1 00:00:06,750 --> 00:00:09,869 Speaker 1: Hello, everyone. Welcome to the hotpot where we hop into 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:13,170 Speaker 1: different transitions in life. My name is Nick. I'm Joey 3 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:15,590 Speaker 1: and I'm, and today we are going to be talking 4 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:16,879 Speaker 1: about love, 5 00:00:17,510 --> 00:00:22,169 Speaker 1: love specifically how we fall in love. So how did 6 00:00:22,180 --> 00:00:23,909 Speaker 1: we fall in love? What makes us fall in love? 7 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: How you transition from being single into getting a relationship? 8 00:00:27,370 --> 00:00:33,069 Speaker 1: How do you navigate all the tingling feelings? I don't 9 00:00:33,130 --> 00:00:33,220 Speaker 1: remember 10 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: the feeling of love. No, I really don't remember the 11 00:00:38,409 --> 00:00:41,650 Speaker 1: feeling of being in love with someone because it's been 12 00:00:41,659 --> 00:00:42,299 Speaker 1: a while. What about 13 00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:46,049 Speaker 2: crush? Crush? The butterflies and the 14 00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:49,089 Speaker 1: how does it transition from a crush to 15 00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:55,830 Speaker 1: love? Can you stop? No, no, no. You can't ask 16 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,380 Speaker 1: me because I don't, I don't remember. 17 00:00:57,389 --> 00:01:00,340 Speaker 2: OK. So for Q it's crush and then it goes 18 00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:01,549 Speaker 2: into love. I 19 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: would say infatuation in and crush the difference. I think 20 00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:09,089 Speaker 1: whenever people say crush, it feels like harmless. 21 00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:12,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, you have a crush on anyone, correct? But infatuation 22 00:01:12,769 --> 00:01:16,809 Speaker 1: feels more intimate. You are actually getting to know someone already. 23 00:01:16,919 --> 00:01:19,809 Speaker 1: Crush might be from a distance. I candy crush, 24 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:24,980 Speaker 2: right? Infatuation is like another step in OK. Crush 25 00:01:24,989 --> 00:01:25,790 Speaker 1: infatuation. 26 00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:32,000 Speaker 1: So actually, what does falling in love look like to you? Actually, 27 00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:35,970 Speaker 1: I'm more curious. You want to neglect my issues? Is 28 00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:36,150 Speaker 1: it 29 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,279 Speaker 2: for me? Love comes very easy and fast. So I 30 00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:40,669 Speaker 2: want to hear it from a different perspective. 31 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:45,029 Speaker 1: My memory of love was like 5 to 6 years ago. 32 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,750 Speaker 1: So my parents recently pointed out that they notice that 33 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,830 Speaker 1: I don't fall in love easily. Every time I date someone, 34 00:01:50,839 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: it just ends at the infatuation and then it just 35 00:01:54,449 --> 00:01:56,389 Speaker 1: never goes beyond a certain like 36 00:01:56,489 --> 00:01:59,580 Speaker 1: amount of feeling, emotion. What is 37 00:01:59,589 --> 00:02:03,330 Speaker 2: an indicator to yourself that it has transitioned from infatuation 38 00:02:03,339 --> 00:02:03,940 Speaker 2: to love? 39 00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:07,330 Speaker 1: Asking the right question is Joe. I don't know. I 40 00:02:07,339 --> 00:02:10,610 Speaker 1: think it's this mutual feeling when you don't need to 41 00:02:10,619 --> 00:02:11,399 Speaker 1: express it, 42 00:02:11,809 --> 00:02:13,429 Speaker 2: but it's just a feeling that, you know, 43 00:02:13,949 --> 00:02:16,270 Speaker 1: you just know it one day that this person loves 44 00:02:16,279 --> 00:02:18,350 Speaker 1: me and I love them so it has to be 45 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:21,490 Speaker 1: mutual somehow for me unrequited love. 46 00:02:22,389 --> 00:02:25,070 Speaker 1: I've never had that so interesting, complicated. I think I 47 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 1: got people that don't love me before. Yeah, I think 48 00:02:28,809 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: I fall faster than the other person. 49 00:02:31,589 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I stopped myself from falling in love 50 00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,788 Speaker 1: if I know that this person is not stable or 51 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,690 Speaker 1: rather safe. So you think it can be controlled? I 52 00:02:39,699 --> 00:02:43,449 Speaker 1: think I can subconsciously control my feelings. I don't let 53 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:47,110 Speaker 1: myself fall too deep. What about you? What does love 54 00:02:47,119 --> 00:02:47,570 Speaker 1: feel like 55 00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:54,029 Speaker 2: to you? I am absolutely hopeless, useless, romantic. I fall 56 00:02:54,038 --> 00:02:54,660 Speaker 2: in love 57 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,758 Speaker 2: this fast. But I also fall out of love this fast. 58 00:02:58,770 --> 00:03:00,959 Speaker 2: I love the chase. I used to love the chase 59 00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:06,009 Speaker 2: and I chased someone for two months. Finally. Now they're 60 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,110 Speaker 2: like obsessed with me. Right. And the moment I realized 61 00:03:09,119 --> 00:03:12,220 Speaker 2: that they were obsessed with me the way I was, 62 00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:14,470 Speaker 2: I immediately hated them. 63 00:03:14,479 --> 00:03:16,490 Speaker 1: Was it an egg? It became an 64 00:03:16,649 --> 00:03:18,419 Speaker 2: egg. I'm not even kidding. We went on a date. 65 00:03:18,429 --> 00:03:20,679 Speaker 2: It was so great. It was perfect. It was very 66 00:03:20,690 --> 00:03:21,830 Speaker 2: gentlemanly and, 67 00:03:22,089 --> 00:03:24,460 Speaker 2: and at the end of the day, on the way home, 68 00:03:24,470 --> 00:03:26,110 Speaker 2: I was like, I do not want to see him 69 00:03:26,119 --> 00:03:26,779 Speaker 2: ever again. 