1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:00,320 Speaker 1: Hi, 2 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:02,370 Speaker 2: It's zero. And I'm Jermaine and 3 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:05,859 Speaker 1: welcome back to another impressive episode of clarity's 4 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,310 Speaker 2: podcast. 5 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:09,580 Speaker 1: What myself manifesto. 6 00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,840 Speaker 2: Okay, today, you know what we're gonna be talking about 7 00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:13,740 Speaker 1: friendships 8 00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:16,470 Speaker 2: okay. And you know you can break up with her 9 00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:18,660 Speaker 2: boyfriend and girlfriend, a romantic relationship 10 00:00:18,739 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 2: but have you ever broken up with a friend 11 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:21,890 Speaker 1: to many? 12 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:24,239 Speaker 2: Not asking. 13 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: Never, never. 14 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,330 Speaker 1: Okay, seriously, growing up we must have made some friends 15 00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:32,739 Speaker 1: who we thought like, you know, don't really vibe with 16 00:00:32,740 --> 00:00:37,630 Speaker 1: us and when the breakup process occurred it must be tough. 17 00:00:37,630 --> 00:00:38,589 Speaker 1: La do you 18 00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:41,599 Speaker 2: think like just very briefly, I think growing up you 19 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,170 Speaker 2: change as well, you outgrow some of your friends, you 20 00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:44,849 Speaker 2: guys don't 21 00:00:44,940 --> 00:00:47,809 Speaker 2: a line on your interests or values anymore. And that 22 00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:50,909 Speaker 2: could lead to you know leaving the friendship, right? 23 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,780 Speaker 1: And I think that in different stages of your life 24 00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: you need different kinds of friends. Maybe when you're in 25 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,610 Speaker 1: the partying stage you need a certain group of friends, 26 00:00:57,620 --> 00:01:00,860 Speaker 1: but after you step into society begin working, maybe you 27 00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: need a different group of friends. And after you get 28 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: married you become a father or mother. 29 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: Of course it is another group of friends, right? 30 00:01:07,170 --> 00:01:09,280 Speaker 2: That's right. So we just want to tell you it's 31 00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 2: okay to drop out of friendships. It's okay to let 32 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,420 Speaker 2: them fade away and your past friends may have shaped 33 00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 2: you to be who you are now and that's important 34 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:17,470 Speaker 2: as well. 35 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: Right? So question zero, have you ever broken up with 36 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,369 Speaker 1: a friend before? I 37 00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:26,350 Speaker 2: don't think so I think for me I keep it 38 00:01:26,350 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 2: quite clear between like acquaintances and friends. I used to 39 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:31,760 Speaker 2: call it like 40 00:01:31,940 --> 00:01:35,250 Speaker 2: layers of circles and um I used to think of 41 00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:37,170 Speaker 2: it that way. You know like you have friends of 42 00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:41,370 Speaker 2: this like layer and then it widens up so the 43 00:01:41,370 --> 00:01:44,580 Speaker 2: closeness is different. The kind of experiences that you share 44 00:01:44,580 --> 00:01:47,780 Speaker 2: is different. But I feel like the ones in the 45 00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:51,380 Speaker 2: upper circles, those are the people I keep and then 46 00:01:51,380 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 2: people I meet along the way. I mean 47 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,530 Speaker 2: it might not be a breakup or anything, but we 48 00:01:55,530 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 2: might be in each other's life for a season. And 49 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,490 Speaker 2: then you sort of like drop out a little bit 50 00:02:00,490 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 2: but nothing and then you can just like reconnect any time. 51 00:02:03,130 --> 00:02:03,860 Speaker 2: That's how I feel. 52 00:02:03,870 --> 00:02:07,260 Speaker 1: But what if someone in the lower circles try to 53 00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:09,260 Speaker 1: come up to the upper circles 54 00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:13,810 Speaker 2: you worthy or not really or not? 55 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:16,230 Speaker 1: So you would be okay to reject them 56 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:21,190 Speaker 2: reject? Okay. Actually, right, I'm quite a straight person is 57 00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 2: very hard for me to pretend like if we don't 58 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:28,589 Speaker 2: fight or I am not the fondest of your company. 59 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,510 Speaker 2: You know how some people can still hang out and 60 00:02:31,510 --> 00:02:35,230 Speaker 2: like look like they're good friends. I can't do that. 61 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,139 Speaker 2: I can't I don't know how to do that. So, 62 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:41,450 Speaker 2: I think that scenario wouldn't even be in the picture. 63 00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:43,820 Speaker 1: All right. What about you jimmy? Have you ever broken 64 00:02:43,820 --> 00:02:44,780 Speaker 1: up a friend before? 65 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 2: I think not specifically a friend, but I've broken up 66 00:02:47,930 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 2: with a friend 67 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,060 Speaker 1: group back 68 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,860 Speaker 2: in my schooling day. So 69 00:02:51,940 --> 00:02:54,090 Speaker 2: you know, I love each and every one of them 70 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,650 Speaker 2: and I love the experiences, the fun, you know what 71 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:57,460 Speaker 2: they taught me, 72 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 2: but at a certain point I felt like we weren't 73 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:03,290 Speaker 2: that aligned in what we wanted in life or maybe 74 00:03:03,290 --> 00:03:06,000 Speaker 2: I felt like it got a bit codependent where we 75 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,549 Speaker 2: were always hanging out, we couldn't live without each other's 76 00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:10,900 Speaker 2: company and I felt like I had to grow apart 77 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 2: from that. I had to do my own growing. So 78 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,669 Speaker 2: I it was very brutal. I was very young and 79 00:03:15,669 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 2: I did stupid things like I left the group chat 80 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:21,130 Speaker 2: and I unfollowed them all on instagram, I don't know 81 00:03:21,130 --> 00:03:23,070 Speaker 2: why I did that? That was very, very harsh. I 82 00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:25,510 Speaker 2: shouldn't have done that. It should have been a better way, 83 00:03:25,510 --> 00:03:29,230 Speaker 2: but I didn't know any better. Right? So after I 84 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 2: did that, then subsequently naturally they all cut off contact 85 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,650 Speaker 2: with me as well because if if someone did that 86 00:03:34,650 --> 00:03:37,530 Speaker 2: to me, I would do the same. But over the 87 00:03:37,530 --> 00:03:40,180 Speaker 2: years I found that I was able to then connect 88 00:03:40,180 --> 00:03:41,060 Speaker 2: with them again 89 00:03:41,340 --> 00:03:45,860 Speaker 2: like on individual basis because we've grown and we're not 90 00:03:45,870 --> 00:03:49,589 Speaker 2: in that season anymore. So now I can say that 91 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,470 Speaker 2: all is good. 92 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:53,270 Speaker 1: So for you now if you had to cut off 93 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,690 Speaker 1: a friend or friend group, what would you have done differently? 