1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:02,800 Speaker 1: With the John and Ben Podcast. 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 2: Cheers to Dilma making the world a better tea. 3 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,959 Speaker 3: I think you nice to be here, Holly. 4 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: Sexting big topic and Ben, just as we were about 5 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,600 Speaker 1: to start talking to you, a jaw dropping statistic. 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, forty percent on your article I'm reading on the 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,600 Speaker 3: parenting place, forty percent of young people in a survey 8 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 3: in last year said they'd done it. 9 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:25,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. 10 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, so there was informal research. Just looking at research 11 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 2: today in Australia, there was some research down in twenty 12 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 2: twenty one that said fourteen to eighteen year olds have 13 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:40,720 Speaker 2: found sexting ordinary practice. Eighty six percent have perceived sex 14 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,760 Speaker 2: in seventy percent have sent them, eighty. 15 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:44,280 Speaker 1: Six have received. 16 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 2: That is a wild figure, super high number. 17 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 3: So what do we do? Sorry, just well to use 18 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 3: the term strip it back, which seems like a weird 19 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 3: term to use. But what do you when you say 20 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,279 Speaker 3: sex thing? What do you exactly mean? 21 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: Like? 22 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:58,280 Speaker 3: I know what some of them I'm not an idiot, 23 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,480 Speaker 3: I know, but I mean, is it all time of? 24 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: Like? 25 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 2: The sex thing involves taking self made naked or partially 26 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 2: naked sexual photos, videos, or explicit text messages and send 27 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 2: them online or buy a text message, so they're often 28 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 2: referred to as nudes or a little bit more crudely 29 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 2: as dick picks. Yeah, as you know from the stats, 30 00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,759 Speaker 2: it is an increasing it's an increasing kind of more 31 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 2: normalized thing that is happening. And so I think as 32 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 2: parents it's really important that we are aware. I know 33 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 2: it's so cringey to think about our chilism and involved 34 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 2: with this, but we need to find foot it so 35 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,119 Speaker 2: that we can help prepare them for it if they're 36 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 2: asked to send a nude or they send one, Because what. 37 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 3: Are those conversations that you do need to have Because 38 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,680 Speaker 3: I know that not necessarily even just with it when 39 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 3: it comes to rude messages, but I know that, and 40 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 3: this probably comes from years of me having embarrassing sketches 41 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 3: and skits online that you know, things that I've done. 42 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 3: But once you send something I can't say to the kids. 43 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 3: Once you send, even of it's to your friend or whatever, 44 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 3: you've kind of lost control of that image or whatever 45 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,360 Speaker 3: it does you've seen that has now gone, even if 46 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 3: you trust them that way totally. 47 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 2: And I think this is such a good point is 48 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 2: that we have, like our kids are growing up in 49 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 2: such a different era than we were when I was 50 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 2: growing up in the eighties, I didn't even know what. 51 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 1: The until it was. If I wanted to see any 52 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: images of genitals, I don't have to go to a 53 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,359 Speaker 1: toilet wall and draw them on there. It is crazy, 54 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: it really is. 55 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,239 Speaker 2: It is, and so you know, he Okay. What we're 56 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 2: finding is that a lot of parents find this such 57 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,919 Speaker 2: an awkward, uncomfortable topic to talk about with their kids 58 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 2: because it is. It's really awkward, and we don't want 59 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 2: to imagine that our kids could be involved in this, 60 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,519 Speaker 2: but we don't prepare them for it, and we don't 61 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 2: have the kind of the conversation as an open thing 62 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 2: that they can know that we know about it and 63 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 2: they can come to us. They could get themselves into 64 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,360 Speaker 2: a risky situation. So here's an example I heard last 65 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 2: week from a counselor in New Zealand. It's a really 66 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:57,799 Speaker 2: upsetting story. Is about a young girl under sixteen. Her 67 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 2: boyfriend asked you to send a note to want to 68 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 2: pressure her, told her that everyone's doing it, so eventually 69 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 2: she sent him a nude. He edited the nude and 70 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 2: sent it an assembly by ear drop to everybody. It 71 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 2: was really just school in the school in the assembly, 72 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:20,800 Speaker 2: and for a year she didn't tell her parents, she 73 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 2: didn't tell any teachers, and he continued to after that event, 74 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 2: he started to pressure her to send more nudes, spun 75 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 2: threatening her, and it became this kind of escalating issue. 