Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this new Zealand Heral podcast, The
Speaker 1: Little Things, the podcast looking at the little things that
Speaker 1: can make a positive impact on our day to day life.
Speaker 2: I'm Louis Eri and I'm Francesca Rudkin. Great to have
Speaker 2: you with us. Luise and I created this podcast a
Speaker 2: few seasons ago to deal with all the noise that
Speaker 2: comes at women from influencers and marketers telling us how
Speaker 2: we're supposed to be living our lives. In this podcast,
Speaker 2: we ditched the fads for fact and talk to experts
Speaker 2: who are at the top of their fields. Now, this
Speaker 2: episode of The Little Things is one that we've been
Speaker 2: meaning to do, actually for the last couple of seasons.
Speaker 2: A lot of you have been asking for it. How
Speaker 2: do we care and make decisions about the welfare of
Speaker 2: our aging parents.
Speaker 1: I've been watching friends go through the process of finding
Speaker 1: a home for their parents who needed some advanced medical care,
Speaker 1: and it surprised me how complicated it all seemed, all
Speaker 1: the different care options they had to learn about very quickly.
Speaker 1: A dear neighbor lives alone with little family remaining in
Speaker 1: his men where is declining? What happens next? I volunteered
Speaker 1: for time with my dog visiting an alder care ward
Speaker 1: and the most common worried people had after a fall
Speaker 1: or a break was that they could not return to
Speaker 1: their home and remained independent. That raised a lot of
Speaker 1: questions for me. Yeah, and a lot of it comes
Speaker 1: down to timing. I think one of the most difficult
Speaker 1: decisions is around timing. When is the right time to downsize,
Speaker 1: to move into a home, to ask your parents to
Speaker 1: stop driving? How do we get that balance right of
Speaker 1: respecting our parents and their wants and making the right
Speaker 1: decision for their needs. Days are long and the years
Speaker 1: are short, as they say, and we're raising our own children.
Speaker 1: We turn around and realize our beloved parents to have
Speaker 1: aged two. Sometimes they remain independent, sometimes they don't. Sudden
Speaker 1: or chronic medical events can complicate things, so planning and
Speaker 1: understanding our options can help.
Speaker 2: So we're thrilled to have esther Perium, director of the
Speaker 2: Aldernette Group, with us to help us get our heads
Speaker 2: around planning and caring for our parents or any other
Speaker 2: elderly member of the family. Can we use the word
Speaker 2: elderly joining us now is still welcome?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Lastly, can I use the word elderly? Use I don't
Speaker 2: want to use old.
Speaker 3: Well, I think you probably have to ask the person
Speaker 3: that you're talking with, you know, how do they prefer
Speaker 3: to be abreast? I work in this world and I
Speaker 3: use a whole range of terms older person, older folk,
Speaker 3: older people, adults. Sometimes the old there is if we're
Speaker 3: talking about it in the medical sort of sense, there
Speaker 3: is classifications about what is old, so in a medical
Speaker 3: sense over sixty five, believe it or not.
Speaker 4: And then they've got a really cool term called the
Speaker 4: old old.
Speaker 2: Which I heard that one. I love it? What's old old?
Speaker 2: How old do you have to be?
Speaker 4: Five? Right?
Speaker 2: I like that? And writing that one down? I love it? Hey, Ester,
Speaker 2: can we first start off with look, there's always been
Speaker 2: a sandwich generation. There always is a sandwich generation. Have
Speaker 2: we got better at dealing with the challenges, particularly when
Speaker 2: it comes to looking after our old old and our elderly?
Speaker 2: You know, we are we getting better at it?
Speaker 3: I don't know, to be honest, I think we are
Speaker 3: perhaps a lot of more cognizant of it. We are
Speaker 3: thinking about it a little more. But there's been massive
Speaker 3: changes in how we live as a society, so you know,
Speaker 3: we don't have to go too far back to find
Speaker 3: people who used to live with their grandparents, and so
Speaker 3: there was you know, situations where people were there was
Speaker 3: co caring going on, older people perhaps caring for younger
Speaker 3: people in the funo and still in some communities that's
Speaker 3: really prevalent, but there's working parents, which means that often
Speaker 3: there's not always a parent at home that middle person.
Speaker 3: So there's definitely challenges now with the economic climate that
Speaker 3: we live in. Most homes required to adults to be
Speaker 3: working to fund rental, mortgage and discover basic living costs.
Speaker 3: So that does mean that there's probably at the moment
Speaker 3: a lot more stress on those middle people to do
Speaker 3: the work at both ends to support their older people
Speaker 3: and to support.
Speaker 4: Their younger people.
Speaker 2: And of course we're having babies later, which means you've
Speaker 2: often got menopause and puberty in a household at once
Speaker 2: as well as parents to look after. And people are
Speaker 2: living longer as well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely we do see I mean, I can remember,
Speaker 3: you know, it was a bit strange that people have
Speaker 3: great grandparents, but now because we are living longer, we're
Speaker 3: seeing more great grandparents.
Speaker 4: Definitely, it's not unusual.
Speaker 3: For women in their forties and men much later than
Speaker 3: that to be having children. So yeah, there's definitely that
Speaker 3: sandwich is getting tighter and tighter.
Speaker 1: The irony of that is, I feel like my children
Speaker 1: never going to have children. I mean they're still young,
Speaker 1: but you know, if they want children, they'll have them later.
Speaker 1: I'll be old old. You won't be old old. So
Speaker 1: I was thinking about this actually, about the sandwich thing.
Speaker 1: We might feel like they meat the sandwich now, but
Speaker 1: we've got to remember that we're going to be the
Speaker 1: bread at some point too. So we need to know
Speaker 1: about this for our own planning as well as helping
Speaker 1: helping our parents and grandparents or oldly neighbors or whoever
Speaker 1: it is that you're looking after. So this is a
Speaker 1: really important conversation, I think, and we're really looking forward
Speaker 1: to diving right into it.
Speaker 2: Is it important that each member of the family plays
Speaker 2: a part in caring for aging parents, that it doesn't
Speaker 2: just fall to one child.
Speaker 3: Oh, this is the problem that's just universal, as if
Speaker 3: I A. We cared for my grandmother until she died
Speaker 3: at home. But what people are able to bring to
Speaker 3: the table is really different, Like we're not all coming
Speaker 3: from the same starting place. You might have members of
Speaker 3: families where there is a non working adult who can
Speaker 3: come and help. There are so many people spread across
Speaker 3: the grot globe now, so that's a real big issue
Speaker 3: for some families that perhaps the person who might be
Speaker 3: seen as the eldest and the most reliable is actually
Speaker 3: somewhere else in another country entirely. You might have issues
Speaker 3: with children, some children still living at home due to
Speaker 3: their life circumstances. There's just yeah, I don't think everybody.
