1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:02,640 Speaker 1: The ZM Podcast Network. 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 2: I didn't think I had a problem. 3 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,280 Speaker 3: I just thought I was able to drink more than 4 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 3: most people and say using drugs. 5 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 2: The destructive path that I've been. 6 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,560 Speaker 3: On and the things that I'd done were always coming 7 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 3: back to haunt me in my mind. 8 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 2: That was like the first time that someone had pointed 9 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,600 Speaker 2: out that I had a problem and I just looked back. 10 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:20,480 Speaker 2: I was like, jeez, am I really that bad? 11 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,160 Speaker 1: Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Hope Israel 12 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 1: the Podcast, Season three. I cannot believe that we are here, 13 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: that we get to do yet another season of incredible, 14 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 1: inspiring stories from people all around the world. It's honestly 15 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 1: such an honor and a privilege. So thank you guys 16 00:00:39,479 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: for listening. First of all, I'm so stoked that you're 17 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: here and that you're here for today's episode. Now, if 18 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: you're on TikTok, you would have absolutely seen this family, 19 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 1: especially Australia New Zealand side Kat and Jonathan Clark, Deja Clark, 20 00:00:56,560 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 1: Letitia Clark, the Clark family in general have blow and 21 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: up all over our social media feeds. And I was 22 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: lucky enough a few years ago to meet Kat and 23 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: Dasia and Letitia and Jonathan at the TikTok Awards where 24 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: Cat one Creator of the Year, I won TikTok for 25 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: Good and ever since we've been able to kind of 26 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,479 Speaker 1: hang out and chat and kind of share stories around 27 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 1: I guess what our lives have become like. Kat has 28 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: been very open about her story with the things that 29 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: she kind of struggled through, and she was on the 30 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,600 Speaker 1: last season of this podcast. But today I'm really really 31 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: excited for you guys to hear for potentially one of 32 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 1: the first times that he's really spoken about this Jonathan story. Jonathan, 33 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 1: I guess, is kind of more in the background of 34 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: a lot of these videos. He's the man behind the business. 35 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 1: He kind of keeps that family going, and I've always 36 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: looked at him with complete and utter awe at the 37 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 1: way that he's been able to really keep this family together, 38 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: and as someone who grew up kind of without that 39 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: father figure in my life, seeing you know, a lot 40 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: of people will know that he's not Letitia's biological father, 41 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 1: but that he came in and he chose to be 42 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 1: that father role and kind of step into a role 43 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: where Letitia's biological father hadn't been, and he is a 44 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:19,560 Speaker 1: pillar of strength, and that has not come without his struggles. 45 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: He has fought a very long, tough battle with addiction, 46 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 1: which he has been so transparent and so honest about 47 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: and really kind of delves into I guess the realities 48 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: of what it was to be living like that, the 49 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 1: reality of, you know, kind of mixing it of this 50 00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 1: was actually like a good time and I didn't know 51 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: at the time that I was doing anything wrong. What 52 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 1: was his turning point? What was it that made him 53 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: decide to go sober? Changes life around, and I guess 54 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: become the person that he is today. So Jonathan's story 55 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 1: is coming up right after this. Jonathan, Welcome to Hopah's 56 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 1: All the podcast. First of all, how are you doing. 57 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,639 Speaker 2: I'm doing well. Thank you for having me, of. 58 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 1: Course, I'm really excited to have you. I remember sitting 59 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 1: down with you Kat and Daisia while you guys were 60 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 1: in New Zealand. We had brunch somewhere and I think 61 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: it was Koee and beginning to hear like the tiniest 62 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: little snippet of your story and being like, I haven't 63 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: heard this before, Like I think you've You've talked about 64 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 1: it so briefly online and just hearing kind of the 65 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,959 Speaker 1: very brief version that I heard, and seeing the person 66 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 1: that you are now and the father that you are, 67 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: and just the way that you and your family are 68 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: absolutely bossing the businesses, and obviously your whole family just 69 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: kind of rocketed to this crazy level of fame. But 70 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: your story is one that I know, especially as a man, 71 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: is now it's so hopeful, and I think it's so 72 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: incredible to see this change, and so I'm so glad 73 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: that we could have this conversation and to have you 74 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: sharing this. So I'd love to literally go all the 75 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: way back to the beginning. What was your childhood like? 76 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 3: Ooh, so childhood was I always just thought my childhood 77 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 3: was just a normal, normal childhood. Grew up in a 78 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 3: immigrant family, so I was born in South Africa. My 79 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 3: parents obviously were born there as well. We came here 80 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:25,599 Speaker 3: in the early eighties. I was two years old, and yeah, 81 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 3: just grew up in a small, underprivileged sort of upbringing. 82 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 3: My parents were working class, worked twelve forteen hours a day, 83 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 3: and yeah, they worked hard. 84 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 2: To send me to a private Catholic school and grew 85 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 2: up in that sort of environment. 86 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 3: And I had a younger brother who was who was 87 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,320 Speaker 3: three years younger than me, So it was just us 88 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 3: two pretty much, and my parents went around a lot. 89 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 3: They were working a lot, so we learned to fend 90 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 3: for ourselves pretty early. So yeah, that was that's basically 91 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,919 Speaker 3: my childhood were. 92 00:04:59,120 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 2: Yeah. 93 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it, and I think obviously you've there's been. 94 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: I think it was a video I actually saw about 95 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,919 Speaker 1: Christmas time that you were doing it. It may have 96 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 1: been like two years ago, I think where you were 97 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,239 Speaker 1: saying how that used to be such a big time 98 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: for you and trying to say no. In regards to 99 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 1: your your addiction story, I would love to know where 100 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,039 Speaker 1: where did that start for you? Like where did it 101 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,720 Speaker 1: go from? Was it ever like something that was socially 102 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: and then it just turned into addiction? Do you have 103 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:30,799 Speaker 1: like a key moment as to where that started. 