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Speaker 1: Welcome along to the Breakfast Podcast Christmas Special. Merry Christmas

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Speaker 1: everyone on Christmas Day.

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Speaker 2: And so good of all of you to take time

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Speaker 2: out of your Christmas Day. I know you've all got families,

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Speaker 2: so to be here, I know the you know what

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Speaker 2: you've gone through.

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Speaker 3: I mean, so you've had to come back from Germany

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Speaker 3: for this.

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Speaker 1: I'm say, fuck the family. It's nice to be hanging

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Speaker 1: out with our work family.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, fuck the family.

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Speaker 1: Fuck your family. Fuck your family on Christmas, not actually

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Speaker 1: fuck them. Don't do that. Don't do that.

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Speaker 3: I mean, play how you want to. Christmas traditions. What's

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Speaker 3: the Christmas tradition in the Wells household?

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Speaker 1: Jerry, The Wells is just as just like a dry

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Speaker 1: Min's pie, as dry as possible, fruits of course. Actually,

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Speaker 1: the day starts with the waking up and the presents

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Speaker 1: in a pillow case. Back in the day at the

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Speaker 1: at the end of your beer from Santa and then

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Speaker 1: Santa's presence would be would be Sanda would come down

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Speaker 1: the chimney and put out a beer for Santa. A

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Speaker 1: beer and cookie a mince pie actually is what Santa

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Speaker 1: seems to like from our place. Santa would drink the

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Speaker 1: beer and some milk for the reindeer. Come, yeah, carrots

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Speaker 1: are range of too, actually, and then and then yeah,

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Speaker 1: opening of the presence in the morning, and then pretty

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Speaker 1: much just stress after that, getting ready for the family lunch,

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Speaker 1: which happens at about two thirty three, two thirty three

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Speaker 1: o'clock in the Wells household.

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Speaker 2: What about and the Stuart family, Well, the Stuart family,

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Speaker 2: it's actually the Fleming family on my mom's side of

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Speaker 2: the family. We get up gifts, early doors, and then yeah,

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Speaker 2: straight into the stress of cooking for you know, ten people.

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Speaker 2: Back in the day, it was always Grandad about in

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Speaker 2: the vigie patch digging up some new spuds. Oh well

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Speaker 2: for the day, Yeah, for the day, straight up, straight

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Speaker 2: out the ground, yep, straight in there. I actually think

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Speaker 2: that was just a way for him to get out

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Speaker 2: of the house. He'll be out there, and the thing is,

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Speaker 2: it's a it's a great escape clause because no one

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Speaker 2: wants to get stuck helping him, so you're not gonna

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Speaker 2: go out there and ask him how he's going. And

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Speaker 2: then he also gets to duck out for a few hours.

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Speaker 2: But a backyard cricket will get a run as well.

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Speaker 2: I had a great backyard cricket yard at my grandparents place.

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Speaker 2: Me and the uncle will get out there and do that.

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Speaker 2: One year I got cricket bat and pads and everything,

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Speaker 2: so we had a bit of a nit session out there.

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Speaker 2: One year I accidentally hit Mutley over the head with

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Speaker 2: the criocket bat because Mutley chased.

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Speaker 3: The ball when my uncle bowled it. Jeez, that was grim.

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Speaker 2: And then we're into the salmon, ham, chicken spuds, and

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Speaker 2: then you're basically just gorging for the rest of the afternoon.

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Speaker 2: At about sort of two three, I'll get told off

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Speaker 2: for having had too many beers on Christmas. And that's

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Speaker 2: were the first of what I would say be several

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Speaker 2: arguments throughout the afternoon. And then at some point someone

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Speaker 2: will suggest putting love actually on for the evening, and

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Speaker 2: then and then yeah, to be honest, it genuinely is

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Speaker 2: a different person every year. And then well, at least

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Speaker 2: last year, once we run out of person one Blazz,

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Speaker 2: we had to over around to another Blaz.

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Speaker 1: What's happening in the Ruder household today, Ruda.

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Speaker 4: Well, today, what we're doing is we just get the

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Speaker 4: in laws over from next door, because they live at

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Speaker 4: the back part of our house and so we'll be

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Speaker 4: doing some croissant.

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Speaker 1: Start the day with a croissant. Open prisons before that, Yes.

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Speaker 4: Yes, we will open the prisons because we've got a

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Speaker 4: nine and eleven year old just fucking rap it out

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Speaker 4: early doors, absolutely rab it.

