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Speaker 1: The ziti In podcast Network.

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Speaker 2: It took me.

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Speaker 3: A while to realize that I wasn't happy, and I

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Speaker 3: was very blind to that. He looked at me and

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Speaker 3: he said, one more time. Let's just try one more time.

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Speaker 3: It's not always going to be this way, and you

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Speaker 3: have to stick around to see that through.

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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome back to another episode of Hope Is Real,

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Speaker 1: the podcast. The podcast designed to help you feel a

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Speaker 1: little less alone, a bit more inspired, and of course

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Speaker 1: a lot more hopeful. Now, today's guest is one that

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Speaker 1: I know that I always say this that I'm very

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Speaker 1: excited about it, but it's because it's very true, and

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Speaker 1: I'm very excited about every single guest, but this one.

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Speaker 1: This person is one of my closest friends. It's someone

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Speaker 1: that I met on TikTok. If you're on TikTok, you've

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Speaker 1: probably seen this person before. Anna Muller. Anna's story went

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Speaker 1: viral last year. I think it was a story of

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Speaker 1: a paramedic that saved Anna's life when they were struggling

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Speaker 1: at their worst kind of point, at the point of

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Speaker 1: not wanting to be here anymore. And it tells the

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Speaker 1: crazy story that led up to that moment and everything

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Speaker 1: that has happened since Anna went through a divorce, got

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Speaker 1: diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and then decided to share all

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Speaker 1: of these struggles publicly in order to try and help people.

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Speaker 1: And Anna, like I said, is one of one of

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Speaker 1: my best friends at someone that I met on on

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Speaker 1: social media, which I know don't talk to strangers on

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Speaker 1: social media, but this is one that worked out. We've

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Speaker 1: been able to travel together. We have a thing of

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Speaker 1: going to horror nights on Halloween. I don't know why,

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Speaker 1: I'm terrified at all times, but we do it and

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Speaker 1: we're going again this year, of course. But this episode

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Speaker 1: is one that Anna is so raw and is so

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Speaker 1: real about the struggles that they faced, everything that they

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Speaker 1: went through, and also just the reality of what it

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Speaker 1: is to live with mental illness, to live in a

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Speaker 1: survival mechanism, to live kind of constantly on edge. But

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Speaker 1: the bravery that Anna has shown the ability to tell

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Speaker 1: the story in such a beautiful and meaningful way. And

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Speaker 1: I will, of course, as always, put a trigger warning

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Speaker 1: on this episode. Anna does talk about suicide attempts by

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Speaker 1: Paula and all of that kind of thing, So please,

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Speaker 1: as always, if you need to take a break, come

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Speaker 1: back to it, call it text to help line, a friend,

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Speaker 1: a family member. You are not in this alone, but

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Speaker 1: Anna's story is coming up right after this. Anna, Welcome

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Speaker 1: to Hope It through the podcast. Oh my goodness, it

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Speaker 1: has been a minute. We've been trying to get you

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Speaker 1: on since season one and then season two, and now

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Speaker 1: here we are season three.

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Speaker 2: And you'll meet it only two seasons later. But we

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Speaker 2: met it will.

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Speaker 1: I think our calendars just consistently we're clashing.

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Speaker 2: But I know they were just like we're not working together.

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Speaker 1: But I'm glad that this is happening now because we

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Speaker 1: can talk about before I get into literally anything else

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Speaker 1: in this episode. Major news. You have a ring on

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Speaker 1: your finger. You are engaged. Yeah, yeah, what the heck?

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Speaker 1: I need to tell everybody because I think that Cameron

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Speaker 1: has set like a standard that everyone should be following

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Speaker 1: to the point that he messaged me asking for permission,

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Speaker 1: like me, your friend on the other side of the world,

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Speaker 1: asking for permission and being like I assume you're okay

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Speaker 1: with this, Like if I propose to Anna, and I'm like, yes, yes.

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Speaker 1: It was the hardest secret I've had to keep, Like

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Speaker 1: I just, oh my goodness. But we will talk about

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Speaker 1: that soon because I've got so many questions and there's

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Speaker 1: so many stories that will go into it. But first

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Speaker 1: of all, let's just literally start all the way back

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Speaker 1: to where we met. Social media it's a big thing.

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Speaker 1: And I remember starting to see you on my TikTok

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Speaker 1: and being like this person's cool and following you. But

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Speaker 1: you had seen girl on the bridge before social media, right, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Before I was even online, Like I was not doing

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Speaker 3: anything online.

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Speaker 1: That's wild. And then you join TikTok. What made you

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Speaker 1: join TikTok?

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Speaker 3: Not the way most people would think. I like, when

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Speaker 3: I joined, I was going through it. I was in

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Speaker 3: a very rough space. I think it was shortly after

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Speaker 3: I came out of the hospital, actually, and I was

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Speaker 3: so frustrated with like the mental health, like how that

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Speaker 3: was portrayed in media.

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Speaker 2: Which like not really at all.

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Speaker 3: So I literally just set up my phone and recorded

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Speaker 3: during my mental breakdowns and just talked to my camera

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Speaker 3: and but.

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Speaker 2: We're like, wait, this is me.

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Speaker 3: I'm also having a breakdown over this, like I'm not alone,

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Speaker 3: And so it started really crazy like that, but then.

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Speaker 2: Turn into a whole different thing.

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Speaker 1: And I'm so grateful that you did because it meant

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Speaker 1: that we got to meet. I can't remember who slid

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Speaker 1: into whose dms, but there was some form of DM

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Speaker 1: sliding that happened.

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Speaker 2: I don't remember either.

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Speaker 1: I just I remember the first time we met was

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Speaker 1: in La. Was it yes?

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Speaker 2: La? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: It was La. It was La La. And then we

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Speaker 1: went to New York and then we did LA again.

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Speaker 1: We have the tendency to be going to horror nights,

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Speaker 1: which is our favorite thing to do. I love horror nights.

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Speaker 1: There's much footage of both of us just losing it

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Speaker 1: and you nearly breaking my hand, and some of the

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Speaker 1: horror houses.

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Speaker 2: And knocking us to the floor.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Well, because we're small as well, and so these massive

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Speaker 1: guys with the chainsaws were just like bloody chase us

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Speaker 1: around all the time and leave everyone else alone, just

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Speaker 1: be following us through. It was terrifying, and yet we

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Speaker 1: just kept going back because.

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Speaker 3: Cursed feel good scary said something about us. I.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's not think about that too much. You

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Speaker 1: can't overthink that.

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Speaker 3: Hey.

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Speaker 1: I obviously your story is has been widely known online.

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Speaker 1: You've been very very open about it and the things

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Speaker 1: that you've been through. But I would love to kind

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Speaker 1: of go right back to the start, what was your childhood?

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Speaker 2: Like, Oh, that's a question.

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Speaker 3: And I say that because there's so much duality in it.