70 00:03:27,258 --> 00:03:29,229 Speaker 1: Ok. Do you think that it's because he came on 71 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:29,698 Speaker 1: too hard? 72 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,050 Speaker 2: It was equal. Like we finally matched each other, or 73 00:03:34,059 --> 00:03:35,289 Speaker 2: at least to me. Right. 74 00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:37,339 Speaker 1: So you think you must love more? You know what's 75 00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:40,130 Speaker 2: interesting? So, I recently there was a, there's a study 76 00:03:40,139 --> 00:03:44,460 Speaker 2: by a couples therapist who has a lot of experience 77 00:03:44,470 --> 00:03:47,589 Speaker 2: working with married couples. And he said that in every relationship, 78 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,770 Speaker 2: of course, the best is when it's equal, when it's mutual, 79 00:03:50,779 --> 00:03:51,990 Speaker 2: the love is the same 80 00:03:53,050 --> 00:03:56,119 Speaker 2: at any time. If the love is stronger with one person, 81 00:03:56,210 --> 00:03:59,190 Speaker 2: it needs to be with the male and not the 82 00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:04,470 Speaker 2: female because intrinsically as females, it doesn't matter how much 83 00:04:04,479 --> 00:04:07,350 Speaker 2: we love the person, we will always operate on love. 84 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:08,928 Speaker 2: I don't need to be in love with you, but 85 00:04:08,940 --> 00:04:10,929 Speaker 2: I will still do everything I need to do to 86 00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:13,889 Speaker 2: get everything done. Whereas once a man is out of love, 87 00:04:13,899 --> 00:04:18,519 Speaker 2: he can no longer be functioning in that family nucleus 88 00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:19,079 Speaker 2: anymore 89 00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:22,678 Speaker 2: based on his experience. And that blew my mind. Ok. 90 00:04:22,690 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 2: But anyway, 91 00:04:23,329 --> 00:04:24,950 Speaker 1: it late. No, 92 00:04:26,390 --> 00:04:29,899 Speaker 1: well, end of conversation because I mean, I think like 93 00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:31,219 Speaker 1: when I fall in love then 94 00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:33,799 Speaker 1: it's been nice love, right? 95 00:04:33,809 --> 00:04:36,859 Speaker 2: But ok, wait, so you understand the chase thing? Yeah. Yeah. 96 00:04:36,869 --> 00:04:38,829 Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I'm a hopeless writing. So I am also 97 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,868 Speaker 1: a chaser. So I have never, I have never been 98 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,539 Speaker 1: chased before. No. But I think if someone chase me, 99 00:04:44,549 --> 00:04:45,029 Speaker 1: I think I like, 100 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:46,799 Speaker 2: I don't know how 101 00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:48,690 Speaker 1: to work. I like chase. I don't think I can 102 00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: fall in love if I'm being chased. Ok? If the 103 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:54,380 Speaker 1: girl makes the first move, you don't like too obvious. 104 00:04:54,390 --> 00:04:56,618 Speaker 1: I don't like as in if she does it in 105 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,329 Speaker 1: a cool manner, 106 00:05:01,459 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 1: I can, I can't wyd No, OK, like I, every 107 00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:09,059 Speaker 1: time I try to connect with someone, right? I will 108 00:05:09,070 --> 00:05:11,868 Speaker 1: always find a similar interest to talk about first and 109 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,868 Speaker 1: I won't wait for that person to start the conversation first. 110 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,269 Speaker 1: I don't believe in 111 00:05:16,809 --> 00:05:19,558 Speaker 1: men. Always making the first move. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I, 112 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:23,230 Speaker 1: I don't believe in men always making you like like, ok, 113 00:05:23,238 --> 00:05:26,070 Speaker 1: so common responses when people are asked to describe what 114 00:05:26,079 --> 00:05:29,219 Speaker 1: falling in love is like burst of energy and excitement. 115 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 1: Sense of newness. You got a new toy, 116 00:05:33,678 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: difficulty focusing on anything else? OK. OK. Your bond suddenly 117 00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:42,850 Speaker 1: remember then go go to desire to spend as much 118 00:05:42,859 --> 00:05:45,660 Speaker 1: time together as possible. Don't need your own personal space. 119 00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:49,540 Speaker 1: Interest in everything about them, feelings of attachment and a 120 00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,649 Speaker 1: sense of security. Can 121 00:05:51,660 --> 00:05:53,279 Speaker 2: I just say that it got to be very excited? 122 00:05:53,290 --> 00:05:54,429 Speaker 2: I love, love. 123 00:05:55,410 --> 00:05:56,029 Speaker 2: I love. 124 00:05:57,178 --> 00:05:59,380 Speaker 1: He cannot understand you. I keep 125 00:05:59,390 --> 00:06:01,269 Speaker 2: telling Charlie like, oh my God, I wish that we 126 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,209 Speaker 2: could just go back to fall in love again again 127 00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:03,929 Speaker 2: again again, again, 128 00:06:04,619 --> 00:06:07,190 Speaker 1: even though you've been together with him for quite some time. 129 00:06:08,059 --> 00:06:11,428 Speaker 1: Do you fall in love again with your partner? 130 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:13,850 Speaker 2: I think there are moments where I look at him 131 00:06:13,859 --> 00:06:18,828 Speaker 2: and I feel like butterflies again. Sometimes. Sometimes if you 132 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,169 Speaker 2: always got butterflies at the doctor, 133 00:06:22,459 --> 00:06:27,010 Speaker 1: your stomach, I think so. I think it's in a 134 00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 1: very different, it's a slightly different form should be funny. 