Speaker 1: With the Heads Podcast Network.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Slow It Down.
Speaker 1: I am your host, PJ Harding, and this podcast is
Speaker 1: all around how we can find peace in the chaos.
Speaker 1: Chaos is not going anywhere, I've learned that much. So
Speaker 1: it's about finding ways that we can stay sane and
Speaker 1: ground it in this wild world that we're living in.
Speaker 1: And every week I've got a new guest who comes
Speaker 1: on to share parts of their life and things that
Speaker 1: help them when they're struggling. This week, I'm joined by
Speaker 1: the gorgeous Sam Frost, who burst onto the scene in
Speaker 1: Australia when she appeared on season two of The Bachelor
Speaker 1: in twenty fourteen. There was quite the dramatic ending to
Speaker 1: the season.
Speaker 2: You can look that up on line.
Speaker 1: But then Sam went on to start in the first
Speaker 1: season of The Bachelorette Australia. She then went on to
Speaker 1: do radio starring Home in a Way. She has become
Speaker 1: a vocal mental health advocate and written her own book
Speaker 1: called Believe by Sam Frost, and she this is the
Speaker 1: coolest Thing. Most recently has gone around Australia and a
Speaker 1: caravan with her partner and their one year old Ted
Speaker 1: and they've filmed their travels, which we documented at a
Speaker 1: new TV show, which I think is living the dream.
Speaker 2: I really enjoyed.
Speaker 1: Sitting down with Sam and having a chat and we
Speaker 1: do cover a range of issues from cancel culture to
Speaker 1: bringant see to the surprises of motherhood, and we talk
Speaker 1: about her.
Speaker 2: Own mental health struggles.
Speaker 1: So a reminder if you're in ensis one seven three
Speaker 1: seven is a free service for Kiwi's feeling down, anxious,
Speaker 1: a bit overwhelmed, or if you just need to chat someone,
Speaker 1: you can call or text anytime for free. Twenty four seven.
Speaker 1: Let's get into the chat. I am very excited for
Speaker 1: our guest on the show today. Now I don't want
Speaker 1: to make this about me, but we actually have a
Speaker 1: few things in common. I'm finding you have a gorgeous
Speaker 1: young son called Teddy ted Titty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ted Teddy whatever, and.
Speaker 1: Now you're expecting baby double two.
Speaker 2: I am congratulations, thank.
Speaker 3: You so much. I'm really excited. Yeah. So the little
Speaker 3: ones due in March next year. So I'm past halfway. Marcus,
Speaker 3: I'm statid, which.
Speaker 2: Are you so? How many how many weeks?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: You know what? I can't really like twenty twenty two
Speaker 3: or twenty.
Speaker 1: Three I'm twenty tomorrow.
Speaker 4: You are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh it's horrible, arendous?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. How long did it
Speaker 3: take me to get okay again?
Speaker 1: It was probably maybe like probably zoo teen sixteen weeks,
Speaker 1: But then still I've definitely been more nauseous this time around.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's so funny.
Speaker 4: I was exactly the same, And I've got girlfriends that
Speaker 4: are now having their second and saying the same thing,
Speaker 4: like everyone's just feeling really nauseous and vomity.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's because we just don't get
Speaker 1: a break.
Speaker 2: It's time round.
Speaker 1: So the body's like, hey, then, like, can you look
Speaker 1: after me?
Speaker 2: I'm just going to turn my back on you.
Speaker 3: Honestly, it's wild.
Speaker 4: I was like a couch potato, like literally stuck on
Speaker 4: a couch for like two months.
Speaker 3: It was awful.
Speaker 1: Oh and so what were you doing during that time?
Speaker 1: Have you been, because obviously you've been filming this epic
Speaker 1: caravan trip with your partner and your one year old
Speaker 1: or two year old.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so he's, oh my gosh, I'm so bad. Like months,
Speaker 4: he's like one and a half almost two.
Speaker 1: It's funny when you like get beyond the months because
Speaker 1: you like call them eleven months in twelve and thirteen.
Speaker 2: Then you just lose track.
Speaker 4: Oh I don't know, and I don't have the brain
Speaker 4: capacity to do quick math and figure out what months
Speaker 4: it is. And I'm like, I don't know, Like his
Speaker 4: birthdays in March, you figure it out.
Speaker 1: So how did it fall into place with everything you're
Speaker 1: doing at the moment? Like what was life looking like
Speaker 1: for you when you felt pregnant for the second time?
Speaker 3: Oh? Do you know what?
Speaker 4: It was so funny because we were actually caravanning.
Speaker 3: He's a little caravan baby, this one, because the caravan through.
Speaker 4: Western Australia, and it was the first time. Have you
Speaker 4: got another little baby?
Speaker 3: I do?
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah yeah, just just the one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a two year old called Charlie.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Great, so you'll get it. So I was like, it
Speaker 4: took me a really long time to start feeling like
Speaker 4: myself again after my first and you know, because your
Speaker 4: body is changing, you're tired, my son hates sleeping.
Speaker 3: So it was actually the first time I was like
Speaker 3: feeling good.
Speaker 4: I was like, my body was getting back, I was
Speaker 4: vibing again.
Speaker 3: I was having some cocktails and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, this is great, like, hallo, Sam, I've missed
Speaker 4: you so much anyway, and then.
Speaker 3: We got a little bit too excited. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: two is on the way.
Speaker 2: So I love it lot.
Speaker 1: It's such a good feeling when you start kind of
Speaker 1: remembering what it was like to feel kind of normal
Speaker 1: once you come out of that postpartum haze.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah it is.
Speaker 4: And now that like we've gone like back to back,
Speaker 4: I just I can't remember those two weeks of feeling
Speaker 4: good and and I'm like, it's been a long time.
Speaker 4: It's been years since I've felt like myself. I said
Speaker 4: to my partner. I was like, no one misses me
Speaker 4: more than me. Yeah, yes, because like I'm sure he
Speaker 4: doesn't say anything, but I'm sure there's moments where he's like, oh, like,
Speaker 4: well he actually does say. I guess all you do
Speaker 4: is sleep like I'm died.
