1 00:00:00,009 --> 00:00:00,289 Speaker 1: Hello. 2 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:00,419 Speaker 2: It's 3 00:00:00,430 --> 00:00:00,970 Speaker 1: Hazo. Hey, 4 00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:01,769 Speaker 2: it's, and I'm 5 00:00:01,779 --> 00:00:04,230 Speaker 1: Jermaine and welcome back to another episode of Clarity. 6 00:00:07,309 --> 00:00:10,069 Speaker 2: Today's episode. How believe we've never spoke about this? I 7 00:00:10,079 --> 00:00:12,850 Speaker 2: think we spoke about it in bits and pieces over 8 00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:17,780 Speaker 2: the other relationship episodes, but it's about living together with 9 00:00:17,790 --> 00:00:18,969 Speaker 2: a romantic partner. 10 00:00:19,129 --> 00:00:22,128 Speaker 1: Ok. Quick question for the floor. Have you ever lived 11 00:00:22,139 --> 00:00:24,530 Speaker 1: with your partner before? Yes or no. 321. 12 00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:28,299 Speaker 2: Yes. Ok. So we all have that experience. Be it 13 00:00:28,309 --> 00:00:30,290 Speaker 2: like before marriage during marriage. 14 00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:32,610 Speaker 1: Who are you? 15 00:00:32,979 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: Ok. Wait, wait, define living together. Is it like the 16 00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:39,610 Speaker 1: occasional stayovers? But like maybe many times in a week 17 00:00:39,619 --> 00:00:40,020 Speaker 1: living 18 00:00:40,029 --> 00:00:42,668 Speaker 2: together is you move in with the person, the person 19 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,369 Speaker 2: move in with you or you both move into a 20 00:00:44,380 --> 00:00:47,339 Speaker 2: place together? So you don't? That is your home? That 21 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:51,549 Speaker 2: is your primary home. So, still, yes. Your answer. Hazy. 22 00:00:53,819 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: You know what? 23 00:00:55,069 --> 00:00:55,669 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. 24 00:00:57,209 --> 00:00:57,220 Speaker 2: Uh 25 00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:58,869 Speaker 2: Oh. 26 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:01,799 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 27 00:01:03,590 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 2: Ok. So the answer is, yes. Ok. For all three 28 00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:08,250 Speaker 2: of us, I think a lot has changed in the 29 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:12,050 Speaker 2: last decade on partners living together. Right. And I think 30 00:01:12,059 --> 00:01:14,488 Speaker 2: in the past maybe our parents generation, my God, 31 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,449 Speaker 1: they would not have done that. No, 32 00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:20,410 Speaker 2: such a big taboo to live together before marriage. 33 00:01:20,940 --> 00:01:23,289 Speaker 1: Agree. I think it was more of a taboo for 34 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,169 Speaker 1: the girl than the boy, right? Because once you move 35 00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:27,849 Speaker 1: in together with this guy before getting married and the 36 00:01:27,860 --> 00:01:32,089 Speaker 1: people point the fingers at you last time in Chinese 37 00:01:32,099 --> 00:01:32,459 Speaker 1: to put, 38 00:01:33,089 --> 00:01:39,699 Speaker 1: which means you like taking care of itself. Not the mere, not, not, not. 39 00:01:40,669 --> 00:01:45,129 Speaker 2: I think cohabiting to me personally is the key to 40 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:49,599 Speaker 2: a successful relationship. I'm 100% pro this, I'm so pro this. 41 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,510 Speaker 2: That's how I feel about living together with your partner 42 00:01:52,519 --> 00:01:54,550 Speaker 2: and how much it affects a relationship. But you may 43 00:01:54,559 --> 00:01:57,910 Speaker 2: feel different and that's OK. That's what we're here to discuss. Yes. 44 00:01:57,970 --> 00:02:00,540 Speaker 1: Tell me more. Why do you think is the key 45 00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:01,750 Speaker 1: to a successful relationship? 46 00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:02,239 Speaker 2: Actually, 47 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,629 Speaker 2: I've cohabited with every single one of my partners. There 48 00:02:05,639 --> 00:02:08,109 Speaker 2: is a caveat to that. I think for some of 49 00:02:08,119 --> 00:02:11,029 Speaker 2: my partners, I was probably too young to have cohabited 50 00:02:11,038 --> 00:02:13,809 Speaker 2: with them. And I probably should not have very much 51 00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:16,949 Speaker 2: to the chagrin of my parents, but it's OK. Sorry, 52 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,380 Speaker 2: I'm older now. But at a certain point, I think 53 00:02:20,389 --> 00:02:24,440 Speaker 2: especially if you're thinking, ok, this partner might be my 54 00:02:24,449 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 2: lifetime commitment. I might want to marry this person or 55 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,380 Speaker 2: I might just wanna be with this person for the 56 00:02:29,389 --> 00:02:31,669 Speaker 2: rest of my life. That is when you think OK, 57 00:02:31,869 --> 00:02:37,820 Speaker 2: cohabiting, it's as important as sex to intimacy 58 00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:39,059 Speaker 1: for sex is important. 59 00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:42,690 Speaker 2: Sex is important and communication is important but so is cohabiting. 60 00:02:42,899 --> 00:02:44,559 Speaker 1: But I'm gonna stand on the other side of the 61 00:02:44,570 --> 00:02:48,130 Speaker 1: few and say that sometimes, right? When you stay together, 62 00:02:48,139 --> 00:02:51,550 Speaker 1: that romantic bubble just burst, but eventually you're gonna have 63 00:02:51,559 --> 00:02:54,020 Speaker 1: to do that also. I know so some people might 64 00:02:54,029 --> 00:02:57,799 Speaker 1: want to prolong that feeling of like absence makes the 65 00:02:57,809 --> 00:02:59,919 Speaker 1: heart grow for, you know what I mean? Right. If 66 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,100 Speaker 1: you don't stay together, 67 00:03:01,190 --> 00:03:04,009 Speaker 1: you always look forward to seeing each other the next time, 68 00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:06,889 Speaker 1: the coming weekend, go about your movie days. Whatever 69 00:03:06,899 --> 00:03:07,288 Speaker 2: that 70 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:11,038 Speaker 2: is one of the problems in one of my relationships 71 00:03:11,050 --> 00:03:15,419 Speaker 2: that we became roommates like each other. Yeah, you kind 72 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,288 Speaker 2: of just get so comfortable. You became roommates. But I 73 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:20,740 Speaker 2: do think that is something that is a choice. You 74 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:23,339 Speaker 2: have to keep having the intention of this is a 75 00:03:23,350 --> 00:03:27,038 Speaker 2: romantic relationship. This is not a roommate ship. Keep trying 76 00:03:27,050 --> 00:03:29,199 Speaker 2: at that every day and keep that in mind. Ok. 77 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,509 Speaker 1: So how different is it in your car? 78 00:03:30,619 --> 00:03:33,809 Speaker 1: Current relationship? How do you keep yourselves from turning to like, 79 00:03:33,820 --> 00:03:34,239 Speaker 1: what is it? 80 00:03:34,869 --> 00:03:38,178 Speaker 2: Well, the key thing is you have to share responsibilities 81 00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:41,949 Speaker 2: in the household but still keep that romantic spark alive. Right. 