Speaker 1: You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talk
Speaker 1: SEDB and.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the Weekend Collective. Of course that's very
Speaker 2: serene music from my producer Tire there it's lulled me
Speaker 2: into this false sense of security. I don't know why anyway,
Speaker 2: Welcome back to the show. My name is Tim Beverges,
Speaker 2: is a Weekend Collective and this is the Parents Squad.
Speaker 2: If you missed any of our previous hours at one
Speaker 2: we've radio show and a fun panel with Joe mccarell
Speaker 2: and Brad Olson, you can check out the podcast look
Speaker 2: for The Weekend Collective on iHeartRadio. But right now, continuing
Speaker 2: the action, it is the Parents Squad. Of My guest
Speaker 2: is Sarah Chatwen, and I describe you best as well.
Speaker 2: For one, I get it Sarah rather than Sarah.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 2: As a psycho psychologist, yes, I get muddled up with
Speaker 2: psychotherapists and psychologists. I think I wrote down the wrong thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So we don't medicate. We just listen and talk.
Speaker 3: We set up some strategies. We talk people through little
Speaker 3: bits and bobs in their life. We also don't necessarily
Speaker 3: always talk about negative stuff. We talk about motivation plans
Speaker 3: and all of these things to create a nice, positive
Speaker 3: little space for people to exist in. So I'm a psychologist.
Speaker 3: There you go.
Speaker 2: Fantastic. Hey, look and we're talking about we're talking about parenting,
Speaker 2: of course, because this is the parent squad and actually
Speaker 2: the question around authorities of parenting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and.
Speaker 2: I guess you can go right from the whole tiger
Speaker 2: mum type of thing.
Speaker 3: Right, So many types as helicopters. There's lawnmowers.
Speaker 2: We've got let's it was, I know, what's the list
Speaker 2: cliches the helicopter parent.
Speaker 3: There's the helicopter which has been replaced by the lawnmower.
Speaker 3: You know, that's the lawn mark. Well, that's even more
Speaker 3: high intensity in terms of you know, running right over
Speaker 3: your children with your ideas and your So I guess
Speaker 3: if we're talking parenting styles, we have the permissive parent
Speaker 3: that is very you know, almost overly flexible, with no rules.
Speaker 2: In regulation the age of the careers.
Speaker 3: That's right, we might have a few of those amongst
Speaker 3: the permissive parents. Then we have the authoritative that falls
Speaker 3: somewhere in the middle of you know, being quite flexible,
Speaker 3: favorit firm. Probably the parenting style that I think is
Speaker 3: quite nice and works for a lot of families. And
Speaker 3: then you have the authoritarian who is you know, has
Speaker 3: a very fixed view of what children should do and
Speaker 3: what they should bring, and you know rules and regulations
Speaker 3: that are very inflexible, so you know there are a
Speaker 3: certain amount of parents that parent that way too.
Speaker 2: I guess the broader question and what your calls on
Speaker 2: this is how did you decide your style of parenting?
Speaker 2: Was it something that just came naturally to you because
Speaker 2: you felt you were comfortable with the stance you were taking,
Speaker 2: Whether it would be to be the completely authoritative I
Speaker 2: haven't heard the lawn my parent. That's fantastic, But how
Speaker 2: did you make your decision? If you're listening, we'd love
Speaker 2: to hear from you on on what sort of parent
Speaker 2: you wanted to be or are you dying to know
Speaker 2: what the optim should be? Because is I hesitate to
Speaker 2: think that there is an optimum way of parenting because.
Speaker 3: We're all very different, all different.
Speaker 2: We're all different, and your kids are different.
Speaker 3: And there's no bible. I mean, if there was a
Speaker 3: parenting bible that you know, come down handed down through
Speaker 3: the generations, maybe we might have a bit of a
Speaker 3: plan but I guess part of the answer to that
Speaker 3: question for a lot of people will be that they
Speaker 3: parent similarly or differently to their parents. They've taken some
Speaker 3: of that role modeling and they've worked with it, and
Speaker 3: then they have read around, looked around, asked questions, been
Speaker 3: and talk to people like myself, psychologists, counselors. But there
Speaker 3: are a lot of you know, areas and avenues and
Speaker 3: input sources for parenting styles are there.
Speaker 2: I mean, does your parenting style? Does it depend on
Speaker 2: you or does it depend on your children, because certain
Speaker 2: children will react differently. We all know about kids have
Speaker 2: rebelled against the authoritative parents. And you know, if somebody
Speaker 2: has had a very strict lifestyle and the kids have
Speaker 2: been as soon as they could.