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Speaker 3: I had so many great moments in my very young

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Speaker 3: childhood that I remember and I loved, I'm very grateful for,

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Speaker 3: but I had so many painful ones, and unfortunately those

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Speaker 3: ones to go out a lot more and a lot

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Speaker 3: of us. I actually didn't realize until I went to

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Speaker 3: therapy and processed everything that happened in my childhood, and

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Speaker 3: I was like, okay, so everything adds up. You know,

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Speaker 3: I was a kid who had normal kid behaviors. I

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Speaker 3: was a kid. The issue was it was mishandled and

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Speaker 3: I was failed in a lot of ways. And I

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Speaker 3: think at six I saw my first psychiatrists really just

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Speaker 3: from behavioral issues. But again they were more behavioral issues

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Speaker 3: because I wasn't being helped. I was very misunderstood and

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Speaker 3: I wasn't being seen. And I remember I actually recently

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Speaker 3: found those files from my psychiatrist when I was six,

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Speaker 3: never got to read them before until now, and I

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Speaker 3: remember reading them and the psychiatrist describing me at that time,

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Speaker 3: and he said, you know, he described me as anxious,

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Speaker 3: which I knew, but He also said I had learned helplessness,

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Speaker 3: which shook me because.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how a six year old has.

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Speaker 3: Learned helplessness, and I really had to like look into that,

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Speaker 3: and basically, it's like, you go into so many difficult,

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Speaker 3: stressful events where you don't have control and you don't

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Speaker 3: have a voice and you can't help yourself or it's

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Speaker 3: being taken away from you, that you under you start

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Speaker 3: to understand that it's not worth trying, like there's no

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Speaker 3: point in trying, so you just stop.

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Speaker 1: And that was in your files at six years old.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, wow, yeah, that's that is not even something I

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Speaker 4: can comprehend that as a six year old.

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Speaker 1: A professional can sit you down and you are presenting

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Speaker 1: so much in a way that that is what they

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Speaker 1: are seeing, right, this?

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Speaker 3: What that?

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Speaker 1: So what do you think you were kind of like

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Speaker 1: early signs were that there were behaviors, that things weren't

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Speaker 1: quite okay.

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Speaker 3: I really struggled academically, and that was noticed as soon as.

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Speaker 2: I entered school, you know, first grade.

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Speaker 3: I was getting help academically, and that really wasn't because

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Speaker 3: I wasn't trying or not understand these concepts. I just

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Speaker 3: learned outside of the academic box, which is common.

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Speaker 2: For a lot of people.

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Speaker 3: I didn't learn the standard way, and I really struggled

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Speaker 3: to conform to that, and that's where help was pushed

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Speaker 3: onto me in a way that made it was good intent,

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Speaker 3: but it made me understand myself as broken and something

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Speaker 3: needed to be fixed. So things really started going downhill,

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Speaker 3: I would say third grade and then just kind of

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Speaker 3: I feel like intensified up until my early twenties.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember like a key moment when you realized, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not normal and comparable you know what

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Speaker 1: even normal is where you realized that your brain was

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Speaker 1: working differently to your peers. Was it like a key

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Speaker 1: moment that stands out to you for that?

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Speaker 3: I would say it was sometime closer to third grade

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Speaker 3: as well. I was being pulled out of the classrooms

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Speaker 3: a lot. I was seeing different kinds of therapists like

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Speaker 3: speech pathologists, I was seeing tutors. I was having people

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Speaker 3: come into the classroom to be there to support me.

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Speaker 3: I'm again, I'm sure it was good, intense, but I

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Speaker 3: was seeing all these different services that were being given

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Speaker 3: to me, and I would made me feel so different,

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Speaker 3: And that was really when it sunk into my brain.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm different, and not a positive way.

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Speaker 1: What impact did that have on your teenage years?

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Speaker 3: A huge one, A huge one, And I like get

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Speaker 3: so frustrated looking back because I was like, there were

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Speaker 3: so many things that could have been done differently to

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Speaker 3: prevent what happened after that, you know it that kind

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Speaker 3: of translated into bullying later on, and then trauma. It

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Speaker 3: was like a mesh of just really horrible events all

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Speaker 3: at the same time. I remember I was like thirteen,

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Speaker 3: so that was my first sexual assault at thirteen, and

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Speaker 3: that's when again.

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Speaker 2: I say it's bullying, but it's very hard for me to.

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Speaker 3: Describe it that way because sometimes you think of bullying

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Speaker 3: and you think of people just saying mean things or

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Speaker 3: making you feel bad, And for me, it was, you know,

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Speaker 3: people were coming to my home and destroying it. We

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Speaker 3: had the police at my home frequently. I was getting

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Speaker 3: death threats, I was getting suicide encouragements.

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Speaker 2: It was.

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Speaker 3: That really really messed me up, and I was very

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Speaker 3: very unwell. So as I was, I turned into a

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Speaker 3: teenage addict essentially, like I had so much, so many

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Speaker 3: distortions about myself and genuinely believed I was a broken, horrible,

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Speaker 3: horrible person who was not loved, and I, as a

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Speaker 3: young teen, I couldn't tolerate it. I didn't know what

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Speaker 3: to do with that I had. I never learned those

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Speaker 3: coping skills or how to regulate that. So drugs were

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Speaker 3: the only thing that were there to make me feel like,

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Speaker 3: okay for a minute.

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Speaker 1: How old were you when you first had your first substance?

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Speaker 2: Thirteen?

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Speaker 3: Wow?

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Speaker 1: Thirteen years old. If you could talk to the people

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Speaker 1: that were sending you those death threats encouraging you to

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Speaker 1: take your own life now, at the age that you're at,

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Speaker 1: if you could face them head on, what would you

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Speaker 1: say to them.

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Speaker 2: I'm not angry, I think that's the thing.

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Speaker 3: I feel bad that they were in a place that

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Speaker 3: they were able to be so cruel to someone else, right,

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Speaker 3: because you think of people who do cruel things to

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Speaker 3: others and are hateful, and those things were taught, you know, like,

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Speaker 3: people don't just come out of the womb being mean.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't always that way. I was angry for a

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Speaker 3: long time, but that was also very toxic to me,

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Speaker 3: and I just I feel bad for them that they

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Speaker 3: were in a place where something happened to them that

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Speaker 3: they were there and that's kind of how that resulted

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Speaker 3: for them. But it took a lot of a lot

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Speaker 3: of therapy for me to get to a place where

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Speaker 3: I'm not angry anymore.

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Speaker 1: The maturity in that is phenomenal. I think, you know,

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Speaker 1: I spend a lot of my time with high school students,

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Speaker 1: and the message that we always put out is that

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Speaker 1: usually bullies have a bigger bully in their life and

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Speaker 1: that's what makes them feel like it's an okay or

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Speaker 1: an appropriate behavior. And to get to a place where,

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Speaker 1: even though the impact it had on you literally nearly

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Speaker 1: cost you your life, alongside a whole bunch of other things,

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Speaker 1: to be in a position of understanding that the common

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Speaker 1: saying of her people hurt people is something that's so

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Speaker 1: different to just hear the sentence and then to actually

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Speaker 1: believe it and to walk with that and to have

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Speaker 1: that kind of forgiveness almost is a completely different thing.

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Speaker 1: And like I know that you know your teenage years

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Speaker 1: very kind of similar but very different as well to mine.

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Speaker 1: Of realizing that it was so different to what a

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Speaker 1: lot of people grew up with. And I used to

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Speaker 1: get so jealous of, like other people just living their

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Speaker 1: best lives and like going on family holidays or waking

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Speaker 1: up and being happy and being like, why can't I

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Speaker 1: have that? When you started using substances, did you feel

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Speaker 1: like that was like helping you escape what was going

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Speaker 1: on in your head?

