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Speaker 1: You're listening to the Saturday Morning with Jack Teams podcast

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Speaker 1: from News Talks at be.

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Speaker 2: Time to catch up with our clinical psychologist, Doogle. Sutherland

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Speaker 2: is with us this morning.

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Speaker 3: Kild A, Good morning, Cure, Good morning Jack.

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Speaker 1: How are you.

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Speaker 2: I'm very well, thank you. I think you and I

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Speaker 2: have a few things in common at the moment in

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Speaker 2: that both of our families are going through some big

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Speaker 2: life changes.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, yes. I was thinking about this this week and

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Speaker 3: about how you've got an impending arrival and we had

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Speaker 3: our first grandchild arrived into our family just before just

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Speaker 3: before New Year actually, which which is pretty cool.

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Speaker 2: Congratulations, Thank you, thank you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's still getting my head around that. And then

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Speaker 3: I'm also getting my head round the fact that our

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Speaker 3: younger daughter is we're taking her up to Auckland this

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Speaker 3: weekend actually to start at UNI. And yeah, it's a

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Speaker 3: very you know, those big phases of family life are

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Speaker 3: quite big mark as I think for any family need

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Speaker 3: to go through.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny because they can. I mean, there are

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Speaker 2: some obvious upsides and reasons for celebration and all of that,

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Speaker 2: but when you go through change, especially when you've been

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Speaker 2: in a family that has you know, kind of had

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Speaker 2: consistency or not necessarily routine, but you know, you've kind

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Speaker 2: of the shape of a family has been you know,

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Speaker 2: a certain way for a while. It can be a

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Speaker 2: little bit upset unsettling.

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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, absolutely, And actually I really like that term,

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Speaker 3: that shape of the family, because you're right, it changes

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Speaker 3: and it morphs. And I often think about it too,

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Speaker 3: like a bit of a metaphor springs to mind for me.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's about, you know, a ship setting out to

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Speaker 3: see and setting off on a voyage and you're kind

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Speaker 3: of into uncharted territory. Yeah, you know, and you're not

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Speaker 3: quite sure where you're going. You've never been here before.

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Speaker 3: And there's lots of people that have been on similar

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Speaker 3: journeys and who could give you all the advice that

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Speaker 3: you'll you know, they want to, but it's not quite

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Speaker 3: the same as doing it in your own journey, and

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Speaker 3: it's uncharted waters, and it can be quite disruptive for

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Speaker 3: people just just you know, not in a just more

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Speaker 3: in a sort of a subtle, ongoing way rather necessarily

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Speaker 3: than one huge, big thing. But yeah, it can be

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Speaker 3: really unsettling for families.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, you've got some really useful practical tips for

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Speaker 2: just managing the immediacy of those big life changes. Then

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Speaker 2: why don't you run us through them?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Sure, So look, I was thinking about what would

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Speaker 3: I say if somebody said, what are your three three

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Speaker 3: tops tips? So I'm trying to narrow them down to three.

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Speaker 3: So firstly, and actually you're I think you were talking

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Speaker 3: a little bit about this last week about how you're

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Speaker 3: a man that likes sort of routine and pattern and

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Speaker 3: you know, likes to do the same thing, you know,

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Speaker 3: have your coffee the same way, And I think you

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Speaker 3: know there's something in that about having some really nice

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Speaker 3: rhythms to your day, having some things that you know,

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Speaker 3: I sort of like tenthole that will help keep you stable.

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Speaker 3: So whether that's whether that's you know, going to the

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Speaker 3: gym every day or most days, or whether that's having

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Speaker 3: meals at a particular time or you know, family meals,

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Speaker 3: but just some some rhythms that happen throughout your day

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Speaker 3: most days, if not all days, that just keep you grounded.

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Speaker 3: They keep you coming back and when everything else can

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Speaker 3: send chaotic or turbulent, these are the things that can

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Speaker 3: help just give life a bit of shape and a

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Speaker 3: bit of sense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a touchstow eh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's a good way I'm thinking about it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So that's number one. Number two would be

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Speaker 3: as much as possible, And obviously this is this is

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Speaker 3: more difficult if you've got a new baby just about

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Speaker 3: to arrive. But keeping those bookends of your day reasonably consistent,

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Speaker 3: you know, getting up at roughly the same time and

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Speaker 3: going to bed at roughly the same time. This sounds like,

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Speaker 3: this sounds you know, in some ways, I think people

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Speaker 3: can overlook how the sounds simple, and I think people

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Speaker 3: can overlook how that how simple but effective it is.

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Speaker 3: You know, have a lieon sure sometimes and you know

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Speaker 3: people have late nights, all good. But keeping that sort

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Speaker 3: of those book ends of the day, the start and

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Speaker 3: the end reasonably fixed as much as you can, I think,

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Speaker 3: really help keep stability. If we go back to that

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Speaker 3: metaphor of the ship, it helps the ship keep sailing smoothly,

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Speaker 3: or at least as smoothly as it can when things

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Speaker 3: get a bit when the weather gets a bit still.

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Speaker 2: Yeah nice, And what's your thod tip?

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Speaker 3: Third one is really around our relationships without with each other,

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Speaker 3: that that you know, these times of family change when

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Speaker 3: when you're the shape of your family is changing, can

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Speaker 3: can result in, you know, some tension and some a

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Speaker 3: little bit of friction from time to time, whether that's

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Speaker 3: because you've disrupted, you know, you're down on sleep, or

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Speaker 3: whether they're just not feeling quite right. And so practicing

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Speaker 3: forgiveness practice, assuming that the other people that you're talking

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Speaker 3: to are engaging with come from a place, from a

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Speaker 3: good place, They've got a good intentions. They're not out

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Speaker 3: to deliberately muck things up or say things to hurt you.

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Speaker 3: But they But we when we're under stress, we all

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Speaker 3: kind of can do or say things that we wish

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Speaker 3: we hadn't. And so adopting that stance going in and saying, actually,

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Speaker 3: let's just forgive each other and practice forgiving as much

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Speaker 3: as we can so that those so that you avoid

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Speaker 3: that sort of layer. It's almost like pancakes on a

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Speaker 3: plate can layer up and up and up. So it's

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Speaker 3: about forgiving and getting those pancakes off the plate.

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Speaker 2: Hey, look, I'm always one for getting pancakes off a plate.

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Speaker 3: You know me.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely No, that's such good advice. And thank you, good

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Speaker 2: good luck for the trip to the nine and for

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Speaker 2: the speed change and hopefully if you've got a bit

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Speaker 2: of the empty nester vibes, then hopefully you can make

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Speaker 2: that up with your new grand and you know one

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Speaker 2: will last sit the other.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Look, thanks Jack, and good luck for your impending

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Speaker 3: arrival too. It's goes really well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much, Dogle Google subtlan from Umbrella

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Speaker 2: Well Being.

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Speaker 1: Then, for more from Saturday Morning with Jack Tame, listen

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Speaker 1: live to News Talks ed B from nine am Saturday,

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Speaker 1: or follow the podcast on iHeartRadio