1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,780 Speaker 1: hazel 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:05,609 Speaker 2: and welcome back to another episode of clarity's 3 00:00:06,790 --> 00:00:11,500 Speaker 1: today. Let's talk about sex, baby. Let's talk about you 4 00:00:11,510 --> 00:00:15,710 Speaker 1: and me, but not quite. We're talking more about physical 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,290 Speaker 1: intimacy than just sex, because physical intimacy is not just 6 00:00:20,290 --> 00:00:21,640 Speaker 1: about sex, kissing, 7 00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 2: hugging, holding hands. There are physical intimacy. 8 00:00:25,010 --> 00:00:26,410 Speaker 1: This is being physically, 9 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:30,319 Speaker 1: we're holding hands right now if anyone. But yeah, so 10 00:00:30,330 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: a lot of people have very differing opinions when it 11 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 1: comes to physical intimacy. Some people going straight for the kill, 12 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,599 Speaker 1: start with sex first, and then everything else bam bam. 13 00:00:38,610 --> 00:00:42,239 Speaker 1: What is that? You know? Some people like to take 14 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,790 Speaker 1: it nice and slow and then build up to that 15 00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:48,000 Speaker 1: whole sexual experience, right? But how do we know if 16 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,430 Speaker 1: we're ready for sex and in this era where sex 17 00:00:51,430 --> 00:00:55,980 Speaker 1: is like so rampant, it's so normalized, normalized. Yeah, we're 18 00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: getting very, 19 00:00:56,930 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: very personal in this episode, I'm very excited. Okay, so 20 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:04,030 Speaker 1: what is physical intimacy? Okay, it's usually an act or 21 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:07,850 Speaker 1: reaction where people express feelings in a relationship, it doesn't 22 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:12,030 Speaker 1: actually have to just be sex. It can be holding hands, kissing, cuddling, 23 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: like you've already said. But in romantic relationships, um physical intimacy, 24 00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: there's also like foreplay, there's pressing each other, there's bathing together. Okay, 25 00:01:25,090 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: you 26 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,600 Speaker 2: enjoy not bad. 27 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:32,030 Speaker 1: And then there's of course, sexual intercourse, this clinical psychologist 28 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,100 Speaker 1: Helene Brenner, she actually says that physical intimacy is relaxing 29 00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: into it, joining into the flow of it, sharing and 30 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,940 Speaker 1: giving and just enjoying that moment and going for what 31 00:01:41,950 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: feels good. So, let me ask you girls first, what 32 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: is your understanding of sex? What sex to you 33 00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:50,670 Speaker 2: To me, sex is the act of putting the penis 34 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:51,730 Speaker 2: into the vagina. 35 00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: So sexual intercourse? Penetrative intercourse? Yes, that's what success. So 36 00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:59,460 Speaker 1: everything else never go in. Not sex, my 37 00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,830 Speaker 2: understanding is, so 38 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:05,530 Speaker 1: what about you? What about you? I think it's tension, 39 00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:06,780 Speaker 2: tension 40 00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:13,390 Speaker 1: because tension leads to handy's okay. 41 00:02:14,910 --> 00:02:17,180 Speaker 1: Keep your damn hands to yourself woman, 42 00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,680 Speaker 1: I'm dead. So 43 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:21,800 Speaker 2: hence these are considered sexy, you 44 00:02:21,810 --> 00:02:23,220 Speaker 1: know, I, 45 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:27,279 Speaker 1: okay, if someone tells me like, oh, we had sex, 46 00:02:27,290 --> 00:02:33,330 Speaker 1: I'm going to imagine that it went in penis and vagina, correct. Okay, Okay. Right, right. 47 00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: But I think the entire process, 48 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,899 Speaker 2: the foreplay, it's sex as well. 49 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:40,410 Speaker 1: I think 50 00:02:40,419 --> 00:02:42,589 Speaker 2: it's 51 00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:45,340 Speaker 1: sexy, sexual, but 52 00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:47,980 Speaker 2: after the fall play, if things just ended there, would 53 00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:49,679 Speaker 2: it still be considered sex 54 00:02:50,490 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 1: six years. 55 00:02:52,970 --> 00:02:55,669 Speaker 1: Okay, here's the thing, here's the biggest misconception when it 56 00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:59,310 Speaker 1: comes to sex. Sex and sexual intercourse. Right? Sexual intercourse 57 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,930 Speaker 1: is the act of penetrative sex. That's what you've mentioned. 58 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:04,780 Speaker 1: But sex in itself, there's so many, there's oral sex, 59 00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:08,170 Speaker 1: there is like, yeah, forgot, forgot, 60 00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,370 Speaker 2: forgot about oral sex. 61 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 1: Apparently, apparently you can have sex with yourself to that masturbation. Exactly. 62 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,510 Speaker 1: So that's also a form of sex. 63 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,250 Speaker 1: So six comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. Okay, 64 00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 1: but as a couple, Right, let's say you're a committed couple. 65 00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:30,019 Speaker 1: Not situation ship or whatever that it is a relationship. 66 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,959 Speaker 1: How often do you think couple ships? Sex, 67 00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:32,829 Speaker 2: wow, I 68 00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:34,370 Speaker 1: think a lot more often than people are having? 69 00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:37,690 Speaker 1: For sure. Singaporeans you mean? Especially 70 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 2: because you're so busy and so tired from work every day. 71 00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:43,310 Speaker 1: I don't know that I don't see it as an excuse. 72 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,140 Speaker 1: But what 73 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:47,660 Speaker 2: I think is there's no like certain like number or 74 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:50,610 Speaker 2: like figure we have to commit to the couple feels 75 00:03:50,610 --> 00:03:52,610 Speaker 2: like it, they just have sex. That's 76 00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:56,130 Speaker 1: true. But then it really depends right between a couple. 