Speaker 1: Hello, everyone. Welcome to the hotpot where we hop into
Speaker 1: different transitions in life. My name is Nick. I'm Joey
Speaker 1: and I'm, and today we are going to be talking
Speaker 1: about love,
Speaker 1: love specifically how we fall in love. So how did
Speaker 1: we fall in love? What makes us fall in love?
Speaker 1: How you transition from being single into getting a relationship?
Speaker 1: How do you navigate all the tingling feelings? I don't
Speaker 1: remember
Speaker 1: the feeling of love. No, I really don't remember the
Speaker 1: feeling of being in love with someone because it's been
Speaker 1: a while. What about
Speaker 2: crush? Crush? The butterflies and the
Speaker 1: how does it transition from a crush to
Speaker 1: love? Can you stop? No, no, no. You can't ask
Speaker 1: me because I don't, I don't remember.
Speaker 2: OK. So for Q it's crush and then it goes
Speaker 2: into love. I
Speaker 1: would say infatuation in and crush the difference. I think
Speaker 1: whenever people say crush, it feels like harmless.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have a crush on anyone, correct? But infatuation
Speaker 1: feels more intimate. You are actually getting to know someone already.
Speaker 1: Crush might be from a distance. I candy crush,
Speaker 2: right? Infatuation is like another step in OK. Crush
Speaker 1: infatuation.
Speaker 1: So actually, what does falling in love look like to you? Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm more curious. You want to neglect my issues? Is
Speaker 1: it
Speaker 2: for me? Love comes very easy and fast. So I
Speaker 2: want to hear it from a different perspective.
Speaker 1: My memory of love was like 5 to 6 years ago.
Speaker 1: So my parents recently pointed out that they notice that
Speaker 1: I don't fall in love easily. Every time I date someone,
Speaker 1: it just ends at the infatuation and then it just
Speaker 1: never goes beyond a certain like
Speaker 1: amount of feeling, emotion. What is
Speaker 2: an indicator to yourself that it has transitioned from infatuation
Speaker 2: to love?
Speaker 1: Asking the right question is Joe. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think it's this mutual feeling when you don't need to
Speaker 1: express it,
Speaker 2: but it's just a feeling that, you know,
Speaker 1: you just know it one day that this person loves
Speaker 1: me and I love them so it has to be
Speaker 1: mutual somehow for me unrequited love.
Speaker 1: I've never had that so interesting, complicated. I think I
Speaker 1: got people that don't love me before. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: I fall faster than the other person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I stopped myself from falling in love
Speaker 1: if I know that this person is not stable or
Speaker 1: rather safe. So you think it can be controlled? I
Speaker 1: think I can subconsciously control my feelings. I don't let
Speaker 1: myself fall too deep. What about you? What does love
Speaker 1: feel like
Speaker 2: to you? I am absolutely hopeless, useless, romantic. I fall
Speaker 2: in love
Speaker 2: this fast. But I also fall out of love this fast.
Speaker 2: I love the chase. I used to love the chase
Speaker 2: and I chased someone for two months. Finally. Now they're
Speaker 2: like obsessed with me. Right. And the moment I realized
Speaker 2: that they were obsessed with me the way I was,
Speaker 2: I immediately hated them.
Speaker 1: Was it an egg? It became an
Speaker 2: egg. I'm not even kidding. We went on a date.
Speaker 2: It was so great. It was perfect. It was very
Speaker 2: gentlemanly and,
Speaker 2: and at the end of the day, on the way home,
Speaker 2: I was like, I do not want to see him
Speaker 2: ever again.
Speaker 1: Ok. Do you think that it's because he came on
Speaker 1: too hard?
Speaker 2: It was equal. Like we finally matched each other, or
Speaker 2: at least to me. Right.
