WEBVTT - 30s, get married, have kids – The societal pressure to settle down 0:00:00.340 --> 0:00:03.600 Hey, it's Sonia. Welcome to another episode of Men, explain 0:00:03.600 --> 0:00:08.760 here's wishing you happy International Women's Day. 0:00:09.940 --> 0:00:10.260 Mm hmm. 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:17.349 Today we're talking about 0:00:17.739 --> 0:00:21.150 the dreaded topic, settling down. I mean, I'm pretty sure 0:00:21.150 --> 0:00:23.460 like after the chinese new year lunar new year time, 0:00:23.460 --> 0:00:25.480 we were you know, thrown at a lot of questions 0:00:25.489 --> 0:00:27.850 when you're getting married and having kids when you're settling down. 0:00:27.850 --> 0:00:30.920 Thankfully I was overseas. So I really avoided all those questions. 0:00:30.930 --> 0:00:34.680 But to answer that question, today is my special guest. 0:00:35.550 --> 0:00:37.800 Tell us more about yourself. 0:00:37.810 --> 0:00:40.269 Well before that, you know, I'm not here to make 0:00:40.270 --> 0:00:42.170 any announcement just to be clear, 0:00:42.180 --> 0:00:42.880 just to be clear. 0:00:42.890 --> 0:00:46.430 Well, for those of you watching this episode, my name 0:00:46.430 --> 0:00:50.030 is and before joining industry, I was actually a full 0:00:50.030 --> 0:00:52.480 time digital marketer at a tech startup. And because of 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:56.400 the local talent search competition called the Star Search 2019, 0:00:56.410 --> 0:00:59.060 I joined Mediacorp full time and right now I'm a 0:00:59.070 --> 0:00:59.860 full time actor. 0:00:59.940 --> 0:01:02.360 Very, very nice. I mean in 2019, that was the 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:05.240 year where you launched into, you know the scene and 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:06.679 stuff like that. And it was the first time that 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:08.190 I saw you on stage as well as like damn, 0:01:08.190 --> 0:01:11.020 this guy is tall. It's been two years since we 0:01:11.020 --> 0:01:14.530 met and I forgot how tall you are. Welcome back. 0:01:14.540 --> 0:01:17.200 Um You know, we've been chatting with you on zoom online. 0:01:17.209 --> 0:01:19.610 So good to see you back in person. A lot 0:01:19.610 --> 0:01:21.560 has happened since 2019. 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.660 I still remember the moment we were on stage and 0:01:23.660 --> 0:01:25.350 you're like, this is the song. He's going to be 0:01:25.350 --> 0:01:27.620 like a star Like he's going to be on the 0:01:27.620 --> 0:01:30.789 countdown show, like, how did you feel then? And then 0:01:30.790 --> 0:01:34.369 now a couple of years later being in the industry already, 0:01:34.370 --> 0:01:36.200 That was crazy. I remember the day I met you 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:39.119 backstage and I was like, oh my God, that's the 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:40.990 DJ that always listened to, I was like, oh my God, 0:01:40.990 --> 0:01:43.149 that's her. And she was so friendly. I was like, 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:45.020 I was like, oh, hi there. I was like, you know, busy, 0:01:45.020 --> 0:01:47.720 you know, just trying to introduce myself and back down 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:50.590 on stage. I still remember it was only the second 0:01:50.590 --> 0:01:52.060 month of me joining the industry. 0:01:52.140 --> 0:01:52.560 Yeah, that 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:53.700 must have been nerve wracking. 0:01:53.700 --> 0:01:57.890 Exactly, and everything just happened so quickly in a frenzy 0:01:57.890 --> 0:02:00.200 and I actually, frankly speaking, I didn't know what I 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:01.750 was doing most of the time. 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:02.220 I was like, 0:02:02.230 --> 0:02:04.280 when my manager asked me to go to this place 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:05.660 and do something else, like, okay, I'll just do it. 0:02:05.670 --> 0:02:06.960 Just go, just go, 0:02:07.140 --> 0:02:08.150 no questions asked. 