WEBVTT - Dougal Sutherland: We can't stop our children doing stupid things 0:00:05.761 --> 0:00:09.641 You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News talksb 0:00:11.361 --> 0:00:18.441 stand Um, your brother, your bra. 0:00:27.521 --> 0:00:29.601 She's my sister, don't you. 0:00:32.601 --> 0:00:33.521 Will beleeve? 0:00:34.761 --> 0:00:38.081 Yes, welcome back. This is the Weekend Collective. That dismal 0:00:38.121 --> 0:00:40.601 piece of music was chosen by my next guest, whichween 0:00:41.361 --> 0:00:44.161 say that with the uh. I'd say that with my 0:00:44.481 --> 0:00:48.241 tongue slightly in my cheek. Anyway, this is the Weekend 0:00:48.281 --> 0:00:50.201 Collective and as you know, I like to let our 0:00:50.241 --> 0:00:52.961 guests choose a bit of our music, and which accounted 0:00:52.961 --> 0:00:54.521 for all the country music we had in the panel 0:00:54.521 --> 0:00:58.401 with Jenny Vernon and Paul Spoonley. And by the way, 0:00:58.441 --> 0:01:00.081 if you've missed any of our previous hours, we get 0:01:00.081 --> 0:01:01.881 them up online pretty quickly. Son, go and check them 0:01:01.881 --> 0:01:04.561 out on the News TALKSBI website or on iHeartRadio button. 0:01:04.641 --> 0:01:06.961 Right now, this is the parent Squad and we would 0:01:07.001 --> 0:01:10.841 have a chat about Okay, well you will have if 0:01:10.881 --> 0:01:13.601 you follow the news vaguely. You can't have missed the 0:01:13.721 --> 0:01:18.841 tragedy around the run It Straight game where a young 0:01:19.481 --> 0:01:23.561 man or On Sattathwait died after playing it in his backyard. 0:01:24.281 --> 0:01:27.201 And look, we're not going to dwell on that, but 0:01:27.361 --> 0:01:30.721 as we know, when you're a kid, you do things 0:01:30.761 --> 0:01:33.201 that maybe if you thought about it a couple of times, 0:01:33.201 --> 0:01:34.721 you wouldn't or if you thought a bit more about 0:01:34.721 --> 0:01:38.481 the consequences. And the question is, so, no matter how 0:01:38.681 --> 0:01:42.241 hard parents try, kids are always going to do unwise 0:01:42.401 --> 0:01:46.081 or dumb things. Is it possible to mitigate that risk? 0:01:46.601 --> 0:01:50.281 Is it something where parents can have a voice in 0:01:50.361 --> 0:01:53.561 stopping their kids or giving them that little voice in 0:01:53.601 --> 0:01:55.961 their head that goes, hang on, tim, do you really 0:01:55.961 --> 0:01:58.801 think you should do that? And how do you do 0:01:58.881 --> 0:02:01.281 that if you're a parent, But also if you're listening, 0:02:01.681 --> 0:02:03.481 what was the dumbest thing you ever did in your 0:02:03.561 --> 0:02:05.481 youth that you thought, you know what, I should have 0:02:05.481 --> 0:02:07.841 listened to my mum or my dad and I wouldn't 0:02:07.841 --> 0:02:09.441 have got myself in so much trouble. But I didn't, 0:02:09.441 --> 0:02:12.201 and I went ahead and did it anyway. And there 0:02:12.241 --> 0:02:15.481 we go. That's I'm luckily I'm still around to tell 0:02:15.521 --> 0:02:18.761 the tale, but to discuss that and other things. He 0:02:18.841 --> 0:02:22.401 is principal psychologist at Umbrella Well Being and as we know, 0:02:22.561 --> 0:02:25.801 has terrible taste of music. And his name is sorry, no, 0:02:25.801 --> 0:02:27.641 I'm just kidding. It's actually not a bad song. Google, 0:02:27.841 --> 0:02:29.521 It's just a way of just a way of loosening 0:02:29.601 --> 0:02:30.841 up for the show. How are you. 0:02:31.561 --> 0:02:34.841 Good, mate, I'm very good. I was just enjoying that 0:02:35.121 --> 0:02:37.001 lovely piece of music and the. 0:02:37.081 --> 0:02:38.161 House Martins, isn't it? 0:02:38.601 --> 0:02:38.801 Yeah? 0:02:38.801 --> 0:02:40.681 It is? Yeah, yeah, from way back in the day, 0:02:40.721 --> 0:02:42.481 back in the mid eighties. 