77 00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:59,150 Speaker 1: If both of your sexual desires, your sex drives are 78 00:03:59,150 --> 00:04:01,970 Speaker 1: very different. It can also cause a bit of friction, 79 00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,140 Speaker 1: let's say the guy or the girl always wants to 80 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:04,230 Speaker 1: have 81 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:07,860 Speaker 1: sex and the partner doesn't really want to. I've known 82 00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,950 Speaker 1: of friends that have broken up because one person wants 83 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,730 Speaker 1: to have sex like all the time and felt like 84 00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: rabbits all the time is what all the time, any 85 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,890 Speaker 1: chance you can get and then the other person never 86 00:04:18,890 --> 00:04:20,409 Speaker 1: ever wants to have sex. So they end up having 87 00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:22,969 Speaker 1: sex like once a month or once every two months 88 00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,700 Speaker 1: and that was not acceptable for her because for her 89 00:04:25,710 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 1: sexual intercourse is very important in a relationship, which is true. 90 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,540 Speaker 1: I agree. I feel like in a committed relationship, like 91 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:33,589 Speaker 1: sex is not just sex, 92 00:04:33,610 --> 00:04:35,349 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like there's a lot of 93 00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,250 Speaker 1: things that comes with it and that's why like in 94 00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 1: a 95 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 2: lot of things as 96 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,970 Speaker 1: well, people bring it up as something 97 00:04:39,970 --> 00:04:41,270 Speaker 2: important because it's 98 00:04:41,270 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 1: not just the end of it, but I think it's 99 00:04:43,610 --> 00:04:46,630 Speaker 1: emotional intimacy. Sure. Well, you know, 100 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,500 Speaker 2: I think this boils down to love language, you know, 101 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:51,940 Speaker 2: for example, your friend, her love language might be physical intimacy, 102 00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:53,210 Speaker 1: physical church, but 103 00:04:53,210 --> 00:04:55,370 Speaker 2: for the, for the other party, it may very well 104 00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:58,060 Speaker 2: be like acts of service or like quality time. So 105 00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:00,969 Speaker 2: that's this difference which they have to bridge because if not, 106 00:05:00,980 --> 00:05:02,669 Speaker 2: then you end up in a breakup, like you mentioned, 107 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:02,950 Speaker 1: there's a 108 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,589 Speaker 1: a lot of reasons why couples will have differing sex 109 00:05:05,589 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 1: drive sometimes, like when you first get together, honeymoon period. 110 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,090 Speaker 1: Oh my God, you know, I just want to do it. 111 00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:15,390 Speaker 1: Just do it all the time, anywhere, anywhere that you can, 112 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:21,750 Speaker 1: what's the weirdest place you guys have was physically intimate. Okay. 113 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:26,909 Speaker 1: Anything everywhere except it's okay after high 114 00:05:27,310 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 2: physical intimacy. 115 00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:30,320 Speaker 1: 2nd based on words. 116 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,570 Speaker 2: Second base, always 117 00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:34,390 Speaker 2: kissing 118 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 1: after kissing after kissing. So, okay, 119 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:45,289 Speaker 1: what's the weirdest place classroom? Yes. Okay, I understand you. 120 00:05:51,370 --> 00:05:53,779 Speaker 2: Can I just ask if your job in media copies 121 00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:54,300 Speaker 2: your first job 122 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:55,060 Speaker 1: ever? 123 00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:56,800 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, now I 124 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,030 Speaker 1: know Jamie, your turn 125 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,250 Speaker 1: the back of a double decker bus, 126 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: secondary school shit 127 00:06:07,260 --> 00:06:08,900 Speaker 2: CC TVs on the bus. Apparently 128 00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,260 Speaker 1: I think they do. You didn't know, I don't know, 129 00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,270 Speaker 1: I'm stupid, right? 130 00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:16,860 Speaker 1: But yes, so there's a lot of reasons why couples 131 00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:19,380 Speaker 1: will have difference in sex drive. Sometimes it's a level 132 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:23,030 Speaker 1: of attraction or the importance of physical intimacy. Sometimes it's 133 00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:26,550 Speaker 1: about stress and fatigue life, someone's really tired at work, 134 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,570 Speaker 1: they come home like, you think they want to have sex? 135 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:31,080 Speaker 2: No, and I know of, like, some people, right? They 136 00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:34,020 Speaker 2: are very kinky when it comes to sex, they like whips, 137 00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:35,659 Speaker 2: they like leashes, 138 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:39,020 Speaker 2: they like to dress up candles wax and all that. 139 00:06:39,029 --> 00:06:40,790 Speaker 2: But if the other person is just not having 140 00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:42,029 Speaker 1: it, then yeah, 141 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:43,110 Speaker 2: that's a huge disparity. 142 00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: That must, like, set up an entire playroom, right? This 143 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:52,230 Speaker 1: is not appreciated. That's what they call it, what they 144 00:06:52,230 --> 00:06:54,839 Speaker 1: call it, a playroom, a sex room. But that kind 145 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,310 Speaker 1: of like, must mark your calendar, kind of make time 146 00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:57,789 Speaker 1: for you. 147 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,370 Speaker 1: I have this aerial swing in my room that everyone 148 00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:06,469 Speaker 1: thinks it's a sex swing. I've never thought I've tried, 149 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,030 Speaker 1: but it doesn't work. 150 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:11,150 Speaker 1: You just keep swinging. Actually, I know that's why I 151 00:07:11,150 --> 00:07:13,140 Speaker 1: asked before, 152 00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:22,030 Speaker 1: I like, but yes, Okay, what are some ways that 153 00:07:22,030 --> 00:07:25,620 Speaker 1: couples can overcome difference in sex drive? 