82 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,380 Speaker 2: So have intentional things like date nights outside of the house, 83 00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:48,270 Speaker 2: go for a date night, once every two weeks, once 84 00:03:48,279 --> 00:03:50,389 Speaker 2: a month, whatever works for you to just remind yourself 85 00:03:50,399 --> 00:03:52,279 Speaker 2: a we're a couple we're not like, 86 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,750 Speaker 1: but actually date night, once every two weeks or once 87 00:03:54,759 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: a month is very long, 88 00:03:55,889 --> 00:03:57,210 Speaker 2: very long. Yeah. 89 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,419 Speaker 2: No, we have to find time. 90 00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:02,630 Speaker 2: Do it sometimes to go. Don't you feel like when 91 00:04:02,639 --> 00:04:06,839 Speaker 2: you have the right person? Even, like non intentional dates 92 00:04:06,850 --> 00:04:09,729 Speaker 2: feel like a date. Like, even cooking together at home, 93 00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:14,789 Speaker 2: grocery shopping, grocery shopping together, going furniture shopping. And I 94 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:19,220 Speaker 2: actually have good knife skills. I'm good at prepping with 95 00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:23,589 Speaker 2: those nails that you see anything with fire, keep me away. 96 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,179 Speaker 2: But I'm good at prepping. I'm good at the starting part. Ok. 97 00:04:27,519 --> 00:04:28,390 Speaker 2: I'm good at eating 98 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,390 Speaker 2: the the finishing part. Yeah. But ok, so hazy, you 99 00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:38,790 Speaker 2: don't think it's important to live with your partner before marriage? Ok. Question. 100 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:42,339 Speaker 2: So you've had relationships where you don't live with the person, right? 101 00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:44,619 Speaker 2: And then you've also had one that you live with 102 00:04:44,630 --> 00:04:46,619 Speaker 2: the person. What do you think is the biggest difference? 103 00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:49,868 Speaker 1: Like what I mentioned, the romantic spark that bubble, that 104 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,399 Speaker 1: fairy tale sort of like facade just disappears when you 105 00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: stay together too long. 106 00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 2: But a new kind of romance develops. I agree. I 107 00:04:57,649 --> 00:04:58,450 Speaker 1: agree. But 108 00:04:58,510 --> 00:04:58,809 Speaker 1: is it 109 00:04:58,910 --> 00:05:01,958 Speaker 1: different kind of romance? Like what you mentioned, you stop 110 00:05:01,970 --> 00:05:05,609 Speaker 1: chasing each other but you are very comfortable with each other, 111 00:05:05,619 --> 00:05:08,130 Speaker 1: which is not a bad thing. You start doing household 112 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:11,979 Speaker 1: chores together instead of going on cafe dates together, that 113 00:05:11,988 --> 00:05:15,529 Speaker 1: kind of difference. Nothing wrong. But it just depends on 114 00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: what you're seeking this relationship. But 115 00:05:17,209 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 2: if you're looking 116 00:05:17,928 --> 00:05:20,018 Speaker 2: at marriage, it's also 117 00:05:20,029 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 2: still gonna happen. 118 00:05:20,850 --> 00:05:22,570 Speaker 1: Correct. It's still gonna come in time. You just want 119 00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:24,190 Speaker 1: to hold it out a little bit. Yeah. To some 120 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,859 Speaker 1: people it might be like that. And I think the 121 00:05:25,869 --> 00:05:28,130 Speaker 1: biggest thing about staying together with your partner is that 122 00:05:28,339 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 1: you might actually see a different side of a self 123 00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:32,390 Speaker 1: that is not the good side. But 124 00:05:32,399 --> 00:05:35,549 Speaker 2: I think that's important because if you never see the 125 00:05:35,559 --> 00:05:39,010 Speaker 2: full picture of your partner and then you get married 126 00:05:39,019 --> 00:05:42,390 Speaker 2: and then you move in together and then, then that's 127 00:05:42,399 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 2: too late. 128 00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:43,219 Speaker 1: In this 129 00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:45,600 Speaker 1: case. I'm not saying like the full picture of my partner, 130 00:05:45,609 --> 00:05:48,519 Speaker 1: I'm seeing the full picture of myself. Like when I 131 00:05:48,529 --> 00:05:51,859 Speaker 1: stay with someone, I actually become like that, I become 132 00:05:51,869 --> 00:05:55,609 Speaker 1: so comfortable with this person that maybe sometimes I accidentally 133 00:05:55,619 --> 00:05:57,669 Speaker 1: show him the uglier side of me 134 00:05:57,769 --> 00:05:58,329 Speaker 2: what they like. 135 00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:02,409 Speaker 1: No, like sometimes when I get frustrated, I get angry 136 00:06:02,420 --> 00:06:04,910 Speaker 1: and it's not a side that I want to show 137 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,179 Speaker 1: my partner. But the same 138 00:06:06,190 --> 00:06:06,649 Speaker 2: way you want to 139 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:10,469 Speaker 2: see everything before you commit, they should also be able 140 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,190 Speaker 2: to see everything you think. So I think it's important 141 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:16,670 Speaker 2: because regardless if you show it now you show it later, 142 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,890 Speaker 2: it will come out, you still have to deal with it, 143 00:06:18,899 --> 00:06:20,390 Speaker 2: you still have to deal with it. And I think 144 00:06:20,399 --> 00:06:22,308 Speaker 2: some of the reasons why people choose to, I guess 145 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:27,109 Speaker 2: cohabitate with their partner before marriage, we'll talk about, like, 146 00:06:27,829 --> 00:06:30,459 Speaker 2: in some cultures how it's not acceptable later on. Right. 