Speaker 1: With the Heads Podcast Network.
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to Slow It Down.
Speaker 3: I'm your host PJ Harding, and I've started this podcast because, well,
Speaker 3: pretty selfishly, really, I feel like life is so busy.
Speaker 2: Even though I live.
Speaker 3: Literally in the middle of nowhere off Griz, surrounded by
Speaker 3: bush you'd think that you could just quiet in the noise,
Speaker 3: But I still feel stressed. I still feel overwhelmed. I
Speaker 3: still feel, you know, that pressure of keeping up with
Speaker 3: what everyone else is doing. And I want to carve
Speaker 3: out some time every week to sit down and have
Speaker 3: really conscious conversations with people who are also living busy lives.
Speaker 3: And I want to pick their brains and work out
Speaker 3: how they find peace and the chaos and what.
Speaker 2: Rituals they do to stay sane. It's that simple.
Speaker 3: Every week I'll have a new guest and hopefully we
Speaker 3: can be inspired together. I don't want this to be
Speaker 3: a judgmental zone. I want it to be a placed
Speaker 3: you can chill out and listen to over the weekend.
Speaker 3: And I am so excited to introduce my first guest
Speaker 3: on the show, Zoe Marshall. We actually briefly work together
Speaker 3: back in the day when.
Speaker 2: She was working on ZIDM and Auckland.
Speaker 3: She worked on a show there for a while and
Speaker 3: then we sort of just kept in touch over the years,
Speaker 3: and she's gone on to create some amazing podcasts. She
Speaker 3: created The Deep and then started a subscription called The Deeper,
Speaker 3: and the conversations that she has had on that podcast
Speaker 3: have been pretty heavy. She's talked to people well, parents
Speaker 3: that have been given a terminal diagnosis. She's talked to
Speaker 3: ice addics, conscious sex workers, the list goes on. She
Speaker 3: is not afraid to tackle a taboo topic. And more recently,
Speaker 3: she's gone on to create a new platform called Rise,
Speaker 3: which helps people create the life they deserve.
Speaker 2: And it's all about.
Speaker 3: Manifestation, but as she says, it's manifestation a bit better
Speaker 3: and she talks about her here's so much more to
Speaker 3: it than just a being woo. There's a lot of
Speaker 3: science to back up some of this stuff. So I
Speaker 3: can't wait to pick her brain in this episode. And
Speaker 3: I really hope you enjoying my chat with Sally. Oh Zorry,
Speaker 3: I've been so excited to catch up with you.
Speaker 2: It has been a while. I think the last time
Speaker 2: we talked, i'd just.
Speaker 3: Given birth and I went through like a step by
Speaker 3: step harrowing encounter of what happens.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you were there was a little bit of PTSD.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so it's really nice to see your beautiful.
Speaker 1: Face again and you howl'd the baby.
Speaker 2: He's just gone to Wow.
Speaker 1: Two years since I spoke to you, it's crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you were living in the bush.
Speaker 2: I am pretty much.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, though I work in the nearest town now,
Speaker 3: so I actually do a radio show out of the
Speaker 3: local rural Talmas is a twenty.
Speaker 1: Minute drive look at you all set up.
Speaker 3: First of all, I'll run through what Slow It Down
Speaker 3: is and kind of the premise of this podcast and
Speaker 3: why I thought you'd be a perfect fat So basically,
Speaker 3: I think since moving to the middle of nowhere, you know,
Speaker 3: I had this expectation that life becomes slow and relaxed
Speaker 3: and I'd be grounded. And the reality is, I'm still stressed.
Speaker 2: Life still feels chaotic, and I have a beautiful life,
Speaker 2: but it's.
Speaker 3: So easy to not appreciate everything beautiful in front of you.
Speaker 3: So I want to talk about tips and tracks and
Speaker 3: ways to really feel.
Speaker 2: Like you can make the most of the golden years.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, are we in the golden years?
Speaker 2: I know, I no pressure I feel like this is.
Speaker 1: So aligned with where I am at because I am
Speaker 1: very literally in a metamorphosis of wanting to have the
Speaker 1: experiences and wisdom of like being an elder on a
Speaker 1: rocking chair, you know, but like doing all of that now,
Speaker 1: like the pace, the presence, the appreciation now. So I
Speaker 1: am every I'm just I want to get rid of everything.
Speaker 1: I want to get rid of, like a lot of
Speaker 1: my belongings. I want to downsize everything in my life.
Speaker 1: I want to just have my needs met and then
Speaker 1: be able to do less. And I am like it
Speaker 1: already is happening. And I think it all started with
Speaker 1: like I had a quite quite a scary breast scare
Speaker 1: in June, and that just shifts everything. And it's such
Speaker 1: a shame that human beings need such a dire situation
Speaker 1: to wake them up, but I did. And I just
Speaker 1: got back from two and a half weeks in Europe
Speaker 1: and Dubai and literally just sitting in the sun eating
Speaker 1: bread and butter and olive oil, I was like, this
Speaker 1: is living. Obviously it's very different circumstances, but what if
Speaker 1: we could bring that level I like to call it
Speaker 1: like the magic in the mundane, like finding the miracles.