154 00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 2: You know, this is a really, really tough question. It 155 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,410 Speaker 2: is i is there even a way of overcoming it? 156 00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 1: Okay, so this sex therapist, her name is Shannon Chavez. 157 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,620 Speaker 1: She says that mismatched sexual drives are only a dealbreaker 158 00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:39,890 Speaker 1: if you cannot communicate effectively and you get stuck 159 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:42,770 Speaker 1: in a situation where one or both partners is defensive 160 00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:46,119 Speaker 1: hurt or unreasonable about expectations about sex. So, it still 161 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:50,070 Speaker 1: boils down to communication. You know why? Because I feel, right? Like, 162 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,810 Speaker 1: let's say you're not having very much sex to begin 163 00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 1: with and your partner still doesn't want to have sex 164 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,540 Speaker 1: with you? I think it will drive the other party 165 00:07:57,540 --> 00:08:00,900 Speaker 1: to feel unwanted or undesired for 166 00:08:00,950 --> 00:08:02,490 Speaker 2: physically attractive. 167 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,620 Speaker 1: Yeah, 168 00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:06,050 Speaker 2: but you know, it really boils down to the other person. 169 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 2: If you know, they spend time in other ways, then 170 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 2: she would not feel like unwanted, unattractive. 171 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:17,910 Speaker 1: You don't ask me why exactly what you want to me. Hey, 172 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,170 Speaker 1: I 173 00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:21,180 Speaker 2: have some friends, right, who really refused to have sex 174 00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:22,740 Speaker 2: until they get married legally 175 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: married. 176 00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:26,750 Speaker 2: So, in the entire relationship, I don't think she feels 177 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,060 Speaker 2: unwanted even though they're not have 178 00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:30,530 Speaker 2: I understand, I understand I can assume that after they 179 00:08:30,530 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 2: get married, they probably won't have sex a lot because 180 00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,860 Speaker 2: she's acknowledged to me that I don't think my sex 181 00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,490 Speaker 2: life is very high, even though she has had sex before. 182 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:38,830 Speaker 2: And 183 00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:41,180 Speaker 1: to be fair, some people are a sexual where they 184 00:08:41,179 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: don't even feel the need for sex. To me, right? 185 00:08:43,450 --> 00:08:46,440 Speaker 1: Physical intimacy is very important. My love language, one of 186 00:08:46,450 --> 00:08:49,510 Speaker 1: the biggest ones is physical touch me to. Exactly. So 187 00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:52,000 Speaker 1: usually I go into any sort of like 188 00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: situation ship relationship, whatever ship is sexist, we have sex first, right? 189 00:08:57,010 --> 00:09:00,820 Speaker 1: So if someone then tells me, right, actually, let's take 190 00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 1: it a step back and I want to take it slow. 191 00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:06,309 Speaker 1: That hurts my feelings. There may be reasons for that granted, 192 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,470 Speaker 1: but that hurts my feeling 193 00:09:07,485 --> 00:09:10,895 Speaker 1: because to me physical intimacy, it shows me that we 194 00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:12,954 Speaker 1: are close, it shows me that we have a special 195 00:09:12,955 --> 00:09:15,545 Speaker 2: bond. But what if this person just wants to treat 196 00:09:15,545 --> 00:09:17,485 Speaker 2: you like a princess, correct? You 197 00:09:17,495 --> 00:09:21,395 Speaker 1: think that like they want to build a foundation first? 198 00:09:21,405 --> 00:09:22,545 Speaker 1: Why you don't mean that? 199 00:09:23,610 --> 00:09:24,740 Speaker 1: Just what I said. 200 00:09:28,929 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: How much sex is good for your health? Okay. Is 201 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:32,819 Speaker 1: there 202 00:09:32,820 --> 00:09:33,819 Speaker 2: even an answer to that? 203 00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:38,500 Speaker 1: There is sexual behavior expert. Barry McCarthy suggests that once 204 00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 1: or twice a week makes for a healthy sex life. 205 00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:43,620 Speaker 1: But during the infatuation stage, of course you may have 206 00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:46,040 Speaker 1: sex like multiple times a day or what? My rabbits 207 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: are good for you. Okay. But yes, once or twice 208 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,150 Speaker 1: a week apparently. But 209 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,450 Speaker 2: really people out there, do they have that time to 210 00:09:53,450 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 2: have sex once or 211 00:09:55,270 --> 00:09:56,589 Speaker 1: no time. 212 00:09:58,210 --> 00:10:01,530 Speaker 1: But okay. Let me ask you guys then, how long 213 00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:03,540 Speaker 1: should the act of sex be? I 214 00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:05,520 Speaker 2: mean if it's quick, right? Once or twice a week 215 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,990 Speaker 2: is acceptable. But if every session takes like two hours 216 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 2: at best. Ain't nobody got time for that ship. 217 00:10:12,250 --> 00:10:12,820 Speaker 1: Okay. 218 00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 2: Seriously, how long do you think it should be? I 219 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,540 Speaker 2: feel like 45 minutes. Maybe. 220 00:10:17,540 --> 00:10:20,219 Speaker 1: I think that's a good amount of time. Yeah, sometimes 221 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,420 Speaker 2: maybe even shorter. That's good. 222 00:10:21,429 --> 00:10:26,710 Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes 20 minutes in and out. Yeah. There's something 223 00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:30,540 Speaker 1: called too long. That's what I'm talking about. There's something 224 00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:32,429 Speaker 1: called too short also. Okay. All right. 