94 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:58,260 Speaker 2: I would just have ghosted them. I think that's the 95 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,340 Speaker 2: that's the more respectful thing to do rather than like 96 00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:03,590 Speaker 2: unfollowed them or block them or what, you know, I 97 00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:06,620 Speaker 2: would have just like slowly let it fade. Right by 98 00:04:06,620 --> 00:04:08,730 Speaker 2: the way, I just remembered, right that a couple of 99 00:04:08,730 --> 00:04:12,230 Speaker 2: years ago I did something okay. So I've got a 100 00:04:12,230 --> 00:04:15,610 Speaker 2: group friends from when we're very young and you know 101 00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:16,460 Speaker 2: how like 102 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,230 Speaker 2: at such a young age and then when you eventually 103 00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:21,740 Speaker 2: like reconnect again, when you're slightly older, you sort of 104 00:04:21,740 --> 00:04:24,460 Speaker 2: like just have to absorb people who are sort of 105 00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,600 Speaker 2: like affiliated, you know what I mean? So the rest 106 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 2: of us are very close, but there's this one person 107 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,539 Speaker 2: who I guess like, I don't know how long she's 108 00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:35,250 Speaker 2: not really close to anyone else anyway, so I'm not 109 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,690 Speaker 2: very fond of her and I can't pretend, right? I 110 00:04:37,700 --> 00:04:41,460 Speaker 2: really can't pretend. And everybody else, I guess they're still like, okay, like, 111 00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:42,159 Speaker 2: you know, like 112 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:44,630 Speaker 2: no choice kind of thing because nobody wants to do 113 00:04:44,630 --> 00:04:45,450 Speaker 2: anything about 114 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,430 Speaker 1: it. It's okay if she's in the group, but it's 115 00:04:47,430 --> 00:04:48,630 Speaker 1: also okay if she's not 116 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,630 Speaker 2: correct, but a bit about all the time, you know, 117 00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:54,750 Speaker 2: and we really cannot handle, you know? So at that point, 118 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:57,330 Speaker 2: because nobody was doing anything, so I decided to take action, right? 119 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,660 Speaker 2: What do you do? 120 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:02,409 Speaker 2: So I was getting engaged at the time and you know, 121 00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:04,979 Speaker 2: like because it's a small party, right? So maybe like 122 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 2: 100 guests and I really died died. It's a small party, 123 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,770 Speaker 2: Like small. Okay. And I died I didn't want to 124 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 2: waste that one. 125 00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:13,370 Speaker 1: Okay 126 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:17,330 Speaker 2: so I created a group chat, a separate group chat 127 00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:19,980 Speaker 2: without her. I did something that everybody wanted to do, 128 00:05:19,980 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 2: but just never did. 129 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:24,470 Speaker 1: So the group chat is alive till today. Oh my gosh. 130 00:05:24,470 --> 00:05:26,180 Speaker 1: The new group chat. The one without her. 131 00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:27,650 Speaker 2: It was probably called like 132 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:31,840 Speaker 2: engagement party that the same thing as the previous group 133 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:33,589 Speaker 2: chat with her but 2.0 134 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:37,909 Speaker 1: hey, at least we name it. I 135 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:41,780 Speaker 2: understand the 2.0 things happened before I get that. Ok. 136 00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:44,630 Speaker 2: Everybody was like oh my God you finally did it outside. 137 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:47,170 Speaker 2: Yes guys. But after that I think she she saw 138 00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:48,850 Speaker 2: photos of everyone there. She 139 00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: must have felt so hurt. 140 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:53,810 Speaker 2: She then distance herself. Yes, she left the initial group chair. 141 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:54,930 Speaker 2: And then 142 00:05:54,940 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: so now you have to group chats with the same participants. Yes. Hazy. 143 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,599 Speaker 2: What about you? Have you had to break up with 144 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:03,500 Speaker 2: a friend before? 145 00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:05,900 Speaker 1: Well not a friend per se but like you click 146 00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:08,310 Speaker 1: so growing up in my secondary school days, you know 147 00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 1: we all wanted to be cool. You all wanted to 148 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: fit in and there was this cool group in my 149 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: school basically the group 150 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:18,720 Speaker 1: who doesn't study who likes to go out after school 151 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,729 Speaker 1: right right away when the bell rings they like to 152 00:06:20,730 --> 00:06:22,330 Speaker 1: go out to the nearby mall and then we just 153 00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: play and all of that and I thought that was 154 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,930 Speaker 1: so cool. And as a 14 year old girl, I 155 00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:29,250 Speaker 1: really wanted to be a part of that group. So 156 00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:31,710 Speaker 1: I tried so hard to fit in. That's why I 157 00:06:31,710 --> 00:06:33,780 Speaker 1: can really understand what you were talking about and how 158 00:06:33,779 --> 00:06:35,850 Speaker 1: your friend must have felt because I tried so, so 159 00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: hard to fit in. But I don't think any of 160 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,810 Speaker 1: them really liked me being there. Yeah, so to the 161 00:06:40,810 --> 00:06:42,950 Speaker 1: point like when the bell rang, they would all 162 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: run off without me and there I was because we 163 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,570 Speaker 1: were in different classes, I would still be either in class, 164 00:06:48,570 --> 00:06:50,940 Speaker 1: maybe my teacher is still teaching us and I haven't 165 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:53,570 Speaker 1: packed my stuff yet and I had to call them saying, hey, 166 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:55,659 Speaker 1: you know where you guys at now, but nobody just 167 00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:57,310 Speaker 1: wanted to pick up my call and I had to 168 00:06:57,310 --> 00:07:00,120 Speaker 1: go to the mall to look for them. It's like 169 00:07:00,130 --> 00:07:02,140 Speaker 1: I had to hunt them down just to be part 170 00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: of them. 171 00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: So they called me like names and just 172 00:07:06,740 --> 00:07:09,650 Speaker 1: very, very nasty things and after 173 00:07:10,140 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: a few months I just asked myself why am I 174 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,580 Speaker 1: doing this to myself just to look cool to other 175 00:07:15,580 --> 00:07:17,710 Speaker 1: people to make other people feel like I'm part of 176 00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:21,450 Speaker 1: that click but I feel like ship inside. So that's 177 00:07:21,450 --> 00:07:24,370 Speaker 1: when I decided, you know, this is not for me. 178 00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:27,140 Speaker 1: Um I'll just take a step back. I think this 179 00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: is a very important life lesson for me because moving 180 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,860 Speaker 1: forward from this incident, 181 00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:33,540 Speaker 1: I really felt like I was more confident in myself 182 00:07:33,550 --> 00:07:36,110 Speaker 1: and I knew who I wanted to hang out with 183 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,340 Speaker 1: and who I didn't want to. 184 00:07:37,350 --> 00:07:40,870 Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely. I think it served you and your mental 185 00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 2: health well as well to, like, break apart from that. 186 00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:46,660 Speaker 2: And if you left the relationship, it's okay that your 187 00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:48,550 Speaker 2: mental health suffers, right? Because 188 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 2: like, any other romantic relationship, a friendship is just as important, right? So, personally, 189 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,030 Speaker 2: for me, when I broke off, I felt very lost 190 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,050 Speaker 2: because I didn't have a big group to hang out 191 00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 2: with anymore and I always felt very sad looking at 192 00:08:01,850 --> 00:08:04,330 Speaker 2: other big groups and I would think like, did I 193 00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:08,330 Speaker 2: make a mistake? But was it worth the sacrifice? You know, 194 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:11,340 Speaker 2: for my own growing and all that? I think so, yeah. 195 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,670 Speaker 2: And eventually you reconnected on an individual, but at that 196 00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:16,850 Speaker 2: point of time you don't see the future, right? You're 197 00:08:16,850 --> 00:08:18,900 Speaker 2: just thinking, oh, I'm so upset. You know, I'm so 198 00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,140 Speaker 2: jealous of other friend groups. 