104 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 2: I always think so. 105 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 3: I always think I had that tendency for addiction, And 106 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 3: if I think back to my early times of starting 107 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 3: to use alcohol and things like that, I always I 108 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 3: think that it was always there where it sort of 109 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 3: turned was where it became a part of my time 110 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 3: my life, where it was where it turned tumultuous. But 111 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 3: I always think that I often always think that it 112 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 3: was there from the from the very beginning. I started 113 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 3: drinking at a very early age. My mother is an alcoholic, 114 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 3: her sister is an alcoholic. My grandfather is an alcoholic. 115 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 3: So my grandfather and my mom's sister both died of alcoholism. 116 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 3: My mother's had a stroke, and I had a lot 117 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:24,520 Speaker 3: of difficulties around that. I would say my mom's marriage. 118 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 2: Broke up because of her alcohol. Alcoholism and alcohol sort. 119 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 3: Of during my younger years, and family life was just 120 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 3: always a normal thing, and my parents drank a lot. 121 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 2: They drank often. 122 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,520 Speaker 3: It was just part of the part of the landscape. 123 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,359 Speaker 3: So for me, drinking was just a normal thing that 124 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 3: I did, and then that sort of graduated to other 125 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 3: illicit substances later on. So I went into smoking cannabis, marijuana, weed, 126 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 3: whatever you want to call it, very early, I would say, 127 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 3: in my late teenage years, see sixteen, fifteen, sixteen, and 128 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 3: then that became a daily thing. From about seventeen eighteen 129 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 3: onwards until my early thirties, it would have been pretty 130 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 3: much almost every day, and then. 131 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 2: That grade you graduated from there into you know, okain. 132 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 3: I holy of other things that pretty much I had. 133 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 3: I had the I had the attitude that I would 134 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 3: try anything as long as I. 135 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 2: Didn't have to inject it. 136 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 3: And for me, it was just a normal thing, just 137 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 3: having fun and doing what I wanted to do. And 138 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 3: I never really saw it as a problem or that 139 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 3: it was something that was affecting my life until it 140 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 3: Until you know, you reach that sort of precipice where 141 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 3: everything's falling apart and the rock bottom as most people 142 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 3: call it. 143 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 1: What do you think you were if you can remember 144 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 1: like your behavior was like during that time, Like what 145 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 1: kind of person were you to be around? 146 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 3: So I think it's really a yin and yang. 147 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,160 Speaker 2: So like one part of. 148 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 3: You is the normal, the part of you that's just 149 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 3: who you are, like loving, caring, nurturing, empathetic and really 150 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 3: wanting to excel in life and take opportunities and do 151 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 3: the most that you can, what I think is inherent 152 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 3: in most human beings, just. 153 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 2: Wanting to thrive and survive and do well. 154 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 3: But then on the other hand is the dark side 155 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,119 Speaker 3: where and a lot of the time it's the side 156 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 3: that you hide from from everyone, and it's the selfish 157 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 3: ego driven just really. 158 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 2: Wanting to get what you need to get to get 159 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 2: your fixed or. 160 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,959 Speaker 3: To get you know, the fun or whatever you want 161 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:50,640 Speaker 3: to call it, and at the same time trying to 162 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:54,440 Speaker 3: still be that caring, loving, nurturing human being that wants 163 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:57,280 Speaker 3: to strive and survive and do well and succeed in 164 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,560 Speaker 3: life at the same time. 165 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 2: So, yeah, I think if you knew me, you. 166 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,800 Speaker 3: Would you would you would think, you know, I'm a 167 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,839 Speaker 3: I'm a. 168 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 2: Normal person, just loving life, doing what I can do 169 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 2: my best. 170 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 3: But then if you know, if you went out with me, 171 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 3: you saw me, you know, you're one of those people 172 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 3: that hung around with me who did the other things, you. 173 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 2: Would see that I had that other side in. 174 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,520 Speaker 3: Me as well. And I could be violent, I could 175 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 3: be angry, I could be selfish, I could be Yeah, 176 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 3: anything you wanted under the sun, anything you can think of. 177 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 3: I was. 178 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 2: I could be that at the same time. 179 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:37,080 Speaker 3: So it's I think I'm part of a couple of fellowships. 180 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,679 Speaker 2: And I think we call it the masks. 181 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,559 Speaker 3: We wear many masks depending on which environment we're in, 182 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,400 Speaker 3: and we're social chameleons. We just adapt to the situation 183 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 3: that we're in there. If we're in if we're around 184 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 3: those people that we need to be a certain person 185 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 3: who can become that person pretty quickly and survive in 186 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 3: that environment and just not only survive, but excel in 187 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,320 Speaker 3: the bad things and also the good things. 188 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 1: Do you think there's like a moment that you can 189 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: remember where it switched from like, oh, this is just 190 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: something that I'm doing, like drinking socially or whatever it 191 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: may be, to this is a problem. Was there a 192 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 1: moment that they sweached or was it kind of always 193 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: from the start you knew that it was a problem. 194 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 3: I didn't know. 195 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 2: I didn't think I had a problem. I just thought 196 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 2: that I. 197 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 3: Was going to continue living my life like this and 198 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 3: succeed in the best way that I knew. And you know, 199 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,480 Speaker 3: drinking was just normal to me. I just I was 200 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 3: able to drink. I just thought I was able to 201 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 3: drink more than most people. I liked to drink more 202 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:35,440 Speaker 3: than most people. And same with same with using using drugs. 203 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,959 Speaker 3: I was I was able to consume a lot and 204 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 3: just function and do my stuff. The catalyst for me 205 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 3: was I went through maybe a ten year period where 206 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,959 Speaker 3: I thought I had depression, And when I think look 207 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,840 Speaker 3: back at it, I probably did have depression, but it 208 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 3: was introduced by a lot of other things in my life, 209 00:10:56,400 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 3: and I went to different counselors, shrink psychologists, anything you 210 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,760 Speaker 3: can think of under the sun, when on many different 211 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,319 Speaker 3: treatment plans and all the rest of it. 212 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 2: And then one day I went to a psychiatrist. 