Speaker 3: In an ideal world, we'd all have the same tools
Speaker 3: and skills and be able to share equally in that caring.
Speaker 3: But the reality of it is we're not starting from
Speaker 3: nobody starts from the same place.
Speaker 1: Should you have that discussion in a family before you
Speaker 1: think you need to about that kind of thing, or
Speaker 1: will organically or does it just end up in a
Speaker 1: big fight?
Speaker 4: I think that you should talk about it.
Speaker 3: And one of the big you know, one of the
Speaker 3: big sayings in health is nothing about me without me.
Speaker 3: So if you're going to have that discussion, have it
Speaker 3: with your older folk in the room as well, because
Speaker 3: they may not want to be caredful at home by you.
Speaker 3: They may have you know, they may think, oh no,
Speaker 3: I don't want my children performing personal cares for me.
Speaker 3: It may be just that they have some, not a version,
Speaker 3: just a desire to have some. They much sets dignity
Speaker 3: to not have to share that, and they need to
Speaker 3: be aware of how much people can give as well.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it can be really disappointing for a family to
Speaker 3: realize that they can't give as much as they'd like,
Speaker 3: or they can't be as present.
Speaker 4: As they like.
Speaker 3: And aging and needing support is really really variable. Some
Speaker 3: people have a really really good later life and then
Speaker 3: have a sudden decline and need to support for only
Speaker 3: a short amount of time. Other people, especially if it's
Speaker 3: something wi perhaps some of the dimentias, will have a
Speaker 3: very long decline, which might mean that you know, you
Speaker 3: might not be supporting someone for six weeks to die,
Speaker 3: you might be supporting someone for.
Speaker 4: Six years to age in place and then die as well.
Speaker 3: So there's messes of It's just every case is so unique.
Speaker 3: But definitely I agree have the talk early, have it
Speaker 3: with all of the people who are concerned, but then
Speaker 3: don't feel that you should pressure people to give more
Speaker 3: than they're prepared to give, because bad caregivers are unwilling caregivers,
Speaker 3: and you do not want someone unwilling to be.
Speaker 4: Caring for your person. You're a special person.
Speaker 3: At the latter stages of their life, they're not going
Speaker 3: to be loving and careful when they're doing transfers from
Speaker 3: beds into chairs. You know they'll be rough, not on purpose,
Speaker 3: but just you know, their heart's not in it, so
Speaker 3: they're feeling obliged.
Speaker 4: People shouldn't feel obliged.
Speaker 3: They should give care willingly and lovingly, because that's the.
Speaker 4: Best kind of care.
Speaker 2: I mean, it can take a real emotional toll on
Speaker 2: a family, can't it. And you know, as you mentioned,
Speaker 2: there's nothing you can do about the fact. If you
Speaker 2: know you've got one sibling who happens to live in
Speaker 2: the city where a parent is and everybody else is
Speaker 2: spread around the globe, that's just the reality of it.
Speaker 2: I had a good friend who was the hands on
Speaker 2: daily care of for a parent as well as working,
Speaker 2: and she had to sort of deal with siblings offering
Speaker 2: advice and criticism from afar and she kind of knew
Speaker 2: that was coming from a place of guilt maybe on
Speaker 2: their behalf, that they weren't there and that she was
Speaker 2: doing that work. But it wasn't hugely helpful, So you
Speaker 2: do have to. You do all have to kind of
Speaker 2: accept situations and the realities and then just keep asking
Speaker 2: that question. I suppose how can I help? What do
Speaker 2: you need?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: And for someone who's being like the really, if there
Speaker 3: is one or two people who are being the very
Speaker 3: active gegier perhaps living in with that person, I think
Speaker 3: that if it is for a longish period, find I
Speaker 3: should definitely have conversation about how if they can't be
Speaker 3: there physically, how they can Pacts can contribute financially if
Speaker 3: they're possible, if they're able to. So there are a
Speaker 3: myriads of home support agencies and caregivers who pacts can
Speaker 3: come in and do a couple of overnights so that
Speaker 3: someone can get a full night's rest. Most of us
Speaker 3: who have been parents will know how torturous sleep deprivation is.
Speaker 4: Babies grow out of it.
Speaker 3: Older people who are waking often during the night are
Speaker 3: not going to grow out of it. So you know,
Speaker 3: it's a really long time to have undisturbed sleep. Look
Speaker 3: at things like, are the agencies that you can pay
Speaker 3: to come in? Perhaps you can fly home for a
Speaker 3: week and give your boosiners doing the keregiving a complete break,
Speaker 3: seend them on a holiday, put them in a hotel
Speaker 3: room somewhere, and try and share the burden as much
Speaker 3: as possible, because that especially if you've got one or
Speaker 3: two main caregivers, they need as much support as the
Speaker 3: person they're care and for to ensure that they can
Speaker 3: continue their care and journey, because if they fall over
Speaker 3: will come at a cost.
Speaker 1: So if we take it outside of the family just
Speaker 1: for a moment and look into the types of care
Speaker 1: as you've started to discuss there, how would you know
Speaker 1: if it is time to start talking about a move
Speaker 1: or in home care.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So in New Zealand we've got a fairly good
Speaker 3: system that allows us to assess whether people require it
Speaker 3: at any stage. You can just decide that you would
Speaker 3: privately like to fund for our services in the home,
Speaker 3: and you can purchase those services it and lots of
Speaker 3: people will take baby steps into that. It might be
Speaker 3: using a companion driver service rather than driving themselves.
Speaker 4: That's just start to help you with this stuff.
Speaker 3: So you can do little bits you don't have to
Speaker 3: like got hardcoret into like we're going to get a
Speaker 3: keg over and every day and they're going to do
Speaker 3: all this stuff you can try and see what works
Speaker 3: for you. If you are wanting to get assistance with funding,
Speaker 3: then you need to go for an assessment. And an
Speaker 3: assessment is something that is done on a package called INTERRYE,
Speaker 3: which is as a worldwide tool to assess people's abilities.
Speaker 4: And if an older person.
Speaker 3: Is needing assistance, that will probably strike the tall a
Speaker 3: number of times throughout their aging journey.
Speaker 4: So the first time might be that they go and.
Speaker 3: See their GP and the GP says, oh, you don't
Speaker 3: look like you're managing so well, we're going to get
Speaker 3: you an assessment and see if we can get you
Speaker 3: some home help something like that. That first assessment will
Speaker 3: be fairly low key, but it still can take quite
Speaker 3: a lot of time.
Speaker 4: It could be up to an hour in length.