147 00:06:30,730 --> 00:06:33,769 Speaker 2: But those who are ok with it and your parents 148 00:06:33,779 --> 00:06:36,769 Speaker 2: are ok with it. One of the biggest reasons is 149 00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:40,779 Speaker 2: to test your compatibility. Ok. Right. If you're only seeing 150 00:06:40,790 --> 00:06:43,679 Speaker 2: each other once or twice a week outside on dates, 151 00:06:43,730 --> 00:06:47,290 Speaker 2: it's very hard to know if you are truly 100% compatible. 152 00:06:47,299 --> 00:06:49,570 Speaker 2: Very true. The thing is even if you see each 153 00:06:49,579 --> 00:06:52,010 Speaker 2: other a lot over a long period of time, I 154 00:06:52,019 --> 00:06:54,488 Speaker 2: think there are certain things that only comes out at 155 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:55,260 Speaker 2: home that 156 00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:58,140 Speaker 2: only if you live with that person you'll see or 157 00:06:58,149 --> 00:07:00,339 Speaker 2: you'll learn or you sort of like learn how to 158 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:01,529 Speaker 2: navigate around, 159 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:01,850 Speaker 2: you know. 160 00:07:02,019 --> 00:07:04,570 Speaker 1: So I have two friends. I love them dearly. They 161 00:07:04,579 --> 00:07:07,969 Speaker 1: are a couple, they chose to stay together because of 162 00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:13,450 Speaker 1: financial reasons. They can share the rent, they can speak groceries, bills, everything. 163 00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:17,179 Speaker 1: And my friend, she's grown to see how reliable of 164 00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:20,089 Speaker 1: a person that man is. He cooks for her. 165 00:07:20,359 --> 00:07:24,010 Speaker 1: He washes things for her like even simple things like 166 00:07:24,019 --> 00:07:26,070 Speaker 1: an apple. The boyfriend will ask you want eat apple 167 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,470 Speaker 1: or not. My friend would like, you slice that law 168 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,250 Speaker 1: and then you really slice apple for her. Like it's 169 00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:33,179 Speaker 1: very tiny things but very sweet. Very, 170 00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:37,769 Speaker 2: very so I know someone right whose parents believe that 171 00:07:37,779 --> 00:07:40,109 Speaker 2: you should cohabitate before you get married. 172 00:07:40,119 --> 00:07:41,839 Speaker 1: The parents believe very 173 00:07:42,489 --> 00:07:44,809 Speaker 2: progressive, very good. I like. So 174 00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:48,399 Speaker 2: they're looking at marriage in the near future. And the 175 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:50,980 Speaker 2: parents said we're not trying to chase you out. But 176 00:07:50,989 --> 00:07:54,429 Speaker 2: before you get married, get out of the house, go 177 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,500 Speaker 2: rent because you're going to run your own household when 178 00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,480 Speaker 2: you get married. So now you go run your own household. 179 00:08:00,489 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 2: Figure out your financial situation if you're gonna fight now 180 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,239 Speaker 1: because after you get married it's too late. Basically. Correct. 181 00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:11,149 Speaker 2: Basically. I think things like groceries, bills, like 182 00:08:11,772 --> 00:08:14,932 Speaker 2: when everything is under your management and control. Right. I 183 00:08:14,941 --> 00:08:18,302 Speaker 2: think it changes things and I agree because in the 184 00:08:18,312 --> 00:08:22,402 Speaker 2: past my partner's cohabited with me under my parents roof 185 00:08:22,411 --> 00:08:25,092 Speaker 2: and we didn't have to do anything. Everything is up 186 00:08:25,101 --> 00:08:27,752 Speaker 2: to their care and we just live there. But now 187 00:08:27,761 --> 00:08:32,790 Speaker 2: that I'm cohabiting with my partner, it's like it's his place. Right? 188 00:08:32,802 --> 00:08:35,142 Speaker 2: So now it's our home. So everything we have to 189 00:08:35,151 --> 00:08:37,151 Speaker 2: take care of it right from like if the bill 190 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:37,851 Speaker 2: goes out, we be like, 191 00:08:37,963 --> 00:08:40,482 Speaker 2: ok, why, why is he just told me the other 192 00:08:40,492 --> 00:08:42,543 Speaker 2: day the electrical bill went up. I was like, oh, shit, 193 00:08:42,552 --> 00:08:44,682 Speaker 2: what have we been doing? It turns out it's because 194 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,533 Speaker 2: we have a new puppy now. And so we have 195 00:08:46,543 --> 00:08:47,982 Speaker 2: to turn on the air con in a whole different 196 00:08:47,992 --> 00:08:50,793 Speaker 2: room all night. So she's the reason for it anyways, 197 00:08:50,862 --> 00:08:54,723 Speaker 2: things like that, being independent and financially independent in your 198 00:08:54,732 --> 00:08:57,713 Speaker 2: own home is so much different than cohabiting. Other. Your 199 00:08:57,723 --> 00:08:58,192 Speaker 2: parents 200 00:08:59,043 --> 00:09:02,322 Speaker 1: agree. Emotional readiness is also one thing, I think some 201 00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,232 Speaker 1: couples want to take the relationship to the next 202 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:07,676 Speaker 1: level and strengthen it. So, one of the better ways 203 00:09:07,684 --> 00:09:09,005 Speaker 1: or one of the good ways to go about doing 204 00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:11,545 Speaker 1: it is moving up and then see how you can 205 00:09:11,556 --> 00:09:14,395 Speaker 1: handle your emotions when you just, you and your partner 206 00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:16,915 Speaker 1: without the involvement of any family members. 207 00:09:16,926 --> 00:09:17,245 Speaker 2: That's 208 00:09:17,255 --> 00:09:21,155 Speaker 2: true. I mean, it is, it's the choice between we 209 00:09:21,166 --> 00:09:23,385 Speaker 2: live together and it doesn't work. Let's break up. Yeah, 210 00:09:23,405 --> 00:09:26,755 Speaker 2: we got married already now. We have to get a divorce, 211 00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:30,635 Speaker 2: which is complicated. Right. Yeah, it's complicated. And 212 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,460 Speaker 2: I think a lot of people move in together sometimes 213 00:09:33,469 --> 00:09:36,340 Speaker 2: because they're not sure if they want to get married yet. 214 00:09:36,349 --> 00:09:38,830 Speaker 2: So they live together first and maybe delay marriage a 215 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:42,780 Speaker 2: little bit or they wanna, like I said, avoid having 216 00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:46,530 Speaker 2: to get a divorce because they haven't seen the full picture. 217 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,380 Speaker 1: But at the same time, I can also understand why 218 00:09:49,390 --> 00:09:52,859 Speaker 1: some people they refuse to move in together before getting married. 