting about it, and so I sort of had

516
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 2: a little dig around my memory banks, and I think

517
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: I do healthy or not sort of clearly do by

518
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 2: what I'm about to say. I just I block stuff out,

519
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 2: you know. So for me, I remember being on set,

520
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 2: and mine stems from not getting it right, So me

521
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 2: myself feeling like I'm failing, which is actually such a crippling,

522
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,640
Speaker 2: stupid headspace to be in for a creative because now

523
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 2: I know the whole point of being better as an

524
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 2: actor is to get it wrong, is to start and

525
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,919
Speaker 2: not know where it's going to go. That's the beauty

526
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 2: and the good stuff. So I was constantly trying to

527
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:32,480
Speaker 2: and as I was untrained, I didn't want to get

528
00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 2: it wrong, so I was constantly trying to control everything.

529
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 2: And I remember being on set and something had happened

530
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 2: and we were behind, as we are often, but that

531
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 2: can get stressful when you're behind, and people can get

532
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 2: stressed and push that out there, you know. And I

533
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 2: just remember and they were getting ready to film and

534
00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,080
Speaker 2: the scene started with me in the middle of the

535
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 2: space and no one else, and I just remember feeling

536
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:07,320
Speaker 2: my whole body going really weird and going, I'm about

537
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 2: to cry something. Something bad's happening to my body. And

538
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,439
Speaker 2: I got something, you know, like I hadn't failed it before,

539
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 2: and multiple cameras staring at me darkness, people were about

540
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 2: to and I just my instinct was just you need

541
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:25,400
Speaker 2: to remove yourself, and so I just slowly stood up

542
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 2: and I just walked away into the darkness and just

543
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 2: lost it.

544
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 1: Wow.

545
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:38,199
Speaker 2: And it probably wasn't yet till years later that I

546
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 2: and I had experienced it. Since that someone told me

547
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,680
Speaker 2: that it was a panic attack. But I was speaking

548
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 2: to my mum in the weekend and she kind of

549
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 2: told me about something that started much earlier I was

550
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 2: on the show, but much earlier than I remember. She

551
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,479
Speaker 2: recounted a story that we were in a maw and

552
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,399
Speaker 2: I just and I was around the corner kind of

553
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 2: like bent over, just like not breathing, and I was

554
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 2: just like.

555
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: Ohow, And you don't remember that. Wow. So your brain

556
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,679
Speaker 1: and your body is literally just kind of blocked blocked

557
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:13,080
Speaker 1: it out.

558
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow.

559
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 3: I think it's really interesting that you talk about, especially

560
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 3: as a creative, and that it wasn't it was around

561
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 3: not being able to get things right. I think I

562
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 3: speak and the hundreds of schools every year, and you

563
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 3: see so many kids that go through that just from

564
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 3: the pressure of even just with their parents and trying

565
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 3: to get into the best schools or get the best grades,

566
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 3: and especially around exam time, and people go on to

567
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 3: this full fledged panic attacks around just not being good

568
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:43,880
Speaker 3: enough or not being able to kind of meet expectations.

569
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 3: And for you to have been doing that kind of

570
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 3: earlier than you even remember, what was how how long

571
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 3: do you think you were experiencing kind of that that

572
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 3: heightened time of panic attacks when you were on the show.

573
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 1: The whole time, whole time.

574
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I just got better at managing it and

575
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,040
Speaker 2: learned strategies around it. But I think my kind of

576
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 2: default of getting it right happened very early on in

577
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: my life, like as a little in you know, And

578
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 2: so it really is the making of you as a person.

579
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 2: Like I still have it now and I have to

580
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 2: kind of just I just blow it off, do you

581
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 2: know what I mean? I go, it is what it is.

582
00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 2: I still I'm still incredibly driven and ambitious, and I

583
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 2: try and make it as good as it can be.

584
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 2: But at some point I go not to the level

585
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 2: we were going to get deranged about it, but and

586
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:40,239
Speaker 2: often it isn't. I you know, watched my daughter her

587
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 2: first year of exams at high school. And I don't

588
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 2: put any pressure on my children to be anything other

589
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 2: than the best that they want to be. You know.

590
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 2: It's really like I'll say to them, I feel like,

591
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 2: you know, there's a space between what you're applying yourself,

592
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 2: but I feel like there's a bit more to give.

593
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 2: But that's on you. You know that that's totally up

594
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 2: to you if you want to if you want to

595
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 2: stop at that level. And I watched Maya just wrap

596
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 2: herself up in nots and and a lot of emotions

597
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: and a lot of dysregulation, and we talked about it

598
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 2: a lot, and that was just her dance up to

599
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 2: something that meant a lot to her. So we worked

600
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 2: a lot the next year about just changing the dance

601
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 2: because you get to decide what it looks like.

602
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,719
Speaker 1: I really love that saying change the dance.