Speaker 3: Leave, get free. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: But then maybe there is a type of personality which
Speaker 2: is okay with an authoritative parent who wants a bit
Speaker 2: of certainty around things.
Speaker 3: But that's the authoritarian parent, the realtori. Yeah, the authoritative
Speaker 3: is more flexorial and we're allowed association. I'm going to
Speaker 3: start calling you a helicopter dad soon. Just be careful.
Speaker 3: I know I'm having you on. No I think that
Speaker 3: you know, say we have three or four children and
Speaker 3: people say, oh.
Speaker 2: You sorry, how many have you got?
Speaker 3: I've got four? Four, I've got four, And I think
Speaker 3: that each one has required a slightly different parenting style
Speaker 3: because you know, there's the genetic makeup, there's experiences, they're
Speaker 3: all different. There are different too, which would change that's right. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And I think that you know how people say, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, I love all of my children exactly the same.
Speaker 3: I'm sure people do. I'm sure that there's equal amounts
Speaker 3: of love for each child. I do think though, parents
Speaker 3: have different relationships with their children. Some children, you know,
Speaker 3: they feel that they're on the same page. Some children
Speaker 3: they feel that, you know, there's a bit of there's
Speaker 3: a bit of push, there's a bit of a rub,
Speaker 3: there's you know, some you know, you might say, oh,
Speaker 3: I'm a Leo and he's Leo with butt heads. So
Speaker 3: there's different personalities and each child has a different experience
Speaker 3: of you as a parent. So there's a lot of
Speaker 3: things that come into account.
Speaker 2: Actually, I think yeah, because maybe it's more a case
Speaker 2: of just what bottom, you know, the authoritarian thing versus
Speaker 2: whatever parent you are, whether a helicopter parent or lawnmar
Speaker 2: I'm still trying to get my head around that.
Speaker 3: I think that's a bit of a stream, isn't it.
Speaker 2: It's but you do need to work out regardless what
Speaker 2: your bottom lines are, I guess because the parents who
Speaker 2: try to be too matey with their kids and.
Speaker 3: Who don't set certain boundaries parameters. Yeah, I get it. Well,
Speaker 3: I don't know whether that ever ends well because it
Speaker 3: might look nice and feel nice at some times, but
Speaker 3: then you get to a point where as a parent,
Speaker 3: you have a responsibility, you have to care, you have
Speaker 3: to guide. You know, we parents are the architects of
Speaker 3: the destiny of their children. So there was there are
Speaker 3: those kind of components to a parent and to parenting,
Speaker 3: and that is why parents are called parents and not mates.
Speaker 3: There are two different words, there are two different roles.
Speaker 3: So the notion of mateship with your children. I do
Speaker 3: think you should be friendly, and I do think there
Speaker 3: should be you know, love and and all of those
Speaker 3: you know, core values involved in the relationship. But at
Speaker 3: some point parents have to guide and it's from the
Speaker 3: get go. Really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting because I think I think they're using
Speaker 2: the word friends and mates with your it's just if
Speaker 2: you're looking. I think sometimes people use those words when
Speaker 2: they are looking to define their connection with their kids,
Speaker 2: and that they don't want to be the authoritarian. But
Speaker 2: I mean, if I was to think about it, I
Speaker 2: probably think that more of I want to be a
Speaker 2: companion to them as well. But that's different to being
Speaker 2: a friend. It's like someone who's along for the journey
Speaker 2: with them.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's more of a nurturing, guiding kind
Speaker 3: of a role, isn't it. If you're walking along the
Speaker 3: same companion type of thing.
Speaker 2: You know you're there to support them when they need it,
Speaker 2: and you're also there to go oop. You know, why
Speaker 2: do you think that went wrong?
Speaker 3: Because, say you have children in your twenties or thirties,
Speaker 3: You've got twenty or thirty more years of experience than
Speaker 3: your children, So you would probably not be a mate.
Speaker 3: You would be a guide. You would have some kind
Speaker 3: of direction in their life. You would be able to
Speaker 3: And I also do empower children in my practice. Empowered
Speaker 3: parents in my practice because they know their children. So
Speaker 3: when you ask about parenting styles, I guess part of
Speaker 3: it is your knowledge of your child and your knowledge
Speaker 3: of what you think they need.
Speaker 2: Well, okay, somebody comes to you, say if somebody is
Speaker 2: a lawnmower parent to find that one for me again, So.
Speaker 3: Lawn mower is when the parent doesn't necessar necessarily hear
Speaker 3: their child. They don't listen to their child, they don't
Speaker 3: hear them. They just give orders and they zoom right
Speaker 3: over the top of their children's choice and all the
Speaker 3: rest of it. If I picked that up in a parent,
Speaker 3: I would say, hey, listen, you know you need to
Speaker 3: think about how you can allow your child to develop
Speaker 3: their own sense of self.
