1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:03,390 Speaker 1: Hi, and I'm Jama and welcome back to another episode 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:03,829 Speaker 1: of Clevite 3 00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:08,579 Speaker 1: today. We have a very special guest with us. Please 4 00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:09,689 Speaker 1: welcome Catherine. 5 00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:14,170 Speaker 2: Wow. I feel there's a lot of hype, 6 00:00:15,460 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: the warmest welcome among all guests so far. It's 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:21,399 Speaker 2: true because we like you like me, 8 00:00:21,969 --> 00:00:23,719 Speaker 1: Robert. So tell us why are you here? I don't 9 00:00:23,729 --> 00:00:26,250 Speaker 1: know why am I here? What is so special? Apparently 10 00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:29,549 Speaker 2: I'm here because I'm a master at breaking up and 11 00:00:29,559 --> 00:00:30,299 Speaker 2: getting back together. 12 00:00:32,189 --> 00:00:34,409 Speaker 1: That is our topic of the day, breaking up and 13 00:00:34,418 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: getting back together and we'll get right into that. But 14 00:00:36,689 --> 00:00:39,200 Speaker 1: what have you been up to? You? Look very pretty today. 15 00:00:39,209 --> 00:00:40,270 Speaker 1: I did it for you. Oh, 16 00:00:40,279 --> 00:00:41,919 Speaker 2: but we see you every day. You don't have to 17 00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:45,229 Speaker 2: impress us anymore. Yeah. No, it's for them. Ok. B 18 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,830 Speaker 1: W um, Katherine Roberts. She's also a DJ English radio DJ, 19 00:00:49,848 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: which 20 00:00:50,369 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 2: is why I see them all the time. Right. 21 00:00:52,220 --> 00:00:56,439 Speaker 1: That is right. And um we are actually, uh we 22 00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:58,139 Speaker 1: cause a lot of problems. Basically 23 00:00:58,294 --> 00:00:59,145 Speaker 1: we do. 24 00:00:59,154 --> 00:01:01,505 Speaker 2: This is part of the level seven gang gang that 25 00:01:01,514 --> 00:01:04,144 Speaker 2: causes a lot of stress to many people, not 26 00:01:05,485 --> 00:01:07,824 Speaker 1: just them and clearly you know, we talk about a 27 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:10,584 Speaker 1: lot of personal things and we are bringing you into 28 00:01:10,595 --> 00:01:14,074 Speaker 1: this whole vibe. OK? Of personal things. I will admit 29 00:01:14,084 --> 00:01:16,224 Speaker 1: that it's my fault. It is her fault. She was 30 00:01:16,235 --> 00:01:18,175 Speaker 1: the one that said, hey, cat can talk about this 31 00:01:18,184 --> 00:01:20,184 Speaker 1: breaking up and getting back together. Yeah. 32 00:01:20,194 --> 00:01:23,025 Speaker 2: When I got the DM on my Instagram, I was 33 00:01:23,035 --> 00:01:24,143 Speaker 2: like a go. 34 00:01:24,489 --> 00:01:28,459 Speaker 2: What did you do? Yeah, essentially. So let 35 00:01:28,470 --> 00:01:31,410 Speaker 1: me ask. OK, open question to the floor. Have you 36 00:01:31,419 --> 00:01:36,629 Speaker 1: ever wondered or actually done? Um Getting back together with 37 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:39,339 Speaker 1: an ex? Nope, you've never, no, I 38 00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,459 Speaker 2: married the guy. 39 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,099 Speaker 1: I wonder. But it's a straight. No, for me it's 40 00:01:46,110 --> 00:01:49,519 Speaker 1: a straight. No. OK. I have and it ended up 41 00:01:49,529 --> 00:01:50,790 Speaker 1: in flames. So, 42 00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,379 Speaker 2: so two ends of the space. Yeah. 43 00:01:53,389 --> 00:01:56,970 Speaker 1: Literally. And you know, with human relationships, I think there's 44 00:01:56,980 --> 00:01:59,930 Speaker 1: no like one size fits all right. It's not like, oh, this, 45 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:01,879 Speaker 1: you can get back together with your ex and things 46 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,379 Speaker 1: will be all nice and then you end up married like, 47 00:02:04,779 --> 00:02:06,919 Speaker 1: or if you try and get back together with your ex, 48 00:02:06,930 --> 00:02:09,330 Speaker 1: you know, the world comes falling down like Jermaine, 49 00:02:10,279 --> 00:02:14,110 Speaker 1: it's only natural that your romantic connections may not have 50 00:02:14,119 --> 00:02:16,839 Speaker 1: worked out before. And you, you know, think about what 51 00:02:16,850 --> 00:02:19,339 Speaker 1: could have been. Maybe we were too young, maybe we've 52 00:02:19,350 --> 00:02:22,079 Speaker 1: changed now. Should I give a second chance to this 53 00:02:22,089 --> 00:02:25,899 Speaker 1: person or leave it in the past? So, which side 54 00:02:25,910 --> 00:02:27,589 Speaker 1: are you guys? On. Do you think you should leave 55 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,110 Speaker 1: it in the past or should you try again? 56 00:02:30,399 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: I've considered getting back together with my exes, but we 57 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: broke up for a reason. Right. And there's no way 58 00:02:36,889 --> 00:02:40,139 Speaker 1: I want to, like, experience that trauma once again, I'd 59 00:02:40,149 --> 00:02:43,758 Speaker 1: rather move on. Start a fresh. Plus my ex is 60 00:02:43,770 --> 00:02:47,089 Speaker 1: happily in another relationship now. So I think it's working 61 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:47,350 Speaker 1: out for the 62 00:02:47,449 --> 00:02:50,100 Speaker 1: both of us. Actually, all of them are in like 63 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,929 Speaker 1: new relationships. Actually. One of them became a dad. Yeah. 64 00:02:53,190 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 1: One of them became a dad. One of them just proposed. 65 00:02:55,619 --> 00:02:58,750 Speaker 1: They just bought a house. Yeah. I think I bring 66 00:02:58,758 --> 00:03:01,829 Speaker 1: luck to them. You are that girl? You the house 67 00:03:01,899 --> 00:03:04,258 Speaker 1: before the girl? Yeah. Yeah. Ok. 68 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 2: No, it won't be like that forever. I promise. I think, 69 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,710 Speaker 2: I think it's true that we hear a lot of 70 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,089 Speaker 2: these hesitations because people usually tend to think that there's 71 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,910 Speaker 2: a reason why you broke up or people like me, 72 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:22,789 Speaker 2: for example, I tend to believe that people don't change. 73 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,970 Speaker 2: I think you can change certain things about yourself. 74 00:03:25,419 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 2: But I think the core of you stays, which is 75 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:31,149 Speaker 2: why for you when you walk out of something, that's it, 76 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,690 Speaker 2: the door is shut. Correct. I walk out of things 77 00:03:33,699 --> 00:03:39,119 Speaker 2: and I rarely almost never ever walk back again because 78 00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:42,289 Speaker 2: once I'm done, I'm done, I walk and I walk 79 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,759 Speaker 2: so far and so fast. That's the only walking I 80 00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:45,100 Speaker 2: do 81 00:03:46,919 --> 00:03:52,710 Speaker 1: problem. Ok. I mean, obviously you are here because you, 82 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,169 Speaker 1: you married the guy that you broke up with. But 83 00:03:55,179 --> 00:03:57,130 Speaker 1: can I just ask why do you guys break up 84 00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:57,990 Speaker 1: in the first place? 85 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,410 Speaker 2: Well, it's complicated but it was commitment phobia and I 86 00:04:01,419 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 2: think for some people it just, it, it takes a while, right? 87 00:04:04,529 --> 00:04:07,119 Speaker 2: For them to wrap their head around it, especially if it's, 88 00:04:07,419 --> 00:04:11,029 Speaker 2: you know, who love flames and all that. Sometimes 89 00:04:11,279 --> 00:04:12,869 Speaker 1: as in you were the commitment. 90 00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:18,704 Speaker 2: I was, I was not, I was the heartbroken one actually. Yeah, 91 00:04:18,894 --> 00:04:21,284 Speaker 2: I was the heartbroken one and I was heartbroken for 92 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,894 Speaker 2: a while. Right. I'm gonna pretend, I don't know anything. 93 00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:26,704 Speaker 2: And I ask you, so, how long did you date first? 94 00:04:26,714 --> 00:04:29,075 Speaker 2: And then how long did you break up for? We 95 00:04:29,084 --> 00:04:32,135 Speaker 2: dated for about two years. 