Speaker 1: So you think you must love more? You know what's
Speaker 2: interesting? So, I recently there was a, there's a study
Speaker 2: by a couples therapist who has a lot of experience
Speaker 2: working with married couples. And he said that in every relationship,
Speaker 2: of course, the best is when it's equal, when it's mutual,
Speaker 2: the love is the same
Speaker 2: at any time. If the love is stronger with one person,
Speaker 2: it needs to be with the male and not the
Speaker 2: female because intrinsically as females, it doesn't matter how much
Speaker 2: we love the person, we will always operate on love.
Speaker 2: I don't need to be in love with you, but
Speaker 2: I will still do everything I need to do to
Speaker 2: get everything done. Whereas once a man is out of love,
Speaker 2: he can no longer be functioning in that family nucleus
Speaker 2: anymore
Speaker 2: based on his experience. And that blew my mind. Ok.
Speaker 2: But anyway,
Speaker 1: it late. No,
Speaker 1: well, end of conversation because I mean, I think like
Speaker 1: when I fall in love then
Speaker 1: it's been nice love, right?
Speaker 2: But ok, wait, so you understand the chase thing? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I'm a hopeless writing. So I am also
Speaker 1: a chaser. So I have never, I have never been
Speaker 1: chased before. No. But I think if someone chase me,
Speaker 1: I think I like,
Speaker 2: I don't know how
Speaker 1: to work. I like chase. I don't think I can
Speaker 1: fall in love if I'm being chased. Ok? If the
Speaker 1: girl makes the first move, you don't like too obvious.
Speaker 1: I don't like as in if she does it in
Speaker 1: a cool manner,
Speaker 1: I can, I can't wyd No, OK, like I, every
Speaker 1: time I try to connect with someone, right? I will
Speaker 1: always find a similar interest to talk about first and
Speaker 1: I won't wait for that person to start the conversation first.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in
Speaker 1: men. Always making the first move. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I,
Speaker 1: I don't believe in men always making you like like, ok,
Speaker 1: so common responses when people are asked to describe what
Speaker 1: falling in love is like burst of energy and excitement.
Speaker 1: Sense of newness. You got a new toy,
Speaker 1: difficulty focusing on anything else? OK. OK. Your bond suddenly
Speaker 1: remember then go go to desire to spend as much
Speaker 1: time together as possible. Don't need your own personal space.
Speaker 1: Interest in everything about them, feelings of attachment and a
Speaker 1: sense of security. Can
Speaker 2: I just say that it got to be very excited?
Speaker 2: I love, love.
Speaker 2: I love.
Speaker 1: He cannot understand you. I keep
Speaker 2: telling Charlie like, oh my God, I wish that we
Speaker 2: could just go back to fall in love again again
Speaker 2: again again, again,
Speaker 1: even though you've been together with him for quite some time.
Speaker 1: Do you fall in love again with your partner?
Speaker 2: I think there are moments where I look at him
Speaker 2: and I feel like butterflies again. Sometimes. Sometimes if you
Speaker 2: always got butterflies at the doctor,
Speaker 1: your stomach, I think so. I think it's in a
Speaker 1: very different, it's a slightly different form should be funny.
Speaker 1: Then
Speaker 2: you're like, oh my God, you're so funny. I'm so
Speaker 2: happy I'm with you. Right?
Speaker 1: It's a very, very dizzy
Speaker 2: like blood
Speaker 1: pressure, not enough iron.
Speaker 2: Oh, no. Actually I do. I look at him and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, so
Speaker 1: what were the qualities you look for in your current partner?
Speaker 1: So I think the first thing that attracted me to
Speaker 1: her was we were emotionally very compatible. Can connect on
Speaker 1: a deeper level. Also helped that I was physically, I
Speaker 1: found her attractive, right? As in, I think I always
Speaker 1: look for chemistry. And then I confuse chemistry with compatibility.
