1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,280
Speaker 1: This episode of Asked Me Anything mentioned suicide and talks

2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,720
Speaker 1: about domestic violence. If you or anyone you know needs help,

3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,040
Speaker 1: please find the contact numbers in the episode notes of

4
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:10,880
Speaker 1: this podcast.

5
00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:12,600
Speaker 2: Hello.

6
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,000
Speaker 1: I am Paula Bennett and welcome to my new Zealand

7
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,959
Speaker 1: Herald podcast Ask Me Anything.

8
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:27,120
Speaker 2: Now.

9
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,680
Speaker 1: One thing I've learned in life is it's never too

10
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,400
Speaker 1: late to learn something new. So on this podcast, I

11
00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:34,599
Speaker 1: talk to people from all walks of life to hear

12
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,519
Speaker 1: about how they got to where they are and get

13
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,959
Speaker 1: some advice and guidance on some of life's biggest questions. Today,

14
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:45,000
Speaker 1: an incredible woman joins me on the podcast, Mia Motu,

15
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,720
Speaker 1: also known as the Night Maya Maya.

16
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:48,839
Speaker 2: Is a professional.

17
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 1: Boxer, the current IBO World super Bantamweight Champion. She's undefeated

18
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:59,279
Speaker 1: in her pro boxing career. She's an absolute inspiration and

19
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,120
Speaker 1: I am so glad to have her here today. Hi Maya, Hello,

20
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,840
Speaker 1: thanks for having me. I'm really excited. Okay, we'll do

21
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,600
Speaker 1: a quick for our question. You can't really go to

22
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,320
Speaker 1: the pubs and we stalkland. We're both worked out with

23
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,120
Speaker 1: were stays because we don't really have them, which is

24
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,679
Speaker 1: really it's ridiculous.

25
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,880
Speaker 2: But we'll get to that another time. But if you

26
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:18,360
Speaker 2: could go to.

27
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,479
Speaker 1: A night or at night out or something like that,

28
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,600
Speaker 1: who would the celebrity be? Who would the person be

29
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,720
Speaker 1: that you'd like to spend your time with. That's a

30
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,800
Speaker 1: good one, right, Yew's interesting? Well who would you like

31
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:32,680
Speaker 1: to ask questions to the evenet a chance? Oh?

32
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:37,440
Speaker 2: You must have some boxing heroes? Oh, I was thinking

33
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,399
Speaker 2: just to New Zealand. Sorry, no, it's talking about just

34
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,399
Speaker 2: dream Oh Canelo Alvarez. I don't know who that is.

35
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:48,520
Speaker 2: He's a professional boxer, I really yeah? And why oh?

36
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:52,320
Speaker 2: Because of us boxing skills. It's just he's my favorite

37
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:55,800
Speaker 2: fighter and he's just amazing. And how it keeps all

38
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,760
Speaker 2: us basic boxing skills just real simple? Really?

39
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, I'm going to leap straight into it because

40
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,320
Speaker 1: I don't get it. Yeah, because it's not me right,

41
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,240
Speaker 1: the thought of someone punching me in the face or

42
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,960
Speaker 1: me punching them in the face. I just I just

43
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,239
Speaker 1: don't get it. But you love it, Ah, I love

44
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,880
Speaker 1: it like O. So tell me what it is you

45
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,519
Speaker 1: love about boxing so much?

46
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,760
Speaker 2: What I love about boxing? Really? I find who I

47
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:25,520
Speaker 2: am and I feel like everyone's silent and it's just

48
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,840
Speaker 2: me and my opponent in the ring, and I find

49
00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:30,560
Speaker 2: and I discover something new about myself every time I fight.

50
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,959
Speaker 1: So even when there's all that chaos and noise going

51
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,200
Speaker 1: on around you, you're in a quiet zone in the

52
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,840
Speaker 1: middle of you know, what is a fierce competition that

53
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,160
Speaker 1: involves punching each other, But you go into a different zone.

54
00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,960
Speaker 2: Is that what you're saying? Yes, I go into a

55
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,000
Speaker 2: different zone. I go into my silent zone of just

56
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:55,200
Speaker 2: me and finding who I am, because I feel like

57
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,000
Speaker 2: every time I fight there's something new about me and

58
00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,840
Speaker 2: I learned something new about me every time.

59
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,080
Speaker 1: Is that and do you mean that in the way

60
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,880
Speaker 1: of your ability to keep going or you know?

61
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,960
Speaker 2: What is it? What are those types of things that

62
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,799
Speaker 2: you learn about yourself? Then in that zone, I learned

63
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,680
Speaker 2: basic life skills being in that ring. Really yeah, how

64
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,639
Speaker 2: to survive, well, yeah, how to survive, but also how

65
00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,600
Speaker 2: to be calm, how to be relaxed and really look

66
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,080
Speaker 2: at not just in the ring, but how I attack

67
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:29,600
Speaker 2: my life. Yeah. Well yeah, because you've bought.

68
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,079
Speaker 1: Through, right, I mean, you won that championship, Am I right?

69
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:34,360
Speaker 1: With a broken rib?

70
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,600
Speaker 2: Yes? I mean there, I just see I don't get there.

71
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,839
Speaker 2: How did you work through that pain because he must

72
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,120
Speaker 2: have been pain right, Oh, there was pain, but I

73
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,400
Speaker 2: can block it and literally what goes in my head

74
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,760
Speaker 2: is like nothing as hard as giving birth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

75
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,560
Speaker 2: I think if our body can go give birth and

76
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,400
Speaker 2: we go through different hormones and challenges and pain and

77
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,800
Speaker 2: suffering mentally and physically, then I can in the ring

78
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,960
Speaker 2: and I can handle that pain. Yeah. In fact, does

79
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,040
Speaker 2: the pain in some level fuel you or.

80
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,600
Speaker 1: Does it you know, like, can you can you find

81
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,360
Speaker 1: another place that keeps you going?

82
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,880
Speaker 2: Yeah? I definitely find another place. And it's it's it's

83
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,440
Speaker 2: so hard to describe it because it's just like I

84
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:21,480
Speaker 2: switch off and I just go, Okay, I can do this,

85
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 2: and I just believe in myself. Wow. I find like

86
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,719
Speaker 2: I switched from that pain and I turn it to belief.

87
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And I just feel like you can do

88
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,800
Speaker 2: this no matter what. I freaking love it.

89
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,000
Speaker 1: See I don't get it, yeah, but I love people

90
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:37,360
Speaker 1: that are just so passionate and so good at what

91
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:37,880
Speaker 1: they do.

92
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,760
Speaker 2: And that's you, right, yes, one hundred percent.

93
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,840
Speaker 1: But you came to it a bit what so you

94
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,240
Speaker 1: were boxing amateur young? Yes, I was in the family

95
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,159
Speaker 1: kind of thing, and then you didn't go pro until

96
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:50,320
Speaker 1: what four years ago?

97
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,279
Speaker 2: Yes? And am I right of you had to baby

98
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,240
Speaker 2: between then and now. Yes, So while you've been a

99
00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,360
Speaker 2: pro boxer, you've had a child. Oh not during PROBA.

100
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,479
Speaker 2: When I started pro, had a baby and she was

101
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,800
Speaker 2: only about six months. See that's amazing.

102
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, because, as you say, with childbirth and what it

103
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,680
Speaker 1: does to us as women, to our bodies, you know,

104
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,200
Speaker 1: even your ability physically and mentally to bounce back from

105
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,680
Speaker 1: that so quickly just absolutely astounds me.

