WEBVTT - Jonathan Clark - Breaking the cycle of addiction 0:00:00.920 --> 0:00:02.640 The ZM Podcast Network. 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:05.560 I didn't think I had a problem. 0:00:05.640 --> 0:00:07.280 I just thought I was able to drink more than 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:09.360 most people and say using drugs. 0:00:09.480 --> 0:00:11.080 The destructive path that I've been. 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:13.560 On and the things that I'd done were always coming 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:14.840 back to haunt me in my mind. 0:00:15.120 --> 0:00:17.200 That was like the first time that someone had pointed 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:18.600 out that I had a problem and I just looked back. 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:20.480 I was like, jeez, am I really that bad? 0:00:23.000 --> 0:00:27.160 Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Hope Israel 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:30.840 the Podcast, Season three. I cannot believe that we are here, 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:33.800 that we get to do yet another season of incredible, 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:36.960 inspiring stories from people all around the world. It's honestly 0:00:37.479 --> 0:00:39.480 such an honor and a privilege. So thank you guys 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:42.440 for listening. First of all, I'm so stoked that you're 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:46.519 here and that you're here for today's episode. Now, if 0:00:46.520 --> 0:00:50.800 you're on TikTok, you would have absolutely seen this family, 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:56.480 especially Australia New Zealand side Kat and Jonathan Clark, Deja Clark, 0:00:56.560 --> 0:01:00.080 Letitia Clark, the Clark family in general have blow and 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:03.640 up all over our social media feeds. And I was 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.800 lucky enough a few years ago to meet Kat and 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:10.800 Dasia and Letitia and Jonathan at the TikTok Awards where 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:14.520 Cat one Creator of the Year, I won TikTok for 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:16.880 Good and ever since we've been able to kind of 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:19.479 hang out and chat and kind of share stories around 0:01:19.720 --> 0:01:23.319 I guess what our lives have become like. Kat has 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:26.240 been very open about her story with the things that 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:28.320 she kind of struggled through, and she was on the 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.600 last season of this podcast. But today I'm really really 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:35.080 excited for you guys to hear for potentially one of 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:39.880 the first times that he's really spoken about this Jonathan story. Jonathan, 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:42.760 I guess, is kind of more in the background of 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.280 a lot of these videos. He's the man behind the business. 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.200 He kind of keeps that family going, and I've always 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:51.200 looked at him with complete and utter awe at the 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.360 way that he's been able to really keep this family together, 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:58.760 and as someone who grew up kind of without that 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:01.960 father figure in my life, seeing you know, a lot 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:04.800 of people will know that he's not Letitia's biological father, 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.440 but that he came in and he chose to be 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:10.000 that father role and kind of step into a role 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:15.000 where Letitia's biological father hadn't been, and he is a 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:19.560 pillar of strength, and that has not come without his struggles. 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:22.960 He has fought a very long, tough battle with addiction, 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:26.760 which he has been so transparent and so honest about 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.400 and really kind of delves into I guess the realities 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.680 of what it was to be living like that, the 0:02:32.720 --> 0:02:36.560 reality of, you know, kind of mixing it of this 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:39.960 was actually like a good time and I didn't know 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:42.080 at the time that I was doing anything wrong. What 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:44.640 was his turning point? What was it that made him 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:48.400 decide to go sober? Changes life around, and I guess 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:51.160 become the person that he is today. So Jonathan's story 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:58.800 is coming up right after this. Jonathan, Welcome to Hopah's 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:00.600 All the podcast. First of all, how are you doing. 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:03.639 I'm doing well. Thank you for having me, of. 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:07.640 Course, I'm really excited to have you. I remember sitting 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.240 down with you Kat and Daisia while you guys were 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:13.120 in New Zealand. We had brunch somewhere and I think 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:17.040 it was Koee and beginning to hear like the tiniest 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.600 little snippet of your story and being like, I haven't 0:03:20.639 --> 0:03:23.880 heard this before, Like I think you've You've talked about 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:28.000 it so briefly online and just hearing kind of the 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:30.959 very brief version that I heard, and seeing the person 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:32.799 that you are now and the father that you are, 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.320 and just the way that you and your family are 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:39.920 absolutely bossing the businesses, and obviously your whole family just 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:43.800 kind of rocketed to this crazy level of fame. But 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:47.960 your story is one that I know, especially as a man, 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:52.240 is now it's so hopeful, and I think it's so 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:54.880 incredible to see this change, and so I'm so glad 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:58.040 that we could have this conversation and to have you 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:01.120 sharing this. So I'd love to literally go all the 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:03.720 way back to the beginning. What was your childhood like? 