1
00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:10,453
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Saturday Morning with Jack Teams podcast

2
00:00:10,573 --> 00:00:11,733
Speaker 1: from News Talks that Be.

3
00:00:12,693 --> 00:00:16,333
Speaker 2: Clinical psychologist Doogle Sutherland from Umbrella Well Being as with

4
00:00:16,413 --> 00:00:17,773
Speaker 2: Us this one in kilder Google.

5
00:00:18,573 --> 00:00:21,373
Speaker 3: Cure to Jack. I was just listening about she had

6
00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:24,493
Speaker 3: and I was thinking, I've got the very first album

7
00:00:24,773 --> 00:00:28,813
Speaker 3: Uren on on CD somewhere the way downstairs. Ah, yeah,

8
00:00:28,853 --> 00:00:30,813
Speaker 3: which is quite a different it's quite a different sound

9
00:00:30,853 --> 00:00:31,933
Speaker 3: than the later stuff, but.

10
00:00:32,093 --> 00:00:35,013
Speaker 2: Well it's very heavy. Yeah, it's very very heavy, right,

11
00:00:35,173 --> 00:00:39,013
Speaker 2: very heavy? Yeah yeah yeah, yeah.

12
00:00:38,733 --> 00:00:42,493
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I really you know, it's great just

13
00:00:42,533 --> 00:00:45,933
Speaker 3: for if you want something really really wore, that's the thing.

14
00:00:46,573 --> 00:00:48,373
Speaker 2: So I reckon. I was thinking about this, who's the

15
00:00:48,373 --> 00:00:50,133
Speaker 2: best of New Zealand band? And I was like, oh,

16
00:00:50,173 --> 00:00:52,293
Speaker 2: you can make arguments for you know, like I guess

17
00:00:52,413 --> 00:00:54,133
Speaker 2: are we going to call crowded House in New Zealand band?

18
00:00:54,213 --> 00:00:54,373
Speaker 1: You know?

19
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,533
Speaker 2: But I think if you're going like certainly down the

20
00:00:57,613 --> 00:01:01,173
Speaker 2: rock route, like if it's true rock, then absolutely yeah,

21
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:03,653
Speaker 2: top of the list for me, you know, yeah yeah,

22
00:01:03,653 --> 00:01:08,693
Speaker 2: and for various others. Anyway, we are talking parenting this morning,

23
00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:10,773
Speaker 2: So my parenting technique when asked who the best of

24
00:01:10,813 --> 00:01:12,973
Speaker 2: a band was was to not try and explain that

25
00:01:13,013 --> 00:01:14,653
Speaker 2: it's in the eye of the beholder and that you know,

26
00:01:14,733 --> 00:01:17,533
Speaker 2: it's really up to each individual. It was simply to say,

27
00:01:17,613 --> 00:01:20,933
Speaker 2: she hard. But you've got some other parenting tips this morning.

28
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:23,453
Speaker 2: And one of those simple tips for parents is that

29
00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:26,333
Speaker 2: parents actually have to focus on themselves a little bit.

30
00:01:27,853 --> 00:01:31,013
Speaker 3: Yeah. Absolutely, And it's one of the things I think

31
00:01:31,173 --> 00:01:35,573
Speaker 3: parents really struggle with, particularly with they've got, you know,

32
00:01:35,613 --> 00:01:37,253
Speaker 3: and I was thinking about you guys with a new

33
00:01:37,293 --> 00:01:41,573
Speaker 3: baby and young kids. I think it's something particularly having

34
00:01:41,693 --> 00:01:44,853
Speaker 3: some time, you know that that kind of classic me time,

35
00:01:45,053 --> 00:01:49,093
Speaker 3: focused time for yourself is quite a difficult thing for

36
00:01:49,173 --> 00:01:51,613
Speaker 3: many parents because it comes with a layer of kind

37
00:01:51,613 --> 00:01:54,133
Speaker 3: of guilt or the sense that you're being judged by

38
00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:56,813
Speaker 3: other people if you if you if you take some

39
00:01:56,893 --> 00:01:59,613
Speaker 3: time out for yourself. But in fact we know that

40
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,493
Speaker 3: taking some I'm not sure I love the two in

41
00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:06,173
Speaker 3: me time because it sounds a bit selfish. We'll go

42
00:02:06,213 --> 00:02:09,893
Speaker 3: with taking taking that me time is actually really the

43
00:02:09,893 --> 00:02:13,053
Speaker 3: research is shan's actually really beneficial not only for a

44
00:02:13,293 --> 00:02:15,693
Speaker 3: parent's well being, but also for the well being of

45
00:02:15,693 --> 00:02:20,173
Speaker 3: other people around them, and and so I you know,

46
00:02:20,253 --> 00:02:23,773
Speaker 3: it's I strongly support parents to be able to take

47
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:28,653
Speaker 3: that that time out to focus on and it's more

48
00:02:28,693 --> 00:02:30,893
Speaker 3: than just sort of having time away from the kids.