Speaker 1: And the most recent person that I dated, we had
Speaker 1: very strong chemistry and I was kind of like blinded
Speaker 1: in a sense that this person might be the one
Speaker 1: might be the person that I might end up being
Speaker 1: in a relationship and falling in love with. But then
Speaker 1: I realized like, oh his life trajectory and how I
Speaker 1: see my life going is very different. Like, for example,
Speaker 1: I would want to be married
Speaker 1: and he wouldn't want to. And I think he's more
Speaker 1: like a free spirit kind of guy. So I realized
Speaker 1: all our dates were just dinner dates. We didn't do
Speaker 1: anything else. Yeah. No. No. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: So that's very important. That's compatibility. How long did it
Speaker 1: take for you to fall enough? Like, if you can remember,
Speaker 1: I think how many months in one month,
Speaker 1: one month in? I ready to drop the bomb ready? No. Ok.
Speaker 1: Can I just say I met my very close friend
Speaker 1: yesterday and then she recently met someone new and for
Speaker 1: the first time she's in love,
Speaker 1: not even one month in. And I realize it doesn't matter,
Speaker 1: the duration doesn't matter once you really find a person,
Speaker 1: that feeling and that connection. Right?
Speaker 1: It will just come for me.
Speaker 2: I knew I was in love with Charlie. I think the,
Speaker 2: the
Speaker 1: you need to teach me let go.
Speaker 2: No, I think when the right person comes
Speaker 1: you honestly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when the right person comes, wherever you are, please. Yeah. No,
Speaker 2: I think we hit it off very quickly. Like we
Speaker 2: both have wit and we had good chat. Um I
Speaker 2: love that we didn't see eye to eye because then
Speaker 2: we had these debates and sharing of our different opinions.
Speaker 2: But it was very respectful. I never felt
Speaker 2: once like I was wrong or like I had to
Speaker 2: change my thinking. If anything, it helped me see a
Speaker 2: different perspective, it helped him see a different perspective and
Speaker 2: we come out of it, understand each other better. But
Speaker 2: of course, the best part about, oh my God. Do you? No, no, no. Ok.
Speaker 2: Listen at the start, right? When you are like
Speaker 2: at this time, at this time when you're dating and
Speaker 2: you send a text and then it's a bit risky like, oh,
Speaker 2: do you want to see, do you want to meet
Speaker 2: me tomorrow or whatever? And then you're just like,
Speaker 1: yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes. Is that what are you
Speaker 1: doing tomorrow or?
Speaker 2: Like, I think I like you
Speaker 2: then you like,
Speaker 1: ok, I don't flirt. I just like I like you. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're very, you're a very direct person. You tease. No.
Speaker 1: Why you like tomorrow?
Speaker 1: I state my gross.
Speaker 2: Then what is an indicator for her to know that
Speaker 2: you are looking for
Speaker 1: romance? I think I, to be honest, I think Nick
Speaker 1: is just saying this right? But he
Speaker 2: do you baby talk with your partner?
Speaker 1: Not really. I don't, I
Speaker 2: don't believe that's a lie. I know. I don't see
Speaker 1: how you flick.
Speaker 1: You got a reason. Honestly, I think I got, but
Speaker 1: I can't demonstrate how I flirt. You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: It has happened in a moment. It's no, but honestly,
Speaker 1: humor will win.
Speaker 2: I think humor is so important. Yeah. Someone recently asked me,
Speaker 2: like a friend asked me what is the first thing
Speaker 2: that drew you to? As I was telling him, I
Speaker 2: had a realization and I learned this for the first
Speaker 2: time that
Speaker 2: I was, I immediately felt so proud to be myself. Like,
Speaker 2: you know, sometimes when you're having a crush on someone
Speaker 2: and you're trying to suss out their vibe, you don't
Speaker 2: know if you can be entirely yourself without scaring them
Speaker 2: away or like maybe you have different opinions and you
Speaker 2: don't want to show your cards too soon. That kind
Speaker 2: of hesitation, right? It's not like a,
Speaker 2: I can't wait for you to know who I am. It's,
Speaker 2: it's like a, I'm actually so proud of myself and
Speaker 2: I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. I felt like I
Speaker 2: could finally be 100% me and I would be accepted.