Speaker 3: It will probably happen at the person's home, and there
Speaker 3: will be a specialist, a special assessor who comes out
Speaker 3: and sees them, and INTERI is done on a computer
Speaker 3: and they ask a whole heap of question, some which
Speaker 3: seem completely unrelated.
Speaker 4: To what's going on.
Speaker 3: They'll ask you, you know, who popped in for a
Speaker 3: cup of coffee last and did you make it or
Speaker 3: did they make it? And now let's go for a
Speaker 3: little walk down to the letterbox, and all of these
Speaker 3: things are pulling to get a picture for the assessor
Speaker 3: who's answering questions in their computer that says what kind
Speaker 3: of care and support this person might be because, as
Speaker 3: you know, we try to be more holistic in assessing
Speaker 3: this stuff now, so it's not just about is this
Speaker 3: person falling over?
Speaker 4: Often they're also looking at is their issues.
Speaker 3: Of loneliness, isolation, mobility, nutrition, All of these things are
Speaker 3: really important and create a whole picture. So you might
Speaker 3: at the end of an assessment be told, look, we
Speaker 3: think that if you have a little bit of physio,
Speaker 3: you don't actually need any home help because if we
Speaker 3: can get your moving again better, that's going to help.
Speaker 4: And other stuff.
Speaker 3: Times they might say, look, we think that you probably
Speaker 3: need someone to come in three times a week to
Speaker 3: help you with showering so that you're feeling better about
Speaker 3: how you're presenting yourself and things like that. So that
Speaker 3: TERI assessment tool goes all the way through right into
Speaker 3: residential care and is used in residential care if you
Speaker 3: need to change from say a resk time level of
Speaker 3: care to a hospital level of care. So you might
Speaker 3: touch that tool lots and lots of time through your journey.
Speaker 3: If you're needing help.
Speaker 1: It's great that there's an evidence based tool. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not a stab in the dark. It's actually quite and.
Speaker 4: It's internationally based as well. Yeah, so it's not just
Speaker 4: New Zealand data.
Speaker 3: We of course the people who are looking at the
Speaker 3: data can pull out the New Zealand specific stuff, but
Speaker 3: it's international and it does allow for some beach tracking
Speaker 3: as well, and in some places internationally they have what they.
Speaker 4: Call a nude beach approach. You know, you show me yours,
Speaker 4: I'll show you mine, and.
Speaker 3: They're able to look across different services and say, hey,
Speaker 3: well you guys are doing good with this thing, and
Speaker 3: then ask those people to share what they're doing so
Speaker 3: everyone can bring down markers of poor care or support.
Speaker 2: So as to as you go through that assessment process
Speaker 2: and you might be deemed, you know you might, they
Speaker 2: might go right, Okay, you need a bit of help here,
Speaker 2: bit of help here, we need to get you into
Speaker 2: a rest home now. Things like that, if you're eligible,
Speaker 2: is that fully funded by the state.
Speaker 3: Or okay, so for home based support services, if you
Speaker 3: have a community service card, yep, it's going to be
Speaker 3: fully funded. So most older people do have a Community
Speaker 3: Services card and their care will be funded for at
Speaker 3: home support. When you enter residential care, then there there's
Speaker 3: a number of assessments that have to happen. So the
Speaker 3: first assessment is the one that we've talked about. It's
Speaker 3: the needs assessment do you need care?
Speaker 4: That's done with the INTERR tool.
Speaker 3: And then there's what's called income and asset testing and
Speaker 3: that tests who pays. So it comes as quite a
Speaker 3: shock to most New Zealanders that you are required to
Speaker 3: pay for your own care. The owners will initially fall
Speaker 3: on you and the state will only pick up the
Speaker 3: bill after they've done an assessment to see how much
Speaker 3: you earn, but also how much you own or have
Speaker 3: access to through assets that you or a trust might.
Speaker 2: Own, and what is that benchmark?
Speaker 3: So it does vary depending on the living situation that
Speaker 3: you're in. For example, if you are a single adult
Speaker 3: living alone, the asset threshold is two hundred and eighty
Speaker 3: four thousand.
Speaker 4: Six hundred and thirty six dollars to be percise, it does.
Speaker 1: Change, right, So that's sorry that was a single person.
Speaker 4: That's a single person who was living alone. Who needs here?
Speaker 4: So which is most people, because usually if there is a.
Speaker 3: Partner at home, there's usually a lot of effort from
Speaker 3: that partner in faro to keep that person at home.
Speaker 4: So yeah, but.
Speaker 3: As you you know, two hundred and eighty four thousand
Speaker 3: dollars in change, if you own a home, you're going
Speaker 3: to be paying for your own care, that's right. Yeah,
Speaker 3: So there are the government has things like a residential
Speaker 3: care loan where they will put a caveat if you
Speaker 3: really really don't want to sell your family home, they
Speaker 3: can put a caveat against the property and advance you
Speaker 3: the money for your care.
Speaker 4: That's non interest bearing.
Speaker 3: However, on your death, that loan is immediately well on
Speaker 3: your death or sale of that property, it's immediately repayable.
Speaker 3: So for people who have emotional tie of their home,
Speaker 3: it can be a really good thing. The reality of
Speaker 3: it is very few people who to residential here are
Speaker 3: going to come back out.
Speaker 4: It is usually a one way journey.
Speaker 2: What about access esther if you know, especially if maybe
Speaker 2: appearent is sort of going downhill quite quickly and they're
Speaker 2: getting assessed and yet they need to get into a
Speaker 2: residential home. How easy is it and how quickly can
Speaker 2: these kind of things happen.
Speaker 4: So assessment varies from region to region.
Speaker 3: Although it's a part of the water, howth in z are
Speaker 3: trying to bring everything in line. There's just more people
Speaker 3: and more places and fewer people in other places. So
Speaker 3: in some cases an urgent assessment might be able to
Speaker 3: be done within a few days, but in a large
Speaker 3: number of places a non urgent assessment will be like
Speaker 3: six to eight weeks away.
Speaker 2: Because we do have an aging population. This is what
Speaker 2: concerns me. You know, it's not like we didn't know
Speaker 2: that we're going to have a huge amount of older people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So just to clarify something I'm a little bit
Speaker 1: confused about. So what if you haven't had an assessment
Speaker 1: or so? An assessment is a critical part of that
Speaker 1: pathway into care. So you couldn't say have a parent
Speaker 1: that you go don't need an assessment. They're clearly falling
Speaker 1: over frequently, they're mostly blind and they need to go
Speaker 1: into a home.
Speaker 2: It doesn't work like that. No, you can go it privately, though,
Speaker 2: can't you?
Speaker 3: As far as I'm aware, there's only one facility in
Speaker 3: the whole of New Zealand. Who will who operates outside
Speaker 3: of the sort of health end Z system. Yes, you
Speaker 3: can paig privately, However they will the facility will probably
Speaker 3: want you to have an interie assessment because if they
Speaker 3: admit you and then you run out.