49
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,573
Speaker 3: You know, you can just say, oh, cool, well there

50
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,893
Speaker 3: you know, daycare or whatever, but it's it's what the

51
00:02:36,933 --> 00:02:39,733
Speaker 3: research is really pointing to is actually doing something that

52
00:02:39,853 --> 00:02:44,853
Speaker 3: really engages you and and and it's pleasurable. So I'm

53
00:02:45,093 --> 00:02:47,973
Speaker 3: deliberately seeking out some things that are going to give

54
00:02:48,053 --> 00:02:54,333
Speaker 3: you pleasure and fun and and and energy.

55
00:02:54,413 --> 00:02:57,013
Speaker 2: Really yeah, so that's that's really interesting that that it

56
00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,613
Speaker 2: kind of is not just time away from the kids,

57
00:02:59,653 --> 00:03:03,533
Speaker 2: it's actually something for yourself. So I'm not I swear

58
00:03:03,573 --> 00:03:05,173
Speaker 2: I'm not just trying to go for a husband of

59
00:03:05,213 --> 00:03:07,973
Speaker 2: the Year here. But this week, this week's been my

60
00:03:07,973 --> 00:03:10,093
Speaker 2: first first week back full time at work, So my

61
00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:12,213
Speaker 2: wife's been at home with the baby, and you know,

62
00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:16,093
Speaker 2: it's like it's great, but it's also grueling. And so

63
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:19,413
Speaker 2: when I've been getting home, I've been like walking through

64
00:03:19,413 --> 00:03:22,173
Speaker 2: the front door and being like right, tag you go,

65
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:24,373
Speaker 2: And she's been rushing off and going to the mall

66
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:28,653
Speaker 2: and getting like a cheap more massage. But she's loving it.

67
00:03:28,733 --> 00:03:31,013
Speaker 2: Like it's really like I noted, Like she comes back

68
00:03:31,053 --> 00:03:32,973
Speaker 2: and it's already like, so you know, it's just so

69
00:03:33,053 --> 00:03:35,253
Speaker 2: good even just to go for half an hour. It's

70
00:03:35,293 --> 00:03:37,373
Speaker 2: just like you really can see the kind of benefits.

71
00:03:37,373 --> 00:03:41,293
Speaker 3: Ah, yeah, you can. And that's kind of there's some

72
00:03:41,373 --> 00:03:45,013
Speaker 3: recent research out that sort of hits on exactly that thing.

73
00:03:45,133 --> 00:03:48,653
Speaker 3: Is that actually if if and it was particularly focused

74
00:03:48,693 --> 00:03:53,293
Speaker 3: on mothers, that mothers who went out and did that

75
00:03:53,373 --> 00:03:57,133
Speaker 3: kind of thing had higher levels of what they call vitality,

76
00:03:57,173 --> 00:04:02,053
Speaker 3: and vitality is really being alert and energized and having energy,

77
00:04:03,573 --> 00:04:07,493
Speaker 3: and that people who or mums who did this had

78
00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:10,213
Speaker 3: those much higher levels of energy. It was almost like

79
00:04:10,253 --> 00:04:12,173
Speaker 3: the metaphor I can think of it. It's really like

80
00:04:12,493 --> 00:04:16,613
Speaker 3: recharging your batteries. Yeah. And the interesting spin off too

81
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:19,373
Speaker 3: was that in the research they found that mother's levels

82
00:04:19,373 --> 00:04:23,333
Speaker 3: of vitality predicted their partner's levels of vitality as well.

83
00:04:24,013 --> 00:04:28,653
Speaker 3: So if you've got if you've got an energetic vital

84
00:04:29,253 --> 00:04:33,133
Speaker 3: you know, mother, then often the partners that flows into

85
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,533
Speaker 3: the partners as well, which shows I think the benefits

86
00:04:35,573 --> 00:04:38,213
Speaker 3: to the whole family really of being able to just

87
00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:40,213
Speaker 3: have that recharge time.

88
00:04:40,373 --> 00:04:43,653
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, I reckon for a lot of parents, the

89
00:04:43,733 --> 00:04:45,773
Speaker 2: one of the challenges that they just feel about guilty.

90
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:51,493
Speaker 3: Ah, Yes, guilt's a huge thing I think, and I

91
00:04:51,533 --> 00:04:54,613
Speaker 3: think like thinking about my own parenting journey. But also

92
00:04:54,613 --> 00:04:57,133
Speaker 3: I worked with like hundreds of sort of families over

93
00:04:57,373 --> 00:04:59,933
Speaker 3: I guess the last twenty five years or so, that

94
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:02,613
Speaker 3: that guilt that they've got it wrong or that they're

95
00:05:02,613 --> 00:05:06,093
Speaker 3: doing something wrong, it really comes. I think it has

96
00:05:06,093 --> 00:05:08,653
Speaker 3: a huge throw on lots of aspects of parenting and

97
00:05:08,773 --> 00:05:13,453
Speaker 3: really often it doesn't need to, but but I appreciate

98
00:05:13,493 --> 00:05:16,373
Speaker 3: that it does. But often that guilt, I think, can