199 00:08:20,140 --> 00:08:22,739 Speaker 1: I know. So in this case, I think it's safe 200 00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 1: to say that we are both the ghost ease and 201 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: you are the ghost 202 00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:26,970 Speaker 2: in 203 00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: that case, honestly. Did you feel terrible or just a 204 00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:32,750 Speaker 1: slight change of 205 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:33,860 Speaker 2: guilt or they 206 00:08:33,870 --> 00:08:36,459 Speaker 1: really don't. I 207 00:08:36,470 --> 00:08:41,500 Speaker 2: be honest, like, I really don't. But I also think 208 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,559 Speaker 2: because every time she was around, 209 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,780 Speaker 2: she was not particularly the nicest, You know, like, she 210 00:08:46,790 --> 00:08:49,349 Speaker 2: always had something to say. She always had to compare 211 00:08:49,350 --> 00:08:51,960 Speaker 2: yourself with other people. No one's there to compare. You know, 212 00:08:51,970 --> 00:08:54,059 Speaker 2: if you say like, oh, something happened to you, She 213 00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 2: must be or she must be better. You know what 214 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,030 Speaker 2: I mean? I understand. Okay, 215 00:08:59,280 --> 00:08:59,730 Speaker 1: So 216 00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:00,670 Speaker 2: no guilt. That's 217 00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:01,300 Speaker 1: okay. 218 00:09:01,309 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 2: Okay. Don't feel ashamed. I don't feel sorry that 219 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,990 Speaker 2: you have to make steps to improve your own life. 220 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,900 Speaker 2: No one's gonna take care of you, but you Exactly, 221 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:12,910 Speaker 1: exactly. It was so jimmy. Do you feel confused at 222 00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:15,589 Speaker 1: that point in time? Like, I'm sure you mentioned you 223 00:09:15,590 --> 00:09:17,579 Speaker 1: were wondering if you took the wrong step? 224 00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,130 Speaker 2: Yeah, because they were part of my life every single 225 00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 2: day in school and the relationship I had at that 226 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,230 Speaker 2: time was also within this friend group, right? And when 227 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 2: we broke up 228 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 2: Naturally because he was part of the friend group 1st. 229 00:09:30,410 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 2: So a lot of people took his side and because 230 00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 2: I did some very disappointing things obviously to him, right? Um, 231 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 2: so naturally everyone was on his side and I felt 232 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 2: that I was not welcome anymore. So I left. But 233 00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:47,020 Speaker 2: years later they realized what a jackass this guy 234 00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:47,270 Speaker 1: and 235 00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 2: reconnected with me and was like, yeah, we can see 236 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,650 Speaker 2: how he treats women now. And you know, 237 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,130 Speaker 2: Yeah. And I even had some apologies, but I told 238 00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:57,510 Speaker 2: them there's nothing to apologize for. In fact, I should 239 00:09:57,510 --> 00:10:00,350 Speaker 2: apologize for the way that I left the friend group, right? 240 00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,270 Speaker 2: And just left them all. Can you imagine like these 241 00:10:02,270 --> 00:10:05,020 Speaker 2: are bestest bestest friends, and the next day I'm just 242 00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,329 Speaker 2: not in their lives anymore. 243 00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:08,440 Speaker 1: So moving on from my friend group that I was 244 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,650 Speaker 1: talking about, right? Actually, we also form a new friend 245 00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:11,560 Speaker 1: group with 246 00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:12,960 Speaker 1: just sitting friends from the 247 00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:16,290 Speaker 1: the previous one, and new friends from, like, a totally 248 00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:19,860 Speaker 1: new group of circle altogether. And I feel like in 249 00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:23,590 Speaker 1: this new friend group, we actually function together well. You know, 250 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 1: we can serve each other's purposes, b in terms of 251 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 1: like having a listening here or just coming up for 252 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 1: a chill night out, and I liked it. But I 253 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,750 Speaker 1: remember at that point when I left that friend group, 254 00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:37,570 Speaker 1: I felt so confused and I felt so awkward. That's 255 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,380 Speaker 1: the word, because you still have to bump into each 256 00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:41,459 Speaker 1: other every day in school, right? You walk past each 257 00:10:41,460 --> 00:10:43,740 Speaker 1: other at the corridors, and then when you just smirk 258 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:46,980 Speaker 1: at you, they laugh at you. You'll find yourself wondering 259 00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:49,500 Speaker 1: if I didn't leave that group, would things have been better, 260 00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:51,420 Speaker 2: but would things have been better? 261 00:10:51,429 --> 00:10:53,860 Speaker 1: Maybe not. Maybe not. So, 262 00:10:53,940 --> 00:10:54,750 Speaker 1: in retrospect. 263 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,939 Speaker 1: Are we all glad that the friendships that we've been 264 00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:58,980 Speaker 1: talking about? 265 00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,290 Speaker 2: Well, mine, mine reconnected, 266 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:02,850 Speaker 1: reconnected with people? 267 00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,950 Speaker 2: I think I've healed from the initial stage and I'm 268 00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:07,340 Speaker 2: in a new phase of my life. 269 00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:09,770 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm glad that I cut off that 270 00:11:09,780 --> 00:11:12,559 Speaker 1: click at that point in time. So after that, 271 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,410 Speaker 1: we all grew up, we went to J. C. Went 272 00:11:14,410 --> 00:11:15,550 Speaker 1: to Polly and I went to 273 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: uni after that and then we reconnected. It was a 274 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,770 Speaker 1: different kind of feeling. 275 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:21,630 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think when it comes to things like that, 276 00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,980 Speaker 2: you know, just like relationships as well. If it works, 277 00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:25,990 Speaker 2: it works. If it doesn't it doesn't and I don't 278 00:11:25,990 --> 00:11:28,630 Speaker 2: think people have to feel apologetic or feel like they 279 00:11:28,630 --> 00:11:31,970 Speaker 2: have to sort of, you know, force themselves to serve 280 00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:34,660 Speaker 2: someone else or just because they don't want to confront 281 00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:35,260 Speaker 2: the issue 282 00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:36,870 Speaker 2: just because I don't want to say no. You know, 283 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,830 Speaker 2: I don't think you should do that to yourself. It's 284 00:11:38,830 --> 00:11:41,670 Speaker 2: very normal because when you're young, exactly like Hazy said, 285 00:11:41,670 --> 00:11:44,380 Speaker 2: you make friends with people for a reason, but they're 286 00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:47,329 Speaker 2: just your friends for that season. And once you you know, 287 00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:50,170 Speaker 2: you realize that actually I don't need validation from these 288 00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:52,500 Speaker 2: people who are causing me more, you know, 289 00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,550 Speaker 1: confusion. 290 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,580 Speaker 2: Then then like being supportive and all that, then it's 291 00:11:57,580 --> 00:11:59,839 Speaker 2: completely okay to just get out of that. So when 292 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,809 Speaker 2: is it okay to actually drop out of a friendship? 293 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 1: I feel like this has many similarities to a romantic relationship. 294 00:12:06,330 --> 00:12:09,850 Speaker 1: When you see certain rate flex when you find that 295 00:12:09,850 --> 00:12:10,650 Speaker 1: like this 296 00:12:10,740 --> 00:12:14,200 Speaker 1: friendship we have is toxic, then I think it's a 297 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: huge sign. For example, back in my secondary school days 298 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,080 Speaker 1: when you find that you don't have enough time to 299 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,460 Speaker 1: focus on your homework because you're too busy being cool 300 00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:25,100 Speaker 1: for that reason, then apparently, you know that this is 301 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,870 Speaker 1: not a relationship that serves you well. 302 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,850 Speaker 2: I think that when you feel four more, like if 303 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,540 Speaker 2: you don't hang out with them, you feel for more, 304 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 2: then you try to invest your time, but you don't 305 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:34,339 Speaker 2: have that time. 306 00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:35,100 Speaker 1: Right? 