213 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 3: So I wanted to be medicated for the depression that 214 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 3: I did I had, and I thought, the only way 215 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 3: to do this is to go see a psychiatrist subste 216 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 3: because they can prescribe medicine. And I sat down with 217 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 3: him and we went through the evaluation, and he asked 218 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 3: you the normal questions, how often do you drink, do. 219 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 2: You use drugs, how often do you use them, etc. 220 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:32,559 Speaker 2: Et cetera. 221 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,160 Speaker 3: And by this point I was getting to a point 222 00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 3: of my life where things were really started to fall apart. 223 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 3: And I'd gone to counselors and those types of people 224 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 3: before psychologists, and I would try and just tell them 225 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 3: what I thought they wanted to hear or what would 226 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,960 Speaker 3: get me the help that I needed, and I wouldn't really. 227 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 2: Tell them the whole story. 228 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 3: And this time I thought, well, up until now, it 229 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,360 Speaker 3: hasn't worked and I haven't got the help that I needed. 230 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 3: I'm just going to tell this guy, like playing symbol, 231 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,400 Speaker 3: exactly how it is and he was really nice, like 232 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 3: he gave that aura of accepting and he had seen 233 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,040 Speaker 3: it all, just just lay it all out for me. 234 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 3: So I laid it all on the table. And the 235 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 3: first thing he says said, before I treat you, have 236 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:19,920 Speaker 3: you ever thought of going into a rehab or detoxing? 237 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,680 Speaker 3: And that really just blew me away. That was like 238 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 3: the first time that someone had said to me that, 239 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 3: Like I pointed out that I had a problem, and 240 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,080 Speaker 3: I just thought back, I was like, geez am I 241 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 3: really that bad? 242 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,120 Speaker 2: Do I really need to go? 243 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,319 Speaker 3: Because at that point I was thought, there's no way 244 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 3: I need to go to a rehab or a detox 245 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 3: or anything like that. 246 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,079 Speaker 2: And yeah, when he said that, that was definitely the 247 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:42,760 Speaker 2: catalyst for me. 248 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 3: From that day on, I researched and I went to 249 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 3: try and get into a rehab and due to detox 250 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:52,840 Speaker 3: because I wanted to get the help that I needed 251 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,640 Speaker 3: because my marriage is falling apart, my life is sort 252 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 3: of falling apart, and I just wanted to get the 253 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 3: help that I needed. 254 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,199 Speaker 2: That was definitely because for me, once you. 255 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 3: Said that, it was like a briek hitting in the face. 256 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 3: It was like, holy shit, do I really have a problem. 257 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 1: Wow, it's crazy that it can go for so long. 258 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: And I've talked to a couple of people on this 259 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 1: podcast now that have battle with addiction and, like you said, 260 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: just kind of believing that you don't have a problem, 261 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 1: like this is just the way that you're living life. 262 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: And I think it's really interesting that you talk about 263 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: the link with that to depression because a lot of 264 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: the stuff that I see in the system here in 265 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: New Zealand, and I'm pretty sure it's a reflected kind 266 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: of globally, is that a lot of the times they 267 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: don't treat both. So if you've got mental like if 268 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: you're struggling with mental illness and then you have addiction, 269 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: they'll choose one to treat, but often they do coincide. 270 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: And I think especially like did you find or do 271 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,640 Speaker 1: you think that the drug part for you was just 272 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,559 Speaker 1: having fun or do you think there was part of 273 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,320 Speaker 1: it that was trying to numb anything else that you 274 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: were feeling, or like what do you think that was 275 00:13:59,240 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 1: for you? 276 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,360 Speaker 3: So when I was actually in my addiction, I didn't 277 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 3: think that it was I thought it was just fun. 278 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,320 Speaker 3: It was just I knew that I knew that I 279 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 3: was at a point where I needed certain things to 280 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,439 Speaker 3: function the way that I do. 281 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:12,599 Speaker 2: I needed to because. 282 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 3: When I didn't have them for a certain period of time, 283 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:18,559 Speaker 3: I turned into a different person and nasty, selfish, so seeking, 284 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 3: bigotistical type person. 285 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 2: And yeah, for me, I just thought that was normal. 286 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 3: But when I think back, and once I've gone through, 287 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 3: you know, different treatments I've I was trying to quieten 288 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 3: the voices in my head. So I would have a 289 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,280 Speaker 3: really overactive head and I would lay in bed and 290 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 3: just think and really destroy my own self esteem with 291 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 3: my own thoughts, just like how much of a piece 292 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 3: of shit are you? 293 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 2: How could you have done that? What you know and 294 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 2: all that. 295 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 3: You know, what's going to happen, if this happens, and 296 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 3: all these sorts of thoughts and voices that go inside 297 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 3: your head. And for me, the only way to quieten 298 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 3: those was to to you and to get out of 299 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,440 Speaker 3: that sort of state. So I would need to use 300 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 3: to get to sleep, I would need to use to 301 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 3: go out party and have fun. I would often need 302 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 3: to use to go to work. All those sorts of 303 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 3: things that got to that point where it was those things, 304 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 3: but a lot of it. But I think when I 305 00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 3: think back. It was it was the destructive path that 306 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 3: I'd been on, and the things that I'd done were 307 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 3: always coming back to haunt me in my mind, and 308 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 3: I didn't want to have to deal with them face on. 309 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 3: I wanted to just master them and get those thoughts 310 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 3: out of my head so that I could get to sleep. 311 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 2: And get on with my day the next day. Does 312 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 2: that make sense? 313 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it does. How long between that psychiatrists appointment 314 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: that you were talking about and then your decision to 315 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 1: go sober? What was the time frame between. 316 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 3: There so the next Like, as soon as I got 317 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 3: home that day that week, I had a chat to 318 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 3: my wife to cat and I think she was sort 319 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 3: of relieved. 320 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 2: That I'd come to that realization. 321 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 3: And it was pretty much straight away I was ringing 322 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 3: rehab Steve toxes around the Gold Coast trying to get admitted. 