Speaker 2: Stop it there.
Speaker 3: It's literally like one of my actives, well objectives of
Speaker 3: this podcast is finding magic in the mundane, or like
Speaker 3: finding meaning in the mundane, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I find like being in awe of everything
Speaker 1: around us. So I think we have just been really
Speaker 1: stripped of so much importance because of you know, how
Speaker 1: distracted we are, how we've got these kind of really
Speaker 1: quick dopamine hits all the time. We're not able to
Speaker 1: focus in and slow down and appreciate the things that
Speaker 1: we have. I created a whole new business. I got
Speaker 1: rid of, like slowed down one side of my business
Speaker 1: and started a new one which is all around this
Speaker 1: and it's around manifestation, co creation mindset. But truly, like
Speaker 1: it sounds like a riddle, but everything that we want,
Speaker 1: if you are living as if you already have that thing,
Speaker 1: and you're already feeling the way it would feel to
Speaker 1: have the thing, then you already have the feeling you
Speaker 1: would have it even if you got it. So it's
Speaker 1: kind of like once you get all the stuff right,
Speaker 1: Like I went really hard in my career and I
Speaker 1: got the accolades, and I got the fancy car, and
Speaker 1: I got the fan house and I've got the fancy things,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, oh, fuck, I didn't need any
Speaker 1: of the fancy things, any of them. Yes, right, but
Speaker 1: now shut down all those businesses. Start something that feels
Speaker 1: like in true service, which will also keep me accountable
Speaker 1: every single day and just be able to meet life
Speaker 1: where it's at and be able to practice in real time.
Speaker 1: Like it's okay to become heady about all of this
Speaker 1: and get into the education and do the YouTube and
Speaker 1: be in the tutorials and join the courses. But unless
Speaker 1: you're in complete chaotic insanity and you don't start to
Speaker 1: bring the stuff in, there's no point. Like you're just
Speaker 1: on the kind of little rat wheel. What do you
Speaker 1: call it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is the rat race.
Speaker 3: That's also another reason why I wanted to do this,
Speaker 3: because I've bought so many self help books of my life,
Speaker 3: and I know all the shit to do, but just
Speaker 3: so sometimes implementing it is kind of hard. And you're right,
Speaker 3: it's so sad that we have to have like these
Speaker 3: life awakening moments, you know, whether it's a family been
Speaker 3: beginning really unwell, or you lose your house or whatever,
Speaker 3: when people are really steered with what reality is that's
Speaker 3: when they're like, oh fuck, I don't have long to
Speaker 3: live and I need to live and I can't waste
Speaker 3: another second.
Speaker 1: And like what am I doing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: And how am I eating? And how am I moving?
Speaker 1: And how am I turning up for my family? And
Speaker 1: how am I working? And like like we are just
Speaker 1: in this autopilot of life happening to us, and no
Speaker 1: one actually stops until you're forced to stop, which is
Speaker 1: a health scare or a death or like a crumbling
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh my god, I have to change.
Speaker 1: I can't smoke anymore, I can't drink, like I like
Speaker 1: all of the things. But really, I guess what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to teach my community to Rise is like we
Speaker 1: don't need to get to breaking point to change, Like
Speaker 1: we can bring in really incredible mini habits to change
Speaker 1: your life and it will change your life and you
Speaker 1: can have these realizations now and not at seventy you know,
Speaker 1: on the Rocking Chair. I feel like I'm very aligned
Speaker 1: with your podcast.
Speaker 3: Well, I was looking at some of your videos on
Speaker 3: the Rise page today and there was one that caught
Speaker 3: my eye and it was so funny because this woman
Speaker 3: was talking to you about the importance of starting your
Speaker 3: day with something positive and how that will set you
Speaker 3: up for a more positive experience. Not necessarily bring you
Speaker 3: more positivity, but you'll be more aware of the positive
Speaker 3: things that happened to you. So I watched that video
Speaker 3: and then the second I've got it into practice, right,
Speaker 3: And I was like, Okay, okay, you're right, because I
Speaker 3: wake up in like a stressed mode, right, and I
Speaker 3: know I should be more mindful. So I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say the mantra, what if everything just worked out?
Speaker 2: What if everything just wikes up? What if everything just.
Speaker 3: Waks aut and it keeps saying that and then no
Speaker 3: shits away. I walk outside the house and there was
Speaker 3: this rainbow just going over our house, like it was
Speaker 3: the perfect rainbow.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I gotta tell Zoe that, oh.
Speaker 3: My, And then it just stayed there for our ages
Speaker 3: and I was like, okay, well, that in itself is
Speaker 3: just one of those moments.