Speaker 2: It was like a safe space. Judgment free. Yeah. It
Speaker 2: felt like he would just really accept me for who
Speaker 2: I
Speaker 1: was when I feel the need to hold back certain
Speaker 1: things
Speaker 1: or certain traits about myself I feel unsafe. I feel
Speaker 1: like that person wouldn't like me for this specific trait.
Speaker 1: So then it's very hard for me to invest my
Speaker 1: emotions into this person. Yeah, I think it's a clear
Speaker 2: indicator that it is not the right thing.
Speaker 1: So actually, like, how do you, how do you get
Speaker 1: into a relationship? How do you dr
Speaker 1: define the
Speaker 2: relationship? Oh, for me, I got it. I got a
Speaker 2: tattoo of Charlie's drawing, right? So we were in a
Speaker 1: commitment. OK? 100%. So have you on my forever.
Speaker 2: So we were like, we play a lot of online
Speaker 2: games like drawing games, right? Drew, I took a screenshot
Speaker 2: about his drawing because his drawings are very child, like
Speaker 2: very cute. Yeah, they look like a three year old.
Speaker 2: Drew them. Yeah. Um
Speaker 2: And I saved them and we passed by a tattoo
Speaker 2: parlor and like, OK, let's just do it like this
Speaker 2: is the first time in my life, I've flown like
Speaker 2: 10,000 miles to meet someone. Even if we don't end
Speaker 2: up together forever. I want to remember this day, you know,
Speaker 2: so I was like, OK, let's just get this drawing.
Speaker 2: So I got a drawing that he drew
Speaker 2: and this is supposed to be a lamb. By the way,
Speaker 2: it's not a lamb show, the camera, it's not a lamb. OK.
Speaker 2: So anyway, I got it done. And then after I
Speaker 2: was done, I was working with him and I said, oh,
Speaker 2: what are you going to say to my friends when
Speaker 2: they asked me, like, what this is? And then he
Speaker 2: said you can tell them your boyfriend. No.
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah. After that, I'm like, ok, my current relationship,
Speaker 1: I was the, oh, how
Speaker 2: did she ask you? I
Speaker 1: never knew this because she said that she want to
Speaker 1: be sure. But I really, sure. Now I still remember
Speaker 1: we were supposed to, we were traveling the next day.
Speaker 1: But then I was damn sick. I got fever and everything.
Speaker 1: So I passed out at home and I said, OK,
Speaker 1: I better recover before we fly. So then the two
Speaker 1: hours that I was passed out. No, no,
Speaker 1: in the apartment then inform the message that said like, oh,
Speaker 1: I stay mine. She didn't say that. Is it like,
Speaker 2: will you be my boyfriend
Speaker 1: or what? No, I stay mine. I can't remember something
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: One of the first things that I always do in
Speaker 2: a relationship, not like a lot but is figure out
Speaker 2: love language.
Speaker 2: Oh OK. There's words of affirmation, touch, touch, acts of service,
Speaker 2: gifts and
Speaker 1: time. So actually after entering a relationship, right? Do you
Speaker 1: try to change your love language or adapt your partner's
Speaker 1: love
Speaker 2: language? Because I'm a very vocal person and I talk
Speaker 2: to process. Whereas
Speaker 2: my husband is the opposite of that. He needs his
Speaker 2: quiet time to process when he doesn't talk to me.
Speaker 2: I feel like we are not processing it, like we're
Speaker 2: not processing the problem.
Speaker 1: We're trying to work our affirmation. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Exactly. And I was like, actually I am now
Speaker 2: disrespecting his process. The way I express love is through
Speaker 2: words of affirmation, but he didn't need it. And in fact,
Speaker 2: it would stress him out even more. And it took
Speaker 2: me a long time to realize that I am doing
Speaker 2: it for me to feel better about his problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So we found a good balance. Like if he's
Speaker 2: not feeling it, he tells me and then I'll know
Speaker 2: that it's nothing to do with me and I'll just
Speaker 2: give him
Speaker 1: space. So I love language is different.
Speaker 2: I love languages are pretty different, but
Speaker 1: I just need to give and take.