219 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,299 Speaker 1: Of course, there's a lot of like social stigma, especially 220 00:09:55,309 --> 00:09:57,500 Speaker 1: for females and a traditional. 221 00:09:57,950 --> 00:10:00,619 Speaker 1: Would you think that Singapore is a traditional country? Like 222 00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:02,010 Speaker 1: in terms of these values, 223 00:10:02,020 --> 00:10:06,239 Speaker 2: certain cultures, I think slightly conservative still because in the 224 00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:10,099 Speaker 2: US parents expect their kids to move out at 18. 225 00:10:10,239 --> 00:10:13,020 Speaker 2: Be it with a partner without a partner, correct. No 226 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:16,059 Speaker 2: one in Singapore expects that. Firstly because it's damn expensive. 227 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,789 Speaker 2: And also I think parents are a bit more like 228 00:10:18,799 --> 00:10:19,449 Speaker 2: protective 229 00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:20,909 Speaker 2: kids with them. 230 00:10:21,039 --> 00:10:22,900 Speaker 1: I'm always my mother's little baby 231 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:26,228 Speaker 1: when I first wanted to move out. She's ha why? 232 00:10:26,239 --> 00:10:29,039 Speaker 1: For what your p which means? Is it necessary? 233 00:10:29,049 --> 00:10:32,070 Speaker 2: I think religion is another big thing which is why 234 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 2: in some cultures it's completely taboo taboo think. Yeah, because 235 00:10:36,409 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 2: living together before marriage to some people, it implies that 236 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 2: the couple is intimate and in some cultures that is 237 00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:44,270 Speaker 2: not acceptable. So I think with, it comes a lot 238 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 2: of stigma. I think also one thing that people 239 00:10:48,039 --> 00:10:50,409 Speaker 2: maybe would not choose to live with their partners because 240 00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:52,750 Speaker 2: you have different living habits. Maybe one is a super 241 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,459 Speaker 2: morning person, one is a super night owl and then 242 00:10:55,469 --> 00:10:57,369 Speaker 2: they just want to stay up all night and then 243 00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:59,929 Speaker 2: you disturb the other person. It's so different. Yeah. It's 244 00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,819 Speaker 2: a lot of things that you have to work through. 245 00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:04,010 Speaker 2: So I work the night shift and my partner is 246 00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:06,559 Speaker 2: a morning person. I would love to be a morning person, 247 00:11:06,570 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 2: but I can't because I work the night shift. So 248 00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 2: there are a lot of things like when he wakes 249 00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:12,250 Speaker 2: up in the morning because he's so independent. Right? He 250 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:12,979 Speaker 2: doesn't think 251 00:11:13,489 --> 00:11:17,119 Speaker 2: that through no bad intention, but he doesn't realize that 252 00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:19,699 Speaker 2: I'm still trying to sleep. So he open door, close 253 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,809 Speaker 2: the door, make coffee, do this, do that and it's 254 00:11:21,820 --> 00:11:24,429 Speaker 2: like really loud and the machine goes, yeah, 255 00:11:25,869 --> 00:11:29,849 Speaker 2: every morning, that's my alarm. So, I have a conversation 256 00:11:29,859 --> 00:11:32,349 Speaker 2: with him like a few months ago after we started 257 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,169 Speaker 2: living together, I was like, babe, 258 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:37,799 Speaker 2: I need to sleep. I like, I'm still asleep. Can 259 00:11:37,809 --> 00:11:39,419 Speaker 2: you just try, like, in a very nice way you 260 00:11:39,429 --> 00:11:40,700 Speaker 2: have to communicate. You can't be like, 261 00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:44,580 Speaker 2: no, you have to be like, can you please just 262 00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 2: be a bit quiet? Try to tone it down. They're 263 00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:51,010 Speaker 2: not aware, it's not, there's no malicious intention and to 264 00:11:51,020 --> 00:11:53,390 Speaker 2: his credit, he really reach, he opened the door. So 265 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 2: now I close it so quietly. If our puppy is 266 00:11:56,969 --> 00:11:59,219 Speaker 2: making noise, you could get her and make sure that 267 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,489 Speaker 2: they don't like, they don't like disturb 268 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:01,869 Speaker 2: me. 269 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,859 Speaker 1: I had the same conversation with my mother. She likes 270 00:12:04,869 --> 00:12:07,020 Speaker 1: to open the door like bang and I think the 271 00:12:07,030 --> 00:12:09,619 Speaker 1: thing very loudly then the next morning. 272 00:12:11,929 --> 00:12:13,739 Speaker 1: Oh my God. 273 00:12:15,409 --> 00:12:18,409 Speaker 2: Not just OK. You know, I mean, don't look at partners, right? 274 00:12:18,419 --> 00:12:20,590 Speaker 2: Just look at your own house or your own family. 275 00:12:20,599 --> 00:12:22,030 Speaker 2: Everyone has their own little 276 00:12:22,039 --> 00:12:22,630 Speaker 2: self. 277 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:22,989 Speaker 1: Yeah, 278 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:26,299 Speaker 2: that sometimes drives you fucking nuts. My biggest, let me 279 00:12:26,309 --> 00:12:28,459 Speaker 2: tell you my biggest thing, right? Is if I find 280 00:12:28,469 --> 00:12:31,728 Speaker 2: things in my butter, I'm sorry, what are you 281 00:12:31,989 --> 00:12:32,750 Speaker 1: talking 282 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:33,890 Speaker 2: about? You 283 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:34,079 Speaker 2: know, 284 00:12:35,239 --> 00:12:39,699 Speaker 2: use butter, right? Everyone uses that butter, right? But you know, 285 00:12:39,710 --> 00:12:42,690 Speaker 2: when someone uses like a like they already use something, 286 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,159 Speaker 2: a dirty knife, correct? And they put it in the 287 00:12:45,169 --> 00:12:47,169 Speaker 2: butter and the like crs are there, for example, I 288 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,739 Speaker 2: sometimes peanut butter goes into. 289 00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:52,609 Speaker 1: That must be the weirdest pet peeve ever 290 00:12:53,575 --> 00:12:56,104 Speaker 2: me. Not. So if I open the fucking button and 291 00:12:56,114 --> 00:12:58,344 Speaker 2: I see these things drive me crazy. I have a 292 00:12:58,354 --> 00:13:00,984 Speaker 2: very simple solution for you. Buy my own, your own butter, 293 00:13:01,174 --> 00:13:02,635 Speaker 2: label it a zero but 294 00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:04,804 Speaker 1: do not and buy your own knife, label it a 295 00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:05,494 Speaker 1: zero knife. Do 296 00:13:05,505 --> 00:13:05,895 Speaker 1: not, 297 00:13:05,905 --> 00:13:07,674 Speaker 2: do not touch. This is my butter and my butter 298 00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:11,705 Speaker 2: only very simple solution to save you. A lot of grief. 