0:02:42.521 --> 0:02:44.721 I think, I'm sure that's been covered a few times 0:02:44.761 --> 0:02:47.041 by different bands. I was thinking, I know that tune, 0:02:47.041 --> 0:02:47.921 but maybe. 0:02:47.681 --> 0:02:50.641 Yeah, it's not their original. They covered it off somebody 0:02:50.641 --> 0:02:52.401 else from the sixties and seventies. 0:02:52.481 --> 0:02:53.841 Yeah, that's yeah. Yeah. 0:02:53.921 --> 0:02:55.721 It was just big because they were all singing a 0:02:55.761 --> 0:02:57.681 cappella and it was like, oh my gosh, who's ever 0:02:57.721 --> 0:03:02.081 sung that before? This is nineteen eighty four, So yeah, no. 0:03:02.041 --> 0:03:04.281 Need to apologize for a terrible taste of music. 0:03:04.281 --> 0:03:05.041 It is. 0:03:06.441 --> 0:03:08.721 Hey. By the way, hey, this is completely trivial before 0:03:08.721 --> 0:03:10.921 we get into the If you ever want to have 0:03:10.961 --> 0:03:13.241 a bit of a laugh, there's a website called the 0:03:13.281 --> 0:03:16.761 Pudding dot com okay, and you can give it access 0:03:16.801 --> 0:03:21.441 temporarily to your Spotify and or your Apple Music or whatever, 0:03:21.521 --> 0:03:24.041 and it goes in and it looks at everything you're playing, 0:03:24.081 --> 0:03:26.441 and it basically just pulls you apart on your musical 0:03:26.521 --> 0:03:30.641 days I do it every now and again just to 0:03:30.681 --> 0:03:31.961 tell me how transic I am. 0:03:33.281 --> 0:03:35.641 Oh, that sounds that. That sounds like it sounds like 0:03:35.681 --> 0:03:37.281 something I'd have to have a bit of courage to do, 0:03:37.361 --> 0:03:41.081 because because I find myself getting very defensive over my music, 0:03:41.121 --> 0:03:41.521 I think. 0:03:41.801 --> 0:03:45.001 Oh, oh my god, I've really taken it backwards today. No, 0:03:45.081 --> 0:03:45.521 you have no. 0:03:45.641 --> 0:03:47.441 I think it was when I was When I was 0:03:47.481 --> 0:03:50.121 growing up in the eighties, there was a lot of 0:03:50.161 --> 0:03:53.041 militancy I think around music. You were you know, you 0:03:53.081 --> 0:03:55.201 were into this music, and if you were into this music, 0:03:55.241 --> 0:03:56.681 you couldn't be into that music. 0:03:57.921 --> 0:03:59.881 And a lot of it was political. It was tribal, it 0:03:59.961 --> 0:04:00.241 wasn't it. 0:04:00.321 --> 0:04:02.761 Yeah, yeah, it very much was. I can remember, you know, 0:04:02.801 --> 0:04:04.601 a lot of my kids at school, the kids at 0:04:05.081 --> 0:04:08.241 high school were into you know, sort of Bond Jovi 0:04:08.481 --> 0:04:11.521 and def Leppard and all those terrible hair metal bands, 0:04:12.281 --> 0:04:14.161 and then it was like, no, there's no way on 0:04:14.321 --> 0:04:16.921 listening to that, And it was it was very very tribal. 0:04:18.081 --> 0:04:20.321 And I think I've sort of grown up with that 0:04:20.321 --> 0:04:22.521 sort of sense of having to defend my honor or 0:04:22.641 --> 0:04:25.881 about about my musical choices. But I'm loosening up. I'm loosening, 0:04:26.001 --> 0:04:32.841 are you. I'm not sure, well a little bit. You 0:04:32.841 --> 0:04:36.401 should have seen me back in the day, really, were you? 0:04:36.481 --> 0:04:40.161 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, something to be a punk. 0:04:40.361 --> 0:04:42.001 I was too too young to be a punk, but 0:04:42.041 --> 0:04:45.361 more in that sort of new wave, you know, kind 0:04:45.401 --> 0:04:48.281 of the Smiths and very independent music and very this 0:04:48.401 --> 0:04:52.041 is amazing and we you know, give the big finger 0:04:52.121 --> 0:04:54.161 to the main stream and that kind of stuff. So 0:04:54.201 --> 0:04:56.521 it was that punk ethos but but but not not 0:04:56.601 --> 0:04:59.041 quite punk itself. But yeah, it was. 0:04:59.321 --> 0:05:02.481 You tell that with your parents to go dound to dinner, 0:05:02.521 --> 0:05:04.961 to the neighbors or something. Were you the child that 0:05:05.081 --> 0:05:07.881 your parents were like, oh, for goodness, please, dog, look, 0:05:07.881 --> 0:05:09.361 can you not wear that shirt? 