Speaker 1: And so there is science behind this, because my program
Speaker 1: is backed by neuroscience. There's science behind starting your day
Speaker 1: with a declaration, an affirmation, a positive headspace like it.
Speaker 2: It it's not just were woolshit, No, It like.
Speaker 1: Impacts your rath system. Your ra system is your reticular
Speaker 1: activation system. And what that does is we are consuming
Speaker 1: so much information all the time as humans. We are
Speaker 1: always scanning for information that makes us true or safe.
Speaker 1: So if you wake up and you're like life is hard,
Speaker 1: things are hard, and nothing works out for me, your
Speaker 1: rath system is figuring out, Like I'm sure there was
Speaker 1: something underneath that rainbow, like there was a traffic jam
Speaker 1: or there was this, or that was that, and you
Speaker 1: were like, okay, but I see the rainbow in the
Speaker 1: traffic jam, and I see the rainbow.
Speaker 3: In that moment, I was like, oh my god, because
Speaker 3: I'm so guilty of just like back in the day,
Speaker 3: I felt like I was bitter at embodying all these
Speaker 3: things that I believed, like having all these red chalks.
Speaker 3: But it's so easy to get caught back up in
Speaker 3: that like wheill as you talk about, and I know
Speaker 3: there's so many beautiful things that I miss out on.
Speaker 3: So it was it was quite like a powerful moment
Speaker 3: where I was like, you cannot afford to miss all
Speaker 3: of this beauty and magic, because that's what it's all about.
Speaker 1: And we do become addicted very immediately to our to
Speaker 1: do lists and our needs and our children's needs and
Speaker 1: the work and like. But the thing is, which is
Speaker 1: so funny and very humbling, is the world doesn't end
Speaker 1: if you didn't do the grocery shop, or if the
Speaker 1: child is like the school, or if you didn't have
Speaker 1: as many talking points for the radio show, Like it
Speaker 1: just doesn't. Like maybe eventually you'll lose your job if
Speaker 1: you don't keep doing. But I think we start to lose.
Speaker 1: We are putting things in a very important category that
Speaker 1: aren't and we're putting ourselves and our mental health and
Speaker 1: our movement and our conversations as like something at the
Speaker 1: bottom of the barrel when I've put the kids to
Speaker 1: bed and I lay on the couch and I'm scrolling
Speaker 1: on TikTok and watching a show at the same time,
Speaker 1: Like it just we're responsible, And I don't think that
Speaker 1: anyone can like victimize themselves because we all have the ability,
Speaker 1: like we really do.
Speaker 3: Okay, so give me some really great ways things that
Speaker 3: we can do to weave into our day to encourage
Speaker 3: that presence.
Speaker 1: I think, firstly, this isn't like a quick hit. This
Speaker 1: isn't like winning the lotto, This isn't like a pyramid
Speaker 1: scheme marketing thing where you make keaps of money, and like,
Speaker 1: no one is going to do this for you, and
Speaker 1: it is going to require commitment to yourself. But I
Speaker 1: can tell you the people that we look up to,
Speaker 1: the celebrities or the entrepreneurs or the billion dollar business people,
Speaker 1: have such integrity with their routines to themselves. So I
Speaker 1: say to everyone in the course, especially when you're starting,
Speaker 1: get up thirty minutes before you usually do right. And
Speaker 1: that's really hard if you've got kids and you're getting
Speaker 1: up at five instead of five thirty, right, but go
Speaker 1: to bed earlier, and in that thirty minutes you have
Speaker 1: the ability to create a declaration when you're in an
Speaker 1: alpha state, that awake state, right to program your rust system.
Speaker 1: You can do some ah some I want to say
Speaker 1: human uses it. I want to say it's called like
Speaker 1: horizon gazing, but it's when you look out and you're
Speaker 1: kind of balancing your circadian rhythm, which is going to
Speaker 1: really support your sleep. You can either journal or meditate,
Speaker 1: whichever feels better for you. Move and stretch, eat, Like
Speaker 1: if you do like two of those six things, you're
Speaker 1: already setting yourself up right. So when the kids get up,
Speaker 1: they're like on, they're like ready, And you're going to
Speaker 1: be a better parent. You're going to be more patient,
Speaker 1: You're going to be able to listen to them. They're
Speaker 1: having a tantrum because they want the blue cup not
Speaker 1: the red cup. You're like, I really understand, I get it.
Speaker 1: Fuck I really like the red cup too. But you
Speaker 1: won't be just like pulling them out the door. Oh
Speaker 1: maybe you will, you know. But I think that starting
Speaker 1: your day for yourself and allowing yourself to set intentions
Speaker 1: rather than the DA catch you up is really important.
Speaker 1: And then there are a million other things that we
Speaker 1: can bring in, Like you really got to be serious
Speaker 1: about what you're consuming. How much what are you drinking?
Speaker 1: Are you a caffeinated person, Are you're relying on stimulants?