135 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:33,959 Speaker 1: Then 136 00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,399 Speaker 2: you're like, oh my God, you're so funny. I'm so 137 00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:36,829 Speaker 2: happy I'm with you. Right? 138 00:06:37,140 --> 00:06:39,380 Speaker 1: It's a very, very dizzy 139 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:41,649 Speaker 2: like blood 140 00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:43,829 Speaker 1: pressure, not enough iron. 141 00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,149 Speaker 2: Oh, no. Actually I do. I look at him and 142 00:06:47,170 --> 00:06:48,170 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, so 143 00:06:48,178 --> 00:06:52,678 Speaker 1: what were the qualities you look for in your current partner? 144 00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:55,540 Speaker 1: So I think the first thing that attracted me to 145 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:59,940 Speaker 1: her was we were emotionally very compatible. Can connect on 146 00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: a deeper level. Also helped that I was physically, I 147 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:07,470 Speaker 1: found her attractive, right? As in, I think I always 148 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: look for chemistry. And then I confuse chemistry with compatibility. 149 00:07:13,149 --> 00:07:15,899 Speaker 1: And the most recent person that I dated, we had 150 00:07:15,910 --> 00:07:18,829 Speaker 1: very strong chemistry and I was kind of like blinded 151 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:21,929 Speaker 1: in a sense that this person might be the one 152 00:07:22,690 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: might be the person that I might end up being 153 00:07:25,649 --> 00:07:28,209 Speaker 1: in a relationship and falling in love with. But then 154 00:07:28,220 --> 00:07:31,750 Speaker 1: I realized like, oh his life trajectory and how I 155 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: see my life going is very different. Like, for example, 156 00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:36,019 Speaker 1: I would want to be married 157 00:07:36,619 --> 00:07:39,619 Speaker 1: and he wouldn't want to. And I think he's more 158 00:07:39,630 --> 00:07:43,029 Speaker 1: like a free spirit kind of guy. So I realized 159 00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:45,869 Speaker 1: all our dates were just dinner dates. We didn't do 160 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:50,649 Speaker 1: anything else. Yeah. No. No. You know what I mean? 161 00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:54,309 Speaker 1: So that's very important. That's compatibility. How long did it 162 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,109 Speaker 1: take for you to fall enough? Like, if you can remember, 163 00:07:57,470 --> 00:07:59,399 Speaker 1: I think how many months in one month, 164 00:08:00,010 --> 00:08:03,390 Speaker 1: one month in? I ready to drop the bomb ready? No. Ok. 165 00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,649 Speaker 1: Can I just say I met my very close friend 166 00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 1: yesterday and then she recently met someone new and for 167 00:08:09,929 --> 00:08:11,260 Speaker 1: the first time she's in love, 168 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,070 Speaker 1: not even one month in. And I realize it doesn't matter, 169 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,720 Speaker 1: the duration doesn't matter once you really find a person, 170 00:08:18,730 --> 00:08:20,320 Speaker 1: that feeling and that connection. Right? 171 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 1: It will just come for me. 172 00:08:23,559 --> 00:08:26,850 Speaker 2: I knew I was in love with Charlie. I think the, 173 00:08:28,429 --> 00:08:28,850 Speaker 2: the 174 00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:32,849 Speaker 1: you need to teach me let go. 175 00:08:33,070 --> 00:08:35,010 Speaker 2: No, I think when the right person comes 176 00:08:35,020 --> 00:08:36,940 Speaker 1: you honestly. 177 00:08:37,729 --> 00:08:41,338 Speaker 2: Yeah, when the right person comes, wherever you are, please. Yeah. No, 178 00:08:41,348 --> 00:08:44,398 Speaker 2: I think we hit it off very quickly. Like we 179 00:08:44,408 --> 00:08:48,508 Speaker 2: both have wit and we had good chat. Um I 180 00:08:48,518 --> 00:08:51,388 Speaker 2: love that we didn't see eye to eye because then 181 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:57,258 Speaker 2: we had these debates and sharing of our different opinions. 182 00:08:57,268 --> 00:08:59,239 Speaker 2: But it was very respectful. I never felt 183 00:08:59,315 --> 00:09:03,484 Speaker 2: once like I was wrong or like I had to 184 00:09:03,684 --> 00:09:06,294 Speaker 2: change my thinking. If anything, it helped me see a 185 00:09:06,304 --> 00:09:09,314 Speaker 2: different perspective, it helped him see a different perspective and 186 00:09:09,325 --> 00:09:11,424 Speaker 2: we come out of it, understand each other better. But 187 00:09:12,434 --> 00:09:17,895 Speaker 2: of course, the best part about, oh my God. Do you? No, no, no. Ok. 188 00:09:17,994 --> 00:09:20,205 Speaker 2: Listen at the start, right? When you are like 189 00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,929 Speaker 2: at this time, at this time when you're dating and 190 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:28,650 Speaker 2: you send a text and then it's a bit risky like, oh, 191 00:09:28,659 --> 00:09:30,140 Speaker 2: do you want to see, do you want to meet 192 00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:31,729 Speaker 2: me tomorrow or whatever? And then you're just like, 193 00:09:31,799 --> 00:09:34,858 Speaker 1: yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes. Is that what are you 194 00:09:34,869 --> 00:09:35,609 Speaker 1: doing tomorrow or? 195 00:09:35,619 --> 00:09:37,049 Speaker 2: Like, I think I like you 196 00:09:37,809 --> 00:09:38,719 Speaker 2: then you like, 197 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,919 Speaker 1: ok, I don't flirt. I just like I like you. Oh, 198 00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:46,309 Speaker 1: you're very, you're a very direct person. You tease. No. 199 00:09:47,929 --> 00:09:48,460 Speaker 1: Why you like tomorrow? 200 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: I state my gross. 