307 00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 2: Then that's that's a bit of a co dependent relationship. Also, 308 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:39,450 Speaker 2: why can't your 309 00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:43,400 Speaker 2: exist outside of that friendship? Right. Are these the only 310 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,770 Speaker 2: friends you have? I think that's also a red flag, 311 00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 2: but also think like, you know, at this age, I 312 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 2: think we're in a better space, like all of us 313 00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:53,410 Speaker 2: and even all our friendships, I don't know about you, 314 00:12:53,410 --> 00:12:57,050 Speaker 2: but I have actually more individual friends that I do have. 315 00:12:57,050 --> 00:13:00,650 Speaker 2: Like groups. Yeah. Yeah, correct. And for a long time, right? 316 00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:01,860 Speaker 2: I found it hard to 317 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:06,100 Speaker 2: have female friends or like female groups. Excuse me, 318 00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:07,140 Speaker 1: look at us for 319 00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:10,980 Speaker 2: a long time. For a long time, time is over now. 320 00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:13,560 Speaker 2: I have more female friends for a long time. It 321 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 2: was very hot and a lot of my friends are guys. 322 00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 1: Why? Because because there was a very straightforward person, so 323 00:13:20,410 --> 00:13:22,740 Speaker 1: I don't think she can deal with a very sensitive 324 00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:27,410 Speaker 1: emotions that comes with women sometimes, especially at certain periods. 325 00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:28,170 Speaker 1: Is that, is that 326 00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:32,200 Speaker 2: right? Yes. And I just didn't understand, you know, 327 00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:33,449 Speaker 1: right? Like you being 328 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:37,170 Speaker 2: like, that friendship for me is very low maintenance is 329 00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 2: very fast free. You call me, I'll be there. You 330 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 2: don't call me. It's okay. Yeah, no, I like that. Okay, 331 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,530 Speaker 2: so I will call you, you call me every day. Okay. 332 00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:49,860 Speaker 2: I got this morning before before the podcast also. 333 00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:52,500 Speaker 2: But another thing that I think is a red flag, 334 00:13:52,500 --> 00:13:54,470 Speaker 2: right and signals it's okay to drop out of a 335 00:13:54,470 --> 00:14:00,069 Speaker 2: friendship is a lot of negativity comparison or lying correct 336 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,310 Speaker 2: if you go into the friend group and it's always 337 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:02,559 Speaker 2: like 338 00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:05,890 Speaker 2: talking about other people or you know, who is better 339 00:14:05,890 --> 00:14:08,110 Speaker 2: than who or I just straight up lie to you 340 00:14:08,110 --> 00:14:10,510 Speaker 2: about where I am. That's not very nice. I 341 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,220 Speaker 1: have a friend who used to tell me about one 342 00:14:12,220 --> 00:14:14,430 Speaker 1: of her other friends. Um this is time for a 343 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: compulsive liar. 344 00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:16,439 Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, 345 00:14:16,450 --> 00:14:19,470 Speaker 1: I don't know why, but this girl just finds the 346 00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:22,140 Speaker 1: need to lie about every single thing, even if it's 347 00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:25,010 Speaker 1: a simple question as like, what do you have a lunch? 348 00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:28,530 Speaker 1: She has to lie. I don't understand why. And my 349 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 1: friend just saw through her, took her some time and 350 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,110 Speaker 1: then she decided that you know, this person is not 351 00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 1: for me, it's not suitable to be in my circle 352 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,510 Speaker 1: of friends, but I feel like people like this, maybe 353 00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:41,660 Speaker 1: you have to work on yourself first before you can 354 00:14:41,740 --> 00:14:44,010 Speaker 1: established relationships with other people. 355 00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 2: I think honestly, right? Like this topic is more important 356 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,220 Speaker 2: than we think it is because I think you must, 357 00:14:50,230 --> 00:14:52,060 Speaker 2: you must have heard this before, but like 358 00:14:52,540 --> 00:14:54,490 Speaker 2: people always say you're the average of the five that 359 00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:56,990 Speaker 2: you hang out with. Yes, I've heard that. Oh and 360 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,390 Speaker 2: it's very important because I realized as well that like 361 00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:02,160 Speaker 2: you know when I chat with like successful people and 362 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,700 Speaker 2: everything they always say like the people you surround yourself 363 00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:08,460 Speaker 2: with is very important. So I think if it doesn't 364 00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:10,450 Speaker 2: serve you, if it's not good for you 365 00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:14,330 Speaker 2: like do something about it, there are some circumstances where 366 00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,650 Speaker 2: naturally you would drift apart. For example if your friend 367 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 2: moves to another country 368 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:20,100 Speaker 2: but you guys know I have the best, best best friend. 369 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:23,239 Speaker 2: Her name is also jermaine. Yes, she has permanently like 370 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:28,120 Speaker 2: migrated to Miami but we're still the bestest of friends. 371 00:15:28,130 --> 00:15:31,260 Speaker 2: Sometimes distance is not the be all and end all. 372 00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 2: It's really the connection 373 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 1: and when values change, if your friend can change along 374 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:40,350 Speaker 1: with you, I think that's great, you grow together, right? 375 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,530 Speaker 1: But if not I think it's okay to just let 376 00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:45,500 Speaker 1: go and say we can connect again next time. 377 00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:46,650 Speaker 2: That's true. Yeah. 378 00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:51,260 Speaker 1: So in this article that we saw online san Francisco 379 00:15:51,270 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 1: based author and speaker who specializes in friendship actually said this, 380 00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:59,220 Speaker 1: it's absolutely normal. That relationships and flow all throughout life. 381 00:15:59,230 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 1: So don't ever feel like 382 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: you feel so guilty that you ended this friendship because 383 00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:05,660 Speaker 1: I don't think that's the way things 384 00:16:05,660 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 2: work, there's a lot to expect in life and in 385 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,670 Speaker 2: fact in the same article and other professor said not 386 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,460 Speaker 2: every friendship is meant to last forever and that goes 387 00:16:14,460 --> 00:16:17,930 Speaker 2: both ways. Some friends you only need at that certain 388 00:16:17,930 --> 00:16:19,190 Speaker 2: point in life. 389 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,860 Speaker 1: I like this term friend scape. 390 00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,210 Speaker 1: Have you guys ever heard of it? 391 00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:23,450 Speaker 2: I've heard scape 392 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: landscape friend scape. So 393 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 2: friend scape, 394 00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,500 Speaker 1: it actually refers to who is close by, who do 395 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:32,620 Speaker 1: we want to be around and who do we want 396 00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 1: to surround us? So that is so important. And your 397 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: friend scape can change during certain situations during life, such 398 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,420 Speaker 1: as going to university, being in a certain job, you 399 00:16:43,430 --> 00:16:45,660 Speaker 1: often begin creating new friends to feed 400 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:51,290 Speaker 1: that current life situation that you are in being a mother, father, studying, 401 00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:53,340 Speaker 1: working etcetera. 402 00:16:53,350 --> 00:16:58,020 Speaker 2: I've definitely had friends where they entered a new relationship, 403 00:16:58,030 --> 00:17:01,730 Speaker 2: a romantic relationship then they disappeared sort of sort of 404 00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:03,550 Speaker 2: I think because they're so wrapped up, I've been that 405 00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:06,030 Speaker 2: person to write so wrapped up in love then totally 406 00:17:06,030 --> 00:17:07,160 Speaker 2: don't want to talk to my friends. 