Speaker 1: Are you getting your nourishment in like where little like
Speaker 1: organisms we need to be fed and watered and slept.
Speaker 1: And I think it's like looking at basics, are you
Speaker 1: moving every day? And then like how do you see
Speaker 1: the world and what are you doing so co creation,
Speaker 1: how I teach it isn't wish for thinking that a
Speaker 1: ferrari is going to end up at your doorstep. Just
Speaker 1: because you put it on your vision board, it's like
Speaker 1: what am I doing today? What actions am I taking
Speaker 1: to be magnetic to what I want? And so like
Speaker 1: I had a real doozy of a day on Thursday.
Speaker 1: It was like our fucking doozy, horrendous jet lag. I
Speaker 1: hadn't slept at all, bench had food poisoning, my nanny
Speaker 1: was off. One of my favorite favorite teammates within the
Speaker 1: my business resigned. A lawyer needed a very specific information
Speaker 1: from me. My account wanted to have a really hard conversation.
Speaker 1: My dog vomited and I couldn't. I couldn't. My daughter
Speaker 1: was like, you know, like at me. And so it
Speaker 1: was a real moment of like, that doesn't just kick
Speaker 1: a person into doing that kicks you into like safety seeking,
Speaker 1: behavior finding security. And I went into my my autopilot,
Speaker 1: which is like fix everything now, like blinkers on, don't
Speaker 1: talk to me. I'm going to solve all the world's
Speaker 1: problems in this moment. And then my husband was like,
Speaker 1: you're not okay. I was like, I'm really not okay.
Speaker 1: Like a lot is happening, and we have this beautiful session.
Speaker 1: We had this workshop within the community that night, which
Speaker 1: was such perfect timing, and within this workshop, I was
Speaker 1: able to explore what it would look like if I
Speaker 1: did things differently like that way of like tunnel vision,
Speaker 1: getting everything done, fixing it all in one day and
Speaker 1: stressing myself out. I've done for forty years, So what
Speaker 1: would the other way look like. I saw benj my husband,
Speaker 1: downstairs after this workshop, and I said, listen, I know
Speaker 1: I was in a wild state when you saw me.
Speaker 1: I need you to know that I'm going to practice
Speaker 1: something and tomorrow I am not going to do anything
Speaker 1: about those things I've already like literally shot off. I've
Speaker 1: taken so much action today to put out ten fires.
Speaker 1: But tomorrow I'm not going to chase like the fire engine.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to allow the action that I've taken
Speaker 1: to simmer and connect. I'm going to go to the beach,
Speaker 1: nice beach. You take my daughter to the beach, and
Speaker 1: I am physically going to take myself out of where
Speaker 1: I want to be with fixing. And it was in
Speaker 1: those moments, and that's what I said at the beginning
Speaker 1: of this, which was when the shit hits the fan,
Speaker 1: what learnings and what practices are you putting into place?
Speaker 1: Because we go to the place we feel the safest.
Speaker 1: We don't go to the place which we have the
Speaker 1: greatest growth. And so I took my own advice and
Speaker 1: I went to the beach and I did that stuff,
Speaker 1: and then I realized, with a bit of space, you
Speaker 1: have a bit of clarity that I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, this colleague leaving is the best thing for us.
Speaker 1: And it hurts because I love them, but you would
Speaker 1: never have let them go. You would never and this
Speaker 1: is holding the business back. What are you going to do?
Speaker 1: And so now on Monday morning, I have three incredible
Speaker 1: business strategists that are like the whole thing has just
Speaker 1: come together because there's been space and I've done something
Speaker 1: implemented the growth without kind of that habitual. You know,
Speaker 1: I wanted wine. I wanted heaps of wine. I wanted
Speaker 1: to eat heaps of chips, and I wanted to.
Speaker 2: Did you do any of that or did you just
Speaker 2: go to the beach spac I just went to the.
Speaker 1: Beach and then I went for a walk and it
Speaker 1: was like, this is so fucked being woke, Like how boring.
Speaker 1: And then on the weekend, I definitely had two glasses
Speaker 1: of red wine. That's me being really wild. And I've
Speaker 1: woken up today, no jet lag, and just like I
Speaker 1: just am excited, like I did all my practices this morning.
Speaker 1: I'm back. Yeah, and only it doesn't have to You
Speaker 1: don't to spiral for six months, hmm, Like you can
Speaker 1: like do this in a day.
Speaker 3: With manifestations, people often talk about not forcing, not forcing,
Speaker 3: not forcing. Yeah, you took a step back from there
Speaker 3: and you just allowed, and then all of a sudden
Speaker 3: it was trusty mantra.