106
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:20,920
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know, Like I even freak out it myself,

107
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,880
Speaker 2: like what I'm capable of doing? And I'm like wow,

108
00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,680
Speaker 2: But it always brings back to I always go back

109
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,800
Speaker 2: to like I gave birth, I pushed my children out.

110
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,680
Speaker 2: I can handle anything. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's a

111
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,120
Speaker 2: good lesson for it's all right. Yeah, it's like really

112
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,839
Speaker 2: amazing to see what our body like I literally birth,

113
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:44,160
Speaker 2: giving birth really woken me up to know what our

114
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:49,200
Speaker 2: body is capable of doing. And we put our own roadblocks,

115
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,240
Speaker 2: That's what I realized. We we we make excuses and

116
00:05:52,279 --> 00:05:54,880
Speaker 2: we put our own roadblocks to be like, Okay, this

117
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,440
Speaker 2: is as far as I can go. But really, when

118
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,320
Speaker 2: in birth, we don't have a choice. I want to

119
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,000
Speaker 2: push it out and handle the pain or they just

120
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,640
Speaker 2: cut you open. But I wanted to push it out. Yeah,

121
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,479
Speaker 2: and still had to handle it. And we suffer not

122
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,719
Speaker 2: just through the birth, but the whole duration of nine months. Yeah, yeah,

123
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,040
Speaker 2: which is it's challenging.

124
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, that physicality of a day is just what people

125
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,479
Speaker 1: don't get. Okay, I'm just go back to boxing, and

126
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,240
Speaker 1: then we do need to talk about these five children

127
00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:24,280
Speaker 1: for those that are listening.

128
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,039
Speaker 2: Five Yes, I did stay five.

129
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:30,119
Speaker 1: So let's go to the cancelation of your Unification world

130
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:33,680
Speaker 1: title fight against Alie Scottney. So because that was going

131
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,080
Speaker 1: to be a big one for you, right the win.

132
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:36,880
Speaker 1: Is it going to happen?

133
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,760
Speaker 2: Well, it was meant to happen definitely this year. Last

134
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,920
Speaker 2: weekend just been I should have thought. But it looks

135
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,760
Speaker 2: like it's going to happen next year early next year,

136
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,839
Speaker 2: and I know it's one hundred percent is going to happen,

137
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,320
Speaker 2: but it's just when she's ready. We're waiting on her.

138
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,960
Speaker 2: So we heard about what injury she's got. She had

139
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,279
Speaker 2: a carve muscle injury.

140
00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,440
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, it doesn't sound like she's pushing through the pain.

141
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,240
Speaker 2: Just say it. Yeah, but I guess that for her,

142
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:07,400
Speaker 2: she's making sure she has to be one hundred percent. Yeah, true, Yeah,

143
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:07,920
Speaker 2: so she's.

144
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,560
Speaker 1: Going to be You're going to beat her, yeah, right,

145
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:12,760
Speaker 1: So if she's going in with a bit of an

146
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,640
Speaker 1: injury then yeah, so she's.

147
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,400
Speaker 2: Just taking a bit of time. So does she have

148
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,880
Speaker 2: to fight you? Yes?

149
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, she can't avoid me because she holds the title

150
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,840
Speaker 1: and then you have to defend your title. Yes, you can't,

151
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,000
Speaker 1: just because you know, I could get a title and

152
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,640
Speaker 1: then just sit there for the next fifty years and

153
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:29,440
Speaker 1: just go on it's mine.

154
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,360
Speaker 2: No, But I've been made mandatory, so I've worked hard

155
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,600
Speaker 2: to get to her. Yeah, I've worked my way up

156
00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,640
Speaker 2: the ladder and I've done everything properly, and so she can't.

157
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,440
Speaker 2: She can't turn me away or anything because I'm I'm

158
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:46,120
Speaker 2: actually ranked higher than her now because I fought and

159
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,720
Speaker 2: I moved up with the rankings, so I'm ranked higher

160
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,120
Speaker 2: than her. But I made mandatory and she has to

161
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,080
Speaker 2: fight me. Where's she from She's from England. Yeah, And

162
00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 2: so what does this fight mean to you? Oh? This

163
00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,680
Speaker 2: fight means everything. You know. It's not just for me,

164
00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:03,000
Speaker 2: it is for us here, for our next generation, our kids,

165
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,920
Speaker 2: and for our people here in New Zealand to showcase

166
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:09,240
Speaker 2: that we have greatness here and that if we set

167
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,120
Speaker 2: our mind to it, we can actually do it. So

168
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,920
Speaker 2: I want to prove to our kids, just in a

169
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,000
Speaker 2: small little country of New Zealand and we don't have

170
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,720
Speaker 2: all the facilities like they do overseas, that we can

171
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:22,840
Speaker 2: do it in our own backyard and we produce champions.

172
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:23,880
Speaker 2: You're a legend.

173
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:28,320
Speaker 1: You're absolutely amazing, and it just absolutely stunds. We said,

174
00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:29,560
Speaker 1: what do you do in the meantime? Do you take

175
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,080
Speaker 1: other fights? How do you keep your how do you

176
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:33,920
Speaker 1: keep your grit? How do you keep the fierceness? How

177
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,000
Speaker 1: do you keep the fitness up?

178
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,560
Speaker 2: So I'm still training, still keeping active and still working

179
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,000
Speaker 2: hard on the gym, not as hard as what I'm

180
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,199
Speaker 2: normally doing because us just tape it down a little

181
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,080
Speaker 2: bit just to also make sure I'm looking after myself

182
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,640
Speaker 2: and I don't burn myself out, and just wait for

183
00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,520
Speaker 2: her to call the date. We're waiting for them to

184
00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:53,200
Speaker 2: call the date. Once she calls a date, then we'll

185
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:57,160
Speaker 2: lock in our training camp and we'll start hard training again.

186
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,480
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Okay, So how on earth. Do you juggle training,

187
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:03,079
Speaker 1: life and everything else?

188
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,440
Speaker 2: In five kids? So we're aged from what three or four?

189
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,680
Speaker 2: Four years old? Four? That's to seventeen years my oldest.

190
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,400
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, Wow, that's a lot, is it? How are

191
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,760
Speaker 1: you just going to have to be organized?

192
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,280
Speaker 2: Don't you? I have to make myself organized sometimes it's challenging,

193
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,520
Speaker 2: but I'm lucky. I've got lots of support. So I

194
00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:25,080
Speaker 2: have lots of family support and also my gym supports me.

195
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,719
Speaker 2: So if if it comes to a hard time where

196
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,079
Speaker 2: I can't, I've got no other support for my kids.

197
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,080
Speaker 2: I bring them to training. They come along with me.

198
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,640
Speaker 2: Oh do they? Yes? Yeah?

199
00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,600
Speaker 1: And older ones? Can you see that fighting in them?

200
00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,720
Speaker 1: Can you do you think they might? No?

201
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:45,600
Speaker 2: No, there's no fighting. Definitely. My oldest boy, he's a

202
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,240
Speaker 2: professional long bowler, so he's got no passion for boxing.

203
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,840
Speaker 2: He's only got passion for balls. I love that.

