Speaker 1: Hey, what's up with Sonja? Welcome to yet another episode
Speaker 1: of Men explain
Speaker 1: today we have Mr funny guy right here who's making
Speaker 1: me laugh even before he started talking,
Speaker 2: it's government saying hi everybody good to be here. I'm
Speaker 2: so happy to be here in case you don't know
Speaker 2: who I am. I'm the guy who plays Portugal in
Speaker 2: case you're wondering who's Portugal? He's the guy who says
Speaker 2: hello everybody.
Speaker 2: My name is in Singapore JB and something about them.
Speaker 2: Don't pray pray
Speaker 1: wow, hearing that in real life it's different. We're all
Speaker 1: about the chore wars here today. Especially I think for
Speaker 1: partners who just moved in with each other and all that.
Speaker 1: Like you were seeking some guidance. Yes,
Speaker 2: well you've come to the wrong place. I have to
Speaker 2: just put it out. Their first title is chore wars
Speaker 2: but I don't have any wars with with chores and
Speaker 2: chores or with my wife about chores. I mean there's
Speaker 2: so many things here and there. I think what you're
Speaker 2: trying to get is that maybe he doesn't like to
Speaker 2: do chores at all
Speaker 1: actually do you or do you not do you do
Speaker 1: do you like doing chores?
Speaker 2: There's a sense of achievement and gratification if the floor
Speaker 2: is dirty and dusty, I sweep it or vacuum it
Speaker 2: mop it dry and I see
Speaker 2: it's shine.
Speaker 1: I can finally see my reflection again. Yeah. Wait what?
Speaker 1: No. So
Speaker 2: I like doing choice because I feel that is achievement
Speaker 2: at the end, there's a goal at the end and
Speaker 2: sometimes I kid you not depending on which house I
Speaker 2: was before there was one house where I had a
Speaker 2: nice view outside the kitchen window and when I'm washing
Speaker 2: my dishes,
Speaker 2: I'm in a trance. Like today I did this and
Speaker 2: I think I did that, I know life is about
Speaker 2: and I just go off tangent,
Speaker 1: it's almost like a meditative state for it is, it
Speaker 2: is, it is for dishwashing.
Speaker 1: Okay, But what about other chores?
Speaker 2: Other chores? I'm fine with it too. I think maybe
Speaker 2: because the way I was brought up in the prison
Speaker 2: and
Speaker 2: what we're learning a lot of new things from just
Speaker 2: watched Megamind. So the baby was born in prison if
Speaker 2: you watched the movie, you know what I'm saying? But
Speaker 2: my mom who was mostly home, my father was out
Speaker 2: doing jobs, my mom would give us work to do
Speaker 2: household chores and there was no ifs and buts about
Speaker 2: it compared to the school mop the floor. We all
Speaker 2: were allocated different chores. So I was the mopping guy
Speaker 2: and mopping meaning more acid on the four on four
Speaker 2: with Cinderella style Cinderella with the red one is my life.
Speaker 2: So first is the soap one must come back with
Speaker 2: the water. One must completely dry 13 times. I'm so
Speaker 2: glad we live in a one room. HdB flat.
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that I think about it actually, I'm
Speaker 2: so glad
Speaker 1: you advantages. I know it's pretty interesting to you because
Speaker 1: you mentioned earlier that you know chores isn't kind of
Speaker 1: the thing that you don't fight about even, you don't
Speaker 1: even have any sort of fights over that. That's why
Speaker 1: it's funny to know that it is at the top
Speaker 1: of the list of things couples fight about. Especially I
Speaker 1: think in this day and age
Speaker 2: it's more than finance and extramarital affairs and chewing bubblegum
Speaker 2: while you're showering, right? You have that. You know, I
Speaker 2: don't know. Speaking
Speaker 1: from experience or know
Speaker 2: sometimes you don't like the bubble.
Speaker 1: I do not really, really
Speaker 2: Is the # one.
Speaker 1: Yes. For me, actually, I myself, I'll bring up my
Speaker 1: own experiences. I think a lot of the fights that
Speaker 1: I've had with my partner have been over chores,
Speaker 1: I actually come from
Speaker 1: background, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna be shy about this. Okay.