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Speaker 3: Very temporarily? It never lasted, if anything. I mean, alcohols

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Speaker 3: are depressent. It that one, that one really spiraled me.

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Speaker 3: It was super temporary, and I immediately like bounced back

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Speaker 3: into my other mental spirals, you know, it just and

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Speaker 3: that translated to so many other mental health things where

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Speaker 3: you know, I was engaging in other behaviors like self

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Speaker 3: harm behaviors and then I was just in the hospital often.

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Speaker 3: So like, yes, it took the edge off momentarily, but

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Speaker 3: it never lasted.

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Speaker 2: It never lasted for long.

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Speaker 1: Did that obviously? When you started at thirteen and then

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Speaker 1: kind of went through or teenage years, were you starting

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Speaker 1: to try and experiment with different kinds of drugs as

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Speaker 1: you were going on?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, so it's like at thirteen I had my

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Speaker 3: first drink, But actually alcohol never ended up being something

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Speaker 3: I had an issue with, which is funny, especially now

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Speaker 3: when I say I'm sober, people associate sober with alcohol

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Speaker 3: when really what happened for me was I quickly went

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Speaker 3: to things that were harder because I that wasn't enough.

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Speaker 3: So I did that, and then I did start experimenting

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Speaker 3: with really anything I could get my hands on. But

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Speaker 3: I did have very specific like drugs of choice that

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Speaker 3: I fell into more so than others, and those kind

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Speaker 3: of like became my normal.

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Speaker 1: What do you think you could say to people to help,

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Speaker 1: especially like family and friends of people who are addicts,

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Speaker 1: to understand how those behaviors and reliance on substance can form,

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Speaker 1: because I think that society has already kind of boxed

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Speaker 1: addicts into being one thing. But no one is born

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Speaker 1: and goes, I'm going to do this one day and

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Speaker 1: like that. It's just not that's not in the human nature, right,

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Speaker 1: Like that's something that has come from needing an escape

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Speaker 1: or needing to feel something else. Like what would you

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Speaker 1: say to people who do are in that kind of

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Speaker 1: more judgmental phase and don't yet understand how someone could

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Speaker 1: get to that point.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's really important to know that no one,

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Speaker 3: like like you said, no one wakes up and it's

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Speaker 3: like I want to be an addict. You know, for

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Speaker 3: some people it can start with experimenting with you know,

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Speaker 3: it does happen with kids who are in middle school,

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Speaker 3: high school. You know, drugs are around, drugs are prevalent.

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Speaker 3: Some kids try it here and there, but a lot

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Speaker 3: of times with addicts is they seek it out as

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Speaker 3: a way to cope with pain. That's why typically you know,

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Speaker 3: when you see an addict, they have like a typically

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Speaker 3: a dual diagnosis right where they have they're an addict,

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Speaker 3: but they also have depression, anxiety, bipolar, huge amounts of

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Speaker 3: trauma PTSD, like these things coexist so frequently that it's

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Speaker 3: not people don't quite understand with addicts that these are

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Speaker 3: people who are really really hurting and they're not being

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Speaker 3: resistant to be mean or to be difficult. They genuinely

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Speaker 3: that's their way of handling things, and most of it

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Speaker 3: comes from huge, huge amounts of pain and really not

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Speaker 3: knowing where to place it.

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Speaker 1: Do you or you've been very open online about getting

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Speaker 1: diagnosed with bipolar, do you remember kind of what the

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Speaker 1: process of that was. Were you diagnosed differently before you

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Speaker 1: got the bipolar diagnosis, because I know that that can

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Speaker 1: often manifest in ways that might mimic other mental illnesses.

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Speaker 1: What was your process of getting that diagnosis, and then

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Speaker 1: how did it feel when you did get that diagnosis.

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Speaker 3: I didn't get that diagnosis until I was twenty six,

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Speaker 3: twenty seven, but I can absolutely pinpoint when it really started,

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Speaker 3: and I was twenty two, so I got it much later.

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Speaker 3: And I never got misdiagnosed for anything that was never

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Speaker 3: even on my radar. I didn't even think about that.

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Speaker 3: So getting diagnosed was I mean, it was a difficult reality,

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Speaker 3: but also a big relief in a way because it

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Speaker 3: made so much sense, Like it made me understand that

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Speaker 3: I wasn't like a crazy person. I had something that

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Speaker 3: was impacting me that explained why I was behaving the

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Speaker 3: way I was, because it was so confusing, you know,

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Speaker 3: when I would come out of these episodes, it was

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Speaker 3: like that.

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Speaker 2: Like that wasn't me. I don't know how that happened.

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Speaker 3: So there was a lot of relief that came with

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Speaker 3: it because I could treat it. It was treatable and

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Speaker 3: I could help myself, and that took such a whet.

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Speaker 2: Off of me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I fully understand that. I felt like I felt

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Speaker 1: similar when I got the ADHD diagnosis of going, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, all of these things that I thought was

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Speaker 1: just like wrong with who I am. It's just an illness,

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Speaker 1: like my inability to reach out and remember that people

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Speaker 1: exist if they're not in my everyday world, or forgetting

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Speaker 1: everything and never finishing tasks like I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, this makes so much sense. And obviously you

353
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Speaker 1: went through so much in your early years and then

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Speaker 1: your teenage years, and then you got married, and then

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Speaker 1: you had a kid, and then you imploded your whole life,

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Speaker 1: and you did so on the internet so that everyone

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Speaker 1: could see it. Can you tell the people that are

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Speaker 1: listening that maybe have not heard the story before, or

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Speaker 1: maybe haven't seen it on social media. You get married,

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Speaker 1: you have a kid, what happens?

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Speaker 2: You know?

362
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Speaker 3: I did the I did the marriage thing, I did

363
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Speaker 3: the kid thing, and it took me a while to

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Speaker 3: realize that I wasn't happy, and I was very blind

365
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Speaker 3: to that for a long time.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: I developed postform depressions soon after I had my son,

368
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Speaker 3: so that I'm sure contributed to how unhappy I was.

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Speaker 2: But I remember.

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Speaker 3: I almost nightly had to go on drives for hours

371
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Speaker 3: at a time. I would drive by myself, really late

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Speaker 3: at night, and it was the only way I could

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Speaker 3: prevent panic attacks.

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Speaker 2: I was so tired of suffering.

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Speaker 3: I was so tired of upbringing that I stopped it

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Speaker 3: in the most drastic way I possibly could, which essentially

377
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Speaker 3: was asking for a divorce. I moved back into my

378
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Speaker 3: parents with my son. I came out to everyone of

379
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Speaker 3: the same day because I kind of had to. I

380
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Speaker 3: quit my job. I had nothing, I'd have a cent

381
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Speaker 3: to my name. I just left and that, even though

382
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Speaker 3: I had nothing and there was so much loss with that,

383
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Speaker 3: at least I was alive, Like that was my win.

384
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Speaker 3: At least I'm alive and the most terrifying thing I've

385
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Speaker 3: done and the most painful thing I've done, but looking

386
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Speaker 3: back into hindsight, like I would have a hundred percent

387
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Speaker 3: do it all over again.