0:02:08.150 --> 0:02:11.359 Exactly. Most of them not really processing. Not only until, like, 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:12.890 you know, in a few months ago, a few months 0:02:12.889 --> 0:02:14.850 back and when I started, you know, all the dust 0:02:14.850 --> 0:02:18.160 settles and, and I started to think about, oh, I'm 0:02:18.169 --> 0:02:19.100 a full time actor now. 0:02:19.110 --> 0:02:22.070 Yeah, yeah. How is that feeling? Because, you know, obviously 0:02:22.070 --> 0:02:24.160 you got thrown into this and being a full time 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:25.560 actor is so different from your 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:29.200 previous profession, right, well, what do your friends and family 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:30.480 have to say? I mean this is a long way 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.390 to catch up by the way we haven't spoken. Yeah, 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:34.440 well, fortunately the first thing is that my family is 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:36.560 really supportive of this career switch. 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:39.810 I did consult many people, including my family and my 0:02:39.820 --> 0:02:42.859 then manager, ex colleague and also many other close friends 0:02:42.860 --> 0:02:45.040 and all of them are very supportive of this change, 0:02:45.040 --> 0:02:48.320 you know, is actually once in a lifetime opportunity. Yeah. 0:02:48.330 --> 0:02:50.400 And many people actually wouldn't get to try this. So 0:02:50.410 --> 0:02:53.109 I was telling myself, okay, hey, why not just give 0:02:53.110 --> 0:02:55.269 this a shot and see how it goes. You know, 0:02:55.270 --> 0:02:57.960 a few years later I've been adapting and I've been 0:02:57.960 --> 0:03:01.639 quick to adapt. So called the pandemic, you know, sort 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:04.660 of help to ease the pace of adapting a lot. 0:03:04.840 --> 0:03:07.400 So two years and I think I'm somewhat adapted to 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:10.780 this new career and finding my I would say my 0:03:10.780 --> 0:03:12.890 so called path in this industry. Yeah, 0:03:12.900 --> 0:03:15.530 for sure. I mean it's all about branding personality, you know, 0:03:15.530 --> 0:03:17.350 so many things you have to consider as well on 0:03:17.350 --> 0:03:20.450 top of that. And congratulations because coming up very soon 0:03:20.450 --> 0:03:22.260 we've got the Star Awards, 0:03:22.340 --> 0:03:26.209 congratulations and best newcomer or what was the title that 0:03:26.210 --> 0:03:26.760 you were 0:03:26.770 --> 0:03:30.550 the best newcomer was was last year, I got that 0:03:30.560 --> 0:03:32.430 award last year and this year I'm nominated for the 0:03:32.430 --> 0:03:34.860 best supporting male male actor 0:03:34.860 --> 0:03:36.350 role. So 0:03:36.350 --> 0:03:39.840 that was a really an honor because two years in 0:03:39.850 --> 0:03:44.570 with zero background acting to be nominated. It's a great honor. Yeah, 0:03:44.580 --> 0:03:47.370 I mean congratulations for that. Seriously. I think it's a 0:03:47.370 --> 0:03:50.570 huge accomplishment and you must feel so good about it 0:03:50.570 --> 0:03:52.720 as well or relieved or surprised or shocked. I don't 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:52.900 know 0:03:52.910 --> 0:03:54.970 when I, when I woke up that morning um you 0:03:54.970 --> 0:03:57.170 know my manager gave me a call and then I 0:03:57.170 --> 0:03:58.360 was like, oh 0:03:58.540 --> 0:03:59.940 do I need to be at somewhere again? Like in 0:03:59.940 --> 0:04:01.540 a frenzy mode, I need to be somewhere again. Am 0:04:01.540 --> 0:04:04.020 I late for something again? I don't remember. I was like, 0:04:04.020 --> 0:04:06.280 no it cannot be. I'm like okay. And then she 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:07.960 calls her, hey ya, 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:11.150 I have a piece of good news for you as well, okay, 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:14.150 you're nominated for what I just 0:04:14.150 --> 0:04:14.900 like scream 0:04:14.900 --> 0:04:17.020 so loudly in my bedroom, There's not no one, no 0:04:17.020 --> 0:04:17.660 one else in my house. 0:04:17.660 --> 0:04:20.050 So it's always like this is our best moments, no 0:04:20.050 --> 0:04:20.880 one's there to see it. 0:04:21.350 --> 0:04:24.450 So I was so happy and overjoyed. I really felt 0:04:24.450 --> 0:04:26.070 like as if I won the award 0:04:26.070 --> 0:04:26.550 already. 0:04:26.910 --> 0:04:28.760 So the first thing I did was to call my 0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:30.820 parents and my family and tell them the good news 0:04:30.820 --> 0:04:32.960 and and they were happy they were, which they also 0:04:32.960 --> 0:04:34.700 woken up by my news as well and 0:04:34.700 --> 0:04:37.070 they are based in Malaysia, they're not you, you're doing 0:04:37.070 --> 0:04:39.950 a long distance with your family right now. Semi 0:04:39.950 --> 0:04:40.900 long distance years. 