Speaker 2: It also says that they run ahead of their kids
Speaker 2: and mow down any obstacle that their kids are going
Speaker 2: to experience.
Speaker 3: That's all.
Speaker 2: It's extream on top of the helicopters. Yes, yeah, here's
Speaker 2: a problem my daughter is going to encounter. I'm going
Speaker 2: to get rid of it so they don't have any obstacles,
Speaker 2: and so your kids never Well that's a resilience destroying thing,
Speaker 2: isn't it.
Speaker 3: Well it is, But it is also not allowing that
Speaker 3: child to be them to establish their own identity, to
Speaker 3: look at themselves and think, hey, and figure out who
Speaker 3: they are. I guess that's what I'm trying to say.
Speaker 3: So lawn mow appearance go over the top, prevent those
Speaker 3: kind of things happening, which is, you know, a really
Speaker 3: nice thought, but it also impedes that growth process and
Speaker 3: that delineation of self that we all need.
Speaker 2: A modern parents more. And look at the use of
Speaker 2: different terms may irritate you if you're listening, but I
Speaker 2: think it's quite useful just to defining roughly what we're
Speaker 2: talking about. And anyone knows what we think when we're
Speaker 2: talking about a helicopter parent who's always hovering trying, is
Speaker 2: somebody actually looked like, here's a text. Hi, guys, we're
Speaker 2: told by the end laws mainly that we are both
Speaker 2: helicopter parents and too soft and spoil our only child.
Speaker 2: Should we care because honestly, it's not going to change.
Speaker 3: Well, listen, I think anybody outside the parenting zone can
Speaker 3: say whatever the heck they want. At the end of
Speaker 3: the day, parents appearance and they will make the decisions.
Speaker 3: I mean, there are laws about that too, you know.
Speaker 3: You know that so often it's quite handy to listen
Speaker 3: a little bit. But in terms of taking things on board,
Speaker 3: you have to empower yourself as a parent and you know,
Speaker 3: know what the rules and regulations are around your parenting
Speaker 3: style and go with it. And whatever. People will say, well,
Speaker 3: you know, pay a little bit of attention, but if
Speaker 3: it doesn't resonate for you, then that's ours.
Speaker 2: Is helicopter parenting more common? Do you think? I mean,
Speaker 2: we didn't have a description for eight years ago. I
Speaker 2: never heard the expression till it's fifteen twenty years ago.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I think? Sometimes these terms are
Speaker 3: you know, a bit fast and loose. I think people
Speaker 3: throw them at people if perhaps they experience a different
Speaker 3: parenting style from their own, and that can definitely be
Speaker 3: a generational thing, so you know, grandparents versus parents. So
Speaker 3: you've got to be a little bit careful about this
Speaker 3: terminology because people can say whatever they want. It doesn't
Speaker 3: necessarily mean you fit into that category. But I do
Speaker 3: think there are a lot of parents out there that care, certainly,
Speaker 3: you know, in different areas, in different places. But I
Speaker 3: also think that you know, we see a fair amount
Speaker 3: of abuse and neglect with regard to children. We only
Speaker 3: have to read the newspapers to you know, to see
Speaker 3: some horror stories about parenting. So helicopter parenting would probably
Speaker 3: not be my first port of qualifiers to brick back
Speaker 3: something I would say abuse and neglect, But you've got
Speaker 3: those terms again are throwing around, So we've got to
Speaker 3: be a bit careful, you know, how we define people's
Speaker 3: parenting styles.
Speaker 2: Would love to have a calls for me if you
Speaker 2: if you'd like to join the show. I weight one
Speaker 2: hundred eighty ten eighty. Did you actually decide your own
Speaker 2: parenting style or did you just find Oops? I guess
Speaker 2: I'm one of these parents because you just recognize that
Speaker 2: that's what came easy to you. I guess Dave's like
Speaker 2: this text from Dave today on a wet day inside
Speaker 2: with my six year old son. I've been every bloody
Speaker 2: type of parent ha from Dave.
Speaker 3: I'm your Dave Will. He's covering all his bases, inn
Speaker 3: isn't he?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'd love your cause. I eight one hundred and
Speaker 2: eighty ten and eighty text nine to nine two. That's
Speaker 2: the parent Squad. My guest is psychologist Sarah Chatwin, and
Speaker 2: we'll be back in just a moment. Because one of
Speaker 2: the reasons I've asked what type of parent you are?