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Speaker 1: There's a story that has gone so viral online every

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Speaker 1: time that you've told it, and I think it's so

390
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Speaker 1: impactful because it resonates with so many people. And you

391
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Speaker 1: obviously you were in this process of like you said,

392
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Speaker 1: you were going to these intersections you I mean, you

393
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 1: just so blatantly said that it was either imploded your

394
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Speaker 1: life or you were going to die, which is such

395
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Speaker 1: a massive, massive statement and I think is just shows

396
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Speaker 1: how much pain you were in this this viral story

397
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Speaker 1: that you've told for maybe people who haven't heard it before.

398
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Speaker 1: Was this something that happened before you? Basically I keep

399
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Speaker 1: saying imploded your life because that's the phrase that you've

400
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:39,560
Speaker 1: seen online before you before you did that or was

401
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Speaker 1: it after.

402
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Speaker 3: I So the incident with the paramedic, that the big viral,

403
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 3: long more time story that happened while I was still

404
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,159
Speaker 3: with my ex.

405
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Speaker 1: Can you tell us the story, what happened, what led

406
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: up to it, And I guess the story up to

407
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:09,199
Speaker 1: the words that ultimately changed and saved your life.

408
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Speaker 3: I was in the depths of my postpartum depression and

409
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 3: that actually amplified my bipolar disorder. So those were really

410
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 3: big things that were happening at the same time, aside

411
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 3: from already being very miserable in my life. I you know,

412
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Speaker 3: I had been passively suicidal at that point for like

413
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Speaker 3: over a year, and.

414
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Speaker 2: No one noticed.

415
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 3: I don't know how no one noticed, and I tried

416
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 3: very hard to make it noticeable, to do anything I

417
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,199
Speaker 3: could to ask for help without explicitly being like I

418
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:55,439
Speaker 3: want to die, because those are very hard words to verbalize.

419
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Speaker 2: So I did my best.

420
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Speaker 3: When I went to my last therapy session, and I

421
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 3: don't think I could have been more clear about where

422
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 3: I was at and was not heard, and that I

423
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 3: went into that session knowing like this is my last effort,

424
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 3: this is the last time I'm going to try. And

425
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:21,800
Speaker 3: after that, I'm I can't do it. And he let

426
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 3: me leave, He let me walk, and I was so defeated,

427
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 3: and I was like, no one sees me, No one

428
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Speaker 3: sees me. So I drove home, and halfway through my drive,

429
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Speaker 3: I started hyperventilating very quickly and to the point where

430
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,640
Speaker 3: I just wasn't it wasn't safe for me to drive.

431
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Speaker 2: And as I'm.

432
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Speaker 3: Trying to find a place to pull over and like hyperventilating,

433
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 3: it's hard for me to see. I'm having this full,

434
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 3: full blown panic attack. And I drive over this inner

435
00:25:56,240 --> 00:26:01,040
Speaker 3: pass and I see this huge bridge, and I pulled over.

436
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 3: I pulled over at the nearest parking lot, and I

437
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 3: think I sat there for a good like five minutes,

438
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:14,000
Speaker 3: just panicking, staring at the wall. And the weirdest thing

439
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 3: I randomly looked up into my rear view mirror and

440
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:21,479
Speaker 3: my son's car seat in the back, which was empty.

441
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 3: Because with my mom, I feel like I always have

442
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 3: to clarify that. But I saw his car seat and

443
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 3: I was like, fuck, Like, I so badly don't want

444
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 3: to be here, but I have a kid, and in

445
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:40,960
Speaker 3: like thirty seconds of courage, I super fast picked up

446
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 3: my phone. I mean it helps that I was a

447
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 3: little bit in like a blackout phase with my panic

448
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 3: attack that I was not thinking clearly, but I just

449
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 3: picked up my phone and I dialed nine one one,

450
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 3: and I I struggled to you remember what I said.

451
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 3: I essentially it was like, you have to come here now,

452
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,919
Speaker 3: Please send someone out, and they did.

453
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 2: They came very quickly, which I'm grateful for. Now.

454
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,400
Speaker 3: By the time they got there, I was still panicking.

455
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,040
Speaker 3: They helped me get out of my car, they sat

456
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 3: me down on the curb, and I'm sobbing. I'm having

457
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:18,000
Speaker 3: a hard time breathing. At this point, they're just taking

458
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 3: care of me physically. They're getting my breathing under control,

459
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 3: They're getting my blood pressure under control, they're getting my

460
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 3: shaking under control. And eventually, when I kind of came

461
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 3: out of that, we were able to have a little

462
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 3: bit more of a conversation and I came down from

463
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 3: that panic attack, and I remember being like I can't.

464
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 2: I can't do this.

465
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,880
Speaker 3: And I think I just repeated that, I don't even

466
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 3: know how many times, over and over again. I can't

467
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 3: do this, I can't do this, I can't do this anymore.

468
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 3: And I remember the paramedic was like level with me

469
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,400
Speaker 3: at this point. He was like squatting down and made

470
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 3: very direct eye contact with me. And that's where this

471
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 3: viral line came from. Was he looked at me and

472
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 3: he said, one more time, Let's just try one more time.

473
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 3: And that was the first time I felt seen in

474
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 3: over a year. That was the first moment that someone

475
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 3: saw me and broke it down into a piece that

476
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 3: felt manageable, because the pain and feelings are so big

477
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 3: that you don't know what to do with it, and

478
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: it's really hard to process and regulate. But he broke

479
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 3: it down for me in such a simple way and

480
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 3: saw me in such a simple way.

481
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: That I became willing enough.

482
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 3: To go with them and help myself. And I think

483
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 3: that if he didn't say that, I don't know that

484
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 3: I would have come with them.

485
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 1: I just it makes me emotional every single time that

486
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:08,800
Speaker 1: I hear it, for multiple reasons. I think seeing you know,

487
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: the photos and the videos of you and your son

488
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: now and going, oh my gosh, this kid still has

489
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 1: you here because of that thirty seconds of courage, that

490
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 1: thirty seconds where you pecked up a phone and you

491
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: asked for help, This one moment that meant that this

492
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 1: kid still has you here and when I get to

493
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 1: see the incredible things that you do now and the

494
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 1: life that you get to live, and the statement that

495
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,719
Speaker 1: I feel like both of us often say of like

496
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: you haven't met everyone who's gonna love you yet, Like

497
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,959
Speaker 1: Cameron wasn't in your life yet, and you had no

498
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: idea that there would come a time where you would

499
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 1: know that kind of love, where you would know that

500
00:29:55,480 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: life can be so shit that no matter what it

501
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: is that you're facing, that there's just always hope. And

502
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: I think the courage that you had to share that

503
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: story is massive and it's one that has just helped

504
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: millions of people. And I still to this day keep seeing,

505
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 1: you know, videos of people who've got the tattoos of

506
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 1: it done, and like the statement is really stuck with people.

507
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: Why why do you think that one sentence of let's

508
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:29,320
Speaker 1: just try one more time has resonated with millions of

509
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: people around the world.

510
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 3: I think it comes down to that aspect of taking

511
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 3: it like in such small pieces, because again, like when

512
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 3: you're in a place where you don't want to exist,

513
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 3: where you don't want to be here anymore, you're dealing

514
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 3: with a pain that is huge, that is not manageable,

515
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:57,239
Speaker 3: and that doesn't feel tolerable, and it's really hard to

516
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 3: know what to do with that, Like what do you

517
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 3: do when you feel like you don't want to be

518
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:03,960
Speaker 3: here anymore and you don't want to try, and you

519
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 3: don't want to help yourself, you know, Like it's people

520
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 3: don't know what to do with that, and that's so

521
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 3: valid because it's such a big and hard thing to manage.

