1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,750 Speaker 1: Hey Sizzle 2 00:00:00,890 --> 00:00:02,290 Speaker 2: zero and remain and 3 00:00:02,290 --> 00:00:05,170 Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of calamities. 4 00:00:06,830 --> 00:00:08,910 Speaker 1: Okay girls remember there was this episode where we talked 5 00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:11,090 Speaker 1: about traveling with friends and how it can make or 6 00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:13,620 Speaker 1: break your friendship. Well that really got like a lot 7 00:00:13,620 --> 00:00:18,470 Speaker 1: of comments from people listening to us podcast on social media. Now, 8 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,669 Speaker 1: today we are going to talk about bad friends in general, 9 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: Oh have you girls ever had like a bad friend 10 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:25,790 Speaker 1: in your life who 11 00:00:25,790 --> 00:00:27,670 Speaker 2: hasn't had a bad friend in their life? I think 12 00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 2: you come across so many people. It's just whether you 13 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,650 Speaker 2: recognize that they are a bad friend or not. And when, 14 00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 2: how long it takes you to recognize. 15 00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:36,790 Speaker 1: So a question for the floor was 16 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: there's a time when a friend made you feel unhappy 17 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: or bad about yourself. 18 00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 2: What? Of course 19 00:00:41,729 --> 00:00:42,580 Speaker 1: when was that? 20 00:00:42,590 --> 00:00:46,820 Speaker 2: I think I've spoken spoken about this friend before, but 21 00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:51,779 Speaker 2: um they made me feel like I wasn't worthy of 22 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,930 Speaker 2: their friendship. The things that they say, you know when 23 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:57,190 Speaker 2: they scold you or when they say that, you know, 24 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 2: you're so fucked up or you screwed up or how 25 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 2: can you do it like that? Yeah, that makes you 26 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,270 Speaker 2: feel really bad about 27 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:05,210 Speaker 1: yourself. That's so unfortunate to hear. What about you, Sarah? 28 00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: I 29 00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:06,740 Speaker 2: can't seem to 30 00:01:06,770 --> 00:01:09,460 Speaker 2: think of anything off the top of my head 31 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,190 Speaker 1: because you're someone who lets all the negative things just 32 00:01:12,190 --> 00:01:14,119 Speaker 1: go like that, you know, I really believe, I really 33 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,400 Speaker 1: believe you wouldn't remember if someone was ever back to 34 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 2: you. That's true. What about you? Hate 35 00:01:18,450 --> 00:01:22,170 Speaker 1: for me? I think thankfully was in the time when 36 00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:25,149 Speaker 1: I was in secondary school, I've mentioned this way too 37 00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:26,870 Speaker 1: many times when I was in the period of trying 38 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:29,310 Speaker 1: to fit in the cool kids and stuff and I 39 00:01:29,310 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: felt like this bunch of people they weren't really made 40 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:34,270 Speaker 1: for me back then. You know we were in this 41 00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:36,740 Speaker 1: phase of like rebelliousness and stuff like that. 42 00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,670 Speaker 1: Um I felt like they made me feel very unworthy 43 00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: of myself and no matter how hard I tried to 44 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,770 Speaker 1: prove myself to them that I'm worthy to be cool 45 00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:47,319 Speaker 1: and ship it just didn't work out and I just 46 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: went home every day feeling so dejected and just thinking 47 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: so hard about how I can be cooler. You're 48 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 2: very cool. Look at you now 49 00:01:54,890 --> 00:01:55,980 Speaker 1: thank you the coolest. 50 00:01:55,990 --> 00:01:58,130 Speaker 2: Well 51 00:01:58,140 --> 00:01:58,620 Speaker 1: so 52 00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:02,700 Speaker 1: you know this former Oxford psychology professor, his name is 53 00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:06,910 Speaker 1: Robin dumba. He describes the physical benefits of friendship and 54 00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: this is interesting because I never knew friendship can have 55 00:02:09,610 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 1: physical benefits, 56 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,450 Speaker 2: physical benefits other 57 00:02:12,450 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: than friends with benefits. 58 00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:19,580 Speaker 1: Okay, so what kind of physical benefits can you have 59 00:02:19,580 --> 00:02:23,250 Speaker 1: from friendship? The calming effect you feel as endorphins are 60 00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 1: released on social interaction with your best year as well 61 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: as the positive effects such close bonds have on the 62 00:02:29,490 --> 00:02:32,590 Speaker 1: immune system, which means if you have a strong friendship, 63 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,790 Speaker 1: your immune system we better. 64 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,300 Speaker 2: I'm coughing guys, how 65 00:02:36,860 --> 00:02:37,790 Speaker 2: that means 66 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:38,700 Speaker 1: we are not good enough 67 00:02:38,710 --> 00:02:41,380 Speaker 2: for you. He even said that a connection of this 68 00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:44,310 Speaker 2: kind of very good friendship is the best antidepressant you 69 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,419 Speaker 2: can get and I actually had a very great experience 70 00:02:46,419 --> 00:02:48,419 Speaker 2: last night. So one of my friends is going away 71 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,570 Speaker 2: for a month and when she came over, she was 72 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,850 Speaker 2: in a mess, she had a mental breakdown. She herself 73 00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:55,810 Speaker 2: is on antidepressants, but after spending an hour with me, 74 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:58,549 Speaker 2: she was like, I'm calm, I'm zen I can go 75 00:02:58,550 --> 00:02:59,959 Speaker 2: thank you so much for your 76 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,970 Speaker 2: company in your words. I feel completely okay now 77 00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:05,790 Speaker 1: because jimmy is a very good friend, she's a good listener, 78 00:03:05,790 --> 00:03:05,910 Speaker 1: you 79 00:03:05,910 --> 00:03:08,520 Speaker 2: know, correct. But I also feel like you need that 80 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 2: kind of people around you, you know, because at the 81 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,710 Speaker 2: end of the day, like we've mentioned before maybe I 82 00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:16,370 Speaker 2: think you know you are the average of the five 83 00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:18,220 Speaker 2: closest to you or the fact that you spend the 84 00:03:18,220 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 2: most time with. 85 00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:21,830 Speaker 1: So have you girls ever called out a friend for 86 00:03:21,830 --> 00:03:23,100 Speaker 1: the bad behavior? 87 00:03:23,590 --> 00:03:27,520 Speaker 2: I've tried to, so this was the same friend group, right? 