323 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 2: We weren't in. 324 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:11,800 Speaker 3: A financial position where I could afford to go to one. 325 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 3: That was that I had to pay a lot because 326 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 3: a lot of them are quite expensive, and there are 327 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 3: a few around the Gold Coast that will take you 328 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 3: in depending on your depending on how sick you are 329 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 3: and their situation and if they've got any free beds 330 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 3: or available space and at that so I did pretty 331 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 3: much went into that straight away. I tried to get 332 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 3: into one like immediately. 333 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: Wow. And that process for you going into rehab, what 334 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: was that experience like, because that would have been was 335 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 1: it kind of cold turkey for you to go from? 336 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, well I didn't actually get into one. 337 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:51,200 Speaker 3: So at the time there was none available, and on 338 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 3: the Gold Coast there was one. 339 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 2: They said there might be a bedcoming available in like 340 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 2: a month's time or a few weeks time. 341 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 3: And I said, Okay, I don't want to wait that long. 342 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 3: I want to because for me, waiting I would have 343 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,959 Speaker 3: to use to get to that point of going in. 344 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:09,879 Speaker 2: That's in my mind, that's what it was. 345 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,120 Speaker 3: And it was like, I'm in the headspace now where 346 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 3: I want to stop and I want to get help 347 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,960 Speaker 3: right away. So I don't want to wait, and we 348 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,120 Speaker 3: couldn't afford to do it, so what we just decided 349 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 3: to do it at home. So I just took some 350 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,960 Speaker 3: time off work and just went through that pull tap 351 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 3: detox period at home and I had a friend, met 352 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,159 Speaker 3: a friend And when I think about it, was like 353 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,360 Speaker 3: divine sort of intervention or however you want to look 354 00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 3: at it. I've met a friend about say, six to 355 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 3: twelve months before that time, and we'd been out drinking 356 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,840 Speaker 3: and partying, and he wasn't drinking, he wasn't doing any. 357 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 2: Sorts of that sort of stuff. 358 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,800 Speaker 3: But he was with us and we were just you know, 359 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 3: being crazy, partying, drinking, doing whatever we did when we 360 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 3: went out, and he wasn't doing any of that. But 361 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 3: he was a great time with us, and I exchanged 362 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 3: and others with him, and we became friends. 363 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:06,680 Speaker 2: And he sort of alluded. 364 00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 3: To the fact that he was that he'd done that before, 365 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 3: but he doesn't do it anymore, and all that sorts 366 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,320 Speaker 3: of stuff. And I believe in passing. You mentioned like, 367 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,800 Speaker 3: you know, if you ever want to talk or you 368 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 3: ever want any advice on what I do or how 369 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 3: I did it, let me know. And I didn't think 370 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 3: anything of it, left it. But then when I couldn't 371 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 3: get into a rehab, I rang him up and I said, 372 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 3: he remember when I when we spoke that time, I said, 373 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 3: I think I'm ready to do what I need to do. 374 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 2: What do you suggest? 375 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:40,200 Speaker 3: Do you have any do you have any advice to me? Basically, 376 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 3: and he just took me under. You said meet me 377 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,360 Speaker 3: at this place tomorrow and will we can get started, 378 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,639 Speaker 3: So that. 379 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,760 Speaker 1: The fact that you were able to do that without 380 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:55,399 Speaker 1: going to rehab is phenomenal and also shows that lack 381 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: of support that was around, the availability that was around 382 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:00,800 Speaker 1: for you to not be able to go and when 383 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,760 Speaker 1: you finally went, I need help and I can't do 384 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: it like this anymore. I'm so thankful that you had 385 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 1: that friend. And I think that really shows like just 386 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 1: the impact and the power of one person and their 387 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 1: ability to help kind of change the direction of your life. 388 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: And obviously you have to be in the position to 389 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,639 Speaker 1: be ready to do that, and you were, and I 390 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 1: would love to know and kind of all of this. 391 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,880 Speaker 1: How old were you when you met Kat? 392 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 3: I was, jeez, two thousand and five, so I was 393 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:32,720 Speaker 3: twenty three. 394 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:34,439 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, how did you guys meet just. 395 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 2: Turn twenty three? At a pub? 396 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,199 Speaker 3: It was R and B Night And we used to 397 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 3: go to this pub before we went out to the city, 398 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 3: usually to go clubbing for like pre drinks, and there 399 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,199 Speaker 3: was R and B night and we just used to 400 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 3: just go there, have you know, five or six drinks, 401 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 3: get warmed up, and then catch a cab into town 402 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,880 Speaker 3: because Obviously, clubs didn't get really good until late late 403 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 3: that night. So yeah, Kat was there that night, and yeah, 404 00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 3: I was having this back when you could smoke in 405 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 3: the pub. 406 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 2: Both we both. 407 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 3: Used to smoke, and I was having a cigarette and 408 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 3: I saw her from across the room and she came, 409 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 3: like walked all the way over and asked me for 410 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 3: a lighter. And yeah, I saw a walk past like 411 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,920 Speaker 3: five other people who were smoking, and I was like, well, 412 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,000 Speaker 3: she could have asked any one of those people for 413 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,360 Speaker 3: a lighter, so she. 414 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:24,040 Speaker 2: Must like me. 415 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,280 Speaker 3: And she grabbed I lit her cigarette, and then before 416 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,160 Speaker 3: she left, she said, if you want to dance, come 417 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 3: and see me. So that was it. 418 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,639 Speaker 1: Well that's really cute. If you want to dance, come 419 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 1: and see me. Ah yeah please. And obviously you guys 420 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,280 Speaker 1: then you started data. How long after that did you 421 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 1: start seeing each other? 422 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,720 Speaker 3: Pretty much straight away, So I didn't go out clubbing 423 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:48,480 Speaker 3: that night. The rest of my friends went, and I 424 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:53,200 Speaker 3: stayed at the pub and danced with Kat and got 425 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,080 Speaker 3: to know where. I got a number, got to know 426 00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 3: her friends who she was there with, and yeah, I 427 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 3: think the next day I texted her and yeah, we went. 428 00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,880 Speaker 2: Out for a date after that. 429 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 3: Then there was another date where she said she had 430 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 3: to tell me something and that's when she told me 431 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 3: that she had Letitia. 432 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 2: And yeah, we've we moved in like with. 433 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 3: Each other about three months after that and we haven't 434 00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 3: been separated since. 