Speaker 3: I'm really tired.
Speaker 1: Anyway, It's yeah, it is a lot, Are you quite?
Speaker 2: Like I don't know what it's been the last couple
Speaker 2: of days. I've just been so angry.
Speaker 1: It is stupid the stuff, And I'm like, I have
Speaker 1: to keep telling myself, this is the hormones, it's not
Speaker 1: you you're not that much of a badge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I don't know anymore, you know what I mean,
Speaker 4: Like it's all like merged into one. I'm like, I
Speaker 4: can't blame my hormones anyone, I'm not sure, but yeah,
Speaker 4: I've been foul, like just so grumpy. And we did
Speaker 4: another trip in our caravan just recently, just going up
Speaker 4: North Queensland and Australia, and I had to say to George.
Speaker 3: I was just like, I'm so sorry. I was just
Speaker 3: being a grumpy Yeah, Like I was so grumpy. I
Speaker 3: was just like uncomfortable and.
Speaker 1: You wake up from it and then you're like, oh
Speaker 1: and you don't really remember what you were like yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, seriously, honestly, it's really crazy, but yeah I did.
Speaker 4: Actually I had to apologize. I was like, I know,
Speaker 4: I'm being a grumpy and I am anyway, and like
Speaker 4: I'm my face is puffy and I'm tired.
Speaker 1: Yeah you still do you reckon? You're selling the sweet
Speaker 1: spot like a nets you can try or are you
Speaker 1: starting to get to the other end.
Speaker 2: There's like that sweet spot in the middle, right you
Speaker 2: know what.
Speaker 4: I had that in the first and I'm still waiting
Speaker 4: for the sweet spot. I'm like, is it coming? You know,
Speaker 4: but I always have to I'm always like saying to myself.
Speaker 4: I said, actually, a girlfriend of mine said to me,
Speaker 4: because I'm always like, I'm so grateful, I'm so grateful,
Speaker 4: I'm so grateful. Because I am so grateful, I'm not huge.
Speaker 4: And my girlfriend said to me, you know, you don't
Speaker 4: have to say grateful all the time. You can just
Speaker 4: say you hate it.
Speaker 1: Okay, that is really fucking hard.
Speaker 4: Okay hard, but yeah, so anyway, it's yeah, it's a journey.
Speaker 1: I loved hearing the very real fears that you had
Speaker 1: going into motherhood for the first time. I think that's
Speaker 1: so relatable. I remember writing down all of these things
Speaker 1: that I just thought I was inadequately equipped, like all
Speaker 1: of the reasons why I was inadequately Oh my god,
Speaker 1: why can I not say that inadequately equipment to be
Speaker 1: a mom? And I was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: can barely look after myself, like I get anxious. Is
Speaker 1: just going to exacerbate all of these emotions. Can you
Speaker 1: talk through how you felt before and then what the
Speaker 1: reality for you was like? And I know this isn't
Speaker 1: for everyone, but I know so many people are scared
Speaker 1: that they're just going to turn into the biggest monster ever,
Speaker 1: which we you know, sometimes you do have those moments,
Speaker 1: but oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: Those moments. But yeah, I think the fears beforehand.
Speaker 4: You know, I've had like years and years battling depression
Speaker 4: and anxiety, and I.
Speaker 3: Was really nervous that I was.
Speaker 4: I was worried I was going to have personal depression
Speaker 4: because I felt like it's in my family, and I
Speaker 4: just wanted to make sure that I could be the
Speaker 4: best mother. I didn't want to you know, I've had
Speaker 4: to work through a lot of things. I've through psychologists
Speaker 4: and all sorts of things for you basically since I
Speaker 4: was a late teenager because of things that I've gone
Speaker 4: through in my childhood, and I just wanted to make
Speaker 4: sure that I wasn't going to project any of that
Speaker 4: onto my children. I was worried that, you know, like,
Speaker 4: is am I too broken to have a child?
Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean? So I think that
Speaker 3: was a real fear for me.
Speaker 4: And then I went to see a psychologist when I
Speaker 4: found out I was pregnant, a new one because I'd
Speaker 4: moved up the coast, and I found this really amazing
Speaker 4: moment she was so fantastic, and I saw her regularly
Speaker 4: from about a second try to after Ted was born,
Speaker 4: and she was amazing at just alleviating fears and helping me.
Speaker 3: With tools of what to do when I'm feeling low.
Speaker 4: She's like, she goes, because when you have that baby,
Speaker 4: then all of a sudden, all these hormones are happening,
Speaker 4: and you.
Speaker 3: Know, so like trying to trying to be.
Speaker 4: The best mum already when you don't have these issues
Speaker 4: is hard enough, let alone if you do have a
Speaker 4: history with mental illness. So anyway, but she just reassured me,
Speaker 4: and she was amazing. So I'm so glad that I
Speaker 4: did that. And then the reality is I loved being
Speaker 4: like I love being a mum, and I was like
Speaker 4: as soon as Ted was born, I was just like
Speaker 4: I was vibing it. I love newborn stage. And you know,
Speaker 4: I knew that it was only temporary. You're tired, for sure,
Speaker 4: but you've got this beautiful bundle that you just love
Speaker 4: more than anything in this world. And you know, my
Speaker 4: son is the most happiest secure. I know that he
Speaker 4: feels safe, and I feel like I'm doing a pretty
Speaker 4: good job. So yeah, I feel really grateful that I
Speaker 4: had that help during my pregnancy, just that reassurance, and yeah,
Speaker 4: I feel really confident with where.
Speaker 3: I'm at the moment.
Speaker 1: It's so refreshing to hear and I've heard you speak
Speaker 1: about this before about motherhood and such a positive light.
Speaker 1: It's so nice to hear the beautiful reality of the amazing,
Speaker 1: magical time it is as well. And it's almost like
Speaker 1: mums have shame in that, you know, if they have
Speaker 1: a positive experience, whether it's the birth or whether it's
Speaker 1: the pregnancy, you just kind of want to keep it
Speaker 1: quiet because you don't want to make others around you
Speaker 1: feel shit.