88 00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:30,019 Speaker 2: So when I, when I got out of a relationship 89 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 2: because the guy was friends with them first. So everyone 90 00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:36,860 Speaker 2: piled on me because I moved on first. So everyone 91 00:03:36,860 --> 00:03:38,890 Speaker 2: piled on me and said like how can you do that? 92 00:03:38,890 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 2: I can do that to him and I tried to 93 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,730 Speaker 2: call them out. I tried to say that's really unfair 94 00:03:42,730 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 2: to me, you know, because we are also friends, but 95 00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:47,700 Speaker 2: everyone is going up against me, but when 96 00:03:47,715 --> 00:03:50,375 Speaker 2: they're in a group, right, you feel so helpless and 97 00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:52,895 Speaker 2: weak as one person. So I decided to cut them 98 00:03:52,895 --> 00:03:55,395 Speaker 1: off. Good on you. What will you do? I 99 00:03:55,395 --> 00:03:58,155 Speaker 2: feel like when you tell me something that let's say 100 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,975 Speaker 2: I disagree with, even if I disagree with that, I'll 101 00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:02,725 Speaker 2: tell you what I think about it, but I'll never 102 00:04:02,725 --> 00:04:03,235 Speaker 1: tell you 103 00:04:03,245 --> 00:04:06,535 Speaker 2: what I think you should do. I will still be 104 00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:10,415 Speaker 2: your friend whatever choice you choose. But I'm that person 105 00:04:10,415 --> 00:04:11,835 Speaker 2: who would rather 106 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 2: I think just listen unless it's really severe, I'll try 107 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 2: to call you out. But even then I try and 108 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:20,410 Speaker 2: cushion it. 109 00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:23,179 Speaker 1: But what if this friend is like talking behind your back, 110 00:04:23,190 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: your 111 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,830 Speaker 2: problem? You're behind me. All correct. Actually. I had a 112 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:30,330 Speaker 2: an ex friend recently that I had to call out 113 00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:35,430 Speaker 2: for his toxic behavior. It's very complicated. But he was 114 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:39,669 Speaker 2: treating me very shitty okay. And I actually called him 115 00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,710 Speaker 2: out and I said that you've changed. I don't know 116 00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:43,679 Speaker 2: who you are anymore, but you're a different person. 117 00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 2: And the way that you've been treating me is so terrible. 118 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,570 Speaker 2: Like you put me in a very dark hole and 119 00:04:48,570 --> 00:04:52,020 Speaker 2: I found out that this person not only is not 120 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:55,039 Speaker 2: like regretful of their actions but went behind my back 121 00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 2: to talk to my other friends about this whole situation 122 00:04:57,810 --> 00:04:59,590 Speaker 2: to try and gain some sympathy. 123 00:04:59,820 --> 00:05:03,350 Speaker 2: Yeah. Which really sucks. But thankfully when your friends have 124 00:05:03,350 --> 00:05:06,150 Speaker 2: your back, they have your back. Yeah. So I'm just 125 00:05:06,150 --> 00:05:08,430 Speaker 2: happy that all my friends came back to tell me 126 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,650 Speaker 2: he said this and this and this. But don't worry, 127 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,750 Speaker 2: I got your back. Yeah, 128 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,010 Speaker 1: that's so sweet. But coming to that point was a 129 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:18,260 Speaker 1: conversation not possible. Like did he not bring to 130 00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:20,690 Speaker 1: the table what he was feeling at that point in time? 131 00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:23,350 Speaker 2: I feel like he was overcome by a lot of 132 00:05:23,350 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 2: new influences in his life or new people in his 133 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:30,020 Speaker 2: life that were whispering things into his ear. And that 134 00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:31,530 Speaker 2: sort of made it very hard for me to get 135 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 2: through to him that you hurt my feelings. To me 136 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 2: it's like you hurt my feelings. But to him it's 137 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:36,719 Speaker 2: like 138 00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:38,770 Speaker 2: no, but I'm valid in the way that I feel 139 00:05:38,770 --> 00:05:42,330 Speaker 2: then when your both that stubborn, there's no way of reconciling. 140 00:05:42,330 --> 00:05:44,179 Speaker 2: So I've cut this person off 141 00:05:44,190 --> 00:05:46,900 Speaker 1: sometimes. Unfortunately that's the only way to eliminate a person 142 00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:49,450 Speaker 1: and the toxic behavior from your life. Like back to 143 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: my my story in secondary school when I felt like 144 00:05:51,890 --> 00:05:52,600 Speaker 1: I just couldn't fit 145 00:05:52,625 --> 00:05:55,885 Speaker 1: into that group. The only way was to distance myself 146 00:05:55,885 --> 00:05:56,335 Speaker 1: away from 147 00:05:56,335 --> 00:05:57,395 Speaker 2: it, right? Because 148 00:05:57,395 --> 00:05:59,464 Speaker 1: whatever I told them they would not listen in the 149 00:05:59,464 --> 00:06:01,205 Speaker 1: first place, they did not treat me as a friend. 150 00:06:01,214 --> 00:06:04,475 Speaker 1: So this is a one way street and when you're 151 00:06:04,475 --> 00:06:07,325 Speaker 1: facing such a situation, I think sometimes the next best 152 00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,285 Speaker 1: thing is to move on. So what are some indicator 153 00:06:10,285 --> 00:06:12,364 Speaker 1: of telltale signs of a bad friend, 154 00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: we all know that when we're in the friendship, sometimes 155 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,989 Speaker 1: you just don't see that this person is a bad person. 156 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 1: Very much so as when we are in a relationship 157 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:21,570 Speaker 1: sometimes 158 00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:23,420 Speaker 2: because you want to make excuses for them, you want 159 00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:25,300 Speaker 2: to be their friend, right? You want to defend them. 160 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,460 Speaker 2: But sometimes you need like, as as with relationships, you 161 00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 2: need to identify red flags, there reflects and friendships too. 162 00:06:31,370 --> 00:06:34,599 Speaker 2: I think one of the biggest ones that really affects 163 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,650 Speaker 2: me is when a friend like always takes and never 164 00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:38,909 Speaker 2: gives 165 00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:42,170 Speaker 2: it's a very one sided friendship. So you are always 166 00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 2: the one reaching out to have to connect, you're always 167 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,030 Speaker 2: the one having to set up something and this friend 168 00:06:47,029 --> 00:06:50,360 Speaker 2: never ever, you know, gives you that same emotional support 169 00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 2: or you're always asking them checking in how are you? 170 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 2: But they never check in with you. Can I just 171 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,450 Speaker 2: challenge that a little bit because we've spoken about this 172 00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,609 Speaker 2: before as well, right on the last episode about like, friendship, 173 00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:05,350 Speaker 2: what if they're just like overwhelmed with things and 174 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,870 Speaker 2: that at that point in their lives where they have 175 00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 2: no 176 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 1: capacity to be 177 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,390 Speaker 2: able to reach out if it's a period of time, 178 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:14,020 Speaker 2: it's fine, but if it's for your whole friendship, that's 179 00:07:14,020 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 2: not okay, that's a one sided friendship, but 180 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: I know for sure that jimmy is a person, you 181 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,580 Speaker 1: are always the proactive one, You always take steps to 182 00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:21,660 Speaker 1: arrange lunches 183 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,679 Speaker 1: for us, like you know us harsh girls. Do you 184 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:26,540 Speaker 1: ever feel tired of doing so? 185 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 2: Actually not at all. Because the thing is that like 186 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,740 Speaker 2: last week I was you know, I was very out 187 00:07:30,740 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 2: of it. I was feeling very down and both of 188 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,250 Speaker 2: you actually took time out of your day to check 189 00:07:35,250 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 2: in on me and send me like long text. And 190 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: that really 191 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:41,740 Speaker 2: like that really made me 192 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,660 Speaker 2: that really made me feel that like 193 00:07:45,180 --> 00:07:46,460 Speaker 1: baby 194 00:07:46,540 --> 00:07:48,500 Speaker 2: girls are very important in my life and I love 195 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:52,790 Speaker 2: you guys. So we 196 00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:54,010 Speaker 1: got you, 197 00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:54,610 Speaker 2: you always 198 00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:59,230 Speaker 1: always okay. We don't have to tell signs of a 199 00:07:59,230 --> 00:07:59,970 Speaker 1: bad friend. 