0:04:41.050 --> 0:04:43.970 Hopefully they get to reunite with you know at some 0:04:43.970 --> 0:04:45.339 point you must be missing them quite. 0:04:45.350 --> 0:04:48.440 Yes. Yes fortunately I think I just met them shortly 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:50.790 after lunar new year. I went back for a few 0:04:50.790 --> 0:04:53.460 days you know in between work and stuff so 0:04:53.839 --> 0:04:55.969 I'm glad that I'm able to catch up with them 0:04:55.980 --> 0:04:58.790 after what two years of not one but two 0:04:58.790 --> 0:05:01.060 years of not physically seeing your family. That must be 0:05:01.060 --> 0:05:04.660 so damn tough. Yeah but speaking of which you went 0:05:04.660 --> 0:05:07.020 back to visit your family during the festive period? Any 0:05:07.020 --> 0:05:12.410 talk about a time when you're settling down, Did I 0:05:12.410 --> 0:05:14.710 ask you these things? Is your family typically like that 0:05:14.710 --> 0:05:15.890 or your extended family? 0:05:15.900 --> 0:05:17.940 Yeah, okay so fortunately this time around when I go 0:05:17.940 --> 0:05:20.930 back it's way past the usual visiting, you know schedule 0:05:20.930 --> 0:05:21.840 of lunar new year. 0:05:22.110 --> 0:05:23.010 So I kind 0:05:23.010 --> 0:05:26.330 of like you know I mean I mean I wasn't 0:05:26.330 --> 0:05:27.200 a sabbatical 0:05:27.210 --> 0:05:32.560 alright fire by the way, this is my first official 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:33.260 workday back. 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:38.200 Welcome back. Yeah. Yeah. 0:05:38.210 --> 0:05:41.730 So so during the lunar new year period I'm mostly not, 0:05:41.730 --> 0:05:42.220 mostly 0:05:42.839 --> 0:05:45.050 all the family I've seen is really just my parents right? 0:05:45.060 --> 0:05:47.420 Ah and then they know that you know I'm not 0:05:47.420 --> 0:05:49.760 in a hurry to settle down because you know you 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:50.060 know 0:05:50.540 --> 0:05:52.680 Before joining industry, maybe they have some thoughts on me 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:56.529 setting down before turning 3030 is an arbitrary age right? 0:05:56.540 --> 0:06:00.310 But after Johnny industry they have no hopes of that 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:01.850 of that happening soon because 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:05.510 I think they do hold the traditional views of that, 0:06:05.510 --> 0:06:07.779 you know, being an industry men that you can't set 0:06:07.779 --> 0:06:09.400 it down early, you know, for the sake of like 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:11.640 maybe your fans or your viewers or people who love 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:14.350 you on screen, they wouldn't want you to, you know, 0:06:14.350 --> 0:06:17.760 get into a relationship that quickly that fast. So to them, 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:20.510 they sort of like accepted the fact I might not 0:06:20.510 --> 0:06:22.660 settle early, so that's why during this, 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:26.100 they have not given me any pressure at all, but 0:06:26.110 --> 0:06:28.220 my other sister is taking the full brunt of it. 0:06:28.230 --> 0:06:30.330 I hope she's not watching this, but 0:06:30.339 --> 0:06:34.800 She's definitely watching this. I mean you are 29 now, right? 0:06:34.810 --> 0:06:37.210 And um you know, you mentioned the whole thing about, 0:06:37.220 --> 0:06:40.540 you know turning 30 and then society has this certain 0:06:40.540 --> 0:06:43.070 impression like you have to have your life sorted out 0:06:43.070 --> 0:06:45.599 by the time you're 30, you you should be married, 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:47.400 you should have kids. I don't know, like back then 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:48.450 when I was in school, like 0:06:48.540 --> 0:06:50.940 Some people are like, yeah, by by 27 between, I'm 0:06:50.940 --> 0:06:52.400 going to be like married and I'm going to be 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:55.239 a parent by 30? Well guess what guys, I'm 30 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:58.570 right now, nothing has happened. Neither of those have happened. 