Speaker 2: At some stage you've got to let your kids make
Speaker 2: a few more of their own decisions, whether you like
Speaker 2: it or not. But how do you stop teenagers from
Speaker 2: doing stupid stuff. I eight one hundred eighty T and eighty.
Speaker 2: It is nineteen past five News Talks. He'd be welcome
Speaker 2: back to the show. This is the weekend left of
Speaker 2: the Parents Squad. I don't mind telling you. I just
Speaker 2: said to my producer, I said, who's this? This sounds familiar.
Speaker 2: Of course it's Madonna.
Speaker 3: I knew who it was, but yes, thank you very much.
Speaker 2: Good one, Sarah, well done, well done. Look I so
Speaker 2: did I. But you know, sometimes anyway, were talking about
Speaker 2: parenting style. Sarah Chapman is my guest, and quite a
Speaker 2: few texts on this, but are we're going to discuss
Speaker 2: also how you stop your teenager dumb things and also
Speaker 2: choosing your parenting style? Is it just something that comes naturally?
Speaker 2: One person says On the text, Steve says, I liked
Speaker 2: him and think think of myself as a corner man
Speaker 2: and a boxing match for my son. They go out
Speaker 2: in life and fight the rounds, and in between rounds
Speaker 2: they come in and sit on the stool and the
Speaker 2: cornerman comes and gives them advice for the next round
Speaker 2: on parts of the fight they cannot see. I really
Speaker 2: quite like nice. I quite like that analogy.
Speaker 3: I have to go and then come back. And I
Speaker 3: just watched Dana White's UFC documentary, which was an incredible
Speaker 3: so I'm kind of liking that fight analogy. However, I
Speaker 3: think that's of a certain age. So maybe he's talking
Speaker 3: teenagers because you do have to, you know, loosen the
Speaker 3: bonds and let them make their own decisions and choices.
Speaker 3: But I mean, as a parent, you can't just abdicate
Speaker 3: responsibility at you know, X age. You're a parent for
Speaker 3: your whole life and you're their parent for their whole life.
Speaker 2: So the thing about the question around how do you
Speaker 2: stop teenagers from doing stupid things? I don't think you
Speaker 2: can really because it's just going to happen. It's you
Speaker 2: can you prepare them for the teenage years when you
Speaker 2: when they're younger. Really, if you've done no work with
Speaker 2: them for the first twelve years, you're in trouble. You're
Speaker 2: in deep poos.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because as a psychologist, you would you would like
Speaker 3: to think that people, you know, form a relationship with
Speaker 3: children right from the get go so that the pathways
Speaker 3: of communication are open. And I've said this many times,
Speaker 3: those open pathways of communication so that children do not
Speaker 3: fear or regret or just don't come to you. They
Speaker 3: need to feel like they can come to you to
Speaker 3: chat in a way that's non judgmental or invasive, all confrontational.
Speaker 3: And if you have set that structure up from the start,
Speaker 3: and also if you're feeding some really positive, proactive messages
Speaker 3: you know about some of those things that can cause
Speaker 3: concern during the teenage years, then they don't necessarily have
Speaker 3: to make many mistakes or really bad mistakes. I think
Speaker 3: everybody makes mistakes, right, That would be weird if we didn't.
Speaker 3: We don't want to make too many mistakes over and
Speaker 3: over again. That would be pretty silly as well. But
Speaker 3: I think it's the messages. It's the communication. It's the
Speaker 3: pathways that you choose to take with your children that
Speaker 3: sets them up, you know, for a good, for good
Speaker 3: teenage years or for harrowing teenage years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I'm not sure who said it, but I
Speaker 2: think it's a line from Ian Grant, who found The
Speaker 2: Parenting Place. But there was think's one of my favorite
Speaker 2: parenting quotes because he was talking about when kids say, look,
Speaker 2: i'm a teenager dad, you know, but out yeah, and
Speaker 2: he the comment he made it was to do with
Speaker 2: the work you do earlier, he says, if you are
Speaker 2: present in your children's lives from an early age, said,
Speaker 2: by the time, it's about that investment earlier on, because
Speaker 2: by the time they're older, you have His expression is
Speaker 2: that it's quite a nice expression. He said, you have
Speaker 2: earned the right to speak into their lives. And I
Speaker 2: think that that does emphasize how important it is to
Speaker 2: be present, yes, from day one, rather than waiting because.
Speaker 3: A lot of available available. Yeah, I think psychologist Sarah
Speaker 3: chat One said that as opposed to in grant thank.
Speaker 2: You very much, that is one of yours as well.