299 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,479 Speaker 1: That's a horror story right there. But what some of 300 00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:17,130 Speaker 1: the other horror stories that we have read online about 301 00:13:17,140 --> 00:13:18,250 Speaker 1: moving in together? 302 00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:22,289 Speaker 2: Ok. So this one from Reddit and this person says 303 00:13:22,409 --> 00:13:25,609 Speaker 2: we were dating for a year before moving in together 304 00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:27,929 Speaker 2: and I thought I knew him in and out because 305 00:13:27,940 --> 00:13:29,289 Speaker 2: we spend so much time together. 306 00:13:29,655 --> 00:13:32,984 Speaker 2: Despite not living together, we were always around each other 307 00:13:32,994 --> 00:13:34,734 Speaker 2: and moving in just didn't seem like it was such 308 00:13:34,744 --> 00:13:38,234 Speaker 2: a big deal upon moving in. We found out that 309 00:13:38,244 --> 00:13:41,114 Speaker 2: we both are very different. He didn't think that he 310 00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:43,835 Speaker 2: would have to cook or clean or basically do anything. 311 00:13:43,885 --> 00:13:46,835 Speaker 2: He assumed that it was my the girls job 312 00:13:47,849 --> 00:13:49,270 Speaker 1: shame on you. 313 00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:52,630 Speaker 2: You don't have a clean house before I moved in. 314 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:54,989 Speaker 2: I thought he was a minimalist because he didn't really 315 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,750 Speaker 2: have anything around his apartment. But turns out is because 316 00:13:57,919 --> 00:13:59,979 Speaker 2: it's easy for him to manage because he doesn't like 317 00:13:59,989 --> 00:14:03,010 Speaker 2: to clean cook or anything like that. Another thing that 318 00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:05,390 Speaker 2: would really annoy me is that I have a dog 319 00:14:05,599 --> 00:14:07,229 Speaker 2: and he will always leave the gate open, which is 320 00:14:07,239 --> 00:14:09,549 Speaker 2: very dangerous dog, run out, get run over my car, 321 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:12,210 Speaker 2: all that. I told him to be extra careful and 322 00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:13,869 Speaker 2: he didn't seem to care at all. 323 00:14:14,190 --> 00:14:17,179 Speaker 2: I got tired of being his mom and very soon 324 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,059 Speaker 2: after we broke up once the lease ended, so living 325 00:14:20,070 --> 00:14:24,369 Speaker 2: together before marriage, even though I encountered many unpleasant surprises 326 00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:27,669 Speaker 2: and it led to the end of the relationship without it, 327 00:14:27,679 --> 00:14:29,849 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have known until it was too late, 328 00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 1: a 329 00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:31,020 Speaker 1: blessing in this guy. 330 00:14:31,210 --> 00:14:31,500 Speaker 1: So 331 00:14:31,510 --> 00:14:32,159 Speaker 2: it's better to 332 00:14:32,169 --> 00:14:34,820 Speaker 2: find out. But don't you think so? I think so. 333 00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:38,020 Speaker 2: I've got another horror story. But before that hazy, because 334 00:14:38,030 --> 00:14:41,159 Speaker 2: you said right, that you think I said you're not 335 00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:42,919 Speaker 2: really for living together, 336 00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:43,359 Speaker 2: correct? 337 00:14:43,369 --> 00:14:46,020 Speaker 1: I would say I would way carefully. The are the 338 00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:47,059 Speaker 1: pros and cons. So 339 00:14:47,070 --> 00:14:47,369 Speaker 2: would you 340 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: do it again? 341 00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:51,609 Speaker 1: Yes. As much as I think, you know, I want 342 00:14:51,619 --> 00:14:54,859 Speaker 1: to extend the romantic relationship, the romantic side of things 343 00:14:54,869 --> 00:14:57,820 Speaker 1: ultimately is still a very practical decision to move in together. 344 00:14:57,830 --> 00:15:00,780 Speaker 1: And I feel like with the right steps taken, you 345 00:15:00,789 --> 00:15:05,099 Speaker 1: can still enhance that romantic relationship even more thing together. 346 00:15:05,140 --> 00:15:05,739 Speaker 1: So 347 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:06,450 Speaker 2: how 348 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,380 Speaker 2: would you do it differently 349 00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:08,340 Speaker 2: or better at this time? 350 00:15:08,349 --> 00:15:08,900 Speaker 1: First of all, 351 00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,492 Speaker 1: manage my own emotions, better explain it like why I'm 352 00:15:11,502 --> 00:15:15,793 Speaker 1: feeling this way? Secondly, be more conscious, I feel like 353 00:15:15,802 --> 00:15:18,382 Speaker 1: sometimes you need to put effort to like, have a 354 00:15:18,393 --> 00:15:21,773 Speaker 1: little cook night together, sit down, eat together or just like, 355 00:15:21,783 --> 00:15:24,273 Speaker 1: have a glass of beer and look at the view. 356 00:15:24,283 --> 00:15:26,732 Speaker 1: Simple things like that. Very simple things. But can make 357 00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:28,982 Speaker 1: a world of a difference. So. 358 00:15:28,992 --> 00:15:29,643 Speaker 2: Right. I've got 359 00:15:29,705 --> 00:15:33,606 Speaker 2: friend, she lives by herself. The guy lives by himself. 360 00:15:33,875 --> 00:15:37,495 Speaker 2: They were not together at this point. This was COVID 361 00:15:37,606 --> 00:15:40,494 Speaker 2: and they don't live in Singapore. So it was locked down, right? 362 00:15:40,505 --> 00:15:43,085 Speaker 2: And you can't go out. And I think because it's Malaysia. 363 00:15:43,096 --> 00:15:47,075 Speaker 2: So it's like rather far apart. Ok. OK. One day 364 00:15:47,085 --> 00:15:50,075 Speaker 2: he decided to confess his love you, 365 00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,609 Speaker 2: but you can't go out. So the only way is 366 00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:58,460 Speaker 2: if you're exercising. So he cycle all the way to 367 00:15:58,469 --> 00:16:01,719 Speaker 2: her house like four hours, I think. Wow, profess his 368 00:16:01,729 --> 00:16:04,979 Speaker 2: love and then moved in right away, just him and 369 00:16:04,989 --> 00:16:05,780 Speaker 2: his bicycle 370 00:16:06,919 --> 00:16:10,090 Speaker 2: and they've lived together since. So it's like literally from 371 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 2: day one. Wow, it's OK. In Singapore, the furthest you 372 00:16:13,330 --> 00:16:15,020 Speaker 2: can cycle is like very 373 00:16:15,030 --> 00:16:15,770 Speaker 1: far to 374 00:16:15,869 --> 00:16:16,229 Speaker 2: Jurong, 375 00:16:18,239 --> 00:16:21,599 Speaker 1: to Pasir Ris far, very far, very far, very far 376 00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:21,849 Speaker 1: for 377 00:16:21,859 --> 00:16:24,479 Speaker 2: them. I mean, that's a success story. It's very interesting. 