WEBVTT - Colleague at a new job giving the cold shoulder? Here's how to break the ice

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, it's our Ask Me Anything segment where we take

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<v Speaker 1>on a work-related question that you have sent to us.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's question was sent in by our listener Dan. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>Dan thinks his colleague perceives him as a threat. Let

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<v Speaker 1>me read Dan's question. I just joined a new company

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<v Speaker 1>as a contractor. I possess some skill sets that are

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<v Speaker 1>perceived as versatile and I have a postgraduate degree in

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<v Speaker 1>a data related field.

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<v Speaker 1>I think an incumbent employee sees me as a threat

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<v Speaker 1>to her job. She's definitely uncooperative when it comes to work.

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<v Speaker 1>She will say she doesn't understand my questions and ask

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<v Speaker 1>me to think through the issues on my own. How

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<v Speaker 1>can I manage such a situation and turn it around?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I think interestingly last week I had someone who

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<v Speaker 2>asked me a similar question.

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<v Speaker 1>So did you ask him in person?

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<v Speaker 2>So I think when we are thinking about working in

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<v Speaker 2>a workplace, especially when we are new, we often want

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<v Speaker 2>to look for people who can be our friends and

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<v Speaker 2>at least be cooperative and supportive in our work, but

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<v Speaker 2>that doesn't always happen. In this particular case, there are

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<v Speaker 2>multiple things that in my mind, right? One.

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<v Speaker 2>Then it's not an employee, he's a contractor. I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>sure what that means. What's the difference in the

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<v Speaker 1>work and seen as

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<v Speaker 2>less as an outsider. Maybe that's why the colleague feels

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<v Speaker 2>a certain way towards him. Could be, could be, or

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<v Speaker 2>maybe there could be other things that Dan did that

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<v Speaker 2>the colleague didn't really like.

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<v Speaker 1>So rub the off the wrong way. In Dan's mind,

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<v Speaker 1>it sounds like it could be an education thing because

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<v Speaker 1>he did mention the postgraduate degree. I mean, it may

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<v Speaker 1>May not be a reason for this colleague to feel

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<v Speaker 1>that he's a threat. So

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<v Speaker 2>there are many reasons why someone would not be cooperative

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<v Speaker 2>and I think our minds can stretch very far towards

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<v Speaker 2>why what did we do wrong and you know, is

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<v Speaker 2>there any way that we can salvage that relationship? One

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<v Speaker 2>thing that I think Dan can try is to really

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<v Speaker 2>think about how to season the working relationship with better

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<v Speaker 2>like you know pepper, yeah, you want to marinate that

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<v Speaker 2>meat a little bit more, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>so you

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<v Speaker 1>see your colleague as a piece of meat.

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<v Speaker 1>But OK,

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<v Speaker 2>continue. Yeah, so maybe like find some common ground, find

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<v Speaker 2>some common topics. Small talk, I think is really important.

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<v Speaker 2>If today you're new and you are seen as a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit of an outsider, seen as a bit as

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<v Speaker 2>a threat, I think try to find some small talk

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<v Speaker 2>to season that relationship, then could ask a little bit

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<v Speaker 2>more about this colleague's work itself, not asking for the

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<v Speaker 2>colleague for help, but maybe commenting about wow, you did

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<v Speaker 2>a great job on this piece of work.

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<v Speaker 1>Would I come across as fake though, like, you know, like, wow,

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<v Speaker 1>good job.

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<v Speaker 1>So,

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<v Speaker 2>so that's why the seasoning needs to be done nicely

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<v Speaker 2>so that

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<v Speaker 1>they can see that you're very authentic and you mean

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<v Speaker 1>what you say. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>correct. So you cannot come across as patronizing or you're

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<v Speaker 2>trying to do something to get into the Kalis good books.

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<v Speaker 2>I think be genuine about it, right? Like to say that, well, really,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really very impressed with this piece of work, wow,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you for helping me on this part. I think

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<v Speaker 2>these are small little things that you can do to

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<v Speaker 2>set up the working relationship. So that's the first thing, right,

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<v Speaker 2>seasoning it.