96 00:04:32,274 --> 00:04:32,524 Speaker 1: That's quite 97 00:04:33,053 --> 00:04:37,243 Speaker 2: a lot of, yes. Yes. It was long distance because 98 00:04:37,255 --> 00:04:38,355 Speaker 2: he was working away 99 00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 2: and then he decided like LDR is too much. It's, 100 00:04:42,769 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 2: it's really too much for me. Um, and, and, and 101 00:04:46,049 --> 00:04:49,890 Speaker 2: he also had an element of commitment phobia and he's a, 102 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,899 Speaker 2: I don't know what that means. I neither do I, 103 00:04:52,910 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 2: neither do I, but finally, uh he, he, when he 104 00:04:57,010 --> 00:04:59,600 Speaker 2: said he couldn't do it, I was, I was devastated 105 00:04:59,609 --> 00:05:02,149 Speaker 2: for like a full month. No, I'm just kidding. A 106 00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:05,119 Speaker 2: bit longer than that. I was very, very traumatized. 107 00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:08,719 Speaker 1: So he couldn't do it as in, he couldn't do 108 00:05:08,730 --> 00:05:09,140 Speaker 1: LD 109 00:05:09,149 --> 00:05:11,600 Speaker 2: R. No, he couldn't. Uh, in the end we broke up. 110 00:05:11,609 --> 00:05:13,469 Speaker 2: I was very heartbroken. We broke up for a whole 111 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,039 Speaker 2: of two years for as long as you 112 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,010 Speaker 1: dated and it was not a mutual breakup. No, 113 00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:21,329 Speaker 2: you were willing to do the work. I was willing 114 00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:25,200 Speaker 2: to do it. Yeah. But, um, besides being sad about it, 115 00:05:25,209 --> 00:05:28,339 Speaker 2: I sort of felt like there's something about this. 116 00:05:28,424 --> 00:05:31,415 Speaker 2: It's not, it's not quite over because, oh, yeah, there 117 00:05:31,424 --> 00:05:34,034 Speaker 2: was something about it that I was like, I feel 118 00:05:34,045 --> 00:05:38,295 Speaker 2: like he's the one so this can't really be the end. 119 00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:38,404 Speaker 2: But 120 00:05:38,415 --> 00:05:40,794 Speaker 1: did you, how did you find that out? Like, did 121 00:05:40,803 --> 00:05:42,683 Speaker 1: you date other guys in between? And then, like, I 122 00:05:42,954 --> 00:05:46,475 Speaker 1: felt like he was the one. No, that's fine. No, 123 00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:49,975 Speaker 2: I did. I did but I was gonna eat 124 00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:55,890 Speaker 2: what I never see how you see. Um, I did but, 125 00:05:55,899 --> 00:05:59,450 Speaker 2: but deep down it's, it's so, it was like a, 126 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:03,659 Speaker 2: a feeling that I couldn't shrug off. Yeah, it was, 127 00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,480 Speaker 2: it was a gut feel and that was, it like, 128 00:06:06,488 --> 00:06:09,309 Speaker 2: it was a gut feel. Were you in contact? Were 129 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,989 Speaker 2: you talking? Was he someone else? Everything? No, he wasn't. 130 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:15,850 Speaker 2: Uh, just to cut contact just to try and keep 131 00:06:15,859 --> 00:06:19,649 Speaker 2: it as, as healthy, a cut as possible. Because you 132 00:06:19,660 --> 00:06:22,109 Speaker 2: know how, when you, yes, because you know how, when 133 00:06:22,119 --> 00:06:24,540 Speaker 2: you don't, and then it can be back and forth 134 00:06:24,549 --> 00:06:26,410 Speaker 2: and then it can turn very toxic. Right? 135 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,290 Speaker 1: So he didn't date anyone in that two years. 136 00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:33,950 Speaker 2: No, he didn't. No, he said no, no, no commitment for, 137 00:06:33,988 --> 00:06:36,369 Speaker 2: I mean, we are girls. We know how to stop. 138 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:43,058 Speaker 1: Ok. So, in this, what was that, um, magical moment 139 00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:45,540 Speaker 1: to bring the both of you back together? I wouldn't 140 00:06:45,549 --> 00:06:48,869 Speaker 2: say it was a magical moment, but I would say 141 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:54,510 Speaker 2: that contact was reestablished and a conversation happened. Ok. So 142 00:06:54,519 --> 00:06:57,369 Speaker 2: did he wake up and realize that he can't live 143 00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:58,969 Speaker 2: without you? Yeah, essentially. 144 00:07:01,059 --> 00:07:05,029 Speaker 1: You mean actually? Yeah. But like in, in two years, 145 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:07,079 Speaker 1: you know, just all of a sudden, like you said, 146 00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:11,230 Speaker 2: right, different people, they're different. And I think for him, it, it, 147 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:16,410 Speaker 2: it took a lot of self reflection and realization and 148 00:07:16,859 --> 00:07:19,829 Speaker 2: really didn't realize and wake up last year. I still 149 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:20,529 Speaker 2: didn't take you back. 150 00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:24,950 Speaker 1: No, but I have so many questions. Would you guys 151 00:07:24,959 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: blocking each other? How was contact? We 152 00:07:26,769 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 2: established? OK. So when we cut all ties, I think 153 00:07:31,730 --> 00:07:34,700 Speaker 2: from his point of view, he knew I was very heartbroken. 154 00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 2: So I think in his eyes, he was doing it 155 00:07:37,489 --> 00:07:40,339 Speaker 2: for me to sort of, you know, make sure that 156 00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 2: I don't get strung along. 157 00:07:42,274 --> 00:07:45,084 Speaker 2: And then I think when he saw that, you know, 158 00:07:45,095 --> 00:07:49,625 Speaker 2: I was happy and I was OK with, with myself. Uh, 159 00:07:49,644 --> 00:07:53,184 Speaker 2: we decided to be friends. Oh, yeah, we decided to 160 00:07:53,195 --> 00:07:56,125 Speaker 2: be friends, we decided to be friends. But of course, 161 00:07:56,135 --> 00:07:57,524 Speaker 2: you know, that kind of friendship was not a real 162 00:07:57,535 --> 00:08:00,035 Speaker 2: friendship because like you know, you were like, I remember 163 00:08:00,045 --> 00:08:01,005 Speaker 2: last time 164 00:08:02,779 --> 00:08:06,709 Speaker 2: and, and eventually, eventually, uh we talked about it, we 165 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 2: talked about how it ended and I was like, have 166 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:12,700 Speaker 2: you addressed your, you know, commitment phobia? Are you ever 167 00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 2: going to come around it? Like, you know, I feel 168 00:08:14,769 --> 00:08:17,410 Speaker 2: like if you don't, you're just going to end up alone. 169 00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 2: Is that what you want in your life? And we 170 00:08:18,649 --> 00:08:23,549 Speaker 2: had a very honest conversation about where he would be. 171 00:08:23,839 --> 00:08:25,730 Speaker 2: And I think I unlocked some doors 172 00:08:27,369 --> 00:08:31,420 Speaker 2: question in that two years, right? Because you were very heartbroken. 173 00:08:31,429 --> 00:08:33,419 Speaker 2: So you must have done a lot of work on 174 00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,039 Speaker 2: your part as well, you know, to continue and carry 175 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 2: on with life without him. So when he rocks up 176 00:08:38,289 --> 00:08:41,460 Speaker 2: into your wall again one day, is that like shaking 177 00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:44,590 Speaker 2: things up? I feel like I was, I was so 178 00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 2: heartbroken that I went into rebound mode. Right? 179 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,039 Speaker 2: Yeah. And when I went into 180 00:08:50,450 --> 00:08:54,270 Speaker 1: like, how many? Tell me when to stop? No, no, no, no, 181 00:08:54,809 --> 00:08:57,820 Speaker 2: no. We're not really feeling that. Um no, I went 182 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,510 Speaker 2: into that sort of mode and I was having a 183 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,270 Speaker 2: lot of fun, to be honest. I was having a 184 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,500 Speaker 2: lot of fun and I think the fun made me 185 00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:09,380 Speaker 2: forget the hurt. And then after a while it was 186 00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:12,849 Speaker 2: more like I think I've, I've gotten over that hurt 187 00:09:12,859 --> 00:09:15,340 Speaker 2: and I think we can be friends if I didn't 188 00:09:15,349 --> 00:09:16,679 Speaker 2: get over that hurt. I think I would have 189 00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:18,814 Speaker 2: dived straight back into that and be like, why did 190 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,224 Speaker 2: you do this to me? Da, da, da, da, da. 191 00:09:20,424 --> 00:09:22,244 Speaker 2: You know, it would have been a bit more difficult. 192 00:09:22,255 --> 00:09:24,284 Speaker 2: But I think because we had a bit of time 193 00:09:24,294 --> 00:09:27,564 Speaker 2: and I think it was like nine months that we 194 00:09:27,575 --> 00:09:29,844 Speaker 2: didn't talk and then suddenly we talked again and it was, 195 00:09:29,854 --> 00:09:31,565 Speaker 2: I was ok to be friends. 