204
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,480
Speaker 1: I don't really well, I do care what you're into,

205
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:55,760
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. If you've got a

206
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,360
Speaker 1: passion for something, ah, and it turns the light on

207
00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:01,520
Speaker 1: in your eyes, then just people that then dedicate themselves

208
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,400
Speaker 1: to it and go for it.

209
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,520
Speaker 2: So where will he end up? What would he do

210
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,400
Speaker 2: with it. So he wants to be a professional bowler,

211
00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:10,160
Speaker 2: and he's already made them his yelling team and he's

212
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,240
Speaker 2: heading off to Melbourne and next month. Wow. Yeah, so

213
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,199
Speaker 2: he's doing really well. I just think that's outstanding.

214
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,559
Speaker 1: So here you are a woman who's won a tied

215
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,200
Speaker 1: with a broken rib, who's fought with a dislocated shoulder, who,

216
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,400
Speaker 1: as you know, potentially one of the toughest women. You

217
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:29,280
Speaker 1: know that I'm sitting opposite, and yet Celebrity Treasure Island

218
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:29,840
Speaker 1: took you out.

219
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:35,600
Speaker 2: Oh that's exactly what my daughter said to me. Yes,

220
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:40,920
Speaker 2: so she's like, oh wow, She's like, oh, Celebrity Treasure

221
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,000
Speaker 2: Island took you up, but boxing couldn't. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,

222
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,440
Speaker 2: it was my house. I was not really sick. I

223
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,360
Speaker 2: don't do too well with the cold, and especially because

224
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:53,600
Speaker 2: I doesn't have my medicine and my medication, I deteriorated.

225
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:58,520
Speaker 2: And because I had pneumonia at the same time. Oh no,

226
00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:01,480
Speaker 2: why didn't you have your medicine and meat dcations Because

227
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,760
Speaker 2: I didn't. Because they check us, you know, they check

228
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,440
Speaker 2: our bags. You're not how to take it. I thought

229
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,360
Speaker 2: we went allowed our and our medication, and I thought

230
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,800
Speaker 2: they like I gave them the list of what I have,

231
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,440
Speaker 2: and I thought that they would bring it because I

232
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,240
Speaker 2: thought I was sticking to the rules, you know. Yeah,

233
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,920
Speaker 2: you were all like, if you give me the rules,

234
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,360
Speaker 2: I'll stick to the rules. And I don't like breaking

235
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:22,120
Speaker 2: any roles. So I stuck to the protocol. They searched

236
00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,120
Speaker 2: my bags and everything, and so I was thinking, Okay,

237
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:29,480
Speaker 2: the medics will know my history and everything, and thinking

238
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,120
Speaker 2: that they would have all the medicine. But no, they didn't, and.

239
00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,000
Speaker 1: They stood of sitting on the programming because you don't

240
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,040
Speaker 1: hear body fat, right, because you're just so extremely fat

241
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,120
Speaker 1: that unlike someone like me, who could you know, live

242
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,080
Speaker 1: in the cold for a long time with my extra layers,

243
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:46,720
Speaker 1: you would feel it more. So you had pneumonia, you

244
00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:50,000
Speaker 1: were unwell, you didn't have your medications, and then you

245
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,080
Speaker 1: would have been driving yourself hard. I imagined through that,

246
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,359
Speaker 1: and yeah, it just got Yeah, it hurt me really.

247
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,600
Speaker 2: Quick, but it took a couple of days because I

248
00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,720
Speaker 2: was sick five days ago and I told them and

249
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,880
Speaker 2: they were soap, but also being like poor diet. Yeah,

250
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,560
Speaker 2: so that was even hard. And because I eat a

251
00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:11,560
Speaker 2: lot of fruit and vegetables, so to not have any

252
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:16,000
Speaker 2: fruit or anything. It was completely different. And also getting

253
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,160
Speaker 2: our own water and all that was a challenge. So

254
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,560
Speaker 2: I drink a lot of water and my body wasn't

255
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,440
Speaker 2: getting that. And then but what shut me down was

256
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,480
Speaker 2: that I hit We stood in the cold for about

257
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,760
Speaker 2: two to three hours and it was pouring with rain

258
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,360
Speaker 2: and we were saturated wet, and because they have to

259
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,920
Speaker 2: transport us to our cabins, so they had to go,

260
00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:41,360
Speaker 2: they transported the first team and then we were last.

261
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,680
Speaker 1: So I was still you were extra time in the

262
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,400
Speaker 1: freezing cold. So we were extra time in the cold.

263
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,600
Speaker 2: It's probably not good for someone who's got pneumonia, yes, fear,

264
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,400
Speaker 2: And like I was like, I didn't realize what happened

265
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,120
Speaker 2: because I was like, AHM fine, And I didn't realize

266
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,400
Speaker 2: they were taking me out because I was like, nah,

267
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,319
Speaker 2: don't take me, I'm fine, and they're like, no, we

268
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,360
Speaker 2: got to get we got to warm you up, and

269
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,960
Speaker 2: they didn't have any place to keep me warm, so

270
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 2: they had to take me off the island just to

271
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,959
Speaker 2: look after me. Did you enjoy it? Would you do it?

272
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:11,760
Speaker 1: Because you weren't that king to start with that, and

273
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,600
Speaker 1: it was your coaching that wind step outside your comfort zone.

274
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:18,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't keen to do it because I was fighting. Yeah,

275
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:21,600
Speaker 2: and so what how what what also didn't work out

276
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,520
Speaker 2: is because I was training at four thirty in the

277
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,400
Speaker 2: morning and the freezing cold beer feet, which I shouldn't

278
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,200
Speaker 2: have done. And I was doing it every morning and

279
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:32,199
Speaker 2: every night. So that's why I wasn't getting better either.

280
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,880
Speaker 2: But one hundred percent I'll do it again, and next

281
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,240
Speaker 2: time I won't do it with a fight. And did

282
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,320
Speaker 2: your kids think you should do it? Were they? Did

283
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,640
Speaker 2: they think yes? Or they didn't even know? No, you

284
00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,719
Speaker 2: were you see you're a rule follower. Yeah, yeah, I

285
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,960
Speaker 2: didn't know. It wasn't until I got back and they

286
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,680
Speaker 2: were like, why is mom in the hospital?

287
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,959
Speaker 1: But you wouldn't mind a bit of the hardship the way.

288
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,520
Speaker 1: But see, I just don't get it, says you say

289
00:13:55,559 --> 00:13:57,720
Speaker 1: you can't. You're not even giving you water. You're gonna

290
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,040
Speaker 1: go and get that. You don't get your fruit and

291
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,199
Speaker 1: v GE's you don't get it comfortable bed. No, you

292
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,960
Speaker 1: know it's cold, but you would why because of the challenge.

293
00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,040
Speaker 2: Oh, I love the challenge and I love taking myself

294
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:10,160
Speaker 2: to a whole nother uncomfortable zone. And I know, see,

295
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,720
Speaker 2: like I've never been through that situation, and I learned

296
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,160
Speaker 2: something out of that. And so the good thing is

297
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,080
Speaker 2: I learned like, don't have a fight going into those

298
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,680
Speaker 2: type of things. Yeah, and look after your health a

299
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 2: bit better. Yeah.

300
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna come back really soon and we're going

301
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,440
Speaker 1: to talk more about you personally and your journey to

302
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,840
Speaker 1: get to where you are. And it's certainly a history

303
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 1: of a domestic violence in there and everything else.

304
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,080
Speaker 2: And I think it's just so important.