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:09.520 Ooh, so childhood was I always just thought my childhood 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:13.400 was just a normal, normal childhood. Grew up in a 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:18.039 immigrant family, so I was born in South Africa. My 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:20.600 parents obviously were born there as well. We came here 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:25.599 in the early eighties. I was two years old, and yeah, 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:30.000 just grew up in a small, underprivileged sort of upbringing. 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:34.000 My parents were working class, worked twelve forteen hours a day, 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:36.640 and yeah, they worked hard. 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.800 To send me to a private Catholic school and grew 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:43.200 up in that sort of environment. 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:46.120 And I had a younger brother who was who was 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:48.320 three years younger than me, So it was just us 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:51.160 two pretty much, and my parents went around a lot. 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:53.480 They were working a lot, so we learned to fend 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:57.680 for ourselves pretty early. So yeah, that was that's basically 0:04:57.880 --> 0:04:58.919 my childhood were. 0:04:59.120 --> 0:04:59.480 Yeah. 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:05.320 Yeah, I love it, and I think obviously you've there's been. 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:06.960 I think it was a video I actually saw about 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:08.919 Christmas time that you were doing it. It may have 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:10.920 been like two years ago, I think where you were 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:14.239 saying how that used to be such a big time 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:16.800 for you and trying to say no. In regards to 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:20.159 your your addiction story, I would love to know where 0:05:20.440 --> 0:05:23.039 where did that start for you? Like where did it 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:25.720 go from? Was it ever like something that was socially 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:28.960 and then it just turned into addiction? Do you have 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:30.799 like a key moment as to where that started. 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:33.120 I always think so. 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:38.240 I always think I had that tendency for addiction, And 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.279 if I think back to my early times of starting 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.800 to use alcohol and things like that, I always I 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:48.680 think that it was always there where it sort of 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:51.920 turned was where it became a part of my time 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.680 my life, where it was where it turned tumultuous. But 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.640 I always think that I often always think that it 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:00.719 was there from the from the very beginning. I started 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:04.920 drinking at a very early age. My mother is an alcoholic, 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:10.600 her sister is an alcoholic. My grandfather is an alcoholic. 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:16.400 So my grandfather and my mom's sister both died of alcoholism. 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:18.840 My mother's had a stroke, and I had a lot 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:24.520 of difficulties around that. I would say my mom's marriage. 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:30.040 Broke up because of her alcohol. Alcoholism and alcohol sort. 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.600 Of during my younger years, and family life was just 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:36.000 always a normal thing, and my parents drank a lot. 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:36.920 They drank often. 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.520 It was just part of the part of the landscape. 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.359 So for me, drinking was just a normal thing that 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:48.200 I did, and then that sort of graduated to other 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:54.039 illicit substances later on. So I went into smoking cannabis, marijuana, weed, 0:06:54.080 --> 0:06:57.040 whatever you want to call it, very early, I would say, 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:03.000 in my late teenage years, see sixteen, fifteen, sixteen, and 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:06.839 then that became a daily thing. From about seventeen eighteen 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.880 onwards until my early thirties, it would have been pretty 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:14.240 much almost every day, and then. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:18.000 That grade you graduated from there into you know, okain. 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:23.560 I holy of other things that pretty much I had. 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:26.640 I had the I had the attitude that I would 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:27.600 try anything as long as I. 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:28.600 Didn't have to inject it. 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.400 And for me, it was just a normal thing, just 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.600 having fun and doing what I wanted to do. And 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:37.160 I never really saw it as a problem or that 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:41.040 it was something that was affecting my life until it 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:44.640 Until you know, you reach that sort of precipice where 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:48.200 everything's falling apart and the rock bottom as most people 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:48.560 call it. 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:50.960 What do you think you were if you can remember 0:07:51.120 --> 0:07:54.520 like your behavior was like during that time, Like what 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:56.000 kind of person were you to be around? 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:02.040 So I think it's really a yin and yang. 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:04.160 So like one part of. 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:07.160 You is the normal, the part of you that's just 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:13.200 who you are, like loving, caring, nurturing, empathetic and really 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:15.760 wanting to excel in life and take opportunities and do 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.440 the most that you can, what I think is inherent 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:20.160 in most human beings, just. 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:22.400 Wanting to thrive and survive and do well. 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:25.800 But then on the other hand is the dark side 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:28.119 where and a lot of the time it's the side 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:33.720 that you hide from from everyone, and it's the selfish 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.240 ego driven just really. 