0:05:11.081 --> 0:05:13.121 Look? I did turn into that, but later on one 0:05:13.161 --> 0:05:15.441 time it was actually one of the first times I 0:05:15.481 --> 0:05:18.001 meet my parents in law. I just had my hair 0:05:18.081 --> 0:05:23.241 cut really short and dyed bright orange, and possibly in retrospect, 0:05:23.281 --> 0:05:26.521 wasn't the best move, but there you go. I was 0:05:26.561 --> 0:05:28.201 only twenty or twenty two or something. 0:05:28.201 --> 0:05:30.001 Well, these the people who became your parents in law. 0:05:30.721 --> 0:05:34.841 Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, it was obviously got through 0:05:34.921 --> 0:05:39.641 that test, I'm assuming, Well, yeah, no, I got through 0:05:39.681 --> 0:05:41.081 the test. I got you know, it came out the 0:05:41.121 --> 0:05:43.481 other side. We've been happily married for almost thirty years. 0:05:43.481 --> 0:05:46.481 So yeah, thirty years. Next year. 0:05:46.601 --> 0:05:48.641 You got married when you were about eighteen. You look 0:05:48.641 --> 0:05:50.441 a young chap, look at you. 0:05:50.601 --> 0:05:54.201 Yeah, not quite early twenties. Twenty twenty three. 0:05:54.441 --> 0:05:56.681 I think twenty three were very bad to be given 0:05:56.761 --> 0:06:02.801 you twenty three plus quick arithmetic. 0:06:03.881 --> 0:06:06.001 Everybody knows that I was and that I was born 0:06:06.041 --> 0:06:07.681 young enough to be in the Dunedin long and in 0:06:07.761 --> 0:06:10.361 Judinal study, right, so everybody can figure that out. Remember 0:06:10.361 --> 0:06:11.121 we talked about. 0:06:10.881 --> 0:06:13.121 This, Yes, I love that that you're actually part of 0:06:13.121 --> 0:06:15.201 that study. Now, by the way, before we get into it, 0:06:15.241 --> 0:06:17.481 people are going, what's Google talking about? The dned and 0:06:17.521 --> 0:06:21.161 Longitudinal Study is a study where that which is very 0:06:21.201 --> 0:06:23.481 forward thinking because the people who see the benefits of 0:06:23.521 --> 0:06:25.761 the study, many of them probably wouldn't have lived to 0:06:25.761 --> 0:06:27.801 it the scientists who set it up. But it was 0:06:27.841 --> 0:06:30.881 basically tracking a whole lot of outcomes in about a 0:06:30.961 --> 0:06:33.201 thousand children's lives who are born at a certain time. 0:06:33.961 --> 0:06:36.601 You know what's happened in their lives, what's their health, 0:06:36.641 --> 0:06:38.801 what's their diet and all those sort of things, and 0:06:38.801 --> 0:06:40.161 where they are amazing isn't it. 0:06:40.281 --> 0:06:40.481 Yeah. 0:06:40.521 --> 0:06:43.201 Oh, it's one of the longest, not only one of 0:06:43.241 --> 0:06:45.441 the longest running studies in the world, but also one 0:06:45.481 --> 0:06:48.881 of the studies that's kept something like ninety percent of 0:06:48.881 --> 0:06:52.281 its original participants, which is one of its major achievements. 0:06:52.361 --> 0:06:54.241 So yeah, we got followed up every two or three 0:06:54.361 --> 0:06:56.881 years and we're still being followed up. I went back 0:06:57.201 --> 0:07:01.121 last year, although now they're calling it the aging study, 0:07:01.161 --> 0:07:02.721 not the developmental. 0:07:02.641 --> 0:07:06.441 Just like god that there's not something you needed to 0:07:06.481 --> 0:07:09.081 be told, is it? Ah, that's brutal. 0:07:09.441 --> 0:07:09.681 I know. 0:07:11.281 --> 0:07:12.521 The Aging Study, high doogle? 