Speaker 1: It was like let go, let go, you know, trust
Speaker 1: trust for us. But that's really hard for like a
Speaker 1: control freak. Even as a manifestation master like you. Still
Speaker 1: it's just a humbling experience because you never graduate from
Speaker 1: this stuff. Your life is just impacted by different situations
Speaker 1: and circumstances where you just keep leveling up and it's
Speaker 1: a beautiful life, like it's an extraordinary life. But what
Speaker 1: you see a success and what I see a success
Speaker 1: and the person listening are so vastly different. And I'm
Speaker 1: not playing the game anymore for whatever anybody else thinks
Speaker 1: is successful.
Speaker 3: For me, God, I get so caught up in that,
Speaker 3: I really do, and I think that I'm bigger than
Speaker 3: that or you know, mature enough to like see past it,
Speaker 3: but I still compare myself to so many people, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, why the hell am I comparing myself to her?
Speaker 3: I don't actually want to be like her, but I'm
Speaker 3: still comparing myself.
Speaker 1: But if you didn't want what she had, why you
Speaker 1: compare exactly?
Speaker 2: I don't know, because there must be an answer. There's
Speaker 2: gotta be something.
Speaker 3: I don't know because I feel like they've got more
Speaker 3: success than me, and I feel like I could be
Speaker 3: doing that, but then I'm like, no, but I don't
Speaker 3: want to be doing that.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: But do you think that their peers are looking at
Speaker 1: them like, oh, they're more successful than Polly?
Speaker 2: No one, no one's looking at it like that my brain,
Speaker 2: or like.
Speaker 1: Are they thinking, you know, Polly chose to live out
Speaker 1: in the wilderness and chose peace, and I'm still here
Speaker 1: doing the rat race thing? Like Polly's got success? I
Speaker 1: want that? Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Oh, it's the rose ten of glasses, It's the grass
Speaker 3: is always greener mentality. And I want to know, do
Speaker 3: you have an answer on how to get out of it?
Speaker 1: I think we need to get really really clear on
Speaker 1: what we want and why we want it. And if
Speaker 1: you come from a place of ego where I want
Speaker 1: what she has or I want that job, because then
Speaker 1: my peers think, or my mum will think, or I'll
Speaker 1: drive a Lamborghini and hot chicks will like me. Versus
Speaker 1: I want to do work that I feel passionate and
Speaker 1: purposeful and I want to be living a life in
Speaker 1: integrity and of service to others are two very different things.
Speaker 1: Like it's okay to want fancy shit because our ego
Speaker 1: is always running in the background and we want people
Speaker 1: to give us a compliment or acknowledge us or make
Speaker 1: us seen like it's very human. But that's fine online
Speaker 1: a superficial level when we're talking about like our life
Speaker 1: path and our purpose, like get really clear on why,
Speaker 1: because when we go back to that whole point of
Speaker 1: like feeling the feeling of being the most successful version
Speaker 1: of yourself, right, if you're living that feeling, walking as
Speaker 1: if you're that person, talking as if you're that person,
Speaker 1: you're going to be attracting so many opportunities and people
Speaker 1: and places and things and serendipitous moments that meet you
Speaker 1: there when it's in truth versus ego, and so it's
Speaker 1: like you can keep trying to out smart yourself or
Speaker 1: you can just like surrender your options.
Speaker 3: Yes, And when you get into those mindset's this such
Speaker 3: roadblocks and obstacles to actually getting what you want, Like
Speaker 3: they're just fucking waste of time, waste of time.
Speaker 1: And you think you want the push, right, yeah, and
Speaker 1: then you get it and you realize no one is
Speaker 1: looking at you in your push, No one gives a
Speaker 1: shit about you and your push, like they really don't.
Speaker 1: And the people that do, like, oh, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 3: I remember when I was in Australia and I was
Speaker 3: on billboards and I was like, really good work it,
Speaker 3: and I just remember going, as I say, I was
Speaker 3: like fin o this river, this is not going to
Speaker 3: be this, Like there was such a big part of
Speaker 3: me that didn't feel that deep sense of fulfillment, and
Speaker 3: like that was confronting to a lot of people. I
Speaker 3: think they were like, why would you step away when
Speaker 3: you're in you know, this position? And I was like,
Speaker 3: I can't really explain it, but I just got to
Speaker 3: go home and I got to grab my roads. And
Speaker 3: you're like, you've got to follow those nudges.
Speaker 1: And I think that people see that as successful when
Speaker 1: you're not being dictated to by what society is you
Speaker 1: should have and you're following your truth, even if that
Speaker 1: looks crazy, like living in this beautiful home and not
Speaker 1: wanting it anymore because it's too much and you don't
Speaker 1: know it's too much until you're in it and going
Speaker 1: like I want something that is enough, not too much,
Speaker 1: Like it's weird for people are not okay, and that's
Speaker 1: okay because they're not in the same place as you,
Speaker 1: and you just have to be like you will be
Speaker 1: confronting for people because they are being mirrored what is
Speaker 1: actually drinking back to them and that's not your problem.
Speaker 1: You just have to be in your truth.
Speaker 3: So you're going to get a tiny home and like
Speaker 3: living to.