435 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:24,359 Speaker 1: Dang three months. And you guys, how many years have 436 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: been now since you've been together? 437 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,160 Speaker 2: Seventeen? No, so nineteen together, was seventeen married? 438 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's that's a really cute story. It 439 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: kind of feels like it was like a little bit 440 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 1: of a love at first sight situation. Do you feel 441 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:38,520 Speaker 1: like that's what it was? 442 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? 443 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 3: It was. 444 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. What was your response when you found out that 445 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 1: she had a kid? 446 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 3: I was actually relieved because I thought she was going 447 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 3: to tell me something really bad, like she couldn't be 448 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 3: with me because she was married, or she had a 449 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 3: boyfriend or. 450 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 2: I don't know that. 451 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 3: There was all the million things I were going to 452 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,320 Speaker 3: through my mind, but none of them were that she's 453 00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 3: got a child. And to be honest, I'd always when 454 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 3: I was a kid, I always wanted to be a dad. 455 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 3: And when she said that, I was like, my response, 456 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, is that is that all coool? 457 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 2: And I was like I was actually really happy that 458 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 2: she had. 459 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 3: A child and met Tisha and fell in love with 460 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 3: her and sort of became an instant father, which was 461 00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:25,800 Speaker 3: pretty cool. 462 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 1: How what was Latitia when you meet her? 463 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 2: Two? 464 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, oh baby. One of the things that 465 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 1: I've really really loved about, you know, slowly getting to 466 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,439 Speaker 1: know your family. And I think the first time I 467 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 1: meet you guys was the Tech Talk Awards. However, it 468 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:43,879 Speaker 1: was actually on Dage's birthday. I think it was the 469 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,480 Speaker 1: first time I meet you, and I'd been with Kat 470 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 1: and Latitia the day before. I think it was her 471 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,280 Speaker 1: birthday at the awards. 472 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:50,400 Speaker 3: Two years ago. 473 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:53,639 Speaker 1: I think it was, yeah, And I just remember like 474 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 1: watching you guys as a family now and seeing specifically 475 00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: your relationship with Letitia. It's just so it's so incredible 476 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: because like, statistically here, I don't know what the stats 477 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: are in Australia, but in New Zealand there's two hundred 478 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: and seventy thousand families living in a fatherless home. And 479 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,920 Speaker 1: I think there's just so much hurt and so much 480 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: pain for these kids that are growing up in these situations, 481 00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,560 Speaker 1: and that kind of abandonment that can come up in 482 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,919 Speaker 1: those feelings of like there's something wrong with me and 483 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,960 Speaker 1: that's why they left, and to see you step into 484 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: this role and also like kind of break some of 485 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,640 Speaker 1: the bad stigmas that are in around like step dads. 486 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,800 Speaker 1: Obviously you are who dad now, but like you know, 487 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 1: there's a lot of there's some negative stigmas that can 488 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,919 Speaker 1: come with that. But every time that I see you, 489 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,360 Speaker 1: guys are just I'm so happy to see that you're 490 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:53,040 Speaker 1: such a role model and evidence as well that one 491 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:57,439 Speaker 1: men can be good but too how much having a 492 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: father figure to step in can also kind of help 493 00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: with pain that your own met father may have caused. 494 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 1: And so it's been really really cool to see that. 495 00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 1: And obviously then a few years later you had another child. 496 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,639 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was five years after I met Kat. We 497 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:22,160 Speaker 3: had Yeah, five years after we met had Dasia. So yeah, 498 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 3: Kat actually didn't want any more kids when I met her, 499 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,880 Speaker 3: and I was actually I had come to a point 500 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,639 Speaker 3: where I was content with that, because there was I 501 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 3: wasn't I try to convince her that, you know, I 502 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,720 Speaker 3: wanted to have another child. I really wanted a son. 503 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,479 Speaker 3: And yeah, there was a sort of a catalyst that's 504 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,239 Speaker 3: another story, and what sort of changed cat's mind to 505 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,359 Speaker 3: have Desiah and then yeah, we ended up having Desia 506 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 3: five years later. 507 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 1: So during this time, if I've got my maths correct, 508 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: is this when you were you were still struggling with 509 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: your addiction At that time, I was. 510 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,560 Speaker 3: But like you call it, a functioning addict, like I 511 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:10,040 Speaker 3: was still okay, I wasn't. It wasn't destroying my life 512 00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:12,560 Speaker 3: and it wasn't detrimental because I think at that time 513 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,399 Speaker 3: I was still young and I was still you know, 514 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 3: making having small successes and small wings in my life 515 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 3: that there wasn't There wasn't enough bad things happening for 516 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,879 Speaker 3: me to take a step back and go, hey, they 517 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,240 Speaker 3: made an issue here. For me, I was just having 518 00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 3: fun and I like to have a bit more fun 519 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:31,879 Speaker 3: than most people, and that that was the end of 520 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:32,280 Speaker 3: it for me. 521 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,919 Speaker 1: Well, your kids are part of the reason that you 522 00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 1: wanted to get sober. 523 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 2: It probably sounds really selfish, but they weren't. 524 00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:50,480 Speaker 3: And it really has to be for any addict to 525 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 3: want to stop, it really has to be a selfish thing. 526 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 3: It really has to be one hundred percent for them, 527 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,880 Speaker 3: because if it was for them, I would have done 528 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 3: it a long time before ictually did it. And you know, 529 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 3: we will always say that you have to be selfish 530 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:09,320 Speaker 3: to be selfless, like I had to put myself first, 531 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,879 Speaker 3: And yeah, it sounds bad, but it wasn't. They weren't 532 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:16,520 Speaker 3: the reason that I wanted to stop because, like I said, 533 00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 3: I didn't think that I had an issue, and when 534 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 3: it came down to everything falling a part of my 535 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:27,160 Speaker 3: life that again, they weren't the catalyst. So it as 536 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 3: bad as it was. That that's just how bad addiction is. 537 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 3: It's like you don't really give it. You don't really 538 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,560 Speaker 3: give a crap about what you're doing to other people's lives, 539 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,399 Speaker 3: and they can push you and talk to you and 540 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 3: screaming you and want you to do whatever they want 541 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 3: you to do to try and stop and change your 542 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,640 Speaker 3: life around. But until you come to the realization yourself 543 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,439 Speaker 3: and want to actually change yourself because of you and 544 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 3: the turmoil that's going on with inside yourself, then there's 545 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:54,640 Speaker 3: no change that could be made. 546 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,320 Speaker 1: Do you think that your experiences have impacted the way 547 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: that your parent now, Like do you feel you're a 548 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: lot more aware of like that path being like something 549 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,399 Speaker 1: that you're trying to steal your kids away from, or 550 00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,680 Speaker 1: like does it impact at all your parenting. 