0:07:15.561 --> 0:07:17.281 I know it's like, oh, is that where I've got 0:07:17.281 --> 0:07:19.561 to in life? But I just got to own it. 0:07:19.601 --> 0:07:21.041 I am getting older and that's okay. 0:07:21.081 --> 0:07:23.201 Good on you. Okay, what's the dumbest thing you did 0:07:23.241 --> 0:07:25.161 as a kid and could your parents have stopped it? 0:07:26.041 --> 0:07:28.761 I was thinking about that. The dumbest thing I can 0:07:28.801 --> 0:07:30.881 remember that springs to mind. There was a group of us. 0:07:31.081 --> 0:07:33.721 We were wandering around Dunedin's streets and we wanted to 0:07:33.721 --> 0:07:36.361 get from one place to another. Rather than go over 0:07:36.361 --> 0:07:38.201 the hill, we went through a train tunnel and the 0:07:38.241 --> 0:07:41.081 train tunnel was alive. You know, there were trains going 0:07:41.121 --> 0:07:44.721 through the tunnel, and so we just bowled through, and 0:07:44.761 --> 0:07:46.721 that we were having all these debates about, oh, if 0:07:46.761 --> 0:07:48.401 you get stuck in a train tunnel, you've got to 0:07:48.401 --> 0:07:52.001 push yourself against the wall because the train sucks you under. Oh, 0:07:52.161 --> 0:07:55.721 freaking each other out. Could my appearance have stopped me? 0:07:57.241 --> 0:08:01.081 But probably not. But you know, I could feel inside, 0:08:01.121 --> 0:08:03.521 I could feel that horrible sort of sense of this 0:08:03.681 --> 0:08:05.841 is not right, this is not right, this is not right. 0:08:06.041 --> 0:08:08.201 I did it anyway, I didn't. I didn't love it, 0:08:08.241 --> 0:08:09.921 I must say, but it was pretty freaky. 0:08:10.481 --> 0:08:14.081 Yeah, Because I'm wondering if the reason we put this 0:08:14.161 --> 0:08:16.401 in for a discussion is because well, obviously we've seen 0:08:16.441 --> 0:08:20.041 the tragic events that told and I actually I would 0:08:20.161 --> 0:08:22.961 rather we launched off another news story, but it is 0:08:22.961 --> 0:08:25.561 in the media about people doing unwise things, because it just, 0:08:25.921 --> 0:08:30.441 you know, I just have nothing, but you know, deepest 0:08:30.441 --> 0:08:34.601 sympathies to the family, satisfay, and so let's push that 0:08:34.641 --> 0:08:36.801 to one side, because I can think of dumb things 0:08:36.841 --> 0:08:39.561 I did where in fact that I'll be honest, the 0:08:39.641 --> 0:08:42.921 dumbest thing I did was, you know, I was on 0:08:43.001 --> 0:08:46.281 an age of my traveling for a sports tournament. I 0:08:46.281 --> 0:08:48.001 think when I was seventeen, and my parents let me 0:08:48.041 --> 0:08:50.801 have the car and I just with and I was 0:08:50.881 --> 0:08:55.441 driving friends and I just drove way too fast and 0:08:56.241 --> 0:08:58.201 I look at a particular corner I went round, and 0:08:58.201 --> 0:08:59.841 if there'd been a truck coming the other way, we 0:08:59.881 --> 0:09:04.161 wouldn't be here because I'd underestimated it. I wasn't following 0:09:04.201 --> 0:09:06.161 the law properly, and I was lucky to get away 0:09:06.161 --> 0:09:11.361 with it. And that's the stuff that I think terrifies. Yes, cars, 0:09:11.641 --> 0:09:14.281 I mean they are death machines if you do if 0:09:14.281 --> 0:09:15.281 you make the wrong decision. 0:09:15.801 --> 0:09:18.121 Yeah, absolutely. I think there's so many things, and it's 0:09:18.161 --> 0:09:21.321 that teenage years, isn't it too, The chasing of the adrenaline, 0:09:20.961 --> 0:09:25.121 the wanting to do something that's crazy, and the importance 0:09:25.161 --> 0:09:27.401 of your friends. I think too, that's that sense of 0:09:27.441 --> 0:09:30.441 really strong peer pressure in your teenage years. I mean 0:09:30.441 --> 0:09:32.881 that was my example when I talked about my example 0:09:32.881 --> 0:09:36.201 of going through the train tunnel. Everybody else was going 0:09:36.281 --> 0:09:39.641 to do it, so I could not do it. So yeah, 0:09:39.721 --> 0:09:43.401 very much that sense of peer pressure. Felt super uncomfortable 0:09:43.401 --> 0:09:45.201 about it, and that could have ended up quite tragically. 