200 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:04,340 Speaker 2: Also let's say your friend gets into a relationship and 201 00:08:04,340 --> 00:08:05,570 Speaker 2: disappears is that bad? 202 00:08:06,550 --> 00:08:09,180 Speaker 1: I have a very close friend who has done that, 203 00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:12,400 Speaker 1: you know, but I'm okay, I'm okay with that because 204 00:08:12,410 --> 00:08:15,210 Speaker 1: I feel like you need your time in your relationship 205 00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:17,530 Speaker 1: and I'm more than willing more than happy to give 206 00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,610 Speaker 1: you that your 207 00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:19,530 Speaker 2: friend come back. 208 00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:22,870 Speaker 1: Yes. Right after one year she came back. She 209 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,170 Speaker 2: had a lot of fun in that already are still together, 210 00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:28,010 Speaker 1: still together. So it was after the honeymoon period and 211 00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:29,140 Speaker 1: in fact they were very stable 212 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:30,190 Speaker 2: Honeymoon one. You know, better 213 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,940 Speaker 1: not better. I think they actually asked you in the 214 00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:33,599 Speaker 1: honeymoon period 215 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,940 Speaker 2: now. 216 00:08:36,530 --> 00:08:40,810 Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's okay to me, it's okay. 217 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 2: That's what I told my friends, one of her very 218 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,140 Speaker 2: good guy friends completely disappeared after he had a girlfriend 219 00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,829 Speaker 2: and she was very angry. She was like how can 220 00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:49,070 Speaker 2: he do this to me? How can he leave me 221 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,770 Speaker 2: in the lurch? And I said babe don't worry he 222 00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 2: will come back to you. You got to be patient. 223 00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:56,620 Speaker 2: And he really did. And he told his friend saying 224 00:08:56,630 --> 00:08:58,970 Speaker 2: actually G told me this, she told me to be 225 00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:00,110 Speaker 2: patient and her guy 226 00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:02,939 Speaker 2: friend told her well please thank G for me because 227 00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:06,220 Speaker 2: it's true. Yeah. But what if like actually somebody just 228 00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:08,370 Speaker 2: told me about this of which her friend I think 229 00:09:08,370 --> 00:09:11,030 Speaker 2: was in a relationship and then like it was a 230 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,690 Speaker 2: pretty long relationship with talking like 23 years 34 years 231 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 2: disappeared for the entire time. Uh Really didn't come back. 232 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:20,020 Speaker 1: Oh but some people really like that 233 00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:23,730 Speaker 2: they get wrapped up in the love 234 00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 1: But after 34 years this person comes back. Would you 235 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,940 Speaker 1: still accept him or however different? 236 00:09:29,950 --> 00:09:35,110 Speaker 2: Yes. Like test test yeah they'll still be there like 237 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: you know as a friend is okay but maybe not 238 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,829 Speaker 1: as a bestie or whatever. That's 239 00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:40,130 Speaker 2: how close you were before. That 240 00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:42,300 Speaker 1: Very very close. For example then yeah 241 00:09:42,309 --> 00:09:42,690 Speaker 2: of course 242 00:09:42,705 --> 00:09:45,005 Speaker 2: I would accept this person back. But all the more 243 00:09:45,005 --> 00:09:47,915 Speaker 2: so it feels like if you're so close, how can 244 00:09:47,915 --> 00:09:49,564 Speaker 2: you disappear for that long? 245 00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:50,785 Speaker 1: You have to 246 00:09:50,785 --> 00:09:53,165 Speaker 2: know you have to be, you have to be fair 247 00:09:53,165 --> 00:09:55,594 Speaker 2: sometimes like let's say this is their first true true 248 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,045 Speaker 2: love and they never experienced that before. That you get 249 00:09:58,045 --> 00:09:59,795 Speaker 2: wrapped up in it. You want to spend all your 250 00:09:59,795 --> 00:10:03,429 Speaker 2: time with this person. Maybe not that but 251 00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:07,709 Speaker 2: Okay. 252 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,020 Speaker 1: Jimmy Azra was in a relationship now like honeymoon period 253 00:10:11,020 --> 00:10:12,220 Speaker 2: for example. Do 254 00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: we think she would disappear? 255 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 1: Would she disappear 256 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,689 Speaker 2: from the friendship? No she would never because values friends 257 00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:25,660 Speaker 2: over relationships or equally anywhere. Hello. Your friends close? 258 00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:29,750 Speaker 1: Okay. Okay. What about if Jeremy today she was in 259 00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:32,890 Speaker 1: a relationship honeymoon period. Do we think should disappear? 260 00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:34,940 Speaker 2: No, never find 261 00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 2: that is 262 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: true. That is true. You 263 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,730 Speaker 2: know where to find me? Yeah. 264 00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:41,580 Speaker 1: After hours or 265 00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:43,060 Speaker 2: so. 266 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 2: I think another kind of friend, right? That is a 267 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,650 Speaker 2: bad friend is someone that you trust. You told them 268 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:52,110 Speaker 2: your deepest darkest secrets. Then you found out that they 269 00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:55,089 Speaker 2: and they told other people you 270 00:10:55,090 --> 00:10:57,349 Speaker 1: thought this person was a good friend. Yes. And then 271 00:10:57,350 --> 00:10:58,550 Speaker 1: he or she gonna do this behind back. 272 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,219 Speaker 2: I'm feeling a bit like is it I'm just super 273 00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:03,410 Speaker 2: unaware or maybe I'm just super naive 274 00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,650 Speaker 1: because you've never experienced this happened to you or maybe 275 00:11:05,650 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 2: I just really don't care. I don't know. Maybe you 276 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,050 Speaker 2: just have good friends cannot be also good. Maybe you 277 00:11:11,050 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 2: are the bad friend. 278 00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 2: Right? 279 00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:19,270 Speaker 1: Okay. So she has this ever happened to you? This 280 00:11:19,270 --> 00:11:22,530 Speaker 1: happened to our producer. So during the party um the 281 00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:24,580 Speaker 1: friends like this drinking game and there were a couple 282 00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:27,100 Speaker 1: of new people and then when her turn came the 283 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,790 Speaker 1: game prompted her with what is your body count, which 284 00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: is how 285 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,170 Speaker 2: many people you slept with? 286 00:11:31,179 --> 00:11:32,820 Speaker 1: I don't even know what that is the thing. Okay. 287 00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:36,380 Speaker 1: But before this producer could answer her friend shouted, 288 00:11:36,510 --> 00:11:38,610 Speaker 1: I a she cannot answer this last. She's a virgin 289 00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:42,250 Speaker 1: where your body count. And the producer is like what? 290 00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:45,010 Speaker 1: So she told this friend that it was one of 291 00:11:45,010 --> 00:11:48,959 Speaker 1: the biggest insecurities and she's embarrassed of it. So for 292 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,530 Speaker 1: this friend to share this publicly in with new friends, 293 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:53,429 Speaker 2: right? Can 294 00:11:53,429 --> 00:11:55,650 Speaker 1: you imagine how much of a bitch that friend must be? 295 00:11:55,660 --> 00:11:57,860 Speaker 1: I would be so hurt and so upset. 296 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,380 Speaker 1: And of course our producer tried to speak with a 297 00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:03,140 Speaker 1: friend about this but she just shut her down and 298 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:06,420 Speaker 1: told her that she was too sensitive and people probably 299 00:12:06,420 --> 00:12:08,350 Speaker 1: don't even remember that part at all. I'm 300 00:12:08,350 --> 00:12:11,030 Speaker 2: sorry. I feel like if they can shoot out things 301 00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 2: like that so easily, they probably never really took you 302 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,290 Speaker 2: seriously in the first place or valued the secrecy of 303 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:18,900 Speaker 2: that currents of information. 