201 00:09:52,849 --> 00:09:55,140 Speaker 2: Then what is an indicator for her to know that 202 00:09:55,150 --> 00:09:56,280 Speaker 2: you are looking for 203 00:09:56,289 --> 00:09:59,449 Speaker 1: romance? I think I, to be honest, I think Nick 204 00:09:59,460 --> 00:10:01,330 Speaker 1: is just saying this right? But he 205 00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:04,859 Speaker 2: do you baby talk with your partner? 206 00:10:04,909 --> 00:10:06,539 Speaker 1: Not really. I don't, I 207 00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:08,489 Speaker 2: don't believe that's a lie. I know. I don't see 208 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,478 Speaker 1: how you flick. 209 00:10:10,070 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 1: You got a reason. Honestly, I think I got, but 210 00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 1: I can't demonstrate how I flirt. You know what I mean? 211 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:24,119 Speaker 1: It has happened in a moment. It's no, but honestly, 212 00:10:24,130 --> 00:10:25,689 Speaker 1: humor will win. 213 00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 2: I think humor is so important. Yeah. Someone recently asked me, 214 00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 2: like a friend asked me what is the first thing 215 00:10:31,890 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: that drew you to? As I was telling him, I 216 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,409 Speaker 2: had a realization and I learned this for the first 217 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,140 Speaker 2: time that 218 00:10:39,119 --> 00:10:43,510 Speaker 2: I was, I immediately felt so proud to be myself. Like, 219 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,890 Speaker 2: you know, sometimes when you're having a crush on someone 220 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:48,169 Speaker 2: and you're trying to suss out their vibe, you don't 221 00:10:48,179 --> 00:10:51,659 Speaker 2: know if you can be entirely yourself without scaring them 222 00:10:51,669 --> 00:10:55,380 Speaker 2: away or like maybe you have different opinions and you 223 00:10:55,390 --> 00:10:58,309 Speaker 2: don't want to show your cards too soon. That kind 224 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,659 Speaker 2: of hesitation, right? It's not like a, 225 00:11:00,765 --> 00:11:01,954 Speaker 2: I can't wait for you to know who I am. It's, 226 00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:04,964 Speaker 2: it's like a, I'm actually so proud of myself and 227 00:11:04,974 --> 00:11:07,525 Speaker 2: I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. I felt like I 228 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:11,593 Speaker 2: could finally be 100% me and I would be accepted. 229 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:14,525 Speaker 2: It was like a safe space. Judgment free. Yeah. It 230 00:11:14,534 --> 00:11:17,454 Speaker 2: felt like he would just really accept me for who 231 00:11:17,465 --> 00:11:17,474 Speaker 2: I 232 00:11:17,484 --> 00:11:21,684 Speaker 1: was when I feel the need to hold back certain 233 00:11:21,695 --> 00:11:22,275 Speaker 1: things 234 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 1: or certain traits about myself I feel unsafe. I feel 235 00:11:26,289 --> 00:11:28,939 Speaker 1: like that person wouldn't like me for this specific trait. 236 00:11:29,109 --> 00:11:31,510 Speaker 1: So then it's very hard for me to invest my 237 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,900 Speaker 1: emotions into this person. Yeah, I think it's a clear 238 00:11:34,909 --> 00:11:36,369 Speaker 2: indicator that it is not the right thing. 239 00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:39,260 Speaker 1: So actually, like, how do you, how do you get 240 00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:42,070 Speaker 1: into a relationship? How do you dr 241 00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:43,979 Speaker 1: define the 242 00:11:43,989 --> 00:11:48,390 Speaker 2: relationship? Oh, for me, I got it. I got a 243 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:52,429 Speaker 2: tattoo of Charlie's drawing, right? So we were in a 244 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,299 Speaker 1: commitment. OK? 100%. So have you on my forever. 245 00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:58,770 Speaker 2: So we were like, we play a lot of online 246 00:11:58,780 --> 00:12:02,780 Speaker 2: games like drawing games, right? Drew, I took a screenshot 247 00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:06,530 Speaker 2: about his drawing because his drawings are very child, like 248 00:12:06,539 --> 00:12:08,710 Speaker 2: very cute. Yeah, they look like a three year old. 249 00:12:08,719 --> 00:12:10,890 Speaker 2: Drew them. Yeah. Um 250 00:12:11,359 --> 00:12:13,919 Speaker 2: And I saved them and we passed by a tattoo 251 00:12:13,929 --> 00:12:16,289 Speaker 2: parlor and like, OK, let's just do it like this 252 00:12:16,299 --> 00:12:18,289 Speaker 2: is the first time in my life, I've flown like 253 00:12:18,299 --> 00:12:21,659 Speaker 2: 10,000 miles to meet someone. Even if we don't end 254 00:12:21,669 --> 00:12:24,700 Speaker 2: up together forever. I want to remember this day, you know, 255 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,849 Speaker 2: so I was like, OK, let's just get this drawing. 256 00:12:26,859 --> 00:12:28,189 Speaker 2: So I got a drawing that he drew 257 00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:31,340 Speaker 2: and this is supposed to be a lamb. By the way, 258 00:12:31,349 --> 00:12:35,119 Speaker 2: it's not a lamb show, the camera, it's not a lamb. OK. 259 00:12:35,309 --> 00:12:38,270 Speaker 2: So anyway, I got it done. And then after I 260 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,569 Speaker 2: was done, I was working with him and I said, oh, 261 00:12:39,580 --> 00:12:41,770 Speaker 2: what are you going to say to my friends when 262 00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:45,419 Speaker 2: they asked me, like, what this is? And then he 263 00:12:45,429 --> 00:12:47,988 Speaker 2: said you can tell them your boyfriend. No. 264 00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:57,449 Speaker 1: You know. Yeah. After that, I'm like, ok, my current relationship, 265 00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,939 Speaker 1: I was the, oh, how 266 00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:01,469 Speaker 2: did she ask you? I 267 00:13:01,479 --> 00:13:03,830 Speaker 1: never knew this because she said that she want to 268 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,390 Speaker 1: be sure. But I really, sure. Now I still remember 269 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,630 Speaker 1: we were supposed to, we were traveling the next day. 270 00:13:10,669 --> 00:13:13,209 Speaker 1: But then I was damn sick. I got fever and everything. 