225 00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:35,860 Speaker 1: It is possible. But do you guys, do you guys 226 00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:39,980 Speaker 1: find sex important in romantic relationships? Yes, for sure. 227 00:10:39,990 --> 00:10:41,420 Speaker 2: For sure. Very important 228 00:10:41,429 --> 00:10:43,630 Speaker 1: because it's an expression of love. It shows someone that 229 00:10:43,630 --> 00:10:46,679 Speaker 1: you care you have affection for them. It also releases 230 00:10:46,690 --> 00:10:48,790 Speaker 1: happy hormones. You guys feel happy after having 231 00:10:48,790 --> 00:10:52,709 Speaker 2: sex. Yes and cuddly and like comfortable and cozy, 232 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: correct. You know what it's called? Right? Oxytocin and dopamine. 233 00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 2: Dopamine. 234 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,050 Speaker 2: What is oxytocin? 235 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 1: Oxytocin? It's the happy hormones that your body, you know 236 00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,650 Speaker 1: releases releases when you have sex and it makes you 237 00:11:05,650 --> 00:11:09,209 Speaker 1: feel closer to your partner. It also increases like relationship satisfaction. 238 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,990 Speaker 1: Especially if touch is something that's very important to you. 239 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 1: Imagine like you love like holding hands or P. D. A. 240 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 1: And all that and your partner doesn't then when you 241 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,630 Speaker 1: go out they don't show you anything like that. You 242 00:11:18,630 --> 00:11:22,110 Speaker 1: feel a bit unloved, correct? And I also 243 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,980 Speaker 1: I feel like you know it's important because it leaves 244 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:26,820 Speaker 1: two people sort 245 00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,699 Speaker 2: of like vulnerable with each other. You know and you 246 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:32,740 Speaker 2: know what they say if there's intimacy in the bedroom 247 00:11:32,750 --> 00:11:35,180 Speaker 2: there's going to be more intimacy outside the bedroom and 248 00:11:35,179 --> 00:11:37,410 Speaker 2: that is definitely a step forward for couples. 249 00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:39,860 Speaker 1: What intimacy outside the bedroom? 250 00:11:39,870 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 2: I think you just feel a bit more touchy. You 251 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,060 Speaker 2: know you feel a bit more like you want to 252 00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:46,740 Speaker 2: really be with each other physically. You always hold hands 253 00:11:46,750 --> 00:11:50,699 Speaker 2: and with each other. But everyone unless you love language 254 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:51,490 Speaker 2: is not physical touch. 255 00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:53,449 Speaker 1: What are your love languages girls? 256 00:11:53,460 --> 00:11:58,309 Speaker 2: Okay so that's five right information. Acts of service receiving gifts. 257 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 2: Quality time and physical touch, if I were to rank them, 258 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:05,340 Speaker 2: my top three would definitely be physical touch first. Um, 259 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,030 Speaker 2: Acts of service. And then quality time. So 260 00:12:08,030 --> 00:12:11,380 Speaker 1: physical touch, make sure touch you later. Thank you. 261 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:15,010 Speaker 1: zero. What is yours? Physical touch and quality time is 262 00:12:15,010 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: very high up there. I think words of affirmation might 263 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:19,260 Speaker 1: be 264 00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:21,050 Speaker 2: next. Okay, 265 00:12:21,059 --> 00:12:24,020 Speaker 1: mine is also physical touch. So, clearly, we all like 266 00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:27,700 Speaker 1: to be touched. Physical touch, quality time, and then it's 267 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:31,699 Speaker 1: going to be X of service. So, actually, right, I 268 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:36,110 Speaker 1: know some people don't exactly understand like, what it means. 269 00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:36,969 Speaker 1: You know what 270 00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:39,230 Speaker 1: each of these things mean? And there's this thing that 271 00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:44,820 Speaker 1: I like, because they sort of explain it in coffee terms. Okay, so, basically, 272 00:12:44,820 --> 00:12:49,810 Speaker 1: what it says is the five love languages, Right? Affirmation 273 00:12:49,809 --> 00:12:52,450 Speaker 1: of Words of affirmation, that means your coffee is delicious. 274 00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: I tell you, your coffee is delicious. Okay, 275 00:12:55,450 --> 00:12:56,740 Speaker 2: coffee I make is delicious. 276 00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:59,930 Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, so I tell you, I show you accept 277 00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:00,940 Speaker 1: service would be, Oh, I 278 00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 2: made you coffee. 279 00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:03,450 Speaker 2: I like that 280 00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: receiving gifts is like, here's a coffee I bought you one. Okay, 281 00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:10,530 Speaker 1: quality time is like, let's go get a coffee together. Okay, 282 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: physical touch is like, let me hold you like a coffee. Oh, 283 00:13:17,610 --> 00:13:22,230 Speaker 1: make my heart beat. Like, I want coffee. Yeah. Okay, Okay, 284 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 1: I think when it comes to love languages, your love 285 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,900 Speaker 1: language can change over the years as well. So you 286 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:28,550 Speaker 1: can acknowledge that 287 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,770 Speaker 1: mine used to be quality time and then now it's 288 00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 1: more physical touch. But sometimes if your love language and 289 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:36,910 Speaker 1: your partner's love language is different, right? You need to 290 00:13:36,910 --> 00:13:37,610 Speaker 1: learn how to manage 291 00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:39,840 Speaker 2: that and take note. When we talk about love languages, 292 00:13:39,850 --> 00:13:42,569 Speaker 2: it's how we would like to receive love. It's a 293 00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:46,069 Speaker 2: completely different matter from how we show love. So for example, 294 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,170 Speaker 2: our love language is physical touch. Okay, We like to 295 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:52,179 Speaker 2: receive this. But when we actually express our love, it 296 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,500 Speaker 2: may not necessarily be we touch the 297 00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:55,290 Speaker 2: That's 298 00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:58,290 Speaker 1: true. We like to be touched, but we express it 299 00:13:58,290 --> 00:13:59,710 Speaker 1: maybe through like access service by 300 00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:00,780 Speaker 2: doing things for other people. 