Speaker 2: About themselves, right, But it shouldn't have to be that.
Speaker 1: Way, And if you have a good experience, I think
Speaker 1: it's equally important to share it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so too, And I've thoroughly enjoyed being
Speaker 4: a mum. Like I think that I feel like my
Speaker 4: life is actually started now that I have a child,
Speaker 4: and I think about what I was doing beforehand, and
Speaker 4: I was like, what was I even doing?
Speaker 3: I just you know, just I felt like I was
Speaker 3: just like floating around And that's just that's just my
Speaker 3: personal experience, you know.
Speaker 4: I have so many friends that aren't having children, that
Speaker 4: can't have children.
Speaker 3: So this is just my personal experience and I'm just
Speaker 3: sharing that.
Speaker 4: And I know some people are completely different, but yeah,
Speaker 4: I just really felt I just feel like I have
Speaker 4: purpose now and it just is so.
Speaker 3: Fulfilling to be a mother, you know. Yeah, And I
Speaker 3: love it.
Speaker 4: Like he's like he's like the funny funny and I
Speaker 4: get to hang out with like this really small, funny
Speaker 4: human all the time.
Speaker 2: The more they talk, Oh my god, it's just so good.
Speaker 3: I know, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you were seeing the psychologists and she sort
Speaker 1: of went through, you know, some tips and tracks and
Speaker 1: techniques that you could use. Can you share some of
Speaker 1: those things that do help you in those times when
Speaker 1: you feeling really low and you're feeling really lost.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, a lot of the things that she was
Speaker 4: talking to me about was because the main issue that
Speaker 4: I had during those during my pregnancy, the thing that
Speaker 4: was weighing on me the most is I wanted to
Speaker 4: make sure my child has a secure attachment to me
Speaker 4: because I have had a I can't remember what it's
Speaker 4: called now that I'm a.
Speaker 3: Would have probably come to me, I don't have a healthy.
Speaker 1: One and secure attachment or I know the word, I
Speaker 1: know what you made think, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I just can't think of it either.
Speaker 3: Yeah either. Anyway, our brain's art working. That doesn't matter,
Speaker 3: you know brains. Yeah, so yeah, So anyway, that was
Speaker 3: the biggest thing.
Speaker 4: And she told me, she goes, do you know you
Speaker 4: only have to get it right thirty percent of the
Speaker 4: time to have a secure attachment to your child. She's
Speaker 4: that's it, And she's like, and the biggest thing is
Speaker 4: the repair stage of the cycle.
Speaker 3: So you know, you you might. She was, You're gonna have.
Speaker 4: Days where you raise your voice. You're gonna have days
Speaker 4: that you're not your best. You're gonna have days where
Speaker 4: you behave the way that you don't want to behave.
Speaker 3: And she's like, because you're tired, your.
Speaker 4: Hormonier, you've got a lot of things going on, you've
Speaker 4: got stresses everywhere. She goes, he's perfectly normal to break,
Speaker 4: to not be your perfect self, to not be the
Speaker 4: best mum all the time. And she goes, and that's fine,
Speaker 4: but it's how you recover from those moments that's.
Speaker 3: What creates a secure attachment.
Speaker 4: So saying apologizing to your child is what is so
Speaker 4: much more beneficial to the child than if you're this
Speaker 4: perfect mum all the time, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: So if you so I doled all the time, Like
Speaker 4: you know, I was really tired, and I you know,
Speaker 4: I you know.
Speaker 3: Raise my voice at ted because he was just screaming
Speaker 3: at me and I was trying it.
Speaker 4: I was on this important call and I was like, mate,
Speaker 4: I'm on the phone. And afterwards and like, I don't
Speaker 4: like doing that. Obviously that's the girl.
Speaker 1: That's horrid, isn't it.
Speaker 3: It's horrific.
Speaker 4: And then afterwards, even though he's only one and a half,
Speaker 4: I'm you're saying to him, I sat him down, I
Speaker 4: gave him big cuddle, and I was just like, I'm
Speaker 4: really sorry, mate, I shouldn't have spoken to you like that.
Speaker 4: I was just stressed and I was on the phone
Speaker 4: and that's not okay, and I'm really sorry. And I
Speaker 4: gave him a cuddle. Even though he doesn't understand what
Speaker 4: that means. I'm sure he understands that I'm apologizing and
Speaker 4: giving him a hug and repairing that and not just
Speaker 4: you know, the last thing you want to do is
Speaker 4: then get off the phone and then yell at you
Speaker 4: child and be like I was on the phone, like
Speaker 4: that's not going to be helpful at all.
Speaker 1: So it's it's owning your behavior because that first of all,
Speaker 1: you just say that makes me feel so much better
Speaker 1: because no mother is perfect. I don't think any mother
Speaker 1: is perfect, like at all of it that, but that
Speaker 1: is something I consciously try and do is just own
Speaker 1: up when I've stuffed up and saying that was mummy
Speaker 1: shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry, mummy's tired. She
Speaker 1: didn't mean that. I love you so much, you know,
Speaker 1: and then just give them that kind of affirming that
Speaker 1: they are loved and it's not there and I don't
Speaker 1: have that sense of blame.
Speaker 4: Yes, absolutely, And she said to me, that's the most
Speaker 4: important thing. That's that's far more important than anything else.
Speaker 4: And yeah, She's like, you know, if you're if you're
Speaker 4: a good mon thirty percent of the time and you're
Speaker 4: getting it right, then that's going to create a secure attachment.
Speaker 3: And I was just like, gee, that's not too bad.
Speaker 4: So when I talk to my friends and family about it,
Speaker 4: I was like, mate, thirty percent of the time, don't.
Speaker 3: Be so hard on yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a good one.
Speaker 2: It's a really good one.
Speaker 1: What about like tools that you use too, I mean
Speaker 1: not from the psychologist, but things that have worked for
Speaker 1: you over the years.
Speaker 2: When you are in a really.
Speaker 1: Tough space mentally and you just need to break free
Speaker 1: in a way, like you just you're in a rut
Speaker 1: and you just want to reset.