0:09:45.201 --> 0:09:47.281 For there was about half a dozen of us said 0:09:47.481 --> 0:09:51.681 I think there, so yeah, it's it's it's a it's 0:09:51.721 --> 0:09:53.081 a really tricky time. I think. 0:09:53.241 --> 0:09:56.761 I think, well, actually, I think through our initial discussion, 0:09:56.921 --> 0:09:58.841 there is a different way to frame that question. I mean, 0:09:58.921 --> 0:10:01.161 it's it's an easy one to say, how do you 0:10:01.201 --> 0:10:03.481 stop your kids doing dumb stuff? But I think the 0:10:04.001 --> 0:10:09.001 bigger question is possibly because I don't think kids do necessarily, 0:10:09.001 --> 0:10:12.401 I don't think they genuinely do generally do dumb things 0:10:12.441 --> 0:10:16.281 in isolation, I think is the question better framed is 0:10:16.801 --> 0:10:20.561 how do you compete with the influence of your children's peers? 0:10:20.881 --> 0:10:23.601 Yeah? Nice, Yeah, I agree. I think it's partly how 0:10:23.601 --> 0:10:25.521 do you overcome that and also how do you get 0:10:25.521 --> 0:10:28.481 them to listen to that their conscience for one of 0:10:28.521 --> 0:10:31.001 a better term insight, because I knew when I was 0:10:31.041 --> 0:10:33.161 walking through that train tunnel that wasn't the right thing 0:10:33.201 --> 0:10:36.881 to do, but I wasn't brave enough to be honest, 0:10:36.921 --> 0:10:38.481 I wasn't to be able to stand up and say, oh, 0:10:38.481 --> 0:10:41.601 this is stupid, guys, I'm not going to do it. So, yeah, 0:10:41.601 --> 0:10:45.441 competing with the peer influence, listening, listening to that wise 0:10:45.601 --> 0:10:47.601 in a voice that we all have at some point, 0:10:47.921 --> 0:10:50.161 and raising kids so that they can actually stand up 0:10:50.201 --> 0:10:51.841 to that and say no, this doesn't feel right to me, 0:10:51.881 --> 0:10:52.601 I'm not going to do it. 0:10:53.081 --> 0:10:57.401 Yeah, because I think. I mean, I guess it is 0:10:57.481 --> 0:10:59.441 about how you help your kids. 0:11:00.201 --> 0:11:00.521 I mean it. 0:11:00.521 --> 0:11:02.641 Always comes back to this as well. It's not what 0:11:02.721 --> 0:11:05.001 you do right then when they're confronted with a peer 0:11:05.161 --> 0:11:08.401 group that are a little challenging, I guess it's how 0:11:08.441 --> 0:11:11.801 do you Is it about giving them the confidence that 0:11:11.841 --> 0:11:14.241 they don't need the affirmation of that peer group all 0:11:14.241 --> 0:11:17.401 the time of now, I mean, how do you do 0:11:17.561 --> 0:11:17.721 or that? 0:11:18.321 --> 0:11:21.041 Yeah, look, I think so. I think it's that sense 0:11:21.121 --> 0:11:25.481 of self confidence or being comfortable, being able to stand 0:11:25.561 --> 0:11:27.641 up and say, hey, look that I don't feel okay 0:11:27.641 --> 0:11:31.001 about that. But that is a huge thing for a 0:11:31.001 --> 0:11:33.881 teenager to do when a teenager is typically searching for, 0:11:34.321 --> 0:11:37.441 you know, for friendship and recognition and belonging and gosh, 0:11:37.481 --> 0:11:40.241 if I say this, I might you know, I might 0:11:40.281 --> 0:11:41.281 be thrown out of the group. 0:11:41.441 --> 0:11:44.521 And that it's that age where it is part of 0:11:44.521 --> 0:11:47.121 their evolution as human beings that there's a natural pulling 0:11:47.121 --> 0:11:48.441 away from their parents. 0:11:48.601 --> 0:11:51.721 Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent absolutely, And the seeking of 0:11:51.761 --> 0:11:55.121 adrenaline and thrills and not being very good at forecasting 0:11:55.161 --> 0:11:58.561 long term consequences either because your brain is still developing, 0:11:59.761 --> 0:12:02.481 so it's really battling against a whole lot of things. 