Speaker 4: Of funds or stop paying your fund your.
Speaker 3: Fees, they will then have to do an assessment to
Speaker 3: determine whether or not you should be there, and if
Speaker 3: they are, if you are below the threshold for entry.
Speaker 4: They can't get any government funding to cover your care.
Speaker 3: And I think people are hugely surprised at how frail
Speaker 3: and unwell people have to be before they enter residential care.
Speaker 2: It's a high barrier.
Speaker 3: Most people will be struggling to walk, so they won't
Speaker 3: be very steady on their feet, probably if not singlely
Speaker 3: or doubly incontinent.
Speaker 4: They'll have some issues around toileting.
Speaker 3: They'll probably have some level of cognitive impairment, they may
Speaker 3: need to be eating a modified diet. So there's a
Speaker 3: lot like people have to be very very unwell before
Speaker 3: they're in here.
Speaker 2: That's good for families to know, because I think a
Speaker 2: lot of the time you suddenly look at them and go, gosh,
Speaker 2: we need some help, and to have a bit of
Speaker 2: an understanding that yeah, that might be a little bit
Speaker 2: there to reach than you think is good to know.
Speaker 1: I do know some older people who have kind of
Speaker 1: made the leap and said, look, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: wait for that, you know, early seventies, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to sell my home and buy a good apartment in
Speaker 1: a retirement, yeah, retirement village, and then they know that
Speaker 1: village has the progressive care should they need it.
Speaker 4: Villages are for the people that they're great for. They
Speaker 4: are super great.
Speaker 3: They only offer accommodation though, of fourteen percent of older
Speaker 3: New Zealanders, so that most older News Islanders will not
Speaker 3: live in a retirement village, and for many of them
Speaker 3: it's because they can't afford it. It is an interesting
Speaker 3: sort of financial situation in that it's a completely different
Speaker 3: model to the model on the outside world. Very rarely
Speaker 3: is their capital gains involved. The Retungkent village model. It
Speaker 3: focuses more on rather than building assets. It's an opportunity
Speaker 3: to use some of those assets to pay for a lifestyle,
Speaker 3: and it is for those people who love it, a
Speaker 3: really good lifestyle. As you said, there's lots of support,
Speaker 3: community connections, less worries about housing, safety and security, there's
Speaker 3: all that stuff.
Speaker 4: So for some people it's a really great option.
Speaker 3: There is, however, a slight issue that whilst you might
Speaker 3: have priority entry into a key facility, if the facility
Speaker 3: is full, they simply can't tack you.
Speaker 4: It's of no room at the inn sort of thing.
Speaker 3: The research has shown that there's not a lot of
Speaker 3: people who have to go off site for care. But
Speaker 3: I think you touched on it earlier when you said
Speaker 3: that sometimes things can happen really quickly, and that does
Speaker 3: like if people have a massive stroke or something like that,
Speaker 3: that can massively. That can mean within days you go
Speaker 3: from fully independent to needing care. And in those situations,
Speaker 3: you might have time to wait for a care bed
Speaker 3: to become available with in a retirement village, and you
Speaker 3: might need to go somewhere else. But you can always
Speaker 3: ask to have your name put on a waiting list.
Speaker 3: You can negotiate with the person that you have to
Speaker 3: go to in the interim to have a reduced period
Speaker 3: of notice when you need to leave. But you might
Speaker 3: find that you need to pay for care fees at
Speaker 3: two facilities for a little period.
Speaker 2: I was just thinking that, yeah, yeah, it's a.
Speaker 4: Bit like flatting.
Speaker 3: You know you find it too flat and you're still
Speaker 3: going to pay your old you know, you've got x
Speaker 3: amount of notice there and you've got to get into
Speaker 3: this one by that time.
Speaker 4: So if there's any crossover, you are left holding holding.
Speaker 2: That, yea, Esther, if there was ever a conversation to
Speaker 2: be had that made me take my key, we savor
Speaker 2: and retirement plans a little bit more seriously. This is
Speaker 2: probably one of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean getting older is actually really really expensive.
Speaker 3: There's just a lot of stuff to consider, and it's
Speaker 3: potentially going to get even trickier with fewer New Zealanders.
Speaker 4: Owning their homes.
Speaker 3: For example, the right of ends and souper is based
Speaker 3: on the fact that you own a home and that
Speaker 3: you don't have rent or a mortgage to pay, so
Speaker 3: that can be a real challenge. And we're thinking about
Speaker 3: living on ends and souper as well.
Speaker 2: You're listening to the Little Things and our guest on
Speaker 2: the podcast today is Eldernette director Esther Perium, who was
Speaker 2: helping us plan and care for our aging parents. Were
Speaker 2: back shortly after this break. Esther, you mentioned at the beginning,
Speaker 2: you know there are lots of services that can help
Speaker 2: older people in their homes and things, and it would
Speaker 2: be great. I'm sure there's a lot of people out
Speaker 2: there who are starting to maybe get concerned about their family.
Speaker 2: What are some of those? Obviously are the good old
Speaker 2: meals on wheels. I can remember my mum delivering those.
Speaker 2: My grandmother had somebody who came in and help to
Speaker 2: bay a couple of times a week. As you mentioned,
Speaker 2: you can get drivers. What are the kind of services
Speaker 2: are out there that people could could look for if
Speaker 2: they just want to help a parent who's staying in
Speaker 2: their home.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely heaps of things to consider. So first of
Speaker 3: all is the space that you're living in? So is
Speaker 3: the home a suitable place? Does it have too many stairs?
Speaker 3: Is the bathroom easily accessible? Like a shower over a
Speaker 3: bath is obviously quite challenging if you are not so
Speaker 3: steady on your feet anymore, so looking at what is
Speaker 3: the bathroom?
Speaker 4: Like, are there's steers in the house? All those things.
Speaker 3: There are housing modifications that you can undertake. There is
Speaker 3: government funded housing modification, but the waitlist is very long,
Speaker 3: so I would advise to go a private if you can,
Speaker 3: so you might look to put in remps or you
Speaker 3: can have seen those really cool little seats that sit
Speaker 3: on the side of a steer.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, putting me up the stairs.
Speaker 3: So you know, if you want to stay in your
Speaker 3: two story, three story house, then look at putting a
Speaker 3: steer lift in.
Speaker 4: So that's sort of home stuff outside of home there.
Speaker 4: As you said, there's so many things.
Speaker 3: If you're privately paying, I'd say that the sky is
Speaker 3: almost the limit. There are home support agencies who will
Speaker 3: take you to the movies and watch the movies with you,
Speaker 3: and take you up for a cup of tea afterwards
Speaker 3: and talk to you about what you.