407 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,879 Speaker 2: So I've had friends like that in recent years where 408 00:17:09,890 --> 00:17:12,580 Speaker 2: you know, I just sort of let them go for 409 00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 2: a while and then when they come back and want 410 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,340 Speaker 2: to reconnect, I'm here, 411 00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: I've had that as well, one of my very close 412 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,370 Speaker 1: friends got attached and I just step back for a bit, 413 00:17:21,380 --> 00:17:24,350 Speaker 1: but you know what they say, the honeymoon period, right? 414 00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:24,550 Speaker 1: So 415 00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:27,350 Speaker 1: I feel like after the honeymoon period is over, 416 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,460 Speaker 1: maybe it's a good time for you to reconnect them 417 00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:32,470 Speaker 1: and you know it actually builds your friendship because she 418 00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:34,990 Speaker 1: can then see that you have really been there for 419 00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:37,890 Speaker 1: her through it all. Whether she was happily in love 420 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:41,510 Speaker 1: or whether it was just happily single and stuff like that, 421 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:45,200 Speaker 2: correct? Actually right? I know someone who is very strange, 422 00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 2: maybe it's a 423 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,109 Speaker 2: personal thing for this person 424 00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 2: but basically like 425 00:17:51,340 --> 00:17:57,090 Speaker 2: his friends just keep getting younger because everybody he is 426 00:17:57,090 --> 00:18:00,060 Speaker 2: with like sort of you know start families and move 427 00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:02,980 Speaker 2: on in life. So he feels like when that happens 428 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:06,169 Speaker 2: he distances himself and then go for a younger friend 429 00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:09,619 Speaker 2: group and then it happens again. So this person feels 430 00:18:09,619 --> 00:18:12,400 Speaker 2: like it keeps happening to him but actually like on 431 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 2: the other side right? 432 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:17,270 Speaker 2: Honestly like we're still there and we would still 433 00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:21,010 Speaker 2: be there, we can still hang out, it doesn't mean 434 00:18:21,010 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 2: that we don't have time you know? But this person 435 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,860 Speaker 2: like doesn't even write out to see what happens or 436 00:18:26,859 --> 00:18:29,429 Speaker 2: like give them a chance, give people around him a 437 00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:33,050 Speaker 2: chance to just pull back immediately and just like assume 438 00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:35,820 Speaker 2: like oh they're gone. I think that's his own prerogative 439 00:18:35,820 --> 00:18:39,020 Speaker 2: and the fact that he handles his relationships like that. 440 00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:40,510 Speaker 2: I mean it's on him 441 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,410 Speaker 1: right? Maybe he can take a step back and look 442 00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:44,330 Speaker 1: at himself first. I 443 00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:47,050 Speaker 2: think friendship goes both ways. Like I always believe that 444 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,390 Speaker 2: you should invest as much as the other person invest 445 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,510 Speaker 2: if if you're the only one. So I have a 446 00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:57,110 Speaker 2: friend where he's always reaching out to this friend group, right? 447 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,360 Speaker 2: Always reaching out, always trying to connect. But the friend 448 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,370 Speaker 2: group just doesn't want to connect with him. If it's 449 00:19:01,369 --> 00:19:03,330 Speaker 2: like that, then I told him straight up, I said 450 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:05,800 Speaker 2: if they're not investing the same amount of energy and effort, 451 00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 2: then just leave. They're not deserving and worthy of your time. 452 00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:10,659 Speaker 1: But some people are just that figure for every click. 453 00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:13,670 Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Without this person, the clip 454 00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:15,770 Speaker 1: would never ever meet out for a meal. 455 00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:16,340 Speaker 2: The glue. 456 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,889 Speaker 1: Yes, not necessarily the glue, but the person who sparks 457 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:20,740 Speaker 1: every single 458 00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:21,210 Speaker 2: initiate 459 00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:24,140 Speaker 1: conversation or like meet up that you have. 460 00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:26,460 Speaker 2: Yeah. But I think for this person as well when 461 00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:29,320 Speaker 2: you do initiate, when you do plan things all the time, 462 00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:32,010 Speaker 2: I think you want something back as well. Like you know, 463 00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:33,859 Speaker 2: if nobody's responding then 464 00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:36,989 Speaker 2: the person is basically gonna run dry, right? But if 465 00:19:36,990 --> 00:19:39,490 Speaker 2: it's a very important person to you, right? And they 466 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:43,399 Speaker 2: cut off relations with you, maybe give it some time, 467 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,750 Speaker 2: Don't don't be so angry first, give it some time 468 00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 2: because maybe they are going through something in their life 469 00:19:48,410 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 2: and they need that mental space, you know, So don't 470 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:54,850 Speaker 2: be quick to judge and I think time is very important. 471 00:19:54,859 --> 00:20:00,710 Speaker 2: Exactly actually. Right? I was very hurt once less. So No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 472 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,949 Speaker 2: We we we already agreed that they would have to 473 00:20:02,950 --> 00:20:04,659 Speaker 2: be friends forever because we know too much if you 474 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:06,850 Speaker 2: have kids or you know what get married or I 475 00:20:06,850 --> 00:20:08,150 Speaker 2: don't care. Like we're still friends, 476 00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,300 Speaker 1: friends, friends friends. 477 00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,770 Speaker 2: So basically, um 478 00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:16,389 Speaker 2: I still do have girlfriends and we were very close 479 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,020 Speaker 2: and we're still close, but we just don't see each 480 00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 2: other as often anymore. Right? That's fine. That's completely fine. 481 00:20:20,930 --> 00:20:24,710 Speaker 2: So there's a friend and I was very close to this. 482 00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:26,429 Speaker 2: But I said, I mean there were a lot of 483 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 2: individual relationships as well and we're very close. We're very 484 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 2: good friends. Um and then 485 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:34,850 Speaker 2: he got into a relationship. So did 486 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:36,150 Speaker 1: I? Okay, 487 00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:39,130 Speaker 2: so it's fine. And we're still friends, right? And we 488 00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 2: don't need it all the time. We don't talk all 489 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,370 Speaker 2: the time. But it's the kind where you have something 490 00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:44,090 Speaker 2: important and you're like, hey, you know, you can go 491 00:20:44,090 --> 00:20:45,879 Speaker 2: to this person and then one day I wanted to 492 00:20:45,890 --> 00:20:47,550 Speaker 2: ask something and I texted 493 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:52,030 Speaker 2: and then suddenly I got a message that said, I 494 00:20:52,030 --> 00:20:55,300 Speaker 2: think we shouldn't talk or like, I don't think you 495 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 2: should be texting me anymore. Wait, why? Because the girlfriend 496 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 2: happy La 497 00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:02,950 Speaker 1: but why is the girlfriend not happy? Is it because 498 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:03,710 Speaker 1: she 499 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:04,669 Speaker 2: knows that like 500 00:21:04,670 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: the boyfriend was very close to you to 501 00:21:08,109 --> 00:21:10,710 Speaker 2: want to take a long time. I never but 502 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,270 Speaker 1: is the guy into you first? 503 00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:14,130 Speaker 2: Sorry, 504 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:16,980 Speaker 1: was the guy into you? Are you sure? 505 00:21:16,990 --> 00:21:19,230 Speaker 2: Yes. No, but there are some girls like that because 506 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:20,629 Speaker 2: I was one of those girls. 