Speaker 3: No, no, I'm sure it was ens He said, some lovely
Speaker 3: stuff and it's brilliant stuff. But I also think that
Speaker 3: there's a you know that availability today. Parents are very busy,
Speaker 3: they're working, they've got a lot on their plate. They
Speaker 3: also have children, and you do need to be accessible
Speaker 3: and available to children because they have questions and if
Speaker 3: they are not asking you questions, then they will be
Speaker 3: doing stuff that you don't know about. If you are
Speaker 3: not communicating, if you are not having the conversations, if
Speaker 3: you are not allowing them to know your thoughts in
Speaker 3: and around subjects that are you know, sometimes hard topics,
Speaker 3: you know, difficult conversations to have with your children. If
Speaker 3: you're not doing that, then you may find that you're
Speaker 3: out of the loop, and you don't necessarily want to
Speaker 3: be out of the loop with your kids.
Speaker 2: Is it more common Do you think that people are
Speaker 2: less available to their kids. It's easy to say, you know, how,
Speaker 2: we have this perception that because both parents are working
Speaker 2: that kids have parents have less time for their kids.
Speaker 2: But I alwayso think of the old family dynamic where
Speaker 2: there'd be one parent at home. Usually mum and dad
Speaker 2: would be out working and he wouldn't be home to look.
Speaker 2: In fact, people are often so I hardly saw my
Speaker 2: dad except on weekends.
Speaker 3: But yes, except that there was the availability of one parent,
Speaker 3: and a lot of the research today, even though there's
Speaker 3: been a lot of research in the past that said,
Speaker 3: you know, we need two parents, we need these families
Speaker 3: and all the rest of it. Well, we love that,
Speaker 3: and that would be lovely, but not everybody has two parents.
Speaker 3: If you have one good parent and somebody who is available,
Speaker 3: whether it's a guardian or a parent or whatever, then
Speaker 3: you have somebody that you can talk to. And now
Speaker 3: with all the mental health issues, the rise and anxiety
Speaker 3: levels and strets and depressive disorders that we see today
Speaker 3: coming through children. Right from the get go. We know
Speaker 3: that they need to talk, they need to communicate, they
Speaker 3: need continuity of care, and they need availability of people
Speaker 3: who fill those roles.
Speaker 2: Why is that with anxiety? Because when you look at
Speaker 2: previous generations, previous generations have been sent through some horrendous stuff.
Speaker 2: Imagine being a teenager during World War two or something.
Speaker 2: And is it the social media aspect of things that causes.
Speaker 3: Well, don't start me on that, TI. You know my
Speaker 3: position on social media. I think it social media. I
Speaker 3: like this analogy. Social media has come into our living
Speaker 3: rooms and sat down on our couch couches and snuggled
Speaker 3: up to us and really given us a false sense
Speaker 3: of security. When you are talking about teenage girls who
Speaker 3: go on to Instagram for twenty to thirty minutes and
Speaker 3: feel three to four times worse about themselves after that,
Speaker 3: after viewing social media Instagram and Facebook, whatever the apps,
Speaker 3: you are talking about something that's very dangerous for children
Speaker 3: and adolescents.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, I think that was my division in a way,
Speaker 2: but it is. But it is all tired and with
Speaker 2: things in terms of how you change is because the
Speaker 2: question i'd are interially posed about how do you stop
Speaker 2: teenagers from doing stupid things because you're not going to
Speaker 2: be there along for the ride all the time.
Speaker 3: No, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: And so I mean there are certain things you would
Speaker 2: be terrified of your kids doing. So if they're going
Speaker 2: away off they've got their driver's license, and you want
Speaker 2: them to like, I don't want you to text while
Speaker 2: you're driving, and I don't want you to drink too
Speaker 2: much alcohol. I don't want you to be late at
Speaker 2: night on your own in a dangerous place and things.
Speaker 2: But how do you make sure what is the best
Speaker 2: way of ensuring that your kids heed your advice?
Speaker 3: So there's no one hundred percent guarantees, right, There's no
Speaker 3: way that you can make or enforce those things because
Speaker 3: you're just not there. So it is all about messaging.
Speaker 3: It's all about the messages that you send your kids
Speaker 3: from the get go. And this is where parents need
Speaker 3: to think seriously about the task of parenting and really
Speaker 3: need to lean into it. If you find yourself in
Speaker 3: the position of being a parent, lean into it because
Speaker 3: you know these kids are around, hopefully for a very
Speaker 3: long time for longer than we are, right. So it's
Speaker 3: about that messaging. It's about the boundaries, the parameters. It's
Speaker 3: about the culture that you create within your family. Because
Speaker 3: we're all different. We said that at the beginning of
Speaker 3: the show. We're all different. We have different values, we
Speaker 3: have different things that resonate for us and things that
Speaker 3: we don't like. So it's about that messaging. So if
Speaker 3: you don't want your kids to text and drive or
Speaker 3: look at apps and drive and drink and drive, then
Speaker 3: you are messaging. Sending those messages softly a little.