Speaker 4: Watch at the movies.
Speaker 3: They'll tack your dog to the vets, they'll take your
Speaker 3: dog for a walk, anything that you need right through
Speaker 3: to the As we've touched on, the really important stuff
Speaker 3: around personal care is showering, bathing, weren't dressing, medication management,
Speaker 3: all of that stuff as well. You've got driving services
Speaker 3: who are spectacular and help people when they're no longer
Speaker 3: able to drive.
Speaker 1: My dad was in the army briefly when he was younger.
Speaker 1: If you were any kind of vet, you can get
Speaker 1: gardening services. They come to your home. They get this
Speaker 1: strapping young man he comes around, he mosa lawn, he
Speaker 1: clips the hedge. It's amazing, and you don't have to
Speaker 1: have been in the services for very long or you know,
Speaker 1: have even done act of dudy overseas. I was quite
Speaker 1: blown away by that. I don't know, I guess that's
Speaker 1: funded by the Ministry of Defense.
Speaker 2: Not sure you were saying.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about the quality of life and
Speaker 1: how how how variable it is for those who have
Speaker 1: and those who don't. You know, yes, this disky is
Speaker 1: a limit if money is not an issue, but if
Speaker 1: you've been on a middle income even probably have your
Speaker 1: career before, can we say we came along.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It's a bit depressing, isn't it that.
Speaker 1: The quality of life is so variable depending on your income.
Speaker 3: It's pretty I think it's a pretty hard thing for
Speaker 3: us to swallow because I think that we and especially
Speaker 3: the older generations, we're sort of told that the state
Speaker 3: will care from you from cradle to grave and everything
Speaker 3: will be fine and everything will be covered. But just
Speaker 3: like if you look at you childcare, for example, the.
Speaker 4: Reality of it is we live in a more.
Speaker 3: Capitalist society now where there are more options for those
Speaker 3: who have funds, which does result in a teared system
Speaker 3: of care. And yeah, it is super challenging because a
Speaker 3: lot of people see older people as a real asset
Speaker 3: and a real valuable part of our community, and they
Speaker 3: see that it is time for them to perhaps get
Speaker 3: back some of what they've put in. And for some
Speaker 3: older people that can be super challenging if there have
Speaker 3: been people who have been really giving in the voluntary
Speaker 3: sense within their community, because that was a generation of
Speaker 3: women who stayed at home and did good charitable works
Speaker 3: and things like that, and now they look to find
Speaker 3: who are the people who are going to be supporting them.
Speaker 3: Now it's their turn to receive, and they look around
Speaker 3: and all the women are at work. It is a
Speaker 3: bit of a mindset shift and quite challenging for people.
Speaker 3: And it's probably one of the reasons why you'll hear
Speaker 3: people in the set of saying that we need to
Speaker 3: more highly value those who work with older people, so
Speaker 3: that people see that careers and caregiving and nursing and
Speaker 3: things like that are valued.
Speaker 4: They're well enumerated.
Speaker 3: People see them as a career pathway, not just a
Speaker 3: job for people who perhaps don't want or can't work
Speaker 3: somewhere else.
Speaker 2: Absolutely as well, Oh, No.
Speaker 1: I was volunteering for a while with my dog up
Speaker 1: in Orkland Hospital in the elder people's ward, and the
Speaker 1: physios really struck me their gentleness, their kindness. You know,
Speaker 1: they are trying to get these people back to being
Speaker 1: as independent as they can be after a fall or
Speaker 1: chronic illness or whatever, but or in operation and yeah,
Speaker 1: I just was like, you.
Speaker 2: Pay them everything, you can give them everything.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a funny thing.
Speaker 2: Just to finish off sort of the services and things. Esther,
Speaker 2: if you decide to have a parent come and live
Speaker 2: with you, but you are also both working in things
Speaker 2: and you'd like to be able to try and get
Speaker 2: a little bit of assisted help, can you still do
Speaker 2: that or if they're living with you it does sort
Speaker 2: of do you get asset tested. I suppose, as.
Speaker 3: I said before, if it's time based support services and
Speaker 3: if the older person has a community service card that regardless. Yeah,
Speaker 3: the investment will look at what kind of familial and
Speaker 3: support and support they have at home. So the assessment
Speaker 3: they might not get access to certain things because it
Speaker 3: is seen that the family can provide some kind of
Speaker 3: support and there is an increasing reliance on friends far note, neighbors,
Speaker 3: anybody who has any contact with older people, there is
Speaker 3: an increasing reliance on them to meet some of the
Speaker 3: needs that older people have. You know, things like could
Speaker 3: you ask your neighbor to take out you're really been
Speaker 3: on rubbish day? Those sorts of things there will they
Speaker 3: will ask you to call into your networks. So do
Speaker 3: expect that there will be some expectation.
Speaker 1: Someone I'm involved with currently going through this, we've got
Speaker 1: a WhatsApp group between I know, it's growing all the time.
Speaker 1: It was just a couple of neighbors. Now it's his
Speaker 1: GP as well. Now it's a woman who gives them
Speaker 1: susan coffee every day and she's like, he hasn't been
Speaker 1: in for a few days, as anybody seen him. We
Speaker 1: know first heard about it and thought I'm going to
Speaker 1: have to do something here, and I feel guilty walking
Speaker 1: past the house without dropping in. It felt like such
Speaker 1: a big thing, And then once we just shared it,
Speaker 1: it's just becomes kind of.
Speaker 2: We're all, you know, we're all in.
Speaker 1: It's together, and we're all just checking in and it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel so burdensome anymore.
Speaker 3: It's also really important to consider the ken the person
Speaker 3: that you're supporting can they bring something to the table
Speaker 3: as well, So nobody loves to feel like they are
Speaker 3: the receiver of charity or people's good intentions. It begins
Speaker 3: to feel very burdensome on someone. So I would suggest
Speaker 3: that perhaps talking with the old person about what they
Speaker 3: can do. And it might be things like can you
Speaker 3: text me or call me when the kids get home
Speaker 3: from school so I know that they've got home. It
Speaker 3: might be if I get you the ingredients for this thing,
Speaker 3: can you make the.
Speaker 4: Biscuits that we need for the kids lunch this week?
Speaker 3: Because they still have skills and knowledge and things to share.
Speaker 3: So the more we can make it feel like a
Speaker 3: two way relationship where they are also giving something back
Speaker 3: for as long as possible. I mean, they're going to
Speaker 3: get to the point probably where they can't. But tiny
Speaker 3: little things like can you tu win the kids at home?
Speaker 3: Can you put this for us? Can you maybe they
Speaker 3: can still manage a wallybin?