522
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 2: But that phrase.

523
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 3: Made it possible for me to feel like I could

524
00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 3: manage one single moment and it wasn't all of it.

525
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 3: I didn't need to fix the whole thing, but I

526
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:29,520
Speaker 3: could maybe hang in for one day, like maybe I

527
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 3: can hang in there for the rest of the day.

528
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 2: And I think.

529
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 3: That's really helpful for a lot of people to hear,

530
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 3: because again, it is so big, but we can condense it,

531
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 3: we can condense it, and we can start with one day,

532
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 3: like let's focus on today.

533
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 2: That's it. We're not worrying about the future. We're not

534
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 2: worrying about the past. We're going to do.

535
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 3: Today and then we'll figure out tomorrow when we get there.

536
00:31:53,480 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 3: And I think that perspective of making it super small

537
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 3: and tangible when things are huge, it is kind of

538
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 3: you know, one of the only ways for people with

539
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 3: that much pain to feel like they can hang on

540
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 3: is one day, one time, one moment, one second, one

541
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:19,960
Speaker 3: hour at a time, however small.

542
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:21,959
Speaker 2: You need to break it down.

543
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 1: If you were standing outside that car, if you could

544
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: say anything to yourself, what would you say.

545
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:34,719
Speaker 2: That's such an emotional question, Jazz.

546
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm gonna make myself emotional with it, but

547
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 4: I literally just physically picturing it of like that intensive

548
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 4: crisis that you're feeling that in that moment, this is never.

549
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: Going to change, and you all these years later just

550
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: being the third person standing outside watching this happen. Because

551
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 1: there are people right now right that are in that space.

552
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 1: What are you saying to yourself? It's as you're sitting

553
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 1: in that car, I.

554
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 3: Think a couple things, you know, One it's not worth it.

555
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: It's not worth it, and two that.

556
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,479
Speaker 3: It's not always going to be like this, It's not

557
00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 3: always going to be like this, And at the time,

558
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: it felt like the end of the world and I

559
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 3: couldn't see past that. I was not able to see

560
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 3: past that. But if I was able to understand that

561
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 3: it wasn't always going to be like this, I might

562
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 3: have been a little more inclined to help myself because

563
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 3: I didn't believe it would get better in any way.

564
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 3: So if I could really sit down and look at

565
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 3: myself and just be like, this isn't worth it. It's

566
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 3: not always going to feel this way, It's not always

567
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 3: going to be this way, and you have to stick

568
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 3: around to see that through. Otherwise you're taking away that

569
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 3: opportunity from yourself. And that wasn't a thought that I

570
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 3: think that was even evile to create for myself at

571
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 3: that time.

572
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: I feel that so deeply. I think when you've been

573
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 1: in that space of literally life and death and believing

574
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 1: that there's no possible way out to I feel like

575
00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,360
Speaker 1: to then even just make it to the next birthday

576
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,160
Speaker 1: is so wild and I feel like, I don't know

577
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 1: if it's the same for you. But even throughout my

578
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 1: teenage years, like never believing that I would make it

579
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 1: to my twenties and then suddenly it's like, oh, I

580
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,319
Speaker 1: have to like adult now, and I don't know how

581
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 1: to do that because I didn't think I was going

582
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 1: to be here and I haven't planned for that. But

583
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 1: the thing that I always say is that like, as

584
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: long as you're still breathing, there's still hope for change.

585
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 1: And I think that just rained so true through both

586
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,839
Speaker 1: of our stories and through you in that moment and

587
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 1: even all throughout your childhood and your teenage years, Like

588
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 1: I just want to reach through the screen and just

589
00:34:56,000 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 1: hug little Anna who I feel like even you're going

590
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: through like the schooling system and you're realizing these behaviors

591
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: that are developing. I remember one of the most powerful

592
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: things that my therapist ever said was jazz, the behaviors

593
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,240
Speaker 1: make sense, Like you did the best that you could

594
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,880
Speaker 1: given the situation at the time. And I think for

595
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: so long there was so much self hatred of like

596
00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,360
Speaker 1: and being so angry at myself for these behaviors and

597
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: the way that I would lash out and the things

598
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: that I would do, and being like, why are you

599
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 1: doing this jazz, Like you're so stupid, and then being like, oh,

600
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 1: these things came from somewhere like this little kid who

601
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: was just trying to protect themselves, who was just trying

602
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 1: to feel loved in a world that is so chaotic

603
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 1: around them. And so, I mean, I'm just so profoundly

604
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 1: proud of you, and I'm so thankful that the world

605
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 1: has you hear and that you've been willing to just

606
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 1: share your story and share your voice because there are

607
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: so many people that are struggling that feel the same way,

608
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: that feel misunderstood, that feel misrepresented, and to just know

609
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:16,239
Speaker 1: that there is so much hope is just phenomenal. And

610
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you made the decision to share

611
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: this online like it's I know it's not an easy thing,

612
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: and I know that you've been met with a lot

613
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: of hate, just purely from when you came out and

614
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 1: even now that you're engaged, and I see it all

615
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: and I just want to bloody reach through the screen

616
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,400
Speaker 1: sometimes and just brush someone when I see these comments.

617
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 1: But the bravery you've had is just incredible, and I

618
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:45,800
Speaker 1: will never forget. Just to kind of slightly transition that

619
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 1: at I think we were at Universal Studios, one of

620
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: the bloody theme parks that we went to, and you

621
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,320
Speaker 1: decided to film a video, and it was one of

622
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:01,279
Speaker 1: the videos that was like was it from the one

623
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 1: of the like we don't talk about Bruno songs, not

624
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 1: that specific song, but whatever the secret one was. And

625
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 1: you turned to me and you told me something that

626
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 1: the world didn't know yet. And my reaction in that

627
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: video is my raw and real reaction, and I am

628
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 1: so incredibly glad that it was captured because it was

629
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: around the moment that you met Cameron, something that would

630
00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: have never happened, a person you would have never met

631
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 1: had your story ended that day. And I just need

632
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: you to talk us through, talk the people through, did

633
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: what happened? How did you meet?

634
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 3: What?

635
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: Just tell us tell us the story and I will

636
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 1: tell us the story.

637
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 3: I will talk about the story forever. It's my favorite.

638
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 3: I think, you know, to first touch on the hen

639
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 3: around coming out. I think that comes from just so

640
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 3: many miscons conceptions about gender sexuality. And in that video,

641
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 3: I even told you like that was me telling you

642
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 3: how things were evolving for me. And as I did that,

643
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 3: you know, I was dating here and there, but nothing

644
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,839
Speaker 3: was sticking. I was really really having a part time

645
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 3: connecting and I thought something was wrong with me.

646
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 2: I remember it was.

647
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 3: Two weeks before I went on my first date with

648
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 3: Cameron that I remember talking to my therapist and I

649
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 3: was like, maybe it's just like not meant for me,

650
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 3: Like maybe I'm not capable of love because I've tried

651
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 3: so hard and it doesn't work, Like maybe it's just

652
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:43,879
Speaker 3: not for me. And it was around that time that

653
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 3: Cameron and I met up in person, so we met

654
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 3: on a dating app, and at the.