Speaker 2: Bit, you know, don't do it yourself for one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's the statement that I like. There was
Speaker 3: an ad campaign years ago that said if you want
Speaker 3: your kids to behave behave yourself. That's the one that
Speaker 3: resonates very loudly for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a funny one I say. For instance, on
Speaker 2: the phones, I I use my phone for reading, for instance,
Speaker 2: and for research and news. So when I'm on my phone,
Speaker 2: I'm doing usually it's for work. Whereas my kids see
Speaker 2: me on my.
Speaker 3: Phone, why don't you tell them what you're doing?
Speaker 2: Well, I have made a point of saying.
Speaker 3: That actually, So there you go, there's your messaging. You've
Speaker 3: already kicked in that messaging. Similarly, if I'm doing that
Speaker 3: and I've got my children around, I say, oh, hey, listen,
Speaker 3: let's talk about that in a minute. I'm just looking
Speaker 3: this up for work or whatever. I will message that
Speaker 3: that is what the phone is used for. And I
Speaker 3: will also, you know, from time to time question what they're
Speaker 3: doing on their phones. I think that's a parental right,
Speaker 3: you know, so no, I think the messaging kicks and
Speaker 3: you probably don't even know that you're doing some of that,
Speaker 3: and that's just just naturally great parenting to.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't know. It's something that sometimes
Speaker 2: the throat well you have on you're on your phone, Dad,
Speaker 2: it's like, well, I'm you know, would you like to
Speaker 2: read the same articles I'm reading right now? Have all
Speaker 2: let me and read read this particular news.
Speaker 3: Story, won't you? Again? Right?
Speaker 2: The other question that I wanted to just dig into
Speaker 2: as well as because one of the news stories, that's
Speaker 2: the charter schools are back on the menu as well. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I've never I mean, I guess we made it. We
Speaker 2: did make a choice about which school to send our
Speaker 2: kids to. Did you make a school choice or do
Speaker 2: you just go what's in our area. Way we go.
Speaker 3: You do a little bit of that, and then if
Speaker 3: you don't have options that you like, you might make
Speaker 3: different choices. But then if you've got four children like me,
Speaker 3: if if you are boys and girls, or I had
Speaker 3: three boys and then a girl, so if yes, so
Speaker 3: then it must have been if one. I just they
Speaker 3: are adorable, they're cool. They're pretty cool. Not perfect, nobody is,
Speaker 3: but they're pretty cool. They're listening to Tim. So I've
Speaker 3: got to be very diplomatic now. I think if you know,
Speaker 3: the big brother goes to the school, and then the
Speaker 3: next brother down wants to go, you end up, you know,
Speaker 3: with a bit of a flow in one direction. And
Speaker 3: then you have parents whose children are very very different
Speaker 3: and don't necessarily want or need to go to the
Speaker 3: same school as So there's a lot of dynamics, right,
Speaker 3: But charter schools, I think it's a lovely notion as
Speaker 3: long as you have really good people at the helm
Speaker 3: and a great crew.
Speaker 2: Because I was just wondering how many New Zealanders really, actually, ever,
Speaker 2: really actively choose because we are zoned for schools as well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, and.
Speaker 2: There's it doesn't I never assume there is a particular choice,
Speaker 2: although my girls go to a Catholic school, and it
Speaker 2: was my wife who sort of drove that drove that decision.
Speaker 2: I guess we explored it and thought.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was the right choice for you.
Speaker 2: And because I wasn't actually emotionally ready for it, because
Speaker 2: I didn't realize it would start year seven and I
Speaker 2: was thinking I had two years, and then suddenly it
Speaker 2: was like, we have to make a decision about schools.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not I'm not emotionally ready. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I'm trying to work out how I actually I
Speaker 2: do remember roughly I made the decision because I met
Speaker 2: the principal and had.
Speaker 3: And there was was awesome yeah yeah, and what did
Speaker 3: I just say about crew and person at the helm?
Speaker 3: So charter schools also, I don't think there's necessarily been
Speaker 3: a massive amount of conversation around it, so a lot
Speaker 3: of people may not know, you know, what that option
Speaker 3: looks like, but you know, and I don't know a
Speaker 3: lot about charter schools.
Speaker 2: But well they're all different, yes, and then there will
Speaker 2: be some that will do a great job and there'll
Speaker 2: be ones that will be failures. Possibly, right, mind, it
Speaker 2: is not that our education system at the moment has
Speaker 2: been rocking and rolling for the past ten or twenty
Speaker 2: years ago.