271 00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:14,809 Speaker 1: So I passed out at home and I said, OK, 272 00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:18,479 Speaker 1: I better recover before we fly. So then the two 273 00:13:18,489 --> 00:13:20,260 Speaker 1: hours that I was passed out. No, no, 274 00:13:20,969 --> 00:13:27,549 Speaker 1: in the apartment then inform the message that said like, oh, 275 00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 1: I stay mine. She didn't say that. Is it like, 276 00:13:30,849 --> 00:13:31,859 Speaker 2: will you be my boyfriend 277 00:13:31,869 --> 00:13:36,190 Speaker 1: or what? No, I stay mine. I can't remember something 278 00:13:36,239 --> 00:13:36,450 Speaker 1: like that. 279 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:39,669 Speaker 2: One of the first things that I always do in 280 00:13:39,679 --> 00:13:42,940 Speaker 2: a relationship, not like a lot but is figure out 281 00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:43,919 Speaker 2: love language. 282 00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:49,659 Speaker 2: Oh OK. There's words of affirmation, touch, touch, acts of service, 283 00:13:49,669 --> 00:13:50,848 Speaker 2: gifts and 284 00:13:50,859 --> 00:13:54,210 Speaker 1: time. So actually after entering a relationship, right? Do you 285 00:13:54,219 --> 00:13:57,809 Speaker 1: try to change your love language or adapt your partner's 286 00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:58,020 Speaker 1: love 287 00:13:58,030 --> 00:14:02,020 Speaker 2: language? Because I'm a very vocal person and I talk 288 00:14:02,030 --> 00:14:03,750 Speaker 2: to process. Whereas 289 00:14:04,849 --> 00:14:08,099 Speaker 2: my husband is the opposite of that. He needs his 290 00:14:08,109 --> 00:14:11,780 Speaker 2: quiet time to process when he doesn't talk to me. 291 00:14:11,789 --> 00:14:14,840 Speaker 2: I feel like we are not processing it, like we're 292 00:14:14,849 --> 00:14:15,979 Speaker 2: not processing the problem. 293 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,859 Speaker 1: We're trying to work our affirmation. Yeah. 294 00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:21,619 Speaker 2: Exactly. And I was like, actually I am now 295 00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:26,369 Speaker 2: disrespecting his process. The way I express love is through 296 00:14:26,419 --> 00:14:29,820 Speaker 2: words of affirmation, but he didn't need it. And in fact, 297 00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:31,809 Speaker 2: it would stress him out even more. And it took 298 00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:34,940 Speaker 2: me a long time to realize that I am doing 299 00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:37,260 Speaker 2: it for me to feel better about his problem. 300 00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 2: Yeah. So we found a good balance. Like if he's 301 00:14:41,289 --> 00:14:43,750 Speaker 2: not feeling it, he tells me and then I'll know 302 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:45,640 Speaker 2: that it's nothing to do with me and I'll just 303 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:45,909 Speaker 2: give him 304 00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,549 Speaker 1: space. So I love language is different. 305 00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:50,169 Speaker 2: I love languages are pretty different, but 306 00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:51,539 Speaker 1: I just need to give and take. 307 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,630 Speaker 2: But I do feel like your question is interesting because 308 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,239 Speaker 2: I have kind of adapted to it because the way 309 00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:00,659 Speaker 2: he gives and the way I receive can be different. 310 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,809 Speaker 2: But if I know that that's how he gives, then 311 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:04,309 Speaker 2: that's how I will receive it. Also 312 00:15:06,380 --> 00:15:07,669 Speaker 2: the question Paul, 313 00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:11,530 Speaker 1: what's something you still refuse to eat? 314 00:15:12,619 --> 00:15:17,580 Speaker 1: Salary? Huh? Ok. It was a but then I get it. 315 00:15:17,590 --> 00:15:22,140 Speaker 1: I get it. But in stews. Ok. So minimum five. 316 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:26,950 Speaker 2: What is one green flag about yourself? I think I'm 317 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,650 Speaker 2: always willing to listen. You're 318 00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:30,489 Speaker 1: going to laugh again 319 00:15:31,479 --> 00:15:33,460 Speaker 1: if you could swap souls with someone for a day, 320 00:15:33,469 --> 00:15:35,260 Speaker 1: who would it be? To be honest, I'll stop with 321 00:15:35,270 --> 00:15:37,340 Speaker 1: Nick because then I can travel a lot. 322 00:15:37,349 --> 00:15:39,219 Speaker 2: I'll be Nick. Then I'll be like, oh, I hustle 323 00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:40,340 Speaker 2: too hard today. 324 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,729 Speaker 1: He's giving shack bite. But I think I would be 325 00:15:46,739 --> 00:15:47,359 Speaker 1: very curious 326 00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:49,469 Speaker 1: about a day in your life because you wake up 327 00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:50,380 Speaker 1: at 5 a.m. 328 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 2: and you drink three liters of water 329 00:15:52,650 --> 00:15:55,309 Speaker 1: and then when I drink three liters, oh, my most 330 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,119 Speaker 1: days I wake up at five AMI sleep at 12. Sorry, 331 00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: I sleep at 4 a.m. It's not enough. Don't do that. 332 00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:01,260 Speaker 1: Try and get 78 333 00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 2: hours. I am very confused. 