Speaker 2: What do you do?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 3: The first thing I would do is get rid of
Speaker 3: my phone.
Speaker 4: I think phones are so problematic in terms of when
Speaker 4: you're in that spirally head headspace and you're like feeling
Speaker 4: anxious and you're feeling down. I don't think it's I
Speaker 4: don't I don't think social media is good for your
Speaker 4: mental health at all. I think that turning your phone
Speaker 4: off and going outside and breathing and trying to ground yourself,
Speaker 4: like going for a walk, going for a drive, doing
Speaker 4: something that sort of takes.
Speaker 3: You out of your head.
Speaker 4: Because a lot of the time, you know, people recommend
Speaker 4: going for walks when you're feeling really anxious, but sometimes
Speaker 4: you don't have that energy because you're you know, depending
Speaker 4: on where you're at with your mental health, you know,
Speaker 4: you might not have energy to go for a walk.
Speaker 4: So I would say to people, leave your phone at home,
Speaker 4: go for a drive and you know, either listen to
Speaker 4: nothing or listen to music. And I always find that
Speaker 4: that helps.
Speaker 3: Me sort of like shift through my brain and ground me.
Speaker 4: I think that's a really easy way. You know, when
Speaker 4: I'm when I can feel like a panic attack coming on,
Speaker 4: I'll lay on the ground. And fortunately I haven't had
Speaker 4: this for a while, but I will lay on the
Speaker 4: ground and do breathing exercises and just count and breathe in.
Speaker 3: Deeply and breathe out.
Speaker 4: And all I'm doing is telling my body that I'm
Speaker 4: actually safe and everything's okay.
Speaker 3: And it's just helped to regulate your.
Speaker 4: Body to calm itself and to realize you're actually safe
Speaker 4: instead of flicking into that flight.
Speaker 3: Or flight mode.
Speaker 4: So there are two things that I find really easy
Speaker 4: and things that you actually do because there's so many
Speaker 4: tips out there, Like you look online and you're like.
Speaker 3: I'm not doing that.
Speaker 4: I'm not doing that, like you know, especially when you're
Speaker 4: in that teeth excuse me, Yeah, when you're in that
Speaker 4: anxious headspace, you're not going to be I can't even
Speaker 4: remember what they are anymore, but I remember reading them going, no.
Speaker 3: One's doing that.
Speaker 2: Just keep it well, keep it simple.
Speaker 4: Lay on the ground and breathe, or go in the
Speaker 4: car and drive and do not take your phone.
Speaker 3: That's what I think is really helpful.
Speaker 4: And getting out of nature of course, like you know,
Speaker 4: going sitting outside, you know, and I just think, you know,
Speaker 4: I think that's really beneficial for me.
Speaker 1: When you were in your peak fame of reality TV
Speaker 1: and then Home and Away and you know, you were
Speaker 1: in the media a lot, did you do those things
Speaker 1: or do you reckon your head unhealthy habits because you didn't.
Speaker 4: Know, well, I definitely had unhealthy habits, you know that,
Speaker 4: like going on my phone and.
Speaker 3: And you know, certainly in my twenties, I used.
Speaker 4: To you know, you would get anxious and you' if
Speaker 4: I was in a relationship, you know, you'd feel anxious
Speaker 4: about something, and then you're banging out heaps of texts
Speaker 4: and you know, like you're like, put the fine down.
Speaker 4: You were not going to solve anything in a text message.
Speaker 4: That is what I would tell my younger self because.
Speaker 3: Now in the amount of times you're.
Speaker 1: Do you know what though, when you get those rage
Speaker 1: ticks that need to come out, you actually just need
Speaker 1: them to come out, but they don't need to be sent.
Speaker 1: They just need to be written in your notes and
Speaker 1: then deleted.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, exactly, go for a walkout side and have
Speaker 3: to think about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but yeah, you know, and like just obsessively checking
Speaker 4: social media like all those things. I think I definitely
Speaker 4: did when I was younger, and it was more the.
Speaker 3: You know, the anxiety that comes with.
Speaker 4: And I guess that's like being in a public as
Speaker 4: being a public figure as well, is because people do
Speaker 4: often write horrible things about you and comment horrible things.
Speaker 3: So the fear was validated.
Speaker 4: You know, because I'm like, well, every time I do
Speaker 4: check it, so one has something horrible.
Speaker 2: So why do you do it to yourself?
Speaker 4: Though?
Speaker 2: Why do we do it to ourselves.
Speaker 3: Because we're dumb.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so.
Speaker 3: That's that's why I just think.
Speaker 4: And it's really funny because now I have such a
Speaker 4: different relationship with social media. I have such a different
Speaker 4: relationship with that sort of with technology in my phone
Speaker 4: and stuff, because I just, you know, it's so irrelevant
Speaker 4: to my life, and yeah, looking back on how I
Speaker 4: used to be, I'm just like, you know, if you
Speaker 4: just turn your phone off or delete the app, it
Speaker 4: just goes away, like it actually doesn't exist.
Speaker 3: It's not here, it's not real.
Speaker 4: What's real is your family, is your friends, is what's
Speaker 4: in front of you. And the tiny computer that's in
Speaker 4: your head actually isn't the real world. You know.
Speaker 1: I am fascinated to know the true harm that it's
Speaker 1: actually doing to us, Like, oh, there is no good.
Speaker 1: I mean there are some good things that come from it.
Speaker 1: That there's so many harmful things that are coming from
Speaker 1: that little device.
Speaker 3: So many harmful things. It's wild.
Speaker 4: And then you even think about how your algorithms designed.
Speaker 3: It's designed to cause outrage.
Speaker 4: It knows what your beliefs are, and it will deliberately
Speaker 4: trigger things in you. It's deliberately triggering things in you so.
Speaker 3: You stay on the app for longer.
Speaker 4: So they're deliberately making something, designing something to inflict anxiety
Speaker 4: on you, to make you obsessed, to make you addicted,
Speaker 4: to bring.
Speaker 3: Up all these emotions.
