WEBVTT - TalkBack - Would you report your child for vaping?

0:00:00.568 --> 0:00:04.309
<v Speaker 1>Talk back with Lance and Daniel from 6 p.m.

0:00:05.239 --> 0:00:08.859
<v Speaker 1>It's told by right here on CNA 938. Would you

0:00:09.550 --> 0:00:13.869
<v Speaker 1>report your child if they were vaping? Now, we want

0:00:13.869 --> 0:00:15.909
<v Speaker 1>to talk about this because Minister of State for Health

0:00:15.909 --> 0:00:18.579
<v Speaker 1>Rahali Mahzam said very clearly in parliament on Monday.

0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:21.299
<v Speaker 1>The children who were reported by their parents for vaping,

0:00:21.540 --> 0:00:24.739
<v Speaker 1>those children will not be fined. Obviously, the more important

0:00:24.739 --> 0:00:27.860
<v Speaker 1>thing is not about sanctioning the children, the more important

0:00:27.860 --> 0:00:31.409
<v Speaker 1>thing is about helping them recover. Because, yeah, we know

0:00:31.409 --> 0:00:34.889
<v Speaker 1>that vaping can harm you in a variety of ways.

0:00:35.180 --> 0:00:39.340
<v Speaker 1>It could impact your heart, your brain, your lungs, your

0:00:39.340 --> 0:00:42.889
<v Speaker 1>general health, so that's not good for you. So I

0:00:42.889 --> 0:00:48.380
<v Speaker 1>think if you're a child and you are vaping,

0:00:49.049 --> 0:00:52.769
<v Speaker 1>And, uh, your parents want to look after you and

0:00:52.770 --> 0:00:56.000
<v Speaker 1>take care of you and your well-being, mental and physical well-being,

0:00:56.290 --> 0:00:59.610
<v Speaker 1>and they can't do anything about your vaping because they've

0:00:59.610 --> 0:01:03.810
<v Speaker 1>tried and tried and tried, report, report, report, report. I

0:01:03.810 --> 0:01:07.009
<v Speaker 1>would think also in those cases, ah, the kid or

0:01:07.010 --> 0:01:09.410
<v Speaker 1>the teenager is also happily vaping at home.

0:01:10.830 --> 0:01:13.819
<v Speaker 1>In the family household because that's where it's the safest

0:01:13.819 --> 0:01:16.510
<v Speaker 1>to do it, right? So also maybe mom and dad

0:01:16.510 --> 0:01:18.550
<v Speaker 1>are like, you know, I've told you 10,000 times, you

0:01:18.550 --> 0:01:20.709
<v Speaker 1>need to stop this. Why not? But it's a very

0:01:20.709 --> 0:01:24.709
<v Speaker 1>tricky thing, man. Like, why is it tricky a family

0:01:24.709 --> 0:01:25.830
<v Speaker 1>rather handle it.

0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:30.650
<v Speaker 1>Within the family. 100%. You, you try and solve it in-house,

0:01:30.750 --> 0:01:34.399
<v Speaker 1>but if you can't get anywhere with your child who

0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:37.709
<v Speaker 1>is a bit rebellious and you know that you need

0:01:37.709 --> 0:01:40.519
<v Speaker 1>to do a whole lot more, then bring other people involved.

0:01:40.639 --> 0:01:44.199
<v Speaker 1>Bring people outside, bring the authorities involved because

0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:48.000
<v Speaker 1>You need to get your child back on that straight

0:01:48.000 --> 0:01:51.040
<v Speaker 1>and narrow and look after his or her health. Let's

0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:54.230
<v Speaker 1>hear from Minister of State for Health Rahayu Mahzam on

0:01:54.230 --> 0:01:57.279
<v Speaker 1>the um clarification in terms of, you know, if you

0:01:57.279 --> 0:01:58.760
<v Speaker 1>were to report your child and the finding.

0:02:02.309 --> 0:02:04.889
<v Speaker 2>In general, we do take a very nuanced approach with

0:02:04.889 --> 0:02:09.130
<v Speaker 2>regards to voluntary situation where they actually want to stop

0:02:09.130 --> 0:02:12.478
<v Speaker 2>vaping and where the parents actually bring their child forward.