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Speaker 1: But then open the presence and then they play with

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Speaker 1: the prisons all day, which is quite good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then they throw them out, Yeah, they throw them out.

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Speaker 1: It's good. At least get one day of present use.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And you look at it and you're like, obviously though

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Speaker 4: a lot of the presents delivered by Santas, so I

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Speaker 4: definitely don't look at them and go, what a waste

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Speaker 4: of my fucking money. I definitely do not do anything

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Speaker 4: like that.

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Speaker 1: You know what? Do you know what I bet you do?

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Speaker 2: You know what your kids could get you for Christmas?

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Speaker 2: That I think would mean more than anything Christmas? Chit

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Speaker 2: a fucking gratitude.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but.

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Speaker 4: Just hearing men and I I speak. Actually, I just

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Speaker 4: want to take you back to the late eighties and

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Speaker 4: early nineties. I remember being a kid and because of

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Speaker 4: course the Curtis side of my family, my mum's side

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Speaker 4: of the family, Cliff and them, well, Uncle Cliff or

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Speaker 4: second cousin, Cliff was more better known by myself. He

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Speaker 4: didn't come along to the family hungies that we used

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Speaker 4: to have. But it's funny. We used to have a

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Speaker 4: family a family hungy for Christmas, and the ads, the

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Speaker 4: uncles would gather around and they would play this little

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Speaker 4: joke on the kids because they smoked as well, and

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Speaker 4: they would put a bottle into the top of the

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Speaker 4: hungy and when the kids weren't looking, they would have

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Speaker 4: a little smoke and they would a little bit of

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Speaker 4: smoke inside the bottle and they'd say, oh, look, kids,

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Speaker 4: what happens is the smoke rises in and once there's

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Speaker 4: enough smoke inside the bottle, it will fall over. And

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Speaker 4: that's how we'll know that the honey is ready. And

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Speaker 4: of course that was all a lie, and we found

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Speaker 4: out later when we grew up. But yeah, I remember

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Speaker 4: a lot of cabbage, a lot of pork, and a

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Speaker 4: lot of good times with the extended Curtis Faner.

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Speaker 3: You've just had to leave. You've be doing it now.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't Bellshekle turn up at your place and whack you

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Speaker 1: with sticks? Have you been naughty? Isn't that what happens

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Speaker 1: in Germany?

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Speaker 5: I'm not naughty.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't know. Okay, crampis or something, Hey crampis.

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Speaker 3: Never heard that Mark Clambert.

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Speaker 1: Does Mark clamber turn up with the oppers Black Pete?

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Speaker 1: Have you ever.

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Speaker 2: You guys ever heard of black black Pete?

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Speaker 1: And that's in the Netherlands. Black Pete is the dude

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Speaker 1: that cruises around with Saint Can delivers the presence. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he climbs down the chimney.

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Speaker 3: And he gets all covered in So is he covered

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Speaker 3: and so it?

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Speaker 1: Or is he just an African slave? It's hard to

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Speaker 1: know exactly, but it's a great Dutch tradition dating back

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Speaker 1: five six hundred.

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Speaker 5: Years has when I would say, putting a bit of

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Speaker 5: space between that, what we do on Christmas is for us,

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Speaker 5: Christmas is on the twenty fourth. In Germany. We don't

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Speaker 5: really do anything on the twenty fist.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's how you manage to get back here so quick.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it was pretty fast last night. Pretty fishent over

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Speaker 5: there and yeah, twenty fourth we do Christmas dinner altogether,

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Speaker 5: and then you have to eat dinner. And while you're

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Speaker 5: eating dinner, you have to look at the prisons under

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Speaker 5: the tree and you can't open them until dinner.

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Speaker 3: It must be bruial for a cad Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So when do the prisons get put under.

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Speaker 5: The tree, Well, Santa Claus comes at Claus.

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Speaker 1: When does Santa Claus arrive? Because I understand in Germany

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Speaker 1: he actually everyone has to leave the house at a

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Speaker 1: certain time and then Santa Claus comes at night. Is

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Speaker 1: that the way it works? Yep.

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Speaker 5: So while you know, the adults are prefing dinner or whatever,

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Speaker 5: my grandparents would go out with me and my cousin

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Speaker 5: would go for a walk around the town and then

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Speaker 5: we'd come back in center. It was there sometimes even

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Speaker 5: even you would get center, like the real center was

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Speaker 5: at my house.