603
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's really cool. Well, well, we all do it, right,

604
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 2: and I think actors do it, and so often in

605
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 2: acting terms, I talk and like movement and dance and

606
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 2: whatever your your thing is. But and everyone has their

607
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 2: thing and some people, some people do need to turn themselves.

608
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 2: I choose not to, you know, yeah yeah, and to be.

609
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,960
Speaker 3: Able to even just kind of go through and experience

610
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: those feelings. But I really love that the way that

611
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 3: you just worded that because I also think that it

612
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 3: it gives the power back to people that are going

613
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 3: through that as well too. You do have the ability

614
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 3: to change that response and to prepare yourself. And when

615
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 3: I was going through kind of everything, when treas railing

616
00:31:07,520 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 3: came out for me, I remember someone saying it's pre

617
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 3: warned is pre armed. And I think when you've gone

618
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 3: through something like that before, and you've kind of got

619
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 3: that pre warning of that's what has happened. You can

620
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 3: be pre armed, and you can kind of put in

621
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,680
Speaker 3: the work and do the things to be able to

622
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 3: I guess, change the not necessarily the outcome, but change

623
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 3: the way in which you respond. And I think sometimes

624
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 3: with anxiety and with with panic attacks, it can feel

625
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 3: so overwhelming and all consuming that you feel like it

626
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 3: will never it could never change. And I would love

627
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:39,240
Speaker 3: to know what your advice would be to anyone who's

628
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 3: listening to this that might be dealing with panic attacks

629
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 3: themselves and just like this is like at the peak

630
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 3: of it, this is what I'm going to live with forever.

631
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 1: What would you say to them?

632
00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 2: Oh, so much. I think it's doing it's talking to

633
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 2: people sharing. Obviously it's a cliche, because it's true. You know,

634
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:02,040
Speaker 2: a problem shared is a problem haves So finding someone

635
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 2: anyone in your life that you can share it with,

636
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: because saying it out aloud is half the problem because

637
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:12,479
Speaker 2: then you go, oh, you know, it's not admitting it,

638
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 2: but it's going it's safe enough to talk about. And

639
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 2: then that person, hopefully or someone in your life, will

640
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 2: give you some strategies around managing panic attacks, like I

641
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 2: know that there's some that you can't think yourself out of,

642
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 2: but there is definitely ways that you can minimize. So

643
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 2: grounding as one having that truth in your head that

644
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 2: no state stays the same. Every state moves, everything evolves,

645
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 2: nothing stays the same. So this the state will evolve

646
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 2: and move. But I think grounding is probably the thing

647
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 2: I do the most when I feel like I'm getting disregulated,

648
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 2: and it just it's just an immediate kind of like

649
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 2: stops the brain and lets the body rest, because that's

650
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 2: what it is. You just have to let you stop

651
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 2: your body and let it rest.

652
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really love that, And it's just so it's

653
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 3: so relevant to so many people. And I think that

654
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 3: for people that are watching, like I said, people on

655
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 3: screen or sports fields or whatever, it may be just

656
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 3: this assumption that they don't struggle with anything.

657
00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 1: It's just it's not true.

658
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 3: And I mean we were just talking before we started

659
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,920
Speaker 3: recording that you were at an event that I was

660
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 3: supposed to be at not too long ago, and I

661
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 3: literally couldn't go because of the panic and anxiety that

662
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 3: I had, which has kind of escalated more so recently.

663
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 3: I don't know if you've ever had a situation like

664
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 3: this growing up on Shorten Street.

665
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: But I had a stalker situation.

666
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 3: But this guy flew over from the Netherlands to find me,

667
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 3: found my house within two days, located me with sending

668
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 3: very threatening, scary messages, and then I had the criminal

669
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 3: behavior forensic psychologist from police who specializes in psychopaths basically

670
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 3: talk me through what to do if worst case scenario happened,

671
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 3: like it was terrifying, and this was only about a

672
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 3: maybe two months ago, I think, And so then being

673
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 3: out in public situations.

674
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 1: Like the panic is so real.

675
00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:19,440
Speaker 3: But having to do these things again and remind myself

676
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 3: and grounding myself and trying to not let it take

677
00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 3: over my social life has been a really kind of

678
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:30,040
Speaker 3: big journey for me, and also why I was really

679
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 3: excited to also have you one. I think around the

680
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 3: idea of anxiety and panic attacks and still having to

681
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 3: live your day to day life knowing that this is

682
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 3: something that you can experience, but also just breaking down

683
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 3: the stigma of it of like we all go through

684
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 3: stuff and it's really about learning to manage it and

685
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:51,440
Speaker 3: to deal with it. And grounding has been such a

686
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 3: massive thing for me that's really helped as well, did

687
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 3: you ever have any kind of when you're on kind

688
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,760
Speaker 3: of the peak of shortened street like scary interaction with people?