Speaker 1: I don't really do chores. I'm just gonna straight up
Speaker 1: admit it. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: fess up. We're not judging you. We all come from
Speaker 2: different backgrounds, write some more privilege.
Speaker 1: So,
Speaker 1: so I don't know whether it's not, I'm not from
Speaker 1: a rich family or anything, but you know, my parents,
Speaker 1: I think they spoiled me because I'm the only child
Speaker 1: and then they're like, if I just want a bit
Speaker 1: about like not wanting to do something like, okay. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just like, okay, leave it. You know,
Speaker 1: daddy's going on there, I don't know whether that's the thing,
Speaker 1: but possibly possibly. So then when I moved in and started,
Speaker 1: you know, living more with my current partner, he was
Speaker 1: very surprised. He was like, hey, like you want to
Speaker 1: help me for the close today or what kind of
Speaker 1: thing I'm like, okay, I'll do it. I'll be like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll do it. But it's not my number one thing
Speaker 1: on the list to do.
Speaker 2: But don't you see that as a bonding time when
Speaker 2: the two of you are falling close, it could lead
Speaker 2: to what lovemaking,
Speaker 1: what how it's like literally one of my most obviously
Speaker 1: what
Speaker 2: turned the head into lovemaking and then after a while
Speaker 2: you won't hit the troll anymore.
Speaker 2: Welcome to psychology
Speaker 1: wow. This is what I signed up for. You know,
Speaker 1: like why go to the counselor when you have a
Speaker 1: clinic outside basically the same clinic. Okay. Wait. So if
Speaker 1: you don't fight about chores then what do you guys
Speaker 1: fight
Speaker 2: with?
Speaker 2: We don't fight about the choice per se, but we
Speaker 2: fight about the methodology and maybe how for example when
Speaker 2: I do my dishes, right, I have my own way
Speaker 2: of doing dishes. But when she does the dishes, she
Speaker 2: has her own way and that's when we can get
Speaker 2: into a disagreement and say why are you doing this?
Speaker 2: And said, well, I think this is quite good. But
Speaker 2: of course she has some valid reasons to be upset
Speaker 2: because I used to, I'm in control. Now I have,
Speaker 2: I'm in control. I used to wash the dishes like there,
Speaker 2: there was fire in the house. My water is shoe
Speaker 2: blocks and I'm going like water splashing everywhere and then
Speaker 2: putting the dishes, the water is still going on in,
Speaker 2: the water's going. And she said, why are you still
Speaker 2: doing the water
Speaker 1: running, wasting water? You're doing the dishes, You're putting
Speaker 2: dishes there while you're running that. I said, when you
Speaker 2: come back in one second,
Speaker 2: it won't
Speaker 1: hurt us. So let me guess. She's the kind that
Speaker 1: likes to soak everything first and then
Speaker 2: rinse it off. She will have a little nice ah
Speaker 2: bucket or something like a plastic plastic trading and then
Speaker 2: there's water collector, there's soap in there and then dishes
Speaker 2: go in there. I don't like that because then
Speaker 2: everything else that wasn't really becomes is infected. Yes. Okay.
Speaker 2: In this day and age, that's very important to note.
Speaker 1: I know this sounds very superficial, but I want my
Speaker 1: hands to be dry. So I'll wear gloves when I
Speaker 1: wash the dishes. Okay. Because I'm like, I want my
Speaker 1: cuticles to get dry?
Speaker 1: He's just 100% judging right now. Like my cuticles dry
Speaker 1: out really easily. Okay. I think you don't have to
Speaker 1: put about that. Have you heard you
Speaker 2: heard about the cuticle problems that could arise in?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, it's a clinic right here. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think I just got everything diagnosed during this session
Speaker 2: that you can't even walk in the sun because you're
Speaker 2: my cuticles ok with, you know, buckets of on that
Speaker 1: note, I wear gloves when I, when you're doing nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with that. I think a lot of people actually
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: Some people do that because they have skin reaction to
Speaker 2: a detergent.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay. So in response to that, my boyfriend usually says,
Speaker 1: you know that because you wear the gloves when you
Speaker 1: wash your dishes, you can't feel whether the plate is
Speaker 1: still oily, so you, you you agree why?