196 00:09:31,575 --> 00:09:34,724 Speaker 1: Ok. So before we get to, why did you guys 197 00:09:34,734 --> 00:09:39,284 Speaker 1: get back together? And how exactly here are some motivations 198 00:09:39,294 --> 00:09:43,005 Speaker 1: for reconciliation, right? With an ex, especially with someone that 199 00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:44,804 Speaker 1: caused you hurt, you know, broke up 200 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 1: with you, whatever it was. Um One of it is 201 00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:52,010 Speaker 1: a very strong emotional and physical connection. Maybe this person 202 00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,718 Speaker 1: was just that special person in your life that no 203 00:09:54,729 --> 00:09:57,909 Speaker 1: one else can hold a candle to. Let's 204 00:09:57,919 --> 00:10:01,059 Speaker 2: be honest when she said that, did everybody have a 205 00:10:01,070 --> 00:10:01,919 Speaker 2: picture of someone in 206 00:10:01,929 --> 00:10:05,839 Speaker 1: their mind? No, no, I was struggling to remember who 207 00:10:05,849 --> 00:10:09,479 Speaker 1: is this person for me. But I guess I'm happy 208 00:10:09,489 --> 00:10:12,349 Speaker 1: to say like none of my exes were that. So 209 00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:12,968 Speaker 1: it's ok 210 00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:15,474 Speaker 1: for me to move on. That's why you never thought about, 211 00:10:15,484 --> 00:10:16,775 Speaker 1: you know, I mean, you've thought about it but you've 212 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:19,974 Speaker 1: never actually gotten back together with an ex um common 213 00:10:19,984 --> 00:10:23,125 Speaker 1: goals and values, you know, having compatibility in terms of 214 00:10:23,135 --> 00:10:28,755 Speaker 1: long term goals, like marriage, Children, career aspirations, shared history 215 00:10:28,765 --> 00:10:31,375 Speaker 1: and memory. This is the third one. Every time you 216 00:10:31,385 --> 00:10:33,984 Speaker 1: walk past a certain place you have been together or 217 00:10:33,994 --> 00:10:36,184 Speaker 1: a restaurant that you dined together. That is a special 218 00:10:36,195 --> 00:10:36,914 Speaker 1: place for you. 219 00:10:38,664 --> 00:10:40,815 Speaker 2: Where do we start? Which part of the map? 220 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:46,309 Speaker 1: I don't, I don't think back then be sentimental over 221 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:46,590 Speaker 1: these 222 00:10:47,359 --> 00:10:50,630 Speaker 2: places. Don't do that to me. I'll tell you. What 223 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,380 Speaker 2: does that to me? Songs? No 224 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:56,989 Speaker 1: words. No. Huh? Your mother's cooking, huh? I don't know. 225 00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:57,358 Speaker 1: Food 226 00:10:57,580 --> 00:10:58,049 Speaker 2: smell, 227 00:10:58,234 --> 00:11:01,444 Speaker 2: guys smell very strange. The perfume 228 00:11:01,455 --> 00:11:02,265 Speaker 1: that you wear? 229 00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:07,093 Speaker 2: Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. And where I am. Right. Or 230 00:11:07,104 --> 00:11:10,325 Speaker 2: like whoever it may be actually you could be trash. Also. 231 00:11:10,335 --> 00:11:15,905 Speaker 2: I smell something that is familiar trash. Maybe I'd be like, 232 00:11:16,215 --> 00:11:17,784 Speaker 2: and I'm immediately like, 233 00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:22,875 Speaker 1: yeah, one time I smell the perfume of my ex 234 00:11:22,885 --> 00:11:26,265 Speaker 1: on a gay colleague. Oh my God. And I was like, what? 235 00:11:27,150 --> 00:11:30,169 Speaker 1: Oh, so don't get those common perfumes if you want 236 00:11:30,179 --> 00:11:34,169 Speaker 1: to leave a lasting impression that ok, so shared history 237 00:11:34,179 --> 00:11:40,429 Speaker 1: and memories or smells, as mentioned, unresolved feelings. I think 238 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: this is the toughest to get over. Yeah, because it's 239 00:11:42,849 --> 00:11:46,320 Speaker 1: within yourself. You cannot control it. If you don't find 240 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:49,409 Speaker 1: closure in that, it's hard to walk out of it even. Yeah. Right. 241 00:11:49,419 --> 00:11:50,099 Speaker 1: So for you, 242 00:11:50,184 --> 00:11:53,155 Speaker 1: it was that clean cut that resolved it for you. Yes. 243 00:11:53,164 --> 00:11:56,164 Speaker 2: It forced me, it forced me whether I liked it 244 00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,684 Speaker 2: or not, it had to be done because there was 245 00:11:57,695 --> 00:12:01,114 Speaker 2: no way I could, you know, even talk to the person, 246 00:12:01,125 --> 00:12:03,114 Speaker 2: you know, every time there's a break up, you always 247 00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:06,554 Speaker 2: want to ask the question, why or how and, and 248 00:12:06,565 --> 00:12:09,424 Speaker 2: stuff like that, having that clean cut really just you 249 00:12:09,434 --> 00:12:13,335 Speaker 2: have no way to get that answer. So now you 250 00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:16,909 Speaker 2: have, you figure it out. Wow. 251 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,909 Speaker 1: But I do believe that people can change. And obviously 252 00:12:19,919 --> 00:12:21,559 Speaker 1: in that two years, you guys did a lot of 253 00:12:21,570 --> 00:12:24,419 Speaker 1: changing such that you're married now, I don't believe you 254 00:12:24,429 --> 00:12:26,799 Speaker 1: would be married if you guys were the same people 255 00:12:26,809 --> 00:12:30,069 Speaker 1: that you were two years ago. Another one that can 256 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,510 Speaker 1: kind of make you get back together with is fear 257 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:36,650 Speaker 1: of regret. Oh, do you think he regretted 258 00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:38,974 Speaker 1: breaking up with you? I think 259 00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:43,684 Speaker 2: what he regretted was not really giving it his all 260 00:12:43,695 --> 00:12:46,974 Speaker 2: right to begin with to see where it would go. Yeah. 261 00:12:46,984 --> 00:12:49,424 Speaker 2: And at the end of the day I told him, 262 00:12:49,434 --> 00:12:51,905 Speaker 2: I said there's something I can't tell you what it is, 263 00:12:51,914 --> 00:12:55,825 Speaker 2: but I feel like you are the one and he's like, oh, wow, 264 00:12:55,835 --> 00:12:59,765 Speaker 2: I did break up before he broke up with me. 265 00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:07,719 Speaker 2: Like he got commitment. Yes. Yes. Exactly. But I think 266 00:13:08,349 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 2: in that sense he had to go away and address 267 00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:14,619 Speaker 2: it right, whether he came back or not, that was 268 00:13:14,630 --> 00:13:16,669 Speaker 2: not in my hands. But when he did 269 00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:19,710 Speaker 2: it was almost like I thought about everything that you 270 00:13:19,719 --> 00:13:24,468 Speaker 2: said nine months ago. And, you know, I've come to 271 00:13:24,479 --> 00:13:27,510 Speaker 2: several conclusions having said that by the way, I just 272 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,419 Speaker 2: need to put it out there that I've gotten back 273 00:13:29,429 --> 00:13:31,950 Speaker 2: with an ex and it's like, total trash. You 274 00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:36,679 Speaker 1: know, 275 00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:40,630 Speaker 2: I've been on both ends of the spectrum 276 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,609 Speaker 1: but my resume is very well solid, solid 277 00:13:43,619 --> 00:13:46,679 Speaker 2: on that front. And the other one when we got 278 00:13:46,690 --> 00:13:49,119 Speaker 2: back together within a week I knew, like, bro, 279 00:13:49,650 --> 00:13:49,819 Speaker 2: you 280 00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:53,260 Speaker 1: got back together and you broke up in a week, 281 00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:53,789 Speaker 1: the previous 282 00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:54,728 Speaker 2: one. Yeah. No. Why 283 00:13:54,739 --> 00:13:56,719 Speaker 1: didn't you realize he didn't change before getting 284 00:13:56,729 --> 00:14:00,119 Speaker 2: back together? Because, you know, people, people can put out 285 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:03,098 Speaker 2: a certain, you know, impression like, you know, I've changed, 286 00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:06,580 Speaker 2: I'm going to be better and usually in the first 287 00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:10,750 Speaker 2: few weeks or weeks you can see, you can see, 288 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,239 Speaker 2: you can see. Ok. And then did you break up 289 00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:15,820 Speaker 2: with him? 100% I was never looking back 290 00:14:18,469 --> 00:14:21,099 Speaker 1: with, with um, what, what are we calling this guy 291 00:14:21,109 --> 00:14:23,729 Speaker 1: that you married? The guy that I married, what we call? 292 00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:26,349 Speaker 1: D OK. Get that. Um 293 00:14:26,929 --> 00:14:31,169 Speaker 1: Talking about D OK. I mean, obviously you guys go 294 00:14:31,179 --> 00:14:34,059 Speaker 1: back together. Was it any of these, do you think 295 00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:37,299 Speaker 1: it was that strong, emotional and physical connection or was 296 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:39,710 Speaker 1: the shared history in memory of regret? 297 00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:43,179 Speaker 2: Actually, actually, I think it's two things that you said, 298 00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:46,219 Speaker 2: you said, like, you know, having the same values. We were, 299 00:14:46,229 --> 00:14:49,500 Speaker 2: we were very much on the same page. OK. Sort 300 00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 2: of came from the same background, families, 301 00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:56,530 Speaker 2: we had common interests, we can sit down and watch 302 00:14:56,539 --> 00:15:00,369 Speaker 2: football together. We support rival teams. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 303 00:15:00,380 --> 00:15:04,530 Speaker 2: Those days are not, are not pleasant at home. Most 304 00:15:04,539 --> 00:15:06,630 Speaker 2: of the time it is not rainbows and butterflies. I'm 305 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,559 Speaker 2: not even gonna lie about that. You will clash no 306 00:15:09,570 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 2: matter how much on the same wavelength you are. But 307 00:15:14,159 --> 00:15:16,469 Speaker 2: most of it, I think the foundation of it, we 308 00:15:16,479 --> 00:15:18,909 Speaker 2: were pretty similar and we built off that 309 00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:24,260 Speaker 2: there are still differences, there are still clashes because it 310 00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:25,219 Speaker 2: just takes work. 311 00:15:25,229 --> 00:15:28,119 Speaker 1: Right. Every relationship takes work. I 312 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:30,919 Speaker 2: also think that, you know, we don't hear of this 313 00:15:30,929 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 2: happening very much. I think it's one of those things 314 00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 2: that are written in the, everything has to align for 315 00:15:37,890 --> 00:15:40,549 Speaker 2: this to happen because it could be very well, a 316 00:15:40,559 --> 00:15:43,659 Speaker 2: case of one person feeling that way and the other 317 00:15:43,669 --> 00:15:44,900 Speaker 2: not so it takes a, 318 00:15:44,992 --> 00:15:47,872 Speaker 2: a lot for two people to sort of find it 319 00:15:47,882 --> 00:15:49,921 Speaker 2: within themselves, first of all, to feel that way, to 320 00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:52,882 Speaker 2: find it within themselves and then to sort of work 321 00:15:52,892 --> 00:15:54,781 Speaker 2: their way back towards each other again. 322 00:15:55,492 --> 00:15:58,461 Speaker 1: Ok. Well, I guess my, my next thing goes to 323 00:15:58,471 --> 00:16:00,492 Speaker 1: the girl who seems to like getting back together with 324 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:04,762 Speaker 1: her exes. I did it twice. That's twice more than 325 00:16:04,771 --> 00:16:08,322 Speaker 1: most people in their life. So, is it better than 326 00:16:08,361 --> 00:16:10,541 Speaker 1: to reconcile with an ex or 327 00:16:10,674 --> 00:16:12,934 Speaker 1: to start an entirely new relationship? 328 00:16:12,943 --> 00:16:16,583 Speaker 2: I think it depends. I think there are some exes where, 329 00:16:16,593 --> 00:16:19,943 Speaker 2: you know, it's a toxic situation now. The moment that 330 00:16:19,953 --> 00:16:24,114 Speaker 2: back and forth starts, it's very easy to fall into 331 00:16:24,124 --> 00:16:29,044 Speaker 2: that spiral. Right. And, and it, it depends on the situation. 332 00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:32,903 Speaker 2: And actually, I think as women deep down when an 333 00:16:32,914 --> 00:16:36,263 Speaker 2: ex comes back into your life, you can tell, 334 00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:39,366 Speaker 2: you can tell. But whether you want to accept the 335 00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:41,926 Speaker 2: reality that's in front of you or whether you want 336 00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:45,455 Speaker 2: to hope that this person is a different person, you 337 00:16:45,466 --> 00:16:48,145 Speaker 2: need to answer that to yourself. Honestly, 338 00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:51,776 Speaker 1: I think that it, you can reconcile with an ex. 339 00:16:51,786 --> 00:16:54,046 Speaker 1: I don't think it's always going to be dumpster fire, 340 00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:58,526 Speaker 1: but you have to try starting a new relationship first, right? 341 00:16:58,536 --> 00:17:01,695 Speaker 1: Or at least date or go see the world, you know, 342 00:17:02,038 --> 00:17:05,567 Speaker 1: open yourself up to new possibilities and not just the 343 00:17:05,578 --> 00:17:09,128 Speaker 1: moment you break up, you're hurt, you're hopping on, you know, 344 00:17:09,137 --> 00:17:10,957 Speaker 1: the chance of getting back together with this person. You 345 00:17:10,968 --> 00:17:13,046 Speaker 1: can't move on with your life. The difference for you 346 00:17:13,057 --> 00:17:15,858 Speaker 1: is that you moved on already and then he came 347 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,828 Speaker 1: back in your life. So you gave yourself that chance 348 00:17:17,838 --> 00:17:21,008 Speaker 1: to look around and date other people, which is similar 349 00:17:21,017 --> 00:17:23,487 Speaker 1: to what I did when I first broke up with 350 00:17:25,458 --> 00:17:27,567 Speaker 1: your ex with sorry, 351 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,770 Speaker 1: when we first broke up, we were very young, we 352 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:33,119 Speaker 1: were 18 when we broke up because like, you don't 353 00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:35,359 Speaker 1: know anything about life. I was like, oh, I wanna, 354 00:17:35,369 --> 00:17:36,719 Speaker 1: you know, I want to see more of the world, 355 00:17:36,729 --> 00:17:39,109 Speaker 1: you know, I maybe want to date someone else. And 356 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,530 Speaker 1: I did for the next four years I went and 357 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:45,770 Speaker 1: I dated and we were kind of in contact. Like 358 00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:47,979 Speaker 1: I remember two years into our breakup, 359 00:17:48,079 --> 00:17:50,790 Speaker 1: we had a meet up, we went out for supper 360 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,140 Speaker 1: and he was dropping me back home and he started 361 00:17:54,869 --> 00:17:56,728 Speaker 1: at my door, like I was about to leave. He 362 00:17:56,739 --> 00:18:01,239 Speaker 1: started crying in his car saying that I've tried to date, 363 00:18:01,260 --> 00:18:05,430 Speaker 1: I've tried to be in relationships, but no girl compares 364 00:18:05,439 --> 00:18:06,829 Speaker 1: to you. See, 365 00:18:09,569 --> 00:18:13,709 Speaker 1: no, it's very sweet. And he said that I don't 366 00:18:13,719 --> 00:18:16,609 Speaker 1: think I'll ever find anyone like you. At that time. 367 00:18:16,619 --> 00:18:20,500 Speaker 1: I was in a committed relationship with somebody else, right? 368 00:18:20,819 --> 00:18:23,949 Speaker 1: And to me, like I did not feel that sense 369 00:18:23,959 --> 00:18:27,540 Speaker 1: of how he felt and fast forward another two years later, 370 00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:29,709 Speaker 1: it's always that point of contact. Once you get back 371 00:18:29,719 --> 00:18:32,329 Speaker 1: into contact, you start falling into like, you know, you're 372 00:18:32,339 --> 00:18:35,290 Speaker 1: very comfortable with this person, you can chat about anything, 373 00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:35,479 Speaker 1: you know, 374 00:18:35,569 --> 00:18:38,780 Speaker 1: and, and I decided that, hey, you know, I want 375 00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:41,599 Speaker 1: to get back together with him, but it was actually 376 00:18:41,609 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 1: a mistake. And the point of it was I thought 377 00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,129 Speaker 1: I had changed, I thought he had changed. But the 378 00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:51,489 Speaker 1: fact was we were still the same people still unhealed 379 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:54,530 Speaker 1: from our past problems, our past trauma, which then came 380 00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,419 Speaker 1: back up to bite our ass right 381 00:18:56,479 --> 00:19:00,040 Speaker 2: now. Here is not to say that when we reestablished 382 00:19:00,050 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 2: um contact again 383 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,250 Speaker 2: and when we started talking and when the possibility of 384 00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:09,810 Speaker 2: getting back together came up, there was hesitance on my part. 385 00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 2: There was a lot of hesitance because he would up 386 00:19:11,930 --> 00:19:15,219 Speaker 2: and run again. Yeah, because I've been burned before. So, 387 00:19:15,569 --> 00:19:18,319 Speaker 2: what I did was I took my time with it 388 00:19:18,329 --> 00:19:20,270 Speaker 2: and we didn't see each other all the time as, 389 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,089 Speaker 2: and when I had a bit of time I'm like, ok. Yeah, let's, 390 00:19:23,099 --> 00:19:25,760 Speaker 2: let's hang out. But it was not, it was not 391 00:19:25,770 --> 00:19:28,468 Speaker 2: immediate because when you're burnt it, 392 00:19:28,555 --> 00:19:32,063 Speaker 2: it's very scary to take that step again. But finally, 393 00:19:32,074 --> 00:19:34,905 Speaker 2: when I did, I told him I'm taking this step 394 00:19:34,915 --> 00:19:38,074 Speaker 2: and it's not an easy one. So this is not 395 00:19:38,084 --> 00:19:40,295 Speaker 2: a joke. This is not a trial run. Ok. This 396 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,905 Speaker 2: is this, we, we have to make it work and 397 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,854 Speaker 2: I need to know that you are in it as 398 00:19:44,864 --> 00:19:48,415 Speaker 2: much as I am and we both agreed that we 399 00:19:48,425 --> 00:19:52,744 Speaker 2: were in it, um, in this together. And of course, finally, 400 00:19:52,755 --> 00:19:54,145 Speaker 2: when he proposed, there was a lot of tears. 