655
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 2: Time him and I were both very.

656
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 3: We were not seeking anything serious. We were both very

657
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 3: overcoming at that time, but we got along really well

658
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 3: over our messages via text and we're like, oh, why not,

659
00:39:07,040 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 3: Like let's just meet up, Like what's it gonna hurt?

660
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 2: And Cameron and I will talk about it this.

661
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:18,560
Speaker 3: Day that we both can clearly identify that after that date.

662
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,400
Speaker 2: And it's so funny because he called all.

663
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 3: Of his friends after that date and I was talking

664
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 3: to my friends after that date, and we were both like,

665
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 3: I don't know what's happening, but I feel like this

666
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 3: is it.

667
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 2: And that's crazy for me to say.

668
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 3: It was crazy for him to say because all our

669
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 3: friends knew we were so avoidant and so hyper independent.

670
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,680
Speaker 2: So we both left.

671
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 3: Shocked and it was so different, and I never ever

672
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 3: believed in that, Like I was one hundred percent of

673
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 3: those people who were like, people are exaggerating love, like

674
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 3: no one actually loves someone that much. That's not real.

675
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 3: This fairy tale loves stuff like love at first sight,

676
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 3: that's real. Like fully fully believed that. And then in

677
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:10,040
Speaker 3: that moment, I feel like everything I knew about love

678
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 3: and connection with another human just he threw that right

679
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:19,720
Speaker 3: up the windows so quickly, And that said so much.

680
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 2: That said so much.

681
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:27,840
Speaker 1: I remember you first telling me about him, and even me,

682
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 1: I was just amazed at the way that you were

683
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: talking because I was like, I know you, and I

684
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,720
Speaker 1: know you very well, and you don't talk about people

685
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,879
Speaker 1: like this, like this is not something that you do.

686
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:41,600
Speaker 1: And seeing like that, even just the cute, freaking videos

687
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,960
Speaker 1: that you guys make online, and just constantly being like, oh, like,

688
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:50,239
Speaker 1: if your story had ended that day, camera would still

689
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 1: just be walking around the avoidant type, not like you

690
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: literally haven't met everyone who's gonna love you yet and

691
00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:02,080
Speaker 1: you are living proof of that. And then you have

692
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: this man who then asks your friends of he can

693
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: propose to you. And I just need to point this out.

694
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: One I was so close to booking flights to coming

695
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: over for the surprise engagement. However it was going to

696
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:16,720
Speaker 1: be forty hours of travel each way, so like eighty

697
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,400
Speaker 1: hours all up, and I was like, I really do

698
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,320
Speaker 1: love you Anna, but I will come over for the wedding,

699
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 1: And so I got face timed into it and he

700
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 1: proposed off camera. You guys were just like you just

701
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: moved out of frame. And so when you came around

702
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 1: and you had I was like, did you say yes?

703
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: Like I didn't see it. I didn't see what happened,

704
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:40,680
Speaker 1: but obviously you did and you got engaged and you

705
00:41:40,960 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 1: get to live a moment and I guess a section

706
00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 1: of your life that you would have never thought possible.

707
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,759
Speaker 1: And I really love seeing the kind of stuff that

708
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: you post around how understanding and helpful Cameraon has been

709
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 1: through your mental health journey, because it's not just something

710
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 1: that immediately goes away or like is there one day

711
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 1: and has gone the next, Like, it's this ever evolving

712
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:10,360
Speaker 1: process and journey. And to have someone that understands that

713
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: and is willing to sit with you through that. How

714
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: did you first like explain to Cameron what had gone

715
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 1: on and what your mental health was and kind of

716
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: the stuff that you struggle with. Was that a hard

717
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:26,399
Speaker 1: conversation to have?

718
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 3: Typically it is, but like again, with him, everything was

719
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 3: so different. And I don't know if it was because

720
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 3: I wasn't looking for anything serious. I felt comfortable to

721
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,879
Speaker 3: just like throw everything out on the table. I told

722
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 3: him I had bipolar two via text before we got together,

723
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 3: and I think a lot of that was because I

724
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 3: wanted to show all my cards so that if you're

725
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:53,920
Speaker 3: going to run, like, do it early, because I don't

726
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 3: want to get attached. But he never thought anything like

727
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,960
Speaker 3: he was just like, okay, cool, I need ADHD and

728
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 3: we're just like cool, okay, so we.

729
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 2: Both have these diagnoses.

730
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 3: Great like no judgment and even beyond that, he followed

731
00:43:12,480 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 3: up with questions.

732
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 2: He was like, what does this look like? How do

733
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 2: people support you?

734
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 3: Like? What do you need in these moments? Like how

735
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 3: can I recognize these moments? And just worked so hard

736
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 3: to understand me instead of judging me and making me

737
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:34,400
Speaker 3: feel bad for showing up with these symptoms that I

738
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,640
Speaker 3: just I can't control.

739
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 2: It was such a different.

740
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 3: Approach that I felt incredibly safe and comfortable to share

741
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:47,160
Speaker 3: and disclose basically anything like there was not a moment

742
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 3: that it was hard.

743
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 1: That is phenomenal and such a testament to his character

744
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 1: and also just your real lifeationship that you felt like

745
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: you were able to do that. And I'm really interested

746
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 1: for maybe people who have never experienced living with bipolar.

747
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: I think that again, it's another thing that has a

748
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,800
Speaker 1: lot of stigma that's been attached to it from society

749
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 1: that people like know what it is, but they don't

750
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 1: actually understand. Can you explain from the lived experience kind

751
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: of perspective what it is like living with bipolar.

752
00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 3: I think people hear bipolar and they think of I

753
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 3: think a lot of the extremes that you see in movies.

754
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 2: And that's what I thought too, And that's why I thought.

755
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 3: I never considered that I had it, because I was like,

756
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 3: I'm not doing like that crazy stuff, like I'm not

757
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 3: jumping off of like roofs and like hallucinating, you know,

758
00:44:48,239 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 3: like that's how the media portrayed it.

759
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 2: So that never crossed my mind. But so there's bipolar.

760
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 3: One and there's bipolar two, and they look different, and

761
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 3: I have bipolar two. So for me, I would and

762
00:45:02,960 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 3: this is unmedicated, because medicated me is a completely different

763
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 3: version so if I was not medicated, it would look

764
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:16,879
Speaker 3: like a three month stint of deep, deep depression. Like

765
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 3: I'm talking, I can't get out of bed, I can't

766
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:24,760
Speaker 3: take care of myself. The suicidal thoughts are very loud.

767
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 3: I'm hopeless.

768
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 2: I could not function as a human being. I could

769
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:31,240
Speaker 2: not function.

770
00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 3: And then you wake up one day and a switch

771
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 3: slips and you turn into this like productive, confident, happy

772
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:47,880
Speaker 3: version of yourself that is really like confusing, but with

773
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,919
Speaker 3: like bipolar two. So it's it's called hypomania with bipolar two,

774
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:56,000
Speaker 3: which is a less extreme than mania that comes with

775
00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 3: bipolar one. So for me, I'm crazy productive, I don't

776
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 3: really sleep. I'm I remember like rearranging my furniture at

777
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 3: three am for like three hours for what I don't know,

778
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 3: I just did. And you know, there are there is

779
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,600
Speaker 3: some aspects of reckless behavior, like there were times where

780
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:24,240
Speaker 3: I about like a thousand dollars appliance.