0:02:12.770 --> 0:02:15.330
<v Speaker 2>So typically for this kind of situations, it will be

0:02:15.330 --> 0:02:19.369
<v Speaker 2>flagged to HSA and we will then issue counseling, vaping

0:02:19.369 --> 0:02:21.109
<v Speaker 2>counseling to the child.

0:02:21.264 --> 0:02:25.573
<v Speaker 2>And issue warning instead. I think that these are situations

0:02:25.574 --> 0:02:28.255
<v Speaker 2>where we will need to continue addressing. What I would

0:02:28.255 --> 0:02:30.895
<v Speaker 2>advise parents if they are facing a situation where they

0:02:30.895 --> 0:02:35.485
<v Speaker 2>suspect that children are vaping, please use the HPB hotline

0:02:35.485 --> 0:02:39.255
<v Speaker 2>to get them some help and appropriate support will be

0:02:39.255 --> 0:02:40.134
<v Speaker 2>given to the children.

0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:43.190
<v Speaker 2>And for those situations where there is an aberration and

0:02:43.190 --> 0:02:45.660
<v Speaker 2>the matter is reported to the police, please let us

0:02:45.660 --> 0:02:48.059
<v Speaker 2>know if there's some difficulties as mentioned in my earlier answer,

0:02:48.100 --> 0:02:50.009
<v Speaker 2>it was only one case that we are aware of

0:02:50.258 --> 0:02:53.038
<v Speaker 2>where the parent reported to the police, and in that case,

0:02:53.139 --> 0:02:56.250
<v Speaker 2>a warning was issued instead. So perhaps if members

0:02:56.300 --> 0:02:59.728
<v Speaker 2>are aware of certain circumstances where the parents have approached

0:02:59.729 --> 0:03:03.679
<v Speaker 2>the police instead and some fines are issued, you could

0:03:03.679 --> 0:03:06.050
<v Speaker 2>highlight that case to us because indeed what we want

0:03:06.050 --> 0:03:07.929
<v Speaker 2>to do is to have a nuanced approach where we

0:03:07.929 --> 0:03:10.970
<v Speaker 2>are supportive of parents who want to help their children

0:03:10.970 --> 0:03:11.960
<v Speaker 2>cease vaping.

0:03:12.630 --> 0:03:15.910
<v Speaker 1>Would you report your child for vaping? WhatsApp us at

0:03:15.910 --> 0:03:21.500
<v Speaker 1>963-1193 or call us at the number 669-11-938. Um, and also,

0:03:21.508 --> 0:03:24.029
<v Speaker 1>don't forget our guest joining us, Lydia Lim, mom of

0:03:24.029 --> 0:03:28.228
<v Speaker 1>two teenagers, 16 and 14, a peak psychologist, as from

0:03:28.229 --> 0:03:32.309
<v Speaker 1>the management consult uh peaks psychologist management consultant with Research

0:03:32.309 --> 0:03:35.470
<v Speaker 1>Communication International and also a chief psychologist and co-founder of

0:03:35.470 --> 0:03:36.639
<v Speaker 1>Get Connected SG.

0:03:38.190 --> 0:03:42.110
<v Speaker 1>Oh, call in 669-1193. That's the number to call. Let's

0:03:42.110 --> 0:03:46.250
<v Speaker 1>go to our guest joining us, Lydia. Hello, Lydia. Hi, Harry.

0:03:46.259 --> 0:03:48.860
<v Speaker 1>Nice to be on the show again. Good to talk

0:03:48.860 --> 0:03:50.710
<v Speaker 1>to you, especially after that budget roundup that we did

0:03:50.710 --> 0:03:53.750
<v Speaker 1>as well. I'm curious, this one is really right up

0:03:53.750 --> 0:03:56.990
<v Speaker 1>your alley because as a parent, as well as a psychologist,

0:03:57.070 --> 0:03:58.270
<v Speaker 1>we want to get two sides of it.