551 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. So after I got clean and sober. 552 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, it going through that process, it really opened my 553 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:22,159 Speaker 3: eyes to watch out for the telltale signs and what 554 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,320 Speaker 3: and just to be aware of when a certain person 555 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 3: is going down that path. And it's made me aware 556 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,160 Speaker 3: of not just in my parenting, but just in life 557 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,120 Speaker 3: in general. I can see, I can see it within 558 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 3: certain people, but I don't obviously know because of what 559 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,639 Speaker 3: I went through, not on how to approach that with 560 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:44,040 Speaker 3: certain people. I've Yeah, it's it's made me just more 561 00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 3: aware on what to look out for in my kids. 562 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:50,920 Speaker 3: And it's sort of I've always had the the opinion 563 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,080 Speaker 3: not to try and hide the greediness of that sort 564 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 3: of stuff with your kids, and not to try and 565 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,159 Speaker 3: sugarcoat or shield them too much away from drugs and 566 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 3: alcohol and white people use them and why it's such 567 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,880 Speaker 3: an acceptable part of society and why people go down 568 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,360 Speaker 3: that path. So I've always been really open, like I've 569 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,959 Speaker 3: always said to my kids that you know, drugs and alcohol, 570 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 3: it feels great, So that's why people that's why people 571 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,919 Speaker 3: start to do it. They don't if it felt like crap, 572 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,640 Speaker 3: people wouldn't get into get into addiction. They wouldn't keep using, 573 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 3: they wouldn't be buying alcohol every. 574 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,400 Speaker 2: Every weekend, and they wouldn't sell it in the shops. 575 00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 3: It feels great in the beginning, and I've said that 576 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,920 Speaker 3: to them because what I didn't want and what sort 577 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:38,600 Speaker 3: of happened to me is that I was always told you, 578 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 3: this is bad, that's bad, don't do this, don't do that, 579 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 3: whether it came to drug, sex, alcohol, any sort of 580 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 3: taboo type subjects. And then when I inevitably ended up 581 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 3: trying these things, I was like, well, that's not right, 582 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 3: this is great. What are they talking about? 583 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:54,640 Speaker 1: You know? 584 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 2: And then you feel betrayed and you feel like, oh, 585 00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:58,360 Speaker 2: what do they You know? 586 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 3: This is billy, Like they don't know what they're talking about, 587 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,840 Speaker 3: and then you just stop listening to those people in 588 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 3: your life. 589 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 2: So I didn't want to. I didn't want that to 590 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 2: happen to my kids. 591 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 3: You don't want to tell them that this is bad 592 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 3: and that's going to feel like crap, and et cetera, 593 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 3: et cetera. I just wanted to be open and honest 594 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:15,280 Speaker 3: and say, hey, if you end up trying this, you're 595 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 3: going to you're probably going to love it. You're probably 596 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,120 Speaker 3: going to enjoy it, but this is what can happen, 597 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 3: and this is what that can lead to, et cetera, 598 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,840 Speaker 3: et cetera, Because I don't think there's a way you 599 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 3: can really ultimately stop anyone from doing anything, because if 600 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 3: someone really wants to do something, or they get into 601 00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 3: a situation where they're going to try something, then they're 602 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 3: going to give it a go. So I think giving 603 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 3: them an honest opinion on what that reaction is going 604 00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,640 Speaker 3: to be like, so then when they do try they're like, oh, 605 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:43,280 Speaker 3: I feel great. 606 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 2: This is what dad said. He said, it's going to 607 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:45,240 Speaker 2: feel great. 608 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. I really like that you're having those conversations so honestly, 609 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of the times parents 610 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,760 Speaker 1: are so afraid to have those conversations because they think 611 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:56,800 Speaker 1: they're going to plant the idea. But like you said, 612 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 1: like they're going to grow up and eventually they're going 613 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: to probably try that things. And so the fact that 614 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: you've had that honest conversation is really great. And obviously 615 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 1: your lives kind of blew up, like everything exploded for 616 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:15,480 Speaker 1: your family with social media and kind of suddenly all 617 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: these eyes were on you or on your family. How 618 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: did how how did you guys manage that as as 619 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 1: it started to really kind of kick off for you 620 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: because obviously you went from being kind of this normal 621 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: family to do all these eyeballs and now on you 622 00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: all the time. 623 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I get this. 624 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 3: I get asked this a little bit, and I really 625 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 3: I don't know how we manage it. I think I 626 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 3: think by having the experiences that we've had throughout our 627 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 3: life and having the turmoil and having been in the 628 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 3: depths of really tough situations in our lives and coming 629 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:52,440 Speaker 3: through them. 630 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:53,960 Speaker 2: You know, we've had a. 631 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 3: Lot of judgment and a lot of people, you know, 632 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,640 Speaker 3: look at look at us when we were young and 633 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 3: think that we were stupid and we did know what 634 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 3: we were doing, and we've always had to stick together 635 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:05,880 Speaker 3: and just. 636 00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 2: Go and move forward. 637 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:10,040 Speaker 3: Anyway. Cat and I've always had a similar sort of 638 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 3: thrife for success, but really wanted to be successful in 639 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 3: our lives and really wanted to be wealthy and build 640 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:20,080 Speaker 3: wealth for our family and really have a successful life 641 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,000 Speaker 3: and show our kids a life that we were never 642 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 3: able to have. So, you know, having a lot of judgment, 643 00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 3: you know, we would you know, Kat was a single month. 644 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 3: She had a lot of judgment before I ever met her, 645 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 3: and she overcame a lot of that sort of stuff, 646 00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:36,800 Speaker 3: get an abusive, an abusive relationship. You know, I left 647 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:40,160 Speaker 3: home when I was sixteen, seventeen years old. You know 648 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,040 Speaker 3: I was doing things that you know, people were looking 649 00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,960 Speaker 3: at me and saying, you know, you're never going around 650 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 3: to anything. You know, you're doing the wrong things, et cetera. 