301 00:14:00,790 --> 00:14:05,340 Speaker 1: Because I always thought that you receive and give the 302 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:09,210 Speaker 1: same way. But then like in a relationship 303 00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:10,429 Speaker 2: because you tend to 304 00:14:10,429 --> 00:14:13,719 Speaker 1: receive and give the same way. Sometimes people forget that 305 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,630 Speaker 2: they have to give the 306 00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:17,690 Speaker 1: way their partner received and not the way they receive 307 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:20,460 Speaker 1: what 308 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:22,060 Speaker 1: anybody understand. 309 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 2: But yeah, it's different 310 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,940 Speaker 1: right? Understand understand? So the way that you want to 311 00:14:26,940 --> 00:14:29,560 Speaker 1: be loved and the way that you love can be different. 312 00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,890 Speaker 1: It can be the same. Don't put any labels on 313 00:14:31,890 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: it I think. But when it comes to a relationship, 314 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: let's say write your love language is quality time and 315 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,430 Speaker 1: your partner's love language is more of like words of 316 00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,783 Speaker 1: okay, and you always want to spend time, but they 317 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,013 Speaker 1: don't want to spend that much time together, but they 318 00:14:46,023 --> 00:14:49,353 Speaker 1: always compliment you then then it's different class. You see 319 00:14:49,353 --> 00:14:53,173 Speaker 1: them the love won't be received, correct, correct. So the 320 00:14:53,173 --> 00:14:55,633 Speaker 1: way that you want to be loved is might not 321 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:57,273 Speaker 1: be the way that your partner wants to be loved. 322 00:14:57,283 --> 00:15:00,443 Speaker 1: So that's what we're saying. Understand each other's love languages 323 00:15:00,453 --> 00:15:02,043 Speaker 1: and try to strike 324 00:15:02,096 --> 00:15:04,606 Speaker 1: balance. But no matter what I think the need for 325 00:15:04,606 --> 00:15:06,696 Speaker 1: sex is normal. It's a part of any human life. 326 00:15:06,696 --> 00:15:09,446 Speaker 1: It's nothing to, you know, be afraid of war, afraid 327 00:15:09,446 --> 00:15:12,876 Speaker 1: to talk about, right? Physical intimacy. It can mean a 328 00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:15,606 Speaker 1: lot of different things to different people, but for some people, 329 00:15:15,606 --> 00:15:17,756 Speaker 1: they want to wait it out instead of rushing into 330 00:15:17,756 --> 00:15:18,296 Speaker 1: things 331 00:15:18,306 --> 00:15:21,066 Speaker 2: like my friend who decides like to not have sex 332 00:15:21,076 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 2: until they are actually married 333 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:25,300 Speaker 2: because she's someone who is constantly afraid of like what 334 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,060 Speaker 2: if she gets pregnant before she gets married, there's going 335 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:30,020 Speaker 2: to be like a lot of stress on her. She's 336 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 2: not going to be financially ready. So this is the 337 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,770 Speaker 2: choice that she has made and her boyfriend must love 338 00:15:34,770 --> 00:15:36,260 Speaker 2: her enough to be okay with that. 339 00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:39,020 Speaker 1: Okay, Sure. Yeah. And respect her enough as well. Because 340 00:15:39,020 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 1: I believe in that as well, I think I've brought 341 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,020 Speaker 1: this up before of which, you know, I read this thing. 342 00:15:43,030 --> 00:15:46,060 Speaker 1: That's it that every person that you have sex with, 343 00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:46,290 Speaker 1: it's 344 00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:47,240 Speaker 2: not just a physical 345 00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:51,070 Speaker 1: act, but like a part of them stays with you. 346 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 1: I hope not, There's some people that I don't want 347 00:15:54,130 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 1: anything with me man. I hope it's more emotional. Okay, 348 00:15:57,810 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: not physically. Yes. Yes. So I understand that and I agree. 349 00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:04,210 Speaker 1: But there are a lot of things to consider before 350 00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:07,330 Speaker 1: having sex. I think your friend about unwanted pregnancy, that's 351 00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:12,380 Speaker 1: one sexually transmitted infections or diseases. That's another also 352 00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:15,513 Speaker 1: strong sense of emotional connection. Hazy, you've mentioned that you 353 00:16:15,513 --> 00:16:17,843 Speaker 1: need that emotional connection before you have sex with someone. 354 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:20,733 Speaker 2: Yes. And it has to be pretty strong for that 355 00:16:20,733 --> 00:16:21,603 Speaker 2: to last. 356 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:26,083 Speaker 1: Apparently emotionally attuned couples have better sex because you trust 357 00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:28,763 Speaker 1: each other more. You're more open about, you know what 358 00:16:28,773 --> 00:16:32,273 Speaker 1: you find pleasurable and what you find enjoyable. I believe that. 359 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,433 Speaker 1: So anyway, um 360 00:16:33,446 --> 00:16:36,566 Speaker 1: I wanna share story, okay, this is someone I know 361 00:16:36,576 --> 00:16:37,736 Speaker 1: they were married for a couple of 362 00:16:37,736 --> 00:16:38,926 Speaker 2: years 363 00:16:38,936 --> 00:16:44,440 Speaker 1: and basically now they're divorced, she has moved on, she's remarried. 364 00:16:44,450 --> 00:16:48,260 Speaker 1: But in that couple of years that they were married, 365 00:16:48,270 --> 00:16:51,370 Speaker 1: she says that the number of times 366 00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:52,460 Speaker 2: they have had sex 367 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 1: Can count with two hands 368 00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:59,340 Speaker 1: in years in marriage. And yes. And I know it's 369 00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:02,650 Speaker 1: so funny because he's really good to her and he 370 00:17:02,650 --> 00:17:06,109 Speaker 1: really loves her and he treated really well. He just 371 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:09,010 Speaker 1: doesn't want to have sex with her. Huh? This doesn't 372 00:17:09,010 --> 00:17:11,050 Speaker 1: have like that inclination to have sex. 373 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:12,699 Speaker 2: So this is a deal breaker for her, which is 374 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,010 Speaker 2: why the marriage ended. I 375 00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: think. Yes, because first of all she had 376 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 2: her physical needs. 