0:03:59.369 --> 0:03:59.380
<v Speaker 1>Ah

0:04:00.990 --> 0:04:05.949
<v Speaker 1>A report or not, right. Yeah, that's the question. Yeah. Well,

0:04:06.070 --> 0:04:09.149
<v Speaker 1>I think the issue is a lot deeper. Um, you know,

0:04:09.270 --> 0:04:12.869
<v Speaker 1>I'm very appreciative that, um, you know, as the minister

0:04:12.869 --> 0:04:16.549
<v Speaker 1>said that they're trying to, to, to raise barriers for

0:04:16.549 --> 0:04:19.429
<v Speaker 1>parents to come out, you know, for support. Um, but

0:04:19.428 --> 0:04:23.549
<v Speaker 1>at the same time, the deeper underlying conversation here is

0:04:23.549 --> 0:04:27.730
<v Speaker 1>really the sacred relationship between parent and child that deals

0:04:27.730 --> 0:04:29.630
<v Speaker 1>with the trust bonds that deals with.

0:04:30.070 --> 0:04:33.609
<v Speaker 1>Um, that that level of significance influence, um, you know, that,

0:04:33.619 --> 0:04:37.488
<v Speaker 1>that takes place and what technically happens when parent just

0:04:37.488 --> 0:04:41.089
<v Speaker 1>raises the bar and go straight out to the police, uh,

0:04:41.100 --> 0:04:44.690
<v Speaker 1>on a situation. Yes, it could be really difficult, but

0:04:44.690 --> 0:04:46.890
<v Speaker 1>the question is what does that do to the trust

0:04:46.890 --> 0:04:49.250
<v Speaker 1>bond between parent and child? Is that a significant.

0:04:49.799 --> 0:04:54.950
<v Speaker 1>permanent impact, what the child then perhaps instead of understanding

0:04:54.950 --> 0:04:57.500
<v Speaker 1>the help that the parent was reaching out for, you know,

0:04:57.630 --> 0:05:01.589
<v Speaker 1>be even more, um, you know, desperately need to be

0:05:01.589 --> 0:05:07.350
<v Speaker 1>secretive because you know that line between privacy and you know,

0:05:07.428 --> 0:05:08.739
<v Speaker 1>external authority.

0:05:09.178 --> 0:05:13.540
<v Speaker 1>Uh, kind of starts disappearing with that first report. So

0:05:13.540 --> 0:05:16.500
<v Speaker 1>I guess the reality really is what my, my question

0:05:16.500 --> 0:05:20.730
<v Speaker 1>often is what more can parents do at home, uh,

0:05:20.779 --> 0:05:24.420
<v Speaker 1>that you guys were discussing earlier to help children understand,

0:05:24.540 --> 0:05:28.099
<v Speaker 1>you know, the real detriments or or harm that comes

0:05:28.100 --> 0:05:30.739
<v Speaker 1>with smoking or vaping for that matter. You know, this

0:05:30.738 --> 0:05:32.299
<v Speaker 1>is part of tough love, isn't it?

0:05:32.678 --> 0:05:35.919
<v Speaker 1>So if, if, if the parents are struggling with a

0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:39.390
<v Speaker 1>child that's a bit rebellious and wants to continue vaping,

0:05:39.450 --> 0:05:42.640
<v Speaker 1>for example, this is more or less an intervention because

0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:45.519
<v Speaker 1>you're trying to help the child, you know, and, and

0:05:45.519 --> 0:05:48.839
<v Speaker 1>you want to, actually, you're looking after and, and you're

0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:50.679
<v Speaker 1>showing more love this way instead of letting the child

0:05:50.678 --> 0:05:53.489
<v Speaker 1>just do whatever he or she wants. So, so it's

0:05:53.488 --> 0:05:55.078
<v Speaker 1>important to intervene, I reckon.