689
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 2: Remember I'm a good blocker, OUs.

690
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 3: Pointing, just dig right back into that art.

691
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 2: I mean, nothing, nothing that compares to We've just been

692
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 2: not not at all. I mean I've certainly been yelled

693
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 2: at in the street and yelled you know, yucky things

694
00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 2: like you've got chlamydia and oh yeah you know. But

695
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 2: and I mean, fear just keeps you walking, right, do

696
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? What? What? What are you?

697
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 2: What am I going to? What was I going to? Do?

698
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 2: You just carry on walking? I suppose for a week

699
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 2: while there, if someone called out Rachel, I wouldn't turn around.

700
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 2: But if someone called out it was kind of my

701
00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 2: little rule someone new. Was someone going to call out Angela,

702
00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 2: then I then they get me. I can I'm going

703
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 2: to turn around. But if they call out Rachel.

704
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: It's not my name, Well, people struggle.

705
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:01,760
Speaker 2: I'm allowed to keep walking. Yeah.

706
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,239
Speaker 1: I think that still to this day.

707
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 3: People struggle to see the difference between a character and

708
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 3: a person. And like some of my friends who were

709
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:13,720
Speaker 3: actors that were just like, yeah, people would like attack

710
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,239
Speaker 3: me on the Street for someone that my character did,

711
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 3: and I'm like, it's not me, like I'm just acting

712
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 3: someone like it's I mean, I've never been an actor,

713
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:24,399
Speaker 3: so I don't know what that's like, but I can

714
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 3: imagine that would be quite frustrating.

715
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 2: I have the benefit of time, so because I've had

716
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 2: a long time on that show, she evolved into a

717
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 2: capable woman, a step mom, a wife, a professional who

718
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 2: ran a business, and people got to watch that in her,

719
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 2: and I supposed to put that on me if they

720
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 2: couldn't see the difference. And then I also evolved as

721
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 2: a person and so and did enough Woman's Day articles

722
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,360
Speaker 2: that most interactions start with a you Angela, not are

723
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,839
Speaker 2: you Rachel? It starts what did you play Rachel? So

724
00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:09,880
Speaker 2: time has allowed people get excited, but I don't really

725
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 2: get called Rachel anymore. Oh that's nice, So it is.

726
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 2: It's really nice. She's definitely part of the conversation. And

727
00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 2: sometimes they're like, did I go to school with you?

728
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 2: And I went, I don't think so, and I'd pecked

729
00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 2: my moment. If I help people out of it, I

730
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 2: help the most nine times out of teen, and I

731
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 2: help them. But I don't want to be that person

732
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 2: that goes I was on a two big so I

733
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 2: you know, I just go you know, but yeah, look,

734
00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 2: I've just been overseas with my daughter and I haven't

735
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 2: been on screen for a really long time, and you know,

736
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 2: still a thing. Yeah, a thing. Yeah.

737
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is so.

738
00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:52,799
Speaker 3: You absolutely don't have to short about this at all.

739
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 3: But I just again saw it when I was doing

740
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 3: all of the research.

741
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 2: And the fairly open book.

742
00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 1: Well this is good. You went through a divorce.

743
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I thought you were going to go in

744
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 2: a different direction. I did go through it. I do,

745
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 2: I am, I'm a separated person.

746
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 3: It was one of the first things that kate when

747
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 3: I was searching.

748
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 2: It was what you googled angela Bluefield and divorced it?

749
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: Did it?

750
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 2: Did? I'm sorry to algorithms, geez, but.

751
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: There was, But there also wasn't a lot.

752
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,440
Speaker 3: It was assuming someone were probably just doing some clickbating

753
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,319
Speaker 3: title with what had been said in it.

754
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 1: But the only reason that I wanted.

755
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 3: To bring it up was that there's even a few

756
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 3: people there I know that are kind of in the

757
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 3: very very beginnings of a divorce and feel like their

758
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:36,080
Speaker 3: entire world is crumbled, and there is just no, there's

759
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 3: no step out of this, and that's the only reason

760
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,160
Speaker 3: that I wanted to bring it up. And again, you

761
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 3: don't have to talk about it, but if you are

762
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 3: willing to.

763
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, I think I wouldn't. I wouldn't wish separation

764
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 2: on my worst enemy. It is. I think there's so

765
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 2: many layers to this conversation, but I will say for me,

766
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 2: there was a lot of learning and a lot of

767
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 2: growth and realizing that life is a gray area, it's

768
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 2: a big there's just no black and white, and I'd

769
00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 2: become really bound by sort of self belief statements that

770
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 2: were not helping me. And I suppose one of them

771
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 2: was I'll never get divorced, and I'd say it out

772
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 2: aloud and it was almost like I've you know, it

773
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,880
Speaker 2: was just a really silly thing. I didn't say it

774
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 2: a lot, but I was saying it, and it's and

775
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 2: it's just a really unhelpful thing. Because then when when

776
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 2: that's one of your key things and then it actually

777
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 2: is not right, you become really destabilized by it and

778
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 2: you go, who am I am a failure? So I

779
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 2: had to walk through so much learning and the fact

780
00:39:56,040 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 2: that be careful what you say about yourself. And I

781
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 2: did feel like a failure, and I did feel like

782
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 2: I would have effectively broken my children and broken my

783
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 2: a bit of my life and a bit of you know,

784
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 2: this other person's life. And I would say, it's yeah,

785
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 2: it's literally taken me the ten years that I was married.