377 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:18,940 Speaker 1: And I think also because 378 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 2: it was a big thing for her to start a 379 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,369 Speaker 2: family as well, 380 00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:23,700 Speaker 1: which was not going to happen without 381 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:24,000 Speaker 2: this, 382 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,379 Speaker 2: but he does not want to start a family. I 383 00:17:26,390 --> 00:17:28,070 Speaker 1: don't know that he just didn't want to do it. 384 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,730 Speaker 1: But some people just don't want to have sex. It's 385 00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:33,619 Speaker 1: very possible. Some people just don't have the inclination to 386 00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:34,240 Speaker 1: have sex. 387 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:37,660 Speaker 2: Huh? So this is where I feel like your expectations 388 00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:40,380 Speaker 2: from sex needs to be clearly communicated with your partner 389 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:43,250 Speaker 2: because it is a deal breaker for you then before 390 00:17:43,250 --> 00:17:45,270 Speaker 2: you get married, usually, well to have a partner that 391 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:45,959 Speaker 2: this is the case. 392 00:17:45,970 --> 00:17:47,959 Speaker 1: Yeah. And you need to understand that the act of 393 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,270 Speaker 1: sex itself, right, will not make like your relationship more 394 00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,470 Speaker 1: serious or anything, if that's what you're hoping, 395 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,730 Speaker 1: like you have sex with a guy and then you 396 00:17:55,730 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 1: guys can progress from there and be something more serious. 397 00:17:57,930 --> 00:18:00,570 Speaker 1: It doesn't always mean that in fact it could mean 398 00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:03,900 Speaker 1: like I mean I know of guys when they you know, 399 00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:06,150 Speaker 1: they love bomb a girl, they really, really like girl, 400 00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:07,909 Speaker 1: you know, text them every day, want to try and 401 00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:10,000 Speaker 1: hook up every day once they hook up then the 402 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,750 Speaker 1: guy's like actually I don't really like her because I 403 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 1: already had sex with her, right? 404 00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:14,869 Speaker 2: I don't 405 00:18:15,109 --> 00:18:18,439 Speaker 1: call them boys, by the way. Yeah, I'm so sorry, 406 00:18:18,450 --> 00:18:21,510 Speaker 1: but it does happen. So they love bomb this girl 407 00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:22,940 Speaker 1: until they managed to have such 408 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,560 Speaker 1: with them and then all feelings because basically sex is 409 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,720 Speaker 1: the goal. It was not anything else. It was emotionally 410 00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:33,930 Speaker 1: being emotionally intimate or anything. But of course consent is 411 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:36,730 Speaker 1: very important as well. Okay, be clear what you are 412 00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: comfortable with and know that consent can be withdrawn at 413 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:42,780 Speaker 1: any time for any reason. If you are intoxicated, you 414 00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:43,659 Speaker 1: can't give consent. 415 00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:48,060 Speaker 2: So this licensed sex psychotherapist actually said that some women 416 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,250 Speaker 2: make the mistake of having sex with someone new with 417 00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:52,179 Speaker 2: the hopes that it will make him want to become 418 00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:52,420 Speaker 2: more 419 00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,119 Speaker 2: serious. I 420 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:54,550 Speaker 1: don't think that's how it works, honey. 421 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. So just make sure you know this within yourself 422 00:18:57,330 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 2: and don't have this kind of expectation And of course, 423 00:18:59,810 --> 00:19:02,530 Speaker 2: mutual understanding content is so important. 424 00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 1: Don't be pressured to have sex if you don't want to. 425 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:08,980 Speaker 1: But here's a fun fact. Okay, a marriage and sex therapist, 426 00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 1: Michael Madsen Barry McCarthy actually found that the best sex 427 00:19:11,810 --> 00:19:16,690 Speaker 1: often happens in long-term relationships 15 years or longer, seven 428 00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:21,100 Speaker 1: years longer than its good. 429 00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: Do you want to have sex after 430 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 2: 15 years? Like on a regular basis? 431 00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:26,930 Speaker 1: But that's how you know, you want to be someone 432 00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:28,760 Speaker 1: for the rest of your life line. But 433 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:32,410 Speaker 2: when commitments coming like kids, your career and everything, you know, 434 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,690 Speaker 2: do you still have time and effort for that. 435 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:38,740 Speaker 1: Okay, compare one night stands to sex and relationships, let's 436 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:39,210 Speaker 1: let's talk about 437 00:19:39,210 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 2: it, definitely Sex in relationships. Why? Because I need to 438 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 2: feel emotionally assured that this person is here to take 439 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,000 Speaker 2: care of me cuddle me and listen to me when 440 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,359 Speaker 2: I needed one extends will do that. 441 00:19:51,369 --> 00:19:51,780 Speaker 2: Mm. 442 00:19:51,790 --> 00:19:54,350 Speaker 1: What if serious relationship also won't do 443 00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:57,370 Speaker 2: that then it's not serious for me. Then I got 444 00:19:57,369 --> 00:19:59,530 Speaker 2: to cut this person off and I have to recognize that. 445 00:19:59,540 --> 00:20:00,610 Speaker 1: So that's a deal breaker. 446 00:20:00,619 --> 00:20:05,179 Speaker 2: Yes. Yes, emotionally that connection is very important for me 447 00:20:05,190 --> 00:20:08,420 Speaker 2: one night stand or sex in serious relationships. 448 00:20:08,430 --> 00:20:12,730 Speaker 1: Um Okay, not necessarily sex in relationships. But I do 449 00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:15,210 Speaker 1: think that if you have some sort of like a 450 00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 1: connection with this person, it's always better than if it's 451 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,830 Speaker 1: like a girl with a random. 