Speaker 3: No, No, I mean it's a bit hit and miss at
Speaker 3: the best of times, but I get it comes back
Speaker 3: down to the values that that school has, you know,
Speaker 3: the umbrella that they operate under, the person who is
Speaker 3: running the school, and how well they do that. And
Speaker 3: then of course, you know, parents getting to know their
Speaker 3: children and what they feel their children need. I don't
Speaker 3: know how many children out their parents would feel need
Speaker 3: charter schools or just need the schools that are offered
Speaker 3: in their area or beyond.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, here's a text from rich which just plays
Speaker 2: into your favorite topic. By the way, if social media
Speaker 2: is so dangerous for our teens, then how do we
Speaker 2: get rid of it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, we just can't. And I don't believe that
Speaker 3: we can get rid of it. I believe that we
Speaker 3: have to monitor it. I believe that perhaps we need
Speaker 3: to consider some really stringent checks and balances. I mean,
Speaker 3: you've got great people, you know, under that net safe
Speaker 3: umbrella who really navigate that relationship between youth and social
Speaker 3: media so beautifully. They have tips and bits and bobs
Speaker 3: on their website that are so helpful. And you know
Speaker 3: there are other people, private people you know, such as myself, counselors,
Speaker 3: psychologists who can give parents tips as to you know,
Speaker 3: when to get involved and monitor this. But I'm every
Speaker 3: day I am surprised at how little parents know about
Speaker 3: what their children are actually viewing online.
Speaker 2: I also wonder whether I think that parents are sometimes
Speaker 2: because every child is on it seems that everyone's on
Speaker 2: social media, at least from the acts. It's like that,
Speaker 2: although actually I don't think my girls have social media accounts,
Speaker 2: No they don't, But does you do feel this tidal
Speaker 2: wave that every kid has got it come a certain age,
Speaker 2: has got a phone and all that. And I must
Speaker 2: say almost we were probably stricter than most, and maybe
Speaker 2: I've crumbled a little bit on that front, but only
Speaker 2: because I sort of think I don't want them to
Speaker 2: be hasn't got and they play that card pretty well.
Speaker 2: But we went met up with some friends on holiday
Speaker 2: who this blew me away, and I was so impressed
Speaker 2: with them. But they make their kids. The kids have
Speaker 2: to leave their phones at home when they go on holiday.
Speaker 2: They don't even take them with and I thought, God,
Speaker 2: that's really that's really hardcore. But actually I also thought
Speaker 2: that's that's awesome.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, they've created that culture for their children
Speaker 3: and that's what they feel their children need, and that's
Speaker 3: the culture that they want to operate.
Speaker 2: And we're talking teen just by the way, the youngest
Speaker 2: is probably thirteen and thirteen up to seventeen phones.
Speaker 3: It's amazing left at home and the kids just do it.
Speaker 3: They respect their parents enough to follow the rules. That's great,
Speaker 3: and that's the culture that those people have created. And
Speaker 3: if that works for them, that is amazing. You will
Speaker 3: have listeners out there going, well, that's never going to happen. Well,
Speaker 3: you then have to look at why that kind of
Speaker 3: thing can't happen. Are your children slightly addicted to their
Speaker 3: social media or whatever? But those parents have put parameters,
Speaker 3: checks and balances in place. They are parenting. They are
Speaker 3: not abdicating responsibility. They're guiding their kids through this, you know,
Speaker 3: that social media landscape and doing a jolly good jobs.
Speaker 2: Ironically, the reason that a younger one got a phone
Speaker 2: earlier than their oldest sister is because we had our
Speaker 2: overseas holiday and we actually gave her a phone for
Speaker 2: safety and communication.
Speaker 3: Because that's a great reason to do that.
Speaker 2: You felt reasonable, So yeah, I think that's it.
Speaker 3: But then again, you know your child and that was
Speaker 3: something that that resonated for you. That was a good
Speaker 3: parenting decision. When I'm listening to you say that, I'm thinking, well,
Speaker 3: that's absolutely valid. You're away overseas in cities and countries
Speaker 3: that these kids don't know if they get lost, You've
Speaker 3: got that means of communication. So there are different reasons
Speaker 3: and different decisions that parents are tasked with. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's not easy, is it.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm considering next holiday we have, how do I
Speaker 2: do the rule that Dad's decided? Mum and Dad? Sorry?
Speaker 2: Should I say? I won't be hard to get my
Speaker 2: wife on side with that? It, I guess, But I
Speaker 2: must say I feel that it's going to be you.