0:06:58.580 --> 0:07:01.180 So I just wanted to address that a little bit. 0:07:01.180 --> 0:07:04.040 Do you think that it's just society's view, like, do 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:05.360 we necessarily need to 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:08.760 conform to that? Is that still a thing even, 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:13.060 you know, I once subscribed to this like singaporean blueprint of, 0:07:13.070 --> 0:07:16.130 you know you go through school and then when you graduate, 0:07:16.130 --> 0:07:18.580 you know for guys maybe it's like mid twenties, early 0:07:18.580 --> 0:07:20.360 twenties from his early twenties and then 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:24.960 you find your sweetheart university and then you B. T. O. First. 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:25.730 Right? Right? 0:07:25.730 --> 0:07:27.470 And then you go and buy the ring and then 0:07:27.470 --> 0:07:29.720 you do the engagement stuff and by 27 and eight 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:32.390 you have your first house, right? And then you settle down. Right? 0:07:32.390 --> 0:07:33.060 So that's the 0:07:33.070 --> 0:07:34.230 standard standard 0:07:34.230 --> 0:07:37.630 blueprint for any Singapore meant to follow through. Right? Um 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:40.720 So previously I was a strong believer of the outside 0:07:40.730 --> 0:07:42.700 because all my friends are all doing the same thing 0:07:42.710 --> 0:07:44.460 now really. Your current group of friends? 0:07:44.460 --> 0:07:46.620 Yes. Yes. It's not uncommon to to hear your friends 0:07:46.630 --> 0:07:49.110 saying that oh I'm meeting with my girlfriend and I 0:07:49.110 --> 0:07:53.050 met in university or even before that. So 0:07:53.140 --> 0:07:55.050 so it's not uncommon to hear a lot of my 0:07:55.050 --> 0:07:58.050 friends sitting down. So even as of today, since you 0:07:58.050 --> 0:08:01.240 know I've skipped the blueprint altogether, it's not uncommon to 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:02.260 hear my friends, you know, 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:06.480 raising their second or expecting their second or like you know, 0:08:06.490 --> 0:08:09.390 moving to their own Bto flats right now at my age. 0:08:09.400 --> 0:08:11.650 So I would say that this thing is 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:14.930 I'm not sure why society is sort of put an 0:08:14.940 --> 0:08:17.240 arbitrary age of 30. It could be that's the question 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.050 I would ask you do you feel of the pressure 0:08:19.050 --> 0:08:21.750 as a woman to just simply because there is a 0:08:21.750 --> 0:08:24.930 biological clock that's ticking away. Do you feel that the 0:08:24.930 --> 0:08:28.610 pressure is there? So 30 isn't exactly an arbitrary number, 0:08:28.610 --> 0:08:29.260 it's more like 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:32.760 they want you to settle down and have your kids 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:33.030 and so 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.250 no, I totally agree with all the tables are turned 0:08:35.250 --> 0:08:38.030 and suddenly he became the interviewer asked me, asked me 0:08:38.030 --> 0:08:41.670 asked me so, I mean I don't disagree with you. 0:08:41.670 --> 0:08:44.060 I think that you know there is a general 0:08:44.140 --> 0:08:47.350 consensus out there, people think like, okay maybe you've got 0:08:47.350 --> 0:08:49.730 to think of your health and your fertility and all 0:08:49.730 --> 0:08:50.950 that kind of stuff as well because 0:08:51.140 --> 0:08:54.230 You know, technically after the age of 30, you know, 0:08:54.230 --> 0:08:56.790 you're considered if I'm not wrong. One of my friends 0:08:56.790 --> 0:08:59.500 who has a kid, she had a kid at 35. 0:08:59.510 --> 0:09:03.350 Um and it's considered a geriatric pregnancy 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:04.050 means 0:09:04.059 --> 0:09:06.579 okay, you know, geriatric means old, 0:09:06.590 --> 0:09:08.010 right? Literally 0:09:08.010 --> 0:09:12.220 At 35 apparently is considered geriatric pregnancy already. That means 0:09:12.220 --> 0:09:15.160 you're like towards the tail end of your, I don't know, 0:09:15.170 --> 0:09:18.189 but I think technology and healthcare nowadays are changing that 0:09:18.190 --> 0:09:19.250 perception a little bit. 