305
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,160
Speaker 1: For people to hear that because we all know someone yes,

306
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 1: and so we've got to keep learning those lessons. So Locke,

307
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,360
Speaker 1: let's take that break now and we'll be back really shortly.

308
00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,280
Speaker 1: Welcome back, everybody. I am joined by Mia Motu, also

309
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,240
Speaker 1: known as Night Mea, and she is a professional boxer

310
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,720
Speaker 1: and our IBO World super bantamweight Champion. I actually feel

311
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,120
Speaker 1: like I could have been one of those people that

312
00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 1: what the broadcasters what are they?

313
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 3: And mea mold professional boxer other presenters Yah, yeah, quite

314
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:18,800
Speaker 3: like that.

315
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:22,320
Speaker 1: Your path to the top hasn't been plain sailing, right, Like,

316
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,520
Speaker 1: I mean, man, you what you got? You know, you

317
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,200
Speaker 1: moved to Auckland from Northland. Yes, Northland's in your heart?

318
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 2: Am I right? Yes, yes, my home. It is amazing

319
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,280
Speaker 2: the way it is beautiful.

320
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 1: My grandmother rest in pace is used to say your

321
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,400
Speaker 1: soul gets renewed when you get past funa day.

322
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,920
Speaker 2: Yes, it does. That's so true.

323
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:49,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's well I think it's absolutely true as well.

324
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 1: There's just something that kind of yeah, it's a it's

325
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,560
Speaker 1: a breath a you.

326
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,440
Speaker 2: Know, everything goes away. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

327
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,960
Speaker 1: But when you were relative, how old were you when

328
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,240
Speaker 1: you moved to Aalkland and about twelve years old.

329
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a tricky time as well, isn't it. Yes,

330
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 2: you're into your teenage. You just transform into your teenage

331
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:08,880
Speaker 2: and you're.

332
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:11,960
Speaker 1: A baby, and yet you think you're older and you're

333
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 1: confused and friends me and everything, and you're taken out

334
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,440
Speaker 1: of that place in your soul and moved to stinky Auckland.

335
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, and everything's so big and flash Yeah, out of

336
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 2: my comfort zone and scary.

337
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,920
Speaker 1: And I mean because there's kids up in Northland that

338
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 1: haven't even been defunk at a No.

339
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:30,720
Speaker 2: Yeah that's true.

340
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't know there like we all think that

341
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,720
Speaker 1: everyone's done everything. No, but the reality is it can

342
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,280
Speaker 1: be beautifully isolating. I want to say, you know, that's

343
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,080
Speaker 1: how I felt. Yeah, before I left home, like I

344
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 1: felt like I had seen the world. Yeah, like home

345
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,240
Speaker 1: is so like it seemed so big. So you were

346
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 1: quite a green naive moving to the big smoke. Yeah, struying,

347
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,360
Speaker 1: trying to find your grove and everything else. And I

348
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,360
Speaker 1: presume that with your troubles at home, you know, that

349
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,360
Speaker 1: was that kind of testing for you. I didn't really

350
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,200
Speaker 1: have trouble at home.

351
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:08,960
Speaker 2: Like I was brought up, was really great parents and

352
00:17:09,080 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 2: aunties and uncles, you know, and great cousins. Wasn't until

353
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:16,320
Speaker 2: I hit my teenagers. Then that's when like my dad

354
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,119
Speaker 2: drifted away and everything started to fall apart.

355
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you got all challenging. You got married

356
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,840
Speaker 1: really young. Did you marry your first boyfriend?

357
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 2: Yes? Yeah, Because I was brought up in a faith background, yeap.

358
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 2: And I'm very strong in faith, and so I always

359
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,840
Speaker 2: stuck to that principle. And I always respected and honored

360
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 2: my mum's principles of that and her faith because you know,

361
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:42,640
Speaker 2: she's the mother and sick to the rules. So that's

362
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 2: how I saw it, and that's all I knew really.

363
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,359
Speaker 2: So you met him thought you were in love. I

364
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,160
Speaker 2: thought I was love and I just wanted to grow

365
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,679
Speaker 2: up real fast. I was looking for that male attention

366
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:56,800
Speaker 2: because my dad had walked out and so and also

367
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,639
Speaker 2: I lost my poppa, and so that was hard. So

368
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,959
Speaker 2: I felt like all the males in my life had

369
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 2: walked out, and the ones that I loved dearly. My

370
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:07,680
Speaker 2: dad was like my best friend, and so for him

371
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,520
Speaker 2: to go and be taken away by another woman, it

372
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,919
Speaker 2: was just really hard. And I wanted attention, but I

373
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,439
Speaker 2: was seeking for that male attention. Yeah, And so I

374
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,040
Speaker 2: just found it in my boyfriend. He was the next thing. Yeah.

375
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,639
Speaker 2: And I was desperate for a male and he was

376
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Speaker 2: the male that I relied on and depend on. And

377
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,159
Speaker 2: you got married. You got married, right. I got married.

378
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 2: I respected what my mom said, didn't want to get married.

379
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:34,360
Speaker 2: I hated it. Yes, I hated that decision. I fought it.

380
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:38,440
Speaker 2: But wow, I had How quickly did you have children

381
00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,160
Speaker 2: a year late? Oh?

382
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 1: No?

383
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 2: When I got married, I had my son already.

384
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:46,160
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So for me, it was singing, you would

385
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,920
Speaker 1: have had you a baby at sixteen seventeen?

386
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 2: Then seventeen seven? Had my son? Yeah, I was seventeen

387
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,320
Speaker 2: when I hit my daughter and then straight away to

388
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 2: get married within like a couple of weeks because it

389
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,919
Speaker 2: was a sin in my mom's eyes.

390
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:01,120
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're married. You were thinking, well, at least

391
00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,919
Speaker 1: i've got a you know, a male that loves me.

392
00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:06,520
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm a I'm in a loving relationship.

393
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,320
Speaker 1: And then it didn't go that way.

394
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 2: They did it? No, So what happened? I mean was it?

395
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:11,560
Speaker 2: Did it?

396
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it was gradual or because we're

397
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 1: because he got quite violent?

398
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:18,840
Speaker 2: Yes? Yeah, so was it gradual? Could you see it happening?

399
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 2: It was? He slowly broke me down mentally first, so

400
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:27,600
Speaker 2: he started controlling me first, and I didn't take any notice.

401
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 2: I was just like okay, and I started listening and obeying,

402
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,320
Speaker 2: and just because every time I'd snap back and then

403
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 2: he'll retaliate, yelling at me. And I couldn't understand because

404
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,120
Speaker 2: I was never raised there, so I was like, WHOA,

405
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,520
Speaker 2: what's this? And it was very confusing. So he pulled

406
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,919
Speaker 2: me away from my family and I started living with

407
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 2: his family. It was normalized to them. Yeah, And so

408
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,920
Speaker 2: his dad would abuse his siblings and abuse the mother

409
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 2: and all that, and the aunties and every everyone around us,

410
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 2: and so he started following. And then because his dad

411
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,400
Speaker 2: would be like, don't let her answer you back, show

412
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 2: her what you're made of, and so he would retaliate

413
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 2: with violence, and I was like, well the here cappin.