0:05:55.549 --> 0:05:59.959
<v Speaker 1>Well, OK, let, let me propose a slightly shift in lens,

0:05:59.980 --> 0:06:04.200
<v Speaker 1>because when we say tough love, we often think about something, uh,

0:06:04.500 --> 0:06:07.779
<v Speaker 1>measures that are somewhat, you know, more aggressive, stronger, a

0:06:07.779 --> 0:06:11.779
<v Speaker 1>little bit more definitive. But the reality often is, perhaps

0:06:11.779 --> 0:06:14.769
<v Speaker 1>I feel in the work that I do, um, you know, um,

0:06:14.779 --> 0:06:15.779
<v Speaker 1>it's a misunderstanding.

0:06:15.894 --> 0:06:21.924
<v Speaker 1>that stronger personalities require stronger measures, and sometimes stronger personalities

0:06:21.924 --> 0:06:26.484
<v Speaker 1>just need to deeply understand why no is the answer

0:06:26.484 --> 0:06:29.404
<v Speaker 1>for some things and why yes is the better answer

0:06:29.404 --> 0:06:32.164
<v Speaker 1>for other things. And if they are drawn into a

0:06:32.165 --> 0:06:35.364
<v Speaker 1>mutually respectful conversation, and yes, I do mean even very

0:06:35.363 --> 0:06:38.604
<v Speaker 1>young children, um, you know, the, and the choice is

0:06:38.605 --> 0:06:40.844
<v Speaker 1>always in their hands, but, uh, you know, by the way,

0:06:40.885 --> 0:06:42.363
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying being indulgent.

0:06:42.589 --> 0:06:45.539
<v Speaker 1>It means giving the child the information and knowledge to

0:06:45.540 --> 0:06:49.178
<v Speaker 1>make important decisions from the smallest ones, like what shoes

0:06:49.178 --> 0:06:50.849
<v Speaker 1>to wear so they don't hurt their feet if they're

0:06:50.850 --> 0:06:53.700
<v Speaker 1>going out to the beach, for instance, uh, to more

0:06:53.700 --> 0:06:57.059
<v Speaker 1>important ones where if I'm really stressed, would going out

0:06:57.059 --> 0:07:00.000
<v Speaker 1>with my friends and like, you know, taking alcohol under

0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.720
<v Speaker 1>age or smoking and vaping when I'm not supposed to,

0:07:02.859 --> 0:07:04.899
<v Speaker 1>is that really a better option or is it a

0:07:04.899 --> 0:07:06.059
<v Speaker 1>short term solution?

0:07:06.470 --> 0:07:08.989
<v Speaker 1>to a much bigger problem in the future. And I

0:07:08.988 --> 0:07:12.339
<v Speaker 1>think these are some conversations that I feel parents who

0:07:12.339 --> 0:07:15.950
<v Speaker 1>are very busy working may not have the handles, much

0:07:15.950 --> 0:07:18.690
<v Speaker 1>less the insight to know how to engage children. I mean,

0:07:19.390 --> 0:07:22.309
<v Speaker 1>because isn't the way the cigarette and haven't been talking

0:07:22.309 --> 0:07:28.899
<v Speaker 1>about smokingmemorial? I remember like my, my secondary school, I

0:07:28.899 --> 0:07:29.589
<v Speaker 1>don't know whether it was.

0:07:29.730 --> 0:07:33.760
<v Speaker 1>Legit or not, but my principal would conduct random breathalyzer

0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:36.760
<v Speaker 1>tests on the students on the scenes. I thought they

0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:39.190
<v Speaker 1>just checked the bags the breathalyzer over the PA system,

0:07:41.399 --> 0:07:43.959
<v Speaker 1>a few names would be announced and these names will

0:07:43.959 --> 0:07:48.750
<v Speaker 1>report to them occasionally, but this is an age old problem,

0:07:48.760 --> 0:07:51.320
<v Speaker 1>isn't it? It's not really new. It's just evolved and

0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:53.200
<v Speaker 1>the chemicals that are being consumed.

0:07:53.649 --> 0:07:57.649
<v Speaker 1>literally inhaled it far scarier. I mean, that's direct brain damage.

0:07:58.489 --> 0:08:00.369
<v Speaker 1>But what I mean is like the parents have had

0:08:00.369 --> 0:08:02.890
<v Speaker 1>this discussion before. Don't let me catch you with this.