Speaker 2: But I do feel like your question is interesting because
Speaker 2: I have kind of adapted to it because the way
Speaker 2: he gives and the way I receive can be different.
Speaker 2: But if I know that that's how he gives, then
Speaker 2: that's how I will receive it. Also
Speaker 2: the question Paul,
Speaker 1: what's something you still refuse to eat?
Speaker 1: Salary? Huh? Ok. It was a but then I get it.
Speaker 1: I get it. But in stews. Ok. So minimum five.
Speaker 2: What is one green flag about yourself? I think I'm
Speaker 2: always willing to listen. You're
Speaker 1: going to laugh again
Speaker 1: if you could swap souls with someone for a day,
Speaker 1: who would it be? To be honest, I'll stop with
Speaker 1: Nick because then I can travel a lot.
Speaker 2: I'll be Nick. Then I'll be like, oh, I hustle
Speaker 2: too hard today.
Speaker 1: He's giving shack bite. But I think I would be
Speaker 1: very curious
Speaker 1: about a day in your life because you wake up
Speaker 1: at 5 a.m.
Speaker 2: and you drink three liters of water
Speaker 1: and then when I drink three liters, oh, my most
Speaker 1: days I wake up at five AMI sleep at 12. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I sleep at 4 a.m. It's not enough. Don't do that.
Speaker 1: Try and get 78
Speaker 2: hours. I am very confused.
Speaker 1: So our attachment styles can also significantly influence how you
Speaker 1: experience love and relationship. Do you all know what your
Speaker 1: attachment styles? Ok. Do you know what it means? No,
Speaker 1: actually today is the first day that I found out
Speaker 1: about attachment styles. OK? An attachment style. People will usually
Speaker 1: want answers if your partner doesn't text back. You, you
Speaker 1: never you overthink about like where are they, what are
Speaker 1: they doing without me? Are they talking to another girl?
Speaker 1: I think they are always questioning whether like things are
Speaker 1: going the right way and then avoidant attachment styles are
Speaker 1: known to have a bit of a complicated childhood. Their
Speaker 1: parents weren't really there. That's why they are more avoidant.
Speaker 1: So they will avoid any conflict or confrontation. And when
Speaker 1: there's a problem, they rather run away than to talk
Speaker 1: about it, then there's secure, which is the best, the
Speaker 1: best kind you, you technically people should aim to be
Speaker 1: a secure attachment style person. And then there's disorganizedd, which
Speaker 1: is a mix of anxious and
Speaker 1: er avoidant. So for the longest time, I thought I
Speaker 1: was anxious, but I realized that my anxiousness is only
Speaker 1: triggered when I did an avoidant because that person doesn't
Speaker 1: want to sit down to talk to me. And, and
Speaker 1: there was this one incident where this guy, he just for,
Speaker 1: for one week, I was, I realized I was suppressing
Speaker 1: my needs and like, why should I do that? And
Speaker 1: eventually I texted him first.
Speaker 1: Ah and I realized like, wow, he truly is an
Speaker 1: avoidant person. And we were just opposites during
Speaker 2: the test. They ask you a lot of questions about
Speaker 2: your mom, your dad or your mother figure and your
Speaker 2: father figure in your life, then your partner. And at
Speaker 2: the end it said I am anxious but I feel
Speaker 2: pretty secure in my relationship with my husband.
Speaker 2: And then I remember that they asked a lot of
Speaker 2: questions about your parents. And I remember answering it was
Speaker 2: at the far end always. And I'm like, ok, interesting.
Speaker 1: I avoid avoid, but I feel like I already knew that.
Speaker 1: So with other people, I am super avoidant like I
Speaker 1: don't really talk about feelings. Yeah. Or I will talk
Speaker 1: about it very matter of factly. Right? And then
Speaker 1: I think with my partner that is probably the most
Speaker 1: emotionally open. I am ready. But even then she also
Speaker 1: gives feedback that quite emotionally
Speaker 1: locked up. Yeah. I think a lot of it stems
Speaker 1: from my childhood because I was the oldest child, material
Speaker 1: comforts and needs were always met. So I got no fear.