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:23.300 However, I mean I've had, I've had questions from my 0:09:23.300 --> 0:09:26.750 family obviously and my extended family as well um you know, 0:09:26.750 --> 0:09:30.069 asking where is Sonja, you know, get settling down, when 0:09:30.070 --> 0:09:32.360 is she gonna she's still so busy doing her thing 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:34.700 and like you know seemingly traveling and doing all that 0:09:34.700 --> 0:09:37.090 kind of stuff, like is she going to have kids 0:09:37.090 --> 0:09:39.059 at some point? Um 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:41.430 And to me, I feel like because of the nature 0:09:41.429 --> 0:09:44.860 of our industry, I feel like it's less 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:48.690 pressurizing to settle down, have kids, I don't know whether 0:09:48.690 --> 0:09:50.780 you agree with me, but you know, I feel like 0:09:50.780 --> 0:09:52.920 there's so much more in our career that we have 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.100 yet to explore or experience or do that at this point. 0:09:56.100 --> 0:09:58.350 I can't even keep a dog. I mean, can you, 0:09:58.440 --> 0:09:59.860 You know what I mean? Like you can't even have 0:09:59.860 --> 0:10:03.599 a pet right at this point. So that's my really, 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.280 that is how I judge things. If I can take 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:07.240 care of a dog, I cannot take care of a 0:10:07.240 --> 0:10:10.900 kid or a husband that's for sure. So therefore I 0:10:10.900 --> 0:10:12.709 feel like I need, you know, a partner in life 0:10:12.710 --> 0:10:15.750 who is also in the same thought process, the same phase, 0:10:15.750 --> 0:10:18.850 you know, eventually you want to work there, but maybe 0:10:18.850 --> 0:10:21.700 not right now and I don't think, I think at 0:10:21.710 --> 0:10:24.070 30 there's still so much of life left to live 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.100 of course before this chat actually, I'm not sure if 0:10:26.100 --> 0:10:29.179 you're a believer of the whole society construct of social 0:10:29.179 --> 0:10:31.650 construct of marriage and family and stuff. So 0:10:31.940 --> 0:10:33.110 I don't know, you seem to me that I thought 0:10:33.110 --> 0:10:35.459 you're a nonbeliever, but after this shot, I felt that 0:10:35.470 --> 0:10:36.400 you have some plans 0:10:36.470 --> 0:10:38.650 that, you know, I think it's a mix, you know, 0:10:38.650 --> 0:10:41.500 because I think some of us, I recognize that sometimes 0:10:41.500 --> 0:10:45.090 we are talking through a lens where we're a little 0:10:45.090 --> 0:10:48.390 bit more fortunate to be say more financially stable at 0:10:48.390 --> 0:10:49.760 a certain age, you know, 0:10:49.940 --> 0:10:52.040 I mean sometimes when you look at it compared to 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:55.059 our peers or people who have not started working so early, 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.480 um perhaps we have more financial freedom or stability or 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.120 you know, and I recognize that we're looking at it 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:04.559 from a more privileged standpoint, but at the same time 0:11:04.570 --> 0:11:07.670 because people need to, you know, get their house or 0:11:07.670 --> 0:11:09.110 they need to get a B T. O and stuff 0:11:09.110 --> 0:11:11.880 like that. And I think that's also very important to 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:13.660 be a homeowner and stuff and if 0:11:13.740 --> 0:11:16.530 you're able to do that together as a couple like honesty, 0:11:16.530 --> 0:11:18.060 that's totally fine as well. 0:11:18.340 --> 0:11:21.200 But yeah, I'm kind of like a typical Capricorn, I 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:23.410 want to be independent, all that stuff. So it's like 0:11:23.420 --> 0:11:27.930 just the way that really so in that case, what 0:11:27.940 --> 0:11:31.950 is your definition of success and stability then, since you're 0:11:31.950 --> 0:11:32.950 already approaching 0:11:33.140 --> 0:11:33.750 30 0:11:33.760 --> 0:11:36.680 you raise a really good point just now. You mentioned about, 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:39.400 you know, financial stability and you know, the freedom of 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:40.059 doing things. 0:11:40.140 --> 0:11:43.670 You know, my definition of success used to be achieving 0:11:43.670 --> 0:11:46.949 my life ambition right? In my early twenties, I was 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:51.450 this hot headed passionate young guy in tech and you know, 0:11:51.450 --> 0:11:55.560 I was following people like steve jobs, Mark Zuckerberg. So 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:57.680 my life motto back there in my life ambition was 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:00.339 to make a dent in the universe, right? So I 0:12:00.340 --> 0:12:02.300 want to leave a legacy, you know, after I passed 0:12:02.309 --> 0:12:05.179 and of course try to you know, impact millions of 0:12:05.179 --> 0:12:07.960 lives and not just like, you know, doing something small. 