0:12:02.521 --> 0:12:04.561 I don't think it's impossible, but I think it is hard. 0:12:05.361 --> 0:12:07.641 Look, we love your calls on this. I mean, look, 0:12:07.641 --> 0:12:09.001 if you wanted to share with us a story, I 0:12:09.041 --> 0:12:12.481 think sometimes if there's nothing better than sometimes hearing about 0:12:13.201 --> 0:12:16.281 bad mistakes of others, because in fact, is that one 0:12:16.281 --> 0:12:21.041 of the is that one of the sort of approaches 0:12:21.081 --> 0:12:24.801 to take is that to share with your kids the 0:12:24.841 --> 0:12:27.921 bad mistakes you've made, or stories stories of whoa I mean, 0:12:27.961 --> 0:12:30.801 I keep on thinking of, you know, going back far enough. 0:12:31.041 --> 0:12:35.241 The brother's grim fairy tales were written, I think one 0:12:35.441 --> 0:12:38.041 to freak people out just for entertainment, but I think 0:12:38.121 --> 0:12:41.001 as well, they all had a message about stranger danger 0:12:41.161 --> 0:12:43.721 or don't do this, or the boy who cried wolf 0:12:43.761 --> 0:12:47.681 and because he actually doesn't get to that kid despite 0:12:47.681 --> 0:12:50.041 what Disney does with it, that kid gets eaten by 0:12:50.041 --> 0:12:50.441 the wolf. 0:12:51.681 --> 0:12:57.361 They're not that they are grim those I was listening 0:12:57.361 --> 0:12:59.721 to a podcast about it, and their explanation was that 0:12:59.761 --> 0:13:02.681 they were collecting those tales to establish sort of some 0:13:02.961 --> 0:13:06.081 element of what is common law and our society, what's 0:13:06.121 --> 0:13:11.321 the common understanding? And the tales were were we're folklore 0:13:11.361 --> 0:13:15.281 about representing those sort of basic fundamental principles of law 0:13:15.401 --> 0:13:18.161 and society before it was written down, which was quite 0:13:18.161 --> 0:13:19.401 an interesting take on it. 0:13:19.561 --> 0:13:21.361 But yeah, I know we've digressed a bit. But if 0:13:21.361 --> 0:13:24.321 you won't want to google the original Brothers Grimm's fairy tale, 0:13:24.441 --> 0:13:28.001 brace yourself because it's you know, I mean, it makes 0:13:28.041 --> 0:13:30.241 Tarantino a lot pretty harmless, doesn't it? 0:13:30.921 --> 0:13:33.561 Even Hansel and Gretel. You know, it's like, jeez, leuis 0:13:33.601 --> 0:13:35.401 what the heck were they doing? Oh? He was being 0:13:35.481 --> 0:13:37.601 kept in a cage so he could be cooked in 0:13:37.601 --> 0:13:41.081 an oven. What are we telling our kids? No? 0:13:41.241 --> 0:13:43.961 And then they tempt the witch into the oven, I think, 0:13:44.521 --> 0:13:48.721 and they shut the door and she gets she gets cooked. 0:13:50.761 --> 0:13:53.801 Anyway, And sleep tight, darling, because I won't have any 0:13:53.841 --> 0:13:54.721 bad dreams now. 0:13:56.401 --> 0:13:59.121 It's actually gosh, there's so many questions that are coming 0:13:59.121 --> 0:14:04.041 out of this. But how, I mean, how do you 0:14:04.241 --> 0:14:06.481 get your kids to just have that little voice that 0:14:06.561 --> 0:14:11.121 does make them think twice? There's a joke that exists 0:14:11.161 --> 0:14:15.321 in our family now. There's a family friend of my 0:14:15.361 --> 0:14:18.201 wife's family, and the running gag is because when I 0:14:18.241 --> 0:14:21.681 get together, we sometimes have a have a you know, 0:14:21.721 --> 0:14:22.961 in the evening, we have a chat, we have a 0:14:22.961 --> 0:14:26.881 whiskey or something, and because the conversation always flows, I'm 0:14:27.121 --> 0:14:29.841 maybe have another whiskey and then another one. And I 0:14:30.241 --> 0:14:33.521 jokingly have nicknamed him as Bad Goofy because you might 0:14:33.561 --> 0:14:36.441 remember that the Disney there was Good Goofy and Bad Goofy, 0:14:36.761 --> 0:14:38.881 and Goofy would have come up, Goofy would have that 0:14:38.921 --> 0:14:41.361 moment where something would happen. There'd be Good Goofy on 0:14:41.401 --> 0:14:44.721 his shoulder, going, oh, Goofy, don't do this, because this 0:14:44.841 --> 0:14:46.841 is what will happen if you do this, and everyone 0:14:46.881 --> 0:14:49.001 will be angry with you and you'd be a good person. 