Speaker 4: Can you take my wheely bin in and out? Those things?
Speaker 3: Suddenly it feels like, oh, this is a reciprocal relationship.
Speaker 2: But it's also purpose too. Purpose is good in.
Speaker 4: Life, in life, it's really important.
Speaker 2: So Esther, one of the difficult conversations to have with
Speaker 2: your parents. Aside from suggesting they stop driving, the other
Speaker 2: one is maybe talking about time to downsize or to
Speaker 2: make that move, or to think about, you know, where
Speaker 2: they may end up in the future and things. And
Speaker 2: it could be quite a morbid conversation to have because
Speaker 2: you don't want to kind of go right in there
Speaker 2: and sort of take over and feel like you're controlling
Speaker 2: them and seduce that they, you know, do the clean
Speaker 2: out and declutter and start thinking about where they're going.
Speaker 2: But you kind of it is quite important to try
Speaker 2: and broach the topic because once again, things can happen
Speaker 2: in a hurry and what people are left to deal
Speaker 2: with can be overwhelming.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that one of the biggest, one of
Speaker 3: the best ways to handle this conversation is to own
Speaker 3: your own feelings in those conversations. So rather than saying Dad,
Speaker 3: you need to declutter, you need to do this, you
Speaker 3: need to do that, actually saying Dad, I like wake
Speaker 3: at night, awake at night, and I worry. I worry
Speaker 3: so much that when something's going to happen, Like you
Speaker 3: go outside in the middle of the winter and it's
Speaker 3: a frosty day and you slip on the steps and
Speaker 3: you crack your head open.
Speaker 4: And you die under the washing line. Dad, I worry
Speaker 4: about that.
Speaker 3: And if your older person hears that and says, you
Speaker 3: know what, I don't care. My independence is more important
Speaker 3: to me than you lying, then perhaps you.
Speaker 4: Can just start worrying. It's your own thing.
Speaker 3: If you've shared that with them and they choose to
Speaker 3: ignore that, then as frustrating as it is.
Speaker 4: These people are adults. They've got a.
Speaker 3: Ton of life experience. They've lived through a whole heap
Speaker 3: of other things. They've got more life experience than we have,
Speaker 3: and they're independent people, and most of them are still
Speaker 3: making They may be crazy decisions, they may be frustrating decisions,
Speaker 3: may be all of those things. But at what point
Speaker 3: in our lives and we've talked, you talked earlier about
Speaker 3: you know, we need to have these conversations because this
Speaker 3: will be us one day. At what stage are we
Speaker 3: going to let our kids take control of our lives?
Speaker 2: I was going to say, I'll probably have a completely
Speaker 2: different conversation with my parents than I will let my
Speaker 2: children have with me.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's really challenging. But to own your own
Speaker 4: feelings and to actually say this is actually.
Speaker 3: More about me than it is about you. But have
Speaker 3: you considered Dad, that if you don't clean out that shed,
Speaker 3: I'm going to have to do it when you're gone.
Speaker 3: Can we at least stand in the doorway and you
Speaker 3: can tell me what's important. Maybe that's a halfway point.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's not. You have to declutter and downsize and
Speaker 3: move out. Maybe yet's tell me what's important, Tell me
Speaker 3: where the lookless stuff? I'm sharing my worries with you.
Speaker 3: You don't care about that, Okay, Well I'll just set aside.
Speaker 1: I think that's the single most biggest golden nugget I've
Speaker 1: heard so far in this conversation. I'm absolutely loving that.
Speaker 1: You know, you actually just described exactly how my grandmother died.
Speaker 1: She went outside, she wanted to put something in the bin.
Speaker 1: There was a bush that was bothering her. She pulled
Speaker 1: on it. She slipped in the house slippers, fell over,
Speaker 1: cracked her head open, and died there overnight. However, natual
Speaker 1: shouldn't crack her head open, But the doctors said, look,
Speaker 1: there wasn't anything that specifically we would say could have
Speaker 1: killed her, except probably pneumonia. But he suggested she may
Speaker 1: have made a choice laying there that she couldn't get
Speaker 1: up or she wasn't going to get up, and that
Speaker 1: was that. So in a way, I don't know whether
Speaker 1: they said that just to make us feel better, but
Speaker 1: that was exactly what happened. It's kind of weird.
Speaker 3: It's weird, weird, and it's weird because I think we
Speaker 3: were sort of try and think of about older people.
Speaker 3: We infantalize them a bit, we sort of make them
Speaker 3: not as Yeah, I mean they had just the grand ups.
Speaker 3: They do know what they'd die And yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: I know I was a woman that the more the
Speaker 3: older I get, the less IF's I give about anything
Speaker 3: and everything.
Speaker 4: And I suspect that we'll continue my whole life.
Speaker 3: Do I care about whether people care if I'm wearing
Speaker 3: high heels into a meeting or whether I've worn makeup
Speaker 3: or and maybe when I'm older, I will care less
Speaker 3: and less about what my kids think about where I live.
Speaker 4: And I would just want to do it my way.
Speaker 3: And as annoying as it is, I mean, I don't
Speaker 3: know about you, ladies, but I find a lot of freedom.
Speaker 2: I don't care very much. I had interesting my parents
Speaker 2: approached me recently worth part of attorneys were various different
Speaker 2: ones over different things medical and things like that, and
Speaker 2: I was hugely grateful that, you know, it wasn't a
Speaker 2: conversation I had to have. They just acknowledged maybe it
Speaker 2: was sensible to have and we kind of got on
Speaker 2: and did those and they were very straightforward. Is that
Speaker 2: something that you should be thinking about as well.
Speaker 3: Totally, but you should be thinking about it now, not
Speaker 3: about your older folk doing it. You should have enduring
Speaker 3: powers of attorney in place.
Speaker 4: We should all have enduring powers of attorney in place.
Speaker 4: A lot of people don't know that.
Speaker 3: If something happens to you where you are unable to
Speaker 3: make decisions for yourself, and it could be a car accident,
Speaker 3: massive stroke, all sorts of things, if somebody then needs
Speaker 3: to start making decisions for you and you do not
Speaker 3: have it written.
Speaker 4: Down, you have to go court.
Speaker 3: It takes bloody ages and it's freaking expensive, and it's
Speaker 3: not sure your likelihood is something happening when increases as
Speaker 3: you get older. But it is a conversation that we
Speaker 3: should all be having regularly with people. Because the other
Speaker 3: thing about in enduring powers attorney, Yes they're super important,
Speaker 3: but it's also super important that you keep talking to
Speaker 3: your attorneys about what your wishes are because they may
Speaker 3: change all So just for listeners, really important to know
Speaker 3: that there are two different types of attorney that you
Speaker 3: can appoint. So one for like your care and welfare,
Speaker 3: so that's if you need to make decisions about medical,
Speaker 3: decisions about moving into a care home, about sort of
Speaker 3: the care that you might receive if it was as
Speaker 3: a result of an accident.