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:43.040 Wanting to get what you need to get to get 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:43.640 your fixed or. 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:45.959 To get you know, the fun or whatever you want 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:50.640 to call it, and at the same time trying to 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:54.440 still be that caring, loving, nurturing human being that wants 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.280 to strive and survive and do well and succeed in 0:08:57.360 --> 0:08:58.560 life at the same time. 0:08:58.800 --> 0:09:01.880 So, yeah, I think if you knew me, you. 0:09:01.880 --> 0:09:03.800 Would you would you would think, you know, I'm a 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:05.839 I'm a. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.520 Normal person, just loving life, doing what I can do 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:08.160 my best. 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.000 But then if you know, if you went out with me, 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:13.960 you saw me, you know, you're one of those people 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:17.520 that hung around with me who did the other things, you. 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.440 Would see that I had that other side in. 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:22.520 Me as well. And I could be violent, I could 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:26.840 be angry, I could be selfish, I could be Yeah, 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:29.440 anything you wanted under the sun, anything you can think of. 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:29.880 I was. 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:31.880 I could be that at the same time. 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:37.080 So it's I think I'm part of a couple of fellowships. 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:38.679 And I think we call it the masks. 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.559 We wear many masks depending on which environment we're in, 0:09:41.920 --> 0:09:45.400 and we're social chameleons. We just adapt to the situation 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:47.520 that we're in there. If we're in if we're around 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:49.320 those people that we need to be a certain person 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:52.840 who can become that person pretty quickly and survive in 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:56.640 that environment and just not only survive, but excel in 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:58.320 the bad things and also the good things. 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:00.760 Do you think there's like a moment that you can 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:04.000 remember where it switched from like, oh, this is just 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:06.400 something that I'm doing, like drinking socially or whatever it 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:10.360 may be, to this is a problem. Was there a 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:12.160 moment that they sweached or was it kind of always 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:14.440 from the start you knew that it was a problem. 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:15.480 I didn't know. 0:10:15.600 --> 0:10:17.600 I didn't think I had a problem. I just thought 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:17.880 that I. 0:10:17.840 --> 0:10:19.880 Was going to continue living my life like this and 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:24.120 succeed in the best way that I knew. And you know, 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:26.480 drinking was just normal to me. I just I was 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.160 able to drink. I just thought I was able to 0:10:28.240 --> 0:10:30.800 drink more than most people. I liked to drink more 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:35.440 than most people. And same with same with using using drugs. 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:37.959 I was I was able to consume a lot and 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:41.920 just function and do my stuff. The catalyst for me 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:47.439 was I went through maybe a ten year period where 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.959 I thought I had depression, And when I think look 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:52.840 back at it, I probably did have depression, but it 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:56.080 was introduced by a lot of other things in my life, 0:10:56.400 --> 0:11:01.360 and I went to different counselors, shrink psychologists, anything you 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.760 can think of under the sun, when on many different 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:06.319 treatment plans and all the rest of it. 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:11.400 And then one day I went to a psychiatrist. 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:15.160 So I wanted to be medicated for the depression that 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.719 I did I had, and I thought, the only way 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:19.560 to do this is to go see a psychiatrist subste 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:23.840 because they can prescribe medicine. And I sat down with 0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:26.800 him and we went through the evaluation, and he asked 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.199 you the normal questions, how often do you drink, do. 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:31.920 You use drugs, how often do you use them, etc. 0:11:32.160 --> 0:11:32.559 Et cetera. 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.160 And by this point I was getting to a point 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.240 of my life where things were really started to fall apart. 0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:40.439 And I'd gone to counselors and those types of people 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:44.400 before psychologists, and I would try and just tell them 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.200 what I thought they wanted to hear or what would 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:49.960 get me the help that I needed, and I wouldn't really. 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:51.280 Tell them the whole story. 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:54.360 And this time I thought, well, up until now, it 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:57.360 hasn't worked and I haven't got the help that I needed. 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:00.760 I'm just going to tell this guy, like playing symbol, 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.400 exactly how it is and he was really nice, like 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:07.160 he gave that aura of accepting and he had seen 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:09.040 it all, just just lay it all out for me. 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:12.640 So I laid it all on the table. And the 0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:14.880 first thing he says said, before I treat you, have 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:19.920 you ever thought of going into a rehab or detoxing? 