786
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 2: It's taken me another ten years to unravel separation. And

787
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 2: I remember when I turned fifty saying to my mum,

788
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 2: I feel like my life can start again now. I

789
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 2: feel like I'm allowed to have a life now again,

790
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 2: which is a really annoying thing to happen. But I

791
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 2: really had gone You've had your joy, that's it. You

792
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 2: wrecked it. You have to sit in that, and it

793
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 2: was it was really unhelpful.

794
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 1: It makes me. I am a little bit teary.

795
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 3: It makes me a little bit emotional just what you

796
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,000
Speaker 3: just said then about what you said to your mom

797
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 3: that you can start your I know I.

798
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,359
Speaker 2: Forget, but that's but and I don't know why I

799
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 2: needed it to be so long. But the thing I'll take,

800
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 2: I'll say to you now in the same breath, is

801
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 2: it's starting again. And instead of saying like I'm only

802
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 2: fifty one and I've got so much more ahead of me,

803
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:18,040
Speaker 2: and that includes in love. Yeah you know, or it's

804
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 2: just so it's so for you to say that as well.

805
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 3: I was so hopeful for those that are in the

806
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 3: middle of it, like the fact that sure it took

807
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 3: you ten years to get to that point. That the

808
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,200
Speaker 3: fact that you can look at that and go, no,

809
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 3: I can I can fall in love again. I can

810
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 3: I can start my life again. That that says so much.

811
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 3: And I hope that you kind of you see this

812
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 3: the strength in that, because I mean, I haven't been

813
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 3: through marriage separation, but like just to be able to.

814
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,560
Speaker 1: Have that stance and be like I'm okay.

815
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm okay, the kids are okay, Chris is okay.

816
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,239
Speaker 2: That said, I you know, maybe I did make it

817
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 2: harder on myself than it needed to be. So you know,

818
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 2: I'm not here to give unsolicited advice, but to anyone

819
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 2: that is traversing that, I would say, go easy on yourself.

820
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 2: And the thing I learned that's resonated most in my

821
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 2: life that helps me out the most is if you

822
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,520
Speaker 2: can refine the ability to truly live in the moment,

823
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 2: that is where that's when you start living. And so yeah,

824
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:32,000
Speaker 2: you don't have to beat yourself up for ten years.

825
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 2: You can start living earlier than that. Yeah, it's up

826
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 2: to you. Yeah, Yeah, it's so true.

827
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 3: And I also think like, even when you were saying

828
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 3: on the kind of beliefs that you had in that

829
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,360
Speaker 3: in those ten years, and how much even just I

830
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 3: think behavior and things like that. This is something I

831
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 3: was thinking about recently, actually talking to my therapist about

832
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 3: there was a lot of things that I would do

833
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:54,640
Speaker 3: or things that I would respond to, and I'd be.

834
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: Like why do I do that?

835
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 3: And I'll get so mad at myself for these responses.

836
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 3: And she just said, Jazz, I want you to think

837
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 3: of like five year old year. I was like why,

838
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 3: and she was like, all that kid was trying to

839
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 3: do was survived the best way that she knew how to,

840
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 3: and that's how she did it. So these behaviors that

841
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 3: you're hating in these beliefs and these responses that you're

842
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:14,600
Speaker 3: so like, why am I Like this.

843
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: Just came from this little kid who was trying to

844
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 1: protect herself.

845
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 3: And I think it's so important to, like, even in

846
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 3: responses when we're going through things like that, to be like,

847
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 3: this is just this little kid who dealt in some

848
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 3: whatever situation it may have been, that these behaviors and

849
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 3: responses and beliefs they come from somewhere, and often it's

850
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 3: just a younger version of ourselves.

851
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to

852
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: do the best.

853
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 3: I could, and they were so healing for me to hear,

854
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 3: and I was like, dang, Like that's so true, because

855
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:46,239
Speaker 3: our responses when we go through like this, we can't

856
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 3: control half of the time that we were like in

857
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 3: the middle of this kind of turmoil thing to be

858
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:54,840
Speaker 3: like how am I responding? But to go you know,

859
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 3: for you to have gone through all of those ten

860
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 3: years of marriage and then ten years of that and

861
00:43:59,280 --> 00:44:02,479
Speaker 3: then be like I'm okay, and like I probably should

862
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,920
Speaker 3: have gone easier on myself.