Speaker 1: Rural New Zealand next to you fighting for your your
Speaker 1: radio job.
Speaker 3: So I have to seen you talk about the imbortance
Speaker 3: of boundaries, particularly over the last couple of years. Can
Speaker 3: you talk through that, Like how does that look for you?
Speaker 3: Saying no as a former people pleaser, Oh.
Speaker 1: My god, Like I had Terry Cole, who is like
Speaker 1: the boundary master, come on board and take us through it,
Speaker 1: and I think it's just such an interesting thing, especially
Speaker 1: raising a little girl to you know, what we're like
Speaker 1: as women and how we were raised as children in
Speaker 1: the eighties and nineties is such a impact on our
Speaker 1: boundaries sexually, with consent, with work, with like signing off
Speaker 1: your email's kiss kiss, like like all of the stuff
Speaker 1: as a woman and boundaries versus even bringing in you know,
Speaker 1: men into the equation and how they do boundaries that
Speaker 1: just seem so much more adequate than we are. But boundaries.
Speaker 1: So I'm writing a book. It's in its almost at
Speaker 1: its final edit, and your first part it's my first deal.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's so great. Congratulations, thank you.
Speaker 1: It's such a wonderful experience. But this, this whole I
Speaker 1: have this whole chapter around boundaries because it's almost like
Speaker 1: and I explain it like this, like having a door,
Speaker 1: bitch right to your energy into yourself and you are
Speaker 1: a exquisite like very very elevated club. You know, like
Speaker 1: we're talking, you just can't get in. You need like
Speaker 1: a membership, you need who's who, Like it is like
Speaker 1: the Kram Della Cram, and then you've got drunks out
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night trying to get into
Speaker 1: your club. It's like no they're going to come in,
Speaker 1: piss on the walls, have punch up, smash all the glasses,
Speaker 1: like absolutely not, like this is a sacred place. Boundaries
Speaker 1: are for us. It looks like we're putting a boundary
Speaker 1: there for somebody else, but they are for us. And
Speaker 1: when we say, unfortunately, I'm out of office from three
Speaker 1: pm every day, and the emails keep coming and you
Speaker 1: get back to them on a Monday and they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: you didn't get back to my emails. Yeah, it really
Speaker 1: clearly states that I'm out of office from three pm
Speaker 1: without an explanation. When a family member wants to come
Speaker 1: over and see your newborn baby but they're sick, and
Speaker 1: you're like, sorry, we're not having visitors for this week
Speaker 1: and next, and I'd really appreciate it if you could
Speaker 1: let me know when you're well and then we'll organize
Speaker 1: a time that suits us. You know, like all of
Speaker 1: these things, it's not people see it as being rude.
Speaker 1: It's not being rude. It's allowing people to understand your
Speaker 1: standards and what you require in life. People think that
Speaker 1: I am very particular neurotic, and some of those things
Speaker 1: are true, but I also have exceptional standards for myself
Speaker 1: and then for everybody else. If you're in my orbit,
Speaker 1: and if you're not, like I don't mind, but if
Speaker 1: you're working with me or if we're friends, there is
Speaker 1: a quality that I expect and that I like will
Speaker 1: return in favor. And I think the boundaries help that.
Speaker 1: And I'm really willing, like I love other people's boundaries.
Speaker 1: When I see someone like set a boundary, I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: that's hot. I'm so sexy for them, Like, I like respect,
Speaker 1: you have self respect, So I mean you want more information.
Speaker 1: The whole workshop gives you like play by play on
Speaker 1: how to set a boundary. But this also will come
Speaker 1: up in moments that feel deeply uncomfortable, where you will
Speaker 1: people please when you really should set a boundary.
Speaker 2: And so how do you how do you prevent that?
Speaker 3: Like when it as an in this like spur of
Speaker 3: the moment kind of thing and someone's there and you're
Speaker 3: like not prepared for it because I guess we're boundaries.
Speaker 3: Sometimes people can be ready to reply with an email
Speaker 3: or whatever butt offect when one comes up and they
Speaker 3: ask something in your face and you're like, like the
Speaker 3: people pleaser might want to come out, but like of course, I.
Speaker 1: Would say, like, if we're going from full on people
Speaker 1: pleasing to boundaries, there's like an evolution. I would ask
Speaker 1: for time. I would say like, oh, that's a really
Speaker 1: interesting question. Could I get back to you on that,
Speaker 1: not in a in five minutes or in a day.
Speaker 1: Can I get back to you on that. That's a
Speaker 1: really kind way to pause yourself. Then you could reflect
Speaker 1: and go like, oh no, I could have said thank
Speaker 1: you so much for the opportunity, it just doesn't fit
Speaker 1: for me, or unfortunately I can't stay back today. I
Speaker 1: have some commitments, you know, or unfortunately my contracts it
Speaker 1: I end every day five o'clock. I won't be staying back,
Speaker 1: but we can negotiate if you wanted to explore something further.