Speaker 1: I don't have any fear of being picked out of
Speaker 1: the house or abandoned or anything like that, but just
Speaker 1: the emotional side of things, my parents generally left me
Speaker 1: to go and figure it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, even now I'm also always like whenever I'm
Speaker 1: going through stuff, I'll be like, I want to, I
Speaker 1: prefer to deal with that myself. Actually, I think most
Speaker 1: men avoidant. I wouldn't categorize them as avoidant totally. But
Speaker 1: they rather process it on their own first. They want
Speaker 1: to be left alone. Then the women will always be OK. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I shouldn't generalize. But then a lot of women that
Speaker 1: I know would rather talk about it right now we
Speaker 1: solve it, then go to sleep,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of that also is a direct
Speaker 2: cause of the way society
Speaker 2: expect men to just have it all together. You have feelings,
Speaker 2: don't talk about it. That's how our parents were. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like men don't cry, don't show any sign of weakness.
Speaker 2: And as a result, I feel like it trickles down
Speaker 2: into how boys are raised. I have a guy friend
Speaker 2: who is very, and when we're in a group setting
Speaker 2: and we are all like sharing, you know, we play
Speaker 2: like we're not really strangers and they actually vocalize that, like, oh,
Speaker 2: you know, I've actually never been able to talk like
Speaker 2: this with anyone. Not even my sister,
Speaker 2: it's not even my family because we're just not like that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I
Speaker 1: think I'm not very in tune with some emotions. Like,
Speaker 1: what
Speaker 2: she says this with the most.
Speaker 1: I don't think I name some emotions. I don't really
Speaker 1: connect with sadness. I'm either, like, frustrated or angry or anxious.
Speaker 1: You have never really labeled your feelings as I'm sad
Speaker 1: right now. Like you say, I'm angry. I'm frustrated. When
Speaker 1: was the last
Speaker 2: time you cried? 20
Speaker 1: 18 yesterday? Huh?
Speaker 1: Fire fires and air cry.
Speaker 1: No, you're kidding. Is that right?
Speaker 2: So that's
Speaker 1: ok. Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 1: Punch in tune with happiness and all the other stuff.
Speaker 1: But do you think that you're suppressing quite happy with
Speaker 1: the way? I
Speaker 2: mean, it's functioning and you don't feel like every time
Speaker 2: you want to cry, you push it down. I think
Speaker 2: you don't even feel like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think you can really
Speaker 2: actually you said you are
Speaker 2: avoid it but then you are direct in your delivery
Speaker 2: when you are communicating things. Do you feel like there's
Speaker 2: a
Speaker 2: clash? I
Speaker 1: think the positive, positive messages and communication. I am comfortable
Speaker 1: being direct but maybe if it's like confrontation or conflict,
Speaker 1: then not. So, so for you guys, what do you
Speaker 1: think sustains your relationship and the love that you guys have?
Speaker 1: Who
Speaker 1: deep questions, avoidant attachment style trigger.
Speaker 2: It's ok. I can answer first. I feel
Speaker 1: like this episode is draining him because he needs to
Speaker 1: reflect and evaluate his emotions. I see his eyes drifting
Speaker 1: away every day. Just wake up and just love love.
Speaker 1: I want to have that kind of brain. I want
Speaker 1: to feel less. You know what I mean? No, I
Speaker 1: don't think, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel, I don't, I feel like
Speaker 1: I sometimes feel too much and it can be a burden.
Speaker 1: But anyway, going back to your relationships and how you
Speaker 1: sustain the love for my relationship specifically, we try to,
Speaker 1: we value new experiences. So travel or like trying out
Speaker 1: new things. Yeah. No, I do think that trying new
Speaker 1: things gives you the opportunity to talk about things and
Speaker 1: reflect on those memories
Speaker 1: every day. Stay home, watch show we talk about in
Speaker 1: the future. There's no newfound interest. I think a lot
Speaker 1: of times the thing that sort of keeps things interesting,
Speaker 1: right is you see how your partner reacts to new
Speaker 1: experiences and new things and then you can communicate. Do
Speaker 1: you like this? Do you not like this? And then
Speaker 1: you learn new things about each other? So I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times what keeps relationships going, right?