507 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, 508 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:22,330 Speaker 2: I will make my 509 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,180 Speaker 1: studies. I can 510 00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:26,630 Speaker 2: say that as in I'm not hiding it all the girls, 511 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,640 Speaker 2: you know, they all know like when I was very, 512 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,670 Speaker 2: very young and it was my first relationship, 513 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,300 Speaker 2: I was very insecure. I was very jealous. I met 514 00:21:33,300 --> 00:21:35,390 Speaker 2: my boyfriend cut off all his girlfriends. 515 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:36,660 Speaker 1: But you can still talk to boys. 516 00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:37,310 Speaker 2: Yes. 517 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:38,270 Speaker 1: Hey. 518 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,170 Speaker 2: No, no, but growing up right? Like, I'm very apologetic actually. 519 00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 2: It was, I'm so sorry growing up, very apologetic to him. 520 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,760 Speaker 2: Like now, like whoever he was here and we just go, 521 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 2: I literally don't care because I have solved my own trauma. 522 00:21:52,050 --> 00:21:54,200 Speaker 2: But at that point of time I didn't so I'm 523 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,690 Speaker 2: so sorry. But coming from her point of view, she 524 00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,810 Speaker 2: has heard that she needs to go through, he needs 525 00:21:58,810 --> 00:21:59,860 Speaker 2: to be there for her. 526 00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:02,410 Speaker 2: And unfortunately you were the good, he had to sacrifice 527 00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:06,240 Speaker 2: but don't take it personally, right? Yeah, 528 00:22:06,250 --> 00:22:07,139 Speaker 1: turned into a good 529 00:22:07,150 --> 00:22:12,490 Speaker 2: eye. Good mountain goat, greatest of all time. You're right, correct. 530 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:16,340 Speaker 2: But we never really reconnected again. I mean to be 531 00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:18,210 Speaker 2: very fair, he disappeared from everybody. 532 00:22:18,619 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: That's the relationship right 533 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,320 Speaker 2: there. I just want to say no 534 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:24,260 Speaker 1: place to judge. Okay, 535 00:22:24,270 --> 00:22:26,350 Speaker 2: So I got married first and after this person got right. 536 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 2: So we all came to the wedding, right? Okay. She's 537 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,889 Speaker 2: still glad me and she's on a diet and she's 538 00:22:30,890 --> 00:22:33,060 Speaker 2: still glad me and my friends saw my friends like, 539 00:22:33,930 --> 00:22:34,850 Speaker 2: and I was like, 540 00:22:35,340 --> 00:22:37,770 Speaker 2: I'm married and my husband is next to me, you 541 00:22:37,770 --> 00:22:40,930 Speaker 2: are literally like, just got married a couple of hours ago. 542 00:22:40,930 --> 00:22:43,850 Speaker 2: He's still glaring for what? But that's other people's hurt. 543 00:22:43,859 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 2: You know, it's nothing to do with you. Like that's 544 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,740 Speaker 2: why I say, don't take it personal. It's really nice 545 00:22:47,740 --> 00:22:48,320 Speaker 2: to do with me. 546 00:22:48,330 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: What do you feel like this guy friend that you 547 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,169 Speaker 1: had is guilty? 548 00:22:52,940 --> 00:22:53,940 Speaker 2: I don't know of what? 549 00:22:53,950 --> 00:22:56,129 Speaker 1: Because he had to cut off this very close friendship 550 00:22:56,130 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: with you because of his wife. 551 00:22:57,940 --> 00:23:00,679 Speaker 1: I'm sure deep down he must have, he must have 552 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:01,409 Speaker 1: felt a bit of guilt. 553 00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:04,139 Speaker 2: I said I don't hold anything against him, I'm sure, 554 00:23:04,140 --> 00:23:06,409 Speaker 2: you know, it was something that he had to do, 555 00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:09,220 Speaker 2: so I'm okay with that. But I just felt like 556 00:23:09,230 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 2: must really like that man, like, you 557 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,629 Speaker 1: know, Exactly. So that's why I'm saying it's easy to 558 00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:17,689 Speaker 1: feel guilt to feel like a lot of blame is involved. 559 00:23:17,690 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: When you cut off a friendship, 560 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,030 Speaker 1: how can we better manage this situation, 561 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,129 Speaker 2: cutting our friends? 562 00:23:22,140 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: How can we better manage the situation of breaking up 563 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,530 Speaker 1: with a friend? Like, I don't think your guy friend 564 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:31,659 Speaker 1: did things very well, he could have executed things in 565 00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:33,270 Speaker 1: a better fashion, 566 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:35,260 Speaker 1: which he didn't, unfortunately, 567 00:23:35,270 --> 00:23:37,650 Speaker 2: I think the fact that he was upfront with her 568 00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:40,690 Speaker 2: and told her, you know, this is what is going on. 569 00:23:40,690 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 2: I think that is the way to go someone even 570 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,379 Speaker 2: in a relationship context, you know, relationship is easy to 571 00:23:47,380 --> 00:23:49,150 Speaker 2: break up because he said I break up with you now, 572 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 2: but friendship is like, you know, not here and not there, 573 00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:54,159 Speaker 2: I think being honest, and if this friend is important 574 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,700 Speaker 2: enough to you communicate why you have to end this friendship, 575 00:23:56,710 --> 00:23:59,370 Speaker 1: okay? So you're saying because he took the first step 576 00:23:59,369 --> 00:24:01,109 Speaker 1: to say, hey, I think we have to cut all 577 00:24:01,109 --> 00:24:03,260 Speaker 1: contact that's being responsible of him 578 00:24:03,260 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 2: rather than ignore her for six months and then stop 579 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,750 Speaker 2: contacting her altogether. That she'd be thinking like what did 580 00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:10,709 Speaker 2: I do, what's wrong? What happened here? That's true, that's 581 00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:12,870 Speaker 1: true, that's true. I never saw things from that point 582 00:24:12,869 --> 00:24:13,300 Speaker 1: of view, 583 00:24:13,310 --> 00:24:16,470 Speaker 2: but would you try and rekindle this relationship for sure. 584 00:24:16,470 --> 00:24:19,540 Speaker 2: I think we're always there. This wasn't one to come back. 585 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:20,669 Speaker 1: The wife is listening, 586 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:21,810 Speaker 2: don't 587 00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:26,760 Speaker 1: okay, so here 588 00:24:27,140 --> 00:24:29,419 Speaker 1: I want to share some tips, okay for us to 589 00:24:29,420 --> 00:24:31,929 Speaker 1: better manage the entire situation of breaking up a friend. 590 00:24:31,940 --> 00:24:33,940 Speaker 1: First of all, do not blame yourself and that goes 591 00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:35,810 Speaker 1: to your guy friend as well, Okay? You have had 592 00:24:35,810 --> 00:24:38,430 Speaker 1: valid reasons and you choose to stand by your wife, 593 00:24:38,430 --> 00:24:42,170 Speaker 1: which we all respect, secondly, understand that people grow apart. 594 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,700 Speaker 1: You are no longer suitable as friends or can no 595 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:47,360 Speaker 1: longer be as close as before and that's fully okay, 596 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,710 Speaker 1: don't blame yourself for that. 597 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,439 Speaker 2: And lastly it's okay if let's say you try and 598 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,820 Speaker 2: have a conversation with them and you don't get any closure, 599 00:24:53,830 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 2: it's okay. You know how you can't control other people, 600 00:24:57,250 --> 00:24:59,659 Speaker 2: you can't like force them to give you closure. All 601 00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:01,670 Speaker 2: you can do is heal yourself and move on, 602 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,590 Speaker 1: right? And this applies to relationships as well. 603 00:25:03,590 --> 00:25:07,140 Speaker 2: That's true. Yes, correct. But I think I move on 604 00:25:07,140 --> 00:25:10,150 Speaker 2: too quickly how that's a good thing or a bad thing. 