Speaker 1: So I think to start with us for time, and
Speaker 1: then reflect on what you really wanted to say, and
Speaker 1: then always lead with kindness. It's like being really firm,
Speaker 1: but being really kind.
Speaker 3: And how has life changed since you've been bitter sitting
Speaker 3: these boundaries?
Speaker 1: Like you just have so much more time. You can't
Speaker 1: like life is too short to do things you feel
Speaker 1: obligated to do unless you're in a contract.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't really get out of that.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm really in this transitional evolution even with friendships
Speaker 1: with family members, Like, really, I'm doing some big stuff,
Speaker 1: ending some big relationships that have required endings for a
Speaker 1: long time that I haven't been able to do out
Speaker 1: of obligation. And you don't. No one deserves anything from
Speaker 1: you if they're not meeting you. And it feels so good.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that. There are parts of me, like
Speaker 1: the shadowy parts of myself that don't miss them, you know,
Speaker 1: and the comfort of certain parts of the relationship. But
Speaker 1: the commitment to myself is more important than that.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, I love that.
Speaker 3: So how would you describe how life feels right now
Speaker 3: for you?
Speaker 1: Really exciting? Thursday wasn't so exciting. Today is really exciting.
Speaker 1: There is a lot of movement, there's a lot of change,
Speaker 1: but I am so willing to evolve and just I
Speaker 1: think I've had that weird, you know, society impact on
Speaker 1: me where I have to keep scaling and growing and scaling,
Speaker 1: and now I'm just like, no, no, I'm.
Speaker 3: Just going to I'm going to downsize.
Speaker 1: Yes, the quality of what I've got out there is
Speaker 1: so high, it's ever green. We don't I don't need
Speaker 1: need to do more without that happening really organically.
Speaker 3: If there was a quote that you live by, or
Speaker 3: you think there's a quote that is such a good
Speaker 3: mantra for one's life, there's one, pop to the top
Speaker 3: of your head.
Speaker 1: I've got one. We had to we did this for
Speaker 1: the book, and I was like, asking you shall receive,
Speaker 1: and it's actually that quote is actually in the Bible,
Speaker 1: and so we had to like reference the Bible. And
Speaker 1: then they're like, you're definitely setting the wrong tone. So
Speaker 1: I removed asking you to receive to whether you think
Speaker 1: it's true or not. Hang on, it's oh my god,
Speaker 1: whether you think it what do you think it's true
Speaker 1: or not?
Speaker 2: You're right right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: This is some one like that, like whether you think
Speaker 3: you can or not, you're right right as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I love that because it's the same thing.
Speaker 1: There's too many like I love let go or be dragged.
Speaker 1: That's one of my favorite things therapist because she's very
Speaker 1: My therapist is like a psychologist, but she's definitely spiritually inclined.
Speaker 1: We had this real we had an amazing session and
Speaker 1: we kind of I guess I said that and she's
Speaker 1: kept it forever as a reminder to me is like,
Speaker 1: you know, you can choose the hard way or the
Speaker 1: easy way, it's still going to be the way.
Speaker 2: Oh that's good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really.
Speaker 3: Good for someone who's in a bit of a rut
Speaker 3: at the moment, feeling like they're not loving their best
Speaker 3: life and there's so much more that they want to
Speaker 3: be achieving, but they just feel like they're kind of stuck.
Speaker 3: Do you have any advice to get out of that rut?
Speaker 1: I mean, join the membership, use me to your disposus,
Speaker 1: come in. Don't know something really seriously though, within that
Speaker 1: community is having people around you to inspire you. We
Speaker 1: call them rises, and they're people that show, like, you
Speaker 1: know how you were like comparing yourself to the girl
Speaker 1: at the radio station, being able to transform her into
Speaker 1: if you wanted that you didn't want that, right, but
Speaker 1: say that you did. Transforming that envy into someone that
Speaker 1: stretches you, that you can talk to, that you're inspired
Speaker 1: by is such an amazing way. And within the community,
Speaker 1: you have all these people every day going oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm stuck, I'm in a rut, and you have someone
Speaker 1: else coming up with this helped me or did you
Speaker 1: try this or this meditation is amazing, or did you
Speaker 1: do the Inner Child Workshop? And then you've got people
Speaker 1: that are there to champion you. You've got people there
Speaker 1: that can help you do priming phone calls. I think
Speaker 1: staying accountable is the biggest thing. It's kind of like
Speaker 1: a gym work membership or losing weight or doing something new.