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:23.680 And that really just blew me away. That was like 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:25.920 the first time that someone had said to me that, 0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.040 Like I pointed out that I had a problem, and 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:32.080 I just thought back, I was like, geez am I 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:32.880 really that bad? 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:34.120 Do I really need to go? 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.319 Because at that point I was thought, there's no way 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.120 I need to go to a rehab or a detox 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:38.920 or anything like that. 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:42.079 And yeah, when he said that, that was definitely the 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:42.760 catalyst for me. 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:47.640 From that day on, I researched and I went to 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.600 try and get into a rehab and due to detox 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:52.840 because I wanted to get the help that I needed 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.640 because my marriage is falling apart, my life is sort 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:59.280 of falling apart, and I just wanted to get the 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:00.000 help that I needed. 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:02.199 That was definitely because for me, once you. 0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:04.920 Said that, it was like a briek hitting in the face. 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:07.720 It was like, holy shit, do I really have a problem. 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:12.480 Wow, it's crazy that it can go for so long. 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.280 And I've talked to a couple of people on this 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.400 podcast now that have battle with addiction and, like you said, 0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:20.000 just kind of believing that you don't have a problem, 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:21.520 like this is just the way that you're living life. 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:23.640 And I think it's really interesting that you talk about 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:27.040 the link with that to depression because a lot of 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:28.880 the stuff that I see in the system here in 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:31.280 New Zealand, and I'm pretty sure it's a reflected kind 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.600 of globally, is that a lot of the times they 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:37.840 don't treat both. So if you've got mental like if 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.240 you're struggling with mental illness and then you have addiction, 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:43.120 they'll choose one to treat, but often they do coincide. 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:47.800 And I think especially like did you find or do 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:51.640 you think that the drug part for you was just 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:53.559 having fun or do you think there was part of 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.320 it that was trying to numb anything else that you 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:59.200 were feeling, or like what do you think that was 0:13:59.240 --> 0:13:59.480 for you? 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.360 So when I was actually in my addiction, I didn't 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.160 think that it was I thought it was just fun. 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.320 It was just I knew that I knew that I 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:09.920 was at a point where I needed certain things to 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:11.439 function the way that I do. 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:12.599 I needed to because. 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:14.680 When I didn't have them for a certain period of time, 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:18.559 I turned into a different person and nasty, selfish, so seeking, 0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:20.240 bigotistical type person. 0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:24.080 And yeah, for me, I just thought that was normal. 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:27.480 But when I think back, and once I've gone through, 0:14:27.680 --> 0:14:34.440 you know, different treatments I've I was trying to quieten 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:36.280 the voices in my head. So I would have a 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:39.280 really overactive head and I would lay in bed and 0:14:39.360 --> 0:14:43.640 just think and really destroy my own self esteem with 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:45.760 my own thoughts, just like how much of a piece 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:46.360 of shit are you? 0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:48.880 How could you have done that? What you know and 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:49.200 all that. 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:51.160 You know, what's going to happen, if this happens, and 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:54.320 all these sorts of thoughts and voices that go inside 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.840 your head. And for me, the only way to quieten 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:01.440 those was to to you and to get out of 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:04.440 that sort of state. So I would need to use 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:06.280 to get to sleep, I would need to use to 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.720 go out party and have fun. I would often need 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:11.520 to use to go to work. All those sorts of 0:15:11.520 --> 0:15:13.840 things that got to that point where it was those things, 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:15.280 but a lot of it. But I think when I 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.960 think back. It was it was the destructive path that 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.760 I'd been on, and the things that I'd done were 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:23.840 always coming back to haunt me in my mind, and 0:15:23.880 --> 0:15:27.200 I didn't want to have to deal with them face on. 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.560 I wanted to just master them and get those thoughts 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:31.200 out of my head so that I could get to sleep. 0:15:31.000 --> 0:15:32.800 And get on with my day the next day. Does 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:33.360 that make sense? 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:37.720 Yeah, yeah, it does. How long between that psychiatrists appointment 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.000 that you were talking about and then your decision to 0:15:40.760 --> 0:15:43.640 go sober? What was the time frame between. 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:47.800 There so the next Like, as soon as I got 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:51.000 home that day that week, I had a chat to 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:55.800 my wife to cat and I think she was sort 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:56.880 of relieved. 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:58.840 That I'd come to that realization. 