863
00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,840
Speaker 2: This kind of parts to that isn't there because and

864
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 2: I think I still have a little bit of work

865
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:14,320
Speaker 2: to do in the I'm a learner. I'm happy to

866
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 2: learn till the day I die. I need to learn

867
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 2: till the day I die. But when I think about

868
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 2: like my five year old self, I can still feel

869
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 2: there's some there's some there's some pain there. So I

870
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,359
Speaker 2: still have some stuff to do in that space. Which

871
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:33,800
Speaker 2: is exciting. Yeah, But also as a parent, I knew

872
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 2: that before I had children that whole It's not a

873
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 2: premise that that that that reality of we are the

874
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:41,800
Speaker 2: person you can see, but we are still the child,

875
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 2: and that responsibility as a parent to do the best

876
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 2: I could not not to not to break them, and

877
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 2: not to do things that were going to cause default

878
00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 2: behavior that was responsive and not helpful for them as

879
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 2: a teenager as an adult, and I still drive quite

880
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,280
Speaker 2: a bit of dialogue with my children in that space

881
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 2: and will forever because that's how I talk with my

882
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 2: friends as well, you know. But yeah, constantly sort of

883
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 2: sitting back and looking at my kids and going, I

884
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 2: haven't break them too much. Do I need to talk

885
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,799
Speaker 2: to them about that? Do I need to go on

886
00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:22,000
Speaker 2: and talk to them about that? Because we're just trying

887
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 2: to survive as a parent, Yeah, but also nurture this

888
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 2: little being that's just wants to be protected and loved. Yeah.

889
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 3: There was something I saw on tektok a while ago

890
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 3: that was someone who had just videoed their mum and

891
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 3: was like, I often forget this is her first time

892
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 3: living as well, and it just I was like, oh,

893
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:45,560
Speaker 3: I mean, it's true.

894
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: Just trying to figure stuff out.

895
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 3: And I also think that, again, I'm not a parent,

896
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 3: but I know that like some of my real deep

897
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 3: rooted trauma came from like these situations that happened with

898
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 3: my friends when I was younger as well, and things

899
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,279
Speaker 3: that parents just literally can't control and don't have any

900
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 3: kind of you know, say over, but to be actively,

901
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,120
Speaker 3: I mean the fact that you were aware to be like,

902
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 3: I need to have these conversations with my kids and

903
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 3: kind of make sure. It's a big step to what

904
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 3: a lot of parents don't do, and you know that's

905
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,880
Speaker 3: not a lot of people experienced. So I feel like

906
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 3: it's massive kudos to you that you were able to

907
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:23,040
Speaker 3: have these conversations and kind of be aware of what

908
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,879
Speaker 3: impact of what you say to your kids can also

909
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 3: have on their belief in their sense of who they are.

910
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 1: Is so huge, And I think as well for I mean,

911
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: I can't even imagine what it would be like to

912
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:35,279
Speaker 1: be a parent.

913
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:38,800
Speaker 3: I've just got a dog recently, and I can't sleep

914
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 3: at night the amount of times have to take to

915
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 3: the emergency vet because she's constantly trying to die on

916
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 3: me and eat things that she shouldn't eat, and you're like, oh, well,

917
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 3: I don't know how people do this with a real

918
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 3: life human being, and then to be doing that with

919
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 3: a real life human and then doing things like Dancing

920
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 3: with the Stars with a three months or you're a superwoman.

921
00:46:56,000 --> 00:47:00,839
Speaker 2: That's a really good segue into I suppose something that

922
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: I suppose because I was older, I had more kind

923
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 2: of like, you know, comparing it to panic attacks, I'd

924
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 2: say it was it felt harder because I distinctly remember

925
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 2: being at home with Max on his first night in

926
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 2: the middle of winter, and there was an All Blacks

927
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:23,479
Speaker 2: game on, so Chris was watching it, and I think,

928
00:47:23,560 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 2: you know, Max was asleep lying there, and I was

929
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 2: just looking at him and going to Chris, what do

930
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,840
Speaker 2: we do? So do we what do we do? And

931
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 2: he was like, I don't know. I'm like, okay, we'll

932
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:38,440
Speaker 2: just sit and wait. You know. But I very quickly,

933
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 2: and this does happen to people that have I suppose

934
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 2: a level of expectation on themselves kind of high functioning.

935
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:52,280
Speaker 2: So I got postnatal depression pretty quickly after Max was born,

936
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 2: and but for a little bit I didn't know what

937
00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 2: it was, and so I just was just someone that

938
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 2: couldn't kind of handle being around him and better. But

939
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 2: I had to. But I was the only person that

940
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 2: he wanted, you know, And it was just really hard.

941
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 1: What kind of ways did that, like, what were you

942
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 1: seeing in yourself?