414
00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,360
Speaker 2: I was so confused. I was so lost because I've

415
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 2: never been hit in my life. I've only had a

416
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,400
Speaker 2: smack on the hand by my parents, but I've never

417
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 2: been hit to the face, only in boxing. But it

418
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,639
Speaker 2: was like actual first, and so I was stunned. I

419
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,680
Speaker 2: didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I

420
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,399
Speaker 2: should cry or show emotion. And I kind of was

421
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,719
Speaker 2: like what was that for? And it was like you

422
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 2: need it, you deserve it. I shouldn't answer back, I

423
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,600
Speaker 2: should respect to him, and I was like okay. So

424
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 2: I went to go run away and like head in

425
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 2: my own little corner. And then I went to go

426
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 2: reach out to a friend and she just called me

427
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,160
Speaker 2: an idiot. So as soon as I heard those words,

428
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 2: I was you just shut down. I head. We're going

429
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 2: to keep talking about this journey.

430
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: But I think because you know this is an advice segment,

431
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 1: I think this is one that's really important because we

432
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 1: do all know someone yes, you know, we might pretend

433
00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 1: we don't. Yeah, well we might choose to, but we

434
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: actually do. So what could have a friend or a

435
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: relation of done at that point for you differently?

436
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: That might have given you different choices. I just wanted

437
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 2: her to say, are you okay? I'm here for you.

438
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,640
Speaker 2: That's all I wanted. I was desperate for that, because,

439
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 2: you know, having your dad walk out and stuff, you're

440
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,200
Speaker 2: desperate for someone just to say you're okay, I've got you. Yeah,

441
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 2: you just want someone to hold you. Yeah, and for

442
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 2: her to call you an idiot, You've you feel so ashamed. Well,

443
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 2: you've just been victimized again. Yeah.

444
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 1: Right, so you're being victimized. You started believing you are

445
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 1: an idiot. Yes, he's been telling you and physically hurting

446
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: you enough that you start believing it. And then the

447
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,199
Speaker 1: people that you're that you reach out to does the

448
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 1: same thing.

449
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so it's not they're not they're not actually

450
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 2: abusing me physically, but they're abusing me emotionally.

451
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so that was that was more hurtful too. Yeah,

452
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 1: so I'll shut down both ways. So because it's if

453
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,400
Speaker 1: for you to have reached out was incredibly brave. Yes,

454
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 1: so if you are, oh, I always call it someone someone.

455
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 2: You know, we've all got to be someone someone. It's yes,

456
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:18,720
Speaker 2: different points, right.

457
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 1: So if you're the chosen someone, then we need to

458
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 1: take a breath, We need to listen, We need to

459
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:28,639
Speaker 1: reach out with love and adaha. Yes, don't don't what

460
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 1: about fixing the problem, because sometimes you can't. I don't

461
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 1: mean that really, but you know what I mean. Sometimes

462
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 1: you just got to listen, do you.

463
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,440
Speaker 2: All we want is just when I was in that

464
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,720
Speaker 2: stuck in that I just wanted someone to listen to

465
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 2: me and hold me and give me the courage, Give

466
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 2: me courage. Just give me courage so I can build

467
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 2: confidence to speak because when you're stuck in there, all

468
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 2: you can see is just the hurt and pain, and

469
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 2: you just need someone to relieve that hurt and pain.

470
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 2: And once that hurt and pain is relieved, then you're

471
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 2: you're building the confidence is to speak up. But if

472
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 2: you've got to keep shutting down, you're silencing me more. Yeah,

473
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 2: and I'm living in that fair and shame. Yeah.

474
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: So and then so I keept kind of escalating and

475
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 1: you're having babies, yes, right, And I mean what and

476
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 1: you've have you have you tried to talk to family

477
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 1: and police and you know, like or is he just

478
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: so mentally shut you down that you're you feel like

479
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 1: you don't can't see a way out.

480
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 2: So I did speak to family, and I did like

481
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,919
Speaker 2: my uncles and stuff and like just distance family, and

482
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 2: I did speak to police and stuff, and I reached

483
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 2: out try to get him rested and stuff. But I

484
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 2: never won that. So, like my family would get hurt

485
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 2: by the gang because he comes from my gang family,

486
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,320
Speaker 2: like my uncle try to help me. So many times

487
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 2: he got beaten up and then he got put on

488
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 2: the cells. Like he was so confused because he was

489
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 2: reaching out to the police's help, but they knew they

490
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 2: know the system. Yeah, the gangs know the system, and

491
00:23:56,320 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 2: he knew the system. And so when I did order

492
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,159
Speaker 2: to the police, he'd be like, Okay, i'll see you

493
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,440
Speaker 2: out in another twenty and twenty four hours. Don't worry,

494
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,320
Speaker 2: I'm coming for you. And I'd be like, what, no,

495
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 2: you're getting locked up. Yeah, once I got Once it

496
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,239
Speaker 2: went to court, he was innocent because his was like

497
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 2: his words were, oh, no, how do you know it

498
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 2: was me? There's no proof that it was me? Wow? Yeah,

499
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 2: And then he'd say, oh, that's from boxing. She does

500
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 2: she trains boxing. How do you know that was me? Yeah, yeah,

501
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 2: she's a liar. Yeah. So I was always made out

502
00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 2: like I was a liar and making false accusations against him.

503
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 2: So I would always lose when I went to court.

504
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: But men, you were brave to do that, Yeah, like

505
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 2: really brave. Like one young woman that I worked with

506
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,920
Speaker 2: and helped, and you know, he did get locked up

507
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 2: and he would literally she would wake up and again

508
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: member would be standing at the end of her beard

509
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 2: till in the morning, just saying me watching you, you know,

510
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,359
Speaker 2: And it was just intimidation to let her know that,

511
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 2: you know. And then at one stage and they beat

512
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,520
Speaker 2: up the petrol attendant, yes, because they were watching her

513
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 2: all the time and she was too fluty with him.

514
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,639
Speaker 2: And that's why I was so scared to tell my

515
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 2: family because I didn't want my family getting hurt because

516
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,880
Speaker 2: he would make threats like that. And it's the same

517
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 2: like I would wake up in the morning, was like

518
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 2: a crowbar coming to my body and I'll be half asleep. Yeah,

519
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 2: because he would always find a way out because once

520
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 2: a week to court, he was like, you can take

521
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 2: it to the police, but he was like, good luck,

522
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,159
Speaker 2: see you and cook I would always get out and

523
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 2: he always got out because he was always he was

524
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 2: never guilty. Wow, So it was hard. You say that

525
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 2: your kids saved you?

526
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, yeah, And was that because you had no

527
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 1: you know, so you had a reason to get out

528
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: because they do give you an amazing strength.

529
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, those kids. And like I was lucky that

530
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,679
Speaker 2: my oldest son didn't really witness much because I quickly

531
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 2: gave him to my aunties and I just told them, like,

532
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 2: please just look after him. He saw me get hit

533
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 2: by a car and run over, and so that was traumatizing.

534
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 2: But my daughter was my saving grace and my second child.

535
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 2: She's witnessed so much. She saved me so many times.

536
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 2: I've been drowned, I've been had my head to the

537
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 2: toilet everything. She's watched me be stabbed, and she saved

538
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 2: me so many times, and it was her. The last

539
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 2: one was when she wanted to risk her life to

540
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 2: save me, and that was the turning point for me.

541
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 2: And how did she do that. She jumped in front

542
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,880
Speaker 2: of it. She jumped in front of the knife. She

543
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 2: she grabbed his hand and the knife just missed me.