781
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 2: I didn't need to do that, like that was just

782
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:26,320
Speaker 2: reckless spending.

783
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,959
Speaker 3: Or I just like glorified confidence where I'm like I'm

784
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 3: the best, like but.

785
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 2: Really over the top.

786
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:41,200
Speaker 3: So it's such it's like two opposite extremes and you

787
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:45,080
Speaker 3: bounce back and forth, and if you don't know what

788
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,359
Speaker 3: it is, it can be very exhausting. It can be

789
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 3: very very confusing, not only for you, but from the

790
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:55,280
Speaker 3: people on the outside who are watching it, very confusing,

791
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 3: especially if you can't even communicate what's happening because.

792
00:46:59,280 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 2: You don't know.

793
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, I thank you for giving that explanation. I think

794
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: so many people just even the bloody phrase of just

795
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 1: like oh, just snap out of it, or like just

796
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 1: can't comprehend or think of just being lazy when you

797
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: can't get out of bed, and it's just it's just

798
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 1: not the case. And so this is why stories like

799
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,040
Speaker 1: this is so important and why I'm so thankful that

800
00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:26,319
Speaker 1: we have such a quite large community of people that

801
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 1: are sharing their stories, and that we get to be

802
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,359
Speaker 1: a part of that, and we get to see other

803
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 1: people kind of coming through and sharing these stories of hope.

804
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,640
Speaker 1: And I would really love to know kind of obviously

805
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 1: you had this not just a moment. There was a

806
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 1: lot of times that were really really really hard for you.

807
00:47:47,280 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 1: But to go from the person who was thirty seconds

808
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:57,720
Speaker 1: away from not being here to where you are now,

809
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:02,320
Speaker 1: can you identify some like k things that helped you

810
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 1: get from A to B because obviously I think people

811
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 1: can sometimes hear these stories and be like, this is

812
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,600
Speaker 1: where I am now and relate to that, But then

813
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 1: they see you now and they're like, but how how

814
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 1: did you do it? What are some key things that

815
00:48:15,239 --> 00:48:19,479
Speaker 1: helps you get from from THEA to where you are now?

816
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 3: I think a lot of different things, and it was

817
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 3: a combination of things. And it also just wasn't like

818
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 3: a complete upward trajectory, you know, like it was an incredibly.

819
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 2: Bumpy road, and there were so many moments.

820
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 3: After that that I would go through a period of

821
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 3: time where I didn't want to be here. That was

822
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 3: not the last time, but learn like every time I

823
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,240
Speaker 3: went through it though, I learned to handle it better.

824
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 3: And being really consistent with therapy, being really consistent with

825
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 3: asking for help and priority tizing myself was really really important,

826
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:07,120
Speaker 3: and also not beating myself up if I hit a

827
00:49:07,160 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 3: low again, because I used to hit a low and

828
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 3: I'd be like, cool, we're doing this again, Like I'm

829
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 3: not going to try because I already know what's going

830
00:49:13,840 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 3: to happen. I'm going to end up back in the hospital,

831
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:19,399
Speaker 3: and it's a repeating cycle that's going to happen over

832
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 3: and over and over and over again, and I think

833
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:24,879
Speaker 3: that was some of my helplessness kind of coming in.

834
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,680
Speaker 3: So there was the therapy, the medication, the support, but

835
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 3: then there was a really really big shift in my

836
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 3: mindset that had to happen and in a mindset where

837
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 3: I felt like I could take control. And I think

838
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:44,480
Speaker 3: that was really a moment where I took my power back.

839
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 3: That was essential for me to help myself. Was feeling

840
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 3: capable of helping myself and getting there takes practice.

841
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:56,800
Speaker 2: You know, you don't get there overnight. You don't have these.

842
00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 3: Distortions and then suddenly change it. You know, like, that's

843
00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:04,360
Speaker 3: not how bit of affirmations work. It took a lot

844
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 3: of practice and consistency and repetition to really work on

845
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:12,480
Speaker 3: myself and prove to myself that I could do these things,

846
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:14,839
Speaker 3: that I had control, that I could take my power back,

847
00:50:14,880 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 3: that I could overcome these really hard things, even if

848
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 3: the road was really bumpy. You just you can't give

849
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 3: up when shit hits the fan, because it's life, and

850
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:32,800
Speaker 3: shit is always going to hit the fan. It's always

851
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 3: going to happen. Things aren't going to work out the

852
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 3: way you want. All the time, and I had to

853
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 3: learn how to navigate that, I had to reteach myself

854
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:46,839
Speaker 3: how to be regulated, how to cope, and I had

855
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 3: a lot of different resources that I used for that,

856
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,960
Speaker 3: but I really had to learn. I had to teach

857
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 3: myself because I didn't know how to do it, and

858
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:59,240
Speaker 3: that took a lot of time. It did not happen

859
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:03,839
Speaker 3: in a year or two years. I'm still learning every day.

860
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:07,120
Speaker 3: You know, like I'm not a perfect person. I still

861
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 3: have moments where things slip up and I have to

862
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,279
Speaker 3: pick myself up again. And I think it's always going

863
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:17,880
Speaker 3: to be that way, because that's just the human experience.

864
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 3: But when you can shift your mindset into a way

865
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 3: of like, Okay, this is really hard right now, but

866
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:26,680
Speaker 3: I know I'm going to be okay, and I know

867
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:28,200
Speaker 3: it's not always going to be like this, and I

868
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:32,439
Speaker 3: know I'm capable of helping myself. I don't think i'd

869
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 3: be able to be where I am now if I

870
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 3: wasn't able to shift my perspective in what I was

871
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 3: capable of doing for myself.

872
00:51:42,200 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 1: I think that's so incredibly important, and I know that

873
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 1: there was It was kind of a similar thing for

874
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 1: me where I began to realize that so much of

875
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,960
Speaker 1: my healing was going to lay in my own decisions,

876
00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:00,640
Speaker 1: the moments where I would want to run pulsively go

877
00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 1: and do something and just go right now in this

878
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,520
Speaker 1: moment where this impulses come, like I have the choice

879
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 1: for that to not be the reality, Like same as

880
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 1: you're like, you know the process, you're gonna bet up

881
00:52:13,080 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 1: in hospital again, Like you have a choice right now,

882
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 1: And not saying that it's easy like at all, but

883
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: all of those little choices, the choices to pick up

884
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 1: the phone and message someone, the choice to not put

885
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,399
Speaker 1: on sad music and make self feel worse and let

886
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 1: it dwell, but like actively try to do something else.