943
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 3: What were the kind of I don't want to use

944
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 3: a symptoms, but you know, the things that you were

945
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 3: experiencing before you got realized that it was postnatal.

946
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 2: So I had a little bit of trouble breastfeeding, and

947
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 2: so we were having quite a painful journey with that,

948
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 2: and that probably was a trigger in it. And so

949
00:48:35,600 --> 00:48:41,560
Speaker 2: he was he anytime he cried, I'd feel pain physically

950
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:43,719
Speaker 2: because I was like, oh, he's going to want to

951
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 2: be fed, and it hurts me and so and so

952
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,239
Speaker 2: I wouldn't look at it. I'd look at him and

953
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 2: sort of not have this kind of like oh my god,

954
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 2: it's so amazing. I'd look at him and just be like,

955
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,919
Speaker 2: you know. And so there was that, and then I just, yeah,

956
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 2: I was terribly upset. I would get angry if no

957
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 2: one would no one seemed to want to do it

958
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 2: the way I wanted to do it. And I'm not

959
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 2: saying I'm not putting that on anyone else. They was

960
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:16,879
Speaker 2: trying to survive it as well. And so finally I went,

961
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 2: I can someone just go buy some formula. I just

962
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 2: need to do a feed that's not you know, And

963
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: it was I remember just you know, my clothes were

964
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,360
Speaker 2: all on and and he was wrapped in a blanket

965
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 2: and he was feeding, and I was just able to

966
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 2: go and breathe and feel joy. And then not too

967
00:49:33,719 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 2: long after that, you know, we got we got people,

968
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:41,360
Speaker 2: and we got specialists, and we got fix its and solutions,

969
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 2: and I carried on brist fitting until he was seven

970
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:48,000
Speaker 2: months and he's Yeah. Once I was on the right

971
00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 2: medication for what was happening in my body, the whole

972
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,000
Speaker 2: thing changed. And it was a really good eye opener

973
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 2: for me. I'm segueing myself, I'm sorry, I love it.

974
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:04,400
Speaker 2: Give me because I knew at that point, because the

975
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:08,279
Speaker 2: hormonal shift that happens after you have children is not

976
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:12,040
Speaker 2: dissimilar to when you go through menopause. And I literally meant,

977
00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 2: I said it out aloud. I was like, I'm going

978
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 2: to go on this stuff when I go through menopause.

979
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 2: I'm going to go on this medicine, you know. And

980
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 2: I haven't had to go on any antidepressants or anything

981
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 2: but I have definitely been more proactive and acutely aware

982
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:31,600
Speaker 2: of like hormonal shifts and at this point in my

983
00:50:31,640 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 2: life and going I'm not going to get there, I'm

984
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:37,000
Speaker 2: not going to get angry and arranged and yeah, yeah,

985
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:40,160
Speaker 2: and it was I think it was while I because

986
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 2: Dancing with the Stars I went through when I was

987
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,600
Speaker 2: with Maya, So by the time I got to her

988
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 2: and there was no you know, there was Yeah.

989
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 3: The fact that I mean sharing that experience, thank you

990
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 3: for doing that, because I also think a lot of

991
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,440
Speaker 3: parents who go through that can feel.

992
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 1: So isolated and alone and be like, what is wrong

993
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: with me?

994
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:00,440
Speaker 3: And that's why I kind of asked you to explain

995
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 3: what it was like for you, because I think it's

996
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 3: so important for people to know one they're not alone

997
00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 3: in it too. It can literally be a cycle, like

998
00:51:08,239 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 3: it's a thing that medication can help and seeing people

999
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:12,720
Speaker 3: and specialists can.

1000
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 1: Help with that, and that you're not alone in it.

1001
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 3: And I mean the fact that even being able like

1002
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 3: you just did the perfect segue into then kind of

1003
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,920
Speaker 3: hitting it with menopause and kind of knowing the similarities

1004
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 3: of what the hormonal stuff can do with that, Yeah, I.

1005
00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 1: Thank you for being able to just speak. And I think.

1006
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 3: Kind of like we were talking about earlier, I know

1007
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 3: that it can be so hard when you have been

1008
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 3: a character for so long to let people see you

1009
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 3: and let people see kind of different things that is

1010
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 3: not just a different person on TV that I will

1011
00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:51,839
Speaker 3: play an act and it's a whole different I don't

1012
00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:53,240
Speaker 3: want to say ball game, but it's a whole different

1013
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 3: thing right to be like, this is who I am.

1014
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:58,280
Speaker 3: But it's so important because there are so many people

1015
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 3: that have lived to their lives watching you that can go,

1016
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 3: oh my gosh, like I'm not the only one, and

1017
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:09,720
Speaker 3: maybe I can still have a successful life or do these.

1018
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: Things even though I'm struggling with this.