Speaker 4: Because if you're outraged, I've read this study, if you're outraged,
Speaker 4: you're more likely to stay on social media than if
Speaker 4: you're in a happy headspace.
Speaker 1: So that's so stup.
Speaker 4: So it is, and like you know, and it's so
Speaker 4: wild to me that and I see and because I'll
Speaker 4: go on every now and again, and then I see people.
Speaker 3: Just buy it up, and you're like.
Speaker 1: Go out, get off your phone. Life is actually beautiful
Speaker 1: if you look right out aside. But you're right, we're
Speaker 1: addicted to the next thing constantly, like jumping on having
Speaker 1: an opinion, all right, next thing. Literally a day will
Speaker 1: pass and there's a brand new thing that's like, but
Speaker 1: I thought you kid so much about that. No, No,
Speaker 1: there's a new thing to get expletly outraged and hateful
Speaker 1: and nasty about.
Speaker 2: It's I think, Yeah, I was.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 1: I was on here in Melbourne pre COVID, and it
Speaker 1: was just it was really toxic. Not the people I
Speaker 1: was working with, but just we were going into a
Speaker 1: really toxic time and then COVID happened, And I know
Speaker 1: you went through a bloody tough time as you were
Speaker 1: literally just trying to have an open, honest conversation on
Speaker 1: your social media platform and then people went and on you,
Speaker 1: canceled you.
Speaker 2: You were a victim of cancel culture.
Speaker 1: Looking back, that must be pretty traumatic for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it was.
Speaker 4: It's hard to believe that it was even it even happened. Like,
Speaker 4: I feel so removed from it now, you know, I
Speaker 4: just feel so at the time I was really affected
Speaker 4: by it, obviously, and but even now I still see
Speaker 4: people trying to have conversations on there.
Speaker 3: And there is only one way you're allowed to think
Speaker 3: these days.
Speaker 4: There's mainstream media tells you you have to think this way,
Speaker 4: and if you don't think that way, then you're in
Speaker 4: like everyone's entitled to pile up on you and have
Speaker 4: a goal at you.
Speaker 2: And it's not it's not how a debate looks.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not healthy in any way for there
Speaker 1: just to always be one perspective on everything and you're
Speaker 1: right just sort of go through issues. It does feel
Speaker 1: that way, and if you even just try, and you
Speaker 1: try your beasts to kind of articulate, you just feel
Speaker 1: like you're getting wrong. So then people just don't even engage.
Speaker 1: And I think people just kind of shut themselves out
Speaker 1: because you're just so worried that you're going to get canceled.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just think, you know, I just think it's
Speaker 4: it's wild and I'll have the thing is like, what
Speaker 4: am I best girlfriends? We have completely different points of
Speaker 4: view of life, political opinions.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm not too political anyway, but I'm curious.
Speaker 3: I find myself curious.
Speaker 4: I'm like, like, even the whole Trump thing, right, I'm like,
Speaker 4: why did everyone vote for him?
Speaker 3: So I was like listening to some of.
Speaker 4: His podcasts and I was like trying to understand and
Speaker 4: it's and that's just my personality, Like I'm not the
Speaker 4: type of person that goes you think like.
Speaker 3: That you're a bad person. Yeah, I don't talk to me,
Speaker 3: like tell me why you think that.
Speaker 4: You know, I've got a friend that thinks it's fantastic
Speaker 4: Trump got in And I was like, that's really I
Speaker 4: find that really interesting because I don't know that opinion.
Speaker 4: I don't have that point of view.
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to cancel you as a friend
Speaker 1: because I think that because the reason that your opinion
Speaker 1: is like there is because of the experiences that you've
Speaker 1: had that have shaped you through your life. And that
Speaker 1: doesn't make you right or wrong for the way that
Speaker 1: you see it. It's so frustrating, isn't it?
Speaker 3: And isn't it interesting to have different points of view?
Speaker 3: Is it interesting to have a different.
Speaker 4: Conversation like I find And she raised some really valid
Speaker 4: points and I was just like that's really interesting, and
Speaker 4: I like having these conversations and I like immersing myself
Speaker 4: with interesting people that have different beliefs because or else,
Speaker 4: if you were just living in an echo chamber of
Speaker 4: what you think, you're never going to open your mind up,
Speaker 4: You're never going to see things differently, You're never gonna
Speaker 4: learn or grow because you're just like, I'm right, my
Speaker 4: opinion is right, this is right. And then that's how
Speaker 4: you have this really toxic culture. And that's probably one
Speaker 4: thing that I still think about that time in COVID,
Speaker 4: And I just think because now even the conversations that
Speaker 4: I was having back then are happening now, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: it's like.
Speaker 3: Four years two late.
Speaker 4: Guys like I'm trying to talk about this, and no
Speaker 4: one wanted to have the conversation, and now people going
Speaker 4: actually giving me something you were saying was like, you know,
Speaker 4: maybe then everyone's mental health was really affected during that time.
Speaker 4: O chay, that's interesting. You know, it's just it's just crazy.
Speaker 4: So you just I just yeah, it was a really wild.
Speaker 1: Was it a hard time to sort of wigde you
Speaker 1: through your way through the industry after that, having all
Speaker 1: these labels put on you called Eddie Vick's, I know
Speaker 1: you're immunize you even got the jabs in the inns,
Speaker 1: you know, have you found it really hard to shake that?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't pay enough attention to it, to
Speaker 4: be honest. I still work, like I still work, I
Speaker 4: still do things. I just don't consume it anymore. And
Speaker 4: I just think, yeah, I mean, it's just not real.
Speaker 4: And if and people love chucking a label on people
Speaker 4: love like generals love writing hectic articles, heavily criticisized articles.
Speaker 3: They love writing baby.
Speaker 4: Headlines, and you're like, you guys have to live with
Speaker 4: yourself doing that, like you know, and that's.
Speaker 3: Actually not real. And the people who know me, all
Speaker 3: my friends and my family know me so well, and
Speaker 3: they know that that is not what I'm like.
Speaker 4: I'm actually just a curious person that likes having conversations
Speaker 4: about difficult things and interesting things that you know.
Speaker 3: Now, like four years later, I can say.
