1 00:00:04,429 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: Hi, it's our Ask Me Anything segment where we take 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:11,189 Speaker 1: on a work-related question that you have sent to us. 3 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: Today's question was sent in by our listener Dan. Now, 4 00:00:15,729 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: Dan thinks his colleague perceives him as a threat. Let 5 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,719 Speaker 1: me read Dan's question. I just joined a new company 6 00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: as a contractor. I possess some skill sets that are 7 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,639 Speaker 1: perceived as versatile and I have a postgraduate degree in 8 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: a data related field. 9 00:00:32,610 --> 00:00:36,229 Speaker 1: I think an incumbent employee sees me as a threat 10 00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:40,380 Speaker 1: to her job. She's definitely uncooperative when it comes to work. 11 00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:43,990 Speaker 1: She will say she doesn't understand my questions and ask 12 00:00:43,990 --> 00:00:46,740 Speaker 1: me to think through the issues on my own. How 13 00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:49,500 Speaker 1: can I manage such a situation and turn it around? 14 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,709 Speaker 2: Well, I think interestingly last week I had someone who 15 00:00:52,709 --> 00:00:53,860 Speaker 2: asked me a similar question. 16 00:00:55,909 --> 00:00:57,470 Speaker 1: So did you ask him in person? 17 00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,389 Speaker 2: So I think when we are thinking about working in 18 00:01:00,389 --> 00:01:02,740 Speaker 2: a workplace, especially when we are new, we often want 19 00:01:02,740 --> 00:01:05,539 Speaker 2: to look for people who can be our friends and 20 00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:09,459 Speaker 2: at least be cooperative and supportive in our work, but 21 00:01:09,459 --> 00:01:13,099 Speaker 2: that doesn't always happen. In this particular case, there are 22 00:01:13,099 --> 00:01:14,699 Speaker 2: multiple things that in my mind, right? One. 23 00:01:15,150 --> 00:01:17,309 Speaker 2: Then it's not an employee, he's a contractor. I'm not 24 00:01:17,309 --> 00:01:20,010 Speaker 2: sure what that means. What's the difference in the 25 00:01:20,010 --> 00:01:21,660 Speaker 1: work and seen as 26 00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:26,229 Speaker 2: less as an outsider. Maybe that's why the colleague feels 27 00:01:26,230 --> 00:01:29,629 Speaker 2: a certain way towards him. Could be, could be, or 28 00:01:29,629 --> 00:01:31,750 Speaker 2: maybe there could be other things that Dan did that 29 00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:33,099 Speaker 2: the colleague didn't really like. 30 00:01:33,230 --> 00:01:35,790 Speaker 1: So rub the off the wrong way. In Dan's mind, 31 00:01:35,819 --> 00:01:38,389 Speaker 1: it sounds like it could be an education thing because 32 00:01:38,389 --> 00:01:41,529 Speaker 1: he did mention the postgraduate degree. I mean, it may 33 00:01:41,574 --> 00:01:44,834 Speaker 1: May not be a reason for this colleague to feel 34 00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:46,524 Speaker 1: that he's a threat. So 35 00:01:46,525 --> 00:01:49,464 Speaker 2: there are many reasons why someone would not be cooperative 36 00:01:49,464 --> 00:01:51,514 Speaker 2: and I think our minds can stretch very far towards 37 00:01:51,514 --> 00:01:53,565 Speaker 2: why what did we do wrong and you know, is 38 00:01:53,565 --> 00:01:56,165 Speaker 2: there any way that we can salvage that relationship? One 39 00:01:56,165 --> 00:01:58,474 Speaker 2: thing that I think Dan can try is to really 40 00:01:58,474 --> 00:02:01,004 Speaker 2: think about how to season the working relationship with better 41 00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:03,565 Speaker 2: like you know pepper, yeah, you want to marinate that 42 00:02:03,565 --> 00:02:05,724 Speaker 2: meat a little bit more, yeah, yeah, 43 00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:06,644 Speaker 1: so you 44 00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:08,044 Speaker 1: see your colleague as a piece of meat. 45 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:08,839 Speaker 1: But OK, 46 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:12,258 Speaker 2: continue. Yeah, so maybe like find some common ground, find 47 00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 2: some common topics. Small talk, I think is really important. 