1019
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:13,759
Speaker 3: And that's kind of the whole reason why we do

1020
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 3: this podcast, so that people, no matter what it is

1021
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 3: that they're facing, can feel like they're not alone. And

1022
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:21,879
Speaker 3: I would love to know you've already kind of given

1023
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 3: advice for people they might be going through panic attacks

1024
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,680
Speaker 3: and anxiety. But I just now I want to know

1025
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 3: someone who might be in the very beginning of postnatal depression.

1026
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 3: What would you say to them, Just.

1027
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 2: The same thing. You've got it, You've got to talk

1028
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 2: about it. You've got to find someone you trust. And

1029
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:47,320
Speaker 2: it is hard because you know, I'm a communicator, and

1030
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,879
Speaker 2: my husband is husband's a good communicator, and so as

1031
00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:55,760
Speaker 2: my mum, and so through through that, I did feel

1032
00:52:55,800 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 2: like I wasn't being heard, but I probably I mean,

1033
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:03,840
Speaker 2: it's in the delivery, right, But I'm not going to

1034
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:06,320
Speaker 2: beat myself up on me not knowing to have the

1035
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 2: right delivery because I was at the heart of it,

1036
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 2: and in essence they were there to support me, which

1037
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,400
Speaker 2: they did. But you just don't have the where you

1038
00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:20,560
Speaker 2: just don't have the rational mind to go I'm going

1039
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:23,560
Speaker 2: through something. If I take someone by the hand and

1040
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,000
Speaker 2: say no, please stop, you need to listen to me,

1041
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:30,920
Speaker 2: they'll stop right because you just don't have those those functions.

1042
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:32,640
Speaker 2: But I think any time in our life where we're

1043
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 2: feeling like, hey, I feel different to how I would

1044
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 2: usually feel, find someone to talk to. I think I'm

1045
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,400
Speaker 2: not scared of going and talking to a doctor. I

1046
00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 2: think that's I think that's especially important with these kind

1047
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 2: of key issues because and it's not about throwing medicine

1048
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,360
Speaker 2: at it unless that's the right thing to do. But

1049
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:53,759
Speaker 2: doctors can be quite good at steering you in the

1050
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 2: right direction of you know, a variety of solutions and yeah,

1051
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 2: just got to be kind, got to be kind to yourself.

1052
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 2: We're so tough on ourselves.

1053
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 3: Also that especially New Zealanders, like we've got that she'll

1054
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:12,800
Speaker 3: be right attitude that's really just kind of ingrained in us.

1055
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we have that which is so weird that

1056
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:20,120
Speaker 2: this is only happening to me and not in an

1057
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 2: ego way, and so don't share it because you're the

1058
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,839
Speaker 2: weirdo that this is only happening to you. And I

1059
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:29,399
Speaker 2: remember we did. We you know, we had a little

1060
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:31,520
Speaker 2: coffee group that was there and out there from my

1061
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:34,720
Speaker 2: Intonadal class. But I was too scared. And then finally

1062
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,960
Speaker 2: my girlfriend at about six weeks was like, come on,

1063
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:42,320
Speaker 2: come on, come on. And I remember it, just sitting

1064
00:54:42,360 --> 00:54:45,360
Speaker 2: there and listening and watching and they were doing it

1065
00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 2: exactly the same as me. They didn't know what they

1066
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 2: were doing, they had had insecurities, they'd been crying, they'd

1067
00:54:50,880 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 2: felt and just hearing it, I was like, oh my god,

1068
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:57,799
Speaker 2: what You're such a fool land to think that this

1069
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:01,719
Speaker 2: was only happening to you. And I remember with Maya,

1070
00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:03,600
Speaker 2: anytime I got up to feed in the middle of

1071
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 2: the night, just taking a little moment to go they're

1072
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 2: a woman right now and soft lit rooms awake, feeding

1073
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,759
Speaker 2: their children. You're not one of one, You're one of

1074
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 2: so many, you know, And even though we didn't know,

1075
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 2: you know, just take solace in that we're all doing it.

1076
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:21,240
Speaker 2: We're all doing it together.

1077
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 3: And that's the power of being able to tell these

1078
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 3: stories and the power of that lived experience. And I

1079
00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:28,200
Speaker 3: know that for me, when I was in my teenage

1080
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 3: years and was in and out of the psyche wards

1081
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 3: a lot a lot of that time, I would spend

1082
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 3: so much of my time just trying to research anyone

1083
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 3: else who had been through it, just to know that

1084
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:39,080
Speaker 3: there was hope. And back then I just couldn't find anything.

1085
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 3: People weren't talking And so now to be able to

1086
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 3: have these conversations and provide people with this kind of

1087
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 3: tool that allows him to know that no matter what

1088
00:55:48,360 --> 00:55:50,440
Speaker 3: it is that you're facing, you're not alone on it,

1089
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 3: and especially the different things in your journey to be

1090
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:53,960
Speaker 3: like you're you're.