334 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,780 Speaker 1: So our attachment styles can also significantly influence how you 335 00:16:07,789 --> 00:16:10,289 Speaker 1: experience love and relationship. Do you all know what your 336 00:16:10,299 --> 00:16:13,099 Speaker 1: attachment styles? Ok. Do you know what it means? No, 337 00:16:13,109 --> 00:16:15,830 Speaker 1: actually today is the first day that I found out 338 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 1: about attachment styles. OK? An attachment style. People will usually 339 00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:26,700 Speaker 1: want answers if your partner doesn't text back. You, you 340 00:16:26,710 --> 00:16:30,109 Speaker 1: never you overthink about like where are they, what are 341 00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:33,250 Speaker 1: they doing without me? Are they talking to another girl? 342 00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:36,299 Speaker 1: I think they are always questioning whether like things are 343 00:16:36,309 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 1: going the right way and then avoidant attachment styles are 344 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:43,489 Speaker 1: known to have a bit of a complicated childhood. Their 345 00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 1: parents weren't really there. That's why they are more avoidant. 346 00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:50,489 Speaker 1: So they will avoid any conflict or confrontation. And when 347 00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,669 Speaker 1: there's a problem, they rather run away than to talk 348 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:56,150 Speaker 1: about it, then there's secure, which is the best, the 349 00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:58,469 Speaker 1: best kind you, you technically people should aim to be 350 00:16:58,479 --> 00:17:01,599 Speaker 1: a secure attachment style person. And then there's disorganizedd, which 351 00:17:01,609 --> 00:17:02,820 Speaker 1: is a mix of anxious and 352 00:17:03,299 --> 00:17:05,930 Speaker 1: er avoidant. So for the longest time, I thought I 353 00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:09,739 Speaker 1: was anxious, but I realized that my anxiousness is only 354 00:17:09,750 --> 00:17:13,649 Speaker 1: triggered when I did an avoidant because that person doesn't 355 00:17:13,660 --> 00:17:16,780 Speaker 1: want to sit down to talk to me. And, and 356 00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:20,889 Speaker 1: there was this one incident where this guy, he just for, 357 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:24,650 Speaker 1: for one week, I was, I realized I was suppressing 358 00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:28,250 Speaker 1: my needs and like, why should I do that? And 359 00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:30,229 Speaker 1: eventually I texted him first. 360 00:17:30,660 --> 00:17:34,250 Speaker 1: Ah and I realized like, wow, he truly is an 361 00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:37,670 Speaker 1: avoidant person. And we were just opposites during 362 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,390 Speaker 2: the test. They ask you a lot of questions about 363 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,859 Speaker 2: your mom, your dad or your mother figure and your 364 00:17:43,869 --> 00:17:46,159 Speaker 2: father figure in your life, then your partner. And at 365 00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:50,829 Speaker 2: the end it said I am anxious but I feel 366 00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:53,930 Speaker 2: pretty secure in my relationship with my husband. 367 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,699 Speaker 2: And then I remember that they asked a lot of 368 00:17:56,709 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 2: questions about your parents. And I remember answering it was 369 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 2: at the far end always. And I'm like, ok, interesting. 370 00:18:05,589 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: I avoid avoid, but I feel like I already knew that. 371 00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 1: So with other people, I am super avoidant like I 372 00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:17,170 Speaker 1: don't really talk about feelings. Yeah. Or I will talk 373 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:20,650 Speaker 1: about it very matter of factly. Right? And then 374 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:25,300 Speaker 1: I think with my partner that is probably the most 375 00:18:25,339 --> 00:18:29,089 Speaker 1: emotionally open. I am ready. But even then she also 376 00:18:29,099 --> 00:18:32,409 Speaker 1: gives feedback that quite emotionally 377 00:18:32,660 --> 00:18:35,709 Speaker 1: locked up. Yeah. I think a lot of it stems 378 00:18:35,719 --> 00:18:41,129 Speaker 1: from my childhood because I was the oldest child, material 379 00:18:41,140 --> 00:18:44,728 Speaker 1: comforts and needs were always met. So I got no fear. 380 00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:47,060 Speaker 1: I don't have any fear of being picked out of 381 00:18:47,069 --> 00:18:49,339 Speaker 1: the house or abandoned or anything like that, but just 382 00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 1: the emotional side of things, my parents generally left me 383 00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:54,010 Speaker 1: to go and figure it out. 384 00:18:54,755 --> 00:18:56,925 Speaker 1: Yeah. So, even now I'm also always like whenever I'm 385 00:18:56,935 --> 00:18:58,764 Speaker 1: going through stuff, I'll be like, I want to, I 386 00:18:58,775 --> 00:19:02,344 Speaker 1: prefer to deal with that myself. Actually, I think most 387 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:07,905 Speaker 1: men avoidant. I wouldn't categorize them as avoidant totally. But 388 00:19:07,915 --> 00:19:11,145 Speaker 1: they rather process it on their own first. They want 389 00:19:11,155 --> 00:19:14,005 Speaker 1: to be left alone. Then the women will always be OK. Sorry, 390 00:19:14,015 --> 00:19:16,724 Speaker 1: I shouldn't generalize. But then a lot of women that 391 00:19:16,734 --> 00:19:21,083 Speaker 1: I know would rather talk about it right now we 392 00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,284 Speaker 1: solve it, then go to sleep, 393 00:19:22,689 --> 00:19:23,609 Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. 394 00:19:23,619 --> 00:19:27,150 Speaker 2: I think a lot of that also is a direct 395 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,629 Speaker 2: cause of the way society 396 00:19:30,910 --> 00:19:34,609 Speaker 2: expect men to just have it all together. You have feelings, 397 00:19:34,619 --> 00:19:37,649 Speaker 2: don't talk about it. That's how our parents were. Yeah, 398 00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:42,050 Speaker 2: like men don't cry, don't show any sign of weakness. 