Speaker 4: I can say that I feel really peaceful about everything
Speaker 4: that happened, but at the time I wasn't at all obviously,
Speaker 4: But yeah, I just think you don't actually know me.
Speaker 4: And if you're going to check those labels on me,
Speaker 4: go for it, because that's actually not true.
Speaker 1: It must have been really interesting when you went into
Speaker 1: the reality TV world and then like prior to that,
Speaker 1: you'd never had that exposure and all of these people
Speaker 1: in the public telling you what they think of you.
Speaker 1: How hard was it to not believe everything that you
Speaker 1: read at the beginning?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I mean it was, well, it was interesting
Speaker 3: because I even felt like that during that as well.
Speaker 4: It was really it was one of the most shocking
Speaker 4: things I think I've ever experienced, is real is and
Speaker 4: because like my season of The Bachelor blew up into
Speaker 4: this media frenzy.
Speaker 3: And so that was really bizarre to me.
Speaker 4: And I remember just going to my sister's house and
Speaker 4: just laying We're just being like, these people think that
Speaker 4: they know me, but they don't. So it's been like
Speaker 4: a consistent feeling throughout my career. But yeah, it was
Speaker 4: really shocking. I kind of feel like I was like,
Speaker 4: it's a different person, Like I just like I see
Speaker 4: the person that they think I am, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: that's not who I am, And so you're forming opinions
Speaker 4: on who you think is me.
Speaker 3: And I found it hard if.
Speaker 4: I would, like, you know, go out somewhere and people
Speaker 4: think that they know who you are or they get
Speaker 4: or One thing I always find is like, randomly, you know,
Speaker 4: friends or colleagues will say to me, oh I met
Speaker 4: so Russell Crow and he's jerk. You know.
Speaker 3: I would just use that as an example. No one
Speaker 3: has actually said that, but that's just an example, right,
Speaker 3: And I'll be like, oh, do you actually know him?
Speaker 4: Like he could have been having a bad day, he
Speaker 4: could have been had a lot of personal stresses, he
Speaker 4: could have been Like I hate when people will have
Speaker 4: a brief encounter with someone and label them like something
Speaker 4: you know, and I'm just like, you have no idea
Speaker 4: what was going on in that person's life.
Speaker 3: So I get really defensive of that.
Speaker 4: So anytime someone trust to badmount someone in the public eye,
Speaker 4: I'm always like, you don't actually know.
Speaker 1: Them on you because someone is always fighting a better
Speaker 1: and you don't even know what's actually going on underneath.
Speaker 1: And like, yeah, someone will come and comment and they'll
Speaker 1: give you their two cents and then they can just
Speaker 1: pass off, But that's lived with you. They don't realize
Speaker 1: the impact that actually has on you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2: So you meet your partner Jordie.
Speaker 1: He seems like a real down to earth lad, Like
Speaker 1: do you reckon that has.
Speaker 3: Kept you sane. Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, Jordy's the best.
Speaker 4: He's so down to earth, he's so funny, you know,
Speaker 4: he has you know, he's just an amazing person. He
Speaker 4: sees the world in an amazing way. And yeah, and we.
Speaker 3: Have a really fun live together.
Speaker 4: We travel around and he definitely keeps me saying I think,
Speaker 4: and my brothers keep me saying as well, like they
Speaker 4: and my sister, Like, I've got really close relationships with
Speaker 4: my siblings, and they always keep you grounded, like no
Speaker 4: matter what. So that's always an important thing. But I think, yeah,
Speaker 4: having your own family and having a partner that loves
Speaker 4: you so fiercely and passionately, Yeah, it just makes you
Speaker 4: feel more secure.
Speaker 3: It makes you feel grounded, and it makes you just
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 4: So I'll go out to Sydney and go do some
Speaker 4: busy work stuff and then I come home to my family,
Speaker 4: come home to Jordan and Ted and my sister down
Speaker 4: the road and my nieces, and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, oh, this is so nice. This is exactly what
Speaker 3: it's about.
Speaker 4: You know, my niece's soccer games on Saturday, Like you know,
Speaker 4: that's that's what's important. So all this other stuff is fun.
Speaker 4: I like being creative. I like I even like going
Speaker 4: to things. I like dressing up and seeing my makeup
Speaker 4: artists and having fun having a champagne with her, and
Speaker 4: you know, I like doing those things. But I also
Speaker 4: am very happy to come home to my family.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's what happens when you have
Speaker 1: a baby, because I find exactly the same thing. Nothing
Speaker 1: hits like getting home after going to this because we
Speaker 1: live roually here in New Zealand, and I might even
Speaker 1: be just gone for a day or two and I
Speaker 1: come back and I'm like, oh my god, I love
Speaker 1: I love this and I never want to leave this
Speaker 1: and the city's nice to visit, but just coming home
Speaker 1: as just like a warm, big hug. And I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's because my baby's there now and that
Speaker 1: like has it a massive impact on me, or I'm
Speaker 1: just getting older.
Speaker 2: But there's something so beautiful about that.
Speaker 4: It is, isn't it. It's like your warm safe space. Yeah,
Speaker 4: so I think that's nice. I think it's really good.
Speaker 3: I think it's healthy to have that. And I think
Speaker 3: you'll like to have.
Speaker 4: A successful career and no matter what field you're in,
Speaker 4: you know, you have to have a safe time to
Speaker 4: come home too, or else I think you might get
Speaker 4: a little bit.
Speaker 3: Lost in it.
Speaker 1: How are you feeling about maybe number two coming and
Speaker 1: making work? Heaven and the balance and the juggle? Is
Speaker 1: that all kind of come on your mind where you're like,
Speaker 1: I will just deal with it. Well, I get yeah.
Speaker 3: It's funny. Well I actually feel sorry.
Speaker 4: I feel a bit sorry for this baby because I
Speaker 4: haven't Like with Ted. I was just like, here's the
Speaker 4: signs bananana now, and this is what I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: too busy.
Speaker 2: Like do you forget you're pregnant some days?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Same?
Speaker 4: You know it was even funny like my mother in
Speaker 4: laws here and she poured a glass of wine.