378 00:16:24,489 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 2: It's not hard. 379 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,479 Speaker 2: Sorry, I have a question for Hazy because now you 380 00:16:27,489 --> 00:16:31,070 Speaker 2: own your own place. So if you were to have 381 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,929 Speaker 2: a partner that you would want to cohabitate with, would 382 00:16:33,940 --> 00:16:37,559 Speaker 2: you want to rent a new place with your partner 383 00:16:37,929 --> 00:16:41,820 Speaker 2: or have your partner cohabitate with you in your existing place. 384 00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:42,979 Speaker 1: The first option 385 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,719 Speaker 1: is not even something I would consider. Why would I 386 00:16:45,729 --> 00:16:46,650 Speaker 1: rent a new place 387 00:16:46,659 --> 00:16:48,979 Speaker 2: so that you still have your own space? I know 388 00:16:48,989 --> 00:16:52,010 Speaker 2: a few friends like that. They still keep their own space. 389 00:16:52,020 --> 00:16:54,849 Speaker 2: Then they cohabitate with their partner in a shared space. 390 00:16:54,859 --> 00:16:55,440 Speaker 2: I would prefer 391 00:16:55,450 --> 00:16:58,929 Speaker 1: making new memories together in a space. I call mine. 392 00:16:58,989 --> 00:17:02,059 Speaker 1: I think this makes it more meaningful but I see 393 00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:02,770 Speaker 1: where you're coming from. I 394 00:17:02,844 --> 00:17:04,285 Speaker 1: never thought like that could be an option. Then if 395 00:17:04,295 --> 00:17:06,514 Speaker 1: it doesn't work there, how burn the house? No la 396 00:17:06,564 --> 00:17:11,645 Speaker 1: then you move out and be happy every day is 397 00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:11,844 Speaker 1: like 398 00:17:11,854 --> 00:17:14,275 Speaker 2: that one. Yeah. So I know we've said a couple 399 00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:16,415 Speaker 2: of horror stories but your friend story is a success. 400 00:17:18,055 --> 00:17:20,665 Speaker 2: I think it's jackpot like one in a million cycle 401 00:17:20,675 --> 00:17:21,755 Speaker 2: over there and then move in. 402 00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:27,359 Speaker 2: So let's read you some success stories from its this 403 00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 2: story says from Singapore cohabited for five years before getting married. 404 00:17:33,430 --> 00:17:39,130 Speaker 2: Five years long time. After washing the dishes, he leaves 405 00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 2: a soapy sponge to dry which irks me pet peeve 406 00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:45,489 Speaker 2: of mine. My hair drops everywhere on the floor, which 407 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,300 Speaker 2: irks him. OK? After using the toilet, he doesn't turn 408 00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:50,910 Speaker 2: off the lights, which irks me and it's 409 00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:53,725 Speaker 2: likely irritates me. I wash my face in the basin 410 00:17:53,734 --> 00:17:57,015 Speaker 2: and makes the floor wet. He doesn't like. It sounds 411 00:17:57,026 --> 00:18:00,696 Speaker 2: like this is a horror story, right? But they communicated 412 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:03,316 Speaker 2: they were mature enough to take the feedback and change 413 00:18:03,326 --> 00:18:06,225 Speaker 2: their habits. Now he squeezes the soap out of the 414 00:18:06,234 --> 00:18:09,426 Speaker 2: sponges before he leaves the kitchen. I sweep my hair 415 00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:11,715 Speaker 2: off the floor once a week as you should. He 416 00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:13,865 Speaker 2: installed a motion sensor in the toilet so that the 417 00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:16,975 Speaker 2: light turns on its smart. I now wash my face 418 00:18:16,984 --> 00:18:18,625 Speaker 2: in the bathroom area instead of the 419 00:18:19,421 --> 00:18:22,281 Speaker 2: and we're very happy together. So you see, like you, 420 00:18:22,291 --> 00:18:24,271 Speaker 2: when you see these kind of things, you can iron 421 00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:26,712 Speaker 2: it out slowly can make compromises. 422 00:18:26,771 --> 00:18:28,601 Speaker 1: Yes, but it takes two hands to clap. Some people 423 00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:31,102 Speaker 1: don't want to make changes. You know, some people just 424 00:18:31,112 --> 00:18:34,202 Speaker 1: feel like why I'm happy living the way I am correct. 425 00:18:34,212 --> 00:18:36,130 Speaker 1: They will work out what? So sometimes, 426 00:18:36,141 --> 00:18:39,062 Speaker 2: right? I think beyond little things, sometimes it also has 427 00:18:39,071 --> 00:18:40,661 Speaker 2: to do like with ourselves, 428 00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:41,212 Speaker 1: right? 429 00:18:41,391 --> 00:18:43,442 Speaker 2: Like OK, let me give you an example. I'm not 430 00:18:43,452 --> 00:18:45,751 Speaker 2: a morning person. I fucking hate the morning. We can 431 00:18:45,761 --> 00:18:46,101 Speaker 1: tell 432 00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:51,819 Speaker 2: very obvious grumpy in the morning when you're by yourself. 433 00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:54,540 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter, right? But I think sometimes we forget. 434 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,738 Speaker 2: So there has been an instance where I woke up 435 00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:59,079 Speaker 2: in the morning and I was grumpy as fuck. But 436 00:18:59,089 --> 00:19:01,819 Speaker 2: then like it's unfair for the other person, you know, 437 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:06,060 Speaker 2: and you wouldn't realize or discover or learn until like 438 00:19:06,199 --> 00:19:07,899 Speaker 2: you go through it. I mean, yeah, 439 00:19:07,910 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying. You saw a side of yourself 440 00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:12,099 Speaker 1: that you're not proud to show and that person doesn't 441 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:12,780 Speaker 1: deserve it. 442 00:19:12,939 --> 00:19:13,689 Speaker 2: No, it's not about 443 00:19:13,744 --> 00:19:15,706 Speaker 2: whether they deserve it is about, can they love you 444 00:19:15,715 --> 00:19:18,965 Speaker 2: through it or not? It's like just this morning my partner, 445 00:19:18,975 --> 00:19:21,426 Speaker 2: he had very late night, he came home from work 446 00:19:21,436 --> 00:19:25,245 Speaker 2: dinner at midnight and then he had a 7:30 a.m. call. 447 00:19:25,296 --> 00:19:29,605 Speaker 2: So to wake up at like 630 he was super grumpy. 