Speaker 2: It's not to agree. This can't be, I can't disagree
Speaker 2: because
Speaker 1: it's a fact. I try to scrub it as much
Speaker 1: as I can. Then I wash it off and it
Speaker 1: looks clean to me. It looks upon touching it dishwashing,
Speaker 1: dishwashing about feelings. Okay. Okay. So I cannot wear gloves. No. Okay.
Speaker 1: Here are the top 10 most hated chores. I'm going
Speaker 1: to state them out and then you tell me what
Speaker 1: you like and what you don't like. Okay, Okay, cleaning
Speaker 1: the toilet. Okay. You, I'm okay because I have to
Speaker 1: because I don't want a dirty toilet. So yeah, but
Speaker 1: I don't love it. Who loves clean the toilet? Right.
Speaker 2: What? Okay. Clean toilet and laundry, which is worse for you,
Speaker 1: wow, That's a tough one.
Speaker 1: Okay. Did you hear that? I don't mind cleaning the
Speaker 1: toilet actually because my toilet's not that dirty. It's not
Speaker 1: that
Speaker 2: because cleaning every two hours and you're
Speaker 1: like, okay, I'm just waiting. Excellent work. Yes. Yes. And
Speaker 1: I get paid 10 cents every time when someone comes
Speaker 1: into Okay, okay, what else, cleaning stove tops and oven
Speaker 1: and all the kitchen stuff when it
Speaker 2: shines when you clean up and it shines.
Speaker 1: I'm okay with it. Because like after you cook right,
Speaker 1: usually a soft top gets a bit greasy and oily.
Speaker 1: I will want to wipe it off immediately after cooking
Speaker 1: because they accumulate
Speaker 2: after eating or before eating
Speaker 2: after eating right? So that's not really immediately,
Speaker 1: almost immediately rappelling. Technicality. Yes.
Speaker 2: Prolong lee immediately. So you're okay with that
Speaker 1: dusting I suppose falls in with sweeping and vacuuming vacuuming.
Speaker 2: I don't like because of the noise. Okay, sweeping I
Speaker 2: don't like because the dust just everywhere
Speaker 2: Dustin is simple works because it just gets on you.
Speaker 1: Right? But you actually have to dust sweep then vacuum.
Speaker 1: Yes, basically going to do the right in that
Speaker 2: order. I mean, you know, how does your houses now?
Speaker 2: But
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't want to know mopping.
Speaker 2: I love mopping.
Speaker 1: You love mopping Okay, What is it like? Do you
Speaker 1: do like listen to a podcast while you mop or
Speaker 2: this podcast? Always looking to this podcast? I know she's
Speaker 2: trying to
Speaker 1: you're saving this
Speaker 2: market this podcast. Yeah. No, I think what some people
Speaker 2: don't understand is that if you play music in the background,
Speaker 2: it becomes more enjoyable, isn't it?
Speaker 1: So you dance. You know, I'm not Tootsie,
Speaker 1: I actually does a little sometimes
Speaker 2: when you're doing what vacuuming.
Speaker 1: But how
Speaker 2: do you, because your phone is not
Speaker 1: like a typical I mean, yeah, like no, no, that's
Speaker 2: that's good. Right, that's
Speaker 1: good grocery shopping and cooking
Speaker 2: cooking. I'm scared because I don't want my family die
Speaker 2: of food poisoning. But
Speaker 2: But 2015 January when I left the TV station full time,
Speaker 2: I had more time at home. So one of the
Speaker 2: things I wanted to do was to try to cook
Speaker 2: for them. So I just, I started with soup. Okay,
Speaker 2: it's just water and you go
Speaker 1: wrong, right, boil it, It
Speaker 2: was too salty. What?
Speaker 1: So was that chicken, salted vegetables,
Speaker 2: chicken soup. I put potatoes, carrots and then a lot
Speaker 2: of chicken in there, which I didn't know you had
Speaker 2: to the skin
Speaker 2: because then all the oil gets into the super,
Speaker 2: I was in Saudi Arabia oil. What the heck is
Speaker 2: this my wife? How do you cook this? Then I
Speaker 2: explained to her that she's like, no. So ever since
Speaker 2: that fateful encounter, I've always referred to Jamie Oliver or
Speaker 2: was the guy with the angry guy,
Speaker 1: Hell's kitchen guy? Gordon Ramsay.