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Speaker 1: Wow. Really Yeah, it seems to ride at night in museum.

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Speaker 1: I suppose it's different time zone.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well it's daylight till about eleven o'clock at night.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes it always.

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Speaker 2: It was the most brutal sleep as a kid in

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Speaker 2: New Zealand, because, particularly down south, the sun doesn't sit

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Speaker 2: to al almost midnight, and so you get sent to

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Speaker 2: bed and you can hear the adults still outside having

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Speaker 2: a gay old time.

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Speaker 1: Why are they gay?

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Speaker 2: Full of your tied chair obviously having other snogging under

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Speaker 2: the same sex things under the missiletop.

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Speaker 1: Actually, why matey, I wouldn't have thought this as much of.

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Speaker 4: That rocking around the Christmas Street.

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Speaker 3: Well, there is a lot of it going on, and

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Speaker 3: it's often going on with family.

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Speaker 2: But that's why we've got extra fingers. But but it's

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Speaker 2: just an excruciating sleep as a kid because one it's

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Speaker 2: thirty degrees too, it's daylight.

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Speaker 3: You can hear everyone having fun and you know that

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Speaker 3: Santa's coming. Yeah, overnight.

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Speaker 2: My grandparents' house had fireplaces in every room, so you're like,

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Speaker 2: whatever room I sleep in tonight, I'm going to see Center.

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Speaker 2: Santa's got an opportunity here.

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Speaker 5: I kind of always feel like I was trying to

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Speaker 5: stay away from seeing Center because I feel like I

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Speaker 5: would ruin the magic.

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Speaker 1: That's how I was as a kid.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or he won't come until you aren't looking.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and he don't.

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Speaker 2: You want to give him a clear window to operate

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Speaker 2: because he because you have a lot of presents for

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Speaker 2: you quite like.

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Speaker 1: The Christmas Eve thing. Yeah, it's nice, it's quite nice.

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Speaker 5: It's also just because it's like dark all day almost

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Speaker 5: in Germany, so it's like you can't really do much

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Speaker 5: on a Christmas Day. Yeah, because it's winter, it's cold,

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Speaker 5: so you do like a nice warming dinner.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, a little bit of history for everybody, and

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Speaker 1: a little bit of entomology for for Christmas. It is

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Speaker 1: in fact a celeration of the winter solstice. That's where

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Speaker 1: it started. It's a it's a what's the name tradition,

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Speaker 1: the pagan for ye, pagan Pagan solstice tradition. So all

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Speaker 1: of the things which is borrowed by Christianity because they

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Speaker 1: knew that they couldn't take it away, because people loved this,

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Speaker 1: these particular traditions.

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Speaker 3: But I thought, sweet baby Jesus, who was way in

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Speaker 3: a manger.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, nah, didn't work out that way. That was just

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Speaker 1: that I remember, sort of adapted for the European to

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Speaker 1: fit in with pagan celebrations that already existed around winter solstice.

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Speaker 1: So the whole idea of set being inside. Yeah, mistletoe

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Speaker 1: all stolen from pagan stuff. The present giving the coca cola?

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Speaker 1: Is he not part of?

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Speaker 3: Was he not there for Jesus?

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Speaker 1: Well, people often well, how does Santra and Jesus? How

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Speaker 1: does it? Because Jesus doesn't deliver the presence nine pounds

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Speaker 1: three ounces. See, that was silly Jesus should have been

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Speaker 1: the person delivering the presence.

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Speaker 2: And also how would you feel if you're one of

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Speaker 2: the three wise men who showed up with gold frankencents

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Speaker 2: and merh yeah and then didn't get shit? Yeah you know,

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Speaker 2: but that's why I sat next getting all the fun work.

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Speaker 1: So weirdly in New Zealand where it's where it's an

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Speaker 1: outdoors the day, big nick energy in New Zealand, whereas

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Speaker 1: in Europe it's very much and everything's indoor focused.

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Speaker 4: You know, if Jesus was a baby. Now like three

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Speaker 4: ways men to turn up and then what do they

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Speaker 4: give my fucking PlayStation? That's insane.

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Speaker 1: I quite like I quite like mirror.

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Speaker 3: Yeah you break mror guy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you guys smellt mirror.

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Speaker 3: You're a moor Man.

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Speaker 1: I like mirror. It's a bit of ror. I'm wearing

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Speaker 1: a bit of mirror today. Actually that's a r m

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Speaker 1: U h R.