304 00:12:18,910 --> 00:12:21,170 Speaker 1: And I feel like this friend is not worth keeping 305 00:12:21,179 --> 00:12:26,270 Speaker 2: producer still friends race. And this one, I know they're 306 00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:27,609 Speaker 2: not friends anymore. 307 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,110 Speaker 2: Well, I think that's valid. Yeah, 308 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 1: I will cut off this friend. You need 309 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,439 Speaker 2: to set your own boundaries really. Even with friendships. That's right, 310 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:34,870 Speaker 2: it's true. 311 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 1: Okay, so another story. Well this one I think may 312 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: happen to people like us. Okay this producer, she has 313 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,220 Speaker 1: a pretty close friend who is not the best at 314 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:47,170 Speaker 1: managing her finances. She doesn't have much savings. She also 315 00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:50,160 Speaker 1: doesn't have a stable job. So there was one time 316 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:53,160 Speaker 1: they had to cancel their air tickets last minute because 317 00:12:53,170 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: her friend could not pay for the trip 318 00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:57,460 Speaker 1: and because you canceled right, there's a fee that you 319 00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,990 Speaker 1: must pay. And she didn't manage to pay our producer 320 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:02,790 Speaker 1: the full some of the money that they lost until 321 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,109 Speaker 1: after more than three years later. 322 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,150 Speaker 2: What? But 323 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,330 Speaker 1: you know within these three years every time they meet 324 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,099 Speaker 1: up with each other, this friend is carrying like a 325 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,110 Speaker 1: new branded back. 326 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:10,950 Speaker 2: Excuse 327 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:14,060 Speaker 1: me. So it makes our producer wonder whether her kindness 328 00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:15,270 Speaker 1: is taken for granted. But is 329 00:13:15,270 --> 00:13:17,540 Speaker 2: it a fake back? How you know that it's real. 330 00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: That is very true. 331 00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:21,820 Speaker 2: You think it's you should have stolen the back. 332 00:13:23,780 --> 00:13:27,240 Speaker 2: It will cover the question, 333 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,470 Speaker 1: how much money did she owe you 334 00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:34,490 Speaker 2: $10 bringing like thousands of dollars. 335 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:35,370 Speaker 2: Why 336 00:13:35,370 --> 00:13:38,619 Speaker 1: are you still friends? Okay. 337 00:13:38,910 --> 00:13:41,500 Speaker 2: I mean sometimes you know you can understand that people 338 00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 2: have financial concerns but if you do then don't commit 339 00:13:44,809 --> 00:13:48,010 Speaker 2: to you know big ticket item like an air ticket. 340 00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:48,910 Speaker 1: Right? Actually it's quite 341 00:13:48,910 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 2: funny because I've heard an exact story before, don't know 342 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,660 Speaker 2: the same friend not but exact 343 00:13:54,675 --> 00:13:57,684 Speaker 2: story of which my friend was supposed to travel with 344 00:13:57,684 --> 00:14:00,505 Speaker 2: his friend and then she pulled out the trip last 345 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:05,085 Speaker 2: minute and then refused to not refused just did not 346 00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:09,025 Speaker 2: pay him back and he kept hounding and it took 347 00:14:09,025 --> 00:14:11,834 Speaker 2: her a long, long, long time. But they were like 348 00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:14,564 Speaker 2: really close. But then after that she just disappeared 349 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,750 Speaker 2: and then like they want to reply, they want to 350 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 2: pay back and then it took them like a really 351 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,840 Speaker 2: long time before like I think I think he came 352 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,670 Speaker 2: to a point like he started threatening and like like hello, 353 00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:26,860 Speaker 2: can you please like, you know because at this one 354 00:14:26,860 --> 00:14:28,900 Speaker 2: they were not friends anymore. And then eventually maybe it 355 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,650 Speaker 2: took like a couple of years before she paid back 356 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 2: as well 357 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: for how much money? 358 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:33,370 Speaker 2: I can't remember a few 100. 359 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:37,980 Speaker 1: Were there not $300 to sacrifice a good friend and friendship. 360 00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: So there's another case where this other producer told us 361 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,420 Speaker 1: that she has a friend who has financial constraints but 362 00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: she's not very calculated. So every time they go out 363 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:49,450 Speaker 1: for coffee should pay to the point that this friend 364 00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:51,990 Speaker 1: takes her for granted. There was even one time they 365 00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:54,450 Speaker 1: went out for a meal and when the bill came 366 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,140 Speaker 1: he passed the meal, the bill to our 367 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,210 Speaker 1: producer services. I'm broke. I'm 368 00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:00,820 Speaker 2: sorry. 369 00:15:00,830 --> 00:15:03,690 Speaker 1: Point when our producer felt like, oh my gosh I'm 370 00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:06,020 Speaker 1: being used and exploited in this friendship. 371 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:09,980 Speaker 2: So I think I understand that you know when you 372 00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:11,940 Speaker 2: go out as friends, right? Let's go out in a 373 00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:14,750 Speaker 2: friend group, right? So we always go out drinking every week. 374 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,280 Speaker 2: It's not fair If just one person always pays for 375 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,380 Speaker 2: the drinks. So every week someone will offer the car, 376 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,650 Speaker 2: but to, you know, the server of the waiter to 377 00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:25,390 Speaker 2: pay for the tray of shots. I think that's 378 00:15:25,390 --> 00:15:26,470 Speaker 1: fair. But how do you keep 379 00:15:26,470 --> 00:15:28,930 Speaker 2: track? I mean, you're not that calculated like how much, 380 00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:31,060 Speaker 2: how much? How much? But you just take turns to 381 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 2: do it. I think that's fair. 382 00:15:32,290 --> 00:15:34,870 Speaker 1: But what if there's one friend in the group who always, 383 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 1: you 384 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:36,070 Speaker 2: know, they're always is 385 00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:37,030 Speaker 1: actually they're 386 00:15:37,030 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 2: always right and 387 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,020 Speaker 1: strong not paying, What 388 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 2: do we do? Don't invite them, 389 00:15:44,230 --> 00:15:44,660 Speaker 1: but 390 00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:47,540 Speaker 2: this doesn't just happen in the club. It happens over like, 391 00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 2: you know me. Yeah. 392 00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,430 Speaker 1: In fact, I feel like jimmy, you're someone who's very generous. 