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<v Speaker 2>Then the second thing perhaps is to fine tune. So

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<v Speaker 2>where there are specific instances where Dan and his colleague

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<v Speaker 2>had a run in or they maybe they have some disagreements,

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<v Speaker 2>it's important to have some clarity and some communication about it, right?

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<v Speaker 2>For example, when the colleague says that you go and

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<v Speaker 2>think about it by yourself, right? I'm not sure whether

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<v Speaker 2>it's possible for them to explain a little bit more

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<v Speaker 2>why this is a bit of a challenge to do.

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<v Speaker 2>And then also maybe to ask that colleague, could you

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<v Speaker 2>maybe clarify a little bit for me like when you

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<v Speaker 2>say go and think on your own, like, is there

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<v Speaker 2>something that you think I should be doing on my own?

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<v Speaker 2>or what's my part to play in this? And then

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<v Speaker 2>also what I hope you can help me for this

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<v Speaker 2>particular work piece. So ask for some

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<v Speaker 2>clarity.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and also I think it's OK to show a

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<v Speaker 1>bit of vulnerability as well. If Dan is really clueless

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<v Speaker 1>when your colleague says something like this, which

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<v Speaker 1>Sounds quite passive aggressive, then can just go, oh, actually

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<v Speaker 1>I really don't know and I kind of need help.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you mind

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<v Speaker 1>helping me?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I think it makes a lot of sense because

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<v Speaker 2>Dan's question reveals a little bit about how maybe he's

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<v Speaker 2>seen the track because maybe he has more education and

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<v Speaker 2>perhaps the colleague is thinking, oh, you should know this one,

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<v Speaker 2>you're already at a higher level of education than me.

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<v Speaker 2>So maybe a parent a bit vulnerable allows a colleague

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<v Speaker 2>to

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<v Speaker 2>her gut as well. Yeah, so I do think that

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<v Speaker 2>there is some merit to season the relationship and then

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<v Speaker 2>after fine tune, I think the fine tuning is important

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<v Speaker 2>and the fine tuning process, try to find win-win. Lots

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<v Speaker 2>of ways to clarify, but it's important for them to

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<v Speaker 2>ask how she sees it and how he sees it

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<v Speaker 2>as well, and to try to see how can we

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<v Speaker 2>make this working relationship work for us both. Lastly, I

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<v Speaker 2>think time is also important.

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<v Speaker 1>Unfortunately, yeah, you just need time to let the person

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<v Speaker 1>get to know you

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<v Speaker 1>better.

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<v Speaker 2>My own personal observations of many situations like this when

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<v Speaker 2>newcomers join in and then they had a harder time

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<v Speaker 2>to blend in. After a while, it somehow just works

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<v Speaker 2>itself out. Maybe it's because someone else newer will come in.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then after that, then then seen as a

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<v Speaker 2>regular already.

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<v Speaker 1>I think that Dan can also ask this person for

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<v Speaker 1>advice in terms of their institutional knowledge, because Dan is new,

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<v Speaker 1>so Dan can always just say, actually I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>how y'all would do this in this company and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>still learning. Give me some background or some history so

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<v Speaker 1>that I can do my job better. If this colleague

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<v Speaker 1>does feel a bit insecure that Dan does have more.

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<v Speaker 1>then this colleague will feel that actually I have something

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<v Speaker 1>to bring to the table, that legacy knowledge. Yes,

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<v Speaker 2>it's part of the seasoning and fine tuning process.

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<v Speaker 1>So Dan, I hope that this chilly situation you have

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<v Speaker 1>with your colleague will get better soon. And if like Dan,

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<v Speaker 1>you have a work-related question, do write it to us.

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<v Speaker 1>We are at CNA podcast at Mediacorp.com.sg. This podcast is

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<v Speaker 1>also available on

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<v Speaker 1>Spotify, Apple Podcasts, me listen, YouTube, where a video version

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<v Speaker 1>of this is at. The team behind the Work It

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<v Speaker 1>podcast is Hoeing, Jeanini Johari, Joanne Chan, Saya Win, Allison Jenner,

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<v Speaker 1>and Shahza Dalela. Video by Hanida Amin. I'm Gerald and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Tiffany. Have a great work week ahead and be

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<v Speaker 1>an ally to that colleague of yours. It'll make everyone's

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<v Speaker 1>day better.