448 00:19:29,755 --> 00:19:32,645 Speaker 2: But I already knew from last night I knew he's 449 00:19:32,656 --> 00:19:34,926 Speaker 2: going to be grumpy in the morning. So I prepared 450 00:19:34,936 --> 00:19:38,526 Speaker 2: myself for the grumpiness and gave him a lot more TLC. 451 00:19:38,546 --> 00:19:40,555 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, like she like a baby, like 452 00:19:41,442 --> 00:19:45,901 Speaker 2: very grumpy. It's OK. It's OK. It's ok tomorrow, Saturdays 453 00:19:45,911 --> 00:19:49,472 Speaker 2: the weekend, things like that. It's like you have to 454 00:19:50,802 --> 00:19:53,071 Speaker 2: love them through the grumpiness. So it's OK that you 455 00:19:53,112 --> 00:19:53,791 Speaker 2: got OK. So 456 00:19:53,802 --> 00:19:57,232 Speaker 1: if that happens once in a while, that's ok. Sure. 457 00:19:57,241 --> 00:19:59,870 Speaker 1: But if that happens every day, then I don't think 458 00:19:59,881 --> 00:20:04,602 Speaker 1: it's like the partner's responsibility to keep likes the other. 459 00:20:06,391 --> 00:20:07,462 Speaker 2: You see a therapist? 460 00:20:08,219 --> 00:20:11,050 Speaker 1: Have you girls heard of this term? The cohabitation 461 00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: effect. 462 00:20:11,569 --> 00:20:14,300 Speaker 2: It kind of scares me like you morph into one 463 00:20:14,310 --> 00:20:18,880 Speaker 2: person or no cohabitation effect is you're more likely according 464 00:20:18,890 --> 00:20:21,938 Speaker 2: to research. OK. If you cohabitate before marriage, 465 00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:26,689 Speaker 2: the success rate of your relationship goes down. Why are 466 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,479 Speaker 2: the cohabitation? In fact, because when you live together, you 467 00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:32,319 Speaker 2: find out more things that could potentially ruin your relationship 468 00:20:32,329 --> 00:20:33,939 Speaker 2: and cause you to break up or get divorced or 469 00:20:33,949 --> 00:20:35,640 Speaker 2: whatever sorry. Repeat 470 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,050 Speaker 2: that. 471 00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:44,300 Speaker 2: The says yes. The statistic says that if you live 472 00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:48,869 Speaker 2: together before marriage or before engagement, you're more likely to, 473 00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:51,129 Speaker 2: you tend to be less satisfied, you tend to be 474 00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:54,319 Speaker 2: less satisfied with your marriage and more likely that the 475 00:20:54,329 --> 00:20:57,099 Speaker 2: marriage might not succeed or it might not happen, might 476 00:20:57,109 --> 00:20:59,349 Speaker 2: not happen, then couples who do not live together 477 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,959 Speaker 2: for marriage but in my defense. No, but the comparison 478 00:21:02,969 --> 00:21:06,599 Speaker 2: then would be the breakup rate to the divorce rate. 479 00:21:06,630 --> 00:21:09,550 Speaker 2: Don't you think so? Is happening earlier? 480 00:21:09,619 --> 00:21:12,079 Speaker 1: Whether you're grieving a breakup or grieving a divorce? 481 00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 2: No, that's 482 00:21:12,650 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 2: why I say it scares me to hear the statistic 483 00:21:15,930 --> 00:21:18,770 Speaker 2: but it makes sense because the more you find out 484 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:19,760 Speaker 2: about the person, 485 00:21:19,869 --> 00:21:22,359 Speaker 2: the more chance there is that it might not work out. 486 00:21:22,369 --> 00:21:24,929 Speaker 2: It is true but it's like a test drive before 487 00:21:24,939 --> 00:21:25,688 Speaker 2: you buy a car. 488 00:21:25,859 --> 00:21:27,458 Speaker 1: Do you actually test drive before you buy a car? 489 00:21:27,469 --> 00:21:28,399 Speaker 1: Of course, I know. 490 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:31,849 Speaker 2: What are you talking? You test drive first and then 491 00:21:31,859 --> 00:21:36,800 Speaker 2: you don't like you don't buy OK. Not so bad. No, man. 492 00:21:37,099 --> 00:21:39,089 Speaker 2: Either way when it comes to moving in with your 493 00:21:39,099 --> 00:21:40,130 Speaker 2: significant other, 494 00:21:40,719 --> 00:21:42,859 Speaker 2: there's a lot to think about before you just move 495 00:21:42,869 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 2: in on a whim. I mean your friend cycling all 496 00:21:46,369 --> 00:21:48,280 Speaker 2: the way to the house moving in. There was a 497 00:21:48,290 --> 00:21:48,770 Speaker 2: lucky 498 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,530 Speaker 1: one in a million. I don't think he 499 00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:50,688 Speaker 2: thought 500 00:21:50,699 --> 00:21:52,688 Speaker 2: he was gonna move in. I think he thought he 501 00:21:52,699 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 2: was just gonna go there. No, she offered to, like, oh, yes, 502 00:21:56,270 --> 00:21:58,430 Speaker 1: he must have been too tired to cycle four hours back. 503 00:21:59,170 --> 00:22:01,079 Speaker 1: I can stay for the night and then once I 504 00:22:01,089 --> 00:22:03,420 Speaker 1: became to one week and the like, forever, 505 00:22:04,459 --> 00:22:06,109 Speaker 2: I mean, there's a lot of things that you should 506 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,959 Speaker 2: consider and discuss before you decide to move in. It 507 00:22:08,969 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 2: is a commitment. It is a big step. Firstly, you 508 00:22:12,050 --> 00:22:15,670 Speaker 2: need to be very open and communicate about each other's 509 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:20,270 Speaker 2: quirks and habits and pet peeves. Right? Don't just take 510 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,579 Speaker 2: it in, take it and take it in. It's ok. 511 00:22:21,589 --> 00:22:24,010 Speaker 2: I'll just take it in. After a few years, you 512 00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:24,050 Speaker 2: will 513 00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:24,669 Speaker 2: explode. 514 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,699 Speaker 1: Not even a few years sometimes. So you must be 515 00:22:26,709 --> 00:22:27,469 Speaker 1: really open 516 00:22:27,739 --> 00:22:32,579 Speaker 1: with your emotions. And I think sharing responsibilities, equal responsibilities 517 00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:34,689 Speaker 1: is very important. I'm not saying you have to do 518 00:22:34,699 --> 00:22:37,948 Speaker 1: like 50% of dishes, 50% of the laundry. But if 519 00:22:37,959 --> 00:22:40,250 Speaker 1: one person does the dishes, then the other person maybe 520 00:22:40,260 --> 00:22:43,349 Speaker 1: can vacuum the floor mop the floor. Or if these 521 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:46,448 Speaker 1: chores really get to you, then my solution is chip 522 00:22:46,459 --> 00:22:50,880 Speaker 1: in money. Get a part time helper if you outsource. Yeah. Correct. 