401 00:19:55,689 --> 00:19:58,609 Speaker 2: That was my, he was like 402 00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:04,550 Speaker 1: straight, straight straight. So at that point of time when 403 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:08,319 Speaker 1: you got back together again, was it still LDR or no? 404 00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,839 Speaker 2: No, no, no. He had, he had come back. I 405 00:20:10,849 --> 00:20:13,099 Speaker 2: think if, if it was still an LDR, 406 00:20:13,319 --> 00:20:17,260 Speaker 2: I think the problems that fear would have definitely still 407 00:20:17,270 --> 00:20:21,219 Speaker 2: been there. I don't think I would have, you know. Yeah, 408 00:20:21,229 --> 00:20:23,260 Speaker 2: I think it would have been a bit harder. Here's 409 00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:26,810 Speaker 2: the thing that I sort of like, realized, well, you 410 00:20:26,819 --> 00:20:29,239 Speaker 2: were both talking about getting back together with the next. Right. 411 00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:31,650 Speaker 2: And because I'm a poet. Right. So, me, 412 00:20:34,219 --> 00:20:37,438 Speaker 2: here's what I think, I think at the core of 413 00:20:37,449 --> 00:20:41,359 Speaker 2: it you've got to like this person, I think, like, 414 00:20:41,369 --> 00:20:45,399 Speaker 2: stays and I think it's harder to, like a person 415 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:48,170 Speaker 2: than to love a person. You know 416 00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:50,270 Speaker 1: what I don't understand, right? 417 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:53,079 Speaker 2: It's very easy to say, oh, you know, I love 418 00:20:53,089 --> 00:20:55,310 Speaker 2: you because you're doing this is this because you're making 419 00:20:55,319 --> 00:20:57,959 Speaker 2: me feel like this is this. But it's a lot 420 00:20:57,969 --> 00:21:00,449 Speaker 2: harder to like a person for the person that they 421 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,989 Speaker 2: are and for you to even want to think about 422 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:03,209 Speaker 2: being 423 00:21:03,287 --> 00:21:06,748 Speaker 2: back with this person, you must genuinely like this person. 424 00:21:07,277 --> 00:21:10,567 Speaker 2: And I think in that year and three months before 425 00:21:10,578 --> 00:21:14,588 Speaker 2: we got back together, I liked him enough to have 426 00:21:14,598 --> 00:21:18,807 Speaker 2: that friendship, right? As a person. And that helped a 427 00:21:18,817 --> 00:21:21,328 Speaker 2: time I did not dive like head 428 00:21:21,338 --> 00:21:23,848 Speaker 1: first. I think the time that you took was very 429 00:21:23,858 --> 00:21:25,118 Speaker 1: important on my 430 00:21:25,128 --> 00:21:27,177 Speaker 2: own. Yeah. And with him and no, 431 00:21:27,186 --> 00:21:30,078 Speaker 1: and after reconnecting that one year that you took to 432 00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:31,848 Speaker 1: think about it is very, very 433 00:21:32,355 --> 00:21:34,436 Speaker 1: are a lot of things that you think about. We 434 00:21:34,446 --> 00:21:36,045 Speaker 1: always get this out of the way if you're in 435 00:21:36,056 --> 00:21:39,264 Speaker 1: any kind of like dangerous situation, right? Abuse, substance abuse, 436 00:21:39,276 --> 00:21:42,555 Speaker 1: emotional abuse, physical abuse. Those are situations that I think 437 00:21:42,566 --> 00:21:45,604 Speaker 1: are non negotiable. Right. Yes. Don't get back together with 438 00:21:45,615 --> 00:21:49,285 Speaker 1: that person. The likely more, you know, gray areas would 439 00:21:49,296 --> 00:21:52,676 Speaker 1: be like different, I guess, different goals, different visions for 440 00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:56,286 Speaker 1: your future. Some couples break up, I've seen because one 441 00:21:56,296 --> 00:21:58,776 Speaker 1: wants kids, one doesn't want kids, but they miss each 442 00:21:58,786 --> 00:22:00,436 Speaker 1: other so much that they get back together. Then I 443 00:22:00,446 --> 00:22:01,345 Speaker 1: ask them, have you, 444 00:22:01,423 --> 00:22:03,703 Speaker 1: you guys come to a consensus about whether you want kids? 445 00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,333 Speaker 1: They haven't. And that's ok. But how do you move 446 00:22:06,343 --> 00:22:09,513 Speaker 1: forward into a future? You agree on that? 447 00:22:09,523 --> 00:22:12,963 Speaker 2: Ok. So what I feel is if one doesn't want 448 00:22:12,973 --> 00:22:15,263 Speaker 2: kids and one wants kids, but they love each other 449 00:22:15,273 --> 00:22:21,913 Speaker 2: so much, they would come to a compromise can compromise. Well, 450 00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:22,384 Speaker 2: I mean, 451 00:22:22,394 --> 00:22:26,473 Speaker 1: then you don't love each other enough to not compromise. Right. 452 00:22:26,484 --> 00:22:28,833 Speaker 1: So you're better off like moving on, on your own, 453 00:22:29,323 --> 00:22:29,494 Speaker 1: I 454 00:22:29,504 --> 00:22:30,394 Speaker 2: would say so. Yeah, 455 00:22:30,491 --> 00:22:33,151 Speaker 2: I agree with that. Both of you need to agree 456 00:22:33,161 --> 00:22:35,342 Speaker 2: on how you're gonna deal with that. Yeah. 457 00:22:35,352 --> 00:22:39,771 Speaker 1: Or like even something simple, like lifestyle differences, right? One 458 00:22:39,781 --> 00:22:42,452 Speaker 1: person could be like, I really love being active and 459 00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:44,462 Speaker 1: I want my partner to be active as well. Then 460 00:22:44,472 --> 00:22:45,991 Speaker 1: the partner is like, oh, I just want to sleep 461 00:22:46,001 --> 00:22:49,261 Speaker 1: all day and eat like Maggie mean, be, you know, it, 462 00:22:49,271 --> 00:22:52,582 Speaker 1: it's a totally different vibe or the kind of beliefs 463 00:22:52,592 --> 00:22:54,802 Speaker 1: that you want to impact your kids. Maybe one is religious, 464 00:22:54,811 --> 00:22:56,862 Speaker 1: one is not religious. There's so many things to think 465 00:22:56,871 --> 00:22:59,482 Speaker 1: about or infidelity. 466 00:22:59,699 --> 00:23:03,488 Speaker 1: Now. Huge red flag you get back with an ex 467 00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:05,530 Speaker 1: who cheated on you. Do you believe 468 00:23:05,540 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 2: that once a cheater? Always a cheater? Yes. Really? I 469 00:23:09,530 --> 00:23:12,410 Speaker 1: will not get you would not because I don't want 470 00:23:12,420 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 1: to be always doubting. Yes. You know, like, oh, he's 471 00:23:15,810 --> 00:23:17,770 Speaker 1: going out tonight? Who is he going out with? Is 472 00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:19,409 Speaker 1: he going to cheat on me again? Like I will 473 00:23:19,420 --> 00:23:21,859 Speaker 1: find these questions running around in my head and it's 474 00:23:21,869 --> 00:23:24,069 Speaker 1: not fair to him. It's not fair to myself. What 475 00:23:24,079 --> 00:23:26,869 Speaker 1: if he's truly changed? Right. So some people believe in that, 476 00:23:26,969 --> 00:23:27,890 Speaker 1: but I don't. 477 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,389 Speaker 2: Ok. II, I mean, I, I think people can change 478 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,689 Speaker 2: but I think when it comes to infidelity, it really 479 00:23:35,699 --> 00:23:39,140 Speaker 2: like normal relationships and marriages take a lot of work 480 00:23:39,150 --> 00:23:42,099 Speaker 2: when it comes to something with infidelity. If you're considering 481 00:23:42,109 --> 00:23:42,890 Speaker 2: getting back together. 482 00:23:43,410 --> 00:23:46,089 Speaker 2: Well, I think it's 10 times more work and it's 483 00:23:46,099 --> 00:23:49,139 Speaker 2: just a lot to navigate through. It takes a lot 484 00:23:49,150 --> 00:23:54,260 Speaker 2: of fully committed people, two fully committed people to make 485 00:23:54,270 --> 00:23:56,530 Speaker 2: the other feel more comfortable and it will take time. 486 00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:58,839 Speaker 1: But if it's love, you know, really, really love, maybe 487 00:23:58,849 --> 00:24:01,458 Speaker 1: it's worth it. Like I know of someone that, um, 488 00:24:01,469 --> 00:24:06,640 Speaker 1: had been cheating on the fiance, switching had been cheating 489 00:24:06,650 --> 00:24:11,119 Speaker 1: on the fiance found out two months before the wedding. Oh, no. 490 00:24:11,130 --> 00:24:12,979 Speaker 1: Decided to still go ahead. 491 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:17,540 Speaker 1: Had a lot of work to do obviously. But, but 492 00:24:17,550 --> 00:24:20,849 Speaker 1: he like completely 1 80 you know, did the most 493 00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: work he could. Now they have two kids, happy family 494 00:24:23,780 --> 00:24:28,369 Speaker 1: and it turned around for them. Yeah, it never happened again. 495 00:24:28,380 --> 00:24:31,500 Speaker 1: I mean, to my knowledge, maybe, I don't know, but 496 00:24:31,510 --> 00:24:33,400 Speaker 1: to my knowledge it didn't happen again. Yeah. But I, 497 00:24:33,410 --> 00:24:36,089 Speaker 1: I don't know, man. Like, what would the wife think 498 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:38,079 Speaker 1: in that marriage? Does 499 00:24:38,089 --> 00:24:38,859 Speaker 2: she still have 500 00:24:38,869 --> 00:24:41,900 Speaker 1: doubts? Perhaps she doesn't talk about it but it could 501 00:24:41,910 --> 00:24:42,698 Speaker 1: still be in her. 502 00:24:43,020 --> 00:24:45,129 Speaker 1: That's not a very nice feeling to feel in a 503 00:24:45,140 --> 00:24:48,020 Speaker 1: marriage where you should be feeling supported and trusted and loved. 