Speaker 3: But just do it. Just have the conversation and don't
Speaker 3: necessarily just land that conversation on your children. Build into it,
Speaker 3: build up to it. Use that family as an example of,
Speaker 3: you know, stuff that other families do that you quite
Speaker 3: like the idea of have the conversation.
Speaker 2: What do you think? What does the psychology tell us
Speaker 2: in terms of what with social media? Later as late
Speaker 2: as possible, you know, because people can have messaging apps
Speaker 2: and they can message each other and say hi, and
Speaker 2: that seems fairly harmless to me. The stuff I've seen
Speaker 2: them my kid's phone, when it's just literally it hooks
Speaker 2: them in though. But the social media of the tiktoks
Speaker 2: and the Instagram and oh, I just sort of think
Speaker 2: the longer you can keep off that stuff, well.
Speaker 3: I mean we are seeing kids who are just interacting
Speaker 3: so passively. They're not interacting, it's just passive consumption. So
Speaker 3: there's no outside time, there's no leaning into green space
Speaker 3: or and join the environment. In this beautiful country that
Speaker 3: we live in, there's so many things that have fallen
Speaker 3: by the wayside in favor of this of social media.
Speaker 3: So I mean, I don't think that we can get
Speaker 3: rid of it, and you know, in terms of accessing
Speaker 3: it for information and there are huge benefits, but I
Speaker 3: also think that we have to have balance and a
Speaker 3: lot of families, a lot of children, and I guess
Speaker 3: parents are forgetting to encourage the other things that make
Speaker 3: up life, you know, face to face expression and conversation
Speaker 3: and outside time and you know time and the sun
Speaker 3: and animals and well see that play and all of
Speaker 3: that stuff ties.
Speaker 2: Into the whole question we get to about parenting style,
Speaker 2: because I think that's when I think, with just the
Speaker 2: momentum that kids have too with parents, that I need
Speaker 2: to have this phone because of this reason that there
Speaker 2: is a time when obviously you do need to be
Speaker 2: that authoritative parent and say, well, actually guess what.
Speaker 3: Just well, authoritative means that you are putting rules and
Speaker 3: regulations in place. There's a bandwidth, there's a flexibility with
Speaker 3: what you're doing in that parenting style, but you are
Speaker 3: actually saying, hey, guys, you know it's nine o'clock at night,
Speaker 3: there's not going to be any more social media. You
Speaker 3: need to get to bed soon. And also what happened
Speaker 3: to reading books? What happened to drawing? What happened to
Speaker 3: talking communicating with parents? I mean we're seeing a huge golf,
Speaker 3: you know, dividing parents and children. There's not face to
Speaker 3: face stuff. I mean, you're having parents and children in
Speaker 3: the same house texting each other. Well, that's just lazy,
Speaker 3: that's just so passive. You're guilty.
Speaker 2: But the reason I did it, no, this is because
Speaker 2: my daughter was like having a lazy moment, not because
Speaker 2: I wanted to catch her out because she's supposed to know,
Speaker 2: because she's supposed to put her phone on the kitchen
Speaker 2: bench when she gets home. And so I texted her
Speaker 2: on it or I've phoned her and she answered the phone.
Speaker 2: I was like, the fact that you're answering this calls
Speaker 2: means call means it wow too, sneak sneak anyway, So
Speaker 2: if people want to catch up with the work you do, Sarah,
Speaker 2: what's the best way to get in touch?
Speaker 3: Oh, look, dub dub dub dot mind workstock cod on
Speaker 3: z always happy to have a bit of a chat
Speaker 3: and just you know, make sure that people are on
Speaker 3: the right path. So yeah, keep it positive. That's we love.
Speaker 3: Keep staying positive the mind Works crew. We really like
Speaker 3: to keep people looking.
Speaker 2: One of the biggest things you often have to do
Speaker 2: is because when people go to accounts, obviously they're usually
Speaker 2: it's because there's.
Speaker 3: Something there's some questions. Yeah, absolutely, But you know, it's
Speaker 3: not necessarily about seeing that glass is half full. It's
Speaker 3: just about understanding, you know, what great gifts you have
Speaker 3: in life, because we all have them, we just need
Speaker 3: to find them. We need to dig a bit deep sometimes.
Speaker 2: So Mindworks dot co dot Nz got it, Sarah, nice
Speaker 2: to see you again. You're gonna be watching the All
Speaker 2: Blacks tonight. You're dressed in black.
Speaker 3: I know, I know it's my usual attire, but I
Speaker 3: will be. I have great faith in the new coach.
Speaker 2: Excellent. Okay, Hey, we'll be back in just a moment
Speaker 2: to rap sport. It is eighteen and a half minutes
Speaker 2: to sex. This is News Talk s EDB.
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