0:08:02.989 --> 0:08:04.450
<v Speaker 1>Don't do it. It's bad for your health. You should

0:08:04.450 --> 0:08:06.399
<v Speaker 1>not be doing it. I don't want you to, you know,

0:08:06.769 --> 0:08:09.209
<v Speaker 1>these conversations have been happening. Yes. So, so let me

0:08:09.209 --> 0:08:12.649
<v Speaker 1>push this conversation a little bit more because clearly, if

0:08:12.649 --> 0:08:16.690
<v Speaker 1>this is HO conversations, these methods, are they working?

0:08:17.179 --> 0:08:20.250
<v Speaker 1>And if they're working for how long, maybe when the

0:08:20.250 --> 0:08:22.760
<v Speaker 1>parents are no longer in the picture, so my, my

0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:26.309
<v Speaker 1>proposal actually is to first of all encourage parents to

0:08:26.309 --> 0:08:29.450
<v Speaker 1>know their children's personality and if they are the sort

0:08:29.450 --> 0:08:34.130
<v Speaker 1>that doesn't that plays hardball very well, hardball approaches tend

0:08:34.130 --> 0:08:38.520
<v Speaker 1>to create an instinctive need to push back. If not now,

0:08:38.650 --> 0:08:40.380
<v Speaker 1>maybe in the future. And so I.

0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:44.069
<v Speaker 1>Worked with kids who are stronger willed who fight for

0:08:44.070 --> 0:08:47.270
<v Speaker 1>their freedom to choose a lot more when they're engaged

0:08:47.270 --> 0:08:51.190
<v Speaker 1>at a level where they're given information, they're led to

0:08:51.190 --> 0:08:54.900
<v Speaker 1>see the real repercussions that they're choosing to enter into.

0:08:55.150 --> 0:08:58.820
<v Speaker 1>I have seen kids who could end up making very

0:08:58.820 --> 0:09:02.530
<v Speaker 1>bad decisions actually choose the right ones for themselves because

0:09:02.530 --> 0:09:03.549
<v Speaker 1>nobody's pressing.

0:09:03.700 --> 0:09:07.320
<v Speaker 1>Them too. So just saying, stop it, or else, or

0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:12.130
<v Speaker 1>don't let me catch you become trigger engagements for the

0:09:12.130 --> 0:09:14.729
<v Speaker 1>ring to do it. You want me to do it.

0:09:15.140 --> 0:09:18.250
<v Speaker 1>So OK, I've got a creative response from one of

0:09:18.250 --> 0:09:21.440
<v Speaker 1>our listeners here just to interject, um, because the main

0:09:21.440 --> 0:09:24.890
<v Speaker 1>question we're asking our listeners, would you report your child

0:09:24.890 --> 0:09:26.849
<v Speaker 1>for vaping? Because as has been mentioned,

0:09:27.270 --> 0:09:30.319
<v Speaker 1>The child reported by the parent would not be fined

0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:32.440
<v Speaker 1>because there is a fine for vaping in public, but

0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.000
<v Speaker 1>hopefully this would, the point is help them avail themselves

0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.039
<v Speaker 1>of help, right? At the end of the day. Um,

0:09:37.119 --> 0:09:39.080
<v Speaker 1>a listener what's up to cross and says, going to

0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:40.640
<v Speaker 1>your point earlier on the day where you said, you know,

0:09:40.719 --> 0:09:44.479
<v Speaker 1>what this create a permanent barrier or boundary between parent

0:09:44.479 --> 0:09:46.439
<v Speaker 1>and child, right? How could you have done this to me?

0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:48.598
<v Speaker 1>How could you report to me? This person says, hi,

0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.599
<v Speaker 1>I will not report, but I'll have someone else be

0:09:50.599 --> 0:09:53.799
<v Speaker 1>the snitch. Um, I will then help the child manage

0:09:53.799 --> 0:09:56.479
<v Speaker 1>the consequence instead of firefighting.