Speaker 4: And the other is for your property and stuff like that, so.
Speaker 3: About your house and about your bank accounts and all
Speaker 3: those sorts of things. So you don't have to choose
Speaker 3: this one person, you can choose two purple can be
Speaker 3: the attorneys for property, one for health and welfare. But
Speaker 3: then you can appoint successes, so you can say, if
Speaker 3: something happens to Francesca, and then it goes down the
Speaker 3: line to this.
Speaker 4: Person and this person and this person.
Speaker 3: So if you're smart, you can actually set it up
Speaker 3: so they only have to see the lawyer once rather
Speaker 3: than having to update it.
Speaker 4: If one of your attorneys.
Speaker 3: Has something happened to them, so you can do you
Speaker 3: can make it that they have.
Speaker 4: To consult with other people.
Speaker 3: So while this person might have the final say, you
Speaker 3: can say, yep, this person has the final say, but
Speaker 3: they must consult with my brother and sister, my parents,
Speaker 3: my best friend before they make a decision.
Speaker 4: So, wow, huge document. It's super important, he was going.
Speaker 1: To say, so it actually it has to go through
Speaker 1: a lawyer. It can't just be an email that you've said,
Speaker 1: I want this, this and this.
Speaker 3: No, it's a really it's a binding legal document because
Speaker 3: the power that you are giving people, and this is
Speaker 3: an amazing thing, is that they become you. They have
Speaker 3: as much right as you, so when you can no
Speaker 3: longer talk for yourself, they become your voice. So it's
Speaker 3: really important to think about who that person is. For
Speaker 3: a lot of people, it is a family member, but
Speaker 3: it's sure as heat doesn't have to be. I know
Speaker 3: that some of my girlfriends probably know me a little
Speaker 3: bit better than some of my family members, So maybe
Speaker 3: they might be somebody who I would trust to make
Speaker 3: decisions for me, who I know would speak with, you know,
Speaker 3: the other people that over a glass of wine I talk.
Speaker 4: About, Oh my god, imagine if I have this horrible
Speaker 4: thing happen and what would I do?
Speaker 3: And I don't often have those level of conversations with family.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we might be having a conversation after. Just make
Speaker 2: this through. Yeah, if someone is thinking, oh it's quite
Speaker 2: expensive meatpop to a lawyer to do this. Can you
Speaker 2: just go to your Citizens and Vice Bureau? Can you
Speaker 2: find a layer there to lawyer?
Speaker 3: But some lawyer's fees do very little bit, Spindy. You're
Speaker 3: probably looking that most of them will probably able to
Speaker 3: do if you under two grand or around two grand,
Speaker 3: But if something dreadful happens and somebody has to go
Speaker 3: to court, it will cost you ten grand.
Speaker 1: That's one way of introducing it with your parents. You
Speaker 1: could if they haven't done it, you could say, well, hey,
Speaker 1: I've just thought I have to do this. Why don't
Speaker 1: you know maybe you should do it too.
Speaker 3: And you could make them your attorneys for something, and
Speaker 3: then a point of success of attorneys. Right that your
Speaker 3: mum is somebody that you want to talk to the
Speaker 3: doctors about what kind of care you might want to
Speaker 3: receive after a car accident, you know she might be
Speaker 3: the best person for that. So just because people are
Speaker 3: older doesn't mean that they can't be appointee as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, cool East. When you know a little while ago,
Speaker 2: when there was all the talk about President Biden and
Speaker 2: whether he should step down from the US election. And
Speaker 2: somebody texts me on the Sunday session the show I
Speaker 2: do a news talks a b and said, it's like
Speaker 2: trying to get your parents to stop driving, you know,
Speaker 2: like having that conversation with them because they're so determined
Speaker 2: that they're fine and they're okay once again. It's a
Speaker 2: little bit like that question about you know, decluttering in things.
Speaker 2: Is it up to them to make the decision?
Speaker 3: Gosh, this is like a super personal one for me
Speaker 3: because recently my teenage daughter was knocked off her bike
Speaker 3: by an older driver and we chose to go through
Speaker 3: a community panel, to not take it to court, but
Speaker 3: to go through.
Speaker 4: A community panel and resolve things that way.
Speaker 3: I had to look deeply into myself to where the
Speaker 3: hat of parent and the hat of somebody who understands
Speaker 3: this thing from an aging perspective or tries to. I'm
Speaker 3: not an older person. I can't fully understand. But as
Speaker 3: sure as he try and put that hat on, I
Speaker 3: think that there comes a point where if so, in
Speaker 3: my situation, the driver who who hit my daughter, I
Speaker 3: don't think he should have been driving. It wasn't to
Speaker 3: do with his age, he was just not a safe driver.
Speaker 3: During the session, it was clear to me that he
Speaker 3: wasn't quite able to follow lines of conversation and things,
Speaker 3: you know, went great. The police also decided that he
Speaker 3: needed to undergo an assessment before drive again. But what
Speaker 3: I was able to offer in that situation was advice
Speaker 3: around what you can do because there are I think
Speaker 3: for older drivers, I think it's really important that they
Speaker 3: have agency and it's horrible to have your license taken
Speaker 3: off of you. So if you can have a choice
Speaker 3: about when you stop driving, at least you feel a little.
Speaker 4: Bit empowered that you were the one who chose to stop.
Speaker 3: So I think that that's a conversation that you can say,
Speaker 3: if you don't feel one hundred percent confident, hey, let's
Speaker 3: think about stopping and what that might look like. The
Speaker 3: things that people should consider is that if they're no
Speaker 3: longer driving.
Speaker 4: They can sell their vehicle.
Speaker 3: How much will that realize by way of money that
Speaker 3: they can then contribute towards things like taxis, driving services,
Speaker 3: bus fares. There's also a lot of costs associated with driving.
Speaker 3: So we've got the costs of warrant of fitness registrations,
Speaker 3: petrol insurance, all the costs that come every time you
Speaker 3: go and take your car for a warrant, when you
Speaker 3: need a new tire.
Speaker 4: If you add that all up, that's actually a really
Speaker 4: large ement.
Speaker 3: Some people will end up with like ten or twenty
Speaker 3: thousand dollars in the bank for their the driving fund.
Speaker 3: Now that's a lot of taxis and buses, and it
Speaker 3: doesn't Whilst there is a huge loss and a grief
Speaker 3: around losing a skill like driving and the independence that
Speaker 3: gives you.
Speaker 4: Things like Uber.