393 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 1: I've realized that through the many occasions that we've had 394 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,050 Speaker 1: like lunches or whatever, she's always the first one to 395 00:15:57,050 --> 00:15:58,590 Speaker 1: weep out her card and say, you know, I'll pay 396 00:15:58,590 --> 00:15:58,850 Speaker 1: for it 397 00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 2: first. But sometimes you slapped me away and then you 398 00:16:00,930 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 2: give your card. 399 00:16:01,570 --> 00:16:02,610 Speaker 1: Yeah, but 400 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,220 Speaker 1: not everybody does that, you know, I feel like that. 401 00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:08,730 Speaker 1: Do you ask them back for the money? Because from 402 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:09,670 Speaker 1: what I know you don't, 403 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,610 Speaker 2: I won't I wouldn't because it will just get the 404 00:16:11,610 --> 00:16:14,420 Speaker 2: next one law because it's friends. Like I wouldn't like, 405 00:16:14,430 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: you know, but if if you pay for it and 406 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,540 Speaker 2: you want to split, I will respect that because this 407 00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:22,010 Speaker 2: is my decision. Do not split right? But if someone 408 00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:24,070 Speaker 2: else wants to split, I won't I won't be salty 409 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,850 Speaker 2: and be like, hey why I take the last bill? 410 00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 2: You never I wouldn't do that. 411 00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 1: Okay, conclusion. G is a good friend. Just 412 00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 2: a good one. 413 00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: Well, another thing Carrie actually taught me this guest lighting 414 00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:36,670 Speaker 1: remember within this 415 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:37,540 Speaker 2: episode with her 416 00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,490 Speaker 1: and then she was like oh the young people now 417 00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:41,780 Speaker 1: they use gas lighting and I was like oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 418 00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:45,010 Speaker 1: But actually I didn't know what gaslighting means. So gaslighting 419 00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:49,390 Speaker 1: people who are dismissive of your thoughts, your feelings and 420 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,930 Speaker 1: invalidates your sentiments. Do we have a friend like that 421 00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:54,460 Speaker 1: actually right 422 00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:59,420 Speaker 2: now I remember talking about the money story. Have a 423 00:16:59,430 --> 00:16:59,989 Speaker 2: depth 424 00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:01,820 Speaker 2: stupid story. 425 00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:02,470 Speaker 1: It's 426 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,689 Speaker 2: ridiculous. Okay so let me tell you. So I have 427 00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:09,330 Speaker 2: a very close friend how to say okay and then 428 00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:12,850 Speaker 2: she had an event, an important event in her life. 429 00:17:12,859 --> 00:17:19,179 Speaker 2: So she said um would you make the flowers for me? 430 00:17:19,740 --> 00:17:20,660 Speaker 2: Ah 431 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,490 Speaker 2: Okay. 432 00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:26,900 Speaker 2: So I said sure I'm not a florist but sure 433 00:17:26,910 --> 00:17:30,210 Speaker 2: like the floral arrangement, what 434 00:17:30,210 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: kind of event? It's a wedding. 435 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:35,470 Speaker 2: So I did it right. And then I wanted to 436 00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:41,330 Speaker 2: gift it to her because right and then after the thing, 437 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,220 Speaker 2: so she kept asking me how much is it? I 438 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:46,030 Speaker 2: want to pay for it. So I said I didn't 439 00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:46,379 Speaker 2: like 440 00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:51,020 Speaker 2: second time asked me, I didn't lie. Third time asked me, 441 00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,710 Speaker 2: I said okay if you really want to pay for 442 00:17:52,710 --> 00:17:55,260 Speaker 2: it I'll get you something else, maybe more permanent as 443 00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:58,729 Speaker 2: a gift for the event. You know because if you 444 00:17:58,730 --> 00:18:00,199 Speaker 2: think that you had asked me to do it and 445 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,700 Speaker 2: maybe you wanted to pay me for it. So I 446 00:18:02,710 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 2: said okay since you asked so many times I spent 447 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,670 Speaker 2: this amount and then she said I can't believe you 448 00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:12,200 Speaker 2: just asked me to pay you 449 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,380 Speaker 2: after asking her three times. How much is she 450 00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:17,950 Speaker 1: kidding? 451 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:23,369 Speaker 2: No she was so angry and so upset. 452 00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 2: And 453 00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:27,750 Speaker 1: why is laughing over there? That's 454 00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:30,170 Speaker 2: how she deals with everything in life. She just laughs 455 00:18:30,170 --> 00:18:32,960 Speaker 2: it off. No I think here's what happened. She tried 456 00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:36,409 Speaker 2: to be nice you know by by asking you I 457 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,459 Speaker 1: want you to say no it's okay babe it's my 458 00:18:39,460 --> 00:18:41,660 Speaker 1: gift to you. She just needs that reply 459 00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:45,150 Speaker 2: love. You know that person like a me me me 460 00:18:45,150 --> 00:18:46,950 Speaker 2: me me you want me to say you don't want 461 00:18:46,950 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 2: me to say don't you know I would never do that. 462 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,370 Speaker 2: So what happened then did she pay you? 463 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,940 Speaker 2: So she trusts. Okay here's what I think what happened. 464 00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:59,380 Speaker 2: I think the amount surprised I think she thought that 465 00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:01,220 Speaker 2: I had spent a lot less. And 466 00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: how much is it? How much is it? 467 00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:06,320 Speaker 2: You don't know much la flowers only maybe 150. 468 00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:09,909 Speaker 1: Okay. Okay so maybe she thought you spent like 20 bucks. 469 00:19:10,020 --> 00:19:10,810 Speaker 1: Maybe 470 00:19:10,810 --> 00:19:13,990 Speaker 2: she thought it was that cheap. Right okay. And then 471 00:19:13,990 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 2: after that I was like, oh wow balmy? Like messages? 472 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:25,090 Speaker 2: I was so confused. You asked me, I said you're 473 00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:27,740 Speaker 2: not friends with this person anymore because after that I 474 00:19:27,740 --> 00:19:30,930 Speaker 2: was like done by, I was like really by by 475 00:19:30,940 --> 00:19:31,850 Speaker 2: toxic friend 476 00:19:31,859 --> 00:19:34,240 Speaker 1: but I don't think it's toxic per se. But 477 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,140 Speaker 2: I was I 478 00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:36,030 Speaker 1: execute this. But 479 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:40,129 Speaker 2: the final straw for me was after that, right? And 480 00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:42,820 Speaker 2: I was trying to like I was confused and then 481 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 2: she brought in other things like you know my other 482 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,020 Speaker 2: friends have always told me or warned me about you 483 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,800 Speaker 2: and I'm not friends with these people. 484 00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:51,920 Speaker 2: I don't even know this now. That's toxic. That was 485 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 2: the final straw for me. I was like, oh yo 486 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,409 Speaker 2: wait hello? Like we're not a group of friends that 487 00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:59,209 Speaker 2: were individual friends and like you're telling me why you 488 00:19:59,210 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 2: bringing all this kind of shut up like hello. I 489 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,540 Speaker 2: was like okay done by 490 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:04,830 Speaker 1: but 491 00:20:05,490 --> 00:20:07,780 Speaker 1: but did you call her out? 492 00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:10,020 Speaker 2: But I couldn't. But I think when a friend is 493 00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:11,970 Speaker 2: not important enough, you don't have to call them out, 494 00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:13,430 Speaker 2: just let them, right? So 495 00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: I just need to know did she transfer you the 496 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:15,250 Speaker 1: money back? 497 00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:15,850 Speaker 2: Yes, she did. 498 00:20:15,859 --> 00:20:17,670 Speaker 1: Yeah. At least that's that. 499 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,590 Speaker 2: I tell you I had like half a second and 500 00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:24,810 Speaker 2: I was like should I transfer the money? Just keep it? Okay. 501 00:20:24,820 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 1: But we mentioned for friends like this were not so close, 502 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 1: we don't have to like bother calling them out. But 503 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,940 Speaker 1: what if close friends, you know, does she 504 00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:34,990 Speaker 1: kind of things, How do we call them out without 505 00:20:34,990 --> 00:20:37,230 Speaker 1: being aggressive without ruining the friendship? 