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.600 And it was pretty much straight away I was ringing 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:07.560 rehab Steve toxes around the Gold Coast trying to get admitted. 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:08.800 We weren't in. 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.800 A financial position where I could afford to go to one. 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.360 That was that I had to pay a lot because 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.680 a lot of them are quite expensive, and there are 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:18.960 a few around the Gold Coast that will take you 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.800 in depending on your depending on how sick you are 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.000 and their situation and if they've got any free beds 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:28.720 or available space and at that so I did pretty 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:30.880 much went into that straight away. I tried to get 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:32.760 into one like immediately. 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:38.760 Wow. And that process for you going into rehab, what 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:40.760 was that experience like, because that would have been was 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:42.960 it kind of cold turkey for you to go from? 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.400 Yeah, well I didn't actually get into one. 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.200 So at the time there was none available, and on 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:52.960 the Gold Coast there was one. 0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:55.320 They said there might be a bedcoming available in like 0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:58.120 a month's time or a few weeks time. 0:16:58.440 --> 0:17:01.040 And I said, Okay, I don't want to wait that long. 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:04.399 I want to because for me, waiting I would have 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.959 to use to get to that point of going in. 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:09.879 That's in my mind, that's what it was. 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:12.120 And it was like, I'm in the headspace now where 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:13.800 I want to stop and I want to get help 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:17.960 right away. So I don't want to wait, and we 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:20.120 couldn't afford to do it, so what we just decided 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:23.119 to do it at home. So I just took some 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.960 time off work and just went through that pull tap 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:32.840 detox period at home and I had a friend, met 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.159 a friend And when I think about it, was like 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:37.360 divine sort of intervention or however you want to look 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.800 at it. I've met a friend about say, six to 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:44.000 twelve months before that time, and we'd been out drinking 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.840 and partying, and he wasn't drinking, he wasn't doing any. 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:48.280 Sorts of that sort of stuff. 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:52.800 But he was with us and we were just you know, 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:57.399 being crazy, partying, drinking, doing whatever we did when we 0:17:57.440 --> 0:17:59.560 went out, and he wasn't doing any of that. But 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.440 he was a great time with us, and I exchanged 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:04.520 and others with him, and we became friends. 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:06.680 And he sort of alluded. 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:08.919 To the fact that he was that he'd done that before, 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:11.040 but he doesn't do it anymore, and all that sorts 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:14.320 of stuff. And I believe in passing. You mentioned like, 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:15.800 you know, if you ever want to talk or you 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:18.800 ever want any advice on what I do or how 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.280 I did it, let me know. And I didn't think 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:24.000 anything of it, left it. But then when I couldn't 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:26.000 get into a rehab, I rang him up and I said, 0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:30.720 he remember when I when we spoke that time, I said, 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.320 I think I'm ready to do what I need to do. 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:35.040 What do you suggest? 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:40.200 Do you have any do you have any advice to me? Basically, 0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:43.600 and he just took me under. You said meet me 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.360 at this place tomorrow and will we can get started, 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:47.639 So that. 0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:50.760 The fact that you were able to do that without 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:55.399 going to rehab is phenomenal and also shows that lack 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:59.000 of support that was around, the availability that was around 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:00.800 for you to not be able to go and when 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:03.760 you finally went, I need help and I can't do 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:07.000 it like this anymore. I'm so thankful that you had 0:19:07.040 --> 0:19:09.159 that friend. And I think that really shows like just 0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:12.200 the impact and the power of one person and their 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:15.200 ability to help kind of change the direction of your life. 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.480 And obviously you have to be in the position to 0:19:17.560 --> 0:19:21.639 be ready to do that, and you were, and I 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.080 would love to know and kind of all of this. 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:25.880 How old were you when you met Kat? 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:31.359 I was, jeez, two thousand and five, so I was 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:32.720 twenty three. 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:34.439 Oh my gosh, how did you guys meet just. 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:36.800 Turn twenty three? At a pub? 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:42.199 It was R and B Night And we used to 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:45.119 go to this pub before we went out to the city, 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:48.280 usually to go clubbing for like pre drinks, and there 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:50.199 was R and B night and we just used to 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:53.000 just go there, have you know, five or six drinks, 0:19:53.400 --> 0:19:55.760