523 00:22:50,890 --> 00:22:54,060 Speaker 1: If it salvages a relationship, why not spend a little 524 00:22:54,069 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 1: money 525 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:56,319 Speaker 2: moving in together also means 526 00:22:56,484 --> 00:22:59,974 Speaker 2: sharing the financial. You have to discuss how you're going 527 00:22:59,984 --> 00:23:02,064 Speaker 2: to share expenses. Is it split down the middle or 528 00:23:02,074 --> 00:23:04,104 Speaker 2: is it like this week? I get groceries next week 529 00:23:04,114 --> 00:23:06,165 Speaker 2: you get it or I'll pay for this one thing 530 00:23:06,175 --> 00:23:07,744 Speaker 2: you pay for this other thing, we don't have to 531 00:23:07,755 --> 00:23:10,484 Speaker 2: 5050 but we both have to put in equal effort 532 00:23:10,494 --> 00:23:12,435 Speaker 2: because it's very unlikely that you and your partner make 533 00:23:12,444 --> 00:23:15,294 Speaker 2: the same amount of money. Right. Someone's always gonna pull 534 00:23:15,305 --> 00:23:16,844 Speaker 2: a bit more of the way. And that's ok. That 535 00:23:16,854 --> 00:23:20,275 Speaker 2: happens in most marriages. Yeah. The one thing though, I 536 00:23:20,285 --> 00:23:22,805 Speaker 2: would try to advise if it's possible for you within 537 00:23:22,814 --> 00:23:24,974 Speaker 2: your budget, within whatever place that you're renting or buying 538 00:23:24,984 --> 00:23:25,103 Speaker 2: or 539 00:23:25,599 --> 00:23:27,790 Speaker 2: wherever you stay with your partner. I think it's very 540 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 2: important to have two bathrooms carry on. I think it's 541 00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:36,109 Speaker 2: very important for the relationship to do your business separately. 542 00:23:36,130 --> 00:23:36,599 Speaker 2: Nobody else 543 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: you do. You can you. 544 00:23:38,790 --> 00:23:42,500 Speaker 2: No, but it's different like having your own bathroom. It's 545 00:23:42,510 --> 00:23:45,530 Speaker 2: almost like having your own personal space. Like this is 546 00:23:45,540 --> 00:23:45,739 Speaker 2: my 547 00:23:45,926 --> 00:23:49,625 Speaker 2: my makeup, my skin care, my toothbrush, my everything. This 548 00:23:49,635 --> 00:23:52,285 Speaker 2: is my space only then he has his space. Is 549 00:23:52,296 --> 00:23:53,764 Speaker 2: that happening for you right now? Because his shit is 550 00:23:53,776 --> 00:23:55,875 Speaker 2: really messy. So I cannot take it every time I 551 00:23:55,885 --> 00:23:57,196 Speaker 2: go in there I pack right the next day is 552 00:23:57,205 --> 00:23:59,796 Speaker 2: messy again. So my stuff is very organized and this 553 00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,666 Speaker 2: is my space. I do my makeup here is like 554 00:24:01,676 --> 00:24:04,865 Speaker 2: my therapy session and I think it's very important because 555 00:24:04,875 --> 00:24:06,145 Speaker 2: even though you 556 00:24:06,362 --> 00:24:08,401 Speaker 2: you can say take turns right, sometimes you're rushing out 557 00:24:08,411 --> 00:24:10,901 Speaker 2: the house, right? One person's brushing the teeth, one person's 558 00:24:10,911 --> 00:24:13,151 Speaker 2: in the shower and then you're pumping parts in the 559 00:24:13,161 --> 00:24:16,001 Speaker 2: bathroom is just not as sexy as you think it is. 560 00:24:16,011 --> 00:24:16,212 Speaker 1: Well, I 561 00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:19,552 Speaker 1: once had a girlfriend who, because her partner was using 562 00:24:19,561 --> 00:24:21,611 Speaker 1: the toilet, they only have one toilet in the house 563 00:24:21,621 --> 00:24:23,791 Speaker 1: so she couldn't use it. Right. So she had to 564 00:24:23,802 --> 00:24:26,462 Speaker 1: go downstairs to the, they say the condo 565 00:24:26,790 --> 00:24:29,649 Speaker 1: like to the public toilet downstairs, do a business and 566 00:24:29,660 --> 00:24:32,709 Speaker 1: then leave for work from there. So it's like you 567 00:24:32,719 --> 00:24:35,129 Speaker 1: have along the way kind of thing. She had that 568 00:24:35,140 --> 00:24:38,619 Speaker 1: all planned out, right? But interesting, a bit inconvenient that 569 00:24:38,630 --> 00:24:39,800 Speaker 1: I agree. Yeah. 570 00:24:39,810 --> 00:24:42,640 Speaker 2: So some tips and advice before we leave you to 571 00:24:42,650 --> 00:24:46,660 Speaker 2: cohabitate with your partner, have a very thorough and proper 572 00:24:46,670 --> 00:24:50,669 Speaker 2: discussion about why you want to live together. And you know, 573 00:24:50,930 --> 00:24:53,010 Speaker 2: what kind of living habits can you 574 00:24:53,097 --> 00:24:54,526 Speaker 2: debt to each other? They 575 00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,156 Speaker 1: just make 576 00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:58,396 Speaker 1: sure your intentions are aligned, your goals are aligned and 577 00:24:58,406 --> 00:25:00,755 Speaker 1: always remember, conflicts are normal. 578 00:25:01,016 --> 00:25:05,296 Speaker 2: Yeah, you need a very open channel of communication. That's right. 579 00:25:05,436 --> 00:25:07,966 Speaker 2: Maybe you can start small. So don't just like move 580 00:25:07,977 --> 00:25:09,977 Speaker 2: in right away, start by. I think this is what 581 00:25:09,987 --> 00:25:12,217 Speaker 2: happened with me also. Like I was saying like one 582 00:25:12,227 --> 00:25:14,087 Speaker 2: night a week, then two nights, three nights, four nights, 583 00:25:14,097 --> 00:25:17,276 Speaker 2: five nights, six nights. Can I move in? You know, 584 00:25:17,286 --> 00:25:19,357 Speaker 2: it was gradual and my stuff 585 00:25:19,443 --> 00:25:21,263 Speaker 2: also started moving in very grudge 586 00:25:23,104 --> 00:25:23,423 Speaker 1: like the 587 00:25:23,763 --> 00:25:24,332 Speaker 2: easy take 588 00:25:24,343 --> 00:25:28,144 Speaker 1: over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also I think it's important 589 00:25:28,154 --> 00:25:31,693 Speaker 1: to respect each other's boundaries. Like we mentioned, cultural differences, 590 00:25:31,703 --> 00:25:35,504 Speaker 1: religious differences, so many differences that you have to iron out, 591 00:25:35,513 --> 00:25:38,673 Speaker 1: sit down and you just set the boundaries for yourself 592 00:25:38,683 --> 00:25:39,463 Speaker 1: and for your partner. 593 00:25:39,473 --> 00:25:42,183 Speaker 2: Absolutely. Well, you're a team at the end of the day. 594 00:25:42,203 --> 00:25:45,693 Speaker 2: It's not you versus each other. It's you versus the 595 00:25:45,791 --> 00:25:49,461 Speaker 2: world. Correct? You're not fighting each other. Exactly. We wish 596 00:25:49,470 --> 00:25:50,450 Speaker 2: you all the very best. 597 00:25:50,461 --> 00:25:54,100 Speaker 1: And if you are cohabiting with your partner, you have 598 00:25:54,109 --> 00:25:56,270 Speaker 1: any comments or thoughts you want to tell us we 599 00:25:56,281 --> 00:25:58,650 Speaker 1: be most happy to listen to them. Follow us on 600 00:25:58,661 --> 00:26:00,990 Speaker 1: Instagram at its gray.co. That's right. 601 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:01,711 Speaker 2: You can listen to us on 602 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,990 Speaker 2: Spotify, Apple Podcast me. Listen, turn on your notification and 603 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,711 Speaker 2: we're on youtube as well. And yeah, I wish you 604 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:11,970 Speaker 2: a very happy home. See you any time. Bye bye.