Speaker 2: When Ramsay, I watched a youtube how to make a
Speaker 2: salmon and
Speaker 1: usually they give you like quite simple to stand instructions.
Speaker 2: So I've learned to cook pasta with mussels
Speaker 2: with red wine.
Speaker 1: Oh wow!
Speaker 2: White wine. White wine wine. Wrongly
Speaker 1: red wine. Okay. I was just curious to know
Speaker 2: and I used people like the whole bottle in. So
Speaker 2: my wife gets drunk after that.
Speaker 1: Alright then she'll be okay to do all the chores.
Speaker 1: Last other other chores. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, cleaning windows and other things. Do you have gutters
Speaker 1: in your house?
Speaker 2: There was a time to live in a house where
Speaker 2: we had a huge garden and they would leave everywhere
Speaker 2: every day and I just enjoy using a rig just
Speaker 2: to sweep the leaves into a pile and put in
Speaker 2: a black plastic bag or bring it to the side
Speaker 2: and decomposed, decomposed, decomposed, put in a compost pile, decomposed
Speaker 2: zoo
Speaker 2: compost in the compost bin.
Speaker 1: This is starting to be very intelligent, intelligent podcast. Just
Speaker 1: like we set it out to be anything that your
Speaker 1: wife does that you don't like like a pet peeve
Speaker 1: or something. Aside from the dishwashing thing
Speaker 1: that you mentioned earlier, this can be even your earlier days.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's her pet peeve, My pet peeve of her.
Speaker 2: Is that
Speaker 2: when she does her chores, right. She doesn't put back
Speaker 2: the things where it's supposed to be so like simple,
Speaker 2: simple thing, basin is there, there's a holder with the
Speaker 2: sponge for the dishwashing chore. I take it out, I
Speaker 2: wash dishes, I put it back, I come back the
Speaker 2: next day, the day after that is always there
Speaker 2: when she's done the dishes. I can't,
Speaker 2: it's gone and it's either at the bottom of the
Speaker 2: basin or somewhere else or is in the other basic.
Speaker 2: Don't know why you went there because there's another sponge
Speaker 2: there anyway. And then I like where is that? Then
Speaker 2: she said just look under somewhere.
Speaker 1: So when you addressed it, did she change or she
Speaker 1: continues to know.
Speaker 2: No, she she tries. I mean we're all we're all
Speaker 2: not perfect. We were like, oh yeah, why do you
Speaker 2: do that? Okay. So, but still once in a while
Speaker 2: I see a pile of dishes and then the sponges
Speaker 2: right at the bottom.
Speaker 1: To be honest. I think that's jeremy's pet peeve about
Speaker 1: me as well because I don't do it.
Speaker 1: Not necessarily the sponge, but other things sometimes. But the
Speaker 1: vacuum cleaner vacuum, how do you know? God? Like the
Speaker 1: vacuum cleaner? Sometimes I'm vacuuming like the living and then
Speaker 1: I leave it there. Leave
Speaker 2: it there. My wife does that to
Speaker 1: its growth thing. I don't know because vacuum
Speaker 2: cleaners, I use the Dyson. Right. Yes. It is chargeable. Yes.
Speaker 2: If you don't put it back to the charger, it
Speaker 2: doesn't get charged up. So when I want to use
Speaker 2: the vacuum that I go to the store and open,
Speaker 2: there's no
Speaker 2: where do you go? It's supposed to be charging here.
Speaker 2: It looks like the household house. Finally find it lying
Speaker 2: down in the corner under the
Speaker 1: bed. Just waiting for someone to find I'm dying. Normal
Speaker 1: help when I pick
Speaker 2: it up and die.
Speaker 1: I don't know, man. Leave a comment. Let us know.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's like a man woman thing. Like
Speaker 1: I have no clue like whether this because I seem
Speaker 1: to have, let me ask you a question. Why don't
Speaker 1: you put it back?
Speaker 1: I don't know. How many
Speaker 2: stories do you have?
Speaker 1: Just one live in a small apartment?