504 00:24:48,030 --> 00:24:51,780 Speaker 2: You don't want to put yourself through that, overthinking and 505 00:24:51,790 --> 00:24:53,199 Speaker 2: doubt and worry. 506 00:24:53,209 --> 00:24:58,939 Speaker 1: How about would you get together with an ex who 507 00:24:58,949 --> 00:25:03,089 Speaker 1: cheated on his new girlfriend to be with you? Oh, 508 00:25:03,469 --> 00:25:04,420 Speaker 2: hold on. 509 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,250 Speaker 1: Are you asking? So you used to date this person 510 00:25:07,260 --> 00:25:09,920 Speaker 1: and then both of you moved on. He's dating someone 511 00:25:09,930 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: now but he really wanted to get with you. So 512 00:25:12,050 --> 00:25:12,479 Speaker 1: he cheated, 513 00:25:12,569 --> 00:25:13,569 Speaker 1: want that girl to be with you, 514 00:25:13,579 --> 00:25:14,899 Speaker 2: right? I think, I think, 515 00:25:15,939 --> 00:25:18,189 Speaker 1: yeah, some people think of this as, oh, he loves 516 00:25:18,199 --> 00:25:20,300 Speaker 1: me so much to do this for me, right? He's 517 00:25:20,310 --> 00:25:22,479 Speaker 1: cheating on his current girlfriend to be together with me. 518 00:25:22,489 --> 00:25:24,699 Speaker 1: But some people just look at it from a different perception. 519 00:25:24,709 --> 00:25:26,339 Speaker 2: He's just having his cake and eating it 520 00:25:26,349 --> 00:25:29,060 Speaker 1: too, right? And he might do this again. To me. 521 00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:29,689 Speaker 1: My question 522 00:25:29,699 --> 00:25:33,589 Speaker 2: is if you really wanted the girl back, why can't, 523 00:25:33,599 --> 00:25:34,469 Speaker 2: you end 524 00:25:37,810 --> 00:25:41,189 Speaker 1: to both parties. I don't know what he want. 525 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:48,119 Speaker 1: You don't think with your brain? Yeah. So, I, I, 526 00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:51,569 Speaker 1: I'm confident to say no one here has gotten back 527 00:25:51,579 --> 00:25:55,319 Speaker 1: together with a cheating ex. No, no. But some people 528 00:25:55,329 --> 00:25:59,069 Speaker 1: have to be fair. Some people have and it really 529 00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:02,179 Speaker 1: depends on like, your willingness to forgive. Like, you know, 530 00:26:02,189 --> 00:26:03,969 Speaker 1: how much are you not going to make it an 531 00:26:03,979 --> 00:26:06,579 Speaker 1: issue in your relationship moving forward? So, what we are 532 00:26:06,589 --> 00:26:10,339 Speaker 1: talking about here today is purely our opinions. I know 533 00:26:10,349 --> 00:26:11,920 Speaker 1: that there are people out there who are willing, 534 00:26:12,010 --> 00:26:16,379 Speaker 1: forgive their partners for cheating on them for whatever reasons. 535 00:26:16,390 --> 00:26:18,800 Speaker 1: But if you're happy, then don't let anyone else tell 536 00:26:18,810 --> 00:26:21,130 Speaker 1: you otherwise. Exactly. I know some couples who have been 537 00:26:21,140 --> 00:26:25,209 Speaker 1: to therapy after, you know, infidelity and they found it 538 00:26:25,219 --> 00:26:27,920 Speaker 1: works for them and they can move on. So don't 539 00:26:27,930 --> 00:26:30,739 Speaker 1: see it as a be all and end all right. Sometimes. 540 00:26:31,199 --> 00:26:33,300 Speaker 1: I mean, the truth is that no human is perfect. 541 00:26:33,310 --> 00:26:35,079 Speaker 1: We're all weak in some way. We are all vulnerable 542 00:26:35,089 --> 00:26:38,079 Speaker 1: in some way and we make mistakes, right? And if 543 00:26:38,089 --> 00:26:41,139 Speaker 1: truly there's love there and you believe that this person 544 00:26:41,150 --> 00:26:41,639 Speaker 1: is the one. 545 00:26:42,329 --> 00:26:44,479 Speaker 1: Yeah, there are means for you to try and make 546 00:26:44,489 --> 00:26:47,180 Speaker 1: it work. I also know that um there might be 547 00:26:47,189 --> 00:26:50,589 Speaker 1: some unique circumstances for people to get back together. For example, 548 00:26:50,630 --> 00:26:53,969 Speaker 1: you have kids together already. You would rather the kid 549 00:26:53,979 --> 00:26:57,109 Speaker 1: grew up with a father and a mother than go 550 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:57,979 Speaker 1: through a divorce. 551 00:26:58,030 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 2: My take on that actually is in a circumstance like that, right? 552 00:27:03,010 --> 00:27:05,530 Speaker 2: In a situation like that. It's very hard for this 553 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 2: mother and this father to genuinely be happy. 554 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,489 Speaker 2: And I think if you are not happy, how are 555 00:27:11,500 --> 00:27:14,410 Speaker 2: your kids gonna be happy? It's like that whole theory 556 00:27:14,420 --> 00:27:18,300 Speaker 2: of pouring from an empty cup. Correct? Is it worth 557 00:27:18,310 --> 00:27:21,948 Speaker 2: it then to just keep it together? But it's 558 00:27:21,959 --> 00:27:25,829 Speaker 1: unhealthy. I think the kids would be happier if you 559 00:27:25,839 --> 00:27:31,060 Speaker 1: guys can healthily co um, but, and, and not, you know, 560 00:27:31,069 --> 00:27:33,188 Speaker 1: like dump your trauma exactly into the 561 00:27:33,265 --> 00:27:35,754 Speaker 2: next generation because you can try and hold it together. 562 00:27:35,765 --> 00:27:38,224 Speaker 2: But I promise you, I think at some point you 563 00:27:38,234 --> 00:27:42,313 Speaker 2: will crumble and then what? Because you can't be acting 564 00:27:42,324 --> 00:27:46,063 Speaker 2: and putting up a front 24 7 your whole life? 565 00:27:46,645 --> 00:27:50,324 Speaker 1: Ok. What would make you forgive an ex and get 566 00:27:50,334 --> 00:27:53,474 Speaker 1: back together with them? Like if you've seen that they've 567 00:27:53,484 --> 00:27:55,694 Speaker 1: changed like they do the work. I don't know what 568 00:27:55,704 --> 00:27:57,755 Speaker 1: made you, you know, forgive him for dumping you and 569 00:27:58,140 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 1: get back to the question 570 00:27:59,630 --> 00:28:03,030 Speaker 2: when you were about to jump at this thing again 571 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:07,729 Speaker 2: for the second time. Did you ever wonder if his 572 00:28:07,739 --> 00:28:10,688 Speaker 2: commitment phobia would show up again and that he would 573 00:28:10,699 --> 00:28:14,849 Speaker 2: up and leave again? Of course, any, any normal person 574 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:17,948 Speaker 2: who had been through something and is going back into 575 00:28:17,959 --> 00:28:22,290 Speaker 2: it will always have, have that fear and have that doubt, 576 00:28:22,619 --> 00:28:25,198 Speaker 2: but I think there are ways around it. There are 577 00:28:25,209 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 2: ways to, to prove and to show that you are 578 00:28:29,290 --> 00:28:32,550 Speaker 2: in it 100% and you're not just about to up 579 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 2: and leave and, you know, action 580 00:28:34,569 --> 00:28:35,489 Speaker 1: speaks louder than words, 581 00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:39,270 Speaker 2: 100%. 100%. I don't need words of affirmation. I mean, 582 00:28:39,319 --> 00:28:39,910 Speaker 2: I do 583 00:28:41,500 --> 00:28:43,520 Speaker 1: love languages so pretty today. 584 00:28:44,780 --> 00:28:46,219 Speaker 2: I mean, I don't mind it, 585 00:28:47,489 --> 00:28:54,329 Speaker 2: but actions definitely needs to be accompanied by these words, right? 586 00:28:54,339 --> 00:28:58,109 Speaker 2: It cannot be empty promises. It can't be, you can't talk, 587 00:28:58,119 --> 00:29:01,420 Speaker 2: just talk big game, right? And, and shortly after that, 588 00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:06,709 Speaker 2: we decided to move in together. Now that was the 589 00:29:06,719 --> 00:29:12,839 Speaker 2: big step. And I was like, no, and it worked 590 00:29:12,849 --> 00:29:17,349 Speaker 2: and it worked. We we a long getting used to 591 00:29:17,359 --> 00:29:20,280 Speaker 2: period a long, you know, this is what it's like 592 00:29:20,290 --> 00:29:23,439 Speaker 2: to leave home. 593 00:29:23,739 --> 00:29:25,390 Speaker 2: And to be honest, it was for the first time 594 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:29,319 Speaker 2: I had moved out of, out of my parents' place. 595 00:29:29,349 --> 00:29:32,150 Speaker 2: So it was scary. But at the same time, I was, 596 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:33,349 Speaker 2: I was ready to see 597 00:29:33,650 --> 00:29:36,089 Speaker 2: I was not ready for the chores, but I was ready. 598 00:29:36,170 --> 00:29:36,630 Speaker 2: But it's 599 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 1: fun, you know, to build a life together, not fun 600 00:29:39,770 --> 00:29:47,540 Speaker 2: when you have to do the chores. Damn fish you contact. 601 00:29:47,550 --> 00:29:51,319 Speaker 2: So when they bought a place together, um had bought 602 00:29:51,329 --> 00:29:54,969 Speaker 2: a fish tank without telling her no, he told her 603 00:29:54,979 --> 00:29:56,849 Speaker 2: he was buying a fish tank, but he bought a 604 00:29:56,859 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 2: huge 605 00:29:57,500 --> 00:30:00,910 Speaker 2: which one? So, so when, when any like normal person 606 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 2: say like, hey, babe, I bought a fish tank for 607 00:30:03,170 --> 00:30:05,719 Speaker 2: a new place and I was like, hm, fish tank. Ok. 608 00:30:05,729 --> 00:30:08,910 Speaker 2: That's fine. In my head. It was this guppy fish tank. 609 00:30:09,199 --> 00:30:09,729 Speaker 2: You can put 610 00:30:10,619 --> 00:30:11,329 Speaker 1: goldfish or 611 00:30:11,339 --> 00:30:13,689 Speaker 2: something. Sometimes when you are a bit stressed, you go 612 00:30:13,699 --> 00:30:16,069 Speaker 2: and say hi to the guppies that make you feel better. 