99
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:21,093
Speaker 3: can prevent people from doing something, in this case taking

100
00:05:21,133 --> 00:05:24,973
Speaker 3: time out for themselves. So I think it's really important

101
00:05:25,253 --> 00:05:27,653
Speaker 3: to be aware that you might feel guilty. But actually

102
00:05:27,693 --> 00:05:29,933
Speaker 3: this research showed that that that you can feel the

103
00:05:29,973 --> 00:05:31,933
Speaker 3: guilt and still do it anyway and it's still had

104
00:05:31,973 --> 00:05:34,773
Speaker 3: an impact. So it's a bit like feeling the fear

105
00:05:34,813 --> 00:05:35,973
Speaker 3: and doing it anyway.

106
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,493
Speaker 2: And it's actually beneficial for everyone. That's the kind of

107
00:05:38,573 --> 00:05:38,973
Speaker 2: key point.

108
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:43,613
Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, the idea is that if you again going

109
00:05:43,613 --> 00:05:47,013
Speaker 3: back to that battery metaphor, if your batteries are low

110
00:05:47,693 --> 00:05:50,933
Speaker 3: in terms of energy, then then you aren't very good

111
00:05:50,973 --> 00:05:54,253
Speaker 3: at engaging with anybody really, you know, you can only

112
00:05:54,293 --> 00:05:56,973
Speaker 3: do it and you. When we're energy levels are low,

113
00:05:57,053 --> 00:05:59,333
Speaker 3: we tend to lose our you know, lose our call

114
00:05:59,373 --> 00:06:02,813
Speaker 3: about or be much less patient. And that's not particularly

115
00:06:02,893 --> 00:06:06,773
Speaker 3: useful for anybody. You're a bit less engaged. And we

116
00:06:06,813 --> 00:06:09,853
Speaker 3: know it's crucial for parents to be actively engaged with

117
00:06:09,893 --> 00:06:13,013
Speaker 3: their children, looking at them, interacting with them, talking to them.

118
00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:16,013
Speaker 3: And that's harder to do if you have if you

119
00:06:16,173 --> 00:06:18,853
Speaker 3: have low levels of energy. And and look, it can

120
00:06:18,893 --> 00:06:21,373
Speaker 3: be anything. You know, somebody you know, like your your

121
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:24,773
Speaker 3: your wife going out to have a massage is her thing.

122
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:27,893
Speaker 3: My wife at the moment has spent the morning herkle

123
00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:31,933
Speaker 3: dirkling and so that's that's her, that's her thing that

124
00:06:32,013 --> 00:06:32,493
Speaker 3: she's doing.

125
00:06:32,533 --> 00:06:35,133
Speaker 2: Just to research, just remind us what herkle gurkling is.

126
00:06:36,053 --> 00:06:39,493
Speaker 3: Herkle dirkling is an old Scottish term that means lying

127
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:43,773
Speaker 3: around in beard not doing very much. And we got

128
00:06:43,773 --> 00:06:46,013
Speaker 3: some we've got some friends and then Eden who often

129
00:06:46,053 --> 00:06:48,133
Speaker 3: will text and say, oh what are you doing and

130
00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:51,973
Speaker 3: they say, oh, we've just been hurkle gurkling sort of

131
00:06:52,653 --> 00:06:54,733
Speaker 3: stage of just you know, lying in and out of

132
00:06:54,773 --> 00:06:57,493
Speaker 3: beer and you know, getting up and you know, you

133
00:06:57,573 --> 00:06:59,973
Speaker 3: reminded me of it. Earlier this morning when you I

134
00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:01,613
Speaker 3: think you were talking about, you know what sort of

135
00:07:01,613 --> 00:07:03,093
Speaker 3: your day you're going to have you doing it? You

136
00:07:03,213 --> 00:07:04,813
Speaker 3: might just want to stay in your pajamas and watch

137
00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:08,973
Speaker 3: TV or something and that that that Herkle.

138
00:07:08,213 --> 00:07:12,293
Speaker 2: Kind of Yeah, I'm into it. That's great, very good.

139
00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:14,133
Speaker 2: It wouldn't be bad on a triple word score as

140
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:14,933
Speaker 2: well a hirkle Dirk.

141
00:07:14,973 --> 00:07:18,733
Speaker 3: Would it absolutely scrabble and bed?

142
00:07:18,853 --> 00:07:23,453
Speaker 2: Yeah, very good. Thanks to love it Tle Sutherland from

143
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,413
Speaker 2: Umbrella Well being there. We'll put all of that buys

144
00:07:25,453 --> 00:07:27,813
Speaker 2: up on the News Talks. He'd be website of course.

145
00:07:28,253 --> 00:07:31,373
Speaker 1: For more from Saturday Morning with Jack Tame. Listen live

146
00:07:31,453 --> 00:07:34,293
Speaker 1: to News Talks he'd be from nine am Saturday, or

147
00:07:34,333 --> 00:07:36,253
Speaker 1: follow the podcast on iHeartRadio