0:09:56.594 --> 0:10:00.104
<v Speaker 1>Growing problem. Why can't we just enforce that this is

0:10:00.104 --> 0:10:04.784
<v Speaker 1>an illegal item to some and and something akin to

0:10:04.784 --> 0:10:07.395
<v Speaker 1>as illegal and dangerous as drugs? Yeah, go along those lines.

0:10:07.505 --> 0:10:11.804
<v Speaker 1>Cigarettes was never illegal. That's the problem. Well, yeah, yeah.

0:10:11.984 --> 0:10:14.664
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a very creative way to go around

0:10:14.664 --> 0:10:18.304
<v Speaker 1>preserving the parent-child trust. But and OK, seeing this from

0:10:18.304 --> 0:10:20.854
<v Speaker 1>the surface of what the government is trying to do, um, the,

0:10:20.864 --> 0:10:23.825
<v Speaker 1>the positive way forward I feel is once these kids

0:10:23.825 --> 0:10:25.825
<v Speaker 1>are reported, these young people are reported.

0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:30.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm actually more curious about the follow up, uh, support

0:10:30.369 --> 0:10:33.530
<v Speaker 1>rather than just a warning or a fine. It's how

0:10:33.530 --> 0:10:36.329
<v Speaker 1>can we create social support for young people to come

0:10:36.330 --> 0:10:39.760
<v Speaker 1>together to have conversations, guided conversations to kind of lead

0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.250
<v Speaker 1>them to the right choices.

0:10:42.330 --> 0:10:45.130
<v Speaker 1>Yawned that this is right or wrong, you better not

0:10:45.130 --> 0:10:48.010
<v Speaker 1>or else. Those kind of conversations in my, in my

0:10:48.010 --> 0:10:51.650
<v Speaker 1>line of work over the last few decades, I found sometimes, unfortunately,

0:10:51.849 --> 0:10:56.010
<v Speaker 1>very counterproductive. So I've met young people, delinquents, who make

0:10:56.010 --> 0:10:59.570
<v Speaker 1>choices in their life, and upon reflection, go, Actually, I'm

0:10:59.570 --> 0:11:02.359
<v Speaker 1>not pleased with the decisions I've made. But I found

0:11:02.359 --> 0:11:04.650
<v Speaker 1>myself needing to do it, because that's the only way

0:11:04.650 --> 0:11:06.250
<v Speaker 1>I felt like I was in control.

0:11:06.789 --> 0:11:10.960
<v Speaker 1>And so thematically from that perspective of youth and children engagement,

0:11:11.190 --> 0:11:14.700
<v Speaker 1>I've also found parents who have been creative and for example,

0:11:14.950 --> 0:11:16.989
<v Speaker 1>went to brush their teeth or what happens when you

0:11:16.989 --> 0:11:20.549
<v Speaker 1>take a cigarette, and they show very explicit photos, not

0:11:20.549 --> 0:11:24.000
<v Speaker 1>in a threatening way, in a biological informative kind of way,

0:11:24.190 --> 0:11:26.270
<v Speaker 1>that this is what's happening to your lungs, this is

0:11:26.270 --> 0:11:29.429
<v Speaker 1>what's gonna, you're basically inhaling stuff that's going to kill you,

0:11:29.440 --> 0:11:30.549
<v Speaker 1>even as you're maybe.

0:11:30.659 --> 0:11:33.770
<v Speaker 1>Trying to survive from stress, for example. And so, so

0:11:33.770 --> 0:11:36.209
<v Speaker 1>there may be a huge myriad of reasons why young

0:11:36.210 --> 0:11:38.358
<v Speaker 1>people do what they do. It could be peer pressure,

0:11:38.530 --> 0:11:41.369
<v Speaker 1>it could be looking cool, it could really be they

0:11:41.369 --> 0:11:44.450
<v Speaker 1>feel calmer when they when they smoke. I mean, any

0:11:44.450 --> 0:11:46.609
<v Speaker 1>reasons they say could be valid to them, no matter

0:11:46.609 --> 0:11:49.719
<v Speaker 1>how much we reneg negate it. So the the reality

0:11:49.719 --> 0:11:52.809
<v Speaker 1>for me with with what the government is doing, my

0:11:52.809 --> 0:11:54.858
<v Speaker 1>point of curiosity is, can we go a little bit further.