506 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,330 Speaker 2: Okay. I think like a relationship a friendship is the same, right? 507 00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:42,420 Speaker 2: You need to be able to communicate. If you can't 508 00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:45,050 Speaker 2: then is that really a friendship, you have to be 509 00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 2: able to communicate honestly. But in a way that is 510 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 2: not like you're victimizing yourself or you're using very harsh 511 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,669 Speaker 2: words on them because that can really hurt their feelings 512 00:20:55,670 --> 00:20:57,890 Speaker 2: as well. So be mindful of the words that you 513 00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,400 Speaker 2: choose and try to stay as far 514 00:21:00,609 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 2: as possible. 515 00:21:01,369 --> 00:21:04,609 Speaker 1: So I've learned this. You can consider using I statements 516 00:21:04,619 --> 00:21:08,020 Speaker 1: what do like i statements means instead of saying you 517 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,859 Speaker 1: don't listen to me anymore. Maybe you can say I 518 00:21:10,859 --> 00:21:13,720 Speaker 1: don't feel so hurt. You know, like I don't feel 519 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:17,090 Speaker 1: like my thoughts are hurt by you and you know 520 00:21:17,090 --> 00:21:20,010 Speaker 1: this instantly changes things and can help to make the 521 00:21:20,010 --> 00:21:23,590 Speaker 1: situation a lot better. Right? Right. And I think open 522 00:21:23,590 --> 00:21:26,150 Speaker 1: body language is very important. If you confront your friends 523 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,870 Speaker 1: with your arms like cross. Like 524 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: it's 525 00:21:28,609 --> 00:21:29,620 Speaker 2: very offensive, so 526 00:21:29,619 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 1: defensive and like you're closing yourself off, it's not going 527 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:33,930 Speaker 1: to help the entire situation 528 00:21:33,940 --> 00:21:36,740 Speaker 2: definitely. I think it's also an understanding and trust in 529 00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:40,070 Speaker 2: your friends. Like if you know that they have your 530 00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:43,869 Speaker 2: best interests at heart? Right? I think, but then itself 531 00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,609 Speaker 2: you have to know la that they actually have your 532 00:21:45,609 --> 00:21:47,899 Speaker 2: best interest at heart. You know? And then I think 533 00:21:47,910 --> 00:21:49,940 Speaker 2: it's like an understanding because I have some friends as well. 534 00:21:49,940 --> 00:21:52,080 Speaker 2: I mean like you girls will always you know, you 535 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 2: will call me out for it but you will hype 536 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:55,330 Speaker 2: me up for 537 00:21:55,350 --> 00:21:57,900 Speaker 2: as well, right? I have some friends who I know 538 00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 2: for a fact will push as they will challenge whatever 539 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:07,609 Speaker 2: I say and to them right? If I push and 540 00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:12,740 Speaker 2: that might trigger you to think of something else. So 541 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:15,510 Speaker 2: they just work in that way of which they will 542 00:22:15,510 --> 00:22:20,220 Speaker 2: just challenge and push back but not maliciously and not 543 00:22:20,230 --> 00:22:21,450 Speaker 2: like in a terrible manner. 544 00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 1: Sounds like my mother 545 00:22:24,390 --> 00:22:25,450 Speaker 2: auntie. 546 00:22:26,510 --> 00:22:29,189 Speaker 2: Yeah. But like I know it's all love and they 547 00:22:29,190 --> 00:22:31,780 Speaker 2: will come back and you know, so they push first 548 00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:34,600 Speaker 2: and they will re discuss it right? Yeah. So I 549 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,310 Speaker 2: know that they have my back there in my corner. 550 00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:39,980 Speaker 2: It's not malicious. Okay. Yeah. And that's okay. 551 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,820 Speaker 1: Are you annoyed when that happened at first when the 552 00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:43,590 Speaker 1: challenge happens? 553 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,729 Speaker 2: No, I've never been annoyed. That's just like one time 554 00:22:46,730 --> 00:22:48,879 Speaker 2: like no, no, no, 555 00:22:51,190 --> 00:22:55,500 Speaker 2: no. Same girlfriends but one time where I really felt 556 00:22:55,510 --> 00:22:59,139 Speaker 2: at that point like I just needed you to tell 557 00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:00,340 Speaker 2: me that I was worth 558 00:23:00,350 --> 00:23:00,810 Speaker 1: it. 559 00:23:00,820 --> 00:23:03,719 Speaker 2: But they still wanted a challenge and I was like 560 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:05,510 Speaker 2: I'm at this point in my life like just give 561 00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:06,900 Speaker 2: it to me. I just need to hear it like 562 00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:08,530 Speaker 2: just give it to me. I don't care. You believe? 563 00:23:08,530 --> 00:23:09,730 Speaker 2: You don't believe? Like just give it to me. 564 00:23:09,740 --> 00:23:12,490 Speaker 2: It depends what kind of person you are. So like 565 00:23:12,510 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 2: I'm someone that I cannot take tough love well, but 566 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:17,909 Speaker 2: if you show me tough love I'll cry and I'll 567 00:23:17,910 --> 00:23:19,950 Speaker 2: be like don't show me tough love, I need the 568 00:23:20,310 --> 00:23:23,140 Speaker 2: you know the compliments like no you'll be okay baby, 569 00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:26,110 Speaker 2: don't worry. So it depends. So if you're someone that 570 00:23:26,109 --> 00:23:28,300 Speaker 2: needs tough love to whip you into shape, Missouri 571 00:23:28,730 --> 00:23:31,230 Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, no, I'm okay when I received 572 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,770 Speaker 2: all forms of love, she 573 00:23:32,770 --> 00:23:35,090 Speaker 1: actually does. No matter what kind 574 00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:37,649 Speaker 2: of love we give her take it, it's 575 00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:41,170 Speaker 1: super hard to stay mad at Azzurra. It's super hard. 576 00:23:41,180 --> 00:23:42,669 Speaker 1: She's so cute. 577 00:23:43,270 --> 00:23:45,730 Speaker 1: Okay next question, do you guys think a friendship can 578 00:23:45,730 --> 00:23:48,180 Speaker 1: still be saved after we call our good friends? 579 00:23:48,190 --> 00:23:49,820 Speaker 2: Yes, of course. I 580 00:23:49,820 --> 00:23:51,859 Speaker 1: think if it's good enough friends, you know this friendship 581 00:23:51,859 --> 00:23:52,750 Speaker 1: can still be salvaged. 582 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,419 Speaker 2: Everyone deserves a second chance. Every friendship deserves a second chance. 583 00:23:56,430 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 2: Unless your friend is like slapping you in the face physically, 584 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,550 Speaker 2: then I would say, no people tell you in the 585 00:24:02,550 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 2: school bus, I told you in primary school people let 586 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:05,980 Speaker 2: me 587 00:24:06,390 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 2: hello, Who are you know we're not friends anymore. But 588 00:24:09,490 --> 00:24:13,770 Speaker 2: I'm saying like unless it's really like physically or emotionally abusive, 589 00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:18,610 Speaker 2: but otherwise, you know everyone makes mistake, no human is perfect. 590 00:24:18,619 --> 00:24:21,629 Speaker 2: Everyone deserves a second chance. Okay let's say a friend 591 00:24:21,630 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 2: leeches off. You owes you a lot of money then 592 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 2: you decide to cut this friend off, right? And this 593 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,940 Speaker 2: was still doesn't pay you but you're not friends anymore. 594 00:24:27,950 --> 00:24:32,669 Speaker 2: Would you still stay in contact just to get the 595 00:24:32,670 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 2: money back? Would you still chase for the money 596 00:24:35,010 --> 00:24:35,969 Speaker 1: or would you let it go? 597 00:24:35,980 --> 00:24:38,670 Speaker 2: I would cheese for the damn money. 