605 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,050 Speaker 1: I understand what you mean because I feel like I'm 606 00:25:12,050 --> 00:25:14,940 Speaker 1: like that's not so sentimental in 607 00:25:14,940 --> 00:25:18,330 Speaker 2: terms of like I may love you. Like even in 608 00:25:18,330 --> 00:25:21,109 Speaker 2: friendships we can be like, you know the closest and anything, 609 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,670 Speaker 2: but if something happens and you decide to walk, 610 00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:25,070 Speaker 2: I will not look back 611 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,460 Speaker 1: correct. But that's the entire point of this episode, it's 612 00:25:27,470 --> 00:25:28,940 Speaker 1: okay to move on. 613 00:25:28,950 --> 00:25:31,250 Speaker 2: I'm still trying not to take things too personally. Like 614 00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:33,670 Speaker 2: when people cut off relationships with me, I get very 615 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,460 Speaker 2: angry and we won't okay, I'm not gonna cut off 616 00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:40,110 Speaker 2: my relationship with you, but I get very angry and 617 00:25:40,109 --> 00:25:43,350 Speaker 2: I'm still trying to rationalize even till now some friendships 618 00:25:43,350 --> 00:25:43,959 Speaker 2: that I have, 619 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,270 Speaker 2: I'm rationalizing why and should I even bother? Like when 620 00:25:47,270 --> 00:25:49,420 Speaker 2: they reach out back to me, I feel salty, you know, 621 00:25:49,420 --> 00:25:50,940 Speaker 2: like I don't want to reach out back to them, 622 00:25:50,950 --> 00:25:53,390 Speaker 1: but I think you mentioned just now as well, they 623 00:25:53,390 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 1: may be going through a tough time that you don't 624 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:56,859 Speaker 1: know about, 625 00:25:56,869 --> 00:26:00,409 Speaker 2: you know, don't use my own advice back. Yes, mom. 626 00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:01,510 Speaker 2: So 627 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,470 Speaker 1: maybe give them some mental space. Give them some time 628 00:26:04,470 --> 00:26:07,130 Speaker 1: because time will really heal everything. And then when you 629 00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:08,670 Speaker 1: rekindle that kind of relationship, 630 00:26:08,740 --> 00:26:11,429 Speaker 1: who knows? You may be stronger than before. That's true, right? 631 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,660 Speaker 2: That's true. Yeah. So the friends that you guys have 632 00:26:13,660 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 2: in your lives, right? 633 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,419 Speaker 2: What makes you happy about those friendships? 634 00:26:17,430 --> 00:26:20,250 Speaker 1: Okay, let me come on one example, apart from us, 635 00:26:20,250 --> 00:26:22,490 Speaker 1: harsh goals. I think a group of friends that I'm 636 00:26:22,490 --> 00:26:24,810 Speaker 1: really thankful to have is my t t well, gang 637 00:26:24,820 --> 00:26:28,770 Speaker 1: the niece staying and kaylee because I don't know what 638 00:26:28,770 --> 00:26:31,290 Speaker 1: form this relationship man. But when the four of us 639 00:26:31,290 --> 00:26:32,459 Speaker 1: got together, it's like 640 00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:35,040 Speaker 1: we can really vibe and we can really click and 641 00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:36,990 Speaker 1: our values are the same. So that's what I'm saying, 642 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,770 Speaker 1: friend scape like for every stage of your life, you 643 00:26:39,770 --> 00:26:42,740 Speaker 1: need different group of friends. And when I'm in this career, 644 00:26:42,750 --> 00:26:46,530 Speaker 1: we just serve each other's purposes. We love to dance together. 645 00:26:46,530 --> 00:26:49,090 Speaker 1: We work hard together. We go to events together. We 646 00:26:49,090 --> 00:26:51,210 Speaker 1: take photos for each other. We have fun while we're 647 00:26:51,210 --> 00:26:53,760 Speaker 1: at it. And this to me is a very, very 648 00:26:53,940 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 1: fulfilling kind of friendship. 649 00:26:55,770 --> 00:26:56,660 Speaker 2: You're aligned. 650 00:26:56,670 --> 00:26:59,859 Speaker 1: Yes, we're aligned and we can, we can focus on 651 00:26:59,869 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 1: ourselves apart from each other. You know, during the pandemic, 652 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,990 Speaker 1: we could go by like months without talking to each 653 00:27:05,990 --> 00:27:08,620 Speaker 1: other and then when the pandemic happened, we can meet 654 00:27:08,630 --> 00:27:11,410 Speaker 1: up on zoom for a zoom workout and that kind 655 00:27:11,410 --> 00:27:14,270 Speaker 1: of thing is a very healthy kind of friendship, which 656 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,350 Speaker 1: I treasure so much from day 1 to 657 00:27:16,350 --> 00:27:20,370 Speaker 2: know, I love when friendships build you up and like 658 00:27:20,369 --> 00:27:23,050 Speaker 2: when your friends compliment you and support you and want 659 00:27:23,050 --> 00:27:25,680 Speaker 2: you to achieve your dreams and goes genuinely I have 660 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 2: this friend, like I've been friends with her since sec one. 661 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,540 Speaker 2: So we've been friends for like 14, 15 662 00:27:30,540 --> 00:27:31,169 Speaker 1: years, you know? 663 00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:34,919 Speaker 2: Andrea yeah, so we've been friends forever, right? And it's 664 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:35,859 Speaker 1: very good coffee. 665 00:27:35,869 --> 00:27:37,490 Speaker 2: She's wearing her missile butter. 666 00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:41,020 Speaker 1: Oh my God, so good. Oh my gosh, She's 667 00:27:41,030 --> 00:27:43,980 Speaker 2: The kind of friend that in the last 15 years, right? 668 00:27:43,990 --> 00:27:46,440 Speaker 2: We don't hang out every week or even every month. 669 00:27:46,450 --> 00:27:49,250 Speaker 2: But she's always there when I need her. I'm always 670 00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,360 Speaker 2: there when she needs me. She will always tell me 671 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,560 Speaker 2: very lovely things and I'll do the same for her. 672 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,690 Speaker 2: Like we are right or die. That's why we call 673 00:27:55,690 --> 00:27:58,780 Speaker 1: it cute. That's nice. I can tell she's a good 674 00:27:58,780 --> 00:28:00,560 Speaker 1: friend because we went over to surprise you for your 675 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:05,500 Speaker 1: birthday one particular year. She really like talked to us, 676 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: like focus on us as if we were her friends. 677 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 2: She genuinely wanted to, you know, have good relations with 678 00:28:11,530 --> 00:28:12,600 Speaker 2: other friends in my life. 679 00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: That's right. So 680 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,120 Speaker 1: it makes you feel respected and I think that's a very, 681 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,730 Speaker 1: very nice thing to do as a friend. Oh 682 00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 2: sweet. Yeah. I think friendships are very important to me 683 00:28:21,770 --> 00:28:25,440 Speaker 2: because you know only child, small family. So I knew 684 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,500 Speaker 2: from an early age that you know friends are sort 685 00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,450 Speaker 2: of like the family that you choose for yourself for me, right? 686 00:28:30,450 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 2: It feels like 687 00:28:31,940 --> 00:28:34,859 Speaker 2: if I have at least five people I know I 688 00:28:34,859 --> 00:28:37,750 Speaker 2: can call it any point like any time of the 689 00:28:37,750 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 2: day who would come to me and tell me like 690 00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,180 Speaker 2: whatever your decision is that will pick up the pieces 691 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:45,060 Speaker 2: with you. I feel successful you know I feel like 692 00:28:45,060 --> 00:28:46,060 Speaker 2: that's enough for me. 693 00:28:46,070 --> 00:28:47,650 Speaker 1: Do you have the five people you 694 00:28:47,650 --> 00:28:51,460 Speaker 2: have? Okay actually on the flip side right we need 695 00:28:51,460 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 2: to have five people in her life that we can 696 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:53,850 Speaker 2: call to wake her up. 697 00:28:53,860 --> 00:28:57,630 Speaker 1: Yes, I have already just got her mother's number and 698 00:28:57,630 --> 00:28:58,020 Speaker 1: I have 699 00:28:58,330 --> 00:28:59,170 Speaker 2: the number 700 00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:01,830 Speaker 1: tonight. We need to find out what her landline. Your 701 00:29:01,830 --> 00:29:04,460 Speaker 2: landline. Yes, please call us so we can save it. 702 00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 2: And then you also have friends like this will make 703 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,570 Speaker 2: sure I wake up and get my ass there on time. 704 00:29:09,580 --> 00:29:10,270 Speaker 2: I tell 705 00:29:10,270 --> 00:29:10,830 Speaker 1: you 706 00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 2: a lot of people just won't bother you know? But 707 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 2: like yes and like when he says like sorry for Nagy, 708 00:29:17,410 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 2: I'm like no I'm sorry thank you for carrying it 709 00:29:19,930 --> 00:29:20,990 Speaker 1: and not get hurt too much. 710 00:29:20,990 --> 00:29:23,350 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no if you don't you don't care. 711 00:29:23,540 --> 00:29:26,390 Speaker 1: Yeah. But yeah, I really think that's what friends are 712 00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:28,830 Speaker 1: for and Zora and jimmy has been through so much 713 00:29:28,830 --> 00:29:33,650 Speaker 1: my ship especially last year terrible, terrible but thank you 714 00:29:33,650 --> 00:29:34,660 Speaker 1: for being there for me. I 715 00:29:34,670 --> 00:29:36,989 Speaker 2: look at you now. Thank you. We will always be 716 00:29:36,990 --> 00:29:38,770 Speaker 2: here to tell you that you look great. 717 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,490 Speaker 2: You're amazing and you are deserving of love. 718 00:29:41,490 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 1: No, literally just before recording this podcast, I was telling 719 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,530 Speaker 1: them I'm pretty stressed about this upcoming program that I 720 00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:47,170 Speaker 1: have to host 721 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:49,670 Speaker 1: and they're like, no, you did great, you did great. 