1091
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:55,040
Speaker 1: Not the only one going through it.

1092
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,680
Speaker 3: And like you said that communication and been able to

1093
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,760
Speaker 3: communicate is such a big thing. And this in schools

1094
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 3: when we do the big school assemblies around the country

1095
00:56:02,960 --> 00:56:06,399
Speaker 3: that if people like translating what's going on in your

1096
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:09,720
Speaker 3: mind to out here, if people don't know what's happening,

1097
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,239
Speaker 3: that no one knows what the hell's going on, like

1098
00:56:11,239 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 3: everyone's just assuming, everyone's just guessing, and no one can

1099
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 3: help without that information. People can only help you with

1100
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,319
Speaker 3: the information that you give them. And so been able

1101
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:23,400
Speaker 3: to be honest and have these conversations and speak up

1102
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 3: is so incredibly important. And I'm so thankful that you've

1103
00:56:27,200 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 3: chosen to be able to come in and hang out

1104
00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 3: and speak on this podcast today. I know we've not

1105
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:34,839
Speaker 3: actually met in person before, but today we did, and

1106
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:37,400
Speaker 3: to kind of dive straight into a conversation like this,

1107
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:40,360
Speaker 3: I know it was kind of an odd way, but

1108
00:56:40,840 --> 00:56:43,279
Speaker 3: I'm really thankful that you have. I think it's going

1109
00:56:43,320 --> 00:56:46,440
Speaker 3: to help so many people to just feel less alone,

1110
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 3: no matter what it is that they're facing. And I

1111
00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 3: just want to ask you one final question before I

1112
00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:54,600
Speaker 3: let you go. This podcast is called Hope Is Real,

1113
00:56:54,680 --> 00:56:57,560
Speaker 3: and I asked us to everyone at the end of every.

1114
00:56:57,320 --> 00:57:00,000
Speaker 1: Episode, what does the word hope mean to you?

1115
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:05,719
Speaker 2: The future? Like, hope for me is like everything that

1116
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:12,400
Speaker 2: exists beyond this moment, that hasn't happened because I'm I

1117
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 2: intrinsically try to be positive and I'm hopeful always, you know,

1118
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:22,360
Speaker 2: for me and for my children and for the people

1119
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 2: and my world and for anybody.

1120
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that.

1121
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 3: I love that so much. Well, thank you so much

1122
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 3: for taking the time and coming here. How can people

1123
00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 3: how can people find you?

1124
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 1: Follow you? Not physically find you.

1125
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 2: But social media?

1126
00:57:32,720 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 1: I know we don't want no one come over from

1127
00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 1: the Netherlands. Please thank it.

1128
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 2: I think it's just and Bloomfield.

1129
00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, And then you're also REALI stated, can you

1130
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:43,479
Speaker 3: can you help me buy a house?

1131
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,080
Speaker 1: Balloons? I'm so yes, I care, like I'm so sad.

1132
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 4: So I've been needing to for at everyone keeps telling

1133
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:50,800
Speaker 4: me to buy a house, like it's so I don't

1134
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 4: even know where to start, and so I just don't

1135
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 4: if I don't know how to do something, I would

1136
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:57,080
Speaker 4: love to help, like four years without putting air in

1137
00:57:57,120 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 4: my tires on my car because I did it know

1138
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 4: how to do it. And so when I don't know

1139
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 4: how to do something, I'm like, I'm just not going

1140
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:02,800
Speaker 4: to do it.

1141
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,160
Speaker 3: So we can will chat after this, because I genuinely

1142
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 3: need to do that. But again, thank you so much

1143
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 3: for coming. Any for joining means thank you.

1144
00:58:11,480 --> 00:58:11,720
Speaker 2: Well.

1145
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,920
Speaker 3: Do you have it, guys, thank you so much for

1146
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:17,120
Speaker 3: staying and for listening to this episode. And like I've

1147
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 3: said at the beginning, and I always say, if anything

1148
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 3: in this episode that's been talked about has brought anything

1149
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 3: up for you, you feel like you need to talk

1150
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 3: to someone, then please remember and know that the bravest

1151
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 3: thing that you can do right now is to talk

1152
00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 3: to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's from

1153
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 3: a friend, a family member, or if you don't know

1154
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:37,720
Speaker 3: who to talk to, then if you live in Altiola

1155
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 3: here you can call or text one seven three seven

1156
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 3: at any time to talk to a trained counselor. Or

1157
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 3: if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub dot

1158
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 3: the Voices of Hope dot org for a list of

1159
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 3: international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is that

1160
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 3: you're facing, no matter what it is that you're going through,

1161
00:58:54,640 --> 00:58:58,440
Speaker 3: that in all things, hope is real and change is possible.

1162
00:58:58,640 --> 00:58:59,800
Speaker 1: I'll see you guys next week.

1163
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:04,280
Speaker 4: Instead, stop and stay State