887
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:34,840
Speaker 1: And there is times where it just comes in waves

888
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: and it's harder to do those things. But this is

889
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: why I'm always so big when people come up to

890
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 1: me and they say, like, Jazz, you saved my life,

891
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 1: and I'm like, no, Like I didn't do that. All

892
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:47,839
Speaker 1: I did was go, hey, there's another way. You are

893
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 1: the one that made these decisions. You're the one that

894
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: chose to fight. And I think that's so empowering for

895
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: people to know that, like these other external things can

896
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 1: be a part of your healing can help you, and

897
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:03,439
Speaker 1: songs and artists and all these things are a part

898
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:06,000
Speaker 1: of it. But at the end of the day, you

899
00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 1: are the one that makes those decisions. And I'm so

900
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 1: glad that you made those decisions over and over and

901
00:53:13,520 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: over again, because it means that I get my friend here,

902
00:53:16,680 --> 00:53:20,080
Speaker 1: it means that the world gets you. It means that

903
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:23,840
Speaker 1: your son gets you, and Cameron does and I'm just

904
00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: so incredibly grateful that you are here with us and

905
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 1: that you are in a position where you are sharing

906
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: your story. And you know, this podcast is called Hope

907
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 1: is Real, and I think your life is just so

908
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 1: evident of that, and I would love to know, just

909
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: kind of as a final question, what does the word

910
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:48,520
Speaker 1: hope mean to you?

911
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 3: I think hope to me means the possibility for change,

912
00:53:57,520 --> 00:54:04,320
Speaker 3: possibility for recovery, possibility for better experiences, a better.

913
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 2: Life, possibility for things to.

914
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:10,920
Speaker 3: Get better, for you to get better, you know, like

915
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:14,360
Speaker 3: it's not black and white, like hope is always there.

916
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 3: And I think hope is kind of like this space

917
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 3: that if you choose to step into it, you give

918
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 3: yourself the opportunity to have more possibility, right Because I

919
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 3: also think having hope is a mindset and a choice

920
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:39,839
Speaker 3: to believe that you can have that. You know, it's

921
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 3: like similar to how can you change your perspective? You know,

922
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,760
Speaker 3: if you can believe for just a moment that there's hope,

923
00:54:48,160 --> 00:54:54,200
Speaker 3: you are leaving the door open essentially or good things

924
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 3: to come and allowing or good things to come.

925
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:01,320
Speaker 1: Gosh, I just I love you. I am so grateful

926
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:03,960
Speaker 1: to have you in my life and that you've been

927
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,879
Speaker 1: willing and we could finally make our calendars and schedules work.

928
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: To come on. I know that you're very busy and

929
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:11,160
Speaker 1: you're doing a million things, and you've got a kid

930
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 1: and you go. You just you've got so much going

931
00:55:12,719 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 1: on in your world, and so for you to take

932
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 1: the time to come and to chat on here and

933
00:55:17,239 --> 00:55:19,760
Speaker 1: to be able to inspire the people that are listening

934
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:22,879
Speaker 1: to know that one thing right that no matter what

935
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:26,040
Speaker 1: it is that you're facing, that hope is real. So

936
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 1: thank you for fighting, thank you for choosing to stay,

937
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: thank you for choosing to share your story, and for

938
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:35,840
Speaker 1: being such a cool friend. And I'm so excited for

939
00:55:35,880 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 1: you to get married. And I don't even care if

940
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 1: you're like eloping, I will be there, Okay, So you

941
00:55:42,200 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 1: just tell me when where. If it's a wedding, if

942
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 1: it's a loping, I don't care. If it's forty hours away,

943
00:55:46,239 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 1: I will be there because I am so excited. But

944
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:51,560
Speaker 1: where where can people find you? Where can people follow you?

945
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:55,240
Speaker 1: Not physically find your house, obviously, but where can people

946
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,200
Speaker 1: find anna? Yell?

947
00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:59,280
Speaker 2: We just hand out my address for you, guys.

948
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 1: I address, my bank account, details.

949
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:08,400
Speaker 2: My social Security number. No, I'm primarily on.

950
00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 3: TikTok and Instagram. That's really where I'm the most active.

951
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:15,480
Speaker 3: But I do like to work more intimately with people,

952
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:17,799
Speaker 3: So I do also do when I want to work

953
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 3: with people within the coaching business that I have as well.

954
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:23,920
Speaker 1: So are you taking new clients for that? Or no,

955
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,440
Speaker 1: what are you taking new clients for that? At the moment.

956
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of like a rolling thing, like as

957
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 3: people graduate from the program or as people feel like

958
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:37,839
Speaker 3: they don't need more, they've got all they can out

959
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 3: of it and they move on, then I'll take in

960
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 3: a couple more people.

961
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:45,080
Speaker 2: So it's always kind of going.

962
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:48,200
Speaker 1: How can people get in touch about that if that's

963
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:49,359
Speaker 1: something that might be interested in.

964
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 3: So all of my socials have a link on it,

965
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:55,359
Speaker 3: which gives you all the resources to either things I'm

966
00:56:55,400 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 3: doing or other resources. But one of those links will

967
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:04,719
Speaker 3: basically be a place where you can give me your name,

968
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 3: your email, what you're struggling with, and so I can

969
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:11,320
Speaker 3: see those and go through and I can respond and offer.

970
00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 2: You know, hey, do you want to work together? Is

971
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 2: still something you want to pursue because I have space amazing?

972
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 1: Well, Hey, thank you so much again for taking the

973
00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:21,840
Speaker 1: time to come on this podcast. It really means a

974
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 1: lot and I cannot wait to see you again, hopefully soon.

975
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 3: I know, thank you so much for having me. I

976
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:30,440
Speaker 3: need you to come back to the States.

977
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll get on a plane right now. I'll just

978
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 1: drive to the airport.

979
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 2: I mean you should probably just come here for Horror Nights.

980
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, we need to. We need to read

981
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 1: you horr nights. Yeah, every year. We've done it since

982
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 1: we first met, so we're going.

983
00:57:44,480 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 3: To have to. I feel like if we if we

984
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:52,400
Speaker 3: break that chain now, we can't it happens.

985
00:57:52,720 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, Well, I will obviously be there for

986
00:57:55,240 --> 00:57:59,160
Speaker 1: Horror Nights, but otherwise, have a fantastic Christy your day night.

987
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 1: I don't know what time is where you are right now,

988
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 1: but again, thank you so much for coming on.

989
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 2: Of course thanks for having me.

990
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 1: Well there you have it, guys, thank you so much

991
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:12,760
Speaker 1: for staying and for listening to this episode. And like

992
00:58:12,800 --> 00:58:15,080
Speaker 1: I've said at the beginning, and I always say, if

993
00:58:15,120 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: anything in this episode that's been talked about has brought

994
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 1: anything up for you, you feel like you need to

995
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,000
Speaker 1: talk to someone, then please remember and know that the

996
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:25,760
Speaker 1: bravest thing that you can do right now is to

997
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:28,560
Speaker 1: talk to someone, is to ask for help, whether that's

998
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:31,200
Speaker 1: from a friend, a family member, or if you don't

999
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:32,840
Speaker 1: know who to talk to, then if you live in

1000
00:58:32,920 --> 00:58:36,919
Speaker 1: Altaiola here you can call or text one seven three

1001
00:58:37,040 --> 00:58:39,520
Speaker 1: seven at any time to talk to a trained counselor.

1002
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 1: Or if you live overseas, go to dub dub dub

1003
00:58:42,280 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 1: dot the Voices of Hope dot org for a list

1004
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 1: of international helplines. Remember that no matter what it is

1005
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: that you're facing, no matter what it is that you're

1006
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 1: going through, that in all things, hope is real and

1007
00:58:53,400 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 1: change is possible. I'll see you guys next week