76 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 2: She kept it to herself. She was so embarrassed about it. 77 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: She ended up getting to a point where she was 78 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 2: self harming, really depressed, in suicidal and after he had 79 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 2: told him and then was able to see a counsel 80 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 2: and get some help. But this is such as not 81 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:51,040 Speaker 2: a unique situation. I hear these stories regally, and this 82 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 2: is why we do have to have conversations with our 83 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 2: kids and we can be guided by them. You know, 84 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 2: it's not happening to every child, but what we want 85 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 2: is for you know, if our child was asked to 86 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 2: send a node, or they see one, or they're getting pressured, 87 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 2: we want them to know they can come to us. 88 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:06,760 Speaker 2: We're not going to freak out, We're not going to 89 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 2: be angry at them. We're going to support them and 90 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 2: help them to know how to how to handle it. 91 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: There's a heartbreaking story. And if there are kids listening 92 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,600 Speaker 1: to this or parents listening to this, once you get 93 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: over that initial embarrassment. Once it's open and out there 94 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: and you're having a conversation, that disappears that embarrassment. 95 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,919 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, and I think what was awesome for 96 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 2: parents to be able to do for their kids. We've 97 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 2: got a great article on our website, but we love 98 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 2: the what would you do question? So it's just being 99 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,679 Speaker 2: a little bit curious about what your kids know about 100 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,160 Speaker 2: nudes and then ask, okay, so what would you do 101 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 2: if someone asks for a nude? This is a really 102 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 2: great way to help your kids think kind of critically 103 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 2: about what they would do in the situation before it 104 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 2: actually happens. And they've got some kind of tools in 105 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 2: their KTI so that they have the language, they know 106 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 2: how to respond. They might still kind of freeze and 107 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 2: you know, be a bit unsure, but they've had the 108 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 2: conversation and they know that they can come to you 109 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 2: and say, hey Mum, this thing happened, or hey dad. 110 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 1: I've just always applied by the rule just don't put 111 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: my genitaals on the internet. You know, that's just I 112 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: want to see them. 113 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 3: No, no, no, I don't even want to see my 114 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 3: own genitals. There'll on everyone else. 115 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 2: That's a message for our boys too. 116 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: You pat, No, they're horrendous looking things. 117 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, okay, so that's a worst case scenario. It 118 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: has happened. What can you and I know you deal 119 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 3: with this in the article as well. It's out there 120 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 3: in the world. There are some steps you can do 121 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:34,159 Speaker 3: to try and absolutely get it removed in some ways. 122 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, we want to contact the social media 123 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: platform immediately with it and shared. It might not have 124 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 2: been social media, It might have been ear dropped in assembly. 125 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 2: It could have been what several text message, So we're 126 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,920 Speaker 2: going to fit social media. You want to report it, 127 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 2: contact net Safe and make a report. They operate the 128 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,920 Speaker 2: Harmful Digital Communications at and they are able to help 129 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 2: help you navigate the process of getting access to that 130 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 2: image blocked. There's also a really great website called take 131 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 2: It Down, which basically puts like a hashing kind of 132 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 2: code onto the image and it will constantly fall the 133 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 2: Internet to find that image and take it down. It's 134 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 2: not feel proof, but yeah, net safe and take it 135 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 2: down and reporting it if it's on such reporting it 136 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 2: to that to that platform is really important. 137 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 1: We might really run take it down over a couple 138 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: of our old bits of content and you know, you flip, 139 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,159 Speaker 1: you flip the other side. You're just telling that story 140 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: of what that boyfriend was doing to that girl, and 141 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 1: he's clearly got a lot of learning to do in life. 142 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: But if you find one of your kids is sharing 143 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 1: the images like that, would that would be devastating. How 144 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: would you approach that? 145 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 2: Oh, do you know, it's really important for our kids 146 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 2: to know it's actually illegal. You're you're officially sending your 147 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 2: distributing child's excuse material. So that's a really important message 148 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 2: that our kids need to know, our boys and our girls, 149 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 2: because there is a bit of a culture developing with 150 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,159 Speaker 2: kids are sharing this type of content thinking it's funny, 151 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:59,080 Speaker 2: it's entertaining, it's amusing, and it's illegal. So you could 152 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,159 Speaker 2: have a policeman knock on your door. You could be 153 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 2: investigated at a crime and that's an important message we 154 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:04,960 Speaker 2: need to tell our kids. 155 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,280 Speaker 1: Well, that's yeah, that's that's really good. Holly Jene, this 156 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 1: has been very interesting. Thank you so much, and we'll 157 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: helpe you catch up with you shortly. 158 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, you too.