598 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,060 Speaker 1: But I feel like by doing that I'm staying in 599 00:24:41,060 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 1: contact with this person and this gives him or her 600 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,500 Speaker 1: an avenue to continue borrowing money from me. 601 00:24:46,510 --> 00:24:49,050 Speaker 2: But you can don't give. So this person that I 602 00:24:49,050 --> 00:24:52,939 Speaker 2: cut off recently right owes me a ton of money 603 00:24:52,950 --> 00:24:55,720 Speaker 2: and I keep trying to ask for the money back 604 00:24:55,730 --> 00:24:58,530 Speaker 2: but it's a big sum. So obviously if you didn't 605 00:24:58,530 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 2: ruin the relationship, you know, it would have been a 606 00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,640 Speaker 2: lot easier to settle money stuff, right? But you ruin 607 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,470 Speaker 2: the relationship. So I keep 608 00:25:05,570 --> 00:25:08,430 Speaker 2: talking about money and he keeps telling me like, you 609 00:25:08,430 --> 00:25:10,290 Speaker 2: know when can we talk, can we talk this out? 610 00:25:10,290 --> 00:25:12,359 Speaker 2: Like you know you want to chill or then we 611 00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:14,770 Speaker 2: can talk another month and I refuse to reply to 612 00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:18,359 Speaker 2: anything but the money. So I keep the boundary very clear. 613 00:25:18,369 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: Well this is tough, this is tough. But do you 614 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,500 Speaker 1: think he doesn't want to pay you back? 615 00:25:23,510 --> 00:25:26,010 Speaker 2: He does it's just that it's a big sum and 616 00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:28,190 Speaker 2: it takes a while. But at the same time he's 617 00:25:28,190 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 2: trying to repair this friendship, but I don't want to, 618 00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:35,150 Speaker 2: I just want the money. Right? 619 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:36,420 Speaker 2: Yeah, 620 00:25:36,430 --> 00:25:37,300 Speaker 1: difficult, 621 00:25:37,310 --> 00:25:40,120 Speaker 2: difficult. Actually. I'm that person, right? If you owe me money, 622 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:42,230 Speaker 2: I might not remember. I really don't remember. She really 623 00:25:42,230 --> 00:25:43,220 Speaker 1: doesn't know. 624 00:25:43,220 --> 00:25:46,470 Speaker 2: She really doesn't remember what she had for lunch yesterday. 625 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,879 Speaker 2: If I owe you money, please let me know, I'll 626 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:50,670 Speaker 2: pay you back. But I don't think so. But if 627 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,660 Speaker 2: people owe me money, I really don't remember one that 628 00:25:52,670 --> 00:25:57,050 Speaker 2: I don't track my payments. I don't track whatever money 629 00:25:57,050 --> 00:25:58,500 Speaker 2: I owe you money. You owe me money. I owe 630 00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:02,639 Speaker 2: you money for for Airbnb. Oh, 631 00:26:02,650 --> 00:26:04,740 Speaker 1: what do you mean? What you say? 632 00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 2: To be honest later, she's like the flower girl scared. 633 00:26:09,050 --> 00:26:12,359 Speaker 2: So right. That was once basically a friend. Not very close, 634 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 2: but like, okay, because we were spending a period of 635 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 2: time together, sort of like working together at that time 636 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:20,119 Speaker 2: and then she asked me for a sum of money, 637 00:26:20,130 --> 00:26:22,360 Speaker 2: not a huge sum. I think it was like 2 638 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,790 Speaker 2: 53 100 accounting. I remember that she was going through 639 00:26:25,790 --> 00:26:28,490 Speaker 2: a tough time of which like her parents were sick 640 00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 2: so I don't want to question it and in fact 641 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:31,690 Speaker 2: when I transferred right, 642 00:26:31,850 --> 00:26:32,409 Speaker 2: transfer a little bit 643 00:26:32,410 --> 00:26:33,470 Speaker 1: more. 644 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:37,109 Speaker 2: Um and then um and I don't know how to ask, 645 00:26:37,330 --> 00:26:38,340 Speaker 2: you know how 646 00:26:38,340 --> 00:26:39,770 Speaker 1: to ask for the money back, 647 00:26:39,770 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 2: correct, correct? But this 648 00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,350 Speaker 1: kind of situation before I borrow right before I lend 649 00:26:43,350 --> 00:26:45,540 Speaker 1: the money to the person I already expect that it 650 00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:46,850 Speaker 1: will be coming back, it won't 651 00:26:46,850 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 2: be coming back. Some people say that when you lend 652 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,980 Speaker 2: people money, you have to be prepared that you never 653 00:26:51,980 --> 00:26:54,520 Speaker 2: get it back. Some people say never lend money to 654 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,670 Speaker 2: your friends because then you won't be friends anymore. Right? Yeah, 655 00:26:57,670 --> 00:26:58,670 Speaker 2: so I 656 00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,710 Speaker 2: I did that and I think she had said like 657 00:27:02,710 --> 00:27:04,630 Speaker 2: when she was going to bring back, so obviously the 658 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,929 Speaker 2: time come and then like nothing obviously, yeah, so I 659 00:27:07,930 --> 00:27:10,710 Speaker 2: also don't know how to ask. I'm like, okay. And 660 00:27:10,710 --> 00:27:13,719 Speaker 2: then I waited a bit more and then the parent 661 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,780 Speaker 2: was sick, passed away. I couldn't, I didn't forget it, 662 00:27:17,780 --> 00:27:19,990 Speaker 2: really cannot really, I just like after that I just 663 00:27:19,990 --> 00:27:23,040 Speaker 2: let it go, but I feel right, like she knows 664 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,540 Speaker 2: it and because of that, like she's scared talk to me, 665 00:27:25,550 --> 00:27:27,380 Speaker 2: but I'm like fine. I'm like I have no issues. 666 00:27:27,380 --> 00:27:30,010 Speaker 2: Like you can just, we can still be friends, it's fine, 667 00:27:30,020 --> 00:27:31,740 Speaker 2: but it's not on you to reach out to her 668 00:27:31,740 --> 00:27:36,310 Speaker 2: in this case. I think in this situation she should 669 00:27:36,310 --> 00:27:38,810 Speaker 2: have said I'm really sorry about that or you know, 670 00:27:38,820 --> 00:27:40,610 Speaker 2: I have no issues about the money, you know, I'm 671 00:27:40,609 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 2: like whatever, you know, but I just feel like this 672 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,390 Speaker 2: person pulled back because maybe she was 673 00:27:46,390 --> 00:27:48,950 Speaker 1: guilty, she must have felt so guilty, but that's a 674 00:27:48,950 --> 00:27:50,880 Speaker 1: good person because at least you feel the guilt, Right, 675 00:27:50,890 --> 00:27:51,889 Speaker 2: correct, correct, correct. 676 00:27:52,390 --> 00:27:55,230 Speaker 2: Show up with new bags. Yeah, 677 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,250 Speaker 1: exactly 678 00:27:56,260 --> 00:27:57,350 Speaker 2: handed back some more. 679 00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,140 Speaker 1: So for our listeners who are listening to harsh podcast, 680 00:28:00,140 --> 00:28:04,050 Speaker 1: if you're feeling like some sort of an obstacle between 681 00:28:04,050 --> 00:28:06,510 Speaker 1: you and a friend before giving up on the friendship, 682 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,930 Speaker 1: I seriously think that you should reconsider it. How long 683 00:28:08,930 --> 00:28:11,060 Speaker 1: have you been together with this friend? Is he or 684 00:28:11,060 --> 00:28:14,650 Speaker 1: she worthy of your time and effort and also have 685 00:28:14,650 --> 00:28:17,890 Speaker 1: a conversation? I feel like we can't talk about this 686 00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:19,210 Speaker 1: enough in basically every 687 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:22,609 Speaker 1: episode we're telling you to have an open, honest conversation 688 00:28:22,609 --> 00:28:23,980 Speaker 1: because it really, really works. 689 00:28:23,990 --> 00:28:27,300 Speaker 2: Exactly. And I think that you need to also set 690 00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:30,760 Speaker 2: boundaries with friends because sometimes they overstep those boundaries and 691 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,959 Speaker 2: the trust that you know, you have given to them 692 00:28:32,970 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 2: whether by violating your trust or taking your money or 693 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,459 Speaker 2: treating your feelings like it doesn't matter. So set your 694 00:28:38,460 --> 00:28:42,840 Speaker 2: boundaries with your friends such that it can be healthy 695 00:28:42,850 --> 00:28:46,070 Speaker 2: question for the floor. Okay, So, 696 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,709 Speaker 2: so you have a friend, right? So you tell your 697 00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:51,500 Speaker 2: friend like a secret, like your secrets for that matter. 698 00:28:51,510 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 2: And I think whether you are aware of it or not, okay, 699 00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 2: let's say your friend has a stable relationship, this person 700 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,690 Speaker 2: will tell everything to their partner. So when you tell 701 00:29:02,690 --> 00:29:04,720 Speaker 2: them that you cannot tell anybody right, they really won't 702 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,890 Speaker 2: tell anybody, but they don't treat their partners as anybody. 