Speaker 3: I was like, yes, oh wait pregnant.
Speaker 4: I was like, I just keep forgetting for it. And
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh wait, I can't sorry about that. So yeah,
Speaker 4: I sort of keep forgetting unpregnant. But in terms of yeah,
Speaker 4: I mean, this one's an interesting one because I think
Speaker 4: when I had Ted, I knew that I wanted to
Speaker 4: have a second one. So I sort of was like
Speaker 4: dibbling a little bit of work, like doing a bit
Speaker 4: of radio, doing a bit of like this and that,
Speaker 4: and then and we traveled for it.
Speaker 3: We've got to travel show here, so that was really fun.
Speaker 4: But yeah, it's different with this second one because I
Speaker 4: know that this is probably the last one I want
Speaker 4: to have. And then so once we get him in
Speaker 4: a nice comfy age, I'm really excited to get back
Speaker 4: to work. Actually, I'm excited to be creative again and
Speaker 4: actually use my brain. So I think, you know, as
Speaker 4: much as i'm I think I've learned a lot during
Speaker 4: this period of time to be able to balance it
Speaker 4: properly hopefully anyway, to be able to go and do work,
Speaker 4: and then you know, my family can come with me.
Speaker 4: We've got a pretty flexible lifestyle, and then we can
Speaker 4: go and travel and then we can you know, do
Speaker 4: other bits and pieces. But I think, yeah, I definitely,
Speaker 4: I'm definitely looking forward to being creative again.
Speaker 2: Do you reckon you'll get into acting again?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I mean, I hope so.
Speaker 4: I love acting, but you know, the roles are so
Speaker 4: far and few between, you know, even for my girlfriends
Speaker 4: who are like auditioning constantly, going, going, going, going, Like
Speaker 4: you know, it's a bit of a habster wheel sometimes.
Speaker 4: So I like to be realistic. So I'm putting it
Speaker 4: out to the universe that I'm ready and willing to work.
Speaker 4: What that comes back to me with is I don't
Speaker 4: I don't know what that's going to be, and I've
Speaker 4: never known what that's going to be.
Speaker 3: So I find that exciting.
Speaker 1: I love that toe like following what feels good following
Speaker 1: you get into aition and it somehow just all works out.
Speaker 1: You're literally living the dream though filming a TV shot
Speaker 1: going round in a caravan like did you did you
Speaker 1: deliberately manifest that or did that just up?
Speaker 3: It just happened, and this is what happens in life.
Speaker 4: So we because Jordan and I love traveling and we
Speaker 4: were doing this huge ship around Australia and I was
Speaker 4: like posting that occasionally on social media and people were like, oh, man,
Speaker 4: like you should film it, and we didn't have the
Speaker 4: capacity to do that, so we just did a podcast.
Speaker 4: And then a production company who I'd worked with previously
Speaker 4: reached out to us and they're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 4: like the podcast, we love it, we want to turn
Speaker 4: it into a Telly show. And we were just like, well,
Speaker 4: I mean, I didn't even I didn't even envision that,
Speaker 4: but it's the best thing ever. So we did season
Speaker 4: one traveling around, and we just filmed it ourselves and
Speaker 4: then they would come and do like little segments and
Speaker 4: bits and pieces.
Speaker 3: But they wanted it to be like a fly in
Speaker 3: the wall.
Speaker 4: Type show where it's just us cruising around. I think
Speaker 4: you know, YouTube makes like that's that version of filming
Speaker 4: has become quite popular anyway, So the production company is like,
Speaker 4: we love it, and then we just and ship off
Speaker 4: the footage Todam and they edit it together. And we're
Speaker 4: about to go on another trip for season two actually,
Speaker 4: and it's going to be a little bit different because
Speaker 4: I'm pregnant and grumpy, so.
Speaker 1: Hey know that they'll give the heightened dramatic you know,
Speaker 1: says where you're the villain.
Speaker 4: Last time it was last time it was like Bushwise
Speaker 4: and you know, and now.
Speaker 3: It's just like this pregnant lady like anyway, but it'll
Speaker 3: be really fun.
Speaker 2: That is loving the dream. I love it.
Speaker 1: And do you see that kind of got like how
Speaker 1: comel would it be to go around the world and
Speaker 1: do like a full on travel show with two babies
Speaker 1: in total?
Speaker 2: Imagine that.
Speaker 4: Well, we always say that we're like, oh man, we
Speaker 4: should go, like because we always we'll just be seeing
Speaker 4: it home. We're like, we should go to Japan and
Speaker 4: we could film the travel show in Japan.
Speaker 3: And so we always dream about it.
Speaker 4: Who knows what's going to happen, hey, but yeah, that
Speaker 4: would be really fun. It would be quite chay to
Speaker 4: be two children and yeah, that would be.
Speaker 2: For They call it world schooling.
Speaker 1: I know, I know someone with two kids at the
Speaker 1: moment and they're going through Europe and they call it,
Speaker 1: I think it's world schooling or something like that, and
Speaker 1: it's like your classroom is around the world and then
Speaker 1: you just go through different countries. It's pretty It would
Speaker 1: be hectic and stressful, but like the memories you create
Speaker 1: that would.
Speaker 4: Be so cool, you know. And so they're teaching, like
Speaker 4: educating their kids on the.
Speaker 3: Road, is that what?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I mean the kids are still like toddler,
Speaker 1: like they're not at school yet, but but you know,
Speaker 1: the world is their classroom in the sense that they
Speaker 1: kind of learn culturally through all these different countries and
Speaker 1: pretty evac pretty cool.
Speaker 3: That's really fun.
Speaker 4: But you even see like every time we do a trip,
Speaker 4: Ted comes back and he's so like he loves being outside,
Speaker 4: he loves people.
Speaker 3: He's just a really curious cat.
Speaker 4: So I think that it helps him massively because he just,
Speaker 4: you know, and we'll go up to random kids and
Speaker 4: start playing with them, and I think it's fantastic for him.
Speaker 3: And he just like will get a stick and just
Speaker 3: play with stick and just hit me.