722 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,730 Speaker 1: And like gave me so many words of affirmation that 723 00:29:52,730 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: I believe that I'm the best host now. You 724 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:59,020 Speaker 2: are you not feel me? Who else actually 725 00:29:59,030 --> 00:29:59,450 Speaker 1: living 726 00:29:59,450 --> 00:30:00,260 Speaker 2: proof? 727 00:30:00,940 --> 00:30:04,240 Speaker 2: Okay. Any last thoughts, you know for our listeners listening 728 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,550 Speaker 2: in that may be considering cutting off a friend, 729 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,610 Speaker 1: right? I think we have mentioned this like throughout the 730 00:30:09,620 --> 00:30:13,390 Speaker 1: entire episode, it's okay to cut off your friends at 731 00:30:13,390 --> 00:30:16,240 Speaker 1: some point in life and it's okay to rekindle with 732 00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,370 Speaker 1: them at other points in life when you feel like 733 00:30:18,370 --> 00:30:20,950 Speaker 1: the time is right. I think the four key words, 734 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 1: the time is right. 735 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: You know there's always a timing for everything in chinese 736 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:26,960 Speaker 1: we call this 737 00:30:28,740 --> 00:30:32,750 Speaker 2: who better chinese. I also don't know what to say. 738 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: So everything was aligned. 739 00:30:34,450 --> 00:30:39,250 Speaker 2: Right? Okay. I think that you know if something big 740 00:30:39,250 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 2: happened for example like 741 00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:43,660 Speaker 2: something happened in your friendship that's sort of like blew up, right? 742 00:30:43,740 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 2: And if you take that as a point to walk 743 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,590 Speaker 2: away then just walk away and don't look back If 744 00:30:48,590 --> 00:30:51,710 Speaker 2: you know you rekindle like in future, find sure if 745 00:30:51,710 --> 00:30:54,320 Speaker 2: nothing really happened, but you just feel like it's not 746 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 2: serving you anything anymore that you can't give anything to 747 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 2: it anymore or that you just have to walk away 748 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 2: from it. I think maybe do it nicely. I think 749 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,650 Speaker 2: you have compassion, you have 750 00:31:05,650 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 1: compassion but 751 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,550 Speaker 2: correct, correct. I think when you walk away from a friendship, 752 00:31:10,550 --> 00:31:13,010 Speaker 2: that's a very deliberate act, you know, you need to 753 00:31:13,010 --> 00:31:16,280 Speaker 2: understand why you walking away, what have you learned from 754 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,260 Speaker 2: this friendship? Good or bad process your own feelings so 755 00:31:19,260 --> 00:31:20,820 Speaker 2: that you don't end up in the same kind of 756 00:31:20,820 --> 00:31:23,660 Speaker 2: friendship cycle again, understand and learn, you know, 757 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,050 Speaker 2: why are you really walking away? 758 00:31:26,060 --> 00:31:28,590 Speaker 1: And as with all other episodes I still want to 759 00:31:28,590 --> 00:31:32,030 Speaker 1: emphasize on this again, always put yourself first because only 760 00:31:32,030 --> 00:31:33,860 Speaker 1: when you love yourself, you can love others 761 00:31:33,870 --> 00:31:38,690 Speaker 2: Pre triple but you know, at the end of the day, 762 00:31:38,690 --> 00:31:40,870 Speaker 2: I also feel like a lot of people are talking 763 00:31:40,870 --> 00:31:43,360 Speaker 2: about you know, low maintenance friendship and things like that 764 00:31:43,370 --> 00:31:46,190 Speaker 2: and I think that if your friend doesn't respond as 765 00:31:46,190 --> 00:31:48,680 Speaker 2: quickly if they can't be there the way they were 766 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:49,960 Speaker 2: there for you 10 years ago. 767 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,790 Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that they don't want to be there, 768 00:31:51,790 --> 00:31:55,550 Speaker 2: maybe they just don't have the capacity and that's ok. 769 00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,709 Speaker 2: They may have two kids running around, you know screaming 770 00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,840 Speaker 2: screaming or they may be hazel, you know trying to 771 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,560 Speaker 2: get to four places at the same time. 772 00:32:04,740 --> 00:32:06,850 Speaker 2: Hey, but hazel still replies, I tell you at the 773 00:32:06,850 --> 00:32:08,700 Speaker 2: end of the night, she may reply at two AM 774 00:32:08,700 --> 00:32:09,880 Speaker 2: three AM, but she's still, I'm 775 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:13,260 Speaker 1: telling you, they have 306 100 unread chats in my WhatsApp. 776 00:32:13,270 --> 00:32:16,930 Speaker 1: Let me check. 12, which I will get to later 777 00:32:16,930 --> 00:32:18,540 Speaker 1: on when I have time, 778 00:32:18,550 --> 00:32:19,730 Speaker 2: I've got people waiting for years. 779 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: One of them is listening to the podcast. 780 00:32:24,340 --> 00:32:27,420 Speaker 1: So you spoke about low maintenance friendship. So here's the question, 781 00:32:27,430 --> 00:32:29,380 Speaker 1: how can you tell if someone is trying to ghost 782 00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:34,870 Speaker 1: you or someone just trying to maintain a low maintenance relationship? 783 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:36,170 Speaker 1: Maybe you can tell the difference. 784 00:32:36,170 --> 00:32:39,850 Speaker 2: Maybe my awareness level very low, maybe you cannot tell, 785 00:32:39,860 --> 00:32:42,540 Speaker 2: maybe I think everything is just low maintenance. Oh 786 00:32:42,550 --> 00:32:44,270 Speaker 1: my God, when you're trying to go to you and 787 00:32:44,270 --> 00:32:46,260 Speaker 1: you don't know best. No, 788 00:32:46,260 --> 00:32:51,210 Speaker 2: Like I think when you ghost someone you can feel 789 00:32:51,210 --> 00:32:53,830 Speaker 2: the negativity, that's the difference, right? 790 00:32:53,830 --> 00:32:56,370 Speaker 1: And you can feel like the one word replies, they 791 00:32:56,370 --> 00:32:58,370 Speaker 1: don't want to talk to you, 792 00:32:58,380 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 2: you're not happy for you and I think it depends 793 00:33:01,450 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 2: on who it is as well and the kind of connection, 794 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 2: the kind of things you've been through together. Like you 795 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:07,560 Speaker 2: just know, 796 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,229 Speaker 2: I think the easiest thing is, you know, if it's 797 00:33:10,230 --> 00:33:12,740 Speaker 2: a low maintenance friendship, you still meet up every once 798 00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:15,920 Speaker 2: in a while, if you're initiating a meet up constantly 799 00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,180 Speaker 2: over a period of like six months and they still 800 00:33:18,180 --> 00:33:23,910 Speaker 2: don't reciprocate. I think they're ghosting. They blew you're ghosting, correct, correct. 801 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:25,360 Speaker 2: Sorry if I blew take you I'll get 802 00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:27,540 Speaker 2: Do it at some point. She will not three 803 00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:29,020 Speaker 1: 100 plus chats. Are you kidding? 804 00:33:29,020 --> 00:33:31,590 Speaker 2: She'll get to you in 2025. So just wait okay 805 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,160 Speaker 1: longer than your B. T. O. 806 00:33:34,170 --> 00:33:37,640 Speaker 2: So in conclusion, I think if you're trying to rekindle 807 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:39,830 Speaker 2: a friendship that's great on you, but make sure you 808 00:33:39,830 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 2: have healed from your past hurt and so has your 809 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,470 Speaker 2: friend I think take it easy, take it slow and 810 00:33:45,470 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 2: walk into it without much expectations. Open mind, open mind 811 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 2: because you know if years have passed 812 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 2: you may be in a different place. That person may 813 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:55,610 Speaker 2: also be in a different place through 814 00:33:55,620 --> 00:33:57,960 Speaker 1: my words of advisor. Do it. 815 00:33:58,340 --> 00:34:00,950 Speaker 1: But read the signs. If you can tell that this 816 00:34:00,950 --> 00:34:04,390 Speaker 1: person is once again trying to ghost you then you know, 817 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,500 Speaker 1: maybe it's time to take a step back for good. 818 00:34:06,510 --> 00:34:06,700 Speaker 1: I 819 00:34:06,700 --> 00:34:08,339 Speaker 2: just want to say if I've ghosted you, it's not 820 00:34:08,340 --> 00:34:10,700 Speaker 2: my intention to I just replied in my mind, you 821 00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:13,569 Speaker 2: know when I read it, I replied in my mind yeah, 822 00:34:13,580 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 2: then one year later. 823 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,089 Speaker 2: Oh I didn't actually reply 824 00:34:16,100 --> 00:34:20,010 Speaker 1: oh my goodness girl, I gotta have a talk with 825 00:34:20,010 --> 00:34:22,460 Speaker 1: them right now. Okay. But before that once again I'm 826 00:34:22,460 --> 00:34:27,109 Speaker 1: hazel catch us on instagram at its clarity dot co 827 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:31,530 Speaker 2: Listen to us on me. listen 25 Apple podcasts and 828 00:34:31,530 --> 00:34:34,290 Speaker 2: turn on the notification to know when a new episode drops. 829 00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 1: Uh huh. And we'll catch you on the next episode 830 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,760 Speaker 1: of clarity's stay 831 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:44,060 Speaker 1: by. We need to talk.