703 00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:10,970 Speaker 2: So everything you tell them, the partner will know one. 704 00:29:10,970 --> 00:29:12,930 Speaker 1: How 705 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:16,430 Speaker 1: for me, right? If I have a partner, I would 706 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:18,560 Speaker 1: ask my friends, are you okay if I let him 707 00:29:18,570 --> 00:29:22,140 Speaker 1: know about this? Because I feel like you know, he 708 00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:24,980 Speaker 1: ought to know. But it's nothing to do with this person. 709 00:29:24,990 --> 00:29:28,620 Speaker 1: For what I tell my partner right about 710 00:29:28,620 --> 00:29:30,000 Speaker 2: you. Does 711 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,590 Speaker 1: your partner have to know everything? 712 00:29:31,610 --> 00:29:33,930 Speaker 2: Your partner doesn't have to know everything. But because you 713 00:29:33,930 --> 00:29:36,190 Speaker 2: spend so much time with your partner, right? Sometimes you 714 00:29:36,190 --> 00:29:37,650 Speaker 2: just talk about your day like, oh my God, you 715 00:29:37,650 --> 00:29:41,910 Speaker 2: know who told me what this? You know, and you 716 00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:45,630 Speaker 2: expect that what you have with your partner is sacred. 717 00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:48,720 Speaker 2: You guys are a unit correct? What happens when you 718 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:49,420 Speaker 2: break up? 719 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,450 Speaker 2: No. But you see you guys are a unit in 720 00:29:53,450 --> 00:29:56,980 Speaker 2: your mind, in your friend's mind. It's correct. She was 721 00:29:56,980 --> 00:29:58,980 Speaker 2: not telling the unit. She was telling me. I think 722 00:29:58,980 --> 00:30:02,810 Speaker 2: what Hazy said is right, you have to ask for permission. 723 00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:04,660 Speaker 2: You can't just assume that it's okay to tell your 724 00:30:04,660 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 2: partner just because you are a unit, correct? 725 00:30:07,170 --> 00:30:10,120 Speaker 1: And then this also strengthens the bond between you and 726 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:10,590 Speaker 1: your friends. 727 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,820 Speaker 2: But if you guys, if you ever break up with 728 00:30:12,820 --> 00:30:16,360 Speaker 2: your partner, you still have to honor the secrets that 729 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,450 Speaker 2: were told to you in a relationship, correct? Yes. 730 00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 2: Yes. 731 00:30:20,050 --> 00:30:23,270 Speaker 1: Please don't be a bit much. Okay. Lastly what if 732 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:25,820 Speaker 1: one of our listeners, he or she has already exhausted 733 00:30:25,830 --> 00:30:28,710 Speaker 1: all the options to salvage this friendship, but it still 734 00:30:28,710 --> 00:30:30,000 Speaker 1: doesn't work out. It's okay. 735 00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:32,700 Speaker 2: There's seven billion people in the world and hello, then 736 00:30:32,700 --> 00:30:34,810 Speaker 2: go and listen to our previous episode on why it's 737 00:30:34,820 --> 00:30:36,130 Speaker 2: okay to end the friendship. 738 00:30:36,140 --> 00:30:37,730 Speaker 1: Why Breaking 739 00:30:37,730 --> 00:30:38,700 Speaker 2: up with a friend is okay. 740 00:30:38,710 --> 00:30:41,770 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes. Sometimes it's really that step that we 741 00:30:41,770 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: have to take for ourselves and it's us above everybody else. Okay, 742 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,230 Speaker 1: Love ourselves first before other people can love us. 743 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:48,970 Speaker 1: Okay, 744 00:30:48,980 --> 00:30:51,570 Speaker 2: recently someone told me this, which I really felt like 745 00:30:51,570 --> 00:30:53,720 Speaker 2: it was the nicest thing I've ever heard in a while. Okay, 746 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,130 Speaker 2: so she said, um, when you show up for yourself, 747 00:30:57,140 --> 00:30:58,230 Speaker 2: the universe rewards 748 00:30:58,230 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 1: you. I love that. 749 00:31:00,450 --> 00:31:04,310 Speaker 2: What is showing up for yourself means taking steps or 750 00:31:04,310 --> 00:31:07,180 Speaker 2: doing whatever that is needed for yourself. Whether it's cutting 751 00:31:07,180 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 2: someone off, whether it's, you know, making decisions, tough decisions, 752 00:31:10,850 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 2: but making that decision for yourself in your best interests. 753 00:31:13,930 --> 00:31:17,010 Speaker 1: It can be a little things such as getting a latte, 754 00:31:17,190 --> 00:31:18,980 Speaker 1: getting more rest and talking 755 00:31:18,980 --> 00:31:21,450 Speaker 2: to your friends, shout out to forward coffee, 756 00:31:22,700 --> 00:31:25,970 Speaker 1: small things to make yourself feel good and when you 757 00:31:25,970 --> 00:31:28,580 Speaker 1: show up for yourself, the universe will reward you. 758 00:31:28,590 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 2: I love that. 759 00:31:29,810 --> 00:31:30,860 Speaker 1: I fully agree that 760 00:31:30,860 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 2: be our like 761 00:31:33,270 --> 00:31:33,890 Speaker 1: episode 762 00:31:33,890 --> 00:31:36,950 Speaker 2: slogan royalty, not show up for yourself. The university. 763 00:31:37,290 --> 00:31:41,730 Speaker 1: So bear that in mind. Last word of advice for 764 00:31:41,730 --> 00:31:45,290 Speaker 1: people struggling with friendship drama. I hope you acknowledge that 765 00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:47,420 Speaker 1: you and a friend may not click the same way 766 00:31:47,420 --> 00:31:47,740 Speaker 1: you want 767 00:31:47,750 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: because we all experience different phases in our life. I 768 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,060 Speaker 1: really love this quote. Their friends for a reason. Friends 769 00:31:55,060 --> 00:31:57,490 Speaker 1: for a season and friends for a lifetime. 770 00:31:57,500 --> 00:32:00,440 Speaker 2: That's right. You know who are your true and real 771 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,479 Speaker 2: ones and you don't need a lot of them. You 772 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,350 Speaker 2: just need a few or a handful that support you 773 00:32:05,350 --> 00:32:07,550 Speaker 2: in different ways but make sure you give them the 774 00:32:07,550 --> 00:32:09,920 Speaker 2: same support as well. That's right. I think that you 775 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,790 Speaker 2: know like a relationship like any relationship is 776 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:14,690 Speaker 2: it's not one way it's never one way you invest 777 00:32:14,690 --> 00:32:17,330 Speaker 2: in people. People invest in you. I feel like if 778 00:32:17,340 --> 00:32:19,570 Speaker 2: I can say that at any time of the day 779 00:32:19,570 --> 00:32:21,610 Speaker 2: I can call at least five people who will pick 780 00:32:21,610 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 2: up my call no matter what and maybe let's say 781 00:32:26,250 --> 00:32:29,130 Speaker 2: if I end up in jail in cuBA I can 782 00:32:29,130 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 2: call five people who will book the next flight. I 783 00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,170 Speaker 2: feel like I feel like I feel like I'm going 784 00:32:34,170 --> 00:32:35,970 Speaker 2: to be the first call. I'm worried I don't have 785 00:32:35,970 --> 00:32:37,850 Speaker 2: a Visa for CUBA. Let me check 786 00:32:38,450 --> 00:32:40,680 Speaker 2: and I feel like if I have that right I 787 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:44,070 Speaker 2: have lived a good life. Yes. Yeah. I think I'm 788 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,719 Speaker 2: going through a tough time and realizing like the friends 789 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,140 Speaker 2: that are there for me, the friends that literally would 790 00:32:49,150 --> 00:32:52,680 Speaker 2: drop anything and come and see me as opposed to 791 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:56,740 Speaker 2: the friends that value other things over dropping everything to 792 00:32:56,740 --> 00:32:58,660 Speaker 2: come see me like I know who my real ones 793 00:32:58,670 --> 00:33:02,950 Speaker 2: are and you guys, some everyone's so I love you, 794 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:03,620 Speaker 2: I love you 795 00:33:03,630 --> 00:33:05,520 Speaker 1: now. I feel like crying. You 796 00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:06,350 Speaker 2: guys don't cry 797 00:33:06,540 --> 00:33:08,900 Speaker 1: friends. F T W. Okay with that. Thank you so 798 00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:12,290 Speaker 1: much for tuning into this episode of clarity. 799 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 2: Make sure you follow us on instagram at its clarity 800 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,820 Speaker 2: dot co to find out more updates on when new 801 00:33:17,820 --> 00:33:19,780 Speaker 2: episodes drop. That's right. You can listen to us on, 802 00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:23,580 Speaker 2: mean listen on Spotify on apple podcasts Youtube as well. 803 00:33:23,590 --> 00:33:26,090 Speaker 1: Once again, I'm hazel, I'm a zero and I'm jermaine 804 00:33:26,090 --> 00:33:26,630 Speaker 1: and thank you for 805 00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:27,970 Speaker 2: listening.