399 00:19:42,229 --> 00:19:44,389 Speaker 2: And as a result, I feel like it trickles down 400 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:48,109 Speaker 2: into how boys are raised. I have a guy friend 401 00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,829 Speaker 2: who is very, and when we're in a group setting 402 00:19:50,969 --> 00:19:52,609 Speaker 2: and we are all like sharing, you know, we play 403 00:19:52,619 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 2: like we're not really strangers and they actually vocalize that, like, oh, 404 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 2: you know, I've actually never been able to talk like 405 00:19:57,810 --> 00:19:59,459 Speaker 2: this with anyone. Not even my sister, 406 00:19:59,555 --> 00:20:03,514 Speaker 2: it's not even my family because we're just not like that. Yeah. 407 00:20:03,525 --> 00:20:03,535 Speaker 2: I 408 00:20:03,545 --> 00:20:06,064 Speaker 1: think I'm not very in tune with some emotions. Like, 409 00:20:06,074 --> 00:20:06,364 Speaker 1: what 410 00:20:06,454 --> 00:20:07,604 Speaker 2: she says this with the most. 411 00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:12,084 Speaker 1: I don't think I name some emotions. I don't really 412 00:20:12,094 --> 00:20:19,214 Speaker 1: connect with sadness. I'm either, like, frustrated or angry or anxious. 413 00:20:19,224 --> 00:20:22,244 Speaker 1: You have never really labeled your feelings as I'm sad 414 00:20:22,405 --> 00:20:25,135 Speaker 1: right now. Like you say, I'm angry. I'm frustrated. When 415 00:20:25,145 --> 00:20:25,545 Speaker 1: was the last 416 00:20:25,555 --> 00:20:26,714 Speaker 2: time you cried? 20 417 00:20:26,824 --> 00:20:28,045 Speaker 1: 18 yesterday? Huh? 418 00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,899 Speaker 1: Fire fires and air cry. 419 00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:33,409 Speaker 1: No, you're kidding. Is that right? 420 00:20:34,229 --> 00:20:34,989 Speaker 2: So that's 421 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,540 Speaker 1: ok. Yeah, I think so. 422 00:20:37,849 --> 00:20:43,159 Speaker 1: Punch in tune with happiness and all the other stuff. 423 00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:46,770 Speaker 1: But do you think that you're suppressing quite happy with 424 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:47,209 Speaker 1: the way? I 425 00:20:47,219 --> 00:20:49,650 Speaker 2: mean, it's functioning and you don't feel like every time 426 00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:51,389 Speaker 2: you want to cry, you push it down. I think 427 00:20:51,739 --> 00:20:53,149 Speaker 2: you don't even feel like, yeah, I 428 00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:55,449 Speaker 1: think you can really 429 00:20:56,930 --> 00:20:58,319 Speaker 2: actually you said you are 430 00:20:59,089 --> 00:21:02,800 Speaker 2: avoid it but then you are direct in your delivery 431 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:06,459 Speaker 2: when you are communicating things. Do you feel like there's 432 00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:06,550 Speaker 2: a 433 00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:08,659 Speaker 2: clash? I 434 00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:14,670 Speaker 1: think the positive, positive messages and communication. I am comfortable 435 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,900 Speaker 1: being direct but maybe if it's like confrontation or conflict, 436 00:21:18,989 --> 00:21:21,369 Speaker 1: then not. So, so for you guys, what do you 437 00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:24,750 Speaker 1: think sustains your relationship and the love that you guys have? 438 00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:25,389 Speaker 1: Who 439 00:21:26,489 --> 00:21:29,650 Speaker 1: deep questions, avoidant attachment style trigger. 440 00:21:31,630 --> 00:21:33,569 Speaker 2: It's ok. I can answer first. I feel 441 00:21:33,579 --> 00:21:35,540 Speaker 1: like this episode is draining him because he needs to 442 00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:41,050 Speaker 1: reflect and evaluate his emotions. I see his eyes drifting 443 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:44,429 Speaker 1: away every day. Just wake up and just love love. 444 00:21:46,189 --> 00:21:49,649 Speaker 1: I want to have that kind of brain. I want 445 00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:52,420 Speaker 1: to feel less. You know what I mean? No, I 446 00:21:52,430 --> 00:21:53,160 Speaker 1: don't think, no, 447 00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:58,989 Speaker 1: I don't want to feel, I don't, I feel like 448 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,540 Speaker 1: I sometimes feel too much and it can be a burden. 449 00:22:03,969 --> 00:22:07,050 Speaker 1: But anyway, going back to your relationships and how you 450 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: sustain the love for my relationship specifically, we try to, 451 00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:17,619 Speaker 1: we value new experiences. So travel or like trying out 452 00:22:17,630 --> 00:22:20,790 Speaker 1: new things. Yeah. No, I do think that trying new 453 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:24,688 Speaker 1: things gives you the opportunity to talk about things and 454 00:22:24,709 --> 00:22:26,260 Speaker 1: reflect on those memories 455 00:22:26,550 --> 00:22:30,069 Speaker 1: every day. Stay home, watch show we talk about in 456 00:22:30,079 --> 00:22:32,969 Speaker 1: the future. There's no newfound interest. I think a lot 457 00:22:32,979 --> 00:22:36,679 Speaker 1: of times the thing that sort of keeps things interesting, 458 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,359 Speaker 1: right is you see how your partner reacts to new 459 00:22:39,369 --> 00:22:42,479 Speaker 1: experiences and new things and then you can communicate. Do 460 00:22:42,489 --> 00:22:43,889 Speaker 1: you like this? Do you not like this? And then 461 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,449 Speaker 1: you learn new things about each other? So I think 462 00:22:45,459 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: a lot of times what keeps relationships going, right? 