0:12:07.970 --> 0:12:11.800 So that was the young young me in the twenties, right? 0:12:11.809 --> 0:12:14.969 But eventually after I make the career switch, which I 0:12:14.970 --> 0:12:17.730 did not expect it happening, I look at success in 0:12:17.730 --> 0:12:19.050 a very different life right now. 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.470 So what I see is that there are two parts 0:12:21.470 --> 0:12:24.310 to it, right? One is definitely financially, you want to 0:12:24.309 --> 0:12:26.980 be stable, you want to be free, you want to 0:12:26.980 --> 0:12:29.830 be abundant so that you can make a lot of 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:33.330 decisions that's not tied down financially. Of course I'm speaking 0:12:33.330 --> 0:12:36.570 from like it's a privilege to have the ability to 0:12:36.570 --> 0:12:40.130 make choices without being tied down financially. For the second 0:12:40.130 --> 0:12:42.030 part of the success actually, I want to bring a 0:12:42.030 --> 0:12:46.140 bit more about interpersonal relationships with families, your partners, your 0:12:46.140 --> 0:12:47.660 loved ones, your pets even 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.160 I feel that there's also a part of it should 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.450 contribute to what you define as success. No matter how 0:12:53.450 --> 0:12:56.450 big of achievement you have made on earth you would 0:12:56.450 --> 0:12:58.890 want there to be a group of people or someone 0:12:58.900 --> 0:13:01.800 to share your success or happiness with. So I feel 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:04.100 that interpersonal relationship is also something that, you know, I've 0:13:04.100 --> 0:13:04.460 worked 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:08.550 hard to, to build towards it and our factor in 0:13:08.550 --> 0:13:11.910 as one of their success. So, you know, relationships, family 0:13:11.910 --> 0:13:14.620 relationships with my partners, loved one siblings as well, all 0:13:14.620 --> 0:13:16.439 grouped them lump them together as like what I define 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:17.160 as success? 0:13:17.170 --> 0:13:20.160 No, I honestly couldn't agree more like seriously, this, 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:22.770 this international Women's Day, I think it's more than just, 0:13:22.770 --> 0:13:25.369 you know, celebrating us as women and as individuals. I 0:13:25.370 --> 0:13:25.660 think 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.309 that we share a lot of similar views as well, 0:13:28.309 --> 0:13:30.940 even as men as women and we all celebrate kind 0:13:30.940 --> 0:13:34.960 of like the same things, essentially the concept of success 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:37.720 is changing so much and it's ever evolving, right? And 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:39.760 I like the point that you brought up about how 0:13:39.770 --> 0:13:41.760 we need to focus on, like not just 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:45.720 love life relationships but also relationships in all aspects and facets. 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:46.060 And 0:13:46.140 --> 0:13:48.290 I think during my sabbatical there was one thing that 0:13:48.300 --> 0:13:51.860 I really tried to focus on two because as you know, 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.660 in this industry you're like constantly, sometimes you workout hours, 0:13:55.660 --> 0:13:58.240 you work for months, you're filming and doing so many 0:13:58.240 --> 0:13:58.560 things 0:13:58.940 --> 0:14:02.630 that perhaps you feel you neglect your family or your 0:14:02.630 --> 0:14:05.929 personal relationships, right? You're always like hustling, hustling, hustling, I 0:14:05.929 --> 0:14:07.230 want to do this, I want to take up this 0:14:07.230 --> 0:14:09.679 project and stuff and then years have gone by and 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:11.970 then you realize like, oh damn, like I realized I 0:14:11.970 --> 0:14:15.130 didn't spend enough time, I don't know, quality time with 0:14:15.130 --> 0:14:18.390 my family and my friends. And it it got me 0:14:18.390 --> 0:14:22.060 very emotional because my parents are getting old and you know, 0:14:22.060 --> 0:14:24.160 they