0:11:55.429 --> 0:11:58.189
<v Speaker 1>How can we build social communities to tend to those

0:11:58.190 --> 0:12:01.369
<v Speaker 1>who are reported, and also how do we engage and

0:12:01.369 --> 0:12:03.909
<v Speaker 1>reach out to those who we know are vaping, but

0:12:03.909 --> 0:12:06.630
<v Speaker 1>have not been reported and maybe can go through the

0:12:06.630 --> 0:12:10.348
<v Speaker 1>same social conversations and support so that they don't ever

0:12:10.349 --> 0:12:12.710
<v Speaker 1>have to be reported. That that's really where I'm interested

0:12:12.710 --> 0:12:15.989
<v Speaker 1>in going. Yeah. Lydia, you are a mother of two teenagers,

0:12:16.030 --> 0:12:19.070
<v Speaker 1>16-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son.

0:12:19.510 --> 0:12:23.229
<v Speaker 1>They're at that sweet spot, you know, they, they, they

0:12:23.229 --> 0:12:26.739
<v Speaker 1>still are about to head off to junior colleges or

0:12:27.750 --> 0:12:30.140
<v Speaker 1>polytechnics and then on to

0:12:30.400 --> 0:12:34.159
<v Speaker 1>Uh, maybe, uh, institutes of higher learning beyond that. Uh,

0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:38.159
<v Speaker 1>are you at all concerned that once they are out

0:12:38.159 --> 0:12:40.919
<v Speaker 1>of your sort of reach, because they're gonna be mixing

0:12:40.919 --> 0:12:44.200
<v Speaker 1>around with other people, they're not gonna be, uh, sort

0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:47.489
<v Speaker 1>of handling school time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, so because

0:12:47.489 --> 0:12:52.030
<v Speaker 1>of that, would you be telling them now that these

0:12:52.659 --> 0:12:57.119
<v Speaker 1>things that you could be seeing or experiencing with friends

0:12:57.119 --> 0:12:59.969
<v Speaker 1>of yours, vaping and all that, to not

0:13:00.619 --> 0:13:03.619
<v Speaker 1>Fall into that trap. So you're giving them the material now,

0:13:04.270 --> 0:13:06.989
<v Speaker 1>the skills to sort of fend for themselves, to look

0:13:06.989 --> 0:13:12.189
<v Speaker 1>after themselves, to prevent something like vaping from happening? Well, definitely.

0:13:12.239 --> 0:13:14.109
<v Speaker 1>I mean that I don't know of any parents who

0:13:14.109 --> 0:13:16.669
<v Speaker 1>wouldn't worry, especially if the day comes nearer that the

0:13:16.669 --> 0:13:19.869
<v Speaker 1>child is gonna, your child's gonna leave your side literally

0:13:19.869 --> 0:13:21.669
<v Speaker 1>and have a schedule of their own and you don't

0:13:21.669 --> 0:13:24.270
<v Speaker 1>see them. Um, but I, I, I, what I would

0:13:24.270 --> 0:13:26.590
<v Speaker 1>say though is that I would encourage parents and I

0:13:26.590 --> 0:13:28.429
<v Speaker 1>guess somewhat of an occupational it because this is the

0:13:28.429 --> 0:13:29.390
<v Speaker 1>line of work I do.

0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:33.439
<v Speaker 1>To start a lot earlier than teenage, so I embarked

0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:37.228
<v Speaker 1>on the journey of being very informative to my children

0:13:37.479 --> 0:13:41.199
<v Speaker 1>from very young, uh, to inculcate um habits that benefit

0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:45.179
<v Speaker 1>them and even to let them, you know, test waters

0:13:45.179 --> 0:13:48.960
<v Speaker 1>and cross boundaries in simpler, uh, smaller, you know, kind

0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:52.640
<v Speaker 1>of contraband issues so that they get a taste of

0:13:53.099 --> 0:13:56.320
<v Speaker 1>natural negative, uh, you know, reactions. So they know what

0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 1>it means.