48 00:02:14,979 --> 00:02:16,959 Speaker 2: If today you're new and you are seen as a 49 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,770 Speaker 2: little bit of an outsider, seen as a bit as 50 00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:21,419 Speaker 2: a threat, I think try to find some small talk 51 00:02:21,419 --> 00:02:24,220 Speaker 2: to season that relationship, then could ask a little bit 52 00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:27,740 Speaker 2: more about this colleague's work itself, not asking for the 53 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:29,500 Speaker 2: colleague for help, but maybe commenting about wow, you did 54 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:30,978 Speaker 2: a great job on this piece of work. 55 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:34,009 Speaker 1: Would I come across as fake though, like, you know, like, wow, 56 00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:34,580 Speaker 1: good job. 57 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:34,785 Speaker 1: So, 58 00:02:35,315 --> 00:02:38,304 Speaker 2: so that's why the seasoning needs to be done nicely 59 00:02:38,304 --> 00:02:38,755 Speaker 2: so that 60 00:02:38,755 --> 00:02:40,913 Speaker 1: they can see that you're very authentic and you mean 61 00:02:40,913 --> 00:02:41,595 Speaker 1: what you say. Yes, 62 00:02:41,865 --> 00:02:44,274 Speaker 2: correct. So you cannot come across as patronizing or you're 63 00:02:44,274 --> 00:02:47,625 Speaker 2: trying to do something to get into the Kalis good books. 64 00:02:47,875 --> 00:02:50,335 Speaker 2: I think be genuine about it, right? Like to say that, well, really, 65 00:02:50,434 --> 00:02:53,195 Speaker 2: I'm really very impressed with this piece of work, wow, 66 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,264 Speaker 2: thank you for helping me on this part. I think 67 00:02:55,264 --> 00:02:58,285 Speaker 2: these are small little things that you can do to 68 00:02:58,285 --> 00:03:00,514 Speaker 2: set up the working relationship. So that's the first thing, right, 69 00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:01,195 Speaker 2: seasoning it. 70 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,758 Speaker 2: Then the second thing perhaps is to fine tune. So 71 00:03:03,758 --> 00:03:07,119 Speaker 2: where there are specific instances where Dan and his colleague 72 00:03:07,119 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 2: had a run in or they maybe they have some disagreements, 73 00:03:09,559 --> 00:03:12,990 Speaker 2: it's important to have some clarity and some communication about it, right? 74 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,729 Speaker 2: For example, when the colleague says that you go and 75 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,789 Speaker 2: think about it by yourself, right? I'm not sure whether 76 00:03:18,788 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 2: it's possible for them to explain a little bit more 77 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,119 Speaker 2: why this is a bit of a challenge to do. 78 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,029 Speaker 2: And then also maybe to ask that colleague, could you 79 00:03:27,029 --> 00:03:28,990 Speaker 2: maybe clarify a little bit for me like when you 80 00:03:28,990 --> 00:03:30,750 Speaker 2: say go and think on your own, like, is there 81 00:03:30,750 --> 00:03:32,820 Speaker 2: something that you think I should be doing on my own? 82 00:03:33,990 --> 00:03:35,669 Speaker 2: or what's my part to play in this? And then 83 00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:37,589 Speaker 2: also what I hope you can help me for this 84 00:03:37,589 --> 00:03:39,149 Speaker 2: particular work piece. So ask for some 85 00:03:39,149 --> 00:03:39,750 Speaker 2: clarity. 86 00:03:39,910 --> 00:03:41,630 Speaker 1: Yeah, and also I think it's OK to show a 87 00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:45,380 Speaker 1: bit of vulnerability as well. If Dan is really clueless 88 00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:47,179 Speaker 1: when your colleague says something like this, which 89 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:50,500 Speaker 1: Sounds quite passive aggressive, then can just go, oh, actually 90 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,460 Speaker 1: I really don't know and I kind of need help. 91 00:03:52,660 --> 00:03:53,139 Speaker 1: Do you mind 92 00:03:53,139 --> 00:03:53,770 Speaker 1: helping me? 93 00:03:53,979 --> 00:03:55,949 Speaker 2: Yes, I think it makes a lot of sense because 94 00:03:55,949 --> 00:03:59,419 Speaker 