452 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:24,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I understand. I understand. Okay, so let's say you 453 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,740 Speaker 1: like someone like hazing for example, she doesn't like what 454 00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:31,460 Speaker 1: I said, she doesn't like going into it without emotions. Right? 455 00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 1: So let's say you want to build something. Okay, but 456 00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:40,660 Speaker 1: it's physical already. Where would you draw the line? 457 00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 2: So it started out physical first and I want to 458 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,080 Speaker 2: continue building it from there. Is that what you mean? 459 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:45,429 Speaker 2: Maybe 460 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: it was like simultaneous. Okay. 461 00:20:50,890 --> 00:20:54,340 Speaker 1: Um okay in that case right Then I think that 462 00:20:54,350 --> 00:20:57,100 Speaker 1: if it started out with sex and then you want 463 00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,540 Speaker 1: to build something a bit more serious then you can't 464 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,150 Speaker 1: always have sex every time you meet, 465 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,880 Speaker 2: maybe cuddles are fine hugs are fine, but maybe start 466 00:21:04,050 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 2: a movie start to build a stronger emotional connection. I mean, 467 00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:10,770 Speaker 2: if the other person cares for you enough, he or 468 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,649 Speaker 2: she would do that, right? 469 00:21:11,660 --> 00:21:13,210 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I have a very warped view of 470 00:21:13,210 --> 00:21:17,130 Speaker 1: sex where I feel like guys always want sex. So 471 00:21:17,130 --> 00:21:19,050 Speaker 1: I always assumed that, you know, if you call me 472 00:21:19,050 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 1: to your house, we're gonna bang. But what type of 473 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,730 Speaker 1: guy called me to his place and we did not 474 00:21:23,730 --> 00:21:28,689 Speaker 1: bang and you felt disappointed? So we just said that 475 00:21:28,690 --> 00:21:32,419 Speaker 1: watching movie cuddle, like had a meal and I was like, oh, 476 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 1: but it was so nice. Yeah, and that made me 477 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:42,010 Speaker 1: realize that there's something more here, but fun question. Okay, 478 00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,359 Speaker 1: fun question before we move on, right? So to ask 479 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,790 Speaker 1: physical touch is really important. I think sex, physical intimacy, 480 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 1: let's say, right? You really, really, really like this guy, 481 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,139 Speaker 1: you form an emotional connection with this guy, then you 482 00:21:55,140 --> 00:21:58,180 Speaker 1: have sex for the first time. He sucks in bed. 483 00:21:58,190 --> 00:21:59,620 Speaker 1: He sucks. 484 00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: Not in a good way, he sucks. Would you, 485 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 1: I just got it. Would you be willing to educate 486 00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: or is that like kind of a deal breaker for 487 00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:13,530 Speaker 1: you from the start? 488 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:14,419 Speaker 2: I feel 489 00:22:14,420 --> 00:22:15,860 Speaker 1: like there's 490 00:22:15,869 --> 00:22:16,780 Speaker 2: a lot of potential in this 491 00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:17,910 Speaker 1: relationship 492 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 2: for me, the emotional aspect is always first. So if 493 00:22:21,490 --> 00:22:23,210 Speaker 2: I already like the guy a lot in the first 494 00:22:23,210 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 2: place and he's really nice to me, that's great. 495 00:22:26,210 --> 00:22:30,060 Speaker 2: Then you can start exploring about the physical aspects together. Right? okay, 496 00:22:30,070 --> 00:22:31,890 Speaker 2: then this thing can last even longer, isn't it better? 497 00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:35,649 Speaker 1: So you're not talking about vanilla, sex cannot last. No, 498 00:22:35,650 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: I'm just saying like if the sex is really 499 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,580 Speaker 2: just bad in general in general, 500 00:22:39,590 --> 00:22:42,350 Speaker 1: and sex is important to you. Yeah, then I'm like that. 501 00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:45,750 Speaker 2: But you'd rather have someone who gives you very good 502 00:22:45,750 --> 00:22:46,790 Speaker 2: sex every night. But you 503 00:22:47,109 --> 00:22:53,459 Speaker 1: know that's true, valid point, correct point. Okay, let's move on. 504 00:22:53,470 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: So let's talk about the converse. What should you do 505 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,920 Speaker 1: if you're not ready to have sex? But you feel 506 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,450 Speaker 1: like you're being pressured to have sex communicate. 507 00:23:02,460 --> 00:23:05,790 Speaker 2: Yes. And just ask the other person to just masturbate 508 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,680 Speaker 2: and get it over and done. 509 00:23:06,690 --> 00:23:10,109 Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess. Sorry. It says here, consider out the 510 00:23:10,109 --> 00:23:12,260 Speaker 1: course instead of intercourse. 511 00:23:12,940 --> 00:23:13,530 Speaker 1: It also 512 00:23:13,530 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 2: says erotic massages, sex toys. 513 00:23:17,290 --> 00:23:18,030 Speaker 1: These are 514 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 2: all considered alter course. What's 515 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,429 Speaker 1: an erotic massage? 516 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:22,689 Speaker 2: Oh, I can show you 517 00:23:22,690 --> 00:23:25,930 Speaker 1: later, call me 518 00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:30,790 Speaker 1: or you can practice non sexual acts of intimacy. For example, 519 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:36,050 Speaker 1: exercising together, going on romantic dates, watching a movie. You 520 00:23:36,050 --> 00:23:41,090 Speaker 1: can just netflix and no chill. Okay, netflix. Don't chill. Okay. Yes, 521 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:47,620 Speaker 1: so it's not a what anybody catch that. What? 522 00:23:53,150 --> 00:23:56,780 Speaker 1: That was korean. I just got it. Go and eat 523 00:23:56,780 --> 00:24:01,360 Speaker 1: ramen and bank. Yeah, it can be sending loving text, 524 00:24:01,369 --> 00:24:05,570 Speaker 1: video messages, doing chores together, cooking together or even like 525 00:24:05,580 --> 00:24:09,180 Speaker 1: saving up for common goals, like buying a house traveling 526 00:24:09,190 --> 00:24:09,900 Speaker 1: and all that. 527 00:24:10,130 --> 00:24:13,220 Speaker 2: And if you're not ready to have sex, please always 528 