613 00:30:16,079 --> 00:30:19,449 Speaker 2: I walk into the house literally the day before we 614 00:30:19,459 --> 00:30:21,270 Speaker 2: were about to move in 615 00:30:21,930 --> 00:30:25,270 Speaker 2: and there's this 6 ft like bike thing. And I 616 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,650 Speaker 2: was like, who is gonna be in this fish tank? 617 00:30:27,660 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 2: Little 618 00:30:27,930 --> 00:30:28,729 Speaker 1: mummy? Like what, 619 00:30:29,989 --> 00:30:32,000 Speaker 2: why is this fish tank here? He was like, I, 620 00:30:32,010 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 2: I told you I was gonna buy a fish tank 621 00:30:34,599 --> 00:30:35,959 Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, I thought it was that 622 00:30:35,969 --> 00:30:37,770 Speaker 2: on the table. You didn't know it was an 623 00:30:37,780 --> 00:30:40,479 Speaker 1: aquarium. This is called lifestyle difference. 624 00:30:40,829 --> 00:30:43,959 Speaker 2: I didn't know results were going to be in my house. 625 00:30:43,969 --> 00:30:49,020 Speaker 2: Like how, when did we agree to this? But too late, right. 626 00:30:49,030 --> 00:30:51,469 Speaker 2: Mistake is there. We are moving in the next day. 627 00:30:51,489 --> 00:30:53,170 Speaker 1: Compromise. Take 628 00:30:56,319 --> 00:30:59,010 Speaker 2: your battle, pick your battle. So now when he has 629 00:30:59,020 --> 00:31:01,260 Speaker 2: to go away from work, who has to feed this fish? Me? 630 00:31:03,150 --> 00:31:05,449 Speaker 1: I know she doesn't paint the best picture of getting 631 00:31:05,459 --> 00:31:07,979 Speaker 1: back together with your ex, but she did marry him. 632 00:31:08,329 --> 00:31:09,930 Speaker 1: She came out of it. Yes, 633 00:31:09,939 --> 00:31:12,079 Speaker 2: we are at the end of the day. Uh I 634 00:31:12,089 --> 00:31:16,439 Speaker 2: think what is very, very nice is that whenever I'm 635 00:31:16,449 --> 00:31:17,219 Speaker 2: in my vulnerable 636 00:31:17,290 --> 00:31:21,459 Speaker 2: state. Um, we reassure each other that we are a team. 637 00:31:21,469 --> 00:31:24,209 Speaker 2: We're on the same side. You know, I, we will 638 00:31:24,219 --> 00:31:28,099 Speaker 2: get through it together and I think that, that, that's 639 00:31:28,109 --> 00:31:32,069 Speaker 2: a lot for, for a former, a reformed commitment for, 640 00:31:33,469 --> 00:31:35,550 Speaker 2: it's a lot, we've come a long way. We've come 641 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:37,579 Speaker 2: a long way. This is why you have to like 642 00:31:37,589 --> 00:31:38,589 Speaker 2: the person. Right. 643 00:31:38,599 --> 00:31:41,479 Speaker 1: Absolutely. I mean, there's pros and cons of getting back 644 00:31:41,489 --> 00:31:45,140 Speaker 1: together with your ex. Um A lot of people may think, oh, 645 00:31:45,150 --> 00:31:47,300 Speaker 1: you know, it's, it's so exciting to get back together 646 00:31:47,310 --> 00:31:50,849 Speaker 1: with an ex because you, you are just so comfortable 647 00:31:50,859 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 1: with each other. I'll tell you what was the nicest 648 00:31:53,064 --> 00:31:56,525 Speaker 1: moment of getting back together with my ex was walking 649 00:31:56,535 --> 00:32:00,114 Speaker 1: into his place and seeing his mom again after four years. 650 00:32:00,614 --> 00:32:02,114 Speaker 2: I think that's the hardest part, the 651 00:32:02,125 --> 00:32:05,234 Speaker 1: happiness on her face. Like I think she cried, you know, 652 00:32:05,244 --> 00:32:07,635 Speaker 1: his parents were very, very happy to see me again. 653 00:32:07,814 --> 00:32:09,474 Speaker 1: Um because they always thought that I was the one 654 00:32:09,484 --> 00:32:12,395 Speaker 1: that got away, but I got away again. 655 00:32:14,050 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: Um So, so that was actually such a wonderful moment 656 00:32:17,290 --> 00:32:19,339 Speaker 1: and it's just easy because I don't have to introduce 657 00:32:19,349 --> 00:32:21,719 Speaker 1: him to any of my family members. I didn't have 658 00:32:21,729 --> 00:32:24,150 Speaker 1: to be introduced to any of his family members at most. 659 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:26,000 Speaker 1: Like Chinese New Year. You walk in. There's just some 660 00:32:26,010 --> 00:32:29,489 Speaker 1: like quips of like familiar. Yeah, I think some of 661 00:32:29,500 --> 00:32:29,660 Speaker 1: those 662 00:32:29,670 --> 00:32:30,449 Speaker 2: jokes Right. 663 00:32:31,890 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 1: This guy before I see this girl before question answer. 664 00:32:35,939 --> 00:32:36,449 Speaker 1: When you get 665 00:32:36,536 --> 00:32:37,625 Speaker 1: back together again, 666 00:32:37,745 --> 00:32:41,265 Speaker 2: is there a honeymoon stage again or do you skip 667 00:32:41,276 --> 00:32:41,495 Speaker 2: past 668 00:32:41,505 --> 00:32:46,095 Speaker 1: that? No, I'm sure there is. There is a shortened 669 00:32:46,105 --> 00:32:48,946 Speaker 1: form of a honeymoon stage. So I believe when you 670 00:32:48,956 --> 00:32:51,306 Speaker 1: get back together you don't start off at ground zero. 671 00:32:51,316 --> 00:32:53,186 Speaker 1: If you break up at two years, you pick up 672 00:32:53,196 --> 00:32:55,776 Speaker 1: from two years and you continue. So you've been together 673 00:32:55,985 --> 00:32:58,345 Speaker 1: two years and counting. Ok. Right. So that's why I 674 00:32:58,355 --> 00:32:59,286 Speaker 1: believe time, 675 00:32:59,621 --> 00:33:02,381 Speaker 1: um, continues, time doesn't restart. There was 676 00:33:02,391 --> 00:33:04,212 Speaker 2: just a sabbatical in between. 677 00:33:04,222 --> 00:33:06,391 Speaker 1: Right. Yes. Sometimes, you know, you take a bit of 678 00:33:06,401 --> 00:33:11,371 Speaker 1: time away from a stressful situation. Sabb honeymoon stage. Yes. 679 00:33:11,381 --> 00:33:15,761 Speaker 1: But very much sped up. Expedited. Ok. And then you're 680 00:33:15,771 --> 00:33:18,381 Speaker 1: out of it and then the Real World comes crumbling 681 00:33:18,391 --> 00:33:19,822 Speaker 1: down and every day you're, 682 00:33:23,119 --> 00:33:26,810 Speaker 2: oh, wow. Ok. That went from 0 to 100. 683 00:33:28,290 --> 00:33:31,770 Speaker 1: No. But, and some different for everybody. Right. Um, don't 684 00:33:31,780 --> 00:33:35,089 Speaker 1: be afraid to consider getting back together with your ex, 685 00:33:35,099 --> 00:33:38,670 Speaker 1: but don't be afraid to not get back together with 686 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,060 Speaker 1: you and just move on the second time that we 687 00:33:41,069 --> 00:33:43,880 Speaker 1: broke up. I was very hesitant and I actually said 688 00:33:44,089 --> 00:33:46,239 Speaker 1: to myself and I said to my friends, I don't 689 00:33:46,250 --> 00:33:48,780 Speaker 1: know if I'll find someone that I love more than him. 690 00:33:48,790 --> 00:33:49,630 Speaker 1: I don't know if I find 691 00:33:49,703 --> 00:33:52,402 Speaker 1: someone that will love me more than he did. And 692 00:33:52,412 --> 00:33:56,223 Speaker 1: the fact is you can, and you will. So don't. Yeah, 693 00:33:56,233 --> 00:33:59,233 Speaker 1: don't let your past hold you back. Yeah. So one 694 00:33:59,243 --> 00:34:02,593 Speaker 1: final question for the floor is pure love, justified enough 695 00:34:02,603 --> 00:34:03,473 Speaker 1: to reconcile. 696 00:34:03,483 --> 00:34:08,032 Speaker 2: No. Oh no. OK. It's not. I tell us life 697 00:34:08,042 --> 00:34:13,822 Speaker 2: is a lot more complicated than just love. Love gonna 698 00:34:13,833 --> 00:34:16,212 Speaker 2: feed you, love gonna pay your bills, 699 00:34:16,284 --> 00:34:19,324 Speaker 2: pay your bills. Yes, you can love someone you can. 700 00:34:19,334 --> 00:34:21,635 Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, the realities of 701 00:34:21,645 --> 00:34:26,915 Speaker 2: life is that love while a big part is not, 702 00:34:27,245 --> 00:34:29,864 Speaker 2: is not the be all and end all. I used 703 00:34:29,875 --> 00:34:33,885 Speaker 2: to believe that, um, just love is not enough because 704 00:34:33,895 --> 00:34:37,155 Speaker 2: it takes a lot more for a relationship to work. 705 00:34:37,165 --> 00:34:41,114 Speaker 2: And I think it includes things like choosing the best 706 00:34:41,125 --> 00:34:42,794 Speaker 2: and every day it's a choice. Right. 707 00:34:43,030 --> 00:34:46,489 Speaker 2: It's about what you're willing to compromise. It's about how 708 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:48,409 Speaker 2: you're gonna work as a team. But I had a 709 00:34:48,419 --> 00:34:52,199 Speaker 2: conversation with a friend quite recently and we talked about 710 00:34:52,209 --> 00:34:55,479 Speaker 2: this thing about how some people they leave your lives 711 00:34:55,489 --> 00:34:57,199 Speaker 2: and never your heart. Ok. 712 00:34:57,209 --> 00:34:57,939 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. I 713 00:34:57,949 --> 00:35:00,959 Speaker 2: don't believe that. And I think when these people exit 714 00:35:00,969 --> 00:35:03,500 Speaker 2: their lives, they take a piece of their heart 715 00:35:03,570 --> 00:35:08,830 Speaker 2: that they never get back and they leave that heart 716 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,580 Speaker 2: shaped hole there that can't be filled with anything else. 717 00:35:12,590 --> 00:35:16,959 Speaker 2: And I think when the stars align, that's when people 718 00:35:16,969 --> 00:35:21,569 Speaker 2: may reconsider to get back together again. Do you, do 719 00:35:21,580 --> 00:35:23,979 Speaker 2: you think love is enough? Pure love? 720 00:35:24,270 --> 00:35:26,169 Speaker 1: I'm just going to give an example of what I 721 00:35:26,179 --> 00:35:28,949 Speaker 1: witnessed recently. So my my friends witnessed this at the 722 00:35:28,959 --> 00:35:32,029 Speaker 1: black pink concert. So they were queuing up to enter 723 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,949 Speaker 1: the national stadium and ahead of them, there was a 724 00:35:34,959 --> 00:35:38,909 Speaker 1: couple I think young male, young female and the guy 725 00:35:39,090 --> 00:35:40,439 Speaker 1: slapped the girl 726 00:35:41,070 --> 00:35:44,399 Speaker 1: in public. I kid you not. Why? I don't know. 727 00:35:44,409 --> 00:35:46,439 Speaker 1: So my friends, they were horrified to see that he 728 00:35:46,449 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: was like, what's going on and he went all out 729 00:35:49,250 --> 00:35:52,469 Speaker 1: slapping her, you know, so there were guys from like 730 00:35:52,479 --> 00:35:56,448 Speaker 1: other queues coming over to our queue and asking the guy, 731 00:35:56,590 --> 00:35:57,600 Speaker 1: why are you slapping this 732 00:35:57,610 --> 00:35:59,459 Speaker 2: girl? Oh Wow! Ok. That is the worst. 