0:14:49.041 --> 0:14:52.081 Then Bad Goofy was going, come on, give it a go. 0:14:54.521 --> 0:14:56.881 It's that attraction and the teenage years, isn't it to 0:14:56.961 --> 0:14:59.081 doing that kind of the band stuff, the stuff that 0:14:59.121 --> 0:15:02.001 your parents say no, don't do, I think you can 0:15:02.081 --> 0:15:04.641 be two. Parents can be too strict, and that actually 0:15:04.681 --> 0:15:09.161 push kids into doing more antisocial stuff. If they're really, really, 0:15:09.201 --> 0:15:11.681 really staunched with the rules, you can get the whole 0:15:11.721 --> 0:15:15.961 reverse effect by pushing kids much closer towards that. So 0:15:16.241 --> 0:15:18.881 it's a real going back to brother's grim, it's a 0:15:18.881 --> 0:15:21.801 real goldily locked sort of area. Not be too soft 0:15:21.841 --> 0:15:22.681 and not be too hard. 0:15:22.921 --> 0:15:24.841 Well, I think that ties into I mean, there's so 0:15:24.881 --> 0:15:27.481 many themes that ties into, doesn't it. But I would 0:15:27.521 --> 0:15:30.441 have thought that, actually, that's that's one of the big ones. 0:15:30.481 --> 0:15:32.841 In fact, if you are one of those parents who 0:15:32.921 --> 0:15:36.081 are becoming more and more authoritative, you are pushing your 0:15:36.121 --> 0:15:39.401 children into a situation where they are going to be yep, 0:15:39.721 --> 0:15:41.881 that mum and dad can get stuffed. I'm doing this 0:15:42.121 --> 0:15:44.881 one to assert my independence. Yeah two, but I'm not 0:15:44.921 --> 0:15:47.161 thinking of the consequences because it's all about you, mum 0:15:47.161 --> 0:15:48.881 and dad, and I'm going to make my own decision. 0:15:49.321 --> 0:15:52.241 Yeah, absolutely, yep, yep, one hundred percent. And at the 0:15:52.241 --> 0:15:53.881 other end, if your two lacks, if your kids are 0:15:53.921 --> 0:15:56.241 roaming around the streets at whatever are and you don't care, 0:15:56.281 --> 0:16:00.121 it's like, well, no, gee, surprise, surprise, they've gotten into trouble. So, 0:16:00.801 --> 0:16:04.081 you know, parenting teens are such a delicate balancing act, 0:16:04.121 --> 0:16:08.241 I think, and nobody gets it right. And you know, 0:16:08.281 --> 0:16:10.681 as we mentioned earlier, battling against a whole lot of 0:16:11.081 --> 0:16:14.881 natural kind of developmental things as well. So it's super hard, 0:16:14.961 --> 0:16:15.561 super hard. 0:16:16.721 --> 0:16:19.041 We want your cause on this eight hundred and eight 0:16:19.321 --> 0:16:21.521 text nine two nine time. We've got one text here 0:16:21.681 --> 0:16:23.601 just before we go to the break about how do 0:16:23.681 --> 0:16:26.081 you stop your kids making Okay, I'm not going to 0:16:26.081 --> 0:16:28.121 put it in a trivialized way, how do you stop 0:16:28.121 --> 0:16:31.801 your kids doing really dangerous stuff that can really either 0:16:33.001 --> 0:16:36.641 affect their lives in the ultimate Neggard way that they 0:16:36.721 --> 0:16:39.521 lose theirs or that they end up making a bad 0:16:39.521 --> 0:16:41.161 decision that affects them for the rest of their lives. 