544
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 2: It hit me, but like it missed my chest and stuff.

545
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: She was young, she was about seven eight, she was

546
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 2: only young. I'll never forget the day it was white

547
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 2: tonguey and it was her. They saved my life. But

548
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 2: the strength and courage and that fairness that my daughter carried,

549
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 2: I thought, why can't I care that? And that was

550
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 2: the day that I built the courage and strength was

551
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 2: when I saw her trying to save me because she

552
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 2: wanted to keep me alive, because she wanted me to

553
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 2: be there for her siblings. Yeah, for her two brothers. Yeah.

554
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,159
Speaker 2: And I was like, no way, I'm not doing this

555
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,199
Speaker 2: to my daughter. She don't deserve this. And so I

556
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,720
Speaker 2: built the courage and stood up to them, and I

557
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,760
Speaker 2: stopped living in fear. I still was scared of her,

558
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 2: still scared of her, but of course I built the

559
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 2: guts to be like, nope, let's go. I'll take you

560
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: to court and I don't care how long it's going

561
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 2: to keep. And where did you go? I went to

562
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 2: my family, Yeah, okay, and I slowly started breaking down

563
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 2: and telling them little things, but I didn't tell them

564
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 2: the full depth. I only told them a little bit,

565
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 2: and they kind of knew and so they were like

566
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 2: they helped me, support me and sheltered me, but at

567
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 2: the same time he was still coming. He got arrested,

568
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 2: went to prison, but still tore meed me even in prison. Yeah,

569
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,800
Speaker 2: I had his friends and all that come to my

570
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 2: house threat to me. I will be walking on the

571
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,199
Speaker 2: street with my kids and they're threatened me because they

572
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,440
Speaker 2: just didn't want me to n arc or snitch is

573
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 2: what they call it. Yeah, but I refused. I was like, no,

574
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 2: I'm fighting use Yeah, and you know, they kept trying

575
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 2: to challenge me. It took me years to keep fighting

576
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 2: against them. And it wasn't until I found boxing. Wow,

577
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: walked into my coach's gym, Peach Boxing. Yeah, it changed

578
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 2: that day.

579
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 1: So how long ago did you did you would you

580
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 1: say that you got out of that relationship if you like?

581
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 2: So I got out of the relationship. He had been

582
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 2: tormenting me for a good like four five years tor

583
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 2: meeting me, and I had got out of it ages ago,

584
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 2: but he still keep torturing me and traumatizing me and

585
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 2: still like even to this day, Like just at the

586
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 2: beginning there when he got released, because he thought we

587
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 2: were still together, he followed me and stalked me. God,

588
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 2: it's just so never just hard.

589
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just hard to comprehend, and it's relentless for you.

590
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 2: They're really Yeah, like I thought it was over after

591
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 2: so many years, but just at the beginning of there

592
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 2: he stalked me, followed me and knew my whole routine. Yeah,

593
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 2: And I was like wow, because I was I stopped

594
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: looking over my shoulder and I was like, wow, he's

595
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 2: still stalking me, and he still believes we're still together.

596
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 1: So it is incredible that you're speaking out, you know,

597
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: in the context of the act. Yeah, you know, you

598
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 1: sort of talk about courage and strength. I'd argue you

599
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: had it, You've had it your whole life. But it

600
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: is particularly courageous that you're speaking out when you've had

601
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 1: an incident with him as recently as this year.

602
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, So why are you speaking out? Because I'm sick

603
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 2: of I was sick of seeing our people suffer, you know,

604
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 2: And I've seen so many women and males commit suicide

605
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 2: or just give up, and they've got children and they

606
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 2: leave them behind, and the cycle follows and it carries on,

607
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 2: and it gets passed on because it becomes a normalized behavior.

608
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 2: And I'm tired of it, and I don't want that

609
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,560
Speaker 2: for my kids. I don't want my daughter or my

610
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 2: son following what I went through. And so if I

611
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,479
Speaker 2: want to change the generation, I need to speak up

612
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 2: and I need to change that cycle and making a

613
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 2: different I want to support our kids because our kids

614
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,719
Speaker 2: are seeing this. What hurts me the most is that

615
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 2: my kids had to witness what I went through and

616
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 2: the pain that they had to carry. Watching their mother

617
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 2: get hurt is quite traumatizing. And I'm lucky that I'm

618
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 2: in the stable position to support them and guide them

619
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 2: and give them enough love and support to change the

620
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 2: narrative for them. But for the kids that are actually

621
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,040
Speaker 2: going through and witnessing their mother or their father getting

622
00:30:55,080 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 2: abused is traumatizing and that marks them for life.

623
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:01,800
Speaker 1: And we have to change a cycle, right, And I

624
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: know that change that's a horror, you know, like cliche ish,

625
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: But you know you were saying about his family and

626
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,479
Speaker 1: his fan and that's what he's grown up with, and

627
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 1: it's what he's saying.

628
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's yeah, and that's all he's known. It's a

629
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 2: normalized behavior and that's why it's coming. It's like I've

630
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 2: seen so many kids. Just even now, our kids are

631
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: out there already abusing each other, and they're abusing their

632
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 2: parents as well, because it's a normalized behavior. And I'm

633
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 2: just tired of it. And I'll say, like, our poor

634
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 2: kids shouldn't be going through this, But it's because what

635
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 2: they're seeing and witnessing. It's not their fault. It's the

636
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 2: environment therein and because us women or males don't have

637
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 2: the courage, because we're ashamed of what society, how society

638
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 2: is going to view us, and how people and the

639
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 2: family are going to look at us. The biggest thing

640
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 2: is what I've learned is that we're too scared to

641
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 2: tell our family because we don't want the bigger, the

642
00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 2: outer side of the family to look upon us and

643
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 2: look down on us and look at us at a

644
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 2: negative light, like, oh, that family's you know, they get

645
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 2: abused and stuff. And that's why we keep it silent. Yeah,

646
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 2: it's how they silence you with shame, with shame. Yeah.

647
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 2: And because we're so ashamed, we're too scared, like, oh no,

648
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 2: but that's that's uncle. We don't want to tell uncle's

649
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 2: abusing aunty, so we'd better stay quiet. Yeah, And that's

650
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 2: why our kids are saying quiet and they shouldn't have

651
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: to carry that. No, they shouldn't. And so that's why

652
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, even if it's happening, because it is,

653
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 2: it's happening in families. Families need to speak up. Yeah,

654
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 2: stop living in that shame as you're a coward if

655
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 2: you're gonna sit down and watch it, even if it's

656
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 2: your own I.

657
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: Think as well, me or what you are is a

658
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 1: really important you know, you all, hey, you're a world champion, right,

659
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 1: but then so you know, there's no way that for

660
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,160
Speaker 1: all that's happened to you, that it's left you a

661
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: victim for the rest of your life. Oh no, for

662
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: those women out there at the moment that are trying

663
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: to think about how they're going to save their babies

664
00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: and themselves, you know, it can feel like you're going

665
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 1: to be victim forever.

666
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 2: And you know, you've got a story.

667
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: To tell that says that there actually is a pathway

668
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,960
Speaker 1: out and the relationship that you've got with your own baby, saying,

669
00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 1: with your own children, and you can make a change. Yeah,

670
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 1: And the fact that you know you're so incredibly you know,

671
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 1: incredible at what you do. In fact, you know we'll best.