733 00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: The worst thing is one hour later my friends saw 734 00:36:02,810 --> 00:36:06,530 Speaker 1: them again happily holding hands in the black pink 735 00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:08,799 Speaker 2: concert. There is a No, no. Yeah. So 736 00:36:08,810 --> 00:36:11,479 Speaker 1: this brings me to this question is pure love enough 737 00:36:11,489 --> 00:36:12,399 Speaker 1: to reconcile. 738 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,370 Speaker 1: I think my answer is a straight no for this one. Sure. Then, 739 00:36:16,379 --> 00:36:19,429 Speaker 1: then you know, you maybe the girl is able to 740 00:36:19,439 --> 00:36:22,909 Speaker 1: forgive the guy for slapping her in public. But like 741 00:36:22,919 --> 00:36:26,009 Speaker 1: what cat mentioned, life is more, more than that. It's 742 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,260 Speaker 1: complicated when you have kids. Are you gonna be slapping 743 00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:31,339 Speaker 1: your wife in front of your kids? Wow. Yeah. And 744 00:36:31,350 --> 00:36:33,459 Speaker 1: are you going to be facing this trauma every single 745 00:36:33,469 --> 00:36:36,540 Speaker 1: day of your life? I think this is a lack 746 00:36:36,550 --> 00:36:37,469 Speaker 1: of respect, 747 00:36:37,911 --> 00:36:42,302 Speaker 1: lack of respect and you shouldn't be considering, I mean reconciliation. 748 00:36:42,312 --> 00:36:44,721 Speaker 1: We're saying pure love. Right. But I actually think respect 749 00:36:44,731 --> 00:36:49,771 Speaker 1: is more important and mutual respect for each other is 750 00:36:49,781 --> 00:36:53,402 Speaker 1: more important than love. While I do believe that people 751 00:36:53,411 --> 00:36:58,431 Speaker 1: can change. I think it takes someone coming into your 752 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,131 Speaker 1: life to change it. So let's say, let's say, you know, 753 00:37:02,172 --> 00:37:02,902 Speaker 1: you cheat 754 00:37:03,424 --> 00:37:06,793 Speaker 1: or your ex cheated on you. I wouldn't believe that 755 00:37:06,803 --> 00:37:08,694 Speaker 1: you getting back together with them would make them stop 756 00:37:08,704 --> 00:37:11,123 Speaker 1: cheating on you. But I do believe that maybe some 757 00:37:11,134 --> 00:37:13,413 Speaker 1: other girl to come into his life would make him 758 00:37:13,424 --> 00:37:16,183 Speaker 1: stop being a cheater. So it can't be you because 759 00:37:16,194 --> 00:37:19,623 Speaker 1: of the history because of that shared connection because it 760 00:37:19,634 --> 00:37:22,704 Speaker 1: already happened. But it needs to be someone new. That 761 00:37:22,714 --> 00:37:24,904 Speaker 1: being said, I think when it comes to situations of 762 00:37:24,914 --> 00:37:27,924 Speaker 1: abuse much, you know, 763 00:37:28,055 --> 00:37:30,594 Speaker 1: even more. So you shouldn't be stepping into that same 764 00:37:30,605 --> 00:37:32,456 Speaker 1: situation again because you are not going to be the 765 00:37:32,466 --> 00:37:35,696 Speaker 1: one to change this person and it's not your responsibility 766 00:37:35,726 --> 00:37:39,125 Speaker 1: and you can't risk it happening again. Yes. Correct 767 00:37:39,135 --> 00:37:41,125 Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong. But I think this is where 768 00:37:41,135 --> 00:37:44,906 Speaker 2: I believe that people can change certain things about them. 769 00:37:45,075 --> 00:37:48,635 Speaker 2: But the core of it doesn't. So if you zoom 770 00:37:48,645 --> 00:37:53,044 Speaker 2: in into these behaviors, right? Let's say a cheetah, for example, 771 00:37:53,330 --> 00:37:55,290 Speaker 2: the root of it, you need to go to the 772 00:37:55,300 --> 00:37:57,429 Speaker 2: root of it. And what is it at the core 773 00:37:57,439 --> 00:38:00,080 Speaker 2: of him that causes him to cheat? Is it that 774 00:38:00,090 --> 00:38:06,319 Speaker 2: he runs away from problems and seeks happiness or short 775 00:38:06,330 --> 00:38:11,080 Speaker 2: term short lift joy elsewhere. That's the thing. If he's 776 00:38:11,090 --> 00:38:14,959 Speaker 2: a substance abuser is it that he has to turn 777 00:38:14,969 --> 00:38:18,000 Speaker 2: to something as a way to run away from problems 778 00:38:18,010 --> 00:38:18,969 Speaker 2: to cause that? Yeah, 779 00:38:19,096 --> 00:38:23,007 Speaker 2: to cope because that won't change that. You will always 780 00:38:23,017 --> 00:38:25,707 Speaker 2: look for something. If it's not gambling, it's alcohol. If 781 00:38:25,717 --> 00:38:28,066 Speaker 2: it's not alcohol, it's drugs, it's going to be something different. 782 00:38:28,277 --> 00:38:31,395 Speaker 2: If you are an aggressor, for example, where is it 783 00:38:31,406 --> 00:38:34,216 Speaker 2: coming from? That you can't control your emotions that you 784 00:38:34,227 --> 00:38:38,507 Speaker 2: can't in the heat of the moment, still respect someone else. 785 00:38:38,517 --> 00:38:41,386 Speaker 2: That's the problem. I feel at the end of the day, 786 00:38:41,396 --> 00:38:44,767 Speaker 2: I think it's most important for people to believe that 787 00:38:45,593 --> 00:38:49,533 Speaker 2: there are professionals out there to help them, these aggressors, 788 00:38:49,543 --> 00:38:56,752 Speaker 2: drug abusers, substance abusers. You are not, chances are not 789 00:38:56,763 --> 00:38:59,454 Speaker 2: the professional that they need. You're not the, 790 00:38:59,884 --> 00:39:01,073 Speaker 1: you're not the therapist. 791 00:39:01,083 --> 00:39:05,063 Speaker 2: So you don't go back in expecting change because you know, 792 00:39:05,543 --> 00:39:08,773 Speaker 2: chances are what they need is not, not, not 793 00:39:08,783 --> 00:39:10,533 Speaker 1: you. I think what you can do on your 794 00:39:10,631 --> 00:39:14,670 Speaker 1: part is firstly recognize the red flag and stay away 795 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:17,051 Speaker 1: from it. Like don't see this and feel like, oh, 796 00:39:17,061 --> 00:39:19,371 Speaker 1: it's OK to proceed or to go ahead because you 797 00:39:19,381 --> 00:39:20,740 Speaker 1: just hurt yourself in the long run. 798 00:39:20,750 --> 00:39:23,219 Speaker 2: Hm. Can I just say that um I'm gonna end 799 00:39:23,230 --> 00:39:25,750 Speaker 2: it with this? Ok. Ok. So when hazel brought up, 800 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:27,230 Speaker 2: are you going to slap your wife in front of 801 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,400 Speaker 2: your kids. I'm going to share a story of a friend. Oh, ok. 802 00:39:30,541 --> 00:39:35,281 Speaker 2: Who just got out of an abusive marriage. And, um, 803 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:36,270 Speaker 2: one day, 804 00:39:36,580 --> 00:39:43,229 Speaker 2: um, husband had thrown the food that she had cooked 805 00:39:44,179 --> 00:39:45,009 Speaker 2: on the floor. 806 00:39:46,929 --> 00:39:54,290 Speaker 2: She has a 67 year old kid, months, months, months, 807 00:39:54,300 --> 00:39:58,459 Speaker 2: everybody has forgotten about it. Recently. The kid said she 808 00:39:58,469 --> 00:40:00,530 Speaker 2: was a little bit sad. The kid came up to 809 00:40:00,540 --> 00:40:03,379 Speaker 2: her and the kid said, don't worry, don't be sad 810 00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:03,879 Speaker 2: when I, 811 00:40:03,955 --> 00:40:06,274 Speaker 2: I grow up, I won't throw the food that you 812 00:40:06,284 --> 00:40:09,905 Speaker 2: cook for me. Kids. Remember, man? 813 00:40:10,905 --> 00:40:13,814 Speaker 1: Wow. You also don't think that just because the kid 814 00:40:13,824 --> 00:40:17,763 Speaker 1: is still young, they won't remember what you said. It 815 00:40:17,774 --> 00:40:21,155 Speaker 1: leaves an impact to them. Are you crying? 816 00:40:26,439 --> 00:40:31,639 Speaker 1: Respect, respect, respect. Well, this episode um was not supposed 817 00:40:31,870 --> 00:40:32,280 Speaker 1: to get a 818 00:40:34,919 --> 00:40:37,350 Speaker 2: major roller coaster this hush podcast. 819 00:40:38,159 --> 00:40:41,739 Speaker 1: Welcome. So with that, thank you so much for joining 820 00:40:41,750 --> 00:40:44,370 Speaker 1: us on this episode of Clam hash podcast. 821 00:40:44,969 --> 00:40:46,859 Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at is clarity 822 00:40:46,870 --> 00:40:48,520 Speaker 2: dot com. That's right. You can listen to us on 823 00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:51,669 Speaker 2: Spotify Apple podcast as well as me. Listen and don't 824 00:40:51,679 --> 00:40:52,479 Speaker 2: forget to turn on the 825 00:40:52,489 --> 00:40:55,799 Speaker 1: notification. Yes, and check us out on youtube to see 826 00:40:55,810 --> 00:41:02,350 Speaker 1: Catherine Roberts, beautiful bag and a beautiful ring. She's very 827 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,929 Speaker 1: shy about that, but thank you to thank you. 828 00:41:07,449 --> 00:41:09,790 Speaker 1: All right guys. We'll see you next time. Bye bye.