Speaker 4: Like like there's he loves like just walking past things
Speaker 4: and it's like tapping things, and like he just will
Speaker 4: find entertainment with a rock.
Speaker 2: That's perfect.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you think you can ever be a tiny home family?
Speaker 1: Were you full time love that life?
Speaker 4: Ah? Sometimes yes, I would say yes, and sometimes I
Speaker 4: would say no.
Speaker 3: It depends on my mood.
Speaker 4: I just think sometimes I'm just like this caravan, it's
Speaker 4: too small and I need some space. I also, I'm
Speaker 4: quite an introverted person, so I do like my own
Speaker 4: space and I recharge alone. So when I've got lots
Speaker 4: of energies around me, I become very exhausted.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I would be able to do it for.
Speaker 4: A big stint of time, but then I would have
Speaker 4: to go home.
Speaker 1: And we did a caravan interrupt the other day and
Speaker 1: I just like came to the conclusion that you have
Speaker 1: to minimalize and get rid of all your shit.
Speaker 2: I reckon, like if you're.
Speaker 1: Going on a caravan, drop just keep it so fun
Speaker 1: with your staff because it just clogs up the place
Speaker 1: so quickly.
Speaker 3: Oh mate, it really does. Did you enjoy it?
Speaker 2: Loved it? Absolutely?
Speaker 1: Loved it? And I found like we started getting our
Speaker 1: grove just as we were about to leave, like you
Speaker 1: sort of start getting into your own little routines and stuff.
Speaker 1: But I regretted packing as much as I did. But
Speaker 1: then I'm like, well, I Chalie kind of needed those clothes,
Speaker 1: but it just feels like you just want to get
Speaker 1: rid of all of your belongings, which I guess is
Speaker 1: a good leason out of it, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4: Oh absolutely, And even we found that we tweets like
Speaker 4: we packed all these things to keep ten and entertained,
Speaker 4: and he only.
Speaker 3: Liked playing with like his bloss He's that much for him.
Speaker 4: And then he's just outside, like I said before, we
Speaker 4: sticks and rocks and just you know, playing, And I'm
Speaker 4: just like, oh man, we really didn't need to pack
Speaker 4: like a whole draw full of just sahit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a good lesson, it is.
Speaker 3: And like kids will find entertainment no matter where they are.
Speaker 2: Totally.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: I always wrap up the podcast with advice that you
Speaker 1: give to your younger self. I did he say that
Speaker 1: you don't need to see in the text messages.
Speaker 2: You need to see?
Speaker 1: Is there anything else that you'd add with a profound
Speaker 1: note to wrap up the podcast?
Speaker 3: Oh, that's a good question. What would I tell my
Speaker 3: younger self? I think I would tell like, I think
Speaker 3: I would tell.
Speaker 4: My younger self that you're going to be okay, Like
Speaker 4: you are going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay,
Speaker 4: because when you're younger, when you get hit with speed bumps,
Speaker 4: they've really hit, you know, and even even all the
Speaker 4: stuff that I went through at home and away during
Speaker 4: COVID and all that stuff that really hit and at
Speaker 4: the time I was just like, I don't know how
Speaker 4: I'm going to get over this. And then you do
Speaker 4: and you end up being okay and everything's okay.
Speaker 3: You learn a valuable lesson and then you get a
Speaker 3: little bit stronger, and then the Nuther speak comes. You know,
Speaker 3: it's so like you're like, well, I guess you again,
Speaker 3: But I.
Speaker 4: Just think, you know, just that validating feeling of being
Speaker 4: like You're going to be okay. Everything's working out and
Speaker 4: this is all part of the whole journey. And even
Speaker 4: though it doesn't make sense right now, I promise you
Speaker 4: in the future it'll make sense.
Speaker 2: I love it. Sam.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much rejoining me on Slow Dance. And
Speaker 1: I was so lovely to probably meet you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Well, that was my chat with Sam Frost. She was
Speaker 1: so easy to talk to, such a lovely done earth
Speaker 1: human and I just love the life that she's creating
Speaker 1: with her partner.
Speaker 2: And their baby. And they're just doing it.
Speaker 1: They're just going out and doing it and creating the
Speaker 1: dream life. I really enjoyed her take on motherhood and
Speaker 1: her she really enjoyed it and her she felt so
Speaker 1: inadequate in the build up that you know, she was
Speaker 1: not going to be enough, she wasn't going to be
Speaker 1: the secure attachment for her child. But she went and
Speaker 1: she saw the psychologist and the things that she learned
Speaker 1: as well as a parent. I just found that really
Speaker 1: affirming to hear that only thirty percent of the time
Speaker 1: you need to nail it and it comes down to
Speaker 1: how you prepare the situation and you know, owning up
Speaker 1: when new stuff up and saying sorry and not putting
Speaker 1: the blame on the kid. So that made me feel
Speaker 1: less of a failing mother, which was really nice. I
Speaker 1: also just loved the simplicity of the phone and how
Speaker 1: toxic it is. She's obviously learned that firsthand through being
Speaker 1: on social media and rising to fame on reality TV
Speaker 1: where everyone weighs in on you, and obviously there have
Speaker 1: been some real challenges along.
Speaker 2: The way, particularly through COVID.
Speaker 1: Oh my God, of course you'd want to three find
Speaker 1: a way, but it seems like she's grown and she's
Speaker 1: learned through that time, and she obviously has a really
Speaker 1: strong network around her. That family unit has helped ground
Speaker 1: her and made her realize, you know, what really matters,
Speaker 1: and that half of the shite that we see on
Speaker 1: the eternet is not real. Sometimes you just need to
Speaker 1: get outside, take a deep breath, and walk away.
Speaker 2: From it all.
Speaker 1: I'd love to know what you got out of this
Speaker 1: week's episode. It was a delight to chat to Sam.
Speaker 1: I've got another episode coming out next week, but if
Speaker 1: you've got any suggestions on who you think would be
Speaker 1: great to talk to, you can always hit me up
Speaker 1: on Instagram at Pja DJ and I'll see you back
Speaker 1: next week for another episode.