Speaker 1: So I know where it is, what in my mind?
Speaker 1: I know where it is, but you still don't want to.
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes I put it back. I tried to
Speaker 1: I tried because I know that he doesn't like it
Speaker 1: because
Speaker 2: the fact that you say you live in an apartment
Speaker 2: right at one level, it boggles my mind that you
Speaker 2: don't want to bring your laundry to the washing machine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just, I don't know. I just don't enjoy
Speaker 1: it necessarily. You know, it's just a personal preference.
Speaker 2: You don't like it when the washing machine opens up
Speaker 2: and it's done and you smell the nice clean, it
Speaker 1: smells great. Like I'm like, oh man, this means I
Speaker 1: have to hang it up. Which is like
Speaker 1: you see negativity and everything. You know, just some things
Speaker 1: just like washing the toilet. I said that's true, isn't it? Okay.
Speaker 1: That's that's a bonus. That's some good ship. That jeremy,
Speaker 1: you're lucky to have me here.
Speaker 2: Right? I mean, yeah, she takes care of your ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know, I'm just, I'm just I just
Speaker 1: don't want a dirty toilet I think that's the thing
Speaker 1: that
Speaker 2: that grosses you out. So that,
Speaker 1: so that motivates you? Yes. that motivates me. So
Speaker 2: we should get really jeremy, jeremy, jeremy get her gross laundry. No. Really?
Speaker 2: Gross hell no. You know when you walk by, just
Speaker 2: spit on it or just throw some chocolate sauce on the,
Speaker 2: on the dress and she will not run into the machine.
Speaker 2: One
Speaker 1: 100% will not happen. But do you well, do you,
Speaker 1: have you come across a situation where like
Speaker 1: maybe even your earlier days when you were dating or whatever,
Speaker 1: who is the one that has to remind the other
Speaker 1: a little more when it comes to like doing something? Like,
Speaker 1: can you do this? Can you wash the dishes? Can
Speaker 1: you take it out? Who is the one that has
Speaker 1: to remind the other more? That
Speaker 2: will be my wife because reminding you more because I
Speaker 2: don't want to step into her,
Speaker 2: her infrastructure, You know what? She has laid out the
Speaker 2: system and everything. I find that when I do that,
Speaker 2: I usually sabotage her. So I just sit down there
Speaker 2: like a good slave. And then when she says, come
Speaker 2: here you, when I come in my loin cloth and
Speaker 2: she says do this and oh yeah, today is this
Speaker 2: day to do this, okay, I'll do it.
Speaker 2: I've tried in the past to help out and I
Speaker 2: always sabotage
Speaker 2: So I, you know like why did you do this?
Speaker 2: I said, I thought today, is that no, sorry, why
Speaker 2: did you do this? I thought I already done it.
Speaker 2: You've done already. Oh, sorry.
Speaker 1: So messed up again. So I've been intending
Speaker 2: to, yeah, to avoid conflict. I just, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: just hanging by the side ready on the bench to
Speaker 2: be called into play on the field. And then when
Speaker 2: she calls me, hey, can we do the,
Speaker 2: the laundry today?
Speaker 1: Okay. You, can you help me? Okay. That means full
Speaker 1: time on it. Wow. Actually this. I'm learning a lot
Speaker 1: of good relationship tips because I think like with a
Speaker 1: lot of younger couples, we tend to fight about small
Speaker 1: things sometimes, you know, when you start living together.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think even as they're dating now before
Speaker 2: they even married and moved into a house, start talking
Speaker 2: about these things.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing until you move in. A lot of
Speaker 1: couples who are not married have started to move in together.
Speaker 1: Like prior to even you and jeremy not married, right? No. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And some other friends to like they've started and it's
Speaker 1: the mindset of like, I want to see how this
Speaker 1: person works out right before actually
Speaker 1: settling down. But then I think in a more traditional sense,
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, you just get married and figure it out,
Speaker 1: just not wrong,
Speaker 2: right? If you get the right perspective, these are all
Speaker 2: small things that you can talk about like the classic,
Speaker 2: you know, squeeze the toothpaste from the middle or from
Speaker 2: the end. Which one are you? I am from the
Speaker 2: bottom and squeeze you in the middle. I just,
Speaker 1: just, just squeeze the old, just squeeze wherever it's convenient.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so jeremy is squeezed from the bottom, right?