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Speaker 3: I think it's in y r H Why it is mirror.

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Speaker 3: There may have been two hours in there, like when

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Speaker 3: your mirror.

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Speaker 2: Right, like when you're about Mr Chanese Chinese Seminal Christmas Carol, right,

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Speaker 2: Mr the Morman.

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Speaker 1: Moved.

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Speaker 3: I feel like I feel like now is as good

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Speaker 3: a time as they need to take a break when

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Speaker 3: you do that, right, right, right, mirror right.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if anywhere else is doing a podcast on

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Speaker 1: Christmas Day. I can't see anyere else in the building. No,

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Speaker 1: quite like at this time of year.

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Speaker 2: Actually yes, I yeah, no one around, no one to

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Speaker 2: see what we are to.

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Speaker 3: What about best Christmas presents you've ever got?

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Speaker 1: I think?

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Speaker 3: I think for me.

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Speaker 2: The cricket gear, so I got like the full it

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Speaker 2: was cooker burrough bat pads, gloves.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 3: Fuck, I was stoked.

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Speaker 2: That's good prison And that sucked for everyone else because

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Speaker 2: they then had to come out and give me throwdowns

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Speaker 2: all day, which sucked.

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Speaker 1: But I remember two Christmas presents, particularly one in nineteen

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Speaker 1: eighty four, so I would have been seven, and my

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Speaker 1: brother and I got a combined Christmas present of a

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Speaker 1: table tennis.

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Speaker 3: Table, oh dude, which is quite.

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Speaker 1: Of a deal in nineteen eighty four. Still have it?

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Speaker 1: Still got the nineteen eighty four table tennis table still working?

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Speaker 1: Is that in your garage? If I said, is at

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Speaker 1: a batch? Yeah, no, that one's a new one. And

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Speaker 1: the other one the year before that was a bike,

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Speaker 1: a red Line BMX, which I got like a chrome

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Speaker 1: red line B Mix. I had that bitch for about

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Speaker 1: ten years.

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Speaker 3: Pedal backwards to stop it.

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Speaker 1: No, oh y hand, no years handbrakes. Well it's like

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Speaker 1: a just one year, but it was a it was

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Speaker 1: a damn good bike that. In fact, it still exists. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: still goes now from nineteen eighty three. Where is it? Ah? Okay,

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Speaker 1: great rusting away?

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Speaker 3: Can I lower the tone with another harrowing story from

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Speaker 3: my childhood place? Absolutely? I got a B Mix one

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Speaker 3: year for Christmas.

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Speaker 2: I must have been four or five years old, and

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Speaker 2: it was one of those B mix with the breaks

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Speaker 2: when you go backwards.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so you could do men as skids.

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Speaker 1: Yep.

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Speaker 2: I went out there biking and beer feet and slipped

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Speaker 2: and my toe went into the fucking chain the front.

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Speaker 2: Holy crap, No, yeah, right in the thing. And so

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Speaker 2: my mom comes out, she freaks out. My toes stuck

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Speaker 2: between the cog and the fucking chain. Yeah, Christmas Day.

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Speaker 3: Christmas still got a scar on one s.

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Speaker 2: Lucky you used to yeah and so so, but she

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Speaker 2: freaked out. She was like, I've got to get this out.

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Speaker 2: You know, She's not going to wait for someone to

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Speaker 2: get there with bolt cutters. Or the Mbu lamps or

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Speaker 2: whatever called Enbu lamps, and so she tried to peddle

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Speaker 2: it backwards but because that's the breaks, so that didn't work.

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Speaker 3: Next portocor right the way around.

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Speaker 2: You're joking me, but nah, And so yeah, I think

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Speaker 2: it was basically bone and tin and that was.

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Speaker 1: That was left.

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Speaker 3: But luckily I was young enough.

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Speaker 2: That the you know it all sort of grew back

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Speaker 2: and and sprouted back again. But I have still to

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Speaker 2: this day like a phobia of biking and gender and

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Speaker 2: gendles will be a fish.