0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.909
<v Speaker 1>To make better decisions for themselves. So for example, like,

0:13:59.950 --> 0:14:02.500
<v Speaker 1>a lot of parents are something that a lot simpler

0:14:02.500 --> 0:14:05.859
<v Speaker 1>than vaping, right? Let's say, eating snacks that's not healthy.

0:14:06.070 --> 0:14:07.929
<v Speaker 1>So what I did really was when my child, my,

0:14:08.070 --> 0:14:10.390
<v Speaker 1>my daughter was like, you know, basically had lots of

0:14:10.390 --> 0:14:14.390
<v Speaker 1>noble nosebleeds. She loves her chocolate. But every time she,

0:14:14.469 --> 0:14:16.239
<v Speaker 1>so every time she takes chocolate, she gets an immediate

0:14:16.239 --> 0:14:19.229
<v Speaker 1>nose bleed. And so we, I would always, instead of saying,

0:14:19.429 --> 0:14:22.299
<v Speaker 1>you know, child, you cannot have chocolate, full stop. Otherwise,

0:14:22.349 --> 0:14:24.109
<v Speaker 1>I will implement these such punishments.

0:14:24.619 --> 0:14:26.659
<v Speaker 1>I chose to use what we, what I would call

0:14:26.659 --> 0:14:30.380
<v Speaker 1>a natural consequence, where I left it to her decide, chocolate,

0:14:30.460 --> 0:14:33.340
<v Speaker 1>no chocolate. She ate it, and that cost her her

0:14:33.340 --> 0:14:36.299
<v Speaker 1>say Saturday afternoon swim in the pool, because nobody's going

0:14:36.299 --> 0:14:39.020
<v Speaker 1>to want a nose bleeding child in the pool. And

0:14:39.020 --> 0:14:43.539
<v Speaker 1>so by virtue of pure logic and consequence and consideration, uh,

0:14:43.619 --> 0:14:46.390
<v Speaker 1>thinking of herself if she was the other party, she

0:14:46.390 --> 0:14:50.640
<v Speaker 1>suffered the natural consequence of what it means not to,

0:14:50.780 --> 0:14:51.229
<v Speaker 1>you know, it.

0:14:51.580 --> 0:14:55.840
<v Speaker 1>That's a, that's a sensible choice. Sensibility tends to go

0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:58.210
<v Speaker 1>out the window when friends are involved, and I want

0:14:58.210 --> 0:15:00.489
<v Speaker 1>to talk about the friend pressure when we return in

0:15:00.489 --> 0:15:04.090
<v Speaker 1>the next segment. We'll be back on talk back, learning

0:15:04.090 --> 0:15:07.489
<v Speaker 1>more about this issue and how you would respond. One

0:15:07.489 --> 0:15:11.919
<v Speaker 1>of our listeners, um, uh, what's actually you texted SMS.

0:15:12.150 --> 0:15:13.650
<v Speaker 1>I worried that it will cost you money, so send

0:15:13.650 --> 0:15:15.809
<v Speaker 1>WhatsApp will be cheaper, um, and somebody says, you know what,

0:15:15.890 --> 0:15:18.000
<v Speaker 1>the parents are also raping. Maybe that's a problem.

0:15:20.390 --> 0:15:22.590
<v Speaker 1>Uh, and then goes on to say, why are cigarettes

0:15:22.590 --> 0:15:25.789
<v Speaker 1>not banned? That is a discussion for another day. Indeed, Lydia,

0:15:25.830 --> 0:15:27.630
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna wrap it up there. It was great talking

0:15:27.630 --> 0:15:29.590
<v Speaker 1>to you again. Come back again, please. Thanks for having me.

0:15:29.989 --> 0:15:33.229
<v Speaker 1>Lydia Lim's a mom of two teenagers and peak psychologist,

0:15:33.349 --> 0:15:36.950
<v Speaker 1>management consultant with Research Communication International and chief psychologist and

0:15:36.950 --> 0:15:39.780
<v Speaker 1>co-founder of Getected.sg.