Speaker 1: You have to have accountability. And that's why I created
Speaker 1: the community is because and I'm talking about the Arise
Speaker 1: community is because when I was in this ten years
Speaker 1: ago and there was no one doing it. It's so
Speaker 1: hard to stay committed and to believe. And even when
Speaker 1: you've called in everything and you've taken the aligned action
Speaker 1: and you've done everything, and you're in the abyss, which
Speaker 1: is the time where we wait for the manifestation to occur,
Speaker 1: it's hard. Bit I hate the most, and so having
Speaker 1: being in a space that's safe and you can just
Speaker 1: be like I am dying here, like my patience is
Speaker 1: running out what I do And they're like, go back
Speaker 1: to trust, go back to gratitude, do like, go back
Speaker 1: to the work. It's such a helpful thing because when
Speaker 1: you're out on your loan like an island, and you're
Speaker 1: in the abyss. You're like, it doesn't work. Fuck this shit.
Speaker 1: I'm going back to my old job that I hate.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I've created the thing I needed the most
Speaker 1: and it's very impactful.
Speaker 3: So people can find that just if we want to
Speaker 3: do a little fluggy blood plug.
Speaker 1: I think it's I think, oh my gosh, I should notice.
Speaker 1: I think it's a rise dot com dot a U
Speaker 1: A R double I S E. Or on Instagram it's
Speaker 1: a rise AAR double a se to Scot under Scot
Speaker 1: underscore because I fucked up the first time?
Speaker 2: Did you in charge of her?
Speaker 3: Come on, guys, guys, that's why you act like you're
Speaker 3: terrible and then no one asks you to do things.
Speaker 1: I know. It's a good good technicians accomplishent woman.
Speaker 3: Okay, so I'm going to wrap this podcast up with
Speaker 3: some advice that you would give to your younger self.
Speaker 3: Let's say Zoe is it early twenties, she's just finding
Speaker 3: her way through life. What would be the biggest nuggative
Speaker 3: wisdom that you would in part on younger Zoe.
Speaker 1: It's going to get really really bad and then it's
Speaker 1: going to get really really good. So just have faith
Speaker 1: when you want to give up, but it gets really good.
Speaker 3: Like just trust so beautiful Zoe, and so nice to
Speaker 3: reconnect with you today.
Speaker 2: I just love because you talk about.
Speaker 3: Evolving and how you love growth and all of that,
Speaker 3: and I just feel like every time I see you,
Speaker 3: you're like an upgraded version of yourself. I love that.
Speaker 1: It'd be terrible if I'd like gone backwards, right, You'd
Speaker 1: be like, what a disappointment.
Speaker 2: No, but you are.
Speaker 3: But like you grow, you just constantly shifting with whatever
Speaker 3: challenges are throwing your way. And I always looked at
Speaker 3: you as an inspiration. So thank you so much for
Speaker 3: coming on the podcast today.
Speaker 1: Thank you beautiful girl, and can't wait to see you
Speaker 1: in real life one day.
Speaker 2: Oh that was my chat with Zelly.
Speaker 3: I really hope you enjoyed it. Love to know what
Speaker 3: you got out of that conversation the most. I think
Speaker 3: some of my big takeaways were they're getting up thirty
Speaker 3: minutes earlier. It sounds like such a simple one, but
Speaker 3: even when you put it like, oh, if you've got
Speaker 3: to be tired, got to be thirty minutes earlier, you
Speaker 3: know you have.
Speaker 2: To be.
Speaker 3: Strict on sleep. Like sleep at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: is it runs us like honestly, we have to get
Speaker 3: strict on it.
Speaker 2: And I for one, and very guilty at staying up too.
Speaker 3: Late watching TV, particularly lately.
Speaker 2: So that was a really good reminder for me.
Speaker 3: And also I loved when she was talking about being
Speaker 3: the gatekeeper for your energy and being ruthless and really
Speaker 3: setting the boundaries of who gets to come into your life, which,
Speaker 3: as she said, it sounds, you know, a con soound
Speaker 3: quite brash and rude and brutal, but I mean, if
Speaker 3: you want to give the best version of yourself, you
Speaker 3: have to get really clear on.
Speaker 2: Who you want to bring into your world. And then finally,
Speaker 2: I really.
Speaker 3: Liked that story when she hit that really shitty day
Speaker 3: and just letting go when she hits the fan, instead
Speaker 3: of trying to fix everything and going into just the
Speaker 3: biggest state of overwhelm, actually removing yourself from that situation
Speaker 3: and going to the beach, going for a walk, whatever
Speaker 3: it is, just getting out of that moment where the
Speaker 3: world feels like it's falling in or the sky feels
Speaker 3: like it's falling in, and actually stepping back gives you
Speaker 3: the other perspective. So I really like that, not trying
Speaker 3: to push it in those situations and just taking a
Speaker 3: deep breath and realizing it's actually not the end of
Speaker 3: the world. But I would love to know what you
Speaker 3: got out of the chat this week, and you can
Speaker 3: help me up on Instagram, PJDJ see me a little message.
Speaker 3: I'd love to know of any other people you think
Speaker 3: would be great to get on for Slow It Down.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for joining me for my first episode.
Speaker 3: I really appreciate it, and I'll see you next week.