651 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 3: We got married when we were in our early twenties. 652 00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,480 Speaker 3: Everyone told us, you know, it's not going to last. 653 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 3: You know, we've went through so many different stages. We 654 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,520 Speaker 3: started a business when we were in our mid twenties. 655 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,640 Speaker 3: You quit my job, started a business. You know, Kat 656 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 3: came home from work and was working her own businesses 657 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 3: and things like that, and people are telling us financially security, 658 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,200 Speaker 3: you should be doing this, you should be doing that. So 659 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 3: we've been through a lot of that sort of judgment 660 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 3: and people looking at us thinking that we're crazy if 661 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 3: we don't know what we're doing. So I think that's 662 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,080 Speaker 3: built a bit of a strong foundation for coming into 663 00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 3: a bit of a linelight phase of our life now 664 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 3: where those sort of things don't phase us, and we've 665 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:30,720 Speaker 3: got a lot of morals and an outlook on life 666 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 3: that we don't, it's sort of it doesn't penetrate. Does 667 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:36,400 Speaker 3: that make sense? 668 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also think that you can see that 669 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 1: just through your family unit as well, and how strong 670 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,480 Speaker 1: you guys are like that when things are heading you're 671 00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: just all in it together, which I think doesn't often happen. 672 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 1: When people kind of blow up, it might just be 673 00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:53,240 Speaker 1: them individually and not their whole family. And so to 674 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:57,040 Speaker 1: see you guys kind of be so tight and how 675 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,560 Speaker 1: all these life experiences, I think if you hadn't had those, 676 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 1: all of that hate and all of the other stuff, 677 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:03,840 Speaker 1: Like I know, for me, I would just sit there 678 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 1: and bare my eyes out all the time if I 679 00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: hadn't had the life experiences that I'd have. So, you know, 680 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,920 Speaker 1: it feels like it kind of set us up for 681 00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: having people critique everything that you do. And obviously, you 682 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: guys then win in and launched your business Collade, which 683 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,760 Speaker 1: congratulations it's been I see it everywhere all over my 684 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: for you page all the time, and it's been so 685 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 1: cool to see the success of that and of your 686 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 1: family in general. And I would I would love to 687 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:35,160 Speaker 1: know what advice that you would have for I'm going 688 00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 1: to go two different groups of people. Firstly, for people 689 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 1: that are in the middle of addiction and are struggling 690 00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:49,000 Speaker 1: with that, what would you say to them. 691 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 3: It's hard because people that are in the middle of 692 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,080 Speaker 3: the middle of addiction probably unaware that they haven't is 693 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 3: have a problem. Well, what I would say is that 694 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 3: when you do get to a point where you do well, 695 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,120 Speaker 3: you do think that you have an issue, seize that 696 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 3: moment and don't let it pass and try and get 697 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:09,680 Speaker 3: help as soon as you can. Try and find someone 698 00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,040 Speaker 3: who has done what you want to do. Don't go 699 00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 3: to someone who who has lived a sheltered, proper life 700 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 3: and hasn't experienced that. I felt the most help that 701 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,000 Speaker 3: I got was when I went into the rooms of 702 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,799 Speaker 3: the fellowships and sat next to people who have been 703 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,759 Speaker 3: through exactly what I've been through, have felt the things 704 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,240 Speaker 3: that I've felt, have had the desires and the wants, 705 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 3: and all those in a turmoil that I've that I 706 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,080 Speaker 3: went through, and then have beat their addiction and now 707 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,799 Speaker 3: I'm living in complete sobriety and having a successful life 708 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,279 Speaker 3: with all the blessed things that come with that. Once 709 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 3: I sat in those rooms and listened to those people 710 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 3: and spotted all the similarities that I had with them, 711 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,960 Speaker 3: then I was open to getting the help that I needed. 712 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,120 Speaker 3: So yeah, I would say, just to seek out the 713 00:34:57,120 --> 00:35:00,680 Speaker 3: fellowships that respond to whatever addiction that you're in, and 714 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:04,440 Speaker 3: just do the work getting there, and do the work. 715 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,600 Speaker 3: Look for the similarities. Don't sit in those rooms and 716 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,520 Speaker 3: look forward the differences. Don't listen to their stories and go, oh, well, 717 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:13,920 Speaker 3: I never did that, I never injected that drug, or 718 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,080 Speaker 3: I never did that to my parents or etc. Listen 719 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,359 Speaker 3: to the similarities and when they tell their stories and go, hey, 720 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,399 Speaker 3: that sounds a little bit of what I was going 721 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 3: through or I've done that or I s felt like that, 722 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,759 Speaker 3: and grab onto those similarities and then just do the work. 723 00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,399 Speaker 3: Do exactly what they have done to get where they 724 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,239 Speaker 3: have because it's a system and it works, and you 725 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,759 Speaker 3: can have an amazing life if you can get through 726 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:37,880 Speaker 3: that and get through the work. 727 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 1: And you're obviously your evidence of that and your life 728 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,600 Speaker 1: is evidence of that, which is why I'm so thankful 729 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 1: that you're willing to tell the story, because I think 730 00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 1: you just stand as proof that if you can have 731 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,040 Speaker 1: those conversations and you can get to that point of 732 00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:56,440 Speaker 1: accepting I need to get help that things can change. 733 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: And the second group of people that would love for 734 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,240 Speaker 1: you to speak to is people that have loved ones 735 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,359 Speaker 1: that are struggling with addiction and they just don't know 736 00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:07,440 Speaker 1: what to do. They don't know what to say, they 737 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 1: don't know what would you say to them. 738 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 2: That's a really tough one because I still struggle with 739 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,280 Speaker 2: that myself, even though I've been through it myself. 