Speaker 1: Is discovering more about each other and I think that
Speaker 1: is supposed to continue until you die. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think, I think communication matters the most sometimes when
Speaker 2: you are having arguments too. Like a lot of times
Speaker 2: in previous relationships, I found that I listened to reply,
Speaker 2: like I listen to quickly find a counter. And in
Speaker 2: my relationship now I listen to understand because we are
Speaker 2: different culturally. We are very different too. So there are
Speaker 2: certain things that, you know, I have to understand that
Speaker 2: if he does, it's not
Speaker 2: out of malice or ignorance, it's just like he just,
Speaker 2: he really grew up differently.
Speaker 1: What about the people who choose to be single? Do
Speaker 1: you think that their attachment style affects whether they choose
Speaker 1: to be single or not? And then the relationships that
Speaker 1: they have with their friends and family,
Speaker 2: I feel like attachment styles
Speaker 2: don't necessarily have to correlate with romance because it's the
Speaker 2: way you view relationships, right? And the way you problem solve. OK.
Speaker 2: Based on your dating experience, how tough is it out there?
Speaker 1: It's rough guys. It's rough. It's really rough if you
Speaker 1: go and ask all your single friends right around our age.
Speaker 1: I think there are two things, dating apps wise. The pool,
Speaker 1: the pool is, I want to say not great, but
Speaker 1: you see the same people on different apps. I feel
Speaker 1: like everyone is kind of like also having failed connections
Speaker 1: is really quite tiring. After a
Speaker 2: while, you have to constantly put yourself out there. Start
Speaker 2: from zero. Have the whole, what's your favorite color over
Speaker 2: and over and over?
Speaker 1: You have to be vulnerable all over again to someone
Speaker 1: new and
Speaker 1: it just, it's just a very tiring process. I have
Speaker 1: a single friend girl who said that the ship has
Speaker 1: sailed for people our age. The next ship will come
Speaker 1: right with the divorcees.
Speaker 1: But she said like the prime age is from the
Speaker 1: uni until like maybe two years after uni still got
Speaker 1: a chance. Then by then everybody partnered up already. But
Speaker 2: I do feel like
Speaker 2: there is this pressure like, oh, you're 28 and too single.
Speaker 2: Are you one like that? Is it a too picky?
Speaker 1: But
Speaker 2: what's wrong with being single at 28?
Speaker 1: No guys? I want to jump on that. People always
Speaker 1: say that. But what's wrong with having standards because you
Speaker 1: only have one life and if you want to choose
Speaker 1: the right person, why should your bar be low? I
Speaker 1: think there's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with it and there's nothing wrong with wanting to
Speaker 2: wait until the right person comes like
Speaker 2: we can totally function as single people. So after everything
Speaker 2: that we discussed, I think falling in love sounds like
Speaker 2: super fun and great. And it's always like, you know,
Speaker 2: you see the butterflies but it's not always a bill
Speaker 2: of roses and it actually is a lot of hard
Speaker 2: work and commitment to keep staying in love and in
Speaker 2: your relationship to make it work. Just choose love guys
Speaker 2: every day. You wake up and choose
Speaker 1: love. Yes. If you want to be single, be single.
Speaker 1: If you want to be attached, be attached.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for watching the hotpot. We are
Speaker 1: also on Spotify Apple Podcast and me to listen
Speaker 2: and please leave us a comment down below on why
Speaker 2: you love being in love, your favorite love stories or
Speaker 2: why you love being single. We want to hear all
Speaker 2: about it and
Speaker 1: if you haven't already, please subscribe to our channel as
Speaker 1: well at you God watch and we will see you
Speaker 1: next week. Bye bye.