463 00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:53,339 Speaker 1: Is discovering more about each other and I think that 464 00:22:53,349 --> 00:22:56,329 Speaker 1: is supposed to continue until you die. Yeah. 465 00:22:56,709 --> 00:23:00,109 Speaker 2: I think, I think communication matters the most sometimes when 466 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,599 Speaker 2: you are having arguments too. Like a lot of times 467 00:23:03,609 --> 00:23:08,069 Speaker 2: in previous relationships, I found that I listened to reply, 468 00:23:08,469 --> 00:23:11,639 Speaker 2: like I listen to quickly find a counter. And in 469 00:23:11,650 --> 00:23:15,839 Speaker 2: my relationship now I listen to understand because we are 470 00:23:15,849 --> 00:23:18,599 Speaker 2: different culturally. We are very different too. So there are 471 00:23:18,609 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 2: certain things that, you know, I have to understand that 472 00:23:21,369 --> 00:23:22,660 Speaker 2: if he does, it's not 473 00:23:23,619 --> 00:23:26,849 Speaker 2: out of malice or ignorance, it's just like he just, 474 00:23:27,020 --> 00:23:28,619 Speaker 2: he really grew up differently. 475 00:23:28,630 --> 00:23:32,199 Speaker 1: What about the people who choose to be single? Do 476 00:23:32,209 --> 00:23:35,050 Speaker 1: you think that their attachment style affects whether they choose 477 00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:37,010 Speaker 1: to be single or not? And then the relationships that 478 00:23:37,020 --> 00:23:39,449 Speaker 1: they have with their friends and family, 479 00:23:39,589 --> 00:23:41,699 Speaker 2: I feel like attachment styles 480 00:23:41,890 --> 00:23:45,750 Speaker 2: don't necessarily have to correlate with romance because it's the 481 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:49,300 Speaker 2: way you view relationships, right? And the way you problem solve. OK. 482 00:23:49,310 --> 00:23:53,619 Speaker 2: Based on your dating experience, how tough is it out there? 483 00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:58,599 Speaker 1: It's rough guys. It's rough. It's really rough if you 484 00:23:58,609 --> 00:24:01,619 Speaker 1: go and ask all your single friends right around our age. 485 00:24:02,130 --> 00:24:05,819 Speaker 1: I think there are two things, dating apps wise. The pool, 486 00:24:06,339 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 1: the pool is, I want to say not great, but 487 00:24:09,550 --> 00:24:12,689 Speaker 1: you see the same people on different apps. I feel 488 00:24:12,699 --> 00:24:17,160 Speaker 1: like everyone is kind of like also having failed connections 489 00:24:17,170 --> 00:24:18,510 Speaker 1: is really quite tiring. After a 490 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,750 Speaker 2: while, you have to constantly put yourself out there. Start 491 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:25,810 Speaker 2: from zero. Have the whole, what's your favorite color over 492 00:24:25,819 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 2: and over and over? 493 00:24:26,569 --> 00:24:29,099 Speaker 1: You have to be vulnerable all over again to someone 494 00:24:29,109 --> 00:24:29,599 Speaker 1: new and 495 00:24:29,959 --> 00:24:32,579 Speaker 1: it just, it's just a very tiring process. I have 496 00:24:32,589 --> 00:24:36,369 Speaker 1: a single friend girl who said that the ship has 497 00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:39,430 Speaker 1: sailed for people our age. The next ship will come 498 00:24:39,439 --> 00:24:41,150 Speaker 1: right with the divorcees. 499 00:24:42,069 --> 00:24:44,969 Speaker 1: But she said like the prime age is from the 500 00:24:45,020 --> 00:24:49,389 Speaker 1: uni until like maybe two years after uni still got 501 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,129 Speaker 1: a chance. Then by then everybody partnered up already. But 502 00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:53,119 Speaker 2: I do feel like 503 00:24:53,589 --> 00:24:58,020 Speaker 2: there is this pressure like, oh, you're 28 and too single. 504 00:24:58,030 --> 00:25:00,540 Speaker 2: Are you one like that? Is it a too picky? 505 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:01,500 Speaker 1: But 506 00:25:02,530 --> 00:25:05,130 Speaker 2: what's wrong with being single at 28? 507 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,729 Speaker 1: No guys? I want to jump on that. People always 508 00:25:08,739 --> 00:25:12,099 Speaker 1: say that. But what's wrong with having standards because you 509 00:25:12,109 --> 00:25:14,250 Speaker 1: only have one life and if you want to choose 510 00:25:14,260 --> 00:25:17,030 Speaker 1: the right person, why should your bar be low? I 511 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:17,650 Speaker 1: think there's nothing 512 00:25:17,660 --> 00:25:19,129 Speaker 2: wrong with it and there's nothing wrong with wanting to 513 00:25:19,140 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 2: wait until the right person comes like 514 00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:26,349 Speaker 2: we can totally function as single people. So after everything 515 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,419 Speaker 2: that we discussed, I think falling in love sounds like 516 00:25:28,430 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 2: super fun and great. And it's always like, you know, 517 00:25:30,369 --> 00:25:33,300 Speaker 2: you see the butterflies but it's not always a bill 518 00:25:33,319 --> 00:25:35,949 Speaker 2: of roses and it actually is a lot of hard 519 00:25:35,959 --> 00:25:39,650 Speaker 2: work and commitment to keep staying in love and in 520 00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:42,698 Speaker 2: your relationship to make it work. Just choose love guys 521 00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:44,649 Speaker 2: every day. You wake up and choose 522 00:25:44,660 --> 00:25:46,900 Speaker 1: love. Yes. If you want to be single, be single. 523 00:25:46,910 --> 00:25:49,069 Speaker 1: If you want to be attached, be attached. 524 00:25:50,829 --> 00:25:52,439 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for watching the hotpot. We are 525 00:25:52,449 --> 00:25:54,839 Speaker 1: also on Spotify Apple Podcast and me to listen 526 00:25:55,150 --> 00:25:57,439 Speaker 2: and please leave us a comment down below on why 527 00:25:57,449 --> 00:26:00,069 Speaker 2: you love being in love, your favorite love stories or 528 00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:02,050 Speaker 2: why you love being single. We want to hear all 529 00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:02,969 Speaker 2: about it and 530 00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:05,829 Speaker 1: if you haven't already, please subscribe to our channel as 531 00:26:05,839 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: well at you God watch and we will see you 532 00:26:08,050 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 1: next week. Bye bye.