are approaching their late sixties and I'm like, oh 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:27.160 my gosh, like I want to spend more time with them, 0:14:27.170 --> 0:14:30.050 but yeah, so since you're you're on that topic and 0:14:30.050 --> 0:14:34.130 you've defined your success, um what's going to happen? Like 0:14:34.130 --> 0:14:36.110 when you hit 30 Do you think you feel any 0:14:36.110 --> 0:14:39.080 different moving from your twenties? Your thirties? I'll tell you, 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:40.680 I'll tell you what my take is because I just 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:42.280 turned 30 so I'll tell you, I'll tell you how 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.720 I felt. But you tell me first, yeah. 0:14:44.730 --> 0:14:45.310 Do 0:14:45.310 --> 0:14:47.480 You think anything will be different when you hit the 3? 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:47.750 Oh 0:14:48.240 --> 0:14:50.260 when, when I'm in my early twenties, I used to 0:14:50.260 --> 0:14:52.890 think that 30 is a very, very old age, like 0:14:52.900 --> 0:14:55.460 by 30 I should have been like this, this this 0:14:55.460 --> 0:14:57.160 I should own this, this, this, you know, I should 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.160 be this and that. So turning thirty's back then to 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.760 me was scary thought like, oh my God, 30 fuse 0:15:03.140 --> 0:15:06.580 Old. Big. Yeah, exactly. But right now I'm at the 0:15:06.590 --> 0:15:08.960 edge of like reaching 30. Actually feel that, you know, 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:09.860 30 is really 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:13.540 The point where all the good things happen. I feel, 0:15:13.540 --> 0:15:16.870 so I'm even more excited to hit 30. I mean, 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:18.730 it's just an arbitrary number of a number of years 0:15:18.730 --> 0:15:18.830 you 0:15:18.830 --> 0:15:19.500 live, 0:15:19.690 --> 0:15:20.650 but I feel that 0:15:20.740 --> 0:15:23.440 there will be a lot more exciting stuff happening in 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:26.770 my thirties than in my twenties because in my twenties 0:15:26.770 --> 0:15:30.510 there's a lot more insecurities figure a lot more uncertainties, 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.460 a lot more, anxieties, you're not really sure who you 0:15:33.460 --> 0:15:36.150 want to be and you're still trying things out, whereas 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:38.520 going to my thirties, I feel that I'm going in 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:42.640 with a very stable choice or a stable path that's 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:43.160 a stable, 0:15:43.170 --> 0:15:43.930 comfortable, more 0:15:43.930 --> 0:15:46.400 Comfortable with myself. And, and also there'll be a lot 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:48.800 more exciting things that there is going to happen so 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:52.450 that I'm more excited about my, my thirties compared to 0:15:52.460 --> 0:15:54.660 what I thought I would be in my early 20s. 0:15:54.670 --> 0:15:57.380 So what was something you were insecure about in your 20's, 0:15:57.390 --> 0:15:58.440 if you don't mind sharing? 0:15:58.450 --> 0:16:00.420 I think a lot of it has to be tied 0:16:00.420 --> 0:16:04.110 down to my career, I think every night, you know, 0:16:04.110 --> 0:16:05.910 you lose sleep over thinking like, okay, is this the 0:16:05.910 --> 0:16:07.540 right thing to do? Or like in my, in the 0:16:07.540 --> 0:16:10.470 right path? Or should I be attempting to do something 0:16:10.470 --> 0:16:13.239 else because you're just so afraid of losing your youth 0:16:13.250 --> 0:16:15.060 on something that's not worthwhile, right? 0:16:15.140 --> 0:16:17.910 You're so afraid that, you know, you're lagging behind because 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.720 for the 25 years of my education, I have been 0:16:20.720 --> 0:16:23.640 always been worried like I'm lagging behind my peers, right? 0:16:23.650 --> 0:16:26.520 So straight out of the gate of education system, you 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.960 want to make sure that you're on par, you know, 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:30.870 or like you're not lagging behind. So I think that 0:16:30.870 --> 0:16:33.720 crippling fear is what that holds you back to really 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:35.450