Speaker 1: And I'm just wherever my hand reaches, I squeeze
Speaker 1: right, but just put it back in the right
Speaker 2: place, a next to the vacuum cleaner, it's on the floor,
Speaker 1: progress.
Speaker 2: But the reason why I brought this up was that,
Speaker 2: you know, a little tiff like this,
Speaker 2: all it needs is a little conversation, you know, is
Speaker 2: it too hard for you to squeeze on the bottom
Speaker 2: if it is and I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2: Done no more fights anymore. If you keep bringing it
Speaker 2: up and hoping that person change, it's just, you know,
Speaker 2: it's a repeated pattern, repeated behavior then you don't want that,
Speaker 1: right? And it becomes the sort of thing where it
Speaker 1: will bring up other issues that you're unhappy about that
Speaker 1: you swept under the rug? Yes. Yes. So then do
Speaker 1: you try to get your kids to
Speaker 1: do chores and all these kind of things as well
Speaker 1: as contribute
Speaker 2: Well, that's something my wife has taken care of when
Speaker 2: they were growing up. You know, I would see them,
Speaker 2: you know doing them whopping or the dishwashing like example
Speaker 2: now I have an eight year old also now and
Speaker 2: what happens during dinner is that she is in charge
Speaker 2: or bring out the plates, the cutlery Zeus and the
Speaker 2: glasses for drinks for the
Speaker 1: family. Okay. Okay. So everyone is designated and given something
Speaker 1: to do. That makes it easier for any of your kids.
Speaker 1: Like resist doing chores.
Speaker 2: Humans sometimes have bad days and bad day at school,
Speaker 2: overnight assignment that they couldn't sleep and they only had
Speaker 2: two hours sleep when they come down to dinner and
Speaker 2: they're like
Speaker 2: really grumpy, like I don't need food, I just need
Speaker 2: to sleep just close one eye line and don't make
Speaker 2: a big deal out of it. Like I expect you
Speaker 2: to come, not happy, I don't care. You know, that
Speaker 2: becomes a whole new problem again and what you can
Speaker 2: do that for
Speaker 1: you, I have some friends who come from very, very
Speaker 1: strict families, right? I don't know whether, you know, if
Speaker 1: you're listening in right now, you can relate to that
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Some, some parents obviously they instill an expectation in
Speaker 1: their kids and then they're all like very strict, very
Speaker 1: fierce and it becomes a very unhappy sort of thing.
Speaker 1: And then, you know, you grew up disliking doing all
Speaker 1: these things right. I think the
Speaker 2: key is that from
Speaker 2: from past experience, I I discovered that
Speaker 2: if you do the household chores
Speaker 2: as a couple or as a family, then no one
Speaker 2: feels like they're being punished, Everyone's in, everyone's doing something,
Speaker 2: Everyone's contributing. So it's fine. But when the whole family
Speaker 2: sitting on the sofa and one guy is just doing
Speaker 2: the laundry or doing and then have to do all
Speaker 2: this by myself by myself. Yes, there will be them
Speaker 2: said very sad work with me.
Speaker 1: I would say that so far our episodes and our
Speaker 1: topics have been so different, right? This one
Speaker 1: it's kind of like a trigger point for a lot
Speaker 1: of people where they fight over these small things that
Speaker 1: eventually become like a huge argument that you cannot control.
Speaker 1: That's a
Speaker 2: keyword. You see small things. These are small things. They
Speaker 2: don't need to be big things that they don't trigger anything.
Speaker 1: So in that sense, if you don't fight about trust,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you still fight about small little things or
Speaker 1: how she
Speaker 2: looks at me and all that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: right,
Speaker 1: Then how do you how do you resolve these arguments?
Speaker 1: Because it could be applicable to other young couples out
Speaker 1: there who fight about these small things, right?
Speaker 2: I think the fact that you you need to find
Speaker 2: the space and time distracted from anything else that you
Speaker 2: can talk without interruptions and then recognize that fight that
Speaker 2: you're having is not worth its value.