Speaker 3: Are making it easier for people to get places where
Speaker 3: they want right now. You don't forget to the bus stop.
Speaker 3: You can call the thing right to you. It's not
Speaker 3: like a taxi. It doesn't take forever.
Speaker 4: You don't know how much.
Speaker 3: It's going to cost all that stuff, so there are
Speaker 3: ways around it. I think it's a horrible loss. As
Speaker 3: a teenager, we celebrate the independence that we gain when
Speaker 3: we get our driver's license. It's a big part of
Speaker 3: our society. It's a terrible, terrible loss, and I think
Speaker 3: we should allow all the people to feel the grief
Speaker 3: that comes with that and acknowledge that it is a
Speaker 3: grief and a loss, not just oh you shouldn't drive anymore.
Speaker 3: It's probably a loss of identity if they drive other
Speaker 3: people around, maybe they drive a friend to church, a
Speaker 3: grandchild to sport, all of those things that's painful. So
Speaker 3: I think it's a case by case.
Speaker 4: It's very, very.
Speaker 3: Awkward, but it's a conversation with having conversation with going
Speaker 3: into thinking about how much can we get in our
Speaker 3: transport bank if we don't drive anymore.
Speaker 2: I hope your thought is okay, Esther.
Speaker 4: But yeh, lucky.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's one of those things that, like some of
Speaker 1: the things we've talked about before, you were saying about
Speaker 1: owning your feelings, but this one has got external implications
Speaker 1: if if it goes badly.
Speaker 3: This gentlemen could have killed my daughter, pull the other way.
Speaker 3: So I think that's you know, And that was my
Speaker 3: message to him at the community session, was you know,
Speaker 3: I don't want you to live with the fact that
Speaker 3: you could kill exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: Yes, So look, we've just got two minutes, and I
Speaker 2: was just wondering if we could just touch on funerals
Speaker 2: and broaching funerals and things. A lot of times people
Speaker 2: leave instructions so it's quite simple and clear. But of
Speaker 2: course it's another moment in our lives where it's such
Speaker 2: takes such an emotional toll on families, and it can
Speaker 2: be very difficult count it. It's kind of important to
Speaker 2: have a chat with your parents about what they want.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is, and there are a couple of ways
Speaker 3: that you can do this. And I'm going to go
Speaker 3: even a step further. I'm going to even touch on dying.
Speaker 3: That's important to talk about how and where you want
Speaker 3: to die as well, not just how you want it done.
Speaker 4: Afterwards.
Speaker 3: There's an amazing talk called an Advanced care plan. If
Speaker 3: you go on to my acpt all dot in ze,
Speaker 3: it's my Advanced Care Plan or dot in zed. They
Speaker 3: have a fabulous document that talks about how when you'd
Speaker 3: like to die, who you'd like around you, what would
Speaker 3: you like to happen. It also touches on funeral stuff.
Speaker 3: It is so for some people. For some cultures, talking
Speaker 3: about death is a bit like calling death. So it's
Speaker 3: important to be culturally appropriate. And I think that within
Speaker 3: the Pakia society.
Speaker 4: I don't think we should have anything to worry about.
Speaker 3: We should be able to go in there, get brave
Speaker 3: and talk about the tough stuff. Once it's done. It's done,
Speaker 3: you don't need to talk about it again. So it's
Speaker 3: one of those things you can tack off your list.
Speaker 3: Also worth noting that when we talk before about the
Speaker 3: asset threshold for entering care and being quite to pay for.
Speaker 4: It yourself, you can prepay a funeral.
Speaker 3: Fund of ten thousand dollars that's exempt from that asset testing.
Speaker 3: So it's really important to think about it, not just
Speaker 3: from the emotional point of view, but financially. There is
Speaker 3: some advantages to planning a funeral and putting ten thousand
Speaker 3: dollars in one of the accounts of a funeral trust.
Speaker 1: It's ten thousand dollars the average cost for a.
Speaker 4: Oh no, the average cost for a funeral is a
Speaker 4: lot higher than that.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 4: Thousand dollars goes a long way towards her.
Speaker 2: You can see how unprepared we are for all this.
Speaker 3: We can do a whole other talk on funerals and
Speaker 3: the cost well, I mean, geesh, we have to is over.
Speaker 4: Twenty thousand dollars for a funeral in years ound.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we'll be back in season four fer we'll
Speaker 2: be back to talk funerals, because you know that's just
Speaker 2: giving me more too much to think about right now. Esther,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for your time. It's been really
Speaker 2: great to talk to you, and you've given us a
Speaker 2: lot of very practical, valuable information. So thank you.
Speaker 4: Look forward to doing it again.
Speaker 2: Well that was a lightning noise, Yeah, it was. I
Speaker 2: think you hit the nail on the head. And Esther
Speaker 2: made the comment as well, aging is expensive, Getting old
Speaker 2: is expensive. And I think, as she said, a lot
Speaker 2: of us presume that we're going to be supported and
Speaker 2: helped later on in life. But it sounds to me
Speaker 2: like it's harder than I thought it would be for
Speaker 2: a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just made a huge sigh, and I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have, because actually she's given us information that might
Speaker 1: sound a little frightening, but actually she also given us
Speaker 1: some really really practical advice. But you're right, it is expensive.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'd like to think i'd have more than
Speaker 1: nearly three hundred thousand dollars left. But is there any
Speaker 1: points You just have to own a home, you know,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how much case you've got in the bank.
Speaker 2: It also highlights, I think, is the importance of staying well,
Speaker 2: you know, looking after yourself. Go back and listen to
Speaker 2: every The Little Things podcast that we've done on keeping
Speaker 2: your health and your mobility. Go back and listen to
Speaker 2: our Mobility you know episode. Just so that we can
Speaker 2: look after our sous for as long as we possibly
Speaker 2: need to.
Speaker 1: I mean, I had a very My father's a very
Speaker 1: active man and he put that in the bank then.
Speaker 1: And he's eighty seven now and yip, sure things are
Speaker 1: changing for him, but he's in the old old category.
Speaker 2: He's an old old Yeah, but he's doing well. And
Speaker 2: I was well king.
Speaker 1: I put that down to the activity did in his midlife.
Speaker 1: So yeah, just keep moving people, and for not only
Speaker 1: for yourself, but so that you can help your parents.
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us on our New Zealand Herald podcast
Speaker 2: series The Little Things. We hope you see this podcast
Speaker 2: with the women in your life so we can all
Speaker 2: be prepared and understand the options when it comes to
Speaker 2: looking after our eting parents.
Speaker 1: You can follow this podcast on iHeartRadio or wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcasts, and for more on this and other topics,
Speaker 1: head to Endzed Herald dot co dot NZ.
Speaker 2: We'll catch you next time on The Little Things