740 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:22,480 Speaker 3: It's probably one of the hardest things that that you 741 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 3: have to deal with. So I would say to really 742 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 3: protect yourself because you can't do anything. Nothing, nothing you say, 743 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,799 Speaker 3: is going to make that person change. All you can 744 00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:40,719 Speaker 3: do is be in their life as much as you 745 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,880 Speaker 3: can to the point that it's not going to affect 746 00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:45,879 Speaker 3: your family and your well being. But then just put 747 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 3: up those boundaries and really look after yourself first, like 748 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,359 Speaker 3: be selfish in that situation and don't keep going back 749 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:57,200 Speaker 3: to get beaten down, because that person needs to make 750 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:00,399 Speaker 3: the decision and to get to help themselves. No matter 751 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 3: what you say, and no matter what you do, it's 752 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:05,440 Speaker 3: not gonna it's not going to help them. And then 753 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,399 Speaker 3: the second thing was just to maybe just to keep 754 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,640 Speaker 3: make sure that they know that when they are ready 755 00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:14,719 Speaker 3: or when they do come to the point that they 756 00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:18,040 Speaker 3: need help, that they can come to you and rely 757 00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,360 Speaker 3: on you to help them. 758 00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:22,520 Speaker 2: Get the help. That's probably all you can do. 759 00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 3: It it's pretty tough to have I loved one in 760 00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:29,319 Speaker 3: that situation. And they are also fellowships that actually help 761 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:35,200 Speaker 3: people who are children, spouses, friends of people in addiction. 762 00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:39,160 Speaker 3: So they have a specific program to help you deal 763 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:42,440 Speaker 3: with that situation. Because it sounds easy to stay just 764 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,080 Speaker 3: put up a barrier because you know, and don't let 765 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 3: them into your life or just protect yourself. But some 766 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,120 Speaker 3: people are in a situation where that that's just not possible. 767 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,000 Speaker 3: They have to be in the house, they have to 768 00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,680 Speaker 3: be in the marriage, or they have to be in 769 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,640 Speaker 3: the country, or you know, there's so many different situations 770 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,440 Speaker 3: where they just can't get out of that situation. So 771 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:04,799 Speaker 3: there are fellowships that deal with those specific situations, and 772 00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:08,560 Speaker 3: I'd just say this, go and go to those people. 773 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:10,960 Speaker 3: Go to those fellowships, and just the same as any 774 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:15,000 Speaker 3: other addiction fellowship, there's work to do in those because 775 00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:18,959 Speaker 3: it's tough. So if you really wanted to get the help, 776 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,719 Speaker 3: just get in there, get the work done, and you 777 00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:23,600 Speaker 3: can have an amazing life as well. 778 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's thank you for saying that. I 779 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,200 Speaker 1: think it's really important for people to hear. And I 780 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:32,040 Speaker 1: mean myself, I've got a lot of my very close 781 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 1: loved ones are struggling with addiction and have struggled with addiction, 782 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:39,000 Speaker 1: and I think it's really hard to step outside of 783 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,560 Speaker 1: like a superhero complex. To put it in a simple 784 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,239 Speaker 1: term of going like I have to be the one 785 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,440 Speaker 1: to save them. I have to like and you can't. 786 00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:48,799 Speaker 1: And I think everything that you've said and that really 787 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 1: sums it up of like, it wasn't anything else externally 788 00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 1: or any other people that made you make that decision 789 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,919 Speaker 1: to go and get so, but that had to come 790 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,800 Speaker 1: from you. And I think that's really helpful for people 791 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,479 Speaker 1: to know that they like their job is to be there, 792 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:08,440 Speaker 1: to love them, to point them in the right direction 793 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,840 Speaker 1: as much as their abilities allow them to, but that 794 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,319 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, that decision is with 795 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,560 Speaker 1: that person. And just to close out the last question 796 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,120 Speaker 1: that I want to ask you, I asked just everyone 797 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,560 Speaker 1: that comes on obviously this podcast is called Hope is Real, 798 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,240 Speaker 1: And I would love to know what the word hope 799 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:26,960 Speaker 1: means to you. 800 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 2: Oh, hope to me means that's a tough one. It's 801 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,040 Speaker 2: a really it's a good question whether there's. 802 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:40,439 Speaker 3: A tough one. 803 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:41,960 Speaker 2: Hope to me means. 804 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:52,440 Speaker 3: Never giving up and having the faith and confidencing yourself 805 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,640 Speaker 3: that you can do whatever you want with your life 806 00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:59,480 Speaker 3: and you can overcome whenever you want to overcome, and 807 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,920 Speaker 3: that you have of the power within you to be 808 00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,799 Speaker 3: the person that you want to be or that you 809 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:05,759 Speaker 3: aspire to be. 810 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,960 Speaker 1: I love that. That's really cool. Hey, thank you so 811 00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:10,719 Speaker 1: much for taking the time. I know that you guys 812 00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,040 Speaker 1: are so crazy busy at the moment with all the 813 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 1: twelve million things that you and your family are juggling, 814 00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:17,920 Speaker 1: So I really appreciate you taking the time to come 815 00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,400 Speaker 1: on and to chat through your story. And I know 816 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,879 Speaker 1: that it will inspire people, that it will encourage people. 817 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,000 Speaker 1: And I also think, just like I said, I know 818 00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:28,920 Speaker 1: that you'll have the same impact on other people that 819 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,200 Speaker 1: you have on me, even just meeting you and being 820 00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: around you and knowing that men can be good and 821 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: that fathers can be good, because I think that a 822 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,360 Speaker 1: lot of the time people can take that for granted 823 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,279 Speaker 1: because it's not what a lot of us grow up with. 824 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,480 Speaker 1: And so thank you for showing us that that can 825 00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,399 Speaker 1: be the case. And yeah, again, thank you for taking 826 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,080 Speaker 1: the time to come on. I really appreciate it. 827 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:51,239 Speaker 2: Thank you very much for having me. 828 00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,280 Speaker 1: Well that you have it, guys, thank you so much 829 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:57,400 Speaker 1: for staying and for listening to this episode. And like 830 00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:59,680 Speaker 1: I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if 831 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,399 Speaker 1: any thing in this episode that's been talked about has 832 00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 1: brought anything up for you, you feel like you need to 833 00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,680 Speaker 1: talk to someone, then please remember and know that the 834 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,400 Speaker 1: bravest thing that you can do right now is to 835 00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:13,200 Speaker 1: talk to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's 836 00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,839 Speaker 1: from a friend, a family member, or if you don't 837 00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,200 Speaker 1: know who to talk to, then if you live in Altiola, 838 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 1: here you can call or text one seven three seven 839 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,400 Speaker 1: at any time to talk to a trained counselor. Or 840 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,120 Speaker 1: if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub dot 841 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,319 Speaker 1: the Voices of Hope dot org for a list of 842 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,640 Speaker 1: international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is that 843 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,080 Speaker 1: you're facing, no matter what it is that you're going through, 844 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,920 Speaker 1: that in all things, hope is real and change is possible. 845 00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:40,239 Speaker 1: I'll see you guys next week.