Speaker 2: When you put it too much value to the fight,
Speaker 2: then like
Speaker 2: just washing dishes becomes a huge thing. But it's just
Speaker 2: washing dishes, it's not life and death. It's nothing to
Speaker 2: do with our relationship. It's just the way we were
Speaker 2: brought up, we brought up differently. And we didn't need
Speaker 2: to recognize that I heard this from some somebody that
Speaker 2: sometimes in a fight, right?
Speaker 2: It's not because I'm wrong and you're right or you're
Speaker 2: wrong and I'm right. It's because we're both right.
Speaker 2: Really because we come from different backgrounds. That's an interesting
Speaker 2: way of seeing, right? We come from different backgrounds, different
Speaker 2: belief systems, different everything.
Speaker 2: So that when we come to this point, we both
Speaker 2: believe we are right. We have a third party so
Speaker 2: that they wouldn't even think, yeah, actually, both of you, right?
Speaker 2: It's just that you have different ways of doing things. So,
Speaker 1: on that note, I mean, we were doing some reading
Speaker 1: from this psychologist as well that said, you know, sometimes
Speaker 1: when you fight about these small things, as we have mentioned,
Speaker 1: right chores, for example, it's never really about the chores
Speaker 1: or that small issue at that point in time, it
Speaker 1: shows that maybe perhaps you have a bigger issue at hand, right?
Speaker 1: It could be it could be the trigger that brings
Speaker 1: out a lot of these deeper emotions and feelings, right?
Speaker 2: If other issues that you really want to handle it,
Speaker 2: but you don't want to handle it right now. But
Speaker 2: then because that this is happening, channel it through that place,
Speaker 1: Right? Exactly. Yeah. But then, so if that happens, how
Speaker 1: do you then diffuse that situation? Because it would seem
Speaker 1: like you might need to go for couples therapy or something,
Speaker 1: if it goes on for
Speaker 1: for too long. Right?
Speaker 2: I mean, okay. I'm glad you brought it up, couples
Speaker 2: go for couples therapy. I don't think we should stigmatize it. No,
Speaker 2: of course not. So if it comes to a point
Speaker 2: where they find that they cannot every time
Speaker 2: resolve their issues, then they recognize that that's a good
Speaker 2: thing because they recognize something else is happening in the
Speaker 2: back burner. Let's go address that we need a third
Speaker 2: party to unbiased person to find out what that is
Speaker 2: and then solve that.
Speaker 2: And I think bravo to you, if you have a
Speaker 2: couple to decide, okay, let's go and have couples therapy.
Speaker 2: Now we are at the
Speaker 2: and in the environment where mental health is really getting
Speaker 2: attacked from all levels of course, and we need the
Speaker 2: proper tools, the proper professionals to help us navigate.
Speaker 1: I agree. And in a previous episode that jeremy was
Speaker 1: actually on, we did mention that we did go for
Speaker 1: a couple of sessions of therapy together and it's not
Speaker 1: because like we were on the brink of like breaking
Speaker 1: up or like you know, it's not that kind of thing,
Speaker 1: but sometimes you just need some introspection and you want
Speaker 1: to find out a better way of communicating because we
Speaker 1: see a bigger future ahead of us, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? And then you just want to revisit and
Speaker 1: like have ground hog day on certain things right?
Speaker 2: And it helps so that when the couple goes meet
Speaker 2: this other counselor with a third party, whatever the party says,
Speaker 2: it's not,
Speaker 2: it doesn't seem biased exactly your ideas, but my my idea,
Speaker 2: it's just this person has an idea that has been
Speaker 2: tried and tested.
Speaker 1: Yes, let's use that. Yes. So which also brings us
Speaker 1: back to the point where you mentioned sometimes you could
Speaker 1: both be right, you just see things very differently and
Speaker 1: that's what I also discovered in those therapy sessions,
Speaker 1: which is great. So I mean I highly encourage that
Speaker 1: and recommend that too, especially in this day and age
Speaker 1: when you got a bit of cabin fever sometimes if
Speaker 1: you know, couples moved in during the pandemic because they
Speaker 1: want to be together during that time and then they
Speaker 1: don't realize because you have not lived together before and
Speaker 1: then suddenly everything comes up during that confined period of time.