2: Dan's question reveals a little bit about how maybe he's 95 00:03:59,419 --> 00:04:02,419 Speaker 2: seen the track because maybe he has more education and 96 00:04:02,419 --> 00:04:04,820 Speaker 2: perhaps the colleague is thinking, oh, you should know this one, 97 00:04:04,899 --> 00:04:07,289 Speaker 2: you're already at a higher level of education than me. 98 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,839 Speaker 2: So maybe a parent a bit vulnerable allows a colleague 99 00:04:09,839 --> 00:04:10,130 Speaker 2: to 100 00:04:10,289 --> 00:04:12,449 Speaker 2: her gut as well. Yeah, so I do think that 101 00:04:12,449 --> 00:04:15,050 Speaker 2: there is some merit to season the relationship and then 102 00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:17,399 Speaker 2: after fine tune, I think the fine tuning is important 103 00:04:17,399 --> 00:04:20,329 Speaker 2: and the fine tuning process, try to find win-win. Lots 104 00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:23,010 Speaker 2: of ways to clarify, but it's important for them to 105 00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:25,049 Speaker 2: ask how she sees it and how he sees it 106 00:04:25,049 --> 00:04:27,809 Speaker 2: as well, and to try to see how can we 107 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:31,690 Speaker 2: make this working relationship work for us both. Lastly, I 108 00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:32,928 Speaker 2: think time is also important. 109 00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:36,500 Speaker 1: Unfortunately, yeah, you just need time to let the person 110 00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,100 Speaker 1: get to know you 111 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:37,519 Speaker 1: better. 112 00:04:38,059 --> 00:04:40,899 Speaker 2: My own personal observations of many situations like this when 113 00:04:40,899 --> 00:04:43,339 Speaker 2: newcomers join in and then they had a harder time 114 00:04:43,339 --> 00:04:46,649 Speaker 2: to blend in. After a while, it somehow just works 115 00:04:46,649 --> 00:04:50,018 Speaker 2: itself out. Maybe it's because someone else newer will come in. 116 00:04:50,589 --> 00:04:52,540 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then after that, then then seen as a 117 00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:53,329 Speaker 2: regular already. 118 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,209 Speaker 1: I think that Dan can also ask this person for 119 00:04:56,209 --> 00:05:00,380 Speaker 1: advice in terms of their institutional knowledge, because Dan is new, 120 00:05:00,459 --> 00:05:02,500 Speaker 1: so Dan can always just say, actually I don't know 121 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,899 Speaker 1: how y'all would do this in this company and I'm 122 00:05:04,899 --> 00:05:08,140 Speaker 1: still learning. Give me some background or some history so 123 00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:11,659 Speaker 1: that I can do my job better. If this colleague 124 00:05:11,910 --> 00:05:14,899 Speaker 1: does feel a bit insecure that Dan does have more. 125 00:05:15,395 --> 00:05:17,476 Speaker 1: then this colleague will feel that actually I have something 126 00:05:17,476 --> 00:05:19,795 Speaker 1: to bring to the table, that legacy knowledge. Yes, 127 00:05:20,075 --> 00:05:23,424 Speaker 2: it's part of the seasoning and fine tuning process. 128 00:05:24,235 --> 00:05:27,036 Speaker 1: So Dan, I hope that this chilly situation you have 129 00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,515 Speaker 1: with your colleague will get better soon. And if like Dan, 130 00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:33,105 Speaker 1: you have a work-related question, do write it to us. 131 00:05:33,315 --> 00:05:38,295 Speaker 1: We are at CNA podcast at Mediacorp.com.sg. This podcast is 132 00:05:38,295 --> 00:05:39,376 Speaker 1: also available on 133 00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:44,492 Speaker 1: Spotify, Apple Podcasts, me listen, YouTube, where a video version 134 00:05:44,492 --> 00:05:47,272 Speaker 1: of this is at. The team behind the Work It 135 00:05:47,272 --> 00:05:52,890 Speaker 1: podcast is Hoeing, Jeanini Johari, Joanne Chan, Saya Win, Allison Jenner, 136 00:05:53,092 --> 00:05:57,291 Speaker 1: and Shahza Dalela. Video by Hanida Amin. I'm Gerald and 137 00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,992 Speaker 1: I'm Tiffany. Have a great work week ahead and be 138 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:03,130 Speaker 1: an ally to that colleague of yours. It'll make everyone's 139 00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:03,690 Speaker 1: day better.