00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:16,500 Speaker 2: remember to not let anyone pressurize you remember in our 529 00:24:16,500 --> 00:24:19,239 Speaker 2: previous episode, we actually talked about how one of our 530 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,440 Speaker 2: producers attended a party and then a couple of new 531 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,629 Speaker 2: friends actually asked like, what is your body count? Which means, 532 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,190 Speaker 2: how many times have you had sex? And she felt 533 00:24:28,190 --> 00:24:30,330 Speaker 2: very embarrassed over this. And here we are telling you, 534 00:24:30,330 --> 00:24:33,910 Speaker 2: you don't have to feel embarrassed. Save that for someone 535 00:24:33,910 --> 00:24:36,010 Speaker 2: special someone you really love and someone 536 00:24:36,020 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 2: who loves you. 537 00:24:36,770 --> 00:24:42,389 Speaker 1: Exactly make that choice for yourself. But okay in that moment, 538 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:47,270 Speaker 1: because now we're talking about sex is not just sexual intercourse, 539 00:24:47,270 --> 00:24:50,900 Speaker 1: but sex is a whole, right? Okay. So things progress. 540 00:24:50,910 --> 00:24:54,640 Speaker 1: There are stages in these things, right? And what if 541 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:56,670 Speaker 1: you agree on the same things 542 00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 2: like what 543 00:24:57,250 --> 00:25:01,900 Speaker 1: beforehand, let's say no sexual intercourse, 544 00:25:01,910 --> 00:25:06,600 Speaker 1: let's say, okay, But in that moment somebody's gonna want 545 00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: more or you might feel like because you're so into it, 546 00:25:11,210 --> 00:25:16,560 Speaker 1: like you compromise with yourself because it happens right? In 547 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,920 Speaker 1: that moment, you would think that I can actually, you know, 548 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,850 Speaker 1: and then you re negotiate yourself and that's on 549 00:25:22,850 --> 00:25:25,160 Speaker 2: you, correct. That's exactly what I was going to say. 550 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,800 Speaker 2: That's on you. If you compromise on your own. 551 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,070 Speaker 2: I wouldn't use the word morals, but decisions. If you 552 00:25:31,070 --> 00:25:34,390 Speaker 2: compromise on your own decisions, then you have to take 553 00:25:34,390 --> 00:25:36,050 Speaker 2: the responsibility? Yeah, 554 00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:38,730 Speaker 1: I know of For someone that, you know, I never 555 00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:42,300 Speaker 1: wanted to have sex till marriage. Um, and you know, 556 00:25:42,310 --> 00:25:45,720 Speaker 1: basically felt very insecure and not confident about her body 557 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 1: and she would never like show off her body that 558 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 1: she always cover up and she felt very bad about that. 559 00:25:50,770 --> 00:25:53,109 Speaker 1: Um imagine if she had had 560 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,540 Speaker 1: sex with someone who made her feel bad about herself. 561 00:25:55,550 --> 00:25:58,729 Speaker 1: Imagine that trauma that she carried on. She eventually found 562 00:25:58,730 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 1: someone before marriage that she felt like she was completely 563 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,919 Speaker 1: safe with and now they have a healthy sexual relationship. 564 00:26:07,930 --> 00:26:10,070 Speaker 1: So sometimes it pays to wait, 565 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,609 Speaker 2: but 566 00:26:11,619 --> 00:26:12,670 Speaker 1: I don't like to wait 567 00:26:13,220 --> 00:26:14,550 Speaker 1: then how, how to help 568 00:26:14,550 --> 00:26:15,350 Speaker 2: you 569 00:26:16,260 --> 00:26:17,990 Speaker 1: go. 570 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:24,430 Speaker 1: Yes. So, okay, final thoughts in relationships. How important is sex? Really? 571 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:29,180 Speaker 2: I think it's really up to the couple themselves. Only 572 00:26:29,190 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 2: two of you can set the standards for your own 573 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,800 Speaker 2: sex life and nobody else can do that. 574 00:26:33,810 --> 00:26:36,330 Speaker 1: Yes. You shouldn't compare against other couples. Like other couples 575 00:26:36,330 --> 00:26:39,400 Speaker 1: will say like, oh yeah, we have sex like 20 576 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,250 Speaker 1: times this week or something like that. It was just 577 00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:42,920 Speaker 1: a lot. Just because 578 00:26:42,930 --> 00:26:45,250 Speaker 1: you had sex one time, that doesn't mean that you're 579 00:26:45,260 --> 00:26:48,780 Speaker 1: any less of a couple. Sex is not the determining 580 00:26:48,780 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 1: factor of whether you are close as a couple or 581 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,020 Speaker 2: not. Sex is not the benchmark. Your emotions 582 00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:56,730 Speaker 1: are correct. Nothing. In this entire episode, we've been talking 583 00:26:56,730 --> 00:26:59,740 Speaker 1: about how sex is not just sexual intercourse, but it's 584 00:26:59,750 --> 00:27:02,180 Speaker 1: everything else as well. So it could be like little things. 585 00:27:02,190 --> 00:27:05,410 Speaker 1: It could be, you know, just little show affections and 586 00:27:05,410 --> 00:27:06,870 Speaker 1: things like that. So it all 587 00:27:07,020 --> 00:27:09,400 Speaker 2: yes. Last but not least. I also want to add 588 00:27:09,410 --> 00:27:12,270 Speaker 2: sex does not define who you are. So be true 589 00:27:12,270 --> 00:27:15,600 Speaker 2: to yourself. Only when you are happy with yourself. You 590 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,030 Speaker 2: will enjoy sex with your partner. 591 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,090 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think people should be open with each 592 00:27:20,090 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 1: other and that they should be comfortable to discuss with 593 00:27:23,290 --> 00:27:24,050 Speaker 1: each other as 594 00:27:24,050 --> 00:27:27,230 Speaker 2: well. Yes. Like how open you are on this episode 595 00:27:27,230 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 2: of 596 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:31,110 Speaker 1: open. Oh my God, nobody listen to this episode. 597 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 2: Alrighty with that. Thank you so much for tuning into 598 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:36,130 Speaker 2: this episode of clarity's 599 00:27:36,140 --> 00:27:39,419 Speaker 1: shot. Make sure you follow us on instagram at its 600 00:27:39,420 --> 00:27:42,149 Speaker 1: clarity dot co so that you can see your beautiful faces. Yes, 601 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:43,990 Speaker 1: that's right. You can listen to us and me listen 602 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,220 Speaker 1: Spotify as well as apple podcast. We're on Youtube as well. 603 00:27:47,220 --> 00:27:49,460 Speaker 1: Don't forget to turn on your notification bell. 604 00:27:49,470 --> 00:27:51,869 Speaker 2: Thank you again for listening. I'm hazel, 605 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,909 Speaker 1: I'm a zero and I'm jermaine and we'll catch you 606 00:27:53,910 --> 00:27:59,990 Speaker 1: next time. Huh?