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Speaker 1: I remember as a cat, I was running on the

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Speaker 1: side of the house one day and on the grass,

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Speaker 1: and my dad had left you know those secret tours

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Speaker 1: but your whole them like this and they sort of

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Speaker 1: go like like the horizontal, yeah, And he left them

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Speaker 1: in the long ish grass and they was sitting for

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Speaker 1: some reason. I don't know why, but he'd been doing

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Speaker 1: some kind of gardening and I was running down the

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Speaker 1: side of our house on the grass and I stood

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Speaker 1: right on top of my big toe, on top of

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Speaker 1: that second tour thing on the end. It went through

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Speaker 1: my big toe and started just it had nudged up

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Speaker 1: the nail nail and I was like, and my parents

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Speaker 1: game came sort of over, and I was like, and

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Speaker 1: so they were still in there, like they were stuck

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Speaker 1: in six and they was stuck in there. And we

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Speaker 1: went into the into the bathroom which had a bath

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Speaker 1: and there was blood everything. It was so much blood,

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Speaker 1: and then got the dead hole on the blood and

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Speaker 1: just red.

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Speaker 3: The blood was just reda.

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Speaker 1: My dad couldn't My dad couldn't deal with it. And

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Speaker 1: my mum had pulled these things out. I'll never forget

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Speaker 1: the feeling when they were being extracted out a out

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Speaker 1: of my toes. She just pulled them out. Oh, so

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Speaker 1: much blood. It was horrible. I had I think I

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Speaker 1: probably still got a scar on the bottom of my

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Speaker 1: bleaked It was almost sliced my tongue in toe.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, that was horrible. That's reminded me of

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Speaker 2: another one. That's what's not bad. It's pretty bad. I

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Speaker 2: don't know if this happened on Christmas or not. I'm

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Speaker 2: sure my family will listen to this and then correct me.

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Speaker 2: But my uncle came into the lounge and my mom

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Speaker 2: had just been sewing something and she'd finished sewing, was

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Speaker 2: sitting in this seat and she put the pin in

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Speaker 2: the arm.

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Speaker 3: Rest of the seat. She's just you know.

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Speaker 6: And he comes sitting and he's full of the yule

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Speaker 6: tide chair and he sits down at his slams his

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Speaker 6: hands on the thing, and this needle just goes straight

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Speaker 6: through like crucified as.

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Speaker 1: The story of Jesus.

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Speaker 3: He's got the stick mart He sat down, stick marked.

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Speaker 1: Himself and then running back out there. Oh man, it's a.

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Speaker 3: Great time for your tied injuries, isn't it. We made

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Speaker 3: a very ropey.

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Speaker 2: Excuse the pun tire swing out of a tree in

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Speaker 2: the backyard, run yere, and my dad was pushing me and.

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Speaker 3: On the little kids.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, whoa, push me higher and high, and then

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Speaker 2: he gave me a mighty heave and the rope just

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Speaker 2: snapped right half and I went flying into a bush

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Speaker 2: with the tire.

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Speaker 1: Yeah we have with the tire. Oh man. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: I don't know, stay safe out there, Yeah safe.

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Speaker 4: If we could go back in time and we were

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Speaker 4: on the radio last Friday in City of the Big

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Speaker 4: Show having to do it, we could have done Christmas injuries.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a topic, so many of them. Yeah, people

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Speaker 1: often tied this time of year. That's the other thing.

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Speaker 1: So they've just been through a full year of work

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Speaker 1: and more likely to have a fall crap.

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Speaker 2: Another Christmas one, again involving my uncle, was he got

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Speaker 2: a new golf club.

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Speaker 3: It was a widge.

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Speaker 2: We play this game. It's a brilliant move of unclemanship

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Speaker 2: from him. Where we'd go in the backyard. We called

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Speaker 2: it gidget and it was basically he would just sit

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Speaker 2: there and chip golf balls to me and I would

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Speaker 2: catch them. And I loved it and felt like slip

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Speaker 2: fielding practice. Well, one day he was practicing a new

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Speaker 2: flop shot he was trying to trying to invent, and

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Speaker 2: as he wound up for the flop shot, I stood

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Speaker 2: on a prickle and looked down right a thinned one

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Speaker 2: and have me ride in the bicyle. And then he

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Speaker 2: went into full damage controller, not going to.

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Speaker 3: Like what do you want? What do you need? Do

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Speaker 3: you want chocolate?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 3: How do I how do I bribe you out of

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Speaker 3: this one?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? All right, Well, Merry Christmas everyone, Yeah, stay safe, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: have a lovely day. Season's going to go start the honey.

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Speaker 2: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

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Speaker 3: Everywhere you go.

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Speaker 6: Take a look at the five and ten