672
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: But you know, in that context, I think there's a

673
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: really strong message out there for you know, the mums

674
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: and some dads as well, that you know, there is

675
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 1: something and there is a path you know, to finding

676
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:31,720
Speaker 1: your own level of fulfillment.

677
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 2: And yeah, because it's scary. Yeah, and like there's no

678
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 2: shame of going through struggle either because like a lot

679
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 2: of it can be you don't want to speak about

680
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 2: the reason why we get so violent as well is

681
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 2: because we're depressed because we can't put food on the

682
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 2: table or we can't even get it. We don't feel

683
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 2: successful because we don't have a job, you know. So

684
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 2: I weigh all that stuff up as well. And a

685
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 2: lot of that why our men or women are so

686
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 2: violent is because there's not just because of what the

687
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 2: you know, their home but and what they've witnessed, but

688
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 2: it also it happens when they're failing and they feel

689
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 2: like they're not good enough and they're hopeless, so they

690
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 2: stress it out and take it out on the people

691
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,840
Speaker 2: they love. Yeah, yeah, they do.

692
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: I do want to touch on again just that kind

693
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 1: of how we can help, you know, certainly from my perspective,

694
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: I had a friend I suspected something. I just kept listening,

695
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 1: I kept asking, and it finally, you know, got to

696
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 1: the point where she said, yeah, I am being physically

697
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 1: hurt and I want to leave.

698
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 2: So she came and stayed.

699
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:37,920
Speaker 1: Two days later she went back, you know, and I

700
00:34:38,000 --> 00:34:39,840
Speaker 1: let it go with love, do you know what I mean, Like,

701
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 1: no judgment. I'm here again, you know, like, let's have

702
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 1: coffee tomorrow. It's your choice.

703
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 2: They sort of say.

704
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,880
Speaker 1: Sometimes it can take seven times to leave. Yeah, it

705
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:53,720
Speaker 1: took her five, you know, And I just I share

706
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:56,919
Speaker 1: that with people because we can be so quick to judge. Yeap,

707
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,200
Speaker 1: you know, and why didn't you leave? And why can't you?

708
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: And it's your you know, like if you're willing to

709
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: put up with it, well that sounds like more your problem.

710
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: But it's just the psychological damage, yeah, going, it's just insane,

711
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: that lack of self esteem.

712
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 2: Yes, it's the trauma. Yeah, it's the trauma. And so

713
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 2: they've held that and it's captivated and it's it's built

714
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,359
Speaker 2: in you, and you're so scared. So when you do leave,

715
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 2: as soon as you hear their voice, you're scared and

716
00:35:23,800 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 2: you run back. Yeah, because you think that's the only

717
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 2: way you stay safe because if you keep running, you're

718
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 2: only going to get beaten up even more, or they're

719
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 2: going to find someone else to hurt. So it's that

720
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 2: fear of It's the fear of why they keep going back,

721
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:42,040
Speaker 2: and it's all they know because when you're being stuck

722
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:43,960
Speaker 2: in it for like eight years, five years, that's all

723
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 2: you know, and so it becomes your new normal. Yeah,

724
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 2: and so it's really hard to get out of it. Yeah,

725
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 2: and when you try it out of it sour soy

726
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 2: and interrupt you.

727
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: It is so when you're in you're in fight mode,

728
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,839
Speaker 1: which is quite different than the fight mode you're in now.

729
00:35:58,960 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, But when you're in.

730
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 1: Fight for your own daily survival mode, it must be

731
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: exhausting looking.

732
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 2: At signs, waiting knowing what.

733
00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:11,320
Speaker 1: Could happen to you that you're gonna be half asleep

734
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 1: and a crowbar bloody wet across you. I mean that

735
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:17,879
Speaker 1: is mentally as well as obviously just exhausting.

736
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 2: It is because you're constantly even like I was too

737
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 2: scared to go to the shops and stuff because I

738
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 2: would be scared, like where's he gonna pop out? Yeah?

739
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 2: And I would even check my like my car, like

740
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,320
Speaker 2: my tires because if it's been marked, I know, okay,

741
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 2: he's there, found my car. Simple things like that, or

742
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 2: mark my letter box. They know where I live now. Yeah,

743
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 2: it's like simple little things. And I'm constantly living in

744
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 2: a shadow, like looking over my head and like being like,

745
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,880
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, where are they. He's here, he's coming.

746
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: So you just feel safer when you're with them because

747
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 2: you're just like, you're not getting tormented. It'll traumatize when

748
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 2: you're away from it. Yeah, when you're trying to escape

749
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,839
Speaker 2: your your there's so much demons going in your head.

750
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 1: So you've said that you've forgiven your ex husband, Yes,

751
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: and I find see you're just an enigma to me.

752
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 3: You're fascinating. So how did you find that forgiveness? It

753
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,799
Speaker 3: all started with my son, my metal child. As you know,

754
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 3: he's the youngest out of the three to my ex.

755
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:24,439
Speaker 3: You know, he was in a very bad state. He's

756
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 3: eleven now, but nine years old. He wanted to commit

757
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 3: suicide and he was in a very dark place. He

758
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,359
Speaker 3: didn't want to be alive because he blamed himself for

759
00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 3: what I had been through. But also he wanted to

760
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 3: speak to his father and he didn't know how to

761
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 3: speak to him, because if he spoke to him, he

762
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,280
Speaker 3: felt like he was letting me down, Yeah, betraying you,

763
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 3: and so he didn't know what side to take, but

764
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 3: he was desperate for a dad.

765
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,120
Speaker 2: And so when I heard dad, it broke my heart.

766
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 2: And I didn't want to bury my baby. That's one thing,

767
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 2: and his mental health was the most important thing to me.

768
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,160
Speaker 2: I don't know want my son feeling what I went through,

769
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 2: So I knew I had to change. I had so

770
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 2: much hate and guilt, like, so much hate and resentment

771
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 2: to him that I had to change. And look at him,

772
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,120
Speaker 2: he staw the father, he saw the father. He gave

773
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:20,960
Speaker 2: me this beautiful boy. He's my blessing. So I have

774
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,879
Speaker 2: to separate that pain between me and him, as only

775
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 2: stays between me and him, not my kids. And don't

776
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 2: don't stop my children from speaking to their father. Allow

777
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 2: them to make their decisions. Because I didn't realize I

778
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 2: was causing more pain. And then I found out my

779
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 2: other two were suffering too because they were hurt. But

780
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 2: they were always going to choose mom because they wanted

781
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 2: to protect me. But they were hurting and suffering too

782
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 2: because they want to know their dad, and because I

783
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 2: made the decision because it was what I wanted for

784
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,560
Speaker 2: them and not what they wanted. And so I changed that.

785
00:38:55,719 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 2: And when I saw what they wanted, it was actually good.