0:16:41.201 --> 0:16:43.561 Because they've got a text here that says we were 0:16:43.601 --> 0:16:47.401 obviously taught not to drunk, a drive drunk or tired, 0:16:47.401 --> 0:16:50.921 et cetera. But one year our school brought home brought 0:16:50.961 --> 0:16:52.761 in a woman in her mid twenties who'd been a 0:16:52.761 --> 0:16:56.441 successful businesswoman before falling asleep at the wheel and is 0:16:56.481 --> 0:16:58.881 now severely disabled. She spoke to us about her life 0:16:58.881 --> 0:17:01.641 before and her life now, and showed us photos of 0:17:01.681 --> 0:17:04.361 her in hospital in the crash, and we were all 0:17:04.441 --> 0:17:08.121 very responsible drivers after that. They I mean, as are 0:17:08.161 --> 0:17:13.401 those actually those are real life stories? Yeah? Do they resonate? 0:17:14.881 --> 0:17:15.041 Well? 0:17:15.081 --> 0:17:16.841 I think they might. 0:17:17.241 --> 0:17:19.881 I think it depends who's telling them, So that might 0:17:20.001 --> 0:17:22.241 have been a really nice example of somebody who's just 0:17:22.281 --> 0:17:24.681 that slight bit older who would be seen as a 0:17:24.761 --> 0:17:28.001 role model by teenagers, whereas if it was their parents, 0:17:28.041 --> 0:17:31.961 they're unlikely to buy into that. So I think getting 0:17:31.961 --> 0:17:34.721 the right and that can that might be really useful. 0:17:34.761 --> 0:17:37.361 Thing is is your team as you a young person, 0:17:37.441 --> 0:17:39.921 do they have some friends who are slightly older who 0:17:40.001 --> 0:17:43.001 are just that slight bit more responsible? And that might 0:17:43.081 --> 0:17:45.681 be from a community group or a sports club or 0:17:45.721 --> 0:17:47.921 a church group or something like that, But just that 0:17:48.441 --> 0:17:50.841 is there somebody that they will listen to because they're 0:17:50.841 --> 0:17:52.321 not going to listen to you as parents? 0:17:52.401 --> 0:17:55.081 Probably right? We love your cause on this. Also, what 0:17:55.161 --> 0:17:56.801 was the dumbest thing you ever did? And do you? 0:17:57.081 --> 0:17:59.121 I mean? Is it? Is it a case of trying 0:17:59.121 --> 0:18:02.041 to pass your lessons on to your kids by saying, 0:18:02.041 --> 0:18:04.081 look I tried this and this is what happened and 0:18:04.121 --> 0:18:07.241 hopefully it sinks that way. I eight hundred eighty ten 0:18:07.281 --> 0:18:11.281 eighty text nine to my guest is Google Sutherland from 0:18:11.521 --> 0:18:14.121 Umbrella Well Being and we'll be back in just a moment. 0:18:14.201 --> 0:18:16.281 News Talk they'd be yes, News Talk said be that's 0:18:16.321 --> 0:18:18.281 the parents squad with Google Southerland talking about how do 0:18:18.281 --> 0:18:20.681 you stop kids doing dumb things I eight hundred eighty 0:18:20.721 --> 0:18:22.521 ten eight or sharing your story about the dumb thing 0:18:22.561 --> 0:18:24.841 you did and what might have changed it for you 0:18:25.841 --> 0:18:28.441 and yeah, let's take your cause. Dean Hello. 0:18:30.121 --> 0:18:32.881 Yeah, yeah, it just strikes me as a little bit 0:18:33.641 --> 0:18:36.321 crazy that people don't let their kids grow up with 0:18:36.441 --> 0:18:39.201 them and learn from the sort of silly things that 0:18:39.321 --> 0:18:41.241 you do do in your life. They sort of tend 0:18:41.321 --> 0:18:43.681 to try and I don't hide it. 0:18:44.121 --> 0:18:46.681 Do you mean parents who don't like to admit the 0:18:46.761 --> 0:18:49.121 stupid things that yeah. 0:18:49.201 --> 0:18:51.481 Yeah, yeah, and they don't actually have their kids around them. 0:18:51.521 --> 0:18:53.361 A lot a lot of people actually ship them out 0:18:53.441 --> 0:18:55.441 too much. You know, our kids have always wanted to 0:18:55.521 --> 0:18:59.041 come home and pull whatever whatever it is, you know, 0:18:59.161 --> 0:19:00.681 on the weekends and that sort of thing. They were 0:19:00.721 --> 0:19:04.401 all grown up now, but yeah, they know it was 0:19:04.441 --> 0:19:06.521 stupid thing or even done in my life. I mean, 0:19:07.361 --> 0:19:09.201 you know, you sort of hope that the hope that 0:19:09.241 --> 0:19:13.001 they can bloody loan that way. I think people, I think. 0:19:12.881 --> 0:19:14.881