Speaker 1: What is one thing that you would tell our audience before?
Speaker 1: Um say moving in with your
Speaker 2: partner
Speaker 2: a lot of times as a couple when we were dating,
Speaker 2: we talked about
Speaker 2: our dreams like what you want to be in terms
Speaker 2: of career in terms of finance, but then the other
Speaker 2: stuff that we should talk about also, and I think
Speaker 2: it's helpful when we talk about mundane things like household chores,
Speaker 2: you know, on a date, you could ask your date,
Speaker 2: you know, like when you're growing up, what was it
Speaker 2: like even doing household chores and then you have an
Speaker 2: understanding of where that person is coming from and likewise
Speaker 2: you share the information as well. I think the more
Speaker 2: information you share before you move in, the better it is,
Speaker 2: you know, in that conversation also you might find out
Speaker 2: so you squeeze the whole to squeeze from the
Speaker 1: bottom and that's interesting to cancel this person.
Speaker 2: But then then then then then that provokes a conversation
Speaker 2: about what we can do about this would have been
Speaker 2: an issue. And you know, for all, you know, your
Speaker 2: partner might say, I don't mind squeezing what? Um
Speaker 1: okay, yeah, you just have to separate tubes of toothpaste.
Speaker 2: But but the danger in this is that I want
Speaker 2: to put it out. The disclaimer. Don't make it like
Speaker 2: an interview.
Speaker 2: Okay. He has to come out organically. You know, you
Speaker 2: don't have a list of like so vacuum cleaner. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, next toothpaste. Next sponge.
Speaker 2: But at the back of your mind, I think the
Speaker 2: two partners should think about, you know, when when they
Speaker 2: can sit down and talk and talk about everything and
Speaker 2: anything under the sun.
Speaker 2: Don't just talk about the big dreams and big stuff
Speaker 2: to talk about the small stuff as well.
Speaker 1: That helps. It's funny because my partner and I we
Speaker 1: did an exercise before when we found ourselves fighting about
Speaker 1: these small things where we wrote down, I might have
Speaker 1: mentioned this before. We wrote what we like and dislike
Speaker 1: about each other on a piece of paper. So it's
Speaker 1: like right there in black and white, you know? And
Speaker 1: it can be anything like maybe I don't like the
Speaker 1: way you put peanut butter on the bread. I don't know,
Speaker 1: like could be all these small things that you
Speaker 1: that trigger you and you don't want to start your
Speaker 1: day off. Like,
Speaker 2: you know, it's good right now and you tell me
Speaker 2: because a lot of times I think partners don't know
Speaker 2: what is triggering. You come back from what you're what
Speaker 1: did I do wrong? I just came back from I
Speaker 1: just came
Speaker 2: in from the door.
Speaker 2: The house looks very nice. I came in.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And you're greeted with like a storm inside. It's
Speaker 1: all really interesting because we have many different ways of
Speaker 1: solving problems and seeing certain things and we all know
Speaker 1: that it's also going to do with compromising as well
Speaker 1: in a relationship, especially when you want to live together. Right?
Speaker 1: Moving in with somebody that you've never lived with before
Speaker 1: can be intimidating as well because you don't know about
Speaker 1: their little habits and
Speaker 1: atomic habits and all that small little things along the way.
Speaker 1: So that could generally be something you watching or listening
Speaker 1: right now could be thinking or struggling with. So in conclusion,
Speaker 1: I guess aside from everything that I've just said, you know,
Speaker 1: I've picked up a couple of useful tips from you
Speaker 1: as well if I ever have kids in the future. Yes,
Speaker 1: because in the future. Teamwork makes the dream work right?
Speaker 1: Or something like that
Speaker 2: Was? With what? What teamwork makes the dream work? Yeah.
Speaker 1: But you mentioned earlier on that you know when you
Speaker 1: make it sort of like a team effort, it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like a chore punishment. Yes. Like a punishment. Okay.
Speaker 2: So also for couples with Children, you and Jeremy do
Speaker 2: chores do together. Yeah. Have fun. Have some fun.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today. It was
Speaker 1: a pleasure.
Speaker 1: And thank you for listening to this episode of Men
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Speaker 1: next time.
Speaker 2: Bye bye.