786
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 2: I started realizing that I'm controlling them and at the

787
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 2: same time I'm being him, and so I was like, wow,

788
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 2: I can't do that till my children. I've got to

789
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,839
Speaker 2: make allow them to make their decision. And I didn't

790
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:19,879
Speaker 2: realize I was already starting teaching them controlling and how

791
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 2: to be narcissistic, and I didn't want them to be

792
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 2: like him, and so I changed it and slowly, I man,

793
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,120
Speaker 2: it was the hardest thing I ever done, was talk

794
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 2: to them and be like, you need to have a

795
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 2: relationship with your kids. And I said, all I want

796
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 2: is apology. I want apology for all you've done. That's

797
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,520
Speaker 2: all I want, and let's get on and let's have

798
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 2: let's make a relationship for your children. And so he

799
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,320
Speaker 2: gave me an apology and that's all I wanted to

800
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,720
Speaker 2: and I said, I don't want to be hurt anymore,

801
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 2: and you're not going to hurt me anymore because I said,

802
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 2: I'll take you down, don't you worry. And so he

803
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 2: built a relationship with his kids. He spoke to them

804
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 2: on the phone all the time, and I allowed my

805
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 2: children to figure it out, not me controlling. Ye. I

806
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,680
Speaker 2: stepped back and I would listen or allow someone to

807
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 2: listen and observe the speaking, because I didn't want silly

808
00:40:14,239 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 2: stuff spoken to my children, and so it was always supervised.

809
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:22,279
Speaker 2: And my kids started figuring out who he rarely was,

810
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 2: and my daughter started figuring and she's like, oh, now

811
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 2: I understand. And so I allowed them to figure it.

812
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 2: But they needed to go through that them days through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

813
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:34,879
Speaker 2: And it made my children stronger, but also it gave

814
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 2: them peace because then I showed them what I had

815
00:40:39,719 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 2: to show them, how to be a mother and also

816
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 2: how to be kind and gentle, and that through all

817
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 2: the pain and suffering, I still got kindness in my heart,

818
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 2: and so I had to show that because I don't

819
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:53,880
Speaker 2: want to show even to my children.

820
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 1: And what is for me also remarkable is that you

821
00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,479
Speaker 1: know even through you know this time that we've been together,

822
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,880
Speaker 1: and you're telling the story that is quite frankly horrific

823
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 1: and something that most of us can't even imagine living

824
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 1: in a data You actually haven't been running him down.

825
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 1: You've been telling the truth and you've been telling the story,

826
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 1: but not not in being absolutely disparaging to him, which

827
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 1: is you know, I say, I find remarkable when you've been.

828
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 2: Through as much rude as you have. Well, the reason

829
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 2: why I don't run him down is because he's my

830
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 2: kid's father, and so if I'm going to run him down,

831
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 2: I'm running my children down because that insults them. And

832
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 2: that's the worst thing you want to hear is, oh,

833
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 2: your dad's this and this. I never ever spoke to

834
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:40,000
Speaker 2: my kids like that, because I'm already setting them up.

835
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,320
Speaker 2: If I talk to them like that, then I'm already

836
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,720
Speaker 2: teaching telling them their father's and monster when it should

837
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:48,400
Speaker 2: be I shall be allowing them to grow and teach

838
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:52,359
Speaker 2: them how to deal with their own emotions and coping mechanisms.

839
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 2: I'm not teaching them if I tell them.

840
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 1: No, I've got step children, and we're just saying in

841
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 1: our family that A we don't do haves. So you

842
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 1: don't have half siblings, you don't have you know, it's

843
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: kind of the Mardi way.

844
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 2: No, we don't. We don't do that.

845
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:07,359
Speaker 1: You know, I mean, you're a sister, you're my brother,

846
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 1: or you're like, you know, like you're my child, you know,

847
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:11,960
Speaker 1: my my steep daughter's my baby. You know, it doesn't

848
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: take away from her own mother, but I equally I

849
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 1: get to choose the rules in my house. Yes, and

850
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 1: that is kindness and respect, yes, you know, because yeah,

851
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: that's their mum.

852
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 2: And amazing you say that because my son, like my

853
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 2: three oldest, they have two siblings that have got different

854
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 2: dads and you know, they went to Kittera. My daughter

855
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:33,879
Speaker 2: just started utter and they were like, oh, is there

856
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 2: your house is He goes, No, that's my full sister.

857
00:42:36,640 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 2: And they're like but different last name. And I was like, no,

858
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:42,839
Speaker 2: that's my full sister. Do you dare? Yeah?

859
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: My son's like no, just tell him, Just tell him now,

860
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:49,319
Speaker 1: who just needs to go? I don't do anything, but halves, Yeah,

861
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 1: he just says, no, it's my full sister. Hey, I'm

862
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 1: in the sleep. Like you're an ambassador for I am

863
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 1: hope right. Thank you for giving back, because you know,

864
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 1: we've got to right with you, stand up and we've

865
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: got to be counted for and do our things. And

866
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 1: I genuinely also just want to say thank you for

867
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: like putting yourself out there and telling your story because

868
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 1: There'll be a lot of people that will get strength

869
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: from it, and it's pretty incredible.

870
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:25,360
Speaker 4: Oh thank you, Yeah, yeah yeah.

871
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,480
Speaker 1: I normally ask at this point is what is some

872
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: of the best advice you've ever had? But I feel

873
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 1: like in this I've had some of the advice I've

874
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:32,279
Speaker 1: ever been.

875
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 2: The best advice I've ever been even, which is you.

876
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:38,800
Speaker 1: Know, like you can find strength, and you can equally

877
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,719
Speaker 1: sort of reach out and get the help that you need,

878
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 1: and you can find forgiveness.

879
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 2: One hundred percent.

880
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: So that's certainly what I've taken from you.

881
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 2: And what I have to say is just aspire the

882
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 2: next generation. Like we get so fixated at ourselves, don't

883
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 2: forget what's behind you. We've got our kids look up

884
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: to us where you know, people say, oh, but they

885
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 2: look up to the role like celebrities, but our children

886
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:07,880
Speaker 2: where us parents where our children's greatest role models. And

887
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 2: so we need to lead by example. So how we

888
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,840
Speaker 2: present ourselves and how we put ourselves olves into that world.

889
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,839
Speaker 2: Our kids are watching us ten times even better than

890
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 2: what the other kids are watching. So lead by example

891
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 2: because there's greatness right in front of us, and that's

892
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:27,080
Speaker 2: what we neglect and us as people. For every single

893
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:31,200
Speaker 2: person out there, you are great. There's greatness and you

894
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 2: you're staring right at it by showing up every day

895
00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 2: is greatness. That is true greatness. You don't need a

896
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,880
Speaker 2: trophy or someone to tell you you're great. Showing up is great.

897
00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:45,920
Speaker 2: That is greatness. Yeah, it is. Thank you me and

898
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 2: MO two. Can you please just keep going forward in

899
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 2: conquering the world. That'll be quite nice for us, and.

900
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: We can continue to be proud of you and your

901
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,920
Speaker 1: boxing career and what you're doing there, but quite genuinely

902
00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 1: keep going forward and looking after our babies and and

903
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 1: reminding us all that that's who we put at number one,

904
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: so all the best and getting that Allie Scottney fight back.

905
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 2: And that's it.

906
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: Everyone for another episode of Ask Me Anything. I'm getting

907
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,719
Speaker 1: an emotional now because you know, like it's been one

908
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 1: of those ones. But if you've enjoyed this episode, please

909
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 1: follow Ask Me Anything on iHeartRadio or where you get

910
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: your podcasts. Make sure you check out some of our

911
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: past fabulous guests while you're there, Go and check me

912
00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 1: out on Celebrity Island if you want.

913
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 2: Make sure that you tune in.

914
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,440
Speaker 1: For the next fight because we've got to keep supporting here.

915
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:31,719
Speaker 1: I'll be back next Sunday with a fabulous guest. I'm

916
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:40,000
Speaker 1: probably been to ask me anything. Goodbye,